#so it's not Unusual for me to end up harboring a Lot of affection; which just results in feelings of wanting to hold and cherish my friends-

[johnwicklover1999]

genuinely upset over how bad i love one of my friends 💔 most of our interactions are sitting and infodumping to each other, and he's REALLY into guns. i love sitting and listening to him talk about guns, it is genuinely one of my favorite things to do. i don't understand what fucking any of it means, but it makes me happy because he's my friend and he's passionate about things. I'M SO PISSED OFF I'M JUST REALLY GLAD HE'S MY FRIEND. 💔

[seelestars]

WHO CONFESSES FIRST ? (sunday, aventurine)

a/n : i apologize for being super super duper inactive… motivation has been hard for me to find, but now w penacony i feel more inspired! and luckily, im on break so hopefully ill be able to write a bunch more (*≧∀≦*) my writing might not be the best rn, im still slowly trying to ease into writing so do forgive me </3

sunday

- I feel like he would be the type to confess first

- he’s a bit shy about it, but he tries his best to not let it show ! (●´ω｀●)

- he would plan out the whole thing meticulously, making sure everything is exactly how he wants it to be during his confession

- if even one thing is out of place (ex. it rains) then he completely reschedules it

- he’s unsure what gifts to get you, so he ends up getting everything that he thinks you’d like !

the weather was perfect for a stroll, or even for mundane relaxation. sunday could feel himself grow nervous as he patiently waited for you to arrive. his hands were filled with flowers, chocolates, and cute little trinkets that reminded him of you. he knew it would be quite unusual if other people spotted the head of the oak family out in a very populated area while holding a bunch of gifts, so he decided to make sure not a lot of people would be around at this hour.

soon enough, you had arrived. your eyes immediately widened as you gasped at the sight of the plethora of things he had gotten you. “sunday… is this all for me?” you state at him in awe, your eyes softening at the slight rosy tint that adorned his cheeks. if you looked closely enough, you could notice the way his wings fluttered gently at the sound of your voice.

“…yes. it’s all for you.” sunday responds, averting his gaze as he braces himself to ask the question he’d been dying to ask. “it’s because I wanted to ask you something. …will you allow me to be your boyfriend?” to really make the moment seem more sincere, he builds up the courage to meet your gaze. his heart was beating incredibly fast as he eagerly anticipated your response—which would hopefully be a yes.

“awww, of course I would!” you laugh softly as you put the gifts you’ve received to the side, tackling him into a warm embrace. “all of this was very sweet of you.” you hum, looking up at him with a gaze so loving it made him shudder and fluster. it was obvious sunday was unused to receiving such affection as he smiles awkwardly, finally able to calm down now that you’ve agreed to date him.

aventurine

- now I feel like he’d push you to confess on purpose once he is sure the feelings he harbors for you is mutual

- he plays hard to get, acting oblivious to your attempts at hinting at your affection for him

- he just can’t help but keep on playing such a game—your determination is so cute to him ! ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

- he gives you just enough hope so that you’d persist with your attempts at courting him

- despite how he makes it seem like your tries don’t have much of an impact of him, he’s thinking about it day and night

you don’t know what gave you this sudden burst of confidence, but you were starting to regret it. though, you supposed it was too late now as you were already tapping on aventurine’s shoulder to grab his attention. “h-hey, can I ask you something?” you try your best to appear self-assured as you hide the gift you had for him behind your back.

“ah? it’s rare for you to be asking me things out of nowhere.” aventurine smirks in amusement as he turns around to face you, raising his eyebrows. “it must be a very important question… one that you can’t rest peacefully without knowing the answer to~” he hums, subtly teasing you. of course, he knew the reason behind why you suddenly decided to grab his attention. he was aware of your feelings for him, after all.

“…yes, you’re right. It’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now.” you sigh, narrowing your eyes at him once you picked up on his teasing. “before I ask you… you won’t judge me or laugh at me in case you find the question foolish, right…?” aventurine didn’t even have a chance to answer that question as you have already started to talk again. “w-will you date me?!” you nervously pair your confession with the gift you had for him—a box of his favorite perfume.

there was an awkward silence between the both of you for a while. you knew it, he would never want to date you. he seemed out of your league, with many better options surrounding him. but then, to your surprise, his response was one that wasn’t rejecting you. “why not?” aventurine could feel his grin widen as he looked at the perfume, then up at you. his boldness shocked you, as it caused him to give you a quick peck on your lips. “haha! look at you! redder than any wine out there~” he teases, though it ultimately earned him a playful smack.

[clarissalance]

A sneak peck on the corner of your lips

Pairing: Xingqiu x G/N!reader, Chongyun, mention of Xiangling and Liyue trio

Warning: a peck, hugging, reader and Xingqiu are the same age 

Word count: 3943

Summary: You are going on a ghost-hunting trip with Chongyun and Xingqiu to Mingyun village.

A/N: Last time I said I’m going to write shorter fic, well, my fingers accidentally slip and tada, here it is. I feel like this Xingqiu is a little bit too shy compare to the game but I want to make him blush (or any character in general). This one takes me quite a long time to write but I hope you all enjoy it. Maybe I should write Venti next, I totally forgot his birthday until my feed was flooded with his fanart. I’m sorry Bartobas ;-;   Anyhow, please shower Xingqiu with a lot of love!! He’s the reason why I can pass abyss floor 11. 

Picture credit: Pinterest. ( I really don’t know the author of this picture. If you find the source, please comment so I can add. Thank you (❁´◡`❁) ) 

Hanging out with the Liyuen trio has always been an adventure full of thrill and excitement. Usually, there would be someone who ends up with all troubles and mischiefs the other two sets up. Chongyun is our center, holding a strike 10 times in a row, while Xiangling sometimes gets bombed by them, but it’s nothing compared to our popsicle boy. Xingqiu, you have never heard of him getting into any troubles, but he has been the famous one in the town for plotting pranks and tricks. The victim is Chongyun, and he’s somehow still very oblivious, despite many times falling into the holes.

Maybe the boy is just too naïve and trusting for his own good. 

“ Xiangling is not coming today. ”  Xingqiu announces, successful getting your attention and Chongyun’s.  “She’s busy with the restaurant, so today, there will be only three of us.” Letting out a commital sound, you return your focus back onto the unfinished charm on your hand, fingers skillfully waving through the strings. 

“ Guess we’re off to Mingyun then.” Chongyun stands up abruptly from his seat, the sound of clothes rustling together. “I got a reliable intel this time about a ghost there.” 

Glance up from the unfinished charm, you shoot a questioning look to Xingqiu, to which he sends you a wink and a charming smile. The source of ‘reliable intel’ Chongyun is telling you here definitely comes from Xingqiu. Somehow, the boy has managed to stay away from the Chongyun’s suspicion list, even after those obvious unrealistic intel disguise as pranks. You wonder how has he manage to deceive the poor exorcist this time. 

“Chongyun, there are only hilichurls in Mingyun village. No one is there.” You state the obvious. How can he fall for this so many times? The light blue hair boy turns at you and tilts his head in confusion, waiting for you to anticipate more details. He is really dense, isn’t he? 

“ So, how did you get intel about a spirit at the place if there is no one lives there?” Letting out a huff, you fold your arm, feet tapping impatiently.  

“ Someone sends me the request this morning.” He pulls out a white envelope in his pocket and hands it to you, smiling a bit enthusiastically. The envelope has no trace that indicates sender, yet the exorcist assures you it’s a reliable source. You have no idea what his standard of ‘reliable' is anymore. 

Inside the envelope is an expensive-looking card, the curving and neat writing dances on the piece. Bringing the paper closer, you can faintly make out the scent of floral perfume mingles with the fresh wooden smell of crisp paper. “By the look, this looks more like a love letter than a request of exorcism to me. You’re sure it’s not from one of the maidens?” A little further away, you can hear the sound of someone choking on breath and a muffled laugh. Chongyun then mutters something about no one would send him a love letter anyway. Oh, so he doesn’t know then. Did this boy live under a rock or something? 

This is too well-crafted for a mere prank. Did Xingqiu handwriting improve this much over the past month? Eyeing the blue boy suspiciously, you carefully watch his interaction with the young exorcist while reading the content. 

This letter is pretty legit, but you’re still very suspicious of a certain someone over there who meticulously crafts this. If you ask, will he answer truthfully or skit around the subject again? 

Putting the card back into the envelop and return them to Chongyun, you finally raise your hand in defeat. Coming with them might be a better solution, in case the exorcist condition gets out of control, you can help Xingqiu carry him back.  

“Fine, let’s see the spirit ourselves then.” You stand up, hand dusting your clothes. “ If we’re lucky enough, we might be able to see the adepti on the mountain before catching the ghost.” Shrugging, you beam brightly at the shoulder-shaking Xingqiu and the scratching-head Chongyun. You can already guess what will happen in the village after so many times witnessing Xingqiu’s prank. Is this what we called… experiences? 

---

Mingyun village is located on a mountain and surrounded by many dried up ores mines, which result in people leaving their homes and moves to the Chasm and Harbor. As your group slowly trek to the written address, you notice an unusually high activity of hilichurls. It’s common for them to move to an abandoned village but isn’t this a little too much? From broken bridge connect the Guili Plain, there are many groups clustering, wandering among themselves. Even Chongyun tries to avoid them, not jumping on their head as usual. 

Imagine fighting this many hilichurls, you don’t think your group can make it back to the harbour in one piece. Padding quietly, you walk faster toward Xingqiu, hoping to stick close to him. At least if fighting is bounded to happen, he can protect you. The young master still keeps his unfazed face, following Chongyun while eyes glued on his book. You remember he already finished reading this book?   

“ Psstt.” You whisper. “ Are you sure we’re heading the right way? That direction is crowded with monsters.” From here, they can barely see the beast but you can sense an abundant amount over there. 

“ It’s this way. It’s marked on the map.” Chongyun answers, eyestrain on a piece of paper, which results in his misstep and tripping. Behind, Xingqiu looks up and worriedly calls out to be careful. You trust Chongyun map-reading skill, but right now, you’re very concerned about his navigation. How can he navigating if he does not even look at the road? 

As the scorching sun blazing down the heat, big droplets of sweat dripping down your forehead, and your shirt starts to stick on your skin. Ah, you forgot summer has arrived. The path is sun-drenched, not a single shade can be found. The sweltering heat in this village is almost unbearable, despite the area is borderline with Dragonspine. How can not a single breeze from Dragonspine drift to this area? 

As you lazily following the group, your mind starts going into vacation mode. You imagine staying under the shade, enjoy the cool breeze and munching ice cream. The village is quite close to Yaoguang Shoal, maybe you can convince the guys to head down there after they finish their task. In this weather, dipping your feet in the cold water while enjoying popsicles are the best. Stealing some from Chongyun might not be that bad. 

Next to you, the Chongyun and Xingqiu are not affected as much as you, maybe because they carry visions? You wonder how their visions help them to cool down? 

“ Xingqiu.”  You call, hand fanning your face. The boy looks up from his book, humming, unfazed by the boiling weather. Is he not feeling hot at all? Under all of those long sleeve shirt? 

“Can we hold hand?”

As soon as the question leaves your mouth, some things don’t feel right. Did you phrase it, a little bit weird? 

The cerulean-haired boy chokes on his saliva, eyes widen in surprise, almost drop his precious rare novel. You think you definitely phrase it wrong. 

“ Are you okay?” Chongyun turns back abruptly after noticing the coughing sound, his blue eyes filled with worries.

Xingqiu shakes his head and waves his hand, motioning the exorcist to turns back to his map. After a few second of heaving, he finally returns back to normal, shooting you stinky eyes and put his book away. It’s not your fault that he chokes on his own saliva. He chokes it by himself. 

“Why would you want… to hold my hand?” Xingqiu questions, cringing at his cracking voice. 

“Don’t you feel hot under this weather?” You point your finger at the sky, bright rays hitting your face. Xingqiu nods in confusion, still not understand how your request related to this question. 

“If we hold hand, maybe you can share with me some of your coolness.” 

Xingqiu stares owlishly at you, and you elaborate more on how the pyro transfers heat through physical touch, and maybe, hydro has a similar mechanism. 

As you explain, you notice how his shoulders shaking, while his face remains perfectly calm, except for the betraying light curve on his mouth. Is he trying to contain his smile? 

Finally, Xingqiu folds in half and blurts out in laughter, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. In between his howling, the boy breathlessly explains how you misunderstand the elements and visions aren't used for this situation.   

Potato, potato, you don’t believe the mischievous vision-holder over there has never tried using his vision for different purposes other than fighting.  

Your face burns up, you’re not sure if it’s because of the burning sun, or the embarrassment caused by the hydro user over there. Pouting, you turn away from him, stomping toward Chongyun direction instead.  

Hmph, if Xingqiu isn’t going to help you to cool down, then you’d have to ask the exorcist. Somehow, you already know the man is going to hesitate because it might disturb his congenital condition. Well, you’re just going to bribe him with two or three popsicles when you are coming back to the harbour. Nothing a little money can’t fix. And maybe a lot of persuasions too.

As soon as you make your mind, you rush toward Chongyun, calling out for the cryo user. The exorcist is a distance away from you both, and he doesn’t turn back even when you call out for him. Does this mean he didn’t hear the conversation between you and Xingqiu? 

   Casually skipping toward Chongyun, you call for him again-

“Chongyun, can I... ” before, suddenly hands from behind wrap around your neck, pull you into a wall of meat. You wince at the hard collision with the chest, sensation of callous fingers on your shoulder bring your longing desired: Coolness. Surprised by the sudden touch, you shoot your eyes wide open and crane your neck behind, immediately meet with a sly amber orb. 

What is he doing?

Followed by your call, Chongyun curiously turns back and his gentle light blue eyes unwavering. He doesn’t seem to be surprised at this scene. 

Does Xingqiu always this touchy? 

The young exorcist raises his brows at you but behind, Xingqiu waves his hand dismissive, successfully driving the young boy away, even before you can form your word. 

You see the exorcist shrugs and turns his attention back on the piece of paper, heading deeper into the abandoned village, distance between the cryo users and you two starts to grow.

You gawk shockingly into his small figure starts to get smaller, mouth gapes open slightly. 

Did Chongyun just leave you behind? What kind of cold-heart friend is he? He definitely saw you are being held back by Xingqiu, right? 

Behind, you hear Xingqiu mumbles something about Chongyun being ‘unbelievable’, ‘workaholic’ and ‘careless friend’. Shouldn’t you be the one who says that?   

All of a sudden, you realize your back touching his chest, his hands wrap around you from behind. From here, you can smell the faint vanilla and a mix of woody, musk scent. 

He reminds you of old books, the feeling of immersing yourself in a dusty library. 

Blood rushing to your face, and the first thing that comes to your mind is to escape from his hold. The hydro user somehow able to read your mind, his grip tightens, holding you close. 

In an intimate position, with you both fall in silence, your senses suddenly heighten. Even separated by layers of clothes, you can still feel the heat from Xingqiu. The rapid beat of your heart thumping in your rib cage, the coolness from his palm seeping slowly into your skin. 

Somehow his touch doesn’t cool you but heating you up more, your body slowly burns up like a furnace. “ C-can you let me go ?” You stutter, squirming helplessly inside the young hydro user, avoiding his teasing gaze.  

“ You asked me to touch you, so I comply with my liege's request.” 

“ I didn't ask you to touch me.” You quip back at the shameless hydro user, body twisting weakly inside his hold, the sound of clothes rustling. How come you both learn martial arts, yet your strength is nothing compared to him?  

“ This is not holding a hand.” You point out at his long arms wrap just under your neck, sulky. “ And stop hugging me. It’s burning in here.” 

Xingqiu gives you a grin, amber orbs shoot you a questioning gaze. Well, it’s not true. His long-sleeved are rolled up, exposing the long slender arms, now is pressing on the thin layer of fabric, resonating with coolness. It feels like hydro is running under the vein of his arm. His fingers wrap on your shoulder, constantly transferring the calming sensation of flowing water. 

 “Isn’t this position more efficient than holding hand?” The hydro lazily rests his face on your shoulder, smirking devilishly. You have to admit this is much cooler than holding a hand, but this is too intimate. Flustered by his alluring gaze, you turn your head away, feet start moving toward the exorcist direction. 

“W-we sh-ould catching up with Chongyun, he’s quite far away.” Stammering like a mess, you point your finger at the general direction where the exorcist was heading, the image of a light blue boy is getting smaller, slowly mending into the heat under the scorching furnace resting on your head. A chuckle is followed, but Xingqiu doesn’t say anything else, hands still wrap loosely around you, trailing steps after you. 

You are too naïve to think that walking fast will break his hold. The young master of Feiyun Commerce Guild has proved your effort is futile. He effortlessly adjusts to your pace even when you purposefully try to quicken your step or stop abruptly. He doesn’t faze by your antic, instead, leaning close to your ear and blow hot air into your ears teasingly, knowing well how flustered you are. 

From here, you can see Chongyun still having his eyes glued on the piece of paper, still not noticing his companions drift far behind him. Indeed he is careless, maybe you two should keep a close distance to protect him. 

“ Are you getting cooler?” Xingqiu suddenly leans close, his face just a few inches away from yours. 

You hold your breath in silence, heart almost drops at his close proximation. Can he not scare you like that? “ It's getting cooler.” As much as you tempted to elbow the hydro user away, you know how hot it will be without having his arms wrap around you, so you easily give in. 

The two of you keep a decent pace while the boy wraps his hand around you, clinging like a koala. Look around, you realize this place is mostly dry trees somehow manage to root in the barren soil, broken wagons and holed baskets lying around in this place. Luckily, this area has much fewer hilichurls compares to the entrance of the village. Look like they’re also trying to find a shade in this weather. This place is closed to Dragonspine, and you still have no idea how the land doesn’t receive a single cool breeze from the frosted city.  

“Why did you pull me back earlier?” Hesitantly, you ask him. 

Xingqiu let out a confusing sound, not registering your question. Should you elaborate some more?     

  “When I was calling out to Chongyun.” You quickly add, trying to keep your voice steady and casual.  

“ Oh, that.” He hums, his arms tighten around you. Why did he even hold you closer than before? You didn’t try to pry off his hug, why all of a sudden? 

“ Because…  you were… about to ask Chongyun to h-hold your hand right?” Freeze at his words, you twist your neck, curious at the face he is making right now. It’s rare for him to sound this uncertain about something. As a second son of the Guild Manager of one of the biggest trading guild in Liyue, the young man has been trained to speak with perfection. Every word coming from this young man is carefully formulated and spoken with utmost confidence. 

 As you face him, the young man furrows his brows, amber eyes fill with hesitant and worried. Why is he acting like this? A sudden wave of guilt washing your stomach, uneasiness slowly sinks deep into your skin. 

You… are not supposed to call out for Chongyun?

 “ B-but you laugh at me when I explain about the coolness exchange?” Tilting your head in confusion, you can’t help to not follow the hydro user thoughts. He refused you first, wasn't he? It should be normal for you to find Chongyun instead. The exorcist will probably agree to anything as long as he can help. “Wouldn’t it make more sense if I go to find Chongyun instead?” 

“And holding hand with Chongyun? Archon, no!” Your skin jumps as Xingqiu raises his voice, and you have no idea what tickles him. Why fuzzing over something so trivial like this? 

“ We always hold hands. There’s nothing wrong with it.” You can’t help to shoot back. “ You also hold his hand too.” 

“N-no, our holding hand is different.” He can weakly defend, trying to rack his brain out to think of a time when they hold hands. He gives up soon afterwards. “Besides, you shouldn’t be holding hands with anyone.” 

“ For your information, this is much more scandalous than holding hand.” You meekly point out, finger poking on his arm bares smooth skin. Twist back, you lean in closer, eyes crinkle into the shape of crescent moons. “And what’s wrong with us kids holding hand?”   

  Xingqiu can’t help but let out a defeated sigh, face drops down your shoulder and sulky buries his face in the crook of your neck.  His hot breaths tickle the sensitive skin, cerulean locks brushing your cheek. Under his breath, you can barely make out his muffle word, saying something about don’t understand. 

You slowly trek toward Chongyun’s direction, humming along with familiar tunes. Sudden changes from Chongyun and Xingqiu have no longer made you felt lonely or sadden. Boys at this age are unusual. They aren’t being closed with you as before, no longer inching close to you or hugging you from behind. They are more cautious when being close with you, more mindful when your fingers accidentally graze their.  

If you ask them directly, will they answer you why they're acting like a married woman, always jumping every time you innate skinship?   

You have a feeling they probably won't answer that. 

“ /N… Y/N! ”

Abruptly, you raise your head, forehead almost hitting with Xingqiu’s. Your face is a breath away from his, so close that you can see his long lashes fluttering like a butterfly, shying away from the captivating eyes. His porcelain skin is smooth and flawless, a sudden urge tells you to caress it. A blush slowly creeping up his cheek, and finally, the hydro user shies away, staring at the road.   

Xingqiu clears his throat. “ I was talking to you. You were spacing out again?” You can only offer him a sheepish smile. 

“ S-sorry, I was thinking about something.” 

Xingqiu looks up and stares at your face intently like he is trying to make his way into your maze-like mind. You shift away from his fierce gaze, but the hydro user is faster. His fingers easily catch your face, your cheeks fit perfectly into his cool smooth palm. Xingqiu lets out an amusing chuckle, fingers squishing your cheek playfully like a stress-reliever. 

You feel like he has you wrapped around his little finger, literally. 

“I don’t know what you were thinking, but whatever it is, it’s incorrect.” Despite the mean fingers toying your cheek, his voice is awfully soft and reassuring. Is he trying to comfort you? Carefully, you gloss your eyes over to his direction, observing the mischievous feature on his face slowly melts into a soft and mellow. 

Before you can enjoy the rare gentle side of his, the amber eyes slowly gleam with playfulness, and he leans closer, only stops when your face is just a breath away. His hot breath fanning on your cheek, tickling. He is so close to you, so close that if you tilt your head, our lips will meet. 

“ A moment ago, I said that you shouldn’t let any male hold your hand right?” His voice drops low, golden orb flickers like a torch. What is he planning again?  You carefully nod. 

He isn’t going to… bite you right? 

“ You see, holding hand...” The young man chuckles slyly, the arm was wrapped around your neck makes the way down and nudges into your hand, fingers interlocking. " can easily drifting to this." You turn back fully to face him, the other hand still glazes your cheek. 

“ They can easily slip their arm around you into a hug…” Slowly, the coolness in your palm slips away and snakes around your shoulder.  “Then, they can…” Xingqiu’s grip on your cheek slowly relaxes, fingers slowly inch down on your neck. 

Take a big gulp of saliva, you can only widen your eyes, nervously follow at the tracing fingers of his. His long digits don’t stop after wandering around your neck, they slowly creep up, follow your jaw, and then cup on your cheek. The cooling sensation you craved a moment ago now feels like frost nipping on your skin. Heart thumping loudly in the rib cage, you unconsciously hold your breath, waiting for his next move.    

In the comfortable silence, his thump delicately brushes your cheek, caressing the sensitive skin. You notice his touch is loving and delicate, it makes you want to snuggle your face into his palm, enjoying this lasting moment. 

“…then what?” You open your mouth impatiently, voice light and mushy. 

A light pinkish blush quickly dusts on his cheek, you feel the man in front of you tenses up, but he remains his eye contact with you, refuses to avoid your gaze. His lips quiver but nothing coming out. Is he… hesitating?  Finally, you hear him mumbles something quietly.   

…you

“ What ?” You cock your brows and inch closer, eyes training on his plump lip. They remain still. 

Feeling an intense gaze on your head, you feel a light squeeze on your cheek so you curiously tilt your chin up, just to see Xingqiu leans down and presses a light peck at the corner of your mouth.

His plump lips brush yours like a feather, almost non-touching. It’s soft and plush, but the moment only lasts for a few second. Abruptly, the coolness on your cheek leaves hastily, follows by his sleeveless arm around your shoulder. 

As soon as you realize what just happened, the young master of Feiyun Commerce Guild has already dashed away, leaving a burning tomato behind. You shyly lower your head, face heats up profusely.  Fingers slowly draw up to your lip, you recall the feeling of his lip touching yours. 

You feel like you can combust right here and right now.   

Unknownst to you, if you look in his direction, you might have spotted a pair of red ears and his inelegant falling on his butt.   

[barnesandco]

Little Hands (II)

Series Masterlist

You, Bucky, and Anastasia pay Bruce Banner a visit. 

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo 2021. Word count: 1836. Square filled: “You don’t wanna know.”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: More Sad Child. Needles, fear of. So much overthinking.

A/N: Gosh, I’m so glad I got this chapter edited in time. I hope you like it and I’m sorry for skipping out on y’all last week! To make up for it, there’ll be two updates this weekend, so look out for the next chapter tomorrow! Lmk what you thinkkkk

The Avengers Compound is every bit as spectacular as you could have possibly hoped, and yet you’re unable to fully appreciate it because of the sheer absurdity of the situation. Your hand is in the vice-tight grip of the supposed daughter of your neighbor, who happens to be an Avenger.

Said neighbor is pacing back and forth in front of you as you sit in Bruce Banner’s laboratory, with Anastasia beside you while you wait for Bruce to arrive. Ana is remarkably calm, her young features – the round cheeks, still-wet eyes – made mature by her abnormal silence. Something about her makes you think she’s used to this kind of tension. Something about her screams war-child. Perhaps this grip she has on you is the first demand she has made in a long time, the only tantrum she has ever been allowed to throw.

While you aren’t particularly experienced with children, you think you want her to feel safe with you, because it seems she hasn’t been elsewhere. Ana’s eyes flit around the room in the only behavioral indication of her youth – a childlike curiosity, shining in the face of this fancy, new place that gleams like a toy store. Every now and then, her gaze jumps back from the alien appearance of the lab to her father (?) who seems intent on wearing a hole in the tiles with his pacing.

It is beginning to wear on you: both Bucky’s pacing and Ana’s steadily increasing anxiety. He hasn’t said a word to her since he opened the envelope, only asked that you accompany him to the Compound seeing as Ana won’t go alone with him (You would have gone with him even if that hadn’t been so. Though the nature of your relationship is ambiguous at times, the strength of your friendship is not. You’ll figure this out. You won’t leave him alone). Clearly, there is some unspoken memory that has him convinced the claim in the letter is plausible. Neither of you would be here if it wasn’t.

Bucky doesn’t talk too much about his past. He has offered a few of the shattered shards of his past reflection to you in the few night-caped moments you have hammered on his door upon hearing shouts across the hall. Between that, and what you know thanks to Black Widow’s file dump, the big Avengers’ in-fight in Europe last summer, the consequent resolution to the Accords, and Bucky’s publicized pardon, you can guess at the traumas that lurk in the depths of him.

They’re traumas that are closer to the surface of his eyes now, pulled forth by this new life, this little soul that has no business with such dark things, and the implication that this holds. Ana, innocent as she may be, is an insinuation of what else might have been unwillingly torn from Bucky.

You don’t want to think about it, because it hurts to do so, because you care for him, in many, many ways. It seems that Anastasia is also starting to tire of it. With every step Bucky takes, her hand tightens on yours. Fortunately, soon, the door to your left opens, and Bruce Banner enters his lab.

He's appropriately disheveled for this hour in the morning. Under his pristine lab coat, one of his shirt buttons is done into the wrong buttonhole, but his eyes are alert, frantic even, though you get the feeling that this is a man always on the edge of escape.

Bucky lets out a breath he seems to have been holding at the same time as his shoulders tense. “Thanks for coming so early, Doctor Banner. I wouldn’t have called if—”

“You never call, so I know it must have been important. But it looks like I’ve kept you waiting anyways,” Banner says, his eyes widening as they move from Bucky, to you, to the little girl at your side. “What’s the matter? You know I’m not a medical doctor, right?” He asks, putting a work bench between himself and his visitors.

Bucky clears his throat, and doesn’t quite know how to say what he needs to. After a few more seconds of hesitation, in which Banner waits patiently, Bucky extracts the envelope containing the fateful letter from his pocket, and hands it over.

The furrows in Doctor Banner’s brow multiply spontaneously, and when he looks up, Bucky gestures with a subtle nod of his head to Ana. He has yet to explain your presence, but you think Doctor Banner is a smart man. It won’t take more than Anastasia’s tight hold on you for him to put two and two together. Sometimes, a scared child is just that, no matter how unusual.

Most of their ensuing conversation is held at a lowered volume, set by Bucky, probably out of courtesy for Ana. You can hear snatches and phrases, most of them confirmations of things you had expected and some, not so much. Lobby security cam footage… fingerprints… paternity test… serum… blood sample…

By the end of it, some facsimile of a plan seems to have evolved between the two men, because Doctor Banner turns away with a smile and you, taking it as a welcome, stand and approach him. He rounds his desk and shakes your hand, exchange introductions though he hardly needs one, and then, he crouches, the way Bucky had, and offers Ana his hand.

“Hi, I’m Bruce.”

“Ana.”

Bucky steps forward. “Anastasia—” the name is clumsy on his tongue, because he’s scared. You can see it, and you hope he knows you are, too, but you’ll stand with him regardless, “—Bruce is going to check that you aren’t sick.”

“I’m okay.”

“We need to be sure.”

“Okay.”

Banner pulls out a chair, and you’re about to sit Ana down on it, when she pushes you gently into it, and sits on your lap. You can do nothing but wrap your arms gently around her, so she doesn’t fall. The apology in Bucky’s eyes is melted with a sympathetic smile. It’s alright. A child developing an inexplicable affection for you is not the worst thing to ever happen to you.

Ana is warm and a comfortable weight on you, and you hold her as loosely as you can, feel the movement of her chest against your arms with each breath. Her hair is a mix of wool-thick and silk-soft against your chin, smelling faintly of the sugar-sweet strawberry scent found in children’s shampoos. Someone took care of her.

Someone she isn’t asking for. What kind of child doesn’t ask for their mother, past the initial, momentary heartbreak? How has she come to terms with the apparent change in custody, when the new custodian hasn’t?

Whether Bucky is to be the new guardian has yet to be determined. You can see Bruce pulling out a syringe and preparing a vial. You wonder if she’s scared of needles. Bucky flinches at the sight of them, even now. He’s said that his disdain for the cold clinicism of medicine dates back to long before Hydra. Medical equipment reminds him of worrying that his best friend was going to die. It’s the fear he has harbored longest, longer than his fear of war, of gunshots in the dark, of blood on his hands.

Ana shares it. When she sees the needle, she screams, and Bucky lunges forward to help you hold her in place. She’s so, so much stronger than you thought and while you can hold her limbs, her head thrashes about, and so does her torso, making it impossible for Bruce to get to the inside of her elbow.

In the chaos, your eye lands on a trinket on a nearby desk, sitting there like a peace offering, literally beckoning to you. “Hey, Ana,” you whisper-yell, trying not to get hit in the jaw by her head. “Do you like animals? Cats? I have a friend who has lots and lots of cats, and I could take you to see them.” It’s working. You’re out of breath, but she’s quieting. Most little kids love cats. You love cats. “I think Bruce has a toy cat. See, over there?” You dare to lift an arm to point at the maneki-neko on the table. Ana stills. Her eyes follow the hypnotic movement, and the syringe at Ana’s elbow does its job.

When the bandage is put on, you and Bucky let go with twin nervous chuckles of relief and disbelief, and Bruce puts the vial in a machine. Ana hops off to approach the desk, and bats at the paw waving at her like a mirror of it.

“We should have the results soon. I think the others are starting to wake up, if you want to say hi,” Bruce says, taking off his glasses and wiping them on the corner of his lab coat.

“Maybe later,” you say, seeing that Bucky is hardly in any position to converse casually with his teammates right now. Not to mention, it’d be a lot of work to explain Ana, especially before having any sort of confirmation of who she is.

Bucky pulls out a chair next to you while Bruce opens a laptop a few counters away, and an x-ray machine lifts its head behind Ana, who has moved on from the lucky cat, and is stroking the leaves of a flowering plant.

“Peace lily,” Bucky says, startling you. You look at him, the bags under his eyes, the way he almost looks his age right now, and fight the urge to hold his hand. “It’s the first flower I bought for my apartment. I put it in a community garden after a nightmare about the war. Didn’t feel right for me to have it.”

He's talking about the Second World War. The war always refers to his first war. You think he’s talking about peace, and not the lily, after what he’s done. After what he was forced to do.

“It’s not your fault,” is an automatic response, and never enough, especially for the war, because at least he was in his own senses, even if he was drafted. It always elicits a self-deprecating laugh, but right now, he’s too tired for even that.

Right now, he can only watch as the x-ray camera follows Ana around the room, from the peace lilies, to an Amazon elephant’s ear, to a strange sculpture made from Coca-Cola cans glued together by what looks like spider-webs.

Too soon, Bruce calls you over to his work station. You follow Bucky, one eye on Ana.

“She’s yours,” Bruce says, and Bucky inhales sharply. Now, you do take his hand, stroke the metal ridges with your calloused thumb. “But she has disproportionately more of your DNA than her mother’s.”

“What does that mean?”

Bruce wrings his hands. “She’s not a complete clone, but nearly a genetic copy. 80% of a clone, if you will.”

Bucky is growing increasingly uncomfortable, shifting next to you. “How’s that possible?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

[kurisus]

Chapter 94-2 thoughts

Had stuff to do last night so here they are now, with a bonus of me speculating on other speculations. As always, spoilers under the cut.

I’m really glad we got that confirmation that Nora was a stillborn spirit/miscarriage/some other such thing. It’s been a fan theory foreeeeever and it does put a lot of things into perspective--why she wasn’t affected by GGS (she likely never had a name to begin with), why Yato saw no real memories when he named her, why she never thought of her and Yato murdering people as wrong, why she envies Hiyori, the list goes on. Yeah, it pretty much explains her entire character. And again, this was something that’s been guessed at for a long time, but having the verbal confirmation is nice.

So then, why does she look like a young teen instead of an infant? I think it’s because she was named with the koto no ha, which allowed her to take on a form closer to how she thought she might look, rather than her literal appearance at death. I don’t think a normal god could even name her, since if she died before being born she wouldn’t really have the will to live on that’s necessary for a shinki, right? But she became a mizuko, ayakashi got hold of her, and Father named her.

Her taking on an idealized appearance for herself is probably why she looks older now than in the Yato flashback chapters. She doesn’t look THAT much older, but I have a feeling she matched her visual appearance to his. Does that mean she could look like an adult if she wanted?

There’s also speculation that she’s trash dad’s biological child with his pockmarked gf, and said gf died while pregnant with her, which is certainly plausible. I don’t really have much of an opinion on this myself, though. If she’s someone else’s kid he could see himself as her savior and thus she’s indebted to him, whereas if she’s his own kid he harbors resentment toward her for her living on (in a way) while his gf did not.

That does raise the question of why Pockmarks didn’t become a spirit. I bet Father was looking for her spirit to name it, whether or not Nora is his daughter. But he never found it, and his hatred toward heaven only grew, so he created Yato instead.

I see a lot of people wondering about the panel of Sakura so here’s my guess. First off, glad to see her again since it’s been a while. Second, I think it’s just because they were discussing a shinki’s past, not that Hiyori is Sakura’s reincarnation or descendant or anything. Hiyori knows what happened to Sakura and the hand Nora had in that (however unintentionally), and how Nora wasn’t affected by the same curse. The panel didn’t strike me as odd while reading, so I just assumed it was because Hiyori was remembering her, and the price she paid for learning her former name.

Every month they don’t reveal Yukine’s final letter my fear grows. It’s gonna be a feelings bomb, I just know it. Whatever it was, it was something that got Nora thinking about her own unusual past.

Moving on to Father, he’s in some strong denial. This chapter was pretty similar to 92-2, in that Father gets his ass kicked by a very angry Yato. So why have a similar thing happen again so soon? I think it’s because now Yato is not only mad on Yukine’s behalf, but his own (this would also explain why Yukine didn’t say anything this chapter). Yato’s been through hell and back recently, trying his hardest to be the one to kill his dad, only for his dad to be like “haha sike tho right”

Kazuma’s slowed down, Yato’s sustained several injuries, but he’s still ready to kill. We truly see his conviction now, and him fighting with his own strength, not just Kazuma’s. Payback is sweet.

All this time, even after all this fighting, even after Yato told him he sold him out, trash dad never thought Yato was seriously out to kill him. Hence the shocked expression on the last page.

Just a couple more things I want to go over. Everyone’s (rightly, imo) assuming that Yato’s last line about “Yaboku” dying with Father as meaning his past self dying, not his present self. Yato has thought of himself as collateral damage this entire arc, but I don’t think he will die. You can all come into my inbox and clown me if I’m wrong, but nowhere in the manga’s future do I see him dying and reincarnating, or just dying. He’s been trying to avoid that his whole life, even though he’s said he’s okay with it if it means his dad goes down.

His past self dying could also be why they drew him in the same outfit he wore as a kid, even though his face was still that of an adult’s. The Yaboku that Father remembers is coming to kill him, and will then be no more.

...and everyone can live happily ever after, right? right???

So, what will happen next? Well, the sun is rising, so if Amaterasu is punctual she’ll get there right as Yato is about to behead Father. But will he be the one to do it? They’ve been building up her involvement, so it feels weird that she wouldn’t do anything against him.

Take and Ebisu still have to destroy his grave, so I think the first half of next chapter will cover their adventure. I wonder how they’ll coordinate the timing of it all, though. Do they have to destroy Father’s soul and his grave at the same time, or just roughly?

we popping the BIGGEST bottles when Father bites it next chapter

After Father dies, what I’m thinking (hoping) will happen is Ooharai will reveal how truly fucked heaven is, and Yato, Yukine, and Hiyori will be like “you know he kinda had a point” and work to fix it. But on the other hand, the mood of late does feel like it’s going to an ending, so my hope could be futile.

I just don’t want it to end anytime soon. this is my emotional trauma support manga and what am I even gonna do with my time if I’m not speculating about what little we know?

Anyway. Hoping for not the end yet, bottom line.

[spicycreativity]

Fantasy au moceit fluff, for the ask thing. <3<3

Thank you for the request! And sorry it took so long to fill 😅

I went with a Mushishi fusion. The simplest explanation of Mushishi is that mushi are creatures somewhat analogous to fae/faeries and tend to cause chaos when they interact with humans. So it's Japanese fantasy, but it's still fantasy!

I could go on a whole rant about how Mushishi is such a great reflection of Japanese cultural Shintoism and how Janus as a character rejects that and Patton embraces it, which is a fun juxtaposition because Janus is the mushi-shi in this story, but I won't 😇

Anyway! It's a little under 2k, CW for very mild body/eye horror (Patton temporarily gets afflicted with frog traits that affect his skin and eyes)

The steep mountain path was neither well-worn nor clearly-marked, the ground a uniform carpet of deep green pine needles dotted here and there with pinecones. Still, it was a path Janus could tread with his remaining eye closed. A few wooden signs still stood, though they were mostly grown over with moss. Janus let them be. Very few visitors came to this tiny mountain village, at least by this particular path. He was more interested in the chorus of frog croaks that grew ever louder the closer he got to the village. He thought, though it was hard to be certain, wispy and ephemeral as they were, that the mushi were increasing in density, too. This place had always been a hotbed for mushi, even without Janus' presence to draw them near. It was unusual, he reflected, to hear this many frogs this high in the mountains. The croaks were now a maddening constant, enough to make him wish that he only had one working ear, instead of one eye.

He guarded that wish carefully, in case any mushi with the power to make it come true were nearby. 

He made it into the village unscathed, pausing when he realized that the croaking had stopped. For the most part. He looked around, rubbing his face against the sharp, familiar bite of the mountain wind, cooled further still by the nearby presence of a lake. Now, only one plaintive croak reached his ears. He tried not to let his heart sink, tried not to jump to conclusions, though he set off for the house where his sweetheart waited for him with an uncharacteristic urgency in his movements. 

The life of a mushi-shi did not foster close relationships, and Janus had long since closed off his heart to new connections. Growing close was a one-way journey to becoming hurt, as he could never stay anywhere for long. Yet somehow, on a trip to a lonely mountain village, Patton had slipped through his defenses. They couldn’t be together, not the way they wanted, but they had promised themselves to each other. It was an easy thing for Janus to promise not to love another. The challenge had been in entrusting Patton with his heart. But he had gotten there in the end. In the absence of a proper wedding ceremony, they had simply taken a scrap of the other’s clothing as a token. 

Janus didn’t bother to knock on the door when he arrived. Patton’s door was always unlocked, unbarricaded. To Janus’ dismay, the croaking did not stop upon his arrival inside, and several mushi danced in the corners where the walls met the ceiling. “Patton, love?”

“Don’t come closer!” Patton’s voice was high, tight with panic. “Just wait a second,” he added in a pleading tone. “I’m glad you’re back, but--”

“Having trouble with mushi?” Janus guessed. The singular frog croaks had stopped when Patton spoke. “Please, do keep worrying about how I’m going to react.” he tugged on the scrap of cloth tied to the straps of his woven backpack. It was old and tattered now, no longer smelled like Patton or bore the pattern it had before.

“It’s just…” Croak.

Janus considered. Whatever mushi had latched onto Patton, it was probably affecting his appearance, hence the hesitancy. “Come on, love, let me see. I’ll have you cured in no time.” He paused and thought for a moment. “Besides, it’s not like I’m a paragon of good looks, either. Maybe we’ll match for a bit.” This was only partially true in Janus’ mind. His own looks were inoffensive, but strangers tended to shy away from him, frightened by the piercing gold and slitted pupil of his remaining eye.

It was silent for a moment. Then came the shuffle-scrape of bare feet on wooden floors. Patton appeared at the end of the hall with his head angled downward. Even still, Janus could see the patches of mottled brown skin on his hands and cheeks. Frog skin. “We do match a little,” Patton said, forcing humor into his voice. He came closer and lifted his head to reveal that one of his eyes was now golden, with a horizontal pupil.

“Oh,” said Janus, careful not to tease. “That’s not so bad.” He cupped Patton’s face, gently running his thumb over a slightly damp patch of frog skin. “You’re still beautiful, love.”

“But you can cure it?” Patton asked.

“Of course.” Janus smiled a little. He hoped it was reassuring. “You’ve been poisoned by a kaeru mushi.”

“Poisoned?” Patton yelped, and a little nervous croak escaped his throat.

Janus patted his cheek. “If only you knew a deeply intelligent, highly skilled mush-shi who could take care of that for you.”

“If only,” Patton repeated, widening his eyes at Janus. The effect was somewhat dampened by his frog eye, but only somewhat. It was still enough to send a wave of fondness through Janus’ chest.

"Come on," Janus said, taking Patton by the hand. He led Patton to the kitchen and set his backpack on the ground with a light thump. The tight weave was strong, but it was beginning to get creaky with age, and Janus made a mental note to see about getting a replacement. "You can take it as a tea, although the flavor is more savory, like a soup." He opened up his backpack and began to dig through it. The paper-wrapped vials rustled and clicked beneath his fingers, and a few specimens brought back memories of his recent trip. "Here we go." He held up the vial and showed it to Patton. "It does take a while to brew. I hope you don't mind being stuck like that for a bit."

Patton extended a hand to help Janus up and pulled him into an embrace, mindful of the glass in Janus' hand. "I already feel better now that you're here."

"You know me," Janus said, nuzzling Patton's forehead. "I live to serve."

It was meant to be sarcasm, though Patton refused to take it as such. "You're so selfless," he said into Janus' chest.

"Patton, love, you are the first and only person to ever accuse me of that." It was true. Janus' bedside manner was objectively abhorrent, his patience for stupidity and stubbornness nonexistent. Most villages regarded him as a necessary evil, rather than a presence to be celebrated. He pulled away before Patton could get it into his head that Janus needed comforting. "Let's get going on the antidote, shall we?"

Patton nodded. "There's a patch of snow out back," he said. "I've been fishing, trying to make the most of it."

"Fish soup?" Janus asked, putting the pieces together.

Patton nodded. "You'll have some, won't you?" He made a point of looking Janus up and down, and even the golden frog eye did not diminish his look of somewhat paternal concern. "You work too hard."

"Again, Patton," Janus said, turning to examine the cooking pot, "you are the only person who's ever said that about me."

"I think I would know," Patton said definitively, taking Janus by the hand to lead him outside.

They held each other while they waited for the cure to steep properly, Janus wrapping his arms around Patton and holding him close. He rested his chin on Patton's shoulder and watched the mushi dance around them. He found it hard to regard them as anything other than vermin, little nuisances who made his life worse. The world was cruel and arbitrary and mushi were no more than a reflection of that, but he couldn't help but resent the situation at hand. Patton didn't deserve this.

As though reading his thoughts, Patton nuzzled Janus' cheek. "Are they here now?"

"The mushi?"

"Mm-hm."

"Yes." Janus pointed even though he knew Patton couldn't see them.

"Describe them to me?" A principle difference between the two of them: Patton treasured every living thing. He never resented the bears that sometimes stole his fish, he never resented the deer when they ate the flowers he'd worked so hard to cultivate. He cherished them. He cherished mushi, too. Even now, when the poison coursing through his body was turning him into one (though Janus had decided not to tell Patton that, thinking that there was no sense worrying him when the cure was at hand).

"They're moving around a lot," Janus said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Though he harbored no love for mushi, he loved Patton dearly. "There's one that looks like a little octopus." Patton was not very well traveled, though he had gone to the ocean once. "And a few that look like worms. They're all glowing."

"They sound so pretty," Patton said, covering Janus' hands with his own.

"I'll bring you back some candles next time I go out," Janus promised, the idea occurring to him in one lightning strike. "And some lanterns made of colored paper. You can string them up outside."

"Oh!" Patton spun around to pull Janus into a proper hug, and Janus was careful not to stare at the frog skin now slowly-advancing down his neck. "That would be lovely."

"Lanterns are better than mushi, anyway," Janus said, his resolve finally cracking a little, "because they're actually useful."

Patton only smiled and brushed a few stray strands of hair out of Janus' face. 

It was around evening when Janus deemed the cure properly steeped. Patton made him sit down so they could eat together, smiling all the while, and Janus found any protest he might have melting away in the face of Patton's innocent kindness. It wasn't like the cure could hurt him, after all.

It took effect when they were washing the dishes with water Patton had carried in from a nearby stream. He stopped what he was doing and touched his face, already turning to Janus for confirmation.

Janus nodded, privately satisfied to see both of Patton's eyes back to their rich, deep brown. "Back to normal."

"Thank you, love." Abandoning the dishes, Patton pulled Janus in for a hug. His hands were wet, but Janus couldn't couldn't bring himself to mind the icy droplets that crawled down his neck.

Janus, who was incurably given to teasing, finally let himself off the leash. "Oh, don't thank me; it was for my own benefit. People would laugh if they found out I was in love with a frog-man."

"Oh, you don't mean that," Patton said. He had known Janus far too long, long enough that Janus no longer had to beat back the urge to flee like a startled animal in the face of such intimate knowing.

"You're right," he said, and he meant it.

[buttonso]

Teamwork: An Aura/Harvey short

AKA: Buttonso Very Unsubtly Projects FEELINGS Onto Poor Aura.

I am going to put this below a cut both for length and because the whole thing concerns fears/anxieties around pregnancy. If you like it and want to reblog it, you may, but I will not tolerate any form of judgmental commentary. I'm prepared to block people if needs be.

2,685 words. Contains a few swears. Forgive any typos ^^*

So. Ok. Well. A few weeks ago, I learned that I was pregnant. I did not think it was in the cards for me, for various reasons, so it's been a surprise, and while it's a good surprise, I have found it to be more than a little overwhelming. My husband has been amazing and has been doing a good job of keeping me off the ledge, and this whole thing is based on one of the many pep talks he's given me in the last few weeks.

This clearly would take place after Breathe With Me is over. It may or may not be considered canon, as I could end up contradicting it in the future sequel of Breathe With Me...... which may be a long time coming now that my life is changing.

Maybe this is TMI, and if I've made anyone uncomfortable, I do apologize.

*

Teamwork

Harvey whistled under his breath, a cheery tune befitting the sunny day and his sunnier disposition. No matter how busy he got at the clinic, nothing had been able to dampen his spirits for long over the past several weeks. It was a lovely spring and promised to be an even lovelier summer. His home and his wife were lovelier still… and he was going to be a father. Oh, not for a awhile- Aura was nearing the end of her first trimester, but everything seemed to be going well so far.

It seemed that having everything he wanted in life agreed with Harvey.

His last appointment of the day had cancelled on him, and he’d decided to close the clinic early and head home to surprise Aura. He’d stopped by the General Store for a few things, the plan spinning out naturally as he shopped. He would draw a bath for her so she could relax after she came in from the fields while he cooked a nice dinner. He harbored vague, hopeful notions of offering her a massage after dinner, but that would be dependent on her energy levels after- it was entirely possible she would want to go straight to sleep.

Aura, of course, stubbornly insisted on continuing to do all the work she was accustomed to doing, and despite Harvey’s misgivings, he’d yielded to the judgement of her OB, who had said she could continue to work as long as she felt up to it. Well, the doctor was right, and he himself would have said the same thing to a patient, but that didn’t stop Harvey from worrying.

He did not see Aura anywhere near the farmhouse as he stepped up onto the porch, but that was not unusual. She might be in the far fields, or the barn, or the woods… she might well even be inside, working on something in the kitchen. But she always came home at 6:30 for supper, so he would be ready when she arrived. Harvey’s cheery little whistle became a contented hum as he set the groceries down on the kitchen table, then headed towards the bedroom to change clothes, loosening his tie as he walked. The living room and kitchen was empty- even the cat was nowhere in evidence.

The hum died in his throat as he pushed open the bedroom door and he saw her. Aura was lying on the bed, fully dressed on top of the covers, curled on her side. Her back was to him, and her body was shaking with soft, hopeless little sobs. Alarm shot through him- he couldn’t help the automatic, instinctive lunge towards the bed.

“What’s wrong, darling?” He asked, as she jumped, clearly startled, nearly lurching off the bed as she turned to face him, eyes wide as she hastily wiped at her tear-streaked face. Murphy, who’d been hidden from Harvey’s view by Aura’s body, scampered off the bed in alarm, his tubby body hitting the floor with a thud on the opposite side of the bed, claws scrabbling on the floor as he scampered off.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack!!” She exclaimed, one hand pressed to her chest and the other held out towards him, her finger pointing at him in accusation. “What are you doing home so early?!”

“My last appointment was canceled, and I thought I’d surprise you. Please… tell me, what’s going on…” He fought down the panicked, instant assumption of utter disaster, but he’d never seen her like this before. “…Did… did something happen? Are you well?”

“I-I’m fine…physically, anyway.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before rubbing at her eyes and cheeks again with both hands. “I’m just… having some feelings. Dealing with feelings was never my strong suit and it’s harder than ever these days.”

“What sort of feelings?” Harvey moved cautiously towards the bed, sinking onto it beside her.

“It’s… it’s nothing,” Aura sighed, but she leaned into his touch when he reached out and put a hand on her cheek.

“It’s not nothing, you were in tears.” Anxiety made his voice tight and his tone a bit sharp. She flinched, biting her lip as she avoided his gaze. His hand slid from her cheek to her shoulder. “Sweetheart… please… tell me.” His heart raced and he felt himself trembling a little, despite his need to be brave. “Please,” He repeated, when the silence stretched between them, and he felt her shoulder beginning to tremble again.

“I-I…” she took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m scared, okay?” She blew out a frustrated breath and covered her face with her hands. “I’m… scared and I feel stupid, immature, selfish… I…I hate myself for feeling this way…”

“Why? What are you afraid of?” He slid his arm around her carefully, but she stiffened, rather than relaxing into his embrace as she always did. Dread crept up his spine, and panic made another attempt at clawing its way out.

“…I…I should be happier than I am. About the baby.” Her tone was extremely reluctant, her silver eyes downcast as she continued to avoid his gaze. She put a trembling hand on her stomach as the other hand came to rest on Harvey’s thigh. “But once the excitement of telling you wore off… every day, every week since… I’ve only gotten more and more worried.”

“Oh.” Harvey released the breath he’d been holding in a trembling sigh. “…Is… that all.” She still had a long way to go in her pregnancy… but still, that meant she’d been agonizing for several weeks in silence. It didn’t speak well for his attentiveness as a husband. “I’ve been floating around here like a happy fool, and I never noticed you were in distress…”

“You didn’t notice because I hid it from you,” She sighed. “I…I didn’t want to rain on your parade. And your excitement was definitely contagious at first, but now…”

“…Now?” He made another attempt at sliding his arm around her, and this time she did lean into him, to his relief.

“Everything… is gonna change, Harvey,” she said softly. “Everything. And I… I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge.”

Harvey ran his hand up and down her arm slowly in an attempt to soothe her. “I’m of the firm belief that there’s nothing you can’t handle, my dear.”

“But… don’t you see…” Aura paused as she seemed to try to compose herself, only to have her voice break. “I’m… I’m not good enough, Harvey.”

“Not good enough?” He echoed, biting back the automatic impulse to deny it. “Why do you think that?”

“There’s… there’s no doubt in my mind you’re going to be the best Dad ever. I mean… baby, you practically have nurturer tattooed on your forehead. But me? I’ve spent my entire adult life just doing whatever I wanted to do. I’ve learned how to be considerate of you, and to accommodate you in my life, but… a baby… I don’t… I don’t know how to be in a normal family. I just can’t see any way I’m not going to totally fuck this all up.”

“Sweetheart…” He tightened his embrace and pressed a kiss to her temple. “It’s perfectly natural to have concerns about impending parenthood… I know I’ve been all smiles since you told me you were pregnant, but I’ve been worried too… I grew up without a father, so I have no example to look back on. But we’ll learn together. We have friends with experience to draw upon, and we’ll be just fine. All three of us.”

“No, no it’s not… not just that…” Aura shook her head and gestured with one hand, as if she were shaping a lump of dough while she worked through her thoughts. “It’s not just worrying about doing a good job… even though I am… but I…” Her hand tightened into a fist, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “All this worrying I’ve been doing… I’m thinking about myself. How my freedom is going to be curtailed. How my relationship with you may be affected, may even suffer. How… how much I am not enjoying feeling the changes in my body.” Her cheeks reddened as her voice wobbled. “I hate feeling low-key sick all the time… my clothes are getting uncomfortably tight… my breasts feel too big, I’m not sleeping well... I mean, do you hear this? It’s all me, me, me, I, I, I… what kind of fucking self-centered monster am I? Instead of worrying about whether or not my baby is healthy I’m only thinking about how uncomfortable I am and how scared I am of all this change.” Her voice broke at last, and she began to sob again.

“Oh… my darling…” Harvey had never seen her in such a state, and he wasn’t quite sure how to react for a moment, but hugging her seemed like a safe bet, and he used both arms to do so, pulling her against his chest. “I wish you’d told me sooner…” He was no obstetrician, but Aura’s doctor was a friend of his, and he’d read quite a lot on the subject of pregnancy ever since they agreed to try for a baby. This felt like mere reassurance wouldn’t be enough. “You know… I meant it, earlier, when I said there’s nothing you can’t handle,” He said after a few moments of simply holding her.

“I know you think so, but…” She sniffed and he shook his head.

“No but.” He put just enough sternness into his voice that she blinked at looked questioningly at him.

“When you first came here… I was so in awe of how confident you were. You came here all by yourself and resurrected your grandfather’s dying farm. You ventured into those dreadful mines and fought monsters… and you told me once that you were not going to stop taking risks if you had a shot at something better. I remind you of all this not to dismiss your concerns… but to tell you that I have every confidence in you,” Harvey told her, doing his best to be calm. He hated seeing her this way, but he knew he needed to be the strong one now, even if that was normally her role.

“How can you not be… disgusted by what I just told you?” She asked damply, sniffing again, and wiping her face inelegantly with the back of her hand, blinking several times to clear the tears from her eyes.

Harvey fished a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. “Because you’re my favorite person in the world, and I love you so very much.” He smiled, feeling a bit shy and awkward. “I think you should talk to some of the other mothers in town… or if you aren’t comfortable with that, find a support group online. You cannot possibly be the only woman to feel this way. I of course cannot know what it feels like to be pregnant, but… it is not surprising at all that the physical changes may be disturbing. I’m no obstetrician but I have treated pregnant women before.”

“…I… thought about reaching out to Doctor Delecroix… I hadn’t talked to her in a while, but she always makes time for me if I need it…” Aura admitted, hesitantly. Aura’s therapist was a big believer in the power of the internet and was more than willing to have video chats with patients if they couldn’t make it to her office in Zuzu City, even a patient she was no longer seeing regularly, such as Aura.

“If you think it will help, then you should.” She’d stopped trembling, at least. “You’re not doing this alone,” Harvey added. “It will be a big change, it’s true… but it’s a change we’ll navigate together.”

“Just… just admitting how I’ve been feeling… It does help, a little…” Aura said slowly. “I’m still scared, but…right now, at least… I feel… I feel a little better… I…” She hesitated a moment. “I do want this baby, you know… I just… I didn’t expect to have all these mixed feelings.”

Harvey pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’re doing this together,” He repeated. He’d say it as often as he had to. “We’re not just a team, we’re a family. No matter what happens. You, me, the little one…” There was a soft thud and a little “mrrrp” as Murphy returned to the bed, making his way to Aura’s lap and purring as Harvey stroked his head. “And him,” Harvey added. “We’d never forget you,” he said with a chuckle as the cat shoved his blocky head up into Harvey’s hand.

“I was so afraid that you’d be hurt if I admitted how I’ve been feeling…that… that was the worst part…” Aura said quietly, rubbing at her cheeks again. “I’m sorry if you were…”

“I was only worried about you,” Harvey said as they took turns petting the cat, who settled into a happy loaf on Aura’s lap, reveling in the attention. “Please don’t ever suffer in silence… our little one has a lot of growing to do yet, and I’ll do whatever I can to keep her mother happy.”

“Her?” Aura chuckled. “We can’t possibly know the sex yet. Besides, I thought all men wanted sons.”

Harvey shrugged. “Whenever I imagine it… I see a girl. Someone who will grow up as strong and beautiful and brave as her mother.” He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. “Though I wouldn’t say no to eventually having an assortment.”

She snorted and tilted her head a bit so she could kiss him lightly. “How about we make sure everyone survives this one before we talk about assortments… I’m still not loving the physical side of all this. I’m afraid I may be difficult to live with the next several months…I’ll… I’ll try my best to not be a complete monster.”

“Just be honest with me about your feelings, and I’ll extend you the same courtesy.” It was Harvey’s turn to initiate a kiss, brief and tender though it was.

“I…I should get back out there…” Aura said reluctantly, swinging her legs off the bed. “Got a few things that need doing before the day’s over.”

Harvey wanted to argue, to insist that she stay in and rest, but he didn’t have the heart to try to cage her now. “Go and do whatever you need to do… just be careful, please… and I’ll have a bath and dinner waiting for you when you get back.” He caught her hand as she nudged the cat off her lap and stood up. “And as for whether or not the baby will hurt our relationship… of course I can’t see the future, but… I can’t imagine any outcome apart from loving you more.” Harvey felt his cheeks heating in the familiar old blush that she could manifest in him with little more than a smile.

“I…” Aura gave a brittle little laugh and pulled his knuckles to her lips, giving them a brief kiss. “I don’t deserve you, you know.”

“I’ve told you before that you should let me be the judge of that.” Harvey answered as she quickly wound her hair into a loose braid.

“And you’ll… you’ll tell me if you have things you’re worried about, right? Or if I do or say something to hurt you? You won’t suffer in silence either?” She asked pointedly.

“I promise,” Harvey answered as she headed towards the door. “I love you, Aura.”

She paused at the doorway and blew him a kiss with a weary chuckle. “I love you, too, Harvey. Thank you… for being you. I couldn’t ask for a better partner.”

Harvey smiled as she left the room, listening to her footsteps fade. Murphy shoved his head against Harvey’s arm, and he gave the cat a stroke. “Well, boy… life isn’t simple even when you do have everything you want,” he said to the cat. “But we’ll just have to do our best and look after each other… it’s all anyone can do, I suppose.”

[diamondsaregold]

“Unraveled” – Robin x MC

Pairing: Robin (M!) x MC (F!) The Nanny Affair, Choices

Rating: T Summary: After walking in on a private moment between Sam and MC, Robin is forced to make sense of his jealousy and comes face-to-face with an unbridled truth—his burgeoning affinity for her. A conversation between the two at the company picnic makes clear that their entangled feelings are more real than both of them could have ever imagined. A/N: Well, we saw a lot of Robin’s angry face in the last chapter—so much that I began indulging myself in the fantasy that seeing MC with Sam made him jealous. Somehow the fact that this is a “one-LI book” (fingers-crossed that this could change, although the fact that M! Robin is Bradshaw in a Wig makes this fantasy highly unlikely) only makes the idea of Robin more enticing. Please enjoy this introspective re-imagining of Chapter 10, starring a grumpy, jealous Robin coming to terms with all his feelings. Also, it’s been awhile since I posted on Tumblr, hello! I’ve missed you all. Life has been treating me well and I hope it has for you too. Sending virtual hugs your way.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25775095

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Robin knew he was being childish. 

The annual company picnic was a well-earned break for the team at Dalton Enterprises, a rare opportunity for his colleagues to enjoy the New York sunshine and decompress from their hectic work lives. At the park, flocks of employees gathered around gingham picnic blankets while chattering away; around the corner, a queue of people lined up at the stalls to pick up their complimentary lunch from the gourmet caterers, personally requested by Sam. On everyone’s face was a beaming smile.

Everyone, except for Robin.

Sitting on a blanket on the edge of the park, Robin stormily surveyed the chipper scene about him. After picking up his sandwich (some sort of fancible concoction of tuna and high-end mayonnaise) and grudgingly thanking the staff, he had stomped over to an empty picnic blanket. He did his best to swerve around employees looking to start a conversation with him and cut off any exceptionally friendly colleagues with terse one-word remarks. 

No doubt, his foul demeanor at the company picnic was drawing curious looks from his colleagues. As he unwrapped his sandwich, he caught the next group over murmuring in low voices while shooting surreptitious glances at him. He couldn’t blame them for gossiping. It was unusual for him to depart from his charming self, let alone at one of the most anticipated social events in the company. On an ordinary afternoon, he’d be walking through the park, darting in and out from different groups, trading jokes with all the employees he passed by. After a lifetime of being second-best to an over-achieving brother, Robin took care to maintain his sociable persona—it was the only thing he had going for him, after all.

But after what he had seen that afternoon, he honestly couldn’t care less about his image. It was a scene that had been burned into his mind for the past three hours. Robin stared down at his uneaten sandwich, losing his appetite as he recalled.

There they stood—just a few feet apart from each other, clothes slightly rumpled, faces flushed and breathing hard. Sam and his nanny, caught seconds away from (or perhaps seconds after) what appeared to be a secret rendezvous at work. Upon Robin’s incredulous interrogation, she had haltingly explained that they had been “discussing work.”

He couldn’t resist an eye roll. While he certainly wasn’t the genius that Sam was, Robin was no fool. He wasn’t blind to the flush on his older brother’s face, the way his body was angled towards hers even as they stood far apart and avoided Robin’s eyes. What gripped him wasn’t a smug glee that his uptight, perfect brother had finally gotten caught with a woman (his nanny, no less) at work—it was the stab of pain Robin felt.

Staring at her, with the collar of her shirt crumpled and hastily smoothed down (by who, he wondered), her lips slightly parted, Robin felt a coil in his stomach twisting and unraveling. It lasted for a second, before boiling away and leaving rage in his wake.

He had snapped at them, scolded them for their inappropriate behavior at work, before stomping off. The rest of the day Robin had spent stewing in his office, glowering at any employees who attempted to speak to him.

Now under the sunlight of a perfect New York afternoon, Robin was continuing to mope around at the picnic. He had a scowl etched into his face during all of his exchanges with her, as he made sure to throw out snide comments about the state of her relationship with his brother, much to the bewilderment of their colleagues. The flash of annoyance on his brother’s face almost made him feel better, until he saw the hurt on her face. 

Great. If his day couldn’t get any worse, now he was being a colossal asshole to her.

Why was he so angry? Robin bit into his sandwich, not tasting anything (guess those gourmet ingredients Sam loved weren’t doing their job; he gave a silent shoutout to his taste buds for tapping out). As he chewed on the tasteless lunch, he sifted through his memories.

It wasn’t like their flirting before had meant anything to him. It was just a game to both of them.

The first time he saw her at Sam’s apartment he was immediately intrigued—a bright-eyed graduate with a sharp tongue, shaking her head amusedly with a raised eyebrow as he introduced himself with his usual lilt and charm. It was a warm exasperation that sang, “I can handle you,” not a reaction Robin was used to receiving. When Sam wasn’t looking, he appreciatively took in her pin-straight, stylish attire, the gentle sway of her hips as she walked across the living room, the pucker of her lips when one of the boys said something unsavory. He found her attractive, incredibly so, but he also caught the heated glances she and Sam shot each other.

And so Robin shrugged off his crush. He wasn’t one to commit anyways, especially not to a woman he had just met. From a young age, he had lived by an unspoken rule that whoever Sam wanted was out of his bounds; any woman who liked his brother wasn’t going to like him anyways. He felt a snide joy too at the revelation that Sam, the straight-laced, faultless CEO, engaged to a woman he harbored no love for, was on the brink of jumping ship for his pretty nanny. Talk about tabloid perfection and PR disaster.

It was Robin who had continued to flirt with her for the expressed purpose of seeing that unbecoming scowl on his brother’s face every time he winked at her. They played the “Make Sam Jealous” game, a form of entertainment that Robin had enjoyed for as long as he could recall. This particular round with her, however, was far more pleasurable than any he could remember before. A breeze swept through Central Park, fanning across Robin’s steadily warming face, as he remembered that night.

At the engagement party, he had whisked her away onto the dance floor before suggesting teaming up to make him jealous. The rush when he slid his arms around her waist, hearing her tinkling laugh as he pulled her close and Sam’s distracted stumbling on stage, was more potent than any childlike glee at pissing off his brother. Robin found himself enjoying this secret plot as a treasured chance to drink in the little details of her—the smattering of freckles across her cheeks, the crinkle of her nose when Sofia began her drawling speech, the mischievous gleam in her chocolate eyes that he had learned early on was an indicator of a devious idea.

When she leaned in and whispered, “Kiss me,” Robin had frozen under the headiness of her gaze. For a split second he forgot that they were playing a game. That she, one of the most enchanting women he’d ever met, presently asking him for a kiss, wasn’t his brother’s nanny. That it wasn’t his brother, who was currently standing (glistening, like a goddamn vampire) under the headlights on the stage, that she wanted.

As Robin stared down at his sandwich, perfectly intact except for the single bite he had taken, he felt that coiling sensation return to his stomach. He shot to his feet, almost stepping on a neighboring group’s picnic blanket in his rush to get out. “Sorry,” he muttered, before hurrying off the lawn, dumping his mostly uneaten sandwich into the nearest trash can.

Weaving between the groups meandering about the food stalls, he made sure that he had jogged a safe distance away from the rest of the party, before pressing his hands into his forehead and letting out a groan.

What was he thinking? Falling for a woman that didn’t—couldn’t—want him. He couldn’t have entertained affections for any other single, available woman in the world? Robin scowled at the couple walking across the street from him, swinging their hands between them as they strolled.

Typical. He always wanted the things he couldn’t have.

The sound of a soft, familiar voice caught his attention. Robin turned around to see the woman that had been occupying his mind for the past few hours. There she was, standing several feet away from, presently ordering food from one of the stalls.

He watched as she read over the menu, scrunching her face as she read over each item. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, exposing the skin of her shoulders. She looks good in plaid, Robin mused, as his gaze trailed over her legs and her jean shorts, different from her usual formal outfits he saw her in. Usually, she looked so prim and serious; the only tell of her spunk was the flash in her eyes, which only appeared when he said something vastly inappropriate (and hilarious, so he thought). Here, in her casual attire, she seemed far more at ease. With her windswept hair and her summery top rippling gently, she looked like a vision—the perfect nanny, he thought wryly.

When she took her order—vanilla ice cream, he noted with curiosity—from the vendor, Robin shook himself out of his outfit-induced stupor. Vaguely, he considered that it might be a good idea for him to stay away from her, but when did he listen to good ideas? Raking his fingers through his hair quickly to smooth it down, he stuffed his hands into his jeans and strolled up to her.

 “You’re a hard woman to catch alone, you know?” He kept his voice as smooth as possible, trying for an air of friendly detachment.

When she whipped around, he caught the wariness in her face, for a second, before it dissolved. Ah. He supposed he couldn’t blame her, after the temper tantrum he had been throwing for the entire afternoon.

Her voice was careful, measured. “I wasn’t aware you had been trying.” Her eyes darted away, as if she wanted to escape his prying gaze—or, as if she were searching for someone else.

The thought stoked a lance of rage within Robin; he felt as if he were walking in on her in the lab again, clothes disheveled, only feet away from his brother. Crossing his arms, he stepped forward and met her gaze head-on.

"After what I saw at the lab, talking to you is all I've been able to think about." His words spilled out in an agitated rush, as he struggled to hold back the question burning in his stomach.

“What the hell is going on between you and Sam?”

Her forehead creased, but she didn’t look away. Robin noted that her eyes glowed hazel under the sunlight. “You want the truth?” Her voice was level and low, just as business-like as how she composed herself whenever Sofia was terrorizing the house or the twins were bickering again. "I admit I find him attractive. But that doesn't mean I can't respect boundaries." 

She was too calm. Far too calm. Robin swallowed the wave of bitterness, edged with a smoldering anger, rising in his throat. "It didn't look like there were any boundaries when I walked in on you two in the lab,” he bit back, ignoring the flush of heat spreading across his cheeks. “Care to enlighten on what precisely happened before I entered the room?”

At his snide remark, her face morphed into a scowl; she crossed her arms defensively (good, he preferred anger to the hurt on her face). Two could play this game, he supposed. “That is none of your business,” she retorted, as her cheeks flushed to mirror his own.

Unbelievable. “You made it my business when I saw you with Sam, alone, in the lab!”

“You know what they say about assuming, Robin.” 

God, even when she was angry, he loved hearing his name fall out of her mouth.

Robin stepped back, letting his hands fall to his sides. “Look.” He mulled over his churning thoughts and rubbed a hand over his forehead, exhaling heavily. “Sam is a great guy. Maybe, in another life, you two could’ve been great together.” He forced the admission out, despite the ache that accompanied it. “But in this life, he has a family and fiancee that he’s responsible to. Whatever is going on between you two needs to end.”

Her gaze drifted to the floor as his words reached her. “The last thing I want to see is you getting hurt,” he continued on, feeling a hitch in his voice as he attempted to steer away from the less gilded version of the truth. “I was onboard for making him mad when I thought he didn't want me sleeping with his nanny. I didn't know I was making him legitimately jealous.”

He swallowed, before continuing on. “I thought it was just some innocent flirtation between you two. But it’s not, is it?”

It was the realization—that there was a deeper connection between her and Sam, a bond that he was not privy to—that twisted the knife further into his side. Judging from her inability to meet his eyes and the slow hunch of her shoulders, he guessed that it was hitting her too.

This wasn’t a fantasy. It was real.

Robin’s words, for once, were all dried up. There was nothing he could summon up to dissolve the tension that had formed between them, an impenetrable barrier of “what-ifs.”

What if she weren’t his brother’s nanny? What if they had met first? The knowledge that Sam probably mulled over these possibilities before as well, that they were both pining after a woman that they couldn’t have, only left a bitter taste in his mouth.

At the lull in the conversation, her head hung down. They were silent for a few moments, before she spoke quietly. There was an edge of desperation to her voice he had never heard before. “I don't know what to do.”

“I’d make a suggestion, but I know you wouldn’t listen.” It wasn’t a snide remark—he meant it. Robin had seen enough of her fierce resolve to know that she made her own choices. Once she made up her mind, she would listen to no one. It was one of the qualities he admired most about her. Her hair slipped in front of her eyes, and he suppressed the urge to sweep it back for her.

She locked his eyes on him, and he suppressed a swallow. Gaze trailing over her collar and neckline, he took note of a gold necklace he hadn't seen before; he wondered if it was a gift from Sam. “I just wish I could go back to a few weeks ago,” she murmured, twisting her hands together. “Before this all blew up. Before I had all these things to consider.”

“Like last weekend’s engagement fete?”

She let out a laugh, a chiming sound that Robin tried to commit to his memory. “I have to admit that party was the highlight of my month.”

He grinned, besides himself, and leaned in closer. “What, conspiring with me to make my brother jealous?” He tried to hide the bitterness from his voice.

Clearly, it didn’t fool her. Her eyes softened as she peered up at him.

It was her eyes that first drew him to her—a gaze that never wavered. He was enchanted by the way she looked at people—at strangers, at the twins, at Sam too. How quickly her eyes shifted, from deep and reflective, to sparkling and joyous, to furious and flashing. She was never afraid to be vulnerable, to be honest, or to take a risk that might leave her reeling. She wasn’t like him; she didn’t have to hide behind layers of charming one-liners and flirty comments. She was real.

She took a breath. “Actually...I was thinking about dancing with you. That was my favorite part of the night.” His mouth fell open slightly, and she paused. “Thanks for kissing me, by the way. It was a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing. I didn’t expect you to play along.” Maybe it was his imagination, but he could’ve sworn that her eyes gleamed when she made the last statement.

For a guy who prided himself in easily making friends and charming the living daylights out of strangers, Robin had spent his entire life dutifully preventing people from becoming too close to him. He was accustomed to covering up his feelings when they became too strong for him to paper over with charisma. When a relationship entered serious territory, he’d hit the panic button—irritate his girlfriends enough to get them to dump him in public, to cause a scene that’d distract himself and the world from what was turning over inside of him. It was better to keep them away than to let them down eventually; it was inevitable, given his own history of dissapointment in his family. 

Robin had already accepted the fact that he would never be number one in anything—but he’d be damned if he would be last. He wouldn’t be made a fool by anyone or anything.

Yet standing in front of her, on a picturesque day at the park, Robin found himself questioning everything he believed in. Amidst the tangled threads of attraction, the rocky waters of company protocol and forbidden relationships, there was something pure about the moments he had spent with her. When he had whisked her away from Sam at the engagement party, murmuring conspiratorially into her ear, “You look like you could use a break,” he saw the visage of his honeyed words slipping away. Sam and the engagement party could have erupted into flames for all he cared. All he wanted, in that moment, was to hold him in her arms.

There was a yearning, growing within him, that he couldn’t hold back now.

“You know I didn’t kiss you just to piss off Sam, right?”

Her eyes widened, then narrowed, at his sudden admission. Robin should have taken that as a sign to bite his tongue, but the train couldn’t be stopped anymore.

Ever since Robin was young, his father had always chided him to slow down. An audio recording of him yelling, “Be more careful, Robin!” could have very well been the soundtrack of his childhood. Unlike the cautious Sam, Robin was naturally reckless, always seeking out thrills to the dismay of his image-obsessed family. Try as he might to tamper his impulsiveness though, his efforts were never enough for their father. 

The one time that Sam had ever been impulsive in life was when he had stolen her away for a private moment only hours ago—before being interrupted by Robin, no less. It was she who had driven his perfect brother to put his career and his livelihood on the line

Robin was beginning to understand why Sam had been so careless over these past few weeks, so apparently willing to risk everything he had ever worked for. It was her.

He stepped closer, gazing down at her. Breathing in her scent, he drank in the gentle curve of her face and her neck, framed by her windswept hair. He imagined Sam standing in the same position just hours ago, before his lust-addled brain banished that thought.

He was already standing on the edge of the cliff; he knew he may as well jump off.

“I kissed you because I wanted to.”

Her lips parted, and he was descending, diving, drowning into the pool of her eyes.

Leaning down, Robin brushed a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear, revelling in the softness of her skin. She was so close that he could count all of her freckles, see that her lips formed the shape of a heart. Perfect. 

Finally, finally. All he could register was the aroma of her soft floral perfume, the dim memory of their last kiss a week ago, an ache that Robin didn’t realize was throbbing in his chest for too long, begging for release.

He was a fool, but he didn’t care. Robin saw her eyes flutter close, before his followed suit—

“Hey, come see Mickey cannonball into the fountain!”

They leapt apart, putting an appropriate amount of space between them just before Mason came sprinting up to the pair. His hair was sopping wet, leaving Robin afraid to see the state of Mickey’s. The other twin in question came hurtling over only seconds later, his button-up shirt completely drenched, presumably from their antics in the water. Despite the storm of desire rattling his brain, Robin couldn’t help but stifle a derisive snort at the thought of Sam’s exasperation later.

The twins paused, suddenly taking in the two of them, standing awkwardly apart from each other. Mickey’s head tilted in confusion. Robin thought sheepishly back to how he had behaved likewise only just hours ago, when he had walked in on his brother in the same position that he was now in. Caught red-handed with the nanny.

“Hey, did you two get into a fight?” Mickey’s face was far too innocent to know the stabbing truth that his question held. 

Robin forced a smile, straightening his back. “Of course not, kiddo. You’ve got one of the best nannies in the world.” Both of their faces perked up at this. “I could never fight with her.”

His gaze flitted over to her, standing a few feet away as the twins reached up to grab her hands, ever the reaffirming picture of the perfect nanny. Her cheeks were still flushed and he read the tangle of confused feelings written all over her face. She was staring at him again with that shining gaze again, vulnerable and open as the first time he met her. Because of him.

His stomach twisted. So much for not wanting her to get hurt.

Robin took his leave before she could say anything in response—he didn’t want to hear what she had to say about him in front of the twins. He wasn’t sure if he could put on a smiling front any longer. “I’ll see you guys later. Be nice to your nanny.” He turned as his throat constricted, and hurried off.

Shortly afterwards, he called a limo to take him home, citing exhaustion as the reason for his early departure from the picnic. His colleagues told him to get some rest; his father, unsurprisingly, said nothing. Before he stepped into the car, he caught sight of her, next to Sam on the lawn. He ignored the lance of pain upon seeing them stand so close together. 

He caught her eye for a second, but before he could be drawn into the faint glimmer in her eye, he forced himself to walk away and get into the car.

As the limo pulled away from Central Park, Robin stared blankly out the window. His agony was laughable—it was Sam that was supposed to be held back by this forbidden romance with her; he was the one that was already engaged. Yet here Robin was, the perpetual second-best, always left behind, trapped within the same snared feelings. He found some cruel relief in the knowledge that both he and Sam shared the same predicament.

Was it love at first sight? For him, and for Sam, too? He laughed bitterly; what a twist of fate that he and his perfect brother had the same weakness—a woman they could not have. No matter what happened, Robin knew for certain that they were all going to be hurt.

Thinking of what she had said that afternoon, about her wish to go back to last week, Robin wished he could rewind time too. To not rejoice in the stolen moments where she wasn’t occupied with Sam and the twins, to not stay in the office alone with her as he inched closer and closer, to not pull her to his side on the dance floor as he felt the pit in his stomach sinking deeper. Maybe if he could have stayed away, he would be able to retrieve his heart from the snare of her bright gaze.

Or maybe—Robin could’ve charmed her first, before his brother got to her. Maybe then, she’d be sneaking away at the office to be in his arms, not Sam’s. Maybe they would be sitting on a picnic blanket together at Central Park, enjoying a perfect afternoon. Maybe, when no one else was looking, he’d be pressing her against the side of the stall, kissing her over and over again until he was intoxicated from the scent of her. 

As the sky darkened steadily, Robin watched the cityscape pass in a blur. He already knew where this fantasy would end. This wasn’t his story. But he was in too deep and there was no hope of getting out.

[smarti-at-smogwarts]

First Year Profile

Taking a page from the lovely @carewyncromwell​ who’s the blog that introduced me  to HPHM and encouraged me to play. 

While I’m still in year one [ im trying to catch up as fast as possible T-T] I wanted to jot some stuff down about my MC and  maybe have ppl meet her. 

There’s stuff missing but that will be added as I progress through the game. 

[ Image ID close up of a girl with shoulder lenght brown hair, a round nose, and blue eyes. She’s smiling at the camera. End ID]

NAME | Marta Beatrice Venturi

NICKNAMES | Marti -Goes by that everywhere, actually doesn’t like her full name, and only gets called it when she’s in trouble-. Smarti [ Jacob called her this. Off limits] Munchkin [ her dad] Venturi. [ Snape and Merulla] 

Pronouns | She/Her 

ORIENTATION | Bi

[PERSONALITY] Marti is a bit capricious due  to being the baby of her family and tends to want things to go her way. She’s a bit mischievous because of this and can be rather childish though also very playful and sweet for the same reason. She is also incredibly empathetic and always there for her friends, becoming very protective of them. She’s highly social and outgoing often known for befriending people at the drop of a hat. Despite this first impressions tend to stick to her and once she makes up her mind about you it can take a lot for her to change it. [ ie both Snape and Merula are already in a bad light for her after one meeting with each while both Flitwick and Hagrid are in a good light.] 

She’s very protective of and tries to do right by those she considers friends and can be highly protective of them. 

[Image ID; Marti standing between a girl with dark skin, ling black hair and glasses [ her friend Rowan] and a girl with  short brown hair. The text reads under her ‘’get away from her’ End ID]

Jacob is her berserk button as she loves him dearly and still hasn’t let him go. Anyone talking badly about him instantly goes on her sh-t list and will cause her to lose her temper.  

[Image ID- Marti looking angry as a text box below him reads ‘’expelling him was completely unfair; and it was just as wrong of him to run away without telling. End ID]

[BIOGRAPHY]

Marti is the third child of Abigail Rowle and George Venturi. Both purebloods. They had two boys before her, Jacob [ ten years older than Marti] and Edwin [ four years older than Marti]. Most of Marti’s early memories include her family either together or separately and are good ones.  She was specially close to her oldest brother as he often babied her and had a soft spot for her. 

There was a rough patch when Abigail and George after months of arguments and the relationship being rocky, separated. However, Marti was both too young and sheltered by both her brothers for it to affect her too much.  Their father, a wizard world attorney, kept full custody of the three of them which Abigail was okay with.

Raising three kids was a handful for George and while he tried his best and the family was very loving [ with all three Venturi kids being unequivocally Daddy’s Girl/Boys] there were a lot of times when Jacob and even Edwin eventually  picked up the slack. Being the baby, Marti was coddled and never wanted for much attention not in the very least because while Jacob tried to not have favorites between his siblings he undoubtedly had a soft spot for his baby sister.[ not that Edwin ever begrudged her this. ]  

While Jacob went to Hogwarts when Marti was still really young [ which led to more than a few tantrums specially in his first year] he remained an important figure in her life and the three Venturi remained close, reuniting every break the school allowed even after Edwin joined his brother [ starting his Hogwarts career when Marti was  six ]

Unfortunately this wasn’t to last. Jacob vanished during his sixth year which sent the small family into turmoil. Edwin, who was about to start his first year, became withdrawn and sulked on his own, closing himself off to everyone including his own family. George was distraught at losing his oldest son. His relationship with Abigail became strained since they separated amicably enough but the loss of a child led them to be unable to be in the same room without assigning blame. [ though Abby still keeps her visits with her children she just..doesn’t speak to their father.]

And Marti lost her big brother.

The family grieved and eventually seemed to move on though none of them have completely let Jacob go. George still blames himself and harbors a lot of feelings of failing his son. Edwin is hugely withdrawn and refuses to speak on the matter. Marti in particular refuses to let Jacob go or give up on him returning and refuses to believe the things said about him. Jacob was and still is her hero, she had him on a pedestal before he left and still wants him to come back. Something that puts her at odds with Edwin who wants to forget and move on. 

A few years down the line, George married a muggle named Nora who herself had a magical child and a muggle one. Both Edwin and Marti took this as a sign things would get better and that the family could heal, and both were happy to have additions to the family. 

However this also added to Marti’s feelings that she was the only one who still remembered and hadn’t given up on Jacob as Edwin befriended Nora’s magical daughter [ her being the same age as him and a Hufflefpuff and the two becoming best friends as well as siblings] and her father seemed to move on with the help of his new wife.  

Because of this she even more stubbornly clung to Jacob, to the happy memories she had of him- which she seemed to be alone in as his name was tarnished- and the more the family tried to get her to give up on him coming back, the more she dug her heels in. 

Now going to Hogwarts, Marti is excited to start at the school and learn new things. She’s also determined to use the things she learns to bring her brother home someday. 

WAND |  blackthorn wand with a unicorn hair core. It is eleven-and-a-quarter inches and described as "slightly springy and flexible.

Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation, in my view well-merited, of being best suited to a warrior. This does not necessarily mean that its owner practices the Dark Arts (although it is undeniable that those who do so will enjoy the blackthorn wand’s prodigious power); one finds blackthorn wands among the Aurors as well as among the denizens of Azkaban. It is a curious feature of the blackthorn bush, which sports wicked thorns, that it produces its sweetest berries after the hardest frosts, and the wands made from this wood appear to need to pass through danger or hardship with their owners to become truly bonded. Given this condition, the blackthorn wand will become as loyal and faithful a servant as one could wish.

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.

HOUSE | Slytherin 

[MISC]

♦  Marti loves animals especially those often not considered cute [ bats, reptiles, bugs]  and has a pet snake she left at home as she didn’t see anything about snakes being acceptable pets in the letter. She plans to ask about it at some point in her first year. Her pet snake’s name is Mickey. 

♦  Marti has 2 siblings in Hogwarts. Lizzie Mcdonald in Hufflepuff and Edwin Venturi in Ravenclaw. They don’t interact that much however due to the age gap [ they’ll graduate by the end of year 2] and the fact  that they have different social groups [ well Marti and Lizzie do. Edwin’s more a withdrawn Loner] as well as being in different houses. 

♦   This is also in part because of Marti’s own feelings of perceived exclusion. While they love her very much and don’t mean to do it, the unmistakable  synergy between her elder siblings and the friendship that immediately sparked from it often leaves Marti feeling left out or looking from the outside. It makes her miss Jacob and cling to the idea of him coming back all the more since she remembers having a close relationship with him/being closer to him than to Edwin. 

♦  The Venturi’s are very protective of each other[ and of their step siblings] specifically because of what happened to Jacob. It affected them both very badly though differently.  

♦  The Venturi’s are considered blood traitors by most purebloods due to their lax views on Muggleborn wizards especially now that George married a muggle. [ their view of George was already low due to having separated from his pureblood wife]. 

♦  More to the point, all three Venturis [ George, Edwin and Marti ] are hugely defensive against anti-muggle and anti-muggle born sentiments due to Nora and her daughters being part of their family and are likely to react violently to it, especially if directed at them. 

♦  Marti has a love for old rock bands due to Jacob often listening to them when she was little/when he was still around. 

♦   She wore cat ear headbands as a kid and sometimes still wears them [ specially in first year second and third  as she’s still a child but I can definitely see her wearing them for fun as a teenager] 

♦  Marti has a list of spells she wants to learn specifically to prank Merula. And she might be trying to remember what pranks Edwin and Jacob used on each other before Jacob went missing. 

♦  Marti has -undiagnosed ADHD- and RSD [ Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria] which itself is a sympton of ADHD. This often leads to her not focusing in long classes sometimes and spacing out a lot or thinking of other things in class. 

♦  RSD in particular makes it hard for her to regulate emotions and makes her incredibly sensible to perceived [ or real] rejection. She sometimes ends up crying even when she doesn’t want to  [ ie when Snape blamed her for Merula’s prank.] It’s specially going to be harder in her younger years. 

♦  While this won’t happen for a long time, Marti’s first exposure to a boggart will reveal her biggest fear to be her family forgetting about all Jacob. 

♦   Her mirror of erised by contrast is her whole family including Jacob with Edwin smiling like he used to and her dad not looking so worn and sad as he does ever since Jacob went missing. 

FC  Emily Rudd

Older

Friends In Game:

Rowan Khana

Ben Cooper

Penny Haywood

Chiara Lobosca

MC Friends:

Vixen Mcmahen ( @rosievixen​ ) Ryan O’Donnell,  Cara O’Donnell,  Sara O’Donnell,  Conor O’Donnell ( @unfortunate-arrow​)  Finnick -Finn- Moran ( @ljbard121​ ) Cato Reese ( @catohphm​ ) Henry Mclarnon ( @that-ravenpuff-witch​ ) Lyra Wilson ( @cursebreakerfarrier​ )

If you wanna talk about your MC being friends with Marti let me know

[girlinthepictureframe]

The Briefest Kiss Part 20

2016

“Come on, Alex, don’t be this way,” moaned Taylor as she climbed onto his lap, trailing kisses along his jawline.  

One hand rested lazily on her thigh, and Alex tried to get into it, but it just didn’t work. “T, I gotta be on stage in a bit. Miles is already waiting, no doubt. Tonight, yes? I’ll be very generous,” he promised, kissing her quickly, “but not now.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you got some problems down there!” She huffed as she climbed off him. “It’s been days, Alex! What’s going on?”

He didn’t know. He felt all sexed out at the moment. Tired, almost. Or, rather, bored. Vastly uninterested. For the moment, the act of sex had lost its appeal to him. It was nothing but a senseless repetition of movements. He still liked the orgasm, but he could achieve that on his own and didn’t need his girlfriend for that. To be perfectly honest, he’d rubbed one out just an hour ago.  

Taylor leaned against his arm and because she was his girlfriend, and he was a polite boyfriend, Alex did what he felt was expected of him. He lifted his arm to let her curl up. She did. Job well done. “Maybe,” said Taylor, playing with a fringe of her dress, “we need something to spice things up? We’ve been together for a while. You know you can tell me everything, right? All your dirty fantasies? I won’t ever betray your trust, no matter how kinky they are.” She grinned as she pecked his cheek. “You tell me yours; I’ll tell you mine!”

Did he trust her? Would he even care if she spilled his twisted desires to the world? More importantly, did he have any twisted desires that she could spill? As he pondered that, time ticked down. Fifteen more minutes. Miles was probably ready to go. Always the eager beaver.  

“Is it a trust issue? Is that why you’re hesitating?” Taylor poked his shoulder. “Wanna tie me up? Or do me on camera? Anything? Have my butt?” Her brows wiggled suggestively.  

Alex shrugged. “It’s not…” He sighed. “T, I don’t tend to harbor great fantasies.” Which was not a lie, but also not entirely true. He had fantasies. Just not sex fantasies about his girlfriend. Was it his lack of imagination or her incapability to offer inspiration that could be blamed for that? “It’s not like we haven’t done anything. We’ve done lots.”

“Not lately,” she reminded him.  

“I am pretty busy,” he pointed out, testy, “I’ve been touring all summer!”  

“That never stopped you before, has it? Which means, I’m no longer doing it for you.”

“Or,” he said, trying to remain calm, “maybe I’m just exhausted. Maybe we’ve moved beyond just sex, huh? Relationships are supposed to be about more than that, right?”

Her eyes turned soft as she snuggled deeper into his arms. “Of course, babe.”

“Don’t call me that,” he told her. “You know I don’t like it.”

“Forgot,” she muttered. “That’s reserved for Miles.”

“He doesn’t…” Alex let go of her as he got up. When Miles called him that, it sounded different. He’d love to explain that difference to her, but there was a problem with that: he didn’t understand said difference himself. He just knew that there was a difference.  

“Have you ever fantasized about me when you’re on stage?”  

Alex blinked. “What?”

“On stage,” she reiterated. “When you’re up there, in your zone, feeling all that crazy energy – has there ever been a moment when you thought about us, doing it?”

“On stage?”

“No, Alex!” Taylor got up as well. “I’m trying here! Try with me! This is me, attempting to put you in a sexual mood. You’re up on stage, surrounded by all those fans, you’re sweaty and in the midst of letting loose on the guitar! When you do that later, think about me. And when you’re done with your set, come find me. I’ll be here, in your dressing room, waiting for you. If you’re lucky, I might even be naked!”  

He wanted to point out that he already knew how she looked in the nude but bit his tongue as he grabbed his jacket. Besides, “my parents might drop by afterwards, so, don’t. Okay? I don’t want them to find us making out!”

“We’re a couple, Alex! Don’t you think they expect us to do it?”

“I don’t enjoy overly public displays of affection in front of my parents!”  

“Not with me, that is.”

He felt his nerves stretched thin. Instead of hanging around, risking a discussion he neither wanted nor cared about, Alex walked out.

He stepped across the hall, right into Miles’ changing room. He didn’t bother with knocking. Instead, he let the door fall shut behind him and let out a loud and exhausted sigh. “Peace at last!”  

Miles chuckled as he stood in front of the mirror, grabbing his tie and wrapping it around his neck. “Couldn’t nap?”

“Taylor is there.” Alex walked up behind Miles, put his arms over his friend’s shoulders and took the ends of the tie from his hands. “Let me.” As his body pressed against Miles’ backside, as he took in Miles’ expensive cologne and felt his strong physique beneath his arms, Alex placed his chin on his shoulder and found the warmth of him oddly relaxing. His temple leaned against the side of Miles’ face as his fingers tied his black silk tie into a neat little knot. “I’m all fucked out and she’s frustrated.”

Closing his eyes, chuckling, Miles’ head tipped forward. His vibrating body triggered the strangest sensations inside Alex. “I know,” said Miles, “that those words make sense in your head, but they don’t make sense in mine.”

Slightly startled by the tingling all over his skin, Alex focused a bit harder on finishing with Miles’ tie. “She tried to have sex with me but I’m all…lust-less.” As he applied the finishing touches to the tie, placing the knot into its perfect place, Alex noticed how well that white shirt looked on his friend. It was tailored and fitted and had tiny little buttons that one could get lost in trying to undo. “She suggested we share our fantasies, but I don’t have any. Do you? With Hannah, I mean. Not that you’re supposed to share them with me,” he added, inwardly rolling his eyes at his own ramblings. “I mean…should I have fantasies about her? Not Hannah. Taylor.”

Miles grinned as he met his eyes in the mirror’s reflection. One hand reached up to hold on to Alex’s. “I don’t know – and don’t want to know – the details of your sex life, but maybe you’re just not into fantasies in general. Maybe it’s because you live your fantasies. That’s why you have no need for them?”

“I do have fantasies. Just not sex fantasies about Taylor. I have some about you,” said Alex, nonchalantly.  

“Sex fantasies?” Miles raised a brow.  

“Nah.” The denial came out weird. It came out too calm. Too regular. Too unfazed. Shouldn’t the suggestion of having sex fantasies about one’s best friend cause shock or anything like that? Why was Miles not freaked out at the thought of it? Why didn’t he freak out himself, wondered Alex. And why did Miles look so bloody amused? It was all very confusing to Alex.  

“You can’t say something like that and then not tell me more!”  

Alex slipped his hand out of Miles’. “We have to leave for stage.”

“Oh no!” Miles flashed him a sly smile as he reached behind him to hold Alex in place. “We got some minutes to spare. Spill it!”

Alex grinned as he shook his head. He made no attempt to get away from Miles. “You’ll laugh!”

“I swear I won’t.”

He hesitated. “Oh whatever! One giggle and I’ll stop!” Alex still held Miles’ eyes via the mirror. “When you sing Bad Habits, when you sing ‘sick puppy’, I imagine you spitting on stage. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know! I just do! There you go.”

Miles didn’t giggle. He kept his serious face. And astonished Alex when he asked, “want me to do it?”

A shiver ran down Alex’s spine. Was that arousal? Why was he feeling it now? His hand moved from Miles’ shoulder across his front, slowly, down the line of buttons. “You would?” His voice came out strikingly hoarse.

Miles nodded curtly.  

Alex was transfixed by the growing darkness that took a hold of Miles’ usually bright and big eyes. His hand came to a rest on his flat stomach, he felt the outlines of his friend’s firm pecks and stumbled over his own intrigue. Why was it so warm in here all of sudden? He felt sweat building on the small of his back. His eyes still clung to Miles’ as he pressed his hand against Miles’ belly, pushing his own body against his backside.  

“What are you doing?” asked Miles, huskily, lids fluttering, head dropping back against Alex’s shoulder.  

Alex let go abruptly. “Nothing.” He spun around. Thank God he was wearing a long shirt. Otherwise he’d have to explain a rather inconvenient, remarkably unexpected boner. “Stage is waiting.”

“Yes,” agreed his partner as he grabbed his jacket. Alex was halfway out of the room when Miles wrapped his arm around his shoulder and placed a firm kiss on his cheek. “Hannah left for Los Angeles earlier today.”

“Yes?” Alex took note of that. Was it unusual that he immediately understood the deeper meaning behind that bit of information? Was it peculiar that Miles let him know that he’d be alone in his hotel room tonight? Was he imagining things and presuming wrongly that Miles wanted him to sleep next to him tonight? Had Miles really given in to his touch a moment ago? Had he truly sunken into his arms or had reality played a trick on him? And if it hadn’t, if Miles had done it, what did that mean? And why had he gotten a bloody erection from rubbing his friend’s stomach?

“Al?” Miles gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You stopped walking. Are you alright?”

“Sorry!” He snapped out of his thoughts. “Yeah, just…my head is messing with me.” As they kept walking towards the stage, Alex leaned into Miles, to whisper. “You don’t have to spit. I don’t even know why I said it.”

“That was the weirdest thing anyone’s ever asked me to do. Just for that, I’ll do it,” Miles whispered back. “Al, stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about fantasies and Taylor and whatever happened in that dressing room a moment ago. Just turn your head off.” He touched his forehead to Alex’s and smirked. “Think less and enjoy more. All that worrying that you do? It gets you wrinkles!”  

Alex laughed, unable to help himself. “It does not!”

“Sure does,” disagreed Miles with a grin. His index finger dabbed the corner of his eye. “Right there. A big, fat wrinkle!”  

Swatting Miles’ finger away, Alex laughed even harder. “I’m wrinkle-free! I’m not the one needing anti-aging crème!”  

“That’s a preemptive move and not a necessary one,” declared Miles as he wrapped his arm closer around Alex, pressing his lips to his cheeks once more. “Love you, babe! Go and have fun out there!” Miles gave him a playful slap on his ass and Alex replied with a sly wink as the both of them walked out on stage, greeted by the applause of an excited audience.  

-

Present Day

Alex leaned against the basin of his bathroom, naked, covered in dirt, and hard, shamelessly enjoying the sight of Miles who was taking a shower right in front of him. “You know,” he said, beaming, “you’re the only person in the world I’d allow to walk through this house with muddy feet!”  

Laughter erupted from Miles. “I feel honored!” He pushed the glass door to the shower open. “You could join me.”

Pushing himself away from the basin, Alex stepped into the shower. “I thought you’d never ask!” His arms curled around Miles’ neck and he attacked his lips with a hungry kiss, moaning when Miles wrapped his own arms around him, bringing their bodies closer together. Even though it was barely half an hour since their sexual adventure on Alex’s lawn, their hunger for one another wasn’t the least bit sated.  

On the contrary. As Alex slid his naked body against that of Miles’, he felt even more desperate than before. He knew now what it could be like to be with Miles, to have him as his. Last fall it had been a new thing. There had been fumbling and uncertainty. They had been drunk and overwhelmed. It had been a first and it had felt like one. But before, outside, in the rain, it had been mind-blowing!  

There had been no doubt in Alex’s mind that it had been the beginning of something great. And with each passing minute, he felt himself getting more comfortable in the presence of Miles. Not that he hadn’t been comfortable in his presence before. But until tonight, they had been friends. Maybe friends with small benefits. But they had been undefined and always open to their own doubts and questions.  

Not anymore. Alex was Miles’ and Miles was Alex’s. And as Alex took a possessive hold on Miles’ ass, grinning into their enthusiastic kiss, he felt himself overcome with happiness knowing that Miles wasn’t going away. After the shower, they’d go to bed, maybe have sex again, and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Then they would wake up together, do it all over again, and Miles still wouldn’t go. He’d stay. With him.

And even though Alex no longer needed Miles’ verbal reassurance that they were in it for the long haul, he still enjoyed hearing it. “Don’t ever wait for me to ask you,” whispered Miles against Alex’s hungry lips. “Between us, you never have to ask for permission.”

There was a blank check that Alex couldn’t wait to cash in on. He kissed him hard before sinking his teeth into Miles’ lower lip, nipping the pliant flesh. “To clarify, if you’re asleep and I want to do things with you…”

“Do it,” allowed Miles. “I trust you.” He pressed him up against the glass wall, grabbed his waist and smiled when he touched their foreheads together. “Do you have anything particular in mind?”

“Maybe,” teased Alex. “You inspire me to imagine the filthiest fantasies!”

“I do?” Miles grinned smugly. He placed a tiny kiss right to the corner of Alex’s mouth and nuzzled his way towards his earlobe. “I want to make all your fantasies come true.” He bit his earlobe, drawing a deep moan from Alex. “Shower sex or bed sex?”

“First shower.” His voice was raspy as he fisted Miles’ hair. “Then bed. And tomorrow, I have great plans for the kitchen!”

Miles smiled even harder. “You mean sex, though? Right? Just to clarify. No renovation?”

Alex laughed loud, even as he was grinding against Miles’ very aroused body. “Sex and sex only.”  

“I like the sound of that!” Miles dropped to his knees and kissed the tip of Alex’s eager cock.  

“Oh fuck,” moaned Alex. “Feels incredible, baby!” He sunk back against the wet glass wall of his shower as Miles began to fondle his balls with one hand while the other ventured further, towards his ass, where one of his fingers disappeared between the cheeks, into his puckered hole, ready to serve the pleasure he so desperately sought.  

Miles’ mouth slipped off his cock, kissed the tip of it again and then his tongue began to play a wicked licking game, driving Alex utterly insane with desire. “God, don’t ever stop doing that!”  

-

“I’m beginning to like this couch,” confessed Alex as he climbed further on top of Miles, who had his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. They’d spent the last fifteen minutes kissing like horny teenagers and Alex would love to take this back to the bed, or anywhere, really, as long as they would lose their clothes and start doing something with their erections but Miles’ cab was due to arrive soon and then they’d have to let go of each other for two whole weeks. Alex clung harder to him as he slid his tongue deeper into Miles’ mouth, drawing a pleased moan.  

“Told you,” breathed Miles, lips puffy, “this is perfect for making out on.” His hand slipped further down, towards Alex’s butt and he grabbed it, giving it a squeeze. Alex pushed himself harder against Miles. “Wish you could come along.”

“I know. Wish the same,” said Alex. More kissing. “Two weeks without this? I might perish from sexual frustration!”  

“What a gruesome death that will be,” rasped Miles. “Lonely and unsatisfied.”

“Painful, I imagine.”

“And uncomfortable.”  

Alex attacked Miles’ lips with even more vigor. “Only one solution. We must stay here and keep having sex.”  

“For all of eternity,” grinned Miles. “There’s no way around it.”

A car honked on the outside.  

Miles got up, Alex still in his arms, carrying him with him towards the main door, where Alex slid down in the most provocative manner imaginable, causing Miles to groan in protest. “Bloody tease!”  

“Right back at you!” Alex smiled sadly. Saying goodbye, even for a limited amount of time, had never felt this hard. And he wasn’t prepared for those feelings. Placing one palm on Miles’ cheek, Alex held on to his shirt with the other one. “Fifteen days. Then I expect you to walk back through this door.”

Miles pressed his lips against Alex’s. “I love you.” Another kiss. The car honked again. Another, harder kiss. “Fifteen days.”

-

“How’s life in love?” wondered Jamie, wrapping an arm around Alex as he found him at the bar.  

Alex blinked, about to answer, but Matt and Nick walked up as well. Smirking. Both of them. He gulped nervously. “What’s going on?”

Nick pulled out his phone and Matt came to a stop on Alex’s other side, opposed to Jamie. “We talked,” said the bassist. “And we feel like we haven’t done enough. If we had done more, you and Miles might be married already. And we feel bad for that.”

“Exactly,” spoke Matt, drawing Alex’s attention. “But we’re going to change that.”

“This is,” interjected Jamie, “your first men-only relationship. And we fear you’re in need of some guidance.”

What now? Alex tried to wiggle free, but his band was insistent. They had him cornered. “Fellas, what’s happening?” His eyes landed on Nick once more, and on his phone, only it wasn’t Nick’s phone. “Is that mine?”

“We borrowed it,” Nick grinned. “For a very important purpose.” Nick handed the phone back to Alex. And Matt and Jamie began to laugh. “Check your images!”  

Alex did. And blushed. “The hell?”

“This,” began Matt, “is a very neat selection of homoerotic photography.”

“And if you switch to videos,” added Jamie, “you’ll find a very educational assortment of short clips. Use them wisely.”

Alex succumbed to laughter. “You spammed my phone with porn?”

“We don’t want Miles to miss out on anything only because you don’t know how to use the internet in the manner in which it was intended,” said Jamie.

“For porn?” asked Alex.

“Precisely,” said Matt.  

Alex was tempted to complain, to take insult, or even to run and hide in embarrassment but as his eyes quickly scanned the material his band had amassed for him, he had to admit, some of it might actually end up being useful. They had a point. It was his first relationship with a man. And it was one of his character traits that he never did anything half-assed. Therefore, he needed study material. He spotted a very interesting image of two men in a staggeringly acrobatic position. His eyes began to linger on that.

Matt placed a hand on Alex’s phone. “Not now, horndog! Do it with Miles. But without us. We prefer to lend our support from the distance.”

“Speaking of support.” Matt placed his arm back around Alex’s shoulder. “When you and Miles get married, who’ll be your best man? I am your oldest friend!”  

“But,” pointed Jamie out, “you can’t trust him with the rings. He lost his own plenty of times!”  

“Neither of them knows how to throw the perfect bachelor party!” Nick crossed his arms smugly. “That should be the deciding factor!”  

Alex gaped at his band in shock. It was the second time they had carelessly tossed out a remark about marriage. “Miles and I aren’t into this whole idea of marriage! To us, it’s just a piece of paper.” Then again, they’d only ever discussed that topic when they had been with their ex-girlfriends. A few years ago, they’d overheard Hannah and Taylor discussing wedding dresses and had promptly panicked. Back then, the idea of forever had appeared foggy and imaginary. Now, however? As far as Alex was concerned, Miles was his and he was Miles’. There’d never be anyone else again. He had long ago lost his heart to him and now it was living happily in Miles’ arms. There was no need to change that. A wedding, though?

“Hate to break it to you.” Jamie playfully punched his shoulder. “But I know your mother. She’ll want that wedding. And grand-children!”  

“Kids?” Alex almost squeaked. “Whoa, slow down! Mi and I are very much on the same page there. We love touring. We love traveling and moving around and going out. There’s not a lot of room for children there!”  

The three other Monkeys began to grin. “You’ll say that now,” said Nick.  

Alex shook his head. “I’ll keep saying that! And my parents know it!”  

Matt snorted. “I’ll make the first bet, then. Hundred bucks says they’ll be married next year!”  

“They needed a decade to have sex,” Jamie remarked as he rolled his eyes. “A hundred on five years!”  

“You have too much faith.” Nick smirked. “A hundred says they’ll marry on their fiftieth birthday!”  

“A hundred says this band will be history by the end of the night!” Alex grabbed his drink from the bar, slipped away from Matt and the others and positioned himself in front of them. “Comrades. To the future.” He lifted his glass and smiled. “To love.”  

“And sex,” added Matt, setting off a round of laughter.  

“Also,” added Alex, “it might please you to know that I’ve begun writing for our next record. I’ve been feeling very inspired, lately and—”

Jamie snorted. “That album will be full of sex references!”

Nick nodded enthusiastically. “He’ll be crooning a lot!”  

Matt chortled. “All lovey-dovey.”  

“Fuck all of you!” Alex chuckled. “And you better believe it’ll be about love! I’ve rediscovered my fascination with it!”

“To  Milex,” laughed Matt.  

Spoiler Part 21

“Out of curiosity,” asked Alex’s mother as they sat on the Patio, enjoying breakfast, “where are you sleeping, Miles? We noticed that the guest room was unused and—”

David nudged her arm.  

Penny frowned. “What, I’m a mother. I’m allowed to know!”

[i-am-masterkittens]

You better prepare yourself cause these are Quite A Few Questions 👀👀 3, 4, 11, 12, 15, 21, 23, 31, 33, 39 and lastly 40. Wow. 11 questions lmao

Thank you so much 😭😭❤

3. rant. just do it (I am going to put my whole ass rant under the cut because BOY IS IT LENGTHY. Also tw child abuse, pedophilia, self-harm and I think that’s it.)

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? No? Like I guess if you want to, that’s fine, I’m not gonna hate you for it, but for me personally I’m gonna try to avoid it as much as possible. If a bad person creates a masterpiece, I’m still not gonna support them.

11. what unusual talent do you have? Uhh mild body contortion? Like I can’t touch my toes for the life of me but I can twist my body really weirdly and bend all my fingertips backwards by a lot. I love freaking people out by doing that.

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I have audio-based problems meaning I have trouble understanding someone when they speak and also remembering what they said, so I can eavesdrop on the juiciest gossip and forget the next day. However, I do remember this one thing about some kid named Evan being a vampire, which I distinctly remember because Jake talked about it, but I don’t remember how it came up.

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked? One would think it would be “omg are you left handed?” Or something similar, but I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me about it. One question I do get a lot is from my boyfriend, “why are you so cute?” It makes me shy and I have to hide my face.

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in? That there are Warrior cats living somewhere in the world (from the warrior series). Which I guess isn’t a conspiracy, but I believe in it!

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? The inability to take care of myself. I mean, if someone wasn’t there to remind me every day, I would never remember to take my medicine, or brush my teeth before bed, or even get dressed half the days. I wouldn’t call it lazy, it’s more of a “I’m too tired to take care of myself”. That’s mental illness for you babey!!

31. you can change one thing in your life right now. what are you changing? OH. I would totally delete every disease in the world. This whole quarantine thing is making me sick physically, emotionally, and mentally, because I am not allowed outside at all and the lack of fresh air, meeting people, and vitamin D is stressing me out and well I feel bad almost all the time now. Not to mention all the cool stuff I was gonna do for my 2020 graduation. 😔

33. what do you think about a lot I sometimes wonder if my best friend would let me call him Jakey or Jakie as a nickname but I’m too shy to ask because I am baby.

39. describe your asthetic Okay so I call it “Pretty-Cryptid, Baby-Softcore.” Because I am baby AND a cryptid. I’ll be eating baby carrots from the bag and staring out the window one minute then I’ll want to be snuggled under lots of blankets the next. I also really love pretty things and colors. Pastel purples and blues? Hell yeah! Pats on the head? I love you. A demon with ethereal vibes and pretty jewelry is standing next to me in bed and telling me everything’s going to be okay? OGHOHOHHHHGH ❤❤❤❤ Anyway I want a pretty monster dad, please?

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation Mr. Wise.

Here’s my rant:

The basis of it all is just that I would probably sleep forever if I could.

I guess that isn’t all quite a rant, so I’ll start of on a mild note. What the fuck is happening to my dreams? I’ve been having these weird ass dreams about people taking care of me and genuinely wanting to become a parental figure to me. They all wear masks, two of which look exactly like SCP-035 and SCP-049, but there’s this one dude, I don’t know him, but he wears this mask with holes in it. Apparently his name is Jason? This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dream about someone who I didn’t know existed, I’ve also had dreams about Monika from DDLC before I knew who she was, and even about how she died. It was creepy as fuck, and I sure hope my dreams don’t come true because I’ve had dreams of the future more than once.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the heavy stuff, starting with my parents.I know I’m not the only person to have shitty parents, but that doesn’t stop them from being shitty. And before I get into anything, please please, please don’t report them to anyone. It’s probably weird to hear considering all they’ve done, but the guilt will probably kill me literally, and I still kinda love them, I mean they’re my parents and they took care of me. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and I don’t want to have to hurt myself because I did something to them, even if it was indirectly.

It used to be physical abuse, but it’s evolved into verbal as I grew up. Whenever I used to get in trouble, I would get so fucking terrified of what was going to happen to me. My dad, who was mostly absent from my life, (hence my constant wishing for a fictional character to be my dad, and probably a HUGE factor for what’s happening to my dreams lately) was also the most heavy handed with the hitting. He would spank me so hard that I would be crying and my butt would be red for hours. And it was so SO obvious that he liked my sister more than me, because it was always me who ended up with the red butts, and she’d get away with a loud yelling at. Meanwhile my mom would just hit me wherever she could with whatever she could, including a wire coat hanger when she was doing laundry.

And I recognize that I was a problem child, both physically and mentally because of my internal deformities that cause a lot of health problems, but also my weird boyish mentality and energy (I was into roughhousing a lot). But even then, just yelling would be enough to make me stop. Hitting me the way they did only made me learn how to lie to them and hide when I did something wrong.

This sort of stuff went on until about middle school, where it turned into more verbal threats about kicking me out of the house, as well as calling me names and making comments that dropped my self esteem very low, including stupid cow, bitch, and even telling me to hide my body and never wear bikinis or short shorts or crop tops (which I was already sensitive enough about because of my scars and the bump in my abdomen because of my knotted intestines, which gives me digestive issues if I eat too much). Dad almost completely dropped off the disciplinary train, only yelling at me extremely loudly when he got angry, but other than that I did pretty much nothing with him.

Because of them I’ve become extremely paranoid when it comes to touches that aren’t meant to be 100% comforting, and I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone for fear of getting hurt, (I’m sorry Jake :( if it makes you feel better though I trust you the most out of anyone else) and I get nervous when speaking up because I always got shot down by my parents.

It’ll be okay though because I have my boyfriend who I’ll get to live with soon, even if it’s just for the summer.

This isn’t everything that they’ve done, but it’s the majority of it, and even though they do good stuff with me sometimes, like my dad cooks breakfast or takes us out to eat, or we all go on nice vacations together, and it makes me feel guilty that I’m making them look bad, and worry that I’m oversharing or being too sensitive, but then I remember what they do and have done, and remind myself that I’ll only visit during holidays.

When I was 13, I came into contact with a pedophile. My first one out of at least 2 that I remember. I’m going to spare the details, but he tried to roleplay sexual situations with him, and convince me to undress in front of him, and that’s when I cut contact with him, and faked my death. I’m so, SO fucking sick of pedos, and pedo apologists, saying there’s nothing wrong with the age difference, when pedophilia has done nothing good to or for children. It gave me severe PTSD, to the point that I can’t say any words relating to reproduction, and visual-based sexual content will cause me to have flashbacks and panic attacks and cause me to scratch myself. Thanks pedos! Fucking hate you all! Please die.

And before people say I am overreacting, I’ve had this huge trigger since I was 13 and that is not something a kid should go through. And the reason why not a lot of people know about what happened, it’s because of the fear that I harbored, that people would laugh at me, and might use my triggers against me, which made things even worse, and it wasn’t until my boyfriend triggered me (accidentally) that I finally told someone, and it made me feel better that I could rely on him.

Other than that, another rant is about my boyfriend. I mean, he’s a good boyfriend, and he’s nice, but sometimes he comes off as insensitive and it makes me upset. That’s most of the reasons why we fight. Another big thing is lack of affection/attention, which might seems strange since we’re always hanging out, it seems, and cuddling, but sometimes he falls asleep on me and I get bored and don’t know what to do, or sometimes he ignores me to play video games or talk to other people. I am very touch starved so I need constant attention and contact or else I get worried, and I don’t know if he knows this or not, but he definitely comes off as ignorant sometimes. 

He makes up for a lot of stuff he does, but it doesn’t make what he did go away, and I wish he’d realize that and change because he keeps making the same mistakes.

My last rant is going to be about myself, and that I feel like a shit person! I feel like I always make things worse! I feel bad for every decision I make! I feel like I’m too clingy to my boyfriend and that I ask too much of him sometimes, and it makes me feel like shit because what I want and how I feel afterwards are different things and wow! Time for scratches! Also I want to have the power to always know what to do and say to make everyone happier and feel better! But then I get scared I’m gonna make a mistake and instead of trying to help I ignore them and go wow! I am a very shit person for ignoring them! And now my heart hurts because I got another heart palpitation by panicking! Wow I have a shit body! My heart deformities might kill me in my sleep! Wow! I am so insecure about everything I do and every way I look. I just want to become small and disappear sometimes. I miss you Jake. It’s hard for me to tell you I love you because it’s such an intimate phrase and my boyfriend was the first to hear it from me. But I’m glad you’re the second, even though we were so close to it. Somewhere in an alternate universe we’re together, and that makes me happy. I hope I we can become platonically intimate again, I remember holding your hand at night and it made me feel a little bit better at that camp.

My body just always hurts. I have to take a lot of medicine, and between all my heart, lung, and intestinal issues, on top of all my mental issues, majority of which have gone undiagnosed because my mom is in denial and refuses to get me to any sort of therapy; all of that combined makes me tired constantly, and I just always have stress, and a little headache in the back of my head.

I’m still hurting a lot, but I hope to get better. I have lots of ideas for the future, and I want to complete them before I go. I hope I make it past 2020, with many of you in tow.

I’m so tired.

I’m sorry if I made you sad.

[o5-10]

({No trigger warnings for this, and it’s hella late, but here’s an overview of that time Janus and Cowboy slept over at o5verthinking’s place.})

“O5ver, can you come get me? I’m scared.” Words typed half joking, not expecting a serious answer. O5verthinking read it, and weren’t sure if it was serious or not, however, and, after some deliberation, they decided the best move would be to offer safe harbor to their friend ally, and leave a good impression. They wanted to be good friends. Well, they were pretty sure they were friends, and if they were, they had to be good friends, it’s only proper. Besides, no one deserved to receive that message.

They asked if Janus still needed to be picked up, and Cowboy was more than happy with the offer, since they were both pretty distressed by the nuclear waste that had been presented to Janus in the form of a terrible pickup line. Immediately upon confirmation, O5verthinking set about stabilizing a room in Tamlin House for their guests.

While the room was being readied, Cowboy was picking up his office that he’d torn apart in a fit of rage, and Janus was scouring their skin to the best of their abilities. The moment they were given coordinates, though, they both jumped to the ready so they could get out as soon as possible. While getting out was the obvious main focus, Janus also genuinely enjoyed O5ver’s company the last time they had been together in person, which bode well for this, or any future interactions. They wouldn’t show that, though, and anything would be an improvement, really.

And so they met up with O5verthinking’s O5-7, who transported them quickly to the selected room. Even at the best of times, Tamlin House was an experience that could leave individuals confused, at best. Odd or not, though, the room they were in was safe, and the others present were enjoyable, in as much as Overseers can enjoy others, or be enjoyable as individuals. Even, or especially, Overseers are often lost in the nuances of their interpersonal relations.

Whatever nuances existed between those present, everything went off with a fairly decent start. Sure, nerves were high, and the circumstances were horrible, but it didn’t seem to dampen things near as much as expected. All fifteen present had been prepared for it to go far worse, between the problems Janus and Cowboy tend to cause and the five usual suspects on O5verthinking’s end, but everyone was mercifully well-behaved, a fact everyone was grateful for.

The event’s tone was really set when the guest Cowboy’s cats came out from hiding in his clothes. This was met with approval that had to be shared with everyone, “Their Six brought his cats. I repeat, there are cats,” O5-3 announced to the server at large. Janus frowned about it, always one to find a reason to be cranky, at least in public.

“It’s fine, we love them,” O5ver responded in the collective. The cats, none the wiser, wandered around the room curiously, taking in the new sights and smells. They checked out all the new entities, greeting them all in different ways, but the most interesting new friend was Marimo, another cat.

The kittens started goading each other into play, and pretty well everyone, including Mx. Professional Wet Blanket, was willing to contribute to the cats’ antics. Playful kittens became the ongoing background for everything. They also served to distract from some subtle note passing between members of O5verthinking.

After everyone had time to get settled in, O5ver’s Five began to get restless. He’d spent time preparing food for the guests, but the guests hadn’t yet tried any of it, and the cats had distracted everyone from him trying to offer some. That, on top of his usual nervous energy, was not shaping up well for him. Two took notice, thankfully, and she got the guests’ attention.

It was a bit awkward to have to ask, the Nazarene knew this, but it was important to Forward, “Janus, can you please try the lemon meringue, if only to pacify Five a little? He's getting antsy.”

Janus nodded slowly, agreeing to try some, despite lacking an appetite. It was a small price to pay, they figured. The pie was good, it probably would have been better were they in the mood to eat, Forward had a knack for cooking, which would have been surprising, had it not come up before. Bastardverse’s Six took some as well, out of politeness. Forward was satisfied well enough, but Nazarene knew she’d be having some careful words with him later.

More notes were scribbled down and passed amongst members of O5verthinking Command.

The guests noticed a bit of the writing, but there were other things to focus on, still. Besides, taking notes wasn’t the most unusual thing, and they were still in the “getting to know you” stage of friendship.

Janus was starting to panic internally that they were being a poor guest, since most of what they’d done was yell at their boyfriend, and awkwardly take food they weren’t in the mental place to enjoy. That was far from ideal, so they went through their phone to pull up some photos.

“O5ver, how do you all feel about stingrays?”

“We love them,” again with the jarring collective voice.

“Good, then come look at these,” they showed everyone the pictures they’d taken from the date at the Sonora Desert Museum, where they’d petted and fed the stingrays. Cowboy pulled out his own phone to show the pictures he’d taken. This proved popular enough that the letter passing slowed, and it would be a fondly shared memory for all involved.

More pictures were shared, this time by Code in the Server. The majority were appreciated and enjoyed, but, as Code is wont to do, some managed to set the Overseers off.

Other interactions in the Server were largely updates, or affections shared behind redactions. Right up until Mahina showed up, when Cowboy decided to take his allotted PDA hour, much to Janus’s embarrassment. They’d asked him to be affectionate earlier, but they’d not factored in that they were easy to fluster.

The Server wasn’t even the half of his gushing, which prompted more note passing, and some whispering, as well. They weren’t being as slick as they thought they were, but thankfully, there was another distraction from calling them on their bizarrely energetic note passing.

“Give me new skin,” Janus joked, due to the combination of pain caused by scouring their skin, and the slimy feeling left from Sleazebucket Supreme’s message.

O5verthinking were all pretty sure it was a joke, but weren’t certain, “Tamlin, where do you keep the skin?” They asked at the same time that Bastardverse’s Cowboy asked “Is that possible?”

“Well, how much skin, and what kind?”

This was followed by an explanation that they might have some, even if they don’t have as much skin as they do bones, and “We are good hosts who give our guests spare skin on demand.”

Janus couldn’t argue that point, so they explained they needed skin like their own, and enough for their entire body.

Janus rubbed their nails anxiously, waiting, and talking with their not-boyfriend. Just as O5verthinking returned, a few crossed wires lead to a panic, and a brief moment of death threats and fear directed at, yet again, the cause of the sleepover in the first place. By comparison, the fact that the hosts had returned carrying a good amount of human skin wasn’t nearly so horrifying.

Of course, everyone still needed to figure out how to actually successfully do a full body skin graft, leading to more exchanges between the couple, and even more hushed whispering between O5verthinking about their opinion, interspersed in the discussion of logistics.

Janus was awake and somewhat talkative throughout, though they were, again, trying, and struggling, to put words to emotions that they were, admittedly, not overly familiar with, it’d been so long. Words were hard for them on the best days, at least for emotions. Their company all understood, though. They were all Overseers, they understood.

They were all not sure how to process the fact that they really, truly did just perform a full body skin graft, but it was what happened. Janus and their not-boyfriend exchanged more words, about a lot of meaningless things after O5ver offered to house them as long as they needed. Meanwhile, O5verthinking Command gathered in a corner to continue their discussion that had been started in notes being passed.

The discussion was a bit more animated than perhaps necessary, and it drew the attention of the guests. They both looked at them in confusion.

“Are they alright?”

“No idea, honestly. I have ideas on what they might be talking about, though.”

It didn’t take too terribly long for one of the Overseers to notice they were being watched.

“Guys, he’s staring at us. They’re both staring at us.”

“Are you sure? He could be staring at the wall.”

“Why would either of them be that concerned about the wall?”

“I made sure the wallpaper was nice and everything! Isn’t it nice?”

“Evidently it’s not.”

“Guys I really think it makes more sense tha--”

“Shut up. I think it’s nice, Joey--”

“They’re from a different construct, maybe they have different tastes over there.”

At some point Janus turned back to talk to their Cowboy, but he was still trying to puzzle out what was going on with O5ver, “Six, are you trying to imitate your cats, now?”

A few more minutes of staring, and O5verthinking came to the conclusion that they were okay with this Six, but they were still suspicious. It would take a lot for them to drop suspicion of him, if it was at all possible. Maybe some time in the future, but not that night.

Getting the opinion mostly out of the way, though they were still taking notes on everything, left them with a lull in activity, which made Janus antsy, which they’d never admit fully. They asked O5ver what they usually would do when all together, with little else to worry about.

They weren’t sure what they were expecting, but a list including “varying kinds” of games, “Soap opera Contain Protect,” and sleeping was not what they expected.

“I read soap opera as soap. My eyes do not want to read.”

This set O5ver off on a tangent about how they could make soap if they wanted to. Then, some bickering among themselves, “Do any of us know how to make soap?”

“I do.”

“I don’t.”

“I don’t either.”

“We don’t even know if they want to.”

“We need to be prepared in case they do.”

“They’re right there, we can ask.”

And so on.

Janus did want to make soap, but they didn’t want to do so at the expense of their hosts. They decided to take this one to their therapist who, despite their paranoia, they respected, and believed the word of in most cases, “feel free to correct me here, Glass, if you are awake, but I'm relatively certain that multiple person activities should typically seek to be ones that all involved are interested in on some level, aren't they?”

“That’s the case, yes.” Glass responded relatively soon.

“Generally, yes, why?” O5verthinking responded, somewhat clueless.

“Because you seem to be disregarding this?” Janus sighed. They had to try to explain, again, that they wanted to do something most, if not all parties agreed on. They also conceded that they weren’t great for ideas, having very few extracurricular interests.

After a brief discussion, though, the consensus ended up being minecraft, with mods that added reptiles, for some reason or another, probably above everyone’s clearance level, including those who selected them. Regardless, they built a few things, and generally wound down playing minecraft before Overseers started nodding off, and everyone arranged themselves so everyone felt watched and protected by those around them, and they all got some very rare sleep. They would, of course, never admit to this sleep, nor how long the guests stayed for, especially since time is highly relative in this case, but they were grateful for the stay on both sides, very grateful.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Sunny days and gyroids!

Greetings from Sunset Valley! I’m here with Dixie, Rocky, and Jamie on a treasure hunt for gyroids! It’s one of those once in a lifetime events involving super rare gyroids that only pop up every few hundred years or so. This time we’re in a desert city on a sunny day where planning ahead’s important because of the hot desert sun.

Originally it was just me and Jamie, kinda like our castle hopping adventures last year - but it turns out Dixie and Rocky happen to be in the area and heard about the gyroids too so now we’re a foursome! 

Dixie just got back from her latest voyage and arrived at the harbors a few days before. Then she called Rocky over and he arrived yesterday. Quite a bit has happened with him since we last saw each other for the Pokeball event and one is that he’s being mentored by Dixie. In fact, she’s the one who finally got him cleared to do field work as an agent in training and now he’s kinda shadowing her at the agency. Kinda as in Dixie’s not technically a full time agent at the Underground Alert Task Force since she’s FBI, but she has history and is considered an honorary agent. And when they’re not training or doing anything agency related, they go on adventures together - which works out super well since they’re both sailors!

Dixie, as usual, always has stories to tell about her friends at the Bureau. I’ve never met most of them, but I feel like I know them through Dixie’s descriptions and anecdotes! It’s kinda interesting now that Rocky’s in some of her stories. Even though they live on opposite sides of the country and only knew each other for a few years, it’s like they’ve been friends forever!

As for Rocky, aside from being in training as an agent and getting a brand new walker-cane, things back at Cityburg are different. He mentioned to me a while back that he and Lex are back together after dating on and off for years. Turns out that they’re gonna be parents in the spring and they’re excited and terrified. It’s still hard for him to believe and while his uncle’s happy for him, there’s some tension. Rocky thinks part of it has to do with his uncle being traditional and that he wasn’t too happy that Rocky and Lex were again marrying. The truth was Rocky and Lex want to have the baby but are still uncertain about their relationship so they’re just going to take it one day at a time instead of rushing into marriage because of a baby - which makes sense in my opinion. Rocky and his uncle don’t really see eye to eye on a lot of things to be quite honest. As for Chrissie, he’s having a hard time telling how the news affected her, which is unusual since they always seem to know what’s on each other’s mind.

And there’s also the fact that he’s finally working with the agency. Rocky still wants to keep training to be a full time agent, but he also wants to raise his baby with Lex. There’s still a lot they have to work out, but they’re taking it one step at a time and he’s sure they’ll figure it out eventually. Despite the uncertainty, he seems confident that everything will work out in the end. In fact, I think ever since he started working with the agency, Rocky has become a lot more confident in general.

The story of how Rocky broke the news to his family was pretty funny. Dixie was there when it happened - and so were a few of the agents. The news just kinda spilled out. Rocky and Lex intended to tell his uncle and sister in private but when they stumbled over the words, Chrissy figured it out and blurted out before realizing her mistake. And that was how the agency found out that an agent and a trainee are going to become parents.   

From there, Rocky takes over the story. His uncle was fuming in a way that didn’t look obvious to anyone except those familiar with him. His first question was “How?”, which led to Rocky confessing that it was spontaneous. Chrissie knew that something had happened between them during one of Lex’s business trips. And then Rocky admitted that he never thought to use protection anyway since people with a history of spinal cord injury (like him) tend to have sexual dysfunction and well, guess there’s nothing wrong with that. I can image what an awkward conversation that must be, but since Rocky’s able to laugh at it, then it’s all good! 

Finally, there’s Jamie. The main reason why she’s collecting gyroids is for building furniture. There’s some places like Peace Coast Academy and Hollywood U campus that are undergoing renovations and Jamie figured that both places could use some redecorating. For now things are kind of slow on her end only because she’s been planning some big things that she can’t say too much about yet. Whatever it is, I’m looking forward to them! 

As expected, sunny skies all day! We’re equipped with sunscreen, umbrellas, sunglasses, shovels, wheelbarrows, and canteens! In the morning we searched in the desert area, which was like a goldmine for gyroids! When it got too hot to work, we took a break downtown where we got food and did some shopping and sightseeing. A few hours later we moved to the woods and resumed our hunt. The trees provide a nice shade and I learned a lot about cacti from Dixie and Jamie. It’s fun discovering new plants you’ve never seen before!   

I’ve never seen such vibrant gyroids - it's like looking at a sunrise or sunset! I can’t wait to see what awesome stuff we can make with these!

[dregstrash]

Earning the Present(s) [2/4]

This turned out to be unnaturally long, but I hope that’s okay, I just missed our dear Fjerdan a lot. I am really sorry this took so long. Part 3 will be up sooner rather than later. I hope this is okay as an addition.

Part 1

Part 2 of my Holiday Fic with the crows! If you want to be tagged just let me know! Also Matthias is alive in this one (shhhhh)

Summary: Five years after the events of the Ice Court, the six outcasts were in the prime of their lives. They had everything they had fought and bled for: money, power, promise, home. But this holiday season, a surprisingly altruistic event has them all under the same roof, and they all may have been a little older and a little wiser, but they were still those teenagers who had done the impossible and had almost died countless of times. And when the idea of a holiday gift exchange comes up the true test of their friendship and their growth is thrown into the rink.

----------

MATTHIAS

Matthias did not think he imagined the sharp twinge in his stomach as he rounded a corner that could have been the place he took his final breath. The bridge was cleaner, or as clean as anything is in this city, and as he stepped onto the cobblestones and looked upon the waters, his mind brought him back to that moment five years ago. 

He remembered the bullet hold buried in his stomach, the ragged breaths that came in shorter and shorter, but most of all he remembered the look of Nina’s face as he tried desperately to get to her. She was beautiful--She was always beautiful. Especially then, her eyes sparkled and her cheeks had a pretty blush, and when she noticed him staggering towards her he had the briefest moment of pleasure at seeing such relief on her face.

His vision was fading, and the wolves that had plagued his mind had started to howl and call him back to the ice. But he couldn’t leave yet--Not when Nina was telling him something, berating him for not being on time, and if this was to be his last moment all he wanted was the taste of her. He had felt his blood flow out of the wound as his hands reached up and held her face. Her lips were sweet. They tasted of the victory that was at their fingertips, and of the strawberry and waffles that they had all scarfed down before Brekker’s plan came into motion. He pressed his lips further, and regretted each moment he had cursed her wicked mouth or the times he denied that the surge of desire that threatened to seize hold of him. He would remember this, on the ice, running amongst the wolves, in the land of Djel, he would remember this and remember his little red bird.

But then when his vision turned to black and the wolves welcomed him home. Then one wolf separated from the pack standing steadily on the ice. He watched as his old friend Trassel bound up to him and nudge his hand with his paw. His coat was gleaming and healthy and seeing his dear friend like this almost made the pain of leaving the world fade away. But then the wolf of his heart started to lead him away from the pack, down a different path on the ice that led him to the edge of a cave. Matthias had questioned his friend, asking where this would lead, but his wolf had simply rubbed his head against his thigh in a small affection and gestured to the entrance. It felt significant. It felt like a choice. Matthias looked behind him towards the ice and towards the pack of wolves that was looking on curiously, and then he looked ahead and felt a familiar tug towards the cave. Then he simply walked in, and it felt like stepping into the sun. Everything was too bright and too hot and the world was tilting dangerously. But when his eyes had fluttered awake he was all too aware of a familiar hand gripping his and the sharp pain in his stomach was slowly receding.

“Matthias!” Nina’s voice sounded wrong. It was laced with terror and grief--Nina was never scared or remorseful of anything.

“N-nina?” His mouth was dry as bones and he couldn’t quite understand what was going on. Was this what death was like? With pain and a ghost of a love that was unfairly ripped apart?

But then Nina’s lips were on his and then on his face. Her kisses peppering him, and an explanation tumbling out of her mouth.

“Inej helped me get you to a hospital,” She sobbed, “She threatened one of the Mediks by knifepoint to heal you. And then we got you to the rendezvous point. The Medik healed you enough to get you to Genya. You’re alive. You’re alive. You’re alive.”

Trassel. The cave. His rebirth.

Matthias the fearsome and unforgiving Druskelle had died that day on the bridge, and Matthias Helvar was reborn on a Ravkan ship headed towards a new adventure with the love of his life. 

For five years, he was determined to best the wound in his side, to be the man that Nina believed him to be, and slowly build his own identity away from the ice. Of course the nightmares came. Nightmares of his old mentor cutting him down, of the too young Drukselle who had burned with hate, and of losing Nina over and over again. But when the world came back in its usual solidity he remembered that his heart was still beating.

He was alive. He was alive. He was alive.

But being back in Ketterdam felt like someone stepping over his grave. That the cheeriness that showed on drunken faces and hundreds of thieving hands walking up and down his bridge, it felt like he was dying all over again.

Matthias wasn’t sure why he insisted on this walk. He should have been back at Wylan’s house with Nina. He should have let the warmth of the fire and the comfort of good food burn away the cold that had settled in his chest as soon as Inej’s vessel had docked at Berth 22. 

It stayed there all night. Even when Jesper had tackled him with an affectionate hug that he had awkwardly reciprocated, and when he noticed that both he and Wylan wore matching wedding bands. The cold pressed in when Inej had vanished before dinner and came back with the demji. 

Matthias couldn’t help but wonder at how Kaz managed to look darker, more menacing, and more rugged when Jesper and Wylan had only glowed with age and happiness. But he supposed that whatever dark god the demji served only fueled him more. Those shark eyes had given Nina and him a sharp smile and welcomed them home. And Matthias had to fight the shudder that itched to crawl down his spine.

Home. Ketterdam wasn’t their home. It was the dark pit in which Kaz had forcibly demanded their shadows to consume them to do terrible things. And yet, it was still the place their starts had begun. It was the place that had opened Matthias’s eyes to a world where black and white no longer existed, and all that remained was different shades of motley gray. 

Matthias had been sure that Brekker was the least changed out of all of them, especially when he continued to throw barbs and points towards Jesper and sometimes at Nina. But when Inej laughed at something Nina had said, Matthias caught an uncharacteristic softness in those black eyes. It was brief, a lightning rod of emotion towards the woman sitting two places away from him. 

The cold almost thawed then. If Kaz Brekker could have managed to find some sort of warmth in this life, surely Matthias could as well.

Then dinner had ended and Nina announced her idea: a gift exchange on the day of Sankta Nichols.

Several times during their journey to Ketterdam, Matthias had tried to dissuade her. Saying all the reasons why the others would laugh at the tradition, but Nina’s stubbornness had only increased in years and she shrugged him off. Matthias took in the stunned and amused look Jesper had on his face, and the constant uncertainty in Wylan’s. Inej positively beamed with approval, and Kaz had only looked on blankly.

“It’s only a week away,” Nina continued, “So presents shouldn’t be too elaborate. I’m just trying to get some cheer in this dreadful city.”

“If you want cheer, dear Nina,” Jesper said taking a sip from his wine, “East Stave is really quite popular this time of year. We could take a trip down there if you’d like.”

Jesper winked and Wylan coughed in a warning. 

“Or you could spend the rest of the week sleeping outside, Fahey,” Wylan said simply. Matthias almost smiled at that.

Jesper held up his hands in defense, “It was just a suggestion. At least with my idea we don’t have to worry myself with getting gifts we’re all gonna hate.”

“No, you podge,” Nina rolled her eyes, “It’s like a secret gift exchange. We all draw a name out of a hat, and we get a present for that person. Just one gift. It’s supposed to be festive.”

“If you wanted festive, Zenik, you should have stayed in Ravka.” Kaz said in an even voice. “Ketterdam only has drunk and the more drunk.”

Nina’s eyes blazed with annoyance, but it was Inej who said, “You’re doing it Kaz, or that promising shipment of sugar might have a hard time reaching Fifth Harbor.”

A heavy silence had filled the room then. Matthias felt his arms tighten unusually, as if his body was waiting for a fight, but Kaz surprised them all by a lightning strike of a grin. He had only seen the demji smile when his evil plans were at work, and seeing it now seemed almost unnatural.

“So we’re agreed?” Nina said brightly, but before anyone could say anything she clapped her hands, “Wonderful. I’ll draw it all up and we all have a week to get the intended person a present!”

Matthias had drawn Inej. And after dinner when all were settling, he couldn’t decide whether it was the impossibility of trying to find a gift for the Wraith or the overwhelming sensation of the place that had almost taken his life, but he needed to take a walk. He needed to breathe and remind himself over and over that he was alive. 

Nina was already sleeping soundly when he took off his boots and entered their room at the Van Eck house. Her dark hair was spread prettily across both their pillows and her arms were taking up most of the space. Matthias always complained about the lack of space, but of course she would always argue back that if he had already been in bed he wouldn’t have to fight for his right to his side.

Matthias took his shirt off, and slid under his beloved’s arms.

“Matthias?” Nina sighed as he fit his body to cradle hers.

“Yes, my love?” He rumbled, feeling the comforting warmth of her body.

“Where were you?”

She moved her head and placed it against his chest.

“I just took a walk.” He said into her hair.

“You really should be careful.” She mumbled. “I hear this city isn’t very safe for visitors.” 

“Is that right?” 

She lifted her head and even if sleep clung to the very edges of her eyes, that lilt and that tease was as clear as ever. 

“Oh yes, especially for Fjerdans like you.”

She went to poke him in the stomach, but he caught her hand and kissed it instead.

“Isn’t that why I have you to protect me, little bird?” 

Nina gave him a smug smile and scooted upwards to give him a kiss that almost chased away any thought of sleep.

“Of course,” She said pulling back and laying back down on his chest. Matthias wound a finger through her hair and twirled it. “But I can’t protect you if you’re out there brooding.”

He couldn’t help but agree with that. And watching as Nina fell back asleep, he knew that he was a fool. His heart that had stopped that day did not belong to him anymore. His life was remade into something more. Something better. And that meant that his life belonged fully to the woman who was taking more than her half of the bed.

------------------------

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[starfleetdoesntfirefirst]

Hi y’all! So, this isn’t gonna be my most polished post ever, nor am I sticking it in all the relevant tags, but it’s something I’d very much love to hear your thoughts on, if you have the time/interest/energy, and it’s very much okay to reblog.

Captain Philippa G/eorgiou has come to mean a lot to me over the past year and a half, and I have seen how much she meant to many other people as well. Even after she was killed off on Discovery, I harbored the wistful hope that maybe in a decade or so Michelle Y/eoh would headline her own Trek spin-off show, and we’d get to see the further adventures of this badass, inspiring, trauma-survivor, principled Asian woman captain. And then, incredibly, Michelle Y/eoh did end up headlining a Trek show...but it isn’t about Captain G/eorgiou.

So. I did cry for a couple minutes this afternoon after I heard the news. I spent the months between the trailer and the pilot of Discovery bracing myself for Captain G/eorgiou to be killed off, and, after she was killed off, I spent a year telling myself it was just a TV show and that I was an adult with an adult perspective who wasn’t going to let myself be that sad about that. But the truth is, I was sad about it. No, not as sad as I would be about [insert terrible real-world event here]; yes, it is just a TV show; and yes, it’s worth reminding myself of that. But I was--and am--sad about it.

As a character, Captain G/eorgiou was groundbreaking, and she was unusual. She was the first Asian woman captain on Star Trek, and it still breaks my heart to think about the Asian fans of Star Trek who had to see the first Asian woman captain killed off in a particularly horrible way. (Couldn’t the show have done something else? Anything else?) She was a rare portrayal of a long-term trauma survivor, someone who had come through terrible things and then built a full and happy life for herself. She was a woman of color in a position of power who was written and portrayed as a nuanced human being--professional but sarcastic, competent but fallible, tough but kind.

As someone who had spent the past few years before Discovery making my way through one crisis after another, I think the biggest reason Captain G/eorgiou ended up being so important to me was that she was an example of someone who faced terrible things, both before and on the show, and did not let them compromise her identity. She still chose to be principled and thoughtful and kind. She chose who she wanted to be.

Captain G/eorgiou meant a lot to a lot of people, and I can balance “At the end of the day, it is just a TV show, and there are thankfully other inspiring stories out there as well for us” with “Captain G/eorgiou was important to me and to other people and yes, I am sad that her character was killed off.”

There are some reasons I am happy and excited about the new S/ection 31 Michelle Y/eoh show! I think Michelle Y/eoh is a phenomenal actor, and I’m hugely excited to see her get cast in all the things. I do love spy stuff. And I’m very excited about having another Star Trek show led by a woman of color.

Also--while as a white person I am not going to have a very good sense of this, nor am I the person whose opinion is relevant--I’ve seen some commentary over the past year about how Mirror Georgiou breaks certain stereotypes for Asian women in media by being a tough/roguish/evil character. So, in that way, I’m happy that a show about Mirror Georgiou specifically may do something positive in terms of representation.

So, on one level, I am sad about the “so close and yet so far” aspect of Michelle Y/eoh headlining a Star Trek show, yet not playing the original character who was so groundbreaking and so inspiring to so many people. On another level, I can see the definite positive aspects of this show (Michelle Y/eoh, Star Trek, representation!) And finally, at the end of the day, I can remind myself that it is just a TV show, and that there will be opportunities for other creators and other franchises to tell stories about badass and complex and heroic Asian woman sci-fi characters, and trauma-survivor sci-fi characters, and female leader sci-fi characters, and I will be first in line to support those stories.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. Philippa G/eorgiou means so much to me, so I’m definitely emotional at the moment, and filled with a lot of contradictory thoughts and feelings, but hey, it’s okay to have contradictory emotions in reaction to News and Stuff Happening sometimes. And it’s okay to have feelings about Stuff Happening, as long as one doesn’t act on those feelings in a way that is harmful/annoying/etc to others, which sort of leads me to the second part of this post.

Some of y’all might remember how back in November I created the beginning materials of a fan campaign to have Captain G/eorgiou involved in the potential Michelle Y/eoh show, and then pretty quickly rolled that back up for various reasons. And yes, I am all too aware of how flaky that probably made me look.

The reasons I started the project are probably pretty obvious--in addition to believing Captain G/eorgiou means a lot to a lot of people, I hoped a project in support of a character like her would have the side benefit of encouraging people writing original fiction about characters and stories like hers. The main reasons I rolled it back up were that I was very conflicted about the potential negatives (like aggressiveness/pushiness) of fan campaigns, that there wasn’t too much enthusiasm after I posted about it, and that, on the flip side, I was worried about involving other people in a project that would potentially result in them having to deal with discourse and drama.

And, frankly, I respect Michelle Y/eoh so much as an actor that I was a little hesitant about doing anything (no matter how small the chance of said fan campaign affecting anything) to push for Trek to ask her to be part of their one specific franchise, when hopefully she is at a point in her career where she can be part of anything she wants.

But now she IS headlining a Star Trek show, and I’m, well, certainly not planning to try to work on a fan campaign again. But I am wondering again about doing some kind of fan event. Several of y’all who were enthusiastic (or enthusiastic with qualifications) about the Captain G/eorgiou project idea suggested doing an event that was more of an appreciation project than a fan campaign. Which I think is a brilliant idea...doing some kind of appreciation project for Captain G/eorgiou could be fun and interesting and make it feel like we’d done something to show our enthusiasm for the character, and demonstrate that the original G/eorgiou appearing on/having plenty of relevance to the S/ection 31 Michelle Y/eoh show would have an audience, while dodging some of the problems of a “fan campaign.” And also, of course, just be fun! :)

I think my biggest mistake from my ultimately-flaky attempt at a project this fall was going off and starting my own thing on my own and only then asking if anyone was interested, rather than asking what people thought in the first place, and listening.

So...what do you guys think? I’m leaning towards perhaps not even doing anything, honestly, and keeping it as a lowkey character-appreciation event if we do. But Captain G/eorgiou has come to mean a lot to me over the last year, and, more importantly, so has this fandom. If people are interested in some kind of event in celebration of her, I would be more than happy to help organize.

And then maybe enjoy the Mirror Georgiou show, with the knowledge that there are positive aspects to it in and of itself, and that hey, at least they didn’t make a show about this version of the character for lack of positive response to the original one. :)

Thoughts?

[starredwrites]

Fate’s Door, Chapter 12: Crash Course Magic

Masterpost/Chapter 11/Chapter 13

“Joan, I’m sorry I dragged you into this. Virgil, Logan, Patton, you too. You all could get in serious trouble for this, and it’s not fair to ask that of you. I shouldn’t have done this. If you want to leave when we get back to Archdale, that’s fine with me.” Roman lowered their head, casting a shadow across their face. Their previous princely attitude was gone, with a scared teenager in place.

Logan adjusted his glasses and gave Roman a piercing look. “There’s no way I’m leaving, Roman. This is important, and I’m not going to let that spell happen. No matter what, you’ll have me.”

The other two remained silent, their heads full of thoughts. Virgil was scared of prison or worse, and she knew that if anyone found out about her abilities, she’d never see the sun again. Yet no one would live if she didn’t use those abilities as best she could. Deep in her heart, Virgil knew that the spell was real. There was no doubt in her mind that awful things would happen after the solstice if nothing was done to stop them.

Patton had no doubt that he would stay with Roman and Logan to help, but he was at the same time not ready to. Of all three of them, he had the least helpful abilities. Sure, he could plan for a road trip, but he knew nothing of magic or storming a castle. All the same, there was no way he could stand idly by while the lives of the children at the orphanage were at stake. With what few skills he had, Patton had to help. He was the only parent those children had left.

“I’m in,” Virgil said, her voice slightly shaking. She still wasn’t quite over the interaction with the King’s Men.

“So am I.” Patton looked at Roman to see their reaction. Their soft smile was genuine.

“Oh yeah, and I’m sticking around. You all need a responsible adult. Teenagers,” Joan said, acknowledging Roman with a nod from the window. Purple streaks of sunset sped by as the train rushed onwards.

Still full of newborn courage, Virgil said, “So, Logan, does your bookstore have anything on sorcery?” She shifted in her seat towards Logan.

“Yeah,” Logan replied, “And since you’ll probably pick up the sorcery language really quickly, we can start as soon as we get there. I’d recommend you work with Patton more than me, though. I’m…”

“Blunt with little regard for emotions?” Roman offered, looking away from the window. In true theatrical fashion, they’d been pretending to be the main character in a fantasy novel, contemplating life as their surroundings rushed by.

“Yeah, basically,” Logan said, shrugging.

“Thanks Logan! I’ll do my best, but you’ll have to help me with understanding the books. Still can’t speak sorcery,” Patton said, smiling at Logan.

Logan blushed. “The language isn’t called sorcery, it’s called Eirsh. Why that is, I don’t know.”

“Guess I’ll hide then,” Roman said.

“You’ll be excellent moral support, Roman,” Logan said, “And we won’t be able to get into the castle without you. You’re not going to be completely useless.”

That night, they slept in the old seats of the train car, sometimes lying across one another just so that a leg or arm could be fully extended. After the strenuous events of the last few days, sleep was a welcome escape. That morning, Joan woke them up and got everyone out into a small town in the foothill. They somehow managed to find a kindly farmer who offered to take them along with him to Archdale. He was going to visit his wife and kids, and filled the empty silence on the way back with stories of his family.

Nonetheless, making the final leg back to Archdale was tense. Roman hid their face with a hat so that no one looking through the windows could see them, and Virgil couldn’t stop looking out the window for King’s Men or curious passerby. Logan and Patton quietly talked about teaching Virgil together, keeping their voices low so as not to make Virgil aware of their plans. After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived in Archdale

The farmer took them all to Joan’s house. Joan wished the group good luck on the rest of their adventures, then shooed the teenagers off to Logan’s place. Going on their suggestion to continue their quest at Food For The Mind, the group took advantage of the nearly deserted mid morning streets to take a quick walk over there. Virgil charged ahead of the rest of the group. There were 9 days left until the solstice, and she was going to make good use of every one.

Meanwhile, Logan thought out the logistics of staying at his bookstore. His parents were going to be back at the end of the week, which left Logan two days to figure out how to explain why he had to have three friends, none of which they’d met before, over at the bookstore for a week. He was not looking forward to that conversation, even though his plan was to tell the truth and leave it at that.

Logan tested his explanation on the two people who had been running Food For The mind in his absence. Dominic understood fairly well when he explained, and Elliot was fine with Virgil replacing them.

“I did some reading while I worked at the store. Our relationship was never what it should have been,” they said when Logan broke the news.

With that issue out of the way, the challenge at hand was running the bookstore while teaching one of its employees how to use her sorcery. Patton and Roman decided to shelve books whenever there weren’t customers, and Virgil would do her employee things whenever customers were present. Everyone was on board with the plan, and Logan managed to scrounge up enough blankets that everyone could sleep in the small apartment over the store with him. With only three people living there, it had seemed the perfect size, but the place was not meant to hold four teenagers. Logan dreaded trying to fit everyone in when his parents returned. Six people might be beyond the small loft’s capacity. But he was too tired to even think about that. That afternoon they didn’t do much more than unpack some things and kinda sorta run the bookstore. Logan closed the doors at 3.

Patton made everyone a simple dinner, and the whole group went to bed early. The trip, and the discoveries it had brought, were exhausting. Virgil was nervous about her sorcery and if it could help, Patton tried to think of nothing as he drifted off, Roman shoved aside worries of their father, and Logan went over the ethics of harboring a prince who was supposed to be in their castle. They slept.

Morning came too soon. All four set up the bookstore, then Logan went and sat at the counter and Roman, Virgil, and Patton grabbed all the books on sorcery they could find, went to the storage room, and got to work. Virgil understood Eirsh almost intuitively, and her books had a lot of information about how magic works. Roman and Patton found little, just a few paragraphs connecting magic to emotions. After going through four thick volumes and marking everything relevant, Virgil started attempting the spells described in the books.

At first, nothing much happened. Occasionally, a flicker of purple would come across Virgil’s hands, or a book would fall down. For hours, Virgil tried a simple levitation spell on a book to no avail. Patton and Roman advised Virgil as best they could, but they didn’t really know what they were doing.

“Uh, strong emotions trigger magic skills the best,” Patton said, “So maybe direct your feelings towards the book?”

Virgil obliged, concentrating on the book even more intently. She tried to focus everything she was feeling on the book while visualizing it floating an inch or two off the ground. It moved a little.

“Don’t channel all of your emotions,” Roman offered. “Since you’re a dark sorcerer, the emotions that turn on your sorcery are all negative. Fear, anger, jealousy, and guilt are listed here as being the best ones.”

This time, the book flew across the room, hit the wall, and stayed there. Virgil looked back at Roman. “Is that better?” The book fell to the ground.

“Maybe control those emotions a little better,” Roman said, “I think they got carried away from you there.”

For an hour, Virgil practiced moving the book. Her control increased, and she even managed to move it forwards and backwards a little. Patton cheered her on, and Roman pored over the books some more.

“Apparently there’s levels to sorcery, and you’re a never-ever, so according to this description you’re a level 2. ‘Few large-scale expressions of powers, just learning control of emotions and how they affect his/her sorcery.’ Sounds like you,” Roman said, turning the page of their book. “There should be little notations on the spells for what level the sorcerer has to be to do them.”

“Oh that’s not good,” Virgil said, “The little number next to the spell for destroying Solus stone is a 28. What’s the description for that?”

“‘20-30: Well-established control of powers, adept at creation spells and illusions. Dark sorcerers start to see their powers manifesting physically, and light sorcerers start to see physical changes such as an unusual radiance/glow from the skin.”

“There is no way I can get to that level in a week unless a miracle happens,” Virgil said, the book shooting up to the ceiling and leaving a dent before ricocheting and knocking Roman’s book out of their hands.

“I’m sure you can get there!” Patton said, “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“Says the person who wasn’t struggling with levitating a book,” Virgil grumbled, “Speaking of which, what’s the next level up from this spell?” She made the book do a few loops and shoot all around the room without touching anything.

“Beats me, you’re the one who can read the books with spells in them,” Roman said.

“Oh.” Virgil walked over to her books and looked for a spell that wasn’t going to destroy any property, a surprisingly difficult task. “Unless I can set something on fire, there’s nothing here that’s really helpful. Everything is just breaking things or moving something else around, which I’m pretty sure I’m already good at.”

“Can you write something with a pen without touching it?” Patton asked. He’d been curious about it ever since Virgil had started moving the book around, just because it was a really cool concept.  

Hands outstretched, Virgil concentrated on the pen Roman held to take notes with. The pen shook slightly as it rotated vertically, then moved over to a blank sheet of paper. As it touched down on the paper, Virgil’s face became more flushed. In shaky writing, she wrote her name on the paper.

“Two inch letters. Could be worse,” Roman said.

“Roman! Be nice, it’s her first try,” Patton scolded. “Virgil, keep practicing that. According to Roman’s book”-he leaned over-“you have to fully master the spells of each level before you can go to the next one.”

Logan popped his head into the room. “Lunchtime, and thanks for all the help, Virgil. Patton, Roman, I need one of you out here this afternoon. There was a teacher who needed about four class sets of different books, and I can’t do all the restocking and shuffling on my own. Virgil, keep working on leveling up your sorcery, it’s the best thing you can do right now.” He left, and after some hesitation, Patton, Roman, and Virgil followed.

“How did you know about the levels?” Roman asked Logan as they ate lunch. Today, their lunch was everything left over from the trip since Logan’s parents had a strict no-junk-food policy, and they were going to be here tomorrow. Joan had refused to take any of the food, despite Roman and Patton’s many offers.

“I did a lot of research on sorcery with Patton when we were trying to learn about the Dragon Witch,” Logan said, taking another handful of potato chips, “What level are you, Virgil?”

“Two, and it’s not looking like I’ll level up very soon. It’s really difficult.”

“I’ll help you this afternoon, since I’ve got a good deal of background knowledge on the subject,” Logan offered. “Keep practicing, you’ll get it soon.”

They ate all the food Logan’s parents would definitely not allow except for a bag of candy that Patton wanted to give to the kids at the orphanage. That afternoon, Roman and Patton switched between helping Logan with stacking books and coaching Virgil. Virgil practiced her sorcery, and improved a lot by the time the store closed. She was almost ready for level 3 spells.

For a few hours after closing, all four worked on improving Virgil’s sorcerer abilities. With everyone’s encouragement, she improved rapidly. Level 3 was mostly a continuation of Level 2, but with the introduction of small transformation spells, changing colors and the like. Much to Patton’s delight, she could color his hair rainbow, although the spell did wear off. She practiced on her hair too, turning it pink and purple, then back to the usual brownish-blond.                                                                                                            

However, Logan’s parents were exactly the sort of people who could not stand coming home to a messy apartment. The four spent most of the evening cleaning the apartment above the bookstore and organizing the storage room since Virgil had made quite a mess there while practicing, and couldn’t control her powers enough to fix things with sorcery. They had a quick dinner and went to bed.

Logan half-expected to be woken up by his parents that morning, they were never ones to leave the duties of the bookstore to their son more than necessary. No, he knew they were home when he walked down to the bookstore with Virgil and Patton to take some books out of the storage room. Roman was still upstairs, eating their breakfast.

Both of Logan’s parents were sitting at the round reading table where Patton and Logan had researched the Dragon Witch.

“Hi Dad. Hi other Dad,” Logan said, “How was your trip?”

“Pretty good,” Corbin said, “We made some awesome deals with suppliers and met some other bookstore owners.”

“It was awesome! We went to the ocean every day and got you a lot of gifts. You’ll love them, although I may need to borrow some of the books every once in a while. And we made so many new friends, I may actually need to learn to cook so we can have dinner parties and stuff,” Sloane said.

Virgil entered the room. “Oh, are these your parents?” she asked Logan.

“Yep. That’s them.”

“Who’s this?” Corbin said, looking at Logan suggestively. “Did you get a-“

“-This is Virgil, she’s the employee Dominic and I hired so we could have extra help while you were gone.”

“I see,” Sloane said, looking at his husband. “You don’t think…”

“No. Absolutely not,” Logan said, starting to turn red.

Unfortunately for Logan, Patton entered the room just then.

“And who is this?” Sloane asked. “You can’t have possibly needed two employees while we were gone.”

“Dad, Pops, this is Patton Cahen. He’s here to help out some, yes, but also for a…project.” Logan was turning even redder.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Gaines and Mr. Gaines,” Patton said, extending a hand to shake.

“Oh, call me Sloane, and thank you for being so polite!” Sloane winked at Logan over Patton’s shoulder as they shook hands.

Corbin gave Sloane the look of “don’t torture our kid anymore.”

“Sorry about my parents, guys,” Logan said, fidgeting with his glasses. “They’re kind of embarrassing.”

“They’re alright,” Virgil said. Patton nodded in agreement.

Logan cleared his throat. “Patton, Virgil, could you leave me and my parents alone for a little bit? I have to explain some…things.”

Once the two had left the room, Corbin and Sloane’s expressions shifted to seriousness. “We know that you can’t have two people over for normal bookstore operations. What’s happening, Logan?” Corbin asked his son. “We do trust you, but there are certain limits, and I’m worried that you may have crossed some of those while your father and I were away.”

It was impossible for Logan to ignore the sense of being on trial. “There’s this…prophecy of sorts that Virgil knew about for some reason. She is an employee here, and on her first day here I showed her around and everything. At the end of the day, she left this letter with the spell on it, and a credible story about how that came about, and that she couldn’t help. I knew I had to do something about it, but there was going to be too much to sort through on my own. So I asked Patton-he comes in a lot during my shift-to help me, and he did. Little did I know that she also looked for help. I guess eventually she realized that she had to help too, so she somehow found the prince, Roman, and got hi-them to help as well. Her and the prince came up with a plan that was a hundred times better than what Patton and I had. We...ran into each other and carried out that plan they had, as a larger group. To stop the curse, we thought that a magical artifact could break the spellcaster out, so we travelled to a few places with Joan-he’s a friend of Thomas’s? You know, the travelling actor who came in one afternoon and had tea with you guys?”

“I remember him,” Sloane said, “Go on, I’m curious to see how you all got here.”

“Well, along the way we found out that Virgil’s a dark sorcerer, which was a surprise for her too. We didn’t find any magical artifacts, so we came back here and decided training her was the best course of action to break the curse. Now we’re all running the bookstore and learning more about sorcery. I didn’t touch your personal collections, though. You know what? I’m going to give you my file on the curse and sorcery so I don’t have to explain this whole thing to you.” Logan made a hasty exit.

“Do you think our son’s under some sort of magical influence?” Corbin asked Sloane.

“Yeah, there is no way he would normally do any of that. He’d rather observe that spell than go out and stop it,” Sloan replied. “Maybe he’s growing out of that, but it doesn’t seem likely. Especially not over two weeks.”

Logan re-entered. “Here.” He plunked the folder on the table, then disappeared into the apartment to warn Roman of his parents.

Roman was making their way through a bowl of oatmeal when Logan burst into the apartment. “My parents are here. You need to work some serious royal convincing skills to make them actually consider letting you stay here because they are not fans of just letting anyone stay here. The chores are brutal,” Logan said.

“Oh”-Roman yawned-“ok. I just woke up, but ok. I’ll go down there after I get dressed.”

“Alright,” Logan said, “Just hurry up. They’re probably going to be more mad the longer I wait to tell them that the missing prince is staying here.”

Fortunately for Logan, Roman’s princely charm worked amazingly on Sloane and Corbin. Before lunchtime, Corbin and Sloane were absolutely delighted with their new houseguest and excited to help the whole crew with their quest. Logan was unnerved.

“My parents like you more than they like me,”he told Roman when the dads left the room to get some books.

“What can I say, I’m likeable,”Roman said with a slight smile. They tapped their fingers on the table. It was not the first nervous tic of the prince’s that Logan had noticed.

Sloane and Corbin delegated the task of running the bookstore to Logan and Patton for the day. The couple supervised Virgil’s practicing sorcery while chatting with Roman. The books in their private collection were almost all sorcery-based, and they had a lot of background knowledge on the art of sorcery. Virgil flourished under their trainings, rising to level ten. Roman enjoyed talking to them, especially about politics. They understood their predicament, somehow, and helped them begin to formulate a plan about overthrowing his father if the incantation was stopped.

Every day, Virgil’s sorcery abilities improved infinitesimally. Well, actually they improved exponentially, but I had to roast Logan at least once here. Under the mentorship of Logan’s dads, she expanded her power so much that it was hard to believe the things she could accomplish.

Roman was proud of her. From just reading the books on sorcery, they knew that it was extremely difficult. Virgil progressing like this was a product of her hard work and dedication, quite a change from the girl who was so afraid of doing something about the prophecy that she handed a note to a stranger.  

But as they thought about Virgil’s progression through the levels, Roman had the sinking feeling that, no matter how hard Virgil worked, she was not going to be at the level she needed to be by the end of this week. And under pressure, they had no idea how she’d do. Knowing Virgil’s tendency to think the worst, and overthink it, she would probably do worse with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

That meant that the kingdom needed a backup plan. Roman knew that with their power and status, there was no one better to put in as a backup. But, oh, the stakes! They would have to give so much up-was it even worth it?

Yes. Yes. For the kingdom, for their friends. There was no other way. Roman took the red scarf out of their bag and put it around their neck. What better way to continue his mother’s legacy than sacrifice?

It didn’t take long to write down a few things on a stray piece of paper, to remember just in case. Then, they went back to alphabetizing the new fiction books.

Virgil burst through the door to the back room, startling Roman. “So, I went to my house early this morning to look for some...stuff and I found that there was a backside to the prophecy. Basically, this”-she gestured at the general area-“was all prophesied.” She waved a scribbled-on receipt in their face. Roman read it.

“So this was all predicted. The four of us. Interesting, but makes sense. I haven’t felt particularly in control of my actions during this journey,” Roman said, “Have you...felt like that at all?”

“Yeah, some. It was weird how quickly I switched from not wanting anything to do with the prophecy to throwing my all into stopping it. Also, Logan doesn’t seem like quite the type for this. He’s too absorbed in his books. Patton, maybe. But even so, with how much he loves the kids at the orphanage, it doesn’t make sense that he left them at the drop of a hat,” Virgil said. “Maybe we’ll actually stop the prophecy. I need to tell Patton!”

She left the room, and Roman went back to sorting. Yes, they would stop the prophecy. Roman was sure of that much.

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