#yeah I guess I know self worth now but do I still hurt myself by staying in that friend group yes

[larrysballetslippers]

.

[toulouseradiosilence]

Rainy Days

TW:signs of depression, blood(described), wounds and later chapters WILL discuss suicide and self harm. If you are triggered by these themes do not read this. I will make happier stories

I do not relate to this, and this might not be accurate. My grammar and writing abilities aren’t good, please correct me or give me constructive criticism ❤️ also, this story was !!!PERFECTED!!! with AI, I wrote it myself, everything, but because I’m German and my whole family doesn’t know much English, this is one of my only options. I have the original where I wrote it into my notebook and made notes for myself and I still have it in it’s earlier stages (I already wrote much more when I was younger, my grammar was pretty bad tho) if anyone wants proof (the notebook) I’ll release it on @toulouseradiosilence <3

enjoy!

Chapter 1: Rose

I wake up to the sound of rain pouring onto the roof. The first thing I do after lying on my side for another 5 minutes is to look at the alarm clock. The time it’s displaying is barely visible, yesterday’s meal is standing in front of it. Would you call that dinner or breakfast? It was at about 4AM, so I’m not really sure, but it also does not matter, so I shove the leftover ramenbox and cheap diet lemonade off of the bedside table. The bottle shatters on the floor, startling me. Besides the cars, rain and airplanes outside this is the first noise I’ve heard today, and probably one of the ones I will hear. I finally look at the time. 10:30 AM. I’m not late to anything, I haven’t been late to anything in months.. or years. Because there is nothing to be late to. Nobody needs me, I’m not part of this “system”. And I think that’s not as bad someone would expect. I don’t have any responsibilities whatsoever. I don’t have to take part in this society, I can do whatever I want. And I choose to lay in my bed, draw or sleep. I have food in my storage (ramen, diet lemonade/ water). Sometimes I crave foods I used to eat when I was younger, but it’s certainly not worth going to the store for. Some days I eat a lot, some I don’t eat at all. Most days, actually. Some days I don’t get out of bed and some I don’t even wake up. Others I don’t sleep. Sometimes I look at drawings or other posts on tumblr. That’s all I really do. Sometimes I think about signing up and posting my drawings, but I’m not good with social stuff and this is too social for me in many ways, so I don’t. I have to go to the toilet, which is pretty unusual for me, considering i barely drink anything. I don’t want to get up though, so I continue lying in my bed for another 20 minutes, until I feel too uncomfortable. I sit up and put my feet into the ground. Something sharp cuts into one of them. I don’t do anything; I don’t even look down to see what just hurt my foot. Another minute of just sitting there and staring goes by until I decide to check. A piece of a broken diet lemonade bottle. I stand up and shove the trash under my bed, I didn’t remove the shard. I start walking. The cut stings. I really do not care though. Dragging myself into the bathroom, I push the door open and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but I quickly look away. I sit down onto the toilet and.. pee.. yeah, I pee. Afterwards I continue sitting on the toilet and my eyes trail along the way I was walking on, from the toilet to to the door. The door is open. I live alone. There’s a trail of blood on the floor. What? Oh. It’s my blood. Wait, yeah, of course it is. Who else’s would it be? I put my leg into the other to look at my foot. The shard is still in there. I actually kind of panic because it looks really, really bad. Almost my whole foot is cut open. And THAT is a reason to stay in bed all day (as if I wouldn’t do that anyway.. but now I have an excuse, I guess.) I limp over to my bed, but before laying down I check whether I still have some water. Luckily, I do. So I let myself fall onto the bed back first, take a chug of water and start to sleep.

Next chapter will probably release next week❤️

omg I just read through it and the amount of typos I made?? Guys pls tell me if there are mistakes this is embarrassing 💀😭

Also I hate the pace, its so fast…

[gaywattpadstorykid]

Rainy Days

TW:signs of depression, blood(described), wounds and later chapters WILL discuss suicide and self harm. If you are triggered by these themes do not read this. I will make happier stories

I do not relate to this, and this might not be accurate. My grammar and writing abilities aren’t good, please correct me or give me constructive criticism ❤️ also, this story was PERFECTED!!! With AI, I wrote it myself, everything, but because I’m German and my whole family doesn’t know much English, this is one of my only options. I have the original where I wrote it into my notebook and made notes for myself and I still have it in it’s earlier stages (I already wrote much more when I was younger, my grammar was pretty bad tho) if anyone wants proof (the notebook) I’ll release it on @toulouseradiosilence <3

enjoy!

Chapter 1: Rose

I wake up to the sound of rain pouring onto the roof. The first thing I do after lying on my side for another 5 minutes is to look at the alarm clock. The time it’s displaying is barely visible, yesterday’s meal is standing in front of it. Would you call that dinner or breakfast? It was at about 4AM, so I’m not really sure, but it also does not matter, so I shove the leftover ramenbox and cheap diet lemonade off of the bedside table. The bottle shatters on the floor, startling me. Besides the cars, rain and airplanes outside this is the first noise I’ve heard today, and probably one of the ones I will hear. I finally look at the time. 10:30 AM. I’m not late to anything, I haven’t been late to anything in months.. or years. Because there is nothing to be late to. Nobody needs me, I’m not part of this “system”. And I think that’s not as bad someone would expect. I don’t have any responsibilities whatsoever. I don’t have to take part in this society, I can do whatever I want. And I choose to lay in my bed, draw or sleep. I have food in my storage (ramen, diet lemonade/ water). Sometimes I crave foods I used to eat when I was younger, but it’s certainly not worth going to the store for. Some days I eat a lot, some I don’t eat at all. Most days, actually. Some days I don’t get out of bed and some I don’t even wake up. Others I don’t sleep. Sometimes I look at drawings or other posts on tumblr. That’s all I really do. Sometimes I think about signing up and posting my drawings, but I’m not good with social stuff and this is too social for me in many ways, so I don’t. I have to go to the toilet, which is pretty unusual for me, considering i barely drink anything. I don’t want to get up though, so I continue lying in my bed for another 20 minutes, until I feel too uncomfortable. I sit up and put my feet onto the ground. Something sharps cuts into one of them. I don’t do anything; I don’t even look down to see what just hurt my foot. Another minute of just sitting there and staring goes by until I decide to check. A piece of a broken diet lemonade bottle. I stand up and shove the trash under my bed, I didn’t remove the shard. I start walking. The cut stings. I really do not care though. Dragging myself into the bathroom, I push the door open and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but I quickly look away. I sit down onto the toilet and.. pee.. yeah, I pee. Afterwards I continue sitting on the toilet and my eyes trail along the way I was walking on, from the toilet to to the door. The door is open. I live alone. There’s a trail of blood on the floor. What? Oh. It’s my blood. Wait, yeah, of course it is. Who else’s would it be? I put my leg into the other to look at my foot. The shard is still in there. I actually kind of panic because it looks really, really bad. Almost my whole foot is cut open. And THAT is a reason to stay in bed all day (as if I wouldn’t do that anyway.. but now I have an excuse, I guess.) I limp over to my bed, but before laying down I check whether I still have some water. Luckily, I do. So I let myself fall onto the bed back first, take a chug of water and start to sleep.

Next chapter will probably release next week❤️

[vaelzz]

do you post AI art or did you make it

It's a mixture, I've been making art for about 10 years now but some of the more recent ones are incorporating AI. I'm currently combining older methods and techniques with AI to come up with some new and cool results. It still ends up taking tons of time and effort but I can get ideas out from my head much quicker and better now. I do get overly anxious and a sense of imposter syndrome because I'm not entirely doing things by hand but I've been trying to get over that. I've had a few people be negative or dismissive about me using it but I don't think they understand it's not as simple as me writing a couple of sentences to instantly get some masterpiece. I have a lot more I've worked on but I've just been too in my head overthinking it to post because I feel irrationally guilty? I mean most of my work is photographic except I've painted over them with a Wacom tablet in Photoshop which was also enough for me to feel the imposter syndrome and avoid making things. So yeah I am still super conflicted because I have a few hundreds artworks I've made throughout my life and then I have these newer ones using a blend of digital painting and AI to better assist in my process but I get anxious because I don't want it to discredit everything I've done but I also know with these new tools it's going to be harder than ever to keep up unless I use them. It really isn't worth me spending 30-40 hours on a single artwork when no one really cares and I'm not getting paid for it either, just sitting alone in my room suffering and forcing myself to make a single artwork for what? I actually had someone accuse one of my artworks as being AI made before I even used it until I showed them the earlier versions and the slow time consuming process. Like I am a bit cut up over AI because I spent so much of my life learning art and making sacrifices so I'd have the time and space for it.. but it's an adapt or die situation for digital artists. These AI models do keep getting better though so whilst not there yet it does make me debate what things will look like when they are good enough for you to simply ask it to make you an artwork of whatever you want and for it to instantly pull out a masterpiece. I find that scary because what is there left for me to do? What is my purpose in it all? Would that even be my own self-expression? (The overthinking list goes on and on lol) Perhaps it's just an ego thing though and the accessibility gives more people the means of self-expression which they previously did not have the opportunity. I guess the only part that worries me is that I put so much time, effort and thought into everything that the idea of someone dismissing or disregarding it is quite hurtful. (which tbh is the reason I barely post) All I really wanted to do was make cool things and have people go "wow, that's so cool, how did you think of that? How does your mind work?" as opposed to "Nice AI artwork". So yee TL;DR Mixture of AI but all my older stuff is done completely by me. I'm working on putting together a portfolio/collection of older works just so I can have some distinction there.

[theboywithburninghands]

Hey all. Last chapter of the latest Bunnyrabbitdoll arc... thing. Longest thing I've written by far. Light on the fluff, heavy on the horror and dark comedy. Hope you enjoy. T/W: Gore, body horror, guns, arachnophobia The Dollhouse Final Part: Kill All Monsters

Caine and Bubble are relaxing on a digital beach, both of them sporting sunglasses and matching towels. Caine is still in his full ringmaster outfit and Bubble can’t actually lay down, so he hovers an inch or two above his towel. Layla sits on their picnic basket, playing some beach music. Caine sips from an empty coconut shell through a crazy straw. Caine: BOY, THIS IS THE LIFE, ISN’T IT BUBBLE?

Bubble: I feel like a million deer, Caine! *eats a seashell*

Caine: A GUY COULD GET USED TO A LITTLE R&R! Bubble: Reading and writing? Caine: OH HO HO NO, YOU ABSOLUTE SIMPLETON! REST AND RELAXATION! IT’S HARD TO COME BY RUNNING A DIGITAL CIRCUS EVERY DAY FOR [error: not found: value] YEARS! THAT’S WHY I LET SOME OF MY SELF-REGULATING AI RUN ADVENTURES NOW AND THEN!

Bubble: You mean like me? 

Caine: RIGHT! WE’RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY HERE, AND FAMILIES WORK TOGETHER! AND RELAX TOGETHER! 

Bubble looked around. They were the only ones on the beach for miles. 

Bubble: Hmm… Do you think the performers are okay?

Caine: I’D BET YOU A COMBO MEAL AT SPUDSY’S THAT THEY’RE HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR NON-ABSTRACTED LIVES RIGHT NOW! 

Bubble: Good enough for me, boss! *he pulls a sun mirror from Hammerspace and flips it open, setting it in front of him* Ahhhhhhhhhh…

Caine: WORKING ON YOUR TAN THERE, BUBBLE?

Bubble: Heating myself up! It’s fun to feel myself boil!

Caine: *laughs* Oh, you crack me up. 

—

Back in Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks, Pomni paced back and forth, tapping the hatchet she found on her palm. Ragatha sat in the corner, near Jax, but with enough distance between them so his stench isn’t unbearable. Jax himself drifts in and out of consciousness, delirious.

Jax: Hey… Hey Pompom. Pompoooom. 

Pomni: *sighs* What?

Jax: Wh-What is the scariest tree in the forest..?

Pomni: What? What kind of question-

Jax: Bam-BOO! *makes jazz hands and laughs so hard he coughs, followed by a groan of pain*

Pomni rolled her eyes and continued to pace. Ragatha gave a small, polite laugh at Jax’s terrible joke. Pomni: Where are the others..? They have to be in their own puzzle rooms, right? 

Ragatha: All three of us got one. Well, you skipped yours. Maybe we should try doing what you did and climb up the slide?

Jax: My foot hurts…

Ragatha: I know Jax, we’ll get it fixed soon, okay hun?

Pomni: We can’t. The doors locked behind us… *she jiggles the handle of the door Jax fled through to demonstrate*

Ragatha: You tried chopping it down with your ax?

Jax: Heeeere’s POMNI! *laughs himself into coughing again*

Pomni: I could try… but these seem pretty sturdy. I might break it. 

Ragatha: It’s worth a shot. Beats sitting in the dark and twiddling our thumbs. 

Pomni: I guess… Should I just… pick one?

Jax: Not my door… It’s still in there. 

Ragatha: Why don’t you do mine? You already killed that monster… 

Pomni: Okay. Pomni stood in front of Ragatha’s door, taking a deep breath and flexing her arms. She then readied her hatchet. 

Pomni: …Here we go. Pomni took a mighty swing at the door. With a brittle crunch, the wooden handle broke off, leaving the hatchet-head buried a few inches into the door for a moment before falling out and clanging to the floor. Jax burst into laughter for a third time. 

Ragatha: Oh no…

Pomni looked at the broken handle for a moment before balling her fists and hurling it against the wall, where it ricocheted and skittered across the floor. 

Ragatha: Pomni, I’m sorry. That was a terrible idea… 

Pomni: No-! No, it really wasn’t. It was a good idea, it just… didn’t work. 

Ragatha covered her face, Pomni ceasing her pacing and going over to her.

Pomni: Ragatha, I’m sorry, it really was a good idea, I didn’t mean to… 

Ragatha: No, it’s okay. It’s okay, I just… It’s horrible here, yeah, but it’s never this horrible… something has to be wrong… 

Pomni: What do you mean?

Ragatha: I mean… you saw what was after me… you saw what that monster did to Jax-

Jax appeared to be entertaining himself by seeing how many fingers he could stick through the wound in his foot. 

Ragatha: It’s not supposed to be like this… it’s bad but it’s not… not… 

Pomni: Not?

Ragatha: Not Rated M…

Pomni: Who cares? We’re alive. And when we get out of this place we can tell Caine exactly how we feel…

Ragatha: …I guess I’ve just gotten used to a specific kind of horror… 

Pomni hugged the ragdoll, who gratefully squeezed her back. It was a lot easier to hug her girlfriend with so many other anxieties tuning out her haphephobia. 

Pomni: We’ll get out of here. It’s just another stupid adventure, right? 

Jax: Hey… where’s my hug?

Pomni: You’ll get one after you’ve had a bath.

Jax: I won’t. You just think I’m ugly…

Pomni: No, I think you stink. Big difference.

Jax: …My foot really hurts. 

One of the doors flew open with a crash and Zooble stumbled out of it, clutching what appeared to be a double-barreled shotgun. 

Zooble: I SAID GET BACK, YOU UGLY SON OF A B!#€#! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Zooble snapped their shotgun closed just as a clawed, skinless humanoid hand the size of a car wrapped its fingers around the doorframe. A head, skin so tight around its face it more resembled a skull, crammed its way into the doorframe. It had eyes like pools of fog and a long, serpentine tongue, grinning hatefully

Zooble: Yeah. Keep smiling. 

Zooble aimed their gun at the creature and fired. The kickback from the weapon sent their torso and arms flying, their head twirling about in the air before landing on the floor and their legs blindly stumbling about. Luckily, they were dead-on with their shot and hit the ghoul creature square in the forehead, fog gushing out of the wound as it clamped its bony hand over it. Zooble’s arms and torso, sitting several feet away from their head, aimed the shotgun once again, using their claw as a mount, and fired. The kickback from this blast blew Zooble’s right arm off their body, but the buckshot found its mark in the ghoul’s jaw, severing it neatly from the rest of the skull, so that it swung back and forth like the pendulum of a clock. It shrieked and gushed a torrent of fog from its maw that appeared to freeze the ground below it, shoving its way back into the doorway, the door slamming shut and locking behind it. 

Zooble: F@&$in’ @$$#@!€… their right arm crawls its way back to their body, abandoning the empty gun on the floor. The right arm reaches their torso and their left reattaches it. Then, Zooble’s headless and legless torso pushes itself up so it balances on its hand and claw and ambles its way to their head. They put their head back on and rest a moment.

Jax: *points* Gun.

Zooble twisted their head around before relaxing at the sight of their fellow performers. 

Zooble: Sweet J£$&$, it’s just you guys… gimme a second. 

Zooble grabbed their wandering legs and hoisted themselves up onto them, twitching each foot to ensure proper connection before taking a few careful steps towards Pomni and the others. They stopped, cringing and covering where their nose might have been with their claw.

Zooble: God, it stinks in here… 

Pomni: Sorry. It’s Jax. His monster pretty much had him in Its mouth… 

Zooble: Ugh… *keeping their claw up* So… you three made it out. And you all ran into monsters too? 

Pomni: I sort of skipped mine by climbing back up the slide and forcing the trapdoor open… I had a weapon too, but it just broke. *she picks up the head of the hatchet*

Zooble: Really? D@##, that gun only had two shells. I looked all over that stupid lodge for supplies… 

Jax: Hodgepodge in a lodge… hee hee.

Zooble: What’s with him?

Ragatha: He got bitten by his monster too. I think it might have had something on Its teeth, ‘cause he’s been acting like that for a while. 

Jax: *watching his own hand move* My hands make after-hands.

Pomni: Are you alright though, Zooble? Ragatha was just telling me-

Zooble: Oh yeah, dandy. Peachy keen. Nothing like nearly getting frozen by a giant ice wraith to put a little skip in your step.

Ragatha: You were better than I was. Pomni had to kill my monster for me.

Zooble: …Pomni? Really?

Pomni: You don’t need to sound so shocked. 

Zooble: I mean, no offense, newbie, but you don’t give off “killer” energy. 

Jax: It’s because she loves her! 

Pomni blushed hot pink and Ragatha rather brusquely cleared her throat.

Ragatha: He’s uh, not in his right mind. I just got lucky that Pomni stumbled into my escape room… 

Zooble: So that leaves Gangle and Kinger unaccounted for. 

Ragatha: Right… 

Pomni: They have to be inside one of the doors we haven’t used yet. And since they can really hurt us, they might be in big trouble.

Zooble: So what do we do? 

Pomni: Well, there’s seven doors. One for each of us, and one that must lead out of here, or deeper into this place, God forbid…

Jax: That one. It’s different…

Jax pointed to a door on the opposite wall from where he was sitting. It was the only door on that wall, and it appeared to have three small, colored lights on it, no brighter than those on a Christmas tree. Pomni, Ragatha and Zooble all approached the door. There were six lightbulbs, two vertical rows of three, on a small panel. A fuschia, periwinkle and red light were illuminated, while the other three were dark. A small bronze plaque above the lights was barely readable in the soft red-violet glow. 

Pomni: “Should you give in to your pain,

In this house, you will remain.

‘Tis only after fear is slain

That you can go home again.”

Zooble pointed to each of the illuminated lights. 

Zooble: Pink for me, purple for Jax, red for Ragatha. 

Ragatha: So the other three are Kinger, Gangle-

Pomni: And me. I have to do mine…

Ragatha: But you skipped it… How are you going to get back in there, all the doors are locked… 

Pomni: Let’s worry about that in a bit. Gangle and Kinger haven’t beaten their rooms yet.

Ragatha: But the doors are locked.

Pomni: Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. 

Pomni picked up the empty shotgun and the blade of the broken hatchet. 

Pomni: See if any of the doors open for you. If they don’t, and they probably won’t, try to smash the handles off with the butt of this. *she hands Ragatha the gun* I don’t see a deadbolt, so it must just be a lock on the handle…

Zooble: What if you’re wrong? What if we get stuck in here? 

Pomni: Then I’m wrong, and we’re stuck. But we tried.

Pomni jiggled the handle on one of the doors they hadn’t tried yet. To no one’s surprise, it was locked, so she took the axehead and began to smash it down on the handle. Ragatha set to work on another one of the doors, testing the handle and then starting the process of bashing it off with the shotgun. Jax covered his ears at the sudden noise. 

What felt like ages of continuous bashing finally ended when Ragatha and Zooble succeeded in knocking off their door’s handle, with it clanging to the floor in several bent and twisted pieces. Ragatha pulled on the hole where the handle once was and the door opened with a crunch. 

Ragatha: Yes!

Zooble: I’ll be d@##ed. 

Pomni: Oh, good work guys! *puts down the axehead, panting with exertion* Okay, let’s go in and help…

Ragatha: Wait, what about Jax- oh.

Jax snorted in his sleep, kicking his uninjured foot and slumping a little further down the wall.

Pomni: Looks like he’ll be okay for a little while. *she smiles* I’m glad he could get at least a little rest… 

Zooble: You know, this is pretty much what he acts like even when he isn’t tripping on monster venom… 

The three of them chortled, but it died down quickly. They had work to do. Ragatha opened the door and they slipped inside, Zooble carrying the empty gun just in case.

They exited into what appeared to be a forest, the door attached to a brick wall, the only man made structure in the vicinity. It slammed shut behind them. The ivy-snared trees stretched high out of view, the suffocating canopy of leaves blocking just about all natural light. The grass was overgrown and clumpy, so tall that Pomni had to push it out of the way to keep it from getting in her mouth. Crickets and other insects chirred, and the entire area had the dense smell of wet moss. 

Zooble: Hmm. *they hold up their hand and claw, calling out* HEY GANGLE?! KINGER?! YOU OUT THERE?

In the distance, there was another shout. Too high pitched and delicate to be the echo of Zooble’s voice. 

Ragatha: Gangle! 

The three of them took off into the woods. Pomni could hardly see an inch in front of her due to the tall, knotted grass, and her foot soon snagged on a root and she fell forward.

Pomni: OOF! 

The jester swore to herself and began to pick herself up off the ground, only to squeak when a pair of hands wrapped about her midsection and hoisted her into the air. She was seated down on a pair of plush shoulders, a tangle of red curls and a purple bow between her legs.

Ragatha: *smiling up at her* Watch your head, okay? 

Ragatha continued running, Pomni leaning onto her head for support. The jester felt her face warm up despite the cool air rushing by her cheeks. This was much better… She had no idea Ragatha was that strong.

The group continued onward, following Gangle’s cries, until they came onto a clearing between two mighty trees. Strung between them was a spider web, woven with thick yet gossamer threads to be about the size of a California king bed. In the middle hung Gangle, her body a mess of knots and her lips quavering. She gasped upon seeing the three of them.

Gangle: Guys! You made it… please get me down, I don’t know when she’s coming back…

Zooble: Okay, hold still. Pomni, you’re the tallest right now, break the threads. 

Zooble handed Pomni the gun, and she stuck the barrels of it up towards one of the threads holding Gangle in place.

Gangle: Th-That thing isn’t loaded is it?!

Ragatha: Gangle, we wouldn’t do that to you- ow my neck.

Pomni: Sorry Ragatha… 

The canopy above them whispered ever so slightly, a few dead leaves drifting down upon them. Gangle looked up as best she could and gasped.

Gangle: She’s coming, please get me down, guys, please! 

Pomni hit one of the silk threads with the barrel of the gun, and it stuck fast. Pomni yanked on the stock of the weapon, but the threads stretched taut like bungee cords. A 12-foot long spindly black leg emerged from the treeline above them with slow, surgical precision, testing its grip on one of the parallel tree trunks before settling it down. 

Zooble: That’s a big-@$$ spider… 

Pushing through the leaves and branches emerged an arachnid, jet black and the size of a rhinoceros. A cluster of eight, milky white fish egg eyes sat on her almost disproportionately small head. Her pincers clicked together greedily as she climbed on eight light and nimble feet down to the web.

Gangle: Help me! Help me, please, help me! 

Ragatha: Pomni, get the gun unstuck!

Pomni: I’m really trying! It’s like steel wire!

Pomni was on her feet by this point, balancing on Ragatha’s shoulders and pulling on the shotgun as hard as she could. Her gloves slipped and she was sent flying backwards off of Ragatha’s shoulders, who had to rapidly spin her arms for balance. The shotgun remained stuck to the web, the spider advancing past it towards Gangle, frothy drool dribbling onto her mask. 

Gangle: NO! GO AWAY! 

Ragatha: Hold on Gangle! I’m coming! 

Ragatha, using her height to her advantage, crouched and jumped up, grabbing onto the shotgun with one hand. Her legs pinwheeled in the air. The enormous spider was jostled about as she prepared to sink her fangs into Gangle, stumbling and turning her ghostly eyes towards Ragatha. 

Pomni: *just now climbing to her feet# Ragatha wait, don’t get stuck! 

Ragatha: I’m not gonna get stuck, I-

The rag doll lifted up her other arm to grasp the shotgun, pulling the trigger by mistake. Instead of the expected click of the hammer striking an empty chamber, there was a deafening bang and a muzzle flash the size of a manhole cover. The gun fired, catapulting Ragatha back onto the grass and sending buckshot directly into the spider’s face, breaking a few threads of her web.

The arachnid’s head burst like a rotten melon, chunky, bright white slurry pouring from the stump that was left behind. Her legs twitched a few times before she tumbled off and hit the overgrown forest floor, her legs curling up. Stone dead.

Gangle: YOU SAID IT WASN’T LOADED!

Zooble: IT WASN’T LOADED! 

Gangle: *practically sobbing# YOU ALMOST SHOT ME!!!

Zooble: IT. WASN’T. LOADED! It’s a double-barreled shotgun! What, did another shell just APPEAR in the barrel?!

Pomni snapped the gun open after a few tries as Ragatha worked on getting Gangle down from the web. A spent shell casing, smoking hot, dropped onto the grass, along with a live one. 

Pomni: I guess it did just appear in the barrel… *puts the live round back into the gun and snaps it closed*

The gunshot had ripped through a few of the threads in the spider’s web, making it much easier to pull Gangle free now that a lot of the tautness was gone. Ragatha only had to reach up on her tiptoes to grab Gangle by one of her ribbons and yank her free. The pile of ribbons fell into Ragatha’s arms and promptly burst into tears, full-on spouts of water erupting from the eyeholes of her mask.

Zooble: Ah… Gangle, I’m sorry, we really didn’t know it was loaded…

Ragatha: Zooble used both shots on their own monster, we never reloaded it… it must replenish ammo on its own…

Gangle sniffled and sobbed a few more times before managing to calm herself down enough to speak. 

Gangle: I-I believe you… I was just… it was so scary… I was stuck up there for ages waiting for her to come back, I screamed and I screamed for help and I thought it was never gonna come… 

Pomni: …All of us are scared, Gangle. But once we find Kinger and I complete my challenge, it’ll be over.

Gangle: *wet sniffle* Challenge..?

Pomni: Yeah. All of us completed a puzzle room like this… well, I actually sort of skipped mine. Long story. Let’s just go back to the nexus…

Zooble: The what?

Pomni: The room with all the doors. It’s called a nexus I think. 

Ragatha: Very Metroidvania of you, Pomni. *she smiles, then looks down at Gangle, still a pile in her arms# Can you walk, Gangle?

Gangle: Um… I don’t know… 

Ragatha: Don’t sweat it. I’ll carry you to the nexus. You’re pretty light.

Gangle: …Thank you. 

The four of them walked back to the door. The chilly air and ambience of the forest was nearly soothing on the group’s inflamed nerves. Pomni pushed her way through the tall grass; it was manageable when she didn’t need to run full tilt, but a part of her wished she was back on Ragatha’s shoulders. 

Zooble: Let’s hope Jax hasn’t wandered off. 

Gangle: Jax is with you guys..? Is he okay?

Ragatha: He’s- Well… he’s hurt, but okay. He got bitten by his monster and we think it may have been venomous or something, because he’s acting really loopy.

Zooble: It’s kind of entertaining.

They reached the solitary brick wall. Zooble reached out to open the door, but someone pulled it open from the other side.

Zooble: Kinger..!

The eldest member of the group stood on the other side of the door, trembling more than usual. In his left hand he held a meat cleaver, stained with something blue. Flecks of the same blue substance stained his face, gloves and robe. 

Kinger: Glad to know you…

The four of them cautiously slipped by Kinger back into the Nexus. They were soon hit by the putrid smell of rotten corn and winced. Jax was exactly where they left him, sleeping like a rock. 

Gangle: It smells really bad in here…

Pomni: I know, it’s Jax… he got it probably the worst out of all of us. *she leans the shotgun against the wall# B-But what happened to you, Kinger? You killed your monster?

Kinger: Monster..? 

Pomni: Uh, yeah, in your escape room…?

Kinger: I… I remember books… 

Ragatha: Books? *she sets Gangle down*

Kinger: Books and- and black candles- and cheesecake… *puts his hands to the side of his head*

Zooble: Okay, okay Kinger. Sounds like you had a rough go of things… Just gonna… 

Zooble took the cleaver from Kinger’s hand with no resistance. 

Kinger: I need my pillows…

Ragatha: We’re going to get you your pillows as soon as we get out of here, okay? You saved us a whole lot of time by finishing your puzzle on your own.

Gangle: Hey…

Ragatha: No, I didn’t mean it lik-

Pomni tuned out the conversation to stare at one of the doors. It seemed to be drawing her towards it… almost whispering to her. 

Pomni: *Points to it* That’s my door. It was made for me.

Everyone stopped and looked at the door with Pomni. Jax blearily opened his eyes, curiously tilting his head at what everyone was looking at. 

Ragatha: Well… with all six of us, it shouldn’t be that hard to finish, right?

Zooble: More like five, since Jax is… indisposed.

Jax: Who are you calling in this clothes?! These are MY clothes!

Pomni went and picked up the shotgun, double checking the shells. One spent, one live. One shot. She sighed and snapped it closed. 

Pomni: Let’s get this over with… Zooble, you can probably use the cleaver to- HUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHH!

Pomni felt herself yanked backwards with enough force to give her whiplash. She rocketed towards her door, which swung itself open to swallow her up.

Ragatha: POMNI-!

Even if Ragatha had perfect timing, she couldn’t have caught up to her girlfriend in time. By the time she had taken three steps, the jester was across the threshold and the door slammed shut with a teeth-chattering bang, locking itself. 

——

Pomni awoke in darkness. Her head swam, and her upset equilibrium couldn’t tell if she was sitting up or hanging upside down. She felt around in the dark, her gloved hand grasping the shotgun laying beside her. So she was right side up, good start.

There was a clunk somewhere and she was blinded, covering her eyes with the back of her hand. A tinny buzz signaled that she was under some lights. She felt her pupils constrict painfully as she squinted at her surroundings. 

It was an office. An almost perfect imitation of symmetrical, focus-grouped blandness. The cheap carpet beneath her was an inoffensive green, the walls sterile, corporate white, and the drop ceiling above her lit with fluorescent, brain-itching lights. A few posters showing nonsensical cartoons sparsely decorated the walls. One had a man throwing a fish back into the lake he just caught it from with “Keep on The On Keeping On” overlaid over the sky in impact font, another showing an orange house cat looking up curiously at a T-Rex, with the quote “If at First You Don’t Succeed, Bite Off Your Tongue and Change Your Name to Xerxes” on the bottom, attributed to Buster Keaton.

There was a large table set up between the two rows of cubicles, empty bowls that may have contained chips or punch sitting on them, with a few cheap pink party hats and paper plates littering the floor. It wasn’t at all clear what the party was celebrating, the only clue being a lone greeting card laying on the table. Pomni brought along the shotgun and picked up the card. It was totally blank on the front apart from some words written in silver. 

Pomni: “To our new Employee.” *she flips it open* 

“The time for riddles has since passed,

For you are the very last.

We present to you a terror pure

That, by yourself, you must endure.”

One of the tiles on the drop ceiling was knocked loose, falling onto a desk and snapping in two. An arm emerged from the hole in the ceiling, a long, purple arm with a bright yellow glove on the end.

Pomni: Jax?

Another arm emerged from the ceiling, this one soft and plush, a hand with three fingers…

Voice: Pom… niiiiii…

Pomni: Oh my god…

A head emerged from the dark, or rather, two heads. Jax and Ragatha’s heads, squished together cheek-to-cheek and sloppily melted into one another like plastic. Their eyes were blank and staring, the middle eye fused together with Jax’s yellow sclera bleeding into Ragatha’s white, their mouth a single, grotesque combination of Jax’s yellow teeth and Ragatha’s sweet painted smile. Their entire body below the chest was a mass of squirming black flesh and multicolored eyes, exactly the same as Kaufmo’s was. Abstracted.

Creature: Pom…niiii….

It fell from the drop ceiling onto the floor, out of sight behind the cubicles. Pomni, her hands quaking, aimed at the cubicles with the shotgun, doing her best to look down the ironsights without dropping it. She only had one shot…

The creature rounded the corner slowly, dragging its combined weight on just its hands. The black abstracted goo stuck to the floor behind it and left a nauseating snail-trail. The creature mewled in agony.

Creature: Pom… ni…. It hurts… 

Pomni: …

The creature leapt forward and grabbed the barrel of the gun, pushing it out of the way and grabbing onto Pomni’s leg. A disgusting, earthworm-like tongue shot out of its mouth and wrapped around her leg as it whined piteously.

Creature: Pom… niiii… why didn’t you… save us… please… make it stop….

Pomni: Okay.

Pomni pressed the muzzle of the gun to the creature’s dual foreheads, and it barely had time to look confused before Pomni pulled the trigger and blasted off the top of its head. There was a squidgy explosion of black abstraction goo that rained down on the cheap green floors and into the food bowls. The amalgamated creature, the top of its head now a fine oily paste, slid to the ground off of Pomni’s leg. Pomni stepped back, looking up at the ceiling.

Pomni: …You wanted me to run, right? You wanted me to run away. I… I think I’m done with that. There’s no point in running, right? Because there’s no escape. Running only makes things worse, delays the inevitable. Well. Mission accomplished, I guess. You scared me. But I killed your little monster. So… I’d like to get back to my nightmare now.

She dropped the gun on the floor and opened the exit door, closing it behind her politely.

——

Back on the digital beach, Caine and Bubble were still relaxing. A rift opened up a few feet away and the six performers tumbled out onto the sand. 

Jax: Caine! Bubble! My guuuuuuuys- *makes finger guns at them as he flops onto his back, starting to make a sand angel*

Caine: GADZOOKS! YOU ALL MADE IT OUT OF THERE! CONGRATULATIONS ON DEFEATING THE FIRST EVER PROCEDURALLY GENERATED ADVENTURE!

Caine snapped his fingers and the six of them were immediately clean. The hole in Jax’s foot knit closed and he sat up, blinking.

Jax: What the- Wh… where am I? Oh, man, why do I smell so bad… *covers his mouth and where his nose would be#

Layla hopped with joy and went over to Kinger, who caught her in his hands and pet her.

Kinger: Layla! So good to see you…

Pomni: Hold on. Procedurally generated?

Caine: THAT’S RIGHT, POMNI! USING OUR CLASSIFIED DEFINITELY LEGAL TECHNOLOGY, MY NEW AI PROBED YOUR BRAINS TO-

Pomni: You… left us in that h€!!hole… didn’t even bother to check on us… nearly let us die… and you didn’t even make it yourself. You spent… ALL OF TODAY just sitting on a BEACH?! 

Caine: …………Well, everyone deserves a break now and then-

With a howl of Barbarian rage, Pomni grabbed the meat cleaver from Zooble’s claw and took a swing at Caine.

Caine: WOAH! HEY NOW, TAKE IT EASY-

Pomni: I’M GONNA STAB YOU TO DEATH AND PLAY IN YOUR BLOOD!

Caine: I DON’T HAVE ANY BLOOD- *ducks another swipe* HEY, WAIT-

Pomni continued to chase Caine around the beach with the knife, the ringmaster pitifully trying to calm the madwoman down. The performers watched the chaos with some gratification. Bubble slid them a bucket of seashells.

Bubble: You guys want one? 

Everyone: No.

Bubble: More for me! *he downs the entire bucket in one go*

Caine: WATCH THE COAT! WATCH THE COAT-

[phocidine]

I feel like there’s a disconnect between what fans frustrated with Bad’s character want for consquences and what Bad’s fans consider consquences.

(Explanation below)

Bad was self-harming via modded minecraft bird and having concerning lapses of memory and getting hit in the kneecaps every 2 seconds by purgatory and mourning over his children. And now he’s lost his memory and is either dying from a nuke blast or recovering from dying.

So he’s a character that does some shitty stuff, but he’s also kind of rotting away where he stands, so it balances out right? Why do other fans want him to hurt more? How could he even possibly hurt more than he’s already hurting?

This is what a lot of protective Bad fans believe, but it’s not at all what other fans are talking about.

When I say consequences, I don’t mean the consequences of letting himself be vulture food or the consequences of just…existing in purgatory. These are painful but they have nothing to do with his actions towards others, which are the actions that myself and I suspect a lot of other BBH fatigued fans care about. Does everyone remember that whole ordeal where Bad got interrogated by Tubbo about Ron? Bad would be eaten by soul vultures whether he tortured Ron or not, but Tubbo beefing with him only happened because of what he did to Ron. THAT is a consequence.

And yeah, I do think Bad deserves consequences. Not for stupid shit like furniture stealing, and not for anything that happened in purgatory because I couldn’t watch most of purgatory and I would rather slam my head into a wall than talk about purgatory discourse again, but for the cold and calculating way he treated all of his friends for his big scheme after the Acceptance stream onwards.

I’m going to guess from the fact that this behavior started at the same time as Bad’s rapid mental health decline that we as an audience are not supposed to consider Bad treating everyone around him like ends to the means of his mysterious plan as a good thing, or a neutral character trait.

It might be easy to brush off Bad’s behavior as just angst not really worth remembering, but…I was invested in Baghera’s backstory and how it intertwined with the Ron storyline. I was invested in her and Bad’s friendship. I don’t want to just brush off the fact that Baghera drug herself through the mud to protect Bad and he ignored her in return. Situations like this have happened several times. Bad acts like an asshole to people he cares about because he has a one track mind to save the eggs, and then anyone who would like to see the pain or indignity he caused those other characters have some kind of follow up just don’t get it.

I’ve heard some confusion over why people want consequences from Bad when other characters have done way worse, but the thing is those characters DO get consequences.

Cellbit can’t embrace his cannibal persona and be friends with Pac at the same time. He’s messing up his relationship with his sister. He’s pitting Fit and Bagi against him because they care about the two people he has hurt. The Feds are looking for the worker killer right now and who knows what they plan to do to him. Cellbit does shitty things, and whether not you think he’s justified in any of it, he is suffering as a DIRECT consequence.

Slimecicle didn’t go on a murder spree against the eggs and then everyone just moved on and forgot about it. He was crying and screaming about Flippa throughout the entire thing, and at the end of the stream he has a very sincere “what am I doing?” moment and admits to himself that she’s gone and he needs to accept it. He showed regret, and then he went down and apologized to everyone and said it wouldn’t happen again (although admittedly he did treat the apology part like a bit). This example is kind of shaky because killing eggs was still less of a huge deal back then, but I still wanted to bring it up because consequences don’t always have to be punishments, they can be moments of humility and regret, too. Bad is in despair because of the missing eggs, but it would be nice to see him have some despair over how disconnected he might feel to his loved ones specifically because of the effects of his downward spiral. Or to have him show some regret for how he acted, whether he ends up apologizing or not. I doubt this will happen, it doesn’t really seem like ccBad’s style, but it is an option.

The eggs are back now so Bad will probably go back to being a slightly obnoxious babysitter with trust issues and the frustration of him being able to throw people under the bus for his own needs and getting away with it constantly will hopefully fade away. I do like Bad’s character after all, I just also like the characters that interact with him and feel like they deserve better in the narrative.

[thus-spoke-lo]

Do number 7 for the self ship drabbles!

You know it’s funny, I have an almost-complete reader-insert fic with this same idea, written from Zoro’s perspective that was absolutely just self-shipping so… here’s this lol.

Written in first person, currently hiding under my pillow for posting this.

I watched him from the bar.

“Go ask him to dance,” I heard a voice suddenly whisper-shouting in my ear, fighting to be heard over the band that played a few feet away. Nami had her head resting on my shoulder as she watched Zoro along with me, and I could almost feel the energy of her grin radiating from her.

“No,” I demurred, shaking her off and grabbing my drink with both hands. “I’m not gonna ask him to dance.”

“Why not?” She rested her elbow on my shoulder and leaned into me. “You like him, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about?” A deep, painful heat flooded my cheeks, even hotter than the flush I’d felt from the alcohol. “No I don’t.”

“Yes. You do. You’re not subtle, you know.” She thumped me on the back of the head. “So go ask him to dance.”

“What if he says no?”

“Then I’ll dance with you. Or Luffy will!”

“Please no, I can’t handle him again, I still have bruises from the last time he tried to dance with me.”

Nami sighed. “Just go and ask him already!”

“Fine, I’ll do it just to shut you up.” I slid off my barstool on shaky legs and glanced over my shoulder as Nami shooed me towards the booth in the corner where Zoro sat alone, leaned back with his arms behind his head, his eye closed and a collection of empty ale mugs scattered across his table. I stood there for a moment, took a deep breath, and readied myself to walk away and accept whatever consequences I’d have from Nami, when I heard a gruff, “Yes?”

Zoro turned his head and opened his eye, and I stood there, heart pounding, hands shaking as I shoved them in my pockets. “Did you want something?”

“Oh, yeah I…” I trailed off. This was the moment if there was going to be one—all this time spent pining after him, worrying over him when he got hurt, wondering if I ever moved through his thoughts the way he barged through mine a hundred times a day. I took a breath and blurted out, “Do you wanna dance? With me?”

“I don’t dance,” he said quickly, his eyes flitting over my face. He cleared his throat and I would have sworn a slight blush spread over his tanned face. “Why don’t you just ask that damn cook to dance with you, I know he’d be happy to.”

“I don’t want to dance with Sanji,” I said, letting the alcohol make me just brave enough to not slink under a table at his refusal. “I want to dance with you.”

“L-look, I already told you, I don’t dance,” he stammered as he glanced down at the table and slowly spun one of the empty ale mugs.

“Alright well, nevermind. Sorry I bothered you,” I said, forcing a smile as I started walking back to the bar. I felt a hand grip mine, and Usopp quickly pulled me to the dance floor and spun me around a few times.

“Everything okay?” he asked as he dipped me to the floor and almost dropped me.

“Couldn’t be better,” I lied through a giggle as I composed myself and wandered back to the bar. I sat and watched the rest of the crew—Robin and Franky chatting in a dark corner, Usopp dancing with anyone willing, Sanji surrounded by a few lovely locals. It was hard to be upset around them, and I knew the dangers of trying to flirt with someone I spent all my time around, but it was worth a shot, I supposed—and it kept me from getting another smack from Nami.

I sipped on another drink—a stronger one, as the bartender seemed to take pity on a heartbroken fool—when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Nami, what is it now?” I asked without looking up.

“Do you, uh…do you still wanna dance?”

I turned to see Zoro standing behind me, one hand on his neck, working hard to avoid my gaze.

“Let me guess,” I sighed, chugging the rest of my drink, feeling it sting on the way down. “Did Nami put you up to this?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, sort of.” We both looked over and saw Nami looking at us before she quickly scurried into the crowd. “She just um, encouraged me.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know. But I…I want to.”

I turned around to face him, and suppressed a smile at how flushed he was—I never really saw him act anything but cocky, never saw anything but a confident grin stretched across his lips. But now he looked…almost nervous. I held out my quaking hand to him. “Well, then let’s dance, swordsman.”

He took my hand in his, and gripped it tightly as I hopped down from the stool. He leaned down towards me and whispered, “You’re shaking.”

“You make me nervous,” I said, feeling a little more honest as that last glass of alcohol hit me.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s just me.”

“I know it’s just you, what’s why I’m nervous.”

He walked me to a quiet corner, away from the larger crowd, and pulled me against him. I slowly, hesitantly, placed one hand on his chest.

“So, uh, what do we do now?” he asked, his large palm carefully resting on my waist, the other still wrapped around my clammy hand.

“We dance,” I smiled. “Just um, just kinda sway back and forth a little.”

“Like this?” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, in time to the rhythm of the band.

“Just like that.”

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I don’t know when it was that his hand moved up to splay across my lower back and press me closer to him. I don’t know how long it took for me to wrap my arms around his lean waist, or how long it took for his free hand to cradle the back of my head as I rested it on his chest. I only know that it was long after the rest of the crew had passed out in booths or headed back to the ship to rest, that we even realized the music had stopped.

[zuzu-draws]

I was wondering if you had any good obikaka fic suggestions? Like stuff where obito is crushing on kakashi but kakss3hi doesnt know it or something, just need some good shipp reading

Hmmm I'm someone who can be considered as a hardcore Angst-reader. Meaning, i like to read some stuff that will often leave me crying into a pillow or something. I guess i like it when characters go through pain x'''D Hahaha EMOTIONAL PAIN!

Unfortunately, some of the fics i would've put here have been long since deleted, but let me recommend some LEGENDARY ones that are still here! :-

Light and Shadow originally written by Kelakair, but translated by noppe

These three fics are LITERALLY my all-time favorite OBKK fics. it Absolutely destroyed me in the feels, I won't spoil much, But Hokage! Kakashi accidentally time-travels back to the moment He had killed Rin..and yeah well, i definitely recc reading this, this is so good. He's there right after Obito is done with his rampage.

To Save The Things We Love by Shyaway95, teslatempest

I'm not sure if this can strictly be considered as an ABO, i don't think it quite is. But it includes MPreg, so beware!! The Kid is absolutely adorable, Obito had no Idea he had become a dad (didn't even do the deed with Kakashi so WTF!) and parental! Kakashi. Obito catches the feelings while watching them (and protecting them) but denies it. Some good stuff if i may add myself lmao

Tsuku No Oka by octopizzy

Obito survives the Fourth Shinobi War. There is A LOT of heavy emotional tension between him and Kakashi. He goes on the journey for self-redemption with Sasuke. Sadly, one chapter is still left, but it's still REALLY worth the read!

Karmic Balance by Sanjuno

LISTEN!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST STUFF YOU CAN READ ABOUT OBKK!! After the ending of the original Naruto series. Both Kakashi and Obito are reincarnated into the world of KHM (I literally don't know anything about this series), but their FIRST meeting in this new world WILL reduce you to tears. I literally cried to this in the past because it's SUCH a good hurt to comfort fic!! So fullfilling!

komorebi by tomorrowsrain

Read this, I am genuinely begging you to read this. This fic will give you a lot of angst WITH the most fulfilling fluff around the end! SO!! READ IT!! RIGHT NOW!! GO GO GO-! It's canon divergent i think, that starts from Tobi's Kyuubi attack on Konoha. Kakashi actually takes his side and kills some ANBUs in a fit of panic but they both end up getting captured and eventually exiled. Kakashi's guilt-ridden while Obito is angry, so angry at the world and also at Kakashi.

Chef's kiss~

Do Ninjas Believe in Magic? by kanna666summon

If you like Harry Potter AUs, this is one of the best i've ever read regarding OBKK :p Sadly :'') It's incomplete so far, but i'm still hoping the Author finishes it someday because i'm really attached to this fic.

I think that's enough fic recommendations for now. There were MANY fics i've loved which were written by SweetDreamsAreMadeOfNaruto , like "Breaking Insanity" etc etc, but sadly they've deleted all theirs fics :') Let me know if you enjoyed these! If you feel like it, go ahead and add your own recommendations in the reblogs/comments too!

Enjoy!

[preciouslandmermaid]

so as u guys know i went through a breakup in june. which was a good thing. i wasn’t invested in the relationship, i was unhappy, the honeymoon had faded, there were flags that i simply couldn’t ignore (both in him and myself!) and i knew i needed to return to my happiest state - being single and annoying online.

today, on the first day back of work, this motherfucker asks to talk to me afterwards and im like “yeah sure.” thinking that like we’re just gonna chat real quick in the parking lot. no. hes like “where can we meet.” and im like “idk starbucks i guess.” 

i’ve been keeping my distance from him because that’s what was best for ME. we literally haven’t spoken in 2 weeks. so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was just trying to catch up, be friendly. i rationalized that since we were only together about 5 months, then it wouldn’t be completely weird to start being friends now that 2 months have passed since the separation. 

besties....he wanted to know if we could get back together. 😠 i was like ?????????? and he was like “well, we spent the summers working on ourselves” (bro ur still not in therapy so i disagree), and then he was like “i feel like we broke up because i was having such a hard time at work and was going through a hard time and it reflected on our relationship.” and i was like uhhh. and so i said a metaphor i was like “us getting back together would be like trying to complete a puzzle when you’ve lost pieces in the vacuum.” and he goes “OH WELL, relationships have their ups and downs! we could still find those pieces.”

i legit wish someone was recording my face. i was in shock. like when we broke up, i did tell him i hoped we could be friends, i told him i hoped we could be in each other’s lives and that maybe (and it’s a big maybe) we could reconnect in the far future. (but, i remember when i said this, i was only saying it to be nice. which was a mistake since it led me to this whole conversation). 

ANYWAYS. to make a long story short. i told him No. and he was like “why i dont understand. you said you loved me. how could you love me and then not love me anymore. this is really hurting my self-worth. i dont understand. what changed??”

and i just...didn’t engage really. i wasn’t gonna list all the reasons. i already did that when we broke up and he demanded answers. i told him that i didn’t feel the connection anymore. and i already know im hurting his feelings AGAIN. eventually i just said “i’m happier single.” and he was like “oh? so i won’t see you dating someone in six months?” and i was like “probably not?? but idk?” he also brought up an old interaciton we had waaay back in march and tried to gaslight me by saying i got defensive during it, but i literally wrote that interaction down beat by beat so i remember how it went because it made me feel so uncomfortable and was my first serious red flag. >:( you cannot trick me! 

we managed to end the conversation and i stayed firm within my boundaries even tho he looked sad/was tearing up and kept asking me for reasons (idk why being unhappy in the relationship isn’t a reason enough for him??) a few hours after i got home, he texted me and was like “Was everything you said earlier true? No lying to save my feelings?” and i texted him back and was like “Yeah, it was all true.” idk how i could’ve been any clearer. i think he just dislikes hearing things he doesn’t want to hear. (omg also he brought up bell hooks--someone i introduced him to!--and was like “are you just chasing the next high?” and i was like “??? idk ??” )

my friends keep telling me he was emotionally manipulative, but it’s hard for me to see it. maybe in time i will be able to. but again--im just proud of myself for not “cowering” and changing my mind because i’ve got a person in front of me who i do care about --and who is sad--who i could make happy by doing what he wants.

but that is no life worth living. i live for myself. for my own happiness. and i was not happy in the relationship. you don’t need any other reason to leave-- if you’re unhappy, you can just go. it’s fine. i think that’ll be the big lesson i takeaway from this whole debacle. 

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry in advance for treating this like ‘Dear Abby’ but I am in need of some advice from a Queer Adult TM…

So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about ten years now. We’re seventeen right now, so let’s just say we went through allllll the phases together. We realized we were queer together, we had our first fandom experiences together (they were actually the person who introduced me to fanfic, which I’m really grateful for, because ever since it has been an integral part of my life), we were DeviantArt furry artists together circa 2016, it was a lot of embarrassing but also fun times. We are also both… and quite mentally ill and it was nice to have someone to help me through the worst bits (when I didn’t have access to therapy or meds) and how I could help them in return.

Lately (maybe over the past 2 years?) we’ve been drifting apart. I think it has a lot to do with the fact we don’t have many common interests anymore (they stopped caring about mine, and stopped sharing theirs with me), but we still do a lot together. They’re my coworker, a member of my ttrpg group, etc. etc.. Due to social anxiety they were my only friend for many years but now I have a few more, so I don’t mind not being as close to them (and I dislike putting the burden of me being reliant/clingy on them). However, they’ve recently been making it harder and harder for me to keep that friendship.

They smoke weed, get shitty stick and pokes, binge energy drinks and shoplift. I don’t have any moral issue with any of those things, but it’s concerning to me because I know they are not in the the right headspace to make those decisions about substances (and the rest). We have both struggled with mental illness, self-harm, and eating disorders. Part of the reason I drifted away from them is because they have no filter and “vent” about their problems to the point where it is very triggering to me (especially in terms of sh and ed). I don’t mind lending an ear but I also have boundaries that I put in place for myself… But yeah, even though they have access to treatment it seems not to be working, or there’s something hindering it. It really hurts to see them in such a bad place because we started out in similar places in regards to our mental health and now that I’m in a better place, they’re not.

I genuinely love and care about this person, but it’s so hard to help them when they shut down every form of help I + the rest of our mutual friends can offer. They’re very manipulative, I would like to think without meaning to, to the point where they twist my words around (for example, recently they did something extremely inappropriate and when I told them I was concerned for their well-being, they said they were sorry for making me “uncomfortable”). They’re also one of those people that plays oppression Olympics, and insists their parents are homophobic and tried to send them to conversion therapy— I know their parents very well, they are literal leftists who have pride flags in their front yard, campaign for politicians that support queer and trans rights, and attend one of the only completely gay-friendly and supporting churches in the area. But the way they talk about them causes other people to dislike them and think they’re homophobic, which they have noticed. I think it’s cruel to them, and also symptomatic of a larger problem that my friend has— they don’t seem to understand that their actions and words have consequences for other people.

I guess what I wanted to ask was: is it worth cutting this person off? I have a feeling that we were naturally grow even farther apart as we go to university, because our values are very different… They’re an anti, I’m not, they have a very surface-level views of politics and believe everything they read in Instagram infographics, I don’t. I don’t consider myself very mature, but they look very immature next to me. Besides, being around them often ends up negatively impacting me as well. However, I worry that cutting them off will makes things worse for them. I don’t want to see them get even more hurt. My confrontations haven’t been doing anything, but maybe they’ll come to their senses eventually.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation, but I’d appreciate any advice from anyone willing to offer it.

--

Since you're about to go off to college, I'd let the friendship naturally fade.

It's not your job to save this person, and I do think you need to get away from them since they don't seem to be making an effort. But since you're naturally drifting away anyway, I don't think having a big, dramatic friend breakup will help anything.

On another note, everyone should have a moral objection to shoplifting. Not only is it dishonest and a sign that something is fucking wrong with you to shoplift, but shoplifters directly hurt retail peons who will get their pay cut as a result of store losses.

People who do this aren't sticking it to the man. They're parasites who hurt other nobodies.

The fact that a lot of teens (American teens?) think this disgraceful behavior is normal enrages me.

[divatheawesome]

I haven’t shared in a while . I feel resentment towards him . I tried the couples therapy . I paid for part of it and now it’s his turn and he is not in the least bit interested . I have explained how his loud snoring hurts me and I wake up disoriented , sleep deprived and with massive headache . Yet he won’t quit smoking or do the nose surgery or get the CPAP machine at night to help with his breathing . It’s either I sleep next to him and suffer or we sleep in two separate bedrooms . I told him about the other bed as a temporary solution . But he would rather do nothing than do something . And that is my problem to begin with . I shifted from full time to part time after 6 or 8 months of asking for it to accommodate his new life by a highway in a faraway city . So I wouldn’t cause an inconvenience and ask for another place before marriage . I also resent my parents because I expressed my concerns about the house being in the middle of nowhere and they brushed me off . I spoke up about how far it is from all that I know , work , graduate studies , family and friends . Still they said yeah it will be fine . And it was not fine . I spoke up about how it’s a big house and he doesn’t have the means or I to provide for it . And everyone insisted that I keep working towards it so the engagement goes by smoothly. I spoke up about my concerns that he has no degree in the field we are working in or a plan but still they said it’s okay it will be fine . I spoke up about his parents influence on all of his decisions and they said that’s normal and it will become less when you marry him . I spoke up about the differences of spending between what he was raised to and what I am raised to . And they said it’s okay you will learn to live in a different way . I mentioned that my mother in law is nosy and she tries to have things her way . They said it’s okay it will lessen with time . I mentioned that the engagement is going by too fast and it’s all spent in house preps and marriage stuff and there’s barely time for us . They said oh well the economy is falling apart so it must be the nearest possible date .

And now I’m crashing with the reality where I feel my body is suffering , my career , my friendships and there is no plan for improvement in the future .

I can’t take all those long car commutes in crazy cairo traffic , and be a good phd student , and a good dr at the private practice and run it , and a good academic at university and learn to be a surgeon , and a nice wife that does her daily duties and put up with everyone’s shit .

I’m so down that I kept self soothing for food for about a year . And guess what I became so fat .

I’m far away from my mental health practitioner so I’m without help . And getting a new app takes forever and finding the right fit and starting all over .

And now I have started the job hunt and got myself an offer closer to that house . Now he is considering of selling it to open up his dream project but with no idea how much that project costs or where to move or when . And my life is literally on hold . If he moves then I shouldn’t drop my former employment and bother with a new place that is probably inferior but just because it’s closer to his house and work . If he doesn’t move , then the move with spare me some of the distance but it will take me back to square one in terms of new place new rules and I need to build just to be acceptable and earn rights and prove myself , meet new people and less job stability .

I am just so tired of this shit . My life is not pleasant in the current state . I will still have to go far commutes to private practice phd visiting parents . It’s just two days of less commute .

And i don’t know if it’s worth it . To do all of this for him . It feels like I keep losing parts of myself if what makes me content or fulfilled to fit into the notion of being married .

I can’t always be in limbo . He won’t open up that project with other investors money cause he wants to work for himself but he is willing to compromise on living in smaller space or lesser neighbourhood to do it . After my dad paid for almost all the furniture to fill his place . When to begin with ; I asked him to let go of that place because it would put him at a financial disadvantage . And now after he spent all his money on fixing up a place , he wants me to go someplace smaller and without fixing it up so he can save that money for an imaginary project with no plan whatsoever .

It feels wrong . Why make me twist over sideways ? A change should be for the Better of both us ? Not just one . .

Even that he can’t make a decision .

I am at my parents because I’m sick and I just had an emergency incision and drainage of an abscess . I think it’s my body”s way of saying that’s it I have had enough . It’s literally making me sick running all over the city west and east to try to be everywhere and do everything for everyone . I am sick and tired .

[lynnarang]

Parasites

cw// parasites, butt stuff, medical trauma, body horror, depression, bathroom stuff, self harm, venting, don't read this tbh

I can always feel them, crawling around down there. Unseen parasites, burrowing in and around my anal cavity. They first appeared half a lifetime ago and since then I think they've become more at home in this stifling fleshsuit than I am.

I've tried everything, you know. I've declared all-out war on them, sacrificing every other aspect of my life in the vain hopes of ridding myself of them. I've gone halfway, adopting measures to combat the symptoms of their intrusion in some kind of hopeful attempt to wait them out. I've even tried giving up and ignoring them. Like a shirt you've been wearing all day or the cadence of your own breath, any sensation can be ignored if you're used to living with it 24/7, right?

But they don't sit still. They worm their way through my misshapen body, favoring the scars the surgeons had left through half a dozen failed attempts to remove them. I can feel the places where the skin rises, a decade old contusion that forgot to heal, with those horrid things wriggling about just beneath.

It's funny, in a way. After all this time, I still can't really bring myself to tell others about them. That I'm infested with anal parasites that have gnawed away at my ability to sit, to walk, to run, to defecate. It's gross, isn't it? It's disgusting.

The mental image of a trans woman in her mid-twenties sobbing on the toilet as she takes a painful shit that she knows is gonna leave her bed-bound for the next 2-6 hours... It's unpleasant, isn't it? The thought alone smells like fecal matter and dried blood.

The worst part is I can't even see them. They're hidden in my skin, in the one place that's hard for me to look even with a mirror. I don't even know what my own anus looks like, the skin down there is too deformed for me to even see it now. And yeah, that makes it a bitch to clean down there, whether it's blood or shit. Where do you think the smell comes from?

Sometimes it makes me want to take a knife to my own butt, to carve it open like the surgeons did, to get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out-

But it's not that easy, I know that. I don't want to go back to the surgeons, not after all their failed attempts. I know it will just be another scars worth of money, time, and pain. But I don't know how much longer I can ignore it either. The sudden pains, the horrid smell, the frozen position I have to lay in bed because the slightest movement feels like someone is trying to crawl out of my anus and stretch my body in half-

I have to stop. I have to stop thinking about it. I have to stop writing. I'm not getting any of this out, I'm just sticking it in the forefront of my mind, opening every door I've slammed shut in the past eleven years.

But I miss being able to run. I miss being able to use the bathroom without holding my breath. I miss not having to spend days of my life staring at the ceiling or wall, in too much pain to focus on anything else. I hate this. I hate thinking about it, I hate living through it, I hate how tired of it I am.

But I guess at the end of the day it's just what I gotta live through. It could be worse, right? It's not the worst disability to have, if I can even really call it one. It's not like I can go to my disability application bureau and tell them I have a crippled butt and expect them to understand can I?

So I just gotta make do.

Anyway, Butt's starting to hurt again. I'm gonna go lay back down. Sorry to have filled your head with these kind of images for nothing.

[missingn000]

before i begin lemme preface this ask with the fact that this may be one of my favourite chapters yet

after multiple failed instances of trying to convey that he’s on nobara’s side… finally, higuruma manages to get the message through. crystal clear. and of course it’d be through his actions, because that’s nobara’s primary mode of communication too. i mentioned in my previous analysis that while nanami’s the father figure nobara wants, higuruma’s the one she needs - and that’s because they understand each other best. subconsciously at first, but higuruma’s finally hit with that revelation in this chapter lol

I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look.

god i love this line. in retrospect, i think higuruma’s initial refusal to (fully) acknowledge their similarities might’ve been the direct cause for their indirect friction. it resulted in nobara feeling like she wasn’t seen, even though most of everything she does is for that purpose. in this one parent-teacher conference alone higuruma has managed to establish three crucial facts: firstly, that he’s genuinely proud of nobara and unafraid to admit it; secondly, that he’s there not to control her actions, but to provide guidance (= respecting her self-agency, which we’ve already established is important to her); and thirdly, possibly the most important of all, that he has her back, as all parents should. she’s not alone in her beliefs, in her sense of justice, because he feels just the same way.

…and so it only makes sense that she would be the one to judge him, that she would be the one to deem him worthy of a second chance. even though she didn’t explicitly forgive him for murdering the sheriff, he still stuck with her - and i think nobara’s slowly starting to realise that he’s here to stay, no matter how often they butt heads

anyway. intriguing that higuruma would want to be a clockmaker, given the chance. nanami’s CT is partially time-based… i see what u did there

“There’s something about him that’s almost like my dad.”

But Nobara’s father abandoned her, or something close to it.

haha very funny. this doesn’t bode well at all. um. yeah

you gotta love how higuruma went from listening to getou rant about killing someone slowly to actually doing it himself lmfao. i’m curious what nobara’s reaction will be though - previously, higuruma was able to conceal the fact he’d killed the sheriff for her, but there’s no denying the connection in this one. that’s going to be a fun conversation to have. i guess both she and yuuta are in the same boat then huh

SPEAKING OF WHOM!! oh my god i’m so proud of him. he essentially told nobara to be herself, which, coming from him, is pretty damn direct; not to mention he hinges his self-worth on agreeing with people, not contradicting them, so this is a big step for him. unfortunately some of this progress is immediately undone when he loses control of rika, landing us back at square one. or… square[d] five (i’m hilarious, i know) because maki says this in ch25:

“Rika is your excuse for allowing yourself to be isolated from others, to spare them from your presence. If they can’t get close in the first place, then you don’t even have to try!”

…which he has once more resorted to doing. it might seem like a total regression at first glance, but i like to think there’s a slight difference. instead of isolating himself wholly out of self-deprecation (where he assumes his presence is intolerable and unwanted, something to “spare” people from), he’s now doing so out of a genuine desire to protect his friends. the worthlessness part comes after, when—

“Suguru is the only person to ever stand against her. He’s the only person who ever tried.”

—trying only led to more people getting hurt, so i’m sure that’ll do wonders for yuuta’s self-esteem.

finally, about getou:

he goes from “It’s not about what he would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?”, which is so interesting to me. getou claims his principles take precedence over yuuta’s desires, but specifically asks if playing with nonsorcerers would make yuuta happy. it’s a relatively small concession, but i think it’ll lead to bigger compromises - it’s like what you said about a cracked dam being doomed. already, getou’s had to make so many exceptions, for tsumiki, for maki, but they’re largely separated from his world; yuuta, on the other hand, is not, and he has to constantly strike a balance between his ideals, and yuuta’s feelings. nanako and mimiko (his biggest supporters) tagging along doesn’t help either

can’t wait to see how he justifies wiping the okkotsus from existence. mental breakdown 3.0 here we go

RESPONDING TO THIS SO LATE BECAUSE WE ALWAYS TALK METAS IN DMS THAT I FORGOT I DIDNT RESPOND TO THIS

higuruma, my pathetic wet sock of a man. yuuta, my pathetic wet sock of a child. real fun chapter huh. okay. here we go. surprising no one this got long so answer below cut.

i love your outline of the three facts higuruma was able to establish with her this chapter. i think nobara didn't realize how badly she needed someone to be proud of her until now. because she's so independent, the idea of relying on someone for external validation or support when she gets into predicaments is literally horrifying -- so how could that be something she wants to pursue, especially with someone like higuruma? higuruma who is horribly violent, extremely depressed, and far more similar to her than she'd want to admit.

in fact, higuruma's line "I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look" goes both ways. higuruma is not someone she wants to have as any sort of caretaker or role model, so her predicament becomes:

how can you see yourself in someone you don't want to look up to?

PLUS THE PARALLELS BETWEEN GETOU & HIGURUMA HERE...ok we talked about this in our chat and you're about to see it in the insane meta doc i'm about to send you but i'll reiterate it here.

chapter 38 starts with getou killing someone for insulting yuuta despite yuuta not even being there. higuruma realizes he once would've thought this was crazy, but now he somewhat understands because that's the natural reaction of a father -- especially one like him, with a short kill fuse and attached to his children to a fault he later asks getou if it's what yuuta would have wanted. getou knows it's not, so all he can do is reply that it's not what yuuta would've wanted, but it's right. higuruma internally wonders how getou can tell when those shouldn't be the same thing, and internally concludes it must be some fatherly instinct

and the close…..

higuruma murders people for insulting nobara despite nobara not even being there. direct, clear-cut parallel, but what's so important about this is that higuruma distinctly described this as a father thing. no, he's not really processing the implications of his own actions, but it cements on a deep level that he views nobara as his daughter he, like getou, has a very short kill fuse and has been attached to nobara since the very start; he just likely didn't realize how deep it runs

here's the thing. as fucked up as it is, getou killing someone for insulting yuuta is something yuuta actually expects. but does nobara think higuruma would do that for her?

no fucking way.

in her mind, higuruma only kills people who piss him off, or people he thinks deserve it. to her, it's hard to fathom that not only would higuruma get that angry on her behalf, but he would be pushed to thinking people who hurt her don't deserve to live.

would nobara have gotten some twisted satisfaction had higuruma successfully dragged them there to beg forgiveness before her? yeah, she totally would. but if she found out he killed them?? just for insulting her?? she'd be fucking mortified.

higuruma knows this. he doesn't want her to blame herself, so he simply doesn't tell her. in his mind, he knows it's not what she would've wanted, but to him, their deaths were right.

what's so interesting about the way it contrasts with what you mentioned with getou, about him going from “It’s not about what [Yuuta] would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?” to yuuta is...not only is what higuruma did not right, but it also wouldn't make nobara happy. perhaps something theyll both have to contend with in the future. just...just a fun thought.

well, we all know now what happened with getou, the okkotsus, and yuuta. but yuuta does really go on a very nonlinear rollercoaster of character development, huh. good for him. good for getou. now time to make everything worse

[thechillsquid]

Exhaustion

Warnings for mentions of sucidical thoughts, depression and anxiety, mental health stuff, dysphoria, neurodivergence, etc. And since I know some folk that know me are lurking, no worries, ain’t gonna hurt myself, but sometimes you need to say a few things to the void

Anyways. Exhaustion, curious concept isn’t it?

Creeps in, steals your time. A few seconds here, a few minutes there, and then you’ve been laying in bed for hours awake and wondering why. It sucks I suppose, espically when you can’t sleep it off, but I guess that tells ya a thing about the types of exhaustion.

Physical, mental, and emotional

And I think I’ve hit every single one, this lovely fusion of the exhaustion of self. The wondering of why, the wondering of what else, the wondering of when does it stop being so damn tiring.

Because physical exhaustion can only be taken so far until you pass out, mental exhaustion can only be taken so far until you break, and emotional exhaustion can only be taken so far before you have a meltdown; but the exhaustion of self?

That’s a lovely new hell. Because even if you fall asleep, your dreams are strained and there’s too much in your head. So even when you wake up, you’re not rested. Because even when you’ve managed to treat yourself kindly for once, your body will ache and you feel like a fraud. Because even when you’ve managed to have a good cry, your face hurts and your nose runs and your mind yells at you.

Because sometimes I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of all the stupid trauma that doesn’t feel like it should be called that. I’m tired of all the stupid emotions I can’t properly express. I’m tired of not being able to do what I want.

It’s like, the bad ending to a good show. You think, oh hey, I’ve built all this. I’ve followed this plot, and I think I know how this ends! I had my major conflict and now I can be better! Right? But well. No one expects it to simply crumble in on itself, or maybe, I always did, and so that was the ending I wanted?

Who knows. I mean, how do I know anything is even under my control? Because that in itself is one sugar coated lie if I’ve ever heard of one. Because shit happens. And even when it seems logical and controllable, you can’t see all the consequences lining up.

But well… if there are consequences, doesn’t that mean the actions meant something? Doesn’t that mean there are things that are manageable?

I don’t know. It all spirals one way or another, looping in on itself without actually being worth a damn.

But fuck. I know people are watching me, observing to see what happens. People talk, and they talk behind your back, and sometimes they lie.

And lying? I never really got it. Like there’s the things of saying ‘Oh yeah, this is good.’ When that bread was too dry and it kinda tasted off but it was made caringly and you still appreciated the effort. There’s the stupid ‘I didn’t do it!’ When we all know you did it. And then the silly ones of ‘I have no clue what you’re talking about’ when they can clearly see you hiding their shit behind your back as you try to crack down on the stupid, giddy grin on your face.

Then, there’s the lies that cut deep. I never got why we tell these ones, I don’t know why I should even make them. But these are the ones that hurt.

‘Of course you’re my friend.’ When they talked behind your back with sharp smiles and amused whispers.

‘That doesn’t matter to me.’ When you can feel their judgement like a hot blade, hearing them whisper how trans people are perverts or how the gays are infiltrating everything.

‘I care about you.’ When they only cared about what you could give them.

I never understood those. Maybe it’s because my mind is heavy enough with tracking the threads of woven lies held in the air and waiting to catch around my throat. Maybe it’s because I can’t stand to have people hide the fact that they’ve hurt me and thus I can’t stand to act like them. Maybe it’s because I find it foolish to pretend.

I always was one of those kids. The ones they talk about when they think you aren’t listening, the one parents stare at with those fucking frowns and sad eyes, the ones they tell you ‘oh. Yeah, well they’re just a little… special.’

I know what it means. I have known. I hate pretending like I don’t. I hate it.

I hate a lot of things.

But I don’t like hating. But well. It seems everyone has to. We hate them because they’re not like us, I hate him because he’s a brat, they hate her because she’s a pervert. Etc etc etc

It’s just. Too much. And I’m so fucking tired.

I’m tired of people hiding behind sweet smiles and fake gestures. I’m tired of people hiding behind ‘I’m doing this for you.’ I’m tired of people deciding I can’t make my own decisions. I’m tired of being stared at and pulled apart. I hate that we actively tear apart the good things. I hate that we are all so paranoid and sad and lonely. I hate it.

I fucking just want to be happy.

But you know. Maybe if I give them an unexpected, horrible ending, it’d make them understand? It’s pretty easy, just a rope or pop the shot. And it’s scary how easy it is. I don’t want it to be that easy. It feels cheap. But sometimes cheap is the only way. But why?

Why does it all have to spiral and wind into each other and crush everything that was known and good and whole?

Why does it feel easier to be dead than to be alive? Why do people hurt each other so deeply? Why do people destroy the world so readily? Why is it all so selfish and cruel?

Why does it hurt so fucking much?

Why does it make me feel bad to acknowledge that it hurts? That I’ve been hurt? That others have been hurt?

Why do I feel guilt for not being able to do enough? Why do I feel guilty for not having the power to do more? Why do I feel guilty for not wanting to live enough?

Why does it all just fall through my fingers like sand pouring down that fucking hourglass?

I just. Am tired.

Everything hurts. My heart hurts, my head hurts, my soul hurts.

And yet. I can’t quite give up just yet, can I? I always was a stubborn bitch I suppose.

And now to let it all fade back into my mind.

And pretend I’m fine once more.

Exhaustion.

How funny.

[abluehappyface]

Can we see the poem

Yeah sure

Tw: Bullying, Sui mention, Othering, Real life events

"I'm in the Third Grade"

I want to lock myself away

Turn my personality off

The world wants me dead

No, it's not your fault

Look inside yourself

See how strange you are

Were you always this way?

I guess so

Write down your stories

Read them all out loud

They react in disgust

Do you see it now?

The world is not your friend

It never truly was

Now look through a different lens

See what they've done

"Why are you so weird?"

I didn't know I was

"You're really different"

Does it matter?

"We're interrogating you"

What for?

"You're not like us"

Is that wrong?

"You always play with boys, play with us instead"

No thanks

I'd rather cut off my head

"Girls are mean!"

"Do you think you're better than ME!?"

"I'm VERY smart you know!"

So am I

Confidence makes you cry

"Don't wear those again"

"They don't look good on you"

I didn't want to anyway

"You think I care about what you think!?"

"We're going to chase you down!"

The two of us ran

But they caught up to us

Bruised our little hands

"We're going to chase you too!"

And so I ran again

I got too fast for them

"You can't do that we're older than you!"

"She thinks she's so smart"

No, I KNOW I am

Despite your torment

I still have self worth (for now)

"Well I'm better than you!"

Prove it

"I'm captain of my ice skating team!"

So?

"You're friends with the weirdos"

How are we weird?

"Why can't you just be normal?"

What's wrong with me?

"I don't like you!"

I don't like you either

"I'm telling on you!"

The teacher never punishes me

"How come you aren't friends with the girls in your class?"

All the girls are rude

"That's not very nice!"

They aren't very nice either

"You need to learn to make friends"

Why should I?

"Friends" end up hurting me

And I don't know why

But if I ask her

She'll say "I had a good time"

No you didn't

You're living a lie

Look at what they did to you

Do you think that's ok?

The way they bullied you

Every single day

Those third graders hated you

Told you "I think you should die"

They were so, SO cruel to you

Yet you never questioned why

You didn't do anything wrong

You're not broken inside

They were just cold

One day you'll no longer cry

But I'm still scared inside

Those "third graders" still lurk at night

Now they could hurt me worse

I wonder if I should hide...

[nekomacheercaptain]

alright i am pulling up a chair and giving you the mic 🪑🎤

take this time to say anything you want about your gentle giant. idc how long it gets i want to know your thoughts the moment you saw him, what you thought of him yeeting law and Baby 5 out, how you felt about what he did, his sacrifice, if you think the show would be better and any very self indulgent headcanons you would love to tell others

Oh my god I don’t even know where to start oh shit but I guess I have to put up a line again because I have so many thoughts about Corazon

This came out to be 2,7K words omg so YES this gets a "keep reading" line

I read the manga before my exam this spring, and I remember thinking Corazon was cute and lovable, but I didn’t start my hardcore simping for him then (I was in my Kid and Killer obsession hahah), it wasn’t until the end of July when I saw a TikTok about Law and Corazon that my brain switched and I got a craving for that man. So then I started reading fics, read all about him in the wiki pages, read theories, read his chapters over again (cried like a bitch) and watched his episodes (and cried even more, my heart broke seeing it all animated and with audio fuck), and I do watch his episodes religiously, because I hate myself apparently:))

He’s a fully blown obsession for me now, the worst I’ve ever had, but he’s so sweet how can I not??? His introduction is super cool (and PLEASE his grunt when he sits down after slapping Baby 5 and Buffalo????? The hottest shit I’ve ever heard, I’m a slut for deep voices like that). And I did find it hilarious when he yeeted Law, I’m sorry, the shot is just too funny. Also the sound when Corazon falls to the floor?? I love it, it’s a fun detail. His clumsiness, the one part of him he just can’t hide is so cute and adorable and melts my heart, but I already knew it was gonna go so fucking wrong later :)) so when he stumbled down that snowy mountain after getting the op op fruit I was preparing myself for his death (I was fortunately not spoiled of WHEN he died and how). And this was when I wasn’t even obsessed with him, and read the manga, I was wailing while reading Law’s backstory.

My heart hurt SO MUCH when tiny little Law managed to find the one enemy on the island. FUCK Vergo >:(. This little boy who just wanted to live a nice life with the giant who risked his life to save him, unbeknownst to him he put aside the mission of saving an entire country from his evil brother.

We already know he’s dead so yeah the backstory hurts like a fucking bitch, because we know it doesn’t end well for him :,)) you’re just anticipating the moment he’s killed, and when it happens it’s in the worst way possible, because it was inevitable and Law still thought there was a chance they would be together, but Cora knew that once he put down the chest’s lid that was the very last time he would look into the eyes of that poor little boy.

Corazon is such an important character, if it wasn’t for him, Law would be Doffy #2. Doffy and Law are clear parallels, where they both were troubled, vengeful children, but Doffy got picked out and raised by like minded people who encouraged and promised that rage and revenge he was seeking, whereas Law got kidnapped by a man who gave his life to a mission that would grant safety for an entire country from his brother. But he abandoned that for Law. He made Law believe there were still things worth living for, he gave Law something he hadn’t had for over 3 years; freedom to live. Freedom to live how he wants, no longer tied to his illness and Doffy.

One Piece is all about free will, and Corazon’s sacrifice is the epitome of that. He didn’t have to save Law at all, even if he was a D. He wanted to save him, he wanted to give hope again to this depressed, angry dying little boy because he couldn’t stand hearing a child talk about their awful fate like that. He threw away his mission for this little boy whose time was limited, ultimately failing a country that his brother would later bestow a great tragedy upon.

Have I thought about writing fics where he survives? Absolutely, wether it be the marines take him into custody barely alive, hanging by a thread, and finally manage to tell them about Dressrosa? Either an OC or y/n joined Corazon and Law on their journey and ultimately managed to save Corazon, but lost Law, not able to find him until 11 or 13 years later when he became a big name all over the world? Or the one I think would hurt the most; Doffy brought his dying brother back with him and has held him captive in a cell ever since that day, and Law doesn’t know he’s been alive all this time because he got freed by Corazon. And while he’s in Dressrosa captive in Doffy’s castle, he finally meets his thought to be dead adoptive father who has been tortured, abused, neglected, isolated, and just completely destroyed for those 13 years. But fuck Law would think Doffy was playing a disgusting trick on him, somehow creating a look-alike just to fuck with him. However, he would break down when Corazon, as awkward and clumsy as only he can be, would joke with a croaky, hoarse voice revealing his abuse; “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you on Swallow Island”.

And then Law would know. He would fucking know everything he’s been fighting and planning for the past 13 years, that vengefulness and emptiness inside of him, was for nothing. It was created by Doffy for nothing. What he had wanted ever since that godawful day was right in front of him, but his smile had been ripped away. The symbol he so proudly had displayed on his back, the symbol of his life, was taken away from the one who had inspired him so much. His savior was no longer one who smiled with his whole face, he was just the shell of a man he used to be. The life in his eyes had been sucked out completely. And that was even worse than him being dead, wasn’t it?

When everything was said and done and Dressrosa was finally freed, Law and Corazon would cry, Law wailing and sobbing into his adoptive father’s chest, and MY GOD SENGOKU WAS THERE TOO. He too would feel like he saw a ghost, his old mind wanting to mess with him, but there he was. His son, his beautiful, kind Rosinante. The son he lost all those years ago, the one that had only lied to him once, a lie that cost him his life. He was standing right in front of him. And it was like he was taken back to the first time they met, seeing that young, lost boy malnourished and distressed in front of him. And he even had a grandson this time around, and though he was a pirate, he was now a part of the family.

I would want for Corazon to join Law, it would be awful for them to part again. For 13 years Law hadn’t had a peaceful night’s sleep without nightmares and noise, his days had been full of bad memories lurking over him, haunting his every move, that day never leaving his mind. And Corazon couldn’t refuse his son, now an adult, his company, promising he would never abandon his side. And after 13 years, Law finally experienced peace in his mind. Well, the only exception being the strawhats.

He would never admit it out loud, but Law would never let his dad out of his sight, giving him tasks that provided him the safety of keeping the gentle giant close at all times. The first thing Law did when Corazon joined him would be to sit down with him and ask what Doffy had done, if there were any injuries that needed an inspection, anything. But secretly he wanted to know what the hell he had been forced to endure the last 13 years to be so different, feeling like he was the one being positive, contradicting their earlier roles. It would take a long time for Corazon to get used to being himself and free again, and Law would cry softly at night, going right back to where he was 13 years ago right after losing his entire world. He almost didn’t notice how quiet it was at night, just like it was those 6 months alone with Corazon. Some things never change :,)

Okay ehm I have to stop there and continue…. His power!!!! His power is so underrated, if that man wasn’t nice and was on plan with his brother, just imagine the destruction they could do??? It’s insane. AND who gets the best sleep in the entire world???? This guy <3

I also headcanon that he knows sign language, it just makes sense and would be cool. More people should learn it (and yeah, Doflamingo knows it too and teaches the kids the filthiest and meanest signs known to man). Writing on a piece of paper is an exhausting form of communication, using signs is better.

Okay, so very self-indulgence, you say??? 👀 I do nothing BUT think of that, I am a proud self-shipper so this will mostly be about me haha (will most likely be a bit nsfw too, since I’m on my period)

Okay so I am chubby, I have thick thighs, arms, rolls on my back, and hella chub on my tummy, and I just imagine Cora as someone that would go fucking crazy over that (he doesn’t care about body types and size etc, though, he would fo crazy for anyone), when it comes to his sweetheart, he’s on his knees as soon as they are in his field of vision. I would be his favorite pillow fr 🫡 He would also fawn over my stretch marks and trace them whenever he got the chance and say how beautiful they were and kiss and lick them asdfghjkl I also have hella boobs and ass, so I’m just a really squishy person in general, I could be his personal stress ball <3 whether it’d be wholesome or sexual stress relief, I don’t mind, he can use me for whatever whenever he wants. I am at his disposal 24/7, if I could serve him for the rest of my life I WOULD WHERE DO I SIGN UP, I’M READY

We would bond over our clumsiness and exchange stories about our scars and broken bones (and you bet your fucking ass he would kiss all my scars and places I’ve been hurt). We would have to proof our shared living spaces as to not get hurt, and he would have to use the kitchen as little as possible. This man is literally Spencer Shay and I cannot afford to buy a new house every week because he’s an accidental arsonist.

Cora would cry when Law start school tbh both out of joy that this traumatized little guy is finally living a normal life and is safe, and because his little baby bird is taking a leap out of the comfort of their nest. He’d be horrendous with helping Law with him homework as he grows older, seeing as that boy is smart as HELL. But Cora is the greatest emotional support you can ever get!!! He’s literally a personal hype man for everybody he loves <3

He’s not really good at first aid (because he can’t do much with his hands without dropping something or mess it up - except for fingerfucking or otherwise worshiping you with his hands, that he does perfectly). We got just a little glimpse of that when he asked Law what to do when Law fell sick and he panicked, my poor husband :,)) He’s (just like me) not the best under pressure, but it’s okay

He would honestly LOVE to go shopping, he would be the one forcing me out of the house. He would make a family day out of it and force me and Law with him to buy what we wanted. He’s a giver and loves to spoil. His love language is primarily acts of service, but gift-giving is high up there too. And physical affection. And quality time…. And words of affirmation. He just loves to love and loves to be loved.

I feel like he’s good at baking??? Like a secret talent you’d discover and be baffled over, because this giant man covered in scars, has a deep ass voice and used to be part of one of the most dangerous pirate groups like to make cupcakes? That’s too cute, he’d be the dad all the moms in the neighborhood would gossip and drool about - AND I WOULD LAUGH AT THEM BECAUSE HE’S MINE HAH 🫶 also I love to bake, when I have the money, so it would be a lovely activity to do together

He’d figure out whenever there would be clear sky nights, and bring a cute picnic set and blanket so that our little family could watch the stars, and if we were lucky, meteor rain. I just like to think that he’s infatuated with the universe, stars and the moon, especially when he was undercover in the Donquixote Family and were on the open seas. He’d ask to have the night shifts so that he could be alone in the crow’s nest, and the sky would become his greatest comfort and he couldn’t resist muttering small wishes; a hope for a better future. And he can’t help but get emotional when he looks at the tiny family he created, his favorite pair of eyes admiring the sky that fulfilled his wish.

Okay fuck I probably have a lot more headcanons, but I can’t think of anymore, so let’s get over to the juicy stuff <3

This man is BIG he’d prolong and resist having full-on penetrative sex as long as he could, he wouldn’t give in until you persuaded him into it, and could take at least two of his fingers without any problems (and honestly, even that took a lot of time for your body to adjust to). This man is 3 meters tall, he’s PACKING. His hands are gigantic too, they make lovely necklaces <3

As a heavier girl, I love that he could easily pick anyone up and just fuck them like that, MANHANDLING IS SUCH A TURN ON DEAR GOD I NEED THIS MAN. Not that it would be his favorite position, though, he wants to be above you, but because of the size difference, it doesn’t really work that well. But if he has to break his back just to look into your eyes as he fucks you deep, showing you how much he loves you, he will.

He wouldn’t mind you riding him at all though, allowing his hands to freely roam your body, seeing you bounce on top of him as you used him to your pleasure??? Sign him UP, he fucking loves being used, doesn’t matter if he cums or not honestly, he’ll get off of you reaching your peak because of him. And if he ever saw a belly bulge, he’d be embarrassed over how turned on he gets at the bump standing out of your stomach.

FUCKING BODY WORSHIP ALL DAY ALL NIGHT BABY he’d make you feel like a goddess with they way he’s always complimenting you, everything about you being perfect in his eyes. He’d feel bad about leaving marks at first, but when he sees how good you look with the reminder that you’re his all over your body, he would never let you go without them. If you marked him?? Oh dear god he could die happily, he would be so proud and talk about it all day and would beg you to make more marks. Raking your hands down his broad muscular back, clawing at his chest, or grabbing his sides??? He didn’t mind, he would almost faint at the view of your hands’ work in the mirror. He’d feel so proud.

Okay shit now my brain is out of juice, and can’t pump out anymore, BUT THANK YOU FOR THIS TED-TALK, HOOLIE I really needed it <3 sorry it got so long