#something felt off since the beginning but this is the biggest red flag

[karokawwo]

did i miss something?? wasn't the postcard meant to be like a huge reveal in anisa's route??? did dorian rewrite the prologue or something bc i don't remember them dropping this many plotpoints

[librosamarillos]

passed down like folk songs

chapter 7: it would've been you

Maegor Targaryen x OC

Also on Ao3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Tags: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, angst, mature themes, targaryen incest, violence, Maegor is a red flag himself, characters are ooc probably, MINORS DNI

Let the angst begin besties! <3

“What?!” Ceryse asked in pure shock.

When her handmaidens ran into her chambers to rush her to her father’s solar, this was the last thing she was expecting to hear. She assumed something horrible had happened and technically, it had, just not in the way she was expecting. Her brothers were quiet, both looking at their father, deep in thought.

“Your uncle had suggested it, the King himself accepted and requested the wedding take place as soon as possible.”

“Why would he suggest marrying me into that family? With those people? When was I going to be told?” she asked, trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

“Marrying into the royal family, you will live like a princess. You’ll want for nothing.”

“I don’t want to leave Oldtown. I’ll be in King’s Landing all alone! You said it yourself, the Targaryens cannot be trusted. And the Prince? Surely you’ve heard what they say of him. You want me wed to that supposed brute?” she asked, looking to her brothers for support.

“It is a smart move, but you plan to leave our sister alone there? Surrounded by dragons?” her younger brother, Morgan spoke up. 

“It would be foolish for them to mistreat her. The whole point of this union is Oldtown’s alliance. They’re not dumb.” their father countered. He turned to her, approaching her. “Ceryse, I know this is less than ideal, but we are not in a position to reject this proposal. You are six and twenty, my dear. You’ve turned down every lord who’s asked for your hand so far, it’s time you married and settled down. You’ll marry into the most powerful family in Westeros, your children shall have dragons.” he added.

Ceryse thought for a moment. She found the idea even more dreadful the more she let it sink in. If she had it her way, she’d remain in the Hightower for the rest of her days, surrounded by the people that loved her, not by strangers that she didn’t trust. 

What were the Targaryens, other than invaders? Coming to their land, forcing their people to yield or die a most painful death? And now she’d have to marry into their family? When had they let an outsider marry in anyway? Alysanne was a cousin, that was as far as they were willing to go, since the Queens had no daughters. Just the thought disgusted her. Truly, how could they bed their own brother? And would her own children have to marry each other? Surely her uncle wouldn’t allow it, but would they even care to listen when they could burn them all to the ground? She shuddered. 

It was a smart move on their part, she had to admit. Her uncle and the faith were the Targaryen’s biggest problem, so a union would bring them all on their side. She just hated that it had to be her. She adored her family, her city, her friends, and now she’d be shipped off to the capital that she hated. 

Ceryse remembered when the King visited Oldtown with his sister, Queen Rhaenys. She was young, but she immediately didn’t like them, as open a mind as she tried to keep. Aegon had this air of assured righteousness, as if he was owed their land and their support, and Rhaenys took a supposed interest in their culture. She clearly put up a front, Ceryse knew. It wasn’t her first time in a court, there were many like her that pretended to care for others, wanting to appear kindhearted. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but the Queen treated them like one would treat a child who was babbling. Like she was above them, giggling at their ways and thoughts. She couldn’t stand it. She felt guilty to be glad she was no longer here. 

She had only seen Queen Visenya once, from afar. It scared her, that it was her son she’d be marrying. Both their reputations were cold and ruthless. Visenya was the most feared out of her siblings, and for good reason. Supposedly Prince Maegor was a brutal man, a knight at six and ten, the blood of many on his hands, something he had enjoyed, or so she heard. If the rumours were true, he was nothing like the charismatic and kind Aenys, quite the opposite. Gods, how could she be optimistic about this union? It was her duty, she knew, but she had always hoped her duty could be near her home, far away from dragons. The gods had other plans, it seemed. 

“I still don’t trust them, father. Even if they don’t mistreat her, Ceryse will have to spend the rest of her days with that man and his family. Do you trust them with our sister’s life?” her eldest brother, Martyn argued. 

Their father was silent for a moment. Very few times could she remember seeing him look this defeated. He looked at them all, eyes landing finally on Ceryse, before he spoke again. 

“I do not. But I’m afraid we have no choice. Your uncle made the suggestion without consulting me, if we step back now, it will only make the situation between the crown and the faith worse. We cannot risk our house like this.” he explained, grasping her hands. “I don’t want to send you away to them, believe me, my daughter. If I had it my way, I’d find you a match here, close to us. I fear it’s too late for that. I do not trust the Targaryens, but I do trust you. It’ll be difficult, but I know if anyone could navigate it, it would be you, Ceryse.” 

Her father, Lord Manfred Hightower, was a pragmatic man. He had the gift of assessing a situation and putting his feelings to the side in order to make a decision with the most favourable results. This time, he was having a hard time doing so. She knew why. They had lost their mother not even a year ago, the pain of her loss still looming large on their family, and now he was losing his daughter. Although quite formal, they were always close. It was hard to picture her life without having her father and brothers so close by. She had recently become an aunt, and she adored her nephew and good sister.  It was so unfair she’d have to leave it all behind. 

“I understand father. I’ll… I’ll prepare for the trip.” she nodded, and her father pressed a kiss on her forehead. Nobody in that room wanted to leave. 

“You hate this.” Martyn stated, entering her chambers. 

Ceryse was throwing dresses for the trip on her bed, trying to decide on what to wear. If she was going to be forced into that family, at least she was going to look good while doing it. She turned to face her brother, who had his arms crossed. 

“Of course I do. But what’s done is done, I might as well not drag my feet. It would only make me twice as miserable.” she answered, biting the inside of her cheek. “Besides, the rumours could be greatly exaggerated. At least I hope they are.” 

Martyn looked down. 

“I wish I could go with you.” he sighed. 

“You need to be here. To be acting Lord of the Hightower. If what I heard the maids whisper is true, uncle will insist we marry here, in the Starry sept. If the King wishes for us to marry quickly, I’ll be back soon.” she countered. “Does that not sound suspicious to you?” she asked. 

“Hm?” Martyn looked up at her. 

“That he wishes for us to marry as soon as possible.” Ceryse mused. “He’s trying to rush our union, is it not strange that the King is doing so? It should be the other way around, for a house to push for the union with a Prince. I think the King is hiding something.” she said, eyeing her brother. 

“Perhaps he’s trying to save his son from scandal. That, or he’s very eager to mend relations with the faith before he gets too old to govern.” he answered thoughtfully. 

It was silent for a while. Ceryse didn’t want to worry her family any more than they already were, but she was truly afraid of what she was getting into. Martyn seemed to sense it, wrapping her in his embrace, silently sharing her sorrow. 

“Please be careful. The dragons can be unpredictable, dangerous. Warm up to the Prince, you’ll at least be safe.” he pleaded, before pulling away. How she’d miss him. 

“Morgan and uncle will join us to King’s Landing. They’ll… keep me safe.” she said, trying to convince herself that her brother and uncle could stand a chance against dragonfire. 

The Hightowers had the advantage of politics and cultural influence; they'd be a great tool for House Targaryen to show that they were joining Westerosi culture and traditions, but dragons were volatile. Who’s to say they wouldn’t burn them to the crisp if they were displeased? Sure, now they are playing politicians, but what if they go back to how they were? Bathing the kingdoms in fire and blood? Ceryse could only put on a brave face and do her best to survive. 

Court was summoned in the throne room, leaving everyone to whisper in anticipation about what this could be for. Grandmaester Gawen had informed Rowan, and everyone else in the library at the time, of the sudden announcement the King and Queen wanted to make. He seemed in good spirits, making her assume the King would announce a new project for the city. 

In the throne room, she quickly spotted her father, who also appeared to be looking for her, greeting her with a smile. Her eyes found the royal family, all standing in front of the throne, whereas the King and Queen stood atop. Rowan studied them for a moment. The King appeared happy, no, satisfied. Visenya on the other hand was nervous. As much as she resented Aegon for all the pain he caused Visenya, she had to admit, they looked good together as a couple. To those who didn’t know her, she appeared stoic and confident, but she knew better than that. She noticed she always clenched her jaw a specific way when she was trying to calm her nerves. Had they argued? Perhaps the King had chosen to do something Visenya disagreed with? She was sure she’d tell her about it eventually. 

Maegor stood next to Aenys on the base of the throne, looking like a million things were on his mind. Rowan was worried now. As if feeling her eyes on him, he only returned a tiny glance, before looking straight ahead. He looked guilty. Any excitement she felt before had now faded away. She tried to not let her mind assume the worst, but it was too late. 

“I have happy news this afternoon. It is with great joy that I announce the betrothal of Prince Maegor to the Lady Ceryse Hightower. The High Septon himself will join House Hightower in court within a fortnight to discuss the details for the grand ceremony.” Aegon’s voice boomed in the room, causing the lords and ladies to cheer, offering congratulations to the Prince. 

Rowan felt the room shatter around her. For a moment, she couldn’t hear anything but her own racing heart. For a second, she thought she saw Visenya give her an apologetic glance, but she couldn’t be sure. She quickly snapped out of it, trying to replace her broken expression with a smile to match everyone else’s. Not until her father grabbed her hand, did she notice she was clenching her fists so hard, her nails had drawn blood on her palms. She watched the people around her, not fully registering what was happening.

She didn’t know how long she was standing there, still as a statue, until court was dismissed. She felt her father pull her away, heading straight to her chambers. It took her a few minutes to truly understand what was happening, to understand Maegor would not be hers. Her father was talking to her, but her ears were ringing. Realising his words were not getting through to her, he pulled her into a tight embrace. 

In her father’s arms she felt the first few tears drop. And then she wept. She wept and wept until she couldn’t breathe. She mourned the future she let herself dream of with Maegor, she mourned their little family she imagined nightly, she mourned for all the love she had for him that she knew would never fade away, she mourned for herself that would have to watch him from afar as he married another and had a life with her, all in front of her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” her father whispered, rubbing her back to try and soothe her. “Just let it all out.”

By the time Rowan stopped crying, it was nighttime. Had she truly spent the entire afternoon there, crying? Her father had offered her some water, his face riddled with concern. Water was a welcome and calming thing, helping to bring her back to reality. She made her way to the vanity, splashing her face with the water in the bowl, her hands lingering on her cheeks. Her palms were stinging, the half moon indentations still red. How had she not realised how much it hurt before? She looked up at her father, who still looked at her with sorrow.

“Did you know?” she asked softly.

“No, the Queen hadn’t informed me of this, or hinted at anything.” his voice was soft, calming.

Rowan nodded, before walking to the small table and pouring herself another glass of much needed cold water. She drank it and sat down, her expression empty. Her father took both of her hands into his own.

“My love, please do not take this the wrong way, but I must know. Did he… do anything to you? Has something happened?” he asked, his voice heavy with worry.

“No, no father. It’s just…” she trailed, her voice still hoarse, “we kissed, the night of the feast at home, but nothing more. He told me he wished to ask the King to have us wed, but…” she felt herself tear up again, shaking her head.

Her father let out a sigh of relief, before making his way right next to her to wrap his arms around her once more, his warmth soothing the ache in her chest just a bit. Rowan never imagined heartbreak to feel so literal, that her heart was indeed being torn to shreds. How was she to feel normal ever again?

“I’m sorry my girl, I know it feels awful. I wish things were different, but the situation could not be helped. Not with so much involved.” he whispered.

“I know.” she whispered back, wrapping her arms around him as well. “I let myself believe that things would be a bit different, but I suppose I was foolish to do so.” 

“My love, you’re no fool for loving someone and hoping. It’s just that life can be cruel sometimes.” he said, patting her hair.

“I know… It could not be helped.” she whispered. “I just wish to go to bed. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Nonsense. I’ll always be here, no matter how small or big you think a problem is. I’ll leave you to rest. Would you break fast with me in the morning?” he asked.

Rowan nodded and he placed a small kiss on her forehead, wishing her a good night. She felt like her body moved on its own as she undressed to wear her nightgown and undid the braids from her hair. She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, her heart still aching.

How could she not foresee this happening? It was the only logical thing to happen, that he married for advantage, as the Targaryen rule was still too new, in need of solid allies from great houses. Ceryse, she remembered her. They had been introduced at a great feast in Highgarden, as their fathers were friends as boys. She was great company and Rowan recalled she had the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen. She would make a lovely bride, she was sure of that. It didn’t stop her heart from feeling like it was being stabbed a million times at the thought. 

How was she to face Maegor ever again? She felt that looking into his eyes would end her, that it would be too much. Like it would tear her apart to even hear his voice and be near him, but all she wanted to do was run to him regardless. What was she to do? Abandon her studies in King’s Landing and hide away in the Citadel? The more she thought of it, the idea was growing on her. To run away.

Her fingers traced the cuts on her palms, as she wondered how the discussion went. Had Maegor fought for them at all? Did he try, or did he accept his King’s commands at once? Had Visneya tried to sway him? The questions were eating her alive, she was unsure how she’d find any sleep at all. 

Did she regret it, kissing him that night? Knowing what a euphoric feeling it was, to feel so close and connected to someone, how his stubble tickled her face, how she loved the way he held her, how she felt her heart jump and race at how he looked at her. Gods, she didn’t even want to look at anyone else but him. She blushed at the memory of his firm hands pulling her so close to him, she could think of nothing else since then.

But he was no longer hers, he never was. Someone else would have him all to herself and it made her burn with jealousy, before the guilt hit her. It wasn’t Ceryse’s fault that Rowan went and fell in love, like an idiot- had she ever admitted that before? Love, she never said the word out loud. But she knew, she always knew she loved Maegor. And in that moment, she hated herself for it, for she knew she’d never stop.

Maegor wanted to scream. He wanted to rage, to break everything and anything in his wake, to march into battle and kill. But he had to sit in the small council meeting regarding the possible expenses of his upcoming wedding. Aenys was casting him sympathetic glances throughout the whole thing, but Maegor kept his face blank, save for the light frown that was always present. His father went back to normal, in not paying much attention to him, which normally filled him with unspeakable anger, but right then he was glad, for he knew he’d get told off for appearing like he had murder in his eyes during talk of his wedding. His mother was unreadable. She didn’t speak much, only asking for specifics in their budget, seemingly satisfied at the reminder of the Hightower’s wealth and thus their grand contribution.

The only thing on his mind was Rowan. Just the thought of her made him want to scream again. He only caught a glimpse of her face, how hurt and absolutely destroyed she looked, before putting on a smile to not raise suspicion. He wanted to run to her, to hold her, to tell her it was her he loved and her alone, to apologise a million times. She had told him years ago that she worried about things outside of their control, and like a fool he thought he could control his father’s decision. He felt like the biggest traitor in the world.

“Maegor, did you hear me?” Aenys’ soft voice made him turn.

Maegor blinked. The room was empty, leaving only him and his half-brother there. When did he stop listening and when did all of them leave? Aenys walked close to him, awkwardly placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I was nervous too, when I was first betrothed.” he offered another kind smile.

Maegor only hummed, not wanting to humour his half-brother, but not wanting to raise suspicion of his true feelings either. He wasn’t nervous, he was angry this was even happening. He was angry about many things, but this anger was a different beast.

“Lady Ceryse is lovely, I’ve met her many times in the progresses in Oldtown, I think you’ll grow quite fond of her.” Aenys said.

The thought of ever growing fond of anyone else felt like a sin so great, the gods he didn’t even believe in would strike him down where he stood.

“I see.” he managed to spit out.

“You know, even if things are awkward in the beginning, you two will grow close when you have children. I know it was true for me and Alyssa.” he offered his advice, before stepping back, as if he could feel the rage seeth out of Maegor.

He wanted once again to march into some battle for the kill. He had longed for fatherhood for a long time, but only with Rowan at his side, no one else. And now what he longed for would never be, it couldn’t. Would he even be able to look at his children if they weren’t Rowan’s, or would he treat them like his father treated him? He knew she’d hate him if he did. 

He gulped. Did she hate him now? Would she slap him, yell at him, call him a coward? He didn’t think Rowan was even capable of such anger, but he wished she could. He felt he’d deserve everything she’d throw at him. Anything but her tear soaked face. That would send him into a spiral he’d never get out of. He promised himself he’d protect her from any harm, but now the pain was his fault.

“Maegor?” Aenys’ face showed concern as he looked up at him.

“Thank you for the advice. I shall keep it in mind.” he somehow managed to sound somewhat grateful, before turning to leave.

He had to find her.

After escaping his chambers unnoticed, he managed to go unseen in the dark of the night. He was always vigilant, his eyes noticing everything at all times, including what times the servants went to bed, leaving the halls empty. He found himself at Rowan’s door, a lump in his throat, feeling for a moment that he couldn’t move, that he wanted to run away like a boy. But he had to see her, he needed to. So he knocked, and entered as soon as he heard a confused ‘yes?’.

She was sitting on the desk, writing a letter, her eyes wide in surprise when she saw him enter. For what felt like forever, neither spoke. She played with her fingers as she rose, the way she always did when she was nervous.

“I’m so sorry.” he managed to find his voice.

Rowan only nodded, the sorrow in her eyes being answer enough. Maegor walked close to her, close enough to hold her hands. 

“I tried to reason with him, truly. He and mother had a fight about it too. He had already accepted on my behalf, I swear it, I would never have accepted if I was given the chance.” his voice trembled as his eyes burned looking down at her own broken face.

“I understand, it is your duty. You cannot run from it.” she said softly, a frown on her face. 

He hated it. He hated seeing her so sad, so defeated and not being able to fix it.

“Lady Ceryse is a fine woman, she’ll make a lovely bride and wife to you.” she managed a pained smile, as tears slipped from her eyes.

“Please don’t. Don’t say that. I don’t want anyone else but you. All I want is you.” he pleaded, tears beginning to stream down his own face, but unlike the hot angry ones he shed in her arms as a boy, but desperate and miserable ones.

Rowan shook her head.

“But that’s not the reality of things, no matter how much I hate that it is not. What’s done is done, we cannot be.” her own voice was hoarse from crying. “You have a duty to your house, to your family, to your wife. As much as it pains me, you were never mine to lose, Maegor.” she shook her head again.

Maegor felt himself torn apart. How much had she wept for her voice to be so strained, for her eyes to be so puffy? How he hated himself at that moment. He hated feeling powerless more than anything.

“It should’ve been you. It would’ve been you, had he only listened to me.” he frowned. 

“He was thinking like a King should. It’s no one’s fault. Life is unfair at times.” she breathed, closing her eyes for a moment.

They fell in silence again, gripping at each other’s hands. Rowan looked to the ground, like looking at him pained her. But Maegor’s eyes were pleading for her to do just that, to look at him. He felt the back of her hand with his thumb, before sensing her stiffening up. He turned her hands to look at them, his eyes widening at the fresh scars caused by her own nails. She tried to pull away in shame, but he held on. She always picked on the skin around her fingers when her anxiety was too much, she was always ashamed of it when he noticed.

“Rowan…” he whispered, his concerned voice making her shake her head again.

“It’s nothing. Really.” she finally looked at him with her puffy green eyes. “You really shouldn’t be here. If someone were to see you-”

“No one saw me.”

Another moment of silence.

“The wedding, it will be in Oldtown, won’t it?” she asked.

He hated it. He hated how pragmatic she was, how calm and thoughtful. He wanted her to yell at him, to scream, to throw things at him. All that he would deserve. Her calmness, he did not feel worthy of. He nodded.

“I’ll return home, but we’ll come to the ceremony, father and I.” she said.

“What?” he asked, panic suddenly taking over. “You’re leaving? But- When will I see you again? Rowan you cannot leave. What of your studies, or- or helping your father? Please, you cannot leave, I cannot bear not seeing you.” he pleaded.

“Do you think I can bear to see you with another? Everyday? Do you not think it would drive me mad? How could we ever go back to normal if I stay?” she pleaded right back.

Maegor was speechless. He felt like the biggest asshole there ever was for asking her to stay. Every part of this conversation hurt, but the reality that she wouldn’t be here with him half the year, like she always did, sliced his heart apart.

“I hate that I’ll leave, believe me, I do. But we cannot- we can’t, it’s not fair. It’s not fair to you, to me or to Ceryse. Please… you have to go. The hour is late.” she pleaded one last time, her voice still trembling as she pulled her hands out of his grasp to wipe her tears and take a step back.

It felt final, too final. He knew she was right, he hated that she was. But soon the guards would change shifts, he had to leave, even though everything in him was yelling at him to stay. He looked at her again, wishing to fall into her arms and weep.

“Rowan… I lo-”

“Please don’t say it.” she begged, holding back a sob.  

taglist:@heartstalked@stupidocupido@discowizard88 @slytherisstuff

[newx-menfan]

X-Men Monday with Erica Schultz

Spoilers!

🚩

“Later, in college, one of my best friends (still to this day) was a huge Marvel fan, and when I fell out of reading the books, he would always catch me up on things. Thanks, Kevin!” 😳😬

….🚩🚩

“I’ve read all her solo series, so I don’t know if I have a favorite. I like All-New Wolverine as it introduces Gabby, Zelda, and Bellona. It also allows Laura to branch out a bit. Tom Taylor was the writer, but there was a revolving door of incredible talent on that book. David Lopez, David Navarrot, Nik Virella… the list goes on and on. “

“I also enjoyed Mariko Tamaki and Juan Cabal’s work with the stories showcasing Gabby’s relationship with Laura. And who can forget Jonathan! Diego Olortegui, Marcio Fiorito, and Georges Duarte were also contributing artists on that run. It was interesting to see the Cuckoos and Old Man Logan, and even Deadpool show up.” 

😳😳😬😬

….🚩🚩🚩

“That was the assignment. I was given the option to do a story that was set in the past to help flesh out some more of who Laura is.”

😳😳😳😳😬😬😬😬😬😬

….🚩🚩🚩🚩

“In the Utopia era, one of the things that made Laura feel ostracized from the younger X-Men like Bling was that she had no social graces. She was basically a feral animal. This was on display when the original X-Men came back from the past and Laura and Warren started a relationship. So Laura’s honest (like Tech in The Bad Batch), but she’s not entirely honest with herself. If she were, then she’d have an easier time understanding the uneasiness felt by her peers during this time.”

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

——————————————————————— Yyyyeeeaaaghh- none of this sounds very reassuring 😬.

I personally tend to have low confidence in writers who aren’t comic book fans/more in the “comic book culture”- maybe that’s an unfair judgement call and “gatekeeping”… but the America Chavez solo series by Gabby Rivera, Chelsea Cain’s Mockingbird, and the MCU blatantly STATING they don’t want writers who read the comics ON THEIR projects are all PRIME examples of how often this goes BADLY 😬.

The fact that Schultz cited Taylor and Tamaki over KYOST (her CREATORS) or even Liu (who a lot of fans really LOVE and the fact that this story is supposed to take place during her solos time period…) ISN’T a good sign. Tamaki was undoubtedly the weakest X-23 book and it kind of shocks me ANYONE would mention it honestly…. It makes me think this will DEFINITELY be “Tamaki 2.0” and revolve around the SAME facility story beats instead of something actually creative. 😬

It’s also a bit weird to me that Schultz focuses more on the art than the actual writers…I’m not saying they weren’t amazing…but it seems a bit strange since the writing of Laura and the canon should be her primary focus…

I find the fact that she was ASSIGNED the Utopia time period also troubling…because there’s plenty of writers who would have LOVED to do Liu era Laura! Whether you agree or not- Liu’s solo is beloved by a large subset of fans and seen as their “iconic” Laura… Liu admittedly did some really great things in that series and her Laura was really complex and interesting! To basically talk about it like you would talk about a homework assignment…isn’t great. 😬

Hell….Craig Kyle is literally going on Twitter, BEGGING Marvel to let him write Laura again!

The BIGGEST RED FLAG to me though has GOT to be talking about Laura being “ostracized” (again…who BESIDES Surge ostracized her Marvel?!! That’s literally just ONE freaking person??!! Mayybbbeee Hellion and Rockslide in the beginning of NXM…but even THEN Mercury was telling them to knock it OFF…and Julian and Laura later were best friends. LAURIE was more bullied than Laura in Academy X! WITHER and SURGE were more ostracized than Laura EVER was! Come ON!!) and talking about the O5 and her relationship with Warren…

NO X-23 fan liked “All New X-Men” Schultz. 😐🙄. NO long term Laura fan thought Warren was a good boyfriend or liked Laura IN THAT BOOK! And what’s up with the random Bling mention? Like I like Roxy…but literally no one immediately thinks of HER when they think of “New X-Men”…? She’s a Milligan creation…When did Bling ostracize Laura? Did Schultz get Roxy and Noriko mixed up?? Does Bling appear in this book? Like why are you dragging poor Roxy into this mess??? She literally did NOTHING except not want to be X-Men canon fodder??!!

“During this time, Julian is an important part of Laura’s life, but he’s only really in a flashback panel or two, if I’m being honest. Laura has to do some self-care in this series, and that means cutting herself off from pretty much everyone in order to find where she’s really going to fit.”

OH THANK GOD!

At the point that we’re going into “Laura was ostracized by the NXM and never had ANY real friends at Xaviers” song and dance AGAIN…I would rather not have Hellion set foot in this book…!

All I can really say about this is…. I REALLY really hope Hellion is back with Wind Dancer in Krakoa era and has just chosen to opt out from all the Laura drama at this point, instead of being dragged in every time writers need “poor sssaaaaaddd maligned Laura” ! 😳🙄

“If I’m thinking about it in the grand scheme of comics, I don’t think any relationship is ever dead. I mean, how many times have Rogue and Gambit broken up and gotten back together? Storm and T’Challa? Scott and Jean? Scott and Emma? And don’t get me STARTED on Hawkeye and his escapades! So I think there’s always a chance for Laura and Julian. Whether or not I’m given the go ahead to make that happen, I couldn’t tell ya! Not that I can’t tell you, it’s because no one has told ME yet. Hahaha!”

I find it HYSTERICAL Marvel gets asked pretty much ALL THE TIME about Hellion during Laura projects….they know it’s super popular…and STILL they won’t do anything with it despite knowing it would sell 😐. You’re basically outing yourself Marvel by saying Hellion and Laura is on par with Jean/Scott, Scott/Emma, and Rogue/Gambit…some of your most ICONIC comic book ships you have. 😐

Hellion and Laura are honestly NEVER going to come back, the same way DC comics will always find a way to screw over “Young Justice” and “Wally West” in their books- it’s nostalgia from an era older comic book fans hate. YJ doesn’t deserve the respect “the New Teen Titans” does…because it happened in the 90’s instead of the 80’s AND because the team is made up of second Gen sidekicks instead of first Gen…

Hell the animated series couldn’t even be BOTHERED to feature the REAL YJ cast as the main protagonists…it was instead filled with classic Teen Titans.🙄

NXM and the characters from it will always have a black mark despite their popularity, because it’s not “Grant Morrison”…or “Generation X”…or “New Mutants”…

The ONLY possibility of Hellion EVER being ALLOWED to be back with Laura…is if the MCU chooses to feature him as a love interest in one of their movies or shows…and most likely Laura ISN’T even going to be in the MCU, just like Miles Morales hasn’t 😐.

“Hi Larisa, so Haymaker is an interesting villain. They’ve been a part of Laura’s story long before Laura even knew it. One of the things we explore in this arc is collateral damage. Haymaker/Jordan is just that type of character. Their life took a dark turn and their rage led them to where they are. 

This story has a lot of healing in it. It also has a lot of pain. And it’s never comfortable to confront your past and try to make amends while still maintaining your pride. Let’s be honest, Laura is a prideful gal. So there’s going to be a lot of kick-ass action, and Laura is going to be put through her paces, but she’s also going to have to reconcile some of her past actions and how that affects others.”

Sooo it’s “Orphans of X”/Alex Cimini/Henry Sutter…taking some kind of serum…probably related to Laura and Logan’s healing factor…

Great. 😐

Overall the writing so far doesn’t ASTOUND me. Laura’s voice feels pretty “meh” and the art is pretty so-so. It’s not even Marjorie Liu levels of writing at this point. I am predicting this is going to be another forgettable and most likely skip-able “X-23 mini”.

It’s sad, because I think Laura has run essentially into more or less the SAME “clone” rut Superboy and Bey Reilly ran into….

Every story about Laura revolves more or less around the facility OR clones/Laura DOUBLES.

Her only consistent villain is perpetually Kimura and facility copies.

Her identity and story CENTERS around being a clone, instead of trying to branch out a bit by focusing in on her relationships with the NXM, NYX crew, Avengers Academy kids, ect…

There are other things you can DO with Laura, she’s not “out” of possible stories…but you would think it considering how writers have treated her the last few years. I will give Liu this, at least she TRIED to step away from Facility drama with the Hooded woman/enigma force/ect. The problem is- modern writers don’t WANT to be creative. The don’t want to have to break away from the “female Logan” or “clone” overused storylines. Even if it is making Laura’s character obsolete and forgettable.

Let’s be honest, Tamaki’s “Robo-Lauras” was the beginning of the end in, “How much can we stretch the clone/shadowy facility” storyline. At this point….just bring back Craig Kyle, Marvel. It may not be perfect…but it will probably be better than this 😐.

Maybe I am judging it too harshly (in my defense the “pitch” Schultz gives in the interview was pretty DANG awful!)…but nothing in this interview reassures me it’s gonna be good.

[ocasiolifestory]

Chapter 2- Friends

To all those I no longer speak to, 

I am sure you know this already but in the beginning it was hard being friends with you.Well to be honest I am not sure if you know that. Since when we started being friends I kept to myself so much. Not because of anything that you did but because of how shy I am. It took me a while to actually open up to you didnt it? I did not really talk as much when we first started being friends. I grew up my whole childhood being shy. People would talk to me and I would just ignore them. That is because to me it was so much easier to stay quiet than to go over in my head a million times what I should say to you. I also ever since I was little just had a hate towards people so as a result I stayed quiet. It gave me some peace of mind just being quiet and not talking to you. But then you started to talk to me and you showed me that there was no need to go over what to say to you a million times in my head. You allowed me to feel comfortable around you. I felt at ease when I would talk to you and felt like I no longer needed to overthink things in my head. That is why  I started to talk to you more, we have shared laughs, memories, conversations, given each other advice and so much more. The time we have spent together was amazing. I am so happy to have spent some time with you even though it may seem like right now I hate you. I honestly do not know how I feel towards you right now. I do not know if it is hate, anger, sadness. I can't point my finger on it. I had to stop trying to figure out what I feel towards you. It was weighing me down, I am a person who analyzes everything and this is something I had to stop analyzing. Sometimes I question why I ever became friends with you in the first place. Sometimes I question if our friendship was real or it even meant something to you like it did to me. It makes me frustrated that I do not understand why our friendship ended or the Yes I do question it and sometimes that thought of your irritates me. So now I choose not to think about you. I choose to just keep moving forward with my life. You know how hard it was for me to stop analyzing things. This was something I had to learn to stop analyzing. Even though I still spend so much time analyzing things. When you left it hurt, because I do not know what I could have possibly done to make you leave. You have by leaving taught me so many lessons. The biggest lesson you have taught me is that I can not care about what other people have to say about me or think of me. If I were to do that then everything would stop me from accomplishing my dreams, my mental health would be shitty all the time. You have also taught me that the only person that I need in life is myself. I can not worry about the people who are entering my life or leaving. It is simply just a waste of my time doing so all it does is affect my mental health. I need to be able to take care of myself. Yes, having some friends in life is amazing and great. At the end of the day you only have yourself and you get to choose who your family is. Only you were able to teach me that. So am I happy that we are no longer friends anymore? Yes I am because I was able to learn so many things from you and our friendship. I was able to find many purposes in life that I never had before. I was able to experience different kinds of friendships, learn to see red flags in friendships and to know when someone might be using me or not. So thank you again for the time we have spent together and giving me the things I did not know I needed till now. I am better off without you though. So I am sorry if you ever thought that we would be friends again.  I hope you're having a good rest of your life. Because even though I may feel a certain way towards you right now, I still care and have consideration for the fact that you're still a person too. So I wish you well. 

Sincerely, 

Someone you will never speak to again

[diwatera]

LGBTQ+ Movies I Watched Recently (Part 2)

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

Short Summary: Abby plans on proposing to Harper when they visit Harper’s family for the holidays. Her plans get derailed when she learns that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Why you should watch it: Not gonna lie, Mackenzie Davis drew me to this movie; I’ve been in love with her ever since San Junipero came out. Add Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza and Dan Levy to the mix and I’m sold. If you want a sapphic romance with a happy ending, this one’s for you. 

Été 85 (2020) dir.  François Ozon

Short Summary: Alexis recounts his six-week love affair with David during the summer of ‘85. 

Why you should watch it: If you love 80s aesthetic and music, you definitely should watch this. The movie made me nostalgic of that decade and I wasn’t even alive back then! It’s a whirlwind summer romance reminiscent of Call Me by Your Name but with a more devastating twist.

Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) dir. Cory James Krueckeberg

Short Summary: An obsessed college boy pursues his internet crush through the pretext of making a documentary about him.

Why you should watch it: The script and the acting are the one-two punch of this film. The writing is incredibly genuine, and both of the actors’ performances made the lines feel even more natural. I’m not the biggest fan of mockumentary-style films, but this one felt like it was a recording of my own life. Hyper-obsessive college grad with a Tumblr blog? Might as well have called out half the population of this damn site.

Pihalla (2017) dir. Nils-Erik Ekblom

Short Summary: Miku and Elias find themselves, and each other, during a summer in the Finnish countryside.

Why you should watch it: I’m a sucker for gays in the countryside™ and although this one is not quite up there with God’s Own Country and Call Me by Your Name, it still makes for a good watch. Miku as a character and his relationship with his parents was chaotic and fun. His relationship with Elias felt really natural and dreamy. 

You, Me and Him (2017) dir. Daisy Aitkens

Short Summary: Olivia, a mature responsible lawyer, wants to have a baby, but her girlfriend Alex isn’t ready for the responsibility. Things get even more complicated when their flirty neighbour, John, joins the picture. 

Why you should watch it: It is one of the most feel-good lesbian romcoms I have seen in a while. But I warn you, there are some dark parts that can really sneak up on you. Yeah, it’s hilarious, but damn it made me ugly cry, too. Oh, and if you want to see David Tennant as an alpha male douchebag, here’s your chance. (CW: **spoiler alert** p̶r̶e̶g̶n̶a̶n̶c̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶s̶ )

Giant Little Ones (2018) dir. Keith Behrman 

Short Summary: Franky and Ballas have been best friends since childhood, both on the swimming team, both incredibly popular. But after an incident during Franky’s birthday, they quickly fall apart and Franky falls from grace.

Why you should watch it: I think the film captures just how tumultuous coming-of-age stories are. Franky is going through his own journey of self-identity, and I’m happy that the movie didn’t rush in with labels. The conversation Franky has with his dad at the end also hits hard.  (CW: physical assault, allusions to sexual assault)

Our Love Story (2016) dir. HyunJu Lee

Short Summary: A fine arts student meets an attractive bartender, and the two women begin an intimate relationship.

Why you should watch it: It’s a very intimate love story that isn’t rushed or dragged out for too long. We definitely see Yoon-Jo and Ji-Soo’s relationship bloom from start to end, but it’s not mind-numbingly boring to watch. Raw and unembellished, I definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of wlw romance.

Die Mitte der Welt (2016) dir. Jakob M. Erwa

Short Summary: The film follows Phil and his relationship with his family, his best friend, and a newcomer at his school, Nicholas.

Why you should watch it: This is technically a second watch for me, and I’m glad I rewatched it, because I was able to catch some glaring red flags that I missed the first time. I love this movie in spite of all the heartache it caused me. The story, especially the deal with Phil’s family, struck a chord in me. And the shots! Visually stunning as well! 

Les Amours Imaginaires (2010) dir. Xavier Dolan

Short Summary: Marie and Francis’ friendship is put to the test when a beautiful boy called Nicolas comes between them. 

Why you should watch it: Watch it for the visuals -- the colors, the costumes, the cast. Seriously, the actors included here may as well be kept in the Louvre: Xavier Dolan, Neils Schneider, Monia Chokri, hell, even a cameo from Louis Garrel! Dolan said it himself that this is a shallow film, but it’s worth the watch just to see Neils Schneider wearing heart-shaped glasses.

Closet Monster (2015)  dir. Stephen Dunn

Short Summary: A creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.

Why you should watch it: Right off the bat, I am going to say that this film is dark. I tried watching it back in college but tapped out within the first ten minutes because something traumatic happens. Then I tried again about a week ago, finished it this time. It’s actually a very moving film. It’s violent and gory in some parts, but also ridiculous and wholesome in other parts. IT HAS A TALKING HAMSTER NAMED BUFFY! BUFFY WAS THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (CW: gay bashing/sexual assault)

Straight Up (2020) dir. James Sweeney

Short Summary: Todd and Rory are intellectual soul mates. He might be gay but she might not care.

Why you should watch it: The dialogue in this film is undeniably sharp and witty. Loved the fast-paced back and forth between the two main characters as they discuss relationships, sex, gender, and more. James Sweeney and Katie Findlay’s chemistry just pulled you into the screen. It was funny, it was sweet, it was heartwrenching, it was great! (CW: allusions to sexual assault)

Latter Days (2003) dir. C. Jay Cox

Short Summary: A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe.

Why you should watch it: I saw this in santiagonex’s top 20 LGBTQ+ films with happy endings, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a feel-good watch. Instead, I got a rollercoaster melodrama filled with early 2000s gay culture, religious guilt, buttcheeks, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Needless to say, I got more than I bargained for. (CW: self-harm, conversion therapy)

The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood

Short Summary:  A covert team of immortal mercenaries are suddenly exposed and must now fight to keep their identity a secret just as an unexpected new member is discovered.

Why you should watch it: Okay, I was debating whether I should include this here, because it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ film as much as it is an action film with queer characters. I decided to include it, because JESUS! I have never seen such respectful and well-written representation of queer characters and relationships. Joe and Nicky are the most unproblematic couple in history. PERIOD. Pray for sequels, everyone. This is the kind of representation we deserve in mainstream media. 

. . .

Click here for more LGBTQ+ film recs

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Chances

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 5245

Content warnings - lots of angst, cheating, no smut, lots of comfort

Prompt/Inspiration - none

Summary -  You and Mammon start to drift away from each other, and a drunken mistake forces you both to have a very difficult conversation.

AO3

Mammon had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

Which is honestly saying something when taking into consideration his age and tendency to make frequent stupid mistakes. But this one was far worse than anything he had ever done before. And the minute he was done, he knew just how badly he had fucked up. If he thought it would do any good at all, he would have gone to Lord Diavolo and Barbatos and begged, groveling if necessary, to go back in time and stop himself from doing this.

Ordinarily, he would go to you when he needed help getting himself out of a tight spot. But this wasn’t the sort of thing you could help with. It wasn’t something anyone could help with, really. He briefly considered just not telling you, but he knew the guilt would eat him alive. No matter how he looked at it, he was going to have to talk to you.

But where would he even begin? Should he start with how he’s been feeling for the past month? Or just the incident from earlier in the week? Or should he just cut to the chase and say exactly what he did? He didn’t want to make excuses for himself, but at the same time he wanted you to understand how this all happened. It wasn’t because he didn’t love you, and he wanted to make sure you knew that more than anything. You could think he was stupid, selfish, a total scumbag - but he wouldn’t be able to live with it if you thought he didn’t love you.

And oh did he love you. So much. More than he ever thought possible. More than himself, more than Goldie, more than all the riches in all three realms combined. There was only one thing that would satisfy his Greed now - and that was you.

That’s why it hurt so much when he felt you pulling away from him. He wasn’t sure how it happened exactly, either. Only that it was a slow process where he lost you little by little. The first thing he noticed was that you weren’t laughing with him as much as you used to. Instead you’d roll your eyes and ignore him. The next thing that caught his attention was when you stopped standing up for him in front of his brothers. Up until then, you were always quick to put an end to their shit when they’d try to pin all their problems on Mammon. But then one day...you just didn’t.

That was probably the first big red flag that he was unable to rationalize away. And after that, he noticed dozens of other little things - how you stopped saving his seat at dinner, you didn’t wait for him to walk home from RAD, when you canceled movie nights without a reason.

He wanted to talk about it, he knew he should. He knew that’s what you would want. But he just couldn’t make himself take that final step. Partly because he felt he had to have done something to upset you and that’s why you were acting this way...and partly because he was afraid of what you’d say. Afraid that you’d tell him you didn’t love him anymore, or even just confirm that it was all his fault, that you were tired of dealing with him.

So he bottled it up, and shoved it down, and tried to ignore that lonely, empty feeling. But the longer he went without talking about it, the worse he felt, and the angrier he got. Couldn’t you see he was trying? Why didn’t you appreciate his efforts? Did you have any idea the things he’d given up, the changes he made, all to make you happy? To make you proud of him?

Until finally he started to pull away too. He stopped crawling into your bed at night. Stopped buying you little trinkets. Didn’t invite you out as frequently. Started spending more time out partying again, trying to keep his mind off you.

And it was one of those late nights out at The Fall that started him down this path he was now clueless as to how to escape from.

Before he had even left the House of Lamentation, he knew what he was going to do - he was going to break up with you. It just hurt too much to be constantly rejected, avoided, and ignored when he was expecting you to be there for him. When it felt like you should be there. Too afraid to try to talk things out, he decided this was the only thing to be done. He would leave you before you had the chance to leave him.

But first, he needed some liquid courage. He didn’t want to be completely hammered, he still needed to be coherent enough to tell you what he wanted to say. He just needed some help working up the courage to knock on your door.

It was then, while he was enjoying his third glass of Demonus, that he was approached by a beautiful demon. Of course, he didn’t think they could hold a candle to you, but there was no denying that they were attractive. And what better way to help himself relax than by giving himself over to his more demonic...urges? He was about to break up with you anyways. So what did it matter if he got a little frisky on the dance floor with someone else? Plus, knowing there were others that were still considered him desirable was a huge confidence booster, something he desperately needed right then.

Thinking back, he could see that this was the moment when he should have just turned around and left and went straight to you. Because maybe if he had talked to you right then, everything still could have been salvaged. He would be able to tell you how he felt, and you could tell him how you felt, and everything would just...work out.

But that’s not what he did.

Instead, he took this demon’s hand and let them lead him out to the dance floor. Right to the middle of all the action. With so many bodies pressed together, and so little light, it didn’t take long at all before he lost himself in the music and the feeling of them grinding against him. Soon, his hands had found their way to their waist, and they encouraged him to let them roam. Under the hem of their dress. Pushing the straps on their shoulders aside for better access to their neck. Teasing the edge of the V on the neckline of their outfit.

Mammon didn’t think he had been that drunk. But the combination of music, alcohol, and heat was overwhelming. So he didn’t hesitate when the demon asked if he wanted to get a private room. He didn’t hesitate when they pushed him down on the sofa. And he didn’t hesitate when they began undoing the buckle on his pants. All he could think about was how he wanted more, more, MORE. Something, anything , to fill that hole you had left inside him.

And then it was all over.

He was left in the room by himself. His partner not bothering to help him get cleaned up or get dressed. Wholly unconcerned with how he would get home, if he managed to get home at all. They had gotten what they wanted - a fun romp with a powerful demon - and now they could brag to all their friends about how they absolutely ruined Mammon, Avatar of Greed.

The cool air on his bare skin began to return Mammon to his senses. And the more he sobered up, the more he hated himself, and the harder he cried. Silent tears, just streaming down his face, getting caught in his ears. He missed you so badly. You were always so tender and affectionate with him. You spoiled him. And this...it had been the opposite of everything he loved about you, and he felt so hollow, so dirty , the longer he thought about it.

Why had he thought that talking to you would be so scary? What made him think breaking up with you would have been so much easier? How did he manage to convince himself that this would give him courage?

Mammon wasn’t sure how long he laid there, staring at the ceiling and reflecting on where exactly it had all gone wrong. He didn’t remember getting himself dressed again either. And by the time he had returned to the House of Lamentation, he just felt numb . There was no point in delaying the inevitable, so he shuffled his way to your room, careful to avoid disturbing his brothers, and knocked on your door.

When you saw him standing there, unsteady on his feet, reeking of booze, clothes absolutely filthy and unkempt, your eyes went wide. And then a moment later you had flung your arms around his neck, hugging him close.

“I’m so glad you’re ok!” you whispered in his ear. Mammon was stunned. He didn’t know how to react. Should he hug you? Is that the appropriate reaction for someone who was about to shatter your heart into a million pieces?

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up,” you said, releasing Mammon, only to tug gently on his hand and lead him inside your room. He sat obediently on the edge of your bed, still trying to work out what he’s supposed to do next, as you gathered up a fresh change of clothes for him, and a couple damp washcloths to clean away all the grime.

You couldn’t even begin to fathom what sort of trouble Mammon had gotten himself into this time. Did he start a bar fight? Refuse to pay for his drinks? It didn’t really matter to you though. You had been trying to reach him since earlier that afternoon and his DDD kept going to voicemail, and all your texts were ignored. You were just glad he was alive and in one piece, you’d deal with the fallout from whatever this was later.

When you went to remove Mammon’s shirt, he finally reacted, grabbing your wrist and halting your movements. He still hadn’t figured out what to say, but he knew if you removed his shirt, it really would be all over. You’d see the evidence, marked all over his body.

“Mammon? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

You knelt down on the floor in front of him, trying to catch his eye, as he was refusing to look at you. When you brought your other hand up to gently caress the one that was holding your wrist, he finally looked at you. Why were you so tender to him? Even now? Even when it was clear he must have done something absolutely awful?

And that was all it took for the tears to start to flow again. Mammon let go of you, just to bury his face in his own hands as he tried to curl up into a ball from where he sat. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go! He was supposed to be mad at you! He was supposed to march into your room, and tell you things were over! Why was he now sitting on your bed, while you rubbed his arms, as he cried harder than he ever had cried before?

“Hey, sweetheart, what happened?” you asked softly, your concern only mounting the longer you spent with him as you watched him unravel. Mammon had always been on the emotional side, but this was beyond any reaction you had seen from him before. Carefully you moved to sit on your bed next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he continued to cry.

“I’m sorry. So sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” he choked out between sobs and gasping for breath.

“Shhhhh, we’ll talk about it later. We’ll figure it out.”

You had started running your fingers through his hair, something you knew that he loved, before gently pulling him to you so that his head rested on your lap and his body curled up on the bed.

Mammon hated himself more and more with each passing second. He knew he shouldn’t be letting you do this. He knew it was wrong of him to let you comfort him. He knew that he was just taking advantage of your kindness. But he just couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t been able to spend quality time with you in weeks, and laying here like this, your fingers running through his hair while you whispered soothing words in his ear, was just what he had been wanting. So even though each motion of your hand felt like a barb to his heart, he stayed and soaked up that feeling. This would be the last time you ever touched him, wouldn’t it?

As Mammon rested in your lap, you realized how much you had missed this. He had been so busy, for what felt like months, and no matter what you did your schedules never seemed to match up. You knew that was partly your fault though. You had been avoiding him to a degree.

When you had first started dating him, everything had been amazing. He lavished you in love and attention. You gave him your whole heart, your entire being - and he returned your affections in full. There wasn’t time for anything else, the two of you were enamored with each other. Obsessed, even.

But after awhile, you started to become aware of tiny little things that started working their way under your skin, grating on your nerves. On movie nights, he stopped asking if you’d be there. It wasn’t that he just assumed you would since it was your custom, but he didn’t even tell you he was looking forward to it or...anything. In fact, he hardly texted you at all now. Unless he wanted something.

Before, it wasn’t unusual to find the two of you with dopey grins on your faces, sitting in the same room, sending each other all manner of adorable and ridiculous messages. And he always had a word of praise for you. Even if it was simple things like how he enjoyed the way you smiled at him that day during class. But those compliments had just dried up too.

You tried a few times to send sexier texts, just to tempt him and get him to respond, but those were also ignored, aside from a flirty demoji. He just didn’t seem to have time for you anymore.

The breaking point for you was one day at RAD, when you were waiting for him to walk home with you. He was late. Very, very late. You tried calling him, he didn’t answer. And when he finally appeared, he acted like nothing was wrong. He didn’t apologize or offer an explanation. He just grabbed your hand and started heading home, talking about his day like he hadn’t just left you standing at the entrance to the school for 30 minutes.

That’s when you decided to pull back a bit. Just a little. You just wanted him to notice all you did for him so he’d stop taking you for granted. You were expecting him to ask you about it, or to take a step towards you and initiate things for a change.

But...he never did.

He never breathed a word of it to you. He didn’t ask you what was wrong. He didn’t pick up the slack. He just let you drift away. And the less he said to you, the further away you pulled, until the two of you hardly saw each other at all.

You were at the point now where just the sight of him made your heart break, especially when you’d catch him laughing or smiling with anyone else. It was like a slap in the face - he was still happy without you. He didn’t miss you. He didn’t need you. For all those words of love and promises of eternity, you were just another passing distraction. You had served your purpose. And now, he was simply no longer interested in you.

Today, you had decided to finally talk to him about it. You didn’t think you could survive much longer in this relationship limbo you currently found yourself in. You needed answers or...well, you didn’t want to think about the or. You still loved him. But you were starting to think he didn’t love you, even if you didn’t want to believe it and refused to let yourself admit it.

When he first ignored your calls, you assumed he was just avoiding you, maybe even playing hard to get. Which you felt was fair, given how you had been behaving recently, not that that made it any easier to stomach. The longer he went without contacting you though, the more concerned you grew. Until he finally showed up at your door looking like death warmed over. And as soon as you saw him, nothing else seemed to really matter.

After awhile, Mammon’s breathing had finally begun to even out and you could tell his crying had stopped. He didn’t move to sit up though, and you didn’t stop running your fingers lovingly through his hair. It seemed both of you knew that whatever happened next wasn’t going to be pleasant. You still needed to talk to him, and he still needed to confess to you.

“...I made a mistake…” Mammon finally mumbled into your lap, tightening his grip around your legs. He was going to hold on for as long as he possibly could.

“What sort of mistake?” you asked, in a quiet, gentle voice.

“...a really...really...bad one…” he choked out, fighting back his tears.

“Tell me about it. We can fix it together.”

“...no...you can’t...you can’t fix this…”

“You won’t know for sure unless you tell me.”

“...someone…”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“...no...I...I...was...with...someone…”

“You were with some…?” you inhaled sharply as you finally began to understand what he was getting at. The hand that was combing through his hair stilled, but you didn’t push him away. You didn’t know what to do. Was this why he had been so distant? Why he started avoiding you too? Why he let you drift away? Because he had found someone else to take your place…? The thought of it made you sick. But why was he sobbing into your lap, desperately clinging to you if he had already decided to replace you?

Not knowing what else to do, you resumed running your fingers through Mammon’s hair. You felt him flinch under your touch, but he still didn’t move. It was obvious he didn’t want to leave. And you...you didn’t want him to leave either. Not yet. Because the moment he did get up, and he did leave...that would be it. As long as he stayed here, holding you like this, you both could pretend that everything wasn’t as bad as it was for just a little bit longer.

Maybe it was the fact that your disposition made you naturally good in a crisis, but for whatever reason, you were calm. Irrationally so. Anyone else in your position would have shoved Mammon to the floor by now, and chased him from their room. But you didn’t. You were doing the unthinkable - you were comforting him. And all you could think about was finally getting the answers to the questions that had been plaguing you for over a month now.

“Do you think we could start from the beginning?” you asked.

“The beginning…?”

“Yeah, like why did you go out tonight? Or when did all this start? The beginning. Whatever it is.”

“Umm...I…” Mammon stumbled over his words. Where did he even begin? Where was the beginning anyways? His heart was so mixed up. And even though he was sober now, he still couldn’t get his thoughts to focus.

“Just start somewhere, ok? We can piece it together as you go.”

Mammon took a deep breath, steadying himself, before finally continuing, “I was...going to break up with ya tonight. That’s why I went out. I didn’t...I didn’t mean for this…” now that he had started talking, he was finding it easier to get his words out. He still had so much to answer for and so much to explain, and if you wanted to know, telling you was the least he could do.

“After...I...I knew I messed up. That’s why...why I came here…”

“...why did you want to break up with me?”

Mammon’s admission of cheating hadn’t really bothered you. Perhaps you were just rationalizing it, but if he was planning on leaving you, then you weren’t really sure it could be counted as cheating. At least not in the same way as if he had stepped out in the middle of your relationship and had been trying to have his cake and eat it too.

What really bothered you was the fact that he was even planning on breaking up with you in the first place.

The thought that maybe he didn’t love you anymore briefly crossed your mind, but you had a growing suspicion that it was more than that. Something told you that you were somehow responsible for this. That your attempts at getting him to appreciate you had actually hurt him, instead of their intended effect. That if you had just talked to him sooner…

“...I thought ya didn’t want me anymore…” Mammon’s voice trailed off. He hadn’t said that out loud before, and it hurt far worse than he was expecting it to. It was like now that he had said it, it made it real. It wasn’t just something he feared or worried about. Now, it was simply a fact.

“Wh…? Why would you think that…?” you asked, but you knew why. You knew exactly why he thought that. You had done such a good job of pushing him away, after all.

“You just...stopped laughin’. Like ya didn’t have fun with me...like ya preferred my brothers. Jus’...seemed like ya...were tired of me…”

By now, you had started crying. You tried to muffle your sobs with the hand that wasn’t still carding through Mammon’s hair, but you were unsuccessful. As soon as Mammon realized, he immediately sat up and turned to face you. He wanted to comfort you, to hug you. But it didn’t seem like the sort of thing you’d want from him right now.

When Mammon sat up, all you could do was stare at him, both hands clamped over your mouth. The reality of what you had done was finally starting to hit you, and all you could feel was overwhelming guilt. Why didn’t you just talk to him first?? Why did you wait so long to talk at all?? You hadn’t accomplished anything that you had set out to do - you had only hurt the one person who mattered most to you.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry.”

What else was there to say really? How would you explain that you had done those things...intentionally?

Mammon started to reach out to you, instinctively wanting to hold you, but then he froze with his hands hovering halfway between you, not wanting to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. You didn’t hesitate to return the gesture though. And soon he had you pulled into his lap, straddling him, while you hugged one another, with your arms around his neck.

“I thought you were sick of me .”

“Why the hell would ya think that?”

“...you stopped texting me. And there was that one day at RAD…”

“Huh?”

You pulled back from Mammon a bit so that you could sit up and face him, resting your hands on his shoulders, “There was one day I was waiting for you after school. I had to be waiting there for 30 minutes at least, before you finally showed up. And you didn’t say anything. You never told me why. You never apologized...and I just…I just felt like you were taking me for granted.”

It wasn’t difficult for Mammon to remember that day. He had been so happy to see you waiting for him, even after he had taken so long to get ready. You still waited. Part of him just assumed you knew, that saying those things was unnecessary, because you always seemed to know what he was trying to say.

“I was happy to see ya. I’m always happy to see ya.” Mammon tucked a stray hair behind your ear before cupping your cheek tenderly with one of his hands and wiping away what tears he could reach with his thumb. You closed your eyes and just held his hand to you, enjoying the feeling of the warmth on your skin. Why hadn’t you just talked to him sooner?

You knew the next part of your story was going to be hard to hear, and even harder for you to admit. But it needed to be said, probably more than anything else.

“So umm...I decided to...kinda play hard to get I guess? I thought if I wasn’t as available, if you had time to miss me, that you would appreciate me more. Except...you didn’t...so…” silent tears had started running down your cheeks and you couldn’t bring yourself to raise your gaze to meet Mammon’s either.

“I just…” you continued, determined to get the rest of your thoughts out, “...I thought that you would say something to me about it, you know? I kept waiting for you to notice. But you never did...you just kept on like nothing was wrong. And…I...I didn’t know what to do…”

To your surprise, you felt one of Mammon’s hands begin to tenderly rub your back, as he gently pulled you towards himself so he could hold you again. He had been so stupid. The irony was not lost on him that by avoiding talking to you, he managed to let you slip through his fingers. If he had only mentioned that he even noticed any of the things that had been bothering him, the two of you likely would have worked things out. Or at least, had the opportunity to try.

You slipped your arms back around him, burying your face into his neck. From that position, you couldn’t smell the alcohol - just the comforting, warm scent you came to know as “Mammon.” Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just stay there? you thought.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, “I should have talked to you. But instead I...”

“Shhhhhh, it’s ok. It’s ok,” he soothed, continuing to rub your back ever so affectionately. It was clear to him now that this massive dumpster fire that his life had become had all started from some small, seemingly innocuous incident. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and his was no exception. All the small moments when he could have done something to prevent things from spiraling out of control replayed in his mind with perfect clarity. So many chances that he ignored where he could have taken you aside and just said “thanks” or asked if you were ok. And he had just let them all pass him by, too scared to make a move.

“I’m sorry too. I should have talked to ya.” His response just made you hug him closer. How could you be mad at him when you did the exact same thing?

“...do you still want to leave me…?” You were hesitant to even ask, but...you had already wasted enough time not talking these last few weeks.

Mammon stiffened. He was not expecting you to ask him that. At least not in that voice. And especially not after he had admitted to being intimate with another. Of course he didn’t want to leave you. He never really wanted to in the first place; he had just backed himself into a corner and couldn’t figure a way out. And weren’t you supposed to be pushing him away now? The air had finally been cleared. There was no more reason for you to let him stay. He couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done, and he had no right to expect you to.

“...do ya want me to…?”

You sat up again, keeping your arms looped around Mammon’s neck. You knew why he was asking that question. And you had almost let yourself forget about it. But it was something that needed to be addressed and couldn’t be simply ignored, no matter how much you wanted it to.

“I think...this was like a perfect storm, you know? We did this to ourselves. I mean, even if you didn’t make that...mistake...I can’t act like I wasn’t responsible for hurting you in the first place. And if we had just talked…? I feel like none of this would have happened. So…” you wove your fingers into Mammon’s hair at the nape of his neck, before leaning your forehead against his and continuing, “I’d like to try again. And maybe not make the same mistakes twice?”

You opened your eyes to find him staring at you, and you offered him a small smile before pressing a kiss to the tip of nose. Mammon smiled at you in return, a light blush dusting his cheeks. How had he managed to get so lucky? You were...he didn’t even have a word for it. “Everything” didn’t seem like it was enough, his feelings about you were much stronger than that. All he knew for sure was that he couldn’t live without you.

“I love you,” you whispered, wrapping him up in yet another hug, “so much. And I’m sorry I didn’t make sure you knew that.”

Mammon hugged you tighter, hiding his face in your neck. He was so glad you were still here, that you hadn’t left. He had a second chance, and he was determined not to mess things up.

--------

This is just some tooth-rotting fluff to make you feel better after the main story. I didn’t feel like it belonged with the rest, so I’m adding it here as a little “extra”.

It had been a couple weeks now since you and Mammon had finally talked to one another. And things were going a lot better than you had expected. After your conversation, Mammon had gotten himself cleaned up, changing into a set of clean clothes he kept in your room, before crawling into bed beside you. The two of you then spent the rest of night, into the early hours of the morning, talking and whispering words of love to one another. There had been so much to catch up on, that you hadn’t been able to share while avoiding him. And it felt good to finally have your best friend and partner in crime back and talking with you again.

After that, you two were stuck together like glue, always touching one another in some way - a hand on the shoulder, pinkies linked together, legs resting against each other. You still felt a knot of anxiety sometimes when Mammon was slow to reply to a message, but both of you made a considerable amount of effort to draw closer to one another. And the results you felt spoke for themselves - everyone in the House of Lamentation got so sick of looking at the two of you, that Lucifer finally gifted you a voucher for a free meal at Ristorante Six just to allow the rest of them to have a peaceful dinner. Well, that’s what he told you at least. But you were fairly certain he had noticed how depressed you and Mammon had both been and wanted to give you something as a way to celebrate resolving...whatever it was.

As you walked home, Mammon swung your joined hands happily between the two of you, fingers laced together to get as much contact with you as possible. He was in such a good mood. To think a few short weeks ago he had been positive that he’d never get to enjoy a moment like this with you again. And now look at him. Laughing and smiling, with a big dopey grin that hadn’t left his face once. So happy that he didn’t even care how much his brothers tried to tease him.

And boy did they try, in a vain attempt to discourage the lovebirds from all their PDA.

It did not work.

In fact, it only made it worse.

Not that you were complaining.

Feel free to discuss in the comments! Do you agree with MC? Are you sympathetic towards Mammon? How would you have reacted differently? 

[painless-innit-colourful]

‘Two Down, One To Go’ - part 1

My biggest gripe with how late the three canon lives system was brought in is that the early deaths never got the weight they deserved in canon. So I fixed that. The night of L’Manberg’s independence is the biggest party any of them have ever attended, but Tommy’s not in a merry mood. Tubbo finds out why. Featuring a little headcanon about how a person knows how many lives they have left.

part two | part three

---

Night of Independence

“One, two, three, four, five-” His heart was racing, fingers tightening on the bowstring. There was a kind of dread in his heart like never before. Not only was Dream a better shot than him; he knew it. And to bet both the future of his country and one of his discs on his abilities…

“-six, seven, eight, nine-” His arms ached; his whole body ached. Bruises and scrapes and barely healed gashes littered his limbs from Eret’s betrayal. That b*stard. He snuck a glance at his fellows. They’d all lost so much today. All their things, a war, a country; not to mention a life apiece. Something had erupted inside of him when they’d woken back in the camarvan with a tally mark each: something red and explosive. And they returned his gaze, Tubbo and Fundy watching with bated breath. He couldn’t see Wilbur from the direction he was facing, but he imagined his expression was about the same. Fear, apprehension and just the smallest sliver of hope.

“-Ten paces fire!” And then it died, for the second time in twenty-four hours. As did Tommy.

The mood around the campfire was merry. Wilbur had poured them all drinks (watered down for everyone but him, especially Fundy) and was currently leading him and Tubbo in a half-drunk singalong of something that had started as the L’Manberg anthem, that had since devolved into innuendos about explosions and jokes about ‘independance’, though they kept in the parts with the names and the ‘it’s a very real and not blown up L’Manberg’. Tommy tried to have a good time, shouting “F*ck Eret!” every time that line came up, but the feeling was bittersweet. He slipped his hand inside his shirt and felt the tiny ridges. Two tallies. He hadn’t told the others yet. They’d given him enough pity when he’d told them how he’d traded away the discs. He didn’t need them fawning over him for this as well.

Unfortunately, it seemed he hadn’t been subtle enough. Tubbo sat down beside him, out of breath from dancing and grinning at Wilbur’s antics, and the first thing he laid his eyes on when he looked to Tommy was his hand inside his shirt. Tommy internally cursed himself and quickly removed it, but Tubbo had already latched onto the topic, “Feels weird doesn’t it?”

“Hm?” “The… Death mark.” A slight tremor passed over him, his eyes wandering down to where his own sat. The marks always showed just below a person’s collarbone, on the left side of the chest, close to the heart. “Maybe not weird but… I never expected to have one this- this early.” His words hung in the night air. They were both just kids, Fundy too, and they were all too close to a permanent death than they should be. But Tommy found some solace in how his friends had survived the war gaining only one. They were the lucky ones. Tommy had not only lost his most valued possessions but another life too. There was a line to death, and now Tommy walked along it, feet placed end to end like an acrobat tip-toeing a tightrope. Any moment now could be his last forever. It was unlikely he’d die right this second: he’d just secured peace for goodness’ sake, but what if? All it could take now was a stray arrow, a random attacker, a careless match finding an explosive in an untouched corner of L’Manberg, and that would be it for him. Gone.

Tubbo shuffled closer, “Tommy, are you okay man?” Drat. Once again, his face betrayed his feelings. He glanced around the partying men. Of all the people here, he trusted Tubbo the most, but mainly, the secret was starting to weigh him down worse than a full suit of netherite. He was tired of saying he was fine. Besides, it was Tubbo. His best friend, his brother. They’d been fighting together since the beginning: the Disc War, the Pet Wars and most of his other scuffles with citizens of the SMP, major and minor. He could trust Tubbo.

“Tubbo, I… Give me your hand.” One boy put his hand in the others’, and Tommy laid it on his chest, where they could both feel the lines representing a betrayal and a duel through the thin fabric of his shirt. Tubbo’s face changed from concern to horror to pity as he ran his fingers back and forth over the two ridges, checking, again and again, to verify what he couldn’t quite believe was true.

“You never said-” He started to say, but Tommy silenced him with a finger to his own lips hurriedly. “I didn’t want to worry anyone.” He sighed. “Or detract from the celebrations. I’m fine. It’s just a second mark.” Tubbo gave him a look halfway between disappointment and sympathy. “First of all, it’s not ‘just a second mark’ and second, you know that because I can see it on your face. It’s affecting you, dude.” Tommy looked away, closing his hand around Tubbo’s. “I don’t wanna think about it tonight, but I can’t-” He looked around at his four closest comrades. “I can’t stop running it over in my head, how much we’ve lost.” He gestured around them, at the land of their country torn apart, at the small patch of scorched grass they’d found sound enough to celebrate on. His eyes met Tubbo’s, creased with worry. “Five lives between us. Five.”

“Well… We’ve lost a lot, but we’ve also gained, y’know? What you did-” “How do you feel?” “Hm?” Tommy squeezed Tubbo’s hand. “How does it feel to be down a life?” “Don’t you remember?” He smiled faintly. “It was only this morning.” “I was a bit preoccupied, Tubbs.” They giggled half-heartedly. “True.” There was a moment of quiet broken only by the sounds of the party, and then; “I suppose I’m okay. I know I’m a bit closer to dying now, but I’ve still got another chance. So I can manage, I think.” “Do you feel more… mortal? Vulnerable?” Tommy’s voice was small. “Yeah. Like, I know what it’s like to die now- or, I know I can die. That it’s possible. I think that’s what it’s like for the others as well.”

Tubbo’s gaze drifted to look over at Wilbur, and Tommy’s soon followed. “Well, he seems fine.” The blonde remarked as Wilbur whirled past, drink in hand, a brown coat over his revolutionary uniform, adding more and more names from the crowd around them to the anthem as Fundy looked on, bemused. “I guess,” Tubbo shrugged. “He’s a bit older, so it’s less… jarring to be down one. Still not ideal, but not entirely unexpected.” “Well he’s certainly taking it well.” And at that Tubbo laughed. “He’s also quite drunk. So drunk he hasn’t noticed Fundy’s stopped watering his beers down.” That brought forth a small smile from Tommy. Tubbo continued: “He’s had time, y’know?” He paused, waiting for Tommy to look him in the eye. “When… When did you notice it?”

“After Dream took off with the discs. I finally came down from the adrenaline rush when I was alone in my house, just before I got back on comms to let you guys know. I felt it while I was taking off my armour. The tiniest little sting... And there it was.” He remembers standing alone in his house, examining both the duel scar and the extra mark in the grimy mirror he’d taken off the wall and leant on the floor. For a moment it was like the floor had gone out from beneath him again, but luckily this time it wasn’t an explosion. It hadn’t crossed his mind before then: all his brainpower had been in use, between worrying for his friends, discs, country and bow skills. The physical and mental pain of losing the duel had kept his mind off his own mortality as well, but there it was, staring him in the face, taunting him.

‘Two lives in less than twenty-four hours,’ it seemed to say (and he’d be omitting important details to not mention how it spoke in an American accent) ‘You won’t make it to twenty, or eighteen, or even your next birthday. Are you running out of time? Are you running out of time? Are you running out of ti-’

“What you did was incredibly brave and selfless.” Tubbo’s voice snapped him out of the memory of Death calling out to him, or maybe that was just him being melodramatic. “More like stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing.” “Well, Wilbur did tell you, he said ‘ohh Tommy, this country isn’t worth your life’.” “I wasn’t thinking.” “Well... I don’t care.” Tubbo squeezed his hand. “And maybe that’s a little selfish, but we’re free because of the trade you made, and maybe you’d never have pushed Dream to that point without the duel. I don’t know. But now we’re free. We’ve been beaten down by that tyrant for so long, but now we’re finally free.” He gave him a firm smile, “Yeah.” It was hard not to get swept up in Tubbo’s good moods, so Tommy reached for his drink. “Cheers. To L’Manberg!” “L’Manberg!” Tubbo knocked his tankard into Tommy’s and they both took a long drink. Wilbur overheard them and knocked Fundy’s drink out of his hands in his tipsy enthusiasm, and then there was another round of My L’Manberg. And as Tommy listened to the growing, rowdy chorus of his country, he let go of his fears for a while. Maybe they’d never leave him for the rest of his life, but for right now, they had their walls, their drinks and their song.

And as long as there were more crosses on the flag than lines on his tally, he’d be fine.

---

Taglist: @nixavia @zrenia (Please let me know if you’d like to be on the taglist in future :)

[nightswithkookmin]

Hii, me again. 😅

Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??

Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?

What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.

Don't be like that😒

You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...

Doing what exactly in that relationship??

Is JK cockholding? What's going on.

KWENCHANAYO?!

You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???

Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.

Like make it make sense to me please😭

After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??

You are bold, I'll give you that.

Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀

Someone get her before I snap their neck💀

For the last time-

NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺

GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺

If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.

Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.

He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.

Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?

Did you see RMs reaction too?

He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.

Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.

V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.

Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.

It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.

Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.

Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.

Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.

He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.

'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.

It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.

It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧

It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.

He needs to free Jimin.

Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧

Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.

He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.

Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺

I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.

It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.

Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.

It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟

What the actual hell JK😭

Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺

On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺

Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I need a refund😭😭😭😭

Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥

Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭

You share it😥

Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me

You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟

I rebuke it in Jesus name!

Someone beam me up.

You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.

I don't have time for this shit.

SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!

If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.

Watch their Be self interview on yt too.

He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.

That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.

Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.

Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.

He could have repurposed this or something.

When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.

I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.

V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.

I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.

I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭

Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.

What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥

Thats what makes this very hard for me.

The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.

But the PJM in me just😕

I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭

I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧

I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.

Then here comes his boyfriend

'Hold up what about me!' Lol.

Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀

Imagine that.

This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.

Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.

But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.

To me anyways😏

I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .

Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.

I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.

I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.

He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!

More of this please. Thank you.

PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Has me in my feels about this.

I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.

'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'

'Army will love it'

'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'

'Goldy who now?'

'What about the thirteen year old fans-'

'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'

Lmho.

I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...

May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥

Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒

Like we are all 'reading' these mens!

There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.

Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹

I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?

But damn I did not see this one coming.

This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.

Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.

This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.

Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.

Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.

Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.

Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.

With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...

In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.

All this is interesting to me.

Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?

I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.

Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.

Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.

How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.

That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.

And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.

Jikook don't compete against eachother.

I keep saying this.

Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?

Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?

'Jikook don't play by the rules'

Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.

And in so doing, he lost to JK.

Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.

Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?

When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.

I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.

I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?

Anywho chilee we will never know.

At ease.

Signed,

GOLDY

[cyberdva]

take me home- b.c.

Summary: Staying with Stray Kids over the holidays via the first-hand invitation from Chan sounded like the perfect vision. When New Years’ roles around tension grew, in the coming days you’d have to leave and someone needed to confess the secret scratching at his core for years on end. With a little plan from your best friend’s bandmates, this new year would be one to remember forever.

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of Anxiety, and a Makeout Scene

Word Count: 2.3k

Stray Kids Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: (Gender Neutral Reader!!)  hey everyone! it’s sort of a tradition for me to write a short little fic for new years. this time i chose to write about chan since he’s turned my life around and brought so much positive change into my life. i’m forever grateful to him and stray kids. thank you for reading all of my sappy drama. life is going to get better!

Being away from the same place you’d called home for the past who knows long felt strange. Don’t get me wrong, it was a major relief to be able to roam around a different area after the entire world was basically held captive in their own minds for the better. Having a second family in the form of an idol group, led by the most talented person you could think of, gave an excuse to seek refuge in their dorms, but this time they nearly begged for your presence for just a few days. Listening to Felix and Seungmin plead over the phone, ironic desperation laced in their tone, for a month and a half took a white flag waving on your behalf. Putting eight celebrities, and countless others, in the possibility of danger was the glue holding you back. Nights of pondering aimlessly always led to the same conclusion. Staying and going was a bitter conflict. Flabbergasted by all the trouble you got yourself into, the thought of leaving was a knee-jerk reaction. Either Felix and Seungmin got their way or the other way around, and if an agreement couldn’t be reached a full-on melancholy would forge in its place.

“Y/N…” Chan’s voice faded in and out with vigor, a perfect speech was freshly prepped in his mind wanting nothing but to have you here with him next week, “I have a question. You have to listen to the whole thing until you answer, okay?” His teeth grazed a chunk of flesh dragging in backwards in anticipation. 

“I’ll come visit.” There was a cold breeze, lacing the darkness with foreign excitement, a feeling you had last had back in freshman year when Chris came home to visit you  Training was the main priority for him, his young mind opened up the new group his company yearned to produce. Either lead a normal childhood or give the future its star-studded path. It hurt to see him go, more than anything had before, but when your bedroom door slowly creaked open it was worth the wait. Chan still remembers how you hugged him, tightly with so much emotion, it made him come to terms with the feeling brewing in his own mind. Truly cliché, but the way butterflies bubbled in his stomach and hands shook like leaves on a palm tree stuck in a brawny gust gave him desires which laid discrete too prolonged. Your response ignited that same lust, Chan’s voice hitched in between the words collapsing from his delicate lips. It brought a stunted tint to your cheeks, a rare occurrence in general. 

The man’s eyes fluttered in amazement, “Y-You’re serious, not joking right?” Fingertips grazed the dew buttons nearing the edge of his phone, mimicking his posture at the moment.

“Do I not sound serious?” A puff of humor fell from your mouth, “Just make sure I don’t regret it, I’ll text you tomorrow Chrissy.” Left in his own bewilderment, it only had now begun to register the weight of the situation. His only lover, one-sided in his wit, of a near lifetime, was coming just for him, and his annoying ‘children.’ 

“I fucking hate that nickname.” 

“Are you even old enough to have alcohol?” Buzzing with anticipation, the young woman dashed past an elated Minho forcefully dancing with Hyunjin, who looked about to pass out from drained practice from earlier on. Your hands clutched onto a champagne bottle, it still has a hint of frost to the touch. Jeongin flashed her a pout and gave swift retaliation, “It’s not for me! Hannie told me to open it for all of us!” His long fingers snatched it right back into his possession. 

Changbin laid motionless on the couch, "It’s five minutes until midnight! Seungmin could you go grab Chan, I have no clue where he is.” A nod came from the other man, his footsteps faded in a quick manner. The aura swelled cheer through every inch of your body, it has been so long since you’d last experienced such an amazing weekend with the ardent people. Something did feel off, and everyone noticed. Chan just wasn’t as sociable, his time was mostly spent scrambling on his phone or just in utter silence. 

An abnormal amount of time passed and Seungmin was nowhere to be found. Your legs cracked a bit as you stood up, your mission was to now find that man-child if it was the last thing you did. Nerves jittered across your arms and wrists, it lingered in the small crevasses between tight joints. You were in love with Christopher Bang and this moment was the same as any other with him, but that sentence never fully processed in your mind. Instead doubts about confessions replayed constantly, it was an anxiety pressed down to the base of your concerns, yet it still bobbed for attention every now and again. 

“You alright?” Placing your body against the hard doorframe of Chan’s room wasn’t the brightest idea. A hard chunk of metal pressed directly into your thigh making this conversation more awkward to begin with. Chris was at a small wooden desk, still working his creativity to death, even during a celebration. His large, slick headphones fortunately didn’t block out the sound of your tender voice. It came as a surprise to him, normally Chan wasn’t this jumpy. Even a small amount of embarrassment tainted the normally confident persona of himself. He quickly spun around and tilted his head in recognition, silently motioning you to speak. 

Moving from the uncomfortable stance you continued, "You’ve been acting really weird lately. You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ll always be here for you no matter what.” Scanning his face for any reaction probably made things a bit worse, his posture caved in on itself and you couldn’t help feeling bad for possibly brining up something he clearly didn’t want to talk about. For the one moment he looked up at you it brought pang of guilt over your chest. 

A sigh escaped you unconsciously, “Sorry if I made you upset or anything, I’ll let you work some more, but at least get some rest later.” Chan shook his hands in retaliation as you spoke, slowly getting up from his seat as he did.

“I don’t know how to say this,” his eyes darted every which way except for you, “I should’ve told you a lot earlier and I regret not doing that and shit, but just listen to me.” You slowly bobbed your head up in down in a confused likeness. He radiated uneasiness in an odd, eager way. The silence between each sentence ate away at your mind. 

He reached out for your wrist, slowly moving it up waiting for consent, “Y/N, we’ve known each other for a really long time and ever since second grade I’ve…” he stopped. Now your agitation grew, what was he even talking about? His breathing staggered, “I’ve had like the biggest crush on you.” Did I just hear that right? A wave of panic took control over the two of you.Still yet to response, and react fot that matter, to what Chan said it made him start to plung into some sort of hysteria. 

Finally words pieced themselves together, “You’re in love with me?” He nodded, “Why didn’t you say anything.” When Chris would say he was shy you never thought it was to that extent. Imagining how hard that must’ve been to conceal wasn’t that difficult, your feeling for the man definitely were the exact same. Back in high school all your friends would be graced to hear your stories about how Chan is so hot, how much you miss him, how you’re going to marry him, and more and more. It was tough to never see him in person, it stung when you would call him in the rare date he was allowed to. 

“I like you too, ever since first grade for me.” His spirit turned into the complete opposite of before, now with a crimson shade of disbelief painted across his lug, “Your ears are red.” You laughed, his hands reached to tuck his hair back over the spectacle. 

“What do we do now?” The question floated in the air with the intensity of the conversation peeling away. Neither adult fully understood what was happening. The importance of their relationship crumbled away with small banter and painful jokes.

A bright idea formulated in your mind, “We could kiss.” Chris blankly took in what you said and graced a devious smile, “I like that idea.” Chan grabbed your waist and snatched you closer to his body, which was strangely warm. Not like you were complaining. Brushing a few obscure hairs away from your face he peered extensively at your stunning features, taking them all in. It wasn't long until Chan smashed his lips into your own and you eagerly returned the kiss.

For the next few minutes the two were engulfed in a kiss, making the whole room sway and trip over its own feet. Your grip on him became tighter and you locked your fingers together at his back, making sure you wouldn't lose him. After a few more minutes Chan began to push his lips to your neck, making sure to explore every inch of your skin with his tongue. You giggled and clutched him closer. Your lips caressed his chin and his neck, kissing every inch of them and playing with his eyelashes. Chan opened his mouth to kiss your neck but you put a finger on his lips, but he kept going. You heard footsteps coming closer even with the small noises coming from the older one. 

“I found him…” Seungmin walked right through the open door and adjusted to the scene in front of him, “Ew!” his face contorted into a disgusted look, “I found Y/N too.” Now that your expected make out session was confirmed, the rest of the boys peaked down the hallway with oddly happy faces. Chan was beet-red and began muttering quick apologies under his breath. Adorning a beaming smile you took his hand and guided Chan back to the rest of the group, “You talk too much, but that’s why I love you.” 

“Love me? Well, um I love you too.. I have for a really long time.” Your heart swelled from his cumbersome behavior, he really never changed much from his youth. With that said your cheeks flushed and a broad smile spread across your face, as your entire body flushed from head to toe. The boy had a way of making your cheeks do a very special kind of glow. With only a minute and a half on the clock it was awfully laid back. Normally people go all out on New Years, but everyone just wanted this one to end as quickly as possible. Spaced away from his large crew you noticed that there was a rather large difference in Chan’s mind and the way he acted. In front of his members there was a much more dominant manner to his actions. He really cared about them, luck was the only way to describe how you felt about knowing him so personally. 

Felix was the most thrilled of the bunch, "Twenty seconds left!” He bounced up and down with his grin growing wider than before. Whenever Felix was around the atmosphere automatically lit up. He just has that special feeling to him. While you flashed backed into your mind thinking about random anomalies Chan was gazing at you with piercing eyes and when you threw a glance back at him, he stayed still. Out of the blue, grabbing your hands and holding it tight.

“Ten!” This didn’t feel wrong, nor right, never in a million years did you think your childhood best friend would keep the same feelings for you tucked away. Trying to fill that void with one night stands, relationships that never ended well, and even distancing yourself from Chris wasn’t ever the answer you thought it was.

“Nine!” He was hidden in plain sight, could you be labeled the fool in all of this? Really Chris could too, it took so long to face the truth.”

“Eight!” Putting his career on the line is the next discussion, if fans or media found out about the two of you his contract could be terminated. The hate he faces already is too much, you would never want to hurt him.

“Seven!” The harmonic combination of everyone’s chants was relaxing, calming the storm of thousands of ‘What if..’ questions piling from your brain.

“Can I kiss you?” Chris was now right by your ear, burning straight into your sight. You jerked your body back in reflex, not expecting him to be so close.

“Six!” 

“What do you mean?” It was obvious, your mind felt as if it was short circuiting. This was not the first idea that popped into your head when you decided to come visit.

“Five!”

“Yes or no, hurry up.” From the tone of his voice you could tell he was dead serious. Time was running out.

“Four! Three!”

“Uh sure..” You swore a small sparkle in his eyes glistened at the response, his entire face lighting up. 

“Two!” Chris leaned closer, grabbing your chin delicately. His finger stroked the sides of your chin as his lips filled the gap and connected with yours. His lips were firm but soft and somehow you felt safe in his embrace. The kiss was soft and feather light. It lasted for maybe a couple of seconds before Chris pulled back. Your lips were still slightly swollen and her lips felt like they were on fire. You breathed slowly and opened your eyes to find him gazing at you.

"That was... good," you said a bit dazed.

He gave you a half-grin. "You're a natural." Your face broke out into a full smile still trying to wrap your head around all of this. 

“Do you mind?” Did everyone see that? Slowly your head turned to face the apparent audience all giving different reactions.”

“Minho, why don’t you kiss me like that?”

“Shut up Jisung.” Maybe this year won’t be so bad after all. 

-

-

-

“One day i’m going to marry you!”

“Chris were only like twelve, you’re going to find someone a lot better one day.”

“I don’t think i’ll ever find anyone as perfect as you.”

“Stop it!”

“I’m serious! I love you Y/N! Forever!”

“Love you too Chrissy, hurry up before we’re late for your swim practice!”

cyberdva 2021

[lonelyandlovelorn]

Three Times Steve Rogers is Wrong

A/N: Heyyyy... I know it’s been ages, but it’s been a rough stretch. I’m not going to promise regular stories again, but this has been sitting in a folder on my computer for a while, so I figured I’d post it. I hope you are all staying safe right now. This is real short and sweet but I just kept picturing Natasha Romanoff in love and this happened. I’m sorry it’s almost no dialogue. 

Genre: fluff

Warning: minor swearing

Word count: 1100

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem reader

Summary: The development and concerns of your relationship as seen through the eyes of Steve Rogers. 

Masterlist

Steve had felt protective over you since the moment you joined the team. You were sweet and kind, but also very obviously innocent and naive. This wasn’t a problem, per se, but it definitely had him on guard when people were near you. 

When you first arrived, Steve's biggest worry was someone like Sam or Thor trying to flirt with you, but you had made it pretty obvious from the beginning you didn’t swing for their team, and they respected that. He relaxed a little when he realized that you weren’t going to be getting into anything romantic with anyone. 

Except, Steve Rogers just needs proving wrong sometimes, doesn’t he? 

You were on the young side, though you weren’t too far off from your team, in your late twenties. You were pretty comfortable with your sexuality and being open about it, it certainly wasn’t a secret to the rest of the team. There was a big pride flag on your wall and you made a passing comment here or there. Although, it had taken Steve paying some attention to realize what you meant when you commented on a woman’s attractiveness. At first, he just thought you were a really positive person, but he figured it out pretty quickly once Sam and Bucky stopped laughing at him. 

Still, you were young, practically the team’s baby, so Steve thought you were safe. And then at a party one night, he saw Natasha speaking to you. Having been at the receiving end, Steve knew what her flirting looked like from a mile away, and she was laying it on thick. She was leaned over the table, her strategically placed arms and low-cut dress giving you quite a show. You were obviously flustered, but not uncomfortable, so Steve didn’t feel he had any right to step in. He still kept an eye on you both the rest of the night. 

After that, he noticed it more and more. Natasha would often speak to you in low tones that everyone but Steve and Bucky would be oblivious to. She would softly flirt with you until you were glowing with blush, red in the face but seemingly enjoying it. Bucky and Steve often met eyes when they heard Nat’s passing comments, eyebrows going up and communicating silently as only long-time best friends can. She obviously flustered you, but you didn’t seem to mind the attention. 

Obviously, Steve trusted Natasha with his life, but that wasn’t the same as trusting her with your heart. From the way you cried watching How to Train Your Dragon 2, it was obvious you were sensitive. His fear was one of you getting hurt and you being the one left damaged. 

--

“You looked great on the mat today.” It was a comment that to anyone else would have sounded like a compliment on skill, but sent a pretty blush coloring your cheeks. It could have still come across that way if you hadn’t spent the majority of training pinned under her. Steve was well aware of that, even if your expression hadn’t given you away. 

For the first time though, something unexpected happened. You flirted back. “Maybe you’ll have to show me some more tricks some time so you can look as great as I did.” Steve was floored.

Your usual response to her flirtations was stammering and half-formed sentences. You were normally too flustered to make any attempt at returning the favor. This time, however, you painted a smirk on your face even as your cheeks burned, dishing it back. 

Steve was sure that you two were the only two who might have noticed the twinkle in Nat’s eye and the light dusting of pink high in her cheeks. She could have passed it off as exertion to anyone else. The small smile she sent you though confirmed that she had appreciated the effort. 

--

Steve still worried. He worried for both of you. Would it be worse if you flirted endlessly but ended up with other people or if you ended up together, only to maybe break up later? He was scared that Natasha would push too far and you would be too sweet to do anything but let her. He worried Natasha wasn’t being as careful with your feelings as she should be. 

Once again, Steve Rogers lives to be proven wrong. 

The mission had been tough. All in all, the team had been successful, but there had still been casualties. The worst of which happened on your watch while you were powerless to stop it. It was obvious you were taking it pretty hard. 

Steve was gearing himself up to take the seat next to you and talk you through it when a certain redhead did it first. She spoke so softly that even Steve couldn’t seem to hear her over the quinjet. Whatever she said seemed to calm you down, as you visibly stopped spiralling inside your own head. With a few more soft-spoken words, Nat gently grabbed your hand as you leaned your head on her shoulder. You weren’t perfectly fine, but you were better than Steve could have ever made you. 

So obviously, Natasha knew how to handle you gently. She was careful and attentive the rest of the evening, caring for you while ignoring her teammates’ looks. And Steve was grateful for that, even if he couldn’t shut off the Worried Dad mode. 

--

You were dating now. There was no big announcement, but you walked into breakfast together one morning, holding hands, and that was that. You sat close together on the couch, sometimes with your head in her lap. The whole team could see you were in love.

Well, the team could see that you were in love. With Natasha, it was hard to gauge, and Steve was concerned once more.

What if Natasha didn’t love you the same way? What if it wasn’t as much, as important to her? Would she hurt you?

Steve only lasted three days before Natasha showed him how wrong he was to worry, and she didn’t even do it on purpose. The team was eating dinner as you spoke excitedly to Wanda and Sam about utter nonsense. You were gesturing wildly, talking through bites of dinner, and generally looking like an idiot. As had become habit, Steve’s eyes drifted from you to Natasha. 

There was a smile on her face that he had never seen before. The best word for it was dopey, it was the kind of smile you saw on someone utterly in love. Steve was sure he had looked at Peggy the exact same way as she kicked some sorry man’s ass. The moment he saw that smile on her face, Steve realized you were in good hands. 

[mrvdocks]

Nightcall P.1

Request/Summary: Kurt is obsessive over a model and kidnaps her, taking her along for the ride of the night. 

After

The flurry of phones ringing off the hook and background noise felt foreign to you, it was just a buzzing in your ear. You pulled the safety blanket around you closer, grabbing it in fistfuls. You don’t know how long you’ve been here, but it feels like hours. The fluorescent in the room probably only made you look even worse for wear than you were hours before, but it didn’t matter now. In a span of 24 hours, your life had changed. 

The guarded door opened and an officer pulled up a chair in front of you, dropping photos of the gruesome scene you’d seen firsthand. She slides the photos closer, her thumb obscuring the killer’s face. You didn’t need to see it a second time.

“You were found in the residence of Mr. Kunkle, with one Jessie Adams and a John Doe, who seems to have been the victim of Mr. Kunkle’s spree amongst others.”

Even his name brings chills down your spine. 

“I already told the police everything.” You say groggily, your throat still sore from the whole ordeal.

“Yes, but there seems to be some doubt on your partnership with Mr. Kunkle. Footage, eyewitness accounts,” she’s studying you no doubt. Any sort of tick or movement you made without thought that could somehow lead her to think you were lying about anything you had explained earlier. 

“What was your relationship with Mr. Kunkle?” She pries, bringing multiple photos of Kurt to be splayed out in front of you. Some good, some bad, some….disturbing. 

“I - none. He just knew me through the socials.” 

“And you were also the target of his mania.” There’s something unsettling in how much she’s liking interrogating you. You ignore it. 

“You think it’s my fault he did this.” 

It was not your fault. None of this was. Kurt was just too power hungry. Maybe you were too trusting. You didn’t want to see Kurt for what he really was until it was too late. 

“I’m not saying it’s your fault, but your compliance does seem suspicious.”

“I-I didn’t know him very well. He was just my Spree driver for a day. But he was always nice to me.”

“He was also your kidnapper.”

“Like I said, he was a nice guy.” Your voice breaks. 

They’re all nice guys until they aren’t. 

“And you didn’t think to call the authorities when you were alone? Were you helping him lure these people?”

You can feel her eyes burning into you. 

“I’m not stupid,” you cry. “I know how this sounds. But I’m telling you, he gave me a ride and then he - all of this. Oh God.” 

You bring your shaky hands to run through your worn and tired face, specks of dried blood still prominent even through many washes with soap. It’s another way Kurt managed to stay with you. 

“Let’s start at the beginning,” she sits back with her arms folded. “And spare no detail.”

Before

He scrolls through your feed for the millionth time today.

Photos of you on your daily walks, exploring hidden LA gems, posting places you were shooting at, people you were hanging out with, all at the touch of a button for him. The bell notification alerts him, telling him that you’ve posted. He taps the screen in the blink of an eye, meeting your face as you giggle about falling while skating. 

You pout as you show the damage, remarking that it was lucky you weren’t shooting that day otherwise you would’ve had to cover up on such a hot day. 

In a vain industry, you try to keep yourself humble and that’s what he loves about you. Though he’s never met you, he thinks you could live up to the image he’s created of you. One that matches your optimistic and humorous one. 

He re watches your story, pausing at random moments where he screenshots and saves to his photos. His home screen is a shot of you in black and white, seemingly topless from chest down and looking back with an enticing smile. He loves the way your hair frames your face, the way pieces of it were meticulously picked out to give it a sort of messy look.

You could make anything look good, he thinks.

Bobby gives him a hard time about you, bragging about how he knows you and that although you’re more well known than he is, you are the one who should be grateful for his exposure.

Kurt thinks it’s bullshit but he wouldn’t be surprised if it were true, maybe you’d come around to meet him one day.

The vibration of a text brings him out of his daze, seeing Bobby’s name in big bold letters. 

He can’t believe his eyes when he opens the text. It’s an off guard video of you behind Bobby, giggling at something on your phone before noticing that he’s recording and flashing a cheeky smile and a peace sign.

“Found your girlfriend.” Bobby mocks before erupting into hysterical laughter.

Kurt replays it until his phone dies, Bobby’s words echoing in his head.

An idea pops into his head, it would be difficult if he didn’t know your exact routine but thanks to your fan accounts and the power of gossip blogs, it’s a definite success. 

He calls Bobby immediately, hearing him and his entourage in the background as they talked about a video idea. 

“What do you want, Kurt? I’m busy right now.” His annoyance is clear but Kurt is way too focused on you to notice.

“I need a favor.”

It’s amazing what the internet contains about a person. It’s also quite terrifying. Through just a few minutes of research, he’s found out your schedule along with where you went to school, where you live and your closest friends. 

In a photo Bobby had taken, the location of the next shoot you had taking place somewhere was barely visible.

He connects the dots, thinking about how your involvement could help him get  #TheLesson out and make him a household name. 

And it’s exactly what he does the day of. He parks near your neighborhood, foot bouncing and anxiously looking at his phone. He declines the others in hopes of finding you according to the schedule. You almost never use your real name on anything when going out but he recognizes your fake name and location, he puts the car into drive and talks himself up. 

He parks across the street, giving him a better view of you.  

His heart skitters when he sees you look in his direction, your brows quirk up as you give him an easy smile and cross carefully. 

You stop and bend to meet him at the passenger window, “Kurt, right?”

His name coming out of your mouth is something he’s dreamed of since he first saw you. He almost pinches himself to know if this is real. 

He knows he’s grinning like an idiot because you laugh at his speechlessness. 

“Sorry,” he motions to the backseat, “Hop in!” 

“I take it you know who I am.” 

You’re not oblivious to your recognition, but with some guys it was just always a hit or miss. They either wanted you to take your top off or asked for some weird things.

“Are you kidding? I’m like your biggest fan.” He beams, going back on the road. 

You’re not good at accepting compliments, so all you can manage is a shy smile and a, “Thanks!”

You notice his set up of cameras and ask him about it, to which he says they’re just for protection. Throughout the ride you learn more about him, particularly that he was going something the next day called The Lesson. He had a very particular view about this digital world you both lived in, talking about these odd jobs he’d been doing along with trying to build up his following. In between talking about himself, he mentions Bobby and the events of last night from the video. 

“Oh right, Bobby.” You roll your eyes at the mention of his name. 

Bobby was a pain in your ass sometimes, acting all high and mighty all the time and just like he was the overall shit. 

“Yeah he’s alright. He could just tone it down a little.”

“Oh yeah - definitely, he was the same when he was a kid. Just pure chaotic energy.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

In between other conversations, Kurt brought back the spotlight to you, asking you about different people you hung out with. It was pleasant conversation, you felt like you were talking to an old friend and letting off some steam. The red flags hadn’t gone off just yet. 

To let loose and make you live a little, Kurt races past a red light and nearly misses being in a collision. 

It startles you but he assures you there’s no danger. 

“You trust me right?” He asks, glancing back to you.

“I mean, yeah.” 

The confirmation is validation to him. It’s all he needed to begin.

He picks up another passenger, an older man who definitely did not hide the way he was staring at your body. You’re thankful for sitting a little father from him but when Kurt initiates conversation with him, everything goes downhill.

“I know you from somewhere.” The man points out, his obvious staring makes you cringe as you stay silent.

“You’re that model, I’ve seen your stuff around Westwood. Bangin’ body.”

You can feel the anger in your chest rise as Kurt finally notices.

“What’s going on?” He glances to the back, meeting your shifting eyes.

The man ignores him. “Sweetheart when someone compliments you, the nice thing to do is smile.”

That did it.

“Excuse me? I don’t owe you shit!” You grit.

“Whoa! Whoa! Sir you can’t be saying that anymore.” Kurt changes lanes, ready to stop if the situation gets worse.

“She should be proud she doesn’t look like her people. All of ‘em just fat and lazy.”

“Excuse me?! My people?” You���re sure you don’t look the least bit intimidating but it doesn’t matter. You were willing to kick this man’s ass if need be.

Kurt pulls off the the side of the road, “Alright, get out.” 

“What? No, I paid for this ride fair and square. I’m not leaving for shit. I can say what I want.” He says adamantly.

“Sir if you make those comments again I’m going to have to cancel the Spree.”

Something clicks in Kurt’s head as he remembers the water bottles. 

He motions for you to take the passenger seat which you do without much hesitation. 

Kurt waits a minute before merging again, glancing at the man every so often and taking more desolate streets. You don’t notice the absence of cars and you definitely don’t notice when the man takes a bottle and practically chugs it. 

Kurt smirks as he slows down. “Hey maybe you should let them know you’re not going to make it.”

Confused, you glance at Kurt and then at the man who’s now starting to grab at his throat and coughing violently.  

Your eyes widen as you attempt to get Kurt to stop the car but he doesn’t move, instead he keeps his eyes trained on the road.

“Kurt, stop the car.”

The man’s coughs get worse by the second and he turns a very bright red. 

“Kurt! Stop the car!” 

You’re frozen, helpless to watch the man as he tries to grab at Kurt from behind but coughs up blood and passes out in the backseat. You slink back in your seat, utterly terrified of what just happened. 

Adrenaline and fear course through you. You side eye Kurt who is not as affected by this as you are as he merely readjusts his camera. 

You begin to hyperventilate and try the passenger door. When it doesn’t budge you shut your eyes and cry.

“I won’t say anything. I won’t I promise. I promise, Kurt. Please.”

Kurt sighs as he retrieves a piece of cloth from his pocket. Your eyes widen as he comes close and pins you in your seat and smothers you with the cloth. You struggle under him, pushing against his chest to no avail. 

The smell of the chloroform inundates your senses and in a matter of seconds you feel your eyes roll back and everything go black. 

Once you’re knocked out, Kurt takes both your phone and the other passengers to knock suspicion off of him. He has plans for the racist prick in the back, but for you, he has much bigger plans.

[shoutosteakettle]

⤷ pairing: shouto x reader x katsuki

⤷ genre: angst

⤷ word count: 2062

⤷ warnings: love triangle, and just bad writing on general my bad

⤷ a/n: gonna post this right now because the more and more i look at the more and more i hate it. thank you @ererokii​ for being my best hype woman, beta-reading, and for making banner at this point half of everything on my blog is here because of her so you guys say thank you too

☆彡

“Love is such a fickle thing, y’ know?”

“How do you mean,” Shouto asked, his legs rested on your bed, his arse sat atop the floor of your Yuuei dorm, and his head slightly cocked to the side.

“One day I’m head over heels for a person, but then the next, I can barely stand the sight of them,” you sighed, sitting up from your spot on your bed.

“Well, my love for you is one thing that I’ll always be sure of,” Shouto said, looking up from his phone, his eyes meeting yours.

“Awww, Shou, I love you too,” you cooed, reaching down to ruffle his silky soft hair.

This was the platonic prison that Shouto Todoroki was trapped in. In the deepest depths of the friend zone in which he resided, and as hard as he tried to climb his way out, every attempt ended with his pride wounded and part of his heart broken.

“Maybe I should finally tell Katsuki how I feel about him,” you suggested, turning to your best friend for some of his more than well-known advice.

“Y/n, I’m all for whatever makes you happiest,” if happiest means being with me, was the part of that sentence he left out.

You looked over to the alarm clock on your desk, reading the big bright numbers that started back at you, “Jeez, it’s already twelve? Maybe you should head back to your room, it’s getting kinda late, and we don’t want Aizawa-Sensei getting his panties in a twist.”

“Yeah,” Shouto chuckled, gathering his things before standing up and walking over to the bedroom door. “Goodnight, Y/n. Sleep well, okay.”

You watched as Shouto slipped out of your room and into the hallway, and you could tell that he wanted to say something more. He always seemed so worried about your well-being, but that’s what ‘besties’ are supposed to do right...? You did your usual rounds of checking your socials and double-checking your alarm before finally turning off your phone and closing your eyes, more than ready to drift off into dreamland.

Across the dorms, Shouto was making an impromptu visit to Katsuki’s bedroom. He stood in front of his door, debating whether or not having the conversation he was thinking of was worth it. Shouto brought his hand up, bringing his fingers to the middle of his palm before striking the door once, then twice, and lastly, a third time.

From outside the room, Shouto could hear the shifting around, and angry grumbling coming from inside. When the door opened, Shouto was met with a particularly annoyed set of red eyes. “What the fuck do you want,” Katsuki asked through a yawn, resting one arm on the doorway, awaiting an answer from the half and half bastard in front of him.

“I was hoping that we could talk,” Shouto said, waiting for an invitation into the blonde’s room. Bakugou moved his arm from its relaxed spot on the doorframe, turning around to walk into his bedroom, signaling for Shouto to follow behind him.

Shouto closed the door behind him and watched as Katsuki turned on the lamp on his desk, finally letting some light into the otherwise dark bedroom, before taking a seat on his bed. Standing in front of him, dressed in his- well, your favorite pair of his pajamas, a button-up cotton top, and matching bottoms decked head to toe in multi-colored snowflakes, Shouto was finally ready to have what would prove to one of the hardest conversations of his life.

“Don’t just stand there looking like an idiot. You came here to talk about something, right? So talk,” Katsuki asked, more than ready to go back to sleep.

“I know how you feel about Y/n,” Shouto began, watching as the sleep fell from Katsuki’s face, “And I feel the same way about her. She’s planning to confess to you tomorrow, and I need you to reject her.” There was a moment of silence that couldn’t have lasted longer than a couple of seconds, but to Shouto, it felt like an eternity, and in that eternity, he could feel his whole coming crashing down around him. Three years of pining couldn’t go unrequited, he wouldn’t let that happen, and especially not because of Katsuki Bakugou.

“Why in the fuck would I do that,” Katsuki smirked, this was his chance. Katsuki had fallen in love with you the very second that you stepped foot into Yuuei High School, and three years he’s tried his best to keep his feelings to himself, in fear of losing the relationship that the two of you had built. The grin on Katsuki’s face grew wider and wider with every thought of you being his.

“Please, Bakugou,” Shouto knew his position in all of this. For three years, he watched from the outside as you fell more and more in love with Katsuki, and you, him. And every day, Shouto hated the both of you a little more. They say the line between love and hate is a fine one, and to be honest, Shouto couldn’t tell the difference between the two emotions anymore, but what he did know was that if you were going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it was going to be him.

“If Y/n wants to be with me, who am I to stop her,” Katsuki asked, standing up from his bed one last time, once again making his way to his bedroom door holding it open for the now unwelcome pest who was invading his home and preventing his beauty rest, “I’ll sleep on it.”

With that, Shouto saw himself out of Katsuki’s bedroom. When Shouto had finally made it back to his own dorm, the first thing he did was flop onto his mattress, thinking about the choices that would have to be made tomorrow. Now that his hand was being forced, Shouto had no choice but to be the one to claim you first.

ミ☆

The sound of birds chirping outside your window, followed by your alarm, meant that it was the start of your day. You went about your usual schedule, brushing your teeth, washing your face, and taking a shower before you made your rounds back to your bedroom so you could get dressed and look presentable for your classes. You grabbed your backpack off your desk chair and took your phone off its charger and slipped it into your skirt’s pocket before double-checking that you didn’t forget about anything and leaving your room.

As soon as you turned the corner, your face was met with a familiar broad chest. After removing your nose from in between his pecs, you looked upland greeted the red and white man with one your trademark smiles, “Good morning Shou!”

“Good morning, Y/n. How did you sleep,” Shouto asked, going about his usual ways of checking up on you.

“I have a better question, what are you doing on the girl’s side of the dorms mister,” you asked, scolding him in a playful tone, “Is it possible that the Shouto Todoroki could be a peeping tom?!”

“Maybe. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Y/n,” Shouto joked back, but his tone didn’t exactly match the vibe. “Speaking of things you don’t know, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What’s up? You know you can tell me anything right,” you reassured him, running your hand up and down his arm to double down on your words.

“I know how you feel about Bakugou, but I can’t let you confess your feeling to him without letting you know how I feel,” all it took was that one sentence for everything to begin making sense; the double-takes he would make when you would walk down the halls, the emotion you couldn’t quite put a finger on when he would worry for you, but what should’ve been the biggest red flag was how sincere each and every ‘I love you’ that left his mouth sounded. How could you have been this dense? “Y/n, I’ve been in love with you ever since our first year here at Yuuei, and I need you to know that Bakugou isn’t the one for you because the only person capable of loving you as much as you deserve to be loved is me.”

The emotions stirring in your heart were too much to handle at once, of course you loved Shou, how the fuck could you not. Since day one, he had put you under his spell, and you’d been secretly pininng after him ever since, but you were never bold enough to be honest about how you felt. You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt a calloused thumb begin to wipe away the tears streaming down your face. Without thinking twice, you grabbed Shou by his tie, bringing him closer and closing the gap between the two of you, “I love you too, dummy.” You felt his lips brush against yours before he leaned in even closer, deepening the kiss between you two.

On the walk from your dorms to your school, you and Shou shared your stories about how and when you fell in love with each other, and for a while, things seemed like they would be okay.

Classes seemed to be going by quicker than normal, which was always a good thing. You tried your best to pay attention to the lessons, but you couldn’t help but giggle at the butterflies you felt in your stomach every time Shouto would look over at you. And Katsuki couldn’t help but get more and more pissed every time he saw the silent interactions between you and the half and half bastard.

“Aizawa-Sensei, may I be excused,” you asked, despite the fact that you had yet to be called on, but by the squirming you were doing in your seat, he could tell that you meant business. Aizawa made sure to remind you to take a hall pass off the hooks next to the door before leaving the classroom. On your walk to the bathroom, you noticed that everything felt brighter, as if the sun had finally come out from hiding behind the clouds.

After you’d finished your business in the stall of the girl’s bathroom, you opened the door only to be startled by the sulking blonde in the corner, “Jesus fuck, what are you doing in here Suki?” He didn’t answer your question, he just stood in his spot, staring back at you. It took you a minute to notice, but you knew something was wrong when you saw that his usual docile expression was… sad.

“Y’know you’re the only person I let call me by that dumb-ass nickname,” Katsuki asked you, uncrossing his arms and pushing himself off the tiled wall. He saw you smile fall at his harsh words, but right now he was too worked up to even care, “I didn’t spend three years wrapped around your pinky and bending to your every will for you to be making googly eyes at anyone but me.”

“Katsuki-”

“No, it’s still my turn to talk,” you watched as Katsuki took a deep breath, preparing himself for the words about to leave his mouth, “I’m in love with you, and I know for a fact that you feel the same. I don’t know what’s going on between you and Todoroki, but I do know that I could make you happier than he ever could, because when I think of a person I’m meant to be with your name is the first that comes to mind.” Before you had a chance to process the emotional mess that Katsuki had dumped on you, you felt his index finger underneath your chin, forcing you to look up at him, followed by a quick touch of your lips to his.

And just as fast as the kiss had happened, Katsuki had left the bathroom. You brought your hand up to your mouth, feeling the ghost of the lips that had just touched yours, and overwhelmed with feeling and understanding the dilemma ahead of you, you dropped down to the floor, not even bothering to try and hold in your tears anymore.

The world that had felt so bright before was no longer. How could you bask in the warmth of the sun, when you could only have one?

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH. 10

Even with the fatigue you felt after your laughing tic, you couldn't go to sleep at all last night. Which isn't a big deal, after all you are a chronic insomniac who has had an on off sleep schedule this week.

After twelve fifty-two hit and you still weren't tired or even close to doing your tired tics you did the only thing you could think to do on this technical Saturday morning. You started on your weekly tidy of the house. Bless whatever powers at be that you ended up in this cottage outside of town rather than an apartment unit surrounded by neighbors. The amount of complaints you would've gotten would have surely gotten you evicted.

It's not like you could stop this behavior, well you could but if you start doing nothing when you have spurts of insomnia you'll get lazier when you need to be productive. Banking on the fact that you'll just do it when you have insomnia. It happened all the time when you were in school, and while that worked for a while it wasn't a healthy way to cope with your sleep disorder.

You've found doing productive things or anything you would do when the sun was up typically helps you regulate you circadian rhythm faster than it ever did when you just laid in bed praying for sleep to take you.

It isn't at all surprising when you finish your chores around two forty that morning. With nothing better to do and not being at all in the mood to do any attempt at art or reading. You decide to settle in to watch a movie. It starts with scrolling through Netflix and seeing Coraline, then that turns into Paranorman, which turned into Corpse Bride, several episodes of the old Twilight Zone.

By the time you were finished with the fourth episode it was already one in the afternoon. You really needed to start baking if you wanted fresh cookies for the movie tonight. Setting up your monster movie hard drive to play a movie for background noise you set out on baking.

It's a super simple recipe you started using back in high school but it's always a hit at parties. Maybe it's because you fold candies, chocolates, nuts, or whatever topping into each cookie individually. You can't say for sure but everyone loves them, and you think that's nice.

Creaming butter while the sounds of a woman screaming in agony as a zombie eats her lower intestine seems very much on point for you. However, you soon find yourself drowning out the movie as you hyper focus on the mixing of ingredients. You tripled the recipe, hoping to make a mixture of mini sugar cookies, mini chocolate chip cookies, and mini mini M&M cookies. If you had thought about it more you might have grabbed a jar of maraschino cherries to add them to the mix. Although you think three batches of mini cookies might be a little excessive so four may have been overkill.

'Oh well, no turning back now.' you think preheating the oven for four hundred degrees and roll tiny half inch dough balls while you wait.

After about fifteen minutes you assume the oven is hot enough to start baking. You line the first tray up all with sugar cookies. You only get two thirds of the bowl down on that tray. It was your biggest one too. Setting a timer for ten minutes so you could turn the cookies to let them bake for another three after that, you turn your attention to folding a handful of chocolate chips into the next bowl's dough balls. Placing the new chocolate chip dough into the bowl holding the rest of the sugar cookie dough as you go. You nearly finish that when the timer goes off to spin the tray. Honestly at this rate all your dough will be ready before you even have one bowl down. You hope you can finish baking in time for the movie.

It's five o' two by the time you put the last batch in the oven. You've been cleaning as the cookies baked and now your kitchen is nearly clean once more. Just a few more dishes to do after that batch comes out and you pack up the cookies.

Letting the most recent batch have a chance to cool you start placing all the cookies in your three largest containers. You'll need to grab a fourth container for the last of the cookies, but all the cool cookies are now ready for transport.

And with how early in the evening it is you should eat something now so you can have some room for snacks later. Time to finish off that pizza. Taking a slice out to the bins and placing it neatly on the ground for Chonk, whenever it is he decides to come and claim it, you turn back around to finish baking and get your dinner. After pulling the cookies out and setting them to cool you reheat your dinner for tonight.

Sitting down, plate in hand, you're just able to catch the shift into the next movie. Teen Wolf 1985 starring Micheal J. Foxx. Not a scary movie by any means but you keep it in the storage drive for rainy days. And even though today isn't raining you think it'll be a good watch.

You can not believe how utterly painful that was to have just watched. It was so average that it might as well not had the werewolf aspect at all! The acting was average, makeup was ok for the time, but the writing was just the worst. And the ending basket ball scene? It felt like a cheesy early 2000s Disney Channel original movie. You're pretty sure if you combined several Disney movies you'd have that exact plot. Hell Don't Look Under the Bed was scarier than that, and it was a better story too.

Checking the time you see you have about the average length of a Disney Channel movie before you have to leave. Good because you really want to watch Don't Look Under the Bed now. Switching over to your Disney+ account you find said movie and rush to put everything up as it runs through the beginning credits. With cookies packed away and the containers stacked and ready you plop back on your couch to immerse yourself in the early 2000s “horror”.

Just as the hand comes from under the bench to caress Fran a knock rings through your home, effectively startling you. Your eyes shift over to your front door, it's nearly eight thirty on a Saturday who or what is all this far out? Getting up from the couch you make your way over to your door, unlike every horror movie you have your phone and contacts pulled up and ready to dial. Phone behind your back and thumb hovering over Hollis' contact you open the door. Where three figures greet you.

Tim stands in front of the other two, dressed in dark jeans a gray tank top and red flannel with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Brian stands behind him and to his right, he's wearing regular jeans and an olive v-neck. Jesus fucking Christ is it 2012 and no one told you? Toby off to Tim's left is in black jeans a black t-shirt with a green short sleeve button up that has a little alien head pattern. Well, they don't look like they're here to murder you with an ax, so you move the hand from behind your back and let it rest by your side.

Missing the two tense gazes as you move the appendage.

“...Um, hi?” what would normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation to find yourself in, what with three men you've just met at your front door.

Tim seems to be looking for his words, he must be out of his element as well. On the other hand Brian seems content to let Tim flounder around for a bit, all the while Toby wrings his hands together. You can't tell if it's from nerves or his tics.

“Hey..uh, so you mentioned Saturday Dead. But we're new so..and we..” Tim is even worse with human interaction than you are.

“We were wondering if 'stop it' if you wanted to ride with us and give us directions.”

Oh that makes sense.

“Yea sure thing, c'mon in. I'll go get ready.”  You give the men some space to enter your home. Then lead them to your living room,

“Make yourselves comfy.” you say as you leave them to change.

Once in your room you lock the door, although you believe you have a good reading on Toby to not be the type you can't be too safe around new men.  You opt to change into the first shirt you grab from your closet, black t-shirt with several flatwoods monsters on it along with the phrase 'squad goals' and a pair a black joggers. Perfectly comfy for a chill movie night at the crypt.

“That was fast.” is the first thing you hear when you reenter the living room.

Toby had no problems making himself comfortable in your home, since he is sitting on the couch, seemingly watching the movie with your fidget cube in hand. Brian and Tim, on the other hand, were leaning on the wall separating the living room and kitchen.

“What d'you mean?” you asked Tim confused, tilting your head to the side.

“Well, uh” he seems embarrassed by this for some reason, “women normally take a long time changing is all.” Ooooooh now you get it he's a misogynist.

The room goes quiet with Tim's stupid opinion. Toby ceases all fidgeting, Brian however looks as though he's a cat that caught a canary. He must enjoy the pain and embarrassment of others, the dick.

“Mmmh I don't think that's true,” you'll let this one slide but Tim's on thin ice, “Anyway I'm not a woman. I'm trans agender.” Tim has the decency to look embarrassed for stuffing his foot into his mouth. But it isn't really his fault you never mentioned your pronouns or lack of gender to him, and you mix and match your masculine and feminine days. Understandably you won't blame him for not knowing your pronouns but that misogynistic comment will still be marked as a red flag.

“I am so sorry.” and he truly does sound sorry for the slip up.

You shake your head and shoo away his apology, “It's good, you didn't know.”

“We ready to go?” you ask looking around the room. Tim and Toby nod, the younger man moving off the couch to stand with you all when Brian speaks up.

“Actually, Toby don't you have to use the restroom?” Said man pauses on his way over to your little group, “No.” voice laced with confusion and irritation.

Tim jumps in with a stern, “I really think you should.” Toby cuts his eyes at Tim and Brian.

As weird as it is for one grown man to tell another to go to the bathroom, let alone two grown men, you quickly remember Toby's CIPA.

“Dude the drive itself is gonna be nearly an hour plus the two hour movie. The Cryptonomica only has one bathroom and like thirty people will be there tonight.” You assumed you'd also get a glare for insisting on the matter. But you only get Toby's furrowed brow in response and he looks uncomfortable right now, not intimidating. He's probably embarrassed that his new acquaintance...friend? Is also present for the topic of his bathroom habits.

With another glare to Tim and Brian, Toby pushes past you and down the hallway. Normally this would leave you in an awkward situation but thankfully you have escape tasks!

Marching over to the entertainment center you turn off the TV. Spotting your fidget cube on the table where Toby left it, you decide to pocket it just in case he'd want to use it for the movie.

A loud thud startles you and you look up to see Tim picking up a few books that fell from the bookshelf.

'Weird...' you think as you watch him place them back onto the shelf they fell from.

“A...sorry.” as he places them back you notice one side of the shelf is tilted downwards. It must've just lost that little nub that holds the shelf up in that corner. You probably have a few spares floating around in one of your trinket holders.

You give Tim a small 'it's fine' as you pass him on your way to the kitchen. Cookies all set on the counter you go over to your fridge and grab the popcorn bag off the top. Opening the fridge and retrieving the Surge for Kirby you are all set on your snacks for tonight.

Placing the Surge and popcorn on top of your cookie containers you go back to the living room to join the boys in waiting for Toby. Who is already coming out of the bathroom, drying his hands on his jeans....He knows you had a towel for that right?

“We should be good to leave now.” Brian says turning from Toby to you.

“Ok yea, after you guys.” you side stepped  back into the kitchen doorway to let the men pass you.

“Want some help?” Toby asked as he walked closer. And as much as you wanted to say no you had it, you really didn't want to drop the Surge and have a big mess everywhere.

Nodding to him, thinking he was just going to take the things at the top or even the top container with them. Toby reaches out and barely brushes your hands at the bottom before taking the entire load into his own arms.

It felt like someone rubbed sandpaper across your knuckles and fingers where his hands touched. The burning sensation persisted even long after his hands had moved away.

It's the first time you've gotten bad vibes from Toby's touch. He's probably in a bad mood, his touch hasn't held much intention before but this hurts. Or you could totally be reading too much into this with too little sleep and you just aren't having a tactile day. You never have tactile days really just small windows where if someone is lucky they can squeeze a pat on the shoulder or a high five out of you.

“Hey, that's not helping.” you call out following the men out of your home.

“It's not?” he asks, “Then what is it?” why's he have to sound so smug about this.

“Condescending.” Toby blinks in surprise at the no nonsense tone of your voice.

You weren't harsh with your words...at least you don't think so. You were just stern in how you said them, wanting to get your point across.

Turning from the men you lock your door and check twice to make sure. When you turn back to face them you grab the top two containers of cookies, and subsequently the popcorn and Surge laying atop it, from Toby.

“This is helping. I could do this much at least.” Toby nods dumbly as you pass them and make your way to the cars.

“We can take ours, we'll drive you back.” Tim says unlocking their little sedan.

That seems fine, after all if you ended up wanting to stay later Kirby would totally let you crash on the couch in the basement and take you home in the morning. Or whenever he woke up tomorrow. And that way you wouldn't be keeping the boys too late. It is their first Saturday Night Dead and first time meeting most of the young adults in town. The night was bound to get draining.

You agree and hop into the back seat on the driver's side, Toby sliding in from the opposite side, leaving Brian to take the passenger seat and Tim to drive. You and Toby place the cookies in the middle seat and you thank him for his help. He quickly nods and looks out the window, knee starting to bounce slightly.

“Where am I going?” Tim asked as you all got buckled in.

“Ok, so we can either drive all the way through town or drive through the forest and across the river.”

“Which is faster?” Brian chimes in as Tim bristles.

“Forest.” You do catch Tim's reflection rolling his eyes at your reply.

To be fair with this group you wouldn't chance getting stuck in the forest on your way to a horror movie night. Like that's kind of a horror movie cliché right there. You and Toby are young enough that you're sure someone would mistake you two for late teens, in fact you know it's happened to you several times in the past week alone. While you're fine going into the forest at night by yourself it's only because horror movies don't center around one person dying in a forest by some ancient entity.

'But they do start that way.' that thought almost makes you want to cut back on your nightly hikes, unfortunately you have no other coping mechanisms for your insomnia other than hiking or driving. So you'll ignore that thought for now.

The car is quiet as everyone waits for someone to respond. Toby's knee bouncing is more obvious as it begins to jostle the car. He's also staring down at his hands, still red from his picking yesterday, wringing them together. Clearly the stationary car is getting to him, he breaks the silence.

“Will someone fucking say something?”

“Sorry,” you say gently to him, “Yea we can just go through town. Tim do you know where Whistle's Auto is?”

“Uh yea,” you catch his quick glance towards Toby in the rear view mirror.

“Cool just head in that direction and keep on Highland Street.”

That's all you had to say before Tim was shifting gears and driving off. You notice quickly that he's a faster driver than Toby was. It's yet to be seen if that should make you uneasy, you'll have to see how well he breaks.

When you guys had made it through town and Tim came to a stop in front of a sign proudly stating 'Welcome to the Cryptonomica' they were understandably concerned by the lack of a building or any other cars. You get out of the car and grab two of the cookie containers, when you made a grab for the other two and the snacks on top Toby kept them out of your reach and exited the car as well.

“So where is...everything?”

“Oh we have to hike. The shop's further in the forest.” you say as you walk on past Tim.

“You said people were gonna be here.” Brian chimes in.

Right this now looks like you have dragged them to a parking lot in the middle of no where in a small town that they don't really know people in. Great going YN. Way to look like the bait for a weird cult looking for sacrifices.

“Yea the Hornets. They're the local “biker” gang.” the stunt group probably had the dirt bikes out today, it was nice enough for it.

Understandably the men hesitated before following you. Toby was the one who quickly caught up with you, perks of longer legs, and matched your speed to the shop. It didn't even take five minutes before you saw the shop and a few Hornets out front smoking or just plain loitering.

A chorus of “YN!” “Hey we missed you last week.” “Yo, did you hear..” rang through as you greeted the group. Upon seeing the containers of cookies the chorus was replaced with cheers and you were given excited praise as they made way for the four of you to be let in. So embarrassing, you flush under the praise getting a little energy boost from it as well. Your mood however changes when you lock eyes with the person running the booth tonight. Keith Warren, second in command and assistant manager of the Hornets. Despite having no beef and all the same friends you two have never clicked. It's almost your thing to be completely rude to each other when you do interact.

“Warren.”

“LN” his disdain is clear too, “Ten dollars bucket.” he hadn't even looked at you the jerk!

“Forty tonight, brought friends.” you placed the containers you had on the table as you dug the money from your wallet to pay for you all.

Keith does look up at that, literally the only time more locals come in is during Halloween when they want to get into the spooky season. So he's surprised to see three new faces attending Saturday Night Dead.

“Hey there, name's Keith.” you roll your eyes as he introduces himself to the group, you'll just slip away now since you already paid.

“Rude!” Kieth calls out, “Small talk!” you respond. You vaguely hear the rest of the introductions and Keith waving off the guys when they try to pay again. Oh maybe you should have actually told them you'd pay for their tickets, you thought it was obvious you invited them and they even drove you here. It's just polite that you cover their tickets this week.

Soon Toby is back by your side, you have a feeling you won't be able to loose him tonight if you tried, as you walk through the shop and towards the trap door in the back. The trap door that leads to the panic room converted into movie theater on Saturdays. Once you get down you bee line for the table in the back that is already half filled with snacks and some sodas. With Toby still following you he copies your moves of opening the containers and placing them on the table. You take the Surge and popcorn away from Toby, throwing the popcorn over in the direction of your corner seat and bring the Surge over to the man working on the white screen set up.

“Present.” Kirby pays no mind to you as he struggles with the screen. So you wait silently for him to just kick the thing and move on. Like clockwork Kirby kicks the bottom cover and the rest unravels perfectly.

“I need to replace this.” he says, just like he does every week.

“Oooh thank you.” he grabs the battery acid marketed as a beverage and spirits off. Weird guy.

“That's Kirby, he runs this place. Normally very chill but between the Picnic and movie night he ….just needs a break.” it's the nicest way you can put it. Toby just nods and scans the room wringing his hands together uncomfortably. You've noticed he hasn't ticced once since leaving the car, maybe he's suppressing them despite how anxious he clearly is.

Doing your own scan of the room you see that Tim and Brian haven't made their way in yet, Keith probably talking their ears off. Better them than you, you suppose. You're about to ask Toby if he wants to find them when the local power couple walks in.

“Party starting soon my dudes sit tight!” Jake announces as he and Hollis walk in to take their usual seats.

“Op spoke too soon babe, YN's here.” Hollis let out a chuckle when you rolled your eyes.

“Came without a soap box, hope cookies are suitable.”

And both are already grabbing a few of your mini cookies before they've even sat down. You really are glad you made them. Remembering Toby's with you, you introduce him to your friends.

“Tobais these are my friends Jake,” the blonde smiles warmly, “and Hollis.” They cover their mouth and toss a peace sign up as their mouth is still full. “And this is my friend Tobais.” he raises a hand to greet them.

“Hey, you're the new guy over at Auto right? You fixed Katrina's bike up quicker than Lewis ever does.” When Toby nods Hollis continues, “Man she's been saying how much smoother it rides now. Think I can stop by this week and get you to take a look at mine?”

“Yea, that should be fine.” and with that the two began to talk shop, literally. They just started talking about Hollis' bike. Normally all the Hornets do their own maintenance on their bikes but their motorcycles still need inspections and what not. This is really working out for you, your friends all getting along.

Thankfully it seems the topic calms Toby down a little, and you can see a head twitch or two make it's appearance as the two speak. Hollis being the chill person they are, and being used to your own brand of tics, makes no comment or acknowledgment of his tics.

Jake pulls you into a conversation about plans for a hang out at H2Woah that was fun, later after all the picnicing was done. Said he wanted to try surfing in the wave pool, you aren't sure about it but you agreed you'd teach him at least the basics of surfing if he taught you how to snow board. Didn't take much for the deal to be sealed.

Tim and Brian finally made their way down to the basement and you raised a hand so they could find you and Toby. Really it wouldn't have been too difficult but with everyone starting to pack in you didn't want anyone to be out of the group. Introductions had been made and everyone took to their seats.

You were already in the corner opening your popcorn when Toby sat down on your left blocking you from the rest of the room. Thinking on it if Toby wanted to eat he'd probably be too self conscious of his scar to take his mask off.

“Hey...actually would you mind if we switched?” he just gave you a lazy look before standing up and letting you scoot into his previous spot before sitting down in your spot. This way you could in theory block the view of his scar later.

You notice how his eyes dart in the room, despite Brian and Tim being just behind you two Toby still seemed on edge in the space. He has looked a bit uncomfortable all night, maybe that's why he was sticking to your side. You're way less outgoing than Brian is and Tim seems content to let him do his own thing. You feel bad, like you pressured him into coming and now he's paying for it. Toby looks a few minutes away from ripping the skin around his nails off again and you don't want a repeat of that.

“Here.” you whisper as the lights go off, handing Toby the cube from your pocket.

It's a quiet moment between you two as the trailers of the DVD play out and Toby focuses in on the cube. You note how he gravitates to the marble and joystick sides the most, always moving his thumb across each in a counterclockwise motion before reversing for a beat. Counter counter switch counter counter switch counter counter counter switch.

Once he found his rhythm with the toy you see tension leave his shoulders a little. Is he even able to feel the tension in his muscles?

You shift focus to the screen as the opening credits play out. And if you weren't sitting so close to Toby you'd missed the clucking sound coming from him. Knowing he'd get more anxious about his tics in this “quiet” setting you opt to ignore them and focus on the movie. After all the more relaxed he is the less likely he is to tic meaning the less anxious he is and more he can enjoy himself tonight.

About a third of the way through the movie you catch Toby sliding his mask off one ear, letting it shield his scarred cheek, and grabbing a handful of popcorn. You can't hide the giddy grin on your face from the action. To say you were worried about Toby not enjoying tonight was an understatement. But he had to have felt some comfort to slide his mask off in public, right? Your reassurance comes in the form of another handful of popcorn, as Toby pays no mind to you and only to the demon currently dancing on the screen.

With a terrible movie playing and a less anxious friend at your side you settle down a bit more yourself. Barely noticing when your head falls on Toby's shoulder as you slip into unconsciousness.

You wake up to the roaring of Kirby's snores and popcorn in your hair. A typical Sunday morning for you since arriving in Kepler.

[spicysoftsweet]

Chapter 4

Masterlist

Regardless of what anyone says, time really does heal most wounds, and particularly so for middle schoolers with terribly short attention spans and even shorter fuses.

Pain is both enduring and fleeting, its dual nature the only constant.

A year had passed since Shinichiro’s death, and things had essentially returned to normal for the burgeoning Tokyo Manji gang and their affiliates minus Kazutora. Kumi’s biggest concern today was that she was now faced with a tutee who had the shortest attention span and fuse of them all, and she had not even seen it coming.

“B-Baji?” She said, dumbfounded as her eyes settled on the young man sitting in the corner, chewing a pencil with irritation as he pored over a workbook in front of him. Kumi looked around the deserted classroom, ran quickly outside to check that she was indeed in the right place before returning quietly to stand at the entrance. Baji hadn’t heard her soft voice or her light footsteps the first time, but feeling her eyes on him, he then looked up in her direction, his mouth pulling into a grimace once he saw her.

“You’re not-” he started.

“You can’t be-” she began.

The pencil snapped in his hand under pressure, and he groaned audibly, running his hands through his hair.

“You’re the tutor?!”

Kumi wrinkled her nose and crossed her arms.

“It’s not like I knew it would be you! If I did I wouldn't have come over here!"

“Then don’t!” He hissed. Kumi frowned, keeping her irritated but slightly concerned look on him and his face reddened for a split second before he turned away, staring out the window to avert his gaze as though her very look would pierce through his skin. “What?!”

Her frown deepened and she hesitated for a moment before stepping forward and rearranging the desk right before him so that she could face him.

She leaned in just slightly so that she could look at exactly what math problems he was struggling to comprehend, then glanced up at him. Entirely too close for Baji’s comfort, he shifted back his chair, which made a loud screeching sound, but Kumi was too geared into academic mode to be offended.

“Are you really struggling this much? I was told to start as though you were two grade levels behind.”

With this comment, she opened up one of the textbooks and pulled out a couple pencils because she sure as hell was going to get the extra credit she had been offered for this task, no matter what it cost her.

The tomato shade Baji’s ears had taken on seemed to deepen, and he whipped his head back to face her, now clearly between anger and embarrassment and Kumi considered for a moment scooting her own seat back before he lunged at her. But instead, she remembered what Mitsuya had said a while ago.

First, that Baji was, deep down, a good guy and second, that he might actually like her.

Her ears warmed at the thought briefly, then she banished it completely as she had done the entire past year, remembering that whether he liked her or not, he was a delinquent failing math hard enough that he had to repeat the entire year and that simply would not do, no matter what.

His foul mouth especially reminded her not to entertain any positive thoughts, even though now that she was close to him and face to face, she could actually admit that he was a little attractive, especially now that she was no longer terribly afraid of him.

“Bring someone else. I don’t want your fucking help,” he barked, crossing his arms and raising his foot onto the desk in a gesture of defiance.

Kumi pressed her lips together and let out a sigh of defeat. Then, she smiled widely and closed her books.

“Well, I give up. Good luck, Baji.”

Before she could rise to feign leaving the room, Baji grabbed her quickly by the wrist and pulled her to him, semi-roughly. She made an unintentional yelp and he immediately let go, and she whisked in his direction, offended that he grabbed her.

But before she could actually say anything, he murmured in the quietest voice she had ever heard from him.

“Don’tleavejusthelpme,” he pleaded through his teeth.

Kumi’s cheeks burned a little hotter as she settled back into her seat, but she tried her best to keep an air of superiority.

“Only because you asked so nicely.”

---

Going from seeing Kazutora almost every day to not seeing him at all was difficult, to say the least. While her boyfriend wasn’t the only thing that kept her occupied, the void that he left while he was away felt incredibly loud. But there wasn’t much she could do except wait for him, occasionally visiting his mother in hopes of hearing some good news. Unfortunately, Kaksi quickly realised that Kazutora’s mother had barely any interest in her own son.

That didn’t really come as a surprise considering what the boy had told her despite not remembering much about his childhood. Still, Kaksi couldn’t even begin to imagine how Kazutora was dealing with juvie. A year had already passed though and she would be able to see him again after the next, picking up exactly where they had left off. This was what kept her smiling through the days.

But things had changed quite a lot already. While Kaksi wasn’t part of Toman, she had heard that their numbers were increasing, which was steadily making them more famous, a fact that wasn’t exactly thrilling to her. After Shinichiro’s death, she could only hope that none of her friends would get in any more trouble. But it wasn’t like they ever listened to her.

So she kept quiet, trying to distance herself as much as possible from any type of business involving the gang while also keeping a good relationship with the founding members of Toman, more notably, Mikey. What had originally started as some way for Kaksi to repay herself for the imaginary implications that she had with Kazutora’s mistakes turned into friendly dates with Mikey.

Every week, on Saturday at exactly 12:30 p.m., the girl would have him pick her up with his CB250T near her place then drive them to his favorite restaurant. At first, it felt a little strange, knowing the history of his not-exactly brand new bike and also considering that Kaksi only ever rode on Kazutora’s bike. However, it turned out that sitting behind Mikey felt somewhat safer and actually quite enjoyable.

Kaksi had learned that Mikey was actually pretty talkative; while he never talked about his emotions, he did enjoy speaking to her about a range of things. He also started displaying his childish side to her more and more, which Draken quickly taught her how to handle. She found that she didn’t mind carrying little flags around in her bag for when Mikey’s meals needed them.

She also enjoyed seeing her gift around his wrist, which she noticed was missing something today.

“Mikey,” she said as he hungrily took a big bite from his sandwich.

The boy hummed and looked at her, his mouth full and with a little  bit of mayonnaise at the corner. Kaksi chuckled, before wiping it off and speaking.

“The Taiyaki charm on your bracelet,” she pointed out. “It’s gone.”

Mikey took a moment before answering, not wanting to spit out some of his meal on his companion.

“Yeah, I took it off.”

“Oh. Did you not like it?” she questioned.

“No, I kept it,” the boy explained. “I prefer wearing the bracelet all the time, like you do, but I didn’t want to lose the charm in a fight or something.”

Kaksi’s eyes widened slightly at his explanation and she could feel her face getting warmer all of a sudden.

“Looks like you really like it,” she teased him, nonetheless.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied, before taking another bite of his meal.

Kaksi didn’t usually have other boys flustering her, and she didn’t know how to feel about it.  

---

Kaksi found that it was easy to forget her own confusing feelings when she was faced with addressing her friend’s feelings instead. Kumi had come over for a sleepover, and one of the first things the young girl did once Kumi had settled down her bags and curled up into one of her bean bag chairs was ask her how her tutoring session went.

“Why do I feel like you had something to do with this?” Kumi accused once she’d finished recounting her surprisingly productive session. Baji seemed to actually want to learn, the threat of repeating a grade a second time a sufficient enough motivator.

Kaksi’s brown eyes almost sparkled with glee while Kumi wasn’t the least bit amused.

“Was it just math you went over? Did you study chemistry too?”

Kumi hurled a pillow at her across the room at full strength, which Kaksi dodged expertly before laughing.

“Come on, it’s funny!”

Kumi raised an eyebrow.

“I need you to try to set me up with normal boys,” Kumi said, tonally emphasizing the word ‘normal’ while she fiddled with a tangled mess of fabric in her hands. She was trying to follow Kaksi’s bracelet pattern in red and white and was getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

Kaksi gently took the growing disaster out of her hands and teased the messy flosses apart, smiling sadly to herself. The smile made Kumi uneasy as she anticipated what she was thinking about.

“It’s good if at least one of us ends up happy.”

Kumi sighed.

“He’s not dead, Kaksi. It’s just juvie. He’ll get out and you can be all lovey dovey again.”

Kaksi seemed to consider this, and nodded her head. Kumi noticed that her friend had almost immediately made order out of her mess and looked at her with both awe and a mild embarrassment.

“I was trying to fix that for the past 20 minutes, what the hell?!”

Kaksi grinned, this time sincerely, and handed the separated flosses back to Kumi to start over.

“I’m good at damage control, I guess.”

---

Damage control was a little bit of what Kumi was attempting, she liked to tell herself.

If Baji was with her, catching up to grade level in math, he couldn’t be out on the streets and cause trouble. It gave her a sense of civic duty that she was molding this menace into a productive member of society.

Munching as quietly as possible on a Pepero stick, she watched him curiously as he wrote numbers and symbols, working out the answer to a complex algebraic equation. She was less focused on the work he was showing on the page, instead observing the gentle furrow in his brows as he focused silently.

Now that he was concentrating, he was visibly less volatile. Kumi thought he even looked like he had brushed his hair a little bit today, but she wasn’t so sure. A dark lock fell forward into his field of view and before she could contemplate whether or not she wanted to tuck it behind his ear, he spoke suddenly.

“Bambi, what are you staring at?” He didn’t look up.

Kumi’s eyes widened as she repeated, “B-Bambi?”

He paused writing, then glanced up from his sheet finally, his eyes meeting hers.

“Your eyes are huge and you always seem to be staring. Like a lost deer.”

His voice was neutral enough that she wasn’t sure if he was actually making fun of her or not.

“W-why…?” She trailed off. Had he just forgotten her name and was coming up with a surrogate?

Baji blew air out of his nose and shook his head, murmuring a ‘never mind’ as he erased something off the page.

Baji and ‘Bambi’ continued to march through the problem set through the late afternoon and into the early evening.

---

Hearing Baji’s latest nickname for her friend, Kaksi couldn’t help smiling. While Kumi had argued with her that it was definitely not a term of endearment that the boy had started using for her, Kaksi decided to believe that it was. Therefore, teasing would be endless from now on.

She knew that provoking Baji was a bad idea, but she correctly believed that she was one of the few people that could get away with it mostly unscathed. Yet before she could say anything, walking next to the boy on the sidewalk on their way to their respective places, he spoke.

“Mikey and you are looking very friendly lately.”

Kaksi’s eyes widened slightly, not exactly sure what to answer. She immediately got defensive.

“So do you with Kumi!”

“Shut up! That’s not true,” he protested, eyebrows furrowed. “She’s just been helping me with school a lot.”

Baji didn’t really know why he immediately felt the need to justify himself.

“I know,” she replied, with a little smile. “She’s great, I told you.”

Baji looked away. “Whatever.”

Kaksi couldn’t help chuckling, not having seen his face but picturing him rolling his eyes still.  

“But for real, what’s up with Mikey and you, though?”

The girl took a moment before answering.

“Nothing. I just felt bad after… Shinichiro’s death, you know?” she explained. “Even though I know there was nothing I could do about it. So now I treat him to lunch every week.”

Kaksi was unsure about what exact good this little action did to Mikey. But as long as she could make him smile, this was satisfaction enough. Baji took in this new information quietly for a moment, then laughed.

“Damn and what do I have to do for you to give me some money?” Baji joked with a smile, noticing the slight change of tone in his friend’s voice.

The girl chuckled.

“Be nicer to Kumi,” she teased.

“I’ve been nice enough to Bambi.”

Kaksi laughed, he was definitely heading in the good direction she had to admit. She pressed a little.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a girlfriend too when Kazutora’s out of juvie?”

Baji made a gagging noise before speaking again.

“And look as gross as you two? I’ll pass.”

“I’m pretty sure you meant cute,” she teased him with a smile, before letting out a little sigh. “I can’t wait to see him again.”

Baji instantly felt guilt wash over him at those words. If only he had been more insistent on that day and had convinced Kazutora to give up on that idea instead of following him. But he had already had that conversation with Mikey and Kaksi separately and everyone knew that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this incident. Still, it was difficult sometimes to accept this thought.

“We’ll see him soon,” Baji reassured with a little smile.

They didn’t say anything further for a little while, walking in silence.

“I never talk about Kazutora with Mikey,” Kaksi spoke again. “It feels like I shouldn’t.”

The boy understood that feeling all too well; besides, Kaksi shouldn’t be the one to address this situation despite her close ties to Kazutora and now to Mikey too. 

“I did,” he told her. “Not much, but someone has to defend Kazutora.”

Kaksi hated that Kazutora had to be defended. How could anyone do this for him? She felt bad thinking about this. Could anyone blame Mikey if he refused to forgive her boyfriend? Could anyone even expect forgiveness from Mikey? The girl understood Baji’s complicated position, he just wanted his friends to get along like they used to.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth,” he explained. “That it was all an accident and that Kazutora only had good intentions for him, as stupid as it sounds now.”

The girl didn’t think anyone doubted Kazutora’s intentions. Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure this was enough to fix what had been broken.

“I know he is upset, even though he won’t talk about it,” Baji continued. “But he knows Kazutora would never hurt his friends on purpose.”  

“Kazutora’s not a bad person,” she said, almost whispering, more to herself than anyone else.

“No, he’s not and I’m sure it will be better once he’s out of juvie.”

Kaksi smiled at her friend, she could only hope it would be.

[spaceorphan18]

i really liked your s6 blaine meta! would you be willing to do something similar for season 5 episodes 14-20?

Hi Nonny! Sorry for the delay, this is kind of a huge undertaking.  I’m going to be honest, this will be more of an abridged answer.  I really recommend looking over to my Finding Kurt Hummel Meta, because a lot of Kurt and Blaine’s stories are intertwined, and I do talk a lot about Blaine and his motivations there.  That said, let’s dig in! 

Pre-New York Arc

So, as Blaine tells us when before he’s going to graduate, his senior year has been really hard and really weird.  He broke up with his boyfriend, dealt with a school shooting, suffered the loss of a good friend, and then got engaged.  (Y’all should check out my Glee Timeline to see just how squished all of this stuff really was.) By the time his tenure as a high school student is over, he’s desperate to fast forward to being a full fledged adult -- living out his dreams in New York City.  The problem is trying to force your dreams come true doesn’t always work, especially when a) you’re still a kid trying to figure things out and b) you still have a lot of insecurities and mental health issues to deal with.  

So Blaine (and Kurt) still have a lot of growing up to do.  And a lot of the New York Arc is figuring out just that.  

Let’s talk about the proposal for a second, too.  Blaine jumping to marriage is, yes, a bit pre-mature.  He’s was so desperate to get his relationship back on track with Kurt, and so wanting to prove his commitment, he jumped about fifteen other steps and went straight to what he would be the ultimate band-aide -- marriage.  Well, just because you’re married (or engaged) doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of issues in your relationship.  Blaine and Kurt were too young for their engagement -- and not necessarily because of their age, but because they really hadn’t dealt with a lot of things the move to New York, the cheating, and the first break up did to their relationship.  However, Blaine wants to ignore a lot of the red flags because he feels since he has Kurt back, and put a ring on that finger, he should be fine, right?  His insecurities about Kurt not loving him or wanting to leave him should be squashed because -- ring.  Right??  Oh, Blainey. 

New New York

So, what we don’t see is the six-to-nine months of Kurt and Blaine living together.  Which is a shame.  Because we don’t see how it started, and how they probably were so head over heels wanting to live together and do all the fun things Burt listed off in his conversation with Kurt before the proposal in Love Love Love that they did not have any kind of conversation about how living together would ultimately work.  So, it’s nine months later, and things aren’t so rosey.  

Blaine is trying very hard to make them the old married couple he wants them to be (which is no shade on Blaine!).  He’s singing old timey songs, and basically trying to show his love through acts of servitude, and kind of trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Kurt’s unhappy about it.  

Blaine is a giver by nature, and wants to make Kurt happy, and he thinks if he can be the perfect boyfriend (because he wasn’t before, made a mistake, didn’t take into account that Kurt really was part of that issue, and blames himself for the relationship woes) that his relationship with Kurt will be fine.  The problem is that Blaine is losing himself in the relationship -- trying to be the person he thinks Kurt wants him to be, and the person his own imagination thinks he should be, instead of the person he really is.  

The other thing is that Blaine is a bit clingy.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your significant other.  But Blaine wants to spend every waking moment with Kurt so they can share their magical journey together.  You see -- in high school, they were joined at the hip, and did do a lot of things together.  But they also had a lot of time apart.  They both had groups of friends to do things with, and different households to go home to.  But now, all aspects of their life are jammed into that little loft.  And for Blaine, it’s fine, (though it’s not - he has to learn how to be an individual person, too), but Kurt is struggling with it. 

Here’s the part where I do need to bring up Blaine and his homelife.  Blaine being who he is - is somewhat just his personality.  But part of it is also his homelife.  We can infer that unlike the Hummel household, Blaine’s family wasn’t exactly ones to unconditionally supportive in the same way.  He always had to compete for attention (and possibly love) with Cooper.  He has always felt that no matter how ‘good’ he is -- he’s a failure.  And he is, by far, his own worst critic.  These are things that Kurt cannot fix for him, and while Kurt can continue to love and support him, Blaine himself has to reach a belief that he is a worthy individual of love, support, and happiness.  

Also, because Blaine is trying so hard to make life perfect for Kurt, he’s not being able to make his own experience uniquely his own.  He tries to find a cute couch -- but it’s rejected (rightfully because bed bugs, but still).  He tries to make himself a space in the loft, but Kurt shuts that down.  Everything is about how Kurt thinks and feels, and because Blaine’s giving in on these things, he starts to go inward on himself, and thus they fight over dumb things.  (Kurt needs to learn how to share and compromise, Blaine needs to learn to stand up for himself and his own wants and needs.)  

As an aside, Blaine isn’t really jealous of Elliott -- that’s a bit of displaced anger.  But going to Elliott does help (wise sage that he is), and while that convo is a little weird, there is some good advice in Elliott saying you have to figure out who you are, and maybe not be so clingy.  Boundaries are good and don’t lose yourself in the relationship. 

So, about their decision to live apart -- my Kurt meta had a good paragraph: 

I’d also like to mention that Kurt isn’t really thrilled with Blaine’s idea.  He doesn’t want Blaine to leave, but he recognizes that something has to change.  Unfortunately, they’re still young and growing and don’t have the tools or experience to figure out how to fix what’s wrong.  So - in a way, I get this solution.  Blaine doesn’t know how to give Kurt emotional space - so let’s try physical instead.  

Blaine wants to fix the situation, so it’s no surprise that Blaine is the one to comp up with the solution.  It’s not great (honestly, they should have moved out and found their own place but alas tv show logic), but it’ll have to work for now.  Blaine is more interested in salvaging his relationship the only way he can try to.  Unfortunately there are some other, bigger issues going on, but for now, they’ve come up with something that might help.  

Bash

It’s a shame we don’t get more Blaine during this episode, because I think it’s really important.  There’s a story here about the frustrations a gay couple can have when one of them is going through a major trauma, and the other can only sit and wait to see how it turns out -- adding in outside factors such as, hospitals not allowing the partner to visit because they aren’t legally “family”.  

So, one of Blaine’s biggest fears is losing Kurt.  And this time he does to an external power.  Blaine, who likes to control things just about as much as Kurt, feels like he should be able to protect Kurt no matter what, and comes out of this episode feeling like it’s his duty to do that.  

You see, Blaine doesn’t think he’ll survive very well if anything ever happened to Kurt, and kind of ignoring the fact that Kurt kinda jumped into the fight himself, Blaine decides that he’ll do everything in his power to ‘save’ him.  Problem is, that’s not at all what Kurt wants or needs....  Which will be discussed more in the next episode. 

Meanwhile, Blaine manages to piss off Carmen Tibideaux with he and Rachel’s little duet idea.  Not liking anyone mad at him, he does go retake the final (or whatever it is), and pours his own fears and sadness into the song.  I do kind of wonder if Blaine’s involvement in this is a slight nod that Blaine won’t be finishing his college career at NYADA.  (Which is fine - the school is utter shit.) 

Tested

Okay, god.  Here’s the Kurt Meta because this is one really complicated episode that I won’t do justice in the little blurb I’m going to write here.  There’s A LOT going on, and it’s helpful in understanding the story as a whole, and I do write about both their sides in the Kurt Meta. 

So, here we are -- Blaine is trying to make Kurt’s New York life and experience perfect, and he kind of ignores his own.  But, he is indulging himself (as young people in new places often do) and not taking care of his physical health either.  He does gain some weight (or Glee tries to suggest that he does), and this latches on to his insecurities from before.  

A lot of this episode’s issues comes down to identity --- Blaine saw himself as the White Knight in Shiny Armor -- the one who protected Kurt from Karofsky, and made him smile.  The one who was the prince who got to give the other prince the Happily Ever After.  The problem, though, is all of this is magical fairy tale talk that doesn’t work in the real world.  

Kurt isn’t a delicate flower who needs rescuing.  He is very physically fit, and is seen as attractive by other people.  And Kurt is trying to find his own, individual identity that isn’t solely connected to Blaine.  All of this activates Blaine’s major insecurity about being rejected -- about not being loved enough.  He doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have to be the person who another person needs for them to love him.  He can just be the person who someone wants.  But Blaine has a very hard time with this concept.  His value of himself is wrapped up in how much he thinks he’s needed, which of course, causes all the problems.  

What’s making it worse is that Blaine begins to manipulate the situation -- trying to make Kurt ‘need’ him again, which is very unhealthy (don’t do that guys!).  But also starts to do what he always does, and we see a repeat of the issues had back in season 3/4.  Blaine starts to pull away physically because he fears he’s not good enough, and in turn, Kurt pulls away emotionally, and it’s just a downward spiral that they keep doing.  

The thing that Blaine is not doing is expressing how he actually feels to Kurt.  When he finally does that at the end of the episode, when he reaches out and says ‘hey I need help’ Kurt is finally there for him.  (Yes, Kurt is still pissed, but at the end of the day, Kurt is not wrong about the fact that he’ll never stop loving blaine -- no matter what happens.)  The problem is, no matter how many times Kurt can say it, or even show it, until Blaine actually trusts him, it’s never going to work.  

As an aside -- one of the reasons I think the second break up actually was good for them, is that Blaine learns how to love himself, and live with himself, after Kurt’s gone.  He’s too attached to defining his self worth based on what Kurt thinks of him -- and that’s not healthy.

(Also, I encourage you to read the Tested Meta -- there is so much to dig into in this episode!) 

Opening Night

There really isn’t much Blaine in this episode - but we do see him use his acts of service love language towards Rachel.  Usually, she’s much better in her response, though.  

I also want to point out that it’s Blaine’s idea to go to the gay bar.  I’m all for Blaine starting to learn where his places in the city are.  Makes me wonder if Kurt and Blaine frequented there together, of this was a Blaine only thing.  Hmm.  

The Back-Up Plan

So... the June Dolloway stuff.  Okay.  

June plays to Blaine’s romantic ideals of what life as a successful performer would be.  And, as we’ve talked about, Blaine’s self worth is based on the idea of how much people need him (or want to use him).  So, he kind of falls into June’s trap, and lets her try to mould him into who she thinks he is.  The problem is, that entails getting rid of Kurt.  But a big part of who Blaine is - is loving Kurt.  

There’s also the issue of competition again (which came up in Tested, too) that I kind of roll my eyes at.  I’m not going to say that Hollywood, or the performing arts, isn’t competitive.  Because it is, in a lot of ways.  However, I feel like media and society are often the ones pushing that narrative.  You can be successful and still support your friends and love ones.  

There’s an entire conversation to be had about how art is subjective, and this idea that this painting is better than that one is just kind of stupid, so all of these fancy awards for things are really, often times, just rich or powerful people stating what they think is the “best” and puts a false equivalency on things that can’t or shouldn’t be pit next to each other.  

So, this whole idea that Blaine is ‘winning’ because June picked him is just -- whatever, Glee.  The thing that I do like, however, is the fact that, despite Kurt being disappointed in the situation, he is still supportive of Blaine and his career.  The thing that I think is a bit contrived is Blaine’s eagerness to please everyone leads him to lie to Kurt instead of be honest about what’s going on with June.  But alas, television. 

However, as we’ve talked about earlier -- Blaine’s ultimate goal is to make everyone happy at the expense of his own happiness, so it isn’t out of nowhere that Blaine would try to please June and Kurt at the same time, in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything before someone rejects him. 

Old Dogs, New Tricks

So... this episode really isn’t about Blaine or the Klaine issues at all.  Chris was perhaps wise (and maybe mandated a little) not to even get into it.  

The thing, though, we do see is that Blaine’s spending a lot of time on his fantasy career ideas with June.  He does recognize that Kurt isn’t really happy with life, and while the Klaine issues will eventually hit the fan, that’s not what this episode is about.  It’s about Kurt trying to find his own place, and make his own happiness, when everyone around him is becoming more successful.  It’s really not Blaine’s issue -- and I’m glad Chris didn’t make it out to be.  

Instead, Blaine plays the supportive partner here, and while they do need to work more of their shit out, I’m glad they do get a softer, and more emotionally aware moment here.  

The Untitled Rachel Berry Project

So, Kurt mentions in this episode that he and Blaine have had some long conversations about their relationship.  And while I’m sure that’s true (probably a lot after Tested), I do have to wonder if Blaine wasn’t listening as well as he should have been.  I think, in order to preserve things, Blaine probably nodded along, and took more notes on how to be the world’s perfect boyfriend, while maybe not actually comprehending some of the issues Kurt laid out.  All the while, I’m guessing that Blaine didn’t express many of his wants or needs, in order to not rock the boat.  Unfortunately, all of this holding back, on both their parts, comes back to haunt them. 

The big lie comes out, that Kurt isn’t in the showcase, and this plays a lot on Kurt’s insecurities, partly about being a failed performer, and a lot about his trust issues with Blaine from the last time they broke up.  Blaine is the type of guy who tries to make everything perfect until he literally can’t anymore, and he’s left there being forced to tell the truth, even though he knows it’ll hurt himself and Kurt.  And while this, normally, would be a minor thing, because of their past history -- this self-imposed forced disappointment is what he expects.  Because he believes that sooner or later, he’s going to eventually disappoint everyone he loves, and they will eventually leave him.  

The thing is -- Blaine has a tendency to push people away, because he thinks that’s what he deserves.  But interestingly, Kurt comes back to him -- and they talk about it.  

And, I’m just gonna quote my Kurt Meta cause I don’t feel like writing it all out, but the Klaine scene here is important! 

So - yeah, let’s break this down…  Kurt’s pretty stiff when he comes to Blaine, arms crossed, looking forward out at the birds and not at Blaine.  He’s thought through is anger, but these kind of conversations are still hard for Kurt.  But then there’s Blaine – who outright says to him that the showcase doesn’t mean anything without Kurt – that /Kurt/ is more important to him than his career.  And Kurt visibly relaxes when he hears this.  Because its confirmation of something he does already know – that Blaine really does love him.  He seems to fuck it up, but he loves him.  And it’s something Kurt really did need to hear again.  

(Obviously vise versa needs to happen, too, but more on that in a second.)

So - Kurt goes on talking about birds, and builds this elaborate metaphor around them – about how taking a step out of the nest is freakin’ scary, but you can’t stay in that nest forever – at some point you have to trust that you can fly.  And even if you fall and hit the ground, you have to keep on trying.  

Well, Kurt comes to the smart conclusion that relationships are like his bird metaphor – you can’t have a relationship unless there is implicit trust there as a foundation.  And he’s learned, the hard way, that yeah, sometimes one of them is going to fuck up and they will hit the ground like a stone, but if you hold on to your faith that it’ll be all fine in the end – that you can help each other out keep that solid foundation, it’ll be okay.  Because at the end of the day, you can’t ever be 100% that someone won’t hurt you again, you can’t control anyone else but yourself (oohh and Kurt letting go of complete control is huge - HUGE).  

And yeah, yeah this little speech is nice and all but what about what’s about to happen? What about the second break up?  Do you guys remember in Dance With Somebody when Blaine says to Kurt - if you’re unhappy talk to me don’t cheat on em?  Well - this is almost the inverse of that.  Kurt says to Blaine that you don’t even know if or when someone’s going to break that trust – and this is true, because yeah, Kurt is going to fuck it up not that long after this conversation.  

But this is a resolution to the original issue back in season 4 – Kurt’s finally understanding that in order for this thing to work, he has to choose to trust Blaine.  Blaine can’t instill that in him – it’s something Kurt has to do for himself.  And for better or worse, he does choose to trust Blaine, to love Blaine, to let Blaine in implicitly.  Blaine has been desperately trying to break through Kurt’s shell since the whole cheating incident, get back into that place in Kurt’s heart.  But what Blaine doesn’t know - or realize - and what Kurt’s just figuring out himself, is that it’s not about Blaine’s ability – it’s about Kurt allowing it to happen.  

Kurt doesn’t let people into his world, past is exterior, implicitly into his heart – but on a smaller scale, this whole June ordeal kind of just puts things into perspective.  Yeah – he was mad about Blaine’s lie – but he realizes that the way Kurt was acting about it, he was going to be hurt either way.  And he can be mad and be angry, but at the end of the day, they all have choices to make, and Kurt makes the decision to still stand by Blaine through the hard stuff as well as the easy stuff.  

(But what about season 6? Well – we’ll talk about that when we get there ;))

I will say this – Kurt never breaks his promise about loving Blaine no matter what.  Even through the stupidity of the second breakup, it’s really not because he doesn’t love Blaine.  That’ll always be apart of him, and the more they go on, the more he understands his own heart will always feel that way.  

Meanwhile – Kurt actually can be (gasp) a loving and supportive partner.  Yeah, it’s hard on him to feel unwanted by June – he’s been fighting that fight since forever.  But he is proud of Blaine, wants Blaine to fly incredibly high – and much like way back when in season 3 with Tony – he’ll be there giving Blaine flowers and telling him how amazing he is.  Which is reassurance that Blaine needs, but doesn’t always get.  

(I realize that’s mostly Kurt’s POV - but it covers what’s going on with Blaine, too.)  

The thing though, while Kurt’s learning what it means to trust again, Blaine really just wants everything to be fine.  And gives in to Kurts wants and needs immediately.  The one problem, really, that’s still lingering is the fact that Blaine is still only defining himself through his relationship, and that’s not good, and is part of the reason Kurt’s going to pull away, and ultimately break up with him, the second time.  

But, we do end the season on a happy note.  Blaine, feeling the love and support from Kurt, is able to stand up to June, and is able to have a moment for himself, where he gets to express his true self, in the form of showing everyone his love for Kurt at the showcase.  We also get a moment of a small step forward when Kurt let’s Blaine have a bit of the loft -- a small space to call his own.  

Yes, ultimately it’s going to break down again, but it’s a first step.  By the end of the season, Blaine and Kurt have started to learn what being in a real, adult relationship is like, but ultimately, for Blaine, he needs to learn to be okay with himself first and foremost, and that is what Season 6 was about... 

If you’d like to continue on, here’s the Season 6 Blaine Meta! 

I know there are things I didn’t get into -- like Blaine’s relationship with Sam, but idk, I don’t think there was much to pick apart there.  

If you guys have any questions on specific things, let me know! :) 

[mimiri22-6]

I JUST FOUND OUT BEE AND PUPPYCAT HAD A SECOND SEASON! GUESS WHAT I JUST FINISHED WATCHING!

Oh my fucking god holy shit, my guys! This show. This fucking show. Where do I even start! First off

SPOILERS!!!!!!

YOU DO NOT WANT TO WALK INTO THIS SEASON, THIS SHOW, WITH SPOILERS! DO NOT FUCKING LOOK, THIS IS 1000% SPOILER TERRITORY!!!

So I will be taking the extra step of taking my laptop out, and continuing this on there(and after I wake up because it's 4am and I regret absolutely NONE of this whatsoever because, guys, I love this show with everything I have left to my being, I swear, I will die for a third season)

Warning: This is a long one.

OKOKOKOK! I know I know! It’s been uh...A Month since I first posted this! BUT I am Here Now and Ready!!! I am less than 10 seconds into the first episode of season 2 and I am already So Ready to relive this!!(Dream SMP has Nothing on this show, God I Love This Show Far Too Much!!!!!!)

...First ten minutes...I have So Much I want to say...Just-just a lot of love...

okokokokokokokokokok!!!!!! I think I know how I’m going to do this now! One bullet for each episode! Let’s see if I stick with it.

Gentle Touch

In the first episode we already get a big game changer for Bee and her development. Bee becoming more responsible as a favor for Deckard. He asks her to take care of his family while he’s at cooking school and we already see her doing this. Going out to the ocean with Weasley, going out of her comfort zone for people she’s practically family to, which is why we got the beginning flashback, once again going out of her comfort zone to stop Puppycat from punching kittens, And Finally, coming out from her nap cupboard to face Howl and help pay for bills by eating ugly food.

Little Fingers

Ooh, this one has foreshadowing dream sequence. I would say more about it if it had more significance, but it’s really just what happens to Bee in the last ep. This episode brings more of Bee being responsible, trying to take her phone away from Puppycat so he stops making bad purchases. This episode made me realize what Puppycat’s role is this season, the child. Or something among those lines. He’s the same as he was last season, but it seems/is a bit more exaggerated because Bee isn’t doing the same things anymore. She’s started to care about consequences. And speaking about consequences, Toast announces she’s pregnant while confirming that she’s been staying...in Cass’s room(?)...weird, but ok, and by Tim pointing and Merlin’s reaction, it’s Merlin’s...but also everyone else seemed like they thought they were the culprit and I don’t want to think about the implications of that....MOVING ON-OH WAIT, And Cardamon’s mom is spouting magic tears that messes with the plants, so there’s that.

Snow and Violets

I’m going to be honest, I’m not 100% sure what to put here and I’m loosing steam. (I’ve been awake since 3 am...) But I think I can put something. The situation with Mr. Cup is the definition of being haunted by your past. The guilt and regret of cheating in the past has made him lose his motivation to give it his all in racing because, what’s the point? Motivation and not caring was his norm, so he just stuck with it. Until Bee, and now he can be a rainbow and sleep with less guilt and regret on his conscience. The thing with the island rapidly changing could be one of three things. Something to do with the ship that  Is the island, a metaphor for change, or something really cool the creators just wanted.

Day off Work

Not Too much to note for this ep overall. Puppycat totally did do the ‘wrecking the house in search for the owner’ thing dogs do. Finally, a dog trait! Every time I see Cardamon now I just get sad cause he’s 7, and should Not be doing landlord stuff. Bee showing worry about how Cardamon’s mom is still asleep and being worried about Cardamon himself, I’m just glad someone’s noticing. I keep forgetting that some people haven’t watched the pilot so they don’t know about Puppycat being a Space Outlaw, so when he found all his stuff under the apartment I was less surprised and more excited. The two last things I want to say is I think it’s interesting/cool/intriguing how the Wizard family just takes every weird thing either in stride, unquestioningly, or ignorance. Just trying to pretend it didn’t happen so they don’t have to deal with it(other than Crispin, but he’s coming up). And the last thing I just want to bring to light is CARDAMON BEING SO CUTE IN THE LAST SCENE! JUST BEING A CHILD! AND LAUGHING WITH HIS DOG! ON A FUNNY CHAIR! I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR AND I WILL PROTECT THAT SMILE WITH MY WHOLE BEING!!!

My Favorite

Note, Pretty Patrick is also The Mayor. Alright. It’s definitely been a few months and you can see the relationship between Howl and Bee has gotten better, not that it was too bad to begin with, just a bit less peeved on Howl’s end. The theme of Bee being responsible is brought into play again with the train station scene. Telling Puppycat to not hit and the way Puppycat was acting around Patrick. All little kid stuff. Which also kind of clashes with what I thought was Puppycat being older than Bee by a lot, I’m honestly slowly getting more and more confused exactly how I should perceive Puppycat. THE FIRST REAL LOOK AT THE HAND GUYS! I’m still not sure what their deals are, but they have a corpse on their hands and that is already the biggest red flag. I have a guess as to what/who they are in relation to Puppycat and, by acquaintance, Bee, but I could be wrong, but I also can’t think of any other people they may be. I’ll bring it back up either the next time we see them or at the end.

Did You Remember

Grampa Puppycat cares about his granddaughter a whole lot. Don’t @ me, their dynamic is more confusing than a moving maze...Now this episode, ooh boy, it feels like a lot, but in a minimal way? First off, Cardamon finally breaks down about the stress of being a 7 year old landlord and Bee takes care of him for the day. Big Sis Bee For The Win! DON’T @ ME I MAKE UP MY OWN FAMILY DYNAMICS!!! Kind of continuing from the first sentence, Puppycat and Bee love each other(I Stand By Platonically For Them) so much already, for them it’s been a little over a year considering Puppycat fell into Bee’s life before her last birthday and now they’re celebrating another one. And I must admit, I can not for the life of me figure out wtf the deal is with the tears. They have little shapes of recent events in them and they make plants weird/straight up just make life! Like, What Even Is That?! Also, Cardamon finally gets a good sleep.

Bird Friend

Ok, so we got more ship pieces, a most likely reason as to why Puppycat was Like That in the last few episodes of season 1 and has been goopy every now and again in this season. Apparently eating things he shouldn’t eat make him Extremely off model and goopy. More hands! But not the rest of them this time around. I wonder if Sticky’s hunt for all the birds has any significance other than showing us another piece. Puppycat breaking down and spilling a few secrets after stress eating off the floor and Bee immediately saying no to someone else telling her what’s wrong with Puppycat and letting him come to her first instead of forcing him is always such a good lesson to have. Also, Cass is into weirdly shaped shiny things.

Two Clown Noses

Ah, it’s this one. The one that Really throws a wrench into the Bee/Deckard ship. THEY’RE BOTH SO CUTE! I CAN’T CHOOSE!!! This entire episode is just Crispin and Bee hanging out with the added angst of the beginning ‘story’. This world is full of such amazingly crazy characters and Crispin’s backstory is one of those crazier ones. Bee and him Lived Together and Know Each Other, he knows she’s a robot! My only question is, what happened that they broke up? WAIT- DID THEY EVEN BREAK UP?! It would be weird if they weren’t because they were living together and then they decide to live separate again would make no sense. I think I just jumped to the weirdest conclusion...Anyway! How would Puppycat get sick? I feel like that was just another thing they added to create different dynamics. The beginning birthday thing and the conclusion felt so real even though the cause was something so out there that I feel like only animated shows like this could pass, but also I feel like someone out there has done something similar, so what do I know. Yeah, not much else about this episode, it was mostly just Bee/Crispin stuff and character stuff. Gosh they’re so cute...but so is Bee/Deckard. Being a multishipper is hard...

Funny Lying

RIGHT! THEY’RE CALLED THE WARLOCKS! THAT’S THE TITLE I WAS FORGETTING! Tim knows everyone’s secrets, comes with the perk of having a lot of time and not talking much, you observe everyone else while they think you’re doing something else. I know from experience. Eavesdropping is a specialty of mine. SHIT THIS IS THE ONE WHERE CASS GETS THE MESSAGE DISSING HER FOR FALLING FOR TOAST FROM A COWORKER! I caught those vibes during the first season, but then the first half of this season came along and I was forced to drop those vibes in favor of cannon because TOAST WAS PREGOS WITH ONE OF CASS’S BROTHER’S KIDS! I’m good at catching gay vibes in fictional worlds, but I’m shit in the real world, just like everything else. And the thing is, we don’t get Any kind of explanation/closure for the entire rest of the season! We see Toast totally shocked reaction, probably moments before she was going to sneak attack Cass, but froze upon seeing that text. AND WE GET NOTHING ABOUT THAT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON! Anyway, that was only like 2 minutes into the ep, this is taking forever. We got more Bee being responsible for Cardamon and getting rid of the tears, but the biggest part of this episode is undoubtedly Puppycat’s scenes. We got him sinking to the bottom of the ocean and getting cradled by flowers created by the tears next to the ship. We find out he was bullied and ridiculed in school as a kid and his best friend(idk what else they would be counted as), Violet, convinced him to leave their planet after they accidently summon their ship, leaving Puppycat’s mother behind. seeing how he cried about leaving her she seems to have been a great caretaker and he loved her immensely. We get the scene of Bee’s dad as a baby/Very young child on a mission, giving a presentation, and finding the candy to be a source of energy by cracking it open. Making me think, ‘Is that Bee’s fuel source? If it is, how would not taking full doses for two years effect her?’ because in the first season she splits the candy in half to share with Puppycat and in this season she didn’t eat the candy at all. Makes me even more worried for the future knowing what state she’s in when this season ends. With the last flower fever dream/memory it seems that the princess that he fell in love with was the one to make the final move to turning him into a ‘monster.’ Don’t worry tho, Bee saved him from the bottom of the ocean 

Golden Eyes

(I’m getting more and more tired as this goes one. I started doing this at around 12 this morning and now it’s nearing 6 pm. I’m loosing it!) We got another birthday and it’s Howl’s this time, though it’s not really his episode. The fish are attracted to the wish crystals for some reason and one eats a bit of it to be ‘human’ for a day. I love how the fish hated being a human and Weasley didn’t even notice it was a date. I don’t know if it was or not, but ending on that was funny. We got the return of the major douche from the season 1 finally and a mention of Moully. 

Why Don’t You Help Me?

(I took a break between episodes, aka I went tf to sleep, because I was falling asleep at the table and not really processing everything enough for what I’m trying to do) Ok, so this is a day in the life of Cardamon episode with supposed parelles to the Warlocks. We start with the red one stuck and the others unwilling to help...and then they start drawing Puppycat’s face on the 5th one’s corpse and these guys just do not care that it’s a dead body that they supposedly killed themselves. In short, they have all my fear because they are uncaring about body counts. Cardamon still goes to school on top of being a self proclaimed landlord and gets made fun of for being responsible and tattling at every chance he gets. Something I just noticed too is, at first I just assumed he was finally getting tired after being an adult in a child’s body for who knows how long, but now I’m thinking if he’s supposed to be asleep with Violet, his mom, then the reason for him being so tired is being awake too long. It could most likely be both, too. Just like Cardamon, I have no idea what all the tears mean. In the most recent one was see Moully as the charm in the center. What’s the pattern with these? Again we see Bee being responsible and taking care of Cardamon, making sure he gets home safe, tucking him in, and pulling an all night favor so he can sleep and get to school in the morning. Speaking of that, I can’t say I like Cardamon’s teachers all that much. I could rant about them, but this is already long and they’re not worth it. My only real question is, why the hell are their clothes so ragged and dirty? Do they not know how to bathe? Just, WTF? (either that or they’re Really not trying to hide their *ahem* activities from the kids, which just makes me want to punch sense into them or something)

Now I’m Really Alone

MOULLY!!!! Sorry, I just love him a lot. From what I can put together, he’s some kind of gift giving being. Giving wishes, exchanging good deeds and quick favors for other good deeds and favors. Just being Really nice and wanting to help everyone he comes across. This episode makes me see so much in common between Bee and Moully. They both want to help even when they don’t know how. Making messes and finding ways clean up those messes out of guilt and the feeling of obligation. They both have lost things they need to pick up and the knowledge that they have all the time in the world because they’ve both been alive for so long. It keeps getting hinted, but now kind of confirmed, that the Wizard’s know Bee is Weird because they haven’t seen her age. Hell, seeing how she interacts with Cardamon she could have even baby sat them. So all the Wizard’s know she’s Weird and, supposedly, only Crispin knew she was a robot. That was until Deckard found out in the season 1 finally. Once again bringing up the point of people in the Wizard family finding something out and ignoring it and hiding it. In the season 1 finally, Tim asked Cass if Deckard wasn’t depressed anymore, practically saying that Deckard has some form of depression. Depression being a mental illness that runs in families, it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that some other members of the family have similar problems. One of the things I remember depression doing is the person will see a problem and ignore it. Something that many people in this show do with the weirdness around them and the emotional states/situations of the other people in the show. This season is about finally seeing the thing you’ve been ignoring and doing something about it. And that’s what Bee’s been doing this season, taking charge and finally getting her junk out of the ocean and getting REALLY far out of her comfort zone. She HATES water and the ocean, but she’s diving in to take back what’s hers and cleaning up a mess. There’s A Lot to analyze with this episode, the similarities of Moully’s and Bee’s situations and personalities, Puppycat being the responsible one again for the long run of things, the tears and how the wish crystals work, and the state of multiple character’s minds. Ignorance is bliss until it isn’t.

I Won’t Leave You Alone

Ok, SO MANY NOTES! Which makes sense seeing how it’s the last episode. First off, THOSE WARLOCK BASTDARDS VIOLATED MOULLY AND IF THEY WERE REAL I WOULD THROTLE THEM TILL THEIR HEADS POPPED OFF!!! I am a very protective person when it comes to things I care about. And I’m going to say it here and now incase something comes up of it, Cooking Prince gives be Colorful Vibes, if you know what I mean. You don’t follow someone home and bother them when they don’t want to be bothered unless you’re Into into them. That’s all I’m saying and if nothing comes of it, I will drop it. I’m barely hanging onto it to begin with. So, last episode we watched one of three hands punching the other hands to let Moully go, and in this episode it’s confirmed that the day Moully was pulled through the void, the 5th warlock died. My theory with that is, the 5th one was against getting Puppycat in some way and retaliated by fighting them off of Moully and then the others retaliated by killing them in some way. And the tears in this episode didn’t give life to the corpse, but grew new life over top of it, the tears can’t bring the dead back. The ship gets put back together and we see Puppycat being pretty selfish again, bringing the ship online while Bee gets scooped trying to help Moully. He indirectly helped, but only after he got what he wanted. Cooking Prince, an outsider, brings up how everything going on on the island is Weird and Cass celebrates someone acknowledging it. Once again, bringing back the ‘ignorance is bliss until it’s not’ thing going on around here. Cardamon does more childish things this episode, making a wish and crying in his mother’s arms. He got to finally let go of his responsibilities and let it out until he passed out, and now he gets to sleep again. Moully and Bee are out of commission and the Wizard’s+Cooking Prince stay one the island/ship to be with Bee even though they are mostly confused about EVERYTHING going on rn. Bee has multiple Bees now while she’s out, and so, they go looking for Bee’s dad. I have a feeling he has at least some white hairs by now.

I remember watching this season for the first time. I remember I definitely cried at multiple points, but I can’t exactly remember what points now. I didn’t cry this time, I was too busy taking everything in and trying to put what little pieces I could find together. The first season was to get us used to this world and get comfortable for a chill ride, but then it smacks you in the face with something much bigger at the very end. This season was to make you pay more attention and to question your surroundings. It was also about the first steps to taking charge of your life. If Bee didn’t do all the responsible things she did this season, the warlocks would have probably gotten Puppycat while the island went to shambles. Actions have consequences and that’s what this was about. I believe next season is why ‘Lazy in Space’ was the title. The characters are going to be in space, looking for Bee’s dad, and will acknowledge all the weird things going on while developing, excuse the pun, in out of this world ways. 

I can’t wait for season 3.