#so i am actually not going to fulfill the letter of your request

[hand-picked-star]

The 13th Anniversary Arshi Fiesta

Moodboard :Historical AU

Whispers of the Heart | Chapter 16

I am not very good at writing ffs. I even read ffs very selectively. But it was an attempt of me to participate in the 13th-anniversary arshi fiesta.

I might be wrong about certain aspects of that age and era, but it's a fantasy, so why not? I don't own Arnav and Khushi and the story is purely fictional and has no relation to any living or dead. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

WARNING: 18+, MATURE CONTENT

Chapter 16

Dear Arnav,

I am writing with the last hope of reaching out to you with my words. I know you don't want to talk to me, and that is completely justified. This is my last attempt to contact you. I will not disturb you again.

First of all, I just wanted to say sorry for hurting you and your family unknowingly. I didn't know your father was married. As a sixteen-year-old girl with eyes full of rosy dreams, I couldn't resist the charm of my handsome neighbour. I was living with my old mother as my father died in the war when I was very young. Your father did marry me under my mother's persistence. And these are no justification for how I hurt your mother. I am truly sorry for what happened because of me. I didn't know any of that until your father shot himself.

Shortly after your father's death, I discovered I was pregnant. My mother refused to take any responsibility for me, so I moved to the other side of the city to start a new life with my baby. But perhaps God is punishing me for my misdeeds. I am dying. My liver is completely destroyed. The doctors say I only have a few months to live.

I had completely lost all hope, but one day I saw you at the farmer's market. You looked so much like your father, and upon asking, I learned your name. I knew in my heart that you were his son. I know it's extremely selfish of me to ask for your help, but you are the last hope of this dying mother. Please take care of my daughter after I die. She is only eleven. After I pass away, her only options will be either an orphanage or the street. I don't have any relatives left. Please, Arnav, take care of your sister. You are her last hope.

And if possible, please forgive me. I am leaving my address on the back. If you can, please visit us, your sister would like to meet you too. Even if you don't want to fulfil my request, I would still like the chance to apologize to you face-to-face.

Natalia Singh Raizada

As Khushi read the letter she found on the coat rack, which must have fallen from Arnav's coat, she felt her world flip upside down. Her mind went back to their fight last night, and Khushi remembered all the horrible things she had said to him. In every way she could hurt him, she hurt him where it hurt the most.

Last night, Arnav came back after a few hours and then locked himself in the study. Khushi spent the night on the living room sofa as she couldn't go back to the bed they shared and fell asleep in the wee hours of dawn. Arnav went to work before she woke up. Now, Khushi sat at the dining table with the letter, looking at the cold toast and omelette he had made for her. The food made her cry, not because it was cold but because the person who had made them. She had hurt him terribly. Still he was considerate enough to make breakfast for her. She polished off the plate like it was the most delicious meal she ever had.

Khushi knew she had to apologize to him. She would bear all his anger and do whatever it took for his forgiveness. An overwhelming sense of failure as a wife, as a best friend, as a lover gripped her heart in a vise-like grip. She had known him her whole life. He had always taken care of her. He had defied his conscience, risked facing scrutiny from the society and her babuji's wrath to marry her, always providing her with the best of his world. All she needed to do was love him and trust him. And she had failed at that.

She had reached a conclusion without verifying the facts, believing him to be a liar, all because she felt insecure. She had believed someone's words who clearly wanted to drive a wedge between them, instead of believing her husband.

As time seemed to crawl by, each minute feeling like an eternity until Arnav returned, Khushi found herself unable to sit still. In an effort to occupy her mind and pass the agonizing wait, she began meticulously cleaning the house, hoping the physical activity would distract her from the tumultuous thoughts swirling in her mind.

Arnav returned very late at night, entering the house silently. Khushi had been waiting for him in the living room. When she saw him, she stood up, and they stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

"Did you have dinner?" Khushi broke the silence, her hands wringing continuously.

Arnav nodded silently, looking at the floor, and turned towards the study, likely intending to spend the night there. However, he stopped midway when she called his name.

"Arnav... I'm sorry," her voice caught, but she managed to get the words out. Khushi was so ridden with guilt that she couldn't say anything more.

Arnav nodded silently. "It's okay," he said, still looking at the floor. When Khushi didn't say anything further, he spun on his heel to go to the study, locking the door behind him. Khushi walked up to the door and tried to knock, but instead, she placed her hand flat against the wood and pressed her cheek against it, desperate to feel his presence through the door.

(end of flashback)

That was seven days ago when Khushi apologized to Arnav. Although Arnav said it was okay, things were not the same anymore. He didn't sleep in the study anymore, but he didn't hold her in bed either. He didn't reject her touch though. But one time when Khushi draped her hand across his chest, he stiffened. Khushi withdrew her hand silently as her whole body burned with hurt. She never thought her touch would hurt him someday. He hadn't touched her at all, and it was the longest they had gone without being intimate with each other. He only replied when asked a direct question and couldn't even look at her. His nonchalance had made Khushi so emotional that she couldn't initiate a heart-to-heart conversation with him. All her words had jumbled into a giant mess. Khushi feared whether she had killed the part of him that loved her. She was terrified he wouldn't be able to forgive her for how she had hurt him. That was the one past he had tried to escape his whole life, and her behaviour, her accusations, brought him back to square one. Khushi could feel he was hurting but didn't know how to make things right.

All these thoughts swirled around her head as she sat on the bench. She usually sat there every afternoon, feeding the swans that gathered in their front yard. Some of the swans had become friendly and let her pet them. One such swan came to her, seeking attention. Overcome with emotion, Khushi hugged the swan and let go of the tears she had been holding back. She missed Amma so much. Amma would know what to do in this situation, how to talk to the love of her life, and how to break down the wall he had built around himself. As Khushi calmed down, she thought she knew what Amma would say. Amma would say that Khushi just had to apologize sincerely. She had to make things right between them, and for that, she needed to talk to him and bare her heart and soul.

She gathered herself up and went inside the house. She changed her saree and tried to present herself a little better. But Devyani ji came and whisked her away to a nearby tea party. It was already dark when she returned, and she knew Arnav was home by his shoes at the door. But he was not in the bedroom, and the study door was closed. It was no surprise that he was there. Khushi sighed sadly, realizing her opportunity of talking to him for that day was gone. She went to their bedroom to change for bed. One of his shirts was lying there on the back of a chair. She took it in her hand and brought it to her nose, pressing her face in it. Tears gathered in her eyes. She took the shirt and wore it over her pyjama bottoms. Instantly, his scent engulfed her in a tight embrace, making her miss him even more.

Not being able to get into the bed without him, she went across the living room to the study door. She knew it was locked but still gave it a try to twist the doorknob. Surprisingly, it was open. She went inside silently and spotted him lying on the sofa, sleeping soundly, still in his work clothes. There were dark circles under his eyes. She wondered if it was more peaceful for him to sleep here than with her. Khushi missed his touch so much. She sat on the floor near his hip and softly, without trying to disturb him, placed her head on the side of his thigh and closed her eyes. This little touch would have to do for now, she thought to herself.

But Arnav's eyes flew open, and he got up with a start, surprised to see Khushi on the floor.

"What are you doing down there? Come here," Arnav said, grabbing her by the shoulders and making her sit on the sofa, face-to-face with him.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I just couldn't sleep, so I came here and found you on the sofa," she prattled on, clutching her night clothes.

The Arnav looking at her was the Arnav she knew and loved throughout her life, not the one who couldn't even look at her. And Khushi's dam broke. She continued looking at him as her tears became uncontrollable, and she started talking rapidly, hardly making any sense.

"Arnav... I am so sorry... what I did was wrong... I shouldn't have done that... I am so sorry... please, forgive me," she let out with great difficulty amidst her hiccups.

"Shhh... Khushi, it's ok....stop crying," He took her face in his hands, wiping her tears urgently with his thumb. Khushi placed both of her hands over his on her face.

"No, it's not ok. What I did was completely wrong. I should have talked to you, I should have believed you."

"Why didn't you?"

"I...I felt so.... I don't know why she made me feel that way, Arnav.....She, I mean, Ms. Kashyap... " She took a deep breath and continued, "When I found out about her last summer, I thought you would marry her. And I loved you, and I assumed you didn't love me back.... that you loved her. My mind kept forming scenarios with you and her. It was.....it was horrible." She paused for a bit and then whispered, ".....But it isn't an excuse for what I did, or what I said. It was wrong."

Arnav looked at her with an unreadable expression, grasped both of her hands in his and raised them to his lips. He placed a kiss on her knuckles as he got lost in his thoughts. But Khushi wasn't finished.

"And then I saw you coming out of that lady's house." Arnav's eyes snapped to meet hers.

"Which lady?"

"Who came to our house the other day."

Realization dawned on Arnav as she continued talking. "And the lady has a 'Raizada' in her name. I should have been smarter. I judged too quickly. I thought of the worst..." Khushi lowered her eyes and continued, "I read the letter she sent you. It might have fallen from your coat jacket... "

As Arnav absorbed all the facts and contempleted about what she had actually thought, his face became horrified.

"Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry," Arnav said, engulfing her in his arms. Khushi clutched the back of his shirt tightly with both hands, hiding her face in his neck. Arnav held her close by her waist, gently rubbing her back to soothe her. "Shhh... I should have told you about her sooner, but I was caught off guard. I wasn't ready to deal with her yet."

"You don't get to say sorry today," Her voice muffled in his neck, tears soaking his shirt. "I am sorry. I should have believed in you." She let go of his shirt and peppered kisses all over his face.

"Shhhh... calm down," he said, taking her in his arms again. As she calmed down, their heartbeats synchronized against each other. Her limbs felt heavy.

Arnav brought her face to meet his and cupped her cheeks to wipe the remnants of tears. Her hands wrapped around his wrists instantly. She was starving for his touch and his thumb tracing her cheeks gently made her believe that everything was right in her world again. He tilted her head slightly to look in her eyes.

"And I am sorry about Lavanya too," he said softly. When Khushi was about to protest, he silenced her with a shake of his head. "There was nothing between her and me, Khushi. And I am saying this for the last time," he whispered, touching their noses together, their breaths intermingling.

And, then he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "I've loved you for the last two years, Khushi and I love you now..... and I'll love you even when you have some of your front teeth missing." This made both of them laugh and their laughter dissipated some of the sadness around them. As their skin continued to touch, the air filled with a different kind of electricity.

"We probably should talk some more," Arnav murmered in the space between them.

"We can always talk tomorrow."

Their lips met with a fierceness that surprised both of them. All the hurt, guilt, longing, and anxiety blended together, transforming into this fiery exchange. Arnav pulled her onto his lap, clutching her waist in a bruising grip, while she clutched his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair, holding on desperately.

Soon, Their kiss calmed down, transforming into a more languid and relaxed pace, the frantic energy calming into something more smooth- a contained burn rather than a wildfire. His fingers traced a tender path along her jawlines, her hair and settled into the curve of her neck. She responded by pulling him closer as a silent plea for more. Their bodies moved in sync, drawing closer until there was no space left between them. Her hair cascaded around them like a curtain, cocooning them from the outside world.

His hands, full of desire, began to wander across her body, moving slowly but purposefully toward her chest. With a gentle squeeze, he caressed her soft curves over the shirt she was wearing, eliciting a shiver from her as she felt his body responding accordingly underneath hers. Breaking the kiss Arnav looked at her deeply, both of them breathing heavily. His hands continued to explore, tenderly tracing the contours of her form. He undid the first two buttons of the shirt and placed a kiss on the centre of her chest. He continued unbuttoning and kissing the newly exposed skin as he went, gradually revealing her body inch by inch.

A soft whimper escaped her lips, when his fingertips came in contact with her naked skin, their roughness grazing her soft and sensitive flesh, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her body. He wrapped his lips around one of her hardened peaks and sucked it softly.

Cradling his head in both of her hands, She placed a soft kiss on the crown of his head, then on his forhead, his eyebrows and kept planting tiny kisses in between soft gasps wherever her lips could reach as he showered her chest with attention. His lips and tongue explored each inch of her with tender care. His kisses travelled to her collarbone and neck as he asked against her skin, "And why are you wearing my shirt?"

"Because it smells like you, and I was missing you," she whispered into his ear, placing a soft kiss before sinking her teeth into his earlobe.

"Did you just bite me?" A smirk threatened to form on his lips as he looked at her sternly.

"I might have." Khushi bit her lower lip to control her giggle.

"You know I can bite you back, don't you?"

"You will bit me back anyways."

"Tell me to stop biting you and I will. I am an obedient husband after all." They grinned at each other, eyes twinkling with mirth. "And stop biting your lips, that's my job."

Arnav pressed his lips to hers and as promised nibbled on her lower lip. They began undressing each other. When Khushi tried to take off the shirt, he stopped her and said in between kisses, "Keep it on. It looks good on you."

He carefully positioned her in his lap again by holding her by her bottoms and they both hissed at the contact. Khushi steadied herself by gripping his shoulders as he slowly guided her down onto him, inch by inch. She whimpered in his neck as he sheathed himself into her to the hilt. Without delay, he began to move her in a steady rhythm, repeatedly filling her as her nails dug into his skin. His each deliberate and measured move sent waves of pleasure through both of them. Her soft gasps near his ear, as his length pressed deeply into her, causing shivers to run down his spine. His hands glided along her back, her sides, her bottom, her thigh, everywhere he could reach. And she melted into him. Her breathing quickened and she pressed her lips fervently against his as she surrendered herself to the sensation.

Khushi alternated between kissing him and gazing at his eyes, as she moved over him. She explored every inch of his skin available to her with soft, lingering kisses. From his neck to his jaw, his shoulders to his nose, as if she worshipped him with her lips. Her hardened peaks brushed against his chest as his hands gently controlled her movement. Their rhythm was unhurried, akin to a slow dance. In between deep strokes, he held her tightly for a bit and simply breathed her in with his forehead resting on her collarbone, his breath tickling her skin, while her fingers combed through his hair.

As Khushi savoured every moment of their togetherness, she realized she liked gazing into his eyes up close like this. She was captivated by the emotions swirling in his caramel-brown gaze. There was an intensity in his touch, in his kiss, his gaze tonight, that unsettled Khushi. And she hated it. It wasn't the kisses or the touch she disliked, but rather the fact that she made him feel like he needed to reassure her of his love. He didn't need to. Not anymore. She knew he loved her and she promised herself to always trust in his love. Now, she needed him to have the same faith in her as well.

"I love you," she said, cupping his face and gazing deeply into his eyes, feeling a slow, intense fire threatening to consume her.

"I know," he whispered as he closed the distance between their lips. As he deepened the kiss, one of his hands joined her body where they were joined. With time, they both welcomed the fire that ran through their veins as the sensation wrapped them in its warm embrace.

"I love you more than you know,'' she breathlessly murmured against his lips.

<previous> | <next>

@arshifiesta @featheredclover @phuljari

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

hi! could you write cute relationship headcanons with ferid bathory? tyy!

Inside me are two wolves: one of them wants to stick to canon, and the other wants to fulfill requests to the letter. I am the mediator in their bloody battle as I try to find out how the actual fuck to write sweet fluff about a psycho vampire who murders orphans for fun and threatens to molest children. You guys just love to make me think, don't you?

Tw: Suggestive content. Listen, Ferid is Ferid.

Fluff with Ferid Bathory~

Same as usual, snatched the images off Pinterest.

🤍♦️ Well, for starters he is always clinging to you. He seems to always need to be touching you at every second. Doesn't matter what you're doing, he's gonna wrap his arms around you, drape himself over you, and kiss every inch of exposed skin. He especially loves to distract you from doing any projects or work you're trying to finish.

🤍♦️ Ferid is nothing if not playful. That being said, his version of 'play' might be a little different from yours. It's really him just trying his absolute best to get on your nerves and get you to react. He'll chase you around with a spider dangling from his fingertips to get a good reaction out of you. He also enjoys fun games such as tag, hide-and-seek, and play-wrestling. He knows he's going to win easily, but it's fun to see just how long he can keep the game going. Literally every game is cat and mouse for him. I think you know who's who.

🤍♦️ The best way to get him to be somewhat more soft with you is to make him actually love you. How do you do that? The answer is much more simple than you realize: beg for his attention. That's right, you heard me. Ferid has this desperate, subconscious need to feel wanted. That's why he has such a strong begging kink. Letting him know that you like his attention and want more fills that empty hole inside him, and he gets addicted quickly. He might not realize it at first, but eventually he'll come to the conclusion that he cannot live without you, and he will act accordingly.

🤍♦️ He will spoil you even more than he already does. Your life will very suddenly get a whole lot better, and it might make you a little suspicious at first. This is Ferid trying to impress you. He's basically making the statement that he can provide for you much better than anyone else can, so clearly he's the best and you should stay with him. Sure, he could just keep you hostage like he's basically already doing, but he's smarter than that. He knows that if you actually want to stay with him, then that decreases the chances of someone trying to 'save' you from him. He wants you to choose him over potential freedom.

🤍♦️ He will become even more possessive of you, and PDA will increase dramatically. He needs to let everyone know who you belong to. If he feels like someone is getting a little bit too close to you, he might stage a scenario where they 'accidentally' catch you two having a bit of fun (poor Mika has been the victim of this several times, because he feels sorry for you and keeps trying to talk to you). He simply cannot risk someone taking you away from him, and will do whatever it takes to keep you by his side.

🤍♦️ He will begin to take an active interest in pleasing you, both in the bedroom and out of it. And suddenly, he cares about giving you aftercare. Again, this is him saying that he's the best partner for you. Surely no other human could please you the way he can! He isn't wrong, of course. This bastard is extremely clever and observant, and a very quick learner. He knows what you like. (He'll also get a lot more needy, so watch out for that.)

🤍♦️ He will, in fact, attempt to join in any activities you enjoy. He'll watch TV with you, play games, learn how to sing, dance, paint, literally anything just to spend as much time as possible with you. He might never figure out why, but you are the one thing he'll never get bored of and he NEEDS your attention. Just give it to him, it's not like you can avoid him.

🤍♦️ Soft cuddles will become a thing. He loves to hold you and kiss you, and it makes his heart melt when you relax into his arms. It makes him feel so loved when you show him that you trust him and are comfortable enough to let your guard down around him, and he is shamelessly addicted to the feeling. And if you decide to turn the tables and spoil him with affection? You're going to be stuck with him forever.

🤍♦️ He will stay in bed with you all night, every night, even though he doesn't sleep. The fact that you are comfortable enough with him to fall asleep in his arms, even when he hasn't thoroughly exhausted you, has him almost in tears. He'll wake you up in the morning by covering your face in kisses!

🤍♦️ Ferid is capable of being a fantastic romantic partner, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to draw it out of him, and then to be able to handle how needy he gets when you finally do manage it. But chances are, if you're the kind of person that would willingly beg for his attention, you're the kind of person that can handle it!

[j0kers-light]

An Open Letter

To Anon:

You just don't know how much I appreciate you. You understand that I am human and make mistakes lots of mistakes but you continue to pour your love and support into this hobby of mine, simply because you want to.

You understand this is all for funs and giggles and never hold things over my head when I'm lazy or take too long to update or get frustrated and fall into a writer's block.

You know I like naps and understand I do not have a solid posting schedule and that I fail to delete that unnecessary comma or misspell words frequently. You look past all of that and see a masterpiece.

Even when things don't make sense or when I drop another cliffhanger with no explanations of where this story is going, you are there. You like my work, leave a comment, or share it with your friends in secret. You support me just by acknowledging my work. I cannot thank you enough.

You are my best friend, my beloved stranger,--- DO NOT THINK IM IGNORING YOU! I read every interaction and every comment I receive and giggle uncontrollably, clutching my phone. "They actually liked it!! I have to do better next time!" Thus why I take so long to edit because I want my final product to be perfect just for you.

You are never a bother and yes I mean it. Flood my asks with all the requests because let me tell you a secret. 🤭

This blog, where I write about a silly little fictional character, is my only form of entertainment. I literally do nothing else. I love filling oneshot requests, head canons, and drabbles. I love interacting with others and sharing my creative mind. I look forward to fulfilling every one of your requests and ideas because its what I look forward to at the end of the day. They will get posted, just give me some time.

Yes, I am human and I need to sleep and eat (and unfortunately work) but know this. I will always reply. I will never stop writing! Hehe, I already had hand surgery and posted chapters mid recovery. I'll do it again too because I love to write. And read..

Anyways. I love you anon! --Don't mind me I woke up from a nap mad emotional and started typing -- 🖤✨

[stephlynndrawings]

fulfillment of a prompt given over on @nirnwrote's discord server "I'll stay as long as you need." (I didn't end up taking this as a trauma prompt but i still like how it turned out)

It was months after the twins reunited and parted ways when Elruin got a letter from the Temple of Kynareth saying that her sister had turned up at the gates of the city burning hot with fever and that while they could get her healed, the bosmer refused treatment without her Dragonborn sister there. 

As she got ready to travel from her home in Falkreath, Elruin thought her sister’s attitude about it ridiculous. She had no idea what possessed her sister to demand the temple send for her when they were more than capable of healing her just fine, but she would go anyway.

Revyn watched her rummage through her pack, eating the breakfast they both had made for themselves and their kids before the letter came, “Are you sure about this, Love? You don’t owe her anything.” The Brunette sighed, “I know, but Elegrin never liked being sick. Plus, when we last saw each other, she seemed to want to make things right between us. I should at least try.” She smiled weakly. She stood up and slung her pack on her back, ready to head out. Before she could get to the entryway, her children came running to her with drawings in their hands.

“Give these to Auntie El for us Mama!” Lucia pleaded, her chocolatey brown eyes wide and pleading. 

Elruin couldn’t deny them such a request and after carefully -”So they don’t tear, Ma!”- putting them in her bag, she was off and riding the carriage to the walled city. 

Little under six hours of heavy thought passed and Elruin soon strolled through the gates of Whiterun in the mid evening. The citizens who knew her waved but otherwise she wasn’t delayed to her arrival at the temple, her presence being noticed by one of the healers, Danica Pure-Spring. 

“Ah, my Thane, are you here to see your sister?” She asked as she approached. She wiped her hands on her yellow robes, a kind smile on her face. 

The dragonborn nodded and smiled in return, “Yes I am, sorry I couldn’t get here earlier.” She replied, her smile turning sheepish. 

“It’s no problem, we’ve been keeping her as comfortable as possible though her illness has gotten more severe since we sent word to you.” She  explained as she guided the bosmer through the temple and to a private room. There on the bed, in leather armor, laid Elegrin. Her eyes were shut tight as she grimaced, her face flushed and sweaty. 

“What does she have? The letter doesn’t say.” “Bone break fever. We wanted to start healing her the moment she was brought to us, but she was very adamant that she wanted you here. You know, until she said who her sister was, I had been under the impression that you had no siblings.” Danica said, chattering on as she changed the cloth on the afflicted bosmer’s forehead. 

Elruin sighed and pulled a chair up to her sister’s side, carefully grabbing a pale and clammy hand, well aware of the fact that every inch of her twin’s body would be in agony. 

“We’re twins, actually. But we have been apart for far too long.” She explained carefully, not wanting to delve into her complicated past with her sister. 

The blonde on the bed seemed to notice her sister’s arrival and cracked an eye open, her eyes glassy and unfocused, “Rumi?” She croaked.

The younger sister’s face softened at the long forgotten nickname, grasping the hand in hers just a bit tighter, “I’m here, and I’ll stay as long as you need. Sound good?” She asked. She knew how much her sister feared going to healers. She also wanted her sister to know that she would be willing to try and make amends and grow closer, setting aside their childhood drama.

Elegrin hummed in agreement before a tear slipped down her face, understanding the hidden message loud and clear, “Sounds good.”

As Danica started to start the spell, Elruin pulled out the drawings the children had done, holding them for her sister to see, “When Lucia and Blaise heard you were sick, they rushed off during breakfast to make these for you. Just know that you are more important than lavender honey bread.” 

Although the spell was lessening the illness, Elegrin still sounded choked up as she gazed at the pictures her niece and nephew drew for her, “I’m honored.”

[akuaya-stories-tl]

[SR] [Dia] Everyday Life In Chagran

Chapter 1: Sweets Buffet

Fiori: Prince, what are you reading today?

Dia: ...

Fiori: Hey, I'm asking~

Dia: Why are you here.

Fiori: Jeez, this is because you keep ignoring me. I went out of my way to pass a message from Espada here~!

There's a bit of a trouble, so the afternoon teatime preparation was delayed.

Dia: ... I see.

Fiori: Just hearing that teatime is delayed is enough for you to grow wrinkles between your eyebrows? You lose your temper too quickly, Prince~

Dia: I'm not angry. Check out this book.

Fiori: ... Ah, this is the special feature on the latest sweets from the Imperial Capital? So Prince was reading things like this~!

Dia: I try to gain knowledge without bias.

Anyway... it's also mentioned in this, but do you happen to know "Sweets Buffet"?

Fiori: Absolutely ♪

It's an event where you can eat sweets as much as you like. It's all the trend at the Imperial Capital lately.

Dia: ... I see.

Although Espada's stained glass cookies are delicious, it'd be fun to have a wide variety of sweets you can choose once in a while.

[drops!]

Fiori: Hm? What's that sound... it's from outside the room?

Dia: ...

Fiori: I know it's you, Espada! Your face looks pale... Are you alright?

Espada: ...

Fiori: You dropped all the cookies. Such a waste~

Dia: ... Espada.

Espada: No... I apologize. I'll prepare another new one.

[leaves]

Fiori: ... Prince, Espada definitely overheard our conversation just now.

Dia: ... Looks like it.

Espada's expression then... I feel like we have a huge misunderstanding.

Dia: That Fiori's finally back to her room. She should read her own book in her own room... Seriously.

... Hm?

This is...

What a huge jar... There are cookies in it.

Red, yellow, white... It's densely packed with all sorts of cookies.

But it doesn't seem like he put the usual stained glass cookies for me inside...

Attached to this jar is... a letter?

Espada: I am deeply regretful for being unable to infer your demand.

From now on, I'll strive to provide Lord Dia with a wide variety of sweets.

Dia: I knew it... This is turning out to be a troublesome matter.

Now then, what should I do.

Chapter 2: Sweets Buffet

Espada: Lord Dia, I am terribly sorry.

Dia: I didn't summon you here to hear you apologize.

Espada: However, it is within my duty to understand your requests even when you put no words in it, and to fulfill them beyond your expectations.

And yet, I was unable to do it... I am incredibly ashamed of my own immaturity, I am very sor—

Dia: I've said enough with those apologies.

... It's not like I'm particularly fed up with your stained glass cookies.

The cookies in the jar you made today were delicious as well.

Espada: ...!

I'm truly glad to hear it.

Dia: Look at this book.

Espada: Yes... A "Sweets Buffet"?

Dia: Indeed, it appears that it's an event where you can eat sweets as much as you like.

Although your stained glass cookies are delicious, it'd be fun to have a wide variety of sweets you can choose once in a while.

That's what I was talking to Fiori about.

Espada: I see, so that's what happened.

Lord Dia is concerned about me. How kind of him...

For Lord Dia's sake, what I can do now is...!

Fiori: What happened to this only yesterday!?

Usually the teatime consists of black tea and cookies, but...

Cakes, macarons, pies, puddings... There are ice creams and fruits too!

Isn't this the "Sweets Buffet" we've talked about yesterday?

Actually, I wanted to go eat at the buffet after yesterday~! Thanks for doing this for me, Espada ♪

Espada: It's not for you.

Please enjoy yourself, Lord Dia.

Dia: Alright.

Fiori: Do you know how to eat it, Prince? I'll teach you how~!

Dia: No need, I've done my homework.

Fiori: Oh, I see. I'll enjoy them then~

Dia: ...

Espada: Lord Dia placed one of each dessert on his plate.

It looks like their appearances are approved. Now I just need to make sure it suits his taste...

Dia: Munch...

Fiori: Munch munch... The chocolate inside this cake is melting in my mouth...! The macarons are so delicious I'm gonna cry out of happiness~ As expected from Espada!

Dia: ...

Espada: How is it, Lord Dia...?

Dia: Not bad.

Espada: ...! I'm glad to hear.

Dia: I'll ask you to do it again.

Espada: Yes, I'll prepare it as many times as you like...!

[Fin]

[kass-storycorner]

Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

[eclipsednodes]

SHADOW WORK SIMPLIFIED

What is shadow work?

If I had to describe shadow work in one word, it would be introspection. Introspection is the examination of your own mental state and is necessary in order to learn more about your fundamental nature. Although it may sound off-putting and even scary at first, shadow work is a necessary component in the process of healing. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and hidden away out of fear. Through shadow work, we’re able to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and habits so that we can find the root cause of our suffering and heal ourselves. By reincorporating those aspects of ourselves that we’ve denied, we feel more fulfilled and can begin to love ourselves fully. 

Where does shadow work come from? 

The concept of the shadow self comes from Carl Jung who believed that our shadow self is the subconscious aspect, or “dark side”, of our personality that our conscious ego doesn’t identify with. However, I would like to clarify that “dark” does not imply or equate with bad. That which resides outside of our consciousness can be either good or bad, but aren’t inherently reflective of our value or “goodness” as a person. 

Although these repressed aspects of ourselves can manifest negatively, it isn’t because those parts of us are “bad”, but that the process of repression is inherently painful and toxic. This is reflected by Jung when he states, "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” He believed that until we’ve merged our conscious and subconscious selves, that our conscious would be “the slave of the autonomous shadow”. This is due to the shadow self overwhelming our conscious selves by falling victim to our own self-imposed traps. 

Through assimilating this shadow self, not over-identifying with it, Jung believed we go through the process of enantiodromia, thereby integrating the subconscious by reincorporating our shadow selves into our personality and allowing us to solidify ourselves through wholeness. He best described this by stating "assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak.” However, don’t fall into the misconception that shadow work is a short-term practice. Shadow work is a continuous practice and integration of the shadow self is a will take place throughout your life.

How do I do shadow work?

In the last question, I identified that practicing self-reflection is a key component of shadow work, but what does that mean? What am I supposed to be reflecting on? Well, the first thing that you should focus on is being present throughout the day. Identify feelings that come up throughout the day and observe them objectively. What situation or interaction triggered these emotions? How did I react to those emotions? Were my emotions controlling me or was I in control of my emotions? Why did this situation or interaction cause me to feel this way? How did I cope with those feelings (self-harming, lashing out at others, communicating my feelings, journalling, etc.)? Did I punish myself for getting upset? If so, why? 

There are numerous ways to reflect on your feelings and experiences in order to get a better understanding of yourself. Through evaluating how you react to situations, which situations upset you, and how you managed those feelings, you’re able to build the foundation to understanding your emotions and bridge the gap between your subconscious and conscious mind.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll find that the emotions you feel in the present are reflective of unhealed emotions from your past. Perhaps the reason you feel that you’re unable to set boundaries as an adult is because as a child, your parents never respected your boundaries by going through your phone or diary, yelling at you when you said no to a request, forcing you into situations that made you feel you had no choice. 

By identifying the root cause of your emotional pain, you’re able to address it in the present and heal from the trauma. The simplest way that I’ve found to address them is through journalling. You can purchase a physical journal or even use your notes app, either way, you’re writing out your feelings and reflections to gain deeper insight. It’s important to remember that this looks different for anyone and that the best way to approach shadow work is by doing what feels most natural! You can choose to stick to self-reflective journal prompts, vent about whatever is upsetting you, write letters to whoever has hurt you, etc. Ultimately, you can guide yourself based off of what you feel you need and where you are in your journey.

What parts of yourself do you find yourself rejecting the most? Many of us have experienced the pain of rejection in some aspects of our lives and sometimes, it’s incredibly painful and leaves us with long-lasting wounds. We end up going through our lives carrying baggage that we don’t even know we have! Many times, I’ve found myself wondering why I felt so repulsed by aspects of myself and why I felt so strongly that they needed to be locked away forever. I couldn’t allow myself or others to see my truest self, my whole self, out of fear. I was scared of being rejected, shamed, humiliated by the people around me. I was scared of hurting other people by being myself and of being hurt by others. That’s no way to live, is it? When we tell ourselves that aspects of ourselves aren’t good enough, we end up going through life devaluing ourself. We’ve broken our own trust by rejecting ourselves, we’ve told ourselves that we aren’t good enough or worthy of love. In shadow work, you’re called to go inward and unpack everything that we’ve kept hidden for years and sometimes even decades. 

Bring the parts of yourself that you’ve repressed to the surface and nourish them with love, allow yourself to see that ALL OF YOU is deserving of love and support. For you, that could mean unlearning your unhealthy beliefs about food or eating, allowing yourself to be emotional around the people you love (despite how much you were told that you were too emotional, a crybaby, too sensitive in the past), allowing yourself to relax without feeling guilty about not being productive because you recognize your needs (even though you feel your sense of worth is tied to being productive at the cost of your own health).

Common misconceptions about shadow work?

Shadow work is evil or bad, the shadow is evil or bad 

The purpose of shadow work is healing through working with your subconscious to release repressed aspects of yourself and heal from painful, traumatic experiences. Your shadow side is simply your unconscious and to believe that it’s bad is to believe that you are bad. It’s merely the part of yourself that you aren’t aware of consciously and shouldn’t be feared. 

Certain emotions are “bad”

When you let go of the idea that emotions are either good or bad, you’ll allow yourself to just be and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to feel “good” all of the time. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being so stop expecting to be all of the time, we have a range of emotions for a reason so stop being ashamed of them. Your feelings are natural and if you feel like they’re out of control and something to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong with that! It’s okay to feel like your emotions are controlling you because that isn’t permanent. Your feelings aren’t permanent and are completely manageable with proper guidance! The reason you feel like your emotions are controlling you is because you probably don’t have the knowledge to cope with them in an effective and healthy way. It’s helpful to sit with your emotions alone and look at them objectively without placing any judgement on them, this will help you calm down and assess your feelings. From there, you can identify what you need to relax and recover as well as acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are natural. When you stop categorizing your emotions as bad, they’re no longer shameful to experience and therefore you can see with better clarity how to cope with them and move on.

I’ve already released it so…

Why am I still upset?

Why does it still keep popping up in my head?

Why haven’t I moved on?

Why am I not making progress?

With the rise of self development and spirituality, I find that more and more people are rushing to complete their healing. Healing is a continuous, life-long cycle and not a destination. Putting the pressure on yourself to reach the place of ultimate healing is not only toxic, but it impedes your ability to actually heal anything. Healing is about love, compassion, and patience and it’s not going to happen according to a timeline. Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions, see them objectively, forgive yourself and others and move on without the pressure of expectations. 

 Another reason that you could be experiencing this is that despite the work you think you’ve done, it hasn’t been sufficient. I’ve found that a lot of journal prompts provided online are surface level at best and can be more pacifying than revealing. If you’re not feeling anything while doing your inner work, you’re not doing it correctly. Ultimately, this is about uncovering what makes us UNCOMFORTABLE and moving through those feelings. When you allow yourself to experience the sadness, hurt, anger, and/or frustration than you’re telling yourself that these feelings are okay and don’t need to be suppressed. The reality is that no matter what you’re feeling, you are allowed to experience those emotions and it’s only human! Unfortunately, many people associate lower vibrational emotions as bad, but this is a huge misconception! Telling yourself that anger, sadness, etc. are “bad” implies that you shouldn’t experience these emotions and that you have to get rid of them which is not only wrong, but unhealthy. There is no right or wrong emotions so don’t buy into the belief that you should feel a certain way, simply allow yourself to be and you’ll find that it’s much easier to navigate your emotions and needs. The only way to make it to the other side is by wading through the water, be patient and know that you’re feeling exactly what you should be. When you stop censoring yourself, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom and wholeness. 

 If you find yourself circling back to certain topics, for example, your ex-boyfriend than perhaps there are triggers in your environment that remind you of the situation, you have more that needs to be addressed that you may not have been ready for or aware of previously (hence why shadow work is a practice that is ongoing), or they’re representative of a deeper issue that you’re repressing. Whatever the cause is, the same methods as earlier will apply and can be discerned through your own intuition. 

What are some basic journal prompts that I can do?

What feelings come up when you think of ____?

How did that experience make you feel emotionally? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the other person or people?

Write a letter to yourself, your inner child, the people who’ve hurt you, and the people you’ve hurt. Express how you feel honestly, without holding back and then forgive yourself and the other person.

If you could say anything to yourself or another person for closure, what would it be?

How have these situations and experiences impacted your mental health? How have they affected your belief system about yourself, other people, and the world?

What about yourself are you ashamed of? What about yourself are you embarrassed of? What about yourself makes you angry? What do you regret? Why do you feel this way about yourself and where do these feelings stem from?

What makes you feel most alone? What makes you feel most loved? How can you incorporate that knowledge into your life to make it better?

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said or done to you? Why did it hurt you so much? How does it still affect you now? How can you heal from it and allow yourself to move on?

What do you need to forgive yourself for? What do you need to forgive others for?

Where do you feel you lack security in your life? Why? How does this impact your life and your relationships?

This is a list of generic prompts for you to start with, but feel free to message me if you need help with more specific topics or I can make another post altogether for journal prompts.

[chosenimagines]

Boring (Draco X Hufflepuff Fem!Reader X Harry)

Universe: (M) Harry Potter

Summary: Y/N has a free lesson and Draco helps her with her work. She is confused because their path never crossed and then Harry gets mad when he sees them. Y/N doesn’t know what is going on!

Used Prompts: -

Warnings: -

Language: English

Request: Yes/No

Can I request draco x hufflepuff dense fem reader x harry They trying to get reader to fall for them. (by Anon)

Requests [Open]

A/N: I am sorry that I didn’t fulfill the request of a dense Hufflepuff reader but being dense doesn’t make sense because of the traits of Harry and Draco neither of them wouldn’t be interested if she would be dense so I made her think she is boring. I hope you are okay with that! Again I am really sorry but it was tough to build a story…

This One Shot/Imagine can be found as well on my Wattpad ^^ My requests are open on Wattpad and Tumblr

🖊️    🖊️    🖊️   🖊️ ____________________________________________

Lame. Nice. Uninteresting. Inconspicuous. Words that have always been used to describe my life and personality. I had always believed -no I had been convinced of it- that I was far too boring for my fellow human beings. Too normal! Too usual. But I had ever known that I was miles wrong with the assessment of fellow human beings! 

I based it on statements that my family and my former muggle friends had made about me.  Therefore, my assumption had been quite logical!  Theoretically, I received the first proof to the contrary to my view at the age of eleven, when I received my letter from Hogwarts, and it became apparent to me that I was not a normal person but a witch. After all, magical powers in the world I grew up in were something extraordinary and special. Still, it hadn't changed my mind! I hadn't interpreted into it. Then I came to Hogwarts and quickly there was a new definition of "the same old". There were only two differences: New school and the magic in me found its way out. At Hogwarts, I was part of the average, so I stuck with my opinion. That's just the way it was! I had acceptable grades, got along with the material as much as possible, I learn for the lessons and the tests. In my spare time, I helped Professor Sprout and experimented with Neville in the greenhouse. There wasn't really more in my life. I had a weakness for Quidditch, but I didn't play. With the broom, I had never been skilled enough to remotely think of sharing the annual tryouts. That was my life! Unspectacular. Simple. Uncomplicated! I hadn't wanted to shape my life differently until sudden interest in me was shown...

"Hey, Y/N!" Neville appeared on my right. As agreeting, I gave him a smile. I was happy to watch him every time. He was my closest friend! "I'll take care of  our Mimbulus Mimbeltonia seedling later.Would you like to help me?" What kind of question was that? Of course I wanted to help him, so I nodded. "Of course I'mthere! My last hour today is magic potion, so where do we want to meet?" But Neville waved it off. "I'll pick you up  at the classroom! We go to Professor Sprout together." My smile got a little wider -mainly to encourage him. Neville was the dearest person I knew. I credited him with it, which I told Neville. "I'm looking forward to it!" I added. Already the shy Gryffindor haddisappeared after ashort wave. Relaxed I strolled on. I had the next two hours off and wanted to use them to do some homework that I was a little behind. But I didn't make it to the common room. In front of the library, someone stood in my way! Perplexed, I stopped. Draco Malfoy? I couldn't imagine what he  wanted from me. Carefree, I wanted to walk past him when his voice held me back. "What does someone like you want from Longbottom?" asked Draco to know. I did not answer him. If I was honest, I didn't understand the question. Someone like me? How did he see me? It didn't make sense to me. I shook my head and continued on myway. A moment later,  Draco grabbed my wrist. He pulled me to himself. My chest grazed his. We were so close that I could smell that he was wearing perfume. It smelled fresh; expensive. The scent suited him! "You didn't answer my question, Gorgeous." My breath stopped as Draco's finger gently stroked my cheek. I quickly turnedback to my politeness. "Neville and I work together in the greenhouse. We are close friends!", I replied. Again I tried to make my way to my common room. Again, I was held back by Draco. "Not so fast, Beautiful! What are you up to now? I'm free! Maybe I can help you.", he whispered to me. "I want to do my homework. But that's difficult!" To clarify my statement, I raised my hand, which Draco was holding. His face came even closer. The tip of his nose was only inches away from my cheek. "I could help you with that! I'm pretty good at school, you have to know...", he murmured in my ear. "Okay…", I breathed. I was completely overwhelmed when Draco pulled me into the library.

"You have to be careful! If you mix this herb with this one, the mixture will explode.", I explained to Draco, who shook his head laughing. "How thoughtless of me! Thank you." He hastily corrects the last sentence of his essay. "Are we-" "MALFOY, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" A violent hit hit Draco's temple and he fell from the chair. Harry then stepped into my field of vision. Harry?! Wait a minute, what was actually going on here? I didn't understand the world anymore! "KEEP YOUR DIRTY FINGERS OFF HER! LET THEM OUT OF YOUR PERFIDIOUS GAMES! SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!" Furiously Harry hit Draco and I sat there stiff. It was only at his next words that I was able to move. "JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE ME, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET IT ALL OUT ON Y/N, MALFOY!", he yelled. I ran towards the two rivals. With all my force I tried to drag Harry from Draco.  Although I used all my muscle power, I couldn't stop him from continuing to beat our classmate. "Harry, PLEASE! Let him go!", I pleaded over and over again. My words did not get through to the angry boy. But I didn't give up, I kept talking to him. Violence is not a solution. Especially not when the violence was absolutely pointless and unfounded! "Harry-", I tried again, but an elbow hit my eyebrow and I stumbled a few steps backwards. "Y/N! I'm so sorry. I didn't want that! I'm so sorry...", Harry repeated over and over. I gently but firmly knocked his hands away. "That's fine! ", I replied. I didn't blame him. "That was not your intention. But you beat Draco on purpose!", I resented him. Draco had already picked himself up and was now kneeling next to me. "I'm bringing you, Madam Pomfrey!", he said, giving Harry a look I couldn't interpret. Absent, I took Draco's hand, which he offered me to get up. "Thank you!" I murmured to myself. I didn't know if Draco heard it, but I didn't have a head for it. I was concerned  about the events of the last hour, because they made no sense. At least they didn't make sense to me! Draco Malfoy showed sudden interest in me and was unusually nice. Harry Potter physically attacked Draco Malfoyas he sat Draco and me together in the library. I couldn't explain it to myself, but I knew it wouldn't get boring in the future.

[lemonluvgirl]

Promise Me, Little Brother

In an alternate universe where Peeta doesn’t go into the Hunger Games with Katniss but his middle brother does, Katniss comes home a broken and weary victor in more ways than one. The Mellark family is devastated by their loss, and Peeta Mellark tries to deal with his intense feelings of grief and regret. 

Until one night Haymitch Abernath hands him a letter written by his late brother. A letter that demands Peeta fulfill a promise he made one year ago. The request is simple in theory. All Peeta has to do is work up the courage and actually talk to Katniss Everdeen. But the girl that left District 12 a year ago is not the same girl who came back home. Her nights are filled with horrors of mutts, dead children, and there’s blood on her hands. Including the blood of Peeta’s brother. 

How will the two star-crossed lovers reach each other in this alternate universe where they are separated by loss, guilt, and heartache? 

The only answer seems to be in the folded up letter Peeta carries around in his pocket. The one he can’t stop thinking about. 

Dear Little Brother,

If you’re reading this letter then that means Katniss made it home instead of me. I just want you to know that’s ok. I mean, it kinda sucks for me, but that doesn't matter really at this point. What does matter is that her winning doesn’t have to suck for you. Not for long anyway. You can grieve for a year, and let me go. Be sad if you want, until the next reaping. And if you’re not chosen, then have to stop moping. Because if she’s alive and you’re not going into the Games, then you still have a chance to keep your promise to me. You still have a chance to be happy.

I mean it, Peeta. You deserve to be happy. I know you would never wish for me to die. But shit happens, and sometimes there’s nothing you can do. I know it will hurt. I mean I am your favorite brother after all. The coolest. The smartest. And the best at giving advice on girls and sex. (Don’t listen to any of the shit Rye tells you about girls. It was a miracle or a fluke that he got the girlfriend he has now. And between the three of us, we all know I was always the stud). Sorry I won’t be there to impart more of my vast knowledge of the female species.

But I can give you this last nugget of wisdom. Don’t be a pussy. I’m serious. Just because you’re all sensitive and in touch with your emotions and crap doesn’t mean you can’t go after what you really want. And I know you want Everdeen. You have since before you could tie your shoelaces properly. That’s ok. You’ve always been the one to take after dad the most. But don’t follow in his footsteps. Don’t let your opportunity pass you by. And for the love of God, don’t fucking settle. Especially not to make mom happy. If you want to marry a wild Seam girl and have a dozen brown barefoot babies then just do it man. You deserve the life you want. You probably deserve it more than anyone.

So here, in this last letter that I will ever write I’m holding you accountable. I’m calling you out to be a man, and fulfill your oath. Quit selling yourself short Peet. You’ve got untapped potential to make that girl fall as hard for you as you have for her. You just gotta be brave enough to go for it. I want you to promise me that you’ll just take the fucking plunge already and talk to her. Ask her out, or hell even just be her friend at first if that’s what it takes, (she is kind of scary I’ll admit). But that doesn’t mean you can’t start living your life. Your best life, from now on. Do this for me, little brother. And if after you’ve given it your very best shot, it doesn't work out then you can count your promise fulfilled. But I highly doubt it won’t work out. You’re too nice. And Katniss Everdeen needs more nice things in her sad lonely life. Alright, that’s it. That’s all I want Peeta. And it’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. Wait, scratch that. No, I’ll ask you one more thing.

BE HAPPY. I don’t care how you do it, or how long it takes, or even how much happiness you find. Just find a way to do it okay?

Love you and all that crap,

-Lev.

P.S. I would also consider it a personal favor if you could try to get laid before you turn 30. But, I won’t make that a condition. Just take it as something I very strongly advise doing. Okay, now that’s really all I have to say. Bye, baby brother.

Read the rest of the story on AO3. 

[animeyanderelover]

Requested from @girliesanjose123

Request: Can I have prompt 68 with Indra Otsutsuki in a soulmate AU?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, harsh behavior, controlling behavior, kidnapping, violence, abuse

Prompt 68: “You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

"Don't even think about it." You flinched when you heard his cold and voice ringing through the cold air of the night, a wonderful addition to his icy tone. Just as quickly as your eyes had wandered to the forest and the idea of trying to make a run for it as soon as he was asleep, the idea left you again. Instead you just turned around, staring with a scared look in your eyes at the dancing bonfire. "I'm sorry. I won't think about it again.", you muttered quickly out, a habit you had formed due to past experiences with him.

You heard something akin to a dismissing hum from him before ot became silent between you two, the only thing that made this all not too suffocating or awkward were the random noises of the night, the crackling sounds of the fire and the swooshing created by the wind. It wasn't the first time that you two just sat there like this, not speaking to each other. You because you were too intimidated and had no idea on about what you could possibly talk about with him and him because he wasn't the very talkative type. And forcing him into a conversation wasn't very wise either, he got quickly annoyed with you.

Up until this day you had troubles believing that he was really the one you had been born to be with, your soulmate. And yet his name had been engraved on your wrist since your thirteenth year of life, written down in black letters without a chance to ever erase it again. Just like your name was written down on his wrist, he had never told you since when. The most detailed answer you had gotten from him had been that he had the mark on him since quite the long time.

Soulmates were totally romanticized in your opinion even though you understood to a very small degree why people wished to have a soulmate as well. The idea of having someone who was born to be with you and would experience something that could only be described with love at first sight was tempting to imagine. But sadly the dark side of having a soulmate was overshadowed, pushed away since people only wanted to see and hear what added up to the dream relationship in their mind.

There was no other choice than this one person who was your other half, not even if you fell for someone who seemed to fit you much more perfect. This was one of the most common misunderstandings people had about soulmates. They thought they were perfect for each other and loved each other conditionally. It was a lie. You had informed yourself, read a lot of reports and letters about it, even from people who had themselves a soulmate. And in more than a few people had described that their soulmate had been nothing near perfect, they had been lazy, selfish, mean and so much more. Some had even described how their soulmate had cheated even after they had met each other which had ended in a terrible heartbreak for both parts.

Having a soulmate didn't have to mean that they loved you as well, but once this happened, it ended in a terrible pain and depression for both parties and some had even said to die because of a broken heart. What a ridiculous thing to exist. Why would have a innocent who had done nothing wrong suffer because their soulmate had to be a dick without knowing each other even that well except the sudden attraction to each other and the knowledge that they were your soulmate?

So you had never been exactly happy when receiving that mark of yours, but everyone else around you had seemed to make a huge fuss about it. Friends and classmates had envied you for it and your neighbors had started almost gushing about the name written down on your wrist, starting to talk to you about how happy you must be to have one and how cute you would look together with them. You hadn't, but with that opinion you had been sadly alone. Even your parents had sugarcoated it, maybe because they were scared what might happen to you and this Indra if you would reject them.

But you had been completely right and you could bet that everyone in the village had sobered by now up from their delusions. If he would have kidnapped you silently, they would have assumed that you might have gone with him. But you hadn't. Instead you had tried to run away from him after only a few hours of knowing him. And you still remembered how the protests and comments to try to calm you down had died down the moment Indra had started demolishing everything in his way to catch you.

You didn't know until this day what had become of all the people in the village and if some of them were even alive. You hadn't seen much, but the short glances on the place that had used to be your home once had been enough to horrify you before you had passed out after looking in red eyes with three dots spinning inside of them.

You had by now given up asking to see your family again, every begging and pleading had been harshly and coldly shut down by him that by now you had pretty much lost all hopes. You had also given up on cursing whoever had decided to set you two up, there was nothing you could do and you had sadly no one to blame for this either, leading you to wallowing in self-pity.

The most frustrating was that you knew so little about him. He had never told you much and you had long ago lost the guts to ask him. You knew he was from far away, had left due to family issues and was planning to prove something. That was about all you knew about him next to his name and that he was insanely powerful. He could be a mass murder and you wouldn't kno. He on the other hand had wanted to know about everything about you and had forced it out of you. Well, maybe he would become more open over time. He wasn't someone who seemed to warm up quickly to a stranger.

That was probably why he was so distant and cold to you most of the time next to being very strict and controlling. He striked you as someone who viewed love and attraction as a weakness, but still seemed to be sane enough to know what would happen if he would have left you behind back then when he had met you for the first time. You had read that soulmates had gone crazy for their other half after meeting them and having to endure a longer time not touching them.

He was smart enough to fulfill those needs of his which sadly also fulfilled your needs. He hadn't engaged in anything too sexual so far, but even those forced touches of his had been enough to make you feel repulsed and yet also had pulled you closer to him. You blamed the soulmate bond for it. You knew too well that you would most likely not be able to stay like this forever, being already sometimes torn apart between your huge dislike for him and the always remaining attaction for him, the butterflies you felt whenever he seemed to become more nice and softer with you.

It was frustrating enough to make you feel like crying sometimes, you hadn't want any of this, but life had to be a bitch and decide to make him from all people in this world your soulmate. You just wished you had never been born with a soulmate or at the very least never met him. You hated how you always felt a painful stinging in your chest when he ignored you or hissed angrily at you.

You knew he had to feel the same, he had to suffer when avoiding you as well. But he was far more better in handling and hiding it than you were which was another rather hurting and harsh slap in your face. Didn't he care at all? You really just thought he was, the only reason he kept you around was because he didn't want to endure the full package of pain that came with just leaving your soulmate alone. He was just too hard to read.

And yet there were those moments where you almost got the feeling he was seeking for your touches and some sort of affirmation of you, only to push you moments later away from him and look like he had no idea what he had just done either. Such moments confused you greatly and seemed to irritate him just as much. So at the very least he seemed to slowly get pulled to you as well. Was this actually a thing to be glad or terrified over?

"Are you sulking again over the fact that we're soulmates?" His voice brought you out of your thoughtful gaze, noticing with a slight shiver that he was staring at you. You guessed you had stared too long at the mark on your wrist. You didn't know how to answer this, feeling scared that the wrong answer might lead to him getting angry again. You had learned to be careful around him, you felt most of the times like you were walking on eggshells whenever with him.

You opened your mouth shortly, only to close it again after not finding the strength to do as much as uttering a single word out. You had nothing to say if you were honest with yourself. "You're not going to answer me?"

Indra had shifted slightly closer to you, eyes drilling themselves into you with a piercing intensity. He hadn't activated them yet so that meant you were still in a green zone with him, he always activated them when he was pissed off because of something. A short glance at him made you almost believe that he seemed to display genuine curiosity right now.

You hesitated for a bit, not knowing whether to be honest with him or not. Lying was always an option, but a rather stupid one, he noticed always when you lied to him and he disliked it when you lied. "Yes, I am.", you answered for a few seconds of thick silence passing by, observing cautiously his reaction.

You had expected him to either not care or just becoming mad with you, but instead you always imagined for a second something akin to exhaustion flashing over his face. But it was so quickly gone that you weren't even sure if it had been there in the first place. But it had awakened some sort of interest in him, judging from the way his attention was now hooked on you. It made you tense up, playing with your fingers awkwardly.

"You know, I never asked you this before...But what do you think of me? Be honest." This question always made you choke on your own spit, gaping dumbfounded and majorly confused at him. His face gave no emotion away he could possibly feel right now. But from the way he was looking at you, you knew that he expeted an answer, a honest one, from you.

"You're not...what I expected." It was the only true yet subtle enough statement you could think off without saying anything that could offend him too openly.

It didn't seem to satisfy him though, he furrowed his eyebrows slightly at this very vague answer of yours. "Be more specific. I want to know."

If you would tell him, he would be angry with you, you were almost certain about it. Shouldn't it have been obvious from the way you were acting around him that you didn't like him? He couldn't be that oblivious. So if he already knew, why asking? Did he perhaps want to hear it from you personally?

"You're kind of...distant..." It sounded more like a question and you said it extremely slowly, unsureness dripping from every word. You kept by now an eye on Indra so you could react when he seemed to get offended by what you said. But at the moment he appeared to be calm, just listening and watching. "Continue."

"Well, if I'm being honest I feel a bit neglected from you. You're hard to read and I can't seem to understand what you sometimes even want from me. There are those moments where you treat me like I'm just air or some sort of dog you have to punish for bad behavior. And in other moments you are suddenly being all nice and friendly with me and almost act like you care before you snap out of it again and lash out on me. You're a bit confusing to be with and I just feel like you can't stand me at all since I make you acting like this. So emotionally."

There were quite a lot of unspoken things you could have added, but that would have taken a while and were far more offendingly than what you had put in words as politely as possible and told him just now.

He didn’t say anything which you just counted as a good thing, it meant he wasn’t mad at you...At least yet. Who knew with him and his temper. “So I take it that you don’t like me, do you?”

You quirked yourself eyebrow a few millimeters upon hearing the undertone in his voice, scanning his face. He was not angry, you could tell. It was something else right now for which you needed a few moments to look at before you suddenly understood. Was he...Was he poking fun at you?!

This made you stop thinking for a moment, you had in those past few weeks never seen him displaying many emotions except anger, impatience and from time to time those nearly desperate acts of affection. But never, never had you seen him being amused, you had thought that he had been annoyed by all of this. But now he looked like he was almost about to grin which irritated you. Why was he being entertained all of a sudden? You felt a flicker of annoyance and slight anger shooting through you, making you frown a bit.

“No, of course I like you. Why wouldn’t I like my soulmate who kidnapped me, ruined my village and life and treats me like I’m a piece of shit? I’m happy to be ignored and neglected from my soulmate who seems to not like me at all.” You could not help the sarcasm dripping from your voice whilst watching him through narrowed eyes. The last sentence from you was half the truth and half a lie. You were content with him not acknowledging your presence, it saved you from his outbursts or forced affections. On the other hand it also led you to feeling a often a tingling pain of abandonment in your chest which you didn’t like at all. You could only curse at the connection you shared with Indra. You loathed it.

You heard him scoffing, his expression telling you that he was surprised, luckily not too negatively, by your sudden attitude. “You feel neglected?”, he asked you, giving you a somewhat mischievous look which made you even more irritated. “So you want me to give you more affection? Is that it?”

You didn’t like how close he had shifted to you, it made you uncomfortable and you refused to acknowledge the happy and warm tingling this sudden closeness seemed to cause in your body. “Tell me,”, he asked in a deeper voice,”do you think I hate you and you me?”

Against your will you felt your face heating up and your heartbeat increasing, staring almost hypnotized in those deep and black orbs of his in which you, for the first time since he had abducted you, saw the sparkles of emotions. Had they always been there? Granted, it was your first time looking him so directly in his eyes.

“I-I-umm...” That was about how you sounded right now, slapping yourself mentally out of embarrassment. Why were you all of a sudden so bashful? No, you refused to let him win this. You took a deep and shaky breath to come back to your senses. “Give me a reason to not think you would hate me despite those short moments where you fulfill the basic needs every soulmate feels when with his other half. And why wouldn’t I hate you?! You dragged me in this whole mess and because of you I-“

You were forcefully silenced in a way that made your heart nearly jump out of your chest. He kissed you, surprisingly warm lips moving in a firm way against yours. And you really should have done something against it. But the moment you felt his lips against yours for the first time since you had seen him, it was like a bomb exploded in your head and all of a sudden everything inside of you seemed to slow wonderfully down, no numb stinging, no unnecessary thoughts, only you and him.

Just for a short moment you seemed to forget what he had done, letting the overwhelming feelings of the special bond between you two get the better of you. And all of a sudden you found your arms around his neck, your body screaming to be closer to him. This didn’t go unnoticed by him and you felt something that would have been a smirk if your lips wouldn’t have affectionate-starved moved against his own. At the very least he seemed to share the same hunger for touches from you like the other way around because you felt his arms suddenly sliding around you and lifting you with surprisingly much carefulness yet also eagerness closer to him, chest pressed against chest so that you two could feel each other’s heartbeat beating in sync. It was such a blissful experience for you, suddenly having so much intimacy with the man who had refused to give you what you had always wanted despite refusing to admit so.

You almost whined when he suddenly pulled away, probably because he had realized that you were running short on air which you hadn’t even realized until you panted quickly for air, body still refusing to leave his sudden embrace.

“Are you sure that you hate me? Your actions just right now seemed to tell the opposite.” He himself seemed to be out of air, you hearing his slight panting, warm air hitting your neck and causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

You felt shame washing over you the moment you heard his questions, refusing to look him into his eyes. Your lips had pressed into an angry line, the feeling of his mouth on yours still lingering and you cussed yourself when catching yourself wishing to just slam your lips against his once again.

“What was that for right now? Did you want to torture me by showing me how pathetic this rebellious act of mine really is?” Your voice was a hushed hissing, but the bitterness laced in it was clearly audible.

“That was one of the reasons, though not the main one.” You gnashed your teeth when hearing the smugness in his voice, obviously content with what he had just seen and felt. But you also found yourself being once again confused. Not the main one? What was that supposed to mean?

You didn’t even have to ask this, he answered it without you even having to question him. “I don’t hate you. Much more on the contrary. You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

You felt a disturbing feeling starting to make it’s way up your throat, forming a lump on which you almost choked. By now his eyes seemed to blaze with a sudden storm of emotion which could be put together in a few simple yet terrifying words. Twisted and sick obsession.

“You will love me. You have no choice, but to do so. You can try to neglect your feelings for as long as you want, I can guarantee you that I’ll make sure that you’ll melt in my touches. We’re soulmates (y/n). You’ll come around sooner or later.”

[startanewdream]

Quidditch prodigy

Banner by awesome @the-dream-team​.

Summary: This time, when she tells Harry he will be the new Seeker, Minerva McGonagall says: “Your father will be proud. He is an excellent player himself” (and Harry knows it’s true because he spent years watching his father fly).

For @alec-lightwood-bane, who asked for a bit of James getting to be proud with his Quidditch prodigy. The only plot here is fulfilling your request :)

Now on AO3.

________________

From the first time that Harry mounted the little broomstick that Sirius gave him for his first anniversary, James knew his son would be a Quidditch player (sometimes he’d tell Lily that he knew that ever since he felt Harry kicking inside her, but Lily tells him all babies kick; it was not a signal, no matter how at that moment James was talking about Quidditch).

He is not surprised when brooms are Harry’s favourite gifts and, as his godfather, Sirius is more than willing to replace his brooms as Harry grows up, until, finally, for his eleventh birthday, Harry gets a Nimbus 2000. It is his first professional broomstick and Harry can’t stop talking about it all day, promising he will be a Gryffindor player in no time, discussing with Sirius how unfair it is that First Years don’t get to have their own broom nor play in their house team.

That afternoon, after the sunset when the temperature gets milder, they play a kind of five-person Quidditch, which makes no sense and have no rules other than Sirius and Lily are a team, James and Harry is another, and everyone needs to score a goal against Remus, who is a moderately good Keeper.

Harry spends most of the time trying to learn how to ride the broom, so very different from the juvenile models he trained before, mostly intercepting the passes between his mother and Sirius than actually scoring goals. It’s not his son’s best performance, but James says nothing, only ruffling Harry’s hair and making it even more messy than flying already did it.

Harry flies well, naturally, but as a Chaser he always seemed to lack something. He works twice because of it, and James supports him.

The next morning, James awakes at dawn for no good reason. He plans to go downstairs only to drink some water before going back to bed and just laying there, but when he arrives at the kitchen, he finds the backdoor opened.

His wand is at ready at once, but it’s only Harry flying at dawn. He stops at the doorway, watching his son. He really flies perfectly — and boldly, he notices, training movements that James is sure he didn’t teach him and that Lily would have a fit if she saw, long dives that end with him recovering from it at the least possible moment, loops in the air that make him stand thirty feet in the air hanging on his broom only with one hand.

It is like watching him doing an extremely dangerous dance, and James makes sure his wand is ready, just in case, though he feels it’s not the first time Harry is doing this. It looks too well practiced for it. 

And it’s not the usual Chaser movements either.

This thought comes for him at the same time that Harry picks up a Golden Snitch from his pocket. He closes his eyes and lets the Snitch fly away, waiting a few seconds until he opens his eyes and flies upward, standing very still fifty feet up, only his eyes moving, concentrated. James can’t see anything different, but after one minute, Harry dives suddenly. When he recovers from the flight, the Golden Snitch is secure in his hand, its wings flying pointless in his closed hand.

His laugh fills the silence of the morning.

When James starts applauding, Harry’s laugh dies. He turns to his father’s direction, his face reddening and a mortified expression arising there.

‘Dad — I — I can explain —’

It feels as if his son is confessing a sin, rather than showing his talents, and James doesn’t understand.

‘What?’

‘This, I —’

‘Well, I must admit I’m upset’, James says, his voice teasingly, but Harry doesn’t seem to notice this. ‘Next time, you should tell me’.

‘I didn’t want — I mean, this is just for fun, I don’t really —’

‘Flying without inviting me? I am so disappointed’.

Harry pauses, dismounting his broom and holding it unsurely. ‘You are not mad because I was playing Seeker?’

James blinks, confused. ‘Why should I? You are natural!’

Harry looks at his feet. ‘We always trained chasing. You are a Chaser’.

‘Yeah, I was, so?’

‘So I should be one. Like you. Everyone tells me I fly like you, and... I didn’t want to disappoint you’.

James shakes his head, baffled that Harry could come up with that conclusion. Well, there is only way to show him. ‘Mount your broom. Go on’. 

Harry’s eyes are big, not understanding him, but he does as his father says. James keeps motioning for him to go up in the air and, when Harry is fairly high, he transforms the basket of apples in the kitchen into a basket of golf balls, going to the middle of their backyard.

Then he starts throwing one golf ball in the air after another, and Harry understands at once, flying around and catching each one before they fall in the ground, even when James throws more than one at a time. His son is rather breathless when he lands next to his father.

James can only beam. ‘See? You could never disappoint me’.

‘Even if I don’t try for a spot at the team as a Chaser?’

‘Any team will miss much more if you don’t play as Seeker’. Harry lets out a laugh that is undeniably relieved. James watches his son as they sit in the middle of the garden. ‘I mean it, Harry. Even if you didn’t play at all, I would never be disappointed with you’.

Harry raises his eyebrows, eyes glinting with mischief. ‘Even if I hated Quidditch?’

‘Well, you are right, then I would have to disinherit you’, he says seriously, but Harry’s chuckles in answer tells him that Harry understands his father is only joking. ‘Since when do you practice as a Seeker?’

Harry throws him a sideway look. ‘Two years now’, he says, smirking when James looks surprised. It’s not easy to hide anything from his parents, and yet Harry seemed to have perfected that. ‘Ever since I found this old Snitch in the attic’.

He picks up the Snitch again from his pocket. The Snitch tries to fly away, but when Harry hands it to James, the wings calm suddenly, the Snitch resting peacefully on his father’s hand.

‘Oh, what’s that?’

‘Flesh memories’, James explains, smiling. ‘This is the Snitch I nicked a long time ago at Hogwarts. It was never used before, so since I was the first to catch it…’

‘It remembers you’, Harry finishes, amazed.

‘And I remember it’, James murmurs, letting the Snitch fly and grabbing it easily. Even after all these years, his reflexes are still good, he thinks smugly. ‘I used to try to impress your mother with it, you know’.

‘Did it work?’

James runs his hand through his hair. ‘None at all. I hope you have better luck showing off with the Snitch than I did’.

______________________

Harry writes home twice a week at least, and every one of his letters mention how he misses flying and then that he at least is counting the days for the first flying lesson, so he can be in the air even for a little.

James expects his letter as usual the day after the flying lesson is scheduled, but instead he wakes up to find a grey owl waiting for him at breakfast, watching him severely. Only Minerva McGonagall would have an owl that looks as stern as her, but then again James always remembers how McGonagall’s patronus is herself, so he shouldn’t be so surprised.

What surprises him is her request that he comes to meet her as soon as possible that morning, informing the Floo Network to her office will be opened.

It seems serious and he can’t help but think of something happening to Harry. His son’s owl is nowhere at sight, though.

He scribbles a note to Lily informing he will be out for a chat with McGonagall — it shouldn’t be news to her since they met at least once a month to talk about the updates in the Transfigurations field — and quickly vanishes inside the green flames.

She is expecting him when he arrives, looking over a few scrolls.

‘James’, she says, the weirdest of the expressions on her face. She seems satisfied. ‘Have a seat’.

‘Hello, Professor’, he says, slipping into the old formality without even noticing. He usually meets her at the Three Broomsticks, rarely coming into her office. It always brings him memories of his years at school, and he almost expects to find the Head Boy badge pinned to his clothes.

‘You seem tense’, she notes, watching him over her glasses. ‘Take a biscuit’.

He does. Her biscuits are really tasty, but sitting in front of her, waiting for her to talk, makes him feel like he has just done a prank and is about to get a detention.

‘You must be wondering why I called you here’.

That makes him grin. Jokes were always his remedy to diffuse any situation. ‘I reckon you missed me’.

‘Hardly, when I see a copy of you everyday in the halls’, she replies easily, almost smiling. ‘Your son is less loud, though’.

‘Well, he did get a lot of Lily’.

‘Unfortunately not her disposition to follow rules’, Minerva notes, sipping her tea calmly.

‘Uh’, James hesitates, unsure. It’s not normal to call a parent for any misconduct (or else his parents would never leave McGonagall’s office), so if she called him here… ‘What happened?’

‘You know we have some rules that are stricter than others. For instance, this year the third floor corridor is absolutely forbidden’.

Years of ignoring rules make James want to ask what’s there, or else go discover for himself, but he just nods.

‘And one of the rules we always follow is to expressly forbid First Years of owning a broom’.

‘Hum’, he mumbles, still unsure. Harry knows that rule (he certainly complained a lot), and James is sure he saw the Nimbus 2000 waiting patiently in their broomshed, so he doesn’t get what’s her point.

‘Your son is bound to break that rule this year’.

‘He brought his broom?’, James asks before he can think through it, his mind trying to understand how Harry got to replace his broom with a fake copy so he could smuggle it to the castle. There is a mild impression, but if Harry did it, he would be in serious trouble…

‘No, not yet, I was hoping you could send it. He told me has a Nimbus 2000, is that correct?’

Feeling like he is missing the point still, James nods.

‘Good. If you could send it next week, it would be perfect. I am still getting the board’s signature of approval, but it’s only a formality, Albus already authorized it’.

‘Minerva’, he interrupts her. ‘What is happening?’

‘Oh’, she stops, looking simply delighted. ‘Yesterday during his first flying lesson, your son took to the skies after some silly gibbering with the Malfoy boy. As you may know, Rolanda is quite loud about how any First Year that flies unsupervised gets expelled. Or, well, a detention at least, but we don’t tell them that. First Years are so inclined to follow the rules… present company excepted, of course’.

James smiles guiltily now. But even he, desperate as he was to join the team, followed that rule at least. Madame Hooch really imposed fear.

‘What happened then?’

‘I saw him through my window’, Minerva tells him, pointing to the window next to her, that provides a nice view of the grounds. ‘Fifty-foot dive, recovered without a single scratch. Did you teach him that?’

James raises his eyebrows. ‘No, actually, he taught himself’.

‘Well, he is a natural, that I can’t deny. So I made him the new Seeker’.

‘Hum, what?’

‘Seeker’, she replies, not bothering to hide her smirk now. ‘I know you’ve been long gone from the Quidditch field, but you do remember what a Seeker is, I am sure’.

Later he will appreciate the fact that Minerva McGonagall is teasing him. For now there is only bewilderment.

‘But — seeker — no First Year — he must be the youngest Quidditch player in decades —’

‘A century, actually’, she corrects him. ‘I checked the records’.

‘That’s — that’s amazing! I am so —’, he stops, staring at her. ‘He broke a rule and you are awarding him?’

Minerva looks moderately embarrassed. ‘It’s not an award. I expect him to train harder to compensate for the years the other Seekers have of advantage, and if he doesn’t seem to take this seriously, I will reconsider not punishing him — oh, stop smirking, Potter’.

She looks suddenly stern again, but James can’t help himself.

‘You have a soft spot for him!’, he declares, grinning. 

‘I certainly do not play favourites’, she answers, voice full of dignity. ‘I only think of what’s best for Gryffindor and —’, she drops all pretenses suddenly. ‘— you should have seen the try outs! Wood, that’s the captain, Oliver Wood, was crying at the end because no one was able to even find the Golden Snitch. And after last year…’ She shakes her head. ‘If it means we won’t get flatten out by Slytherin ever again — that annoying smirk on Snape’s face —, oh, well, I would buy your son a broom myself!’

James smiles proudly now. There was always a fanatical Quidditch enthusiast in Minerva and he adores when it shows. And from all he knows of Snape, he will hate the fact that James Potter’s son is in the team in his First Year, which is only a bonus (though that is a thing he won’t admit out loud).

‘No need. I will make sure he is dedicating himself, but knowing Harry, he is just too marvelled at being part of the team. It’s what he most wanted’.

She sighs, somberer now.

‘And that’s why I called you, actually. Considering your long history of disregarding rules, this Seeker position is not to mean that your son will get away with everything. I’d rather have him go through his school years without too many detentions’.

‘Only a few?’, James teases.

‘Let’s aim for one third of yours and I will call it a success. He is a Potter after all’.

James nods, trying for a serious expression that’s broken by the fact he can’t stop beaming. His son. First Year Seeker! He can’t wait until he tells Sirius.

‘Oh, I will talk to him’, he assures her. ‘We can’t let detentions get in the way of Quidditch’.

____________________

[katblu42]

Fic Masterpost

I am endeavouring to keep this up to date, but I know my track record of updating such things is terrible!

I am ever thankful to the Thunderfam for being such a welcoming and encouraging fandom! Big thank you hugs to all of you!

(Links to fics below the cut to keep things short!)

Thunderbirds Fic

The Hug Shirt My first Thunderbirds Fic! A simple item of clothing that has come to mean so much more. AO3 link

What Happens in Music Class . . . (Hopefully) a funny fic. Teenage Virgil and a friend + musical terms. AO3 link

Dark Art Sometimes art isn't beautiful. AO3 link

Miss You Deals with grief and loss. AO3 link

Bandit A spin of the whump generator wheel for Gordon produced this piece of wee FishTank fluff! AO3 link

Stuck Whump wheel spin for Alan. Again wee Tracys, and fluff more than whump! Big Brother Scott to the rescue! AO3 link

Jasmine and Jade Written for the 2021 EasterTag for bonsaiiiiiii, fulfilling prompts that included a treasure hunt and matching tattoos. AO3 link

In Pieces Young Virgil's mechanical curiosity gets him in trouble with his dad. AO3 link

The Edge A little piece of Earth&Sky AO3 link

Melody Memory Written for Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#107 Never Forgotten Deals with grief, but not heavy - Tracy family fluff. AO3 link

Deep Water TAG Mini Bang 2021 collaboration between myself and @thatkidwholikesthunderbirds Wee Tracys. FishTank. AO3 link

Passing the Big Brother Baton 1 2 3 Wee Tracys. Advice handed down from brother to brother as each new addition to the family comes along. AO3 link

Midnight Snack Wheel of Whump spin for Scott. More actual whump in this one. Military Squid to the rescue. AO3 link

Two A look at our IR boys from an unusual perspective (with a focus on the man with the green sash!) AO3 link

Up in the Night For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#117 Stars and Shadows Young John AO3 link

Tie Me to the Moon Whump wheel spin for John. Deals with grief/mourning. Funeral/Cemetery. Social Anxiety. Sensory Overload. AO3 link

One Cold Hand For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#121 Cold Body Difficult rescue for Virgil - mentions of death/bodies. AO3 link

He Does Very short snippet. Groggy Scott. John and Virgil.

The Watcher For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#122 Not Alone. Injured John. AO3 link

Day Moon Short fic for Fluffember prompts Image and Clouds. AO3 link

Your Hand in Mine Short piece - Scott during another bedside vigil. AO3 link

Mystery Rose A Valentines Day/Birthday fic for Gordon about a gift from a secret admirer. AO3 link

Mr Fix-it A winter Olympics AU Earth&Sky fic - speed skater Scott and medic Virgil AO3 link

Symphony Scott gets a glimpse of the family inspired music Virgil carries in his head (and heart). AO3 link

Breathe (original) (extended) For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #145 Rise and Fall Original is a 100 word poem. Extended version has more detail! AO3 link

The Need For Space For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #157, Need More Space John makes a request Virgil hasn't heard in a while. AO3 link

Charity Challenge Inspired by @gumnut-logic's Dockside fic. Scott gets talked into a charity night he may later regret. AO3 link

Mini Molly A moment of reflection for Vigil, remembering his Grandpa teaching him to take care of tools like Molly. AO3 link

Superglue Alan finds himself in a sticky situation and calls Virgil for help. AO3 link

The Letter For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #162 Scott finds a letter written by a young Virgil that stirs some painful memories and emotions. AO3 link

Leap of Faith For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #167 Virgil has absolute faith in his big brother when there's no option left. AO3 link

I Don't Like the Duck Song Wee Tracys fic. Virgil decides frogs make a better counting song than ducks. AO3 link

Last House on the Left? For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #171 Virgil's going on some pretty vague directions to try and find someone in trouble. AO3 link

Like Your Father For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #176 An unpleasant TI meeting for Scott. AO3 link

Promises For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #180 Promise You'll Write Each brother makes this request of another, in different ways. AO3 link

The Hug Shirt: For Dad Jeff gets the Hug Shirt treatment this time! AO3 link

Just a Little Setback For the Whump Couch event created by @uniwolfcorn with art by @nourelle-tracy AO3 link

Present For Scott Little Alan doing his best to but the perfect 21st birthday present for his biggest brother. AO3 link

Other Fic

Rainbows and Lightning A poem inspired by a late November afternoon storm.

Rejoice A recollection of an amusing story from a devastating moment in Australian history.

Secret Paradise For the Flash Fiction Friday prompt of the same name. FFF#84 AO3 link

Rambling Thoughts on the Infamous Puppy Episode Review/in-depth analysis of episode 20 of Gatchaman. AO3 link

Oh Brother For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#87 I will be strong Technically Thunderbirds . . . but it's a paraphrase of something bigger that I'm still writing!

The End? Written for a creative writing challenge where you had to write the story in reverse. Very personal. Deals with death and grief.

2 Confronts 1 For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#104 Stronger Together. Vaguely Gatchaman fandom. AO3 link

Destruction of the Ruins For Flash Fiction Friday prompt #105 Ruined and Destroyed AO3 link

What's the Score in the Footy Light-hearted musing about Aussies and football.

The Other Mask Poem (kind of). Sort of personal! I was having a bad day!!

Every Year For Flash Fiction Friday prompt FFF#123 Ceremonial Chants Setting Heaven on Fire For Flash Fiction Friday prompt # A Gatchaman fic - what it's like to witness the God Phoenix and the Firebird. AO3 link

[imagine-lcorp]

Written In The Stars (One Shot)

Request

Hi! Can I request something like Lena falling in love with an alien reader?

A/N: Hey guys!!! First one shot of the year!!! Let’s hope we can keep the rhythm this time...also I broke my phone so I’ll probably be less active on the app...the writing is still going tho so yaaay! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one and as always, let me know what you think! Love ya beautiful people! 

Lena Luthor x Alien!R//Word Count: 2,204 -------------------------------------------------------

When she was younger, Lena Luthor used to look at the night sky with infinite awe. The map of stars that hung above the Earth had been the place where she could find solace and a sense of peace. The stars were never alone, always needing one another to form their constellations. They reminded her she was also not alone even if it seemed like it.

However, as she grew up most of that wonder translated into scientific interest, which started to diminish as she found herself enthralled by more practical sciences. The sky, as vast as it was, was a mystery she recognized she couldn't unravel in her lifetime. She needed to focus on more earthly things, but she was content to be another curious viewer of such canvas of light.

Being a curious viewer, however, was something that changed abruptly when the existence of extraterrestrial life was proven by no other than Superman. Even more when it was known the Earth had been a refuge for many more aliens than it was possible to believe. The stars had reached the Earth, and they came bearing their own cosmic forms of life.

The population had been divided between those that accepted and welcomed the space travelers and those that rejected the idea, defending their right to their land and planet, fearful of an unstoppable invasion, living with the enemy and whatnot. For a while, Lena found the latter to be a matter of great concern. She wanted people to feel safe and believed they had the right to know who among them was or not an alien.

It wasn't until Kara came to knock that idea off, presenting her with an alternative story and reminding her that those aliens too had a right to their own freedom. She opened her eyes to the reality most of them lived. They were mmigrants of desolated planets, seeking shelter from wars and just like Superman, seeking a new home after their planets had been shattered. There were a few bad seeds, yes, but most of them were only looking for a better life. Wasn't that enough to give them a vote of confidence?

Her alien detection device was then transformed into an image inducer, a new gadget that helped aliens conceal their true appearance if they wished to look physically human. It was great to blend with the crowd, and it was a great success in the alien market.

"Miss Luthor, Kara Danvers is waiting for you in the conference room." Jess told her one day as she arrived to the office.

"Kara?" She found herself surprised by the sudden visit of the journalist. "Does she want another interview?"

"No, she has come along with someone else. She said she only needed a few minutes with you."

"Alright." Lena said leaving her purse on her desk and taking a couple of files from Jess to revise them later. "Let's see what it is."

Lena Luthor entered her conference room to find two figures chatting amicably at the room table. One she could recognize immediately, with her golden locks and bright smile, the other she had no idea who it was but as soon as your eyes were on her she was curious to find out.

"Lena!" Kara said rising from her chair, with you following suit. "Thank you for meeting us in such short notice. We promise not to take too much of your time."

"Kara, of course. How can I help?"

"Well, actually, I would like to introduce you to (Y/N) (Y/L/N)." At the mention of your name, you stepped forward, extending your hand to Lena. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Luthor."  

"Lena, please." She said taking your hand.

"Then, please, call me (Y/N)." You said with a firm grip and a kind smile, something rare for Lena to see during those days.

"(Y/N) is the leader of an alien race residing in National City." Kara continued with a proud stance.

"Is that so?" Lena replied with a raised eyebrow and the hint of a smirk on her lips. "Is (Y/N) your real name?"

Lena's words prompted a chuckle from you, and you decided to clarify before there were any misunderstandings.

"It's my chosen Earth name. I don't think you have enough tongues to be able to pronounce the real one." You said with a playful smile. "Also, I wouldn't go that far. I am what you would call a representative, and it is of a small group only. Miss Danvers here is just too kind."

"She is, indeed." Her smile only grew bigger as she saw Kara fail to conceal a little pout.

"Well, you're still a great representative." Kara said.

"But to what do I own the honor of you visit?" Lena said gesturing to you to take your seats again. Kara smiled at you and moved along with you towards your seats.

"Right." You said pulling a small box from your jacket. "I'm here to deliver this."

Lena took the little box from your extended palm, her curiosity growing as she inspected its contents. Inside she found a little black matte icosahedron, nothing extraordinary by the looks of it.

"What is this?" She finally asked.

"The alien community wanted to thank you for creating the image inducer. It has helped a lot of people, especially those of us that don't exactly fit into the human shape." You started to explain as she inspected it.

After the launch of her device, Lena recalled, the company had received countless letters and e-mails, most of them in gratitude for helping the aliens in National City as they were still fighting for acceptance within the human population. It helped them find jobs, housing and places to be without having to worry about their looks or if other people reacted negatively to them. It helped them feel safe.

Only then Lena understood the impact it had on other's peoples lives and how her work had helped them accomplish that.

"So this is a thank you gift." You moved your hand and placed a finger on one side of the icosahedron.

Lena was startled as the other sides of the new device in her hand started to open. Suddenly the room was filled with a clear colorful light, but it was more than that. It was lines and spheres and points and spirals well defined. It took her a moment to realize what it was but Lena found herself looking around the conference room with a fascination she thought she had long lost. As the conversation followed, you explained Lena the device in her hand was a space chart. It contained information about several planetary systems, their galaxies and stars, and common routes to reach them, you said as if it was nothing but a travel guide.

Lena turned her eyes towards you a few seconds later, ready to declare her own gratitude when she noticed your expression. You were staring at a far corner of the room, not with the usual distant look of a daydreamer or that of someone who has lost interest in the present moment. You were looking with intention and, more than that, with longing in your eyes.

"It's wonderful. Thank you." Lena finally said, pulling you out of your thoughts. You blinked a few times before the smile returned to your face.

"If you ever wish to know a bit more about what's out there, you can always consult it and if you need help navigating it, I'll be more than happy to help."

Lena thought about it for a moment more. While she had long ago left her intentions of unraveling the skies, she saw a chance within those stars. This was the opportunity she had been hoping to find in National City. If she could gain the trust of the alien community, she would be able to expand her work and better help not only them but the whole city. To help put the world back together instead of tearing it apart. She was more grateful then to you, for giving her that chance.

Besides, she thought, it was also a chance to fulfill her curiosity about you.

It wasn't long after that meeting that you were back at her office, teaching her how to use the space chart. Her attention bouncing from the lines of stars and planets to understanding the technology behind the device. While her studies on science and astronomy made it easy for her to identify the structure and functioning of the chart, and the several celestial bodies it showed, she still had to learn how to translate that into terms she knew and relearn the names people used to refer to their own planets and stars. You did your best trying to explain how both things worked, which she highly appreciated.

As days passed, Lena took a new liking to your teachings which turned into more personal reunions. You didn't limit yourself to talking just about stars or planets but about the different cultures that inhabited them. Mentions of your home planet became more regular and you even used it to contrast the big differences between Earth and the rest of worlds you had known. Lena was delighted to indulge in such conversations, taking in as much as it was possible.

The way you talked about your home planet, your country, if such concept even applied, your family, your house, everything, was enough for her to look at you with the same awe she used to look at the stars when she was younger. She knew she wouldn't get to know all the stars in the universe but just knowing you, she thought, made up for it all.

"The sunsets there were hours of golden light washing over the citadel, and the nights were, oh, the night was too beautiful with its waves of light across the sky." You told her one day as you both had finished one of your reunions.

You were leaning against Lena's balcony, both of you observing the sun go down behind the city skyline.

"You know, I don't think you have ever showed me where you're from." Lena said, crossing her arms and taking a step towards you, seizing the opportunity. You had showed Lena at least dozens of planets, especially those closest to Earth's solar system but yours, for everything you talked about it, somehow still remained a mystery.

Lena felt a slight pang in her chest as she saw the smile in your face turn sad.

"No, I suppose I haven't." You said and after a moment, where you seemed to ponder a few options, you moved your head, signaling Lena to follow you back inside her office.

You took the space chart from her desk, activating it and moving your hands again until the hologram in the room moved, showing a single planet in the center of the room. You took a few steps back and gestured to Lena to take a closer to look at it.

"Here it is."

The planet, surrounded by seven moons, was a very Jupiter look-a-like. Lena was instantly enthralled by the colors and the stripes, swirls and waves that formed the planet's atmosphere. The hologram displayed a name in a language Lena certainly didn't know and that made her wonder just how many tongues she would need to pronounce it correctly.

"It's beautiful." Lena said, still looking at it.

"It was." You replied, and she turned to look at you with a confused frown and a question clear in her face.  

You moved the chart once more, reducing the image to show the whole system your planet used to be a part of.

Lena saw other nine planets but only one caught her attention as its name was being displayed in an alphabet she actually recognized.

"Krypton." She whispered, eyes widening in shock.

Everyone already knew the story. How the almighty Kryptonians had traveled to Earth when their own planet had been destroyed. But no one, including her, had thought too much about what it had meant for the rest of their own little universe. Lena imagined it then, an explosion setting a chain reaction. Not only one but several worlds shattered, with their people trying to escape the path of destruction.

Lena's eyes landed on you once more, finally understanding the longing she had once seen in your own eyes. She also knew, in some way, what it was to lose your home. So she approached you, slowly taking your hand and muttering an apology, for whatever little comfort it could give you.

"It's alright." You said looking intently at her with a reassuring smile. "I found a new home."

"And I'm glad you found it here."

You made her feel at home, Lena thought and, as she smiled back at you, she thanked the stars for giving you both the chance to find a home along each other, and hopefully, one day, a home for you both.

[zodiyack]

In Letters

Requested by @imaginesbymk​: Oh gosh hi! Could I request a imagine w/ Eugene Sledge falling in love with y/n and when he returns home he surprises them with flowers and asks y/n out on a date? Hope this was ok!

Pairing: Eugene Sledge x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of war

Words: 1,795

Summary: (See Request)

Note: So I got a little carried away and I’m not too proud of the ending, but I tried my best and I hope you liked it :D

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @fandom-puff​, @darling-i-read-it​, @simonsbluee​, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow​

Masterlist | Joe Mazzello Masterlist

My dearest Gene,

The nights seem quiet, deafeningly so. The room feels lonesome without your presence. Although it pains me to admit it, it’s not just my chambers that are haunted with such sadness.

I feel goosebumps rise from my skin as I lie in bed, similar to the ones I’d get when you wrapped your arms around me. The hairs on my neck rise just as they did when you whispered in my ear each night, assuring me that nothing could hurt me, for you were there to fend off whatever creatures dwelled in the night. But alas, these are not from you this time. My body reacts in such ways to a frightening feeling, one I almost forgot having never felt it after the first night you snuck into my room, and the nights prior to your descent. With you away, I have no soldier to protect me whilst I rest.

My words, melancholy yet true, shan’t bring you down... I hope. Please do not assume wrongly of my intent; I am indeed very proud of you. So much so that I simply cannot help but worry.

What has my worries, you may ask?

Well, my soldier, it’s you. Whether this letter will actually find your soft hands at all, I know not, however, you told me to have hope, so I will. Before you set this parchment aside and go out to your tasks, I ask one last request.

Take your advice, and have hope. When the nights become too much, think not of the horrors, but of me, of this letter, of the nights back home wherein you protect me like you are now protecting us.

You’re so strong and brave. I find it mandatory that you know that and believe it, not just hear the words and brush it off as a compliment. Eugene Sledge, it is a fact. You hold others up as though you are Atlas and they are the world that you carry upon your shoulders. Even now, you carry a burden and you march forward nonetheless. It amazes me. Inspires me, truly.

To end this letter, I’m unsure. Do I make up some falsehood to fill you with delight? No, no, I cannot do such a thing to you, even if I wanted to. I can try all I want, but anytime a lie is formed on the tip of my tongue whenever I talk to you, it rolls backwards rather than out like I want it to.

What ever are you doing to me, Eugene Sledge?

Y/n

Darling Eugene,

You didn’t have to send me the necklace. You know that, right? Nonetheless... I have yet to take it off since I received it. It smells like you. Before the war. Your scent lulls me to sleep as though you are lying with me once more. I’m too overjoyed to remind myself of the reality. I hope you received my gift. And I hope it gives you the same affects yours does unto me.

I try to cling to the hope that you may return safe and unharmed. Any type of war is never easy, I know that, I really do, and I know you won’t be the same person you were when you left. However, you will always be my Gene. With that being said; I will never turn my back on you the way you wrote, the way you feared I would.

Lest you too lack of sleep more than before, I have included a gift of my own. See to it as...a gift to make things even. It’s only fair, seeing as you sent me an accessory you crafted. If you haven’t seen it yet- open it.

A locket can be seen as a feminine accessory, yes, but in truth, it’s attached to no sex. I do hope you like it. I’ve also debated on sending you one with a photo of us both, but settled on purchasing matching necklaces. One for you, which holds my photo, and one for me, which holds yours. Before you lecture me on spending money on you- I spent it for both my sake and yours.

I’ve read every book you gifted me throughout the years and still, you are not yet in my arms nor beside me in the study. I try to imagine, but it gets harder as time goes on. I miss you.

I hold strong aversion to the time it shall take for your return. Nothing pains me more than the suffering you must be going through, and the suffering I too am experiencing. Though my pain is less than yours, it is still great in its ability to affect me. Life without you is dull, meaningless, gut-wrenching and awfully depressing.

Have you made any friends? Other than “Peaches” and “Snafu”, whomever those men are. Perhaps you can introduce some of them to me when you’re home, I’d love to meet the men who kept you company. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. (Peaches is quite an interesting name though. I mean no ill-will behind my curiosity, but...is “Peaches” his real name?)

In reference to my previous question; I myself haven’t made any new friends. To be completely honest, I rarely leave the house. Whenever I step foot outside...it feels...well...pardon my language, like I’m entering a shit show, stepping into hell itself. I’d rather be in hell than live in a world without you.

Think not of my prior comment. Merely bask in the positive parts of this letter. For me.

All my love,

Y/n

Eugene,

I heard you boys are coming home? I do hope the news is true. I fear I cannot face yet another disappointment, nor much longer without you. As time has gone by, nights spent without you beside me, days awfully bore...your face seems to fade as though it plots to abscond.

Funny. It’s seldom that I think of anything else, and it still rebuffs all my attempts to conjure your image into my brain. Whilst I have photographs to assist in my efforts, I can’t quite see your beauty in full, as though the photo is faceless. I miss your charming features and I loathe myself for having struggled to remember them now, even if it happened against my own wishes.

Albeit my words, which were truthful, I still see you in my dreams. Only, when I wake, your face abates until it’s lost in the nothingness, lightyears away from my grasp.

My sincerest apologies for the briefness of this letter and its majority of sorrowful content. I would write you a thousand joyous letters if only I had the strength to tell you falsities.

Awaiting your return,

Y/n

Each letter he received from her warmed his heart and never failed to put a smile on his face. Despite being in a literal warzone, joy never left his heart. The nights where he couldn’t sleep due to the things he had to see, the things his imagination conjured up, or just due to the lack of Y/n. It was the last one more often than not.

Snafu teased Sledge with each letter he managed to catch a glimpse of. Despite the man’s suggestive teasing, the two in question were only friends, inseparable since childhood. However, he wasn’t completely wrong with his jabs. Eugene felt his heart long for her like hers did him, but his longing wasn’t purely platonic. Since his teen years, he felt an almost magnetic-like pull towards her. Her letters only amplified the harshness of the tug on the invisible rope.

His hands shook as he wrote back to her, the first few lines seeming very unlike himself, but the rest so poetic and beautiful, even Snafu was speechless. The words were there, but they only really flowed onto the paper after he let go of control and wrote from the heart. Honest and sincere, he told her as much as he could.

The only thing he didn’t include ever, was a confession.

It took almost all of his strength to prevent himself from giving in to the urge of being lovesick-fool. But as her letters grew more desolate, as the war became more intense, as his time to write shortened...he couldn’t bring himself to confess. He couldn’t bring himself to push that onto her- a confession during the war, forcing her to live with his last letter being a question he could never fulfill.

...

He underestimated himself in so many ways.

The second he returned home, he bought flowers and rushed to find her, not even caring to make sure he looked his best. It was the first thing on his mind. Despite being ever so tired, his eyelids begging to drop for a little while longer, his feet sore beneath him- he powered through.

His fist rapped against the door, a quiet hiss leaving his mouth through his teeth at the feeling of his skin coming in contact with the hard wood. It creaked open, half of a face, an eye mostly, coming into view slowly before it widened and the door swung open.

“Gene!”

She surged forward, wrapping her arms around him as she leapt into his grasp. The two chuckled for a moment before her feet found the ground again and they stood in silence. Drinking each other in, all they could do was smile.

“Oh!” Eugene exclaimed once he’d returned to reality, holding out his hand to Y/n. “I uh- bought these for you.”

“Thank you.” She smiled sweetly, accepting the gift with teary eyes.

“But...not as a friend gift, really.”

“Well of course not, we’re best friends!”

“No, no... I mean it as a step above best friends. I mean them as a gift and a question.” Her brows furrowed and she tilted her head, visibly confused. “I know I just came home- I haven’t even changed my clothes for fucks sake, but I need to ask. I’ve wanted to ask for so long.”

Y/n’s eyes darted around, even more confused than before. “Ask what?”

Eugene cleared his throat, finally meeting her eyes; “Would you be interested in joining me for a meal...or, more specifically, a date? It doesn’t have to be today-”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” Y/n bit her lower lip and giggled. “I would love to. Tonight, after you get some rest, I’ll meet you at your place.” Y/n placed a hand on Eugene’s cheek, smiling at him. Then, her lips replaced her hand. She turned and walked back inside, closing the door with a smile.

The soldier outside, who had faced and won two wars around the same time, stood outside, hand where Y/n’s lips were, and a matching smile upon his lips. He was undoubtedly glad he didn’t confess in letters.

[saturnsummer]

 law school: love and goodbye letters

notes: i would like to give out love letters to the amazing cast, our 8 students from hankuk law school. like what the director said, i’ll support them in their journeys as they take a step into their new chapter, wherever they go. their stories continue and live on. it’s been an amazing journey, although I was initially hesitant on starting it. while i will definitely be suffering withdrawals and probably think about it too much, i’m thankful i started watching.

the finale has left me with so many thoughts, I want to send them off right. also, writing these letters have helped my process my feelings towards the show and stop me from getting so withdrawn. so, shall we begin this court hearing?

over the next couple of days, my inbox will be open to requests! i may not write the fastest, but I’m willing to fulfil any of your desires about law school now that it has ended.

(skip please, if you don’t want to see my personal reflections.)

HAN JOON HWI// KIM BEOM

you have been a pleasure to watch, a seasoned actor indeed. you brought life to joon hwi, depicting the student that is smart, aloof, but is actually caring for their friends alike.

joon hwi, when you entered law school, you wanted to be a prosecutor. now, you finally got your dream. you were broken, sad, betrayed by your uncle. you remind yourself that you cannot be your uncle. but at the end, you’re happy, aren’t you? you’ve been through hell, yet somehow you told yourself to hang on. believe it, samchoon is proud he raised a noble nephew to fight and correct the flaws in the law. 

you have taught us the black and whites, yet seeing the greys of law. and with that, as you continue your journey as a prosecutor, remember to judge fairly and make sure no one suffers unjustly. 

you’ve done well, kim beom. thank you.

KANG SOL A// RYU HYE YOUNG

hyeyoung, you’ve brought so many emotions across the screen. as kang dan and sol, you had the challenge to play polar opposites, the moon and sun. you were feisty, you were soft. yet, you brought the humane qualities out of sol, conveying it to us.

kang sol a, you represent that majority of students, or even adults alike. you’re single parented. you come from a broken family. you have an estranged sibling, one you try so hard to find. you are barely making enough to live by. on top of that, you are on a scholarship, yet scoring grades that skim the pass. you represent so many students in the world. yet, you didn’t let these weights hold you from feeling your passion into law. you fought tirelessly for your friends and family, and stayed grounded in your morals and values.

this is why you are my personal favourite. that you love and strive for something so much, you work on it endlessly and still rigorously put in hard work. your passion for law inspires me to be equally passionate for my future degree as well. the fact that you went to law school seeking an apology, I hope you have gotten your apology. your zeal for justice will live on.

as a lawyer now, i hope you will remember your endless nights. i hope you know your worth. i hope that everyday, you trust yourself and be bold and courageous, like how you are when defending for your professor. you will excel, and you will be a good lawyer. 

so thank you, for speaking up for the students who find it tough to get through school. for telling us and giving us faith that we can survive. 

KANG SOL B// LEE SOO KYUNG

sookyung, you are far from your character of solb. yet, you were a perfect representation. you were elegant, classy and held that prestige whenever you acted.

solb, you represent that group of us that are pressured. when the society pressures us, it is nothing compared to our family’s pressures. you held your mom’s pressure to heart, studying endlessly, trapped in a cage that you couldn’t get out of. you isolated yourself to break free, acting cold.

you finally broke free, with your consultations with your therapist. and i hope you know just how proud i am of you for standing up for yourself. your unnies and oppas will always be supporting you, and wherever you are now, whether you are training to be a judge or not, i hope you never forget that you are supported. you are a free bird, and you should do things for yourself. 

thank you, for being the solb we have learnt to love, the student we aspire to be. solb, you are forever an A+ in our eyes. 

SEO JI HO// LEE DAVID

david, you are the man backstage always goofing off. your character hates goofing. yet, your simple eyes and acting brought so many emotions. you didn’t have many emotional scenes, but your expressions were so well done.

jiho, you started law to fight for your dad, for justice to be served. but over your journey, aren’t you glad you have made so many friends? your 3 years there have proved that you have earned justice, but you earned friendships that you will never experience anywhere else. 

wherever you are, if you are at a law firm working and earning lots of money, cherish the friendships. justice is served. learn and let go, and maybe you will enjoy your life a bit more.

JEON YE SEUL// GO YOUN JUNG

youn jung, where can i start? your acting was phenomenal. you played the cheery girl so well, yet at the same time you empathised with the victim of a domestic abuse. your scenes blew me away.

yeseul, I hope you carry this on your heart. you are loved, you are right. you are not wrong. you speak up for those abused, because you were once them. with the power of the law, I know you will go on to defend for them and fight for them. you will bring justice, and you will be the woman of power in the courtroom.

leave your immature self behind. you have matured to be a woman of confidence, boldness and most importantly, knowing you are not wrong.

you will be the woman of the courtroom. your kindness is your strength. wherever you are, defending abuse victims, thank you for speaking out for the millions of women who victimise themselves, still. you have inspired the generation of women to provide support for them.

MIN BOK GI// LEE KANG JI 

kangji, your goofiness on set and in the show plays out especially well. you were lively, yet at the same time the right support we needed.

bokgi, you will forever be remembered as the boy who comes to classes with a head band. you were casual, easy going and the extroverted one in the study group. you brought life to them, taught them to live and take things easy. you supported yeseul regardless, and always stop by her side. you are unafraid to be defensive over your friends.

for that, we thank you for being the character that is loyal. that regardless of what happened, you stayed with your group even though you could easily walk away.

JO YE BEOM// KIM MIN SEOK

minseok, you were fun to watch on set, yet a more fun character to watch grow with your actor friends. yebeom had many iconic lines, yet you did well in them.

yebeom, I will not understand why you were a spy. i however, will empathise your situation. what could you do? regardless, all that is useless now. you were sidekicks with your bestie bokgi, and together, you were both the life of the group that reminded them to breathe.

you made a good choice to be honest when sol a confronted you. and you should be thankful that the group still kept you even after all that. I hope that in your law career, you will remember the codes of law, and remember what is right. you stand for truth, you stand for justice.

YOO SEUNG JAE// HYUN WOO

hyunwoo, you had lesser scenes, yet each scene you had was a turmoil of emotions each time. you conveyed your emotions so well, and I’m so impressed.

seungjae, you are the oldest of the study group. you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you? you’re permanently suspended from law school, and with a kid now. I hope things are going well for you, whether you are a doctor or a computer guy now.

thank you for being the bigger man, to admit to his mistakes and asking for a bigger punishment. you have deep regrets, but I know you will grow and learn from them. you deserve your happiness.

to my law school fam,

thank you for this beautiful journey. you have taught me to be righteous, to be bold and to be confident. you taught me the results of tenacity. you taught me how to upload my values. you taught me the reasons to be lawful and that I should stand by my morals. you taught me confidence and courage.

truth and justice, only by the law.

it’s been a journey, my graduates. I close the hearing as make my final decision. i will close my case.

thank you, directors, pds, writers, staff, editors, musicians, make up and stylists. I hope you will meet again on another shoot.

goodbye, thank you. we’ll see each other again.

[mysticmachmir]

Tarot Through a Jewish Lens (Part I)

Is Tarot Jewish?

No. Tarot was not a Jewish creation and nor does it come from Kabbalah. When Waite made his famous RWS deck, he was a Christian occultist/magician and part of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and also formed his own Fellowship of the Rosy Cross. He was a Catholic involved in 'western esotericism' and fell under the learnings of Eliphas Levi. Eliphas Levi was not a Jewish man. He was a French gentile occultist who changed his name from Alphonse Louis Constant to Éliphas Lévi Zahed -- why? He wanted his magical works to sound more authentically exotic (aka, Jewish) because he appropriated from Jewish mysticism and skewed it for his own wants. He believed that Kabbalah was the "linking factor between the Old Testament and the New Testament", and that is rooted in Christian supersessionism, a violent ideology that has resulted in many murders of the Jewish people. Another example is the french occultist, Court de Gébelin, who claimed that the Major Arcana were numbered to correspond to the 22 letters in both the Egyptian and Hebrew alphabets. It didn’t seem to trouble him that at the time different versions of the deck that was in circulation sometimes had more than and sometimes less than 22 Major Arcana cards. Or that ancient Egyptians didn’t use an alphabet. 

So no. Tarot was created as a playing card game, sprung up in Italy, Germany, and France. It was not intended for 'occult' use until much later. And still, in no way shape or form, was it ever Jewish in origin. In the Torah, besides certain kinds of divination/tools, divination is forbidden and Tarot is considered avodah zarah (idolatry) because it is a non-Jewish practice.

Now I'm sure you're asking: Well you read tarot, why are you telling me this? Aren't you incriminating yourself? I'm telling you because I want to stress and push back against cultural appropriation and Christian supersessionism that is rooted in these beliefs, and I want to make it clear that the relationship between a Jew, halacha, and G!d is on them - but to not fool oneself claiming a non-Jewish practice is actually Jewish. That, I think, is more ludicrous than just using tarot.

Alright, now onto the fun parts and what you are here for.

My Jewish Theology with Tarot

So, this is all my personal theology which obviously you do not have to share. I am Jewish and practice religious Judaism. I believe that there is only one G!d, Hashem, and that They are everywhere and in everything. In academic terms, I am a monotheistic panentheist. This aligns with a lot of Jewish mysticism, especially Chassidus, and consider myself a crossover between the Conservative Jewish denomination and Renewal, with a solid base in the American Neo-Hasidic movement . (Conservative =/= political right-wing in the Jewish movements). I deeply respect Jewish traditions, halacha, and have put a lot of thought in what I believe and how it relates to tarot. There will be of course Jews who disagree with me, but I'm not here to dwell on that. When I read tarot, I am not asking the cards to tell me the answer I am seeking - the cards are a tool, an object, and do not possess spirits of their own. I am asking G!d. Now, angels won't interfere, but sheydim (demons) can. I will talk about protections/rituals one can use to avoid sheydim meddling later. As for questions like: How does one ethically divine? How much power do interpreters have? Does G!d plan everything? Do we have free will when it comes to our future? Let’s look to source texts. “All is foreseen, but free will is given.”  —Rabbi Akiva, Pirke Avot 3:15 "Rabbi Bena’a: There were twenty-four interpreters of dreams in Jerusalem. One time, I dreamed a dream and went to each of them to interpret it. What one interpreted for me the other did not interpret for me, and, nevertheless, all of the interpretations were realized in me, to fulfill that which is stated: All dreams follow the mouth of the interpreter." —Berakhot 55b "The Gemara asks: But doesn’t Rav say that any divination that is not like the divination of Eliezer, the servant of Abraham, when he went to seek a bride for Isaac (see Genesis 24:14), or like the divination of Jonathan, son of Saul, who sought an omen as to whether he and his arms bearer would defeat the Philistines (see I Samuel 14:8–12), is not divination? Since Rav did not rely on the omen in his decision making, he did not violate the prohibition against divination, and there was no reason for him to penalize himself." —Chullin 95b "What is a diviner? One who takes his stick in hand and says, (as though he were consulting it), “Shall I go, or shall I not go?” So does it state, (Hoshea 4:12) “My people ask counsel of their stick, and their staff declareth unto them” (Sifrei Devarim 171:6). (3) מעונן — Rabbi Akiba said, Such are people who assign times (עונות plural of עונה “period”, “time”) — who say, “This time is auspicious to begin some work”; the Sages, however, say, It refers to those “who hold your eyes under control” (who delude by optical deception; they connect מעונן with עין “eye”) (Sifrei Devarim 171:9)." —Rashi on Devarim 18:10-12 "... here he does not rely on the אות which he had stipulated, but where he asked G’d in prayer for help, saying that if certain things were to happen he would regard this as a sign that his prayer had been answered favorably (compare Ibn Ezra there). When the Talmud Chulin 95 כל נחש שאינו כאליעזר עבד אברהם ויהונתן בן שאול אינו נחש, the meaning is that “any divination which is not like that of Eliezer or that of Yonatan ben Sha-ul is not a divination,” i.e. is not permissible, but is akin to relying on witchcraft [Unless the person requesting a sign does so as a prayer directed to G’d it is forbidden. Ed.]" —Sforno on Beresheit 24:14 “The true power of the tarot lies in its ability to channel a clear path for our deep intuition to shine through. Consulting the tarot can help clear creativity blockages, clarify ambitions, work through complex decisions, and make sense of emotions and relationships.” —Holistic Tarot, Benebell Wen

In my interpretation of these quotes, I gather a few things:

1. In Jewish thought, dreams are 1/60th prophecy. However, dreams follow the mouth, i.e. interpretations. Multiple interpretations can be true. Being a confident and learned interpreter is important. While I did not quote it, the sages also advise the one should pay your interpreters fairly. 

2. Hashem has given humans free will, so we can make our own choices. That is unique to us as beings, unlike angels. G!d already knows the possible outcomes.

3. It is not divination to notice and realize patterns or answers as long as you do not use it as an omen to change immediate course - examples the sages mention in specific are "a piece of bread falls from your mouth, so you decide not to walk to the lake", i.e, seeking 'signs' and omens randomly to direct your life.

4. Rashi's explanation of what a diviner and sorcerer are, compiled from different Jewish texts. Now, I am not here to say "and this is proof Judaism and halacha are actually fine with divination!" Nope, in Bamidbar 23:23, it is very clear that Jews are told to get what they need from prophets or G!d themself, and do not need augury. What I am arguing here is that by these specifications, and connecting to my final point of what tarot actually is, tarot may not fall under that category depending on how you use it.

5. I wanted to highlight Sforno's commentary here because the way I read tarot is via prayer. Tarot is a tool, and when I begin a reading, I am not asking the cards, I am asking Hashem to use these cards as a sign and communication.

6. Finally, I quoted Benebell Wen because of her poignant understanding of how tarot is less about "fortune-telling" and more about a creative psycho-spiritual exercise for intuition and is more like a mirror to our subconscious telling us what is true. Fusing this with the ideas above, this is my short rundown of how I see and view Tarot: Tarot is a prayerful, spiritual tool as a way I can interpret and communicate from G!d, and I understand the cards themselves are not going to tell the future. Tarot is a mirror for the subconscious and a way for us to work through things we do not feel we can do on our own, be'ezrat Hashem (with the help of G!d).

Jewish Tarot Spreads

As I don't want to just post photos, I am instead going to include links to the tarot spreads I have found, to their origins so you can know the creator!The Archangel Spread The Divine Threads Spread Wisdom of the Hebrew Priestess Spread Vessel, Offering, Ally Spread Do Not Play It Small Spread Rooting and Releasing Spread

Jewish Tarot and Oracle Decks

Eht/Aht Netivot Oracle Deck

Tu B’shevat Oracle Deck

Moon Angels Oracle Deck

Malakhim Meditative Cards

Raziel Tarot Deck (Out of Print)

Jewish Tarot (Never Printed, Can See All Cards Virtually)

72 Names Deck

Tokens of Light Deck

King Solomon Deck

Revealed by the Letters Deck

Cleansing and Protection

So, of course, this is so dependent on what you think is most important for you, as it is your practice. However, I will share what I do.

When it comes to doing readings, I have a very specific ritual. First, I light incense or a candle depending on what I feel like doing at the time. This is something I am still working on and trying what fits best for me and my cards. I will use incense smoke to cleanse cards or the "knocking" card trick. Then, I say two prayers - I recite the blessing:

"Blessed are you G!d, Ruler of the Universe, who opens the eyes of the blind. The reason is because of the allegory that intuition and divination are connecting to a special type of sight. Then, in the case of the concern with sheydim messing with the reading, I have decided to use the protective angel prayer: 

"In the name of the Lord, G!d of Israel: 

May the angel Michael be at my right side, 

and at my left side, Gabriel,

before me Uriel, behind me Raphael,

and above my head, Shekhinat El, G!d's presence." This is traditionally recited at night, but I felt it was just as appropriate to call on these angels for protection. Plus, Uriel is associated with illumination and is a useful presence to have during these readings. In Jewish gemology, lapis lazuli is good for bringing understanding and grounding intuition, so I use that gemstone as well while I read. Eventually, I'd like to also get an onyx as it is associated with enlightenment and wisdom in Jewish gemology. I also use a tarot cloth with a hamsa and have a protective amulet pendant.

Finally, when I shuffle my cards, I sing a very specific phrase - the "ein od milvado" from Kohelet 1:2, in a tune that puts me into a meditative headspace - and I shuffle with my eyes closed, only stopping when I feel it is right to do so. I also use a kabbalistic meditation technique to allow the divine flow (shefa) from G!d's light flow through the crown of my head. 

If you liked this work and information, consider tipping me at: https://ko-fi.com/ezrasaville!

Sources (I will post this in every post of this series): Sefaria Chabad Tarot and the Gates of Light by Mark Horn Torah, Tarot, and Tantra by William Blank The Jewish Dream Book by Vanessa Ochs Magic of the Ordinary by R. Gershon Winkler Tarot Wisdom by Rachel Pollack The Wisdom in the Hebrew Alphabet by R. Michael Munk The Encyclopedia of Jewish Magic, Myth, and Mysticism by R. Geoffrey Dennis https://www.telshemesh.org/ https://hsastrology.weebly.com/hebrew-zodiac-signs.html https://ohr.edu/this_week/ask_the_rabbi/2394 https://www.gatesoflighttarot.com/ http://www.devotaj.com/ http://www.peelapom.com/