#so it's not necessarily lying. they just literally cannot remember any of the other times they were hurt. yk??

[starheirxero]

Sooo, I thought about Lunar going He only hit me once about Eclipse, and stumbled across this really cool tumblr Blog talking about it

https://www.tumblr.com/annakenziesworld/750845019184922624/eclipse-only-ever-really-hit-me-once?source=share

I wanted to show you the angst, like a puppy shows it's owner a cool stick it found

Me to Lunar: Why the fuck you lying, WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING🎶

YEYSYESYYES I SAW THAT !!!! I've been thinking abt it sm since I saw it actually bc, while it was likely just a case of "it happened so long ago we forgor what happened", it can 100% be interpreted as Lunar repressing most of the memories from that time and only remembering the most "major" event and it's so fascinating to me! Bc like, I've thought it was weird they said he only hit them once too, bc I've always distinctly remembered Lunar telling Moon that Eclipse hit him twice!!

But as the clips show, honestly, it's a good bit over twice!! It's just probably likely that Lunar didn't clock it as anything notable or important because Eclipse just... kinda always treated them like that. They remembered the two hardest hits because those were particularly upsetting, but everything else just blended into the mix of "shitty ways Eclipse treats me." yk??? And then over time, more shit got repressed or forgotten, and they can only remember the day in the cafe.

Like again I know it's very likely entirely accidental, but it ended up being a pretty solid way to show memory issues via trauma! And that's not even accounting for the fact that depression (and their retconned ADHD 😔) can also cause memory problems!! So this little blunder can be attributed to their fucked up mental health in-universe which is both cool rep!! but also breaks my heart over Lunar so much BSJABSJS

[sweetandspicy]

Sorry this is a long post, I had to rant a bit.

The thing that bothers me the most about the ACOTAR series is the fae. I love fae, I love stories with fae in them, there are so many interesting things you can do with them. So many ways you can make them unique and yet still retain the basis of what fae are. And yet Sarah J Maas just... doesn't.

SJM really just took everything interesting about the fae and threw it in the bin. The fae to me have always been fantastical, "other", they just don't feel human, they feel different, they feel strange. But ACOTAR's fae are just so bland and boring. They don't feel different to the humans. In fact they feel like humans but with magic and pointy ears. It genuinely pains me how SJM threw everything interesting about the fae away.

I personally love the concept of the fae not being able to lie. There is so much fun and interest in that concept. It is something that is challenging to navigate. Every fae character cannot directly tell a lie therefore you have to get creative with what they say, you have to twist words around so that they can lie without actually lying.

That idea is initially presented to us but Feyre learns pretty early on that that isn't true. That the fae in ACOTAR can lie. Even if SJM wanted to take away the concept that fae can't lie, she didn't even play around with Feyre's misconception about them. Feyre could've gone through part of the first book believing everything that the fae said to her to be true. To me, that sounds like an interesting concept and i would've loved to read about it. I can't remember exactly how quickly Feyre is told the fae can lie but it's not even slightly an issue.

Another thing about the fae is that they're mischievous. They love playing tricks, whether it's something mild or completely cruel. But ACOTAR's characters lack that mischievousness, the cunning. They aren't tricksters like fae usually are. Correct me if I'm wrong but I can't seem to remember a time when someone attempted to trick Feyre. Amarantha made a deal with Feyre, but it was straightforward, there was no trick to it. Rhysand didn't trick her into the bargain either. It would've been interesting to see the fae attempting to trick Feyre, to get her to enter into a bargain that seems good but they worded it in a way that it is actually bad.

Instead the ACOTAR characters, specifically the males, are all presented as your typical "alpha male". Rhysand is presented to us as cunning but to me he doesn't feel like that of a cunning fae but a cunning human. Tamlin can literally shapeshift and yet SJM doesn't do anything of interest with that. Luicen was slightly mischievous in Book 1 but even then it is how you expect any normal character to be, he does not play tricks like that of the fae. I might be nitpicking with these but i truly wish we had gotten more trickster like characters.

As much as everyone likes to hate on Book 1, there were interesting fae in that book. The Bogge, the Naga, the Puca (I suppose this one did trick Feyre), the Suriel. Alis was interesting, she was described as having bark like skin. I want more diversity in the characters looks. Our main cast and most of the major side characters all look normal, human but with pointy ears or wings.

Their appearance isn't necessarily the issue. It's the fact that the fae are meant to be seen as difderent to the humans and yet they barely are.

So many interesting things about the Fae, from their behaviour to their culture and magic and rituals, all the funky little things humans do to ward off or stop the fae, down the drain. And if I'm being completely honest, I believe SJM isn't a competent enough writer to pull off the complexities that make the fae, fae. It feels almost disrespectful to call these characters fae.

(I am no expert in fae mythology. But from all that I've seen and read, these characters just aren't it.)

[spice-honey]

The Fanfic Editing Process

Hello everyone! Today I've decided to share a few tips on editing your chapters, for anyone who is new to writing or would like to improve their writing. Editing is a skill in itself. For me, it takes longer than writing the actual damn chapter. I think good editing takes stories to the next level and it's worth taking a moment to do it, instead of just eagerly hit the 'Post' button

First, what is editing? You assess the text for grammar, spelling, sentence and detail clarity along with plot development. Editing is often rewriting, moving paragraphs around, switching scene orders, adding or deleting characters, and changing POVs (if applicable). It requires a lot of "rounds" before it's ready. Each step below is a round in itself. Remember: you cannot edit a blank page. If you hate your writing, remind yourself this is your first draft - you will edit it later to make it better or different. But you have to write it first.

I use google docs. You can easily share it with your betas/friends, and keep track of suggestions and modifications they make. They can leave comments on specific passages and words, to which you can also reply. Google docs also has a chat function to edit and discuss live.

Google docs has spelling and grammar check (it's under Tools) that will scan the document below where your cursor is. So if you just want to spell check past chapter 7, go to chapter 7 and use the tool. It will skip anything before it. If you want to do the entire document, start up top.

Crtl + F and look for the specific words that are commonly overused such as that, really, very, just, then, literally, thing and dialogue tags. You don't have to write them out entirely, but if you used 'that' 7 times in a paragraph, you might want to rework some sentences to 5 take out. Readers get tired of repetitive words. You also don't have to banish every single dialogue tag, but when it's a conversation between 2 people you should use them to indicate tone or action. 'Said' is not necessarily dead, but you can omit it 95% of the time

Avoid long sentences. Run-on sentences are okay if grammatically correct, but stick to one idea per sentence otherwise it can be tiring to read.

Adverbs ending in -ly. 'She runs quickly' can be 'she sprints'. 'He walks quietly' can be ' He creeps'. Choose descriptive verbs if you can.

Pay attention to verb tenses. If you are writing in the present tense make sure you don't slip into past tense when it is not appropriate and vice versa.

In your own notes write scene summaries explaining to yourself why this scene is necessary (I use bullet points in the comments). What information or situation is being presented in each passage that is important to the plot in the long run. It helps you to keep tabs on your outline (if you have one). It's okay to just have scenes that don't actually add anything to the story other than the joy of reading them whatever they may be. But if you are struggling with your plot, make sure your story doesn't have a lot of those.

Italics. Depends on your formatting, of course, but if it is to bring emphasis on a single word, my personal rule is to do it once per page. When I copy and paste my chapters into Ffnet/Ao3 it comes without any formatting (bold, italic) so I have to add them back in manually on my final read-through. Surprisingly, I end up adding a lot fewer italics in the final edit than in the original script

The Final Read-through: it is done in your browser, at the document editor of ffnet/ao3. You will catch a lot more errors/weird sentences there despite having it read 100 times on google docs. Your brain just gets used to - visually - to the text and it will skip words as you re-read without you noticing. Having a different font and background will make your brain read it as if it's the first time. I tried tricking myself on google docs by changing font and colour but I didn't find it super effective (it may work for you, I don't know). Grammarly is also good to use here. I disable it on google docs because it slows down my browser. I like it mostly for punctuation.

Read it out loud. Yes, you'll have to disable the cringe factor but you will catch so many clunky sentences and missing words. Make sure narration sounds like narration and dialogue sounds like dialogue. I usually do Step 10 and 11 at the same time.

Any questions, my Asks are open! And if you have tips you'd like to share I'd LOVE to hear it.

Happy editing!

[filthyjanuary]

so what are your thoughts

ok well i'm going to try to articulate them as best i can even though they're very convoluted and mixed. if you follow me you know i'm very new to mcyt/dsmp and only got into it oct 2021 so like obviously i dont have the hindsight of someone who has been following all of this for 2 years but i want to start off by saying i empathize with dream a lot. i do. i think it is hugely admirable to grow out of a bigoted situation and better yourself and i don't think people holding what he's done as a teenager against him are being fair. everyone is stupid and makes mistakes as a teenager, society evolves and so do people, and i think there's plenty to talk about without acting like people are irredeemable and incapable of growth and change. if you are a teenager i want you to know that as wise and smart and progressive as you think you are now, you're going to look back on stuff you're doing in 5 years and cringe and be angry and think 'wow how did i ever do that?'

i also understand that he has had a massive amount of growth in a very short amount of time and is dealing with things in the public eye and with a huge spotlight on him that are frankly impossible for nearly anyone to comprehend. there is not really a playbook for blowing up this fast and trying to navigate that and all things considered yes he's an adult but he's still pretty young and this is not anything anyone could've possibly prepared for and especially wrt his sexuality i can't even imagine how much it sucks to have people constantly putting words in your mouth or trying to make you label yourself in a way you don't want to especially if you're still trying to figure yourself out.

ALL THAT BEING SAID, i think my big thought is dream doesn't actually seem to grasp the crux of the issue? or at least what my personal issue is which is when you wield the influence he does, you have to be responsible with it and that means you cannot just go around on the internet acting like any other person. it doesn't matter what the other person said. someone with 5 mil twitter followers responding to someone with 5 followers is not a fair fight. it doesn't matter WHAT dream responded with, the fact that he did it directly at all puts targets on people's backs and he doesn't seem to grasp that at all and i find that concerning. especially when the people getting targeted are teenagers who don't fully have the capacity to deal with that or are aware of the implications of their own words. no one is saying he needs to take it lying down or not defend himself but there are ways to do that that don't endanger people.

and to anyone saying "well if you post publicly be ready to stand by your words", you are kind of deliberately erasing the role social media has in our society at large now. twitter is basically the public square, like it or not. if you comment on something happening in the public eye in the public square, you are not necessarily expecting the person you're talking about to respond to you directly. if i write a letter to a newspaper commenting on some celebrity scandal, i am not expecting said celebrity to actually respond even if it was published. nor should they. that would be literally insane. people talk about things on twitter because that's largely where a lot of communication happens at large in 2022, and you shouldn't need a private account to be able to talk about things going on in the public eye. the people who are IN THE PUBLIC EYE should know when and how to respond to things. it's not dehumanizing to say that your influence comes with obligations that other people don't have to deal with.

hell, this is obviously on a much smaller scale but i remember one time on twitter i defended aidan gallagher of all people. not because i care about him one way or another, but because people on the internet were bullying him and being too harsh on him considering he was a teenager and still learning and growing. that's all i said. that we shouldnt hold teenagers to the same standard we hold adults to because that isn't fair. and i got a metric fuckton of people including other teenagers calling me transphobic. which i know is blatantly not true. i didn't respond to any of those comments because i knew it wasn't fair for me, a grown adult woman with a blue checkmark to be arguing with a bunch of kids on twitter even if they were wrong. it's not a fair fight. i know i'm not transphobic and so does anyone who is important to me. why would i waste my breathe arguing with people who've made up their minds and are determined to find the most bad faith interpretation of my words?

the other thing is, i understand that dream wasn't condoning doxxing but his attempt at "reassuring" people also completes avoids the crux of the issue which is doxxing is inherently a fear tactic. it doesn't matter how many followers you have or if it's actually going to result in a threat. doxxers do what they do to scare people into silence. it is not reassuring to say "well if you have 5 followers no one who doxxes you is actually going to put you at risk because no one cares enough to put you in danger" because that's not the point? the point is it is a threat that hangs over your head and scares you.

dream is never going to convince people who hate him to change their minds and i think he needs to grasp that sometimes the best thing he can do is just to be quiet. people are always going to misconstrue you when you're in the public eye. you don't need to engage with every single bad faith interpretation of your words because it dilutes when things actually do need to be addressed. people who do support you will continue to do so unless you give them a legitimately awful reason not to. a pr person would help with that and i genuinely find it off the walls bonkers insane that he thinks having someone help him with that kind of thing would render him "corporate" or "inauthentic."

apologies if this is long and not clear, i did my best but i'm still a bit sick and sleep deprived. happy to elaborate on any points. i find myself very in the middle on how i feel about this and frankly am still sorting out my own thoughts so talking about it helps actually. but i think those are my two biggest takeways at the moment. i want dream to succeed. i want him to be better. i think people on here have a tendency to either baby him to the extreme or think the worst of him and i don't think either of those does anyone any good.

[mugasofer]

It seems like many, perhaps most, people historically believed in some immanent apocalypse.

Many philosophies claim that the world is passing into a degenerate age of chaos (Ages of Man, Kali Yuga, life-cycle of civilisation), or divine conflict will shortly spill over & destroy the Earth (Ragnorok, Revelations, Zoroastrian Frashokereti), or that the natural forces sustaining us must be transient.

Yet few panic or do anything. What anyone does "do about it" is often symbolic & self-admittedly unlikely to do much.

Maybe humans evolved not to care, to avoid being manipulated?

Many cults make similar claims, and do uproot their lives around them. Even very rarely committing mass suicide or terror attacks etc on occasion. But cults exist that don't make such claims, so it may not be the mechanism they use to control, or at most a minor one. "This is about the fate of the whole world, nothing can be more important than that, so shut up" may work as as a thought terminating cliche, but it doesn't seem to work that strongly, and there are many at least equally effective ones.

Some large scale orgs do exist that seem to take their eschatology "seriously". The Aztecs committed atrocities trying to hold off apocalypse, ISIS trying to cause it. Arguably some Communist or even fascist groups count, depending on your definition of apocalypse.

But even then, one can argue their actions are not radically different from non-apocalypse-motivated ones - e.g. the Aztecs mass-executed less per capita than the UK did at times & some historians view them as more about displaying authority.

I'm thinking about this because of two secular eschatologies - climate apocalypse and the Singularity.

My view on climate change, which as far as I can tell is the scientific consensus, is that it is real and bad but by no means apocalyptic. We're talking incremental increases in storms, droughts, floods etc, all of which are terrible, but none of which remotely threaten human civilisation. E.g. according to the first Google result, the sea is set to rise by 1 decimeter by 2100 in a "high emissions scenario", not to rise by tens or hundreds of meters and consume all coastal nations as I was taught as a child. Some more drastic projections suggest that the sea might rise by as much as two or three meters in the worst case scenario.

It really creeps me out when I hear people who confess to believe that human civilisation, the human species, or even all life on Earth is most likely going to be destroyed soon by climate change. The most recent example, which prompted this post, was the Call of Cthulhu podcast I was listening to casually suggesting that it might be a good idea to summon an Elder God of ice and snow to combat climate change as the "lesser existential risk", perhaps by sacrificing "climate skeptics" to it. It's incredibly jarring for me to realise that the guys I've been listening to casually chatting about RPGs think they live in a world that will shortly be ended by the greed of it's rulers. But this idea is everywhere. Discussions of existential risks from e.g. pandemics inevitably attract people arguing that the real existential risk is climate change. A major anti-global-warming protest movement, Extinction Rebellion, is literally named after the idea that they're fighting against their own extinction. Viral Tumblr posts talk about how the fear of knowing that the world is probably going to be destroyed soon by climate change and fascism is crippling their mental health, and they have no idea how to deal with it because it's all so real.

But it's not. It's not real.

Well, I can't claim that political science is accurate enough for me to definitively say that fascism isn't going to take over, but I can say that climate science is fairly accurate and it predicts that the world is definitely not about to end in fire or in flood.

(There are valid arguments that climate change or other environmental issues might precipitate wars, which could turn apocalyptic due to nuclear weapons; or that we might potentially encounter a black swan event due to our poor understanding of the ecosystem and climate-feedback systems. But these are very different, as they're self-admittedly "just" small risks to the world.)

And I get the impression that a lot of people with more realistic views about climate change deliberately pander to this, deliberately encouraging people to believe that they're going to die because it puts them on the "right side of the issue". The MCU's Loki, for instance, recently casually brought up a "climate apocalypse" in 2050, which many viewers took as meaning the world ending. Technically, the show uses a broad definition of "apocalypse" - Pompeii is given as another example - and it kind of seems like maybe all they meant was natural disasters encouraged by climate change, totally defensible. But I still felt kinda mad about it, that they're deliberately pandering to an idea which they hopefully know is false and which is causing incredible anxiety in people. I remember when Greta Thurnberg was a big deal, I read through her speeches to Extinction Rebellion, and if you parsed them closely it seemed like she actually did have a somewhat realistic understanding of what climate change is. But she would never come out and say it, it was all vague implications of doom, which she was happily giving to a rally called "Extinction Rebellion" filled with speakers who were explicitly stating, not just coyly implying, that this was a fight for humanity's survival against all the great powers of the world.

But maybe there's nothing wrong with that. I despise lying, but as I've been rambling about, this is a very common lie that most people somehow seem unaffected by. Maybe the viral tumblr posts are wrong about the source of their anxiety; maybe it's internal/neurochemical and they world just have picked some other topic to project their anxieties on if this particular apocalypse wasn't available. Maybe this isn't a particularly harmful lie, and it's hypocritical of me to be shocked by those who believe it.

Incidentally, I believe the world is probably going to end within the next fifty years.

Intellectually, I find the arguments that superhuman AI will destroy the world pretty undeniable. Sure, forecasting the path of future technology is inherently unreliable. But the existence of human brains, some of which are quite smart, proves pretty conclusively it's possible to get lumps of matter to think - and human brains are designed to run on the tiny amounts of energy they can get by scavenging plants and the occasional scraps of meat in the wilderness as fuel, with chemical signals that propagate at around the speed of sound (much slower than electronic ones), with only the data they can get from input devices they carry around with them, and which break down irrevocably after a few decades. And while we cannot necessarily extrapolate from the history of progress in both computer hardware and AI, that progress is incredibly impressive, and there's no particular reason to believe it will fortuitously stop right before we manufacture enough rope to hang ourselves.

Right now, at time of writing, we have neural nets that can write basic code, appear to scale linearly in effectiveness with the available hardware with no signs that we're reaching their limit, and have not yet been applied at the current limits of available hardware let alone what will be available in a few years. They absorb information like a sponge at a vastly superhuman speed and scale, allowing them to be trained in days or hours rather than the years or decades humans require. They are already human-level or massively superhuman at many tasks, and are capable of many things I would have confidently told you a few years ago were probably impossible without human-level intelligence, like the crazy shit AI dungeon is capable of. People are actively working on scaling them up so that they can work on and improve the sort of code they are made from. And we have no ability to tell what they're thinking or control them without a ton of trial and error.

If you follow this blog, you're probably familiar with all the above arguments for why we're probably very close to getting clobbered by superhuman AI, and many more, as well as all the standard counter-arguments and the counter-arguments to those counter arguments.

(Note: I do take some comfort in God, but even if my faith were so rock solid that I would cheerfully bet the world on it - which it's not - there's no real reason why our purpose in God's plan couldn't be to destroy ourselves or be destroyed as an object lesson to some other, more important civilization. There's ample precedent.)

Here's the thing: I'm not doing anything about it, unless you count occasionally, casually talking about it with people online. I'm not even donating to help any of the terrifyingly-few people who are trying to do something about it. Part of why I'm not contributing is, frankly, I don't have a clue what to do, nor do I have much confidence in any of the stuff people are currently doing (although I bloody well hope some of it works.)

And yet I don't actually feel that scared.

I feel more of a visceral chill reading about the nuclear close calls that almost destroyed the world in the recent past than thinking about the stuff that has a serious chance of doing so in a few decades. I'm a neurotic mess, and yet what is objectively the most terrifying thing on my radar does not actually seem to contribute to my neurosis.

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD 

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling. 

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really). 

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old. 

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest.  the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too. 

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far 

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

[tetsustation]

APPRECIATION POST !!

in another words, lina loves her friends a little too much & doesn’t necessarily know the right means of expressing it </3

cass [ @misutv ] — uh im in a sappy mood so if you’re not rockin with the sap please scroll! epic, okay. hi... lol hey. thanks for pushing me to do this. now i know you know that i love you, with my chest! from when we first started talking to all these months later, that feeling hasn’t changed (even though you took two months ALLEGEDLY to warm up). i think our friendship is unique in the sense that i really never expect anything from you, when we’re on the phone or texting it feels natural and when i think of you my first thought is that i want whats best for you. isn’t that crazy? i don’t think i say it enough, but i care a lot about you—about all of you, whatever your feeling at any given moment or whatever project you chose to pursue at the time just know i’m there to back it and never expect anything from you, besides just that—you. i hope this is making some sense, knowing me this might be a bit of a mess, a ramble even. still, i think your exceptional—inside out, i’m really glad to be your best friend even if its just through some silly little app. i appreciate everything you do for me, even if i’m shit at saying so, because its baffling that you feel so inclined to dedicate some time in your day to me—i could melt i think. fair warning, i’m gonna crush your lungs at the airport. all my love loser >:)

hesther [ @hesthermay ] — how many months has it been now? hesther, you are such a solid constant in my life and i literally cannot thank you enough. from our strangely comparative music taste to the oldest sister bonding, i really feel like your the one person i can really resonate with that i haven’t met in person (yet). even if it’s weird to say, i love reading your marvel drabbles and personal pieces because it’s oddly intimate in personal in a way that implies a lot of trust. i know i can rely on you if i need anything, and vice versa. every week i pull you into my world, and the next week you pull me into yours—it’s an entertaining constant that remains me i’m not alone in my silly little struggles. i’m really glad i met you, and i’m so grateful i get to call you my friends (and i get butterflies when you call me butterfly). not to be gross but please don’t stop being you, it makes me smile, thanks hes <3 love you. 

selene [ @hajigumi ] — hey whore (lovingly). we’re coming onto two months now and it doesn’t really feel like it but i guess i’ll take it. honestly, it feels like we’ve known each other for a really long time—maybe its the same timezone thing but you just feel so familiar. i get a little skippy when you tell me that i’m stuck with you because i really love being your friend, its such a comforting experience and i’ve grown such a fondness for you i don’t think will fade. you suck, frankly, for being so welcoming. i love hearing about your day, boring or not—and i’m grateful your always willing to be about mine. despite what anyone says, your a great cat mom and an even better friend... giggles... love you mwah.  

ly [ @kyotarou ] — i almost typed out the govt name help... babe i love you so much. it’s impressive how you put your heart into everything you do, and it’s really shocking to me when you yourself don’t realize just how much of yourself you put into the things you do. just today when you were making those little polaroids, the dedication that you had to finish them and package them all pretty was truly heartwarming. that, among many other things—including your work which is always quality despite the seemingly mass production of it. i know your younger than me, but i aspire to be like you in that respect. your wit never ceases to amaze me and i think you were one of the first people i felt comfortable thirsting with because our taste is so similar (daishou fucker solidarity i think). i have such a strong appreciation for you as a friend and i hope it stays like that for a long time. 

angela [ @oikirstein ] — i think i’m gonna take a step in the right direction and try to be civil (kidding) but bestie when you’re sending audio messages of you scream sobbing about manhwa i can’t help but giggle. something that drew me into you was your humor, because honestly, i couldn’t help but feel really comfortable with you? even one on one, its just easy to talk with you because theres always so much on your mind—so much so that it’d be impossible to be bored. NO YOU KNOW WHAT SIDETRACKING BECAUSE YOU JUST CALLED ME THE EVIL TWIN UM. angela please never change, i don’t think i could bare it. i tolerate (love) you... ig....stay swag. 

violetta [ @hikariakaashi ] — once again i am tempted to pull out the govt name HELP. that’s just how comfortable we are with each other, i think. you were one of the first people to interact with me on hq tumblr, so far back that you probably remember my red/black alyssa layout lol—but thats really shocking to me because our friendship has grown so much sense then. it makes me giggle to think that i can just text you about stupid stuff and you’d tolerate it. you’re another person i feel as though i know in real life, its just so easy talking to each other, and my only hope is that we get even closer. mwah mwah!

rissie [ @levbug ] —rissie rissie rissie! i don’t care how much we slander and tease you, i love you to bits. please because you’re so funny and easy to talk to i feel like we’re besties. i could listen to you ramble for like an hour i just wanna hug you bae, thank you for being the only armin lover in the room—it makes me feel very seen. we gotta stick together >:)

rheya [ @diorpieck ] — hey rheya twirls hair...i really have a lot to thank you for because without hq radio i wouldn’t have met over half the people on this list and it baffles me how close we’ve become since. you are such a natural leader and i feel so honored i get to talk to you (the fact that you handle me is just as surprising). thanks for looking out for me and everyone else, because i don’t think we’d be where we are without you. thank you :>

jade [ @iwaizoom ] — jade i honestly do not know how to say this but apparently i’ve followed you since like last july (this is news to me too) and i’ll spare you the speech—but in short there was some fan behavior. i truly love talking to you, its so smooth and your energy is beyond welcoming. laughing at stupid shit with you makes me giggle like crazy and i’m so glad i get to call you a friend. stay in school mwah!

issy [ @cafemiya ] — hey pissie <3 i don’t know what it is but your presence is so comforting i love just talking to you, being around you, interacting—it feels like spring if that makes sense. you’ve written a lot of my comfort fics on this hellsite and for that i am permanently indebted to you. please consider this the start of my reparations and just know your existence in and of itself makes me all bubbly (lovingly) KISS! 

nayru [ @luvoratomi ] — i feel like we’ve known each other forever even though it’s only been a few months. still, you’re so consistent which is something i really admire about you, your messages to ask me about my day or hanging out in the discord is so grounding because i know i can count on you—which sounds silly but just know despite the teasing i love you a lot <3

cal [ @lovekags ] — don’t tell anyone but you’re my favorite epic gamer cal, i know we just started getting close but you’re so incredibly cool and talking to you feels so natural! your raw skill in so many different areas is baffling to me and makes me all blushy lol, thanks for rockin with me and i can’t wait to see how that powerpoint turns out >:)!!  

[theyarebothgunshot]

(1) anon again! thanks a lot for your answer. :) multi-ask incoming! i suppose i took his tone of 'and there are people who think this is real' as a pretty forward implication of it... well, not being real. this, and the explanation of the clothes. (if you find the receipts, i'd love to see them! it's very cute either way.) i suppose you are entirely right about the fact that they have pointedly never denied this outright, but i also feel like that's some classic trolling by misha? (...)

this got kind of long so i am putting the rest of your asks and my answers under the cut! 

(2) like sooo many people i see in this fandom, i have never shipped rpf - and honestly, with cockles, still don't? i just watch some of their interactions and my brain goes ding-ding-ding-ding and i go - what? what is it??? and i can't figure out if i am projecting or seeing things i WANT to see. equally... they are real people and i don't want to be a creep about this. my problem with a lot that i've seen is that some gifs take interactions out of context (...)

(3) i would say probably the biggest problem i have with it is that while some things i genuinely cannot find a het/platonic explanation for, but there are a lot of gifs which have slowed down movements/cherry-picked moments/taken things out of contexts, and feels less flirty when you watch the actual full video(s). so what, out of all this, would you say is the most damning evidence that cockles is an Actual True thing, if you had to pick some select things? :)

(4) okay, last ask! sorry for rambling. on your point of waking up together - i'm not sure of the context, and i don't want to speculate too much on information that we don't have, but if they are staying at a hotel in a city abroad/elsewhere, i figure it wouldn't be too far-fetched for them to share a room with cast mates? so waking up together doesn't necessarily have Those implications? i don't know. thanks for bearing with me!

so first things first: i kind of feel like in the end, if you have seen and read everything there is to see and read when it comes to cockles, and still are not sure about any of it or are inclined to think that it’s not something more than a close friendship, then i’m probably not going to be able to ‘sway’ you. sometimes it is just a matter of difference of perspectives, and that’s fine! however, seeing as you asked this in a way that makes it clear that you are genuinely curious, i obviously will respond. 

you are right that what misha said could be implying that it’s not real, but then again: he never outright denied it. neither of them have. i think that a lot of the time misha is very tongue in cheek about it. that doesn’t mean that it’s not real, though. 

i understand never shipping real people, and not wanting to feel like a creep. the thing is though: this goes for about 90% of the cockles fandom, too. most of us never shipped irl people before, and we certainly don’t wanna be creeps about it. being creeps about it would be going up to jensen and misha or their loved ones and confronting them with anything cockles related. but the decent people in this corner of the fandom know not to do that, and we merely talk about it with each other online. i personally don’t feel like a creep (not saying that you are implying this btw!) for observing what they put in front of us, time and time again, which they do with the full knowledge that people do in fact ship them.

i see what you mean about some things getting taken out of context, and i’ve seen that too. i agree with you that sometimes people can read into things a bit too much. as to the slowed down gifs, for me personally the faster versions don’t take away what i see in those gifs: it’s intimate body language, whatever way i look at it. 

you asked me to pick some moments or facts that make me think that they are actually together, and honestly that is very hard to do. for me, what it comes down to is that, if you take any of these things as a standalone fact, you might be able to explain it away. but when you combine all of it together - and trust me, it’s a lot. just ask my best friend who has had to listen to me talk about them for two full nights - i can’t see the picture that it paints as anything other than: they have (or at the very least have had in the past) an intimate relationship with each other. 

that being said, these are the things that stand out the most for me: 

the way they look at each other, but especially the way jensen looks at misha at any given time. that is the look of a man who adores the person he is looking at. the way that nobody else can make him laugh like misha, for the stupidest fucking shit. when they think about each other/talk about each other, they get this soft look on their faces that honestly is nothing like how i talk about any of my close friends. i once saw a comparison vid of jensen talking about danneel and jensen talking about misha and he had the same look on his face. the fact that jensen flirted with danneel by making her laugh on set, making kissy faces, which is something that he also did with misha. the fact that jensen gave him his ring. i literally for the life of me cannot think of a platonic reasoning for this. 

the fact that they remembered and went back to a restaurant they were at 10 years ago, sat at the exact same table, and took selfies both of those times, and then posted it at a random date as a throwback to ‘10 years ago’ even though at the moment the first picture was taken, they had already known each other for a year and a half. so clearly, that night was special for them. special enough to remember the exact same table, special enough that they felt the need to go back there, and to share it with us. the background of those pictures is the same background as the picture jensen posted of him and danneel on their first holiday together. clearly both of those occasions were very important to him. important enough to post about. 

something that i know might seem kinda shady and not totally trustworthy, is the fact that i’ve seen multiple people mention that they have information that they would never share online (because they don’t want to put jensen and misha in a compromising position) but the information in question confirmed it for them. obviously people could be lying or could be jumping to conclusions, without said information we can never know for sure, but i can’t help but feel like there probably is a truth to it. 

and i know this is a very recent one, but: ‘mish. dee.’ the two most important people in his life, who i am sure he would have addressed as mish & dee if he could have. obviously i could mention a lot more things, but i think these are some of the things that stand out to me the most. 

as for the hotel situation at cons: i honestly have no clue, but i kind of feel like they are big enough stars to have their own hotel rooms. but like i said, i do not know at all. i guess it’s possible that they have to share. who knows! 

sorry this got so long lmao but i hope that it made some sense. i don’t have any receipts unfortunately because i kept deleting things i already shared with my best friend in order not to get confused sjdfhs but you’ll have to believe me that i found all of this information on tumblr. anyways feel free to drop by any time! 

[itsnsfwalways]

Canyon Moon

A/N: WELCOME TO THE CANYON MOON FIC ! The chapters have to be split up and cut a lot shorter bc of sizing limits but I’m hoping you guys will still like it.

FIC MASTERLIST

WARNINGS FOR CHP. 1: swearing, mild drug use (weed)

CHAPTER ONE: the world’s happy waiting

The ocean has always been a calming place for you. Any body of water, really. The lapping of thewaves, the smell of salt, the course feeling of sand between your toes. It felt like home. So when you moved to Malibu, you found yourself lying on the beach until 4 am most nights, sometimes sleeping, but more often than not listening to music and writing.

Working as a songwriter for mostly just your friends, or as a fill in whenever someone wasn’t there, you were constantly writing. It was a lot easier to get deeper that way for you, not having to worry about sharing your secrets, and being able to mask it in other people’s voices. That being said, you had journals upon journals of your own songs. They were just for you, and occasionally your best friends, but it was something you were really proud of. After writing for the past 6 years, you’d like to think they were pretty good.

You’d gotten to your little spot around an hour ago, parking your pride and joy, an orange and yellow remodeled VW bus, which also functioned as your room most nights when you wanted to be out here, next to the sand.

The vibrant sunset had since dulled into a deep purple color, but it was still fairly light out. A small bonfire was lit in front of your blanket, keeping you a little extra warm even though it was still 70°.

Strumming your guitar, you moved away from the rock you were leaning against, a car’s headlights snapping you out of the haze you always got when you were out here. And also those two joints you had smoked already.

You raise your eyebrows at the fucking bright yellow Ferrari, hoping they were just stopping for a second.

Your prayers were ignored as a guy stepped out, a hoodie pulled over his head.

Shrugging your shoulders, you continue to play mindlessly, making up different melodies before creating a new one on top it.

Mr. Ferrari starts making his way over to you, which sends a flutter through your chest.

“Hey, just so you know, if you’re going to kill me, I’ve always wanted to die listening to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac,” you yell, grabbing your phone from your bag just in case.

The guy stops for a second and lets out a laugh.

“Definitely not trying to kill you,” he chuckles, and, oh, he’s British.

He comes closer and you come face to face with one of the prettiest people you’ve ever seen. Wearing a black hoodie with the words “Treat People With Kindness” embroidered on it, that’s cute, a pair of grey slacks, which you wouldn’t necessarily think of for beach attire, but he makes up for it by completing the look with no shoes.

“Do y’have a lighter I could borrow? Damn thing ran out and the gas station is just far away enough for it to be annoying.”

You laugh at that and nod, tossing him a random one from your bag.

“I feel that. I’m Y/N. Where you from?” You bluntly ask, because hey, he’s cute.

“Manchester, originally. Live near here now. You mind?” He asks, and you nod, scooting over to let him sit.

You’re hit with the smell of vanilla, leather, and just rich as he plops himself down, leaning against a rock a few feet away from you.

He points to your guitar, lips curled around the joint for a second before he inhales and asks,

“How long you been playing? Liked what you were doing earlier.”

You blush at this, barely remembering what you were doing.

“I have no fuckin clue. 14 years? Got my first guitar at 8 and fell in love.” You over exaggerated hugging your guitar, getting another laugh out of him, before you spit out,

“Oh, and thank you! I don’t really remember what I was doing to be honest. Just get in the zone sometimes. Do you play?”

He looks surprised at this, looking at you closely for a second.

“Uh, yeah, little bit. Been trying to learn more recently and kind of get my skills up.”

“Good for you! If you ever wanna play together, I’m literally always here. You sharing?” You smile, looking at his face in the orange light. His cheekbones are illuminated perfectly and you feel your throat go dry.

He nods and hands it to you, watching as you press the filter to your lips.

“What did you say your name was again?” You rack your brain and cannot remember him introducing himself.

“Didn’t. Harry, sorry that was a bit rude,” He mumbles, and you look at him funny.

“Are you like an FBI agent, Harry? Why so secret? And harassing young girls on the beach at night? With a fucking Ferrari? Come on, man, what’s your secret?” You tease, bumping your elbow into his side.

He laughs, shoving you with his shoulder lightly.

“Only harassing that’s going on is you interrogating me. But if I’m making you uncomfortable, I’ll leave right now. I should probably go, actually.” He rants, suddenly moving to get up. You turn your body quickly and lay your legs in his lap so he can’t move.

“You’re dumb. Secret, please?” You smile, blinking up at him.

He scoffs, shaking his head with a small smile, and pauses to run a hand through his hair. He takes a deep breath in before saying,

“I’m a musician, so that’s where the car and secret beach trips come in. I’m actually just starting to write for my next album, and I’m hitting a rut.”

“Oh shit, that’s what’s up! You’ll have to show me your stuff sometime. Sorry that I don’t know you, I’ve been living on the road for awhile so I listen to a lot of oldies. Plus, with hippie parents you don’t hear a lot of new music,” You explain, gesturing to your van.

He looks at you for a second before shaking his head, smiling to himself.

“What?” You grin, shoving his knee with your foot.

“You’re something else, s’all.”

“So I’ve been told.” A giggle falls from your lips as you lay down on the blanket, legs still in his lap, guitar now discarded to the side.

Looking up at the stars starting to form, you feel his gaze on you. Trying to figure out who this chick was, what stories she had, what witty remark was just past her lips.

“Question.” You say, propping your head up. Your hand finds it’s way on the back of your skull and you feel the blanket shift slightly underneath your elbow.

“Answer,” He responds with the same tone, tapping your knees with his fingertips.

“Would you wanna come with me so I can get a tattoo?”

He stops for a second and stares at you.

“Like, right now? You got an appointment?”

You grin and move off of him, ruffling his hair.

“Even better. I got cool friends.”

He takes his time packing up all your stuff, being as cautious enough to remind you not to cover the fire with sand in case someone stepped on it.

“This is my beach, Ferrari. No one comes here. Except handsome British guys, apparently.”

He looks up from the ground, where he’s stuffing your towel into your bag, and throws you a smirk.

“Thanks, baby. You’re gorgeous as well,”

“Blegh. Let me come introduce you to Sunflower,” you fake shudder at the pet name and he grins, pinching your side so he can laugh at your little jump.

You lead him over to your van, opening up the side door to show off your renovated home.

The entire thing was orange with white trim, big yellow sunflowers painted on the sides. The ceiling inside was painted a dark blue, the walls painted yellow.

A meditation rug was lying on the floor, a light brown wood flooring that matched the cabinets attached to the ceiling.

Your bed was all the way in the back, a simple white comforter on it. A mirror hung next to it, attached to the bathroom door. There was a small kitchen counter complete with a sink and a stovetop next to it. A small table folded out behind the drivers seat where a lounge area was located, orange cushions and fairy lights decorating the little couch.

All in all, it was a tiny fucking house in a car and you treated it like your baby.

“This is fucking sick,” he says, looking at the different artwork, posters, and decorations hanging all over the walls and cabinets.

“Thanks! Did it myself. Spent all summer working on it a few years back, I’m damn proud of it.”

There’s a pause for a second, trying to figure out how to best work this out.

“I’m cool to just leave my car here if you’re down to drive me. We’re going to one of my guy friends’ studio about thirty minutes from here,” you suggest, having a feeling Harry wouldn’t be down to leave his car here, no matter how secluded it was.

“Uh, okay. Should I be worried? Who knows what scoundrels you hang out with?” He teases, watching you go into the van to grab some things.

You glance back at him, laughing, before your breath catches in your throat. He’s since removed his hoodie and is left in a white tank top with small black print on the rib cage. Making a mental note to figure out what it says later, your eyes can’t help but drift to his arms. Illuminated in the car light, his biceps bulge as he rests his hands on the roof, leaning forward slightly into the car.

His tongue traces along his teeth, landing itself in his cheek as he watches you check him out.

“See something you like?” He asks, raising his eyebrows like he’s genuinely curious.

Your eyes flick back to his smirking face and you blink for a second, before responding with,

“Yeah, was trying to figure out what asshole uses a word like ‘scoundrel’ in 2018, what the fuck, Harry?”

He barks out a laugh and brings his fist up to his mouth to cover it, the other one coming down to hold his stomach.

“When you are done appreciating my humor, I need to change real quick. Spin around, please,” You come up from your squat and pull off your sweatshirt, not waiting for him to do that.

“Jesus, Y/N,” He exhales, spinning around and looking up at the sky.

“What? I gave you a warning,” you giggle, sliding your sweatpants down to slip into a pair of black volleyball shorts.

“By about half a second!” Harry exclaims. “You’re killing me.”

“Sorry, superstar, nobody is exempt from special treatment here.” You roll your eyes at yourself, what the fuck are you even saying.

“Mkay, you’re good.”

Harry spins around, eyes taking in your new outfit.

On top of your shorts was a giant Stevie Nicks shirt, one from her White Winged Dove tour.

“Shit, you might be a bigger Stevie fan than I am, and that’s saying a lot.”

“Fuck, you have no idea. My dad went to the fucking final show of this tour and met my mom in the crowd during Dreams. My mom made him play it when I was born because she swore Stevie brought me to them.”

You catch him staring at you and turn your head away, cheeks burning because you’re rambling and need to shut the fuck up.

He clears his throat and takes a breath before starting.

“Promise not to kill me when I tell you this?”

Holding your hand to your burning cheeks, you murmur,

“No.”

“Y/N!” Harry exclaims, finally coming in the van to tickle you.

“Okay, okay, I promise not to kill you,” You mock, waving your hands around.

“I was lucky enough to sing one of my songs with her along with Landslide and Leather and Lace.”

You drop your bag onto the ground as your jaw drops.

“Shut up. I don’t believe you.” You cross your arms over chest. “I don’t know if I’d be angrier if you’re lying or if it actually happened. Holy shit am I jealous.”

“Oh, I was crying onstage, losing my shit. She is, everything. Dreams was the first song I learned the words to, yknow? She truly is a magical being.”

“God. I’m definitely looking you up later because who the fuck sings one of THEIR songs with Stevie Nicks.” You sigh, leaning over to grab your bag and Doc Martens.

“Oh god.” Harry laughs, running a hand through his hair again, looking at you really intensely for a second.

“Not to sound like a dick, but do you really not know who I am?”

“I mean if you need your ego boosted I can lie?” You offer, before dropping the witty responses.

“But no, sorry. Like I said, I just.... don’t really listen to new music, and if I do it’s always my friends or some indie shit with an overused beat.” Harry laughs at that and you smile, yes, he’s not weirded out.

“Don’t apologize, please. I just, can’t be too sure, yknow? People like to use you, especially here. And you’re just a little too perfect to be true,” he sighs, pulling you closer to him by your waist.

Placing you hands on his chest, you look at him for a second before leaning forward and whisper in his ear,

“My tattoo awaits me, baby. Let’s go.”

He groans and leans his head on your shoulder, before letting you go and grabbing your bag for you.

Such a gentleman, you think to yourself, locking up Sunflower.

“Does your car have a cool name?” You ask, after buckling you, fingertips appreciating the rich black leather seat.

“Nope, but I’m good at nicknames. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say normal terms of endearment aren’t your thing?” He asks, making eye contact with you for a quick second as he puts his arm behind your seat before stretching slightly to look behind him as he pulls puts the car in reverse.

Looking up for a quick second, you remind yourself to breathe.

“You would be correct. Gotta use your brain if you wanna get me all jittery,” you tease, fanning yourself over exaggeratedly.

He gives you a side eye and smirks at you, popping a piece of gum in his mouth and raising his eyebrows, as if to say, game on.

“So where am I going?” He asks, starting to drive away from your special spot.

“Let us ask the oracle!” You hold out your phone like a trophy, before laughing to yourself and bringing up Google Maps.

Propping your phone up in the cupholder, you sit cross legged in just your socks in his seat, fidgeting with your hands for a second.

“I’m kind of intrigued on who you are now. What’s your story?” You ask, turning your head to look at him.

Harry glances over at you, eyes drifting to your bare legs for a second.

“Well, the short version, I guess, is I grew up in a little town in England with my mum and my sister, applied to X-Factor when I was 16, got put into a band called One Direction with four other lads, released couple albums with them until end of 2015. Then did a movie called Dunkirk, wrote and released my first solo album, and toured it. Just got back from tour about a month ago, actually.”

You look at him blankly for a second, and he shifts in his seat, removing one of his hands from the wheel to place it on the armrest.

“Holy SHIT am I unaccomplished,” you exclaim, hitting him in the chest.

“Hey!” he yells, but you cut him off.

“How many fucking albums is a couple? And how old are you, my god. That is impressive.”

“I’m 24, that probably should’ve been said before we’re alone in a car together. And 5 albums, in 5 years. Nearly killed us.”

“I’m 22. Damn, dude, that’s insane. It sounds like they horribly overworked you and I am hoping you were generously compensated and had a bit of musical freedom. I know how the music industry can be with boy bands.”

He nods for a second, licking his lips slightly, trying to figure out how to phrase his response.

“I’m not going to lie, there are some definite perks and I am so incredibly lucky to just be able to do what I love as my job.” His fingers find their way to his bottom lip, pinching it slightly. “It was fun, I mean, you throw a bunch of teenagers together and give them celebrity status? We were insane, and I enjoyed it. But.... it felt like I wasn’t a person anymore. I was just ‘Harry Styles from the boyband One Direction’.”

“I don’t necessarily understand but I think the fact that you came out this respectful and real says something. You seem to have your shit properly together, and, even if you don’t, you got back from tour two months ago! You deserve some relaxation. The world’s happy to wait for you to find yourself a little.”

Pausing for a second, you place your hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly before swearing,

“I hope you know I’m being genuine about not knowing you and latching on for fame. I’ll let your parents know my intentions with their son are all very pure.”

He laughs at that, glancing at you again,

“I appreciate you saying that. This life is wonderful, like I said, but it’s very stressful and puts pressure on every relationship. There’s always going to be stories or photos and rumors spread like wildfire.”

You shift in your seat, understanding that this was a very serious issue for him.

“Listen, I’ll let you know up front that that doesn’t bother me. I’ve dated musicians and know the life, I get it. I think you’re cool and that we could have a fun time experiencing real life together. But before we do that, you need to have fun and let everything the fuck GO. I’ll promise you right now, if you let me stick around, you’ll experience what life is. No fame or pining for success bullshit, no offense, but there’s no need for it. If you’re happy doing what you’re doing, no one can tell you you’re not successful.” Harry stops the car at a red light and fully turns to look at you.

He exhales harshly before grinning. “You are a breath of fresh fucking air, Y/N. I think you’re going to change my life, if I’m being honest here.”

“Here’s hoping,” you grin.

A/N: THE OFFICIAL FIRST CHAPTER IS UP !!! I’m hoping you guys will come to love this fic as much as I do. I’ll try to find a writing schedule that works with you guys and my work schedule, so sorry if chapters take a little bit to come up. This is going to be a looooong fic, so buckle up, turn that old lover’s hippie music on, and enjoy !!

- lana <3

[kurisus]

Chapter 88-2 thoughts

I’m writing this at 6 AM because I CAN’T SLEEP WOO. As mentioned in my snaps, I first read this chapter while in a work call so I’m rereading it now to be able to focus a bit better. Buckle up, this will be long. Spoilers as always.

So Yukine was not necessarily snuggling with the wolves. He was asking them to eat him. I think in all the other bad stuff happening this chapter this detail got overlooked slightly but it’s bad!!!!

Who was the shadow we saw approaching him when he was with the wolves?? Was it trash dad after all? I think it has to be.

really don’t appreciate the Suzuha mention in THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND AND TWENTY

Yukine was such a caring brother it makes my heart hurt. Yukine in general makes my heart hurt. How did it end up happening that his mom just left him behind??

so if Fujisaki is telling the truth, we now know the context of Yukine’s death. And somehow, I think this is the most unpleasant revelation to come out of this chapter. Big statement, I know, but it explains...a lot.

Yukine was writing letters to his sister in secret for probably years, and as soon as his dad found out...well, we know the rest. I remember speculating (and a few others did too) why Yukine was barefoot and not struggling in that panel a couple chapters back that showed his final moments. So if he was already beaten enough to warrant hospitalization, that would explain why he wasn’t reacting the way he should have been.

At this point, if trash dad WAS telling the truth, I’d be fine if they didn’t show the actual scene of his death and just left it at that. Which means...we now know everything about Yukine’s time when he was alive. And of course there’s a lot we can say to fill out the gaps, but we have all the most important details. Finding out exactly how he died was the last piece in the puzzle. Aside from his full first name, that is.

Yukine yelling at trash dad to shut up and him continuing on anyway :) we really needed to know his final thoughts were “why?” :) I hate it here :)

I really hate even talking about this, this shit is FUCKED

okay so as far as trash dad is aware, Yukine’s body was still in the fridge. Meaning he had no idea that Yato went to dig it up all those months ago. Meaning Nora never breathed a word about it to him. I don’t really know how to express my feelings on this but thank you Nora. we owe you one. I have a feeling trash dad’s intent was not to give him a proper burial (since he’s all about false shows of kindness), though as to what it was, I cannot say.

I think at this point it’s pretty clear that Yato is the one who gave him a proper burial. When the panel of the empty refrigerator dropped a few months back, the fact that the body was missing struck me as just odd, and I thought maybe Yukine’s dad dug it back up for some sort of weird ritual, but judging by what we know now, that doesn’t seem likely. As soon as people started saying Yato buried him I was smacking my face like “of COURSE that’s what happened duh”

so trash dad is confirmed to drop his body in a very similar way to Hiyori, and we also confirmed that the version of him in the black robe is his spirit form. Nora mentioned his “body” a while back but now we finally got to see it. Is he a half ayakashi?? Is this just something he can do because he’s possessing Fujisaki’s body??? gah Adachitoka I want ANSWERS

Hagusa’s vessel name is just a double whammy. It’s like a horrible inversion of the fact that Yato named Kazuma Kazune. “Kazune” has the double meaning of referring to their time limit as well as being the “Kazu” Yato was already familiar with. With Hagusa, that name refers to a type of grain that looks like rice...in other words, something that appears valuable but is worthless. And now we see the vessel name is Yuuki? Adachitoka galaxy brained to punch me in the face.

SO THE REASON YUKINE DOESN’T HAVE A CELL PHONE IS BECAUSE HE DIED BEFORE THEY WERE INVENTED???? I always thought it was because he didn’t need one since Yato, Hiyori, Kazuma, and Kofuku were really the only people he needed to communicate with. but he seemed really excited to use trash dad’s. I’m in pain.

I’m thinking back to when Hiyori almost asked Yukine how he died way back in the beginning of the manga and trash dad now telling Yukine “Hiyori never wanted to know? I bet she did, since humans always want to pry into other people’s business” you shut your mouth

Speaking of Hiyori all we got of her this chapter was her looking pissed off. When she arrives to the fight I just want her to fuck shit up. She may not have her half ayakashi form but she can still snap trash dad’s neck in half.

Perhaps the reason Yukine didn’t find any news articles about himself was because “Haru” was just a nickname. I find it hard to believe that there was nothing about him going missing, especially since his dad made a fuss with putting up missing person flyers everywhere. There’s no way the police wouldn’t have gotten involved, right?

Either way it doesn’t really matter--his dad never got charged with anything even if he was a suspect, and no one else cared enough to look either.

this is so many levels of fucked

“So even now my father is still killing me” this line. THIS LINE. THIS FUCKING LINE. It’s such a succinct and excellent summary of Yukine as a character--as much as we love our son, the fact remains that he is dead. And he is dead because of his father’s abuse and society’s neglect. So no matter however much he grows and changes in the afterlife, it cannot change that his life was cut short far too soon, and everything good that happens to him is overshadowed by the fact that it’s indirectly because of his nasty father. And he got away with it. I can’t.

Before this chapter came out I speculated we’d want to strangle Yukine’s dad even more than we already did. and I was right. but holy shit this line was a kick in the gut while I’m still recovering from “that boy loved people”

Yukine loved people too....he loved people and they turned their backs on him BUT HE NEVER GAVE UP ON LOVING!!! IT JUST TOOK A DIFFERENT SHAPE. FUCK.

So Father knows someone visited the fridge. I wonder if he’s figured out that it was Hiyori yet. I just want her to snap him like a twig. it’s what he deserves.

Father also doesn’t care about Yukine, like, at all (we been knew), to the point he couldn’t even realize the only blond character in this fucking manga now has black hair. MAN. that just says a lot about him, huh.

Are we going to find out whether one of his parents was foreign?? He and Yuka are both noticeably light-haired and it hasn’t been addressed aside from Yukine’s hair color changing.

The hair color change was the only spoiler I saw before the chapter came out and it’s been haunting me ever since. I thought initially Yukine dyed his hair while trash dad was out, but now I wonder if the dark hair is his vessel form? Fujisaki summoned him before leaving, so I don’t know. He does look like his bird ayakashi form with having clawed hands as well.

I remember seeing speculation that trash dad generally tells the truth. well as of this chapter we know he’s a fucking liar. Hiyori left that flower, and I think it will end up being important in the long run when Yukine realizes that she’s the only human who truly cares about him.

Whether trash dad has been telling the truth about other things remains to be seen. We still don’t know how he got out of Yomi, if that’s really what happened to make him immortal. But this lie about the flower seems to be a white lie. He could have just said he didn’t know. If he so readily lied about this, who’s to say he hasn’t been lying about other things too, you know?

Yukine destroying the fridge would normally make me be like good for her.jpeg but since the context is him with trash dad I actually hate it

Since Yukine is now so eager to meet his dad I can’t shake the feeling that he’s dead. It would be the perfect gut-punch for him to demand why his father killed him, only to find out that he’s dead (and maybe even that YATO did it...which would only add more fuel to the fire....fuck) and never get to resolve his turmoil.

I’ve been on the fence about whether Yukine’s dad is still alive but based on this chapter I’m putting my bets on “he’s dead and Yato killed him back in the early manga because that would cause the most suffering at present and that generally seems to be the route Adachitoka takes.”

Like, yeah, if Yato did it it was to protect Yukine, but that doesn’t matter when he’s already so pissed off at Yato.

Yato only fired on trash dad because he didn’t know that it was Yukine with him. And Yukine is again thinking that Yato is trying to hurt him. This chapter is also a horrible inversion of...was it 83-2? where Yato tried to kill trash dad and Yukine stopped him? Except now this time it’s not because Yukine wants answers, it’s because he’s pissed at Yato and loyal to trash dad.

Yato was also a fool for thinking sniping trash dad from afar would work, especially when it didn’t even work the first time.

So now the thing I’ve been working up to talking about throughout these many, many words: Hagusa’s vessel form is...himself. He is the weapon. This is such a wonderful (and terrible) narrative choice I’m delighted by where it will take us physically and metaphorically, but obviously it hurts. A lot.

Yuuki being himself the weapon that trash dad fights Yato with for what may be their final showdown is such a fitting culmination to his character arc in this section of the story. (when trash dad said he would turn him into a weapon I DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS LITERAL)

This is also a good choice art-wise because it means even more pain with seeing Yukine physically fighting Yato rather than Yato and trash dad fighting with swords or something.

So Yato met with Yuka before (it was a flashback, as many people pointed out to me after I goofed last month lmao) but whether that was earlier today or further in the past remains to be seen. I hope he told her to get out because it seems like trash dad is heading into her house while Yato and Yukine face off.

well. “face off” is maybe an exaggeration. Yato will not be able to fight Yukine at all and I’m anticipating he gets the shit kicked out of him, again, while he tries to make him see reason. bro. I hate this. I really, really hate this. This final fight is going all the ways I knew it would, but hoped it wouldn’t.

Hiyori and Nora come help please

July can’t come soon enough

I’m pretty sure this is my longest thoughts post ever. so much happened and I have so many feelings about all of it.

[turtletimewriting]

How about logince? :D

1. Who has the cutest tickle laugh?

Logan definitely. Roman is already quite happy and cheerful so to see him laughing is already cute. But seeing Logan’s rare belly laughs, that kind of laugh that loosens his entire body and makes him blush and tear up, is the absolute cutest. Logan’s laugh is also surprisingly loud comThere’s always a point during the tickling where Logan will just give up and just lay there as he’s tickled. He just throws his head back and lets out the most joyous bellowing laughs and Roman gets star struck every time. 

2. Who is ticklish in unusual places and where would that be?

When they were doing a thorough examination to make sure Roman’s tickle spots were still working, they discovered Roman has one particular spot on his jaw. His neck isn’t ticklish really but there’s this one spot under his jaw to the right that can only be tickled very softly. It doesn’t necessarily tickle loads but Logan had a complete field day he discovered it and it provoked an entire day of seeing if he can see if “Roman has been lying about any more secret tickle spots. For I am his Ler and therefore I should have profound knowledge of all of his most tickly spots. I take great pride in this job and I cannot have Roman making a mockery of me by not informing me of these spots.”

3. Who gets cheer-up tickles?

Logan but I feel like he wouldn’t be able to be pried away from his work. I feel like both of them take extreme pride in their work and are both work addicts. Therefore, Roman can see that Logan is stressed but also knows how annoying it is to have someone peel you away from work and you then can’t remember what tasks you had to do. So Logan will see Roman enter his room with sympathy written all over his face and he’ll just instinctually smile. He’ll take off his shoes and swings his legs so that his feet are sole up towards Roman while he sits and continues to work. Roman knows to keep it light so not to distract him. Just some gentle giggles to help lighten up his stress. Then Logan will either thank him for the laughs and continue his work alone or he’ll recognise he needs to relax and follow Roman out of the office.

4. Who takes advantage of the other one getting their arms stuck while taking off their shirt?

Roman knows that seeing him shirtless can get Logan all flustered and so every single day he will get dressed very slowly while flexing. But obviously, months down the line in their relationship, Logan is no longer the flustered gay disaster he once was (he still is, just not as bad) and now whenever Roman does this, he gladly tickles him. Roman will then flail around and end up actually getting tangled up in his shirt and really needs help. 

5. How did they discover each other’s ticklishness?

There’s been a couple of fics like this but I just love the idea of this being how Roman discovered that Logan is ticklish. Roman really really really wants to try out body paints after seeing a bunch of videos of body paints. Logan put up some denial but seeing Roman actually deflate was heart breaking so he agreed. Cut to Logan absolutely neon red trying to hold in his laughter and slamming his hand against the floor and Roman having no idea why his boyfriend is being so dramatic about paint.

Logan found out about Roman’s ticklishness quickly after by turning around and destroying Roman with tickles to “see how you like it!”. The paint got absolutely everywhere and they even had to repaint the walls as there were splatters of red and navy everywhere.

6. Who can’t take tickle bites?

Logan. He just can’t excessive silliness. Especially since he’s squealing all over the place and acting silly too. Something about the childishness and playfulness just really gets him. 

7. Who has to be tickle-forced out of bed in the morning?

Roman. It’s not often that he has to literally be chased out of bed with tickles but Logan loves his schedules and he cannot afford Roman’s distractions. And he will literally tickle chase him out of bed. It’ll start with wiggling fingers along his sides before creeping up to his pits and even when Roman will launch himself out of the bed, Logan will keep tickling him up to the bathroom and while he brushes his teeth. The spray of toothpaste on the mirror is just a necessary sacrifice to get Roman on time. 

8. Who gives up in a tickle fight?

Roman. There’s no particular reason. I just like the idea of Roman being this huge lee that just likes tickles. He’ll provoke tickle fights but then deliberately lose so he can enjoy not only the tickles but also seeing Logan be playful. Plus, who else is going to enjoy serious necktie man very straight faced and monotone voice cooing and teasing!

9. Who is in danger of getting hurt when attacking the other?

Logan. Oh poor Logan has received many bruises but not while tickle attacking the other funnily enough. It’s not often that Logan finds himself indulging in childish games such as a ler mood but he understands that Roman loves when he does. So of course he’s going to help his beloved boyfriend by going all tickle monster. And these moods will often last an entire day. So during these days, Roman will literally see Logan walk into the kitchen and will scream before fleeing. There’s been a couple of times when Roman was literally barrelled into Logan by accident and left him with a few bruises. But Logan always has a plan anyway.

“Oh Roman, ow that really hurts! Oh dear, oh my side. That hurts!”

“No, I’m not falling for it Lo!” 

“Ro...” 

“Oh, c’mere. I’m sorry beloved. Are you okaAAAAAHAHAHAAH”

“Roman, how many times must I do this before logically you understand that this is merely a ploy to get you your daily dose of tickle tickle tickles!”

10. Who always provokes the other into tickling them and how?

Roman. Of course, he is such a lee. Look at him. How dare he walk into the living room. That is obviously asking for tickles. The audacity of thinking he can just sit down on the sofa. Clearly he’s screaming for tickles. Of course. I am merely helping him by allowing his tickle fantasies to come to life. Obviously. This is a lee mood for Roman. I can’t believe I must be forced to tickle him again for the 5th time today.

[citrineghost]

Humans Are Historically Known for Being Terrible

Hi I’m here with an opinion today. Let’s see how many words it will take for me to adequately get it across on this very fine 15th of January

I personally believe canceling things from the past* is fruitless, pointless, and accomplishes about as much as censorship does

*We aren’t talking about shit like nazi Germany, let me elaborate further

So, as I occasionally do, I have seen a post on my dash today criticizing something historical that people are ‘problematically partaking in.’ That thing today was the wellerman sea shanty due to its ties with colonialism, slavery, and so forth. 

I’m not going to dive into this specific example, because I don’t know enough of the details and am not interested in going to find them out because I’m not planning to defend it or its history, so there’s no point. I learned what I needed to know from said callout post and it’s enough to work with.

To me, it is important that we remember that people, in general, have been historically pretty terrible.

There’s colonialism, there’s slavery (of all kinds, including chattel), there’s thievery, murder, genocide, sexism, the murdering of queers. There’s lying, manipulation, propaganda, and so many more things that I couldn’t possibly list them all. I’m not saying that everyone was equally shitty. I am aware that, especially in the most recent couple hundred years, white people, especially Western Europeans and Americans, have been pretty Shite.

Am I excusing them for their actions? Absolutely not. I think it is always important to bear in mind the way they played a part in cultures’ growth, death, and, ultimately, development from one year to the next.

The reason I’m pointing this out is because the result of people being historically shitty is that most, if not all, of our historical content, our history, is steeped in horse manure. 

There is not one thing you can enjoy from centuries - even decades - passed that is not here because of something inhumane, unjust, or otherwise terrible.

The only thing keeping us from canceling every other historical thing that we enjoy is our lack of awareness of how each thing ties into the whole mess.

So, we’ve learned that wellerman was sung by slavers and thieves and colonialists. What about that nice little folk song from uh, idk, Ireland or something? Let’s take this metaphorical song and ask the question, “who wrote it?” The truth is, for many folk songs, we just don’t know. There is a very very good chance that 90+ percent of nice, soft folk songs about lying in the grass or feeding chickens or baking bread for your spouse were written by racists, sexists, abusers, homophobes, and so forth.

Does that make it wrong to enjoy that song about lying in the grass and looking at the stars? I don’t think so. No one is profiting off of you listening to it, regardless of who wrote it. It’s hundreds of years old. Do you even know the name of who wrote it?

Remembering that times were different may not absolve something of its wrongdoing, but it does provide us context.

We have to allow ourselves to admit that most, if not all, historical things, came from or benefitted from atrocities or injustices that we would not stand for today. That’s just how human progression works. Frankly, if people 200 years from now don’t look at US, CURRENTLY, and think we’re terrible assholes, I am actually very concerned by that. 

The nature of humanity is to get better and better over time and to build a world and a society where we don’t feel the need to be controlled by greed or to consume unethically. The problem is, it takes time. It takes lots and lots of time. Would it take less time if certain people weren’t terrible, terrible people? Yes it would. But they are, and so it doesn’t.

The fact is, human progression and improvement will never reach its end because, as things improve, our perception of our past actions will change as well and we will begin to realize that what we were doing wasn’t acceptable and is no longer necessary nor excusable. 

Hate Jeff Bezos? Look around and see that 90% of people still buy from Amazon, because it provides the only affordable source of many products for people who don’t make enough money under capitalism to buy from a small business.

Hate Bill Gates? How many of us are willing to switch to Linux to quit using Microsoft? Speaking of Microsoft, they own Minecraft. Do we stop playing Minecraft?

Think Steve Jobs is a terrible person? Why are people still buying iphones, ipads, and macs? Why don’t we stop buying those so that he and current CEO, Tim Cook, quit making billions of dollars?

These are just a tiny amount of examples, using big names. We also must consider, if you have 100 books on your bookshelf, how many of the writers of those books are racists, homophobes, sexists, or abusers? I guarantee you it’s a non-zero answer. The thing is, an author who’s relatively nobody is not someone who gets canceled. No one knows anything about them but that they wrote a neat work of fiction and it’s a good book.

The question is, should we be expected to quit buying, consuming, and enjoying things made by problematic people?

In some cases, the answer should be yes. If someone is currently profiting massively from people consuming their media or products and people are ignoring their atrocities, that person could end u making millions or billions of dollars despite being terrible, which is something that undoubtedly affects all of us, economically.

In the other cases, the answer should be, do you want to? If you’re not comfortable with something, you should, of course, stop consuming it. If you can ignore the thing, you might not need to bother. And, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re excusing it.

If we look at all of humanity, even in the present day, mathematically speaking, 50% of people are more bigoted and terrible than the rest. There’s no other way for it to be. Less than 50% would be a mathematical fallacy. Does that mean we only consume content from the better 50%? Does that mean we rigorously research producers and creators and their personal lives only to decide it’s not worth the risk of ‘contributing’ because they have no trace online except for a private Facebook account? Is them having a Facebook account enough of a ‘sin’ that it’s not worth it to buy their book?

This brings us to the censorship point

If you know your history, you know that censorship is a nasty thing. When one person decides who or what is unethical to consume from, they sometimes seek to get rid of that thing so that no one has a choice - so that no one is Allowed to consume that thing.

This has led to book burning, the destroying of decades and centuries of research about sexuality and gender. It’s destroyed religious texts. It’s destroyed content created by women that painted any single man in a bad light. It’s destroyed progression.

“But I only want to get rid of the bad thing that everyone agrees is bad!”

It doesn’t matter. If you open the door to censorship for yourself, those who wish to use it for worse reasons will become just as justified, in their own eyes, to do the same. You’ll have Christians saying it’s okay to get rid of gay content because it’s objectively wrong according to the bible. You’ll have conservative parents burning books with complicated topics like abuse and assault because they don’t want their children to have access to anything controversial or complex like that.

You cannot open the door to censorship for one group without opening that door for everyone. And that is why we do not censor things.

The question then becomes, but what of the people consuming that media? Even if it’s not censored, consuming it still makes someone bad, right? 

Not necessarily. People consume problematic stuff all the time - things considered objectively bad. However, people don’t always consume said media because they support it being normalized in the real world. For example, fanfiction or books with rape in them may be something a victim reads to cope with their own past or present. A book with abuse depicted may actually make a young teen aware that what they’re going through is abuse. Content largely seen as ‘problematic’ can often play a part in solving the problem it portrays.

Then there’s historical, problematic media. Now, this is an area where I feel things have actually been OVER complicated.

Because everything historical has some tie to injustice, there is no ethical way to consume it. 

There is no ethical consumption under passed time.

So, how do we judge whether something should or shouldn’t be consumed? It is my opinion that something historical should stop being consumed and become shunned when its meaning is well-known enough and its message is still pervasive enough that it is actively causing problems.

For example, we generally try not to consume content when it is made by someone who is a known nazi. This is because nazis are still a problem in our society, presently. We have antisemitism all over the place. Therefore, we cannot let the message become that it is okay to be a nazi by way of us treating nazis like normal people and allowing them to succeed in society without consequence.

However, there are certain problems that are no longer particularly prevalent or which are agreed to be terrible on a large enough scale that consuming the content does not necessarily imply you believe it is okay. For example, if you look at literally any media from the 1800s or which is placed in the 1800s, you will see a lot of casual sexism and gender roles. Should we despise that time period because sexism was readily available at every turn? Should we refuse to enjoy 19th century fashion or culture because it had problems? I think not. I think it would be pointless to refuse to consume, read about, or otherwise engage with the 19th century. It wouldn’t change the past and it isn’t going to somehow undo the progress we’ve made on women’s rights. 

As a matter of fact, if someone merely suggested that perhaps the people of the 19th century were right for forcing women to wear long dresses and darn socks all day, they would be laughed into oblivion and called a shitty, sexist incel (which would be correct).

Does enjoying media from or placed in the 19th century mean you support sexism? I certainly hope not, since I enjoy it very much and know a lot of progressive people, women especially, who do enjoy that kind of thing. It is common sense enough, at this point in time, that people don’t generally believe that the sexism of the 1800s was acceptable. I am not going to see someone watching a period drama and assume they desire for our present-day social laws to be like what’s portrayed. That would be a ridiculous assumption. However, I could not assume the same about someone I saw watching openly antisemitic content. I would quickly wonder if they’re an antisemite/nazi/white supremacist.

So, what about that one thing I heard had a sordid past?

Listen, if we’re being honest here, most things from history have a sordid past. Sea shanties? You bet. But then when we talk of sea shanties being steeped in colonialism, we have to look at the bigger picture. What about pirates? Pirates were, by and large, a huge contributor to slavery, theft, colonialism, and murder. Does that mean enjoying media with pirates is glorifying or contributing to slavery, theft, colonialism, and murder?

(I’m about to talk a lot about pirates but this can be applied to anything that was historically bad but is no longer prevalent)

Pirates of the Caribbean is only a movie, but pirates did once exist and they did kill people. They did raid ships of merchants and tradesmen and they killed them and stole their goods. They took many good men from their families and even killed working children aboard the ships. Does that make enjoying pirates in media a contributor to these things? No. It doesn’t. We are looking at a dramatised, cleaned up version of the original piracy. I think most people are aware that pirates, in the real world, are bad and harmful and should not be supported. That doesn’t make pirate media any less fun in theory, and under our own terms.

Then we arrive at our perception - because most of this does come down to perception. When you watch pirate media, should you enjoy that, are you able to divorce yourself from their actual history enough to enjoy the media? If you can, you might enjoy it a lot. If you can’t watch a movie about pirates without thinking the entire time about how terrible they were and how much damage they did, then pirate media just isn’t right for you. But, it doesn’t mean you should attempt to take it away from others. Your opinion and perception of pirate media is not the global perception.

I have to ask, do you think others view it the same way you do?

When you read that question, you may be wondering what exactly I mean. What I’m asking is, do you believe others view that media with the same “clarity” that you do? Do you believe they understand the atrocity of real pirates and Feel that the entire time they watch the media and still enjoy it anyway?

Perhaps that’s why your response to someone enjoying something you feel guilty partaking in is, “these people all must not care about the real-world damage pirates did. The fact that they can watch this (despite sitting here and feeling the same things I do) makes me sick.”

However, if that is the case, you must remember that for a lot of people, the awareness of real world consequence is suspended during dramatised depictions of it. It doesn’t mean they have forgotten about the real-world consequences of piracy or that they don’t know it at all. It just means they are choosing not to think about it in that light while consuming media.

There is also the assumption that people must not know about something when partaking in it. You may think, “How can they enjoy this media? They wouldn’t be able to stomach it if they realized what really happened with pirates.”

In many instances, you would be correct. A lot of people are ignorant to what pirates have done in the real world. If you told every ignorant person the truth, maybe 5% of them would then become turned off by pirate media, and the other 95% would keep the truth in mind and then divorce themselves from it to continue enjoying said media.

There are realities that it is safe to divorce yourself from, and there are those that are not.

Is allowing yourself to enjoy dramatizations of pirates making you ignorant to present day conditions? Not largely. There are still pirates today, but not nearly enough for the average Joe to need to take them seriously. Those who need to know about them and do something to stop them are aware.

However, it is not safe to divorce yourself from, for instance, the holocaust. Divorcing yourself from the holocaust and seeing it as merely a dramatic setting with dramatic events and not a present-day real-world problem is exactly the kind of thing that leads to young teens being sucked in by white supremacy and naziism as well as what leads to many average conservatives believing the rise in white supremacy isn’t actually real or is not a big deal. They have distanced themselves so far from the real-world atrocity of the holocaust that they have forgotten it was real and that real people, like them, were contributors. They don’t want to believe that everyday people had any power in it and that it was tiny acts of willful ignorance that made concentration camps so successful. 

All in all, there is a different answer for everything we consume.

Want to know if something you’re consuming is okay to consume? Ask yourself: is this produced by someone who is contributing to present-day conditions? If the answer is yes, quit consuming it. If the answer is no, ask yourself, does this media make me uncomfortable because I’m aware of its roots? If the answer is yes, stop consuming it. If the answer is no, it’s probably fine. You are most likely not doing any damage, so long as you are aware of what is wrong with the content and are not using it as grounds to perpetuate harm. 

If, when thinking about something problematic in an old piece of media, you cringe? You’re on the right track. If you feel inclined to make excuses for it or justify the wrong in it, it’s time to step away and reevaluate why you feel the need to do so. If you’re doing so because you feel guilty for consuming it, you need to realize that it is actually more harmful to make excuses for the wrong in order to justify your consumption than it is to admit, “Yeah, this media is problematic and contains a lot of sexism, but I still enjoy it for its other qualities.” It is better to admit that you enjoy something problematic than to spread the message that what is happening in it is okay.

Some of you may be thinking, “Or, just stop consuming problematic media.”

I think in many cases, especially recent media, where your consumption has an effect on production, this is true. However, for media that is no longer being produced, I will remind you that most things have something wrong with them - yes, even pretty recent stuff.

Supernatural kills off women constantly, queerbaited the fuck out of its viewers, and sent a huge character to fucking mega hell for confessing his love.

Scrubs has no end to its sexism, transphobic and homophobic slur usage, and other problematic content.

V for Vendetta glorifies and shines a heroic light on a character who kidnaps and tortures a woman for what appeared to have been weeks or months so that she would be forced to understand his trauma and “no longer be afraid.”

Star Wars has incest, the producers/directors abused Carrie Fisher and sexualized her as a young teen, and probably a lot more that I’m not aware of because I haven’t seen the movies nor read the books.

I don’t even need to start on shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Community, That 70s Show, and so many more. Almost every popular piece of media has something worth canceling in it. There is no point trying to curate your media consumption to only unproblematic content, because it simply can’t be done.

Curate where it makes a difference. Sigh heavily the rest of the time. Make yourself aware what and how things are problematic. Put critical thought into how your consumption is capable of supporting or perpetuating a problem and how it is not. Make informed decisions.

Do not feel guilty if you are unable to flawlessly live up to the standards of purity culture. None of us can - not really.

[cooloddball]

DESTIEL AND COCKLES RANT

THIS IS A RANT ON ALL THINGS DESTIEL AND COCKLES

PS. I do not know how to make gifs and or use photos yet so feel free to add yours

I have said this before and I will say it again. I have been in this fandom for a month and I ship Destiel and Cockles anyone who has a problem with this then move along and/or if you are an anti and read this, keep your hateful comments to yourself.

That being said, I have read about almost all ships in the fandom but mostly Destiel, Cockles, Wincest, and J2. Through all the reading and discovery, I still have to say I ship Cockles and Destiel more than ever before. However, I have seen some things from the antis that did not sit well with me.

This is going to be a long post so brace yourself and it is mostly about the hate the antis (anti-cockles, anti-wives , and anti-Destiel Shippers spread). Also this is a rant so don’t mind me,

ON DESTIEL

The hate on Destiel is massive. Mostly this is from Bronlies who hate Cas like he is the anti-Christ, and the Wincest shippers.

Now I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade but come on. Cas is Dean’s best friend. Whether you ship them romantically or not, it is canon that Cas Dean’s best friend. We have seen time and again how miserable Dean is every time Cas dies. Dea has also expressly stated that Cas is his best friend and even said they are better together; all three of them including Sam. He has called him his family. So why the hate? Chuck himself has said that he has rebuilt Cas more times than anyone.

Now, people who believe that it is better to ship Sam and Dean who are literally blood brother but it is not okay to ship Dean and Cas what is wrong with you? Is it okay for someone to fuck their brother and/or be in love with them? I mean come on.

Before I was even a shipper, I always looked forward to episodes that Cas was in. He brought a different dynamic to the show in a positive way. Yes, I love the brothers but Cas is just deifferent and all the sass he brings makes the show, at least to me 10 times better. Sue me.

People saying that JA would never be comfortable with Destine because he is a Christian. I mean, he can call Chuck a dick, call angels dicks, make deals with demons and all other unchristian things but kissing another man is where he draws the line? If he was such a Christian, why does he let another man straddle him on stage or want to kill God?

Someone once said that JA supports wincest. I saw the video and I get what he said is that whatever floats your boat or something like that. So why is it so hard for him when it comes to Destiel? I don’t understand this man. He is a paradox.

 ON COCKLES

I have seen antis, mostly those who ship J2 throw shade at MC saying that JA doesn’t like him, he just tolerates him and everything they do is for PR. I have not once seen anyone say that JP doesn’t like MC. You know why? I believe they view MC as a threat to their J2 ship.

So I stumbledupon this antis blog who had a whole analysis (much like am doing here) on why JA cannot be a couple. Here are some that I remember from the top of my head:

1.     That JA said that he thinks Matt Bomer is attractive.

2.     That JA moved to Austin to be live next to JP.

3.     That JA and MC have nothing in common being that JA plays golf and sings etc and that MC does woodwork, writes poetry and bicycle touring.

4.     That JA is with JP hence no. 2.

5.     That JA does not curse on stage but MC does.

6.     That MC does not take acting seriously but JA does.

Now now now. This beats logic. All the above things I beg to differ with not because I am cockles shipper but it is just common sense.

Being with someone or rather being in love with someone does not mean any of the above things have to be true. Hear me out.

1.     On finding Matt Bomer attractive. I have many celebrity crushes, there are also ordinary people that I find attractive. But then again, I have a boyfriend, who I am in love with; I have been with for six years. But he looks nothing like my celebrity crushes or the ordinary people I find attractive. Does that mean I am not in love with him? No. It means I have eyes and I can appreciate beauty and have a few fantasies but I chose to be with him because I love him. He also has other people he finds attractive that look nothing like me, does that mean he does not love me? I mean come on.

 Oh the most hilarious thing is that the anti said you cannot compare Matt to MC since Matt is way attractive. I mean come on; they may not look alike but they both have dark hair, blue eyes. Seriously people! And MC is so handsome and adorable at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he looks better than JA and JP. Sue me.

 2.     On JA moving to Austin. Lol. This means that he went to live next to his best friend. I mean come on. I have moved to live next to my best friend (bff) who is married. Does that mean I am in love with her? Hell no! But I feel safer knowing that she is there for me.

Also people need to understand, MC and JA could be involved romantically or not (pick your poison) but you don’t need to be next to your lover to love them or be in a relationship with them. Lond distance relationships anyone? They have families and kids and other priorities. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not necessarily mean you live together or evn in the same area. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and also they are where they are now because of other priorities in their lives. So, living together or in the same town doesn’t make you more or less in love.

3.     On the issue of common interests. This made me laugh so hard. I mean comeon, People who are together do not need to share any interests. The diversity of their interests is probably what attracted them to each other. Also how can you say a poet and a singer have nothing in common? They are artists. MC can write poems that JA can sing. Oh also remember that video MC’s friend DM posted on Twitter where they did the whole bicycle touring in Germany? Uh huh? JA seemed to be interested in that a lot. So..

4.     I could say a lot about JA being with Jp. This J2 being married and their wives being beards is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Seriously, J2 tinhats have gone ahead to hate of D’s posts and call her names. Telling her to stop pretending that she is JA. It is laughable and not in a nice way, really. Can they just stop? Before I became a cockles shipper I watched J2 videos where they interact be it cons, red carpet moments or even gag reels. It is just different. All I see are two bros; one that is really playful like a little puppy and the other one trying to be the big brother. As for JA and MC, it is different, there are things that JA is comfortable when Mc does that he is not comfortable when JP does them. Neck kisses for a start.

Also most of the J2 tinhats evidence about J2 being real is rarely backed up by visual evidence and if there is any, it is usually from years ago. I am not hating on antis, just stating facts.

5.     I mean, cursing on stage really? I curse all the time my bf doesn’t. Does that mean he doesn’t like me or love me? Hell to the Fucking No! Suck it!

6.     On Mc not taking acting seriously. Yeah I can guess why he doesn’t. It is not his only priority unlike JA who has chosen it as a career path. From what I have seen, MC’s priorities include making the world a better place through charities, politics, and oh, he is also a writer. Oh so forgive him if he is not obsessed with acting. Besides JA says that he likes how he acts as Cas because it is not like anything he has seen from other guest stars that have come on the show. I mean not being serious about something does not mean that you are not good at it. Would he have lasted 11 seasons if he was not good at what he does?

There was also hate that JA is only around MC for PR and he actually hates him. There were some photos and gifs so the apparent hate. So, if he cannot stand him, why is there so much evidence of JA going to MC to give some love, Neck kisses, intimate IG posts, face caresses, ass smacks, calling him his baby dadfy, heart eyes, even when they don’t know that they are being filmed?

Also why is it during the Vegascon 2020 all JA did was bring up MC unnecessarily even when no one, absolutely nobody asked him to. Come on! stop the bs and admit that Cockles is the realest ship in the history of ships!!

ON THE WIVES

I swear bitches be crazy. How can you just hat someone for literally nothing? This is mostly from J2 tinhats at other J2 stans who do not ship J2 together romantically. I mean…comeon. You do not need to be a stan for the wives just because they are married to J2 but please stop with the madness.

I recently saw someone comment on various JA posts on IG asking why he is lying to the fans that he is with D when he is with JP. So many rude things have been said about the wives especially D that it breaks my heart.

Seiously? People have gone ahead even to say that she is with JA’s friend SC and that the twins are not JA’s they are SC’s since D and SC are ‘always’ hanging out together. My question is, so D is not supposed to hang out with their friends? And for Chuck’s sake, everyone can see that the twins especially the boy (idk their names, sorry) looks like JA’s twin. I mean come on people.

I believe that they hate D because she says how much she loves MC and that Cas is her favorite character and that they are also bitter that JA chose her and not them. Just my opinion, but what do I know. On JP and G. I don’t know much about them mostly because I do not follow either of them of IG or elsewhere but I have seen hate on G as well.

The antis have gone ahead to say that when JA said that he was hanging out with SC writing songs, that he was lying and that nothing was happening he was just trying to dampen the rumours. I wonder how they felt when the album by JA and Sc came out last year. Jokes on you haters. Bitches be crazy fr.

Oh, the antis also say that the same way JA looks at his wife is the same way he looks at MC. With contempt. I mean talk about hanging yourself with your own rope. What they are saying is, JA feels about his wife the same way he feels abouts MC. Aww! That is true love bitches.

If JA actually cannot stand MC, shouldn’t he have gotten him fired from the show or at least make sure he gets less screen time and that they don’t have any panels together being that JA is the star of the show and all. I mean Mark left and he was a major character to the plot so...

Also why would JA give and buy MC clothes if he hates him? Give him a ring, a bracelet? Huh? Explain it to me.

Oh, some anti also said that before every Cockles panel at JIBCON JA cries and has to be forced on stage by Daniella and JP has to give him a hug and that’s why he drinks a lot of apple juice. LOL. WTF? What do you say to such people. I cannot even..My question is, are we talking about the same Cockles panels that I have seen? Then JA deserves all the Oscars and Tony Awards for his impeccable acting skills when he is around MC. Must really hate him. *wink*

MY TWO CENTS ON COCKLES

I know JA gives off mixed actions about MC. But I think it is to confuse people like us, shippers.  He does’t want to too out there so he tries so hard to be mean with his words. But his actions tell a different story. I mean, who gets a boner when their friend straddles them on stage and then goes ahead to post that chest to chest selfie on IG. That is the gayest thing I have ever seen.

Sharing clothes? I mean friends do share clothes but if it is like a daily thing. More than 20 articles of clothing exchanged between each other on various occasions even when they are apart does not make sense to me. And to make matters worse, JA does not deny it. One even had a tag on it. Lol. We are not children, we can see what is going on.

The 2014 DallasCon – Rob’s Birthday Party. WTF? Was all that between JA and MC? Why did he he swallow and react like that when he saw MC’s bare abdomen? Who does that? Also the looks when MC was leaving the stage. Come on.

Also what was up with the” I love you from the bottom of my heart” at the MTV top 10 in 2010.

The wife is my rock but I am glad to have some pebbles in my life.

Truth is, JA could post a video of him balls deep in MC and the antis could say that somehow MC manipulated JA to post it for PR.

People need to leave MC alone, he ie a human being who has made mistakes, JA and JP have too and I don’t see the antis hating on them. The double Standard s FOH.

I could write about this forever but the truth is JA loves MC, and D and V know that they love each other. All their friends know including JP and other castmates. I believe they know it is more than just friends and the antis can’t stand it because they also know it to be true.

JA LOVES MC. JP LOVES MC. J2M LOVE EACH OTHER. J2 LOVE THEIR WIVES. STOP THE HATE!!

I am not done but I am done for now. I could be here forever writing about this if I do not stop.

[gothsic]

LITTLE CHARACTER THINGS

Just a fun little character game. Fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by. Repost & tag away !

tagged by: @citialiin​ suplexes you into the sun bc i luv u tagging:   whomever wants to !!

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

001. DISGUST – Filth, filth, it’s all filth. Everyone is squirming underneath his boot heel, and they’re doing it with a smile. How awful. And yet, he can’t help but smile right back at them. So delighted that they understand their place. If only he could sleep, he might very well get some god-damned peace...

002. ISOLATION – Why is it that looking at the sea reminds him so much of the things that he’d lost? Maybe that’s why he spends so much time sitting out there in the sand, looking out at the ocean as it ebbs and flows, leaves behind the darkened, wet sand. Sometimes, he planted footprints there, and watched them vanish as the water took them away. And no, it wasn’t a comfort. It was, maybe, some sort of reminder to himself.

003. ENVY – WHY does it always have to be that way? Smiling faces admiring another’s work - someone younger than him... he wants it all. He’ll take it for himself if he has to. Why can it not be him at all hours of the day? Always worshipped, always admired. Look at his talent, bask in it... but why do they all head the opposite direction? Could it be that... he’s losing relevance? No, it couldn’t be. And yet, that pain in his stomach simply won’t go away...

004.YEARNING – He has always had a habit of grabbing at things he can’t have. If he can’t have it, he only wants it more. Once he has it, he holds onto it as if he had been utterly fulfilled every which way.

005. RAGE  – Always seeing red, always wanting nothing more than to tear at those that denied him a chance at success. Claws that have grown over the years, from frustrated, suppressed anger that originated from the time he was born, perhaps. Now, they slash at whatever they can find; not enough to kill, but enough to leave a scar. A wound. A reminder that he was there once.

GREETINGS:

001. A sarcastic remark, a seemingly chatty man. He seems to have opinions on everything, no matter what the subject. He seems remarkably interested in you, but only insofar as to how involved you are in the subject at hand.

002. He offers you a half-smile. A laid-back appearance. Extends his hand to meet yours to greet you. When you shake his hand, you make note of how strangely callous his hands are. How cold they are, made even colder by the metal rings on his fingers that brush uncomfortably against your skin.

003. He pokes fun at you, makes jokes. But they’re never meant to necessarily harm you. That would be rude, oh no. He can be a bit much, but he only means to make you laugh. But there’s still a strange distance to him. You can’t seem to penetrate him, necessarily - no matter how you may retort. But maybe, if you say something right on point at the right moment, he might just remember you.

004. After an exciting conversation, he asks for your number. Or your contact details. Anything to potentially arrange another meeting down the line. It’s a sign that you’ve attracted his attention in some way. Maybe he’ll contact you down the line.

005. Perhaps, after some time of meeting, if you’re lucky, he’ll show you his genuine smile rather than his half-smile. Right then, you realize that the man you met way back when may actually have more secrets than you could have ever comprehended - if his smile was fake, what else is fake?

COLOURS:

001. Pitch black, of course - the color of choice for the ex-goth.

002. Crimson red, the color of beating hearts and throbbing flesh.

003. Forest green, the color of D.’s forest before it began to rot as a consequence of his deteriorating psyche.

004. Murky blue, the color of the ocean at midnight as the moon is hidden in the Los Angeles smog. It seems endless the more he looks into it.

005. Earthy brown, the color of Annie’s sweater the night she vanished into the darkness forever.

SCENTS:

001. A consistent reek of cigarette smoke on his clothes, his breath, his every word.

002. A faint scent of hair gel and mousse - faintly applied, to keep his hair as voluminous as possible.

003. The equally as faint trace of after shave after he’s taken care of himself. Though there is a stronger smell of hair dye, as he obsessively covers every white hair that may emerge on his head.

004. The strong smell of permanent marker, inking pens, and lead from his furious sketching.

005. Then, there’s his own natural smell - cinnamon mixed with a musty pine; it’s a bit like the smell of a forest filled with pine trees after a heavy rain. Overwhelming, powerful, and stuffy.

CLOTHING:

001. Three skull rings on each hand, on your index, middle, and ring fingers. It’s perfect symmetry, and they shine against whatever light might hit it. But they are always so very cold to the touch.

002. Black, black, and more black - but the occasional muted green or brown enters the palette. Never any colors brighter than those, however - it would be far too much of an eyesore for someone like him.

003. Three gold and black earrings on the top of his ears. Again, symmetry is key. Keeping that image of control and collection is exactly what he wishes above all things; that alternative look.

004. Combat boots, black and laced up to the top. They’re impeccably buffed and shined, though the soles look a little worse for wear. It must be all the walking he does at night when sleep simply won’t come.

005. Baggy shirts and sweaters, occasionally dress shirts, that hide his figure. He’s disproportionate, far too thin; the longer the clothes, the better he can hide how odd and lanky he truly is from his point of view.

OBJECTS:

001. His drawing tablet, always sketching something idly while at home and daydreaming. There are hundreds of random sketches collected on the pages, though some consistencies are quite visible if one took a closer look. 

002. His collection of various statuettes and figurines. He has placed them in detolfs for everyone to see, fawn over, and be amazed by. If anyone so much as looks incorrectly at his more precious ones, he will have a close eye on them in fear that they will somehow break merely by being looked at.

003. Signed copy of one of the few produced vinyl records of Oingo Boingo’s Forbidden Zone hanging on his wall. It’s framed, and he’s very proud of it! Often shows it off, in fact. He’s a big fan of theirs.

004. A safety deposit box filled with his biggest secrets - specifically a thumb drive filled with Annie’s e-mails to him. He backed them up there so he can read them on occasion and not have people discover them on his actual computer - he’s quite the paranoid man.

005. Post-its on the walls of his workroom. There is literally no more space for plaster, only post-its of notes and ideas that he has while he conducts research for his next project.

VICES / BAD HABITS:

001. OBSESSIVENESS - Look at him, so utterly fixated on someone who will never love him back. But what he feels isn’t love, oh no. It’s rather a completely unhealthy adoration and veneration of someone he felt understood him. But it is arrogant, of course, to assume that you are so complex as to feel as if there are only a select few who understand you ( in his very unfortunate case ). He has gone to horrific lengths to keep tabs on Annie, and does so as covertly as possible. Nowadays, he uses his intelligence to fuel his obsessive tendencies.

002. LYING - Covers the truth up with layers and layers of sarcasm and lies so that he, or rather his true self, can never be discovered. The result is that he keeps people in a web of extremely elaborate deception, the likes of which they can never escape. But there are cracks in the facades occasionally, they just have to be found.

003. COVETING YOUTH - He is so obsessed with youth that he cannot handle anybody or anything maintaining the status that he had when he was their age (20s, in other words). He especially applies it to himself, though no amount of primping and covering up the blemishes on his face can ever erase the fact that he’s slowly growing crow’s feet around his eyes, made even worse by the bags under them - and my, they’re growing a fine mixture of blue and purple, like fresh bruises.

004. UNWARRANTED SELF IMPORTANCE - He is completely self centered, and thinks of the entire world on his own terms. This is how he’s been wired ever since he can remember, and he always puts himself and his survival first. He makes friends and connections based on this principle, and has a great amount of pride because of this. It is unfortunate, but it is one of his biggest flaws and ultimately what has led him down the slippery slope to irrelevance and isolation.

005. LACK OF EMPATHY - On top of being self involved, he struggles to feel for the plight of others. In fact, it can be said he struggles to feel much of anything, as he worries far more for his current predicament rather than for the difficulties of those in his life. He will only assist or even understand if he can relate in some way from personal experience, or if it benefits him and his career. There is very rarely an instance he will help someone or something because he feels it is the right thing to do.

BODY LANGUAGE:

001. The aforementioned half-smile - the Jonathan trademark, something he has rehearsed ever since his career started to take off. Perhaps even before then, while he was still in high school. It is boyish, youthful, playful - and it is always followed by a sarcastic or joking remark.

002. Hands in pockets - The sign of deceit, hiding something, keeping his distance from you. He is very secretive at all times, and often feels uncomfortable in social situations, and feel better as long as he has his hands in his pockets. That said...

003. Wild gesticulations - When passionately discussing something, he has a tendency to make hand movements of all kinds. Circling his hands, stretching his arms out, pointing, doing anything and everything to get his point across. He becomes expressive in a rather charismatic way. It’s truly odd, considering how often he keeps his hands in his pockets.

004. Hunched over - Slouching half the time, his true height is hidden by this decision to constantly look as if he’s three inches shorter than he is. Rather it is a symptom of his insecurity over his appearance ( he does think he’s weird looking to begin with ), or from a life of leaning over a desk, he certainly rarely stands up straight.

005. Leaning on his right foot versus the left - When standing, and talking to someone, he always puts all his weight on his right foot, and leans to that side. It’s his dominant side, and it gives him his lackadaisical appearance. This likely helps people approach him in many ways.

AESTHETICS:

001. BIOMECHANICS. - Feeling flesh on metal is one of the most skin-crawling sensations, but Jonathan is fascinated with it. He draws it, he lives and breathes it, one of his favorite films of all time is Tetsuo: The Iron Man. Not because he himself would want to put metal on his body, but the very idea is where he believes humanity is headed in the next decade or two. Biomechanics, while cold, is something that gives Jonathan some sense of comfort - that there is a way to marry technology and flesh. Maybe he, too, can be a biomechanical humanoid - so he fantasizes.

002. GOTH ( AS IT SHOULD BE ). - A goth since his teen years, Jonathan knows the fashion and subculture inside and out; or at least, he did once. Though an ex-goth from his early 30s, he still maintains some interest in the culture all the same. He may have stopped dying his hair and wearing “goth” accessories and clothes, but he enjoys the lifestyle and still generally keeps it close to his heart. Just don’t call him Goth Bomb.

003. BODY HORROR. - Flesh mutating and intermingling with itself, a David Cronenberg nightmare that he experienced firsthand in his own dreams. Eyes in places they shouldn’t be, hair where it should never grow... the list goes on and on. It, like biomechanics, sends chills running up and down his spine in a way that excites him. Perhaps he is like Tetsuo, a man who finds a grotesque fascination in manipulating the flesh with the unnatural. But in this case, it’s how naturally manipulation can occur without the introduction of foreign objects, to word it somewhat scientifically...

004. SCI-FI HORROR. - The darkness of space, it’s vastness. It’s quite horrifying, the more he thinks about it. But it’s exciting too. All the possibilities that lie in the stars, all the worlds he could visit as someone quite tired of Earth... but what horrors await behind each planet, each moon, even within each star? They would simply jump at the chance to devour an unimportant human whole, and Jonathan is unsure if he wants to take that chance. All the same, he dreams of that world, hoping that one day he may get to experience it - but, perhaps, from a distance. 

005. DEEP COLORS IN CINEMATOGRAPHY / CHIAROSCURO. - Intense lighting, mood lighting, anything that brings out the terror or intensity of a scene is something Jonathan imitates in his works. By deep colors, it is meant that he adores the use of intense reds, blues, and purples in cinema - these often pop up in his work as mood lighting for his set pieces. They signal to him a fantasy world that is not our own. Chiaroscuro simply refers to the film noir technique that he grew to adore from a young age. The harsh black against white, signalling mystery and evil lying behind every corner entranced that young and intelligent mind, sparked his terrified imagination to what monsters could hide in the faces of his favorite noir protagonists...

SONGS / PIECES:

001. montezuma ── fleet foxes 

002. little lennon ──   asian kung fu generation

003. sabertooth tiger   ──   cage the elephant

004. controller   ──   oingo boingo

005. dark entries  ── bauhaus

[donttellthemangosiwashere]

Sanders Sides RPG AU

Ok so hear me out

new au, Dungeons and Dragons / Savage Worlds / generalized RPG, work in progress, definitely gonna draw for it so dont worry about that

hoping to make it into an ask blog if there’s interest, or if there isnt, because I still like it lol

definitely a lot still mold-able here, if you have some ideas or additions or head cannons to add, please pile them on! :D

LOGAN - (moon elf) Half-elf, Lore Bard (wizard was too obvious) - inspires through teaching moments, inspirational speaking, encouragement, and maybe a rap or poem on a special day - despises the stereotype that all bards sing and dance - raised by the elven parent, this + longer lifespan = detachment from emotion - Wisdom and Intelligence high, Charisma and Strength mid, Dexterity and Constitution low - Lawful Neutral (doesn't bother himself much with arbitrary rules of morality but definitely isn't evil) - Weaknesses: bad at emotions, tends to over-speak, short fuse

PATTON - Stout Halfling, Open Hand Monk - loves good food and companionship - focus on the wellness of the body and purity of the heart and soul - calls himself a ‘way of the open arms’ monk (hugs!) - Dexterity and Wisdom high, Charisma and Constitution mid, Intelligence and Strength low - Lawful Good (lying bad, stealing bad, killing bad) - Weaknesses: a bit judge-y and strict(practically raised by a bunch of old monks and a therapist, he cant help it), quick to trust, fear of spiders

ROMAN - Protector Aasimar, Oath of the Crown Paladin (bard was too obvious) - son of Sune, goddess of beauty and passion and the color red, who really just lets him do his own thing cause she's about as close to 'drunk/cool mom but to the point of negligence' that you can get while still being loved by ur son - so, stick with me here, paladins get their powers from their belief in what they swore their oath to, right? - ideas are EITHER boy is a prince literally/emotionally and swore an oath to himself like a g OR he swore an oath to his king, thomas - either is wholesome and good - Charisma and Strength high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Constitution and Intelligence low - Chaotic Good (will break the rules to do what he knows is right, happens to do so frequently) - Weaknesses: super-inflated ego, insecurity issues, v strong but not actually very hardy

VIRGIL - Drow, Wild Magic Sorcerer - during an event he doesn't remember well, while travelling with his old party, they came across Some Shit® that sorta fucked them all up - he went into the experience without magic and came out of it with magic he couldn't control and some pretty bad nerves about some impending doom something something he doesnt remember - left his old party cause he didn't want to hurt them, found three new guys after a while - Strength and Constitution high, Intelligence and Dexterity mid, Wisdom and Charisma low - Lawful Neutral (follows his own code of rules, not necessarily the laws of the land) - Weaknesses: has some trust issues, Some Shit®-related/induced nightmares keeping him from sleeping good, can't control his powers and lost confidence in his previous skills (range-based fighter)

DECEIT - Yuan-ti Pureblood (I mean, clearly), Warlock (either great old one or demonic, still deciding on that) - one one of them who remembers the Some Shit®, came out of it with a deal, knowledge he can't safely share, and some new powers - seems to want the best for everyone, but harbors so many secrets... can he be trusted? - Charisma and Intelligence high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Strength and Constitution low - True Neutral (driven purely by self preservation and personal goals, not 'good' but def not evil) - Weaknesses: compulsive liar, short patience, the awareness of impending doom

REMUS - Fallen Aasimar, Wild Soul Barbarian - son of Sune, goddess of beauty and passion, brother of Roman. Mom hardly talks to either of them if at all, but they're pretty sure Roman is the favorite. Remus doesn't appreciate that her views of beauty are so restricted to traditionally attractive things, and started wearing green as part of a rebellious phase, but it really stuck when he started hanging around faries and they seemed to like it so much. (his mom is mega petty and condemmed him as fallen when he said red wasn't his favorite color. this is not a joke) - spent a lot of time planehopping to the nearby feywild, underdark, and shadowfell, met some strange people, and adpoted some strange tendencies and beliefs - Met virgil first, then they found deciet, becoming The Boys® - also saw the Some Shit®, doesnt remember it, but pretty sure that's because it just wasn't very interesting compared to a usual Saturday - Constitution and Strength high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Charisma and Intelligence low - Chaotic Chaotic (he cannot be defined with a moral tag and you know he can't) - Weaknesses: unpredictable to the extreme, some inadequacy issues, maybe crazy a little bit This is a fantasy world with several of Thomas and Friends and various skit characters inside, as follows: (I only have thomas joan and talyn rn, no idea for terrence and valerie and camden and the others yet... any ideas lol)(i hope i'm spelling everyone's names right)

REMY - Half-Elf, Inquisitive Rogue - Logan's older brother, formerly a spy for the kingdom they live in, actually very high level but prefers to sleep and otherwise do absolutely nothing - obscenely good at reading people, which Logan desperately envies - hangs around picani a lot, used to go to him for therapy (wouldnt tell logan what about) but now they're just good bros - Charisma and Dexterity high, Constitution Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Strength low (higher levels, less lows) - True Neutral - Weaknesses: debilitatingly lazy, blunt, Curious with a capital C

EMILE PICANI - Lightfoot Halfling, Circle of Dreams Druid - uses his abilities to read and sooth people really well and works as a therapist - sweet boy and housemate to patton, known each other since patton was a child - also pretty high level but doesnt really use it - Charisma and Wisdom high, Dexterity Constitution and Intellegence mid, Strength low - Lawful Good - Weaknesses: first language is refrences, refuses to display negative emotions (more of a 'i will philosophy and cartoon my way out of my sad asap' than an emotion-bottler, but don't put it past him) THOMAS

- Human, Glamour Bard (pretty 👏 boy 👏) - inspires through singing, dancing, performing, encouragement, speeches, literally breathing - Charisma and Intelligence high, Dexterity Strength and Wisdom mid, Constitution low - Lawful Good - Weaknesses: quick to trust and sympathize, puts others first (strengths AND weaknesses) - Lord of base town, with Joan and others as his Advisers

JOAN - Tiefling, Mastermind Rogue (sneaky spooky smart one, good with knowing about people without being necessarily good with people) - Thomas's primary adviser and master of secrets, Remy worked for them - looks scary, very pure. cuts cute little horn holes in their beanie for god's sake i mean come on - Wisdom and Dexterity high, Charisma Intelligence and Strength mid, Constitution low - Neutral Good - Weaknesses: You assume??? Joan can be bested??? Joan cannot be killed. Joan cannot be overcome

TALYN - Forest Gnome, Abjuration Wizard (protective spells) (cute small) - A prime adviser and Master of Knowledge (lore, history, scientific developments, etc) - favors defensive and ally-boosting spells - Logan's teacher; Logan respects and admires them very very much - Intelligence and Charisma high, Dexterity Constitution and Wisdom mid, Strength low - Neutral Good - Weaknesses: its Talyn, Talyn has no weaknesses. thoughts?? interest?? suggestions?? thank you for reading this long post lol

[elialys]

Tentoo x Rose - Homecoming

I completed ‘Calluses’ (what I call my tentoo x rose ‘origin story’) a couple weeks back, already knowing back then that I would write more about these two because I’m having a lot of feels. Actually, most of this was written probably about 12 hours after I finished Calluses. It also happens to take place probably about 6 hours after the end of Calluses. Even though I’n not planning for this series of stories to be necessarily linear but oh well. 

I don’t think it’s necessary for you to have read Calluses to understand this, it’s mostly fluff and smut, but I’ll still encourage you to read the other one first, as it gives more depth to these scenes.

This is dedicated to my own metacrisis Laura (@spazmatazz) who literally gave me the idea for the first half of this fic. The smutty half is all from my brain. You can read this story on [AO3].

(I’m cautiously tagging @doctorroseprompts, because I think this fits with the prompt of new beginnings? I’ve never done this before so let me know if I’m doing it wrong!)

...

HOMECOMING

By the time they make it to her flat, they’re both getting a bit cranky.

Although the flight itself was only a couple hours long, many more hours have passed since they left that hotel in Norway. Lost as they’d been in their little bubble, they’d failed to realise they were coming back at the tail end of an extended weekend…which meant bigger crowds, longer waiting times, and unforeseen flight delays that snowballed into more waiting times as the day progressed.

They sat in that plane for a good hour and a half before it was allowed to take off. Once they touched down at Heathrow, they had to wait another forty-five minutes before being let out of the plane.

Through this whole ordeal, they happened to be seated right across the aisle from a single mother with two extremely unhappy young children.

The Doctor, while initially patient, stopped smiling around Hour Three of their endless commute out of Norway. When he started responding to her in mere grunts instead of actual sentences, Rose stopped trying altogether.

(All that without mentioning the half-an-hour wait to retrieve the damn suitcase, or the fact that they decided to brave the London underground for another forty minutes after they spotted the long taxi queue outside the airport.)

Hence them being a bit cranky by the time they make it to her place, something they’re both trying to conceal from the other with tensed smiles every time they make eye contact, when really, there is no denying how abysmal this has been. Rose is not feeling any better when she lets them inside at last.

Her flat, although decent, is neither big nor homey.

It’s small because that’s all she could afford in London on her Torchwood salary. She knows all she’d have to do is ask to be given a ridiculous amount of money by her ridiculously rich parents, but she’s been determined to be as independent as possible ever since she realised she was going to be stuck here for longer than she thought.

The lack of homey feel is due exclusively to the fact that she’s spent little to no time actually living here in the three-and-half years since she’s moved in. She hadn’t lied to him when she’d said most of her life in this universe had been spent trying to leave it. The place possesses the bare necessities, but little else.

No hint of personal taste, not much in term of comfort, and not a single photograph to be found anywhere.

Rose did not exactly plan on offering him a thorough tour once they arrived, reluctant to let him see how empty she’d let her life become, but she did assume they’d have to go through the basics– here’s the kitchen, here’s the bathroom, here’s the bedroom.

As it turns out, they don’t make it passed the entrance hall – not initially. The moment she turns on the light and his eyes take in her small living room, she knows he won’t need to see much more to make the right connections. His expression, which has been furrowed for the last two hours, somehow becomes graver. When he turns his head and looks down at her, she forces herself not to avert her eyes.

She opens her mouth to say something, defend her lack of a private life, but she can’t come up with  a good lie. Not that she wants to lie to him. She closes her mouth, eventually giving a vague shrug of her shoulder, her cheeks warming up as she drops her eyes to his chest.

She feels his palm upon her flushed cheek, his touch tender yet insistent, the way it always seems to be, pressing to tilt her head up towards him. She follows the movement, leaning against him as he brings his face down to hers, his second hand already coming up and disappearing in her hair.

The moment she lets herself melt into his kiss, she almost feels the tension trickling out of her; judging by the long sigh he soon lets out against her lips, he’s starting to relax a little, too, soon pressing his nose into that small hollow between her jaw and ear.

“Can we agree not to do that again?” He asks in a pained tone, his voice low and warm…so warm against her skin.

She lets out a soundless chuckle, that exhale sounding more tired than she anticipated; now that she’s relaxing, she’s starting to feel the strain of their journey – not just the last six hours of it. They haven’t exactly been sleeping that much these past few days.

“No more kissing?” She cannot help but ask, a teasing note in her tired voice. He answers by gently biting down on the sensitive skin of her neck, and she almost purrs, her toes curling in her shoes as her fingers curl in his hair. “Fine, no more planes for now. ‘t was rather terrible.”

“Mmm…” he hums against her pulsing point. “Your ruthless No-Touching policy did not help either. It would have made that fourth hour so much more bearable.”

She smiles lazily, eyes still closed, comforted by the sound of his voice and the feel of his breath, trailing down her neck. “I might’ve to reconsider things a little…” she breathes out sleepily.

She doesn’t immediately notice that he’s stopped the slow decent upon her neck, too warm and relaxed now to mind this small change.

“Rose?”

She reopens her eyes; she’s a lot more slumped against him than she remembers being, having apparently started to…doze off, too. She blinks up at him, forcing her gaze to refocus. “Sorry. You were sayin’?”

He’s scowling a little, but there is genuine tenderness in his gaze. “Not much. Conversation wasn’t exactly on my mind.” His hand is back on her cheek, his thumb trailing her skin. “To be honest, what I do have in mind would be a lot more fun with you awake.”

“I am awake,” she protests just as her body betrays her, letting out a long yawn.

She doesn’t resist when he pulls her to him, letting herself rest heavily against his chest; she buries her whole face into his jumper, drowning her lungs with the smell of him.

“Bedroom?” he whispers in her ear, and she reluctantly unwraps an arm from around him to wave a hand in the general direction of her room.

He’s moving, then, and she has no other choice but to follow, still heavily leaning against him as they make their way through her small flat, stirring them in the right direction. By the time they reach her room, the big of her sleepiness has passed.

“I’m gonna wash up a little,” she tells him, her chin on his shoulder. “Should wake me up enough for whatever you feel like doing.”

“I’ve never felt more seduced,” he replies, pressing a small kiss to the tip of her nose, and she offers him half a grin, her tongue briefly poking between her teeth.

She escapes his warmth as one would tear off a bandaid – swiftly, and in one go, stepping away from him and walking to the bathroom’s door. When she turns to look at him, he’s already sat down on her bed, looking up at her with tired, miserable eyes.

“Two minutes top,” she promises with a small shake of her head and an amused smile. “Make yourself comfortable,” she wriggles an eyebrow at him, well aware that in his vocabulary, it probably means his clothes are not going to stay on for long.

She’s quick to wash up, a little more than two minutes, a little less than five. She becomes so lost in her thoughts as she changes into her sleeping attire, already thinking about everything they’ll have to do in the upcoming days, that she doesn’t realise how…quiet it is until she’s about ready to leave the bathroom. A ridiculous amount of scenarios pop into her head, wondering what he might be up to out there; somehow, the thought that he might have simply fallen asleep does not even cross her mind.

And yet...

Lying in the middle of her queen bed in some weird, inexplicable angle, half on his side, half on his stomach, the Doctor is fast asleep.

Rose spends an indefinite amount of time watching him, her temple pressed to the doorjamb, before she forces herself to move. He’s surprisingly not naked, only having managed to take off his shoes and the one sock, before he’d succumbed to that ruthless wave of exhaustion that had hit her, back in the entrance hall.

She moves swiftly and quietly, pulling the curtains closed first, before focusing on him. She gently extracts his glasses from the front of his jumper, digging into both his back pockets to extract his screwdriver and psychic paper. She spends some time sitting at the edge of her bed, after that, slowly running her fingers through his thick hair, allowing herself a minute (or five) to feel overwhelmed with incredulity and gratitude at her current situation. As always, it is a bittersweet emotion, never quite able not to think about her other Doctor, and the sacrifice he had to make.

Rose doesn’t allow herself to wallow; not anymore, and definitely not right now. She sets upon joining him onto the bed instead, which is easier said than done.

She find herself thanking all her years of gymnastic as she wriggles her way into his arms, unwilling to wake him up from his slumber, just as reluctant to try sleeping out of his embrace. After some trials and errors, and a few unavoidable shifts of his limbs, she’s managed to slip between his arms, her back to his chest. When she gives one last wriggle of her hips to bring their bodies closer, he startles awake behind her. He tenses for a moment, his inhale loud and somewhat panicked.

It doesn’t last.

As soon as he realises where he is, and with whom, his entire body relaxes behind hers, and he breathes out long and deep against her nape. When he moves, she moves with him, allowing him to wrap himself more securely around her.

One of his legs come across hers and he pulls her to him, finding her fingers and intertwining them close to her heart. He nestles his face into the curve between her shoulder and neck, his nose briefly nuzzling her skin, before he settles down, his warm exhales already lulling her to sleep.

…

Rose is first stirred from deep sleep when his entire body tightens around hers and he gulps for air again.

She awakes to the sensation of his arms squeezing her firmly to him, her back pinned to his chest, their joined hands now pressed tightly to her sternum, nearly to the point of discomfort. She doesn’t move, letting him take comfort in the feel of her, more pained by his loud, quivery breaths against her neck and what might be causing his distress than she is by his too-strong hold.

When she does move, eventually, freeing her hand from his grip, she reaches behind her, weaving her fingers through his slightly damp hair, her touch slow, and soothing. Her caress helps him calm down, his inhales and exhales  deepening as seconds, then minutes pass.

His hold on her begins to relax, too…until she changes the way her fingers move, using her nails rather than the pad of her fingers to graze his scalp. The Doctor shudders strongly against her back, his entire frame instantly tightening again.

She doesn’t remain motionless, this time, opposing some resistance to his hold, needing to face him, to reach more of him. He quickly picks up on her cues, letting her turn in his arms; he remains as compliant when she continues to push, until he’s rolling onto his back, and she comes to straddle his hips, half-leaning over him, both forearms upon his chest.

Their eyes meet in the bluish light of a fast approaching dawn, and she sees in his gaze a reflection of all these emotions she feels, bubbling so close to the surface. Lust, although present, is not what dominates in his eyes.

“You all right?” She murmurs, her nails gently scratching his few days old beard.

He swallows hard, but gives a small nod of his head, before both his hands come up to her face, tenderly clearing it off, pushing back messy strands of hair. His fingers remain buried in it as he gently pulls her down, until her forehead comes to rest upon his, and she shifts slightly upon him, her own fingers curling in his hair. The first meeting of their lips is soft, and loving.

It doesn’t remain that way for long.

His hands come down, both his arms encircling her to press her more securely to him even as Rose begins to move, prompting a reciprocal rolling of their hips. It slowly gains in momentum, until she’s swallowing his moan, his fingertips digging into her sides.

When she straightens up a little, his fingers release her to grab the hem of her shirt; she raises her arms, wordlessly encouraging him, and he swiftly pulls the garment over her head. Having already discarded of her trousers and bra before she’d wiggled her way into his arms, the removal of her shirt leaves her in nothing more than her underpants, while he remains fully dressed beneath her.

She almost speaks again, half-tempted to tease him about his terrible state of non-nakedness…until she gets caught in his gaze. His eyes have completed a swift, appreciative overview of the sight offered to him, and somehow, entrapped in the heat of his gaze, the desire to banter with him dissipates entirely.

She craves the feel of his hands on her instead, longs to feel his breath upon her flushed skin.

It must have shown, because he’s pulling himself up, then, his face soon pressed between her breasts, both his palms and all ten of his fingers splayed upon her thighs, digging once more into muscles and flesh. She buries her fingers and nose into his hair, keeping him close to her as her head swims with his intoxicating scent and the sheer feel of him, as entranced by his silent intensity as she was on their first night together.

His hands move over her backside, sliding beneath the fabric of her underpants, squeezing to bring her flush against him as his tongue and lips move, too, capturing her nipple into wet heat, eliciting hot sparks of pleasure that shoot down and pool deep within. She ripples into him as a low moan escapes her; although quiet, the sound seems loud in the otherwise silent room.

It spurs him on, his mouth briefly releasing her to graze his prickly cheek across the oversensitive skin of her chest, before giving all of his attention to her other breast. Even as she sinks deeper into the feel of him, already slave to that throbbing need within her, Rose becomes increasingly aware of the roughness of his clothes against her skin, longing to feel him, all of him.

The Doctor could have happily spent the next hour or two carrying on doing what he’s doing, enjoying this quite a bit, especially the fact that Rose is more than responsive to it. He’s forced to stop rather abruptly when she grabs both his shirt and jumper and forcefully drags them upward, soon pulling them over his head with unmistakable impatience.

A shift has occurred in her, changing their slow, lazy build-up into something more urgent.

He shudders almost violently as the cool air meets his flushed skin, every inch of it now covered in goose bumps. The chill doesn’t last long, as Rose swiftly wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him with a fervour that would be quite enough to chase the cold away on its own. She does much more than that, though, pinning herself to him as she deepens the kiss, seeking him, and he groans at the soft feel of her breasts, pressed so tightly against him. His jeans have become uncomfortably constricted, almost to the point of pain; that ache regularly fades, his every nerve prickling with hot pleasure every time she rolls into him.

When even that delicious friction isn’t enough to lessen his discomfort anymore, he tightens his hold on her hips in a silent request, hissing softly against her lips. She stops her movements, pulling away to look at him. Still, they don’t speak, Rose reading everything she needs to know in his eyes and the constricted look on his face. She pushes lightly on his chest, until he lets himself fall back upon the mattress.

She frees him of his jeans and boxer wonderfully fast, with barely any help from him at all, discarding of her last piece of clothing just as swiftly, so that the next time she slithers upon him, there is nothing between them but flesh and skin and heated air. Their bodies come together in yearning, their kissing somewhat frantic, now. She’s everywhere and everything, soft, hot, supple, and all his, all because of him, his fingers between her legs drawing long notes out of her that echo through the night as she shivers and burns against him, so that when she guides him inside of her, the sound they both let out resemble a sigh more than a moan.

She clings to him so tightly, keeping him pressed to the bed with her entire body as she moves, creating exactly the kind of friction she needs, judging by her raspy moans or the way her nails sink into his scalp. He lets her set the pace, swift, deep, and steady, content to let her carry him forth – unable to do much else to be quite honest.

The mere feel of her, surrounding him so completely, is enough to send him spiralling up and up and up with each strong sway of her body upon his, each meeting of their hips, pinning her tighter to him with his palms on her lower back to increase that pressure she’s chasing so desperately, her breath scorching hot upon his parted lips.

She comes faster than neither of them anticipated, gasping his name as she does so, before the sound dissolves into a long moan, her every muscle pulsating around him, clinging onto him with so much force that he might have felt pain…hadn’t he been caught up in her wave, her rushing pleasure triggering his own.

The Doctor keeps her close, afterwards, none of them moving much at all, her body deliciously heavy upon his, her face upon his face, his fingertips tracing symbols into the curve of her cooling back. When she does move, eventually, she brings her face to his neck, pressing a soft, lingering kiss upon his pulsing point, before breathing him in, slowly, deeply, until he’s humming his contentment, the sound reverberating through her.

She’s moving again, then, her breath so close to his ear, causing a familiar shiver to run down the length of his body.

“Welcome home,” Rose murmurs.

His laughter is soft, and low, and a little bit choked up, tightening his hold on her as he shifts, just enough for his lips to brush her forehead.

“Welcome home,” the Doctor reciprocates upon her skin, having forced the quiet words passed the lump in his throat.

They don’t speak at all, after that.

They really don’t need to.