#so he kinda killed all three of our desires to write or share our writing with him

[whxre-bxby]

Hi! I love your writing.

I can't get an idea/senario out of my head so if you have the time, could you please do a poly recom squad x recom reader where reader gets kidnapped by Jake and the metkayina clan as retaliation for the recoms kidnapping tuk, lo'ak and tsireya. Then they refuse to let reader go even after they got their kids back because jake want to know how they're alive and he kinda hurts/scares/threatens reader and then the recom squad come to rescue her. And when they're on base again they won't stop worrying about her and maybe some smut?

(Thank you for this idea! It had people waiting for this to release)

"Vengeance Turns To Desire"

Recoms (Quaritch/Lyle/Mansk/Lopez/Prager/Ja)x Recom Y/N

A/N: sorry for always eliminating our lady recoms. This is by far the longest fanfic I have ever written and I lost my mind while writing countless times. Eat it up.

Masterlist

Summary: Jake captures Y/N, inflicting pain on her to get answers. But the recoms refuse to leave her there so they go and rescue Y/N. Once back in safety, emotions and feelings spiral out of control.

WARNINGS: smut, ANGST, violence, blood, injuries, fluff, hurt/comfort, penetration, double-penetration, unprotected sex, voyeurism, smut with multiple people at once, blowjobs,

Word Count: 14,771 (50 pages, holy shit I know)

In the military, everything is ordered and organised. There is a structure in the daily tasks of an individual. A plan. And things are meant to go according to plan.

Today, things did not go according to plan. Everything is utter chaos. 

I’m Y/N. A recom soldier, with the sole life purpose of successfully completing my assigned mission along with the rest of my squad. That mission is to hunt down and kill Jake Sully, a man who once lived among us and who, a few years back, decided to switch sides. Now, Jake is a Na’vi in an Avatar body and no longer a human. 

We marines aren’t human anymore either. Our old bodies died and we are artificially made Avatars who have been given the deceased soldier’s memories. It’s why we exist.

Since we are the RDA’s front-line combat team, we were sent out into the world. To explore Pandora as fake natives and find Sully. Our mission status was progressing and reached a peak when we stumbled upon what we assumed were Jake’s kids in the forest. Unfortunately for us, we didn’t manage to keep them hostage for long. He and his partner attacked us, taking back their kids except for the human boy. The Colonel found him injured and on the ground. But he was alive, so the mission was called off for the day. At least we were able to bring back some source of information, even if not every soldier who left the RDA base returned home…

Time went by fast when one’s life is on the line. Things also got more challenging when we realised that our enemy left the shared biome we were in. So we had to continue our search and use other tactics to get information out of others. The recom team was running out of time, so violence became a favoured option. Morals were already long forgotten. It seemed as though it was either our life or theirs. 

We found Sully and his family near the coastlines of Pandora, cowering away in a clan of a different kind. The Na’vi that lived here were different. 

Jake introduced the RDA to the ocean Na’vi, which added them to the blacklist the RDA ran. He didn’t seem to know that he endangered all of them too. 

Very soon, our mission had no structure. We were acting on instincts and instincts alone because often, we couldn’t assume what was awaiting us. Pandora often fired many cruel surprises our way. 

In the end, one thing led to another and we were on a ship, fighting off the savage natives that had found us. Quaritch had three more kids that most likely belonged to Sully or at least someone close to him, handcuffed to a rail on deck. He seemed to like the hostage trick, probably hoping Sully would give up his life for theirs. 

That’s what is happening right now. I’m standing on deck, along with the Colonel, Lyle, Prager, Z-Dog, Mansk, Lopez and Ja. We are all that’s left of the Deja Blu team. 

I’m holding an assault rifle in my hands, keeping my eyes trained on the approaching Na’vi in the distance. No matter how unsure I feel about all of this, I have to stay composed and focused. I faintly hear the Colonel talking to Jake through the earpiece one of the kids had. He seems to be trying to lure him out on his own in exchange for the kids. Everything is finally seeming to go well. Jake is coming to us alone and for once, we are in control of the situation. Or at least that’s what we think. There’s a deadly silence on board the SeaDragon for a while. One which is abruptly ended when a Tulkun comes crashing out from the surface of the ocean, landing on the ship. The sudden action stuns everyone and causes all the Na’vi in the distance to take the opportunity of our vulnerability and attack. 

My heart is pounding in my chest when I fall to the ground and see the huge whale struggle on board. My instincts scream at me to attack it, so I do. Swiftly sitting up, I raise my arms and aim them at the gigantic creature. Without a second of hesitation, my fingers hold down the trigger and I’m firing at it, soon realising its skin is unpenetrable with bullets. That doesn’t stop me from trying to find a weak spot though. Chaos breaks out as I start hearing shouts and screams around me. The rest of the team is on the other side of the Tulkun, separating me from them. 

A sudden surge of panic flows through my body and my heartbeat picks up, but I continue to do what they are. Attacking the hostile animal.

But that doesn’t last very long. Its tail fin lifts into the air as it tries to move and slams down next to me, making me roll to the side to dodge it. I see it lift from the corner of my eye again before it collides with the deck once more, this time breaking the ground beneath me. In moments, I’m on my feet, trying to move away from the broken-off part of the ship but before I can even comprehend what happened, I’m thrown off board and into the water. The whale’s strong fin swung against my middle, effortlessly knocking me off my feet and causing me to be submerged in water. 

My weapon swung in a different direction and I can’t see it anymore. But that isn’t my main concern at the moment. I’m running out of air and my lungs are aching, forcing me to swim up to the surface to breathe. I feel weighed down and still in shock from what just happened, but I manage. 

My head breaks through the surface of the water and I gasp for air. A small sense of relief manages to prevent my heart from pounding through my skin and out of my chest. I swim in one spot for mere moments, thinking about how to get back on the ship. But in that same moment, I watch that option die out when something sharp closes around my calf and pulls me down into the ocean again. I can see how I’m being distanced from the surface and the light. A look of horror paints my face and helplessness makes me feel like I’m already drowning when I turn around to see a water Na’vi on some sea creature, pulling me after them. The animal whose head looks similar to that of a crocodile has its mouth clamped down around my leg. A small trail of blood, oozing from my injury with the speed that it’s swimming through the water. The Na’vi occasionally turns around and soon, I realise I’m surrounded by them. But they don’t let me go. The animal keeps its teeth sunk deep into the flesh of my calf. My vision starts to blur and grow darker because I’m running out of air again. But looking up, I realise how far away from the surface I am. I wouldn’t even be able to swim that in time. So naturally, everything starts to fade and I lose consciousness, assuming this is my death. 

Day One:

My ears are ringing and I hear faint, muffled voices as my eyes start to open. Finally, I’m met with light once again. My lungs are calmly inhaling and exhaling unlike before and I feel myself sitting on the ground. A ground which seems very unfamiliar to me.

In front of me, I watch as my awakening seems to stir restlessness and start a commotion. The figures which I now realise are Na’vi have all stood up and backed away from me. 

I groan in pain, pushing my back off the wall behind me. My hands want to come up and palm my forehead to ease me back into reality but they can’t. My movement has been restricted while I was out and only now can I feel the tight rope binding my wrists together. 

The voices are talking in a language I don’t understand. Must be Na’vi. My legs are outstretched before me and my eyes stop when I properly see my wound. It’s big. The bite marks are visible and my blood has stained my skin and soaked the unusually woven floor beneath me. 

Another figure walks in but my mind is too hazy after everything that has happened to properly pay attention to my surroundings. Tiredly, I let my head fall back against the woven wall, trying to focus on my breathing instead of the pain in my right leg. 

“See that Quaritch? That’s right. I got one of y’er soldiers.” I hear someone say in English. My weak body responds and my ears twitch forwards. I open my eyes, looking through the small strands of hair shielding my face to see…   Jake Sully. 

Suddenly, my body seems to properly jolt awake and my heartbeat picks up again, pumping adrenaline through my veins. Sully had captured me. 

I stare up at him in shock, finally having the strength to look around and take in my surroundings. His stare is hard and he seems to show me no mercy. 

I also notice he’s holding what looks like a camera in his hand and he’s pointing it at me. 

The Na’vi around me have stepped out of the camera’s frame while I was coming to my senses and now I can recognise his partner. I think her name is Neytiri. A harsh glare covers her expression.

“You know what I want.” Jake snarls, pressing the radio call button he has around his neck. He seems to be talking to Quaritch through the earpiece.

“Give me my goddamn kids otherwise I’ll kill ‘er.” Sully says and I can hear the desperation in his voice. The threat is loud and clear. 

I watch helplessly as he draws a knife from the holster around his torso and walks right up to me. Instinctively, I want to move away and I struggle against the ropes. My leg moves and I whine out in pain, clenching my teeth together to stay silent. It is best to stay silent in hostage situations. 

Jake crouches down next to me and points the camera at my trembling leg. 

“See? I ain’t joking.” he adds, gripping my ankle and lifting my leg. I gasp, sinking my own teeth into my bottom lip. Unfortunately, that doesn’t prevent the pained whimper from leaving my mouth. I don’t want them to know I was in pain. I don’t want to seem weak. 

He looks at me, taking note of my reaction before almost carelessly dropping my leg. I throw my head back and clench my eyes closed. My lips are pressed together, muffling my cry. 

Jake points the video camera at my face and I glance into the lens before looking away in shame. His hand comes up and he grips my jaw, tilting my head to the side to show a wound I had on my neck before doing the same on the other side. Quaritch must have said something that made Jake smirk.

“Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?” Sully adds, digging his fingers against my jaw and forcing me to look up at him. 

“I want all three of ‘em back by the end of today.” Jake snarls, roughly pushing my head away and letting go of me. 

I smirk. Even with all the pain and horror, I manage to be myself. 

Jake notices and continues to point the lens at me. 

“Damn, all three?” I ask, before nodding with a grin. I didn’t expect them to get away with our previous three hostages. 

Jake glares daggers at me. “Yeah, all three.” he snarls. “And I’m gettin’ ‘em all back too.” 

“That’s three lives vs. one. You kidding?” I ask, before coughing lightly. “Don’t do it.” My eyes meet the camera lens again. I was talking to Quaritch, or whoever was watching. 

I hear Jake growl before he adjusts his grip on his knife and presses it against my neck. It makes me shut up but I can’t loosen my facial muscles to stop my grin. The blade is pressing into my skin uncomfortably but not harshly enough to slice through my skin. 

Jake is staring into my eyes and I can tell he’s in deep thought. Nevertheless, he looks enraged. His ears are flattened all the way back and he bares his fangs when he speaks.

“She’s gonna die here, Quaritch. I’ll make sure to make it last as long as possible.” Jake hisses, keeping the knife firmly pressed against the side of my throat. His ears twitch forwards when he hears Quaritch respond. 

His eyes are focused on mine but he’s listening to what the Colonel is saying on the other line. Jake presses his lips together in a frown, harshly glaring at me one last time before nodding and pulling his hand away. 

I exhale deeply in relief. A breath I didn’t know I was holding. Blood lightly trickles down my neck. Jake must have broken through a layer of skin with his blade. The cut burns but it is bearable. 

Jake gets up from the ground, peering down at me before shutting off the video camera and turning away. 

“I want ‘em back by tonight. And if anythin’s happened to ‘em-” Jake pauses, wiping his hand over his face in stress. “I won’t hesitate to kill her.” 

Once again, he firmly nods before motioning something to Neytiri. She walks up to him and they both leave after she turns and looks at me once more. Disgust and hatred were emitted through her look. It’s very clear that I am not wanted here.

As they leave, I overhear them exchange a few words in Na’vi. 

“Should we get her ready for the exchange?” Neytiri asks. Jake looks at her with a pause before answering. 

“No.” he mumbles, and his answer surprises her. “We can use her against them.”

His partner looks at him with wide eyes and he shrugs. “She won’t leave here alive.”

His last sentence sounds like an order. One I cannot understand.

My sense of time is gone. I don’t know whether it’s still the same day or whether I had been out for multiple days. But it doesn’t seem to matter because I know no one will tell me anyway. What is confusing me is how the Colonel and my team managed to escape that hellish chaos alive and with the kids. But I have the rest of the day to think about that now. 

After a few hours, I notice it’s dark outside. There are two armed Na’vi outside the odd-looking hut I’m in, but nothing is happening. I haven’t seen Jake since the interaction we had earlier. But I felt like I was waiting for him to come and get me. From what I understood from the talk he had with Quaritch, Jake wanted to trade me against his kids. An offer which still seems stupid to me. 

We had already lost half our squad and Quaritch never seemed too moved by their death. So why would my life matter to him? I’m one person. An Avatar they can grow again if they deem it necessary. They have three hostages. Kids with information about everything we need to know. I think it’s clear that I’m not going back. But despite that, I stayed awake in hopes of Jake returning to bring me back to them. I want to go back. I don’t feel ready to die here. Not when we have so much to still see on this planet. Even though Pandora is our enemy, I’m amazed by the beauty of nature every time we go out. The power the forests hold. 

Day Two: 

Sunlight shines through my eyelids, making it impossible for me to continue sleeping. Wait-  I slept through the night. The night that I was meant to return home if the deal worked. 

My body jolts awake in panic and the sudden movements pain my leg, making me tense up and freeze. I look around me to find a once again empty room. Shit. I promised myself last night I wouldn’t sleep until I return to the RDA.

Hours went by and I was still left alone in the tent-like hut. Usually, when hearing waves softly crash and distant noises of animals and people, one would find the atmosphere quite relaxing. But the silence was almost eery to me. I was left alone with my thoughts and it made me sick. My body was sore from not being able to move and my calf muscle was throbbing with pain. The wound I had gotten was left untreated and I was being neglected. Not that I expected to be taken care of. I didn’t. But actually experiencing this is different to imagining how it would be. 

My thoughts wandered. Jake wasn’t back. Perhaps the trade hadn’t worked. Maybe the RDA refused to give up the kids. If that were true, it doesn’t surprise me. That’s probably why I’m still here. Quaritch must have chosen to keep them hostage over saving me. I felt miserable and abandoned but if I were in his place, I would have left me too. 

Perhaps the recoms took one look at my leg and decided I was basically already dead. A wounded soldier is useless in times of war. Why bother to help me?

Day Three: 

I barely slept. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn’t rest. My entire body ached from not moving. My shoulders were becoming agonisingly sore from my hands being tied behind my back and my leg had finally stopped bleeding but it was swollen. The bite marks were deep and my blood looked infected. 

A Na’vi came into my room. She was from the water clan but I didn’t mind because I saw she was holding water and food. The girl looked young too and somehow oddly familiar. As if I’ve seen her before. 

Of course, she wasn’t alone. A large Na’vi followed her, holding a spear. His face and chest had tribal tattoos and he stood by the doorway, watching over the girl. Most likely her father. 

More people walked in and I spotted Jake between them. He walked up to me and was hesitantly followed by a few kids. 

His eyes scanned me over before he nodded at the girl next to me. She put the small basket down and gave me water while Jake discussed something with the man watching over the girl. 

I gulped down everything in the bottle. Finally, my throat wasn’t as dry as before. 

“Recognise them?” Jake asked me, motioning to the children. The girl next to me stepped to the side and kept a ‘safe’ distance. 

I look at the kids one by one. I knew two of them were his because their skin was a darker blue than the rest. But in the end, he could have many kids we don’t know about. But yes, they do look familiar. Then again, I’m really not in the right state of mind right now to be thinking about things like that.

I stay silent and return my gaze to Jake.

He smirks. “These are the kids you took.”

My eyes widen a little more and I instantly start to examine them again. He got them back?

“They’re home and safe from you monsters.” 

My ears flatten back at his remark. He wasn’t wrong but I didn’t like hearing it. 

“What’s your name?” he asks, but I stay silent. He doesn’t need to know that. 

Jake scoffs at my reaction before kneeling down next to me and pulling my dog tag out from beneath my torn tank top. 

I watch him read my name before he diverts his eyes to look at me again. 

“I tricked your friends, Y/N.” Jake snarled at me malevolently. “I got what I wanted and I have you.” 

My heart sinks as I hear this information. 

“If they’re still alive, I can tell you right now, they’re sure as hell not coming to get you.”

I felt sick to my stomach. The feeling of helplessness when your world starts to suddenly completely fall apart makes me feel like I’m drowning. It really was all over now. I’m going to live as long as they feel like it. But this is where I will stay. 

The girl reappears next to me, holding fruit in her hands. She’s peeled it and is seeming to offer it to me but Jake doesn’t let her. 

“No food for her.” he tells the girl and it makes her stop her movements and retreat her hands. 

Jake glances at me one last time before turning to the other man. 

“We need to keep her weak.”

The man nods and soon, they’re all leaving me with an empty stomach again. 

Day Four:

My head is throbbing in pain. My vision is blurry and my body is numb. This is a different kind of torture that I am now realising I won’t last much longer in. 

I have started passing out every few hours from dehydration and lack of sleep. Hearing the water beneath the woven floor had me envisioning I was drowning in the ocean again. Hallucinations were not uncommon either. 

The guards at the entrance to the hut have turned around multiple times when I would gasp and scream. I once thought I was drowning and the other time I saw the recoms walk in and I genuinely thought it was all over. But they weren’t real. They faded away in seconds and I was alone again. 

Later that day, Jake came back along with the man he was talking to before. Neytiri and another woman from the water clan entered as well. 

My eyes widened when I saw an Avatar in human clothing walk in behind Jake. I thought it could be a recom but when I looked at his face, I realised I didn’t recognise him. 

About an hour earlier I had heard a helicopter outside but I wasn’t sure whether I had imagined it. Apparently not. The Avatar looked like he was from the science department. He had tech equipment with him and started setting it down on the ground.

They were talking between each other for a while and I stopped paying attention. My mind was too hazy from the pain to listen. 

But I came back to my senses a little more when Jake came up to me and started his questioning. He had the video camera with him again. Perhaps he wanted to show Quaritch my suffering.

“How are you alive again?”

“Did the RDA make you?”

“Why are you after my family?”

The questions overwhelmed me. I don’t know why he thought it was a good idea to interrogate me when I’m in such a bad state. But I couldn’t focus properly. 

That bothered Jake, so he used force like he knew we would too. I answered only when I really couldn’t bare the pain he was inflicting on me. 

In the end, I told them our mission and why we were alive. It’s not top-secret information anyway, it was pretty obvious really. We are out for blood because he betrayed us in our past lives. What does Jake not understand about that?

The session ended with tears staining my face and blood running out of my nose. My calf resumed its bleeding after Jake had purposefully irritated the deep wound to get answers out of me. The clan leader, his wife, and Neytiri didn’t look comfortable during the torture, but they showed me no mercy. I didn’t expect them to. 

It’s only natural for them to hate me for what I am and for what I was. 

Day Five: 

I don’t feel alive anymore. I had been given more water but my body was weak. Nothing feels real to me and I’m surprised I’m still hanging on. I don’t have much to live for, how come I’m still here?

But I realise something is off today. The village isn’t calm. There’s a loud commotion outside. Big splashes of water and occasional shouting. It keeps me awake. 

A little while later, a few Na’vi come into my tent but they pay me no attention. Usually, the people are wary of me but to these two, I don’t even exist. They seem to be in a hurry as they gather a few of their belongings. I watch them roll up mats and grab a few things before jogging back outside. Were they going somewhere?

This continued for what felt like a few hours until I noticed the noise slowly start to die down. The noises of animals gathering at the shore were heard. After a while, there was no noise anymore. I was left in complete silence. 

Hours went by and there was just… nothing.

I thought that perhaps I was hallucinating about being alone. Or maybe I was dead and this is what I get after life. Neverending, loud silence. 

I feel disconnected from the world. Like I can’t keep up because I don’t know what is happening. I can’t move and I feel so utterly helpless it breaks me. I feel disconnected from life.

I start grieving for myself. Remembering the gift of freedom I had before. Before I was restricted of almost all my movement. 

I’m able to see the sun slowly set outside. My cramped-up body is slowly losing its power as the daylight outside dims. Everything hurts. My mouth is dry, my leg is putting me in agony and my breathing becomes heavy. As if there were a weight on my chest. My neck hurts from not being able to rest, my back hurts from not being able to stretch or readjust its posture and I can’t feel my tail. It’s all too much and my vision starts to black out once more. My completely numb body falls to the side and I lose consciousness.

The village has been abandoned by the clan. And they have left you alone with it. All huts are empty and there is no movement except for the small waves washing up on the coast. 

To them, you were not worthy of life. You knew that but having to bare their treatment was worse. 

Why they left, you do not know. But you’re too weak to worry about it. Your body is trying its best to keep you alive for as long as possible, but it is not doing well. You have not been nourishing it as well as you usually do and the sudden change has weakened your immune system. Your mentality and emotional strength are equally at a low because abandonment is not easy to deal with. There seems to be nothing keeping you in this world any longer. Quite frankly, you’re not sure whether those who you wish to see once more are even still breathing. Sully mentioned they had been tricked and could be dead. Perhaps you should join them, to escape this dreadful reality you’re stuck in. 

What you do not know, is that the clan and the Sully’s fled for a reason. This whole time they had been documenting your suffering and sending it to the RDA, in hopes of being able to form some type of peace treaty. But seeing your treatment had the surviving recoms feeling furious. 

The ambush Jake had set up on them to get the kids back had been seriously dangerous. Zdinarsk took a bad hit and in the end, the squad had to leave her lifeless body behind, as they had done with the others. 

Everyone else survived. 

When the recoms lost you on deck, many thought you were dead. It pained them because, to them, you were the brightest of them all. You of course never knew this, but you managed to keep the team’s spirit uplifted at all times. As humans, they had always had a special connection with you. A few new soldiers joined the recoms but the soldiers that were alive now you knew for a longer time. The Colonel included. You’re their youngest team member and they have always been protective of you. To the recoms, they wouldn’t be a team without you. You had brought them together. In the beginning, you were all strangers. You only knew Lyle from boot camp. And gradually, you unintentionally helped bring everyone closer. It was who you were and they admired you for it.

Seeing that you were alive gave them a huge relief but when they realised what hands you had landed in, it horrified them. 

Quaritch was ready to fully arm his team and walk out to find you the second his interaction with Sully ended. 

Ardmore prevented that from happening and Quaritch knew he had to listen to her. Instead, they prepared for the handover. Secretly of course, because the General would not agree to trade 3 hostages with valuable information against one wounded soldier. 

They saw you in trouble so instantly, their mission objective changed. Screw Sully, he can wait. They had to get you back. 

The full five days were spent planning what to do because the recoms panicked when they realised they weren’t getting you back from Jake. He had set up a trap for them which they fell into, due to their tunnel vision for you. 

Now, they didn’t have a plan but they have vengeance, rage and fury. Enough of it to pump adrenaline through their bodies and make them dare to walk all the way to find you. 

I didn’t plan on waking up again but hey, that’s not something I can control right? My eyes squint in irritation as my pupils are strained, trying to adapt to the sudden change of lighting. Light? It was meant to be dark. The sun had just set. 

Confusion once again revives my body and I properly look around. My weak body lays on its side but my head manages to lift up. Why the hell is it so goddamn bright when the sky outside is dark?

A strong smell fills my nostrils, making me scrunch up my sensitive nose. 

Smoke. 

I’m inhaling smoke. One breath after the other it starts to cloud the hut I’m in, but I can’t move. My ears twitch and I hear something cracking to my left. Like wood breaking and falling. My eyes turn to look where the noise came from and I see the hole that has formed in the wall of the woven tent I’m in. It’s growing bigger and the floor is slowly breaking away. Outlining it are small flames, keeping the dry fabric ignited. 

Fire. 

The village is burning. And I’m in it. Why and how it’s burning I don’t know but the smoke is clouding my vision and filling my lungs, making me think this has to be my end. In complete defeat, I drop my head again, hoping to evade the polluting grey cloud but it doesn’t help. The need to cough clogs my throat but I’m too weak to inhale a big enough breath to be able to cough. So I just resume my position, waiting for everything to end. 

You don’t move. You can’t. You’re wrists are still tied behind your back and your leg is still injured. There is no escape for you. You’re just hoping the smoke will finish you off before the flames reach you. 

Outside your hut, loud shouts of orders are to be heard. But your ears do not pick up on them. 

The fire has been set purposefully out of spite for what had been done to you. But the ones responsible for it, do not know you are still there. Once things started burning, orders were given to search the huts for anything and anyone. Best case scenario: you. 

The smoke had knocked you out again because you weren’t receiving enough air. Time is running out fast. 

Hut after hut, the recombinants find nothing, quickly running to the next one before the fire reaches it. The one you are in is on the far end of the village, so as not to inconvenience the previous inhabitants. You were a threat and they didn’t want you in the centre of it all. After all, you might bring them bad luck. 

Everyone was busy, desperately hoping to find you but also dreading to find you in flames and blood. 

Just before your roof was going to collapse on you, one soldier was fortunate enough to run past your hut and glance inside. 

Lopez’s bare feet skidded over the woven fabric that the village was built with. It was dry and able to burn fast, so they all had to hurry. 

He’s running from house to house, looking inside only to find abandoned objects and some furniture. His hope is slowly dying out as he starts to reach the edge of the coastal village. Lopez’s heart is beating fast and he feels dread weigh down his heart. What if they are too late? He should have paid attention to where you were on the ship. Not let you out of his sight. Then this would have never happened. 

He’s starting to panic again, just like when he saw you crying on the screen. 

Finally, he reached your hut. It looked just like any other hut and when he glanced inside all he saw was smoke. It was close to collapsing in on itself and Lopez was about to go and run to the next one when he saw a faint figure on the ground. It made him stop dead in his tracks and a soft breeze managed to clear the smoke from his view for a few seconds. 

There you were. 

Lying motionless on the ground.

His heart sank and everything seemed to stop for a few seconds before he was brought back to reality by the flames nearing you and the cracking of the roof above you. Without spending another second thinking, Lopez hurled his body forward, running straight up to you. He held his breath, examining you with wide eyes while his hands moved you around to see if you were alive. You gave him no reaction. He was ready to scoop you up but he quickly realised you were tied to a post which was attached to the burning wall. 

Such cruel handling to such a beautiful soul, he thought. 

He was quick to try and rip the rope but it wasn’t working. Lopez cursed himself for losing his dagger. 

Luckily, Lyle, who was also searching houses, saw Lopez run into the smoke. He hasn’t seen him come out. It meant that either he had to go help his fellow soldier in case something had happened or perhaps, Lopez had found something. 

Lyle reached the entrance of the hut, seeing nothing but a hunched-over figure. Recognising it as Lopez, he quickly entered and equally held his breath in the smoke. Both their ears were pinned back in tension and once Lyle saw you on the ground, he fell to his knees in an attempt to help you. He saw Lopez fighting the coarse rope and swiftly reached for his dagger, slicing through it to finally free you. No words were spoken, they knew what to do. 

Without hesitation, Lopez quickly slid an arm behind your back and one under the legs, lifting you into the air as he got up. Lyle quickly lead the way, flinching when he saw the roof start to break. Both men are desperate to help you out of here so they run, with you in Lopez’s arms. Finally exiting the hut, they can breathe again but they don’t stop. Just as they start to return, the entire hut collapses in on itself. They found you just in time.

All other soldiers have been ordered to get off the burning ground and back onto the sand. They were gathered on the beach and the Colonel was looking for Lopez and Lyle. A soldier called out that he spotted them and the whole team turned to see them running with a body in one’s hands. 

Immediately, all senses and attention were spiked. Was it you?

Lyle called out that they had you and a few soldiers dropped their things to go and help them where as the Colonel stayed put. The news overwhelmed him with the long-needed feeling of relief and he just stared at them, watching his highly trained marines carefully transport you to them. But there was one problem. You weren’t awake…

My head buzzed in pain from a mild headache I was getting while resting. But suddenly, as my senses return to me, everything feels different. I’m blinded by a bright white light as I once again, open my eyes. Am I dead?

I squint and the white light is above me. Yep, I’m dead. Heaven or hell, who cares. I’m not where I was and that’s all that really matters to me right now. 

Ready to close my eyes again, my other senses heightened. With my vision gone, I can focus on my hearing and smell. I smell disinfectant and hear a constant beeping which is probably what is giving me my headache. It’s coming from behind me and I open my eyes, wanting to hit whatever it was. 

Suddenly, the light is no longer blinding me and I recognise what looks to be a heart monitor. 

A gasp is emitted on my right and I flinch, looking at the figure with half-lidded and tired eyes. 

“Y/N! You’re awake!” The voice shouts in excitement. I recognise Prager and my eyes start to tear up. 

I still had no idea what was happening but I was so happy to not be alone anymore. 

Prager is barely sitting on his chair now that he seems to have placed next to my bed. He’s too happy for that. Next to him, Mansk is slowly lifting his head from his palm. The sudden commotion must have woken him up. 

He looks at Prager who is holding my hand and when he notices I’m awake, his eyes widen in surprise. It starts to load into Mansk’s head that I’m alive and he sits up, leaning over me. 

I’m very overwhelmed with everything around me. 

“You’re dead too?” I mumble, suddenly coughing a little. A smoky aftertaste is left lingering on my tongue. 

Prager tilts his head in confusion. 

“Y/N, you’re alive.” he says, smiling again. 

I shake my head. “No-” I say, pointing to me. “I’m dead.”

Prager chuckles at your existential confusion. He’s too overjoyed that your back he gets up and runs to the door. 

“Colonel, Y/N’s awake!” he shouts through the hallway, standing in the frame of the door. 

Mansk scoots closer, seeming to be in disbelief that I’m alive. He’s examining me, making sure I’m okay while now also comfortingly holding my hand. 

(click here to see a picture I drew of this scene)

Only now do I realise where I am. I’m laying in a hospital bed in what looks like it could be the RDA’s medical centre. The recoms have their own hospital because the bodies are different. 

There is in fact a heart monitor next to me and I have cannula tubes inserted into my lower arm and hand which are connected to an IV drip bag. It’s clear and filled with a saline solution. Probably best to cure my dehydration. I can feel a bandage around my calf. Finally, the wound must have been taken care of. 

“How are you feeling?” Mansk asks. His ears are perked forward, giving me all his attention. 

I slowly tilt my head back to face him. 

“Like shit.” I mutter, raising my hand impaled by small, clear tubes and my bandaged leg to emphasize my point. He drops his head and smiles. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” he replies. But his smile is comforting. He seems to know that I must be doing better if I can curse and joke around. 

Prager steps back into the room, allowing the Colonel to come in. Quaritch was out of breath when he walked in, his eyes never leaving me. He came to a stop in front of my bed. Behind him, the rest of the remaining team came in. Lyle, Lopez, and Ja stood behind their superior and their wide eyes watched our interaction. 

“Y/N…” Quaritch breathes out as I look up to meet his gaze. He seemed relieved but his eyes showed me he was tormented with guilt. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Why was he sorry?

“Sorry? Why?”

Quaritch looks disappointed in himself, and his eyes flicker down and away from mine to stare at the pale covers of the bed. 

“I should have been watching out for you. It’s my fault.” 

My ears droop at the news. Sure, he was our Colonel and was in charge of us all, but it’s not his fault. 

“Don’t say that.” I reply, not wanting him to feel let down by himself. “It’s not true.” 

Your words are spoken softly as if you are trying to comfort him. He notices your tone, once again being reminded why you’re so special to him and the team. Helping others even at your worst. A great quality which will never cease to amaze him. 

“We thought we lost you.” His saddened eyes meet mine again.

I smile, appreciating him showing me his caring side. Something Quaritch never did. 

“Don’t get me emotional here, Colonel.” I chuckle before abruptly coughing again. “I don’t have enough water in my body to cry.” 

A grin forms on my lips and my joking attitude makes him lightly chuckle. The others smile. 

They spend the next few hours with you, talking to you about things and letting you get everything off your chest. You told them what happened from the very beginning to the very end. It made them furious but at least you were safe now. While listening, Quaritch had his ears pinned back and was gritting his teeth. Mansk couldn’t keep his leg still and was tensely cracking his knuckles and pressing his fingers into fists. Everyone was on edge when you described what Jake had done to you. They wanted to go and end him even more now but no one would risk the same thing happening again. 

For the next few days, you were getting their full-time princess treatment. Obviously, they still had to work. This wasn’t some perfect fantasy where they would spend all their time with you and watch movies. It didn’t work that way. The RDA had to keep running and they were needed. But you were not forgotten. 

They would each stop by every day, taking turns to make sure you were alright. While you still felt very weak, your body started healing and your strength was slowly returning. It was a miracle. One you would have never imagined could happen. Not after you thought you were going to die multiple times. Not even after you were ready to face death the last time. This job, or this life, was not for the weak. 

Soon enough, I was slowly returning to my normal self. The doctors let me go after a week but I was still not allowed to participate in extremely physical activities like working out. Typical things for Marines. I just hope that I won’t forget how to do things once I’m really back. 

One might think that moving around the facility during the day was the toughest part for me. Well, that’s not true. It was a struggle but what I was really battling with were the nights. Whenever I close my eyes, my mind starts remembering and picturing everything that has happened to me over the past few days. Sleeping in the hospital was dreadful. I think that’s why they let me out early. So that I could properly rest again. 

With half of the original recom team gone, the dorms which we slept in were reduced in size. We were transferred to a shared room for the seven of us. The Colonel included. His private room was going to be used for something else. There would have been lots of complaining from his side if it weren’t for my sleep paranoia. I was going to share a room with them from now on and it relieved me. It meant that I wouldn’t have to sit through the night alone anymore and stare into the dark. I could perhaps even sleep peacefully. 

The days went by quickly for me because I wasn’t assigned any tasks. I feel like I’m just wasting my time but Quaritch tells me it’s a part of the healing process. 

The lights were shut off again and the room went dark. Normally, my heart would start racing but I could hear the soft breathing of Lyle behind me and Mansk on my left. We had our own beds, but even they were pretty close together. The Colonel slept across the room from me. 

Surprisingly, I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly. Sleeping in one room with 6 fully grown marine men on your side is a pretty comforting thought for me. I knew them well and trusted each of them. 

But once asleep, it didn’t take long for the traumatising memories to return. I dreamt that I was tied down again, stuck in the hut full of smoke. I could remember the exact pain in every area of my body and the aftertaste of the smoke in my lungs. But this time, nobody was there to get me out. The fire neared me rapidly and soon, the flames engulfed me. Out of fear, I woke up.

Quickly, I sat up from my previous laying position, breathing heavily as if I had been running. A sweat droplet ran down my forehead while my wide eyes saw that I wasn’t back there, but still safe in our room. 

I heard a bed creak next to me and turned around, flinching away when I saw a figure sitting on the bed. 

“Y/N, it’s okay. It’s me.” I hear Lyle say. My eyes close and I let out a relieved sigh. 

“Sorry for waking you.” I whisper, flattening my ears back. 

“Don’t be, I wanna help.” He softly replies, walking to the edge of my bed. I look up at him and even in the dark, I can see his smile. Our new eyes really were something. 

“Scoot over.” he whispers, gently taking hold of my blanket and lifting a corner. We knew each other well enough to know our boundaries. This was completely fine. 

“The bed’s small. You won’t sleep well.” I warn him, still listening to what he said. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” he mumbles, slowly getting under the covers with me. “Just want you to feel better.”

I smile at him, before laying my head back against the pillow. “Thanks.” 

Lyle loosely drapes his arm around my waist, pulling himself closer to me so that he won’t fall off the edge of the mattress. His hand feels the bare skin of my hip and he stops. His eyebrows furrow and he lets me go, using the same hand to lift the blanket. 

“What are you even wearin’?” he asks. I groan against the pillow. I had sleep shorts and a comfortable sleep top on. It looked like a sports bra but it was actually cozy. 

“It’s warm. And this is comfortable.” I mumble, not bothering to open my eyes. 

“It’s cold.” Lyle corrects me, placing his arm back over me and pressing himself against my back. “But you’re warm.”

“Hot.” I smirk, nudging his foot with mine before closing my eyes again. He chuckles lightly and we go silent in an attempt to sleep again. 

Unfortunately, that attempt turns out to be miserable because Lyle won’t stop moving around. His body twitches and he keeps readjusting his position. 

Then the inevitable happens. I feel something semi-hard against my ass. With the dirty mind Lyle taught me to have, my eyes shoot open and I hold my breath for a second. To see if it really is what I think it is, I push back against it. 

Lyle sharply inhales a breath and I huff out a sigh. 

“You’re kidding.” I whisper to him unimpressed, turning my head to look at him from the corner of my eye. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-” he stutters, withdrawing his arm from me again. 

“This is your help? Getting all worked up?” I ask with a chuckle and the intention to make fun of him so that he would joke back. It surprised me that he was getting hard around me. I never knew he thought of me in that way. 

He doesn’t respond so I fully turn around to face him. Lyle's ears are flattened back and he looks not just embarrassed but regretful and ashamed. 

“Lyle, I’m joking.” I say, noticing his expression. 

“I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.” he whispers to me. Lyle glances to his bed and I notice that he’s thinking about getting up. 

“Don’t you dare. I was comfortable.” I whisper-shout at him. He turns his head back to me, watching my moves to understand my reaction. 

I turn around and lay back down, in an attempt to show him I wasn’t weirded out. The situation has my heart beating faster in my chest. Probably in excitement. I don’t think my steps through. All I know is that I felt comfortable and safe with him and I wanted to return to the position we were just in. 

I lay still but my eyes are open and I wait for him to lay down again. Luckily, Lyle gives in and lowers himself back down. His chest presses up against my back once more and he keeps his arm on his side. He seems unsure whether to put it back so I gently reach behind me and pull it over my waist again, hugging his forearm against my chest. 

Within seconds, I feel his tense body melt against me and I’m comfortable again. He hums behind my head and I close my eyes.

But now I can’t stop thinking about what could happen. I know Lyle still has his problem but he’s stuck here with me and can’t really sort it out. In a way, I feel bad for him. But only then do I realise, that his presence had me feeling warmer and more jumpy than usual. 

His heavy, strong body was pressed right up against mine. There was no way he didn’t feel how warm I’m getting. Questions seem to slowly answer themselves when Lyle shifts again. 

His arm tightens around my waist and he gently pulls my hips up against his. I don’t move, letting him set the pose. He holds me tightly against him now and my ass is pressed against his now hard erection. 

I don’t know what to do but I’m no longer thinking about my actions. I just do them. My head turns to the side again to look at him. I hear him smirk and then suddenly, Lyle presses his face against the side of my neck, nuzzling his nose into my skin. This is new. All of this. Lyle and I have never been this physical. 

“Lyle?” I ask, not sure what I’m asking or what I expect to hear as a response. 

“I thought I lost you, Buttercup.” he mumbles against my skin. His other arm pushes through underneath me and he’s wrapped both his arms around me now. 

I gasp when I feel his warm lips against my skin. Lyle starts pressing gentle kisses on my neck before he licks a small stripe and then catches the skin between his teeth. 

“Missed you so much,” he whispers, moving up so that he’s now hovering over me. He kisses my cheek and I look up at him with doe eyes. He’s being so affectionate it’s making me melt. The light speckles on our skin illuminate our bodies and I see mine in the reflection of his eyes. We stare at each other for a few long seconds before he starts to slowly lean down. His eyes flicker between mine and my lips and I let it happen. There was nothing wrong with this and no reason to stop. I missed him too.

Our lips meet and Lyle immediately starts to passionately kiss me. I sigh at the pleasant feeling, lifting my hand to caress the back of his head. Tracing my hand over his skin, I stop at his shoulders and feel the muscles flexing while he’s holding himself up. Lyle’s physique always looked good to me. Having his weight on me felt even better. 

“Let me show you how much I missed you.” he whisper after we pull away. He’s watching me, waiting for my reaction. I slowly nod and almost instantly, the gap between our lips is closed again. But this time, the kiss is more heated and Lyle seems more desperate. 

My mind is hazy from my lack of sleep and sudden affection. My eyes flutter closed with every kiss and touch he gives me that time seems to speed by. Something I hate because I wish I could prolong this moment with Lyle. 

His hands are caressing my chest and he glances at me for permission while letting his fingertips linger on the fabric of my top. This time I nod eagerly and Lyle listens, gently pulling the top over my head. He groans, letting his eyes scan me before quickly moving on to my shorts. I lift my hips and it encourages him to slip them down my legs, leaving me bare before him.

“You’ve always been so pretty.” he praised me, whispering the words into my ear. “Thought I’d never be able to tell you.” 

“Stop, you’re making me feel special.” I grin, helping him pull his shirt off. 

Lyle chuckles softly. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.” he whispers his promises into my ear. 

I smile, embracing him as he lowers himself back down. Suddenly, it seems like we’d both been touch starved and we couldn’t let each other go. I don’t know whether this is love or lust. Somewhere in between but we have a deep connection that’s igniting my skin with warmth. 

Lyle stripped himself as well and he’s kissing down my chest. Our bodies are hidden under the blanket in case anyone turns the light on. But we were quiet enough not to wake others. 

I open my legs, wrapping them around his waist and pulling him against me. I feel his aching hard cock press up against my bare pussy which was throbbing and becoming wet. Lyle’s body shudders in anticipation at the close touch and he can’t help but slowly grind himself against my folds. I bite my lip, exhaling shakily which his ears pick up on. 

“Please-” I whisper, wanting to be as close to him as possible. 

“You don’t need to beg, baby. Anythin’ for you.” he softly replies, gently nibbling my ear before adjusting his hips to mine. 

I feel the tip of his dick press against my entrance, carefully applying pressure to not overwhelm me all at once. 

I nod up at him, and his lips part in admiration when he sees my lust-filled and half-lidded eyes staring up at him. 

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He whispers to me, knowing I’m still not up to my full health. I hum in response, feeling too blown away to form words already. 

Lyle starts to gently roll his hips forward, thereby pushing himself into you. His mouth slowly drops open in pleasure, relishing in the way you’re squeezing him. The intrusion would normally make you tense up but you trust Lyle so much, you don’t stop him. Knowing he would never do anything to hurt you, you lay back and focus on relaxing yourself for him. Finally feeling so safe and good was such a contrast to how you felt a week ago. You needed this just as much as he did. 

He blamed himself for what happened just like everyone else did. Now, he wanted to apologise and make up for it. Because he missed your presence so incredibly much before, he couldn’t get enough of it now. 

Lyle finally bottomed out and he dropped his head against your shoulder in pleasure. Never had he felt this close to you, but he loved it. Even with all his built-up lust, his main priority is you. 

“You doin’ okay?” he asks, and suddenly Lyle already seems out of breath.

“Yeah, m’ fine.” I say and reassuringly tap his shoulder.

He gives me a small nod. Taking one of my hands Lyle carefully interwines our fingers and then presses our connected hands against the pillow next to my head. I sigh as he gently pulls out, pushing back in as carefully as he did the first time. He does this until he feels that I have relaxed more. Once Lyle starts to slowly pick up the pace, the movement inside me is feeling pleasurable. I start breathing heavily. Listening to Lyle’s uneven breathing and watching his lustful expression is really turning me on, making my pussy almost flutter around him. 

I gasp when his tip hits a particularly good spot inside me. It makes me instinctively clench my legs around him and roll my hips upwards. 

“That good?” Lyle teases with a grin, noticing my body’s response.

“Shit- Lyle…” I sigh, clenching my fingers down against his hand and raising my free hand to hold on to the pillow. I needed to dig my fingers into something. 

Lyle seemed to not like that I wasn’t touching him and he thrust into me sharply, making my body jolt upwards. I look at him with wide eyes before resting my free hand on his shoulders. The pleasure is building up inside me, making me curl my toes and dig my nails into his back.

Lyle growls with a grin, continuing what he’s doing. He drops his head in the crook of my neck, starting to suck and gently bite down on my skin. Probably wanting to leave hickeys. I’m not going to stop him. 

He didn’t speed up but he angled his hips in a way that sent shivers down my spine and made me arch my back off the bed. 

“Lyle-” I whisper “I’m close.” My breathing is heavy and my words are barely heard but he catches them in time. 

“You doin’ so well f’ere me, baby. So fuckin’ good.” he groans, resuming to nibble on my neck and collarbone.

My mouth drops open in bliss and I’m gasping and whimpering beneath Lyle. 

He dips his head down once more with a smug smile, kissing me to keep us both quiet as our orgasms approach. It’s the best way to shut me up. 

His thrusts deepen and I feel his abdomen nudge my clit every time he bottoms out. It’s enough to send me over the edge. My mouth hangs open again but Lyle continues to kiss me, muffling my silent moan. Not once do his movements falter. He rides out my orgasm until my legs stop clamping down around him. 

“Where do you want it?” he asks between heavy breaths, looking at me with desperate eyes because he can’t hold it back. 

“In me.” I whisper, pressing the side of my face against his. I hear him let out a muffled moan, pressing his lips together to not be too loud. 

I missed him and everything normal so much, I needed this feeling of closeness. I was about to die a few days back so I really didn’t mind.

I gather my breath and Lyle speeds up his thrusts to push himself over the edge. To help him, I open my legs wider to give him better access. The next thrust makes him growl in pleasure and within seconds, his body spasms. Lyle bites down onto my shoulder, holding me down with both his arms and placing his body weight on me while he rams himself as deep inside my pussy as possible and shoots his cum inside me. He holds me down, not letting me move until he’s done. 

Once he’s emptied his balls inside me, his grip on me loosens and we lock eyes once more. 

Slowly, I lift my hand and cup his cheek. The small act of affection makes him smile softly and he presses his forehead against mine, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment. I smile up at him, unable to contain my happiness. I really liked him and I was happy this happened between us. 

Lyle grinned down at me, seeming to read my thoughts. I pulled him in for a quick peck on the lips and then he slowly lifted himself up, pulling out. His hands traced my body as he prepared to lay back down next to me. 

“So pretty. You’re mine baby.” he says, leaning down about to rest next to me once more before his movements stop. 

“Don’t know about that, Corporal.” Said a voice from behind us. It spoke louder than we did and I immediately recognised it to be the Colonel. Quaritch was awake and had probably heard everything. 

I gasp and Lyle freezes, staring at me for a second before sighing. He would have been surprised if you both wouldn’t have woken anyone up. 

Quaritch walks up to my bed, glancing at Lyle before once again fixating his gaze on me. My hands are gripping onto the edge of the blanket, holding it above my chest. The Colonel is my superior and my face flushes in embarrassment in response to being caught doing that. 

“Didn’t know you’d be this temptin’ sweet’eart.” He grinned, flashing his fangs. Quaritch was a bold man not afraid of judgement. 

“I’m sorry sir, I-” 

“Almost irresistible.” he mutters under his breath, making me stop mid-sentence. 

Lyle is next to me, silently watching the situation unfold. He knows the Colonel well and is aware that he isn’t just having you to himself tonight. 

Quaritch once again glances at Lyle and his gaze is more of a warning sign now. Lyle takes the hint, reaching for his sweatpants before moving off the bed. He looks down at me in a way to make sure I’m doing okay. I was surprised by the Colonel’s forwardness but Lyle was making sure I’m not uncomfortable. I know that if he would feel like I’m in danger, he would do absolutely everything in his power to protect me from that. 

But it was Quaritch in the room with us. Definitely no stranger. I trusted Quaritch as well, I just had to be more respectful and presentable around him because he was a high-ranking officer.

“I was ready to kill Jake the second I’d see him.” Quaritch says, continuing to peer down at me. “Rip ‘im open and burn his body.”

If this is how Quaritch dirty talks then someone help me. 

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you, darlin’. I can promise you that with my life.”

His words are deep and while processing them, he steps closer. Quaritch sits down on the bed so that we are at eye level. 

“I want ‘te make it up to you.” he says, gazing deeply into my eyes. 

I watch him and his words send a shiver down my spine. Quaritch is very much attractive but he is also so much more intimidating than Lyle. I feel nervous being so exposed around him but something about the way he is so gentle with me and the soft look on his face makes me want this to happen.

“You trust me?” Quaritch asks. He looks so genuine and so real. As if he’d left the Colonel sleeping and what I’m seeing in front of me is just him as Miles. 

“Yes.” I whisper, giving him a light nod. A small smile spreads across his lips. His large hand reaches up to my face and he twirls a small strand of hair that came loose around his fingers before gently tucking it behind my ear. I can’t tear my wide eyes from his. The amazement and surprise that this is happening is still astounding me. 

“I won’t let you down.” he softly says, moving closer to me. “Never again.” 

With that, he firmly presses his lips against mine, pulling my face to his. 

I accept, letting my body relax against his. 

Quaritch’s hands are on me, pulling me closer to him and within a matter of seconds, he’s hooked his palms under my thighs and has managed to tug me onto his lap. He was wearing nothing but his pants and I enjoyed the warm skin-to-skin contact our chests have.

The Colonel must have been watching or listening to Lyle and me because I felt his fully erect dick under me. It made me lose my mind. My fucking Colonel, the person I always look up to seems to have it bad for me. 

His fingers dig into my hips and he presses me down against him, pulling away from the kiss and growling. I gasp, letting my eyes flutter closed while he grabs my queue, tugging my head back to expose my neck. His lips attach themselves to my neck as a small distraction while his other hand reaches between us and pushes down his pants. 

He’s sucking and nibbling the skin of my neck, making me arch myself into him at the pleasant feeling. I’m not surprised that the Colonel is so skilled. A man of that age has a lot of experience. I just never thought I would be on the receiving end of it. 

He pushes his pants down to his mid-thigh, far enough to free his aching cock from the restraints of the fabric. Once again, he forces my hips closer against his, pressing my already wet pussy against the sheath of his length. It’s warm and at this point, my core is too. Our bodies radiate heat while our senses are flooded with desire and lust. 

His eyes seem to have turned a shade darker. Miles looks animalistic. His gaze is predatory, showing me his hunger and thirst for more. It doesn’t scare me though. He’s deeply buried in the moment but it’s still him who I trust. 

His needs seem to be screaming at him and without further ado, both his hands latch themselves to my sides, lifting me up a little. I’m supporting myself by standing on my knees but it seems like Quaritch still wants full control, despite our position. 

I feel his tip against my entrance. But this time mine and Lyle’s cum is slowly dripping out and onto him, covering his throbbing erection. 

When I look up at him, Miles is grinning. There’s something so dirty about all of this but it’s just exciting me more. My thoughts are interrupted when Quaritch stops holding me up, guiding me down him until I’m fully seated on his lap again with him buried deep inside my pussy. 

“F-fuck…” he curses, hissing the words through his teeth. “I knew you’d feel amazing.” 

His whisper makes me shudder in anticipation. At this point, I didn’t even want this for my own pleasure. It felt great, but pleasing the Colonel was better. 

He started to rock my hips against him, before eventually lifting and sinking my hips up and down him. Watching his expression relax and tense up in pleasure and listening to his grunts and pants was all I really wanted. 

Perhaps I had missed him so much too, that I just wanted to please him and feel him close to me. 

His pace grew harder. Even though Quaritch cares about me just as much as Lyle does, he isn’t as gentle. Only now do I realise how thankful I am that Lyle went slow with me. I would be in pain if he wouldn’t have been as careful. 

“Miles-” I gasp in shock when I feel what I think is another orgasm approaching. This hasn’t happened before. I thought I wouldn’t be able to cum so quickly after an orgasm but it seems that Quaritch really can work magic. 

“Come on baby, don’t hold back on me.” he grunts, enthusiastically bucking his hips up to meet mine. I hold on to his shoulders for balance, needing something to ground me through my bliss. It was slowly becoming too much. 

Suddenly, his hand reaches between us and starts rubbing circles around my clit, occasionally pressing down on it and applying the right amount of pressure. I whimper, closing my eyes while my hips stutter in their place. 

“It’s okay, I got you.” he whispers, pressing the side of his face against my neck while he continues to spear me down onto him. The light suddenly turns on, lighting up the entire room but we’re both too absent-minded at the moment to care. 

Within seconds, I’m cumming around him. My pussy clenches in a way that makes Miles hiss and my knees go weak, no longer supporting my trembling legs, He curses before thrusting me down him as far as possible and spilling himself into me. His arm is snaked around my waist supportively, holding me to him as our orgasms rip through our bodies. 

“There you go.” he coos into my ear, slowly stilling my hips and just holding me while both of us pant for air.

I cover my eyes, squinting from the sudden illumination coming from the lamp. 

“Sorry.” I hear Lyle chuckle and I open my eyes to look at him. “Wanted to see your face.”

I just nod weakly, resting my head on Quaritch’s shoulder. I inhale his strong, musky scent and it comforts me, seeming to make all my worries go away. His arms were still cradling me and I could have fallen asleep like this. But it seems that others could not. 

“How you doin’, sweetheart?” Miles asks, carefully letting me go and pulling away so that he could look at me again. My eyes are half-lidded again but not from lust, from sleepiness. 

“Tired.” I mumble, dropping my head flimsily. 

“Can you go again?”

His words make my mind halt for a few seconds. I look up at him in confusion. Again?

He reads my expression before nodding his head, motioning to something behind me. I slowly turn around and with the light on, I see Mansk and Lopez are awake. Ja and Prager are awake too, but Mansk and Lopez are closer to us. They’re looking at me the way Quaritch looked at me when I was still with Lyle. 

Lopez is standing and Mansk has moved off his bed. Quaritch caresses my waist before gently moving me off of him. I stare at him with wide eyes and he smiles. 

“You’ll be okay. I know you can take it.” he says, slowly getting up. Quaritch does know me well enough to know my limits. Not sexual limits, just physical limits, especially in the gym. But it seems as though that has some similarity to this. 

Suddenly, another bed is pushed together against mine by Lopez. Mansk is now standing next to me with his eyes on me. 

“Hey princess,” he smirks and I swallow nervously. His smile widens and he looks up at Lopez before pulling his own tank top over his head. 

“Don’t worry, baby.” Lopez coos, settling down on the now double bed. 

“We’re gonna take real good care of you.” Mansk adds, sitting next to me. His arms tangle around me and he nuzzles his nose against my cheek, inhaling deeply. 

“Ya smell so good.” he purrs and I just weakly lean against him. 

Mansk and Lopez are both entranced by your scent. It’s sweet and lures them to you. But they can smell Lyle and Quaritch on you. Naturally, their instincts tell them to get rid of that smell and replace it with their own. 

All the recoms are even more protective of you now than ever before. Not only because of what happened to you previously but also because you are the only female in the group now. You’re all that they really have now and can protect. 

“I’m goin’ first.” Mansk tells Lopez who clearly has an issue with that. 

“No fuckin’ way, I’m not waitin’ anymore. Been awake since the beginning, I can’t just fuckin’ watch again.” Lopez protests, making my ears perk up. 

He’s been awake since the beginning? Maybe Lyle and I really need to learn to be more stealthy. Or not, this isn’t such a bad outcome either. 

Lopez lays down, reaching for me and pulling me on top of him. I don’t bother to resist. Why would I? 

Mansk doesn’t let Lopez take me away that quickly and within seconds, he’s behind me. 

I’m on all fours, watching them and hoping they don’t start tugging me back and forth. 

Behind my back, Mansk and Lopez exchange looks and scan the position we’re all currently in. Lopez grins up at him before directing his attention back to me. 

“Hey, mami.” he smirks, running his thumb over my lips. I stare down at him and my partly fucked out expression has him grinning. 

“We’re gonna try something, yeah?” he asks, and I just stare at him with confusion. I’m not even embarrassed about being bare in front of them all, so I can’t protest, I just listen and go with whatever they say. 

“Give ‘er a safeword.” Mansk says behind me. His large hands are gently skimming the curves of my hips and ass before one wraps around my tail, moving it up to fully expose me to him. 

“Say ‘red’ when you’re at your limit, okay baby?” Lopez explains, watching me with a devilish grin as I nod. 

“Okay.” I whisper and he nods up at Mansk. Whatever they are planning, I assume it won’t be easy for me to take so I try to distract myself. Perfect, right in front of me. I examine Lopez’s tattooed chest of his toned body laying beneath me. I raise a hand and start gently outlining the inked words under his skin. 

Lopez and Mansk are shuffling beneath and behind me. My distraction causes me to not notice them remove their pants. Lopez however feels the small touch and smiles up at me. 

“You’re so cute, mami.” He whispers, making me lock eyes with him again. “Promise to make you feel good.” 

I nod and he looks behind me again. They’re moving my hips and legs to try to position me correctly while I once again stare at Lopez’s tattoos.

There’s a pressure being applied against my core again, but now it feels normal to me I don’t even turn around to see what exactly they are doing. 

Lopez’s hand comes up and gently wraps around my throat, holding me in place. I lean into his touch, letting myself be fully at their mercy. 

Suddenly, I feel what I think is one of them push themselves inside me. I gasp, eyes shooting wide when I feel the burning stretch of my walls adjusting. My breath seems to get caught in my throat.

“Nnhgh-” I whine, clamping my teeth tightly shut and squeezing my eyes closed. 

“Fuckk,” Mansk breathily exhales, steadying himself against my ass. 

Lopez’s ears are strained back, his fangs are bared and his eyebrows furrowed in bliss. The realisation hits me. Both of them are inside me at the same time. 

“Shit- you’re so tight baby.” he groans, placing his free hand on my waist and squeezing my flesh. Mansk is holding my lower hip and tail. 

I’m struggling to breathe. My arms spread wider to the sides to support me in case they start moving. I ball my fingers into fists around the bedsheets, trying to deal with the pain. 

“Give ‘er a minute.” I hear Quaritch tell them. He must be watching my expression. I see Lopez nod and I assume Mansk does the same. They weren’t planning on moving without your permission anyway.

My head drops and I calm my breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply. It burned, causing tears to prick in the corners of my eyes. Mansk is gently rubbing soothing circles onto my belly while being hunched over me. 

After a few minutes of that and Lopez whispering soft praises and compliments to me, the stretch is gone.

“It’s- better now.” I say with a small sob which I quickly swallow down so that it goes unheard. They trust my judgement, exchanging looks before my hips are nudged forward and they pull out, leaving just a little of their dicks inside. 

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, steadying myself on the mattress above Lopez once again before they thrust back in, in synch. 

They share their rhythm, making sure to go slower to not overwhelm me. But I’m already overwhelmed. My core is throbbing from overstimulation and my eyes are tearing up. 

But their touches are gentle. Their hands do not fail to pleasingly caress my body while they thrust into me. My hair is moved to the side to reveal the side of my neck that hasn’t been marked by either Lyle or Quaritch. Lopez presses his tongue against my pulse point before gently sucking his own hickeys into my skin. 

Mansk groans behind me, letting his head fall back. I feel so stuffed, I know that if I even manage to have another orgasm, it will come quickly because they are reaching spots I never knew I had. 

“Fuck, princess you feel so good.” Mansk praises me. “Doin’ so well.”

I whimper in response, feeling glad I can please them at least. This is turning into one big love-making session. I missed everyone so much and seems they did too, we just can’t get enough of each other. 

“Shit- ‘m not gonna last-” Lopez growls. It must feel tighter than usual for them. 

My body is being nudged forwards with every thrust. 

“Come on, mami. Cum for us.” Lopez encourages me.

“I- I can’t,” I whine, feeling a tear spill from my eyes. Lopez wipes it away, holding my cheek to support my lolling head. 

“You can do it, one more.” he whispers breathlessly into my ear. Under me, he starts to roll his hips so that they grind against my clit with every thrust. I whimper, instinctively pushing back against them which makes Mansk growl. 

Their thrusts are more sloppy and desperate, signalling they must be close. Lopez doesn’t stop his rhythm and soon I’m on the edge of my third orgasm. 

“I’m gonna-” I gasp “I’m gonna cum-” 

“Fuckin’ right, let go, mami.” he grunts. 

My moans spur them on and in seconds my entire body is shaking once more. The way my walls hug them makes it almost impossible for Mansk and Lopez to move and their both goners too. 

“Grippin’ me so well, baby.” Mansk hisses, digging his fingers into my hips. 

I’m seeing stars and my vision blacks out as I feel both men shoot their thick ropes of cum deep inside me, once again filling me up. 

At this point, I’m panting again and my arms give out. I slowly go limp against Lopez, laying on top of him. Behind me, Mansk pulls out to ease me from the overstimulation. Lopez then follows and I’m wondering whether I’ve lost the senses in my legs. They won’t stop trembling. 

“Holy shit.” Lopez mumbles, patting my back while my non-functioning body is close to either falling asleep or passing out again. 

“That deserves a fuckin’ reward.” Lyle says, sitting on his bed. 

“I’ll give ‘er a reward.” Ja says. His voice comes from somewhere behind me. My tail stops swaying as I replay the words in my head. I lift myself up a little and look at Lopez, then at Quaritch. 

“You said one more.” I whine in protest to Lopez who looks at me apologetically. He himself then looks at Quaritch, seeming unsure whether I can actually manage another round. 

Quaritch doesn’t say or do anything, leaving it up to me to decide. 

“Only if you want to, Y/N.” Prager says, coming around to the head of the bed while Lopez slowly lifts me off of him. He looks at Ja who nods in agreement. 

“I feel like such a slut.” I say, cupping my face in embarrassment and shame. I have never had intercourse with this many people right after the other. 

“Don’t. You’re perfect.” Prager says, lowering himself onto the bed in front of me. 

“Unless you’re into that. Then do.” Lopez jokes, biting his tongue and playfully slapping my thigh before getting up. 

Mansk smirks and Ja chuckles. 

“Can you go one last time?” Prager asks. He was such a sweet person. Even before, he would always check up on me, for example when it seemed like I was struggling in training. 

I wanted to please him and Ja too. 

I nod slowly, wiping a previously shed tear from my face. “Yeah. Just- please be gentle.” I ask him and Ja. Both men nod and Ja grins, taking his position behind me. 

“Sure thing, baby.” Prager smiles. My head is spinning a little but I manage to hear them push down their pants. To my surprise, Prager stays in front of me.

I look up at him and he gently parts my lips with his thumb. Oh. Sure. Hopefully, I won’t choke and die. 

“Watch the fangs.” I softly say, my voice a little raspy from the moaning. Prager nods, tracing one of my fangs with his finger before tilting my chin upwards to him. Ja is already covering himself in all the mixed cum from before, lubricating his member for easier access. It’s not really necessary because I’m stretched out for today but I’m letting him do whatever. 

I open my mouth for Prager and let him just use my head and hold my jaw open. I’m barely strong enough to continue standing on all fours. Luckily, Ja tucks his arm under my waist to hold me up while the other presses down against the bed. His hips roll forwards and with a loud squelching sound, he pushes in. 

“Fuckin’ hell, baby. What’d they do to ya?” Ja huffs out a light laugh, watching the cum flow out as he replaces the empty space inside me with his dick. 

“A better job than whatever you’re doin’.” Quaritch fires back. Prager chuckles, knowing he’s referring to the way Ja was covering himself in slick just moments before. Ja huffs in annoyance before returning his attention to me. His thrusts are a little harder again and I want to say something but my mouth is filled with Prager’s dick. He’s gripping a handful of hair around my queue to lift my mouth off his dick and push me back on it. I fight back any need to choke or cough and relax my body as much as possible, letting them use me any way they wanted. Perhaps, things went by quickly because my mind is so hazed and I’m so fucked out. 

Just to add the cherry on top, I hollow my cheeks around Prager’s member, creating a suction that has his hips stuttering. To give something to Ja, I arch my back against him, spreading my legs open a little more to help him out. Both of them are grunting while my moans and whimpers are muffled. I can feel the cum dripping down my inner thighs. It spreads onto Ja’s every time he bottoms out and lets his skin slap against mine. 

I’m surprised with how I’m managing things and I plan on just having them finish but then Ja starts to rub his fingers between my dripping folds. He moves them with the same rhythm he’s thrusting into me with and my eyes go wide. I flinch away from his touch because the oversensitivity is completely making me tremble again. 

“We promise, this is the last one baby. Just one more time.” Ja whispers, speeding up his own pistoning hips.

I close my teary eyes, inhaling deeply through my nose to stay composed.

“Just for us-” he grunts. I’m not sure whether he expects me to nod or give him a thumbs up, but quite frankly, I am incapable of doing either at the moment. I just take it, knowing this is the last round. 

He continues his rapid thrusts. Ja would have never thought he would see you like this. Everyone is on the same page about that. You all knew each other well but no one saw this coming. It just happened in the heat of the moment. That doesn’t mean, many haven’t fantasised about being with you before though. They definitely have.

Prager bites down on his lip to muffle his moan while I swirl my tongue along the base of his dick. 

“Shit-” he whines, dropping his head back in bliss. His body tenses and he thrusts his hips forward into my mouth as far as possible before spilling his load down my throat. 

Behind me, Ja slapped my ass which made me jolt forward and swallow down more of Prager’s length. I suckled on his dick while he came, making sure to ‘milk’ him dry, which made him shudder. Prager’s moan helped send me over the edge and I couldn’t believe I was cumming again. 

Ja pulled me closer to him by the base of my tail, forcing himself as deep into my pussy as he can go before he himself finally experiences his orgasm. 

The squelching and slapping sounds finally died down as they gathered their breath. Prager pulled out, holding my cheek in his palm to let me breathe properly too. Ja mimics his movements, removing himself from inside me. Both men gather themselves and return to their senses while I just collapse onto the bed, falling sideways against the mattress. 

“Ah, shit. There she goes.” Lyle chuckles, but he quickly stands up to come to my aid. 

I groan in a low voice, feeling how all my limbs go weak.

“How ‘bout one more round?” Lyle asks, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

I look up at him in disbelief. “You’re fucking kidding.” I warn, knowing I cannot even move right now. 

He chuckles again. “I’m only messin’ with ya.” 

“Not funny. I think I need to go back to the hospital.” I grumble, curling my legs against my chest and rolling over to my side. 

“You did so well, darlin’. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.” Quaritch adds, standing next to Lyle and peering down at my weak self. 

Mansk had gone to wet a warm cloth and he’s back now, carefully parting my legs to clean up the mess that was made. I let him roll me on my back to clean my thighs too. He smiles at me before passing the cloth to Ja who needs it too. 

Lyle reaches for my clothes and with the help of Lopez, they put them back on me. 

“Thank you.” I mumble while leaning against Lyle.

“Geez, no need to thank for this. What you did is something worth thankin’ for.”  he grins, sitting me up slowly. 

“Let’s get you to bed.” Quaritch says, bending over to pick me up. He holds me bridal style against his chest and I just hand there. My eyes are closing, so I don’t pay attention to where he is carrying but I remember my bed being on the other side of the room. 

The other recoms stare as the Colonel carries you to his bed. 

“That’s where she’s sleeping?” Ja asks. 

“Yeah. Problem?” Quaritch responds, lightly snapping again. 

“Not if it’s only tonight.” 

Quaritch frowns at Ja before answering. “We’ll switch every night.” 

No one complained about that rule. Everyone was tired and so we went to bed. I was already fast asleep when Quaritch lay down with me, resting me on his chest to ensure I wouldn’t wake up with another nightmare. The lights went off but I knew nothing bad could happen to me. Not with them.

(Writing this used up all my mental energy, I need a nap rn. Let me know if you liked it! If you spot any spelling mistakes, feel free to point them out and I will correct them)

Tag List: @ken-dala @ikranwings @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @numarusworld @number1gal @jatwow

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Hit ‘Em Up! (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Cowboy!Gojo Satoru x Cowboy!Geto Suguru x Black!Cowgirl!Reader (Slow Burn/Enemies to Lovers)

Synopsis: You get to meet Geto & Gojo the Gunslingers, the notorious outlaws that have every town and law enforcement in a twist, when your bum-ass BF offers you as payment to avoid going to prison. Little do they know that this is only a part of your plan to get what you desire. But when you realize that the infamous gun-slinging, smooth-talking cowboys could be everything you want and more when they offer you a deal to team up with them, will you successfully be able to go through with it? 

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINOS GTFO); poly!SatouSugu; Reader is Black & Fem; Mention of other JJK characters; Porn with Plot; Tragic Backstories; T/W for Childhood Trauma, Parental Death, Violence, Panic Attacks & Torture; Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Hand Kink; Masturbation; Voyeurism; Gay Sex; Polyamorous; Double Deepthroat; Mutual Oral; Fingering; CMNF; Spitroast; Riding; Unprotected PiV Sex; Creampies; Outside/Public Sex; Shotgunning; Multiple Positions; Spit Kink; Facials; MDom/fsub Undertones; Aftercare

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: LISTEN TO BEYONCE'S NEW ALBUM. -Jazz

Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen PT I & II. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty-Two. Twenty-Three. Epilogue. Soundtrack.

********

FOUR: SHE A TYRANT.

You pause, wondering if you heard Gojo correctly or if Valentine smoked you after all. “Come again?” you ask. 

Your eyes switch like ping pong balls between the handsome strangers, wondering who will make the first move. Geto bites back a laugh while Gojo cackles to himself. “We said,” he repeats, humor in his tone which pisses you off, “we are here for you.” 

You pause, processing their confusing words. “For what?” you bark. “To kill me? Have your way with me? ‘Cause I don’t roll like that, especially with outlaws.” Gojo shoots Geto a look, winking at him. “We know,” he chuckles. “You kill ‘em dead instead…which I’m kinda curious about. Why is that you–” 

“That’s none of your business!” you snap. He puts his hands up higher. 

“How do y’all even know where I was?” you demand, more upset than anything about your secret identity being exposed. You thought you were more careful! You’ve kept your face hidden behind a bandana for years as the Femme Fatale, never coming out of it unless you’re alone or no one knows who you are. You thought you were safe in Blackwater. 

“It ain’t hard to ask around,” Geto explains. “We blew into Blackwater after a couple of folks in the next town over said they saw you headin’ South. Since this is close by, we figured if you weren’t here, you’d at least be seen here.” He gives you a smile, sweet despite the situation at hand. “How lucky were we to have found you?” he chortles. 

You keep the gun trained on them, cocking it. “Seriously?!” Gojo scoffs, glaring at you. “After we already put down our guns, you still wanna kill us?!” 

“I don’t trust outlaws,” you growl. “I’ve been waitin’ for y’all to come here to get Valentine, so I can finally cross y’all off my hit list…but I need some questions answered first.”

You watch the duo give you a questionable look. “I wanna know where Benji The Bandit is,” you say, your voice steely and cool. “Ya’ll work for him, correct?” 

The duo share a troubling look with each other at the mention of their boss and the eviliest man in the wild, wild West. He robs the rich and the poor; decimates towns and villages; has killed dozens. Legend says that he can show up in a town only once and scare its civilians into silence which is why the law has been chasing him for nearly two decades now. Nobody will ever give up Benji the Bandit’s whereabouts unless they have a death wish. 

“We did to work for him,” Geto answers, correcting you much to your dismay. “We did his dirty work for two years until he gave us a mission that we had to refuse.”

You cock your head to the side, curious. “And what was that?” But the duo stays silent on that and you sigh, exasperated. “Fine, don’t tell me that, but at least me where he is.” 

“We’re just as clueless as you, doll,” he says with a shrug. “We’ve been lookin’ for him for three years since we left him, but you know Benji: if he don’t wanna be found, he won’t be. Now may we ask you some questions?” 

“No,” you hiss, pissed that you didn’t get what you wanted. “I don’t wanna find out why y’all are here for me. Frankly, I don’t care and now you two definitely have to go if you know who I am.”

Even through his blindfold, you can see Gojo roll his eyes. “Drama queen,” he mutters. “We won’t tell anyone.” 

You squint at them, sizing them up. “How can I be so sure?” you ask suspiciously. “How do I know that if I let my guard down now, y’all won’t put a bullet in me where I stand?”

Geto frowns at you, possibly wondering why you’re so difficult. “We wouldn’t do that,” he says, actually sounding offended. “But since you mentioned us takin’ you off guard…” 

His foot only moves an inch across the carpet, but it slides across the hardwood floors anyway and takes you with it. With a shriek, you trip backwards and lose the grip on your gun, causing it to fly out of your hand. You manage to catch yourself with one hand balancing you and turn so your on one knee, staring up at Geto who bends down to pick up your gun. “Hey!” you bark. 

He smirks down at you, his eyes gleaming underneath his cowboy hat. “Now that’s takin’ off guard, little lady,” he chuckles. “Just wanted to get the gun from you. It was startin’ to scare my ‘Tarou.” He looks back at Gojo with a smiling that way too intimate and personal to be platonic. 

Flushing at the realization, you gape at them. “Wait,” you pause. “Are you two–” 

“Together?” Gojo finishes with a smirk. “I’m afraid the rumors are true, doll: the famous gunslingers ride more than just horses. But you won’t tell anyone, will ya?” He gives you a wink.

You stand up with a grunt, angered at the subject being changed and being embarrassed by Geto’s move. “Listen, I don’t care about y’all’s love life,” you scoff. “Just gimme back my gun!” 

Geto twirls your gun around his gloved fingers, his gaze teasing. “And if I do, are you gonna blow our heads off?” he asks. He and Gojo keep their eyes on you, sizing you up the way you do them, watching you to see what your next move will be. You have to be careful, so you shake your head. 

But the long-haired outlaw isn’t buying it. “How can we be so sure?” he retorts. Gritting your teeth, you go to snatch it from him, but he holds it up out of your reach. “Ah-ah…I asked you a question.” 

“I said give me back my goddamn gun!” you snap before kicking Geto straight in the balls. His pretty face screws up in pain and he grunts, dropping your gun as he cups himself and hunches in agony. You race to pick up the pistol, but Gojo’s foot sends it shooting across the floor to the other side of the room. 

You glare at him, seeing red like a bull. “Oooh, she’s feisty,” he cackles, taking off his hat and letting it fall to the floor. “I like that. Just be careful, little miss. I happen to like what ya just kicked.” Geto groans as he rolls onto his side, still cupping his balls. You’d laugh if you weren’t so pissed off. 

You stand before Gojo with your fists tightly palled up and your feet in a fighter’s stance like a boxer. “Goin’ against me?” you bitterly laugh. “I’d like to see you two try.”

You take the first punch at Gojo, but he blocks it with his hand as if he saw it coming a mile away. You take another; he blocks it again. Frustrated, you decide to switch it up and go for a kick at his head, but he ducks. 

His next move is something you count on him doing: he yanks on your ankle, sending you careening backwards onto the floor. This time, you can’t catch yourself and fall onto your ass. You have no time to focus on the sharp pain shooting up into your behind because the outlaw quickly gets on top to straddle you.

“Usually, I don’t do this with girls I just met,” he chuckles, “but I think you’re an exception, little miss.” 

“Bite me,” you growl before wrapping your legs tightly around his neck and squeezing your thighs around it. Using all the strength in your core, you bring yourself up to headbutt him with the top of your skull. You release him and with a gasp, Gojo falls backwards into the couch, clutching his head. 

Quickly, you get up and head to the door to escape, but two strong arms wrapping around your midsection stop you. With a yelp, you’re shoved into the wall by Geto, pinned between him and the wall. “Get offa me!” you cry out, wriggling around to try and break free. But that becomes futile when you suddenly feel Geto begin to pin your arms behind your back, sending sparks of pain shooting into your body.

“No!” you cry out, near tears. “Stop!” 

“Then calm the fuck down,” he demands, his voice firm in your ear. Though you do stop, you turn your head slightly to look back at him, seeing the warning in his eyes. “Or what?” you spit defiantly. 

A terrifying (yet thrilling) fire alights behind Geto’s dark eyes just at the same time as Gojo comes to assess your restricted state. “Oooh, she’s a brat,” he chuckles despite just receving a nasty headbutt. “Now I really wanna keep her, Sugu.” He tugs his pink bottom lip between his white teeth.

“Chill, Satoru,” Geto firmly says, his eyes still trained on you. “We won’t hurt you, but if you’re okay with bein’ pinned against the wall, then by all means, sugar, we’ll get the whip.” 

Gojo gives you a sly grin, his long, thick, black leather whip in his hand now. At the thought of being tied up and completely at their mercy, you let yourself go slack in Geto’s hold.

“Okay, okay, I’m calm! I promise!” You take a deep breath and relax yourself, much to your dismay and irritation. You don’t like listening to anyone, especially grown ass men, when you’re a grown ass woman. 

But in this situation, you’ll have to. Satisfied, Geto releases you and you begin to rub the kinks out of your arms from his iron grip, turning to face them as you do. The duo gives you your space now, stepping to the other side of the room. A sudden knock at the door makes you jump. “Y/N!” Todo yells. “Everythin’ okay in there?” 

“We’ll come in if you aren’t!” Mai calls through the door. “We’ll call the sheriff!” 

“Mai, you idiot, don’t let them know that!” Maki criticizes. You look at the duo standing before, wondering if you should say yes. Finally, you call to the others, “It’s alright, y’all. We just dropped some drinks up here.”

The two still stand there, never getting their guns or taking a step near you. They leave the ball completely in your court. “Explain,” you demand, crossing your arms. 

“We didn’t come to fight you,” Geto explains and the corner of his lips lift slightly, “though that was quite entertainin’. We came to offer you a proposition: you team up with us. Help us take out these other baddies.”

You raise your brows at them, stunned. After putting up that fuss, they still want you on their team? ‘They must want this pussy bad,’ you think.

“Plus, you’ll need us for protection,” Geto adds. “It’s only a matter of time till people find out who you are, especially when Valentine gets arrested. You think he’s gon’ keep quiet about your identity just ‘cause you shot him in the ear?” Your world once again crumbles when you realize that he could be right. 

“Shit!” you hiss, pinching the bridge of your nose as a headache begins to thump-thump-thumb against your head. “Shit, shit, this ruins everything! I had a plan!” 

“Well, whatever that plan is, we can still help you achieve it,” Gojo replies, “but you’d have to come with us. We’re not gonna go into detail now since I’m sure people are listenin’,” ––he nods at the door––”but with our skills and brains combined, we could be unstoppable!” 

You look between the two, assessing their faces for something––a glint in their eye; a twitch of their mouths––to give them away. But you see nothing. “What’s in this for me?” you ask suspiciously. Geto looks like he was waiting for you to ask that question. “We can go into all of that if you agree,” he tells you. 

They actually look like they want you to say yes to this and to your shock, you want to. You’re curious as to why they want you in the first place out of so many other people dying to even get their attention. But you can’t. You have a plan that you’ve been putting together for years now. 

“No,” you laugh. “Sorry, fellas, but I work alone. I always have and always will. Plus, I’ve been runnin’ from the law for years now and they haven’t caught up to me yet.” 

They look like they were expecting that answer. Gojo sulks while Geto gives you an understanding nod. “Can’t bash the confidence,” he says, “but if you ever think differently…”

He takes a moment to take something out of his pocket––a piece of paper––and takes a pen from the nightstand next to the bed. He scribbles something down before passing it to you. “Pay us a visit,” he finishes. “We leave tomorrow.” 

You read the message in your hands, seeing a number and an address to a motel: 1211 at the Corner of Maplewood, Rm 201 - G &G. 

Geto then moves to pick up his weapons, straighten himself up, and walk back over to you. His eyes on you longer than necessary as he watches you read the note, looking gobsmacked. “Think about it,” he whispers. “We hope to see you again, little lady.” He takes your hand and gives it a light kiss before walking off to the door. 

Gojo gives you a wink and a tip of his hat as he follows his partner to the door. “Bye for now, doll,” he says. When Geto opens it, Todo, Shoko, Yuki, and the Zenin sisters stand in the threshold, wide-eyed and definitely eavesdropping. 

“Ladies,” Gojo greets as he follows Geto out the door. “Y’all might wanna dial for y’all’s sheriff. I don’t think this establishment needs a wanted criminal as a boss.” He nods down at Valentine’s unconscious body before heading off, disappearing down the stairs. 

You are immediately bombarded with questions as your coworkers rush you, but you can’t say anything. You’re too busy staring at the note, so much that you begin to memorize the hotel room number. 

*******

That night, the Blackwater saloon closes early and Valentine is arrested. 

As soon as Gojo and Geto leave as quickly and as quietly as they’d come, Choso calls the Blackwater sheriff who riles up his posse and quickly come on their horses, one of them dragging a steel box behind it to transport Valentine to prison.

The entire saloon erupts in whispers and shocked stares as they watch two officers drag Valentine’s body down the steps, his wrists cuffed. 

For the next hour, the entire saloon is questioned––you, the bartenders, the dancers, the guards, and even the customers––about what happened tonight.

You tell the sheriff about Geto and Gojo’s arrival to find Valentine and Valentine forcing you onto the Gunslingers, but you don’t tell them anything about anything other than that. The sheriff doesn’t seem suspicious of you, only thanks you for your time and apologizes for this “huge mess”. 

Later, you retreat to one of the empty bedrooms to watch Valentine be tossed into the back of the steel cart. As you watch from the window, Geto’s warning continues to haunt you. You can’t help but wonder if he’s right.

Will Valentine expose you to the law? Will you be arrested? That makes your want to flee even more tempting. Just leave without telling anyone where you are headed. 

But what about Shoko and the others? What would you tell them? You look down at the note clutched in your palm, reading the hotel number over and over again. Can you really trust these guys? 

The door to the bedroom opens and you quickly hide the note in your bosom just as Shoko comes. “Jeez, what a mess,” she sighs, hands on her hips. “This is gonna be the talk of the town for a week. I just spoke to Maki and she’s gonna be takin’ over the saloon till we get a new manager.” 

“Why doesn’t she just manage it herself?” you ask. Shoko just gives you a look and you laugh, knowing damn well that Maki would cuss so many people out that she’d never be able to handle a managerial job.

“Came up to tell ya that the saloon is closing for tonight,” Shoko says, giving you a tender look. “We can head home.” 

You nod, giving her a smile. “Thanks. I’ll change my clothes and say bye to the others then.”

Silently, you walk past Shoko and she lets you, watching you go. You can tell she is worried about you and wants to ask what happened tonight, but she doesn’t want you to feel attacked or cornered. But you also know that she’ll ask you later when you’re both home. 

After saying goodnight to the saloon employees and pretending to vomit when Yuki giggles about going home with Choso tonight, you change into a simple, pink dress, pack your things, and walk home with Shoko to your shared home only four blocks from work.

When you moved to Blackwater five months ago, you bunked with Shoko in a 500 square foot room that you renovated into an apartment with a kitchen, a small lounging area, a bathroom, and two twin beds. 

You couldn’t be happier to have such a great roomie and friend, but you know it can’t last forever. This is the thought you’ve had in your head for months now any time you acted as if you were ���normal”, going with your coworkers to happy hour at another bar or gossiping with Shoko by the candlelight at home. And you can sense that Shoko feels the same way as you take the short route home together. 

The dirt roads are quiet, the many stores, boutiques, and establishments closed for the night, and the street lamps surrounded with buzzing insects attracted to the brightness and alight with flames that light your way as you walk side by side. The night is warm, but not sticky and you can tell that rain is in the forecast judging by the smell. You’re originally from the South, so you know these things. 

Shoko is concerningly quiet, something that is unlike her. You wait for her to ask the golden question, but she instead stays silent, looking ahead. “Alright,” you sigh. “Go on and ask.” she looks at you questionably. “Hm?” she asks. 

You give her a long look, raising an eyebrow. “You wanna ask me about the Gunslingers, so go ahead! Ask me!”

But she doesn’t, probably because she figures that you need your privacy and that you have your reasons for keeping things from her…which you do. “We didn’t have sex,” you say. “And they didn’t force themselves on me if that’s what you’re worried about. They didn’t even really want Valentine.” 

Shoko finally looks at you as she takes out a cigarette and lights it with a match stick. The end of the cigarette butt glows bright red, reminding you of a firefly in the darkness. “So what did they want?” she asks, confused. 

You bite your lip, battling internally with yourself. You know that Shoko wouldn’t go running to the law if you tell her who you really are, but the life you live has taught you to never trust ANYONE. But even so, you can tell her some of the truth.

“Me,” you softly whisper. 

Shoko stops walking and stares at you in awe, the cigarette dangling from her lips. “They asked me to come with them, Shoko,” you explain. “To join them and help them catch other wanted outlaws.”

She continues to stare at you as if trying to pull back the layers of your skin and bones and peer inside of you. You away to a nearby street lamp, watching the flame flicker in the gaslamp. 

“Well, why don’t you?” she asks. You look back to her, shocked. She shrugs, puffing on her cigarette. “They may be able to help you get to Willow Springs like you always wanted.” She gives you a reassuring smile, probably to make you feel better about not telling her the entire truth. 

At the mention of your dream, you feel an overwhelming sense of need come over you. You want that so badly: a life in Willow Springs, known for its quietness, away from the wild West and danger. Just a quiet life with a cabin by a waterfall and your own farm, ditching the Fatale Femme identity for good.

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “I don’t even know if I can trust ‘em.” 

Shoko once again shrugs and takes a final puff on her cigarette before tossing it down and crushing it under her heel. “Well, you’ve got plenty of time to think about it, but I personally think you should do it. Throw caution to the wind and let ‘em take you away from here.” 

She stares you down with her eyes, intense yet caring. “There ain’t nothin’ here for you, honey, and that’s the truth.” Then she walks off towards your apartment, leaving you standing there stunned but knowing that you’ll eventually catch up. 

Something in you tells you that her words mean more than she lets on and they follow you all the way home and into your dreams that night.

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 4 [The Ruthless Pursuit of Blood With All a Child's Demanding] - part 2/2

- [Claudia] "We do like mortals do. We fight, we eat, we laugh, we sleep, we love. And then the phone rang last night. And all the easy times stopped." - ooof. How to destroy familial domesticity: bring back the real world.

I love, love, loooove Louis' coldness and casual cruelty at his mother's wake. And looooove the family solidarity. Oh, Daddy Lou's fighting with his sister? Time to show our fangs and have his back.

- Oooh, a Lestat and Claudia scene! Dad teaching his kid all the true, important ways to make it in the world. And accidentally making her realise some things she'll never get to have, stuck as she is as a young teenager. But the blood kinda makes up for it tho.

- "Uncle Les says I gotta practice killin' both the one and the plus one at the same time, but I came away understanding something else tonight. I can't quite put it into words, but it's like something opened up in my head, in my body. I've been 18 for 7 months now, and it's time I started acting like it."

Aaaaand there it is. Happy hunting indeed. Happy until the reality hits back...

"I've lost my appetite, I can't sleep!" - welcome to hormones. Can't say I know first-hand what you're going through but good luck. Oh, no, but this is waaay too adorable. The giggling and the skipping and the flowers and the staying on the balcony waiting for Charlie to look up...

- "Everyone in my family looks younger than their age." - yeah that's one way to put it I guess.

Aaaand exit Charlie, pursued by a terrified horse. Taking this opportunity to say a lil something about how book!vampires are basically asexual in the way that their desire and pleasure express themselves through the blood, blood drinking and blood sharing. While the show being a visual media for a modern audience decided to make human sexuality also a part of vampire sexuality, all while keeping the blood as this irresistible force and the source of everything. Don't really have an opinion one way or another, except to say, please we need more asexual representation that still shows that ace people can find and express desire and pleasure outside of sexuality.

- Lestat taking on the ugly role of teaching Claudia about control and how it's hard for vampires to make lasting connections with mortals... Parenting's hard.

- [Louis] "Vivid writer, isn't she" - I'm kinda glad we don't get Claudia's own words about Charlie's death, knowing the writers they would have given us another lyrical prose that would have made us all bawl our eyes out.

The way Daniel is visibly impacted and heartbroken reading Claudia's diaries: he is deeply compassionate. And you can't read people and write about them without a certain level of compassion and even empathy. "Anne Frank meets Stephen King" indeed.

- [Louis] "Claudia was... everything." - ouch. Break my heart, won't you. It's the way Louis is physically struggling to talk about her, the way he needs the pebbles of his zen garden beneath his feet to anchor himself solidly enough to talk about her.

- "It's funnier when they fight in French. And diary, you'd think a girl whose mama died in childbirth, whose daddy gave her away to a mean old auntie who beat her 'cause no one said she couldn't, who died in a fire but came back by the blood magic of two demons, well, you'd think that girl wouldn't know what funny was. But you'd be wrong, diary. And if I told you, dumb diary, that that same girl was being raised to kill like her demon parents did, to take two souls a day so she could stay in the same flat-chested, hairless-crotched 14-year-old baby doll body as her mind and spirit turn 19, 20, 25, 63, 358, you dumb, dumb diary, I bet you'd say to anyone who'd listen 'Fun? Fun? How does she even get up in the morning?' Well, let me tell you something, you stuck-up, flower-covered, three-dollar fancy fucking paper diary, I'm doing just fine. And how do I know that? 'Cause the first man I killed called me the devil, and the last boy I killed, the last boy I'll ever love in this world, called me an angel. So that means I'm on the right path. And that means there's so much more fun out there to have. I'm just getting started."

THE INTENSITY, DAMN.

The crescendo of Claudia's voice overlayed by the music and echoed in the angrier and angrier words. Wow, I need a minute.

Between the "losing my mind in the coffin" scene, that "madwoman in the attic walking down from the attic" scene and the "the sun is a deadly laser" scene, someone needs to give Bailey several awards. And the writing team needs these awards too.

Show!Claudia actually has a backstory, not very detailed but still there, a miserable, painful human life, 14 years of misery and pain - she had a life, she had experiences before becoming a vampire; unlike book!Claudia who was 5 when she was turned, told Louis she couldn't remember her human life before being Louis and Lestat's, and doesn't have her own narration in between Louis' recollections.

Here, the addition of the diaries to the way the story is told not only allows a third party, a third perspective that's no more and no less of an unreliable narrator as Louis' voice, but it also, and I think more importantly, allows for Claudia to speak for herself. She isn't anymore just a footnote in the messy romance of Louis and Lestat. She is her own person, in her own narrative, with her own agency and life. And that's a huge difference between the two versions of Claudia: eternally-5-year-old Claudia couldn't have her own agency, no matter that she was really 40 in a child's body, because that child's body was more of a damnation, a cage, than a teenager's body. At 14 and with make-up, fashion, body language and speech, Claudia can make herself look marginally older, and thus can reclaim some of that agency, of that control. Therefore the issue comes not from the fact that Claudia needs at least one adult to have that agency by proxy, but from the fact that she might never pass for older than 18 and will be taken advantage of. As we'll soon see.

Also she was right, last boy she loved, but not last person, we stan a bisexual murder deranged queen.

And I did tell Lestat, that roof window is a structural failure.

Well, welcome to the Claudia show. That was one hell of an entrance. Crowd's seated for the next part, "Claudia goes Wild party in the Mississippi".

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | part 1 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[axewchao]

On one hand, I'm kinda mad at myself for not being able to pick a PMD Partner and stick with 'em, but on the other hand, it gives me an excuse to draw mons that aren't Dal or Dallie, so... full points? And admittedly, I had fun drawing these new faces, as well as Dorsal! I missed the little Huntkip X3

I guess I can look at it this way: if I ever decide to write a fic/comic surrounding Dal n' Val's adventures through PMD, I can use the ones that weren't chosen as background/supporting characters! Reusing for the win! :D

Now for a brief description of these four:

Emolga: An aspiring treasure hunter who longs to create the world's largest gem hoard. Good-natured at heart, but her love of gold and jewels can and will get her into trouble if no one's around to keep her in check. Despite having more than a fair share of close calls, she keeps a smile on her face as she flies toward her next goal. Her Morpeko heritage gives her a bit of mean streak that shows itself when her lucky ruby is touched without her permission.

Jangmo-o: A warrior-to-be who lacks the humility that's commonly associated with their kin, only focusing on getting stronger and little else. They had no desire to join a guild, let alone form a team with anyone, but Chief Kommo-o insisted. Partnering up with someone weaker will only serve to slow them down in the end (and get someone killed, but that's a given), so what could possibly be learned from this...?

Scorbunny: Basically Super's Partner on a sugar rush, this rabbit's unable to sit still for longer than two minutes. Whether it's running or tunneling, this bun bun is going a mile a minute, purely because they have tons more energy than they know what to do with. Of course, going in blind will lead to trouble sooner or later, so this little one's gonna need a whole guild's worth of Pokémon to reel 'em in...

Mudkip: It's our dear friend Dorsal! ...who I only drew once before :'D A lonely little Huntkip whose dream is to become a great Rescuer; someone that can be depended on in times of crisis, having been inspired by a Rescue Team that saved his life years prior. But because Dorsal's inherited traits make him look like a hungry predator and scares people, he can't work up the nerve to sign up at a guild...

The first three mons have yet to be named, and the Jangmo-o and Scorbunny's genders have yet to be determined! Yet another thing I struggle with: picking the Partner's gender, even though it means jack shit with a side of fuck all gameplay-wise :'D

[isahotskii]

Here's the full (short) animatic I posted on my IG! 💖✨ LORE AND CONTEXT BELLOW!💖

The video is muted here due to copyright! But you can check out the reel with music on my IG (@isahotskii on all my social media!)👁️✨

Here's little bit of context so you get the idea of my OC's and their lore!

In my story, people seem to start becoming what I call "mutants" (that's how I usually address them).

Mutants are (mostly) human creatures with different types of abilities, but, mutants are also mindless beings with the only desires to destroy and kill whatever is in front of them.

My characters are what could be known as "half mutants", they have the abilities of a mutant, but they still conserve their consciousness, their memories, feelings, etc.

👁️Kaalich is known as a Tryclops. (Kinda like a cyclops, but with three eyes instead of one) He is able to increase his size at will as well as return back to his normal size, since he is not 100% a mutant.

👁️Megumi also has an ability, she's able to manipulate her own body in inhumane ways, as well as manipulating other's (this last ability is still very difficult for her to control).

In this particular animatic, I wanted to share a scenario of a scene I had in mind, and adapting it to an audio ("Noel's Lament from the musical Ride the Cyclone).

Kaalich and Megumi are having a normal date, they later walk home when all of a sudden they get attacked from behind, forcing Kaal to use his ability, which he is not able to control at all just yet! That's why we can see Megumi being grateful for his efforts in helping her.

✨ Writing all of our OC's lore, story, and comic ideas down. ✨

[utsuboh]

👫uwu

after enough time, jade grows comfortable flying with mya. comfortable! and even begins to enjoy doing so. he trusts her, and knows with confidence that she wouldn't drop him. it's enough that jade actually becomes a bit better about flying on his own even. able to get his broom confidently up a few feet-- instead of a measly two or three off the ground. he still struggles though to go any higher... but it is definitely an improvement from before!!

jade is very forward with mya, he kinda feels he has to be. there isn't really a need or desire to manipulate her for any gain. he just enjoys her company, and relishes in the opportunity he has to be himself. she's mostly unfazed by who jade really is, when he isn't wearing another face for the sake of his dorm. there isn't much of a filter, when sharing his interests, or his opinions. and he's not shy at all about showing mya his hobby- or the things he's growing in the greenhouse.

at some point, jade buys mya a waterproof camera. it's pretty obvious she enjoys taking photos. that she likes having physical proof of a time she enjoyed. it comes up after she mentions wanting to capture his mer form for her keepsakes. so he gets her something to snap photos of him when he takes mya to see some of his favorite spots to swim.

he encourages her in a lot of ways. that it's fine to take her true form, or to show parts of it around him. that she doesn't need to put on any kind of front to be more 'human'. and even encourages her pursuit for revenge. jade definitely believes in 'an eye for an eye'. and would feed into her desire to hunt and kill whoever she needs to. because why shouldn't she? honestly, they feed into one another in such a way-- they become both better and worse.

bonus: jade's cute aggression is taken very well by mya. he bites and squeezes and tugs at her when he feels like it. which, she actually dishes out in kind. again, it makes him feel more comfortable being himself. doing what he'd normally do without a dozen filters and whatnot.

bonus 2: unlike the compliments he dishes out to others. the ones he gives mya hold a lot more weight-- and he gives her a lot of them. he loves her red hair, loves her scales, and her tail. there's just a whole lot to compliment here, and he does so often!!!! very very very often!!!

send a 👫and I’ll write four headcanons abt our muses / NOT accepting

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic ��� /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[tuffduff]

We Could Be Real (Axl Rose x Reader)

Pairing: Axl Rose x Reader

Words: 1,763

Request: @rumyapricotprincess:  Hi can you write axl x reader where they are best friends but he has secretly liked her and when she has a heart break because of a random guy he consoles her and eventually she learns his feeling?:))

A/N: Thank you for this request hun, I love this prompt! I actually quite like how this turned out, I hope y’all do too!  🖤🖤🖤

Taglist: @ubernoxa​ @the--blackdahlia​ @reigns420​ @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker​

“Y/N? Say something, you’re fucking scaring me.” You sniffled again against the receiver pressed to your ear, your hand over your mouth in a desperate effort to hold back the tears before they started. You were so lost it hurt to breathe, and your only instinct was to call your best friend. But once his voice actually came through, you couldn’t get a single word out. “Hold the fuck up, are you crying?” Axl demanded when a small audible sob escaped you. “It was that motherfucking son of a bitch, wasn’t it? I’ll be there in five minutes.” The dial tone met your ears. You stood in place for a moment, your head spinning by how quickly the night had taken a turn for the worst. 

Knowing Axl was probably getting close, you walked out the front door to your apartment and sat down on the steps outside your door. Underneath the amber glow of the nearby streetlights, you watched a few teardrops stain the concrete before quickly drying in the summer heat, your chin resting in your hands. Already, the pain was beginning to leave and now all you felt was a tired emptiness.

“Are you trying to get taken by someone now?” Axl’s gentle but stern voice made you look up. When he saw your face, it looked as though two emotions were fighting for the right to control his features; his jaw clenched visibly and fury burned in his eyes. “Y/N, he isn’t worth your tears.” His voice, though, was tender and low. He climbed up the steps and sat down next to you and put his arm over your shoulders, pulling you closer to him. The smell of cigarettes comforted you and you watched your tears leave drops on his jeans now.

“I know he isn’t. But you still feel stupid when someone cheats on you.” Axl stiffened next to you, but his hand on your shoulder remained light.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He decided.

“He isn’t worth the prison sentence.” You sniffed. “But now it’s just...I feel so dumb. I’m embarrassed of myself. I knew I should’ve ended it a long time ago; I never should’ve given him a chance to begin with. Go ahead and say ‘I told you so.’” You said to Axl.

When you started dating this new guy, you and Axl had actually gotten into an argument over it. Axl had told you he was just a man whore and it was only a matter of time until he cheated. You and Axl didn’t talk for nearly a month because of it. And over what? A cheating idiot, just like Axl predicted. All that time wasted all because a naive part of you didn’t want to believe it and wanted to think that you were different.

“It’s not like I wanted you to get hurt.” Axl finally responded. “I just had a feeling about him.”

“Yeah, well, I’m the idiot for thinking I was something special.” You shared your thoughts with Axl. “That I was actually different.”

“Hey,” Axl scolded you now, reaching out and grabbing your shoulders to turn you towards him. “You are special. Why do you think I got so pissed when you said you were giving that fucker a chance?”

“Obviously, I’m not, or I wouldn’t have gotten cheated on.”

“That’s all on that dumb fuck, it has nothing to do with you!” Axl yelled, shades of his notorious temper driving his voice louder with passion. You frowned at him now, watching as he shook his head with annoyance, the way someone would when a fly buzzed by too many times. “Y/N, you’re so fucking special it scares me.” 

“What do you mean?” You murmured quietly. A long silence hung in the air between the two of you, the only sound filling the air were the nighttime crickets and distant cars on a busier street with the occasional honk.

Axl finally snorted, maybe at whatever thought he currently had, before he shook his head again and idling pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “You’re one of those girls that...anyone with sense can see he’s in deep shit when he looks at you. It’s like, oh fuck. Goner. It’s like, one look in those eyes and you start imagining, you know, that kinda life that people only hope for. House, kids, the picket fence, the shiny ring. Peace.” His voice was low, much gentler than his prickling barbs of anger just moments prior. Contemplative, fleeting, wispy thoughts that almost felt as though you weren’t even supposed to be hearing. He pulled the lighter from his pocket and finally lit the cigarette that had been dangling between his lips. “You’re one of those girls that becomes a song, a fantasy. You keep singing it every night, living out that daydream and before you know it, ten—twenty years pass and then you go, damn. She was really something special. Maybe I could’ve actually had that.” Finally, he looked at you as he blew out a big cloud of smoke before he offered the cigarette to you.

Normally, you didn’t smoke, but the night seemed to call for it and you took a shaky drag. You coughed slightly and became aware of the tears now just a halfway dry trail on your face, and Axl’s blurry shape in your peripheral vision. You passed the cigarette back to him.

“You sound like you’re speaking from personal experience.” You finally replied carefully, turning to see his reaction.

“Yeah, well.” He shrugged a little as his eyes studied the empty road in front of you, before he gave you sideways look and something of a half-smirk. “Ever since I laid eyes on you.”

You thought about the implication of his words, no, the confession within them. You thought about your own memory of the first time you met Axl, already a shooting star, already something special even if the rest of the world didn’t quite know it yet. From the very beginning, he always felt like something unobtainable, so you tried your best not to ever entertain the thought. But, now, this? Axl, fantasizing about a domestically blissful life with you?

“Axl...why didn’t you ever tell me?” Your heartbreak was nearly forgotten now, but the spinning delirium from before was back as the landscape of your life began shifting. If you woke up back in your room in a minute, that would make more sense than the jumble of reality in front of you.

Axl shrugged again, looking down at the ground.

“It’s not like girls like that—a girl like you—is ever gonna be happy with someone like me. That’s not how the fairytales work. I’ve got a lot of baggage, I’ve been through stupid shit, you know that. I’ve got more in common with strippers and the homeless guy I passed on my way here.”

“Oh yeah?” You challenged now. “Because I’m pretty sure next to my coworkers, you’re the person I spend most of my time with. If we have nothing in common, how come we never run out of things to talk about? How can we talk for hours about dreams and if they’re worth it and if we think God is real and how much our parents suck if there’s nothing in common? Or is that something you chat about with the strippers too?” He stood up, now looking at you defensively.

“Hey, it’s not like I’m the only one keeping shitty company, need I remind you about what happened tonight; you weren’t ever interested! I’m not gonna say something stupid and then lose you over it!”

“Axl..!” You groaned in exasperation, standing too. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about you and I, how many times I’ve had to stop myself, how many times I’ve had to tell myself no. Because you’re you. You’re Axl Rose, you could have anyone...” he shook his head.

“The more people I meet, the more I realize they’re all the same, and it all just…circles back to you.” He stared at you outright, facing you head on. “We all just want something real, at the end of the day.” You stared back at him.

“Real.” You whispered, your eyes trailing upwards to look at your apartment building and the stars in the sky over it. “Remember when you put my address down when you applied at that shitty record store? It was literally maybe three days after we first met.” You heard Axl chuckle a little. You still got his mail, even though he had moved into his own place, a nice house, the first place he had ever owned. “Axl, you’re my best friend, and I love you—"

“I get it, Y/N.” Axl muttered. When you looked away from the stars and back to him, he was already walking down the steps to leave. “You don’t have to say it, I already know what you’re gonna say; I don’t want to ruin the friendship either. That’s why I always kept my mouth shut.” He just kept walking down the steps, away from you, as he spoke. “I’ll just go, I’ll give you a few days—” 

You took the steps by two down after him and grabbed him by his shoulders to turn him around and press your lips against his.

After a moment, he began kissing you back, his hands latching into your hair like a clip. And for the first time, with your heart fluttering in a dizzy euphoria frenzy, you allowed yourself to freely imagine it, unrestrained. Kissing these lips when you felt like it, forever if you wanted. Turning in bed and slipping into the mold of his body, having his comfort on every bad day. You with him, you and him, that untouchable idea no longer just a figment of your strongest desires.

“You were putting words in my mouth.” You finally said breathlessly as you pulled back.

“You were putting something else in mine.” Axl teased, and you laughed, leaning your forehead against his.

“We don’t have to ruin this.” You told him, growing serious again and peaking up into his eyes through your eyelashes. “We can have this; it doesn’t have to be a daydream.” Axl was holding his breath, maybe out of fear, maybe out of nervousness. You wrapped your arms around his neck in an effort to convince him of your words. “If we want it, we can.”

Finally, he locked his arms around your waist and kissed your cheek. “I want you.” He agreed. “I’ve always wanted this.”

[demxters]

Three Times

sarah cameron x female!reader 

summary: the three times john b tries to make a move on sarah cameron, your girlfriend...

requested: kind of? anon asked for any sarah cameron fic if i was planning on posting my writing on here 

word count: 1.9k

warnings: swearing 

a/n: my first sarah cameron imagine! i kinda liked how this turned out and hopefully you guys do too :) 

(gif credit @rue-bennett​) 

*** 

Sarah has come to you countless times about John B’s blatant flirting. You were more amused than upset if you were being honest. You and Sarah have been in a secret relationship for over a month now. The desire to keep your relationship a secret was shared amongst you both for you weren’t sure how your families would react to the news. You were both already walking on thin ice with your parents for hanging out with the Pogues. Sneaking kisses when no one was looking and teasing under the table gave you two such a rush that you didn’t mind keeping it a secret a little longer. That was until John B tried making a move on Sarah. 

The first time it happened... You and Sarah were spending another summer day out with the Pogues in the marsh, swimming, smoking, and drinking, your usual shenanigans. You were laying on the bow of the boat sunbathing and admiring your girlfriend swimming with the Pogues from afar. Sarah saw you staring and swam up to the front of the boat. 

“Hey you,” she said with a grin. “Join us for a swim, you look like you're burning up here.” 

You let out a laugh, “I’m good thanks. Besides, I was just enjoying the view.” You send Sarah a smirk as you lower your sunglasses down the bridge of your nose, your gaze meeting hers. 

“Shut up,” Sarah says while rolling her eyes as if she’s annoyed, but you could tell she was trying to suppress a smile from the blush on her cheeks. She splashes you with some water, the sudden cold causing you to shoot up from laying down and you shrivel into yourself. 

“Jeez! The water’s cold…” You playfully glare at Sarah and sit up to fold the towel you were laying on. “I hate you.” 

“C’mon Y/N, you don’t mean that,” Sarah giggles using her forearms to push herself up so you are both at each other's eye level, slightly leaning in. 

You begin to lean in as well but right before your lips touch hers, she leans up to press a kiss onto your nose before dunking herself back in the water and swimming away. “Sarah Cameron you tease!” you exclaim. 

Sarah lets out a laugh as she swims away. 

___

The sun began to set as the Pogues make their way back to the boat.  

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ greats as he pulls himself onto the boat. “Pass me a beer please?” 

“You got it Maybank.” You pop open the cooler that’s placed beside you and toss him a can of beer. 

Pope and Kie get onto the boat not long after him and you find yourself so engrossed in a conversation about saving the environment and college scholarships that you don’t notice Sarah and John B getting back onto the boat as well. 

The sound of John B’s laugh pulls you out of your conversation with Pope and Kiara and you glance over at him to see him cozying up to your girlfriend. John B is sitting so close to Sarah that his leg is pressed up against hers. Sarah turns to you and gives you a small look that screams, ‘Help!’. You giggle and shake your head, but when you see John B place his hand on Sarah’s bare thigh you abruptly stand up causing everyone to look at you in shock and confusion. You just clear your throat and walk over to John B and Sarah, plopping yourself in between them. “Sarah, can you re-tie my bikini top? It feels like it’s getting loose,” you say moving your hair to your front and facing John B. You send him a small smile to which he looks down at his feet. 

“All done,” Sarah says with a look of amusement on her face. 

“Thanks, babe,” you say, patting her cheek with your hand before returning back to your spot next to Pope and Kie, leaving a dumbfounded John B and smiling Sarah in your wake. 

The second time it happened… You and the gang were watching movies at the Chateau. It was a weekly tradition to have a movie night every Friday. Tonight’s movie was ‘Scream.’ You were in the kitchen popping some popcorn while everyone else was situating themselves in the living room. 

“JJ get your feet out of my face!” Kiara says as she continues to slap JJ’s leg. 

Pope moves in beside Kie and puts an arm around her shoulder as he laughs at the two. 

Sarah places herself on the floor placing her blanket in your spot. Seeing that Sarah is sitting on the floor, John B offers Sarah a spot next to him on the loveseat. 

“It’s ok John B. Y/N/N and I are ok sitting on the floor,” she responds without even sparing him a second glance. 

John B stands up and sits on the other side of Sarah, puts his arm around her and says, “Well I can’t have you two ladies sitting here by yourselves.” To which Sarah gives him a nervous chuckle. 

With the popcorn bowl in hand, you make your way into the living room announcing, “Who wants some popcorn?” 

A chorus of “me’s” and a loud “yes!” from JJ greets you as you give the bowl to Kiara and take your seat next to Sarah, noticing that John B was seated on her other side. 

“How come no one wants to sit on the loveseat?” you ask, noticing its vacancy. 

“Well, I offered Sarah a spot but she said she was just gonna sit on the floor with you, so I decided it wasn’t fair to have the loveseat all to myself while you ladies were on the floor,” John B says nonchalantly. 

“Oh, well John B do you mind if me and Sarah take the loveseat instead then? I’m sure they can make some room for you on the couch, right guys?” you ask, giving Kiara a look. 

“Yeah, definitely,” Kie responds. “JJ, scoot over.”

“What? But I was laying down here-” JJ cuts off as Kiara hits him on the arm. “Ow, ok fine I’m moving,” He grumbles as he sits back up.

“C’mon,” you whisper to Sarah grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the loveseat.

John B gives Sarah one last look of longing before sitting down next to JJ on the couch. 

“Is someone jealous?” Sarah asks softly in her spot next to you. She pokes your side under the blanket causing you to let out a small giggle. 

“No, and stop that. I just think John B needs to learn the definition of personal space.” You grab her finger when she tries to poke you again and lace your fingers through hers. 

Sarah glances back down at your intertwined hands that are under the blanket and turns to the tv screen with flushed cheeks and a smile on her face. 

The third time it happened… You were waiting for Sarah and Kie at the wreck with the boys. Sitting at your usual table, you were munching on some fries while the boys were having a little conversation of their own. 

“Why don’t you just tell her, man? Maybe she just thinks you're being overly affectionate like you are with the rest of us,” you hear JJ say. 

“Or she could just like someone else guys, you never know.” Pope replies. 

“No, I know, but it can’t hurt to try, right?” John B asks. 

Their conversation suddenly piques your interest so you ask, “Can’t hurt to try what?” 

“Nothing,” John B says as Pope says at the same time, “Ask Sarah out.” 

“Oh,” is all you say before continuing to eat your fries. 

“What do you think I should do Y/N? I mean has she told you if she likes anyone? Or has she ever mentioned me before?” John B asks with a desperate look in his eyes. 

You feel kind of bad as you look at John B knowing he has no chance with her so you say, “She’s mentioned how great of a friend you are? She hasn’t said anymore than that.” You pause. “Oh, and she also has her eye on someone else.” 

“Yikes dude you just got friendzoned,” JJ says. Pope lets out a low whistle. 

Sarah and Kie enter The Wreck and move towards your table. 

“Hey guys, sorry we’re late,” Sarah says taking a seat next to you. 

“S’no problem,” Pope says, making room for Kiara. 

“Hey Sarah, can I talk to you for a second?” John B asks. 

God this boy is stubborn as hell, you think. 

Sarah responds, “Um, yeah sure. What about?” 

John B scratches the back of his neck. “Can we talk alone?” 

“Oh, ok,” Sarah says, her face falling. “We’ll be back in a sec, guys.”

You get a sick feeling in your gut as you realize what’s about to happen. John B is going to try to ask Sarah out and you can’t say anything about it. You were getting so tired of John B constantly hitting on your girlfriend that you couldn’t continue being silent, so you did the unimaginable. As Sarah got up from her seat, you grabbed her hand and said, “That’s fine, babe just be quick.” You pulled her down to your level and planted a quick kiss on her lips. 

John B says, “Um, what?” while JJ mutters, “Holy shit dude.” Kie slow claps and Pope lets out an, “It’s about time!” 

Sarah looks shocked at first before giving you an incredulous look and kisses you again. This time, you stand up and she cups your face with her hands. Sarah pulls away, her face bright red and her eyes full of love. “Y/N’s my girlfriend,” she whispers to no one in particular, still looking at you. She grabs both of your hands in hers and turns to John B and the rest of the group as she confidently says, “Y/N’s my girlfriend.” 

You smile and shyly put your head down, a little nervous to know how the Pogues would react. 

Pope smiles and says, “We know, Sarah.” 

“Wha-you know?” 

“Yeah, Pope, you know?” John B adds. 

“Yes, we know, dumbass,” Kie responds. “Pope and I figured it out a couple weeks ago. The way the two look at each other, call each other pet names, and are always leaving our get togethers early should’ve been your first clue.” 

“Shit, guys,” John B says with a guilty look on his face. “If I had known-” 

“John B,” you cut him off, “It’s ok.” You let go of Sarah’s hands and walk over to John B. You grab his hand and say, “I’m sorry we kept this a secret from you, from all of you actually,” you acknowledge the rest of the group. “We just didn’t know how to tell you and our parents,” you pause before continuing, “our parents would kill us if they found out.” 

“It’s ok, I get it,” John B says. He runs his hand through his hair still in shock. 

“Don’t worry John,” you say squeezing his hand lightly, “There’s so many other girls out there and you’re such a great guy that I’m sure you’ll find the one for you someday.” 

You pull John B in for a hug and he whispers to you, “Thanks, Y/N.” 

“So, you two have sex yet?” 

“JJ!” you and Sarah exclaim. 

John B pulls away from you. “Way to ruin the moment, man.” 

[docholligay]

A Silent Voice--Koe no Kitachi

This movie has come up a couple times for Eight Days and various other things I’ve done, which was basically all I knew about it, until it was sponsored as a one-off by @iscahwynn. The first time I watched the movie, I felt a lot of ways about it at once. It was certainly one of the most interesting “anime movies” that had ever been recommended to me, and had a capacity and quality of humanity that I really didn’t expect going into it. 

As always, non-spoilery review leads, spoilers under the cut. 

A Silent Voice, (Which is called The Shape of Voice on my subs) if you read the blurb, is about a boy trying to make restitution for a deaf girl he bullied horrendously in elementary school. That’s a fair assessment, but I also don’t think it’s a complete one. The movie is really about the nature of alienation and friendship, and how a lot of lonely people have at least some culpability for that loneliness. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say I liked it. I had some issues with it that I’ll go into in the longer spoiler review, but being as its on Netflix right now, if you have any interest in seeing it, I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all. 

I”m not going to go through a play by play of the film itself, I figure if you’re reading this you’re familiar with the general narrative of the film and I’m not super interested in padding this out for the mere word count.  

Also, the main character’s names are really similar: Shoko and Shoyo, so I’m going to call Shoyo by his patronymic, Ishida, for clarity. 

You feel, or at least this viewer felt, nothing but sadness and frustration for poor Shoko, who did nothing but have the audacity to show up at school. One thing I think this movie does an excellent job with is showing how resentment creeps in over the most minor of accommodations. We see at first, the kids be taken in by the novelty of writing in Shoko’s notebook in order to accommodate her and talk to her. Then we see it turn annoying, when she wants to be brought into conversations on a regular basis, and they don’t want to do that. It turns to hatred and resentment, as it gets easier and easier to simply ignore her or make fun of her. When a teacher comes in to teach them some sign language at ten minutes a day, for all but one student, this is too much effort for them to make. 

It escalates with Ishida himself repeatedly yanking her hearing aids out of her ears and throwing them out of the window, into the trash, etc, at one point ripping them out with such force that her ear bleeds. His punishment for this cruelty is essentially that his mother has to pay back, or choose to pay back, all the money lost for the hearing aids to Shoko’s mother, but on a more personal level, his classmates, actually faced with consequences, turn on him and implicate him as the sole actor in all of the cruelty aimed toward Shoko. 

And I’m fine with him reaping the whirlwind, let’s not mistake that, but I do have one compelling question: 

There are 106 schools for the D/deaf in Japan, and you couldn’t put your child into one of them? I have no idea if Japan has any equivalent of the ADA whatsoever, and the internet seems to suggest that the rights and education of D/deaf people in Japan is pretty woeful, but this really annoyed the shit out of me. I mean, I’m supposed to feel for Shoko, so I suppose that didn’t detract from what the movie wanted to do in that right, but man did it make me irritated with every single adult involved. 

I think some of the most interesting things that come out of the movie are the ways in which it deals with depersonalization and isolation. 

After we see Ishida’s fall from grace, if you will, when in middle school, people are (rightly) told that he’s a bully. People don’t want to be around him, and while, again, I do not feel particularly sorry for him, there’s definitely something deeply human and deeply disturbing about the way they make him the pariah of it all, even though they were mostly all involved in treating Shoko cruelly, or at the very least, at a distance. It’s easier to believe that it was Ishida’s sin specifically, and that they bear no responsibility for their part in the cruelty toward her. 

When this happens, by the time we meet up with him, we see that he sees the world of people with the letter X across their faces, as a sign that he no longer thinks of them as people, more like objects or happenings that are best to be avoided. He goes so far as to say that he never looks anyone in the face anymore. Its a very visually powerful way of showing how Ishida, when he is hurt, walls himself off in the world, while, even when we see Shoko later, there’s no indication that she has done such (Though admittedly, the vast majority of the movie is through the eyes of Ishida) 

It isn’t until Ishida defends Nagatsuka, a fat kid with curly hair, from getting his bike stolen by giving his up as an option instead, that he begins to see people in any different way. And it isn’t even in the moment that he does something, but when Nagatsuka returns his bike, found in a rice field, that the x falls away from his face and he begins to see someone as a fully realized human. A cynical viewer, who might be me, would see this as an acknowledgement that Ishida’s problem is not seeing people outside of their relationship to and treatment of him. That it is only with returned kindness that he can see Nagatsuka as human, defending him only because he recalls the shame of having been so cruel to Shoko. 

Which I actually don’t have a problem with! I think it would go fairly far to show that he’s learned something from the Shoko situation, for him to expect no inkling of humanity but still be so desirous to remove that shame that he acts anyway. I just don’t know if that’s the intention of the narrative, even having seen it several times now. 

“Friendship lies somewhere beyond things like words and logic” is one of the best lines from the movie, and I think it does a fairly good job of doing that as it calls up a large group from the past. It’s complicated, because I actually thought the group aspect was very interesting, particularly the incident on the bridge where Ishida, every fairly, tells each of them how they failed, what their personal sin is, and he isn’t wrong! The first time I watched it, I found myself screaming at it, the reckoning of this responsibility finally shared. 

But the downside of all of these characters is that the focus on Shoko and Ishida, as well as any real development of feelings and forgiveness between them, feels very rushed. We get to the end of the story, with Ishida having saved Shoko’s life and hurting himself in the process. SO much emotional and character development gets laid down in a five minute scene, and while the scene itself does lend a lot of strength to the characters for that, I found myself more frustrated that we couldn’t have seen this sooner, and come out over time. Unfortunately the time with the ancillary characters feels a bit wasted, given what ends up being sacrificed for it. 

Some parts of the movie are tricky for me to fully allow myself to fall into, at best. It’s particularly difficult for me to see Ishida as a huge victim given the exceptional level of his cruelty to Shoko, and if he really only pays until he’s in high school, while that may play as “forever” to a younger audience, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for his plight. This isn’t following him to his damn job. Maybe I’m a jackass, and that’s why I can’t go with it in the way the film seems to want me to, or maybe it’s that I was also horrifically bullied to the point of tears as a child, and I do not feel any particular sadness for the ways in which some of my own bullies were socially punished in high school. I don’t want him to kill himself, I want him to be better, and honestly the movie could have really really worked for me if we just saw the developing of his friendship with Nagatsuka and his turning into a better, softer person. This kind of goes into what I was talking about earlier--in a two hour movie, there just isn’t the time for all the side characters as well as the full development of the mains. We would have been better off just having Ishida, Shoko, and Nagatsuka. I fell you could have told a quite complete story with that. I think if those three characters had been more carefully written, I could have ADORED this movie, instead of the middle place I end up with in it. 

But instead we come to the question of Shoko. I kinda suck my teeth at Shoko’s treatment in the film. Her open hearted kindness was heart-breaking as a child, the way she just wanted to be friends and she still had that belief that it could all work if she just did as adults told her and was NICE, and it’s extremely effective.  But when we get to the high school Shoko and we’re still meant to see her as being this very mild, very apologetic, very sad person with no friends...it stops being a tragedy of the character individually and starts being a way of writing a disabled character as someone for our protagonist to act upon. Shoko is never really given her own moment of anger for herself, her own rich life outside of Ishida and the friends he brings to her. We don’t see her thoughts except as they relate to Ishida. We’re meant to believe she has no one outside of her sister when Ishida decides to reconnect with her, a tragedy of convenience that allows Ishida’s “work” to be valuable to more than just him. Even her own sorrow and suicide attempt seem to have so much more to do with the further of Ishida’s character than the oppressive social forces that have conspired against Shoko. 

And we ALMOST get there. The end conversation between the two of them, where he says he understood her in ways that were convenient for him, and that because of that he failed to see her own pain and isolation, is amazing. Great, and I wish it would have come sooner and that we could have had some real payoff from that conversation that showed their relationship deepening in a way that served both Shoko and Ishida. But it comes at the tail end, and the “solution” we get all has to do with Ishida and his embracing of humanity, which I want, but not at the expense of Shoko’s character, who I liked very much and longed for a richer treatment of. 

The romantic element between them is frustrating. Not only because he was her very very overt bully, I might even go so far as to say abuser, but because it feels so tiresome when the movie clearly has bigger fish to fry, and in many ways, does fry them!  It doesn’t help that it is like quite a few things, painfully rushed, and when she falls for him, it’s left to the viewer to supply your own reasons that don’t quite make sense. It adds a layer to the story that I personally felt it did not need, even as cute as I find Shoko’s little flappy legs on the bed when she has her head buried in a pillow after trying to confess to Ishida, but he can’t understand what she’s saying. 

Basically, I think this movie watches better once. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say about anything, but the first time I saw this, I didn’t notice so keenly some of the things that niggled at me later. I think it’s pretty fucking enjoyable, in the one shot, to be honest! I think it’s an ambitious movie that is, at its best, trying to say something about the nature of bullying and that it not only harms the bullied but the bully themselves. And in some ways, I think it has absolutely brilliant moments with that, and reflections on the nature of friendship and what it takes.  But I think some of that ambition falls through, and feels a bit flat, when taken on the whole. 

Have you seen it? What did you think? 

[ribinapan]

meteorgazing

hello everybody here is an original piece of writing i was kinda proud of bc im trying to post on social media more.

prompt - aliens receive signals from Us (as in the US)

they are from proxima b and i will give more worldbuilding info if yall interested ok here we go :’)

--

one - meteorgazing

---------------------------------------------

notes -

opi - (two earth days)

rings - (eleven earth days)

---------------------------------------------

We get a lot of meteors.

Reason 50678 the surface isn’t safe-- no atmosphere means no pushback. Rocks hurtling from the sky aren’t quite uncommon. There’s not much damage to anything but what they hit. Of course, while it’s scary to watch, it doesn’t do much but cause a roofquake-- a rumbling beginning from the Seeing Dome to the rest of the tunnels. There’s been some incidents, some injuries and some deaths- like everything, it’s something swept away as a horrible- but normal- natural disaster, and most of the time it’s not much more than a little shiver. Really. People in the city at the time tend to gather just to watch. There’s something memorizing about watching a hurtling ball of rock slam into the face of our planet at high speeds while completely ablaze.

Even with the commonplace activity of gathering in the center of the city to watch space rocks fall dangerously close to our Seeing Dome, however, I never thought we would go so far as to make a surface dome just to watch one of the biggest showers yet to date. It was dangerous enough as is-- really, it was-- so I wasn’t particularly interested to watch in any case- yes, a little bit curious about it, but the feeling was quickly stomped out by fear and replaced with a sense of resignation. There was always Holowatch-- a projected hologram from your home holodevice to show you the news-- mostly surface stuff, or from City Twenty, where the biggest political station we had throughout the cluster of cities was placed.

But then there was Ama. Ama, with his bright eyes and his huge grin, practically shivering with excitement as he rushed me in line to get a ticket. We didn’t have enough money for the usual, so he entered us into contests basically any chance he got-- I wasn’t worried, and no way by all the gods would they curse me so much by--

“Elli! I got it-- look, I got two!” Tickets waved in the air for the first ever surface dome built specifically for watching meteor showers in our tunnel, I felt my heart sink as I made eye contact with Ama, beaming more than I had ever seen before.

There was something about Ama and his excitement that just pulled you in and shoved away your rationality. The way he smiled made you feel like you had to do anything to preserve it-- maybe because it was so hard to get him like this, maybe because love blinds you to even the stupidest of ideas. I flattened my sweatshirt against my chest nervously and grinned back, taking my ticket out of his hand. Three rings until disaster and we had free tickets to watch.

For the next three rings, every opi I woke up to a message about strange noises coming from a sector we call Terra, holding a planet that astronomers deemed safest and most habitable for intelligent life like us. Or about giant meteor showers. Or about how rare we are to get huge rocks falling from the sky hurtling at the surface in a desperate attempt to show us the way to our doom and them staying the size they do. And it was adorable, really. Usually it was me, and usually it was seventy messages about something boring from me, and so with a sense of duty I read everything Ama sent and poured as much excitement into a response as I could. 

We’re going to die! Screamed my brain, but by the sun god was I dumb enough to be happy to go along with it.

We weren’t the only tunnel with a surface dome ready for the watching, either. City Twenty had the biggest, and far on the other side of the Habitation Line was 9296- the longest lasting surface dome with even a small bit of surface travellers living on it. Of course, they had underground homes to sleep in, but they spent most of their waking hours up on the surface. Everyone knew about it, and Ama swore he wanted to be one of them one day. I wondered how it’d feel to be watching this from there-- normal? Did they see meteor showers all the time? Were they afraid it might hit the dome every time they saw one screeching towards them faster than an Aquatrain? Not for the first time and definitely not for the last, I closed my eyes to sleep before we went up to our tunnel’s first surface dome with only one thought, an absolute certainty: oh my gods, we’re going to die.

When I woke up, I found myself wandering to Ama’s home with an even stronger sense of resignation and a desire to not be alone with it. Immediately upon arrival, I was met with the most excited four-eyed gaze I’ve ever been locked in-- and there it went again, I knew I was going to do this and be just fine with it.

His chatter continued, rising as the time got closer to head up to the surface dome, and often I found myself opening my mouth to share a fact just to keep him going.

“Did you know space tastes like rubusberries?” I heard myself saying, “Do you think the rocks taste like that, too?” He stopped for a moment, frozen on the sidewalk on our way to the train to the surface dome just to stare at me. Bubbling up with laughter, he tossed his head forward in a snort,

“Are you planning to taste the meteor, Elli?” My face heated up in embarrassment, but I bit my tongue and then shot back a response. “Maybe! I mean, it’s good research! A lot of things can be identified through taste!” “Local child just up and dies because they went outside to taste a space-rock.” “At least I’d know if it tasted like rubusberries!”

Rubusberries stayed the topic for a bit longer, the topic clinging to our tongues until it faded away into excited shivering as we stepped in line for the train. It hit me like a solar flare, making me bubble with anticipation that I really was excited, too- I wanted to see it, and I wanted to see Ama see it. The voice screaming ‘we’re going to die!’ finally dulled down to a whisper in the back of my mind.

Hey, at least it’ll be interesting.

Once on the aquatrain, I watched the train-tunnel fill with water as Ama listened to the rest of the train’s quiet, excited chatter. My hands gripped the edges of my seat as I watched it slowly bubble up above my window, bracing myself for the kickback of the train shooting through the water. It was interesting technology, really, but the amount of malfunctions I’d read about had me uneasy every time I was on one. One glance at Ama told me he didn’t as much as I did- if at all- so I bit my tongue and watched as the train suddenly lurched forward, shooting through the water and up towards the surface.

Here we go.

Suddenly, there was a chaotic ball of energy at my shoulder, pressing his hand against the window as we watched ourselves shoot up towards the danger, up towards new experiences and life on the surface yet to come.

“It’s funny we’re going full circle. Surface to underground to surface.” I murmured.

“Now we know what we’re doing. We hadn’t evolved enough before. The sun god knew we’d kill ourselves up there.” He replied simply, and the casual tone of his voice made me choke on laughter.

“Then why are we going up there now?” “To prove him wrong out of spite!” Cheered Ama, leaning over me to press both hands against the window. “Look, there it is!”

Look I did, and like he said, there it was. A giant, metallic door that looked unopenable by any number of Centaurians, and yet it slid open and let the water slosh to the side as the train pressed forward and through it, coming to land and slide against the top of the tunnel as we made our way to the surface dome entrance.

I won’t lie. I screamed.

“Elli. Elli, we’re fine! This is how trains work! Elli!” Climbing the rest of the way to the entrance was much less scary, as there were stairs and stairs are solid and won’t explode under too much water pressure, certainly since there’s no water. A muffled voice boomed over speakers we couldn’t see, giving us directions we couldn’t hear-- and then the crowd started moving, so we followed. Metallic doors that looked a little more manageable by Centaurian hands slid open with a slow, painful screech in front of us- and there it was, above the slope we were climbing: another Seeing Dome. This one above the tunnels.

Ama basically squealed-- and as I was jerked away from the line by excited hands, we pushed our way to the front as Ama stared at the stars above us. Closer than ever now, our feet hit red dust and we looked up to see the sky now only separated by a dome and not red rock all around us. It felt scarily empty-- up here, there were no tall walls or caves all around us. From every angle, there was sky.

“This is literally amazing.” He breathed beside me. “Yeah.” I said back with much less air, absolutely slammed by a feeling of sheer surrealism. You could see so far-- the dark line and the light line, where the heat and cold gods warred from afar. The horizon was much more beautiful in person than in pictures.

“Elli, look!” We were now the only people standing by the entrance, the others wandering to the edges of the Seeing Dome to get a better look. To my absolute dismay, however, what should’ve been the safest spot to stand-- right beside the exit-- was where a small meteor was heading, sending itself straight at us. 

Ama watched it with wide eyes. I watched it with a wince. It was beautiful-- it really was, watching them streak the sky, and the surface, and our Safety Dome, but watching it hit with a Clank! still gave me a shiver.

Wait.

Wrinkling my nose as I squinted up at it, I tugged Ama’s hand as my feet began to move on their own. Following it as the burning ball of-- well, whatever it was, slid towards an unoccupied side of the Dome, Ama stumbled behind me. “Elli, where are we going? We’re going to miss the rest of it!” “It shouldn’t have made that noise.” I said back, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Elli, you’re nuts.” “It was metallic. It clanked. Ama, it clanked. That’s not a meteor. That’s something someone made.”

And suddenly we were both speeding towards it, Ama whooping and me with my head spinning, stumbling and hitting the side of the dome as we stared down at a mess of melted metal and a white substance bearing a strange, rectangular logo-- red stripes and a blue corner, with what looked like misshapen stars decorating the blue bit. Strange text in bold letters sat above it, smeared and burnt as the capsule remained aflame.

“ALIENS!” Ama shrieked, jumping up and down. He punched my shoulder. “Take that, everybody! ALIENS!!!”

We weren’t the only ones who found something.

Holowatch was projected all over the city as capsules popped up all over the planet. 9296 got two. City Twenty got one. Another surface dome found half of one. Cities were rushing to build more or get Centaurians on the surface to find more. They came with garbled audio-- messages we couldn’t understand. But what sent everyone reeling was the one we found-- it was the sound of another animal, not the intelligent life that kept trying to talk to us. Something big-- something that sounded like our own creatures, a series of clicks, whistles and pulsed calls. Biologists rushed to identify it-- but it was soon determined not to be one of our own, just something close. It was big, most likely lived underwater, but used the same noises ours did to get around-- they used sound for navigation.

There was no doubt about it, there was life on Terran.

“We discovered aliens.” Ama wouldn’t stop saying. “Not us.” “We found it first!” “9296 found theirs thirty-two blinks before we found ours.”

“Second! We discovered aliens second!” “...Fine. Second.” “Aliens, Elli!”

“I hear you, Ama.” I said with fake exasperation, watching him pace around his room. 

“We found it. We should get to see what they do with it.” “We are literally children, they weren’t going to let us help.” I said slowly, eyeing him suspiciously as he stopped walking across the room. He looked up at me and grinned.

“Am-- no. No, absolutely not. Whatever you’re thinking is a big, fat, nope.”

He continued grinning, taking a step towards me as his expression melted into something akin to affection mixed with excitement. The mischief was there-- I could see it. Feel it. But rationality slipped away as he grabbed my shoulder. “Let’s just try to sneak around. It’s not like we’ll even get anywhere with it!”

I let out a heavy sigh as I quietly threw my life into ruin. I unleash the sun god upon you, aliens. Why do you do this to me?

“...Fine.”

[theredhairedmonkey]

A few people had some feedback for my meta on Claudia here. Instead of reblogging the meta over and over again, I’d rather address the arguments raised by @silverspetz​ here and @atreefullofstars​ here.

So... neither of these posts seem all that enthusiastic with either (1) my treatment of Dark Magic nor (2) my assessment of Claudia. I’ll do my best to break down both of these arguments as well as possible.

From @silverspetz​:

I don’t really believe in the “power corrupts” thing in the first place, but even if I did it wouldn’t change the fact that primal magic users also have elevated power and the only reason you can give for why dark magic would be more tempting is because it makes things “too” easy. If you were actually honest with this argument you would be insisting that the true evil is that magic exists at all and not just that dark magic is arbitrarily “too powerful”. 

Let's break down these forms of magic. For Primal Magic, in order to take full advantage of all that it can offer you, a mage has to have an arcanum (or an uber-rare Primal Stone). An arcanum requires a deep, fundamental understanding of the Primal Source, and far more so; there’s a reason only a rare few elves even become mages, and why even sky mages can’t automatically learn to grow mage wings. There’s a lot of internal mental discipline and legwork that’s involved--the reason why Lujanne can cast spells, but Runaan and Rayla can’t. While Callum is an exception, canonically it usually takes years if not decades to master this kind of magic.

Dark Magic doesn’t require any of this. If you have the materials and the incantation words, that’s enough. No deep understanding or internal channeling of magic is required. That’s what makes it so easy. And this is canon; this is what Aaron and Justin describe as the difference between Primal and Dark Magic when it comes to ease.

But being easy does not in of itself make Dark Magic bad. It’s why it’s tempting (Callum catches on to this, even when Viren and Claudia do not). The fact that there is no limit to what you can do with Dark Magic, combined with the fact that everything you could ever need or want could just be a single spell away is what makes this dangerous. Again, unlike Primal Magic, Dark Magic is characterized as unlimited power. That’s what makes this a toxic combination.

Primal Magic simply doesn’t operate this way. It’s a naturally occuring phenomenon that can be tapped into. There are limits as to what can be done; Primal Energy needs to be nearby, and many spells, such as aspiro and mage wings, are limited by what the mage can physically exert.

The Primal Mages that we’ve seen demonstrate a separate issue with Primal Magic, but I’ll talk about that below. 

Sure, it is nice that you at least admit that Xadia probably exiled humans to preserve the status quo, but you are still insisting that dark magic is the only kind with inherently corrupting influence and acting as if being born with an inherent power isn’t already playing life at easy mode. You don’t ask the question “how long before elves decide to do the easy thing instead of the right thing” even though they have already done far worse things than any dark mage on the show. It is all so very reminicent of all the arguments you hear from the majority whenever a minority tries to assert itself. “No, you can’t fight oppression your way, that’s wrong and bad. Do it on our terms”. The show’s thesis is basically that “reverse racism” is worse than actual racism, and the fandom largely agrees. You can save your “is dark magic too powerful” concerns until humanity as a whole has been given even a modicum of the power they actually deserve.

The show definitely doesn’t pull its punches when it comes to dragons and elves. Sol Regem quite nearly wipes out a city, while the ethnic cleansing of humans had been compared to the Trail of Tears by the show’s creators. And the thing is, there are issues with the way elven mages and dragons use their magic, even though that’s beyond the scope of my meta on Claudia. But just because a group is oppressed or marginalized doesn’t mean any attempt to gain, as you say, a “modicum of the power they actually deserve” is justified. In fact, that’s all very reminiscent of real-life formerly oppressed groups who either gained that “modicum of power” through exploiting others or taking advantage of their newfound power to settle the score with their former oppressors, which just perpetuates a cycle of hatred and violence...which kinda sounds like the point the first three seasons of the show was trying to push!

To your question “how long before elves decide to do the easy thing instead of the right thing,” we already have an answer. There is an elf who isn’t bothered by questions of doing the right thing.

Who only really cares about increasing his own power in the quickest way possible, regardless of who he harms, corrupts or kills along the way.

And it’s this guy:

In spite of mastering all six Primal Sources, he still turns to Dark Magic as a means to get what he wants. Which does give us the answer to your question--when an elven doesn’t care about the right thing, merely the easy thing, they too turn to Dark Magic. That’s the corrupting influence of this branch of magic. Aaravos should have had all the power he needed, but he wanted more.

And what does he do with his power once he has it? He eclipses the Sun Nexus, creating perpetual night over Lux Auera and quite possibly wiping out the city. That should drive home what “unlimited power” means with regard to Dark Magic--you can quite possibly destroy Primal Sources at will. You can’t do that with Primal Magic.

But Primal Mages, at least who we’ve seen, don’t particularly care to bolster their own power over the lives of others because, honestly, they’re kinda indifferent to them. And that’s their flaw--not power-lust, but apathy to the plight or struggles of people.

Keep in mind, they’re not unkind or callous toward others. Lujanne, for instance, is nice and will help Team Zym...when they ask her to. It’s why she simultaneously tells the group that “dark forces are pursuing you” while still being willing to show Callum around and letting the team drag their heals. Rayla was quite indignant at that (”I thought you were on my side!”). 

Or, she helps Ez get to Xadia because Soren asks her to, then wanders off to fuck around with other humans, while a war for the future of the world is fought. 

Ibis is similar--he suggests to Callum that the group simply leaves with Zym rather than make their stand, thus giving Viren the opportunity to gain power. He helps out in finding dragons to fight alongside them, but we never see him take part in the battle itself. Just like Lujanne, he helps the group with their goals but doesn’t engage directly with any threats.

The differences between Dark and Primal Mages are similar to the Sith and the Jedi in the Prequel Trilogy. The Sith are power-hungry, perhaps beginning their fall to the Dark Side out of a goal to protect their loved ones or a similar aim before being corrupted by their desire for power and domination. The Jedi, however, are “keepers of the peace,” and will get involved when that peace is disrupted...and turn a blind eye to slavery on worlds like Tatooine. They’ll preserve the status quo, but don’t do much else, which is why the Separatist Crisis was started in the first place; countless worlds were irate that the Republic, and by extension, the Jedi Council, ignored their problems and struggles.

Primal Mages are the Jedi in this situation. From what we could ascertain, they didn’t do much of anything to help the humans before they were desperate enough to turn to Dark Magic.  The fact that a human learning an arcanum was so surprising just shows how little anyone tried to help humanity before dismissing them as a lost cause. 

This is also why Callum is such a standout example of a mage. He rejects the temptation of Dark Magic while also deciding to stay and fight to defend Zym. He’s chosen who he wants to be, and he’s not going to make the same mistakes that mages from either camp have made.

Primal Magic has its flaws, but to say that Dark Magic and Primal Magic both represent power and share the same temptations misses the larger point.

As for Claudia supposedly being “selfish”, yeah, this is where you are absolutely being dishonest to demonize Claudia. Soren was not willing to accept his condition. It was blatantly obvious that he was just having a breakdown and trying to find silver-linings whereever he could. Even his first poem was basically him lamenting his new situation. And he was very obviously happy when Claudia fixed his spine. 

You would have a point had Claudia actually obtained Soren’s consent. The fact that she didn’t even bother to ask his permission violated his agency. Even after she was done, Soren never found out what it cost for him to be healed. 

All of this is extremely problematic. It’s not a small thing that medical practitioners seek out consent from their patients, even when the treatment is painless, simple, and safe. The autonomy that people have over their own bodies is of utmost importance, something that can’t be dismissed with a simple “Oh well he was unhappy anyway, he would have said yes if I asked.”

I think that, deep down, even now, Claudia is a good person. She thinks what she’s choosing to do with her magic is ultimately the right thing. It’s just that, in her mind, other people don’t get to choose.

 So forgive me if I think that meta about primal magic you plan to write is going to be a bunch of drivel that admits elves wen’t too far in commiting genocide but ultimately doesn’t see how being born with the power to crush armies might make you at least as tempted to solve all your problems with sheer force as the ability to turn chains into snakes.

Hopefully, the little that I wrote about Primal Magic assuaged your worries somewhat. There’s a lot more to write about this form of magic, most of which can’t fit here.

And it’s not like creatures with Primal Magic never use sheer force to try and solve their problems (that’s exactly what Sol Regem attempts to do). But when you look at what you can do with Primal Magic versus what you can do with Dark Magic, the former simply doesn’t compare. This isn’t an apples to apples comparison in terms of raw power.

For @atreefullofstars​:

And miss me with “dark magic is easy and dark mages don’t sacrifice anything so everything they do is selfish.” Yeah, characters in the show–the ones who already don’t like dark magic–have said that a few times. But what’s shown on screen is dark mages collapsing, falling ill, panting, and turning corpselike and clearly unhealthy from using it, when nothing like that happens to primal mages. What is “Claudia doesn’t lose anything other than a streak of black hair” supposed to mean? She didn’t make a magical trade, her hair color for Soren’s spine; if that were the case she wouldn’t have needed the deer. She did something so difficult, that put so much physical strain on her body, that it turned some of her hair white. When that happens in real life, there are physiological consequences way beyond hair color; the hair is just a clear visual representation of how badly that strained her body.

Lets set aside whether Dark Mages never sacrifice anything for their magic (Ziard, for instance, sacrificed his life to save Elarion; Callum fell into a coma). What I’m talking about is in this particular case--Claudia momentarily collapses from using a lot of Dark Magic...then proceeds to get back up again and is none the worse for wear in the next scene. That’s all I’m trying to say. Claudia does not “sacrifice her own well-being” to save her brother when there are no long-term side effects to her other than that one streak (it’s not from the physical strain either; stress-induced grayness doesn’t just come up in one spot and it certainly doesn’t friggin turn already black hair white!).

The streak isn’t supposed to visually represent the strain on her body that was clearly temporary. It visually represents how Dark Magic is slowly starting to change Claudia. One might say it’s corrupting her.

And if that just isn’t enough, if she should have to give up more because she’s supposedly being selfish, well, it’s still more than primal mages sacrifice. What did Callum sacrifice to save Rayla? What did it cost him, what did he lose? Is it selfish that he used his magic to rescue her from falling, because he loves her and doesn’t want his life to change by losing her? What did he give up when he cast Fulminus to selfishly override Ibis’s objections to teaching him? What did it cost him to cast Aspiro and blow Zym up into the air to block out the sun, saving him and Rayla? Every primal spell in the show is “selfish” when you view it through a lens determined to show it that way, and not one of them has a cost. Every good deed anyone has EVER done could be construed as selfish because it made them feel good to do it; even if it was difficult or uncomfortable, they were obviously still satisfying some other principle they value more and getting net benefit.

I think you’re missing the point if you think that the issue with Dark Magic is that it doesn’t come with enough personal sacrifice. Me arguing that Claudia didn’t sacrifice her well-being for Soren isn’t me arguing that she should have.

But as for whether primal mages are selfish...Callum quite nearly falls to his death in a long-shot attempt to save Rayla. And keep in mind, he isn’t trying to save an idea of her, or the portrait of a perfect relationship, or something that he simply desires for himself. He’s trying to save her. And unlike with Claudia, it doesn’t come at anyone else’s expense--just, potentially, himself. 

Before that, he puts himself between Zym/Rayla and scores of enhanced soldiers. He risks his life just to protect them. Before that, he crushes a moon opal to learn the truth about Rayla’s parents, so she can feel free to make her own choice (and this was the epitome of selflessness; he didn’t attempt to convince her to leave with them. If she wanted to stay, fight and die, Callum was willing to accept that. Think about that when you say that every primal spell in the show is somehow selfish).

And before that, he uses Fulminis to get Ibis’s attention so he could learn magic...so that he could protect Zym and his friends from Viren’s army. Throughout all of Season 3, Callum does magic primarily to help others and never just for himself. It doesn’t come at the expense of anyone else’s life or anyone’s agency. That’s the difference between Callum and Claudia--to reduce all of that to just “well any choice is selfish when you think about it” is just pure nihilism.

[yafaemi]

ii. | close.

Ok then! The second for the challenge. ^-^ This is probably one of the stories that means the most to me. Just, like... in general, really. o.o It’s an idea for a story I’ve had for a while. I did have a really rough draft of this, so I thought ‘hey! that kinda matches the prompt! I should actually write that out like I’ve been meaning to!’ so... I did. I would have made this one the first I did for the challenge, but I didn’t have it finished yesterday, so. o.o

Description: Through thick and thin, through good and bad. Two becomes three, three becomes four. Amidst the setting sun and the lapping waves, will their feelings be unveiled to one another, truly and fully.

Warning: there’s a very brief allusion to suicide during this story, as well as death in general. If you’re uncomfortable with these things for any reason, I would advise caution. 

_________________________________________________________ 

The crash of the water was the only thing that Amandine seemed to keep her eyes on. Amidst the idle chatter from the others, drowned out by the sounds of the waves. Every ounce of focus, settled onto the tide as it went back and forth, back and forth.

She never liked going to the beach. The seaweed, the creatures, the uncertainty of the water… yet here she was, on a beach, friends at her side, all watching the sun set on what had been a frankly fantastic day. 

Save for one last thing that she had to tell them. 

“If you keep looking at the water like that, you’re literally gonna boil the entire beach, Mandi.” Aurora’s easy grin was easy to see from the corner of her eye. Nestled into a beach chair as she was, almost buried in several towels that nearly covered her eyes. (For some reason, a sight not unlike Oliver’s habit of huddling into every single blanket in their house. Perhaps it was just a shared sibling habit.) 

From beside her chair, Oliver leaned forward by a hint. Looking between Amandine and Aurora, then glancing towards Miyuki— only drawn back to conversation by Aurora’s remark, no doubt— until Oliver finally smiled. 

“That’s the thinking face,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. Amandine let out a bare scoff at the words and crossed her arms a little tighter over her torso. 

“I have no thinking face, thank you very much.” 

“No, you really do. You make that face when you read books sometimes.” 

Whatever reason the words had to make Aurora laugh were unknowable. That was, at least, until she whispered, “Does that mean that Amandine doesn’t actually think at all? Crazy. Just… an empty head, nothing in there in the slightest. No thoughts.” 

Amandine turned back towards the sight of the water, eyes closing just long enough to convey the slowly withering patience she’d arrived with. Her greatest adversary— Aurora’s ability to drive any single person in Eorzea insane. Save Oliver, perhaps.

Though it was an unfair comparison. He had patience rivalling that of the Twelve to begin with. 

...Likely from being her sibling, though Amandine never thought to ask. 

“You just described your own head perfectly, Aurora.” Miyuki took the chance that Amandine hadn’t. Despite herself, she let out a snicker. From the side, she heard Oliver let out a soft sigh, and Aurora laugh again.

“Come on! That’s not fair. I thought we already established: I just have a very, very small moogle in my head, and they’re the one controlling everything.” 

“Ok, guys, slow down for a minute. I’m pretty sure Amandine wanted to say something before,” Oliver said as Amandine finally reopened her eyes. The sky’s orange tips were slowly beginning to take on a deeper tinge. “That’s what the thinking face usually gets followed with. Some sort of words, or just a long sip of coffee.”  

“If I had the coffee, it would be both, I assure you,” she replied with another long breath. Her shoulders raised with the inhale, dropping slowly as she let out a heavy sigh. “While I may come to regret the words I’m about to say— in fact, I am almost positive I will—…” another moment of pause, another breath, and… “I would like to say… thank you. All of you.” 

It was about the reactions she’d assumed. Oliver’s smile wavered briefly as he tilted his head, and Aurora stared at her with a scrunched face and one hand pointed out towards her in question. Miyuki shrugged, nodded, and went back to watching the ocean, only taking a side-glance at her every so often.

Aurora’s scrunched stare continued for another few moments before she spoke up, looking around the beach. “I don’t think we… did anything? Unless slowly driving you to the brink of madness is what you’re thanking us for. In which case… ya, you’re totally welcome.” She offered a wide grin and a thumbs-up. “Always happy to help.”  

“Not… necessarily, no,” Amandine answered. She didn’t deny it. Denying that was practically ignoring half of their friendship to begin with. “What I am thanking you for is crashing— quite literally, in fact— into my life.” 

“...wait, what?” 

Oliver’s face, somehow, met his palm. Inexplicably, of course. “I thought we were over that…” 

Miyuki raised an eyebrow. “I don’t even want to begin to know. So this is me, not asking.” He went to turn away, only to stop as Aurora put a hand on his arm and grinned. He looked up with a slow stare. “You’re going to tell me anyways.” It wasn’t posed as a question.

“Oliver crashed into Mandi the first time we met in Ishgard. Literally, he just…” she trailed off, putting up her arms until one stood far taller than the other. The shorter of her positioned arms crashed into the other, and they both flopped onto the beach chair. “You should’ve seen him. He was so embarrassed.” 

“Amandine’s being sentimental, guys, stop spoiling the moment.” Oliver made a valiant effort in pretending his face wasn’t starting to go bright red. It was failing miserably, yet the effort was present and obvious. 

The fact that Amandine could feel herself smiling at their antics was both terrifying and quite routine. Not even Halone could save her soul at this point, she feared. It was lost, gone amidst the pleasant memories. 

Not that she wanted it back, anyways. Not if it meant losing them, frustrating as they could be.

“I suppose the silence is my queue to continue, then. Ahem.” While the words weren’t exactly there anymore, she supposed it would be unfair to leave them at such a cliffhanger. She took another deep breath, gathered her wits, and spoke, “For as much as we tend to joke, and pretend that your company is infuriating to me— which, at times, it certainly is—” Oliver and Aurora chuckled at that. Miyuki tried not to, yet even he couldn’t manage a straight face— “The three of you are some of my most precious friends. You have changed my life in ways that I wouldn’t have thought possible, and forced me to confront many, many things in the world and about myself that I otherwise wouldn’t have acknowledged, much less changed.

“Regardless of the circumstances that saw us truly come together— a tragic death of a dear friend, a mutual need for revenge, a certain someone pointing a gun at Aurora’s head—” Once again, Miyuki tried and failed to keep from reacting as Aurora only let out a pronounced sigh— “Our friendship is something that I have and always will treasure. I dare not think of my life without you, for that is a life I could not desire any less.” 

Silence took over as her words settled into the air. It took all of a few moments for her to carefully wipe the side of her eye, before settling back into her chair as she had been a few minutes prior. 

Aurora dipped her head into the pile of towels. When she emerged, her eyes seemed to be a hint glassy. “Aw, c’mon, Mandi…” she took a half-moment to sniff, “...you’re gonna make Oliver cry.” 

Miyuki snorted. “And not yourself. Obviously.” 

“I was getting to that, thanks,” she snapped back with a wave of dismissal. Miyuki only grinned at the amusement in her face, and settled back into his chair. There was a soft ‘sure, you were’ that she ignored as he did, and then a smile. “And me, too. For the crying thing. Happy now, ‘Yuki?” 

“I would be if you stopped calling me that.” 

From beside Amandine’s chair, there was a soft sniff. Oliver moved his hand away from his eyes rather quickly, brushing off a part of hair that had fallen into his face—  or so it seemed, at least. “I would try and disagree, but… I can’t. It means a lot to hear that, Amandine. Really. 

“And… I’d like to agree! I’m glad that I met you, too. And Miyuki. Even if we got off on the wrong foot in the beginning,” he added with a shift forward to look towards Miyuki. “...The… really, really wrong foot. I still feel a little bad about it, sometimes, honestly.” 

His answer was a simple roll of the shoulder. “I threatened to kill your sister.” He sent one half of a glance towards Aurora. She had a sudden interest in her chair, yet the sheepish smile was unmistakable. “The ‘wrong foot’ was warranted.” 

“Can we just acknowledge that Oliver didn’t even mention me in that?” Aurora spoke up. Interest in the chair had passed alongside the mentions of her very intimate meeting with the muzzle of Miyuki’s gun, clearly. She shifted forwards on her chair, pouted, and said, “Like, I’m feeling a little betrayed. You almost kill him over killing me, but you aren’t even happy to know me? That’s just cold, Oli.”

The long-suffering stare he gave her was muted in the midst of the teasing wink she gave. Oliver let out a short laugh and shrugged, one hand going to his hair once more as he fell entirely silent. His words, when next he spoke, seemed far too quiet for the easy air about the group. “Of course I’m glad to have met you, Rory.” The look in his eye was enough to make Amandine glance away. “To be entirely honest, I… don’t think I’d actually be here, if I hadn’t. And I don’t just mean the beach, either.” 

Whatever it was in the look they shared, it was enough to drive Aurora to tears once more. Her head dropped near immediately, one hand shielding her eyes away from a brief moment. The tears still fell, visible, vanishing into the towel and followed by more. Then, without another word, she got up from the collection of them, moved over to Oliver’s chair, and caught him in a hug. 

There were a few moments of quiet as the two of them stayed there, before Aurora finally ruffled his hair and moved back to her chair. As she settled down, she let out a hard sigh. “...Oliver’s not allowed to make sentimental remarks anymore. It’s officially illegal.

“...and neither is Amandine, actually.” Aurora’s still teary-eyed stare shifted towards her for a moment, only causing one raise of the brow by Amandine. “For the sake of me not embarrassing myself.” 

As Oliver only brushed his hair back into a place where it wasn’t bothering his slightly glassy eyes, it was Miyuki that spoke up with a sly grin. “Well, if they can’t, then I will.” 

The three of them blinked at him. Shoulders shifted, small quirks of the brow in surprise. Aurora almost tilted her head entirely, though the surprise in her face was pleasant. Rare was it that he spoke more than 11 words in a single go— actually speaking of his feelings was unheard of in the months they’d known him. 

He took a long breath. Shoulders raising slowly with the intake of air, dropping again with a low, controlled sigh. “The last few months I’ve spent with you have been the happiest I’ve felt in years, unfortunately. You are all headache inducing. Infuriating. The Kami themselves would balk at your collective antics. And I’m glad to be a part of them.” Miyuki’s smile was almost tentative, yet the good-natured malice was not. “You aren’t worth the trouble that you are, but I’m still glad that I put that gun to Aurora’s head. And I would do it again.”

“Oh, gee, thanks. I’m really feelin’ the love, ‘Yuki.” 

“I’m going to do it now if you call me that again.” 

Aurora only rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him. Miyuki facepalmed and muttered something along the lines of regret. Amandine cleared her throat, “While I doubt Oliver appreciates the latter sentiment much, it’s rather reassuring to hear that you value our company as much as we value yours.” 

She looked up again in genuine betrayal. “W— he wasn’t even the one who nearly got killed th— if this is your way of saying I’m third-wheeling here, Mandi, it’s not much appreciated!” 

“You’re far too hard to ignore in such a way, my dear,” Amandine replied with a laugh. Oliver joined Miyuki in facepalming. She only laughed more. “Regardless. I know you, Aurora, and I know for a fact that you’re likely not offended by his words.” 

At that, all Aurora could offer was a shrug. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying, y’know… I don’t have to be happy that you’re right.” 

“It was really sweet there for a few minutes,” Oliver murmured into his hand, eyes focused on the waves in the sun-shaded distance, “Really. Then it just… wasn’t.” 

“What, were you really expecting any different from us, of all people?” Aurora let out a short tsk, “That’s your mistake, Oli.” 

A round of laughter from them all shook away the last remnants of the emotional moment that had been. Though, before it drifted back to the comfortable lull in conversation, Miyuki turned his attention to Aurora again. 

First, it was a look between he, Amandine, and Oliver. Then a quick push-up of his glasses. And finally, he said in a far too conspiratory tone, “We’ve said our pieces. It’s your turn. Make your brother cry again.” 

“Hey— hold on, this is just a spontaneous thing!” Despite nearly jumbling the words, it seemed that she managed to get them across. Aurora shot a wide-eyed look about the area, “You can’t just make me talk about my feelings. I did not sign up to have a heart-warming friendship-is-everything moment today.” 

Amandine stifled a laugh. “Heartwarning,” she echoed with another, shorter chuckle. “Yes, the tears in my eyes as Miyuki called us infuriating. Truly, my heart could hardly take more of this outspill of affection.” 

“To be fair, that’s like… the most emotionally open he’s been with us since we met.”

Miyuki scoffed. “Hardly.” 

From the loud sigh coming from Oliver’s chair, he was reminiscing about the true heartwarming parts of the conversation again. Or, at least, the parts that hadn’t yet devolved. Eyes still set out at the paint-spilled sky, and the faint view of the stars that came into view.

“Look. I’m terrible with words! I dunno what to say!” Aurora waved her hands about as if gesturing wildly to a mess on the floor. The frazzled look she’d given them complimented it well, yet their silence seemed to be enough to make her give up. “Seriously. Can I make a script really quick, if you really want me to do this?”

“Buckle to peer pressure without one.” Miyuki seemed unphased by the deadpan stare she offered him. “Stop being a coward.” 

Oliver finally turned back into the conversation, shifting entirely in his chair until he sat at the very front of it. Head in his hands, crossed over his legs and expectant. “Only do it if you want to, Rory.”

“Well, now I have to, anyways. I’m buckling to peer pressure. You guys suck.”

Amandine tucked in her legs beneath her, head pulling forward to rest on her knees. “Halone grant me patience,” she muttered, and then pulled back up into a comfortable position. 

“Ok. Uh… gods, I… ok. I’m gonna do it. Just so you guys don’t bug me about this some other time.” Aurora scrunched her eyes closed for a few moments, one hand closing into a fist at her side. Both her eyes and the fist opened at the same time, like an idea struck in her mind. “I dunno how to start this. So… you guys are my best friends. 

“...I guess that’s sort of obvious. But, seriously, you just mean the world to me. We’ve been together through good times, and bad times. At our worst, best, and…” she trailed off with a look at Miyuki. “Most intent on causing me bodily harm-times.” He could hardly hold back the snicker. “Literally none of us got off on the right foot in the beginning. We all kind of hated each other at some point of time since meeting. 

“Which is just weird, but it’s a concern for later, maybe. What’s important is that I would do anything for you guys. Like, you mean so much to me. And I’m so happy that I get to call you guys my friends. Sometimes I just kinda think about it, and I’m like, “wow, they’re so cool. I can’t believe these people are my friends.” It’s crazy. And what’s even weirder, is that I feel like I’ve known you all my life, and even longer than that. And I haven’t. Not even Oliver.” 

Despite how he looked away, his feelings at the words were evident enough.

“I just… I love you guys. I really do. So, y’know… if we ever go our separate ways, someday… just know that you can count on me. There’s nothing in this world, or the next, or the next after that that’d keep me from being there for you. You’re all stuck with my friendship, whether you want it or not. And I’m really good at keeping my promises.”

No one said a single word when she drifted off to silence. 

Not even the crashing waves, so faded into the background of their conversation as it was, seemed to break into the impenetrable quiet that had been crafted after Aurora’s final words. 

No muscles moved, not even a hint of a breath, just the evening sky and the new, thickened moment of peace. 

Unbroken.

Until, at least, Aurora took in a shaky breath. “...please say something. I feel really awkward and I have no idea what to say. I just kinda… went with it, there.” 

It seemed as thought it was Oliver’s turn to deliver a hug. He got up, sat next to Aurora, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “That was really sweet, Rory.” 

“Indeed,” Amandine nodded her approval alongside her words. Her smile  was light, yet still filled with the same sort of feeling as it had been during her own small speech. “It was lovely.” 

“Thank the gods. I was kinda freaking out on if it came out superficial or something.” 

Miyuki whistled. “If that was superficial, then I’d rather not know what the genuine looks like.” 

“It’s not actually words at that point. I just cry on the spot and point at you,” Aurora replied with a laugh. There was a brief attempt to showcase it, a downward pulled imitation of a cry and her pointing at the three of them wildly. 

Slowly, the conversation drifted back to its normal state between madness and seriousness. The heart-to-heart ended, emotions laid bare for friends to see. Amandine’s attention was pulled back into the setting sky, watching as the stripes of blue became more and more pronounced to quash the rest of the evening’s color.

There, as she had done so many times before, Amandine heard the familiar voice of long-departed friend. 

Look after them for me, won’t you? A promise made of her, in the darkest hour that she’d known in many long years. 

She knew. She knew this time would come. She must have. Their band grew from three to four, and they never needed someone to guide them, or hold their hands. They never did. 

Yet that promise kept Amandine there, right alongside them. Kept them all together. Kept her close. It was never balance, nor sagely guidance. It never was. Simply, it was what they needed, in the end— Amandine, Aurora, Oliver, and eventually MIyuki. It was the incredible good that had come from those dying words. 

It was clear. There was one last person she had yet to thank.

I pray that you rest easy, Sydessin, and know the good you created. From your final promise, you gave me far more than I had once thought. 

And for that, I will be ever grateful. 

[krizaland]

Enter the Zimvoid Chapter 19

First Chapter  Previous

I’m super duper excited for issue #49! Therefore, I decided to write up another chapter to celebrate!

Number 2 ran and ran, never looking back for even a second.

You clung to Number 2 for dear life as you tried not to slip out of his arms.

“Ok…I think we’ve lost them…” Number 2 panted as he started to slow down to catch his breath.

However, Number 2 had spoken too soon, for the moment he had caught his breath, his left leg was met with the barrel of a laser rifle.

“RELEASE Y/N! RELEASE THEM OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE ULTIMATE ZIM!” Your Zim roared as he jammed the laser rifle against Number 2’s leg.

Number 2 started to snort. His snorting grew into giggling. His giggling grew into chuckling. His chuckling grew into laughing. And his laughter grew and grew until he erupted into a full-on laughing fit.

“Just what is so funny?!”

Number 2 tried to respond but all that came out was more roaring laughter.

Number 2’s laughter refused to cease until he almost dropped you.

After catching his breath and wiping away a few tears, Number 2 finally managed to get his words back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just, the mere idea of a Zim as pathetic as you being able to even consider calling yourself the ultimate Zim is just so…” Number 2 was interrupted by another fit of roaring laughter.

“CEASE YOUR LAUGHTER, INFERIOR ZIM! I COMMAND YOU TO RELEASE Y/N!” Your Zim seethed as he raised his laser rifle.

WHACK!

Number 2’s laughter came to a sudden halt as Zim’s laser rifle collided with his left leg.

Number 2 let out a pained shriek as you fell out of his arms.

Wasting no time, your Zim dropped the laser rifle and rushed to catch you.

PLOP!

Your Zim nearly toppled over but he still managed to catch you.

“HA! VICTORY FOR THE ULTIMATE ZIM!” Your Zim cheered as he held you tight.

You let out a groan as your mind slowly processed what just happened.

Your Zim’s face softened as he held you in his arms.

“Are you alright, Sweet Y/N?”

“I think so…” You murmured as you finally got your head on straight.

“Excellent! Now, lets get you back to the rebels so we can finally take down that HORRIBLE Number 1 once and for all!”

Your Zim was about to take you back to the others when-

WHUMP!

He bumped right back into Number 2.

“Just where do you think you’re taking the beautiful Y/N?” Number 2 growled as he folded his arms.

“Boys!” You called out. Neither Zim seemed to hear you.

“That’s none of your business, inferior Zim! Now step aside!” Your Zim commanded.

“Boys!” You yelled a little louder. Your voice still fell upon deaf antennas.

“And just what are you gonna do if I don’t?” Number 2’s ruby eyes narrowed.

“BOYS!!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs.

Both Zims immediately turned to look at you.

“Geez! Can’t you guys put your differences aside?! Just this once?! We have a waay bigger fish to fry right now!” You reminded as you climbed out of your Zim’s arms.

“Sweet Y/N Is right! We have to take down that HORRIBLE Number 1! You must step aside!” Your Zim commanded.

“Listen! I understand your desire to overthrow Number 1 but that is an impossible task! You all will be killed at best! Number 1’s power is far too great for one Zim to bear!” Number 2 warned as he flailed his arms

“Maybe one Zim can’t handle Number 1 but how about an army?”

Your eyes lit up at the sound of that familiar voice.

“Specs!”

“And don’t forget about me, the superior Zim!” 2k chirped as he gestured to himself.

“What the- How did you rebels get in here?!” Number 2 stuttered as he backed away a bit.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” 2k mocked as he stuck out his worm like tongue.

Number 2 was about to respond when-

“PRETTY Y/N IS OK!”

THOOM! THOOM! THOOM!

The ground shook as Brutus plowed through the army of Zims and pulled you into a tight hug.

“Choking…not breathing..” You heaved as you struggled to wriggle out of Brutus’s grip.

“BRUTUS SORRY!” Brutus whimpered as he loosened his grip.

“It’s fine…”

“Y/N! Oh man am I glad you’re ok! Number 1 didn’t try to experiment on you or anything did he?! DID HE?!” Dib stuttered as he frantically ran up to you and Brutus.

“No No! He didn’t experiment on me but he did try to do something….awful” You murmured as a few tears trickled down your cheeks.

“What did that monster do to you? Besides, you know trying to force you to marry him and stuff.” Specs asked gently as he gave you a sympathetic look.

“He…He… He threatened to kill everyone on this planet if I didn’t marry him!” You wailed as you buried your face into Brutus’s bulging muscles.

“Oh Y/N…” Specs trailed off as he struggled to think of something reassuring to say.

“Eh?! That’s what you’re upset about?! Sweet Y/N, I mean no disrespect but that’s just silly! No one can kill me, THE ULTIMATE ZIM!!” Your Zim announced dramatically.

“He actually kinda has a point there. We Zims are pretty much impossible to kill.” Specs agreed as he rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah! Countless people throughout the universe tried to kill me but none were successful!” Palindrome boasted as he put a hand on his chest.

“LOTS OF PEOPLE TRY TO KILL BRUTUS BUT BRUTUS ALWAYS KILL THEM FIRST!” Brutus reassured as he gently patted the top of your head.

Soon the room came alive with hundreds of Zims sharing their near death experiences and reassuring words.

Every reassuring word you heard whisked away your falling tears. It wasn’t long before you ran out of tears to shed.

You pulled your head up and gave all of the Zims a triumphant smile!

“You’re all right! What was I thinking?” You let out a half hearted chuckle as you dried your face a bit.

“To be fair, it’s actually kinda touching that you care so much about us.” Specs admitted as a soft blush spread across his face.

“Well of course I do! You guys mean everything to me!” You smiled as you sat up straighter.

“Even me?”

Everyone turned around to look at a very sad Number 2.

“Yes. Even you.” You giggled as a soft blush spread across your face.

“Please tell me you’re not gonna invite Number 2 to join our relationship.” Specs groaned.

“Weeell I mean, he did save me. Besides, he’s kinda cute yes?”

“NO! Y/N! I COMMAND YOU STOP THIS NONSENSE AT ONCE! I, THE ULTIMATE ZIM, ALREADY HAS TO SHARE YOU WITH THESE TWO INFERIOR ZIMS! I DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH ANY MORE!” Your Zim snapped as he gestured to Brutus and Specs.

“YEAH! WAIT… WHO TINY ZIM CALLING INFERIOR?!” Brutus growled as he shot your Zim a glare.

“Pleaaaase! For me?” You made the saddest puppy dog eyes you could muster.

Your Zim, Brutus, and Specs tried to look away but the power of your cuteness was just too much for them.

Letting out a sigh, Specs looked down in defeat.

“Very well. He may join us.”

“YEAH, PLEASE DON’T MAKE SAD FACES NO MORE, PRETTY Y/N.” Brutus pleaded.

You looked over to your Zim.

“Well? What do you say?”

Your Zim pouted and kicked his feet a bit.

“Oh okay…” He grumbled.

“Yay!! Thank you all for being so understanding!”

And with that, you jumped out of Brutus’s arms and zipped up to Number 2.

“Soo, would you like to join me and my boys?” You asked playfully.

“Erm, I’m not quite sure I understand. Are you referring to your army or…”

“Oh! Sorry. I’m in a poly relationship with those three Zims over there,” You gestured to your Zim, Specs, and Brutus, “I was wondering if you wanted to be a part of that!”

“Eh?! Are you honestly asking me to share you?! With those three inferior Zims?!” Number 2 let out an offended gasp as he put a hand on his chest.

“First off, those three Zims are not inferior. And second, if you’re not interested you could just say so!” You chided as you put your hands on your hips.

“Well of course I’m interested in being your mate! It would be the highest honor, beautiful Y/N but I simply cannot share you with anyone else!” Number 2 huffed.

“Oh…Welp, I’m sorry then. As weird as it sounds, I’m a package deal. If you can’t share me then we can’t be together.” You sighed as you looked down at your feet.

“Wait! If I refuse to share you…We’ll never be able to be together?!” Number 2 started to tear up.

“Well, I love you and all of my Zims so much! I cannot simply choose one! You’re all so wonderful! But if you can’t share then I won’t force you to. I understand it can be kind of overwhelming and-”

“Nonsense! Zim shall share you! Zim shall do whatever it takes to please you, oh beautiful Y/N!” Number 2 insisted.

“Really? Even share me?”

“Yes. Even share you. Besides, I’m simply sharing you with other versions of me! So I guess it’s not too bad!” Number 2 chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head.

“Yay! Ok, so since I’m dating so many Zims! Would it be ok if I gave you a nickname?” You asked as you clapped your hands.

“Of course! Call me whatever you wish, oh beautiful Y/N.” Number 2 purred with a bow.

“Yeah…Also you don’t have to bow down to me. I’m your mate not a god.” You giggled.

“Nonsense! One as beautiful as you is far superior to a lowly mortal such as I! Truly you are a divine being!” Number 2 insisted as he put a hand on his chest.

“Erm. I’m not a divine being and I’m not superior to anybody! I don’t care what Number 1 told you! You’re amazing just the way you are!” You reminded as you helped Number 2 to his feet.

“But-”

“But nothing! In fact, I hereby dub thee, Majestzee!” You bellowed as you snapped a finger in Number 2’s face.

“Majestzee….” Number 2 blinked in surprise before a huge smile spread across his face.

“Oh what a heavenly name I have been blessed with! Oh thank you! Thank you for this glorious name!” Majestzee cheered as he kissed your hand.

“Ok, I hate to break up all the excitement but we’ve got company!” Dib snapped as he wriggled between you and Majestzee.

“You dare interrupt this JOYUS naming ceremony?!” Majestzee snapped.

“I’m not the one interrupting! They are the ones interrupting!”

Dib huffed as he gestured to the army of angry guards storming over to you.

Next

[sailormurkury]

History3: MODC review I guess?

Word Count: around 2,080

Warning: Potential Spoiler for POSE Season 2. I’m not sure if it’s been streaming globally yet, but I mention the death of a character.

I fell in love with the BL drama HIStory this past August. It was after coming across a video on twitter of two men embracing, kissing and both breaking down in tears on the floor of a lavish, minimalistic, bedroom. After a bit of digging in the replies, I learned the name of the show, History3: Trapped. One google later, I’m on VIKI and I find the entire first half-season which had just wrapped up two months prior. The rest of that month was spent binging it and the first 2 seasons (and The Untamed). This week the second half of the beloved drama’s third season which has been hailed the best BL drama of 2019, possibly all-time, ended with a thud on the 18th. Prior to this week it had a solid score of 9.5 on MyDramaLive where it now sits at 8.5. (Rating seems to be falling slightly every 2-3 days, now sits at 8.4.) This season’s love story focused on the story between Yu Xi Gu, an orphan, loner, and presumptive valedictorian of Zenren High and Xiang Hao Ting, the carefree Mr. popular of the school. The show also follows a side couple, HaoTing’s best friend Sun Bo Xiang and Xi Gu’s boss, Lu Zhi Gang. This season focused on the blossoming of these two couples’ relationships in such a way that most of us thought “Oh wow they’re going for full on happy go lucky in love” and while they met challenges like HaoTing’s homophobic parents and entrance exams they managed to fight for each other with their relationship getting stronger every time. That was until this week’s finale when we were served with a plate of Deadly Distant Finale with a side of Bury Your Gays and a glass Gay for You.

I initially thought that I was okay with the finale in a similar way to how I was with the finale of HIStory3: Trapped. That was bittersweet yet common sense. Shao Fei was a cop, Tang Yi a mob boss who shot an officer, he “had” to go to jail. Yet the more I thought about it I felt grieved, insulted rather by MODCs finale. So, like everyone else is doing on social media, I’m going to nitpick the hell out of it as part of my “healing process.” Also, while all of us are upset, unfortunately as in the summer, some fans are attacking the cast and crew. In the words of the master heart crusher, Shonda Rhimes, “Don’t tweet them your crazy,” or...whatever the weibo equivalent is. So, before the nitpicking, a caveat. My beef is with the lazy writing of episode 10, this entire cast was outstanding from Wayne and ChuanChih to the ZENREN homies to The Xiang Family just outstanding. Possibly the best History ensemble since H2:Crossing The Line. Thankfully, this season was not written the same writer of H3: Trapped that would have been way too much for me. (Although, word in the fandom is that MODCs screenwriter wasn’t fond of Trapped’s screenwriter, or rather her treatment for the finale? Alexa, Play Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.) Also in this review, I’m going to be using the VIKI episode count when referring to episodes so just 1-9. *wink*

 On to the picking apart, if you watched all of episode 9 last week, you probably had the same horrified realization as I that our first intimate moment in episode 2 where HT saves XG from getting run over by a moped was foreshadowing for the finale. I don’t want to dissuade anyone from watching the series again, I will, but with the ending we got? It’s going to be difficult to revisit that scene again without resentment. It’s bad enough that XiGu, the main character up to this point, dies off screen in a way that nearly renders him worthless. Especially in the way that this story said “meet this soft, pitiful, malnourished and overworked boy; fall in love with him as he allows himself to fall in love and watch as that love makes him bloom.” I haven’t been this upset over a needless character death since, well, I can’t even say that I have made peace with Candy’s death in season 2 of POSE and that was 5 months ago.

 I don’t know why the writer chose this ending that says “fighting tooth and nail for love is meaningless, yet the memories make it worthwhile?” I’m being petty, we know for HaoTing this love was not meaningless, XiGu’s death is not meaningless. If XiGu’s death was meaningless he wouldn’t have thrown himself into his undergrad studies and gotten into Stanford grad to continue XiGu’s dre…hold the hell on. Wait a damn minute, isn’t that…the dead love interest trope? So, in the POV of this finale, XiGu’s existence was to get HaoTing to mature and become a physicist? Remember, high school HaoTing didn’t really have a dream outside of being with XG 24/7. He became a better student and chose to become a Physics major solely to be with XG. During the show, this particular plot point had some fans noting, while sweet in theory, pinning your hopes and dreams on teenage love can be costly in real life.  

  Six years on, it seems the only people that have been affected by XiGu’s death are HaoTing and Lin Cai Chu, his ex-girlfriend?  I understand in real life we tend to be moved on after this much time. Yet, there was no mention of Xi Gu from the crew or the family, even when he was visibly upset around them. You could count Mrs. Xiang when she spoke to Hao Ting while he was packing, but she never names him, only implies, and,  I feel we had to dive for that meaning. Also, there was no significant interaction from Sun Bo or his sister Yong Ching, who were the closest with HT during this whole relationship. Yong Ching listens to her brother cry after their father tears XiGu and HaoTing apart and she plays messenger between them during their parting. However, in episode 10 she’s enamored with Phoebe’s style? Sun Bo is HaoTing’s brother in the battle for love they share everything about how their hearts feel about their guys. But when HT drunkenly pours out his grief after six years, and he kinda gives a “damn bro, that sucks” vibe for a good part of the talk? (Sidenote: Wayne acted his whole ass off in this episode, do you hear me?) In Trapped, ShaoFei knew everything about TangYi. When Chen Wen Hao and Sister Lizhen were revealed as TangYi’s parents he grieves with and comforts him back at home. (Bonus: if you watch that scene again you can see Jake break down with Chris when they pull apart.)  

  I’m not touching that damn doppleganger moment, why even do it? These decisions have been made, yet the way both XiGu’s death and HaoTing’s potential girlfriend Phoebe are hinted and implied at, yet never really engaged with or seen. Which, to me, signals fear on part of the writer. These are the decisions you felt comfortable making so why not go ahead and give it to us full out. Show us XiGu dying in HaoTing’s arms, HaoTing visiting his grave a la Trapped episode 10, or show us the moment when Phoebe meets the family. We could have gotten more thought or effort put into these plot twists on the part of the writer. We see the way HaoTing weeps over XiGu and how he just shrugs off the mention of Phoebe from his family. XiGu and HaoTing lined and called each other daily, Phoebe can’t even email to let him know where she is? Worse yet, HaoTing does not even attempt checking up on her? Is on a 13-hour flight or about to get on one? Don’t really know, damn sure don’t care.

 I “got” that he doesn’t think the love of his life can ever be replaced, but we also know through his actions that he doesn’t love her either. Even though he’s introducing her to his family, I ask, does he even like her? Where’d they meet? How old is she? Why bring her up if you aren’t going to flesh the concept of Phoebe out? If you really wanted to give a love story closure “well” you should have done all of this several episodes ago by breaking them up or even condensing the love story and killing XG earlier on rather than handing us this death/new gf cocktail in ONE EPISODE. So many HIStorians thought that the boys would split because of HaoTing lying about the rent, and this makes perfect sense as it’s a clear violation of XiGu’s desire to be as self-reliant as possible, even in a relationship. That could have given rise to the first big argument and potential breakup.

 At first, I thought that the most insulting thing about this finale was that we didn’t get a happy ever after, or at least a happy for now like Trapped. Happy endings are an unofficial mission statement of the series. However, the most insulting thing about this finale, for me, was that death became final. Three years in a series, where death has NEVER been final, or even an option for its leads at least since season 1. (Which HIStorians like, but don’t really talk about for good reason.) Now, you could argue about Trapped because Shao Fei does get shot twice and if any storyline was primed for death it was theirs. However, even with the action element, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine type comedy never gave it the gravity that MODC unknowingly had. We were presented the stakes, the murders of Old Tang/LiZhen, and knew the threat, Chen WenHao. In MODC, there was a quiet unease I had for most of my watch along the lines of, “this is perfect. I love it, but it’s too perfect.” The “challenges” XG/HT faced they pretty much steamrolled every time so I assumed they were in the clear until the last 5 minutes of episode 9.

 H1: My Hero and H1: Obsessed both had plots that dealt with the boundary of death, making it impermanent “because love.”  While we’re at it, let’s talk about Obsessed shall we. Even abusive ass, stalker ass Jiang Jing Teng, a man who by logic and common sense shouldn’t have, got a chance to love again. He got to say goodbye to, spread the ashes of, and reunite with Shao Yi Chen. After his beard, who it just so happened was also a witch/sorceress, brought back SYC from the dead, not once BUT TWICE?!? (First, from rebirth. Second, it was all a dream.) Yet YXG/SHT, the most loved couple since CTL, can’t get a similar twist of fate? Make it make sense, especially given that this is likely the final season for HIStory.

 That hurt to type, but, it looks like History3 is going to be the final season for the series. Since we haven’t had any official announcement from CHOCO. And with 2 major backlashes, the first based on misunderstanding with Trapped and the second due to MODC lazy finale, it’s looking like a done deal until the CTL movie comes out at the end of 2020. In which case, everyone involved is going to have to be on their very best behavior from now on. In the hearts of some HIStorians, this finale has done irreparable damage to MODC itself and the HIStory franchise. Which is sad, considering that up to this point HIStory was getting better and better with each season only to decimate that growth in one episode.

  *cue Mariah* I still believe that MODC is the best BL drama of 2019. It’s the best to come out of Taiwan since CTL. Most of that is due to the phenomenal work of the cast, and… yes, the initial episodes written by our screenwriter. Even with my frustrations with the finale, I was conflicted as I said on Wednesday night. I was very disappointed, but the performances I did get, specifically from Wayne, kept me engaged to the point that I still enjoyed it. Does it make up for the cruelty to Yu Xi Gu not at all, but the previous 9 episodes pretty much put it in my top 5 all-time early on. What now? I’m waiting for the dvd drop next year and reliving every blissful moment. Oh, and I’m rewatching episodes 5/6 for Christmas. 

If you made it this far, thank you HIStorians, you all have made this surprise journey most certainly worth it.  

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes to all of you in 2020,

 Jo

 PS: word from Mandarin speaking fans is that the novelization of this series has 2 endings. One happy and the one we saw on Wednesday which…*sigh* at least there’s a universe where the boys are happy. I also have some notes on issues I had with HaoTing’s family in episode 10 that I’ll likely touch on after Christmas.

PPS: I can’t believe we got blessed with multiple Duke Wu appearances!!!

[50shadesofmittens]

Special 6 Second Part- Custodisi and Captain General as romantic foils

Okay so this one is 110% focused on my OTP and NoTP and theories and head cannons I now have and have to adjust. Warning that I discuss Custodisi as a creepy character. Also this gets way way way too detail focused and there’s probably a lot of things I forgot while writing this, details I unconsciously cherry-picked to make my argument.

I kinda noticed that in some ways, Custodisi could be a foil for CG? Personality and story-wise they’re opposites:

Custodisi is almost never freaked out, no matter how bad things get (even when facing Cegoratch). Whereas CG- well...

There’s also their attitudes towards the horror of the world. Custodisi sees horrible things and although he calls people out on them, he doesn’t reject evil itself. He commits atrocities knowingly and willfully because he just doesn’t care. Contrast CG, whose attempts to improve the world kick-start the entire show, and whose belief in Emps has more to do with his faith that Emps is good than anything else. 

Both CG and Custodisi have the foresight and wisdom to understand evil in their own actions and in others. Unlike many characters they don’t delude themselves into thinking they’re acting for the benefit of the world (or the greater good some would say) or are justifiable. But their attitudes and resulting conclusions are polar opposites.

Both are fairly laid-back and willing to be led by others. However, where they recognize their leaders faults and how they draw the line is different

CG draws the line when he feels the consequences would be harmful for others or the rest of the world. He lets himself be thrown around and almost killed, but try to kill one’s own son and he’ll stand up and say no.

Custodisi draws the line when it suits him- when he has something to gain (such as being allowed to continue being naked). Even when calling out Emps about Uriah, he never showed any sign of actual disobedience beyond simply wanting to say what he had in mind

Also, when CG is defiant he only shows his defiance itself- he said ‘no’ and that’s that. At most he’ll discuss the details and facts of the issue at hand without cutting to the core of it. Custodisi, in our biggest examples of direct defiance that goes beyond petty exhibitionism and lust, goes on to explain why he’s saying what he is in full detail

Speaking of, CG can defy one order and still think the exact same of the person he’s arguing with- he does this with both Magnus and Emps, keeping his disagreement separate from his perception of them. Whereas Custodisi seems to actually respect the Emperor less and less each time he stands up to him, attributing his actions in The Last Church to flawed personality immediately. Perhaps this contrast is purely situational, but it’s still interesting that this is what the audience has gotten to see.

CG’s loyalty to Emps includes delusion and willing disbelief in his problems- albeit this aspect is slowly fading, as it does so his willingness to go behind Emps back increases. Custodisi sees and fully accepts Emps flaws, and his loyalty and willingness to obey isn’t changed in the slightest by this (though this might be because he doesn’t care about doing horrible things) (also note that not changing doesn’t mean he was always obeying- he still went around naked after all)

Their character development is both best shown through their willingness to defy Emps. However...

CG starts out unwilling to defy Emps at all but can clearly recognize the actions he disagrees with (even as he's in denial about them later) and slowly grows the will to disobey

Custodisi starts out fully willing to disobey Emps if and when it suits him, and slowly grows a more nuanced understanding of Emps faults and the actions he disagrees with

TL;DR: CG starts with comprehension and gains will, where Custodisi starts with will and gains comprehension

Both consider the emotional states of people around them when stressful situations arise even though their own emotions are running high, but in different ways

CG gets Boreale and Diomedes out of the room when he’s fighting with Magnus, but makes no attempt to comfort them

Custodisi comforts Whammudes when both are terrified by Cegoratch, but beyond emotional support he makes no attempt to make the situation any better or to do anything beyond emotional comfort

TL;DR: CG focuses on action correcting the situation when considering others feelings, while Custodisi focuses on emotional comfort

As Magnus’ “love interest” they’re pretty different:

Custodisi chases Magnus while Magnus pursues CG

Magnus and CG both help push the other towards the character development that they have in place and in many of my interpretations can’t grow close together until/unless they do said character development, while I think a genuine Custodisi/Magnus pairing would work pretty well even if all character development just stopped for both of them

The ways in which their respective character development as encouraged/assisted/pushed on by Magnus exists is parallel in it’s execution- both gain something that can or does help them stand up to Emps

CG gains more of a spine through calling out Magnus’ bullshittery- which we haven't seen come to Emps-related fruition yet but it does seem likely it will

Meanwhile Custodisi accepts and learns to recognize the sins of the Emperor. Most of this is through reading The Last Church but he mentions Magnus and the trial of Nikea specifically in his accusations

Speaking of, the character development that Magnus’ presence helps push CG and Custodisi towards parallels in how Magnus is present and plays an influence

In CG’s case it’s through Magnus’ mistakes, and his direct interactions traveling with CG

For Custodisi it’s the ways in which Magnus was wronged, and through observing his life as an outsider

In my more headcannon based world of TTtD, both CG and Custodisi start with purely lustful interest towards Magnus for his body. Custodisi falls in ‘love’ through observing Magnus’ past, and doesn’t develop any interpersonal relationship with Magnus prior to falling in love. CG meanwhile keeps the two separate for a long, long time, finding friendship and companionship in Magnus first, and from a narrative standpoint he’s kind of more attracted to ‘future’ Magnus in the sense that ‘future’ Magnus has to become reality before CG will be able to trust him with his heart (ie Magnus needs character development before CG can fall in love- again something I like in a fictional pairing that I can’t like in real life because fiction lets you orchestrate it so that character development can coincidentally work like that without any of the creepy aspects of one character changing solely for love or one character changing another into the kind of person they want to be with)

CG’s eventual attraction to Magnus builds in real-time from experiences and events they share, and is a result of their platonic relationship growing closer

Custodisi’s attraction to Magnus builds from his mental image of Magnus, and in his mind he slowly imagines a bond between them increasing in strength over time

Likewise in my headcannon interpretations of the characters, CG undergoes character development started by outside forces that Magnus contributes to by coincidence of personality types. Custodisi undergoes character development largely in reaction to his desire for Magnus

And on a 100% headcannon basis, I like to imagine both characters are Switches, both in terms of pitching and catching AND in terms of dom/sub. Both are, I imagine, are also fully willing to use sex for purely carnal pleasure and have done so

Custodisi has no sexual limits, isn’t bothered by immorality, and carnal pleasure is the end-game of his sexual goals.

ONE interpretation has him use sex without any acknowledgement of interpersonal bond-strengthening tied into it

SECOND interpretation has him use sex with bonds included, but sex is a required trait of all bonds. If he doesn’t want to screw you, you are a non-entity to him. Whether those bonds are brotherhood (other Custodes), servitude (Emps), superiority (implied to be CG), or ‘romance’ (Magnus) there’s no relationship at all unless there’s sex involved in some capacity

CG meanwhile has a firm basis of consent that’s important to him on both receiving and giving end, and he also uses sex also as thereputic activity- though that’s entirely separate from purely carnal sex.

CG’s behavior is the same, though the comparisons with Custodisi differ depending on my interpretation of Custodisi, so I’ll put both

ONE interpretation has CG also see sex as a bonding experience and a potential conduit for deeply personal relationships, as it was with Shadowsun

SECOND interpretation has CG hold sex as a potential aspect of interpersonal relationships, not a defining factor. Some relationships don’t need sex at all, of his some powerful bonds are asexual, and he can feel completely different about a person’s sexual appeal to him than he does to their personality (as with Magnus, and probably many of the people he’s slept with- perhaps even Shadowsun if they never did BDSM [as that would mean he trusted her with his heart and with his emotions and who he is, but they didn’t have and didn’t need a reflection of that trust to occur in the bedroom])

Of course there’s also just the fact that sex dominates Custodisi’s life in every or almost every aspect, whereas I imagine CG is actually freakier that Custodisi, but he keeps his sex life private

Also just to get this out of the way the entire next paragraph is a spoiler for my fanfic Three Times they Don’t so it’s behind the cut.

I’d had a plan for TTtD where Magnus and CG play a tabletop game and Magnus is the GM and is a terrible railroader- but CG is able to deal with that. Their campaign would be largely off-screen but the audience would see enough to know that it’s the plot of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It wouldn’t be until their second campaign, where CG broke the rail-roading by abusing pre-established time-travel mechanics that things got interesting for the game. When I saw this episode I was surprised Magnus wasn’t as terrible of a railroader as I thought he’d be, mostly trying to gently push the party onto the track he wants until the piss him off. As I wrote this ramble up I realize I can retain this without breaking fully off cannon yet, with Magnus having to loosen up a bit through the second campaign- although CG still lets him get away with too much railroading, which sets the stage for the cannon special 6. Yay, character development in-progress and fitting into cannon, I don’t have to drop the ideas I already had.