#sixteen year old me believed that twenty-six year old me would be skinny

[mrs-lockley]

do you ever wonder if your past self would be disappointed in you

[alinaastarkov]

Are there any specific Jonrya Quotes that doesn't mean sibling love? If so which ones?

Yes! Loads! Thanks for this ask.

She [Ygritte] is no older than I am. Something about her made him think of Arya, though they looked nothing at all alike. "Will you yield?" he asked, giving the dirk a half turn. And if she doesn't? - Jon VI ACOK

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s not often I’m romantically attracted to someone who immediately reminds me of my sibling. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

Ygritte watched and said nothing. She was older than he'd thought at first, Jon realized; maybe as old as twenty, but short for her age, bandy-legged, with a round face, small hands, and a pug nose. Her shaggy mop of red hair stuck out in all directions. She looked plump as she crouched there, but most of that was layers of fur and wool and leather. Underneath all that she could be as skinny as Arya. - Jon VI ACOK

Once again, I tend not to imagine my (future) romantic partner’s naked body and think of my sibling. I’m starting to sense a pattern 🤔

"NO!" Arya and Gendry both said, at the exact same instant. Hot Pie quailed a little. Arya gave Gendry a sideways look. He said it with me, like Jon used to do, back in Winterfell. She missed Jon Snow the most of all her brothers. - Arya I ASOS

Even Arya is comparing her (future potential) love interest to Jon. It’s an epidemic!

She reminded him a little of his sister Arya, though Arya was younger and probably skinnier. It was hard to tell how plump or thin Ygritte might be, with all the furs and skins she wore. - Jon II ASOS

Yet another instance of Jon thinking of Ygritte’s body beneath her clothes and thinking of Arya. Hmm, suspicious 👀

"If you kill a man, and never mean t', he's just as dead," Ygritte said stubbornly. Jon had never met anyone so stubborn, except maybe for his little sister Arya. Is she still my sister? he wondered. Was she ever? - Jon III ASOS

Kind of strange to question his relationship to Arya, especially after all of those inappropriate thoughts regarding Ygritte. And to question only Arya? Seems like someone really wishes they weren’t blood related so it wouldn’t feel wrong to think of her that way...

"It wasn't Longspear, then?" Jon was relieved. He liked Longspear, with his homely face and friendly ways. She punched him. "That's vile. Would you bed your sister?" "Longspear's not your brother." - Jon III ASOS

Real smooth, Jon. Real smooth. Notice how he totally dodges the question? How we never get an answer on if he would bed his sister? Perhaps because the answer is yes?? Notice how this sounds a lot like it might tie in to “their passion will continue to torment them until the secret of Jon’s parentage is revealed in the last book”? Very suspicious.

"He's with the Night's Watch on the Wall." Maybe I should go to the Wall instead of Riverrun. Jon wouldn't care who I killed or whether I brushed my hair . . . "Jon looks like me, even though he's bastard-born. He used to muss my hair and call me 'little sister.'" Arya missed Jon most of all. Just saying his name made her sad. - Arya VIII ASOS

“I know where we could go," Arya said. She still had one brother left. Jon will want me, even if no one else does. He'll call me "little sister" and muss my hair. - Arya XII ASOS

Maybe not explicitly romantic per se, but it is telling that she genuinely believes her own mother and brother would not want her for superficial reasons and because of the people she killed in self-defense, but her belief in Jon doesn’t waver for a single second.

Jon has a mother. Wylla, her name is Wylla. She would need to remember so she could tell him, the next time she saw him. She wondered if he would still call her "little sister." I'm not so little anymore. He'd have to call me something else. - Arya VIII ASOS

Arya’s questioning her relationship with him too?! To distance herself from him and subconsciously make it easier to deal with romantic feelings in the future?! Will it ever end?!

"It's just a sword," she said, aloud this time . . . . . . but it wasn't.  Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. - Arya II AFFC

This is so sweet and the specificity of his smile over the more general descriptions of the rest of her family mark it out as different in some way.

She had never cared if she was pretty, even when she was stupid Arya Stark. Only her father had ever called her that. Him, and Jon Snow, sometimes. Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. To her sister and sister's friends and all the rest, she had just been Arya Horseface. But they were all dead now, even Arya, everyone but her half-brother, Jon. Some nights she heard talk of him, in the taverns and brothels of the Ragman's Harbor. The Black Bastard of the Wall, one man had called him. Even Jon would never know Blind Beth, I bet. That made her sad. - The Blind Girl ADWD

Arya loves Jon so much she wishes he could meet her alter-egos too. Ugh, the romantic angst is too much.

"He's to marry Arya Stark. My little sister." Jon could almost see her in that moment, long-faced and gawky, all knobby knees and sharp elbows, with her dirty face and tangled hair. They would wash the one and comb the other, he did not doubt, but he could not imagine Arya in a wedding gown, nor Ramsay Bolton's bed. No matter how afraid she is, she will not show it. If he tries to lay a hand on her, she'll fight him. "Your sister," Iron Emmett said, "how old is …" By now she'd be eleven, Jon thought. Still a child. "I have no sister. Only brothers. Only you." Lady Catelyn would have rejoiced to hear those words, he knew. That did not make them easier to say. His fingers closed around the parchment. Would that they could crush Ramsay Bolton's throat as easily. - Jon VI ADWD

Once again, Jon thinks of Arya in a way that a brother really shouldn’t think of a sister. Funny how he specifically says “Ramsay Bolton’s bed”, and not just any man’s bed? Maybe because he can imagine her in someone’s (his)? Either way, weird thing to think about, Jon. And a very violent reaction to your sister’s marriage. Way more than his reaction to another sister’s marriage. Definitely intense feeling that goes beyond sibling bond.

"I have no sister." The words were knives. What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister? Melisandre seemed amused. "What is her name, this little sister that you do not have?" "Arya." His voice was hoarse. "My half-sister, truly …" - Jon VI ADWD

Need I say more?

Jon felt fifteen years old again. Little sister. - Jon IX ADWD

This is not so big in terms of non-sibling feelings but it is a very intense reaction and also I love Jon being such an emo little shit here cause... Jon, bby, you’re sixteen. Calm down.

The girl smiled in a way that reminded Jon so much of his little sister that it almost broke his heart. "Let him be scared of me." The snowflakes were melting on her cheeks, but her hair was wrapped in a swirl of lace that Satin had found somewhere, and the snow had begun to collect there, giving her a frosty crown. Her cheeks were flushed and red, and her eyes sparkled. "Winter's lady." Jon squeezed her hand. - Jon X ADWD

This is such a romanticised scene and the fact that it mentions Arya at the same time, and Jon’s intense feeling again, gives me pause and made me put it on this list.

It had been so long since he had last seen Arya. What would she look like now? Would he even know her? Arya Underfoot. Her face was always dirty. Would she still have that little sword he'd had Mikken forge for her? Stick them with the pointy end, he'd told her. Wisdom for her wedding night if half of what he heard of Ramsay Snow was true. Bring her home, Mance. I saved your son from Melisandre, and now I am about to save four thousand of your free folk. You owe me this one little girl. - Jon XI ADWD

Again, veeeerrry intense feelings, the mention of her wedding night again, and the fact that he once more questions his relationship with her. It’s too repetitive and obvious not to mean something.

You know nothing, Jon Snow. He thought of Arya, her hair as tangled as a bird's nest. I made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … "I think we had best change the plan," Jon Snow said. - Jon XIII ADWD

So, Jon thinks of his former lover and Arya right after, repeats the phrase “I want my bride back” specifically in reference to Arya, and imo “bride” is not what you call someone you have only platonic/ familial feelings for. That would be very weird. Then he abandons all his vows, something he had the opportunity to do and didn’t at least 3 separate times, for and only for Arya, and if that ain’t just the most romantic shit you ever heard. And then of course he literally dies with her as his last thought. Romantic. As. Fuck!

There is more than this, but you asked for things that don’t also mean sibling love, so here you go! 🤗

[lawnierose]

“Potter, Harry”

Whispers broke out throughout the Great Hall. All eyes seemed to follow the raven haired boy that walked to the stool. Some staff had waited years for this moment. Students, some of whom grew up hearing about the Boy-Who-Lived, couldn’t believe that they were seeing their hero. Some students had no clue what was going on but were caught up in the moment and begging those around them for an explanation. A few commented that the boy looked fairly small for his age. Minerva Mcgonagall pursed her lips at seeing the child again after ten years apart. She had to hold her typical stoicism, instead of wrapping up the boy she had adopted as her grandchild in her arms. She hated everyday that she had let Albus talk her into leaving him with those muggles. She knew Albus had caused her to forget their address mere moments after they had left the baby behind. Meanwhile, Severus Snape was sneering from where he sat at the head table. All he saw was a child who looked nearly identical to one of his greatest tormentors. A bully who had somehow stolen his first and best friend. He watched curiously as the hat was placed upon the small child.

One minute…

Two minutes…

Five minutes...The boy was a hatstall.

Ten minutes… Murmurs could be heard rumbling all around the Hall.

Twelve minutes… The brim of the hat parted and a collective breath was held.

“Headmaster, Heads of Houses, I need you to bring the child to the antechamber. I will sort the rest then the Deputy Headmistress will bring me to join you.”

There was a cacophony of noise as students had never heard of something like this happening. Minerva silenced the room with a bang from her wand. Pomona Sprout collected the child and escorted them from the Hall. Albus, Severus, and Filius Flitwick followed the pair. Severus turned to Albus with an incredulous look and spoke in hushed tones.

“What is going on, Headmaster? How is the Potter brat already causing problems?”

“Severus, my boy, I can tell you I haven't a clue what is going on. Are you planning to place your old grudge on the boy already?”

Meanwhile, the child was looking around in bewilderment, confusion, but also a begrudging acceptance. The adults in the room paying attention, noticed that Harry’s eyes seemed far older than the eleven years the boy actually was. All four tried to ask him questions but he remained stubbornly silent. Fifteen minutes went by, as they could hear the sorting continue in the other room. They heard Minerva start the feast before she joined them with the Sorting Hat in hand. She set the hat on a table in the room and conjured a comfortable chair. The other professors did the same, but she noticed Harry was still standing so she conjured a second chair by her side and motioned for him to sit. After he did, she turned back to the Hat.

“What is going on?”

“Why were you unable to sort the boy?”

“What in Merlin’s name is the problem?”

All of the adults tried asking their questions at the same time. They promptly shut up as they realized they were nearly shouting over each other. The Hat let out a put upon sigh, and if an inanimate object could glare they could all feel it.

“If you will all be quiet, I will tell you what the devil is going on. The child has multiple individuals in their head. Unlike the last time this happened, exactly twenty years ago, these multiples will not be sorted into one singular house. I regret to inform you that I sensed six individuals. Young Potter must simply be a child of Hogwarts, something that has not happened in two hundred years.”

The five adults sat back in stunned silence. Magical Multiple Disorder was incredibly rare. The person who was referenced from twenty years ago was sitting in the room as one of the heads of houses and knew intimately what caused that particular disorder to arise. Severus and Minerva looked at each other in horror as what the Hat said fully materialized in their minds. Six multiples, that meant Potter had gone through some of the worst abuse one could receive and all before age eleven. As one, they glared at the Headmaster. Minerva was the first to speak, and Albus had gone pale at the sheer loathing he could see in her eyes.

“Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbeldore, give me one good reason I shouldn’t hex you into oblivion right this instant. Explain yourself or I will permanently transfigure you into a cat scratch post.”

“Now dear…”

His response was cut off as a nasty stinging hex hit him in the forehead.

“Don’t you ‘now dear’ me you meddling old goat. You know what, sit there in silence. I am sure young Potter can tell us what we need to know.”

With that the headmaster was hit with four silencing spells of such power he couldn’t break through them. Although, if Albus was being honest with himself he most definitely deserved this. He had obviously failed Harry Potter for the child to arrive with six multiple forms. His eyes widened as he remembered what that truly meant. It was with great effort that he did not vomit as a wave of guilt swept over him. He focused back on everyone else in the room as Minerva asked her first question.

“Harry, do you know what the Hat is talking about? I am so sorry that we weren’t there for you but I promise we will do everything we can to help you. I couldn’t check on you, because this meddlesome man took my memory of where we left you. I wanted so badly to look in on you. Please, will you let us help.”

Harry took a moment to study the faces around him. He saw guilt, concern, anger, and despair, but he was happy that there was no pity. He took a deep breath and as he let it out, he also shifted. The adults gasped as suddenly a near identical twin to the child’s mother stood in front of them now. Severus went pale as a ghost and had to slam his Occlumency shields into place just to stay cognizant.

“Hello, I am Azalea, and I am our Nurturer. Harry is our Face, but he needs a moment. Yes, we know what is going on. After Hagrid took us to Gringotts, we pickpocketed our key and went back in. We met with our account manager and got recommendations for books to help us learn about what we are and the wizarding world in general. Headmaster, you are lucky that you never took money from us or had anything to do with those ridiculous books written about Harry Potter. My relatives are about to be bankrupt, by paying back what you set up to send them for my care. The writers and publishers of those books are also about to meet a lawsuit like they have never seen before.

Obviously, you all seem to know what causes this Disorder. My relatives were the absolute worst sort of Muggles…”

Apparently, Albus hadn’t fully learned his lesson as he finally broke the silencing charms around him. He proved just how senile he was going by daring to interupt Azalea.

“My dear girl, they are your family. You had to stay with them for your own safety.”

He flinched back as a dagger whipped past his nose and buried itself in the wood behind him. He stared wide eyed at the new form in front of him. Where just a moment ago had been a thirteen year old miniature of Lily, now sat a fifteen year old female version of Sirius. She was scarily similar to Andromeda or Bellatrix Black, if either woman had ever delved into muggle goth-punk fashion that is. Black curls ending in blue tips were pulled up into a messy mohawk. The girl was twirling another dagger between her fingers and glaring at Dumbledore.

“Feck off ya ol’ cunt. Safe, ya think ay ‘as safe with dem bloody rat bastards. I was created at four years old. FOUR ya fecking prick! I’s Zoey by the by, the Protector. If youse the bastard lef’ me ‘er, youse jus’ as much at fault. Argh! Fine. Harry wants to speak again.”

“Sorry about that. Zoey is quite aggressive and vulgar, and we would be here all night if I let her continue. As Zoey said, she appeared at the age of four, as did Freak and Jamie, who you will meet momentarily. Jamie is our Child, Freak is the Masochist. There is also Holly, the Slut. She appeared at age nine. Our Uncle decided beatings and starvation weren’t punishment enough. She and Freak are unique in that they would black certain things out for the rest of us. Those memories remain muted to the rest of us. Despite our collective mind, if you want details you will have to request those come forward. Be warned if you do that, we will probably slip into our Child form and need care for the rest of the night.”

The adults decided they did need to know more. First, they asked Freak to the forefront. Professor Sprout had to conjure a bucket which she immediately filled with the contents of her stomach. Freak was approximately sixteen and a mass of corded muscle. Over that muscle and covering his skin was crisscrossed dozens of scars. You could see them because all Freak wore was a pair of ripped sweatpants that ended at the knee. Roped scars covered his chest, back, and arms. The adults could see words; freak, monster, and whore, carved into his flesh at various points. It seems Freak had taken every wound and what it left behind onto his form. His size came from the sheer level of strength needed to survive all that had been done. While listening to Freak present his memories, Pomona and Minerva were brought to tears. Severus ended up summoning calming droughts for every adult present. Then they met Holly, who is around fourteen years old. She gave all of them appraising looks before informing them that her stories would have to come another time. The collective group was drained, hungry, and getting tired. The adults realized how late it had gotten. They decided Albus would make an announcement in the morning, and he went to give the closing speech and dismiss the students. As soon as he was gone, Holly told them Jamie was coming. The shift revealed a four year old boy, who was too skinny for that age. He had a stuffed black dog and a blanket that Minerva recognized as the one he had been left with that fateful night. Her heart nearly broke as he reached out to her.

“Nana Minnie, up?”

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

One-shot. Erik discovers his teenager is dating and older man.

Sixteen

"Uniqua," Erik yelled from the kitchen.

He was peeling boiled potatoes, getting them ready to mash as mac and cheese baked in the oven over pan-seared steaks next to potatoes. The greens were already boiling with a hambone. The fried chicken was done. The tea was made and the sweet potatoe pie was on the counter for dessert. He listened for the footsteps of his little helper, but they didn't come.

Erik sighed. Uniqua knew he was cooking for Christmas. It had been their tradition since her mother ran away. Eight years later, they still liked to cook and spend time together as a family, just the two of them on special holidays. She'd already missed her favorite parts, putting the cheese in the macaroni and sweetening the tea. She was about to miss the potato salad.

Dropping the hot potato back into the bowl in the sink, Erik walked to the bottom of the stairs. "Uniqua," he called up the staircase. Her room was over the kitchen, he knew that she could hear. He was starting to get irritated. Even if she didn't want to come down, she could at least answer.

Thudding up the stairs, he gently knocked on her door, the 'KEEP OUT' road sign swaying from the movement. He didn't hear her moving inside and her music wasn't on, so why couldn't she hear him? Was she asleep? Was she feeling okay? Concerned, he opened the door and his heart sank.

There in the John Brown nude was his only child dancing in front of her iphone's camera. Erik was frozen. In the second before he lunged at the camera, he saw what looked like a grown man on her screen. He had full facial hair and was definitely out of high school. Late twenties at least.

"DAD!" Uniqua shrieked snatching her blanket from the bed to wrap her naked body in as she dropped down to the floor. Her air pod fell from her ear onto her pink rug.

The call ended and Erik was left with his daughter's unlocked phone. Until now, he never felt a need to go through it. He opened her gallery and was mortified. She had nudes that she'd undoubtedly been sending. There were some saved images of a man too. They were all the same man, he could tell. The dick pics were all of the same dick.

Uniqua looked terrified. Her face was ghastly and rightfully so. He wanted to whoop her ass until the white meat showed. She KNEW better than to do something like this.

"WHO IS THIS THIS GROWN ASS NIGGA ON YOUR PHONE!!!?... HUH?!!!"

He held the dick pick in her face before grabbing it back to flip through the images again. He found a face in a mirror's reflection. It was that nigga she was facetiming.

"WHO THE FUCK YOU FACETIMING?"

Uniqua's eyes were huge as if she may have a heart attack.

"YOU BETTER START TALKING QUICK, I SWEAR FO' GOD..."

"H-he's m-my boyfriend," she whispered with uncertainty, clutching the blanket around herself.

"YOUR WHAT?!" Erik's eyes got huge. She had to be out of her rabbit ass mind. His head was beginning to hurt.

"Oh hell nah," he mumbled pulling up her text messages. She'd been texting a number saved as 'Daddy😜' but it wasn't him. Hell nah it wasn't him. He wanted to vomit as he scrolled through their conversation. This was a grown ass man talking to his sixteen year old daughter. She was sending him images and videos of her body like she was grown.

"OH! So you think you grown now," he nodded, fuming inside.

"N-no," she whispered.

"DON'T BE EMBARRASSED NOW, FAST ASS. YOU THINK YOU GROWN."

He dialed the number and waited on the man to pick up, but he didn't. Erik heard his voicemail, but his name wasn't recorded.

"What's his name? Where he live? What you know about this nigga? I wanna know everything you fucking know. Matter fact, I'm reading all these texts and you can get dressed and sit ya ass right there because you ain't leaving the fuckin house until you 18. KEEP FUCKIN UP. YOU SIXTEEN! YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOUR FUCKIN ROOM CLEAN!"

She sat closed in on herself, afraid to move as she cried, silently hiccuping. Erik was furious. She KNEW better.

"Get the fuck outta my sight," his lip twitched. He watched as she stood with her blanket and snatched her clothes from the floor, scrambling from the room. Standing, he watched to make sure she went into the hall bathroom.

"What the fuck," he groaned holding his head. Uniqua had never given him problems of this nature. This was illegal and her so-called boyfriend was a pedophile.

As Erik read through all of the messages, his heart beat faster. He felt fear, actual fear. He saw that the conversation went back to February. How had he missed it? How had she hidden him that long? Was he a bad parent for not noticing? He felt like a horrible parent, like somehow he'd failed. What else had he missed? What if he hadn't walked in. He'd have never known and his only daughter could've gone missing. His pride and joy, she could've been trafficked or dead somewhere. He exited from the messages and his foot tapped the floor anxiously. He could hear his daughter out in the hall as the bathroom door creaked.

"UNIQUA SHANICE STEVENS," he shouted. "GET YA ASS BACK IN HERE."

She shuffled down the hall and back into the room with her head down in shame, not knowing what else to say or do as her father stared, his expression stern.

"Dad, I'm sorry," she whined, fresh tears in her eyes. It looked like she genuinely meant it.

"Did you meet up with him," Erik asked.

"No!" She leaned forward with strong conviction. "I was going to but I didn't. "

"So you didn't have sex with him."

"I swear I did not!" Her hand raised in a solemn vow as her tears continued. She sniffled. Erik wasn't sure whether to believe her, but she'd NEVER done anything like this before.

Erik frowned, trying to read her. This only made her cry more.

"I-I d-don't.. want you.. to be m-mad.. at me," she sniffled, her eyes now red. "I d-don't want.. want y-you to," she sniffed, "to be disappointed!"

"Tell me EVERYTHING you know about this guy," Erik stressed again.

His daughter began to break down, coming clean about everything that had been hidden. Erik thought his head would spin. He sat and listened as she spoke, saving his comments. He wanted her to continue with the honesty even if he hated what was coming out.

-----

Erik waited outside of the apartment building where his daughter had directed him. She was currently on lockdown at the house with no phone, laptop, or mp3. The wifi password had been changed and he made it very clear that if she left the house, he would definitely beat her ass and then she'd never see her phone, mp3, laptop, or room door again. He wasn't one to bluff and she knew that.

Erik's eyes followed the tall, skinny brown skinned male from the building to the lot. Before he could get to his car, Erik hopped out of his black truck approaching the man.

"Aye nigga.." Erik swung as soon as the man turned around, hitting him square in the nose before gripping his collar to hit him again in the same spot.

The man grabbed at his face, gingerly touching his bloody nose. It was definitely broken.

"FUUH-SHIT!!" The man howled in pained surprise. He didn't know who Erik was.

Erik held up his daughter's school picture. She had a blown out ponytail and sat smiling angelically, blue and pink braces on display, with an electric blue and white hoodie which said 'Billie Eilish', large silver hoops, glittery lipgloss, and her hands crossed over each other. It was obvious that she was young.

"She's sixteen," Erik emphasized. "She's my CHILD and she's SIXTEEN. LOOK AT THE PICTURE."

He pushed it in the guy's face, looking out the corner of his eye at the couple of onlookers, an older black couple.

"He's a grown ass man talking to my teenage daughter," Erik explained showing them the picture. Their judgmental gazes turned to the man who held his hands up as if innocent.

"Whoa! Wait now.. Nah, she told me she was 19!" His head shook as he tried to defend himself.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT SHE TOLD YOU, HER FUCKIN FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, TIKTOK ALL SAY UNIKKY03 OR HAVE HER AGE POSTED."

Before the man could lie again, Erik pulled up the screenshot he took on his daughter's phone.

Daddy😜: I'm 31 is that okay with you?

Uniqua: that's fine I look 19 anyway 😜👌

Daddy😜: You're very mature for a teen 😚

The man looked at the message as if it were brand new and he'd never seen it before.

"OH HELL NO," a loud voice came from the left. A young man early 20s drinking a Red Bull with his phone in his other hand. "HE'S A KIDDIE DIDDLER?!?!"

Erik held up the picture of his daughter as the guy came nearer, squinting at the photo.

Without warning, Red Bull lunged ahead jumping on the man in question as Erik stood shocked.

Red Bull beat the breaks off the nigga, spitting on him before stumbling back.

"All yours cuz," he mumbled.

Erik didn't hesitate. He couldn't forgive any man who would prey on his one and only child. A man who would do it once would do it again, only next time it would be someone else's child.

He kicked the man in the ribs six times before he came to himself. Stepping back, he glanced at the couple. The woman waved him on.

"Beat his ass!"

"I'm a grandfather. You do what you gotta do for your family," her husband shrugged watching on. The neighborhood was out today.

Erik circled the man on the ground. He started to pull his gun and in his mind.. he saw himself pulling the trigger. However, he took a step back. He was a father who needed to be there for his daughter. Especially now more than ever. She was more important. She was his first priority.

Still, Erik needed to make a point.

Snatching his gun from the concealed holster on his waist, he racked it fast and put it to the man's head as he laid busted up on the concrete. No one made a move to stop him, walking around him instead.

"If you so much as breathe in my child or ANY child's direction.. I'll kill you AND your entire family. Do you FUCKIN hear me."

Erik leaned down further as the man groaned in agony.

"I SAID DO YOU FUCKIN HEAR ME."

"YES, YES, I hear you," the man winced as Erik stood, staring down at him before stepping over him and heading back to his car.

He nodded to the couple and Red Bull before pulling off.

"Alright," Red Bull nodded back. The couple waved as Erik drove away.

-----

"I'm sorry," Uniqua whined when Erik walked in the door. She was sitting in the living room, watching Christmas movies and waiting. When he entered, she stood walking toward him slowly, the way she always did when something was heavy on her mind. She walked up until she collided with him, tucking her head into his chest and he sighed. He couldn't stay mad at his own child. She was only a kid afterall.

He swallowed her up in an embrace and walked her back to the kitchen. There was a pan of cornbread sitting on the counter.

"Ah, you made cornbread," he smiled.

She beamed, her eyes still red. He could tell she'd been crying the entire time. His heart broke, but at the same time he knew he had to be tough for her own safety.

"You understand why I got so angry, don't you? I just want you to be safe. Grown men, especially men that age don't need to be messing with little girls your age. They only to that because they're predators and grown women don't put up with that shit. Promise me you'll never talk to anyone like that without telling me."

"I promise!" She looked like she might cry again.

"Aight," he said letting it go. "Come here." He raised his arms beckoning her to collect her hug.

She came quickly, hugging her father tightly as he sighed.

"Stick to boys your own age, just let me meet em first," he said putting a heavy hand atop her head.

"I promise... No one over 19," she said.

"Sixteen," Erik corrected.

"Oh! That's what I meant," she nodded quickly getting the message. "Sixteen."

@muse-of-mbaku @imaginewhoever @goddessofthundathighs @panthergoddessbast @thadelightfulone @misspooh @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @marvelmaree @youreadthatright @forbeautyandlife @theunsweetenedtruth @bidibidibombaclaat @myboyfriendgiriboy @dameshaemonique @blackpantherimagines   @vikkidc @hidden-treasures21 @mysidefanting @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @syndrlla97 @winteroflife @thotyana-in-this-hoe   @texasbama @gingerylimonte @princessstevens   @magic-madness-heavensin @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @wakanda-inspired @blackgirloneshots @thegucciwaffle @thiccdaddy-mbaku   @drsunshine97 @purplehairgawdess @indigoxsummers @cccccx1   @dynastylnoire @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @fonville-designs @they-call-me-le @theblulife @raysunshine78 @sheisexcellent

[fearlessswiftielaura13]

20 lessons I’ve learned before turning 20

According to my birth certificate, I’m turning 20 this year. Although some of the people I know would argue that I’m still five in my heart and others say I’m mature beyond my years. Who knows how old I really should be? Throughout the two decades, I’ve learned some very important things. These are far from all the things I need to know about life. When it comes to knowing how to do this very complicated task called living, I’m still a child that’s trying to walk and falling all over the place. And that’s okay. You live to learn, and you learn to live.

LESSON ONE: You more than likely won’t ever have everything figured out and it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to ask for help and there are no such things as stupid questions. You don’t need to be a know-it-all by 20, 30, 57, you don’t have to know (or pretend to know) everything even when you’re 80.

LESSON TWO: If you want a relationship…stop looking for a relationship. I know, I know. Sounds condescending. Throughout my teenage years I’ve had 10+ crushes and none of them turned into a relationship. The second I stopped trying, well, you all know what happened. That being said…

LESSON THREE: It is perfectly normal and okay to date or crush around when you’re a teenager. You don’t need to if you don’t want to, and I advise that you don’t deliberately try to, but it’s okay to have a new crush every two months. You are a teenager. Your hormones are complete and utter whack. You do you, boo, nobody can judge you.

LESSON FOUR: Not everyone is going to love you or even like you, no matter what you do. That is okay. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

LESSON FIVE: It is never, NEVER too late to start doing something. I typed this lesson idea...at a gym. Yup. Finally decided to get my shit together, after 11 years of being as chubby as a teddy bear and only after my hip started screaming at me for not doing anything to keep fit. That brings me to…

LESSON SIX: It does not matter how skinny or chubby or whatever you are. Beauty is superficial. You can paint a new face on in an hour if you don’t like your current one. You can’t paint on a good personality though. Be good, damn it.

LESSON SEVEN: All that being said, don’t ever change anything about yourself because someone else told you to. The only person that has been and will always be with you is you. People change, love fades, friends leave. A troll on the internet told you to lose 10 kilos? You will more than likely never meet them again. Does it still seem relevant? Do it for yourself, not for a „shit, you got hot“. Or, better yet, say it to yourself. Every day. Because you are bomb af and I don’t give a shit what anyone else has to say.

LESSON EIGHT: You CAN love your studies. That’s right. You can love learning. All you have to do is do what YOU want to do. Not what mommy, daddy, granny said. I still get remarks about how I might not be able to do my job to the fullest because I can’t walk very long distances. Guess what, I’m still in university for journalism studies and nobody can’t force me to leave, even if they try. Because I want it. Because I chose to do it.

LESSON NINE: You. Can. Do. ANYTHING. I was never supposed to walk and guess what, look at me now. I couldn’t do math for sh*t, I despised it with all my heart and I still passed my math exam. I thought that I would never see Taylor Swift in real life. I. DID. And there are so many things that maybe I don’t think I could ever do as of right now, that I will do in five, ten, twenty years. Only because I don’t think about them as something I would even attempt yet.

LESSON TEN: What is meant to happen, will happen. Destiny is real. Yeah, we make the choices that we make, so you could say that our destiny is in our own hands, but I personally have encountered a very specific case of choice making that makes sense only in the long run. When you look at the specific choices that this person made separately and the circumstances of it all, it makes little to no sense. But now when I look back, I realize that it was all supposed to happen. Don’t kill your braincells over that failed math test (see, it haunts me, I have nightmares), it will be fine. Relax. Breathe. You’ll come out through the other side, most likely undamaged.

LESSON ELEVEN: Your hobbies matter. Your interests are not stupid. If it makes you happy and it does no harm to other people, do it. I had a dream for 10 years and it came true a year ago ONLY because I stuck with this curly headed blonde with a guitar for the last decade. I happy cried for weeks leading up to and after that one. I found friends for life because of fandoms and I love it. There’s a chance of me working as an entertainment journalist, all because I love concerts so damn much.

LESSON TWELVE: Stand for what you believe in. Always. If we all stop standing up for the minorities and unpopular opinions, many people will suffer. It is our responsibility, as people to stand up for the weaker. You have voice for a reason. Use it, speak on what you care about. The worst that could happen is people disagreeing with you. After all, those that disagree and have their arguments, lead to a discussion and discussions are good and those who just yell for the sake of being loud…do they really matter?

LESSON THIRTEEN: This is a really big one. You live once. So live the only life that you’re given to the fullest and you better have something to tell your grandchildren. I pretty much broke the door of Siemens arena trying to get front row at the Bastille gig when I was 16 years old and I don’t regret it. My idol drove me home from his own concert, ONLY because of a joke that one of my friends that was there spoke with her own mouth. I got to see the reality of one of the biggest star’s in Lithuania job and hear an unreleased track that later became a huge hit only because we went ahead and did something absolutely psychotic. I packed my bags and flew to London two days after my last exam just because there could’ve never been another chance. I grabbed the last ticket to a gig in the ENTIRE STADIUM only because I decided that I want it. Do it. Just make sure it’s legal so you don’t get in actual trouble.

LESSON FOURTEEN: You will have to kiss a lot of frogs before you know who your real friends are. Things and people change over time, you may become distant with someone you never thought you’d become distant with. Yeah, you thought you’d be friends forever, I get it. I know it’s hard to grasp. But honey, life happens and that’s okay. Someone you loved with all of your heart may do you so dirty that you’ll never want to see them again. You have every right to do so.

LESSON FIFTEEN: Your views will change over time. Be it political stance, ethical shift, anything. As long as that change happens based on research, learning and growth, I see it as something that should be encouraged and celebrated. Do your research. Educate yourself. Learn something new every day.

LESSON SIXTEEN: Be interested in politics. Vote. You’ll more than likely will live in a country you’re in at least for the next few years. I say, the future should be important to every citizen of every country. Put your input into saving the planet. If you have kids someday, they will live in the world we create now.

LESSON SEVENTEEN: Resist the urge to fight hate with hate. You will not always agree with people. People will not always agree with you. That doesn’t mean you should fight with someone who is hating on something you believe in. They will learn someday, if they want to learn. The truth is, they most likely don’t, and you trying to school them won’t really change much.

LESSON EIGHTEEN: Dream! Dream huge, dream impossible. Have ambitions larger than life itself. And never, you hear me, never let other people’s opinions knock you down. If you work hard enough, you can achieve anything you want, regardless of what anyone else has to say (refer to lesson number nine). That being said, see you at BBC World in 15 years. Or if I stay here, LRT. We’ll see, I don’t know that much about my future yet. The only thing I know is that nothing can stop me from going hard or going home.

LESSON NINETEEN: You do not have to fit into a mold. You are human, not a piece of clay. You like Disney? Cool! K-pop? Great! You’re a metalhead and you would dress all black in the summer if you had enough of black clothes? Awesome! What if you are all of those things and also a feminist animal right activist who loves pop music and writing? Congratulations, you are just like me. Let’s be friends and leave people confizzled together.

LESSON TWENTY: You are NEVER too old for Disney. That’s it. That’s the lesson. You are never too old for some Disney magic. Here, let me sprinkle some pixie dust on you. Done. You will now have a great day.

P.S. An additional lesson: never, I repeat, NEVER trust @taylorswift. She is always on to something.

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty nine)

(Chapter one)     (Chapter two)     (Chapter three)     (Chapter four)

(Chapter five)     (Chapter six)     (Chapter seven)     (Chapter eight)

(Chapter nine)     (Chapter ten)     (Chapter eleven)     (Chapter twelve)

(Chapter thirteen)     (Chapter fourteen)     (Chapter fifteen)

(Chapter sixteen)     (Chapter seventeen)     (Chapter eighteen)

(Chapter nineteen)     (Chapter twenty)     (Chapter twenty one)

(Chapter twenty two)      (Chapter twenty three)     (Chapter twenty four)

(Chapter twenty five)     (Chapter twenty six)     (Chapter twenty seven)

(Chapter twenty eight)

This one kind of started off feeling like a filler chapter and went off on its own tangent loooool.

Clubbing, bonding, and some cheeky MacManus PDA. Although this time I should call it PDC since it's more claiming her out of possessiveness then affection. ;’)

---------------------------------------

The next day, Lila was thrumming with excitement about going to a club. Back in New York, before she became a carer to her granda, she often went clubbing, even underage, and she loved it. The nightlife there had been insane and she always got such a buzz off it. The night before, after the trio had gotten home from the pub, they had a slight argument when Lila informed the twins she was going to be meeting Emily at her place, alone. The boys wouldn't hear of it, having her going on her own and them both go to the club, meeting the boys there later. But Lila put her foot down. She wanted the chance to get ready with Emily in peace, getting to know her more. And since the boys had work, she picked a time just before they would be home to leave so they couldn't stop her. She wanted to get to the club before them, have a few drinks just the girls and get Emily relaxed so she felt more at ease around the boys. The boys were pissed, but they knew she would be leaving before they got home from work no matter what they said so they had nothing to do but accept it.

She was currently at Emily's house as the girls got ready. Lila had gotten herself ready first and she brought a whole load of clothes with her for Emily to pick from, knowing the girl wouldn't have anything Lila deemed club appropriate. Lila was wearing the same black bralette from the boys birthday, but she had paired it with a tartan mini skirt instead of jeans. The skirt was high waisted, cinching in her already tiny waist. It fell to her thighs, just long enough to cover her ass. She knew she had crossed the vampy line and into slutty just about but it was more acceptable in a club with the low lighting. It was a skater style skirt, so it flared out and she had on her black wedges from the boy's birthday too. She had her hair half up, two small messy space buns either side of her head as all the other hair fell to her waist, wavy as usual. She did a smokey eye with winged liner and her usual vampy matte red, almost black lipstick. She wore a large choker with it that had a big hoop attached, like a leash should attach to it, it was one of her favourites. Her friend had complimented her profusely, telling her how amazing she looked and how she wished she could pull something like that off. Lilas mission was to make Emily see herself for the beautiful woman she was.

Emily had told her she didn't feel comfortable in a dress or skirt, not this time at least, so Lila picked her high waisted skinny black jeans. She opted for a simple top for the girl, a dark grey cami with lace trim, tucking it in the pants for the girl and showing off her figure. She wasn’t as curvy as Lila, Lila had an hourglass figure with a tiny waist. Emily was a little more skinny, but it looked good on her. She finished the outfit with some ankle boots, making her look more womanly, but nowhere near as exposed as Lila, baby steps as it were. Lila did the girls make up for her, and with the look Emily had given the makeup, Lila doubted the girl was used to it. So she opted to keep it simple, unlike her own dramatic makeup. She gave the girl a simple brown smokey eye with some eyeliner and finished the look with some nude gloss. They both looked hot as hell, but at the same time their outfits showed their personality. Emily being more reserved and Lila being edgy and honestly unashamed to show her body. She never had been when she was clubbing, she knew what the scene was like after all.

They linked arms as they got out of the cab, walking inside the club. It wasn't too far from the pub which is why Lila knew it was there, seeing it on her way to work. She had no clue about the clubs here in Boston so this seemed like a good place to scout. If they didn't like it, she could find somewhere else to go for next time. Emily was actually excited after Lila had pumped her up whilst they got ready, Lilas excitement was contagious. Emily admired the redhead, she seemed so confident and did not give a shit about what other people thought, Emily wished she could be more like that and hoped spending time with her might help.

As they made their way in, Lila grinned, looking around and feeling like home. The atmosphere was worlds apart from McGinty's. The light was low, the occasional strobe going off, a sea of bodies on the dancefloor gyrating against each other to the slow beat of the music, giving the song a sexy feel to it. Lila gripped Emily's hand so she didn't lose the girl as she made her way to the bar. She knew she only had about an hour with the girl before the boys showed up and she knew without a doubt they would get ready as soon as possible to get to her, wanting to know she was okay and made it here safely. Half an hour in and the girls weren’t drunk but they were tipsy, they were sat in some chairs in a corner where Lila was telling her new friend about her horrible first time, losing her virginity at 16 years old to a guy in her class.

“I wasn't the prettiest in school you know? I wasn't popular or anything like that. I didn't really get on with people that well, I was still dealing with losing my da, and I was a pretty angsty teen. I was a loner, people just kinda avoided me. So when he started showing me all this attention, I guess I felt special. Like the cool kid noticed I existed.” She sighed. Emily nodded intently, she was engrossed in the story, enjoying having a friend. Lila was grateful for the girl. As much as she loved her boys and Rocco, she seemed to be always surrounded by men, even at work. She was glad to have some good old girl talk.

“He would shower me with gifts, be all cute and leave sweet notes in my locker. At one point he even told me he loved me.” She scoffed bitterly and shook her head. Emily frowned and reached out, squeezing her hand. If she was honest the story felt so similar to her own already and she related to it.

“I was nervous, obviously, I hadn't ever done it before and I told him that. He told me he'd be gentle, told me I was it for him. I believed him like a fucking idiot. So I gave him what he wanted, and then right after, not even five minutes, he tells me to leave...I was so shocked, I was hurt. He was suddenly cold. He laughed at me when I cried and told me I meant nothing, I was just a conquest he could brag about, so I left feeling humiliated and heartbroken. Sure enough, when I get to school the next day, everyone's whispering about me, he’d told everyone and there were rumours flying around about how much of a slut I was, some even that I’d fucked the whole football team.” She huffed, taking a long pull from her beer. Emily scowled, sipping her own beer.

“He's an asshole.” She frowned, making Lila snort a laugh at her, she liked Emily a lot. The girl had already warmed up to her pretty well and she was a different person to the meek girl she met the day before. Lila was happy she was opening up to her.

“Yeah, he is. But it doesn't matter, I made my peace with it and I’m still alive, shit just happens you know?” She shrugged, and of course, Emily knew, Lilas own boyfriends had done it to her. The whole thing was strange, to be friends with the girlfriend of the very boys who had hurt her, but it wasn't awkward like it should have been, she genuinely liked Lila and she liked how even though she loved the boys, she had stuck up for her and made them say sorry to her.

They had a few more drinks, still not drunk but well on their way, and that's when the twins and Rocco showed up. They pushed their way through the sea of bodies, scanning the crowd for their girl. They had been to clubs a few times, they liked the energy here sometimes but they much preferred the relaxed atmosphere of the bar. Rocco was the first to spot her with Emily, pointing her out to the boys as he shouted something they couldn't hear over the loud music. Their eyes went to where he was pointing and they almost stopped dead in their tracks. She was wearing such a tiny fucking skirt and they didn't fail to notice all the eyes on her. They felt mixed emotions. First of all, they wanted to remove all the leering eyes from the skulls that dared look at their girl. But at the same time, they felt that swell of pride that she belonged to them. She was breathtaking, and as she turned and saw them, a beautiful bright smile gracing her pouty dark red lips, their breath caught in their throat. She was a vision, like a dark angel calling them home. It made their hormones go fucking nuts but it also caused a swirl of emotions in both brothers. And Murphy being Murphy, couldn't hold back.

He stalked right over, his possessive need to claim her in front of all the watching eyes reaching an all-time high, and much how he had done in McGinty's, he grabbed her face and crashed his lips on hers. He could taste the alcohol on her lips and he felt her moan into the kiss as she fisted his hair, not caring who looked on. It wasn't like there weren't other people making out all over the place. His tongue invaded her mouth, like it was exploring every inch of it and he got lost in the taste of her. When he moved away she gave him a grin, clearly tipsy but also feeling the rush of the kiss. Lila had noticed the boys were wearing their usual black t-shirt and jeans combo, she had a brief fleeting thought of how unfair it was that they could make such little effort yet look so sinfully good.

His hands were still on her face as he took a small step back, his eyes roaming her beautiful body up close and he hummed in appreciation. Leaning forward again and resting his forehead on hers.

“Fuckin’ hell m’girl, yer tryin’ te kill us.” He chuckled, making her snort a laugh at him. Her cheeks were slightly flushed from the alcohol and she looked well on her way to being merry. He kissed her nose before moving away and she noticed the lighter haired twin watching them, biting his lower lip as he gave her a hooded gaze, his eyes traveling all over her body. She flushed under his stare but made no move to go to him. He always expected her to and the alcohol singing in her veins made her feel cheeky. He looked at her almost expectantly and she quirked a brow with a smirk, shrugging at him. She heard Murphy laugh beside her, watching the two as he gave his brother a smug grin. In any other circumstance Connor would have stuck to his will, being the one in control and waiting until the girl caved and went to him, but he had the deep need to claim her as his twin had, he'd seen at the men with their tongues practically hanging out as they looked at his girl. He growled low in his throat as he closed the gap, grabbing her hip with one hand, the other on her neck. She was more than surprised when his lips attacked hers with as much desperation as his brother. Connors kisses were usually more controlled and slow, yet still sensual. This was different, and she knew he was laying his claim, honestly, it turned her on.

When he moved away, they were both breathless and she smirked at him, licking her lower lip as she looked up at him through her lashes.

“Hi.” She grinned, looking so happy she was practically radiant, he couldn't help but smile down at her.

“Hi.” He replied with a cheeky grin. She just kept looking up at him with a lovesick smile, making moon eyes at him and he loved it. She heard Murphy laugh again next to her, she was definitely on her way to being drunk and it was adorable. Connor pointed over to the table, where Emily was now sat with Rocco, and Connor smacked her ass lightly, commanding her to go and sit down. She glanced at both boys for a second before complying. Murphy rubbed his lower lip, Connor scratching the scruff on his chin, as they both tilted their heads, watching her walk away. The way her hips swayed, the little amount of clothing she was wearing, she was a fucking vision. They noticed a guy at the bar also watching her walk away and they squinted at him, but when the man noticed them he blanched, looking terrified, he had seen their public display of affection as it were, and he turned away quickly. The twins just shot each other sly smirks feeling more than pleased with themselves, they made their way over to the bar to order them all a round of drinks.

When Lila got to the table, a smirk worked its way onto her face as she saw Emily and Rocco talking intently. It only widened when she saw Emily laugh at something Rocco said, he was the funny man after all. It seemed like they were getting cozy, and it made her feel all warm and fuzzy. They'd make a cute couple. She wouldn't say anything to embarrass them though, she knew how Emily was and she wasn't about to make her new friend feel awkward, that's not what friends do. So instead, she sat at the table and smiled warmly at them as they looked at her, smiling back. She’d made sure to sit a bit away from them so she wasn’t imposing and she was more than pleased when they resumed talking. She was glad she’d had the chance to ply Emily with some booze before the boys got here because it seemed to have loosened her up. She also had a feeling it was to do with the fact that she and Emily now felt like real friends, and Emily knew Lila had her back, it made her much more relaxed about being around the three assholes that once hurt her. They had changed after all, and Emily could see it.

The boys got back to the table and she was surprised when Connor sat next to her and Murphy sat opposite her. Connor rarely went to her like this and the scowl on Murphys face told her the needy twin wasn't impressed with this turn of events. Connors' arm wound around her waist and she reached across the table, holding her hand out to the darker twin. He turned his scowl from his brother, softening when he looked at her but he still wasn't happy. She bat her lashes at him, giving him a little pout and he couldn't help but smile as he took her hand, feeling good that she had wanted to include him and hadn't just forgotten him, even when drunk.

The brothers kept talking to each other in a language she couldn't understand but she was too drunk to care, enjoying the warmth radiating from Connor and how Murphy was stroking her hand affectionately. She was getting the itch to dance, watching all the bodies on the floor moving to the beat. She was distracted though when she felt Connor laugh next to her and she glanced to Murphy, he was watching Emily and Rocco amused and he was about to say something, but it was like Lila just fucking knew, always in tune with them. She kicked him under the table and he yelped, his shin took quite a hit with those monster heels of hers. Connor barked a laugh next to her, fucking delighted about the fact she had actually kicked his brother, and Murphy scowled at her indigently.

“The fuck was that for?” He asked petulantly, his voice higher than usual and she couldn't stop the snort that left her lips.

“Not a word Murphy MacManus!” She scolded, glancing to her new friend and her best friend really getting along. Realisation crossed his face then as he glanced from them to Lila again. As much as he wanted to make a smart ass comment, he knew Lila would have his balls if he did, this was her night after all and they had just fucking encroached it without care since they wouldn't even dream of letting her out the house dressed like this without them.

Some time passed with them laughing and drinking, Emily and Rocco now sat with them properly again as they joined in and Lila was having a great night. It was nice to be back in a club and now with her new favourite people too. But still, she was getting the urge to dance again. She was going to ask the twins to dance, although she felt like dancing wasn't really their thing, but then she got an idea.

“Emily, come dance with me!” Lila pleaded, giving her friend a grin. The twins and Rocco quirked a brow, looking somewhat amused as they look from girl to girl, like they were excited about her answer and to see them dance together. Lila snorted. She had no doubt the whole experimentation story she had told the three was playing on their minds and it was hilarious. Emily looked at her with wide eyes, blushing just slightly. Lila knew she'd enjoy it if she gave it a go, so she stood up, sauntering over somehow gracefully despite all the alcohol in her system. She took Emily's hand and pulled her to the dance floor.

“Lila...I’ve never...I don't know how to.” Emily admitted looking embarrassed and sheepish. Lila thought as much and shot her friend a winning smile.

“Just do what I do, let your body respond to the beat.” She smirked as she started swaying her body to the deep slow base of the song. She always felt alive being in a club, letting the music sing through her veins like this, her body always seemed to have a mind of its own and just moved accordingly. Emily watched her for a moment taking note of what her more confident friend was doing. She was excited to try it, this whole thing had been a new experience for her and Lila hadn't steered her wrong yet. She copied Lila, her movements a little jerky at first, unsure of herself. Lila moved closer to her, wrapping her arms around her neck with a wicked grin, and Emily laughed lightly, her cheeks blushing. It did help though, as she rested her on hands on Lilas' hips, it helped her move in sync with the redhead as they both danced together. Emily's face heated up when she noticed a lot of people looking their way, smirking at them, seemingly enjoying the show. But it felt good to be noticed that way, after spending so much time a fly on the wall.

The boys and Rocco were staring at them, eyes wide and jaws slack. When they saw Lila move closer to the girl and wrap her arms around her neck, they almost fucking died of a heart attack right there. The way she moved was so erotic, how her hips swayed and her body moved so sinuously, they felt their jeans suddenly feel a fuck tonne tighter. Their eyes weren’t really on the other girl, although just the fact that Lila was dancing with another lass got them hot and bothered. But it was just the way Lila moved her body altogether that got them going. Especially when she was wearing that short fucking skirt. They tensed visibly through when some prick came up behind Lila, just inviting himself in on the party. Murphy's blood turned to molten lava when said pricks hands rested on Lilas' hips just below Emily's and he was gyrating behind her, no doubt rubbing his dick all over her ass. They looked to each other, faces like thunder, and Rocco looked at them both and swallowed thickly, knowing what was about to happen.

Before they could get up to kick the assholes teeth in though, Lila had turned around, moving away from him. The guy was handsome, she’d give him that. Usually she’d dance with anyone, she didn't really care, but she was in a relationship now. She glanced to the boys, seeing them watching and looking like they were about to shit a brick and she had to hold back her laughter. She was really tempted just to dance with the guy, to see their faces and because honestly, when they were jealous and possessive, it was really fucking sexy. But she knew the guy would end up dead if she did, and she didn't want to hurt the boys. It was one thing making them jealous when they weren’t together or just saying something to get them riled up, but to do this would be crossing a line she didn't want to cross. Their relationship was already one that would be considered strange and needed more attention. Polyamorous relationships needed more communication than others and it was a big deal to keep jealousy at a minimum. And even though this wouldn’t cause them fighting with each other, she didn't want to make them mad, because if they pulled that shit on her now they were together, she’d fucking kill them.

“I’m sorry, I’m taken.” Lila grinned warmly at the man, he hadn't really done anything wrong after all, no need to be rude to him. He held his hands up in mock surrender as he laughed lightly and Lila was glad he was taking it so well and didn't cause a scene.

“Hey, no worries. What about you?” He asked with a smile as he glanced at Emily. The girl's eyes widened like saucers and Lilas laughter chimed around them. She pulled her friend in for a hug so she could talk to her privately.

“You don't have to if you don't want, but I think you'd enjoy it if you did.” She whispered to her, letting her know she had her back, but really wanting her friend to just loosen up and have a good time. She knew Emily seemed to like Rocco, and it seemed like just maybe Rocco liked her back, but if she danced with this guy and Rocco got jealous, Lila would have that answer. Emily looked at her, then to the guy, before back at her. If she was honest, she was really tempted to. She had enjoyed dancing with Lila and now this hot guy wanted to dance with her. It was just a dance, it wasn't serious, and she knew Lila would have her back if things got too awkward. She nodded shyly and the man grinned at her. Lila walked away as the two started dancing, she would go and sit down with the boys and watch to make sure she was okay and didn't need help.

The boys relaxed when they saw Lila move away and the prick was no longer touching her, but they still watched on with scowls as she continued to talk to him, fucking smiling at him as he smiled back. But when the man started to dance with Emily instead and Lila walked away, they exhaled a breath they didn't even realise they were holding. Rocco was the one who was now scowling as he watched the pair dance and the boys glanced to each other with smirks, trying not to laugh. Lila joined them with a beaming grin, but before she could sit down, Murphy grabbed her and pulled her to sit sideways on his lap. She giggled, wrapping an arm around him so she didn't just fall right off, she was pretty tipsy and she didn't trust herself not to slide off and hit the floor.

She heard Murphy's beautiful laugh in her ear and she glanced over to Connor who was grinning at her, thoroughly amused. Murphy nuzzled her neck, nipping it playfully and making her gasp.

“Ye been a wee naughty lass Lila.” He purred against her skin and she flushed from his words and squirmed a little on his lap, his arms around her waist tightening. Connor was still staring her down and it was intense, a sly smirk on his face as he watched them both.

“I told him I was taken.” She whispered, her heart beating faster still from Murphy's words. Her voice sounded shy almost as she clung to him. The twins certainly knew how to push her buttons. Murphy hummed against her neck, seemingly pleased with that news and Connors smirk widened.

“Good girl.” Murphy smirked, nipping her neck once again and making her let out a quiet moan, all other people in the club seemingly forgotten and it was just her and her boys.

Murphy suddenly latched his teeth onto the skin of her neck, sucking hard and marking her up for him and his brother. He remembered the first time he had seen her with her hair up, how he had wanted to do this even back then and he felt a surge of primal satisfaction from it. That he was finally able to do it. Murphy's hand started sliding up the inside of her thigh and she moaned again, squirming more as her chest heaved. Connor watched with rapt attention, eyes wandering the whole of her as he took her all in. How her cheeks were flushed and her eyes closed, definitely fucking enjoying the attention his twin was showing her.

When Murphy was done, he made a noise of satisfaction in the back of his throat as he admired his handiwork, a large hickey standing out in stark contrast to her beautiful pale skin. She looked at him, blinking slowly like she was dazed and he gave her a devilish grin, loving how she responded to him. He pulled her lips to his own, kissing her deeply as he massaged his tongue with hers, making her moan into his mouth. He fisted her hair, his kiss getting more intense and desperate. She whined when he eventually pulled away feeling breathless. He chuckled at her as he tried to catch his own breath. She was fucking perfect in every way. He loved how her body reacted to his touches, or how she never seemed to care who was watching when she was with them both. It made him feel good.

“Go te me brother cailín álainn (beautiful girl).” He commanded, brushing his lips against hers teasingly. His tone and words sent another thrill through her and she swallowed hard, nodding as she got up obediently. Connor was looking at her expectantly. His eyes dark and predatory and it made her knees weak. When she stood next to him, he pulled her in his lap just how Murphy had and he kissed her right away. A slow deep, almost teasing kiss and she melted into him. When he pulled away, he looked at her with his hooded gaze as she caught her breath and he took note of how wide her pupils had blown. She looked drugged almost from their kisses and it pleased him greatly. He swept the hair from her shoulder and placed a soft kiss on the unmarked flesh on that side. She shivered at his teasing and he smirked against her skin before sinking his teeth into her, sucking on her skin. She gasped, her eyes fluttering shut as she gripped his shoulder, lest she fall onto the floor in a heap. The whole thing was erotic and made her head spin and she couldn't care less who was watching.

When he was done, he looked at the mark just how Murphy had and placed another soft kiss on the now sensitive skin, making her jump a little. He chuckled and kissed her cheek as she blushed deeply. She glanced back to Murphy, seeing him watching her amused and also turned on. She couldn't believe she had the affection of not just one of these stunning Irishmen, but two. It was overwhelming. It was then that the three noticed Rocco was no longer sat with them and they looked to each other confused. They scanned the place and then Lila let out an incredulous laugh, seeing her best friend dancing with Emily. The boys followed her line of sight and their eyes widened before they grinned. It turned out the funny man had decided to take matters into his own hands and they were glad he did, he seemed to actually like the girl. It was a little awkward, given the circumstance, the boys taking her virginity after all for a bet made by the funny man himself. But if he was happy, then they would support him.

Rocco's on and off again girlfriend Donna was the biggest bitch around, she treated him like shit and was constantly cheating on him. The boys wondered why the fuck he was even still with her but they knew deep down he still loved her, or who she used to be before she became a druggie whore at least. They were currently off, once again, and they hoped that having someone decent in his life would open his eyes that he didn't have to stay in a loveless relationship for the sake of it. Their best friend deserved real happiness, just they like had found. They couldn't even remember what it was like before Lila, when they had no want for a lass for something other than sex, when they had not experienced how it felt to love someone other than each other. They wanted Rocco to feel love again, to be truly fucking happy, because that's how they felt, and they didn't realise just how much they needed it until she came into their lives.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @arlaina28 @daryldixonandfrogs @divadinag

[we-need-a-sexy-skeleton]

all the the asks for the ask meme?

You are why I have trust issues.

1. What is your middle name?

Sean.

2. How old are you?

[REDACTED] years old.

3. What is your birthday?

It’s in February.

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces.

5. What is your favorite color?

Yellow or turquoise, but really anything pastel.

6. What’s your luck number?

Thirteen.

7. Do you have any pets?

Yes. I have a cat named Bob and a dog named Bowie.

8. Where are you from?

New Mexico.

9. How tall are you?

Five feet, five inches.

10. What shoe size are you?

Nine in mens.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Twenty.

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember my dreams.

13. What talents do you have?

I can sing, but I don’t like my voice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Pretty sure I can see ghosts.

15. Favorite song?

At the moment, Birthday by All Time Low.

16. Favorite movie?

The Fall.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone kind who loves me.

18. Do you want children?

No.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

No.

20. Are you religious?

Yes. I’m Jewish.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Many times.

22 has already been answered.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

No.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers. I live in a desert, we don’t have enough water for baths.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Black.

26. Have you ever been famous?

No.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

No.

28. What type of music do you like?

Alternative, mostly.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

No.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my left side, back to my window.

32. How big is your house?

Six rooms.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I don’t eat breakfast.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, I was very good at it.

36. Favorite clean word?

Shan’t.

37. Favorite swear word?

All of them.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Three weeks and counting.

39. Do you have any scars?

Yes.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yes.

41. Are you a good liar?

Yes.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I believe so.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yes.

44 has already been answered.

45. What is your favorite accent?

Spanish.

46. What is your personality type?

I can’t remember.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Toss up between my hundred dollar shoes and my seventy dollar leather jacket.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Outie.

50. Left handed or right handed?

Ambidextrous.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Yes.

52. Favorite food?

Chile/Chocolate mole.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Sushi.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean.

55. Most used phrase?

Well, that isn’t ideal.

56. Most used word?

Chill.

57. How long does it take you to get ready?

An hour at least.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Here’s the thing. I absolutely hate myself, but I’m trying to get better and in doing so have become a very vain person. So. . . kind of?

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

No. I hate my voice.

62. Are you a good singer?

I’ve been told I am, but I hate how I sound.

63. Biggest fear?

[REDACTED]

64. Are you a gossip?

Not usually.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

North by Northwest.

66 has already been answered.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

No.

68. Favorite school subject?

PC Repair.

69. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope.

71. What makes you nervous?

Everything. I have anxiety.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Yes.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Usually not.

74. Are you ticklish?

No.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

No.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yes.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Once.

79. Who was your first real crush?

My friend Kyle.

80. How many piercings do you have?

Six.

81. Can your roll your Rs?

Yes.

82. How fast can you type?

386 WPM.

83. How fast can you run?

A mile in sixteen minutes.

84. What color is your hair?

Purple and black (dyed), red (naturally).

85. What color are your eyes?

Green.

86. What are you allergic to?

Many things.

87. Do you keep a journal?

No.

88 has already been answered.

89. Do you like your age?

I suppose so.

90. What makes you angry?

Ignorance.

91. Do you like your own name?

Yes, I chose it myself.

92.Have you already thought of baby names?

No

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child?

Neither.

94. What are your strengths?

Reading, writing, eloquence, I’m very pretty.

95. What are your weaknesses?

[REDACTED]

96. How did you get your name?

I chose it myself.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No.

98. Do you have any scars?

Yes.

99. Color of your bedspread?

Brown, patterned with purple and brown butterflies.

100. Color of your room?

White, for now.

[spnsimpleman]

The Unknowns: Twenty Five

This is a continuation for The Unknowns.  A one-shot turned into a long ass Prologue.  One   Two   Three   Four   Five Six   Seven   Eight Nine   Ten  Eleven   Twelve   Thirteen   Fourteen Fifteen   Sixteen   Seventeen   Eighteen   Nineteen Twenty   Twenty-one   Twenty-Two   Twenty Three  Twenty Four

Dean x Psychic!reader

Teaser/Summary: An AU sparked from a songfic challenge, The Unknowns is based on Season One Episode Nine, Dean met reader in Lawrence as a child and they created an unbreakable bond. At the end of The Unknowns, reader decided to stick with her boys because she felt something coming but she holds secrets; one she holds close to her heart and a few that she doesn’t even really know yet.

Word count: 4250

The dark forest was suffocating. The tall, dark trees, skinny but reaching with hidden claws that ripped at my hair, arms, and shirt. I could only go so fast on treacherous ground but I couldn’t ignore the hissing laughter echoing around me or how the trees seemed to breathe.

I needed to get out of here, I needed to move faster. I needed to warn Sam.

A dark shadow raced across my path maybe ten feet in front of me. I veered hard in the opposite direction. A wooden fence came out of nowhere and the pain slammed into my thighs before I was airborne. I hit the ground hard and air was non-existent.

The heavens above me peeking through the trees shivered.

I needed to move! I didn’t have time for this but nothing was responding. I forced every ounce of energy to my muscles that wouldn’t respond. I needed to roll over, to get up, to move!

A face leaned in and those eyes… those damned eyes burned into me. “Sorry about that, Princess, but you just wouldn’t listen.”

Suddenly, I was upright in the middle of a field and he was standing in front of me. I tried to back up but my legs still wouldn’t respond. The yellow-eyed demon smiled and I grit my teeth. “I could make an exception for you.” He waved his hand and Sam was standing beside him, staring straight ahead, “you could be his Queen.” I growled and he laughed, waving his hand again. The image wavered. “You weren’t around back when Queens didn’t always fuck their kings. At least, not just them.” His smile widened with such a wolfish delight just before the entire scene changed and Dean appeared next to a familiar bed, his arm wrapped around me, his other hand diving into my pants as my head fell back.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to move away from the image, but I was still rooted to the spot. Moans echoed around me, sounds that were once just Dean and mine, but somehow he was perverting them.

I hummed loudly to clear the image, to ignore whatever the demon hoped to accomplish.    

Hot breath scraped against my cheek and ear, my skin crawled. I wouldn’t open my eyes. I wouldn’t give him anything. “I can make exceptions for you just because you’re so special. I’d let you keep them both. For a price.”

“For a piece of shit that’s been around so long, you don’t know a damn thing about us.”

Fingers dug into my cheeks and jaw then my face was jerked up. My eyes opened without my command and I stared into those disease riddled irises filled with an intensity I couldn’t fathom. “You will see. It takes your kind a little longer but it’ll come.” He lifted his wrist up in front of my face and the welling blood was far too bright in the dark. The stench stung my nose as he shoved it against my mouth, smashing my lips against the open wound, “just a few vitamins can go a long way, kid.”

I thrashed with everything in me, but I was still frozen with screams stuck in my throat as my body burned from the inside out.

I slammed against the ground, air knocked from my lungs. I jumped to my feet, thrusting my fist through nothing but air. I spun around searching for him, but the room slowly came into focus. I was still at Bobby’s. A soft cry shook out on an exhale. I touched my mouth and my cheeks as I rushed over to the mirror above the dresser.

Dry. Normal. My eyes were still bloodshot from the alcohol earlier. Pamela must’ve given me her own special hangover cure when she brought me to bed because my head wasn’t spinning. At least, not that kind of spinning.

A glimpse of the nightmare from last week, blood leaking out of Pamela’s mouth flashed in front of me. I covered my mouth as another whimper slipped out.

It wasn’t real.

It didn’t happen.

Just a dream.

Another nightmare.

I stared in the mirror reminding myself he held no power over me. “He can’t hurt me there… not in my dreams,” I whispered to my reflection. Deep down the fear shivered, lie, lie, lie.

A buzzing vibration made me jump unleashing another shaky cry. I glanced at the door, still shut. I crept over to the bed steeling myself for what could be on the line imagining a hundred thousand terrible things. I shook my head to erase the ridiculous notion of a phone call from the source of a nightmare.

My phone continued vibrating on the nightstand. Sam flashed in bold letters across the small screen and I forced a deep breath. I picked it up chiding myself as sat on the bed blowing out a long breath that was still too shaky.

I cleared my throat as I opened the phone, “hey.”

“I need help. I think you not being here is making it worse. If you had seen his face earlier tonight… he…”

“Sam, wait, slow down. What happened?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” I held the phone away and cleared my throat again before bringing it back, “just woke up from a... nap. Are you okay?” I held my breath through the empty space over the phone line.

“We bumped into this other hunter and he’s… something’s not right and Dean… he won’t listen to me right now.”

I released a breath and looked at the time on my phone. It wasn’t even that late, I had only fallen asleep a little over an hour ago. That rage I had felt earlier through the bond, had that really been just hours ago? “I’ll talk to him. I’m pretty sure I felt him.”

“I'm sorry for calling like this. I know it's…”

“Don't. Don't you ever apologize for calling me.”

“It's not fair to…”

“DONT!” I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did and I had to force another deep breath. “I don't care what's going on or how much you hate me, I will always be here when you need me. Always, Sammy.”

Another pause and my chest ached.

“I don't hate you.” He was so quiet.

I dropped my head into my hand, picturing that little boy who snuck into my room after a nightmare. Did he still have those nightmares? How had they changed over the years when we stopped talking about them? “I'm not so sure about that but it doesn't change the…”

“I don't. I could never hate you. I'm just…” he sighed.

The silence filled me with such an exquisite pain.  “You have every right to…”

“I love you, y/n. I will always love you, I could never hate you. I just… I'm angry. I always seem to have something to be angry about and being angry at you hurts.” His breathing stuttered, “it hurts so much but I can't erase it. I got your message earlier and I think you’re right about so many things but...”

I swallowed hard but the lump didn't budge, “some things can't be fixed.”

“But time can loosen it. Time can change it. I have to rely on that because I can't imagine losing you. I can't. I need you too much.” I covered my mouth but that fractured noise still squeaked out. “It will get better… I’ll find a way because I have to. I just need time.”

“I’ll be here no matter what, no matter how long.” Those yellow eyes flashed in front of my face and I squeezed my eyes shut thrusting it away.

“I know.”

The silence fell again and I wanted to say something but I didn’t have any answers.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“The thing with Sarah… when you were… you were trying to keep me from doing something I would regret, weren’t you?”

I tried to swallow the thickness in my throat even though nothing worked, “yeah.” It was too airy, too choked. It wasn’t right. It all felt so wrong.

“And when the demon had gotten into your head… you were afraid it saw Jess.”

It was so much more than that but yes! I opened my mouth but only a choked exhale broke free.

“It did. That’s why you froze and then lost it on the front lawn. I’ve been thinking about it. Going over everything you put yourself through for me. For her.” He sighed, “I could never hate you. Never.”

I covered my mouth as best as I could but I couldn’t stop the cries that smacked against it, or the air that escaped my nose and gave me away.

“Goodnight.”

I pulled myself together enough to whisper, “night, Sammy.”

I dropped the phone on the nightstand and grabbed my pillow to swallow the cries I couldn’t hold back. I rocked on the bed, terrified the tears would only make me fall back to sleep if I allowed myself to lay down and get comfortable.

I had to do everything possible not to fall asleep tonight. I’d wait until the sun was up. It’d be better once the sun was up. I had no proof for that but I didn’t care if it was a lie, I needed it just to be able to breathe.

When had it become so hard just to breathe?

~~

My days were becoming so predictable in such a heavy way. Read, eat, run, read, wash, pass out, and repeat. My late nights were spent with my cell phone clutched to my chest until it was pressed against my ear unless Dean was on a stakeout. Fortunately, most nights I fell asleep to Dean’s voice and woke to his goodnight texts.

I had yet to tell him about the nightmares. It couldn’t affect me in the real world, not through dreams, but I’ve had one a week for the last four weeks. At least those are the ones I can remember.

There was nothing about it in any of the old tomes I’ve been through. Nothing about the demon with yellow eyes or any prophecies ever actually being fulfilled. There was some old medieval lure about incubus and succubus but I didn’t believe for a minute the damned thing was trying to impregnate me.

Maybe for a few seconds. Every other hour.

The days stretched on forever and I still hadn’t found anything that lined up with the information that I did have.

Yellow eyes. A psychic army. Made of a bunch of demon babies.

Ridiculous. But what he said about kings… why was that dream so clear? Not one of them have been as vivid as that one.

If the dreams kept up their usual schedule, I was due for one in the next two nights.

I twisted in the kitchen chair, stretching my back as much as I could before scanning the books filling every open inch of the table. My eyelids heavy and my neck stiff, but I had no answers, no information that could fill in all the blanks.

There were so many blanks.

How could I help stop anything when I didn’t even know what I was looking for? My hope that I could stumble across something important if I only kept at it was dwindling with every pointless bit of knowledge I combed through, every ancient book that passed through my hands.

My head bobbed again and I put the book down on the table. I stretched my arms over my head and stood from the table. The coffee pot was empty, my mug perched in the tiny open spot on the table long past cold. I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes until spots burst against the backs of my lids.

Still no answers. No magic equation that would give me something to go off of.

The image of Mary staring up at me, the plea in her eyes, the pain. That night was not your fault. It was mine.

Had Mary gone through the same thing? Had the demon visited her in dreams… filled her womb with its blood and waited until a child was knit together in it? I pressed my hand to my stomach and thought back to the last time I had my period with agony scraping through my chest.

I shook my head viciously and shoved the thoughts away. I wasn’t late and I had been on birth control for far too long.

It was ridiculous. There’s no way Sam had anything like that in him. I thought of that sweet baby Sam and I had found through his vision. Rosie. Her mother didn’t look like someone plagued by dreams of insane demons feeding her blood.

Shame my mother ran out without even a goodbye to another safe house. She could’ve been a nice and easy distraction but then I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with any discussion anyway.

Poetic that she was the one slipping out while my back was turned this time.

“We need to get out of here.”

I jumped at Jess’s voice and released a harsh curse. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

She chuckled, dark and low, setting a shiver off down my spine, “you’re doing a fine job of that on your own.” She glanced at the coffee mug with a frown, “have you even eaten anything today?”

Ancient demon names swarmed my mind, but the one I sought so close like it was buried in the tip of my tongue. I shrugged and a tang filled my mouth. I gagged and grabbed the mug, ignoring the cold liquid as I swished it around to remove the filth.

It was all in my head. Just in my head. It was just a couple of nightmares when I’ve had so many others. I couldn’t let them affect me like this.

“Do you even know what time it is? Do you know why you’re so damn exhausted?”

I finally looked at her, the scowl that dug into her brows, her assessing gaze that made me feel too bare. I had no answer. I swallowed with some difficulty as I searched for my phone and then panic sliced through me, had someone called? Had something happened to give her that look? I jumped up, “Sam and De…”

She cut in as she stalked toward me, “are fine.” She passed by and opened the fridge, reached in, and pulled out the orange juice and a wrapped bowl of salad. She moved stiffly toward me again and dropped both on the books that I reached out to try to protect. “They will not wither but you already are. Sit and eat.” She turned back to the fridge and pulled out more items I couldn’t see. “I said sit.”

I dropped into the chair at the command laced in her voice. “Geez, Jess…”

“Eat.” She sighed, “please.” The fridge shut and she moved to the stove, pulled out a pan as I pulled the wrapping off the bowl of salad without taking my eyes off her. As if she felt my gaze still on her, she paused then took a deep breath and released every muscle in a smooth show of will, a wave of relaxation down her taut body. “You need to get out of your head, I think I’m going to truly lose it if you keep digging further into this hole.”

I snapped my gaze to the bowl, picked up the fork I didn’t even notice was there before, and stabbed into the greens before shoving them in my mouth. “I don’t know…”

She growled and I twisted toward her. She actually growled. She turned slowly and stared at me, things flashing across her face too fast but the fear, grief, and rage flared in my chest before disappearing under a blanket. She had gotten so strong during her months with Pamela and Bobby. “Have you even looked in a mirror recently? The dark circles under your eyes? The fatigue? If Dean were here, he’d probably be able to coax you out of it but I don’t know how! I’ve tried the easy way but you… it’s like you don’t even hear me! You’re draining yourself. Obsessing over that stupid prophecy, you’re jerking awake in the middle of the night from things you won’t mention, that you brush off as nothing.”

Maybe more than once a week, but those were the ones that felt real.

She frowned and waved her hand as I tried to interrupt, “don’t tell me you’re not, I’ve been here, present while you hide in those books.” She turned and pulled a knife from the block on the counter and dumped the chicken tenderloins on the cutting board. She started chopping, “I see the way your muscles tense and never release, the jumpiness, the goddamn weight on your shoulders even when you’re not reading. I know what you’re focusing on. You’re taking on so much that you had no control over!” The knife hit the counter with a snap and she turned, “admit it, you are obsessing so damn much about things that you’re not looking around you, you’re not present!” Her voice wobbled, her eyes misting, “you’re killing yourself and I can’t stand by and watch anymore. I may not have the magic to save you yet, but I can drag your ass out of this house with my own two hands.”

I stared at her, my mind completely blank for the first time in weeks. She spun around and threw the chicken in the pan that immediately sizzled. “I…” I cleared my throat and tried again, “I didn’t mean… shit.” I closed my eyes and felt for Dean’s hum, curling myself around it for some stable ground. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Neither do they but they’re out doing something. I think we should to. We can find cases, you could show me the ropes, anything to get out of this house that is becoming a tomb for you.”

I mulled it over as the kitchen filled with an aroma that made my mouth water. “A few easy cases, get some air, maybe stumble on something out there?”

“I was thinking… maybe we could track the gun. Pamela used a spell to check up on you. Maybe we could rig it to track the gun?” Her focus still on the pan in front of her and the ingredients she pulled from the cabinets. She worked as she meandered through her thoughts, “but… I don't know how we’d get something of the gun. She used her connection with you as a focus.”

I didn’t want to throw away her idea but the thought of the demon somehow finding out we were looking, about a possible visit in my dreams giving him something. I sighed, trying not to seem too invested, “the demon would never let us…”

“It’s better than sitting around here. You’re driving yourself insane between the guilt and fear and really how different is it than what the boys are doing? We’re all just chasing the wind but at least they’re doing something to occupy themselves. You were the one that told me you couldn’t focus on an unknown or you’d just go insane. So, let’s go shake a few trees, it’d be better than sitting around here waiting to crack. I can’t watch you… like this anymore.” She snapped the stove off, lifted the pan and dumped the chicken onto a plate, pouring the remaining sauce over it.

“Okay.”

Her head snapped up and she looked at me, “okay? We’ll go or track the gun?”

“Maybe both? But definitely hit the road. You frighten me, I’d like to see that directed out in the field at anything instead of me.” I managed a small smile even though a tiny part of me was terrified, but I had always wanted to hunt with her one day.

She grinned and brought the plate over to the table. I was able to move the books before she placed it down and then grabbed another fork and two glasses. She sat at the table and nudged the plate toward me. “You better eat most of this, seriously, you’ve missed two meals already. And no, those granola bars don’t count.”

I chuckled, shaking my head as I stabbed a seasoned chunk of chicken that looked delicious and smelled even better, “you and Sam were just made for each other.”

“Well, I can’t let his cheerleader waste away and I don’t even want to think how Dean would react.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed, “thank you for kicking my ass verbally instead of dragging me out of the house.”

She winked, “I can’t make that promise. It fully rests on you.”

~~

My bag was finally packed and I heaved myself on to the bed. Tomorrow morning we would leave and I’d finally have something else to focus on, some actual work to keep my hands and mind busy.

Falling into bed exhausted had been the plan for a week now and so far it seemed to be working. I grabbed the second pillow and held it against my chest. I closed my eyes and focused on the hum. “I miss you,” I whispered into the pillow.

It wasn’t even close to the truth. There wasn’t a word to describe the need, the yearning, the bone-deep pain that had lingered for weeks now. Something I couldn’t say out loud and just make the whole situation worse.

Every phone call only lessened it a bit. I could hear it in his voice, both what Sam had told me about and what I felt. John’s death was eating away at him, our distance didn’t help matters, and he was trying his best to deal with Sam’s feelings while also working through his own. And I couldn’t do a damn thing for either of them.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I reached out grabbing for it blindly. I finally got it and flicked it open as I brought it to my ear, “ello?”

“Hey sweetheart, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

I smiled, “just thinking about how much I miss you in my bed. This bed partner is just not cutting it in the satisfaction department.”

“What partner?”

“A very nice body pillow. Not quite as stiff as I like maybe.”

A warmth unfurled in my chest as his laughter made my skin tingle. “Hmm… you holding that pillow tight in your little underwear and tank top?”

“I still have my shorts and shirt on, sorry.”

“Mmm, that’s alright, I know how much you love the anticipation.”

I chuckled even though just the way he said it caused my body to react. “Damnit, too far.”

“I wish I was there too.”

“I know.”

“Any more feelings slipping through?”

I sighed, snuggling into the pillow more, “a few. Mainly anger though, or at least shades of it. I wish I knew how to help.”

We fell into silence and I pressed the phone tighter to my ear and listened to his breathing, pretending he was with me. A few minutes went by and I whispered, “Jess and I are leaving tomorrow. An easy case in Wyoming.”

“That’s good, get your hands busy.”

“Stop it.”

He chuckled, “what? That’s what you said to me the other night. Not my fault your head’s in the gutter. Of course, there was that other night...”

I barked out a laugh then sighed, “truth, give me the deep down dark of it.”

“I can’t stop thinking of where he is. That he’s there because of me. And that if he wasn’t there, you’d be...”

“He’s there because of the demon. He made a choice just like you were making a choice not to go because of me.”

“I know. I’d make a pretty shitty ghost. I’d be worse than that pillow that’s for sure and then our relationship would really go down the gutter.”

“I know it’s harder out there and I know this whole thing is just…” I blew out a breath looking for the right word.

“A giant clusterfuck of shit?”

“And I feel like the cause of it but I know I’m not. Why did it all have to blow up at the worst time? Why does it feel like the universe is just fucking with us on purpose?”

“Because we’re a good fuck?” I snorted and he laughed, “got ya.”

“I just… wish that one day we could… just be us and do something stupid like go on a double date. I’m not even being picky, a bar would be fine, you know? Just us and music, and a good time without… all the bullshit.”

“It’s a nice wish. I like it. And then Sam and Jess get their own way home and we get in baby and have some good old time fun.”

I groaned and warmth pooled in my chest before spreading outward. Tears sprung to my eyes as his joy caressed across my shoulders and down my arms. “That’s a neat trick.”

“What?”

“I felt that, your joy at the thought.”

“Oh, sweetheart that was more than joy.”

“Hmm, I see. Didn’t have the same effect over the distance.”

“I guess we’re just going have to work towards it, huh?”

Twenty Six

@duchessofwinchester , @jodyri , @jencharlan , @deanssweetheart23  @torn-and-frayed , @chrisatplay , @mogaruke, @captainemwinchester  , @ashrod98 , @mrswhozeewhatsis , @caitsymichelle13  , @escabell , @thealyana , @michellethetvaddict , @ashch , @rashinyx2002 , @tamtamlov 

[kinghoranshit]

This is Love (LT) Ch 20

Word Count: 2,376

Katie still peacefully slept. We decided to let her keep going because when she woke up, who knew how long it'd be before she slept again after hearing the news. Conor was still in emergent care, and we didn't know exactly what was happening with him. They wouldn't tell us, which was ridiculous I said. Niall was his father and should get to know. Also, Niall was pissin his pants freaking out.

"Niall, mate, would you sit down? Acting like this will not help," Louis stated, with a slightly harsh tone. He was tired.

Niall narrowed his eyes at him as he slowly paced. "Why don't you get some coffee, mate?"

Louis huffed. "Fine. Maddy, my love, you want anything?"

I smiled. "I'll take whatever. You do know what I prefer though."

He laughed lightly as he walked over and kissed my head. Then he was gone. He didn't ask Niall what he wanted, but I had a feeling he'd get him something anyways.

I cradled Daisy in my arms and was shocked at how quiet she'd been this entire time. There was a time she had began to fuss, but she just needed a feeding and diaper change. It was fine.

She stirred a bit, making some noises. I looked down at her with a surprise face. "Is someone awake?" Her eyes had only been open for a moment or two before closing again. She was a very tired baby at the moment. Dang.

"Niall, would you like to hold Daisy? She's a great stress reliever and relaxer."

He, actually, stopped and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I nodded silently. I got up from the chair and walked to hand her over to him. Naturally, his arms held her in a cradle way. He was very careful about it as he looked down at her. Her eyes reopened and she actually reached a hand up at him.

He laughed under his breath and held her hand between two of his fingers. "Hi, Daisy. Hopefully Katie and I have a friend for you to play with and become good friends. His name is Conor."

I laughed. "You know our kids are going to date in fifteen years, right?"

"Like Hell they are," Louis remarked as he walked back into the room with a carrier of coffees, and possibly tea.

Niall was still smiling now, bouncing Daisy a bit. "Honestly, Lou, would you want her to date any other lad? Though she could end up dating a lady."

I could see Lou think about it and then he shrugged. "I spose not. I don't want her dating at all."

I laughed and patted his shoulder as I took my drink from the carrier. "Love, she's going to be a heartbreaker. She's got our genes. May as well let it be the Horan boy, or possibly someone else."

"Ey!" Niall exclaimed.

Louis and I chuckled. Louis gave him a look. "She's just kidding. We have no control on what happens."

"Right." He nodded. "Maybe it'll be Conor who breaks the heart."

Louis look would've made me say what I said back right away. But not Niall. Niall just smirked.

"Just kidding. Like you said. No control of it."

There was a clearing of throat and someone slurred, "Control over what?"

Niall was quick to hand Daisy back to me and sat down next to Katie. "Nothing, Katiebabes. How you feeling?"

She nodded slowly, wiping her face. "I'm fine... How's the baby?"

Niall had a cautious look on his face. "Our son is still in emergent care. They wouldn't tell me anything else."

"Okay... I'm sure he's fine."

I agreed. "Yeah. You were premature and had the umbilical cord around your neck, right? You're fine, alive, and here."

She snorted. "Yeah. It might just be the Lee genes. Both bros were born early too, but I was the only one with the cord issue."

"He'll definitely tough it out then," Louis stated.

We all made small laughs.

***

"Kat, love, how's Conor?" I asked through the phone.

"He is doing great. He's gained the right amount of weight over the past month. Damn, I can't believe he's already a month old."

I made a short laugh. "Yeah. It's crazy."

"It is," she agreed. "Hey, Niall has to go into the studio and I heard Lou was going too. Want to meet up in town? Shop a little maybe? I'm keen for some new socks."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped me. "Keen for new socks, you say? Yeah, I'm down. Let me get Daisy and I put together and I'll text you."

"Sounds good," she replied. "See you soon."

"You too."

We both hit end and I tossed my phone on the couch. I stood up and went upstairs to get the two of us ready. "Daisy, we're going out with aunt Katie and nephew Conor."

I stopped myself short and shook my head. "I mean, just Conor." We're not actually related, but it still felt weird. Especially if they ended up dating.

I put myself in a pair of dark denim skinnies with brown rider boots and a floral long sleeve. I threw my hair up into a makeshift bun. I walked into Daisy's room and debated whether to change her clothes or not. I decided not to. She adorned a pale yellow onesie that said 'Daddy's princess' on it with a white tutu. I pulled on a pair of light pink socks and slip on shoes that looked like Adidas. You could guess who'd been doing Daisy's shopping lately.

I packed a diaper bag with the essentials before leaving to go downstairs with her. I balanced her in my arm with her head on my shoulder so I could get my phone, purse, and the keys. I'd gotten better and, luckily, I'd never dropped her.

I rested her down into the car seat and buckled her in. I made a surprise face. "Are you excited? We're gonna go shopping!"

She giggled with a smile on her face and kicked her legs. Alright. I think that was a yes.

I laughed and shut the door before getting into the SUV. Before I left, I remembered to text Katie. She was quick to respond and tell me to meet her at our coffee shop on the main strip. Sounded perfect to me.

I sang along to my Go Radio CD I had in from the last time I drove. Traffic was pretty thick today, but it still only took about twenty minutes. I decided to pay to park in an actual parking lot. I figured we were going to walk along here.

I tugged Daisy's stroller out of the trunk and set her up in with the diaper bag in the underneath compartment of it. I strapped my purse on and locked the car before heading over.

Katie sat at a table outside with a stroller beside her and two coffees on the table. She got up with a big smile on her face and opened her arms for a hug.

"God, it feels like forever. Really. What is stopping us from getting together?"

"Being moms? Taking care of our boyfriends?" I suggested with a laugh.

She laughed. "You're not wrong. I got you a caramel macchiato. That alright? You can always go in and get something else."

I batted a hand. "Katie, you know very well I'm going to drink it."

"Right."

I smiled and pushed Daisy's stroller to be on the inside of my chair so she was by the building and I could see her. Katie had done the same with Conor's.

"Okay, I have to say it, but you look freaking great today. Like damn, you're a hot mom," I stated, observing her outfit of a fitted, forest green sweater, light skinnies, and tan suede ankle height boots with an actual heel. Her hair was pulled back into a donut bun. I bet that's what she used.

She giggled. "Shut up. You look freaking adorable today."

I laughed. "So, what type of socks were you thinking?"

"You remember those like vintage, wool socks with the stripe trim I had a while ago, but lost on our way over here? I want to find another pair of those. I loved them and just miss wearing them. Especially with oversized shirts at night."

I smirked lightly. "Is this one of Niall's turn ons?"

She laughed and snorted really bad, then she laughed at her snort. She took a couple deep breaths before kind of laughing out, "Yeah.." She cleared her throat. "In all seriousness though, they are comfy, cute, and go with a lot of my fall and winter wardrobes."

I thought about. "Yeah, they do, and I think they'd go with mine. Even if not, I'm going to get a pair. What store do you think would have them?"

"I thought Regina might have them at her store. If not, Holland might have them. And if she doesn't, we'll just ask her where to go next."

"Alright," I stated, standing up, and getting situated with the coffee and stroller. "Let's do this."

***

"Six stores," I monotoned. "Six freaking stores, Katie, to find your stupid socks."

She blushed and giggled. "Sorry, but hey, you got some too. I can't believe they were only 3 euro."

I snorted this time. "I can't believe you bought every color they had and spent like 50 euro on socks. Actually, I shouldn't be so surprised. What do you think Niall's gonna say?"

She shrugged. "Probably nothing, I hope. I mean, it was only 50. Come on, we've got more shopping to do, and this time for Daisy and Conor."

"Whoa!" I pulled her to a halt. "We both know these two birds have enough clothes. I think we need more clothes."

"No." She shook her head, then smacked her forehead. "I spent 50 euro on socks and got sixteen pairs."

I smirked. "Don't matter. We're buying more clothes for ourselves. Let's go."

"Okay," Katie sighed.

We pushed our strollers and continued on. I noticed Katie checking her phone and, suddenly, she stopped. So I stopped as well.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I should be worried or not.

Her eyebrows were furrowed. "Fans are actually supporting us... Look." She handed her phone to me, which had Twitter pulled up. The hashtag '1DHotMoms' was going and it was a bunch of tweets saying they were glad we could get together, that we were out with the babies, and that they were adorable, cute, among other synonyms.

"Holy shit," I breathed. I looked at her to see she had a hand over her mouth. "What?... Katie... It might be time for the shop to get back."

She laughed. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Honestly, I think I'll wait until Conor is at least six months old before thinking about getting the coffee shop back up and running. The boys go back on tour soon and I would like to try spending the time I have left with them as much as possible. It'd be a good project to distract us while they're away."

I nodded and let out a breath. "Yeah, sorry, didn't know what I was thinking. We should wait too on what we've just witnessed. It could be a fluke."

Katie laughed. "Yeah. Come on. Let's get on with our journey." It was now Conor who made a crying sound and it grew louder by the second. Katie was calm as she picked him up and bounced him up and down.

"What? Are you hungry? Need a diaper change? Just getting tired?" I could see her check his diaper and she shook her head. "It's not that." She grabbed a bottle from her bag. "We need to find somewhere I can warm this up."

"Hold on. You stay here and I'll run down to the coffee shop. They'll warm it up. Mind watching Daisy?"

She handed it to me as she shook her head. "Of course not. Thanks, Mads."

I nodded and jogged down the street. I could still hear Conor fussing. Wow. Daisy had never gotten that loud. I was glad to see there wasn't anyone in line, so I hurried up to the cashier, who happened to be a friend of ours, Delilah.

"Hey, Delilah, could you please warm up this bottle? Katie needs it."

"Not a problem, love." She smiled, taking it, and popped the cap off to warm it up in the microwave. Twenty seconds later she handed it back to me with the cap back on.

"Thanks." I darted out of the shop and back down the street where Katie was still bouncing Conor. When she saw me, she switched Conor into a cradle style. I handed the bottle to her. She popped off the cover of it and set the soft tip up to his mouth. He gladly took it and started to drink.

"So, you're pumping now?" I asked, curious. I didn't realize it till now.

"Eh... Only when I know I have to be in town for long periods of time and this is only the second time I've done it. I had to make sure it was okay with the doc beforehand and if Conor was ready for it."

I laughed under my breath. "Obviously okay. That's smart. Never thought to do it, but she eats baby food in jars and those little Gerber snacks now."

"I can't wait until he's to that point. It gets exhausting this way."

"But I miss the nurturing feeling," I admitted.

Katie nodded. "Yeah, I guess I will too. Just sometimes when it's three in the morning, I wanna sleep instead of feeding him."

"I get that. I can't say I necessarily relate, but I get that."

Katie laughed lightly. Conor made some gurgling sounds so she pulled the bottle back. She babied, "Are you done? Is someone full and happy?"

I smiled when I heard his sounds of joy. She did a quick burp to make sure, then cleaned him up before settling him back in the stroller.

"Ready to shop for ourselves?"

"Yes," I replied with a smile. I was glad things were starting to work out for the better.

Next: Epilogue

[Masterlist]

[iwritestuffsometimes]

Chihuahuas Vs. Pit Bulls (Written By Anon Ace)

The second most memorable thing about the day James met Hunter was that it was also the first time he had ever been punched in the face. He was nine years old, and while walking to school, James spotted a bigger kid pushing around two smaller kids. His little brother and sister stopped to watch. James tried to get them going. He was going to be late- why his mother allowed them to walk on the first day, he didn’t know, but it was proving to be a mistake. His sister, wide-eyed and staring, pointed at where a boy, who was hardly bigger than she was, struggled with a kid almost twice his size while a girl from James’ class watched, crying. “Why?” His sister asked. James didn’t know. “Bigger kids do that sometimes,” He offered, and tugged on her hand. “C'mon, before it’s us.” “Can’t you help him?” This from his brother, who thought that because James could monkey his way to steal chocolate from the top shelf in the kitchen, he could do anything. The bigger kid now sat on the smaller boy’s chest, and started pushing his head into the concrete. The kid’s face was bleeding and his eyes were glazed, but he wasn’t crying. His little arms were still swinging up at the bigger kid, hands curled into small fists that pounded at the bully’s chest. The last thing James wanted was to get involved. He’d fallen down on the sidewalk before, jumping out of his apartment’s window because he thought he could fly. He’d cracked a tooth and broke his wrist. It hurt. The last thing he wanted was to get beat up on purpose. But he looked at his brother and sister, at their total faith in their big brother’s abilities, and found himself thinking about what he would do if it was one of them. Before he knew it, he was across the street and diving on top of the big bully with his eyes closed so he didn’t have to see his own beatdown coming. He lashed out blindly in the bully’s general direction. He felt his own small knuckles come away bloody. The bigger kid socked him right in the eye, threw him on the ground and gave him one good kick before he ran away, deciding- James thought- that five kids was more trouble than two. The breath came back into James’s body before the smaller kid recovered his, so he helped him up- squirming in discomfort when the kid leaned on him, red-faced and gasping. “What were you doing?” James asked him, when the kid finally let go of him to brace himself on the nearest wall. “He was trying to take Liz’s lunch,” the kid gasped, clutching his skinny chest like his heart would burst if he let go. “I gave him mine, but he still wouldn’t leave her alone.” James looked at the kid, and couldn’t believe that someone would ever give away food without a beating first, let alone fight so hard for someone else’s that he takes the beating anyway. He cast a look at the girl named Liz, who was holding her lunch like a bomb that might go off at any second. “Your brother?” he asked. She shook her head. “I never talked to him before.” James looked back at the kid. “Serious?” He nodded. His breathing was starting to calm, but his face was starting to go from red to bruised, and there was blood dripping from a cut on his head. James wiped at it with his sleeve. “I’m James,” he said. “Hunter,” the kid answered. When they got to school, James found out that Hunter was actually his own age, and they would be in the same class. He found that out when he got assigned to look after him when Hunter insisted he didn’t need to go home. James guessed he got the job because-bruised and bloody and holding onto to each other so Hunter doesn’t fall over- they look like friends. James gave him half of his own lunch. II. James poked his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he positioned the container of ice over the plastic bag, concentrating hard so he didn’t miss the opening. He missed the opening twice, and he had to chase the cubes around the kitchen floor before managing to scoop them up in a towel. He held the mass to Hunter’s fat, bleeding lip. “What happened this time?” he asked. He didn’t know why he bothered. The answer was nearly always the same: Chuck Gardner picking on some girl. That’d been the answer since they were nine. James didn’t know if it was girls or Chuck that made Hunter forget every time that he was barely the size of an eleven-year-old even at fourteen. Or that the whole four times he’d won a fight with Chuck were all when James was there to step in and finish it. Predictably, Hunter said, “Chuck grabbed Chloe Miller’s–” He couldn’t seem to find a word he was comfortable saying, so he mimed a breast instead, his face flushing with heat all the way to his neck. James pressed the inside of his wrist against his forehead with a sigh. “And it never makes a difference to you that he’s bigger than you?” He asked. “You know he’s bigger than you, right? He doesn’t, say, look smaller than he is with your glasses off?” Hunter’s glasses were broken by Chuck in the first week of school that year, and another pair hadn’t managed to materialize. “No, I know he’s bigger,” Hunter says. “That doesn’t make it okay to walk on by.” And that’s Hunter all over, James thinks, with exasperated fondness. “Do you think you could maybe get me first before you jump in next time?” James asked. Hunter did his best to smile at him around the towel. Smiling must’ve hurt, though, because he winced. “You were too far away,” Hunter said. James shook his head. “So I’m just going to have to watch you all the time. I see how it is.” “I don’t have to be watched all the time,” Hunter said, frowning. Somewhere up there with Hunter’s notions of chivalry was his sense of pride, irked by the idea of his best friend being his babysitter. Sometimes, James would prod him on this, tease Hunter until he actually got mad. He learned that all that accomplished was making Hunter avoid him for a few days, resulting in more fights without any help. He made a joke of it instead. “No, just any time Chuck’s on the same block as a girl.” Hunter smiled again, paying no mind to how much it hurt. “Maybe someone should be watching him.” James laughed. “Maybe.” (Chuck got cancer and moved to a bigger town a year later. James’s mother slapped him for saying he’s thankful, and then God got his licks in, too: new big blockheads sprung up jockeying for position of Bully-In-Chief.) III. James hit Hunter once, and only once, in the entire course of their friendship. On a day so hot, it felt like you could bake cookies on the pavement, Hunter got into another brawl for the honor of a girl he barely knew, a girl he only barely talked to afterwards because for reasons beyond James’s understanding. Hunter didn’t seem to actually be in it for the girls. He didn’t want their admiration of his bravery and honor, despite his obvious disadvantages. He wanted the bravery and honor itself. To be the kind of person who would do things to try and turn the tide in an unfair fight, just because somebody should. Maybe it was his way of dealing with the fact that he was small and non-athletic, of trying to find something in himself that was bold and strong. Maybe it was because he was particularly sensitive to the agonies of the persecuted. James never asked. What he did know was that, after he’d managed to punch out three guys that Hunter stupidly took on at once, years of frustration get the better of him. He let fly his fist and gave Hunter a good one, knocking him down to the ground in one hit. Hunter stared up at him, just as shocked to have received the blow as James was to have given it. James felt sick. In a burst of pain and guilt and nausea and old anger all swelling to the surface, James let go of words he’d held back for years: “You’re not some noble knight on a mission to defend fair Breaux Bridge from her enemies, Hunter. You’re five feet six. You’re a Chihuahua, man. You’re frickin’ small, but you think you’re a Pit. It’s gotta stop ‘cause I can’t keep beating up everyone for you.” “I know,” Hunter said. “I know.” James stood still, seething. What more could he say? You’re not a hero. I know. Case closed. Conversation over. James reached down and helped Hunter to his feet for the millionth time in sixteen years. This time, he received a punch to the shoulder for his trouble. He was so surprised by it that he stumbled into the street. A car blared its horn at him as it swerved to avoid him. James leapt back onto the sidewalk, startled and shaken.  Hunter smirked. “You know you deserved that, right?” The combined impact of the last twenty minutes hit James all at once, so that all he could do was go limp and laugh. “Yeah,” He said. “I know.” Hunter draped his arm around his shoulders and walked him down the street. James wondered what he was going to do with him.

[narobnika]

Friends, Experiences and Character in The Catcher in The Rye and Into The Wild

    Friendships and experiences have an important part in a person’s character development. People find their character as they grow and their experiences, like the friends they make and the adventures, events they go through, shape this character as they seek identity and start understanding themselves. This quest for self understanding usually begins in the teen ages as the innocent children are transitioning into the complicated world of adults where they’re exposed to every part of life, be it good, joyful, or grim and evil. Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in The Rye is a sixteen year old boy from prep school who has cynical views about the adults around him (“phony”) and lacks introspection, and he gains valuable experience, changing his character in some regards in the end of his story. In a much more massive quest, Christopher John McCandless from Into The Wild begins his adventure and his ambitious “great odyssey” into the wild to understand himself and get away from the modern society he dislikes and he gains tremendous experience and self-understanding but this expedition proves fatal for him in the end. Both of these characters have many common and contrasting points in themselves and their stories but both of them have a common point in that, they both see and understand things in and around them better and gain new insights on life and develop their characters with the people they meet and the experiences they gain. They are both critical of the people and their surroundings throughout both books. On the other hand, it can be argued that the adventures of these two characters were unnecessary and foolish and their ideas were not reasonable.

   The character of a person shapes the friendships, thoughts and relations of that person. Holden Caulfield has a cynical view of the world and the people around him, and he disgusts adults and others of his age, holding adulthood equal to “phonyness”, and the only people that he likes in his story are children because of their innocence and kindheartedness. Because of his disgust for adulthood, Holden is stuck in a state where he is not innocent like a child and is aware of what is going on around him, and yet, growing up and becoming an adult -which means becoming “phony” to him- is something he dreads. Because of this hate, he can never make any real friends. In The Catcher In The Rye, Holden criticizes the society and the people around him, especially adults, calling them “phony”. He does not like the image of a ‘good career’ that the society has created and finds the desires of adults and teens of his age foolish and pointless:

    “It’s full of phonies, and all you do is study so that you can learn enough to be smart enough to be able to buy a goddam Cadillac some day, and you have to keep making believe you give a damn if the football team loses, and all you do is talk about girls and liquor and girls and sex all day, and everybody sticks together in these dirty little goddam cliques. The guys that are in the basketball team stick together, the Catholics stick together, the goddam intellectuals stick together, the guys that play bridge stick together. Even the guys that belong to the goddam Book-of-the-Month Club stick together. If you try to have a little intelligent-”

    Both Holden and McCandless share a common point, they sometimes criticize people, although those of McCandless not as pronounced as Holden’s rants that are found all throughout the book. With his thoughts Holden feels isolated from the people around him, and he never spends as much energy and words for anything else as he does for criticizing the people he meets. But, it can be argued that, Holden is far from being near-perfect himself and he even has some of the characteristics that he hates others for. Interestingly, one of the reasons why Holden feels so isolated is his own thoughts and heavy judgment of others around him. For example, Holden feels lonely so he calls Sally and arranges a date with her. He likes Sally when she first appears but he immediately criticizes her once she speaks, “She had one of these very loud, embarrassing voices when you met her somewhere. She got away with it because she was so damn good-looking, but it always gave me a pain in the ass.” After this, Holden again spends a lot of words criticizing a friend of Sally called George. It’s impossible to miss the tens of criticisms Holden makes about the people he meets. Sometimes, Holden goes over the top with the criticism, and he ruins every chance he gets at making friends, when he needs them so badly. Holden starts a deep conversation with Sally when they sit down for a drink, and in the end, he ruins his friendship with her and pushes her away when he says “You give me a royal pain in the ass, if you want to know the truth.”

    On the other hand Chris McCandless was usually very friendly with the people he met, as Jan Burres, a woman Chris befriended during his hitchhiking and travelling, tells:

    “He had a good time when he was around people, a real good time. at the swap meet he’d talk and talk and talk to everybody who came by. He must have met six or seven dozen people in Niland, and he was friendly with every one of them. He needed his solitude at times, but he wasn’t a hermit. He did a lot of socializing. Sometimes I think it was like he was storing up company for the times when he knew nobody would be around.”

    Chris definitely knew how to have fun with people around him, even played the organ and sang in “the Slabs”: “He had an amazing voice. He drew quite a crowd. Until then I never knew he was musical.”, says Jan Burres. This is unlike Holden, who is the source of his own alienation and loneliness because of the way he sees people, and because he can not accept people with their deficiencies. He also lacks the pronounced friendly, soothing, colorful character of McCandless, although Holden could also be more friendly and cheerful as well, if he gets over his cynicism, because he can be very caring and loving towards, and have good relationships with the people he loves, such as Phoebe.

    Holden and McCandless are both inspired and affected by the people they meet. The character of a person shapes the friendships and the friendships shape the character of the person, they shape each other! Chris questions the people around him and has his ideas and inspirations, and the ideas and books of his favorite writers also inspire him: Henry David Thoreau, Tolstoy, Jack London are the main ones he is inspired by. A passage that moved him after he finished Tolstoy’s “Family Happiness” is noticeably similar to McCandless’ ideas when he begins his adventure in Alaska, on the Stampede Trail. McCandless was seeking peace, introspection, self discovery, happiness, excitement, wanting to chase his dreams in the wild.

    “I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor - such is my idea of happiness. …”

    Alex takes the “secluded life in the country” to the next level by going into the Alaskan bush, and he becomes friends, helps and works for the people he meets on his trips, who he loves. He is inspired by the many “leather tramps”, which leads to him adopting a new fictional name for himself, “Alex Supertramp”. McCandless is inspired by these and other similar people who live on the cheap, hitchhike, such as the people in “the Slabs”, where he goes with Jan Burres and her boyfriend Bob, whom he meets while hitchhiking and is also inspired by. He finds the ‘rest’ in nature, who is also his literal and emotional neighbor that he has great love for. However, as some others who learned about Chris McCandless’ story called his actions “foolhardy”, and that it was a stupid idea to try to overcome the Alaskan bush in the winter with the little equipment he had. Jim Gallien, who drove Chris into Denali National Park, to the driveable beginning of the Stampede Trail, tells about McCandless’ mistake:

    Gallien thought the hitchhiker’s scheme was foolhardy and tried repeatedly to dissuade him: “I said the hunting wasn’t where he was going, that he could go for days without killing any game. When that didn’t work, I tried to scare him with bear stories. I told him that a twenty-two probably wouldn’t do anything to a grizzly except make him mad, Alex didn’t seem too worried. ‘I’ll climb a tree’ is all he said. So I explained that trees don’t grow real big in that part of the state, that a bear could knock down one of them skinny little black spruce without even trying. But he wouldn’t give an inch. He had an answer for everything I threw at him.”

    McCandless is very determined at going into the harsh Alaskan wild, and this can be credited to two reasons. He has been in such deep love with the nature, that he could not wait to go into the wild, or, again, because he loved nature and the wild so much, that he thought they would not hurt him with perhaps a childish innocence. This is similar to a man falling in love with a woman so badly, that he never even expects the woman to ever betray and hurt him since in his eyes she is ‘perfect’, and is devastated when this happens. Wayne Westerberg, who was a good friend Alex and who gave Alex a job in Carthage tells:

“…Used a lot of big words. I think maybe part of what got him into trouble was that he did too much thinking. Sometimes he tried too hard to make sense of the world, to figure out why people were bad to each other so often. A couple of times I tried to tell him it was a mistake to get too deep into that kind of stuff, but Alex got stuck on things. He always had to know the absolute right answer before he could go on to the next thing.”

   Holden and McCandless have some key differences in the friend-making department, so the people they meet that shape their character are quite different most of the time.

    Holden and McCandless are contrasting in terms of friendliness and socializing, but they share a common point in that they are both thoughtful and make criticisms and comments about people and their surroundings. Chris was sullen and moody when he was thoughtful and questioning, which seems to happen at times when he starts thinking deeply and questioning life, people and even fundamental values of life. Chris was deeply upset when he learned about the “double life” of his father Walt, learned that he even had a child with his ex wife Marcia two years after Chris was born, as understood from what his sister Carine says:

“ “Chris was the sort of person who brooded about things,” Carine observes. “If something bothered him, he wouldn’t come right out and say it. He’d keep it to himself, harboring his resentment, letting the bad feelings build and build.” That seems to be what happened following the discoveries he made in El Segundo.”

    However, when compared to Holden’s comments about people and the reasons why he hates many of them, Chris has some true reasons to actually brood and criticize his parents. His father has made some great mistakes as a younger man and they can surely be hard to forgive and get over. However, it can be said that after so many years, getting over them like the rest of his family could have done good for him psychologically. Holden Caulfield also has times when he is moody and perhaps he has gone too far with his ‘innocent children becoming phony adults’ fantasy, when he tells Phoebe about this:

    “Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff - I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy.”

  *Holden has these interesting and sometimes, unreasonable ideas, and he is almost always calling everyone phony, but he changes towards the end.*

     At the end of the book where Phoebe rides the Carousel is the only part where he is actually happy for the first time. “I felt so damn happy all of a sudden, the way old Phoebe kept going around and around. I was damn near bawling, I felt so damn happy, if you want to know the truth. I don’t know why.” This is one of the most important moments in the book, because Holden has changed from all the experience he had, criticizing and ranting about people and things for the previous 24 chapters, now he has had a psychological revolution inside him, and he is truly starting to mature. Johnson Christopher McCandless has this as a common point with Holden, because he learned so much from his experiences and he too, has changed and started to accept life after rebelling against it in a way by going into the wild. He was planning to return, even though he didn’t make it:

    “Satisfied, apparently, with what he had learned during his two months of solitary life in the wild, McCandless decided to return to civilization: It was time to bring his “final and greatest adventure” to a close and get himself back to the world of men and women, where he could chug a beer, talk philosophy, enthrall strangers with tales of what he’d done. He seemed to have moved beyond his need to assert so adamantly his autonomy, his need to separate himself from his parents. Maybe he was prepared to forgive their imperfections: maybe he was even prepared to forgive some of his own. McCandless seemed ready, perhaps, to go home.”

    As a conclusion, I trıed to show how the two characters examined change throughout the story and gain new understanding of everything including themselves, and to provide some insight into these character’s personalities. One is Holden Caulfield, a prep schoolboy that has failed many schools and has cynical views about everything, who shows change in the end when he manages to see the good side of things for the first time, watching Phoebe. The other is Chris McCandless, who is an intelligent young man that graduated from Emory, goes on an adventure to understand everything and himself, and find peace, that sadly ends with his death, but Chris too, changes noticeably, maturing and starting to accept what he had been hating and forgiving the mistakes of people. Both of these characters have bad experiences along the way, but ultimately, both gain so much from their adventures that they would not be the same without them.

Citation(s):

Salinger, JD. The Catcher in the Rye. New York: Little, Brown and

Company, 1951

Krakauer, Jon. Into The Wild. New York: Anchor Books, 1997

[actualteammom]

Thirty questions tag!

tagged by @summer-seoulstice. Thank you!

one. how tall are you?

i’m fairly short at 5′3′’.

two. what color and style is your hair?

my hair is currently blonde with blue and green on an underneath layer. it’s medium length with natural waves.

three. what color are your eyes?

hazel

four. do you wear glasses?

yes, if i’m not wearing contacts

five. do you wear braces?

no, but i did in middle school

six. what is your fashion style?

skinny jeans and oversized sweaters. basically anything that is loose fitting and comfortable.

seven. any freckles/moles/beauty marks?

i have very faint freckles that don’t even really count as freckles and i have a lot of moles all over my body

eight. when were you born?

i was born in may

nine. how old are you?

i’m 19, turning 20 this year

ten. where do you live?

i live in iowa

eleven. do you have siblings?

one younger sister

twelve. do you go to school?

i’m currently studying english and creative writing

thirteen. what kind of student are you?

the worst kind: lazy, puts everything off until the last minute, not really motivated despite liking my major

fourteen. what are your favorite tv shows?

i really like Oh My Venus, Teen Wolf, Sotus, Hwarang, White Christmas, Brooklyn Nine Nine

fifteen. favorite past time?

listening and singing along to music, hanging with friends, baking/cooking, reading

sixteen. what is your dream job?

i want to be a writer than makes an good influence on people

seventeen. would you like to get married one day?

i guess, i’m not against it, but it’s not something i look forward to

eighteen. would you like kids one day?

100%

nineteen. girly girl or tomboy?

in this case, i’m more of a tomboy

twenty. do you like shopping?

i avoid it whenever i can

twenty-one. what countries have you visited so far?

Canada, France, St. Kitts (Caribbean)

twenty-two. what’s the scariest nightmare you’ve had?

this is going to sound stupid, but when i was like four or five i dreamt i was stuck in a cave with rudolph and his family with a moose that had a cold and i was so scared of getting sick that i woke up crying and had to sleep next to my parents. just so you know this was around christmas time. rudolph didn’t just suddenly appear for no reason

twenty-three. do you have enemies?

?? i don’t think so ??

twenty-four. do you have a significant other?

no T-T

twenty-five. if not, do you want one? eventually?

of course

twenty-six. are you open about your feelings?

*kicks bottles under the bed* yes

twenty-seven. what’s your family like?

they’re very loyal, kindhearted and openminded even though we can be quite stubborn and insensitive sometimes

twenty-eight. would you date someone your family didn’t approve of?

it really depends on what they disapprove. my family and i have very similar thoughts on dating, so most likely i wouldn’t

twenty-nine. any pet peeves?

when someone doesn’t listen or interrupts me, people who don’t take into account other people’s feelings, people who litter, people who smoke in bad settings, telling me to calm down when i’m not upset, people who can’t understand personal boundaries

thirty. do you believe in astrology?

not really, but i believe that if someone believes in what the astrology says an acts on it in a positive way it’s belieavable

tagging: @jinkernoodle, @candradm, @gyushu-a, @verhoon, @the-fire-breathing-turtle, @tae-smile, @ik0nic-hanbin, @jouleia, @uniqs-topp