#so many people trying to do good yet ultimately not getting anywhere cuz of the elitism and the likes

[thetiredstuff]

This entire Columbia University atrocity reminds me of how a student at my university send out an open letter to demand our university breaks their ties with an Israeli university and everyone could sign their name to it.

None and I mean noneeee of my professors from my faculty were on it. Many of whom I know are tenured. I’m in social sciences and humanities … fucking disgusting.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how elitist academia is these last couple of months for various reasons but my god it is not the tool of education it should be. It does not educate students like it should. My professors cannot even use their secure tenured positions to sign an open letter demanding our uni breaks their ties with Israeli universities when we are lucky enough to live in a country that has been primarily supportive of Palestine.

[minks-country-club]

Can we PLEASE take a moment to appreciate how Will and Beverley weren't forced into any romantic/sexual relationship?!?!

I see creators of movies and shows do this CONSTANTLY just cuz they feel as tho the MC needs to fuck everything and anything they can get their hands on. They do this for no reason whatsoever and often adds fuck all to the story. It ends up being forced with no chemistry. I despise it with a burning passion.

I will excuse the little thing with Will and Alana because it didn't go anywhere and tbh I can understand a romance between the two much more than most shows.

I can also use that example with Hannibal and Bedelia. It was somewhat understandable but ultimately didn't work out for obvious reasons. I think the kiss was pointless and added nothing. They could have easily taken that out and nothing would have changed. Which I think would have been better imo. I truly thought that Hannibal and Bedelia were going to have a very obvious romantic/sexual relationship in S3 so I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't and if anything was going on then it was very subtle.

I don't care for the relationship between Alana and Hannibal. Again, I understand why it happened but also, once again, it didn't go anywhere for obvious reasons. (I really like the fact that Alana ended up with Margot. That was as delicious as Hannibal's cooking)

The thing with Molly is also understandable as it is canon to the movies and I assume books (I haven't read them yet) but also it adds to/plays off of the storyline of Will trying to move on whilst simultaneously trying to keep that sense of parenthood he had with Abigail.

The thing with Margot and Will was very out of the blue and random but it was a little twist I appreciate because of the little subplot with Margots baby but I realise that I instantly forget how that baby was made in the first place. Their little one night stand in itself meant very little but the subplot was worth it so I'm not mad about it. It's fine by me.

The kiss with Chiyoh was very pointless and should not have happened imo but Will being thrown off the train was kind of funny so whatever.

BUT WITH BEVERLEY- HOOOOOOOO HOT MAMA (rip queen). I really thought that something was gonna happen between her and Will at the beginning. I thought i picked up on some flirting like when she was helping Will shoot and I literally groaned and said "oh here we go again with the pointless romance. It was inevitable but a poor soul can dream..." and then.....NOTHING!!! NOTHING AT ALL. AND IT WAS SO GOOD. JUST A BEAUTIFUL, MUTUAL FRIENDSHIP. LIKE A FUN FRIENDSHIP THAT REAL PEOPLE HAVE. WHERE THEY KIND OF FLIRT BUT MEANS BUM-FUCK ALL.

I am truly grateful at how innocent their relationship is. It was very pure and platonic and wonderful because that's all it ever was and was going to be. They had so many chances to make them a couple and they didn't and I'm so happy it didn't.

I'm in no way saying that every relationship in a show/movie HAS to have meaning or something. Not at all, as I have previously said, I can appreciate a brief relationship. I just think that when a MC relationship is made to last and by being forced together, it makes the whole thing that much more unenjoyable.

I'm just very glad that the show (for the most part) can recognize when and where a relationship can be formed and appreciate how that every relationship ends differently each time :))

Lmao can you imagine the absolute shit storm it would be if either Hannibal or Will got into any type of relationship with Freddie? I would have ended everything right then and there💀

[meteor752]

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

[yegarts]

“I Am YEG Arts” Series: Kristi Hansen

Photo credit: Ryan Parker Photography

Kristi Hansen. If the name sounds familiar, it’s for good reason. She’s an actor, creator, and advocate for inclusivity who’s disrupting traditional leadership models to create opportunities for equity-seeking communities. Impressed? So was the Edmonton Artists’ Trust Fund committee, who recently recognized her as one of their 2020 award recipients. But that’s not the only place you might know her from. If you’re lucky, you saw her in The Silver Arrow or Woody—her one-woman show that compares and contrasts her life as an amputee to other amputees (real and imagined) around the world. But as impressive as what she does may be, her greatest accolade is who she is. A person unafraid to look deeper, feel deeper, question deeper, and present truths that aren’t always put forward.

Actor, teacher, co-conspirator, and self-proclaimed brat in the making—this week’s “I Am YEG Arts” story belongs to Kristi Hansen.

Of all the titles used to describe you and what you do, which do you use to describe yourself? Is there one you hope to add?

I have started to refer to myself as a “co-conspirator” when entering an art practice. I am always hungry for a collective process and am constantly looking for how each artistic process can create an ensemble of co-conspirators who develop a language and community agreement for how we want to work. I am drawn to other co-conspirators who are “brats” (artists who are constantly finding ways to gently subvert and find new pathways in the process). It is my greatest aspiration to be a brat. ; )

What was it about the arts that made you feel it could be your community?

I had a sneaky feeling when venturing into my life as an artist that as someone who never really had a community growing up, the arts could be my place where people weren’t afraid to look deeper, feel deeper, question deeper, and present the truths that weren’t always being put forward.

What keeps you choosing Edmonton as your place to live and work?

I came to Edmonton in 1999 to study at the Grant MacEwan Theatre Arts program without any real sense of how special a place Edmonton is. I didn’t imagine myself still being here 22 years later, and yet the more places I work outside of Edmonton, the more I can’t imagine myself calling anywhere else home. After Grant MacEwan, I went to the University of Alberta’s BFA Acting program and continued to meet folks within the Edmonton theatre and arts community who inspired me with their DIY punk attitudes. I’ve always been attracted to folks who make their own paths, and Edmonton artists seemed ripe with that resilience and subversion. I always felt like transformation, curiosity, and FUN were at the center of so much of the work in YEG. I got hitched to a really cool Edmonton artist (Sheldon Elter), I bought a very affordable house in the Alberta Avenue neighbourhood (which I love), I can bike downtown in seven  minutes, I have a great dog, and I get to work with so many different companies in so many different artistic mediums. I am truly #LivingTheDream.

Photo credit: Ryan Parker Photography

More people are wanting to build inclusive communities and spaces that don’t exist—like what you did with The Maggie Tree. Tell us about that experience and the first steps you took to make it happen.

Inspired by the Edmonton “If you are looking for an opportunity, create it yourself!” creation method I’d seen in so many other Edmonton artists and art companies, my friend Vanessa Sabourin and I saw a need for more women theatre artists to work and create together and to be IN CHARGE of their own productions and careers. We started an ad-hoc women’s theatre company, The Maggie Tree, in 2007. We had no money, but we had a community of supporters: Azimuth Theatre had a small space at the time that they rented to us for a cut of our box office. Vanessa’s dad built the set for us. Edmonton art superstars Amber Borotsik and Lori Gawryluik joined us in the process. Lori let us use the Artery (which she was running at the time) for a fundraiser. Then we did a run of a show. People came. And then we were a theatre company. It grew from there.

We learned how to write grants. We learned and continue to learn how feminism is intersectional and how to be inclusive and welcoming to gender diverse humans and other equity-seeking communities in our practice of what we want our inclusive, feminist theatre company to be. I often get to sit down with young artists who want to know “how to do it.” Honestly:

1. Find a thing you want to do.

2. Find a place where you can do it.

3. Commit to dates.

That’s the foundation. Once you have those three things, you’re off to the races. Not to simplify the other producing aspects of getting something together (all that grant writing, contract building, budgeting, policy creation, and marketing stuff is hard), but I honestly find once I have the three basics decided, I am flying.

Is there a particular piece of feedback you lean on when days are tough?

I’ve had the good fortune of working with many amazing artists who have given me GREAT advice/feedback over the years, but I want to offer a mantra that I came up with years ago (Ha! How hilariously self-congratulatory of me, but it’s honestly my go-to) that serves me well any time I enter a new artistic process: We are going to try some things: Some of them will work, some of them will not, and we are going to keep trying. This mantra keeps me going on the tough days, and keeps me brave when I want to retreat into the safety of what is already known and maybe not as interesting.

Tell us about the role funding and awards have played in your career. What doors do they open?

I first started writing grants for The Maggie Tree as an individual artist to fund our productions. I learned the art of grant writing from Vanessa Sabourin, Steve Pirot, Murray Utas, and Vern Thiessen: All brilliant artist and producers who know how to weave an undeniable narrative and craft a beautifully specific budget. The Maggie Tree started being successful in our asks for Edmonton Arts Council, Alberta Foundation for the Arts, and Canada Council for the Arts grants. This enabled us to engage more and more artists in our projects and to start moving into being able to offer equity contracts for artists and to create viable work opportunities for Edmonton artists. These grants allowed me to advance myself as an artist and producer and to be able to PAY myself for the art I was creating and/or producing. I’ve been lucky enough to receive a few awards in my career that have helped to launch my profile as an artist locally, provincially, and nationally, and I am grateful to now be known inside and outside of Edmonton artist circles.

Grants and awards offer artists the opportunity to create their own opportunities and to expand their profile so OTHER folks can offer them opportunities, as well. Before you know it there’s a career in the arts in front of you.

What excites you most about the YEG arts scene right now?

I am constantly inspired by the younger generations of YEG artists coming up. I am here for the push for a kinder, more inclusive, more transparent workplaces (cuz let’s face it: Art is WORK, and as much as we love our art, we are still workers). I am excited for new art spaces: CO*LAB, the new Roxy… I’m also pretty hyped for new performance technologies being created right here in YEG with Moment Discovery.

Photo credit: Ryan Parker Photography

Tell us about your workshops and commitment to being an educator/mentor. What do you hope people will take away?

I am pretty into the idea of educating/mentoring folks by being led by them and the artist they are. I’m not interested in people changing themselves into what they think is marketable or palatable for whoever their “audience” is. I want them to be the best and most authentic THEM they can be in their work. When I work with a group of humans, I am most interested in ensemble training and dismantling hierarchy in groups. I return to the idea of the co-conspirator and the brats: How can we work together? What agreements need to be made in order for us to do our best work together? What are the rules? And when do we know it’s time to break the rules (cue the brat)?

I had the good fortune of many wonderful mentors who taught me so many important lessons and also taught me things that no longer serve me. I hope that for any of the folks I have helped mentor that they take anything that I pass on that is useful and let go of anything that is not or that no longer serves them in their practice. We are all on our own artistic journeys, but it is as a community—or ensemble—that we grow and move forward. Ultimately, we need each other.

You’ve talked about the importance of artists generating opportunities for other artists. Can you speak to that a little more?

I truly believe this is the way it works. When you care for your community, the community cares for you and those you keep bringing into the circle. I also think it’s important to nudge people when you see opportunities that could be good for them. Let them know you’re thinking of them. They may not have the confidence to apply on their own, but that little push can go a long way. There is nothing more encouraging as an artist than to know that someone else believes in you and your work.

Who’s someone inspiring you right now?

I’m pretty inspired by Carly Neis, Cynthia Jimenez-Hicks, and Cameron Kneteman (along with producer Mac Brock) as they continue to workshop and produce their new TYA play focusing on disability, Tune to A. They are being giant brats and being kind all over the place on this one, and I couldn’t be more proud of the accessible practice model they are building in their process.

Describe your perfect day in Edmonton. How do you spend it?

Breakfast on my patio in Alberta Avenue, putzing in my garden, taking the dog on a bike ride through Dawson Park, a piece of cheesecake from Otto, seeing a show (art show, theatre show, music show), then finishing the night off with a beer and burger from the Next Act. I’m a simple creature, really. ; )

Want more YEG Arts Stories? We’ll be sharing them here all year and on social media using the hashtag #IamYegArts. Follow along!

Click here to learn more about Kristi Hansen, her workshops, and upcoming projects.

About Kristi Hansen

Kristi Hansen is a disabled theatre artist who has called Edmonton home for the past 22 years. Kristi trained as an actor at Grant MacEwan’s Theatre Arts Program from 1999-2001, and then at the University of Alberta’s Bachelor of Fine Arts Acting Program from 2001-2004.  Kristi is the co-founder and co-Artistic Director of The Maggie Tree and the former co-Artistic Producer of Azimuth Theatre in Edmonton, AB.

Acting credits include Candide (Edmonton Opera); The Silver Arrow, A Christmas Carol, and Alice Through the Looking Glass (Citadel Theatre); The Invisible: Agents of Ungentlemanly Warfare (Catalyst Theatre); Mr. Burns: a post-electric Play (You are Here Theatre/Blarney Productions); The Bad Seed, The Jazz Mother, Pith!, The Scent of Compulsion, and The Ambassador’s Wives (Teatro la Quindicina); The Hollow (Vertigo Theatre); Small Mouth Sounds, 10 out of 12, and Passion Play (Wild Side Productions); Irma Voth (Theatre Network); Christina/Philippe (Northern Light Theatre); The Sound of Music (National Arts Centre); Comedy of Errors, Hamlet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, King Lear, Romeo and Juliet and Love’s Labour’s Lost (Freewill Players); The Snow Queen and Apocalypse Prairie (Azimuth Theatre); The Supine Cobbler, Monstrosities, Age of Arousal, Hroses: An Affront to Reason, Folie à Deux, and Hunger Striking (The Maggie Tree). Her one-woman show, Woody, explores the themes of privilege and disability in a reflection of her life as a disabled human living in North America in contrast with other amputees (real and imagined) around the world.

[concealeddarkness13]

A New Dawn Part 16

In which Kai plays video games, gets manipulated, and finds a family. Tagging: @ratracechronicler and @merigreenleaf!

Here is the post with the previous parts’ links!

I couldn’t sleep that night. Not really. I had been too tired the night before to actually think about it, but Rat had said we could be family. I had agreed, but I hadn’t really thought about what that meant. I had never really understood the concept of having a family who wasn’t related to you. It was like a foreign concept to me.

On my planet, everyone valued flesh and blood family, living in the same house with their extended family. If you weren’t doing that, you were seen as an anomaly. Taeo had had to overcome the stigma of living by himself to become popular. There were plenty of people who still whispered about it.

I knew that it was a long shot for me to find my actual family. If the jellyfish had me before I lost my memory, they might have killed my family when they took me. Or I could just never find them. Maybe it would be better, less heartache, if I just…

I took a deep breath. I just couldn’t give up. But it wasn’t a bad concept, a family that didn’t share blood.

I glanced over at Rat and Eli. I didn’t want to lose them too, not to the jellyfish, and, honestly, not because I got back to my planet.

*

Rat and Eli left for their date (yes, I was still going to call it that), and Rex and I went back upstairs. I had been thinking of strategies for Galoshlimb all morning, but Rex actually put in another game, explaining that it would be more fun for just two players. It was a fighting game with weirdly designed characters that looked like aliens.

As we competed against each other, he glanced over at me. “So…how’s life on Mars?”

I frowned over at him as my character died again. “Um…Mars?”

“Y’know. Back home an’ all.”

Oh. “It isn’t called Mars. I haven’t heard of that planet, actually. It’s called Versteria. And I guess it’s going good.” I shrugged. “I haven’t been there for at least a month, so I’m not sure.”

“Oh, okay. Cool, cool.” He looked a little surprised. “Any invasions as o’ late, or you kinda keep to yourselves on this Versteria?”

My character died again as I thought. “There really aren’t any invasions. There are already so many different kinds of aliens on my planet that we’re pretty welcoming.”

Rex opened his mouth to say something else, but I tensed as something moved out of the corner of my eye. I jumped up and ran to the window, and the shadow of one of the jellyfish aliens zipped across rooftops. I stared at them for a little bit before I shook myself. I had to go after them. Why were they even here? I had thought I had scared them off in Fre Jac-Mac.

I turned back to Rex. “Speaking of aliens, I just saw one of the aliens that followed me here. Would you want to help me pursue them to figure out more about what they want?”

He leapt up. “I’m gone, mate. Lemme grab my hat! Should I bring the blackthorn along?” he asked excitedly. He stumbled into his room and grabbed a battered old sports cap. The cap had the words: “Cryptid Seekers Squad”. He gestured at a dangerous-looking stick, which I assumed was the blackthorn.

I shrugged. “If you want to.”

He grinned, grabbed the stick, and ran after me as I left through the window. The alien hadn’t left my line of sight yet, which was a little weird. But I pushed that out of my mind as I followed them. What really mattered was that the aliens were still here. And I had to figure out more.

The alien led me to the street, past buildings covered in graffiti. I wanted to stop and stare, but the alien didn’t stop, so I couldn’t either. I would have to ask about all the graffiti later.

Rex broke the silence. “So whadda these chaps look like anyhow?”

I frowned. It almost seemed to easy that I was following this alien. As if they were slowing down on purpose to make sure I would follow. Great. “Weird looking faces. Hair that looks like jellyfish tentacles instead of actual hair. Steadily more see-through skin the farther down the arms you go.”

Rex whispered under his breath. “Wicked cool.” I couldn’t agree with that.

We seemed to be going toward a place in the distance where smoke was coming up. Was something burning? But then we made it to a dead end, and the alien turned around and grinned at me. “It’s so good to see you again, Kaira.”

I glared at them and pulled out my knife. “My name is Kai, and why are you still following me? I would think you would be scared of me now.”

“Scared of you? I’ll only be scared of you if you can turn on that light show again.” I grimaced. It could only be activated when I was hurt badly during a fight. Rex tried to say something in the background, but I didn’t listen. They laughed. “Then I’m not scared of you.” They paused and held out a transparent hand. “And if you’re smart, you’ll come with me. Don’t you want information on your real home, your real family? We are the only ones who can give you the answers.”

I sucked in a breath and shook my head. I wanted to learn more, but I couldn’t trust them. It wasn’t worth it to turn myself over to them. They probably wouldn’t tell me anything anyway.

Rex spoke up, louder this time. “OI! How see-through’re we talkin’ here, mate? I can’t see nothin’. Just a wall there.” He moved toward the alien, crouched down, and he prodded the stick he brought at them.

And the stick went right through them. They clicked their tongue and shook their head. “Unfortunately, our ruse was found out too quickly. See you soon, Kaira.” They laughed and disappeared.

I clenched my fists. I had let myself get tricked again. Shit. I looked over at Rex. “I was wrong. They were messing with my head. They can make me see them when they’re not there. Let’s go back.”

He turned to me, looking a little disappointed. “They ain’t…You’re sure? They can do that?”

I frowned. I should have known better. Stupid. “I mean, they could be here. But they could be anywhere. It would be pointless to try to find them. And they can do that, from what I know.”

“Like, to anyone?” He held the sides of his head and looked around suspiciously.

I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know. “I think only to people who were stung by their jellyfish tentacle hair things. But I didn’t even know I was stung when it happened.” I sighed and started walking back. “Sorry for wasting your time.”

“Oh…yeah. Whatever,” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets, with the stick having been clipped to a keychain. Cool. “’Pologies for all the questions an’ sticks.”

…Huh? Why was he apologizing? He hadn’t done anything wrong. I had led him on the chase that ultimately led to nothing. I frowned back at him. “I didn’t mind. Actually, I think your stick is cool.”

He sounded confused. “Thanks?”

That didn’t sound entirely encouraged, but hopefully it was enough. I looked back to the front. “Anyway, thanks for coming with me. If you hadn’t pointed out that there was no one there, I would have kept letting them mess with me.”

He jogged to catch up to me. “Hey, yeah, no problem.”

We headed back, with the smoke still in the distance. I eyed it, but didn’t ask Rex. He probably wouldn’t know why something was on fire.

It was nearing sunset when we got back. I hadn’t realized how far we had gone, chasing after the phantom alien. And when Rex opened the front door and we walked inside, Rat and Eli ran up to us. Eli looked worried, while Rat looked furious. I shrunk down instinctively. “Are you two okay?” I asked, trying to relieve the tension.

“We’re fine—where in Perdition did you two go?” Rat demanded.

Shit. She wouldn’t be happy about this. “Uh…I thought I saw one of the aliens. And I followed them…”

“An’ I followed her,” Rex said, then yelled over Rat’s shoulder at one of his parents. “So, no, I did not spend the whole day up in my ‘cave’ playin’ games! We got exercise an’ sunshine an’ all that goodness!”

Rat smiled, but her eyes were still angry. “You seem incredibly well-equipped to handle those aliens.”

Shit. Before I could say anything, Rex spoke up again. “Nah, but we didn’t need to, see, cuz they ended up not bein’ there for real, just in eye tricks.”

I couldn’t look Rat in the eyes. “I had thought that the aliens wouldn’t bother us again, so when they showed up, I had to figure out why. But I did ask Rex to come along so I wasn’t alone.” Hopefully, that would make them feel better.

“That’s good!” Eli smiled encouragingly. “That was a really good thought, Kai. Rex is strong, and he knows this city better than any of us. Asking him for help was great.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Rat seemed to calm down a little, not so much anger in her eyes. “Uh. Smart.” She stood for a second before punching me lightly on the shoulder. “Gave me a scare, though.” She flicked Rex’s hat. “You couldn’t have messaged us?”

“I had way bigger fish to catch,” he scoffed.

They seemed to be feeling better, so time to distract them. Also, I really wanted to know how it was. “So, how was your date?” Rex’s jaw dropped at what I said.

Rat’s expression remained neutral. “We didn’t eat any dates, or raisins or prunes or other dried fruit. We stopped for sushi on the way back from our trip to the forest, though.”

What? “So…it was good?”

“Yes,” Eli said pleasantly. I could not figure out if there was something else behind his words or not. Too aromantic and asexual for that. “It was. Thanks for asking. How was the rest of your day?”

Should I pry more? Should I just leave them be? I wasn’t the right person for the job. So, I just blurted out, “Video games,” and left it at that.

Rex’s eyes widened. “I think I left it on paused,” he whispered and sprinted up the stairs.

And now, we were alone. Rex’s family hadn’t come to talk to us. I fidgeted with my hands. “I’m sorry for running off after the aliens. I should have thought more.”

“Well…” Rat said. “You thought a little. That’s some progress at least, right? And nobody got hurt, right?”

I…I didn’t want to lose them. I had to think a little more before I did something stupid. I fidgeted some more and sucked in a breath. “And—and you weren’t lying when you talked about family, right? You’d be willing to let me be a part of it?”

“I wasn’t lying,” Rat said at the same time that Eli spoke.

“Of course, you can be a part—” They both spluttered to a halt and fell silent before Rat spoke up.

“Yeah. Absolutely. It’s a weird family, but you’re invited.”

I…I was part of a family. I wasn’t alone. I breathed out, long and slow. “Thank you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to return to my own world, and I’m glad I’m not alone in this world. I care deeply for you two.” I hesitated. Would this be too much? But I really wanted to hug them. So, I moved closer and hugged both of them at the same time.

Eli hugged back, wrapping his arms around both me and Rat. “I’m glad I’m—I mean, you, you’re—I’m glad you’re not alone too, or either, or y’know,” Rat said. She snort-laughed and ruffled my hair. “You’re okay.”

I sniffled as tears threatened to overtake me, but a few tears slipped down my cheeks. I sighed and relaxed, leaning into the hug. “Thank you both so much.”

They didn’t say anything, but they were both also sniffling.

[goldgalaxytea-fanfics]

Forget me not

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, M/M

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Relationship: Keith Kogane x Lance McClain

Characters: Lance, Lance’s family,  Unnamed generic doctors, Original Therapist character, Keith, Shiro, Hunk, Pidge | Katie Holt

Additional Tags:  Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Memory Loss, Amnesia, Healing, Therapy, Crying, Recovered Memories, Hugs, group hug, Kissing, kissing while crying, Boys Kissing, Langst

Words: 955

Summary:

Lance returned home after he'd been missing for months, except he had no memories of where he had been, or anything before his disappearance for that matter. Though when he slept, his dreams were full of colorful lions, space, and people in colored armor that seemed oddly familiar...

Notes:

I wrote the rough draft for this about a year or two ago and finally edited it last night cuz no matter how many years pass I'll always love Voltron🥺 

It had been a few weeks since Lance had “returned”. At least, that's what everyone told him. His family, his therapist and everyone else he supposedly knew all said the same thing. He'd been attending some kind of space school when one night he just vanished into thin air. But it wasn't just him, two other kids that also attended the school were missing as well. There was no trace of any of them anywhere up until a few months ago when Lance had shown up out of nowhere in his bedroom. At least, everyone told him it was his bedroom. He doesn't remember ever seeing it before. The posters on his walls displayed movies he never watched. The photos beside his bed showed him with people he never met before. The clothes in his closet held outfits he never bought. Nothing in there meant anything to him. Someone could tell him it wasn't his room and he'd believe them without a second thought.

His family, or at least the people who said they were his family, were happy to see him when he appeared. They heard loud noises coming from “his room” and had rushed up to see what the commotion was. They had all stood frozen in shock when they found him stumbling about "his room", confused about where he was. They had all hugged him and cried, but he screamed and yelled. He didn't know who those people were. They thought it was a joke at first, tried laughing it off as some prank he was playing. But as the moments passed and he continued to stare at them in fear, the hard truth finally set in. They had been heartbroken when they learned that he truly didn't remember anything. So they explained. 

They told him about themselves and about his life before he “vanished”. He listened to every word, every story, but a few minutes later it disappeared from his mind like a puddle on a sunny day. Once again he was surrounded by complete strangers and so he started to panic all over again. His "family’s” hearts broke even more. They kept explaining everything to him as they took him to see “someone who would help”. They had doctors look at his brain and what they found baffled everyone. The X-rays showed hundreds of lines all over his brain, skull and neck. There had been a severe amount of blunt force trauma to his head. The Frankenstein monster like healed seams suggested his head was cracked open like an egg.

Yet they had no idea what exactly had caused it nor how he had been able to physically heal from it. The amount of force needed to injure his brain that terribly should've killed him. Or if he was lucky it would've put him on the verge of death. Even then no human technology could've helped in time, he would've died within minutes from the wounds. There’s no way Lance should be alive right now, yet here he was…

That left his “family” even more confused. Where exactly had he gone? What had he done to injure himself so badly? How did he manage to survive an injury that was guaranteed to end him? Their questions were all left unanswered, for the only person able to answer them didn't even know.

They then learned that there wasn't a surgery they could do to help with his memory. There was nothing physical they could fix and magically make better. If his mind was going to heal it would have to do it on its own. The doctor said there was a small chance that with time Lance would be able to retain memories again, and an even smaller chance that he'd remember his old memories. That made his “family” sad, but they were at least happy there was a possibility of getting “their Lance” back. But Lance didn't know what to think of everything going on around him when he woke up on a cold metal table. He was surrounded by people crying their hearts out, scary looking metal tools and people in white coats observing his every move. He didn't know what this place was, or who those people were.

Lance started to scream.

☆☆☆☆

As time went on, Lance started retaining memories. By some miracle he seemed to be recovering. It started with his name, Lance. Then he was able to remember where he was, his house. And then he was able to gradually remember his family, all their names and who they were to him. After that he was slowly able to remember the stories they told him about them, himself and his life before the accident. 

Lance was also regularly going to a therapist (the doctors had suggested it, saying it could help him). He was even able to eventually remember her. She was a woman somewhere in her late twenties with long brown hair styled into a messy bun. Her outfit changed everyday, but her bright red glasses were always the same. Her name was Lilly. Wait, that wasn't right. Lilu. Her name was Lilu. Lance paused, trying his best to remember. That wasn't her name, it was a nickname. The woman said it'd be easier to remember and it was less formal than calling her by her last name. Surprisingly though, the first thing that Lance remembered about her wasn't her name. It was her glasses, or more specifically her red glasses. That was the only thing he was able to remember about her for quite awhile. He'd just refer to her as Red. But that hadn't felt...right. For some reason he felt like the name belonged to someone, or something, else. When he first told his therapist about it she figured the color red must be in some way important to him. Possibly it was the color of someone close or important to him. But Lance didn't know who or what the color was connected to. And that made him upset, yet he didn't even know why 

★☆☆☆

As he got better, he started to have strange dreams. He never remembered them when he woke up, except for a few bits and pieces. Space, lions and people in some kind of colored armor. The one that stood out the most to him was the person in red. Lance didn't know who they were or what they looked like, but he'd wake up feeling like he was forgetting something important. This left him frustrated. He was tired of not being able to remember stuff, even if it was just a dream. 

His dreams continued and it was always the same story. Space, lions, those people, waking up and barely remembering the dream, the feeling that he forgot something important, that person in red… Lance was getting tired of it. He desperately wished that something would change. Eventually, he got his wish.

It had been exactly a year since Lance had returned. Nothing about the day felt different, just a normal Saturday. He woke up to his alarm, his therapist appointment was early today. But when he awoke he didn't scream in frustration like he usually did. Instead he sat there, eyes and mouth wide open in shock. His dream had been different that night. He remembered it, he remembered all of the details, including what the people looked like. Except he didn't know their names. He was upset about that fact, but that didn't stop a large grin from spreading across his face. He was finally able to remember the dream that had been eluding him for almost half a year. Lance jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed, excited to go tell his therapist about what had happened. Lance hoped that this meant he was getting better. He didn't realize it also meant other things...

★★☆☆

He burst into his therapist’s room, excitement bouncing off of him in waves. The door slammed into the wall with a loud BANG. Lilu didn't seem to mind though, she just looked up from the book she was reading (something about Person Jackie and the Olympics? Lance was too excited to really read the title) and smiles at him. 

“You sure seem excited this morning, Lance. What's up?”

Lance grinned. 

“I remembered my dream!”

Lilu set down her book as Lance walked over and got comfy in the chair in front of her desk. 

“Really? That's good, Lance!”

The woman reached into her desk and pulled out a notebook and a pencil. She opened the book and then glanced at Lance, smiling softly. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Lance smiled and nodded.

“So it takes place in space. There's giant colorful lions and they fight a bad guy who's trying to take over the universe.”

His name is Zarkon

Lilu nodded, making notes about what Lance said. 

“Except they aren't actual lions, they're robots. And there's people that fly them. And when they combine together, they make one giant badass robot!”

It's called Voltron

Lilu glanced up at him. 

“Who were the pilots?”

Lance paused for a moment, thinking. 

“There's four of them.”

There's five

“There's three guys and a girl.”

You're forgetting someone

“The leader, he wears black armor and he's very muscular. And he has a robotic arm that's a weapon. How cool is that? His weapon is the ultimate bitch slap!”

This earned him a laugh from Lilu. She silenced herself and gestured for him to continue. 

“He's also the oldest and he acts like he's the dad of the others. He's really amazing! He makes the best leader. Oh! And he pilots the black lion!”

Lilu nodded, “Do you know his name?”

Lance’s face scrunched up. Trying to remember, but finding nothing. His head started to hurt. 

“No…”

Yes

“The only name I can think of is space dad.”

His name is Shiro

Lance stopped trying to remember the name and the pain slowly faded away.

“Then there's this big guy in yellow armor. But he's the good kind of big, like he would give amazing hugs! He's also hands down the best cook ever! He's a really nice dude! He has a big heart. He pilots the yellow lion!”

Lilu wrote some things down in the notebook. 

“Are you able to remember his name?”

Lance's head began to hurt again. 

“No, I can't…”

His name is Hunk

Lance stopped trying to remember.

“Then there's this small girl with short light brown hair, big round glass and green armor. She may be tiny, but she's mighty! You don't want to mess with her. I know from experi-” Lance stopped suddenly, gripping his head in pain.

You know from experience

Lilu put down her pencil, concerned about the boy in front of her. 

“Lance? Lance, are you okay?”

No he's not, he doesn't remember!

Lance stopped thinking and the pain slowly eased away. Lance let go of his head and smiled nervously. 

“Yeah… I'm fine… Anyway, she's super smart and good with technology! And she pilots the green lion!”

Lilu glanced over at him, still concerned about the man before her, but let him continue.

“Her name was K- wait no it's-”

Pidge

Once again his face scrunched up in pain, but he couldn't remember. Lance sighed and stopped.

“And then there's this guy who has red armor-”

Lance's chest hurt.

“-and a mullet. A mullet, can you believe it? But-”

Lance's eyes burned.

“-it looked good on him. He piloted the red Lion. He was my-”

Boyfriend

A choked scream burst from Lance as his face contorted in pain again, but this time it was different. His head wasn't the only thing that hurt, so did his heart. He gasped, struggling to make the pain go away.

Before he knew it there were arms wrapped around him, and without thinking Lance muttered a name he didn't know or understand.

“Keith…”

I'm here, Lance!

Lilu pulled away, her face full of concern. She held out some tissues to Lance. He just stared at her, confused. She put the tissues in his hand.

“Lance, you're crying…”

He reached up and touched his cheek. Sure enough, there were tears. He was crying, and he didn't know why...

“Lance-”

Lance!

Lance jumped, startled from his thoughts. He looked at her, eyes blank, mind racing.

“-who's Keith?”

His boyfriend!

Lance struggled against the avalanche of pain.

“I...don't know….”

You do know!

Lance cried harder, the pain getting too intense.

Lance…

Lance!

Please, you have to remember!

★★★☆

“Please, you have to remember!” He raised his fist, about to slam it into the side of the building.​ “You have to-”

The man’s cry was cut short. He stood there, unable to move, but his mind racing. His red armor shined brightly in the sun.

“Keith…”

He met the gaze of the man in Black armor and glared at him, but then he noticed his face. It was sad, and his eyes were wet. With a start, Keith realized so was his. Shiro cleared his throat.

“I'm sorry. I know you miss him and you're hurting. We all understand​ how you feel…”

Keith let his gaze wander to the other two standing with them. Hunk and Pidge had streams of tears running down both of their faces. Keith choked on a sob as he let his arm fall limp. Shiro released his grip on the Red Paladin's arm. Keith collapsed, sobs shaking his entire body. Shiro caught him before he hit the ground. The older man held him tight as he clung to him.

“Keith… I'm sorry, I really am… but we need to go. He doesn't remember us, we might make things worse for his mind…”

Keith’s sadness quickly turned to anger, an old defense habit of his. He knew it wasn't good for him, but right now he didn't care. He forcefully pulled himself out of Shiro’s embrace.

“How can you say that?!” Keith snarled, barely able to see anything through his tears. “How can you give up on him?! He's starting to remember! He's remembering who he is!! Who we all are!!! How could you just give up on him…”

The end of Keith's yelling turned into a whisper. He blinked the tears out of his eyes, finally able to see clearly again. Shiro was crying just as hard as he was. Keith glanced at Pidge and Hunk, both sobbing as they held onto each other. Keith screamed, his voice strained and pained as he kicked the side of the building. His foot throbbed in pain, but he didn't care at the moment. Keith took deep breaths and stared at the ground. He couldn't meet anyone's eyes.

“I'm… sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad or yelled I just… it hurts so much I just… I just can't…” Keith trailed off, still refusing to meet their gazes. He saw Shiro approach but didn't move. The older boy put a hand on his shoulder.

“Keith… it's alright. You're upset, I understand what you're feeling… I want him back too, more than anything… but, we can't. We tried our best but he just… he doesn't remember… I'm sorry…” Shiro tried his best to reassure him as he pulled him into another hug. Keith gladly returned it, eyes closing as he tried his best to calm down.

It was a nice moment, until he felt a new pair of eyes on him. Instantly his eyes flew open, worried someone had spotted them. When he found the source his eyes widened, hope daring to raise inside of him again. A few feet away, a pair of bright blue eyes met his.

★★★★

Lance didn't know what came over him. One minute he was doubled over in pain in his therapist's room, and the next thing he knows the pain is gone and he's staring at the people from his dream. He didn't remember hearing screaming from outside, he didn't remember Lilu asking him where he was going, he didn't remember anything about following the strangely familiar voices, but he did remember the people that stood before him. Silent tears flooded his face as he finally remembered everything.

He remembered running away from the Garrison and ending up in space. He remembered Blue, his lion. He remembered becoming the Blue Paladin of Voltron. Along with his friends, the other Paladins. He remembered every fight, every mission, every injury. He remembered how he forgot.

A mission they thought was over, ruined by a surprise blast from a barely conscious galra guard. Keith had been distracted, too busy kissing Lance in celebration to notice. As they pulled back, Lance had seen the blast a second too late. He couldn't push Keith out of the line of fire in time so he switched places with him. The blast destroyed his jetpack and sent him flying over the edge of a steep fall. He had landed head first, skull cracking on impact. The other paladins had managed to get Lance into a healing pod just in time to save his life, but they couldn't save his memories. He had awoken and panicked, not knowing anything at all. But no matter how many times they explained things to him, it would simply vanish from his mind a few minutes later. It had been a hard decision, but they were left with no choice. He was in no state to fight and they weren't able to look after him until he got better. If he got better… So with teary eyes they took him back to his family on Earth. Lance sobbed, how could he forget his family, his friends, his boyfriend?

A hand gently wiped his tears away. Startled, Lance's bright blue eyes meet violet ones.

"Keith!" Lance grabbed the black haired man's face and pulled it to his, smashing their lips together in a messy kiss. Keith jolted in surprise before trying to return it, his broken sobs making it difficult. The brunette pulled away first. "I-"

"Please tell me you remember…" Keith whispered. Words quiet, as if he spoke louder it would cause the man before him to disappear once again. Lance gave a small peck to his cheek.

"I remember everything. I missed you guys, even if I couldn't remember you till now." He said with a smile. Next thing he knew, Lance was being crushed by four pairs of arms covered in suits of armor. No one could tell who's limbs or tears were who's as the five just held each other and cried, so happy to finally be reunited.

"We missed you too, Lance."

Notes:

Fun fact! This was based on a short story I wrote in middle school about a Homestuck fan session involving my friends lol

[fmdxyoungjoo]

Fmdosaudition -- Our Song Audition

Premise: youngjoo’s audition answers to the questions for the audition for our song, and the cover of Aloha (Aroha) by Cool that she did using just a piano for accompaniment, singing in her own singing style. original song: aloha by cool  Word Count: 2377 words A/N: mentions of @fmdtaeyong and @fmdbyul cuz these two are great songwriters no matter what pple say

when she first hears about the fact that there’s going to be a show for music producers and lyricists, youngjoo almost jumps at the opportunity to showcase her talents, if not for the little bit of self doubt and tentative worry that she wasn’t as good as some of the others who were most probably or likely to sign up for the show itself. confidence has never been one of joo’s greatest facets when it came to reassuring herself with things--and so its with a strange sense of quiet resignation and yet soft determination that she’d hold onto the hope that she’d do well that she picks up the self cam and starts filming to audition in for the show. 

the first thing the camera actually does see is a clumsy wavering around of the room, and a half of a face darting in and out of the camera’s periphery. “is it..like this?” ten years and counting, and youngjoo admits that she’s still not that all good at doing some things like a self cam. she doesn’t like showing herself off in the spotlight when she’s off work and on her own, partly because she really--just doesn’t have nothing much to show, and the other part is because--she really liked being all off and on her own. self cam was a sense of scrutiny, and she always felt conscious enough of it, despite her naturalness before it. 

“hello!” her eyes crease, and a shy but abashed laughter bubbles from her lips. “sorry for the mishap there, but i’m pretty sure you can see my face now.” she huffs a little as she peers forward, crossing her legs as she pulls back slightly. she’s dressed comfortably in her mini little studio that she’s set up in her apartment--nothing too lavish or expensive, and just with the minimal but good systems that she needed to make her compositions, her hair pulled back slightly into a delicate ponytail as she reclined a little in her chair. 

“so what inspires me to write songs.” she peered slightly at the list of question that had been given to her for the audition, careful thoughtfulness flickering into view upon her face as she seriously considered the question, looking into the self cam with thoughtful eyes as she paused for a moment before answering the question. “well, i was inspired to write songs to--in a way give myself a voice. i actually started learning how to write lyricisms for songs only about a year or so back, while i started writing compositions for multiple songs probably about the second year into silhouette or so?” she scrunched her nose slightly as she tried to think accurately of the date. “yeah, almost about there. i thought to myself that since i had a good music background, and the talent for piano composition, why not challenge myself and try out composition for songs? it actually worked, which was a great relief because i thought gold star wouldn’t--” she covered her mouth, trying to stop herself from laughing at the thought of complaining about her company.

“i thought gold star wouldn’t accept the songs because they weren’t that good. which in all honestly, they had every right to do so.” she paused for a moment, eyes creasing into delicate crescents as she smile happily. “but they did accept it, and for a couple of years, i’ve seen my songs pop up here and there in various soloists tracks, which made me really happy--and really greedy at the same time. if i’m good at composition, why couldn’t i try my hand at lyricism?” her eyes flickered as she cast her gaze down slightly. “so i started trying to write lyrics. it was hard--really difficult to find the right kind of words to songs, since i’m such a perfectionist, but eventually managed to, after all recently a lot of my songs have been written and composed by myself, as well as approved by gold star for further use.” happiness contoured her delicate features, brightening the room around her. “its a secret to what exactly its being used for, but you’ll be able to see the fruits of my labour in august! so what actually inspired me to write songs was the challenge of something different and something new, and surprisingly, in that process of finding something different and new, i found that i loved writing songs, and that i was good at it, which changed my original attitude of treating it as a challenge to one of attempting to make my own style of music and voice heard through my songs.”

what is your favourite song you’ve written?

she spends some time glancing at the question with mulling silence, wracking her mind slightly over which particular song that she had written that she had truly felt made an impact to her. it was difficult--because she loved all the songs that she had made with equal heart and equal soul.

“i think...” she trailed off slightly. “for compositions, it would be to my youth, in suji’s album &ND. it was a composition that i had written while trying to see from my wistful perspective as a young person how it was that i felt about youth?” her hands gestured slightly as she tried to find the right words to describe her thoughts. “i had left a note with the composition with the words “to my youth” in it, hoping that it would serve as a source of inspiration to whoever it came to.” she laughed sheepishly, hand slapping slightly upon the armrest next to her. “i just never thought that suji would have interpreted the song in its entirety so well, and that’s why its become one of my favourites for compositions. and if we were talking about lyricism, i think the portal song that i made last year--Grown Up, that was the most significant song to me.” she held off her words for a moment, letting the rage of emotions in her chest settle a little into something more manageable, the flicker of an uncontrollable excitement fluttering into the light of her eyes as she heave a soft but trembling sigh. “it was the first time that i wrote the lyrics of a song.” she admitted a little shyly, fingers twining over each other in nervousness as she glanced up for a moment at the self camera. “i honestly thought that i wouldn’t make it with that song--” she laughed a little self deprecatingly, before brightening. “but it held a lot of meaning for me, since i actually managed to succeed in writing something that i felt was worth a lot of my own experiences to me.” 

are there any songwriters you look up to? if so, whom? 

a faded but faraway look slowly overtook joo’s eyes as she fell back into her memory, jolting back into the present as she felt the self camera’s eyes upon her, a little embarrassed that she had been caught having her mind race elsewhere at the thought of the songwriter that she looked up to. “i actually do have a songwriter that i look up to.” she admitted. “its knight’s taeyong, actually.” she lets the corners of her lips jerk upwards into a small little smile. “we’ve worked together quite a bit when i first wanted to learn how to write the lyricism of a song, and i’ve always admired the way his music artistry and style that i found in his songs.” she chuckled, knowing that if this audition tape got leaked to a particular someone, they’d probably both end up being highly embarrassed. her cheeks flushed slightly at the thought. “he’s also a veteran at writing songs, and i find myself listening to a lot of his songs and byul’s songs as a whole when i’m stuck with something that i can’t get a hold of.” she grinned, a flash of pearly teeth, cheeky and yet adorable as she laughed openly about it. “so yes, if there are any songwriters that i look up to, they would be knight’s taeyong and byul. they really do make writing songs seem so effortless sometimes that i get frustrated, but every single song that’s come from them have been nothing but beautiful.” 

What are your goals as a songwriter?

joo blinked for a moment, twisting the ring accessory that she had worn for the day in slight nervousness as she faintly mumbled, then sighed. “honestly, being able to hear my songs being used everywhere and anywhere is my ultimate goal as a songwriter. but not just that. i want the songs that i write to have meaning, to resonate with its listeners, that when they heard the songs they’re able to feel their tears, have their healing or feel better about whatever they’re not feeling better about. isn’t that what songs are meant for?” she asked softly. “music brings healing when used in the correct way, and that’s what i want as a goal for songwriter, and what i mean by giving myself a voice. i want to give a voice that tells people--” she hummed slightly as she thought of the right words that would encapsulate her idea fully. “a voice that tells people, hey its alright, i’ve heard you, and i’ve gone through what you did, so you aren’t alone.” she adds on haltingly. “its a big goal ultimately as a songwriter, but one that i want to see happen as a composer and a songwriter, because that gives me more inspiration and meaning to write as a whole.” 

What do you hope to achieve by being on this show?

“one of the greatest opportunities that this show can give me, i think--is the fact that so many various songwriters and composers and producers are all gathered upon this show with one creative goal of writing a song that receives the acknowledgement from everyone eventually. having this slightly competitive space amongst people that are good at their work doesn’t just make for a better environment for those that want to learn, but also a better environment for everyone to actually sharpen their own skills. that’s--my goal to be on this show. to share my experience, as green as i may be, and to sharpen my own skills, something that i truly think won’t happen without another person to help give constructive feedback or collaboration experiences.” 

...

rather than cutting the camera immediately after her interview questions, joo takes the camera with her towards the organ piano that she had and used in her studio, humming lightly to herself as she adjusted the keys and the sound of it from the regular classical piano to a special effect on the piano, fingers pressing on the keyboards to test out the song with a few lazy chords of the song that she was going to sing, fingers flying across the board as she played the first few bars of the piece that came to her mind. the piano hummed with a rounded sound, almost tinkling at the end as she pressed the notes on the keyboard--and with a satisfied nod, she turned towards the camera, beaming widely as she tucked the stray strands of her hair back and prepared to perform, stretching her shoulders and muscles to relax the nervousness that was bubbling up in the pit of her stomach and her body. 

“so the song i selected is actually a rather old song. not sure if many of you have heard of the song aloha by cool? or aroha.” she took her phone, scrolling through her music playlist for the song that she wanted. “i’ll play the song for a few minutes.” she laughed as the old song started playing on the phone, the strums of the guitar and the cheerful vocals flowing through the speaker of her phone for barely a minute, before she shuts the music off. 

“and now, i’ll be playing my own interpretation of this song, with just the piano for accompaniment.” she winked, laughing cheekily as she adjusted her seating on the piano, and the mike that was placed on a stand before her. there’s a sombre pause, fingers delicately curved prettily upon the keys of the organ as she counted to herself and begun the song, filling everyone’s ears with the soft tinkle of a beginning chord to what would seem like a ballad.

in contrast to the cheerful and upbeat tune of the original song, the way that youngjoo sang the song was ballad like--but yet still surprisingly cheerful and mischievous, never losing the edge of the song that set it apart from everyone else. ballad had always been the style that youngjoo was highly comfortable with doing, so it was of no absolute surprise that that was the style she was going for--rather, the surprise came with how light and delicate the piano accompaniment sounded. rather than the heavy but emotional chords that would usually accompany a ballad song to bring about the rise and fall of emotions, the chord was playful and lighthearted, the special effect and rounded tinkling that lay at the ends of the keys as she played a crucial effect into uplifting both her voice and the song. 

as youngjoo got more absorbed and at ease with the song, the more the lightheartedness and playfulness showed. it was amazing that something as simple as a change in the piano tone for a ballad being able to bring about a different playfulness and flavour as a general whole to the entire song, and affect in a way how youngjoo sang. it was just that little something that youngjoo was clearly good at, being attuned towards tones and sounds as a composer herself as she sent a cheeky little smile towards the camera, happily ending her little cover of aloha with complete cheerfulness and utter satisfaction. 

“and that brings me to the end of my audition! thank you, and wherever this goes, i hope that i’ll be given the opportunity to learn more from our songs soon!” she signed off with a happy smile, relaxing as she saved the audition and turned off the camera, uploading the audition video and sending the audition in for the new show as quickly as she could.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Question.... how might you fit Camille angst into Camboy AU? Or Asmodeous? You dont have to if you dont want to but I love angst

[pulls out fully prepared powerpoint] im glad you asked….

seriously tho, if you think that i don’t want to fit camille angst into this AU, ur an idiot. i always want to fit camille angst. come on anon, youre better than this.

anyway. AHEM.

warning ahead for descriptions of emotional and sexual abuse, transphobia, manipulation

ok so when camille and magnus got together he wasn’t doing cam stuff yet, but i’m thinking he was already considering it? like it’s something he wanted to do and had the means to and thought he could enjoy and make some money out of. i have mixed thoughts about his backstory here, like, maybe he was a college dropout? because he ran away from home because of asmodeus. and he had the support of maia - maybe they even ran away together since she also ran away from home? hmm - and raphael (who had lost his family and had been lowkey taken under magnus’ wing and so he left with him too?) and cat and ragnor whom he possibly met later? and he was in a new city where he didn’t know many people and didn’t have an income source and thus he was even more vulnerable to camille’s abuse. like he still studies the shit he enjoys and actually i have this half-cooked thought about how him, maia, cat and ragnor wanting to develop, like, some sort of substance to help clean the ocean but they don’t want to do it for a company cuz they want it to be easily accessible and not used for profit, so they kind of do it voluntarily together, and- i’m not answering the goddamn question what the fuck shit goddamn you stupid fucking brain youve been WAITING for this question

anyWAY when magnus first met camille he still wasn’t doing cam stuff, he was living with maia and raphael and living off gigs? and still considering going back to college at the time (but he ultimately decided that nah it’s not worth the debt when he is doing just fine being self taught). but he was still in a bad mental space and wasn’t very stable and that made him all the more vulnerable to her bullshit

she was actually the reason he didn’t start doing cam stuff sooner - he had the means and he wanted to, but. well, first of all, camille was a possessive, jealous girlfriend. she would do this thing where she would simultaneously tell him she didn’t find him attractive - from saying that no one else could ever love someone like him to more casual, offhand, even matter-of-fact comments about how of course he needs makeup, or just vague comments like “kissing you is so weird sometimes” that she didn’t expand on and left him to mull over - and think he would cheat on her with, like, anyone and anything, and being extremely possessive.

she wouldn’t let him go out with friends unless she was with him - and when she was with him, she wouldn’t interact with them a lot unless it was to be lowkey nasty and try to get them to pick up a fight. so eventually magnus started not wanting to see his friends anymore because it meant more stress and not a good time. maybe he even moved out to live with camille for a while? or she was just always there and kept telling him that his friends - especially raphael - were trying to pit him against her. 

and if magnus ever complained about it, she would say that this is exactly why she doesn’t trust him - because he keeps insisting on seeing them without her so much. what does he have to hide? and why isn’t her presence enough? if their relationship is not enough for him and he keeps wanting to be with other people without her, does he even want to be with her at all? does he even truly love her? if she’s not enough for him even as a friend, why would she be as a girlfriend? and she doesn’t deserve that humiliation, to be cheated on when she settled for him and gave him her all.

so obviously if he ever started doing cam shit, even if by himself, even if with her knowing, even if it’s not really cheating…. he knew she’d flip. she’d never let him. besides, she was helping him, right? she was rich and had no qualms about paying things for him, even if she was constantly commenting how embarrassing that must be for him. “poor baby, can’t even afford to look after yourself, need your girlfriend to help you so you can eat, huh?”. 

(it was embarrassing. not because she was a girl, but just because he never wanted to be a burden to anyone)

but anyway, if he had her, he wouldn’t really need to do something like this, would he? what would she even say? would she even want to stay with him, when he knew she found sex workers disgusting and laughable?

(there’s a little more to it, too - the comments about his appearance started to get to him. why would anyone want to pay to see magnus’ body, when his own girlfriend didn’t like it? when she needed him to make up for it?)

and well not to go on a tangent (altho it’s not really a tangent because it does apply to this au) but i do have this headcanon that i’ve been wanting to talk about but never had the energy to daouhsdaudas that camille gave him so much shit for being a bottom

like…. “what kind of man are you, who doesn’t even want to be the one to fuck? wouldn’t it be easier to just stay a girl?”. but not just that, either. also just thinking that the idea of a man wanting to be fucked by a woman is pathetic, ridiculous. she would never. and like, that is fine, because it’s not like magnus hates topping or anything, he just prefers bottoming. but he’s topped a lot before - he always wants his partners to enjoy themselves, after all, so it’s no big deal. so, you know, he’d top her, no problem

but with her, it always felt like some kind of test

during sex was the only time she ever praised him, except for when he decided to do what she wanted after they had some sort of disagreement or fight. but it was always full of these little humiliations - and not the good, arousing kind that he was into, no matter how many times camille told him to stop whining because she knew he liked stuff like this - like comments on his body, on his appearance, on his performance. the first time she saw him with a strap-on, she laughed and said he looked fake. “even faker,” she commented, and didn’t elaborate, but then was extremely offended that he would ever think she was talking about his transness, because she would never say something like that, she never had a problem with him being trans. why is he even with her, if he doesn’t trust her enough to know this?

not to mention sometimes she would just- recoil. not want to hug him, or cuddle with him, or any kind of touch really. but when he tried to fuck her, to make her feel good - that she wanted. slowly sex started being the only kind of affection or touch that he got, so he wanted to do good. to make her feel good. so she wouldn’t stop wanting to do that, either. he already knew she cheated on him sometimes - she just needed more. he wasn’t enough. but at least he was good enough to get to be with her in that way, and he really, really didn’t want to lose that

well, eventually it got to a point where he couldn’t do it anymore- just got so depressed and dysphoric and desperate camille pretty much threatened to kick him out if he didn’t stop being such a slack, and he said ok. he’d leave. he was done. he couldn’t be happy like this.

she let him go with a string of venomous words about how she wouldn’t miss him, and how he was nothing without her. and then he went back to maia’s and raphael’s, embarrassed and terrified, with apologies on his lips, as well as the promise that he would leave soon, he wouldn’t burden then for long, he just didn’t have anywhere else to go right now

when they saw him at the door, they hugged him so tight it was like breathing for the first time. it was one of the only times he ever saw raphael cry

“we were scared we wouldn’t see you again,” they said

maia was scared the next time she heard about him, it would be about his funeral. she was almost in that place, once upon a time

they put him in a blanket like he was a traumatized child, and raphael made him the hot chocolate magnus used to make him when he was in need of comfort. and they helped him get back on his feet

it took him a while to consider doing cam stuff again, because- well, first of all, he needed to heal. second of all, he was living with raphael and maia now. and third, he still thought it was a silly idea, that he wouldn’t get any clients, that he wasn’t attractive enough, and he definitely wasn’t good in bed enough for anyone to be interested in watching him. you know

but after some time he started considering it again - it’s way better than retail or living off gigs and the 3 of them are a little more stable now. and then maia introduced him and raphael to meliorn, and him and meliorn talked about it a little bit - meliorn was very open about being a sex worker and didn’t mind helping magnus at all, teaching him a few things to watch out for, how most sites work, and recommended him the one they worked at, which had a trans men category. and his interest grew.

he filmed a few things when maia and raphael were out at work, but was hesitant to upload it. one day he did, and- well. it got him some money, and even a few subscriptions, which he really, really wasn’t expecting

so he started putting up a few more when he could, and eventually with that plus the money he had been saving he managed to save up for his own apartment - it was small and in the same building/neighborhood as before, so he was still close, but now he had more space, you know. it helped him get more comfortable

not that it was a secret, raphael and maia knew about it and didn’t really care, beyond raphael’s usual disgust at all things sexual. but they were supportive. so all was cool

and that’s when cam stuff started being his main source of income, until he dived into promoting it and getting clients deep enough for it to be his only source of income. in a way, it helped him feel a little more attractive and realize that, well, people liked his body. it’s just camille who didn’t

still, camille was one of the main reasons why he didn’t want to do feature videos for a long time - when it was just him, he was in way more control. no one could hurt him. no one could get to him. no one was actually there to know how good he was performing, he just had to look good. but with someone else it might be different. and then he would feel like a fraud, and lose his followers and money. idk if anyone even still remembers the original post but i mentioned in it that when he started talking to alec, he didn’t want to make feature films, they just started talking, became friends, then eventually did a feature video and fell down that rabbit hole. so yeah, that’s why

and then there’s the usual, you know - magnus thinking alec wouldn’t be attracted to him because hes trans, wouldn’t have enjoyed having sex with him. when they finished their first vid he was like “wow alec is such a great actor” but in reality he had just fucking blown alec’s mind with the absolute best sex he’s ever had in his whole life. and alec’s definitely not inexperienced in this au

alec isn’t his first after camille - meliorn is, i also mentioned them having been fuck buddies before he met alec - but it still blows his mind a little bit how sex with alec feels just. good. natural. like he really allowed himself to get lost in pleasure and not have that ever-constant presence in the back of his mind telling him he needed to do better, to do more. and alec was just so respectful to him and never pressured him into anything and just touched him all over without shame and it was so good because with camille she barely touched him, she wanted him to do all the work

not that meliorn wasn’t good or amazing either, but with them it was scratching an itch, and there was still that pressure he put on himself even if meliorn didn’t. but with alec there was just this connection, it worked in a way it hadn’t in a long time. which was shocking, because he definitely, definitely wasn’t expecting something like this from a cis white guy

but then again he wouldn’t have ever agreed to do this with alec if they weren’t already friends and close enough for magnus to know he was nothing if not respectful, caring, and willing to learn

but there’s some point you reach with abuse where being abused just feels natural and like a relationship should be. after a while, the abuser logic gets to you. it starts to make sense. and then you get in another relationship, and that logic doesn’t apply at all, and they don’t even think about doing the kinds of things that the abusers did. and something just clicks. like even if you did understand that what the abuser did wasn’t cool or acceptable or deserved, there’s a sort of understanding it that only comes when you re-experience an actually good relationship again, and remember, after so long on focusing on the bad things, what the good things are like. and alec was definitely that for magnus in all universes, that breath of fresh air, that feeling of wonder at being genuinely cared for and respected, and realizing you won’t settle for less anymore. that’s the feeling of starting to heal, when you get to experience that but you don’t take it as “wow they’re so perfect and different from the others”. they’re just how it’s supposed to, and can be.

and alec just so happens to be almost perfectly compatible with him, both in and outside of sex. and it’s amazing, in a way he hadn’t dared to hope for, or believe in

so yeah. that’s what i think about how the whole asmodeus/camille ordeal affected his story, and his future relationship with both his job and alec, later.

[lilium-tenebris]

So this is a long rant about Lillian’s morale code, the Crest of Lovicelle’s secondary functionality, and the nature of Grima in this weakened state and how it colors Lillian’s relationship with it. Under the cut cuz boy am I going to get going long on shit. Yeah, this is really long but it’s also really important so *shrug*.

So the first thing I need to make somewhat clear about Lillian is she is not objectively a morally good character, not even close. In her interactions she has been exceptionally kind and friendly (to the best of HER abilities) in most cases and that is genuine. But a nice person is not always a GOOD person in the morale scale of things. Lillian only obtained a concept of good and bad from the occasional children’s book and what not and so her grasping of it is very vague and her ability to understand the IMPORTANCE of that sort of thing is low.

She isn’t evil though, in a typical 9 alignment system she’s a type of neutral though that can vary which of the 3 from route to route. For example Crimson Flower being the only route she becomes OVERLY zelous about the cause itself she becomes Lawful Neutral with Edelgard as the ‘law’ so to speak. In the school phase and many others she’s chillin more at a True Neutral. With the exception of Crimson Flower, but this still applies in it, Lillian is Loyal to PEOPLE not ideals, concepts, a morale system, anything.

She has striven her whole life to be accepted, you would think being the object of worship of a cult would give that impression but it doesn’t in her case. During her time in the Grimist Cult she was ISOLATED, other than strange dehumanizing worshiping rituals she was denied seeing any of her caretakers for any length of time BECAUSE it would humanize her. They did not want a little girl they wanted a god.

Coming to the Church of Seiros was NOT much better for her, and though it’s objectively a step up because of the way it made her feel she views it as worse. Once her connection to Grima came to light and the nature of it’s energy being restrained by her she was simply dehumanized in a  different way. She became basically treated like an artifact, a fragile urn with an evil spirit in it to be set on a shelf to keep the spirit at bay. Anyone with even an inkling  of who she was or what was going on wound up treating her like the plague in order to avoid being the one to crack or shatter the ‘urn’ in this metaphor.

She was only able to spend time around certain people that way such as Professor Hanneman helping him with his research, yet, even there she felt as though that was because of her crest. She was welcome there only because she was an interesting research subject, once again, not a person, whether that reflects his true opinion isn’t known to me and I’ll handle that on a person by person basis RP wise, yet, in the end it’s how she comes to FEEL about it just the same.

Then this years students come in and she manages to connect with Gabriel ( @sol-chorus ) my other character. That helps, he helps, but, Gabriel has his own problems and struggles that make him biased against other students, the houses, and just the system there under based on his experiences with his own crest. Not to mention he is not AWARE of everything listed above as she has been ordered to keep that ‘burden’ to herself as it is ‘hers’ to carry. So he doesn’t realize when he talks down about her joining a houses when she mentions it he’s pushing her into this cycle of isolation he doesn’t know ANYTHING about it.

So that’s where she winds up by the time she is pulled into the 3h main story and conflict by SOMEONE from one of the houses reaching out a hand. In most cases (minus one AU) the students have no IDEA about who or what she is or where she came from and she’s treated as a classmate, a weird classmate, but she’s not the strangest one certainly. And the more the first half of the game goes on the harder Lillian latches onto her classmates, her house, the Professor etc. she is finally somewhere where she’s considered a person. However, warnings from the church sill put her back remind her ‘what’ she is and that juxtaposition of that still haunting her against her new friends and allies is maddening and it takes her minor bitterness towards the Church and inflates it to a silent boiling rage. To the point that she won’t go in the Chapel, like, if she was implemented int he game during no months of any free time, in the WHOLE game would you find her anywhere near the chapel.

In a route such as the Blue Lions, she at least comes to accept a church that is at least fully under Byleth’s leadership, but, she still has lingering resentment for Rhea (who survives) and the old church for what she was put through.

Of course all of that brings us around tot he source of this, Lillian was born a Grim Witch, she was born this Generations Vessel/Host of the weakened spirit o The Fell Dragon, that has been falling deeper and deeper into weakness over the Millennia between this and anything else I’ve written for this lore. It will be centuries before the dragon’s soul can gain enough energy to even try to exist outside of a host again. This puts LIllian in a different position than previous hosts, it does not wish to destroy her, or rather it could not do so even if it wished because that would leave it right where it started. Instead it pursues a more ‘symbiotic’ appearing relationship with her. Because she has been able to hear the voice since she was a small child even when she was ALONE she was connected to the dragon and could hear it frightening and overwhelming as it was. As the conflict breaks out in 3H the Fell Dragon seizes that and Lillian’s new found attachments as a weakness. It may not be able to regain it’s strength and be rid of her but it can use her to decrease the wait time on it rebuilding it’s strength in the long run.

The Crest of Lovicelle acts as a simple magic attack increasing Crest for mechanics but, it’s secondary feature is to act as a road a channel between the dragon and it’s host allowing the host to borrow some of it’s power. However, Grima being ultimately driven by a desire to break free in centuries hence and destroy the world as it is known will not do something like that for free. In order to use this functionality of the crest and activate it’s ‘Breath of Ruin’ factor. This taps into Grima’s base energy and essentially allows Lillian to disintegrate something, walls, people, anything lacking in the kind of divinity Grima possesses can be destroyed by the dragon’s raw ruin factor. However, in order to open IT’S end of the channel Grima requires one thing in return. For each time it’s power is to be borrowed through the crest this way, it wants a human soul. It does not matter who or from where any soul now is able to help the creature regenerate it’s power faster from it’s current weakened stasis. And the point of everything above is to say this: Lillian in some ways is not OPPOSED to using this power, sparingly.

If these people who have finally made Lillian feel like a human being, people who have accepted her are in enough danger she will cave to this offer of power time and again. If her back hits the wall and she can see no other way to protect her house/side she’ll pay the price, one enemies soul (or if desperate enough a simple stranger’s) ceasing to exist is worth the price of admission if that borrowed power will save those she’s come to love. The only thing that effects this use of it is how OFTEN she uses it, for example in Crimson Flower there is a very ‘ends justify the means’ attitude through that WHOLE route and I could see her using this not nearly constantly but maybe 5-8 times throughout the WHOLE five and a half year war (maybe once in the academy phase it depends). Where as in say an Azure Moon Route where that sort of thing may not be as ‘acceptable’ to her allies she may only use it once or twice.

This is more or less despite her reasons for it objectively evil as an action itself, someones soul CEASES to be, it is GONE, they are something worse than dead. She is WELL aware of this fact, don’t doubt that she  is aware not only of this but, that each time she leans on the dragon like this, it becomes a little stronger and she damns some future generation a little bit more. She knows these things she understands them from an objective concept, she can write them on paper and explain them in words and yet-

She doesn’t FEEL them. At least not int he way most people would, she is not REMORSELESS not even close any time she uses this ability it shakes her and she may even isolate herself for a while to try and cope with the evil she commits. But she has a very ‘it had to be done I had no choice, i couldn’t let something HAPPEN to them’. Her allies are worth it, her friends are worth it, these people who would welcome her are worth any suffering, after all she was BORN a monster that is not going to change just because some people are kind enough not to see her that way.

That is what she believes that is what her ENTIRE rearing as a child has brought her to have resonate from her very core. Lillian is a very nice person, if you become friend or ally she would do anything for you to repay that kindness.

Emphasis on anything.

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 2.2

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, as chapter 2 began, Kaito took Kaede’s wish to heart and started constantly looking out for Shuichi, Maki found her lab and became consumed by the fear of people learning her secret, Shuichi tempted fate by noticing way too many details about the pool, the casino’s slot machines joined in with the narrative’s attempt to imply Kaito is expendable, and Kaito encouraged everyone to keep being brave and proactive, except for Kokichi who is still being a coward.

And now, time for more Kaito. I mean free time.

Shuichi:  “There’s still some time left today… I need to think of a plan!”

It’s a little odd how Shuichi often thinks something along these lines before starting a free time segment, and then just goes on to hang out with someone and talk about nothing that has anything to do with plans or escaping.

And by “someone”, I mean Kaito, of course! They’re not officially friends quite yet, but Kaito’s still been good enough to Shuichi at the end of last chapter and the beginning of this one that it seems reasonable that Shuichi would feel most inclined to hang out with him already.

But first, a little bit of asking around the others. Most people’s minds are on the Ultimate Hunt, trying in vain to figure out what the hell it is.

At some point in between when he left the dorms in the morning and now, someone changed the icon over Shuichi’s door to one of him without his hat on. Monokuma did, I guess?

You can also go around and examine things that have to do with the previous case for some bonus inner monologue, by which I mean you can take Shuichi on a huge guilt trip about not having noticed and stopped Kaede.

Examining the moving bookcase in the library…

Shuichi:  (Rantaro noticed the trick to this bookcase. Just like me… The only difference between me and him… is that I had someone I could trust. I wonder what I would’ve done… if Kaede hadn’t been there…)

This is a nice little observation that’s also brought up during chapter 6’s trial! I imagine that if he hadn’t had Kaede, Shuichi would have just done nothing, not having the confidence to follow his deductions through.

Miu:  “What the fuck is up with that Flashback Light? You can’t just mess with someone’s memory using light…”

Except apparently, in this universe, you totally can. Clearly they didn’t give the Ultimate Inventor memories of that particular technology in case she figured out what was really up with the Flashback Lights.

Gonta:  “Not even trying to survive… That even possible? Cuz everybody got someone who would feel sad to lose you…”

Gonta is one of the handful of people who are thinking about what Ryoma said instead. He’s so pure, not even being able to consider the idea of not having anyone who cares about you. Also it’s very him to be thinking of the idea of a reason to live not as having someone who makes you happy, but as the fact that your existence makes someone else happy and so you don’t want to make them sad by dying on them.

Kaito:  “You seen Kokichi anywhere? I saw him a while ago and tried to tell him something, but he got away again.”

Meanwhile, Kaito is still focused on Kokichi’s words about not co-operating and trying to make an attempt to get through to him.

(Doesn’t your Monopad’s map magically tell you where everyone is at any given moment, Kaito? No? Does Shuichi just have a special Protagonist Perk Monopad?)

Shuichi:  (Kaito and I spent some time looking for Kokichi.)

…and apparently totally failed at finding him. But that’s par for the course with Kokichi’s hide-and-seek skills.

I gave him the Hand Grips, which improve strength for punching.

Kaito:  “Are you giving this to me? Haha, you know me so well!”

…I mean, you did punch Shuichi last night and threaten to punch Kokichi this morning, so. Not that hard to figure out.

Kaito:  “You got something to tell me? Don’t hold back! I’ll listen!”

It is so very Kaito to assume that Shuichi would come to him for the purpose of unloading his problems onto him and immediately try and make the conversation about that. It’s a little bit forward of him to think Shuichi would be ready to do that already. All Shuichi actually wants to talk about for now is what it’s like to be an astronaut trainee.

Kaito:  “No problem! My training’s a piece of cake!”

Shuichi:  (Kaito was grinning at me, but then his expression turned serious.)

Kaito:  “Well, to be honest, it’s about as intense as intense can get.”

I like how Kaito starts out pretending that his training’s no big deal before admitting the truth. He knows and is willing to admit that it’s really very challenging, but that’s not the first impression he wants to put in people’s heads. It seems he’d rather people have this image of him as the heroic Luminary of the Stars who can do everything effortlessly.

Kaito:  “Alright! Pop quiz! What’s the most important thing an astronaut needs?”

I am very amused by the fact that one of the possible answers to this question is “a healthy body”. Yeah, to be an astronaut, you need to, I don’t know… not be dying from a mysterious illness? That sounds like a good start.

Kaito:  “And that thing is… Communication! The most important thing for an astronaut is teamwork. The universe is a frontier that the people of the world challenge together. And since we need to work together, communication is vital!”

This explains so much about Kaito’s character. He was written to be someone who is such a perfect candidate to become an astronaut that the space program accepted him even though he’s too young and cheated his way into the exam. So he needed to be given the exact qualities that an astronaut needs – not necessarily in terms of specific skills, which he can learn during his training, but in terms of the kind of person he is and the potential he has even before being accepted. Of course he would have to be someone who is really good at communication and co-operating with others and values those things so much!

Kaito:  “They check that in the recruitment exam.”

Exactly – all the other more specific skills you need, they can teach you during training. But communication is so important that you have to be talented at it already to even get in at all.

Kaito:  “Of course, I can speak Japanese, English and Russian all fluently!”

The localisation worded this line in such a way to not have him mention which of those three languages he’s speaking right now, because it would sound awkward for him to mention that he’s speaking Japanese… in English.

Shuichi:  (He can speak multiple languages, is well-learned, and has what it takes to be an astronaut. …I’ve been underestimating him. Kaito is incredible!)

Damn right he is! And it’s interesting that, despite there being a number of actual concrete reasons why Kaito is a pretty awesome person that he’s just been chatting to Shuichi about, Kaito never mentions those things when he’s talking himself up as the Luminary of the Stars and trying to get people to be inspired by him. There’s no sense during this conversation that Kaito is actively trying to get Shuichi to look up to him by telling him about all the skills he’s learning in his training; he’s just stating the facts like it’s no big deal.

Kaito:  “I wanna get back to training! The universe is getting away from me! The world needs this Luminary of the Stars to shine even brighter!”

…Well, until this line, at least. Even so, this seems separate – he’s not saying that he’s the Luminary of the Stars because of all of those things. This is something he wants people to think that he just is.

This is probably because Kaito believes he’s more inspirational to others this way than if he frequently talked about all the proper reasons why he’s talented. If he talked about those all the time, then other people might get discouraged, thinking they’ll never be able to do all the things Kaito can do and so they’ll never be able to be as talented as him. But if Kaito just presents himself as this general idealised hero who is The Coolest Ever for no specifically-defined reason, then that’s a much easier thing for any given person to want to aspire to be a little bit more like in a way that suits them. Most people aren’t going to be able to become an astronaut like Kaito is, but everyone can become a bit more of a hero in their own way.

(Kaito is so good.)

Shuichi:  (…I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m not so sure about that.)

Really, Shuichi? Because I think that Kaito still needs to be a bit more luminary in order to fully inspire you and give you the strength to carry on Kaede’s wish and end the killing game. He’s made a start, but he hasn’t done enough yet.

(Did you know? The word “luminary” means “someone who inspires or influences others”, but also “an object that emits light, especially the sun or moon”. Kaito’s self-proclaimed title is perfect for him.)

Kokichi:  “Everyone’s got it all wrong! I only act like a bad guy so you guys don’t get too soft, y’know?”

See, this is at least what Kokichi likes to think he’s doing – deliberately playing devil’s advocate to foster more open suspicion because he’s convinced that’s better than people pretending to trust each other. In reality, all he’s doing is decreasing the chances of everyone working together and managing to escape and survive and not have more killings happen – in other words, what he’s really doing is actually being a bad guy, if still less of one than Monokuma.

Tsumugi:  “I just remembered… The phone game I was playing is having a collab with an anime I like… and I’m missing it…”

Well I guess those are just the kinds of sacrifices you make when you decide to take a few weeks out to force a bunch of people to kill each other, aren’t they.

Meanwhile, Kaito is now hanging out just outside the door to Ryoma’s lab.

Kaito:  “Damn it, Ryoma… The famous Ultimate Tennis Pro…”

Seems like he’s still hung up on Ryoma’s behaviour, too.

Kaito:  “O-Oh, it’s nothing… Instead of talking about that, it’s a better use of our time to think of ways to escape.”

But he doesn’t like being hung up on it, and he certainly doesn’t want to show it in front of Shuichi. There’s no point in moping around when you could be doing something to make a difference!

Kaito:  “Alright! Today I’m gonna tell you about me!”

That’s what you ended up doing last time too, Kaito, but sure. At least this time he seems to have realised that Shuichi came to hang out for the sake of learning more about Kaito and not for the sake of talking about his own issues.

Kaito:  “You wanna know, right? Why I feel so strongly about the universe!?”

Shuichi:  “Ah…”

Kaito:  “Good! I thought so!”

Shuichi:  (I haven’t even answered yet!)

This might not have been quite what Shuichi wanted to hear about, though. I love how Shuichi’s so awkward and passive that he just ends up getting utterly swept along by Kaito’s ridiculousness.

It’s also interesting to note that when it’s Kaito making the choice of what things about himself he wants to tell Shuichi about, and not Shuichi asking to hear about a certain thing, Kaito doesn’t choose to talk more about his astronaut training and actual genuine talents. Instead we get… this ridiculousness that’s about to happen here.

Shuichi:  (So not only are you going to force me to listen, it’s a long story…)

I also think this is a pretty good indication that this event should be happening this early in the story. Shuichi seems mildly annoyed here, whereas I feel like if this happened after the training session in which they properly become friends, Shuichi wouldn’t mind so much at being subjected to this.

Kaito:  “When I was a kid, I’d go to my gramps’ place to play sometimes…”

Keep this in mind for a bit later when I’ll talk about Kaito’s grandparents. The fact that he calls it his “gramps’ place” and says he’d only go there “sometimes” implies that when he was younger (I’m picturing him as being about six or seven in this story), he wasn’t permanently living with them.

Kaito:  “After I found that map, I made a decision and set out… I went to the nearest pawn shop and sold the map for some cash!”

Shuichi:  “You sold it!?”

Kaito:  “There’s no way I, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, would ever follow a map to adventure! A life free from maps, finding my own adventures… that’s the life for me!”

Even though this is all just a silly game he played when he was a kid, that’s still such a Kaito thing to do. Of course he’d want to carve his own path and be unique, rather than do the same things everyone else would do!

Kaito:  “But the sea still called me, so I bought a boat and went on a voyage.”

Can we talk about tiny Kaito pretending to be a pirate and how adorable that must have been. (Apart from the fact that it never actually happened, shush.)

Kaito:  “Soon after becoming a captain, I met my destined rival!”

Shuichi:  “Your rival?”

Kaito:  “Yeah! The boss of the Great Pirates!”

I wonder if this “rival” he talks about was an actual friend of his who joined in his games or if he was also imaginary.

Shuichi:  (…So what happened to outer space!?)

Shuichi is so bewildered I love it.

Kaito:  “We clashed on the field of battle many times, to the point we became friends…”

I also like that Kaito clearly adheres to the idea that competition fosters friendship, whether this rival was real or not.

Kaito:  “But during our final battle to see who would conquer the seas… I could’ve won, but I’m not the kind of guy to be satisfied with just the sea. No! I’m not the kind of guy to be satisfied with just the world!”

Of course you’re not, Kaito. That’s why space.

Kaito:  “That’s why I couldn’t finish him off with a final punch… He got mad at me for holding back. We haven’t met since that day…”

…If this rival was a real person and not just someone he made up, this is apparently Kaito talking about the time he fell out with his at-the-time best friend. Which means it probably happened absolutely nothing like how he describes it here and he doesn’t like to think about how it really went. Getting mad at your friend for holding back sounds like the kind of thing Kaito would do – holding back your full strength isn’t being true to yourself! – but not something many other people would, especially not when they’re like six years old or so. So that part’s definitely something Kaito made up just because it made sense to him.

Shuichi:  (I’ll just keep listening…)

Kaito:  “Hey… it’s written all over your face…”

Shuichi:  “Huh? What is?”

Kaito:  “You’re not taking this seriously, are you!? If it’s boring, just say so! Pretending to listen is super unmanly!”

As much as I feel a little bad choosing the option that makes Shuichi show obvious disinterest, I had to, because here’s another example of Kaito talking about manliness. And again, it’s about being true to yourself – be open and honest about how you really feel about things, rather than trying to pretend you feel differently!

Shuichi:  “Ah, no! I’m not bored or anything! It’s really interesting, Kaito!”

…To be fair, I don’t think Shuichi actually is bored, precisely – just exasperated at how obviously made up it is. At the very least, Kaito’s story isn’t boring to listen to.

Regardless, Kaito decides to leave it there for now and continue the story next time.

Also, can we take a moment to appreciate part of the summary of this event on the report card, which was apparently written by Shuichi based on the use of first person:

“It went on and on. I have no idea where he is going with this.”

I’m not sure he does either, Shuichi. Kaito is such a ridiculous dork and I love him.

Shuichi:  “I wonder… how it was for Kaede…” (I’m sure she had plenty of reasons to live… That’s the kind of girl she was. But I—)

Shuichi is still being plagued by awful intrusive thoughts about Kaede’s death. To be fair, Kaede’s main reason to live seemed to be to make other people smile, which also ended up being the reason she died.

Monokuma:  “Oh, but Spike Chunsoft games are fine. They’re specially made to improve your focus.”

Do Spike Chunsoft even make games any more, Monokuma? I thought Danganronpa had been a live-action “real fiction” thing for a while now. Then again, there was that Ultra Despair Girls 2 poster, so maybe the games they still make now are just spinoffs.

Monokuma:  “Back by popular demand, it’s time for the motive video!”

Hah, popular demand indeed. They probably did an audience vote on which of the classic motives they wanted to see again.

This photo of Kaito with his grandparents is cute. They’re so proud of their grandson! …It’s a shame it’s completely faked and the “grandparents” are presumably just actors who don’t actually give a damn about him.

But from Kaito’s point of view, they’re real, so let’s talk about the fact that his grandparents are the most important people in his life. That one line I brought up from his most recent FTE implied that at least when he was a kid, he didn’t live with his grandparents. So it’s not just a case of his parents having died when he was too young to remember and he was always raised by his grandparents. Something happened with his parents at some point while he was growing up.

There seem to be two trains of thought among the people who like Kaito enough to have thought about this: that Kaito’s parents died, or that Kaito’s parents are assholes. I’m personally on the “Kaito’s parents died” train. That part back at the end of trial 1 where he gives advice to Shuichi on how to deal with Kaede’s death, where I mentioned that it sounded kind of like he was speaking from personal experience? Yeah, this would be that experience. It ties these two dangling unexplained subtleties together nicely. Kaito probably lost his parents while he was growing up – not while he was so young that it would have left a permanent, noticeable scar on his psyche, and also not so recently that the wound is still raw, but long enough ago for him to have developed a healthy, positive way of dealing with grief that he’s then able to try to pass on to Shuichi after that trial. It might even have influenced his more general optimism and go-getter attitude, since he’d know first-hand that life is short and so you should live it to the fullest and not waste a second of it.

I’ve seen quite a few people on the “Kaito’s parents are assholes” train instead, and their reason for it is usually something to do with the idea that all of Kaito talking himself up to be such an awesome person is actually because he’s desperate for the validation that he never got from his own parents. But that just doesn’t quite fit for me. Don’t get me wrong; I love characters like that whose outward confidence is just a façade born of a desperate need for acknowledgement. But that’s the thing: there are so many characters like that from other works of fiction that I like and enjoy and have spent a lot of time thinking about that I feel I’m pretty good at spotting that nuance, that subtle need for validation beneath the surface – and I don’t get that sense from Kaito right now at all. Perhaps part of the reason I feel this way is because of what I mentioned earlier in his first FTE, about how he never brings up any of the concrete reasons why he’s talented, which would be the first thing you’d think he’d do if he was secretly desperate for everyone’s validation. It really feels to me like Kaito’s confidence is completely genuine.

Not that I don’t also enjoy reading people’s headcanons about how Kaito’s parents being assholes would affect him, mind you, but I just don’t personally think it quite matches up with canon.

I also really like how, even though the deal with his parents is never explicitly revealed because of course Kaito wouldn’t want to talk about it regardless of which version is true, this is still a thing anyway. It wouldn’t be hard to remove it entirely – the writers could easily have gone with the most obvious option of having Kaito’s most important people be his parents instead, meaning nothing bad happened with them. But they did it this way, even though we never learn for sure what’s up with his parents – because the out-universe writers had an idea in their heads for what the deal was, and they didn’t need to explicitly explain it for it to still be a thing that’s true about Kaito that would have subtly influenced the way he acts, even if it’s only a little. Subtle character writing is great. Writers knowing more about their characters than they ever outwardly mention in the story is great. Kaito is such a great character.

Monokuma:  “Thanks to his exceptional talent, this young man is already an astronaut trainee! Wow!”

I love the audible air quotes as Monokuma says “exceptional talent”. (Screw you, Monokuma, we just established how genuinely talented Kaito is in one of his FTEs yesterday.)

Kaito’s Grandfather:  “No matter what happens, you must live. You must *never* give up.”

Kaito’s Grandmother:  “Please… live on. For our sakes, too.”

Monokuma:  “Their only wish… is for Kaito to live.”

This particular wish is very interesting. Consider the fact that Kaito’s grandparents aren’t real and don’t have any actual feelings about him and are just saying whatever the in-universe writers think would be most likely to make Kaito murder someone to escape. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t be a very good motive for that! If they wished for him to fulfil his dream of going to space, or even just to see them again, that’d be something that would actually require him to escape in order to do. But just living? The safest way to guarantee that in this killing game is to keep your head down and not murder anyone, while trying to avoid becoming a victim too. Sure, you’d be stuck inside this academy for the foreseeable future, but at least you’d be alive. Murdering someone to escape is significantly less likely to achieve your survival because of the incredibly high chance you’ll be found out and executed.

Except for the fact that Kaito is the one person among these students who has a deadly virus. If he just keeps his head down and stays here and doesn’t try to escape, he will not live. The only way for Kaito to live is if he can get medical treatment before his illness kills him, and to do that, he needs to escape and get to a hospital, in theory sacrificing everyone else here for the sake of his own survival. This message from his grandparents is trying to make Kaito feel more inclined to do that, once he realises what’s wrong with him. (Not that it’d ever work. Kaito selfishly putting his own survival before everyone else’s, even if it’s the only way to fulfil his grandparents’ wish? Ha ha, nope, not ever.)

…On the other hand, this could instead be a reference to the backstory with the Gofer Project and how Kaito’s grandparents would presumably know that everyone left on Earth is super doomed but at least Kaito will get to live. Apparently they were unaware that their grandson also has the virus and is equally doomed. That said, if this were the case, then you’d think everyone else’s motive video would also have the subject’s loved ones saying something similar, wishing for them to live on since they’re the only ones who can. The only other motive video we see that is an actual motive (aka not Ryoma’s) and isn’t explicitly connected to the end-of-the-world plot (aka not Kirumi’s) is Kokichi’s, and there’s nothing in there about his goons wishing for him to live on and spread mischief across the new world or anything like that. So it still seems more likely to me that the motive videos’ creators were thinking primarily about whatever would make someone most likely to commit murder, and only tying it into the overarching backstory if it happened to fit.

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[Next post]

[oceanivoxjoquainx]

Still not over Andi Mack. Not anywhere close.

I really need to rant and I have no one else to rant to (cuz my friends have never been into the same stuff as me) so I'll just rant to myself about this. I really love Andi Mack. Not just cuz of Cyrus and repressntation, but because the show on the whole is amazing from the theme song to the shows themes and honestly every character is perfect.

Andi herself is amazing. Shes a chinese american girl with a passion for crafts, nice, smol, and just great all around. She was upset when the whole family stuff went down of course but that girl bounced back soooo quick it was amazing. She handled it so well (Well as well as a 13 year old can handle something like that). Shes grown so much over that first season too and ot made me soooo happy to see it happen. She stood up for herself more and gained a whole lot of self confidence in the process. How she treats Jonah in the beginning of season 1 and where they are now is just.... Mind blowing and inspiring. People falling for someone and doing whatever they say is a serious thing. I felt it and did whatever the guy I liked wanted. I'm glad the creator felt the need to show it.

Next is Buffy. My mixed curly haired queen. I love her man she's a bamf and reminds me so much of my best friend its scary. She's athletic, super competitive, fierce, supportive of everything and no matter what you know she has your back. She has her own baggage too cuz I assume her moms overseas in the army maybe? They haven't gotten into her family life and that's an arc id love to see happen. Her relationship with my boy Marty from the party is super cute and I'm glad she has someone who can match her blow for blow because thats exactly what she needs. How she handles Cyrus is honestly the cutest thing and if they are literally me and my best friend. Shes like his mama bear always there to comfort and show him the way. She's like that with Andi too. Its beautiful to see.

After her is Bex. I applaud Bex because she's really trying to change and be there for the daughter. I admire her ability to just play along with her parents for so long just to ensure that Andi had the best life possible. Even now she's back she's helped change Andi so much. She's even grown up a lot since her return. She works hard like a mother should and reminds me of my mom. Doing everything to ensure her kids happy even if that means giving her up (tht scene almost made me cry tbh). She tries so hard and when Andi called her mom I was crying with her too. Bex is a good noddle, makes me proud and hopefully she can continue to do so.

Ham is my boy. My ultimate goal of being a dad. Not too 'cool' not too 'cringey'. He knows what's right for his family and even tho he's a sub to CiCi he loves them all unconditionally. He's soft but still firm enough to know what to say and when to say it and to whom. Alwyas giving advice and supporting his family.

CiCi rubbed me the wrong way in the beginning but then i began looking at life in her eyes and began to understand her. Her only kid got pregnant as a teen (16? 17 maybe?) And she's terrified that Andi would do the same. I still don't condone lying to your grandkid (Oh yeah Celia. I said it) and keeping them from their real mom but I still get it. I'm glad shes come to term with it now and decided to accept her daughter back into her heart and give up Andi. Like mother like daughter I suppose?

Jonah... Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. My fav little hearttrob. He has this gravitation to him that give no choice but to like him. He reminds me of my first love which makes Cyrus all the more relatable to me. He's charismatic, spontaneous, and a generally happy guy. I'm sure there's some back story behind those eyes but I guess I'm going to have to wait to find out what.

I even like Amber. Sure she was a snotty bitch in the beginning but she did a 180 when Jonah broke up with her. Who knew a she needed was a little humility to make her seem a little bit likeable? Everyone. But anywho. I can't wait to dive into her arcs as well.

I can't remember his name (I sowwie) but its Andi's dad and he has such a kid attitude to him its also hard not to immedeatly like him. Its refreshing to see dads who try as hard as him because so many kids these days have dads who really just aren't good for them. He loves his kid even though he barely knew her and they act so alike its hard NOT to see Andi's his child. He's just so cute about everything and he has his quirks which make him a very likeable character.

Now on to my untimate favorite character in the show, Cyrus. I loved Cyrus as soon as I first saw him. Hes such an innocent cinnamon roll and hes too adorable for this world and we dont deserve his him here and I just want to protect him and keep him safe from all the bad in life including heartbreak. Luckily he has Buffy for that. He's such an oddball with so much personality. If I was a character I would be Cyrus because he's just so pure and perfect. His whole Cirus thing was cute as hell and because he's such a princess it was nice seeing Iris take over when he couldn't. His obsession and attraction to Jonah was obvious from the beginning and I love how the situation was handled. It was all so real and just perfect. Cyrus was confused and alone and sad because he has these feelings for a guy which he's never felt before and not only that there's a high chance these feelings would be unrequited because Jonahs falling for Andi. Cyrus is such a trooper because there's a small part in him that even accepts that. I also love how he isn't given a label yet in the show because its honestly realistic. If you're 12 or 13 and having a sexual awaking you wouldnt know what to identify as and the fact that he doesn't call himself gay when he's talking to Buffy makes it even better because he just doesn't know what he is. And its beautiful how Buffy accepts him instantly without hesitation. That whole scene where he tells Buffy how he feels was so beautiful and perfectly executed. I love how normalized it was liek it wasn't a big deal at all but it was still important. I love how Cyrus' orientation wasn't the focus of the whole episode but was still felt throughout the entire episode. You could feel and see the emotion, confusion and fear in his voice and eyes and Buffy just takes those all away. Hes so amazing and perfect and I want a real life one. I know there's a high chance he and Jonah aren't getting together because of Andi and Jonah so I'm 100% sure Cyrus is going to get a whole other interest. Id love to see how the show implements him and I can't wait to have a ship that transcends my love for Jack and Ennis (and trust me Brokeback Mountain owns the keys to my soul). Even if Cyrus pines for Jonah until the very end I'll be perfectly happy and fine with that because its realistic. Also in my eyes Cyrus can do no wrong.

Andi Mack is a masterpiece of a show and I can't wait to watch it grow and inspire the millions of kids it already does. I wish I had a show like this when in was going through all this but I think I can settle for enjoying it for now. I'm happy the next generations are going to grow up being able to see the LGBT+ people in the world being validated and accepted. Ik this is a lot and if you've read all of this then you're a goat and the mvp. Thanks.

[chaoticfloral-arrangement]

A message to tumblrinas uwu

I’m gonna be really fucking serious here I might ultimately regret making my marvel idea post cuz y’all know how y’all mofcukas roll yo ass in here, so I’m gonna give y’all a message, a thing to understand. Cuz hey it’s tumblr! Yo honestly Fuck this joint! Y’all suck so much fucking dick I’m not even afraid to say it anymore. The people on here so fucking problematic and looking for someone to take their anger out on without hesitation I want you to take a chance and choke on that dick you keep sucking. I hate y’all so much I swear. But it’s a real fucking pity cuz the content or shit that I need sometimes is better here that of anywhere else. I don’t get it. How come y’all givin good content yet be the most whoreslut fuckers around?? Y’all can suck my dick too. Cuz y’all suck ass crack. And don’t you dare fight me on this or get offended. Cuz its the damn truth and sometimes it gonna fucking hurt. You just gotta shut up, take it, and accept it. And grow the fuck up. Y’all act like such dramatic asshat 4 yr olds. Honestly if y’all never existed, the world would be a better place. So either square up Or get the fuc k o u t Cuz I hate yalls negativity so much I’m calling you out on your on website. It also comes to show how much fucking ball I have now. Cuz y’all should know one thing: just cuz I didn’t know one thing, and I said it, y’all attacked me like I murdered a hundred dogs in cold blood. Do you know how long I was anxiety ridden? How many times my stomach would flip when I needed something from this website? You know how much I blamed my own ass thinking I was stupid for not knowing one thing? Did y’all even care to fucking a s k? No you don’t. Cuz y’all don’t care. All y’all care about is making people feel like shit. I changed my fucking profile just to make sure people didn’t try to message me. I tried to make sure to lay low for fucking months. Finally. Fucking finally I get the balls to make this post. And it feels fucking great. So I’m gonna say it again Choke on that dick while your at it You don’t fucking deserve rat shit I’m fucking done with my call out. Y’all needs a wake up call one day or another.