#someone help me I am falling into a fandom hole again

[paperstarry]

Somewhere between "Tsukasa Akeuraji, an aroace icon" and "Tsukasa, you want to to kiss Jun Yodaka soooooo badly" (both works too)

[oneeyedoctogod]

Disclaimer: long, extremely personal rant. Yes, it's also about mdzs and Jiang Cheng but mainly, it's about me trying to deal with my own trauma when I'm being hit in the face (metaphorically) with it by putting my feelings into words. The posting is so I don't erase it and force myself to forget about it.

You know it's funny, but as I was trying to sleep (and failing. Badly. It's 2:38 am.) I kept on finding myself thinking about why I didn't like Jiang Cheng. Because you see, it's rare for me to dislike a character that much, to the point I actually have blacklisted all his tags and avoid any fics that talk about him positively.

(Again, this is an extremely personal post about my own feelings. This is not meant as a rebuke if you love him. On the contrary. Keep doing what sparks joy. Just, you know, far away from me.)

I have a funny history with the mdzs fandom. I first started watching the donghua when it started airing back in... 2018? 2019? Can't remember for sure. Then I was left hungry for more because only the first season had aired, and it ended on a big cliffhanger. I saw it was an adaptation, so I went looking for the source material... and found the manhua (I was used to japanese animation at that point and thought that was it). The manhua was also being fan translated, and despite being extremely different (and confusing for poor past me), ALSO left me on a cliffhanger. I was desperate and saw someone pointing out there was a novel! I finally found it, read it in a few nights, and loved it. I read a bunch of fics, enjoyed myself, met and befriended people. Then I moved on after a while. I remember, distinctly, that I wasn't a big fan of Jiang Cheng but that I could at least stomach him in fics.

Last December, I felt the urge to reread some mdzs fics. I read some popular ones and, after falling into the animatics and amvs rabbit hole, decided to rewatch the donghua. Except for some reason, Jiang Cheng's character rubbed me wrong. I remembered not liking him much but he wasn't that bad in the fics so I couldn't see why he was so distasteful in the donghua. I'd been warned that the donghua wasn't that faithful (my own memory was extremely hazy), so I just shrugged it off. Maybe the people behind the donghua weren't fans of jc?

I saw there was an official translation of the novel and, by that point, DEEP into the hyper fixation, I bought all four available volumes and read them. At the same time, I was still reading fics. It was fine after all, I already knew the story.

By then, I had realized something was a little wrong with the characteristization. Some of the tropes given to Wei Wuxian rubbed me the wrong way. I looked it up a little (remade a tumblr, found amazing meta, the rest is history) and figured "Ah that must be cql fics. That's the problem."

And yes, that's true. In part.

The other problem lies with the particular way some people write Jiang Cheng. I'll be clear again: I have nothing against those people. Most of them I don't know and I'm aware this is very much a, shall we say, "me" problem. It's why I avoid the positive Jiang Cheng content. I don't care if you keep writing it so long as you keep it away from the canon jc tag.

But whenever people write Jiang Cheng and completely erase his crimes and abuse of both Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling, I feel it like a slap on the face.

Last Monday, I saw a therapist and talked about her about many things (I did warn this would be a very personal post). Part of it was my mother and her treatment of me and my brothers. And after barely a few words, she said, very simply "Oh so your mother abused you."

I already knew that. I use those words myself to describe my history with her. But the validation is always nice to hear, you know? Especially because so many people try or have tried to brush it off as "nothing." My own mother did, both about her own behaviour and when I was being abused by other people and tried to seek her help. Hell, even I still do it sometimes.

And I think that's why I hate Jiang Cheng so damn much now. His canon self is... Well, I'm not a fan, but he's a well-written antagonist. But dear gods, I've seen so many people brush off his canon characteristics to make him into a more palatable character, the loving uncle, the funny tsundere brother, the ace guy who hates mushy romance (let me tell you, as an ace person I am also real fucking tired of homophobic characters being hc as ace)... Even the ones who mention his bad parts feel the need to immediately add his achievements, as if they don't dare speak badly of their fave. "Yes, he tortured Wei Wuxian, but he also sacrificed his core to save him!" "Yes, he hit and verbally abused Jin Ling, but he also lovingly raised him!" "Yes, he tortured and killed innocent people but he also has trauma and had to lead a sect when he was so young!"

And this feels familiar, every time. This feels like the people telling me "Yes but it's not that bad" or saying "Yes your mother gave you panic attacks but she made sure you didn't fail at school" or "Yes but she made you love reading" or "Yes but she gave you so much, don't be selfish" or "Yes but she was here for you when you were depressed" or "Yes but she has it hard too" until I fell in the habit of saying "Sure, my mother insulted me and threatened me financially and there was a long, long time I was convinced she didn't love me... but."

Always that damn BUT.

So you might be able to understand why I have a hard time with Jiang Cheng when people pull the same shit all thenfucking time. I'm working on it because I'd rather not be stuck feeling anxious about a silly purple grape just because he happens to be fandom fave in my current hyperfixation but in the meantime, I have to deal with it and it's... annoying. To say the least.

(I'm going to insist here: I know that Jiang Cheng isn't my mother. That's not the point here. I am fully aware he's a fictional character and that me feeling that way is something I should be working on. I am. And I'm not telling people to stop writing positive content for him. This is just me trying to put into words my complicated feelings for a complicated character. And ranting, a little bit, about badly tagged fics I admit.)

It's easier on social media. You just block the characters tag and, if people bother you about it, you block them. Friends being friends, I just need to tell them "I don't feel comfortable talking about this character" or "let's agree to disagree on this interpretation" and because my friends are the best, they agree and we move on.

Fanfiction is where the problem lies.

I know why people erase the 'hard' parts, or at least I have a good guess. It's easier that way. Fanfiction is about having fun! It's about writing about your blorbos the way you want to! I don't want to police anyone's content. I'd just like it if people tagged their OOC and stopped trying to make me feel as if I'm the one who misread the book because I don't feel like erasing the canonical abuse this character did or because I don't like that they keep putting down my favorite character to uplift theirs.

I'm not sure how to conclude this. I should be sleeping honestly.

Let's try this: if you read this to the end, congrats I guess. I want to reiterate I don't care if you make Jiang Cheng into the most loving, best brother and uncle ever. Just be aware of what you're erasing first. And tag your goddamn fics.

[randoimago]

Marry Me

Fandom: Ace Attorney

Character(s): Apollo Justice

Type of Request: 3,000 Followers Oneshots

Note(s): Here's this post! I was requested two characters in the same post so I made a separate post for each of them and that's why this looks so empty >.<

"hi i love you so much marry me"

That was not what you expected to see when Apollo told you he'd text you about meeting up to hang out today. You just stopped what you were doing and stared at the text that very much was not how he typically texted. It was too relaxed and he would never lowercase an "i". Heck, looking back at previous texts, he hardly lowercased anything.

You begin texting back, only to stop as you see the bubbles pop up, letting you know that he was texting back. Well, he or someone else. With how often he gets his things stolen, you wouldn't be surprised if his phone was also taken too.

"DO NOT MARRY ME"

That caused you to snort as you knew Apollo had his phone back. You saw more dots for texting and watched as they vanished before coming back and vanishing again. Then your phone started getting a call.

"Hel-"

"It was Trucy! She took my phone! I didn't say any of that!"

"Apollo is so in love with you though!"

You had to pull your phone away from your ear at Apollo's yelling, missing what Trucy had replied with after. You think you heard Athena and Phoenix in the background, but their voices were also drowned out by Apollo's rapid apologies and excuses, and you had to save him from digging this hole.

"So, I'll see you at lunch still?" You ask, cutting him off. It's silent as your words process before Trucy pipes up.

"Yep, he'll see you then, bye!" A shout from Apollo followed before the phone was hung up. Well, that was something.

Apollo was mortified with what happened. He's sitting down with his head in his hands as Trucy and Athena are talking about flowers you like because there's no way Apollo is going to show up empty handed to confess.

"I have nothing to confess!" Apollo cuts them off, his face red and palms are sweaty. The girls stop and just stare at him. He sees Widget flashing and Phoenix chuckles.

"The Magatama doesn't lie, Apollo," Phoenix states and pats the completely red, besides his hair, boy on the back and walks out of his office, saying he'll get ramen for the group while telling Apollo to take you someplace classier, so you don't die from the salty ramen and Apollo finally gets accused of murder.

He is a nervous wreck as he gets ready to go to lunch with you. He told himself it was a friend date. He told Trucy it was a friend date. And that's what got his phone stolen and began the whole chaotic morning.

Apollo arrives twenty minutes early. The place isn't a super fancy restaurant, just a nice diner that Maya recommended before. He is waiting inside at a table and very nervous. The coffee hasn't helped his jittering. The waitress was getting annoyed with Apollo's single coffee and Apollo had given his twenty-seventh apology that day when you finally walked in, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"So this morning must have been something," you say and Apollo's head slams onto the diner table, causing a jump from a few other patron's as they look over and Apollo winces.

"Y- Yeah, sorry about that. Trucy was... was just being Trucy," he says and tries to smile but it falls flat as he looks at you. You just laugh at his expression, which does immediately make everything in the universe feel better.

"Good, I'd much prefer a confession in person than over text," you reply before talking about your day and Apollo has stopped listening. He is too stuck on what you had previously said. Were you serious? Maybe you're just messing with him? There's no way you said that.

"Apollo?"

"I AM FINE!" Is his immediate response, causing more of the clientele to glance to the table you both sat and that waitress to hate more of Apollo every second. Sorry Maya, he's never coming here again. Apollo takes a deep breath before looking to you. "W- What were you saying?"

"I was asking how you've been? Besides trying to marry me, that is." Apollo reddens more at your words. And now his mind is going back to what you had said about a confession. He just takes a deep breath and tries to think of something.

"I've been fine," he says and yes, it is his key phrase, but it's also the truth. He hasn't been involved in any complicated cases in a while. Things at the office have been good. And he's having this friend date with you. Something that he always has to remind himself that there's an emphasis on friend.

"I'm glad. I will fight your boss if you end up being overworked," you say and Apollo smiles at that.

"You can try, but I don't think anything could actually hurt him."

"I'll still try. You can defend me if he accidentally dies." Apollo chuckles and shakes his head, his previous nerves and embarrassment ebbing away, as it usually does when he has these moments with you. "Hey, you know I love you right?"

"Huh?" Any and all thoughts he had came to a crashing halt at your words. Did he hear you right? You loved him? You loved him?! "HUH?"

"Apollo-"

You didn't get to finish speaking as the waitress had enough and kicked you both out for the noise. Apollo apologized profusely, but it didn't matter as you now stood outside the diner.

"I am so sorry."

"It's okay, there's a park nearby," you tell him with a smile and Apollo nods as he follows you, his mind racing now as he's processing what you confessed to him in the diner. He keeps walking until he has to stop.

"Wait, can we talk?" He asks you and you stop and turn to look at him. Apollo sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he thinks. "You... You love me?" He asks again and the smile on your face and nod you give makes his heart beat fast.

"Yeah. I have for a while but was waiting to see if you confessed. I almost responded to the text this morning with 'let's go' until I saw you continued typing," you inform him and he's now upset that he interrupted his chance earlier.

"Ah, I see."

"If you don't like me ba-"

"I love you," he cut you off. He didn't shout, he didn't even raise his voice. It's his usual tone but with so much seriousness in his words. He's a bit surprised that he could even control his tone. A smile crosses your face and you nod.

"Great... Cool... Well, you got us kicked out of the diner so let's go to the park to finish our date instead." Apollo grinned and walked with you.

At least the park made it easier for the Wright Agency to spy on you both.

[yonemurishiroku]

Do you think that the solangelo contains more of a forceful representation, and if so, what is your advice to authors who are trying to make lgbtq+ representation seem more a part of the story/flow with the story then the opposing option?

May 22nd. I'm so sorry, my mind has been going off track for a while. I'm really sorry for the delay. 😭😭

So, regarding Solangelo as a representation, well this is gonna be hard to say lol. This has been circling the fandom since the day of its emergence, and this is certainly not a good time but eh penny for my thought ig.

Now. I suppose I have a very varying definition of representation, but let's not dwell on that. As for now, I can say that I do consider Solangelo somewhat forcefully developed. As in, the term of writing, plot-wise, etc...

It's quite difficult to say. I have no problem with Solangelo as a couple - or their dynamic - per se. Rather, it's the pacing that throws me off. This has been addressed in many posts - Solangelo has a quite... abrupt (?) takeoff. I just felt like Rick did not mean to make them a thing but just a spur of a moment - something small and... promising that you left hanging at the end of the series for reader's interpretation, for whatever reason (This actually lines up with Boo's time of releash I think? The LGBTQ+ literature being unpopular I mean).

In fact, Solangelo's whole developing process happened behind the curtains - as in, we're told, not shown. Imagine. In BOO, their friendship just barely sprouts, and the next time we see them again in TOA, they're already a couple. For the longest time possible, it was left to the reader/fanfic writers to deduce wth happen for them to become a couple in like idk 6 months? (A pretty fast process for someone like Nico imo. but that's just me).

Something like that is bound to raise some doubts.

The full picture itself is only revealed - partly, and through second reminiscence, mind you - in TSATS. It's also the reason TSATS feels kinda off to me, ig - the fact that some parts actually misalign with the established canon events, or appear like a patch to cover a hole in the piece of fabric. And some others just straight up fall into the what-the-f-was-in-your-mind-rick category. I doubt it was even Rick's initial plan to come up with TSATS in the first place.

However, it's also worth acknowledging that, whilst it would certainly help, Rick hardly has the capacity to fully-build another 5-book romance for Solangelo. That's as far as it can go (I usually think this to placate myself at the thought of the ship being undeveloped). Nico is not the franchise's protagonist (more like deuteragonist I guess), no matter how far this story goes and how widely loved he is, let alone Will.

On to the advice part.

Please keep in mind that I am, in no way, a professional or good writer, nor do I study sexual orientation and/or identity theory (I barely know the flags). I've also grown up and received education in an Estern (somewhat conserative?) country, so please take whatever I say with a grant of salt.

Now. When it comes to "make it seem more a part of the story", I... actually don't know how to say this...

Just look at the all the BL mangas (Japanese comics) and danmeis (Chinese BL literature) and BL manhwas (Korean comics). I have been reading BoyLove longggg before I even came to PJO, you know? The Eastern fandoms have surprisingly extensive LGBT content for a conservative culture, anw they have been telling and/or drawing stotries upon stories about same-sex couples since the dawn of internet. They don't even need to try. They have the image of a love, a story in their mind and just... go along with it.

You don't make it a part of the story. The story is either about it (much or little), or just nothing at all.

I'm saying making a story about it - rather than trying to incorporate it into the story. Give it background and enough development, it'd progress itself. You don't give it anything, of course it'd feel flat. This goes with any type of romance, not just LGBTQ+.

The problem with Solangelo itself, imo, is not the nature of their relationship (tho I do admit somtimes Rick makes me go wtf), but rather how they're portrayed. And furthermore, said portray in proportion to people's expectation. Solangelo, by all means, is a side-story at best (unless Rick manages to come up with a trilogy about their journey from start to finish idk 🤷‍♀️). People like it, so they tend to expect more from it, but the author's just a human.

I think this is everything... My thoughts are kinda in a jumble as I'm writing this, so feel free to ask if something doesn't make sense... This is also just my personal view lol don't take it too seriously if it differs from yours too much.

Lastly, I know my advice would probably not do much, however I hope for you to find your way to tell your stories the best you can!

[mutogamingco]

Five Comfort Characters, Five Tags

Tagged by: @keithhoward​

1. Yuugi Mutou - To the surprise of no one, as I write him here AND cosplay him. Not to mention I draw him so often in my sketchbook. I think I just latched onto him when I was first into the series as a kid and when I found out everything he went through that the DM anime and dub did not cover, I identified with him even more because of my own experiences with bullying. Not nearly as bad as his thank goodness, but bad enough that I needed to see that someone could come through it all and still be so kind. I love him so much, and he’s helped me through the darkest times in my life, re-entering it again when I needed him the most. As much as I did not like how the series ended, in the end with DSOD coming out around the time I returned to the fandom, exploring the character in grief helped me with my own. Cosplaying him at conventions also boosted my self esteem in ways I didn’t expect and it’s my most comfortable cosplay. It’s uncanny, but I notice the difference in how I feel about myself when dressed up, maybe because I was that kid that always admired alternative fashion but was never allowed to experiment with it.

2. Oz Vessalius & Gilbert Nightray - These two are a package deal and I will not separate them. I have cosplayed Oz in the past and he is the first cosplay I put together all on my own for my first anime convention. Again, there are aspects of his character I relate to on a deep, personal level, and I got very attached to him. Both of these guys need hugs. Oz may seem like a brand of mischievous sunshine, but there is darkness and sadness behind it., and his growth as a character is special to me. For Gilbert, it is a similar attachment, and I have RP’d as him in the past in private chats. His devotion to the people he loves is something to be admired, and he and Oz complement each other perfectly.In his words, it is not the light that connects him to Oz, but their shadows. I carried the first two volumes of Pandora Hearts in my bag every day in high school, and these two are on those covers. It quickly became my favorite manga and I still am not over it. Revisiting old AMVs/MMVs send me right back down the rabbit hole of when I first found the series at 17. The art drove me to work hard on my skills in order to do them justice, and the CLOTHES!!!! Just...mmm so gorgeous~~

3. Mistoffelees - I’m a theater kid at heart and it started with CATS. When I was about four PBS aired the 1998 recording in a special premiere and my mom let me stay up past my bedtime to watch it. She put out a mattress on the floor so we could both lay on it, and she was sure I would fall asleep halfway through. I was awake for the entire thing, enchanted, and my favorite was Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. She bought the VHS tape and I played it all the time, fast-forwarding to my favorite parts and spending lots of time trying to copy the dance moves. It’s a show I know a lot of history and random trivia about and I go see it live every chance I get. I love all of the characters for different reasons so I could argue for several of them being on my comfort character list, but Misto is the first I fixated on and it’s no wonder why. A small black cat that sparkles and does magic? What’s there not to love? Especially now that in the updated version of the show he covers himself, and the entire stage with rainbows and the big, plot relevant magic trick has been updated to a more impressive level. Only the strongest dancers are cast to play the role and every one I have seen live nailed it. (Also, he is one of the multiple queer-coded characters in the show and has been the face of all of the marketing since the revival in 2016.) He is another character I sketch a lot, because I love the character design I came up with in my style and would love to write him sometime.

4. Martin the Warrior - The character whose book ignited my love of reading as that was the point I discovered my favorite genre of books. I seem to gravitate towards characters that life is cruel to, but they come through it all and achieve greatness. There’s a reason the Redwall fandom affectionately calls him “Mouse Jesus”, as though there is no organized religion in the books, he is essentially a warrior saint and spirit guardian of the abbey he helped to build. Even with his pain, impulsiveness, and affliction of the Bloodwrath, he is a kind and devoted friend who will die fighting to save others so they may live in peace. He also has a found family that fills me with the warm fuzzies. Even in death, he is there as a friend who call Redwall home, and kin to those who hear the call to defend it. He may be just a mouse, but he never sat idle when there was something he could do in the face of adversity. Even as I revisit the books, and play a TTRPG themed after them, each and every time he makes an appearance I get such a thril! The fact he also offers help in the form of puzzles and riddles is also dear to my heart. I know there is one I can buy that is gorgeously designed, but now that I have a few beginner looms I want to take a crack at weaving a miniature version of his tapestry depiction myself, and I want to make a prop of his sword as well.

5. Matthias of Redwall - I considered cheating again and adding him to Martin’s ranking (because HA if you know, you know) but I decided not to. The book he first appears in was the first published, and though it is different in tone to a lot of the others as the author made some changes on how the world worked, his hero’s journey is one I know like the back of my hand. The animated show that was on PBS made quite a few changes but I still watched the episodes I own on DVD a ton and he just lives in my head rent free as THE Redwall mouse. If I draw a mouse wearing a green habit it’s most likely him. This kid had to work his tail off to become the warrior he was chosen to be by the end and the payoff is incredible, especially when listening to the audiobook (Marc Jacques and his distinct voice acting is a joy to listen to, at least for me!). He’s a freaking adorable, bumbling, ambitious young mouse and reading as he grows with each challenge is a joy for me. I think I enjoyed him even more as a character in the sequel, Mattimeo, because it’s unusual for a middle grade book to focus so much on adult characters--and he is a fully grown adult as he has a son who is coming of age. He grew into his role as Abbey Warrior so naturally and brought Martin’s story full circle in a way I did not realize on my first read and GAAAH I love it so much. I think if there is one thing I am sad about, is that none of the books featured him (or Martin for that matter) in their respective sunset years, which would have been interesting to compare.

Tagging: @lil-kissy @hisahku @sennenpharaoh @better-name-for-rp-blog @iilahalzili

[tojisun]

Hi! I’m the one who asked for writing tips, and while at first I thought I’d keep my identity a secret (as if this is Gossip Girl) I thought I’d saw my appreciation with my name on top! Most people write anonymous asks, but I know I love it when I know who I’m speaking to, so, officially ✨hello✨

I’m actually a writer from another fandom who expanded to JJK after reading the manga and falling into the Toji rabbit hole. I didn’t think I’d actually start writing about him myself, but I ultimately lost to my urges ;-; I’d already started writing a multi-part fic about him when I sent you my message, but still wanted to see how a pro Toji writer would advice me to go about it! Thankfully crossing from one fandom to the other seems like a smooth tradition? Too early to tell, but I am glad to join your ranks.

Your tips were quite helpful, and I couldn’t help but notice how warm you are as a person! Whenever I read your fanfics, I get this warm fuzzy feeling and I wondered what kind of person writes such fics, and reading your response sort of affirmed that it’s someone who loves writing and their fans. You are one of my fav Toji writers for that reason, because you see him through this lens of affection and love that really matches his character, and the love/affection he didn’t have growing up in his life. That feeling is irreplaceable imo.

BUT enough bootlicking ahaha if I’m being honest, I’ve never really written a fan letter before and it’s been about two months since I started reading your work and I had a lot of accumulated praise. How we break though… that broke me. I got actual tears in my eyes, and “hated” you for a moment because this was pure sadism 😭

Don’t think there’s anything more to say other than thank you for getting back to me, sorry for this mess of a message and I wish you all the best 💜

HI MIRTO!!! NICE TO OFFICIALLY MEET UUU! im genuinely sorry for replying to this late. my summer sem’s abt to end so the projects and papers and group presentations are beating my ass 😭

the toji rabbit hole is insane ur so real for this. i too was just tryna make sense of jjk when i fell into the toji rabbit hole myself and boom insane pining ensued. but AHHH the multi-part fic??? pls drop da link baby 🤲🏼

im so glad that ur transition to the fandom was smooth!!! i had a trouble once with transitioning to a fandom bc while i was frothing at the mouth at the idea of writing about them, i had so little grasp of accurate characterization that it ate me up and i just gave up so fast hdjsjhssj so hell yeee that u didnt go through that <333

and omg?? thank u so much hhhhsh i dont see myself a pro in terms of writing for toji but holy fuck thank you. AND THANK YOU again oh my god im so soft rn, my heart’s so full and hhhh im so happy to see that im able to convey the affection i have for both toji and my readers in my works!! you guys make it so worth it to write yk? and toji’s this amazing character thats so dynamic and complex and theres so much opportunity to world build. ugh i love him sm

i am a number one supporter of making toji soft as fuckk. my man deserves to be loved and to love just as kindly. and he can be the gruff dilf that he is but also still be soft and gentle and warm, yk??? he deserves to be that!!!

im laughing at the hwb comment omg shdjejd im still so happy that it is still getting interactions and that it leaves impression on readers 🥹 thank you for your guys’ pain teehee

no bc one of my friend came up to me n said they couldnt even pick up the manga bc they hated toji and omg i was like “nooooo hes not just an asshole u have to understand!!! hes just a human and sometimes love doesnt work out” and she was like “THATS EXACTLY WHY” and i knew that i accomplished my goal <33

but yea! thank you so much mirto for your message, pls dont apologize for it!!! i loved reading every sentence babe. and pls dont mind how long my response has gotten omg i just tend to ramble. take care darling <333

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

That Blood of Yours

Ao3

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Chapter: 1/?

Word Count: 1,533

Summary: There is nothing about this he understood. But here Stan was, with his twin brother in his creepy house who had nothing better to do than to summon a demon. Said demon wants to rule the world and is also a huge jerk. Luckily, this time Stan calls for help. Family is the most important thing in life, they say. If that doesn't backfire. Oh well, then the Pines' siblings have a lot to recover from, what about it?

Or: Ford doesn't go through the portal, instead he is possessed by Bill. Stan doesn't like what his twin has been up to at all and calls Shermie. Turns out: The Pines' boys all have struggles they weren't aware of. Bill Cipher is not helping.

Chapter 1: The House in the Woods

There is nothing about this he understood.

Here he is, with his twin brother, whom he hadn't seen for 10 years, mind you, in his basement. The creepy house in the middle of the woods of a town which isn't even on a map gave off enough "mad scientist vibes" already. Then said twin brother talked about a hole in their dimension, whatever that is supposed to mean.

It didn't even matter anyway. Not right now. What could he say? Things had gone… a little too out of hand; they got angry and now they are both in a fist fight as if they were teenagers.

"You don't care about your family! You only care about your dumb mysteries!", Stan shouted, followed by a left hook.

Ford fell. He didn't stand up.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. It couldn't have been that bad, right? He didn't want to knock him out! Stan knelt beside his brother, checking his pulse and looking for injuries. His own shoulder stung like hell, but Ford had priority right now. Even if he would never be forgiven.

Just when he wanted to pick up Ford's head to examine it, Ford began to shift and sat up.

"Sweet Moses, you're fine! I am so sorry, Ford!"

Ford turned his head so he could look at him. Stan jumped back. Panic and confusion rolled over him.

Ford's eyes were yellow. The grin he pulled was unsettling and inhuman. The whole atmosphere suddenly changed and the cold basement in the winter now felt like an ice chamber.

Ford started talking. "Oh, but Stanley! You have nothing to apologize for! You just helped me start my most incredible invention! We'll be famous, you and I!"

This wasn't his brother. He grew up with a pathological liar for a mother, he himself was a conman. Stan knew when someone made false statements.

"Who or what are you?", he asked with strong determination, preparing himself for a fight. This town was weirder than he thought.

That thing turned away from him, now facing the blue-glowing portal. The smile was still there. "You'll soon find out". Making eye contact with Stan again, he added, "But early introductions can't hurt. This dimension doesn't have much time left anyway. But don't worry, you'll be in the V. I. P. lounge right next to your lovely brother!"

Okay, something wants to take over their "dimension" and said something looks like Ford. In what weird sci-fi movie did he end up in.

The creature looked at him and offered its hand. Stan had to admit, these eyes were creepier than his darkest nightmares.

"Hi, name's Bill Cipher!", it greeted, limping towards Stan. Without thinking he crept backwards to the control panel.

"You don't need to be afraid of me. Your brother and I are friends! But I see you are much smarter than IQ here!", it laughed and it gave Stan the chills, reminding him of the horror films they used to watch.

Finally reaching the control room, he looked around real quick. There weren't any loose, heavy things except the chair. That will have to do.

"What did you do with Ford!", he yelled.

Deep breath. If it was Ford's body and not a clone or something alike then… a concussion is still better than being possessed, Stanley reasoned. The thing came closer and closer.

"Sixer made a deal with me! He helped me build this thing! My entrance to the party! I am just waiting until it's stable!"

The chair swung against its head and the body fell to the ground, unmoving.

He didn't feel as guilty as the first time when he knocked out his brother. The second time this day he kneeled beside him to check his pulse, much more hesitant.

Slowly he took one hand, pressing two fingers on the wrist. It's there. Faster than it probably should be, but it's there. That is all that matters.

Now the next question is: what to do next.

He didn't think this plan through.

The portal was glowing and a timer was ticking. But he had to secure his brother or his clone as well. Looking at the counter told him he still had several hours left, so securing Ford could go first. He really didn't want to meet this Bill again.

Best thing is to bring some distance between Bill and the portal. He picked his brother up and carried him towards the elevator. What the heck, Ford. Who has an elevator in their basement.

When the elevator stopped, he sighed at the sight of the stairs. His shoulder is going to kill him. Conquering them as well, he went to what seemed to be the living room once. It was full with books and papers and weird paranormal shit, but there was a coffee table with a radio and an armchair. Which also had nerd stuff on top. Great.

He tried his best to move everything from the armchair with his foot. Carefully he placed his brother on it. Now he needed something to keep him in place in case Bill decided to show up again.

After his unsuccessful search in the living room, he continued in what was probably an office. There was a desk, a couch, a bulletin board and the ugliest carpet Stan has ever seen. Wow, his brother had bad taste.

He went over to the desk, whose drawers were overflowing. After rummaging through the chaos, he finally found something that could be of use.

Back in the living room, he was glad seeing his brother was still unconscious. That didn't sound right. But it is still possible that this isn't really his brother. He just had to wait to find out.

A third roll of duct tape later, Stan considered another of his tasks accomplished. The scene now resembled a kidnapping, especially considering that they were in the woods of a dead end's town, but he had other things to worry about.

The silence was deafening. And it left Stan alone with his thoughts. His brother hated him or was impersonated by something. His brother built a portal which someone named Bill Cipher wants to use to conquer earth. And it was still on. If this is his brother, he is an absolute mess and if not, he has no idea where he is.

All in all, Stan came to a conclusion: the supernatural is dangerous.

The pain in his shoulder was still strong, so he decided that should be the next task. Less to screw up than if he tried shutting down the portal.

He went to the bathroom, which was by far the tidiest room. Which just showcased how much of a mess the rest of the house is, as the cabinet's are wild open and clothes are littered in a pile.

Stan approached the cabinet with the mirror first, in hope of finding a first aid kit there.

That's when a red stain on the sink caught his attention. His eyes went wide and a gasp escaped his mouth. Was this… was this dried blood?

Next to the sink is a small trash can, filled to the brim. Bandages upon bandages, mixed with gauze pads, all spotted with the same haunting color.

This home was a horror house and his brother can't escape it.

The anger from earlier was now replaced by worry.

There was a first aid kit, but it was empty. Maybe the wound didn't need treatment and would heal from alone. Unlikely, but still possible. So he examined it in the mirror and- ouch, that is a nasty one. It seemed leathery, but it didn't bleed. Cooling will do it.

Of course his nerd brother didn't have anything in the freezer. Creativity is man's best friend. Looking out of the window, he got an idea.

With an idea in mind he grabbed the cleanest cloth, went outside, filled it with snow and closed it up with the duct tape he put in his pocket.

Immediately his skin felt better. Back inside he went to check up on his brother and nope, he's still asleep. If he thought about it, he had to admit that he's pretty tired himself. On second thought, he doubted that he could fall asleep with all the thoughts racing through his mind, which he didn't want to unpack just yet.

Instead, he toured through the house and made some interesting discoveries. For one, the home didn't really seem like a home and more like a lab. Second, his brother had some weird obsession with geometrical decorations. If the boxes upon boxes of décor pyramids and carpets with triangles in the attic were anywhere to go by.

What's more, he felt like being watched up there. And not just there. The whole house gave him goosebumps if he didn't look over his shoulders every once in a while. It didn't make sense, because no one else lived here.

A yelp spread across the silent cabin and Stan rushed to the living room, where his brother was strapped to the chair, unable to free himself. His eyes were normal again.

They had a long conversation ahead of themselves.

-----

Brx jrw ph wklv wlph, exw wkh frxqwhu lv frxqwlqj grzq. Vhh brx vrrq! Dqg grq'w irujhw:

L dp zdwfklqj brx

[gladiatortale]

Therapeutic Fandom Obsessions Round 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO 🎉🎉 ...with some MAJOR edits lol

EDIT: oh what a fucking STORY THIS ONE IS. so. I had every intention in the universe of posting this in January like I did last year... but my partner at the time happened to read (as you'll see down below) the lil "life updates" section over my shoulder and THAT is how he found out I have been (still am??) questioning my gender identity.

It was not a conversation I was ready to have with him/ wanted to have with him (which maybe should have been a bigger red flag... BUT I DIGRESS), and it began a six month winding path to the collapse of our relationship. Was this the only thing? No. Did it, in conjunction with the fights we both had and weren't having (it was weird...), become what did us in in the end? Yeah. Little bit.

I was in a swirl of emotions from the time the conversation happened until the break up, and I'm still in a bit of a swirl now. But I'm doing better. Feeling more myself than I have in a while, and being forced to FEEL my emotions and not lean on/ focus on someone else's emotions (AND BOY HOWDY is my brain fucking LOUD without a good distraction). I've found some "good distractions" in the last six months, but mostly found joy the company of friends and their phenomenal support. I'll fill you in on all that nonsense next year (or in January because this is the halfway point lol) so stay tuned for part three! ;) But INDUDGE ME FRIENDS. Pretend we're still in January with my fandom recaps! And I hope you find some joy in my blast from the past xxx

END EDIT.

hellooooOOOOOO EVERYONE!! Thought you'd seen the last of these posts from me?? THINK AGAIN.

Is it a little late to be posting a New Year's post? MAYBE. Did my partner come to visit and it took up all my attention because I missed him more that words could say??? ALSO MAYBE. lol

But I guess you can call this my official decision to make this an annual thing. *shrugs*

Well. What a fucking year. Somehow someway my mental health (are we even allowed to say that on here anymore???) has improved this year. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a hopeless insomniac, and you could practically set your calendar by the cycles of my seasonal depression. But somehow, in spite of all that, I've actually made strides toward feeling better.

MINI RECAP.

I moved to California to take care of my grandmother (and she managed to take care of me in ways I never expected).

I'm finally moving forward with a diagnosis (still up in the air on what the fuck is going on BUT HEY. PROGRESS).

Had an (ongoing) gender crisis that was NOT FUN to deal with so late in the game... but still glad it happened.

I found a job I really enjoy in a field I've always wanted to get in to.

And perhaps most importantly, I've reframed the way I think about from "getting better" to "feeling better." --- Said this last year, but I don't think whatever is going on upstairs is something I'll really ever truly "heal" from. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try and make myself feel better.

And between the little ways (reframing my phrasing and thinking), to the much bigger shit (facing my fears around doctors, diagnoses, and medicine), I've made progress I can be proud of this year.

And perhaps my hyper fixations are only salve and bandaids on top of much bigger wounds, but they (AND THE BLESSED AND BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE THAT ENJOYED THEM WITH ME) helped me get through a tough year.

So I hope everyone that's reading this found some joy in 2021 and will find so much more of it in 2022. And hey, if you're looking for a rabbit hole to fall down in search of some dopamine... this list this always here, and I'm ALWAYS around to chat ;)

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PLEASE ENJOY MY OBSESSIONS OF 2021 🎉🎉

January 2021 -- Bungou Stray Dogs (Anime/Manga)

DAMN DANIEL BACK AT IT AGAIN???? (Did I just bring a vine reference into a post from 2021? Yes. Yes. I did.) but LORD IN HEAVEN, I'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT.

STORYTIME. In November of last year, I managed to drag @idancewiththefairies down the anime rabbit hole with me and she wanted some recommendations for Top Tier shows after finishing Yuri!!! On Ice. I tossed Bungou Stray Dogs in her general direction and the rest is history.

HOLY HELL did my fandom obsession come back with a burning passion. The flame was FULLY reignited and I'm so glad it was.

Joined the fandom: April 2020

Obsession peaked: I *THOUGHT* it peaked in 2020, but that was NOTHING compared to January 2021.

Fandom friends: @idancewiththefairies hi ;) xxx, @lil-1nsane, @aeriamamaduck -- I've managed to kidnap all the usual suspects...

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'The Shinigami' by @cataclysmicevent2019 -- Supernatural Yakuza AU. She was already the unprecedented QUEEN of BSD and Soukoku fics in my mind and had earned my undying loyalty... AND HOLY HELL THIS FIC just reinforced that even more. Desperately waiting for this one to finish updating.

'Always Yours' by @cataclysmicevent2019 -- ABO period piece with arranged marriage(s). God bless Rachel and her eternal undying patience to put up with me as she waited a million fucking years for me to finish this fic. AAAAAHHHHHHHH. HOW DID YOU DO THAT??? oh man oh man oh man. This fic is a DOOZY. Lures you in with a false sense of security and then breaks your fucking neck with chapter 6. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND YOU WILL LOVE IT.

Favourite moments:

Pacing back and forth in my aunt's garden (and getting a nasty sunburn) for hours voice noting with Rachel around fan theories and fanfiction recs.

Finally getting in to the manga -- and boy HOWDY did I REALLY get in to it (RIP my wallet).

Commissioning one of my favourite artists to do a piece for one of my favourite fanfics -- THIS MASTERPIECE if you haven't seen it already.

March 2021 -- Violet Evergarden (Anime/Movie)

Full disclosure. I don't cry at movies. I just don't. Honestly wish I could, you all make it sound so therapeutic. BUT THIS SHOW. oooooOOOOHHHHOO LORD. THIS FUCKING SHOW. TO SAY I WAS UNPREPARED FOR HOW THIS WAS GONNA MAKE ME FEEL IS THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR.

Violet Evergarden had been floating through my Netflix recommendations for nearly two years by the time I decided to pick it up this past March. BRILLIANT DECISION this is one of those shows that is FULLY worth the hype.

And KYO ANI, stunningly gorgeous as always. Watching any one of their beautifully animated shows from pre-arson attack days is always tinged with a touch of melancholy, but it is nice to think the animators live on through their art if even in a small way.

Go watch it if you haven't; the message is timeless, the world building and character development are both stunning, with an art style that is simply out of this world.

Joined the fandom: March 2021

Obsession peaked: Around the same time -- this was a fast and fierce love affair.

Fandom friends: Aileen xxx

Fanfics you NEED to read: SEND ME YOUR RECS IF YOU KNOW ANY GOOD ONES.

Favourite moments:

EPISODE TEN. HOLY HELL IN A HAND BASKET. Can you call a borderline trauma response a favourite moment??? idk brah but it was soooo good. Literally had to watch the end like three times bc I kept crying and missing the subtitles...

Catching up with the show in time to watch the final movie in the cinema (in a rare moment when the pandemic was a bit more mild... what a hopeful time lol).

FINALLY getting my non-anime friend into the medium with this show (and making her cry at the same part as me).

March 2021 -- Figure Skating (Sport)

At the risk of this list becoming just the same as 2020's recap... here is the SECOND fandom to make a reappearance!

I don't think my love for this sport is ever really going to dwindle or die, but it certainly has had its moments when it's shone brighter and March 2021 was definitely one of them.

I got myself up at ASS CRACK O'CLOCK in the morning on the day of worlds (and then again like three weeks later for WTT) to scream in silence as the sun came up and I FREAKED OUT ABOUT THAT RESULT (hooooLEEEE MOTHER I did NOT see that one coming).

Joined the fandom: Childhood. 'Tis one of my oldest fandoms. Obsession peaked: (re)peaked in March of 2021. Fandom friends: HARUKA YOU QUEEN. Thank you for staying up/ waking up to chat with me xxx Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE ABOUT REAL PEOPLE NOOOOO THANK YOU. Favourite moments:

Live reacting and Instagram story-ing to World's at ASS CRACK O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING (thank you California and your ridiculous timezone).

Kaori and her stunning Matrix skate at all times this season but ESPECIALLY at Team Trophy.

Ranting with Rachel as always ;) xx

April 2021 -- Demon Slayer (Anime/Movie)

Sandra my dear. I should never doubt your recs (and yet somehow I'm still dragging my feet on FMAB...) BUT THIS TIME. I ACTUALLY TOOK YOUR ADVICE IN A TIMELY FASHION. Best decision of 2021.

OOOOOH THE ANGST. OOOOOOOOOH THE ANIMATION (!!!). I was not prepared for how this show was gonna fucking WRECK me. Walked into it thinking, "hmmm, monster-of-the-week-shounen. how bad could it be?"

BAD. VERY BAD. SO VERY BAD. but also SOOOO FUCKING GOOD. If season two and Mugen Train haven't made you hop on the bandwagon at this point idk what will. But believe me when I say this is FAR from your run-of-the-mill action/monster shounen.

Joined the fandom: April 2021

Obsession peaked: Almost immediately after.

Fandom friends: PAULIUS MA BOIIII, @aeriamamaduck thank you Sandra xxx.

Fanfics you NEED to read: Some how I haven't gotten around to this fandom yet, but I know it's coming.

Favourite moments:

Driving down the 405 and singing along to 'Gurenge' on full blast after watching Mugen Train (I NEEDED A PLACE FOR MY FEELINGS TO GO.)

Managing to stay spoiler free for TWO YEARS... but then seeing a spoiler on a Gigguk video THAT DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH DEMON SLAYER. still salty...

Eating my words on this being an overhyped shounen. Sometimes it feels great to be wrong.

May 2021 -- Fruits Basket (Anime)

oh my babies how i've fucking missed you... WAY BACK IN THE YESTERYEAR OF THE ANIME DARK AGES (lol) when your lil bean was just getting in to anime, this title came up CONSTANTLY on "must watch lists." And while I feel like I eventually learned the plot through osmosis without ever sitting down to watch the full thing.

FAST FORWARD TO MARCH OF 2021. I am hit by the sudden unexplained urge to fucking RAWDOG one of the most traumatic scenes in shojo anime (perhaps all of anime) with no build-up, no foreplay. Yes, season 1, episode 24 (WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???)

FAST FORWARD AGAIN TO LATE APRIL OF 2021. I am pulled head-fucking-first into the orbit of a fandom I'd been skating around for nearly a decade and I have ZERO regrets. The anime broke my heart and put it back together again all at once, a GORGEOUS and fitting end to the Furuba saga.

Joined the fandom: idk brah... somewhere in my past??? Feels like I was kind of always there in some way.

Obsession peaked: May 2021. I could not fucking shut up about it.

Fandom friends: Raneen. Thank you for you stunning edits my dear.

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'I'll Be Standing By You' by Eboni -- Cancer Death Fic. OHHHH MAAAAAN. I read the tags. I often actively CHOOSE death fics. I knew what I was getting in to. *inhale* BUT HOLY HELL THIS HURTS LIKE A BITCH. Told almost exclusively from Yuki's POV, this stunning portrayal of the Sohma family faced the impossible and impending reality of Tohru's death fucking was so unbelievably good. If you're brave enough, READ IT.

'Another Banquet?' by SailorSong -- Future Fic, One-shot. Sweet future fic, largely canon compliant and some pseudo-angsty banter between Kyo and Yuki that warmed my cold dead heart.

Favourite moments:

Losing my fucking MARBLES with Yuki and Kyo's backstories in season 2, part 2 (THE ANGST. THE HAT. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS. I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT.)

Yuki and Kyo FINALLY having it out when the truth is revealed in season 3. ("Me!? I was jealous of you!" OH LORD SAVE ME. NOW I will never get over it EVEN MORE.)

June 2021 -- The Case Study of Vanitas (Manga)

Ass-kicking bisexuals. That's it. That's the whole show. Well... not the whole show, but a sizable portion gives off the *vibe* ya know? ;)

This was one of the first times I started with the manga rather than waiting for the anime. holy fuck I'm so glad I was impatient. Both Jun Mochizuki's art style and the story itself are so stunning (and the manga covers are just breathtaking so I recommend picking them up if you get the chance).

I specify with this series that I've only really become invested in the manga because despite the anime coming out around the same time, I've really had trouble sinking my teeth (heh. vampires. teeth.) into for some reason. I think the truth lies in the manga itself; the anime is very true to the manga but both are pretty slow in the beginning. Other than a very sneaky plot point revealed at the end of episode one (and chapter one) it does drag for the first couple of chapters, and THEN takes off like a shot. For people looking to get into either version KEEP GOING, it is soooo worth it. But even I will admit it *is* a slow start.

Joined the fandom: June 2021

Obsession peaked: Hilariously peaked right after I finished reading volume 8... oh the irony.

Fandom friends: Annika (@/mid_wintxr on insta), your edits kill me dead girlie xx

Fanfics you NEED to read: NEED to get around to fics in this fandom. I can just TELL they're gonna be good.

Favourite moments:

Driving all the way to fucking San Diego in pursuit of volume one of the manga during a printing shortage. Sounds way less fun than it actually was.

Getting through my first manga binge read with this series.

July 2021 -- Given (Anime/Movie)

In direct contrast to my previous month's obsession... bisexuals I would like to give an ass-kicking to.

HOOOOOOEEEE BOIIIII. Idk what I was expecting y'all but there was WAAAAAY more angst than I prepared for. HOLY FUCK. The Yuki plotline??? THE MOVIE?????

Joined the fandom: July 2021

Obsession peaked: also July 2021

Fandom friends: Fiji @lil-1nsane, thanks for suffering with me.

Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven't found any that have really grabbed me yet.

Favourite moments:

Jumping around the house like a madwoman as I kept pausing the movie because I was so stressed.

Playing a game of "musical chairs" with different Barnes & Noble locations trying to find the later volumes during a paper shortage... (idk if this counts as a "fave" moment, but it was sure memorable).

August 2021 -- Free! Iwatobi Swim Club (Anime/Movie)

Lord in heaven, I have never been so late to the party. To be honest, it shocks even me that I jumped on the Yuri On Ice train before paying dues to its Queer-Subtext-So-Overt-It-Stops-Being-Subtext older sibling show. (Literally this show is the sports anime equivalent of, "This bitch walked, she fucking strutted that runway mama, so that PEPPA. COULD. RUUUUUUN!!") But hey, better (EIGHT YEARS) later than never.

OH MAN. I did not count of how much these boys would fucking crush my heart. As a former competitive high school and recruited college athlete (shocking I know lol), this hit me in the feels WAAAAY harder than I was expecting. The subtle undercurrent of pressure and angst (tied together with a fucking BRILLIANT voice cast) made the show feel more real, and completely addicting to watch.

So if somehow you have managed to avoid this gem over the last decade, and are looking for a high school sports anime that is angstier than Haikyuu (I'm sorry Haikyuu fans please don't kill me xD) THIS is the perfect place to go.

Joined the fandom: July or August of 2021. Harder to pin this one down bc I spent months TALKING about picking up this show without ever actually DOING it.

Obsession peaked: September-ish? But tbh still going strong. This show has quickly snuck up into my favourites list.

Fandom friends: Rachel... FINISH SEASON TWO DAMMIT.

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'Coral and Bone' by @macbetha -- Mermaid AU. this fucking fic... Honestly? I don't know why I started reading it. I'm not normally a fan of the mermaid AU, but MAAAAAAN. This fic had me eating my fucking WORDS. I normally need to be hyper focused when reading, but I simply could not put this down. I was RAVENOUSLY reading it on a ten hour noisy AirFrance flight, and it felt like I was alone (and sobbing) in my own little world. ALSO Makoto and Haru may be the main couple... BUT THE SAMEZUKA BOYS STEAL THE FUCKING SPOTLIGHT in this. omg THE TWIST. AND THE SCENE WITH THE ANCHOR. AND NITORI WITH THE--- aaaaaahhhhhhh. read it. just read it.

'Eyes Wide Open All The Time' by @macbetha -- Gritty drug and prostitution AU with a shocking amount of heart and pathos. Confession time. I have not finished reading this one. HOWEVER, chapter one *A L O N E* is enough of a reason for you to pic up this fic. It is LOOOONG (chapter one is nearly 20,000 words all on its own), but the world building is SOOOO fucking solid and it's the perfect amount of angst for your resident angst queen over here (read: a fucking HIGH amount).

Favourite moments:

The antagonist to snarky deuteragonist trend that I saw unfold from season to season. (Rin, Ikuya, I see you I see you).

SOUSUKE AND RIN. HOLY FUCK. like LISTEN. I was fully in the RinHaru camp at the end of season one. But the season two twist??? and the A N G S T. *chef's kiss*

^^^ follow up to this one. MAKOHARU. *chef's kiss*

The whole of the Samezuka team. I love me my Iwatobi darlings, but there's just something about these chaotic fools that warms my heart.

The waves of swimming nostalgia I was hit with that made me want to get back in to swimming.

November 2021 -- Vampire Knight (Anime/Manga)

L I S T E N. I CAN EXPLAIN… okay maybe no I can’t… flipped this soap opera of an anime on a few weeks back when I saw it on Netflix (the motivation to do so lying halfway between idle curiosity and my desire to fact check a few things a literal DECADE on from my first watch). I was NOT counting on this shit sucking me back down the proverbial rabbit hole.

Is it a masterpiece? FUCK NO.

Is it even all that good? Eh *shrugs* Not really. The show/series had a LOT of potential (which is why pics are essential in this fandom and I am GETTING THERE) that it truthfully never really lived up to.

Is the show worth the watch? ABSOLUTELY. Maybe this is nostalgia talking, but it’s a fun show. Dark and moody and very atmospheric, the anime is wildly melodramatic with interesting characters and the charm of late 2000s shojo that helped get me into anime in the first place. So pop open a bottle of (red) wine, sit down with ya friends and watch this teenage train wreck run it’s course. You can thank me later ;)

Joined the fandom: Like???? June 2011?? Fun fact! It was my first “big kid” anime! (I… I imagine that explains a lot)

Obsession peaked: NOVEMBER 2021. BC NOW I HAVE ADULT MONEY WITH WHICH TO MAKE POOR DECISIONS.

Fandom friends: Sandra @aeriamamaduck (imma drag you back to hell with me babes xxx)

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'The Week of Four Thursdays' by @madmaenad -- holy god good gracious lordt in high heaven... this fic... this M O T H E R F U C K I N G MASTERPIECE OF A FIC. It is a *inhale* 400,000 word, arranged political marriage, faking-dating-to-real-dating, (mostly) canon compliant, ABO, fix-it fic WITH A POLYSHIP and it has RUINED ME. OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDD. It goes without exaggeration when I say this IMMEDIATELY shot up to my top 3 favourite fics of ALL TIME. It is beyond words. Her characterization of Zero, Yuuki, and Kaname is SPOT ON, while interlacing the framework of the characters with a maturity and nuance they FUCKING DESERVED, but never got in canon. It literally fixes everything. AND THE SMUT???? *chef's kiss* Never has a fic more rightly earned the "fix-it" mantel. GOOOO REEEEAD IT.

Favourite moments:

Watching it again ten years on and hit with waves of nostalgia.

Watching it again... AND NOTICING ALL THE QUEER CODED CHARACTERS (I see you Aido... I see you xD). They're everywhere, almost hilarious that I missed it the first time.

Any Zero and Kaname interaction. THESE BOYS. THE DRAMA. THE TENSION.

T A K U M A I C H I J O. MY PRECIOUS BOYYYY.

THAT FUCKING SCENE WITH ZERO AND ICHIRU. *animalistic wails of pain* WHYYY???? (can a scene that sad be a fave? Yes. Yes it can.)

December 2021 -- Blue Period (Manga)

wow. just. wow.

OKAY. STORY TIME.

Is it a bit cliche to call this a masterpiece when everyone else has said that a thousand times before? Perhaps.

Joined the fandom: This bad boy slipped on to my radar just after I started working at the bookstore.

Obsession peaked: I chewed through

Fandom friends: COME FIND MEEEEEE.

Fanfics you NEED to read: None yet, but give me recs if you have them!

Favourite moments: ALL OF CHAPTER ONE. The conversations about talent are just *chef's kiss*

Honorable Mentions:

Yuri!!! On Ice (Anime): Ah YOI... My indomitable steadfast love... Honestly? I could give this a section all on it's own as a "constant back of mind" fandom. It pulled me back into my love of anime and brought me closer to some of my favourite people in the world. Eternally making history and eternally in my heart.

Haikyuu!! (Anime): Listen y'all... I have T R I E D (and failed) WITH THIS BITCH TWICE ALREADY. It's just *too* happy. A GORL NEEDS HER ANGST OKAY?? But I think 2022 is gonna be the year (or a girl can dream can't she???) *shrugs*

Sk8 the Infinity (Anime): SPEAKING OF GAY SPORTS ANIME!! lol this was such a flashbomb love affair. Loved the series and was obsessed with it (and the stellar fanfics) for about three weeks... and then my love fled like the wind. Cherry's story (and the subtextual past abuse that is so beautifully implied) RUINED me. 10 out of 10. Everyone should watch.

[fkinavocado]

Dreea I am trying my best to get out of this stan world, it's making me very sad, I am aware that expecting something out of the people you don't know is so dumb and that I should never give someone else the power to control my happiness even a little bit but the lockdown made me fall into the rabbit hole of this fandom and I really want to get out of it but I also don't want to stop reading the amazing fics but then again when I read them I fall into the same vicious cycle.

Please help me, I am 25, too old to behave like a clueless teenager

wish i had some sound advice to give you but i can't very well do that when none of what i've been trying has helped me not let it get to me/dampen my mood also. the only real solution would be to get off tumblr for good but like you mentioned, i don't wanna give up fanfiction too cuz i love reading/writing

[starfallen-selfshipper]

🎶i'm a creep i'm a weirdo🎶

here's an introductory post (also i apologize in advance to anyone interact with who is uncomfortable sharing any F/Os or if i fit in your DNI i check people's bio/pinned/card i just didn't see it)

i'm orion i am proship and this is a selfship blog i made because i think there are to many antis in the tmnt fandom (i am obsessed with raph. i've been in this fandom since i was 12 someone help/j)

edit third round:

i am a very forgotful person so expect me to edit this post a lot as i remember things and my whims

i don't really have a dni because the people i would put in one wouldn't respect it anyway. well aside from minors i don't want minors interacting with me

nsfw post will be under the nsft tag as well as a community label (you will be warned of kinks on top of the read more)

on a similar note look out for these tags:

cw: age gap

yandere

cw: grooming

cw: pokephilia

cw: noncon

cw: drugs

cw: drugging

i don't know how active i will be i have pretty bad chronic fatigue so i might fall off of the face of the earth sometimes

while this blog will most likely be mostly about tmnt i might post other fandoms too

while i have a gaint obsession with raph i also like donnie too so expect to see him as well

I am fairly political so a warning for that as well because i do not fuck around with people's lives (i wish caring about genocides wasn't political fuck the government)

one more thing i should mention is i am a therian/otherkin so you might see post about it from time to time

edit part two electric boogaloo:

list of my kins/theriotypes

animal:

spider (black widow, regal jumper and diving bell),

firefly,

moth (luna moth, and deaths head hawk moth),

celestial:

bee (honey bee, bumble bee, and vulter bee),

cat (just a normal old black cat),

star,

moon,

comet,

black-hole,

object:

ball jointed doll

edit:

i've seen some other self shippers do this so...

here's an ever expanding F/O list and the emojis i will be using for them from now on: (note: i don't mind doubles and all F/Os are romantic unless it is stated otherwise) edit: yandere F/Os will have this 🔪 emoji at the beginning of there names

2012 tmnt:

🔪raph 😡🐢

donnie 🟣🐢

rottmnt:

raph 🧸❤️ (again lol)

🔪donnie 🕺💜 (i have an odd attachment to these two turtles it seems)

Pokemon:

🔪piers 🤍🖤 (sword/sheild)

allister 🎭👻 (sword/shield)

🔪guzma 🪲🐛 (sun/moon)

🔪nanu 🐈‍⬛️🚨 (sun/moon)

🔪larry 💼🐦 (scarlet/violet)

midnight lycanroc name: eclipse⚧️ (shiny) 🐺✨️

goodra⚧️ name: gumdrop 🐌☂️

lowkey toxtricity⚧️ name: roxy⚡️🎸

garchomp♂️ name: treasure🐉💎

umbreon⚧️ name: silver (shiny) ✨️🌙

Gardevoir♂️ name:wisp 🌌🩰

Feraligatr♀️ name: pearl 🐊💧

ceruledge♀️ name: sapphire ⚔️🔷️

minecraft:

🔪piglin brute♂️ name: bruce 🐷🪓

🔪enderman♀️ name: tulip 🔮⚫️

hazbin hotel:

valentino 🚬❣️

helluva boss:

mammon 💵💰

asmodeus 🐓💙

fnaf:

🔪sun 🌞🎭

🔪moon 🌜🎭

eclipse 🌑🃏

glamrock freddy 🎤🐻

fallout:

hancock 🍃🚬 (fallout 4)

nick ❤️🤖 (fallout 4)

bnha/mha:

fatgum 🟠🍜

legends of zelda:

sidon ❤️🦈 (breath of the wild)

rune factory:

murakumo 🐺💜 (rune factory 5)

ludmila 💗🌹 (rune factory 5)

ryker 🌑⚔️ (rune factory 5)

S/I ages and emoji list: (note none of my S/Is are or ever will be my actual age i wish to remain as ambiguous as possible)

mars 22 🪐🕸 (2012tmnt)

mars 22 🦋🌙 (rottmnt also there's no moth emoji rip)

nova 13 🌠☠️ (pokemon)

atlas 24 🐝🏡(minecraft)

aster ☄️🥁 (fnaf security breach)

lunar 22 🌘😈 (helluva boss)

celeste 🔥🖤 (hazbin hotel)

cosmo 24 🦈🩺 (fallout 4)

stellan 18 🌑✨️ (bnha/mha)

i don't have S/Is for rune factory or legends of zelda at this point

[kyrodo]

We... sussed out kaskat's group XD of all people. I never expected him to pull me away to another room lol when I turned on player pick up. Even stranger still I never expected to hop off kaskat's instance early to watch kirby. And uhhh we're being shipped together again in places I didn't expect xD choskey has been sweeter with me, and I can feel my heart melting when we're around each other. And Red is getting jealous unfortunately >.> tbh I don't know how things will progress from here. I'm more focused on the journey than the destination at this point, because the journey has been really fun. I have so many things to think about. Small things here and there that C himself has initiated and videos he's shared that relate to us. It would be difficult at this point to say I'm not his crush. And I'm really happy being around him. Petting him. Helping him understand programming. Planning out projects we'll work on together. Or things to play and watch. Helping him find his identity in the furry fandom. Helping him grow. I've helped him in so many ways and had gratitude expressed for it. And thinking back now I think cho wanted the same thing I did from vrchat. A default. Not just random people to visit now and then but someone to plan out things to do with. And that's what I became. People keep saying we're cute together. People keep matching us together onsite in public lobbies even when we're not even doing anything. Just for showing up in our avatars. But it perfectly reflects how I feel inside. I don't want to cheat or hurt Red and I don't think cho wants that either but I do love him a lot. I feel the fire burning inside with so much more weight to it than random fantasies I've had for Twitter mutuals and the like. Memories. Expressions. Identity. Personality. Interactions. Fantasies. This constant study of everything we share and do together and what he could be thinking from them. It is a much more proper crush than all the times I've admired anyone from afar. And one where I know for a fact we get along really well. The problem as always is the destination. Where can love grow when I'm already mated. And I am much more comfortable with the concept of polyamory than I was before, I didn't think I'd actually get anywhere close to it being a reality. I didn't think I'd ever meet anyone that would make me seriously consider it. Though I've certainly been in this hole a lot over the past few years. Red is unfortunately not enough to fulfill my social needs. Gaming wise or activity wise or even sexually if I want to think that far. Red always stops things early. Or regrets the recreational time we share when he'd rather be productive. Or is hyper picky about food, bright lights, socializing etc. I don't fully embrace his worship for emergency services, especially police. I get no assistance finding things to actually do together. So I think a part of me is constantly looking for someone to fill in the gaps that he leaves behind. And maybe that's why I keep falling in love. I desperately need something that I'm not getting sitting still. But I have to be very careful about it. I can't start relationships with people other than Red. I don't want to be known for that. So I'm basically trying to get as close as I can to one without actually making that final step. But again there's no final goal beyond spending as much time as I can with my crush. A situation I never seem to escape but learned to navigate better and safer.

I genuinely and deeply care for choskey. I want to see him happy. I want to see him grow. And I want to spend as much time as I can with him. Because it makes me feel extremely happy. A part of me constantly wishes I could be so much more for him. But maybe this is all I need.

And I know a part of it is to also make up for my trauma, my social and romantic failings. But there's so much more depth to it than that now. Cho's personality and presence is baked into my life now, my daily thoughts, my dreams and wishes. There are very good reasons for me to feel the way I do, reasons even people on the outside would have to respect I think. I mostly wish I had always been this respectful. I would never have gotten hurt at the very least, or at least it would have hurt quieter and without any added drama. Even though I keep falling in love, I'm proud of who I am now, and I don't feel as ashamed about it.

[utawithoutart]

[Dark/Damien x Reader] When our souls meet again.

Following a female reader through WKM, ADWM and AHWM.

TW: mention of death and suicide

Disclaimer: I am not a native English speaker, nor am I a writer in any way. I wrote this a long while back and now that I have left the fandom, I’m uploading this here hoping someone will enjoy it :)

Wordcount: 4.2k

Synopsis: You could never forget the ordeal that happened in the manor, as it changed your life, and also left you an entity without a proper body. All you’ve got for yourself now is a gift from the man who you love most, and the curse that came with it.

---

---

“It was that pin, is it?” He muttered from under the throat, still trying to deny the existence of yours, that is standing in front of him.

How can you say anything, and what to say now? You froze in place, petrified by the face that was gazing at you. It’s him, you thought to yourself, for you never have, and never would be able to forget that face. The face of the man you love.

“I asked.” Dark repeat, “Was it that pin that helped you get out of that place.”

“Yes,” you answered without giving a second thought. You’re not sure, but you agreed anyway since there is no better explanation for what has happened to you for the past years.

You could see him flinched a bit; his eyes went dark. What was that expression? From the surface, you could clearly see the annoyance, the anger, he was pissed, because obviously, you were never meant to be able to get out of that manor; and he was even more pissed, because he knew it was him who allowed that to happen. Or more accurately, it was Damien. But what’s so different?

“Is that...you, Damien?” You can feel your voice trembling, deep down knowing full well there is no way this person could be him. But that face, that voice. You have loved him for so long, you have admired that beautiful look for so long, have dazed in that voice for so, so long; you know that his image is now carved onto your brain. So there is no way you could have forgotten him. Then why... why does this man feel so unfamiliar to you?

And it happened again. His brows squinted into a frown, his eyes turned even dimmer than the black holes that they already are. It felt like sadness, but also with a hint of relief, but it didn’t stay for long. And he never replied.

Suddenly, you felt a glitch twitching at your surroundings, and everything went pitch black. The man was now so close to you, his right hand was grabbing your neck. “You weren’t supposed to be out of the manor.” He spoke, but his voice seemed to come out from everywhere, “you were supposed to stay there, safe under that roof, until this is all resolved, until I get my vengeance, so why, WHY???”

You felt the terror filling your stomach, while blood slowly drained from your face. Tears were falling, and your mind slowly went blank. That was the moment Dark realized what he was doing, and released his hand. He gulped, watching you collapse while struggling to catch your breath again. Not, this is not...This man can not be Damien.

“But how…?” He whispered, didn’t care if you can hear it from all the coughing. “The pin, of course, it’s the pin. But it can’t contain the magic to be able to trap your soul…”

“How do I know??” You screamed, realizing that it won’t do anything but further damage your throat. “It was YOU who manipulated me into giving you my own body; it was YOU who trapped me inside of it, and disappeared, left me stranded in the pin for as long as I can remember. So YOU tell me how did that happen, Damien!!!”

You remember, he was silent for so long.

Could it be that he could not find the right word to deliver the news, or just didn’t know how to explain it to you? His face went from disturbed, to painful, then perhaps pitiful, and switched back one last time into a completely blank smirk.

“This is no--” there is a faint stumble, as if he was planning to put an extra word in there, but decided otherwise “...not Damien.”

---

You woke up from a dream.

In that dream, you relived your whole life back then. You remembered how close you and Damien were, how everyone was so sure you two had something. And you did, but it never goes anywhere more than just a silly crush from the both of you. He never had the gut to confess, and you never had the chance. Just like that, you all moved on with your life. Your friends either moved away, got married, or just simply lost touch. The gang broke, you took separate ways. Not long after that, Mark and Celine got married.

In that dream, you relived how life went on, once again made way for you and Damien back together. He, slowly but steadily, became the new Mayor. Not so long later, you got your seat as the District Attorney. Your new office was so close to the Mayor’s. It started from a welcoming come-by, and he went out of his way to help you settle in. Then you began to share lunch; lunch turned into a walk, a drink, and then dinners. And he delivered Mark’s invitation to you, along with a fancy hairpin which he refers to as “a mediocre gift to celebrate your arrival.” You didn’t quite understand that reason, but you went with it anyways.

You were late to the poker night, but you were there, with a shiny pin on your hair. You didn’t wear anything fancy; it’s not a fancy night anyway, but what you were having on you, or maybe just the sight of you, was enough to hook Damien’s eyes for the whole night.

You recalled vividly how you and he exchanged gazes that night, how sweet each smile of his was, how every once in a while he accidentally, softly bumped his shoulder on yours, how for a moment while everyone was loudly drinking in the living room, you two just lean onto the counter, each one a glass of whiskey at hands, chatting about anything and everything one can think of. And then, and then…

it all fade away.

You were on a bed - a strange bed, inside a strange place. You did a quick check on the vessel - no severe damage, no scar, just a few bruises here and there reminds you that the event earlier did happen. And the pin was still on your hair.

The man was sitting across the room, on a small couch, with complete silence.

“Are you ready to talk now?” He asked, seemed less threatening than what you had experienced yesterday? You gulped, and deep down, you knew that this talk can be postponed, but can never be got away with.

---

You catch yourself hanging out with Mark again; the man never knows what had happened to you back in the manor; how a gunfight broke down between Colonel - who now had gone mad and changed his name to Wilford Warfstache - and your so-called “partner” Abe, lead to your eventual demise. He also never knows how Damien and Celine took over your body, along with whatever the hell is that entity that had haunted his home.

You felt lucky that you could alter the appearance of the vessels, and by that it means using both your face - just like how Dark changed your body all the way to even the gender into Damien - AND using the vessel’s original skin at times.

Mark, in Damien’s skin, clearly doesn’t know you’re Y/N. Or else he never would have let you slip your way into his life. To be perfectly honest, you don’t even want to be around him, knowing that it was all his plan back in the manor, and it was thanks to him that you were so close to getting trapped inside that place forever, without having even your own body.

In the end, it was he who destroyed your life.

‘I admire you.” Dark let out a soft chuckle, which made you a bit baffled.

“Why?” Was that sarcasm? You raised your eyebrows. “Well, for what?”

“For being able to stand him after all that.” Still looking straight at you, Dark said, “That bastard technically made us like this, ruined our lives, and you’re still approaching him with a date.”

You gave yourself another mouthful of ice cream. You hate the fact that Dark knows your liking so well, just like Damien, yet this person is clearly not him. You hate the fact that two men in this world are now having the skin of the one you love, yet none of them is him.

Or is that so?

“It’s necessary for the both of us, even you told me so.” you sighed, “you should feel lucky that gun wasn’t a real gun, or things would have only been even more difficult for you.”

“I’d rather let him die…” you could hear Dark mumble in his throat while looking away, but he wasn’t mad, thankfully. Then he looked back at you, “haven’t found a new vessel?”

“...No.” You frowned, “I don’t casually go around hurting myself and harming other people’s lives, Dark.”

“They would still throw themselves out of buildings even without your existence, Y/N. Don’t take it so personally like that. I’m simply asking.”

“Oh, thank you for caring.” You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t know you were so interested in me.”

“That vessel fits you.” Dark didn’t seem to care about your aggressiveness, “You look pretty much the same old Y/N.”

“Yeah, luckily this poor girl resembled my skin, the thing that you’re wearing, so much” You scoffed, instantly knowing what would about to hit you but can’t manage to stop yourself from finishing your lines, “Don’t say it as if you have known me before this mess.”

“Oh, but technically I do, love.” Dark straightened his pose, looking even more intense at you, “You know a big part of me is still Damien.”

Of course. You could feel yourself frozen in place, with something clogged in your throat. Celine is almost always sleeping, and the entity doesn’t really talk.

“Can we...not do this.” You parted your eyes from his, tried your best to also ignore his gaze, while secretly using your full mental capacity to hold back the tears. Dark surely realized your shoulders slightly trembled, as he reverted to his earlier sitting pose, digging his spoon deep into the ice cream bowl in front of him. The table went silent.

---

It took you two years to meet him again, this time in another vessel.

It shouldn’t be that much of a long time, but time must work differently for him, or he has simply lost the ability to look over your vessel and see the image of your soul. But at the beginning, it seemed that he has failed to recognize you, based on how he kept going on with that bullcrap.

“‘Same snake, different skin’, huh?” You faintly smiled, “I would assume that was about Mark, but it did hurt my pride too, don’t you think so?”

Your response caught him off-guard, darkness slowly faded away around you two, unveiling the dim, murky hall that you were at. His motion showed that he was about to say something, but you haven’t finished talking.

“And what do you mean it’s disgusting how people like me only want answers? What are people like me? Why is wanting answers a bad thing, when for every time we confront, you always left me with more questions than answers?”  You started to raise your voice, while letting your emotions fill every single syllable your lips let out, “And-and you even dared to tell me, that we perhaps have met hundreds of times, and it was me who forgot you? And you-you…”

You were always like that, so easy to get emotional. And even more so when Dark is involved.

The corridor slowly showed itself again, or at least Dark allowed it to be so; but you didn’t care. He was quiet, obviously now realized who you are, but he couldn’t say anything with all your sobbing. It was heartbreaking, even for him.

“Just please, give me at least some answers.” You tried to twitch some words out of your burning throat, each moment passed by it got harder to either breathe or talk, “If I can’t know why, then please tell me how to prevent it. I-I won’t be able to bear another loss…”

Dark couldn’t help but feel like whenever you and he encountered, he always ended up making you cry. This can’t help but make Dark question whether everything he thought he did for you, was right in the end? Was leaving you, trapping you in the manor right? Was keeping the truth from you right? Was staying far from you, hiding from you, keeping distance from you, right?

He was snatched back to reality when you started to lower your whole body, knees no longer have enough power to keep you standing. He bolted to you, held you in his arms and whispered to you, with his lips buried into your hair. “I will,” he said, “I will tell you everything, Y/N.”

Surprisingly, you didn’t oppose him holding you like that, even after what you sure was about ten minutes. And to be frank, his embrace had calmed you down, as if it’s something so natural, as if you have waited for it for so long.

“Can we.. get out of here first?” you mumbled in his chest, finally stopped crying but still not able to look at him. Without a word, and surely still holding you in his arm, Dark glitched both you and him out of the dark corridor. Once again, you were in a strange place. A living room.

Only now that Dark let go of you, allow you to explore around for a bit, or simply to sit down. Mayhaps, he thought to himself, I really can’t keep you in my palms.

Or rather, it was me who’s inside yours.

---

You and he had a long talk that night. Dark finally gave you his reason for being such an ass for the past time, and also for hiding everything from you. At first you weren't quite sure if that was a legitimate excuse, but you just gotta remind yourself that Dark no longer has a really stable mind anymore. His train of thought is now a total rollercoaster, and that can be shown by those clone images of him. And that’s something which requires some speculation, you thought to yourself, rather proudly to be honest, his inner emotions are too strong, that human body of mine can hardly contain them all. Emotions of two humans, and a whole demon…

“Y/N?” He lowered his head to your level, clearly has realized you dazing away, “What’s the matter?”

“Oh-” a bit startled, you gained back your focus on the matter at hand. “Sorry, I was a bit distracted, wasn’t I?”

Dark tilted his head a bit, and told you with a tone so gentle you still haven’t gotten used to, “If you need more time to rest, feel free to. We have all the time we need.”

“No, my mind just flew away for a bit, I’m really fine.” You shook your head, “So you’re saying that…”

“I am the one responsible for that phenomenon you’ve been experiencing.” He said, with a faint smile. “I made the pin magical.”

It took some time for that information to sink into your mind. Took nowhere quicker for you to swallow what he said after. You should’ve seen that coming, weren’t you? He is the only one, by far, that can use any sort of magic, or be able to transfer soul between bodies. So of course that would’ve been his doing, of course…

With his slow, laid-back demeanor, Dark recalled the day when he was born. Formed by the soul of Celine and Damien, with the whole influence of the evil entity that has been haunting the manor for as long as one can remember - all squeezed inside your small, humanly, tired and fragile body. Particles of their mentality will spill and explode out, the more intense and complex his emotions are.

That was a brand new experience, and Dark was like a newborn child, but at the same time was not. He was fundamentally unstable, and since all three souls were still very active at that moment, it was extra difficult for him to control himself.

So when he transformed that body of yours into this tall, thick and firm body of Damien, turned your hair into the short well slicked back of him; when the pin that was on your hair the entire time madness happened fell down to the ground; when his Damien part saw it, instantly recognized the gift dedicated to you, he instinctively picked it up. It was almost impossible for any of the others to stop him, and none can fathom how. Even when they all have made peace with each other, Dark would never understand was it because they were so unstable back then, or because Damien’s feelings were too strong he actually took control of everything for a moment. 

Ever since then they have mingled enough to be able to function as one individual (technically), the entity now you dearly called Dark. “But I still can’t work out the answer for that.” he looked away from you, “That was the last hint of regret from me. Him. When it hit us that you will forever be trapped here, and he, I, us likely will never meet you again.” He secretly mocked himself, for how hard it is to identify his own existence. “But Damien back then really doesn't want to part ways like that.”

“Is that so?” you asked, almost jokingly, “Then what about Damien now, Dark?”

That must have been a hard question, because just for a split second, you could see a blue mirage of him glitched out, expression bore a pain so dreary it sent this ineffable pain right through your chest. On the other hand, Dark refused to show any type of emotion, to look at you, or to answer your question at all.

“So that was how the pin is able to make me get into other people’s bodies.” You decided to drop the topic entirely, feeling that even if you try to push for an answer, you won’t get anywhere.

Dark let out a deep sigh, slightly nod, “Yes. I wasn’t able to properly control the human body and how to use magic in it, so I ended up accidentally transferring a bit of my magic into your pin.”

“But then why-”

“And for some reason, your soul had clung tighter onto that pin than to the manor, so when that bit of magic flowed into the pin, your soul was quickly absorbed by it.” Wouldn’t leave you time to question anything, he continued, “And I was carrying the pin, you, for a while, until I left it on a park bench. Intentionally, for anyone to pick it up. Honestly, I didn’t know that at that moment you were trapped in the pin, I just think that keeping yo- the pin so close to me won’t be a good idea.”

You looked at him for a very long while, holding so many questions that you had already subconsciously known the answer. I wish you never have done it, you wanted to tell him so, but you didn’t. Because you knew that’s not true. No matter what happened, no matter the guilt that has overwhelmed you for all this time, you know, that a part of you really wanted this.

It sets you free.

“This time,” he asked, “was that a new vessel?”

“Yes.” you gave him a simple answer.

“What happened this time?”

“Jumped in front of a truck. Very painful, if you ask me.”

Dark gave out a nod, along with a low hm under his throat. What a shame, and that’s already the 6th vessel.

They were all suicidal. Or at the very least, heavily ill.

You don’t know if that was due to the influence of his magic, or just by sheer coincidence, but the pin always ended up in the hand of those girls. And sometime after they got you, they will always try to end themselves, one way or another.

At their final moments, in the state of half-consciousness, you can finally enter their body. Their souls were already sleeping and waiting to leave the corpse, but with you presenting and keeping the body alive, that moment wouldn’t take place anytime soon. Thanks to the magic, you can transform quite freely between the vessel’s original appearance, or your own skin; just not too frequently.

Then after a while, no matter a long or short time, their souls will wake up.

Some of them will allow you to use their body for some time, until the episode hits them again and they slit their wrist while you were asleep. Some others will just flat out refuse you, maybe even kick you out and throw the pin away. Either way, no vessel would last forever, and the girls always ended up dying.

And you were so sick of it already.

“Was it weird? Sometimes their features differ so much from mines it’s hard to fully transform.” You felt a bit anxious, started to check on yourself, “Tell me if anything seems uncanny.”

“Nothing. This vessel also seems to fit alright.” Dark chuckled after looking at you for an uncomfortable amount of time, “Still very… you.”

You have forgotten many things from your past life. The faces of your friends are all gone, and the faces of your parents are just now a blurry image buried in a thick layer of mist. You have forgotten how the life of a district attorney works, and how that office of yours was settled. You weren’t even sure how many stories Mark's manor had. It’s certainly not because of time - you’re sure not even a decade has passed yet - but more likely due to all the lives you had to experience , and the amount of time you were left on the road, in a shop, inside a closet or a storehouse, completely numbed. All that crazy events fortunately didn’t turn you mad, but sure made you start to lose track of your own past self.

But one of the things you would never forget, aside from your immense will to live, is the image of Damien. Or Dark, whatever/wherever he is now.

You were like soulmates back in the days. Even after years of separation, when you two reunited it felt like the partition was never there in the first place. You two changed so much, but to the other you were still the same. The chemistry never faded away, and Damien was still being awkward, trying so hard to hide his feelings for you. You don’t even hide anything at some points, but at the same time was so passive you never actually say it out either. Hell, you both have known so well of this undying love you have for each other, yet none of you was brave enough to say the words.

Not until tonight, you both thought so before entering the manor. Damien will definitely ask you out tonight, and even if he won’t, you would do it anyway. That’s enough waiting, and you have craved his lips since forever.

Clearly, that never happened.

You remember yourself crying for many days and weeks; and even months later on some cold nights, you were still crying. Not only for your lost life, but also for the realization that you will never be able to tell Damien how much you loved him. You can’t help the feeling of regret, of rage, of bitterness, at yourself, for letting your ego stay in the way. Now you will never be able to tell him, never be able to stay with him, to feel his embrace, to look at his eyes, to kiss him. All of that, never.

---

You stand at his doorstep, ready to exit the building, with Dark standing right behind.

“Hope we can... catch up sometime later, Dark” You smiled at him. Dark didn’t reply, just lower his head a bit, eyes on the mat under you both. Faintly glitching.

Feeling awkward, you turned back and opened the door, just for him to suddenly hold it back.

“You know, I don’t have any plan today.” He said, very slowly as usual, or even a bit slower, as if he’s struggling to breathe the words out, “And we haven’t finished the talk either. So how about...we grab dinner? And I can finish giving you all the info you need.”

You looked back at him, with your eyes widened so big you were actually afraid they would fall if they stayed that way any longer. You managed to reply with a single “sure” before things could get anywhere weirder.

He nodded his head, at the same time closed the door again. But none of you was moving. You just stood there, still bewildered, and maybe was waiting for something else, too. Dark, placing his right hand in his pocket again, was also quiet for a while. Then, he took a deep breath.

“And, uh... I have been missing you, Y/N. A lot.”

This time you didn’t even react, but just keep staring at him. Your lips kept motioning something, but nothing came out. Then, before he could ask what’s wrong, you suddenly burst out a laugh, shaking and lowering your head, trying to hide that ridiculous expression on your face. How ironic.

“We’re really pathetic, aren’t we?” You mumbled.

With a small step forward, you leaned onto Dark’s chest, and softly placed your lips onto his. That caught him totally off-guard; and before you could break away, he held you back.

---

--- 

END

[malereader-inserts]

Chamber of Reflection

Fandom: BBC Sherlock Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Male!Reader Summary: Oh dearest Sherlock, are you ready to move on? Word Count: 2,329 Warning: Blood and Death

“I don’t believe in love.”

You scoff out a laughter before turning to look at them, your smile dropped as you looked at them incredulously, “You’re kidding me right?”

“No?” They questioned back as if it was totally obvious because that’s how they were as a person, “I just don’t believe in love.”

“Impossible,” You shake your head, “Everyone believes in love, you, you’re different. You believe you don’t deserve love. That’s a whole different thing.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes, “Same thing.”

“Absolutely not, Sherlock,” You folded your arms over your chest, “Your mother loves you, that’s family love. John loves you, that’s platonic love. I love you.”

“What type of love is that?”

“Figure it out, smartass.”

He never really figured it out.

Sherlock was smart, but he’s dumb at the same time. 

He could rattle your ear off with different topics that he was interested in. He could give you a rundown about who you are and he probably knew you better than you knew yourself. But, give him a topic on a basic thing - he’ll malfunction. 

“The planets? Sherlock, surely you couldn’t have deleted that out your head.”

“You underestimate me, (Y/n).”

“Clearly,” You replied dryly, rolling your eyes, “But, I know you didn’t bring me here to talk about what basic stuff you’ve decided to ignore or have deleted from your so-called hardware.”

“At least you’re able to keep up with me,” Sherlock comments as you give yourself a little nod to the side as acknowledgement.

“Well, what is it?”

“Talk to me more about love, please.”

You narrow your eye at him, tilting your head to the side for a second, you were suspicious of his intention before sighing and tending to his question - after all, it is rare to have Sherlock say please, it’s not an opportunity to pass up.

“How desperate must you be for this information as you did say please.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“Alright,” you had your hands up in defence, “Well, love is different to each person and I can’t really help you that much Sherlock because it’s a learning process and it’ll be brutal. In a...somewhat good way.”

“That doesn’t explain anything at all!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head, “When you love someone, you just kinda know.”

“Right.”

“And...”

“Well, spit it out.”

You give him a soft smile, almost as if you knew something he didn’t know. Like you had to bit your tongue and refuse to tell him. He looks at your eyes, there is a glint of sadness, though he doesn’t comment on it as he allows you to speak.

“Love is going to ruin you someday, it doesn't matter if you don't believe in love, it doesn't matter if you think that you don't have the capacity to love someone, nothing matters. What matter is that one day you will fall in love and fall so hard that it will ruin you to the point that you will not be able to think correctly, to the point that your illness and cure both will be the love of your life, love will ruin you to the point you will look for sanity in insanity.”

“Back again so soon, Sherlock?”

He doesn’t answer you as he stands across from where you had claimed as your spot, you tilt your head in confusion at his silence, Sherlock loves to talk so why isn’t he talking. 

“Must be a rough day then, ay Sherlock?” You continue to talk, “I don’t blame you, having a fight with your best friend and then your brother being annoying as ever - Mycroft just doesn’t shut up.”

“How do you know about my day, this is the first time I’ve seen you this week?” Sherlock questions.

You knitted your eyebrows together, your lips pursed together, as you give him room to think before interrupting.

“When will you come to the terms that you’re the one who killed me?”

At that moment, Sherlock stops. If a record of music was playing then it did the scratching halt. Sherlock looks over to your way, he didn’t realise that at some point he had stopped looking at you, you sat there with your arms crossed over your chest.

“You’re not dead.”

“Not in your mind palace, Sherlock,” You say, you look at your surrounding, “In here, I’m very much...alive.”

“You’re not dead,” Sherlock stammers out, blinking frantically, “You’re here, in front of me.”

You dismissed his words, “Funny, each time you come to talk to me, we’re in the same room you killed me in. I have to give you props, though, you really have memorised the room I died.”

“It was your house.”

“Yeah!” You snapped your finger and pointed to him, “You remembered, I’m slightly touched.”

“You can’t be dead.”

“And we’re back to denial,” You hummed, sitting comfortably on the edge of the sink, “Look around you Sherlock, you’re just blocking and deleting things out.”

“No, I am not.”

“Look at the blood, Sherlock.”

Your voice was firm as he shuts his eyes, hoping you had calm down because he could clearly hear anger behind the words you spat. Sherlock opens his eyes and there, he saw the full picture. 

You sat on the sink of the kitchen, behind you were the windows and adjacent to your head was cabinets. Both were painted with the splatter of blood. He looked at your appearance, there was red upon your hands and your clothes...

Your clothes, every time he had visited you, you were still in the same clothes - he wouldn’t have mentioned anything to you about it, he knows from you and John that pointing stuff out can be offensive. 

Your clothes, they were drenched in blood - your blood. 

“Look me in the eyes, Sherlock, look at me.”

Sherlock doesn’t want to, he wants to rearrange the whole scenario and pretend that everything was rainbows and happy, yet he looked at you. He stared deep into your eyes and had to stop himself from gagging at the scene.

There was a bullet hole at your forehead, dried blood seems to drip from the wound when it was fresh. 

“Don’t you remember Sherlock?” You asked, looking at him, “You killed, but at what cost?”

“I-”

“I mean, I know why you killed me, after all, I’m just living in your head so I get to know about what you’re thinking and all. But, I really want to hear it from your own mouth.”

Sherlock felt like he was stuck in this nightmare because essentially he was, he couldn’t just snap back into reality or wake up from his sleep. He felt like you had restraints on him and he’s unable to breakthrough.

“I killed you...” He murmurs as you lean forward, “I killed you because I loved you.”

You chuckled, softly, “Love, it makes you do real crazy things.”

See, Sherlock kept you in his head because you were important to him. You were his first and only love, you and Sherlock have known each other since primary school. You had been his only friend, even if he kept pushing you away. 

You were the only one who could keep up with his smarts and his weird little thinking, but you were by his side - his first best friend. The man he loved. When the two of you got into high school, you and him were often seen together. You humanised Sherlock, back then he understood what it means to feel.

He was human back then, not this sociopathic man that he grew up to be. Sherlock loved you, just like you loved him. Even if you never really said anything out loud, he knew that you loved him with the way you grabbed him by his wrist and leading him away, it was the soft smile, gentle looks and caring words. 

He wished he was able to spend a little longer being your boyfriend because you two managed fess up your feelings when you were eighteen. You were about to go to University, away from Sherlock. He wished he had mustered the courage to ask you to be his boyfriend years before.

“Sherlock, I’m not mad that you killed me.”

Sherlock snapped back into his room with you, you looked at him with the same caring eyes he grew up with, he tilts his head in confusion, he’s missing something in this memory - did he block it out or did he deleted it forever?

“They would have killed me anyway, I don’t have a life further than this Sherlock, both you and I know this,” He listens to your tender voice carefully, you’re no longer angry at him just angry that Sherlock refuses to move on, “You and I did it, Sherlock, you framed the murder perfectly on them.”

Them.

Who was them?

Sherlock looks at you before he hurled himself into the memory.

“You’re bleeding!”

“I’m quite aware of that Sherlock!”

Sherlock stands by the doorway of the kitchen, it’s messy as you sat on the sink, lifting your shirt to see the wound. You cringed, even Sherlock couldn’t remember what had happened to make you look like this and losing blood rapidly.

“You’re being remarkably calm about this.”

“Thanks, it’s the shock. Give me fifteen minutes, the screaming will happen,” You say, pulling your shirt down and you looking at your boyfriend.

“We need to take you to the hospital.”

“Absolutely not, Sherlock, if they found out I went there. They’ll kill me!”

“They’ll kill you either way!” Sherlock pressed on, “Please, there must be some other way.” 

“You kill me,” You said almost immediately, you looked at him with sharp eyes.

“No, (Y/n), no, are you an idiot?” Sherlock hissed at you, “There is another way, we just have to think about it.”

“We don’t have time to think, Sherlock,” You admitted, “They kill me, they’ll hind the evidence and go live another day, free, do you want that for me?”

“Of course not!” Sherlock was offended that you would suggest that, “I can prove that they kill you, I can do it - you can trust me.”

“I trust you, Sher,” You say, desperate and lovingly, “But, wouldn’t it be better to frame them?”

Sherlock stood there, weighing out the pros and cons in your thinking. Perhaps it was clouded, his judgement as he sees you point out a gun on the kitchen table and reminding him to use a glove so they don’t pick up any of his fingerprints. 

What was going through Sherlock’s mind? He wouldn’t be able to tell you, because when he aimed the gun at you there was no thought behind his eyes. You swallowed nervously.

“Hey, Sherlock?”

“Yes?”

“Just know I love you, and I will never hold it against you.” 

“I know.”

“Sherlock?” He looks back at you, “Oh, good, you’re responsive.”

“I never said I love you.”

“Oh, Sherlock,” you laughed, he pretends that it didn’t slightly hurt him, “You think I didn’t know?”

Sherlock looked down then back up at you, you were back in clean clothes and the surrounding of your kitchen was clean. Though, you didn’t look phased. 

“I mean-”

You raised an eyebrow, “You did at least frame them right? My parents?”

Sherlock knitted his eyebrows, “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Sherlock looks at you, watches you breathe in and out, there was a clear disappointment and you had stopped intensely watching him. You turn to look back at him, he was surprised to see you smile at him as you clapped your hand.

“Well, I’m not going to shy away from saying that I am disappointed, perhaps that’s why you blocked out the memory,” You spoke, crossing your arms.

“I can fix it!”

“Can you?”

“I made a name for myself, (Y/n), Mycroft can help me as well as Craig-”

“Greg-”

“Whatever, and we can finally bring you justice, maybe you could be at peace.”

“It’s not me that I’m concern for peace, Sherlock, you’re the one who keeps me alive in your mind palace,” You admitted as you lay down the reality of Sherlock, “It’s time to let me go. The question is: Are you ready?”

Mycroft comes knocking at the door, he was greeted by John.

“Sherlock is busy,” John says from his armchair as Mycroft enters without a proper invite. 

Mycroft looks around the room before stopping at the bookshelves, a picture frame that was permanently situated as face down was now standing, showing the picture that was kept hidden from the world.

Mycroft makes his way towards it as John looks at him.

“Sherlock put it up yesterday, along with a new case.”

“Oh? Is that so?” Mycroft leered, softly smiling to himself, “What’s the case about?”

“The murder of (Y/n) (L/n), Sherlock is convinced that it wasn’t suicide, though I don’t know how he knows about the case, that was closed over a decade ago - at least that’s was Lestrade said.”

“Watson, do you know who is standing next to Sherlock in this picture?”

John looked at the picture, he could recognise Sherlock when he was younger. he still had the curls and bright blue eyes, standing straight up, next to him was a boy smiling and had his arm over the sociopath’s shoulder - though back then, you could hardly call Sherlock a sociopath.

“No?”

“That is (Y/n) (L/n),” Mycroft says as John’s eyebrow raised up, “He is the reason why Sherlock snapped and changed in his behaviour. His death caused Sherlock to lose his pathway.”

“He means a lot to Sherlock?”

“Well, he is the only person Sherlock truly love romantically. Perhaps the first and love of Sherlock.”

“Sherlock loved him?”

“He still does, it’s why he’s reopening this case because dear Watson, between us two and Sherlock. This is not a case to solve a murder, this is to frame someone of murder and we’re going to help him.”

[aomine-ryo]

Please do a scenario for the GOM reacting to their figure skater gf. Thank you 💜 I love your blog btw, its nice to see that the knb fandom is still alive. My heart is patiently waiting for a season 4 huhuhu 😭

Omg i will die if there’s ever a season 4. Also this was such a cute idea and I made Kise’s one so long and tbh it’s a concept for a wholeass fic lmao. Anyways, hope you like it xx

Scenario: GOM with a figure skater s/o

Kise

You and Kise had only been dating for a few weeks so there was still so much to learn about each other. Everyday there was something new that he learned about you that made him fall in love with you more and more. Even the smallest little things about you sparked his interest. Just the other day, he had a whole moment when he found out you liked the same cereal as he did.

Of course, him finding out you did figure skating elicited a bigger reaction from him than just liking the same cereal. It was just another Tuesday for you when your school day finally approached it’s end. Just you were heading out the school gates, you spotted your boyfriend standing and waving with a big smile on his face.

“Ryouta!” you squealed as you ran into his arms. “What are you doing here?” you questioned, not used to seeing him here since he was in a different school.

“I came to surprise my lovely girlfriend and invite her on a date of course,” he replied sweetly.

“Oh,” you said, your smile faltering as your shoulders dropped in evident disappointment. “I appreciate it, but I actually have practice today.”

“Practice?” Kise furrowed his brows. “Practice for what?”

“I have figure skating practice today. I usually head to the rink after sch—“

“You figure skate?” Kise exclaimed rather loudly; you were quite sure the whole street heard him.

“Yeah I do,” you giggled at his excitement.

“Y/N-cchi, how come you never told me? Can I watch your practice?” he asked, wide-eyed.

“You really want to watch? It can get a bit boring,” you asked.

“Of course I want to watch!” he beamed as he took your hand in his. “Lead the way.”

Grabbing a snack from a grocery store on the way, the two of you headed to the rink, where your coach was waiting for you.

“Woah, you get this while place to yourself?” Kise said breathlessly when you entered the chilly arena with skates in one hand and Kise’s palm in the other.

“Sometimes other people train here too, but today seems like it’s just me,” you shrugged.

You and Kise moved to the stands so you could get your skates on before you got onto the ice. After warming up for a bit, your coach went over your usual drills before you began to rehearse your routine that you were practicing for an upcoming competition.

Meanwhile, Kise was watching you wait nothing but intrigue in his amber eyes. Even while you were just doing your exercises, he found you absolutely graceful. Needless to say, when he finally saw the routine, he was over the moon. He had to hold himself back from hooting and cheering during it in case that threw you off. He was so excited in fact, that he had moved from his seat in the stands to the area right by the rink so he could get a closer look. His eyes never left you for even a moment.

Once your practice was over, you skated over to the edge where Kise was bent over the rails. “Well, boring isn’t it?” You said to him.

“Are you kidding me? You’re mesmerising! My Y/N-cchi is so talented,” he said, stealing a quick kiss from your lips.

Caught up in the moment, you didn’t notice your coach make his way over to you two. “You must be Kise,” he said, holding his hand out for the blonde to shake.

“Yes I am. Y/N-cchi’s been talking about me, haven’t you?” Kise inferred, throwing you a cheeky grin.

“Y/N’s mentioned you a fair few times,” your coach chuckled. “It’s your first time here isn’t it?”

“Yeah it is,” Kise nodded.

“Well, Y/N seems to do much better when you’re here. You should visit more often,” your coach said, making you want to crawl in a hole out of embarrassment.

“Is that so? I’ll do that for sure,” Kise laughed. “I was thinking that I should pick up ice skating too— just casually though.”

“Really?” you asked, eyes lighting up.

“Yeah, we could do a routine together if you’re up for it. Let me get the basics down first though,” Kise suggested.

“I can give you a few pointers if you need any. If I think your routine is good enough, maybe I’ll enter you two in a competition,” your coach said.

You were excited now; Kise was a quick learner so there was no doubt that you’d be practicing with him in no time.

A few months went by and Kise was attending almost all of your practices with you. He’d gotten quite good at it too— there were still a few falls that were absolutely hilarious because he’d whine every time, but for the most part he was much better than most amateurs.

Your coach was very amused by his progress too. “A basketball player and a figure skater in one— you don’t see that often,” he’d chuckle.

Figure skating was never something Kise saw himself doing. But looking at how beautiful you looked when you skated, an eagerness was lit up in him. No matter how hard he’d practice, he knew he’d never match up to you. There was something about the way you moved so gracefully that made him feel like whatever he attempted was inferior. He wasn’t complaining though— he was doing this for fun after all. Plus getting to see you move like that was a privilege enough.

Moreover, skating with you allowed him to spend even more time with you, and that time only increased when you two got serious about your routine as partners. Neither of you were expecting to win the competition, but you were certainly having fun in the process.

Eventually the day came where you were in an official arena with Kise. Sliding onto the ice with someone was a strange feeling as someone who was used to competing individually. In a way, it was reassuring. Kise held your hand tight as you got into position in the centre of the rink.

“Ryouta, I’m actually kinda nervous,” you muttered to him.

Honey eyes looked at you softly as your hand was squeezed even tighter. “Don’t be— I’m here with you, every step of the way,” he whispered. “Besides, you can’t possibly look worse than me.”

You felt the tension ease a little as you let out a giggle. “If we go down we go down together, I guess,” you shrugged, the idea bringing you a strange comfort.

“Exactly,” Kise smiled. He looked to the side and spotted the technician giving you two a thumbs up. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied.

Kise nodded in confirmation before letting go of your hand and getting into position. “We got this.”

Midorima

Midorima loves you; he loves everything you do. Even if you murdered someone, he’d probably still love you (though he’d probably scold you while he helps you hide the body— but let’s not get into the specifics of that). Needless to say, he absolutely adored watching you skate.

Midorima is a busy person though, so it’s hard for him to find time to watch you as much as he’d like. Every time he did get the chance though, he was absolutely mesmerised, as though he was experiencing it for the first time all over again.

He’d never forget the first time he saw you skate though. You’d just begun dating and you had a competition that you invited him to. He wanted to meet up with you before it started, but his basketball practice ran on for longer than he expected. For a moment, he thought he’d miss it all together, but after a quick train ride and a lot of running, he made it just in time for your slot.

Admittedly, Midorima was really unfamiliar with figure skating. He told himself that he’d read into it since you were a skater yourself, but he never got the chance to. He made his way into the crowded stands and found himself a seat, feeling rather out of place considering he was still in his bright orange tracksuit. He didn’t dwell on it for too long though because his attention was quickly drawn to the ice that you were gliding onto.

For a fleeting moment, his jaw dropped. You looked gorgeous. The confidence you seemed to have as you got into position was a side of you he’d never seen before. It was like a different person altogether. Your name was announced in the speakers, eliciting a cheer from the crowd following by a small chatter that snapped him out of his trance for a moment. The music began to play and the crowd died down as all eyes were on you.

Right off the bat, you moved with purpose. Blades gliding on the sleek ice with such grace as your body swayed to the music. The moment you landed your first triple axel, Midorima was sure of it— this was your element. Completely lost in your routine, Midorima’s breath was taken away. And when it finally ended with a loud cheer from the crowd, he was left amazed. When his horoscope placed Cancer in first that day, he didn’t think he’d be so lucky to see something this gorgeous, but here he was.

He quickly rushed down the stands to meet up with you the moment he pulled himself together. As you were taking your skates off, you spotted him approaching you almost immediately— I mean, how can you not notice the 6 foot tall, green-haired man?

Your face lit up in an instant as you ran over to him barefooted and leaped into his arms. “Shin! You made it!” you exclaimed in glee.

“Well, I couldn’t miss a performance that good, now could I?” he said with a soft smile as he hugged you tight.

“You liked it? It wasn’t really my best score, but it’s up there,” you said, composing yourself and pulling away from him.

“I don’t really understand the scoring system, but you were phenomenal— really. I could watch you do that all day if I could,” he said genuinely.

“I don’t think I have the stamina to be skating like that all day,” you giggled. “But thank you, it means a lot.”

After that day, Midorima did his best to free up some space in his schedule to watch you practice. Seriously, he was addicted to watching you skate. It blew his mind every time. Of course, he’d be there for every single competition, cheering you on because he was now without a doubt, your biggest fan.

Aomine

“Competition? What competition?” Aomine questioned one day as the two of you walked to school together.

“Have I not told you before? I figure skate,” you said simply.

Aomine stopped in his tracks for a moment, catching you off guard as you stopped too to see what had happened. He just stared at you with a baffled expression. “You figure skate?! That’s fucking hot! Why haven’t you told me before?” Aomine exclaimed.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Well I’m telling you now. I’m guessing you’ll be there tonight then?”

“That shouldn’t even be a question,” Aomine shook his head as he took your hand in his and continued walking. “Are you any good?” He asked.

“Well, I’m good enough to be in a competition, aren’t I?”

“True. I bet you’re great at it; you’re great at everything,” Aomine said.

“That’s not true,” you replied.

“It is.”

“So you’re saying I’m great at basketball too?”

Aomine visibly hesitated as he thought back to all the times he tried to teach you how to play. “Uh, yeah sure, let’s say that,” he lied.

“Shut up,” you laughed, playfully punching his arm.

For some reason, Aomine would not shut up about you being a figure skater for the rest of the day. You were trying to have a conversation with Momoi when he intervened, “Did you know Y/N’s a figure skater? How cool is that?”

“Yes I did know, Dai-chan. I’m guessing you told him about the competition today?” Momoi said returning her attention to you.

You nodded in response but Aomine stood there, slightly offended. “You told her but not me?”

“I just assumed you knew,” you shrugged, finding it quite cute how he was so invested in your sport.

“You shouldn’t assume I know anything,” Aomine said, making both you and Momoi roll your eyes and laugh at him.

Eventually, evening came and you were in the waiting room with your coach, with your eyes glued on the screen that broadcasted the current participant as you mentally prepared yourself for your turn, which was creeping up upon you. Meanwhile, Aomine was seated in the audience with Momoi, being as impatient as ever. “When is Y/N coming?” he yawned.

“Y/N should be up next,” Momoi informed as the song slowly reached its end.

The crowd cheered and a chatter started once again as everyone waited for the next person to take the ice. It took a few more minutes, but you finally entered the rink, skating to the center to get into position.

Almost immediately, Aomine’s jaw dropped. You looked stunning. The way your suit dazzled and clung onto your body was pure art. He swore that he fell in love with you all over again just at the sight.

The music began after a nod of confirmation from you and your skates began to roam the ice ever so smoothly. Aomine was blown away. You were nothing like the previous participants. The way you moved was so clean and purposeful. With each spin and leap, Aomine’s heart skipped a beat— you had his complete attention.

He was quite sure Momoi was talking to him, but he didn’t hear a word. For some reason, everything else around him seemed to fade out as he watched you skate, almost like he was stuck in a trance.

He was finally snapped out of it when the routine came to an end, leaving him at a loss for words as he joined the crowd in their applause.

You made your way off the ice and headed back inside towards the changing rooms, where you ran into Aomine and Momoi in the hallways. “Oh hey guys, what did you think?” You asked as you rotated your ankles nonchalantly to relieve them from the slight soreness you felt.

“You were so so good, Y/N. Dai-chan was so silent during the entire thing, I think you hypnotised him or something,” Momoi joked as she nudged Aomine’s arm playfully.

You turned your attention to your boyfriend, who was rolling his eyes at Momoi’s comment. “Well, was that performance worth all the hype you seemed to have?” you asked him.

“Of course it did. You did so well out there— not to mention the fact that you look incredible in that suit,” Aomine said, still unable to take his eyes off of you.

“Aw really?” You smiled.

“Yeah, you look fucking hot,” Aomine responded confidently.

You couldn’t help but giggle before you got on your toes to place a kiss of gratitude on his cheek, making him flustered. “Well, thank you Daiki— it means a lot.”

Murasakibara

You won’t be able to find someone that loves you more than Murasakibara does. Really, you won’t. He loves everything about you. Your smile, your looks, your mind, and even your hobbies. As someone who doesn’t really take much interest in other people, it was a brand new feeling to be absolutely smitten over you. But he was dedicated.

The two of you were still getting to know more about each other in the first few weeks of dating and the topic of sports came up. “Do you play any sports, Y/N-chin?” Murasakibara asked you during one of your video calls at night that he liked to have when he had nothing else to do.

“Yeah, I’m actually a figure skater,” you replied.

Murasakibara’s eyes lit up. “Really? That’s so cool. Do you go for practice and stuff?”

“Yeah, duh. I practice almost everyday.”

“No way. Can I come watch your next practice?” he asked.

“Sure, but I feel like you might find it boring,” you said hesitantly, knowing that you wouldn’t want to sit there for hours doing absolutely nothing but watch.

“Well, I guess I’ll find out,” Murasakibara said surely. “Do you have any videos of you skating?”

“Yeah but they’re not on my phone.”

“Send them to me, I wanna see you skate.”

You giggled. “Atsushi, you’ll see me skate at practice, can’t you wait until then?”

“No, I can’t wait. I bet you look really cute when you skate,” he said as brought another potato chip to his mouth.

“Well, you’re going to have to wait because I’m not sending you anything,” you said dismissively.

“How mean,” he pouted.

Luckily, you managed to change the topic of the conversation before he could beg of you any more. The day for your next practice came and Murasakibara was brimming with excitement as you two entered the arena.

After instructing him to sit at the stands, you took to the ice where you started with the warmups that your coach told you to do. Practice went on and Murasakibara gave you his full attention— which is an incredibly rare sight.

As he watched you stretch and leap and fall, he couldn’t help but be impressed. He certainly could never be able to do any of the things you were doing— it looked exhausting. Something about the way you moved had him captivated though. You looked like you were having fun. No matter how many times you’d fall or mess up, you always seemed passionate about it and that was something he envied ever so slightly, but at the same time he found it such a lovely sight.

You truly loved the sport, he could see it so clearly. And automatically, he had a newfound interest in it too. It wasn’t that he wanted to try figure skating himself, it was just the fact that he loved seeing you so happy that he began to enjoy the sport too.

“I’m surprised you haven’t fallen asleep yet,” you said to him jokingly once your practice came to an end.

“Well, you were just that good— you had my full interest,” Murasakibara shrugged.

“Really? I didn’t expect you’d enjoy it that much,” you said.

“I did. I might just watch all your practices from now on.”

“Sure you will,” you said sarcastically.

Little did you know, that he would actually do just that. At almost every practice, he’d be seated in the stands, eyes full of admiration as he watched you. He would often bring you little snacks that you liked so that you’d have something to eat after practice. There were times where he’d be extra tired, but he’d still make it to the rink, even though you’d tell him countless times not to feel obligated to watch. It usually ended with him falling asleep halfway through, but he never regretted it. It was always nice waking up to the happy face of the person he admired.

Akashi

Akashi was well aware that you were a figure skater before he began dating you. Of course, he’d never seen you actually figure skate, but he knew random things about almost everyone around him and being interested in you only made him want to get to know you more.

Akashi is a very supportive boyfriend to you, especially when it comes to your passions. Figure skating was a very beautiful sport in his eyes and the fact that the person he was dating was a figure skater was something he’d never get over.

Being the calculating person he is, he decided to take you ice skating on one of your first dates with him. It wasn’t a particularly busy day at the public ice rink so Akashi got quite lucky when the two of you got there and realised that the place was practically empty.

“Looks like we got the whole place to ourselves,” Akashi said as the two of you slid onto the ice, hand in hand.

“Yeah, it’s quite nice actually,” you smiled, appreciating the serenity of the place. “It’s kind of making me want to do a routine or something,” you thought out loud.

“Then do it.”

“No, we’re on a date, we should just skate together,” you shook your head.

“No, I insist. I’ve been wanting to watch you skate for a while now, and the opportunity finally came,” he said. “Besides, it’s just one routine, shouldn’t take too long, right?”

You let out a sigh as a soft smile spread across your face. “Yeah, I suppose,” you shrugged. “But don’t expect too much— I’m not in the most comfortable of clothes right now.”

Akashi chuckled. “No judgement from me. I just want to watch you skate.”

“Alright,” you smiled as you skated over to the centre of the rink.

Akashi stepped out and leaned against the rails to watch you from the sidelines, barely able to contain his excitement. There wasn’t any music playing so all you could hear was the sound of your blades against the ice, echoing throughout the arena. However, that didn’t stop Akashi from being fully immersed in your skating.

He was blown away by the way you skated, especially considering that he sprung this on you out of the blue. Every movement was precise and refined; he could tell that you’ve practiced to perfection and he was impressed. In fact, seeing you move so flawlessly had him swooning over you more than you could possibly imagine.

Eventually, you came to a halt, your breathing heavy after the spins and jumps, though you were quite satisfied now that you got it out of your system. Akashi returned to the ice with a smile on his face. “That was outstanding, Y/N,” he complimented.

“Really? You liked it?”

“Of course I did. It all seemed so professional— you really practice a lot, don’t you?” he pointed out.

“Yeah, I have been for years,” you nodded.

“Well, you’re absolutely stunning on the ice,” he said genuinely as he placed a kiss on your forehead and took your hand in his. “Shall we get back to our date now?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

As much as Akashi would have adored to watch you practice everyday, the times often overlapped with his basketball training— though he did make it a habit to meet up with you afterwards so that he could walk you home (like the gentleman he his). Even though he was a busy person, he always attended your competitions without fail. He’d always send you a bouquet of flowers before your competitions as well, with little notes wishing you good luck and it would melt your heart every single time.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

[punk-rock-prince]

//ok I’m gonna talk abt this bc I see it everywhere. Leon’s relation to his talent. In my version of Leon, it’s personal to me.

I have experienced this. I am apparently a good singer, and my father is a choir director. I was forced to be a part of music everyday for my entire childhood. I liked singing. It was fun and stimulating. But not the way I was being forced to do it. I decided that I hated singing, and that I wouldn’t do it again. I told everyone I hated singing. I committed to the bit. But the thing was, I didn’t actually hate it, I hated the way it was forced on me. I didn’t want to sing as a career/life choice. I liked doing it as a hobby, or even in front of people every now and then, but doing it all the time sucked the soul of it out of me. I say all of this to convey, that I know what it feels like to be boxed in like that. And it has influenced my feelings on this character.

When I played the game, I instantly recognized what Leon was saying/doing by telling everyone he hated baseball. He hates the responsibility, the way he’s forced into it, the way his feelings weren’t taken into consideration. But he does like it, objectively. But I don’t think he wants it to be his life. And that’s what everyone, especially Hope’s Peak, expects of him. They want him to focus on it the way all the other Ultimates focus on their talents. They sort of treat him as a tool, an ace in the hole, rather than person with wants and needs. And he definitely noticed that. I think it’s INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT to not erase Leon’s refusal to “play his part”, bc it’s a direct deconstruction of the trips every single other Ultimate falls into: dedicating their entire life to the one thing they’re good at. But what if you’re like me, and what you’re good at isn’t what you want? What if someone is like Leon, and their passion lies with something they’re not necessarily skilled at? I think it’s incredibly cruel to force someone to be something they don’t wish to be, just because you think they ought to be it.

The fandom largely treats Leon’s preference the same way the school does. “It’s just a phase”, “He doesn’t actually mean it, so ignore him”, etc. They completely ignore the lengths he went to in order to change his image. He says it was initially for a girl, and that’s true. But if he only meant it as far as that, why would he still be doing it? Why would he have stuck with such a drastic change even when she wasn’t even around anymore? And it wasn’t just an outward change—Leon demonstrates knowledge of his chosen genre, and music in general. And in the official DR:Reload art book, even Junko is impressed by the amount of music he has, organized by genre, band, and time. Knowing Leon, I don’t think he’d put that amount of effort into something he didn’t actually care about. He actually does love music. He is just also using it to try and tell people to just listen to him for once. He feels like the real him is neglected in favor of his talent, and it is. He just wants people to work with him, and he decide to act out in order to get their attention. I’m not saying Leon’s thought process and decisions are correct, or mature. But they make sense for his emotionally-driven character. I just feel like dismissing his problems with his talent, and the issues surrounding it, it cutting off a huge chunk of what makes Leon interesting. And having it end by him accepting what everyone was forcing into him, whether he secretly liked his talent or not, isn’t what I’d call a happy ending, because it ends with the legitimate concerns he had with locking himself into a box of his own abilities being thrown away. A true happy ending is with the people that truly love and care for him acknowledging his fears and concerns, and helping him in an uncertain period of his life he isn’t sure what he wants to do or where he wants to go. And when Leon, with the support he should have had from the beginning, decides to pursue his dream, with his talent or without it.

Idk, it’s late and I might not be making sense lol.

EDIT: sorry I didn’t say before jfgjfjj you can reblog this