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kanerallels · 3 years

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Homeward Bound

(for Kanera Week, based on the prompt "reunion/making up for lost time")

Read on AO3 here!

@kaneraweek

Word Count: 1,828

Tags/Warning: rated G

Summary: Five years after the battle of Yavin, the Empire is defeated above Jakku. It's an important day for all of the galaxy-- but for Kanan Jarrus and Jacen Syndulla, it's especially meaningful.

Kanan was busy making dinner when the call came. He heard the beep of the holocom going off, and didn’t turn from slicing the kajaka roots in front of him. “Kasmir, can you get that?” he called.

The Kalleran, who’d moved to Ryloth with him to take care of Jacen, headed across the room. “Don’t let the steaks burn while I’m gone, or Cham will never let it go,” he warned Kanan. “Your father-in-law is notoriously picky about how well done his steaks are.”

Letting out a snort, Kanan said, “And yet you consist in making them well done. I wonder why that is?”

Kasmir ignored him, which was unsurprising. Kanan was definitely grateful for Kasmir hanging around. However, he had a habit of clashing with Hera’s father. The only thing the two of them could agree on was Jacen, and the fact the kid deserves the best.

As he continued chopping up the kajaka roots, he heard Kasmir whistling as he checked the com. Then he stopped abruptly, and Kanan felt his heart skip a beat.

The only people who called them on that holocom, other than Sabine from time to time, was the New Republic. Which meant there was some kind of news from Hera.

Setting down the knife, he moved towards the door. “Kasmir. What is it?”

“It’s… good news,” Kasmir said, his voice stunned. “Jakku’s been taken. The Imperial fleet has surrendered.”

Feeling shock cut through him, Kanan took a deep breath. “Does that-- you’re saying--”

“She’s coming home,” Kasmir said, the grin in his voice obvious. “The captain’s coming home.”

Kanan could feel a smile spreading across his face. Force. She’s coming back. Finally, she’s coming home. Turning, he managed to keep his voice steady as he called, “Jacen! Come here for a minute!”

The sound of thumping feet caught his ear, and Jacen raced into the room. “Yeah, Dad? What’s up?”

Cham was a few steps behind his grandson, and Kanan felt his curious gaze resting on him. “Is there something wrong?” he asked, his voice wary-- clearly he’d heard the holocom go off as well, and connected the dots.

“No,” Kanan said. “The Empire surrendered.” He could sense the shock radiating from Cham as he turned to Jacen. “Jacen, your mom’s coming home.”

Jacen let out a whoop and launched himself at Kanan. “REALLY?? Really really? Mom’s coming home? For how long?”

“For good, kiddo,” Kanan said, hugging his son tightly. “The fight’s over. She’s not going anywhere once she gets home.”

“YES!!!” Jacen said, wriggling free from Kanan’s grasp to start jumping around the kitchen. “When? When are we going to see her?”

“ETA, three days,” Kasmir said, and Jacen let out another shout of delight.

“Time to start planning the welcome home dinner,” Cham said, his voice satisfied. “Only the best to welcome home our Hera.”

Chuckling, Kanan said, “I guess we’d better start making some calls. The others are going to want to be here for this.”

As Jacen jumped around the kitchen and Cham started planning the dinner out loud and Kasmir made fun of him, Kanan could smell the steaks burning in the other room. But he didn’t care. Hera was coming home.

The next few days slipped by with surprising speed as the four of them made calls and prepared for the welcome home dinner. A message from Hera confirmed her arrival time, which only heightened the excitement.

The guests started arriving the day of-- Kallus and Zeb, of course. Sabine, along with Rex and Ahsoka, bringing stories from the Outer Rim, and even Numa and Gobi, Cham’s seconds in command. The house was filled with people, talking and laughing and helping with dinner. Zeb, Ahsoka, Kasmir and Rex had commandeered the kitchen, with Cham supervising, Numa and Gobi were entertaining Jacen by telling him stories, and Sabine and Kallus were discussing tactics. Everyone was there-- except Kanan and Jacen.

Leaning back on the heels of his hands, Kanan tilted his head up to the sky, enjoying the cool night air as he asked, “Do you see anything yet?”

“Nope,” Jacen reported. He’d managed to convince Kanan that they could wait for Hera up on the roof-- which, admittedly, hadn’t taken much. The only person more excited than Jacen was Kanan, although he didn’t show it as much as his son did.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, savoring the thought of Hera, finally home to stay. It had been a long two years, with visits every now and then, but mostly so much time apart. Kanan missed her, aching to hold her in his arms again. Force, it would be so good to have her back.

Next to him, Jacen let out an impatient sigh. “How long is this gonna take?”

“Hang in there, kid,” Kanan said with a grin. “She’ll be here soon. Your mom isn’t late often.”

“How are you so patient?” Jacen grumbled.

Feeling a soft smile crossing his face, Kanan replied, “I’ve spent a lifetime waiting for your mom. I can wait a little longer.”

“Well, I haven’t spent that long, and I don’t want to.”

“Someday, you’ll find someone you’d wait that long for,” Kanan replied absently, running his fingers through his beard. “And you may find you don’t mind as much.”

“Ew,” Jacen muttered, and Kanan laughed.

“You might not want to hear it, but you’ll understand when you get older.”

“I don’t think I want to understand-- THERE!” Jacen jumped to his feet, and Kanan lunged forward, grabbing him by the back of the shirt to prevent him from plummeting off the edge. Disregarding his near-death experience, Jacen said, “It’s Mom! It’s the Ghost!”

Even as he said the words, Kanan could hear the familiar rumble of the Ghost’s engines as it cruised overhead, setting down a little ways away.

“Take it easy, we don’t want you to fall off the roof before you see your mom again,” Kanan said, feeling a similar buzz of excitement going through him even as he spoke. Hera was right there. She was right there, and she was finally home. “Come on-- do you want to take the direct way down?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, hang on.” Grabbing Jacen, he swung the boy up and over one of his shoulders. Jacen let out a shrieking laugh as Kanan called on the Force and jumped from the rooftop, landing lightly next to the door just as Kasmir stepped out. He gave a strangled yelp, clutching his chest.

“Holy-- don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry,” Kanan said with a grin, depositing Jacen on the ground. His son immediately took off towards where the Ghost was-- Kanan could hear the ramp lowering even from where he stood. The next thing he heard was Jacen shouting for his mom, his voice filled with pure joy. And then he heard her. Hera’s voice. No matter how long he lived, Kanan knew that hearing her voice would always be one of the greatest experiences of his life.

As he started towards them, he heard Hera hugging and kissing Jacen. “Oh, look at you, you’ve gotten so big--”

“Mom, guess what? Sabine says there are planets on the Outer Rim that have swoop bike races, and the bikes have these crazy engines on them,” Jacen said, all but bouncing in place. “And she said they take entrances as young as fifteen, so when I get that old, I wanna go there and beat the record--”

“We’ll talk when you’re older, dear,” Hera said, humor in her voice.

“--and guess what, Uncle Zeb and Uncle Kal are here, and Rex is making dinner, and he said he’d teach me how to use his blasters, and Dad said that Rex is one of the only people he’d want to teach me that, but I have to wait until I’m older but can we please do it now--”

“Hey, what have I told you about that divide and conquer stuff?” Kanan called as he came up to them. “I already gave my answer to that one.”

Jacen let out a disappointed groan, but Kanan felt Hera’s gaze on him and he had only one thing on his mind right now. Closing the distance between them, he pulled Hera into a warm hug. “Welcome home, General Hera,” he whispered.

He felt her let out a soft chuckle. “No general now. I resigned my commission. I’m officially a civilian like everyone else, and very happy about it.”

“Maybe. But you’ll always be my captain,” Kanan said. Leaning back, he let his hands slide down to rest on her hips. “So, what are your plans now that you’re home?”

Placing the palms of her hands against his chest, Hera murmured, “I’ve got a few ideas.” The mischief in her voice brought a grin to Kanan’s face, and he leaned down, catching her lips against his in a kiss. Her hands slipped up and twined around his neck, and Hera pulled herself closer to him, kissing him back with such intensity Kanan almost lost his balance.

The next sound he properly heard was the disapproving beeps of an astromech droid. Hera laughed against his lips, and Kanan shook his head. “I’m still somehow glad you survived, Chop,” he told the droid. “Thanks for taking care of her for me.”

Chopper grumbled something, and Hera smacked him in the arm as she stepped back. “I took care of myself, thanks for noticing, love.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Kanan said, tugging her forward into his arms again. “But you know those flyboys in the New Republic. One of them might have tried to steal your heart, and then where would we be?”

Hera came willingly into his embrace as she replied, “How can they steal it when you’re taking such good care of it?”

Kanan grinned at that. “Oh, that’s a good one.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I’ll have to remember that.” He was about to kiss her again when a shout came from the house.

“Hey, lovebirds! If you’d like to take a minute for the rest of us, dinner’s about ready,” Kasmir yelled. “And the others would like to see Captain H as well.”

Kanan released a long sigh, and Hera chuckled softly. “Later, dear,” she said.

“Later,” Kanan agreed. Unable to resist, he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against the side of her jaw, and murmured, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me, too,” she said, her voice a tad breathless, and Kanan grinned.

“Can we have dinner instead of kissing now?” Jacen asked.

Letting out a laugh, Hera said, “Of course, Jacen.” Stepping away from Kanan, she led the way to the house, catching hold of Kanan’s hand as she went. Kanan willingly went after her, letting himself be pulled back into the chaos in the house. Their reunion could continue later. Because now, they had a lifetime for it. Neither of them were going anywhere, and that-- that was more than enough for Kanan.

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konekorambles · 5 years

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Femslash February 2020 - Day 6

Sparks Across the Stars–a set of non-continuous, related ficlets set over the course of Hera and Ahsoka’s relationship.

Day 6: Upside Down (prompt from @femslashfeb) Rating: G Words: 921

First | Prev | Next

Insert comments, get fic

~~~~~~~~~~

The best part of returning home to the Ghost is always the greeting she gets. Today is no exception.

“‘Soka!”

The landing ramp hasn’t even fully lowered before Jacen is charging down it, flinging himself at her knees in total confidence that she will catch him before he hits the ground. She does, swinging the toddler up and tossing him in the air while he shrieks in delight.

“Look at you, little one,” she laughs, settling him on her hip and ruffling his green hair. “You get a little bigger every time I see you.”

“I’m growin’,” he informs her seriously, holding a little hand up in front of her face for inspection.

“So I see.”

Hera meets them at the top of the ramp, smiling softly and shaking her head at her son’s antics. “Welcome back, love. I think he missed you.”

“I missed you both too.” It’s still so new, so wonderful, everything feels shivery and warm when Ahsoka leans down for a kiss, uninterrupted by Jacen kicking his heels into her thigh in protest.

“Mama, no! I’m talking!”

Ahsoka is the one to pull away, trailing her free hand down one of Hera’s lekku as she turns her attention back to Jacen. “Alright, little one. What do you want to talk about?”

Ever the storyteller, he launches into a babbled tale that Ahsoka only half understands, something involving Chopper and his Auntie Sabine. She nods along, following Hera into the ship and clambering up the ladder one handed. When they get to the galley, she’s surprised to see that not only is there caf already brewing, but Hera dug out the spiced cream that only Ahsoka really likes.

“How did you know I was coming?” She asks quietly over Jacen’s continued chatter, wincing apologetically when he stops and glares up at her indignantly.

“Felt you in my head.” He seems to take her startled silence for disbelief, and pouts. “Did! You feel like—“ he flings his arms wide in a mimicry of an explosion, complete with sound effects.

“Do I now?” She’s not at all sure what to make of that particular description, nor of the fact that Hera hasn’t even paused in digging through the cabinet of mugs.

She doesn’t turn, but Ahsoka can see the way her shoulders tense. “He’s been feeling a lot of people in his head, lately.”

It’s hardly a surprise, given that the Force tends to run in families, but with Hera’s past, she can hardly be expected to be thrilled.

“I see,” Ahsoka murmurs, trying to come up with something, anything to ease Hera’s mind.

Insistently, Jacen pats at her cheek until she looks down again, and informs her “Uncle Zeb is purple!”

“He certainly is,” she agrees, switching him to her other side to take the cup Hera offers her.

“He makes me go upside down!”

“Really?” She sets the cup down, adjusting her grip behind his legs. “Like this?”

With a slight push he flops over in her hold, dangling and giggling wildly as she swings him back and forth. Hera scoots her mug out of reach of tiny flailing fists, laughing as she seats herself at the table. “I think sometimes Uncle Zeb forgets that not everyone can grip with their feet like he does.”

“That’s okay, we can still dangle him by his ankles,” Ahsoka laughs as she boosts Jacen back upright, plants a kiss on his forehead, and tries to settle him back against her hip.

Instead he flings his entire weight backwards, very nearly launching himself out of her grip. “Again, mama-‘Soka, again!”

Only years of discipline keep her from dropping him headfirst on the floor. Hera’s eyes have gone wide over the rim of her mug, and she makes a little choking noise. Jacen, oblivious, continues to squirm in Ahsoka’s hold.

“Again, mama, again, again!”

She gives up and lets him fall backwards once more, unable to meet Hera’s eyes but unable to look away from the way her mouth twists and her fingers go white around the handle of her mug. Ahsoka lowers Jacen to the ground, rolling him through a backwards somersault so he comes up laughing.

“You should go tell Chopper that ‘Soka’s here,” Hera suggests, her voice only shaking a little.

Jacen’s face lights up—he always likes feeling helpful, even if it’s only fetching Chopper—and he barrels toward the cockpit, leaving the two women alone.

Ahsoka finally looks away, clearing her throat. “I’m sorry, I should have—“ she swallows, pushing away discomfort at the thought—“I’ll tell him not to call me that.”

“No.” Hera’s voice still trembles, but there’s no trace of doubt in it. “No. You mean more to us than that. To both of us.” Ahsoka’s gaze snaps up to meet determined green eyes. “If you want it, I think he should call you ‘mama’. He usually calls me ‘mom’ anyway, so it won’t be confusing.”

It takes a very long moment before Ahsoka can reply, her throat working uselessly as she blinks back tears. Finally, she manages to force out, “yeah, I’d like that very much.”

Hera does not fling herself into Ahsoka’s arms, they’re not exactly teenagers anymore, but it’s a very near thing. The kiss says everything, though, with the way she can feel Hera shaking with emotion, the way her own fingers clench tight in the fabric of Hera’s sleeves. They have more to talk about, more that needs to be said out loud, but for now this is enough.

#SWWriting #Herahsoka #femslashfeb2020 #Hera Syndulla #Ahsoka Tano #Femslash February 2020

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twilightofthe · 5 years

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In celebration of Mutual Acquaintances.. Satine: 5, 6, 7, 8, 28, 31, 42, 47, 48; Obi-Wan: 7, 8, 12, 14, 27, 31, 33, 47, 48; Padmé: 4, 6, 7, 8, 12, 18, 19, 28, 33, 34, 39, 42; The Disaster Boi: 10, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22, 28, 29, 31, 33 and bc we all need more sexuality headcanons, 13 for ALL of them

Whooo-WEE here we go, thank you! Get ready for VERY VERY LONG Rambling!

SATINE

(5) Cleanliness habits: Oh, she’s a total neat freak. Everything in her office is minimalist style and organized to a T. If someone moved something even an inch, she’ll be hounding everyone about who was messing with her stuff. Constantly washing hands, very clean, doesn’t like dust on stuff at all (has a bit of a dust allergy, actually. Lily pollen getting everywhere is a Problem for her). She’s practical, however, and if she HAS to get down and dirty, she will-- of course not without a suitable amount of icky faces made plus a side of complaints xD

(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu: Ok so we’ve got canon showing her eating meat, but don’t tell me Super Pacifism Lady wouldn’t IRL be that one ubervegan friend of yours on Facebook who’s constantly posting weird things about it and you gotta be like “aight Katie chill”. ANYWAY, so I’d say Satine in canon eats healthy-ish? She’s not the biggest fan of breakfast foods and is always up in the morning doing stuff, so she sometimes forgets to have anything besides black coffee. She’s not a particularly picky eater so she’ll eat whatever the cook is serving that day, but she prefers simpler meals, and can cook for herself (which came in handy during the Year On The Run because neither Obi Wan nor Qui Gon can cook for shit (my canon is no one in that line besides Anakin can cook and I’ll die with it) and eventually Satine was like “guys, I’m sorry, but no, u can’t try and protect me and then poison me at dinnertime. I’ll cook”). She does like to pair her evening meals with whatever drink she’s having that night. I also h/c her as a functioning alcoholic, so she’s always got SOMETHING to drink, but she is trying to work on restraint and control because when she was younger it got... Not Good at one point. She also has a sweet tooth though, and she really likes chocolate!

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Satine is a... twitchy.... individual with a stressful job, so she is kinda conditioned into stressing the heck out if she’s got too much free time. Therefore, a lot of her free time is spent trying to relax. Cleaning is theraputic for her, so she does clean (yes, there is a cleaning droid but it is nOT GOOD ENOUGH) when she can. She likes that Mando sword box game we saw Sabine and Fenn Rau playing in Rebels, it clears her head and lets her practice problem solving. She likes going for walks too. She’ll sneak down to the kitchens and just make a bunch of sandwiches. She does enjoy beautiful things, so I’d say shopping for dresses or browsing art galleries is good too. I also think she’d be the type to read and write poetry, then save bits she likes.

(8) Indulgences: Look, Satine likes Nice Things, ok? She does consider fancy wardrobe and buying nice paintings a bit of an indulgence, but she adores color so she excuses that as promoting happiness for the people. As so she does a fancy ship and other fancy trinkets around the house. She’s not a huge fan of most people touching her, but she allowed a massage once... she would be amendable to perhaps another in the future......... Scented candles are nice too, clears the head. She refuses to consider chocolate an indulgence because it is obviously the gods’ gift to humanity, excuse you. Are we calling lusting over her secret forbidden boyfriend an indulgence????

(28) Who is their best friend? Their worst enemy? The sad thing about Satine Kryze is that canon wise, she is extremely lonely. Literally everyone she trusts betrays her at some point-- which also makes worst enemy pretty hard too. In my verse, this has led to her kind of shutting away from friends because people always leave her-- though I’d say she’s always been close with Padmé; she sent aid to Naboo after the Federation Blockade and got to know and became extremely impressed with the young Queen, and they kept in touch afterwards. Whether they could be together or not, I’d always say Obi Wan was her best friend too because that’s ALWAYS necessary in a relationship, and they clearly stayed in contact and knew each other like the back of their hands. I’d honestly say her worst enemy is herself, cliché as it is, because girlie makes a LOT of mistakes-- and then never learns from them or even acknowledges they exist besides an “oh whoops, that happened, we fixed it, everyone as you were”. I get it wasn’t meant that way, but she legit committed ethnic cleansing against her political opponents. I hate to say it, but there are very valid reasons for a lot of people to Not Like Her (none of the guys who attack her on the show count because they’re literally all douchecanoes fuck them), and she kind of shoots herself in the foot trying to fix the problem but making it worse. I h/c her as having a lot of self-loathing problems because she is trying to fix things but nothing ever works and that must be her problem so she must try harder without ever confronting what exactly her problem is.

(31) Most prized possession: Woah, never really thought of that. As much as I want to say “pressed flower from Obi Wan”, that’s a little too sappy. I’m going to go with this. There is a famous Mandalore version of The Art of War, and Satine has an uber-extremely-rare first edition copy given to her from her father, who was a master strategist and had the wealth and power to collect nice things like that. Satine may be a pacifist, but she has her family’s warrior’s spirit, and she enjoys adapting the book’s battle strategies to her own political fights and how she shapes her own life. It’s an actual old paper book, so she keeps it in a locked box under her bed and only ever reads it by candlelight with special gloves on to protect the pages.

(42) Hobbies: Like I said before, cleaning, writing poetry, the occasional cooking. Oh! Whenever she has Korkie over, she lets them pick the activity they do. This may or may not lead to Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore getting very invested in Space Mario Kart. She’s good at it too! So yes, gamer girl, and she also likes looking at art and she’s also also pretty good at dancing and yoga, which she does a bit of both for exercise. She also enjoys watching shows at the theater, but she’s weird in the way where she refuses to watch TV or movies because they’re “not as good”.

(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal: I’d say trust is the most important thing for her, given how many things go wrong in her life. Someone she can trust to be herself around instead of The Duchess and can both support her when she’s falling but also call her on her bullshit (or try to, anyway) when needed. Again, she likes nice things, so she tends to fall for super attractive people lol. Another thing is, she likes to feel safe. She goes for the protectors, those who fight for everyone and can come back and hold her tight in a hug if she feels like she’ll fall apart because she sometimes needs someone to protect her too. They also have to be as smart as she is (only smarter if they’re not a dick about it) so she can have intellectual conversations (indignant yelling matches), and she needs someone who can match the firecracker she can tend to be, someone who can jump right in after her. Not a weakling, basically xD

(48) How do they express love: She just says it (”I love you”), if they’ll let her. If they don’t let her or she can’t for some reason (*coughOBIcoughcough*), she becomes frustrated because she isn’t always the best, emotion-wise, and she worries she’ll make the wrong gesture or do something to mess up, so frustration can build towards the other person so she can also be very snappy at them. In general though, familial or romantic or platonic, it’s just lots of soft smiles that no one else sees, letting them see her in casual clothing, teasing them or telling jokes, trusting them enough to tell them about the confusion and stress inside her head.

OBI WAN

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Obi Wan is of the opinion that time enjoyed is never wasted, so he only views wasted time as exactly that: time that could be spent doing something but is instead being wasted not doing anything or doing something he doesn’t like. His favorite things to do when he has time to himself are read (he’s not picky, he’ll read most things with an interesting plot, though he does enjoy a good mystery or historical nonfiction), watch trashy tv shows (he’s only watching them to judge how bad they are, it’s Anakin’s fault, really, he watched them first, and Obi Wan just needs to know what happens next--), sketch random objects (he’s a pretty good artist, and it’s relaxing), do research on stuff because he is a NERD, go bug Anakin and/or Ahsoka because he honestly delights just sitting in their company and hear them talk about their day, drink with friends, spar (with Anakin, preferably, he’s the most of a challenge because he knows him so well, and he’s the only one who doesn’t hold back at all), sit in the Temple gardens and check on Qui Gon’s favorite flowers he planted there and bask in the serenity of it all.

(8) Indulgences: Ooooohhhh this is hard because Obi Wan is so Obi Wan about that sort of stuff, it can be difficult to read what he would do xD I’ll say he indulges in food? That while Jedi probs have a pretty strict health food diet, on the weekends or once a weekday he indulges in getting nice stuff for breakfast, ice cream for dessert, fried food at Dex’s because why not, it tastes good and Anakin did a good job today or he did a good job today and that deserves something, so oh well, he’ll just work out harder tomorrow. He’s also has some very nice old teas he saved from Qui Gon The Absolute Tea Snob he’ll have when he feels he needs it, and he’s got a cabinet with like four bottles of different really good, expensive alcohols that he’ll drink when he REALLY feels he needs it. I’ll also say this, boi is vain about his hair. Will never admit it in a million years, but he is, so he’s probs got at least some sort of haircare products that aren’t exactly necessary, ya know xD. He also does like his creature comforts when available, so I’d say he’s got a couple super fluffy blankets and maybe the thread count in his sheets are a bit higher than average cuz hey, soft things are nice. He also indulges in being lovey and mushy to the people he cares about

(12) Favorite book genre: Hey, I kinda talked about that! So yeah, I’d say he’ll probs try anything, but he likes mysteries and thrillers since with a book the Force can’t give you any Bad Feelings about anyone, so the surprises are genuine surprises. He also likes historical nonfiction because he is a NERD, but he’ll absolutely pick up whatever’s at the top of the Galactic Times Bestseller’s List if it’s there and give it a chance

(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies): His right hip acts up in the cold from an old slug wound there (Anakin does indeed tease him about being an old man), over half of his teeth are fake or replaced because come on, have y’all seen how often he’s been hit in the face? Scars literally everywhere because everyone and everything has tried to murder him at some point or another. I h/c him with ADD, depression, anxiety, and dyscalcula (he had to really work to be good with numbers) as well as PTSD because basically all of the Jedi do at some point (someone HELP THEM). He also has TMJ, which I also have and I project my issues. It gets worse when you’re stressed and grind teeth, so it’s valid. Idk whether it’s canon or fanon that he has some food allergies, but I am ALL FOR IT with him just... forgetting about them??? And then eating some food and be like “hwoops I’m dying lol” while Anakin is like seriously Master again? and legit ends up the Mom friend with a list of foods like “is there gonna be this food in it? Cuz he can’t eat it” and then he’ll eat it anyway cuz it looks good and Anakin is all “what do you have in your MOUTH” and he’ll be like “uh” and yeah, that sounds funny

(27) Biggest regret: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. ok so we all know how literally everything about Obi Wan’s life is a mcfreaking nightmare. We ALSO know he blames himself for literally everything. So yea, he’s got a looooot of regrets. I’d say his biggest though is not being a good enough Jedi (in his opinion) to save those he cared about (Qui, Satine, Anakin, Pads, the entire dang Jedi Order, etc.). Maybe just not a good enough person, in his eyes. If he hadn’t screwed up somehow, everyone would still be here and fine and omg someone help him

(31) Most prized possession: Luke Skywalker. Ok, not actually, but y’all can’t deny Luke was Obi Wan’s greatest treasure. I’d say actually tho it’s holos, of people he loves and cares about, in a kind of album he keeps to himself. He hates having his own picture taken, but he loves seeing the smiling, laughing faces of everyone he knows (and is reminded of them when they’re no longer here).

(33) Concept of home and family: He always feels like other people overcomplicate this. Home is where you feel safe to always return, where you belong, and family is those you love and wish to spend your life with. Now, the fact that he only really allows himself to acknowledge the Jedi as a whole as his family and doesn’t exactly allow himself to dwell on specifics like what Anakin means exactly to him, what Ahsoka means, what Qui Gon meant, because he does love everyone as a family, why does he have to define it? That’s a whole ‘nother basket of his issues lol

(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal: Obi Wan Kenobi has always been attracted to chaos and danger like a moth to a flame, so anyone he loves is gonna be a whirlwind of an individual. He likes someone who can challenge him, who can test him. He likes someone who’s loud and bright, the stars at the center of solar systems that everyone else can’t resist orbiting around and Obi Wan is no different. He likes snappy humor and the amusement he can get from playfully bugging them into hissing at him. They have to match him as a team, they have to be able to work with him (and he knows he’s not always the easiest to work with) and have his back. He likes passion, he likes dramatics, he likes the kind of strange ones that other people find a bit hard to get along with, but he couldn’t love them any different from themselves.

(48) How do they express love:

PADMÉ

(4) What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy: Assuming the people in the kitchen were not making food, Padmé would fix them with a firm Senatorial Scolding Face and ask them politely if they could move it somewhere else. She can easily outargue any protests; the kitchen is for cooking and she needs to make dinner! If ppl were making food in the kitchen, Pads would roll up her sleeves and ask what she could do to help so it would be done faster and she could get started. She grew up with her mother insisting her and Sola help out with all the household chores, kitchen duty included, so she’s a fine cook. Anakin learned to cook from his mother too, so sometimes their husband/wife bonding time will include just making dinner together and enjoying each others’ company. In an OT4 situation with Obes and Satine, Obi Wan is the only one out of the four of them who Cannot Cook and is legit banished from the kitchen except for making drinks/certain desserts, so it ends up with Anakin, Padmé, and Satine all talking and laughing while preparing food while Obi Wan pouts sits in the doorway and talks from there

(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu: Ok, so you know how I said Satine can sometimes get distracted by work and skip breakfast? Well Padmé is like that but worse. She gets so busy with duties, she just forgets to eat for very long periods of time, and then she’ll be doing something and be like “woah, I’m hungry, I don’t think I’ve eaten today,” and Sabé/Anakin/Bail/whoever she’s with will just be like padmé nO. When she does eat, however, she is one of those crazy people who Does Not Like Sweets. Like, at all, they just don’t agree with her. Anakin is scandalized. Satine is scandalized. Everyone is. She just doesn’t like them. She’ll eat fruit, but that’s as sweet as it gets. So when she does remember to eat, or if she’s going out for a dinner, it’s usually something pretty healthy-- though Pads will confess to a weakness for nice cheeses. There’s also this one really greasy bad fried chip thing that she’s got a secret weakness for. Padmé’s also not a huge alcohol person; like, she’ll drink when others do, she’s not a lightweight or anything, but she won’t seek it out herself, just, something about the taste, and she doesn’t like not being in control of her head.

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Honey, Padmé is from Naboo. The luxury planet. They know how to lazily waste time in style. She loves long baths and listening to classical music, walking in nature (she loves flowers), practicing new hair styles, facials and manicures. She also reads the gossip columns (no she doesn’t, you never heard that) because she needs the tea. She just do. She likes to read and study new languages (because she is Queen Overachiever) or just add to her bucket list of Ways To Improve The Galaxy. Padmé totally has a Space Pinterest. In reality, she trained herself from a young age how to relax so being a teenager in planetary politics didn’t literally kill her.

(12) Favorite book genre: ROMANCE! It’s canon that Pads is just such an ushy, gushy romantic of a person, so she likes stuff like Space Jane Austen and all the other romantic books. She refuses to associate with Anakin’s trashy dollar romances, she thinks they’re bad writing. He does not agree. He also called one of her faves boring once. They do not discuss books. But also Padmé likes political history and civilization books cuz politician, and she’s pretty into the mysteries like Obi Wan is. She likes religious texts too, learning about different ones, she finds it interesting. Reading can be hard for her because I h/c her as dyslexic, but she loves it too much.

(18) Favorite beverage: Spiced cider. She could get it homemade back on Naboo; cool and refreshing when iced but warm and tangy and perfect when heated.

(19) What do they think about before falling asleep at night: If Anakin’s not with her, she always thinks about him not being there. She can’t help it. If he is with her, she thinks about how much she loves him. She also tends to do a mental to do list every night of what she needed to do before bed and if she’s gonna allow herself to sleep now or not. She also has another mental to do list so she knows what she’s gonna do when she wakes up in the morning. With the damned war dragging on, more and more nights are spent going to bed troubled and worried for the future. She also daydreams, though, of what she can do after. Her happily ever after.

(28) Who is their best friend? Their worst enemy?: This is hard because Pads is so friendly with everyone!!! Queen’s Shadow really made me fall in love with Padmé and Sabé, but I’ll always be a sucker for the canon and fanon where Padmé’s best friend is Bail Organa. I’m sorry, but Bail is just a cinnamon roll of a human being, and he’s such a calm, levelheaded friend for Pads where she can be a bit overeager and chomping at the bit sometimes, but he’s also ALWAYS got her back and she can talk to him about stuff and ahhhhh and he literally raises her daughter as his own and gahhhhhh. Is it messed up if I almost want to say Padmé’s worst enemy is Anakin? I mean to be more general: her worst enemy is the Sith, as they destroyed the Republic and her entire life’s work and corrupted her husband and depending on if you believe the “draining life forces” theory (which I do) they killed her. But Anakin was the one who got past her defences, took her by surprise, and unknowingly ended up playing the most active role in her destruction, which is immensely tragic for both of them because all he ever wanted to do was love her (*crying*).

(33) Concept of home and family: For Padmé, home isn’t so much a place, but an idea of where you can feel closest and most at one with those you’ve decided to share your life with. Yeah, she’ll always love Naboo, but you saw how choked up she got in that TCW episode where Anakin called her Coruscant apartment “home”; for her, home is a state of mind. Family is a bit different; she’ll always have a bit of an idealization towards her own parents’ marriage and how she’s seen Sola’s, and how families developed from that. Canon shows she’s envious because she can’t have that, the 2.5 kids and a dog with a white picket fence outside and a large backyard mentality. She has issues over being separated from family; she had to drop the Naberrie name to go into politics, so I’m guessing there’s some distance felt there, and she can’t even publicly acknowledge her own husband as her husband, so she’ll cling to the idea of a “perfect” family as a someday, as a maybe, and working towards that someday and the long goal she can forget just how complicated and messy her real family-- her parents and sister, her husband, her husband’s new adoptive sister, her husband’s boyfriend, his weird side of the family --is. It’s even more pronounced when everything is falling apart in Revenge of the Sith and it’s obviously falling apart and Anakin is obviously Not Fine, she tries to retreat and take her comfort in “oh but when the baby comes and we can be a Family, things will all work out perfect! It’ll be okay!!!”

(34) Thoughts on privacy (are they a private person, or are they prone to TMI): Padmé is an extremely private person. She’s been in the public spotlight since she was thirteen years old. Everyone’s always staring at her, what she’s wearing, what her opinions are, how she acts, who she’s with. Padmé has nearly nothing she doesn’t have to share with the public eye, so what she does have to herself she tends to hoard and not show anyone except for those she implicitly trusts. Now, whether she’s any good at keeping secrets is a whole other story, but she certainly tries!!! xD

(39) What recharges them when they’re feeling drained: Anakin can make things better or worse for her depending on the mood he’s in and the mood she’s in, but he usually makes her feel better just by showing up and being a dork. She likes her greasy chip snacks and a good book, but she’s a sucker for a good spa day complete with fluffy, comfortable clothing. Also, Padmé loves cat naps, and is the queen of setting an alarm and taking short power naps that actually have her waking up refreshed.

(42) Hobbies: Is creating new outfit designs via Space Pinterest a hobby? Because Padmé does that. Padmé is also the type of person to have a Space Candy Crush problem, and I completely believe that Satine got her into Space Mario Kart (Satine’s actually pretty good at it and Pads isn’t good at it at all, so it’s in no way fair, but they have fun xD). Padmé loves creating flower arrangements too, just creating beautiful things makes her happy. She loves calling one of her handmaidens over and having martial arts practices because she needs to stay ready to defend herself, but also it’s just fun and she’s a good fighter. Padmé’s also into scrapbooking, she makes a bunch of adorable books she puts together, and she gave one to Anakin on their first anniversary and he cried (she hides them, don’t worry).

AHHHNAKIN...

(10) Neuroses: Hooo boy, there’s a lot! Okay, so Anakin is a very handsy person. When he’s nervous or uncomfortable or stressed, he’ll always need something to do with his hands, whether that be fiddling with his clothes, tugging at his hair, messing with the digits on his mechanohand, poking at the wall patterns or other objects. In general, he hates sitting still and has a tendency to fidget if he has to for too long. He will also either stare you directly in the eye or dislike making eye contact at all, depending on his mood. Fiddling with machine parts gives him something to focus his mind and his hands on, so that’s a real big help for him if they’re available, often times he just keeps scraps in his pockets for specifically this purpose. He’s sort of aware he does this, but he doesn’t like to think about it much because that would mean thinking why, and if you try and point any of them out to him he’ll get embarrassed and probs just snap at you.

(12) Favorite book genre: Anakin really isn’t much of a book person. It has to do with his focus issues (I h/c him as ADHD), they just aren’t really able to draw him in enough to keep his attention. It frustrates him because that’s another reason why ppl imply he isn’t smart, which is dumb, he can read just fine, he just doesn’t like to. He does like the trashy penny romances I mentioned before. What can he say? He’s a sucker for the drama and swooning and Epic Proclamations of Love. He’ll read books about the latest ships and speeder models too, because he’s interested in that. He’ll also read tactical strategy books too, because of the war and all. It’s just not his go-to form of entertainment.

(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies): Metal hand. Eye scar. At one point is one big giant asthmatic burn scar who’s like 80% robot. But we’ll focus on Anakin as of now. When he was a child, some brute in the market cracked him hard across the back with something heavy. It damaged his spine, and Shmi was terrified for a while he’d never walk. Thankfully, he recovered, but now his spine is funny as in it is super flexible. Like backbends where it looks like he’s snapped in half, that flexible. It gives him fantastic advantages in acrobatics and combat, but it also means he can do that creepy walk the girl from The Ring can do. He has managed to successfully scare the living piss out of Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka, Rex, and multiple others on different occasions by emerging from the shadows in the middle of the night doing the Ring walk. No one was pleased. Yoda thinks it’s hilarious though. Anakin gets hit in the face just as much Obi Wan does, so he also only has like less than half of his real teeth still in his mouth. Is also covered in various scars from people trying to kill him dead. In total, I project many mental illnesses onto him, so I say he has anxiety, ADHD, BPD, and PTSD. His super strongness in the Force means he is a complete lightweight, so alcohol is an uh oh for him; the only positive is that he never gets hangovers. It also means that Force sensitive objects may suddenly go flying at his head when he’s just trying to casually stroll through a creepy old temple. I also h/c that Anakin is allergic to tookas/lothcats. No other animals, just them. And it’s hilarious when on one occasion some kittens made their way into a briefing room and he just bursts into a sneezing fit, which, why are you all laughing at me? and then Rex points out the little kitten just perched on the top of his head. Poor baby actually does chafe pretty badly from sand too, so his hatred isn’t completely unwarranted.

(18) Favorite beverage: Coffee with a gazillion lumps of sugar in it, protein powder because he’s all about the grind, a hint of space chili pepper, and like a dozen other ingredients that should Not Go In Coffee (one of the ingredients Is Bugs). Obi Wan claims he tasted the concoction once and had hallucinations. Ahsoka says she saw a drop melt the edge of the tabletop. Padmé won’t go anywhere near it. Anakin says they’re all cowards; it’s the only thing that can get him up and focused in the morning.

(20) Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?: I h/c that amongst the slaves, Shmi was the local medicine woman. Therefore, Anakin as a child was constantly getting first exposure to all the local sicknesses and building up immunity, so besides one bout of food poisoning, he never got sick as a kid. Once he got to the Temple... well, he was past the age where all the other kids had gotten vaccinations, Obi Wan, bless him, hates dealing with medical and was distracted by everything else and kind of forgot to make sure Anakin was up to date with everything, so he caught EVERYTHING. EVERY LITTLE THING WOULD MAKE HIM SICK. HE HATED IT. OBI WAN HATED IT BECAUSE THE ONLY SICK PATIENT WORSE THAN ANAKIN IS HIMSELF. IT NEVER ENDS. ANAKIN IS TWENTY TWO YEARS OLD AND STILL CATCHING SHIT LIKE THE SPACE CHICKEN POX. THIS ISN’T FAIR.

(22) Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: Lots of writings of stuff like “Padmé Skywalker” or “Anakin Kenobi” cuz Ani is at heart a 12 year old girl. Ok ok ok, but actually, there would be lots of different stuff on the page. Mathematical calculations for ships and designs because he is a canon engineering nerd and I h/c he’s a whiz at math. Also little doodles. Anakin’s not a bad artist himself; his style is much more cartoonish than Obi Wan’s, but it means he can do cool little actions scenes of different ships or pods, him being a badass, Yoda getting attacked by space seagulls, etc. Maybe designs for another japoor carving (I h/c he keeps the hobby). Or, the page might be folded up as Anakin turned it into either a boat or a hat or an airplane that actually flies, or just a ball of paper he set on fire because he was bored.

(28) Who is their best friend? Their worst enemy?: OBI WAN KENOBI FOR BOTH OF THEM DAMMIT ANAKIN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. Alright, alright, in reality, his worst enemy is probably more of a combination of himself and his own fears, Sidious for being an evil, manipulative asshole, and society for creating his fears and traumatizing him (though mostly it’s himself because he absolutely had the choice to do the right thing, but he didn’t). Obi Wan is absolutely his best friend though. No competition.

(29) Reaction to extrapersonal disaster (eg Oh no, the house is on fire! What do we do?): For Anakin “I burned down the Republic because you left for an afternoon and I panicked” Skywalker? “Ok, no problem, I got this. I’ve got this. No, wait, I don’t got this. I defiNITELY DO NOT GOT THIS, I MADE IT WORSE, HOLY SHIT, NO ONE PANIC, I NEED AN ADULT-- (Ahsoka: You are an adult) --I NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT.”

(31) Most prized possession: His loved ones ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And we’ve got at least six movies and a tv show telling us exactly how that did Not Go Well For Anyone

(33) Concept of home and family: Hmmm. I’d say where he feels safe and comfortable. Again, it’s stated in the show he feels at home at Padmé’s, but honestly? He refuses to acknowledge Tatooine cuz ya know, the slavery, so he never really had a strong childhood home, and while I want to say he considered the Temple home at one point, , I’m not sure he does because I feel he’s always on red alert for things to get worse so he never really lets himself get comfortable anywhere-- not even Padmé’s. Family is a bit easier for him; a group of people who love each other-- and for Anakin, it doesn’t have to be blood relations but if you ARE related by blood, you’re a family member by default and he will be Very Offended by blood relations who cut away from their families because he feels if you’re connected like that, you should love each other.

#that took a WHILE but i had fun!#hope y’all agree or at least thought ‘hey that makes sense’#feel free to tell me your own!#one (1) hot mess #our only ho #queen of my heart #peace out #team hot mess #star-crossed lovers #when we were young #political wives #the big 4

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callioope · 5 years

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Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass).

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable.

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row!

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser?

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me.

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg.

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >)

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no.

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!

#tag meme #the latest with liz #annual good things post #happy thoughts #for future reference #goals

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sentinelstand · 7 years

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Okay.... so now that I've had sometime to recover and think (and write ngl) I have some thoughts. This is veryyyyyy long because I basically take it apart character by character so sorry about that.

- I love how Ezra's story in particular ended. There's a couple of nuances to this:

1. I love how they showcased him finally letting go of his parents and moving past the grief of his childhood. I'm glad he got to hear that they loved him one more time too.

2. I love his physical ending - his final lesson from Kanan being that sometimes in order to do the right thing that you have to do the thing that you necessarily don't want to do (in Kanan's case; die, and in Ezra's: leave his new family behind).

3. I'm glad that Ezra was the one to take down Thrawn. While Thrawn will always be Hera's villain, I do believe that he was the type who only someone of Ezra's strength would have been able to defeat. (On a side note, I'm glad that they didn't underestimate Thrawn's power as a villain but that they didn't overestimate him either by making him undefeatable - they struck the perfect balance between the two).

4. I'm delighted that Ezra's talent with connection helped so much here. It really highlighted what makes Ezra great as a Jedi - his ability to be empathetic and understanding - which helped to pay off in the long run as all of his allies (both animal and sentient) came to help him willingly.

5. More importantly, I'm glad that Ezra took the time to think his plan completely through. He had backups in place in case things went wrong which just serves to highlight just how much he has grown even in a season. He did improvise (with his parents), but he recognised the importance of careful planning here and took all the steps to inform the right people about the paths he was covering and ensure the safety of his friends, his family, and his planet.

6. The purgill. Enough said.

- I'm really happy with the development of Hera's story and journey, and all the little hints we got as to the progression of her future.

1. I'm delighted that the whole "I love you" Kanera thing has been cleared up. I do believe that it now meant to be taken as Hera beginning her whole "I'm pregnant" spiel that Kanan had obviously been waiting for some time but that they got interrupted by everything else. (On that note, Jacen was probably conceived between episodes 4 and 5 or episodes 5 and 6) (also, while it might not have been the creator's intentions for the scene to be interpreted as a pregnancy confession or even as Kanan already knowing, that's the way I'm going to take it because I feel it suits their pairing better and does them far more justice than what they actually got.)

2. I'm glad to see Hera let Ezra (and ultimately Sabine) take the lead on this mission because it highlights a lesson that Hera had been learning all mission (and a lesson Kanan had been trying to teach her) - the kids are grown up now, they're clever and they're smart and they'll be okay if you trust them to do this.

3. I am so sorry Hera by the injustice you were done by your child. That boy looks like a creepy elf - I am so sorry.

4. I have seen some people wonder about her wearing makeup which I genuinely think is just to show that Hera is truly free post-Endor.

- SABINE!!!!!

1. Sabine letting Ezra go because she knew that it was the right thing to do was very hard-hitting because it just showcases the amount of trust that exists between them now and them then.

2. Sabine taking care of Lothal for Ezra made me very happy.

3. Her painting made me cry like a little bitch.

4. Her hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. I had a feeling either Sabine or Hera would narrate the ending (either we were getting the ghost crew story being told to a child (I had begun to suspect Hera was pregnant when she touched her stomah when overhearing Ezra talk about the family) or Sabine would paint the picture for us as the artist) and I was so happy when they went with Sabine because she was the first one to describe them as a family all the way back in Spark of Rebellion so I'm glad it was her who closed the space family's story.

6. Ahsoka and Sabine going off to find Ezra made me weak ngl

- Zeb probably had more character development this last episode than he did in the entire of last season:

1. The whole jumping and attacking Rukh was A++++ Zeb content

2. I am slightly disappointed by the end of Zeb's story, mainly because while I think that the Kallus redemption arc was handled very well, this is still the man who murdered so many of Zeb's people but idk maybe that's just me.

3. Zeb and Melch omg

4. Zeb being a good older brother!!!!!! A+++++

5. I thought Zeb was dead when he was fighting Rukh on the electricity thingy; the amount I relief I felt when he survived was immense.

6. Zeb talking to Thrawn askfhjadhfladhfkhadf

- I love Chopper

1. He ultimately knowing about Ezra's plan all along made me so sad because he is such a loyal little droid

2. His little complaint to Sabine after he rebooted was so in character

3. Tricking the stormtrooper by pretending to fall had me in stitches

4. This season has really solidified Chopper as my fave droid of all time because while he is 99% murderbot he is also 1% loves his family

- Kanan:

1. I'm devastated that Kanan's lightsaber didn't get seen again but I'm sure it's intentional. If there's anything we've learnt from the past season is that nothing in Rebels is unintentional.

2. The thought that Kanan may have died knowing that the love of his life was pregnant with his child kills me.

3. I am disappointed by the lack of mentions of him but I suppose that the three previous episodes made up for it.

4. Was Thrawn meant to have Kanan's mask from Malachor? Like how did he know how that was relevant?

5. That child looks nothing like you soz m8

Other characters:

- The Clones!!!! In particular Gregor! There were so many references to TCW that it made my little heart sing. From the Wolfpack to Gregor's death moment - it was all so special to me. Also, Rex living past the Battle of Endor!!!!!

- The implication of Ahsoka returning when she did implies on some level that they both knew that Ezra would be going missing because of the whole "come find me thing" which makes me sad

- Is Jai dead? Mrs Sumar?

- Vizago and Hondo made me laugh

- I had gotten sick of the wolves so I'm glad that they weren't so involved in Family Reunion

- These episodes warmed me more to Kallus so I suppose that's good

Other thoughts:

- I kinda predicted that we would have a reunion between Ezra and his parents so I'm glad for it

- The character design for Jacen was so lazy I'm sorry. He could be anyone's child he literally looks nothing like either of them

- Does this mean that Thrawn and Ezra are on some crazy space adventure together or?????

- Also, I legit thought that Ezra was dead when Thrawn shot him I'm so glad it was on the shoulder

#swr spoilers #rebels spoilers #star wars rebels #star wars #rebels

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ambiguityisnoonesfriend · 7 years

Text

May the 4th 2018 Letter

Dear Yoda,

I am so excited! I love all the iterations of the characters and relationships I’ve requested, and can’t wait to see what you’ve created for me!

My likes: toppy women and partners who are turned on by toppy women, humor, angst, endings with hope intact, functional relationships, dysfunctional relationships, secret relationships that aren’t really a secret, canon divergence AUs such as what if they got there five minutes sooner, time loops, porn, gen, fluff, friends with benefits, friends with benefits with feelings, interactions with the other characters who would be around at the same time except as specified, mixing and matching prompts (ex: Leia and Hera both having different troubles raising Force-sensitive kids and complaining to each other, or Ahsoka/Sabine go on a double date with Ezra/Luke, or something completely different)

My specific art likes: two or three panel simple line comics, playing card or tarot card type imagery, setting a scene, magic and metaphor

My specific porn likes: failsex including interrupted during or instead of sex, cunnilingus, both slash and het anal (DNW femslash anal), light bondage, sex pollen, aliens make them do it, the Force makes them do it, mental connections during sex, mental connections as a substitute for sex, using the Force during sex including light Force choking, Force ghost sex, toys

My line for enjoying sex pollen/AMTDI/TFMTDI is based on how much trauma the characters feel -- I prefer situations where they aren’t traumatized or upset and use the aliens/Force/pollen as an excuse for what they both/all wanted.

I do not want: noncon (okay with dubcon and sex pollen), scat, watersports, omegaverse, unrequested ships except as listed elsewhere in my sign-up, non-canon AUs such as coffeeshops, DJ, Holdo, Lux

Rey/Kylo: I went into TLJ expecting to get nothing for this pairing except maybe one dream sequence. I came out loving them even more. I love this pairing for all the potential. They are opposites. They are exactly the same. Each is incredibly jealous of the other. They keep being drawn together like two ends of a stretched spring, and the only question is if they’ll fuck, fight to the death, or both. My fondest hope is both. I love all variations of dubcon for these two, from The Force Made Them Do It and Sex Pollen, to Forced To Work Together For Reasons. Force bond sex also very welcome!

Finn/Rey/Kylo: I see Rey as drawn to both of them in a classic triangle: Finn is the pull of the light, and Kylo is the allure of the dark, and Rey is fascinated by both. Maybe Finn is enough to bring both the Jedi to the light. Maybe Kylo seduces them both to the other side. Finn and Kylo carry a lot of baggage with each other. Do they set it aside at Rey’s request, or does it define how they both must deal with her and one another? Kylo defecting and having to be babysat by Rey and Finn! Rey is injured and Kylo and Finn have to have magic Force Sex to save her! Aliens make the three of them do it!

Leia & Ben: The pain and the angst and the love in this broken family is the gift that keeps on tearing my heart out and I love it. I love every piece of heartache, how they got there, what each one thought the other thought. Given all possible futures, what would the final fallout be between Leia and Kylo after TLJ?

Poe & Ben & Jacen: At some point, these three were dragged along to some Rebellion reunion where their parents had fun reminiscing about the old days and the kids were bored. Nothing starts out well when the first words you exchange with someone are "My mother said I have to be nice to you." Knowing that Ben grew up to be a human disaster, and Poe wasn't not a disaster, and Jacen is named after a different human disaster, all I am saying is that something got set on fire by the end of the party, certainly by accident, possibly by the Force. This or any other misadventure the three kids got into would be a wonder and a delight.

Kanan/Hera & Chopper, Hera & Chopper: It's strongly implied that Chopper was Hera's only friend before Kanan came along, and from the finale, it looks like he's the one friend who will never leave her. How did they grow together? How long did it take her to fix him up after she found him, and what kinds of trouble did the two of them get into along the way? What happened when she brought aboard an alcoholic drifter who is suddenly competing with Chopper for her attention? What did Kanan make of a foul-mouthed astromech who may or may not have tried to kill him a few times?

Luke/Leia: I was ready for this ship to be sunk in the movie. I was not expecting to walk out shipping it even harder. I want all the happy times before the family reveal. I want all the angsty history post-ROTJ. Luke Denying his feelings. Leia denying hers. The times denying those feelings failed. Maybe Han knows. Maybe Han joins in. Maybe he doesn't know and that's part of the angst. Pre-TFA snuggling. Post-TLJ Force Ghost snuggling. It's all good.

Ezra/Luke: I love the idea of Ezra and Luke meeting up after the original trilogy and finding someone who understands what it's like to be them. They've both been through things nobody else would understand. Maybe Luke is the one who ends up finding Ezra out in the UR, or Ezra finds his own way back and runs into / is drawn to Luke.

Ahsoka/Sabine, Ahsoka & Sabine: Space lesbians on a quest! Everyone knows the point of a quest story is the journey and the discovery of the characters' own true inner selves, right? I want to know about all their adventures together! Does Ahsoka teach Sabine more badass lightsaber moves? Do they pretend to be married on one planet for reasons? Does Sabine build an awesome Machine that causes them unforseen plot problems? Do they date each other? Do they date other women while being happy for each other? I am okay with any combination of this, and I am happy to see them as a couple, or as dating any other female characters or OFCs except not Sabine/Ursa or Sabine/Hera.

Leia & Hera & Sabine: Capers for the Rebellion! This mission happened. I don’t know if it happened before or after the Battle of Yavin, or even several years after Endor, but it happened. Maybe they have to rescue other team members. Maybe they have to go woo new allies, or pick up supplies from a picky source. Leia and Hera are going to disagree about who is in charge. Sabine’s loyalty on the topic may vary depending on who is annoying her more at that moment. Leia and Sabine may wind up with their very first hangovers, or at a later setting, maybe they’re remembering same. For background pairings, I’d prefer Leia with Han, Luke, or both, and Hera with Kanan. Sabine is my little black femslash dress; I don’t ship her with Hera or Ursa but anyone else is fair game.

Hevy & 99: I rewatched the Domino Squad arc recently and was overcome with clone feelings. It seems like Hevy had talked to and confided in 99 before. Did he see his brother as a mentor? 99 clearly held great affection for all the clones who passed through his life. In the microcosm of his friendship with Hevy, how did he see himself? You can bring in the other clones to the story, but I'd like the primary focus to be on these two. You could take this in a more romantic direction if you like, or keep it platonic and focus on the friendship they built.

Hera/Rex: I could see them forming a FWB arrangement sometime by Hoth. Hera doesn't want to get feelings involved ever again because she doesn't want another broken heart. That doesn't mean she won't get feelings anyway but they're not in her plan. Rex has admired her for years but there are chain of command issues, which could be why he's on the Endor strike team and not directly under her command circa RotJ. They both can have angst because of the dead guy in the room, real ghost or imagined. She can have angst out of wonder if this is the best thing for her heart or her child. He can have angst because he doesn't do relationships and his time is getting shorter by the minute and should he accept this little bit of happy? Maybe they end it after one time. Maybe they knock on each other's door every several months even after the war.

Rex & Luke: The moment Rex figures out who Luke is, he is going to be Luke's number one fountain of information on Anakin Skywalker. How do they both react? Luke kept the Vader thing secret for Leia's sake, but did he ever tell Rex?

Hera & Jacen: My one DNW with this relationship is no character death for either, otherwise I am here with the fluffiest of fluffy kid fics to the most heart-wrenching of angst. Hera playing with the new baby and feeling her heart lighten! Jacen's first flying lesson! Maybe he has the Force, maybe he doesn't, maybe he really does but Hera convinces Sabine and Zeb to lie with her and say he doesn't. Does she spend every day worrying at the going rate for the Black Sun's bounty on any known Force sensitive child? Does she tell him the Good Parts stories about the Ghost family in their heyday, and is he the one she was talking to in the trailer voice over? Does she have to keep his legion of uncles and aunts from spoiling him? Does she take him into space battles with her aboard the ship, knowing they could be blasted into dust? How does the conversation go with Cham when she tells him he's going to be a grandfather? Did he ever attend Jedi Death School and how did the two of them react when they found it how it ended?

Hera/Kanan: All of it and everything. Their first months working together. Missing scenes from the time of the show. That time they banged in Ezra's old comm tower while everyone else was busy during "Flight of the Defender." Those times they banged in the various rooms of the ship. Kanan figuring out this Force Ghost business after the fact the way Qui-Gon did, and hanging out to watch and guide. Were Zeb and Sabine their first attempt at building a crew, or were there others around before, and what happened? He's been smitten with her since the beginning, and she didn't say she loved him until the end, so how did they work around feelings, and not admitting to those feelings despite the fact that everyone around them knew? What was he about to tell her when Rukh attacked? Fix-its! Post-canon angst! Comedy capers where they're just hanging out having fun!

#may the 4th ex

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banesoka · 7 years

Text

Untitled Pirate AU Fanfic

Part One

Cad Bane leaned against the steering wheel of the ship, looking out to the calm blue sea. The wind pulled at the brim of his hat, the taste of salt and fresh air filling his lungs. His pirate ship, Sleight of Hand, was one of the fastest and most feared of the Caribbean seas. Two other ships in his fleet, Xanadu Blood and The Justifier, followed close by. He took quick glances back at the two other ships, as always admiring the beautiful woodwork along the bowstrips.

Sabine Wren, one of the youngest members of his crew but had lots of potential, walked up to him. She pulled back her hair, the ends crudely cut by her knife, lips chapped and eyes bright.

“Just finished checking the tackle, Captain.”

He nodded in reply, then pulled out his spyglass and looked out to the horizon. Only a few moments later he pulled it back.

“Port of Kiros is in sight at last.”

“Aye sir.” She beamed with excitement. They had been anticipating their attack on the Port for many weeks now. Kiros was known as one of the wealthiest nations, having profited off their numerous sugar plantations. The Port housed their largest plantation and housed the great Duchess Shaak Ti. Rumors had also circulated around the ports that a young princess had recently settled in to live on the island as well. Perfect place to raid. Plenty of loot and treasure was waiting for them and they itched to get their hands on it.

Bane handed Sabine his spyglass, much to her delight.

“Tell me what you see, Wren.”

She took it and peered through at the land not far off.

“Two cannon towers on either side of the bay. And two…no, three…three schooners.”

“This will be easy. We’ll wait until nightfall. Take them by surprise. Go tell the crew.”

“Aye sir!”

Meanwhile, at the Port Kiros plantation, Princess Ahsoka and her aunt Shaak Ti had just finished a luxurious dinner and were relaxing in the parlor. Ahsoka was looking out the window which provided a beautiful view of the city and the sea beyond. She could smell the salt from her and it made her think of the trip she took her from her old home, back from the old Kiros land where she had been born and raised the first sixteen years of her life. The plantation house was grand and beautiful and had everything a princess could ever want. In the past two weeks she had been given so much by her aunt.

But something was missing from it. Something nagged at the back of her mind like an itch she couldn’t scratch, no matter how she felt she should be happy here. She just could not figure out what she did not have.

A servant brought them fresh drinks on a silver tray. Aunt Shaak Ti quietly thanked them as they sipped their drinks.

“How have your lessons been going?” she asked her niece.

“I enjoy them. I had no idea there were so many things to read about.” She spent a few hours a day in the library, nose deep in a book, studying whatever topic her tutor had decided to teach for the day. She tended to enjoy studying navigation, mechanical philosophy, and astronomy the most.

“I figured you would. When you want more books let me know and I’ll have them brought here for you.” Shaak Ti smiled a little.

“You have already been more around than my mama and papa.” Ahsoka looked down at her drink. “Sorry…I shouldn't speak ill of the dead.”

“It's no problem at all, Ahsoka. I know how lonely you must get here sometimes. But I've arranged for your lessons in advanced fencing and swordsmanship, so that will keep you occupied.”

That made Ahsoka brighten up. She had been training in fencing for many years now and it was her favorite activity. Not only did it make long dull afternoons go by quickly but she loved the use of balance and coordination that came with it. Too bad her father had never approved of her handling a sword.

“Thank you Auntie. I have been ready for them for a while now.”

Shaak Ti began to speak as she usually did about how the sugar plantation was doing as well as politics that always seemed to drive her mad. And Ahsoka did as she always would and looked out the window again, letting the sea carry away her imagination, wondering what was out there. She had heard many stories spoken by the people of Port Kiros. Stories about mermaids that sang you to sleep while dragging you to the sandy floor. Of giant monsters that climbed down from the stormclouds. And of course of the terrible pirates roaming the waters, some that took no prisoners and would even eat sailors if given the chance.

When Shaak Ti finally left for the evening, Ahsoka did what she did almost every night and snuck out her window upstairs. In her big cumbersome pink princess dress, she climbed the trick and mortar to the top of the mansion. The fact that Togrutans were traditionally bare foot helped her greatly, and she had never liked shoes much anyway. As a child she climbed every tree she could find She climbed to her favorite spot. The highest spire with a single pole flying the Tano family crest. She let the cool night air blow between her head tails and under her skirt. She came up here every night to just think or not think and just read the stars.

After a while sitting there staring up at the stars Ahsoka thought something strange in the sea. It looked like a shadow. And it was growing closer. Growing up near the sea taught her that this meant a ship was approaching. She tried to tell herself is was just a merchant or a late night fisherman. But the ship was too big and she got a bad feeling about it.

Suddenly one of the ships shot a cannon at the tower, then another ship shit at one of the schooners.

She covered her mouth in horror and alarm.

“Pirates," she said to herself. She had read stories about them but had never seen any before. They terrified her.

She heard the bell in the tower begin clanging before another cannon took it out. She tried to climb as fast as she could back inside but moving fast caused her to loosed some of her concentration. She accidentally grabbed a loose bring and fell. But tonight she was lucky and slid against a cloth over hand and into a cart full of soft hay.

The screams of the townsfolk began to ring through the night. A few buildings were already in flames from the explosions. Ahsoka climbed out of the cart without a scratch on her. Her dress wasn't even ripped. She looked around as she straightened her tiara and found she was on the lower streets outside the castle walls. That meant she would have to walk all the way around the castle to get back in. Cannons continued firing and she saw fire begin to spread across the beach over the schooners. Soldiers were being killed left and right, their screams echoing. She saw the largest pirate ship, black as the night, land at the bay and pirates began heading for the beach in swarms.

There was no time to run around the castle and her elaborate dress would only draw their attention. She could only resort to hiding.

"Find the duchess and the princess!" she heard a voice shout. The accent sounded foreign but Ahsoka guessed maybe it was Duros mixed with something else. "Don't harm either of them. Kill everyone else." The Pirates laughed and stormed into the mansion. From Ahsoka's hiding place she could see them cut down the guards. One of their swords fell and landed right next to her.

She scooped it up. She couldn't stand to see people dying especially if it was to protect her. Anger in her stirred at the pirates’ cruelty, their bloodlust of killing innocent people without a care. And her anger drove her to pick up the sword and approach the man who had spoken. Her small Togrutan fangs began to glisten in the moonlight.

As she crept up behind him, she could only see him as only a shadow at first. He was leading his crew into the mansion to take all the loot they could carry and he stood at the top of the steps leading to the main entrance. His pirates hooted and hollered as they stormed inside. As Ahsoka got closer she could make out more of his features. A large wide brimmed hat, glowing Duros eyes, a scarred weathered face, a large leather coat, and bloodstained black boots.

She lashed at him with her sword trying to remember all her training at once.

He turned around and blocked her attack. He grinned wildly at her. "Well if it isn't the little princess."

"Leave this place and go far away!” she meant it to sound demanding and intimidating but it came out like a kid asking her parent for a cookie.

He laughed. "Cute little thing." He sliced at her dress, tearing part of the front off.

”I am the future queen of Kiros! You will not speak to me like that!”

"You're no queen anymore. Now you're the honored guest on Sleight of Hand." He parried her blow and struck her sword, twisting it out of her hand with a devilish grin.

Despite her efforts to hide her fear, Ahsoka’s chest heaved and her eyes got big. He was much taller than her and any second he could stab her or slice off her head. She looked around at all the dead scattered around the front of the mansion lying in pools of blood. Most were guards but there were also servants and their families and even a few other nobles who lived with them in the mansion. She knew all of them by name. They were more like family than her dead parents. With a deep breath Ahsoka looked back up at the Duros pirate.

"If I go with you…will you stop the killing?” she asked.

He didn’t move but his gaze was locked on her every move.

"I would consider it,” he finally answered.

"Fine then.” Ahsoka turned and tried to run. Maybe she could grab another weapon in time.

He ran after her and grabbed her by the back of her dress.

“Noble effort, little lady, but did you really think that would work?” He dragged her back to where two of his crew members stood by. "Bind her and take her to the ship, then make sure she doesn't escape.”

"Aye captain." One of them grabbed her arms and the other bound her wrists tightly.

"No!! Let me go!” Ahsoka struggled and kicked at them. One of them took a sharp kick to the groin and doubled over in pain. The other grabbed her ankles and began tying them together. The first one snarled at her and grabbed her chin.

"Feisty little brat aren't you? Well we'll fix that." He pulled out a boot polish rag and stuffed it in her mouth, then wrapped rope around her head forming a gag.

She slowly stopped fighting them realizing there was no point. Tears flooded her eyes as they carried her to the ship, past the burning town and the villagers who ran for safety before they were slaughtered. When she was on board another pirate who seemed to be the first mate took one look at her before saying, “Take her to the captain's quarters.”

#cad bane #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #shaak ti #embo #cadsoka #banesoka #star wars #tcw #sw fanfic #fanfiction #clone wars fanfic #pirate au

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bedlamsbard · 3 years

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I know rebels goes sideways but like is it at all worth it to watch season 4 or will I just hate myself

The first half of S4 (4.01-4.09) is mostly fine, if occasionally shaky -- it's a little hard for me to look back on objectively because when it initially aired, it aired in double-headers except for 4.09 (Rebel Assault was the only episode that aired alone), which meant the pacing was really messed up. Obviously that won't be an issue watching it now, but does affect how I look back at it!

4.01 and 4.02 are very solid Mandalore episodes, so are good to watch if you're a Sabine, Bo-Katan, or Mandalore fan (and give a little bit of background to The Mandalorian and we'll leave off my issues for how they intersect for now). 4.03 and 4.04 have some delightful team action and also Saw Gerrera, and what I think is actually the most romantic Kanan/Hera moment in the season. 4.05 is the return to Lothal and has everyone in undercover disguise, which is always fun. 4.06, Flight of the Defender, is what I always call the single perfect episode that S4 somehow produced, and honestly you probably could watch 4.06 without watching anything else in the season but it's also not uuuuhhhhh representative of the season. (It does introduce the true love of my fannish life, Loth-wolves, and I am cursed with the fact that Loth-wolves were introduced in a season I mostly can't rewatch.) 4.07 is...fine. It's not an episode I rewatch mostly because I know what comes next, but does have some beautiful imagery. 4.08 is also, like, just, fine, my issue with 4.08 is that it's a little heavy-handed and doesn't make our heroes look particularly competent. 4.09 is Rebel Assault and it's...not one I can be objective about. Like, it's fine, I guess, I don't rewatch it. (Also the front half of the season was the one where I was like "...am I supposed to dislike the Rebel Alliance? are you doing this on purpose? are you then not going to interrogate that at all?")

The back half of S4 I don't rewatch at all and I'm not capable of being objective about it. I don't think it's bad, necessarily (I do think the finale is bad but it obviously worked for a lot of people), it's just that it messed me up so badly at the time that I can't look back at it. There's good stuff in it (the World Between Worlds is the exact kind of nonsense I would normally be extremely into), but it's not something I can look back at. (When I say "can't" in this sense, it's because my past attempts to rewatch have dropped me into a several-days depressive spiral and that's not exactly the sort of thing I want to poke at to see if it still happens. I check details for fic with the sound off and one eye closed and not looking directly at the screen.)

But a lot of people really enjoy S4 and find that it worked very well for them. I have unusually strong feelings about it, which are connected to a lot of different things (including what was going on in my life in 2017-2018, when the season originally aired). I don't really understand why people like the season or the finale or the way that certain elements like Kanan's death or Ahsoka's return played out, but a lot of people do, and I suspect that people's either enjoyment of or dislike for the season depends heavily on who your favorite characters are and where you place your story/emotional/thematic weight for Rebels (on its own and/or compared to the rest of Star Wars), as well as all the individual elements that go into whether someone likes an episode/season/show.

but like S4 does have Loth-wolves, my true Star Wars love, so there's that.

#sexysideoftheforce #bedlam replies #bedlam watches rebels #I TRULY do not understand how people love this season but I know people do!#(also I don't care why they do: don't tell me if you're one of them)

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kanerallels · 3 years

Text

I'd Follow You To The Great Unknown

(for Kanera Week, based on the prompt "found family/believing")

Read on AO3 here!

@kaneraweek

Word Count: 3,299

Tags/Warnings: rated T for allusions to torture and serious injury

Summary: Nothing lasts forever. Kanan and Hera are made painfully aware of that after a slipup during a mission

Kanan had known this would happen someday. It had been inevitable from the start. Even the Spectre could only avoid the Empire for so long.

And he had, since he was twenty years old. For the past eight years, he’d fought against the Empire, side by side with the Rebel cell he’d helped to form-- Sabine Wren, Ahsoka Tano, Ryder Azadi. And eventually, Ezra Bridger and Hera Syndulla. They worked well together. Kanan couldn’t imagine working without them.

But then he’d gone on a mission. Just a routine op, nothing they hadn’t done a million times before. It was a milk run-- what was the worst that could happen?

Typically enough, the Empire had seemed to take that as a challenge. The literal worst possible thing had happened-- an Inquisitor had showed up. And Kanan had known, right then and there, that there was only one possible outcome. Ahsoka hadn’t been anywhere near them, and the Inquisitor had been heading straight for Ezra.

So Kanan had dropped his katana and called on the Force, throwing Ezra as far away from the Inquisitor as possible. And as the Inquisitor had turned towards him with devious delight in his eyes, Kanan had pulled out his lightsaber and ignited it, blue light blazing to life.

They’d gotten away by some miracle. Kanan had managed to hold back the Inquisitor long enough for Hera to bring the Ghost in and pick them up. And now they were on their way back, and Kanan knew what had to happen next.

“Kanan, what are we gonna do?”

Ezra’s question snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked at the kid, who’s eyes were wide with fear. “The Inquisitor-- he saw you. He saw your lightsaber.”

“I know, kid,” Kanan said, keeping his voice calm. And he felt calm, strangely enough. Maybe it was the total certainty he held in his heart about their next move. Putting a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, he told him, “It’s gonna be okay.”

Some of the fear faded from Ezra’s face, and he nodded. “But-- how?”

For the first time, Kanan found himself hesitating. He didn’t want to lie to Ezra about this. But he knew there was no way the boy would let him make the next move, not if he could help it. “We’ll talk when we get home,” he told Ezra. “For now, stay calm, and be ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“Whatever path is set before you.”

Frowning, Ezra started, “What does that--”

The intercom crackled, and Hera’s voice came over it. “We’re landing. Everyone off, fast.”

The crew piled off, Ezra in the lead. As Kanan headed off, Hera joined him. She caught his gaze, her eyes concerned. “Kanan--”

“We’ll talk when we get to Mace and Depa,” Kanan promised quietly. He started to move out of the ship, but Hera grabbed him by the arm.

“No,” she said flatly. “Now.”

Kriff. Kanan winced, but reluctantly stayed behind as the others filed off the ship. Once they were gone, he slowly turned to Hera, meeting her gaze.

“Kanan,” she said, her voice steady. “Tell me you’re not going to do what I think you’re going to do.”

Kanan met her gaze, feeling a stab of pain go through him. He thought about their engagement party, the moment when he’d first kissed her and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he loved her. “I’ll never lie to you,” he said.

“No.” Hera shook her head. “You can’t do this-- there are other ways.”

Resting his hands on her shoulders, Kanan just took her in for a moment. She was beautiful even in her anger, and incredibly strong, and he’d never stop wondering how he’d gotten so lucky. “We both know there’s not. Hera--”

“Don’t do this,” she said, her voice unsteady. “Don’t-- we need you, Kanan. I need you.”

“You’ll be fine without me,” Kanan said. “You’ve always been strong enough on your own.”

Stepping away from him, Hera shook her head. “That’s not the point, and you know it. Please, don’t--” she stopped, her voice breaking, and Kanan’s heart broke with it.

He moved forward and pulled her into his arms, and Hera went willingly, burying her face in his chest, her hands fisting in his shirt. “I can’t lose you,” she whispered, and Kanan felt her shudder.

“You won’t,” Kanan responded, stroking her back soothingly. “You’ll get me back. There’s no one else I’d trust to save me than this team. But I need you to stay strong for them, just for now.”

“It feels like I’ll break without you,” Hera choked out, a sob cracking her voice. “If you’re gone, everything’s going to fall apart.”

“It won’t. They have you, Ezra, and Ahsoka. Together, you’ll protect our family.” Kanan was silent for a moment, then said, “Please, Hera. I can’t do this if I don’t know that you’re safe.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t help, then,” Hera muttered. “To keep you safe.”

“We both know you’re not going to do that,” Kanan said. “This Rebellion has always been important to you, and you need to keep the beginnings of it safe. We both will be, just… in different places.”

Hera didn’t speak, simply clung to Kanan as she cried, and Kanan held her close, feeling tears prickle at his own eyes. But he couldn’t indulge them, not now.

Finally, Hera took a shaky breath. She pulled back, and Kanan was relieved to see determination and resolve glinting in her eyes. “I’ll keep them safe,” she told him. “And then I’m coming back for you.”

“I know,” Kanan said simply.

They made their way back into the Jedi residence, where the others were waiting. Depa was the first to see them, and her eyes narrowed as they approached. “What’s going on?” she demanded. “Ezra told us about the Inquisitor. What’s your plan?”

Kanan hesitated. This was the last news he wanted to bring them. He knew it was going to be hard on them, especially Ezra. But there was no getting away from it. “Everyone’s packing up and getting out of here,” he told them calmly. “We’re getting on the Ghost and heading for Alderaan. Hera’s ship can’t be tracked, so the Empire won’t know where you’re going. You’ll be able to slip out quickly and easily, as long as--”

“Wait, you?” Sabine broke in. “What do you mean? Aren’t you coming with us?”

Oh, Force. Kanan met Ezra’s eyes as he responded, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. “No. I’m not.”

Ezra’s eyes went wide, horror flashing through them. “No. Kanan, you can’t stay--”

“The Empire knows that it’s me they’re looking for,” Kanan said quietly. “I’m the only official Jedi here that has a blue lightsaber. Pryce will jump on this chance to get rid of one of us. If I cause enough of a ruckus when they come for me, it’ll cause the distraction you need to get out of here. And if I don’t go with you, the Empire won’t be so eager to follow.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Ezra protested, panic cracking his voice. “There’s no way I’m letting you go. Kanan, please--”

“Ezra,” Kanan cut in. “This is my choice. I need you with the others, to keep them safe.” Crossing the space between them, he rested a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. “I need you to do this for me.”

Jerking away, Ezra shook his head, angry tears glittering in his eyes. “NO. We can’t just leave you behind-- you can’t just give up!”

He started to back away, but Kanan caught hold of him, pulling him closer. Ezra started to struggle, but slumped against Kanan, weeping into his shirt. “Please don’t go. Please, Kanan.”

Taking a shaky breath, Kanan cleared his throat quickly. “I’m sorry, kid. I don’t want to leave you, trust me.”

“Then don’t,” Ezra whimpered. “You don’t have to leave us.”

Swallowing against the lump in his throat with difficulty, Kanan said, “What I have to do is keep you-- keep everyone safe.” Looking up at Mace, who stood nearby with an unreadable expression on his face, he added, “Sometimes, to protect the people you care about, you have to make sacrifices. This is one of those times.”

Mace’s expression softened slightly, and he nodded. “I’ll stay with you.”

“No,” Kanan said firmly. “You’ve suffered enough at the Empire’s hand, and I need you with everyone else. Besides, the Empire can’t get its hands on more Jedi.”

Reluctantly, Mace nodded as Ezra pulled away from Kanan. Looking at Kanan, he said, “We’re gonna get you back.”

“I expect you to,” Kanan responded, giving him a smile. “I’m proud of you, kid. Keep on fighting, and keep everyone safe for me.”

Looking at the others, he said, “I know you don’t like this. But it’s my choice, and it’s the best move to keep the Rebellion safe. So you need to go now.”

Ahsoka was the first one to move. Stepping forward, she put a hand on Kanan’s shoulder, her gaze compassionate. “May the Force be with you,” she said simply.

Kanan found himself smiling. “And with you,” he said.

Depa was next, and she gave him a soft smile. “I’m proud of you, apprentice,” she said softly. “If this is the path the Force has given you… I’ll admit, I’m hesitant to let you walk it. But I doubt this is the last time we’ll be together.”

“I agree,” Kanan said. “Keep the others safe.”

As Depa moved on, Sabine moved up to him, her expression tight. “I hate this,” she said, her voice flat.

“You’re not the only one,” Kanan admitted. “But this has to happen. Listen-- keep an eye on the others for me, okay? Look out for Ezra.”

Nodding, Sabine said, “Okay. Just-- we’re coming back for you, okay?”

“I’m counting on it,” Kanan said, giving her a grin.

His next goodbyes were to Grey, Styles and Stance, all of whom bid him good luck. Clasping Kanan’s shoulder, Grey said, “Take care of yourself, kid.”

“Take care of my master,” Kanan said, lifting an eyebrow. “And don’t call me kid.”

As Grey moved away from him to Depa’s side, Kanan faced Ezra. Squaring his shoulders, Ezra said, “I won’t say goodbye, because it’s not. We’re gonna come back for you. Just be careful, okay? Don’t make the Empire too mad.”

“Me? Never.” Kanan’s grin faded away, and he said, “I’m proud of you, Ezra.”

“Proud of you, too,” Ezra said, his voice wavering slightly. Taking a deep breath, he said, “May the Force be with you.”

Kanan felt tears in his eyes as he responded, his own voice miraculously steady. “And with you, apprentice.”

With that, Ezra headed onto the Ghost with the others, and Kanan only had two goodbyes left. Hera and Zeb were standing next to each other, and Kanan knew this was going to be hard. But he had to keep it together.

Stepping forward, he opened his mouth, but Zeb beat him to it. “I’m staying,” the Lasat said, his tone brooking no argument.

“What?” Kanan said. “Zeb, no. The only people the Empire hates more than Jedi--”

“Are aliens, especially the ones they’ve tried and failed to wipe out, yeah, I know,” Zeb said, waving a hand dismissively. “But they’ll be coming for you in force, and if you want a real distraction, you’ll need help. So I’m staying. Besides, I told Hera I’d keep an eye on you.”

“Oh, so you’re in on this?” Kanan said, lifting an eyebrow at Hera.

“Humor us, love,” Hera said, folding her arms. “This is hard enough as it is. I want someone with you to watch your back.”

Kanan sighed. “This-- you know what you’re about to walk into,” he told Zeb.

“Yep. So stop warning me about it and finish your goodbyes,” Zeb said. “I’m ready to knock together some Imperial heads.”

Somehow, Kanan felt a smile across his face, and he nodded. “Okay. Give me a minute, though.”

Zeb nodded, and moved just out of earshot, which Kanan appreciated. Turning to Hera, he just looked at her for a moment, drinking her in. “I’m going to miss you,” he said softly.

“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” Hesitating, Hera said, “What if this goes wrong? What if we can’t get back to you, or--”

“Hey.” Kanan moved closer to her, pulling her into a hug. “We’ll see each other again,” he said quietly. “I promise.”

“How can you be so sure?” Hera asked, her voice small.

“Well, there’s a certain question I haven’t actually asked you yet,” Kanan said, and felt Hera stiffen in surprise. “And there’s no way the Empire or Pryce or anyone else can keep me from getting back to you to ask it.”

Hera pulled back, gazing at his face. “I-- Kanan,” she whispered, her expression stunned.

“I won’t ask yet,” Kanan said, running a gentle thumb along her jawline. “But when you bring me home… no promises.” He paused, then added, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Hera said, and Kanan couldn’t resist bending down to steal one last kiss, his lips lingering on hers for only a moment.

But then he stepped back, and she was moving onto the Ghost, and then Hera Syndulla was gone. Kanan watched the ship start to rise in the air, then turned to Zeb. “Are you ready for this?”

“The real question is, is the Empire ready for this?” Zeb shot back, and Kanan couldn’t help but laugh.

He had no idea what would happen next. But he knew he’d have one of his best friends fighting with him, and the rest of his family was safe. Pulling the two pieces of his lightsaber from his belt, Kanan twisted them together. “Let’s go make a mess,” he said.

~ ~ ~

Six months later

Hera felt the Ghost humming underneath her as they made the jump to hyperspace, and she let out a sigh of relief.

It had been a long past six months. Shortly after Hera and the others had escaped from Lothal, thanks to Kanan’s sacrifice, it had been completely blockaded by the Empire, making it all but impossible to get in. They’d done anything they could to get news about Kanan and Zeb, although it had been scarce.

It had taken the Empire weeks to actually catch the two of them. They’d taken out the squad that came to arrest Kanan, and then gone on the run. But eventually, they’d been caught, and transported off of Lothal.

The last months had been long and hard, spent trying to find out where Kanan and Zeb had been taken, all the while working with the Rebellion. They’d found Zeb first-- the two of them had been separated. Zeb had been sent to a prison camp called Wobani. Once there, he’d promptly started a small rebellion with some of the prisoners, including a seventeen-year-old girl named Jyn, an ISB agent named Kallus, and a dark-haired man named Ferus Olin. Who happened to be a Jedi.

When Hera and the others had rescued Zeb and his new friends, they’d asked Ferus if he knew where Kanan might be held. The man’s face had gone dark as he said, “I can only think of one place-- Mustafar. But if your friend is on Mustafar, he’s as good as dead.”

“Not Kanan,” Ezra had told him. “He’s not going anywhere anytime soon. And if he does die, Hera and I will go to the afterlife to forcibly drag him back.”

Unfortunately, they soon discovered that Ferus’s theory had been right. Kanan had been imprisoned on Mustafar by the Inquisitors and the Emperor’s Hand.

So Hera had organized an assault on a stronghold full of Sith. And somehow, impossibly, they’d done it. They’d gotten in, and Ezra and the others had found Kanan and brought him home. And now, with the blue lights of hyperspace flickering through the front viewport, they’d escaped.

Getting up from her seat, Hera glanced at Chopper. “Keep an eye on things up here, Chop.”

Just go find him, Chopper said, and for once Hera didn’t stop to argue with her droid. Turning, she headed out of the cockpit and down towards the cargo bay, where the rescue team had entered the ship.

As she arrived on the balcony area above it, her gaze swept across those below her-- Grey and Depa, who were standing close together, holding hands. Mace, who was talking with Ferus, the scar across his eyes obvious in the light. Zeb, joking with Styles and Kallus, and nearby him Sabine and Ahsoka, standing with their arms crossed and their eyes fixed on the three men in the middle of the room.

Stance had been the team medic for a while now-- apparently he’d learned to take care of Kanan when he came back from one too many missions with injuries. Hence why he was currently arguing with Kanan as Ezra hovered near his master, clearly unwilling to let him get too far away.

“For kriff’s sake, Kanan, will you let me--”

“Not yet,” Kanan snapped, his voice vehement. “I need to talk to--”

“Kanan?” Hera said, and she wasn’t sure why her voice was so soft and shaken. Until Kanan looked up, and then she knew.

He looked terrible. Bruises darkened his skin, and blood stained his clothing here and there. It was clear he hadn’t bathed in a while, nor had he shaved-- his beard had grown considerably fuller and scruffier since she’d last seen him. His hair was long and loose-- but Hera wasn’t looking at any of that. Her gaze was fixed on the somewhat dirty bandage wrapped around his eyes.

She was down the ladder before she knew what was happening, and Kanan moved forward to meet her, his steps uncertain as Ezra gently pushed him in the right direction. His voice, on the other hand, was anything but, as he whispered, “Hera. You’re here.”

“I’m here,” Hera said, gently reaching up and touching his cheek. Kanan leaned into the touch, a half-smile twitching across his face.

“I know. The Empire could never trick me with you. I always knew when it was a fake.” He caught hold of her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and pressed a kiss against the back. “I’d know your voice anywhere.”

Hera felt tears prickling in her eyes. Keeping her voice steady, she asked, “What happened, love?”

“The Empire likes to make people vulnerable,” Kanan said matter of factly. “So they did that in the best ways they could think of. When none of them worked, they decided to try this.” A somewhat bitter smile twitched across his face. “So I guess I was wrong when I said I’d see you again.”

“You could always see me,” Hera told him, and pulled him into a hug. Kanan wrapped his arms around her, and Hera felt him take in a quick, shuddering breath. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she whispered.

“Me, too,” Kanan said, his voice shaking slightly.

He sounded fragile, off center, hurt, and Hera’s heart ached for him. For what he’d gone through. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to you sooner, love,” she murmured.

Moving hesitantly, Kanan lifted a hand to her face, and bent to press a kiss against her forehead. “It’s okay. I knew you would come, and you did. And I’m back with you again. That’s the important thing.”

Hera knew that wasn’t all, and she knew Kanan was still hurting, from both physical and mental wounds. But that could wait until another day. For now, what he needed was to rest and heal, with his family around him.

“Welcome home, Kanan,” she said.

A soft smile curled Kanan’s mouth. “Glad to be here, Captain Hera.”

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