#so a loss is easier to accept for him than it is for Bad or Aypierre

[qsmprambling]

Wait Bolas tried to recruit Tubbo???

Thank you Tubbo for saying you wouldn't betray your team and when Slime and Cellbit said they betrayed him he said "They're just misunderstood!"

Everyone in Soulfire had reasons for their actions yesterday, and Tubbo knows that even if he's upset/frustrated. Even if it wasn't the case, why take the leader away from a group of 12 when only 2 of them caused an issue? Don't try and break up Soulfire like that!

[crazyunsexycool]

Between the pages of a journal

Pairing: Stucky x 40s!Reader

Summary: You had been in a relationship with Steve and Bucky up until the time they went off to war only to lose them both. Years later when Steve and Bucky have reunited the receive the letters and journals you had written. Through them they learn about your life without them.

word count: 6.0k

Warnings: character death, the blip/snap, implied domestic violence, major angst, some fluff... let me know if I forgot something.

A/N: Not really sure how I feel about the ending but over all I loved writing this and I hope you like it too.

Steve stood with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands as he looked down at the slightly dirty headstone. One that sat towards the back of the small cemetery with your name on it. His fingers trace over your name after placing the flowers down. The date of your death mocks him. It was the day he woke up. The day that he had come back to life was the day yours had ended. In fact the difference had only been a few hours from the time that you closed your eyes for the last time and the time he opened his. 

On good days Steve was grateful for that. You didn’t have to watch him walk back into your life looking as he did all those years ago while you were stuck in a bed, withering away. Wishing you had been able to live the life they had both promised you. On bad days he hated he didn’t get to say goodbye. But he had already been through the process of seeing someone he loved die when Bucky fell off the train. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do that with you. It had been you who begged him not to go. The fear in your eyes when Bucky got his orders still haunts him and it doubled when he told you he had been accepted. Now all that Steve has is the headstone with your name on it to grieve for both of his greatest loves. And he did it often.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope. 

Something Steve hadn’t felt in a long time. It bloomed in his chest the longer he looked at his long lost love. But just as quickly it faded.

“Bucky?” Steve stood in the middle of the street. Chaos erupting all around as he looked at the brunette with confusion and concern. 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” 

Just as quickly as he was there, Bucky was gone. Steve tried to look for him but there was no use. He had been arrested along with Nat and Sam. 

If there was one single word to describe Steve Rogers at the moment it would be determined. As much as it hurt that his oldest friend and lover didn’t recognize him. Steve knew he had to save Bucky. If not for him than for you. It was one of the promises he made to you the morning he left. He would keep Bucky safe and they would come back home to you. At least now he could keep half of the promise. 

The next time Steve would see Bucky it would be in a helicarrier. Blow by blow Steve tried to remind Bucky of who he was, what they meant to each other. In the end Bucky walked away after saving Steve. Still it was better knowing he was out and free than knowing that he was still under hydra’s control. 

It would take some time but eventually Steve would find Bucky once again. With time and help, Bucky was free of hydra’s control and they slowly rebuilt their relationship. Soon Bucky began to remember you as well. 

Now Steve didn’t feel so lost or so alone. The ache of loss was still there but it was made easier when he was able to turn in bed and find Bucky asleep next to him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were many things Bucky and Steve needed to adjust to in the modern times they were now living in. Being able to love each other without fear of being persecuted was a liberating experience. So they found themselves walking hand in hand on a beautiful Saturday afternoon through a small park in Brooklyn. The same park that the three of you frequented when you didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

You always packed a picnic and your journal, Bucky always had a new book to read out loud and Steve always had his sketchbook and pencils. There was one specific tree the three of you preferred to sit under. It was close to a small pond with the best shade and it was surrounded by bushes which afforded you the privacy the three of you craved.

 While to the outside world it looked like you were being chaperoned by Steve while on a date with Bucky, the reality was that you were dating them both. This little corner of the park allowed the three of you to be free to love, touch and kiss each other as you wished. 

It was this tree that provided cover for the three of you so long ago that Steve and Bucky came to look for now. Where Bucky carved your initials in the trunk within a heart. They hoped the tree was still there and they were gladly surprised that it was, initials included. The only difference though was the fact that there was a wrought iron bench in the once cleared space. Steve and Bucky make their way over.

“Y/N, would have loved to have a bench here.” Steve commented as he sat down. 

Bucky hummed in agreement as he inspected the small plaque screwed into the armrest. 

“Steve, look at this.” 

The blond leans over to look at the inscription. His breath catches in his throat.

‘Til the end of the line. 

A couple of tears hit the small plaque. Steve’s chin rests on Bucky’s shoulder and his arm wraps around the latter’s waist. They both just take a moment to look at it and appreciate that you had taken time and money to have this placed here in their honor. It felt like fate mocked them now that it was them that used this bench to remember you. For the remainder of their time in that park Steve and Bucky talk about their past, especially about you. 

“Remember when she chased Tommy Phillips down the street with a broom?” Steve chuckled but it took Bucky a moment before he smiled.

“He kept following her home, right? Always tried to ask her out whenever we weren’t there to walk with her.” 

“She ran right by me and only stopped because that cop was on the corner.”

Their smiles fade after a moment. 

“I wish she were here. She would definitely love all this shit.” Bucky said as he waved his hand around vaguely. 

Steve moved closer and gave Bucky a quick chaste kiss on the cheek before resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder. The blond took a deep breath before looking up at his love through his lashes. 

“It’s rude to stare.” 

“Well it’s not my fault you’re handsome.” Steve’s compliment makes Bucky blush. 

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.” 

“What is it?” 

“I think it’s time we go see her. I know she’ll want to see you.” 

Bucky looked up at him with a pained expression.

“What if she hates me?”

“She would never. She’s called me everyday since she heard you were alive.” 

“Ok, we’ll go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure I look ok?” Bucky asked as the couple stood in front of a door waiting for someone to answer their knocks. 

“You look great baby, and trust me she’ll just be happy to see you.” 

Steve had cupped Bucky’s face with his hands and leaned in to give him a kiss. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” 

They parted at the voice.

“Hey, watch your mouth.” 

“I can say the same about you James.”

A staring contest happened until Bucky looked down.

“I’ve missed you, Becca.” Bucky said as he looked at his younger yet older sister. She was shorter and her hair was fully gray. The wrinkles were evidence of the time that had passed but the mischievous glint in her eyes told a different story. 

She opened her arms and her brother gladly accepted the embrace. 

It had been a shock to Bucky to learn that he had one living relative. Well one living sister, he of course knew of the kids all three of his sisters had but he couldn’t seek them out. Mostly for safety but truly he kept his distance because of his guilt. Who would want someone like him in their family? 

When they finally pull away from each other in a hug that felt that lasted years and seconds at the same time, Becca cupped Bucky’s cheek softly. Her thumb moved back and forth on his cheek as he leaned into her touch. This time her eyes were full of tears and relief.

“I’ve missed you too. Now come in, we have so much to talk about.” She had grabbed Bucky’s hand like she did when she was younger and they had to cross the street. 

They made their way into Becca’s cozy living room and sat down. Steve took the armchair while Bucky and Becca sat together on the couch. The latter started telling both of them everything they missed after they had disappeared, from meeting her late husband to her children and grandchildren. There were tears and laughs exchanged. 

“I think we should head out Becs. But I’ll come by again soon.” Bucky promised as they all got up and headed towards the door. 

“You’re both welcome anytime.” 

They stop at the door, Bucky and then Steve hug Becca. Before the door is opened Becca speaks up again.

“Oh I can’t believe I almost forgot. I have something for you.” Becca shuffled along into the hallway and opened a door to a closet. “I’ll need your help Buck.” 

He walks up behind her and she points towards two boxes high up on a shelf. Bucky pulls the first one down and hands it over to Steve before grabbing the second one. 

“What’s in here?” Steve asks, his curiosity piqued.

“Letters and journals. They all belonged to Y/N. She wrote the letters whenever she missed you and you know she wrote in her journals all the time.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other and then back at Becca.

“Why did you keep them?” 

“Because she asked me too. The day she passed, I was with her and she asked me if I could hold on to them. Maybe someone would want to know about the love she had for both of you. It broke my heart when it was announced you were back.” She turned to Steve. “She would have loved to see you one last time.” 

“What happened to her?” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask earlier.” 

“We never stop thinking about her but it hurts to know she isn’t here anymore.” Steve says with a sad smile.

“When we were informed that you were both gone she was a wreck. Ma forced her to move in with us so that we could be there for her. She would stay up in your room for hours just writing. We could hear Y/N crying for hours on end. This was just her way of coping.”

Both men thanked her again and they were gone. On their way to their shared apartment in Brooklyn they didn’t really talk, each of them holding a box under their arm. It was heavier than anything they’ve carried in the past. It was all that was left of you.

They didn’t know it yet but their heart would break with every single letter or entry of your journal they read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 10th, 1945

My love,

I received your letter last night. I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. You know Bucky wouldn’t blame you, and neither do I. But please, if not for yourself than for me, take care of yourself. I don’t care that you have that serum, don't do anything reckless. We’ve already lost Bucky, I don’t know if I’d be able to live knowing I lost you too. 

I know you think the Barnes’ hate you but they don’t, they’re just as worried about you as they were about their son. They know how much we love Bucky and they can’t wait for you to come back home. 

I love you so much. I can’t wait to see you again.

Love, 

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

Steve tried and failed to swallow the lump in his throat, the tears won as they slowly trailed down his cheek and onto the aged paper. It was a response to the letter he had sent you, telling you about Bucky’s death. He felt so much guilt then, still did from time to time. Once Bucky was free of hydra’s hold he reassured Steve he wasn’t to blame. 

Steve was sure you’d blame him too. But the return to sender stamp with the date on the envelope the letter had gotten to him too late. It was just a day after he had crashed the plane into the ocean. Now decades later you gave him peace. Somehow he felt that it wasn’t fair. 

That night Bucky held Steve close. Placing soft kisses on his cheek and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normally when they didn’t have missions or early training both men loved to stay in bed, pretend the time they were living in wasn’t real, that you’d walk in through the door at any moment and take your place in between them. That your lips would search for theirs and your hands would roam their bodies as gently but demanding as they did before. 

This time when Steve woke up the spot next to him was empty. He got up and walked toward the living room, the closer he got the more he could hear small sobs and sniffles. When he rounded the corner he found Bucky sitting in the middle of the room. Letters and journals sat open around him. Bucky was currently reading a journal and when he heard Steve’s footsteps he looked up. His eyes were rimmed red, it was obvious he had been there a while. 

“What are you reading?” 

“Nothing.” Bucky held the notebook close to his chest. 

“If it’s nothing then I should be able to read it too.” 

Bucky shook his head as his grip on the journal tightened. He averted his eyes when Steve sat beside him and held his hand out. Reluctantly the brunette moved to hand the notebook over but stopped. 

“You have to remember she was grieving when she wrote it.” 

May 3rd, 1945

 What did I do to deserve this? We were supposed to be planning the rest of our lives. Now I have to plan two funerals. The only thing in those matching empty coffins was my heart. 

What am I supposed to do now? Everything I had planned was with Steve and Bucky. 

 I hate not knowing what comes next and I hate them for making me love them. How could they do this to me? How could they leave me alone?

Steve put the journal down and sighed. He remembers going to the cemetery and finding the headstone that was being removed with his name on it, the one to his left was Bucky’s. He’d never allowed himself to put too much thought into what that must have been like for you. Mostly because he would break his own heart thinking about you mourning them alone. He knew it wasn’t fair and there was nothing that he could do to make it right. 

After that day they became obsessed with your writing. There were years worth of it but they decided to pace themselves. Instead of sitting down and reading for hours they instead decided to read one letter and one journal entry a day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 4th, 1945

Dear Stevie,

Happy birthday my Love. I miss you so much but I find some comfort in knowing that at least you and Bucky are together somewhere, hopefully looking down on me. I went to the park today for the first time since you both went off to war. It’s not the same without you here but it was a beautiful day, you would have liked it.  

I signed up for an art class and it went as well as you would expect. Everything at my station, except the canvas had paint on it. Even my dress. But I think you’d be proud that I went for it. The little painting I managed to make is hanging up in the living room next to yours. If only we had convinced Bucky to paint something I would have a perfect set. 

I’ll never stop loving either of you.

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through missions and long days of training recruits, both men carried some of your writing with them. As time went by they noticed your shift from grieving to trying to survive. It was a journey for them reading your struggles in your everyday life. Steve and Bucky would be lying if they said they didn’t have a favorite letter or journal entry. There were some that reminded them of the happy young woman they had fallen for. Those were the ones they carried with them. 

****

Bucky had been through a difficult mission. He had been confronted by his past again and he was putting his walls up as he sat away from the rest of the team on the jet. Some of the others tried to talk to him but he just kept quiet and his eyes fixated on the wall ahead of him. Sam quietly walked up to him and placed an envelope on the seat next to him and walked away. That caught Bucky’s attention and he turned to see his name in your handwriting. He picked it up and opened the envelope as carefully as he could until he was able to retrieve the piece of paper out. 

August 25th, 1946

Dear Jamie,

I took the girls to Coney Island today. I know they wished you could have been here with us. Becca and Elizabeth finally convinced Mary to get on the cyclone. It reminded me of when you made Stevie go on and he threw up afterward.

 They had a great time. Maybe next time I’ll try to win something for them at one of those game booths but I’m not as good at them as you.

It was nice to be with them. They’ve grown so much in such a short time. You’d be so proud at how well they’re doing. Elizabeth has started reading all of your books and Mary is starting to like science more. But Becca looks the most like you and she’s taking the role of protective big sister very seriously (wonder where she got that from?). I promise to keep an eye on them since they like getting into trouble from time to time. 

I love you so much,

Y/N

P.S. I’m with you til the end of the line.

Bucky smiled as he imagined poor little Mary on the Cyclone. Then his smile got slightly bigger as he recalled the day you had mentioned. You had been so mad at him for making Steve get on. But it didn’t take much to get on your good side again. 

Bucky finally looked back up, his eyes meeting Sam’s. He nodded in a silent thanks to his teammate.

 It was no secret amongst the Avengers that both men had been in love and dated the same woman at the same time. No one really said anything, except the occasional joke from Tony. Sam and Nat took it upon themselves to ask them questions about you, especially when they seemed to be having a hard time at work. At the mention of your name they could see how the super soldier’s demeanor would instantly change. 

Their shoulders would drop, a small smile would appear on their lips but it was the sense of longing Nat and Sam saw in their eyes that really let them know you meant more to them than being just some girl from their past.

~~~~~~~~

They had been more than halfway through your journals and letters when they finally found another interesting entry. There was both a sense of relief and a bit of jealousy as they read it.

June 18th, 1950 

I’ve met someone. I’m still not sure how I feel about it but he asked me out on a date. Johnny Richards is his name and he seems kind. Becca has tried to make me say yes that Bucky would want me to move on but I’m not so sure he would, ha! He’d probably pout and cross his arms over his chest and give me his puppy dog eyes to convince me to not go out with him. 

Steve looked up to find Bucky sitting exactly how you had described him and he smiled. 

I think I’m going to say yes though. He’ll never be Steve or Bucky but I think I deserve to find some type of happiness. We’ll just have to see how the first date goes. 

They read the rest of that journal quickly. Your entries talked about how your dates with Johnny were going but mostly they compared him to them. Steve and Bucky weren’t even sure you realized that you were even doing it. With everything Johnny would do for you, you would write down how Steve and Bucky would have done it instead. They found it odd however that the journal was left incomplete. It prompted them to start looking through both boxes again only to come up empty handed. The one thing they did realize was that journal entries picked up in a new notebook with the year 1952. 

“That’s almost two years missing.” Bucky finally said after rechecking everything. A sinking feeling in his chest the longer they searched only to find nothing. 

“We can ask Becca tomorrow. We should get some rest.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning both men head over to Becca’s home hoping to get some answers. However when she opens the door she isn’t surprised to see them. She dreaded the conversation she was going to have with them but she still ushered Steve and Bucky into her living room. 

“What happened to Y/N between mid 1950 and 1952?” Bucky asked, not bothering to sit down. He feared he already knew the answer.

Becca sighed as she reached into the pocket of her robe and produced another letter. She held it out for Bucky to grab. “You should sit.” Is all she said.

December 24th, 1951

Mr. Barnes

Please help me. He keeps hurting me and I don’t think I’ll survive the next time.

Y/N

The writing was sloppy and in the corner there was a faded brown spot. Through tear filled eyes Bucky looked at it closer. 

“Is this blood? Becca, is this her blood?” He looked up at his sister with rage and a pain in his chest nothing would ever be able to get rid of. 

Bucky and Steve had sacrificed their life only for them to find out that their girl had been hurt and they weren’t there to protect her. They hated themselves. Steve more than Bucky because Bucky had been drafted, he didn’t have much of a choice but Steve? Steve had done everything he could to get into the army. He left you alone and for what? 

“When daddy read that letter he was enraged. Called up some old army buddies and they handled it. But Y/N, she was broken in more ways than one. When they got to the house he had beaten her so badly she could barely move. She was in the hospital throughout the new year. When she was released we brought her home again. Then she never left. Y/N took care of Ma and daddy ‘til the day they died.” 

Steve was fully sobbing now. No matter what he would have done, one of the people he loved would end up hurt. If he hadn’t  signed up for the experiment with Erskine, you wouldn’t have been hurt like this but Bucky would still be in with hydra. 

“You can’t blame yourselves.” Becca sighs. “If she could see you now, see that you’re alive and together, that you saved Bucky from those monsters she would be so happy.”

“She suffered the rest of her life because of us. Was she ever truly happy after this?” 

Becca looked away from her brother with a small frown on her face. That was all the confirmation they needed to know that you had never found happiness again. They left without another word to Becca or each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve and Bucky didn’t speak for a while. Anger rolled off of them in droves. The issue was that neither of them knew who that anger was directed at. Was it at themselves or each other? The war, the draft, the serum, or the son of a bitch who dared put his hands on you. 

Their relationship suffered, missions almost failed, they were more reckless than usual and it went on like that for weeks. There was no lecture from anyone on the team that could make them see that what they were doing would get them or their teammates killed. 

Steve and Bucky had one moment. A single moment when they realized that they weren’t to blame. They apologized and forgave each other for being cold and distant. It’s not what you would have wanted. Just as they were getting back on track Thanos happened and Steve lost Bucky all over again. 

~~~~~~~~~~

5 years later

The team had one chance and they took it. They defeated Thanos. Now Steve has another. He checks himself over again and smoothes out his hair. The day was beautiful just how you said in your letter. Everyone was already celebrating the 4th of July. But as Steve stepped out of the alleyway all he could think about was the conversation he’d he’d with Bucky before he left on his mission to return the stones.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I come back.” Steve said with a smirk.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Bucky replied as he brought Steve in for a hug. 

Steve pulls back slightly only to connect his lips with Bucky’s. 

“Make sure you find her and make her happy. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright.” 

“Don’t worry Buck. Everything will be alright.” Steve smiles before heading up to the platform. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Bucky.” With that final word Steve disappears.

Now here he was just a block away from the park he’d frequented when you were all together. All of the stones were back in place all he needed to do was find you. And that he did. You were sitting on the bench here and Bucky frequented. All of your attention was on the letter you were writing. Steve could recite it from memory now. 

He took a moment to admire your form. You were wearing his favorite dress. The one he bought for your birthday right before he left for the war. Your hair was pinned back the way you loved. Steve smiled, you were more beautiful than he remembered. He finally gathered the courage to step up to you and hoped that this would go well. 

“Is this seat taken?” 

“Yes it is.” You respond without even looking up.

“Are you sure I can’t have a seat kitten?” 

Your head snapped up in the direction of the intruder. His voice had been familiar to you but it couldn’t be who you thought it was. His eyes were so familiar to you but it wasn’t possible because the owner of those beautiful ocean blue eyes had died. Still the sense of familiarity made the ache in your chest lessen and the same of your lover slip from your lips.

“Steve?” 

“Hi sweetheart.” He said as he sat down next to you. 

With hesitant movement you brought your hand up to his cheek. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. 

“Am I dead?” 

The question made Steve chuckle. “You’re not dead, kitten, I’m really here.” 

The answer made you start to sob uncontrollably and your tears made Steve tear up. He pulls you into a hug and tries to soothe you as best as he can. After some time you finally pull away and look at him. Steve kisses your forehead, then your cheeks and finally presses a long awaited sweet kiss to your lips.

“How is this possible?” You say in between hiccuped breaths. “You died. You-your friend Howard, he showed up and told me everything.” 

Steve takes a deep breath and explains everything from waking up in the future to traveling back in time only leaving out the part about Bucky.

“So are you staying?” You look up at him through your still wet lashes. 

“I can’t stay-“ 

You pulled away from him and stood up. Heartbreak and anger rolled through you.

“Why would you come to see me if you’re leaving again? This is so cruel. Do you know how much I’ve cried for you? Since the moment you left to become a lab rat. It wasn’t fair then and it’s not fair now.”

“Hey,” Steve stands and cups your face. “I would never leave you again. I came to get you, if you’d like to come with me.” He pulls out a watch from his pocket. 

“What about the Barnes family? I can’t just leave them too.” 

“I think they’d be happier knowing you’re with me and Bucky.” 

A small gasp escapes your lips as you look from the watch to Steve who’s smiling. 

“Bucky? How is that possible?” 

“It’s his story to tell.” 

“He’s not dead?” 

“Nope. He does think that I left him to stay here with you though. But I think we deserve to be together again. So what do you say?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The platform comes to life again a minute after Steve had left. To Bucky’s surprise and slight disappointment Nat appears. He disguises his heartbreak behind a smile as Nat walks down and hugs Sam and then him. 

“Glad to have you back.” He whispers into her ear. 

“Glad to be back.” 

“Come on, I’ll buy you a beer and tell you everything you missed.” 

“Buck, aren't you going to wait for Steve to come back?” Sam stopped him.

“Nah, I’m going to grab a drink with a friend. You can come if you want.” 

“You’re a jerk, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told. Now let’s go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky got home late. He had been trying to avoid the emptiness. Not only in the home he used to share with Steve but the empty feeling in his chest. It was the punishment he deserved or so Bucky thought. To live the rest of his life alone with only the thought of your and Steve’s happiness. He could make due with that. 

Bucky sets his keys in the bowl by the door and takes off his jacket. His thoughts were elsewhere so he didn’t immediately pick up on the fact that he wasn’t alone. Still, he was quick and he pulled the gun he always had on him out. 

“You can put the gun down, Buck.” Steve stepped out from the darkened office door. The streetlights filtering through the windows provide the only source of light. 

“Steve? What are you doing back?” 

“Did you really think I’d leave you alone?” 

“But what about Y/N?”

“She agreed with me.” Steve smirks.

“What are you-“ Bucky’s words die on his as you step out from behind Steve. “Y/N.” He said your name as if it was the most precious thing in the world. 

Bucky’s steps were slow and heavy, as if the world itself sat on his shoulders. You met him halfway way with arms wide open. Bucky fell at your feet, his arms settling around your hips and his head resting against your stomach. 

“Oh honey.” Your body shook as Bucky cried against you. All you could do was run your fingers through his hair. “It’s ok. We’re together again baby.” 

You managed to get on the floor with Bucky and cup his face and press multiple kisses over his face. 

“I missed you, doll.” Bucky says between kisses. It’s frantic and uncoordinated and desperate. 

Steve joins you both on the floor wrapping his arms around each of you. There are more shared kisses amongst the three of you. Someone eventually gets up and pulls the other two along with them. The first night the three of you stay awake just talking and catching up. You tell them things that aren’t in your journals and they tell you about living in the present. Reluctantly Bucky tells you part of what happened with hydra. You can see the guilt in his eyes and all you can do is comfort him. 

The sun is barely starting to rise when the three of you finally fall asleep in each other's arms. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you did wake up you were disoriented by the room you were in until you remembered where you were. The bed was empty but even back in the past both boys were early risers. You fixed your hair and changed before walking out to find Steve and Bucky. As you neared the living room you heard more than two voices talking animatedly. 

“You still haven’t told us what took you so long.” A man said as you got closer. 

Steve opens his mouth to answer but his whole face lights up when you turn the corner and stand at the entrance of the living room. The reaction caused Steve’s friends to turn around and look at you. 

“I was picking someone up.” Steve says. 

“Please tell me you’re Y/N.” The woman had asked and you smiled and nodded. 

“Y/N, this is Nat and Sam.” 

“I have so many questions. Especially about Bucky.” Sam said as he stood up. 

Before he could even stretch his hand out to greet you properly Bucky came up from behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist and glared at Sam. He had flowers in his hand which he presented to you. 

“Thank you honey.” You kissed his cheek before turning back to Sam. 

“Let me put these in water and I’ll answer all your questions.” 

Bucky groans as Sam gives him a shot eating grin. You chuckle and when you come back you move to sit down. Eventually Steve and Bucky sit on either of you as Sam and Nat ask you about what they were like back in the day. 

With time this would become a routine until you met everyone on the team, including Howard’s son. They had questions and you had the answers. You were sure to include all kinds of stories, especially the embarrassing ones.

 It hadn’t gone unnoticed how much more relaxed and happy Steve and Bucky had been. Bucky smiled more and was more open with others. Steve had handed over his shield to Sam and was starting to enjoy his free time. Bucky was still required to go on missions but it was ok. Whenever he came back from a mission you and Steve doted on Bucky. From having his favorite movie on or playing his favorite songs and dancing in the living room to cleaning him up and cuddling in bed. Life in modern times wasn’t always easy for you but fortunately Bucky and Steve were always there to help you. 

You still wrote in your journal and on occasion letters for your loves for them to find. The entries were vastly different from what Steve and Bucky had first read. Your journals remained an ode to the love you had which transcended decades and heartbreaks and loss. Now they reflect your joy, love, hope and happiness. The love you had for each other grew with each passing day and you were able to build the home the three of you always dreamed of. 

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[aquagirl1978]

Hi :D I'd like to pretty please request azel 😈 :3, please and thank you!!

Hey @floydsteeth - so nice to see you in my inbox! You really made me work with this one - Azel is an interesting guy and quite unlike any other suitor I've written before. Thank you to the amazing translators on here for sharing their work - I'd be lost without your work. With this fic, I have once again written for all IkePri suitors.

Spark

A/N: Part of my Naughty or Nice event Pairing: Azel Radwan x Reader Prompt: naughty Word Count: 616 Tags: spicy? i tried, it's hard with this guy

“Where do you think you're going?”

You turned around slowly, your bag still in your hand, to face Azel who was lying in bed. Awake.

“I was going for a walk. Outside. I’ve been cooped up in this room with you for….three days? Not that you care,” you replied defiantly.

“You’re right. I don’t care.” He sighed dramatically and fell back onto the bed. “But if you must go out –”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad things and misfortune will come my way. Right?”

“Where do you think you're going?”

You turned around slowly, your bag still in your hand, to face Azel who was lying in bed. Awake.

“I was going for a walk. Outside. I’ve been cooped up in this room with you for….three days? Not that you care,” you replied defiantly.

“You’re right. I don’t care.” He sighed dramatically and fell back onto the bed. “But if you must go out –”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad things and misfortune will come my way. Right?”

“You could just stay here?” He rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. Positioned like this, with his lean body sprawled out and his long hair, tied in a perfect ponytail, falling over his shoulder and his eyes – oh, those opalescent eyes – that you found to be so mysterious and mesmerizing, he did look like the God he claimed to be.

“No thanks.”

Azel sighed again, this time louder and more dramatic. “Fine. You win. Leave me here all by myself.” He covered his face with his hand, pretending to wipe away fake tears. He quickly looked up, his gaze fixed on your bag. “If you are going out…”

“Let me guess, you want something.”

“Well, I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“There’s some dorayaki over there. A gift from Kagari. You can have that.”

Azel made a horrified face. “Do you think that is a suitable treat for a God?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Your loss then.”

“Tch, I suppose I can eat one if you refuse your God this one little favor.”

“My God? You’re my lover, not my God.”

“Aren’t they the same thing?” 

You stared at him blankly, your arms crossed tight against your chest.

“I should punish you for this defiance. Come here.”

Deciding it would be easier to simply accept your “punishment” rather than argue with a petulant God, you walked over to him, standing beside his bed. “I’m here.”

“Bend down a little closer,” he asked.

Seriously?  Boy, was he making you work for this. 

You plopped down on the bed next to him as ungraciously as possible , ignoring the disgusted look on his face. “Let’s say I eventually leave this room, and I manage to get you a nice snack – one appropriate for a God – what will you do for me? As repayment.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m a God. Gods don’t pay for things,” he scoffed.

“I told you, you're my lover, not a God,” you reminded softly, your hand reaching for his hair, “and as my lover….”

“What are you doing?” he bristled as you combed your fingers through his hair, removing his hair tie.

“Shh… you look so pretty with your hair down.” You ran your hand through his hair, long silky strands cascading like a silvery waterfall around his shoulders, a pale, pink blush colored your lover’s cheeks.

It didn’t take long for him to close his eyes and make a soft, pleased sound.  As if his body betrayed him, his shoulders jerked and his eyes opened, his gaze narrowing, meeting yours.

“If you’re going to complain, I'll just have to…”

“Do what?” he asked, daring you, as your face approached his.

“Nothing,” you said, your voice teasing as you gazed into his eyes. You felt a slight spark the moment your skin made contact with his; dragging a finger slowly down his arm, you linked your fingers with his when you reached his hand.

“I’m going to charge you for this…” His voice wavered, lacking its earlier confidence, as he stared back into your eyes.

You do that, you thought. It was well worth any price to watch the living God break before your eyes.

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[daryldixonfanfiction]

What you fight for pt.5 - chery🍒 (*18+)

masterlist

Summary: Daryl is hurt after ending the clamers. As Julia begins to tend to his wounds he can't stop himself from giving into his deepest desire...

Warnings: *18+, SMUT! los of virginity, unprotected p in v, fingering, touched starved Daryl, age gape, fluff, angst, mentions of blood and death, brief mentions of atemt of SA, protective Daryl,

possesive!Daryl.

Wc: 5k

Their silence spoke volumes of what had happened.

Daryl steered her through the abandoned neighborhood as sundowns' last light glowed against their backs, casting shadows on the asphalt. Julia looked downwards, their hands joined between them. The terrifying nightmare she had been woken to hung around her throat -literally. Everything hurt, her body was still recovering from a sprained ankle, head trauma, the hit she had suffered from the crash and her bruised throat throbbed terebully. 

Her gaze returned to their shadows. 

Julia tried to find it within herself to accept what had happened. Because for Julia -to find acceptance was to find peace. Though it was easier said than done. Reminding herself that other women had endured far worse, but it felt like one of the worst things that had ever happened to her, making it difficult coming to terms with, especially when it happened just moments ago.

The house was left further and further behind, they continued to walk silently until she could feel Daryl letting go of her hand. His loss of touch missed instantly. 

“Stay close.”

Daryl moved in front, leading the way through a white picket fence. It was swinging wide open, welcoming them to white house with a few limp walkers, dead on the overgrown yard. Standing behind him on the porch as he bangs on the front door, alerting anny walkers that could be inside Then they enter and Julia closes the door behind them looking at Daryl, but he wasn't looking at her when he spoke and ordered.

“Stay here.”

Julia did just that, waiting in the hall, patiently for him to sweep the house. The house seemed to be recently lived in and it wasn't in bad shape nor ransacked, if she guessed it looked like a prepper had been living here, probably sins the start, before the turn. There were poles of wax surrounding spent candles on the small table in front of her and if she glanced into the kitchen she could see a dining table, set with a plait of dinner that had been left to root by the resident, indicating the person did not make it. 

Daryl emerged from his sweeping, bow hanging in his left hand which was strange, he always favors his right. Julia moved towards him, and asked,

“Is it safe?”

Julia tried to meet his eyes as Daryl let out a sigh before answering.

"Yeah. It's safe.”

Julia tried to search his face once more, he seemed avoidant as she did so, opting to simply look to the floor. And when he stayed silent in a way that was unlike him, Julia tried and began.“Daryl-  but he cut her off before she could say more.

“The place is nailed up tight. The only way in is through the front door. There's food, running water and electricity. The light should be kept to a minimum though.”

Julia nodes. It made sense when the house looked the way that it did. But she worried greatly about his well-being when he seemed so…not himself, and he hasn't really been himself ever since he had shown up…covered in blood.

The unfavoring of his right hand gave it away. Dried blood stains marks his knuckles, and Julia swore she could see his hand shaking in what looked to be pain, though he seemed to be hiding it well.

Her face changed, and she inhaled - a distraction from her own pain and stated worldly,

"You're hurt.”

Daryl seemed to notice the moment she pointed it out. Perhaps he hadn't felt the pain he was in - she didn't know - all she knew was to care for him, then hurriedly she made him move to the living room, “sit…I’ll get something…”

She gestured for the family sized sofa. For a moment she thought he wouldn't, but then he sat down. With that she began and looked for anything to treat his wound. 

Reentering the living room Julia hurried towards him, placing down a med pack and some rags with water to wet, then turned on the lantern that was placed on the coffee table beside his crossbow and the red machete. Even though it didn't light up the whole rome itself, she pulled the curtains down behind them, just to be safe. Returning to him she grabbed a blanket off the sofa, draping it over his shoulders.

He had sunken down into the sofa, elbows resting on his knees and the way his head hung he looked exhausted -as if the weight of the world had finally caught up to him. Julia stood in front of him. Dropping down to kneel between his knees. Carefully, Julia reached for his wounded hand with both of hers, asking softly,

“Let me see.” Daryl began to pull back, making Julia repeat herself, “Let me see.”

With that Daryl relented and Julia's soft hands remained, her eyes attentively examining the damage. 

“It’s fractured.” Julia frowned in concern.

“Maybe a hairline,” Daryl said, down playing the obvious injury he had suffered, “It'll heal fast.”

Julia didn't believe that for a second when she could clearly feel his hand trembling under her touche. Her hair fell a bit making her pull it behind her ear and Julia felt him watching her hands work as she went on and disinfected the broken skin on the swelling knuckles, before wrapping it up with an elastic compression bandage, much as he had done for her ankle. 

The soft glow of the lantern revealed the lower part of hice face, and she said ever so gently,

“Looks like you’ll live,” she placed the med pack on the tabelle behind her, closing it shut, “I would say it will feel better within 3 or 5 days or so, and it will be held within a month.” Then grabbed the water bottle and the rags she had found, “But only if you let it rest that is...” 

He hummed in agnolishment, and she could feel him looking down, watching her intently where she was and she went on to push herself to a stand with a hand on his thigh for leverage. She felt him tense as she pushed herself up, the rags and bottle of water in the other. His head tilted and he let her seat herself beside him on the sofa. Placing the things in her lap, turning to properly take a look at him, making her frown with worry of his bloody state. Swallowing anxiously she began to soak the rags, asking even though the answer could be something she didn't want to be true.

“All this blood….Is it….?”

As if he knew what she was trying to say, he answered simply, “ 's not mine.”

She sighed in relief. Reaching for his face to clean the dried blood off of him, knowing he would never do it himself. Suddenly Daryl stopped her with his good hand, holding her wrist inches from his face, the blanket fell off his shoulders at the motion and began to say, “I’m fine-”

“No. You're not,” Julia frowned. “Daryl…Let me take care of you.” 

A moment passed between them as he held her there. Then. She could feel him giving in, the hold on her wrist gone and so was the warmth off his skin.

Taking his face with one hand she began and cleaned the blood from his chin with the other down to his neck. She worked scrubbing the crimson from his stubble gently, notesting a deep scratch on his trout. A blooming bruce covered his under eye, on his left eyebrow there was a thin cut already scabbing and then there was the noticeable split lip.  Being this close his eyes were visebulle, though they never met her gaze. 

It was left unsaid, but she knew he had been part of the men he had saved her from. Julia inhaled and asked, breaking their silence. 

“How did you end up with them?”

And maybe for the first time he looked at her, even though it was just for a second she saw regret and the gilt in his eyes. Daryl let out a breath before answering. 

“I was chasing the car, as long as I could. There was now way of telling which way it went. I guess I must have dozed off and that's when they found me. I knew they were bad, but they had a code. It was simple. stupid, but it was something. It was enough.

“And you were alone.” Julia said in understanding, watching how his eyes looked far away as he continued.

“Said they were headed for sum neighborhood, to gather supplies. I was hanging back. I was gonna leave. That's when I saw the car, and I thought…. “

She knew what he was trying to say....Seeing the care, thinking she was dead. And she had thought the same about him, making her squeeze his arm in reassurance. 

A pause…then

“So I stayed,” Daryl confessed.  “Right there when I saw you… like that…” 

He couldn't say more and Julia's heart sank, because she knows why. She kept her eyes closed, squeezing him tighter, shaking her head at the thought of him blaming himself over what had happened. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't have done more than he already had. Julia set the used rags aside, then returned her hand where she had squeezed him and did it once again. 

“Look at me." Her command was soft -yeat grounding.

Slowly he did his eyes sparkling with unshed tears, brows pulled down into an expression of sorrow -sorrow for her it seemed. He had such pure eyes his firm exterior could almost had fold her, but all she saw was a man desperate for something to hold onto. 

Looking into his eyes Julia smiled through the sadness, comforting him with the words she wished she had been given. “Don’t blame yourself over things you can’t control, it will not change the things you blame yourself for,” Then she took his hand to place it over her beating heart, holding it there and he let her, “Instead. Focus on the things that will move you forward.” 

It was the only way she knew how to show him the meaning of what she was telling him. That she wasn't gone and he wasn't alone. Rubbing the back of his hand soothingly with her thumb still pressing him there as her heart thumped beneath she could see him begin to relax and the sadness of his features turned into something -something she found hard to read. His eyes traveled where she pressed him to her chest and he watched how her thumb moves on his skin -how the rise and fall of her breting moves her ribcage. Her soothing motions stills and she questions him, eyebrows coming together, 

“Do you understand?” 

There was no answer. 

His hand began to move upwards, slowly, and he looked to be in a sort of trance watching his own movement from her chest, collarbone, along her throat, stopping at her face. His larger hand holds her there and Julia could only stare in return, confused as just moments ago he had been on the verge of tears. She wondered if what she had told him was the source of such a thing? 

His face was worn by the seasons and by the life he had lived. His under eyes were dark, unrested. But there was also a softness there and she could feel it too. She had seen it in his eyes but now his pupils were blown wide, but if he had just...done what she thought he

had done...he was probably coming down from it. But something told her otherwise. It was famileure, the way he was looking at her and it reminded her of their dinner at the memorial home.

It was that same way he was looking at her, onely more intense as if deep wanting, a need of something. 

Placing her smaller hand on top of his Julia surged his eyes, maybe she thought she would find the answer there? His thumb began to brush the skin on her cheek then it traveled just as slowly like before, bruising over her button lip. Searching his gaze once more just to be chore it's what she thought she noticed how the black has almost swallowed the blue of his irises. It was almost unnoticeable but being this close to one another she saw how he glanced down to her lips then back up again. 

oh…

Julia blinked at him, it surprised her that he wanted to. She had never thought of him in that way before. Not until now and without much thought she spoke to him,

“It’s ok. You can kiss me.”

His adam's apple bobs, his only focus is her lips. His breathing is more laborde and she can feel how his other hand runs through her hair with his fingers until they still - cradling the back of her head. Then tilts her head as he tilts his own and leans in; she closes her eyes, feeling her heart pick up with nerves of anticipation of what is to cume.

And then... 

His lips pressed against hers. They felt rough, not like hers. A stark contrast as stubble rubbed against her face. It was slow and soft at first, him holding her there and she holding on to his jacket. The kisses turned hungrier, slopier and needier. The way he was pressing his lips onto hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth made it seem like he hadn’t felt human contact in years. 

It was…intense…As if deeply needing. Needing something.

When the need for oxygen became too much he broke the kiss to remove his jacket, tossing it aside along with the layer underneath, leaving him in a black t-shirt and jeans. His lips returned to hers and he dipped down, kissing her even needier than before. Without her releasing he unbuttons her cardigan, button after button and when he was done his arms took hold of her to gently being laid against the softness of the sofa, never breaking the kiss. Moving on top of her, settling between her knees she had naturally spread open, welcoming him there with her arms wrapped around his neck to keep him close. She could feel how his hip brushed against her inner thigh before he rested against her completely.  

It was due to his protective nature knowing he could protect her from what’s out there, including those men. It made her feel safe as she laid beneath him, caged between his forearms, elbows on either side of her head, keeping that little space so as not to crush her. She tried to meet his more forceful kisses but she had only made out a couple of times before and therefore followed his lead. Carding her fingers through his hair -It was clear that Daryl was nothing like the boys she had been with, and she liked it.

She continued to run her hand through his hair, smoothing away from his face and then, gripping the nape of his neck as he pulled her tighter to himself, calloused hands slipping under her long skirt  sliding along her bare thighs exposing her underwear beneath, dampened by the arousal. 

He let out a low groan when he pressed into her, he moved his mouth from hers to slide along her jawline. He sounded different than any time she had heard him before. He moved upward again and kissed her and began to rock back and forth against her, and she didn't miss the squeak the sofa made.

She was trembling beneath him. His hands were all over and his touch felt desperate. Almost animalistic in a sense that made her feel vulnerable, but not afraid -she knew he would never hurt her. She had felt nothing like it, being touched and kissed the way he did -not ever. It felt as if her heart was going to explode at every giving moment and her body only wanted more, more and more.

He continued to rock against her -her underwear and his ruff jeans preventing the friction from going any further. It was embarrassing how wet she had gotten at this point -she worried she was leaving the evidence on his pants -and she heard him breath lowly-

“Julia.”

It sounded like a plea, she didn't know. Her mind was all over -spinning…not knowing how it had all come to this. His temple almost met hers and she noticed how he had closed his eyes as if controlling something with himself. Her hands moved soothingly along his face, smoothening hair away to better see the handsome man above her and she answered reassuringly, sensing his search for something.

“I’m here.”

It was all the response he needed, bringing the soaked underwear with his hands -sliding them past her ankles…He was quick to return between her knees, still spread open for him and only him. He kissed her. He seemd to like kissing her and even though he was a bit ruff in his way she still liked it though she tried to slow him down soothing his face once more. She ran her thumb over his cheek to comfort that deep need he seemed to have. 

And then she felt his ruff, broad fingers traveling down and down until finding the ace she had tried to satisfy herself but it never had felt enuff. But as he touched that sensitive place between her legs she could hardly breathe. The anticipation made her mind spin more than it did before. She felt her toes curl, and she reached to embrace him to ground herself to something when she felt so much she almost didn't know what to do with herself. As he continued to move a sound escaped her and she welded herself from allowing more to pass her lips. Heat on her face bloomed of embarrassment; she had never made that noise before as she had always just breathed the noises out soundles into the night when she had dun it to herself. And that habit had become ingrained. 

To her surprise Daryl didn't seem to mind, not at all -prompting him to kiss her temple then after the first finger entered her son another one joined and it was becoming difficult to stay silent, making her hold onto his shirt tightly she worried she was gonna tear it apart. As his fingers moved in and out in a rhythmic motion -the wet sound between her legs was sinful. That also made her embarrassed even though she knew it to be natural. Julia tried to breathe it out but when it didn't work she tried soothing herself planting a kiss on his less stubbled cheek, leaving her lips there feeling how the blooming sounds in her throat had become dangerously close to pass her lips. 

When his fingers removed themselves she missed it instantly, she could never touch herself the way he had touched her…As he shifted -her mind flared with what they had just done, not notesting him positioning himself until he ordered breathlessly…

“Tell me no. Tell me to stop.” 

It caught her off guard -making her wonder if that was truly what he wanted when he was breathing the way he did. She embraced him comfortingly. He was grabbing the edge of the sofa holding himself above her with his forehead against the croak of her neck. Then his mouth pressed to the underside of her exposed jaw, speaking against her skin, "Just say the word and I’ll stop.”

Her Fingers gently prodded the nape of his neck -somewhat confused she hesitated for just a moment before whispering, “But, I want you to do it.” Then tugged the back of his shirt urgingly.

As he had been struck by her words -his inhale was charp. Lips returned to hers, starving and ruff, not gentle like her fingers running through his hair. Then suddenly, he was pressed against her entrance -making her tense in knowing of the pain that followed. The intrusion was slow and it felt larger than his fingers this time. A sound escaped her and it must have startled him, making him pause in his movements. The feeling was overwhelming, not painful, more like a stretch in a way. Breathing heavily against her she could feel how his chest expands and shrinks against her own. He spoke, voice sounding like gravel, “You alright?”

“Yes,” she breathed against his ear.

He pushed further -until he was all the way inside of her. In knowing what was to come Julia wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him closer to herself. He began to rock his hips, moving slowly inside of her. It was overwhelming at first but she could feel herself readjusting to him and the stretch forgotten as she became engulfed by the pleasure bilding inside of herself. She couldn't control the wimpers that escaped her though she tried to keep them to a minimum because of the embarrassment.

All she knew was kissing, the step after was new -making her bury her face in his shoulder, biting back sounds and gasps. Daryl's sounds were low and deep, it was beautiful in a way herring him vulnerable like that. Knowing a man like him would allow himself to be soft as he was with her now. It felt special. It was special. For her it was.

His hands were moving all over her body, it felt as if he was everywhere at once -still needing and needing and she couldn't give any more than she already did. She wrapped her legs around him, sending him deeper inside of her. A small cry escaped her, her head tilting back, and his body followed, pushing her deeper into the sofas bedding.

He then slowed his movements going as deep as he possibly could -as if he was trying to get her to make that sound again. Reaching for his face to slide her fingers over his dashing features. She couldn't help but wonder if he would ever touch her this way again…

Daryl continued his agonizing slow pace - rocking deeply with every stroke. His hand wanted to press into her neck, but he must have noticed the blooming bruises on her throat when he breathed the lowest she had ever heard him do before,

“They will never touch you again,” his thumb on her face pressed to her chin tilting her head towards him, “No one will, because I won't let them.”

“I know. I know” Julia breathed breathlessly.

Staring into his beautiful pools of blue, swallowed by their shared pleasure between them -she could feel his gaze never leaving her face when she closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of him inside of her. She knew he was watching her reactions intently and she thought about how this was nothing she thought sex would be like -there was no speaking that she thought would leave her dirty afterwards. Instead it was Daryl’s protectiveness and how he touched her so desperately, yet softly with his hands traveling along her skin searching for something within her as their bodies moved in unison and deeper and deeper, until Julia couldn't help the small sounds leaving her lips, one after the other. It was obvious he liked them, each and every single one, because he kept his head close -as if to make sure he didn't miss the whimpers she’d make.

His movements quickend suddenly, making Julia hold on for dear life feeling how she was about to come undone. He grabbed hold of her hip with one hand as he trusted until he stilld completely with a grunt so low she could only describe as animalistic. He fell forward caging her once more with his forearms and hands to either side of her head to keep him from falling on her completely. Sweat was sticking between them where he had bunched up her skirt exposing her to him and she could feel the wetness flowing out of her and the smell of sex in the room.

Their chest heaving, both out of breath from what they had just done. And Julia knew that this was tame compared to what he was capable of. Because, after all, he is a very capable man.

His broad frame loomed over her, and he questioned -breathless, “You alright?”

Julia could onely hum in return as she was still coming down from her high, overwhelmed but in all the good ways possible. She could barely keep her eyes open as she felt him nudge her face with his nose seeking her attention and she gave it to him thru half lidded eyes.

“Hey,” concern was leased in his tone as stroke her cheek with a thumb. “You alright?” 

She swallowed thickly -before nodding, mind still swirling with so many feelings she didn't know where to put them, the pleasure of it all preventing her from thinking straight…

“Yes…Just tired”

He let out a breath of relief. Maybe he was worried he had hurt her somehow? But how could he have done that when he had been so gentle, asking for her to stop him if she didn't want to.

He leaned down -lips pressing to her lips before he moved to lay behind her and pulled the blanket around them she had put on his shoulders. She turned in his hold, snuggling into his warm chest, his arm naturally wrapped around her as his injured arm was draped over her waist.

Julia couldn't help but look in awe upon the man she had just shared the most cherist part of herself, her body. Never before had she felt as safe and close to someone as she did with him and this only made that feeling grow deeper within herself.

Minutes passed with him holding her flush against him and her admiring him beneath his chin, listening to his breathing and feeling the calming pace of his heart against her palm. It almost lulled her into sleep but before she could drift away Daryl confessed,

“I killed them -I killed them all.”

Julia's eyes widened, but she knew, deep down she knew that that was what had happened, the reason he had hidden the bodies, the reason he made her hide, not wanting her to come down. Her gaze left his face where she could see him staring at the selling with a faraway look in his eyes. Julia swallowed before answering,

“I know.” A few moments of silence passed and then, “Every second I was trapped in that car, I was only thinking of you….And when he told me you were–

“He?” Daryl cut her off mid sentence, his hold on her tightening and she could feel his heart racing through his shirt.

“The man who found me,” Julia clarified, “Apparently I was fighting walkers and he saved me. Or that's what he told me.” then clutched his shirt before continuing, “But the more I think about it… It wasn't walkers I was fighting.”

Julia waited for him to say something, anything but he never did so she continued, “You should have seen his eyes. I will never forget that look he had…

He held his breath and he questiond her, “Did he?”

Immediately Julia shook her head against him. The mere thought of it made her sick, “No. I stopped him before he could.”

“Good,” Daryl breathed in return, still looking at the ceiling.

But the growing guilt inside of herself had grown tremendously sinnes it happened, eating at her in every waking moment even haunting her in her sleep. Leaning her cheek against his chest, making her speak against the the fabric there,

“Daryl, I did something terrible.” 

“What you mean?” 

Julia could hear the confusion in his voice but she had to close her eyes as she told him what she did that night, and she told him,

“He got mad when I asked him to turn back, to let me go and he just got so…angry. And then I noticed he had locked me up with one of them handcuffs... So I panicked. I don’t exactly remember how but the car hit something and the next thing I saw was walkers…everywhere.” A shaky breath, then, “He was being eaten alive and the only thing I could think of was saving myself as he screamed for me to help him…But I didn't. I Just left him to die… like that.” Julia completely buried her face into him, softly crying as she held onto his shirt but then she felt his hand stroking the back of her head soothing her to the best of his capabilities. 

When Julia had calmed down a bit Daryl spoke with a voice devoid of emotion, “Some people deserve to die like that.”

“But, that's cruel.” Julia's voice broke, sniffling through the reaments of her tears.

“That’s the truth.”

But It was hard to accept such an ugly reality. At least inside of herself even if she was good at accepting reality, but this time she couldn't. Not yet at least. Drying her tears as she unmoved her face from his chest now dampened by her tears she said,

“I don’t want it to be.”

“I know.” Daryl said softly, continuing to stroke her head.

There were no more words spoken after that, engulfed by what they had said and what they had done, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was a silence that made one sleepy. Julia very much so. Her eyes continued to get heavier -and Daryl’s body was relaxed against her, welcoming it. Once more she spoke but it was quiet and laced with slip but she said it anyways before she drifted in the solace of sleep in his arms.

“I missed you,” and she fell asleep.

Pulling her closer to himself he left a kiss in her hair and then he whispered,

“I missed you too.” 

masterlist Pt.6

[beanghostprincess]

The fact that shuggy will probably get one of them dies while they were on bad terms ending makes my want to die

..... Gotta be honest, I actually really, really, really want one of them to die. I genuinely think it's going to be Shanks because bold of you to assume a dear beloved mentor that shows up every 200 chapters survives in a shonen manga. That for starters. Let's get ready to say goodbye to the silly redhead because that man is dying for sure. It'd make sense that Buggy died instead/too but whatever, one of them has to die and I will not have it otherwise.

But!!! But here's the thing. Do I want the angst of these two not being able to make amends and Buggy mourning Shanks' death? Buggy showing that he cares after Shanks' death? After it's too late? Maybe even seeking revenge because somebody killed him? Or perhaps hating himself a bit more than what he already does because he didn't reach out to him sooner?

Or do I want these two to make amends and get along for a little while, fighting side by side, to then witness Shanks' death and see Buggy suffer the loss of his best friend? This time accepting his death is easier but it still bothers him that they didn't have enough time to be together.

Oda loves Buggy's character too much to not do anything amazing and angsty with these two, so I am not worried about it. I just know that I'm gonna cry a whole lot and I am going to want to die right after seeing one of them dying. So I get it, anon, it kills me. But as a writer though?????? I need them to suffer. I will want to die, yes, but do you realize how good and angsty it would be???

[milkavetch]

divus crewel x reader (headcanons/fic)

pairing: Pomefiore housewarden! crewel x vice-housewarden! reader (gn! reader, reader is not yuu)

content: rivals to lovers, fluff

word count: ~1800

With eyes on the position of housewarden, you and Crewel are locked in a rivalry. Headcanons for your ever-changing relationship during the academic year.

It was preposterous. You didn’t want to accept this loss. The poison that Crewel brewed was barely any better than yours. When the headmage announced the winner of the competition, and consequently the unchanging Pomefiore housewarden, you wanted to protest. You held back any remarks, forced a smile, and shook his hand.

(Deep inside, you knew, Crewel did deserve the win. He was just slightly more precise. You were watching him the whole time- His intuition of when to add each ingredient was sharp and his assessment of his potion’s potency was better than yours. You’d rather drink your own potion and his than let him know, though.)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

With no time to recover from your loss, Crewel had already approached you again, insisting to talk. You reluctantly agree. He’s a third-year-- not a good idea if you were to get on his bad side now.

He appointed you as vice-housewarden, to your great dismay. It felt insulting -- if this position wasn’t earned by your own skill, did it really mean anything? It was gifted to you by your rival, no less! 

“It’s because of your talent in potionology, and you're only in your second year,” Crewel had said, with that annoying smirk of his. “I couldn’t see anyone else more fitting to lead Pomefiore with me.” You knew he was lying. The closer you were to him the more he was able to monitor you. He’s pulling at strings so you won’t beat him to Housewarden.

You smile, feigning cooperation. Two can play this game. The closer you were to him the easier it is to find his weakness - unravel the threads of his character - break him down. 

“It would be a great honor to serve as your vice-house warden,” you bite back. The smile that played on your lips was no more than a friendly forefront, and you knew he knows that too.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

From an outsider’s perspective, the two Pomefiore housewardens get along well enough. As expected, you both represent Pomefiore’s in-campus events and student meetings. There was enough cooperation in keeping your dorm’s reputation in check.

If one were to look a bit closer, one might notice the hostile attitude that seeped through both of your interactions. 

An unnecessary remark here and there-- “Rewrite this proposal form- your wording is nothing but confusing”, “you’re uniform is crooked, and you call yourself the housewarden?” -- done for the sole reason of riling each other up.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

It’s another story within the walls of the Pomefiore residence, though. The other students are no strangers to their housewardens’ bickering.

“We are not calling the headmage back to supervise another duel this month,” Crewel would tell you after your persistent nagging. He smiles snarkily, closing the distance between you both - faced merely inched away from each other.

“And, is another duel really worth it when you’ve barely improved? The results won’t change~”. You watch him walk away, his robe swaying. “Don’t forget about the meeting tomorrow, pup,” he calls back to you, not turning around.

Pup? What does that even mean? You’re Irritated, yet you leave it at that.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

As the semester goes on, you both butt heads less. Not that you’ve given up on taking Crewel down, no. School works just sometimes gets in the way.

Sometimes you’d be in the Pomefiore labs, practicing some recipes when you get unwanted company.

“The recipes call for crushed dawn-weeds, and those are not crushed enough.” You flinch, almost dropping your mortar, whipping your head around to see Crewel watching you with his arm crossed.

“And your cauldron is not hot enough,” he continues, walking over to observe your concoction a bit closer—his shoulder brushes against yours.

You huff, really not wanting to deal with this right now. “What, miss me so much you’ve come after me, Crewel?”

“Just checking to see if you’ve given up on being Housewarden or not,” Crewel responds. “Add the dawn-weed now, it’s at boiling level.”

You oblige. If he’s going to start tutoring you now you’ll make sure he regrets it in the end when you take his position away from him.

(The potion ended up being perfect according to your potionology professor. You reluctantly take the compliment and burn Crewel’s advice into your brain for later.)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You started seeing Crewel more often whenever you are in the lab. Sometimes he’s there to work, other times he seemed to have come just to debate with you. Today, he was working on an assignment. You’ve both fallen into a rhythm - moving around the room quietly, minding your own business.

“Do you have the cherry seeds?” You hear Crewel call from his side of the room. You hum in acknowledgment, going back to your work. Footsteps echoing in the distance let you know he was heading over.

He’s suddenly leaning over your shoulder, his face so close to your own-- you can smell the cologne he’s wearing. It’s musty, yet sweet… there are too many notes you couldn’t describe. He picks up the vial of cherry seeds in front of you and as he pulls back, you made eye contact. Ah, shit- was it that obvious you were staring?

As he’s heading back to his workstation, you wonder to yourself why your cheeks were so warm. He’s just an acquaintance- no- a rival… right? Why is your heart beating faster than usual? 

(You shake off the feeling, getting back to your work. Still distracted, you accidentally spilled the concoction you had made.)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Yet another duel passes… and you lost. Again. Not that this was new, but something deep in your heart is beating you up over this loss particularly. Why weren’t you improving? More than half the school year has gone by now.

It was late at night, and you were cooped up in the lab. The poison you had made… where did it go wrong this time? Did you let it boil too long? Did that denature the enzymes so the reaction failed? Or did you--

“Are you here, pup?”. Ah, that voice. You would rather not talk now, thank you.

“Crewel, I’d really rather not deal with you now,” You mumble. The hostility in your voice was lost long ago, Fatigue setting in.

“The headmage wanted to see us housewardens before classes tomorrow. You should be in bed… Or are you going to sit and wallow in your loss like this?” He asks. Ouch. He knew exactly what you were thinking.

As much as his comment hits you, it also snapped you out of your slump. “Like hell I am,” you say, pushing yourself up from the desk. Crewel’s right, there are things to do rather than regret something that already passed.

When you pass him on the way out, he gives your hair a quick ruffle. “You are improving, you know? It’s getting harder and harder each time to come up with recipes to beat you.” You feel his hand linger for a while before he lets go. You fall in step with each other, before splitting off into your own rooms, both sharing a word of ‘good night’’.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Sometimes you wonder if the events from that night did happen. It must have, though. Your relationship with Crewel had changed- you can tell. There’s much less bitterness, and in a way, you feel as though you understand him a bit better. You hope he thinks the same about you, too.

Crewel would show up less to the labs, but there wasn’t anything strange about that. The third-years had both exams and internships to prepare for. When he does show up, however, he spends much more time with you- hanging around your workstation, offering a comment or tip, and sometimes going out of his way to give you his own notes. 

You’ve decided now. On the final week of the NRC term, you’ll ask for one more duel. A final one to close out your year with Crewel. And this time you will win. Crewel accepts your challenge as soon as he hears of it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Get the water to a boil, then add the crushed-dawn weeds. Mix until the liquid is opaque. Add the cherry seeds between stirs. Then lower the heat. The recipe you’ve practiced and practiced was carried out with absolute precision-- your hours in the lab finally coming to fruition. You glance over to Crewel, who was also wrapping up his brew.

With both your works presented to the headmage for assessment, you can wait impatiently for the results. 

When the headmage calls your name as the winner, it snaps you out of your spiraling thoughts. Wait, did actually say your name just now?

You turn to Crewel, and he nods, offering a celebratory applause before holding his hand out. You take it, suddenly pulling into a hug. There’s a strangled yell from Crewel when you wrap your arms around his, but you feel him hugging you back shortly. 

“Congratulations, my dear vice-housewarden,” He says only for you to hear. “Or should I say my housewarden?”. 

(Breaking from the hug, you regain your composure. The adrenaline from your win buries the feeling of embarrassment from hugging him. It comes back to bite later on).

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“What are you planning on doing for your fourth year?”. Standing on the balconies of the dorm, Crewel is next to you, resting his weight on the concrete railing. He shrugs, eyes lingering on the evening sun that marked the last day of your school year.

“I’ve been scouted by some companies as a fashion designer,” He says. You laugh.

“And here I thought you’d go be a teacher or something- after all those times with you in the labs where’d you drill recipes into my head. Well, maybe that’s for the better. I don’t want you bullying the kids.”

Crewel chuckles. “Training the next generation’s puppies, huh? I’ll take that into consideration”. You feel the weight shift next to you as Crewel turns to face you. Something heavy falls upon your head, and you move your hand to touch it. It was smooth and solid-- your fingers brush over the crevices and engraved details. Could this be?

“The housewarden’s crown,” Crewel answers for you, adjusting it on your head. When he was done, he steps back. A small smile graces his face as your eyes met his. “Take care of this for me, will you? You deserve it.”

“With my pleasure,” you respond, smiling back. This time, Crewel is the one who pulls you into an embrace. You take the time to cherish it-- your interactions, your bickering… the connection you’ve built with him. It will be hard imagining next year with him, but that’s a problem for later. For now, theres only you, and him.

this was going to be short, but then I kept writing more :,) I was struggling to end this somewhere, hopefully it makes sense ^^

[rvllybllply2014]

I am trying to process something horrible that a customer told me over 6 years ago? Yes. Is Aeron the victim of that yes,yes he is. At least he has Davos.

Shitty customer being shitty. Parental death mentioned. Davron donut shop au. Also Oscar being an awesome coworker. Shitty customer based on real life.*

Aeron’s father had died unexpectedly. Well you never really expect a car crash and the person dying from a car crash. Anyway Aeron took a week off to grieve the loss of his father. When the week was finished he felt somewhat ready to be out in society without randomly crying, plus he had bills to pay and he needed to be a human again.

The donut shop is a franchise and the other shops accept gift cards but the one Aeron works at does not. He’s had the whole I’m sorry we don’t accept the gift cards here conversation with people a million times. Most people accept that, some do say awe man but all move on and use cash or a credit/debit card.

This customer from hell though didn’t do either. She’d ordered a dozen different donuts with her boyfriend, and she had a bad attitude the whole time. Aeron didn’t think much of it he was on autopilot and pretty numb to the world and due for his break soon. Anyway when they get to the register she pulls out the gift card and Aeron states that he’s sorry but he can’t accept the gift card.

She insists that they can, if the other franchises can then surely he can? He then explains that no he can’t the card reader can’t read gift cards.

The customer is getting angrier by the second, her boyfriend tries to tell her he’ll just pay. But she wants to cause a scene, so he walks out while the customer is still being a bitch. Aeron is at the end of his rope by the time that Oscar is walking up.

Oscar only catches the tail end of the conversation in which the customer finally accepts that he couldn’t take the gift card and gives him a credit card. While Aeron’s running the card she says this is really inconvenient for her. Aeron snaps back oh he’s sorry that she’s been inconvenienced but he’s been inconvenienced by his fathers death for the past week and this is his first day back so yeah he hopes that this is the only inconvenience that she faces today.

The customer leaves shamed faced and Oscar asks if Aerons okay? And hey it’s time for your break. Oscar also manages to text Davos about what just happened to Aeron and tells him to check up on Aeron when he gets home. The rest of the day passes relatively fast and before Aeron knows it he’s back in his shared apartment with Davos.

Davos knowing that Aeron hasn’t eaten lunch yet and how the customer was a real fucking bitch, runs a bath for Aeron with his favorite scented oil, and finishes up the pasta that Aeron loves and pours him a big glass of wine.

Aeron asks what’s the special occasion?

And Davos tells him Oscar texted him about the shit ass bitch ass customer and to make sure he takes extra care of Aeron. At hearing that Aeron bursts into tears and Davos hugs him tightly until Aeron stops crying.

Davos tells Aeron he’s sorry that Aeron had to deal with that customer while he’s learning to deal with grief and how to be a human again. He knows the grief fog is still with Aeron and while it will never go away, he’s there to help him in whatever way he needs. Aeron just thanks Davos but Davos brushes it off while telling Aeron it’s what boyfriends do and he’d be a shit boyfriend if he wasn’t there for him.

Later on Aeron texts Oscar thanking him for giving Davos a heads up, it made it easier to open up to him about his day. Oscar says that’s what friends are for and he hopes Aeron’s day and week goes easier for him than it did at the beginning.

Oscar also texts both Aeron and Davos in the group chat later on telling them he’s there for both of them if they need him. He also cares about them and Aeron please take it easy on yourself, you won’t get fired. He’s already talked to the manager explaining what happened and the manager said that they’d pull up the video to find the customer so if they ever came back she’d be refused service.

*Yeah I had that shit customer and she literally said that by not accepting a gift card from a different franchise I was inconveniencing her. Yes her man left after offering to pay. But no I didn’t get to say oh I’m sorry you’re being inconvenienced right but you see I just lost my mom last week but you’re right not having a gift card accepted is such a huge inconvenience. I was the only person able to take of customers while my manager was on break. So yeah just be nice to people you never know what someone is going through, I was a numb robot that day and the week before I went back to work.

Also happy birthday mom I miss you.

[thegreymoon]

Hi. My question is in regards to 2ha. It's 2024 and we still have bad takes. However, one that annoys me the most is people saying that the flower twist happened to excuse mo ran's SA of chu wanning. What do you have to say about this? How can i frame my response in a way that'll shut these people up?

Hey, anon!

Unfortunately, you can't shut people up. People are going to have all kinds of takes and opinions and your best bet is not to get drawn into fandom wank.

With that said, I believe that the flower twist is very important for two reasons. The first reason is that the flower is not there to absolve Mo Ran, but to condemn Hua Binan. Some months ago, I not only didn't follow my own advice about not engaging in fandom wank, I also rolled about in it like a pig in a mire and in the process wrote a very angry rant because someone who had not even read the book was calling it dumb. In it, among other things, I said:

The message of 2ha is that violence breeds more violence and that suffering breeds more suffering. Monsters are created, not born, the world is cruel and unfair, and there is no justice, but no matter what was done to you, when you turn around and inflict that same violence onto others, you transform from a victim into the very monster that you hate. This is why Mo Ran, who was Shi Mei’s first victim, also being a BBBF is thematically so important. By doing what he did to Mo Ran, Shi Mei invalidated his own cause right from the very start. This is Meatbun’s explicit condemnation of Shi Mei’s spree of retribution and quest for power. 

Shi Mei—who was a member of a group of people who were dehumanised, genocided, brutalized and enslaved—proceeded to, for his own benefit, dehumanize, genocide, brutalize and enslave others. What’s worse, he did not turn against those who had wronged him (or at least not immediately), but against those who were weaker than him, unguarded against him, and who would have, if they had known of his bloodline, loved and protected him anyway. Mo Ran, whom he violated to such a horrific extent, turning out to be a BBBF himself is a narrative rebuke of Shi Mei’s actions distilled to its most concentrated form.

The flower is not there to excuse Mo Ran's SA of Chu Wanning, that is just complete nonsense. I feel like a lot of people get too invested in the idea of 2ha having a villain protagonist and cannot reconcile themselves to the fact that he was the victim. Accepting that feels like a loss to them, so it is easier to say that the twist is cheap and nonsensical than to change their perspective of Mo Ran as someone weak and controlled rather than as someone powerful and in control. Then, there is the other group which read "rape" in the trigger warnings list and skimmed through the book just to get on their high horse and flap their mouths about how superior they are for not letting the book trick them into excusing it. If that was the only thing one took away from this twist after all the important messages Meatbun conveyed with the fact that Mo Ran was also the victim here, then they have completely missed the point. People who are so bothered by the non-con to the extent that they are blinded to ANYTHING ELSE written in this book should not have read 2ha to begin with.

The second reason is that 2ha is beautifully composed. it is very cyclical, the plot starts out very vague and broad and then moves inwards, in concentric circles until we finally get to the core and there, we find that Chu Wanning was actually Mo Ran's first love, just like Mo Ran was his. It removes the taint of Mo Ran's idiotic obsession with Shi Mei from the start of the novel which was manufactured and fake. We finally get to see the full picture and that his true love for Chu Wanning was always there, fighting to break out all along, even when he couldn't consciously process it. In fact, that twist is hardly a twist at all once you know it, it is so logical, because even though we love to blame all the misunderstandings and miscommunications in the first half on Mo Ran being "dumb", it is obvious from the start that there is something wrong with his memory and his way of thinking. Suddenly, it all makes sense.

However, one of the most impressive things about this book is the balance and the symmetry between the two leads. One is demonic, the other is divine. One is an extrovert, the other is an introvert. One is neat, the other is messy. One can cook, the other cannot. But they are both powerful, they are both equally obsessed with each other, devoted, jealous and unhinged and as such, they must be equal in all things. Chu Wanning's suffering and sacrifice for Mo Ran were so great, Mo Ran's suffering and sacrifice had to correspond in both gravity and horror. This is where the flower comes in. Taking the flower is Mo Ran's sacrifice and existing as Taxian-jun is his suffering. Because, make no mistake, Mo Ran as Taxian-jun suffered beyond comprehension.

Anyway, if you go through my 2ha, 2ha meta, mo ran and taxian-jun tags I am sure you can find lots and lots of my thoughts on Taxian-jun, Mo Ran's true nature, the cursed flower and him turning out to be a demon in the end.

Anyway, I hope my answer helps! :)

[amazeingartist]

09 soapghost fight (actual physical altercation)

ghost’s been in a mood all day, barking at everyone for not the first or last time. mactavish is trying hard to keep his cool, he read ghost’s file—whether it was authorised is another thing—so knows the man’s got issues but as good as mactavish is he’s no saint, he’s not some limitless well of boundless compassion and patience so when ghost gets up in his face (specifically) for the umpteenth time that day he barks back.

unsurprisingly ghost reacts, swings, and lands a solid punch to the jaw

mactavish stumbles back a bit and next thing he knows he’s being tackled to the ground. ghost keeps the upper hand on top of mactavish for a few seconds before the captain regains his bearings knocks ghost off. they’re tumbling in the dirt trying to lands whatever hits they can till mactavish kicks them apart and now on their feet, they start to fight properly. ghost’s reckless, overly aggressive but pointed in his blows. mactavish is forced to take a more defensive stance but read ghost’s moves exceptionally well and gets in a good couple winding hits

ghost staggers after a heavy punch to the sternum, mactavish takes the opportunity to grab ghost by the wrist and slams him into the ground hard on his back

mactavish is on top of ghost not a second later

his left foot pins ghost’s extended right arm while his right leg presses down onto ghost’s hips and thighs, right hand has ghost’s left arm in a death grip while his left pushes the lieutenant’s face right into the dirt

finally, ghost is subdued

they’re both panting from the exertion and pain, but despite it neither backs down. ghost tries to struggle against the hold but mactavish just drops more of his weight onto ghost’s abdomen. “fuck you mactavish, you wanker,” ghost spits through gritted teeth

“Sir” mactavish corrects. ghost’s only confused a second before the captain repeats himself, “it’s ‘fuck you mactavish, sir.’ won’t be telling you a third time lieutenant.”

now that ghost’s movement has been restricted, the adrenaline fades and his soreness become more apparent. he gives a last valiant effort to escape the hold before begrudgingly accepting the loss. mactavish does not move an inch however, only applying more weight as ghost remains trapped beneath him. the idea finally pops into his brain and ghost rolls his eyes

“fuck you mactavish… sir,” he relents

mactavish gives no reaction but removing himself from ghost so quickly it’s actually jostles the man. ghost’s body’s aches like a bitch but he rolls over without complaint, fighting to keep his breath even

“find me the next time you’re in such a pissy mood riley, will help ya burn that energy in the comfort of the gym on shock absorbent mats.” picking up the files dropped after ghost’s initial punch, mactavish continues on as if nothing happened

-

in my brain 09 ghost and soap fought a lot cause soap was the only one who could handle ghost’s shit, eventually the fights stops helping and soap ends up refusing which cause ghost to last out more to get a reaction but doesn’t work and then he breaks down and soap comforts him

and then ghost starts seeking out soap even though he has no idea what he wants or how to deal with himself so soap busies ghost with tasks that ghost only accepts cause it’s soap and soon they have a routine and then when soap has a bad day ghost’s there for him

and gets soap through it and then they start talking about emotions after like. 2 months into the arrangement and it’s awkward and stunted but productive nonetheless and over more time it becomes easier there’s still spats here and there but they’re not as destructive on both sides

and inevitably they share a night together which the next morning nearly sends back to the start but they suck it up and talk about it which ends way better than either except cause they’re both letting themselves have nice things and they don’t put a label on it but it is exclusive

and they fumble some more but now are too stubborn to allow for miscommunication to happen so it’s get sorted in record time and eventually ghost listens to mactavish recommend therapy and ghost only takes it cause he makes mactavish promise to take time off

I went really into these thoughts unexpectedly so I’m hoping they’re as tasty for y’all as they are me (ignore any errors)

[actual-changeling]

Kay i'm at an absolute loss here. I like them both equally but i don't see anything that provides reason for people to see crowley as bad? Like with azi yes i see he's flawed (which doesn't make him bad or abusive or whatever it just makes him complex and doesn't take away any of his lovability) but no matter how much i try to find anything...what has crowley done for people to get to the crowley=bad conclusion? What am i not seeing? 😅

There is nothing to see, that's the thing!

Is Crowley perfect? Fuck no, no one is, he is a person, he is complicated, has baggage, emotional issues, and sometimes he screws up.

What differentiates him from Aziraphale is the fact that Crowley has

a) accepted his flaws and shortcomings

b) addressed them and started healing

c) does not live in denial

d) seeks to have a healthy, mutual beneficial relationship with Aziraphale that they cannot have, unless they BOTH deal with their shit.

He could have become a demon like Hastur or Ligur, he could have done the same as Aziraphale and compartmentalized everything potentially upsetting, he could have kept his mouth shut in heaven and never fallen in the first place—those would have been the much, much easier paths to choose.

Yet he didn't, because he knows what matters to him, and he also knows that living a complicated, exhausting life that satisfies and contents you is better than living an easy life with a denial blindfold, ending up unhappy and unfulfilled.

The emotional work Crowley did is terrifying, it's horrible, and it requires you to be capable of enduring being uncomfortable. Aziraphale has so far neither faced his fears nor made himself uncomfortable to heal, which leads to him requiring Crowley to always agree with him and do what he tells him to, or he starts throwing a tantrum.

Crowley has DONE his changing, and sure, the process never ends, there were setbacks in season 2, and in season 3 he will have new shit to deal with, but he is in a much better place than he was before. Just look at the change in his attitude towards his plants, some of the silliness returning (the awning disaster), and his plans to confess to Aziraphale and have a proper talk about their relationship with him.

Now it's Aziraphale's turn—it doesn't make him evil, it doesn't make him worse than Crowley. All it means is that they're currently in two different stages of life and it's about time that Aziraphale catches up with him if he wants their relationship to exist.

[l3ominor]

Angst prompts, #11 for Recalled Legend?

11. What are your characters coping mechanisms?

ooh, for Legend? well. most of them aren't great, but he's working on some better ones with Ravio. he does have different reactions to different triggers, so I guess I'll just organize them based off of the triggering emotion.

Panic/getting startled/anger: he immediately goes into fight mode. anything that appears threatening to him, he will immediately try to get rid of it (usually with violence). it takes him a long time to cool down, and even after the situation is resolved, he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. if anyone happened to get hurt, he'll usually blame them for antagonizing him while he was out of control. it's easier than accepting the fact that he just hurt someone. Ravio's working on helping him be more accountable, as well as finding better releases for his panic.

feeling abandoned: this one is a little harder to pick up on. he spends more time isolated/pushing people away. if he thinks that someone he cares about is leaving/abandoning him, then he'll get more panicky, and be torn between trying to negotiate them staying, or just pushing them away faster. If he's told directly that he's not being abandoned, then he'll start to cool down, but he'll be fairly anxious/seeking reassurance for the next while.

guilt/loss: lots of isolation. he basically just shuts down. he avoids sleep and has a harder time taking care of himself in general. If it's bad enough, then he will end up hurting himself (biting, skin picking, etc.). Ravio is definitely working with him to get some better coping skills with this, mostly helping him feel more comfortable and patient with talking through his feelings and helping him find resolution/make peace with the things of his past.

[soraya-snape]

Why do people keep saying Snape should be over Lily by now?

I really don't get it. Especially when I think about myself. I lost two of my grandparents when I was 8/10 and even though I'm already in my 20s I'm still not over this loss and I don't think I will ever. Their deaths also does impact my life in some ways like (trying not to get too personal, but) it has negatively impacted my relationship with death, I can't talk about them because I don't know how to handle this grieve... There are nights when I just start crying because I miss them so much, even now writing this already makes me tear up.

Some people might now say “This is different, they were your family, and you were only a child.” but even though I would agree to some extent it's probably not in the way they mean it.

Let me explain with one of my two examples: My grandpa (who died when I was 10) and I were pretty close. From what I remember and have been told he was wonderful with us kids or like my mother once put it: when we were at my “other grandfathers” house we still usually hung around our parents but when we were at my grandpas house we literally forgot that our parents existed. Even though I don't have many memories of him left, I simply remember feeling happy when he was around.

But still, I think this relationship was less important to me than Sev's relationship to Lily was to him. You have to remember that he came from an abusive and neglectful home and probably didn't have any (real) friends before meeting Lily and also later in life. I on the other hand had a pretty loving family, and even the not so good relationships (like with my other grandfather) were still better than Sev's relationship with his father and probably mother too.

So of course it's different.

On the one side you have me, whose relationship with her grandfather is one of many loving ones (yes, it might be the strongest, but that doesn't really change anything).

On the other side you have this boy who has never really received/felt love before, and now he meets this girl, and she makes him feel love(d). I'm not going to argue about what kind of love either of them felt for the other, but I'm pretty sure Sev never gave or got more love to/from anyone ever.

And while loosing my grandparents at such a young age was definitely bad, I could imagine that losing them later in life would be just as bad, maybe even worse. Because having more time with them would obviously be amazing, but at the same time could also make loosing them even worse. So the age difference between me and Sev really doesn't make that much of a difference also considering Snily had a similar amount of time together before their “breakup”.

And this leads me to another difference between Sev and me. Two, actually.

First his friendship with Lilx ended and really not on good terms. Even though I think both are partly at fault here it was Sev calling her a mudblood that ultimately ended it. And he tried to apologize, but Lily didn't accept it. And no matter how you feel about her decision, I think if she had accepted, even if they still hadn't become (good) friends again, it would have made it easier for Sev. I think it would give him some peace of mind and the feeling of her still loving him to some extent.

While the last year of my grandpa's life was let's say complicated, and I didn't meet him as often as usual (a bit similar to Snily) I wouldn't say our relationship was strained especially when you compare it to Snily (I don't want to go into more detail and I also don't remember much of this time).

And the other difference is that Sev is at least partly at fault for Lily's death. Which obviously makes it harder for him to move on, even more so after they ended on a bad note.

I wasn't at fault for my grandpas death and also couldn't have saved him (funny thing is now I have knowledge that maybe could). Yes, the complicated situation of his last year might make his loss a bit harder, but not much.

To conclude, I totally do not understand why people don't understand why Sev can't get over Lily (and her death). Not only was she the only light in his life, the only thing that was ever good about his life, but it was also his fault that first he lost her and later she died.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Mature Rated Fics Masterlist (24)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19 / Part 20 / Part 21 / Part 22 / Part 23 /

Created: January 6th, 2024

Last Checked:------

Acceptable Payment: A Date With Katniss Everdeen-rEckLeSsLy.cOnFIneD (ff.net) Summary: "That Katniss was currently aware of, she needed to do two things: First, she needed to inform Johanna about everything that was Peeta Mellark. Second, she needed her help to make sure that she was most beautiful version of herself she had ever been for this New Year's Party." [Modern AU. Everlark.]

Curious Kat-MissprissHG (ff.net) Summary: While on the Victory Tour, Katniss suddenly becomes very curious and Peeta is the only one who she feels safe enough to ask. Will he answer her questions? Will he show her what she wants? Find out how Katniss explores her newfound sexuality with Peeta.

Mind Games-Samh1212 (ff.net) Summary: Katniss is a freshman in college. She picked a school hundreds of miles away from home hoping to avoid any and all connections to her past. Suddenly, she's paired with Peeta Mellark, a guy from her hometown, to do a somewhat unconventional project for her human sexuality class. Modern Day AU

i've been on fire, dreaming of you-orangecranscones (ao3) Summary: "I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again." Katniss and Peeta try to heal after the revolution. And they (mainly Katniss) finally learn how to love each other.

Secrets I Have Held in My Heart-flythroughflames (ff.net) Summary: I was cold to him, nasty even. I acted like there was nothing I wanted to do less than spend time with him. But every night, I would fantasize about him.

Sneak Attack-burkygirl (ao3) Summary: A surprise during Peeta's walk home from the bakery could change everything. A little winter Everlark interlude post-Victory Tour.

The Night Belongs to Lovers-burkygirl (ao3) Summary: Katniss finds it easier to be honest about her feelings for Peeta at night when no one else can see. Everlark growing back together in three scenes inspired by Because the Night Belongs to Lovers, co-written by Patti Smith and Bruce Springsteen. Trigger warnings for language, allusions to torture and sexual content.

Twelve-HGRomance (ff.net) or on (ao3) Summary: She has loved him since the day he tossed her that bread. And she thinks that she'll never win his heart. Because all he's ever done is pretend for the crowd…but what if one real moment could change that? One-shot. Canon Divergence. The Victory Tour in role reversal.

Under My Skin-Court81981 (ff.net) Summary: One-shot. Katniss takes a temporary job as a nude model, intending to get through the month and collect a paycheck. She doesn't expect the blond-haired, blue-eyed art student in the front row to affect her so quickly, nor does she anticipate falling in love when he needs her help for a private project.

You Put Your Arms Around Me and I'm Home-mrsbonniemellark (ao3) Summary: What would happen if Peeta hadn't been hijacked and Katniss and Peeta were allowed a private reunion?

[leggerefiore]

cw: twin wardens au, pla ingo, poly (ingo/reader, emmet/reader), fluff mostly,

ughhh debating writing more here but idk where to go with it

---

It was astonishing how they never realised they were twins.

Certainly, their amnesia was at play for their lack of memories and understanding of their past lives, and you understood that completely. Naturally, they had ended up separated, too, when they had landed it the wilds of Hisui. Emmet taken in by the Diamond Clan and Ingo taken by the Pearl Clan. The care shown for both of them by essentially strangers was endearing, and definitely was how they ended up recovering from falling out of the sky as well as they did. This did, however, mean they were completely unaware of each other's existences before they took over their positions as Wardens in the highlands.

Emmet at first believed they should be rivals, knowing that while the tensions were low between the clans, there was a chance that this person could be a bad actor. Ingo simply wished to have a professional politeness with his neighbour. Needless to say, they were both absolutely shocked when they had finally encountered one another. It was like gazing into an oddly twisted mirror and seeing an alternate version of yourself rather than a simple reflection. Emmet became paranoid that Ingo had copied him, but the Pearl Clan Warden easily explained that he was stunned by their similarities, too.

They quickly found themselves spending most of their time together up in the highlands when they were away from their duties as Wardens. Even moving in together to help manage their food resources and guard themselves from the harsh wilds. Emmet's odd spider pokemon that had refused to leave his side since he was found had grown and evolved into another pokemon that proved itself useful for obtaining silk for fabrics of various use. Both seemingly found the electric type quite a familiar thing, but neither knew just what to call it.

Their respective clans had found their closeness a bit odd at first, yet easily accepted it as it proved beneficial to everyone.

You still were stunned after meeting them both that neither had come to the conclusion that they were brothers. Ingo had simply introduced Emmet as a fellow Warden, and Emmet solely referred to Ingo by his name, not a single 'brother' called out by him. It was odd, especially as you had known them before your time in Hisui. They were extremely close back in Unova, completely inseparable. It must have been obvious to them here, too, but for whatever reason it had simply never occurred to them.

The time for asking questions came as Ingo led you through a cave in the highlands. You hung close to his side as he claimed that it was difficult to navigate and becoming 'uncoupled' was not allowed. You giggled at his word choice. A cruel irony, as you technically had been separated from your relationship with him due to his memory issues. Still, just being around him helped relieve a lot of the stress you had been going through in Hisui. Both he and Emmet had certainly gone through similar situations to you. Though, their memory loss had likely made adjusting easier.

“So… How close are you with Emmet?” you asked, finally breaking the silence in a meaningful way, “You two seem like brothers.” The time to tell them about your situation simply had not come yet. The idea of suddenly bursting out that you knew everything about them just felt wrong. It would cause them much unneeded stress, and they seemed perfectly fine the way they are.

“Well, we have taken to sharing a residence for safety reasons,” he replied, “Emmet seems like a nice fellow. A bit too playful at times, but he takes his duties as a Warden quite serious. I respect him.” You nodded along. That almost sounded like how he would describe Emmet back home to strangers. Even calling him a fellow rather than his brother.

“Ah, well, you two looked like brothers to me,” you smiled at him, “You two are identical, you know.” He stopped for a moment and looked around the rocky walls of the darkened cave. It seemed that thought had occurred to him already, but he had chosen not to pursue that line of thinking for whatever reason. You wandered in front of him to look him in the eyes.

“... Is that so? Well, I suppose I do feel like I have known him for a while,” he stated and brought a hand to stroke his goatee, “I wonder which one of us was the older sibling in that case.” You wanted to laugh at his words. The thought of Ingo even viewing Emmet as the older one seemed like an impossible thought back in Unova. Of course, it was impossible to tell with them without prior knowledge.

“I'd say you,” you hummed, “You seem like an older brother.” Ingo once more nodded at your words and began walking once more. You followed alongside him, just as you had before, now wondering what was racing through his head. His guided trip ended, and you separated for now. It was strangely lonely leaving his side once more to face the wilds on your own.

~

After the Noble pokemon Electrode had been calmed, you crashed outside the arena with a feeling of electric surging still racing through your veins. Somehow, he had felt more threatening than the other three nobles had been. Even Arcanine did not hold a flame to the way Electrode seemingly went after you. You needed to rest for a moment, so you ignored the concerned questions of both Laventon, Adaman, and Emmet.

In your moment of just zoning out, you felt something being softly taken out of your bones. The electrifying feeling finally fading after so long. You turned your head to see an unexpected ally. “Galvantula,” you cooed of the pokemon, who stared at you with their big, adoring six eyes. You patted your lap, and the spider immediately crawled on and just purred. It seemed the other two men had since gone, too, leaving you alone with Emmet. The Warden sat down beside you with wide eyes as the spider nuzzled into your pets.

“... You know us, don't you?” Emmet asked with a tilt of his head, “He has been verrrry protective of me since I first woke up.” You smiled at the familiar feeling. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend to be back home on your couch, just spending time with Galvantula and the younger twin. “You also told Ingo we seemed like brothers,” he continued, “He said you told him he seemed like an older brother.” It appeared the twins had already gossiped amongst themselves. There was rarely anything kept from between them.

“You both look older, you know,” you leaned your head onto his shoulder, “Still identical, though. You two really are twins.” Emmet hummed at your words. A sigh came from you when he placed a hand on your head and softly massaged your scalp. “Yeah, I knew you two,” you answered him properly, “We… We were dating.” It felt bad going against your words, but you decided not to provide them any information that they did not ask for.

“Heehee, I told him that,” Emmet's voice was light and teasing, “Ingo did not believe me when I said you looked at him with pure love.” Your cheeks grew warm at your words. Irida had mentioned your gaze, too. Apparently, your expressions were obvious to everyone but Ingo. “So was it my brother and me you were dating?” he questioned again.

“Both,” you told him. His fingers froze.

“Wooow,” that information had actually caught him off guard, “Couldn't choose?” You wanted to lightly hit his shoulder.

“I'll pick Ingo, then,” you threatened him playfully. He feigned terror.

“Mmm, nope!” he cooed and nuzzled his cheek against your head, “Me.” You laughed.

~

You stared at the Warden blocking your exit from the cabin with heavy annoyance. Ingo did little to make his brother move, too, which worsened your mood.

While Ingo had seemed mostly indifferent to your exploration for the plates with Volo, Emmet had taken up an opposing position. He had been entirely against it. Something about the blond set off the younger twin to a point where he stood quite literally blocking your only way out to meet him. You had decided to stay with the twins after returning from your banishment from Jubilife simply because the tensions of living there had become too much to bear, but you were currently regretting that decision.

“Emmet,” you sternly spoke, “Volo and I are searching for something of great importance. If it works, I think we may have a way to go home.” Arceus... It was a word neither you nor the blond had said, but completely understood the legendary pokemon to be the final goal. Arceus had been who brought you here, so it was easy to assume that it would too be your way back home. This was your plan to return both you and the twins to modern Unova. Of course, this was currently at a pause.

“He is not trustworthy,” Emmet shook his head, “He's a liar.” Liar? Interesting choice of words, but you supposed he did always prefer honesty. Volo, however, had never really lied to you. He seemed like a kind and helpful person. Even being the only one to reach out to you during your banishment.

“Is this jealousy, Em? I understand if you're uncomfortable with me being alone with another man, but I have my reasons,” you tried to explain, but the younger twin only seemed more frustrated with everything. Ingo finally gazed up from the stew he was stirring at you both.

“Perhaps Emmet could go with you?” he offered, “I imagine it would make everything more bearable.” You sighed but agreed. Emmet being there would be helpful for any dangerous situations, and it would help mitigate his worries. The Diamond Clan Warden hummed for a moment before nodding.

Hopefully, Volo would not mind your new addition.

[darlingpwease]

Hello, I am back with another question! :) Since it’s a common troupe in the transmigrator/isekai genre to try to ‘fix’ the plot so nothing bad happens to the novel world, what do you think might happen if the opposite happens? Like a transmigrator!reader doesn’t try to force anything to happen because these characters in the novel world aren’t just fictional creations - they are real people, with emotions and can think for themselves. They just go with flow while being content in their new life as a background character, focusing on bettering themselves and learning new skills, but don’t realize that just being themselves and treat everyone with respect and kindness in Sisheng Peak, they’ve attracted the attention of Chu Wanning, Mo Ran, Shi Mei, and Xue Meng?

lifeboat

but today this boat is going down

CW transmigration, unhealthy behaviour (obsessiveness, possessiveness), mention of suicide (xue meng), mention of forced kiss (mo ran), mention of mind control (shi mei), mention of amnesia

... It's hard with them all, but the System tells — promises — you that this is an easy and not dusty job, in which your only task is to be a minor character who has to die to add cheap drama and dog blood.

The fourth disciple of Sisheng Peak, who was accepted reluctantly after several attempts and refusals to be with anyone else, which touched Chu Wanning's heart. A cute little ball of the sun, "too pure too innocent for this world", whose role is to wag their fluffy tail like a tiny puppy and look with devoted eyes. In the dog trio 'Mo Ran / You / Shi Mei', you were supposed to be that fragile white lotus, whose death symbolizes a radical change in everything and that death is always there.

You should be moderately playful, moderately optimistic, moderately friendly, absolutely innocent and pure — a foil for both Mo Ran, wild and unfiltered, and Shi Mei, who hiding his face behind a mask. Xue Meng was the closest to you, despite the different personalities — he also suffered from deaths and losses, but survived, while you are destined to die.

... The problem is that before your role becomes one of stable and permanent, you need to play it qualitatively so that the world accepts you. But the System assures you that it will be easy for you — it's much easier than it even sounds! — and you don't have the opportunity to refuse or say "maybe we'll change it?".

You start far enough away from the main plot, after Chu Wanning became the elder of Sisheng Peak, but before Shi Mei became a disciple, although by that time you were already considered a disciple of Chu Wanning. Even if he was unyielding and tough, you didn't mind — a little kindness here, a little tenderness there, here to disturb the cold Shizun with tenderness, there to stun with an unexpected offer to take care of cleaning the house. You didn't understand much about this "white lotus type who raises death flags from the very beginning", so you acted on a hunch, trying to get along with the spoiled and arrogant Xue Meng and make the "snow queen" stop looking at you with... suspicion?... You were not sure yourself — all these games began to tire you out and even annoy you, especially when Xue Meng, with whom you should be on good terms, was not so willing to contact.

"EVERYONE HAS DIFFICULTIES, BUT THE MAIN THING IS EXPERIENCE,"

the System lovingly tells you when you are lying on the bed, completely unaware of what you are doing wrong. But you just have to try harder, right? Right?... Not a damn thing like that — you don't understand how to get close to Chu Wanning or Xue Meng, but, fortunately, you manage to find Shi Mei even before he became your 'shidi'. And, to your almost shame, even knowing that he is probably fooling around and using a fake identity, you feel good with him — Shi Mei is charming, sweet, polite and introverted, and although he needs time to recharge, he willingly spends it with you when you take the initiative, even if clearly not understanding why you mess with him.

Even if everyone else avoids him, you feel so good with him that you can't help but get carried away by following him and almost naturally immersing yourself in the role of an innocent and kind student, trustingly purring that he is amazing and everything alive should be treated with equality, patience and respect, and when you take by inertia his hand, then it seems so small and cold to the touch.

Perhaps you are too desperate even for an imaginary sense of success, but you can't help but seek his company, even if Xue Meng almost jealously capriciously says that you are no longer running after him and 'this is strange', and you want to agree, but you are too inspired by Shi Me. He's just so kind, and smart, and empathetic, and gentle, and looks like a porcelain doll, but even when he shows stubbornness, you can't help but nod, agreeing with almost everything if only the plot would move on with your participation.

... When Shi Mei becomes a disciple of Chu Wanning, you practically run to him with delight, purring with pleasure — and only in the evening you realize that this was the first time he smiled at you so... strangely, but you prefer to think that it was 'affectionate'.

Chu Wanning looks askance, but is silent, even when you have not come to him for more than a few weeks; next to Shi Mei, your nervousness becomes weaker and lighter, as if you are resting in your small garden, caressing your cute delicate flower, finally seeing the fruits of your care and attention with cooing over. Shi Mei is weak and has no talents, but for you he is the only thing that continues to keep you sane, convincing you that you will cope while you hide under the trees in the rain, huddling together under an umbrella, whispering about all sorts of nonsense and unimportant things that make you happy and giggling, and on for the first time, a happy smile appears on his scarlet lips, which is so tender and bright that your heart stops for a moment.

Obviously, he can only be a fairy — no less.

He's so cute.

And the fact that you get along with Mo Ran almost from the fly, as if blessed, cannot but please you, finally letting you exhale. Chu Wanning finally thaws and allows you to hover around him calmly, caring; Xue Meng clearly begins to consider you 'his person' after long emotional caresses, giving him time to thaw, although his personality itself does not get better; Mo Ran turns out to be a very kind and gentle boy with comets shining in his black eyes, and your gentle Shi Mei, although he has ceased to be the center of your attention, still remains a safe haven.

Perhaps this role is really good!

“I'm sorry I'm so late... you're not busy, right?... I know we've been talking less lately, but...

I have something for you.”

"THE CHARACTER SHI MEI USED A KEY PLOT ITEM ON YOU IN THE LAST TIME SESSION, WHICH WOULD LEAD TO THE COMPLETE ERASURE OF YOUR PERSONALITY AND THE CULTIVATION OF DEVOTION TO SHI MEI. TO PREVENT THIS, AN ALTERNATIVE LINE WAS CREATED. BE MORE CAREFUL IN THE FUTURE AND DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN."

"DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN," still the same loving, but a little more formidable and domineering.

You wake up in your bed, although you were sure that a few minutes ago you saw your Shi Mei, in whose gentle eyes devils glittered.

"IT WAS A DOOMED LINE. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD. CURRENT TIME POINT: THE DAY AFTER MO RAN AND SHI MEI AGREED."

... You tend to learn from your mistakes. Shi Mei seems a little lost, but clearly does not remember anything, and you tend to believe that this is much deeper than the "disappearance of one event" — the system does not respond, but you have the assumption that since your world is the "original", their memories were only implanted. Unfortunately, you haven't made any notes on trees or other places to check whether this theory is real, but in any case you remember.

Mo Ran has a clear look of black eyes, more like an incipient thunderstorm, a pale face and aquiline features. He becomes more distrustful and quieter, like a tense spring, and for a moment you think it would be better to let Shi Mei do what he had to do — in the end, it would also be dramatic, right? — but the System interrupts your question, explaining that the item inhabits the heart and leaves an imprint on the mind — and you are not so experienced yet, while its main and most important goal is, first of all, to preserve your mind, and only then to perform a specialized function. And although you have a question about both the term and the vague wording, you agree, realizing that it is difficult to formulate this question differently if it puts an end almost immediately.

"I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS SOUNDS AMBIGUOUS. JUST MOVE AND WORK, I'LL STEP IN WHEN IT'S NECESSARY."

And you're working.

Mo Ran does not pull away from you, but you are still more persistent and gentle, hoping to maintain the relationship to a warm enough degree that his "departure" will be a blow to you. After all, "death at the hands of a distraught best friend" is a good enough plot for dog blood and death for a hero of your type, isn't it?

... Shi Mei behaves calmly, almost gently, and although he is more like the same Shi Mei in your "first timeline", timidly touching your hand with his fingertips, gently smiling, coquettishly brushing hair forward with a shy gesture, you try to keep yourself in control, although you feel an almost obsessive desire to take his hands and cry from how beautiful he is — but the System reminds you that in your case it is still irrational to get involved with a future villain, "don't forget your role and the future, especially considering your past experience with him," and you can only continue to cling to Mo Ran.

It's funny and cheerful with Mo Ran — he's funny, loud and open, and although you see him getting darker and more depressed, as if consumed by paranoid and unhealthy thoughts, while something flashes in his pupils that you can't identify, you only encourage and play along. His skin is not as hot as it used to be, but you still press it to you in an attempt to warm it, and even when he, hiding face in your shoulder, hoarsely asks "why", you continue. Chu Wanning hesitantly pulls his hand towards you, but almost immediately takes it away, — and you pretend not to notice, cooing and purring with Mo Ran, who is distracted from obsessive thoughts only when you are near.

In this life, you have become less affectionate and active, but it seems to have given more results, from which you cannot help but suspect whether you should just... to abandon activity and allow yourself to get involved only in the most important moments and engage in initiating relationships, while leaving other moments to others. In the end, Xue Meng is more than willing to pull you along, Shi Mei lays his head on your shoulder and Mo Ran squeezes your shoulders almost to the point of bleeding, but you, as gentle and caring, only comfort him.

Chu Wanning? You... you yourself do not understand what he is doing, even if you feel that it is somehow wrong, does not fit the role of a cold and indifferent shizun, — but you still regularly come and help with small things, bringing sweets and small gifts, and with almost amazement for a moment catch yourself thinking that in this life he has become more gentle around you. Maybe because you live longer — you need to wait for the moment when the flower blooms to the fullest, and when Mo Ran, who has become even more contradictory and aggressive, will kill you.

In your free time, you try yourself in the role of your character, being kind and calm, as befits a "real white lotus", devoted to close people and betrayed by one of them. It's strange almost to the point of being unaccustomed or disgusted, but over time you learn how best to be "pure and spotless", as if a little more and you can immediately ascend to heaven.

... You know what you are doing when Mo Ran "goes crazy" — after all, the role of a young, just blossoming person, full of youthful hopes and who did not know the sorrows and difficulties of the world to the extent that gives others despair, makes you a wonderful lamb.

"BEAUTY MUST BE TARNISHED," the System says approvingly, and you agree, going to a confrontation with your former best friend, knowing that it will only bring death. Straightening your shoulders, you are not at all afraid of what awaits you, — your body is only trembling a little, — you have been preparing for this scene since your childhood in this world, looking into the brilliant purple black eyes of the person you once hugged as the most precious thing you have, and he desperately clung to you.

“... Do you think you can do something?”

You give your best, even when you start hurting your body, knowing that this scene must be intense and intense so that you shine like a shooting star.

... Even if they were doomed from the very beginning, like a tiny puppy in a battle with a huge dog...

“... You've always been too good.”

... But instead of emptiness in your chest, there is blood in your mouth,

and you don't know which one of you it belongs to

"INVASION OF UNIDENTIFIED AGGRESSIVE ENERGY, VIOLATION OF THE INTEGRITY OF THE BARRIER OF THIS TIME LINE. AN ALTERNATIVE TIME LINE IS BEING CREATED. BE MORE CAREFUL IN THE FUTURE AND DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN."

"IT'S OKAY."

you hear the soft, soothing voice of the System when you wake up in bed in your adult body, not much younger than the one you were in your... past life? time line? — you yourself are not sure what to call it.

"THIS IS A WORLD OF SPECIAL COMPLEXITY, IT IS NORMAL TO EXPERIENCE DIFFICULTIES. ALTHOUGH THE SECOND STAGE IS USUALLY THE MOST PROBLEMATIC, DIFFICULTIES WITH COMPLETING THE FIRST ONE ARE ALSO COMMON."

This is your second restart, the first time you've been so close to the end, and you... you need some time alone.

"... UNDERSTAND. GET SOME REST."

You are sure that everything is right now. Mo Ran has a flower, Shi Mei "died", Chu Wanning... Chu Wanning sometimes grabs you by the clothes and tries not to let you out of sight for a long time, although he does not understand why, you can read these vague and unidentified feelings in his eyes — fortunately, you continue to bring sweets and help him, even if it no longer makes sense now. A familiar routine helps you to distract yourself and think about many things, but not about those that bring you anxiety or anger. He behaves a little strange, but you believe that this is normal, because, frankly, you no longer have the strength to feel sorry even for yourself. To live a life where you were forced to see the death of people you were close to, and twice face problems over which you had no control, and have a strange "interference" from the outside, which even the System cannot recognize, — "IT IS CAUSED NOT BY SYSTEMIC REASONS, BUT BY INTRA-WORLD ONES, AND WE CANNOT KNOW ISN'T THIS A SIGN THAT THE HEAVEN OF THAT WORLD REJECTED YOU OR NOT", — and you're not sure if you can even try to "preserve" the correct appearance of the world. Why can't you be like Xue Meng? Because you are kind? What are you missing? Why does the world have to be permanently reset to factory settings?

... You communicate especially closely with Xue Meng, although in this life it is enough for you to have a warm superficial relationship with everyone — System does not require you to actively inject yourself emotionally, unlike early attempts, and you just relax, although it is a little hard for you to sleep at night. Now it is much easier and simpler to help people — passing through almost the third circle, you already know in advance all such moments, from which you are only required to remember and behave affectionately. Although it's a little... strange to see all the dead people alive again, but you're okay with it, thinking that all you have to do is survive this life and it's almost over. The second stage will be much easier — and simpler; System promises that it will make it easier for you in the second stage, and you are ready to cry and kiss its hands, because you definitely won't stand it twenty more times if this attempt is successful.

It is much easier to communicate with Xue Meng in this life — maybe because in the past, after you lost almost everyone, you stuck together to fight Taxian-jun's bloody regime and kill him, and you, having lived through many situations of a suspension bridge, in a sense became soft for him, ignoring even his obvious overbearing and aggressive nature, with easy withdrawal to emotions, narcissism and pampering. Rather, it even became something cute — especially with how hard he endures loneliness, difficult to cope with negative emotions and needs a light, soft relaxation that only others can give to cope with his ebullient energy. And even if at first Xue Meng is too inclined to give what he considers delicious or beautiful only himself, not paying attention to your preferences, over time he becomes more attentive, even more spreading the peacock tail in front of you, which sometimes becomes even more unbearable, but for some reason you like, even moments of his constant subconscious rivalry only to then relent and go on about it — and then immediately get back into the pose of pride, refusing on principle.

But you... you really like it for some reason. It's much easier, better with him — and when you let him lead you, letting go of control, lazily watching his skirmishes with Mo Ran, who in this life is much more inclined to circle around you, which further irritates the almost overprotective Xue Meng, or Shi Mei, with whom you sometimes sit together and aimlessly you talk, usually about some books or other little things, you feel so calm. Perhaps it was worth choosing Xue Meng from the very beginning — although he also annoys you like no other, it is quite cozy and calm with him, even despite his need for emotional support, which, however, Shi Mei can also provide, almost completely removing the need for you to strain beyond measure, only convincing Xue Meng that you are here with him and taking care of him.

He's almost like a child, but in the nicest way.

Yes, even when his pride becomes clinginess, and overprotection becomes possessiveness, and his fingers almost dig into your hand, telling you not to go anywhere, in an even more aggressive way, you still wave and nod.

You don't worry at all anymore, it's still kept within the storyline, and if he's a little weird about you, it will add drama to the theme of "a minor beta couple where one member dies." System says nothing, agreeing rather than refuting, maybe because it sees that you have absolutely no energy, but you no longer worry, giving yourself the desired rest.

After all, you deserve it, right? After all this work, it's only fair that you rest knowing what's ahead.

After all, you have no faith now that death will be "heroic" anyway.

You are no longer trying to be stronger to "defeat" Mo Ran, or to fight back against anyone else. You just allow yourself to be lazy, aimless and careless, hoping that it will help you, even if Chu Wanning clearly disapproves of such laziness (or something else?) and Xue Meng tries to convince you to train with him by clinging to your clothes — you train no more than the necessary minimum, preferring to watch Xue Meng and praise him.

“Just be with me! I can take care and protect you! I'll be strong enough for you — just stop looking around and doubting!”

... When Sisheng Peak was destroyed, becoming the first target on Taxian-jun's path, you did not even try to continue the fight or stand at the head of the opposition with Xue Meng, as it was before.

Although, you are sure that your actions made no sense or reason for anyone.

"THE FIRST HALF WAS OVER. THE LEVEL IS SATISFACTORY. THE TIME LINE WAS FIXED AS THE MAIN ONE. PLEASE GET READY TO CONTINUE YOUR STORY."

"THE TIME LINE WAS BROKEN."

"THE TIME LINE WAS BROKEN."

"THE TIME LINE WAS BROKEN."

"THE TIME LINE WAS BROKEN."

"THE TIME LINE WAS BROKEN."

"THE TIME LINE WAS..."

"HELLO, HOST. CALL ME THE SYSTEM. AS YOU ALREADY KNOW, YOUR TASK IS TO QUALITATIVELY PLAY YOUR PERSONALITY, WHO IS A MINOR CHARACTER AND THE FOURTH DISCIPLE OF SISHENG PEAK. CURRENT TIME POINT: MO RAN WOKE UP AGAIN IN HIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD BODY AFTER HE DIED."

For some reason it seems vaguely familiar, but perhaps you have heard this somewhere before. You don't remember much about waking up on the bed, looking around sleepily. The body is both familiar and unfamiliar, as is the environment around it.

Obviously, these are memories of your body, considering that you are here for the first time, although even these thoughts seem familiar.

"YOU JUST HAVE TO BE AN INNOCENT AND KIND DISCIPLE. GIVEN YOUR PERSONALITY AND EXPERIENCE, IT WILL BE EASY. DON'T BE AFRAID OF ANYTHING AND BE SURE THAT I WILL BE WITH YOU UNTIL THE END."

Sounds simple enough. Just be nice until the end of the plot? You might as well be a salty fish and enjoy life as a minor character without interfering in their lives in any way. In the end, it's not that your intervention makes sense or matters — as long as the plot is moving, they're all doing what they should and think is right. Are you ready to take responsibility for the characters, if now they are real people, and not their life or future depends on your actions, but the future of the whole world? Of course not. This is your first task — you should work responsibly and efficiently!

... You really don't know what's wrong when CHU WANNING gently lifts your face, looking into your eyes, before saying that he is ready to be your teacher and promises to teach you everything he knows and take care of you — which is definitely not in his personality! And although the fact that XUE MENG takes you by the sleeve and says that you are his friend, without accepting objections, you are still ready to accept, but the way SHI MEI himself approaches you when you are sitting under a tree, smiling so affectionately in a familiar way, starting a dialogue is so familiar to you, as if you've been talking to him all your life — you're already starting to think 'a little weird'.

And you treat Mo Ran's friendliness and affectionateness normally, until the System informs you that he has been reborn — only to dig his fingers into your clothes as soon as he wakes up after the punishment, while you are at his bedside to take care of him together with Shi Mei (which, however, causes dissatisfaction with Xue Meng, who is sure that you are wasting your time on someone like this useless dog and should train with him instead). Mo Ran's face hides in your shoulder, but you do not dare to ask what is wrong, except to comfort and purr that the teacher was forced to do this, such rules — but Mo Ran's grip only becomes stronger when his hands squeeze you by the waist, as if he wants to say something, express, but not can't find a word.

And you feel that something is wrong, unable to ignore it anymore — you could have pretended earlier that Chu Wanning's friendliness was a 'weakness for the cute', or that Xue Meng 'wanted to have a cute friend', or that Shi Mei 'was fascinated by your aura', while Mo Ran is 'just very kind, despite all the horrors of life that he has experienced' — but Mo Ran's too strong reaction, especially considering the story about your 'past' life that the System gave, is inadequate.

"NO. THERE IS NO MISTAKE. CHARACTERS CANNOT BEHAVE "INADEQUATELY". THE DATA AND BEHAVIORS OF THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT DIGITAL DATA, BUT A FLEXIBLE SPECTRUM EMANATING FROM EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO THEM, THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERISTICS AND DISTINCTIVE FEATURES. THEIR ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOU DEPENDS ONLY ON YOUR ACTIONS AND CHARACTERISTICS."

When Chu Wanning hugs you tightly to him, without explaining anything, during your cleaning of his room, you also say nothing, only allowing him to do it, although you can almost feel the flame of something burning inside him that you are not able to recognize.

And even when Shi Mei puts his head on your shoulder, lovingly intertwining his fingers with yours, almost cooing while it's raining, and in his eyes you can read something that defies explanation, like looking into a deep lake and seeing there the outlines of what you don't want to see even in nightmares.

You just try to be kind and responsive, helping and being helpful, even if their problems are intuitive and easy for you, as if you have not even once or twice, but three or five times encountered them — or maybe even more.

And although it seems boring or useless, at some point you even begin to have fun — and the four of you walk around the sect to find something to do, although Mo Ran and Xue Meng prefer to continue verbally fighting and fiddling like in the good old days.

good old days?

“... Do you... remember anything strange sometimes? For example, something that didn't happen, but you are sure it was?”

You stop from cleaning, looking over your shoulder at Chu Wanning, who is creating a new mechanism — but now the gaze of the black eyes is directed at you.

And you want to say that 'no', but something inside you is slipping viciously, as if it's a lie — so you just shake your head in denial.

He doesn't say anything, but for some reason you feel ashamed.

“... I'm your teacher. If something bothers you, you should contact me. I'll take care of you.”

You don't say anything, but nod, although you don't look at him, — but feel his gaze burning so intensely for the first time.

Something's wrong.

“... IN SOME WORLDS, CHARACTERS CAN SENSE THE EXISTENCE OF THE SYSTEM IF THEIR CONNECTION TO HEAVEN IS TOO STRONG. IT'S NOTHING SCARY. WE CAN ALWAYS CREATE AN ALTERNATIVE BRANCH AND ERASE UNNECESSARY MEMORIES AND MOMENTS.”

“I'll protect you. It doesn't matter at what cost. Just stay with me.”

Maybe you can fix it then?!

[missbunmuffin]

head canons for my favorite punch out boys

Some oc stuff is in here ;-;

Glass Joe

- Has a doll faced Persian cat(I think those are safe to breed but if not she’s a ragdoll) named BonBon. He acts like she’s the sweetest thing in the world but she’s a literal demon.

- He gives the BonBon the teddy bear haircut because it’s easier for the both of them. Her fur is less of a nightmare with it.

- Used to bleach his hair but stopped due to how damaging it was. I imagine at first he did it himself instead of getting it professionally done and a chunk fell out once. Bonbon tried to eat it.

- He has silk bedsheets

- He has a younger sister named Genevieve and she’s only about 11 months younger so that makes him an Irish twin(My logic is to give the French guy a Irish twin but not the Irish guy lmao) she’s married and has two kids while he just has his girlfriend Eleanor.(She’s a oc of mine I’ve posted about her before if you want to learn about her ig) She likes to refer to Joe as her little brother because of this and he has to correct people a lot.

- His sister can kind of be an insensitive asshole sometimes.

- He’s not really scared of doctors and dentists like he used to be he’s more used to it with all those losses.

- He’s still kind of afraid of getting haircuts though(totally not self projecting hee hee) he doesn’t like looking at himself in the mirror with the cape thing wrapped around him along with wet rat hair. He’s been seeing the same hairdresser for years that he trusts more than anyone. Yet he’s still afraid of something bad happening.

- He wants to take Eleanor to Lorie Valley someday. He thinks she’ll like the castles and shit

- If you’re close to him and you’re being a dick you are basically asking him to be a dick back.

- Scared of those swing rides at carnivals and fairs. Based on a fear of hitting something on those rides since I was a child

- His mom bugs him about not being married or not having kids. She also forgets Eleanor exists and one time said “maybe you’ll find your future wife there :D” right in front of her(based off that one time my grandma said something like that to my brother when he has a gf. She wasn’t in the room but still)

- Always goes along with the games his nieces wants to play even if it’s just him being tortured. Their favorite game is horses which is basically Joe being on all fours on the ground pretending to be a horse.

Disco kid

- Can’t cook for shit

- Responses to texts with these things sometimes

- Type of person to go all out in just dance

- One of the only boxers Aran’s sister is more friendly with. Also her names Freya posted about her too. He’s actually interested in her artwork and doesn’t try to push boxing on her. They also have a common interest in dancing

- He found out not to look at other people’s sketchbooks the hard way by snooping in Freya’s

- He has a shit ton of those paper star things because Freya gives them to him

- Was one of those kids who would just dance in the hallway

- He was a choir boy and was the only guy to get accepted into the advanced choir because he was actually good and not just because he was a guy(no this is not based on the fact that guys get easily accepted into that more at my school)

- I think he would collect pusheen stuff

- Laughs at the dumbest shit

- Blasting music in the car. It’s so loud you can hear it when he’s passing by your house or something.

Don Flamenco

- He’s actually more anxious than he seems to be he worries about the most random shit (totally not self projecting again hee hee)

- Scared of lice to the point where it’s pretty much a phobia(same bestie)

- He’s tried on Carmen’s heels before for fun and almost twisted his ankle

- Also kind of scared of the swing rides but he would never admit it

- Shaves his legs to show them off

Aran Ryan

- He treats Freya like she’s 8 sometimes he’s not really accepting of the fact she getting older.

- He forces Narcis to play with her old dolls with him because he was forced to play with her as a teenager so he could be *productive* and he misses it. It was never in the normal way there was alway drama.

- They add WVBA action figures into their games and they make stupid stories with the other boxers.

- He’s been aloud to curse in the house since he was like 7 his mom didn’t care just don’t say anything at school or in front of grandma

- Cuts his own hair with kitchen scissors and gets bullied by Narcis and Freya for it.

- His mom wasn’t from Dublin she was from Londonderry

- Basically his sister’s father figure because he died when she was so young

- Type of person to just shake the wii remote in just dance but he still loses that’s the one thing his cheating won’t get him to win