#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?

[solarpunkani]

"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[demonpiratehuntress]

boyfriend

Sanji x F!Reader

Summary - based on Boyfriend by Big Time Rush. Sanji keeps asking you out and you keep saying no, until you change your mind. Could work for both LA and anime Sanji.

Warnings - none, i think?

"Man, I really need a boyfriend."

You sighed as you rested your chin on the palm of your hand, one arm propped up on the table. Nami rolled her eyes and laughed at you as you gazed longingly at the couple dancing on the far side of the room.

"I didn't know you liked dancing," the orange-haired navigator teased.

"You know what I mean!" You sat up straight and groaned. "I just want someone to hug and kiss and do all that couple-y stuff with."

Nami faked gagging, and you shot her a glare.

"I'LL BE YOUR BOYFRIEND, (NAME)!" Sanji came running, almost knocking down a few chairs. His overenthusiasm attracted attention, and your face went beet-red as some people looked at you.

"No."

His jaw dropped at your reply, genuinely shocked. When Nami rejected him, he would usually dismiss it with another heart-eyed stare and say how wonderful she is even when she's rejecting him. But for some reason, rejection from you wasn't sitting well with the cook. He knew why, you didn't.

"Why not?" He pouted, taking the seat next to you. "I'd make a great boyfriend."

"That's debatable," you argued, trying to conceal how you really felt.

Truth be told, you did have a massive crush on the cook. But his gravitation towards flirting with every damn woman in sight was not attractive, and it put you off. You were upset by it, because you knew for a fact that he would not stop even if you agreed to date him. And you wanted someone who was ready to commit to you, and you alone. Someone who wouldn't look another girl's way.

This was not the first time Sanji asked you out. It was more like the...sixth? Seventh? You were honestly losing count. He asked you out more times than the Going Merry stopped at islands. He was persistent, and he wasn't showing signs of giving up.

But you still had a very different idea of the kind of boyfriend you wanted. And as much as it pained you to keep rejecting Sanji's advances, you didn't want to be hurt by him. You were afraid that if you gave him a chance, he would stop acting so nice and sweet to you and instead direct his attention more towards other women. In essence, you were scared to enter a relationship with the flirtatious love cook.

"Take a damn hint, you stupid love cook," Zoro grumbled as he also joined you ladies at the table.

Sanji glowered at him, saying something equally rude back, and the two almost clashed if not for Nami pulling their ears. You laughed, shaking your head as your eyes wandered back to the slow dancing couple, your smile falling just a little bit.

-

"(Name), do you want to go out with me now?"

"No."

You didn't even look up from your book, not noticing the crestfallen look on his face after you outright rejected him yet again. He still hadn't given up, because he was sure he could get you to date him, but you were just becoming colder and colder with each advance.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"No, I really don't."

You sighed in frustration, snapping your book shut as you glared at him, "I don't want a boyfriend who will go around drooling over every pretty woman that passes by. Is it so bad that I don't want to date you because you can't keep your attention on one woman? If you were really serious about dating me, you wouldn't give any other lady the time of day." With that, you got up and stormed off, hot angry tears running down your flushed, red cheeks.

You were angry. So angry. And frustrated. Why the hell could he not see that his playboy attitude was not attractive to you? You were hurt. Surely if he really wanted you he could set aside his desire to flirt with anything remotely feminine.

But he couldn't. And you weren't going to change your mind. So it would never work anyway...

-

"(Name)-"

"No."

He sighed, "I really want you to be my girlfriend."

"No."

He sighed again, but this time didn't press further. You peered at him over the top of your book, watching him walk away again. The crew had arrived at another island, and he had asked you to take a walk again, but you refused. You were stubborn that way. As much as it was hurting you, you knew you would feel worse if you agreed to date him and then spotted him giving some random woman the heart-eyes.

"Maybe you should give him a chance," Nami slid into the seat next to you. "I think he genuinely wants to be with you."

"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow. "What happened to the whole 'boys are stupid' thing?"

"They are," she laughed. "But it's different for you and him."

You and him.

You sighed, looking at your hands, "There's no such thing."

"Come on," she nudged you, "You won't even let yourself try it. I mean, sure, he has a very annoying habit, but if he dares do that with you then you know I'll just whack him. And raise his debt."

You laughed at that, shaking your head, "Oh I know. But still..."

"You're afraid to get hurt, I know," her voice softened, "But we're still pirates. Taking risks is part of the game."

You knew she was right. She hardly ever wasn't. But you were stubbornly resisting the idea of giving into the cook's advances, until she suddenly whacked you on the head.

"OW!"

"Go!"

"Fine! Damn, woman."

You grumbled as you got up and left the ship, heading into the small town to search for your blonde crewmate. You assumed it would be easy, since he was the only person in a suit, but it was harder than you anticipated. He just wasn't anywhere. You were about to give up when you heard your name being called.

You turned, to see Sanji running up to you eagerly. He was waving his hand in the air, clutching something you couldn't see but that he was excited to show. He panted when he finally came to a stop in front of you.

"Sanji-" You started to say.

"Wait," he cut you off gently, "Just...let me speak." He took a deep breath. "I know I tend to flirt with a lot of women and just turn into this heart-eyed idiot whenever I see one, and for that I am really, really sorry. I know it hurts you. And I know that's the reason you keep rejecting me. So," he opened up his hand to reveal two necklaces, one with your name on it and one with his. "I thought this might help. And Usopp actually kind of rigged mine, to shock me any time I think of flirting with someone else."

You were too stunned to respond as he kept rambling on about what his necklace would do to him, looking between him and the personalised chains. You didn't know what to say, or how to feel. For once, you were confused.

"Do you not like it?" He frowned, disappointment creeping up on him.

Your eyes widened and you jerked forward to take the one with his name on it, "No, no! I do, it's just..." You looked down at the elegantly-printed name hanging from the chain. "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to get shocked to death, you know."

He laughed and helped you put it on, "I won't. It's not that bad. But even so, I plan to focus all of my attention on you." He kissed your temple, but it was rushed and uncertain, like he thought you'd smack him for it.

"Let's see how long that lasts," you teased him, smiling as you leaned up to press your lips against his.

The kiss didn't last long, because suddenly he jerked away from you with wide eyes.

You sighed, "Sanji..."

"I'm sorry! I was thinking about how I'm going to break the news to Nami..."

[blingblong55]

Sweet Nothing- Rodolfo Parra (includes Philip Graves)

Based on a request:

Look, as much as I love Philip Graves, he gives off jackass bitch energy. So, he leads on the reader (who's just fuckin adorable, wife energy, protect this one for the rest of your life vibes) before leaving them after a one night stand and then they meet again years later and reader changed into a badass boss bitch dommy mommy you'd wanna tap but she's fucking hostile af. Also dating Rudy, cuz Rudy's the only man who deserves to score a pre-Graves reader. Idk, im in my "fuck me up and you're next" era

A/N: Someone said I should use the lyrics of Sweet nothing, so...here it goes

F!Reader, fluff, angst, soldier! reader

I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming

7 years ago, a few of your comrades and you had a huge victory. You all went to celebrate out by a local pub. It was fun, the drinks, the stories, laughs, the stupid songs you'd all sing, and then the stupid mistake of letting Graves take you home. You had a crush on him before, how when he smiles he would do so to the side. The way his hair was always well groomed and how his cologne never changed. You noticed his American southern accent, getting rougher when he was drunk like this. The way his hands wandering your thighs or back. So for you it was a dream to even have him offer himself to you.

If you can describe yourself from 7 years ago, you'd call her "sweet, innocent, caring, bubbly, and loving", and all that is true, well was true. The night with Philip was great, the way he assured you all night in bed that he'd take care of you. How his lips met yours, how he kissed you with so much delicateness it felt beautiful. "al'right, sweet thing, just close your eyes and rest now." Your head rested on his chest, his hand drawing small circles on your back. You felt content in his arms.

By morning, instead of waking up to him by your side, it was just you. A note and nothing else.

"That was fun, but just a one time thing:) -take care, Philip Graves"

You never knew it'd be just a one night stand with him, you'd expect more. Back then, you were only a 22 year old, still learning and understanding much of the military. You trusted him with your body that night, a innocent girl, not knowing she'd be robbed from something she held dear to her, her own young heart on a platter, eaten by the man Philip was.

By some miracle, a commander in Mexico had seen your work for Shadow company. Alejandro Vargas, a major at the time of him recruiting you and his friend, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, a captain at the time. Graves let you go, knowing that you'd ask for more and he was not wiling to give. In all honesty, after you left, he talked about his time with you, made fun of you the weeks after it had happened.

After that night with Philip and how he belittled you, even if he didn't know, you promised you'd never let that happen to you. All the men that approached you were quickly turned down. You only gave time to your job, training and to yourself. You treated men like the scum of the earth.

Belittled them if they ever spoke about you. "I'd shut it, because you are nothing more than a worthless, good for nothing piece of ass." All men at some point feared you, not making advances on you, except for one.

Rudy, although rejected by you more than 19 times, always came back. He never cared if you degraded him with your lemon filled words. He loved you for it, loved how you never spoke bad of yourself, standing tall and proud. Alejandro tried to tell him to stop pursuing you, but he is stubborn as he is cute.

With him, you were always more soft. Although at times you'd say mean things to him, you were never too mean. Because in him, you found your old self coming back. Begging to be let out, because all you wanted to do was cuddle with him, listen to his problems, kiss him, adore his very soul.

And to be honest, he worshipped the ground you walk on. He didn't care that he was a higher rank than you, no, he always said. "Yes ma'am", "No, ma'am", "Sorry ma'am", "You look beautiful/perfect, ma'am". In his eyes, you deserved all the shiniest of things this world could offer.

He loved how you would yell at rookies, but the second you saw a puppy, you'd turn all soft and would pet it for a long time. How one time he saw you baking and dancing to a melody in your head. Your puppy eyes when you would see a something adorable.

One night, there you were, ready to hop on your motorcycle when he approached. "R/N, uhm...do you mind if maybe this Sunday me and you can maybe....I dunno, go on a date?"

You see, the reason why he asked you on a Sunday and not on a Friday or Saturday was because he heard you sing a song to yourself.

"I want a Sunday kind of love, A love to last past Saturday night, And I'd like to know it's more than love at first sight, And I want a Sunday kind of love" Your voice soft like a whisper.

"Sunday...time?"

His face lit up, in a way for him, this was you agreeing, "6 am, ma'am." he happily responded. You were confused, why would he want a date on a Sunday at 6 in the goddamn morning?

"I was thinking breakfast by the lakes...maybe you'd like that," he answered as if he was listening to your thoughts, he paused and looked at you, "Or whatever time, all I want is to spend time with you."

A light red hue on your cheeks, there it was. The old you, feeling excited because for the first time in years, you were validated as more than just a 'one time thing', seen by him for you. You nod, "very well-"

"I'll pick you up?"

"I don't see why not."

You put her helmet on, going for the typical night ride. Funny enough, he was the guy who would race you any chance he got. You of course never knew, but he did. Wanted to spend time with you in whatever way he could, so, he learned from Alejandro how to ride one.

During the date, he was so nervous, he completely forgot his Spanish and English. Giggled as he tried to compose himself for you, you took his hand, "Just one work at a time, I promise to listen." the way you said it and carried it, was a different side of you, the old you.

"Eres hermosa, la mas bella." he cups your face, looks you in the eyes and smiles. You'd learn Spanish for him after months of dating, but in this moment, when you barely spoke the language, you understood the meaning. Skin melted on his hands, turning into mush, he leaned in, kissed your forehead and then looked you in the eyes.

"Thank you, for giving me this chance."

Soon after that, you went on more dates, Sunday dates. Always by the lake, eating, laughing and at times, he'd chase you into the water. Both laughing, being the sweetest of creatures.

6 years after that first date, you and him celebrated your engagement, Alejandro being asked to be the best man. While everyone had seen your cold hearted side, he saw you, the woman he'd be waiting for at the end of the isle. His favourite melody, the girl who made him soup, stayed up all night understanding the video game he was enraged by, taking classes to speak to your in-laws in their language. Wearing that sundress and although you weren't religious, attended church with his mum, grandma and him.

4 months after he had proposed to you, thats when you met 141 and Shadow Company. Graves introduced himself, once he spotted you in the room, he stopped, "-any...ways, it's a pleasure to meet y'all." He nodded to himself and walked to where you were. Alejandro ran through the plan.

"You look beautiful, sweet thing-"

You raised a finger to him, "I don't let dogs speak to me." Rudy heard it, chuckled to himself. He was happy, a part of him was always protective of you, wanted to be selfish and have you to him. So knowing you were still like this with other men made him glad. Now that he was on the good side of your actions, he didn't know if you still spoke like that to other men.

Graves was....mad...? He noticed how you changed, how you looked healthier, happier and that stupid fucking diamond ring. He did love how much your body had changed, how your curves become more prominent, your hair longer, the same body he was once all over was...sexier, appealed to his needs for sure.

And then after the meeting, he saw you hand in hand with Rudy. Your cold gaze now soft, you blushing and admiring your boyfriend. Rudy kisses your cheek which caused you to look away blushing. Although you were dating him, it was as if you were a school girl, crushing on a celebrity, gushing over him.

Rudy was always the one, that was clearly known. Graves will now forever hold his peace, as the girl that treated him with love and respect was now with another. You'd be the bride and he would never be the groom who gets to call you his.

His lost was and is clear to be Rudy's gain.

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

Tags: @anonymuslydumb

A/N: checking my inbox and I just realised I have request from back in may....sorry...I'll get to those, I promise

[finniestoncrane]

It's Easy!

Lucy Maclean x Maximus, word count: 1.4k i have never related to a characters straightforward desire to fuck more than lucy maclean, you're my hero girl, keep trying to get your hole at every given moment, even if you have to take it upon yourself to uh... teach your partner how to treat you right... based on that scene from episode 6 which is where most of the dialogue from the intro comes from!! 💛💙 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: inexperienced/experienced, guiding, instructional, premature ejaculation, handjob, goofy losers getting it on my beloved

The harsh lighting was slowly giving Maximus a headache. Lucy, however, seemed to thrive under it. She was used to it, obviously, but he still marvelled at the way she seemed to soak it up, smiling under it's cool, white glow. An infectious smile, one that made her large, brown eyes sparkle like slightly irradiated water. One that pressed into her cheeks, pushing them up and out. One that made him smile back for reasons he wasn't quite sure of.

In fact, there were a lot of things about Lucy that made him smile, and as he ran through the list in his head, he found he had started saying one out loud before he could stop himself.

"You smell good."

There it was. Out in the open. No taking it back, so instead, he kept his eyes trained on the ground, acting as nonchalant as he could.

"Oh?"

With an immediate understanding, Lucy took a relaxed breath inwards before casually proposing an activity to pass the time away during their quarantine.

"Do you wanna have sex?"

That smile again, beaming over at him. With a surprised stutter, Maximus managed to respond.

"Y-you mean use my cock?"

Widening her eyes before looking from side to side, Lucy nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah!"

"I dont know... that weird thing could happen."

Maximus' nervous laugh preceded the statement that had intrigued Lucy to no end.

"What on Earth could he be talking about...? Has something else strange happened up here since... everything?"

Lowering one eyebrow and raising the other, she probed him for an answer.

"What weird thing?"

"Well, it's just... for some guys, and not me,obviously, but, uh... for some guys, you know... when they make it move..."

He gestured to his crotch with his hands, a quick but dramatic glance down to it for emphasis so there was no mistaking what he was talking about.

"... it gets all big an hard like a big pimple and then it pops. And they say it can happen to anybody, but it's still... it's... it's gross."

A knowing smile settled on Lucy's lips, her face blushing at Maximus' misunderstanding, the endearing naiavety he was displaying.

"You know, that's actually completely normal. It happens all the time. Every time, ideally."

With a grimace of disgust, Maximus felt his body moving backwards, as if he were trying to distance himself between himself and the notion that someone would want their cock to pop like that.

"Well, either way... I'm a Knight. Of the Brotherhood. We're... we're not really supposed to-"

"Okey dokey!"

Lucy interrupted him with a shrug and a polite grin, trying to save him from the awkward rejection he was trying to stumble through. But as she began to recline on her gurney on the other side of the small room, she stopped, leaning back on her elbows to listen to Maximus' rushed mumblings.

"Uh... but! B-but I... want to. Maybe? I just... don't know how..."

"Oh! If that's the problem, don't worry. It's easy! I can show you if you want? Teach you the basics at least."

He was a Knight. Well, no he wasn't. Not technically. But as far as Lucy knew... And as a Knight, he could stand to take matters into his own hands for once.

"I... I'd like that."

"Okey dokey, then! Let's do this!"

On that positive, overly optimistic note, Lucy stood up from her gurney and sat down next to Maximus on his. Her hand shifted tentatively to the side, pinky grazing against Maximus warm skin. He didn't respond in kind, instead stiffening up and staying completely still. So Lucy was once again the one to break the tension.

"We can try just kissing first if you'd like? Start off slow, get the basics down."

"Sure."

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

"No... have you?"

Lucy paused for a moment, considering everything she had done so far in life, everything she might do, and everything that had gone on between the first bombs dropped and now. The rules were different above and below ground, and she didn't want to risk offering any information about certain cousins that might make seem strange to someone like Maximus.

Aware that she had been staring wide-eyed into space for longer than necessary, she quickly turned to him.

"Yes, a couple. No one you would know."

His eyes narrowed in response, nose wrinkling up, mouth dropping open in a confused expression as he nodded in obvious agreement. And to prevent him from asking any questions, Lucy leaned into his parted lips and placed her own on them. A tender meeting of their bodies, far beyond polite handshakes, different from the way they had been clinging to each other in weaker moments.

Responding to the beat that his heart skipped and the way his body suddenly flushed with heat, Maximus raised his hand to Lucy's cheek, pulling back quickly with an apology and breaing off their first kiss. His first kiss.

"Oh, that's ok! You're kind of supposed to let nature take its course with this kind of thing. Deep down we all know how it should go... it's in our biology!"

He shrugged, averting his eyes once more, embarrassed to admit it, but confessing anyway.

"I'm still kinda scared... of the... pop."

Ever the dutiful problem solver, Lucy stopped for a moment, humming over potential solutions before beaming bright and excited when she thought she had the perfect one.

"Oh! I can show you what it's like. I'll take charge, and then you'll see it's ok. How does that sound?"

He nodded, slow and stuttered, all of the built up excitement hidden behind the shocked expression he wore. She was so forthcoming, so helpful, and the idea of her touching him did make him feel good. Different, but good. And that feeling was only amplified as Lucy started dragging down the zip at the front of his jumpsuit and dipping her hand beneath the fabric.

Her skin was soft, her palm warm as it glided past his stomach and down to the tuft of unruly black hair above his cock. And then she was touching it. Unafraid, bold and confident in the way she let her fingers trail along the length before settling the flat of her hand against him, semi-erect already and throbbing under her.

Smiling, smug with her effect on him, Lucy could feel his cock stiffening as she wrapped her fingers around it, beginning to stroke the length. As her hand moved up and down, Maximus noticed the way his length, and his whole body in fact, twitched when she reached the bottom and again when she neared his head.

"It's... it's happening isn't it?"

"Yep! But it's ok... totally normal... completely normal... very nice..."

He shifted, not uncomfortably, but awkwardly, as he took in the compliment.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

Lucy was smiling at him, eyes glinting with something he hadn't really noticed before as she asked the question.

"It... it does..."

"Maybe we can go a bit further then? Give me your hand..."

She took his wrist, steadying his shaking limb, and placed his palm against her breast over the top of her suit. He let his fingers sink in a little, squeezing the soft mound and breathing in deep, shaking breaths. it felt comforting, but it made that coil in his stomach tighten as he felt her chest heaving against him.

"Now... if you think this my hand feels nice, imagine how good it would feel to have it inside my- oh!"

The words weren't particularly sexy, at least not in the cheerful, matter of fact way that Lucy spoke them, but it was enough to send Maximus over the edge. His cock twitched, that threatened moving, swelling, throbbing, his veins pulsing, and then the pop. His orgasm came fast and hard, cum spilling in warm, white ropes over Lucy's hand.

Immediate embarrassment came over him as he tried to clean it up, recoiling at the sticky texture of the liquid that had come from him. But as he looked into Lucy's eyes to show the sincerity of the 'sorry' that he repeated, he saw that she was still smiling. Ever cheerful. A sense of satisfaction about a job well done.

"Good, huh? Next time you'll be able to last a bit longer, I think!"

As Lucy made her way back to her own gurney to lay down, Maximus muttered to himself.

"Next... next time?"

And now he began to smirk. Self-satisfied. Relaxed. Excited for this next time.

[anxious-witch]

Okay part two on Bojan's photoshoot analysis. Part one is here, so without further ado, let's get started.

As always these are entirety subjective and my own opinion, you are free to disagree and add on your thoughts as long as you aren't being a dick about it

Starting off strong, we have Bojan, only in his underwear, smoking a cigaratte and looking into the camera.

His face is tortured, and he is smoking, implying once again, that he needs something to keep his feeling, his anxiety at bay. But you can still see his inner turmoil on his face.

His pose is more relaxed than I'd expect, though. He isn't flexing and despite being in only his underwear, his pose isn't drawing attention to his body. In that moment, he is vulnerable enough to expose it, and letting it be soft and real. Although his face makes me feel like this is due to exhaustion rather than true show of trust.

The flowers in the corner are very interesting too. Thank you to @theraggedygirl11 and @wild-joker-out-pleasures for helping me identify them as hydrangeas. I think this particular bit is very symbolic for Bojan here:

"The etymological meaning of hydrangea stems from the Greek words for water, hydros and jar, angos. It was given to the plant because of its shape resembling an ancient water pitcher. How fitting, since hydrangeas require constant moisture to stay happy, healthy and blooming.

While everyone seems to agree that hydrangea care includes a lot of watering, the symbolism of the flowers varies drastically between cultures. In Japan, the flower is associated with heartfelt emotion, understanding and apology. The Japanese emperor apparently made a lasting impression not only on his girlfriend’s family but also the rest of his empire. The hydrangea can further symbolize unity and togetherness.

Contrastingly, hydrangeas have a negative sentiment in Europe where they were used to declare arrogance and boastfulness. This association is based on the ability of the plant to produce many flowers but very few seeds. English men in the 1800s used to send hydrangeas to women who rejected them, accusing them of frigidity. Thanks to the Victorian men’s poor attitude and lack of empathy, it is believed that young women who grow hydrangeas in their front yard will never get married. In other words: if you’ve been unlucky in finding a partner, maybe you should check your grounds for hydrangeas."

And man, what a message to send! Once again, Damon plays with the duality of Bojan. Is he someone boastful, a playboy who cares about nobody, like so many people perceive him? Or is he heartfeal, and full of emotion?

Also to have a flower that needs constant water to bloom next to a man whose element in this photoshoot is fire? God, Damon, I am in your walls.

In all seriousness tho, Damon is very much not subtly implying that Bojan need to keep himself nourished on things that make him bloom, or he will burn out.

This fuether repeats here. I already analyzed these photos in a previous part, but with this quote it confirms my above statement. Don't let your anxiety and expectations of others break your heart. You are allowed to be fragile and vulnerable. You have to be, or you'll get burned.

God, these three. To start from the top one, once again we have a more rugged look from Bojan. I am not sure if he is wearing makeup, or if it's the light, but it looks like there is thick, black eyeliner framing his eyes. We also have spikes and a leather shirt. His arms are in a very boxy position, his hands behind his head and he is looking directly into the camera.

This pose actually reminds me of the pose one has to do before being arrested in the movies. Literally holding his hands behind his head. The defiant look on his face. Like he is surrendering, but it's against his will, he is still protesting this show of vulnerability. His defiant gaze seems almost taunting, almost asking if we are entertained by what we are seeing.

Also I know a lot of people said the addition of Slovenian flag feels random and goofy, but I'd say this shows how in a way, Bojan is carrying that weight of now forever representing Slovenia. They went to ESC, but Bojan never fully went back. He can't-now they are forever tied as a band that represents the country.

And that isn't a bad thing, but it's a pressure on his shoulders, a need to keep up the facade of a tough playboy everyone seems to want him to be.

Immediately followed by the picture on the bottom left. A literal scream, resembling the picture The Scream by Edvard Munch, which @reverse-strawberry-milk already pointed out. The weight of his emotions caught up to him, you can practically hear his torture scream here, the facade crumbling completely.

And then, a completely switch in the picture three. He is soft, trusting. Open. One of his eyes is even closed. He doesn't have to be fully focused on the camera. He doesn't have to play it up for the invisible crowd, he can just relax.

And at last, these last three. First two play up with the elements we previously saw, first one show duality of Bojan's soft expression with such a rugged outfit, calling back to the broken hearted belt and fragility he feels he is destined to hide behind countless layers.

Second one features a cigarette again. Fire is dangerous, but so enticing, just as cigarettes are. How far are you willing to destroy and poison yourself to be entertaining? How much are you willing to burn out, to keep reaching out fir cigarettes to calm you, before you have to take a break and find a healthier way to deal with your anxiety?

Last one, an even fuller, better version of the soft picture from part one. He is wearing soft jumper Damon borrowed him, the one he feels safe in. This is not a face of someone who had a mental breakdown just moments before like in the black and white picture, no. This is full circle. Acceptance and healing. It's in color because Damon didn't want any harsh lines here, which happen in black and white even when the face is smoothed out.

No-this one is fully for Bojan to see himself in the best way he can be. Soft and trusting. "Promise me something? I'll keep creating for you and I. But you have to also. Go create. No boundaries. Let it all out."

What a way to show all that! Let it all out. All the anger, despair, anxiety, expectations. Because there is always softness underneath all that. When you strip all of it, what is left, but you?

Anyway, I got a bit carried away there at the end, my bad, but I genuinely adore the subtle storytelling Damon does via his photos. I love that Kris has a lot more separate headshots, while Bojan has several pictures all at once. Once again, a hint towards someone showing openness vs someone being torn between two possible versions of themselves.

As always, if you have ajy additional thoughts, feel free to add them, I love hearing other peoole's opiniom on this!

[undying-love]

Hi, I'm a fan of you, your posts here and how and what you write about McLennon. I'd like to know when you became a fan of the Beatles and how did you end up here. How and when did you become a shipper/truther. I am too, sh't I'm deep in. And ofcourse it'd be interesting to know your views on this messed up ship. I especially like that you, like me, see that it wasn't one sided. I'm totally crazy about them, The Beatles, solo/post Beatle and Well, I truly love all four of them, but because I'm really a Ringo fan girl, I adore him to this day, he's so handsome still and lovely, in his very Ringo way I understand why they ll got along with him so well but that's why I haven't noticed this I think, but now I'm obsessed and I can't unsee it even if I try. I'm still quite bit shy about it so that's why I write anonymously If you don't wanna answer I understand and it's ok. I'm still a fan!

Hello there <3! Thanks for your question! I actually became a Beatles fan back in 2022. After I got into their music, I also became obsessed with their history and began researching a lot about how the band started, how they developed, and how they ended. But the thing was that I never really understood their whole breaukup thing. I always felt like there had to be more to their story than they were telling us. I saw an interview where they asked Paul about this, and he replied, "We had to find women, which we all sort of did." And I was like, What the hell is he talking about? (He also seemed a bit uneasy when answering the question). Then I read that John got married a week after Paul did, and I found that very odd. Then I watched Get Back, and their chemistry onscreen was shocking. The way they would look at each other, the inside jokes, the flirting, and the, "it's like you and me are lovers" bit all made me think that there must have been something going on between these two. Then I read some excerpts from Philip Norman's book, John Lennon: The Life, which confirmed that John was indeed attracted to Paul, although it said that Paul did not reciprocate his feelings (he was supposedly an "inmmobable heterosexual"). So I thought that maybe the problem was that John wanted to have more than a friendship with Paul and that Paul rejected him. I held this view for quite some time, until I started reading a lot about Paul. The way he talks about John—as well as the way he always brings up him out of nowhere in interviews—made me realize that it's extremely unlikely that Paul didn't also have romantic feelings for John. I recently made a compilation of insane things Paul has said about John, and there is no way someone would say all of this unless they are in love. Besides, it's been more than 40 years since John's death, and Paul admitted that he still hasn't gotten over it. If this was a mere friendship, I don't think he would have been that emotionally attached to John throughout all these years. Also, if John had been in love with Paul all along, it's very unlikely that he would have waited in 1967 to make a move.

Finally, by total chance, I became acquainted with someone who has recently been in contact with a few people who were once close to the Beatles, and they all have said that they knew there was something going on between John and Paul based on many things they had seen. And the things they said all matched up perfectly with things I have read from other sources. So that pretty much confirmed it for me. However, I still don't know for sure why John and Paul broke up, but I have my theories. It's possible that John wanted something more open and serious, and Paul, who is very conscious of their public image, didn't want that. When John said, "It's a plus that your best friend can also hold you without…" and then he didn't complete the sentence, maybe he meant that it's good that his best friend and him could hold hands without the world creating a whole drama over it. Paul was always very worried about what the public might think, so that definitely caused tensions between him and John, who was much more bold. Paul wasn't ready for that. Also, Paul wanted a normal family life, which is something John said during an interview when he was asked about the differences between him and Paul that caused their relationship to sour. He said, “Paul always wanted a family life. Linda knows this and has given it to him. The complete family life”. This is an odd answer because why would Paul wanting a "complete family life" damage their relationship? It would only make sense because, obviously, with John, he couldn't have a traditional family life. All this is speculation, but it's what I have in mind so far, based on all the information I have compiled.

I apologize that this got too long, but I wanted to to give you a thorough answer. Thanks again for your question. I'm glad you are a fan of my posts. It means a lot to me <3

[bots-and-cons]

How's it kicking Ony? I wanted to request something with a human that was previously attacked by cons but they fought back and ended up getting exposed to the cons energon and therefore their DNA. Nothing happens for a little while but slowly the human starts doing things that normally only a bot would do? Developing small habits and the sort. Like when someone is coming out from that big elevator they can tell from the EM field who it is without seeing them. Amusing example is all is calm until their head shoots up like a dog and says "Wheeljack is back!" Then Miko and Bulkhead go running without questioning it. Before he even leaves the elevator. Essentially what I want is some of the bots reactions to figuring out one way or another that the exposure has left the human with some Cybertronian DNA? Since it came from a con and wasn't newly processed energon. I know it wouldn't be a completely smooth so the new abilities may be uncomfortable sometimes. I imagine a human would be more sensitive to the fields since they weren’t born with the ability. I hope this isn't to specific; I've just seen writers not be able to write somethings cause it was too vague. For this I'd like to see Ratchet & Bulkhead if that's alright! Feel free to have some artistic liberties here🤙. I don't want the scenario to seem to unrealistic ya know what I mean?

I was kind of dreading writing this, because I honestly had zero ideas for this for the longest time. I just rambled a bit about whatever came to mind surrounding this topic, but I hope it's okay. Also as a side note, I have a much harder time rejecting someone’s request when they aren’t on anon. Which is a good thing (?) and I love seeing the same names over and over again, when the same people ask me stuff, because it makes me happy when I see people have been here for a while. Of course I see a lot of you in the my notifications, and some names or profile pics have stuck in my mind, but I appreciate you all so much 💜

~Bulkhead~

•Your new abilities have much more to do with your senses, rather than you body noticeably changing or anything

•Bulkhead was very worried when you first got exposed to energon, but there didn’t seem to be many bad effects after Ratchet’s treatment

•You of course started noticing the changes in yourself first, but you thought it was just the after effects from the energon and that they would disappear on their own

•You started being able to sense the bots in some weird way and in time you learned to differentiate the vibes you got and be able to tell them apart

•You didn’t even really notice it at first, you just started mentioning “Hey they came back” before anyone else even heard anything and you were right every time

•You’d always be waiting for Bulkhead outside your place when he came to pick you up, because you sensed him coming

•Bulk didn’t even really notice it at first, he just thought you had good timing, but when it kept happening, he started wondering why

•You also became stronger than you were before, not inhumanly so, but pretty damn close

•Bulkhead wasn’t particularly worried about the changes, since you didn’t seem too bothered by them yourself

•Sure you sometimes got a headache when you spent time with the whole team for a long time, because the energy fields/vibes got a bit too overwhelming

~Ratchet~

•Ratchet was of course very worried when you were brought back to the base for treatment after you got hit by the energon

•He did checkups for weeks after you were already feeling better, because he had a feeling you weren’t as unaffected as you seemed

•And he was right of course

•When you started getting these odd headaches after hanging out with too many of the team members at the same time, Ratchet was baffled

•He couldn’t come up with a reason for that, until you started talking about sensing these weird things before one of the team members appeared

•It never happened with the trouble trio, only with the bots, so Ratchet put it together pretty quickly after that

•There wasn’t any energon traces in you, because it had fused with your dna, so he couldn’t detect it with just a scan, he needed to look at blood samples, which June helped him with

•Smokescreen started wondering if your ability to sense the bots would also work with the cons, and he suggested you try it out

•Ratchet was of course vehemently against this, because he was not going to expose you to any more danger

•It did become a bit of an early alarming system for the team, because if you sensed an energy you didn’t recognize nearby, you knew it was a decepticon and could alert them

[fandoms-in-law]

Stories Chapter 1

Summary: Steve tells himself stories to cope with a lot of things, but he's never been allowed to share them. Things spiral after Dustin finds the notebooks he'd been writing them down in and Steve's attempt to distract Robin and Eddie from helping him past needing to hide his stories, well that spirals too, but in a better way.

Author's note: I started writing this when AO3 was under attack. I'm going to post a chapter a day cause I love it and don't want to hoard it in the notes on my phone or in emails anymore

The first chapter only really covers the first half of that summary

Warnings: panic attacks, neglectful probably abusive parents mentioned

/\/\

Steve has always told himself stories. It's a way of comforting himself and he knew even while young that this wasn't something to share, not with his parents nor with his friends given they were usually chosen by his parents before he really gained popularity at school.

Stories in the Harrington household weren't for sharing. They were for whispering into your knees until you're calm enough to show the confidence and manners expected of you.

He couldn't understand it when he realised the game Dustin was talking about was entirely based around sharing stories and making them together. Laying on a table under a knife in someone's hands would feel less vulnerable to Steve. It made the Hellfire club seem brave.

Then Eddie is there, accused of murder caused by the upside down and letting them help him while claiming to be a coward.

"Don't say that. Don't call yourself a coward when every fucking day of your life you do things I'd rather face the Russians again than do. If I'm brave then so are you, just differently." Steve had to interrupt. It was the closest he'd come yet to mentioning just how often he told stories to himself aloud and he really hoped Eddie didn't question it more. "But for now I guess the bravery of facing down actual monsters is as useful as its usually useless."

Focusing back on the situation they were in was enough to get out of saying anything more, but Steve noticed curious looks being thrown at him by Eddie even as they planned to take down Vecna. He hated realising that his comments about bravery were going to be spoken about later.

...

"Have it at my house." The words were easy to say for Steve, just a new way to look after these kids and give Eddie the space Hawkins high was refusing now. "Come on man, you want to play again and were just complaining about no one being allowed to host you, so take over my house. If I need to apologise to the rest of Hellfire for them to agree tell me where to find them." He carried on seeing the reluctance in Eddie's expression and unable to hear a rejection right then. Even letting others tell stories in his home felt scary no matter how sure he was his parents weren't going to come home now.

"If you're sure? You seem nervous over suggesting that." Eddie didn't ask anything specific so Steve just nodded.

"I'm sure. Just let me know when, cause if I'm at work you'll need a spare key." Now he'd mentioned them playing while he was out he actually hoped they would. Stories being shared without him there seemed easier to understand than completely facing the fact that stories weren't private to people from other families.

Eddie frowned more at that, as if Steve was a puzzle he couldn't figure out rather than a friend trying to help. "You'd trust us in your house alone? Seriously? Your parents aren't going to turn up and get us arrested for breaking in or something?"

The idea of it made him snort. "Will is joining right? You want to see how Hopper reacts to my parents trying to accuse his kid of trespassing? And that's ignoring the rants both he and Mrs Byers have said over my parents failure to turn up when we were both in hospital. Nah they shouldn't turn up."

...

At some point, after his first encounter with a demogorgon, telling himself stories wasn't enough and Steve wanted to give them some solidity. He might not be the best at writing or reading but the stories were just for him, nobody else would see them and it helped. It really helped to just write the stories he was telling himself down and get the heroes ending at least in these stories.

Steve kept this notebooks, his stories, all safe, buried at the back of his wardrobe behind shoe boxes where none of the friends who'd visited before had thought to snoop. He didn't think the kids or Eddie or even Robin would dig through it with all the teasing over how he dresses he got.

He wasn't expecting a call to Family Video the first time Hellfire actually happened without him being home to change that.

"Hello, this is Family Video. You're through to Steve, how can I help?"

"Hi Steve. Just, well, it isn't urgent but I thought you'd want calling before these shitheads - no, you are going back to the table and rolling with disadvantage for the rest of the day. I will extend that if you don't shut up!"

"You thought I'd like to listen to you yell at Dustin over the phone since I can't in person." he stated dryly, getting a confused glance from Robin.

"No. Dustin decided to go through your room cause Lucas forgot his notes today and he swore you'd have something Lucas would use in there." Eddie sounded as exasperated as Steve now felt. "I did tell him that if he was so concerned he should just tear some pages put of his notebook for Lucas to use but the shithead didn't listen."

"If you're calling because he found the magazines under my bed I can wait to hear his interrogation later." Steve said to just cut off any more rambling but something uncomfortable was settling in his stomach.

"And the notebooks he hasn't said where he found them?"

Steve's eyes closed and he leant back against the wall taking a deep breath to remind himself this wasn't the place to yell. “Shithead. He's getting no lifts for a week. Snoopers don't get rides. If they're still being read, can you get them all put in my room and stop anyone else reading them?"

"Got it. See you once your shift is over."

"See you." Steve collapsed as he hung up the phone, folding into the floor behind the counter just for a moment.

Robin's head appeared over the top of the counter a moment later. "They really caused enough trouble you want to melt into that floor?"

"Can't keep his nose out of anything, can he?" he groaned.

"Eddie?"

"Dustin! It's not something to share. It's just a thing for me. He had to go snooping." The rant burst out of him, even as he knew this would make Robin curious too.

She came around the counter to lean against it looking down at him. "Okay I could've told you he snoops from the moment he mentioned Russian message back at Scoops, for one and for two, as long as this isn't dangerous is it that bad for him to know whatever he found?"

"Bad for my sanity. It's not something Harrington's share. It's got to be private and the kids won't let it be." Giving voice to his thoughts seemed like it should be relieving but really it just made those methods of coping with his parents expectations and need to hide them weigh heavier on him.

"Okay, no clue what you're on about Dingus, want to try explaining or does that have to stay private too?" Robin replied after a short pause.

Steve sighed. "It's like films are shared. They're something to mention for small talk or to distract from a conversation that could be disadvantageous. Books are very rarely used like that but mostly you're meant to read in silent and say nothing about the things you've read unless someone else mentions it first who you need to believe you're an intellectual and then there's this which my parents would just ignore the few times I said something before learning it's private, unspeakable basically."

"And the kids found whatever this is?" Robin surmised. "So everything in you is panicking because you can't share it even now you know your parents fucked you up and abandoned you to make it worse."

Steve could only nod.

Robin reached for the store phone after a moments consideration. "Hey Eddie, let the kids know whatever they found isn't for them to discuss and definitely not to mention around Steve. If they want more explanation point to everyone's shit parents and how they all have things they'd rather not talk about. Me, you and Steve can try calming him down over whatever this is later without the kids around. Got it?"

"Is this your way to learn what the kids found snooping?" Steve asked, before scrambling to his feet, brushing his clothes off at the chime for the doors opening.

"It's my way of helping my best friend stop limiting himself for parents who never gave a shit for anything but appearances." She corrected, wagging a finger in his face in a teasing scold, before focusing on appearing as if there was more work to do than there actually currently was.

Chapter 2

[bi-bard]

It's Not the Walking, It's the Rising - Dick Grayson Imagine [Titans]

Title: It's Not the Walking, It's the Rising

Pairing: Dick Grayson X Reader

Based On: Nina Cried Power

Word Count: 1,979 words

Warning(s): violence, nightmares, mention of murder

Summary: When a face from (Y/n)'s past suddenly shows up in San Francisco, they immediately prepare to lose everything. However, Dick and the rest of the team refuse to let them face this alone. They learn that they are much stronger with the team behind them.

Author's Note: Hello! I would like it to be known that I am in no way attempting to trivialize the true message or intention of this song. I understand it and I hope this story can hold onto it through this medium. If anything, I want to support it, not take away from it.

WASTELAND, BABY! - HOZIER WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

-----------------------

I jumped awake, frantically pushing myself to sit up and look around the room.

Empty.

"Hey..."

I looked over at Dick as he spoke up. He sat up and moved closer to me.

"You okay," he asked.

"Y-Yeah," I nodded, running my hands over my face. "Just another nightmare."

I felt him press a kiss to my shoulder. His arm wrapped around me. I felt myself relax in response. His chin rested on my shoulder.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No," I forced a chuckle as I replied. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

Nightmares were normal for both of us. Our lines of work were not without consequence. We both had been very understanding about it all.

I didn't like talking about my nightmares. I was much happier with just ignoring it and trying to go back to bed.

I never thought that I would have to.

That was before I walked into the surveillance room of the tower. I spotted something on the screens and furrowed my eyebrows.

"What are you looking at," I asked.

"Some recent murders," he explained. "Looks like some kind of hit. There's a symbol... here."

The camera zoomed in on some branding on a man's chest.

I felt my stomach churn at the sight of it. The branding was all too familiar. I saw it when I closed my eyes. It was the last thing that I saw right before I yelled and woke up again.

"You alright?"

I looked back at Dick when he spoke up. I hummed, confused.

"You... You look like you saw a ghost," he explained. "What's going on?"

I paused. I stared at him. I knew that he wouldn't judge me, but I still wasn't sure that I could bring myself to talk about it.

"Hey," he reached over and touched my side. "You can talk to me. You know that."

I took a deep breath before stepping toward the system. I typed in the details that I could remember. I flinched as a new set of photos found its way to the screen.

He started reading over the file. "Oh."

It was my parents.

"He only branded my dad," I explained. "I always knew who it was, but I could never find him. I... I should've told you, but I couldn't."

Dick was still reading the details.

"I asked Bruce to look into it for me," I added. "He confirmed that there was no bounty on their heads or anything. He found out that this guy was obsessed with my mom. When she rejected him because she had a husband and a kid, he apparently snapped."

Dick looked back over at me. "You don't have to tell me. It's okay. I don't want to make you-"

"It's okay," I stopped him. "I... I just never thought that I'd be faced with... this again."

He slowly nodded and reached for my hand. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

He pulled my hand over and pressed a kiss to the back of it. I forced a grin as he did.

That was the moment that the team's mission became mine.

I had managed to track the man down to some abandoned warehouse somewhere. He had a whole group of men with him. He worked for someone with a lot of resources, but that was information that was so well hidden that I didn't have access to it.

I went there alone. I didn't want to drag the team into a mess that was mine. I was scared that if I did, I'd place an even bigger target on a group of people that did nothing to deserve that.

I stared down at the main room. I watched the men walking around, all surrounding my main target.

I flinched when I heard someone land next to me on the ledge.

"Dick!" I scolded through gritted teeth. I was angry but current environmental circumstances kept me from yelling at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You didn't actually plan on running off and doing this by yourself, did you," he asked.

"How did you even know where I was?"

"Tracker in the suit."

"What?"

"For safety... like when one of us runs off to face a gang by themself," he continued.

"I...I need to do this."

"Not alone," he replied. "This is important. I understand that, but there's no reason to get yourself killed."

I clenched my jaw and looked back at the table.

"We want to help you through this," he continued. "We're a team. Stronger together."

Just as he said that one of the men suddenly flew across the room and into the far wall.

I looked down as Conner walked in. He was followed by Gar and Kory.

"There goes my element of surprise," I muttered.

"He still doesn't know that you're here," Dick shrugged. "Are you going to kill him?"

"I... I don't know."

I heard something close to a sigh escape him. "I'll be there. No matter what you choose to do."

I just nodded.

My main target looked around at the group of people fighting and took off running. I stood up and took off after him. I ran along the platform for as long as I could before dropping down in front of him.

He tried to stumble backward but seemed to suddenly remember the scene behind him.

I grabbed a gadget off of my belt and threw it forward. It was a very helpful gift from the people that made my suit in the first place. I watched it tighten around the man's arms and jump up to wrap around the bar to the platform that I had been on. The man was held just above the ground.

"Who the hell are you people," he asked.

"Titans," I replied just as Dick landed near us. "Granted, I understand how you would miss that one. Going on the run can keep people from being up to date."

I saw the man's eyes go wide. "Excuse me?"

"Only went truly on the run after one kill, huh," I asked. "Because you were attached. It could've been traced to you. All your other stuff was just work, but that one was personal, yeah?"

"Oh..."

"'Oh'? What was that? Recognition?"

"You're the kid."

"The kid," I muttered before stepping forward. "I'm their kid. My mom and dad. My mom, who you got angry with when she dared to say no to you. My dad, who wasn't even supposed to be there, and you treated like he was garbage that needed to be taken out."

He glared at me.

I lifted my fist and swung it into his face. The hit came with a weight rolling off my shoulders. It would have been easy to kill him. To know that I was the one to pull him away from this world.

"And you just went back to work, huh? That simple?"

"Do you expect me to feel guilty?"

The question earned him another punch to his face. I watched as he spit some blood out. I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look me in the eye.

"I could kill you," I threatened. "If I wanted to. It would be so easy."

He chuckled. "Then do it."

I could feel Dick's eyes burning into the side of my head. He was truly curious about if I had the ability to kill another person.

That wasn't the reason I let go of the man's jaw.

I let go of the man's jaw because death would be too easy. I would be much happier watching his life fall apart. I wanted to watch karma take over. And I would do anything to help guide it to him.

I stepped away.

The man spoke up, "Call yourself a hero, don't you? Act strong and powerful and bullshit, right?"

I ignored him and turned around, ready to take off.

"You're not strong enough to kill me!"

I turned around and got as close to his face as I could. I could smell his breath and the spit from his angry yelling hit my skin. "I am not enough of a coward to kill you!"

He almost growled.

"I will watch you face your judgment. I will watch you go down for all the harm you caused. I will watch you face a prison sentence longer than the lives of 100 men, never mind yours.

"I am, always have been, and always will be stronger than you."

I stepped back again as I heard police sirens in the distance.

"They'll take it from here," Dick promised as I looked in the direction of the sound. "Trust me."

I caught the sight of something in his eyes. Some knowing look that I didn't have the heart to question at the time. I nodded and followed him out of the building. We made it back to the tower in record time.

The rest of the team was waiting in the main room. They all stood up when we made it inside.

There was a long pause as I looked at all of them.

"Hey-"

I was cut off by Gar running forward and hugging me. I let out a loud laugh and slowly hugged him back.

"Hi, Gar," I muttered.

He smiled as he stepped back.

Conner stepped forward next, mimicking Gar's actions. I chuckled, flinching a bit at his complete lack of self-awareness in regard to his strength.

"Thanks, Conner," I stepped back first, smiling at him.

"How are you feeling," Kory asked.

"Good... I don't think the adrenaline has completely worn off yet, but right now, I'm okay."

She nodded.

"I should thank you guys," I continued. "You all supported me and helped me and that means a lot. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she spoke up for the rest of them.

There was a pause between all of us.

"Well, we," she motioned between her, Gar, and Conner, "should let you have the night to rest. Good night."

"Night," I said as they all walked out. I looked over at Dick, who was still standing there. "Can we go get changed? This outfit is getting a little uncomfortable."

He laughed and nodded. He held out his hand. I intertwined our fingers and let him lead me through the halls.

We both moved in silence.

It wasn't until I was sitting on the edge of our bed that I spoke up again, "What if it wasn't enough?"

Dick stopped where he was and leaned against the dresser. "What do you mean?"

"After all of this and everything that happened tonight... what if nothing changes?"

He stepped forward before kneeling in front of me. "Then, I'll be right here."

I slowly nodded.

"The difference isn't gonna happen immediately," he continued. "But I think what happened tonight was the biggest step you could take."

His hands grabbed mine.

"You showed him that you were better than he was. That he didn't have that power over your life and your actions and your future. Now, you've just got to hold onto that power."

"Easier said than done."

"Definitely," he nodded. "But hey, that's why I'm here. To remind you of it."

I grinned a bit before leaning forward to kiss him gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," he mumbled. "Come on, it's been a long enough night."

As he stood up and walked around to his side of the bed, I slid under the covers and waited to curl into his side.

I don't know if it was the adrenaline finally wearing off or if it was just Dick's presence or if it was just my brain accepting what had happened, but that was the fastest I had fallen asleep in years.

If this was the peace that I had been trying to find for years, then I could happily live my life like this.

-----------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[a-had-matter]

People are shit, dumb as fuck, idiots, incompetent, stupid, unworthy, and generally useless in general. Now, notice I am not saying every individual. Notice I am not saying everyone. But as a fucking whole there is something wrong with the way our brains work, and no we don't need help, we need to go fucking extinct.

Literally, what good have we done for this world, or in this world? Have you seen what we've done to our kind based of something someone supposedly said, and what someone's preferences are, and what they fucking look like? To the things we don't know?

We say we want to know, but we fucking don't, cause when the truth comes to face us, we're scared cause we know it's gonna eat us alive. It will tear us limb from limb, rip out our heart and then choke us. It will choke us. And we know that, but I guess "we live and we learn."

I hate our race, I hate what we've done, I hate what we're doing, I hate humanity. And notice how I've said "we" because, yeah, I am a human too, but so are you. You're just as guilty as I am for silently laughing at that kid when they got hurt. You're just as guilty for mocking someone. No matter how old, cause you're never young enough or old enough or different enough to not do something unacceptable. In general.

Yes, there are nice parts, good parts even, of life. The trees in a forest. The moon and stars hidden by the clouds. The sun hidden by a cloud. Animal life. Plant life. That one place that seems almost otherworldly, it's so untouched by mankind. "Mankind." Ooh, don't even get me started on that one.

And yes, there are even good parts of human life. (I know right?! Can you believe it???) When a baby smiles at you, or Christmas time in a certain place at a certain time. When you feel welcomed. When you realize you have home. When it's cold, and then you walk into a warm store. Or the opposite, when it's cold in a store and you walk outside on a sunny day.

There are more, since there is more most of the time, and if you can name some, let me know. But also how ever many good things you list, list the same amount of bad things. Like if you say childhood friendships, also think childhood abuse. When you think acceptation, think rejection of someone that you thought loved you. When you think good hair day, think of one where you are treated like dirt so often, you decide you'd want to be 6 foot under.

Another thing to think about is how you'd feel about dying. I am not necessarily opposed to the idea, but opposed to the pain. As long as I don't have to do much, and it doesn't hurt, I'm fine about whatever comes next. (I do not mean you specifically the entire time. in some of my examples, I use it in the other sense. Like, a writers sense but not 2nd person. (example "they were so cold to her, you could feel it." or whatever. In 3rd person.))

I'd like to hear people's perspective on this topic. It is something I kinda think about on a regular basis.

[gear-project]

DEAR SANTA

Lots of stuff happened this year, not sure how I'll continue to deal with it, but somehow I will.

But, I owe you a big thank-you, Santa...

See, thing of it is, I finally got to talk with my family again recently, and no, I don't mean the guy I don't get along with, I mean the family I DO GET ALONG WITH.

You know how it goes...

I was also yet again reminded of my mortality... I don't know what I'm gonna do moving forward, but I also think about the people who have supported me over the years and I really want to do something nice for them if you got any ideas...

I've been feeling rather down lately, Santa... gifts to me feel like something of a matter of course in my solitary household (i.e. buying gifts for myself and nobody else)... just lots of ideas and concepts people put together to make toys and games and other things, but... I feel like I get stuck on the stuff I currently own and can't move on to newer things very easily.

Someone recently confronted me about my taste in games, and their point of view makes me out to be something of a bully when it comes to fighting games... But they're the minority and only real exception I've come across: everyone else I know is more than capable of being competitive and improving their skills...

Well, I guess there ARE some rare people who just aren't cut out to have a game controller or joystick in their hands... but, it bothers me that said people sometimes give up far too easily. I wish I could fix that self-condemning mindset others can have.

In terms of my recent tastes, I've been overly obsessed with forging weapons in Soul Calibur... I know it's weird to have a hobby over a game that rarely gets played except in small circles but... I just got the itch to craft powerful weapons for each of the game's respective fighting styles (Libra of Souls is very fun, even after several years this game has been out).

I still have my eyes on DNF Duel, The Rumble Fish 2+, and also GranBlue Fantasy Versus Rising (among many other titles). To say nothing of my gaming backlog and my PC that STILL needs to get fixed.

But, if I had to say the greatest gift you've given me, Santa... it's the gift to stay positive in a world of negative opinions and bias.

I've struggled a great deal with some people of late, others reject me outright and wish I'd disappear, and even when it comes to family members, I'm still juggling a delicate balance with some of my folks who don't even get along with themselves.

The world would be so much simpler if people just dropped their pride and got along.

Or, at least, that's my line of thinking.

Oh, so, you were thinking this would be a more positive letter, Santa?

Sorry about that... I got a lot on my mind.

I've been cleaning my Apartment, and that's a monumental task when you live by yourself.

Even though I'm busy, I'm glad there's a ton of GG fans to keep me busy though with community discussion of Lore and other topics related to Guilty Gear.

I've been keeping this tradition of writing the letters to you Santa, out of respect for the idea of whom you represent: Human Kindness.

I just want you to know I'm glad you've been supporting me all this while. And even if I'm not productive all the time, just the fact I can continue to talk about stuff I like on this blog of mine is a blessing I can never be too thankful for.

In terms of stuff I "want" for Christmas though... it's a bit complicated, since I'm still PLAYING my backlog of games... BUUUT... if I ever get around to it, I'll check out some other stuff when I get the chance.

I know a lot of people think I'm weird for only liking sword-based fighting games (i.e. GBFVSR, Samurai Shodown, Guilty Gear, BlazBlue, etc)... but the only thing I can really say is... that's just how I am: I like swords. I like weapons. I like armor. That's my schtick.

Some people only play SNK games or Capcom games or whatnot... I acknowledge that... but I just have different aesthetics.

Aside gaming though, I have to say Santa... please continue to support Comic Book, Manga, and Manhwa artists... I've been reading Berserk for a long time (even despite losing Miura) and just the fact that series is so loved by both fans and creators alike is amazing. I wish more comics got that level of support!

Though, it'd be great if someone talked to YouTube about their Advertising standards... I'm not interested in Gacha Commercials interrupting videos I watch for extended periods... but well... I'm just being nitpicky I guess. Just would be nice if they set their Ads between videos and not in the middle.

Anyways, Santa... just, for now, keep an eye on me.

I had to deal with the whole "being in a Hospital" thing this year... and that was something I am still mentally recovering over. But at least I'm mostly mended.

Next up: gotta visit a Dentist.... sigh... as if fixing my PC was easy by comparison!

Welp, that's it (I think?) I haven't even sucked up the courage to buy a PlayStation 5 yet... I doubt I will though, since I'm pretty content with my PS4 at the moment.

PC-wise... I dunno, there's a lot going on that needs fixing and I need an expert to advise me (even make a house-call, since I'm not taking this huge desktop on a bus with me to a shop).

I just hope when everyone's settled I can afford it.

But yeah... that's about it, Santa. I hope things are good on your end... gotta keep the Elves happy and all that. I bet feeding Reindeer is expensive too!

Take care... and I hope you have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(FYI I say "Christ" in Christmas... because I'm traditional, so deal with it!)

Yours Truly, Gear-Project (dot Tumblr)

P.S.: I'm still playing STRIVE despite the haters, so here's hoping next year is just as exciting for Guilty Gear!

[nightqueen1221]

Kokushibo with a reader who used to obsess to be his wife when he is a human and even risked their life but to no avail and reader and kokushibo become a demon they go to diffrent paths kokushibo feelings just crashed and few years later he and reader met and asked reader to become his wife and reader reaction is dumbfounded and offended because he just purposed just now and definetely rejected him

Btw oneshot please this one is sligthly based of manhwa I read

This was a bit hard to write, but enjoy!

*THIS CHARACTER IS A DEMON SLAYER SPOILER*

   "Kokushibo!" You called. It was a nice spring day, the Sakura were just starting to bloom again. The air had a sweet smell to it and the quite buzz of bugs was creating an atmosphere. His head slightly turning to look at you. You always followed him around. He told you many times to not follow him around because it was dangerous. Still, you followed him.

    "What do you need?" He asked. He never really cared for the fact you wanted to be his wife. He more or less ignored that fact. You've tried to put your life on the line countless times. Yet to him, it was just an inconvenience.

    "Please, just let me be your wife. I promise I'll take good care of you." You pleaded. He said nothing, and not even really taking note of the fact you just asked him that question. The question of being stuck together for the rest of your lives. It was something you were sure you wanted to spend it with him. Now, it was for his turn to answer.

    "Please?" You cried. "If it's not to much. I'd make sure you got what you needed, I'd make sure you have love and affection everyday."

    "I don't need that." He spoke calmly. "And why do you insist on following me. I don't need anyone to be right next to me and by my side constantly. Therefore, I don't need a wife."

    It was true he was a demon slayer, that job required the ability to move around quickly. You knew this because you were one. Really all you wanted was to stay with him. You felt like he really was the one for you.

    You two stared to walk into a forest that was full of thick and beautiful trees. So thick you could barely see the daylight of spring. The branches just touching the top of your head. It was quite but it was concerning with how much it was. The breeze wasn't a breeze anymore, it wasn't there.

    You both saw something move in the distance. Something big and most defiantly not a woodland animal. It was a demon. It had to have been. Kokushibo drew his sword as soon as possible, you following close at hand. You tried running to the demon first. You could prove to him you were strong and could protect him. Right?

    "Wait! That's a bad idea!" He yelled to you. You turned to look at him with a smile. "It's ok I got i-" you were close to finishing the sentence until you got hit. It wasn't fatile or a major injury, but it sure hurt like hell.

    Kokushibo, being calm and cool, he was able to easily kill the demon in a single hit. He went over to you were alright.

    "You ok?" He asked

    "Yeah, I'm fine, just a few bandages and it should heal in time." You whimpered. "Look, that really didn't look all the good for me on my part, I all ready know that. But, trust me I can take care of you and help you. I promise to be with you every step of the way. Please just say you'll be there too." You pleaded with desperation in your eyes.

    He simply looked at you, his eyes and mouth said nothing in response. He just handed you some bandages, got up and left. There was nothing you could do about it. You were to hurt to stand at this point.

    Turns out the wound was worse than what you thought. You couldn't move, you stayed there overnight. You couldn't find anything to eat or drink. You stayed there like that for days. You were on the brink of death. Yet, it felt like something saved you. Something that was healing your wound.

    That something, or someone, was you becoming what you swore to destroy.  A demon. You could now stand at this point, you walk, talk, hell you felt like you could do anything at this point.

    This feeling stayed this way, for years and years to come. In those same years, you never saw Kokushibo. In those years you realized, maybe he wasn't a good choice for a husband. Your last moments together was when you were in need and he just left you, barely even helping. You dicided if you ever saw him, you wouldn't ask to be his wife, you wouldn't even help him if he needed it.

    "Y/N." Was all you heard in a familiar voice. You turned to see. It was someone you never thought to see again. It was him. He didn't look like how he used to. He was obliviously a demon now, with six eyes and, he was even part of the Twelve Kizuki. You didn't know what to say or how to act.

    "Y/N, I'm sorry, for the way I acted and treated you. Please let me repay you in being your husband." He spoke with disappointment in his voice. But not at you, oh no, not at you at all. He was disappointed in himself.

    "This is your way of forgiving me?" You said. "This? Something you could have done so long ago. I asked you so many times, yet you say it now? It's pathetic honestly. I chased you around, telling you how much I could help, I chased you around telling you that we could be there for each other. Well, I guess we can't because you never said we could." You spat.

    "If you really care for me, than leave."

And just like the last time you two saw each other. He just looked at you. The only thing to change, was you weren't the one left hurt.

[sideprince]

Hey! Dunno if you do the asks game but I'd like to know your opinions on Severus based on 1, 2, 8, 12, 15 (if it's too much you can skip it or only do the questions that you find interesting

(btw, your blog is gold, I passed way too much time scrolling on your blog to find EVERY meta I could get my hands on)

Most of my meta posts are just me lurking on @raptured-night 's old meta posts and reblogging them, but I'm glad you had fun! You should check out their blog I think you'd love it...

1. Canon I outright reject

This is only technically HP canon because it's from Cursed Child and not the books: I refuse to believe Voldemort and Bellatrix slept together. I don't think it's in Voldemort's character to sleep with anyone, period. His core characteristic is his aversion to vulnerability; he operates in secrecy and alone and has no friends, nor as he ever had one. There isn't a single one of his Death Eaters he truly trusts. He has no understanding of love (which isn't necessary for sex) or of the value of or need to connect with another person. This is not a person who would expose any part of himself to another person, let alone a vulnerable and private one, and want to engage in something that, even if loveless, is ultimately still an intimate and vulnerable interaction. And you can't even say that it's because he wanted to secure Bellatrix's loyalty because he already had it. She was an absolute fanatic and fully devoted to him and would have continued to be so whether or not he slept with her, let alone had a child with her. And I don't buy the idea that he wanted a child either, because I don't think that would have made a difference to him in terms of trusting someone with his legacy. Not to mention that the guy whose main goal was immortality and who believed he had achieved it through his Horcruxes would not have made a backup plan in case he does die, let alone trust his child with anything purely because she's his offspring. He killed his own father, framed his uncle for it, and looked down on his mother – the idea of family being any kind reliable or worthwhile connection is not part of his world view. The whole thing makes no sense to me in the context of who Voldemort was set up to be as a character in the books but I'm also not a big fan of Cursed Child and don't personally consider it canon, so.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Snape comes from poverty in a slum of a Northern town in a very classist Britain and that informs a lot of who he is as a character. He may have the speech style and stiff demeanor to pass, but it's a form of masking and people like the Malfoys wouldn't have anything to do with him if it wasn't in their personal interest. He's not the refined, romanticized nobleman (or harlequin romance hero) some fans seem to want him to be and I don't like that interpretation because there's nothing wrong with his background or his lack of "breeding." I love that he's a genius kid who grows into a brilliant man and can hold his own against the best and worst of his society, exactly because of where he comes from. I sort of wish for him that he lived in a culture where he didn't have to suppress so much of himself.

8. Unpopular opinion about them

I think he both is and isn't ugly. What I mean is, he's not attractive by widely accepted beauty standards (with the caveat that he's described through Harry's perspective, which is biased). That being said, I don't believe in the idea of being ugly, at least not aesthetically. I don't really understand how you can separate someone's personality from their face. I've met people who I thought were ugly because they were unlikeable people (to me) but I've never met anyone who I thought was objectively unattractive. Facial expressions, personality, interests, judgments, etc., these are the things that show up on someone's face and make them attractive or unattractive. I may not be personally attracted to someone but that doesn't make them objectively unattractive. I've known people who have symmetrical faces with aesthetically pleasing features whose smiles were insincere or their eyes dead or they always looked annoyed or bored and nothing about them moved me. And then, where's that post about Miriam Margoyles talking about how she thinks of herself as beautiful? That. That's what I mean.

So I think that Snape is attractive on the page to people who find him intriguing, who see past the way his physical features are described because his personality and who he is are compelling. And at the same time, he has features a lot of people do find attractive: a prominent nose, the whole Trent Reznor long black hair/black goth clothes vibe etc. One person's "meh" is another person's "oooooh." And he's also described as greasy and pallid is a closed off, surly, antisocial guy. So it's a mixed bag in any case. But the same way I don't like the idea of him being represented as some kind of harlequin romance hero or refined nobleman, I reject the idea that to represent him in fan art as attractive he has to be chiseled with sharp cheeks and clean edges. He's messy. And he has a hooked nose. If I never see fan art of him with a straight, sharp nose I'll be happy (and people can draw what they want, I don't go around commenting on people's artwork or anything, I'm just answering an ask here).

12. Crack headcanon

Lily found out that it was Snape who told Dumbledore to hide her and her family and that he'd turned spy but didn't get a chance to thank him or rekindle their friendship before Voldemort killed her. Snape died thinking she never knew and still hated him. On a related note, I hate myself, apparently.

(Also I think it was Snape who made the potion Voldemort put in the basin in the cave to protect the locket Horcrux.)

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

Not look for a way out of being a Death Eater after the first time he participated in something that involved violence. And even then I have empathy for him because it would be traumatizing enough, let alone for someone young and raised in their own trauma. I do think, though, that trying to save Lily wasn't his sole motivation for defecting, it was his breaking point. Snape, like many others, was drawn to Voldemort for the reasons described in canon: his rhetoric about power and freedom. He didn't realize the violence and cruelty it would involve until it was too late to get out safely and there was a cowardice in his staying. Nevertheless, I can empathize with that kind of fear. That's not the same as condoning or supporting it, mind you, but in terms of the worst thing he's ever done I think it's everything he continued to be complicit or participatory in after the point where he realized what being a DE really meant.

[sol-consort]

Yes the space hamster is a Boo reference lol. At some point in 3 Shepard will tell the hamster to “go for the eyes” like how Minsc tells Boo. Also I don’t know if New Game Plus severs connection to ME1 save I never did New Game Plus. Honestly I didn’t even know it existed until you started talking about doing it for ME1. I’m still so surprised that you see Jacob as not wanting a romance because from everything I heard he comes on pretty strong to FemShep to the point that it’s one of the reasons people don’t like him. I can’t say the other reason because it’s spoiler for 3. Also I wouldn’t worry about doing the DLCs early there’s not really a reason to do them late game other than personal continuity. However there’s a Citadel DLC in Mass Effect 3 that you should do right before the last mission so you’ll get the all content out of it so ignore Anderson if he ever tells you about an apartment.

Oh don't worry, I plan on doing a lot of Anderson ignoring in the future.

And Jacob? Comes on pretty strong? I'd sooner believe Miranda abandoned Cerberus. He is definitely the least enthusiastic out of all romance options, he deliberately ignores your personal questions and answers it as a soldier. You have to call him out on it every time so you'd get a personal answer.

After one conversation, this is all you get after Horizon from him until you do his loyalty. Hell, even before Horizon, too.

"Let's not push it" ?????

No what???????????

Cut the middle sentence, and you get a perfectly nice line. "we've got a good thing, Shepard. We'll talk again later."

Fuck you mean let's not push it?

Saying how he has no time for relationships, he just wants something casual. My experience with Jacob is him failing at being playfully hard to get and instead coming off as uncomfortable and awkwardly rejecting me.

Why did I even continue his romance? Curiosity.

You initiate everything, you always make the first move, you always flirt and he only compliments you with basic words at best.

This is his answer if you ask for something more serious.

But the game does push him on you a bit strongly. You can see a video of him working out without his shirt, you can hear Kasumi talk about how hot he is. The game wants you to get with Jacob and gives you all the correct signals, Jacob himself is unsure and uninterested unless you do all the work.

In the shadowbroker base, the game even states he was deliberately put on the team just for Shepard's stability. While Miranda was chosen for her skills.

He was there for you and he wasn't even aware of it.

This is his reaction after Shepard's tells him how hard it's been having their friends act like strangers and how dying for two years made them stay the same while everyone moved on

"You know what's more important? Everything."

FUCK YOU MAN, I'M TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS HERE YOU STONE COLD BITCH.

It would've been a nice gesture, the first person to actually ask Shepard how they felt, wasn't it for the fact he only brought it up just so he gets to avoid talking about his father. He is more scummy than he appears to be, definitely fits into Cerberus and not the honourable fallen from grace hero his plot tries to make him be.

At stage three in the offical relationship, you can ask him if he wants to vent again because yk, he is your beloved and you worry about seeing him down.

This is his reaction.

"Don't invent problems"

"Even if you were right"

"How little do you get me"

*Breaks up with you immediately *

Now you must think, what the fuck did I say to get this reaction? Insult his mother? Piss on his dad's grave? Call his dick small?

This, this is all Shepard said.

I'm losing my mind someone get me the sledgehammer.

He is like a discounted batman without any of the money or angsty charm. He is this one bundle of constipated emotions and baggage and lashes at you whenever you suggest that maybe he should trust you a bit and talk about it.

You know who doesn't do that shit? Jack. No matter what she actually appreciates you letting her vent, especially with how much she associates it with weakness and hates feelings. She realises she needs to do that to move on.

Jacob is a massive hypocrite who keeps covering his ears and screaming about how you're wrong and he isn't living in the past and he will yell at you for it.

His flirting is really lame too oh my god- it's like he is trying so hard to appear cool and chill but instead it comes of as emotionally constipated. He always deflects and when you try to talk about his father he turns it on you instead.

This is all the flirting you will ever get from him.

"I'm impressed 😎 "

"Keep it up 🤓"

"You're a soldier that's why I like you🗣🔛🔝"

His loyalty mission was so clear either, obviously that person is a bad guy, he was a monster not just a bad guy so Jacob's choice never even seemed that hard.

Meanwhile, Miranda actually did step into grey morality. She kidnapped a child. You stop for a second and realise how far the lengths are that she is willing to reach. With Jacob the choice to shoot his dad was the easiest by far it was so disappointed.

Like there wasn't even an argument if "but did his dad love him?" No the fuck he did not. If his dad at least treated him kindly and wasn't scummy then it would've been a harder choice. Jacob finally has the loving father he wanted but can he turn a blindeye on the monster he is deep down just so he gets his own happy ending?

But it wasn't like that was it? His dad was a monster inside and outside. At least with Miranda you had to consider the fact she never knew poverty and is it worth it to keep her sister with a rich parents just so she never may feel hungry? Do you stay with an abusive father to keep a roof over your head or do you risk being homeless? To add more layers to it, it wasn't even her own life she was making the decision for but her sister's! He baby sister.

They feel like they should've been mirrors of each other.

Oh and if you break up with him? This is how he reacts.

"I hope you've got a good excuse for this one"

Who the fuck

WHO THE FUCK.

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???

Look, either we throw him out of an airlock or I fight him, there is no middle option.

Also alien racism! The thing Ashley got burned for, yay <3

Once a Cerberus bitch always a Cerberus bitch huh.

[acourtofthought]

There's this thing that bothers me so much and whenever I think about it just gets me mad and I haven't seen if you have discussed it on your blog, so here's my question:

Do you think Elain wants to hurt Lucien by not rejecting the bond?

Bc based on what we have right now is Elain wants nothing to do with him bc like she said, she wants a man not a male. So it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want a mate whatsoever!!

So why hasn't she just rejected it? We know it's possible even though we haven't seen it happen (I still haven't read TOG and CC so I don't know)

At first I thought bc Lucien is the first person she can blame on how things ended with Graysen and she just wants to intentionally hurt him by ignoring him. But I thought that is even cruel for someone like Elain.

But then Feyre and Rhys discussion in Feyre's bonus chapter:

"Don't forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one's hands dirty along the way." "And torn up by thorns,"

And now I can't stop thinking about Lucien being Elain's mate and he identity as a fox and fox is being symbolises as dishonest and tricky. Not necessarily means a bad thing since it's obvious and in serval occasions shows that Lucien haven't shown his full power to anyone and constantly being understatement.

Pretty much like Elain who seems to be hiding so many things about herself!! So I thought perhaps we understatemented her and she can be cruel if she wants...

(ps: want to point out that both Cassian and Nesta pitied Lucien for Elain's behaviour toward him, which means everyone in IC are assuming that Elain is doing this on purpose?)

I definitely do not think Elain is purposely hurting Lucien to be cruel.

If anything is proven in these books it's that the reason the females lash out at or withdraw from the males is because they are overwhelmed by what they're feeling towards them.

Feyre didn't know Rhys was her mate but she was drawn to him, even UTM we later find out. Yet she still first ignored him, told him she hated him, accused him of protecting Velaris while letting others suffer, insinuated that the reason he doesn't let people in is he's too much of a mess and people wouldn't like what they saw if they looked closely, said she just wanted him for fun and all but dumped him in the Illyrian camp while wounded because she was mad that he didn't tell her about their mating bond.

Nesta said she was drawn to Cassian from the first moment they met and it scared her so much that she pushed him away. She called him a brute, a bastard born nobody, she said she had little interest in setting foot in the fae lands, she said Cassian was arrogant and puffed up on his own self importance, after choosing to die with him she then turned around and chose to sleep with many males that weren't him. She admits to using her words to hurt Cassian to push him away in order to protect herself.

In comparison.....Elain ignores Lucien by not saying anything. She was ENGAGED and in love when the bond snapped into place giving her a really valid reason to not want to get to know him. And while she nearly kissed Az on Solstice they never exchanged more than lingering glances and a brush of fingers before that.

I love all the pairings but I'd say that that Elain has been the nicest towards Lucien than her sisters ever were toward Rhys and Cassian 😂. And less intimate with another male than either Feyre or Nesta (if Feyre claims to have wanted Rhys even UTM, she still chose to have sex with Tamlin after that).

Elain doesn't want a mate now......

But Feyre hated Fae in the beginning, to the point that she killed one. If she wasn't allowed to change and grow as the series progressed we would have never had an entire series or met the Illyrians.

Nesta wanted nothing to do with being fae. Then she fell in love with Cassian but still refused to call him mate. Then she ended up embracing it all.

If Elain can never want a mate because of what she said while still recovering from trauma then I guess Elain will have to return to the human lands because she also didn't want a male.

I love Lucien, he's truly my favorite character alongside Elain. And though I hate that he's going through this when all I want is for him to get his HEA, Elain is going through stuff too and I think the fandom tends to belittle her trauma and what she's dealing with in favor of what they want for Lucien.

She lost her fiance. She was turned into an entire new species and had her body violated. Her father was murdered. She had to stab someone when cruelty bothers her. And that's all been within the last 22 or so months? Less than 2 years? Yet people still tear her apart for not making a life long decision about who she wants to end up with? If it took Gwyn took two years after her trauma to even leave the library then why is anyone expecting Elain to make lifelong commitments in even less time than that? That seems grossly unfair to Elain. The girl deserves time to heal, help some elderly fae with their gardens, kiss a boy or two after her fiance broke her heart, come to terms with the death of the first man she ever loved and who loved her in return, come to terms with taking someone's life, come to terms with the loss of her family and human life (you see where I'm going with this?).

The best way I can compare it is if your real friend was in love and engaged and the guy broke up with her a month before the wedding. She was then physically assaulted by a stranger and had her father killed. Would you be wondering why she wasn't deciding to get married to someone else right away? Or would you encourage her to take things slow, date around a little bit, not jump into anything too serious? And not do any of that until she was in a better place overall?

That's the thing with Lucien, there is no "taking things slow" when you have a mating bond with someone. The pull is too strong and you know too much / feel too much too soon to have it feel casual.

Az is light, he presents as gentle and safe and she's not pulled to him so there's no bond she's fighting. To her Az could be fun, Az could be a rebound. And that's normal and healthy.

Her situation with Lucien is so much heavier than that and I don't think there should be any pressure on her to deal with the bond or Lucien until she's in a better place.

You know how they say don't make any major decisions after trauma and break ups? Don't cut your hair, don't move, that kind of thing? The same can be said for Elain. The bond is a BIG deal and if she reacted on impulse, she would have immediately broken the bond because she loved Graysen, never giving things a fair chance. I'd rather have her fully heal (Silver Flames reveals that she still has lingering trauma) before getting to know Lucien because it's the only way she'll go about it in the right way.

And yes, Rhys did mention Elain could get her hands dirty but I doubt that had anything to do with her enjoying being cruel towards Lucien and most likely had everything to do with the fact that she's capable of doing what needs to be done to help Prythian against the threats they're facing. That no one ever expects her to be able to handle anything dangerous but they're underestimating her. And that doesn't equal cruelty. In the TOG series, a healer was the key to defeating the biggest bad of them all yet she never once chose to pick up a sword and become a warrior. She chose to save lives instead of ending them but she still killed the Valg threatening their world with the light Healers use.

That doesn't mean Elain won't stand up for herself or won't argue back in her own book or won't continue to fight against the bond. SJM likes heroines who aren't afraid to speak their mind and we witness a little of that in SF when she's with Nesta. But there is a big difference between being strong (and in denial) and being cruel and I don't think Elain is enjoying hurting Lucien. I think she's simply too overwhelmed by the bond and everything that's happened to her and at this point in time she's choosing to run away from it all rather than dealing with it head on. Lucien is disappointed by it and the characters feel sad on his behalf but really, he's not truly ready either. He has no idea who his father is, where he'll end up living, where his friendship with Tamlin stands and he still hasn't let go of his guilt for feeling he failed Jesminda. Lucien has some "Lucien" things to deal with before he's ready to be with someone.

All this does is create tension between Lucien and Elain. There's nothing SJM does better than having two characters start miles apart in their book / series only to bring them together in the most beautiful way by the end of it. She announced that they were mates in book 2 and she's done a good job of creating obstacles for them but that doesn't mean she can't just as easily knock those obstacles down when it's time.