#so I'm asking anyway XD

[mewtwoandme]

Ya know, I haven't made a poll in a while, and this is a good reason as any to make one, cause I've been curious about this.

I have a few upcoming arcs and milestone events planned. The one's I'm listing here are official, but keep in mind I might think up more as the story progresses. But I wanna know, just out of these options:

[cuubism]

hello friends. despite my 9 million existing dreamling wips i'm feeling the need to branch out a bit for the sake of my mental variety. what pairing other than dreamling should i write a little something for? could be romantic or platonic

other way of phrasing i guess: any pairings you really want to see more fics for in the fandom?

[mcyt-cats]

some day I'm gonna be both a big MC streamer and have a herd of cats

and then maybe I will be featured on this cute cat blog as well, among other cool things that come with being a big MC streamer and having a herd of cats

I will be waiting for that day :)

In the meantime, I do accept cats belonging to small streamers! I may not keep up with them as well, but that's where you guys come in. I will try to post things when I receive them in my inbox. Please include your name/name of the streamer and, if it is different, the channel name. I like to link the channels on the post for visibility for smaller creators.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Dancing with the devil...

@estelletheskeleton forgot to add this here but here you go >:Dc

[seamsterspell]

Why do you think Levi only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange?

What a surprise! Hello there anon!

Oh, I actually like this question very much >:D I’m sure there are many explanations out there by all the amazing people in the fandom regarding this topic. However, since you asked for my opinion, then I will gladly give my two cents regarding this topic.

Let's see if I can put my psychology degree to good use.

Disclaimer: since I'm a levihan slut, I'm sure you know what to expect from this. Also, English is not my first language, so please forgive me if you found any mistakes :D

First of all, we know that Levi had never said “Dedicate your heart” before (as suggested by Hange). 

If that’s the case, then why did he never say that before? Well, I think it’s because he wasn’t your typical by-the-book soldier. Unlike most people in the corps, Levi joined under a special circumstance. We know that he didn’t voluntarily enlist himself as a trainee so he could join the Survey Corps and heroically save humanity from all the titans. Instead, he joined the corps because Erwin personally scouted him. Because of that, he didn't have any particular or specific reason to join it in the first place (unlike let’s say Eren or even Hange), he even planned on quitting the corps at one point. His reason for staying in the corps—other than his belief in Erwin—was just as simple as: “I like the fresh air of the outside world.”

EDIT: Okay, I just want to make myself clear. I'm not saying that his motivation in joining the corps was so shallow or even implying that he does not care a bit for humanity. He cares obviously, if he didn't then we would not have Captain Levi in our SNK story. What I meant by my statement above was to highlight how simple he was as a soldier. Like, he didn't need a grand motivation to join in the first place, because he just knew that staying in the corps was the good thing to do. He risked his life everyday in battles just for a simple wish of breathing the fresh air. He wanted the people in the wall to be free from the stinky air, because for him freedom is in the mundane things in life. To quote my other post: "His simplicity is what makes him kind."

Also, I made a follow-up post regarding my interpretation of Levi's character here. You don't have to read it, but if you want to know how I see Levi as a character, I hope that post can help.

But anyway, since he was scouted under a special condition (as well as having enormous strength as a soldier), I think he somehow had a privilege in the corps to fuck around and be as “disrespectful” as he wanted to be. Not to mention Erwin became a commander around a year after Levi joined, so my man was probably living his best nepotism/VIP life. Therefore, I would think that Levi wasn’t as strict with the rules as other soldiers. He wasn’t the kind of soldier who kept preaching about "dedicate your life" to others. He just came to work, did his job, and went home (just like me fr). I’m not saying he doesn’t care about humanity (he cares obviously) it’s just he doesn’t express it in a traditional soldier way.

No wonder we all were so surprised when he did say THAT WORDS to Hange. It wasn't like him at all. Even Hange was caught off guard by him saying it, right?

But then, this raises another question, why is it when he finally said it, he only said it to Hange? Why, for instance, he didn’t say it to Erwin? I mean, both Erwin and Hange went on a suicide mission. Moreover, out of all the people that we know in the story, we can see that Levi shares many significant moments in the narrative with these two. If that’s the case, then why did he say different things to each of them?

For me, the answer is quite simple, it’s because Levi is an empathetic person. Both “Give up on your dreams and die for us” and “Dedicate your heart” that he said to Erwin and Hange respectively were something that he believed they needed to hear at THAT moment. It was his last words for them right before they died, his last comfort.

He told Erwin to give up on his dreams and die because at that moment, when their troops were cornered by the beast titan, Erwin showed his vulnerable side to Levi. Erwin admitted that he actually had a plan (albeit a suicidal one for him and the rest of the soldiers) to defeat the beast titan but he withheld it at first because: 1) he didn’t want to die because he wanted to see the basement; and 2) he didn’t want to send any more soldiers into their death because he was being haunted by the ghost of the past soldiers who had dedicated their heart to his plan.

Therefore, Levi, out of his compassion for Erwin, took the burden of making that painful choice from Erwin’s hand. He even made a promise to kill the beast titan, as if to say that all of their death wouldn’t be in vain. He said it to make Erwin feel better, which is why Erwin smiled after Levi said that. 

I think the same explanation can be said for Hange's situation. However, to understand why he only said “Dedicate your heart” to Hange, I think we need to talk about the nature of their relationship first. First of all, they were close friends, that is obvious. They had known each other for quite a long time and they had gone on many missions together (and survived), so their bond was strong. To quote Moblit from that one Smartpass AU he shares with Levi: “[Levi and Hange have] a special kind of bond from spending many years together. It’s something that Moblit didn't have with [Hange].”

Speaking of Levi, one of the things that I feel people tend to overlook from Levi is his caring nature. He cares for his squads, for humanity as a whole, and especially for his trusted comrades (e.g. Erwin and Hange). However, since he isn’t exactly a very eloquent person, he has a weird way of showing his affection, like when he told Erwin that he would break his legs so he didn't have to join the dangerous operation to retake Shiganshina. Fortunately, since Erwin knew Levi’s character, he understood the meaning behind his words. Although for most people, it was probably hard to tell. 

Other than Erwin, the other person who could see Levi’s kindness was of course Hange—who also received a lot of care from Levi. It might be because of the nature of her job (getting too close to titans for her experiments + her role as a commander later) and because of her tendency to be a little bit reckless as well as forgetful of taking care of herself when excited (which was why she had Moblit by her side) that made Levi feel the need to pay a lot of attention to her.

And by a lot, I mean A LOT. 

This is just my opinion, but in the canon, I noticed that Levi is actually the one who expresses or initiates a lot of actions toward Hange (believe me, my man is working overtime):

Asking about her new “hobby” in rocks (after Annie’s capture).

Noticing her distress after Pastor Nick’s death and trying to lift her spirit up.

Calming her down when she was upset at Keith Shadis when he finally told the truth about Grisha's past & his reason for leaving his commander position in Survey Corps.

Thinking about Hange’s safety during missions (after Bertholdt’s transformation in Shiganshina and when she was attacked by one of Kenny’s men in the Reiss Chapel).

Telling her to not touch some random things at the beach.

Telling Moblit to take care of Hange because he can't be always by her side (Smartpass AU)

Knocking Hange out to forcibly bathe her (Smartpass AU). Also, the way he worded it in a way that "yeah I don't like her filthiness when I'm off-duty, so I took it upon myself to clean her." I see you...

Levi saving Hange from being hit on the head by a bunch of books + telling her to change her wet clothes (Smartpass AU)

Well you get what I mean. Anyway—at least for me—he doesn’t seem to do this solely because of Hange’s lack of self-care. I think he shows a lot of care for Hange because she’s important to him, which is of course exacerbated when they became the last two veterans to survive after the operation to take back Shiganshina. After so much lost, he clearly saw her as the last person he’s close to. I mean, in one of the Smartpass AU, she was the first person that came to his mind when he was asked about his family.

Not only that, I think he generally likes Hange as a person because she saw him for who he truly was. Like, remember their first meeting, Hange was the only one who was willing to approach Levi (while everyone was sceptical of him) and she did it purely out of admiration. She genuinely was impressed by him and wanted to get to know him better. A gesture that might be alien to Levi, which explains why he was unsure at first about Hange, but it seemed after many missions together, Hange was eventually able to earn his trust. Hange became a person who could freely tease him (him being a clean freak + their poop jokes) as well as became a walking dictionary for him (the way she translates Levi's words to Eren).

On the other hand, contrary to Levi, I noticed that Hange tend to be more neutral with Levi. I’m not saying that Hange did not care for him. I mean, when she found his injured body, she became so protective of him that she willingly risked her life by jumping into the lake so she could save him.

There was also this one scene of her trying to comfort him when he learned that titans was actually a human. Moreover, she also considered him to be her closest friend in the Survey Corps.

I believe she rarely showed her caring side to him because she knew that he is a capable fellow, and so she didn’t think he needed her help in particular. I don't think she had ever think that this man, the strongest man in the world, would ever sustain a horrible injury or even die. Sadly, she thought wrong. When she found his injured and dying body (chapter 115), Hange had to face a horrible realisation that she could actually lose him.

Then, in chapter 126, we finally saw Hange taking care of Levi. She killed two soldiers to protect them. She also tended and healed his injury with so much care. In my opinion, being confronted by the mortality of the only person that she had left in the world, Hange most likely learned—the hard way—about how important Levi had actually become to her. Thus she was willing to do anything for him.

When this realisation mixed with her exhaustion from the war, she finally reached her breaking point. With no one but an unconscious Levi by her side, the passionate-happy-go-lucky researcher and the ever-so-composed commander of the Survey Corps found herself gradually letting down her guard to show her weakness, her feelings. In her vulnerability, she weakly expressed how she would rather live with him in the woods, away from the chaos outside. Like, can you believe this Hange, who always fought for humanity’s sake said, “Humanity be damned, I would rather spend the time I have left with you.” 

I think this explains why her confession in chapter 126 caught us (the fandom) off guard, because not only it was out of character for her, but also for the first time, she showed her feelings to Levi.

Later we know that Levi heard about her “confession” but since he also knew that Hange would never ever run away, he instead encouraged her to do the things that she believed in, and that was to stop Eren from committing genocide. However, I think her words had never left him, even after they left the woods. Because as you can see in chapter 132, he somehow made a seemingly random remark to her about how her feelings are not always unrequited. As if he knew which feelings of her that is requited. 

Consequently, we finally came to the big question. We see in chapter 132 that before Hange embarked on her suicide mission, Levi did something that was so out of character for him. He touched her heart and said, “Dedicate your heart”.

Why did he do this?

To repeat my answer above, it’s most likely because he knew that it was exactly the things that she needed to hear the most. So he said it out of empathy. But isn’t it too short or even too formal for a goodbye between two close friends? Well, we have to take into consideration that Hange could read Levi like a book (remember their iconic telepathy?). She could easily translate his roundabout words and expressions, thus he didn’t need to write an essay for her. Which is why “dedicate your heart” was more than enough for both of them.

Moreover, I also infer that the reason why he never said “Dedicate your heart” while he was a soldier before was because he probably thought that he didn't necessarily have to give his heart to the corps and humanity. Again, he didn't have a grand reason to fight in the first place, and so he just wanted to do what he thought was good: to lend all his strength to help humanity. Therefore, by saying it for the first time in front of her, he seemingly wanted to show her how important and special she was to him. As if he was saying that he wants to dedicate himself only to her.

Hence, his gesture and words to Hange combined with all the preceding events (especially events in chapters 126 and 132), I could say that behind those three words, he was actually telling her: “Hey, the things you said in the woods, it was not unrequited. I actually feel the same way as you. I want to live with you as well, which is why I don't want you to go. However, I know I can't stop you because you’ve dedicated your heart to the freedom of humanity. So, I’ll let you go, but before you go I want you to know that you’re the only person I’m dedicating my heart to. My heart is yours.”

I'm not Hange so I don't think my translation is accurate HAHA but that's how I see it.

In conclusion, Levi had only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange because: 1) he knew it would make her feel better/happy and special; and 2) it was also his answer to her soliloquy in the woods (it was his way of telling her that they share mutual feelings).

-----

So yeah, that’s my opinion. I hope I was able to express myself clearly :D

Also, I can't believe you are asking me this, anon. No one ever asked me about my opinion before. Usually, people come for me for my silly fanfic(s) xD 

ANYWAY, your question is very much appreciated! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts regarding Levi, especially his relationship with Hange. This was fun to write (and research!), I really enjoyed the process!

Although it was a bit painful too tbh because I had to reopen my old wound by rereading chapters 126 and 132 :') You did it anon, you made me cry... at 12.30 AM T_T)b

[spacebubblehomebase]

What app and what pencil do you use :3?

(I send u big hugs and hav a nice day :D♡)

Hehe. (Hugs back. I like hugs. XD) I believe someone else had a similar question before! I made this art then too to demonstrate how I use, Ibis Paint. The free beginner friendly drawing app! (No I'm not sponsored-) And as for the "pens", I usually go for the default brushes. As in the first basic ones you find on the app! ^v^ I've been promoting this idea for years and I'll never get tired of saying it! While fancier equipment IS nice, skills can ultimately outclass tools any day! =D In fact, sometimes limiting yourself can hone your creativity as it forces you to work with what you have and invent new ways of experimenting with materials that are often overlooked! That's how I learned. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ -Bubbly💙

[aparticularbandit]

Favorite Mugi hcs?

Also if ya need someone to talk to my DMs are always open

Thanks for the question (and the offer)! <3

My Tsumugi headcanon currently falls into two separate things, so I'll share a bit from both!

The Twist Does Not Exist:

Tsum-Tsum! ...because then even her nickname is a reference. >.>;; (Also some people make this zoom zoom to reference a certain Mazda commercial, but she hates that. It annoys her. The only person who gets away with this is probably Junko. Who also probably came up with the original nickname in the first place.)

Always has some sort of show on in the background while she's doing stuff (homework, cosplay, housework; Tsumugi is constantly tuned into something). Her favorite shows, she full in pays attention, she's not multitasking, she's analyzing, she's looking at art design, she's coming up with new cosplay ideas, but most shows are on in the background while she's doing something else. There's kind of a scale with this - the more she cares, the less she does. Creating cosplay during the show is top tier of multitasking before she goes full in.

Has definitely worked in a cosplay cafe. At least once. At least once. (She's not comfortable about being in the spotlight, but it's easier when she's in cosplay as a character who loves the spotlight. Because then she's not her.)

Is drawn to louder, more energetic characters.

If she sees someone cute, she immediately wants to put them in cosplay. Like full-on sparkle in her eyes, will drag them into a bathroom/changing room, need. (If you've seen/read Fruits Basket - like Mine, from Ayame's shop! But Tsumugi and cosplay.) Kind of like immediately dragging Kaede to the bathroom to show off her cospox. That same energy. But for a different reason.

Actually does not have a lot of friends. She knows that the intensity of her interests can turn people off, so she doesn't talk much. But this backfires because it makes her come across as shy. Boring. Plain. She's not very good at fitting in with people's expectations. So she's pretty lonely, actually.

Tsumugi was actually a LOT more popular when she was in elementary school because she could make pretty clothes and kids like pretty clothes so everybody wanted her pretty clothes because she always looked pretty. But there's an age where, like, you grow out of sparkles and frills and big bows and all of that and kind of shove that off into only costumes or only cosplay, and when that happened, Tsumugi just. became. a background NPC in her own life.

Without cosplay, Tsumugi would actually be severely depressed. Cosplay lets her life have color; without it, everything is grayscale and monochrome.

The Twist Exists:

Tsumugi Shirogane is not her real name. It's an alias.

Her real name is Yuki Tsukasa. Yuki - "snow" - because the fandom wiki says that one of the meanings for Shirogane is a metaphor for "snow" and Tsukasa because it means "director, boss".

Definitely dating the girl who got her into cosplay. They are together, they have been together for a long time, they've talked about kids, etc.

Most people don't know she works for Team Danganronpa, and even the ones who do don't know how high up she is in the company. Only her girlfriend knows she's one of the showrunners.

Yuki has gotten death threats from her work on Danganronpa. A lot of the people involved have. That's why her alias exists in the first place: everyone in the credits for a Danganronpa season uses one. Fans can be terrifying to Team Danganronpa, particularly the writers, which is why she just. doesn't talk about it. (She loves her job. She's scared of fans. Reasonably so.)

Would absolutely live in her office if she didn't have a girlfriend to go home to. She's a bit of a workaholic. (She and her girlfriend definitely have fought about this. It didn't change anything.)

Since her co-showrunner's passing, Yuki has been under a lot of stress. They were very good at covering each other's writing weaknesses, and now she's under a lot of pressure to make the show just as good on her own as it was when there were two of them. (She has refused to take on another partner. Danganronpa is theirs. She has very strong opinions about this.)

A lot of characters in the shows have references to people she knows in real life, whether that's personality quirks or traits, or appearances, or even using their names. Most of it is stuff you wouldn't know unless you know.

Despite, as a writer, hating the unknown of having an audience-controlled character, Yuki doesn't hate K1-B0 as a character concept. She just hates the potential for destruction he has. (So she baked it into him from the outset.)

Her use of K1-B0 is actually really smart because Yuki had to accurately predict the way fans would react to any situation where they were given options to do things (I assume polls for major decisions or FTEs, and then those decisions set him on a specific script) - like she had to know they would spend all that time with Miu so that K1-B0 could get those upgrades, she had to make sure that those decisions wouldn't fuck up the script but instead lean into them and give him a good arc and involvement in the story regardless what the fans picked. Like Yuki has to have her thumb on the beating pulse of fandom to be able to do a good job with that, and I applaud her.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

I love your take on Mommy Long Legs and how it’s a critique on what society forces young girls to become from far too young an age.

Thank you! Honestly I was surprised and dissapointed when chapter 2 refused to delve into these themes the moment they introduced Mommy Long Legs. Like? Everything is there? You have a child who was put into the body of a cartoony version of a grown woman called Mommy and who was forced to mother everyone else, and you are just. Like. NOT going to explore that???? While said Mommy character had an official partner named Daddy and a baby????? Literally everything is RIGHT THERE. Why didn't they do anything with that, oh my God!

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

What are your favorite Chase moments from the show so far?

Just like with Zuma's post, it's in no specific order, I just really loved all these moments

That first Mission PAW episode when the Princess chose specifically HIM to be the watch dog and guard her crown. That was so adorable I can't even. He seemed so genuinely proud and happy there! Plus he's so damn cute wearing that tux lol

When they were going to rescue Skye and Chase was so worried upon hearing that she was the one in need of rescue. Then when Ryder was choosing which pups would be part of the rescue, that moment he was like "Pick meee pick meeee-"?? That was so cute, he really cares about her and wanted to impress her so bad lmao personally make sure she would be safe (Bonus points for his excitement over being picked for the rescue and everyone else like Go ahead king, we all know you wanted this XD)

The entire time he spent with the owlet and working to rescue the mama owl from that fallen tree. It was so sweet!! The fact I also love owls surely didn't help AUSHAUSHAUSHAU I love that episode SO MUCH

That moment when he finally turned into a Merpup. Poor boy was so fixated on "being on duty" despite wanting SO BAD to go and participate in "the fun". And he couldn't even enjoy being a merpup immediately because he was transformed just because he needed to swim faster for the rescue but he was so overjoyed anyway! Only after that mess, he could go and finally have the fun he wanted and deserved so much.

That moment in the first Sea Patrol episode when he and Skye were left behind at the beach while the rest of the team went on the first mission with the Sea Patroller. His face upon SEEING the HQ turn into a ship and sail away was just priceless XD (Also it's rare to see Chase being put on the sidelines for once lmao)

The first Ultimate Rescue episode!! God, Chase was SO HAPPY. He's THE Police Pup, he gets to lead the mission, supervise, plan, give orders. And the way all the other pups clearly loved the experience and were SO ON BOARD with being Police Pups with him, it was just awesome!

So far these are my favorite moments! Actually I legit just got to watch this first Ultimate Rescue episode like one hour ago. Not to mention it took me five days to think of these moments and then go find the episodes again to take the respective screenshots XD

[kindlythevoid]

♾️

Bitter Water by The Oh Hello's !!! :D I must say I wasn't expecting that one, but here we are!!

I must say, I'm very impressed, Helix, considering I don't believe I had actually reblogged the original post yet. XD Imagine my surprise when I saw this in my inbox when I had only liked it!!

Thank you for the message, I truly appreciate it!!

Kindly,

The Void

[pigeonstab]

Bringing you a big hug to take to college with you!! It'll be okay, just give yourself plenty of time to settle in and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, okay? Everybody else is either also just starting and scared or they've been there before and know what it's like. You're gonna be amazing!! ♥

thank you so much?? T T gdfhshfbsdfhb that's so sweet, thank you sm, you're like my best friend on this app.

[syb-la-tortue]

Sigh. I do very much miss your pirate stuck art, although I also miss cosplaying, haven't really had a chance since the pandemic, and nothing in this world will part me from my captain karkat cosplay lol...anyway, you mentioned in a previous post that you might put your art together and repost it somewhere, and/ or post more lore regarding pirate stuck...what about a digital artbook of sorts? Like something people could pay a fee to download? That way you'd be somewhat recompensed for the tedium of having to reupload everything. I know I'd be willing to pay, and I feel like I'm not the only one. Lol also a friend's son got us to start watching one piece and I blame part of the fact that it's begun to grow on me on you. Ps, you might not remember me, I've been off Tumblr for years.

I do remember you!! :3 at least your username is vividly familiar to me as one I saw often back in the day in a way that gives me positive feelings toward you~

doing a digital artbook thing (or like, many artbooks) that people could download for a couple bucks is pretty much what I have in mind of doing, I just,,,,,, have to do it,,,,,,, a very hard project to start when I keep thinking of the little hurdles in the way u_u like all the piratestuck lore! which I'd love for it to not be lost to the void but as it is it only exists as dozens of asks scattered through hundreds of posts that I to be fair are saved in a sort of backup but not easily searchable @_@

[daughterofhecata]

Warum sammeln wir Bill trivia 👀

...weil ihr mir den "shandrews but make it henry/bill" Floh ins Ohr gesetzt habt und ich versuche, ein Gefühl für Bill zu kriegen, bevor ich potenziell etwas damit mache.

[rosecoloredtease]

just a little sneak peak bts shoots for later this month ▪️◼️◾⬛

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

YOU'RE GREAT

what about Error but with vitiligo?

-anon

right away boss >;Dc <333

[dingoat]

[Ugh do you know how HARD this one was for me to figure out when we still have so much BETWEEN THEM to work out??? Have they told each other they love one another yet? Will they, would they? Anyway I did my best and it still hurt >.> ~750 words on the theme of pining for the impossible and a big big problem with bonded souls.]

You're Not Mine

She didn’t want to think about the time drawing to an end, she almost didn’t… want to keep progressing, knowing that every step forward she took in gaining control over her wild half also drew her a step closer to having to… leave.

She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to be apart. She wanted him to come with her even though she knew it was impossible, he never would, and yet she could not stay here forever, the thought of drawing out her return to the fox left her writhing with guilt. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, and yet all she could do was cling onto every moment she had  while it was still there for her to hold.

“Ahuska,” Thirteen’s voice was gently amused. “How about you not dig in those claws like you’re holding on for dear life.”

“Sorry, sorry-” she winced and pulled back her hands from around his waist, folding them self consciously against her chest only to have one of his strong, long-fingered hands wrap around hers and tug it gently back to his side.

She shivered, then sighed, and tucked her face under his chin. “It’s not fair,” she whispered, as she had countless times before.

He knew what she meant. He felt what she meant. And he softly sighed in kind, knowing he could no more lie to her than cut out his own tongue. “It isn’t,” he agreed, moving his hand to rub slow, comforting circles between her shoulderblades.

“I don’t want a life without you in it,” she murmured, her muzzle sleek and soft against his jawline.

And it hurt him, as it hurt her, and he was silent for a while as he tried to find the words that would help her understand why she yearned for the impossible. “Ahuska. I love you, but you’re not mine,” he whispered, but as sweet and earnest as his tone was, he couldn’t guard against the way her heart twisted to hear it.

“Why not, why not? Your heart is big enough for me as well, I know it, I know it…”

“Big enough for your love, maybe,” he said, his hand sliding to the back of her head, fingers weaving through her hair, hoping to soothe her before speaking further. Their hearts shared their melancholy, their wistfulness, their frustration at a galaxy that had pressed them together when they could not be. He tilted his head and kissed the bridge of her muzzle. “Your love, but not your hate.”

“What- what?” She gave her head a fierce little shake against his face. “I don’t hate you. I never hated you, you know I don’t blame you for the way anything happened…”

“Five,” Thirteen said, and the way she twisted against him, her response so deep and visceral that the revulsion echoed in his own heart, only made him more certain.

She hid her grimace by tucking her face between his neck and the cushion, but she could do nothing to keep her own feelings from him. “So what?  You’re not him.”

“But I love him,” Thirteen answered simply. “You have every right to hate him, and I would never ask you to change that, to forgive him for my sake.”

“So what’s…”

“I don’t blame you for your feelings. But I can’t stand to feel them for myself, and I’m sure you don’t appreciate sharing mine.”

She didn’t.

Opening her heart to him had been… oh, it had been everything, to know one another so perfectly, man and bothan and wolf and hawkbat, but she knew how carefully they skirted around the subject of Five. She didn’t want their bond tainted with an awareness of Thirteen’s love and loyalty for him…

And how could Thirteen go to him, with Ahuska’s seething aversion simmering in the back of his mind?

How could she do that to him?

“Don’t,” he whispered, feeling her on the verge of spiralling. “You’re bigger than the mess life made of you. You’ll be unstoppable one day, and you won’t need me.”

She shuddered, and closed her eyes as she tucked herself more closely against him. “But I want you.”

“And right now you have me,” he reminded her as he kissed her on the forehead. Please, gods. He fought to convince himself as strongly as he wished it for her. Let it be enough.