#so pissed he left lmaooooo baby

[heavyhitterheaux]

Who is in My House?

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: you are always going to continue to play with your husband lmao

Synopsis: "He just left, so come over" prank has Jackman in SHAMBLES

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Deciding that you wanted to play another prank on your husband, you started a group chat with all of the members of PG to get some ideas. You had been throwing ideas back and forth for about a week and a half when everyone agreed upon which one you should do. 

Everyone voted for you to do the “He just left, come over.” text prank that had been floating around Tik Tok and you already knew your husband was probably going to have a mental breakdown or be completely pissed off. 

PG would be going out to lunch, while you stayed home and pretended not to feel well. You knew that Jack would be hesitant to leave you, but you would have to reassure him that you were okay to make this work.

Clay told you that he would text you when they all got to the restaurant so that you would then send the text to Jack.

Everything was a go and you couldn’t wait.

“Baby, are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I don’t like leaving you by yourself if you aren’t feeling that well.” Jack said while pushing your hair up out of your face that had fallen. 

“I promise, I’ll be fine. Just bring me back something. I’ll just probably drink some tea and go to sleep.”

“You’re absolutely positive?”

“Yes, boo bear. I’m okay.”

“I love you and you better say it back this time.” Jack said while eyeing you.

“I love you too, more than anything else in this world.” You answered before laughing as he leaned down to kiss you.

“We shouldn’t be gone long.”

“Take your time, I want you to have fun. If I need you, I’ll text you.”

There was also one other person who was in on the prank and Jack was about to lose his shit when he found out.

No one other than Dua herself.

She was currently on her U.S. tour and she had a show tomorrow night in Atlanta. You quickly sent a text of the details of the prank last night and of course she was in.

About 45 minutes had passed when you received a text from your brother-in-law

Clay- He’s here. Everything is a go.

You- Lmaooooo it’s showtime

You ‘accidentally’ sent Jack a text thinking that someone was coming over to the house and you knew it would send him into a panic.

However, someone really was coming, but he didn’t know that.

You wanted for the prank to be a little different and that Dua would eventually show up.

You- He’s out with the rest of PG, you can come over! I could use the company.

Jack noticed that the notification sound went off alerting him that he had a text from you. He was hoping that you were okay and didn’t need him, but he got a lot more than he bargained for.

Knowing what was happening, Jack’s eyes went wide as PG was trying not to laugh and looking at the menu to distract themselves.

“Uhh, Jack? You okay?”

“Mm hmm.” Jack quickly answered, trying not to make a scene or make a big deal out of it.

“You sure? I mean you’re usually pale as shit, but it seems as if you got ten times paler when you looked down at your phone and read whatever wifey sent you.”

“I…” Jack started to say, but quickly stopped himself.

“What?”

“She was all like ‘I don’t feel good’ earlier and now I see a text saying that I’m out with yall and to come over? If someone is in my fucking house, I’m about to murder them and then I’ll deal with her. I guess she meant to send that to whoever and not me.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, it might just be Saweetie. I know she said she would be staying in Atlanta for a few days.”

“Nah, the way she worded it made it seem like it was someone else.”

“You worry too much. Y/N doesn’t have eyes for anyone but you. We’ve been wanting to come here for a while so your ass better not get up from this table. You see the way she acted with that Anitta girl and she sees how you acted with Giveon so do you honestly think she would do anything to break your trust?”

“Clay, facetime her right now. She might not answer if it’s from me.”

Clay simply shrugged and did what he was told.

It rang for a few seconds before your bright face came on the screen.

“Is that my favorite Harlow child? Hi, my baby!”

“Hey, Y/N, Jack just asked me to call you to check on you. He told us you weren’t feeling that well.”

“Well aren’t you sweet? That’s why I keep you around.”

“You know we should have gotten married instead.”

Jack rightfully smacked the back of his little brother’s head and all you could do was laugh.

“Ow!”

Clay purposely angled his phone so Jack could see you and took note of another person in the background and Jack’s eyes went wide.

It was so quick, that Jack didn’t really get a good look as to who it was. 

“In another life, my love. I’m fine! I actually feel a little better since drinking the tea.”

Jack immediately snatched Clay’s phone from him and questioned you not wanting to put it off any longer.

“Baby girl.”

“Yes, pookie?”

“First of all in another life, my ass. I have no hesitations to throw your favorite Harlow child off the nearest cliff. And who the… you got someone in my house I don’t know about?”

“What? What are you talking about?” You curiously asked to play along and not try to laugh.

“Mamas, do not fucking play with me. I got that text message you obviously meant to send to someone else.”

“What text? Baby, I’m confused. Are you feeling okay?”

“I will jump through this phone right fucking now. Who the fuck is in my house?”

“Uh? Besides me? Your children. I just finished walking the golden girls. I think Blanche misses you because she curled up next to your pillow.”

“Y/N!!!!!”

“Jackman.”

“Do not get smart with me. I am going to ask you one more time.”

“No one, baby! I’m here by mys…..”

Without warning the facetime call cut off and if Jack was mad before, he was pissed off now. 

“That’s it, I’m kicking both of their asses.” Jack said getting up and grabbing his keys. Clay put one hand on his shoulder to get him to sit back down.

“I didn’t even see anyone else on the call. You feeling okay?”

“How could you not?! They were sitting to the left of her.”

“Jack, is yall house haunted? If it is, I can’t stay there no more. Black people don’t do ghosts. I mean truth be told I know Y/N doesn’t either and if I know anything about ghosts and her, she’ll probably run them off.” Shloob said while taking a sip of his iced tea.

“No, it’s not haunted! There was literally another person there with her!”

“Well, try calling her back.”

Jack then whipped out his phone and proceeded to do so all for it to go to voicemail.

“She cannot be fucking serious right now. I’m getting my shit to go.”

Jack hopped in his jeep and was speeding down the highway to get back to your shared home.

He didn’t even bother parking in the garage and left the car out front before making a beeline to the front door.

Once opened, he walked around to the living room to find you sitting on the floor playing with your two piglets.

You looked up to see Jack and the pissed off look on his face.

“Uh, baby? Why are you back so soon? And where is my food? Look babies, daddy’s home!” You said while looking down at the both of them. They saw Jack and immediately got excited.

Jack was steadily looking around and checking behind the couches as well as in the closets.

“Baby?”

Jack didn’t even bother to answer you as he was continuing on with his search.

“Jackman!”

“Who the fuck you got in here, huh? I’m about to kick their ass right now.”

“Are we still on this? No one, baby. Except me and our tribe of children.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Hmm well okay. Have fun searching.” You replied as you went back to playing with two of your children.

Jack tore up the house from top to bottom looking for someone that he thought had been in the house.

Once he gave up his search, he went downstairs to see you and Dua on the couch talking and laughing.

“Y/N!!! WHY IS SHE IN MY HOUSE?!”

“Correction, our house, baby.”

“Hi to you too, Jack!”

All Jack did was stare at her and give her the evil eye.

“See, I knew you had someone else in here.”

“Babe, Dua just got here five minutes ago.”

“Y/N….. I know what I saw on that facetime call!”

“I told you he was crazy. You should move in with me, now he’s seeing shit. Next thing you know you’ll have to put him in a nursing home.”

“Dua, shut your ass up and move away from my wife! Six feet at all times!”

“Jack!”

“Y/N!”

“Okay since we’re all saying names, I’ll do my own. Dua!”

“Baby girl…..”

“Yes, pookie?”

“Is that... Is that a camera?”

“Oops.”

“DID YOU…. THIS WAS A PRANK! SHE WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!?!”

“UHHH……”

You took off running while Dua was laughing and with Jack following quickly behind you and catching you.

“Now, I know you didn’t think you were going to get far with those short legs of yours did you?”

“Well, it was worth a try.”

“Jack! Since I’m here, let me get a copy of that video!”

“HELL NO!”

“I mean it was better than me asking for your wife to sit on my face.”

“See, now I’m really about to have to beat your ass. You always come over here and act outta pocket.”

“Beat my ass? I’d rather eat hers.”

“DUAAAAA!!!!! AND Y/N STOP LAUGHING!!!”

Liked by jackharlow, claybornharlow, saweetie, dualipa, 2forwoyne, lilnasx, druski2funny, and 3,184,907 others

y/ninsta: my husband mad at me yall lmaooooo

jackharlow: y/ninsta I’m legally separating from you tomorrow 😐

lilnasx: what happened this time? lmaooo

claybornharlow: lilnasx another prank by wifey 😂

druski2funny: y/ninsta why you stay stressing my man out?!

2forwoyne: seeing him freak out about that text message was TOP TIER

jackharlow: HOLD THE FUCK UP

jackharlow: PG?!? YALL WERE IN ON IT?!

urbanwyatt: jackharlow we may or may not have an entire group chat that the primary reason is to prank you

shloob_: I told her not to do it

quiiso: shloob_ you stay throwing our asses under the bus. you were it on it too

jackharlow: urbanwyatt and to think I call you my best friend

saweetie: y/ninsta give that man a break! that hairline keeps going south because of the stress!

jackharlow: DIAMONTE!!!

saweetie: yes Jack?

jackharlow: saweetie after I get done kicking their asses, you’re next

y/ninsta: much thanks to dualipa lmaooo had my baby looking everywhere for you 😭😭

dualipa: y/ninsta glad to be of service!

jackharlow: dualipa where were you even hiding?!

y/ninsta: jackharlow you never looked in the backyard!

dualipa: jackharlow lemme at the wife and I promise not to do it again

jackharlow: dualipa one of these days, you about to learn to stop playing with me

dualipa: jackharlow so is that a yes?

jackharlow: dualipa it’s a ‘I still have my bb gun and I’ll shoot you’

dualipa: jackharlow you wouldn’t shoot your wife’s friend!

jackharlow: dualipa now, who told you that lie? you can get all this smoke any day of the fucking week and saweetie is next

saweetie: jackharlow now why am I in it?! 

y/ninsta: saweetie that hairline comment lmaooooo

jackharlow: y/ninsta you laughing a little too loud over there for my liking. on your knees.

sza: oh my

y/ninsta: jackharlow DO YOUR WORST

claybornharlow: now I understand urbanwyatt’s pain

jackharlow: y/ninsta but don’t think this makes up for the shit you pulled today. consider this war and watch your back

y/ninsta: jackharlow may the best Harlow win (that’s me) but imma need you to make me cum first

jackharlow: y/ninsta who said that I was about to let you cum?

y/ninsta: jackharlow wait, what? 🤨

jackharlow: and dualipa if you so much as utter a WORD I’ll end you 😡

dualipa: jackharlow 👀

dualipa: y/ninsta I’ll make you cum kbye

jackharlow: DUAAAAAA!!!!

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[theloveinc]

Plsssss do more of old n grumpy bakugo😭😭 I loved it soo much

(pt i here!)

we already know old and grumpy bakugo has given up on hiding the fact that he's a complete and total cuddle bug........ but before all else, he needs to cuddle you every morning or his whole attitude will be wrong for the day (even tho it's not so much about the cuddles as it is just knowing you want to cuddle him).

but then... clock hits 10 and you're pestering him about breakfast and he literally makes the grumpy cat face thinking about having to get up LMAOOOOO. like for real will just roll his eyes and sink in on himself cuz he's so nice and cozy and doesn't want either of you to move.

but you say something about, idk, not wasting the day bc he has a meeting later anddddd idk you wanna go out or something...

and he's just going, "i spent almost 30 years getting up at the literal ass crack of dawn, you can't just let me lay here?"

"baby, it's almost eleven."

and he's like... turning over and ignoring you LMAOOO for once in your relationship. but what's funny is... if you leave him be for long enough, he's getting pissed about that TOO.

stomping into the kitchen in his underwear and staring you down, caging you against the counter and not even saying anything, just looking all >:( because you left him.

And really all you can do is laugh because 1. it's cute, and 2. he's really turned into such a baby about things.... and even he knows it, cuz he's not even that tired!!! he just wanted to cuddle more and ignore whatever work thing is coming up.

(feed him a little brunch and some protein shake though and he's happy again. i'm thinking like while he's standing there glaring, too.... you're chest to chest, but if you press a little bacon or whatever to his lips, he's eating it and then melting cuz it's sweet of you to cook for him. still some old man ass shit though).

-

and also earlier, when i was trying to think of some stuff for this... it was making me laugh to think about bakugo like... tending to his veggie garden or doing some kind of workout in the yard........ and accidentally attracting a bunch of attention onto himself cuz he's just ... so handsome.

and like... everyone on the block knows you've been married forever, so it's not a problem in THAT sense... but old ass grumpy ass bakugo still puts on the hose to "accidentally" spray water at anyone who walks past trying to catch a peek.

[toomuchracket]

at his most insufferable and sardonic on gmg, Matty refers to bday party reader as ‘the trulady to my Truman black’. and then a screenshot of a text from her being like ‘that is the grossest thing you’ve ever said. Delete right now’

REAL i would kill him. but yes. worse still, you send a follow up text like "that's actually the biggest ick of all time i don't know if i can recover. i might never want to kiss you again" - he phones you IMMEDIATELY proper grovelling and panicked like "i'm sorry i didn't mean it baby please i'm so so sorry i just thought it was funny but yes it's an ick and i hate it but i love you and i don't want you to think i'm gross and not to make this about me but i might die if you never kiss me again. please accept my apology i'll never say it again. i won't even think it" lmaooooo. i also think you - in any AU - would get SO pissed at that thing he posted yesterday about not wanting a gf with a higher IQ; you're like "well we could arrange that. i'll move back home and block your number" and again he's like "WAIT NO BABE SHIT" and grovelling to the point of tears deleting insta stories left right and centre until you're appeased lol <3

[meetmymouth]

HI OMG I KNOW YOUR REQUESTS ARE CLOSED BUT I NEEDED TO SEND THIS BEFORE I FORGOT !!!! COULD YOU DO A BLURB WHERE HARRY AND Y/N DO THE THING WHERE YOU GET WINE DRUNK AND WHOEVER TOUCHES THE OTHER FIRST LOOSES ????

it’s been a while since i wrote a blurb so hope this makes sense lmaooooo i wrote it while watching bake off finale so i was v distracted!!!! hope you like it :(

Harry places his own glass next to Y/N’s on the glass table and he leans back, watching her as she taps away on her phone.

“No pop,” he yawns, hand going up to his warm, sweaty neck. “No One Direction.”

A gasp, then a hiccup leaves her mouth, “The disrespect. I’m gonna put somethin’ sexy.”

Harry clears his throat, feeling drops of sweat run down his back and he wants to reach and stop it, maybe take his shirt off and maybe, just maybe cuddle into her side just to annoy her, hear that familiar snort, but he knows it would be a dangerous game to play considering the alcohol in their systems.

Instead, he gives her a smirk and puts his feet on the table, careful not to hit their glasses. “Sexy? What for? Y’gonna give me a lap dance?”

“You wish. Let’s...let’s make tonight more interesting-”

Harry snorts, “More interesting? I just told you about my embarrassing encounter with my ex. Nothing can top that for me tonight, sorry love.”

The small Bluetooth speaker makes a weird noise before Arctic Monkey’s I Wanna Be Yours starts playing and Harry rolls his eyes but the tiny smile remains present on his face as he watches Y/N walk towards the kitchen area behind where they’ve been seated.

“I hate this song,” he mutters, fighting the grin, “I wanna be your vacuum cleaner,” he sings, voice gruff and the tone playful, clearly taking the piss out of the lyrics.

She returns, another bottle of red clasped tightly between her beautiful fingers, and she throws the cork at Harry. “They’re deep, the lyrics, I love it. Stop being jealous- hand me your glass.”

“Am not. God- I didn’t think your cheap red would hit me this hard. My head’s killing me, it’s like two- no wait, three gorillas are having sex where my brain should be.”

“I don’t think gorillas would be into threesomes. And- excuse me? Cheap? I paid a tenner each for these babies. Not all of us are loaded.”

With bottom lip trapped between his teeth, he gives her a dismissive look, one hand coming up to rest on his crotch- something he always did when he felt comfortable, at ease, while the other brings the wine glass up to his lips.

She watches him take two big gulps despite his previous remarks, and her eyes focus on the stubble, probably a week old, and then her gaze fall to his Adam’s apple, watching it move up and down with each gulp. His cheeks are flushed, a beautiful pink, and there’s sweat on his forehead, some of his hair sticking to his skin, and she reaches to brush his hair back but her hand pauses in the air.

It’s nothing of the ordinary, these little touches here and there.

They were close. They both loved touching each other in the most friendly way, meaning, they loved hugs, cuddles, kisses, and they often find each other touching each other’s hair whether it be to ruffle it in order to annoy the other, or to brush the hair back and for them, the little touches were part of their friendship. 

So when her hand pauses in the air, Harry looks up at her, brow furrowed, “Wha’? Somethin’ in m’hair?” He slurs, bringing his hand up to his hair and he ruffles it. "Whaaaat?”

“Jus’ had an idea, ‘s all.”

“Oh shit. Hold on, imma take my joggers off-” 

Harry leans forward to put his glass on the coffee table and she spits out a no,

“Stop, that- that’s not what I’m talkin’ about. Dirty pig.”

“Pity.”

“Listen to me, will you?”

“Yep. All ears, darlin’.”

“So,” she lets out a sigh, then takes another gulp of her wine, “We get shitfaced and whoever touches the other first loses.”

Harry gives her a look, pupils dilated and lips turned upwards in a wide grin. “So am I taking my jogs off or not?”

“Oh fuck off, no! Clothes stay on. Just-” another hiccup, a silent burp more like, “Just don’t touch me. And I won’t touch you. It’s not- it doesn’t have to be sexual, y’know.”

“For now,” he mumbles and it’s loud enough for her to hear and send him a glare but he laughs it off.

Glass after glass, Y/N begins to feel her world shift, her vision becoming ‘shaky’, and she lets out a giggle because it’s been a while since she felt this way, since she’d gotten wine drunk. “I love this.”

Harry hums, one hand rubbing his eye as he tries to pour more wine but there’s only a couple of drops left so he tuts, placing the bottle back on the table and he downs that last couple of drops. 

Despite his drunken state, he tries to sing along, I never thought I'd feel this kind of hesitation...my hand on another girl...I wish I didn't have to lie...but his tongue feels like a wet sponge, so heavy, and he wants to put his hands- or her hands in his mouth so she can...so she can, she can do anything she wants to. Whatever she wants to.

“You sound shite when you’re pissed. I’m glad you say no to alcohol while singin’. God, my- I can’t feel my hands,” she mutters, trying to reach for the bottle, but Harry reaches at the same time, both stopping their movements when they remember their silly little game.

Harry looks at her, he really looks at her, and she blushes. 

He knows she does because she looks down and scrunches her cute nose and Harry wants to shoot himself in the dick.

“No touchin’...right,” he whispers. “’s empty, pet.”

Y/N looks up, finding him smiling down at her. “What’s empty?”

“The bottle, silly girl. Finito. Fini.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They’re silent for the most part, Valerie still playing in the background, and Harry leans his head back and closes his eyes. He puts one arm on his side, palm stretched on the sofa where he knows Y/N’s hand sits close, and he tries to move it closer but, once again, he knows he’s playing with fire. 

“Y’trying to touch me?” She says, voice low but soft regardless, and it makes him smile.

“No.”

“You so are. I’m literally looking at your hand right now.”

Another smile. “Why y’staring at m’hand, you fuckin’ creep,” Harry takes a risk and moves his hand more to the left but he lets out a sigh when their hands still fail to touch.

“Who- whoever,” she clears her throat, “Whoever loses pays the other a hundred quid. Hundred and fifty five...and five pence.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Harry snorts.

“It does. You wanna touch? You’re gonna pay!”

“Y’know,” he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, straightening up on the sofa. “I’ve heard that before-”

“Harry, stop. I know what you’re gonna say.”

“All right, all right. C’mere, lemme pinch y’cute cheeks,” he reaches his arm, just to wind her up, but she stops it with her hand which slaps Harry’s with force.

Their eyes widen and they look at each other for a while before Harry breaks the silence with a snort. “You- fuck. You owe me a hundred and fifty...five quid. And five pence,” he can’t help but laugh harder at the pout that’s forming on her face. “Oh, come on-”

“You set me up!”

“I did no such thing. Them’s the rules, babe. I accept Visa, Amex-”

“Amex? Who do you think I am? Fuck sake. I hate you so much.”

“You really really really...really don’t. Y’love me really.”

She reaches and flicks him in the forehead but he surges forward, grabbing her hand in his and without thinking, he puts her index in his mouth and bites.

"Argh! Harry you horny bastard, always wanna lick something- ew, give me my fuckin’ finger back!”

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 05 + 07.12.20 lbs

05.12.20

“tum saari property mere naam karoge.”

BITCH WHAT NOW???????????

V like dadiiiiiiiiiii ko dhokaaaaaaaa?!!!!?!?!?! oh ho, lagta hai pair chhoote chhoote V ko asli waale feels aa gaye dadi ke liye, free of charge!

THIS MAN AND HIS FACE NEED TO BE STOPPED SO HELP ME GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

also what else that tongue do (other than throw constant taane to guilt a bitch) baby boy mmmmmmmhmmmmmmm 😏😏😏

riddhima thinking ki property meaning khatra and she can’t allow it to stay on dadi, she has to take it on herself, so that if kabir tries hurting anyone, it’ll be her.

this one’s paar ki nazar has recognized that train of thought, i think.

she’s like think whatever you want idgaf, just do whatever the fuck i say or else. and don’t even think of charging me an extra paisa. jaake bhaanda phodna hai toh phod lo, phir you won’t get your remaining 4.5 cr. DAMN GIRL, WHERE THIS SHAATIR TAKE-CHARGE SIDE OF YOURS BEEN ALL THIS TIME???????/

hubs thinking same thing. he’s never been more turned on by her as when she’s using maximum brain.

“kya hai?????? aise taad kyun rahe ho?????????”

“taadna ekdum free of cost hai. only for your pretty face!” I HATE HIM.

LOVE THIS TROPE. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.

face change from smiley eyes to shaatir eyes, as he contemplates the facts before him. unf, the things it does to me to see him emote.

lijiye, iss show ke Idiot Brothers. and their plans to prove it’s not vansh and to get riddhima thrown out. i’ll pass.

but this one’s face tho. cutest. 

same, aryan. mera bhi yehiiiii reaction hai. taareeef karoon kya uskiiiii, jissne, tumhe banaaya!

some rando has come and is like hi, i’m your new lawyer; your old one appointed me before he left. no doubt he’s been sent by kabir.

V’s face: chutiya samajh rakha hai kya???? that’s not how this shit works.

v is like you’re here about my will and lmao riddhima’s all happy thinking oh vihaan has started my work already. SIS TILL NOW WHAT HAS HE DONE ACC TO YOUR PLAN? TELL ME ONE (1) THING THAT HE’S DONE LIKE YOU SAID.

yadda yadda yadda lawyer is like the property cannot be transferred for a few months. because Reasons. sure. sounds legit.

kabir is ecstatic. needs to learn to hide his MWAHAHAHAHAHA MERA CHAAL KAAM KAR GAYA FACE better if he wants to win at this game. he’s up against poker face all india/tellywood champion.

fb to kabir bribe/threatening lawyer. zero surprise.

V telling dadi idc about all this, meri asli daulat toh aap hai. lmao he really just does not give the other grandkids a chance to be #1 in dadi’s books.

ishani is pakka sure this is vansh bhai itselfffffffffff. and lmao angre’s suspicious face. they’re legit like:

V trying to negotiate salary increase (10% per month!!!!!!!!) and riddhima’s like bhakkkkkkk, sabzi mandi laga rakhi hai kya maine? yeh faltu ki bargaining nahi chalegi yahaan, jo karna hai karlo.

ishani’s back with bhai’s favvvvvvvvv chocolate cake and.... OH NO HE WAS SO FUCKING RUDE TO HERRRRRRRRRRRRR. riddhima ko sabak sikhaane ke liye ishani ko kyun sunaaaa rahe hoooo!?!?!?!!?

anyway riddhima tried to sametofy that raita by apologizing to ishani and.......... that went as well as expected.

kabir and aryan watching and lootofying mazze.

lmaooooo aryan tubelight ko situation samajh hi nahi aaya and kabir is just like

lmao have you seen a more pitying look????

angsty piano playing time.

lmaooooooooo she’s like “jahaan vansh banna tha, wahaan bann nahi paaye, yahaan yeh karke kya kya fayyda hai?” which......... troo. i really like this give-no-fucks version of riddhima who says what’s on her mind, instead of just doing lengthy internal monologues of stupidity. 

as,kjdlkasjd;lksjd;lkjsa;ldkjsa;lk she’s like vansh never yelled at anyone if it wasn’t a big deal. to which V is reacting just the way i am rn.......

‘lmao reallllllllly??? i don’t remember it like that.’

more lecture and yeah, i relate to him.

ishani over here crying to angre about bachpan se leke aaj tak vansh bhai ne kabhi nahi daanta. which again i’m like?????????? i have literally only seen V1.0 yelling at ishani for some bs or the other. literally never has he shown her any pyaar; the most he’s ever mellowed at her was when he gruffly told her sunny’s “truth” and made her understand that the wedding with angre would be good for her. nostalgia comes with some reallllll rose tinted glasses huh, ki everyone’s whitewashing asshole!vansh this way.

soft ship gently chugging along!

anyway angre has a plan and ishani like so help me god imma murder this fucker if he’s not vansh. there’s my girl!!!!!

this one is driving a hardddddddd bargain and wow, really going to town on that piano. riddhima doesn’t find it shady at allllllllllllllllll that he’s an equally good piano player as vansh huh? zerooooo thoughts about that.

“gunaah karne waale se bada gunehgaar hota hai gunaah sehne waala.” bhai waaah, isske victim complex ko mera salaam, ki bechaara is ONLY GETTING 5 CRORES, BOOOOOO HOOOOO.

“jabse tumse yeh deal kii haina, badi gandiiiii waali feeling aa rahi hai!” lmaoooooo yeah sureee, i can see how torturous it is, to be paid OBSCENELY to......... play yourself.

“mujhe teen guna chahiye. i want triple.”

BITCH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 3X SLKJDFSLKJFLDK 15 CRORES I KNOW TERA HI PAISA HAI BUT HADH HAI BHAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!? YOU SOUNDING A LOT LIKE THIS GUY:

oh boy ishani and angre have entered hearing about “triple”.

badi safaai se he said OH I MEANT IMMA BAKE A TRIPLE LAYER CHOCOLATE CAKE FOR YOU TO SAY SORRY.

softttttttttttttttttttt siblingssssssss. baaaaabies.

but hubs and wifey have come with some stress relief for bhai, lol.

lmao riddhima’s reactionnnnnnnnn.

lo ji yeh bhi aa gaya rang mein bhang daalne. wants to make things interesting via bet. some realllllll high stakes shit. good lord, don’t be gross and bet riddhima or something, maharabharat style.

aaaaaand it’s on!

no point screaming in your mind, riddhima. should have sent him to basketball camp before you recruited him.

"bohut mazaa aayega!!!!” lmaooooooo seeeeee, i told y’all. all this big baby legit wants is someone to playyy with himmmmm. have you ever seen him look THISSSSS HAPPY EVERRRRRR??????????

——————————————————————— 

07.12.20

lmao @ his purposely bad dribbling.

stressing Dollar Biwi out some more by saying he hasn’t even watched the game on tv.

unffffff. Chehra Appreciation Break. these go out to my girl @nawaazishein​ (she knows exaaaaaaaactly why.)

riddhima is like when you pick teams, pick me, and kabir is here to talk smack and say everyone’s gonna find outtttttt nowwww.

ok great, whole fam’s here. there’s a chalkboard set up for the score and everythinggggg. coz as per usual, no one else has nothing else to do. not even catch up on their podcasts or play some candy crush or nothing. they just wanna watch these two grownass men having a pissing contest.

V wins the toss but aryan’s bitch ass lies and says kabir won it. K selects riddhima first.

he knew that kabir’s dumb ass would do exactly that. besides, he’s seen riddhima play. she sucks ass at it. best if she brings down K’s team from the inside, lol.

V’s picks: useless!chacha, angre. K’s pick: aryan. rules established, ki after every 10 points, rival team se player will be out.

all i can think of rn is that everyone went and changed and riddhima’s gonna play in her sari and heels?!?!?!?!!!?!?

game faces on!

lol such bball captain and his gf head cheerleader vibes. CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god are we supposed to sit and listen to chachi’s commentary?!?!!?!?

please note i’m literally only watching this ep to see the boys’ shirts move and expose chest and abs. 

riddhima gets the ball and is standing there in one place dribbling so that V can easily intercept and he’s just..........

............. imitating a frilled dragon or some shit?????

kabir just took the ball from her and scored.

first basket he made and he’s already telling vansh to give up. dude, hadh hoti hai overconfidence ki.

V like haar-jeet ka faisla end mein hota hai. i would say i’ve already won, getting to see this much sweaty neck and chest, mmmmhmmmmmm.

SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! i mean, yeah V scored a point in the game or whateverrrrrrrr, BUT **I** GOT TO SEE SOME TUMMY WHEN HE JUMPED UP!!!!!

lol idk what the sassy finger wave was for, but i liked watching it.

THIS DUMBASS. SOMEONE PLEASE JUST PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY.

aryan’s out.

AND I SCORE AGAIN!!!!! ouff, the things i have to resort to coz they don’t gimme tellywood men shirtless anymore.

useless!chacha’s out.

askljdlkjlkdjlsakjdlsakjdlsdjlaskjdlj bechaara kabir.

“you. out, please!”

sureeeeeely he will not pull the kkhh move in front of the whole fam??????/ will he?????????

look at his face, ki awwwwww, how cute that she’s trying.

riddhima is so stupid, if she scored all these points, why didn’t she pick V to leave the game instead of angre!?!?!?!!?!?

BITCH DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“isski har harkat vansh se kyun milti hai?????” idk sis, take a wiiiiiiiiiild guess. if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck........... MAYBE THE FUCKING 6 FOOT 2″ DUCK LOOMING IN FRONT OF YOU AND RUNNING HIS HANDS ALL OVER YOU IS YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND??????

the way he’s smiling is practically challenging her to figure it out.

she’s still like nope, not him. just a coincidence. while she mulls on that brain fart, imma stare at rrahul’s chest some more.

of course.

YOUR WHOLEASS FAMILY IS STANDING THERE WATCHING THIS OMG I’M DYING OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENTTTTTTTT FUCKING TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM YOU WEIRDOS

“yeh bonus hai. free of charge. just for your pretty face!”

this dumbass is also hung up ki how overnight he became good at playing basketball. abbe oh gobar ganesh why can’t you just accept it’s him?!!?!?!?

aryan’s like dude, it’s him. i’ve seen him play. this is him.

but there must be somethinggggggg unique about vansh’s style right????

ahaaaa, ambidextrous.

kabir legit threw something like that looks like a clown’s nose. i guess he just carries that around full time coz he’s a 🤡🤡🤡

blah blah we already knew this from the precap. i’m just fwding to when he plays with the left and wins.

lmao V’s faaaaaaaaace. when kabir finally gets his day of reckoning, vansh is really nottttttt gonna hold back.

never seen ppl THIS happy to see a left handed person, lol.

“vihaan vansh ki tarah left hand se khel sakta hai??????”

CUTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmaoooooooooo his face is like jo toota nahi tha, woh bhi tod ke rakh degi.

lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. asshole.

uh huh honeyyyyyyyyy. did the Vansh Move.

asking how you did all this when i never told you these facts about vansh?

“tum zaroorat se zyaada sochti ho, Sweetheart.”

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“kya aisa humne pehle kabhi nahi kiya? kya yeh pal humaari zindagi mein kabhi bhi nahi aaya, riddhima?” he said her name The Vansh Way, not The Vihaan Way!!!!!!!

“tum mere......”

“haan riddhima, yeh tumhara veham nahi hai. main vihaan nahi, vansh hoon. tumhara vansh.”

haaaaaaye bechaari. at this point i’m feeling quite bad for her. it’s not her fault she’s so stupid. ab hai toh hai. kya kar sakte hain. bedagarkkkkkk ho tera, vansh. may you die of blue balls for fucking with her simple mind this way.

i just did my homework reallllllllllly well, it seems. so my 3x payment is totally worth it. god i wish that pool was full, so that i could dunk his head into it and hold it there for a few minutes.

THIS ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN FEEL A LITTLE BIT BAD FOR WHAT HE’S DOING. LIKE, THODAAAA TOH HE SHOULD FEEL.

and then he turns around and looks at her like this!?!?!?!!?!?!? OUFFFF. FUCK YOU MANNNNNN.

blah blah talk about how now everyone must be convinced (except kabir) but yeah, i’m just here for The Face.

JFC SIS. AT THIS POINT YOU JUST NEED TO PULL A KHUSHI KUMARI GUPTA SINGH RAIZADA AND YANK A FEW HAIRS OUT FROM HIM AND ISHANI AND SEND IT FOR A DNA TEST.

shhhhhhhhhh, koi hai. yup. and not at all an excuse to get touchy touchy with wifey and give her some more mindfucky clues as to who you are.

someone’s watching us, we gotta sort out the property shit realllll quickkkkkkkkk.

he has An Idea, it seems. oh boy.

[lailarain]

Warning: Spoilers for Danganronpa: The End of Hope's Peak High School:Despair Arc

(I'm watching for the first time)

We're back at it again, guys!

Also, yes, I've realized that I porbably should've watched Danganronpa 2.5 first, but I'll do that after Despair Arc

Episode 1:

Oh it's ponytail teacher lady🙂

NEW INTRO YEAH BABY

POTHEAD GUY I MISSED YOUUUU

FUYUHIKO, SONIA, MAHIRU, AND HIYOKO THE NOSTALGIAAAAAA

I'm only a few minutes in and I'm already dying of laughter from the dialogue😭

MIKAN I MISSED YOU

This ponytail teacher lady, istg😂😂😂😂😂

THE TEACHER HAS A BLADE WHY DOES THE TEACHER HAVE A BLADE

Okay where is Nagito he's the only reason I'm watching this🙄

"oH goD jUrAsSiC pArK"

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

NEKOMARUUUU

Isn't that that one pervy chef?

Teruteru, that's pretty gay😀

AKANE HELLOOOOO

Soda the simp has arrived

GUNDHAM YES I MISS YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭

IBUKI MY GIRL

PEKO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE I MISSED YOUUUU

NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO YES

NAGITO'S LAUGH🥺🥺🥺

I fear this teacher😀

Wait....Mitirai...and the Ultimate Imposter......what the fuck is going on

HAJIME IS THAT YOU, MY BELOVED NON-SHAPE-KNOWING BOI

Awwwww he's hurt by what people say🥺

CHIAKI I MISSED YOU

Hajime, you DO have a talent. You're the Ultimate Nagito Magnet

Man, I'm probably not gonna get to see Hajime on screen a lot in this anime😔

Hey blonde bitch how ya doin

Okay we've officially seen the gang! Time for episode 2!

Episode 2:

"They're all good eggs" tell that to killing game nagito lol

Why the fuck are those two always fighting😭

"I'll have you know that we are training in real life combat conditions" "Oh in that case, knock yourself out"

This is why you don't take random glowing bottles from pervert chefs, kids.

NAGITOS JUST SITTING THERE SMILING LMAOOOOOOOO

Hajime looks so uncomfortable that a teacher is trying to have a casual conversation with him😂

Oh are they talking about the Kamakura project?

Gundam playing video games makes me so happy and idk why maybe because I love how dramatic he is lol

You ever like someone so much that when they do something as simple as speak you start freaking out at how awesome they are? Yea that's how I feel about Nagito.

ARE THEY PLAYING MARIO KART?!?!?!

why is the school rumbling GUNDHAM WHAT DID YOU DO

Nagito crying over the food lmaooooo

What did Akane sayyyy😀

NO ONE TOLD ME THIS WAS A HENTAI

WHAT THE FAWK IS GOING ON

Props to Fuyuhiko for being a man and stopping Kazuichi

Istg whatever they pay these voice actors clearly isn't enough

MIKAN WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY NO ONEE TOLD ME YOU WERE A LESBIAN

I don't even know what to say about Nagito😳

CHIAKI JUST FUCKIN PUNCHED HIM

"I regret nothing"

Nagito's so wholesomely making everyone uncomfortable🥺

Chiaki and Hajime's relationship is soooo wholesome🥰

Episode 3:

Hajime has literally solved the murders of his friends 5 times, and he calls himself average🤨

Why are all the other Reserve Course students blue?

Wait isn't that blondie Fuyuhiko's sister?

Hajime being in the middle of these random girls fighting be like 👁👄👁

Okay I'm kinda scared to ship the green hair girl and Mahiru because they might be siblings

Hard to believe that this girl is my baby boi's sister. At least Fuyuhiko has the dignity to not randomly bully a girl for no reason

Okay I hope the FBI doesn't come to my door if these two are siblings but MAHIRU I SAW YOU BLUSH GIRL I SHIP IT

Thank god fuyuhiko understands that his sister is crazy

Hajime and Chiaki gaming together is so cute🥰

I hope Chiaki didn't just accidentally convince Hajime to do the Kamakura Project😀

The blonde just called her lovesick for Mahiru...I think we got non-related lesbians on our hands

Wait.....THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT SYNDROME MURDER CASE WHAT THE FUCK

Okay I'm kinda starting to feel bad for the blondie

GREEN HAIRED GIRL KILLED HER HOLY FUCK THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

Wait...if the green-haired girl didn't kill her...then who did?

Woah....why is the green-haired girl acting like that🤨

WAIT GREEN HAIR GIRL IS DEAD WHAT

Is this really how people normally treat Reserve Course Students? The discrimination is so unfair.

HOW DARE THIS BASTARD TOUCH MY PRECIOUS HAJIME😤

Oh so they're on a mission

Omfg Hajime don't you DARE think you're nothing and agree to be a lab rat I swear

FUCK NO HE AGREED

I am so close to crying rn😀

How's Chiaki gonna react to this😔

Episode 4:

Chiaki is sad aww🥺

Okay Nagito looking serious is NEVER a good sign

SHIT NAGITO FROWNED THAT'S NOT GOOD

Komaeda is so polite😌

Nagito.....what is Plan B😀

WHITE-HAIRED GIRL HOW YOU DOIN😁

Oh its other blonde boy and peach-haired bitch

WELL CLEARLY NAGITO'S LUCK AIN'T SHIT

HOLY SHIT NO😭

WAIT NAGITO SET UP FUCKIN BOMBS?!?! Man, I love my chaotic boi🥰

THEY SWITCHED BAGS TOO?!?!?

This is gonna be a huge shit show, isn't it?

POOR WHITE-HAIR GIRL SHE'S COMPLETELY INNOCENT😭😭😭

What the fawk😀

HOW IS HE SO CALM, JUST LIKE "I don't think that was a laxative😕"

NAGITO'S JUST TALKING BOUT HOW UNLUCKY HE IS WHILE ALL THIS SHIT IS GOING DOWN LMAOOO

WAIT SHE JUST SLAPPED HIM

YES TEACHER LADY YOU TELL HIM HOW FUCKIN AWESOME HE IS

Yay Komaeda won't get expelled😊

WAIT NO DON'T TRANSFER HER I LOVE HER NOOOOO

Uh yeah he did it all for yall 'cause he's fuckin nagito komaeda🤨

WAIT SHE'S GONNA COME BACK?!?!?! HOLY SHIT YES

Episode 5:

Poor Mitirai🥺

yeah, see? This is why I relate to Mitirai. ANIMATION IS FUCKIN MAGICAL.

Thank GOD. I thought we were gonna have to watch the teacher lady suffer😅

Okay I know this is pretty off topic, but where the fuck is Hajime

Of course as soon as I ask that question, they start talking about the Kamakura project😅

Expelled? Bullshit.

Wait NO I WANNA SEE MORE NAGITO🥺🥺🥺

WAIT THOSE ARE THE CHARACTERS FROM THE FIRST GAME

Awww they're so happy to see her how wholesome🥺

"You perfect cinnamon roll" MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

SAIONGI WENT THROUGH A GROWTH SPURT HOLY FUCK

Wait Mitirai and......Mitirai? So he IS the ultimate imposter.

"People flake out and let you down, but carbs are always there" - Mitirai. Truer words have never been spoken😢

IT'S JUNKO FUCKIN ENOSHIMA BABY

Right, the killing game hasn't happened yet, so both Mukuro and Junko are alive and well

So, are the ultimate imposter and mitirai sibings?

Mitirai no don't overwork yourself🥺

Did he just....say "I need you"....pick her up.....and give no other context?😀

Poor Mitirai

WAIT MIKAN NO IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE

MAKOTO MY BOY I MISSED YOU

HAJIME IS THAT YOU? YOU LOOK TERRIBLE

Wait...HAJIME NO

HAJIME DON'T YOU DARE

WHAT ABOUT CHIAKI?!?!?!

HAJIME'S EYES ARE RED NOOOOOOO

I'm gonna miss good old Hajime😔

Episode 6:

HAJIME NO TALENTLESS PEOPLE ARE STILL PEOPLE

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THIS TO AN INNOCENT HIGH SCHOOLER

It's......Izuru Kamakura😔

Hajime no🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awww Chiaki misses him

Wait why didn't the teacher just lie and say that Hajime was expelled🤨

I am so close to crying rn😀

Ponytail teacher lady is gonna realize the heartbreaking truth about Hajime, isn't she?😔

Awwww buff guy🥺

That is the weirdest tourture I've ever seen

The sad thing is she doesn't even know that it was Hajime who was made the victim to the project.

Wait why is Kamakura there what's going on

"KAMAKURA KAMAKURA YAS Q U E E N."

CAN MUKURO STOP LETTING JUNKO MAKE FUN OF HER LIKE BITCH YOU ARE AWESOME

Ikuru literally the entire time Junko is talking is basically just: 😑

WAIT HE AGREES WITH JUNKO NO

wait....MITIRAI IS GONNA MEET JUNKO FUCK NO

FUCK NOOOOOO

Okay we're officially halfway through, and I'm super pissed that Nagito is god knows where because he's the ONLY reason I'm watching this

Episode 7:

MITIRAI STOP TALKING TO HER RUN ASAP AHHHHHHHHH

Junko does realize that she basically just triggered every single fan of Danganronpa, right🤨

"aWw lOoK aT hiM trEmBLe hE'S goNnA bUrsT a blOoD veSsEL bEcAuSe I jUsT diSseD hiS wAifUS"

WAIT JUNKO NO DON'T SMILE LIKE THAT

THEY THINK HE'S DEAD LMAOOOOO

NAGITO YES FINALLY

NAGITO WTF PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

Wait so is that the crash site of the what killed his parents🥺

Kazuchi, Teruteru, stop being pervs and shut up please🥰

GUNDHAM YES WE STAN

MITIRAI IS MISSING NO

Istg if they lay a hand on Mikan they bouta lose a hand😀

Poor buff guy🥺

SHIT NO THEY'RE GONNA BRAINWASH HER

Junko's eyes really went ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⬇️↙️⬅️

Wait who tf are these people🤨

Junko what is it with you and killing games😀

Wait she's actually really good at singing😯

Can we get an f in the chat for these poor students

IZURU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO

THEY'RE SWEEPING IT UNDER THE RUG AGAIN?!?!?!?

So that was his promise😔

It's the cool moving comic thing from the games😯

The Reserve Course students are NOT happy😀

Poor Chiaki still misses him😔

Imagine if she knew HE was the killer

Episode 8:

(So some of my notes were deleted and when I rewrote them they got deleted twice. So I'm just gonna go where I left off.)

NAGITO YES MY BOY I MISSED YOUUUUU

"Who are you" lol

At least CHIAKI is nice to Nagito

YES NAGITO YOU LIFE-SAVER😤

Talk about what🤨

WHY ARE THEY TREATING THESE STUDENTS TO "KNOW THEIR PLACE" ISTG

Okay Nagito what is it with your luck

"Oh we found a secret passage cool😶"

POOR MITIRAI

WAIT NAGITO KNEW?!?!?!?

NAGITO HAS A FUCKIN GUN I REPEAT NAGITO HAS A GUN WHY DOES HE HAVE A GUN

OKAY WHY DOES NAGITO SOUND SO THREATENING ALL OF A SUDDEN

Okay am I crazy or was that interaction between izuru and nagito just now pretty gay?

NAGITO HOLY FUCK NO

OH THANK THE LORD

NAGITO THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A SIMP FOR IZURU

Episode 9:

That....is Hinata😔

WAIT NO DON'T YOU DARE HYPNOTIZE CHIAKI

Teacher lady is gonna be hypnotized, isn't she😖😞

OKAY JUNKO THIS IS TOO FAR

Wait is Mikan pretending?

Poor Guy😢

YEAH LISTEN TO NAGITO

I mean, I don't wanna abandon the teacher but it's already too late

WAIT IS THAT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?!?!?

It's so sad to know that they're just running into destruction😔

NO POOR TEACHER LADY

STOP IT RIGHT NOW

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NOOOOOOOOOOO

You're already too late😞

WAIT WHY ARE THEY BEING SO VIOLENT

Poor Mitirai, man🥺

WAIT NO JUNKO YOU WOULDN'T

Junko STOP LEAVE HIM ALONE

You're in deep shit, Junko

WAIT NO DON'T DIE MITIRAI

Oh thank god😅

Mitirai😭

Poor Nagito too

WAIT MIKAN WHY

NO THE TEACHER IS DEFINITELY HYPNOTIZED NOPE

Episode 10:

Something's wrong....

Chiaki, don't be fooled

Wait is he actually gay tho

Okay Junko please SHUT THE FUCK UP🥰

This isn't gonna go well, is it?

CHIAKI NO

JUNKO DON'T YOU LAY A HAND ON HER

Wait why are they in a trial room

WAIT NAGITO WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN THEM BEFORE

CHIAKI NO

(Won't let me type anymore. Continue post here)

[patchofsunlight]

i'm in class right now😭 but we're not doing anything so it's okay, i finished one of the projects yesterday so i just have to finish this other one and turn it in😎 and the ukulele is fun ! and not as hard as i thought, i got mine on amazon

and don't worry my uncle is cool and not in a weird way😭 i think he's just tired of talking to my mom and their other siblings because we do group calls but they already have a groupchat they talk in a lot, plus i like to think i'm more interesting than the rest of their kids😭

but i'm good i'm tired but also excited to be almost done with these projects😭 this week has been interesting though 😭 the other day this guy stopped me in the parking lot when i went to check the mail, i'm okay and nothing bad happened ! but i was just a little shook because that was weird😭

i feel like i just brushed the thing about the guy in the parking lot😭 but me and my friends have also been playing this game because when we were in school we had this game that was basically like tag but if you had this pencil you were it and we would just give the pencil to each other throughout the day and the game was that you didn't want to end up with it and someone brought it up yesterday and said we should do it over text so since yesterday i've gotten 5 texts that were just pictures of pencils😭

but physics seems scary😭 what else do you have left to study for? -🍓

HEY STRAWBERRY SORRY FOR THE WAIT but i’m here now 😎😎😎 HELLO BABY HOW ARE YOU

i love that for you!!! how has school been!!! a lot of projects??? how has everything been???

LMAOOOOOO THAT’S FAIR VMWJXKWKSE cool adults are the best ngl but they’re so few and far between 😔😔😔

i hope you’re done with the projects now!!! and bro i swear to god when men stop me on the street i feel FEAR RUNNING THROUGH MY VEINS there was this one time i was walking down the street for my music lessons right and then i was waiting to cross the road and a guy simply like gripped my waist?????? and i was like what the FUCK and i was ready to FIGHT I SWEAR TO GOD I TURNED SO FUCKING FAST I HAD MY FISTS READY but it was just a friend of mine LMAOOO FR THO I WAS SO SCARED BUT ALSO PISSED ALREADY then he was like nina!!! hey!!! and he had moved away earlier that year for college but he was in town during the week and i was like hello!!! hello!!!!!!! you almost made me cry in fear!!!!!!!! and he was like omg i’m sorry and i was like it’s fine babe it’s fine i’m glad it’s you and not a creep it was fnwjxkwkzkw an interesting situation

THAT— LMAOOOO OKAY THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY CMWJXKWNSKWKA I LOVE THAT. THE PENCIL GAME SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING OMGGGG LMAOOOO THAT SOUNDS SO FUN I LOVE THAT FOR YOU

physics fucking SUCK man it’s so bad and confusing and completely USELESS for people like me who want to major in LAW like literally what’s the point. i hate it here. i’ve been taking my exams and i’ve actually been doing pretty well???? i’ve been on a solid standard of 67-70 right answers in both the 90-question exams i took this month (which might not seem much but is actually an insane amount of right answers considering the average scores are between 30-45!!!!) and i have another one today but that one is for literally just physics chemistry and math which are,,,,,, not my strong suit. but i’ll do my best ig??? LMAOOOOO i’m stressed and overworked to a point where all my emotions have shut down i’m just numb ✨

BUT HOW ARE YOU I MISSED YOU I LOVE YOU

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[incarnateirony]

Hey dude! Do you have any recommendations for LGBTQ+ movies in the romance genre that have like a happy ending. I really don't care how old they are. I'm feeling the Gay™ hence I need the Gay™. You feel me?

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NONNIE

First sorry for taking so long, not only did I have to timeline this :) but :) my computer :) froze :) after writing like :) 2 pages :) and I had to do it again :)

So anyway let it be said, the LGBT dialogue is one of osmosis and shared growth and awareness. Some of these films will be very poorly dated, but as you (thankfully) mentioned that them being old wasn’t a *problem*, expect a lot of old stuff. Because one of the most important things to have under your belt when talking about the LGBT media representation battle is the actual journey from A to B – be that incrementalization, subtextual inclusion, text-breeching features, outright evocative and groundbreaking films at the time (which is what MOST of this list will be) and an improvement in our dialogue; let us never forget that while tr*nss*xual is considered a slur and transgender is proper, tr*nss*xual was at one point the politically correct way to speak it – things like that breach in our growing understanding of the spectrum of human sexuality. 

I *WILL* disclaimer these aren’t all romance, so if you explicitly want romance, google them and take a look if it sounds to appeal, but I’m taking this as a general cinema history plug considering what a confused mess fandom conversation about LGBT history in film or modern text as applicable, accepted or not.

Wonder Bar (1936) (I wouldn’t really call this queer cinema, but if you have the time to watch it too, I think it was the first explicit mention of homosexual engagement even if it was fleetingly brief. You might even call it Last Call style. A blink and you’ll miss it plug that was still decades ahead of its time)

Sylvia Scarlet (1936) (Again, I wouldn’t call this queer cinema, but a lot of the community takes it as the first potential trans representation on TV due to the lead literally swapping gender presentation, even if the presentation is… not what we would modernly call representation IMO)

Un Chant d'Amour (1950) (Worth it for the sheer fact that it pissed off fundies so bad they took it all the way to the US supreme court to get it declared obscene.)

The Children’s Hour (1961) (also known as the 1961 lesson to “don’t be a gossipy, outting bitch”)

Victim (1961) (The first english film to use the word “homosexual” and to focus explicitly on gay sexuality. People might look on it disdainfully from modern lenses, but it really helped progress british understanding of homosexuality)

Scorpio Rising (1964) (Lmao this one deadass got taken to court when it pissed people off and California had to rule that it didn’t count as obscene bc it had social value, worth it for the history if nothing else)

Theorem (1968) (Because who doesn’t wanna watch a 60s flick about a bisexual angel, modern issues and associations be damned)

The Killing of Sister George (1968) (by the makers of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane)

Midnight Cowboy (1969) (…have I had sassy contagonists in RP make a Dean joke off of this more than once, maybe)

Fellini-Satyricon (1969) (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS)

The Boys in the Band (1970) (This… this… this made a lot of fuss. Just remember leather)

Pink Narcissus (1971) (a labor of love shot on someone’s personal camera)

Death in Venice (1971) (This is basically a T&S prequel but whatever, based on a much older book)

Cabaret (1972) 

Pink Flamingos (1972) (SHIT’S WILD)

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972) (The title doesn’t lie, be warned)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) [god I hope you’ve at least seen this]

Fox and His Friends (1975) (some really hard lessons that are still viable today, that just because someone acknowledges your sexuality doesn’t mean they give a shit about you as a person, and that some will even abuse the knowledge for gain)

The Terence Davies Trilogy (1983) (REALLY interesting history look it up, it’s sort of one of those “drawn from own experience” story short sets)

The Times of Harvey Milk (1984) (Documentary)

Desert Hearts (1985) (Pretty much the first film to put lesbianism into a good light as a true focus based on a novel from the sixties)

Parting Glances (1986) (the only film its creator got out before his death from the aids epidemic)

Law of Desire (1987) (two men and a trans woman in a love triangle, kinda ahead of its time)

Maurice (1987) (This one’s really interesting, cuz it was based on a book made about 15 years before it, but the book itself had been written half a century earlier and wasn’t published until after the guy died, he just thought it’d never get published Cuz Gay, so basically it’s based on a story written in like, the 20s finally getting screen time. It has a bittersweet but positive-leaning-ish ending without disregarding the cost that can come with it and even addresses class issues at the same time 100% DO RECOMMEND)

Tongues Untied (1989) (a documentary to give voices to LGBT black men) 

Longtime Companion (1990) (This one’s title alone is history, based on a NYT phrasing for how they talked about people’s partners dying, eg longtime companion, during the AIDS epidemic)

Paris Is Burning (1990) (Drag culture and related sexual and gender identity exploration as it intersected with class issues and other privileges explored in a documentary)

The Crying Game (1992)( I should correct this that I guess it’s more, 1992 considered, “SURPRISE, DIL HAS A DILL!” – I guess I really didn’t do that summary justice by modern language and dialogue as much as how people in the 90s were talking about that and that’s a my bad. LIKE. SEE, EVEN I CAN FUCK UP MY LANGUAGE I’M SORRY CAN I BLAME THE STRAIGHTS T_T) #90skidproblems – I guess I should call it a trans film. And this alone tells me I should go watch it again to recode it in my brain modernly rather than like circa de la 2000 understanding.

The Bird Cage (1996) (So you mix drag culture, otherwise heterosexually connected lovebirds, and then realize the girl comes from an alt-rightish house and the guy comes from a Two Dads Home and does cabaret, how to deal with the issues OF this conflict when it’s between you and your happiness, even if the fight isn’t even your own as much as it is that of the person you love. The answer is PROBABLY NOT to dress in drag and pretend to be straight, but what are you going to do? – while played for laughs we’d consider modernly crude, the fact that they even dared to approach this narrative was pretty loud)

The Celluloid Closet (1996) (Ever heard of the Vito Russo test for LGBT representation? This is based on a book by Vito Russo.)

Happy Together (1997) (Ain’t this shit an ironic name; a mutual narrative, via chinese flick, of hong kong ceding to china and an irrevocably tangled MLM pairing as a giant mirrored metaphor)

Boys Don’t Cry (1999) (one of the most groundbreaking films about trans identity at the time)

Stranger Inside (2001) (As easy as it is to recoil to the idea of “black gays in jail”, the film makers actually went and consulted prisoners and put a great deal of focus into intersectional african american issues that really weren’t around even in straight films at the time)

Transamerica (2005) (While it made a bit of a fuss for not casting an actual trans actor, it was one of the first times a big budget studio really tried to tackle it which really pushed us forward)

Call Me by Your Name (2017) (since I’ve apparently leaned really heavy old cinema throw in a modern one lmaooooo)

Also honorable The Kids Are All Right (2010) mention for the sake of the fucking title alone. 

And to any incarnation of “On the Road” by Kerouac, which

Was originally a book

Released a sanitized de-gayed edition because of the times

Later released the full homo manuscript

had a few film adaptations

Was one of Kripke’s founding inspirations for Supernatural once he left behind “Some reporter guy chases stories” and took the formula of Sal and Dean (and tbh later, Carlo) in a beat generation vibe gone modern as we know it today.

Reading both versions of this can actually help some folks currently understand that when you get confused over some shit (WHY IS CARLO SO UPSET? WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE AN UPSET GIRLFRIEND??? WHY IS HE SO JEALOUS AND SAD WHEN DEAN IS AROUND GIRLS???? WE JUST DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW) it’s because some big money asshat bleached the content, and sometimes, it takes a while for the full script to come out and again, surprise, it’s been GAY, they just didn’t want to OFFEND anybody. *jazz hands*

Now if you wanna go WAY WAY BACK, during 191X years, a bunch of gender role flicks came out like Charley’s Aunt, Mabel’s Blunder and the Florida Enchantment.

Also where is @thecoffeebrain-blog to yell about the necessity of watching Oz, for the next few hours? But no, seriously, just look into the entire LGBT *HISTORY* of Oz.

Beyond that though I’m gonna stop here cuz hi that’s a lot. I really don’t know how much counts as “happy ending” but if I had to give an LGBT cinema rec list, that’s it as a sum. I don’t really have like, a big portfolio of UWU HAPPY ENDING GAYS because 1. there aren’t a lot of those but 2. to me, it’s not about the ending, it’s about the journey. Be that in flick or through culture and history itself.

If you want more happy ending stuff, you definitely have to look at 2010+, but it’s not like we’re in a rich and fertile landscape yet so honestly just googling that would probably serve you better since I don’t explicitly explore romance genre or happy endings to really have a collection. LGBT life is hard and film often reflects that if we’re making genuine statements about it and really representing it, and we’re just now getting to a point of reliably having the chance at a happy ending. That or maybe someone can add like “Explicit happy endings” lists after this that has more experience in that subgenre.

Also, I can’t emphasize ENOUGH to remember what was progressive then is not what is progressive now, and frankly, what some people think is progressive now they’ll probably look back on what they said and feel really fuckin’ embarrassed. See: “It’s not text because by alt right homophobic dialogue, M/M sex isn’t gay if you do the secret handshake” MGTOW kinda crazy ass dialogue or parallel narratives they inspire that encourage self-closeting and denial based on the pure idea that being gay makes you somehow lesser, so It’s Not That. Like. I am. 99% sure. At least half of the people talking in this fandom. Are going to regret that the internet is forever. And maybe hope hosting servers end in the inevitable nuclear war that will annihilate this planet.

Also, edit: Speaking of mistaken dialogues and words aging poorly, I’d like to apologize from the poor description I rendered “The Crying Game” with, but that really goes to show how deep-seated the issue is we can so casually fuck up identifying a trans narrative as SURPRISE DICK IS GAY when we were all absorbing the content like 20+ years ago and HOW HARD it can be to de-code yourself from that kind of programming because here I am, writing a giant assed rep post and fucking it up because my brain hadn’t soaked that movie since Y2K. Guess what, time for me to go watch the Crying Game again.

[blood-red-lion]

Not that anyone really needs more of thissss BUUUUT it’s my blog so I’m’a do what I want. Read more for what is basically my “live blogging” season five starting with episode 2.

What the fuck is he using What the fuck is he— That looks like a BAYARD bro—

Ooooh my goooood he’s using his fathers weapon. How the fuck did we see Lotor use it before we saw Shiro use it lmaooooo

Yoooo ya’ll fuckers I love my space Legolas okay he’s a babe and he did his best and look at what he managed to do saving your asses THANKS.

Allura trying to make him feel better oMg

“Look, Prince Lotor, just hanging out on the bridge.” “That’s a thing that happens.”

“Lance this is not your call.” OUCH. Shush up. YOOOO SHIRO BACK THE FUCK UP.

—-YOOOOOO HOW IS HAGGAR WATCHING THIS SHIT——

And omg they’re trying to kill her fuck fuck nah she’s waking up guys let the crazy witch chill.

Ahhhhh my beautiful lovely lady generals. I love all of them. The little traitors... Is Haggar taking them in— yes she is ohhhhh my gosh. Also can we talk about how Acxa was sitting causeeeee.... lol.

Iron will to match his iron fist.... -stares at Haggar- WHAT THE FUCK IS KURON STAGE FOUR MOTHER FUCKERS.

I mean Allura is being generally nice and tolerant of Lotor like... it’s cute she’s grown so much. She’s apprehensive, fair, but she’s trying. I love her.

I’m LAUGHING that line was said by A GENERIC GENERAL?!?? Lmaoooooo. Ya’ll fuckers.

WHERE IS SHIRO

WTF

ALRIGHT GUYS

YOOOOOOOO

OMG SHIT IS— SHIT SHIIIIITTTTT

LANCE BABY ITS GONNA BE UP TO YOU ahhhh my heart guys my heart

YOOOO HE PUNCHED THAT THING INTO NONEXISTENCE ahhh my baby I can’t. Give him his boyfriend /someone/ should cuddle him.

If I don’t see Keith soon I’m gonna flip a table tho ngl.

Also yooooo Earth finally being in on the loop.

And UHM. Yeh no Lance knows. He deeeeefinitely knows. He HAS to know.

I’m FUCK INF LAUGHING HE WAS LITERALLY SHOT INTO SPACE DUDE HOW IS HE STILL AROUND

okay yeah the iron fist thing makes sense now lmao.

Fucken stupid.

-dead- WHERE IS MY SON THO?!???

OH LOOK THERE HE IS. Tiny child with his off color fanny pack.

LOTORS LITTLE SURPRISED FACE “oh-! May I, princess???” Like this babe— ahhh I love him. Soft eyes lotor is my FAVORITE thing.

Pidge: “he definitely color codes.” Omg.

Also... does lotor not realize Haggar is honerva...??? ......babies......

LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO SOFT??! I mean that was WEIRD but ahhhhhhh

Yooo Sen looks like he’s been through some SHIT.

Also that one hacker galra like “we should /not/ let them do the thing.” Clearly speaking sense I mean they’re all shitty but /clearly/ speaking sense.

YOOOO SAM JUST SAID THAT. Sam JUSTTTTT said that. Punk is such a funny thing.

Yo did Shiro like. Take a joy ride with Lotor what is this. This is not the ship I wanted. Get away from me.

Bet. He fucking did.

Keith’s fucken concern.  Jesus.

Ya know by the rules of succession, lotor killed his dad, he was next in line, like— why should he have to fight for this, he literally has both and only legitimate claims.

“I return the black lion to the galra.” Yo what.

BRO HAGGAR FUCK OFF WITH THAT HALF BREED BULLSHIT.

Yo Keith almost sounded concerned for Lo too like ngl I’m gonna cling to that.

Keith trying to turn off all the bombs baby honestly just go tell them to skedaddle or something shit lmao Ya’ll bombed sacred ground. Annnnnnd Lotor is alone. Fack. Please protect my purple space Legolas.

WAIT THEY WERE TOGETHER SENDAK FUCK OFF

ACXA REALLY JUST DID THAT.

BRO EITHER SHES HIS MOM OR HIS SISTER THAT’S IT ITS OVER ITS DONE SHE IS DEFINITELY /ACTIVELY/ PROTECTING HIM

Also. Seriously. Like. How are they supposed to pick a new ruler now? The point is for lotor to take the throne and ya know— stabilize the galra guys. Ahhhh...

More Keith plz.

Look at lotor. Still fucken finishing it. Looks so annoyed. My boy.

Ilovehim.

Archivist don’t give a fuck that his emperor is a half breed fuck all y’all.

Is that the end tho is that the end of his time in the castle ship cause I really enjoyed how he and Allura talked like please—

OH messages for their families. Yo that’s important. Lance’s—-FAMILY HAS NAMES. MARCO. LUIS. VERONICA. NAMESSSSSS.

“There is a lot of space dust in here.” “ITS FILTHY.”

KROLIA LOOKS LIKE KEITH. SHE LOOKS LIKE KEITH SHE LOOKS LIKE KEITH. Whaaaaaaaaat the fuckkkkk.

LOTOR oNGHGG “Thank you for coming my friends!” BABY. Changing banners and looking all— Ahhhhhhhh I love him. Soft baby. SOFTTTT baby. Just letting them do what they want. Lil smiles. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! “Come princess.”

WHAT IS FUN. Omg. Okay this makes sense now.

I want lotor to walk in and for pidge to have to explain they broke one of his sentries for shits and giggles

Blending too much keith. Tooooo much blending. (Also I’m still pissed about the last time you were in one of those WHAT the fuck.)

SHE HAS HIS BANGS. THIS IS NO JOKE WTF. Who the hell is Acxa then...?

LOTOR STILL LOOKS SO SOFT GDI

Yoooo is Allura only figuring that out now?? Also can we talk about how proud Lotor is of his mama? Yeh he definitely doesn’t know Haggar is his mama well shit.

These three literally being chased by galra like its a sitcom guys poor things. Th—EY KIDNAPPED THEM AND ARE JOUSTING THEM WTF GUYS— At least they made them popsicles... Omg.

KROLIA FUCKINg— She’s also got Zethrid style hair and it’s cuteeeee af.

I like Lotor being obvious enough that allura can see him get annoyed— Allura just tried that ahhhh baby no he hates haggar.

“Wait a tick!” HIS FACE. MY SON. Hessocuteomg. And soooo into his Altean heritage that’s fucking adorable.

HE RECOGNI—- “I left you once, I’ll never leave you again.” BABY. FUCKING. BABIES.

MEANWHILE LO BEING SOFT AS FUCK WITH ALLURA OMG SEND HELP I CANT BREATHE LOOK AT HIM TRYING AHGODMYHEARTICANT

The fucking droid. Oh my god. “Later paladudes. Weeeeeeeeeee.” This is bullshit.

“You compromised the mission!” “Keith! Shut up and listen to me!”

“I handed them over to it.” WELL. Alrighty then.

Keith gonna have a conversation with her now??? Yup there we go. Keith did you really not get it? Baby is more dense than we thought guys. Everyone go home.

“Perfect place to hide a magical world.” “Perfect place to crash and die.”

“We’re navigating by cave poetry now?”

“Lotor is sending you to your doom!”

“You need to zip it!”

Lotor stands by just :)))))))

Where is Lotor anyway?

OMG OMG OMG OMG BABY BABY BAYBNSUSLAJCKAKKDLQHFLAJDJSKKANFJSLB I’mSCREAMING

OH GOD if he keeps those the galra are nooooot gonna be happy... also white lion legit just /chose/ Lotor guys. He’s so PROUD of himself tho look at him. Ahhh and she looks so cute too.

I don’t think kuron knows he’s kuron. I mean I never did but I’m just gonna voice that now.

Yoooo Acxa still seems loyal to lotor wtf.

LOTOR TALKING ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD. BABY. BAAAAAAAABY. Look at his pouty face ahhhh omg they’re bonding FACK guys so ngl this was kinda my original ship when I first saw Lotor like I’m dying lmao they’re fucking adorable.

His hair floof <3

I want his markings back yo like I know they’d screw him but they looked /lovely/ on his faaaaace.

Lotor private spiritual journey.

Ahhhhh....

Lotor’s approach is so funny lmao... “We come seeking knowledge!” “I /will/ know your secrets!”

Ahhhhh baby you fucked up. I hope he isn’t too upset about that. I mean that was his conditioning it’s not fair. He even /said it/. Victory or death. Poor baby.

Yeah he’s looking kinda pissy. But he seems to be trying to handle it okay. Still soft. Good soft.

—OH NO. Oh shit and that’s it.

Well. Fuck. :(

[tarot-tatas]

A Time Like This

Read it on AO3

Look,

I'm on a study break and it's my own shark week. This shit hurts and my gf isn't here to comfort me because that's what I turn into when this happens - a whiny piss baby who needs princess time and cries about everything.

Makoto woke up on a Monday morning at her usual time of 6am. Criminals wouldn’t stop themselves, after all. 

She sat up, stretched and rubbed her eyes, expecting to see a familiar lump next to her in the bed. Normally, the lump would be stationary, probably snoring, but today wasn't the case. The lump was there, no doubt, but it was wriggling slowly. "Ann?" Makoto leaned over and gently pulled back the bed sheet with two fingers, expecting to see the calm sleeping face of her girlfriend. But she saw discomfort and pain instead. "Makoo~" Ann whined softly with her eyes shut and hands wrapped around herself. Makoto's blood turned cold and her heart dropped, going 'splat' into her stomach. "A-Ann, love, what's wrong?" Makoto asked gently, moving a blonde strand of hair away from her lover's face while knowing the answer to her question already.

Ann opened her eyes, watery and blue, and gazed at Makoto as if she was about to have the living daylights beaten out of her. "It's my time." Makoto's face whitened as moved closer to place a soft kiss on Ann's temple. "I'm sorry about that, will you call in sick from work?" Ann nodded and reached around to take Makoto's Buchimaru-kun pillow to hug tightly. "Do you want me to tell the others that you can't make it to lunch?" Makoto softened her voice more and stroked Ann's cheek with the back of her fingers. "Mmm...yes pwease..." Ann's weak reply instantly put Makoto on edge. The calm before the storm. "Would...would you like anything else?" Makoto was very careful with her words, knowing how easy it was for anyone to swing moods during a time like this. "Ice cream..." Makoto furrowed her brow and scratched the back of her head, feeling the little knots that had formed during her sleep. "It's a bit early for that, plus we both know that green tea is better to have that ice cream during th-" Ann's head snapped back to look at Makoto with a deadly glare. Makoto gulped, "Ann, you'll feel a lot better when you have tea - you know this." The blonde puffed out her cheeks and pulled the entire bed sheets to herself, leaving Makoto exposed in her Buchimaru-Kun pyjamas. "Ann," Makoto sighed and moved closer, but a hand struck out and jabbed Makoto by the cheek away. Ann huffed and curled up like a hedgehog, and Makoto sighed, swinging her legs off the bed. "Ann, please listen to me." Another huff. Makoto sat up and got dressed. "Would you like an appointment with Dr. Takemi?" Another huff. "Well what is it you want?" Makoto herself huffed at Ann while throwing open her cupboard door and pulling out her uniform. It was already 6:25am. "I can't understand huffs," she added, and was only met by a throaty groan. "You're a dog now?" Another short groan. Makoto rested her head against the mirror inside her cupboard. Shutting her eyes, she counted back from five to one. "Ann, I need to go to work. Is there anything you want while I am out?" "Ice cream," a proper mumble of a response. Makoto threw on her blue shirt and buttoned it up to the top. "There's ice cream in the fridge that you want to eat already, so I can't bring anymore home." Ann shot up and gave Makoto another scowl. "Why are you such a bitch?!" She snapped, her hands gripping the covers so tightly her knuckles were lightening in colour. "I'm not! You want ice cream, as silly as that is, and it's already in the fridge for you!" Ann threw the Buchimaru-kun pillow at Makoto with all the force her cramping body could muster. Makoto managed to block the aerodynamic panda just in time to hear an ungodly screech from her girlfriend. "Get out! I hate you!" "No you don't, you hate the pain," Makoto rolled her eyes and chucked the pillow back onto the bed before proceeding to finish getting dressed. "There's food in the fridge, take some tablets, I'll visit Takemi and get more painkillers too," Makoto looked over at the calender in their room and noticed the big red 'X' in red on the current date, then saw the black 'X' right under it to signal that she was due next week. "I'll get the rest of myself ready at the station, I'm running late," Makoto blew a kiss to the gremlin monster in the bed and picked up her biker jacket from the rack behind the door. She left the room and heard a scream and dodged the same Buchimaru-Kun pillow that shot out after her. "I'm a fucking hormonal princess! LOVE ME!" 

"Geez, you look like you've been fighting shadows," Ryuji smirked as Makoto took off her helmet and look at him with lifeless eyes. "It's Ann," she let out an exasperated sigh and dismounted her bike. The police station was right next to the café Haru owned and ran, and her boyfriend was sitting out the front with a cold drink on the table. "Good morning Mako-chan!" Haru came outside with a takeaway cup of coffee for Makoto, having known the police commissioner for a number years and her regular order. "Morning Haru, and thanks," Makoto gave a tired smile and took the coffee from Haru. "Ann's going through a tough time," she explained with an eyebrow raise towards Haru as an indication it was THAT time. "Oooh, I see," Haru nodded in understanding and touched her own stomach. "Lucky mine just finished. You would think after all of us being friends for so long that we would all sync up." "Yeah, that's true," Makoto chuckled and took a long sip of the coffee. Ryuji looked between his girlfriend and friend, confused and furrow browed. "Ya lost me." "It's a certain thing that we have because we have certain parts, darling," Haru patted his shoulder gently.

It took the blonde a minute, then the lightbulb switched on. "Oh it's the thing where you get me to hide the knives once a month!" He blurted out, which made Makoto blink in shock at Haru. "I'm...not even going to ask," Makoto was lost for words. "Don't," Ryuji warned then winked at Haru. Makoto's phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and saw an image from Ann...in her hoodie with the hood up, a scowl on her face and flipping the bird. Underneath was a message:

Ann: Bring home chocolate or sleep somewhere else "Did Ann-chan just start?" Haru asked Makoto, who let out a groan. Ann was wearing the 'emotions hoodie.' "Today, she's probably eating ice cream right now, seeing as that's what she wants." "Tea is normally better for us," Haru mused out loud and Makoto winced. "I always suggest tea and she throws a fit. You'd think by now I'm used to what she's like during menstruation," Makoto rubbed her eyes. "So I take it Ann ain't join' us for lunch then," Ryuji rocked on the back legs of his chair. "No way, unless you want to get pillows thrown at you," Makoto hung her head and turned on her heel. "I need to start work, see you guys later."

With her emotions hoodie on, Ann was curled up on the couch of the apartment she owned with Makoto. On the tv was a re-run of an old anime from the nineties. In Ann's lap was a tub of ice cream and next to her was a pile of painkillers. "I bet Sailor Moon didn't have cramps," she muttered, scooping up a dollop of ice cream and shoving it into her mouth. She had calmed down from the morning and was now just in a slump, and felt bad for yelling at Makoto out of the sheer pain that felt like someone swinging a sledgehammer against her ovaries. With a sigh, she picked up her phone and went into her messages and found the thread for her and Makoto. She typed out a quick message: Ann: Sorry bout this morning I didnt mean any of it, i love you <3

She sent it off and curled even tighter into a ball, knowing Makoto wouldn't look at her phone until she was on a break.

"I sure am glad I don't suffer from that monstrosity," Yusuke crossed his long arms and flicked his hair back. "Then why do you act like it half the time?" Akira asked, not missing a beat and not looking up from his phone. Yusuke could only look dumbfounded as Ryuji burst out into laughter with Morgana and Haru giggled with her hand over her mouth. Makoto was not paying attention, but reading the text Ann had sent her earlier in the day. She tapped out a response slowly, not knowing if Ann's mood had swung since the time the text was sent. Makoto: Its okay, I know. I love you too. A minute later, the phone vibrated again and Makoto looked at the screen. Ann: Can you please get the stronger meds? Makoto: Sure, did you want anything else, your majesty?

Ann: Crepes with chocolate and chocolate ice cream and pocky and chocolate mochi and chocolate cake and-

Makoto pocketed her phone and returned to the conversation, which was to no surprise still questioning Yusuke's very existence.

Ann opened the freezer and pouted at the the diminishing ice cream. She opened the fridge next and peered inside, finding a white chocolate mousse inside. "This will do," she sighed and pulled her victim from the fridge. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Setting aside the mousse and retrieving her phone, Ann opened the group chat thread and smiled at the picture of Yusuke looking shocked about something. Ann: Lmaooooo hahaha

She typed back a response and dug into her mousse, shutting her eyes tightly to ignore the bear trap that was just let off in her stomach.

"...Menstrual cycle, huh?" Makoto scowled at Takemi from across the examination. "Yes." "And yours is next week," Takemi didn't even look up from the boxes she was putting stickers on. Makoto flushed bright red and cross her arms and legs. "M-Mind your own business! You don't even know for sure!" Makoto squeaked and curled into herself as Takemi smirked. "I know because you're in sync with your sister," she handed the box of painkillers out to the younger Niijima, enjoying the frown on her face. Makoto pulled out her wallet and slapped the yen down on the table. "Keep the change, tell sis I said hi and to not share that stuff," she grumbled and left the room, a smirking Takemi watching her as she did so. "She didn't share it, kid. I'm a doctor."

Makoto turned the key to the apartment and entered. The lights were off, save the television playing. On the couch was Ann, half on her back half on her side fast asleep with her mouth open. Her hoodie was still up, so Makoto gently closed the door behind her and crept over the kitchen to set down the plastic bags and the takeaway on the counter. She took a deep breath, and gently approached the sleeping Ann and sat beside her. "Ann," Makoto let a finger trail along from Ann's shoulder to her arm. The blonde stirred and slowly opened her unfocused eyes. "...Mako..." "That's me, the bitch you hate," Makoto smiled pressed a kiss to Ann's head. Instantly, Ann curled up and groaned, "I...don't hate you..." "I know you don't," Makoto rubbed Ann's back in slow circular motions. "You hate the pain, and you're allowed to." "...It sucks," Ann sat up slowly and shook the hair out of her face. "I'm fucking gay I don't deserve this." Makoto chuckled and brought Ann into a hug. She let Ann rest against her and continued to rub her back and arm. "You don't, honey. You really don't." Ann let out a soft hum and relaxed even more, still wincing at the pain. "I got the pain killers for you, and brought home some takeout and a hot chocolate," Makoto said softly, and Ann lifted her head to look directly into brown eyes. "For me?" "For you," Makoto nudges Ann's nose gently, loving the dazed smile that came from the blonde. "You hormonal monster princess." Ann giggled and took down her hoodie to reveal matted twin-tails. She leaned in and gently kissed her girlfriend on the lips. Makoto tasted chocolate, and only chocolate, but at least it wasn't the taste of enemy blood. "Wanna eat on the couch?" Makoto mumbled against Ann's sweet lips. "Mhm," was the weak response. Ann spent the night in Makoto's lap with pad thai in her lap and the fluffiest hot chocolate ever on the coffee table in front of her. Makoto pampered her silly as they watched some strange game show featuring men say tongue-twisters or get their balls hit. "That," Ann said through a mouth of noodles. "That is what it's like." "I'll be sure to tell Yusuke," Makoto grinned.

~One Week Later~

Ann yawned and stretched, feeling better than ever. She had an early photoshoot out at the fishing pond. "Morning Mako," Ann rolled over to kiss her girlfriend, but got a groan in response. "Mako?" The blonde looked down and saw Makoto, thriving in pain with gritted teeth, clutching at her stomach. "Ann...Ann help..." The brunette hissed and whined, clinging to her Buchimaru-Kun pillow. Ann placed a hand to her cheek and sighed - it was her girlfriend's time. "Alright, what do you want babe?" Ann big spooned Makoto and rested her hands on the tight stomach. "Ice cream," was the response from the woman in pain. "Babe, it's 7am, you can't have ice cream for br-" "Shut up and get me dairy," Makoto snapped and curled up into a ball. Ann scowled and sat up again. "Fine, fine. I'm getting you green tea as well, it'll make you feel better." "Come back quickly, cancel everything I need you here," Makoto instantly whimpered and gave Ann a puppy dog pout. Ann put her hand on her hip and shook her head with a smile. "Sure thing, your majesty."

[smittenwithlouis]

Best of the 🦇 Fic

Aka Waiting On You by @lads-laddylads​

This is easily one of my favorite fics so I’ve compiled some of my favorite quotes, lines, and moments from this masterpiece. Enjoy!

⚰️ [Spoiler Warning!] 💉 

“You’re feisty for someone so small” [Definition of Louis Tomlinson right here ijs :/]

Harry bites the way he talks, and walks, and kisses, with an intensity that’s somehow on the right side of too much, overwhelming without being overbearing. [ Gentle 🦇 lover Harry tho...need I say more?]

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡WALL SEX!!!!!!!!!!

“What if he saw you up against the wall and taking my cock like this, this desperate for it after you tried so hard to pretend you weren’t interested?” [Lmao gentle lover but then he a nasty™ exhibitionist kinky bastard...excuse me but like...sign me tf up :/ also Niall would be out there pulling a Regina George’s Mom move with a video camera. Lets be real...aslo me as Niall]

"Please, c’mon, bite me again,”....“Baby, I don’t need more—” Harry begins .....”No, I need it, please, Harry, just—” Louis says, and when he sees Harry’s fangs descend, he feels like he could cry with relief [Honestly this scene killed me bc like LMAO he’s gagging to be bitten like...let that sink in for a sec and then you have 🦇 Harry like no no baby I’m good like u don’t gotta but Louis is like BINCH this for my pleasure not u tf...Iconic]

Louis turns around, he sees his clothing from the club last night in a neatly folded pile on the floor [Harry deadass fucking folded Louis’ clothes before he left. Like why is this such a Harry thing to do?When will your one night stand EVER, Lmao I HATE]

They may start humping each other with the next few minutes, and Louis wants to tell them to leave room for Jesus [Louis is such a little binch...why didn’t he leave room for J when he was dry humping Harry at the club?...smh]

“You’re all so fucking full of yourselves and it disgusts me.”....“You were so fucking full of me last week and you didn’t seem disgusted by that” [I SCREAMED SO LOUD LMAOOOOO. Honestly. I’m here for Harry calling out Louis in all his bs. This was iconic]

“Because people get off on being bitten? It’s like...a sexual thing...“Mmmm, no, that’s pretty much just you” [Imagine being that deep in denial or having no once of self awareness. Like kinda felt bad that he didn’t realize his own damn kink but LMAO now all his friends know he gets off on being bitten. Oh Louis hahahaha. Also, Harry being all smug about it. BYE]

Louis gently burrows his feet under Harry’s thigh. It keeps his toes warm [This was just so cute and super relatable cause I literally do the same thing rip]

A young vampire who looks like he’d rather be actually dead than undead and working at Panera [This line LMAO. Idk if many people appreciate this type of humor but I do. I giggled so much]

“I’m a cop and I could report this restaurant for at least three health code violations” [Hahaha he’s so endearing and so aggravating at the same time. But its so cute how he does shit like this and you know on the surface it pisses Louis off but in reality he’s so endeared by it. I’m here for Harry cheating to get what he wants tbh]

“Up we go” Harry says [STOP this was so cute! Literally all I pictured was that gif of that bodyguard picking Louis up like he weighed nothing :’) my smol son...bless him]

“Vampires don’t even fucking sweat” Louis mutters to himself angrily [Okay but how iconic was this scene? Harry is such a damn tease. Louis had been fantasizing about H covered in oil and as if H KNEW he was like I don’t got oil but this water will do...like LMAO. So Louis being sexually frustrated and grumpy like a kitten with a “🦇s don’t sweat” was just so funny lol]

“Are we — are we gonna have sex now?” Louis asks when Harry lays him down.Harry laughs, and that seems rude. Louis and Harry have had sex before, so why not have it again? Louis is in his bed, after all, so he doesn’t understand why Harry is trying to play hard to get. Why else would Louis be in his bed?Louis feels his eyes slipping closed, but he’s going to ask these questions because he wants answers.“Just go to sleep, baby,” Harry says softly, and no. No, Louis isn’t going to do that [The damn nerve Louis has to say Harry is the one playing hard to get BOI lol. But like this scene is so endearing. Like, Harry just saved his ass and Louis is so damn drunk and HARRY CALLED HIM BABY. Ugh its disgustingly sweet. I love it :’)]

“Smaller than I remember,” Louis says, swallowing hard. Harry’s smirk only widens [I’m that gif of that dude looking into the camera like I’m in the office. Like, Louis trying to pretend like Harry doesn’t have a monster**** and didn’t get fucked for an inch of his life is so fucking petty and hilariously embarrassing lol]

“So, I was thinking that we should have sex,” Louis says suddenly, and Harry chokes on his drink [This was so abrupt and just lololol he was so done with being sexually frustrated this was also when I screamed FINALLY BINCH]

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡HANDCUFF SEX!!!!!!!!!!

“I want to watch the Vampire Diaries,” Louis decides finally [need I say more lmaooo]

He reaches for Harry. Harry opens his arms to Louis immediately, burying his face into Louis’ neck, and Louis shivers slightly, rubbing at Harry’s back [this was such a small and tender moment. It was just so cute since up to this point they had rarely been really affectionate like this it just made me feel all asdfghjkl...also tho I felt bad for Niel]

Louis can’t help but scoot closer to him, wrapping his arms around Harry’s torso and clinging to him like a koala bear [this was just cute okay???]

Finally, Harry huffs out a sigh and leans in, giving Louis a kiss on his cheekbone [I live for small little moments like this FUCK ME UP with emotions and feelings rip]

"I have Steve talking about pterodactyl porn, I have Niall speculating about whether it’s legal to marry ducks in the District of Colombia" [shit like this makes me side eye writers tbh like...now I know u’ve seen or talked about some weird shit. Like, Emma how did u even come up with this??? How much pterodactyl porn have u watched? like...I’m not judging u or nuffin but lowkey I’m like how much of a freak is she? Ya feel me? Get back to me on this lmao I need explanations....]

Harry’s shirt is riding up slightly, exposing the trail of hair that leads into Harry’s boxers, and there’s a small bit of a drool pooling on Harry’s skin. Oops [Excuse me but like this is so cute? Louis droolin on Harry...as gross asit may be like...how endearing tho? Again little shit like this is what makes me adore fics so much. Bless]

“Why aren’t you into me?” The words burst out of Louis suddenly, and that definitely wasn’t what he meant to say [This made me feel so asdfghjkl for Louis cause like I felt bad but also it was his fault in the first place but again with him bursting out with his feelings is so cute]

“I was waiting on you,” Harry says simply, and Louis’ heart skips a beat [I SCREAMED SO LOUD LIKE YALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE WHEN AUTHORS PUT THE TITLE IN THEIR STORY OR LIKE THE TITLE COMES FROMA LINE IN THE STORY. BLESS UP]

“I can’t believe you thought I didn’t want you,” Harry says, pulling away just enough to speak. “Do you think I handcuff all of my friends and let them ride me on the sofa?” His eyes are sparkling [Honestly Louis...like wyd boi]

Louis can tell that even in the throes of pleasure, Harry’s first concern is making sure Louis doesn’t get hurt [Gentle 🦇 lover Harry at it again]

Harry bites into Louis’ left ass cheek with his fangs, and Louis cries out loudly enough that he’d be concerned for Harry’s neighbors if he cared about anything other than this right now [How much nastier™ can this get tho? BYE]

Harry reaches his finger down Louis’ crack, teasing gently, but he can’t quite reach where he wants to touch. He makes a frustrated noise and hitches Louis’ leg up, forcing Louis to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck until he’s up against the wall yet again [Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE WYD??? LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS!! So, Harry loves to have Louis pinned to walls and lives for the exhibitionism...me as H tbh]

“I didn’t even hear the goddamn door open,” Louis mutters. “But what’s your excuse? You have super hearing!” [He was to busy fingering u in the bathroom hallway NOT EVEN IN THE BATHROOM but the damn hallway!! :/ Also, did he even wash his hands afterwards? Harry over there talking about health code violations to the wanting to be dead, undead Panera boy but he over here fingering Louis’ ass and not even washin his hands afterwards...ya nasty]

Harry goes full on drama with it and dips Louis right there in the middle of the restaurant [Louis as if ur life doesn’t revolve around drama...sit yo big ass down istg...also this was extra af but cute af so like I’m here for this]

He wraps his larger pinky around Louis’ smaller one as he speaks, and Louis gives him a small smile and nods [THIS IS LOWKEY SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING FOR PNL. YOU AIN’T SLICK BINCH. I SEE U. Anyways, y’all can read Pinkies Never Lie HERE. Good shit. Good shit...lots of hot sex especially H wearing his rings fingering Louis scene...ijs. This scene was cute too btw]

It was raining that day, and in Louis’ mind’s eye, every rain droplet that hit the car window was there to cleanse him of everything that he had been with Luke [Literally look can CHOKE but I liked this sentence quite a lot]

“And in the last ten minutes, I’ve revised my opinion on your intelligence quite a bit, so for it to go even lower is saying something" [Listen, Nick being involved was quite a shock I will admit...but also he was literally so dumb af in this scene and I love that Harry told him so lololol]

“Louis,” Harry says, and Louis forces his eyes open again. “I love you. I love you so much.” “I love you too,” Louis says, voice quiet and raspy from the damage done to his neck. “Yeah?” Harry says, smiling as he wipes some blood from the corner of Louis’ mouth. “Don’t get cocky about it,” Louis says. His vision is spotty and Harry’s voice sounds very far away. Harry laughs, eyes still wet with tears. “You hadn’t said. Before.” “I was waiting on you,” Louis says, a small smile on his face, echoing what Harry had once said to him [This fucking scene ripped my heart out like wtf SO ASDFGHJKL!!!!!!!!!!!! Like this would be the time they said I love you. I HATE but like I love all at once??? and Like this time Louis was waiting on Harry and IM A MESS FUCC U EMMA U SUCC!!!]

Louis can feel Harry’s fingers tracing a three on his good wrist, and he realizes suddenly that he’s not drawing a three, that he was never drawing a three. He’s drawing a heart [THIS. JFC. Honestly Emma you’re such a sapp...this was so fucking cute and fluffy and asdfghjkl FUCC U]

“But don’t pull a stunt like that ever again,” James says, smiling ear to ear. “I don’t need my lead detective to be the first vampire to die of a heart attack in the history of vampirism” [Lmao me as James...honestly the way Louis attracts trouble...Harry would get a damn heart attack lol]

“Why does everyone always think that arguing is our version of a mating ritual" [Is this binch forreal??? Cause it literally was...they’re bickering and arguing was all foreplay tbh. LOLOLOL]

“Oh Luke,” he says, voice amused. “You still don’t get it. I figured out for myself that I was worth something long before I even met Harry. He was just the first vampire I’d met in a while who believed it too” [YASSSSSSSSS BINCH. THIS RIGHT HERE!!!! IS SO IMPORTANT.SO SO SOOOO IMPORTANT!!! HE DON’T NEED NO ONE TO REALIZE AND KNOW HE’S WORTH IT]

While Harry gets their satanic ritual or whatever it is he’s aiming for going [Hahahaha again with this type of humor. I LOVEEEE]

“A lifetime with you is never going to feel like enough,” Harry says honestly” ... “I guess it’s good that you’re going to have me for longer than that, then,” Louis says [LOUIS GONNA BE A VAMP!!!! FOREVER TOGETHER IM SO HAPPY!!! Also, can we get a sequel? drabble? SUMFFIN?? I vote for hot and hard 🦇 sex ayeee!]

“We were worth the wait” Louis clarifies finally [BINCH FUCK U IMA MESSSSSSSS]

Anyways, this is long af and totally unnecessary but I enjoyed reading this SO DAMN MUCH. I’m in love with this fic. There was a little bit of everything I enjoy reading. I’m still a bit annoyed that I didn’t guess Nick was the second person involved...I was always side eyeing Jeff just cause he didn’t do shit in this fic (funny how art imitates real life lol) and thought it would of been a big WTF lol. Emma, I know this fic was a nightmare at times to write but thank you so much for writing this. Especially bc it was somewhat out of your comfort zone and stuff so I really appreciate it. Okay, Imma stop being sappy and shit but you know how much my weird ass adores fics like this. So, THANK YOU! 

Everyone please go read the 🦇 fic if ya haven’t already and if you have...READ IT AGAIN. 

Xx.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 28.07.17 lb

plain text version here. 

svetlana - queen of on-the-fly plan making. on how to dispose of a dead body even. my flawless queen. 😍😍😍

“godddd, mujhe is duniya ki sabse irritating sautan mili hai.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂

god jhanvi’s actually the worst. she’s got zeroooooooooo chill. 🙄🙄🙄

what’s with the raaaandom white tie around her waist? it’s ruining the otherwise hot outfit. 😣😣😣

svetlana’s A+ handling of incident. she should go into PR! 🙃🙃🙃

oh boy. the press has gotten photos. this is notttttttt goood. 😬😬😬

ugh gauriiiiiiiiii, i don’t like these dheelam dhaaale kapde of yours. 😑😑😑

like shrenu’s so tiny to start with. uske upar, swathing her in waaaaaaay too much kapda like this is just so ugh. 😫😫😫

ooh nice comforter. someone leak where it’s from. 😙😙😙

why are they playing this happy happy sanskaari music, usually used for establishing shots of family scenes? 😐😐😐

musiccccc just changed into EXTRA DRAMATIC AND SCARY. 😯😯😯

girl chill. it’s not like you were reading his diary. 😕😕😕

even om is like girl calm down, it’s your room too. 

poor gauri. she still doesn’t know his original om waala personality and is walking on eggshells all the time around him, scared of what he’ll accuse of her next. 😔😔😔

is this the first time he’s recited poetry in front of her???? look at her starstruck expression! girllll, you don’t even know the level of how dreamy this boy can get. just you wait. you’re not gonna know what hit you when he starts putting the moves on ya! 😊😊😊

no but really, have they changed the team of who was writing om during DBO and gone back to the original? coz this is pure classic Original Omkara™ and i can’t stop crying because of how perfect he is. my boyyyyy. he’s baaaaaack. i had lost all hopeeee, and now he’s back!!!!! 😫😫😫

ok again... CANONICALLY, om was 4 when rudra was born. are you telling me a 5 year old om made that picture??? ffs, come on; we all know he’s closer to shivaay’s age. just make that canon already. make him like 6 months - a year younger or whatever, but come on. 😒😒😒

om opening up to gauri this way, god, i’m crying. when have we seen him express himself like this, even to his brothers? he hasn’t. ughhhh, i’m soooooo happppyyyyyyy. *weeping* 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

the way they’re looking at eachhhhhhhhhh otherrrrrr. 💘💘💘

“hunar ki aisi ki taisi! hum hunar ko ek jhaaanp mein deewaar pe sataa denge!” 

actually me. my solution to every problem is “can i beat it up and make it comply?” 😗😗😗

om’s affectionate smile at her! she’s just so endearing! 😍😍😍

GAURI KUMARI SSARMA TO THE RESCUE. 😇😇😇

imma need the writers to make @ilovefusion ‘s idea canon and use That Scene from titanic as inspiration. #tharkisUnite 

bhavya’s out for some casual friday night grave robbing. 😊😊😊

first of all, why do all the names have “late” in front of them? yes, they’re ALL “late”, and that’s why they’ve been buried???? “late” is a prerequisite for burial. 😐😐😐

secondly, that’s not how you spell JOHN. jesus. 🙄🙄🙄

she’s actually doing this. she’s actually desecrating a grave. 😶😶😶

um, why the the locket out there in the mud? didn’t john’s family spring for a damn coffin before burying him????????? they just put him directly in the ground? 😟😟😟

YO WTH AT LEAST COVER THE DAMN GRAVE BACK UP? WHAT THE FUCK KINDA RUDEASS DISRESPECT TO THE DEAD.... JOHN’S FULLY GONNA COME BACK TO HAUNT YO ASS, ACP ANDA. 😒😒😒

snort, these two woke up on the wrong side of their beds today. 😆😆😆

awwwwwww, hiiiiiii babyyyyyy. 👶🏽👶🏽👶🏽

eeeee, bringing back the “awwwwwww”! 😊😊😊

a nakuul smile - not a shivaay smile. 😄😄😄

ooooh yeah baby, tie him upppppppp. #tharkiAF 😏😏😏😏😏😏

lolllll rudra ko bas maukaaaa chahiye ragini ka band bajaane ka. 😆😆😆

too cute!!!!!! 😚😚😚

oufffo shivaaaaaay, backkkkk on your BS. i thought kal ke baaad sudhar gaye honge. but hmph. of course not. 😒😒😒

devar squad is not happy. shivaay will have to pay for this. 😬😬😬

lmao ok wow, this has actually become a screaming match. the who tied his APRON waala issue. 😕😕😕

“tu sochta hi kab hai?????”

ooooooooooh. omki - 1, shivaay - 0. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

pft. we know you’ve forgiven her already dil se. bas tumhara stupid dimaaaag hasn’t gotten the memo yet. 😑😑😑

ohhhhh boy, this one still thinks that the omkara thing might be true, and is hiding it. 😶😶😶

why didn’t he get stealth dna test done, ala khushi kumaari gupta??? 🤔🤔🤔

omkara has haaaaaad it with shivaay’s shit today. he’s not holding back even a little. 😇😇😇

oh god please don’t show me flashbacks from the wedding from hell. it’s been over half a year and i still haven’t gotten over it. seeing anything from that episode feels like a punch to the gut. 😖😖😖🤢🤢🤢

hells yeahhhhhhhh devar squad. callllllll him outttttttt. MAKE HIM AWARE OF ALL HIS GARBAGE BEHAVIOUR. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

lmao, shivaay still trying to win - EK POINT AUR HAI MERE PAAS!!!!!! (said in the most insecure, stammering voice) 😆😆😆

OH HO RUDRA. KUCH NAHI REHTA IS LADKE KE PET MEIN. 😑😑😑

LMFAO, MOST PISS POOR DAMAGE CONTROL EVER. IDIOTS. 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

too late though. shivaay’s suspicion has been raised. 🙈🙈🙈

god i love these two buff, bearded stupid cupids too much. 👼🏽👼🏽

girlfriends out on a chaiiiiiiiiiiiii date! 😊😊😊

svetlana’s sooooo not the tapri se chai peene waali type tho. the things we do for love! 😚😚😚

oh ho jhanvi, jo ho gaya, woh ho gaya. live your best life from now on! (WITH YOUR NEW HOT MURDER GIRLFRIEND.) 👭🏽👭🏽👭🏽

WAIT WHAT, THEY JUST LEFT HIM IN THE OPEN GRAVE? OHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO, THAT MEANS HE’S NOT DEAD FOR REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 😫😫😫😫😫

oh wait. they did cover him up? HE’S DEAD FOR REAL? *gets hopes slightly up again* 😶😶😶

lmaooooo, ek toh phone gumaa deti ho, upar se svetlana se attitude. pft. get your shit together, jhanviiiii. 🙄🙄🙄

lol oh no, what are these two idiots cooking up now? 😟😟😟

again with this dinner plan. kitni baaar dinner karwaoge in dono se? kuch naya socho yaar. 🙄🙄🙄

“embarrassed, AUR WOH?” 

lololol shivaay knows his wife too well. 😆😆😆

snort. height jokes. bechaara. 😂😂😂

ohhhhhhhhh boy. pichli baar 15000 rs. ka phatka laga tha, door tod ke. is baar naa jaane shivaay kya kya tod dega aur kitne ka bill aayega. 😬😬😬

just calllll the damn phone. 😒😒😒

thank god. jhanviiiiii has the same brainwave. 

ok fwd fwd fwdddddd till they get the phone. ⏩⏩⏩

random musing while fwding: i’m really digging the red hair on reyhna, man. it looks sooooooooo good on her. 😍😍😍

I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. GODDAMNNNITTTTTT. UGH FUCKKKKKKK YOU TEJJJJJJJJJJJJ. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO THE RIGHT THING AND STAYYYY DEAD???? 😩😩😩😩😩

what if this was tej/svetlana’s plan? to make jhanvi think she killed him, and then gaslight her with the guilt into going insane and then putting her in the same asylum as buamaa. *sigh* i bet this is the plan. 😞😞😞

ugh, why this stupid plaid suit? kal ka sweater waala look waapas laooooooooooooo! 😣😣

oh it’s in the “STOREROOM” again huh???? 

still can’t get over how they tried to pass THIS hugeasssss hall, which is twice as big as my whole apt. put together, as a “storeroom”. 😒😒😒

OH DAMN. MY GIRL LOOKS HOT AFFFFFFFFFFFFF. *pushes shivaay aside and steals his girl from him* 😍😍😍

Awareness™ . haaaaaaaaaaye. 💘💘💘

YEAH BOY YOU CHECK HER OUTTTTTTTTT. SHE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING FIRE. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

ouff, again with the contrived trip fall. why couldn’t she fall towards him this time, and press up against him all deliciouslyyyyyy? 😏😏😏

HOW IS HE NOT KISSING HER???? LOOK AT HER. LOOOOOOOOOK AT HER?!!?!?!? 😯😯😯

ugh, why’re they using the exaaaact same flashback moments from the earlier scene. so boring. 😑😑😑

YAS HE’S LOOKING AT HER MOUTH AND INCHING CLOSER. YAS. KISS HER, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!! 😫😫😫

ok not to kill the moment or anything, but how do nakuul/surbhi shoot scenes like this? must be hellllllllll on their kamars no? is the show sponsored by moov? just looking at them is making my kamar hurt.  🤔🤔🤔

god. why are these two not banging?!?! the sexual tension is fucking killing ME. how are they even standing it????? 😩😩😩

... how quickly will this date degenerate into accusations and angst? 

i saaaaaaaaaay 10 minutes. tops. 😗😗😗 place your bets in replies. 

OUFF JHANVI. YOU’RE THE WORST LIAR EVER. 😣😣😣

yet another reason to get rid of bhavya: jhanvi cannot have an cop for a bahu now that she’s a (attempted?) murderer. come on. bring back sumo, who will give jhanvi A+ ideas on how to get out of this, based on her research. 😊😊😊

honestly, kya kismat hai jhanvi ki; two cops as kids-in-law. not the best position to be in as a murderer. 😬😬😬

WILL YOU PPL JUST LET JHANVI GO TO BED ALREADY???? SHE’S HAD A LONG HARD DAY OF MURDERIN’. 😥😥😥

oh shit. this is why you should have set up a google alert for the oberoi name, jhanvi. 😬😬😬

since when do any of the kids in this house bother talking to their parents??? like... rudra’s concern for tej is honestly looking bizarre. 😕😕😕

GODDAMNIT JHANVI PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. 😒😒😒

wtffffffffffffff, after alllllll this, bhavya doesn’t even know what the fuck is in the locket?????? goddddddddd. 😤😤😤

OMFG THIS IDIOT ANDA, EVEN CHILDREN HIDE THEIR THINGS BETTER THAN THIS. THIS IS OFFICIAL FUCKING EVIDENCE TO BE PRESENTED IN COURT, YOU SENTIENT BAG OF HAIR!!!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

why the fuck does her denim jacket say TOY STORY on the back? 😟😟😟

OK LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT THESE TWO, CAN WE GO BACK TO SHIVIKA AND THEIR DATE PLEASE????????? 😒😒😒

who the fuckkkkk even is rudra to ask her these things? 😑😑😑

good. put him in his place, bhavya. honestly. such a weird entitlement rudra seems to have towards her for no good reason??????? 😕😕😕

anika, haath se khaana hai, theek hai, par please, insaano ki tarah khao! WHY WOULD YOU SERVE YOURSELF WITH YOUR HAND????? GROSS. COME ON GIRL. 😬😬😬😒😒😒

is ragini spying on them through some hidden camera or something??? 🤔🤔🤔