#since like two days ago but yeah this
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can’t stop thinking about this
#wano spoilers#one piece spoiler#since like two days ago but yeah this#one piece's end is going to hurt so much AND I KNOW WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO BUT STILL#oda knows how much we care about the first mates doesn't he#IDK MAN IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAS ODEN WROTE IT#'said something to his oldest confidante' sHUT UP I KNOW#and rayleigh's reaction I KNOW I KNOW#yes i'm catching up with wano yes i'll be insufferable about it#roger is too much like luffy it's insane how the animators did like even some of his expressions so like him#they are just some dudes. roger and luffy. funny and adventurous dudes BUT JUST SOME DUDES#seeing how much roger yearned to met the whole world it's so much like luffy's idea of freedom#i've been crying too much about oden so I GOTTA RANT A BIT ABOUT THEM ALRIGHT#it's so funny how much of a sucker i'm for luffy like while watching the whole thing#I was always like 'damn roger's relationship white wb is so nice I hope luffy gets one of these'#i like to he kind of has... a weird mix of kid and law in some way#being closest with law and the rivalry with kid and all that#idk just man wano is so good so good holy shit dsfjsdhkfjksdf#it has been a WHILE since op had me crying like that#like that like mostly when roger talked about what the sea kings were talking about#me gently holding luffy and roger: I just think they are neat.#rayleigh my guy... I get it now I truly do#like we knew they were cool but man...... they REALLY were just some dudes.#also roger really retired and then met the most gorgeous woman oda ever created uhm? good for him good for him#anyway the roger pirates. them#kelly says#dl
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I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch
#Because otherwise I can feel I won't last much longer#Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content#And two days ago in one day I started a new manga a new book and rewatching a favourite show#Whereas I hadn't started anything new in the two years ever since I got into bsd. Which makes it NOT a good sign#But the bsd anime has now ended for one month and 25 days and that's the last time the plot actually moved forward.#And if I counted right. The manga took 4 chapters (that is chapters 110-111) to adapt 6 minutes#That means it's going to take another 12 months (18 minutes left to adapt. that's 12 more chapters) to catch up with the anime#Yeah I'm not. sticking around this long with nothing new to see I'm sorry#Best case scenario I take a one year hiatus but that doesn't make it sound likely that I'll be back#And I know it's fresh news as early as this morning that author said they were introducing a new character but like.#They also said they finished writing this arc like. One year and half ago if I remember correctly?#And we still have yet to see the end of i t so...#That is to say. I'll probably be starting an anime rewatch starting next Wednesday. I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway#I don't want to leave the fandom I like the one chapter a month format#On the positive news I still have a queue of original posts that spans over ten months#And I was meaning to start the reblogs queue too in these days. So there's that#random rambles
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my mom found this super detailed online test that helps you find careers that you'd probably like according to your answers (ofc we know that it's just a test and it doesn't mean you have to study what they give you, but i just can't find anything that i like and i'm running out of time, so we were like, why not yk) so, i took the test and after 30 minutes of answering questions you know what i got? biotechnology. the same career that i chose last year and the one i dropped out of in january.
idk if i want to laugh or cry tbh
#i mean it gives you more than one option but this was the one with more compatibility#and the other ones are also a big no for me so...#god idk what to do with my life#and atp i can't help but start thinking (again): did i drop out bc i didn't like the career or bc my mental health is SO bad#i think it's a combination of the the two bc yeah i probably would've enjoyed the few months i did at least a bit more if i wasn't depresse#but i REALLY didn't like it#tho then again i don't know what changed bc it WAS what i wanted and then i got there and i went NOPE almost immediately#and like i know your opinions can change and that is good that i dropped out if i realized that's not my thing#but i can't help but wonder if it is really not my thing or is my brain just not letting me enjoy the things i like?#bc every option i've been looking at to start next year is like... No#i can't find anything i think i might enjoy at least a little bit#i found this university that i gives you the possibility of doing the classes and exams online and everything#and that would be to study 'translation and interpretation' with english & french (& spanish ofc)#and since i'm already bilingual in english & i've a certificate in french (not bilingual but is smth) i would be able to skip some subjects#which is good i guess and i like languages but it's also like the opposite of what i've been doing my whole life bc i studied science in hs#and then again idk if i'll like it or not#and i know i won't know if i like it or not until i try it out and everyone is like 'well if it's not your thing then you drop out again'#which i mean is true i Can but god i don't want to go through all this again i need at least a bit of certainity or i'm gonna go insane#also i've been searching for so long w/o findinf anything that my parents are already saying#'well if you don't want to study you'll have to look for a job'#and if the thought of studying a carreer is already scary#if i have to look for a job rn (there are not many options here if you don't have a degree)......#the thought itself makes me sick :/#i just don't know what to do and i'm so fucking tired i just want to curl up in bed and not do anything for at least 2 months#(am i having another existential crisis after that panic attack 3 days ago or did the existential crisis not stop since january?)#(probably sooner)#(i guess we'll never know........)#venting#maca speaks
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im about to be such a stupid hater but as an aromantic person i hate the httyd 3 ending.
#YES i know its similar to the books ending#but idk man toothless leaving hiccup to go live far away with some random dragon he met like two days ago after he and hiccup have basically#grown up together just rubs me the wrong way#they've been through so much together#both literally saving the life of the other at one point#and YES i know they didn't just leave bc of that#but CMON THEIR FRIENDSHIP??? toothless and hiccup care so much about eachother#they're basically eachother's whole world#they're soulmates even /p#even valka tells her son that he has the soul of a dragon#idc what ppl say#idc if the ending was supposed to be ''realistic''#it's a fictional world they could've came up with a happier ending where they didn't have to get separated#also i love love love astrid#dont get me wrong#but even since i was a kid i never really cared that much about her's and hiccups relationship#← aka aroace person speaking#yeah they have a lot of cute moments together#just bc im aroace that doesn't mean i cant find their relationship really cute#but again the friendship between dragons and humans is what the story is all about#idk where im going with this anymore sorry#im tired n mad n i just wanted to talk about one of my favorite franchises in the world#i love to just pretend the actual stayed together at the end of the third movie n also the light fury doesnt really exist#sorry but thats a topic for another post#bc i feel like this one has too many tags already#not that i completely hate the light fury#its more complicated than that
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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”
(Rant in tags)
#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah#but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way#he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod#qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right#after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like#my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit#I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we#get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that#stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my#brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a#reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I’m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period#is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet#it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps#random0lover rambling ♡
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They're making ai sing covers for dhmis now :c it's Yellover
#he would Not sing Like That#i was looking for a impressionist who sang rainbow connection as the trio#and found an ai cover of Yellow singing a frank sinatra song someone made two days ago#like a show about creativity and then make a robot do eveything for you. sureeeeee#yeah i was into the whole idea when it first got started since haha funny and i did get into character.ai for a while#but after knowing about how character.ai steals from other creators#and singing ai is harmful because it's taking peoples' voiceacting skills and stealing them#maybe the youtuber who made it isn't aware of that.. but it's EVERYWHERE so they must live under a rock or smthn#weirdly it has 100 and smthn views so quickly and YET the impressionist i follow only got 300 or smthn within the span of 10 months.#also not to be the guy who says their fave would do this shit but Yellow at his core is creative.#grabbing voicelines and molding them into a singing plagerist act is not.
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& btw I’ve lost about a week of my life to thinking about this egg. Hi
#NOT tagging as art#me#blood#(fake he’s fine)#(considered drawing egg yolk all over the floor but decided against it)#watched the epilogue last Sunday and then Friday we had a blackout and I’ve literally been talking about Maggie almost constantly since#might throw up some conspiracy theory boards to summarize idk#kirby#magolor#(removing from main tags cause I’m a bit anxious it might be misconstrued as hate!)#(for the actual original context: I said this when talking about how all of my recent discussion has been completely overtaken by Kirby#lore and a friend replied to it with ‘Kit standing over a mangled corpse’ and I was like yeah that’s funny. I should draw that#Two weeks ago I was like ‘yeah Magolor is the type of character I would really like but in practice I’m not like super into him!’#hard cut to a week later. My dm’s with my fiancé: destroyed. My channel in my friends’ server: annihilated. Mental illness +30% this quarter#I was listening to Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds and had the though ‘oh hey this would make a good Magolor song!’#The babygirlification process has started and I fear it may be irreversible.#like I’m enjoying myself but also I pulled three all-nighters in four days and I really need to speed up my wedding prep agh)
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All of the things that would be "awkward" for me to do around extended family are really not because of me or anything about the thing itself, but entirely about how my parents stopped telling anyone major information about me after like fifth grade
Like I can't bring have disability aids with me NOT because health stuff is weird but because it's much weirder that I have in fact had significant health problems since I can remember and have been disabled since, generously, 17 (more accurately 11 or 12) and my parents didn't tell anyone. I can't officially come out NOT because people would be weird about it (they would but I don't care) but because that would necessitate admitting that I've been living socially as male for going on ten years now and my parents never said anything and had me just. Pretend I wasn't. Like it's so funny now that I've had so many huge life changes that I CAN'T talk about it because the inevitable follow-up is "wait. This has been going on HOW long...?"
#m/cc#yeah I transitioned and have been living stealth as a man for nearly a decade (probably pretty obvious honestly#you have to at least have thought I was a lesbian unless you chalked it up to like. kids these days or something)#but yeah I've used a cane for a year or two now because my physical health kept declining#you know. from the long term health conditions I've been dealing with since I was 10?#you know the big health scare I had like four years ago with the genetic condition? and five years ago when I almost died?#we think some of the issues were caused or exacerbated by malnourishment when I was a kid. oh yeah I was neglected and abused#and severely underweight. that's why I was so weird as a kid. I also had neurodevelopmental issues but I didn't see a doctor about it#until I was an adult. yeah I had a lot of medical issues go untreated for disturbingly long periods. even really simple ones#I think my lungs are weird from how often I had bronchitis haha I just always had a sore throat for years too#there's some suspicion from professionals that I might've been involved in like covert organized crime activity. it's been really traumatic#but anyway I'm moving out west with my fiancé. yeah I'm gay and I'm getting married we've been together for years <3#happy Thanksgiving! <3#I. might delete this post not gonna lie
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What would a telepath get when trying to read the mind of someone who has 0 internal dialogue.
Like, head full of thoughts, but no voice?
Or images??? What about those people with no internal dialogue AND aphantasia?
#like??? what would they do?#does this mean their minds can’t be read?#a telepath falling in love with someone who has no internal dialogue because they’re one of the few people who can surprise them?#just weird thought that’s been on my mind#bored#no sleep#I’ve been up since two days ago#but yeah#anyways#idk how tagging actually works tbh#ummmmmmmmmm#aphantasia#internal dialogue#shower thoughts#does it count as a thought if you can’t hear it?
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tank cheese leads to funny crab time
#it was a lot of fun actually I adore getting up to stuff w my friend#we’re like. hey you wanna try this? and then we go do it#sigmascape savage was still my favorite of us saying fuck it we ball#it was so much fun figuring it out with the two of us#and then a few months later we did it again w another friend + my friends alt and it was fun yet again#but yeah the cheese w two well geared tanks + food went so nice#I’ve wanted this sucker since we did the fight many months ago w an actual party and we only eeked out two clears#maybe one day kefka can be cheesed by alas it is still a struggle w him#you can’t be as disrespectful w his mechanics as you can others#Owen plays ffxiv
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genuinely shocked that I'm not actually 17 anymore
#i remember being 17 much more vividly than 19#the glitter shimmering on my high school friend's cheekbones under the disco light#the taste of those chocolate chip cliff bars i always brought to school as an afternoon snack#the way i would unlock the lock combination in between classes and how cold the metal was#the pinks and oranges of the sky above the setting sun through the window on a day i stayed late#i remember so much of it so vividly that i'm surprised to realise that it wasn't just a few months ago#granted it was lockdown when i was 19 and it was pretty awful so i forgot it on purpose or something like that#it is so much of a blur. but still#i read books with characters who are in their late teens and catch myself going oh yeah they're around my age#no they're not xD#anyhow Thoughts!! i have age on the mind since i'm turning twenty two in a few months (which is surreal)#in more ways than one i still FEEL seventeen#songbird again
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#I haven't been online much#i live on discord and my mental health has been declining by the day#i hate the people that are supposed to be my friends in uni#and I hate myself for keeping up this act that I don't#im anxious all the time and I feel like depression is for real approaching#im going to the uni therapist in a few weeks as I decided that it might be good to get tips on being stable#i made an appointment when I was doing well three or four weeks ago#well this week was the intake meeting and bro bro I can't believe myself#i spent a year crying and growing and healing and everything and Im still at this shitty place#and the worst is that I know I have grown and that I am doing much better but I don't see any results#I don't necessarily feel better in my skin because I haven't struggled eith my body since high school#yeah I guess I know self worth now but do I still hurt myself by staying in that friend group yes#yeah Im more confident asked many people out but I have gotten to date two which you couldn't even call date 2#well here I am still fucking crying about the same things#i guess life is like that but I'm just as sick of this life as I am of my anxiety#already cancelling plans and things I wanna do because of anxiety#so just fuck my life Im the only one standing in my way but im the biggest obstacle#will I ever be good? i guess we will see
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office holiday party today… old man took it as the dumbest excuse to give me a hug as if it’s been so long since I saw him last (Tuesday) or will see him again (tomorrow) or spoke to him (last night).. which also makes this the first physical embrace since the revelations began…. 🙏🧎♀️
#and the first embrace since 18hrs ago when he sent me a gif of a two person sweater and said we should wear it for the ugly sweater contest#it was more involved than the previous hugs lmao but#it was totally fine#and not suspicious at all#to those who saw it#and while we were in it I was like oh yeah need him… confirmed#but seriously I was like oh that’s what it’s gonna feel like in 102 days 4 hours and thirty minutes from now#when he’s inside me#👍#he also made a honeymoon sex joke later on.. then retold it#and many such crimes
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june 27th give it up for june 27th
#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
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venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
#yall im gonna vent about a boy#and some other things under here#cause i just made myself sad#anyway yeah idk a couple months ago i matched w this dude who messaged me asking abt my love for e and i was like very open abt it#and he wasn't judgemental at all he was very nice and we just like . talked abt whatever#we were talking for like a month or two nonstop like we messaged every day right#and i even told him it's okay if he doesn't message me everyday i don't mind and he's like but i like talking to you i wanna message u!!#and there was like 3 days i couldn't message him and i came back to see he missed me and he was like soooo sweet#and then he took me to get dinner and we went to his place and we literally hit it off so well??? like the chemistry was THERE#like we kissed and he was sooo sweet to me and then the holidays hit and his messages slowed down#and since then it got slower and slower and now he's just completely ghosted me and it's been a few weeks now#and i should get over it i know like im back to swiping on these stupid apps again but it just makes me so sad#because i really did like him and i don't know what i did wrong or if i scared him away#after leaving me on opened 3 times i just gave up like i got the hint i assumed he doesn't like me like that anymore#i saw something that reminded me of him and i got really sad#so now here i am#anyway i went on for tooooo long let me stop there lol
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#genuinely why am i like this?#i think i never said it here but (if you've seen my posts about wanting to quit uni)#i actually decided i was definitely going to quit for real#i just don't like what i'm doing and i made up my mind. talked to my parents and everything and i made the decision#i still haven't talked about it with my uni and i actually don't know what i'll have to do to make it official#but that's not what i was going to say here#what i mean is that i didn't go to any of my exams right?#and the thing is that i haven't talked about this with any of the people at uni. not my professors and not any of my classmates#i mean i didn't really make friends there tnh#but there where 4 girls that i sat with in class and i talked to them and all that#so yeah i wouldn't consider them my friends but i've talked a lot with them the past few months#mostly with two of them because we were in the same group in all of our practices#and these two girls have texted me to ask me what happened bc i haven't been to any of the exams and the haven't seen me in uni#and since i didn't say anything they were probably worried about me#the first one texted me 8 days ago and the other one 5 days ago#and i still haven't answered any of them#why? i don't fucking know#but my social anxiety doesn't let me for some reason#i don't think their going to judge me for quiting or anything tbh#but for whatever reason my brain doesn't let me answer some simple text saying “hey i haven't seen you at uni. are you okay?”#just thinking that i will have to explain to them the whole situation scares me#(well maybe not the whole situation but at keast the fact that i'm quiting y'know?)#and all this is already making me feel like shit#but then the thought that they're worrying about me and i haven't answered and maybe that is making them worry more quicks in#and i feel like such a shitty person right now bc they don't deserve me ignorning them when they're just being nice#i'm just so fucking tired of this shit and idk what to do#“answer those fucking texts. they just want to know you're okay” one half of my brain tells me#“but i just.. can't” another half cries#venting#maca speaks
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