#something something 85% of my impulse control

[sheyshen]

until things are settled here and i get a good budget going I'm not letting myself get any games so i'm gonna be living vicariously through you guys for avowed, MH wilds, and KCD2. i look forward to all the screenshots!

[high-voltage-rat]

Somebody PLEASE check on Cysero his absence in the epilogue after that absolutely LOADED ending cutscene is SO suspect. What is he UP TO??? What the hell WAS all that??? Mr. The Mad Magical Weaponsmith Please Get Back Here And Explain Yourself!!!

[incorrectbuddie118]

Season 8B prediction:

Buck, does something reckless:

Bobby: How could you do this? You are so reckless

Buck: Eddie's gone. He's pretty much 85% of my impulse control.

(x)

[deadboyquotes]

Charles: Edwin is off at a client meeting, so I'm gonna go do something stupid.

Crystal: Why?

Charles: Edwin’s like 85% of my impulse control, you should know this by now.

[pepprs]

hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗

[escapism-from-the-real-world]

Dustin: Shane and Tori are on a ninja mission without me so I’m going to do something unbelievably stupid

Kelly: Why??

Dustin: They are 85% of my impulse control

[omniseurs-blog]

Notes to help my brother (and myself)

From: an ADHD guide to Emotional Dysregulation and Rejection - youtube

People with ADHD feel all emotions more intensely, including reactions and expressions.

Everyone with ADHD, especially children are always at risk of being overwhelmed from within (inside their minds). People with ADHD grow up to distrust themselves.

Ahhh is primarily a problem of insufficient inhibition (lack of self control). 85% of our brains are inhibitory in function. We are only aware of the other 15% that makes something happen that we can see and experience. Most of the brains activity occurs outside of awareness.

Stimulant class meds work solely in the corpus striatum. This part inhibits all of the neurological input except the one most important piece of info at the time. Otherwise we would be overwhelmed by everything. Corpus Striatum handles all of the background info (inhibits direct awareness of it all)

Inattention, lack of inhibition of distractions

Impulsivity, lack of inhibition of the expression of actions and emotions before thinking

Hyperactivity, lack of inhibition of physical and mental activity

(All dysfunction of the corpus striatum)

When this are of the brain isn't working as it should, you can't regulate experience and expression of emotions. Emotions are experienced unmodified and unscreened, which is overwhelming, embarrassing, and intense.

People with ADHD must always be vigilant of themselves. Traditional therapies (CBT, talk therapy, etc.) have been largely ineffective in helping people control expression of what they think and feel, you have to be able to see inappropriate expressions coming - for CBT and cognitive therapies to work/use the techniques, which they don't have the warning form.

What can currently be done?

Medications have a proven track record. Stimulants (amphetamines, methylphenidate) directly with inhibition. Alpha agonists (guanfacine, clonidine) inhibit energy driving speed & intensity of (emotional) response.

Rejection sensitivity/rsd

We don't know what it is, new "thing"

"have you always been much more sensitive than others you know to rejection, testing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?", yes.

What is it?

RSD is more than the universal discomfort of failure and rejection. As far as we can tell, 95% of all people with ADHD and virtually no one without ADHD. Many times RSD is not disruptive to daily life, but for 30% of people with ADHD, RSD is the worst part of their ADHD.

How's it experienced?

No warning, instantaneous, commonly physically painful, uncontrollable, has to run it's course, indescribable, no words to describe the feeling.

Internalized, looks like an instant major depression with suicidal thinking

Externalized, presents as rage directed at the person or situation that "wounded" them

Sudden, triggered change often leads to common misdiagnosis of BPD.

How do people protect themselves against RSD?

Perfectionism; above reproach (?)

"people pleaser", forget what they want for themselves

Stop trying/give up/slack

Alpha agonist meds

(I try to hide all of my interest and hobbies so that nobody is aware of the things I am afraid of getting rejected about)

Alpha agonist medications:

Originally blood pressure medications that worked poorly (1983) (when they did work, they only lowered blood pressure by 10%)

Guanfacine (intuniv), Clonidine (kapvay)

FDA approved for the treatment of hyperactive component of ADHD for 30yrs

Exact mechanism in ADHD, especially RSD is unknown, only theoretical. They (guanfacine, clonidine) seem to work equally well, but for different groups of people

Robust response to any one med is disappointingly low, 30%. But a different group of people responds preferentially to each molecule

Should not be used together. Typical dose is 3mg guanfacine, or 0.3mg colodine per day. Doses work 80% of the time for 30% the meds work for.

Side effects: sedation, mild, goes away after ~3 mo. Dry mouth. Dizziness standing up.

Summary:

Emotional Dysregulation is almost universal in ADHD, should be fundamental to diagnosis. RSD is an old concept not yet researched in modern era. RSD is a concept for now, relationship with emotional Dysregulation in general not clear. Seems to be a "thing" that resonates with a large number of people w/ADHD. The corpus striatum is majorly theorized to be responsible for ADHD. Two specific blood pressure meds (guanfacine, clonidine) help with Emotional regulation and RSD.

[kissorkill16]

Zach: Magenta got checked out early, so I'm gonna go do something obviously stupid and dangerous.

Warren: Why?

Zach: She's like 85% of my impulse control.

[crehador]

Is it alright to ask for Rijyu hc’s?(I love the idea of horse-kun third wheeling the hell outta them, ESPECIALLY after they get together UvU)

OF COURSE

personally i like to imagine rijyu as a somewhat "boring" couple, though really i just mean soothing and untumultuous without a lot of drama in their relationship (so "boring" but in a good way)

and i think a lot of my hcs of them as a couple are shaped by them as individuals, because they strike me as partners who would gladly be shaped by each other

like hc that rio is just more comfortable out in the woods, so when they look for a place together they look for a place closer to or in nature (but compromise by getting an actual house and not living out of tents forever)

before they move in together hc that rio is only really comfortable sleeping in the city if he's at jyuto's apartment, he's too on edge to fall asleep anywhere else

hc that they do forever go on a lot of camping trips together because rio loves them, even if they aren't jyuto's favorite thing

as for jyuto i see him as potentially a bit of a workaholic, who has to always be reminded to take breaks (though tbh i also hc rio not being the best at keeping track of time like he could be off on a solo camping trip and just not notice that five days have passed, so they need to really both hold each other accountable for like... actually remembering to see each other and civilization lol)

anyway so basically!! hc that sometimes they just don't see each other for a while, either because jyuto is busy or rio is hyperfixating on something in the woods or both, but when they do they are so lovey-lovey and go on a bunch of unexpectedly classy dates

like coffee shops hipster bars museums art galleries the aquarium, and shopping once in a while (have always loved the hc that jyuto is very fashionable and chooses a lot of rio's outfits and the one time rio was left to his own devices he went full avocado smh) but always making sure to go when there aren't huge crowds because rio's not the biggest fan of crowds

samatoki definitely hangs around a lot lol in part because ichiro is like 85% of his impulse control so if ichiro is busy he needs babysitting but also in part because ofc they are family! nakama!! so i don't think rijyu getting together changes that, and despite all the sibling-esque bickering imo they get along well and are one of the most ride or die divisions (though okay i say that about like literally every division lmao they are all ride or die to me)

this is getting long and unorganized so i'll stop soon lol

basically my tl;dr rijyu hc is they are battle couple* by day and soft comfy reading long novels and cuddling on the couch by night type of couple

*like if one of them were hurt the other would absolutely lose his entire shit and probably do at least one murder let's be honest

[juicezone]

hi!!! sorry it took me so long im home now uhh ward with ✈️🎻🎶💯💤🔺🌴💛🍛🤩? (feel free to leave any out if that's too many!!)

HI FRIEND also congrats on getting 2 of the ones that I had instant art ideas for <3 Under the cut bc its long!

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person? Ward defintely doesn't mind travelling! And honestly, most of the people he considers friend and/or family are on the same ship as him, so it's a home away from home :>

🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)?

Ward: I can play a mean Kazoo! (DOOT) Bones: Thought we got rid of those -_-

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often? When regressed: He listens to cartoon intro songs! He's especially fond of "older cartoon" intros (aka intros from now lol) like Magic School Bus or Wild Kratts When not regressed: Rock music and it's varients (punk rock, indie rock, ect) His fav song is "Birdhouse in your Soul" :D

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1: Ward's handwriting is absolutely atrocious. Like if you asked him to handwrite something and then read it a month later, he probably wouldn't be able to :P 2: He doesn't actually have a hairbrush or a comb and it drives some of his friends up the wall. He has perpetual bedhead and when he takes a shower he just shakes his head like a dog before drying off 3: Ward can't swim and he refuses to admit it, he just claims he doesn't go swimming bc fish and people pee in the water

💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits? he's a A literal nightmare to get to sleep when regressed, which is lowkey funny bc when he's not regressed, Ward can and will fall asleep most places easily. He's a pretty heavy sleeper, but a major night owl, and needs noise to fall asleep! (he usually just puts on recorded weather documentaries or those rain playlists. nerd)

regressed, he usually has to be put to sleep like 2 or three times before he finally goes to bed :P

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons? Like most Starfleet officers, he knows how to use a Phaser and some general self-defense! he tends to steer away from fights tho, he's a science officer not a security officer for a reason :P (he will throw hands if u argue weather w him tho)

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening?

Ward: Sorry I killed the plant, Spock Spock:.... Plant: (Is fake)

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any? Technically, thanks to the Handy Dandy Universal Communicator technology of Star Trek, Ward speaks pretty much any language in the system!

🍛 CURRY AND RICE — what does your oc's typical dinner look like? do they usually eat dinner? He generally defaults to whatever his friends are eating and whatever vegetable is forced upon him, otherwise he defaults to quick and easy to eat finger food! He's not overly picky, but he's not a huge fan of like. non-deli meat meats. Like he'll eat turkey sandwiches and stuff but porkchops or steak? Not usually a fan. Beef stew tho, he will decimate a bowl of good beef stew with bread.

🤩 FACE WITH STARRY EYES — is your oc a planner, or are they more spontaneous in their actions?

Ward: my friend (Bones) is on a cruise so while he's gone i'm gonna cut the sleeves off all my shirts Kirk: Why Ward: he's pretty much 85% of my impulse control

[kimbapisnotsushi]

Do you happen to have any spare hiruhoshi headcanons for the poor?

OH YM GOD. ANON. THANK YOU.

hoshiumi, before jumping up to land a spike: [points at hirugami] "THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, BABE!" [misses completely and crashes into the net]

hoshiumi is super physically affectionate (a trait that i think stems from rough-housing with his siblings a lot) so he never thinks twice about grabbing hirugami's hand or leaning against him or tucking himself under hirugami's arm

hirugami absolutely cannot get used to it his mind explodes every single time

also, lots of knuckle kisses. hoshiumi really really wanted to after he caught hirugami doing what he did but they didn't get together until way later, so he makes up for lost time by pressing a kiss to hirugami's knuckles whenever they have to leave each other

speaking of which?? dude holy fuck my HEART like man i felt that in my hands that was brutal

okay sorry i had to get that out

hirugami is just constantly waxing poetic about hoshiumi in his head 24/7 but nobody would ever guess it because a) he's got a really good poker face and b) he's always doing the exact opposite and scolding hoshiumi for something or other

occasionally he'll blurt out something really smooth during a moment that makes him think "wow i'm really in love with him" and it catches hoshiumi so off guard that he just starts spluttering and short-circuits into silence for like a whole hour

hoshiumi: "sachirou is visiting his grandparents so while he's gone i'm going to cut off the sleeves on all my shirts" hakuba: "why???" hoshiumi: "he's pretty much 85% of my impulse control"

the entire team supports them but also. the entire team would really appreciate it if they weren't constantly being sappy and disgusting right in front of their faces

(liam thinks they're goals tho. he stares at them like "wow i want a relationship just like hoshiumi-senpai and hirugami-senpai" and bessho is in the background taking notes)

i think they're actually one of the most stable well-adjusted couples you'll probably get in haikyuu which is. something the second-gen captain squad is EXTREMELY incredulous about

[second-gen squad group chat] shirabu: "i REFUSE to accept that this whole clown has a better love life than i do what the FUCK" hoshiumi: "being an asshole doesn't get you bitches kenjirou xoxo get well soon"

their siblings love each other btw. obviously fukurou and shouko ADORE hoshiumi and want to play volleyball with him all the time (fukurou makes him promise to join whatever team he captains when hoshiumi goes pro LMAO) and akitomo thinks hirugami is a good influence on hoshiumi

before they started dating hoshiumi very unsubtly tried to feel hirugami out and asked him what his type was and hirugami told him "someone short with white hair" and hoshiumi went "you like the old grandpa who lives down the street from you??"

they get together after hoshiumi ended up at hirugami's with a box of kittens during a rainstorm all "I FOUND THEM ON THE STREET SACHIROU WHAT SHOULD WE DO" and hirugami looked at him, sopping wet and jacket bundled around the kitties, and went "can i kiss you right now?"

i'm telling you he's smooth without even realizing it

koutarou (hirugami's dog) really really loves hoshiumi and loves cuddling with him and when they're cuddling together hirugami is never really sure who to be more jealous of

btw hirugami knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with hoshiumi when they were talking about what kind of house they wanted to get in the future and hoshiumi was like "oh, we need lots of room for the animals you'll bring home! you gotta teach me how to take care of them, sachirou" and hirugami just went "FUCK" really loudly on the inside

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

[darkestspring]

Aemond: Now that Eloise is gone I'm going to set Devil's Acre on fire

Vivian: Why?!

Aemons: She's like 85% of my impulse control

eloise, shivering as her father and sisters hug her gently: oh no...

borros: daughter? what is wrong?

floris: are you sick, sweet eloise?

eloise: no, i just have the feeling that my husband is doing something bad.

maris: forget about your stupid husband!

[incorrect-thewilds-quote]

Fatin: Dorthey's visiting Shelby in Texas so when she's gone, I'm probably gonna do something irrational and stupid.

Leah: Why?

Fatin: She's pretty much 85% of my impulse control.

Leah: She's one person. She shouldn't be that much of your impulse control.

Fatin: Well, she yells at me until I stop and Dot is scary when she's angry.

[pacificwaternymph]

I think my favorite thing is when aus cross over so may I offer

Xornoth kid au meets Responsibility au

That's it that's the ask

Okay but legit I have thought about this idea before, or at least something similar.

Responsibility!Xornoth: That's a child!

Possessed!Kid!Xornoth: And that's an ugly ass bitch!

They're both really confused but Responsibility!Xornoth sees this as an opportunity to tell the kid what he really needed to hear at that age. Mostly things will get better, keep going, don't listen to Exor because he's full of shit, you know, that sort of thing.

Meanwhile Shrub is holding this baby version of herself at arms length because what is she supposed to do with a baby?

I though of a random story idea where Kid!Xornoth and Responsibility!Xornoth get swapped through inter dimensional shenanigans.

Kid!Xornoth is freaking out, because suddenly his mom is a baby, the wolves here don't know him, and Scott's his age, and everyone is looking at him weird why is everyone looking at him-

Meanwhile both Shrub and Responsibility!Xornoth have to deal with the surprisingly awkward situation of "This person that I consider close enough to be family, who is in some capacity like my child, is suddenly a full grown adult, and I don't know them at all."

ALSO! Baby Shrub handing Xornoth one of her wolf plushies to help him calm down and Xornoth holding onto it like a lifeline.

He and angsty teenager Scott fall asleep in the sheep pen together. Without their guardian figures all of their self care capabilities and like 85% of their impulse control just goes out the window.

Meanwhile the WRA is tearing the server apart. At first it was like heck yeah, no adult supervision, but then it went on for longer than a day and... well, they started trying to find their Xornoth and got more frantic the longer it went on.

Rough week for all of them

@shyrose57 what do you think? Any add ons?

[incorrectgearbreakers]

Arsen: Eris went to Godolia with Sona so while she's gone, I'm probably gonna end up doing something irrational and stupid

Juniper: Why?

Arsen: She's pretty much 85% of my impulse control

Juniper: She's one person. She shouldn't be that much of your impulse control

Arsen: Well, she yells at me until I stop and Eris is scary when she's angry

[violentviolette]

ik i shouldn't expect much from someone with mental illness bingo as their url and "gotta catch em all" as their bio but man, it's ok to not have aspd lmao. the symptoms are not as loose as people keep thinking, and it isn't exactly like what they're saying is impossible to understand either, like there is no actual miscommunication and they articulated themselves well, and they got an actual informed opinion. all these maybes from their references pale a little in comparison to someone with the actual disorder, who has spent years understanding it. in fact i think it's worth saying this has happened many many many times, i don't think i can count the amount of people you and I have collectively seen say they genuinely believe they have aspd only to exhibit a surface level understanding of the symptoms.

utterly insane also because I think I have a good amount of impulse control but reading that??? "a much louder and much scarier voice in my head said: don't, you know what will happen," yeah me too sometimes and my bitch ass still ends up kicking the chair from under my feet. idk all i can think of is "it don't work like that"

LITERALLY

like that part really fucking killed me. like bruh *that voice is the impulse control* like???? thats why i didnt wanna keep pushing it because genuinely i dont know how to explain something more clearly than that like u are actively saying that u had an internal voice that would tell u vehemently not to do something because the consequences would be terrible and u were able to listen to that voice and stop ur actions and then assess the situation for a better option and often were able to think clearly enough to redirect those impulses onto different people and behavior in order to not be caught

that is literally the exact definition of impulse control like. i dont know how else to break that down it is genuinely just beyond me. the amount of denial that people will be in and the sheer volume of ignorance they expel with FULL confidence is insane to me

i'd say a solid 85% of the people i see in the tag and who argue with me about this stuff have absolutely zero real in depth knowledge of how even just basic emotions function and work let alone how those then become disordered and the amount of times they will describe a genuine real and healthy emotion that the majority of people experience as a disordered symptom absolutely spins my fucking head