#smallishbeans headcanons

[squidinkedcreative]

i am sick again (i stg its the weather patterns here or smth bc when i lived in a different climate for 4 yrs, I HARDLY EVER GOT SICK!!!! i still mask everywhere !!!! wtf!!!) so naturally i am thinking abt my blorbos…

watching older joel and etho content has me feeling so many things

JOEL BUILDING THEM A BOAT TO LIVE IN,,,, IN DOUBLE LIFE

and etho being so encouraging yet still teasing to joel the entire time. it was so endearing ngl lmaoo

i havent seen either of their newest episodes of current hc but i have seen a handful of things abt it 💀 oh maaaaaan etho is leaning into the “little shit” part of their dynamic so hard its so funny

it also all has me thinking abt head canons n stuff… so heres some of those heh

-etho comes down w a cold and hes miserable but trying rly hard not to show it, n joel comes in n makes him some food n gets him some warm towels and makes sure he knows hes allowed to take a rest now n then, especially when sick

-etho is not a menthol enjoyer, but joel loves it. he loves vapo rub and menthol cough drops/tea, and it used to make etho nauseous, but he’s slowly beginning to enjoy the smell of it bc it reminds him of joel, but more specifically whiny sick joel who’s very needy

-OH YEAH. joel is so the type to be extra whiny and needy when he’s sick, whereas etho is the opposite. he pretends hes fine until hes literally collapsing lmfao he could have a high grade fever and still insist he can keep working lmfao meanwhile the millisecond joel feels slightly under the weather he’s whining about it and basically throwing himself at etho to take care of him

-i like tho think that gem would stop by with some sick care package stuff if both of them were to get sick, like soup and meds but also comfort stuff as well like snacks, media to watch, maybe a handmade blanket too heh

-etho is immunocompromised teehee so anytime joel gets sick, etho ends up getting sick 2x as hard, thats also why he masks all the time!!!!!!!! but sometimes the sickies r just unavoidable ough

anyway yeah idk what this is i feel feverish and delirious even tho the dr said i had a normal temp this afternoon hope u enjoyed these potentially incorherent smalletho/boat boys ramblings

[wasyago]

he's my idiot and i get to make him unnecessarily dramatic

[randomheadcanons1234]

Even more random hermitcraft headcanons that I won’t elaborate

Bdubs He was once sick of getting told that he was short and wore high heels for the day at the end he had a concussion, a broken ankle and a promise to never where high heels again

Cub has replaced some of his teeth with metal

Docm has dressed up as a princess on multiple occasions for Doccy

Etho used to run up to people scare them and run away again. That stopped when he got shot by a gun, when he tried to pull this with Zedaph

False is the designated driver because she somehow knows every shortcut

Gem has killed gods before

Grian is that type of person who says that they can’t handle horror but fall asleep to true crime stories

Hypno used to sell Ballons, he can make animals out of them

Impulse has venomous claws, he has accidentally poisoned some of his friends because of this, he feels really guilty

Iskall builds really weird things for fun like a robot who has legs for hands, which has pink hair and talks about waffles. The hermits are concerned

Jevin can’t swim, he can float but if he tries to move he sinks

One time when joe was drunk he showed up in a god meeting and started to make yo mama jokes at them, many cried

Keralis has all the gossip even from servers where he isn’t even on

Mumbo has gotten drunk only once and that was the they he found himself in his base surrounded by Armourstands that had their legs cut off. And had the heads of his friends

Pearl eats cods in front of Grian

Ren has a collection of baby photos of his fellow hermits, no one knows how he got them

Scar has made flower crowns for all the hermits

Skizz used to be choir kid

Joel and Lizzie once came to a party where Joel wore a sparkly pink dress and Lizzie a green suit

When stress doesn’t know a word she just makes one up

For some reason tango loves bats

The reason why Beef goes by Beef is because middle school he only brought beef to school. After a while the other students and even the teachers started to call him Beef and that stuck. Now he just goes by Beef

Wels knows galactic

When Xb used to be a kid he ate dirt

Xisuma never takes his helmet off, so the hermits try to take it off themself all their plans fail though and they still don’t know how he looks

Zedaph used to be a part of the creepy pasta fandom

Cleo is the best dancer on hermitcraft

[rosegoldenatlas]

They're siblings, your honor

All of the hermits are one great big psychotic family. Here are the roles of the ones I know enough to point out properly and even reasoning. Might make this a foster au BTW.

Xisuma is the father, obviously. But like he's the kind of dad that works night shift just to see his kids more often. He's the kind of dad that adopts kids by pure accident. He's the dad that is always there to give advice and definitely got half of those tips from the internet and the other half from personal experience.

Doc is the eldest child, he was adopted by X because one day he just fucking appeared with his three friends at X's house (its basically a mansion because of how much space he needs to keep all of these kids in check) trying to steal food and supplies. He got caught because he hit his head on a doorframe an it woke up X lol. Doc would be like 17 in the au and he would immediately find a reason to not like Grian.

Beef is one of the people who arrived with Doc, he is on month younger than him and he's the reason X let them stay he night because he immediately invoked pity.

Etho also arrived with Doc, he is two months younger than him and he was supposed to be the only one going in to steal because he knew how to be sneaky but he had no conception of what was needed to survive on the streets so the rest had to join him.

Bdubs was the final person who arrived with Doc and he is a year younger than he rest of the NHO (he came up with the name in the au) Bdubs and Doc have this weird sibling rivalry where they'll have a huge argument over something important then Bdubs will ask for a ride two minutes later and suddenly all is well with the world.

Grian is classic middle child vibes except he's the kind of middle child that causes so many issues that he actually gets attention constantly. When Doc arrived (Grian was adopted a year before Doc was) he immediately accidentally broke Doc's robotics project he had been working on since before they met. Immediately he realized he effed up while Scar was only scared because Grian was. Grian is like 15 btw

Scar is three weeks younger than Grian and he is the kid who always gets in trouble for the most obscure things in school. Like comes home early cause he was suspended for creating a pyramid scheme for monster energy drinks kind of obscure. Also he has scammed most of his adoptive siblings out of their allowances.

Cub is Scars twin in this, he helped with all of the scams and pyramid schemes. But he never gets caught. Nobody knows how but he never got into trouble in school even though he sold pens that had test answers written on a piece of paper in them.

Cleo is 17 in this, she is the on who is put in charge of the house when X is gone because the NHO was deemed irresponsible after the incident which ended with Grian, Scar and Mumbo locked in a closet with the NHO taunting them through the door. Cleo is the only child who owns a car and the one who is consistently begged to drive people places. She has since used this to her advantage and now has the others pay by the mile.

Ren is younger than Cleo but is older than Mumbo, he apparently knew Doc before they were adopted and was adopted first. Ren is the classic theatre kid and does drama after school every Wednesday and Friday. One time he was supposed to watch the younger kids because X was at work, Cleo was shopping and the NHO group was doing stuff. This ended with X coming back to Ren about to be sent to exile (the yard) because he had crowned himself as king of the house and the TV remote was his magic scepter and he wouldn't let anyone else switch the channel.

Mumbo is a year younger than Ren and he used to be considered the most mature, for all of five minutes until he started doing things, these include; making a custom lock on his door out of rubber bands and twine which proceeded to somehow work two whole times before it ripped the doorknob out of the door, making a semi sentient robot out of an old furby and a gameboy, naming it Grumbot then adopting it with Grian, and then accidentally setting his curtains on fire while he was testing a homemade microwave because he wants one in his room but couldn't afford to buy one.

Pearl is the same age as Grian in this, she is labeled the demon child by every other sibling except for Gem and Cleo but she embraces the title. She is called this because she is known to bring dangerous animals into the house and her room is half full of terrariums and tanks of animals. She has brought in multiple spiders and snakes from outside and kept them as pets, she also has a running joke of taping objects to the ceiling so they're upside down. Her biggest prank was attaching everything in grians room to the ceiling including his bed and nobody except Doc, Cleo and Pearl herself know how it happened.

Joel is somewhere between Grians age and Bdubs' age. He is known for getting caught while pranking people in the house consistently. Which is a good thing because most of his pranks will end in something catching fire. He has started multiple cults and has convinced people to give him money to 'support the religion' He makes way too much money from it because he has multiple siblings convinced that the made up gods are real. He uses this money to buy insane amounts of Lego's to build with. He shares them sometimes. He also has a girlfriend at his school (Lizzie) and also whatever odd thing with his friend (Sausage bc c!Joel is probs poly) whom he has 'joint custody' over a small child they babysit sometimes.

That's all of the hermits in the au, here is all of their age in order of oldest to youngest ig

Xisuma (32)

Doc (18)

Beef (18)

Etho (18)

Cleo (17)

Bdubs (17)

Ren (17)

Joel (16)

Mumbo (16)

Grian (15)

Pearl (15)

Cub (14)

Scar (14)

And here is the order in which they were adopted;

Cleo & Ren

[Two months later]

Grian & Scar

[One week later]

Cub

[Three months later]

Pearl

[Two and a half weeks later]

Mumbo

[The next day]

Joel

[Seven months later]

Doc, Beef, Etho & Bdubs

Here is how/ why they were adopted.

Cleo and Ren were both originally foster kids and X was fostering them. They were about to age out of the system and be forced to live without any real help so X offered to adopt them.

Grian and Scar were runaways from their sucky homes and survived on the streets for a total of three days before X found them while he was at a picnic with Cleo and Ren. He took them in pretty quick.

Cub was actually Scars friend from school who tutored him sometimes, while staying over for dinner one night X asked about his home life. Cub explained that he had been emancipated and lived on his own. X offered to let Cub stay for a bit and Cub never really left.

Pearl just appeared in X's yard one day trying to catch a frog who had hopped into it. X was trying to find out where her parents were and she just sat there very confused on the concept of a parent and she claimed she had just appeared in existence one day. X was going to put her in the foster system but decided to just adopt her.

Mumbo was a kid up for adoption that Grian knew and Grian spent about three weeks convincing X to adopt him before X finally agreed.

Joel was found injured am knocked out in the forest one day and a pink haired girl (Lizzie) carried him over to the first safe looking house and knocked on the door. She was let in until Joel woke up, Joel said he was from space and X had decided that wasn't the weirdest story he's been told and yoinked him. X was close to adopting Lizzie until he found out Lizzie already had parents.

Doc, Beef, Etho and Bdubs were lab escapees who were apparently tested on in a shut down lab a few towns over. They had been living on the streets for a few months before they were caught trying to steal from Xisumas kitchen at five in the morning. They were adopted instantly.

Should I write this as a multi POV book of one shots from the same universe and put it on ao3? This is an idea just now occurring to me.

[stellocchia]

I absolutely LOVE Jimmy's new prank.

Please, that's so fricking good!

I think we should consider this canon, just like with the toy Jimmy stuff. Joel isn't a god, he's just a very good illusionist. He's a scam artist.

And maybe it's not even his doing! Maybe that's just what the fountain does! It covers everything in pretty little illusions that fall away with the flick of a lever.

Joel's height? His beard? His whole floating kingdom? Nothing but a pretty illusion from the fountain. And he knows it. Oh, he knows it! That's why he's so insecure. That's why he has to constantly repeat to himself that he's tall, strong, and sexy. My man's a scam artist!

[veeisqueer]

I think the Seablings have cursed Grian to never gain a mending book because the amount of cod he has taken out of the sea. Which is ironic cause he is cod himself. Also Joel having flashbacks of S1 with all the cod.

Don't kill the cod, or else there shall be a punishment/hj

[bucketlmao]

super low quality screenshot wips of these fucking guys

grian namemc spoiler:

the guy from the lighthouse??? now I have not seen the lighthouse but I am vaguely aware that it Doesn't Go Very Well

[savviathan]

so they switched heights this season right

[knittedslug]

i love the mounders bc two of them are tall af and two of them are short af

[actualori]

joel headcanon: the hair glows in the dark

[horsemeatluvr23]

whenever joel sees pink blossom flowers, he collects them, dries them and keeps them tucked away in a little box, he doesn't know why exactly he seems to love the colour pink, it's almost like he's forgotten something or someone important linked with that colour

oh this one Hurts.........

[neoflames]

All Joel Smallishbeans characters are arospec and bisexual btw. Yeah, I know, I know, I don’t make the rules it’s just the truth sorry

[jamazzilblog]

Life Series as Demigods

Joel -> Zeus Cabin

Martyn -> Hecate Cabin

Tango -> Hephaestus Cabin

Scar -> Athena Cabin

Grian -> Hermes Cabin

Scott -> Eros Cabin

Lizzie -> Demeter Cabin

Pearl -> Hunter of Artemis

Jimmy -> Hebe Cabin

Ren -> Ares Cabin

Etho -> Poseidon Cabin

Skizz -> Nike Cabin

Bdoubs -> Aprhodite Cabin

Cleo -> Eris Cabin

Gem -> Ares Cabin

Mumbo -> Athena Cabin

BigB ->

Impulse ->

IMPORTANT!!!!

This are ofc just my interpretations of both the characters and the cabins, you can agree or disagree and that's totally fine!

Both BigB and Impulse are blank because I haven't seen enough of them to properly place them anywhere so I'd love to hear your thoughts on where those two would be as well as the others!

Yeah, this turned out as a silly but I ended up putting too much thought into it so there's that I guess akfndkddn

[hithisisboo]

A little Empires SMP thought. But, imagine little Hermes getting a little pair of wings and a little letter bag, and his first letter delivery without his dads is to go give Scott a letter.

And Sausage and Joel are just watching from Stratos as little Hermes makes his way over to Chromia.

And little Hermes knocks on the door of this colourful house, and a colourful man opens the door. And with a big, toothy grin Hermes announces, stumbling over his words, with a mix of accents, that he has a letter for Scott.

And all the letter is is just Joel writing a long winded explanation that Hermes got new wings and he wanted to deliver something without his daddies, and Scott was the closest.

But Hermes is very proud of himself, and flies all the way back to Stratos to tell his daddies about his adventure, oblivious to the fact that the two were watching him through spyglasses.

Also, I like the idea of Hermes being exposed to two different cultures, and picking up both accents. And his clothes are like a mix of both cultures.

Am I getting attached to an armour stand?

[rosegoldenatlas]

boat boys headcanon

okay so I wasn't big into boat boys because I had jizzie and joelxsausage but I am slowly losing content and the boat boys appeared like a prophesy so now its an addiction. Here are some relationship headcanons I have for boatboys and some of my reasons.

Joel called Etho 'petal' as a petname as a way to tease him. So then Etho called Joel 'flower' and now its a consistent petname for each of them. (This is cause I love the Japanese inspired builds and I feel like this really fits them)

They leave notes around each others bases whenever they miss each other.

This isn't strictly boat boys but Joel is a tsundere and Etho is a kudere if you wish to fight me on this meet me at Denny's at two am with your weapon.

Joel is way more easily flustered than Etho but would rather die than admit it.

Etho on the other hand gets flustered a little bit but he recovers quicker to make a snappy comeback.

Joel's love languages are gift giving and words of affirmation while Ethos love languages are quality time and acts of service.

I'm newer to boat boys so this will be expanded upon later. Good day my fellow soldiers.

[stellocchia]

Thinking of Secret Life SMP hybrid headcanons right now...

Grian would be a parrotlet. They're the smallest group of parrots and I feel like with how pathetic he's been this season he deserves to be just a little guy. He's still a pesky bird who, as season 6 proved, can definitely cause some mischief despite his reduced size, but he's a little guy anyway.

Jimmy is not a canary. Because, yes, he may have the canary curse, but that's just a fancy name for the curse, not necessarily his hybrid type. No, my man is a dog. He's a goddamn chihuahua. He's all bark and annoying but you take a single threatening step toward him and he shivers in fear.

On the topic of dogs, Martyn is a pomeranian. I'm specifically making him a small dog too because, despite wanting to act cool at the end of session 6, he is still very much the one who was first on yellow and red. My man is not big dog-coded.

Now, unpopular opinion, but Scar is a raccoon hybrid. He's a mischievous chaotic menace of a man. A little criminal ready to scam, commit arson, kill, and steal. He's a raccoon. He hasn't burrowed under anyone's house yet (that I remember at least) but that wouldn't be out of character either. Honestly, I'm appalled by the fact that this isn't a far more popular headcanon for him.

And, before I move on from dogs, Etho is also dog-coded. Specifically an Akbash (big white golden retriever-looking fuckers used for the protection of livestock). I just feel like the protectiveness and overall vibe fit him very well.

Finally, moving on from dogs. Cleo is obviously a zombie hybrid. There are no two ways around it. Though this does allow for my little headcanon that, having to learn on their own skin how to sew they became really good and really quick and they're the ones making all the new outfits for everyone else.

Gem meanwhile is specifically a sculk hybrid. Though I like to think that that came about when she opened the portal. She was a deer hybrid before (mostly because I like the subversion of expectations with a "prey" hybrid so to speak being arguably the most bloodthirsty person on the server) and then it spread like an infection. I figure by now her infected half straight-up looks something like Belos monster for from TOH:

Scott is something like a Reakirt’s Blue Butterfly. Both because the colors match him, and because he is kinda The Social Butterfly. My man is always out and about mingling with others. He's so friendly that he literally didn't struggle to pull off the "love you" challenge when everyone admitted that no one else would have been able to. It would be a waste not to make him some kind of butterfly at least.

Now, for Impulse I have something less reasoned, I just think the idea of him being an imp called Impulse is way too funny to resist. And he is way more of a mischievous one than I usually see people talk about. I've seen the phasmophobia stream where he killed everyone with the cursed items several times in a row just because he wanted to try them out. I know what he's capable of.

Meawhile his bestie Skizz is so capibara coded it's unreal. Like, don't get me wrong, he's plenty chaotic. But also you will never find anyone more lawful good in the Life Series than him. I've been thinking this since Love Island was founded. My man is the king of chilling with everyone. (Aside from Jimmy, rip Jimmy).

At the risk of being boring, I also like seeing Tango as a salamander hybrid. Exclusively because of the mythological connection between salamanders and fire. Also, the idea that every time he's flying (though it's funnier if it's also when he's simply jumping) he's nothing but a ball of fire with a lizard tail is very funny to me.

BigB is a hard one because I've only watched a couple of episodes from his POV so I'm not quite as familiar with the lore surrounding him as I am with the others. So I'm not sure. I want to say enderman because of his cryptid vibes this season, but he's not one of the characters with the biggest connection to the end. Those are mostly BDubs, Gem, and Lizzie, so I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.

Talking about BDubs, why are there no ender dragon hybrid headcanons for him around? I think it would be incredibly ironic if the dragon slayer was a dragon himself. Also, his house is under the Earth just like the End portals. Trust me, it makes so much sense. He's small but so full of righteous anger.

Pearl is no hybrid, she's literally just a witch. I've seen the WITCH animatic and that fundamentally changed my view of her forever. Before I would have said a moth hybrid of some kind because I do like moth Pearl, but I love that specific interpretation so much it's unreal. She is a witch with an army of hellhounds at her back and call.

Mumbo is a vampire because I've seen some art of vampire Mumbo at some point in time and it hasn't left my head since. Also, he's one of the players with the highest bloodlust every time he turns red. We're 2 for 2 on that with his appearances in the Life series. And it's usually also what leads to his demise. So I feel like that would be fitting for a vampire.

Meanwhile, my dearly beloved blorbo Joel is a honey-badger. This is a headcanon that is incredibly dear to me and I've never seen around but it's literally SO FITTING. The absolute crackhead energy, the lack of self-preservation, and the surprising sturdiness as time and time again he gets himself in impossible situations and still manages to survive until pretty much the end are all that exact honey-badger vibe. Like, just thinking of him summoning a hoard of zombies to fight off several infected and surviving for quite a while in those conditions just, really proves my point. Enough said.

Lizzie meanwhile is a very sad sopping wet cat. Just absolutely miserable. One of those cats who look like they're constantly grumpy. The frown has deepened ever since no one came to her party and she's still frowning in the void of death.