#sincere effort and work to maintain. just like love

[xiaokuer-schmetterling]

podlet #11 is 🆙

what am i reading? more tumblr collab! by @maelstrom-of-emotions

about 20 mins listening time. the beginning of this story series was actually the last half of part 2 of podlet #10 lol. written by @undercover-stories and all of it inspired by a soulmates au prompt from @sun-ashes (as detailed in the podlet #10 post btw)

norbert. doing his very tough and tiring work as my emotional support kitteh

(=^・^=) btw his collar glows in the dark!

ps. if you enjoy her prose writing style (and how i read it) pls check out my very first podfic ever: https://www.tumblr.com/xiaokuer-schmetterling/772526632788459520/podfic-1-ch-1-12-of-12

[astrow0rldx]

PAC TAROT: Shadow Work

Piles read left to right. Really use your intuition for which one calls to you to read. This Reading will be a little different, because it's ai generated. But hear me out, it's extremely accurate. I pull the tarot cards, and questions and it makes a story using automatic creative writing skills. In the story format it should help understand better.

Pile One

You present yourself as someone grounded and nurturing, someone who has it all together—capable, reliable, and a provider of stability. You wear this mask of self-sufficiency with grace, offering support and care to those around you. There’s a warmth to how you handle life, as if you’re always the one others can lean on. Yet, beneath this persona, there’s a quiet dissatisfaction, an emotional numbness that you don’t let others see. You feel disconnected, like something essential is missing, but you avoid acknowledging it, preferring to maintain the image of having everything under control.

Deep down, there’s a fear of rejection and abandonment that colors how you see yourself and your place in the world. This fear stems from past experiences where you felt left out or unworthy, perhaps from moments when you reached out for support and were met with coldness or lack. That sense of being shut out has led you to withdraw emotionally, burying your desires and vulnerabilities under layers of self-protection. However, this hidden wound shapes how you move through the world—it keeps you from fully expressing the vibrant, fiery side of yourself, the part of you that is bold, passionate, and fearless. While you project strength, this shadow lingers in the background, holding you back from fully owning your power.

Your shadow comes to the surface when you’re confronted by people or situations that reflect confidence and control, especially when they embody traits you’ve repressed. These encounters stir something inside you, triggering internal conflict as your shadow self clashes with the persona you’ve carefully built. The lesson in this struggle is to reconnect with your emotional core, to allow yourself to feel deeply and openly once again. Healing comes through embracing the tension, acknowledging that inner battles are a part of your growth. By working through this, you’ll move toward a more patient and nurturing relationship with yourself, where you invest in long-term growth and understand that healing is a process—one that requires steady effort and care.

Pile Two

She finds herself in a state of suspension, caught between holding onto control and surrendering to the unknown. Outwardly, she appears strong, composed, and authoritative, someone who takes charge with ease and thrives in an orderly world. She presents herself as the one in control, the one who always knows what to do. However, beneath this confident exterior, she’s struggling with uncertainty. She feels stuck, as if the answers she’s searching for are just out of reach, and in order to find them, she knows she must let go of the rigid expectations she’s placed on herself. She wears the mask of authority, but behind it, she is deeply uncertain, torn between what she knows and what she longs to discover.

At her core, she craves connection—a relationship where she can feel deeply understood and loved. There's a romantic within her, yearning for a bond that feels effortless and sincere, as if she’s waiting for that perfect emotional partnership. But she’s haunted by past disappointments, memories of love that didn’t turn out the way she hoped. This loss lingers, making her cautious about trusting her heart again. She often revisits those past moments of grief, wondering what went wrong and fearing that opening herself up to love again will lead to more heartbreak. As much as she wants love, the weight of her emotional past makes her guard her feelings, holding back from diving fully into new connections.

Her fears and vulnerabilities surface when emotions become overwhelming, or when she’s faced with situations that push her to move too fast. In those moments, she becomes protective, holding onto her feelings and resources tightly, afraid of losing control or being vulnerable. Her instinct is to cling to what she knows, but there’s also a deeper truth: her dreams and fantasies about what could be are not just idle thoughts. They reflect her true desires, the part of her that longs to break free from her hesitation and embrace all the possibilities that life offers. To heal, she needs to release the fear of losing control, to trust that even if things are uncertain, the journey ahead is rich with opportunities—ones she’s fully capable of seizing, if only she lets go.

Pile Three

She is moving through a period of transition, quietly distancing herself from past conflicts and emotional turbulence. Her journey, both literal and metaphorical, is one of seeking peace and clarity after enduring a storm. On the outside, she may seem calm, as though she’s finally found her direction, but the waters behind her are still unsettled. Internally, she is recovering from struggles, possibly with others or even within herself. The tension and discord she’s left behind still echo in her thoughts, making it difficult for her to fully let go. While she appears to be progressing, there is a quiet battle inside her, as if she’s constantly bracing for the next challenge.

Her internal struggle centers on patience and the need to balance her desires with the reality of what she’s building. She has invested time and energy into something—perhaps a relationship, a career, or personal growth—and now she waits, unsure of the outcome. There's a restlessness beneath her calm exterior, a feeling of competition, either with herself or with others. She yearns for stability and celebration, for a moment when she can finally relax and feel secure, but she is deeply aware that the foundation she’s working on still needs time to solidify. Emotionally, she is tied to the idea of love and partnership, but her past battles have made her wary. Love feels both close and distant, like something she craves but is cautious about fully embracing.

Her emotional depth runs deep, though she doesn’t always show it. She is someone who feels intensely, yet she’s learned to control and temper her feelings. When her emotions rise, they are powerful, but she channels them carefully, maintaining a composed exterior. Her greatest strength lies in her intuition. She often knows more than she lets on, reading situations and people with a subtle, almost mystical understanding. But this also makes her guarded, as if she’s protecting herself from being hurt again. She’s been through many trials, and though she’s weary, she remains resilient. Her journey is far from over, and while the battles she’s faced have left her cautious, they have also made her wiser. She stands ready to move forward, but she knows the path ahead will require both patience and strength.

[lumitoiile]

zhongli : [fleeting.]

summary : by the time the lord of geo even comes to terms with his feelings, it's already far too late... gn! reader (no pronouns.) tw! : angst, themes of d3.th. ╱ word count : 1.1k.

throughout the extended course of his life, zhongli has long since learned to appreciate the beauty in all things—even the temporary ones. 

the way the leaves fall from trees, the glow of lanterns at night, the way the wind breezes through the streets of liyue harbor... all things that would eventually come to pass, eroding away with time. mortals were very much the same. he has walked alongside them, observed them, and let them go, as is the way of the world.

then you came along.

you weren't the first human to intrigue him, but there was something bewildering about your presence in his life. perhaps it was how you treated him so unguardedly, never hesitating to share your thoughts, your laughter, your kindness.

you worked at a small tea shop he frequented, and though he'd initially visit for the quality of the tea, he found himself returning for another reason entirely. he told himself it was simple admiration, an appreciation for your warmth and the light you brought into the lives of others. but deep down, he knew he couldn't be fooled.

there was something different about you. something he could never fully place. it gnawed at the edges of his mind, bothering him in ways that defied his understanding. you would smile at him with an openness that felt disarmingly sincere, and speak to him with an ease he'd only ever known among those closest to him in his long, distant past.

it was troubling. dangerous. even in his mortal guise, he should have known better than to allow such feelings to grow.

so he kept his distance. you were temporary, after all; a fleeting thing. even when you would reach out with a friendly invitation or make a small effort to draw him closer, he would find an excuse to step back. to draw a line, to remind himself who he was... and what you were.

he decided he would simply admire you from afar, steadfast in his resolve and having convinced himself he was doing the right thing. what would come of permitting himself to indulge? only heartache and loss, things he had seen unfold countless times before.

there was one day when you had lingered by his table a bit longer than usual, a hopeful look in your eyes. "mister zhongli, would you care to join me on a walk? my shift ends soon, and the sunset is just lovely at this hour."

he hesitated, a flash of warmth stirring in his chest at the thought alone. he could almost picture it, walking with you, sharing a quiet moment alone together as the sun dipped below the horizon.

but he would not let himself yield. he cleared his throat, and prompted an apologetic smile. "i appreciate the offer, but i have business to attend to."

you nodded once and tried to hide the disappointment in your eyes. but he saw through you, and the sight lingered with him long after he left the tea shop.

still, no matter how many times he had refused you, your kindness never wavered. as the years passed by, you continued to reach out in small ways—a shared story, a cup of tea specially brewed just the way he liked, an invitation to join you on an evening stroll. sometimes he accepted, allowing himself brief moments of joy and companionship.

but he always maintained a wall between the two of you, an invisible barrier he felt he could not cross. he constantly reminded himself that it was for the best; you were human, he had told himself, incredibly fragile. it would be cruel to impose on your life, no matter how brief it might be. the least he could do was ensure that your world remained free of his interference.

but time moved on, as it always does.

your laughter grew quieter, your once sure steps slower. zhongli saw the signs and felt the familiar pang of inevitability. he watched as you grew older, the years etching lines of wisdom into your face and leaving your loud, bright voice soft with age, until one day... you simply weren't there.

he visited the tea shop for the first time in ages, only to receive confused looks and strange stares upon asking for you. who was he searching for? there was no one here by that name, they had said. no one they knew of.

you were gone.

loss was not a new experience for zhongli. though it wasn't until he reached the place where your ashes had been scattered—a spot up in the mountains overlooking the harbor—that he truly understood the finality of it all. there would be no more lingering glances, soft smiles, or warm invitations to walk with you and admire the sunset. he would never again see the way your eyes lit up when you'd greet him hello, or hear your laughter.

the regret sank in like a stone, unyielding and overwhelming. he had anticipated this. he thought he had prepared himself for this. but the painful ache in his chest grew into something sharp, something that twisted with every breath he took.

he knelt there, reflecting on every opportunity he had missed, the words he never expressed, the warmth he had turned away from. he told himself it was for the best, that he was doing what was right... that a god had no business falling for a mortal. yet here he was, mourning you with a grief so profound it left him hollow.

"i thought this was the answer," he said, his words disappearing into the gentle breeze. "i believed i could spare myself this pain by keeping you at arm's length. but perhaps... i was a fool."

the wind rustled gently around him, offering a small sense of comfort. he closed his eyes and allowed the ache to settle within him. he stayed there for what must have been hours, grieving quietly as cherished memories of you played in his mind. in that moment, he realized that there had been no safety in the distance he kept, no way to avoid the torture of your absence.

and as the sun faded below the mountains, casting the harbor in hues of gold and amber, he had finally declared the words he had never spoken aloud.

"i cared for you," he whispered. "more than i should have. more than you knew..."

the wind carried his words away, fading into the stillness of the world. morax, the god of contracts, had lost something he could never retrieve—not with all the wealth and wisdom in the world.

perhaps in another life, he could have loved you properly.

© lumitoiile. please do not copy, steal, or edit my work.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Was thinking today about Cherry Magic Thailand, and all respect to the writing (which deftly navigated the challenging task of adapting a full-on classic) and the rest of the cast and crew, but has any QL series' success hinged so much on a single actor going above and beyond in a performance as Cherry Magic Thailand does on Tay Tawan's portrayal of Karan???

That character could have fallen so detrimentally flat. He is perfection personified. Even after Achi discovers his so-called 'imperfections' (which are just that he sings bad and is crushing extra hard on Achi), the writing doesn't ever let Karan come off his pedestal. He remains put together, impossibly patient, and admirably righteous. His stress in life is that people don't respect his hard work because he's so beautiful! This character, in theory, should not really strike an audience as likeable. The writers could have used the one facet of his family-drama that emerges in the penultimate episode to build a deeper character in the writing, but elect not to even hint at it any earlier in the series.

So much heavy lifting is left to Tay, and the performance is a wonder to behold. Tay Tawan is certainly attractive in the way Karan is supposed to be attractive--fit, tall, handsome--but Tay's face and earnest dorky demeanor are unique in a way that seem far too rare in the influencer era. The breadth of his nose, the goofy joy in his smile, the clownish clumsiness, the nerdiness of his interests (the GMMTV actor most likely to be reposting a popular science article or rare animal sighting): Tay brings all of these elements of himself to bear on the poised idol of Karan, playing all the parts of the romantic hero while letting his own characteristics distill onto it so that the character actually contains valuable tension for the audience between his faultlessness and the slow reveal of his sincerity. That dynamic lies at the core of the show, and it's a less explored one in media, so all the more challenging to do.

But Tay understands the assignment. He goes full-in when Achi hears Karan's inner voice, squealing and talking manically fast (a real-life Tay Tawanism as well as a wonderful connection to Japanese performance styles). Once the characters begin their romance, so much effort is put in to have Karan looking at Achi, not just with love, but with the deepest gratitude. That's what most often had me crying. In fact, it often looked like Karan was on the verge of happy tears, overwhelmed by the fortune to love and be allowed to love Achi.

Being able to appreciate Karan's sincerity opens up an avenue for the audience to care about his challenges that on the surface seem so superficial. Tay is able to take this character's struggle to be taken seriously and make it as worthy and pitiable as any narrative about women in the workplace struggling with that issue, and that's not an easy feat in this day and age. Whether in Karan's affections or disappointments, Tay exhibits such humility and unabashedness in his performance throughout the series, it renders the otherwise familiar messages about the value of the small unappreciated things in the world as enchanted and life-changing.

And incredibly amongst all this, the series REQUIRES by its very title for Karan to have a sex drive, and even that desire threads through Tay's portrayal of the character as he interacts with Achi, maintaining an incredible balance between a fun and dorky excitement about sex and a potent sensuality (it's such a great sex scene when it finally comes).

Tay took a paragon and made him such a fully fleshed-out and realized character. I just can't imagine the series working without such a masterfully crafted performance. The whole cast did great work, don't get me wrong. Tay's is just one of those magical reminders about what the art of acting can achieve.

[ihaznoclue]

Ellen Joe, Nicole demara, and Anby Demara, what are they like with S/O before when they just had a crush on them and after when they got together?

Pairings -> Ellen Joe x Reader, Nicole Demara x Reader, Anby Demara x Reader

Warnings -> None

Note -> What they were like before dating you and after dating you

Genre -> Fluff

ELLEN JOE

Before (Crush stage) - Ellen is very quiet and very composed since her job is a maid but her affection shows a bit every once in a while trying to hint at you

Maybe she would linger for a while with you, maybe sleep next to you and she would just say "I'm just keeping a eye on things just in case" that's her way of saying 'I'm staying here'

Even when danger rises, even in hollows or out of hollows, she is basically the first one to react but she would most likely brush it off as 'duty' meaning that she has to protect and serve

She would rarely smile or give you a small gesture, maybe bringing you your favourite snack that she remembered you saying even without admitting it that she remembered, this shows that she pays attention at all time to you

After (Together) - She mainly expresses her love in actions more than words, since she doesn't really know what to say at times, maybe maintaining your equipment, maybe waiting up when you are late or just need to tie a shoelace or maybe making you feel safe

Occasionally shows a dry sense of humor meaning she lets her guard down at time a bit more than usual, maybe some jokes here and there

She would also hold your hand or leaning her head down on your shoulder so she could sleep after working so hard after a long mission or work shift

NICOLE DEMARA

Before (Crush stage) - Nicole is very outgoing and full of charm when she wants to, but she hides her feelings beneath a cheeky grin and compliments but you can always tell she actually means them

She would mostly seek your attention when she is doing something, she would involve you in anything, her plans, mission, her hollow raiding plans, she just wants you to be there with her at all times

If the reader is close to someone else, maybe someone in her faction do the cunning hares, she might act a little bit dramatic or maybe tease them more than usual to try and get your attention back to her

After (Together) - Expect very tight hugs from her, playful kisses and constant reminders that she loves you very much until she leaves for a mission, but int he end she would make you come with her

She becomes more loyal and slightly possessive towards you, always making sure everyone knows that you are hers and hers alone even in the loudest way possible that make you slightly embarrassed

While she jokes around during walks or missions runs Nicole shows genuine weakness, even during big talks but that's what people do

ANBY DEMARA

Before (Crush stage) - Anby is emotionally uncommunicative and quiet and maybe a bit awkward, so she might have some trouble by understanding her crush at first, she just knows she feels 'strange' when you are around her

She may be a bit blurt by her compliments, trying to sound interested, but her tone is flat but it makes them sound sincere, maybe

This is not in a creepy way but she just likes when your presence is near her as she find comfort in it, knowing that you are safe and okay

After (together) - Anby wants to understand this whole soulmate, together relationships and she puts a lot of effort into learning more and more about this stuff and what makes you happy

When she fully trusts you, she is likely to be touch starved, I mean of come this girl has been alone since Nicole found her and she enjoys quiet cuddles and moments of silence, maybe resting her head on your lap during the downtime

If someone threatens you in any way, Anby switches form quiet to deadly serious mode in a quirk heartbeat, she doesn't like when someone mistreats you like that and would confront them in the 'kindess' way possible

-A<3

[choerypetal]

Desire / Sejanus Plinth

Summary: Being mindful of your shared history with Sejanus outside the confines of the academy, and recognizing Sejanus's aspiration to earn his father's approval, fostered a connection built on both sincerity and responsibility—underscored by a commitment to honesty.

themes: a little bit of plot for our sweet boi, but also sejanus being a top especially in his reaping suit just hit different, also him wanting to make snow jealous is my favorite kind of trope to write. hope you'll enjoy!

ps: english isn't my first mothered tongue, so i appoligze for any grammar errors, and do not copy nore plagiarized my work as it can be ban and even flagged in the process.

Sejanus adorned his finest attire during the reaping ceremony, adhering to the unspoken mandate of sartorial elegance that accompanied the invitation. As you entered the room, it was evident that a touch of fashion was not merely a suggestion but a prerequisite. Among the myriad of ensembles, your dress, gracefully embracing your curves, stood out, capturing Sejanus's attention irresistibly. His mother, keen-eyed even from a distance, promptly intercepted you, urging you to approach. "Ma, I can handle introductions myself." He would nonchalantly assert, feeling a subtle warmth in his cheeks, a blend of casual demeanor and sly embarrassment. Despite the prevalent animosity toward his father among classmates, Sejanus was determined to earn at least a measure of pride, not only for himself but for his mother and, undoubtedly, for you. 

"No one here actually likes him, but they do enjoy his money. You know what that’s like don’t you Crane?" Sejanus experienced a surge of excitement upon encountering you before the ceremony. Despite his own preoccupation with Festus, who had drawn him into the commotion, Sejanus redirected his focus entirely upon your presence upon his confession. Observing you engage in lively conversation with Clemensia, your laughter echoing the essence of the girl you were meant to be, captivated Sejanus. He was determined not to be caught casually biting his lower lip, his gaze fixed entirely on you. "If you'll excuse me. I have some business to attend to." He said, patting Coriolanus's shoulder before making his exit. 

"Love the dress, Y/N." Clemensia exclaimed, the first to spot your arrival, closely followed by Sejanus, of course. Her hands extended for a warm hug, accompanied by a smile radiating both dignity and excitement for the impending reaping ceremony. In contrast, a subtle nervousness crept over you, realizing that you were about to embark on mentoring, not to mention meeting individuals from various districts. The persistent perception that the denizens of the districts were mere facades of Panem's reality added to your apprehension. However, if Sejanus possessed the capacity to illustrate a different perspective, he was unafraid to reveal the true face of his home, the authentic image of the people in Panem. This authenticity stood in stark contrast to the superficial facade maintained by figures like Snow himself. 

With a self-assured grin and his hands casually tucked into his pockets, he navigated the crowd with a demeanor that, although his mother would disapprove of as being somewhat untidy, was a conscious effort to seamlessly blend in with his fellow Capitol residents. Despite the need to appear approachable to those more economically inclined, he made it a point to maintain an air of confidence. "Y/N..." The sound of your name lingered in his voice, each syllable carefully pronounced and laden with unspoken sentiments. It was evident that he was already aware of his deep admiration for you. "You look absolutely stunning, as always." He confessed, catching Clemensia off guard, prompting only a smirk in response, and a subtle nudge in your direction. You, in turn, rolled your eyes at her suggestive insinuations. "Not too shabby yourself, Sejanus." You remarked with confidence, extending your arm for him to escort you to the rear of the seating area before the commencement of the ceremony. Sejanus's objective was clear – to have you all to himself. Even if it meant adopting a somewhat disreputable approach, as long as it emphasized his protective stance towards you, it was the only thing that truly mattered to him. 

Admiring the lipstick, he took care to express as he leaned toward you, his arm still securely around your waist, now slightly tighter. This gesture intensified as he noticed another man casting a similar glance at a couple they had initially deemed an unlikely match. The boy was still rooted in the District, while he himself leaned toward someone of significant affluence. Sejanus, despite his opposition to the existence of the Games, reluctantly embraced the charade, aware that any objection on your part could lead to your parents considering the possibility of severing this relationship. Thus, Sejanus and you began to outwardly portray a facade, a carefully constructed illusion that placed both of you in a delicate position. "Loving the new suit." You remarked with the same tone he used upon admiring you. 

A chuckle escaped from Sejanus's lips as you imitated him, recalling how his mother had instructed him to maintain a gallant demeanor and remain discreet in your presence. Despite the guidance, he couldn't help but relish the desire to savor every inch of your skin from the moment he laid eyes on you that morning. The subtle choice of wearing his favorite dress for the reaping ceremony didn't go unnoticed, and he felt compelled to at least graze your soft skin and press his lips against your ear, whispering your name while you attempted to resist. Your attempts to push him away only resulted in a smirk from him, fully aware that you secretly enjoyed every moment of his advances. Whether the affection unfolded in public or private, Sejanus delighted in the sight of your eyes, a blend of embarrassment and passion, pleading for him.

"Sejanus..." You quietly called his name as he leaned in to inhale the fragrance of the new perfume he had purchased for you the day before the reaping. You could sense his lips curving into a sly smirk, observing your cheeks turning a softer shade of pink, a reaction honed through enduring constant teasing during your stay. "People are going to be watching..." Your voice softened, and the notion seemed to further entice Sejanus. His fingers loosened their grip on your waist, trailing from the back of your dress to your neck, where they lingered, pulling you closer. He stole a few quick kisses on the crook of your neck, the softness of your voice amplifying the intimacy of the moment. However, a growing awareness crept in—someone was indeed watching. Snow, who had a chance to witness the two of you, gazed uncomfortably from his seat. It wasn't a curious look but rather one filled with distaste and regret, recognizing that Plinth had found an effortless path to the Academy and now someone he was beginning to relish. And Sejanus was enjoying every bits of it. 

"Don't worry," He chuckled, his voice deepening with the palpable tension between the two. He didn't mind the risk of being caught, not even a reprimand from his father lingering in the back of his head. It was enough, at least for a fleeting moment, to make his father proud by embodying the facade of the man he was expected to be. "If someone is supposedly watching us right now, then I'd be more than pleased to give them a show." He wasn't entirely wrong, and Snow himself could almost gasp, but he refrained, knowing that any reaction might lead to both of them getting caught in the act. "Just for a few moments before the reaping, will you?" He insisted, a gentle reminder for you to remain composed and gracefully acknowledge anyone present, despite the growing prominence of blush on your cheeks. The alcohol in the room served as a preferred distraction, selected by the teachers. 

Sejanus’s hand trail down further the back near your arse. Even thought he struggled a bit to reach for a tease, he managed to travel his fingers towards your thighs. Luckily the dress being long enough and you being accustomed to being seated far for the time being. His eyes winded in surprised yet not so much, when noticing  the absent of your underwear only to be revealed. As the warmth touch of his fingers against your cold skin, send you a sense of shiver, his thumb teasingly brushing on your clit as your tried your very best not to hold on your whimpers. “Seja–” You of course tried to sound as oblivious from his action, even thought it was a constant routine whenever you had to chance to meet. All could Sejanus do was to make a sign of being silent, and his smirk being more pronounced by the circular motion of his tumb soon before he could feel your arousal being wet. “Already wet for me? I’d take that as a compliment.” He said with obvious sarcasm and tease in his voice. 

Of course Sejanus only used this tactic when you were to the point of orgasm. How you had already gripped your helpless fingers by one of the fabric of his pant. Although he had promptly said no to even touch his private part. As it being said and ordered that today– It was him who was in charge. Not only for that but to also make a father proud. A father he could care less of his own child but also be delighted to know that at least his kid, made something so unexpected that Sejanus could perhaps feel at ease for the time being. “You know..” His voice lingered as his eyes darkened by your plea of wanting him more. But as time went short. He confessed. “I don’t seem to be hating the idea of being in charge more.” 

“After the reaping, see me at the Lab.” He informed briefly yet fully aware of what Sejanus had in plan after the reaping ceremony. And as everyone began to notice Dr. Gaul’s presence along with Casca Highbottom, it was suggested that the reaping was officially starting. Therefore, Sejanus promptly smirking to himself as he had completely forgot to realize that you’d had to be wet during this entirety on the ceremony. Making you feel dirty and yet keeping a class only you was able to do so. “It’s time darling.” He said and escorted you back to your seats. 

It was when you arrived next to Snow on your left, that he too took notice farewell of the marks left from Sejanus. Which luckily you managed to cover with strands of hair before walking further to the front row. To which he then couldn’t help to ask if you were okay. Poor him– Sejanus laughed to himself upon seeing his classmate being yet so confused and disgusted by seeing the most beautiful girl of Panem assisted with someone such as Sejanus himself. “Ready for the ceremony, Snow?” Was what you said to him before he could even let the question of Sejanus’s hickeys. Of course by being his honest self simply smiled at you and nod rather uncomfortably. “Very, but wouldn’t they notice?” 

"What's there to notice?" Your question carried a subtle touch of sarcasm, eliciting a sense of pride in Sejanus. The moment you turned to your side, he couldn't help but feel a surge of satisfaction, nudging him with a slight smirk before he could release a soft chuckle.

"No, nothing. Have a splendid reaping, Y/N." Snow uttered with a hint of shyness this time. As you acknowledged his modest response, Sejanus leaned in once more. "I need to make these marks more pronounced." He retorted with a smirk. Once again, you quietly nudged his side, both of you sharing a laugh, only for Casca Highbottom to redirect your attention to the unfolding reaping ceremony. Little did anyone know, you would later become Sejanus's complete distraction and source of enjoyment, allowing him to savor every moment according to his desires.

[jayjuno]

Americans know what an oligarchy is- we are NOT dumb

Dear Senator Slotkin and Democrat Party,

For people with middle/upper class backgrounds, and therefore by proxy in possession of a great deal more education & worldly experience than most Americans, you sure are stupid. Compared to most working-class Americans, you're dumber than a bag of rocks.

I've read Republic by Plato multiple times. I've listened to and analyzed hundreds of operas, concerti, ballets, symphonies, sonatas, etc. I've read epic poems like Odyssey and The Aeneid. I play the violin, the harp, and the piano.

Who the hell are YOU to tell working-class Americans like me that we're incapable of understanding fancy academic terms like "oligarchy"? Who are you to say that working-class Americans like me cannot possibly understand what Socrates/Plato meant with his cave allegory, or what he died for when he drunk that poison after being condemned (through democracy) by the city of Athens? Shame on you for thinking so little of poverty-stricken Americans like me! And you wonder why working-class Americans like me aren't jumping at the chance to vote for you? Why should I want to vote for people who talk down to me as if I was an idiot? Why would I want to vote for anyone who believes I'm too stupid to understand basic words like "oligarchy"?

Isn't "demos" a part of your party's name, "Democrat"? "Crat" derives from ancient Greek's word for "power" (and violence), but demos meant "The People"... or something like that, doesn't it? Sorry, my ancient Greek is a little rusty on account of the fact that like most working-class Americans, neither Greek or Latin was offered in my severely underfunded public school. I didn't learn about Beethoven, Wagner, or Shostakovich from public school. You think my school taught me about ancient Sumeria/Akkadia? No, I had to learn ancient history, mythology, and classical music all on my own time (with no thanks to liberal politicians like you, who'd rather blame Republicans for my poor education than take any action yourself to fix the damn problems...)

How DARE you call yourself a Democrat, a representative of The People, when you insult our intelligence with so much classist determination? You're no Democrat, but rather just another sellout fool striving to maintain a corrupt capitalist status quo that's designed to keep working-class Americans like myself at the bottom of the American class system. And yes, I've read Karl Marx as well- and no, I'm not a communist, but I sure do love Bernie Sander's idea of socialism. We The People need and deserve socialist programs like a Universal Basic Income, you sellout for the billionaire class!

You Democrats need to earn back the trust of The People, and so far you're off to a crappy start. "Not being Trump" is NOT good enough, you educated idiots! It was never good enough and you know it! Get over it and instead develop a bolder, more progressive political strategy!

You believe most Americans don't know what an oligarchy is, huh? Then why don't you get off your lazy behind and go educate them, you phoney Representative of The People (demos) AKA DEMOCRAT??? Educate The People like how Sanders/AOC are trying to educate them now even while you snub your classist noses at their earnest efforts.

Socrates and Dr. MLK both believed that education of The People is the only way to true prosperity. You want to defeat the fascists and the nazis? Education is the answer! You want working-class votes? Then stop kissing oligarchy butt, and start walking the same path that Socrates and Dr. King walked. Stop talking, and START WALKING. Start walking by educating The People!

Sincerely, Jay Juno (an Independent voter who is forever disgusted with the classist rhetoric inherent in most Democrat political discussions in regard to working-class Americans like myself... and it forever shocks me that the DNC still doesn't understand that their classist rhetoric is part of what drove the American People to either not vote at all or to vote for someone like Donald Trump. YOU IDIOTS! You're your own worst enemy, you highly educated middle/upper class liberal idiots... FOR SHAME!)

[glitzfang]

🦴 Lucien West (Fortnite) headcanons!

Warnings: none, I think. Might be OOC... Info: These are a little corny and not pieced together as smoothly as I'd wanted... Also they're in college (or just leaving senior year of highschool) here, I'm not sure what canon has confirmed, but I'm comfortable assuming they're at least 18 with the information I do know.

Here's my first official attempt at writing for the first time in several years! I hope it's not too bad, and that you can excuse details I might get totally wrong- Feel free to offer criticism, as long as its productive! 🪶

LUCIEN WHO...

Lucien who’s intimidating until he smiles —

Calculating amber eyes seemingly sizing you up, uncertainty keeping you in place, until his expression spreads into a sincere smile. So warm and genuine you can’t help but return it with one of your own.

Lucien who prefers the outdoors —

Especially when it’s a cool kind of muggy… Where fog just barely dusts the edges of the horizon (as far as you can see, anyways) and a breeze that has you acutely aware of the humidity; lowering the feels-like temp to something more appropriate for the early fall season.

Lucien who always finds a way to include Louie —

Carrying the plush wolf with him on his back, setting it up on the back couch cushions for movie nights, keeping it nearby while he studies to keep himself calm and motivated. Fidgets with the ears if he’s idle too long, restlessness a common occurrence for him. He will lend it to you to help you sleep if you ask, with the addition of himself. He doesn’t sleep without Louie, and Louie doesn’t sleep without him.

Lucien who listens to Weezer —

That’s it, that’s the post. Just kidding… like the rest of the group, he loves his music. And he loves to share it, an ideal hangout would definitely include sharing headphones and just vibing. Maybe surprising to some, but on top of the many, many Starfang concerts he’s attended with his friends, he also enjoys artists like Weezer, Bowling For Soup, and ABBA.

Lucien who tried to learn guitar —

Spent a good few months putting in a genuine effort, but ended up giving the guitar he’d gotten to Helsie. He couldn’t wrap his head around chords and the tab sheets he was practicing from… always had Louie as his audience. Now he’s perfectly content sitting with Helsie while she strums idle patterns over the strings.

Lucien who is a walking heater —

Lucien naturally runs on the warmer side, perfect for clinging to at night, especially in the colder seasons… not so much in the summer, however. This man is the cuddliest ever, and took up eating popsicles in the hopes it’d cool him down enough to continue having you casually wrapped around him in your shared downtime.

Lucien who insists on doing the cooking and snack prep for hangouts —

While Helsie is likely the most qualified for this, being extraordinary in her position as a bobarista, Lucien won’t have it. He says it’s because she shouldn’t have to do more of the same she does for work, but he actually just likes seeing everyone excited for snacks (everyone knows). Pins his hair up in an attempt to keep it out of the food, but… somehow at least one strand always ends up in someone’s share. It’s become a game of sorts, like pulling straws. Victim of Lucien’s hair is exempt from any after-hangout clean up.

Lucien who chit-chats when he can’t sleep —

Everyone has nights where they just can’t seem to get to sleep, and with how restless Lucien can be, it happens more than just occasionally. It’s hard not to notice the way his breathing never evens out as it fans across the back of your neck, and the way he’s fidgeting with the hem of your his shirt. It doesn’t take long after the fidgeting starts for him to offer up quiet conversation.

Lucien who worries —

He cares a lot for his family, for you, and for everyone’s future. Keeps the groups hunting gear properly stored and maintained — with the exception of Joni’s… she’s not comfortable with the idea of swapping her things around. The club trusts each other with their lives, but they still have personal boundaries. Lucien keeps you especially updated on the maintenance that goes into the gear, as well as every safety precaution he could cram into the couple hours you spend brushing up. Stifling at times, but he does mean well.

Lucien who is reserved —

As much time as he spends expressing his concern for the club members, he never seems to give himself that same grace. It doesn’t seem to be out of a lack of respect for himself, but rather an excess amount of respect for his friends. He struggles with the idea of giving anyone else his own burdens, and it takes time to get him to open up about certain things. Be patient with him and he’ll appreciate it.

NOTES:

Feedback is greatly appreciated! And I don't just mean tips for me personally... Send me your own headcanons, my asks are open! I want to get a feel for how the community characterizes him so I can improve :) Also... I want friends. 🪶

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: April 2025

A real good month for TV but also not complaining about the movies I saw and books I read in April. Here's

……….FILM……….

Anora (2024) LOVE the slight of hand it uses for its narrative and character focus. So smooth and satisfying. You can feel each character's life continuing even when they're not in frame and if/when I watch this again I'll make a conscious effort to watch the ensemble in the background to see what they're up to cause you KNOW they're up to something.

Tokyo Godfathers (2003) A really warm movie that's rooting for its characters. The Christmas setting is great choice and it I'll always get behind a movie that goes for sincerity and kindness first.

……….TELEVISION……….

Andor (Episode 2.01 to 2.03) Not just good at Star Wars but good tv. Rich and complex characters thrown into puzzles with stakes. Love it so far and I hope execs and producers take note.

White Lotus (Episode 3.01 to 3.08) Never watched season 2 and didn't realize how much this season would call back to the others, but still a great character-focused series. How can you not love watching messy people make bad choices?

Severance (Episode 2.09 to 2.10) A really fantastic second season. Do I wish it had more of the crew spending time together? Of course. Is it a challenge to maintain the air of mystery and existential dread for more than a season? Absolutely. But do I love this shift between seasons? 100%. Still think that Cobel episode was a miss (both in episode and season pacing).

Common Side Effects (1.08 to 1.10) Great season of tv! Lots of questions remain but I feel like the heart of the show (the Marshall/Frances' and Copano/Harrington relationships) are always at the forefront of each episode. Solid use of animation and I'm glad it got renewed for a second season!

……….YOUTUBE……….

The Most Important Movie Of The 21st Century by Patrick H. Willems I don't often rank or have favourites, especially with movies, but Speed Racer is one of my favourite films. If you haven't seen it, watch it then watch this. VIDEO

……….READING……….

Murder in Mesopotamia by Agatha Christie (Page 72 of 214) I've now read enough Christie to know what I like best about her work and because her characters tend to be rather flat (not always, but frequently) I tend to find the pre-murder stuff rather dull. This JUST got to the killing and I'm ready for Poirot to show up and make it more engaging.

Swords Against Death by Fritz Leiber (Complete) This series, focusing on two thieves named Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser, is quickly becoming one of my all-time favourite fantasy collections. Each short story feels like a mini D&D adventure and both characters are, above all else, having fun. Can't recommend this enough.

Guardians of the Galaxy by Donny Cates Omnibus (Complete) I've really enjoyed Cates' smaller runs (SIlver Surfer: Black and Cosmic Ghost Rider: Baby Thanos Must Die) so I was really excited for this. Great characters, cosmic setting, what could go wrong? This was...fine. Felt more like a table-setting run for bigger and better adventures and didn't quite do it for me. Not bad, but perhaps not the best entrypoint for a new GotG reader.

Fantastic Four by Ryan North Vol. 3 and 4 by Ryan North, Alex Ross, Iban Coello, Ivan Fiorelli, and more (Complete) Just so much fun. It has dinosaurs, vampires, sentient social media, and really feels like a family-first comic. Truly something all-ages that doesn't mean "for kids". I think comic readers of any age will get something out of this series and I'm excited to read more!

Batman - One Bad Day: Penguin by John Ridley , Giuseppe Camuncoli, and Arif Prianto (Complete) This one felt different from the other One Bad Day comics I've read in that Penguin has already had the bad day. The premise and characters were great, but the execution could've used a little more meat. Not bad but not in the "reread" category either.

Batman - One Bad Day: Riddler by by Tom King, Mitch Gerads, and Clayton Cowles (Complete) Darker than I like my comics, but it really characterizes Riddler in an a way that piqued my interest. The art is also a standout and a solid ending. This, Clayface, and Mr. Freeze are my favourite reads from this series so far.

……….AUDIO……….

Bunky Becky Birthday Boy by Sleigh Bells (2025) Always been a Sleigh Bells fan and always will be. I long for the explosive propulsion of their early albums, but appreciate how cohesive this one plays. Is it my favourite? No. Am I glad it exists? Heck yeah.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The party is digging into some cult stuff and seeing how deep the corruption goes! Turns out the city of Oz is in a bit of a mess. You can read all about their adventures here.

And that's it. See you in May!

[accio-victuuri]

Exclusive interview with Wang Yibo: Maintain a sincere heart丨"War of Faith" hits the airwaves

Since its launch on CCTV 8 in late March, the contemporary youth growth drama "War of Faith", directed by Yao Xiaofeng and written by Weng Liangping, starring Wang Yibo, Li Qin, Wang Yang and others, has been performing well in recent days. The show topped the CVB prime-time ratings the day after it aired. The real-time ratings of Kuyun peaked at 2, and the popularity on iQiyi exceeded 9,600. The ratings are both good. The male protagonist Wei Ruolai, played by young actor Wang Yibo, is also loved by the audience for his smart, intelligent and righteous character.

"He is very passionate, has a sense of justice, is persistent and brave in his work. Even when facing the dark social reality, Wei Ruolai still maintains a sincere heart and wants to change the social status quo through his own efforts." Wang Yibo accepted the Liberation Daily Exclusive interview with a reporter from Shangguan News, explaining what "Wei Ruolai" is in his eyes.

At the beginning of the TV series, there is an assassination, a rescue, and a stock market game. The plot advances on multiple parallel lines, but they contain inextricable connections. "War of Faith" is set in Shanghai in the 1930s. It adopts a novel narrative incision and starts from the perspective of the financial industry. It embeds the storyline on the real historical picture of Shanghai and depicts Shanghai from 1929 to 1934. A scene filled with smoke and silent struggle. This makes the social turmoil in a specific historical period and the intrigue on the financial front in the play cleverly form an intertextuality.

From the character setting point of view, Wei Ruolai is a character with obvious growth meaning. In the complicated political, economic and social environment of Shanghai at that time, Wei Ruolai, as a young man who bravely came to Shanghai from the Jiangxi countryside, rented in Qibao Street, a mixed and dilapidated place. His initial wish was just to be admitted to the Central Bank and have a good job. income. Wang Yibo revealed that what impressed him about the role of Wei Ruolai was his charisma. This ideal and belief in taking family and country as one's own responsibility, as well as the unique passionate feelings of young people, are the character traits that Wang Yibo admires.

As a young man from a poor family who left his hometown to work in Shanghai, Wei Ruolai showed great personal talent in the financial field. Whether he is helping his neighbor Aunt Zhou on Qibao Street to trade stocks, or being fearless in the face of fire during the central bank exam, the character's agility and human touch are all reflected. When Wei Ruolai got up early to rush to the central bank for an interview, her pair of torn socks, her leather shoes that "gathered dust" under the bed, and her slightly messy hairstyle in the mirror all gave the scenes in the play a sense of life.

In Wang Yibo's view, Wei Ruolai was just like the young people of that era. Although he initially regarded his career as a job that could earn more money to support his family, he had his own ideals and ambitions in his heart. This can be seen from his bent on joining the central bank. "In the context of the times, he was eager to create value through his own efforts on the best financial platform, improve people's livelihood, and make society better."

"War of Faith" adopts a two-line parallel narrative structure. One line is a financial war without gunpowder, and the other is a thrilling spy war drama. In the workplace where the central bank is the stage, the new senior adviser Shen Tunan (played by Wang Yang) plays the role of Wei Ruolai's master and becomes his guide on the career path. Shen Tunan is both good and evil, and he wants to promote Shanghai's financial reform, and he does not hesitate to take risks with his own life. Shen Tunan's sister Shen Jinzhen (played by Li Qin) and Wei Ruolai's brother Wei Ruochuan are both underground members of the Communist Party of China. In the dark current situation, they disregard their personal lives for the cause of the party. Therefore, these important characters surrounding Wei Ruolai constituted his dilemma in social situation, and also laid the foundation for Wei Ruolai and Shen Tunan to part ways.

Wang Yibo feels that Shen Tunan plays an important role in Wei Ruolai's professional and personal growth. "Wei Ruolai, who had just entered the workplace and had no work experience, just rushed forward with momentum and persistence. Therefore, he admired Shen Tunan very much and once regarded him as the direction of his life's efforts. The two of them also learned from each other in the process of getting along."

But as Wei Ruolai received more and more attention, the corruption within the Kuomintang was exposed in front of him. Inspired by the people around him, Wei Ruolai and Shen Tunan eventually embarked on completely different paths of faith. "After experiencing a series of changes such as investigating the counterfeit currency case and treasury bills, he witnessed the darkness and corruption of the current situation, and realized that he needed to change the status quo of the country and fight for the people. Therefore, the sense of opposition between his master and his faith made him once I lost confidence in Shen Tunan, who was once a like-minded person, and eventually embarked on a different path of faith, but Shen Tunan has always been Wei Ruolai's guide"

Director Yao Xiaofeng once said in an interview that he chose Wang Yibo to play the role because he saw many similarities between the two. "I saw something in Wang Yibo. I felt that this story should be filmed as a small character who came to a big city to develop, and then accidentally got involved in a bloody storm and fell into a battle between two forces that were beyond his power. , let him hesitate, let him make a choice."

In one scene, his brother Wei Ruochuan was betrayed by his companions. After searching for Wei Ruolai in Shanghai, he eventually died due to excessive blood loss. In this scene, Wang Yibo performed Wei Ruolai's pain and fear. After his brother died, Wei Ruolai had no time to grieve and buried his brother in pain overnight. "In such a terrifying period, if you have a Communist brother, you have to be screened, and the first thing you will definitely bring is fear. I was very impressed by Wang Yibo in this scene, and the whole audience applauded (after filming)." Yao Xiaofeng said. In Wang Yibo's eyes, Yao Xiaofeng is a director who pays great attention to details. "He is more of a good guide to the actors in terms of performance. He will let me use my own real experiences and feelings to understand the character's current emotions, allowing the actors to perform the performance more closely to life."

In real life, Wang Yibo likes racing. When a reporter asked which scene in "War of Faith" was the most fun, his answer was a bit unexpected but reasonable. "The most fun thing was riding a motorcycle from that era." As for what themes or roles he wants to challenge in the future, his answer is also very open, "I want to try them all, and have a sense of freshness."

[johnny-slaughter-me]

— “ 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭. ” | Johnny Slaughter x Gender-Neutral Reader.

Headcanon. My take on a fluffy alphabet with Johnny.

Notes. English isn't my native language so typos and grammar issues are likely.

Warnings. This fic is sfw. Canon gore and cannibalism mentioned.

Enjoy. I hope you enjoy the content. Much love, Cherry. 🍒

- A. Activities, how they spend their time with and without their s/o.

Without you, Johnny mostly spends his time hunting or preparing for hunts. Hunting is (almost) everything for him. It gives him a thrill to chase and a sadistic satisfaction when he kills his prey. With you he'd grown to love more of what nature the backyard has to offer, whether it would be the sunflower fields or stargazing at night from the bed of his truck. He really enjoyed spending time with you and had learned to appreciate the simple moments you two could share together.

- B. Beauty, what do they find pretty about themselves and their s/o.

Johnny has a charming look, he maintains a certain figure as it helps him in hunts and in loring and tricking victims, Johnny wouldn't be out here calling himself beautiful. He boosts his ego though other means, mostly ones relying on strength and power, so he finds his arms to be one of his most admirable physical features of himself. As for you, it was something in your eyes, that captured him and had made him decide to keep you as own of the family rather then dinner. He'd learn so much about just from how your eyes reflected your feelings. He can get lost in them for hours if he had a chance.

- C. Comfort, how would they comfort his s/o.

Johnny isn't one to talk things through, he is a man of patience, as seen through his incredible hunting skills, but his exposure to social interactions is limited. He takes pride in how strong he is, depending on the situation he would either hold you in his arms, let you take your time to calm yourself while knowing he is there for you, or physically and verbally defend you if you are in a situation that calls for it. Needless to say, he'd kill for you.

- D. Dream, how do they picture their future with their s/o.

There's not a lot of room for change in Johnny's life, he isn't planning on it either. Family is for life, and he wants you to be a part of it. Some nights he'd dream of you finally eating human flesh and not the meat of the dead rabbits he'd hunt down for you. Help the family deal with the victims and enjoy it as much as he does. He wants you to truly devote yourself to the family just like he does .

- E. Equal, how much effort do they put in the relationship compared to their s/o.

The relationship you have with Johnny is never going to be an equal one, considering it started with you originally being kidnapped for dinner, and the fact that he and his family can always turn you into it at any given moment puts you in a powerless position. However he does his best to accommodate you, hunting rabbits so you won't eat human flesh, getting you basic necessities from his trips to the city, spending quality time with you during the short windows of time he has off "work". You had also grown to like Johnny and you try to help around the house, and spend whatever time with Johnny you can, always reassuring him that you love him.

- F. Fight, how are fights between them and their s/o.

You and Johnny haven't fought much, nothing big at least. If you had you'd probably not be among the living. Sometimes you have petty fights, but Sissy told Johnny its probably because you are still getting used to the family and the new environment you are living in. So he'd learn to ignore it. They usually end by you apologizing to him. Johnny will never apologized, at least not sincerely.

- G. Gratitude, how grateful are they for their s/o and the things their s/o is doing for them?

Whilst Johnny's mindset is that of a savior, he was the one sparing your life and thus you are now his. I would like to believe he is grateful for you not trying to tun away, for being kind to his family and to him, and for truly loving him, a love no one in the family could ever give him.

- H. Honestly, are they honest and open with their s/o? Do they have any secrets?

He doesn't really hide anything from you. You know of the family's secret and that is what mostly shape his character. He won't necessarily open up and talk about his past or feelings though, and the one time he tried hiding something from you was the fear that washed him during the first week of your stay with the family, where you hid in one of the cars because you were scared of a hunt that went down between bubba and a victim. He'd never let you see him in a vulnerable state.

- I. Inspiration, has their s/o inspired them and vice versa.

You had inspired Johnny to also enjoy his downtime and not just the hunts. You thought him that there's more to life then the adrenaline that comes with the chase. In a similar way, Johnny inspired you to be more grateful for every moment you spend breathing, and what a true community feels like. Sure they are twisted but that doesn't mean they don't inspire you every now and then. Honorable mention is how inspiring Johnny's dedication is. Both for you, the family, and for his hunts.

- J. Jealousy, how jealous are they.

Johnny is jealous and possessive, but he manipulates his jealousy so it comes off as more of a possessive aspect then a jealous one. Johnny doesn't like showing anything that could be interpreted as a weakness.

- K. Kiss, are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like.

He is surprisingly a good kisser, Johnny mostly care about his own needs and usually kisses you messily and roughly when you two have some alone time. He won't really kiss you in front of the family. He will now return a soft good morning kiss to you, but he still prefers makeout sessions over small soft kisses.

- L. Love confession, how do they confess to their s/o.

Johnny originally kidnapped you for dinner, but after taking a liking to you he just kept you alive and toyed with you. He never really confessed to loving you, but his actions throughout the time you spend with him let you know that he does indeed love you.

- M. Marriage, do they wanna get married? What would the marriage be like?

Despite how untraditional the family is, mostly Nancy, would want the two of you to get married. That would be a way to truly have you as part of them, and Johnny wouldn't oppose to the idea of marriage with you. Johnny isn't a big dreamer but after the initial start of your relationship he fell harder and harder and he truly wants you to be a part of the family. It would also make him worry less if he has to go out of town and leave you alone since the family will never turn on one another. That is if you ignore the fact that Nancy killed Johnny's mom and stole him to raise him as her own. The ring would be simple and the wedding would just be a family dinner but with some homemade decor and a little ceremony. Life after the wedding won't be much different, the day to day would be similar, however if you wanted to have any kids, the family would help keep them safe.

- N. Nicknames, what do they call their s/o and vice versa.

Johnny's pet names for you are darlin' and doll, sometimes he'd also call you a cutie. You mostly call him honey, sometimes babe, although never baby, he doesn't like being called baby. (In bed he'd give you more dirty pet names and likes it when you call him daddy).

- O. On cloud 9, what are they like when they are in love.

Johnny's love language is actions of service, he takes pride in his physical strength and appearance. He never lets you carry anything heavy even if you are capable, he protects you if you are scared of something, but also he likes to hunt animals for you since you aren't fond of their premium human meat. The family can tell Johnny is in love with you, as usually he only thinks about himself and devotes a little bit of thought for the family, but sometimes he goes out of his way to help you or be there near you.

- P. PDA, how are they with their s/o infront of others.

He won't kiss you or call you pet names infront of the family for the longest time, he didn't want them to find something to use against him, he'd be more open about your relationship once he feels the family is comfortable with you and won't try to slaughter you. But infront of anyone other than the family, Johnny he really doesn't care. He knows he can protect you and you what they think of him doesn't matter to him. He'll do whatever he wants with you.

- Q. Quirk, a random ability they have that benefits the relationship.

His truck, he sometimes takes you on rides through the different parts of land the family owns. It's refreshing for the both of you. Johnny is always the one driving, no one gets to drive his truck no matter how much he loves them.

- R. Romance, how romantic are they? Is it creative or cliché.

Johnny is romantic in his own ways. Mostly through shielding you from danger and trying to provide for you. Sometime into your relationship you started initiating some romantic times in tbe sunflower fields or through car rides with him, and now he himself offers them to you.

- S. Support, are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in their s/o?

Johnny isn't very supportive in that regard. He wants you to be part of the family, if you want to take on a certain role within the family and its not one that will possibly put you in danger, he'd be all for it. But if you dream of your old life, Johnny would go out of his way to sabotage that and try to get you to shift your goals into ones that benefit the family.

- T. Thrill, do they need new things to spice up the relationship or do they prefer a routine.

Your relationship with Johnny is limited. You can't really leave the lands the family own but even then you are limited to safer areas where living victims aren't roaming free. Johnny's life is very much based on a routine and he has no problems with the relationship being the same. But if you suggest something new to do every now and then and it is within the boundaries of where you are allowed to be, he won't say no to you.

- U. Understanding, how understanding are they of their s/o. Are they empathetic?

Johnny is narcissistic, and he cannot undo himself into a good person. He does try to be understanding and to accommodate you. Took some advice from Sissy at first, since she had actually spend time living outside the family's land in different cultes but he mostly relayed on skills he picked up to study and capture his victims to form an understanding of you.

- V. Value, how important is this relationship to them.

Your relationship with Johnny literally means the world to him. He never knew he was capable of experiencing love like this, no matter how twisted the circumstances of what formed it are. And he also knows he will never be able to experience it with anyone else, so he places a great value on you and the relationship with you.

- W. Wild card, a random fluff headcanon.

You asked Nancy about Johnny's birthday once, and she gave you the date. You took it upon yourself to try and make him something sweet for desert and you set the dinner table with some flowers you found in the garden. No one expected it, but the family, and mostly Johnny (he has a sweet tooth) really appreciate this gesture and enjoyed the dessert. Now it became a tradition that for each family member's birthday you'd set a special table with something sweet. They all looked forward to the occasion as well.

- X. Xoxo, are they very affectionate, do they love kisses and cuddles.

Johnny is a fairly rough person at first he wasn't one to really kiss you if it wasn't leading up to or during spicy times. He did let you since day one sleep in his bed with him, and as you slowly felt yourself falling for him you started snuggling up to him at night. He never pushed you away and now he can't fall asleep without you by his side.

- Y. Yearning, how are they when they miss their s/o.

The only days you and Johnny are separated is when he has to go out of town. He can't help but miss you, and he copes with his loneliness by having a side quest of getting you something you'd like. When he finally gets back home and gifts you whatever it was that he thought you'd like, seeing you thank him each time with your eyes litting up like a child opening a Christmas present makes it all worth it.

- Z. Zeal, are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship, and how so.

Considering Johnny is a serial killer, and him and his family practicing cannibalism, him letting you live- and arguing with his family to also let you live (which is a big deal for Johnny), means he did go to lengths not normal for him in order for this relationship to work.

[cannibalisticskittles]

okay, having now seen it in context, i remain convinced that the 12 lovers thing is bullshit. most of this is bullshit, in fact.

i mean, arrogant as he is -- and as much as he does enjoy speaking of the attention he gets from supposed fans -- the idea goes against how.... genuinely touched he seems all throughout his the beginning of his romance. not that that means that it's impossible for it to be true, but that would be quite a lot of effort put into maintaining a persona as a sincere partner while also still being a bit (read: a lot) of a self-absorbed shithead. like if he doesn't feel the need to hide the shithead part, why would he feel like he would need to come across as loyal to you, unless that part is also not really an act? why would he feel that putting on an act like that would be worth the effort?

(plus, i mean, bro needs you to battle an ocean of robots with him before he feels like he can agree to date you. from a logistical standpoint, what the fuck is he going to get 12 other people to match that kind of zeal for battle??)

anyway, that part's less important. just because i take umbrage at certain characterization doesn't mean that characterization is necessarily inconsistent. people are complex, characters are complex, maybe it really was all just an act in his romance, whatever.

the more important part is the fact that he's absolutely lying about most of what he's saying in this scene, if not all of it. grace even says she can't definitively sniff out whether he's telling the truth or lying throughout this despite her knack for it, to the point where she usually knows which part of what someone is untrue.

and we very quickly learned that he was lying about at least part of what he says immediately -- we discover that he was the one writing telegrams to miguel before coming to sandrock, which completely nixes everything he's saying about being fooled by miguel. so yeah, technically "ooh, i have 12 lovers who i keep separate and ply with gifts" COULD be true, but it could not be the justification for why he's working with miguel in sandrock; he was already working with duvos well before arriving in town. it very much comes across as a ploy to get you and grace to think of miguel as the source of all the blame by relying on his Very Well Known Persona/Reputation to concoct what feels to him like a an excuse you'll accept

anyway, do you know which part i think has the highest chance of actually having a grain of truth in it? this shit.

i think he's genuinely down to be called big daddy love sponge.

[cool-fancier]

Fading Echoes of Love

Synopsis: Bada continually let you down with broken promises, lies, and uncertain behaviour. You approached her, telling her that you were hurt and that you needed genuine change. Bada tried to change a little, but your scars remained. You gave her a chance after she expressed regret and commitment.

You had been let down by Bada in lots of ways before. It was a pattern of habits that over time was wearing down your patience and trust; it wasn't just one a single incident.

With unfulfilled commitments, it all started. She would make promises to support you, be there for you when you needed her, and make time for your relationship, but these promises were often broken. You would eagerly anticipate seeing her at important occasions, only to be let down when she abruptly cancelled or didn't show up, claiming work or other responsibilities.

Then there were the lies. Small ones at first, but they grew more significant and more frequent as time went on. When she was out with friends, she would claim to be stopped in traffic. Even when it was obvious that something wasn't right, she would reassure you. It became difficult to tell what was true and what was fake in her responses.

Her actions had become unexpected and erratic. She would show you affection, love, and attention one minute and make you feel like you were the centre of her world the next. The next, she would be distant, cold, and detached, leaving you to wonder what had gone wrong.

The fact that she was aware of how her actions affected you was possibly the most agonising part.  She noticed your tears, your disappointment, and the breakdown of your once-solid bond. She had apologized countless times, promising to change, but those promises always seemed to fade into empty words.

You had had enough of the emotional rollercoaster and the never-ending cycle of disappointment; you were worn out. Your heart ached, and the idea of any more meaningless excuses was intolerable. Real change, sincere effort, and a dedication to maintaining the connection were required. Action was required; more than simply words.

Bada's expression faltered, and she stared at you, her eyes wide with shock and hurt. In an attempt to react, she trembled and said, "Y/N, I... I didn't mean to..."

But you cut her off, the pain in your heart too overwhelming to bear any longer. "Bada, it's not about intentions anymore. It's about actions. It's about showing me, proving to me, that you're committed to us."

Your voice trembled as you continued, "I can't keep going through this cycle of hope and disappointment. It's tearing me apart, and I don't know how much more I can take. I love you so much, Bada, but I can't keep holding onto empty promises."

The weight of your words weighed heavily in the air, and there was silence. Bada's eyes were filled with tears as she realized the depth of your pain. She reached out to touch your hand, but you pulled away, the wounds still too fresh.

Bada's voice cracked as she finally spoke, "Y/N, I... I understand what you're saying, and I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. You deserve better, and I promise, I'll do whatever it takes to change."

You couldn't bring yourself to respond immediately. The pain and disappointment had left scars that would take time to heal. You knew that words alone wouldn't be enough to repair the shattered trust between you.

Days turned into weeks, and Bada began to show small, genuine efforts to change. She attended important events, kept her promises, and, most importantly, she showed up for you emotionally. It was a slow and painful process, but you could see that she was trying.

Despite the progress, the scars from the past still haunted you. Every time you looked at her, you remembered the pain you had felt when she had let you down repeatedly. The fear of being hurt again lingered like a shadow.

One evening, you and Bada were sitting on a bench in the park , Bada approached you with a sorrowful expression. "Y/N," she began, her voice trembling, "I know I've hurt you deeply, and I can't change the past. But I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showing you that I'm committed to us."

You looked into her eyes, searching for any sign of lies, but all you found was sincerity and regret. It was time to make a decision since the importance of your decision was weighing heavy in the air.

You mumbled, "Bada, I want to believe you, and I want us to heal," with a heavy heart. But know that it won't be easy, and the scars may never fully fade"

Bada nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to heal those scars, baby. I promise."

You couldn't help but question if you were doing the right thing as you walked away from Bada with tears flowing down your cheeks. You had been forced to this point by your past suffering, but now that you were faced with the prospect of living without her, it felt like an unbearable load.

Bada stood there, her eyes filled with an equal amount of regret and longing, her voice trembling as she whispered, "Y/N, please..."

However, you couldn't bear to hear her pleading. You had endured too much heartache, too many sleepless nights, and too many promises that were never kept. As you walked further away, the distance between you growing with every step, you whispered to yourself, "Don't apologise if you're just going to keep doing this. Apologize when you're actually going to change."

Both of you felt devastated and defeated after making the terrible choice. The love that had once burned so brightly had now been extinguished, and there was no turning back.

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Niko Stratis

Niko Stratis is a Canadian writer who spent the first decades of her life living in the Yukon and working there in the family business, as a glazier. Between 2007 (when Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky got tagged derisively as “dad rock,” one origin point for her book) and now, she came out as a woman, moved to Toronto, became a writer (in publications like Spin and Paste), quit drinking, and then wrote a book on (as the title says) The Dad Rock That Made Me a Woman. In his review, Dusted’s Ian Mathers described it as “a book about how we grow up with, live entwined around, and learn from art.” Here, Stratis gives us a list of ten songs that almost made the book, and what they mean to her.

Almost Dad Rock

Gordon Lightfoot — “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”

This was a song I really wanted to put in, but I had written about it for a newsletter. I had grander ideas about writing more longform on this song, and my weird obsession with shipwrecks and fear of the water. My dad is a huge Gordon Lightfoot fan, and I was lucky to meet Gord once at a party celebrating a book about him. I asked him to sign a copy of the book for my dad, and told him about how much of my childhood was shaped by the sound of his records spinning in the corner of the living room. Gord laughed and said, “your dad sounds fucking cool.”

Pavement — “Spit on a Stranger”

When I wrote about The National, I wrote about the time a woman I went on a date with told me I looked like someone who listened to Pavement, which led to a prolonged period where I tried to work a Pavement song into the book. I tried to marry it with the Springsteen chapter to A/B this idea I have that Stephen Malkmus is a kind of Wario version of Springsteen. It was too boring and grand for the book and I nearly lost my mind trying to make it work, but it was a fun period of psychosis while it lasted. I maintain that I’m right about the Malkmus/Springsteen theory.

Dinosaur Jr. — “We’re Not Alone”

Dinosaur Jr.’s comeback feels very poignant to me, and very in line with the idea of dad rock I built when I came up with the structure for the book. I think a lot of J Mascis’ work is very sincere, thoughtful even, and it’s just that it is always buried behind a Marshall stack and the ringing in your ears after the drums are thoroughly blown. Dino is a dad rock band, and given my druthers I would have had them listed in the book as such; it just wasn’t working for the flow of it all. This song is exactly it for me though; it pulls back, never lets go, it’s tender but not without teeth.

Simon & Garfunkel — “The Only Living Boy in New York”

Paul Simon was such a presence in my house, and it was hard to not include a song from them in the book, it just felt like it wasn’t right. I love this song in particular, Paul Simon writing about Art Garfunkel leaving New York while they were supposed to be working on a record in order to be in Catch 22, and the haunting feeling of being so suddenly alone while trying to hold on to a tether that is stretching to its limit. It’s a beautiful, sad song that will always make me cry just a little.

Mazzy Star — “Fade Into You”

I was at the drug store the other day and this song was playing on the radio, and I just think they should warn you at the door. “The radio in here will fucking wreck you if you’re not careful.” I think Hope Sandoval has such a beautiful voice, and I love a song that is so tender and haunting, sad but not really, happy but only kind of. It didn’t work for the book, but I tried for a long time to make it happen.

Otis Redding — “Cigarettes and Coffee”

When I came up with the idea of what I thought Dad Rock is, I made an effort to divorce it from gender/genre. This song is such a perfect little moment of clarity and beauty. That moment when the night is fading, and the morning is still to come and time means nothing. No matter how bad things were, and they were often bad, there was always that little bit of time and sometimes I would hold on just to feel it once more. This song is on almost every playlist I make.

Dwight Yoakam — “Streets of Bakersfield”

My mom loves Dwight Yoakam. She calls him Dwight, first name only, very familiar. I wanted to put a Dwight song in the book, and there kind of is towards the end, but nothing focused. I learned to tell stories through music with my mom. She would bake on weekends and I would sit at the counter in the kitchen and listen as she told me about Dwight playing punk rock clubs in California because he wasn’t making it in Nashville. How he fought to make his own way. This song always makes me think about the spring air that filtered through the windows of my memories.

Veruca Salt — “Shimmer Like a Girl”

When I wanted to break Dad Rock out of genre and gender, Veruca Salt was one of my first choices. I love this EP they did with Steve Albini (Blow It Out Your Ass It’s Veruca Salt), it’s much harder and scrappier than some of their other work, but still has the charm and bite of so many of their best songs. It reminds me of my sister, who always played “Volcano Girls” in the car when she drove me to school. A song that smells like cigarettes smoked in secret in between home and other places.

Grandaddy — “‘Yeah’ Is What We Had”

Spoiler I guess, but this is one of the essays I wrote for the book and cut at the 11th hour. It didn’t flow, but I really wanted to keep it. Granddaddy is one of my all-time favourite bands, and it was important to me for a good long while to keep them in the book. I love the beautiful and haunting way they approach a kind of honest apprehension about the future, technology, all things. I love that Jason Lytle was almost a pro skater until he tore his ACL and then went on to make beautiful pop songs about alcoholic robots. A band that deserves to be considered one of the greatest bands to ever do it.

Death Cab for Cutie — “Steadier Footing”

This song is very important to me, because I can barely remember the first time I heard it. I know it was on a patio, I was smoking a cigarette and drinking stolen red wine. I was making a mix tape with a friend. We were talking about our lives, our fears, the lives we wanted to have when we got older. It was before friends started to die, before life started to feel hard. The cusp of forever. This song kind of feels like that too, this moment before everything changes in good and terrifying ways and instead just sits and breathes out. There’s a lot of bombastic beauty in DCFC songs, but for me, this moment of quiet exhalation is it. Perfect.

[moonearthangel]

Words and thoughts and vibes if anyone wants or needs:) 💗

Happy Friday and hoping everyone is having a good day today or continues to!

Joy in the small things, joys in the big things, joys in middle medium middle level ground types of things… it’s really just important and a reminder to find joy each day and it will build and build.

Good habits do too… little by little just little efforts or medium efforts and watching things build and build. Oftentimes things just set free or become easier. Things don’t happen overnight if you’re waiting or hoping for something, unless they do. Literally like turning a light on or an eclipse or a dam breaking. Everyone’s mind works a little different i think so feel time how you feel it and maybe notice how others do too and enjoy their time or get chores done or pull some things off. Ya know… people think at different speeds and times. Or so maybe set a good example for someone else or for some others.

Make sure you give yourself enough credit, and others are giving it to you, but also maybe in small ways give it to them more. People will come and go, they should… sometimes. So sometimes play some different roles and pick up on the patterns of others. Lots of cool planet astrology things lately if you’re into that sort of thing! Numerology stuff and the law of one and infinity like pi or something! Numbers drop, numbers raise. Times of the year, dates, birthdays, weight, money. We’re all like our little high tide low tide lol. At least that’s what I’ve picked up on lately. Some people are pretty level and if that’s a goal to stay status quo then keep working on that and doing just that. Others might be doing that too, a reminder everyone’s a little different sometimes or all the time.

Make sure to be your best you and most true and sincere you at the time. Expressing yourself and your thoughts and example.

People can be super cool or super shxtty. Some are awesome, and I’ve noticed some people being a little gruff or two faced lately. Or hot and cold. Try not to be, definitely don’t be one with yourself, and make sure you and your most important bonds aren’t being that way. Ebbs and flows are normal but heart bonds and people should always be sincere to you. And you to them.

Always know your role and your worth so you can also make sure and know others are in theirs! In a sincere way, and in a funny way… where people need to be kind and pull their heads out of their tw*ts lol. Like a little loving smack between friends or family or love slap lol.

Can’t have a rainbow without some rain and clouds…. Stay festive or positive and sunny and prismatic or magnetic! If you think about the precipitation cycle and it kind of being like the planetary pattern cycle …. And people’s phases like sunny or moony or even like years and hobbies… even yourself! It can help you enjoy yourself and others a little more. Or understand or remember.

Happiness can be maintained for a lifetime. Or it can be a moment or day away! :) In theory so can sorrow. So make sure you and your people aren’t allowing that in each other!

💖

[helloescapist]

Can you do romantic modern au HCs for daki and a female y/n the same age whos kinda nerdy and introverted but very patient and affectionate towards daki? Kind of like an opposites attract sort of thing, like maybe they met in class and get paired together for a group project, and things slowly escalate from there? Like Daki eventually grows a soft spot for y/n

-🐼

hello, hello, 🐼

I kind of love the idea of Daki falling for a shyer personality, one that struggles with socializing, and easily nervous. Specifically, when we consider that Daki was a oiran in her human life as a means of survival, and even continuing the line of work in her demon rebirth, Daki essentially is predisposed to considering other women as threats whether its status or financial. Oirans are terrifying--- just imagining Daki with a female she can actually grow to trust and love over time is wholesome fluff I need.

And all of a sudden—I’m just going to have to break this into two parts. That’s really all there is to it. Oh the wellllllll

Sincerely, | Daki

Word Count: 2382

Setting: Daki x fem!reader

Content Warning(s): suggestive, ecchi content, reader is a low key perv (but like, who isn't in their teen years), will have mentions of assault in parts to come, girlxgirl, yuri, modern AU

Summary: an unlikely train encounter, and questionable tutoring.

A/N: the amount of effort I put into calculating how tall Daki would likely be is just… why am I like this? Spoiler alert, she is likely around 5’2-5’4, but as she appears tall for her era when you take away her shoes, such as when you view her height in comparison to Koinatsu, but for the purpose of adapting her to a modern AU, I would put her height at 5’6, as statistics show the average female height to be 5’4. Part II , headcanons

The clench of your bag in your hand, as your other hand fought to reach the handgrip. The reach just escaping your grasp, the tips of your fingers brushed against pull. The sea of bodies that pressed against your form, jostling you to and fro despite the reach of your fingers. The cram of suits, the buttons threatening to break skin as it scraped across your cheek. Early morning commuters, businessmen and women alike operating on late hours, and caffeine. Dedicated to daily survival, murmured of yawns, dreary in their stark existence. Old men that sighed into newspapers, flipped through pages and drew exhaustion upon weary bones. Their fatigue met only by the civil servants that mentally prepared themselves for the hour to come. Laborers corralled next to office workers, college students shuffled between members of the workface, their discussions of lectures hollow against the weight of data, and meetings. Ironic in the experience against the new to the world; the rare high school student such as yourself lost amongst the crowd. Victims to the push and pull of the fluctuation of passengers, your low status upon the totem pole revealed by the flutter of your school uniform as you fought against the sea of bodies, the grit of your teeth before managing your weight to the tip of your toes, the thread of your fingers secured at the caught of the metal in your palm. The rattle of the train, the murmurs of the morning as you allowed the breath to release from your lungs Struggled to multitask holding your belongings, the train rail, and push your glasses up the bridge of your nose. The murmuring of giggling girls drawing your attention out of sincere curiosity. The press of the back of hand from one to another, snickers that fell pass distinct neckties, and khaki blazers. Pressed uniforms, meticulously maintained as their fingernails, hair styled and fashioned as their sneers fell upon glossed lips. Fresh faces that fell upon haughty glares upon a girl seated amongst the crowd. Having secured a rare seating opportunity though the lecturers glances of the older men that lamented near the seats hinted that the opportunity had not afforded itself. Yet, the group of onlookers merely whispered ideal gossips, painted a portrait of a whore amongst faculty members. Murmured poisonous accusations, and delved details shameless of their surroundings. The clench of your jaw, fumbling upon the bag in your hand as your eyes caught upon the victim of their scandalous discussion.

              Moonlight kissed hair that drew the breath from your lungs, threatened to smother you with its vision. The high of her ponytail reminiscent of the beauty of oirans of the past, intentionally placed hair pins that met the curls that formed at her hips. Thick locks that captivated every curve, danced upon ever trace of her silhouette. Shuddered the chill of winter down your spine. The reveal of her breast, openly exposed, the buttons of her white uniform blouse intentionally left undone, snug against the cup of her form, the peak of—lace? W-why?  S-she was clearly a high school student, was she not? Ah, n-no maybe it’s a costume. The small shift of her hips reflected the sheer material of her thigh highs as she rolled her pelvis into the seat. The adjustment having drawn a small scrap of fabric, a skirt, and its pattern that drew the heat of your cheeks in one swift strike. As though you had been slapped with the reality of its familiarity—n-nope. Not a costume, the telling pattern back and red plaid patterns, the thin strip of black that drew at the pleating of the skirts. Her brown loafers school issued as the very ones you wore. Though your uniform had never… left such a lasting impression as the one she adorned. The fairness of her skin that the peeks of her uniform provided despite the chilly weather February provided was delicate as though she was a portrait painted by Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto. The celestial god the only one capable of providing such beauty upon the earth, the draw of her breast and the distinct hiss that rumbled at the base of her throat.  The meticulously draw of kitten eyeliner dipped into shades of crimson rouge, and the press of her lips into a disapproving scowl. Lush, summer grass that threatened the very existence of winter’s chill upon your spine. Rattled your bones with the press of her painted lips together as her eyebrows met a furrow.

“What, are you look at?”

Her beauty unescapable, deadly as delicate. Caught amongst her glare, the point of her sharp eyes, becoming aware of the ends of her Chrysoberyl hair that appeared as though it had captivated her hiss, and robbed you of your own voice. The small shiver that met at your shoulders as you dumbly found yourself drawing your finger to your face, “M-me?” The horrific realization that you had been caught ogling her, only amplified by the chuckles of the girls that had drawn you into this situation. The sharp tint of her eyelashes, long and lush as they captivated your own. Willing your glasses at the tip of your nose to shield you from her edged lour. The flare of her breast, i-it was not your fault that you gaze had drifted as you forced your hand from the pull, tucking your finger tips to fumble with your eyewear. Struggled to choke down the lump that formed in your throat, aware of her flaring temper as she pulled herself to her feet. Abandoning her seat, and ignoring the appealing way that older men traced her steps. The shameful realization that, perhaps she was accustomed to men leering at her, and found your wandering gaze a peculiarity. Though you had not the opportunity to rationalize why she had fault with yours, nor how horrified that you were on pare with perverted old man. Fumbled with your glasses, tucked awkwardly at the strands of your hair that fell to your ears, as you attempted to find any way out of this. The draw of her pointed glare down upon you, standing a few inches taller than yourself. The hint of osmanthus followed a spice you could not name tantalized your senses, the sputtering realization of how hard her perfume had hit you left you choking on your lips.

The ding of the station, hitched upon the knot of the track. The rock of bodies, pressed every which way, the shutter of the girl before you rocked backwards, pinioned against you as you struggled to find your footing. The slam of your hand into the window pain at her head. The bend of her knees, and the shocked quiver of her pupils. Rattled at the pinion of her body pressed beneath your own lsot amongst the shuffle of passengers. All of the shoujo-ai you had read in your lives could not have prepared you for this moment. K-Kabedon?! The internal screaming upon your heart, shattered your brain. Short circuited all thought presses, blissfully unaware of the growing wrath that seethed beneath you alongside the ding of the train doors. Foreboding, and impending the girl before you descent to the platform. The rattle of her skirt hiked up, the rack of your form pressed into her. Old men that chuckled as they rushed to their offices; college students that lingered far longer than you’d prefer. Prayed that none of the snickers, utilized cellphone cameras, nor instilled this moment for later purposes. The rattle of your heart, the spread of her hair beneath you despite the obvious seething wrath that immolated across her doll like features. The green strands of her hair that coiled beneath her, the scathing glower that caught amongst your own. The scream of fury that threatened the cull of her throat, quivered her bones as the veins began to pop in her forehead, only furthered by your insufferable, incoherent apologies. Fumbled over your belongings. Snagged your bag, shoved your glasses up the bridge of your nose, and retreated.

If there was a god, he was laughing. Delighting in your misery. Savoring the anguish, ignored the prayers you uttered in horrified internal screaming, begging him to allow the earth to swallow you whole as your teacher stood before you. Ignorant to your obvious apparel, all bartering from your swearing off meat to joining a nunnery intentionally ignored for sheer folly. No, no god must be a woman, it was the only explanation to the sight before you. Aoki-sensei’s clueless smile, eyes shut, and proud of his own suggestion. Tutoring, assisting another student’s preparation for college exams, and the very subject before you. D-daki, he had said with such delight upon introducing her. Absolutely blind to the turbulent forces that circled around him. The coil of a viper posed and agitated. Her green eyes flaring the grit of her teeth. The small slip of her canines against pursed rouged lips. Her freshly manicured nails rapped against the desk before digging into the wood grain. Twitching eyebrows, wrinkled nose, as the green mamba hissed, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

              No, no it appears not.

              Who says that the gods do not have a sense of humor?

It had been a few weeks of—could you really call this studying? Any attempt to navigate course material fell on deaf ears. Was muddled by the click of her nails against the desk, the pop of bubblegum, or the occasional flip of a fashion magazine. The evidence of her bubbling rage at each pointed glare she shot you when you attempted to stutter for her attention. The break of your voice, a higher pitch due to your duress than you’d like to admit, and yet despite the notable hostility, she had continued to attend the— “study” sessions. Her irritability having reached an all time high today as her bubblegum popped, the twitch of her lip-enhancer glossed lips quipped with the wrinkle of her nose. The vein in her head practically throbbing with each nervous fumble you could conjure. The chalk practically shaking in your hand as you attempted to demonstrate the proper algebraic equation. The searing lesions her vision threatened to brand into your back as the chalk nervously rattled against the chalkboard. An incomprehensible tapped scribble as you forced an awkward smile, attempting to find your voice. The cup of your hair cut off at your ears and utilizing the opportunity to press up your glasses in an attempt to avoid her eye. Each movement betraying your nervousness had only tempted her ire. The dodged glances when Daki sought your gaze, frail voice that lacked any resolve. She had even witnessed your knees clatter against one another, the height of her panty hose unable to shield the obvious state of tremors that rolled up your spine every time she watched your back diligently scribble incomprehensible. A flush guaranteed to kidnap your fatures, and your gaze from her own when the taller girl successfully met your gaze—what fucking help were you supposed to be to her?

              You couldn’t even help your fucking self.

              The knot of a mocked sticker—an immature attempt at humor from one of your female classmates that had escaped your notice. Successfully implemented when she had patted you on the shoulder before your tutoring session had begun, the smug grin and how boldly the little bitch had met Daki’s eyes had been enough to piss her off, but met face to face with the rainbow flag and homophobic slur stickered  to your collar had her boiling. The grip of her magazine crumbled between clenched fists; she had attempted to remove it. She had, but ever action had a reaction. Her close proximity regardless of how perfectly timed, or well intended, resulted in you trembling and babbling. It only pissed her off more. How were YOU supposed to help her? With your little insult sticker, and inability to even make eye contact—fuck how pathetic must she be to seek your HELP? The thought had dropped her brows to the point that they dipped at her enhanced eyelashes, threatened to simmer over as though she were a neglected pot. She could feel her temper boil, and her teeth scrapping against one another before she allowed it to steer her.

              “What the fuck is your problem?” Daki seethed, slamming her hands to her desk, forcing her chair back in a rattling screech of her chair across the floor. Tremored your bones and drew your attention to her in shock worthy of some B horror film. The click of her school issue indoor shoes clapped harder and harder with each step forward, as you attempted to position the podium between the two of you. “Are you screwing with me? Pisses me off seeing you worm around like this?”

              Manicured nails caught the collar of your school uniform, her height foreboding against your own as she leaned forward. Daring your averted eyes to catch her own, pressing her gaze against you as the vein in her forehead threatened to burst the longer, she glowered at you. The clench of her canine teeth against one another before shoving you from her sight. Exasperated pursed rogued lips that grunted dissatisfaction with your response, “Whatever, I don’t need this.”  Daki’s absence in the classroom marked only by the quite of an abandoned lecture, the most peculiar sticker discarded in the trash on her way out, and the sinking pit in your stomach that something, something was wrong.