#soc fluff

[aureliaporter]

creepy crawlies

summary: kaz has a mini heart attack and then discovers a tiny secret of yours.

a/n: literally meeee i’m so terrified of these thingies omg. also ty guys for all the love!! hope you’re all having very good days <3

cw: probably ooc kaz (haven’t read the books in months), soft!kaz, mentions of unaliving, spiders (shudders dramatically), x gn!reader

WHEN HE HEARD the scream, he swore his heart stopped. it seemed to echo throughout the crow club, the normal hubbub screeching to a halt.

within seconds, he was out of his chair, racing for the staircase. he didn't even feel the pain in his leg as he stumbled up the stairs, seized by fear. when he reached the door to his rooms, he didn’t even bother unlocking the door, instead bashing the handle with his cane and slamming the door open.

“(y/n)!” he cried, eyes searching the room frantically for any sign of you. when he saw you standing on the coffee table, holding your shoe like a projectile, he paused.

“.. (y/n)?” he asked, staring at you. “are you.. alright?”

you looked over from where you stood on the coffee table, eyes widening as you took in kaz’s panting form in the doorway. did he sprint here?

“of course! why wouldn’t i be?” you said, chuckling softly and brushing his worries off.

“then can i ask why you’re standing on my coffee table?” he asked, folding his arms. “and could you tell me who i just heard screaming?”

your lips tugged into a sheepish smile, shrugging. “can’t i stand where i want?” you asked, fiddling with the shoe in your hands. “and that was.. uh.. the.. the window!” you said, snapping your fingers together. “right, the window. it makes this horrid screeching sound, it likes trying to gouge my ears out,” you explained, chuckling nervously.

kaz looked unamused, sighing heavily through his nose. “should i give you a minute to get your story straight?” he asked, shooting you a glare. “i’ve heard matthias lie better.”

you shifted nervously under his glare, lowering your gaze. “sorry,” you whispered, your shoe still held tight in your grasp. “it’s just- you’re gonna laugh at me if i tell you the truth.”

you heard kaz sigh again, and then heard the clunk of his cane as he made his way towards you. a single gloved hand nudged your chin up a bit, making you look at him. “can you come down from there, and then we’ll talk?” he offered, trying to be patient with you. he was new to relationships, that much was certain, but he was trying his best.

you hesitated, turning to look at whatever you were waving your shoe at earlier. kaz noticed your distracted glance, his eyes following your gaze. “what is it?”

you felt your cheeks warm, turning back to him and focusing your eyes on his hair so you wouldn’t have to make eye contact. “promise you won’t get mad. or tell jesper. or inej. or nina. or matthias. or wylan. or anyone in general because if anyone finds out they’re never gonna let me live it down.”

you felt the cool leather of his glove close around your chin, tugging you down to make eye contact with him. “i promise,” he hummed, his coffee brown eyes searching your expression. “tell me the truth.”

you nodded, feeling your neck warm with an embarrassed flush. “w-well, i.. i may or may not have left the window open, and i may or may not have been reading on the armchair, and.. a.. a spider may or may not have dropped on my book,” you said, trailing off sheepishly. kaz nodded for you to continue, making you scowl lightly at him, not wanting to finish. “and.. i may.. or may not have.. freaked out.. the tiniest bit.”

kaz stared at you for several long seconds, as if attempting to process what exactly you’d just said. his lips parted several times as he attempted to say something, only to close again as he found nothing.

“you’re.. scared of spiders..?” he asked, taking a long glance at you. “you.. you’ve literally killed dozens of people, but you’re terrified of an eight-legged critter?”

you nodded sheepishly, ducking your head. after a beat, kaz chuckled, shaking his head.

“alright, i won’t tell anyone. but show me where it is? i’ll take care of it for you.”

you practically melted with relief, resisting the urge to hug kaz. you knew he wasn’t ready for that yet, but maybe one day. you pointed to where you’d thrown your book in terror earlier, the pages squished against the ground. you winced at how the book looked, feeling a twinge in your stomach at all the creased pages. you took a moment to mutter a prayer that the spider’s guts wouldn’t end up staining the pages.

kaz crossed to the book quickly, cane only clunking against the floor once. with the toe of his shoe, he flipped the book over. underneath it, a spider scrambled around, as if knowing the inevitable was coming and trying to escape. kaz put it out of its misery quickly, squashing it with the heel of his shoe before turning to you.

“the threat’s been neutralized.”

at the smirk in his tone, you shot a glare at him, folding your arms. “no need to make fun of me,” you grumbled. he merely snickered, bopping the top of your head with his hat, an odd but cute way he showed affection instead of touch.

“maybe there’s no need, but i very much want to,” he said, tapping your nose with the handle of his cane. “what, you’ll deny the bastard of the barrel his wishes?”

“if that same bastard doesn’t stop teasing me, then yes,” you said, nudging his cane away. you opened your mouth to add something else before hesitating, glancing at the mess of the room.

“what is it?” he asked, in tune to your expressions. you pursed your lips, fiddling with your fingers.

“i want to clean up, but i also feel a bit jumpy from.. that,” you said, referring to the spider. “like it’s siblings will drop out of nowhere.” you shuddered at the thought, not noticing the warm smile on kaz’s face that disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

“well, luckily for you, i happen to know a great place we can spend the night instead,” he said, using his cane to guide you out. he’d probably return later in the evening to clean the office, that way you wouldn’t end up worrying and fussing about it when you two returned the next day.

and, by the way, he kept his promise. but he did end up borrowing your lie about the shrieking window, shooting a glare at inej to keep quiet when she tried to speak. as far as she was concerned, the window she usually snuck in through and the window that had screeched were two completely different ones - even if he had only one window in his office.

badabwap :3 i have some arachnophobia so i deffo would react the same way as reader. also inej hush!! don’t make him tell the truth!! he promised reader!! and lies constantly either way!! anyways hope you guys enjoyed :) have a good night!!

[jahayla-parker]

hi! I was wondering if you could do Kaz with a tour her sister or something where he doesn’t want her to get hurt but she thinks that he thinks that she’s weak? (That sounded so confusing sorry) if you can’t it’s fine though. Don’t forget to drink water! And maybe take a little walk?

-🍁

Worrier and Warrior : Platonic/Sibling Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader

Part 1

Desc: Kaz’s little sister is the latest victim of Kaz’s lack of communication and transparency. This results in actions that cause even more tension between them. Will Kaz ever get over his toxic habits and be truthful with his sister or will it be too late?

Warnings: SoC type content and applicable warnings, including mentions of trauma, violence, sickness, injuries, death, etc.

Part Two Can Be Found Here

Both parts can be found here

Y/n groaned to herself as she sat in the chair across from Kaz’s desk. She’d had enough of his behavior lately. He’d been excluding her from heists and even refused to let her work nights at the Crow’s Club. Y/n knew her brother well enough to know there had to be a reason for his behavior. Kaz never did anything without thinking it through.

Kaz limped into the room exuding his annoyance, having had to follow his sister into his office. He did not want to talk. Much less talk about this matter. He had his reasons behind his behaviors and he didn’t feel he needed to explain them to her.

Yet, she’d snapped at her brother moments ago. She hasn’t intended on doing so, but she couldn’t help it. She felt excluded and unwanted thanks to Kaz’s actions. So, when he gave out shift assignments and once again left her off of it, she snapped and called him out on it. Kaz ordered her to head to his office, hence why they were both sitting in the dusty room in the attic.

Y/n stared silently at her brother as he sat down across from her. Kaz copied her and silently shook his head as his eyes glowered at her. Neither sibling spoke for awhile. It was only when y/n huffed and stood up to leave that Kaz elected to speak.

“You have nothing to say?” Kaz remarked, raising his right eyebrow at her.

Turning back to him, she glared, “you’re the one who ordered me to your office”.

“Because you raised your voice at me before my crew” Kaz argued, shifting his jaw.

Y/n laughed sarcastically, “I raised my voice before your crew?”

Kaz steepled his hands as he stared at her silently.

“First, you’re not my parent Kaz! You’re my older brother, but you’re not in charge of me” y/n huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

Kaz flinched faintly at the mention of their family. Y/n noticed and thought about apologizing. But, she knew that would only make him more mad. Besides, his immediate return to his dismissive body language removed any guilt she felt.

“Second, I am part of your crew! Yet, you treat me like I’m different” y/n pointed out, stepping closer to him.

Kaz tilted his head slightly to the left, “you are different”.

“Why? Because I’m your sister?” She groaned, throwing her head back.

“Younger sister” he corrected stoically.

She squinted at him as she returned to her seat before him, “so?”

“So you need to trust me. I am better equipped to handle these matters” he said confidently, an egotistical glimmer in his eyes. It made y/n want to reach across the table and punch it out.

“Just because you’re older? I can handle myself Kaz. Just last week I handled Guiblan and his crew by myself” y/n pointedly reminded him.

Kaz scoffed, leaning back in his seat dismissively. “Last week as in when you were stabbed during what should’ve been a simple task?” He remarked.

Y/n sank in her seat. She was suddenly weighed down with self-doubt and embarrassment. These weren’t often feelings that her brother made her feel. However, for that exact reason it felt extra heavy.

“Is that what this is about? That’s why I’m no longer assigned tasks or shifts?” She questioned quietly.

Her mind raced as she waited for his reply. It wasn’t like she tried to get hurt last week. Saints, she fought off numerous large men by herself even though no one else was supposed to even be there. She even still successfully completed her task. Yet, that wasn’t enough for him?

Kaz stayed silent. Instead of responding, he looked away from her. His eyes were now staring sharply at one of the cracks in his wall.

Y/n stood up to leave. “For the record, I was out numbered. Besides, there weren’t supposed to be any guards in the first place”.

“Not everything goes according to plan all the time” Kaz acknowledged with a small dismissive shrug.

Y/n bit her lip as her head lowered slightly at his comment. “I’m aware of that, but-“

“But, you weren’t able to handle it without getting injured” Kaz said, his eyes snapping back towards her. He quickly realized he almost revealed the real reason behind keeping y/n from being involved in any Crow or Dreg business. As such, he puffed his chest and added, “and then Nina had to waste her energy taking care of it and couldn’t work her next shift.”

Y/n balked, her already pale skin losing color. “Wasted her energy? Fuck you Kaz. I never asked for her to take care of my injury-“ y/n defended.

“You didn’t have to,” he snapped, slamming his gloved hands on table as he rose from his seat. “I take care of my Crows. This whole business doesn’t work without my investments operating at full capacity” Kaz reminded her.

She stated at Kaz silently for a second. Did he really just call his own sister an investment to his business? He was mad because she was utilizing too many resources? Resources she never asked for?

Y/n wasn’t sure what to say. But it didn’t matter. Because just as she opened her mouth to speak, Kaz interrupted.

“You were decommissioned for days and took Nina down with you. I cannot have that” he said, much more calmly this time. However, there was still a burning anger to his eyes.

“The others get hurt too Kaz, why am I the one needing to apologize for it?” Y/n questioned. She was hoping there was something she was missing. After all, if she were only an investment like the others, why was she being targeted by him?

Kaz once again broke eye contact. His gaze drifted to his cluttered desk this time. “I needed more from you” He said simply.

Y/n squinted, “tell me what you want and I’ll do it”. She didn’t understand what was happening. If her brother needed something from her, he would always just tell her. Why did that change?

“You cannot do it” Kaz stated emotionlessly.

Was that what it was? He was mad not just because she was utilizing too many resources. But because she was utilizing too many resources while not contributing enough in exchange?

Even more than that, he didn’t think she could? Kaz wasn’t an idiot. So was she truly that weak and incompetent? Y/n hadn’t thought so, but maybe she was wrong. “Ka-“ She began, hoping to clear the air.

“Y/n, listen to me. I know what I can and cannot assign you” He said dismissively, shaking his head in frustration.

She stared at the side of his face as he actively ignored her. There was suddenly this defeated heaviness settling into her chest. She took a deep breath before reluctantly asking one of the pressing questions in her mind. “So I’m done with it all?” Y/n questioned.

“If there are tasks I think you can handle, then I will inform you of such. Until then, drop this attitude” Kaz ordered.

She shook her head. The action mostly for herself over her disbelief; after all, he still wasn’t looking at her. “What do you expect me to do in meantime?” Y/n sighed.

Kaz groaned as he ran a leather glove covered hand through his tousled hair. “I don’t care. Read. Have a music session with Wylan. Saints, maybe have Inej or Jesper train you to handle fights.” He remarked, eyes flickering up to her frame.

Kaz watched as she visibly sank. Y/n shrunk in both posture and confidence right before his eyes. And then she was gone. It was all his fault; he knew that.

He even felt a morsel of guilt and regret over it. But that diminished when he recalled seeing his younger sister bleeding from a stab wound. Y/n had gotten the injury because of him. But that wouldn’t happen again. It couldn’t.

Kaz couldn’t let it happen again. He wasn’t sure if he could survive that. Sure, y/n had healed fine. But, it very easily could’ve ended in her death instead. That was something Kaz would do whatever necessary to prevent.

He’d lost his older brother Jordie. He couldn’t lose his younger sister as well. He loved and cherished her too much. Kaz and y/n had always been close.

They were both little when Jordie passed. All three siblings had gotten sick; but only two survived. His brother’s death tore apart almost every aspect of Kaz’s life. All the way down to his morals and life’s motivation. Yet, he didn’t let it tear his relationship with his little sister away.

Kaz had fought to keep himself and y/n alive ever since that day. Y/n had always looked up to Kaz. And while his behaviors changed drastically after Jordie’s death, hers didn’t. She continued to look up to Kaz and tried to be like him. That infuriated Kaz at first, until he realized it was the one thing that would truly keep her safe.

Yet, when she was stabbed last week, that notion evaporated. Kaz knew who was responsible. And he knew why they did it. He’d pissed off the wrong person.

Well, to Kaz there was no such thing. But when it came to getting his sister involved, that was different. She wasn’t supposed to be connected to or impacted by his actions. Yet, that night he’d sent her off on an errand only for her to come back bleeding because of him.

Kaz knew his words tonight made y/n think he saw her as weak. He also knew she took everything he said to her or thought of her to heart. He hated being the reason she now believed she wasn’t strong enough.

But, he told himself it was best this way. She’d likely not push as hard when he refused to let her attend heists or deny her shifts at the club. Both of which he needed to do to keep her safe. To keep her alive. To keep the last piece of himself afloat and alive.

“Kaz, that makes no sense” y/n argued.

It had only taken a few hours for y/n to decide she was going to prove Kaz wrong. Last night she’d elected to show him she wasn’t weak. That she was capable of contributing and keeping up with the others.

Therefore, when she overheard the plans for the crows to meet with Evrin Golding, a wealthy merchant, she tried to convince Kaz to let her join them. Much to Kaz’s dismay. However, he abruptly shut that down with a vague excuse as to why she couldn’t go.

“I don’t need to explain myself to you” Kaz sighed, grabbing his hat from the coat rack by his door.

Y/n huffed and glares at him. He was being so difficult. How could she prove herself if he wouldn’t let her go? “Yes, you do. Because I deserve to go. Plus you could use an extra set of eyes” she smirked.

Kaz rolled his eyes, “you’re not going.”

“That’s irrational and you know it” y/n argued weakly.

Her brother merely surged as he put his hat on, “clearly it runs in the family”.

She groaned and walked until she was blocking the door with her body, “Kaz,-“.

“You’re not going. I don’t want or need you there. End of discussion” Kaz spat.

Y/n frowned and stepped aside. She hadn’t expected herself to cave so quickly. Especially when she had the upper hand by blocking the door. Yet, Kaz’s words stung more than she’d expected.

It had only been a few moments of sulking in her self loathing before she ventured outside. Y/n knew where the meeting was to take place. So while Kaz may not have allowed her to go with, he couldn’t stop her from following after them. Sure it was somewhat childish, but it was the option she was left with if she didn’t want to just accept Kaz’s analysis of her.

Y/n quietly lowered herself to the ground beside Inej. They laid on their bellies atop an old abandoned building just outside of the Barrel. Inej of course had heard y/n coming, but the others hadn’t. As such, y/n allowed herself to get comfortable on the rooftop before watching the scene below.

“I tried to get him to let you come” Inej whispered as the wind whipped past them. It was just loud enough for y/n to hear before the wind carried the sound behind them; away from the others below.

Y/n smiled to herself as she whispered a grateful thank you to her friend. She was pleased to know at least Inej didn’t find her too weak to take part in tonight’s activities. However, it seemed even Inej couldn’t convince y/n’s older brother of her strength.

Y/n and Inej made hushed small talk as they watched from a distance. It was mostly about their latest events in their lives outside of the tasks they did for Kaz. Y/n knew Inej was trying to keep her mind off the fact y/n’s brother thought she was too weak to be here. It helped some; it always helped to talk with Inej.

However, a small disagreement between her brother and their contact easily caught her attention. Y/n and Inej immediately silenced in order to listen closer. They shared a knowing look as Kaz’s attitude only worsened the situation.

Y/n smirked to herself when she realized she could help Kaz. She knew she’d be able to not only help him get out unharmed, but also still complete the task at hand. Kaz was great at reading people. So he had to know how his behavior was worsening the situation.

But Y/n knew when it came to Pekka, Kaz’s vision blurred. This man Kaz was trying to get intel from was part of Pekka’s crew and could be yanking his chain.

Of course y/n hated Pekka with her entirety as well. But, she was able to separate his crew from him. They hadn’t been there. It didn’t mean she liked them, but rather could tolerate them just long enough to handle the task without her emotions taking over. Part of it had to do with her dissociating from her emotions and traumas; but it worked. At least for matters like this. Matters in which her remaining older brother’s fury blinded him and endangered his life. She wouldn’t lose another brother, and certainly not at the hands of Pekka again. So she’d mastered over the years how to not let Pekka or his crew impact her the way it did Kaz. It wasn’t healthy for her as she had to dismiss her traumatic experiences. But, it kept Kaz from taking it too far and getting killed in his search for revenge.

“Excuse me, I have to go make a scene." Y/n whispered to Inej. She slowly rose from the ground and walked to the far end of the building. It would be best if she acted like she stumbled upon the two of them. Kaz wouldn’t believe it for a second, but the Dime Lion easily would if she did it right.

“Y/n, I wouldn’t cross Kaz. His sister or not, no one crosses him” Inej warned, looking over her shoulder at y/n. She sighed when she saw the determined look in y/n’s eyes. It was the same look Kaz got when he was set firmly on a decision he’d made.

“Well, what can I say? I'm a badass." She winked as she jumped down from the back of the building. Y/n quickly made her way around the building to join the scene she’d witnessed from above. She noticed the way the Dime Lion grinned at her as his eyes scanned her body.

She also noticed how livid her brother was. Of course she did, he was practically steaming. Anyone could see how Kaz’s eyes bore into her as he watched her approach. But, she ignored his unspoken order to leave.

“Hi, I’m y/n” y/n greeted, smiling innocently as she stood before their contact.

Kaz remained by her side, his hand tight on the crows head of his cane. If he hadn’t wanted to kill the Dime Lion earlier, he certainly did now. He despised y/n ignoring him and following him out here. But he could have killed the man before him for falling for y/N’s faux innocent play. Especially when the man kept checking her out.

“Well hello there beautiful, I’m Dan-“ the contact began, extending his hand towards y/n.

Kaz cut him off by swinging his cane down between them and shook his head. “Your name does not matter. Nor do her looks. We are here for one thing-“ Kaz barked.

“What my brother means to say,” y/n forced a giggle, “is that I could really use some help from you”.

This was one of the ways y/n and her brother Kaz differed greatly. Kaz refused to show weakness, even if it was fake. Y/n however, didn’t mind pretending. She knew better than to show her true weakness(es). But she was willing to utilize faux ones.

After all, y/n knew she men -especially those in Ketterdam- saw women as far weaker. While y/n knew she could easily take most of these men by herself, she saw their ignorance as a tool. It made it a lot easier to get someone off guard if they let their own guard down due to thinking she was merely a weak girl.

However, she was now wondering if that’s why Kaz saw her the same way. Did he fall for her pretend innocence and ignorance? How could he have? Did he still see her as the little girl she was before they lost Jordie?

She had to push these thoughts aside and refocus on the current moment. Y/n forced on a tender smile as she waited for the man to respond.

He seemed to be intelligent enough to not fall for it immediately. However, as he looked back over at y/n’s ‘shy’ body language, he caved. “Of course darling, I was just telling your brother that I’d love to help. Especially for a damsel like yourself” the man smiled, pretending he hadn’t been arguing with Kaz moments ago.

Kaz’s grip on his cane tightened dangerously. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he snapped off the crows head at the top of the cane. It was all Kaz could do to get himself to silently go along with y/n’s fake storyline. It was all he could do to control his brotherly protectiveness. It was all Kaz could do to not kill the man where he stood.

To say Kaz was pissed would be a grave understatement. Yet, no one could truly find the right word to describe his current state. He stood rigid, his sharp eyes burning holes in y/n’s. The tension in the air palpable.

Kaz had ignored her the entire return to the slat. He refused to go off on her in the streets where others could see or hear. He didn’t need anyone knowing how much she mattered to him. How much her actions and safety swayed him.

As such, he kicked everyone out of the slat as they returned. Well, everyone but his crows. He’d ordered them out but didn’t have enough focus or concern to force them to leave. They already knew how Kaz was with his sister anyways.

This meant the crows all stood silently as they watched in anxious anticipation. While Inej had been the only one to have seen what happened, it wasn’t hard to piece it together. The crows knew stubbornness ran in the Brekker family. So they knew it was only a matter of time before y/n pissed Kaz off by disobeying his latest orders for her.

Kaz tried to control his anger towards his sister. He could feel the raging fury alive and consuming inside of him. But he didn’t want to be mad at her much less act out against her (especially if it was only due to said emotions). Yet, as the scene replayed in his mind, he felt panic merge with his anger.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Kaz spat, stalking closer to where she sat.

Jesper’s eyes widened as he watched his friends nervously. “Kaz, man, maybe-“ he awkwardly interjected. His goal was to calm Kaz down before he said something he’d regret. But his interruption only resulted in him getting chewed out as well.

The crows froze in their places as they listened to the loud bickering between y/n and Kaz. They weren’t sure what to have expected. The siblings disagreed from time to time, but this was something very different. To make matters worse, both of them were stubborn and angry. That wasn’t a good mix in anyone, but much less in a Brekker.

“I told you I cannot rely on you” Kaz stated, adding another insult to the mix he’d already thrown her way tonight. He refused to look at her as he said it. But, he kept his head high and voice loud and authoritative nonetheless.

Y/n shook her head at him as she took a deep breath. It wasn’t that this comment was worse than the others. But she’d had enough. Y/n may have acted out of an attempt to prove herself, but she also did it to protect him. Yet, he still shouted insults at her.

She once again found herself feeling ashamed and weak. Y/n might have no problem pretending to be these things to get people to do what she wanted. But that didn’t mean she wanted people to actually believe them. Much less her fellow crows. Much less her brother. And much less herself.

Y/n quietly stood and turned to head to bed before her emotions could show. She heard Kaz ordering her to stay where she was. But, what was one more disappointment from her?

Y/n had barely made it to her room before she broke down. She locked her door and slid down the thin wood until her butt hit the floor. Maybe Kaz was right. Maybe she was too weak to handle this. After all, here she was, practically sobbing over an argument with her brother.

Kaz entered her room later that night. By then, she’d composed herself and removed any signs of her heartbreak. Which was good because he’d only come to lecture her further.

Y/n spaced off early on into his latest speech about how she had let him down. She didn’t care to hear it anymore. It hurt and she was furious that Kaz was the one hurting her.

As Kaz went to continue venting his annoyance, he noticed she seemed distant. Furrowing his brows, he asked "Are you even listening to me?"

Y/n let her eyes return to focus, and shook her head. “No, but you don’t want me to be” she admitted, clicking her tongue.

Kaz growled quietly, “Hmm and why is that?”

"I will break your nose if you keep talking about how weak I am. I’ve heard it enough” she explained, looking away from his intense stare.

Kaz saw the pain flickering in her eyes despite her response. He sighed and took a long deep breath before speaking. His tone was much less harsh as he told her, “I did not say you are weak”.

Y/N’s eyes snapped back to him, annoyance overtaking her pain. “Not directly, but you still did” she argued.

“What do you want from me? To coddle you and your feelings?” Kaz retorted. Guilt hit him instantly but he held his ground. He would ignore his guilt if it meant keping y/n safe.

“Why are you treating me like I’m your enemy and not a friend?” Y/n whispered, her voice soft again.

“You’re not my friend y/n” Kaz groaned. He hated the way her face fell even more at his words. But, this was what needed to be done.

“You’re right, I’m your sister. That’s worse” she acknowledged, her voice cracking.

Kaz wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want to make her feel worse. But, he also couldn’t apologize. So, he leaned against her desk silently.

“Get out” y/n ordered meekly.

While Kaz debated ignoring her, he decided against it. He could see how defeated his sister was. So, while he wouldn’t act on his guilt and apologize, he could at least offer her some space. Kaz glanced back at her one more time before leaving her room.

“Aren’t you in a cheery mood” Jesper teased sarcastically as y/n rolled her eyes yet again when Kaz was speaking.

“I have a right to be angry." Y/n retorted, shaking her head.

“Could you be any more annoying?” Kaz asked as he stopped reading off his list of today’s assignments.

Y/n glared across the room at him, “Excuse me?”

Kaz rolled his eyes back at her. “You heard me y/n” he stated calmly. “You’re making us go in circles. We’ve been over this. You’re not taking part in any of the Crows’ or Dregs’ tasks unless I say so” Kaz reminded her. “So stop interrupting the meeting with your infuriatingly annoying emotions” he ordered.

“Kaz,” Inej sighed, shaking her head at him as she gave him a knowing look.

Jesper bravely jumped in again as Kaz glared at Inej. “Y/n has been training with Inej and I, daily. She’s great” Jesper informed him. He watched as y/n nodded in acknowledgment of the training sessions they’d had the last few weeks.

Y/n noticed how Kaz froze and seemed to be pondering Jesper’s remark. “Told you, I’m not weak” she huffed, sending him a glare.

“Y/n, I-“ Kaz sighed, shaking his head.

“Just let me come, I can keep up” y/n pleaded, sitting up straight thanks to Jesper’s compliment.

Kaz took a deep breath. “No” he responded defiantly.

“But Kaz,-“ y/n argued, leaning forward in her seat.

“No” was all he responded with again as he shook his head.

“Come on, you know I am not too weak for this life. Admit I’m right” y/n said. Part of her was teasing in hopes he’d loosen up some. But the other part of her wanted him to say she wasn’t weak. She was still struggling with her own belief on the topic and needed him to clarify it for her.

“I will do not such thing” Kaz said.

Y/n chose to ignore the clenching of her chest and lungs at his refusal. Instead, she reminded herself that he never liked to give others compliments. But there was one thing he hated more. As such, she pressed her luck by responding, “Fine, then admit you’re wrong”.

“No” he groaned, dismissing her with that one word sentiment again.

Y/n threw her hands in the air dramatically. “Quit acting like this you stupid wet sock” she sighed. Y/n could hear the quiet laughter of the crows over the unusual insult. But she knew Kaz would pick up on it.

Y/n hated wet socks and Kaz knew that. She’d hated them ever since she was old enough to say so. It was her final straw when the orphaned siblings had found themselves out on the streets of Ketterdam. She couldn’t handle the feeling on her feet and the cold nights only made it worse. In fact, she had verbally blamed the wet socks for the three of them having caught the illness that took Jordie from them.

So, while it seemed like a humorously random insult to the Crows, Kaz was actually impacted by it. He knew it hadn’t been her intention to bring his mind back to that night. Much less to insult him by calling him the one thing she blamed for what happened. Kaz knew she’d never do that, even if she were furious with him.

But, that didn’t mean he was able to keep it from impacting him or his response. He glared across his desk at her before walking to the door. “You’re staying here! It's better for everyone!” Kaz shouted as he angrily walked out.

Y/n once again elected to ignore Kaz. She was determined to prove him wrong. Y/n was also determined to prove to herself she could handle it. As a result, she was once again on a sketchy rooftop with Inej.

The girls silently watched the scene below. In which Kaz was pretending to bargain with the merchant. The plan was for Nina to pickpocket the merchant while Kaz and Jesper had him distracted.

It all seemed to be going according to plan at first. However, that quickly changed when one of the merchant’s men noticed and let out a calling sound. Suddenly, twelve armed men appeared, surrounding Kaz and Jesper.

The sharpshooter had drawn his pistols but was waiting on a sign from Kaz to pull the trigger. However, Kaz calmly shifted his gaze up to the rooftop instead. Y/n flattened herself out even further, hiding behind the ledge of the roof. Inej gave her a soft giggle as she rose to join Kaz.

Once Kaz saw Inej caught his signal, he finally gave Jesper his. Within seconds the trade meeting erupted into a battle. Y/n wanted to go down and help, but she still feared that Kaz might be right. If he was and she went down there, she’d only make it worse.

So she remained steady on the rooftop. Her eyes danced over the chaos, checking everyone’s safety. That was when she saw her brother had been knocked down. Kaz was struggling to return to his feet when a gun was placed against the back of his head.

Y/n didn’t hesitate any longer. She flung her quiver over her shoulder, grabbing a single arrow before setting the quiver beside her. As she loaded the arrow into her bow, she took a deep breath and stared intently at her target.

Kaz looked up from the ground and over to where the arrow had come from. His eyes narrowed as he saw his sister on the roof. Despite his orders to stay at the Slat. Kaz shook his head as his relief quickly changed into anger.

“Nice shot” Jesper grinned, slinging his arm over y/n’s shoulder after she’d made her way down to them.

“Y/n,” Nina smiled, “glad you could join us!”

Y/n smiled back and shrugged, “Well, it’s more like I crashed the party, since I wasn’t invited, but-“.

”You weren't invited because no one wanted you to come." Kaz spat, staring her down.

“I just saved your life Kaz-“ y/n argued, waving her arm around to the now-dead bodies on the street.

Kaz shook his head and gritted his teeth. “You just risked my life and everyone else’s” he replied.

“Excuse me? He’s dead, he was going to kill you. I handled it” y/n pointed out in disbelief. She’d literally taken someone’s life to keep him safe and he was still mad?

Kaz remained angry. “You weren’t to be here. You risked everyone’s safety by throwing the plan off” he rebutted. He knew it wasn’t entirely true and that it might sound like a stretch even to his Crows. But he hoped y/n would focus on his need to be in charge of the plans at all times.

“Having a gun pointed to your head while knocked on the ground was part of the plan?!” Y/n snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Y/n” Kaz warned, his voice clipped.

She shook her head, “No, if you don’t want me throwing off the plan then just include me to start with”.

“How many times must I tell you no?” Kaz groaned, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

“Until it makes sense!” She retorted, smirking at him confidently.

Kaz moved his hand back down and laid it over his other on top of his cane. “It does make sense! You were not included because I did not want you here. You are more of a risk than you are helpful.” He told her, eyes staring at her abdomen as he spoke.

“So you killed the man, good for you, who cares? “ Kaz asked rhetorically. He regretted that remark as he knew killing someone wasn’t something y/n took lightly. But, Kaz nonetheless continued to berate her for risking herself. “If you were here from the start, it would’ve been worse. You’re a weakness and liability. When will you comprehend that?” Kaz huffed.

“Is that truly how little you think of me?" Y/n asked, her voice weak and shallow.

Kaz felt himself wanting to give in and confess the reality behind his anger. To express that he didn’t see her as weak, but still worried about her being taken from him. But, he wouldn’t let himself. He merely nodded even though it weren’t one hundred percent true.

“Fine. I comprehend that” y/n stated emotionlessly as she turned around and left.

Kaz sighed in relief that the conversation was over. He had the feeling this time he finally got through to her. Her dejected response and giving up on the argument suggested such.

Kaz had assumed y/n went back to The Crow’s Club or the Slat when she left the scene earlier that night. As such, when he arrived, he sent Inej to check on her state. He knew his Crows were all judging him for having said the things he did to her. But, he only asked Inej to check on her because he wanted to know she had made it back safely, not because he was going to apologize.

Kaz was sitting in his office, resting his head in his hands. He was nursing a headache and his leg was brutally assaulting him with pain. Yet, his mind couldn’t stop thinking about how to keep y/n from trying to dismiss his orders again. He couldn’t face losing her. But what levels would he go to if it meant hurting her along the way?

Before he’d had time to analyze that question, Inej entered his room. He glanced up from his hands and squinted at her. She seemed concerned which set him on high alert. “Well?” Kaz asked impatiently.

“She’s not here” Inej whispered, wincing as he watched fear flash through his eyes.

“What do you mean she’s not here?” Kaz asked sharply.

“She’s not here Kaz, it’s straightforward” Inej remarked, “she must have headed elsewhere”.

Kaz stiffly breathed in and out through his flared nostrils. “Go” he ordered. “Find her” Kaz clarified, closing his eyes.

Inej falteted. She wasn’t sure bothering y/n was the best solution. Inej also doubted Kaz would respond well to y/n when she got back from wherever she’d gone off to. “Kaz-“ she drawled.

“Find her and bring her ho-“ Kaz coughed. “-back here” he corrected, eyes still squeezed shut.

Inej silently nodded and left to track down her friend.

Part Two Here

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[byeol-ssi]

nothing more, nothing less

Kaz Brekker was acquainted with different monsters. Those wrapped in expensive silk and bathed in sickening perfume. Those who spouted beautiful lies, enticing unwitting men into their dens. Those with hands stained crimson, preying on children and fools alike. His reflection on a mirror.

But the green-eyed beast proved to be a terrifying match.

Or, Kaz gets jealous.

✦ kaz brekker x gn!reader | grishaverse

✦ tags: jealous kaz, lieutenant!reader, (kind of?) enemies to lovers, set sometime after the events of crooked kingdom

"Brekker."

"Darling," KAZ drawled without looking up at your arrival, his tone more mocking than affectionate. "You're two bells late. Do you have the—"

A roll of parchment zipped through the air, landing in the middle of his desk with startling accuracy and ruining the neatly arranged blueprints spread atop it.

"I told you to quit calling me that," you muttered darkly. "One of these days, I'll really cut off your tongue."

He huffed, concealing his amusement. He enjoyed calling you all sorts of endearments after discovering how easily they riled you up.

There are times when Kaz allowed himself to feel, to act, like a boy again. Reconcile with a distant past, one that echoed Jordie's voice and carried the smell of fresh grass.

This was one of them. Similar to a child, Kaz reveled in your attention. Regardless if they came as threats, insults, or downright disdain.

He'd swallow a bullet first than ever admit it, though.

"How terrifying," he said, unfazed, and made swift work of straightening out the floor plan you brought him.

Silence fell, interrupted only by the soft shuffling of papers. From the corner of his eye, he noticed you shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

Normally, Kaz would come up with some sort of excuse to make you stay, but it seemed that something was on your mind.

And so, he waited.

You cleared your throat. "Do you need anything else?"

No, but thank you. You did well. Please, get some rest, his thoughts supplied. He ignored them. Instead, he simply settled on, "No."

His movements stilled. The question was unusual, especially coming from you.

"Nothing more, nothing less," you had once told him, seated on the ledge of a stadwatch tower that overlooked Ketterdam's shores. He'd nodded in agreement back then, mesmerized by the early sunlight that caressed your face.

You lived by the old saying for as long as Kaz has known you. After all, when you grew up in the Barrel, you'd learned early on that acting out of the goodness of one's heart only left a person broken. Penniless. Or worse, dead.

As such, you weren't the type to seek additional assignments without an offer beforehand. The fact that you had gone out of your way to ask was... suspicious.

His eyes finally flicked to yours. He could never afford to look at you for too long, as it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to stop once he started.

He cocked his head to the side and searched your gaze. "Why?"

You blinked, clearly caught off guard. He rarely indulged you in idle conversation or pried into your affairs.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Because despite everything you've been through together, this was the nature of your relationship too. Neither of you tried to change it, even after every scar he unraveled and laid at your feet.

Even after numerous nights spent confined in his office, shoulders almost, but never brushing one another as you pored over schemes for hours.

Even after repeatedly saving each other's necks and during the intimate silences that followed when the adrenaline wore off. Moments taut with charged tension, heaving breaths, and unspoken truths.

"I've got plans," you explained rather cryptically.

"Plans? Has someone else hired you for a job? I hope you don't forget that you belong to—"

"No, someone asked me out on a date."

Me, insisted the voice in his head, rich with desperation. You belong to me.

Kaz scoffed in disbelief. "A date? In Ketterdam?"

Fear clawed its way up his throat, determined to make itself known. It warred with another emotion he was too proud to name.

This... feeling was absurd. Sentimental. Kaz was no stranger to loss.

The seas granted Inej her freedom. A new chapter awaited Jesper and Wylan. Nina stumbled upon a second chance at love. Matthias found peace.

Yet, deep down, each farewell left him a little more empty than the last.

You were bound to Ketterdam only by virtue of being the Dreg's sole lieutenant. In truth, nothing else was preventing you from leaving.

Leaving him.

After promoting you, a tiny seed of guilt buried itself in his cold, wretched heart when he realized he held you back. That he never gave you the opportunity to pursue your dreams. Your position forced you to assume several roles, to fill in the shoes the others had given up.

But his greed outweighed his guilt and Kaz was a selfish man indeed.

The mere idea that someone could whisk you away from him brought forth a hateful bitterness from within.

"Where is the unfortunate fellow taking you?" he asked, keeping his voice deceptively calm.

You narrowed your eyes, ignoring the jibe. "It's a quaint little bar called 'none of your business.'"

Nothing more, nothing less. The phrase taunted him now. The green-eyed monster inside him rattled his ribcage ferociously, driving him to boast.

He curled his fingers around the desk's edge tightly. "Funny. I run the entirety of the Barrel, and I don't recall an establishment operating under that name."

"I'll have you know that he actually owns the place he's bringing me to," you snapped defensively.

Good, good. More information.

"And how long have you known each other?"

You shrugged. "A few weeks."

The answer relieved him somewhat. His possessiveness ebbs, its rhythm steady, before it swelled again, rising with the current of his emotions. One should always be more sure of everything. He'd learned that the hard way.

"And he's aware of who you truly are?" Kaz pressed on. "Of what you do?"

There were only a handful of possibilities. The person could have ulterior motives for approaching you. It wasn't unlikely, considering your power was only second to his.

Perhaps it was a spiteful soul he'd wronged, plotting to take advantage of you and get revenge on him.

On the other hand, there was also a chance that they weren't privy to your true identity. He couldn't blame anyone for wanting you but it was common knowledge whispered in the streets that Kaz Brekker was a man unwilling to share.

Anyone who didn't heed that advice and went against it anyway was just recklessly bold. Or stupid. The Barrel never seemed to run out of those.

This time, you broke away from his gaze. "It doesn't matter." You sniffed, feigning indifference.

The person didn't know then, he surmised. You probably met him during one of your undercover assignments, disguised and masquerading around with an alias.

Sensing his disapproval, you attempted to defend your date-to-be by adding, "He's kind. Sweet. Honest."

Everything he was not. The words, sharp as glass, ripped him apart. Crushed him with an overwhelming weight of sorrow.

"It seems naive of you to form an impression of him in such a short amount of time," he said through gritted teeth.

Pretending as if he didn't care should have been easy for him. Right now, all his years of experience in perfecting that charade were useless.

You rolled your eyes. "Not everyone is cynical and distrusting of the world like you. People can be good, Brekker."

And you deserved everything good and more. Better people could love you, he knew.

Someone who would not flinch every time you drew near. Someone who would freely kiss away your every fear.

Kaz had survived gunshots. Knife wounds. Sickness, nightmares, and grief. But the very thought of someone else soaking in your warmth was an ache he could not bear.

He felt the words scorching his tongue, his demons voicing them with unbridled cruelty. "There is a difference between being cautious and acting like a love-sick fool!"

Your eyes widened in shock, hardening in anger a second later; then they softened with disappointment, and all Kaz could see was the reflection of himself, a frenzied animal. A blown fuse. Inhumanely hollow.

He opened his mouth to speak, beg for your forgiveness, but you had already turned and walked away.

"I'll come back when you aren't hissing at me like a wet cat," you said, slamming the door behind you.

Kaz clenched his gloved hands into aching fists and hung his head, trying not to think of how jealous the idea of another man made him.

He wasn't too late. Dealing with his emotions was uncharted territory for him but scheming came as effortlessly as he breathed.

Kaz never lost a fight and he wasn't about to start now. Even if he needed to play dirty. His greed outweighed his guilt and he wasn't called Dirtyhands for nothing.

"Brekker!"

Kaz had just finished speaking with another gang member, Roeder, when he heard the heavy stomp of your footsteps, followed by the frustrated yell of his name. You appeared on the stairway landing soon after, rage thundering in your wake.

"You're dismissed." Kaz waved to Roeder. His eyes shifted to you momentarily and cast Kaz a wary glance. Not wanting to get caught in the crossfire, he scurried off, slipping past the both of you.

Kaz began to ascend the stairs, you trailing behind him. He could sense that you were shooting daggers at the back of his head, probably cursing him out silently.

"You're back early," he finally said once you entered his office. He circled back to the same place you'd left him hours earlier and sat in his chair. "How'd the date go?"

You stormed closer, wedging yourself between him and the desk, stopping him from hiding behind the pretense of work.

"You know exactly how it went," you snarled.

In spite of your anger, you remembered to maintain your distance. Not once have you commented on his aversion to skin-to-skin contact, though he was certain you harbored your own questions.

"I'm afraid I don't, darling." He raised his chin to hold your gaze, his expression carefully blank. A tailored mask. "I wasn't there."

"You had him taken by the Dregs." The hurt on your face was unmistakable, enough for Kaz to feel a tad remorseful.

It was hardly sufficient, though. Screw righteousness, old habits die hard. "Ah, I had no idea he was your date," he lied again.

"Bullshit."

"But, what I do know is that he laundered money from our coffers and forced children into building the same tavern you were just in."

Kaz went over records of the jobs you'd accomplished in the last two months. After connecting the dots, he successfully identified your date and paid Roeder to look into his background. It was pure luck that the man was a merchant who managed to con Kaz's old boss.

Pulling the strings for his capture was practically child's play. Not that he'd ever tell you that.

Your fury dissipated, replaced by defeat that slumped your shoulders. "You were right," you said quietly, avoiding his eye once more. "I'm sorry."

Kaz rose from his chair and stepped forward. Taken by surprise, you backed away instinctively, only to find yourself trapped by the desk now digging into your hip.

"Let me make it up to you," he spoke with an unfamiliar softness. It almost sounded wrong.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. "What?"

"I ruined your evening. I could have ordered the others to seize him after you finished dinner."

But I didn't want him to walk you home. Wrap his coat around your shoulders. Kiss you goodnight at the Slat's doorstep. Kaz would've probably loaded his pistol at the sight. Broken every limb that touched you with his cane.

You snorted. "Okay. Are you going to give me whatever we steal next? Increase my cut?"

"No, although we can discuss it another time. I'm inviting you out on a date."

You blinked once. Twice. Slowly, you said, "Brekker, you ask someone out when you like them."

His lips pulled into the slightest frown, mildly impatient. "I know."

"You don't like me."

"Whoever put that silly idea in your head?"

"You did. You don't like anyone."

"I may not be the best at showing it, but you know that there are exceptions to that rule," he argued. "Especially when it comes to you."

He continued to lean over you, ignoring the pressure of panic beating against the walls of his chest from the proximity.

"You called me an idiot," you countered. You refused to move a muscle, most likely out of consideration for him, but he closed the distance himself.

He dipped his head further. "Again, I never said that."

"Fine," you conceded, sounding fond. "You implied that I was an idiot."

"I'll be kinder from now on," he promised. "I can try to be sweet, if you give me time and chance to learn. And I'm being honest right now."

Nothing he could do would ever atone for his sins. But although he was renowned as the Bastard of the Barrel, he was prepared to do it right by you.

Hesitantly, you raised a hand. Every inch of his flesh wanted to turn itself inside out, but every bone in his body yearned for your touch.

A quivering sigh escaped his throat as you reached for his cheek, your fingers warm and gentle on his skin.

He braced himself for the familiar scent of death. The ocean. He willed himself to focus on the details that made your face. The line of your jaw to your ear. The slope of your nose. The curve of your lips, hanging onto them as if his life depended on it.

It did, in a way.

"Your answer?" he rasped, suppressing a shiver.

You dragged your thumb against his skin in a delicate but paralyzingly manner and whispered, "I accept."

He had never been held with such tenderness before. Your touch made him feel like he was somewhere else, far from the memories that haunted him.

Growing concerned, you attempted to withdraw your hand but Kaz grasped your wrist before you fully could. He steadied himself with your pulse, each beat, each hymn, anchoring him to the present.

He was here. With you. In his office. Nothing in the world could hurt him.

Eventually, he slid his own gloved hand so that your palms pressed together. Your lashes fluttered and you asked, "Is this really happening? Are we really going on a date?"

He hummed in affirmation. "And I'll do it properly."

Seriously, who in their right mind would bring you to that side of Ketterdam? He took the sealed envelope containing your dinner reservation from inside his coat and handed it to you.

"Thank you." Your mouth curved into a shy smile. "And for the record... you don't have to be anything else other than yourself."

"Ruthless, callous, and dishonest cheat?" His voice held a hint of insecurity, betraying his attempted nonchalance. It was a question hauled from the inner depths of his soul, the boy inside him who wondered if he could ever be worthy of love.

"You forgot insufferable," you teased, although your earnest gaze belied the lightness of your tone. He knew you could see right through him. "But, yes. Just you, Kaz. Nothing more. Nothing less."

At that moment, Kaz knew you would be his salvation and destruction. You could shatter his heart and every single piece would still cry out for your name.

He squeezed your hand. Soon, he'll make you, and everyone else in the Barrel, realize that he had no intentions of ever letting you go.

✦ byeol’s notes: new year, new fandom ?!

✦ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank you so, so much in advance! <3

[sweetestofchaos]

Chell 💜 I hope I’m not too late 👀 could I get Jungkook x reader with #13. linking hands together during sex from prompt list 2

I miss him so much 😭

Like I would ever say no to you 😆 but, you aren't late at all. I don't know when I'll call these drabble requests off...I know they won't stay open too long 'cause no one has really sent anything in. You are the fourth (probably the last) person to request something.

You know I love me some JK...so let's go!

being close to you is still not close enough

p. jungkook x reader

r. 18+

wc. 481

w. mentions of unprotected sex, biting, creampie, kissing

Your skin on his, your breath mixed with his, it is hard to tell where one body begins and the other ends. Still, Jungkook wants more. Needs more. It isn’t enough to be buried deep in your soft warmth. It isn’t enough to sink his teeth into your skin. It isn’t enough to fill you with his seed. He loves you and you love him. You tell him so every day at all times, no matter what. Even when the two of you are fighting (not often), you fill each other with love.

As your legs lock Jungkook in place, as he grinds his pelvis against yours and as he pants in your ear, he grunts his love. His hands roam your body, trailing a hot path along your skin with goosebumps and kisses. He loves you, day in and day out. Seven days a week until the end of time, he loves you and only you. Your nails mark his skin, leaving red lines along his back and crescent moons on his arms. He doesn’t care, he’s okay with his hyungs teasing him if it means he can wear your marks proudly.

His skin is damp, slick with sweat, just as yours. You reach for the blankets, twisting the fabric in your hands until your knuckles lock, the skin taut over the bones. Jungkook’s hands find yours, he relaxes your grip and slides his fingers between the empty space. Puzzle pieces fitting into place, two halves of one whole. As his fingers close around your hand, your head grows warm and fuzzy. You feel like you’re floating and the weight of Jungkook’s hands in yours weighs you down, anchoring you to the world.

He moans your name, whispers his love as he clings to you, never letting go. Tight, so very tightly you hold onto his hands. You think there will be marks that might bruise but that is for future you to worry about. Jungkook now has no worries, he doesn’t mind the tightness. It’s reassuring, the way you give yourself to him, trusting him with the most inner parts of you. The love is madding and at times Jungkook wonders how he is still here with you. The love you share is unconditional, fierce, and inviting. It wraps around his very being and floods his lungs at the most random of times.

Jungkook’s hips start to weaken and you mewl, squeezing his hands and his length as he pushes you over the edge. It triggers his own release a few moments later and tears stream down your face. It is overwhelming, the feeling of this love. It settles deep in your chest and as Jungkook kisses your face all over, licking away your tears, you can’t help but whisper those words to him once more.

“I love you, Jungkook. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

[notelcol]

The Getaway🐦‍⬛

That Kaz x reader hurt/comfort that was voted in by some lovely people❤️

Mildly edited, apologies for mistakes🫶

The wind blew harshly against your body as you ran through Ketterdam with a stolen scroll in your hand. Your felt like you were flying. Grinning, you turned towards the man who ran a step behind you. His face matched yours. A wicked joy had you both feeling more alive than ever. You had just pulled a small heist, now it was your favourite part. The getaway.

A few more turnings through the winding streets and you would be at the switch point. There, you would meet Inej and she would disappear with the loot, while Jesper shoots the men chasing you. That was the plan at least…When you and Kaz finally skidded to a halt at your location, you both looked up at the rooftops for Inej.

“Where is she?” Kaz hissed. You looked back down the road you had come from.

“Where’s the men?” You realised they should have caught up by now. Slow footsteps began to echo, coming from a nearby turning. You whipped your head around to see the man you just stole from. He grinned menacingly before pulling out a gun. Kaz clocked it before you did but before he could even take a step towards you, the shot rang out. The scroll fell from your hand and rolled down the street, towards the shooter.

“I’ll have that back now, thank you.” He said, all too politely. Then, he simply walked away while whistling a jaunty tune.

The shock wore off, as the whistling became quieter. Then came the pain. You held your hand against your stomach, only to be met with a wet warmth. Reality truly hit you when you looked down at your hand and saw the blood. All of a sudden you could feel it trickling down from your stomach until it fell in a pool on the floor. You looked to Kaz for reassurance, only to see him white as a sheet inching towards you terror.

“You need to apply pressure.” He instructed. You complied, but each second you felt as though you were fading. Until, you dropped.

“HEY!” Kaz shouted desperately poking you with his cane. “Stay awake and keep applying pressure. Inej and Jesper will be here, they are just held up.” He hoped they would come. A situation like this is the only time Kaz feels useless.

Your eyes started to roll as your vision became blurry. You tried to keep pressing on your wound but your hands wouldn’t listen to you. As your fingers fell beside you once again, you felt a hard pressure against your stomach. You knew you were delirious when you saw Kaz kneeling at your side, keeping your blood inside your body, allowing you to close your eyes at last. Kaz himself was beginning to feel like he was dreaming too. The last time he had pushed his hair out of his face, your blood on his gloves ran up his arm beneath his sleeve. The wet sensation combined with the coldness of your body under his hands was all too familiar.

Kaz wanted nothing more than to sink his memories forever. But they kept surfacing to matter how hard he tried to focus on you. A scream ripped from his throat as he punched himself in the head, as if trying to evict the distraction of his childhood trauma. His eyes fell upon your face as he told himself this isn’t Jordie. You were still alive, at least you would be as long as he could keep himself together. He pressed more confidently against the wound at he thought of losing you, his partner in crime. He never expected to trust someone enough to call them that. He had his Crows, but never a partner. Not until you. Not since Jordie. A tear fell from his cheek onto yours as he stared down at your paling features.

He barely even noticed Inej’s arrival. It was shortly followed by Jesper’s much louder one.

“Sorry! We got held up by-“ Jesper froze when he saw the scene before him, then released a breath when he saw your chest rising.

“Shit. We need to get them back home.” Jesper jumped straight into action, less cautious to approach Kaz than Inej was. He took over Kaz’ position at your side and picked you up.

You woke up to a deep ache, causing you to groan and roll over. The movement changed the pain to a searing stab.

“FUCKING HELL!!!” You screamed.

“Good morning to you too.” Kaz’ made his presence in the room known to you. He was sat at the side of your bed smirking at you.

“I take it the men who were supposed to be chasing us are why Inej and Jesper were late?” You asked. Kaz answered you with only a nod, leaving you still concerned for your friends. Your rolled your eyes as sat up, this time sure to move slower. It did not help much, still feeling like you were being ripped open. You felt Kaz’ cane press against your chest gently.

“Lay down.” He sternly told you. You looked up at him in defiance but stopped when you saw his eyes. “Please.” His tone was more vulnerable this time, small like a whisper. You allowed his cane to push you back down, not missing the sadness in his eyes as a groan escaped you.

“I’m okay.” You sent him a comforting smile, which he returned.

“So are Inej and Jesper.”

Kaz had been in and out of your room all day in between handling business.

“I just came to say goodnight.” He said, though he seemed as though he was holding back. You decided not to pry, since you did not have the energy to get blood from a stone tonight.

“Goodnight Kaz.” You smiled. He turned to leave, looking almost disappointed. Then out of nowhere, he rushed back in and stopped when he reached your bedside. He looked deep into your eyes. The intensity woke your drowsy mind as your heart skipped a beat. “You are very special to me. Today was…” He trailed off and looked away. You thought he was about to turn around and leave again, but instead he sucked in a deep breath and quickly pressed a kiss to your forehead. As his lips met your skin, he lingered for a second. This was the closest you had ever felt to him. Not because of the physical contact though. It was rare for Kaz let someone see him feel. It felt intimate. But it was over as fast as it began.

“Goodnight.” He said once more, but this time he was breathless and shaking in a mix of fear and something else that he was finally ready to name.

“I love you.” He spoke. Before you could process the interaction, he was gone.

——-

Thank you for reading 🌹

[misscongeniality18]

Hi! I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS SO MUCH SO I'M HERE AGAIN! This time I would like to ask you to write something about Kaz Brekker and reader where she is like a longtime friend and a member of the Crows. The two have always had feelings for each other but never spoke about it so, when they argue because something dangerous happens, the truth comes out and a smut at the end?! I love this prompt so much. I don't know why but I'm so obsessed with best friends to lovers!

OMG girl yes, I love this trope too! This is my first fic with any smut, but I'll try my best! I also didn't mean to make this so long, but it just sort of happened?

Movement - Kaz Brekker (18+, Minors DNI)

Synopsis ! You and Kaz have been friends forever, but lately, you couldn't help but want something more. When the two of you are put in danger's path, both of your truths are out in the open. Pairing ! Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Genres ! Friends-to-lovers, angst, fluff, smut Warnings ! Violence, blood, danger, language, reader is the only one who can touch Kaz, maybe slightly ooc Kaz?, kissing, nudity, sexual content (fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex [wrap it up people]) Word Count - 3047

" When you move

I'm put to mind of all that I wanna be

When you move

I could never define all that you are to me "

- Movement, Hozier

Masterlist Request Guide

You and Inej ran across the rooftops, jumping from gable to gable. Tonight's heist had a plentiful bounty that sat nestled in Inej's pockets. The two of you had been charged with stealing some pieces of the Ravkan crown jewels that had been taken from the palace and illegally sold.

What did Kaz want with stolen jewels? He may be your best friend, but not even you could read his mind. He had tells, of course, as did almost everybody, but Kaz’s past made him especially skillful at hiding them. You knew this all too well.

After all, you had been the one to pull him out of the harbor.

You had been infected with firepox like Kaz and his brother, but Jordie was the only one who perished out of the three of you. You didn’t know them personally at the time, only in passing. When you and Kaz were both dumped into the harbor with the others who had died, thought to be dead yourselves, you had woken up to same horrors of rotting corpses around you and the feeling of cold, mushy flesh.

While you had been around death and illness before—witnessing your parents die of the disease—Kaz hadn’t seen anything like this until then. He’d had to use his brother��s body as a life raft to swim to shore. You’d grown up swimming in a nearby fishing village, so you swam to shore easily. When you saw Kaz struggling, you’d reached out to him, and he’d hung onto you for dear life.

That night had been traumatizing for him, and for years afterwards, he was unable to touch anyone. It took several more years to get him to touch you, and you’d been patient and worked with Kaz to get used to the feeling of skin on skin again. But it could only be you. Anyone else, and he’d be right back in the water.

You were always there to pull Kaz out of the murky depths, witnessing him at his lowest. You were also there to see him in his triumph of leading his Crows and defeating Pekka Rollins. Finally, he could rest, and Kaz wanted to do it with you.

While planning heists, of course.

Kaz didn’t want you going along, and he’d always try to persuade you to stay behind or at least stay by his side. He always had a soft side for you, so he’d usually meet you halfway. You were in the same boat; your connection to Kaz originated from your soul, and you’d do anything to appease him. But tonight, Kaz wasn’t there, so you took the opportunity to join Inej on the rooftops.

You just didn’t expect anyone to shoot you.

Kaz stormed into your room at the Slat, the door slamming into the wall behind him as he took in your white undershirt lifted just enough to reveal the bloodied gash on the side of your ribs. “What the hell happened?”

You rolled your eyes as Jesper held you down while Nina worked to heal the wound in your side. “It’s a scratch, Kaz. I’m totally fine. The bullet didn’t hit anything serious.”

“Bullet?!” Kaz exclaimed in shock. “I was told you fell off the roof.”

Wylan, from his spot in the corner of the room, hummed in opposition. “That was after she was shot.”

You suddenly let out a groan, squirming in Jesper’s arms. Kaz rushed over as fast as he could, ignoring the searing pain in his leg. “Move, Jes.”

Kaz took Jesper’s spot in keeping you still while Nina finished healing you. “It’s going to leave a scar, but you should be fine by the morning. Good thing the bullet never actually went through you.”

“That will be enough, Nina,” Kaz said lowly, and everyone knew to clear the room as fast as they could.

As soon as the others were gone, you sighed, pulling your undershirt down to cover your bandage. “Say what you’re going to say and get it over with.”

“How the fuck could you be so stupid? Joining Inej on the roof, of all places? Why not be with Nina or Jesper on the ground? We all know how clumsy you are, so it was just a matter of time before you fell off, and oh, look. You did!”

You snorted. “Like Wylan said, that was after I was shot.”

Kaz glared at you as he paced the room, leaning heavily on his cane. “That doesn’t make it any better.”

“Nothing ever does. You never let me do anything.” A child-like pout formed on your lips, and Kaz wanted to tuck your bottom lip back in place.

He refrained, however. “I have my reasons.”

“Saints, Kaz,” you huffed, sitting up and carefully standing, trying to keep your bandages in place. “If you’re not going to let me go on jobs, why am I even here?”

Kaz met your eyes, the most intense and unique shade of blue you’d ever seen. “When we were young, we promised to stick together. Don’t you remember?”

You swallowed, memories flashing behind your eyes; pinkies interlocking, teary eyes, and yes, the promise that the two of you had made.

“Of course I remember, you idiot,” you replied, holding out your pinkie finger.

Kaz glanced down at it out of the corner of his eye, dead set on refusing, but he could never say no to you. He sighed, linking your bare finger with his gloved one. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he whispered, deep and low in his throat.

You shook your head, lips turning upwards. “You will never lose me, Kaz. I’m yours forever.”

Something crossed his eyes for a brief moment, something you’d never seen before.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Do you mean that? That you’re mine?”

You furrowed your brow, searching his face, but he turned away. “Kaz? What is it? Why are you asking me this?”

He sighed your name, closing his eyes. “I—I think I…The way that I feel about you…I think it’s…I think…”

Kaz trailed off, his chest rising with every breath, unable to finish his sentence, and he turned away. But his shield dropped, and you were able to see every emotion he was feeling.

Now you recognized what you were seeing. You’d just never seen it in Kaz before. It all made sense. The way he never wanted you in harm’s way, how he would always turn to you for advice, secrets that only you knew, the smiles that appeared only when you were around. Kaz cared for you. He…

He loved you.

Your heart soared because you loved him too. You have for a while now, but you’d never been able to act on it. Yes, Kaz was able to touch you, but in this capacity, you weren’t sure.

Taking the small step to close the distance between you was terrifying, but you were meant for terrifying things.

“Yes, Kaz,” you whispered. “I’m yours.”

You looked down at his lips, the palest of pinks. Your breaths intermingled, you were so close. “Are you… Can I…?”

You hated that you couldn’t get the questions out. It was Kaz, but you still felt like you should know him well enough not to ask. But since it was Kaz, you had to. You didn’t want to do anything he wasn’t ready for.

“I’ve never… I don’t know how,” he admitted, turning away from you, cheeks turning the color of his lips.

“It’s okay,” you said, slowly lifting a hand. At your inquiring gaze, Kaz nodded. Your hand was warm against his cool skin. “I’ll follow your move.”

Kaz inched closer, noses brushing. “Is this okay?”

You nodded, eyelids fluttering. “Yes. Are you okay?”

He let out a breath, sending gooseflesh over your skin. “Yes,” he answered, and then his lips touched yours.

It was like no kiss you’ve ever had before. The others you’d kissed had been rushed, a frenzy of lips and tongues and teeth. But Kaz’s kiss, it was slow and deliberate, like he wanted to stop time itself and stay in this moment with you.

All in all, you were seeing a different side of Kaz. He usually had a hard exterior, the ruthless Bastard of the Barrel persona he had created. When he was alone with you, he was more relaxed and open, but still haunted by the ghosts of his past. You’d never gotten to know the boy he was before, only the one you had helped out of the harbor.

Was this who you were seeing? Not Kaz Brekker, but Kaz Rietveld? A boy who was curious and sweet-natured, tender and benevolent?

Then his tongue stroked your bottom lip, and you jumped in surprise.

“Was that wrong?” Kaz asked, panic lighting up his eyes.

“No,” you said, shocked. “It was right.”

Kaz grinned at you, a true smile this time, not the little thing he did as the notorious gang leader, and his gloved hands gingerly touching your waist, careful of your injury. “Can we do it again?”

You returned the smile. “Yes.”

He kissed you again, much more confident and sure than before. When his hands moved across your waist, brushing your bandaged side, you gasped.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against your lips between kisses.

You hummed, chills running down your spine when his hands gripped your hips. “It’s okay.”

“I’d like to try something else, if that’s okay?”

You pulled back a hair’s breadth to look into his eyes, his pupils blown wide, and you knew how much your kisses were affecting him. “Are you sure? This isn’t moving too fast for you?”

“I’ve wasted enough time, and I don’t want to wait any longer. I just…” He lowered his head, stray bits of his hair brushing against your bare shoulder. “I’ve never done this before.”

You brushed away the hair that had fallen forward, lifting his head to you. Your fingers tangled themselves in his dark locks, silky and fine to the touch. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

Kaz leaned forward and kissed your forehead, a simple, gratuitous kiss, and then he brushed his lips across your temple, your cheekbones, your jaw, and then the crook of your neck. He was experimenting, finding each touch a new and thrilling way to explore you. “Is this okay?” He mumbled against your shoulder.

You had your head tilted back, eyes closed. Every single one of Kaz’s kisses tingled against your skin, and your breath came out in pants. “Yes,” you gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Kaz continued to press kisses to your shoulders, across your collarbone, against your throat. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered.

“Do whatever you want,” you breathed.

“And if I want to take your shirt off?”

You opened your eyes, lids heavy with want. Kaz’s eyes were blazing with a fire you’d only ever seen when he’d defeated Pekka Rollins, but that had been a sinister and triumphant flame, and this was burning only for you out of desire.

“Then take it off.”

Kaz fingered the hem of your shirt, lifting it ever so slowly. He avoided the bandage on your side, and when the garment was over your head, he tossed it to the floor.

“Saints,” Kaz cursed, gazing at your bare skin and breasts. “You’re so beautiful,”

You pulled him towards you, kissing him feverishly. “Touch me, please.”

Kaz ran a hand over belly, up your ribcage, and lightly trailed his fingers over the swell of your breast, causing you to gasp in his mouth. “Is that good?” He asked, his voice low and coarse.

“Yes.”

“What about this?” He inquired as his thumb brushed against your nipple.

“Yes,” you whined, enjoying his experimentation. He wasn’t trying to be seductive, you knew, but Saints, he was doing a very good job. Your lower belly fluttered, and desire pooled between your legs.

“And if I were to…”

A gasp left your lips as his mouth closed around a nipple, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud. One of his hands squeezed the breast not occupied by his mouth, and the other settled low on your hip, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your ass.

Your own hands gripped the collar of Kaz’s shirt, and you pulled him towards your bed. He moved to support you as the two of you lowered to the mattress.

Kaz gazed down at you, bare and flushed for him, glowing in the candlelight. You really were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. If it was between you or mountains of gold, he’d choose you in a heartbeat. Hell, he’d even give the gold to Pekka if it meant keeping you forever.

You trailed your fingers over the expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath. Then you undid one button, and then another, and another. You blinked up at him, searching him for hesitation. “Is this okay?”

Kaz nodded, starting to undo some buttons himself, and your fingers met in the middle to slide the fabric over his shoulders together. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close to you, feeling his bare chest against yours as your lips met again. Legs opening to accommodate his body, you held him to you, and you never wanted to let go.

Hands were everywhere, to your surprise. Never before has Kaz touched you like this, so unreserved and wanting. Before, he would give you a hand to help you up, or a simple pat on the shoulder for a job well done. But this, you didn’t want him to stop.

His hands brushed against the fastenings of your pants, and the hesitation set it. Kaz’s throat bobbed, and before he could say anything, you reached down and undid the buttons yourself, shimmying the material over your hips and kicking it to the floor.

Kaz raked his gaze over you, a faint blush creeping over his skin. He licked his lips, his fingers sliding down your hip, over your thigh. His eyes met yours, and you felt yourself melting under the intensity of his desire. “Can I?” He asked, and you opened your legs in answer.

One finger ran over your seam, and your breath hitched. Then Kaz spread you, the pad of his finger brushing against the tiny bundle of nerves that made you moan. Kaz looked up at you, mischief gleaming in his eyes, and he touched you there again.

Your head thrown back, you gripped your sheets tightly, the anticipation making you squirm. Kaz followed the trail of your wetness to your entrance, and he drew tiny circles around you, and your hips bucked in search for more. This made Kaz curious, so he slowly pushed his finger into you, and you sighed.

You were so warm and wet, Kaz found. And the more he moved his finger, withdrawing it from you before sliding back in, the wetter you became. The sounds you made stirred something within him, setting his heart to pounding.

Then you moaned his name when he hit a certain spot inside of you.

“Kaz.”

He lifted his head to you, and you were watching him, your pupils so dilated, they covered the beautiful color of your irises. Your chest was rising and falling as you stared at him, and then you sat up, causing his finger to leave your warmth.

You reached for him, pulling his face to yours in a kiss. “I need you,” you whispered against his lips, and your hands were creating a trail down his chest and to his belt. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Kaz said, and his hands joined yours in unbuckling his belt. Together, you removed his pants, and Kaz kicked off his shoes.

You slid a hand between you, touching the hard length of him with your fingertips. A groan left him, and his head dropped to rest against your shoulder. You pressed a kiss to his hair as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly moving up and down. He grew harder with every stroke, and he began to press kisses to your neck and shoulder.

An idea sparked in your mind, and you hooked one leg around his hips, flipping so you were on top. Kaz’s eyes went wide, and he met yours as excitement and expectation set in. You continued to stroke him, and as you moved to hover over him, you asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” he replied, and he crashed his mouth to yours as you slowly lowered onto him.

Saints, this was better than your hand. You were extraordinary. Mouths moving against one another, bodies joined in a way that was so intimate, nothing would ever take its place. This was heaven, and Kaz would never be the same after this.

You moved, sliding your hips away from his before returning back to him. Every stroke of you around him made Kaz’s insides tighten until it felt like he was going to burst. He ran his hands over every inch of you he could reach, over your arms and shoulders, your waist, and following the movement of your hips.

The moans continued to leave your mouth even as you kissed him, and when you muttered that you were close, he felt you tighten around him, and that was his undoing.

Everything within Kaz shattered, as if something snapped within him. He held you against him, not wanting to let you go. When your breath returned, you slid off of him, the evidence of his release sticking to the insides of your thighs.

“Will you hand me my shirt?” You asked, collapsing beside him.

Kaz leaned over the side of the bed, grabbing the thin undershirt you had been wearing. You cleaned him off first, then yourself before throwing the shirt back to the floor. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, Kaz held you close, and you tucked your head underneath his chin. Your legs were intertwined, and so were your fingers, the sweat making your bodies stick together.

This moment was perfection, Kaz thought, and he nuzzled your hair.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your lips turned upwards in a smile as you pressed them lightly to his chest, eyes growing heavy with exhaustion.

“I love you, too.

[arany-studio]

Kaz and Inej visit the Rietvelt farm in foxglove season! 🥺💜🖤

3 in 1 - ‘foxglove’ entry for Crowtober, ‘farm’ entry for Inktober & Asocas fan request.

Merch • Commissions • Instagram • YouTube • Ko-Fi

[not-a-big-slay]

[its-ya-boi-kaz]

"Is my tie straight?"

[Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa | 1633 words | cross posted on ao3]

Meeting your girl's parents can be a scary ordeal, especially when you're the Bastard of the Barrel.

A follow up of chapter 44 of Crooked Kingdom

"That's the laugh," Kaz murmured. But Inej was already moving, her feet barely touching the ground as she crossed the expanse of the quay to where her parents were, running towards her at the same speed as she was. 

Kaz didn't want to interrupt them, so he simply walked, leaning lightly on his cane and eyes trained on Inej. She was face to face with them now. For a moment, she seemed frozen, not sure of what to do. Her mother had tears streaming down her face. She couldn't wait for another moment, pulling Inej into a hopelessly tight embrace. Kaz was halfway up to them by the time they broke apart. 

She didn't say anything. Her lips parted and she croaked something like, "Papa." Her father put a hand on her shoulder. He was looking down at Inej with a smile that made Kaz feel like an intruder, he didn't deserve to witness something so innocent. 

Only then did Inej turn back. Kaz suddenly felt like a spectacle. Should he have worn something else? Surely it was his clothing choices that made their eyes lock on him so intently. Kaz saw that Inej's mother's eyes were the same as Inej. Mr Ghafa had a sense of weight in his gaze that could only be bought with age. But his wife, well, the woman was possibly what the girls on West Stave had in mind when they whined about wanting to look young forever. She seemed ageless. Her eyes were the same pools of darkness as the girl who stood before him. Like she too had taken every dark thing around her and held them in her gaze until she was surrounded by an aura of light, as Inej had been doing for years. 

"Ma, Papa, this is Kaz." Her father extended his hand with the grace of a saviour, but Kaz did not need salvation, not if it came with a handshake. He was acutely aware of the sea breeze on his naked palms. The same sea had once wrinkled his fingers as they clung to Jordie, more afraid of drowning than whatever was in front of his eyes. 

"He helped me survive this city." Inej's voice was an anchor, keeping him grounded to reality. 

Her eyes were on him. He had held her own hand only moments before. Could he do the same for the man in front of him? If it gave her the same comfort? Could he cross the Barge once again, if he knew she would be standing on the shore? 

I would come for you. His bare hand left the metal crow's head of his cane and made contact with the skin of someone else. The waters rose. 

"Ma, could you make skillet bread for me tonight?" Inej spoke, but her eyes were on him. He shook her father's hand firmly; it was a chore to keep his hand from shaking as he returned it to the head of the cane. When he looked up, her smile was a halo of light around her. He fought not to squint against the sheer luminescence of her joy. 

"Of course I will, jaan, " her mother cooed, using the Suli word for 'lifeline'. Inej had mentioned it to him once, in one of her proverbs. "But first you must tell us, what happened ?"

He could feel the weight of the question, the burden of it hanging over Inej. He could only guess what Suli proverbs must be going on in her head to help her cope with the fear and keep her chin held high. 

"We will tell you everything you wish to know, Mrs Ghafa," Kaz spoke in her stead. How many times had she covered for him? He could repay her a thing or two before she started her journey to the sea. "But first shall we go somewhere more comfortable? I must confess, staying standing for long isn't very good for my leg."

• • •

"Veera told me of the slaver ship that was seen leaving the dock. When we didn't find you, we feared the worst," Inej's father said. 

They had come to Wylan's house and were seated on the dining table on which loaves of the skillet bread that Inej's mother had made cooled. Inej and Kaz on one side, her parents on the other. 

"The worst happened, Papa. And then it happened some more."

Kaz listened as Inej explained her days at the Menagerie. Then her meeting with Kaz. Her time with the dregs. She looked at him a few times, to see if he would like to add to the conversation. He would, but he would not speak. 

There came a time every once in a while when he had to look at all the numbers himself. Despite how accurate the reports of Anika and Pim were, he always found something that had slipped from their brain, that would have been unknown to him if he hadn't looked at the scores himself. You could trust somebody with your numbers, but there were some tallies you had to count on your own. This was her story to tell. He had no right to say anything, not when he knew there were wounds in her only she could recall. 

She had steered clear of any mention of the Ice Court heist. But she could only talk so much about the past. "I have a ship. I managed to do something huge, with the help of the right people. I have the resources too. I'm going to hunt slavers. I won't let anyone suffer what I've endured. But before I do that, I need your forgiveness. Papa, Mama, I need to know where… I need to know what I mean to you, before I go out into the world alone and fulfil my purpose in this world."

There were tears in her mother's eyes that were very different from the way she'd cried at the quay. Her eyes were still, determined, yet searching for something to say. She reminded Kaz of the night on Black Veil when Inej had turned back － He was going to break my legs , Kaz, she had said, eyes searching for answers－ and he breathed out a sigh, knowing there was nothing furious in her mother's gaze. If they were angry at Inej, Kaz doubted any of the Ghafas would like what he planned to do in that scenario. Including Inej. Especially Inej.

"You are still our daughter, Inej. You needn't ask for our forgiveness. You did what you had to do." Her father's voice was steady despite the tears. Her mother silently wiped her own. She suddenly got up and crossed the table to Inej, and coddled her face in her hands. She leaned down to press her lips on her daughter's forehead. 

"You did what the Saints asked of you, my child. If that is what you think your purpose is, then let me not be what stops you. You can…"

Their voices faded into the background as Kaz stepped into the backyard. He lowered himself onto the steps, feeling his leg throb with a twinge of pain. He did not want to intrude in what was supposed to be a memory none of them would forget. He wanted them to only remember each other as they too probably wanted to. 

He sensed her presence behind him. He glanced back and opened his mouth to tell her how she should go back to her family and that Kaz could talk to her later, but the words died on his lips. It wasn't Inej behind him, but her father. He turned his gaze back to the canal. The old man sat beside him, posture erect even when sitting down. 

"I'm aware that you are the reason Inej is safe today," he started. He must have left the mother and daughter to do some more weeping together. 

"There's no safe in Ketterdam, Mr Ghafa. I didn't give her safety, it doesn't exist in this city. She fended for herself."

"I suspect you have a hand behind that too."

Kaz stayed silent, feeling the temperature of his face rise as if he was a child that had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. But Mr Ghafa wasn't blaming, he was simply acknowledging facts. 

"I don't have much to say to you, just know that I thank you deeply for what you have done for her." 

He didn't know what to say to that. It was awfully quiet in these parts of the city. He could hear the water of the large canal lapping up against the shore. 

After a while, Inej's father stood up and dusted off his trousers. Only then did he sense Inej, the real Inej's presence behind him. So he'd known his daughter had come and left them alone. Kaz supposed he should be honoured, but he could only feel a pang of jealousy that he hadn't been able to sense Inej before her father. 

She sat beside him now, slipping into a comfortable silence. Neither of them wanted to speak. Every few moments, she would wipe her eyes. 

What had her parents said about him after he'd gone? What had she said about him? What would they say if they came here right now? 

Quietly, she reached for his now gloved hand. Kaz took a deep breath. There was her hand on his. A slight weight on his shoulder where she had leaned her head against it. Sunlight glistened on the murky waters of the canal. His mind was reeling. A jumble of thoughts, but none of them profound enough to be worth being spoken.

"They like you. Both of them."

He could have never known such simple words would be what eased the thumping in his chest. 

[clouddd-hannn]

Boyfriend Material - Park Jongseong

CHAPTER INDEX

PAIRING: ENHYPEN Park Jongseong x M!Reader

GENRE: Fluff, Angst

WARNING(S): Use of profanities, all members are aged up, they're all freshmen students

OTHER(S): Soc med AU, band au, university au, all members are college students, fake boyfriend trope, has narrations also

SUMMARY: It seems you've totally messed up when you uploaded a picture of your "lover" in your Twitter post and your "lover" happens to be a famous band member

*inspired by Best Mistake (or Marked by the King Bs)

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Character Intros [ callboiz | twt accs 1 | laser | twt accs 2 ]

ch OO1: life is boring

ch OO2: settling a score with the 'boyfriend'

ch OO3: the message

ch OO4: almost late

ch OO5: strawberry milk

ch OO6: lee heeseung

ch OO7: as a friend?

ch OO8: who is it?

ch OO9: looks small

ch O1O: hold tight

ch O11: unknown is jay

ch O12: finding out the fan

ch O13: making it up to you

[jahayla-parker]

Kaz Brekker and working through his touch aversion. Smuty, fluffy, angsty, anything you choose.

Progress Over Perfection: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 3.7k wc, fluff/angst fic of Kaz working with reader to improve his touch aversion and getting mad at his lack of progress so reader has to help him work on making progress not being perfect.

Warning: general SoC topics including mention of trauma and touch aversion.

Kaz ran his hand across his face and wordlessly exited the room, headed back to his office.

Y/n removed Jesper’s arm from her waist so she could follow him.

“Y/n” Jesper frowned, “you don’t always have to chose him”.

Y/n rold her eyes, “I’m not choosing anyone Jes, stop the dramatics. He’s clearly upset, I’d leave to check on you if the roles were reversed “.

“Kaz doesn’t get upset, he’s a robot” Jesper laughed, taking another shot.

Y/n shook her head, “I’m going to check on him. Enjoy your night, and Wylan, good luck”.

Wylan groaned and nodded, standing up and helping Jesper stand properly as y/n slipped away.

“Kaz?” Y/n asked, opening his door without knocking.

Kaz nodded once, not looking up at her the way he normally would when she’d enter his room.

“Kaz” she tried again, taking a step closer.

He sighed loudly and let his eyes flicker up to look at her for a split second before they lowered back down to his desk.

“Kaz, come on” she said exasperatedly, “I’m trying here. Are you mad at me?”

Kaz closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“If it is about the joke Jesper made earlier, I didn’t tell him anything. He-“ she began rambling.

Kaz shook his head and held up a hand for her to stop.

“I don’t care about his jokes. I know you didn’t tell him about us,” Kaz said firmly.

“Then why are you mad? What did I do?” She sighed, sitting down at his desk.

“You,” he sighed, “you did not do anything”.

“Kaz,” she groaned, “I can’t fix this if you don’t tell me what is bothering you”.

He suddenly pressed back from his desk, walking away from her, “you can’t fix this regardless”.

“Kaz, you don’t know that, I-“ she began but he froze and turned to face her, a pained look on his normally stoic face.

It lasted only a second but it was enough for her understand the meaning his next words.

“You cannot fix me,” he stated harshly.

“Fix you?” She asked, tilting her head to the left, “Kaz I don’t want to fix you. There’s nothing to fix”.

Kaz scoffed sarcastically, “do not feign ignorance y/n”.

Y/n glares at him silently, waiting for him to notice his mistake on his own.

Kaz watched her for a moment before sighing, “I did not mean you are ignorant dove, I… you just must know better than that”.

She sighed and shook her head, “what is it you think you need to have fixed?”

He clenched his hands, “I… I don’t “

She raised an eyebrow at him, “you’ve lost me then Brekker.”

“That is the concern,” he said sharply, facing away from her as he took his gloves off before his dresser.

“Wha-“ she paused, realizing what he meant, “Kaz, are you serious?! For saint’s sake Kaz, You’re not losing me. Where did this come from?”

Kaz hung his head as he leaned on his dresser and tried to compose himself.

“Kaz. I do not want to push you. But I am beyond confused. You state you need to be fixed then say you don’t think you do, and now you say you’re worried you’ll lose me?” She reiterated, hoping to make sense of the situation.

“What is it that I did to make you think any of this?” Y/n whispered, Kaz lifted his head and through the mirror noticed the guilt on her face.

Kaz grimaced, feeling horrible for causing this.

He pushed himself up and walked to her, standing before her as she zoned out; likely thinking through her actions.

“Darling,” he whispered, his tone firm but volume barely audible.

Y/n looked up at him, an apologetic look on her face.

“Do not,” Kaz stated, “do not think this was anything you did”.

She nodded slowly, clearly uncertain if she should believe him.

“I did this to myself,” he explained, trying to communicate with his eyes his sincerity.

“Did what? Kaz, please, just sit down and talk,” she begged.

Seeing the concerned look in her eyes, he complied, pulling his chair loudly across the floor until he was just before her.

“I cannot do what Jesper can,” Kaz stated, refusing to look her in the eyes.

“What Jesper can? Meaning gamble his Kruge away on a stupid bet about us? That’s not a goal to have Kaz, he was drunk a-“ y/n offers.

Kaz shook his head, “not his gambling. I saw the way he was holding your waist”.

Y/n sighed loudly, “Kaz, love, there’s nothing between Jesper and I, we’re just friends”.

Kaz nodded and pinched his nasal bridge, “I know…that makes it worse”.

Y/n crossed her arms, shifting in her seat as she stared at him in complete and utter confusion.

“Even your friends can … touch you, hold you, -“ he rambled abrasively.

“That’s what’s going on?” She gasped, “Kaz, have I been pressuring you to-“.

He shook his head, finally looking up at her and the lack of shine in his sullen eyes broke her heart.

“Then why..?” She asked, staring into his eyes as if they would expose the explanation to her.

“I… Jesper can, Wylan can, everyone else can.. I cannot offer you that” Kaz groaned.

“I’m not asking you to kaz. I know you've been through a lot. It's okay. You don’t need -“ she began, leaning closer to him.

“But I want to” he blurted, shutting his eyes tightly in embarrassment.

“Okay” she said softly.

Kaz opened his eyes and stared at her with a look of pure guilt and disappointment, “but I can’t”.

“This is your call, Kaz. If this something you want, we can try. We’ll go as slow as you need,” she told him.

“I… you would be okay with that?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

She smiled at him, “absolutely love. You set the pace and tell me how to help, we’ll do this together “.

——

Kaz watched as Jesper kissed Wylan while their group crowded around the table.

Kaz glanced over at y/n who was seated next to him, grinning as she watched Wylan blush.

He knew no one was aware of their relationship, Kaz worrying it would risk her safety, but the table would prevent anyone from seeing his hand.

So he tried to take a step, shakingly lifting his closest hand and setting it on hers that was resting on the bench between them.

Kaz felt a wave of nausea and panic hit him just as his gloved hand felt the back of her bare hand and he instantly pulled his hand back and clenched his jaw.

Y/n, feeling the brief touch on her hand, turned to face him, offering him a soft smile.

But he shook his head as he stared into the distance.

“Kaz” she whispered once everyone else was busy in their own conversations.

Kaz didn’t respond as he stood up and walked to the bar.

Y/n watched him, wanting to give him some space to calm down.

He quickly took a shot, slamming it down onto the counter with such force she was surprised it didn’t break.

She sighed to herself, trying to find a way to help.

As he stood at the bar, his shoulders moving up and down as he steadied his breath, y/n slid out of her seat to stand beside him.

She noticed his head drop ever so slightly as she approached.

“Your office, come on” she whispered before turning on her heels to head the other direction.

She hadn’t been in his office long when he finally entered, his gaze not looking at her.

Y/n hadn’t wanted to push him to talk about it so she simply grabbed a book of his she’d been reading the last week and began to scan the page.

She couldn’t actually read it, her mind too focused on him, but hoped it took some pressure off him.

When Kaz felt steady enough to address his failure, he limped to where she was sitting on his bed and gently took the book from her.

He marked the page with the scrap paper she’d used as a bookmark last time, and set it down next to her.

Kaz stared at her, needing to hear that she wanted him to talk.

He knew it wasn’t fair, but it was the only way his brain would allow him to confess any kind of emotions to someone; and even then, it had to be her.

“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready Kaz” she promised.

He nodded as a thank you before he dug his nail into his other palm, “I’m trying my best and it's not good enough. It’s never good enough”.

“Kaz, that’s not true” she frowned.

If he didn’t know better, if they hadn’t been together as long as they had, or if he hadn’t discussed the subject with her before, he’d worry that the look she held was from pity for him.

But he did know better, they had been together long enough for him to know she didn’t feel that way, and they had talked about it and she swore it was concern and not pity, so he let it slide.

“It is true” he argued, hating the harsh way the words slid off his tongue when she was just trying to help.

“No it is not. Kaz, even admitting you want to try this is a huge step. You have to stop rushing yourself,” she sighed.

“If I don’t, it may never get better. I may never get better,” he confessed, surprising himself.

“Kaz, you don’t need to get better. I’m not asking you to do any of this,” she reminded him.

“I know. But you deserve it. What I can do now is not enough. I, am not enough,” he defended.

There was a long moment of silence between them as they stared at eachother.

Kaz trying to keep his eyes from showing any emotion but failing as they were far softer than normal.

Y/n watching him in disbelief as if he just spoiled the ending of her favorite book.

“You don’t actually believe that Kaz” she pleaded quietly.

Kaz didn’t say anything, unable to reiterate the despise he had for himself.

“Saints Kaz, you're enough. You’re more than enough” she huffed , “if anyone tries to claim otherwise, they will not hear the end of it. That includes you”.

Kaz bit his inner lip, and forced a shaky nod.

“Please stop pushing yourself so hard. It’s only going to make this harder on you” she begged.

“One more” he said, his voice firm but low.

“What?” She asked, bending her head to see into his eyes better.

“One more attempt tonight” he stated as if there was no argument he’d hear, but his eyes were softly pleading.

She nodded and stayed as still as possible so he could initiate the contact on his own terms.

Kaz hate that he still had his gloves on, knowing she’d seen him without them, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to touch her without them; not yet anyways.

He took a calming breath, taking in the sight of his undeservedly supportive girlfriend before him as motivation.

He brought his hand closer to her before asking her for help, “palm up”.

She nodded with a kind smile and flipped her hand so her palm faced upwards on the bed.

Kaz took another stabilizing breath and looped his gloved pinky around her bare one, staring at it as he tried to keep calm.

“Kaz, I’m here. You’re safe” she whispered, knowing how to help since she’d been there for more than one of his panic attacks at this stage in their relationship.

He nodded, his eyes hardening as he focused on their fingers, his breathing tense.

“You can let go whenever” she reminded him, seeing the stubborn and determined look in his eyes, “don’t push yourself”.

Kaz waited until he felt the water slamming into his ribs before he pulled away.

He sat silently, his shoulders trembling as he caught his breath and listened to y/N’s voice to bring him back to reality.

If he was honest, he enjoyed the fact he’d been able to touch her even briefly, but he wasn’t sure if the anxiety was worth it.

However, as he realigned himself with his current surroundings, y/N’s smile and the new glow in her eyes made him realize it was absolutely worth it.

He’d do anything to keep being the reason for that beaming smile and sparkling stare; even if it meant he had to push through these episodes.

——

Kaz paced back and forth, refusing to look at y/n.

“Kaz please” she begged, frowning at him.

He ignored her, still stomping across his room, his leg limping majorly as he refused to use his cane.

“Kaz” she sighed, unsure how to stop this round of him berating himself over his touch aversion.

They’d been merely sitting in his office, him at his desk working in some new heist as she relaxed and read a book on his bed.

Something came over him and he felt inclined to at least hold her hand, but it did not go well.

He wasn’t sure why.

He’d gotten to the point where he could now do that for at least five seconds, even without gloves on.

But tonight that seemed to not be the case and it infuriated him.

“Kaz” she tried again, her desperation clear in her voice.

“Stop” he shouted, halting and glaring at her.

However, she didn’t react, knowing he was simply trying to push her away again out of his own fear and self disappointment.

“Why?” He asked, tugging at his hair.

“Why what?” She asked.

“You put up with so much. With me. Why?” He complained, his hair becoming a mess under his fingers.

She rolled her eyes softly, “I’m not putting up with you Kaz. I’m simply staying by your side. And you know why”.

Kaz sighed, his eyes closing as he dropped his aggressive posture and dragged himself to the bed.

“I don’t deserve it” he told her, sitting next to her, staring at their hands a few inches apart.

“You don’t. I don’t know why you have this struggle Kaz, but you’re right, you don’t deserve to have it” she agreed, resting her head in her shoulder as she glanced over at him.

“You mistook what I said” he informed her, looking up from their hands and into her eyes, “It is not the condition that I don’t deserve. It is you. Your patience, your-“.

“Stop that right now. Kaz Brekker, I will not sit here and listen to you say that. Even if you don’t believe you deserve it, I do. And it is not up to you to decide if you get to have me, to experience my patience or whatever else you think you don’t deserve. It is mine and I’m choosing to share it with you because I believe you deserve it” she stated, giving him a look.

“You don’t know why I’m like this but you accept it. I cannot understand why.” He admits.

“I don’t have to understand why Kaz. That doesn’t change what is happening. I accept you as you are Kaz, without needing explanations. Because I love you” she firmly assured him.

“And if I wanted to?” He asked vaguely.

“Wanted to what Kaz?” She asked softly.

“Explain” Kaz said simply, eyes scanning her face for a reaction.

“You… you’re wanting to explain the reason behind your touch aversion?” Y/n asked cautiously.

Kaz nodded, “this… this is not easy for me…. And not how I had planned…”

He sighed and took a deep breath before focusing his gaze on her’s with as soft of a look as he could form, “I feel the same way”.

He couldn’t officially say the words, that was too large of a step for him.

Simply admitting it indirectly was a lot for him and made him want to crawl away and hide.

But the way her eyes widened slightly with shock and happiness, the way her lips parted ever so slightly as she suppressed a gasp, the way her body froze as if needing to pause the moment and take it all in, made it worth it.

He knew one day he’d need to muster up the courage to actually say those three words, but at least now she knew how he felt.

“Which… is why, I want to…” he muttered, hoping to turn the conversation.

“Handsome,” she began, surprises sing a smirk as his cheeks tinted red, “you don't owe me an explanation, or the story of your trauma, just because you love me. But if you want and are ready to share it, I'll listen”.

Kaz took a moment to look her over, memorizing every minute detail of her and their current situation.

He nodded with a faint curl of his lips, “I want to”.

——

“Handsome, look... it's progress, yeah? You’re already better than you were before” y/n encouraged.

He shook his head, “if this were a heist, I’d have just gotten us all caught”.

“But it isn’t Kaz. This is new territory. Give yourself a break” she suggested.

“I cannot” he told her, staring at the papers on his desk.

“Why not?” She asked but he didn’t respond.

She walked to him and peered at the sloppily written note he was making.

“Kaz,” she sighed, trying to take the paper from him.

He shot her a look before continuing to hastily note the various types of physical contact that did not go well so far in his attempts over the last year.

“Please stop, you don’t need a note” she groaned.

Kaz knew she was right, after all, every detail of each failure was burned into the back of his mind, retuning to mock him when he inevitably failed again.

This time it was when he tried to kiss her cheek, his lips not even touching her skin before he panicked.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk, or see what Inej found out from the docks today, or-“ she began, trying to find something to interest him that wouldn’t lead him back to this train of thought.

“I said no” he snapped, his grip tight on the pen as he instantly regretted his outburst.

When she didn’t respond or react, he set the pen down, glancing up at her with remorse, “love, I cannot”.

“Why not Kaz?” She asked with a sad tone.

“I cannot give up. I need to do this, for both of us” he told her.

“I’m not asking you to give up Kaz. Saints, I’m just asking you to not be so judgmental to yourself! You trust me right?” She asked.

He nodded and relaxed his body as much as he could to show her he was trying to comply with her wishes.

“Then trust me when I say I love you and that right now, I’d much rather we go for a walk than watch you spiral over this” she told him, holding up his hat.

Kaz let out a sigh and nodded, standing up from his desk.

As y/n grinned and placed his hat on her head, Kaz chuckled quietly.

He picked the hat off her head, intentionally letting his ungloved fingers trace faintly over her ear.

She bit her lip and smiled up at him before forcing a stern look, “don’t push yourself”.

He gave her a thankful nod, passing her a jacket silently.

“I know I can do this” he said, watching himself as he hooked his arm through her’s now that they both had fabric costing their bare skin.

She nodded, staring up at him with compassionate eyes and an excited smile.

——

Kaz knew he needed to watch his tone, but the waves had been too high and all he could do was lash out in frustration.

“You should be!” He yelled as y/n sat next to him on the floor.

She shook her head, “as I said Kaz… I'm not angry. It is not up to you to determine that”.

Kaz glared at the legs of his desk across the room as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“Mad, disappointed, fed up, whatever you want to label it” he hissed.

“I’m not mad. I'm not disappointed. I’m not fed up. I just love you” she told him, watching as his eyes softened as the words hit his ear.

He was silent for a moment as he wiped the tears from his face that had fallen during his latest panic attack.

“This has to be bothering you” He said, his voice shaky as he tried to reign in his anger, “I cannot even kiss you”.

"This isn't bothering me, Kaz. If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn’t be. You have to trust me on that” she begged.

“It’s bothering me” he admitted, his shoulders sinking as his back leaned on the wall for support.

“So we keep working on it, together. It’s about progression Kaz, not perfection” she told him.

“You… you deserve perfection” he claimed, chancing a look at her.

She smiled at him, reaching for his hand hesitantly.

When he nodded, she grabbed his hand slowly and held it in her’s.

“Kaz. To me, you are perfection. And this,” she said, lifting their hands between them, “is a huge progression towards perfection in an area you are striving for”.

He let her words register and nodded, a small but sincere smile on his lips as he considered how far he’d come.

“You want to reach perfection in this area, not me. I’m fine with how it was, and how it is. But I’m here to support you and I have never seen you not reach your goals “ she smirked, “but you need to remember, progress not perfection. You push too hard at once and it’ll all crumble”

He nodded, letting himself squeeze her hand very minimally, but more than he figured he could do in the moment, “progress”.

Kaz Brekker Navigation/Masterlist

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Main Navigation/Masterlist (all my works)

Kaz Brekker Tag List (comment here to added):

@directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r

[thrxughthenxght]

I feel like Kaz and Inej would get married. I saw a post that said one day they just go down and sign papers but I think for Inej and her parents they would have a small wedding (Kaz just wants to be married, he doesn't care how it's done). I think they would have Inej's parents there and then obviously the crows (the only time Matthias' ghost will associate with Kaz).

Obviously they would have geraniums and I think they'd mix some Kerch and Suli wedding traditions. Kaz and Inej have to fight for Jesper and he ends up Kaz's best man and Nina is the maid of honour. I can also picture Inej wearing gloves so she and Kaz match. The whole thing would just be very soft because that's what they deserve.

[red-as-rain]

inej: *falls asleep on kaz*

jesper: kaz we need to-

kaz: *on the brink of tears* if you wake her up jesper I swear I will rip you limb from limb

[sweetestofchaos]

Forehead Kisses With Stray Kids...Again

Backstory: As you get ready to leave for work, he doesn’t make a move to kiss you goodbye.

pairing: skz x gn!reader

tw: none, pure fluff

wc: 1.1k

a/n: I wrote this...and forgot that I already had forehead kisses with them...so here is another version lmfao. line/heart divider and support divider made by @benkeibear

Chan - It might have been early in the morning but when you shout that you’re heading to work, you expect for Chris to come give you a kiss. After a few moments of waiting for him at the front door, you pout and toe your shoes off. You walk farther into the apartment and find that Chris is sitting in front of his laptop with headphones on at your shared desk. You sigh with a shake of your head but all the more endeared. You walk over to him and place your hands on Chris’ shoulders gently before you lean down and press a soft kiss to his forehead.

Chris pulls his headphones down around his neck and tilts his head back with a smile. You grin and peck his lips whispering your goodbye and Chris kisses you again, trailing his hand to the back of your neck as he kisses you upside down.

“Have a good day at work, baby. Love you.”

Minho - You announce that you’re heading to work as you pass Minho who is on the floor cleaning his shoes. You backtrack your steps and slide your hand underneath Minho’s chin before you tilt his head back and press a kiss right in the middle of his forehead. He smiles shyly and wraps his fingers around your wrist before he pulls you down closer to his face.

Minho pecks your lips as he cups your cheek in his hand and mutters his love as he teases you.

“Did you really try to leave without a proper kiss?”

Changbin - You can hear Changbin in the kitchen, looking for whatever to make himself breakfast. Stepping into the kitchen, you smile at your boyfriend when you see his face still puffy with sleep. He hasn’t seen you yet, eyes too focused on their search for food. You giggle to yourself and walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

Changbin jumps from your sudden touch and melts into your body. Turning in your hold, he hugs you and buries his face in your neck. He peppers little kisses along your neck and cheek, missing your lips. To which you retaliate by pressing a firm kiss to his forehead and pushing him away.

“Yah! I wasn’t finished!” 

Han - You thought Jisung was still sleeping when you were ready to head to work. Not wanting him to wake up confused as to where you were, you quickly wrote a note and headed back into the bedroom to set it on the nightstand. Han was wide awake, pulling on one of his hoodies. You smiled and walked over to him. You pushed his hoodie from his face along with his bangs and pressed a sweet kiss onto his forehead.

As you pulled away his eyes were wide and wet, lips spread in a wide smile as he stared at you, confused but happy nonetheless. He pulled you into a hug and kissed your forehead as well before hugging you tighter.

“How are you so cute this early, huh?”

Seungmin - You could feel Seungmin’s eyes on you the whole time as you were getting ready to leave for work. Your shoes were placed by the door and your bag sat on the kitchen table, holding your lunch for the day. You ignored Seungmin’s eyes as you finished your morning drink and set the cup in the sink.

From the couch you heard Seungmin call your name and you turned with your arms crossed over your chest while he just sat there with a wide smile on his handsome face. You rolled your eyes at his cheesiness and started over to him. He lifted his face upward as you got closer, his lips slightly puckered and you smiled softly. You kissed his forehead and Seungmin was quick to grab your sides, pulling you down into his lap to give you a real kiss.

“Wanna try that again, yeah?”

Felix - From the sweet aroma in the air of freshly baked brownies, you know that Felix has to be in the kitchen or near there. You glance at the watch on your wrist and you have a few moments to spare for your boyfriend. Skipping around the corner, you crash into Felix and he is quick to catch you in his arms, so that you don’t fall on your eyes. A brownie is hanging from his lips and you giggle at how cute he looks. 

Leaning up, you press a kiss to his forehead and as you pull away, Felix grabs the brownie from his mouth. Chewing quickly he smiles as he swallows the sweet treat.

“Can I get a real kiss?”

Hyunjin - “Jinnie, I'm leaving for work!” You call out from the end of the hallway. The door to his art room is open and you hear him curse before he calls out for you to have a good day. Well that isn’t good enough in your book. You walk down the hall with your shoes in your hands and push open the door. Hyunjin is sitting in front of a canvas with a stick of charcoal in his hand.

You walk up beside him and bend down, so that your face is level with his. You call his name and when he turns to face you, you press a quick kiss to his forehead. Hyunjin presses his lips into a thin line before he turns his face away and gives you the side eye.

“Since when were you so cute?”

Jeongin - As you were putting on your shoes, you heard the toilet flush some deeper in your apartment. The sound of a door clicking open and shut made you smile to yourself. Looks like Jeongin was up to start his day. You called out to him that you were leaving and waited for a for moments, expecting to see him sleepy face come around the corner to kiss you goodbye. When that didn’t happen you pouted and removed your shoes to walk into the apartment. 

You peaked into your shared bedroom and Jeongin was laying in bed, tapping away at his phone. “I’m leaving, Innie,” You call and Jeongin’s eyes widen as he sees you standing in the door. He sits up and makes grabby hands at you which makes you laugh and walk over to the bed. Once in his arms, you run your fingers through his wild hair and place a tender kiss to his forehead. Jeongin hums his happiness and snuggles into your neck before he pecks your lips softly.

“I missed breakfast with you. Should I stop by for lunch?”

[notelcol]

Love.

Kaz Brekker x asexual reader.

Mildly edited, apologies for mistakes✨

——-

You had been a part of the crows for a while now. What surprised everyone the most about you was your relationship with Kaz. He would call you into his office and discuss future plans with you, plans that he normally kept to himself. You loved to hear the way his mind worked out those elaborate plans. The two of you constantly stole hidden glances and occasionally he would pass you tea, allowing his gloved fingers to linger against your bare ones. The first time it happened your heart nearly burst from your chest. You knew of his aversion to touch, yet this did not feel accidental. You looked at him to see if he was okay, only for him to remove his hand and walk away before you could see his face. Though you did manage to catch the red tint on the tips of his ears, matching your own cheeks.

Inej had seen your tea exchange one time and had teased you for weeks. She didn’t want to tease Kaz, for fear or scaring him away from you. He was a precarious personality, always one step away from doing something crazy. She did not realise how similar you were. Her teasing had made you realise your feelings. Love was something you had long told yourself you would never know. While Kaz had an aversion to touch, you had your own aversion. Over time you had come to learn that no man wants to stay with someone he could never lay with. So when you realised your feelings for Kaz, your survival instincts kicked in and you put up your walls. You made excuses not to go to his office and avoided the kitchen. You needed to purge these feelings, you believed it was for your own good.

Weeks passed and you had all just completed your latest heist. You were all dressed much too posh for the Slat, but it was just enough glitz to get the job done. While on the job, Inej had stopped you. She was tired of you being distracted during the fighting.

“You are being stupid.” She snapped. “You are running away from your feelings because you cannot give yourself fully to a man, when Kaz is a man who has no interest in such a gift.” She was absolutely right. You had been denying yourself the opportunity to love someone the one person who would not want you to change. You had to remind yourself of this conversation as you awaited the perfect moment to tell him. It came almost too quickly. As soon as you arrived home, Jesper left to parade his outfit around the Crow Club. Apparently it was a crime not to bless as many eyes as possible with his looks. Inej however, raced to her room. She wanted to get out of the fancy dress as soon as she physically possible. You watched Kaz go into the kitchen and decided it was time. You followed after him and started to make a tea. You put the water on to boil and turned around to grab your cup, only to find it being held out to you. You took the cup and instead of the usual gloved touch, you were met with the shaking bare hand of Kaz Brekker. It was a fleeting touch, he did not linger this time. But it drew you to his eyes all the same. For once he did not look away.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He stared into your eyes intensely. You could see the battle in his mind.

“Thank you.” You smiled. “You look rather dashing yourself.” This made him laugh.

“Dashing. Really?” He had never been described as such before. While some might find it funny to call Kaz Brekker a dashing man, you genuinely meant it. One moment with him undid all of your emotional repression. You were right back in it. You wanted to run away but the sound of the water boiling over brought you to reality.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” His words reminded you of his presence. You spun around and gave him an answer.

“Because I love you.” He took a step back at your confession. His eyes were full of love but his body looked ready to run. You knew how that felt.

“You shouldn’t love me.” He shook his head. “I can’t hold you close or kiss you goodnight. I could never….consummate. You deserve more than I could give.” Now it was your turn to shake your head.

“I do not want those things.” Gentleness graced your face as you took a step closer to him, tentatively filling the gap he made. “Love to me, is in the way you look at eachother, talk to each other and the experiences you share with each other.” You handed him his gloves from the table. “You don’t need to push yourself for me. Gloved touches are enough to last me a lifetime. Love is in the heart, not in the skin.” You hoped you had gotten through to him. His breath shook as he put his gloves back on. You did not know if he was ready to face this. You watched for an indication but he gave you none, then ran out of the room.

You were quite down about Kaz’ decision. But you tried to keep your head up, you knew it wasn’t for lack of feelings. You had been in his shoes countless times, terrified to give your whole self to someone and it not be enough. All you could do was hope he would see that you want him as he is. You stared out of the window at the street, watching the people go by as you tried to think of something else. It seemed the universe had other plans for you, as a throat cleared in the doorway. You turned to see Kaz, staring uncomfortably at you.

“Did you mean what you said?”

He asked. You nodded in earnest and gave him a smile, which to your surprise he returned. His was smaller and fell quickly, but it was there and it was for you. He slowly walked closer, cane clacking softly with each step, until he came to rest next to you on the windowsill. He let out a breath and visibly relaxed as you both watched the street together. You felt true peace as you sat side by side sharing gossip about each person that walked by for hours. The passer-by’s had become scarce as the night grew late and a quietness had befallen you. You lifted your head from the window frame when you heard Kaz moving. He was staring down at his gloved hand as it moved towards your own, as if he was willing it to move one millimetre at a time. When his pinky finger reached yours, he wrapped it around your own and chills filled your body. You both moved your eyes from your hands to each others faces. Neither of you could stop the contented smiles that showed prominently, and neither of your hearts had ever felt so full.

——-

This one’s for all my fellow aces who may be struggling. Remember, love is in the heart, not in the skin. 🫶

This work hit home for me. I didn’t realise how much repressed feelings I had about trying to find love as an asexual. I have never met another person like me, but I know they are out there. I hold out hope that all of us will one day find the person who will take us as we are.💓

Thank you for reading🌷

[ticklishraspberries]

Foolish Desire (Jesper/Wylan)

Summary: Wylan is always doing things with his hands, and it makes Jesper’s find wander. (Based on a lovely prompt by @nhasablogg!! Thank you so much for the idea!! Hope y’all enjoy!!)

It’s stupid, really.

Jesper feels like a fool for even noticing it, let alone caring. But falling head-over-heels for Wylan has proven to make him quite a fool, and he isn’t necessarily complaining.

It’s just…Ever since he saw Wylan first play piano, he can’t stop watching the chemist’s hands. If the musical skill was not already attractive, something about the graceful, fluid way that Wylan’s fingers moved was captivating…And, extremely flustering.

Because even when he isn’t playing the piano or the flute, Wylan’s fingers are always moving. When he’s thinking deeply, he wiggles his fingers in the air like he’s plucking imaginary strings.

And, it’s so stupid, because Jesper normally never gets flustered like this, but lately, he can’t stop thinking about those fingers and what they could do to him. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

 No, it’s sillier than that, and Jesper wants to slide down off his seat and hide under the club’s bar for the rest of the evening as he watches Wylan tap out a rhythm on the table, fingers quick and deliberate.

And Jesper really wants to drag him upstairs and beg to be tickled, because that’s the sort of foolish thoughts that Wylan has put in his head.

“Are you alright?” Wylan asks, startling Jesper out of his thoughts. “You’re…quiet.”

“Am I not allowed to be quiet?” Jesper asks, a little too defensively.

“I mean, you just never are. Quiet, that is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go so long without saying a word.”

Jesper knows that Wylan isn’t going to drop this until he fesses up, but he would rather go up against a rival gang without his guns than say it out loud.

“Do you want to get out of here? I mean, it’s not like Kaz needs us for anything tonight…” he says, trying to seem casual. “We could…Head upstairs?”

Wylan’s eyebrows raise at the suggestion, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’d like that.”

They head up the steps and into Jesper’s room, their room, and once the door is shut, their lips are locked together. They fumble back towards the bed, sitting perched on the edge of it, fumbling to shed their jackets and toss them onto the floor.

“So, this is what you were thinking about, hm?” Wylan asks, his voice soft and breathy.

“I’m always thinking about this,” Jesper replies. “Your mouth, those blushing cheeks, your hands—”

“You’ve been watching my hands lately,” Wylan interrupts.

Jesper’s flirtatious tone fades, and he feels his own face flush. He’s been caught. Well, sort of. Wylan probably assumes that it's something sexual, which is definitely a factor, but this feels more embarrassing to admit. Sex is familiar, it comes easily to Jesper (no pun intended), but vulnerability and honesty is a little more difficult.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you out on it,” Wylan says when Jesper goes quiet. “I just noticed it, I thought it was cute.”

Jesper scoffs, but he’s smiling. “You’re the cute one here. I’m not upset that you mentioned it, it’s just…The reason is silly.”

“Silly? You, Jesper Fahey, silly? I can’t believe it.”

“Ha ha, very funny. But, uh…I guess I’ve just noticed that you move your hands a lot when you’re thinking. Like you’re playing a song on the piano. It’s very endearing, by the way, but it just made me think that…Well, I guess I just realized that I tickle you all the time, and you’ve never really done it back. And when you do that with your fingers, it sort of looks like…”

“Like they’d tickle?” Wylan supplies.

Jesper’s face burns. “Yeah, I guess.”

Wylan chuckles, but it isn’t condescending or judgemental. “That’s adorable, Jes. If you wanted me to tickle you so badly, you could have just asked.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say—Wait, Wy—!”

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence before Wylan has pushed him back against the bed, those fingers that had been taunting him for so long finally on his sides, scribbling up and down in a way that already has Jesper howling.

“Wait? It sounds like you’ve been waiting for this,” Wylan teases. “But I must say, your laugh is much prettier than any instrument.”

“You’re a sahap!” Jesper cries, squirming wildly against the mattress. It’s been a while since anyone has properly done this to him. Sure, the occasional one-night-stand had found a sensitive spot and gotten a few giggles out of him, and Inej sometimes poked his belly and ribs to either get his attention or shut him up.

Wylan is really good at this, which Jesper once again blames on musical talent. Why would a normal person need such dainty, dexterous fingers, if not to play pretty music, or to tickle their boyfriend into hysterics?

“Is this living up to your imagination?” Wylan asks, and although he’s grinning, there’s sincerity in the question.

 Jesper just nods, unable to form coherent words between giggling, as Wylan has found the terribly sensitive spot by his hip bones.

“Good, I’m glad. I’ll have to do this more often, since it’s occupying so much of your mind.”

Jesper whines, throwing a dramatic hand over his face, but he doesn’t protest. Honestly, he likes the sound of that. When his body has grown too tired to squirm, Wylan’s touch slows to a stop, before leaning down to kiss Jesper’s flushed cheek.

“You are absolutely adorable,” he says.

“Quiet,” Jesper replies, breathless. “Let me hold you, you master of all things musical, explosive, and ticklish.”

Wylan’s laugh is bright and bubbly as he snuggles into Jesper’s arms, face buried in the crook of his neck. “I’d be happy to make you laugh like that more often, just so you know.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed…As long as I can still return the favor,” he adds, tweaking Wylan’s side, who responds with a squeak.

“Fine,” he replies, trying and failing to sound exasperated by it.

Jesper grins. “The deal’s the deal, darling.”

Maybe it wasn’t such a foolish desire after all.