#so...as long as i'm finding new ways to engage with that relationship i'm happy to keep writing them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ginnyluvstimmy · 2 months

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strange initiative ( willy wonka x f.reader) +18

Sorry for any grammatical errors, I will check everything asap :)

Enjoy the reading!

( where willy wonka wants to be more intimate with you but doesn't even know where to start )

You and Willy had been engaged for a long time now.

Support him in every way possible so he could open his dream shop and sell the best chocolate ever made, but lately it was exhausting him beyond all limits.

You wanted to make him relax, you knew you had to make him relax, but he...he wasn't the type for physical contact.

Or rather, it is more correct to say that hugs, pinches and caresses were his specialty, even kisses, sometimes, but never more than that.

He was innocent, clueless and awkward when it came to sex, and even if you never broached the topic, which would end up with him dying of embarrassment and you laughing heartily, you knew well that he would not cross that line.

That suited you fine.

You were much more experienced than him, you had already had other relationships and on the one hand you were happy that he wasn't the guy to take you to bed every night, but lately you've been driven by the desire to find out how his big and delicate hands would caress your hips with possession, draw circles on your thighs with excitement or perhaps much more...

You knew his hands were capable of things girls would just dream of, but he used his manual agility to package and churn out chocolate from morning to night.

Well, maybe luck turned on your side that evening, to your surprise.

You were on the bed when the handle moved and the door creaked a little.

Your boyfriend mumbled a hello and smiled, his cheeks a dark shade of red.

He set down his chocolate bag on your table near the entrance and started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

You raised an eyebrow.

"Y/N, are you tired?" Asked he.

"Not really, why? You want the usual cuddles?" You giggled.

He nods as he finally removes the button from his collar. He lets his shirt fall to the floor. He tries to look smooth but he looks awkward as he stands there without a shirt.

His body was still perfectly proportioned, fit, but the contrast with his face was lethal.

"Can we try something new today, babe?"

You didn't understand where he was going.

His brown hat was now hanging on the coat rack, and his dark chocolate curls were swept back, gifting him almost a sensual look, which didn't suit him.

"Ok, sure..." You finally managed.

He gulps down a deep breath then slowly came towards the bed. Willy sat down beside you, taking your hand and pulling you so you could lay beside him.

He put his hand on your waist and brought you close. With his other hand, he started lifting your loose pajama t-shirt to take it off.

"Willy...what are you-"

He gave you a shy smile. You noticed that he’s nervous, he’s shaking. He can barely keep his eyes open and he can’t speak. He managed to get your t-shirt off and stopped for a second, taking a deep breath, obviously staring at your breasts.

He realized at that moment that he really was innocent. You were going to be his first.

"Baby...that's so sweet" You chuckled, getting on top of him as he threw your t-shirt on the floor.

"Are you panicked?" You slowly caressed his curls, feeling the curly silk flow through your hands.

Your boyfriend let out a small muffled sound and nodded. He kept his eyes shut tight as you caressed his curls and his cheeks went even redder. He was terrified and embarrassed but he has this sense of relief that he gets to experience this with you, someone who actually cared for him and loved all his insecurities.

"We're not forced to do it" You whispered.

Silence.

"But...every guy does it and...I have kept you waiting for so long"

Your eyes almost got teary at his words...

He kept a grip on you as he nuzzled his face into your neck. He buries his face into the crook of your neck because he couldn't bear to look at you in the eyes.

"I-I'm nervous," he stuttered, his lips brushing against your skin. "W-what if i mess it up?" his breath hitched, he was trying to stay calm.

"No baby, you won't mess this up"

You could hear him taking a big breath, slowing down his breath.

"Ok, I'm ready"

A shaky smile animating the lips you adored.

"Good boy" You smirked a little, unzipping his beige-green trousers.

Suddenly Willy dropped his head onto the pillow, his chest rising in time with his frantic heartbeat.

You already felt halfway there.

"It's ok Willy, I'm with you. If you need me to stop, just tell me"

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

"Just tell me...will it hurt?"

"It depends. Usually it does, if it's the first time, but it lasts for a few minutes"

"Thank you..."

You pulled him close to you and tried to keep the anxiety away. You felt it was your duty to make this as comfortable as possible.

Then you kissed him. Slowly. He blushed with embarrassment.

His lips opened softly beneath yours, allowing you to taste him calmly and thoroughly. Suddenly, his hot tongue invaded you and projected your senses into a languid and boiling dimension, which took away your ability to breathe.

His lips felt like silk and tasted chocolate-like, a complete ecstasy that came from the other world...

Willy Wonka kissed like a god. He moved his mouth with an insecurity and carnality that made your blood tremble at its contrast.

He had never kissed you like that.

"I want to hear you" He murmured, pressing his lips to your ear and then biting the lobe.

"I want to touch you"

You almost had a heart attack. His voice vibrated in your bones until it took your breath away.

Raspy and pushing.

It felt like seeing another guy, who wasn't your shy and crazy inventor boyfriend.

You realized that maybe, all this time, he had just been keeping his perverted fantasies aside, looking for the right opportunity.

Your own thought excited you.

His hands on you and all your clothes were gone now.

When he pushed his tongue into your mouth again you exploded.

You put your hands in his hair and complied with him with an almost desperate emphasis. Your body was burning alive.

You had never felt those sensations before, and they were devastating.

His fingers gripped and trailed up in a trail of shivers to your buttocks. He took them in their hands and squeezed them with possession. He turned your head and your heart pounded in your throat.

You didn't even realise it but now he was the one on top, maybe already for a while.

Now you could finally see it. That need.

It was inside his eyes.

And it was screaming your name.

"Y/N...Y/N I really want to go further..."

"Then do it baby, do anything your body wishes"

After an initial moment of amazement, he gave you a cheeky smile that exuded virility and perversion at the time.

He took off his boxers, sat on his heels and places you astride him. The sight of his erection made you tremble and swallow at the same time.

Your faces were aligned and Willy squeezed your pelvis with his hand. With the other he held it and begins to rub it slowly on your slit, teasing it with your juices and making you shiver with pleasure. Feeling it skin on skin made you on fire. The same fire that burns in his dilated pupils.

"It's all yours baby"

You didn't know if he was asking you to continue because, manually, he was incapable; but the instinct that led him to all of that was terrifying.

He was a completely different person in bed.

Maybe because of some of his new last minute creations? Any chocolates that he didn't let you try?

You chuckled.

"Are you still sure?"

You came back from your trance, barely realising he had asked you something.

You just nodded back, smiling.

Now the caring boy seemed to be back but no, because he had already slammed you against the mattress, returning on top of you.

With a sharp thrust that moves you a few centimeters, he penetrated you, drawing a cry of pain and pleasure at the same time.

It was unexpected, powerful and invasive. Yet, feeling him inside of you was the most beautiful feeling you've ever felt in your entire life. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your own lips together, while he stopped and gave you a moment to get used to his size. When the initial burning had faded, you lift your hips and urged him to continue. He grabbed your thighs and pushed them further apart. He came out slowly and entered you again with more force, making you scream.

"Is this the right way? Did I do something wrong-"

He was panicked when you shouted.

"N-n...no...baby, j-just keep going love-"

Pervaded by a wild complacency, he continued to move relentlessly in and out. Harder.

Faster. Making you moan with each thrust.

You indulged him, unable to control yourself. You passed your hands over his chest, moving down onto his contracted abs covered in beads of sweat.

You worshipped him, as if you had a God in your hands, while he slammed you onto the mattress with incredible but gentle force.

He grabbed your hips and with a single move made you turn your back, a small cry of amazement escaped you.

You were kinda proud of him, he didn't even need instructions for the use of your body.

"Is it ok baby...? Can I do it?"

You just nodded.

There was a very tender contrast between the kindness and innocence of his requests for permission and the wild aggression of his gestures that stunned you.

You found yourself with your cheek against the pillow and your pelvis raised to the height of his sensitive spot. With one hand he grabbed your buttock, he placed the other on the back of your neck to keep you still. You felt dizzy and hot.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail and rolled it into his tight fist. With a jerk, he forces you to tilt your head, taking your breath away, as he moves against your opening.

He gave you an overwhelming thrust that made you arch your back.

You twitched your toes.

You rolled your eyes upwards, overwhelmed by a mixture of extraordinary sensations.

You followed his movements and he, pleased on an unimaginable level, tightened his grip on your hips. He bit your shoulders, your neck, every piece of skin possible.

Willy reaches down between your legs with one hand and stimulated your clitoris, intensifying the pangs of pleasure.

My God. You could die...

You didn't know what that guy was capable of...

And no, he wasn't Willy Wonka anymore, but whoever else he was, you loved him.

"W-...Willy...I really need to come..."

"Uh? What does that mean babe?"

You arched your back and tried to find the words.

You still loved his innocence.

"You know...to let go and..."

"Oh, got it my love"

He turns you around, crushing beneath you. With your eyes closed, you wrap your legs around his hips and push your heels against his buttocks. Your smells mix, your bodies merge. This position made everything so intimate...

"Can I still go in one last time?"

Something about the way he asked sounded almost childish and needy.

You nodded, caressing his cheek.

The chocolate maker contracted his muscles and penetrated you with more force. You screamed and lift your hips to meet his thrusts.

You held his waist with shaking knees. You were exhausted, exposed...too much...

You held onto his shoulders until you exploded, for the first time with his name on your mouth, just like in your wet dreams he didn't know about...

Soon his body tensed, his biceps muscles flex, as he is shaken from the orgasm.

Willy looked at the dirty bed sheets like something foreign, different.

"Babe...what is it? Did I hurt you? Did-"

His eyes focused on the white substance.

"No love, it means we both enjoyed it"

His curls between your fingers.

"Mmmh...I see" He exclaimed breathlessly, collapsing on top of you with his face in the crook of your neck. You felt like the earth was shaking, or maybe it's just you doing it.

Or Willy.

You didn't know.

You held onto him tightly, holding him in the warmest, most comfortable hug you've always wanted to give him in bed, after your session.

You would like to thank him... but you didn't have the strength to say it, because you both fall into a deep sleep.

You would have thanked him the next day, perhaps with a second round, and he would have thanked you with his best chocolate ever baked.

You loved Willy more than anything...

Your mysterious, shy and perverted William Wonka.

#timothée chalamet #timmy chalamet #timothee chalamet #willy wonka #willy wonka x you #willy wonka x reader #chocolate

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arlana-likes-to-write · 5 days

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Dirty Thoughts

Summary: It was so wrong to have these thoughts. She was engaged to your boss, your best friend but it was impossible to not fall in love with her.

Relationships: Natasha x Maria, Maria x reader

Warnings: non Avenger AU, Gang AU, cheating, lots of cheating, mention of violence, implied torture, implied sexual content, gun shot wound, blood, angst

Word Count: 3.3k

Note: I do not want to talk about how this one shot made me spiral into possibility writing a multiple part story. If you are interested let me know lol. Also, thank you to @sycamorelibrary754 for helping me with the engagement ring

God, you were so fucked. Absolutely 100% fucked. You stood at the party, hand wrapped around the beer you were drinking. At a party, your job was to be alert and look for possible threats. Tonight was different. Tonight was a party for celebration as the head of the Black Widow gang was engaged to her long-time girlfriend, Maria Hill. You were in charge of Natasha's security, so the redhead placed you in charge of Maria's protection. You grew close to her, learning her every secret, dislike, and like. You knew her coffee order, what ice cream to get when she was on her period, and her favorite movie to put on to make her smile. You loved your job. Natasha took a chance on you and saved your life, which makes your current predicament so much worse.

No one knew you were head over heels in love with Maria Hill. No one could ever know. "I'm pretty sure Nat gave everyone the night off." You were so lost in your thoughts that you were surprised by Maria standing before you. "I think I saw Pietro doing a keg stand." You chuckled and sipped your beer.

"I'm always on the clock, sweetheart. Got to keep the crown jewel of the Black Widows safe." Maria rolled her eyes, but you didn't miss the slight blush on her cheeks. "Congratulations, by the way. That's an impressive rock." The ring was gold with a square-cut diamond. Along the band and the main diamond were smaller jewels. It looked expensive, but that was Natasha. She liked expensive things, from clothes to cars to liquor. Before Maria, the redhead was always at the clubs throwing money at women left and right. She looked at her hand.

"A little too flashy for my taste," you knew that too. She wanted something modest. "But Nat likes to claim what's hers." You hated how your stomach burned with jealousy.

"Oh, I know that. Besides, Romanoff has enough money lying around. She should spend it on something," you smiled. "Hey, maybe you can convince her to take us on vacation. I heard the Maldives are beautiful this time of year." A quick smack to the back of your head caused you to jump. Maria laughed as Natasha rounded from behind and wrapped her arms around Maria's waist.

"Are you saying I don't treat you well?" She smirked.

"You treat us like shit, boss," you deadpanned. "I hate it here." You winked at Maria. Her smile caused your heart to skip a beat. Natasha scuffed, placing her chin on Maria's shoulder.

"You know I saved your life. I could have left you on the streets of New York, but out of the kindness of my heart, I gave you a job." You rolled your eyes.

"And here I thought you liked me for my charming personality and good looks," you smirked. She narrowed her eyes at you, pointing at you over Maria.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Sentinel,"

"Darling," Maria placed her on Natasha's chest. "You know she could kick your ass." You had to hide your smirk behind your drink.

"Unbelievable," Natasha mumbled.

"Go go have a good night, you lovebirds," you said. "You know where to find me if you need me." You held out your hand for Natasha. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you." And you were. No matter how much it hurt for Natasha to be marrying Maria, you would always be happy for her. At least Maria would still be in your life. Instead of shaking your hand, your boss pulled you into a hug.

"Enjoy yourself tonight. I heard a certain captain wanted your attention," you chuckled, but you looked at Maria, who was frowning. Thinking she was angry at you for hugging Natasha, you patted her back and ended the hug.

"Use protection," you told them as Natasha grabbed Maria's hand and returned to the party. Natasha still managed to flip you off. All members of the Black Widow crew were given code names. Carol was Captain Marvel. Peggy was Agent 13. Monica was Photon. You were Sentinel, the vigilant guardian who watched over the gang's safety. It was Maria who gave it to you.

It was late one night, and you were new to protecting Maria. Before she started Natasha, Maria was studying to get into the academy. She spent a lot of her time at the library, so in turn, you spent a lot of time there as well. When you were walking back to the car, two street thugs tried and failed to jump her. You were quick to take them down before they could even touch her. Sentinel was a name everyone called you, and it became a name that was feared on the streets.

The same night you saved her, you realized that your thoughts and feelings towards Maria were not platonic. Everything Maria and Natasha had you wanted. Now the ring on her finger solidified she could never be yours.

"Can you pick Maria up from her father's?" Natasha asked you. "I have a meeting with the Maximoff Twins, and I can't get out of it." You frowned. A part of your job was to know the schedules of Natasha and Maria. There was no meeting with the Maximoffs today; you knew that. Instead, Natasha and Maria had a date planned. Nothing was set in stone in this business. The redhead rolled her sleeves and picked up a knife from the table.

"Yeah, I can do that," you put on a pair of latex gloves. "Do you want me to take her back to the house?" She handed you a knife.

"It's up to her. Take the card and get whatever she wants." She rolled her shoulders and faced the man tied to the chair in the center of the room. "Ready, Sentinel?"

"Always boss."

Once you were changed and out of the blood-stained shirt, you made your way to Maria. You relieved the lower-level member and walked up the house's front steps. Before you knocked, the door swung open. "Fury," you smiled at the man. "How's my favorite beat cop?" He frowned.

"You smell of bleach." He deadpanned.

"Just a new perfume I'm trying out," you squeezed past him, and you heard the door close. Nick Fury, the commissioner of the NYPD, was surprised when Natasha started dating his daughter, but she did everything for a reason. At first, it was a tactical relationship, a way to bend the relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. Over time, Natasha fell in love with Maria.

You found Maria in the kitchen, her back to you as she washed the dishes. "Who would have thought an engagement would turn you into a housewife?" She jumped and dropped the plate into the water. A frown was on her face when she turned around to face you. "Awe, are you not excited to see your favorite bodyguard?"

"No, I am," she sighed and focused on her task.

"I know," Natasha was canceling more and more dates and getting stuck at the office. It was the summer, so there were more things to do. The days were longer, and arrival gangs were out to steal the Black Widow's turf. "But," you leaned against the counter with Natasha's credit card between your fingers. "The boss gave me her card. We could do anything on her dime." Maria stayed quiet. "Or we can return to the house, order takeout, and watch the Breakfast Club." A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Come on, Ria," you whined. "You know I hate seeing you sad." It was true. It tugged at your heartstrings, and you would do anything to make her smile.

"Help me with the dishes, and then we'll go to the bookstore and get Tai food." You smiled.

"Aye, aye, captain," you gave her a salute, and her laughter danced off the kitchen's walls. Her laughter was music to your ears. It was beautiful, so full of light. You would do anything to hear it again and again.

In hindsight, you should have knocked, but you were so focused on the phone call that you walked into Natasha's office. It was late, and Monica's frantic phone call woke you up, and you raced to see Natasha. Red room guys were seen gathering weapons at the dock. They were planning an attack. "I just got here," you told Monica. "Don't engage without us," you opened the office door. "I- Jesus Christ," if it weren't for the phone call, you would have said a lot more. "Nothing, I'll call you back." You hung up.

Maybe you should have knocked. Perhaps you would have heard the moans behind the closed door if you weren't on the phone. The moans were not coming from Maria but from Wanda Maximoff. She was topless, lying on top of Natasha's desk with the redhead between her legs. Your jaw clenched as Natasha rushed to pull away from her and throw her a sweatshirt.

"It's not-"

"Save it," you snapped. Oh, you were seething. All you saw was red. She was engaged. Maria was planning a wedding. You wanted to push her up against the wall and tell her off. "We have an actual problem, but please, if you think this little affair is more important, please continue." Natasha ran her fingers through her hair. You ignored Wanda as she stood up from the desk.

"What is it? Is it Maria?" She had to be fucking with you. Even across the room, you could see the hickys covering Natasha's neck. You laughed. You were so close to snapping.

"Oh, so you remember her name? Your fiance," you shook your head. No, she's safe. The Red Room was spotted on the docks gathering weapons. Monica said she tried to call you but couldn't reach you." Now you looked at Wanda. "I guess you had your hands full." You were furious not only with your friend but also with yourself. How did you not notice this? All of the signs were there. Are you coming or not?"

"Sentinel-"

"I don't want to hear it, Romanoff. People's lives are at stake. People you promised to protect. Are you coming?" Natasha nodded, but you refused to look away. She kissed Wanda goodbye and told her that she would call her later. Unbelievable, you thought. Oh, you were going to kill your best friend.

The rest of the crew knew there was a problem between you and Natasha. You were still a professional and did your job, but that was it. Gone was the friendly banter, the inside jokes. All of it changed overnight.

Loyalty was important to you. It was important for the crew to maintain respect, but Natasha broke that with you. Before joining the Black Widows, you were fucked over by the last crew you worked with. They ignored your warnings about an upcoming job. They promised that whatever would happen, they would have your back. But the job fell through, and they left you. Natasha found you before the cops showed up. You were forever grateful for the redhead and knew you would stay loyal to her because of what she did for you.

Now she was using that loyalty over your head to keep her secret, to help cover for her. She kept saying that you were loyal to her, not Maria. She saved your life, not Maria. She was your boss, not Maria. It was killing you.

Every date Natasha missed. Every time she stayed late at the office, you saw Maria lose herself more each time. Adding to the pressure of the Red Room, you were at your wits end. So you quit. You told Natasha you were done.

You were in your room packing up your stuff while nursing a gunshot wound to your stomach. A simple meeting turned into a shoot-out as Red Room goons surprised you. Lately, it seemed Natasha kept making bad calls after bad calls. Last week, Carol got hurt. Two days ago, Peggy got jumped. Now, you were on the receiving end of it. These girls were your family, but you weren't sure what to do. The Red Room was gaining momentum. You heard whispers of HYDRA gaining territory. An all-out war was growing.

"I can't believe you are leaving," Maria's voice followed the sound of your front door slamming shut. "And I had to find out through Natasha." She was here quicker than you thought. You wanted to be done packing, but the wound slowed you down.

"Carol will do just fine," you refused to look at her. "She knows all your likes, dislikes, and what you are allergic to.

"I don't want Carol. I want you," you closed your eyes. You knew it was as a bodyguard and nothing more, but a part of you wished it was more. "Why are you leaving me?"

"I'm not leaving you. I-" Would you say to her? That her fiance was cheating on her with someone Maria considered a friend. That a gang war was coming and so many people were going to die in the crossfire.

"I know about Natasha and Wanda," you spun around to face her finally. She was wearing your sweatshirt that you thought you had lost and a pair of jeans. Her hair was damp. She must have rushed over here as soon as her shower was over, but you thought she never looked more beautiful. "You've been shot," she said.

"You knew?" You questioned.

"Don't change the subject," you rolled your eyes because she changed the conversation. She grabbed the first aid kit you had left out and forced you to sit in your recliner. "Of course, I know. I'm not an idiot." You hissed as she pulled the gauze off. "I think it hurts more that you knew and didn't tell me. I thought we were close." She cleaned around the wound. "No exit wound. I have to get the bullet out." You nodded.

"If you knew," you squeezed the chair's armrests as she dug for the bullet. She cooed softly.

"I know, baby," she whispered. "This is the worst part." It had to be the pain. Maybe you were delirious, but you swear you heard her call you baby. You called her pet names because you liked to see her blush.

"If you knew," you continued. She placed the bullet on the side table. "Why stay? Why not call off the engagement?"

"Because I wanted to stay close to the gang," she threaded the suture through the needle. "I wanted to stay close to you." You let her confession rest in the silence as she focused on stitching the gunshot. You felt no pain when the needle pierced your skin. When she was done, she placed a new bandage on it. You grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at you.

"Tell me what you meant by that."

"Nothing," she said. Don't worry about it." Maria tried to pull away from you, but you held her in place—not enough to hurt her, but enough to keep her from running away.

"Tell me, please." You moved your hand to hers and pulled her to her feet. She protested when you told her to sit on your lap, but you held her in place. "Tell me you have the same thoughts I do," you ran your hands up and down her sides and enjoyed the shiver that you felt. "Because I get dirty thoughts about you. They get worse when I'm without you. Are you thinking of them as well?" Instead of answering, she trailed her finger over your lips and down your chest. You weren't sure where this newfound confidence came from. You were leaving, and she was Natasha's; the ring on her finger still confirmed that. "I shouldn't think the things I'm thinking," you admitted. Finally, she locked eyes with yours.

"How long?" She asked. It was a simple question, but still, you hesitated.

"Far too long," she chuckled, shaking her head.

"The more that I push them away. The more that you're stuck in my brain." It was all you needed to hear. You twisted your hand in her brunette hair and kissed her. The kiss was messy and frantic, and Maria's soft sigh only spurred you on more. She matched the intensity of the kiss, but the quiet voice in the back of your head told you this was wrong. She was engaged. Even though her fiance was cheating, her loyalty was to her. You ended the kiss. "Why did you stop?" Maria asked. Her chest was heaving, and a slight blush dusted across her cheeks.

"I don't want to stop," you whispered. Your eyes flickered to the ring on her finger. "You aren't mine." She looked at her ring. Immediately, she took it off and placed it on the table next to the bullet.

"I'm not hers," she said. "Our relationship was always to forge a better relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. I've known that from the beginning. If Natasha wants Wanda, then I want you. I always have." There were 101 questions that danced around in your head but died on your tongue due to how she looked at you. Her pupils were blown out, and the color of her eyes was gone. She wanted you. All of your hesitations vanished.

Ignoring the pain from your injury, you picked her up and carried her to your bed. You gently placed her down and quickly covered her body with yours. "Tell me," you whispered, kissing her neck. Her hands grabbed onto your shoulders. "Tell me your mine." You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue.

"I'm yours," she moaned. Her hand went to the back of your head and forced your lips together. "Tell me your mine."

"I'm yours," you said. "Always have been and always will be."

"Take me with you," she lay in your bed, wrapped in your blankets as you were in the bathroom. You wondered when this conversation was going to happen. With a sigh, you joined her back in bed and dragged the sheet over you. You laid on your side to face her.

"I don't even know where I'm going."

"I don't care," she said, taking your hand. "I'm safer with you than with anyone else."

"What about Fury?" You questioned. "You wouldn't leave him, and I wouldn't let you." Her silence was enough of an answer for you. You kissed her hand.

"You are going to leave before an all-out turf war breaks out." God, she was more perceptive than you gave her credit for.

"I can't stop it from happening."

"No, you can't," she smiled. "But you can end it quicker and save lives. People listen to you," you played with her now bare ring finger. You dreamed of putting a ring on it one day. "I always believed Natasha wasted your potential. You are a leader, not a guard dog." All of your life, you've been a follower. You followed your father when he left your mom. You followed your old crew into a death trap. You blindly followed every order Natasha gave you.

"Help me then," you told her. She seemed surprised by your request. "You are more than a pretty little to hold on my arm." Maria was barely allowed in meetings when she was; she was ordered to stay quiet and sit by Natasha's side.

"Do you not think I'm pretty?" She teased. Your eyes widened. Laughing, Maria pushed you onto your back and rested her chin on your chest. "I'm teasing. Of course, I'll help. I think we make a good team." If she believed in you, then that's all you needed.

"Let's plan to save the city tomorrow," you rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand. "I'm tired." She smiled and kissed your lips softly. "Are you staying?"

"I am," she got comfortable with your arms around her. "Sleep, baby. The city can wait one more day."

#maria hill x reader #maria hill x you #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #maria hill x natasha romanoff #blackhill #natasha romanoff x wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff #wandanat

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nana-mania · 1 year

Note

pls can you do a part 2 for the red flags of bllk characters!! it was so good!

࿐*ೃ sure!! i actually plan to do for more characters in part 3 so characters suggestion is highly encouraged! (4 CHARACTERS MAXIMUM)

“HIS RED FLAGS” - PART 2 - what does he do that make him an obvious red flag?

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ headcanon

࿐*ೃ feat : reo mikage, seishiro nagi, oliver aiku, rin itoshi

࿐*ೃ fandom : blue lock

࿐*ೃ extra : gn! reader, angst.

࿐*ೃ trigger warning : cheating, manipulation, profanities, toxic relationship.

REO MIKAGE

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Reo would be the best, most perfect partner ever if only he believes that not everything can be resolved through his wealth. He loves you, he does but you're never his priority. All he cares about is his football career. He barely has time for you, often spending time with Seishiro to practice soccer together until dusk nearly everyday. When you tell him about your worries, you expect him to take action and finally considers to mend the relationship again. But he never. He just gives you tons of money and tells you to have fun by yourself to cheer you up. When you insist him to spend quality time with you, he harshly rejects you by saying he is busy. Indeed, he is busy. He is busy being Seishiro's servant and prioritizing his happiness more than yours.

“Sorry, Y/n. Not today. I have practice.”

“I told you, I don't have the leisure time to play around. I need to practice soccer!”

“Just take this money and enjoy yourself. Leave me alone and never speak about this matter ever again.”

SEISHIRO NAGI

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Seishiro...is lazy, in general and in all ways. Relationship is a hassle for him to handle due to his lazy nature. He never make an effort to spice up nor mending his relationship with you. If it happens, it happens. That's his motto, one that he never fail to hold onto. Seishiro basically doesn't even care about you let alone your feelings for him in the slightest bit. He is solely using your vulnerability to his advantage. In all honesty, he only engages in relationship with you because he thinks you would be useful to assist him with his daily needs. You're a gullible person who simply follows all his orders like a servant, only thinking you only do this out of love and casting aside the fact you're being manipulated by your own boyfriend. He asks for breakfast? You make one for him. He tells you to wash all his clothes while he play games? You gladly do so. This goes on for a while until you realize how wrong this is and confronts Seishiro about it. The result, he never give a flying fuck. Instead, Seishiro manipulates you into thinking this is your own fault and makes you feel much worse.

“So...what's your point actually? You're blaming me over your own stupidity?”

“You're really dumb, Y/n. So dumb that it took you this long to notice.”

“Apologize? I never do anything wrong. It isn't like I hit you or anything.”

OLIVER AIKU

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ We all know what this man is capable of; cheating. From the start of the relationship, he has dropped countless obvious hints. During date, you will always find his eyes lingering on other people as he “admires” them with a lustful smirk on his face. When you confront him, Oliver just brushes it off and says you're overreacting. It doesn't matter how many times you scold him, he will repeat his doing. And as time passes, he straightout flirts with anyone that catches his interest right in front of you. Daring to even exchange number while his lips curves into a seductive smirk. He barely has time for you and frequently leaving the house to have fun with his “friends”, which turns out to be his secret lover, one that he has been cheating on you with for a long time.

“Jeez, you're overreacting too much. I'm just being nice to them.”

“What's wrong with getting their number? You know me, I like making new friends!”

“Come on...can you just be open-minded and let me do anything I want? I can date anyone I want besides you. You have no control over my life.”

RIN ITOSHI

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ You and Rin were like dream lovers, perfect for each other and completed each other's heart. That's it, until the dispute between Rin and his older brother happened that drastically changed him...and his relationship with you. Rin is not as sweet and as caring he used to be, solely focusing on his goal to surpass and beat his older brother in their unhealthy rivalry. He has become more distant and acts colder toward you. There is no spark of joy in the relationship anymore, with Rin drifting apart from you and you hurting from his cold-hearted treatment. You try to be there for him, supporting him in his journey to be the best striker to prove to his older brother but your efforts are often overlooked and left unappreciated by Rin. In fact, he sees you as a nuisance rather than his biggest supporter.

“I don't have time for you. Screw off, (Y/n).”

“You interrupted my practice to tell me to fucking rest? Are you telling me to laze around?”

“From now on, stop visiting me during practice. You are a fucking nuisance.”

࿐*ೃ thanks for reading this headcanon! likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated ♡

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h-sleepingirl · 2 months

Text

Milton Erickson and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar... (Essay)

Finally, I've finished this essay about connections I'm finding between hypnosis, Judaism, magic, and intimacy. It's ~4.5k words, extremely "me," and I'm really thrilled to share it. Enjoy!

My weakness is getting deeply invested in very niche topics.

Hypnosis was my first and most lifelong obsession. It was my confusing, shameful sexual fetish that I eventually took by the horns and -- through my desire to learn as much about it as humanly possible -- turned into a job. But not a normal sex work job where I do hypnosis for money -- a weird job where I just teach about it. The kink community, and the further-specific niche where people want to hypnotize each other during intimate experiences, became my home.

But the value of study doesn't really come from the quantity of people I'm able to engage with. It comes from the way it enriches my life. It creates and benefits from the capability to see overlaps between all of my various interests.

On the surface, it may appear that two skills have no relationship. But the deeper you get into each one, a synthesis appears.

At a certain point when you are learning hypnosis, all seemingly-unrelated information seems to fit effortlessly into your hypnotic knowledge. You can listen to a song and suddenly you learn something new about how to hypnotize someone. Maybe it was a lyric that gave you an evocative emotional response; maybe it was a pattern in the music that you thought about replicating with the rhythm of your hypnotic language.

Over a decade into my own hypnosis learning, I got very lucky and found a second passionate home in communities of Jewish text study about a year ago. I started from almost zero there and found myself again to be a greedy novice, obsessed with digging into it.

Of course, as I got further, it became that I read a page of Talmud (a text of rabbinical law and conversation) and suddenly I learned something new about how to hypnotize someone. And as I progress, it is starting to go the other way: I learn about Torah study by reading about hypnosis and intimacy.

There are two directions this essay can be read. “How can intimacy and hypnosis teach us about Jewish text?” And, “How can Jewish text teach us about intimacy and hypnosis?” One half is of each part written by me as an authority, and the other half is by me as an avid novice. The synthesis of these two parts of me -- just like any synthesis between concepts -- may perhaps create something new.

Models

I’m sure most communities have a version of the idiom, “Ask three people a question and get five answers.” For a long time, this was a source of frustration for me in the hypnosis community. Is hypnosis a state of relaxation and suggestibility? Kind of, but also no. Is it more accurate to say it is based on unconscious behaviors and thoughts? Well -- kind of, but also no.

So what is it? Well, it’s probably somewhere in the overlap of about 20-30 semi-accurate definitions and frameworks for techniques -- what we’d call “models.” Good luck!

Why is hypnosis so impossible to define and teach? How have we not found a model that we can all agree upon yet? I think many people share this confusion, and it's complicated by the fact that most sources for hypnosis education teach their model as the model. It makes sense -- it would be difficult to teach a complete beginner a handful of complex frameworks with which to understand hypnosis when that person is just trying to muddle through learning “how to hypnotize someone” on a practical, basic level.

…Or would it be? By the time I got involved with Jewish study, I had long given up on chasing the white whale of some unified theory of hypnosis. I was firmly happy with the concept that all ways to describe hypnosis are simply models -- and all models are flawed, while some models are useful. I was delighted, when entering Jewish community spaces, to hear the idiom, “Three Jews, five opinions.”

This concept is baked into Jewish text study, in my experience. You can look at any single line in Torah and find innumerable pieces of commentary on it, ancient and modern, with conflicting interpretations. Torah and other texts are studied over and over -- often on a schedule -- with the idea that there is always something new to learn. And this happens partially by the synthesis of multiple people's perspectives adding to and challenging each other, developing new models. My Torah study group teacher always starts us with a famous line from Pirkei Avot, a text of ethical teachings from early rabbis: “If two sit together and share words of Torah, the Shekhinah [feminine presence of God] abides among them.”

The capacity to develop and hold multiple interpretations at once enriches your relationship with the text. So too do I believe that being able to hold multiple interpretations of what hypnosis is and how it works enhances your skill with it. It is not a failure of the system -- it is the best thing about it.

Intimacy

It is intentional to make the distinction of “relationship with the text” -- not “relationship to the text.”

My job on the surface is to teach hypnosis, but the meta goal is to simply teach something that helps people develop profound intimacy with others. I think that hypnosis is a kind of beautiful magic that is well-suited to this, but it’s not the only path to take.

One of my favorite educators, Georg Barkas, describes themselves as an intimacy educator who teaches rope bondage. Their classes and writings are highly philosophical and align closely with my own ideas about intimacy -- as well as my partner’s, MrDream, from whom I’ve learned so much. I frequently cite Barkas when I talk about hypnosis because I feel the underlying ideas they have about rope bondage are extremely applicable to all kink and intimacy -- and I will continue that trend here.

Barkas recently published an excellent essay looking in detail at the concept of intimacy itself. They posit that our first thought of intimacy is usually about a kind of comfort-seeking and familiarity. That’s contained within the etymology of the word, and socially it’s what many of us think of when we define our relationships as “intimate”: settling in to engage with a partner who we love, know, and understand.

But, Barkas asks, what if we place this word into a different context? They talk of how in scientific endeavors, the goal of “becoming familiar with” is unpredictability and discovering things that are surprising and unexpected. This perhaps offers a different view of intimacy: intimacy where you do not engage with your partner as though you know everything about them; intimacy where being surprised by them and learning something new is the goal.

My partner MrDream teaches about this often in hypnosis education: approaching a partner with genuine curiosity and interest -- “curiosity” implying that you don’t know what to expect, with a positive connotation. There is a kind of delicate balance between being able to anticipate some aspects of what is going to happen hypnotically -- to have a general grasp on psychology and hypnosis theory -- versus holding tight to a philosophy that neither you nor the hypnotic subject really knows how they are going to respond. The unexpected is not to be feared, but celebrated and held as core to our practice. Hypnotic “subjects” (those being hypnotized) who can relax their expectations will often have more intense experiences.

Thus we come to the first time in this essay where I mention Milton Erickson, my favorite forefather of modern hypnosis. Erickson was a hypnotherapist active through the 1900s and is famous (among many things) for presenting a model of hypnosis that wasn’t necessarily an authoritative action done to a person, but a collaborative and guiding action done with a person.

In his book “Hypnotic Realities,” he talks about how his view of clinical hypnosis is defined by how the therapist is able to observe each individual client and directly use those observations to continually develop a unique hypnotic approach with them. The client’s history, interests, and modes of thinking are utilized for the trance, as well as any observable responses they have in the moment. For example, a client with chronic pain may have the frustration they express over that pain incorporated into the trance. This is in deep contrast to hypnosis where the therapist comes in with any kind of “script” or formula to recite ahead of time.

It’s important to Erickson’s model that the therapist doesn’t know exactly what to anticipate, and it’s also important hypnotically that the same is true for the client. A common “Ericksonian” suggestion is, “You don’t have to know what is going to happen, and I don’t know either.” In order to develop the most effective approach with each patient, Erickson would enter into a session with some presumed knowledge, but ultimately learning -- not assuming -- how to best hypnotize each individual person.

We circle back to the phrase, “a relationship with Jewish text.” In my opinion, engaging with Torah is exactly this kind of intimacy. Torah is something we come into in order to poke and prod at it, to interact with it and to see how it interacts back at us. The teacher of my study group always cites a model where Torah itself is a participant in our partnered learning and group discussions. We ask it questions, we push its boundaries, we strive to glean something new and yet unseen. A line that may seem simple on the surface can reveal much more when we explore its context or put it into a different context entirely.

This is easier for me to say as someone who is coming into learning Torah for the first time, but I am able to look ahead to when I will be fully familiar with the text and still be able to take this expanded definition of intimacy with it. Not coming to it without a sense of comfort, but still engaging with curiosity. MrDream teaches a model for hypnosis that is based on the idea of exploration -- exploring your partner no matter how long you have been with them. You are always coming to them as a different person, shaped by your ever-growing experiences and identity, and your partner changes as a human as well. I believe Torah is also dynamic in this way, as the context within which it exists -- and the way we interpret it -- is constantly shifting.

Ritual

I have been engaging with spiritual ritual on and off for as long as I’ve been learning hypnosis. The concept of magic has always been alluring to me -- not from a motivation to meet specific goals, but for something more difficult to pin down. I like that ritual, in an esoteric framework, is about looking at various metaphors between ingredients and actions; a candle representing an element of fire which may in turn represent intensity, or purity, or something else. Drawing meaningful connections between concepts like this is a skill I’ve developed in parallel with hypnosis, as well.

I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is also interested in esotericism -- we were sharing our frustrations with various books on magic and ritual. We wondered why so many sources would go on to teach prescriptivist formulas and associations, and not much else. Do this, and that will happen. This symbol represents that. My friend and I agreed that the ritual value of ingredients comes from how you personally assign meaning to them -- but why was everything always trying to teach us their meaning, as opposed to teaching us how to cultivate our own associations?

A week or so later, I happened to go to an excellent class that explored whether or not there was a place for smudging and smoke use in modern Jewish ritual. The teacher first took a careful, measured approach towards looking at indigenous smudging practices and the concept of appropriation. What followed was 30 minutes of history and text exploring examples of smoke in early Judaism, and then 30 minutes of a handful of interpretations of what “smoke” could mean and represent with relation to Jewish ideas -- directly practical to modern ritual. It was utterly excellent and immediately profound for me, as someone who has been yearning to blend my experience with esoteric ritual with my relationship with Judaism.

Observant readers will note that through this essay I speak passively about Judaism -- I am a patrilineal Jew, which for better or worse means that it is not a simple matter to say, “I am ‘fully’ (or ‘not’) Jewish.” (I am in the beginnings of working with a Conservative rabbi -- who affirms that I’m Jewish -- to make my status halachic [lawful], which is deeply exciting.) Opinions on that aside, a relevant piece of information is that the Jewish holiday we celebrated most consistently when I was growing up was Chanukah. While a lot of Jewish practice has been something I’ve been striving towards as an adult, Chanukah has always been “mine.” It was fast approaching after this class, and I felt motivated to use my newfound knowledge to make more ritual out of lighting the candles.

I was deeply surprised when all I did was light a stick of incense before saying the blessings over lighting the menorah, and my experience transformed into something intense. I smelled the incense and couldn’t help but think about what I’d learned about the Rambam’s commentary that incense in the time of the Temple was about making the Temple smell sweet to pray in after the burning of sacrifices. I thought about what I’d learned about the presence of God being smoke and clouds to the ancient Israelites. I thought about things I’d learned from other places -- hiddur mitzvah (the value of beautifying a practice), and a midrash (parable) about God loving the light and rituals we do in a very personal way simply because they are from us.

Esoteric ritual has often felt to me like exerting effort in making the associations of ingredients work for me. But this was effortless. I was doing something that was entirely my own, solidly founded by the broad and deep study I’d done, by my personal relationship with the concepts, by my identity.

In other words, the power behind this ritual came from knowledge, and the knowledge came from my intimacy with it. And that intimacy was not just with the study I had done -- it was also the process of being surprised in real time by what I was learning through the ritual itself.

Hypnosis gains “power,” in so much as we let ourselves use the term, through these same acts of intimacy towards knowledge. It operates directly based on various ingredients: how much we know about hypnosis theory itself, general psychology, the person we are working with, and ourselves. Hypnosis is a ritual -- it is setting aside special time to do something with a collection of ingredients that you have personal associated meanings with. If you can’t connect to those deeply enough, it won’t reach its full potency.

Knowledge, Perception, and Unconsciousness

One of my favorite concepts to teach in hypnosis is, “A change in perception equates to a change in reality.” This is derived from Erickson by MrDream, and it’s something he and I have had a lot of conversations about to refine. The implication of this is not something as trite as hypnosis having the power to change a person’s perceived reality. It is the concept that if you look at something from a different perspective, you gain various different capabilities.

For example, when you are feeling stuck in a situation and you think about what a close friend of yours would do if they were in your shoes, you gain the capability to see more options, to change your actual view of the reality of the problem and therefore change your actions towards it. In hypnosis, this could be the difference between simply telling someone to relax their legs versus another perspective of telling them to imagine what it would be like if their legs just started relaxing. It could be the idea that when a person does feel relaxation from a simple suggestion, their perception changes on what is happening -- they build more belief in hypnosis, and that belief in turn makes the next suggestions easier to buy into.

Erickson’s model of hypnosis is predicated on the idea that hypnosis itself matters, that hypnosis is a time within which someone’s reality changes. In his ideal hypnotic context, the subject feels like they no longer can expect things to behave as they usually do in their “waking” reality. They are thus opened to many different kinds of new experiences and capabilities. To Erickson, perception matters -- by itself, it’s a primary driving force behind literal change and response.

This ties back to our idea of intimacy -- just as I aim to approach my partners with this profound curiosity, just as I aim to approach Torah, I want to have this intimacy of the unexpected with trance itself. I want to allow myself to be surprised by hypnosis, by the things I don’t yet know about it even after more than a decade and thousands of hours of trance. But more than this, in an Ericksonian sense, simply changing my perspective to this motivation is one of the things that lets me get there.

I went through a guided study class about Shabbat (Judaism’s weekly sabbath of rest) with a partner, and so much of the class was in the abstract that it at times felt difficult for me to latch onto. We were learning all of this background context about a view of Shabbat where instead of spiritually striving and reaching on that day, you come in acting as though your spiritual work -- like your other work -- is “finished.”

In one session, we spent a chunk of time parsing through how we could interpret that as actionable. It felt like it just wasn’t clicking for me -- the midrashic texts weren’t offering enough for me to feel like I could make judgments on questions like, “Does this imply I shouldn’t meditate on Shabbat in this context?”

It wasn’t until I slept on it that I found a very simple piece of the puzzle: putting aside the questions of concrete actions, in an Ericksonian sense, the internal act of shifting my perspective would absolutely change the way I behaved and interacted with the day. It would become more indirect and unconscious -- instead of carefully analyzing my actions as I might with other Shabbat prohibitions on work, I could simply let myself act in ways that fit that perspective of “spiritually resting.”

The abstraction of the class made more sense -- perhaps it wasn’t trying to give us direct answers, but rather create a psychological environment for us that was well-suited to this more unconscious processing. Or rather, in addition to the sort of typical conscious halachic interpretation. If I allow myself an opinion here, I’d say that I care about halacha as actionable, but as always, I tend to care more about feelings and what’s internal.

This also lent credence to ways this class and the class on smoke and ritual changed my experiences. I was not given a set of actions to take, but rather a variety of perspectives that unconsciously made me think and behave differently. The concept of “knowledge is power” is both true and alluring in many different contexts, and yet had often fallen through for me in most ritualistic frameworks. The way that it succeeds, I believe, is when you develop a relationship with knowledge that actually changes your internal perspective and perceptions.

Limitation

With this we return to the concept of models and interpretations. It is serendipitous to be going through these experiences at a time where I am avidly working on my next book -- the thesis of which is that in order for us to progress as hypnotists, we must get comfortable moving fluidly between many differing definitions and frameworks (models) of what hypnosis is and how it works.

It is as the Ericksonian principle would say: If you take a perspective on hypnosis that boils down to “hypnosis is about relaxing the conscious mind,” you will do hypnosis according to that perspective. You will use relaxation-based techniques and make an effort to get someone to think “less consciously.” If you instead take a perspective that is “hypnosis operates based on activation of the conscious mind,” you may do hypnosis that causes someone to think and process in a more stimulating way.

Both and neither are true, and they can coexist. I believe that most models can be useful -- some more useful than others. But the best thing you can do is to not assume that one model is the most correct one -- instead, it is to develop the capacity to work within many at once even while being aware of their boundaries.

Jewish text, in my experience, provides models -- perspectives that themselves give guidance on how to understand things and act. I think especially about midrash and stories that are explicitly intended to fill in the gaps or give an alternate view on something. The question of, “Is there one correct way to do/see things” is more complicated here, but there are areas -- especially in those subtle shifts of mindset for ritual or interpreting text -- where the answer is still “no.”

My time so far in Jewish study supports this in a different way. There is a human element of collaboration and challenge. Learning as we do with a chevruta (study partner) adds another person to the relationship -- it is no longer just between you and the text. There is another human who you are building something with, and it is “intimate” according to our exploratory definition in an even clearer way.

The purpose of a “scene” inside of kink (a “session” of kink play) is to operate in a semi-limited framework -- limitations exist on who is involved, where it begins and ends, how partners communicate, and what themes/topics/activities are involved. These limitations -- though they may be quite broad -- are partially what allow for intense experiences. A scene needs to exist in a different “space” than our daily lives, and it needs to operate by different rules and involve different ingredients. Here, we also see overlaps with the definition of a “ritual.”

This doesn’t just facilitate intensity (and safety) -- it facilitates learning something new about your partner. By taking your relationship and putting it into a limited context, it allows you to observe it in a more careful way, where novel changes can be more obvious.

Studying with a chevruta is much like this. I have had study sessions where my chevruta and I are meeting for the first time and the only thing we are aware of sharing is our desire to dive into a piece of text. I’ve also had chevrutas where we know each other outside of study, and some of our time is schmoozing and catching up. But in all cases, we are limited in scope, and that limitation creates ease of access towards the common goal of expanding our knowledge and relationship with the text. We are focused; we are motivated. We are creating something that we can only create through who we are as individuals and what we are doing as avid learners.

This has surprised me at times with its tenderness and intensity. Building well-founded interpretations with someone is in and of itself very intimate -- not sensually, but humanly. It has given me something I have always wanted -- an intimacy that is pervasive not just in application of knowledge, but in the development of it. A feeling of sacredness and joy from being able to see so many different perspectives.

I long for this connection, this alchemy. Yes, all models are limited. But within those tight, restricting limits is the potential energy of creation.

“And I Must Learn”

There is an infamous story in the Talmud, in Berakhot 62a, where Rav Kahana hides under the bed of his friend Rav Abba. Rav Kahana hears Abba and his wife giggling and starting to have sex, and remarks out loud that Rav Abba is acting like someone who is famished. Rav Abba, mid-sex, understandably says, “Kahana, why the fuck are you under my bed listening to me fuck my wife?” Rav Kahana replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”

There was a version of this essay that began with this tale. I am enamored with the vast overlaps I can derive from its briefness: that intimacy can be studied sacredly both as a general concept and specifically with your partner; that we are obligated to learn ourselves, our partners, and general human desire; that there can be a thread of wholeness in every action of your life if you give every action sacred attention.

Even this, though, is a limited-context interpretation. The rabbis of the Talmud were certainly not sex-positive, especially not as we currently use the term. The surrounding triptych of conversations is similarly humorous but seems to comparatively describe sex as dirty or gross, and this bit of text cannot really exist separately from all of the places where there is halacha derived about sex that is about controlling women’s bodies or preventing queer and trans people from being able to live authentically.

But -- we are allowed to interpret like this. We are allowed to play with context and see what we discover.

For me, this is about finding the connections between my actions and my interests; parts of me that synthesize the whole. It is about developing intimacy with Torah, with my learning partners, with my romantic partners; with the people within the writings, with the authors, and with the readers.

Reading Torah is the same as hypnotizing someone is the same being intimate with someone is the same as doing a ritual. All things on a broad enough scale overlap this closely. There is value in this “zooming out” to a wide enough context to see the connections that exist -- just as there is value in celebrating the limitations that arise, models nestled alongside each other, when you “zoom in.”

We need both to be able to treat our learning -- all forms of it -- as something special.

#my writing #hypnosis #judaism #hypnokink

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funnier-as-a-system · 2 months

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Hiii. Not sure if this even counts as a question to be fair, nor is this a funny suggestion, but like.

For my final project in college I'm kind of making a game concept about plurality (as a system host myself) and uhm long story short I guess.

I made two characters-alters, one of which is female and the other is male, and the teacher who curates my project was like (super paraphrased) "I'm getting some romantic connotations here and I think we shouldn't show people that you can literally date yourself, cuz that seems super unhealthy" and he then backed down a bit and was like "well it's not really normal so maybe think about that some more".

And so like. The concept I'm making is based on the complicated relationship between me and my co-host. I am heavily basing the characters on me and that co-host, I am heavily using the issues we had in our relationship, to hopefully be able to show people who are new to plurality that you shouldn't treat your alters the way me and my co-host treated each other before, because THAT is what was unhealthy.

All of which is to say, right now I am married to that co-host and I'm very happy about that, but my teacher's words quite hurt me. Like I literally don't even understand what could be so unhealthy about in-system dating. How rare even is that? Is my perception of in-system dating just that skewed, since nearly all our alters are in a relationship with each other? Most importantly, am I faki-

(Also, by saying that, the teacher inadvertently recommended me to make it a gay ship. Lol? I wish I could make one of the characters an enby like me and avoid the issue entirely, but I can't) (My husband The Co-Host said that the teacher is just rude)

There's nothing inherently unhealthy about intrasystem dating. I've found most people who claim it's "unhealthy" actually mean "I find it weird and I can't distinguish between my personal discomfort and something that's actually bad." – a frustrating argument, but one we're familiar with, and one that should largely be ignored unless you're looking to engage in an educational discussion with someone who holds this view. Others claim it is unhealthy because it "encourages division/dissociation between headmates", but this is largely based on the idea that headmates having any sort of personal identity or self-identification gets in the way of achieving final fusion, which has its own flaws as an argument, including final fusion not being the goal or healthiest option for all systems, as well as ignoring that [harmful] dissociation may increase if a headmate does not have any sort of personal identity to distinguish themselves from the rest of their system with. In short, the arguments against intrasystem dating tend to boil down to "I think this is bad for you because it doesn't fit into what I think people should do", which only shows one's own close-mindedness.

Since plurality is an unfamiliar concept to most people, they don't have the experience necessary to distinguish between genuine red flags and something niche that just takes time to get used to the idea of. Intrasystem dating is niche, but it's no more inherently unhealthy than other kinds of niche dating, like t4t partnerships. The same argument has been used against polyamorous relationships for being similarly uncommon and going against what people expect of relationships (particularly romantic ones), but those are not inherently unhealthy either; it goes to show that people will reuse the same arguments against any kind of relationship they do not approve of, rather than taking a step back and considering for themselves if a particular relationship dynamic is inherently unhealthy. While intrasystem dating can be unhealthy, it is not inherently so just due to the relationship dynamic.

When backing down, your teacher said intrasystem dating is "not really normal", and that truly is the crux of this argument. People do not like that which does not fall neatly into their understandings of "normal", and think anything that isn't normal is automatically bad. This is untrue. I would say to hold strong to your original vision for your project, not just for yourself/ves, but because refusing to fall in line and pretend to be "normal" is how we achieve progress. Even if your teacher doesn't change his mind, your work may introduce the concept to someone else, making it less unfamiliar (more familiar) and more normal to them, leading to more people understanding and accepting not just systems in general, but intrasystem dating specifically.

Speaking of, to answer your question, while intrasystem dating is uncommon, I don't believe it's especially rare – I could name several of our headmates right now who are in a polyamorous partnership with each other, as well as a handful of other couples. We've known many other systems who have had some or all headmates dating each other. It's not the most common topic to talk about in the community, but it is certainly a topic frequent enough to be brought up from time to time.

Your teacher was rude and incorrect. I have sympathy for the hurt you feel because of his pluralphobic words, and I hope you're able to feel better about this incident soon. Remember, staying true to yourself will almost always feel better than hiding who you are for the comfort of others, so if you feel safe enough to go for it, push onward and continue your work with all its authenticity and intrasystem dating included. I wish you luck in your game development and your final project!

#thanks for the ask!#pluralphobia #intrasys sweethearts

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animehideout · 3 months

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hiii!love your writings so much! And MBTI content is just *chef's kiss* :D I was wondering,what do you think Toji's relationship would be with an INTJ? as he wasn't included in that part.I hope this is ok to ask! Thank you :3 (and happy New Year ^^)

TOJI FUSHIGURO X INTJ

a/n : Heyy fellow INTJ @steppenwolfofslytherinhouse I hope you're doing great. Thank you for this request and I apologize for this very late update🥹. I hope really you like this one 🤍✨

Note: I promise I'm working on your requests, sorry for taking too long but life is kinda hectic and I'm struggling to find motivation. I appreciate your patience ♡⁠˖

Attracted to each other:

You initially started off as allies. Toji would be drawn to your sharp personality and you’d find his self-confidence that has no limits very attractive and appealing. Both of you have a shared intellect, highly relying on the power of mind and intuition, that would make things work easier that way, especially if you’re paired together to get work done. When engaging in debates, challenges and insightful conversations, a spark would ignite between both of you, realizing that you’re attracted to each other in a romantic way not just platonic. INTJs and Toji are highly compatible, almost in every aspect. You’re both determined, brave and independent. Despite being lone wolves, when you found each other you started feeling less lonely, finding comfort in each other’s company even though none of you dares to admit it. Funny how both INTJs and Toji are straightforward and honest individuals, but would never admit their feelings. You might view feelings as a weakness at first, afraid that it may restrict you, given that INTJs appreciate independence and freedom, but you grew to realize that you have the same way of thinking and you’re willing to give each other your needed space, so things would definitely work out between you. You show your interest in each other through challenges, constantly competing against each other. Teasing and wittiness are your kind of romance, both of you having a smirk on your lips. You always know what to say though, you never offend or bring each other down. You know when and where to stop. INTJs may be seen as complex individuals, exposed to misunderstanding and judgment, however with Toji you’d feel completely understood, even on deep levels. The more you get closer to each other, the more Toji gets you, effortlessly reading you like an open book even though you’re mysterious and secretive. And vice versa. Both INTJs and Toji are good at reading the atmosphere and analyzing other’s body language or hidden meaning behind simple words. You have a strong connection that rooted from your uniqueness. You and Toji would feel more attracted and draw to each other every time you dive more into each other’s details, your romance blossoms as you explore the intricacies of each other’s minds and hearts. It’s like a journey of discovery, navigating the complexities and mysteriousness that you both carry.

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traumacatholic · 6 months

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Finally kind of feel in a position where I can post this. I realise that my last post and long disappearance was probably of great concern to some people, and I am deeply sorry for any worry or pain that I've caused other people with that long disappearance. There was a lot going on in my life, including moving house. And I think the longer I took a break from Tumblr, the more daunting it came to come back. But the fact of the matter is, I've cried over this blog a lot. Or rather, I've cried over the followers of this blog and the people that have engaged with it. I have been dealing with a great sense of guilt. Guilt that I've let you guys down. Guilt that I've betrayed you in some way.

Something that always pained me, was the reality of my own struggle to access mental health support. It's an unfortunate reality, that no matter how many times we might work to raise awareness, and tackle stigma surrounding mental health (particularly complex mental health issues like OCD or PTSD or Schizophrenia, etc). That this doesn't do much to tackle the core issue that's the main struggle for people: accessible healthcare. Be that to do with any financial costs or lengthy waiting lists or other issues. There was a sense of deep guilt of encouraging people to seek help, whilst also being fully aware that they might be even more disheartened if they reached out for help and were unable to get anything substantial. I would never want to build someone's hopes up in order to then shatter them. I've experienced it all too much with trying to access support on my own.

I also felt really guilty running this blog when I was struggling with Church attendance. It felt like I was lying about my piety, to people that were desperately trying to fight to be able to attend their Church and to be a part of Church life. I'm in a city now, and I've started attending Church regularly. I've been trying to get into the practice of daily prayer, and the daily readings of theological texts alongside Scripture. Some days are better than others, but then I guess that's always going to be the case. Something that was really deeply meaningful to me during RCIA was being told that conversion to the faith wasn't a one and done thing. Each day, we are constantly converting back. We are constantly returning to God and being renewed in our relationship with God, no matter how far we stumble or what kind of problems we stumble into - willing and unwillingly.

And this is where it gets, I guess, the scariest. I've been dealing a lot with anxieties and doubts surrounding my faith. Not in the, "Hey guys sorry I've taken a break and became atheist" kind of way. But I've been feeling a strong pull towards Orthodox Christianity. And the Church I've been attending, has been an Orthodox one. I don't know. It feels weird to type that one out. It felt so weird to call myself Catholic for a long time. And then I became so happy of the title, and I loved the faith. I still do, love Catholicism. But I think this is something I need to explore. I've been feeling the draw to Orthodoxy for a long time, and I always kept pushing it away. But I think the only real way I can really address it, is by actually giving it a fair chance and exploration.

I don't know what I'll do with this blog. I don't intend to delete it - I think there are still people that can find help and comfort from the prayers that I've posted. I do have a new Tumblr, where I post excerpts from Orthodox texts I've been reading. I do still feel really strongly about helping people struggling with mental and physical health issues, trauma survivors etc. I care intensely about that work. And it's why this post pains me so much. I still want to be able to give you guys help, you can always send a message over to my new blog @orthodoxadventure if you're in need of any prayers or advice surrounding mental health/trauma etc (also despite the circumstances, I did go through RCIA, and if anyone has any questions surrounding it, I'll try my best to answer) , and I think I'm going to make it a habit to check the blog here.

I'm deeply sorry to anyone that I've hurt by doing this. I would really appreciate your prayers. None of this is, particularly easy. I feel like I've let down and hurt so many people. But I also knew that the more I tried to resist the interest of Orthodoxy, the more I felt that I was letting myself down and letting my relationship with God down. Maybe in some time, I will return to Catholicism, much more content and happy and more knowledgeable in that choice. Maybe I will go further down the path to the Orthodox Church. But I knew I couldn't just feel like I was sitting on the fence any longer. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for this, and I intend to keep you all in my prayers.

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unreliablesnake · 11 days

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Guilty as charged (David "Deacon" Kay x f!reader)

Summary: You're working for the CIA's Special Activities Division and get involved in a case 20-David has to deal with. Despite being married, Deacon is drawn to you and there's nothing he can do about it. His life gets out of control and it takes a really long time to find himself again.

Warnings: emotional cheating, a teensy bit of catholic guilt

Note: I only saw like half of s6 so I don't know Annie. She must be nice, but this had to be done.

You were CIA–Special Activities Division to be exact. Deacon understood that you had been close to the fire before and knew much more about their suspect than they would learn from a quick research. Time was running out which meant they could use all the help they could get. Hondo wanted him and Luca to go through the details with you so they could come up with a plan, but he wasn’t exactly happy about it.

His problem with you wasn’t the fact you were an outsider. It was personal.

First, he subconsciously began to focus on your hands, looking for an engagement ring or a wedding band, but there was nothing. Then you made a quick personal phone call around him, and he found himself listening to see if the person on the other end of the line was someone you were in a relationship with. And he knew he was in big trouble when he had to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you against his chest to get you out of the way of trouble.

He reminded himself that he was married with kids over and over again, that he was in a happy marriage and didn’t need anyone else. But then you flashed a small smile at him and his strength to keep his distance disappeared without a trace. He discreetly made sure he was near you all the time; he helped you out if further research was necessary, if you had to visit a witness or a source, or if you wanted to let off some steam in the boxing ring after running into another dead end.

By the time that case came to an end, he had more and more trouble getting you out of his head. He even went to church to confess his sinful thoughts, but that didn't seem to help him, because that evening he had a brand new dream about you. A dream that mirrored the primal need that took over every time he was around you.

On the way to the station he made a promise to himself in his car; if they went out for a drink to celebrate, if you were a willing participant, he would take his chance and kiss you. Just one innocent kiss, nothing more.

Of course, it was hard to decide what he would regret the most. Kissing someone who wasn't his wife or letting you go without trying. He wanted to be faithful, he really did, but he was on the verge of losing his mind, and the only medicine seemed to be you. He had to try, even if he would have a terrible case of guilt for the rest of his life.

While you and Hondo discussed something outside of the bar, he got lost in a conversation with the rest of the team. Anything to take his mind off the thought of this being the last time he saw you. But maybe this was good news, maybe being away from you would give him the closure he was seeking.

Some time later Hondo showed up, ordering a beer for himself before turning to Deacon. “I can see you want to say something,” he said with a smile.

“Where did you leave our new friend?”

The other man let out a long sigh at this seemingly innocent question. “She’s talking to someone on the phone outside. Look, Deac, you’re my friend, so remember that I'm on your side. But listen, you need to stop.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can see the way you look at her. You're married, you shouldn't look like a kicked puppy every time she turns her attention to someone else.” Deacon nervously looked away, suddenly feeling guilty because he was right. He probably did look like a kicked puppy, because he sure as hell felt like one every time you talked to someone else from the team. “Did anything happen between you?” Hondo asked him with a concerned look.

“No.”

“Good. You shouldn't risk your marriage for someone who will leave tomorrow.”

With a groan, Deacon stood up and put on his jacket. “Noted. I'll go get some fresh air now.”

“Come on, man, I've just told you to leave her alone. You're playing a dangerous game,” came the sensible response.

“Thanks for the warning, I appreciate it.”

Hondo was right about everything, he knew that very well, but he was drawn to you in a way he had never been drawn to anyone, not even his wife. The idea of never seeing you again felt like a dagger in his heart, which seemed surreal since he only met you a few days ago. It was something unexplainable, something he was willing to accept without questions. Maybe it was fate that brought you together.

He walked around the building and found you standing on the street with your back against the wall, the light of the screen illuminating your face as you scrolled your phone. Even though he came to a stop before reaching you so he could take a good look at you, appreciating the view and taking in every little detail to remember you, you looked up and flashed a smile at him.

“Needed some air?” you asked, sounding as friendly as always.

“Yeah, you can say that. Can we talk?” You nodded and pushed yourself away from the wall to move closer to him. “Please tell me you have someone waiting for you back home,” Deacon begged you quietly.

“What?”

“Tell me you're in a relationship, give me a damn good reason why I shouldn't do something I might regret later.”

“Deacon, I…”

He placed his hands on your cheeks and leaned so close his lips almost touched yours. Almost. He kept a little distance, he didn't kiss you, so it didn't count as cheating, right? You looked confused, but still let him take control of the situation. “I shouldn't be doing this, but you don't give me a choice. You're driving me crazy, you know that?” he asked as his lips brushed your jawline.

Your fingers curled around his wrist before you gently pulled his hands away and took a step or two away from him. “I know you’re married, and I avoid married men,” you informed him, although there was no hate in your voice. You were still kind to him, as if it was nothing more but a misunderstanding.

“If I was single, would you give me a chance?”

“No. And it’s not because of you, it’s because of me. I don’t live in LA, I’m sometimes away for months, and I wouldn’t want you to deal with that.”

“I wouldn’t care.”

“But I would.” You stopped and took a deep breath, your eyes set on him as you carefully studied his expression. Deacon tried to keep a straight face, he tried to keep calm and make it look like he wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack, but you clearly saw through it all. “You’re not planning on leaving your family, are you?”

“I don’t know. Can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.”

Shaking your head, you let out a sigh and took a hesitant step closer. “Don’t even think about it, okay? You can’t end a marriage that’s been good just because you’re temporarily confused by your feelings,” you said, keeping your voice down as you tried to talk some sense into him.

Before he could figure out how to respond to that, Street showed up and told him they had to go somewhere. You motioned him to go with that damn adorable smile on your face, and he had a hard time fighting the urge to finally kiss you, probably for the first and last time. In the end he nodded and walked away, not looking back to make sure he safely escaped from your gravitational field.

It took Annie over a month to realize something was wrong. The countless nights Deacon spent on the couch instead of their shared bed, the distance he slowly built between them, the conversations they never had, and the way he snapped at her once when she dared to ask why he stayed out late one evening. He screwed up, he knew that, but he had been tense ever since you accidentally called him.

How could he forget about you when he saw your number in his phone, saved under the name Oliver so Annie wouldn’t put the pieces together if she ever took a look at his contact list or recent calls? If she had taken a look at it, she would have seen one incoming call from this guy, and several outgoing ones that only lasted a few seconds. Maybe a new friend, she could have thought.

So another two months later Annie sat him down so they could talk like adults, discussing what bothered him and hopefully finding a solution to their problem. At first he didn’t want to talk, he just kept changing the topic, but she knew better than to let him do that. When she asked him who she was, he groaned and stood up to start pacing in front of her. How could he explain the situation? It was so ridiculous that even he wanted to laugh at himself sometimes.

“We worked together on a case for a few days about four months ago. I hadn’t seen her or talked to her since then. Nothing happened, I swear,” he said, choosing to be honest with her. She deserved that much.

“Then what’s going on? Despite stating nothing happened between you, you didn’t hesitate to confirm it’s about another woman,” she pushed on, her voice slowly breaking.

Deacon gulped as he considered what to say. “She knew I was married and she wanted absolutely nothing from me. It’s all on me, Annie. I was the one who chased her, not the other way around.”

“Please, pack a suitcase and leave. I–I can’t be under the same roof with you now.”

A text was all he sent you. A short text that told you his wife had kicked him out three months ago and he was sure they wouldn't get back together. Then he waited. A day. A week. A whole month passed with no response. He was beginning to accept that you wouldn't talk to him again.

But then he went to the station one day and he was told someone was waiting for him. It was you. After all that time you were standing in front of him, looking absolutely stunning in the blue sundress you wore with a pair of beige summer ankle boots. You looked so uncertain that if he hadn't known what you were capable of, he would have assumed you were out of your element here.

Maybe you were. Maybe you both were. This wasn't a conversation about a case or your respective jobs. He felt it in his bones that you came because of his message. So he cleared his throat and walked over to you, taking deep breaths to calm himself since his heart wanted to jump out of his ribcage.

“It's been a while,” he said with a nervous smile.

You looked down at your shoes, doing your best to avoid his gaze. “I don't even know why I'm here. I've been away for so long, then I came home a few days ago and saw your text and the missed calls. I'm sorry, it's been a long time, maybe I should leave,” you said.

Before you could turn to leave, though, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back. “Is that why I couldn't reach you? Because you were on a mission?” You nodded when you were finally brave enough to look him in the eye. “When I asked you if you would give me a chance if I was single, you said you wouldn't because of your job. But now you're here and I need to know why.”

“I don't know, Deac. All I know is that I couldn't get you out of my head after I found out you were still thinking about me,” you admitted.

He smiled at you as he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to himself. “Let's say we can find a way to make this work. Are you sure you're ready for this?” he asked you.

You placed a hand on his arm and began to draw circles into his skin with your thumb. The silence was deafening, but he wasn't about to rush you, not when he finally had you this close again. And then you spoke up, but the things you said brought a deep frown on his face.

“You misunderstood me, I'm afraid. When I said I couldn't get you out of my head, I meant it in a different way. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Stop thinking about me, forget I exist, and for the love of God, try to fix things with your wife,” you told him seriously.

“I don't think that's possible,” he began sadly. “Every time I look at her, all I can think about is how I wish she was more like you. I can't love the woman she is anymore. It's you I need.”

Shaking your head, you pushed his arm away and stepped away from him. “I need to go, my team will head out in two hours. Don't torture yourself, Deacon. You deserve better,” you said, even flashing a supportive smile at him.

He let out an annoyed groan, his warm eyes watching you closely as he thought about what he could possibly do to change your mind. Maybe if he showed you how good you two would be together, you would realize that it wasn't worth losing the possibility of a happy relationship. So in the end he looked around, making sure no one was around, then closed the gap between you and let his lip crush into yours in a cautious kiss.

“Now be honest with me,” he began patiently as his fingers caressed your cheek. “Why did you really come here? You were nervous, told me you didn't know why you came here, which was probably a lie. And I can tell the whole ‘forget about me and go back to your wife’ speech was a lie too.”

You watched him silently for a while, then you gulped and licked your lips as you prepared to talk. “But I meant it when I said you deserved better than me,” you told him.

“Just try to accept it’s you I need in my life.”

“What about the divorce? How’s that going?”

The divorce. Sure. All that had happened so far with his marriage was Annie throwing him out and the two of them seeing a counselor to discuss how to move on with the kids. They had to tell them that he was moving out for good, and they had to find the right way to assure them he wouldn’t disappear. But they never talked about the legal part of this process which was weird in retrospect as they had been separated for months and Annie was seeing someone already.

Deacon took a deep breath and said, “It’s… going.”

When he saw you close your eyes and let out a long sigh, he knew he couldn’t fool you. And just as he expected, you pulled away and gave him a serious look. “Call me when you’re legally single, okay? Until then it’s nothing more but a fantasy, you know that,” you told him coldly before telling him you had to get to the airport anyway.

He didn’t even try to stop you. You were right, and even he would have a lot to process if he entered a relationship before the divorce was finalized. He was already going to the church quite often to at least chat with the priest if he wasn’t ready to confess, hoping he would be able to give him the guidance he needed so badly right now.

And now you were back, even if for just a very short time, and made it clear you wouldn’t necessarily be against a relationship if the circumstances were different. Now he had to wait. He had to wait for bureaucracy, hoping nothing would stand in his way. How patient he would be while he was waiting, though, was a completely different matter.

#deacon kay x reader #deacon kay #david deacon kay x reader #david kay x reader #david deacon kay #david kay #s.w.a.t. cbs #swat cbs #swat #s.w.a.t.#brainrot

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dingochef · 3 months

Text

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking, light bondage, blindfolds, shitty parents, nightmares, arguing

Summary: You and Jake work through the details that make marriage work and deal with a few bumps in the road. News from your Dad doesn't help.

Word Count: 5.0k

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

A Rose By Any Other Name

You're walking home, (and still in constant awe and adoration of your engagement ring) from the ferry terminal towards your house. When your phone rings, the display showing "Dad". You keep walking and answer the call.

"Elsa, Congratulations on your engagement," your dad practically shouts on the phone.

"Thank you, Dad," you reply cautiously, "Is Mom there?"

"No, she isn't."

You're not sure how to continue the conversation, so you go with the 'running away' tactic.

"Well, I'm almost home, so anything else you want to talk about?" you ask, hoping he says no. The awkwardness palpable even from 2,000 miles away.

Your Dad takes a deep breath,

"Yeah, Elsa, I have a few things to talk about with you, if you want to."

You reach the front porch of your house and sit down on it.

"Umm, yeah, I'm listening."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about what happened at Christmas. I heard everything; I apologize for being a coward and staying in the kitchen."

You give a small hum of assurance that you're listening. He continues,

"I'm so sorry that I failed you for so long. I know now I should have done more to balance out your mom. It's not an excuse, it's a regret."

He pauses and takes another breath, "I was checked out, should have been there more."

"Dad, what's done is done. This is feeling a little like Cat's in the Cradle," you answer, finally having something to say.

He laughs,

"There's that wicked sense of humor," he pauses, "I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you and what you've become."

"It's good to hear you say it, Dad, but all our family dysfunction isn't going to be solved in one day."

"I get that, Elsa, I really do. But it's a starting point."

"There's something else I need to tell you, your mother and I are separating."

You croak out a very surprised, "What?"

"Christmas was a wake up call, that I haven't been happy in our relationship for a long time, but I stayed because it was comfortable and familiar."

Jake pokes his head out just as you say,

"It seems like a drastic step to separate, did you guys try couples therapy?"

Jake looks at you and mouths

"Who is that?" to you.

"My dad," you cover the phone and whisper back. Jake's eyes narrow and his brows furrow together. He goes to say something, but heads back into the house.

Your dad has taken his time in responding, he sighs,

"I invited her to go with me, I've been going on my own since Christmas, or find a new one, but she didn't want to go, or try."

Your dad's voice cracks on the word try. He is starting to cry and for the first time in a long time you wish you were in Michigan to give him a hug, this is the most vulnerable moment you've ever experienced with him.

Jake has reappeared and hands you a gin and tonic and squeezes your shoulder as he gives you space to talk.

Your dad draws in a deep breath to settle him and starts to talk again.

"My time left on earth is a diminishing resource,"

you interrupt him, "That's a little grim." He huffs out a soft laugh.

"I had the epiphany that I want to spend it with the people that make me happy, not just out of habit. A big part of it is how she never let go of the argument from Christmas. I won't be with someone who is driving away our children chasing the past. You kind of inspired this, by the way."

"That kind of sounds like I caused your separation when you say it that way," you try to joke.

He laughs on the other end, the tight band around your heart loosens a little.

"That's not what I mean exactly, just you've built this world of people who love you for just being you. Every time you've faced something that would decimate most people, you jumped back up and kept going to do what made you happy. Like you know that the love you share with Jake is worth fighting for, even if it means a fucked up relationship with your mother. I need to do what makes me happy and loved, and right now that's not being with her."

You laugh a bit darkly, trying to keep the tears at bay that threaten to spill,

"Dad, don't know if you didn't notice, my relationship with Mom has always been a bit fucked up."

"Yet another thing I ignored, I've missed so much, Elsa, I'm so sorry for that."

"It's okay Dad, you're at least self aware now, plus it's another thing you can add to your therapy list, you know in case you run out of stuff to talk about. Want to use every minute of that hour, get your money's worth."

"Did you just make a cheap dad joke about therapy?"

He's laughing and you can feel him lightening even over the phone.

"Yes, I did. You're the only person I've ever known to cut open the toothpaste tube to get that last little bit."

"Hey, it works. There's at least two more tooth brushings in there," he's at least joking a bit.

"Well, I'll let you go Elsa, you probably want to eat dinner with your fiance and not talk about an old man's laments. I want you to know how proud and amazed I am at what you've done with your life. I think Jake loves you deeply and he's good for you."

"It's really good to hear that," you pause,

"You might want to consider a trip out here, alone, actually get that visit in. I love you, Dad."

"I love you so much, Elsa."

"Bye."

You hang up the phone and hold the cold drink to your forehead as though the coolness could soothe your inner turmoil. When you go inside Jake is sitting on the couch, pretending to read a magazine. He chose his spot on the couch because he could keep watch over you outside on the porch. A wave of warmth rolls over you to know how protective and loving he is. He starts to get up and you motion for him to stay. Putting your drink on the coffee table, you flop down on the couch next to him. He waits patiently for you to talk and pulls you into his arms.

You break the silence,

"I didn't think I'd have to add 'Parents Getting Separated Likely Divorced' to my Matthews Family Dysfunction bingo card, but here we are."

Jake is visibly surprised,

"That's out of left field, you were talking to your Dad, right?"

"Yeah, he called to congratulate us on getting engaged and decided to let me know about them separating at the same time. You know for efficiency reasons, couldn't have those be two different phone calls," you snort thinking of the range of emotions in one phone call.

"So, they're separated. Any particular reason why?"

Jake is cautiously wading into the emotional quagmire.

"He said he's been doing a lot of thinking and therapy since Christmas, and realized he wasn't happy in their relationship and hadn't been for a long time."

"Wow, you'd think that he'd just run the last mile of the marathon and stay with her and not start over so late in life."

You laugh,

"I got the impression it was more of a 'I'll be damned if I'm going to run my last mile with you.'"

Jake at least rewards you with a light smirk.

"Part of it was my mom's insistence on holding onto the past, he said he wouldn't be with someone who would drive his kids away for something that could have been."

"So, how do you feel about this?"

He pulls you closer for a hug as he kisses the top of your head.

"Surprised and not at the same time, my parents have always been together but I don't know that I ever saw them in love with each other. I remember Dad as a little kid being really bright, laughing, and funny. Always smiling, that started to fade over time, I don't know if that was the toll of a strained relationship or if it was him kind of checking out trying to cope with it."

"I'm glad he's going to therapy, that's pretty smart of him," Jake offers.

"He said he has regrets from my childhood and how he let my mom dominate my life, so he's at least aware of that. He also said he is really happy for us and thinks you love me deeply and am good for me, which I'd have to agree."

You lean over to give him a peck on the cheek. Jake can tell you're still processing the conversation and will likely talk to him again about it.

"You ready for some dinner? I made a stir fry," he asks quietly.

"That sounds lovely," you stand up and wrap your arms around Jake's torso.

"I love you so much, Jake Seresin."

He replies,

"I love you very much, Elsa Matthews, soon to be Seresin."

You know you have to talk about some of the details of married life like keeping your last name, but you're emotionally spent for the day.

–

It turns out that conversation happens very soon on the next sunny Saturday afternoon. You and Jake have convened at the dining table to discuss “Life Stuff” as you called it. A file folder of your financial stuff, your laptop open to your financial tracking software, and Jake's tablet are laid out on the table. He keeps all his financial info electronic so that he can access it from anywhere the Navy sent him.

You start,

"So, I want to get married sooner than later, I don't want a really long engagement because we're trying to plan the 'perfect wedding.'"

"I agree, we'll have to see what's available for locations and work from there," Jake nods.

"Okay, that's good, that's probably a whole nother day of effort, but I thought we'd tackle the hard things first before picking wedding colors, you know the things that actually make marriages work."

Jake is smiling his panty dropper smile,

"God, I love it when you get all engineer on me, planning stuff, solving problems. It's kind of hot."

He smirks as he slides his hand up your thighs under your dress.

"Jake," you stop his hand and pull it off your leg,

"This is important stuff and you doing that is highly distracting and you're not going to get me all wet and bothered to discuss whether we do a prenup or combine bank accounts."

"Okay, I'll behave for now," he raises one eyebrow and gives you that smirk again.

"So, I came up with these things to discuss from my research. Not that this is the only time we'll talk about it."

You look down at your list,

"First, what debt do you have? I'll start, I have," you scroll through your accounts on the laptop,

"$367 on a credit card that is paid automatically each month from my checking account. You?"

He scrolls,

"Credit card only, $582. Also paid automatically each month."

"Okay, that was stupidly simple, by some stroke of luck, we have no student loans, car loans, mortgage, or a crippling gambling problem."

Jake laughs,

"You know this might be easier if we just swap the laptop and tablet with each other."

"Okay," you shuffle the tech around and scroll through Jake's accounts. Checking, savings, credit card, investment account, and what looks like a retirement account. All of which are healthy and reasonable.

You look over to Jake and he looks shocked,

"El, I didn't realize how loaded you are, maybe I should have made you pay for dinner more often."

You laugh,

"Most of my net worth is in this house, I've been maxing out my 401k and Roth IRAs since I started working. That's a lot of it, but also I don't really live an extravagant lifestyle as you've noticed. I drive an 8 year old Honda, probably the second most expensive thing I've bought in the last few years has been my bike. I've been putting the equivalent of a monthly payment for a house, since I don't have one, into a money market account since I bought this place. That's all because I really do earn good money at my job, six figures."

Jake has been nodding the whole time,

"So, level with me, what was your gross salary last year?" he asks.

"$150,000," you answer, waiting for Jake's response.

He has a pleased look on his face, none of the insecurity or jealousy you've seen from guys before,

"Nice, beats my $85k a year."

"It doesn't matter who makes more money, because I think it's our money when we get married which leads me to the next question. How do you want to manage money? Combine accounts or keep separate accounts?"

Jake answers,

"I think that combining is the way to go, it seems complicated and kind of petty to have to balance out every transaction to make things even. If it's one account, it's our money that we use for our lives. You?"

"I'm in favor of the combined account, pretty much for the same reasons. I see you're a member of a military credit union, so that might be the place to have our accounts. We can compare that stuff and choose the best one."

"Sounds good, what's the next question?"

"What purchases can we make individually and what ones do we need to consult each other on?"

"Obviously the big ones, houses, cars, anything that you might consider taking out a loan for. I'm not sure if there's a dollar amount that would trigger it, because spending $500 on a couch is different than spending $500 on shoes. Not that you're the type to do that," he looks at the ratty Chaco flip flops you're wearing.

"Hey, they still work. I'll get a new pair when they break. It's just my Midwestern soul and the ingrained thriftiness. I think it's context dependent too. I'm going to go with the 'when in doubt ask' policy."

"Agreed, what's next? This feels like a job interview almost."

"We should discuss if we want a prenup."

Jake starts,

"I think it would be wise to protect your assets, Elsa."

You scoff,

"It feels really cynical. Like we're expecting this not to work. The big thing is the house, it's in my name obviously, I was considering adding you to it, so you'd get if anything happened to me, or we can set up a trust that automatically transfers it to you. A trust might not be a bad idea if we plan on having kids. Hah, that's the next question."

You look at Jake and he seems a little overwhelmed,

"Are you okay over there?"

"Who knew getting married would be so complicated. El, I don't want the appearance of me marrying for your money. Your mother has already made me paranoid about not being enough."

"Jake, if you wanted a sugar momma, you could have reached way higher. There's plenty of rich old ladies on Coronado Beach looking for a young buck like you."

He relaxes and laughs a little,

"Who says I'm not playing the long game for when you'll be a rich old lady?"

It's your turn to laugh now,

"Jake, this is our house, I need to set up a will anyway and we can discuss options with a lawyer if you want."

Jake looks satisfied with that answer. He looks at the list of questions,

"So, kids, yes or no, and how many?" he asks.

"I do want a family, not giant, but at least two kids. All the only children I know are kind of weird. Seeing you with Ellie and Gigi made something click on in my uterus, because I was definitely filled with the urge to give you babies."

"I'm sure I could help you with that primal urge," he jokes,

"I'd like a family, but as I said before you get to make the ultimate decisions on all of that because it's your body and you'll bear the brunt of it."

"Fair, would we both work if we had kids? I don't really think I'd like to be a stay-at-home mom, I'd like to keep building my career."

"While in an ideal world you or I could take a multi year sabbatical and raise some kids, I'd expect that we'd both want to work, and I'm okay with hiring a nanny or daycare, are you?"

"Yeah, I am. I was a daycare kid as my mom was a teacher. I went during the school year and I think there's some good to it, the socialization. It just depends on finding the solution that feels right."

"Alright, hit me, what's next?" Jake asks, rolling his shoulders.

“How do you feel about me keeping my last name? You've casually mentioned me changing my name."

Jake thinks for a moment,

"I just assumed you would, you know tradition and what not, why wouldn't you?"

"My whole professional life is under Matthews, my patents, licenses, and journal articles. All under Matthews, keeping that consistent is important to my professional reputation. Plus, it always felt a little patronizing and demeaning to me. It feels like a relic from the past when women were just traded around by fathers to husbands like property."

Jake's face twists into a disagreeable expression, his mouth pulled tight.

"I guess, I've always thought of it being a unifying thing, like 'Team Seresin'. Not you submitting to me like property."

He looks worried as he continues to speak,

"Do you not want to be Mrs. Lieutenant Seresin? Were you going to change it for Liam?"

"No, I wasn't and that's not what I'm saying, it's just arbitrary that it has to be the woman who changes her name, do you want to be Mr. Dr. Matthews?"

He shakes his head,

"Why would I change my name? It's not what people do."

"Jake, just because it's been done that way for a long time, doesn't mean we have to do it. We can be committed to each other without the same last name."

You sigh a little louder than you should.

"I just thought that it would be something that brings us together, being the Seresins, a family unit. What if we have kids, what is their last name going to be?" he asks and clenches his jaw waiting for the answer.

"I'm more than fine with them having Seresin as a last name. I wouldn't want to burden a kid with a hyphenated last name."

"You could hyphenate, what about being Elsa Seresin-Matthews?"

Jake raises his eyebrows like he's found the magic solution.

"That's a giant pain in the ass and you know it." you huff, feeling your cheeks heat up. Jake's eyebrows drop and furrow together as he considers what he's going to say next.

"Elsa," you're surprised he's using your full name and not just El,

"I can understand why you wouldn't want to change your name, but it just feels like you're bucking tradition just to do it."

"That's what you got from this discussion? I'm just being contrary for the fun of it? Please stop saying it's tradition, because sometimes tradition is a word for the stupid way we've always done things."

You wince internally at the last part, momentarily forgetting how much of Jake's life is ruled by tradition and the Navy.

Jake's mouth stretches into a thin flat line, his anger telegraphing across the room.

You and Jake are now staring each other down, obviously both angry. You're about ready to leap in for another round like the hot headed idiot you can be when Jake holds up his hands in a surrender motion.

"Let's hold up a second. You've said your piece and I've said mine. I think we need to cool off and separate for a bit before we make this nasty. I know how I can be a righteous asshole when I'm pissed off and I don't want to go there."

You take a deep breath,

"Fine, I'm going to go for a bike ride, might as well use this energy for something."

Jake nods curtly, acknowledging you.

You change into your workout gear and head out on your bicycle. As you round the corner of the block, your phone dings with a message from Jake,

"Went for a run."

You snort that he's also expending angry energy in a physical way. Your conversation plays over and over in your head. Changing your name, beyond the professional reasons, just always felt off. Like you know intrinsically that you're Elsa S. Matthews, PE, PhD. The way Jake didn't really get the professional reasons why keeping your name the same was probably what hurt the most. He knows how important your career is to you. Changing names and not having that continuous professional history could undermine your career. Just another piece of bullshit female professionals have to deal with. Another mile and your white hot rage dims and your brain fixates on the rhythm of "Elsa S. Matthews". The syllables syncing up over and over in time with your legs pushing down the pedals as you try to burn this frantic electric energy.

You stop to look out over the bay and it occurs to you that there is a compromise here, the S standing for Samantha, a name you don't care about. You weren't named for anyone, your mom said she read it in a novel when she was pregnant and liked it. How easy would it be to change your middle name to Seresin? Elsa Seresin Matthews. You can keep your professional name the same, Elsa S. Matthews. That feels right to you, like the joining of names not obliterating one for the other or tacking on a clunky name at the end of a full name.

Your ride home is quick and you fall into the same rhythm as before except to Elsa Seresin Matthews. Desperate to find Jake and resolve this, you pick up your pace.

Arriving home and you put your bike away as fast as you can, desperate to see Jake. You walk in through the back door just as Jake walks in through the front door shirtless, sweaty, and wearing rather skimpy running shorts. His golden treasure trail just peeking out of the waistband. Your brain automatically wants you to wrap your legs around his waist and fuck him as soon as possible, but you know you and Jake need to talk.

You meet in the middle of the living room and start talking at the same time,

"El, I didn't–

"Jake, I was being–"

He cock his head when you laugh.

"This feels like a rom com where the characters fight over something to add a conflict to the plot. Like we both just enter the house at the same time and start talking over each other."

He cracks a smile and starts to talk, "El, I didn't think through all the professional implications of changing your name. I can see how that would upset you, given how hard you've worked and how much your career means to you. I was wrong to diminish that."

You swear you see a light bulb go on above Jake's head. Like he unlocked the Rosetta Stone, and figured out what bothered you most.

"Did anyone ever tell you you're a smart one?" you tell him. He smiles and shakes his head.

"You're right that's why I got upset. I don't fault you for assuming that I'd change my name, a lot of women do. I also can see how it looks like I'm rejecting your name and in a way you."

Jake looks away for a second.

"It stung, and I fixated on us having the same last name as something critical to being married, when it's not."

He takes your hands in his,

"Us being married and committed to each other whatever our names are is the important part."

"I have a proposition," he raises his eyebrow and takes a step toward you. You laugh at him as you stop him with your hands on his chest, his hands landing on your wrists,

"Not that kind of one, yet. Keeping my name as Elsa S. Matthews is important for me, but the S stands for Samantha. A name I have no affinity for, my mom got it from a trashy romance novel. I want to change my middle name to Seresin. A name that means a lot to me and to you. What do you think?"

The panty dropper smile blooms wide and open on his face,

"You're calling me smart, but you are the smart one. I would be very touched if you took my name as your middle name. I was at peace, okay, a grumbly peace," he slightly rolls his eyes, "With you keeping your name, but I really like this idea. Elsa Seresin Matthews, sounds good."

You lean up to kiss him,

"I'm glad. And we just had an honest to goodness fight, didn't we? I think we came through it all right, good communication skills, go us."

You wave a tiny pretend flag with your hand in celebration.

Jake pulls you close to him, and whispers in your ear, his voice low,

"Know what the best part of a fight is?"

A shiver rolls along your spine as Jake drops a light kiss just under your ear. His hands sliding down your back to grab your ass and pull you close to him.

You stutter a little as you answer,

"N-no, what's the best part?"

He smirks into your neck, stopping his efforts to give you a hickey he replies,

"The make-up sex."

A wave of arousal flushes down your body as you gaze into Jake's eyes, the green blown out by his pupils wide with desire. His hands slide from your ass to under your thighs. He lifts you up with ease and your legs finally wrap around his waist. You kiss him like you're both running out of oxygen and you're trying to steal it from each other's lungs. He backs you up to the nearest wall and pins you up against the wall, his legs supporting you and your hands around his neck. You are grinding at each other desperate for some friction. You whine because you're wearing padded bike shorts, and you can't feel Jake like you need to.

"Need more,” you pant against his lips,

“Need you,” he also pants against your neck, where his head had slipped down.

He unzips your bike jersey to get more of your skin against his, and he huffs,

"Stupid sports bra.”

"Put me down for a second."

He lets you down gently and you peel your clothing off as fast as you can. Jake has the same idea and pulls his running shorts and underwear off in one smooth motion. As soon as he can he pulls you back up to him, moaning at the contact of skin on skin. He steadies you against the wall again, your legs wrapping around his waist on instinct.

"I didn't think you'd be able to rip through my bike shorts like you did my underwear," you gasp out as Jake enters you. Jake's only answer is a string of curse words and sex babble, "Fuck, god you feel so good, El. Love you so much."

“Love you so much, Jake.”

He starts a fast rhythm, your mutual need to be close and chase your highs spurring him on. The feeling of being completely surrounded by Jake and his hard wall of muscle, his scent, and the feeling of your sweat mixing as you slide against each other is amazingly overwhelming. Your brain is reduced to one thought as he pounds into you,

“Jake. Jake. Jake.”

Jake lifts you a little higher, grips your thighs a bit harder, and you are seeing stars as his cock hits the deepest spots in you.

"Love you, oh fuck, right there, so good. Don't stop," you plead with him.

The pleasure is overwhelming with each thrust, the room is filled with only your heavy breathing, moans, and the obscene sound of fucking and skin slapping on skin for the next few minutes.

"Touch yourself, El, make yourself come, so beautiful when you come on my cock,” Jake grits out as he grips your thighs and ass harder. You comply, and snake your hand down and start rubbing your clit frantically, trying to match the pace. You look Jake in the eyes and start talking,

"I wanted to wrap my legs around you the second I saw you come through the door, half naked, sweaty, and my god, your chest. Want to fuck you all the time."

Jake's reaction is to pound harder and faster, erasing your ability to form coherent sentences.

“Fuck, El. I want you all the fucking time. I can't believe this pussy is all mine.”

"Fuck, I'm so close, Jake, so close. Come with me, please."

Your climax slams through you like a car hitting a brick wall. Your eyes close involuntarily, and you can see stars dance across your eyelids.

“Fuck, El. Milking me so good, so fucking tight,” Jake grits out as comes, right on the heels of your orgasm. His hot come filling you up as you spasm around him on each wave of residual pleasure. Somehow Jake holds you up through the aftershocks, his head on your shoulder as you catch your breath. He kisses you sweetly on the lips, and says,

"I'm going to put you down now, you good to stand?"

You just nod and hum as he pulls out and sets you down. You wrap your arms around his torso to lay your head on his chest, only to realize how sweaty it is. I pull my face back and suggest,

"I think it's time for a shower, we both are sweaty and reek of sex."

"Excellent idea." He responds, and you can see from the look on Jake's face that he has more thoughts for later.

Chapter 20

@kmc1989

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered

@mamachasesmayhem

@callmemana

@dempy

@hangmanscoming

@lanie-k

@callsign-viper

@senjoritanana

@djs8891

@atarmychick007

@memoriesat30

@midnightmagpiemama

@mygyn

#top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #hangman #hangman fanfiction #jake seresin fanfiction #hangman x you #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake seresin x you #top gun smut

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muzzleroars · 4 months

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I'm sorry if this has been already asked but what's V2's relationship/dynamic with V1?

Also, whats V2's reaction to V1's ascension/being risen?

eventually it's 100% an evil sibling dynamic, but it takes quite some time for v2 and v1 to understand each other. v2's resistance is obvious, it's been left bitter by their prior encounters and, at a fundamental level, it believes v1 is far more like the other machines than it is...and it's right. v2 was trained extensively on human learning/behavioral models, it thinks in a very different way despite v1 also being highly sophisticated and sharing the same hardware for its mind. v2 saw v1 as a pure war machine, one so perfect for its purpose that it couldn't find a place in the new peace (ask it, it knows). essentially, it doesn't really believe v1 is capable of bonding, is capable of connection, and it believes, for some time, gabriel has projected his own feelings on it. however, v2 has very few options for social relationships in hell, something it needs given its development, and gabriel is about the only choice it has. it pointedly avoids v1 when visiting, not really trying to change gabriel's mind but also not listening when he insists how v1's grown by leaps and bounds. it isn't until v1 makes the effort, that v1 tries interacting with it in non-violent ways, that it begins to reconsider. it's easy to push it away at first, but v1 keeps coming back, even going so far as to not engage it when v2 instigates in exasperation...and it doesn't know WHAT to think. when it signs out to it that gabriel said it should try, that gabriel told it v2 is the only family it has left (and he's very insistent. it would make him happy, it tells v2). when it sees something deeper in v1, that it isn't just a perfect, mindless murderer, it begins to let its guard down little by little around it.

when they grow more comfortable with each other, v2 STILL thinks v1 is more than a little unhinged from its corrupted software and v1 thinks v2 is more than a little strange, trying to act like people, but it becomes much more pestering/teasing each other. this. looks a little different in what's essentially two tiny war machines, but gabriel quickly learns a vast majority of what they do is now "play" fighting, despite the damage it causes to the surrounding area. however, i do think they learn A LOT from each other in very good ways - v1 sees v2 modeling behaviors in a way it understands much better and it helps it be gentle with gabriel, while v1 teaches v2 that it's okay to let go of that, that it is a machine and can act like one when it wants to. they would never admit they're copying each other, but gabriel finds it incredibly endearing that they make all these little connections because no one else left in the world could understand each other the way they do in many ways. i even...like the idea that v1 gives the knuckleblaster back, so long as v2 helps it make a new one (v2 is much more gifted in crafting than v1...and it's more v1 helping v2 make it.....with the help very unhelpful at times.....) in the end, they're still committed to terrorizing each other, but they also grow close in their own way and would absolutely defend the other if needed. (gabriel is overjoyed and v1 is happy he's happy)

as far as risen v1 goes, i think v2 is likely around in the initial process given how long it takes - gabriel takes his light back, but v1 lays dormant in heaven for quite some time. v2, in and out of heaven itself often for visiting mike, probably does what it can to comfort gabriel during this time. it's not particularly good at that kind of thing, but it was dead too, after all, and he saved it then....why couldn't he do it now with v1? it's genuinely unsure if it will work and....something in it is sad to see v1 so deteriorated, so silent and still. it takes that to mike though, knowing gabriel doesn't need the additional grief, relating how the two never came to fully understand one another, but not thinking it matters either way. it had grown to appreciate v1's presence and there truly isn't anything that could remotely replace it. but when v1 wakes, when all of its circuitry lights up in bright blue, v2 is relieved with gabriel. for a minute. until it realizes the kind of terror it's going to be now that it can...fly. it kind of maybe holds out hope for a second that something in it will be tempered by gabriel's light but that only lasts until it sees it crawling all over gabe like an aphid before immediately leaping off the tallest building it can find. so while everyone is amazed at v1's successful rise, v2 thinks it's going to move to heaven permanently because it is NOT living near THAT.

#like it's happy v1 made it and everything #but it doesn't want to be NEAR it now #although maybe that's when it and mike go to live on the surface for awhile #i like to think they do at some point #v2 misses earth a lot and mike really enjoys being in nature now so!#cake answers #v2 #v1 #rise and fall au

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becasworldsstuff · 2 months

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Hi, so can you do Colin Bridgerton lover where they are a secret relationship because of all the stuff that comes with being public and they aren’t ready for that but somehow Lady Whistledown finds out and it’s exposed.

-> pairings: Colin bridgerton x reader

-> warnings: none

Both of their eyes managed to lock together every time the two were in the same room, they danced with others, twirled around the room unknowingly to anyone else apart from the two of them.

Nothing could give away the love their hearts were laced with. So they began to find happiness in being together and wanting to be married as soon as possible. Anthony and Vioket were ecstatic, the girl couldn't have been a more perfect match for their family and their beloved Colin. No one knew except their family and the dark rooms into which they would find themselves happily expressing their love without a care in the world.

The room had began being suffocating for both of them because of the lack of liberty, they breathed the need to conjoin their hands and look into each other's eyes. And so y/n decided to leave the dance room in search of some peace and silence. Colin's eyes traveled along her figure as she kept going further away from his visual and so he decided to follow her, they found themselves in a room, where they hugged each other both in need of physical touch.

Her eyes watery as she looked into his "I can't help it Colin, I need to marry you, no one will ever be you and seeing you out there dance, it makes me melt, because you are not holding me" she says pointing at herself with heavy breathing "I want to marry you" he says with wavering words "words are not enough colin" she goes out of the room, running into a soft body draped in a beautiful dress "oh my, I'm so sorry miss featherington have I hurt you" Penelope eyes looked at her with a softness in them usual for her "don't worry, was just trying to escape my mom" "can I help? I know a way to the kitchen, here, we could eat some biscuits and talk if you'd deemed it interesting" "lovely" the two giggled soundly as they went to the kitchen in secret.

Dearest reader, this author finds herself in need of talking of one of the jewels of this season, the splendid and exquisite future miss bridgerton, I can offer the greatest of my wishes as Mr Colin bridgerton, the third son of the late viscount and viscountess Bridgerton, it seems the two were seen exchanging eyes as well as their mamas, who talked in secrecy for the entire night. However I find myself obliged to talk about miss featherington, once again missing...

The girl took the paper and stopped reading as lady whistledown kept using Penelope as a punching bag, the vallet came running in the tea room announcing miss bridgerton and the viscount bridgerton "I assume you read the paper" laughed violet to the girl's mother "don't worry dear, it will all work out, I know you were hoping for a titled man to bring luck in your sister's marriages but it's now the time to marry" "My mother's right, we are here to start organizing the wedding" Anthony said looking at his future sister-in-law.

The two lovers looked at eachother nodding and gulping down, "I'd like to use as engagement ring my nanas ring if it's fine with you miss Bridgerton" "of course my dearest"

Their eyes locked while she walked down the aisle, after a long mass the two were declared wife and husband and they finally kissed for the first time.

This reader deemed fit put in her best wishes to the new lord and miss bridgerton, to a happy and long marriage

#asks #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton

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ryuichirou · 4 months

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Anonymous asked:

I know that we put a lot of emphasis on ignoring antis but sometimes there are days where I read one of their comments and get so disheartened and tired. I do try to report and block as many as I can but it's just really difficult to pull through when a majority of them are minors who are calling for us to drop dead or be assaulted or kill ourselves.

Anyway, I'm grateful for you and your art! It really brightens my day, especially when I'm going through it.

It could be tough sometimes, Anon, I get it. You’ve said it well – if anything, it’s tiring. Even if you know for a fact that it’s just some kid trying to hurt you because of their own issues, you (and none of us) shouldn’t be forced to tolerate it just because they didn’t figure their shit out yet. And they sound so deranged sometimes that it becomes obvious that they don’t really understand what they’re saying/implying and they don’t care.

Thank you so much for your support! I am happy it makes you feel better. We’ll do our best to keep posting as long as we’re having fun, and I hope you’ll keep having fun too <3

And don’t forget that whatever they do or say, it’s not really about you – it’s about them trying to earn favor with their lame-ass friends who do the same type of shit, because creating meaningful earnest connections is much more difficult than gathering an angry mob, as well as creating actual content that can make other people happy and helps you to express your love for the media.

Anonymous asked:

What do you think is the reason for the octatrio visiting the Scalding Sands, is it just a business trip? Or maybe Azul is organizing his wedding, and wants to share his happiness with his old friends by inviting them in person! I'm sure that this isn't also one last ditch effort to get Jamil to reconsider their "relationship" (Oh, but he looks so misty-eyed after hearing the news, is that maybe a tear they see?... Ah, wait... He's just yawning...)

Ohhh, of course Jamil wouldn’t be misty eyed over this loss, Idia basically took the bullet for him… Honestly, good riddance, these two deserve each other 😭 The line between the Mafia AU and the Marriage AU is a bit blurred, but I didn’t think it was the case with this particular sketch; THAT BEING SAID, Azul is absolutely going to invite Jamil (alright, Kalim too) in person. He just HAS to see Jamil’s face when he hears that Azul is getting married! (Jamil’s face: completely unimpressed…)

When I was sketching it, I was thinking that it was a business trip; whether he is a mafia man or just an enterpreneur, Azul always has a lot of business in the Scalding Sands. And if they’re there anyway, why not pay a visit to their dear former classmates? <3 Jade and Floyd are always excited for that lol Poor Jamil.

Anonymous asked:

i love your riddle smut (especially the stuff with trey it’s so good <3) but honestly i find any nsfw of riddle a bit funny bc i can imagine him thinking something as innocent as a kiss is how babies are made. take responsibility trey!

You heard them, Trey! Teach Riddle about the birds and bees! But in general I’m sure Trey feels very responsible and probably even guilty, Anon….

Thank you <3 I love drawing Riddle in smutty situation, he is my ultimate sheltered homeschooled kid at his first party lol I really like the contrast of his innocent easily embarrassed self and his deeply hidden desires.

Anonymous asked:

My sister thought Idia was Aoba, at first…

Gotta love them blue-haired twinks with funky boots and huge-ass jackets and headphones and 10 boyfriends one of which is an AI dog…

Anonymous asked:

I think 'Kalim Overblots' plots should take advantage of their surroundings more often. If Kalim is overblotting in Scarabia, there's no reason why the dorm can't turn into Octavinelle 2.0 thanks to Oasis Maker. Especially if the Octa Trio is involved.

Yeah, using the environment is a great way to make a scene way more engaging. I wonder if Kalim could drown his dorm completely by the time he’s all out of magic and filled with blot; it would be interesting to see underwater Scarabia… lots of space for the fishies to swim in…

Anonymous asked:

If Jamil has a best man/woman in his wedding, it would be Najma because while she is annoying to him at least it is better than any of his school mates. Floyd and Ace are too troublesome to take care of. Ruggie will only just busy with the food than being best man. Kalim, if he isn't who he wed, would feel much more troublesome to take care of and wouldn't care if Kalim wanted to be his best man.

I'm sure if Kalim wasn't wed to Jamil, he will be make him his best man. If not, I'm sure Silver, Cater, or Lilia will. Except Silver, I can picture Lilia and Cater fighting for position. Then again, there will be many weddings for Kalim and they took turns.

I can’t even add anything to that, Anon; I haven’t thought about this scenario at all, but everything that you’re saying makes sense. Honestly, this is just another reason for Jamil to never bother with getting married – the thole thing is going to be so fucking annoying lol but I’m all for Najma being a best woman.

I can also picture Kalim saying stuff like “ah don’t worry, I’ll make you my best man next time!”

Anonymous asked:

I have returned from the trenches of forgetting my password and then finding out I had no access to that email anymore. So now I come back bringing some foods for thought in what can be called a part 4 of my shenanigans.

Ruggie is the campus whore, don't know where the idea came from but I feel like he'd sell his body for some quick cash.

Rook x Idia has been inching its way into my brain, I feel like Rook would find him to be a straight up sexual conquest. Idia would be an unsuspecting deer in his eyes and I don't think Rook has much impulse control lmao

Random story time rabbit hole : Your ranking for their levels of whore inspired to give Divus a pretty bastard son because I feel like Divus wouldn't discriminate on gender in his teen age years. Which made me realize Divus is not dad material, and led me to this conclusion after a friend of mine mentioned it; he would probably sleep with his son on purpose or by mistake. If he's the one to raise the kid on the other hand, its more emotional incest. On that note, my pretty boy deserves justice against his daddy (not, he is used to it by now and probably can't function without it lol)

~ The one and only, 🐩 anon

Welcome back, 🐩 anon! I’m glad to see you again :)

Ruggie would definitely sell his body; I think the only reason he would stop is if he gets himself a deal with Leona and has to protect his exclusive rights and all lol Other than that, Ruggie doesn’t see this whole thing as anything other another business.

100% about the Rook/Idia thing, we love thinking about these two, god it’s such a pity I never finished our sketch with these two LOL but it’s exactly like you described: Idia is such a rare unsuspecting deer that’s so skittish and fearful and difficult to catch. At the same time, whenever they interact, if Rook manages to keep Idia around long enough for his initial scare to pass, he seems to know just the right stuff to say to Idia to keep him invested in a conversation. He’s working on it, he’s working on this deer~

Oh god, the Divus-the-dad scenario was the one I wasn’t expecting lol I’m not even sure which one is more cursed (=better); but I feel like Divus sleeping with his bastard son on accident is more plausable, at least at this point in his life. When he gets older, he might get into the emotional incest thing….

Divus and his emotional incest era…

#replies

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kkcauseway · 5 months

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🤍MaStErLiSt🤍

My Ao3 - here

The last of us:

Key:👶🏼pregnancy,🌶️smut,☁️fluff

Joel & F!reader One Shots:

'Life'-Joel Miller x F!reader No outbreak, Sarah doesn’t die, and Joel is happy with YOU. You get to live out the fantasy of having babies with Joel. Not much smut, but it’s just a cute ass story. With a happy ending. (Also from Joel’s POV)👶🏼☁️ 'I'm taking a ride with my best friend'-Joel Miller x F!reader Pure smut, it’s about time car rides weren’t boring.😏🌶️ 'It's what he deserves'-Joel Miller x F!reader Joel's had a stressful day at work and you want nothing more than to help him de-stress once he’s in your arms. (Basically smut smut and more smut 🙃)🌶️☁️ 'Caring Hand'- Joel Miller x F!reader Fluff. You and Joel are travelling, on your long awaited trip after your recent promotion. Yet your morning sickness is at it's worst.☁️ 'Intoxicants'- Caring husband Joel Miller x Drunk F!reader You’re going out drinking. When Joel gets the call to get you finally comes you’re a little too drunk, but he doesn’t mind, he’ll look after you. It’s his job after all. Loads of feel good fluff. Caring!Joel looks after you.☁️ 'Lap time'- Joel Miller x F!reader Kink exploring with Joel and you find out you like it a lot more than expected.🌶️ 'Home'- Joel Miller x F!reader Joel’s desperate to get his hands on you once you leave Tommy and Maria’s engagement party. He finds it impossible to wait till you get home. 🌶️ 'It's happening'- Husband Joel Miller x Wife F!reader Taking a pregnancy test with Joel. ☁️ 👶🏼 'Birthday wishes' - Jackson!Joel x F!reader Telling Joel he's going to be a daddy again on his birthday.☁️👶🏼

Joel x Tess x F!reader One Shots:

'Learn from your mistakes'- Joel x Tess x F!Reader After pissing off Tess and Joel you need to find a way to prove you can listen and follow their rules.🌶️

Joel & Tess One Shots:

'Hate'- Joel & Tess Robert fucks Joel over and because of it Joel and Tess argue, Joel gets pissed off and when Tess won't let him do what he wants to do he shows her exactly whose boss. (Even though Tess still wins in the end) So much smut, hard forceful fucking/degrading.🌶️☁️

Joel & Sarah Miller One Shots:

'Upgrade To Grandpa'- Joel & Sarah Miller Sarah survives that fateful day and so she and Joel and happy in Jackson surrounded by family. Sarah ends up finding out she's pregnant. Aged 22 and having recently lost her boyfriend she needs her family around to support her and they do just that. Lots of fluff👶🏼☁️

Series:

Something -WHAT IF (Incomplete) New neighbourhood, new neighbours, new start. Unexpected friendships are made and life is forever changed for the better. It’s full of ups, downs, secret moments, lust & desire. (Joel Miller x f!reader)☁️🌶️ Oh Baby -The life you’ve always wanted (COMPLETE) You’re settled in Jackson happy in a relationship with Joel. The only thing missing, a baby. You can’t wait to expand your family. (Joel Miller x f!reader)👶🏼☁️ Three- (incomplete) Your boyfriend -Joel's son- spills your deepest darkest secrets and desires to his dad and uncle; shaming you for it, you've had enough. After finding out what it is that you're into and want to 'try' both Joel and Tommy have a proposition for you. They wana appreciate what it is you want, give you what you need. (Joel x Tommy x F!Reader)🌶️ Forever- (incomplete) You and Joel have been dating for two years, after discovering that you're pregnant you arrange a moving date to Bill and Frank's territory, but then you bump into Marlene. She needs help escorting Ellie to the fireflies- you're more than happy to help. When it isn't as straight and the events of finding the cure don’t go as planned plans have to change. You're still committed, but life events get in the way. Your expanding family comes first, but the cure is equally important. (Joel Miller x F!reader) 👶🏼🌶️☁️

#masterlist #the last of us #joel miller x y/n #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel and tess #joel and sarah #pedro pascal character fanfic

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pigeonwit · 5 months

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hi pidge! i was wondering if you knew of any canon era fics where davey and jack grow apart/jack goes to santa fe/separate/whatever and reunite sometime in the future?

... you know i could've SWORN i did, but i actually don't? which is a shame because jack leaving for santa fe, regretting it, and coming home in shame but knowing exactly what he wants and davey staying in new york, desperately wanting to welcome jack back but refusing because he knows how much jack can hurt him and won't risk it again, all set against that backdrop of period typical homophobia and keeping up appearances is a really cool idea. maybe davey actually did resign himself to living purely for his family and is close to settling down with a nice girl in a cushy job he hates, but has convinced himself its worth it for the sake of not letting his heart get broken again. what was he thinking, right? and it'd be so interesting to see how jack goes about rebuilding his friendships not only with davey but with everyone else he left behind. because i can understand people like race and crutchie feeling abandoned, but itd also be a great way to explore how jack was forced to grow up before he should've and how stressed he was acting as the leader to 100 boys at the age of 17.

that being said i feel kind of bad leaving this with just saying 'sorry no, whoopsies!!' so i'll recommend the two (technically three) fics that immediately came to mind when i was wracking my brain for anything that kind of fit this description. behold:

favorite crime by @we-are-inevitable (side bar this took me too many attempts to find again because i kept spelling 'favorite' the british way) - jack and davey engaged in a secret relationship which jack ended out of fear that due to his success with his political cartoons, they'd be under more scrutiny and thus more likely to be found out, leaving davey behind. they do TECHNICALLY reunite in the future but the story isnt meant to have a happy ending; instead you get a really achingly poignant story about love, fear and the consequences of both. the prose is gorgeous and the characterization is (in my opinion) the most solid in the fandom. jack's absence from daveys life is like a scar across the fic and you really feel how it affects davey to have such a permanent pain everpresent in him - but also having the memory of it nonetheless. its probably not the comforting fluff you're looking for but it IS a beautiful fic and if you're in a good enough place to read it, i recommend it!!

keepsakes (and trinkets) by @livesincerely - this is modern era, but it fits the bill almost perfectly. jack and davey were together but jack got a job offer in santa fe, causing a misunderstanding of davey wanting to support jacks dream while wishing he'd stay and jack not wanting to pressure him into uprooting his life while wishing he'd come with him. after finding davey while back in new york for a visit, they finally confront each other and all those old feelings come back to the surface. it's one of my favourite fics; i'm a big sentimentalist and i love the idea of keeping an object tied to a person for so long that you eventually dont even realize how much of that person is still in your life, still clinging on to the edges, not quite letting go. i love the idea of not even realizing how much a person is still clinging to the edges of your life until that person is THERE and suddenly oh, its unavoidable. all those little keepsakes and the memories attached are still there. you can try to get rid of them, but at a certain point that person has touched so much of your life that you dont even notice it. its just everywhere. i love that shit. im obsessed with that shit. it's one of my favourite go-to comfort fics when i need a little mental treat.

if anyone has any fics that DO fit this request in its entirety please let me know, because i would like to read them!

#fic recs part three! yay :D #i was brave and actually tagged people this time instead of doing the old @/ trick be proud of me #fic recs #fic hoard #newsies #javid #javey #ask #anon

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givehimthemedicine · 1 year

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I'm gonna say something that might make elmax tumblr mad at me but:

as much as El and Max are besties in the sense of the nonexclusive title, I can't honestly say I think they're mutual best friends in the sense of literal #1 ranking of emotional closeness.

Max becomes El's best friend within the same hour that they meaningfully interact, surpassing Mike by miles. no contest. but I think Max's best friend is still Lucas.

Max doesn't really share emotionally with El. she's a brand new friend and doesn't really have the, what do I want to say, life experience? to become Max's go-to confidant right away, which is a pretty major pillar of emotionally close friendship. El is so new to normal human relationships and regular life across the board. she would listen and care if Max confided in her, undoubtedly, but someone to whom you'd have to pause and explain and define aspects of what you just said honestly isn't going to be your #1 choice when you're upset and just want to vent and be understood. there's definitely no lack of emotional intelligence or anything like that from El, she's just not the easiest one to communicate with.

El actually COULD understand Max a lot better than Max might expect - and vice versa - but since neither of them really tells the other anything about themselves (at least not onscreen), they don't know just how much they can relate to each other yet.

what little sharing Max has done with El has been mostly in brief unintentional(?) inferences that El didn't engage with ("happy screams" being a troubling insight into her home life, etc). and I see extremely little evidence that El has ever told Max or anyone else much about the lab.

their friendship in s3 is more about being kids and having fun together (which is not something shallow! they both need that so badly) and they have more of a mentor-mentee relationship in some ways. just when their friendship could be getting deep, they get separated which is horribly unfortunate.

I don't mean to paint Max as the giver and El as the taker - they're different things to each other. Max drops everything and immediately offers advice, friendship, and warmth to a girl who's previously been rude to her for no reason, expecting no apology and asking nothing in return. but El spends season 3 body-shielding Max from monsters, is there to hold Max when Billy dies, and moves mountains unasked to find/protect/save Max in 4. she is very much there for Max emotionally, just verbal/written communication isn't her strong suit, and that's especially hard in a long distance friendship where that's the only way you can communicate.

Lucas, on the other hand. he has the distinction of being the first person to make her feel accepted in an unfamiliar town, her first true friend in Hawkins or possibly ever, and I don't think that's overwritten by one shopping spree.

Max really opened up quite soon to Lucas considering her trust issues in season 2 and he made it a very positive experience for her. not much of substance happened between them in 3 but in 4, their relationship seems to have its greatest emotional depth ever despite being broken up, and she voiced her literal deepest darkest secrets and suicidal ideations in front of him. (El heard it too, but Max didn't actually consent to that, although I imagine she would have). Henry used Lucas for a vision, knowing her fears would hurt the worst coming from Lucas's mouth. Lucas is the first person Max mentioned she had already looked for when she went to Dustin's house to talk about what she saw, and that was before their reconciliation.

but now here's something to offend lumax tumblr as well: I don't think Max has been Lucas's best friend at any point so far.

am I forgetting a time he's told her anything about himself? a time she's complimented him? I can't think of a topic he's discussed seriously with her that didn't pertain to Max herself, their relationship, or upside down stuff. his best friend is still within the party - Mike or Will I bet.

I could absolutely see Lucas finding Max daunting to open up to, even before her depression in 4. the way she treats him in 3 doesn't give me the sense there's a whole lot of sharing or validation going on for Lucas. I'm not saying she's a bad girlfriend to him, but I am saying she must make him feel a lot less emotionally cared for than he does her, unless he's extremely aware that they have very different ways of showing love. Max really is nice and definitely would listen and care if he shared seriously (and she has shown him that, just not often or recently), but she definitely has an exterior you have to get past first and I wonder how much he tries to do that.

I assume their friendship/relationship had to have had more depth than what we actually saw onscreen but I feel like Lucas lets his feelings be easily swept under the rug when it comes to Max vs the boys. the "the lady is never wrong" policy he learns from his father may keep the peace, but it isn't healthy for the long term. and this may be a subset of that, but I think Lucas prioritizes Max's hardships above his own (that's gonna be huge for him in 5 and beyond - he got traumatized by what happened to Max too, but he won't be inclined to seek validation of that especially not from her).

while they both absolutely care and empathize, Max and Lucas's backgrounds and struggles aren't ones that each other can personally relate to much. Max doesn't know what it's like to get bullied for being black and Lucas doesn't know what it's like to grow up in a poor, broken, abusive home.

but while their childhoods looked drastically different too, El and Max actually could relate to a lot about each others' pasts. El wouldn't know much about being a child of divorce, but can relate to having an abusive big brother, to wanting to escape, to major trust issues and craving love, to refusing to grow up to be what her abusers want her to be. Max doesn't know what it's like to grow up in a lab, but she can relate to being a little girl unsafe in her own home, to having a hard-learned no snitching policy, to living with a bad man she's supposed to call dad whose abuse causes her sibling to abuse her in turn, to refusing to repeat that cycle.

El and Max have potential to have an incredibly deeply understanding mutual best friendship, and I think they will once they get a chance to spend some time together, process what just happened in 4, and open up to each other about more.

simply aging and maturing will contribute to this as well but I think what Max has learned in 4 will make her more emotionally available with Lucas (disregarding that in reality she'd probably close off more than ever after 4 but it's the last season and we don't have time for that) in fact she was already starting to open up to him more just before she died. I hope they don't rush the relationship aspect of lumax because their friendship is sososo important and deserves its own attention tbh. I want to see some mutual emotional sharing between them where Lucas's trauma isn't sidelined.

also El and Lucas, the combination with I'd say the least in common, absolutely must do some massive bonding over Max. I want the two who were slowest to warm up to each other as kids to be absolutely ride or die. the brot3 potential is there I just need everyone to communicate!

tl;dr: Max is El's best friend but El isn't Max's best friend, and Lucas is Max's best friend but Max isn't Lucas's best friend

#lucas sinclair #max mayfield #eleven #lumax #elumax but in a brot3 way #I MUST KNOW what is the status of el and max's communications in s4 #in other news I think will/mike and robin/steve are the only mutual best friendships on the show #all I ever hear on here is that mike is brushed off and never talks about his needs #but can I ask when lucas ever gets to talk about himself #long post #character analysis

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