#sketchy restaurants

[siristaci]

I need to tell y'all about this Mongolian barbeque place in my city that was... something special.

But first, a little about me. I hate trying new things, had a really bad immune system (I promise that's relevant), have a hard time processing accents that makes talking to people with heavy accents anxiety-inducing, and another thing I was going to point out but can't remember right now. Hopefully I'll remember before posting this and amend it.

It's been closed for a few years, so you also need to keep in mind that my memories of this place are, at most recent, about 8 years old.

Y'all. Once I was finally convinced to try this place (about 17 years ago), I fucking loved it. Went as often as I could afford.

There were always only two people running the place- an Asian woman, who acted as the host/waitress/cashier and spoke just enough heavily-accented english to get by, and an Asian man, who was the cook and spoke even less english.

The place was dark and dirty. There's not a chance in hell it ever passed health inspections. The back corner of the dining area was difficult to see from the front (impossible when you first walked in and were day-blind) and no dining customers were ever sat there. There were, however, usually at least a couple of businessmen looking guys sat there who, if they spoke to each other at all, were too quiet to be heard from just a few tables away. They were rarely eating; just sitting there doing idk what. I didn't look often nor long because I just had this overwhelming feeling that it was best not to pay too much attention to them.

When you arrived, the woman would chat with you about what's been going on in your life since she last saw you (she had an excellent memory, even remembering me a few years since the last time I'd been there) as you were seated at booths whose seats no longer had functional springs and asked what you want to drink. You had to ask what drinks they had, since there was no menu. And no sign saying how much anything cost at all.

The food was set out in a buffet style. You'd load up a bowl with meat, veggies, and sauce, and hand it off to the guy, who would cook it and give it back to you. How long had the food been sitting out? Who knows? I went at various times of the day and never saw anything get refilled.

But the food was good, and I never got sick, despite the aforementioned terrible immune system. It was a tad pricey, but definitely a worthwhile treat.

After it closed, I was heartbroken and needed to find a replacement. I went to reddit to see if anyone had any recommendations. Or any idea why it had closed. Sure, it never had many customers at any given time. I think the most tables filled (by dining customers anyway) at once was 3 out of the maybe 12 available. But that had been the case for the 15 years I'd been going. Declining patronage couldn't be the answer.

I couldn't find a ton of references to the place; just a handful of posts asking the same questions I was. Any good replacements? And what happened?

But the responses were many. A few comments recommending the same three places. A lot of people sad to learn that it was closed or reminiscing about how good it was and how long it had been there- while most experiences had the same negative things to say as I did (health code concerns and a wariness of the men in the back), nearly everyone agreed that it had been a great place.

And there was a universally agreed-on theory that it had been a money-laundering scheme that was no longer needed.

Ah. Yeah, that makes sense, actually.

But here's the funny part. Recently, another post reminded me of this place. And I wanted to read those reviews again, but I didn't want to use reddit because, well.

So I just googled it. It's hard to find any reference to it at all since it's closed, never had a website, and it's name was similar to a national (maybe global? I don't care enough to look it up) fast food chain. All I could really find were old Yelp reviews.

Nobody on Yelp liked this place.

There were only two good reviews. One was just the same "LOVE this place! GREAT food and great atmosphere! Other things in all caps and lots of exclamation marks!" you see everywhere, and the other was this.

Y'all

Anyway, I just find it funny that everyone- myself, the people I introduced it to, the people I know who already knew of it, reddit, and yelp- all had pretty much the same experience, but reddit (and the people I know)- who all agreed it was sketchy all around- loved it and yelp- who only had health code concerns- hated it.

[critterofthenight]

when you get so lost that you start to think that you must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a different dimension

[scudmcphuck]

Scud and A Basket of Fries - 2020(?) - Micron 01 Red Pen and Micron 005 Black Pen on Bristol Paper

[nightphoebe]

"On the Razzle" by Tom Stoppard, PBS Great Performances, Royal National Theatre, 1981

[homunculus-argument]

If I had more money than I'd ever spend in a lifetime, I'd spend my life operating a pizzeria at a loss. Something with the slogan of "it ain't italian but you're hungry" - and a statement of how this is not authentic italian pizza because the owner's estranged aunt's italian ex-husband would not serve pizza in his italian restaurant because as far as he was concerned, a pizza is the "just throw that shit together" dish that you make out of leftovers, and he would not serve that to paying customers even if they wanted it. True story btw.

But I'd just like to run a place where the staff is allowed to tell rude customers to fuck off. And if they're scared to do that, they can summon me downstairs to do it myself (this fantasy involves having my own apartment upstairs of the restaurant), because you don't fucking disrespect my staff like that. Develop a reputation as a place where You'd Better Act Yourself or you get nothing, which elevates the quality of the food in peoples' minds because it's human to assume that more work=more worth, and if a pizza place can afford to simply throw rude customers out, that clearly must mean that the food is just that good that going back is worth it anyway.

Hiring enough people to get the work done in a leisurely pace and occasionally have the time to chat with each other or customers. You just do the job I gave you in the time I gave you, don't steal anything and don't watch porn off your phone anywhere where the customers can see you, you're good. Don't care if you quit school at 16 if you can still mop floor. Don't care if you've been to prison because you killed some guy, as long as you're not doing that here. Don't care if you deal drugs on your free time as long as you don't bring your business to your day job. This place is exclusively for pizza business.

Have an item on the menu called "random pizza" - and if you order that one, they'll just throw in a mix of whatever ingredients we've got too much of, like if the bell peppers gotta be used before they go bad, every single random pizza is going to have them until they're either gone or need to get tossed. If you've got dietary restrictions or allergies, you gotta specify that while ordering, because other than that, random pizza is just whatever ingredients we need to get rid of. Surplus ingredients du jour.

Building a reputation as a place that's somehow simultaneously sketchy as hell but also remarkably high quality, getting five star restaurant customer service from a waiter with blue hair and stick-n-poke tattoos, there's a homeless guy at the back of the kitchen eating an order that nobody picked up, every surface is spotless and no matter how important of a suit-and-tie you are, if you won't behave yourself the owner will personally physically fight you.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Coolest part about living right near downtown is I can walk there in 2 miles/45 minutes.

Downside of this is I'm extremely asthmatic and it's all hills out here and cold weather makes it worse and the temp dropped from 43 (bad, but not awful on my lungs) to 36 (really, really uncomfortable) between the time I purchased books and ate my lunch and the time I was heading back.

[six-of-ravens]

listen, skip the dishes...this might be the oddest menu item I've seen yet

[ba9go]

guard dog katsuki

katsuki being protective of you when you wear a short dress out on a date with him

bakugou katsuki x fem!reader (sfw) just a teensy bit suggestive but mostly fluff

katsuki loves it when you dress up on dates.

partially because you’ve dolled yourself up for him, doing your hair all nice and spritzing that damn perfume that katsuki’s addicted to. but even more so because he loves it when his girl’s feeling all pretty and confident. as you should, always.

it’s a friday night and katsuki’s picking you up from your place to bring you out to a really nice restaurant for dinner. it’s been a long, tiring week, and you’re a real sight for sore eyes, in that little black dress that sits tight on all your curves.

it’s gorgeous on you. you look absolutely ravishing in it (and katsuki has every intention of ravishing you later tonight), so really, katsuki has no complaints about the dress.

but god, katsuki hates the way these extras are looking at you.

katsuki glares at every guy who walks past you with their eyes clearly glued to you. as if his arm isn’t wrapped securely around your waist. as if it wasn’t already clear that you belong to him.

“katsuki, you okay?” you ask, looking up at him sweetly. “you’ve been kinda quiet.”

“my bad,” katsuki mutters, but he doesn’t meet your gaze. he’s busy staring down some depraved fucker who’s shamelessly staring at your ass from across the street. “m’listenin’, jus’ keep talkin’.”

but you’re not dense, and you quickly realise that katsuki’s irritated by all the unwanted attention you’re receiving.

“sorry, kats,” you grimace as you pull down your dress in an attempt to make it seem more modest. “i left my jacket in your car, i should’ve taken it with me to the restaurant.”

“you cold?” katsuki asks. you shake your head. “then what d’ya need your jacket for?”

“to cover up a lil.”

“why? ya not feelin’ comfortable?” katsuki asks almost demandingly, like an overly concerned parent, and you can’t help but laugh.

“i’m okay, katsuki, but i feel bad. you’re like my guard dog, glaring at every sketchy guy we walk by. this wouldn’t be a problem if—”

“if people weren’t freaks,” katsuki finishes for you. “s’got nothin’ to do with you, darlin’. you look beautiful tonight, as always.”

“thank you, katsuki.” you smile. katsuki tightens his arm around you and looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky tonight.

“i got you covered princess.”

katsuki does indeed have you covered. a drunk guy asking for your number almost knocks into you and proceeds to get kicked to the curb by katsuki.

BONUS:

“hey, dollface! can i get your number?”

“hey, fucker, want mine instead?” katsuki snaps so quickly you have to hold back your laughter.

“woah there, buddy, calm down!”

“this is me being calm, dipshit. can’t you see my girl’s holdin’ my hand right now? that’s the only thing keeping me from going over there and fucking you up, so you’d better hightail it out of here before i kill you for even thinkin’ that trash like you could ever deserve a chance with my gi—”

“katsuki, enough. he’s already running away, see?”

“…yes, ma’am.”

“good. thanks for being such a good dog, ‘suki.”

“the fuck did you just call me?! …not in public, dumbass.”

say “woof” katsuki! 🦴

taglist (thank you for your support!!): @anicaaa67 @maddietries @valeriyaaak @v3n7s @deimosjay @zaiban2989 @girls-overflower @notmeduhh @dreamcastgirl99 @busdriver-move-that-ass @atashiboba @kathsuhki @armeenix @channnee @sukunasbottomlefteyeball @kenqki @vikizzy @thesimpybitch @eempxth @hanta-seros-wifey @itztaki @thekidscallmebosss @crimsonrubie @babylambdietcoke @suki0 @dazqa

[daycourtofficial]

In his sheets

Pairing: Azriel x reader | WC: 1.9k | warnings: brief sexual language

Summary: Azriel is quite smitten with you, a fact he doesn’t want to confront until he overhears an intimate moment between you and his brother

Azriel strolled through the House of Wind, the chill of the halls raising the hair on his arms. He had several plans for the day - the biggest one was to search for Solstice gifts. He went over the list of gifts in his mind, half of his family’s gifts accounted for. He had already gotten gifts for Rhys and Feyre, he had picked up nail jewels for Mor, and something for Amren that the sketchy fae who sold it to him had warned ‘not to look at directly’. But he had yet to pick up gifts for you and Cassian. 

There were still a few weeks before Solstice, but if Azriel didn’t have his gifts ready at least three weeks in advance, it made him spiral with nerves and anxiety, causing him to bring gifts of lesser quality. 

And Azriel hated losing at anything, even gift giving.

The only ones left to buy for were you and Cassian. He could stroll the streets and vendors of Velaris this afternoon, finding the perfect gifts for you and Cassian before dinner. 

The two of you had plans to meet for dinner out in Velaris - you insisting Azriel had to try this new restaurant with you, and Azriel taking any chance he could to bask in your warmth.

His long legs carried him through the halls, halting when he heard your sweet voice through a doorway. He paused outside of your room, the sound of delicious moans coming from your mouth. 

He felt his pants tighten, his shadows start pawing beneath the door, wanting desperately to take a peak. o, Azriel wouldn’t violate your privacy like that. He yanked the shadows back, watching them pull as if they were on a lead. No, he’d stand outside your room just listening to you touch yourself.

Because that was better. 

He shook his head, shaking the arousing pictures from his head, the hope that maybe you were thinking of him. He picked up one of his feet, not wanting to leave but not wanting to get caught listening when your voice came through the door, the words from your mouth like a bucket of water over his body.

“Mmm, Cassian.”

He stopped, his brother’s chuckle coming from under the door as well. His foot hovered in the air, his body unable to move. Had he gotten things wrong again? Had he put too much stock into the small touches, the lingering gazes, how the two of you seemed to linger after everyone else had departed?

How had he gotten this wrong again?

He continued down the hallway, his shadows swirling and bouncing off the walls as his thoughts raced, trying to figure out where he had gotten it wrong once more.

He headed toward his room, his plans for the day changing immediately to include wallowing in his chambers.

Alone.

Just like he always found himself.

-

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts, your voice coming through the door instead of the lingering remnants of your sighs in his mind.

“It’s me.”

Of course you would come check on him. He had one of his shadows leave a note for you that he couldn’t make it to dinner. He should have told you he was out working, but he hated lying to you. The thought of it churned his stomach, which was why he decided to tell you he wasn’t feeling well, which wasn’t technically a lie anymore.

He opened the door, stepping to the side to allow you in. You entered his room, carrying a tray with a water pitcher, a couple of glasses, and a bowl of soup he could see steam rising off of.

The sight made him close his eyes, his heart beating around his chest, unable to calm down. You were so impossibly sweet, even when you were breaking his heart. A small part of him wanted to play pretend - to lay in the warmth of your gaze and affection, make a home in your attention, forgetting all about what he heard this morning.

That wasn’t possible now, and it wasn’t possible this morning, Azriel having forgone his shopping plans, opting to stay in his room, listening to your moans over and over.

Your concerned eyes pulled him from his trance, a shadow whispering your moans from earlier into his ear.

Right.  The Cassian of it all.

He sighed, watching you drop the tray off at his desk before pouring him a glass of water, the condensation from the carafe dripping onto the floor. 

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“You’re not feeling well - you never cancel plans. I knew you had to be knocking at the Mother’s door if you were cancelling on me.”

Had he always been that obvious? Had you and Cassian thought his affections a mere joke?

“Well, uh thank you I-”

His words were cut off as your hand reached his forehead, your tongue sticking out as you stood on the tops of your toes to reach.

“No fever, but you feel a bit clammy. What were your symptoms?”

“Really, sweetheart, you don’t have to-”

The nickname fell from his lips naturally, and he stopped speaking at the realization of what he had done.

“When did they start? Have you been eating? Drinking? Here.”

You pushed the cold water glass into his hands, and he accepted it, taking a sip from it.

“Good, good.” You muttered, pouring yourself a glass.

You were being so sweet, so nice to him, and all he wanted was to curl back into his bed and wallow in self-pity. One of his shadows hit him in the head to get him to focus back on you.

He can’t live in this misery anymore. He has to just get it out there that he knows, then he can move on, fall for another unattainable female.

Again. 

“I’m happy for you. And for.. Cassian.”

There. He did it while rubbing the back of his head, trying to soothe the spot the shadow hit. He said the hard part out loud, but your quirked brow did little to soothe the ache in his chest. 

“What did we do?”

His mouth dried, unwilling to explain this even further to you.

“On account of your uh relationship with Cassian?”

You spit out your drink unceremoniously, water covering your front. You start coughing while Azriel grabs a rag for you and you dabbed at your shirt as you asked, “what relationship with Cassian?”

Azriel tries not to scream as he has to choke out, “ya know - you two are together in some capacity?”

You laugh, a big uproarious laugh that nearly knocks him off his feet. What was going on? Surely the two of you had been sneaking around in some capacity. Why were you so amused by the fact that he knew?

“I’m not seeing Cass. I’m not seeing anyone - especially not Cassian!”

He stills, his brain working overtime to connect pieces that aren’t there.

“But you- I heard you earlier..”

His voice trailed off, the tips of his ears heating pink. 

“You heard me what?”

He looked at you incredulously, unable to believe you were going to make him spell it out. He could feel the blush creeping across his cheeks and nose as he said, “I could hear you and Cassian… ya know…”

Your eyes were wide with bewilderment, still not grasping what he wasn’t saying.

“I know…?”

He huffed, “I heard you moaning Cassian’s name earlier.”

It was your turn to be flustered and red, spluttering at being caught. The spymaster part of Azriel wanted to hum in delight, having caught the perpetrator in a lie. But the romantic side, the part of him that was deeply in love with you just wanted to shrivel up and blow away in the wind knowing his brother has gotten to be with yet another female his heart soared for.

“Um,” you stutter, and Azriel would find you so endearing if you weren’t blushing over Cassian’s hands all over you.

Azriel shook his head, trying to remove the unwanted thoughts and pictures once more.

“Cassian uh.. We were training earlier, and Cassian,” he filled in the gaps of your story as you paused, wanting to stop you from explaining in detail how his brother got his grubby hands on you, “Cass and I were sparring, and his practice sword hit me pretty hard in the back.”

Oh god, you were using euphemisms for his brother’s cock.

“It caused my back to spasm pretty bad. Cass felt terrible, so he carried me to my room and gave me a massage.”

Cauldron, just stop with euphemisms.

“So are you two a thing now?”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, you two fucked because of training.”

How stupid did you think he was?

“Az, I think you’re confused. Cassian massaged my back. I have a massive bruise from where he walloped me.”

You turn, pulling up the back of your shirt to show him. Aziel practically short circuited at the sight of the bruise on your back. It was massive, and he could make out the clear outline a sword hilt.

He felt his stomach bubble in anger at his brother, but for a different reason. How could he be so rough with you? How could he be so careless with you. His thoughts whirled before he stilled at the expression on your face.

“Were you… jealous, Az?”

“No.”

It came out quick and clipped, and one of his shadows hit the side of his head in annoyance. You stepped forward, your body only a few inches from his own.

“So it wouldn’t bother you if I went on a date with Cassian?”

His fingers formed a first, and he exhaled slowly, “no, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.”

“What if I went on a date with his brother?”

“Rhys is-”

He stopped, looking down at you, taking in your words.

“A date? With Cassian’s brother?”

You take your lip between your teeth as you look up at him, and he desperately wants to take your lip between his own, pulling you into his arms, He doesn’t. Instead, he listens as you say, “I heard he wasn’t feeling well, but maybe when he’s feeling better we could get dinner.. Maybe walk along the Sidra..”

He raised his eyebrows as you pressed your body closer to his. “The latest report I received said he was feeling better.”

He wanted to run his hands across your forehead as your brows quirk, “any reports about his availability tonight?”

You were bouncing on your feet before him, and if he didn’t find you adorable enough, the action would have made his heart soar with endearment. He hummed, enjoying watching your palpable excitement over him. “My reports say he’s available around seven.”

You peer at the clock in his room, the minute hand showing it was only a few moments until seven.

“I’ll be there to pick him up at seven.”

He watched you pull away, his body already missing your warmth, stepping outside his door. He waited, standing in the same spot, unable to move like a lovesick fool until the clock in his room chimed seven times, the last chime immediately followed by a quick knocking at his door. He opened the door to find you standing there, a small bouquet in your hand. He had no idea how you procured it in such a short amount of time, but your big grin made him stop thinking entirely. 

“Hi, I think we have a date tonight?”

Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen @durgenyx @dee-writes-smut @chairofchaos @thelov3lybookworm @berryzxx @throneofsmut @kennedy-brooke @prythianpages @itsswritten @acotarxreader @milswrites

Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin @magicstrengthandcourage

Thanks for reading ❣️

[thegreatimpersonator]

Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift has declined to address that rumor-Global superstar Taylor Swift ("and the winner is...") This is the first time photographers have caught T-Swift on film in six weeks. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Grammys' youngest ever winner of Album of the Year, Fearless. Is there Bad Blood? Taylor Swift is responsible for me being suspended. Taylor Swift is in hot water again. Taylor Swift is on top of the world, but has she done some sketchy things to get there? Thirteen celebs who have issues with Taylor Swift. I felt like she was a little angry. Number thirteen. There she is leaving a restaurant. She holds too many grudges. Why did Taylor Swift-You can see her feet at the very bottom, and can see her making her way into the car. I can understand trying to keep your relationship to yourself at the beginning, or needing to take some time to work on your craft. But come on! And Taylor, voluntarily bringing attention to herself of her donations. What Swift did is not enough. Yeah, okay Tay, Whatever you say. I, I hate to say this, but I think Taylor Swift is learning a few lessons in life. All this drama is exhausting. Taylor Swift should focus on making the rest of reputation. Reputation. What it is-Reputation. Taylor Swift's new romance is heating up. Reputation. And what has happened to the squad. Reputation. But at the same time, I think both-Reputation. Taylor Swift takes the stand in court today. Taylor Swift's reputation. Reputation. Reputation. so instead we'll talk about Taylor Swift's reputation. Reputation. Reputation. so instead we'll talk about Taylor Swifts reputation. Reputation. Taylor Swift's reputation. so instead we'll talk about Taylor Swift's reputation. Reputation

[sunlit-mess]

Just updating for the Hazbin Hotel AU I'm writing!

I'll be separating the comics into two categories in which:

× The main comic series focused on the story

× And the other revolving around Radioapple 📻🍎

ABOUT THIS AU:

MICHELIN STARS

is a Hazbin Hotel Restaurant AU where Charlie offered her help to Lucifer, until he agreed to let her manage the place, as to her perspective is that he does work hard, but always worked too much.

Charlie soon faces the hardship of running a business and macromanaging. With the inconsistent quality, increasing trouble in finance, unsatisfied customers: Nevertheless, doesn't stop her passion for food and has set a goal to bring success and life it needs, having the family business running and about with her most trusted employees in the mix! That is... Until the sketchy activities behind service. What a recipe for disaster~

-

In reality, Hotels and Restaurant management/service does not stray far from each other but rather work together. So, I figured of writing focusing on Food industry while not straying away from how it goes Canonically in the Hazbin Hotel Universe! ::)

INSIGHT OF SOME CHARACTERS:

× Lucifer is a widower ( or is he ? ).

× Lucifer's family has a big connection and history in military. Too bad he's exiled.

× Charlie is a tough boss! You better listen up!

× Alastor is a 3 Michelin * chef and has worked with Vox in the past.

x Lucifer has 6 Michelin stars.

× Alastor will have the same moral code with Lilith in this AU.

× (past) Vox and Alastor came from a rough system in the industry they worked for.

× Vox now owns a restaurant and brand, running the business with the other Vees.

× Adam and the rest of the court works under law/officials.

× Lilith works... with her own method of operations under law/officials.

-

That's it from me for now, thank u for reading!!! 🍽

[thedevilsoftruth]

Shane hcs bc why tf not

Starting off strong, he's 30 years old. people are gonna hear that and think, "What the fuck Bullet, you're insane, Stardew characters are all in their 20's " but you see that's where we differ, sweetie. I consider Harvey to be the oldest bachelor with Shane 2nd in line. The way Shane talks, he sounds like a 30-year-old man. The way he acts, he acts like a 30-year-old man. The way he looks.. he looks like a 30-year-old man. Idc what yall say.

Second in line, he likes heavy music. That is not me self-projecting. He 100% grew up around mfs on his gridball team who listened to people like.. idfk Kanye West, and my homeboy is the outcast with the, " i was raised on Iron Maiden, Metallica, and Motley Cru. " I like thinking, as he got older he started liking bands like Slipknot, Alice In Chains, and Nine Inch Nails. Angry music for an angry soul.

He is an only child.

Curses like a sailor. He tried to be extra weary of it when he caught Jas saying the f-word one day. Marnie elbows him when they're in public and he curses. He's pretty bad with it.

Always had bad grades in English. The highest grade he got was a B in his junior year of high school.

First job was working at a fast food restaurant. He also cleaned people's cars with friend of his during his freshman year.

Refers to his male friends as his, ' Buddies "

Poker EXPERT.

Liked Dragon Ball for a while.

14 mm ear gauges. Had his tongue pierced when he was 18. Tried to do it to himself in the back of his math class in his Junior year but it got infected.

The first car he owned was a pickup truck he bought from a very sketchy car dealer.

Too many crazy high school stories. He probably often jumped the fences with his buddies and would get in trouble. Now his social skills are actual ass and he's old.

Cannot bear the thought of learning another language.

Does not like vodka.

He doesn't like dogs. at all.

Has a tiny tattoo of his chicken Charlie above his ankle. Probably has a tattoo on the inner side of his forearm as well.

[rambling-remy]

I would stumble ass-backwards into joining the mafia so easily. Find a nice Italian restaurant that tastes amazing and charges hardly anything? Of COURSE I am frequenting that establishment, no matter how sketchy. You think I would notice? Heck no

I'd be super chatty with the staff, especially the chef. Lil' old nonna beaming with pride over her cooking? Forget about it, of course I am doing anything for that sweet lady. Of COURSE I am.

She tries to set me up with one of her grandchildren. She asks for little favours, running around town for her and her family. Suddenly I'm being given gifts. Nice clothes, jewelry. People are suddenly saying family. In italics.

[portgasdwrld]

☆ Special candy

Summary; Ace ate a candy and turned into the opposite sex lol, I feel like it would be a dumb situation he would put himself into 💀🏃🏻‍♀️

Warning: f!reader, fluff/comedy

Authors note: I finally came to the rescue of the Ace’s fic shortage

｡･:*˚:✧｡

Earlier in the day at an island ⁑

You two passed by a boutique who looked quite old and there was bunch of unique objects outside of the store, which automatically caught y’all eyes.

-They have cool bracelets! We should get matching ones babe!

Ace enthusiastically exclaimed grabbing two bracelet and heading inside the old store. You chuckled and followed your boyfriend inside, with a smile.

A woman who seemed to be a bit older than you two welcomed y’all into the store. She pushed her dark long hair behind her shoulder as she fixed her glasses and continued knitting, which seemed to be scarf.

-Mmm, look there is more options..

Ace pointed at with a serious expression. He got closer to the wall where multiple bracelets were hanging. You approached him and started observing them with him.

-If you buy two, you get a discount in the rings.

The woman spoke without looking at us. Ace looked at you brushing off his shoulders. He wasn’t really into rings but he pointed them, insisting you look to see if you like anything. As you looked through them, he walked around the store, a smile floating on his lips to the view of all the weird objects.

-Y’all are a couple?

The seller asked as she leaned over her counter, putting away her knitting project.

-Yeah, why?

Ace asked, his back faced to her. You glanced over at your boyfriend as you walked back to him with nothing, no ring really interested you.

-Y’all wanna try some candies ?

-Candies?

You asked with a cocked eyebrow. You directly thought it was probably some sex thing candy with aphrodisiac propriety. The 2nd commander finally looked back at her.

-I won’t say what exactly what it does, but it might be fun…

-Um n-

-Yeah why not?

Ace beat you to it and accepted as you were about to refuse.

Clearly who were you to just take some random candies from a sketchy boutique.

-You don’t even know whats in the candy

You stated as you rolled your eyes, following him to the cash where he put the two bracelets down, ready to pay.

-Don’t worry it’s not a drug, but I assume as you two seem to be pirates, a little movement in your daily life might be fun and interesting.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her word. You seemed to be the only one skeptic while your lover was done paying. She grabbed a green box with two blue candies. She put each one in a separate bag and slid a note in yours.

-I slid a note for you as you don’t seem to trust me too much. You can read it, but I think it will spoil the fun

She continued with a smile. She didn’t seem like any harm, but you still weren’t very excited about trying something weird from a stranger. Your man grabbed his bag and handed yours with one of the bracelets.

-Alright, thanks !

Ace smiled as he waved at the lady. She smiled back and as we left her store, she went back into knitting with a mischievous smirk.

Later that day ⁑

You threw the shopping bags in a corner in Ace’s room as you jumped into the bed, totally exhausted from walking everywhere. Discovering a new island with him is visiting at least 5 restaurants a day, looking through most boutiques, visiting unpopular spots and making out somewhere and then ending the day at some bar with the rest of the crew. You were exhausted to say the least.

Ace laughed as he watched you laid down on the bed.

-already tired ?

-shut up

You mumbled in a tired tone that stirred another chuckle out of the pirate. You rolled on your back, but something got out of your pocket: the blue candy. You totally forgot about it with everything.

-Oh the weird drug

You said without much enthusiasm as you watched the pink bag on the floor. With a quick move, you grabbed it. Your boyfriend took it out of his pocket with a smirk.

-Should we try it ?

-You do it without me

-Awww come onnn, babeeee

-Nooooo

You pushed yourself further into the sheets, letting your fatigue get the best of you. There was no way you were eating this. You threw the bag in the small bin close to his bed.

-You’re boring

Ace said with a pout and he quickly ate the candy. You honestly didn’t have the energy to scold him or care so you just watched him with a deadpan expression.

-How do you feel?

-Normal?

-Nice, now come lay down with me.

You changed into your pyjama as he slid under the sheets with a simple pair of boxer. You wrapped an arm over his torso and he left a kiss over your forehead as his arm wrapped your shoulders.

-I’m a bit disappointed

-huh?

- the candy

-…I told you it was sketchy

-yeah..

He yawned before pulling you more into him. You chuckled softly to yourself as you shook your head.

-Goodnight, baby~

-Mm..goodnight..

He mumbled as he quickly fell asleep.

***

You didn’t remember that you were so comfortable. Your head was lying down a plushy surface, but as much as you were terribly comfortable, Ace’s hair kept brushing into your face, tickling your nose. You did a mental note to yourself to cut his hair that might have gotten longer than you noticed. You grumbled as you stirred awake. You rolled on your back where you started at the ceiling for a moment to get your eyes used to being open. You rubbed them before turning to your side to stare at Aces sleepy figure.

What you didn’t expect was to literally see a naked woman in the bed just next to you. You screamed in total shock and pushed her & the sheets down the bed. You quickly grabbed Aces dagger on the night stand and shakily sat on the bed, ready to attack.

-Who tf are you??!

You asked completely shaken by the situation. Were you kidnapped in your sleep ?? Did someone broke into Ace room and locked him out or something?

The mysterious woman finally started to raise from the floor and rubbed her head from the shock.

-Waw..what a way to wake up babe..

You paused for a second.

Babe…

Don’t…

You lowered a little the dagger and looked down at the stranger. She was truly not wearing anything than maybe some black shorts. She had brown wavy hair up to her shoulders and had freckles on her cheeks. She looked at you, big brown sleepy eyes.

-Don’t tell me…

-What’s wrong ?

-What’s your name ?

-Huh?

-Just…just answer please…

-Babe, did you lose your memory while sleeping? I’m Ace, your hot boyfrie-WHAAAATTT?? WHY DO I HAVE BOOBS!!?

You finally dropped the dagger on the bed totally defeated. You pushed back your hair, totally stressed out.

This fkg dumbass.

-I guess you’re a woman now..

-HUUHH?? No..no I need to see Marco!

Ace, out of panic, quickly stood up and was about to head outside when you rushed to him and closed the door shut. You leaned against the door and pushed a pillow against his bare chest.

-You can’t go out with your boobs out, dummy! You only have your boxer on!

-Oh..yeah you’re right..

He admitted after looking down at himself.

-let me lend you a shirt or something..

You grumbled to yourself. It was so his type of behaviour to accidentally eat a candy like that. It still felt weird to talk to your boyfriend when he literally was a woman right now, he still was as stunning though.

-Ew, not a shirt, too hot for that

-Ugh you’re so annoying, wanna walk in a bra then?

You said sarcastically as you looked into your basket of clothes.

-That seems about a good idea-OOOooooOh I’m so hot!

You turned around to see him admire himself in the mirror, looking at his face attentively.

-Ugh, I knew I would be a baddie even as a girl.

You scoffed and threw him a red bikini top.

-Here, it matches your aesthetic pretty girl~

You teased him, but it fell on deaf ears. Ace was too focused on his new pair of boobs.

-STOP PLAYING WITH THEM!

You yelled frustrated and flustered as you grabbed the bikini top that fell on the floor. Ace stared at you with his hands still on them.

-Remove your hands, ima fix the top for you so you look somewhat decent outside.

-Thank you baby, you know I love you so much~

He said as he leaned to kiss you, but still unfamiliar with the visual, you stepped back. Your boyfriend furrowed his eyebrows and you gave him a sorry smile, before pecking his lips.

-Sorry baby, I’m still getting used to it

He gave you a warm smile, stealing a kiss from your lips this time.

-I know, let’s fix this thing so I’m back to normal. I wonder how long it last?

You were now fixing the top at the back, tying it up and making sure he was comfy and had some support.

-Now, that I think of it. Didn’t the lady gave me a paper with all the explanation?

-You’re right! It must still be in the bin!

You walked to the bin and started to search for the bag as Ace put his usual accessories and shorts on.

-Babe…

-Yes?

-I don’t have a dick anymore…

You stayed silent for few seconds contemplating on how to answer this obvious realization. His hand was now on his crotch. He pushed his hair behind his ears as he looked at you with big eyes, totally shocked.

-I found the bag

You ignored his statement and opened the little bag with the candy and the note. You started to read the few lines and sighed relieved.

-Okay it says, it should last a couple of hours, so nothing to worry.

-Nice! Now I’m starving so let’s go eat something!

-The crew is definitely going to be startled !

You laughed as you stared at Ace, still not believing the situation. Your brain couldn’t understand that the person sitting next to you was the man you loved so much, but in your heart nothing truly changed. He chuckled and pecked your cheek as he took your hand in his.

-Yeah, it’s definitely gonna be a lesson

-Will it really be tho?

-Mmm, I don’t know I’m too hungry to think

-Ugh, i gotta admit you are a cute girl~

-Then you know we have few hours to explore this body?

He said wiggling his eyebrows.

-Ace..

-What? I’m curious to know how it fe-

-Let’s go eat!

You heard your boyfriend laugh behind you as you ran to the door. You were starting to be very hungry too and all that mess deserved a well balanced breakfast.

*****

EXTRA

-Hopefully that will be a lesson to this idiot to not eat anything and islander give him-oi

Marco commented with a smirk as he bit into an apple.

-You really think it’s gonna solve his reckless behaviour?

You commented as you shook your head. The commanders have been making fun of Ace since he showed up at the dining hall. It started by total confusion until you explained what happened, which sparked everyone to laugh and tease the second division commander.

-Y’all..are talking…too much sh-

Ace started between huge bites of food and eventually fell asleep.

[lilacheavenxo]

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 ➸ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐨

summary: carmen's girlfriend gets a job offer too good to pass up, he doesn't want her to take it. word count: warnings: angst, hurt (minimal comfort), misogyny, swearing, toxicity, timeline is sketchy, third person, unnamed ofc (she's a blank slate), light sexual content

The sound of the faucet dripping in the kitchen was the only sound coming from the otherwise silent apartment.

It was always silent nowadays.

She sat in the living room, wringing her hands together nervously as she fought the urge to re-read the email on her cellphone, which had been tossed on the coffee table in a haste.

The email bore good news. She had been waiting for an offer like that for most of her adult life—finally, an opportunity to do what she loved and be paid for it.

She had been a musician for as long as she could remember. Her dad had bought her a guitar for her ninth birthday, and from that moment, she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. She had spent her college fund on moving to New York, a dream of making it big clouding any smidge of rationality an eighteen-year-old could possess.

It hadn't worked out the way she wanted, and she was forced to move back to Chicago without a dollar to her name. Living with her parents and waiting tables for a living, she would play gigs in dive bars whenever she got the chance - a pathetic reminder of her failure.

It hadn't been all bad. One of those dive bar gigs was how she met Carmen Berzatto, at least.

He had walked into the bar halfway through her set, and, despite the white light in her eyes, she noticed him immediately. He was trying to blend in, his shoulders slumped as he made his way to the bar, hanging his head down as soon as he had ordered his drink, but she still saw him.

He had complimented her when her set ended and she slid onto the barstool next to his.

"You have a nice voice."

Everything following that night had happened quickly - too quickly.

They were friends first. He would come into the bar whenever he could, maybe stop at the diner where she worked on his way to work, and she would meet him at his restaurant when everybody had left, sitting on his work station, watching him sweep the floor.

Nothing had happened between them until after she had moved in with him. He had offered her his spare room after she finished another rant about how pathetic it was to live with her parents at her age.

She had only slept in the spare room for one week.

She loved Carmen Berzatto, and she was sure he loved her too, though he never said it. She didn't take it personally; when he responded to her declarations with a smile or a kiss, she knew he was just scared.

"You make me happy," he would whisper to her in the quiet apartment when he returned home at an ungodly hour.

That was good enough for her.

The jingling of keys in the lock snapped her out of her thoughts. She sat up straighter on the couch, waiting until Carmen appeared in the living room, his head down and shoulders slumped.

"He jumped slightly when he spotted her on the couch, a dim lamp illuminating the living room.

"You're still up?" he asked, as he made his way to the couch and threw himself down next to her.

She hummed in response, moving closer to him and resting her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

"How was your day?" she mumbled, already knowing what his answer would be.

"Same as usual. Fuckin' bullshit."

"Wanna talk about it?" She knew the answer to that one, too.

"No."

"Wanna talk at all?" she asked, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. She rested her hand on the spot she had kissed, gently pulling his head down to meet her mouth with his. He sighed into the kiss, his arm moving from her shoulder to cup her neck. As he deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into her mouth, he let out a laugh when she swung her legs over him, positioning herself to straddle him.

"You seem happy," he mumbled when she moved her lips to his neck, grazing her teeth against his adam's apple as her hands began to move lower, fliddling with the buckle of his belt.

"I got some good news today, feel like celebrating," she said.

"Oh yeah?" Carmen asked, a gasp escaping his lips when her hand moved to cup him through his jeans. "What news?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Tell me now, I wanna celebrate with you," he gently grabbed her arm, linking her hand in his. Her lips paused on his neck, and he could feel the smile creeping up on her face.

"Okay," she relented, lifting her head up to rest her forehead against his. "You remember Callum?"

Carmen frowned, trying to recall, but eventually shook his head and shrugged.

"Callum, Carmy," she said, eyes widening in disbelief when he shrugged again. "Callum! The guy I worked with in New York, he moved to Chicago last year and we played a gig together? He plays the guitar."

"Wait!" Carmen sat up straighter, and she held on to his shoulders as not to fall. "The creepy guy? The one that wouldn't leave you alone the whole night?"

"Creepy? What? No," she frowned. "Callum."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Creepy Callum, that's what we called him."

"We?"

"Me and Richie."

"Ugh," she groaned, sliding off his lap to sit beside him. "Callum isn't a creep, Carm. He's my friend."

"Anyone tell him that?"

She ignored him, wrapping arm arm around his shoulder, and resting her cheek against his. "You wanna hear my good news or not?"

"Sorry," Carmen sighed, leaning into her touch, and placing a hand on her knee. "Go on."

"Well," she tucked her legs under her thighs, leaning an elbow on the back of the couch to face him. "Callum's band have got this gig as a supporting artist for the US leg of this other guy's tour. He's not super famous or anything, but he's got a pretty big following, y'know?"

Carmen nodded, his eyes locked on hers, and he gestured for her to continue.

"Well," she said, rolling her eyes, "their lead singer left the band because of 'artistic differences' or whatever. And Callum has asked me to take her place! Can you believe it?" She squealed, grabbing his arm and shaking it slightly.

Carmen didn't respond, his body growing tense under touch, and the dazzling smile on her face slowly dropped at her boyfriend's silence.

"Carm?" she nudged him, lightly. "Isn't that great?"

"Yeah," he choked out, standing up from the couch and clearing his throat. "Yeah, congratulations, I guess."

He didn't look her in the eye as he headed towards the fire escape, muttering that he needed a smoke.

She didn't follow him.

An hour later, he climbed back through the window and sighed when he saw her still sitting on the couch, nervously chewing her thumbnail.

"We good, Carm?" she asked, her voice timid.

He ignored her question, leaning on the wall opposite the couch, and crossing his arms over his chest. "When?" he asked, his voice devoid of emotion.

"Uh, next month. It's short notice because of the other girl-"

"How long?"

"Like three months, there's only like two shows a week, maybe you could come and visit me-"

Carmen cut her off with a humourless laugh, sneering when he saw the confusion on her face.

"You're kidding, right?" he scoffed. "You know how busy I am. You think I can just drop everything to chase you around the fucking country?"

"No," she muttered. "No, of course not. I know how busy you are, Carmen." The bitterness in her tone was palpable.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, standing up from the couch and trying to push past him, but he blocked her path.

"If you've got something to say, say it," he said in a menacing tone, and she rolled her eyes in response.

"I have nothing to say to you."

She tried to move past him again, but he blocked her with his arm once more, his eyes piercing into hers. They stayed in a silent starting competition for what felt like hours before she scoffed, shaking her head.

"It's funny," she said. "You work endless hours at the restaurant, coming home at God knows what hour, and I support you because I love you and believe in your dreams. But you can't seem to do the same for me."

He threw his head back as he laughed, it was a cruel laugh, and it pierced her heart.

"Your dream?" he sneered, and she shrinked back. "Your fuckin' dream? Lemme tell you about your dream, sweetheart - it's pathetic." She shook her head at his words, but it didn't deter him. "You're a grown fucking woman still singing dive bars in Chicago! What? You think a tour of every dive bar in America with a few washed up assholes will finally be your big break?" he shook his head at her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Grow up."

He turned on his heel to leave the room, not interested in what she had to say, pausing in the doorway when she called out to him.

"I'm going on that tour, Carm. I sing because I enjoy it, because it brings me happiness. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. Unlike you."

He left the room, and the apartment, without another word.

Carmen didn't go home until the following evening.

He had gone straight to the Bear after their fight, not really having any other option, and sat in the office with his head in his hands for longer than he'd like to admit, the events of the evening repeating in his brain like a stupid pop song you can never get out of your head.

He shouldn't have reacted like that, he knew it.

A better man would have congratulated her.

A better man would have told her how proud he was, and pushed any doubt to the back of his mind and let her have her moment.

A better man wouldn't have belittled her achievement because of his own abandonment issues.

But, Carmen Berzatto wasn't a better man. He wasn't even sure he was a good one.

He thought about his family, how even in their most fucked up moments, they were always proud of him. They had never tried to force him to stay in Chicago when he had a better offer elsewhere, how they never dismissed his talents just because they didn't want him to leave.

He thought about Mikey. He thought about how he wouldn't let him work at 'The Beef', how bad that felt, but how Mikey was doing it for his own good. His brother wanted him to achieve things, wanted him to go out in the world and not be tied down by some toxic arrangement that would never make him happy.

He thought about how he hadn't done any of that for her.

He had been selfish.

He had talked down to her, patronised her, all because she would be gone for three months.

Three fucking months.

He fucked up.

He arrived back to the apartment the next evening, a box of cannolis from a bakery she liked under one arm, a bouquet of her favourite flowers under the other.

He wasn't good at apologies, especially in a relationship, but it was the best he could think of, and all he could do was pray she forgave him. She probably would, she always forgave him - even when he didn't deserve it.

Carmen had planned his apology the whole way home. He would hand her the cannolis and flowers, and he would tell her how proud he was of her, how he didn't care if she was going to be gone for a year - that he'd support her no matter what.

The apartment was silent when he entered, and eerily still. He called out her name and there was no response, but he expected that - she was a fan of the silent treatment, after all.

He checked the bedroom after his eyes scanned the living area and kitchen, not finding her there. The bed was perfectly made, no sign she had slept in it last night, amd the bathroom door was ajar, no sign of life anywhere.

He threw the gifts he got her on the bed, wiping his hands over his face as he made his way back to the living room and taking a seat on the couch, trying not to jump to the worst conclusion.

He noticed the folded up piece of paper on the coffee table after he removed his hands from his face, her cursive writing causing a sickening feeling to swirl in his stomach.

He unfolded the paper slowly, as if his patience would somehow change the words she had written on it.

Carmen,

Callum said I can crash at his apartment until we go on tour - it'll be good to get some rehearsals in.

When I get back, I think it's best we don't see each other.

I hope you'll be able to find what truly makes you happy.

I love you.

He threw the note to the ground, running his hands through his hair.

He fucked up.

[eugeniedanglars]

thinking about the himbos, still not having put together that colin’s “friend who helps him pick up women” who they met at sam’s restaurant is not in fact his friend who helps him pick up women, deciding that they should set colin up with someone as a way of showing their support. (“who here knows any single gay guys?” jamie polls the locker room. everyone raises their hands. sam clarifies, “besides colin.” all but a handful of people put their hands down.) they very proudly present this plan to colin, who tells them that first of all, if he’s ever desperate enough to accept a date with one of richard’s sketchy model friends they should just kill him instead, and second of all he doesn’t think his boyfriend would be very happy about this plan. i need to see this team of hopeless romantics being just as excited to realize that colin’s cool friend michael is actually his boyfriend as they were about sam’s bantr adventures or roy and keeley’s relationship