#sometimes we can find answers ro our questions by looking out instead of in

[cheerfullycatholic]

I think I'm gonna be thinking about hermit crabs for the rest of my life

[imagineanime2022]

S/O With Powers Like Raven

Tokoyami Fumikage X Reader, Shoto Todoroki X Reader, Hitoshi Shinso X Reader, Keigo Takami X Reader, Dabi X Reader,

Requested: @supernatural-hunter1

Request: I had this cute little ideas stuck in my head and I thought it was a really cute What if Tokoyami, Shoto, Shinsou, Hawks Dabi and Shigaraki had an S/O who’s quirk similar to Raven’s powers from original teen titans and I know, for a fact that TokoYami would fall harder in love than the others😂 I also did a story about it to if you want to go check it out sometime but I just thought it was cute. BTW, you did an amazing job with that Danny Phantom story😁 AND What if the class 1A students have an S/O who quirk is the same powers as Raven from “Teen Titans” (the original version)

Warnings: Bullying, Bad parenting, injury, any others let me know

Fumikage Tokoyami

🌙 You both sensed the other's energy from the moment that you walked into the classroom, well you kind of just appeared and he registered the change in the room. 🌙 You seemed to automatically stay away from people, you avoided talking to people or getting too close to them. 🌙 It wasn’t his excitement that felt from across the room, but Dark Shadow’s the demon took a liking to you the moment that she saw you so you had to address that because it was slightly distracting. 🌙 You were both fast friends but he fell for you the first time that he saw you interact with Dark Shadow when the villain attacked the training camp.

The moment that the villains made themselves known, you worried about the class mates that had already been sent out into the forest but honestly you were more worried about Tokoyami after having spoken about your powers, you knew that the darkness was going to make controlling Dark Shadow difficult. You took about 2 seconds to locate him and then teleport to where he was, you found him hands pressed to his head as he tried to contain Dark Shadow. “Tokoyami!” You called as you fell to your knees in front of him. “What are…you doing…here?” He asked as he managed to look up at you. “I came looking for you, I knew that Dark Shadow would be hard to control.” You explained. “You have to go, she’ll hurt you.” He reached forward trying to push you towards the trees. “She wouldn’t hurt me, I can help, trust me.” You pleaded, he doubled over again seemingly trying to contain the power that Dark Shadow harboured. You didn’t get a verbal answer from Tokoyami but you continued anyway. The moment that your power activated Dark Shadow seemed to focus on you. “Hey Shadow, I know that you feel a lot of power right now but you're hurting Tokoyami, you don’t want to do that do you?” “I don’t mean to.” Dark Shadow answered and you nodded as you lifted your hands drawing her closer to you, when her head finally rested in yours you started to slowly calm the rampaging emotions for both of them. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t worry, we’re okay now… All we need to do is find our way back now okay?” You asked. “Thank you.” Tokoyami said softly and you looked at him and smiled. “Of course.” You nodded, taking his hand and pulling him over with you.

🌙 From here on you both became very close, you were never seen far apart and you worked together well, with your ability to control and enhance the shadows and by extension Dark Shadow you became a formidable team. 🌙 It didn’t take long for you both to realise that the feelings you had extended past friendship. 🌙 Tokoyami fell hard for you, he made sure that you were safe and happy no matter the condition that he might be in. Kissing was out of the question given his beak, you pressed kisses to his cheeks and hands but he often showed affection by nuzzling you or running his hands through your hair instead. 🌙 You spent a lot of time together and it was usually in yours or his room at the dorm.

It had been a long day for both of you, you weren’t sure that you wanted to sit in the common room with the rest of your friends so you made your way to Tokoyami’s room which was closer than yours, you fell face first on his bed, he didn’t seem to be there yet so you closed your eyes for a moment hoping to get some rest before he got back.

When you opened your eyes again Dark Shadow was fliting around the room as Tokoyami sat at his desk. He seemed to be doing homework that you didn’t care to entertain at the moment. “You didn’t wake me.” You mumbled. “You seemed tired today, it’s better that you rested, you can go back to sleep, I’ll wake you when it’s time to eat.” He said as he turned to look at you, you shook your head sitting up and rubbing at your eyes. Tokoyami walked over to you sitting on the bed, you moved over and rested your head on his thigh. “What were you doing?” You asked. “Maths homework.” He answered as his hands started to run through your hair, Dark Shadow settled in a smaller form on your chest as you gently ran your hand over the entity. “Mm.” You hummed as your eyes started to close again, he knew that you were still tired and it wouldn’t take much to send you back to sleep, your rooms were very similar so you had already admitted that your felt safe enough to sleep there, but as he run his fingers through your hair he could see your face relaxing and he realised that he would do anything for you to always have this look on your face and you became a new reason for him to become a hero, to make a world where he could see you smile and relax this way all the time.

Shoto Todoroki

🔥 You and Shoto barely acknowledged each other at the start of the school year, you both had your goals and would stop at nothing to achieve them. 🔥 You guys got closer after the sports festival, after finding out that you both had Daddy issues that you needed to solve, you didn’t really need to talk when in each other's presence. 🔥 Shoto was super curious about your quirk, he’d never really seen anything like it, you were in some way able to mute most quirks that you came into contact with and despite the fact that it came from your father you weren’t afraid of using it. 🔥 The first time that he saw your father was during the Stain incident, while Iida, Midoriya and himself were dealing with Stain. You were dealing with your father.

“You really think that you can be a hero!?” Your father asked as you dodged yet another attack of pure energy. “You don’t know what I can do.” You glared at him but he was quick this time and the next attack that he sent out hit you, you fell over the side of the building that you had been fighting on, you couldn’t catch yourself before hitting the ground, you laid there dazed for a second before you rolled to the side avoiding yet another attack from your father. “(H/N)!” Your head turned to where Shoto was standing with Midoriya and Iida. “What are you doing here!?” You asked as you kept your eyes on your father. “Those are kids from your class?” He asked “well then shall I get rid of the distraction.” He lifted his hands towards them, you didn’t think twice about creating a shield in front of them but it left you vulnerable to another attack, which it seemed your dad had counted on, you saw the blast of energy and almost felt it before the ice came up around you protecting you, it was then that you all heard the pros that had been looking for the others heading down into the alley way, you stepped into the shadows and portaled out near Shoto and the others. “Are you guys okay?” You asked. “We’re fine, what about you?” Shoto asked. “I’m fine thanks to you.” You smiled. “Who was that?” Shoto asked. “That’s my Dad.” You answered as you looked at where he had been. “That’s your Dad?” Shoto asked. “Yeah I told you we both had family issues.” You nodded and he looked down the alley at Endeavour running towards them all and he thought for a second that at least his Dad cared about his safety.

🔥 You and Shoto were very much traumatised children so he recognised boundaries that you never really talked about but they were there. 🔥 You were part of the reason that he decided to try and repair his relationship with his Dad. 🔥 Stood with you no matter what you said or decided, you guys were a power couple without the couple part, you were both a little oblivious to the fact for a little while. 🔥 That is until you met his siblings, who loved you by the way.

“So Mum was asking when you're going to bring your partner to see her.” Natsuo teased, they had never seen Shoto shocked or caught off guard but the moment that he started choking Fiyumi leaned forward to pat his back Fuyumi leaned forward to pat his back and help to stop the coughing. “Natsuo you could have phrased that differently.” Fuyumi muttered as she handed him some water. “Mum just said that she was curious about the friend that you write about all the time is all.” “She did?” Shoto asked. “Have you told (Y/N) about Mum?” Natsuo asked. “Mmm, we talked about it.” He answered. “We’ve talked about our family a lot.” “You have?” Fuyumi asked. “Yeah, they said that they wished she had a brother and sister like you guys, they’ve been alone since their mum died so…” Shoto trailed off as his phone vibrated. His siblings watched as he picked up the phone and smiled, answering the text message immediately. “You should really think about that partner thing, you seem happier when you're with them almost like our Dad didn’t take everything from you.” Natsuo said as he stood from the table and carried his bowl to the sink where he washed it and then left to get on with the rest of his day. “Wait!” Shoto called out “how would I know that I like them?” “Well I mean I’ve seen you with them, you care about them right? You want to protect them from anything that might hurt them.” Natsuo shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “You also want to give them anything that they might want right? That’s why you introduced them to us, to a family.” Fuyumi added, Shoto bit down on his lip as he looked down at his Soba, they were right but did that mean that he liked you and if it did? What about you? Did you like him? “Shoto this is something that you have to talk to them about, knowing how they feel is important too.”

That was how Shoto found himself sitting in the small apartment that you called yours “something is bothering you, it has been since you got here.” You said as you looked at him “what's going on?” “I was talking to Natsuo and Fuyumi this morning and they said something.” He started explaining, you nodded to signal that you were listening without interrupting him. “Well we were talking about you, they said that my Mum wants to meet you since I write about you a lot when I send her letters.” “If that’s what you are worried about then I’d be happy to see your Mum.” You said. “No that’s not it… Well not all of it.” He said “there was something else, Natsuo called you my partner.” “Is that bad?” You asked. “I had to ask him what he meant but when he explained it to me, I realised that everything that he said was true for me… But then Fuyumi said that this isn’t something I can decide on my own, what you think is important, so I guess I wanted to know what you thought.” Shoto explained he gripped his trouser legs tightly as he waited for you to speak. “You know I told myself for the longest time that you couldn’t want me and that if my feelings for you were that strong that I should let you find someone better for you.” You explained. “What!?” He asked. “I don’t want someone else!” “I know that now… but that was hard to tell before.” You shrugged. “So the way I feel is the same as you and I wouldn’t have a problem with being your partner if you think that I’m good enough.” “You're more than enough.” He nodded. “As are you.” You said softly, pressing a shy kiss to his cheek.

Hitoshi Shinso

🧠 Hitoshi didn’t actually take much note of you for the first couple of days, actually the first time that he ever really took note of you was when people started badgering you about your quirk. 🧠 He noticed that you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, at first he thought that you were quirkless but realised that for you to be in the same class as him you had to have some kind of quirk so he then decided that you had to be ashamed of it for some reason. 🧠 He never asked you about your quirk, you were paired together for school projects and quickly learned that you liked the same things and understood each other's boundaries well enough without having to spell them out. 🧠 The first time that Shinso saw your quirk it was out of control, he had walked into the room after realising that you were late for lunch.

Shinso walked into the classroom that he was sure you last lesson before lunch was, his eyes found you first with your hands over your head as you cried, his eyes moved around the room where it seemed that shadows reached out to grab three girls who must have been in the room with you “(Y/N).” Shinso called out to you and sighed when you looked up at him but your eyes widened. “You have to leave, I can’t stop them… You’ll get hurt.” You muttered “they’re right I shouldn’t be here, I should be locked up somewhere.” Shinso felt the flare in your quirk as the shadows darkened and tightened around the girls. “They said that?” He asked, stepping forward. “No! Don’t do that!?” You pleaded, the shadows receded from the girls and they all fell to the ground. “Go.” He ordered as you curled in on yourself, you hands pressing to your head, you were mumbling to yourself, he hated seeing you like this. If he had been here instead of training with Aizawa this wouldn’t have happened.

Aizawa! He could help but he didn’t know how he was going to get a message to him, he was in the process of figuring it out when someone called his name “Shinso, you know them?” He looked over at the entrance to the classroom and saw that Aizawa was standing there with Present Mic and Midnight. It seemed that someone must have told them about what was happening over here and they rushed over. “They’re my friend, their names (Y/N), those girls were teasing them. I think it caused her to lose control of their quirk.” Shinso explained. “Not completely.” Midnight muttered as she directed Aizawa’s eyes to Shinso’s feet where the shadows circled him but didn’t dare touch him. “Mmm.” Aizawa hummed as his attention turned to you and nullified your quirk, Shinso moved quickly crouching in front of you. “Are you okay?” He asked, he didn’t get an answer but he could feel you shaking and your breathing was out of control. “(Y/N), look at me.” When you looked up he repeated his question. “I don-'' You stopped a blank expression across your face as you looked at him. “Calm down.” He ordered, he watched as your breathing went back to normal and only then did he let control go, he waited for you to be angry at him or push him away but instead you launched forward wrapping your arms around him. “Thank you.” You breathed and he stayed stock still for a moment before his arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. “Anything for you.” He answered.

🧠 From there on Aizawa insisted that you train with him and Shinso if only to learn control of quirk so you don’t have to be afraid of it. 🧠 You watch Shinso grow and become stronger and you wonder if he was always going to think of you as a friend or just a burden. 🧠 You started pulling away after that, it was getting to the time where Shinso would show his quirk to the rest of the hero course and then he’d be leaving you, you know that he’ll get on the hero course no problem, he’ll make new friends and leave you alone. 🧠 Shinso noticed the moment that you stopped coming to the training with him and Aizawa, you didn’t answer any messages and seemed to be actively avoiding him, that is until you couldn’t anymore.

Shinso showed up at the classroom earlier than you had expected, he waited for all of the other students to filter out, he realised after a while that you had been eating your lunch in your classroom so you didn’t have to see him so when he was sure that you were on your own he walked into the room closing the door behind him. You looked like you were ready to run but your body was frozen. It was then that he realised that you weren’t avoiding him because you wanted to. “Where have you been?” He asked. “I’ve been here.” You answered “always here.” “You stopped coming to training.” He stated, as he pulled the chair out from in front of you and sat down. “I didn’t want to hold you back.” You mumbled but your eyes moved from him and he knew that he was getting to the bottom of the issue. “Hold me back?” He asked “you aren’t doing that and we both know that.” “Mm.” You hummed as if you weren’t actually listening to him. “There’s something that you're not telling me.” He accused and you looked at him now, he saw a number of different emotions flash across your face before you finally spoke “I’m just getting used to not having you around.” You finally said and he leaned forward taking your chin in his hand and directing your gaze to him. “What do you mean?” He asked. “You’ll be moving to the hero course and I’ll have to get on without you.” You explained. “We don’t know that I’m going to be on the hero course.” He argued, it was your turn to give him a look of disbelief “look it doesn’t matter because me being on the hero course won’t change anything.” “It changes everything!” You argued. “You won’t be here, you’ll make new friends, better friends and then you won’t need me anymore.” “Your overthinking everything again-” “Overthinking!? Shinso you're an amazing person there’s no way that you're not going to make friends, hell you made friends after the sports festival right!?” Shinso knew that he needed to do something to get you to calm down and listen to him so with his grip still on your chin he leaned in quickly connecting your lips and effectively stopping you from talking, it took a little while for you to kiss him back but just as you were relaxing into the kiss he pulled back. “I told you overthinking, we might not be in the same classes anymore but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget about you, that’s the hardest thing for me to do.” He explained. “You’ll be my first and highest priority no matter what.”

Keigo Takami

🪶 Keigo had heard of you before, people talked about your work as a hero all the time but he had never seen you around, he wondered how you could do all this work without ever running into him. 🪶 Turned out that you worked on opposite shifts, he kept everyone safe during the day and you kept everyone safe overnight, that answered a lot of his questions. 🪶 He liked your look, your hero name, even saw some of the footage from your arrests and your quirk was interesting too. Some would say that he was kind of a fan, 🪶 Keigo actually cast you out of his mind assuming that you were never going to work together, he couldn’t have been more wrong though.

Keigo didn’t know who he was supposed to be working with but it had to be someone worth his time considering The Commission never really asked him to complete missions with the other pro heroes. It was late into the evening when he found himself balancing on the ledge of the building waiting for the hero that was supposed to meet with him. He didn’t hear them until they were standing right next to him “Oh it’s you.” He said as he looked at you “you're the one that I’m working with. Can’t say I’m disappointed.” “I didn’t know you knew who I was, mighty No.2.” You said as you gave a sarcastic bow. “No need for that.” He waved you off “they said that you’d tell me what’s going on.” “Mm.” You hummed. “There’s a group of smugglers, they smuggle everything from weapons to people. I've foiled a good number of their plans and taken down their branches but I can’t seem to take down the core of their operation.” “They’re slippery then?” He asked. “No, the core branches operate during the day, my quirk is pretty useless when there's no shadows around.” You explained as the shadows circled around your wrists “I can’t move as quickly or as stealthily so my agency asked the commission for a team up since you're the only hero fast enough to keep up with me at the moment, you know without drawing attention.” “Endeavour is a little flashing in the dark.” Hawks laughed and you rolled your eyes. “Not to mention difficult to work with, his quirk basically nullifies mine with how bright he is.” You shrugged. “First things first we need to get here, I’ll meet you there.” You informed him and he nodded. “Do you need a lift?” He asked. “No, I'm good.” You answered as you stepped over the ledge disappearing into the shadows below you both, he smirked as he glanced at the location one more time before flying high above the clouds he was going to enjoy working with you.

🪶 You guys became close friends after working together on that mission, the success only made you both more popular and you were probably the only person that Keigo could call a real friend. 🪶 You often woke up to him in your house, you started leaving the window open for him, he then started showing up when you were out on patrol and you would come home and find him on the sofa, you don’t know when it started but you always pressed a kiss to the top of his head before shuffling off to sleep for the day. 🪶 He’d often play with your shadows when you gave them the free will to do as they pleased, he was the first person that had not been afraid of the power that you had. 🪶 Neither of you noticed that you had grown closer than friends until you were forced too, you had unfortunately been caught in a fight with Dabi who had targeted you after watching the two of you together.

You groaned as you opened your eyes, your body felt heavier than it ever had before, you looked around, the room was bright, too bright. A hospital room, you couldn’t remember what happened, you know that you were in so much pain that you passed out, you tried to remember more but in the end your eyes slid closed and you gave into unconsciousness.

Keigo sat perched on the roof of a building watching people milling around, he heard someone behind him and he immediately turned one of his feathers poised for attack.

Dabi.

“What are you doing here?” Keigo asked. “I don’t suppose you checked on your little shadow ruler before you came out today?” Dabi asked. “What are you talking about?” Keigo asked. “I ran into them last night, they weren’t moving when we were done… I don’t know if anyone else found them, they might still be lying in that alleyway.” Dabi shrugged. “What did you do?” He asked. “Do you really have time for that, shouldn’t you be looking for them?” Dabi asked, Keigo knew that he should fight Dabi but he couldn’t ignore the fact that you might be hurt somewhere, he at least knew that the League hadn’t taken you based on the way that Dabi spoke about you. Keigo opened his phone ready to call your agency when a notification for a news story popped up.

Breaking News: (H/N) brought to hospital after gruesome fight with Villain Dabi

The hospital you were in was not in the article for obvious reasons but that information was only a phone call away and he had no intention of letting anyone get in the way of finding you and making sure that you were safe.

When you opened your eyes again you recognised the bright red wings “Hawks?” You asked. “Even when you're hurt you're so careful.” He said softly as you reached out for your hands. “Why didn’t you call me when this happened?” He asked. “I’ve hardly been awake, I remember waking for a second but it wasn’t long.” You answered. “Do you know what happened to me?” “You don’t remember?” He asked. “No really.” You answered, “I remember passing out and a whole lot of blue.” “Dabi.” Keigo said. “That makes sense… But if it was only him then.” You reached around unwrapping the bandages as Keigo watched you curiously, when you finally unwrapped your arms, your skin looked completely healed. “You can heal?” He asked. “In certain circumstances I can.” You answered as you flung your legs over the side of the bed however as you turned you realised that Keigo had not moved and instead he seemed to move closer his wings shielding you both from any prying eyes. “Do you know how worried I was?” He asked. “Worried?” You asked. “Dabi found me just to tell me that you were lying somewhere hurt and alone, I didn’t know if I was going to find you.” He said “we were both lucky the Eraserhead was on patrol that night too.” You’d have to thank him later but as your mind wondered Keigo leaned in closer “I realised something.” “Really?” You asked. “Yeah, I realised how hard it would be to live without you, how much I want to be with you every second of every day and how much I really want to do this.” He leaned forward connecting your lips, the kiss was charged and almost messy, he forced himself to pull away “let’s get the doctors to give you the all clear, then we’re going home.” “Sounds good.” You hummed. “You’ll have to come back to my place this time, we don’t know if he knows where you live so for now what’s mine is yours.” Keigo said as he walked out of the door to find a doctor.

Dabi

💀 You and Dabi operated in the same areas and ran into each other a lot, so he had seen you in action and was not surprised that people feared you. Took the time to find out what your name was, where you came from, and anything else worth knowing. 💀 He never really said more than 3 words to you at a time and you never pushed for a conversation, something he was fond of. 💀 You were a formidable force even when faced with someone who could have been far stronger than you were. 💀 He didn’t think of you as much of a team player though so he was surprised when you showed up at the bar to speak to Shigaraki.

“You made it.” Giran cheered. “I distinctly remember you saying this was a team, they all seem to be at each other's throats.” You noted. “Well they’ve just met.” Giran shrugged. “Bodes well.” You mumbled. “Who’s this?” Shigaraki asked as he turned his attention to you. “(V/N) what are you doing here?” Dabi asked. “Probably the same as you.” You answered. “You believe in Stain’s message?” He asked and you shook your head. “Of course not, I couldn’t care less about him, he showed his hand.” You answered waving off the suggestion only stopping a second to use your telekinesis to create a shield as Toga hurtled at you, flinging her to the side when her knife connected with the table you were using as a shield. “So tell Tomura Shigaraki why I should follow you.” “I don’t want to, nor do I have to sell myself to you.” Shigaraki growled out and you shrugged. “Fair enough, until next time Dabi.” You waved before you disappeared. “You just lost one of the strongest pieces on the board.” Dabi muttered as he turned to leave “call me when you know what the plan is.”

Dabi headed back to his apartment, he wasn't sure how long it was going to be before he heard from Shigaraki but he couldn’t care less the only thing that he could think about was you, the way you appeared, ran the show and left. “Didn’t take you for a team player.” He didn't know how you got into his apartment but he wasn’t going to show you that. “I’m not.” He answered as his head lazily rolled towards you “I didn’t think that you paid me much attention.” “Good.” You mumbled as he stood, he walked as if he was going to walk past you changing direction at the last minute and caging you against the wall. “What are you doing here (Y/N)?” He asked, he moved his face closer to yours, trying to draw you out but you just looked up at him and closer still. “Just wanted to know I’m going to have this place all to myself?” You asked. “What and leave you the mysterious little shadow ruler, now why would I do that? There’s still so much I don’t know.” He teased as leaned closer to your ear “so much I dont trust.” “Smart little arsonist.” You smirked before disappearing into the shadows and appearing at the window on the other side of the room. “Until next time, Dabi.”

💀 From there on Dabi paid more attention, you were there all the time, just outside of everyone’s view, everyone except him. 💀 Eventually conversations became easier and your home became his home, at first it was because your place was closer to the bar then his and slowly developed into him wanting to be there because you were there. 💀 You were probably the only person outside of the league of villains that had his number and that regularly contacts. 💀 He kept an eye on news when you both had to be apart for long periods of time to make sure that you were okay and nothing happened to you.

After the issue with the heroes when they kidnapped Bakugo, you hadn’t heard from Dabi, it worried you, so you started staying out longer and travelling farther to try and even catch glimpse of him, you had sent him messages that he wasn’t answering so you assumed that either his phone was broken or lost.

You sighed as you unlocked your door another night with no sign of him, it had actually been 24 hours since you had been home so you were pretty tired that might have been why you didn’t realise that there was someone in your living room “where have you been?” You jumped at the sound of his voice before turning to the sofa where he was sitting with his arms stretched over the back, your eyes widened, he looked like he was okay, you didn’t even think about answering his question instead you moved across the room and wrapped your arms around his neck straddling his waist without even thinking about it. “You're okay…” You breathed, you could feel that he had tensed beneath you, until his arms started moving and they wrapped around your waist. “I’m fine.” He answered, his hand rested on the back of your neck, gently guiding your face back after a while so that he could look at you. “Are you?” “Me? I’m fine.” You answered softly, he gently ran his thumb over the apple of your cheek. “Why didn’t you answer my texts?” “Lost my phone in the attack.” He answered his voice was low as if he was scared of ruining the moment. “I was worried about you.” You said. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He smirked and you narrowed your eyes. “We’re not together.” You reminded him and he leaned forward his lips a breath away from yours. “We could be.” He suggested before connecting your lips in a rough kiss, his teeth grazed against your bottom lip, guiding your mouth open for him to take control of the kiss, the hand on your cheek slid to the back of your neck to hold you where he wanted to keep you for a long as possible.

Request Here!!

[blood-choke]

Since u r an artist as well as a writer I'm reslly curious as to what ur process for designing the ROs was like for this game. I would love knowing more about ur character design process.

oh this is fun! prepare for a long obnoxious answer for some questions you didn't even ask!

blood choke has been through a Lot in terms of the brainstorming process. Valentina was probably the first character i finalized, though originally she did not have a history with the mc, she was not a main character in the sense that she is now, and she was actually "the villain." the game was very different tone-wise, though it was roughly the same concept with an mc who wakes up with no memory, though originally they were a newborn vampire.

then i changed gears, decided i didn't want to make the game this way, and tried something else with a set mc & a single set love interest (this is Valerie & Angel, my ocs i post about sometimes on my personal blog.) but then i didn't like that either and i scrapped trying to make it an IF and just wrote a novel instead LOL

Valentina stayed around, she is very similar to Leda, who is an antagonist in that novel. but once i finished that i came back to still wanting to write a vampire IF.

there were a lot of ideas i didn't get to expand on in my novel, that i'm revisiting in blood choke. it's why i chose to genderlock all of the characters and make the mc a lesbian.

i knew i wanted the ROs to be very clockable as lesbians; i wanted there to be a femme and a butch and a stud.

i rewrote the foundation of the story; the mc would not be a newborn but they would have no memory of what they were or what happened to them. and Valentina became more ambiguous and less of a real "villain", i expanded on some previous ideas, and when i made up my mind on setting the mc as butch i decided to include a lot of that early butch/femme history in her backstory & their relationship. i wanted her to be a bit goth in appearance as well because i wanted her femininity to be subversive; she likes to wear corsets and leather and veils and likes how people perceive her as "weird." she's still feminine but in her own way.

and while Valentina is femme, i read a lot of Kitty Tsui's writing for Valerie (who is a Chinese butch) and that influenced my decision, along with the time period that i planned for, to make her Chinese.

“In the spring of 1988, Jill Posner approached me. She said, “By the way, I’m the photo editor for On Our Backs, and we’d really love for you to pose for us.” And I said, “Frankly, I don’t read the magazine, and I’m not really interested in taking off my clothes.” I’d later thought about it and realized that the stereotypes of Asian women are either that we’re very passive, docile, servile, nonsexual entities, or that we’re the very, the Susie Wong prostitute, fiery dragon woman. I decided that I wanted to pose for the magazine to show that not only are Asian women beautiful and strong, but that we are whole women. I realized that I had a butch side, I had a very butch side, and I also had a femme side, and that I could be all of those things. And I had an androgynous side.”

you can find more about Kitty Tsui here.

Hana came next, and again she was a part of the original story, and worked for Valentina when she was the "villain." i wanted her to have that sporty/jock laid-back kind of vibe, compared to Valentina's high-strung dramatics. i think Hana came out way more friendly and personable than i originally intended; i wanted her to be kind of stand-offish, hiding in her hood a lot, but she had other plans i guess. in the end i think she balances everyone out and i like her contrast with Valentina, and i like how much more weight her voice carries when she does get serious.

i knew from the start i wanted Hana to be Black and from america, because i really wanted that perspective included in the narrative i had planned. again, with the time period, i chose to make her Korean & African American. i looked at a lot of models when i first drew/designed her, mainly jenny park, who is Korean-Nigerian. i went for a more jock/streetwear look because i wanted her to be visible as a stud, which is a specific Black lesbian identity.

screenshot from The Same Difference.

then came Clear. i knew i wanted a human RO, and i wanted her to be big and butch cus i like subverting expectations lol. i actually based some of her design on corky from bound, mainly her hair and tattoos:

if you haven't seen bound, go watch it. one of my favorite movies.

overall i designed three characters that i knew i as a reader would want to read about, and i as a writer would want to write about. that sounds very obvious hahaha but a lot of this story is just me writing very specific things that i want to see as a lesbian author. butches & studs are one of the most underrepresented groups, even in queer media, and butch/femme is largely considered "historical" or "problematic." so i wanted my characters & this story to be very in your face & unapologetic about it.

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 2.8k WARNINGS: hospital, injury, child trafficking, child abuse, hostage taking, guns, police, violence

author’s note: we have reached part 4!!! i think our couple’s relationship development is quite slow. please bear with me/them, they’re getting there!!! :’((( also, i am still very much thankful and overjoyed for the kind feedback that you guys gave for the previous chapter. i hope you guys are looking forward for this one. enjoy!!! :)))

four: let’s get you home, princess | masterlist

Wonwoo is not addressed as Your Highness inside the hospital premises. It’s actually rare for him to hear Your Highness ever since the royal decrees have been relaxed. His close friends, family and even colleagues have been calling him by his name or profession for the longest time. However, the King and Queen still must be addressed with utmost respect, regardless of who the person may be to the Royal Family. 

Things just got different when he started living and working at your kingdom. He had said that it’s okay for him to be called Wonwoo most especially by senior doctors who have been practicing even before he was born. But it was still awkward so they stuck with Dr. Jeon. These days, some young residents and interns still stutter and it just makes Wonwoo laugh. 

From time to time, Wonwoo is withdrawn from the hospital because of his duties as the Prince. Duties such as to make an appearance, attend a meeting or speak at an event. Said duties usually eat up most of his days in a week. Days where he could and should have been at the hospital, doing what he pledged to do until he dies. 

Wonwoo is loyal to the crown, but he is also committed to the people he promised to serve. 

The wedding planning has started and he’s relieved that you and him both have reached an agreement to hire a full-time planner that will arrange whatever the desires of your hearts may be. He’s grateful that just like him, you are happily married to your job. It’s a lame joke, but Wonwoo can never be bothered to care. So far as the wedding planning goes, you have been looking at venues such as hotels, private gardens or beach resorts. Initially, his parents offered to hold the wedding at their kingdom but you humbly requested to have it at your homeland instead. 

It was no issue to the King and Queen, definitely understanding where you were coming from.

Wonwoo admires that side of you. You seem to always know what you want and when you do, you speak up at the right time with elegance and confidence. He believes it’s the lawyer and princess in you altogether. 

The thought of you puts a smile on his face. He hopes you wake up soon so he can see you.

“Wonwoo?” 

His thoughts popped like a bubble when his name was suddenly called. He clears his throat and faces the owner of the voice. It was Soonyoung and by the looks of his grin, Wonwoo’s sure he witnessed him daydreaming. 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and goes back to the charts he’s been reading. “What do you want?”

“That’s not how you return the favor of your friend who brought you a fresh batch of clothing,” his friend chides, bumping his shoulder against his tall friend. “You seemed to have had a great night, our Prince.”

It’s trivial, really. But Wonwoo’s cheeks blushed at the reminder. He will never tell anyone but staying with you yesterday until the early hours of today made him feel something he doesn’t know. It’s absurd how he can’t pinpoint what that something is, but he won’t deny that there is. 

“Shut up,” he grumbles like a child, ignoring the cheeky giggle Soonyoung emits. 

Speaking of Soonyoung, he was born in your kingdom and moved to the neighboring one when he was only a baby. Both his parents are doctors also who have the heart and passion to offer their services voluntarily. They were only set for a medical mission before going back in a month, but the King and Queen (Wonwoo’s parents) recognized and applauded their kindness, offering them a place to stay and permanent positions at their Royal Hospital. 

Being of the same age, Wonwoo and Soonyoung grew up together and became best of friends. 

It’s no question that he’s attached to the Prince wherever he goes. 

“Dr. Jeon,” another voice calls for him and this time, it sounded desperate. 

Wonwoo looks up and finds a young resident, looking disheveled and stressed. “What is it?”

“I have a young boy, 10-11-years-old, crying in pain while clutching his left arm,” she explains the basics before continuing, “He was brought by someone who seemed like his brother not older than 14-years-old. They weren’t accompanied by anyone.”

“Ask for their names and address,” Soonyoung suggests while standing straight and crossing his arms. “I’m sure we can find some contact details from the statistics office.”

The young intern shakes her head. “They’re not talking. All the older boy is saying, begging rather, is for us to help them.”

“X-ray?” Wonwoo asks and pumps some sanitizer on his hands. 

“The result is on the way.”

Wonwoo nods and starts walking to where the boys are. “Let’s see what we got then.”

The emergency department is always hectic and anyone that says otherwise is unbelievable. Regardless of what the case may be, Wonwoo stands that if they are brought here, it is an emergency. Usually, they range from new parents bringing their newborn baby who can’t stop crying in the middle of the night or some bringing their seven-year-old for a cast because they fell off the bike while playing with their friends. They all seem to be treatable and can be discharged in an hour or so. But sometimes, you can never be too sure. 

Wonwoo knows because he has witnessed it already. That one baby that’s been crying was actually fighting a fever and that one kid who fell from the bike? It was having trouble with his balance and movement. 

It’s not the first time that young children came to the hospital by themselves. They’re soon followed by their parents or guardian afterwards most of the time. Wonwoo supposes the kids this time around are in shock that they can’t form any clear thoughts at the moment. 

But Wonwoo doesn’t think that’s the case at all once the curtains were pulled open. 

“Oh my,” Soonyoung blurts out, surprised. 

Wonwoo expected two boys looking dirty and blushing from playing under the sun all throughout the day. He expected them to be silently crying for their mom or dad. He expected them to be at least healthy and on their way for a speedy recovery once they got treatment. But no, Wonwoo was wrong.

The boys looked awfully hungry and dehydrated. Their clothes were smaller than what their body looks like and the older brother is missing one pair of his shoes. He noticed bruises on some parts of their body. There’s even a nasty cut on the older boy’s bottom lip. 

Something’s wrong and Wonwoo is not a fool to not notice it. 

Wonwoo releases the breath he’s been holding and smiles genuinely. “Hello, I’m Wonwoo.”

Silence. 

He looked at Soonyoung before proceeding to meet the boy’s height who’s sitting on the chair beside his brother’s bed. “I��m going to take a look at your brother now, if you don’t mind.” 

The older one finally looks at him, his eyes dead serious. “That’s what they have been saying ever since we got here. Why can’t you just treat him already?”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Wonwoo tries to calm him down, noticing his tear-stained face and shaking voice. “Your brother will probably need a cast. We’re just waiting for the x-ray results to come out to know for sure. I just need to ask some questions, alright?”

The boy’s bloodied lip trembles as he nods his head. 

“I’ll go get the result,” Soonyoung says and leaves without forgetting to close the curtains.

“What’s your name?” 

“They call me Jung,” the boy answers, weak and unsure. He then points at his sleeping brother, “He’s called Sam.”

Wonwoo’s brows furrow in both confusion and doubt. Why wouldn’t they have official names? Looking at the brothers’ state all over again, it didn’t take Wonwoo long to comprehend what’s really going on. He turns his head to the resident and locks eyes with her, who’s already grasping the situation at hand. He then gives her a nod, signalling her to immediately call children’s services.

Once she leaves, Soonyoung arrives with an envelope. 

“It’s a fracture, but won’t need surgery,” He says happily and Jung sighs in relief. 

“But, you’re staying here for a while,” Wonwoo takes hold of the envelope from his friend. “We just need to run some more tests.”

Soonyoung looks at his friend with wide eyes asking, what are you talking about? But Wonwoo ignores him and keeps his smile in the hopes that the boy doesn’t grow any more agitated.

“Your brother is okay,” he assures Jung and squeezes his shoulder. “We’ll put the cast on his arm and clean the cut on your lip shortly. Stay here, okay?”

He pushes his friend out after the boy gives them a nod. Soonyoung was still glaring at him at the nonsense he spewed out earlier. Wonwoo puts a finger on his lip, gesturing for him to not say a thing yet until they move to somewhere more quiet. 

“What is going on?” Soonyoung whispered-shouts when they reached what seemed to be the fire exit. “What tests are we still running?”

“It’s a lie,” Wonwoo answers and smooths the lines on his forehead, thinking and thinking on what he should do. “We need to keep them here. I think… they’re victims of abuse and trafficking.”

Soonyoung’s jaw drops while his legs grow weak, making him stumble. This is nothing new to them. But even so, it still makes him sick to the stomach. He just nodded as he didn’t need to say anything else.

“I already asked for children’s services and they could arrive here anytime soon,” Wonwoo continues. “They looked like they escaped. I won’t be surprised if someone suddenly barges here, claiming they’re the parent or guardian.”

“What do we do when that happens?”

“We keep them safe,” he answers firmly. “No matter what.”

Every staff at the Emergency Room was alerted about the situation of the boys. Authorities were also called and they’ll be arriving soon. Wonwoo gave strict orders to not disclose any information about them to anyone who claims they are the parent or guardian. Any affiliation they assume is not acceptable unless they can prove it. 

The boys were transferred to a ward once Sam’s treatment was done. Wonwoo brought them some food, water and spare gowns to rid them of the excuse of clothes they’ve been wearing for who knows how long. It’s unbearable to imagine what they have gone through but seeing them get comfortable is enough to bring some peace to Wonwoo’s mind. 

He requested Soonyoung to stay with them or at least check on them from time to time and make sure no one goes inside their room other than the designated staff. He just needs the representative of the children’s services to arrive and they’ll start knowing what the next steps to take from there. 

Now that’s settled, Wonwoo can now go back to his routine and job.

Or not. 

“You’re Highness.”

His security detail stands before him, complete and blocking his way to the elevator that could bring him back to the Emergency Room. Wonwoo can notice the tense and nervous expressions on their faces like children about to admit the trouble they just caused. He had requested before that they be posted on the sides to not hinder him from working. They’re only to jump into action when it’s life threatening and by the looks of it they’re here in his face just to do that but he still asks.

“What are you doing here?”

The head of the group bows his head. “The Emergency Room is being held hostage by armed men. We need to leave as soon as possible.”

Wonwoo’s heart almost felt like it stopped beating. “No.” 

He needs to move. He needs to go back there. He can’t just leave.

Wonwoo forces his body against the men standing firm on their positions, only to be held back. His head of security nods at his men to not let him go and carry him if they have to. 

“No, no, no!”

Wonwoo thrashes from their hold as he screamed for them to let him go. He can hear his security speaking to his mic to prepare the vehicle that would transfer him to safety but in that second all men drop to the ground and shield him when an ear-splitting clap suddenly reverberates through the walls.

A gunshot was fired.

Meanwhile, you were brought to the top floor of the hospital at one of the private rooms reserved for the members of the Royal Family when you insisted on staying. Jeongyeon and the rest of your security detail were more than distressed at your stubbornness, fearing for the earful they’re going to get once this is all over. But they would rather have that than leave you and neglect their duty.

“Your Highness, we really have to go,” Jeongyeon reiterates, still trying to convince you while shaking your shoulders. 

You shake your head and avoid her eyes. “No, we can’t just leave the people here. We can’t leave…” you pause then whisper softly, “Wonwoo.”

Jeongyeon nods. “I know, I know. But the Royal Police are on their way and the Prince’s security detail is already with him. The two of you cannot stay here any longer. It’s an order from His Majesty.”

You swallow the lump on your throat. You can’t think. You can’t process whatever the hell is ensuing downstairs. The lives of innocent people, your innocent people, are at stake. 

You just can’t leave. You have to do something. 

“We’re not leaving this hospital until those armed men are immobilized.”

Jeongyeon wishes to plead further but all you hear was ringing when the sound of what you’ve been fearing the most resonated inside the room. 

Security scrambles and moves at a speed of light to protect you with their bodies. They were screaming among themselves but you fail to register what they’re saying. You fail to hear nor see your surroundings.

Everything became a blur.

Everything became nothing as your heart beated a thousand times faster than normal and the only person running through your mind is no one else but the Prince who was beside you just last night but is now in imminent danger.

Please, Wonwoo. Please.

“Their Majesties condemns the hostage taking that occurred at the Royal Hospital,” Prime Minister Lee starts, looking straight at the camera. “Their Majesties assures and promises the public that they will be held accountable for the crime they have committed but most importantly for the distress and trauma they have caused the patients. They commend the prompt action that the Hospital’s Security and Royal Police have taken resulting in no casualties.”

“Prime Minister Lee!” A reporter raises their hand. “Can you confirm that His and Her Highness Jeon Wonwoo and Y/N were at the hospital when the hostage took place?”

“Yes,” he answers, “Her Highness, Princess Y/N, was admitted to the hospital yesterday after fainting at her office…”

You switch the TV off with the remote before throwing it on the couch. You walk to the window with crossed arms and watch the Royal Police vehicles leave one by one after clearing the Emergency Room and declaring it safe. It’s now back to its normal operations. 

Apparently, the gunshot was fired by the police, wounding one of the hostage takers. They took advantage of that distraction to finally hold them down and arrest them right away. There’s no official statement from the Royal Police yet as they are still investigating further. You make a commitment to get to the bottom of this.

They’re gone now.

But Wonwoo is still unheard of. 

He’s safe, they told you. But that didn’t stop you from biting your nails, walking back and forth and pulling your hairs from the roots. You need to see him. 

“Your Highness,” Jeongyeon calls for you and your head snaps up. She gives you a small smile before opening the door she’s holding wider.

Wonwoo enters with a tired smile and you almost burst into tears. You ran to him as fast as you could, but your legs were weakened by worry, you almost fell. It’s a good thing Wonwoo meets you halfway and catches you in his arms. 

You take every tangible thing about him. You take and you take as you hold his waist tightly and bury your face to his chest. “You can’t do that to me.”

Wonwoo sighs in content upon breathing in your scent and hearing your voice. He wraps his one arm around your waist while the other holds your head gently. He stays silent and just holds you for as long as he desires. After the horror that transpired earlier, holding you like this is what he desperately needed. 

“Let’s get you home, Princess.”

[senacal]

Hello! Could you do a jealous! Erik Lensherr x Reader. Theyre both professors and all btw. Thanks!

Assumptions

Request: Requested by a lovely Anon 💕

Pairing: Erik Lehnsherr x Gender Neutral Reader

Prompt: Hello! Could you do a jealous!Erik Lensherr x Reader. They’re both professors and all btw. Thanks!

Warnings: Misunderstandings, jealousy 

Abbreviations: (Y/F/N)- your full name, (Y/N)- your name

Author’s Note: 😬 Sorry this took so long to get out, I had a little bit of writer’s block and of course my dear friend, no motivation. The reader is gender-neutral cause I wasn’t sure what was wanted.

As always, Requests Are Open!

(Not my Gif)

(Y/F/N) loved their job. They couldn’t explain what had convinced them to teach at Charles Xavier’s school for gifted youngsters; perhaps it was Charles Xavier himself, or more likely, the student’s enthusiasm to learn from them. (Y/N) never expected to be a teacher, considering their high school and college experiences weren’t the most exciting or thrilling. They were almost convinced Teachers hated them, which is why it was ironic that they had become a teacher. 

It was a year after (Y/N) had begun teaching that they had met Erik Lehnsherr. He was… different. Not in a bad way, but he was closed off. And he only ever talked to Charles, Raven, and occasionally Hank. For a month, (Y/N) thought he didn’t speak. There was nothing wrong with that either; a few of their students preferred to remain mute, and some students preferred to use Sign Language over speaking to communicate with (Y/N). So, if Erik was mute, it wasn’t an issue. (Y/N) wanted to get to know him better. Which was why they had attempted to be Erik’s friend.

Whenever Erik would enter a room, (Y/N) would casually make their way to him and make small talk. Most of the time they were met with silence. (Y/N) could have sworn Erik smiled the last time they talked to him, so they knew they were getting somewhere. Soon enough, Erik would start responding to them, small-short answers at first, but it was still something. (Y/N) even asked him if they were bugging him when the short answers continued. (He said no, but (Y/N) wasn’t so sure). Sometimes they wished they were an empath so they could get a read on Erik’s feelings, but alas, they were only able to heal an object’s physical wounds. But it was okay because they were a valued member of the team and Charles, Raven, and Hank loved them for them. 

(Y/N) was almost worried Erik would never open up to them, but as soon as he joined the staff of Charles Xavier’s school, (Y/N) noticed Erik lingering near their classroom. It was almost as if he was seeking them out. (Y/N)’s heart fluttered in giddiness at the mere thought. Whenever they saw Erik in the halls, Erik would greet them with a hello and a kind smile. It was the best part of their day. 

It got to the point where (Y/N) would expect to see Erik before they both went to their respective classes, (Y/N) to anatomy, and Erik to physics. This was why they found it disappointing that Erik was nowhere to be found. They wouldn’t have been too worried because even mutants got the flu and needed a vacation, but it was now the fourth day that (Y/N) hadn’t seen Erik and it was very concerning. Did something happen? Did Erik get hurt? Was he seriously ill? Did he leave again? Did he just not want to see (Y/N)? (Y/N) couldn’t stop their mind from jumping to conclusions. It even distracted them from their teaching, so they would often dismiss their class early. Why waste their’s and their student’s time if they couldn’t concentrate? In fact, with the constant short classes, (Y/N) shouldn’t have been surprised to see Charles stroll into their classroom. 

“(Y/N), may I speak with you?” Charles asked once it was apparent that (Y/N) was too wrapped up in their thoughts to notice Charles.

“Hmm? Oh, sorry Charles, I’m just a bit distracted, what’s up?” They asked. (Y/N) sat at their desk hoping the steady position will get them to focus on Charles.

“It’s come to my attention that you’ve been letting the students out of class early the past few days, is anything the matter?” Charles asked. 

“Oh, uh, no, I just, I’ve been distracted lately is all,” (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed in shame. They couldn’t let this issue affect their job any more than it already has.

“Distracted… by anything in particular?” He moved his wheelchair closer to (Y/N).

(Y/N) shifted so they could face Charles, “Is Erik okay?”

Charles raised his brows, “Why wouldn’t he be?” 

“No reason, I just haven’t seen him is all, I was concerned,” (Y/N) shrugged. Maybe Erik really was avoiding them.

“He’s fine. I mean he was acting odd around me as well, but he said he was distracted. Seems to be a lot of that going on around here these days,” Charles nudged (Y/N)’s hand with a teasing smile.

(Y/N) huffed a small laugh, “I suppose I’m not the only one,” they drummed their fingers on their lap, “Don’t laugh, but I think Erik might be avoiding me and I’m kind of afraid that it might actually be true.”

“I won’t laugh at that, but Erik is a complex person. Sometimes he feels the need to isolate himself when he’s troubled, that could be why he’s been staying away,” Charles shrugged.

Charles had a point, Erik didn’t seem the type to confide in someone if something was troubling him. 

Charles grabbed (Y/N)’s hand, “I hope everything works itself out, can’t have my best teacher struggling.”

(Y/N) smiled gratefully at Charles’s blatant concern. He was their best friend and they knew he was merely concerned for them. Before they could respond with reassurance, however, Erik stepped into the classroom.

“Oh, sorry, I- sorry,” Erik ran his hand through his hair, “Can I ask,” He pointed from Charles to (Y/N) “are you… do you two- Anything happening here?” 

(Y/N)’s brows furrowed at the question, “anything like what?”

Charles snorted with laughter next to them. He waved his hand as if to apologize but the laughter bubbling from his lips made it hard to believe. “What?” (Y/N) frowned.

Charles dropped (Y/N)’s hand and huffed softly, “Nothing, darling. Erik, a word if  you please?” Charles maneuvered his wheelchair outside of (Y/N)’s classroom. 

(Y/N) watched as Erik walked out after Charles with a look of confusion. Was there something they weren’t getting?

_____________________________________________________________

Erik has had a rough couple of days. Before, Erik would usually brush off any inconvenience and continue with his day. But ever since he met (Y/N) it’s been a little more difficult to ignore the problem at hand. And that problem came in the form of one Charles Xavier. Erik knew someone as wonderful as (Y/N) had to be taken, but taken by Charles? Not that Charles wasn’t a good person, he was the best person Erik knew, he just really hated that of all people, (Y/N) was dating Charles; his best friend.  

When Erik first met (Y/N) he knew there was something special about them, and not just because of their power. No, (Y/N) was the most caring, funny, and charming person he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. They always made sure to include Erik when he first arrived, and they made sure that he wasn’t feeling neglected. These small acts of kindness were enough to make Erik fall for them. But again, (Y/N) was with Charles. 

At first, Erik thought he could ignore his feelings and simply brush them aside. But that was easier said than done. (Y/N) was always on his mind. Whenever he was in class, in the danger room, driving. There was no escaping (Y/N). So, Erik accepted his fate and became their friend; Only now he’d see Charles around more often, and he’d feel guilty for even fantasizing about (Y/N). Erik was living in hell.

The other day, Erik had the intention of telling Charles how he felt about (Y/N). When he walked into the living room, both (Y/N) and Charles were sat by the fireplace, talking and laughing. He realized he couldn’t get in the way of their relationship. He couldn’t leave again though, it didn’t sit well with him. Instead, Erik chose to avoid both Charles and (Y/N). Whenever he would see (Y/N), he’d turn the other way and pretend like they weren’t there. He altered his route so he wouldn’t run the risk of running into them. When he saw Charles, Erik would find a way out of the conversation and avoid him as well. 

This had been going on for a week now. But even avoiding (Y/N) was like torture; he missed them. He wanted to see them smile when he said hello; he wanted to see them laugh when he told a joke. He missed them. So he went to find them. But when he did, they were with Charles. He didn’t know why he felt so disappointed. He had foolishly hoped to get some alone time with (Y/N). 

It got to the point where Erik had finally asked if (Y/N) and Charles were in fact in a relationship; It sure seemed like it. He shifted nervously in place, avoiding Charles’s eyes. He wished he was using his helmet right now. 

“Erik, tell me, do you like (Y/N)?” Charles asked casually.

“What would make you think that?” He mumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps it’s the disappearing act you seem to pull whenever we’re together or the fact that you haven’t spoken to me or them in days?” Charles raised his brows accusingly. He obviously wasn’t as in the dark as Erik had hoped.

“Maybe I just don’t like talking to you?” Erik shrugged.

Charles rolled his eyes, “Please if that were true I’d have known long ago.”

Erik ran his hand through his hair, “What if I did? There’s no chance for me, I know that. And I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

Charles smiled, “Well, I’m glad to hear that, but there is something you should know. (Y/N) and I aren’t together.”

Erik frowned, “Did you two break up?”

Charles chuckled, “No, you git, we were never together. We’re just friends. I promise. And if it helps, I’m pretty sure they like you too.”

“Really?” Erik grinned. It seemed he could only string together unintelligent answers now that he knew (Y/N) was single.

“Would I lie to you?” At Erik’s look, Charles rolled his eyes, “When it counts?”

“No, I suppose not,” Erik cleared his throat and finally met Charles’s eyes, “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I should talk to,” He pointed to (Y/N)’s classroom door behind him with his thumb.

“Definitely. I’d wish you luck, but I am positive this will go well for you both,” Charles winked and left Erik to talk to (Y/N).

Erik took a deep breath and re-entered the classroom.

(Y/N) looked up from fiddling with their fingers when he walked in. They smiled when they saw it was him. It was a pleasant surprise. They had expected Charles to come in. “Erik, it’s been a minute.”

Erik shrugged, “Yeah, I wanted to apologize for that. I uh, may I sit?” He motioned to the seat near their desk.

(Y/N) nodded seeming eager.

Erik pulled the chair closer to (Y/N) and took a seat. “First off, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn’t have been avoiding you.”

“So you were avoiding me?” (Y/N) asked. 

“Yes, but not because I don’t like you,” Erik rushed when he noticed the disappointed look on their face, “I like you a lot actually. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you.”

“That makes absolutely no sense.” (Y/N) crossed their arms over their chest, “You don’t avoid people you claim to like.”

“That’s a good point, but in my defense, I thought you were dating my best friend.” He drummed his fingers on his thighs, “I know it seems stupid now. I feel stupid, but it only seemed logical at the time.”

(Y/N) smiled and shifted closer to Erik so their knees were touching, “You were jealous of Charles?” 

“I know, I know. I’m an idiot, but you had to see how close you two are,” Erik defended.

(Y/N) laughed but nodded in agreement, “Okay, I forgive you.” They took Erik’s fidgeting hands into their own, “And if it helps, I like you too.”

Erik beamed, “It does.”

“Good,” (Y/N) let go of one hand and laced their fingers together with the hand they still held, “Now, ask me on a date so we can stop being idiots.”

Erik laughed happily, “very well. (Y/N), would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Erik, this is so sudden,” (Y/N) teased.

Erik rolled his eyes fondly, “Yeah, only took me a couple of months to get the courage to ask you out.”

(Y/N) bit their lip, “I’d love to go out Erik.” They leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Erik’s cheek. 

“It’s about damn time,” Charles’s voice echoed in both mutant’s minds. 

[notveryglittery]

battle weary

summary: he was supposed to have cried until he couldn’t anymore, put away all of his problems, and go about the next day like nothing had hurt him at all. wc: 2,850 / ship: platonic prinxiety (roman & virgil) warnings: lots of hurt feelings, mentions of manipulation and lying, brief questioning of one’s existence. lmk if i need to add anything! author’s note: y’all have @blinksinbewilderment​ to thank for this one. i was supposed to write roman-centric royality hurt/comfort first!! no biggie, though, this was pretty cathartic :) thank you @sleepless-in-starbucks​ for beta reading!

spoilers for “putting others first”!!!!  read on ao3 

— — — — — — — — — —

Roman’s head was so full of confusion and pain and swirling thoughts, he was sure he’d fall over from the dizziness of it. A dull ache was beginning to spread throughout his skull, reminding him of how hard he’d tried — of backtracking on insults and stumbling over opinions and attempting to fix what he’d broken. He could barely sift through what they had discussed. Selfishness was okay sometimes, Patton had sided with Deceit, they’d gone to the wedding for nothing. Roman had given up the callback, had ruined their chance at a breakout role, for nothing.

Tears stung hot at the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away, frustration bubbling up his throat, threatening to spill out in sobs or… or screams or curses or something, he didn’t know, he didn’t know if he wanted to know. Roman finally moved from where he stood, the spot he’d been rooted to since he sunk out, since Thomas lied about Roman being his hero, since Patton lied about loving him, since they both ignored Deceit manipulating and using and lying to them, to him. He barely made it up the stairs, each step feeling higher as he climbed, the intended destination of his safe and quiet room feeling harder and harder to reach.

He hadn’t even realized he’d passed Virgil’s door until it was opening and his voice was breaking through the fog Roman was losing himself in.

“Hey, Ro, c’mere.”

Alright then. Showtime, apparently.

Plastering on a smile and standing up straight, he squared his shoulders before turning to face Virgil. He looked tired but relaxed, purple plaid pajama pants on to match his hoodie. He must’ve been in the middle of a project because his hair was pushed back with a headband. Before Roman could ask what Virgil required of him, his hand was taken and he was pulled across the threshold. The room was considerably brighter than usual with the setting sun casting rays of light through the window, where the spider curtains had been tied back.

Virgil guided Roman to the bed, where he sat him down, before going to retrieve something from the closet.

“Not that I don’t appreciate your company,” Roman began, managing a genuine yet sarcastic tone, “but I am… quite spent from filming today. Will this take long?”

“Depends on how cooperative you are.” Virgil said, backing out of the closet and carrying something rather large, hidden under a blanket.

Cooperative. Hah. Roman allowed himself a bitter smile. He’d been cooperative all day and look where it had gotten him. “Very well,” he agreed, scooting over when Virgil sat down beside him.

Virgil handed the box over to Roman and removed its cover. The Disney princess wrapping paper had to have been from years ago, dug out of storage just for this. He glanced at Virgil, who looked like he might be shaking from nerves — it was hard to tell, though, whether they were the good or bad kind.

“What’s this?” Roman asked instead of opening it.

Virgil seemed confused by the question. “What’s it look like? It’s a gift. Duh?”

“I haven’t done anything to deserve it,” Roman said, frowning.

Virgil’s brows furrowed. “Well, not that you need to do anything to deserve a present every now and again, but… Okay, it’s for today’s episode. Is that a good enough reason?”

Roman’s grip on the box tightened a little. The sound of crinkling paper grated on his ears. That just made it worse. He’d blown up at Thomas and Patton, he’d laughed at Deceit’s name. Of course today’s episode wasn’t a good reason.

“I don’t think I can accept this.” Roman held the box out for Virgil to take back.

Virgil didn’t look annoyed or frustrated with Roman’s denial, which felt unfair. Everybody else was already mad at him, what was one more? Virgil took the present and set it on the floor before he pivoted, pulling his legs up onto the bed, and facing Roman.

“Alright. What happened today?”

“Nothing,” Roman answered immediately.

Virgil narrowed his eyes. “Let’s not invite anyone unwanted to my room, okay?”

Roman doubted Deceit was even paying attention to any lies in the Mindscape. He was probably too busy living it up, celebrating his acceptance, relishing in the glow of approval from Patton and Thomas.

“I led our chat to the trolley problem and sorta put the lives of Thomas’ friends in danger. Surprised you didn’t feel that one.” How could he have done something so stupid? Especially after they all knew Thomas didn’t take well to putting Joan in harm’s way.

Virgil folded his arms over his chest. “Locked myself in here and kept very busy to avoid it all.”

Roman wasn’t sure how Virgil could have possibly not noticed the trashing of the living room and Patton’s boss battle, but he wasn’t going to question it. “Deceit took Logan’s place, again. Did a better job of it this time.”

Virgil tensed.

“Said how the way he manipulated me in the courtroom was just a prank. Funny. Wholesome.” Roman couldn’t be sure if it was a miracle or a testament to how well an actor he was that kept his voice steady. “I suppose I shouldn’t put words in his mouth. He probably just didn’t realize what I was saying. Clearly, for Patton and Thomas to agree with him, he can’t be as bad as I’m making him out to be.”

“Roman,” Virgil interrupted, tone edging with panic before he took a deep breath, which Roman unconsciously mirrored. “Back up. Hold on.”

Getting up from the bed, Virgil went shuffling through his drawers before pulling out his old jacket. It was folded neatly. “Outta the costume,” Virgil demanded, “we’re getting cozy.”

Too tired to argue, Roman freed himself of the constricting top and pulled the hoodie on over his undershirt. Virgil unceremoniously shoved a bunch of stuff onto the floor and settled at the head of the bed, with his back against the wall. He gestured for Roman to join him.

This was definitely on the list of things Roman didn’t deserve. … Still. The hoodie seemed to carry with it feelings of protection and determination and while he was sure he hadn’t earned being cozy, much less anyone to be cozy with, he didn’t quite have the energy to disagree. Not anymore. So he sat himself beside Virgil and took to breathing deeply while Virgil started talking.

“If anyone is familiar with being tricked and lied to by that snake, it’s me. I fell for it. A lot. He was crueler, when we were young. If…” he paused. Roman felt him move but he didn’t look, in case Virgil wanted some privacy. “If he’s got Thomas…” He huffed. “Thomas and Patton on his side…”

“We went to the wedding for nothing.”

“We went to the wedding to support Lee and Mary Lee.”

“Yeah, and Thomas was miserable and angry and regretful. Because of me.”

“Now, wait—”

“He lost his chance at fame because I sentenced him to the wedding. I gave up my dr— his… our dream.” Roman swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. “In the act of selflessness. Because going to the callback was selfish and bad. I… I wanted to go to the callback. More than anything. Which makes me selfish and bad. Which means I don’t deserve gifts or to be cozy or to have a seat at the table or—”

Virgil’s arm shot up, looped around Roman’s neck, and yanked him down. The startled noise in response was muffled by the pillow he found his face shoved into. He adjusted, realizing that his head was resting now on a cushion on Virgil’s lap. Virgil sunk a hand into Roman’s hair and began combing his fingers through. He shifted so that his neck and back weren’t quite as uncomfortable in this new position but stayed put otherwise.

“I’m not trying to stop you from saying what you want or need to,” Virgil began, keeping his gaze at a spot on the far wall. “It’s just that you were magnifying. Princey, sometimes we’re told one thing for so long that anything that opposes it default becomes wrong. And then we find out that that isn’t true. It shakes everything else out of place.” He took a moment to brush the bangs out of Roman’s face. “It’s a lot to handle, much less if it’s coming from someone you trust.”

Virgil sighed and looked down at Roman. He smiled, only slightly. “I know it’s hard to be open about your feelings. You’re really good at hiding behind a mask.”

Roman bristled, denial on the tip of his tongue. “You would know.”

Virgil’s hand stilled as he grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said hurriedly. Panic raced through his veins. “That was out of line.”

Sighing, Virgil continued scratching gently at Roman’s scalp. “No, you’re right. It was a big secret to keep from Thomas for so long.”

“I guess… At least he’s had some time to think about it. Since all this happened and distracted him,” Roman offered.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks.” He tugged a strand of Roman’s hair. “Back on track. You need to let us in, Ro. I’m guessing you had a lot to say when they pulled the rug out from under you?”

Roman hesitated, guilt squeezing painfully around his heart. He closed his eyes. “You could say that."

Virgil waited patiently.

"... He told us his name."

There was a long stretch of silence. So much so that Roman was afraid to even breathe.

"You laughed, didn't you?"

"I… yeah. And he. He compared me to…" Roman brought his arms up, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

Virgil jolted, as if he were going to get up, but the weight of Roman's head on his lap stopped him. "He did what?"

A part of Roman was flooded with relief at the anger in Virgil's tone. Another part of Roman broke into pieces at the reminder that Thomas and Patton hadn't even tried to stand up for him.

"He may have had a point."

"Absolutely the fuck he did not." There was an electricity in the air now, as if Virgil's emotions were sparking off of him. "Sure, you laughing at an act of vulnerability isn't great. Comparing someone to everything they try not to be, that's… What the fuck?!"

"It's okay," Roman tried to say but the words got stuck, his throat closing up around them, as tears leaked unbidden from his eyes despite his best efforts.

"Ah, no, listen—" Virgil nudged Roman's hands away and then lifted him back up, cradling him against his chest. "You can cry, Roman. That's alright."

It wasn't, he wanted to argue, but shielded here from the disapproval of those that mattered to him most, and the crushing weight of failure, and the terror of not even knowing what the point of his existence was anymore… Virgil's arms held him close and tight, safe from harm, even if just for a few minutes… His shoulders shook as he sobbed, though hardly a sound came out.

Roman wasn't sure how long he stayed like that for but by the time he pulled back from Virgil, the room was considerably darker and the sky outside the window was black.

"Better?" Virgil asked, handing him a box of tissues.

"I don't know," Roman responded, voice hoarse and tone defeated. He wiped his face dry. "I don't think so."

"Might have a couple more bottles to empty, then."

"Pass."

Virgil turned on the bedside lamp. Roman flinched at the artificial light.

"I think the next step here is talking to Patton."

"I don't want to," Roman whined, not unlike a petulant child that didn't want to speak to their parents after being grounded.

"I'm not going to make you," Virgil promised. "You need to decide what happens first. Breaking down those walls between right and wrong, good and bad, with Patton? Apologizing to Janus for reacting the way you did but expressing clearly to him the damage he caused from the way he's treated you in the past? Opening up and trusting Thomas with your insecurities?"

"Can't I just go back to debating healthy sleep schedules with Logan?"

"You know he'd agree with me and send you right back to making this decision."

"Could you…" Roman hesitated, fidgeting.

Again, Virgil waited patiently. Roman wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. For all intents and purposes, he was supposed to have gone back to his own room to wallow in his misery and confusion. He was supposed to have cried until he couldn’t anymore, put away all of his problems, and go about the next day like nothing had hurt him at all. Instead, Virgil had diverted his course completely, and now he wasn’t alone while trying to put himself back together. It was… relieving. And terrifying.

“Could you… be with me? When I talk to them?”

Virgil grinned. “I’m proud of you for asking. That couldn’t have been easy.”

Roman thought that sentiment alone might tip him over the edge again, but he managed somehow to not burst into tears anew.

“I can do that, yeah. I’ll hang out on the other side of the room with my headphones on but I won’t actually listen to any music. That way, if you need help, you can call for me, and I’ll hear you. Is that okay?”

Roman nodded, not sure that he could keep his voice even if he spoke.

“I know there’s still a lot to unpack. I’m not saying that you are bad or wrong, but I think everyone involved in that conversation did and said some things that were bad or wrong. Obviously, I wasn’t there, but I can imagine things got heated and that you weren’t the only one to leave feeling bitterly, jittery, and not very glittery.”

Roman cracked a smile. “Patton turned into a giant frog monster.”

“What?!” Virgil exclaimed with a rough laugh. “Okay, wait, let’s go to your room. We’re having a sleepover tonight and you’re going to tell me what the hell happened earlier.”

Roman lit up, looking genuinely happy. Virgil’s heart ached, realizing how long it’d been since he’d seen such real emotion on Roman’s face. “Can you get snacks? There’s edible cookie dough in the fridge.”

“Yeah sure but don’t expect me to encourage your sweet tooth again after this,” Virgil teased, getting out of bed and helping Roman up too.

Roman picked the box up off the floor, clutching it to his chest. “Can I still have this?”

“Duh,” Virgil answered. “Go get the pillow fort set up, I’ll be there ASAP.”

Virgil opened the door, checking that the hall was clear, before gesturing for Roman to step out first. Before they could part ways completely, he caught Roman by the shoulder.

“I’m… really proud of you, Ro. You didn’t have to tell me anything. You’re willing to make amends. That’s pretty damn cool.”

Roman wanted to ignore the warmth blooming in his heart from such sincere praise but after everything else, it would have been hard to. He gave Virgil a tremulous smile. “I’m glad we’re friends. Thank you for looking out for me.”

A moment of silence followed and then they both took a step back from each other.

“Snacks. Edible cookie dough. Got it.”

“Pillow fort! I’ll even let you pick the first movie.”

Arriving in his room alone gave Roman a moment of pause. There was still… so much… that he had to fix. He took a deep breath. His time with Virgil, however, was a reminder that he wasn’t truly alone and that with enough time, patience, and support… Things could… things would get better.

[aelin-queen-of-terrasen]

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.” And “ you’re gonna hier yourself even more if you do stupid things like that” for Rowaelin

Thank you. This prompt is so hilarious and so Rowaelin, I love it.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 | 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤

Rowaelin modern AU ▶Masterlist

note: so idk if it's just me but I think y'all don't like this fic??? if I'm doing something wrong, let me know cause i can't figure it out!

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"Can we leave now?" Rowan asked.

Vaughan shook his head. His friend dismissed his question with an airy wave before he said, "If you want to leave so bad, why come at all?"

Rowan didn't know the answer to that. High school parties were not his scene, nor were social gatherings with more than five people. He had never attended one before and he had no idea what prompted him to come now. He ignored his friends' words, making his way towards the table where drinks and snacks were kept. The music blasted loud enough to cause a headache, students stumbled around in the cramped space with no semblance of balance or control whatsoever, smelling of sweat and alcohol.

His mood soured when he was elbowed in the ribs for the third time in the cramped drawing room. "If we can't leave, I am going out for some fresh air. Ring me up when we need to leave."

And then he walked out of the lake house towards the woods in the back, the cool wind a welcome relief from the humidity from inside.

Rowan halted when a familiar voice drawled out, "You are boring me, Finn."

Rowan turned to find Aelin Galathynius backed against one of the walls of the house, one hand stuffed inside her pocket while the other clutched a black heel in it and an insolent smirk on her face. Archer Finn stood in front of her with a few of his friends and a smug look on his face. Aelin's eyes darted between the three of them as if she was deciding who to aim the heel at.

"Oh, sweetheart," Archer chuckled, stepping forward. "It's cute how you think you stand a chance."

Rowan expected the girl to step back. She only smiled at the asshole—the kind of smile that promised nothing good. "Maybe but I bet I can hold you back until my friends come."

The grin faltered from Archer's face for a moment. "You are bluffing. No one knows you are here." Then he stepped forward again. Aelin stood her ground.

She yawned in his face, all arrogant and rude. "If I am bluffing, why is Rowan here? I am sure my boyfriend would love to show you how this will go." A jerk of chin turned all the attention towards Rowan. He schooled his face into neutrality as he stepped forward. This was stupid. She was smart, she didn't need his help to get out of trouble. He should have left.

But Rowan walked towards them, towards Aelin. "Take a walk with me?"

Then he turned his most withering glare towards the boys, daring them to stop her. Archer and his friends exchanged nervous looks, shuffling away. Once they left, Aelin released a relieved breath, slumping against the wall but the nervous tension hung in the air around the two of them. Then she lifted herself off the wall, walking towards the woods. When Rowan made no movement to follow, she looked back with a raised eyebrow.

"Aren't you coming? You are the one who asked me to take a walk with you."

Rowan nodded, making his way towards her. They walked in silence, Aelin looking around at the trees and the grass and anything she could find. Rowan had his eyes trained ahead in order to spot any broken branches waiting to attack them. Finally, the girl opened her mouth again, "Sorry I called you my boyfriend. That asshole won't leave me alone."

Rowan nodded in response.

They fell into silence again as they walked but this time instead of watching her surroundings, she was looking at him. "Are you sure you want me here? I can leave."

"I am sure," he said.

Aelin shook her head with a small sigh. "You refuse to talk," she said in quiet voice, halting beside him. It was strange seeing her quiet and calm. Normally, Aelin Galathynius was an overwhelming vortex of energy, shouting and skipping from one place to another—not this quiet, unsure person.

"It's not personal. I prefer to listen," he told her, halting beside her. Then he added, "You can talk about anything at all and I will listen."

She grinned, not her usual unrestrained grin but it was bright enough. "You will regret that. I talk a lot."

He shouldn't be here. Archer had left, she was fine and he had Vaughan to return to. His roommate had a tendency to make terrible decisions when drunk and he had left him alone for long enough. He should have returned but he only moved forward, pace slow enough for Aelin to decide if she wanted to leave or follow him further inside.

"Thank you," Aelin said, falling beside him. They found themselves a large boulder to sit on. "I can talk about anything I want to?"

When Rowan nodded, she started talking and gods, she did talk a lot. She talked about books and her favourite dishes and her friends and her parents. Sometimes, she talked so fast, Rowan had to concentrate extra hard to make sense of her words. When she was talking about something she didn't like, her eyebrows puckered ever so slightly and she picked at her nails unconsciously. Her turquoise eyes came alight with excitement when she talked about something she liked. Sometimes, she was so focused on talking, he had to remind her to breathe.

Rowan yawned, turning her attention towards him. "Bored of me yet?"

He shook his head. "Not bored. I am tired," he answered. He hadn't gotten much sleep after he had returned from the diner, had wondered why she behaved strangely after he had touched the bruise on her wrist, had wondered if there were more like that on her body.

Almost as if Aelin heard his thoughts, she tugged the sleeve of her black shirt down. Still, a small smile remained on her face as she climbed down the boulder. "You really will regret letting me talk all I want one day," she warned, flashing him one last smile though. "Aedion and Lorcan will be worried."

Rowan followed suit, walking her out of the woods in companionable silence. This time, she didn't say anything to fill the silence. With one last wave, Aelin walked away from him.

Gods, Rowan was screwed.

──────✧❅✦❅✧──────

"You son of a bitch," Someone shouted from the kitchen. "I will skin you alive!"

Rowan groaned. He was about to leave when he heard that voice, the one he had been listening to for a half hour before he returned to the party. Vaughan was waiting for Rowan outside the lake house now that everyone had started leaving and even the music had quieted down. Most people either crashed on the sofa or went home already. The ones who still remained were too drunk to drive or like Rowan, too tired to bother with it.

When Rowan peeked inside the kitchen, he found a drunk Aelin draped over the kitchen table beside the punch bowl.

"Ace, come on babe, we'll find a room and wait for Lor," her friend said.

The golden haired guy looked like he was done with Aelin for the night who refused to move from the couch. She grinned at him, flinging herself off the couch onto him. "Rowan!" He almost fell back on his ass at the collision, catching her just in time.

Her friend looked over at Rowan, eyes widening in surprise for a minute, then said, "Please help me get this diaster of a woman to a bedroom!"

"Who are you callin' disaster, Fenrys?" Aelin pouted, pulling back.

Fenrys rolled his eyes. "Will you please come wait with me in some room, Ace?"

"No! You called me disaster!" And then before Rowan knew what was happening, the punch bowl went flying towards Fenrys. He cursed, diving behind the kitchen counter for cover.

Aelin moved towards him, wobbling, then tripped over the bowl, hitting her head on the counter. The curses that escaped her mouth in return were vulgar enough to curdle all the milk in the world. She lifted herself off, almost crashing face first on the ground again but Rowan was prepared this time, catching her before she could fall.

"What you doin', Ro-Ro?" Gods, what had he gotten himself into?

Fenrys spoke as he rose from behind the counter, slowly backing out of the room. "Hold her still. I am calling Lorcan, he'll take her off our hands soon. Don't let her move." Then he was gone, leaving Rowan alone with a drunk Aelin.

Aelin shouted at her friend's retreating form. "No, leave me! I am not a damsel in distress. I am a damsel doing damage." As if to hammer her point home, she threw another glass in the direction where Fenrys disappeared.

They could hear him shouting into his phone. "No, she isn't listening... Get here fast, Lor... You don't think I tried?! Some help would be nice!"

When Rowan tried to hold her still again, Aelin thrashed wildly in his arms, flinging her limbs in all directions.

"Aelin, you are hurt," he said, rolling his eyes as he scooped her in his arms. "You are only going to hurt yourself more if you keep doing things like that."

She was beyond the point of listening though. Gods, if he believed sober Aelin was wild and stubborn, he didn't know what to call drunk Aelin. Fenrys stepped inside looking tired. "I am never letting her drink again for months. If you can, we should wait for Lorcan in the guest room. I have the keys, come on."

Rowan raised an eyebrow. "Why do I need to help? She is a handful."

Fenrys only waved a hand in the air in dismissal, whistling a bawdy tune as he led them towards the guest bedroom. Aelin had calmed down a little but Fenrys locked the room anyway in case that she went nuts again.

Rowan carried her inside, laying her on the bed, still unsure if she would be up and running in a minute. Aelin was frowning down at her palm red with blood. Indeed, the place where her head had collided with the kitchen counter was wounded, blood trickling out of the small gash. Fenrys cursed again, almost as vulgar a vocabulary as Aelin's. He nodded towards Rowan. "I will find her a first aid kit if you can stay for a few more minutes. Thanks for the help."

Rowan said, "I will stay."

Aelin sunk back into the mattress, glaring at the two of them, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'overprotective bastards' before she shut her eyes. Rowan smiled. Aelin Galathynius was smart and cunning and wild and insane. She was like a ticking bomb poised to explode but when she did, he had no doubt she would be the most gorgeous firework of all.

Rowan pushed the thought away from his head as soon as it came.

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hope you liked this chapter! let me know if you'd like to be tagged. feedback is super appreciated. 💖

tags:

@thesirenwashere // @judexcardanxgreenbriar //@fangirltrash74 // @the-dark-swan // @queenofgreenbriar // @clockworkgraystairs // @julemmaes // @rowaelinforeverworld // @mymultiversee // @queen-of-glass // @strangely-constructed-soul // @mijaldraws // @http-itsrebecca // @aesthetics-11 // @lord-douglas-the-third // @flowersinvegas // @towhateverend17 // @aelinchocolatelover // @justabunchoffandoms // @cool-ish-nerd // @faerie-queen-fireheart // @sad-book-whore // @didsomeonesayviolin // @atozfantazyxx

[collapsingintojupiter]

Sunshine and StormClouds: Chapter 12

Catch up:

Chapter 1  Chapter 1.5  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10   Chapter 11

___

*Cough* yeah it’s been awhile.

Characters: Roman, Logan, Virgil, Patton, Remy

Relationships: Analogical, mentioned Romile (Roman x Emile)

Warnings: (Very brief) alcohol mention, a little swearing, and...I don’t think anything else? This one’s pretty fluffy.

___

Remy was, in fact, quite jealous when he saw Virgil’s nails the next day.

“Gurl, where did you get these?” he demanded, grabbing Virgil’s hand and looking at the design with big eyes. “You have to tell me, c’mon!”

“Oh, it’s only from the best-ever stylist in town,” was Virgil’s answer. He sipped at his coffee and laughed at how Remy looked like he was going to implode, enjoying their banter a lot more than usual this time around. Patton tried Logan’s iced tea and made a face, drawing another laugh from him.

“Alright alright, I’ll tell you,” he conceded at last with another chuckle. Remy lit up at once.

“Yeah yeah, go on,” he said.

“So…it turns out our babysitter is also a blooming artist. He painted my nails for me last night, and a few of Patton’s too.”

As if it was his cue, Patton reached towards Remy with grabby-hands, showing off the blue on his left hand. Remy set his coffee down and took the boy, leaving Logan to finish off his iced tea while he processed the information.

“You’re kidding me,” he said after a minute, looking over Virgil’s nails again. “This is amazing, what even…”

“I know, right?”

“Well then,” Remy said as he handed Patton back to his father and finished off his drink. “Looks like I have a babysitter to catch.”

---

Roman wasn’t sure how to react when he found that he wouldn’t be walking home from school that day—Remy waited for him outside In his car, motioning him over as soon as he was out the door.

“How’s Emile?” he asked as soon as Roman opened the door. He blushed at that, climbing in and looking down at his shoes.

“He’s, um, he’s good,” he said quietly. Then he looked up. “Why are you picking me up? Do Virgil and Logan need me?” he frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no!” Remy waved a hand and shook his head, a grin on his face and glitter in his eyes. “Nothing’s wrong, my boy. Aunty Remy just wants to spoil you a little, if you don’t mind?”

“Oh…okay.” Roman grinned. Being spoiled by Aunty Remy wasn’t something he was gonna pass up.

“Also…I have a favor to ask of you.” Roman raised an eyebrow in question at that.

“A favor?”

“Yeah, I hear that this town has a budding artist, is that right?” Roman’s eyes widened.

“You saw—”

“Yup! And I was so impressed, I thought I might ask if you’d be willing to do mine too? I’ll pay you, of course. And I’ll take you out to coffee again, cause Aunty Remy needs his caffeine…does that sound good to you?” Roman couldn’t help the smile that nearly split his face.

“Totally!”

...

Roman wasn’t quite sure why Remy called the drink “pumpkin-spiced seasonal depression,” because as far as he was concerned it was the most amazing thing in the world. Either way, he wasn’t complaining, and he smiled behind his drink while Remy shared with him all of the latest gossip he knew of.

Which there was a lot of, apparently.

“Now,” Remy said, setting down his coffee once he’d finished telling Roman about his old highschool friend Ashely’s divorce, “I know that you do your Chemistry homework with Logan, is that right? What do you say we drop in on him? I’ll order a pizza, and you can have dinner with us.”

“Wait, how’d you know Logan was helping me?” Roman asked, though he still hadn’t managed to banish the grin from his face. Remy winked at him. 

“He helped me through Chemistry too, you know. That big brain of his is the only reason I was able to pass.”

“Really? Virgil said he helped him too…”

“Yup! Ol’ Logan tutored a lot of people, and I personally thought he was a better teacher than all of the paid staff at that dumpster fire they called a school combined.” Roman laughed, and he only shrugged. “Hey, I’m telling it like it is. Now, let’s go give our dear friends a surprise visit, shall we?”

…

“Hello Roman, Remy tells me that you’re in need of further assistance on your Chemistry?”

Roman blinked at Mr.Sanders, while Remy laughed and pushed past him. “Now now, we have to feed the boy first. The pizza dude should be here in a few minutes, and then you can amaze him with your brilliance all you want.”

“You got a curfew at home, kid?” a third voice asked, and Roman glanced up as Virgil came into the hallway, Patton at his hip. Patton smiled happily, reaching for Roman with his little hands when he saw him.

“Ro!” he yelled.

Roman smiled at him, then looked to Virgil. “Uh, sort of, I just gotta be there before my mom goes to bed.”

“When is that, normally?” Logan asked. 

“Uh...around 10 sometimes, though sometimes it’s a lot later.” Roman shrugged. “It depends.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, but Virgil’s eyes held the same unsettling look of understanding they’d always had.

Remy was in the kitchen. 

“You should have seen how jealous he was when he saw my fingernails,” Virgil half-whispered to Roman with a grin. 

“He asked me to do his too,” Roman told him, also grinning.

“Ah, so that explains why I’m getting free pizza tonight. I owe you.”

“Virgil, please tell me you’re not only going to eat pizza.” The group started after Remy, Logan lecturing Virgil on his eating habits while the darker-eyed father half-listened to him with a tired but adoring grin. Roman carefully set his backpack down by the wall, grabbed his nail kit, and ran over to the table. Remy and Virgil were already helping little Patton get strapped into his high chair, and Logan had set out finding something "healthier” for his husband to eat. Remy grinned at Roman as he came in. 

“Ah, it’s our guest of honor!” he called. Virgil chuckled, then went to get something for Patton while Remy sat and Roman started pulling out colors and supplies. 

Lets see, Remy’s classy and fancy… Roman looked over Remy’s outfit, which was fashionable as always: a black trilby hat, sparkly earrings, shades, a gray scarf, and a fancy gray sweater to match with it. 

I have the perfect idea. 

Remy, for once, was quiet as Roman got to work, watching the boy with a look of curiosity and intrigue as he pulled out colors and brushes. He started with Remy’s index finger, painting it black before adding pale pink stripes to it. The next one was pink, with thin black stripes. Then Roman did another black one, this time with pink dots, followed by a pink one with black dots.

When he got to Remy’s thumbs Roman grinned really big, then pulled out the green nail polish. He carefully applied a layer of darker green paint; then, when it had dried, he pulled out the white, painting a tiny logo on top that could only resemble one thing:

“Oh my god it’s Starbucks!” Remy squealed, holding up his hands and gazing at Roman’s work with the biggest smile he’d ever seen. Remy gave Roman an excited thumbs-up, then ran into the living room to show Virgil. 

“Well, you’ve certainly made his day,” Logan mused from over by the counter with a small smile. 

“If you’d like, I can do yours too,” Roman offered automatically, then froze. 

Oh shit--

Logan raised an eyebrow, though instead of declining like he had expected, the teacher nodded after a short hesitation. 

“I suppose I can’t be the only one in this family without nail polish on me, can I?” he asked. To anyone else, his expression was quite unreadable--was that a smile or a frown? But Roman knew it, and he was shocked by it--the blue-tied father’s tone was amused, even happy. 

It made Roman feel warm inside. He smiled back at the teacher, then motioned for Logan to sit. He quickly pulled out several shades of blue, his cheeks burning as he listened to Virgil and Remy arguing in the living room over whose nailpolish was the best. Both were very adamant that is was theirs. Meanwhile, Patton contented himself with several toys that Logan had left with him in his high chair, and as they waited for the pizza Roman started to paint. 

Logan...the picture in his mind, unlike Virgil’s aura of stormclouds and rain, was almost calming in its own way. Logan was smart, but also kind, and when that combined with Patton’s aura of sunbeams and Virgil’s dark skies it painted a unique and beautiful picture that could be found nowhere else.

Roman realized, suddenly...he almost saw these people as family. 

Two fathers, a crazy aunt, and one sunray of a boy were more of a home to him than Roman had ever known before. Of course, he wasn’t homeless, and Roman knew that he was lucky he wasn’t, but his tired house that smelt of booze and hopelessness just wasn’t home in the way Virgil and Logan’s house was...

Roman didn’t know what he thought of that. He put his head down and went back to painting.

“There,” he said after a while, flashing Logan a big smile. “You like it?”

Logan didn’t answer him; he just stared. He held his hand up, then slowly rotated it, looking over the details on every finger with...that couldn’t be...admiration?

“Roman I…” Logan shook his head after a moment. “This is the most aesthetically pleasing thing I’ve ever seen before…”

Roman beamed. 

“You two are being awfully quiet in there,” came Virgil’s voice from the living room, followed by two sets of footsteps as the bickering pair made their way back to the kitchen. 

“oh damn gurl!” Remy shouted when he saw Logan holding up his hands, at the same time Virgil’s eyes widened considerably above the dark eyeshadow. 

“Language,” Logan said automatically, but he still had that quiet, soft smile on his face as Remy grabbed his hand to examine Roman’s work there. 

The index fingers of his hand were blue with stripes, just like Logan’s tie. Next was a tiny white brain icon on a dark blue background, followed by a delicately-done artwork of circuitry on his ring finger. The pinkies were both indigo-colored with white dots, and on his thumbs Roman had painted a tiny sun on one, and a little stormcloud on the other with backgrounds to match--Virgil and Patton. The sunshine and storm clouds.

“My students will be so jealous,” Logan remarked, and Virgil laughed. 

“Hell yeah they will!” 

Roman’s eyes widened when a $20 bill was slapped into his palms, looking up at Remy in shock. 

“Wh…”

Remy chuckled at his expression. “I promised to pay you, remember? You did a stunning job, my boy.”

“I am...also impressed,” Logan said. Virgil chuckled, nudging his shoulder as the doorbell rang.

“Pick your jaw up off the floor and go get the pizza,” he laughed. 

“Virgil, a human jaw can’t even...oh.’ Logan paused. “A joke. I get it.” He shook his head and started for the door, while the other two adults exchanged looks. 

“He ain’t been that blown over since he first saw your face,” Remy remarked, and Virgil smacked him. 

Logan came back a few minutes later with the pizza, and the four laughed and joked over dinner while Patton got to try his first (and last, Logan swore) piece of pizza. Roman was happy to note that he enjoyed it quite a bit. 

“He’s taking after you, kid,” Virgil said with a chuckle as Roman reached for his third slice. Roman froze, and the older man laughed. 

“Don’t worry, it’s a compliment,” Remy butted in, throwing a carrot at Virgil.

“I, for one, would love to see Patton grow to be as kind and hardworking as you are,” Logan stated, throwing a glare at Remy. 

Don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry…

Roman got up and ran into the bathroom.

Dammit.

He cried.

And it was the happiest cry he’d ever had.

[always-anxious612]

Magic in the Air: Chapter 5

Description: Patton offers to help. That’s all he’s really ever wanted to do. Help his friends. But will that eventually lead to a mess that he wasn’t prepared for?

Pairings: roceit, analogical, intruality, platonic DRLAMP

Warnings: food mention, blood mention, slightly gorey image mention  (please let me know if I missed anything or if you want something tagged)

Word Count: 1,746

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8,  Chapter 9

“Watch out!”

The yell came from the living room and at the sound, Patton instinctively ducked (quack), biting his lip as a book slammed into the kitchen wall behind him. He had been doing a lot of that recently…ducking that is. With Roman, Virgil, and Dee all working on their magic over the past few weeks, the household had become a bit of a chaotic mess.

“Sorry, Padre.” Roman apologized coming into the kitchen to grab the book. “You ok?”

“Perfectly dandy, Ro.” Patton grinned, standing up and patting Roman on the back. Roman returned the smile and hurried back to the living room when Logan called his name.

“Hello, Patton.” A smooth voice greeted from the front doorway. Dee made his way into the kitchen to stand next to Patton and sighed gazing int the living room. “How is our favorite prince doing today?”

After Roman had gained a little more confidence, he had started having his lessons separate from Dee once again in order to make the best of all of their schedules. Needless to say, their schedules had become a bit hectic ever since everybody started gaining magic all of a sudden. Even Remus and Patton were swamped with trying to help Logan in his experiments, keep up with their own class schedules and being there for the three struggling with controlling their magic.

“I think he’s doing great. Only one book flew in here today, so that’s a bonus!” Patton cheered, smiling at Dee.

“Oh?” Dee purred letting a soft grin inch its way onto his face. “How marvelous.” Patton nodded in agreement, looking toward the living room where Roman had six things hovering in the air.

“That’s the most he’s gotten to, right?” Patton asked as Roman started moving the things in a circle in the air. It looked like he was juggling without actually touching anything. He’d been working really hard to get that part right. Since he had had his magic a bit longer than the others and now knew a bit more about his limits thanks to…what had happened, he had really mastered just floating the objects and had moved on to rotating them, moving them, and adding more objects. It was amazing to see him improving rather fast, even if he sometimes still lost control of an object or two. After he had set the objects down, he glanced into the kitchen and spotted Dee. With a quick word to Logan, he ran over and jumped at his boyfriend. Dee let out a little oomph as he caught Roman and supported his weight while the actor wrapped his legs around Dee’s waist.

“Did you see, Dee?” He gasped, like an excited child. “I got six objects up this time.”

“I saw, my prince. You did amazing!” Dee encouraged, pecking Roman on the nose.

“I’d say you’re actually improving quite quickly Roman.” Logan chimed in from where he’d come to stand at the doorway of the kitchen. Roman smiled gratefully at him as he finally released Dee.

“Thanks, Lo.”

“I’m only speaking the truth.” Logan replied, smirking softly as Roman blushed at the compliment. As Logan opened his mouth to continue, a heavy thumping on the staircase drew all of their attention.

“Logan, we’re gonna be late for class! You said you’d come get me ten minutes before we had to leave.” Virgil panicked as he rushed suddenly downstairs and headed toward the door. Surprised, Logan checked his watch and cursed under his breath.

“Great job today Roman. Don’t forget that you and Dee have tomorrow off because I have to help Virgil make one of the backgrounds for the play.” Logan reminded as he grabbed his bag and quickly followed Virgil to the door. Patton smiled after them, giggling at how obvious it was that they were dating. They hadn’t outright said it yet, but it wasn’t hard to tell. He knew that Dee knew as well from the knowing looks he kept giving the two. It was great that they got to work in at least one of the same classes together. With Logan being in Theater Design and Technology and Virgil being in Stagecraft, they often worked together on projects for the school’s major productions too. In fact, all of the others were also pursuing careers in theatre: Dee in costume designing, Remus in stage makeup, and Roman in acting. However, Patton himself was majoring in Dance. Sometimes he was a bit sad that he was the only one that never got to help in the production of the plays, but he at least got to help Roman when he was auditioning for a musical and needed help with the dances. Plus, Remus often helped him practice his partnered dances since he had always been interested in the subject. Speaking of Remus…  

“Has anyone seen Remus? I have something he needs for his makeup class.” Patton remembered.

“I think he was in his room last I saw him.” Roman answered as he began to get the ingredients to make himself a sandwich.

“Would you like a sandwich Pat?” he offered, looking up.

“Aw, thanks kiddo! That’d be great! Could you make one for Remus too? I don’t think he’s come out of his room all day, so he probably hasn’t eaten.”

“Sure, but I am not adding sardines to his ham sandwich this time. He wants those he can get them himself.”

Patton giggled softly before heading upstairs to get the makeup brushes he had for Remus. He had borrowed them to do his makeup for a costumed dance routine he had to do for class last week and kept forgetting to give them back, but Remus could only last so long making up excuses for why he didn’t have his makeup brushes in a makeup class. He was getting ready to knock on Remus’s door when he heard angry muttering from the other side. Slightly worried, he hesitantly knocked on the door anyway.

“Remus? Kiddo? Roman made some sandwiches for lunch if you want to come and eat” he called. The muttering fell silent but there was no answer.

“Um, Are you ok?” Patton asked hesitantly.

“’M fine.” Remus responded, sounding unconvincing. His answer was much quieter than usual and there was a slight waver to his voice.

“I’m coming in, ok?”

When there was no answer, Patton took that as an ok and cautiously opened the door.

Remus was slumped over at his desk, his head resting on a piece of artwork of a girl with half of her face completely covered in tiny cracks that branched out and bled into the rest of her face and down into her neck…like a china doll that had been dropped and shattered, just on the verge of breaking completely. It was haunting but still beautiful, and though it wasn’t Patton’s type of art, he could still admire the talent and work that went into it.

“That’s beautiful, Remus.” He complimented, still gazing at how intricate the cracks were drawn. Remus snapped his head up and stared at Patton then looked back to his drawing.

“You think?” he asked, chewing his lip as he studied the picture.

“Yeah, of course! The cracks in the face are so intricate and you did her hair so nicely and the way the fractures kinda start to bleed into the rest of her face but fade off. It’s really great. You did amazing.”

“It was gonna be my project for my makeup class. I was gonna add some blood seeping from the cracks and not paint her face so it’d look like an actual fractured human face instead of just a cracked doll and everything! I mean, a cracked china doll is so overdone, right? This way, it’ll look much cooler and probably be a lot creepier. And a bit more gory, with the blood and flesh and stuff.” Remus ranted, smiling at the thought. Patton tried not to grimace at the concept. It really was very cool…just not his type of thing.

“What changed? Did you find a better project to do?” Patton asked noticing that Remus’s smile faded at the question.

“My professor said that it wasn’t possible for someone with my skillset to get it perfected in time and recommended I pick an easier design.”

“What? But that doesn’t make any sense. You’re not going to learn new skills if you don’t challenge yourself. I mean you are in the class to improve your skillset.”  

Remus was silent for a minute before speaking again.

“So…you don’t think I have the skillset either?” he asked quietly.

“Wh—No, Remus. That’s not what I meant. Not at all. I actually think this is right up your alley. I’m sure you’d do amazing. I’m just saying even if that’s what he believes, he should still let you do the project. So what if its challenging? You’re there to learn aren’t you? And if you want to push yourself so you can grow, I think he should encourage that not turn you away from it.” Patton pointed out. Remus smiled, but it still seemed too sad for Patton’s taste.

“What if you did it anyway?” he suggested. Remus’s grin suddenly turned mischievous as he raised an eyebrow.

“Patton are you suggesting that I disobey authority? I never thought I’d see the day.” He gasped dramatically. Patton flushed bright red as he slapped Remus’s shoulder playfully.

“I-I just think that if you do it and perfect it anyway, then you can prove it to him that he was wrong.” Patton defended “But this isn’t worth a lot of your grade or anything right? Because it might be best if you don’t test your professor when you can fail the whole class because of it.”

“No, of course not. It’s just a little project.” Remus replied, waving it off and looking away. Patton raised an eyebrow at his suspicious reaction but shrugged it off as Remus continued.

“I need a subject to practice it on though. None of my classmates like to be my subject anymore.” He pouted.

“Well, I could be your subject if you like.” Patton offered.

“You—You will? But this—I mean, this isn’t usually your thing.”

“It’s not but it still looks really cool, and you always help me with my dance routines. It’s the least I could do.”

“Ok, then. Thanks Patty Cakes!” Remus grinned. Patton nodded, hiding a blush.

“Anytime. Now let’s go get those sandwiches.”

Taglist: @catolicabuena @look-ma-im-on-tv @its-always-the-witching-hour @sure-i-exist @wellhellothere09 @star-crossed-shipper @cemmy 

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 11

Im backkkkk💕 Hey yall so after a very very longgggg break from writing😅😬 I am officially back💕 I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me for their support and their love💕☺️ I am currently working on finishing up this series for yall as well as some smutty😏 requests that have been sent in. And I just wanna say that I love all of yall and yall are the best people out there💕💕💕💕💕💕

Disclaimer: Some Angst, Some Fluff and my horrible writing as always💕 Hope yall enjoy💕

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @readsalot73 @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness @zuxiezendler @thejulietfarciertlove @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @affection-rabbit @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @biss-stuff @funmadnessandbadassvikings

Lemme know if you want to be a part of my permanent taglist as well, so I know who to include in the one shots☺️💕 

-------------------------------------------------

Recap:

Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new clothes. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

-----------------------------------------------------

Ivar’s POV

It seemed like time and everything around me stilled. What had started as a very awkward and unpleasant evening, had become even worse. Just a few steps away from me, (Y/n) had collapsed and I wanted nothing more than to rush to her aid and lift her up in my arms so that I could whisper that everything would be okay. That our son would be fine, because he was a fighter and he was OUR SON! That this was all a nightmare and that I would not rest till whoever was responsible would be put to death by my hands! But how could I? How could I be that person she needed the most when all I had done was bring her pain and sorrow. 

I hand single handedly destroyed her life and her family. It wasn't until I saw her there. Laying down on the mattress as cold as ice that it dawned on me. All the hurt and pain that I place the people I love through... 

“Ivar? Are you alright my love?” Said Freydis as she knelt down before me, whilst placing her hands on my knees. My hands that once rested on the arms of the chair I was in, grasped on to her arms. I lifted my gaze to meet hers with the iciest stare that I could muster. “Do...Not...Touch...Me...Whore. I want nothing to do with you, for I know that somehow you're involved in this. And when I find out how, I will not hesitate to end your life!” I said through gritted teeth, whilst I pushed her down on to the floor. “My king, my god, I have nothing to do with this I assure you! Please you must believe me!” She pleaded with me whilst trying reach for me again. I only stared at her and said nothing back for I would not be able to contain myself from killing her. 

Shifting my gaze away from her I stare at the mattress in the middle of the room. Were (y/n) and Erik lay. Both pale, but you could tell that Erik was not in as bad of a shape as (y/n) was, as he had some colour to his skin. I could see Freydis from the corner of my eyes, lifting herself up and trying to come towards me. This idiot does not give up. I quickly turned my icy glare towards her and she stopped dead in her tracks. Bowed and slipped away from the room.

Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. They showed guilt, anger, even happiness, perhaps at the fact that the only person that has ever loved me for me was dying, but the one thing that showed the most was remorse. And that single handedly told me that she was involved. Freydis was not smart enough to do this on her own, so there must have been someone else pulling the strings. And I would not rest until I found out who!

-----------------------------------------

Your POV

Fluttering my eyes open, I start to notice the familiar surroundings around me. The fireplace’s light radiating across the entire room. Marjorie’s little body at the foot of the bed sound asleep and Erik’s little body hugging her’s closely as if he was protecting her from anything. Erik! At that thought I try my hardest to lift myself off the bed to check on my baby boy, but am stopped by him. “Surely, you're not thinking about getting up, are you now? We both know that’s probably one of the stupidest things you could do in your condition.” Ivar said from the chair he was in. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, maybe even weeks. His hair was disheveled and his eyes held something to them that I couldn't quite put my finger on. 

I tried to form words, but couldn't quite find the right one’s. Ivar stood up from the chair and used his crutch as support to lift himself off the chair and walk towards the bed in the middle of the room. “I..var, what happened? Erik.. h..he was...”  I trailed off before the tears streamed down my face. “Shhhh... It’s alright. Don’t cry, I’ll explain everything that’s happened, but please do not cry. I cannot bear to see you in tears, love.” Ivar said while wiping the tears of my face with his thumbs as he sat down beside me. As Ivar took my hand in his, he recounted everything that had occurred in the last 2 weeks to me. 

Freydis had been escorted back to Kattegat by Ivar’s guards, he did not tell me why, but I could tell that it was something serious by the way his demeanour changed. Bjorn and Hvitserk were set to sail back as well sometime this week as they had treaties and business to attend to in Ivar’s behalf. Who was keen on not leaving my side till I awoke and Erik was back to full health. “And Arthur? Where is he?” I whispered, noticing the children about to wake up. At that Ivar takes a deep breath in and with an exasperated sigh... “He’s gone (y/n). He left a note about a week ago. He said that being here at your side wasn’t his place anymore, that the children and you would always have a place in his heart. And not to worry, that he was not going to revoke the children’s titles. But...” Ivar said looking down at our intertwined hands. For a moment I could see genuine sadness and guilt in his eyes, he looked back at the children and then he looked directly into my eyes. The eyes that I had tried so long to forget. The eyes that brought me comfort, safety and most of all the love that as much as I tried to deny it, he could only give me. “He divorced you (y/n)...” 

Before I could even get the chance to process what Ivar was telling me, I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me. “Mama! You're awake!” Cried out Marjorie. “Oh my babies! Im so sorry, I will never ever leave your sides again do you hear me?” I say to both Erik and Marjorie as I look into their eyes and wrapped them in a bear hug. I can feel Ivar’s stare from where he is sitting and before I realize what Im doing, I pull him in to the hug by the shirt he was wearing. “I cant... breathe...” said Erik from underneath mine and Ivar’s arms. At that we all let out a small laugh and let go of our family hug. “Erik are you feeling alright? Are you sick? We should probably get the doctor. And you should be in bed mister not out of it!” I say once it dawns on me that my son was almost poisoned, and here he is acting as if nothing had happened. “Calm down (y/n), he's alright I had the best doctors taking care of him while you were, you know.” Ivar says as he rubs my back in a soothing way. “Yeah Mama! Uncle Ivar...I mean Papa took care of me and Marjorie whilst you were sleeping, he never once left my side even though he probably should have, he looks terrible.” Erik says as he whispers the end of his sentence making me and Marjorie laugh. Ivar just stared at him not knowing how to reply to Erik. “Rude.” Is all that Ivar said before plopping down next to me on the bed, making us all laugh harder. I could see Ivar playing as if he were hurt by Erik’s statement, but his eyes told me how astonished he was at the fact our little boy was just like him, not to mention the fact that I could tell Ivar was dying of laughter on the inside. 

Moments later as the children are telling Ivar and I what they had done during the week. There’s a knock at the door. Marjorie and Erik go to answer it, as they noticed that Ivar had fallen asleep with his head on my lap and he hasn't slept at all during the last 2 weeks. “Well if it isn't, my beautiful niece and my handsome nephew. Eh! How’s your papa, is he still brooding and acting all grumpy in the corner of the room?” Hvitserk says with a grin on his face that stretches ear to ear. “Nope! He’s sleeping on mama’s lap you see.” Marjorie says as she points toward us from Hvitserk’s arms. “(y/n), you're awake!” He says putting Marjorie down and running towards the bed and throwing himself on it. Ivar’s hand shoots out and grabs Hvitserk’s throat. “Don’t.” He says before letting go and going back to sleep, as he places his upper body across my legs. “And were back to normal people!” Hvitserk as he laughs while hugging me and kissing my forehead.

 “So how are you feeling? How was it actually? Wait you must me insanely hungry, good thing I had your cooks make a feast!” As Hvitserk went on and on asking questions and me trying to answer them to the best of my ability I start to think about my family and what the future holds for us especially now since I’ve lost my best friend. And Im not 100% forgiving Ivar just yet, but I cant help but feel that this is how it was meant to be. Ivar and I listening to the ramblings of Hvitserk and our children and one of us drifting away while the other smiled and nodded. The thought brought a huge smile to my face, and a feeling that I could never forget nor want to disappear. The feeling of Family.

---------------------------------------------------

After a couple of days I still wasn't back 100%, but I couldn't just stay locked up in a room. Ivar protested all he could, but he knew that I would not stop until I got what I wanted. As I made the trek from the castle to the cliff I could see the ocean and how calm and serene it looked. The birds flocking from one place to another and the sun setting in the distance. The view was breathtaking. “You know considering you just got poisoned, you shouldn't be out and about by yourself.” Bjorn said as he approached me at the edge. “I know, but I just needed a moment to myself. To think about things and wrap my head around this mess.” I said pulling the shawl a little tighter around myself, to shield me from the ocean’s breeze. “Here, take this.” Bjorn said as he placed his fur around my shoulders. “I thought I lost you for good (y/n). Those 2 weeks where we didn't know if you would awake, took me to a dark place that I haven't gone too since before you came back into my life...” Bjorn whispered as he looked out towards the sun set. “Bjorn, I’m a horrible person. I can’t stop thinking about how this is the life I was meant to live. Just me, my kids and Ivar. What about Arthur? He was such a big part of my life and I...” 

“You can’t help, but feel guilty. Guilty that was you shared wasn't meant to be, that secretly you hoped for this day all your life? Free from what seemed like a burden?” He says as he sitting down and twiddling with the laces on his boots. “Yes... But he wasn't a burden, he was my friend, my best friend. He was there for me when Ivar wasn't, he took care of me.” I choke out through sobs as I fall on my knees next to him. “I know, but you cant help who you love (y/n) and who you do not. At the end of the day you would have held this in and it would've ate away at you, for Odin knows how long.” Bjorn says wiping away my tears and kissing my forehead. “God I hate you sometimes, you know that?” “Nope, you loveeee me.” We say as we laugh together whilst we lay down on the grass looking up at the stars as the night took over. “(y/n), although you're not technically my sister. I want you to know that no matter what I’ll always be with you and that I love you.” Bjorn says without looking at me. “I know...I love you too, big brother.” I take his hand in mine to show him that nothing has changed between us and that no matter what he’ll always be my big brother.

 Standing up we make our way back to the castle, but before we go in I stop him. “Bjorn, when is the boat departing to Kattegat, again?” “In 4 days time, why?” He asks with a worried look on his face. “Let’s say that I’ll be joining you, 4 years is long enough to be away from home.” I say looking up at him, with a hard look on my face. “I’m not one to stop you, but are you sure that’s what you want?” He says with a worried look. “Believe me, its what I want and what I will do.” 

I had gone too long being afraid of the retaliation that Floki would take against me, but I knew that he had orchestrated this poisoning, for he wanted me dead. However, he had not only messed with me, but with my son and no one touches my children. This time I would not return to Kattegat a scared little girl. I would return as a mother, who would protect her kids and her family at all costs and this time I would not be the one sent away, for I would stay in Kattegat and nothing and no one would get in my way...

[tnystrk-exe]

Learn to Live 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Coming at you with another randomized update

The fight ended as quickly as it had started. There was destruction all around you and you had to keep a sob back as Tony held you in his arms. You had done what you had needed. It was Tony or Killian. Deep down you knew Killian wouldn’t have stopped. It was justified to have killed him, but you had made an oath and you made it your mission in life to honor it. Now it was broken. 

“A helicopter is here,” Rhodey interrupted your thoughts, “We should get going.”

“Tony, Ro,” you couldn’t hold back the sob anymore, “he had sent men to pick up Ro before we even got here.”

He gave a nod leading you into the helicopter and finding a way to communicate with Fury immediately. “Fury, my daughter,” he was cut off immediately, “Is she safe? ...Thank you.”

“What happened?”

“Ro’s safe, she’s with Natasha,” he answered, reluctant to tell you the rest.

You knew, of course you knew, but you had to hear it. “Tony, what happened?”

He sighed before starting, “They came in guns blazing. Mrs. Herrera didn’t have a chance. Mr. Herrera shot a couple of rounds but they didn’t come close to hitting either. Ro she, um, ran outside and hid under the house. Then she made her way to that one closet by the front door. Nat has been on her way since the moment she had heard what had happened to the house. She was on a mission so she didn’t catch wind of it until late. Now she’s staying with Ro at the old house.”

That was it, you had hit your breaking point. 

Tony kept you close to his side the entire time, not willing to let you budge an inch, despite your complaints. You didn’t want to burn him. The risk of hurting someone else physically pained you. No amount of saving people would get the blood off your hands. It didn’t seem possible. Then came the thought you shoved away as quickly as it had came. 

This would have never happened if Tony hadn’t caused it. You’d be with Ro. She’d be playing with the toys Santa had brought her. There would have been some cheesy Christmas movie playing while you and Tony were cuddled up on the couch. Instead you were in fucking Florida with Extremis running in your veins. Ro wouldn’t have ever had to face what she had. 

“I’ll fix it. I’ll do everything. Extremis was almost cracked when I was drunk. We’ll build a new home, together. Ro w-“

“Tony, give her time,” Rhodey cut in, “She needs to process. YN is already in shock, just give her some time. We’ll all be better when we see Ro.”

That made Tony snap his mouth shut and he let you pull away to sink into yourself. It didn’t take long before he was already talking again, making arrangements to get home the fastest way possible. 

The jet ride back home was thankfully quiet. A look to Tony told you he was already working on equations, sometimes risking glances towards you. Other times he mouthed words, his hand tapping on his arc reactor absentmindedly. Rhodey was just resting with his eyes closed. He wasn’t asleep, but not being able to do anything for Ro weighed on him. It was a heavy weight on all of you. 

The second you made it home, you didn’t waste any time. All you wanted was your baby in your arms. Natasha had opened the door nearly the second the car park stopped. Ro stayed tucked away behind Natasha’s leg.

“I owe you the world. Thank you,” you said, your voice wavering, “Come here baby.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Ro shook her head opting instead to hug herself to Nat’s leg. “She’ll keep me safe.”

Tony walked up, crouching down to Ro’s level. “We’ll keep you safe too, sweetheart.”

“No! Big mean men came and you didn’t help me! Mommy didn’t help me! Uncle Rhodey didn’t help me! You don’t love me.” Her breathing started speeding up.

Both you and Tony caught the signs as Nat picked her up. “Hey just breathe with me okay. Focus. Slowly, come on.” Natasha got Ro to focus on her enough to calm down. She walked into the house, expecting the group to follow. 

Tony stood up and reached for you, “YN…”

“Tony, I can’t. Not right now. Just,” you shrugged, not knowing exactly what you wanted to say. Instead you just walked over to Rhodey, who opened up his arms for you immediately. 

“It’s okay. She’ll be okay,” Rhodey reassured you, kissing the top of your head. “Ro’s a strong little girl.”

“She shouldn’t have to be this strong…” you shook your head, “It’s not right.”

Tony watched as Rhodey consoled you. He hoped beyond belief that you could make it through this with him in time. There wasn’t much he could do, both of his girls were breaking his heart and he didn’t know how to fix anything for them. Now he was feeling a panic attack of his own coming on. He walked in the house staying in the entrance way before he was well enough to see Ro. 

“Hi honey, do you mind if I sit with you?” 

Ro nodded, still playing with her legos. 

“You didn’t specify if you cared or not, so I’m going to take that spot next to you,” he joked, hoping to settle her back into the normal. Tony sat down on the floor beside her. “Are you okay, baby?” 

She shook her head.

“Are you scared?”

“Yeah, daddy,” she sniffled. 

“You’re safe. I promise. Daddy really messed up and I’m so sorry. I love you more than anyone in the world.”

“I know, daddy.”

He sighed, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you, Nat.”

She gave him a look, “Do you realize everything you risked? For what?”

“I don’t know.” Tony shrugged, he didn’t know how to explain this one away. “It was the heat of the moment. I couldn’t think straight. There was nothing but pressure and I cracked.”

“This shouldn’t happen. It isn’t something that just happens. That little girl depends on you and you failed her,” Natasha said, not one to beat around the bush, “Maybe her mom might not say it, but it looks like she’s really feeling it.”

Tony looked away and steeled his voice. “I know.”

Nat looked up at the clock, “I got to get going. Have things to handle somewhere else.”

“You’re leaving?” Ro asked, shooting up from her spot. “Don’t go. You promised you’d stay!”

“I have somethings I have to take care of. Your mommy and daddy are here and I know they’d protect you. You know it too, remember how much you wanted them back home not too long ago.”

Ro immediately went to hug Natasha’s leg. “Will you come back?”

“Yeah, kid, I’ll come visit you. I’ll even bring you a surprise,” Natasha assured her. To be frank the short time she had spent with the child, Ro had Nat as wrapped around her little fingers as Clint’s kids had. 

“Bye bye,” Ro managed to get out as she started to cry. 

“Bye,” she patted Ro’s back soothingly, shooting a look at Tony, “You better fix this.”

Tony didn’t offer much more than a nod as he picked up Ro into his arms. 

You pulled away from Rhodey when you saw Natasha step out of the house. Opening your mouth to speak, she stopped you before you got a chance to even get a word out.

“Before you say it, it’s fine. I don’t need you to say thank you.”

“I don’t know if there’s anyway to ever repay you.”

“It’s not necessary. Besides, I already claimed that cute kid of yours as family,” Nat gave you a kind smile, “Now, I really have to get going. I’m following some leads and as much as I’d love to stay a bit longer, well you get it.”

You nodded, “Yeah. We’ll see you around?”

“I promised, Ro.”

“How about we get you inside,” Rhodey asked when Natasha left, “I’m sure Ro misses you.”

You nodded taking a deep breath and walked inside the home. Rhodey had helped get you balanced again. Now, all you needed your child in your arms. “Hey Ro Bear,” you greeted quietly, watching her careful stare.

“Hi mommy.” Ro reached out for you, her little hands grabbing at the air something that she had grown out of a while ago.

Tony saw the slight hesitation in your eyes. “It’s okay, you could never… y’know. Come get her.”

You took those couple steps forward and took her into your arms. Pressing kisses to her cheek before you hid your face against her hair, “I’m so sorry, Rhodes.”

“It’s okay mommy,” Ro cuddled her small from closer to you.

“It’s really not, but I’ll make it up to you,” you promised. Despite your current feelings, all of the confusion you were still feeling towards Tony, you still freed an arm from under Ro and pulled him closer. 

Tony let out a sigh of relief and he quickly wrapped his arms around his girls. 

Rhodey took the opportunity to slip away to his usual room. The three of you needed your time together. He’d have all tomorrow to tuck base. 

“I’m squished,” Ro complained quietly, “Can I sleep with momma and daddy?”

“Yeah, honey,” you pulled away from Tony, “You ready for bed?”

She rubbed her eyes, nodding.

It hadn’t taken long for Ro to fall asleep in the middle of the bed.

“I, um, I’m pretty sure I figured out the cure,” Tony spoke suddenly, “I’m going to shower and go down to one of the labs in a minute.”

“Just stay for tonight, Tony,” you sighed, “We’ve all been through enough.”

“Where do we stand?” He needed to know. Not knowing was killing him.

You shook your head, opting to stare at your hands instead of his eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Please, just talk to me…”

“What do you want me to say Tony?” You asked, almost pained. 

“Anything. I just need to hear what you’re thinking,” he begged, “I can’t stand the quiet.”

You scoffed, “Like what? The second I heard that our daughter had been in danger I hated you? And in that brief moment I had wished we didn’t meet back up at Rhodey’s that day? Or that, maybe, three days ago, if someone had asked me if I was sure I loved you it would have been a non question. Because I knew I loved you since we were kids and living without you for those years were hell. But all this happened and I honestly don’t know anymore. So much fucking happened all at once…” You didn’t think you’d go on that long, but there it was, you said it. 

Tony laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m just… I always fuck up,” he sighed, wiping stray tears off your cheek, “It’s funny really. All these months I’ve stayed awake, hoping to make something that could protect you two. Only to put you in harm's way myself… Then all I can think about was the last time we were altogether like this. Remember that?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Ro was jumping up and down in bed, singing that Dragon Tales song to wake us up. I got to wake up to the two of you and I couldn’t imagine anything better. You leaned over to kiss me and morning breath and messy hair could have never mattered again because that’s what I wanted all my mornings to be. Now the idea of not,” he choked on his words. Taking a moment he shook his head clear, “Whatever you want. That’s what we’re doing. You just can’t… I don’t know if I can go back to a life without Ro.”

“It was just something in the moment… I’m not sure I could ever do that.”

There was a quiet moment before Tony piped back up. “Anything else?”

“We all need therapy.”

“That we do. Then we both need to get cured.”

“What do you need cured?” You looked at him confused. 

Tony tapped the arc, “As much as we got used to it, it’s not supposed to be here, remember?” 

You reached out to touch it, “It’s going to be strange.”

“You don’t hate Iron Man now?”

“I can’t hate something that saved you. As tough as these past few years have been.”

“Yeah… I’m thinking about slowing that down too. No more personal fights. Just whatever S.H.I.E.L.D. needs me to do and that’s all.”

You looked at him carefully, “Are you saying that to sway me?”

“No,” he shook his head, “We both know what I’d prefer. Yeah. But it won’t work if only one of us wants this. I’m not doing anything, except support your choice.”

Your hand slipped from the arc reactor into his hand. As confused as you were about things, he was always the person you’d open up to the most. It was tough feeling this way toward him. “I don’t know yet, if we’ll get more mornings like the last one. I need some time to sort through everything. But I need you to know that I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop loving you. In any capacity.”

He squeezed your hand gently, “I know, sweetheart. Whatever comes we’ll learn. We’ll figure it out the best we can. Having you beside me in any way is enough. But I am selfish enough to ask for something.”

“What do you want?”

“If you do decide to break up with me, I want one last kiss,” he winked at you to show that he was joking.

“I’ll think about it,” you laughed quietly. God today was a roller coaster of emotions. 

He looked at you, “Are you okay?”

“Other than family things… No. I know he wouldn’t have stopped. It was necessary what I did, but I broke my oath. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not. You devoted your life to it. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

“I’m not sure I deserve to be a doctor anymore,” you sighed, “As much as I know it’s what had to happen. I can’t get past it.”

Tony moved to sit on your side of the bed. He made you look him in the eye, “No one deserves to be a doctor more than you. You’re a damned good one. You care about each and every life that’s placed in your hands. With what I’ve been doing lately, you don’t see that much. The sweat and tears you’ve put into this, don’t let it be for nothing. I know you can make it past this.” 

You don’t know what had clicked, but you closed the gap. Tony was always so warm and comforting. That’s all you needed right now, just to feel something nice for a second. 

He wasted no time pulling you onto his lap that same second he felt your lips against his own. Truth be told, he didn’t know if you’d let him do this again, so he took his time and committed it to memory. When you pulled away, much too soon, he chased after you. Opting to press a quick kiss to your cheek when you were too far. 

You tucked yourself under his chin, arms wrapped around him. All you needed was to ground yourself. Just for a moment. Tony shifted so that he was sitting against the headboard.

“You should rest honey,” he murmured against your hair. “You gotta be exhausted.”

“I just… I really wanna stay like this with you for a while. Is that okay?”

“Of course, it is.” He pulled you close, dropping a kiss to your head.

A couple tears fell. So much had happened and he couldn’t hold them back anymore. God he really fucked it up this time. Every other time, it was him on the line. The risk was all his and you and Ro would be standing with open arms ready to have him back. Ready to shower him with hugs and kisses. Now, because of his mouth. His ego. The both of you had fronted all of the damage. In comparison he hadn’t been through anything. Enough had happened and more than enough was lost. He just hoped Ro would be okay. He really needed her to make it back from this. 

The idea of messing her up was too much to bear. It was what he had feared the second he heard her coo papa. He couldn’t bear the idea of Ro not being that bright child she had always been. Part of him thought you were right in wishing you hadn’t met up that day at Rhodey’s. The two of you deserved so much better than what he brought to the table. 

You knew he had started crying and hugged him closer. He wouldn’t talk to you, you knew it, he’d think it was selfish to after everything that had happened. So that’s how you stayed, until eventually your breath had evened out and you’d find sleep in each other’s arms. 

-

It wasn’t until a couple hours later the two of you woke up, still wrapped together. A gut wrenching cry pulled the both of you into high alert mode. Tony turned on the lamp as you got up. Ro’s cries continued but she wouldn’t respond back when you tried to engage her. 

“She’s having a night terror,” you sighed, trying to pat her back soothingly. “Go get water for when she comes to. Tones come on, it isn’t time to feel sorry about yourself.” Maybe it was a bit harsh but you couldn’t see that look in his eye. 

Tony nodded and walked out. You stood and rushed to the bathroom. Just for a quick breath and to grab a towel to wipe the sweat from Ro’s forehead. 

“Momma,” Ro screamed through her tears.

You quickly came out, sitting next to her on the bed willing for it to be over with already. “Shh baby, I’m here.” You pressed a kiss to her head before wiping down her face, “It’s okay, honey, you’re safe I got you.”

Despite your soothing words she still thrashed in your arms. “Help! Daddy!” 

You knew Tony would be able to hear that clear as day. Whether he was stalling in the kitchen or not. Your heart broke a bit for him. “Shh, daddy’s gonna be right here okay? Mommy and daddy won’t leave you alone again.” You couldn’t resist putting her on your lap, hoping somehow it would comfort her. 

Tony finally came back in, his own eyes red, and set the glass of water on the bedside table. He quickly joined you in bed, attempting to sooth Ro with a hand on her back. “You’ll never be in danger again. I promise.”

The two of you spent the next ten minutes trying to calm down your daughter. Knowing there wasn’t really much you could do until she brought herself back. Still that didn’t change the worried glances or the absolute failure the both of you had felt in that moment. 

“Daddy?” Ro said suddenly, her breathing still erratic but still in better control than earlier. Even in her still sleepy state, she still noticed the tears that had streaked Tony’s face. It had been rough. “Wrong?”

“Nope, Rugrat,” he smiled, whipping his eyes, “we’re okay.”

Ro sighed sleepily, cuddling close to you. “We’re safe mama?”

“Yeah, we are,” you leaned down to kiss her head, “Why don’t you drink some water before you go to back to sleep?”

“Okay,” she yawned as if nothing significant had happened. Tony helped hold her glass as she drank and she quickly slumped against you after. 

“That was…”

“Rough,” you finished for him.

“I’m-“

You already knew he was going for an apology. “Tony what’s the point? You didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want this to happen. But it is and it’s going to keep happening, at least for a while. Somehow we just gotta figure out how to help her and keep on going, that's all that matters.”

Tony sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. He got up and walked into the closet, “I can’t sit tight. I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t think so,” you sighed, “it was worth a shot.”

“I can’t sit down here and do nothing, YN.” He came back out of the closet in a fresh set of clothes, his hands still fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, “I gotta do something.”

“I know, Tony. Go.”

He walked over to press a kiss to Ro’s cheek and another to your head. “I'll come back home later. Call me if anything.”

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Learning To Live

| @editsbyjenny | @vesta-ro |

[threelivesthreeworlds]

Anonymous asked: Hello sorry if I was unclear. What I meant to say is that most people have a superficial view on intimacy of any sort, and so while I love Tang Qi's portrayal of romance, I hate most people's physicality-obsessed interpretations. Dunno if it's a western thing, but fanfiction is so out of alignment with canon romance themes that the characters are barely recognisable anymore. (1/4)

Secondly, Most readers/viewers do not give characters like Yehua or Lian Song a chance before making stereotypical assumptions about them. I love their real personalities, flaws and all, but I hate the sheer hyperexaggeration the fandom makes out of it (e.g. hating on Ji Heng). People just cannot see a character as a whole but put them into one category or the other. (2/4)

Thirdly, I just added that I relate to Lian Song(depression etc) because I kinda share his views on romance/love and don't really care for physical aspects that much. I'm aware he's a playboy, but he's also not a stereotypical one (which is unfortunately how most people interpret him) so it's a relief that your blog instead backs up my interpretation of him with facts. (3/4)

Lastly, I'm so sorry for ranting in the Q & A section. Making several points with a word limit really compromises what I'm trying to say 😆. But the bottom line was that fandoms' misinterpretations of your favourite characters makes it hard to see them in an objective light again. (4/4)  

(this 4th one came in after most of our answers were done, so we apologize if it comes off a little ??? we weren’t aware of the end goal for the anons received. We mean no ill-will in how we come across, just elaborating on things and we hope that’s alright with you. <3)

(Admin Lin): Hey! Thanks for sharing your opinions, though these anons are starting to get a little haughty for our own comfort to continue addressing. Both admins have our own grievances with the fandom / how it views particular characters (Ji Heng being a prime example here), however the fandom still offers plenty of good things from it. This is not only a western fandom “issue” (I say as this physicality isn’t necessarily an issue), it can be found in the eastern fandom as well for not only this series but others as well. Both admins are in fact western fandom despite Admin Ro being Asian.  

        As for when it comes down to interpretations - Peach Blossoms is written in first person and hard to find on the western side of the internet; Yehua has an extra from his perspective but that’s the only direct contact we get with him that isn’t through Bai Qian’s eyes. Qian isn’t a romantic person nor does she necessarily find what he does romantic, she’s been engaged to him for so long she kind of considered their engagement troublesome due to her past experience with his Uncle Sang Ji. When it comes to the drama’s take of Yehua, we get a clearer idea of him but at the same time it’s easy to see where others can’t grasp him in his entirety or simplify things when in a fanfiction. Or, for the likes of me, knows what he’s like but can’t formulate a more articulate summary or introspective version of him because of his extensive complexities and in some ways, the knowledge of a Chinese household of some fashion to express the intricacies of his upbringing. It’s merely harder. 

         In the case of Lian Song - the Western fandom doesn’t have access to the information that can be found on this blog as easily because Lotus Step is in the middle of a hiatus but will continue serializing by next year. So, it’s no one’s fault for misunderstanding what kind of playboy he is since that was only addressed in the fall of last year and the dramas both make it clear he’s a playboy / amorous person but never elaborates on it. So it’s an easy assumption to make that he may be a typical playboy by fans of the other available media because he’s not featured beyond Yehua’s uncle or Donghua’s best friend with touches here and there of his connection to Cheng Yu. It’s only in his novel that we get to see a different side of him that will ultimately have a shift at some point to what we see 50,000 years down the line. So, I’m not actually bothered by this myself, personally. It is bound to happen because no one on the western side of the fandom has as much access or want to read an untranslated novel. 

        With TQ’s stance on romance writing, I will say the concept of eternal love or a love that lasts 3,000 lifetimes is a very Chinese one that unless one digs through it with patience and interest in Buddhism / other Eastern religions, that it can be a harder nuance to grasp for those unfamiliar. 

(Admin Ro): We’re sorry you’ve had bad experiences with “fanon” material. We’re thankful that you like the content on this blog enough to comment on it! These are my opinions on the whole affair: as a Chinese woman who reads Chinese novels, from a perspective of writing tropes, hyper-exaggeration is already frequently utilized...in canon. And - from a personal standpoint, when the tropes hit right, I - don’t necessarily mind. Depth can be dug out of the text, but it’s understandable for people to simplify when they’re simply writing or analyzing for their enjoyment.  

        I’m ace, so maybe I understand, Nonny, when you say that you don’t care for the physical aspects of love.  I personally, in my life, don’t necessarily want or need that kind of intimacy, and I don’t find myself straying into the smut tag too often to read about it as it stretches my comfort limits. Granted, I am not sex-repulsed, and it takes a great deal to upset me - however, if everything is in layers and someone enjoys writing smut, then they simply enjoy that layer. Romance isn’t less good and interpretations aren’t less good if there’s a degree of physicality in it. Heck, Admin Lins and I have discussed extensively the physicality of these books - we keep it off the blog 80% of the time because tagging, but it’s a present theme. And, all of us enjoy different things. At the end of the day I think we can’t say the tropes aren’t good when the tropes are the lead-ins that drew us into the more extensive stories.

         Furthermore, a lot of what is on this blog is “read,”and I will never say my read of a character or a part of canon is “right” - or that it's “right”-er than someone else’s. Yes, there’s room for passionate debate as evidenced by many, many essays, but I’m not upset when I can’t change anyone’s mind. People are not automatically wrong when they disagree with me - even if there’s textual evidence, there is difference in interpretation of that textual evidence. I understand why fandom thinks the way it does - though, you’ll have to forgive me, my brain is 90% of the time focused on Pillow Book. Regardless, whether you walk out of a book thinking “this character has this much depth and this many flaws” or “this character is just a flat out antagonist” is very much dependent on you. Yes, we as a blog synthesize textual evidence to make that synthesis easier, but ultimately we are no better judges of anyone’s personality than anyone else out in the fandom.

         Rather, I think sometimes for the sake of finding reasons or understanding, or when we look for evidence fitting our own assumptions about characters sometimes we lean into a softer read, maybe entirely without realizing it. This is a big no in the world of analytical writing for the sake of, ironically “objectivity”  - but this is for enjoyment and not academia. There are times when textual evidence is untouched by the author's tone in terms of connotation and so when we take it for our reading and we have our pre-formed opinions we fall a little more between the lines. Admin Lins and I obviously differ in where this happens as we each have our own, minutely different vibes for characters in question. We know where our confirmation biases in interpretation might lie. Everyone has those. 

         Up till about February or March this year, I, like a lot of the rest of this fandom, wanted to roast Ji Heng on a spitfire. That is my bias. We are humans, and I think we are perhaps incapable of reading something and staying entirely objective to each character. I clawed my way out of my bias (I say ‘clawed’ because it was difficult), however, by looking at the book, looking at my own opinions, looking at other people’s opinions and asking myself: which parts of this is most likely to be true? I think the only way of striving toward objectivity in terms of portrayal is to consider other people’s portrayals, even if you don’t like them - and see if there’s any truth you can see past your bias. And to accept that truth, even if it’s a hard pill to swallow.

         I guess what I have been trying to say, for this entire time, is that we are not the authority on what is and isn’t objective, on what is and isn’t right in these characters, interpretations, and this blog. We are glad to be an interpretation you enjoy - but that doesn’t mean the rest of the fandom who have different opinions are wrong or misinterpretations. I realize we can come across like that sometimes because we make salty memes and because we write long paragraph essays when we have opinions, but ultimately, no one is wrong. Our bubble of enjoyment is our bubble, and no one has to agree with us.

[parisian-nicole]

Aftermath: A RoLo Fic

Summary: Set after DOFP (movie version). Logan is keeping a secret from Ororo.

Rating: M for adult language and violence.

Date: Written 10/07/2019 but finally finished/posted online 12/31/2019

***

“Good Morning, Logan,” She greeted as she rounded the corner of the maze garden to stand before him suddenly. He stopped abruptly a little surprised that he hadn’t sensed her presence nearby. He had been out of sorts lately, his mind preoccupied and that was what he had chalked it up to. But the truth was she had been stalking him for a while, as she worked up the courage to confront him. She had also used her powers to shift her scent away to purposely throw him off guard.

 “’Ro,” Logan mumbled out a greeting as he dropped his eyes and began to step around her and continue on his way out into the back forest for his morning hike. She watched him closely and curiously. His entire demeanor was so off to her lately. The way he seemed to not want to talk much with her. Not that it had ever been his thing with others, but they would often have long and deeply intellectual conversations about any and everything, something Ororo enjoyed ‘before’. Now, he’d usually give her a nod or a mumbled reply whenever she tried to strike up a conversation. On the off chance she could get close enough to him to speak he would never look at her. It was as if he were cowering away, which is something Logan would have never done, ‘before’. But the most hurtful thing for Ororo was the fact that he seemed to go out of his way to avoid her. It had become so painfully obvious to her that she felt she had to find him, corner him, and ask him why, what she had done.

 “Logan, can we talk a moment?” She called out to his retreating back. She could see his shoulders stiffen as he stilled in his steps. He didn’t immediately reply or turn to regard her, and had he not stopped and not been who he is, she would have assumed he hadn’t heard her. She could hear the sigh fall from his lips the second before he turned back to face her, and it crushed her a little more inside. Why did he seemingly not care for her company when ‘before’ she would have attested that she was the closest person in the entire mansion to Logan. Dare to say that she was his closest friend and confidant, as she felt he was hers. In that moment as he stood in front of her looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else, she found that she had lost a lot of the courage she had mustered up to confront him about his change in behavior towards her. Now, she avoided his eyes as she fought to keep back the tears that suddenly wanted to overcome her. “Logan, are you mad at me?” She finally asked so softly, in such a meek manner she sounded pathetic to her own ears. And his barking reply didn’t help her any.

 “What?” He sounded harsh and irritated.

 “Have I done something to upset you?” Ororo rephrased her question. She lifted her eyes, even as her head bowed to him and she gripped her hands together in front of her. Again, Logan sighed as he closed his eyes a second while he shook his head. Then he opened his eyes once more and held her gaze, and something shifted as his hardened shoulders now drooped in defeat. The steely glare that was just in his eyes melted and they now held regret as well as concern.

 “Naw, ‘Ro, I ain’t mad at you and ya ain’t done nothing to me,” It was his turn to bow his head.

 “All right, then could we please sit and talk a moment?” She asked as she gestured to the nearby stone bench, one of many places throughout the gardens. Logan simply nodded in agreement and when she moved to the bench and settled upon it, he followed her actions. “I sense there is a strain between us, my friend,” She began and noticed the way he snapped his eyes shut and clinched his jaws. He looked as if he were battling within himself. “Please, Logan, please tell me what is wrong,” She reached out and placed a hand atop his, but he abruptly pulled his hand away. Ororo tried to not let her hurt show. “You say I have done nothing and that you are not mad at me, but it is very apparent to me that there is something going on.”

 “It ain’t nothing ya gots to worry about. I’m dealing with some personal things and they ain’t got nothing to do with you,” He offered.

 “I think that was the first time you have ever lied to me, Logan, and you are very bad at it too,” She replied as she frowned up a bit in offense. He threw his head back, looked towards the sky, and sighed. “And stop that!” She demanded as she jumped from the seat beside him, which alarmed him a bit. “Stop sighing like that and treating me like my mere presence or the sight of me annoys you. You’ve been acting this way for weeks now and I want to know why. Ever since your return … I don’t understand entirely all that the Professor told of you coming from the future or another timeline, that you altered. Honestly, thinking about the logistics of it all and how it’s even possible gives me a headache. But what I do know is that you were in a future that was horrible, so horrible that the future professor sent you into the past to change it. You did change it and somehow, you’ve changed the present too. Or maybe you haven’t changed anything. Maybe you are not you, not my Logan, but a you from that alternate future flung into another reality. From a reality where we are not friends, or maybe I didn’t even exist,” She spoke mainly to herself as she mulled the thoughts over in her head. She had seated herself back down beside him during her tirade and Logan sat silently watching her. He was slightly amused but also ashamed that he had caused her such distress. He had thought that by distancing himself it would make things easier for them both. He now realized it was mostly for himself.

 “I’m me and this is my reality, a new reality from the one I remember. Things have definitely change from how they were before, but better in a lot of ways. And if Charles is right, hopefully, it will be a much better future for the world. Billions of people human and mutant will live. And you will live ‘Ro,” He said the last part so gently and the way that he looked at her as he said them led her to believe that in the future he came back from, she had died. “But…” He trailed off not sure he wanted to continue. The Professor had warned him about discussing the future for fear it would somehow alter it and undo what he had done. Logan had just scoffed at him and jokingly told him to just send him back again to fix it like before. In truth he had already spoken with Jean about it some as well as Cyclops. But this conversation with Storm he had not wanted to ever have, it was just too painful.

 “But what, Logan, please tell me?” She asked but didn’t push him because she knew when cornered Logan would either lash out or get out. She also knew he wouldn’t purposely attack her and so he’d close himself off and walk away, and she didn’t want that.

 “I didn’t want to do it, go back to change the future,” He finally confessed to her what he hadn’t even shared with the Professor, though he supposed that he knew already.

 “B…but, the Professor said that we were at war with giant human made robots created to capture mutants, and that they ended up turning on both mutants and the humans who created them. That the world lay in ruins and only a handful of us were left. It sounded terrifying and horrible,” She said and he nodded in agreement.

 “Yeah, it was so bad that the skies had become so polluted from all the atomic dust from the bombs the Sentinels kept dropping on us, the sun hadn’t shone through in nearly a decade. Nearly all of our friends were gone. Every inch of the Earth was pretty much scorched. We had ta fight nearly every second of every day ta hide and survive it.”

 “Then why in the world would you want to remain in what sounds like a hellish existence?” Ororo questioned. In reply he dipped his finger inside the collar of his shirt and tugged on the chain he wore. Instead of the dog tags she had expected to see him holding, her eyes fell to a gold wedding band.

 “It wasn’t all hellish ta me,” He answered somberly. “I don’t even know how this survived,” Logan spoke again. “I mean I know I’ve altered the future and changed the past, so this shouldn’t have remained but it did. I thought about ask’n Charles about it, how it was possible, but I was too afraid that he would want me to give it up, destroy it, or something like that. I’d rather die. I’ve already given up everything, even the woman who gave me this ring. So, this I’m gonna keep come hell or highwater.”

 Ororo sat transfixed as she stared at the ring that glistened in the sunlight. It suddenly became so clear to her and she knew without a doubt she had given him that ring. It explained his recent behavior towards her. Why he avoided her like she had the plague. Why she would sometimes catch him staring at her in a way that made a heated blush creep all over her body and then in another moment his gaze would be one of sorrow.

 “My Goddess,” She gasped out as she reached out and touched the ring. “I was your wife, wasn’t I?” She stated with conviction as she knew it without a shadow of a doubt and he nodded.

“Yeah, darlin, you were my wife,” He affirmed as he dropped his head a bit and locked his sorrow filled eyes to the ground. “You were my everything. And I knew that if I went back ta change the future, I would lose you. It was like lightening in a bottle the first time around us gett’n together, and I knew there was no way in hell I’d be that lucky again. So, initially I had said no but you were so mad at me and you said you’d go if I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let you do that. Not knowing what might happen to ya. So, I went and did what I had ta do. Then, when time caught up ta me and I was back here everything was like it was but different too. Folks who had died before were alive again and that’s how I knew it had worked.”

 “Who had died in this present time, before?” She inquired momentarily forgetting the issue between them.

 “Scott, Charles, and Jean,” He answered and she bunched her brows in confusion as her mouth fell open in shock. “I could try to explain it to you, but do you really want that headache, darlin?” He asked and she quickly shook her head but knew that she would ask him to explain things another time. “Good, I’m sure you’ll have enough hella nightmares tonight just knowing that in some once upon a future time, you were married ta me,” He tossed out jokingly along with a sad smile.

 “Not at all,” Ororo replied as she shook her head a bit, her eyes still locked onto the ring. “I have often thought that you were my kindred spirit and I think we are quite compatible in many aspects, Logan. I just never thought that you would ever be interested in anyone other than Jean. But I suppose in that timeline she was dead and I was there so…”

 “No,” He quickly cut off her train of thought as he frowned up at her words. “It won’t like that at all. You weren’t a replacement or stand in fer Jean,” He spat out as if the words left disgust in his mouth. “Ya helped me heal from the guilt of killing her,” Her eyes enlarged in horror and shock at hearing this. “That’s a story for another day, but believe me when I say I had no choice. She’d already killed Scott and Charles and she begged me ta kill her ta stop her. Hell, you were the one that told me it was the only thing to be done… Look, it’s a long story and not one I’m even sure I should be tell’n you. Just know I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t needed,” He spoke with pleading eyes which held true remorse and regret that Ororo could see and she calmed herself and nodded.

 “Of course, Logan, I know how much you love Jean,” She replied honestly.

 “No, ‘Ro. I care fer Jean, but I don’t love her,” He confessed as he shook his head to deny her words. “I know I put up a good pretense from your recollection, but I’ve since had decades of living and experiences. I’ve had the love of a good woman. You taught me the true meaning of love and I ain’t never felt that kind of love or loved anything as much before nor since,” Logan declared and by the way she fidgeted nervously he wondered if he had said too much or scared her. “Look, I’m sorry ‘Ro,” He said suddenly as he stood from the bench which caused her to stare up at him in confusion. “I shouldn’t have told’ja ‘bout none of this shit.”

 “No,” She interjected as she hurriedly stood before him and placed her hand upon his forearm. “I mean, thank you for telling me. I am glad that you did,” She then noticed the way he looked at her with a longing gaze and she quickly snatched her hand away from his arm and took a step backward. She understood now that her presence was a painful reminder for him of what he had lost, and she didn’t wish to make things harder for him. “I now know that you have not been mad at me.”

 “No, never,” He said as he bowed his head and let out a heavy sigh.

 “And now that I know the secret of why you have been aloof, I hope you will stop it, please. Logan, it is quite hurtful to me to have you, the person I feel closest to, be so distant with me,” She pleaded and he tossed her the saddest look she could ever recall seeing on his face. Along with a crooked smile.

 “I imagine it is no more hurtful than to have you, my wife, be so close to me but not share my memories of us. And not being able ta talk ta you, touch you, or have you the way I want you,” Logan countered as he looked at her lovingly while he lifted his hand with the intent to stroke her hair. But he quickly fisted his hand and snapped it back to his side.

 “I am so sorry, Logan, I did not think before I spoke,” She stammered and silently cursed herself at her callousness. He had just confessed to her that in the future he had come from they were married, and that in is mind’s eye they still were. Yet here she stood seeming to care more for her own feelings than his. “Well, we have quite the conundrum, don’t we?” Ororo offered with a kind smile as she bowed her head a bit while Logan nodded fully understanding what she meant. “You cannot stand to be near me as it is painful for you, and it pains me deeply when you stay away from me. And I know that it must seem very selfish of me, but I do miss your company, Logan. I miss our friendship,” She said this softly as tears sprang to her eyes. “And I wish that we could be as close as we used to be, but I never want to cause you pain. So, I shall try to keep my distance, give you space, and wait for you to tell me how you want things between us to progress,” She stated and moved to him without thought and embraced him as she had many times before. She then tried to pull back but realized Logan still held a tight hold on her as he buried his face into her hair that fell across her neck. She felt heartless in this moment. After all he had just told her, and what she had just promised she still put her selfish needs before his needs. She had done something that was so normal and natural for them, and what she desired most in the moment. She had embraced him and likely invoked memories she could not share with him about a life and love they had some place and time ago. After a few seconds where they stood there embracing Logan finally released Ororo but neither stepped back from where they stood toe to toe and face to face. Something about the way he stared at her, the closeness of him, how what he had told her made her feel…all of these things stirred something within her that made her step back to him. She moved her face closer as she intended to place a kiss on his lips, but Logan’s sudden grip on her forearms stopped her.

 “Please, don’t,” He nearly growled out through gritted teeth as he stared off at something in the distance, purposely evading her gaze.

 “I…I am sorry,” She apologized as she took a couple of steps back from him and wrapped her arms around herself as if to shield herself from his rejection.

 “You ain’t done nothing wrong here, ‘Ro. Yer just be’n you,” He offered an explanation to try to ease the distress he could see he had caused her. “But if you kiss me, I don’t know that I would be able ta stop myself…” He let the words hang there and she truly understood and simply gave him a curt nod as a reply.

 “I promise I will try to be more aware of your feelings Logan, and work to not do or say anything that might cause you painful memories,” She declared.

 “None of my memories of you are painful, ‘Ro. It’s just the leav’in you that haunts me. So, you don’t need ta tip-toe around me or change the amaz’in person you are, not fer me,” He said as he tossed her a genuine smile. “’Sides, there probably ain’t nothing you could say or do that is gonna change this fer me,” He placed his right hand over his heart. “I’ll see ya later,” He added as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, bowed his head and continued on his way. Ororo turned and watched his retreating back as she thought on what he had told her and why it caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach. She watched on until she could no longer make him out in the thicket of the back forest, and then she made her way back up to the school.

**

Sometime later

**

“So, he finally told you, I’m glad,” Jean replied to the tale Ororo had just shared with her. Ororo had come from meeting with Logan and immediately headed down to Jean’s office in the medlab. She had needed some girl talk with the person, next to Logan, she was closest with. Ororo had cast herself onto the leather sofa in Jean’s office and shared what Logan had told her. From the outside it would have looked as if they were holding a therapy session, as Jean sat in the matching chair nearby listening intensely to her beloved friend.

 “Wait, you knew of this and did not tell me, dear sister?” Ororo asked as she leaned up on her elbows and threw Jean a surprised look.

 “Yes, Logan mentioned it in one of our talks, I think it has been eating him up inside and he needed to tell someone. And how could I tell you? It was not my story to tell, it was Logan’s,” Jean stated and Ororo knew she was right. “I am actually surprised he told you. He had been so adamant that you never know the truth. I had advised him that I think it would help you both, as I could sense your distress at how he had been avoiding you. But Logan can be quite stubborn,” Ororo only nodded to that very true statement.

 “Well, I cornered him and gave him little choice,” She said and it was Jean’s turn to nod and she chuckled a little.

 “Yes, and I did inform him that that would very likely happen, but he was so sure that he could play a better game of cat and mouse then you,” They both giggled at this. And then Ororo grew somber before she spoke again.

 “Did he tell you about what happened with you in the past, the past before he changed things?” She asked Jean and the way the red head dipped her head and dropped her eyes shamefully to the floor spoke volumes. Ororo could see it was a touchy subject for her. “I do not mean to pry, if you do not wish to share it is all right.”

 “No, it’s okay,” Jean shook her head and latched her green eyes onto Ororo’s blue eyes. “It is still so difficult for me to believe that I maliciously harmed the Professor and that I … I actually killed Scott,” She choked on a sob at those words, as she lifted her hand to her mouth as if to hold in a scream or her breakfast from getting out. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself and Ororo sat quietly and allowed her to recover. “But as he told me everything, I could see all of the things he had experienced, seen, and done in that time. He has retained it all. Even the Professor knows…remembers things, to some extent.”

 “It must be so difficult for Logan, having all of those memories of things that happened but now didn’t happen. My Goddess, it makes my head ache a little whenever I try to sort it out, I cannot imagine how horrible it must be for him. I know the Professor has the ability to deal with it better with his powers, but poor Logan.”

 “And what about poor Ororo?” Jean questioned and Ororo turned a puzzled gaze to her friend.

 “What about me?”

 “Well, how do you feel now that you know you were Logan’s wife and the true love of his life? And I must admit I am a little sore to discover I never really held that last title,” She quirked her brow with a smile as she teased a little.

 “I…I feel no…nothing. Why, wh…what should I feel?” Ororo stammered as Jean’s smile broadened over her friends obvious flustered state.

 “I don’t know. I just thought it might cause butterflies in your stomach at knowing you hold the heart and soul of the mighty Wolverine,” Jean countered and then laughed outright at the way Ororo narrowed her eyes accusingly at her. “Oh, sister, I didn’t need to read your thoughts to know that. I have experienced first had what it is like to have Logan’s attention. I recall the flutters I’d get sometimes when he’d say something flirty to me or I’d catch him staring. I would never act on it but I won’t lie, it had invoked some very intense and graphic wet dreams.”

 “Jean!” Ororo exclaimed around a laugh as Jean too giggled.

 “What? I am human you know and Logan is very handsome and damn sexy, and don’t you dare sit there and pretend like you have never thought and wondered about him like that,” Jean said as she arched a brow at Ororo.

 “I admit that I have. Maybe, once or twice … Or hundreds of times,” Ororo giggled and then squealed as she gripped one of the pillows on the couch and covered her face briefly with it while Jean laughed at her disclosure. Then Ororo tossed the pillow at her friend’s head, who effortlessly stopped it mid-air and gently placed it back upon the couch, just as Ororo knew she would do. “But it was easy for me to desire him from a far and have fantasies, because I knew Logan only had eyes for you, and that I never stood a chance of ever being able to act on any of it,” Ororo volunteered.

 “But you wanted to,” Jean stated as she gave a knowing smile while she quirked her brow.

 “Goddess, Yes,” Ororo hissed out as she laid back more and stared up at the ceiling with a dreamy look in her eyes and goofy smile on her face.

 “Well, I’d say your chances are pretty good now,” Jean replied. “And you could start right now…please come in Logan,” Jean spoke out as she kept highly amused eyes upon Ororo, whose own eyes doubled in size as she abruptly scrambled to stand up from the couch just as Logan opened the door and entered.

 “Oh, sorry, Red, I’m not interrupt’n nothing, am I?” He asked as he frowned up a bit and took note of the fact that once again that day Ororo’s presence had surprised him. Although, he figured it shouldn’t since she was all that he seemed to think about even more so now than when he had first arrived back in the present time. So, she had his senses on overload already.

 “No,” Ororo yelped out as he bunched his brow at her in slight concern. “No, we were just…” She looked to Jean for help.

 “Oh, just having a little girl talk,” Jean said with a smile. “You know, talking about the boys Ororo likes,” She added.

 “Right,” Ororo agreed with a nod and smile that faltered just a little as her mind played back the words that Jean had spoken. She wouldn’t allow herself to turn and glare at her friend as she longed to do, but she did send her a flash to her mind of how she was going to pay her back later.

 “Oh,” Logan replied as his face fell a little as he thought about the ‘boys’ Ororo might like and she somehow picked up on his train of thought and wanted to reassure him somehow.

 “I mean, no we were not talking about ‘boys’ I like,” She started to explain as she shot a glance to Jean again for some assistance and Jean was all too happy to oblige.

 “Right, I’m teasing. It wasn’t ‘boys’ in the plural sense. We were just talking about one, ‘you’, Logan,” Jean stated and Logan arched a brow, intrigued while Ororo tried to keep her plastered-on smile in place as she clinched her teeth and turned to Jean. She flooded Jean’s mind with all of the profanities she could think up along with vengeful, murderous thoughts. Jean found it even more difficult to contain her laughter at her friend, as she knew Ororo would never actually do any of the things she was thinking. However, seeing her usually composed friend throw such a mental tantrum was entertaining. Even still she decided to let her off the hook and help her out. “I hope you don’t mind Logan but Ororo mentioned that you have finally told her about who she was to you in the future. And I was just saying how it is good that the air is clear, and now hopefully you both can come together and find a way to work and live more harmoniously again.”

 “There has been no real discord between Logan and I,” Ororo argued.

 “No, not intentionally,” Jean continued making sure to broach the subject carefully as she could tell by the look on Logan’s face it was not something he wanted to be discussing with the current audience. “But I have become aware of a rift between you two, and please know that I have not and would never intentionally probe you, but sometimes you both ‘think’ very loudly,” She tapped her temple as she said this and both Logan and Ororo understood and felt remorse that they had allowed their thoughts to project onto Jean.

 “Sorry, Red,” Logan grumbled out.

 “As am I, I shall try to be more mindful, Jean,” Ororo added.

 “There’s no need to apologize, your thoughts have never cause me physical pain, though I find that it does still pain me to see my friends in such despair. Logan, I don’t know that any of us can help ease the pain of the loss that you have experienced. But I want you to know that I do realize the sacrifice you made, and because of it I am here alive and well, as is Scott, the Professor, and probably billions of others. And for that I will be eternally grateful and I will do whatever I am able to do to help make your transition into this ‘new’ reality and life easier,” Jean promised as she heard Ororo’s thoughts drift across the room. Ororo had said that she wished she knew of his sacrifice. As if she were a Genie granting a wish to her Master, Jean, in an instant telepathically sent some of the poignant thoughts and memories that Logan had shared with her about all that he had gone through. Normally, she would never had thought of doing such a thing as she knew it was a violation to Logan and his trust in her. But in this case, she was very sure that it could be a catalyst that would help both Logan and Ororo to find peace, and maybe something more. It all literally took Ororo’s breath from her as she gasped out and stumbled a bit. Jean helped to keep her standing with her telekinesis, while Logan looked at her in growing concern.

 “You all right, ‘Ro?” He asked as he fought to remain still and not reach out for her as he was longing to do. After their morning chat he had decided he would work harder to suppress any thoughts of a life he once shared with her. He hoped that it would at least make it easier to be around her more since that was something, she wanted from him, and he could never deny her anything as she never asked for much.

 “Yes, I am fine,” She smiled warmly at Logan and then rushed to Jean and embraced her, which her friend welcomed with a smile as she reciprocated the hug in kind. “Thank you, Jean,” She whispered and Jean knew it was thanks for sharing Logan’s thoughts more so than the chit-chat they had. She stepped back and then moved beside Logan. “I shall see you later, Logan? May…maybe we could have an evening stroll through the forest, after dinner?” She offered as she coyly ducked her head, lifted her hand to her hair, and used her fingers to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. Jean tried not to look like a fangirl as she internally rejoiced at how cute they looked as they stood before her like two teenagers who had a major crush on one another. A walk through the forest was something they had done quite often before this new Logan arrived, and Ororo had truly missed it. Now, that she had some glimpse into the life Logan and her future self had shared, she was very curious to know more about ‘them’ and how they had gotten together.

 “Sure, darlin, if ya want to,” Logan agreed with a nod as he thought that at this rate his plan to smother his thoughts and feelings for her was going to surely be shot to hell. But he recalled their evening walks and felt that they were the times when he felt most at peace. Alone in the darkened wilderness with a child of nature like himself whose night vision was just as good as his own. Sometimes they would walk for hours in silence relishing the sounds of the nature surrounding them as well as the other’s company. He did miss that immensely and if she wanted to talk and walk in the forest, he would give her that and bask in it as well.

**

Later that night

**

Once dinner was done Logan and Ororo had made their way out the back entrance of the mansion, through the back gardens, and then into the woods. It had been a full hour and a half of them silently walking as the full moon hung high in the sky, before Ororo had mustered up enough courage to speak.

 “I have really missed this,” She confessed with a sated sigh as she reached out her hand and looped it around Logan’s arm, and when she noticed no recoiling movement from him, she pressed her body against his side. This type of closeness between them was a completely, natural, amicable, and platonic way for them, but now it stirred a warmth within both of them that started in their bellies and fanned out down their legs. Both felt it instantly and intensely and both tried to ignore it. “I know that I am being so selfish demanding your time like this,” She said but he reached up a reassuring hand and placed it on top of the one that gripped at his arm.

 “Naw, you ain’t. Yer just doing what we’ve done a million times before,” Logan stated. “And I ain’t gonna lie, I’m being a little selfish too enjoy’in yer closeness. I know that this version of you ain’t my ‘Ro, you ain’t my wife, but at the same time you are my ‘Ro. You just don’t have the feel’ins that she had for me.”

 “But you still have your feelings for me, l mean, her?”

 “Yeah I do.”

 “And even though I am not her in the sense that I never had her experiences with you, you still love me just as you loved her?” She asked meekly and hoped that her line of questioning did not anger or upset him.

 “Yes, sorry but I can’t help it,” He said with a heavy sigh and then they both grew quiet. Ororo had decided she wouldn’t ask anything further from him as this revelation was mind-blowing for her. She was sure that he had nothing else he would share, and so she was stunned when he continued on several minutes later. “Yer still her, you know? You may not have all of her memories and may never have them but, it ain’t like you are a completely different person. Yer, you, just a you with a different perspective ‘cause ya never experienced what my ‘Ro had. And I probably ain’t making much sense, huh?” He tossed out around a smirk as he bowed his head. Ororo just stared at him seeing him as clearly in the darkness that currently surrounded them as she would were the sun hanging in the sky.

 “No, Logan,” She countered with a gentle smile. “That was actually the only thing that I have heard about this entire future past saga that makes any real sense to me.”

 “Oh, yeah?” He replied as he graced her with unsure eyes, while hers twinkled delightfully back at him.

 “Yes,” She affirmed and she nodded her head. “I am your ‘Ro, just ‘before’,” Ororo’s smile widened as she thought on it with a newfound clarity. “Before you swept me off my feet and made me fall in love with you. And I must admit I am very curious to know how exactly you did that.”

 “Did what?” He asked around a chuckle though he knew full well what she had meant. He was very pleased that she seemed to understand things more clearly, and ecstatic that she wasn’t rebuffing him completely. Instead she acted as if she wanted to not just know about his ‘Ororo’s experiences but somehow experience them for herself.  

 “How did you sweep me off of my feet, woo me, dare I say court me?” She asked teasingly as she poked at his side. This was familiar for them both this comfortable and easy camaraderie they had always had between them.

 “No, you shouldn’t say, ‘cause none of that happened,” He said with a slight smile as he nudged her with his elbow to let her know that though his words may have sounded harsh, he had no ill will about what she suggested. She understood but also thought maybe it was too touchy of a subject for him and she released her hold on his arm and picked at her nails.

 “I am, as Rogue would say, being too nosey, aren’t I?” She asked as she bowed her head a bit and some of her thick white tresses fell down across her face. Again, Logan found himself battling his urges for her as he had wanted to reach out and rake his fingers through her hair, instead he reached out and grasped her hand and once again looped it around his arm.

 “No, and I know you know me well enough ta know that if you we’re I’d tell ya ta-”

 “Mind yer gotdamn business, Storm,” She cut him off as she did a horrendous impersonation of him, though the words had been spot on. He couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out as his head fell back a bit while his body joyfully shook. She laughed along with him just from the happiness of seeing him so carefree and relaxed, as it had been a long while she could recall seeing this in him. And it tickled her pink that she was invoking this side of him. After a moment for them both to collect themselves she spoke again. “So, if you are okay with sharing then please tell me.”

 “Tell you what? What exactly do ya wanna know, darlin?” He replied as he yanked a thin long twig from a nearby branch as they passed and slid the end between his lips as the rest dangled out the corner of his mouth.

 “You know, how you first romanced me. You are not the wine and dine, bring a girl flowers and candy type. That’s more Scott’s style.”

 “Very true, but yer not the kinda woman to swoon and be impressed by all that sorta stuff, either. That’s more Jean’s style.”

 “Touché,” Ororo said and she smiled widely at the fact Logan truly did understand her better than most. “Tell me this, when did you first kiss me? And I know we have kiss probably a thousand times as friends, but I mean the first time you kissed me as a man kissing a woman he liked as more than just a friend,” The smile on his face disappeared and she wondered if she had crossed a line she shouldn’t have. But before she could take it back, he began to answer her.

 “Actually, it was here in the forest on a night just like tonight; a full moon in the sky, us walking arm-in-arm,” He said as he bunched his brows and looked to be contemplating something, while letting the twig fall from his mouth. Although this news probably should have made Ororo uncomfortable and racing back to the school it hadn’t. It only piqued her interest more as the butterflies stirred up in her belly again. “And for the record, as improbable as it might sound, you were the one who initiated that ‘first’ kiss not me,” He added that cliff note in the hopes to lighten the moment and not have it feel awkward for her.

 “Not improbable at all, I can totally see myself doing that, kissing you first,” She chimed in nonchalantly also hoping to make him feel less awkward. Logan watched her out of the corner of his eyes as she looked everywhere but at him. She was pretending to be more at ease than she really was. He could see the slight blush that spread across her neck and clavicle bone. The way her heartbeat increased and how the hairs on her arms stood on end. But it was the scent of her that stopped him in his tracks. She was aroused and it was heady and strong to his nostrils and senses.

 “We should probably head back now, ‘Ro,” Logan stated as he began to turn them but Ororo resisted as she pulled him back towards her.

 “Did I ask your permission first?” She questioned him further as if she had not even heard what he had said. Logan shook his head a little to push off his arousal as her delicious musk began to overwhelm him.

 “What?” He replied as he found it somewhat difficult to follow her line of questioning, never mind trying to think of a coherent response as his engorged member started to cut into his jeans.

 “No,” She answered her own question as she shook her head slightly. “I do not think I would have asked, not with you. Your spirit is too wild. I would have had to capture you,” As she said this, she reached out both of her hands and cupped his face. Logan stood stock still as he watched her every movement in anticipation and some fear. “And taken what I wanted of you,” She continued while she leaned into him and tugged him closer. Her movements were not rushed but meticulously slow. She stared directly into his eyes as she moved closer. She wanted him to see and fully understand her intention, and give him time to end things if he so chose.  Finally, she closed the distance and covered his mouth with hers. Logan welcomed the kiss as he opened his mouth and busied his tongue with hers. Ororo moaned out her pleasure as the kiss deepened and she wrapped her arms more snuggly around his neck and entangled her fingers in his hair. For Logan, although his mouth told of his insatiable and ravenous need for her, the rest of his body did not move. A deep growl emanated from his chest. When she started to involuntarily rub her body against his, the sound of metal scraping metal filled the air as his blades unsheathed. Ororo stopped and pulled back some as she looked at him nervously. “Is that a good thing or bad, do you want me to stop?”

 “Darlin, that’s me try’n really fuck’n hard right now ta be gentlemanly and not ravage you,” Logan hissed out through his clinched teeth. As she took him in, she could see how every muscle in his body seemed to be coiled up tight as he fought to keep whatever urges he was feeling in that moment contained. Just knowing that she had made him on the verge of hysteria with desire for her only made her want to give him whatever he wanted. And so, she leaned back into him, moved her mouth to his ear, licked his lobe before she spoke again.

 “Logan, I have never thought of you as the gentlemanly kind, and I know you can smell just how much I want to be ravaged by you.”

 “’Ro, you aint gotta do something you don’t wanna do, or wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. I do wantcha, but not like that,” He said as he retracted his claws, reached up and gently grasped her arms, and held her at a bit of a distance.

 “Do you think that I go around throwing myself at every man that crosses my path?” She asked though her voice and face showed no irritation or anger, for she knew he knew her better. “Right, and you also know that I do not tend to do things that I do not want to do. And no, these are not ‘normal’ circumstances. In this reality I want you just as much as I have always wanted you, Logan,” She confessed and he snapped his shocked eyes up from where he had been looking just off behind her, and locked onto her eyes. His face held a look of awe and disbelief to what she had proclaimed. “Except in this new reality you actually want me in return. You seem to no longer desire Jean’s attention and affections but you want mine. And I know I am not your wife, at least not yet,” He arched his brows in surprise to those specific words, ‘at least not yet’. “But as you have said I am still her, still your ‘Ro, and I promise you that I do desire you probably just as much as she did.  Would it be a terrible thing to explore something romantic between us? I would like to and I am willing if you are, Logan,” She said shyly as she bowed her head a bit, too embarrassed to face him.

 “We gotta go back to the mansion,” Logan spoke more gruffly and a scowl covered his face as he grasped her hand and pulled her along with him at a quick pace. Ororo was in tuned with his demeanor and she instantly knew that his curt action was not a rejection but that there was something seriously wrong.

 “Logan, what is the matter?” She asked as she hurried along with him.

 “We need to go talk ta Charles.”

 **

A short time later, back at the school

**

 “Charles, I think I have royally fucked up things here,” Logan barked out as he burst through Professor Xavier’s closed office doors. He already knew the man was inside and he had never been one for being courteous particularly when he sensed danger.

 “We are sorry for bursting in on you like this Professor,” Ororo apologized as she had been tugged along by Logan’s hand. He released her as he raked his hand through his wild hair and began to pace a little.

 “I knew I should’ve left as soon as I got back here. Gone up to the Canadian wilderness and just retired or something, let the future just happen,” Logan began to rant as he paced. Ororo stared at him wearily as she watched him devolve into a near manic state. It didn’t help her fears any when she looked to the Professor as he sat watching the flames that danced in the nearby fireplace, seemingly disinterested in their presence. Though she knew he was hanging on every word Logan spoke. “I think it’s all happening again. I might have changed or fixed some things in the past but the endgame is gonna be the same,” Logan stopped and looked at Xavier who in turned looked back up at him as well. “Just now when ‘Ro and I were out walk’n in the forest she … we,” He paused as he took a deep breath to try to calm himself and to find the right words. He didn’t really wish to say anything disrespectful of Ororo or cause her any kind of embarrassment but he knew now was not the time for delicacies. “We almost shared an intimate moment out in the woods,” He finally divulged and Ororo defensively wrapped her arms around herself as if to shelter herself from being exposed. “And I swear it happened almost exactly as it did before, the first time in the other timeline.”

 “It did?” It was Ororo’s voice that touched his ears with the question and he looked over at her shocked face.

 “Yes, some of the dialog changed but some was verbatim, and the scene was identical,” He confirmed. “And I don’t know if my telling you about us being married in the future triggered something but…” Logan now focused back onto the Professor. “But what if my telling any of you about the future somehow makes it happen?”

 “I do not think that to be the case Logan,” Xavier finally spoke.

 “You sound sure,” Logan countered as he frowned a bit at how calmly the Professor seemed.

 “Yes, quite,” Xavier replied with a slight smile and he opened one of his desk drawers, pulled out a newspaper, and tossed it across the desk towards Logan. Logan picked up the newspaper and read the headline, “Dr. Bolivar Trask Vs the Mutants”.

 “Dr. Trask announced today that he has found a solution to the ever-increasing Mutant population, which he will present to the U.N. when they convene next October in New York,” Logan read aloud. “I knew it,” He barked out.

 “Look at the date, Logan,” The Professor instructed and Logan did and his mouth fell open a little at what he saw. “That paper is nearly a year old and it was published long before you returned back to this altered time.”

 “Wait a gotdamn minute, Bub,” Logan practically growled out as the veins that had started to appear in his neck bulged. Ororo could feel the sudden rage sipping out of him and directed at the Professor and she carefully took steps to place herself between the two men in the room. She also telepathically called out to Jean to make her aware that there may be trouble and to come to the Professor’s office with Scott. “Are ya tell’n me that I came back here fer nothing. That I left my…” He moved his bloodshot eyes to Ororo just as Jean and Scott appeared at the door. “It was all fer nothing, it didn’t stop anything? Did you know even then that it wasn’t gonna make a fucking difference?”

 “I am sure that me from your future time suspected as much, but Logan, some things did change and we have yet to truly know of what the future might bring us now. Your wife died in that future fighting to keep the Sentinels from stopping what we were trying to do, sending you in the past. She understood how important it was for you to return here, that even if there was a sliver of a chance that it would change that future, it was worth it. And I promise you her sacrifice was not in vain,” The Professor said as he tried to calm the man before him who he could see was battling his berserker rage.

 “Wait, sh…she died while…” Logan questioned as the rage seemed to drain from him and was replaced with a mournful cutting sorrow. “While I was still there in that time and you didn’t let me go help her? You did nothing as she died, as our baby growing in her belly died?” Logan spat out around angry sobs. All the others in the room looked on in shock and could sympathize and almost feel his pain. More so Ororo than the others as she instinctively clutched a hand to her flat belly. It was her voice that offered him some sense of reason.

 “Logan,” She called to him softly as she moved slowly to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. He only dropped his head and clamped his eyes shut as if the mere sight of her was too much to bear in that moment. “This is not the Professor who did those things, you cannot lay your anger and blame onto him. Also, you know as well as I that I would freely sacrifice myself for the greater good. That is my nature. You yourself told me how hellish our future had become and I know that I would have done anything in my power to change that if I could have,” She gasped a little in surprise when he snatched her into his arms. His weight wasn’t heavy though she felt weighed down by the despair he was in. He took her with him when he crumbled to his knees and cried into her hair and shoulders. She just pulled him closer and held him tighter.

 “I’m sorry ‘Ro. God, I’m so sorry I left you, that I didn’t protect you,” Logan babbled out not caring that there was an audience who were witnessing him in this weak moment. He had lived long enough and seen so much in their war with the Sentinels that he long ago gave up keeping up some hardcore nothing hurts him façade.

 “But I am here Logan, I’m right here with you now and that future has not happened,” She assured him as she rocked him in her arms.

 “And it may never happen,” The Professor spoke again. “Logan, I truly believe that sending you back has provided us the potential for changing things. Just look around you, there’s Jean and Scott alive and well. You did that. Before you returned, I did not know of the true plans that Dr. Bolivar Trask had planned, that he was planning to build Sentinels. Now, thanks to you we know and we can better prepare,” The Professor’s words seemed to finally reach Logan who sniffed back his tears and cast a deadly glare up at the wheelchair bound man. “We can come up with a way to stop Trask and make sure the future you came from never happens, Logan.”

 “All right,” Logan replied calmly as he released Ororo, stood up, and then helped her to stand. He then turned and silently stalked to the exit. Jean and Scott both stepped aside to let him pass.

 “I will stay with him,” Ororo said as she was already following him.

 “I think it would be best to allow him some time to digest things,” The Professor suggested and both Jean and Scott nodded in agreement.

 “If you really think that Professor then you do not know him as well as you may think you do,” She replied as she paused at the door to look to her mentor, and then hurried down the corridor after Logan. She caught up to him a moment later just as he had opened his bedroom door and was about to enter his room. “Would you like some company?” She asked as she moved up beside him at the threshold and leaned against his door jamb.

 “Any other time-” He started to speak but she stopped him as she danced around him and made her way inside.

 “Great! I would love some company too, so shall we just keep each other company?” She said as she moved to the king-sized bed in the middle of the room and plopped down on it.

 “Look, ‘Ro, I’m really drained right now,” Logan spoke as he still stood at the opened door. “I just learned that my wife and unborn child were killed and I…” He paused, dropped his eyes to the floor, and then closed his eyes a moment. When he opened them again, he looked over at Ororo who looked back with concern plastered all over her face. “I just really want ta be alone right now. I’ll probably just sleep, I feel like I could sleep for days,” He sighed out as he rubbed his right hand against the back of his neck.

 “Oh, cut the shit, Logan,” Ororo spoke in a demanding tone as he arched a brow at her. “You are trying to get rid of me so you can sneak out, track down Trask and his secret lab, and leave a trail of blood and carnage in your wake. Am I right?” She arched her own brow as she folded her arms across her chest and stared defiantly back at him as if she were daring him to deny it. He scowled at her, let out a frustrated growl, and pushed the door shut as he fully entered the room. He moved to his closet to grab the gear he always kept ready for his secret covert getaways, which apparently wasn’t so secret or covert to Ororo he thought. He inwardly laughed over the fact that she always could tell when he was up to something.

 “Yeah, when yer right, yer right, darlin,” He didn’t bother wasting anytime denying it. “And if things ain’t changed I know where he’s build’n the Sentinels, and I’m gonna go there and I’m gonna gut that motherfucker and then chop his head off,” He proclaimed. “Ya know, all the shit he was always spout’n about how humans should fear mutants and how the Sentinels were human’s best chance ta save humanity, that fucker is actually a self-hating mutant,” He could see the horror his words had invoked in Ororo as her complexion paled a little. “That’s right, ‘Ro, it was one of us who decimated all of mankind, not the humans like we all thought it would be.”

 “Well, I know I cannot stop you when you get like this, so I shall not try.”

 “Good, ‘cause we ain’t got the time ta waste.”

 “Agreed, and so I will not try to stop you but I shall join you on your mission.”

 “Fuck that, nun-uh,” Logan shook his head at her words.

 “And why not?” She asked offended. “You and I have gone on many missions together Logan, and you have never had to carry me. I have always held my own in every single one of them and even saved your ass a time or two.”

 “Look woman, everything I have done up to this point has all been for you, ta keep ya safe. There ain’t no way I’m just gonna walk ya right into danger. You ain’t had the pleasure of meeting one of those Sentinels yet, ‘Ro and if I have anything ta say about it ya never will,” Logan declared and Ororo was a little scared at the thought of seeing one of those giant killing robots that it seemed may still destroy the future. Yet she knew there was no way she would allow Logan to face them alone, nor did she want to alert the others into it either. If she and Logan were to fail the world would need the remaining X-men to fight for the survival of mankind.

 “Logan, I am not your wife ‘yet’,” She stated as she stood and folded her arms across her chest and glared him down. Again, he found himself to be taken aback by her referring to the possibility of becoming his wife someday. “So, you do not get any say in what I do or where I go.”

 “Yer right,” He agreed with a nod as he looked down to the floor a moment before looking up at her again. “But ‘Ro please don’t fight me on this,” He looked at her and his eyes looked desperate and sad. “I don’t wanna lose you again,” As she took in his nearly defeated demeanor, she stepped up to him and cupped his face in her hand. He closed his eyes and turned his face more into her hand. He took in deep breaths as if to replenish her scent that he often feared was fading from his memory.

 “You will not lose me Logan, because as we do on any mission, we go on together, you shall have my back and I shall have yours. So, I have no doubt that we will be the victors. We have the RoLo Combo, remember?” She coaxed with a smile as she used the team name Logan had christened them with after their very first solo mission together. Because he had been so impressed with her fighting combat skills. When he had first said it to her, she had rolled her eyes and scuffed at him, but internally she had been delighted that the badass Wolverine thought she was a great teammate and could hold her own in battle. Logan dropped his head a bit and chuckled at the name as his mind flashed with some great and damn near perfect fights they had been in together. The way they moved together was like a dance, and they were so in sync every opponent they ever went up against always fell fast and hard.

 “Yeah, I remember darlin, and there ain’t nobody else I’d rather have watching my back than you, Storm,” He declared with such conviction in his eyes it made her chest puff out just a bit.

 “And I too feel the same way about you, Wolverine,” She announced and smiled inwardly at the fact they were using their codenames, which they always did when they were heading into battle.

 “Right, and I suppose you want to get everybody else, hop into the Jet, and go do this?”

 “No,” She replied and he furrowed his brow a bit in confusion. “I think it is best we do this mission secretly and on our own. If something happens to you or I-”

 “I won’t let nothing happen ta ya, ‘Ro,” He promised and she gave him a kind smile and a nod. “Never again,” He mumbled out the last bit but she still heard it and it touched her heart.

 “Still, it is best that the others sit this one out. In the highly unlikely event that something was to happen to us, they will be there to pick up the torch and continue the fight,” She stated and he could understand what she was saying and so he didn’t argue her point but instead gave a nod. She was relieved that he seemed resolved to the fact that she was going with him. “Now, please tell me this secret Sentinel lab is in driving distance, because I think it shall be very difficult to sneak out the Blackbird without anyone noticing.”

 “Yeah, Trask started in a lab just outside the city, about an hour’s drive,” Logan said.

 “He has been so close this entire time?” Ororo asked as she shivered involuntarily at the thought that this monumental danger was literally in their back yard.

 “Not fer long,” Logan assured her and she looked to him and nodded, and then they suited up, grabbed Wolverine’s special gear, and snuck out to complete their mission.

 **

A couple of hours later

**

“What is wrong?” She asked him with an amused look on her face as she watched him tug and stretch in the uniform he wore, which he had been doing since they left.

 “I had forgotten just how restricting these damn suits are,” He huffed out. “Ya’d think Charles could find a better design, I mean, leather, really?” Wolverine tossed her a disgusted look and she giggled.

 “Well, maybe you had gained a few pounds in the future,” Storm teased and was rewarded with a playful growl. “I have no complaints I think it fits me very well.”

 “Yeah, I think it does too,” He replied as he raked a hungry glance over at her. “But it ain’t never been very practical in combat. In the future I designed our suits and they had kevlar plates to help minimize damage to the body. All tactical and built for combat.”

 “Doesn’t sound very fashionable. I personally…”

 “You’d prefer to be as naked as the day you were born, I know,” Logan finished for her and she was stunned for a moment that he knew exactly what she was going to say. “You don’t change yer beliefs and views much over the next 20 some years, baby,” He chuckled out as his eyes remained fixed on the huge metal door nearly 40 feet from their position hidden at a side building. She blushed a little at his term of endearment, which flew from his mouth so naturally she was sure it hadn’t registered to him that he had even said it. He lifted his arm and checked the military grade watch housed there. He noted that it took the guard exactly 19 minutes to go around the entire building. “Looks like this place is set up so that is the main way in and out,” Logan whispered as he pointed at the large door before them.

 “That does not seem practical or smart,” She offered as she pressed herself against his back to get a better look.

 “Yea, well I’m sure Trask has some other secret way out, in case the shit hits the fan,” Logan offered. “And we don’t want that, we need ta find a way ta get in undetected so we can stop him before he escapes and we need ta shut the entire thing down.”

 “Well, lucky for you, you marry a master lock picker. We should go, I would say we have got about 15 minutes before those guards make their way back around, and if that lock is digital, I might need all of that time to break it,” Storm said as she moved around him and hurried to the locked door. It had only taken her 4 minutes and 11 seconds to break into the digital lock and get them inside without alarms blaring. “I hope that is a skill I have been able to retain in 20 years,” She playfully whispered to Wolverine.

 “Darlin, age has only improved ‘everything’ aboutchu,” He replied as he stealthily led the way down the corridor. She smiled in kind at the compliment as she followed him.

 “For this to be such a secret compound holding Trask’s prized Sentinels there is not much security around the inside,” Storm observed.

 “Yeah, I noticed that too,” Wolverine countered. He then lifted his head and sniffed the air. “Shit!” He exclaimed as he looked to a darkened door way to their right. Storm followed his gaze and let out a gasp as a red light suddenly illuminated the room.

 “Mutant lifeforms detected,” A robotic voice spoke out and they could hear the echoed steps of the yet unseen being as he moved to them.

 “Is that a Sentinel?” Storm questioned as she stared over at the machine that now stood before them in the corridor. “I imagined them to be much bigger,” She added as she stared curiously at the robot that seemed to be the same height as her.

 “Trust me, they get a major upgrade in the future,” Wolverine promised. “I’m talk’n skyscraper big,” Storm frowned up at the thought of it. “And they do more of the try’n ta kill us and less of the stand’n and stare’n,” He continued as he frowned up at the machine standing there seemingly void of any real threat to them.

 “It seems to be in some early stage of development then. Maybe all it can do is detect a mutant,” She offered and as if her words had been a reminder the red light in the Sentinels visor brightened.

 “Get down,” Wolverine barked out as he shoved Storm away just before the blast intended for her struck him in the back. The roar it pulled from his lips and the grimace on his face, told Storm it had really hurt him. But Wolverine’s recovery time had always been quick and in his next breath he had already turned and decapitated the iron beast, whose body remained standing as its head rolled back into the dark room it had ventured from.

 “Wolverine! Are you okay?” She asked as she rushed to his side while he leaned against a nearby wall.

 “Yeah, darlin, I’m all right,” He answered as he patted her hand which gripped at his arm. He took note of the fear and concern in her eyes and wanted to soothe her. “But I’d forgotten how badly their blasts burned. “But I’m all healed now, see,” He turned his shoulder a little and she was able to see a hole in the suit caused by the blast, and she also could see his fully healed fleshed underneath. She smiled and then surprised him when she swooped in quickly and captured his mouth in a kiss. It quickly deepened for a few seconds before they both remembered themselves and where they were, and they slowly pulled from the kiss.

 “Thank you for saving me,” Storm panted out as she pressed her forehead to his and stared intensely into his eyes.

 “I’ll always save ya ‘Ro, or die try’n,” He declared softly as he reached up and stroked her cheek and she blushed sweetly at him. “Now, how about we blow this place up and head home?” He said as he reached into one of the pouches in his suit and pulled out the advanced micro C4 patches that Forge had designed. They were lightweight and tiny but just a couple of ounces of it had the blast power of an atomic bombs. “I think there ain’t many security guards on the inside because they’ve got active Sentinels to protect things. So, stay alert,” He instructed and she nodded as she followed. As they made their way through the warehouse like building, they had come upon and dispatched four more Sentinels. And Wolverine would occasionally stick a C4 patch on a wall. Storm silently watched him and thought it was a bit of an overkill but remained quiet. She could see that the man before had lived a hard life and suffered many losses. Now, he had a chance to change things and he was determined to do everything in his power to ensure history didn’t repeat itself. They had scoured the entire building, which took nearly 2 hours given its size, but they had managed to allude several more Sentinel guards. Finally, they reached the end where there was another large metal locked door. It took a little longer for Storm to crack this door, which told Wolverine that what he wanted was behind it. When the door opened it showed a large lab where a couple of dozen people bustled about. All the people were either too busy or didn’t care to notice their new visitors. They all continued their work which was piecing together humungous Sentinel parts. “Master Mold,” Logan hissed out.

 “Master Mold?” Storm repeated curiously.

 “Trask’s Momma Sentinel. Its job is to create more Sentinels quickly and efficiently. He felt humans can make mistakes more easily than machines, so he eventually takes them outta the equation. In about 10 years from now, that thing is gonna become sentient and it’s gonna realize it’s at the top of the food chain and that humans should be eliminated just like mutants. It’ll want Earth to be Sentinel populated only. It’s definitely gotta go,” He announced as he smacked C4 patches against every panel he walked by.

 “Logan,” Storm broke protocol and used his name as she kept a quick pace behind him. “We have to evacuate these people before we blow the building.”

 “Why, these were the motherfuckers who build the gotdamn things, they’re the reason for everything. So, let’em burn.”

 “No,” She stopped as she reached out, gripped his arm, and pulled him around to face her. “You cannot be serious. I will not be a party to murdering innocent-”

 “Innocent!” Wolverine yelled and she jumped a bit as his rage brushed over her. Even a couple of the nearby workers had stilled and looked at the wild man they hadn’t noticed before. “They had a hand in the death of billions. They’re the reason yer…” He pursed his lips, shook his head as he closed his eyes a second to clear that last thought from it. “They cause it all.”

 “But they are not aware of what will happen, only you have the knowledge of that future. We do not know what Trask has told them about what it is they are building here. And I cannot allow you to be their judge and executioner, I will not,” She stated and her eyes whitened to let him know that she meant it and that she would fight him if she had to, to help protect these people from him.

 “Fuck, why do ya gotta be so righteous all the time, ‘Ro? It’s gotdamn annoying,” He growled out.

 “No more annoying than your ‘leave nothing alive’ policy. Why do you act so heartless when I know first-hand that you are not?” She countered but she could tell that her words nor the threat of a fight had swayed him. “Do you love me, Logan, love your ‘Ro I mean?”

 “Yes and yes, yer one and the same. Thought we’ve covered this already,” He answered around slight pants as his body shook with his rage and his hands itched to get started with some sort of destruction.

 “Then if you love me, please spare them for my sake,” She pleaded. “Because if you do not, I promise I will never forgive you,” She threw down the gauntlet and they began to stare one another down, neither giving an inch in their stance. All of the workers had stopped in their tasks and were engrossed in the stand down that was happening in the middle of the room.

 “If you sons-of-bitches wanna live, ya better get outta here now,” Wolverine commanded as he continued to hold his mad gaze onto Storm, whose hard-glaring back faltered a little as a pleased smile pulled at her lips. When he noticed nobody was moving, Wolverine grasped the gun he had holstered on his right thigh, rose it, fired off a couple of shots. “Get the fuck out,” He roared and chaos ensued as the men and women ran for the exit screaming and tripping over themselves. As a man and two women tried to run by where he and Storm still stood, Wolverine shot out his arm and stopped them. “Where’s Trask?” He asked as he turned to them mincingly. Fear filled all three as they shook with fear. “Well?”

 “W…we don’t know,” One of the females finally answered and Wolverine aimed his gun and shot it so quickly and the woman crumbled to the floor with her bloodied knee before Storm could even react.

 “I really only need ‘one’ of ya ta tell me what I wanna know,” Wolverine growled out the threat as he cocked the gun.

 “Dr. Tr…Trask’s office is through those doors and at the end of the corridor,” The jittery man was the one to speak as the lone female vigorously nodded her head and also pointed. “He’s in there right now if you need to speak with him.”

 “Thanks,” Wolverine muttered out as he shoved past them. “Storm, make sure everyone gets out safe.”

 “What? No, I will not leave you,” She attempted to argue.

 “Hey, you were the one with a conscience, I wanted ta blow’em all up,” He said as he kept walking. “So, they’re yer responsibility.” *SNIKT!* “I’ll take care of Trask,” He said as he disappeared through the opened labs door that led to where Trask’s office was. Storm stared after him for a second before the terrified man recaptured her attention.

 “C..can we leave now?” He asked as he stood stock still, too afraid to move.

 “Yes, I shall help you get out safely,” Storm replied and they helped the wounded woman up and all exited out the building. Once outside she had made sure all the workers had gotten through the locked security gates that encased the grounds. It hadn’t taken much convincing as most took off full speed as soon as they exited. All that remained were the dedicated security guards. She had told them that the place was going to blow up and in reply they had fired their guns at her, so she had to use strong winds to push the guards back and kept them from harming her or rushing inside to ambush Wolverine. Although she knew he would be able to smell them coming. Storm anxiously waited for Wolverine to come out. She found it distracting as well as draining to wield her powers while watching for Logan to walk out or for the building to blow up. A moment later Wolverine burst through the exit at full speed.

 “Fall Back!” He yelled as he fast approached where she stood. Storm rose herself up and drifted to Wolverine, grasped him, and lifted them to the sky and at sonic speed flew them away a millisecond before the warehouse and all the surrounding vehicles and smaller buildings on the grounds exploded. From the position high above they both could see the crater that now replaced the facility.

 “Was that not overkill, Logan?” Ororo asked.

 “I needed ta make sure there was nothing that didn’t burn,” He answered.

 “Is there a way to be sure? I mean, what if there are filed stored elsewhere?”

 “There ain’t, Trask was a paranoid fucker,” Logan stated. “He knew what he had and knew he would be of most value if he made it so no one could ever get their hands on his work ta copy it. So, he never wrote anything down, kept it all in that big head of his, which I cut off,” She cut her eyes to him in slight horror over how callous he spoke of taking someone’s life, and as if he had read her mind he replied. “And don’t give me any shit about it, ‘Ro. That fucker deserved ta die and he died more humanely than all of our fallen friends during the Sentinel war.”

 “So, it is done?”

 “I don’t know,” Logan said around a sigh. “But I do know that that had ta’ve changed the future somehow, and in our favor,” He added. “C’mon darlin let’s go home.”

 “Do you think we should? I am sure those workers got a good look at us. They may report us to the authorities. I do not wish to bring trouble to the school.”

 “Doubt it, that was supposed to be a top-secret military facility, the shit they were doing in there won’t sanctioned by the US government, just by a few powerful and power-hungry politician assholes. They ain’t gonna want any real kind of investigation into what happened ‘cause it’ll expose them too. I’m sure they’ll play it up as a mutant attack. But those workers will all be taken out before they are able to say anything about anything,” He stated and Ororo looked horrorstruck. “Ya shoulda let them all blow up in that place ‘cause now it is very likely their families will be killed too,” She found her heart clinch at the idea of it, and as she carried them to where they had hidden their vehicle she shed quiet tears of remorse and regret for those families.

 **

Hours later, back at the School

**

 Logan and Ororo crept back into the mansion as quietly and easily as when they had left. The darkened corridors attested to the fact that they hadn’t been missed. Ororo had noticed that during the drive back that Logan had been reserved. He was never much of a talker after their missions but it wasn’t his quietness that had her worried. She just knew that he was heavy in thought and that was what worried her. When he had walked her up to her loft door, and before he could fully turn to leave, she spoke to him.

 “There is something you are not telling me, what is it?” She asked as he stood with his back to her. He only turned his head slightly to regard her.

 “I’m leav’in, ‘Ro, and I ain’t com’in back,” He announced and Ororo felt as if he had punched her in the gut. She felt a panic wash over her which left her feeling hot in the summer dress she had changed back into.

 “W…why? I do not understand,” She questioned as her mind reached for ideas that would make him change his mind.

 “’Cause, I don’t know for sure if what we did tonight will change anything.”

 “But as the Professor said, us knowing what took place in the future is in turn changing it.”

 “We were married on New Year’s right down there in the back gardens,” Logan spoke this as he turned to face her fully, yet his eyes didn’t lock on her but to the large window at the end of the only hallway next to her loft. “Man, you were so beautiful, ‘Ro, and I was on edge the whole time think’n at any minute God was gonna tell me it was all a joke and take you from me,” He said as he looked to her with a slight smile which she returned. “I still remember it all like it was yesterday, and you gave me this that day,” He pulled out the ring he kept on the chain around his neck. “And it’s still here. This is why I need ta leave.”

 “Because of me, the memories of the life you had with the other me?”

 “If I changed the future then why do I still remember everything just as it was? Shouldn’t I have no memory of it if things have really changed? Shouldn’t this be gone?” He asked and he clutch at the ring and she looked up at him stunned, fully understanding what he was getting at. “So, maybe I’ve come back to do things different personally. Choose a different path.”

 “A path where you don’t love me or marry me?” She replied as she nodded her bowed head. She found that she couldn’t look at him for fear tears would fall. She couldn’t explain why this news broke her heart as it did. She had only just learned of the life some future version of herself had shared with Logan. She had experienced none of that life but the thought of him leaving and her missing out on that possible life and love pained her greatly.

 “I love you, ‘Ro, and that’s fact. Nothing I can do ta change that.”

 “Then, why leave me?” She asked as she let some tears slip out and Logan cursed himself inwardly at the obvious hurt, he was causing her. “If you do not want to have any kind of romantic relationship with me as before then we can forget what I said earlier. We will remain just friends as we have always been,” She offered and he smiled sadly at her proposition.

 “I know that wouldn’t work,”

 “Why not?”

 “I won’t be able to just be your friend, not now. Not knowing that there’s a part of you that wants me too.”

 “I never thought I would see you run away scared from anything, Logan,” She said bitterly knowing it would rile him up. And she could tell by the hard glare he threw at her in that moment it had been mission accomplished. “We do not know for sure that even if you and I never became involved romantically there would be any change to that future you remember. But I do know that if that future were to still happen those Sentinels would not fair well against the RoLo Combo,” She said with such conviction Logan instantly forgot her earlier put down. He knew she was right she usually was. “But you go ahead, run away from me, from the X-men. See if I care,” She then turned to her door and reached for the knob. “You would not be the first to do so,” She said so low he was sure that she hadn’t really wanted him to hear her. As she opened the door and before she could fully cross the threshold, Logan had grasped her arm and yanked her back around to face him.

 “This could cause the end of the world, and I honestly don’t even care. But dontcha say I didn’t warn ya, that I didn’t try to end things before they got outta hand,” He spoke as he pulled her closer until the weight of her chest pressed intimately to his.

 “Logan, whatever will happen we will face it together as we have since we joined the X-Men. Now, shut up and just kiss me,” Ororo commanded and he curled his lips with a smile. And as Logan leaned in to kiss her, he thought that was something else about her that didn’t change in the future, she sure was a bossy lady.

 The End

[inactiive-shit]

Life As A Sanders

Chapter 12: Birds In Flight

((Previous))

LAAS Masterlist

Read on AO3

Warnings: None

Pairings: familial DLAMP, romantic Sleepxiety, primarily brother Analogical

Summary: It’s time for Virgil and Logan to find their own ways.

The Grand Finale. It’s Over, Y’all.

Words: 3,936

Age: 19, 23, & 13

Note: I am so sorry for the delay! The current state of the world just absolutely crushed my ability and will to write, so this is super fucking late. I hope 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil sat on his bed, staring at the walls he’d been decorating since he was ten years old and couldn’t draw nearly as well as he thought he could. He didn’t know how he was supposed to be able to sleep anywhere else. In a room where he didn’t know the location and cause of every chip in the paint, every dent in the wall, and every door that was made specifically for them, how would Virgil live?

In a room where he didn’t have his brother next door, just a knock away, how was Virgil supposed to exist?

He shoved an additional sketchbook into the ‘Staying’ pile and tried not to think about it.

Trying not to think about it. That had become an unnervingly common coping mechanism lately. He tried not to think about that, too.

He was not doing a very good job of either.

Currently, it is taking his whole concentration simply to focus enough into choosing what stays and what goes. Virgil, suddenly, had become aware that he also wanted to stay and while that could be the anxiety talking (or the insomnia, he hasn’t slept in days) it could also be that he genuinely rushed into this and didn’t really think about what he wanted, just what Logan was going to do regardless.

Did Virgil want college or was he chasing his brother? Did it matter?

This time it’s a book he threw into the ‘Staying’ pile. He glared at the expanding menagerie of his belongings and his life and then added a random paint brush to it. He didn’t know where it came from, where the rest of its set was. It was raggedy and broken and lost and should probably go in the trash, much like Virgil himself.

Well, he’s not raggedy, but he was a little broken and a lot lost and he didn’t just go in the trash, Virgil was the trash. He’s like the star of the whole damn show.

Virgil stopped that line of thinking by chucking an entire box of sharpies onto his bed and then watching in resignation as it bounced onto the floor and spilled its guts everywhere.

He crouched down on the floor and began to painstakingly recollect all the markers. His hands were shaking, annoying, and his heart was racing, rude, where was it even trying to go?, and he couldn’t seem to not think about the things he’d been trying to not think about for days. Why was his entire body turning against him like some sort of crappy hypnosis?

What if this was a mistake? What if he shouldn’t leave? What if something bad happened to Dad while he was gone? What if something bad happened to Logan if he didn’t go? Someone could die and-

Of course, it was ridiculous to think that he was the only thing standing between his family and utter ruin. Virgil knew that. But the thoughts in his head were like a vortex that had had enough of being contained. They pulled him into the spiral even though he knew it wasn’t rational, and Virgil, for the life of him, couldn’t seem to find a way to pull himself back out.

“V?” Dee asked, slipping into his room. He was holding what looked like a kite. Virgil didn’t know. He didn’t think he’d ever flown a kite. Nothing made any sense. Was he even breathing right?

“Yeah, kid?”

“Do you wanna come play? Ro said they’d come outside with us.”

“Uh,” Virgil said, and coughed.

“Are you sick? Dad won’t let you go outside if you’re sick.” Dee looked up at Virgil, worried, and stepped farther into the room. He put his hand—still so little and fragile—on Virgil’s forehead. “You don’t feel hot.”

“I’m not sick,” Virgil said. “I just feel kind of funky.”

“Oh,” Dee said. He paused. “Do you not want to come outside?”

“Maybe, uh, not-not today. Sorry.” Dee shrugged and took a small step back, still staring at Virgil. He turned to go, but hesitated.

“Is it your anxiety?” he asked quietly. Then, all in a rush, “You told me it can make you feel really bad and Dad said sometimes it helps to be around people. So that you’re not stuck.”

“I don’t know…” he started, but he felt like a huge piece of shit for turning Dee down already, and it could help, even if he was pretty sure it wouldn’t.

“You can come back inside if you want.” Dee straightened his back when Virgil didn’t respond right away. “We’re going outside. Come on.” He walked across the room and grabbed Virgil’s hand, dragging him along. The scattered box of sharpies lay on his floor, forgotten.

“Did you forcibly remove him from his room?” Ro asked, squinting at Virgil. Virgil was also squinting, trying to not cry from how bright the sun was compared to the lamps in his room.

“No,” Dee said, passing the kite to Ro. He didn’t say anything else, and Ro snorted.

“Whatever you say, little Prince,” they said and began to unwind the string of the kite.

Virgil’s hair, long as it was, flapped around his face in the wind and whipped into his eyes. He wrestled it back into a low ponytail to keep it out of the way, and then, when neither Ro nor Dee seemed to need his help immediately, he laid down in the grass and stared up at the sky, the warmth of the sun sinking into his skin. He hadn’t felt quite so comfortable in weeks.

~~~~~

Virgil woke up on the couch in the living room. Logan was sitting at the opposite end reading a book and twirling a coin over his fingers. He glanced up when Virgil shifted and blinked when he saw Virgil’s eyes were open.

“Finally awake?”

“Hhhuhg,” Virgil groaned, rolling to press his face into the pillow and not have to face the world.

“It’s two a.m.,” Logan informed him. “You slept from one o’clock this afternoon until now, and Remy texted you so much I had to put your phone on silent and text them to stop because you were sleeping. Dad made pasta for dinner but didn’t want to wake you up because none of us knew the last time you actually slept. There is a bowl in the microwave for you. Oh, and Dee said you were ‘anxiety-ing’ and needed to be around people.”

“Hhhuhg,” Virgil repeated. “Eh fiihhhn.”

“I am afraid I do not speak Neanderthal,” Logan said. “You will have to translate for me.”

“I am tired,” Virgil enunciated slowly, lifting his head off the pillow, “I am fine, I want sleep.”

“Well, seeing as that’s unlikely, why don’t we talk instead. Here, allow me to get you some food.” Logan placed the coin in his book and set it carefully on the couch cushion and then walked into the kitchen. The sound of the microwave working met Virgil’s ears, and then Logan returned with a bowl and a fork. “Eat,” he said. Virgil took the bowl and sat up.

“You have to put the food in your mouth to eat it,” Logan said, picking his book back up. But instead of opening it, he put it on the table and pulled his legs onto the couch and faced Virgil.

“What?” Virgil muttered, eyes drooping shut. Logan cleared his throat and Virgil sighed, forcing  himself to look up.

“You are experiencing anxiety heightened from its usual state?” he asked. Virgil shrugged. “Virgil, please answer the question. It is important to me and also the rest of our family that we know when you are not doing well and can do everything possible to help you.”

“Yeah, there’s more anxiety,” Virgil admitted. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m fine.”

It was a half-truth, and they both knew it. Virgil didn’t know what he was doing, but he definitely wasn’t handling it. He was only struggling. But he didn’t know what to do about that.

“Do you know what’s causing it?” Logan asked.

Virgil knew if he outright lied to Logan, he’d know immediately. He also knew that he couldn’t bring up the real cause of his anxiety because Logan might feel responsible or tell Dad or change his plans on account of Virgil being an over-thinking and under-thinking dumbass at the same time.

“How are you and Nate doing?” he asked, deciding that totally changing the subject was the only logical course of action.

“We’re doing very good. You’re avoiding my question.”

“Maybe I just don’t want to think about it, Logan,” Virgil snapped. “Did you ever think of that?”

“Mhm,” Logan said. “Because not thinking about something has never backfired and made a situation worse before.”

“You can be a real asshole, you know that?” Virgil said. He glared at Logan, but very quickly lost the energy to stay mad and rested his elbows on his knees, bowing his head. His hair, slowly escaping from it’s prison, tickled his face and neck.

“Sometimes brutal honesty is a necessary evil. You know that as well as I do. You should not let whatever is bothering you fester like an infection that went untreated. Tell me what is wrong so that we can work on fixing it.”

“I-” Virgil started, angry, and then he hesitated. “I don’t-I don’t know.”

“You do not know what is causing you distress?” Logan asked, gentler now.

“No,” Virgil breathed. Because he knew very well where the problem lay.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what I-what I, what I, uh, want. I don’t know what I as me wants to do. Not I as us, not I as our family. I as me, just as me. I don’t know, L. I don’t know what to do.” There were tears in Virgil’s eyes and he was so tired he couldn’t even be bothered to care that he was about to start crying.

“V,” Logan said softly, and he put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder blade. “That’s okay. You don’t have to know.”

“Yeah, but-but we’re going to leave for, for the, uh-”

“College.”

“-that in a week. College is starting, and we paid to get in and we’re both going, but what if something bad happens to them,” Virgil jerked his head toward the bedrooms, “while we’re gone? What if I don’t go and something happens to you? What if-what if I do go and end up thousands of dollars in debt and hate every second of it and regret the next four years of my life? What then, Logan? What do I do then? I don’t know what to do. I don’t like school, but this made sense but now I don’t-I don’t-”

“Take a deep breath,” Logan instructed, demonstrating himself. He led Virgil through all his breathing exercises and naming things he could see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. By the end, though still shaking, Virgil felt marginally better.

“Sorry,” he said.

“There is nothing to be sorry for,” Logan said immediately. “This is big and it is important to think through everything before you make a decision.” He leaned back on the couch, observing Virgil from a slight distance. “You do not have to go to college.”

“But-”

“No ifs, ands, or buts about it,” he said. “You do not have to go to college. If you do not want to, you do not have to. Even if you are only unsure about if you want to, you do not have to. You can, if you like, go for a week and if you end up hating it, leave. There is nothing binding you to it, Virgil. And if, in a few years, or maybe in ten or twenty, you decide you want to try college, you can. This is not an irreversible decision.” He came closer again, leaning his side into Virgil’s. “You do not need to be worried about me. I will be fine. You do not need to worry about Dad, either. He has fended for himself for decades before we butted in with our two cents. Ro has been mostly taking care of themself for years and is about to get an apartment of their own. Dee still has Dad looking out for him. Everyone is taken care of, Virgil. You do not need to worry about if they will be okay if you leave, or if they will approve of your decision. They love you. They will keep loving you. You need to make this decision for yourself. Not for us.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Virgil said, voice small. “I don’t know if I can exist without you, or my-my shitty art on the walls, and Dee bursting into my room whenever he wants, and Ro being so fucking obnoxious all the time with their singing, and Dad trying to sell us on syrup being a drink. I don’t know how to, how to-stop being part of, of-” Virgil waved a hand, aggravated.

“A family?” Logan suggested.

“Yeah,” Virgil said, “that.”

“So you want to go off by yourself?” he asked.

“What?! No, when did I-?” But Virgil stopped himself because somehow, now that he was thinking about it, he realized it was true. He wanted to go out and see things. He wanted to travel. He wanted to know what the world was. And he wanted to know for himself.

“The good news is,” Logan said, “you don’t have to learn to not be part of a family. You will never stop being part of this family, no matter what you do. You will never have to learn to function without us entirely. We are all a phone call away at most.” He smiled at Virgil. “The other good news is, there is no reason you cannot go off as just you, by yourself, and see what the world has to offer. There is nothing stopping you.”

“Money,” Virgil said.

“You have been saving all your holiday and birthday money for years. And Dad said that if any of us decided not to go to college, he’d give us half of our college fund and put the rest toward a vacation.”

“Transportation.”

“Ro just got a new car because they didn’t like the one they had. I am sure they would not mind allowing you to have it.”

“I don’t know how anything in the world works.”

“Then go out and learn it,” Logan said, like it was really just that easy. “Most people, I have found, do not know what they are doing, Virgil. Dad doesn’t. Ro certainly doesn’t. None of our friends do, and you saw how often our teachers would make up lesson plans as they were teaching. I think a part of being human is not knowing what is going on.”

“What about you?”

“I have a short term plan.” Logan shrugged. “I want to be a chemical engineer, so I will go to college for my degree. But I will have to figure out where my classes are, what kinds of teachers I have, what to do with myself when I am bored without my siblings around to annoy me, how to live with a roommate I have never met before, how to remember to do my laundry and take showers without constantly being reminded, how to keep in contact with Nate without getting to see him in person for weeks at a time. It is a learning curve. You are not the only one learning.”

“What if Remy and I can’t do that whole long distance thing?” he said, but it was a weak rebuttal. Virgil was searching for excuses, and Logan knew it. Even if the thought of leaving Remy behind hurt more than he would like to admit. Unlike the rest of his family, Virgil couldn’t just hope Remy would wait for him to come back.

“You will figure it out.” Logan paused. “Remy is not going to college, either. It is entirely possible they may desire to join you.”

“That’s insane,” Virgil said. “Who would just up and do something like that?”

“You would,” Logan said. “And you will not know for sure what they will say unless you ask them.”

“Huh,” Virgil said. He hesitated. “Are you sure? That this won’t come back to bite me in the ass?”

“I have no idea,” Logan said. “You may regret it. But this is what you want to do now, and if ever you change your mind, you can come back home. You can try something else. You have an entire life ahead of you to try things. I would not worry too much about it.”

“Why do you know so much?” Virgil groused, but it wasn’t a real complaint. He felt relieved and relaxed and kind of stupid now that everything had been so clearly laid out for him.

“You’re just jealous,” Logan said, and he grinned brightly at Virgil before yawning.

“Alright, you need to go to bed. When’s the last time you stayed up until three in the morning?” Virgil asked, grabbing Logan’s elbow to pull them both up.

“Didn’t want you to be out here by yourself,” Logan mumbled. He rubbed his eyes and almost knocked his glasses onto the floor.

“The speed you fall asleep is amazing,” Vigil said, more to himself than to Logan, as he guided him up the stairs and into his own room. Logan was completely out before his head hit the pillow.

~~~~~

One Week Later

Virgil threw his last bag into the trunk and slammed it shut. Remy leaned against the side of the car, watching the sky. They turned to Virgil and grinned.

“Excited?”

“Something like that,” Virgil said, leaning in and kissing Remy quickly. “Just gotta say goodbye.”

“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” they said. “But I’ll let you handle that on your own.” They slid into the passenger seat and pulled out their phone. Virgil took a deep breath and walked up the driveway.

“Are you sure you have all of your things?” Logan asked, hands fluttering through the air like nervous hummingbirds. Virgil nodded.

“Do you?”

“Yes, though I fear that Dee or Dad may start hiding them in the house to prevent me from leaving.”

“They’re driving you down,” Virgil said. “I think you should probably be more worried about them bringing some of it back here so that you have to come back to get it.”

“Oh god, don’t say that. You’ll speak it into existence.” Logan groaned, collapsing against Virgil. He snorted and shoved Logan away, heading into the house. Logan followed him.

They found Dad, Roman, and Dee in the kitchen, making something. Virgil and Logan had not been allowed in the kitchen for the last few days. It made Virgil nostalgic and they hadn’t even left yet.

They’d been preparing for this for a week. After Virgil’s late night realization about what he wanted to do, he had told everyone else. Plans had changed, and nobody was mad, and now Logan and Virgil would be leaving the house at the same time but with different destinations.

Logan was bound for a college in the next state over whereas Virgil and Remy were going to begin their cross-country roadtrip heading West, toward California. They had money and food and not a clue what they were doing.

Virgil had almost never been so excited in his life.

Dad squealed when he saw them and rushed over, grabbing them up in a giant hug. He’d been giving even more hugs lately, as though they were going to leave forever. Virgil couldn’t particularly bring himself to care.

“My boys!” he cried. “Leaving! We better hurry and get everything packed up!” They quickly gathered up all of the food they had baked and then, with what looked like enough pastries to feed an army, the three marched out the door. Virgil shared an exasperated look with Logan as they followed.

Virgil and Logan watched as their Dad and brothers split all the food in half between the two cars and carefully stacked it in the backseats.

“They act like we’re never coming back,” Virgil said.

“We are the first to leave home.” Logan shrugged. “And Dad has more love than he knows what to do with. They’ll miss us.”

“I think they can handle it,” Virgil said.

Dad was teary-eyed and sniffling when he came back over to them.

“Everything’s all packed up,” he said. “So I guess we’re ready to go our separate ways. I’m quite fondue you two, so you better make time to visit, alright?” Virgil laughed and they both nodded.

“I’ll come back so often you’ll get tired of seeing me,” Virgil promised. “And we’ll facetime.”

“You better. And no getting into truffle while you’re off adventuring.” He hugged Virgil so tightly he couldn’t breathe and after a long, long time, pulled back. “Be safe, kiddo.”

“I will,” Virgil said. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Virge.”

Dad moved back to let Ro and Dee tackle him in a hug. Virgil laughed, squeezing them both.

“You have to get me rocks from everywhere you go,” Dee told him.

“And Dad and I want pictures of everything,” Roman said.

“Can do.” Roman reached over and ruffled his hair. Virgil swatted his hand away, glaring.

“Calm down, Panic! at the Disco. I won’t get to do it again for forever, I gotta make up for it now.”

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Love you guys.” They echoed the sentiment and, if Virgil didn’t know better, he’d say there were tears in Ro’s eyes.

“Well, we better get going. Don’t want to be late or anything.” Roman rolled his eyes and walked back to the car. Virgil looked at Logan.

“This is totally weird,” they said together. They both smiled.

“If you need anything, call me. I’ll be there in a day, tops,” Virgil said.

“Likewise. And should you happen to find yourself bored and in want of company, my dorm is always open.”

“Love you, L.”

“Love you, V.”

Virgil hugged Logan, long and hard. There were tears in Logan’s eyes when they pulled away.

“Keep that up and you’ll be just as bad as Dad,” Virgil teased. Logan snorted and swiped a hand over his eyes.

“No driving while you’re sleep deprived.”

“No promises,” Virgil said. Logan shook his head. “Oh, and I need you to do something for me.” Virgil dug a cadbury egg out of his pocket and handed it to Logan. “When it’s time for Dad to head back home, give this to him and tell him that he can’t cadbury his head in the sand, we’re coming back.”

“You are hopeless.”

“Nah, I’m a genius.”

“Perhaps you are. You better have some interesting facts to tell me when you come back.”

“Obviously,” Virgil said. And then he went to his car and got in. He watched in the mirror until Dad’s car was out of sight and then turned his key in the ignition.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Babes, do you even have to ask?” Remy said, pulling down their sunglasses. “I’ve always wanted to go on an adventure.”

“Adventure,” Virgil said. “I like that. We’re adventurers, braving the West.”

“Let’s do this. I have all the sunglasses I need and your Dad loaded us up with enough food to last us a year. We’re set.”

“Let’s do it,” Virgil muttered, and when he pulled out of the driveway, he had no idea where they were going. But he was excited to see what they would encounter along the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @supersoftsupersleep @trashcanego

[dragonastra]

1-100 on the DnD questions, for Deah >:3

Wow you're sure as hell fishing to kill me huh xD

I'll answer these under a read more cuz FUCK. I'll also try to keep it spoiler free -- I may mention stuff that hasn't come up in game but it would be stuff that might not ever come up explicitly anyway. Everything else has either been said or can be gleaned.

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead Probably what she had been doing -- being a pirate

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life Probably Maddie and/or Gael. Maddie is a divine soul sorcerer and probably the one Deah is closest to. Gael is our barbarian/paladin who is probably the emotional backbone of the group? He is very earnest and genuine, and also hits like a brick house.

What are your character’s core moral beliefs? [Brushes off notes I made like a year ago] Promises must be kept, and debts one day fulfilled. Clean up the messes you made. Family is more important than self. Survival means not letting the past define you. (Not all morals but those are her ideals)

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings? She has a twin brother, whom she would die for. Their relationship used to be solid, but theyve currently broken apart somewhat due to lies and building tension, and the brother needing to go his own way. She is still very broken up about it. Her parents are both dead, and she has not spoken of much closeness there, but describes them as "they tried their best." Her pirate captain was basically a surrogate father for her teenage years and onward until their separation, and she... misses him.

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races? Not really. She probably doesnt trust ratfolk based on where she grew up, but beyond that? If you're good, you're good.

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority? (: fuck em. She is... shall we say... less inclined to help rich people.

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc. She's grown out her undercut so she has an asymmetrical style, one side of her head buzzed. She is still wearing her bright red pirate coat, but now wears a dark brown vest with purple accents underneath, as well as a long black sleeve to cover magical scars she received when she accepted a warlock pact with the hunter god. Also covering her scars is a gauntlet made by Maddie, so that they can't be detected by Detect Good and Evil and such.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most? Sometimes she still thinks about that nap she had on the beach at a random island they had stopped at to restock on food.

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? As i mentioned, she has a pact with the hunter god, Erastil. She does not worship him. In fact, she rather doesnt like gods much. She doesnt really understand other worshippers, but if they're not hurting anyone with it she doesn't really care. Their worship doesnt affect her.

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be? Let's get this binch some navigator's tools finally!

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. We are entirely online so we don't really have table seating. Based on the order of our nicknames in discord though, that would be... Haru, our new kitsune Oracle who joined us to fill a gap while some other players went on hiatus. Deah is uncertain about him, and she is generally pretty wary about strangers in her party, but he is useful. Their relationship is not deep by any means tbh.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? Stop the lord of the sea, and stop Aleksander.

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.? ;) you'll have to ask her

Has your character ever been in love? Before the campaign, certainly not. She's hella ace, and doesn't open up easily, so she's got some confusing feelings right now for Maddie ;)

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character The battle against Tokt, since this was the battle that she was able to help save a person from being possessed by a demon -- something she figured out beforehand and convinced her team about.

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? I mean... probably a fighter???? Or maybe a full warlock, if she was desperate enough.

What is your character’s favorite season? Probably the fall? Sailing is usually good during that time, plus the harvest is coming in on land, so there's a lot of fresh food.

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology? She would be an Aries based on her birthday! Our homebrew world just uses "Season Day" as time markers, with 90 days each season. She was born on Spring 12, which would translate to the first week of April.

Where in the world does your character most want to visit? She's been all over as an adventurer and a sailor. The place she'd like to visit the most is one she doesn't know about -- somewhere important to her old captain.

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made? Deah would maybe even say joining the pirates. It was the happiest she'd ever been, but it led her brother to a path he regrets and feels pain over, and she feels a... bit guilty about that.

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories? The only scars she has are from her pact to Erastil. She hides them, though. She's not ashamed of them, but she likes to keep them to herself... she's private like that.

What animal best represents your character? I always liken her to a hawk, especially a sea hawk. In some ways she’s like a cobra or a porcupine too -- kind of hard to get close to!

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? 😬

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? I don't know about most in common, really, but she gets along easiest with Ro, our halfling. Their banter is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻. Honestly though? She probably has the most in common with Mercy, our tiefling fighter/paladin.

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made? She probably regrets the party not staying behind in a certain town after a powerful enemy escaped. They thought the immediate threat had been dealt with and that another team from their guild could keep watch over the town, but then that team got surprised by an undead and two of them died. She feels at least partially responsible for that.

What would your character say their best trait would be? Her ability to perceive and track things. She has the observant feat plus the invocation that lets her see through even magical darkness!

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Being abandoned.

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party? No where else to go, really. Like, sure, she likes at least most of them and they've been through a lot!!! And she DOES you know, feel like this is a stable job, and she does feel good helping people. But... she really does have no where else to go. :(

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class? She does enjoy reading, though she's a little slow. Her favorite books are detective/mystery novels! She also sometimes likes to practice magic tricks (like... sleight of hand stuff). And technically this isnt outside of her class, but she really does enjoy training. Let's her burn off steam.

What would most people think when they first see your character? Pretty little waif, but that resting bitch face looks like she will cut me of I even say hello (this is by design).

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) [Googles five man band] probably Lancer. Initially she wanted to be the Leader type but with the group dynamics and her own insecurities and issues, that isnt really truly possible for her. But she still tries to lead...

What is your character the most insecure about? :)

What person does your character admire most? Her old ship captain. Her DEAD ship captain :(

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left? She admires maddie's strength and kindness (and to a degree, innocence). Maddie's cooking skills. Maddie's family. She dislikes how nervous/anxious and possibly depressed Maddie can get :c

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? Her lowest stat is strength, and her second lowest is constitution. This is because she grew up poor, and was at times starving and definitely malnourished. Once she was om the pirate ship, she was regularly fed though.

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music? I've been saying if she was in modern time, her favorite band would be Florence and the Machine. There's just something about the Florence sound that speaks to her. She'd definitely be into that kind of music, plus some heavier stuff leaning more towards metal or symphonic metal...

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.) She's got the soul of a goth but the hobbies of a jock (in our team's college AU she's totally on the fencing and sailing teams). When I've drawn her in modern day she is usually wearing athleisure (capris leggings, loose tank top, sports bra, e.g.) but also it's mostly dark colors. She's Joth.

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them? Toby :) just kidding, the pseudodragon isn't an item!!! Specifically collected during the adventure, probably her force blade. Her brother had found it, but had given it to her, near the beginning of the adventure.

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find? She's not really looking out for items, no.

Where does your character feel the most at home? On the beach, on the ship. Specific locations to call home, she does finally feel like she has a stable place to call home in the patty's estate.

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people? She's worn disguises and fake names before, but that's mostly to protect herself during her pirate years. She doesn't care a whole lot, but she does want to appear somewhat intimidating so that unsavoury people won't approach her LMAO. But she also wants to be seen as nice by children and poor folk, so she does soften a bit when they're around.

What does your character think is the true meaning of life? Happiness. Safety. Survival. Family/community.

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.) She's always got a slight scent of salt on her, reminding you just a bit of the sea. For herself, she prefers to just smell... clean, so there's a fresher floral scent lingering...

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? She tries to think more with her brain but sometimes the bottled up emotions get to be a bit much.

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare? BEING. ABANDONED.

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.) She hates (most) rich people and used to be a pirate, so you can kind of figure it out.

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends? :(

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?) I dunno man she is just taking things one step at a time.

What colors are associated with your character? Red is her primary color. She also uses blacks/dark grays and a light purple as an accent. She's using more brown now tho to represent her connection to the hunter god.

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances? Maddie always. Then Ro. Then Gael. Haru would probably be up there because he is squishy and also mostly blind.

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos? A mix of pathos and logos is most effective on Deah. Logos probably most of all, but there are pathos buttons that hold away above all that... if you know which buttons to press.

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for? Currently? To bring back her pirate captain. She knows its selfish but...

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.? Her favorite spell is stab with rapier.

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party? She keeps secrets pretty regularly! Basically if the party needs to know, then the secret should be shared. But if it doesnt really affect the group or something important, and the person doesnt want to share, then go ahead and keep the secret.

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by? Dragons probably, at this point. Definitely an influence by me the player, haha, but it's buoyed by an early meeting with a particular dragon that sparked her interest.

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she didnt have life plans as a kid. She just wanted her and her brother to live.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond? That's already happened LMAO. Deah didnt know how to react so her brain blur screened and she ran away from the situation for a bit.

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with? If it only involved herself, Deah would probably go do it. But if it was a huge net loss for the group, she wouldn't, if that makes sense? It's hard to make sweeping statements like that.

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s? She values her own interest for sure, but she would prioritize the party's if one meant dunking on the other. She knows what it's like to sail with a tight knit crew; sometimes you sacrifice to make the group as a whole better/happier.

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Oh gosh, uh.... I mean, if they decide to help her enemies (not likely to happen, there are a couple shared ones). If they don't let her do something she REALLY wants... I can't really think of anything specific.

How does your character imagine the way they will die? Tragically. 

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Taming her pseudodragon ;w;

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal? Hmm... not to a certain degree. Eh, probably not. She only really wants to risk herself, not others. Risking others doesn't give them the choice.

What is your character’s opinion on killing others? She does it all the time!! But if they're defenseless or not fighting back, she won't.

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage? She really loves fresh baked bread!! As for beverage, uh.... I guess she'd like water with like, something fruity mixed in???

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know? To the poor and to kids? Very. Also, recently, she gave all of the money she got from a quest to a townsperson to help them rebuild their city a bit (secretly of course. Not even her team knows she did that, though maybe some of them suspect hahaha)

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party? Once again... probably most envious of Maddie!! She comes up a lot doesn't she ;P

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe? Maddie vs Haru? Shed probably lean towards Maddie :p

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex? I've described Deah as Panromantic Asexual. She is rather sex averse and has difficulty pinpointing romantic feelings as well, being rather prickly at times.

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve? When people try to dig into something she doesn't want to share at the moment.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc. The current objective/situation involves her backstory, so you'll see soon ;)

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Maddie of course! She trusts Gael, but not with secrets. Similarly, she trusts Mercy to hold an oath to the best of her ability, but not if a secret comes up -- same with Rudi. Ro does what she wants LMAO and she isnt telling Haru anything personal atm.

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life? I dont want to think about that question and neither does Deah

What makes your character feel safe? Having her weapons. Having her pact/her pact scars.

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be? Nah, she likes Fortune's Blades

What memory does your character want to forget the most? Cal leaving. It's probably her most painful memory.

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? She's already multi classed and her reasons for becoming a warlock are kind of muddied. She explained them initially but maaaaybe wasn't 100% truthful. If she had to pick a third, probably uh.... fighter?????

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?) I would HOPE she would be friends with Elizabeth Swan (: but idk lol

What unusual talents does your character possess? Sharp senses and magic tricks.

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower? It's rather situational. She tries to be a leader type, but she also realizes she's not at the top of the leader chain (and, with her party, at times different people take the head, so it's almost more consult-y like).

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?) The player of Cal, her brother, chose his name first from a generator. I like to construct my names sometimes from different name elements, so I made hers to match the sound of her twin's (that is, make it sound like it came from the same language). Her name is constructed of "Feld-" (field) and "-Deah" (dye) so her first name translates roughly to "field of dye." Her original last name is Shearwater, which is a real life sea bird but also follows the traditional elven naming convention (their dad was an elf). She never felt much of an attachment to her last name. She recently changed her last name to Blackheart, which was the moniker of her captain.

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert? Introvert for sure

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all? She would go as far as she needs to, but would never force others to make that same decision.

What does your character want to be remembered by? At one point she thought she would eventually be a famous pirate captain. But mostly I think she just wants to be remembered by those who love her and by those she helped...

What would be your character’s major in college? Fuck, uh... I had discussed this before.... I think I made her pre-law??? Math major???

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else? Something else. She doesn't really care about that, she's just Being.

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I believe last it was discussed I had picked the Chariot for her.

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years? If not dead from adventuring, then settled somewhere nice, hopefully...

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it? For a long time she was the Sokka of the group, the only non-magic user. Then she got her pact. She's still kind of awkward about it, and at times really doesn't like magic, but she sees it as a tool. A means to an end.

Who is your character’s biggest rival? Rival?????? I guess Morrigan tbh??? Cuz a rival isn't an enemy, and she had a thing going with Morrigan (her player is on hiatus tho). In some ways she rivals Mercy too. A dance of similarities and differences.

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure? Fine, beautiful dresses. She doesn't own any, because it's a waste of money, but.... she wants them. Secretly.

What does your character hope for the afterlife? Peace and rest.

Who in the party does your character trust the least? Haru, currently, simply by virtue of being new.

What is your character’s biggest flaw? BIGGEST flaw???? Uhhhmmm..... Her secrecy probably. Her tendency to run away from really big, painful problems, to bottle up her emotions around that until everything just gets worse.

How did your character learn the languages that they speak? Common, prucrician and Elvish she learned just growing up. Deep, she just... mysteriously knows. Doesn't know why she can speak it. Draconic she learned at first from Rudi, and then from a dragonborn NPC to finish her lessons during a timeskip.

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry? Rapier

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Why must she choose? Wealth, because that brings health and happiness in her eyes. (Because money buys food and when you have food.....)

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves? I know it's hard, but open up more. You don't have to keep it to yourself to protect others. Your brother can be your friend as well... you don't have to just keep holding yourself back for your friends and family.

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about? She doesn't feel super strongly about politics, having been a pirate. She feels strongly about protecting children and poor though, as I've mentioned.

What, currently, is your character the most curious about? The afterlife. Erastil, but specifically just that one god. Her ship captain.

[sign-from-god-complex]

Understanding Pride

Summary: Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight, but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Or, Logan learns something new about himself.

Pairing: Queerplatonic analogical, background royality

Warnings: Internalised aphobia (questionably), description of a panic attack, brief mention of dissociation.

A/N: An anon asked for queerplatonic lamp—which I will hopefully get around to writing soon cause that’s definitely the Good Shit—but hopefully this will tide you over until then! Also despite having an anxiety disorder, I’ve never had a panic attack before, so hopefully my description isn’t terrible (feel free to let me know if it is though).

AO3 Link

Logan came home to the dorm room that afternoon to complete chaos. There were poster boards lying on every single flat surface he could see, coloured card all over the floor and glitter seemed to be stuck to every bit of it all, and in the middle of this mess was his roommate and his two best friends.

Logan had been living with Roman for several months now, so he was used to coming home to find the dorm in various states of disarray—papers and props scattered across the desk or the entirety of Roman’s wardrobe taking residence on both of the beds—however, this was definitely a new one.

Patton had perked up at the sound of the door opening and had immediately started to bound his way over to Logan, almost slipping on card in the process.

"Logan! You're home!" Patton squealed, pulling Logan into a very glittery hug that he didn't return, "Great! Now you can help us!"

Pulling away from Patton's hug, Logan looked him up and down. Patton was wearing a shirt he'd likely designed himself, considering the myriad of what he felt in his bones must be puns covering it, a short, fluffy skirt and had a flag of some kind wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. Although Patton's usual attire was certainly... eccentric, this was even more so than that.

A quick glance at the room's other two occupants revealed that they were also wearing slightly unusual clothing. Roman was wearing a self-designed shirt similar to Patton's, though slightly more simple and organised, grey sweatpants and a different coloured flag wrapped around his shoulders; Virgil was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the words, "I'm too ace for this" on it, paired with a yellow beanie and a purple knee-length skirt.

Quite honestly, the fact that Virgil was wearing colour was perhaps the most alarming part of the situation.

"Help you with what?" he finally asked, having given up trying to guess what in the world they were doing.

Patton giggled. "With making stuff for Pride tomorrow, silly!"

He tugged Logan's hand until they were seated opposite the other two, a big poster board in between them with "I'm punsexual" written on it and subsequently also covered in glitter. He hated to admit it, but Logan was completely and utterly lost.

He squinted slightly. "Pride?"

The three of them stared at him in shock.

"Yeah, Logan..." Roman replied, tone indicating that Logan had missed something fairly obvious and important. He hated that tone. "Pride. You know? Happens once a year? All us gays get together and throw a big party-"

Patton cut in, "-And remember all the struggles it took us to get to this point-"

"-And spend far too much money on gay merch, cause capitalism," Virgil finished.

They all looked at him searchingly. Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight—I mean, Roman and Patton were dating, so clearly they couldn't be straight—but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Logan had grown up in a fairly conservative town, and though he wouldn't say they were necessarily against people being gay, he certainly wouldn't have imagined anyone would feel safe enough to come out if they were. So, all in all, his upbringing was pretty straight (in more ways than one).

He cleared his throat. "Right, yes, well that does sound... vaguely familiar I suppose," he lied, "What would you want me to-"

"Logan?" Patton interrupted. He was looking at Logan with confused yet amused interest. It was a very uncharacteristic look for Patton, and it made Logan feel slightly uncomfortable. "Are you straight?"

The question caught Logan off guard and he answered before he could really think it through.

"I mean... yes?"

Patton screwed up his face slightly. "You don't sound sure."

That's ridiculous, of course he was sure. Wasn't he? Really, growing up the way he did, he never thought there was any kind of other option, and by the time he’d realised there was, he was already sure enough that he was straight that he didn't consider it. And anyway, he didn't like boys like that. He didn't really like girls like that either, but that was neither here nor there. He just hadn't found the right one yet, he was sure.

"I suppose I never really thought about it," he replied slowly, "I just kind of... assumed I was."

The other three exchanged looks. There seemed to be some sort of silent conversation going on between them that Logan couldn't quite understand. He was about to ask them to just talk to him already when Virgil turned to look at him.

"So how do you feel about boys?"

Logan blinked. "Uh, boys are... fine, I suppose."

"How do you feel about girls?"

Virgil was leaning towards him, the look on his face slightly more intense than Logan would have preferred. His brain felt like it was running 100 miles a minute and yet it wasn't going anywhere at all, stuck in a loop of quick-fire questions and feelings he didn't understand. This conversation was overwhelming at best and quite honestly, he wished they weren't having it.

"They're also fine, look-"

"Okay, but 'fine' like, 'oooh, damn, you're looking fine' or 'fine' as in the waiter just gave you Pepsi instead of Coke and you're trying to be polite?"

Logan stared at Roman, trying to comprehend the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"I- um," Logan stuttered, "The... uhh-"

Logan quite honestly felt ready to defenestrate himself to escape this conversation, and Patton clearly decided to take pity on him, as he turned to Logan and put a hand lightly on his upper arm. Though Logan wasn’t normally one to appreciate physical contact, Patton's hand was at least giving him something to focus on besides his swirling thoughts.

"Logan, you like researching stuff, right?" Patton asked, smiling softly, "Learning new things?"

Logan nodded, confident in an answer for the first time since this conversation began.

"Okay, so how about instead of bombarding you with questions—" Patton sent a semi-stern glare at the other two, who had the decency to look a little bit sheepish—"We give you a list of some terms and stuff and you can look it up yourself, yeah?"

Logan exhaled, letting out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. "I think that would be preferable, Patton, yes."

He stood up quickly, attempting to brush away the glitter that had stuck to every inch of his jeans the moment he sat down, before turning to grab his bag from by the door where he’d dropped it. He needed some space to think. As much as he appreciated his friends’ company, their emotions could certainly be… overpowering at times, and he needed a bit of distance from that.

“I’m going to the library,” he said, addressing his friends, their faces displaying their disappointment, “I have a paper I need to finish.”

That was a lie, of course. He’d finished all his coursework for the next 2 weeks and they all probably knew that, having been subjected to his insistent studying habits for the past couple of months. Roman especially—a surprisingly light sleeper, he’d been woken up several times by Logan muttering something or other about how bullshit magnetic fields were or how the reclassification of Pluto was one of the biggest mistakes of the scientific community (that one actually wasn’t class-related, Logan just had strong feelings about Pluto). To their credit though, none of them called him out on it, just nodding their heads and wishing him good luck with his study.

Just before pulling the door closed behind him, Logan turned around and said, “Text me that list. I’m sure I can make some time to check things out.”

He barely caught the wide grins of his friends before he shut the door and started his way over to the library.

//////////////////

Logan fell into a seat at his usual table, taking off his glasses for a moment before rubbing his hand over his face, sighing.

He liked the library. Libraries were one of the few places left in the world where you could truly just exist without anything being expected of you. You didn’t have to pay to stay, you weren’t forced into unwanted conversation, you could read or work or simply breathe without having to worry about being yelled at or infringing upon anybody else. Truly, it was one of the best places you could be.

Plus, it was quiet—a fact that Logan normally appreciated, but right now was proving to be more of a hindrance, as quite honestly, he was on the verge of screaming.

Self-reflection was not Logan’s style. He preferred not having to think too hard about his preferences, generally they proved to be less than important anyway and the effort that it took to try and untangle his emotions really wasn’t worth the payout. Clearly, though, this was something he’d been putting off for a long time, even if he hadn’t necessarily realised he had been. It was about time he thought about it.

Patton’s text had come through sometime on Logan’s walk over, so he grabbed out his phone to take a look.

Patton: Here’s the list, Lo! We added our own labels in there as a little coming out to you, since we realised we never did it officially!! 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Sexuality stuff:

LGBTQIA+

Gay/Lesbian — you probably already know this one, but just in case :) (gay is also what Ro goes by! just cause it’s easier ~ Patton)

Bisexual/pansexual (this one’s mine!! I prefer pansexual over bisexual!!! ~ Patton)

Asexual (me ~ V)

(you should also look into the difference between a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation ~ V)

(oh and asexuality is a spectrum, so probably look into some of the other a-spec identities too, demisexuality, gray-asexuality, etc. ~ V)

(and probably look into sex repulsion too and all that. there’s a lot to this, sry. ~ V)

Aromantic (all the previous stuff applies to this too, aromanticism is a spectrum, romance-repulsion, all that ~ V)

Gender stuff:

Binary transgender (which I am! ~ Roman)

Cisgender

Nonbinary (which me and Virgil are!! ~ Patton) and gender neutral/nontraditional pronouns

(there are more specific nonbinary identities though ~ V)

Agender

Genderqueer

Genderfluid (Patton. she mostly uses he/him or she/her pronouns, depending on the day. me and Roman usually feel it out, or if we’re unsure, just ask. ~ V)

Bigender

Pangender

Demiboy/girl (me. usually he/him is fine. ill let you know when it’s not. ~ V)

We know this is a lot, so if you have any questions, we’re here!!!

Logan read through the list a couple of times, before pulling out his laptop and opening up google. This was going to take a while.

He started out with ‘gay/lesbian’. He was already fairly certain he knew what it meant, however, he figured going in sequential order would result in the least amount of confusion from skipping over things he should have known. He found a website fairly quickly which outlined the definitions of gay/lesbian and bisexual, even including a description of transgender and gender identity. He glared slightly at an unfamiliar word, before shooting a text over to Roman.

Logan: Roman, do you identify with the words, ‘transsexual’ or ‘transvestite’?

He continued reading through the website as he waited for a reply. It was only a couple of minutes before his phone buzzed on the table next to him.

Roman: uhh, no 😂 those terms are all pretty outdated. there might be some trans people who still use the word transsexual, but transvestite is generally seen as a,,, negative term. at least, if someone called me a transvestite I wouldn’t take it in a positive way.

Logan frowned before closing his tab. Clearly, the website wasn’t up to date.

In his search to find a description of pansexuality, Logan stumbled on another website with a list of terms, this one seeming considerably more reliable. He skimmed over the definition of pansexuality, getting a general grip on the term before he decided to text Patton.

Logan: Patton, why do you prefer the label pansexual over bisexual? I am to understand they are largely the same thing.

Patton: They are!! Really, it’s a matter of just what you /like/ to use more than anything I think! Some people say bisexuality is transphobic, cause it doesn’t clearly include nonbinary genders in its definition, but I don’t think that's fair! I have tons of bisexual, nonbinary friends! Well, okay, I have two, but still!!!

Logan nodded to himself absentmindedly. He’d heard of homophobia, so he assumed transphobia was a similar concept, but against transgender, or trans, people as opposed to gay ones. He’d yet to reach a definition of nonbinary but based on context clues he could take a guess at what it meant.

Another text came through from Patton.

Patton: Plus, there’s way more fun puns with pun-sexuality 😜

Logan put his phone away.

After finishing reading the pansexuality description, he opened up the tab of definitions and scrolled through, quickly coming upon asexuality, the next on the list.

“Asexual: A person who generally does not feel sexual attraction or desire to any group of people. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy. Click here for dedicated page.”

Logan blinked. Not… having sexual feelings towards anyone? That was an option?

He considered sending a text to Virgil, but he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to ask. Instead, he opened up the ‘dedicated page’ and began to read.

“Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends… free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires… Many asexual people experience attraction, but feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead they feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for them.”

Oh.

Logan shut the lid of his laptop, trying to breathe as steadily as possible. He grabbed out his phone and texted Virgil a very uneloquent:

Logan: Asexuality is an option? That’s something you can be?

He realised that his text was quite ambiguous and likely very confusing, but luckily enough, Virgil seemed to understand what he meant.

Virgil: yeah, dude, i know. look at aromanticism next, yeah? Virgil: and, uh,,, maybe look into queerplatonic relationships? idk, that might be something that youd want to know about,,,,

Logan was about to turn back to his laptop and do exactly that when his phone buzzed again in his hand. He unlocked it to find another text from Virgil.

Virgil: oh and um, sorry abt earlier. got a lil intense there.

He smiled before sending back a reply.

Logan: It’s already forgiven.

The website Logan was on didn’t seem to have a definition of aromanticism, so after briefly reading over the other descriptions, Logan turned back to google. After scrolling through some links relating to an album of sorts, Logan opened up a website called aromantics wiki and began to read.

“An aromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction.”

Logan felt slightly like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He read over the definition again, and then again, his brain not quite comprehending how this one sentence held as much importance as it did.

Aromantic.

He wasn’t waiting for the right one. He wasn’t strange to not feel romantic attraction. He was aromantic.

Romance had always been pushed on him by his family. It was something he understood—he was the youngest of 3 siblings, both his older brothers having already found wives by the time they were in their late 20’s; his parents expected the same of him—but it certainly wasn’t something he had ever enjoyed.

When he was young he had a best friend called Kara, who was a girl. They’d met on the playground and had bonded over their mutual love of solitude. They both appreciated being able to spend time together without having to worry about socialising. Occasionally they’d talk about school or debate how likely it was that there was life on other planets because they were things they enjoyed discussing, but mostly they swung together or made sandcastles, movements synchronised without even trying. Their relationship had been close, but it had been simple.

And then everyone else ruined it.

When Logan came home from spending time at Kara’s house, his Dad would ask him if he had a good time with his girlfriend. Logan would frown and tell him Kara wasn’t his girlfriend. His Dad would ruffle his hair and laugh, saying, “Sure, buddy”. Logan would be confused as to why he didn’t believe him.

Logan’s brothers would seek the two of them out during lunch at school, taunting them and laughing about how “Logan has a crush! Logan has a crush!” until Kara would grab his hand to pull him away, his brothers’ oooh’s echoing in his ears. He’d hold hands with his mom too, he wouldn’t understand why it was a big deal.

Logan would lay awake at night, questioning his feelings. Did he like Kara? He liked spending time with her. He wanted to make her happy and he liked seeing her smile. He didn’t think he got butterflies around her (and really, he didn’t understand that term anyway; how would butterflies end up in your stomach?) but his parents said it was different for everyone, so maybe he just didn’t realise. He must like her, everyone said he did.

So Logan told her he liked her. And that was the last playdate they ever had together.

He hadn’t realised he was crying until he looked down to see tears splashed on his computer keys. One of the librarians, Ms Miles, had made her way over to Logan’s table and was watching him with a worried expression.

“Logan, sweetheart, are you alright?” she said, dropping the stack of books she was holding onto the other side of the table. She looked kind of shocked to see such a display of emotion from someone usually so stoic.

Logan knew the librarians, Ms Miles, Mrs Carroll and Cathy, quite well. He often volunteered to help shelve books or issue items on days where he wasn’t busy, but still wanted something to do. He’d even collaborated on some displays and events with them when they were asking for help from students, and Cathy had a running list of books she was recommending Logan every time he came in, leading to some truly excellent finds.

Logan wiped at his eyes hastily before sliding his laptop into his bag and standing up from the table.

“Yes, Ms Miles, I’m fine,” Logan lied—his entire world view had just shifted, he was far from fine—“I just remembered something upsetting, but it’s a long time past, really. I’m just going to go back to my dorm now.”

Ms Miles nodded cautiously.

“If you’re sure, Logan,” she said, sweeping up the books she’d put on the table and turning around to begin shelving.

Logan took a shaky breath before grabbing his phone out of his pocket and sending Virgil another text.

Logan: Meet me at the greenhouse. ASAP.

Logan felt his phone buzz almost immediately but didn’t check the reply, instead replacing his cell phone back in his pocket and heading off in the direction of the drama rooms.

Virgil and Logan had an unspoken agreement of sorts. The two of them understood each other very well, having similar natures—usually quiet and more in need of solitude than their two extroverted friends. Time spent with Virgil was generally peaceful and free of societal expectations. They were able to exist near each other without fear of having to socialise, and so they often sought each other out when spoons were low or when they simply needed a bit of quiet company.

Yes, often Virgil needed to be calmed due to his excessive worrying, but Logan was more than happy to do so, providing him with facts and whole truths until Virgil felt slightly more in control. Logan had never been good at comforting people—mindless platitudes and social niceties escaped his realm of understanding—but Virgil didn’t need that. He knew it was bullshit as much as Logan did.

In return, Virgil would keep an eye on Logan. It was subtle at first, but over time grew to Virgil outright ordering him to take care of himself, showing up at his room at all hours of the night, virtually forcing him into bed. Logan would complain as it was happening, but he’d wake up in the morning feeling warmer, ready to tackle whatever had kept him up so late with a more relaxed perspective. Truly, Virgil was an excellent friend.

If Logan thought too hard about it, which he tried his best not to, he reminded him of Kara.

Logan arrived at the greenhouse. It was abandoned, as it always seemed to be. The inside of the glass was coated in dirt, though not enough that you couldn’t see the knocked over plant pots and bags of dirt piled in the corners. Logan had hypothesised to Virgil that the greenhouse must have been used by the botany students once, though it had been in disuse for the entire time Logan and Virgil had known of it.

He took a seat on the ground, leaning against the warm glass. He expected it to be a couple more minutes before Virgil arrived—when comparing the distance between the library and his dorm—so Logan tried to take deep steadying breaths as he waited.

The first time Logan and Virgil had seen the greenhouse was within the first few months of knowing each other. They’d been lightly discussing the merits of social media as they wandered towards their next classes, both giving opposing arguments to what the other said, but always to prompt more discussion rather than as a result of their own beliefs. At least, they’d thought they were wandering towards their next classes. Unfortunately, however, they’d fallen prey to that trope of each of them thinking the other was leading the way, and so instead they ended up somewhere entirely different.

That somewhere different had been the greenhouse.

It had piqued Virgil’s interest almost immediately, always looking for more private places within the school grounds. Having an anxiety disorder in a place so public as a university campus could prove to be a bit difficult sometimes, Virgil had mentioned, and having somewhere he could go when he was feeling overwhelmed and needed to be alone was extremely important to him.

Upon closer inspection, Logan had concluded that the greenhouse hadn’t been used in quite some time. Not only was the area generally overgrown and unkempt—as opposed to the rest of the school, which had the grass cut regularly—but the padlock that hung on the door was rusted shut. Logan didn’t think that anyone could get in if they wanted to.

They’d scoped it out for a time, coming back every so often to check that no one was hanging around there during their breaks or anything, but it remained empty.

Weeks later Logan had witnessed Virgil have a panic attack for the first time. He’d texted Logan while he was studying at the library, telling him to come to the greenhouse. Logan hadn’t really thought anything of it—Virgil likely just wanted a bit of company—so when he arrived to one of his best friends crying and hyperventilating, he’d been a bit taken aback.

It hadn’t gone excellently for either of them. Logan had never seen anyone have a panic attack before so the first 5 or so minutes had been filled with a rather concerned Logan trying to get Virgil to tell him what he was supposed to be doing. In the end, Logan had realised he needed to get Virgil to breathe and had guided him through it a few times, Virgil eventually reaching a point where he was okay enough to explain.

Logan had learnt a lot about anxiety disorders since then. He’d gone back to the empty dorm almost immediately after Virgil had returned to class and researched into it as much as he could. He knew which breathing patterns to implement and he knew which grounding exercises to use, but that didn’t make it all that much easier to do when he, himself, was spiralling into a state of alarm.

He was going to end up living the rest of his life by himself without anyone to be there for him. All his friends were going to pair up, were going to fall in love and move away and he would remain—the leftovers nobody wanted.

He was never going to fall in love. He was never going to have that perfect life his family expected of him. He was going to end up alone forever and he didn’t want to be alone.

He wondered absently if maybe Virgil wasn’t going to come at all. Maybe Logan would die here, unable to breathe as a crushing weight sat on top of his chest.

Luckily, Virgil decided now was a good time to show up. Logan didn’t notice Virgil first arrive—his head pressed against his knees, arms braced on either side—but he did notice as Virgil took a seat next to him, his calming voice floating through Logan’s panicked haze.

“Come on, Lo, you know the breathing techniques, right?” Logan heard him say, “You just gotta breathe with me.”

Logan listened as he began to count, trying his best to breathe in time and focus on Virgil, only Virgil, nothing else. It was actually easier than he thought it would be to block everything out, just listening to Virgil’s counting and slow, steady breaths. It almost made him feel like he was floating, his body left behind as his mind latched on to Virgil’s words, wrapping itself up in them like they were a blanket on a cold winter’s day.

By the time Logan had calmed down, he was exhausted.

His body was sore; tense muscles unclenching, shoulders dropping and chest expanding as he breathed. He tried to focus on staying calm and not on the lingering panic buried in the back of his mind.

“Well, that was absolutely awful,” Logan said, voice much more hoarse than he’d expected it to be, “How do you do that all the time?”

Virgil chuckled, though Logan could tell he was worried. “Well, yeah. It’s not like I choose to.”

Logan hummed noncommittally.

Virgil carefully kept his distance, knowing Logan’s general distaste for physical contact, but right now all Logan wanted to do is crawl into Virgil’s lap and take a nap, maybe have Virgil run his hand through Logan’s hair. Fuck, he must be tired if he’s thinking like that.

Virgil must have been able to sense Logan’s wish for a hug somehow though, because he opened his arms in an offer and Logan barely hesitated before diving in and wrapping his arms around him. Virgil was warm and soft and safe. His grip was offering the perfect amount of pressure where he felt secure, but not trapped. Distantly, Logan realised he was crying again. Not sobbing, more like tears leaking out without his permission and damn, he was going to get dehydrated at this rate.

“I’m sorry,” Logan mumbled into the fabric of Virgil’s hoodie, “I don’t mean to be so emotional, I just-”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Virgil interrupted, “Figuring things out about yourself is overwhelming. God knows I was a mess when I realised I was ace, or when I realised I was nonbinary, or, heck, even just realising I liked boys was a whole lot to deal with.”

“Overwhelming is definitely a word for it, yes.” Logan laughed wetly. “It just feels like suddenly I have so much more to worry about than I did yesterday.”

Virgil unwrapped his arms from around Logan to tilt his chin up. His expression was affectionate and kind.

“But you have a community now, yeah?” he said, voice soft, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Logan barely gave himself a second to think before he was leaning up and pressing a kiss to Virgil’s cheek. Virgil spluttered for about a full five seconds, his face going bright red. Logan pulled away, unable to contain his laughter.

“What…” Virgil trailed off, expression completely baffled, “What was that?”

Logan, amusement dying down, pulled away to instead take position with his head on Virgil’s lap. It wasn’t nearly as comfortable as he had hoped it was going to be, but he was too tired to move now.

“It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“Acting on instinct? Who are you and what have you done with Logan?” Virgil joked, but his face was bright.

Virgil moved his legs slightly and Logan shifted with him and, yes, this was much better. They lay there for a moment, enjoying the stillness. Virgil’s hand had drifted to his hair and after some hesitance from Virgil and a small whine from Logan as he tried to pull away, he had taken to playing with it absentmindedly, his hand stroking through Logan’s dark curls. Another point to Logan for getting what he wanted without having to explicitly ask for it.

Logan had just about drifted off, warm sun beating down on him, when Virgil’s voice cut through the silence.

“Did you, uh, manage to look into queerplatonic relationships… by any chance?"

Logan opened his eyes. Virgil had gone tense underneath him and he frowned. He didn’t understand why this topic was distressing to Virgil, but he tried to assuage his fear nonetheless.

“Virgil I assure you, there’s no need to be anxious about this.” Virgil gave him a small smile, half self-deprecating and half soft and appreciative. “But as it stands, no, I did not get a chance to look into it. Would you like to tell me about it? I promise I will try my best not to fall asleep.”

Logan let his eyes fall shut again as Virgil laughed.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said lamely, “Basically it’s like a regular friendship, but more? Like, uh, you might do things with your queerplatonic partner that you might not with just a friend, like cuddle or uh, I don’t know, emotional intimacy stuff, talking about your hopes and dreams or whatever. And it has the same commitment level as a romantic relationship, like, you might stay together for the rest of your lives kind of thing, but it’s all platonic. You love each other but, like… platonically.”

Logan opened his eyes again to see Virgil staring off into the distance, biting his lip. Absently, Logan thought that he should get Virgil one of those chewy necklaces he’d seen online—the bat one seemed like a good choice; matched his dark aesthetic. On a more concrete level, Logan suddenly understood why Virgil had been so tense.

“Oh,” Logan blinked a few times. “Is that what this is?”

Virgil’s gaze flicked over to Logan immediately, eyes widening.

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be! We can just be friends, there’s seriously no pressure to-”

“Virgil?” Logan interrupted, watching as Virgil winced slightly.

“Yeah?”

Logan examined the face above him for a moment. Virgil was the person he trusted more than anyone else he knew. Virgil was the person who was always there when he needed someone to talk him down from whatever frenzy he had managed to get into. Virgil was an intelligent debate partner, an ever-calming presence and his best friend.

Really, how could there have been any question?

Logan gave a soft smile, “I’d like that.”

Virgil’s answering grin was blinding. Logan couldn’t help but smile brighter in return, his chest warm.

He felt protected here with Virgil. Protected from all the worries he’d previously had, protected from the harshness of the outside world that may not understand them, protected from his own insecurities. He knew Virgil loved him—really he thinks he always knew—and Logan loved him in return.

Virgil was there for him; he didn’t need to be alone.

So, of course, he could not let this moment last.

Logan put on a fake innocent look, channelling all the acting skills he must have gained by proxy from living with Roman.

“Does this mean I get to kiss you on the cheek more frequently?”

Virgil snorted, his face scrunching up as he pushed Logan off of his lap and onto the ground. Logan laughed as Virgil stood up, brushing the dirt off of the back of his skirt.

“I’m gonna get you back for that one day, you know that, right?” Virgil was scowling but Logan could tell he didn’t really mean anything by it.

Logan smiled up at him.

“I have full faith that you will.”