#so toppable.

[kinnbig]

I was gonna specify which Gun I mean but it's funnier if I don't.

i’m going to assume you mean Gun from KinnPorsche, and specifically when he’s in his polo and shorts to the coup era

[saintbarou]

gale dekarios i could make you shoot blanks

[takami-takami]

Why did my mind instantly go to Keigo when I saw this?! 😂

LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY

[t4tstarvingdog]

when i have penis i’ll be unstoppable

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

so desperate for irl gay friends that i made a lex profile but lex in indiana is just like. the same 10 tenderqueers asking if anyone wants an "enby" fwb to hold hands with and watch buzzfeed unsolved or whatever and like. married poly cis women like i can't do this 😭😭😭

[lilyblisslys]

I don't think spreadable means able to be passed around? I thought it meant like. Toppable

just because I’m both doesn’t mean everyone should say so 😭

[mcl38]

lmao i had to unfollow a mclaren moot because they took the "twink" thing to an extreme and were pointing out how he's just oscar's little twink and would always be fragile and small instead of big and strong and fit like "broadscar" and i really just had to. 🤦‍♀️ fit? FIT? lando was the only driver not on the brink of fainting after qatar, not everything in f1 is about how "broad" and "muscular" you seem. i wanted to give the benefit of doubt at first but when the fetishizing gay relationships turned into pushing these bodyshaming stereotypes onto a literal professional athlete i was out.

i mean its so wild bc half of them seem to give the twink descriptor to both drivers and half specifically pin it on lando because hes smaller than oscar & make it into a whole Dynamic of lando being sooo toppable or whatever. which just shows that there isnt actually any weight to 'twinklaren' at all and it rly is meaningless, bc surely if it was clear cut and obvious these differences wouldnt exist ykwim? like its just about what serves their fandom purpose in that moment

idk i think as much as the term broadscar is unfortunately quite funny to me, f1 fandom discussions abt weight and bodies r kind of bound to become problematic (real sense not 2014 tumblr sense) bc of the requirements of the sport. the way lewis has said that hes not allowed to bulk up because it would make his weight balance too lopsided (as a side note u guys do not know how ready i am for post retirement bicep BEAST lewis hamilton. the only way im gonna survive him retiring) etc like its not just about appearance for them.

in terms of how lando is fit like ur 100% right - stuff like qatar shows that he (and jon) has been doing his due diligence w preparing for these conditions. u can also just see in that last quadrant video how hes obviously very physically fit and ready for the season. its just that bodies have natural differences between them - oscar is genetically taller, lando is genetically more flexible; oscar is naturally broader around his arms, lando is naturally broader around his back, etc. and its not necessarily an issue to point these things out or even joke about them (when ppl say daniel's got birthing hips it still makes me laugh and its been years since i first heard it) but at some point it does start to show a fundamental misunderstanding of what f1 drivers do. like do i need to pull up the real sweat im a high performance athlete clip or what

so thats on the body stuff. re: the twink stuff i think the reason it rubs me, you, many ppl wrong even before we consciously realise it is like. a twink is a type - not just a body type, a *type*. in the gay male* community, you identify yourself as a twink (or bear, otter, etc) because some people are particularly attracted to twinks, bc they have a type. then obviously because the gay community is way more than just sexual attraction & has a lot of cultural capital, the term twink gained connotations and cultural history etc and grew past that. but the origins are still very much in gay male* attraction. so now that the term has become accessible to ppl who arent in that community, and therefore arent *participating*, identifying someone by their physical characteristics (and maybe implied penetrative sex preference) no longer has the subtext of appeal, but of derision. because no longer is it implied that everyone involved is a gay man*, which means calling someone a twink also implicitly calls them gay. and i think 'twink' specifically gained traction compared to other types also bc of its association w femininity in one's physical appearance - which, again, ur just derogatorily calling someone feminine and gay. even if, say, ur a member of the lgbt community who isn't a gay man*, it still carries the subtext - like anon u completely correctly identified the condescending undertones of whoever ur talking about. which is why i say we should just bring back fag #justsayfag

[shodaw]

Your ass is so toppable (respectfully) but I’m so scrawny you’d probably break me and honestly I’d enjoy it lol.

The “(respectfully)” killed me

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

I appreciate that Guel and El0n are working together in the epilogue because Guel spends the entire show eminently toppable but he doesn't really have any good ship-worthy interactions with anyone besides Suletta (who probably could top him if it weren't for the whole lesbian thing) so it feels nice that they put him with a mean twink who can push him around

[toppamplemousse]

saw your url scrolling the dash very fast and accidentally misread as “toppable mouse” and I was like. u know what. REAL — @gayferrari

SO TRUE. charles is the toppable mouse. and infact, who is topping that mous—[GUNSHOT]

[dykeomania]

ellie is so toppable like

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Begging you to rank Top(pable) 5 Riddlers. All riddle men up for grabs here

Janie as you plainly know I've been letting this fester in my inbox for weeks, stopping occasionally to shake my fist at it like a curmudgeon while refusing to actually engage.

but I also didn't delete it, and that's turned out to be my downfall because I finally started thinking about it and regrettably I now have opinions.

5. I really waffled on this one because I'm not actually caught up on Harley Quinn and haven't actually seen him in action w/ his boyf, but my objectively correct vibe check is that he's an extremely toppable vers who's currently happily doing duty as a top to accommodate Clock King's bitchy pillow princess. will provide updates on this take when I actually catch up.

4. he's popping off a (barely) more restrained version of the scheme that the Eddie at #2 is pulling, ie, tricking Bruce into having dinner with him by any means necessary. what he lacks in screaming hysteria he makes up for in his coy little maneuvering to casually inform Bruce that he's bi and then waiting for him to do something about it. passive to his own detriment tbh. Batman is already hanging out drinking your champagne, just make a move you dork ass loser.

3. Catwoman: Lonely City. not the most traditionally flamboyant Riddler (probably because he's not doing coke anymore, and also his knees hurt) but he's canonically hooking up with Selina so the toppability is pretty much a prerequisite. diversity win! this old man gets pegged!

2. Batman Adventures Vol. 2. this man is nominally retired from crime and now has literally zero goal in life outside of antagonizing the Penguin and trying to get Bruce to rail him, something that I genuinely think could fix his mental health. they had to write this Riddler into a coma because he was this close to just joining the Batfam and slonking Bruce's shit silly style.

1. I literally do not need to elaborate on this one thank you all for your time.

[chrishemsworthsbitch]

Chris looks so toppable sometimes ☹️

Like in my head I know that man is probably a top but my heart just wants to bend him over so bad 😭

Like just let me hold you tight and squeeze your tits and kiss your neck until you’re whimpering and whisper sweet nothings and i love yous in your ear while I’m inside you 😭 is that too much to ask?

[transbrucewayne]

hi, i hope you're doing well!! for the fmk: mark webber, sebastian vettel & jenson button :)

oh my god you want me to die (/j!!) anon I’m doing well but this is so difficult okay let’s go

marry. mark. I will be the controversially young husband this time 🎀

fuck. sebastian. oh my god this decision was so hard but that twinky little demon…that evil brat…I HAVE to dom him like—I’m stopping myself now okay

kill. 😞 JENSON I’M SO SORRY I FEEL AWFUL but my reasoning is he’d probably be *too* good like. he’s not deranged enough like mark or toppable enough like sebastian. Forgive me Jenson

If given the choice. It would be all 🤞🎀

[scarletlizzard]

Now, let’s address your contentious rankings, shall we? In fact, I may rate your rankings based on their veracity.

First up: Good to Bad. Well, it appears you’ve ranked me as the worst of your anons for the reason ‘British’, which is of course sound logic from a colonialist perspective, but on an individual basis you pathetically fawn over the accent. 4/10.

Smallest to Tallest. It’s adorable that you think 5’7 is some towering stature, but I think that your perspective is warped by how often you’re on your knees around me. Very cute and very submissive. 10/10.

Likeliness to Be Pulled Over by ‘Cops’ (very American). Whilst I am no sinful malefactor, being ranked lower than the puppy and bow on this is quite frankly offensive, and I fear you may have underestimated how quickly I drive. Also, you are forgetting to minimise my own disdain for the police, which would prevent me from pleading my case. ACAB 3/10.

Little Spoon or Big Spoon. Darling, you knew when you wrote this that I was coming for you. Having said that, my dominance is not so fragile that the idea of being cuddled threatens it. I do much prefer to be big spoon, but am happy to have you as a little backpack if you so wish. 5/10.

Toppable Anons. Too easy? Doesn’t even deserve an explanation, little brat, though it may warrant a punishment. 0/10.

Reasons for Arrest. Stalking seems to check out on this occasion, all incriminating evidence is contained within this ask, guilty plea entered, 7/10 (simply because you’ve failed to mention the myriad additional transgressions from when I eventually get you alone. Does ‘knife-play’ ring any bells?).

Ice Cream Flavours. Mint chocolate chip is my joint favourite, alongside pistachio. 10/10.

Kinks. Me, begging you? Confirmed? Again, should I even bother to respond? I have some deliciously pathetic pleas from you somewhere under my tag…0/10.

Marvel Characters. Considering your own obsession with Wanda, I’ll embrace it with open arms. Having said that, you seeing me as an anti-hero rather than worshipping me as your saviour is problematic. 8/10.

-🫖

Ooooh, the fact that you've rated them makes this even better!

See? British. Bad! (Is it that pathetic?)

Well... it's almost 4 inches taller than me. Me? On my knees for you? (Absolutely)

Drive fast AND acab... ACAB?? (Yeah, you're getting it FOR SURE. Hottest thing you could ever say, on my knees as I'm typing this.) To quote Stormzy, Fuck the government and fuck Boris ?

I 100% did know 😊 (Anyways, I absolutely want to be your backpack!)

Oh, you didn't like that one, huh 👀 0/10?? (Little brat AND punishment?? You really didn't like that oopsie)

Glad you've entered a guilty plea! (It rings a few bells... perhaps I should change this one up a little.)

OH MY GOD! I'm so fucking good, last night I was between mint chocolate chip and pistachio! This made me actually so happy, hahah (Mint chocolate chip seems more British, so that's my reasoning for picking it, in case you were wondering how I came to my conclusion.)

I absolutely knew the 0/10 was coming for this one... Hey, never say never! Me? Begging you? Never! (More than I should)

Who says I'm not worshipping the anti-hero?

[brandstifter-sys]

These Dreams

Chapter 4: Elusive                (Ao3) (must be signed in)

For @dukexietyweek 2023 Day 4 - Pirates

Word Count: 1066

Rating: T

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Roman

Warnings: ftm Remus, genderfluid Virgil, sexual themes, death, violence, (fake) trans pregnancy, dreams

Remus always dreamed of being a pirate captain on the open seas, tricking people with his wiles and fighting alongside his crew. But this dream has a twist that he couldn't anticipate, not that he's complainging!

---

Remus had his back against the wall, sea-soaked wood digging into his tattered green frock. His hands were up in surrender as the admiral pressed his blade to Remus' throat, but he was smiling wickedly and his eyes were lidded coyly as if he had some trick up his bloody sleeve. 

Remus always had a trick up his sleeve. His crew learned quickly that the captain was wily and crafty. He could hide his chest in a flash and take down a merchant ship with a bag of marbles and a bottle of piss. He was the unstoppable, but very toppable, scourge of the seas! 

The admiral knew him all too well, better than anyone else. Roman wouldn't be so easy to fool, but he had some weaknesses. Remus knew him better than anyone else. He had to think fast. 

He scanned the ship and spotted the new cooper on his knees with his hands on his head and three muskets aimed at him. There were dead and dying naval officers around him. He was tall and broad with dark hair, stormy eyes, and strange tattoos on his forearms. Remus was intrigued when they pulled him from that desert island. He was a vicious fighter and in just as much trouble. Remus could work with that. 

"You don't want to kill your own brother, Romeypoo!" Remus cooed. 

"Bold words coming from a felonious fiend!" Roman scoffed and pressed the blade into his skin, pinpricks of blood beading on the blade. 

"You don't want to kill someone expecting a baby!" Remus jeered, inadvertently digging the edge deeper past his skin. He liked the slight sting. It reminded him that he was still alive.

"Expecting?" Roman questioned and furrowed his brow, "With whom?" 

Remus waved his hand and pointed to the man on his knees. 

"Him. Why else would he be so unforgiving?" Remus shrugged. 

"Men! Bring that menace here!" Roman barked and turned to his brother, speaking in a low voice, "Don't think I won't eviscerate you right here if I find you're lying." It was an empty threat, and it was obvious when he sheathed his sword. 

The three of them obeyed and pulled the cooper up and dragged him over, forcing him to kneel by the admiral. He was glaring at the brothers, ready to kill them both, captain or not. He was not going to be a sacrifice for the crew. 

Roman got one look at Virgil and scoffed. 

"You're lying," he said flatly, "There's no way you managed to sleep with this man." 

"Why? Think he's too hot for me? I don't blame you!" Remus laughed, "But it's true, he's the father!" 

Remus eyed the cooper and winked. He had to go along with it if he wanted to get out of this alive. 

"The dirt on the ground is too good for you," Roman huffed and grabbed him by the shirt, "You can't escape this time!"

"Get your hands off him!"

Thud

Thud

Thud

Roman and Remus froze and stared at the cooper. He was on his feet and storming closer. 

Roman dropped Remus and stepped back. He was ready to run. 

"Don't fucking touch him if you value your neck." 

"My men!" 

"They're alive—for now." 

"Captain, a little help!" Roman yelped. 

Remus was too entranced to think. He was almost certain that he was going to faint from the amount of swooning he was doing. He was considering making that lie a truth.

"Virgil!" Remus gasped, more aroused than afraid. He wasn't sure why he said that name but it felt right. It tasted like honey as it left his lips. 

"The captain doesn't order me around when my future child is in danger," Virgil growled and hoisted Roman up so they were face to face, "Right now, you listen to me." 

Roman was scared shitless. He nodded quickly and trembled.

"Take your men, leave this ship, and act like you never crossed us." 

It was almost comical how quickly they fled after Virgil released the admiral, gathering the fallen and releasing the rest of the crew. Remus was impressed. 

But once the naval ship was out of sight and the rest of the crew started cleaning up, Virgil turned his lethal attention to Remus.  

Remus grunted when his back hit the wall and he stared up at the most beautiful pair of blue eyes. He squirmed as Virgil had him pinned by the shirt. 

"Why the hell did you go with that excuse?" 

"Because my brother wouldn't want to hurt his niece or nephew, or anyone with a baby on the way. And he didn't!" 

"And of all the men on board, why would you pick me as the fake father?" 

"You were fighting the hardest! You looked like you had extra motivation!" 

"That's your reasoning?" Virgil huffed with some hurt in his voice.

"Well, in the moment, yeah. It was a good lie! But it doesn't have to be," Remus purred and ran his fingers up Virgil's chest, loving the feeling of his skin and shivers from such a small touch. 

"Captain—" 

"The only treasure in the world I can't take is within reach. Let me pretend I have it when my life is on the line. It doesn't have to—" 

"It doesn't have to be a lie." 

Remus froze and stared at him. He was blushing and averting his gaze. One man should not have been so adorable and lethally alluring at once. 

"Prove it, pretty boy," Remus challenged with a wry grin. Virgil glared at him and leaned in, his eyes fluttering shut just before—

  Remus groaned and sat up. He was just getting to the good part! Every time he had a good dream he just had to wake up too soon! 

He glanced at his clock and realized he had time to catch a few z's before class. Maybe he'd get lucky and see that elusive hottie again. He was pretty sure the guy was named Virgil, at least when the person was a guy. He was pretty sure that the dream hottie was some flavor of genderqueer, but that's all he knew. 

He would have to thank his brain for thinking that dream up! It was spicy! He could take care of some issues below the belt before class if he wanted. He had time.

But first, a nap and maybe continuing that dream!