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neonponders · 3 years

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I started writing this very niche au ages ago that @booksfoxesandcoffee and @demogirlfriend tinkered with lol it’s not quite what I wanted, but at least it’s done ~

Based on my post for This Steve with This Billy:

vampire/musician!Steve and mobster!Billy.

TW for briefly mentioned drugs and all manner of vampire things.

💋 💋 💋 💋 💋 💋 💋

If Billy were being honest with himself, it wasn’t the man’s looks that hooked him. The way a superior dancer stands out in the ensemble, it was the musician’s energy that made Billy’s eyes keep finding him.

Every business that opened his his territory went through Billy’s strict legislature. And the whole city was his to play king.

He didn’t consider himself a strict businessman, but he did attend the new club with regularity to make sure they had what they needed to succeed. If they couldn’t succeed, then they’d have to rebuild elsewhere.

They did succeed. Because they had Steve Harrington.

On paper, he was lead guitarist. An instrumentalist. Vocalist if necessary. Billy Hargrove knew he shined in neon stage lighting and his special trick was swinging the instrument around his body so the guitar switched sides halfway through a song or riff, proving ambidextrous dexterity.

Billy knew Harrington was hard to get ahold of. So far, he’d hosted every member of the band and every guest musician at his VIP table. Harrington always had reasons for leaving directly after a show, which surprised Billy. The man’s band mates clearly revolved around him, looked to him for timing cues, and Billy even had the unique experience of seeing the man smack a drink out of the bassist’s hand because the guy could barely stand.

There was a personality there, and Billy wanted to see it up close. Taste it.

Somehow, Harrington had even avoided being invited to Billy’s table during the mid-show break. Always conveniently disappearing until the second he needed to be on stage.

Until now.

Billy’s guards stood up when Harrington approached with someone held firmly by the scruff of his shirt and jacket. Billy waved them aside, and the musician dumped the guy into Billy’s booth. Some heads turned in their direction, curious for drama but not for long. Anyone who hung around Billy, hungering for his attention, knew to be careful about annoying him.

“Is this one of yours?” Harrington prompted.

“Why would he be?” Billy inquired with a lethargic blink.

“I thought your sort had more class than distributing roofies.”

Billy’s pleased, large feline demeanor sloughed off as he turned his head to the man in his booth. Billy didn’t bother negating Harrington’s accusations. Anybody with sense knew who he was. The only thing that bothered Billy at the moment was the use of some nobody to get the musician’s attention.

“You’re right. He isn’t.”

Just like that, the guards lifted the sorry soul out of his booth and began ushering him out of the club. He made a weak attempt at promising an ability to make Billy money, but the latter wasn’t interested in a business centered around dangerous sex. Billy considered himself a purveyor of the opposite; of passion, and real passion only came when all parties were conscious for it.

“Steve.”

The musician paused to look back at him, already on his way back to the greenroom or wherever he hid in between performances.

“Sit with me.”

Steve’s gaze flicked down to the now available seat next to Billy. “No, thanks.”

As if he could -

He did.

Steve walked away from the table. Billy saw the more discretely dressed guards loitering in the crowd turn and begin to approach Harrington...before distinctly letting him pass.

It was not a regular day that Billy Hargrove’s employees feared someone else more than him.

He pressed his back into the booth, and one of the women sitting along the back of the booth leaned down to hear him. “I want his file.”

“Yes, sir,” she purred. It took no time at all for her to return to his table with Harrington’s business papers. Typical tax form, resume, no cover letter but instead a CD with his music samples.

“What about his background?”

Her nails raked through her long, black hair. She played the part of groupie very well. “We don’t have anything yet.”

Billy found that hard to believe. “He’s worked here for weeks.”

She shrugged a bare, shimmering shoulder. “He hides very well. We’ll have something soon.”

Not soon enough.

Billy took to wandering his club instead of sitting. Why they didn’t just haul the musician into Billy’s office for questioning…no sensible person detonates a bomb without knowing the area is clear. They didn’t know enough about Steve. Whether he belonged to a family scouting the borough before encroaching on Billy’s property.

Would it be their fault for sending in a mole without honoring the proper channels? Yes.

Would it be Billy’s fault for starting an underground war for harming Steve first? Also yes.

So he watched. So he waited. And he began to enjoy this game he and Steve had developed. Because Steve wasn’t as oblivious. He looked pretty—the kind of pretty that some mistake as dumb—but Steve had proven in many, subtle ways just how observant he could be.

The way he managed his band members’ alcohol or obvious drug addictions.

The second time he hauled some petty dealer over to Billy’s booth.

When he flipped Billy off as he walked away after Billy tested, “I noticed you like brunettes.”

“No, you haven’t.”

Steve watched Billy. And Billy watched Steve. At least, Billy suspected. Billy hoped.

The confirmation arrived in the humid alleyway behind his club. He was already itching for a fight. For the last two weeks, a new asshole had been loitering around and inside his business. No one had yet been able to catch him doing anything—until Billy followed him out of the wrong exit. Nobody could use service doors at the back of the building; it was both a safety hazard for civilians to be in the way of delivery trucks, and any squeals about people coming and going from there would have the police riding Billy’s tail.

Then the bastard had the audacity to take two girls who were definitely sporting fake id’s outside.

He slammed the service door against the brick exterior to get their attention. All three of them were huddled and necking between two garbage bins. A real class act.

“Jail bait bimbos, get inside. This asshole can lock himself in a concrete box without your…help.”

The distinct memory of Steve delivering roofy dealers to him flashed in his brain at the sight of the blissed out girls using the alley walls to stay upright. The memory flew out into the main street at the glistening darkness on both of their necks, dripping into their low cut shirts.

In the window of Billy’s surprise, the guy attacked. Slammed Billy right against the other side of the alley, knocking the air out of him—

Billy’s brain couldn’t keep up. But his eyes could.

A large hand gripped the gelled hair and wrenched the guy’s head so far back that Billy heard a threatening pop.

Billy had never stood next to Steve before. He stood just a little taller than Billy—both smaller than the impressive figure he’d watched so many times on stage, but also bigger because he’d never been this close…

Billy was officially having trouble breathing as he watched the man’s wide eyes darting around his sockets despite his broken neck and the disgusting angle of his windpipe.

“This spot’s taken. Tell your hovel to skip town. You won’t get a fourth chance.”

Fourth?

Billy’s eyes stuck on the bloody, long teeth in the man’s gullet before Steve shoved him down the alley. The man landed several yards away—no ordinary shove—but he hauled ass to his feet, head lolling on his shoulders with more sickening crackles.

Billy remained stationary as Steve fixed the shirts and jackets falling on the girls’ shoulders went to hail a cab. One of them recovered faster than the other, and hauled her friend into the vehicle. By this time, Billy managed to say, “What will they do with those stained shirts?”

Steve looked at him, suddenly looking remarkably…normal. Even startled, like he’d forgotten Billy was there. He didn’t hold Billy’s gaze, instead looking a bit downward—

“What will you do about yours?”

Billy frowned, blinking twice before he looked down at himself. It took him a moment to see the difference in his dark blue button-up. But he glistened like the girls did. Slowly, his mind caught up and realized how warm the side of his neck felt, and how gross. Wet. Dry. Sticky. Crusting.

“How did I not even notice?”

Like a dream clinging onto his waking consciousness, the blurry numbness subsided, and Billy realized his throat really fucking hurt.

Steve’s gaze dropped even further, tilting away from Billy as he pointed at the doors. “Go and clean yourself up. Go home.”

Leave it to Billy Hargrove’s pride to stack his spine back together. He stepped off the alley wall and into Steve’s space.

“Don’t—” he turned his face further to the side.

“Explain,” Billy ordered, even as Steve’s hand lifted to cover his mouth.

Steve shook his head a little. “I don’t have to,” he muffled and lifted weary eyes. “Clean yourself up.”

The answers were right there. Yet it seemed…stupid to say any of it out loud. How many movies? Book? Shows?

Instead he said, “Show me.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. “You don’t play with bears like this.”

Billy laughed. He laughed Steve all the way out of the alleyway. Billy only regretted this when the next evening, the secretaries of the business ran through the week’s itinerary. Steve wasn’t scheduled.

A long week progressed of Billy thinking over that night. How the hell a guardian angel with teeth and no wings lived his nights in Billy’s cage and Billy had just…taunted him into slipping right out of the bars.

When another week presented itself with still no sight of his musician, Billy knew he would have more than one inconvenience on his plate. His customers liked Steve. Statistically, the club was fit to bursting since a third more clientele showed up for the band’s gigs. Steve made the barkeeps laugh in between numbers. Billy had always thought he used the alcohol in the greenroom instead of taking up the bars’ time.

Instead he dropped rats right into the king’s lap. Creatures Billy never would have seen unless Steve made them visible.

“Schedule Steve’s group on Sunday.”

His secretary frowned at him. “Am I missing something? We’re off on Sundays.”

“He knows that. Just use whatever number he gave you.”

Billy waited behind the club. Perhaps he should have arranged a specific meeting time instead of just the vague Sunday, but…Steve was punctual to his usual call time. Billy heard his footsteps the same moment the lighter in his hands crackled softly under his cigarette.

Steve approached with his hands in his jean pockets. Then he entered the harsh lighting of the motion-detected beams above the doors. “You don’t look good.”

Because he didn’t. Steve made tired look good but he had met the line between tired and haggard. His lips were chapped and the lights above him put his eye sockets into harsh contrast. Billy missed the lush face he watched bathed in neon stage lights.

Steve only met Billy’s gaze briefly before looking back down the alley. “Haven’t been to the grocery store lately.”

“By ‘groceries,’ do you mean my place?”

“And if I do, then what?”

Billy smirked as easily as blinking. “I don’t recall firing you. You didn’t have to run—”

“Yes, I did. Dipshit.”

Billy moved his tongue over his teeth while he grinned. “Why didn’t you finish what he started? Three easy meals right there.”

“And swell up like a mosquito? Gross.”

Smoke sputtered out of his mouth. “You’re not what I expected. In any regard. It’s a wonder my employees haven’t been inspired by your recklessness. Or my letting you get away with it.”

“There’s no letting anything happen. We’re not all teeth. There’s nothing you could do if we don’t want it to happen. It’s the same on your side for humans.”

Billy’s next exhalation seeped out of his mouth. Slow. “Are you taking your time? Circling a stronger prey?” He tapped the ash off his cigarette, and watched Steve’s irises flick to the movement. “Most people come to me for my looks, money, or power. Is it the same for you?”

“No.”

That might’ve caught Billy off guard, if he didn’t feel gently nailed in place by Steve’s eyes lifting to his own. It was Billy’s turn to look down—down at the fingers grazing Billy’s hand as Steve reached for the cigarette. Took it.

“You’re easy prey because you’re already dying. You smoke a pack of these a day. The rest of the criminal cityscape would celebrate your funeral. A wolf’s goal is to eat. Not bragging rights—well. For the smart ones. We go for what’s easy.”

Glass-blue eyes wandered Steve’s face as he took a long inhalation. “I’ve never been called ‘easy’ in my entire life.”

Steve shrugged and—politely—aimed his lips to the side. Billy wondered how much he’d mind if Steve’s smoke graced his skin. “What can I say? We hunt the same way lions, tigers, and bears to. We go for what’s attainable with minimum effort.”

“You’re lazy.”

That overarching fringe bobbed over his head. Of course Steve had taken the time to style his hair. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

Billy took his cigarette back with a huff. “I’ll decide later how insulted I should be. Until then, you’re the one looking like easy pickings.”

“You haven’t thrown anyone out of your place lately.”

That took an extra minute for Billy to process. “You…huh.”

Steve’s head moved with his eyes rolling onto him. “You don’t really think people in this city leave any bar without a fight, do you? I’ve had plenty of dinners on your tab.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you.”

Steve’s mouth lifted slightly in a skeptical grimace. “What’s the catch?”

Billy took his time with the last drag and stepped on the filter on his way to minimize the distance between them. “Explain to me why some pervert bites me and I’m fighting a hard on for two weeks?”

A rigid second passed, and then Steve crumbled into laughter. He laughed like a kid. A really cute little shit.

As Steve recovered, he heaved, “I’ve never heard anyone complain about the bite boners.”

Billy followed him as he reclined against the alley wall. “How about, instead of avoiding what’s really at play here, you admit to wanting to bite me. You’re usually on top of the rats that enter my business. But not that night.”

Steve stood on his own feet, making Billy feel the one inch he had on him. “And what if I did? What if it wasn’t your smell that made me crave, but jealousy?”

His musician’s bravado flickered when Billy’s tongue traced the edge of his bottom lip. “How do I smell?”

“Like smoked peaches.”

Steve was proving an annoying skill at making Billy dumbfounded. “What?”

He giggled anew. “Are you the type to fuck without kissing?”

Billy absorbed that and returned, “You like to kiss after blowjobs, don’t you?”

Steve wagged his head, so his words drifted back and forth over Billy’s mouth. “Yeah? So what?”

Billy inhaled deeply to make a show of sighing like humoring Steve’s romantic ethics was tiring him out—

Steve’s hands cradled his head with care, the soft sound of Billy’s hair scrunching underneath his fingers filling his ears as Steve licked inside Billy’s mouth. The latter’s jaw went slack, letting Steve in and meeting his tongue to taste him right back. Apart from the smoke, Steve tasted mutely sweet. The way a clean mouth does; the way a man should taste. Billy had always thought the way a person tasted was a uniquely intimate thing. Like a special piece of DNA could only be read with the tongue.

Steve’s tongue retreated so he could fully kiss Billy’s lips. When the lazy, soft pecks seemed to be Steve’s only intent, Billy gripped his shirtfront, the only warning he got before Billy licked the seam of his lips, wanting more. Wanting what they started.

“Mhm…is everything…a power trip with you?” Steve mumbled, but his breath shuddered when Billy pressed his hard groin against Steve’s pelvis.

“Bite me and fuck me—”

The lights went out, because they were tucked far enough behind a garbage bin for the motion detectors to not see them. Steve’s attention moved between these details and he uttered, “Next to the trash?”

Billy growled, “Ughh,” and hauled Steve off the brick and into his off-day business. “I should’ve guessed you were high maintenance.”

But right inside the doors, Billy tapped in the access code to a private elevator. “Where are we going?”

“Top floor penthouse.”

Steve snorted. “You’re like my cockatoo bragging about the highest swing.”

“You have a bird?”

“Yes, I have a bird! A little asshole named, Orchid. He whistles to all of my songs.”

“You’re the strangest excuse for a vampire I’ve ever seen.”

“And you are easy. Thanks for showing me the key to your house.”

Billy looked at him and met a toothy smirk. “Pisces, huh?”

The elevator dinged and Billy was too deep to back out now. He couldn’t tell which of them was the hunter, but he was ready to share a hell of a meal.

#billy's password is his birthday lol #harringrove #vampire!steve #this got away from me #it was supposed to be dark and hot #but here i am #inserting fluff where it doesn't need to be #neonponders #pondermoniums #mobster!billy

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justlikeeddie · 3 years

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I always mean to do an end-of-year fic roundup post and then never get round to it, but...... literally what else am I doing rn

merely players RPF, David Tennant/Michael Sheen, 2.9k, E

“You like this?” Michael asks, honestly intrigued. “You've done this before?”

David looks slightly surprised, but he says, “Yes.” And then, after a moment of consideration, “Not with a man.”

(Sorry, but realising I wrote this THIS YEAR - or at least it was this year yesterday - is absolutely insane. The faint memory of writing this feels like decades ago. Lives ago. If you’d explained the concept of “Staged” to me I would have killed you on the spot)

Your Mirror Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale, 28k, E

“What I’m saying is,” said Crowley, carefully, “You. Me. Running around up here by ourselves. Nobody really paying us that much attention, as long as we put in the paperwork.” He glanced briefly at the ceiling, and then at the ground, and then back at Aziraphale. He flickered his tongue over his lips, raised his eyebrows, and said, softly, “I think that we may have some mutual interests.”

Crossing The Line, written with @laurashapiro-noreally Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale, 10.5k, E

“So how do we actually -- make it happen?” Crowley asked. “Funnily enough, you’re the only one of us who’s possessed someone before.”

“Have you never?”

Crowley pulled a face, shook his head. “Nah. So unsubtle.” Aziraphale, despite everything, smiled again, less nervously. “Well, bit of a last resort, isn’t it? It’s practically admitting you’re not up to the job, temptation-wise. Oh, I couldn’t actually convince that human to do anything immoral, but don’t worry, I just puppeted them like a bodysuit instead. Amateur hour, seriously.”

because it’s you that sets the test X-Men, Charles/Erik, 7k, E

Erik says, “I’m not afraid of you, you know.”

Charles frowns at this. “No, of course not. You shouldn’t be. Why would you be?”

Charles, who can sift through a mind as easily as sand, could presumably shatter a person’s reality from the inside, if he tried. Or without trying. Erik doesn’t know. It makes his pulse quicken, when he thinks about it.

“I think I probably should be, actually,” Erik says. “But I’m not.”

form and land X-Men, Charles/Erik, 0.9k, G

Charles picks up his brandy and knocks it back, and looks down at the chessboard. “It's been a while since I've played.”

This is not the man that Erik remembers. Charles would never have evaded a matter so important; hell, Charles was never the one to break eye contact. Charles drank exclusively for pleasure, and not with the brisk, mechanical movement of someone taking their alcohol medicinally.

“I'll go easy on you,” Erik says, and a strange kind of sorrow twists at him. “It might finally be a fair fight.”

The Parting Glass, written with @the-omnishambles Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale, 16.8k, G

“But anyway, what are you doing for lunch?”

Aziraphale blinked. “This is an abbey, Crowley, you don’t do anything for lunch, you just – eat lunch. In silence.”

“Sounds dull, but all right.”

“What? You obviously can’t join.”

Voluntary Stupidity Due South, Fraser/Vecchio, 1.3k, G

But when he does speak, all Fraser says is, “—Ray.” It’s weird, the way he says it. Not the way Fraser usually says his name, not any of the ways Fraser usually says his name. It sounds surprised and a little strangled, but sort of soft, too. Almost kind.

Ray kind of hates it, actually. Hates that Fraser can look him in the eye, right after Ray went berserk and kissed him in the middle of a bank heist death trap, and then sound like that.

North West, written with @the-omnishambles Due South, Fraser & Vecchio, 11k, G

Of course, Ray reflects - merging seamlessly onto an underpopulated freeway - he mainly suggested this plan out of guilt. He’d been casting around for things that might help, back when Fraser was convalescing and miserable and Ray would have done anything to make amends. Then there seemed no way to back down. You can’t break a deathbed promise, and hilariously (is it hilarious? Ray isn’t sure whether he’s far enough away from all this to have a sense of humour yet), Fraser’s never suggested taking a bullet might be enough, and Ray no longer has amends to make.

Maybe Fraser just plain wants them to go. Maybe he thinks it’ll be good for them, or maybe he actually does need the help. Who the fuck knows what the Mountie is thinking, ever? The point is, there’s no turning back now.

Deduction Due South, Fraser/Kowalski, 3.9k, E

Ray has rather long fingers, his nails cut short. His thumb is bent into an obtuse angle against the glass. His silver bracelet hangs as usual on his wrist, producing the faintest click-swishing sound whenever he moves his arm. And the nearness of him brings a raft of familiar smells: coffee, a sugary sweetness, stale smoke, motor oil.

“Fraser?” says Ray, from above him.

Fraser starts, and takes the glass from his hand. “Thank you.”

“Uh— ” says Ray, and then clears his throat. “Did you just smell me?”

Trash Hard Core Logo, Joe Dick/Billy Tallent, 3.7k, M

“I thought you were gonna walk right off stage. But then you looked at me and you didn’t look angry, you looked— like— I’d never seen you look like that, man, I don’t know. It was like you’d ascended.”

Billy thinks it’s funny, dumb, when Joe says things like that— or else he thinks he’s showing off. He curls his mouth into that little smile that manages to be indulgent and mocking all at once. Usually catches the eye of whoever Joe’s trying to tell the story to, maybe a quirk of the eyebrow. He’s always trying to get other people to gang up on Joe with him, in tiny, pointless ways. Like he’s trying to prove to Joe that he can make friends with other people, and that he can do it better than Joe can.

Also, big shout-out to what felt like hundreds of other fandoms on this hell journey of a year that I apparently became re-invested in enough to read fic, even if not to write it, which I think were uhhhh DOCTOR WHO. HANNIBAL. JONATHAN STRANGE. 2010-ERA CHARLIE BROOKER RPF (DON’T @ ME). SLINGS & ARROWS. TORCHWOOD (DON’T FUCKING @ ME). RAFFLES. Extra special shout-out to whatever the fuck my relationship is with the Supernatural fandom now. okay peace done I’m out

#good omens rpf #good omens #xmfc #cherik #due south #hard core logo #xmens #fic #my fic

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sugarcomatosed · 3 years

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i love your stories so much!! and was wondering if you can give some writing tips perhaps? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Breaking this up into sections for you + putting it under a cut cause I went overboard. 😅

General Writing Tips

These work for both academic and creative writing.

Make an outline.

It doesn't have to be a formal one, but having at least a general idea of the scenes you want to include is helpful. If I know my fic is going to be a longer one (like Don't Hesitate was and my current WIP is), I break down the larger story beats i want to hit on a piece of paper or my iPad.

It's good to know what you're planning to do, in a any piece I usually have a single specific scene I want to do and depending on what it is, I might either just do the scene I want to or turn into something longer.

Draft, draft, draft.

I cannot stress the importance of going through and reviewing your work. This is a big part of any sort of writing.

Your first idea isn't always your best idea. As you work on a piece you might find your original idea is holding you back, focus shifts! Don't be afraid to let your work change as you go. It's not always easy to let go of your original idea but if you find it's not working, you have to let it change. Sections will need to be rewritten, things have to be readjusted to fit with later sections. Reread for clarity while you're drafting and look to see if this makes sense to you, or reads well to you. If you can't follow it and you wrote it, chances are your reader can't either. Did you use the same phrase again and again? Find and search it on your doc to double check.

Sometimes you have to cut things you really like because they just don't contribute to the fic anymore. Save those bits and use them somewhere else!In a lot of my longer pieces I will write a paragraph, realize that's not where it should go and cut/paste it into another part of the doc because the pacing/scene doesn't make sense where I had it originally, but it works somewhere else.

If you're stuck, skip around, come back and then stitch the bits you have written together.

Don't Focus on a Word Count

This might be controversial, but I'm of the opinion just because something is longer does not make it better. Some works are short, and that's okay! I very rarely try to aim for a specific count of words unless it's for a prompt exchange or a personal challenge. I write till I feel the piece is done. Some stories require more words, some require less.

Don't Hesitate is a great example of this again, because all I wanted to do was a bittersweet first kiss fic, but jumping write into the kiss wouldn't get the full effect I wanted. Meanwhile, with Old Habits all I wanted to do was write dumb comedic kisses, we didn't need a 2k preamble.

Get Someone You Trust to Edit

My go to editor for the past six years or so is one of my good friends. She has edited everything from college papers to my fics for me before I post them to read for clarity, find any funky phrases or misspelled words I missed, and I do the same for her when she asks! A fresh set of eyes makes a world of a difference. Find someone to trade fics with or ask a friend! They might have good suggestions you never thought of, or be able to tell what you were going for when you don't even know yourself.

I also rely on my friends a lot to brainstorm and talk my ideas out before I start because it helps me think and figure out what I need. It's super common for me to text someone and say "im gonna spitball at you, that okay?" and then spend twenty minutes chatting through my ideas.

Have Reference Material

For my 13sar fics, I regularly go back and review/screenshot videos of the dialogue to make sure I am staying consistent with story events, character nuance and small details. You don't have to go crazy, but it is really helpful to have your source material to go back to and check yourself against. In non creative writing I always had a pile of papers highlighted with my own notes on the margins.

Take Breaks/Pace Yourself

Know your own limits, and if you are working and working on something and it's not coming out leave it alone and come back to it. I'm really bad at this personally because when I get an idea in my head I want to see it through but sometimes you gotta step back! It's not healthy to keep working on things and overwork yourself. Stretch, get up go for a walk.

Write What You Want to Write

Don't focus on what people want to read. Focus on what you like. Find a topic, a scene, anything that you are passionate about and the rest will follow. The only time I write fic for other people is when I am writing for a friend. Even prompt requests I only take open ended ones, if I am not interested in writing it it's not gonna happen. I know it's super hard and I get really anxious sometimes about letting people down now, or worrying people won't like something but then I step back and remind myself this is a hobby and I'm doing it for fun.

Play to Your Strengths

You shouldn't try to write like me, you should try to write like yourself. Find what skills you have and use them to your advantage!

I can't give you a step by step list to write like me, because nobody in the world has my background! We're all unique. Everything I've listed so far I know because I'm not a beginner anymore! I'm in my twenties and have come from a strong academic writing background.

I took on an intensive course load in high school, and then went onto college for a sociology degree. I very rarely had test based finals and at the end of each semester would have five 10-15 page papers to submit. Straight up some of my skills come from having read and studied the works of anthropologist Clifford Geertz. I am not saying you should read anthropology/sociology texts. Unless you like that sort of thing lol

I also have 6+ years of theater experience (acting & directing), I use this all the time for my writing. When I think about a scene, I think about how I would work through it as an actor, how the character would move, and how would things read to an audience. The GOTE ("Goal, Obstacle, Tactics, and Expectation") method of acting by Robert Cohen is really useful hear if you want a more technical breakdown of what I mean by that.

This leads to a lot of what we called "business" in acting, doing small tiny things while you talk or move around on stage to give the sense you're a real human. I don't have to think or try on these sort of things because they're in my skill set already!

Things I do Personally

As in, these are not transferable skills this is just the stuff I do while working on projects.

Find a Vibe™️

I come into any fic with usually a goal I want to hit, a line of dialogue or something I want to capture. Just like, the general idea of a feeling a song even if the lyrics don't match up. Make a mood-board, a playlist, just find something you wanna do. It's less about the actual words on the page and what you're aiming to do.

Look to things that inspire you

Don't Hesitate got written because I wanted to write a fic that captured the same vibe as a scene in Macross Frontier, where two characters have a bittersweet kiss before the final battle and that scene still has me fucked up six years after watching it.

My current WIP is doing the same thing but with the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown. Two characters working through loneliness, the sudden feeling of falling in love and the frustration that feeling can bring on sometime.

I don't plagiarize them word for word, but these are scenes that inspire me! I also patchwork quilt ideas together. Using Don't Hesitate again, I also ended up pulling from a bunch of shoujo anime, Toradora, Sailor Moon, Yona of the Dawn, Princess Tutu...specific scenes I enjoy to blend and create something new.

Goof Off While You Write

I name my documents stupid things, I write dumb placeholder dialogue or vague sentiments like "insert better word here", I make memes when I'm struggling and roast myself and my predictable tastes.

I spent twenty minutes texting a friend Juro's name with different letters spelt out and then the "fuck your chickenstrips" vine saying it was Juro during destruction. Just have fun with it!

Listen to J-POP On Loop for Hours at a Time

i am not kidding I do this all the time. Perfume, AKB48, anime idol osts, Sailor Moon's OPs/ED, vocaloid songs. I like technopop and Japanese is good because it usually doesn't distract my brain since I only know random phrases, but still know what the meaning og the song is.

I love music, it helps me vibe out.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work ;o;

I hope this is useful to you in some way! I'm so sorry it's so long winded but I am overly thorough and love to teach people ;w;

#sugar speaks #sugar writes #okay to reblog

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bytemycupcakes · 4 years

Text

Changeling!Pabit AU

I said I was makin a post and I don’t care that nobody seems interested in him cause I love this little puppet boy and wont stop making aus for him.

Under a cut cause l o n g e

-Pabit only ever remembers Boris as his caretaker

-Not unusual for a changeling, really but it’s true

-Boris always says he just found Pabit on a walk. People usually take that as a joke, but he’s being serious.

-Ya see, Pabit wandered a bit too far from the fae as an infant, and Boris almost tripped over him on a walk in the woods.

-Boris picked up this strange little faerie baby, they made eye contact, and Pabits body shifted to resemble Boris.

-Well fuck I guess Boris has a kid now. The thought of calling the local orphanage doesn’t even cross his mind, it’s really just, “Ah fuck I found a kid.. Guess I’m a dad then”

-Really the fact that Pabit seemed to latch onto and form to look like Boris didn’t help with that train of thought.

-It didn’t take long at all for it to click in Boris’ head that Pabit wasn’t human. Obviously the whole shapeshifting thing, but this child was practically FERAL.

-In a non-babyproofed home, Pabit wreaked havoc. Being a master at hiding, scuttering Boris’ walls, and getting into everything, especially things that a baby shouldn’t be touching.

-It took ages for Boris to get the house at least somewhat Pabit-proofed.

-Pabit still manages to get into shit constantly, it’s like a talent.

-Just like Child!Au, Pabit is not Pabit’s actual name, it’s a name he gained later on because of how much he mimics Boris. (Whats his actual name? No idea)

-Pabit’s gender was literally assigned. He doesn’t have typical human anatomy, being completely androgynous, and thus Boris just... -stamps Pabit with “boy” sticker-

-By the time of the habitat, Pabit id’s as masc non-binary

-Boris considers the day he found Pabit as his birthday, not actually knowing how old he was when found, he counts up from that date, thus where Pabit being 15 comes from.

-Pabit is so tall both because he is fae, and because his body mimics Boris for its aging. So he’s just.. so fucking tall.

-Pabit has a shadow form, but didn’t seem to gain one until he first saw Boris do it when he was a toddler.

-For awhile he’d just randomly shift to it, until his subconscious realized it was primarity an anger-based “transformation”

-While Boris’ shadow form is just intense anger, Pabit’s becomes almost like a rage. As his body grows to adapt most of his non-human ability (strength and some subtle basic magic) into said form.

-Depending on the source of anger, Pabit can be incredibly destructive or eerily calm but a ticking bomb.

-Even Boris gets a bit scared when Pabit shifts to the form... One too many times he’s had his house demolished from this child- Or even being injured by the rage (Nothing serious, but more damage than an 8 y/o should be able to give a grown man)

-From a very young age Pabit always showed signs of adhd/autism. Though he doesn’t technically have these conditions because he’s fae, he’s found comfort in knowing he’s not just really weird, and if people ask about it, he and Boris will just say he has ADHD and/or is autistic*

*[Lil step back: This whole au exists because I heavily project my adhd onto Pabit. And my girlfriend, who is autistic, loves the changeling trope (We even call her one fairly often). So please don’t get hateful about this]

-Boris was always pretty open about Pabit not being human, never tried to hide it from him. He grew up as the outcast and couldn’t figure out why, he’s not gonna let his son feel that same lost and broken feeling.

-Pabit tends to speak in broken sentences. He can speak in full, but feels more comfortable doing more of a Hulk speech pattern. Thus he often talks in third person, and leaves out words he deems unneeded to understand the sentence.

-He’ll fall into proper speech when ranting or infodumping, though. Speaking much more like Boris, with proper and large words.

-He stutters over bigger words a lot, and sometimes gets frustrated and just uses “dumbed down” language in its place (this is how he’ll describe it)

-Pabit has a major hyperfixation of puppetry and puppet making, and a smaller one on musical theatre/acting.

-There is Pabit, and then an actual puppet Habit. It was a gift for fathers day, and though it’s not as pretty as the irl puppet, it’s still pretty damn good for a 15 y/o with claws. Boris keeps it on a shelf in his office, it’s Pabits favorite out of all the puppets he’s made.

-Pabit will nab it and, using Boris’ desk as a stage, will just talk to Boris as “Boris”.

-Boris finds this absolutely adorable, and goes along with it. He’s made several business deals with this puppet. Usually for teeth.

-Which yes, Pabit eats. (No Pabit au is complete if he doesn’t eat teeth, fight me.)

-Pabit stims. A lot. His most common stims are kicking, bouncing, or wiggling his legs, chewing (Yes teeth eating is a stim for him, but he mostly goes for more rubbery textures), hand flapping, and full body wiggling/bouncing. He’ll also play with his hair, but it’s not as common.

-Pabit will occasionally repeat things, usually funny things he hears while giggling.

-Pabit’s hair is so stupidly thicc and curly that no stylist in town will deal with it.

-Boris has learned to cut hair, which comes in handy more often than you’d expect in a house of two very long-haired people.

-aka: Pabits hair grows so fucking fast, its ridiculous.

-His hair sticks together so much that it almost acts like one solid pillow-like mass. No hairtie can contain it. (If it’s tied back, it’s usually an actual string litterally tied around his hair)

-Pabits ears can emote, they don’t move much, but it’s noticeable. They wiggle when he gets really heccin happy.

-Pabit’s pupils alwas seem to be slitted, but at general shock (among other various things) his iris’ will slit aswell, leaving Pabit with a line in some massive sclara’s.

-Pabit has gotten very good at sewing thanks to his love of puppet making. This becomes very useful since he usually has to tailor his clothes slightly.

-In the habitat proper, Pabit is surprisingly popular with all the kids. Most notably Tim Tam and Trevor.

-He knew Trevor (And of Nat) before the habitat. He and Trevor are classmates while Nat is in the class behind them.

-Trevor didn’t really acknowledge Pabit’s existence until he bit a bully and seemed to break skin effortlessly??? hmmmmmmmm.

-Thus Trevor started theorizing, nothing in depth, but the kid was on his radar.

-Trevor was really surprised to find Pabit in the habitat, and even more surprised when Pabit told him Boris is his dad.

-The most these two ever talked before the habitat was a single “peer review” assignment, but in the habitat they start talking a lot more cause they’re the oldest kids, know eachother a bit, and both need to infodump like crazy.

-It takes a while for Trevor to get used to Pabits broken speech, but he eventually finds himself mimicing it occasionally. and Pabit will mimic him as well (adhd solidarity, boys)

-Pabit and Tim Tam can communicate non-verbally with no trouble at all. Thus this is used to wreak so much havoc on habititians since they’re both feral little goblins.

-It doesn’t help that Pabit has special access to “employees only” areas since he’s Boris’ son.

-Trevor and Pabit have gone on massive theory rants about random musicals while Nat’s in the room and she just watches these two in confused awe because of all the little details they’ll pull out to support these wild theories.

-Nat seriously has no idea how these two can just. keep. going. It’s been three hours at least let her have a snack!

-Pabit has allowed Trevor to ask so many weird questions about him because Pabit is also very curious about what exactly he is.

-Boris isn’t going to question why Trevor was poking at Pabit’s ribcage with a pen and just let boys be boys.

-Nat supplies Trevor with books on mythical beings she steals from Trencils room.

-Even with the three of them mostly working together, they cant figure out exactly what Pabit is.

-Until they’re all going over it in the boiler room one day. Where Wallus can hear them.

-YES ONCE AGAIN WALLUS IS NOT HUMAN! AGAIN, FIGHT ME.

-Did three children just lure out the frightened janitor cause they’re describing changelings and Wallus, a fae, knows about these kinda things? Yes. Yes they did.

-Wallus really never got a good look at Pabit before he took refuge in the wall, Pabit never got too involved in his work, or his talks with Boris. So Wallus isn’t too surprised that he missed it.

-It takes a bit of courage building from Wallus and Pabit litterally dragging him to Boris’ office before Wallus talks to Boris about how he aquired Pabit.

-Lots of details short: Wallus actually remembers when Pabit went missing which is pretty neat.

-Boris was almost worried he’d lose Pabit to his birth parents... Until Wallus says they didn’t really worry too much cause he was supposed to be put into someones life anyway. Was only mildly concerning since the fae couldn’t keep an eye on him.

-Pabit barely processes any of this information. Same with nearly all fae information Wallus tells him.

-Its not that he doesn’t like it or anything, he just doesn’t really care about the details. He got a name for what he is and why he acts like he does, and now he’s done. Mission complete.

[I wanna type more but my adhd is being MEAN so I’ll stop here for now. Feel free to send me asks about this au tho cause I love it]

EDIT:

-One last thing: Pabit loves the night. He adores the moon. He loves sitting on the roof past bedtime just to stare at the sky

#smile for me #smile for me Pabit #smile for me au #sfm au #Boris Habit #sfm boris habit #Sfm Pabit #Puppet Habit #Trevor Garbo #wallus breadbear #Tim Tam #Nat Vancy

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velvet-tread · 6 years

Text

A theory, or wild speculation, or whatever; anyway there’s some Bellarke

Here follows a collection of thoughts that don’t quite add up to a thesis yet

Season 5 had one of the best runs of episodes I’ve seen on this show ever - strong themes, great setups, impactful character beats. 9 straight episodes of near-perfection.

But imo it fell short in the last couple of episodes. How short depends on your perspective, but my feelings about it range from mildly disappointed to Jane Austen mourning weeds and little weepy handkerchiefs. Either way - the collapse into fudgy incoherence and loose ends actually undid all of the great work the show did in the first 9 episodes. WHICH IS FUCKING INFURIATING.

The show painstakingly put together so much excellent character and relationship set ups which either never materialised or didn’t pay off or just fizzled out. And now I’m left wondering what it all meant, which not only frustrates me on a viewer level but also makes me feel like an idiot for wildly overestimating what the show was doing with the material.

*looks at the X Files forever*

Just to pick a few things out at random.

a) Bellarke were put in conflict, but there was no emotional pay-off, the framing was all over the place and the resolution basically a post-script.

b) We spent the series agonising about the wisdom of going to war on a fragile planet, but the actual harbinger of Apocalypse 3.0 (I can’t believe I have to write that) was someone only tangentially related to that storyline, whom every single named character bar Kabby was trying to stop. So was everyone wrong? Or just ineffectual? The latter is far less interesting and more depressing tbh.

c) The worms

d) Memori

e) I could go on

I repeat, I would not be so pernickety if the run up to the s5 finale hadn’t been so good, and the set up so promising. The idea of a reboot was genius. The Bellarke separation was genius. Blodreina = genius. Mama Bear Clarke = genius. Eligius = genius. Spacekru = genius.

But ultimately? Can ANYONE tell me what s5 meant? What difference did any of those things make in the end? What conflict was resolved satisfactorily? I’d argue that the Blodreina/Blake siblings arc worked the best (although *howl* Bellamy was never given any in-universe context for Blodreina) but generally I’m left with the feeling that very few of these stories or conflicts had any meaning whatsoever, and especially not Bellarke.

So I have a theory and I stand to be corrected as ever because I am very much processing.

I think there’s a strong possibility Jason and/or the 100 writers room began rewriting the back end of season 5 as they were filming the early season 5 material.

Given Jason’s comments immediately after the finale, I’m inclined to believe that the rewrites, if I’m right, were mostly around Bellarke and the Flame. Specifically, I think that at some point when they were filming mid-season, Jason changed his mind about how Bellarke-y he wanted the season to be, if at all. And on top of that, I think as he was pitching season 6 around that time, he realised that he wanted to go full-hog with the Flame in season 6.

Those two things might be connected. Perhaps Jason realised the full extent to which he coud “bring Lexa back” without actually bringing back ADC, around the Flame. Perhaps he wants to recreate the show’s Clexa glory days. And perhaps romantic Bellarke isn’t compatible with that vision. Dumb, in my view, but hey.

Perhaps, he just realised that he can’t doesn’t want to write romantic Bellarke.

If that’s the case, then well, *shrugs*. Less satisfying for me, but I don’t own this shit. I do, however, own the prerogative to speculate wildly on how and why they squandered all that promise in the last couple of eps.

Certainly, a mid-season back end emergency rewrite would explain a few things:

1.The loose threads and wonky framing

For example, Clarke’s fury at Bellamy for putting the Flame into Madi’s head was just...dropped? Why? When it was SUCH A BIG DEAL in 509? What were we supposed to the think about that? What was she? And Bellamy, who didn’t appear to even remember who Clarke was until he saw her at the ship, being angry at her? Really? Where? Since when? And importantly - why?

I’m a writer and it’s my experience that the best planning you do for a piece is when you approach it at the start. You brainstorm. You get your thoughts together. You address each problem and question and mould it into a whole so it all makes sense.

But when you finish the thing and you look at it and you think - the thesis is wrong! I need to restructure the entire thing! That’s when mistakes get made. Especially if, for example, you’re up against a deadline or in this case a filming schedule, the threads that you would usually pick up at the planning stage or in the editing stage get missed. And because they are part of the final editing process, there’s nobody around to pick them up and properly address them.

Result? Fudge.

2. The curious ambivalence about Becho.

Look I ADORE Becho. They are soft, and loving and real af. I fully believe that was always intended to be the case.

I think Becho was set up as a benchmark, for Bellamy in particular, a symbol of his peace and prosperity in space,. And, of course, I think it was also set up as a point of conflict for Octavia and Clarke. In the case of the latter, it was definitely a silent love triangle. How do you explain the love triangle framing on two separate occasions? How else do you explain the two separate interviews Jason gave about love triangles?

But here’s what Becho was not set up as: a relationship that was supposed to develop on-screen and take the audience with it. Becho had no arc this season. It wasn’t “a story” per se, however much Tasya and Bob’s chemistry electrified me. It was the backbone to *other* stories.

So, why, then, were Becho given every single Bellarke beat, especially towards the end? A background of forgiveness? Check. A steadying influence on each other. Check. The person they’re fighting for? Check. Plotting together? Check? Battle couple? Check.

Contrast with Bellarke. Forgiveness? That’s something for Bellamy and Madi to discuss without Clarke! Battle plans? Clarke will do that with Echo instead (oh my GODDD my ot3 came to life there *clutches hands and wishes upon a star*). A steadying influence on each other? Maybe! Until they forget each other’s names when they’re not in a scene together! People they’re fighting for? Definitely not each other.

Meanwhile bts, the messages were VERY confusing. So the show was giving us a Becho that, while very real, was not the core of the story. Which was probably why, in early season 5, some deep Becho nods (the extra forehead touch, the “I love her”) found their way on to the editing room floor. All legit. But then, the script-to-screens then BROUGHT THOSE THINGS BACK to the viewer’s attention? Why? Why give us those things even though they were cut? Was it because maybe, the show had changed direction after the fact?

And don’t get me wrong. I loved every second of the show’s affirmation of Becho. I still adore them. But how does it fit into the jigsaw of the show as it stands? It doesn’t really. In fact, if you just swap Echo for Clarke in Bellamy’s storyline this season, you would have a hard time telling me that this isn’t exactly what romantic Bellarke would look like - the only difference is that in terms of screentime, Becho’s antagonism has had far more time, and Bellarke’s forgiveness/working together has had more time. IN-UNIVERSE, IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. It’s why shipping Becho comes so easily for me. And if the show wanted to frame that as Clarke’s personal tragedy, I would get it and probably relish it. But the trouble is, I’m having a hard time understanding what the show *is* saying about Becho and Bellarke, because it seems to be constantly changing its mind.

WHICH. BY THE WAY. MADE THAT ENTIRE WAKE-UP MARPER VLOG SEQUENCE A MASSIVE DAMP BELLARKE SQUIB.

SORRY.

3. The Flame suddenly jumping to prominence as a tool rather than as a symbol late in the season.

The show went from framing the Flame as a threat to this kid, who had hidden from it her whole life, for whom it meant literal nightmares of people burning at the stake, something for Clarke to rightly protect her from, to something that turned her into a mouthpiece for Lexa, to Clarke’s hostility to it being framed as “wrong”. There was an abrupt change of tone imo, to Clarke’s fears being justified to Clarke’s fears making her, and I quote Jason from an interview that nearly made me choke on my cereal, a “helicopter” mum.

Excuse me while I punch the nearest object to smithereens.

The Flame “gave” Madi battle ideas (which were different from Octavia’s how, exactly?) by Gaia’s bedside, with just a MANTRA? That whole scene felt cobbled together at the last minute. Like a film student’s badly edited homework.

It’s giving Clarke life lessons, ffs!

*clenches fist*

The whole thing feels like a season 5 retcon, hastily put together to justify Madi still having the thing in her head for season 6, when it can do it’s victory lap for real.

4. The scenes that were dropped

a) Bob and Eliza both referenced a big Bellarke scene that got cut. My guess? Not a romantic scene but some kind of Hakeldama that allowed them to hash out their various beefs with each other and probably involved some shit talking about the Flame.

b) And like, if that scene had some tenderness in it? Too Bellarke maybe? No, Bellarke BAD BAD BAD *stern looks*

c) also, wasn’t Echo supposed to have a sad scene of sitting in the snow and remembering Azgeda? That was supposed to be at the snowy back end of the season, but Echo had no sads really. Only fierce spacekru love and some cuddles and some good sexy time. Was there an Echo sad that got cut? What was it related to?

5. The writers room walkout

Yeah. I don’t know what that means, but it sure means something.

Just fyi...for some context. I love Becho and they currently own my heart but until recently Bellarke was very much my otp. Probably, deep down, it still is.

But I’m getting tired of running this race. I have no problem with the show doing a slow burn. I have no problem with platonic Bellarke. But I need consistency and, importantly, I need the show to remember that Bellarke are the backbone of this show. Their relationship - however you frame it - is the heart and without it the show is nothing but a collection of Elon Musk conspiracy theories on reddit.

JUST LETTING THEM HAVE A CONVERSATION =/= BELLARKE ROMANCE.

If you want them platonic, fine, you win. But gutting their relationship from the inside out to try to ward off the sniff of shipping is just counterproductive. It’s the lack of real, meaningful connection that really turned me off Bellarke this season, not the lack of kiss or lack of romantic framing. Early in the season? Yes, the set up was all there and it looked GREAT. But their conflict never got off the ground and we never got a cathartic resolution to show us the characters really, truly mean something to each other.

Ultimately the show forgot that they were friends who love each other, and I just *clenches fist* can’t ship that. Maybe that’s what the show wanted. But the flipside is that at this point I’m not really invested in their relationship in any context, which is why the end shot left me cold. I hope Bellarke hasn’t died in my heart forever but...idk it doesn’t look good.

#bellarke #rip my beautiful earth babies #you'll have a special place for me forever #but i can't run this obstable course anymore #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #tagging becho #too #also don't send me hate #i'll block you

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bushybeardedbear · 6 years

Text

So Season 7 of Voltron Legendary Defender... Oh Boy...

I had so much spoiled before watching it. Thanks email alerts. So after seeing so much spoiled already, I started lurking in Tumblr again. By the time I’d actually got round to watching the season I felt like I’d already watched most of it and was primed with all the various thoughts and opinions people were sharing online. In the days beforehand I was up and down like a yoyo on a rollercoaster. Hopeful one day, thinking it’s not even worth watching the next. Hovering my finger over “delete” on both this blog and my fics at points... Even contemplating that right now if I’m honest. Maybe I should have been Bushy Bearded Drama-Llama?

In any case, having finally sat down with rock bottom, possibly even sub zero expectations and watched, here are my thoughts now season seven is over... Well... In short, I think it suffers a lot from being so rushed. And before you say it, no, going in with low expectations wasn’t a self fulfilling prophecy. Psychologically speaking the opposite is true. If we go into something with low expectations, we tend to have a better opinion overall than we would have if we went in with sky high expectations. And whilst it may seem like I hated it so far...? Well, no. I didn’t hate it. There were some parts that didn’t gel with me, but to say I hated it would be an insult to everyone involved. But that doesn’t make it free from criticism. If you care what this bear’s about to growl about, strap in, it’s not a short one. Not kidding. This is long. But I guess I needed to get my feelings down and hopefully have someone patient enough to read it and see that I’m not completely insane. And, thought I shouldn’t have to say this... None of this comes from a place of hate. No, I don’t think regardless of how you feel about this season that hatred to the creators is ever acceptable. If you feel you must, then voice your grievances calmly, rationally, but the second you resort to hate you have already lost. Though what I would suggest is to just accept this season as it is and move on. Moving on is partly why I’m compelled to write this post. Maybe if you are going to read this monster, bring some caramel to counteract the salt...

The Season Itself

So within the first episode, I’m already full of mixed emotions. Yes, the Plance moment was great. Yes, the dynamic between Hunk and Romelle was cool. Coran was great, supportive Crolia, the none too subtle dig at Prometheus as Lance and Pidge ran from the grass... (Don’t think we didn’t spot that you writer rascals! Run at an angle!) I remain in Sheith Limbo trying to reconcile they met when Keith was literally a child and relationships can grow and develop with a worried dash of will people misinterpret this as grooming if they got together...? But a lot of it was by the by. Honey I Shrunk The Paladins was a great fun start to the series interspersed with great emotional character building for Shiro and Keith. It fleshed them both out in ways I wish we’d seen sooner and as others have pointed out drastically reframes a lot of the protective over Shiro moments in the context of his degenerative disease. And yet, it doesn’t make Shiro a victim, nor Keith a white knight, it keeps them both flawed yet strong heroes. Tiny cute paladins, Lance’s cargo pilot reference. As always the design of the planets is gorgeous. Lance sharpshooting. The attention to detail with little things like in scale surface tension! I can’t overstate how much time, effort and thought has gone into this! The narrative parallels of the speeder bikes. Honestly, there is SO much to unpack in just one episode that could easily be overlooked as silly and/or filler. But it’s so much. Keith’s growth is such fun to watch, confirmation of certain fan theories is great yet so sad at the same time...

It allowed Romelle to actually have a character that wasn’t just “Lotor Plot Delivery Service” and her interactions with Hunk were pretty adorable. “Are all ancient Alteans like this?” Was a great subtle piece of world building as well. And yeah, pretty sure I saw @hailqiqi mention this already, but Hunk and Romelle are so the audience surrogates. The one and only thing that bugged me, given the fact that so much of Voltron has had to be rushed or cut for time... Did we really need the flashbacks in this episode shown twice back in the quantum abyss episode...? Couldn’t that time in the QA been used for something else...? But that’s a very minor gripe. Overall, I massively enjoyed this episode but I’m still nervous given the priming from the fandom going forward... But that last hug? Saving Shiro with his voice / quintessence maybe?

The Road home starts off well, though the idea that still nobody knows or comments on Katie’s name being such did disappoint me a little... The space road trip starting up was so cute, even if Lance’s logic of passengers is lost on me...aside from maybe cutting Pidge some slack. Let me Headcanon that little touch of unconscious favouritism, yeah? Though his taking charge in the battle here, being the right hand man, was really nice to see here. From the audience perspective, he may be stating the obvious, but in canon, that’s what we call battlefield awareness. Imagine season 1 Lance doing this? Nah. Buthe’s had no growth, so people say... “It’s super dangerous, it’s perfect!” Wonderful! And Keith’s leadership! Great stuff. (Almost) Everyone getting a chance to shine in the cave combat was also awesome. Full on frenetic energy, a little flourish of comedy from time to time, great characterisation, calm before the storm leading to a sudden yet satisfying cliffhanger? Full on Voltron to a T.

"I will help you look for that passage.” Is a cute Plance moment that others are overlooking I feel. Coran’s memoirs are something I would personally read the hell out of. I don’t know about the rest of you. But seeing the entire saga retold through Coran’s eyes...? I’d love to see it. I’m also kinda happy to know how “Acxa” is pronounced! The slow reveal of the time skip up until the reveal at the end is nice, though honestly not as mysterious as the show seemed to think it was. Maybe it was just that I got spoiled? Evil power couple were great as well and it was nice to see the ice pop mystery solved. A return of Altean shapeshifting was nice to see. “Sweet on that one with the flippity hair” and “your favourite paladin” “never wanted to kill him” “true love”? Seems a little out of left field. Unexpected? Maybe not, just rushed? Axca and Keith seemed a little sudden. To me felt like they just needed to pair a spare and keep Kieth and Allura apart. Which, I get into later. Keith being able to transport his bayard seems...fine...? Why are people complaining about this? Paladins summon their bayarads all the time. He just did it from a few extra feet...? I do wish Coran had a chance to play to his strengths though. Aside from his courage. He has brains and feels like he needs to use them more or be written in scenarios where he can use them. The three year time skip, when revealed, seems like it was just a convenient way to avoid the immediate aftermath of Lotor losing the throne. It works in that regard I suppose. But by the end of this episode I wasn’t really sold on it.

Nice new haircut though Axca. Really sells the redeemed rebel former baddie archetype. And thank goodness for your exposition. Tell don’t show, am I right? One of the ways we can see the show was rushed I feel. Though again, maybe just being picky...

The Game Show Episode. I was expecting this later in the season honestly. It was good for comic relief I guess, so it served it’s purpose. Seeing the first family of the Galra along for some comedy was great if only for Neil Kaplan having such fun. But it felt like it was missing something. I can’t quite put my finger on what. It was nice to get insight into how the Paladins feel about each other but again, it felt like a way to get those ideas and characterisations out into the open without having to, y’know, show them in natural narrative progression. It’s probably the weakest of the comedy episodes so far and it felt a little like it was all just happening until it eventually stopped. It didn’t feel like the little hints of “tv flickering” implying something artificial were necessary. In fact, as soon as I saw the concept I thought “so, all powerful being captures them for reasons?” and that’s pretty much what we got. It was...ok. Just ok. And y’know what...? After seven seasons, maybe we do need to drop the “Lance is the dumb one” joke? I mean, yes, he’s not as smart as the rest of the team. No doubt. But if he’d been given a chance to shine on his own terms, with his own abilities, if they’d subverted the goofball archetype rather than doubling down on it I think this would have made for a more interesting episode. Just because it’s comedy doesn’t mean it doesn’t have to be compelling. The Voltron Show for instance literally dealt with Coran pushing himself so hard to help the Paladins that he was willing to resort to what was essentially a mind altering drug and forcing himself to kick the habit. Where was the actual plot in this episode? Funny moments need a framework and this kinda lacked a framework in my opinion.

Really episode 5? A Kobayashi Maru scenario...? Indeed, running a simulation when the lions are running on fumes...? Ok, you do you I guess... Little self referential humour from Coran was nice, but a little on the nose. And honestly, I think these episodes are starting to feel like, I dunno, filler material? Like, nothing is really being furthered in terms of the massive plots they still need to deal with. Did the journey back to Earth really need to take so many episodes, or could these have been more efficiently used to deal with countless plot threads that remain unresolved...? It’s a strange thing to be feeling at this stage, but maybe there’s more to come...? And...it felt like another clip show filling out the backstory of the three years of Voltron being missing... Maybe it’s just me, but if you have written yourself into a scenario where the only way out is repeated massive exposition dumps... Maybe you need to rethink your story just a touch...? The fact it was also told from an unreliable narrator also means it wasn’t just exposition...it was literally pointless exposition that was likely mostly a combination of lies and half truths. And I’m sorry but, were people really clamouring for a rematch between Keith and “That One Nameless Druid...?” Really? You won’t hear me denying it was cool fight scene, yes indeed, but the set up wasn’t exactly great in my opinion. As for how Keith managed to win? Ok, sure, I guess summoning the Bayard from a few feet was a build up to something else, something even more special that may or may not get resolved this season. I’m writing these as I go. Or will it be one more plot point that will need to be resolved in the next season with limited time and episodes to do so? Keith and Krolia’s goodbye was sad. I do hope for a reunion, but honestly don’t expect it. I imagine she’ll die off screen for shock value. Sadly, I already know the fate of Altean colony and why Haggar has forsaken her druids, so, no real hook for me there.

So the halfish way point. Lost in space, desperately trying to force plance out of every interaction... And ultimately, just getting bored. I mean, yes, I get that they need to reconnect with each other... But there are countless ways it could have been resolved other than this. It didn’t really feel like there was need for this particular journey into the darkest cave. It also feels a little forced that after saving countless realities by working together, they now all get forced apart...? Hunk saving the day, saving the team, great. Really wonderful stuff. He’s been overlooked for so long. But the idea that they needed to become friends again...? To reconnect...again...? I don’t know that it felt necessary. If after all these years, literal years together there isn’t already a profound connection...? I just can’t really buy that. And again, it felt like a filler episode. And Hunk Priming the audience for the concept of passing the torch? Yeah, that didn’t go unseen. Maybe it’s just me, but after six episodes where it was already established that they can travel at crazy speeds to be told “yeah no, it’s not that the lions were drained, it’s just these people who’ve literally saved the universe together aren’t quite best friends enough...”? That just feels silly. And yes, I know “silly” is relative when we’re talking about a powerful group of robot magical cat things that are powered by love and freindship. BUT what I feel was silly was the idea that their friendship was strained at all. It felt as though the season wanted there to be this divide between them but...the comedy episode just a little while ago established they’re all willing to sacrifice themselves for each other....

That’s just....fundamentally contradictory. Are you guys barely even connected as friends or are you willing to die for each other? You can’t be both... It makes the whole “struggle” of getting back to Earth feel false because it’s predicated on the assumption that they’re a fractured team this episode yet there’s been literally no sign of that until now... Still, as always, the visuals were cool. The Space Angler Fish is a great concept. The music was great. The voice acting was on point. Everything was so SO good except...the writing... The writing in this particular episode in the context of everything preceding it just felt... Bad. Rushed. Forced. Contradictory. Drama for the sake of drama. Artificial... What’s going on guys...?

So a multiparter? Let’s see. Ok. Seeing how awesome Sam Holt is, fine. Seeing him reunite with Colleen. Also fine and dandy and cool. And it tugged at the heart strings... But do we really need him to literally tell us everything we already know in a power point presentation...? The audience doesn’t need to be caught up on the events.We don’t need a massive chunk of the episode’s run time devoted to playing catch up. We have the time for this, but apparently - according to the spoilers - we don’t have time to establish that Allura is getting over Lotor and Falling for Lance...? Not even a throw away line, or a glance, or a suggestion of that fact that needs establishing after her season six reaction to the mice... But we do have time for the events of the show to be repeated to us...? What!? I am literally bewildered at this choice. Flabbergasted. Gobsmacked.

The worst thing about this so far, is that under all the EXPOSITION there’s a great story that wants too be told. I think we’re only seeing fragments of that story. Sam and Coleen struggling to find their children again and fighting against political nonsense. But real talk... This was all stuff that could have done just fine implied. The Paladins arrive on Earth, they see the new ships piloted by their inevitable replacements in the new series they seem to want to make, Lance asks, “What are those?” Sam responds, “A fusion of Galra, Altean and Olkari tech. The culmination of months of Earth’s greatest minds working together. It was a struggle, but we got them made in the end...” BOOM. Done. Efficient use of what is obviously painfully limited time. Did we NEED the power point, the montages, the backdoor pilot for the new team...? Did we - good as they were - even need the Holt Family suffering...? Couldn’t Coleen’s transmission to everyone on Earth have been enough to get the point across that they’re awesome...? In my opinion, we didn’t need this. Not like this at least. It could have been done so much more efficiently, so much less padding. But we did get to see snippets of the messages back home. That was nice. But it doesn’t change the fact that the majority of the first episode felt really... Unnecessary. But that’s just how I feel after part one... So, the first half of the second episode? Superb. Can’t fault it, good heroic stuff, Sam stepping up. A realistic invasion of Earth, ie, we lose that’s rare to see in most media. Can’t fault it. Then the second half kicks in. The four archetypes we’ve been barely introduced to, go on a mission that narratively speaking is utterly unnecessary. I know that the Atlas gets built thanks to spoilers. But even if I didn’t, what function does this part serve? We may not be able to build a thing. Later on, that thing will be built. Do we need to into the minutiae of how the supplies were gathered...? Well, I suppose we do. But not because of how it serves the overall plot of Voltron Legendary Defender, but how it sells these new kids to us for the new series they obviously assume they’re making. But if it wasn’t for that?

Then it defaults to more exposition... More information that could have been relayed to the audience in much more engaging ways.

This could have been, rather than a messy and kinda redundant two part episode with occasional brilliance, it could have been trimmed down to a truly brilliant single part. I’m not invested in these new characters. Let me get there or not when I see them in their own show. And if they’re literally just there as homage to the sequel series from the 80′s...then they don’t need this much focus. The actual paladins and their interpersonal dynamics do. Rift creatures do. Lotor’s fate does. Why are we wasting the limited time that remains on this unless it’s a back door pilot? Why should the current series suffer just to promote the next one...? It’s just exhausting and disappointing. By the end I was agreeing with Keith. What are we waiting for...? The continuation of the series we came here for. What kept us waiting was either an advert for the next series or a massive misstep in pacing.

And now, finally back to the real story and after two episodes establishing that Earth is screwed over, Earth can barely contact other parts of itself, Earth is on the brink of collapse, Earth is holding on by a thread... In the first scene we have Earth, somehow, triangulating a jamming signal into the outer edges of the solar system and remaining undetected as they do so...? Even assuming they are “just” sending commands to satellites and installations elsewhere in the solar system, The Galra would detect that command signal. And given how much we’ve had it stated, overstated, hammered home that Earth is in such bad shape...that feels like a real ass pull.

I am being nitpicky, yes, but this is the second time this has happened on such a large and frankly contradictory scale. So I’m calling it out again. First The Paladins are willing to die for each other, or at least be trapped for eternity, then they are barely friends. Then, Earth can barely contact it’s own countries, but sending an undetectable command signal to at least three satellites in the solar system is fine...? Why not just have Voltron get the signal sooner!? Why not have Pidge send a jamming signal...?

And in terms of introductions to the new team? What we got after the drone attack? Perfect. It didn’t need to be an entire episode of establishing them because it isn’t their story. But the Paladins meeting their families? The reconciliation with Iverson? Shiro grieving for Adam. Where was all this before now? Why hasn’t our focus been where it belongs. On the Paladins? Now, I don’t really want to get into the whole debate about unfair representation of LGBT characters. I can see both sides of the argument as being valid. Shiro remains a strong canonically gay character even if the man he once loved is gone. Adam, though dead, is not immune to tragedy just for being gay. What we did see though was a man openly crying for his lost love. There’s plenty to be critical of the series for. But personally, I don’t feel the treatment of Adam and Shiro is “queerbaiting” so much as it is a couple unfairly separated by the horrors of war. A canonically and unambiguously gay couple. That’s representation. Just it may not be precisely what everyone wanted. But don’t let me stop you writing out impassioned critiques, don’t let me stop you airing and venting your grievances. I’m doing that right now, aren’t I? Just please please please don’t send any more hatred at the creators...

Now, this whole section of the Altean enhanced tech...? Why is this being reiterated again? This could stand on it’s own as an introduction to the concept of Earth meets Alien tech. Why are we being shown the same things twice, first in the two parter in depth and again now...? Why do this when there is so much else that needs addressing in ever dwindling episodes...? Though aside from that, Hunk and Keith connecting is great. Hunk finally having a dedicated arc to save his family also great. Hunk being the outsider to the Garrison Trio dynamic and spending time with Keith again? Also great, wonderful even. So where was all this previously...? But even this, even this has to be if not overshadowed then frankly hijacked by the new characters they want to sell to us. It’s getting tiresome. I don’t want Hunk’s moments overshadowed, his spotlight taken... But damn, if he doesn’t still stand proud regardless. This is the Voltron I’ve been missing for most of the season.

I was going to post the image of him crying, but couldn’t do it... So here, Happier Hunk.

Don’t know how I feel about Hover Hand. I get they’re setting it up for the final conflict with Sendak, so that Shiro will be his literal and visual antithesis...but...hover hand looks kinda goofy. And being the counterpoint to your nemesis doesn’t need to be so literal all the time. And again, the new characters forcing their way into the story with a half baked excuse to sell you them. I think from now on I’m just going to comment when Team Replacements don’t force themselves in...Even the fact one of them was Veronica felt a little frustrating, because Lance’s family dynamic with her is overshadowed in my opinion by her being part of the new forced team of replacements. Allura giving up her crystal tiara for Shiro was a nice moment.

Okay, now imagine the whole infiltration section without Team Replacements. Just the Paladins, doing their thing. Let’s assume their resident tech genius has a way to stop the sentry drones sending out distress calls.

What did they contribute other than a few quips? Are we really expected to believe our paladins, the protagonists of the story need these people...? No. It was just written that way to force the new guys in. What we need to wonder is why and the answer is most likely... Back Door Pilot. Over multiple episodes. That undermined the series I was already watching. And finally, despite it being the supposed new canon ship in town, we see our first indication that Lance and Allura might be interested. Or do we? No, we just see Lance checking her out and being teased. Then immediately afterwards we see Pidge implementing Lance style silliness and even a Lance style distraction with her own spin on it. But no, let’s focus on the blushing and the eyeballing. I’m not salty. I’m dead sea levels of salty. But I’ll put that aside for now... And roll my eyes at the Wilhelm scream... Ok, so I was all ready to be excited about the plan, but then the super forced Allurance twin blush happened. Was it...was it really supposed to hit home when there was no build up to it this season...? Or was checking her out through the sniper sights enough to replace any hint of them coming closer or Allura setting aside Lotor...? Sure, she’s bound to do it in time, but all I’d want is something to suggest as much on screen. Just a throw away line or two... Is that so much? Cut a scene or two with the Replacements and give us more Paladins.

As the paladins all fly to their thematically and elementally appropriate battlegrounds, I want to agree with some posts I’ve seen arguing that Pidge doesn’t just look concerned, or in the zone as the other paladins do. For at least one shot she looks sad. Troubled. Maybe I’m reaching. Probably reaching. Almost certainly reaching given the almost immediate Allura calling to Lance moment... The sequence of connecting with the lions though? And Lance protecting Veronica? Pretty much resigned to die before being saved by red...? Yeah, heavy and cool stuff.

But Admiral Asshole somehow getting in touch with Sendak? Betraying the entire planet? No. Just no. She can be a thorn in their side and an antagonist without being so utterly stupid. At this point she’s gone from concerned alternative view but essentially a good person trying to save the planet in her own way, to being pantomime levels of stupid. What a daft choice. What a needless choice. You know what would have worked better...? Sendak baiting the Paladins. It would play into his military genius archetype. He didn’t need intel from Admiral Asshole if the entire purpose of the planet killers was just bait for the paladins... We didn’t need admiral asshole to make a faustian pact with the people responsible for planetary genocide. Some of the choices this season just bewilder me.

Well, at least no combining sequence before the Big Zapper Cannons hit. That’s something. I guess they can occasionally cut unnecessary scenes for time.

The Paladins are asleep and it’s time for the replacement team to take centre stage again. Even with their own repeated launch sequence animation. Guess they can waste time after all. Admiral Asshole...

...yeah. Who would have thought that the mass murdering alien wasn’t to be trusted...? Except anyone written with an ounce of sense. I won’t deny, I completely and utterly lost interest during the Team Replacements moments. If you like them? Great. They were kinda written to be made valid off the back of the existing series so, I guess it worked for some, just not for me. I might even have been more keen on them myself ha they been secondary characters. But this season, they have so far felt like the focus. Yet also, they felt so undeveloped that they were like filler. They took up far too much focus that should have been on the Paladins. The characters I’ve been watching for six previous seasons. The characters I’m invested in. Even the launch of the Atlas - is it supposed to be a reference to The Gotengo in ship mode? - being powered by the Castle Crystal felt like a passing of the torch moment. There’s still a season left guys, can we wait until after this series ends maybe...?

Can we do The Paladins justice in their own series and make them the focus in their own series? Can we do the replacement team justice by making them the focus of their own series...? No? We’re going to try to do both at once and ultimately make both the worse off for it? Great, ok. Seems like a plan... SIGH

Soul-riding the lions? Now that’s a cool extension of the lore. That’s a cool new addition. That’s building more upon and actually watching Voltron again. Have I mentioned that it sometimes feels like I’m not watching Voltron any longer this season? Because, yeah, that. But during the parts where I was watching Voltron, it was great. Shame I couldn’t care more about Admiral Asshole’s sacrifice. They went beyond the pale with her outright betraying Earth. Noble sacrifice for an act of stupidity was just...meh. Didn’t feel like she’d be any additional motivation for the Paladins that earth already was.

But damn does Shiro look good as the captain of a starship. Kudos where it’s due. The artists did a damn good job.

So, the final episodes... Great set up for a final confrontation. Yet within the first half of the first episode. Oh no. Voltron has been pinned. Oh no. The Atlas can’t do stuff. What will we do? Oh gosh I hope the new team of plucky do-gooders can save the day. Whatever would we do without them? I hope we can buy their toys soon. Stop it. Why won’t they just stop it...? Stop making them such a major focus. This isn’t their show...or yeah, maybe it is now. Maybe the Paladins are the side characters now? Sometimes it feels that way. They spent a lot of time out of commission, damaged, pinned or otherwise unable to act except in montages.

“Lance, I’m coming to help!” Yes, because Allura is just there to support and look shyly away from lion glances. Sigh. Can we have Allura who didn’t need to be defined by a love interest back please?

Then again, Shiro had some time to shine which was really appreciated. The Sendak/Shiro fight was...ok? I mean, it had a lot to live up to after the Kuron / Keith fight. And it just fell short in my opinion. And much as Keith saving Shiro is kinda the default... Given how they were building Shiro up to be the anti-Sendak, it felt like the final blow was robbed from Shiro just a little.

Then of course, we get The New Robeast. More powerful than anything they’ve dealt with before and utterly unannounced. Ok. Well at least they didn’t just go to sleep for a bit and let the new guys do everything. But they still found a way to force them in even now. Wouldn’t have shocked me at this point though if the new group had just beaten the robeast. The twin swords are cool, but sadly a Plance moment it wasn’t. Maybe it would have been in old Voltron. Formed by a stronger bond between the two. But not so much now. Just a thing that happens. Like Pidge’s new gun thing. Thing that happens. No build to it really, just happens. No lesson, no moment of clarity, no greater connection, just, happens. How does the Atlas have back up generators that can make it functional when it’s already been established the only thing that can power it is the castle crystal? It was a pretty big plot point. Until it was just forgotten about. The Atlas mech formed by Altean magic was pretty cool. Shiro has a lot of moments with Allura leading to it as well. More than she had with Lance even. I’ll come back to that. Fake out Pala-deaths was cheap. And if they only reason they put the focus on the new guys was for that fake out...? Screw that. What a waste.

Seeing Hunk and Shay reunited was nice but too brief. Nice to be wrong about Krolia, but I’m not expecting she’ll last the next season. Shock factor you see. Watching Earth change and develop in flash forwards and montage now makes me wonder why that couldn’t have happened earlier. And my answer is, probably to sell the new team. And that sucks. I’m not really looking forward to another season of the Paladins taking the back seat. I do kind of expect it though. In fact, I expect it will only get worse.

And of course, now in a mere 13 episodes we have to wrap up Lotor, Haggar, the rift creatures, any and all ships, don’t forget set up the new team, because I think there were a few subtle hints there’s a new team they want us to care about. How about that new team guys? New team! And do all that without it feeling like a giant rushed mess. Heh. Won’t hold my breath.

Overall? Season Seven as others have said for many reasons, is Voltron Legendary Disappointment. Now to be fair, the art, the music, the animation, the voice acting - even given some guff lines, kudos to Josh Keaton for making “Their very home” not sound stupid... All of that was great. All of those staff members involved? A plus, amazing. But the writing...? Oh my good gravy the writing is all over the damn place. Yes, I just write silly fanfics and they’re professionals so what do I know? Their paycheck invalidates my opinion, right? But to be frank some of the mistakes and I do mean mistakes are elementary continuity gaffs. Redundancy. Repetition. Over reliance on exposition. I mean, if this is considered professional then standards have dropped... That’s not to say there weren’t moments of great writing. Moments where it felt like I was actually watching Voltron again rather than an advert for the new guys. But for the most part...? It was odd choice after odd choice. Daft move after daft move. Mess after mess. Forced and contrived plot point after forced and contrived plot point and if I was judging the series solely on the writing... I’d ask why nobody proofread the first draft.

But to literally everyone else involved in the show from the voice actors to the background artists to the intern fetching coffee...? You all did an amazing job with the mess you were given.

The Obligatory Over Long Shipping Bit

It’s not all about the ships, but... To some extent, it kinda is a little. Maybe even a very BIG little... At it’s most basic, a story, any narrative, has three parts.

The Beginning: The Status Quo, the ordinary world.

The Middle: A Challenge To The Status Quo, conflict, introduction of the special world.

The End: A New Status Quo, conflict resolved, special and ordinary world merge or become aligned to create a new standard.

And ships? Well, they’re an aspect of both the conflict in the middle and the New Status Quo at the end. Ships matter. The connection we feel to two or more characters and the connections they gain with each other? They matter. They are the story. So when I bang on about ships beneath, keep that in mind. Keep in mind that watching characters grow and grow closer is an integral part of narrative, romantic, platonic, whatever. Watching dynamics develop and shift between characters matters. That includes ships. And, I’m not calling the show bad because ships. The show itself is flawed, but overall still good. still very good in fact. All I want to do here is share my disappointment and frankly my confusion at the way that all the ships seem to be playing out right now.

But to start... Allurance.

Let me say, emphatically state, that if you enjoy this ship I have no beef with you. I am not against you enjoying it. I am not trying to tell you you’re wrong. If you and I having different opinions on this is enough for you to unfollow me, then fair enough, goodbye and have fun elsewhere, no hard feelings. However, my opinion remains as it has done from the start. Whilst this could have been a solid canonical ship if things had been written differently, as it stands... I can’t support it and feel it’s the worst outcome for these two characters.

Now, I’ve seen the argument that “maybe it all happens off screen” and that I addressed in a post here. The long and the short of it, I want to see characters develop on screen rather than off screen. That is literally what I watch for. The On Screen Developments. Not off screen assumptions. On screen this season, Allura had more bonding moments with Shiro than with her supposed new love interest. Does that make sense to you? Because it doesn’t to me. Then there’s the argument that Lance’s feelings have grown and matured and changed. But honestly, on some level, if Allurance becomes canon, it feels like they haven’t. Let’s go through it on a very basic level.

Allura and Lance meet, he hits on her. - Lance wants to be with her. They work together. He continues to hit on her. - Lance wants to be with her. They keep working together. He hits on her and is jealous and possessive of anyone who even comes near her. - Lance wants to be with her. Lance tones it down a little. Starts to be supportive. You’re the heart of Voltron etc. - Lance wants to be with her. Enter Lotor. Lance remains jealous and possessive, but plays it off to Allura as a joke. “You need a third wheel?” But to everyone else, including the mice, he makes it very very clear this makes him unhappy. - Lance wants to be with her. He makes that speech to the mice about wanting to be a better person, how he’s unworthy etc. etc. etc. - Lance wants to be with her. Allura finds out about this, seems less than pleased. - Lance wants to be with her. Allura breaks up with Lotor after finding out the man who changed her life is a genocidal space vampire. - Lance wants to be with her. Lance does the supportive hug scene. - Lance wants to be with her. Some stuff off screen presumably and Allura is suddenly over it. - Lance wants to be with her. Dual blushing scene, soft gazes lion scene etc. - Lance wants to be with her and suddenly Allura wants the same thing.

Now, to me at least, I never felt like Lance’s feelings for Allura changed. What changed were his tactics in pursuing that desire. The ultimate ulterior motive of wanting to be with her at no point altered. To me, that severely undermines his and Allura’s growth together. It re-frames the supportive friend hug in season six into the only possible on screen moment that she fell for him and to me that makes Allura seem weak willed, flighty and frankly weak as a character to be rushed into needing a new man so soon after Lotor. It makes Allura into the opposite of what she has been all along. It reframes Lance as being a creep who’s not being entirely honest and is just hanging on to get some Altean Action. It’s unwittingly supportive of the concept in toxic masculinity of No Doesn’t Mean No and I think that’s a dangerous message to be sending these days. We should know better. No means No, it does not and should not mean pursue them like an object you want to possess. In reality, that attitude being normalised can lead to obvious and dangerous extremes. In a story, the pursued partner loses their dramatic agency and is reduced to a prize or else wants to be possessed and is thus framed as less capable. I think the idea of Lance and Allura shifting their dynamic to “genuine romance” between seasons and off screen is cheap. Overall, I feel it devalues both of them rather than enriching them as a ship and an end to two character arcs should. Maybe, like resurrecting Shiro / Kuron early being down to executive meddling, the same is true here? Maybe the plan was for Lance to break the mould of the stereotypical nice guy waiting in the wings? Maybe Lotor being bad was also executive meddling? Or maybe that’s just the scapegoat for the roads we missed out on? The potential lost...

Now, the weird thing is, I’ve seen the argument made that you wouldn’t say that about allurance if allura was a guy. Well...yeah I would. Because if nothing changed except Allura’s sex and/or gender but the events were otherwise identical then it would have exactly the same narrative issues. It would still be undermining both character’s growth and arcs. Chasing someone who isn’t interested is still toxic behaviour regardless of who does it to whom. But if you want to assume that I’m just saying this “because Allura’s a woman” then I guess I can’t stop you, but I hope you take my honest statement that it’s not the case as far as I’m concerned. On the other side of this argument of well if x was y you wouldn’t z, well, that’s just you creating and answering a hypothetical question. Let’s say someone shipped, I dunno Keith and Cosmo. And the defence was “well you wouldn’t call it bestiality if cosmo was human.” And yeah, I suppose if something was changed so drastically there wouldn’t be a problem. But Cosmo is a wolf in Canon. And Allura is a woman in Canon. Maybe nobody would be saying Allurance has problematic elements if Allura was male or maybe the would. I feel that I certainly would see the issue regardless. But that argument is purely hypothetical and anyone who makes it has no way of proving it or supporting it.

There is however another issue in Canon that nobody seems willing to address. Alteans live for centuries. Centuries versus decades of lifespan. That kind of relationship will have the functionally immortal one watching the person they love ROT before their eyes. It will have them mourning their true love for CENTURIES or else callously moving on. It will, if they have or adopt kids, leave the functionally immortal one, watching their own descendants die. The functionally immortal partner will see their love reflected in their descendants eyes and faces. Forced to relive their loss generation after generation. I don’t want to contemplate that end for characters I care about. But that’s what would happen between Lance and Allura. I don’t want to think of Allura watching generations of hers and Lance’s kids and great grand kids dying like flies and thinking of her reliving that loss every hundred years or so as their next batch of descendants die in front of her. Maybe you see it as romantic? I see it as horrifying. And if the issue of Human vs. Altean ages is never dealt with on screen, I’ll assume the creators either didn’t think about it or assumed the audience wouldn’t care. Well I’m sorry, but you made characters that we love, they are part of a lore that we paid attention to. We do care and it does matter.

What I will admit is that maybe, just maybe the way I’m interpreting things isn’t what the creators intended. As much as I am a proponent of Death of the Author, I won’t disregard authorial intent. To those of you who don’t know, Death of the Author essentially states that; all media is a collaborative experience between audience and creators. That no one interpretation of a text is more valid than another. That interpretations can shift and change based on the time and context through which the text is viewed. That interpretations the author never intended are valid. Now, a lot of people seem to have this idea that “Death of The Author” means audience interpretation matters more than that of the author and completely overlook the idea of shared meaning and no one true interpretation. I’m coming at this from the point of view not that the audience owns the text but that we all, audience and author, equally share it and it’s infinite valid interpretations.

So that said, the authorial intent may well be that Lance and Allura’s relationship isn’t and was never meant to be a creepy guy being persistent. That it wasn’t meant to suggest that despite being rebuffed, he should carry on chasing. Maybe it wasn’t meant to seem like he was dishonest, swooping in after a break up to pick up the pieces. Maybe we’re supposed to ignore the ulterior motive to get into her pants that never changed from season one episode one? It may well be their intent was to show a relationship developing healthily and organically but they were rushed and it ended up feeling incomplete? But, that less positive interpretation is just not how it comes across to me and many others. Intent or not, we can only interpret what we see. We don’t hate the idea of these two characters being happy, we just feel like the way it’s portrayed so far doesn’t seem strong enough or doesn’t make it explicit enough that there has been sufficient growth and change on screen to really make us buy it. You may disagree. That’s perfectly valid. The authors may disagree. That’s perfectly valid. I disagree with those opinions and that too is perfectly valid. I don’t hate any of you for feeling the way you do or for reading the text the way you do. Everyone interprets media differently. Please do me the same courtesy and don’t hate me for my interpretation. We can both make valid points yet still disagree. There is not one true and absolute interpretation.

I suppose that leads me here. At this point, given the way that almost every ship possible has been hinted, teased, alluded to or given time onscreen... I wouldn’t be shocked if there aren’t any canonical ships by the end. Just hints. Forever hints. Because if nothing else, the Allurance shippers don’t deserve to be baited and switched. Even if I disagree with the way it’s been portrayed, even if I feel it was rushed and needed time on screen to develop, those shippers deserve a decent payoff if the show is going to tease it so damn hard and so damn obviously. The Sheith shippers have had plenty of hints as well. Kallura looks on the cards half the time. Hunay, Hunelle, Hidge/Punk all got hints at the possibility this season. Keith and Acxa, I was thinking they’d pull that as soon as Keith found her in the weblum. Plance, I may or may not have strong feelings about. Who can say?

But given that the series so far has given so many contradictory hints, even assuming the caveat of multiple interpretations, how could anyone be happy by the end? I mean, if Plance happens and I still believe it makes the most sense for Lance and Pidge’s journeys and character arcs... Well what about the Allura / Lance dual blush moment...? The Allurance fans will ask that and rightly so. Why even include that if it isn’t going to go anywhere...? Chekov’s Gun. I can’t even deny myself that if the plan really was for Lance to move on, this would have been the season to explore that to make it feel organic. If Lance ends up moving on in the next season, then that will suddenly feel forced as well. The amount of ship baiting going on is a little frustrating. I can’t see how it could end in a satisfying way for every baited ship. So, maybe they’re just going to have nobody end up with anybody canonically? At this stage, part of me would rather have that than have my OTP confirmed in canon. Because if what has happened so far is anything to go by... I’m just going to be disappointed at it feeling rushed and artificial. Unearned and pulled out of left field at the last second. With all the build up to Allurance, whether I think it hit the mark or not, it feel like it would be cheap and rushed to have him suddenly move on in the next and last season. Plance might end up feeling not organically developed, just, info dumped into existence for time constraints. I’ve been seeing hints between Lance and Pidge since episode one. Waiting for them to change their dynamic for all that time and seeing hint after subtle hint, seeing how perfectly their two stories align. They literally and narratively complete one another. And yet, if it comes down to it that one line or one half baked scene or even one future still image in a montage at the end of the series, is the confirmation of them hooking up...? Then even I won’t feel like my ship was worth coming true in canon. I’d rather have it never come true than have it come true as badly, as forced, as potentially interpreted as toxic, as contrary to the narrative and as ultimately unsatisfying as Allurance seems to be right now. I have no issue with Allurance being the end game. I would just have wanted to see it done justice and right now... It just isn’t. Don’t agree? Ok, well...

Compare and contrast... One person in this series, Allura creates - using Alchemy - a means to be whole again. A weapon capable of overcoming a nemesis in visual dramatic parallel. Having learned Alchemy through tainted means from her Evil Ex, she’s now able to put it to physical tangible use for a new person. Not only that but she sacrifices her crown, her symbol of office, one of her last remnants of her dead home world in order to make that creation whole. She has shown this person nothing but respect and kindness otherwise. Another person she barely interacted with aside from telling him to shut up then in the space of one episode they’re all blushy because reasons.

I’m being a little facetious, but let’s be honest.... What this shows is that Allura literally has a more meaningful and narratively significant set of interactions with SHIRO than she does with Lance this Season. Shiro’s arm represents her turning the bad experience with Lotor to good. Her giving up her symbol of Altean Royalty shows she’s willing to sacrifice anything for him. And through that bond, she grants him the power to turn the Atlas into a giant robot. Where she created the Sincline out of a dishonest partnership, the Altas-Mecha is formed by honest...well, it looks like LOVE to me. Now I’m not saying I ship them. But if you showed me this season out of context with any of the rest of Voltron, I would be shipping Shiro with Allura even though he’s Gay. Because frankly, in the story told on screen this season that actually makes way more sense than shipping her with Lance. Even out of context, even assuming no Lotor, no previous issues, Lance and Allura being hinted just seems...out of nowhere this season.

Maybe I should just wait for the sequel series where everyone ends up with total randoms off screen that nobody is happy with? Maybe the ships that make the most sense and have been hinted at the most will be forgotten or end up with off screen unhappy marriages as some vague and irksome attempt at being “mature”. Yes, I’m still salty about Toph/Sokka as well as Kataang, what of it? Sometimes you just want the characters you have grown to love and adore to have a happy ending together. Is that too much to ask...?

So, season 8 predictions...?

After a heartwarming episode that teases Coranecker, Lotor will finally get his redemption arc. And by arc I mean, episode. There will be an entire episode devoted to info dumping how he wasn’t really a space vampire the whole time and Romelle got the wrong end of the stick. This episode will tease Lotura again as well as hinting at Hungar, Huntor, Hunlia and Huray, the Polyship of Hunk Coran and Shay. Haggar, having now established herself as the dark queen of the Quantum Abyss will send wave after wave of Altean-Robeasts at Voltron, before the series finally ends in, you guessed it, another big battle with another new big robot. There will be a “we won” montage, Sendak will somehow be resurrected or a void creature will emerge from Daibazol to set up the Big Bad for the sequel series. Maybe both. Nobody will end up with anyone and the next series and/or movie will be hinted at. We might end up with a cliffhanger to tease the sequel series. And we’ll all go away a little disappointed and a little happy all at once. Oh and Black Paladin Kaltenecker of course.

Salty semi-joking aside, at this point given how rushed the series has obviously become, I really would not be shocked if Lotor DID get a redemption plot that was dealt with in a single episode. Or a single sentence. Just like the way he was turned into a Genocidal Space Vampire in a single episode, I’m sure they can turn him into the Space Pope in a single episode. Maybe blame it all on a rift creature? Or maybe save that plot thread for the next series, given that in 13 episodes there’s no way they can cover everything they want to AND cover it as well as they want to. Or just never mention them again. It’s not like they were set up to be majorly important or anything.

Also, if the whole of Voltron Legendary Defender is now going to be a backdoor pilot for Voltron The Garrison Guys or whatever, that seems disappointing more than exciting. Voltron Legendary Defender should be it’s own show first and a sequel should organically follow based on success or failure. If there was always a plan to have more seasons as a sequel series then...

USE THOSE EXTRA SEASONS TO GIVE THIS STORY THE ROOM IT NEEDED!!!

Make VLD the best it can be before assuming we need a sequel series at all. We wouldn’t have half the problems we have now of story lines feeling rushed if, get this the story lines had more episodes to not be rushed! We could have had more Past-Paladins. Keith’s backstory could have been explored as a full episode or two not spoon fed to us by time flashbacks. Allurance could feel less forced and artificial. Lotor’s betrayal could have been given more than a single episode info-dump. We could have actually explored Allura’s feelings and hr process of getting over one of the most important relationships in her life turning to shit. Give this story the time and space it needs to breathe and grow. Let THIS story be told in a well paced way rather than being forced to rush to hit the deadlines for the sequel series. If VLD ends up being less well received owing to bad or rushed writing, we may just end up with zero interest in the sequel series anyway. It’s self defeating!

Don’t have entire episodes devoted to characters who show up, info dump and then are mute for the rest of the season. Don’t have entire plot threads be rushed and resolved in time less than they deserve! And if you can’t do that...

THEN TRIM THE FAT!!!

We can probably all point to a bit that felt “rushed” or “forced” or “out of left field” and that all comes down to a single fact. So far, there has been far too much story to tell in far too few episodes. So certain plot threads end up suffering as a result. Not being fully realised. Not being given anything more than flashbacks and montages rather than full episodes examining in greater emotional depth and deeper narrative exploration.

I would rather see a simple story well told than a complex story rushed for time. What we seem to get in seasons 6+ of Voltron are attempts to tell the entire story they wanted but being forced to cut it short for time. Sadly, what would have been better than telling the full story badly would be telling as much of it as you can save well and discarding the rest. Maybe that’s already happened? Wouldn’t shock me.

Lotor deserved better. Allurance if it becomes canon, deserved to have been built upon to make it seem more deserved, less creepy nice guy. Allura deserved to have on screen time to adapt, grieve and move on from Lotor. Matt could have had time to develop his relationship on screen. Plance if it becomes canon deserves time to shine, because for many fans out there if it does becomes canon in season 8 then for them it will seem rushed, sudden, forced. Or worse, Pidge will always seem like Lance’s backup girl... As Said before, even me as a hardcore Plance Shipper feels like it can’t possibly be given the time it deserves to feel earned when we have just one season left to tie it all together.... So again, maybe all they can do at this stage is shrug and only ever give hints as to whom ends up with whom in this massive cast...? And then just spew out the sequel series. Because we gotta sell those new toys.

I cared and invested in the VLD characters. I wanted their story to be their story and not just a vehicle to sell the next series that, to be honest, I’m probably not going to be remotely interested in.

The Salt Floweth To An End

There is SO much potential in VLD that was squandered by things being rushed, compacted, cut and yet also being massively bloated despite this. Then there’s the obvious executive meddling that can’t have helped for a second... It just ends up making everything messy and unfocused. This season was a mess. Entertaining, yes, compelling, yes and damn good overall but with so many moments that just hit shy of the mark the creators obviously were aiming for. Almost all of it down to the writing. Because the animators, musicians, actors and all the other cast and crew did an amazing job. But the writing was...just a totally confused mess.

Overall, it ends up being Great rather than Exceptional which breaks my heart. Because the first 5 seasons? Exceptional. Every aspect. Especially the writing. But from Six onward? Everything seems to just crack and fray around the edges, the polish wears thin and the whole thing feels just slightly less like everyone involved gave 100%. Maybe a solid 90%, and some still went above and beyond... But things, in my opinion, shifted. Sometimes in service of “surprises” and sometimes just because they needed to rush. Whatever the case, it feels like somewhere along the line the writers stopped caring as much. If at all. Will I watch season 8? Sure. But I’ll always know it could have been so much more if they’d been given more time and more room to let the story flourish. At this point I doubt it’s possible given the already obvious lack of focus in the writing, that we’ll see every plot thread tied up to satisfaction. I’m not even going to kid myself that they’ll do it all well because that’s just not going to happen. I’ll be shocked if they manage it at all. Frankly I’ll be shocked if the last season doesn’t focus more on the new team again... I am not looking forward. It feels like a chore now. Will I watch the sequel series if there is one. No. Probably not. I wanted Voltron Legendary Defender to be given all the time it needed to be exceptional. I didn’t want to watch an advert for the next series and the next group of characters and toys. Especially if we’ll just end up seeing them all wasted, rushed and never allowed to live up to their potential as well. I was invested in VLD and it sucks that my investment is used as a marketing ploy for a potential new show before being discarded. Ah well. There’s always fanfics I guess... Though even that tastes a little bitter now... Like I'm just another part of the Voltron Hype Machine and not even getting paid to do it... Sucks and it taints what I plan to do and what I already have done... I do want to continue supporting the show and the ship I love along with all the fans out there in The Garden, but right now... I’m left feeling so conflicted. In two minds about how much I enjoy this show and yet despite that, how often and how glaring some of the errors, missteps and plain crazy choices they seem to be making along the way... It’s hard to feel 100% positive, but I did make this post and I stand by it. If the Voltron writers won’t give us the reality that makes the most sense? We make it ourselves. I did make these three posts and I stand by all of them as well. Even now as it seems like the writer’s minds are falling apart like chunks of wet cake, I still maintain that Plance makes the most sense in the story for those two characters I loved. Will it still make sense at the end of the series? Honestly, yeah. I’m sure it will still make more sense than whatever the writers eventually decide to churn out. Here’s hoping Season 8 is...something...

#vld season 7 #voltron spoilers #voltron season seven #voltron season 7 spoilers #spoilers #salt #bear writes a dissertation on a cartoon #voltron legendary disappointment

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sugrmottas · 6 years

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(this genuinely isn't judgey fodpsapid) but quinn, puck and santana having rachel's ambition is...a lot.

i mean, it is.

it also isn’t.

like, rachel definitely outpaces all of them, don’t get me wrong – rachel has lived her life being told she is going to be successful, and i think that changes things. quinn grew up believing she was doomed to live the life of her mother, puck grew up being told he was just like his father (which is mostly fan-canon but i feel like there’s enough Illusions in actual canon to back it up) and santana grows up in what qualifies for the Hood (adjacent) in lima, ohio – but like, rachel grew up with dads who worship her. who tell her she is going to be amazing because she has to be. her peers always say cruel things, but rachel trusts her fathers so much more than she does her peers, so girl grows up knowing she will be successful, if she works for it.

but then there’s puck, too. puck who is a young jewish kid in what is predominately a protestant state (on that line: i know quinn’s evangelical but what is mercedes actually? where we given anything more than just plain christian? also sam? why did glee never expand on anything??? ugh) so already feels like a fish out of water – but he (canonically, at least) only has two peers his age who share the same faith. jacob ben israel, who is disgusting, even from a young age (is it canon that puck’s always bullied him?) and rachel, who i truly do believe he grew up knowing, even if i don’t think they were the best friends fanon likes to paint them as. he grows up in a heavily jewish household but in a community that does not share his faith, or even respect it, and that’s hard. add to it a burning desire to not become his father (i’m not sure if it’s actually canon that his mother told him he was just like his father, but it’s a headcanon i hold very close to my heart) and a mother working her ass off to provide for him and his sister, and kid is fucking angry.

so puck has anger issues, which i feel is mostly backed up in canon anyway – which is his passion. his ambition blooms from this – a burning desire to prove everyone wrong, the need to get the fuck out of lima. i do think finn and puck have a very deep friendship, but it’s one that adds to both of their insecurities. finn is the Golden Boy, he is (seen as) kind and talented. puck is the Bad Boy, he is charming and capable. they spend their lives being compared and i think puck is mostly reserved to coming second (hence his anger at finn going off-book and joining glee) but he also maintains that he Wants to beat finn, wants to be the best. puck has selfish ambition (but really, what ambition isn’t at least a little selfish?), but he has so much of it.

remember his first Real line? i’m not like everyone else in this cow town, i got star potential. kid makes it very clear he’s getting the fuck out of lima, no matter what his peers think. i do hate how glee handled him in s4 (he got out of lima sure, but he didn’t do anything, which i feel was such a disservice to him – he struggled with school because he isn’t a learner, but he’s always been a doer, let’s not forget the kid had an actual business at 16) but i hate what they did with most characters in s4, so i tend to ignore it for everyone bar the newbies and finn. the unravelling of klaine was interesting too, if only because we saw how co-dependent they actually were. otherwise fuck s4. (santana and rachel both had Moments, now that i think about it.)

anyway, like – of the four, i think puck has the least ambition. i also think he has a lot more purpose than say, santana, so his ambition is a lot more Realised.

and then there’s santana, who i think has the clearest ambition in the show, even if it’s constantly overshadowed by rachel’s. i believe santana’s family is religious (her abuela definitely is but we don’t know too much about her parents actual lives despite actually meeting her mother, it’s of my personal belief they are religious but non-practising) but santana fails to perceive any proper value to religion.

(this is going somewhere, i swear.)

santana also doesn’t have a Great Big Dream, she eventually settles on wanting to be famous but that feels so much like a cop-out that i fail to see any value to it. she doesn’t particularly live for cheerleading or glee club either.

what i’m getting at here is that if santana has ambition (she does, i’ll get to it) she doesn’t have purpose to go with it. and ambition without purpose can be fucking dangerous and santana is such a good example of that.

onto her ambition: i do think it’s pretty clearly shown within the show, even from the beginning of her character, as underdeveloped as she was. of the three cheerleaders, she’s the one who wholeheartedly throws herself into sabotaging the glee club – we don’t see too much of her in the first half of s1, but i believe she was working away at some of the weaker characters (read: artie, because santana lopez genuinely does read super prejudiced, but i’m probably still salty about her biphobia) until the back half came along and girl turned it up, went after finn hudson and took his virginity (i have so many feelings about finntana, mostly in a platonic sense but there was a glee meta years ago on them sleeping together that still sticks with me) and took so much pleasure in quinn fabray losing her status (quinn and santana read weirdly similar to finn and puck, but i don’t think their friendship is anywhere near as deep so they have less reason to empathise with each other) and girl was fucking messy.

it was great. i lived for it.

then s2 happened and we met santana lopez, properly – the girl from the hood (adjacent) who was so angry and so scared and wanted so much. and the season was full of ambition from her, even if stupid little ways – wanting to win the duet competition and knowing her and mercedes would be the match-up, knowing she wants to keep sleeping with brittany so tricking her into thinking it’s not cheating (we can talk about who was the real bad guy of the two of them for that for days but the correct answer is both, because brittany pierce is not as dumb as she seems but santana lopez still had full intent to make b cheat on artie), rejoining the cheerios at the first opportunity because she wants to win, no matter the consequences (i’m not sure how i feel about the three of them ditching the competition because it’s just a weird situation but this isn’t a finn hudson meta). and she cares about glee club a lot, of course, for a lot of reasons, but you cannot tell me she’s so upset about finn and rachel losing them the competition solely because… what? they ruined it for the club? no, they lost it for her. fuck them for that.

s3 is really the season i point to to prove the girl lacks purpose, so we’ll skip over that to s4 – santana is on her own, for the first time. she’s on a scholarship to a big school relatively far from home and she doesn’t handle it well, of course. gets super untethered. and then visits home and remembers Santana Lopez, The Star. so she goes to new york and still lacks purpose, sure, but she has a stage. she just has to figure out what part she’s playing.

and this is where the danger comes in, because santana sees her friends succeeding – rachel mostly, but kurt too – and gets restless. does stupid shit like her yeast-i-stat commercial. but most importantly, decides her life’s mission is playing fanny brice. which isn’t stupid on its own, but like, for someone who cares so much about her friends it reads so strange that she would actively go after something that clearly matters so much to what we pretty much assume is her best friend. the deterioration of rachel and santana’s friendship was written awfully so i won’t go into it, but like. god. someone give this girl a purpose so she has something worthwhile to invest herself in and stops sabotaging all her relationships.

so santana has bucketloads of ambition (i’d rank her third of the four) but she has nowhere to put it and it fucks her over every single time.

and then quinn. oh, quinn. ohhhhhhhh quinn.

quinn has so much fucking ambition – she has a life planner from age six. she details every moment of middle school, every moment of high school, every moment of college, every moment of life. she’s going to go to an ivy league college (she thinks she’d like brown, her dad went there, but yale sounds nice and freeing) and she’s going to study law and she’s going to become a family lawyer. she’s going to help kids get away from abusive parents and she’s going to make sure everyone she comes into contact with is safe and happy.

on the flipside, lucy quinn fabray is already resigned to living her mother’s life. doing a short course in real estate and then becoming a realtor. she’ll marry a nice boy, maybe finn hudson, and they’ll buy a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 children and a dog.

quinn fabray’s ambition is fucking tragic, because it was killed before even getting the chance to thrive – and it’s still there, of course. in some ways. when she tells finn she’s pregnant, she says i really thought i had a shot at getting out of here. when she’s wondering whether to give up drizzle or not, she knows she shouldn’t – her religion doesn’t look on the act kindly and i’ll never forgive glee for overlooking quinn’s faith post-s1 – but it would allow her to move on with her life.

quinn fabray is tragic, because she loses her future-husband to rachel berry, who has all of her ambition and none of her fear (or all of it, but quinn doesn’t get to see that, nobody gets to see that). she loses her husband to everything quinn wanted to be, and it’s awful.

s2 sees quinn not gaining her ambition back, as she hoped. or maybe as i hoped. s2 sees quinn getting back with finn. s2 sees quinn telling rachel that she’s wasting her time with lima because she’s going to be successful and they aren’t (or rather, quinn isn’t).

but it comes back, eventually.

i don’t know when. s3 fucked quinn over so bad. but it comes back.

and she writes so many fucking essays about her emotionally neglectful father and her child who she loves so fucking much but had to give up and her friends, her glee club, who helped her through fucking everything.

it comes back.

quinn gets accepted into yale.

rachel and kurt are (eventually) accepted into a prestigious performing arts school, which is perfect for them, but let me reiterate – quinn (and mike actualy) gains admission into one of the most prestigious schools in america.

quinn fabray is going to be fucking amazing, and she knows it – she’s going to live her own life, the one her mom wanted to life, but was always too scared to pursue. quinn knows how short life is, she also know she can’t let anyone drag her down – quinn is going to motherfucking yale and she is going to be fucking wonderful.

there’s a quote i’ve always used for quinn – i can’t abandon the girl i used to be, so i carry her. and quinn carries lucy with her every single fucking day – and lucy gets to see her ambition realised, gets to see herself succeed and become everything she dreamed of.

and it’s amazing.

so maybe nobody has rachel’s ambition, not really. but a lot of glee club have their own wild ambitions (mike, mercedes and tina all come to mind).

but i do genuinely think puck, santana and quinn all come very close to the standard rachel set, in such different ways.

and i think that’s wonderful.

#Anonymous #asks #i just have a lot of Feelings about these three okay they're my favorites #that's a lie it's sam but all top 5 #i'm just gonna become a glee meta blog lmfao let's go

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solacekames · 6 years

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This account sounds very credible to me. A few observations:

This guy hasn’t atoned for his actions, and probably never will due to his privilege as a white guy to just fade away from activism, but he’s at least acknowledged his lack of morality with some degree of honesty.

Once you leave a far right organization, your greatest danger is not leftists or antifa, who don’t care about you anymore, it’s your own ex-buddies coming to stab you. That’s why he’s kept the dirt on them, obviously. Smart move.

A lot of alt righters in the comments are claiming this is fake because he calls their movement “white supremacy,” which is a term they dislike because it makes them seem older, like Boomers instead of the millenials and Gen Z that they are. But "white supremacy” is still the mainstream word for it, and once people leave their cults and abandon the jargon, they’re going to start using the mainstream words again.

Here it is. Warning for misogyny, racism, anti-semitism, suicide and general Nazism.

So I actually intended to post this to a confession sub, but it seems it automatically triggers the spam filters. I typed up my full "story" here. As far as proof goes, I don't really have much to offer as I've burned most of my materials, but I do have this video from the night before the rally that might help set the stage of what I was involved in.

https://streamable.com/3lrrw

So this is so something I've had mulling in my head for some time now and I just really wanted to get my thoughts out there. I feel like it would be healthier. Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I am a former white supremacist who helped organize the Charlotessville rally. My actions have destroyed the lives of countless people and lead to the death of a young woman.

I suppose I should start from the beginning so there is a little better context about my involvement. My beginnings as a white supremacist began a few years back when I first stumbled upon a podcast called “The Daily Shoah”. For those who don't know, this is probobly the largest alt-right podcast out there, run by Mike Penovich and Jesse Dunstan (better known as Mike Enoch and Seventh Son) of “therightstuff.biz”. At first, I didn't even take what was being said to heart. It was mostly just dark entertainment, but after having their words filling my ears for hours at a time every week, I began to actually take what they were saying to heart. I think when a lot of people imagine what turns people into white supremacist, they think of a middle aged bike gang member bruning crosses, but I was just a young college student who thought the N word was funny. It took a few weeks, but I soon internalized their arguments. The problem with having multiple podcasts drowning out the outside world is essentially you get hours and hours of pure confirmation bias filling your head with nobody to talk about these things with. Knowing your life would be over if you discussed these things with your real friends and families, you quickly just st art ignoring them in favor of other white supremacists. Most of the other people who I began consorting with were not at all the sterotype I mentioned before. Like me, they were mostly just well spoken young guys looking for others to talk about these things with. Of course “these things” were ethno-nationalism, gas chambers, and holocaust memes.

At the time, the alt-right was not really known to anyone, and their antics mostly just stayed to trolling the comment sections of National Review. I quickly gained a foothold in that community. About a year in or so, they began what they would call “Standard Pool Parties” and I became an organizer for my area. My group of fellow white supremacists grew and my sphere of outsider friends shrank. We had begun to look like a real community.

Around the end of 2016, the even that really sprung our clique into the mainstream occurred, and I was in attendance. This was the “NPI” conference in DC run by Richard Spencer, and we were celebrating the recent election (short note: I don't want to bring politics into this if possible, its just important for the context here). Multiple news outlets were in attendance filming, and near the time Richard was set to give his speech, the liquor was flowing and the attitude was festive. Before the speech, Mike Enoch got up in front of the crowed and began leading chants of various kinds, the kind of chants that would get a 1940s German soldier giddy. By the time Richard gave his “Hail Trump and Hail Victory” line, the crowd didn't stand a chance. They were all too ready to throw up Nazi salutes, and the cameras were all too happy to capture them.

A short aside on Richard: I had worked with him a few times and only one word can begin to describe him: sociopath. He seemed to take joy in leading around particularly young men and building up his little cabal. He would say anything for a camera to be shoved in his face and used his status among of the alt right to sleep with the few women it had. He never showed any remorse for the kids that would be doxxed and become unemployable, in fact he encouraged it on multiple occasions. I was one of those people who he encouraged to self-doxx, and I myself help multiple kids ruin their lives. More on that later.

So now I can start telling the story of Charlotessville. A few months before the “Unite the Right” rally most of you know about, there was a more private rally held at Charlotessville. This event was organized by a particularly vile individual who goes by “Eli Mosley”, someone who would brag about killing children in the military among many of disgraceful actions. Those aren't the worse of his sins, but out of respect for his largest victim I'll leave that out. Of course, this is someone I looked up to. This particular Charlotessville event was relatively uneventful, which is why you never heard about it. However, these was a particular Daily Caller journalist in the audience named “Jason Kessler”, a Charlotessville native. In the weeks following the event, he announced he was going to lead a larger event, and event that would be known as “Unite the Right”. He did this unilaterally, and in fact Eli himself detested the fact that this event was going to happen at all, but it proceeded. I was one of those excited to put this rally on, and as such took up an organizing role.

It was the months leading up to the event that multiple red flags began to go off. The number one issue that was likely responsible for the death of Heather Heyer was the approach to security. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was looking forward to a fight with antifa and would use any and all justifications for the use of weapons and armor at the event. The police had promised us proper protections, but the head of security (who went by “Ajax”) insisted we build our own shield wall. It was my bright idea to literally use a Roman Phylanx formation to surround the event, like the Larpers we were. This is where a lot of disagreement amoung different cliques and organizations came about. There were three main groups in attendance: American Vanguard, Identity Evropa, and Traditionalist Workers Party. I won't say who I was affiliated with.

American Vanguard was preparing for war. They wanted to burn a large jewish ephagy, as well as a pride flag. They also were planning fights and battle stratageys on their own before the event. James Fields was with American Vanguard the entire event, but they deny that he was a member. They were the ones responsible for the “Blood and Soil” chants most of you had heard. Here is a picture of them before the rally

https://i.imgur.com/77VHOOe.png

Identity Evropa could be said to be the more moderate of the bunch. In fact, before the event, Nathan Damigo (their leader) had told individual members NOT to bring any shields, helmets, or weapons. He was promptly called a cuck and eventually undid the descision. Traditionalist Workers party could be said to worst of the bunch, because they were the ones that invited the “National Socialist Movement”, a group of straight up skinheads. Before, the event was only going to be 500 or so. With NSM invited, it swelled to well over a thousand.

With all of these problems evident, we continued with the event. By this time, I had a fairly large personal circle of associates who I had went with. The torchlight march is where things went bad. There was one guy who had caused trouble at previous events who made the decision to jump at protesters and start a fight. The following day, he did the same thing, and was likely responsible for the event being shut down. I don't know if I need to spend more time recounting the events that occurred, before you all know the rest. A riot ensued, and a young girl died. I watched her pictures played on the news as she was declared dead, and you know what? I felt no remorse. Nobody did. The “higher ups” as they were called, basically sent out a memo saying she was a “dumb cunt who got what she deserved”.

Why did this feel normal for me? Well it all comes back to how I came to become a white supremacist. By the time this event occurred, I associated with essentially nobody outside the alt right. When this woman died, we all just saw it as a “aww shucks” moment. In fact, Richard created a press conference where he tried to put together as much evidence as he could to show it was in self defense.

So why did I leave? In fact, it had little to do with Heather Heyer, but rather what I realized I had begun to do. The kind of encapsulation I had woven myself and others into was destroying out lives and we didn't even know it. I brought at least 7 people along with me whom I had personal gotten into radicalism. Kids as young as 17. We saw no problem with showing their faces out in the open because we assured ourselves that the alt-right was “going big”. I told these kids that Charlotessville would make history, and if their picture was taken and they were made unemployable, they could just be taken care of and before alt-right figures.

Thats what my best friend thought before his picture was taken, and he committed suicide a month later. He didn't want to go. I told him he would regret that decision for the rest of his life. Well his life didn't last long enough to regret it, so I was right.

This is the most dangerous thing about what radicalization does to people. In reality, the alt-right has had little effect, but it has encouraged countless people to essentially fall down a slipperly slope without even knowing they are doing it. Take the case of a young man named Nick Fuentes, a kid I had associated with in my time. He had a lot going for him. He was a 18 year old polysci student at Boston College. He had his own show on a burgeoning broadcast network. He was smart. He was going places. So what did our cabal do? We dragged him down to our level. He was mostly just a pro-trump talking head, but he was caught saying “Jews make my life worst” on camera. This is where most people would shut up, apologize, and rebuild. Well me, and many others, pressured him to double down, and double down he did. He became a prominent anti-semetic twitter personality, to the point where he was kicked out of his school and now lives alone in his mom's house. And like so many others who fall into radicalization, his small group of fans prop him up and assure him he has greatness ahead of him. At 19 years old, his entire life is over and he doesn't even realize it.

As for me, I know its sounds strange that I didn't say very much about my actual white supremacist beliefs. Oddly enough, after my best friend killed himself, I myself feel into depression. After some time, I managed to get back on my feet and start getting back to work on my actual life and school. As I started back toward bettering my life, my old beliefs just sort of feel away, as if I never had them. I cut all contact with the alt-right, and now it feels as if they didn't exist. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not only responsible for the death of Heather Heyer, but my best friend, as well as my previous friends who find their lives in shambled

I confess because every day I feel like I'm living a lie trying to build a life for myself. I'm sure one day, when I have a career, the truth will come out and I'll have to answer for it. Until then, I hope I can be a warning sign for others who might fall into the trap I did, alt-right or not. Its not worth it.

Proof: As far as proof, I've gotten rid of most everything that would remind my of my past life, but I do have this video from the night before Charlotessville that I doubt you're going to find anywhere else.

EDIT: At someone else's suggestion I've copied the story into the text field.

#richard spencer #eli mosley #alt right #identity evropa #antifa #charlottesville

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violetsystems · 3 years

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#personal

I had an epiphany last week during the break from writing. Having a space where you can go to where people understand you is paramount in life. Not many people have the luxury of being understood without question. Some people have it harder than others in mainstream society. There are complex reasons for this. But most of my young adulthood was spent finding spaces out on the fringe that just didn't waste time caring about any of it. Nobody likes people telling them what to do or what to be. It's such a simple feeling to fathom. I live in a country where freedom is supposed to be our secret sauce. Where everyone could be free if we just left it at that. And yet we're too busy arguing our little lines in the sand. Some people have more of it. Some people cross the line with it. And some of us are left creating some sort of metaphysical bulwark to seal up the gaps where other people sink into our own rights to be. I'm a bit of a scientist when it comes to the socials I'm adrift in. So I believe in quantitative results. I always think the problem is me. And this Is why as a writer I internalize so much. I am literally thinking aloud about how to socially engineer a situation to be less encroaching. I ask myself from the beginning of when I wake up where the points of failure might lie. If writing on the internet really were the cause of everything then I'd follow my mom's advice she gave me in college. I used to dress weird according to some people. I challenged the social norms because this is what I liked to do particularly with punk fashion at the time. Some jocks at the college called me any number of slurs. She told me simply to face it or change. No matter how rude people were. I dressed that way for some time. And went on to be known for many things that eventually went nowhere. But the knowledge never left me. There are some things worth fighting for and others a Sisyphean task. Last week I stopped going out somewhat altogether. I ordered groceries for the week. I made coffee and cooked chicken in my sunny kitchen. I cleaned dead mice with severed heads off the property before the sun rose and woke my neighbors. I paid my rent electronically for the first time from my bank and not my credit union. Serves them right for that James Webb shit. I focused on the things I couldn't escape. The times I left were to fly a drone out in the park for free with the newly licensed flight license I acquired through the Boy Scouts of America. I finally spoke with my neighbors across the way after intervening as a Good Samaritan in the laundry room we all share. That earned me two donuts and a long John. It also feels the politeness has lowered the defcon ratio of mistrust that exists on my porch. That shadow is more cast by what people expect out of this city. To trust no one. To think everyone is spying on them. To worry about what people say behind your back. That world exists out there every time I step off the property. It's a culture I do not welcome on my doorstep. I live in what they call a sanctuary city that nobody will talk about for fear of going on record. The silence is meant to protect but mostly a large defense that keeps people from healing and growing. And yet another year here locked in my little hut by the train seems different. What could have changed?

I'm not a mind reader. I'm not psychic although my mom's Croatian gypsy and Bohemian German roots claimed they saw the future. Nature is overlaid onto of us at all times just like the internet. The mysteries and the wonders are happening right in front of us as we fixate on a microscopic display. Most people live an encapsulated life in a walled garden of their own data. They're afraid of freedom and so they sacrifice it for a jailed security. I somehow end up the same. Trapped here in some weird prism of questions nobody really wants to ask. They tell you that's the first thing that bothers people. When people ask too many questions? What are we doing here? Are we alone in the universe? Where is this thing we have headed? Will I see you again on Tuesday? Do you remember Kid Entropy? I remember the reverse entropy of working out every day and not looking like I did when I was younger. Just sore. All over my body. The Body by Jake sore and not the I fear I'm dying of Covid sore. Not even the wake up on Monday and have to face your fuckhead boss kind of sore. I remember having a job once. Or at least being on someone's payroll because music wasn't good enough of a career to justify your existence. It still isn't. I make more money mining ethereum than I did on band camp sales. And even then it's not that much. Why are all the people I help shoot videos getting featured on bandcamp daily while I'm invisible to everyone and everything. Maybe it is best to not focus on what isn't being said. Everything is a double edged sword of Damocles in this era. You get what you wish for. Or do you? Nobody but you will ever know. And that's a level of confidence that goes deep into the void if you follow it. Nobody out there is sure of anything. They ask for reassurance. Sometimes they don't ask. They want to control your stage time on this episode of real life. And I live on a backlot where anything is possible. Anything except having a real job and being seen as important. I was never as important as I was when I started writing here. And that's not very important really except to a few dear friends. I always say stick to what's worth it and then stick to what's working. I just said that now. But anything worth it is worth fighting like hell for. And it's pretty clear to see what is working and what isn't. I have a space where I live alone and wonder aimlessly. I try to figure out what I should be doing to be relevant. And then I realize there is a lot I already do. So much so I've done or did that nobody can forget. I've been cancelled without even a word or a poor deed to speak of. Nothing to be remembered and nothing to be gained. Is this why they are so worried about cancel culture? I existed this far in life by sticking to my morals and ethics. Nobody really has ever asked what they are. People want the abridged version. They want to know what God you worship or what your favorite sports team is. They don't want the heavy lifting of understanding what singular identity you represent. They don't want the burden of caring. They're too busy caring about themselves. When you do care nowadays it shows in ways that seem arcane and wizardly. I'm not a mind reader at all. I am considerate enough to go above and beyond your expectations. That is if you are worth it.

Some shit out there is just not worth it. Not worth explaining. Not worth thinking about. Not worth fighting to be heard amongst people who can't even remember your name. Fake names included. There's people out there who still remember every bit of the last twenty to thirty years of my existence. I wish they'd understand why it doesn't mean anything. And yet I'm still alive. I still look out for people. I didn't ask for a medal or a star on a walk of fame. I'm still that guy you try to copy but can never get the swagger right. I still foster the culture even if I felt abandoned by it all. I still think it's worth it to be the impossible version of me. A kind, stern figure that moves deliberately like a shadowy colossus as not to hurt the blades of grass flowing underneath my feet. I walk off my steps onto the concrete and it's a million human eyes perched like grasshoppers. I could endure that for anyone but around here it's more trouble than it's worth. I've been walled off behind an understanding. One that has no guarantees and no goal posts other than how I hold it down. How things can be so fucked up out there but always so safe with me. I wonder sometimes. Why people don't strive to be more like me instead of chasing after some stupid shit. Like everyone writes on the internet that people like me should be more like me. And yet people like me are horribly forgotten. After all this time, it's better off that way. But what kind of a mind fuck would it be to explain that to people. I stopped explaining. I stopped going out and dealing with the constant silent prodding. I resisted by mothballing my entire life and hiding. I wanted people to seek it out. The horrible and bitter truth. Whatever my history is. Because I'm not like anybody after all of this. I'm in a place where I can truly say you deal with me and me alone. If I write about it, you can read it for your own very eyes. I've cultivated that for years. Sometimes it's been used against me. Sometimes it's my own fault for not realizing things sooner. But nobody can grow when they're constantly being uprooted by hazing, gaslighting, intimidation and pack tactics. That's not provoking culture. This isn’t the army. That's being an asshole. If anything delicate plans need deliberate decisions and timing. And we live in an era where everyone thinks they can brute force, glitch or subvert their way to the top in a two week news cycle. I've been casted to the side more times than I can count. And I get back up and reinvent myself. These days I'm through being tested by people who can’t be bothered to look themselves in the mirror. And I'm through watching other good people have their time wasted by useless roasting and disingenuous provocation. If anyone has learned anything about me is that they've tried it all. And it all just sits there on the wall. Other people's failures of vision of what I could excel at. All the failed pranks and dumb attempts at guerrilla warfare. They couldn't see a world where we win by our own standards. Maybe if they rolled the old gypsy bones a couple more times, you'd be able to predict my outcome. I've rolled them for you. Bohemian rhapsody all day. You can unlock the layman's interpretation on Tumblr+. Everything else you should have figured out already. The people I really care about already have. <3 Tim

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brianruhe · 4 years

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Testimonials

apollonian Jan. 9, 2020Don’t under-estimate Brian–he’s extremely clever. And Brian is actually a brilliant historian, understands Western Christian culture and philosophy, only coming at it all from his amazing Buddhist point of view–which absolutely throws those dumb kikes who hardly know what to say, think about it all. Most and best of all, Brian values and respects the Christian TRUTH ideal (= Christ, Gosp. JOHN 14:6)–see above notes by me. Only criticism I’d have of Buddhism is its too easy endorsement of non-existent “free” will which couldn’t exist in an objective, hence determined reality, which objectivity is agreed for both Christianity and Buddhism.Poet Samuel • Jan. 7, 2020What I notice about Brian’s work – He will inquire and investigate everything for himself in pursuit of his own personal / empirical insights and conclusions. And he will happily weather everyone’s judgement and scolding for doing so – Left, right, up, down, nobody can stop or correct a born truth-seeker from annoyingly examining every stone (lol). Keep on waltzing through the tidal waves of scorn and judgement from all alliances, Brian. Truth is king.

The Brian Ruhe Show Poet Samuel • You nailed my view, Poet Samuel! Thank you dearly. My Dresden survivor advisor describes me as a true intellectual. I just want to know the truth!

The Outsider

My Friend Brian Ruhe by American Buddhist monk, Venerable Paññobhāsa Mahathera Posted: 16 Oct 2019 01:17 PM PDTThe purest idealism is unconsciously equivalent to the deepest knowledge. —Adolf HitlerIt is better to make a mistake than to do nothing. —Adolf Hitler My Friend Brian RuhePosted: 16 Oct 2019 01:17 PM PDT No doubt some of you have noticed that I’ve begun doing weekly Skype interviews with the notorious Brian Ruhe, the “Nazi Buddhist,” president of the Thule Society (an organization that endorses the worship of a deified Adolf Hitler), and lord and master of the Brian Ruhe show, recently censored and banned from YouTube but still available on Bitchute. In fact some of you have started reading this blog because of seeing me on Brian’s show—after all, Herr Ruhe evidently has a larger following than I do, though that’s not saying very much. So I suppose I should explain why I am associating with such a notorious fellow, what I have learned from this association, and why I now consider him to be my friend. Our first contact was back in 2011 or 12, and was brief and uneventful. I think in those days neither of us was fully red-pilled, so to speak, and we were more or less “normie” western Buddhists, though still rather unorthodox and weird by mainstream standards. Anyway, upon returning to the USA after many years in Asia I sent out emails to many of the teachers and Dhamma organizations in the general area (mainly the state of Washington and southern British Columbia in Canada), and in those days Brian Ruhe was a reputable, more or less mainstream Dhamma teacher. Anyway, after offering my services to any Dhamma society that was interested, Herr Ruhe wrote back saying that he was pretty much a subsistence Dhamma instructor and lacked the resources to support outside teachers, and that was that. Several years later, after both of us had been “radicalized” by the Information Age and the Internet, a supporter of both of us suggested to Herr Ruhe that he should interview me for his show (the Brian Ruhe show, then still on YouTube), and so he contacted me. Not only did he ask me to be on his show but he further asked me to be the spiritual director of the Thule Society, which latter honor I declined for reasons laid out in a previous post. But we did the show, and it went rather well, and so we have continued with it. No doubt there are some people out there who think that a Buddhist monk associating with a devout Nazi—or National Socialist, as Herr Ruhe prefers to call himself—is somehow necessarily inherently wrong and reprehensible. On the contrary, I don’t think so at all. Some of Brian’s views are very different from mine, with regard to politics, the heroism of Adolf Hitler, the origin, ancient history, and current state of the human race, and also with regard to Theravada Buddhism—though ironically he is more of a scriptural fundamentalist than I am, at least with regard to cosmology and his belief in the texts’ authenticity and authority in general. So although I know the texts rather better than he does, I am also more skeptical, while Brian, bless his heart, is endowed with more of the Will to Believe. (In other words, going with the terms of Buddhist philosophy, he is more faith-oriented and I am more reason-oriented.) Regarding politics, I am not a Nazi or a fascist by any sane, non-hysterical reckoning. I see myself as more or less of a classical liberal, and consider the libertarian system set up by the founding fathers of the USA to be about the best so far devised and put to the test. The farthest I would concede to the fascists would be to say that, at this stage in the game, if I were required to choose between Marxism/socialism and some form of not-particularly-violent fascism, I’d almost certainly go with the fascists. Socialism sucks, and Marxism is historically, objectively worse than Nazism or small-f fascism in general, going with such objective criteria as numbers of corpses generated by each system. So, although I’ve been called a Nazi sympathizer, my Nazi sympathies are very limited and conditional. I do have sympathy for Brian Ruhe though, mainly because he’s a nice guy, and a sincere one. For that matter I am willing to hold a discussion in good faith with anyone capable of a sincere and more or less courteous exchange of views. Hell, I’m even willing to have a discussion or reasoned debate with a neo-Marxist, though most of them seem too hysterical or ignorant to discuss their views rationally, especially if there is feedback from someone who disagrees with them. (Objective rationality is, after all, a tool of white patriarchal oppression.) I have been hoping to have a discussion with some advocate of politically correct Social Justice on this blog, but again, most of them are adverse to having their views challenged. But I am willing, just as Herr Ruhe also is willing. So, a primary reason why I do weekly Skype sessions with Brian is that he is willing to converse and exchange views in good faith, even though we don’t agree on all points. We’re not overly concerned with changing each other’s views, either. And I must say that the conversations can be interesting, for us at least. Also of course the videos have increased the readership of this blog. I mentioned that Brian is more orthodox than I am in his Buddhism, at least sometimes. He’s literally a devout Buddhist Nazi, or rather a devout Buddhist National Socialist—“Nazi” was originally a derogatory slur, and Herr Ruhe tends to avoid the term. (I persist in using the term “Nazi” simply because it’s shorter and easier, and National Socialists ought to be tough enough to hear words they don’t like very much. Besides, it’s used so much that it’s hardly any more of a slur than “National Socialist.” It’s sort of like the term “Pagan,” which also began as a slur but was later reclaimed, and even accepted with pride by faithful Pagans.) Anyway, with regard to Brian’s devout Buddhism, it is interesting that he was actually ordained as a Theravada Buddhist monk for several months back in the 90’s, in Thailand, I’m pretty sure. Later he was a more or less mainstream teacher of Buddhism and meditation in the general area of Vancouver BC, until he was red-pilled and then ostracized by intolerant or fearful leftists. So Brian is a Buddhist first and a Nazi second. He takes Buddhist ethics very seriously, including the stuff about compassion and nonviolence. He understands Dhamma better than do most western Buddhists, and probably practices it better as well. Some people might assume, and reasonably too, that a Nazi would necessarily endorse militarism and even genocide. Nope! Brian simply denies all of it. Not only does he not endorse genocide, he firmly disbelieves the very idea that Hitler’s Nazis favored or perpetrated it; all that stuff is just propagandist lies promulgated to vilify the Führer. The Nazis were the good guys, even by Buddhist standards, according to him—there was no genocide of “subhuman” races, and Hitler was a peace-loving man, an inspired visionary who preferred designing buildings to bombing them, and who was forced into WW2 against his will by establishment warmongers spurred on by globalist Jews. Thus, among other things, Brian Ruhe is a sincere Holocaust denier. (Personally, I feel that although many of the stories against Hitler are probably exaggerated to some extent—just consider the stories against Trump lately—Hitler’s notion of Lebensraum pretty much implied an eastward invasion sooner or later, and I very much doubt that the Slavs were simply going to donate their territory to him. Also, preemptively dividing up Poland with Stalin’s USSR was certainly not persuasive evidence of his peaceful intentions, and his annexation of Czechoslovakia was an arguably predatory and shitty thing to do. But I suppose the “Hitler did nothing wrong” folks have their own explanations for all of this.) Ironically and maybe counterintuitively, as anyone who watches his videos can see, Herr Ruhe in his actual conduct is morally superior to the hysterical leftists freaking out at him on the streets of Vancouver. Most people who walk past Brian as he peacefully holds up a sign bearing a pro-Hitler slogan (or something equally politically incorrect) just ignore him, or glance at him and continue on their way; but some people curse him to his face repeatedly, bellow at him in a state of outraged anger, hatred, and self-righteousness, and sometimes even physically assault him. No doubt they feel perfectly justified and virtuous while doing so. Brian is almost saintly in his potentially self-destructive desire to peacefully wave Nazi signs in the midst of crowds of leftist activists. It is peculiar that the lefties going hysterical at Brian are literally more intolerant and more hateful than a Nazi. Let that sink in for a moment. But not only that: I would go even farther and assert that many Social Justice leftists, possibly even most of them, are more intolerant and more hateful than a Nazi, at least this Nazi. In a recent video of Brian’s one guy actually observes that Brian Ruhe isn’t a “real” Nazi simply because he isn’t hateful enough. Again, I assert that I am not a Nazi or a National Socialist, or even a run of the mill fascist, and I do not agree with a lot of what Brian promulgates, even though he is a nice guy and we have some interesting conversations. A good example of ideological disagreement would be our respective attitudes towards Jewish influence on western civilization. Adolf Hitler once said,The art of leadership…consists in consolidating the attention of the people against a single adversary and taking care that nothing will split up that attention….The leader of genius must have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they belong to one category.It seems plausible to me that the Führer walked his talk in this case by using Jews as the unifying adversary. No doubt he really loathed them, but still it does seem plausible that they were also a convenient political tool for unifying the militant righteous indignation of the German people. Nevertheless, Jewish influence on western civilization is much more profound than most people realize; and anyone who reads Kevin MacDonald’s The Culture of Critique is bound to become at least a little antisemitic (which is why it’s the only academic work banned by Amazon.com). Some Jews really are behind much if not most of the pernicious social phenomena running rampant throughout the postmodern west, including multiculturalism and the various forms of Marxism. The Holocaust may very well have been exaggerated (for propaganda purposes) for all I know; and with regard to Herr Ruhe’s theories about reptilian space aliens collaborating with powerful Jews, I suppose the less said the better. It seems to me that the greatest Jewish influence on western civilization was the advent of Christianity, originally a Jewish reform movement, although relatively few Goy Rights Activists place much emphasis on that particular point. So, Brian and I disagree on some things and agree, more or less, on others. Considering that we are both Theravada Buddhists, there is naturally quite a lot of agreement on basic doctrines of Buddhism and Buddhist ethics, and I even happen to share some of his weird ideas derived from ancient Indian Buddhist cosmology. Regardless of the objective truth or falsehood of his beliefs, Brian Ruhe’s conduct is morally superior to most of the people publicly bashing Nazism, including the outrageous hypocrites virtue signaling on cable news outlets. News announcers and commentators on pretty much all of the mainstream media pose as moral guides to the masses, yet they, unlike Brian Ruhe, are certainly not operating in good faith. These people are calmly, self-righteously, and cynically attempting to destroy anyone who threatens the narrative that they are paid to disseminate (and yes, they are paid by globalist Jews), regardless of actual guilt or innocence. For me, the mainstream leftist/globalist media’s ruthless, cynical attacks on Brett Kavanaugh were the absolute last straw; the guy is a totally vanilla, nerdy Christian white rich guy who obviously has never been a sexual predator, yet almost the entire political left in the USA were declaring him a serial rapist based on nothing but unsubstantiated accusations made by leftist activists. When he became upset and indignant at such sleazy attacks these same people cynically attacked him for being emotionally unstable. Their conduct towards the Covington High School kids, or for that matter towards President Trump, have been no better. Such “moral guides” are vastly morally inferior to the likes of Brian Ruhe the “Nazi Buddhist.” If I were ever to be interviewed by someone like Morning Joe, or Cathy Newman in the UK, they would certainly not be conducting the interview in good faith as Brian does, intent upon an actual exchange of views, and I would feel contaminated by the process. Not that they’d ever want to interview me. As it turns out, I am one of the only monastics of Brian’s own professed religion who is willing to associate with him in public since he publicly began endorsing National Socialism. A few others are willing to communicate with him privately, but otherwise keep their distance. This is understandable, but whether this avoidance of Brian is based on missionary diplomacy, cowardice, or something else would depend on their own mental states, which I surely don’t know. Anyway, I’m no Jesus of course, but even the Christian Messiah was criticized during his lifetime for hanging out with prostitutes, tax collectors, and other unsavory riffraff. And so, to sum it all up, Herr Brian Ruhe has got some very weird ideas (some of which may be true for all I know), but he’s a genuinely good guy, as far as I can tell. I suppose his girlfriend could describe a side of him that I haven’t seen, but then again she’s his willing consort and presumably loves him—but of course that’s none of our business. Thus far I have enjoyed our Skype interviews, and I don’t give a damn about political correctness hysteria, so I’ll keep going with them for the foreseeable future. Brian’s Bitchute channel is here. The website for the Thule Society is here. (insert 30s-era German military music here)P.S. At Brian’s request I am including here a short video of Brian characteristically offering up a Nazi salute in the midst of a crowd of protesting lefties, while fortunately being protected by a few police officers: https://www.bitchute.com/video/Fg7mLXklitO8/?list=jAwYD9IBVY8E&randomize=false

(insert 30s-era German military music here) You are subscribed to email updates from The Outsider. To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now.Email delivery powered by GoogleGoogle, 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043, United States Previous Next Sept. 22, 2019 Dear BrianJust wanted to shoot you a quick email to let you know how I appreciate you posting your views and interviews on “alt” dhamma. You’ve revealed to me that there are people who can benefit from sharing encouragement to strive on in this wilderness. the internet truly has great potential to reorient ourselves and bring our existing culture into focus by use of right view.After holding my own intentions under the microscope for some time, your example has encouraged me to make my own mini contribution in the spirit of friendship. So I decided to create a Bitchute channel and share the videos I’ve created for myself to encourage and inspire energy and devotion in my own practice.If you get a chance, please take a look. I am always very pleased to receive constructive criticism, thoughts and feelings by my elders in the dhamma. Please show me no mercy :).My hope in creating this channel is that we fellow wanderers can find some encouragement and inspiration to follow the buddha’s “pali line”, not the “party line” of present sectarian (special interests) dhamma.I believe it is our responsibility to implement the buddhadhamma as perfectly as possible in our individual, cultural, social and historical context. And I’ve found it helpful to start with what we have now (Western culture) and to “train” it in line with the dhamma. So I’ve been gradually “culturally appropriating” our popular movies, poetry etc and using it to develop propaganda to inspire pursuit of the dhamma. Here’s the link if you get a chance (Ministry of Cultural Appropriation)Anyway, thanks again. Your gifts, your offerings, your sacrifices, all appreciated as ever, my friend.Hope you are well! 2019-09-19 6:06 a.m., Hugo wrote:You are one of our heroes, Brian.Hugo o-d-i-n.net Molo_Tulo The Fuhuer sits in Valhalla with Wotan. He was the greatest man to walk upon Midgard! You rock, Brian! Keep up the cause!***Great video Brian! I posted the following comment…If you were wrong, someone would have debated you at length instead of people just repeatedly rejecting you and swearing like sailors. It’s very good to hear you explain the existence of the Transfer Agreement, AKA the Haavara Agreement that Hitler had with the Zionists. The Jewish author Edwin Black was one of the first to explain this in detail, and concludes that there should be a statue of Adolf Hitler in Tel Aviv because without him, no Jews would have been safely transferred to Palestine prior to the outbreak of war at the hands of the British and French.***Wow! They sure are triggered. There is no crime in standing on the street. If they can’t articulate an injured party (person) or (property), then there is no crime. Here’s some of what I’ve discovered in my search to expose the truth. In a Gallop poll in 1941, 83% of the USA was against blowing up Germany. Stay safe and thanks for the links! Peace,Robert Hiker1 Patex321 As an fellow Germanic i like to salute you for being/becoming awake!Patex321 As a german I thank you for your courage.RemelRemel Bloody hell. Good on you Brian for daring to tell the truth to the public. The guys complaining is just your typical brainwashed idiot. They can’t debate, just (((shut it down))). Funny how this idiot said you’re racist too. What a complete moron. Hitler was NOT racist.whitey333 The balls on you are enormous. Best Video I seen in forever.https://www.bitchute.com/video/sVJhWQ38k6O5/JimB Brian, you’ve got more courage than most of the big, puffed-up he-men “pumping iron” in all the gyms around the world. And patience! You’re a prime example of Buddhist tenacity.Bloody hell. Good on you Brian for daring to tell the truth to the public. The guys complaining is just your typical brainwashed idiot. They can’t debate, just (((shut it down))). Funny how this idiot said you’re racist too. What a complete moron. Hitler was NOT racist.Seekerofsanity Brian: I am new to you but really like what I have read so far. Saw the ridiculous shit that the renegade tribune wrote about you in march; pathetic slanderous lies if you ask me. Total cowardice. Look forward to more of your work!Western-Celt-UK More people need to do more of these vox pop billboard discussions in public in the big cities across the World and upload them, what a great way of getting truth across.Re_World I respect you brother, keep doing what you are doing.TheWestIsBeingDestroyed You are a patient man, Brian.aboutthetruthmedia TheWestIsBeingDestroyedHe seems like a friendly, approachable guy.anarchore Brian needs a volunteer security detail. Maybe with matching shirts. 😀rambetterIt’s about time that people learned the Truth about Adolf Hitler. Brian, thanks for having balls.Handsome Truth 6 MILLION POINTS IN STREET CRED BRO!!!CarlSyerforest Brian Ruhe…King of Cool

Kid_Dynamite If you keep displaying that sign I’m going to “try” to take it from you. Even that guy isn’t sure he can do it.CarlSyerforest • 4 days agoBrian Ruhe…King of CoolKid_Dynamite • 5 days agoIf you keep displaying that sign im going to “try” to take it from you. Even that guy isnt sure he can do it.−

The Brian Ruhe Show Kid_DynamiteI told him I was taller than he was

aboutthetruthmedia Very brave, very approachable Brian! It was good to watch. gingerj the brain washed sheep , this guy just refuses to listen and i think brian keeps his cool well, if it was me i think he would be on his way to a and e room.anarchore You rock Brian! Thanks for being a truth beacon.Jeffrey88 • 3 days agoWow! Great work standing your ground to that white knighters! That’s why I support the Brian Ruhe Show!Charley Howard I have to tell you, Brian you’re a considerably braver individual than I could ever be so hats off to you. If you wouldn’t mind a suggestion perhaps you could gently tell people about the slaughter of the Ukrainian people at the hands of the Jewish commissars prior to the outbreak of the second world war in the Soviet Union. I think they be quite interested to hear that the Jews had slaughtered far, far more Christians at the hands of their barbaric socialist system than ever were presumably killed in any kind of death camp. I doubt they’ll believe you, but perhaps in a light a fire in their mind and that will make them more inquisitive as to what the TRUE HISTORY is compared to what the Hollywood version of history that we have been fed. Once again, kudos to you for your efforts, stay safe! longdistancerunna We should be out there with Brian. Just imagine even 100 people walking alongside these men with similar signs against 2 jew defending “heroes”. It would be very interesting to see what would happen. Do you think something similar to the Munich Police shootings of the NSDAP’s march in 1924 that landed Adolf Hitler in jail for a year? Keep in mind that is what really caught the eyes of the German people who came to realize that they were being lied to about Communism. The Nazi parties election seats grew enormously after Herr Hitler was released a year later.

whitershadeofpale longdistancerunna • 4 days agoFair point, but I think if it got to the stage of 100 more people,standing side by side,would get attention from the authorities. A better approach would be to have smaller break-off groups working incognito. This is a very inspiring work from Brian though all the same.Sept. 18, 2019Hi Brian,these interviews were very interesting. To his credit, Armin at least approached the discourse with some semblance of balance and was far more restrained in denying you a chance to express yourself. The other guy…not so much. These guys are either incredibly naive (and/or ignorant of factual history) or they’re willingly denying the truth, so as to fit their Marxist dogma. I believe that many Euro-Canadians, Euro-Australians, Euro-Americans etc are coming to the stark realization that the fifth column Marxists have so corrupted our media and education, that they’ve damaged our young people, way more than we care to accept. If Trump’s presidency achieves nothing else, the exposure of the true size of the Zionist inspired Communist threat, will be achievement enough.Well done with your recently published David Duke interview. Dr Duke is one of the best around at exposing criminality of the Sabbatean/Frankist “death cult” that is Rothschild Zionism.– Chaz the Advocate On 2019-08-30 5:17 a.m., wrote:Hi Mr RuheI just wanted to let you know I really appreciate your courage to share your views and to take the initiative to interview Ven. Pannobhasa.The interviews on corruption in the sangha, alt-buddhism in the West and Mind Control I found really intriguing.Very encouraging to hear your friendly voices in this wilderness!Wishing good things for you.Thank you kindly Tristan,I am passing your message on to Venerable Pannobhasa. “Wilderness” is an excellent word to describe this world, eh?Hi Brian Amen, brother. An encouraging thought that the Wilderness is the most honest place to learn the true value of friendship. Feel free to share my gratitude, but not my name or contact details, as I am trying to tread lightly. There are snakes. 🙂 From YouTube commentsNov. 12, 2017And Roid 20 hours ago (edited)Hi Brian I’ve turned my attention to doing mediation more regularly and learning Buddhist teachings due to your influence. I think there’s a lot of suffering and lack of mindfulness among the truther community so you may be a person who’s in the right place at the right time. I honestly would probably never have heard of Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Sona (let alone listened to Dhamma talks) for an indeterminate amount of time had I not been drawn to your interviews (I think it was the ones with Andrew Carrington Hitchcock and Dennis Fetcho that pushed me over the edge into looking into your work further). For people who love to learn and become a better person I think Buddhist teachings/practices are a great way to relieve the monotony of the “doom and gloom” content the majority of alternative media (or our personal lives even) seems to consist of. And if we feel like modern life is too much, some knowledge of existing support structures (such as forest monasteries) could be useful information.Brian Ruhe 9 hours agoWhat a testimonial, And Roid!! May I copy and paste this for others? I deeply appreciate your specific story, thanks! You make my job worth it.Oct. 2017 Alex Seferiades2 weeks agoBrian, your reverence for the German soldier brings warmth and happiness to my heart. Greetings from Ontario!! You are doing a great job covering what many are afraid to talk about but know in their innermost core to be the truth. It is most likely that you are a reincarnated official or soldier from the Third Reich era. Only you would really know that for sure though. You have my best wishes… Keep fighting the good fight! Brian Ruhe1 second agoThanks Alex! That makes my day. I was a Luftwaffe pilot killed in a crash about fall of 1944. I have discussed this in a few videos. My current girlfriend was my 13 year old daughter at that time and with her hypnosis session, she remembers far more about me than I remember. Read the full article

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slysfreespeechspace · 5 years

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Fat Friday #12: How to get Fat Acceptance Completely Wrong

Note: This post was originally created on Blogger, and sometimes posts created on another platform don’t maintain the paragraph structure when reblogged. Apologies if it is reblogged and appears to have no paragraphs. It did originally.

I recently read a rant by a young (thin) woman proclaiming that fat liberation shouldn't intersect with feminism because fat liberation is all about desperate fat women wanting to force men to think they are beautiful. First, no. Second, what the fuck?

This young lady has confused Ashley Graham curvysexalicious (yes, Ashley actually referred to herself that way) Fun Empowered Free the Nipple Liberal Feminism For Plus Size Babes with real fat liberation or fat acceptance. Sadly, I thought she had something on the ball before she wrote this steaming, hateful pile of nonsense.

Real fat acceptance has fuck all to do with wanting to force men to think fat women are beautiful. Most of us fat women give this many fucks about having some contingent of pea-brained douchebros think we're beautiful.

Here is what fat acceptance is actually concerned with, and I think these issues are very much feminist concerns. While fat men suffer too in a thin-centric society, there is additional pressure placed on fat women for not conforming to misogynistic and unrealistic standards of hotness. Racism and classism also come into play in the thinness equates with beauty while fatness equates with slovenliness, commonness, and undesirability screed. The Slender White Woman is held up as the ideal by women's magazines. Men's magazines also hold up the Slender White Woman as the ideal, while insisting that she also have impossibly large yet perky breasts.

Fat acceptance is concerned with the fact that fat people tend to not receive adequate medical care. Doctors prescribe weight loss for every problem imaginable while not listening to the patient's actual concerns. Since women's concerns tend to be dismissed as it is, this goes doubly for fat women. The case of

Ellen Maud Bennett

may seem extreme but is sadly far more common than people realize.

Ellen was a 64-year-old Canadian woman who died from ovarian cancer, which could have been treatable if it had been addressed in its early stages. She had been feeling ill for years, but doctors never did anything beyond telling her to lose weight. Shame on all of them. They should all be held accountable for her death.

In my own case, I did not have a pelvic exam for close to thirty years, in part due to past sexual trauma, in part due to fear that I would be shamed for my body. I only went to an OB/GYN within the past two years because of post-menopausal bleeding, which turned out to be due to simple endometrial hyperplasia with normal cells. As this only raises the risk of endometrial cancer to 1.6 percent greater than the risk for someone who has no hyperplasia, I have opted against a hysterectomy (the recommended procedure) at this time. If I had presented with complex hyperplasia or abnormal cells, which raise the risk of endometrial cancer to 36% greater than a woman with no hyperplasia, I would have had the hysterectomy.

The appalling treatment of larger people, particularly larger women, by the current size-shaming medical system should definitely be a feminist concern. I give no fucks if some dumb dudebro finds me attractive. I want my health concerns to be taken seriously when I seek medical treatment. I do not want medical professionals to dismiss me as either "hysterical" because I am a woman or a pariah because I am fat.

Fat people tend to be passed over for promotions, that is if they are hired at all. Discrimination against fat applicants means that fat people are more likely to live in poverty. Given that women already have strikes against us when seeking employment, fat women face even greater discrimination. I would say that is very definitely a feminist concern.

Just because a small number of plus-size models describe themselves using dumb terms like "curvysexalicious" and a few (understandably) angry big women make the regrettable error of posting "real women have curves" or "only dogs want bones" types of memes does not erase the real goals and real concerns of the fat acceptance/fat liberation movement. By the way, don't post those memes. They're ignorant. Nobody should be shamed for their body type. And you can refer to yourself as "curvysexalicious" if you want, but I'm gonna give you the side-eye if you do.

All fat people face stigmatization and discrimination. Fat women get an extra helping of discrimination for not adhering to arbitrary and unrealistic standards of beauty. These are absolutely issues which should be addressed by the feminist movement. Unless feminism is only for thin women, which is what some "feminists" seem to be implying.

Also, the assertion that fat liberation only concerns itself with forcing men to think fat women are beautiful makes me wonder if the individual making that (inane) statement is unaware that there are fat women of the non-straight persuasion.

Guess there have never been any fat bisexual or lesbian feminists. Nope, can't think of a single one.

Radass Badass Andrea Dworkin (26 September 1946 - 9 April 2005) Apparently a figment of fevered feminist imagination.

As Andrea Dworkin once said, "if an ignoramus you are, speak you should not." Oh, wait. That was Yoda.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

#fat acceptance #radical feminism #size prejudice #fatphobia in medicine #fatphobia + classism + racism

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magnificentsapcaddy · 7 years

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Your Number One Fan

Hey everyone. I know this isn’t usually my style, but I wrote a quick little fanfiction for The Adventure Zone. It’s not that long - it’s 1,825 words, so do what you will with that information. It’s just a little something I wrote about Taako getting his start with on the road with Sizzle It Up. When I get my AO3 account, I’ll post it there, but for right now, you can read it here. If you have any strong opinions one way or the other, let me know! It would mean a lot to me.

When Taako started out on the road, life was hard.

It was hard to draw a crowd for Sizzle It Up in the beginning. After all, it’s hard to build an empire from the ground up. If nobody knows you, nobody wants to see you, you understand. It’s tough out there in the entertainment business.

Taako was never shy - he a performer by nature, after all. When you’re playing to a crowd of less than ten show after show after show, though, it starts to wear on you. It doesn’t matter how charismatic you are, or how bold you act on stage - when you’re dealing with that level of inadequacy, that level of disappointment almost every night for weeks upon weeks, you start to break down. You lose hope.

Towards the end of this period, just when Taako was about to give up, a single ray of light shown down on him. He could still remember the first night it happened. He was playing to a crowd in some backwoods town where the population was five-hundred tops. There were maybe ten or twelve people in the audience - par for the course, really. It was some dive bar, one of those places where it legally had to call itself a tavern because you can’t market yourself as a brothel or a place to buy illicit drugs. There was no reason whatsoever for the night to be any different from any other.

And yet, it was. In the far back of the room, by the door, away from the stage, there was one person - a woman, Taako figured, but he never was totally sure - who absolutely loved his shtick. Every joke he cracked, every prop gag he did, every pun he made (no matter how corny), this lady would cackle and howl with laughter. When the dish was finished, she hooted and applauded, rising to her feet. It was the first standing ovation Taako ever received.

When Taako moved on to the next town to perform the next show, he noticed that the lady had followed him. She also followed him to the next show.

And the next.

Taako was flattered, of course - anyone would be, I think. Taako was quick to pick up on the fact that his crowd sizes were growing exponentially - slowly now, but exponentially nonetheless. The reason for this quickly became apparent as Taako found that somebody truly gracious out there was putting up flyers for all his shows. Sometimes, before he even got into town, he’d notice that there would be flyers singing his praise on every street corner, lamp post, and bulletin board in the area.

Eventually, he’d find that, if he asked around, somebody would’ve already booked a room at a local inn for him. All expenses paid, to boot! Sometimes, he’d even wake up to little care packages waiting for him outside his room. They were never anything that extravagant - a nice bottle of wine, a sprig of exotic spices, that sort of thing. Once, he even received a hand-made plush mongoose, which, admittedly, was a strange gift to get, but one he adored nonetheless. Of course, later down the road, this sort of treatment would become commonplace as his fan base grew, but now more than ever, it meant the world to him.

Taako didn’t need to think that hard about who this mystery patron was.

It was his number one fan.

This fan’s laugh was never hard to pick out of a crowd. Taako bet that if he played to all of Faerun and she was listening outside of the arena, in the parking lot or something, listening in on a Stone of Farspeech, he would still be able to recognize it. He’d even make jokes about the laugh every now and again - nothing mean-spirited, of course, just gentle ribbing. At one point, this mystery woman laughing was almost like a running gag. Someone who saw his Neverwinter show and someone from the Estagund crowd could have gotten together, and even if they had nothing else in common, they could both recognize and probably imitate that laugh.

Then, one day, as inexplicably as it had started, it stopped. Taako was on the west coast, preparing a nice mulligatawny for the crowd, the recipe for which he had picked up somewhere near the Bay of Kings. He cracked a dumb joke, something along the lines that he hoped if he screwed up the recipe that the audience would give him a “mulligan-tawny” for the night.

The crowd - about four-hundred strong by now - laughed at the intentionally forced pun.

But his number one fan didn’t.

He spent the rest of the night low-key anxious, trying to not to show how worried he was. He knew, logically, it shouldn’t have bothered him at all. But still, he felt like he was a kid again, going out into the world without his aunt to depend on.

After a few shows, when it was apparent that his fan-slash-benefactor was no longer following him, he found a quick fix. If he ever, for whatever reason, got nervous on stage, he’d just cast Prestidigitation and conjure up that laugh. And when he did it, it was just like she was there in the crowd again. He could mimic it perfectly - he had heard that laugh so much by that point, that he could reproduce it just as well as he could reproduce himself saying, “Let’s sizzle it up!”. He felt cheap about doing it some times - everybody feels kind of ashamed to use canned laughter - but it brought him comfort.

In his times of trouble - say, after a rough crowd, or after getting jumped on the road, or after a fight with Sazéd - Taako would go into his trailer and conjure up that laugh over and over again. He could never put his finger on it, but it was like having an old friend beside him to calm him down.

The was some closure, though, a couple years down the line. It was a few months before the Glamour Springs incident, a few months before Taako would put himself into exile, forever on the run. He was playing to a smaller crowd on the docks of New Astencher, a few miles west of Pyratar. This time, he was preparing a local specialty, a squid-based soup in which every part of the squid was used, including the beak. Near the start of the show, as he was getting ready to prepare the squid, he cast a simple spell on it and moved it around like a marionette, making it catwalk over to the chopping board. “Hey,” he declared, “watch the fuckin’ throne, Howdy Doody, I’m comin’ for ya!”

This would later become Taako’s favorite joke of all time, because it was the first laugh he heard his number one fan laugh at after so, so long.

It was different now. She sounded older, far, far older than she should have sounded, but it was still her. Taako performed the rest of the show with a manic sort of vim and vigor that he hadn’t had in a long time. It was like a puppy greeting his master after they’d been away. The audience ate it up. It would go down as one of his best shows of all time.

For the first time, Taako got to see what this fan looked like, kind of, since she was sitting out in the open. She had her face and most of her body covered with an old tattered, red robe. Even if he didn’t know what she looked like, Taako felt incredible actually getting to see her, to put, if not a face, a form to the laugh that more or less saved his life.

After the show, after he gave out samples to the audience, and after he did his meet and greet and has his publicity photos and went through all of the usual business again, he ran back to where his fan had been, hoping to find her, to thank her, to finally talk to her.

He didn’t. She was already gone by that point. However, he quickly spotted that on a windowsill laid an envelope, with his name written in flowery cursive on the front.

This is what it said:

Taako,

I am so incredibly proud of what you’ve become. I’ve been away lately - I’m sure you’ve noticed. I had to tend to my own personal business, you see. As fun as it was to be your “tour manager”, for lack of a better word, I had to lead my own life. I’m sure you understand. Nevertheless, I want you to know that I cannot apologize enough for leaving so abruptly. It hurt me more than you could ever imagine to have to leave you ą͡͞g̴̢͜͠a̡í̷͘ņ.

Taako couldn’t quite make out that last word. After trying to decipher it for a moment, he decided it was nothing more than an ink smudge, and moved on.

I know you don’t know me, but - and I hope that I don’t sound malicious - I know you very well. You probably don’t remember it, but I actually helped you buy your wagon and some of your cooking supplies. It was nothing big, but I’m glad that you’ve done well with what I gave you.

I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I am so overjoyed to see what you’ve become. You have fame and fans and, gods willing, fortune. You’re everything I always knew you could be.

Taako, I’ll be honest with you - I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again. I can’t talk about it, not right now, but I hope you believe me when I say that I’m trying to do great things, things that could change the world. Believe you me, Taako, as much as I love watching you cook and tell jokes and entertain, I have more important matters to attend to. And if some great misfortune should befall me before we ever have the opportunity to talk again, just know that you were a shining light in my life like no other.

I hope that I brought you as much comfort as you brought me pride.

With respect,

Your number one fan

Taako suddenly noticed that the paper was getting wet. He was crying. He quickly but carefully folded up the letter and put it in an inner pocket in his cloak before he wiped his eyes dry.

“Hey, Taako!” somebody yelled. It was a fan - not the fan, of course, just a fan. They wanted a picture with him.

He took a deep breath, cast Disguise Self on himself to make himself look more chipper, and went on with his business.

He would treasure that letter for the rest of his life.

#the adventure zone #taako #taako taaco #taako the wizard #sizzle it up with taako #writing #real talk though it really would be great if you let me know if it's any good

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burchlife · 7 years

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One year in Dallas

Be prepared, this is a 2000 word summary of the year in revision and the year to come.

Crazy to think that I’ve been in Dallas for a year already. I was optimistic but nervous when I moved here, leaving friends and the school routine for something new. Traveling was scary, but it was a temporary scary -I could back out whenever I wanted. I couldn’t back out of a life in Dallas though, I would have a career and (kinda) roots here. Mindset at the time: optimistic, but low-key terrified.

With no caveats, the last year has been the best of my life. Lets run down the list of things in my life:

1. Girl: I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t one of the primary reasons for my happiness. All through college I told myself I’d find someone I liked, that the next stage of my life would introduce someone, but I don’t know I ever really believed myself. Now, randomly, I have someone. And while it’s still early and I don’t want to be hyperbolic, it continually astounds me how much I enjoy her. I’m shocked that I spent 72 straight hours with her, never once got annoyed, and was sad when I had to leave. I don’t know I’ve ever been in a position with a person where, while they’re different in many ways, there’s effectively nothing about them that you don’t like. I didn’t know you could feel that close to someone

Perhaps more importantly, I know she’s made me better. It’s a stereotype, but since I’ve been dating her my confidence is higher, I stay in better shape, I’m more motivated in hobbies and work, and I spent a significantly smaller fraction of my time depressed or worrying about dumb shit. My Saturdays now consist of long walks and adventures and interesting things to do instead of lazing on the couch and feeling like shit by the end of the day. Because I want her to be proud of me when I tell her how my day went. I doubt she’d judge me when I told her my day was boring, but the extra motivation to impress her and be impressive for her is a constant factor and I hope that doesn’t fade.

I can’t say how this relationship will end, but right now I’m happy and I think she is too. It’s hilarious to read my posts from when this started and see my constant expectations of impending doom. After six months of dating I’m slowly starting to reign in the occasional fear that she’ll wake up one morning and be done with me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get over feeling like she’s better than me and I’m lucky to be with her. She makes my life better.

2. Work: I’m still working through these thoughts as my rotation ends so I probably owe a more detailed post at a later date, but overall I’ve been surprised how much I enjoy the working world. It’s been interesting to see just how much I enjoy making an impact, in IPD I constantly felt like I was doing things that mattered and it made me look forward to getting up to go to work each morning. In RFAB, I rarely did things that mattered, and so it was unrewarding (though the few important things did engage me, showing that anything can be interesting). It’s comforting to know that I can find enjoyment and excitement in what I do, even if it’s working on TI’s most boring parts.

It’s also reaffirming that I was able to do well in my roles. I’m not sure how much stock to place in reviews and compliments, but I think it’s safe to say that I’m above average and bordering on good. I’ve always had the fear that schoolwork and internships wouldn’t translate to real life; at my internships it always felt like I underwhelmed. It turns out that nobody is capable of doing shit until they get experience and an internship isn’t long enough to do that; once I learned what I was doing I proved to myself I had the traits necessary to be impactful. It’s also oddly reaffirming how ‘held together by duct tape’ the world is. I know that there will always be places for me to impact and improve. I’ve seen that the average employee has a mediocre skillset and gives 50% effort; if I have above average skills and give even 80%, who knows how far I can go?

I’m so excited to go back to IPD. I believe that in two years from now I’ll have made a genuine impact, learned an wide assortment of valuable skills (I think GP is a great boss who will put me in positions to be successful, check back in on this one to see if the opinion has evolved), and will be ready to go make my mark at HBS.

3. Exercise and Reading: Two things that are very easy to fall by the wayside if you’re not careful, and I was afraid that in my adult routine I’d let these fall by the wayside. Exercise has been a resounding success, I’m in the best shape of my life, almost ran a marathon (and will be running one eventually or dying trying), and am back to thinking every day excessive is the expectation. It’s funny how much fitbit has helped here - I’ve gotten better at zero zero days with little more than a reminder of the fact I’ve haven’t moved. I’m also excited about rock climbing, and hoping to stay excited and consistent.

Books are a bit more of a mixed bag, but I’m doing alright given the time constraints put upon by life. If I can hit my 30 books this year I’ll be happy, though it’s not an outright success.

4. Social Life: This was less of a fear upon moving(and has been more of a mixed bag over the last year) but I’m happy with how things have gone. I knew it would be good with Amy, and I hoped it would be good with Jeremy, but I didn’t know whether overall my social life would be enough to make me happy. By and large, it is. I’m extraordinarily close with both Amy and Jeremy like I’d hoped, and have a solid group of auxiliary friends around me that I can hit up whenever I need social interaction. I’ve done good as well at keeping ties with college friends and not letting those relationships die.

Probably the most surprising aspect of my social life though is that I’ve gotten to the point where I need it less and am less terrified about being alone. I think part of that is getting better at being alone while traveling SEA, part is that I’m more confident overall, and part is that work provides more social exposure than I expected. I’m partially excited to go back to IPD for this reason - social life there is 10x better than RFAB.

5. Mindset: In general, I think I’m growing my willpower and getting better at doing the little things that slowly build up to big things. These aren’t huge changes, but rather the habits like flossing daily, keeping the apartment clean, managing my time wisely, and walking every day, that aren’t hard but simply require being done. Even sending an apology to Eric Wilbur is something that I don’t know I would have done a year ago. More and more I’m seeing truth in the saying that willpower is a muscle and as you use it it grows

Here’s my overarching goal for the next year: No wasted time. The most successful people in the world waste effectively zero time. I’m getting better at this, but there are still days where I get home from work and talk to Jeremy for two hours then watch Netflix and go to bed. That’s wasted time. It’s not crippling, but it adds up and those three wasted hours could have been used productively, be it a hobby or reading or social life. The difficulty here is that wasted time doesn’t have a concrete definition: sometimes talking to Jeremy for 6 hours is wasted time, and sometimes it’s necessary catching up. Sometimes laying in bed and watching friends is wasted time, and sometimes its much needed brain shut off. It’s a fluid thing that I can’t always define, but that I can always tell. I need to listen to that feeling more and whenever possible even preempt it. The past year has seen progress; showing me how rewarding productive time is and motivating me to work even harder.

More specifically, here are the next years goals off the top of my head, in rough order of importance:

1. No regrets on the relationship: I don’t know how the next year with the girl will go, but I want to make sure that no matter what happens I have no regrets of what I did or didn’t do. Just being cognizant and intentional about the relationship is maybe the single most impactful thing I can do over the next year. Whether this is little things like surprising her, or big things like voicing my fears and complaints, or telling her I love her, or even ending things if they get bad, I want to know I did everything I could to do what is best and right.

2. Develop a hobby I’m passionate about: Rock climbing is a good start, but I want more. I don’t know what but I want to be able to answer “what do you do in your free time?” with an answer that isn’t “run, read, and friends.” Even if those are important, they’ve moved into baseline. No wasted time, use that time on a hobby.

3. Dominate work: I think I’ve done well in my first year, but by next year I want to be better. I want to be the top 10% in the product line, I want people to know that I get things done and I’m the person they go to for questions. I want to be irreplaceable. I think I can do this; IPD offers nothing but opportunity and I think I’m both in a good position and am capable if I push myself. No wasted time at work, use that time to add value.

4. Run that damn marathon: I’m disappointing in not running Toronto, but not disappointing in myself. I put my all into that training and stuck with it, not running was out of my control. I need to do it again, and this time better. 15miles/week until September, and then a real training plan until January. I think I can beat 4 hours finishing time, but I know I can finish. Be consistent, be careful, and be motivated.

5. Fix my diet: Cook more. Right now I eat like shit and I spend too much money eating out. I need to quit with my excuses that prevent me from just coming home from cooking, and I need to cut back on my sugar intake (it’s bad). This is probably the hardest willpower thing I face. I need to do better for so many reasons, from health to finances to feeling better. Working out and being hungry all the time isn’t an excuse to eat an entire bag of candy. No wasted time, just fucking cook dinner it doesn’t take long.

6. Make reading my default: Reading is more rewarding that Netflix or Picross or sitting on the damn couch. Stop wasting time and pick up a book instead, lets go to 30-40 books this year.

Below this the goals are more optional; they’re things I want to do but aren’t as much of priorities.

7. Get enough sleep each night: 7.5 hours/night per fitbit. Life is just so much happier when I prioritize sleep. This is a hard one to prioritize though, as there’s a fine line between wasting time leading to not sleeping and doing important things leading to not sleeping. No wasted time, turn off netflix and go to bed.

8. Branch out in my social life: I’m happy with the friends I have, but I could do better at cultivating a wider network. Whether this is James, or workplace people, or the girl’s friends, or people I haven’t even met, it would be good to grow my social circle wider.

9. Get involved in the community: I don’t know what form this takes, or if this will happen at all, but I need to think more into it. Community engagement has fallen lower on my list as I’ve realized that I’m only here for two years, but it’s not off and I don’t like that it keeps getting lower.

So yeah; I’m getting complacent I guess. I’m setting a high bar, and I don’t expect to accomplish everything, but the last year has shown me what I’m capable of. I think if I work towards each of these and don’t waste any time, my life will be far happier by next June then it is now.

First year as an adult down and successful, on to the next one. Lets make it better and leave nothing on the table.

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