#so i cant stop feeling like i wanna die every month

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[strawberrysweater]

i hate having a bodyyyyyyy

[gandreida]

This is the least depressed I have felt in years

[tthesongofachilless]

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

♟️ — relationship: Max Verstappen x fem!teammate!reader

♟️ — face claim: Pinterest

♟️ — WARNING: This smau includes hate, death threats and sexism.

♟️ — a/n: thank you everyone for the support recently! Its been a wild ride making this, so I hope you enjoy it! For requests on my next smau, feel free to put in an ask! Enjoy

maxverstappen1, yourbestfriend and 384,752 other liked..

f1: F1 BREAKING: Y/n Y/l/n signs with Redbull! ✏️

view comments:

user1: WHAT HUH WAIT WHAAA

user2: RUE... WHEN WAS THIS?

user3: IM SHAKING

redbullracing: welcome 🫶🏻

user4: OH HELL NO

user5: checo come back the kids miss you (im the kids)

maxverstappen1: 👋

user6: i thought we were getting a maxiel reunion..

user7: she's a fucking rookie what do redbull expect is gonna happen

user8: the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself 😔😔😔

yourusername: 🫶

user9: shut your goofy ass up go to Williams instead they will LOVE you there

yourbestfriend, landonorris and 23,038 others liked..

yourusername: trying to live my life till the fullest until my trainer forces me to stop 🙈

view comments:

user10: oh don't worry girlie you'll be back to living your life till the fullest in no time

user11: gosh lando in the likes she's already tryna bag every driver

user12: all i wanna know is how does y/n make that many cups of coffee and not finish any of them?

user13: cant wait to see her make a post talking about her leaving F1

user14: y/n is about to become the james charles of f1

yourbestfriend: miss you xxx

yourusername: miss you more!!!

—

liked by redbullracing, maxverstappen1 and 197,296 others..

f1: 👋 Hello Max, Hello Y/n! Who's ready for our opening round of the season?

view comments

user20: gosh she won't even let the photographers get a good picture for the official f1 insta

user21: did they..... arrive together...?

user22: uhm!!! who is this girl!!!! where is checo!!!!???

user23: max run

redbullracing: Hello, f1!

yourusername: ME!!!🙈🙈🙈

user24: shut UP ALREADY

schecoperez and 482,074 liked..

f1: CONTACT! 💥 Max Verstappen is okay, safety car is deployed.

view comments:

user25: im going to murder y/n.

user26: turning the tv off it isn't worth watching anymore

user27: CHECO IN THE LIKES HAHAHA

user28: hey y/n do a mazespin

user29: redbull shaking in their boots

landonorris, redbullracing and 963,285 liked..

f1: Y/N Y/L/N, A FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIX WINNER!

view comments

yourbestfriend: THAT'S MY GIRL

redbullracing: 👊👊👊

user30: ugh

user31: can't wait for her to crash at every other race!

user32: wondering how the haters feel now...

yourusername: I FEEL AMAZING 🥁🥁

user33: kill yourself

yourusername posted a story!

caption: I'm winning

tagged: maxverstappen1

view comments

maxverstappen1: uhm you cheated

yourusername: you literally ate one of your cards

user34: leave that man alone

user35: jump out of the bus

maxverstappen1, taylorswift and 38,284 others liked..

yourusername: Taylor was right! Haters gonna hate hate hate while I'm just gonna shake shake shake!

view comments

user36: she's so annoying

user37: she's a swiftie? Gonna stop listening to Taylor now 🙉

taylornation: glad we could help 💕

user38: are we not going to talk about the second picture

user39: im scared for that mans wellbeing

maxverstappen1: 🏌️ Score!

user40: MAX RUN

—

— 7 Months later..

maxverstappen1, yourbestfriend and 918,024 others liked..

yourusername: wanna die but at least I've got my boo 💐

view comments

yourusername: you deserve so much better baby 💕

maxverstappen1: 👫 twinssss

user44: I'm sorry YOU SAY TWINS IN THAT YOU WANNA DIE OR YOU GOT YOUR BOO

user45: girl has been through it all in the past few months

user46: show them that they're wrong!!

user47: who is the boo?

user48: ugh such a pinterest lifestyle

liked by redbullracing, maxverstappen1 and 486,019 others

f1: Our final race of the season is upon us! Who will take the title? Verstappen or Y/l/n?

view comments

user50: if y/n manages to win the title in her rookie year despite all the hate she's getting I'm going to be so proud

user51: both deserve it so much 🧡

redbullracing: We are happy either way!

user52: DU DU DU DU MAX VERSTAPPEN

user53: y/n prove the haters wrong!

liked by 401,851 others.

F1: RED FLAG 🚩 Mick is okay.

view comments

user54: SHITTTT

user55: Mick baby you need a new seat

user56: doesn't this now make redbull 1-2?

user57: yeah! y/n is leading while Max is second

liked by 1,052,852 others

F1: We go racing again in Abu Dhabi! Y/n is leading with Max in second and Lewis in third.

view comments

user58: YOU GOT THIS Y/N!!!

user59: Lewis could do so something really funny now

user60: MAXIE 2024 CHAMP

user61: last race with Lewis at merc... im not sad... no...

user62: im shaking

maxverstappen1, yourbestfriend and 4,952,012 others liked..

F1: OUR NEWEST WORLD CHAMPION, Y/N Y/L/N!

view comments

user64: fucking bitch

user65: YESSSSSS

user66: UGH

user67: the way max looked at her when he got out of the car 🥹

user68: can't tell if she used him to get the wdc or if they are actually in love

user69: MAX AND Y/N OH MY GODD

user70: 💕

yourbestfriend: AHDHDHHGDDHHD IM GONNA DIE

yourusername, redbullracing and 6,308,157 others liked

maxverstappen1: Y/n, I've loved you since I first met you in our junior years. Your personality matches mine, and I could've never asked for anyone more beautiful than you. Please let us grow old together and look back on these moments and laugh.

Love you, world champion. 💛

view comments

yourusername: 💛 Gosh I love you come back to our room let me kiss you

user71: "let us grow old together" max what if I just died now

redbullracing: So happy for you both 💛

user72: THE THIRD PICTURE?

user73: gonna cry myself to sleep

user74: THEY ARE SO CUTEEEE

user75: UGHFHFHFHD

— fin 💐

— ♟️ a/n : thank you all so much for reading this! This took a while to make, as i was really stuck on how to progress the story further without making it too short. Again, if you have any smau requests, feel free to put them in my asks! Love you all 🦅🦅

[astroyongie]

Seventeen: They Text You One Month After Your Death

Note: heavy angst and mentions of S* Scoups

"Wake up y/n and stay with me"  "I swear to god that right now, I need you here"  "I need you to stay strong baby.. Can you yell those words at me again please?"  "Ever since you left i try to remind me where I came from and where I belong, but without you i feel so lost in this earth"  "So wake up y/n.. and stay with me"

Wonwoo

"Its been a month already y/n.. do you remember, summer after high school, when we first met?"  "We maded out in my car and on my 18th birthday, we got those stupid matching tattoos. I still cry when i look at mine"  "do you remember when we used to steal your parents' liquor and go to your room? we spoke about our future like we had a clue you would leave me"  "fuck i never planned that one day I would be losing you. Why did you got to leave?"  "In another life y/n, I would be your husband and we both could keep all our promises of being happy together"

Mingyu

"I've been holding my breath each time i think of you"  “Wonwoo told me he put lillies on your tomb today. Sorry. didn't come, I've been holding back tears ever since that day"  "I miss you so much y/n"  "I've done a lot of things wrong, but i swear loving you was never one"

Vernon

"y/n"  "I can't imagine a world with you gone and yet here we are. Fuck i am still in denial"  "I have always said i would be so lost if you left me alone in this fucked up world"  "I can't stop crying"  "the images of you locked in the bathroom, lying on the floor when I broke through"  "and i pulled you y/n, did you felt me? did you heard me y/n? I pull you in to feel your heartbeat and i couldnt hear a damn thing"  "did you hear me screaming?"  "Please don't leave me"

Hoshi

"It's not true. Even today i can't accept that its true"  "y/n, please tell me I've been lied to, that you are still here, that you are still alive and well somewhere"  "Crying isn't like me, but i didn't stop ever since you left"  "What the hell did I do?"  "I love you but I don't want to"  "this hurts so much"

The8

"Hey y/n how have you been? Have you been sleeping well? have you been eating well?"  "I hope you are wearing that hoodie i gave you. I am wearing the one you gave me. as a matter of fact i dont have the heart to remove it"  "I hope you bribed the door on your way to the sky. I know god wouldnt mind it"  "y/n wait for me yeah? I miss you. Dont cry for me. The end is near”

Jun

"Hey y/n"  "sorry i am only talking to you now.. ah, i may have fucked up ahah"  "I am currently laying in the silence, waiting for the sirens of the ambulance"  "yeah.. i fucked up.. but i missed you so much"  "I'm alive still.."  "I don't wanna lose it but i cant bare being apart from you"  "but I'm not getting through this.. y/n what should i do?"  "should I pray? to whom? to myself? to a God?"  "y/n.. help me"

Dino

"miss your touch every nights y/n.. lately i have been feeling a little hollow. And you how have you been feeling?"  "I know you crossed the bridge that I can't follow, but hey brat, you could have said goodbye"  "but now we cant change the past.. the love that you left is all that I get"  "I want you to know that, if I can't be close to you, I'll try settle for the ghost of you"  "I miss you more than life"

Woozi

"I am sorry i keep texting you. i just hate you so much right now.” ”never saw it coming, I couldn't read the signs that you werent okay and fuck this.. i hate myself"  "Now I know that it means nothing"  "you are always on my mind y/n"  "the others are trying to tricked into believing that everything will work out in the end"  "fuck them. You were the only one for me"

Joshua

"Hey baby how are you? I am not doing good ahah.."  "All I want is nothing more but too hear you knocking at our appartment door"  "if I could see your face once more y/n, I could die a happy man"  "When you said your last goodbye that night, when that fucking disease took you, i swear to all angels I died a little bit inside"  "y/n, i miss you so much and all i do is lay in tears in bed"  "I never felt so alone"  "But if you loved me, why you leaved me?"

Jeonghan

"Yo brat.." “Woozi and Joshua made me text you.. tsk they are idiots.."  "but hey brat.. you were the light to my shadow, did you know?"  "fuck god to take my star. another star they say, fuck them. you are fading away in my memory"  "Where are you now brat? Are you okay?"  "Please... y/n."

DK

"y/n I think I lost myself again"  "But I remember you told me to stay strong and Seungkwan has been nagging me to eat more"  "But I wish you would be the one telling me that"  "y/n tell me why our love is six feet under ground? Are you cold down there?"  "I will go to your grave tomorrow.. Wonwoo told me to watered the Dahlias"  "Would they bloom?"  "It's all too much for me"  "How could you die carelessly? Whos gonna take care of my heart now?"

Seungkwan

"Hey baby"  "i decided to text you bc sunday mornings were your favorite and we used to meet with the gang"  "your last sunday you did your hair up, you looked so pretty"  "y/n, I have been screamin at a God for the past weeks"  "I'm still holding on to everything, I don't wanna say goodbye bc this one means forever"  "I don't want to say goodbye so please.. come back to me"

[billluver0124]

"you think im gonna stop?"

synopsis: bill whos worried sick finds y/n in an alleyway, on yet another bender. bill tries to help her change her ways, but will y/n ever really stop drinking? WARNINGS: heavy alcohol use, cursing, angst themes

No one really knows how it started to bloom, but y/n had a very unhealthy drinking habit. you could always spot her with an alcoholic drink in her hand, almost as if she was a magnet for alcohol. Everytime she drank she would go on a bender that would last days, weeks, one time it was a month. she had to be hospitalized that time. but even after that, she never stopped drinking. normally after people got tired of her behavior they would leave her life, but bill was different, he always stayed and took care of her.

Y/n and bill have known each other since middle school, she defended him a lot when it came to the bullying he went through in school. he was always grateful for that. them two as a duo were inseparable, stuck together like glue. it pained him to see her like this now, especially since this was a very close friend of his. Y/n was now on yet another bender, but this time it was different. normally you would catch her at a nearby bar or outside of it if the staff kicked her out. but she wasnt there. bill drove around to every bar she was a regular at, and she was nowhere to be found. where could she possibly have gone? bill thought to himself as he was growing more worried by the second. he searched all over town, for sure knowing that she couldnt have gone that far. but its been three days, anything is possible at this point.

Just as he was about to call it a night, he finds her asleep in a nearby alleyway. her clothes torn and her shirt barely on her torso. but luckily she had a carhartt jacket to keep her warm. her skin was so pale, her eye bags were so dark and she reeked of whiskey, and conveniently enough there was an empty bottle of jack daniels in her hand. she looked terrible.

"y/n get up.." bill shakes her awake, she wakes up confused. "where am i?" bill doesnt answer her, he helps her up and takes her to his car. helping her into the passenger seat and hopping in the driver's seat, continuing the drive home. As they were driving, y/n spots a bar. "can you stop at the bar? i wanna go get a drink please" the effects of the alcohol from yesterday havent even faded yet, how could she possibly want another drink? "absolutely not." bill said, his tone serious. "awh c'mon billy.." she whined drunkenly, "youre not even sober right now" "im sober enough to want another drink" y/n rolled her eyes, digging into her pocket to find three mini shot bottles in there. she smiled as she opens one and downs the entire shot. bill looking over and noticing "are you serious y/n?" bill snatches the other two bottles, throwing them out of his car side window. "what the hell bill?! i was gonna drink those!" she yelled, slurring every word "thats exactly why i threw them" he replied.

they finally reached his house, bill gets out to go help y/n inside. they get inside, bill taking her shoes off and hanging her jacket. he takes her to his couch and sits her down, sitting on the coffee table right in front of her. "we need to talk" he says, y/n not even replying. she just glared at him as he continued speaking. "im worried about you, you cant just go on these crazy benders because you feel like it y/n" he speaks, holding her hands in his to try and get her to listen. "im a grown ass woman bill, im fucking 27 years old. if i want a drink i can drink." she said bluntly, her tone was calm but she sounded like she wanted to yell at him. "this isnt just a drink y/n, this is unhealthy!" bill snapped, getting up from where he was sitting "you can and will die from this if you keep drinking for fucks sake!" he yelled, tears prickling his eyes. y/n scoffed at him, bill takes a breath attempting to calm himself "i care about you y/n, ive been the one to take care of you everytime you go on a bender. you are my best friend, youve been with me since middle school..." bill voice begins to crack "d-dont i mean something to you..?" he asked, tears spilling out of his eyes.

"you think youre special or something?" she replied, "w-what?" he asked, clearly confused by her question. "you think im gonna stop for you? just because you chose to stay doesnt mean that im just gonna quit for you." she spoke harshly, each word felt like a shatter in bills heart.

y/n gets up from the couch "y/n-" "what? you willingly chose to stay in my life bill, you have the right to leave. i didnt beg for anyone else to stay and i wont fucking beg for you either." bill grabs her wrist "please y/n, i just want you to be okay" y/n snatches his hand from her wrist "no fuck that" she said, walking over to grab her stuff "im outta here, see you around bill" she slams the door as she left, the sound of the door triggering bills tears. he flops on the couch, face in his hands as he cried. he cared so much about y/n, he knew the words she said she didnt mean; but oh god were they so painful to hear. he didnt want to see her asleep in an alleyway again. or worse, dead in a casket. bill just wanted y/n to be like the way she used to be; smiley, bubbly, kind, beautiful. she was still beautiful but now she was also mean and vile. what happened to the y/n bill once knew? will she ever come back or is she just...gone?

authors note!! omg two stories in one night? woah crazy! anyways, i enjoyed making this one and i hope you guys enjoy it too>.< love you guys<33

[equallyshaw]

secret love song | luke hughes

warnings: swearing, no happy ending my loves🙈

word count: 2.9k +

also her brother is a professional athlete, no specifics!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

We keep behind closed doors Every time I see you I die a little more Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls It'll never be enough

◦

sadie murphy and luke hughes met right after the new jersey devils lost in the second round of the playoffs. they absolutely adored one another from the gecko. they were able to be together, without anyone knowing. secret glanes and secret touches in public, in and around their friend groups. nobody batted an eye. sadie and luke wanted to keep it quiet just because of who her brother was and who luke was, a budding athlete and the two did not want that extra pressure or people following their every move. yet, they wanted nothing more than to be public.

every time they are around one another in public, the universe makes it quite difficult for them to not stare at one another, or grab each others hands behind everybody else. it was killing sadie beyond belief as soon as month two of the season rolled around. luke couldn't or wouldn't take the time to truly understand why she wanted things to be a secret.

"luke you dont get it! my brother will kill me. he specifically told me no athletes and here we are! i know i cant possibly have you promise or make you keep us quiet. because believe me, i want to tell them i wanna tell the world and be seen with you and wear your jersey at games, but i-i i just cant." she said one night, as they were sharing a quiet date in her apartment in manhattan. he shook his head from the dinner table as she was busying herself with dinner. "do you not want to be seen with me sadie? is that the real reason you don't want to go public or tell your fucking family?" he asked now irritated, and she dropped the salad mixers. she looked up from him as he walked over towards the brunette. she shook her head, "the fact that you're asking that is wild!" she said now turning towards him fully, "are you nuts? its killing me not to be able to, but i don't want the world tearing us apart because believe me they will!" she screamed now. he threw his hands up in the air, in disbelief. "well it seems like were gonna keep going in circles so im leaving." he said beginning to walk towards the apartment door. she growled, "stop!" she said hoping he'd stop. "don't leave, we have to finish this conversation!" she said now walking towards him. "why would we? you've made everything perfectly clear for me, sadie." he said opening the door and stopping briefly to look back at the girl. "stop..let me at least drive you home." she said sighing. luke nodded, and waited at the door for her to grab her purse and keys. he let her walk out, and then he shut the door behind them.

◦

As you drive me to my house I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down You and I will have to hide On the outside Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine

◦

sadie and luke drove towards luke's and jack's apartment right over the border in hoboken. billie eillish was playing softly in the background as the two sat in silent. luke was doing everything he could to not cry at that very moment. he wanted to keep his emotions in check, but every minute they drove closer and closer and every moment they drove in silence, was killing him. just like her, it'd been killing him inside too. he wanted to how her off to the world, and celebrate all the things that make her her and what she'd been doing since graduating, in public. he was head over heels in love with this girl. yet, he feared that they'd never be each others for the long haul. she pulled up to the curb, and parked her car. the two contniued to sit in silence, not wanting to say anything that would conclude their relationship.

"i love you." luke blurted, and sadie could feel her heart swell. she loved him too, the past 6 months almost cemented that. she turned towards luke with tears in her eyes, and smiled. luke felt the breath he'd been holding in, exit his body. "i love you too, lukey." she said smiling and then pulled him in boldly to kiss him. luke's hand found the base of her neck, her brunette hair felt like silk in his hand. the other found her hand that connected to his instantly. they pulled apart resting their foreheads against one another. "soon, lukey. soon." she hummed before pecking him quickly. he looked at her with a slight slant to his head, "really?" he whispered and she nodded. "yes." she whispered back, and he now pecked her. "ill call you when i get back home." she said unclasping their hands and he nodded, getting out.

◦

But I know this, we got a love that is hopeless

◦

despite the two confessing, sadie had a deep fear that swelled in her stomach. if she told her brother and he told his brothers, things would change. things would change so much, they'd have no choice but to break up. god, how she hated how that boy made her feel that was certain.

◦

Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that?

◦

sadie did not know what to do, as soon as she showed up to the bar. she walked in with a few girlfriends and they made their way to the group of hockey players. and as soon as she turned to go find luke- she saw him. he was talking to a girl at the bar, and stood awfully close to her. they were laughing, smiling, and talking very close to one another. sadie felt a distaste in her mouth, and quickly looked away. "lukey finally got a date?" maya her close friend questioned his brother, and jack nodded. "finally, I've been trying to get them together for a while now but he's been so fuckin stubborn!" jack explained, pushing a shot into each girls hands. sadie threw it back gracefully, before going off to the bar to get another and a drink to begin the night. luke did not notcie the girl slide over, as he was engrossed in a conversation with the blonde. she was nice, he'd give her that. yet, she was not sadie. nobody would ever be sadie.

later on in the evening, sadie was about 4 drinks deep by the time the musical performance was beginning. luke and the girl were still at the bar conversing and sadie had seen him lean in a few times, but she'd look away before she could see anything else. jack wrapped an arm around sadie, cheering with the rest of the crowd as the guest came out. "hows sadie burrows doing tonight?" he questioned, looking down at her. she shrugged sipping more of her drink. "you seem down. anything happen today?" he questioned, leaning a bit closer so she did not have to speak very loudly. she blew some air, frustratedly. as luke and the blonde were coming to join the group, he saw how close jack was to sadie. he knew sadie obviously didnt have any feelings for his brother and never had, but couldn't get rid of the feeling she did in that moment. she laughed at whatever jack had said, throwing her head back and saw a glint of spark in jacks eyes.

he turned his attention back towards the blonde, trying to ignore the giggles that sadie put on display. the group took in the musical guest, for the next two hours. sadie made many glances towards luke and her heart broke, when she saw the two of them swaying. luke had his arms wrapped around the girl from behind and they swayed to the music. sadie felt tears pool her eyes, and the feeling that she needed to get out of there. she set her drink back down in front of her, and quickly moved out of jack's arm that was still around her shoulder. she made her way outside of the bar, and breathed in the cold november air that hit her like a ton of bricks.

she sat down against the brick wall and cried in her knees, shakingly pulling out her phone to call her brother. she sniffled, shutting it. she would wait to call him, and she sara nora her other friend walk out. "want me to drive you home?" and sadie nodded. she pulled her friend up and the two walked back to her car, since she was the DD. "wanna tell me about it?" nora treaded lightly, as she pulled onto the street. "is it about luke?" nora asked and sadie quickly whipped her head towards her friend. nora giggled, "yeah i had a feeling for awhile now. you two are not always so suttle." she hummed and sadie sighed. "im sorry love, what luke was doing was a dick move." she said grabbing her friends hand and pulling it tightly. sadies phone buzzed with a ccouple texts from luke. she put her phone on silent as they were now just pulling up to her building. "let me know if you need anything, sades." and sadie nodded. "thanks." she said before stepping out. she made her way upstairs quickly, and as soon as she entered her apartment she was already clicking mike's contact. and as soon as he picked up, she broke down.

"sadie?" he questioned now fully alert. his heart broke watching her cry, and he waited respectfully for her to talk. and once she did, he was angry. he was angry, disheartened, frustrated and all he wanted to do was hug his little sister. the two spoke for another hour and she had made he way to her couch at that point. she was sitting up as soon as she heard a knock on her door. her eyebrows crinkled, and mike watched as she looked over towards the door. "uh, one sec. somebody's here." she said setting the phone down and making her way towards the door.

◦

It's obvious you're meant for me Every piece of you it just fits perfectly Every second, every thought I'm in so deep But I'll never show it on my face

But we know this We got a love that is hopeless

◦

she opened the door to luke, and quickly shut it before his reflexes could react. "ill call you back mike....luke's here." she said grabbing her phone. "no, don't talk to him." and she paused glaring at him, "let me." he said and she shook her head. "i have too...i have to end things mikey. " she said softly and mike relaxed just a bit nodding. "okay, call me once he leaves." and then she hung up. she opened the door to luke waiting, and she let him step in. "let me explain." he said turning around quickly. sadie shook her head, "you atleast owe me that sadie." and she sighed walking into the living room with him following. "jack was the one that forced us together, i had no intention of talking to her but he -" and she cut him off. "forced? are you 5 luke? you can make your own decisions." she huffed, crossing her arms. "i didnt want to talk to her i swear! i did it so it wouldnt strange. besides, you cant get upset with me when you are the one that doesnt want to be seen in public." he spat and she bit her lip. "its been a month since we said i love you's, and ive barely seen you and - and, you havent made any move to make us go public. and i dont think i can do it anymoe, sadie! i dont think i can and i dont think i want to wait anymore." he said out loud, finally saying what he'd been wanting to say for some time now. she met his eye and she saw his frustration and a look of emptyness.

"wait what?" she questioned, wanting him to repeat what she thinks he said. "i know that we are meant for one another. i know with every fiber and being in my body that we are meant for one another. when i think of my future, i see you in all of it. it kills me to not be with you every second of the day, it kills me to not be seen with you, dancing with you in public, tonight- tonight it could have been you and i sadie. don't you realize that? do you not realize how deep i am? how fucking in love i am with you?" he said desperately. "or did you not realize that when you were with my brother tonight?" he asked, a low fucking blow. "fuck you luke! you know ive never seen him that way. he was being a friend, more than you were tonight!" she screamed and he shook his head, "what did he say to make you laugh? what did he say to make you laugh that deeply?" he questioned and she rolled her eyes. "are you jealous?" she questioned and he laughed, "i could ask the same thing sadie." he said chuckling just a bit. "he made a dumb joke...about penguins becuase he could see how down i was. nothing else, nothing more." she said and he didn't buy it. "why was he all over you tonight?" and she now chuckled. "you read too much into it luke, you sound dumb right now." she put her hands in her face, and thought about what he said.

" im just playing with time right? you were never going to make things official with me, right? was it-" he paused hating himself for what he was going to say, "was it all a game to you?" he asked in disbelief. "what?" she said barely above a whisper. "how could you ask me that? after everything?" she questioned, pulling her hands from her face. "because you keep going round and round in circles, stringing me along! giving me false hope every fucking time we see one another. do you know how exhausting that gets huh? do you not understand how much it hurts me every time, i leave and nothing has changed?!" he said with tears streaming down his face. oh, how that killed the girl. "we have to recognize at some point before its too late...that this...whatever this thing between us isn't going to work out. that im not gonna get the future i envision with you, sadie." he said and she felt herself crying now.

"i want to luke...i really want to." she said softly, "you know my anxiety, my habit of isolation and panic. you knew this going into this!" she threw back and he rolled his eyes. "dont use that an excuse, sadie. youre better than that!" he said turning around, his hands resting on his waist. "lets just call it what it is. you dont love me..enough to be official. and im not gonna stick around when i already know the ending." he said turning back around to face her. she shook her head, letting a sob out. she had nothing left to say, she knew that whatever she said wouldn't be enough. nothing could buy her more time, and they both knew it. luke walked towards the girl, pulling her in. he kissed her head, rubbing her back softly. "im sorry for all of this luke, i really am." she said crying now. he nodded kissing her head once more. "i know sadie i know." he said pulling back just a bit so he could look at her. he wiped away her tears, and pulled her in for one last kiss.

they parted, and he pulled out his car keys which had two extra keys on it. his apartment key and her's, and he slipped the latter off of it. she took it from him and just watched as he walked out of her life. as soon as luke exited the apartment complex, and hopped back in jacks car, where jack had been waiting patiently. jack took one look at his young brother and saw the pained look he was sporting, "its over." was all luke said before breaking down. jack placed his hand on his brother's back for comfort. as soon as nora and sadie left the bar, so did jack and luke. luke told jack everything, and jack hated himself for pushing luke and the girl together that evening. though luke reminded him that he didn't know, so he shouldn't feel bad.

◦

the two didn't see one another for quite some time after that. it wasn't until new years even in the city when their extended friend group got together for a party. the both of them walking in with somebody on their arm. luke with the girl from that evening, and sadie with a friend from back home, that had only recently turned into something more. as soon as sadie entered the penthouse, luke quickly took notice of the girl and sent a smile towards her. she smiled back, before her boyfriend whisked her away towards the drinks.

them both knowing deep down, that they'd run back to one another if the opportunity arose.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

hope you guys enjoyed! pls like and reblog if you did (:

[class-1b-bull]

how would the 1-B members react to being HEAVILY flirted with by someone they like? Like, it's so obvious that there's no question about their intentions.

Not proofread we die like men

(Sorry if this one is a little rushed I am really sick rn and I wanna take a nap lmao)

Awase - at first he would flirt back playfully but the more his crush flirts with him the more he clams up and becomes a blushing mess incapable of speaking.

Sen - he honestly becomes a little overwhelmed and he freezes up although hes also really happy about it.

Kamakiri - bro tells you to stfu at first but then he starts to flirt back after a while of ignoring it and questioning why his crush would be flirting with him

Kuroiro - bro is in HEAVY denial. Hes trying to find any possible reason hos crush would be flirting with him and his crush genuinely being interested isnt a reason to him. He actually thinks its a joke but he really hopes its not

Kendo - she didnt get it at first but after her crush continued to flirt she got more and more embarrassed

Kodai - she stays silent because she has no idea how to react to her crush flirting with her but it makes her really happy

Komori - not only does she become supper flustered and embarrassed but the flirting got her distracted for almost a full month afterwards.

Shiozaki - she feels really special for getting that kind of treatment from someone she values honestly. But she just becomes a blushing mess for the most part

Shishida - once you start to flirt with him he freezes up completely. He mostly tries to figure out if you like him or if you were just joking when you flirted because he cant grasp the idea that you actually like him

Shoda - when you actually flirt with him he simply gets embarrassed but for every interaction you two have he overthinks everything.

Pony - the second her crush starts to flirt with her she becomes really happy and excited. She lightly flirts back but will get too embarrassed to flirt back a ton

Tsubaraba - he would immediately start blushing like crazy and he becomes an embarrassed mess that cant get a proper sentence out

Tetsutetsu - the flirting probably catches him off guard and surprises him more than anything else but he will talk about it for hours later. (Probably talking about how manly it is)

Tokage - she honestly doesnt know how to react and ahe will either akwardly laugh and smile or sit there silently embarrassed. Or a mixture of the two

Manga - other than his speach bubble head giving away his exact feelings towards the person and the flirting itself but he would talk about the flirting non stop for months (tbh he would do that if his crush just complimented him or something)

Honenuki - he probably blushes a bit and stays to himself while his crush flirts with him. He will lightly flirt back tho.

Bondo - not only does he immediately clam up and become a blushing mess the second his crush starts to flirt with him (or even when their near him for that matter) but he also cant get a proper sentence out and becomes a bit embarrassed

Monoma - he either flirts back or belittles you for flirting with him. Or he does a bit of both. Either way he teases the shit out of his crush

Reiko - she immediately would become extremely embarrassed and flustered once her crush starts flirting with her. The more they flirt the more red she becomes

Rin - he tries to flirt back a little but he would probably end up tripping on his words and having the attempted flirtating end up not good to say the least. Then he just clams up embarrassed

Gif anime - girls last tour

[domesticatedmeatpig]

real talk. does anyone else struggle with an extremely inconsistent art style? it is truly something i despise about my art and why i hate running social media. like. this drawing

people liked it. ok yay! but what now. what do i post now? i feel extreme pressure to keep drawing like that because its what people expect - most artists have consistent art styles - i dont want to dissapoint. which is why i posted this. i wanted to make something that would be enjoyed, right? and it was! yay notes!

but i dont "Naturally" draw like this. i only draw in this style intentionally, i guess. i like this art, i like abstract and surrealist artists and i can make myself draw like that if i try.. but my natural art style is uncolored shitty doodles. that is what i draw when i am purposefully not trying to imitate something or to draw something for other people to enjoy. its what i draw when i just want to draw for myself. but do people want to see that...? No lol

so i am trapped in a cycle. i want to make nice rendered art. because thats what everyone likes, and what all the normal artists do! i want validation i want people to see and consume my art. but i dont draw that way naturally, it isnt my "style". so whenever i force myself to fully render something it comes out extremely different every time. for example, these were all drawn this month. what!!

I cant and dont want to post these all on the same account, as they are aimed at entirely different audiences. So I feel pressured to keep making account after account, juggling a bunch of different personalities and shit and i just dont want to!! I dont wanna post art! but i do!! i want people to see my art and be like wow cool press like. but i dont.

am i just being autistic. this has been a problem for like.. years now. i just wanna be normal, consistent, i wanna be like everyone else frown. and i know realistically the solution to this is to stop caring. post whatever i want. stop sharing my art for a year and only draw for myself. but i cant lol. i need money, for one. and i have extremely high expectations for myself and posting art that i care about, that i enjoy, just for it to get 0 interactions would make me wanna die - and also feel like a completle faliure for not using my "talent". so im keeping on with my 20 artist alter egos and my extreme guilt over not drawing right and bro. it sucks

i dont even know why im posting this because my anxiety over this is so bad i literally cant check my notifications to see a response. just ... life sucks man. turn back. save yourselves. skibidi toilet or whatever the kids say. meat pig out!

[bunnihearted]

legitimately wanna die bc i keep checking his blog and thinking obsessively about him and then i get pangs in my chest as i realize that he doesnt care abt me bc he has someone else again so he doesnt think of me and im sitting here going crazy bc i want him so bad but he doesnt want me he wants someone else 🥴

[samncolbyjj]

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

Jakw Webber

Warnings: angst

A/n: so there's a reference of a song hidden in this chapter, its not bubblegum (the song of the chapter) there's another one, try and Find out what song is it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

|Y/N's Pov|

I was dating Jake for some months, and i do know that him and Tara are just friends. But he seems to like her and not me, i feel like hes using me sometimes... And he doesn't even notice, i feel likw he thinks its love but it's actually just a band-aid for his bruises.

Tara was my best friend so it was 100x worse because you can't vent about it to her, she will say that its fine and he loves me not her. But i don't want that, i want someone to listen and help me solve it, i knew she won't do it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We are filming a video in my house. We are testing pool toys and answering some questions the chat sent to one of Jake's posts. Johnnie was streaming so it was just me, Jake and Tara. They were filming like i wasn't there, i just grabbed some stuff and tried it by myself while they were trying stuff together. It felt like she was his girlfriend not me.

"Y/n this one is for you!" I looked at Jake as he began to read the question. "Is there anything you'd change about Jake?" I got nervous, of course there was, I wanted him to love me. But saying that now? I wasn't even ready to tell Tara about it imagine telling him with millions of people watching.

I couldn't tell anything else because i wouldn't change anything else in him. "Yes, I would. I would change the way he sees me." Jake and Tara got confused, they looked at eachother to see if either of them knew anything but both didn't know

"What do you mean babe?" Jake asked me and i just turned around and grabbed another toy to try out. He kept trying things, but he was more silent now, Tara was also silent since he was not talking much with her.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We kept asking questions and trying stuff, but it wasn't that fun anymore, so Jake just stopped recording. As soon as he turned the camera off i walked inside and went to our room. Jake noticed and followed me there.

He opened the door and saw me in the bed with my laptop watching cartoons. "Hey babe can we talk" i got a little nervous, but I just sighed "yeah i guess we can" he sat down next to me.

"What did you mean with you'd change the way i see you" i closed my laptop and looked at him, i wasn't mad, but i was exhausted so i was being kinda rude. "You really want to know?" He looked at me in the eyes and nodded. "I want you to see me how you see Tara, she's your ex and sometimes it seems like you prefer her, she's got you mesmerized, while i die! I cant hate her, she's my best friend, she's an angel, but then again kinda wish she was dead... Or not maybe its a strong word but gone at least in your life... Jake... i wish i was Tara..."

He looked at me concerned, i looked like i was crying but nothing was coming out of my eyes. I wanted to cry but i couldn't, my stomach is spinning and I feel sick. He wraps his arm around me and pulled me close, my head resting in his chest.

"Look im sorry for making you feel like that, but i don't love her, im over her i promise you! Me and her are just friends, we're close but just close friends who like to do shit, im sorry for not giving you attention. I promise to give you more attention from now on, i really love you Y/n... I really do..."

His hand running up and down my arm. He kissed my forehead and grabbed my chin making me face him. I looked In his eyes and gave him a gentle peck. "Sorry for overthinking... I just really... I dont wanna lose you, especially not to her, she's my best friend and I'd had to see that every day..."

"You won't i promise you... Now... Wanna go to some 711 to get smth" he said smiling at me and getting up. "Again? Okay why not." I laughed and hugged him.

I love him. Im glad he loves me too.

✰~------------------------------~✰

A/n: seriously, i loved writing this one, btw leave requests please!!!

Questions: -Did you find the reference to that song? If you did what song do you think is it? -Have tou read my other one shots? Opinions? -Favourite artist?

✰~------------------------------~✰

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

[hellsbroadcaster]

I feel bad because I haven't really done much here. I don't really like using my health as an excuse but its genuinely what it is. I'm exhausted all the time. This steroid medication is the worst and its going on 8 whole month's I've been taking it. I've gained a ton of weight, like it doesn't feel normal. my body aches all the time. I feel like I'm pregnant. none of my clothes fit me anymore which only leads to more of my inner self loathing which I hate because after my last relationship i really worked hard to build myself up. And it felts like every time I think I'm getting better SOMETHING happens. and I try so hard to not let it get to me.

It took me years to stop being in denial about diabetes. i almost had to die before I started to accept that this was my life. and ive been proud and worked very hard to get where I am with it. not I feel like I'm failing again cuz the steroids work against them. my A1C went up, and i'm just so disappointed by it. I've been having some manner of fatigue about taking my meds. which i usually dont but i find myself taking them later and later in the day. Sunday, I opted to not take the steroid and with only ONE day it made me feel horribly sick. this blood disorder really is the worst. the fact that i cant go one day without it or it'll really make me sick just annoys the crap out of me. I hate it. i hate not having control on it. also when i talked to my therapist she talks about how trauma has a lot to do with your health and how it effects your body. and when I think back to all the trauma i've experienced within the last 6 years? it makes sense the way my body is just trying to kill me. because what are the odds I get a rare blood disease like really.

and I hate talking about it because I feel like such a burden. when people ask me how i'm doing and i say okay because if I tell them its day three and I still feel like shit like ppl get tired eventually. i always have to act like i'm good at home anyway because otherwise I'll hear my mom say 'oh its always something with you' like i asked for this shit.

I guess my point is, I really wanna be more active but I put all my energy into work because its such a complicated job, and if I slack off even a little its a pain in the ass to get caught back up and so its always frustrating when I have to take off and i come back to a mess despite me leaving it perfect for the person who is backing me up. they wont pay me FMLA, and I have to take off at least one day a week to make appointments for this illness. i technically work the full 80 hours but on the days i work 12s i cant take a lunch, i have to get up earlier. and its already draining for me. so by the time I get off work, I don't even wanna transition to my laptop. but I love being here and i have so much fun so i try my best. lately tho, I look at my drafts and I have so much muse but no energy at all. i promise i am working on it. I really just ask for patience. being in this fandom has been the most fun i've had on tumblr in a very long time.

my hope with this new medication I am getting, they will start to tamper me off the steroids, and my energy will start to come back as the dose goes down. my fingers are crossed honestly.

[ijustwannadisappearrr]

so , it’s been a while and for some time some thing got so much better. I have been clean for a year now, and i have to thank my ex girlfriend because she helped me so much. I don’t if i talked about her in the past but she is the love of my life. A month ago she left me when i was at my worst. She said to me that she wanted to leave for a couple month but she couldn’t. She said that she was relieved when she left me , and i spend my time thinking if everything that we passed was a lie.

I feel betrayed even if she didn’t cheat on me. I feel stupid for believing in something that wasn’t even there. I feel my heart collapsing every time i think of her. I feel stupid and angry at her for making me believe that she was loving me , that she liked me. I feel so stupid.

The fact that this past month i had so much anxiety that i thought that i was gonna die because of it. I lost so much weight and the thing that i usually enjoyed now they make me feel sick.

I cant do anything about it , i cant try to win her again because of the reason she told me . She left me with no choice. She left me alone.

She promised multiple times that she wouldn’t leave me ever, and that she wouldn’t hurt me like every one else in my life. But she did in fact hurt in much way worse than everybody else.

And i can’t tell her that. That she is making me bleed from my heart. I can’t tell her because i will lose the only connection that i have with her.

She said when she left me that i was one of the most important people in her life. Lately it doesn’t feel like that. I think she knows that she is hurting me but she doesn’t care at all.

I hate how she is continuing to live her life like always and im here crying my self to sleep.

I don’t have anyone but her. I don’t talk to anyone but her. And now i cant tell her how much i miss her, i can’t tell her anything about my day, i can’t tell her how i’m doing and my problems.

I have no one to talk to. I lost everyone. Im a failure.

All i wanna do is actually cut my self so there is a time to think about anything else. I want to stop feeling like this.

I just wanna end it. I cant take it anymore.

The fact that i’m so close to end it all makes me worry. Nobody would care if i leave. I have no one to live for. I lost everyone.

So the question is :

What i’m still doing here?

[jeonqkooks]

GIRL YOU CANT JUST DO THAT AND NOT SHARE IT- SHARE IT?! WE’LL LOVE IT. WE WANNA BE APART OF IT TOO. I BET ITS AMAZING

not the all caps 😭 it takes me out every time and it feels like we're all just affectionately screaming at each other. okay you have convinced me 🫡

The walk back to the building’s parking lot is mostly silent, and so is the ride to your apartment. You’ve never felt the first snow on your skin before, having always preferred to stay indoors on nights forecasted to experience snowfall. There’s something so wistful about witnessing the inauguration of winter yourself, how these delicate flowers of ice not only herald the ending of a season and the beginning of a new one, but also signal that another chapter of your life is about to close forever. It prompts you to mull over the last 12 months, to see if you’ve accomplished anything you set out to achieve or if you’ve wasted an entire year of your life. To share a moment like this with Jungkook makes you wonder if the universe is trying to send you a sign.

When the car stops at a red light a few blocks away from your place, you take the time to watch the snowflakes twirling outside the window. They wander in front of you, free yet aimless, like they’re asking if they could come in and seek refuge from the freezing cold. Not knowing warmth would be the thing that kills them. Adrift with the gentle wind until they land on the glass, only to die a mere second later. You break the silence.

“It’s kinda nice now,” you say, eyeing the marshmallow-looking ice that’s starting to pile up all around while you’re sheltered by the warmth of his car.

“See?” Jungkook chuckles. “Told you you only hate snow when you have to walk in it.”

“Hmm.” It’s true. You don’t want to admit it, but he did know you. Knew what drove you and what made you tick. Knew how your brain worked and how your heart moved. Knew that you loved him long before you could say it out loud.

Even when you lied that he doesn’t know you anymore, deep down you’re very well aware that he still does. 

“Can I ask you something?” you say calmly, but something must alert him that you aren’t looking to talk about the weather or some other meaningless shit. Jungkook doesn’t give you a verbal answer, nor any other indication that you can go ahead and voice your question. He just looks at you before the light turns green, like he doesn’t really want you to ask anything but he has no other choice but to let you. Like he’s scared of what you might demand from him.

It’s okay. You weren’t asking for permission anyway.

“Did I…” love you enough? Was there a single moment where you thought I didn’t love you? “Back then,” you swallow, keeping your eyes on the snowy streets that turn into ivory blurs as the car starts moving again, “did I ever make you feel like you weren’t enough?”