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s1lly-gh02tz · 1 year

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Why do you like Spamton 😭 his character is so shit and he’s annoying asf and overrated

Im glad you asked

Spamton, full name Spamton G. Spamton, is a Darkner from the Cyber World. He is initially encountered in Cyber City, where he is fought as a miniboss. He is likely based on spam emails.

If Kris helps him enter the Queen's Mansion's basement (either through the LoadedDisk or freezing Berdly), he transforms into Spamton NEO, which serves as Chapter 2's bonus boss on a normal route and the main antagonist and final boss of the Chapter 2 Snowgrave Route. As a bonus boss, he holds one of the Shadow Crystals.

Shop

After his battle, he appears as a shopkeeper in the Trash Zone. His shop is unusual in that his items are not what they appear, and their prices fluctuate rapidly while looking at them. He is also the only shopkeeper that the party cannot sell items to, with the "SELL" option being replaced with "BUYMORE!!" His wares are:

KeyGen for 0-49030 Kromer/D$

S.POISON for 50-150 Kromer/D$ (sold as "S. POTION")

Broken Sword for 50-150 Kromer/D$ (sold as "THE BIG ONE")

Frayed Bowtie for 50-150 Kromer/D$ (sold as "BSHOT BOWTIE")

Profile

Appearance

Spamton appears as a diminutive puppet and ex-Addison that wears yellow and pink glasses that sometimes change colors and a long-sleeved black V-neck shirt, with black hair that is slicked back, appearing similar to a pompadour.

After becoming Spamton NEO, Spamton assumes the form of the machine he inhabits. The body of this form looks like a disheveled Mettaton NEO with a gaudy pink and yellow color scheme, and a laser cannon mounted onto his hand. Countless green wires suspend him in the air. His pink and yellow glass colors swap places. He also grows bat wings, one side being green, lilac, and purple, the other being yellow, pink, and magenta, and has teal-green and grey thumbs.

Swatch mentions that many people have failed to imitate his look, and some people have even gone so far as to impersonate him. Spamton's slick black hair, multicolored glasses, pointy white face and black suit are noticeably similar to Swatch's outfit, and Spamton admits to it during a live Q&A during the Spamton Sweepstakes.[1]

Spamton's design seems to be based on a number of popular depictions of puppets, having the face and style of dress seen on classic ventriloquist dummies with the nose of Pinocchio. This is also hinted at in his Spamton NEO form when he refers to himself as a puppet, and with the song "A Real Boy!"

Spamton has the ability to increase the size of his head. In his NEO form, his head is constantly larger than usual.

Personality

Spamton was once a natural salesman, always willing to cut a deal. While he still bears a shadow of these traits, his deals are now often nonsensical or violent. He claims that he became a salesman not for the money, but for the freedom to make his own deals. However, he still attempts to scam Kris for money (which he refers to as "Kromer") at every opportunity. His speech patterns are similar to typical obfuscated spam email text, with many words replaced with non sequitur variants in square brackets that could imply incorrectly-applied mail merge variables or hyperlinks, or various voice glitches.

In much of his dialogue, he seems mentally confused and insane, seemingly projecting himself onto Kris, contradicting himself, and saying things which make little sense, without warning. This mental instability seems to clear up briefly after fighting him in his NEO form, as he wishes Kris success with their journey without using broken English.

Spamton consistently spells "generosity" as "genorisity," "guarantee" as "guaranttee," and "special" as "specil," with an exception for the latter at the end of the Spamton NEO battle after snapping all the wires.

Main Story

History

Some time before Kris and Susie entered the Cyber World, Spamton existed as an unsuccessful spam email Addison, overlooked by Lightners and never able to catch a break.[2] Despite his lack of success, he always proclaimed to his fellow Addisons that he would be a "big shot" one day.[3]

Desperate, Spamton began to look for any way to become more popular. Eventually, he came into contact via phone with someone who could help him, and suddenly he began to be wildly successful. From that point on, Spamton was "on the phone all the time," being aided by an unknown person.[4] His fellow Addisons became jealous of him for his sudden success, and stopped going out with him.[5] His success landed him his own room at the Queen's Mansion, and he began to brag more and more about his deals, ranging from TV commercials to cars.[6]

Then, as sudden as his success was, it came crashing down. The stranger helping Spamton vanished, and all his sales went with them.[6] Desperate, Spamton started spending all of his time "praying" in the basement, obsessed with an "artifact,"[7] presumed to be the machine he uses to become NEO. The machine was created by an unknown Lightner with the help of Swatch, digitally visualizing their hopes and dreams. However, those dreams never came to be, and the machine was abandoned in the basement with the rest of the corrupted data.[8]

With nothing left, Spamton was to be evicted from the Queen's mansion. The day of his eviction, one of the Addisons went to visit Spamton, but found he had already left. Spamton had left his phone hanging off the handle. Spamton presumably left in the middle of a conversation, as the Addison could hear someone on the other end, but after putting the phone to their ear it only made "garbage noise."[9] Likewise, Kris's Cell Phone only makes garbage noise when used in the Dark World.

Abandoned by all of his friends, Spamton was reduced to living in a dumpster in a Cyber City alleyway.[10] Despite his fall from grace, the Color Cafe in Queen's Mansion continued to sell his trademark bowtie, albeit with the brand name cut off.

At some point, someone (presumed to be Spamton) attempted to impersonate Swatch by mimicking his monochrome suit and colored glasses, in order to obtain something (presumed to be the NEO machine).[11] Additionally, somebody (presumed to be Spamton) attempted to commission Sweet Cap'n Cakes to sneak into the Queen's Mansion (presumably to grant him access to the machine), but they declined;[12] Spamton later convinces Kris to do likewise.

After asking him about friends, he brings up an individual named Mike. When talking about Mike, Spamton tells Kris not to trust what they hear on TV because "THE MAN'S A CRIMINAL."[13] Spamton also exclaims "ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS [Mike]!?" at the end of his NEO fight if he is defeated violently, implying Mike may have recorded for Spamton in some capacity in the past.[14]

Chapter 2

Normal Route

Spamton is first encountered by Kris in Cyber City, where Kris seemingly disturbs the garbage container in which Spamton is residing. After a short interaction, Spamton engages Kris in combat as he continues attempting to convince them to accept his "deal."

Later, if Spamton was defeated through mercy, he can be seen again in a shop to the left of the Trash Zone. After Kris accepts yet another deal, he tasks Kris with bringing him an Empty Disk located in a basement in the Queen's Mansion. After purchasing a KeyGen from Spamton, Kris can retrieve the EmptyDisk from the machine in the dilapidated basement. Upon returning to Spamton's shop, Spamton proposes his final deal to Kris: transmitting Spamton through the EmptyDisk and returning it to the machine in the basement.

After Kris places the LoadedDisk back into the machine, Spamton transforms into Spamton NEO, much to his delight and excitement, but is horrified to see that his new form is held up by literal puppet strings. He attacks Kris in an attempt to obtain their SOUL, believing that it is the key to earning his "freedom." Before he can, however, Susie and Ralsei enter the room, and Susie interrupts him by using her Rude Buster spell to knock him out of the way, leading Spamton NEO to launch the three into carts, and battle the party for all of their SOULs.

Spamton NEO can be defeated either by fighting or by cutting the wires controlling him. If he is defeated by fighting, he attempts to continue the fight by turning into "Spamton EX," but his gravely damaged body explodes as he attempts to transform. If the party cuts all of his wires until one remains, Spamton NEO realizes that Kris is trying to free him in spite of his efforts to kill them. He dances gleefully and thanks them, asking them to cut the last wire, only for him to helplessly fall to the ground without any strings to hold him up.

No matter the method, once he is defeated, Spamton returns to his normal form and becomes calm and lucid. He laments how he could not become anything more than a puppet, but compliments the party's strength and wishes them well. He then offers himself to the party, transforming into either a Dealmaker (when defeated by cutting his wires) or a Puppet Scarf (when defeated by fighting). Kris also receives a Shadow Crystal.

#this is like half of his wiki #not even #I just think he’s silly #he fuels my non existent autism

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belizedeservesbetter · 1 year

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Shucked is the Cream of the Crop!

It has the juice!

Guys it is Shucked season and we all best get on board.

My slight disclaimer for this review is that I’ve been on the Shucked train for almost a year now when I saw a staged reading with most of the cast that has stayed with the show to the Broadway production. But even then, as I was walking through the door and asked what this musical was about, I was a bit skeptical when I was told the answer was “corn.”

But this show is the real deal and I know I’ll be making many more trips down to Cob County real soon. This musical is hilarious and full of heart all at once, filled to the brim with top notch performances by people you can tell genuinely care about this show, and I already know Shucked will be a new favorite of mine.

To start things off, this is probably one of the best written books of a musical in a long, long time. Robert Horn (Tony Award winner for Tootsie) has written the funniest show on Broadway, hands down. The jokes keep coming and never stop, and what I found particularly cool was that each character had their own style of comedy, and slight spoilers but it makes sense which characters end up with who they do purely based on complementary comedic styles. Gordy and Lulu’s comedy styles align perfectly, so of course they had to end up together.

But the book isn’t just funny, it’s also full of heart. These are fully developed characters who are genuine and earnest in what they want and need. The story is ultimately about loving others and finding the hero within yourself, which surprisingly worked really well in a show filled with jokes coming at you from all sides.

What also keeps the story grounded is Brandy Clark and Shane McAnally’s score. It’s a folksy country score, which beautifully complements the high octane comedy by keeping it in focus. And surprisingly all the songs are bangers. The opening number sets the tone perfectly, while ballads such as “Walls,” “Maybe Love,” and “Woman of the World” are beautiful songs that drive home the story’s themes. Every character gets a moment to shine, and the boys’ big song, which I’m not totally certain what the name is because there is no song list in the playbill but I’d wager is titled “Hee Haw” is a standout. I’ve also had the Tampa song stuck in my head since seeing the show.

And of course “Independently Owned,” Alex Newell’s big number, brought the house down. There was a full standing ovation afterwords. They were absolutely excellent as Lulu, a sharp as nails whiskey entrepreneur who loves her family and will protect them with everything she has. Newell also has one of my favorite lines in the show, which is “These eyebrows may not be my children, but I’m about to raise them.”

All of the performances are uniformly excellent, with my standouts being Kevin Cahoon as Peanut, Grey Henson & Ashley D. Kelly as Storytellers 1 & 2, and Caroline Innerbichler as Maizy.

Kevin Cahoon plays the most out there character I’ve ever seen in the American theatre canon, and he is absolutely fantastic. Peanut goes on insane non sequiturs and completely nails. But the real glue of his character are his more quiet moments. There is a moment when he’s comforting his brother Beau (Andrew Durand) and he could’ve played it off as a huge joke but he played it completely earnest which worked so incredibly well and gave more layers to the character.

Grey Henson and Ashley D. Kelly play the Storytellers, and yes, they’re very aware that their characters’ names are Storyteller 1 & 2. They are both an absolute delight and I loved every moment they were on stage. They play a narrator role, but also join in when needed. My absolute favorite moment in the show involves Grey Henson when they’re playing the classic mafia style gangsters and the Tampa jewelers.

And of course Caroline Innerbichler as Maizy, the main character of our story. She sings beautifully and is absolutely hilarious and plays Maizy so earnest that you can’t help but root for her. I feel like in any other musical the classic leading lady wouldn’t be “allowed” to be super funny but Innerbichler is hysterical while still being the show’s beating heart.

This review is already getting long but I don’t want to leave out the other two leads. John Behlmann, one of my faves in Tootsie, was also excellent. Andrew Durand, who I famously disliked in Head Over Heels, has completely won me over in this. He was absolutely wonderful in Shucked.

I need to talk about the Storytellers for a second, because a narrator concept usually doesn’t work for me but in this it was one of my favorite parts. They were genuinely so funny and so self aware about it all, and when the twist about them comes at the end, their more tender moments make more sense and is absolutely lovely all around.

Anyways I really loved this show and want it to be a hit. It’s very much “the little show that could” right now and I hope it has a long life on Broadway. It’s so seldom we get an original musical and this one is really stellar.

#shucked #broadway #review #grey henson #theatre

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moorheadthanyoucanhandle · 18 days

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HAUNT GENERATOR

Opening this weekend:

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice--To the list of Gen X-era movie favorites getting very belated sequels, the sweetly macabre 1988 comedy Beetlejuice may now be added. You may remember the title character (spelled, outside of the title, like the red giant star in Orion) is a manic ghost who specialized in exorcizing the unwelcome living from haunted houses. Like Clive Barker's Candyman, he could be conjured into the world of the quick by speaking his name aloud three consecutive times, after which he would wreak havoc.

It's one of the signature roles of the great Michael Keaton; probably his greatest comedic triumph. The film also featured a breakthrough performance by Winona Ryder as the endearing, self-consciously "goth" heroine Lydia, and was a showcase for the visual and comic style of director Tim Burton. It's unquestionably a classic of '80s popular cinema, and it gave rise to a TV cartoon, video games, comics, a long-running stage show at Universal Studios theme parks, and eventually a Broadway musical that put Representative Lauren Boebert into an uncommonly good mood.

None of which necessarily means, of course, that a sequel was required. But one has been made, directed by Burton, starring Keaton, Ryder, and Catherine O'Hara, and scored by Danny Elfman. It has, in short, the stamp of authenticity, and this many years later it's a bit surprising that the original makers have managed to infuse, if anything, even more craziness into it.

Ryder's Lydia, now widowed, is still able to see ghosts, including the occasional startling glimpse of her old nemesis. She's the host of a paranormal TV show produced by her intolerable boyfriend (Justin Theroux). Relations between Lydia and her teenage daughter Astrid (Jenny Ortega) are tense, but circumstances bring the two of them and Lydia's stepmother Delia (O'Hara) back to the old house in picturesque small-town Connecticut. Before long, the boundary between our world and the Kafkaesque, DMV-style bureaucratic afterlife has been breached, and the title ghoul is trying to insinuate himself back into the picture.

What ensues, strung along a script by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar from a story by Seth Grahame-Smith, are more of Burton's elaborate yet non-sequitur slapstick set pieces. The gross-out content is slightly higher here than back in 1988, but it works. The original, you'll recall, had a fixation with Harry Belafonte songs from which its most memorable sequences arose; the new movie is likewise enriched by similarly out-of-nowhere musical interests, even more grandly staged. There are sequence here that achieve true, weapons-grade silliness.

Ortega is touching, and there are other effective new additions to the cast, like Willem Dafoe as an afterlife cop--he was a movie cop in this life--with an exposed brain, or Arthur Conti, excellent as a local kid who charms Astrid. Best of all is Monica Belluci, formidable as the enraged ghost of the leader of a "soul-sucking death cult" who has an unhappy history with our titular hero. The scene in which she pulls herself together with the help of a staple gun is a Burton classic.

Keaton, though used somewhat sparingly, slips easily back into his role, tossing off asides in his muttering natter (or nattering mutter?) with the same moldered aplomb, and moving with the same light-footed exuberance, with which he conducted himself three decades ago. Ryder is also perfectly convincing as the middle-aged version of Lydia; tinged with a hint of emotional desperation in her interactions with Astrid.

I know it sounds ridiculous, and maybe I'm just projecting, but I thought that Ryder, O'Hara and even Keaton brought a subdued, rueful undercurrent to their performances, as if stirred-up memories of the first film's events had awakened genuine emotional pain. Don't misunderstand; if it's there, it's done without the slightest heavy-handed intentionality; it may not even have been conscious on the part of the actors. But it deepens both this film and the original.

#beetlejuice beetlejuice #tim burton #michael keaton #winona ryder #catherine o'hara #monica bellucci #willem dafoe #jenny ortega #arthur conti #justin theroux #seth grahame smith #danny elfman

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meanwhileinstasiville · 6 months

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So I posted a long idea on Facebook, something I rarely do

And it's about openness rather than "being too boring" like Scott Adams the Dilbert guy suggested in one of his books. Me, I've been under a lot of microscopes federal and otherwise over the course of my life (since I was three or so and left a wiretapped phone off the hook).

So I can go back a lot. I'm solitary and anhedonic and have been since ever. I don't really have friends in the sense that, on the one hand, it was like being heterosexual kids first girlfriend. And OTOH, it was like my definition of friendship barely made it past acquaintance from stranger at school levels for my few friends.

I had a friend who's dad didn't think I was worthy of knowing him, who was connected to Chicago and government types, and thought also that my dad was Russian state security or something (don't ask).

I had two different friends who were analogs of the kids of a grocery manager down the road from my childhood home. (A fact I was well aware of) Also including these bizarre out of nowhere pass through non sequitur comments.

A scotsman who was pretty sure I'd shot someone when I was little after his parents, long story, told him not to play first person shooters in front of me. He's doing a stomp dance thing in my middle school age bedroom. Then, this other time, he's showing me how he can hold his breath and press his lungs while standing from doubled over "to black out". 300lb guy collapsing and I bet they heard that at either neighbors house (both neighbors known quantities to me even back then). He's speculating on behalf of someone else by making a guess and check noise. Twice.

A someone-suspected-mass-shooter, eventually expelled from an abundance of caution, connected loosely to the Italian diaspora. He wants to sleep in a hay bale fort the first time I stay over (vicariously trying to asthma kill me right out of the gate). He's asking about "the refrains from songs", Buffalo Springfield theorizing, does aikido rolls over the coffee table in front of his couch, and has this spooky reference pool like my Sicilian relatives are hiding in the curtains in his house or something (ask, but you don't want to know). "in varied forms" he comes to refer to a short list of our conversation topics by phone and otherwise. Because I'm trying to get to the bottom of this stack of coincidences so deep it feels like visiting a theme park. And he, curiosity peaked, is trying to reconcile what people are telling him so emphatically about me, with substance of our interactions. Because he's Italian. "Well if you slept with him..." about phil and what happened at shop n kart which was near the end of our interactions; presuming me gay. Following up with "don't try to kill yourself, don't become an alcoholic or something" because I had at that time, lived with about the opposite of a support system.

And I regularly got punished for both knowing how the systems worked, and also for having the problems that getting punished for knowing how a system works, causes.

Abraham Lincoln was the basis for my youngest friend fyi, because "have I not destroyed my enemy..." against the collective opinion of our respective parents.

And *I did* try to shoot my mom with a revolver when I was all of two because "don't eat that; you'll ruin your dinner". A fact and a part of my character that's never changed, and a fact I have to bear in mind *every time* someone finds a way to antagonize me.

Duck season, rabbit season, my dad said was life; the guy who doesn't know, the guy who knows, and the guy who thinks he knows.

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krispyweiss · 11 months

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Lyle Lovett and Leo Kottke at Midland Theatre, Newark, Ohio, Oct. 28, 2023

Dressed casually in jeans, Leo Kottke was talkative, gut-bustingly funny and similarly loquacious on guitar.

Donning dark formal wear sans tie, Lyle Lovett was more reserved - musically and otherwise - in joining Kottke in Conversation and Song, as their joint tour is dubbed, Oct. 28 at Newark’s Midland Theatre.

Talking about supermarkets, the laconic Lovett, speaking in his smooth Texas drawl, said his wife won’t say Piggly Wiggy; she calls it “that store.”

“I don’t like Come and Go,” Kottke shot back in his gravely baritone.

On it went for two hours, 10 minutes as the friends, colleagues and veritable opposites attracted a large crowd that ended the evening on its collective feet after Lovett and Kottke encored with the former’s “Church,” one of two songs the pair played together (Lovett’s “She’s No Lady” was the other) with Kottke’s low voice and fast-fingered fretting paired beautifully with Lovett’s higher, raspier, croon and simpler guitar style.

This is no knock. Virtually every guitarist plays with less complexity than Kottke.

He’s a band of one who transformed his six-string into an aural six-piece as he played “Twice,” from his partnership with Phish’s Mike Gordon; sung of love almost consummated on “Julie’s House;” and nodded to his heroes - Derek Trucks and Michael Hedges were among the names Kottke dropped throughout the evening - on John Fahey’s “The Last Stream Engine Train.” All told, Kottke offered seven majority instrumental songs that saw him employing slide, fingerpicking, harmonics, feedback and other devices to create the sounds Lovett accurately described as “perfect.”

“What came immediately after the steam engine?” Lovett asked his on-stage compatriot following Fahey’s number.

“A Plymouth,” Kottke replied.

For his part, Lovett played nine tunes, mixing such far-flung covers as Tammy Wynette’s “Stand by Your Man” and Guy Clark’s “Texas - 1947” with self-written fan favorites including “12th of June” and “Pony on My Boat.” And when Lovett performed “Ain’t it Something” after a particularly long-winded, circuitous and hilarious monologue from Kottke, during which he declared nothing is more frightening than happiness and freedom, Lovett explained the selection by saying: “That was the only song I could think of to support your story.”

Kottke couldn’t have been surprised.

“Non-sequiturs don’t faze me,” he said later in the evening.

Grade card: Lyle Lovett and Leo Kottke at Midland Theatre - 10/28/23 - A

10/29/23

#lyle lovett #leo kottke #2023 concerts #john fahey #derek trucks #michael hedges #mike gordon #phish #tammy wynette #guy clark

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littlescaryinternetguy · 1 year

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There is no G/t in the David Byrne (Talking Heads) film True Stories, other than a little during a song sung by a glowering conspiracy freak megachurch preacher.If that sentence perks yr interest go watch this movie immediately. The only movie I can compare it to is, well kind of The Umbrellas of Cherbourg maybe? It's a musical where some people can sing (such as Pops Staples playing a voudun practitioner) and some can't (Annie McEnroe mc-ing a mall fashion show, which turns into (for me) the heart of the film). It is hilariously deadpan and allows all the characters to just be themselves, without comment. It's a sort of naive and wide-eyed genius, which if you like Talking Heads you're familiar with. It's like if their song "The Big Country" was written by the Academy of Baffled Scientists from the Weekly World News.

youtube

This guy gets it a lot better than I do, so read his review. It's four bucks all over the internet, and if nothing else you'll have some great non sequiturs you can trade with your friends. "This is not a rental car. This is privately owned." "There's no weekends any more!" "... did you fart?"

#not g/t #movie #true stories #dream operator #Youtube

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jmicdyke · 2 years

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****WEDNESDAY FREE SONG #396****

“It’s Just Natural”

1/25/2023

My hands and feet are perpetually cold this winter. Speaking of non-sequiturs, this song has three parts that have very little to do with each other jammed together like who gives a shit. I’m stretching the limits of what can be called a song at this point. Should call them Wednesday Free Ideas. Come one, come all to pick from the free cherry tree. Now, what’ve I done since last Wednesday? Not much. Keeping it low key this week. Save some money. Save some brain cells. A lot of reading. Finally got around to starting The Expanse short story collection. Good to be back in that world! Also rewatching the show because there’s just not enough new content out there. Speaking of W.I.T.C.H., one episode left of Severance on Apple TV. It’s a wild ride and I’m here for it.

Now it’s cold again and difficult to type so I’ll go noodle on the guitar and warm these fingers up. I need a guitar for my toes so they can get toasty. Why don’t they make gloves for feet? Oh yeah, socks.

Byebye!

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overlooked-gems · 2 years

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A Look At Stuff You Probably Never Heard Of: Elf Bowling the Movie

Okay, I meant to do this earlier, but I was busy and forgot, so sorry about that. But, I suppose it’s better late than never. Today, we’ll be taking a look at... Elf Bowling the Movie!

Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (henceforth just “Elf Bowling”) is a computer-animated movie released on October 2nd, 2007, serving as an adaptation of the game(s) of the same name, also known as “Elf Bowling”, though mostly telling its own story. The movie was directed and produced by Dave Kim (he would later work on the Simpsons Movie and The Golden Compass) and Rex Piano. And Martin Olson is in charge of writing; he previously worked on the likes of Rocko’s Modern Life (including Static Cling), Phineas and Ferb, Extreme Ghostbusters, Camp Lazlo, and Milo Murphy’s Law.

The movie starts with Santa Maria Auschwitz Kringle (voiced by Joe Alaskey), captain of the Filthy Toe. His crew goes around and steal toys while Santa secretly returns them. He’s accompanied by his half-brother, Dingle Kringle (voiced by Tom Kenny), who serves as his second-in-command. Following a game of bowling (Santa’s favorite game), the crew get angry because Dingle fudged the numbers on Santa’s behalf and start a mutiny while the two brothers argue over who is in the wrong. They’re pushed into the water, where they freeze instantly.

They’re eventually arrive in the North Pole where they are found and thawed out by an elf named Lex, who believes Santa is Whitebeard, a legendary figure who is destined to lead the elves. Lex himself wields a magical ball that allows him to use magic. The two brothers are introduced to the Elves’ Workshop, where they make toys for fun and store them away with Santa deciding to give the toys away to the kids of the world. And following a minor disagreement with Dingle, who wants to steal the toys, Dingle drops Lex’s ball, causing it to roll into a group of elves, knocking them over. The elves love what happened, so Santa calls it “Elf Bowling”. The elves would go on to work for Santa to make toys, with the only stipulation being that they’re happy. As in they’re only contractually obligated to work if they’re happy. If they’re not, then they can go on strike and refuse to work.

Santa would go on to become a legendary figure and gets married to a woman named Grizelda (voiced by Jill Talley, Tom Kenny’s wife and the voice of Karen from Spongebob) known for her legendary strudels while Dingle becomes a common crook, mooching off his brother and using Santa to bail him out when he gets in trouble. Secretly, Dingle plots with his two penguin henchmen to steal the position and the elves from his brother.

One can safely assume there are comedic moments, with the comedy ranging from non-sequiturs to wordplay to just plain bizarre moments.

And while it may not look like it, it can technically be a musical, as there are a few songs in the movie. About 3 or 4 throughout the 1 hour, 22 minute runtime.

Honestly, this is sort of all I can say, so I’m just gonna move on to the Final Recommendation Never Let Go Of It||Get It||Hold Onto It||Try It||Consider It||Stay Away From It

Look, this movie isn’t good by any stretch of the imagination. But similar to other terribad movies like Dragon Ball Evolution or Doogal, it’s the kind of movie where you can get some friends together and laugh at it. There’s honestly no good points about the movie. And it can be weirdly cartoony at times, like Dingle stretching his neck to impossible lengths. And the movie can be weirdly sensual sometimes. Especially with Dingle’s “girlfriend” near the end of the movie.

And you know how I mentioned Santa and Dingle were pirates? Yeah, they initially planned to get a ship to go after their old crew, but that gets dropped almost immediately. Heck, Santa and Dingle fall overboard within the first five minutes of the movie, it’s completely dropped by about minute 15, and the ship and crew are never seen or mentioned again following the mutiny.

Apparently, there was a sequel planned called “Elf Bowling 2: The Great Halloween Pumpkin-Heist” but it was immediately cancelled because of the awful reception of the movie.

I also previously mentioned this movie was based on the Elf Bowling games. Elf Bowling, for those unaware, is a PC game from 1998 developed by NStorm. The elves have gone on strike due to being overworked from the high demand of Christmas toys. So Santa decides to play a bit of Elf Bowling to whip them back into shape by using them as bowling pins. And that’s the entire plot. Bowling, but replace the pins with elves. It’s also a little crude, as you can hit a reindeer passing down the lane and sometimes the pinsetter will take an elf’s head off. The sequel, Elf Bowling 2, has Santa and Dingle (who used to work as a used ice cream salesman) competing in a game of shuffleboard, but using the elves as pucks. Winner takes the title of “Father Christmas”. Both games would end up being ported onto a 2-in-1 compilation cartridge for the GameBoy Advanced and Nintendo DS by Ignition Games.

I also wasn’t sure where to put this, but near the end of the movie, Dingle since a song about how great slavery is, because he enslaved the elves. The song is even titled “Slavery Makes the World Go Round”. And there’s one line that’s especially infamous. “Who pooped in the peanut barrel?!”.

If you want to see the movie, it’s available on Amazon Prime and on YouTube. Yes, it’s on YouTube and you can watch it for free with no ads.

youtube

I’ll see you all next month at the start of the new year! And with it, a game that I’ve had my sights on for about a year or two now. I’ll see you then and have a Happy new Year.

#Elf Bowling #A Look At Stuff You Probably Never Heard Of

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canonicallysoulmates · 2 years

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J2 Gold Panel DCCon 2022

They are both looking so handsome! And Jensen is wearing a leather jacket 🤤🔥

First question up is: what is their theme song?

The fan mentions that their theme song is Don't Stop Believin' by Journey, and Jared says that Separate Ways, which is also by Journey, is pretty badass then says he's gonna go with Faithfully also by that band because while he's not a musician he’s on the road a lot.

Jensen also goes with a road-themed song: On the Road Again by Willie Nelson. He says he’s been driving a lot the past couple weeks (not to nitpick but he was in Canada filming recently so timelines not a 100% accurate on his part) to see family because they're close enough it’s only like 4hrs from where he works and while driving back and forth he’s been playing a lot of Willie Nelson and that song has come up a couple times. He also mentions that he and Jared travel quite a bit and with the pandemic that wasn’t possible so it's made him realize that he truly enjoys being out on the road.

Now for absolutely no reason whatsoever I'm gonna go ahead and point out that Jared has been in Santa Fe the past couple of days just a small drive away (around an 1hr) from Jensen. Jensen who has conveniently provided the information that he's been driving a lot. Y'all do with that info what you want 😇

Continuing on a fan who owns a bakery wants to know what is their favorite type of pie? Jared says pecan pie a la mode to which Jensen in total husband fashion says that what Jared actually likes is a little pecan pie with his ice cream 😆

Jensen answer is either banana or coconut cream pie...so of course Jared makes a joke about bananas and coconuts. x

The third question is not a question it’s a very stupid joke but the boys banter with the person is funny so I’ll include a timestamp. x

Jensen was still thinking about the previous fans question about pie so he asked them what the best pie they make is, the answer is pumpkin. Jared makes an inappropriate joke, I had to pause 🥧

*sigh* Y'all we’re never gonna be free from prank questions. The next question is what's the best prank they've pulled on set together. Y’all know the drill they never planned pranks they just saw the opportunity to mess with someone and would take it. They say the only pranks they had planned were some they wanted to pull on MC but didn't get a chance to. x

Can they tell the story of how they met? 🥰

I know y'all probably already know the story, and I have written about it before, so this will be the quick version. Long story short they meet during auditions on the network test. By that point, Jensen had read originally for Sam but he told tptb that he wanted to read for Dean, and Jared had read for Sam but they didn't think he was a good fit at first because they wanted someone smart so his manager had to call and let them know that he is smart so they gave him a second chance so anyways they both arrive to the chemistry match network test and they were the only ones there and they start talking and the rest is history.

While telling the story they also talk a bit about how the audition process has changed, and Jensen mentions how he would try to throw the competition off their game in the audition rooms which makes Jared go into a quick non sequitur about how when G was auditioning for Wildfire there was this girl, who he and Jensen worked with, who kept trying to make it seem like she already had the role in order to mess with the heads of the others. This story had no point and no end because Jared doesn't reveal who the actress was he just tells Jensen he'll tell him later. The one time the man says something mildly interesting about that woman and he leaves out the most important detail of the story. x

What was their funniest moment or longest outtake? Jared says he has a few regrets about his time on SPN 👀

But that his number one regret is that while they did a lot of things producers do they never got that official producer label. (baby, I regret y'all never got that label too but also spill the tea) If they had they would have kept all the gag reels and outtakes. Examples that come to his mind to answer the question are JDM getting hit in the balls when they filmed the 300th ep also Eye of the Tiger.

Jensen says he's been listening to some of the podcast thing that Benedict and Speight are doing and Taylor Cole, who played Sarah Blake, was in one of the eps and she mention how when they were filming Provenance something happened in one of the scenes and she couldn't stop giggling and Jared also couldn't stop laughing so they had to take a break because they couldn't reel it in. x

I don't know if this was the moment he was referring to but the way Jensen describes it reminds me of this moment from the s1 gag reel where Jared and Taylor are laughing and then there's jealous!Jensen in the background.

We have another non-question, a fan complimented Jensen’s cover of Simple Man that he did on Jason Mann’s cover album. Jensen tells the story of how his singing that song came about; so Jensen had agreed to be on the album but they hadn't chosen a song for him to sing so one day when Jason was in Van for something they were in Jensen's apartment and he asked him what he wanted to sing. Jensen was lightly strumming the guitar trying to come up with something and the song he was mindlessly strumming was Simple Man. Jason asked what he was playing and made Jensen sing the song and Jason liked it and said that's the song we're going with. x

On the off chance that some of you have not heard the acoustic cover, which is what's being mentioned here, that Jensen did of this song I'm gonna leave y'all a link because it's beautiful 🎸

Final question, is there a method to their acting that they’ve kept throughout the years? And a part that they’ve drastically changed?

Jared says his method has been the same since Gilmore Girls, he doesn't really memorize lines he just goes through the script over and over again until it's like a song that he can sing along with even if he doesn't know the name of it or the artist. He'll read it front to back at different times of the day whenever he gets the chance so when he gets to set it's so in his head that instinct takes over.

For Jensen, it's the opposite. He reads the script once very, very slowly. Some scenes he'll re-read a couple times till he has a good grasp of it and has a really good idea of how the scene should be played and then he'll move on and keep reading the script, once he gets through it he won't look at the whole thing again; he will look at the material for the next day the night before, read through it and remember how it impacted him the first time he read it, instinctually know the idea he thinks he wants to do for that scene but still not memorizing anything. Then the day off when they block it out and figure out when they wanna be that's when the words lock in because he is marrying them to his physical space. So when they go to shoot he knows the words.

He says the biggest advice he gives to young actors and actresses is that you always want to be emotionally available in a scene so if somebody's bringing something you hadn't thought of you want to be able to react to it properly.

Jared says he wouldn't recommend Jensen's method to young actors or actresses because it's very difficult to do but Jensen's a black belt in acting which is why he can do that- he admires Jensen so much 🥰

He also says that his pet peeve with scripts is when there's stage direction like 'sam cries' or 'dean breaks down' because there are times when they get there and in the moment it doesn't feel right. Says there are several scenes in SPN where the script doesn't mention them getting teared up but they would get teared up when filming, so he hates when emotions are written.

Jensen adds that that's the good stuff when there were things that would surprise them within the scene; the nuance of the scene and nuance of the relationship or the dialogue they would find it and that's something that he can't tell us how much he loves being a part of that with Jared. Because they would find it so quickly and so much that it would surprise them. 💕

J2 Gold Panel DCCon

#boys are such husbands #j2 tinhat #mine

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why-bless-your-heart · 3 years

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Okay, @inklings-challenge, here we go. I'm not entirely convinced it qualifies as a time-travel story. Mea Culpa.

From the Roots to the Leaves

It was that dreamy look in his eyes that she noticed first. He turned out to be soft-spoken and gentle-natured, deliberate and cautious, with a charming absent-mindedness that betrayed deep thoughts. She had always considered herself an A-type personality, a go-getter, someone who was always on the move--but she found that she liked slowing down with him. She liked who she became around him. And he seemed to like who he became too, because one morning, over a shared breakfast at the local cafe, he quietly proposed to her.

He spilled his orange juice when she said yes.

They said they wanted a small, no-fuss no-muss ceremony, but before they knew it, the guest list had ballooned up to four hundred. The alterations on her dress didn't come out quite right, and she had to mind the whole day that the safety pins her mom had hidden throughout didn't come undone. The rings were lost, and she had to borrow from her in-laws for the exchange--they turned up at the reception, fortunately, the maid of honor had forgotten that she'd tucked them safely in the mother of the groom's purse. The air-conditioning in the hall broke, and the massive fans brought in did little more than make conversation difficult. The food was dry, the speeches were excruciating, the dancing was clumsy, and the cake was halfway melted by the time they cut it.

It was the happiest day of her life.

Learning how to live together was bumpier than she had anticipated. He spent three nights on the couch because he couldn't sleep with the bedroom door closed. She spent a night at her parents' place when he threw away some empty glass bottles he hadn't realized she'd been saving. They fought over the stupidest things--and some things not so stupid--and apologized afterward with words and flowers and kisses and food.

They began to get to know each other.

He had always seemed to have some continuous inner dialogue going. He would say something that sounded like a non-sequitur, but was obviously a continuation of some private line of thought. He would smile or frown at things nobody was saying, and sit with a far-off gaze in his eyes for what seemed like hours, until a word from her pulled him back into the present. It was as if he was always listening to something only he could hear.

One day she was sitting with him at the table after dinner, neither one of them wanting to be the first one to stand up and start clearing the dishes. She noticed that familiar far-off look come into his eyes. Reaching out to touch his hand, she said, half-teasingly, "I wish you'd let me hear what's going on in that head of yours.

He looked at her with mild surprise. "Really?"

She laughed and nodded.

He tilted his head, as if listening again. "My grandmother's singing," he said, "My grandfather's telling me how much he likes the way she sings while she's working."

"What?"

He began to sing, some old spiritual, it sounded like. Not one she recognized. "It was one of my grandmother's favorite songs," he said, after a verse, "My great-grandmother sings it too."

"What, you mean she did?"

"Well, yeah, but when I hear her singing, she'll sing that one a lot."

She pulled back a little bit. "You hear dead people in your head?"

He frowned. "Not exactly. It's kind of like..." he hesitated, choosing the right words. "It's like leaving a time capsule for someone, right? Except for your descendants." He snapped his fingers. "Like ancestral memories! You know, how migrating animals will remember where to go, except that we're people, so it's things you say."

"So your grandparents just talk to you." She wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"Well, things that my parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents say. Before that there really isn't anything, I think it fades after a couple generations." He wasn't joking.

She stood up and started clearing the dishes, changing the subject to what show they were going to watch that night.

They returned to the discussion more than a few times. It came from his dad's side, but he could remember things his mom had said too. He started telling her the things he remembered throughout the day, little snippets of jokes and advice and commentary. There wasn't any pattern to them, but she began to recognize the different voices. His grandfather would comment on little things that made him happy, while his grandmother would sing or tell something funny that had made her laugh. His parents mostly gave advice, and his great-grandparents would often scold and kvetch, but always with a deep-seated humor. She realized that his family, all of them long-dead except for his parents, had become part of her household too.

They had planned to wait at least another year or two before trying for a baby, but after some weeks of malaise and a missed cycle, one weekend she found herself staring down at two stubborn little lines that weren't going anywhere. The mixture of terror and excitement reduced her to tears three times before she made it out of the bathroom to give him the news. They cried and laughed together, and neither of them got any sleep that night.

A couple of months later, she was brushing her teeth when she felt a small flutter, and her heart almost stopped when she realized it was their baby kicking. She put her hand over her belly, gently pressing back, and she spoke to her child for the first time, not knowing when he or she would hear it, however many years in the future.

"I love you."

#inklingschallenge #team tolkien #genre: time travel #theme: incarnation #story: complete #It's okay if I don't like it. It's done.#my writing

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helisol · 4 years

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dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,,

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi!

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second.

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose.

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right?

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer. and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right?

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo.

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person.

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me” for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo.

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

#the SOUND of my HEAD hitting my DESK with TERMINAL VELOCITY #quodo #star trek

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bisluthq · 4 years

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SS Tily does not lay claim to Lover; a thesis

I thought this would take me longer but y’all, I’m done with Part 2 of my Gaylor analyses. Unfortunately this chapter brings bad news for Tily nation. I honestly don’t think many of the songs on Lover are about that relationship. But I also think it’s not as simple as the mainstream Kaylor narrative would have us believe. Let’s dive into this, shall we?

First things first. I think it’s worth noting that many of the songs on this album are not about romantic relationships at all. Like it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to portray it as an album primarily about romantic love when so many songs explicitly aren’t about that feeling. In fact, there are more themes on Lover than on any of her earlier stuff - it’s something she expands on in folklore.

I Forgot That You Existed, The Man, The Archer (which I firmly believe is about her debating coming out), Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince (very obviously about the political situation generally and supported by the doccie title), London Boy, Soon You’ll Get Better, YNTCD, and ME! are all about explicitly different themes. Obviously there are a couple references within those (like ME! has that line about “I never leave well enough alone” which reappears on the 1, and The Archer mentions someone “staying” but I still think ME! is about self-love not romantic love and The Archer is about personal anxiety around identity). Fundamentally, they are not love songs.

I don’t think that’s really up for debate. The only one I can see anyone - say Toes or like hardcore Tily fans - debating is London Boy. Unfortunately for my Tily babes, I do think it’s satire that serves as a homage to Joe and the other British beards, and possibly riffs a teeny bit on her time with Lily. Contrary to some gold medalists in Kaylor mental gymnastics, I fully believe Tay does make reference to Joe in her lyrics (I’ve mentioned the fictional verse for Dress and the reference to “keeping him” in Ready for It). This really doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of Tily songs off of Rep. The British references in CIWYW, KOMH and Delicate are subtle and chilled and actually quite cute. London Boy is an onslaught of non-sequiturs about London, the UK and her beards. Also “stories from uni” fits both Joe and Tom H, but it doesn’t fit Lily who never went to university. All her Lily songs are about hiding out in private; London Boy is all about galavanting around town with “his” friends (Lily and Tay had the same friends though?) It’s simply not about the same person or the same relationship.

I do think there’s a chance it could be poking fun (lightly) at Lily/that period she spent in London because as I’ve already said I think Tay is not above shading ex-girlfriends and it seems like the kind of thing Karlie would’ve also found a bit funny. I think when she got back together with Karlie - which almost definitely happened - she would’ve 100% laughed about the “say you fancy me not fancy stuff” era. That would explain the recurrence of both Motown and queen imagery, which first appeared on KOMH. But where KOMH felt very genuine and authentic, this one is obviously meant to be funny.

Right. So. Now that we’ve established 8 songs are about other themes, let’s get the Kaylor songs sorted: Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street, DBATC, False God and Daylight are all undeniably about Karlie fucking Kloss. They all feature the images and tropes and hallmarks that pepper Karlie songs. They all have the same kinds of emotions. And they paint a pretty sad, troubling and complex picture.

Cruel Summer comes first and seems to mostly be about their first breakup, which she first referred to on DWOHT. We have Tay once again begging Karlie to stay and work it out and not being certain for sure about her feelings.

We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times

We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

I mean that’s super sad. Tay’s saying they discussed how they’ll fuck it all up, and she’s feeling like they’re not even trying to fix things. You also have that “I want it” which is interesting considering the “we” that preceded it. “We’re” not trying because only “I want it”. Ouch.

Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

And it's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

It's cool, that's what I tell 'em

No rules in breakable heaven

But ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

With you

Here we have “I’m always waiting for you” which yet again suggests Tay is the one who’s more invested. Then we have the shape of “your” body (which is a familiar concept from Dress), but the feeling it gives her here is blue here not gold - maybe that’s why the shape is new? In the past Karlie’s body made her feel golden but now it’s a bluer, sadder feeling. Blue starts recurring more frequently on these late era Kaylor songs. There’s a possible alternate reading, which is blue = Swiftgron (“my love had been frozen deep blue”). It’s a nice theory but it just doesn’t gel with the garden gate below. Also, while both relationships seem to have been colored by commitment issues, the premise of unrequitedness doesn’t really feature on the songs about Di. She asks Di to stay, tells her she’s thinking of her, and they’re “too in love to think straight” but Tay never says Karlie loves her back. Ever. It’s never expressly mutual.

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh)

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

He looks up, grinning like a devil

Look at that fourth line. It perfectly fits with the Kaylor narrative on Rep and it doesn’t fit the Tily songs at all. She wanted to keep that second relationship private and secret and hidden. And here she’s saying “I don’t want to keep secrets” - this is take two of “I don’t want you like a best friend”. Also the “for whatever it’s worth” reminds me of “here’s the truth” from End Game. It’s the kind of thing you’d say in the midst of a fight.

Then we have her screaming “I love you” and receiving no reply as usual beyond a devilish grin. The more I do these analyses the less I understand how or why Kaylor gets romanticized in the way it does, while Swiftgron gets bashed for toxicity. Like my girl Tay has a thing for chaotic lesbians with commitment issues and Kaylor seems like it was WILD.

Back to the lyrics, this time let’s look at Kaylor anthem Cornelia Street:

We were in the backseat

Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"

I say casually in the car

We were a fresh page on the desk

Filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead

Leading us home

I find this whole song really interesting because it features one of Tay’s favorite ideas - glamorizing normal people things. It’s like the time with the “motel bar” in Getaway Car. Like she 100% was thrilled to be able to say “I’m renting this apartment” - never mind that it’s basically a whole ass house. I actually think the above verse is really beautiful. I know I give Kaylor a lot of shit but obviously there were beautiful moments and Tay had/has plenty of good memories.

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I mean frankly this verse above is super insecure in the standard Kaylor way. Tay’s saying she’s terrified of Karlie walking away and that she “hopes” she never loses her. The tone is sad, forlorn and a little desperate. I also think it’s interesting that she says she’d never walk Cornelia Street again, and that the city screams Karlie’s name and then on hoax she goes ahead and says she left a part of herself back in New York. It’s almost like her fears and anxieties did prove justified. Poor baby.

Windows flung right open, autumn air

Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours

We bless the rains on Cornelia Street

Memorize the creaks in the floor

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

Those first four lines seem to be about the good again, and I’m happy for them. I really do think they had good times. Those four lines make me think of parts of YAIL and the toast and weekends and stuff.

The rest of this verse though seems to be about the first split and subsequent reunion. “I thought you were leading me on” she says, and I “left Cornelia Street” presumably to go to London. But then Karlie called her back, “showed her hand” and Tay “turned around” before she reached the point of no return and they worked it out. “Sat on the roof, you and I” is similar in content to “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush” but very different in tone. She’s not peppy here, she’s not positive. It’s a little bit tortured - and then it continues with “hoping it never ends”. The reappearance of the Tily imagery on Kaylor 2.0 songs makes sense to me, again, because discussing exes in the same social circle as you is just blatant lesbian culture. It makes complete sense that these two women are on Taylor’s mind. She has really really deep feelings for Karlie but she enjoyed the more simple and straightforward relationship she had with Lily.

DBATC is the Kaylor 1.0 breakup anthem:

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

We have her getting drunk to forget, trying to say “I’m fine” when it’s not true, and just generally missing Karlie.

I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home

I mean, this is Cornelia Street (“never walk here again”) and Dress all over again. It’s the two ideas from before but now on the other side, because they’re actually broken up.

And what once was ours is no one's now

I see you everywhere, the only thing we share

Is this small town

You said it was a great love, one for the ages

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

“I see you everywhere” is very “this city screams your name” and I think “small town” is a metaphor for their social circle. The last two lines are just Tay being hung up on Karlie. She was writing pages in Cornelia Street as well, so this whole idea of telling a story with Karlie is another recurrent image.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love

Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club

Our songs, our films, united, we stand

Our country, guess it was a lawless land

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust

Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up

Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough

But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

I mean this is the usual obsession, desperation and general pining Tay has for Karlie. We also have Karlie touching her briefly, which is something she has spoken about before and is really into. Paper-thin plans is probably about the plans to make it work? We have that image reparations later in hoax so I think it’s most likely about Karlie bailing on Tay’s PR game and doing her own thing and/or Karlie’s (accidental?) involvement in the masters heist.

Also, this whole song is very sad but it’s not on the level of desperation I would expect if Tay wasn’t rebounding hard and if they didn’t reunite. She’s pretty sad about how the whole thing went down but she does say she’ll “be alright” which is the opposite of “that’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”. I think she wrote this after the first breakup and Cornelia Street came later, after they were back together. That’s when she really went all in into this relationship. It still wasn’t enough.

False God is about their reunion:

We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

We know Tay ran away to Europe after the mess of 2016 and here she jumps into the ocean separating them and flies back to Karlie. The idea of it being “crazy” that it could work is also a recurrent fear/anxiety she has with regards to Karlie. “I had a bad feeling,” remember?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

They’re figuring things out, and Tay is New York - Karlie’s favorite city. “I still do it for you” is an admission of affection, which rarely happens in Kaylor songs, but it’s so sexual that I don’t find it shocking or out of character.

But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

I mean sex songs are just peak Kaylor and this is all just so so so gay and I don’t understand how hets can make it make srnse. “We might just get away with it” is the usual Kaylor anxiety by the way.

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me, honey

Hell is when I fight with you

But we can patch it up good

Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness

Got the wine for you

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this

Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you

You're the West Village

You still do it for me, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

Standard Kaylor imagery with sensual touching, wine and New York and a direct reference to Karlie’s apartment. I think “make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness” appears to refer to the reunion.

Daylight is a very beautiful love song for Karlie. The “golden”, the bodies intertwining, New York, and the depth of her emotions all fit the Kaylor story and narrative. I think she wrote this when they were back together. It’s also, as is common with the Kaylor songs, squarely from Tay’s perspective. She wrote it alone, and I think specifically for Karlie when they reunited. Very pretty, very nice. I mean they ended up breaking up and that was bound to happen in like every other song but when they were good Tay did create some gems and they were very happy. I love this song and I do like aspects of Kaylor’s time together.

Now we get onto the songs that don’t neatly fit Kaylor.

Afterglow could be a Kaylor song. But it could also be about the breakup with her rebound. It’s not only by Tay, so we’re looking for broad themes rather than specifics necessarily.

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)

I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow

I don’t know that this sounds like the Kaylor breakup we heard about. It’s a different premise to False God, DBATC and Cornelia Street. In all of those songs it was a mutual breakup/misunderstanding. “I can’t talk to you” and then “you can’t talk to me” in False God is a two-way communication issue. DBATC goes off at Karlie for taking up every part of her and “giving up on me”. Cornelia Street said Tay thought Karlie was “leading her on” but that was resolved. Then Afterglow goes and lays all the blame on Tay.

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

I mean this really does sound like it’s Tay fucking up badly. Not wanting to let the other person in, taking it out on them, hurting her lover.

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

This ultraviolet morning light below

Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

This really doesn’t sound like the Kaylor fear and stress. It sounds like the cerebral and emotional connection from Rep. “It’s so excruciating to see you low” seems tied up with the heart to hearts and conversations she was having in those secondary songs on Rep.

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

I need to say

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

I need to say

This just seems like a very different plan for fixing things than the one outlined in the Kaylor songs (which is “let’s bone”). Also “I break your heart” is an anxiety that seems to parallel the burgeoning love in Delicate, KOMH and CIWYW. It doesn’t seem like a Kaylor fear because Tay is always the one who wants Karlie more. I believe this is mostly a Tily breakup song.

Then we get the three happy songs on the album: Lover, I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. It’s actually pretty intense that there are only three peppy, romantic songs on an album largely touted by Gaylors and Hetlors alike as being about a happy long term relationship.

You want my controversial explanation for these songs? They’re fictional. All three are extremely vague and lacking in any of the Karlie/other person imagery. They’re like New Year’s Day and some of the early stuff.

I Think He Knows is a very hetro song. It physically pains me to say that, it really does, but nothing about it seems gay to me. I guess “boyish look” is something you could say about some women but that’s really a reach. Also it’s just very much not a relatable lesbian emotion. I’ve never met a queer woman being like “yeah I think she KNOWS, you know?” about her girlfriend. “She’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand” would make no sense. Us sapphics are compulsive overthinkers. And that’s what comes across on all her songs about Karlie and about Di and even those Tily songs from Rep. That’s largely why Tay’s stuff is so damn gay.

Tay’s permanently anxious - even on her love songs, there’s a thread of anxiety running through it all. This song is missing any of that anxiety. This song also has so, so many male pronouns…. And “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans” is an objectively weird thing to say about a relationship. It just doesn’t strike me as sapphic, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as being about Karlie lr Lily or Di. Also Nashville is 16th Avenue and I don’t know why any of the women would be associated with Nashville.

That Nashville reference makes me think that maybe the song is inspired by the music industry generally? If you go look at 16th Avenue by Lacy J. Dalton, there’s a clear narrative about the music industry. I think it’s possible that Tay’s song is referencing the love she feels for and from the music industry and her fans. That would tie into the architectural plans, being 17 (she often speaks about being stuck at that age because it’s when she got famous), and “he’s so obsessed with me” makes sense when you’re AOTD. Even the “attitude” line makes sense in this interpretation.

This bit:

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

"So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark

"Where we gonna go?"

I think he knows

Is a little harder to make sense of and seems like it could maybe be about Lily or at least inspired by her - there’s the car/driving theme from the secondary Rep relationship and Lily does have indigo eyes (they’re way bluer than Joe’s). So maybe she used images and diaries from that period to add to the story about Nashville? But overall this smugness just doesn’t strike me as very gay and in general the song doesn’t seem to be about any one woman in her history. Also “better lock it down or I won’t stick around” is so very hetro and like… untortured.

Paper Rings is not about Karlie but I also don’t think it’s about Lily.

The moon is high

Like your friends were the night that we first met

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

The wine is cold

Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street

Cat and mouse for a month or two or three

Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

This is not about Karlie. We’ve heard repeatedly that they fell in love at first sight so “month or two or three” is kinda wild? Like they full on U-Hauled it with the Big Sur trip and Tay moving to New York and Karlie basically moving into her apartment. They were never cat and mouse? Also Karlie was a supermodel by the time they met one another so “trying to stalk you on the internet” seems a bit of an odd way to phrase it. There would’ve been plenty to find. They both had big reputations. Moreover, they had multiple mutual friends so “your friends” is also an odd turn of phrase. How does this verse fit any aspect of the Kaylor love story?

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue

Which takes me back

To the color that we painted your brother's wall

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws

We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

This is also very not Kaylor lol except for the tall part. The chilled out hanging out and swimming and wall painting sounds more like the songs about Tily on Rep.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want, and

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want

In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams

Oh, you're the one I want

This seems like it could be Tily because of the “we went from friends to this” (Kaylor were never friends, and had no intention of being friends, they’ve literally only ever dated). But I’m not sure Tay ever wanted to marry Lily? That’s not what comes across in the other Tily songs.

I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too

I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

The driving and the chilledness is similar to the Tily songs but I’m still not sold. It really doesn’t feel particularly authentic.

Also, I know I mostly do lyric analysis but I’d like to include this quote from Tay about the song: “This song talks about true love, and if you really find true love, you probably don't really care what the symbolism of that love is. Material things wouldn't matter to you anymore if you found someone that you just wanted to live your life with.” The quote is distinctly hypothetical. “You probably don’t really care” “wouldn’t” “if you found”....

My gut says this is based around positive romantic relationships she has had but is extrapolated to a rosy conclusion. One day, Tay’s gonna want to marry someone with paper rings. But for now it’s a fictional hypothetical. None of the details fit any of her relationships. It’s made up. That’s why it includes the “baby boy” line... because it’s fiction.

And now for the really hot take… Lover is equally made up, although she was - again - inspired by her real relationships.

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

This is continuing the themes from New Year’s Day which always strikes me as a “what if” rather than an actual ode to one of the muses. That final line seems like it could be about Karlie but the absolute calmness with which she sings makes it seem like it’s not about her. The mysterious way is also a brand new image and considering how much she sings about Karlie you would’ve thought we’d have had that image at least once before?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

I mean this doesn’t sound like Kaylor. Part of the anxiety there is always about going places together and being seen. It does have bits that seem like Tily to me; “take me out and take me home” kind of reminds me of the “meet me in the back” and “can we always be this close” seems similar to “is it chill that you’re in my head?”

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

The first three lines could be about either Karlie or Lily although I don’t know if Tily had “their place”. Kaylor definitely did.

That last line… is kinda why I think this is mostly fiction. I mean we know it doesn’t make sense for Toe. We know that. And I know about the gymnastics to fit it as a Kaylor song. But the thing is, even if she wrote it around the time that they went away to Wyoming, why wouldn’t she update it when recording it? It literally doesn’t fit the Toe timeline so it can’t be that she wanted it for that. She could’ve made it vague. But no she says “three summers”. Where else have we heard about “three summers”?

September saw a month of tears

And thankin' God that you weren't here

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed

Is a letter that you never read

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet

That’s from Tim McGraw.

She just likes that image. It recurs. It’s not about Karlie, and it’s not about Lily, and it’s obviously not about Joe. It’s just a pretty turn of phrase. She loves counting in summers and Cruel Summers and the summer in Betty/august…. It’s not something she associates with one person.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my

Lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be over-dramatic and true to my

Lover

This whole wedding bit doesn’t make sense for either Kaylor or Tily or Swiftgron. Like she’s constantly questioning Karlie’s commitment to her. And you want me to believe she’s singing vows? Lol no.

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat

Lover

Very cute. Very non-specific. Not about any one partner.

So this supposed ode/serenade to Karlie doesn’t feature any of the images associated with her and doesn’t include any details that actively fit their relationship arc as described elsewhere except for jealousy and possibly love at first sight.

These three peppy love songs - which make up the minority of songs on the album - are about Taylor’s manifestations for the future. ITHK could be about the industry more generally. The other two are describing what she wants and what she pictures as ideal for a relationship.

So conclusions: a large chunk of the songs on Lover aren’t about romance. Many, many are about Karlie. Afterglow could be about Lily and some of the regrets Tay had about the split. Paper Rings, I Think He Knows and Lover aren’t about anyone in particular.

Last thought: I agree that It’s Nice To Have a Friend is about lesbians generally. But also possibly about Karlie, in which case the final verse is Karlie choosing the marriage with Josh and in that case the song is fucking devastating and heartbreaking. But tbh a lot about Kaylor is so it’s no surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️

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As usual, I’m up to discuss this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk! xx

#tily nation where you at #tily #taylorswift #lyric analysis #lover #taylor swift #gaylor swift #kaylor #lover analysis

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passionate-reply · 3 years

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Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the guy from Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo are best remembered as the guys from “Mexican Radio.” But there’s a whole lot more to Ridgway’s solo career, which began with 1986′s The Big Heat--Americana, epic narratives, and a whole lot of digital synth. (Transcript below the break!)

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, we’ll be looking at an often overlooked solo debut: Stan Ridgway’s The Big Heat, first released in 1986.

Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the original frontman of Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo, in turn, are best remembered for the single “Mexican Radio,” a landmark bit of New Wave eclecticism that became an unlikely hit thanks in large part to heavy rotation on MTV. That said, like a lot of ostensible “one-hit wonders,” the span of Ridgway’s artistic career is quite a bit more varied and more interesting than this solitary recording might suggest. While I don’t believe that “Mexican Radio” is simply a novelty song that can easily be dismissed, I will set it aside for the time being, because any attempt to cover the rest of Stan Ridgway’s work is probably better off without worrying about it. Instead, let’s take a look at his first bona fide solo release: the 1983 single, “Don’t Box Me In.”

Music: “Don’t Box Me In”

“Don’t Box Me In” was a collaboration between Ridgway and percussionist Stewart Copeland, then known chiefly for his work with the group The Police. While Copeland is now fairly well known for his work composing scores for cinema and video games, this was one of his first forays into that field: the soundtrack to Francis Ford Coppola’s film adaptation of Rumble Fish. Based on a novel by S. E. Hinton, most famous for The Outsiders, Rumble Fish was actually a tremendous flop for Coppola, perceived to be a bit too avant-garde for its own good, and Copeland’s percussion-led score for the film, experimental in its own right, certainly didn’t help that perception. Despite all of this, “Don’t Box Me In” managed to do fairly well for itself as a single, achieving substantial alternative radio play purely on its own merits. And merits it has, weaving together the experience of a fish trapped in a tiny bowl with a more universalized sense of human ennui, being overlooked and underestimated by everyone around you. Not to be underestimated himself, Ridgway has not only written these evocative lyrics, but delivers them in a manner that shows a complexity beyond his semi-affected Western twang, conveying fragility and uncertainty alongside indignation and determinedness. This is also the version of Stan Ridgway whom we meet when we listen to The Big Heat.

Music: “Camouflage”

Despite being the very last single released from The Big Heat, the eerie war yarn “Camouflage” would go on to be the most successful track from the album, and Ridgway’s best-known hit as a solo artist. Perhaps surprisingly, the single was largely snubbed in the charts of Ridgway’s native USA, becoming a much bigger hit throughout Europe. While playing the harmonica and sporting a bolo tie, Ridgway seems to almost play the character of the quintessential American, and perhaps it’s that quality that’s caused this apparent rift. Is it necessary to analyze his art through the lens of exoticism in order to find it appealing?

It’s a hard question for me to answer, personally--I might be from the US myself, but at the same time, the vast majority of the music I listen to is European, as a natural consequence of being chiefly a devotee of electronic music. There is still a sort of novelty factor I find in Ridgway’s work. I remain in awe of the fact that a musical genius exists who uses a hard R, and says “huh?” instead of “pardon me?” But, of course, I am amazed by this moreso because it makes me feel “represented,” for once, in a musical tradition which is important to me. If people from Britain’s crumbling industrial centers like Sheffield and Manchester have made great electronic music, then surely synthesisers can also tell the stories of the American Rust Belt, where I come from? For that, we’ll have to step away from the sort of typified narrative of “Camouflage,” and take a listen to the album’s title track.

Music: “The Big Heat”

“Camouflage” told us a tale as old as time, in which a benevolent ghost offers one last act of aid to a vulnerable human being. The album’s title track, on the other hand, alludes to a particularly 20th Century form of storytelling: the detective drama and film noir, as hinted at by its allusion to the classic Fritz Lang film of the same title. Ridgway assumes the perspective of the hardboiled detective, hot on the trail of some mysterious quarry, and it is the innocent passers-by he seeks information from who respond with the song’s banal refrain: “Everybody wants another piece of pie today.” For as much as people have mocked Ridgway’s singing style over the years, you’ve got to appreciate his lilting delivery of this line here in the first verse, where it comes from the mouth of a female character.

It’s easy, of course, to see such apparent non sequitur lyrics in Ridgway’s oeuvre as merely ridiculous, as many quickly do with the likes of “Mexican Radio,” but the more you listen to him, the more his style begins to make sense. The instinct to find humour in things is deeply connected to the feeling of being surprised, and encountering the unexpected. Ridgway happens to be all about delivering the unexpected, and it’s precisely the surface-level absurdities and surprises his lyricism offers that make us think more deeply about the stories he tells. The title track of The Big Heat isn’t about pie, but rather the fact that everybody its characters encounter appears to be grasping for more out of life, and hungry for something else. It’s what drives criminals to transgress against the law, and it’s also, perhaps, what drives the detective to devote himself to the pursuit of the abstract principle of “justice.” To both the villain and the hero of this story, the civilians they brush past are little more than means to an end, despite their display of greater wisdom and insight into these issues than anyone else. Ridgway excels at conveying this sort of saintly everymannishness, and does so with similar gusto on the track “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”.

Music: “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”

“Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” was actually not released as a single, which is perhaps surprising given its hooky quality and sprightly synth backdrop. While “Camouflage” is assembled chiefly from traditional instruments, with only a subtle intrusion of Yamaha DX-7 to remind you that it came out in 1986, many of the other tracks, like this one and the title track, are willing to double down on electronic influences, and ride the wave of “peak synth-pop” that was easily cresting by the mid-1980s. That aside, the central theme of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” is the quotidian avariciousness one encounters among ordinary folk, and the psychological effects of living in a “mean world.” While the text mostly revolves around the idea of living in fear, and the paranoia of knowing that “everything changes hands when it hits the ground,” it reaches a climax by showing us an actual situation where this occurs: the pathetic figure of a filthy old man who finds a small bill in the road, and, in a fit of folk superstitiousness, is said to “thank the street.” The song’s tension lives between the bustle of the jealous ones, and the reality of life for those desperate enough to pick up money from the street. Like many of Ridgway’s greatest works, this track simultaneously portrays the mentality of the common man in a direct and serious manner, but also opens up room for it to be criticized. This everyman bystander persona is assumed more directly in the track “Drive, She Said.”

Music: “Drive, She Said”

While the album’s more electronic elements are its main draw, in my eyes, there are still a number of tracks that remain dominated by traditional instruments, “Drive, She Said” being a prime example of them. While narratives are always at the center of Ridgway’s work, “Drive, She Said” moves us away from omniscient narration like that of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” and back into the mind of a specific and individualized narrator--in this case, a cab driver who somewhat reluctantly transports a bank robber, with whom he might also be falling in love. While it doesn’t have the supernatural implications of “Camouflage,” the two stories do seem to have much in common: an ordinary person meets someone who quickly reveals their extraordinary nature, and despite the brevity of their encounter, the protagonist is deeply affected, and perhaps changed, by the events. Much as “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” sees fit to shatter its apparent main premise, with an interlude that shifts the tempo of the music as well as introduces the contrasting figure of the old beggar, “Drive, She Said” introduces an interlude of its own: the driver’s reverie, in which he runs away with his enigmatic passenger. As in many of Ridgway’s tales, we must consider both the beauty of a wonderful dream, and its sheer impossibility.

On the cover of The Big Heat, we see a portrait of Stan Ridgway looking glum, which is not itself terribly unusual for an album cover, though the fact that he’s behind a metal fence certainly is. The main focus of the image seems to be Ridgway’s environment, a bleak industrial setting full of towering machinery, and no other traces of human beings. The absence of other figures in this scene draws attention to the scale of the machines, as well as the fact that in many parts of the US, including my own, it’s very common to see equipment like this that’s fallen into disuse and disrepair. Much as ruined aqueducts and palaces mark the places in Europe where the Roman Empire had once held fast, these sorts of derelict manufacturing facilities are a common sight in America, and serve as reminders of the squandered “American Century.” While many album covers have shown me places I like to imagine myself visiting, I don’t have to imagine what being here might be like, having grown up in a place whose pride left soon after the steel industry did. It strikes me as exactly the kind of setting that Ridgway’s narratives ought to take place in: dirty, simple, well-intentioned, doomed, and all-American.

Ridgway’s follow-up to The Big Heat would be 1989’s *Mosquitos,* an album that largely abandons the many synthesiser-driven compositions found in his earlier work. It’s hard to fault him for this decision, given how much the mainstream appeared to be souring on synth-pop and electronic rock by the end of the decade, but it does mean that this album offers little I’d want to listen to recreationally. That is, with the exception of its third and final single, “Goin’ Southbound,” a practically epic drama of small-town drug smugglers trying to survive, and one that fires on all cylinders when it comes to fiddles dueling with digital synths. This track feels like it would fit right in on The Big Heat, so if you’ve enjoyed this album, don’t miss it.

Music: “Goin’ Southbound”

My favourite track on The Big Heat is “Salesman,” which, to my surprise, received a small advance promo release without ever becoming a true single. The titular character, an unctuous but insecure traveling salesman, is as rich a narrating persona as any of the many in Ridgway’s catalogue, and I love the way the refrain just feels like a song you might make up while idly doing something else, silly and yet primal at the same time. It captures the feeling of living “on the edge of the ball,” enjoying the freedom of spontaneity, but also, perhaps, suffering for its enforced sloppiness. That’s everything for today, thanks for listening!

Music: “Salesman”

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