#sorry for being so depressing but also people seem to like when i post the sad blue turtle so. yeah

[sad-leon]

TW Suicide Attempt

we all talk about him portal chopping an arm off but,,, it would be so easy. so quick

KoFi || Patreon

[deityofhearts]

I just want attention but I want for people to actually want to give me attention without me having to all but beg for it (and even then I end up begging for attention, that’s what this post is)

[saltpepperbeard]

OBLIGATORY COMPLETE OFMD SEASON 2 TEASER THOUGHTS AND SPECULATION POST™

Okay, to start off, I cannot BELIEVE we got this. I cannot BELIEVE we got a voiceover of Stede's note to Ed. We were all thinking it. We were all hoping for it. I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LEGITIMATELY GOT TO SEE AND HEAR HIS LOVE RIGHT OFF THE BAT. HE LOVES HIS ED SO SO MUCH.

Followed by this shot right as Stede is narrating. It's difficult to tell, but it seems like Ed??? The one-armed jacket and the fact that it's layered with Stede's narration makes me quite certain it's him. But ALONE??? AND COMING OUT OF THE SURF??? (There's a shot later that has me PARTICULARLY raising eyebrows at this moment. I'm thinking that he fell off the boat/was lost in that one storm shown later, and Stede of course is going to dive in after him or attempt to get to him in some sort of dramatic way. Which makes me think he and Stede are going to potentially talk feelings/reconcile on the beach)

And the fight choreography of this. Are you actually kidding me right now. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. GETTING TO SEE ED ABSOLUTELY KICKING ASS IN COMBAT??? NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS DID I EXPECT TO SEE A SHOT LIKE THIS BUT I'M HOLLERING SO HARD OVER IT (NOT TO MENTION, AGAIN, LOOKING AT THIS AND A LATER SHOT..........I'LL SCREAM ABOUT MY THOUGHTS WHEN SAID SHOT APPEARS HSKDLS)

Oh, they're PINING pining. They're YEARNING yearning. They're GAY gay.

They want to be back with each other so so so bad I'm losing my mind <3

"Fuck you, Stede Bonnet." The way he's JUST as dramatic as we were all thinking. The way he's hurting in a way WE ALL ANTICIPATED. LIKE, YOU HATE TO SEE IT, BUT MAN DSJKLDSSDKL. Also, the contrast of him saying that vs Stede's voice over is so so insane. The editors are INSANE FOR THAT ONE.

AGAIN, GOING BONKERS OVER ED'S CHARACTERIZATION BECAUSE HE SEEMS EXACTLY HOW I ANTICIPATED. Outwardly, angry, hardened, and cold. Inwardly, heartbroken, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to be back with Stede. Because hello, HELLO, HE'S NOTCHED WHAT I ASSUME TO BE HIS NUMBER OF DAYS WITHOUT STEDE IN THE WALL??????

HI OLU HELLO OLU MY DEAR DARLING OLU

but also screaming and crying and throwing up because this is ALSO what i was anticipating/hoping for. the crew being like "ummmmm lmao captain?? you really think you've got this under control???"

"You think Blackbeard's going to murder you?" I THINK NOT BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EVEN SHOOTING AT JSLDKS. OFF TO THE SIDE??? A WARNING SHOT????? Also the lighting of this and his look matches the ending shot so I'm very eyes emoji at this entire thing.

HOWEVER...

"MURDERER THRICE OVER?????????????"

Like sorry, that sign won't stop me because I can't read. Look at him. LOOK at him. You're telling me he stole the wedding cake toppers so he could PAINT HIMSELF ON THE BRIDE??? SO HE COULD MAKE HIMSELF INTO THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE HE WANTS TO BE????? SO THAT HE COULD PLAY PRETEND MARRIAGE BETWEEN HIMSELF AND STEDE???????

INSANE!!!

INSANE FOR THIS!!!!!!

Again, bonkers editing. The split screen. The CONTRAST between Stede's hopefulness and Ed's depression. The WAY THEY LINED IT UP TO MAKE ED LOOK LIKE HE'S TAKING AIM AT STEDE. THE WAY THIS PROBABLY PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATES THEIR CHARACTERIZATION IN THE FIRST FEW EPISODES HSDJKLSDS LIKE BITING THE EDITORS BITING THEM BITING THEM

ALSO ED AND ALL OF HIS GUNS,,, NINE GUNS???????

It kills me because he's probably being exactly what he thinks people see him as. He's probably like "Oh, you want a monster? I'll give you a monster."

WHICH,,,, NO, HONEY. YOU'RE A SWEETHEART, SORRY ABOUT IT.

AND THEN LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT OUR DARLINGS!!! FANG'S FUCKING SPIKES ARE SO METAL. FRENCHIE'S WOLVERINE COSPLAY SHDJKLSHDLKS. JIM!!! JIM JIM MY BELOVED JIM, AND THEIR PAINTED BEARD. THEIR GENDER!!!!!!!

Honey hsdksjds the drama of it all. THE DRAMA. CRASHING WEDDINGS TO DISRUPT LOVE BECAUSE YOUR OWN WAS DISRUPTED??? SIIIIIIRRRR THE THEATRICS, THE SPICE OF IT ALL

excuse me ma'am that is a gay man shdkjshkls THAT IS A GAY MAN. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING,,,

kiss me instead like wtf

OKAY NOW THIS,,,

THIS.

PRESIDENTIAL ALERT: THE BABYGIRL IS FIGHHHTTTTIIIING

BUT IZZY WATCHING ON??? IZZY????????????

I have Genuine Thoughts™ about this. I have a feeling that the big arc/character development Con mentioned might pertain to him like, REALIZING what's important, and what Ed actually wants and needs. And a good chunk of that will be him realizing the consequences of his actions, and maybe potentially wanting to undo the damage. And also, in his Bitchy Izzy Ways™, he might also get very very tired of Ed's sulking/theatrics and want to rectify things for that reason too.

So I feel like he's going to sort of team up with Stede and show him the ropes for that reason?? So they ALL can work towards betterment???

WHICH IS NUTS LMAO. NEVER EVER EXPECTED THAT.

REGARDLESS, GO STEDE BABY GO!!!

HI REVENGE HELLO REVENGE PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE EXPLODE OR ANYTHING PLEASE BABYGIRL <3

yeah yeah the titties we've all seen them.

BUT AGAIN, AGAIN, STEDE OFF TO THE SIDE. STEDE WATCHING. STEDE LEARNING THE ROPES FROM THE MOST UNEXPECTED PERSON EVER SHDJKSDS LIKE WHAT!!!

AND HEEEEEEERE WE GO. HERE'S THE SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER.

THE SAME BLACK SAND BEACH. FIGHTING THE BRITISH. ED AND STEDE. ED WITHOUT HIS MAKEUP ON. STEDE IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT.

ARE THEY BOTH,,, FIGHTING TO GET TO EACH OTHER??? FIGHTING THROUGH CROWDS AND ENEMIES TO GET TO EACH OTHER'S SIDES???????

WHAT IF THEY FIGHT TO EACH OTHER AND THEN KISS HUH???

WHAT THEN.

HIIIIIIYYYAAAA JACKIE <33333

ALSO HELLO IS THAT THE SWEDE BEHIND HER???????

EXPLOSIONS FIRE EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS FEELING VERY WEE JOHN CODED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

AND THIS IS YET ANOTHER SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER,,,

LIKE UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WITH ED ON THE BEACH, AND THIS SHOT OF SOMEONE FALLING INTO THE WATER,,,,,,

I HAVE A FEELING THAT ED IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT ENDS WITH HIM FALLING OFF THE BOAT. MAYBE HE TRIES TO SAVE SOMEONE???

if he fights to save stede from going overboard or something equivalent i'm going to eat all the tiles off my floor <3

LIKE IT'S BAD BESTIES. IT'S BAD. IT'S DIRE. THE WATER IS SO FUCKING HIGH AND THEY'RE IN A STORM AND JIM IS SCREAMING AND I AM ALSO SCREAMING!!!

But then also, LOOK AT FUCKING WEE JOHN!!! IN DRAG!!! HE'S A FUCKING MERMAID!!! JIM ISN'T A MERMAID???? WELL, THAT'S FINE--WEE JOHN IS!!! LIVING HIS BEST FUCKING LIFE!!!!! AND WHAT IF HE MADE THAT COSTUME HIMSELF SJDKSDJLS <3

AND THE FINAL SHOT I'M CHOOSING, THE FINAL ONE OF THE SET,,, MATCHES UP WITH THAT LIGHTING EARLIER.

WHO ARE WE FIGHTING, ED BABE. WHAT'S THE TEA. WHO ARE YOU CLOBBERING.

IS IT US?

IT'S PROBABLY US.

BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE THING HAS ME SO SO SO DEAD Y'ALL

[deancaspinefest]

Another Kind of Memory

Author: FriendofCarlotta | Artist: Aggiedoll

Posting on Wednesday March 20

Since a traumatic incident six years ago, Castiel Novak’s face has been disfigured by a scar. He’s resigned himself to being someone people can barely stand to look at, let alone love. Except his heart doesn’t seem to have gotten the message. When Dean Winchester takes over the convenience store down the street from Castiel’s bookshop, Castiel falls helplessly in love with his new neighbor. To make matters worse, Castiel’s sister Anna is also interested in Dean. Believing that Dean could never love him, Castiel decides to help Anna win his heart instead.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Hey,” Dean says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Just… wanted to say hi.”

“Oh. Hi,” Castiel says, one hand fluttering nervously down his face and across his hair in an attempt to ensure he’s looking presentable. The tips of his fingers catch on the ugly, jagged ridge of his scar, and he remembers that “presentable” stopped being an option six years ago. He clears his throat and arranges his face in the polite mask of a consummate customer service professional. “Anything I can help you find?”

“Um.” Dean looks uncertain now, as though it’s a question he wasn’t expecting — despite the fact that it’s easily the most predictable question one could be asked in a bookshop. “I don’t know. I was just gonna browse, I guess.”

This is the point in a customer interaction where Castiel would usually withdraw, because “I’m just browsing” is universal bookstore code for “leave me the fuck alone.” But Dean doesn’t give any sign of wanting to walk away. Instead, he simply hovers in front of Castiel’s armchair, eyes gliding aimlessly (and somewhat helplessly) across the shelves to his right.

“What sort of things do you like to read?” Castiel finds himself asking, because it’s impossible not to take pity on a grown man who is capable of looking so bashfully lost.

“Anything,” Dean says. One of his hands flies to the back of his neck, rubbing at it. There’s something terribly endearing about the gesture — perhaps the fact that it makes him look like a boy who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Belatedly, it occurs to Castiel that it’s his turn to speak. His prolonged silence appears to have made Dean nervous, because he’s speaking again, a little too quickly to be altogether natural. “I know that sounds stupid. Like those people who say they like all kinds of music — which I don’t, by the way, just to be clear. Big classic rock fan. Zeppelin, the Stones. Metallica too, which I guess is classic rock these days and fuck, that’s kind of depressing. But, yeah. Anyway. Pretty much anything. Love Vonnegut and Kerouac, but I’ve read just about all their stuff. I’ll read sci-fi, horror, mysteries… actually, I guess I should say I read all kinds of fiction. Non-fiction kinda puts me right to sleep. My brother, Sammy, he’s a big fan though. Crazy about true crime for some reason.” Dean blows out a heavy breath. He abruptly seems to realize he’s scratching at his neck and lowers his arm back down, fingers twitching as if unsure what to do with themselves now. “You probably didn’t need to know all that, huh?”

“No, this is helpful,” Castiel says, getting up. “I’ll show you the layout of the store so you can see which shelves you might be most interested in.”

Somehow, Dean’s shyness makes him feel more at ease. When he first laid eyes on Dean, he thought someone as handsome as Dean must be a smooth and confident conversationalist. But he doesn’t seem to be, and somehow, that makes it easier for Castiel to hold up his own end of the conversation.

Or maybe it’s just that Dean doesn’t know how to talk to someone like Castiel. He wouldn’t be the first one.

(continue reading on Ao3 on Wednesday March 20)

[allamericansbitch]

since y'all seemed to want this.... here's the live notes i took while listening to each song for the first time (bold are thoughts i had during later listens)

fortnight: 

‘i was a functioning alcohol till nobody noticed my new aesthetic’ what the fuck does that even mean…

love the fact she gave post the female collab treatment. don’t wanna hear what he has to say. 

they’re voices sound actually good together? 

some pockets of the melody are catchy

okay i don’t hate this 

ttpd:

her red flags are on fire in this song lol

this seems very half-cooked

also jacks weird mixing continues to plague us all

CHARLIE PUTH???? WHAT THE FUCK WHY HE HERE

tattooed golden retriever??? ……no way

my boy breaks all his favorite toys:

i blinked and it’s half over

this also is like… half cooked and didn’t need to be released tbh

i love the way she sings the second verse tho

down and:

the production does not match the vibe

did tpain produce this

i’m… kinda bored lol

like i have nothing to say this also didn’t need to be released tbh 

this grew on me a lot actually

so long london 

the production is so futuristic? 

oh im obsessed with how she sounds on this one

her talk-singing in the verses is great

honest lyrics without any clunky unnecessary metaphors! a win!!

the fast-paced verses with th slow chorus is really really cool

a favorite so far

daddy i love him

i can barely hear her? the bad mixing continues 

‘growing up precociously sometimes means not growing up at all’ oh yeah WE KNOW

is this…… is this about her dating matty and loving how people hate him… no fucking way she’s this stupid

SHE IS BEING THIS STUPID

‘it’s white noise’ yeah yeah that’s exactly how id describe him  

.... anyway y'all remember when fans really believed the little mermaid theory and this song was supposed to be about how 'joe stole her voice' lmaooo

we will pretend this one doesn't exist!

fresh out the slammer

are we getting another ‘i didn’t cheat technically’ song lol

what is this weird tempo change….

okay kinda catchy

it’s sounds exactly like you are in love at the end….. jack is really out of tricks

florida

‘my friends all smell like weed or little babies’ what the fuck is she even talking about anymore 

i’m sorry but i’m laughing at the phrase ‘fuck me up florida’

again the production sounds so detached from the vocals 

i honestly still have no idea how i feel about this one

guilt as sin

an real instrument?? wow crazy 

okay she’s kinda cute? catchy and fun, love the melody

i love when she goes up at the end of the vocal 

okay…. i don’t mind this one she’s catchy, a little too long and drawn out but cute

who’s afraid of little old me?

what is this production? it’s way too soft to be as threatening as they’re trying for 

why did jack push her vocals back so far when she’s supposed to scream…. that’s ruins the whole thing…. she’s supposed to be screaming and threatening….. not quiet and far away…. hello

this song is trying very hard to be threatening but it’s not... vigilante shit 2.0

‘you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum they raised me’…………… upper middle-class pennsylvania? 

‘i’m drunk on my own tears isn’t that what they all say, that’ll  sue you if you step on my lawn’ okay bar?

the bridge was good but that’s about it.

i can fix him 

…………… not another matty song oh god

‘i can handle a dangerous man’…… im too stunned to speak this is so embarrassing 

wow taylor really is that girl who like ‘women supporting women’ and then dates/defends a racist bf…. a walking example of white feminism

intersectional feminism found dead.... twice....

loml

okay this is really nice? 

I WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE SONG WHY DID SHE RUIN IT BY SAYING ‘MR STEAL YOUR GIRL’ 💀

if we ignore that one line we're good this is good. im refusing to let that line ruin such a good song

i can do it with a broken heart

‘bitch smile’ why are there so many cringey lyrics on this album lol

what is this song omg why do i kind of like it 

taylor please learn depressed isn’t a synonym for sad 

they recycled the mastermind production 

wait till taylor finds out most of the entire world is sad while they're doing their job and has to pretend they're not

smallest man who ever lived 

oh i think i like this?

‘you said normal girls were boring’ GIRL AND YOU DIDNT IMMEDIATELY GET UP AND LEAVE??? EWWWW??? she's not beating the pick-me allegations

'i just wanna know if rusting my sparking summer was the goal' okay love that line

i like this a lot

the alchemy

no….. no way this is real

i cannot

THE SPORTS METAPHORS WE JOKED SHED DO THAT AND SHE ACTUALLY DID IT OH NO 

touchdown ✅ teams ✅ benches ✅ winning streak ✅ the league ✅

she’s doing…… the worst thing ever this is so laughable 

the corny lyrics are on overload 

‘this time it’s heroine with an e’ didn’t she write folklore? i can’t remember 

that literally was an snl parody of a taylor song

clara bow

love how the guitar sounds… bet money this is an aaron track 

a stevie nicks reference!! a win!!!

i like this one a lot no cringey lyrics yet

nope never mind she name-dropped herself don’t like that

overall really liked it tho

the black dog

i think i like it?? this is kind of what i expected the album to be

okay for once the weird production choices kind of pay off

imgonnagetyouback

kinda catchy? 

she loves a fancy car getting wrecked line

the pre-choruses are the best part 

this would’ve been better without the jack of it all bc he loves a song that doesnt build to anything

this just comes down to personal preference: i don’t like her lighter vocals with jack’s heavy production (ie most of lover lol)

the albatross

a real instrument!!! production that matches taylor’s voice and is well mixed!!! aaron’s arrived!! 

i think it’s solid, has good writing and she sounds great. that's about it.

chloe or sam or…

took me a solid minute to have any semblance of a fuck to know what was going on but okay

okay i love this one

wayyyy more emotive than like… most of the original album

a lot of the 2nd version (or whatever this is lol) are way more emotive, maybe because her voice isnt drenched in reverb so we can actually hear her voice emote better

how did it end

this sounds like an old school adele song? 

i love this one too…. 

her being upset people wanna know what happened but then also feeding it while promoting the album oop 

i love the story of this one it's so refreshing

so high school

THE PRODUCTION is so good ugh aaron never fails 

the man here is a walking red flag girl and the lyrics are ~not it~ but the production is too pretty to hate it

fuck these lyrics are so bad lol

maybe if i disassociate hard enough i can ignore the lyrics and just listen to the production and vibe

give me a karaoke version of this song and we'd be so back

i hate it here

i mentioned disassociation and she made a whole song about it!!!! this one’s mine!!!! 

‘without all the racists’ GIRL HUH

WHAT WAS THE REASON

also... girl don’t act like we don’t know you’re fine with that lololololol

if i had a dime for every time i was liking a song to then have it slapped away because of a bad, out-of-pocket lyric…… 

thank you aimee

this isn’t grabbing my attention 

oh the bridge is interesting 

it’s meh 

i will never be thanking the people that bullied me thanks tho

i look in peoples windows 

what do you mean aaron didn’t produce this??? it’s well-made and has instruments? 

i love this one, again a really interesting and unique concept that's very refreshing to hear at this point when a lot of the songs feel repetitive

the prophecy

aaron guitar!!!! 

she’s nice i like her 

i've really grown to love how she sings this one, the melodies are cool.. however i feel like we've heard the same melody.. like on this exact album... where she upturns at the end of every line...

cassandra 

this seems very…. familiar… idk i feel like we’ve covered this (i mean there are 31 songs we’ve already covered everything lol)

this is such an aaron song, that's a classic 'the national' piano

i like her voice in this one tho, sounds good

peter

oh love i love this

now this? THIS feels the most like a taylor swift song

once again she’s at her best with a simple instrument and emotive simple lyrics

the piano reminds me of champagne problems

the bolter 

i like this! the chorus is so cute

oh i like that ending line a lot!

she’s cute, a little long and drawn out but cute

robin

i haven’t seen anyone talk about this one

welp…. i literally have no feelings toward this one but sounds pretty! 

the manuscript

oh this is soooooooo powerful 

i love this concept 

her ending the album on another introspective album that sums everything up a la dear reader yep yep!!

if you actually read of this ily 💗

[matrixbearer2024]

Get Off My Screen Series Headcanons:

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates guys! Currently working on two interludes I'll be posting back to back later so for now- have some headcanons I have for both Vox and Reader! Btw, if you guys have scenarios you still want to see with Reader being alive- you can send those in! I'll try writing drabbles for them if ever.

Knowing Vox, he had snooped around your stuff and files when you were alive.

From sorting your files because of the haphazard arrangement-

To straight up just leaning everything he could about you.

He'd saved a few of your pictures over the time you both got to know each other better.

At the start, he was just curious and nonchalant.

Cuz I mean, he's talking with a living soul?

That's gotta be worth something right?

But in trying to get closer to manipulate you-

Vox ended up actually becoming your friend.

Your sassy and spitfire nature kept him interested, kind of like a game.

You didn't take his shit and neither did he with yours.

At first he thought you were just insufferably annoying and acted accordingly.

Then it would shift ever so slowly to him just expecting your antics.

Then him looking forward to them.

It was a ray of sunshine in his otherwise monotonous and frankly very depressing afterlife.

Also his tiny desktop pet in your computer?

That existed solely because he was irritated enough that you had the gall to download another digital companion.

Bring it up though and he'll just blow you off in flustered anger.

The internet search engines like Google, Firefox, bing- etc. were accessible to him on your gadgets, but not social media.

So he couldn't mess with your friends, which was why they didn't know about him even until your premature death.

Well, they do kinda know about him-

As that odd online friend of yours that you were always talking to or subconsciously about.

Similarly on Vox's end, despite his dumbass being terminally online-

He somehow ends up on his phone even more because of you.

Valentino is expectedly pissy about it.

Especially because Vox won't actually explain what's going on.

Over the months Vox got invested into your relationship-

His on-off with the pimp shifted into a more permanent off.

Like, at the start things would be practically the same-

But over time he'd sleep with Val less and less.

To the point he didn't let the moth touch him if he knew there were any sexual undertones.

Vox didn't see the point in partaking in something he didn't want to be in.

You on the other hand went through your fair share of crushes and blind dates.

Something that irked the overlord slightly, even if he didn't know why at the time.

His possessivenessprotectiveness only got worse after you both started talking via your TV.

He'd slightly wanted to have a proper conversation between you two that wasn't just texting.

Vox was also prone to blowing up your phone at random points in the day when he was bored.

Or when he saw you weren't giving him enough attention.

Wouldn't ever admit it but he likes being the center of your attention.

He's already got the eyes and ears of so many people with his shows and his media-

But you're like the one person he actually feels seen with.

It also helps that you don't let his bullshit fly.

You weren't ever scared of him despite the guy being a demon overlord.

What was the worst he could do?

Corrupt your files and destroy your gadgets?

That stuff was replaceable, didn't matter much.

Vox has stuck his hand in your playlist a couple times when he's busy working.

Mostly because he didn't have the time to properly talk but inadvertently missed you.

That and he'd usually check your playlist to gauge your mood.

There was a couple of times he'd been utterly confused why you had such a depressing song as your most played when you seemed happy as all hell.

He just chalked it up to another one of your odd behaviors.

Calls you doll/dollface by default but traverses into other more endearing petnames as you guys get closer.

You think nothing of it, assuming it's just him playing up his charisma but Vox kind of wishes you would give it some thought.

After all, he doesn't do that normally to anyone.

Well, not unless he's trying to manipulate them or get in their pants.

But with you, it was genuine.

He'd absolutely buffer or glitch if you ever gave him a cute petname though.

It's why you simply stick to just giving him names that made fun of his odd features.

Samsung, flatscreen, TV man-

He's gotten used to it.

But jokingly call him babe or dear and he will die.

Vox also loves your eyes, it was straight up just so easy to read you just by meeting your gaze.

Can and will get lost in his thoughts looking at you but often catches himself in time to stop.

Has kind of deluded himself into the 'just friends' mentality.

Mostly out of his hesitance and unwillingness to accept he'd truly and totally fallen for you.

Vox doesn't remember the last time he felt genuine love for someone and that scares the socks off him-

You on the other hand just legitimately have no idea your attraction to the guy alreardy borders on romantic.

Quite literally everyone can see it aside from you two.

When you get down to hell, Vox actually has to adjust to the fact you're down there-

Even if it's just for a really stupid reason-

He's just the slightest bit relieved you hadn't gone to heaven where he wouldn't be able to reach you anymore.

It's a selfish reason, but Vox is inherently a selfish person so it doesn't bother him too badly.

[olderthannetfic]

Okay so this is going to be kind of rant-y, sorry about that.

So I've seen everywhere on tumblr that "AO3 is not safe anymore because the admins are 'zionist fuckers', let's boycott it!!!!!🍉🍉🍉🍉" And for the love of god a lot of people didn't provide any proof, just threw a tantrum. Finally found the link to the closed reddit post, and could finally see what this ruckus is. And... am I the only one who thinks this "boycott" is for nothing?

Like this is the same like "why donate to AO3 when [insert event] happens?" AO3 puts all the money they got from donations into maintaining the site, nothing will change. The funny thing is that that mod who started this ruckus could have just write "I stand with palestine" in their status, and that would have been fine. At least that's what I've seen from the second screenshot:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AO3/comments/186iepg/what_are_you_guys_thoughts_on_this/

Also the link to that mod's post here:

https://www.tumblr.com/just-antithings/741760056082808832/the-otw-being-actively-chockfull-of-zionists-who?source=share

And I also hate this whole emotional abuse tactic these political people use. "If you don't reblog at least one post about palestine and mutilated bodies you don't even care about the war. It doesn't matter if your blog is only fandom related, share it or you're a disgusting zionist!!!!!!" And I fucking hate this. I won't post about this because Ao3 and Tumblr are fandom spaces for me. I come here and there to escape from the cruel real world. So fuck these entitled assholes, I won't post those things. I donate to civil organisations who help the civils in war, and that's it. I go on with my life.

--

My feeling was and remains that a lot of people volunteering for AO3/OTW seem to be unaware that it is very, very normal for workplaces to ban all off-topic contentious conversation no matter how justified, true, etc.

I've mostly not been posting asks that mention I-P stuff because it just blows up and is depressing. It's not a shock that OTW wasn't interested in hosting that conversation in their space for planning actual OTW work.

[asmolfolk]

Look who is back? Back with some headimagines... (?) Yeah. This time with 3 characters... All of them being humans in SNV... Buuut, the next one I'm doing is going to have 7 characters [Gods] I'm very happy to see that my last post about Snv x reader got 500+ likes, thank you all very much! Hope you all like this one too! And also, I might do a part 2 of the Snv as boyfriends, after all, we got some others interessing characters to see. Disclamer: Reader as a Human [GN]

The Humans noticing that they are in love.

They had a good number of partners, wifes or whatsoever... But, when they meet you - they trully had falled in love.

Qin Shi Huang

[TW: Reader being someone from the Future uuuuh]

Qin Shi Huang had a wife and numerous concubines. He knows love, he knows lust, he knows passion… He knows and can actually understand those feelings very well.

After his win, he was being treated and started to look at some people… But, he couldn’t find the ones he was looking for… Unfortunately…

 But then, he met you… Yes, meet you - The one and only human from 2000+ or less. He was quite surprised to see you… Like, those outfits seem comfortable… Can he try it? 

 He would be so INVESTED in knowing you better, especially to understand why you died!... After all, this future seems like a paradise, doesn't it?

 He was surprised when you explained what got wrong in your path… And why you decided to do it, you weren’t caring about that matter… It was like, saying ‘I like [animal]’. You were already dead and maybe, the human race is going extinct… So what’s the point of hiding? - Your answer made him… Speechless.

 He never thought that people were so depressed… He is rethinking a lot of his decisions… Did he do that accidentally? No? Yes?

 Well- After all those talks, he felt a sort of connection with you… Yes, in that little time. He wasn’t someone that needed a lot of things to fall in love with… So, he actually liked your company a lot and started to always be at your side. He watched the others fight at your side.

 Holding your hand, he would bluntly say “...I love you, let’s get married!”

 …Well, you are in the afterlife… Why not get married and show some love to those gods? After all, the goddess of Marriage and the goddess of Love will be by your side… I guess-

Other headcanon [TW: Death.]

 You two meet in life… But, why? Why did you accept being at his side?... It was only for love. You loved him and with that love, you swore to protect and to be loyal forever… You were his guard, his favorite… But wasn’t his lover.

 He accepted you, but not your love… He didn’t know, after all.

 You spend all your life years by his side, fighting, helping, caring… You tried to be the best for him… To try to make his eyes be locked on you - poor you, you never got the chance…

 They [Concubines and Wifes] always seemed to get more attention than you, which made you wish to be one of them. You wanted to be more than a guard, a friend… But, no… You wouldn’t.

 Before you could ask for this, you would die… And you knew that.

 You sighed… You were 31 days in a crazy sickness, no doctor seemed to know what was happening to you. No doctor seemed to know how to heal you… With that, the last doctor declared that you were probably going to die from that sickness.

 Qin Shi Huang was right by your side when he heard that… He was holding your hand tightly - as he wasn’t letting the gods take your soul.

 “You are sure…?” He asked the doctor, not wanting to wait more.

 “I’m super sorry, my lord… But, it seems to be the truth here… But, they probably have some more days…” As Qin and the doctor talked, you could only look at his face… Admire the last time you could see him “I’m going to leave you two alone.”

 As the doctor was away, Qin stared at you… He was silent for a good minute… Before he started.

 “You… Are dying…” He repeated, those words coming broken out of his mouth.

 “...Yes, it seems like I am.” You confirmed, he was surprised that you weren’t reacting like him - worried. “...Qin, I know I’m dying right now… And I probably don’t look like the best option to… You know, get married and-”

 “What are you saying?! You are still beautiful…” He answered quickly.

 “...I wanted to say… I love you, I feel things for you that a guard shouldn’t… That a Friend shouldn’t.” You closed your eyes, waiting for his answer... If only your eyes were open - You would see his flustered face, how surprised he was!

 “...I… Feel the same way.”

 The declaration was the last thing you thought that you would do… But no. He got married to you, made a whole ceremony for your wedding… And then, your funeral. At least, you could spend the rest of your days with him.

 Unfortunately, you waited until your death to do so.

They never thought about romance, but they had standard... And you meet all of them, congrats - They are in love with you or better, you and science don't get off his head.

Nikola Tesla

[TW: Nikola being oblivious to himself]

Let's get one thing straight: Nikola always had some eye for... Partners. He was never interested in love, always occupied with his work - Let's say that he loved his work. Nikola never thought too much about it, as some wikis say - 'He dedicated all his life to scientific work and he couldn’t let his thoughts “wander” into romantic fantasies.'

Okay, firstly… He wouldn’t notice it at all. Nikola never thought too much about love only when some journalist started asking him about his lovelife and everything… Or even, asking if he had someone special. For some reason, you were the one that appeared on his mind… But why? Why you? Maybe it was the way that you made it clear - not only to him but to anyone else that you had your priorities, that you studied hard to accomplish what you were nowadays… To show your intelligence, even in such a hard era for a woman, you were there.  You and him had a lot of intelligent and thoughtful talks… It was amazing for him. He couldn’t quite notice, but he was waiting to meet you again every day. But for him to notice? Well, that wasn’t easy. If you didn’t confess to him first - it would be in one [different] way. He noticed that he could remember all of your features… Even a dot - That you were in his mind as much as math!... Well, he noticed that something was wrong with that, he tried to ask you in a way that wasn’t too obvious.

“Look… I will give you an example that a… Friend of mine is passing by, alright?” Yes, he used the ‘Friend that isn’t him, believe it please’ trick.

“...Hm… Seems like gossip… Loved it, tell me everything!” You joked and just waited for his words.

“...Well, my Friend is thinking a lot about this one person… And like, this person is almost 100% of the time on his mind! His work and this person are frequently topics… He always tries to give up sometime to be with that person, even if he is with too much work because… This person seems to calm him down, just to be around… This person was enough to make my Friend calm.“ You were surprised, you never thought that this would happen…

“Oh… My… You are truly gossiping!! Okay, okay… That seems like… Love, yeah, he is in love.” You answered right away making Nikola be in complete shock “So does this person know? Because, like, depending on their reaction… They can be in love with him too.”

“...It’s complicated… They seem like really good friends.”

“Some things seem one way but aren’t like that completely, you should know that, Dear Nikola.”

 His mask falled, he couldn’t bear to think anymore. Hearing your nicknames, your words… Everything was repeating in his mind… Do you have the same thought? Do you love him too?

 He was in shock at first, but everything seemed to make sense after finding out about love. He could only smile to himself, thinking about a way to… Show this love for you.

 Nikola notices it now, the reason why he feels his heart drops when he sees you sad - why he feels happy when you are, why he wants to see you happy and well… Why does he think about you all the time. He wants you, but - he wouldn’t force himself on you - He needed to form a good confession.

So, he would start to make a lot of mathematical accounts to see which version would work the best or, the one that was chosen by the math… [Spinning wheel, is that you?]

 In a resume, if you don’t clarify to him that what he is feeling is love - he may not ever know, only if his curiosity speaks louder.  He doesn’t care about those feelings too much, so… Yeah, he can just spend the rest of his love without knowing that he loved you-  But one thing is sure, he would try to search and understand more of this feeling before knowing what that was - he knew love, of course, but never thought too much about it… And, as he is planning, a nice relationship with you would need his understandment about love, relationship and stuff.

When confessing.

 Nikola was on his desk, writing something that seemed important on some papers. He was tired, but not enough to make him sleep.

He heard your steps and quickly said "You may come in." before you could ask anything, he let you in. As you entered, you noticed how tired he looked… And quickly runned to him.

"Nikola?! Are you alright?" You asked as you were at his side "You seem so tired… Did you work all day?" You touched his face, taking off his attention completely… He looked at you as you kept talking about his well-being.

 You were worrying, touching his face and showing so much love and affection… He didn't want to confess yet… But he couldn't hide it.

"I love you." He said, without hesitation or regrets "I was thinking about it for the past months… I couldn't sleep properly today… I had prepared some… Things… For this confession, but… I couldn't bring myself to lie about what I'm passing."

 You didn't make him wait for an answer, kissing him as a yes… That was the start of this romantic math exercise.

Only experience love once and it was false, they thought that love was dead... Until they meet you - Unfortunely, was so late... My fair lady, they wouldn't let you mix with their sickness.

Jack The Ripper

[Tw: Angst - Reader is called by 'My fair lady'.]

Jack didn't know that someone could be so gentle on the inside and outside, he is totally obsessed with your colors, he doesn't really want to kill you - Your colors are beautiful without him doing a thing or so. But, his mother was like that too… So would you change with him? SHORT ANSWER, NO. You didn't change with him at all, even if you were bored or angry, you still treated him right and when you did something wrong, you apologized deeply. He thinks that you are a pure soul, someone that the gods send to try to "fix" him. Yet, he doesn't want that… The thing is that, there's nothing wrong with what he does (In his head, at least) and yes with his past, but that was necessary for him to show true and pure faith, painting everyone with the most beautiful color ever. All he - Jack - wants is to help keep your good soul, so when someone tries to get advantage on you - He kills, no question asked… He just straight up kills that person. He knows that he wasn't supposed to do this, but what could he do when you were his muse? No one would let their lover die… Even if that "lover" didn't know about this 'relationship'.  He wouldn't let you know about his own feelings, he wouldn't want you to dirty your mind or hands knowing that he kills. That he is full of malice.  Because of that, you may tell people about your friend… And maybe about the people who died mysteriously - After all, you didn't know that The Ripper was responsible for those acts.

"Hmm… I'm so tired!" You said, while letting the book (that Jack was teaching you with) fall to the ground "Why is that so complicated?!"

"Don't worry, my fair lady… Is going to be over soon." Jack said with a short laugh, he nodded with his head as you groaned "I know, it can be pretty hard."

"Hmph! It's as hard as a rock, I don't want to study more - Can we do something else, pretty please?" You knew that Jack couldn't say no to you? Or you just tried anything that came to your mind? Either way, you succeeded.

 The both of you were watching some plays in the theater.

 He - since the beginning knows what this feeling is and - will try to make you never "break" this perfect figure (And that way is, of course, killing those who dare lay a hand on you.)

 He wouldn't confirm it in his life, he wouldn't dare to say it to you… Especially when you were so happy about marriage, husband, work or traveling. He doesn't want you to believe that he was the perfect person, because he isn't - After all, he doesn't think that someone would be down to have a serial killer boyfriend.

 He wants the best for you.

When confessing.

But there he was, the winner of humanity… That was treated poorly by his own race. He smiled through all the pain he felt, it was the only thing he could do… But then… You appeared in front of him, you looked so… Young, different from him… And your colors were - still - so beautiful…

 Jack couldn't process what was happening… You were in front of him, looking at him with dreamy yet so mature eyes.

"...Jack!" You were the first one to speak, hugging him, not caring about the blood, tomatoes or anything else. "You're the winner…!"

 Jack smiled a bit, hugging you close, not wanting to let you go. " My fair lady… You're still so young…"

"...I- Well… I was considered a witch and burned… Because of knowledge… Or something" As you explain, Jack is still holding you close.

"...I'm sorry, [Your name]... If I had stopped you…"

"It's alright, Jack… At least it was fun… It was better than other women's lives… Oh! I meet some of the "new generation"! It seems so nice to actually study and have some rights!" As you spoke to Jack, you noticed how tired and sick he looked… He only smiled when he noticed you looking at him with worry.

"...I love you." He said it, after a whole life against that… He said it. He admitted that he loves you, that he wants you… After all, he is not the same…

"...I- I love you too!"

And you just made everything worth again… As darkness surrounded him.

[edenfenixblogs]

Hey, I came from your post about Night. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while now, but I’ve heard that the English version is very watered down and stripped of the original emotions that are in the Yiddish version. Do you know if there are any more accurate English translations, or if the Hebrew one is more like the original? Sorry if you’re not the right person to ask about this, you just seem quite knowledgeable

(also coming from my vent account so I don’t get any hate on main for being a Jew lol)

No worries at all, @nonbinary-vents:

I want to be clear about something: My post was aimed at goyim.

You are a Jewish person, and reading this book (especially if you haven't read any other accounts of experiences in concentration camps) may be an important thing for you to do. And I'd cautiously encourage you to do so if you feel emotionally stable. But you do not need to worry about the experience of this book feeling watered down.

If you are Jewish and not in a very stable emotional state, do not read this book. Do not cause yourself harm.

(If you are goyiscshe, you should challenge yourself and force yourself to read this book. Obviously if you are in an actual emotional/psychological crisis or dealing with the death or illness of a loved one, then you are the only goyim who has an excuse not to read this book. No matter who you are, do not read this book if it will cause you actual mental harm or drive you to somehow cause yourself physical harm. But if it will make you upset, depressed, panicked at your own failings, or other extremely unpleasant but ultimately human discomfort, then you should read this book. Jews don't get a choice about knowing this shit, because knowing this shit is how we survive. And you NOT knowing this shit is what makes it so easy for you to dismiss and target us over and over and over again. You should be uncomfortable. You should feel guilty. Because unless you're actively learning how to disentangle yourself from the antisemitism that led to The Holocaust, then you are actively participating in thee fomentation of another. And that should horrify you.)

Sure, I bet this book is even more haunting and visceral in the original Yiddish. I've spoken recently about how hard Jewish language is to translate to English.

But there is no world in which this book will feel watered down to you.

@nonbinary-vents This book will haunt you. This book will change you. This book will challenge your faith and your ability to trust people.

Remember going in that Judaism asks us not to separate ourselves from our community--not just our Jewish community, but any community in which we find ourselves. Resist the urge this book may stir within you to become insular and fearful of goyim. That is not our way. We are a part of the communities and cultures and nations in which we find ourselves. And we must do good for those communities, because that is what we are called to do. The lesson of this book for Jews is different than the lesson of this book for goyim.

The lesson of this book for Jews -- in fact, the lesson of "Never Again" for Jews -- is that we cannot ever allow this to happen to ourselves again. No, of course, I am not blaming Jews for the Holocaust and if anyone thinks that's what I'm arguing here, then they can fuck off.

The lesson of this book for Jews is that we must never again let fear hold us back from fighting for ourselves. If he world calls upon us to die, we must refuse. Refuse to put ourselves on a list. Refuse to follow our oppressors' directions to the ghetto. Refusal to get on the train or to enter the gas chamber. And we must refuse to be silent for other people's comfort. While it is a Jewish imperative to believe that every human being is capable of kindness and has inherent goodness within them, we can never again trust that the kindness and goodness they possess will ever be directed at us. There was the very understandable thought back when this all started that if we just complied--if we were just willing to suffer a little bit by moving to the ghettos or registering on the lists of Jews the Nazis demanded or carried our papers with us at all time and wore our stars just as they said --then they would eventually realize we were good citizens. They would eventually realize we were just people like them doing their best to live quiet lives and follow the rules. People believed that, if we just complied, they'd remember their humanity and our own. If we just complied and let ourselves suffer, hen maybe our friends and loved one would be safe.

But that was a lie we told ourselves.

No amount of compliance or agree-ability or self-sacrifice will ever make someone who sees Jews as evil and subhuman realize that Jews are actually just human beings like everyone else. Compliance will never ensure our safety; it will just make us easier to kill. Compliance won't make antisemites see us as human; it will only ever make them see us -- at best -- as agreeable livestock.

(although I doubt any farmer would treat their animals as cruelly as Nazis and their supporters treated us).

I am not advocating for violence. But I advocating for discomfort and defense. That is why I am on here every day writing the things I write. I will not shut up for the comfort of people who don't care about my life or my safety. And neither should you. Neither should any of us. I will not allow antisemites to co-opt our own tragedies to demonize us further while casting themselves as warriors for justice.

No, we should not take to the streets and start harming goyim. But if the day comes that they once again start to round us up, I for one will tear those Nazis a-fucking-part with my bare hands. And if they live to have children and grandchildren of their own, they will have to explain to their children and grandchildren that they got the scars on their face and the missing eyeball because the Jew they were trying to murder wouldn't submit quietly.

And if this seems like a hyperbolic and absurd hypothetical to anyone reading this? Well, yeah. It seemed like one back then, too.

(And if any goyim chose to read "Night" by Elie Wiesel because of my post, please tell me. Please engage. I cannot be emphatic enough about this. If you are willing to read night in the way I asked of you in my post, then please do reach out to me with your experience and thoughts. Because that's the whole point. Jews need you to listen and engage with us about our own suffering. We need you to consider your impact on us and to not run away from that guilt or from us. If any of you are willing to read this book in the way that I have asked of you, please please please don't keep your experience to yourself. A lot of Jews desperately need to see goysiche growth in understanding antisemitism and its affects. I don't think you can even imagine how scared and lonely we are right now)

[tsukasalvr]

Idk if your requests are open or not AAHH! But if they are:

(Possible TW in my request for mentions of depression, anxiety, commiting di3 joke)

Could you do a reader with bad depression and anixety. And maybe one day reader makes a joke about 0ffing themself and then they dont show up to school for a few days

Characters I would prefer(from TBHK): Kou, Teru, Hanako, Akane(boy)

You can add more if you like! :)

Im sorry its not very specific, this is my first time requesting something

Also sorry i know topics like these are difficult for some people <3

depressed!reader who makes su*cidal jokes

Anime/fandom: Tbhk

Characters: Kou Minamoto, Teru Minamoto, Hanako, Akane Aoi

Warnings: I don’t proofread, depressed reader, mention of suicide

A/n: just got broken up w by my pookie wookie☹️💔

Tbhk masterlist | Main masterlist

Kou Minamoto

Is immediately put off by what you’re saying and is immediately concerned, and gets even more concerned once you get together and just stares nervously at you while stuttering, not knowing what to say

“That’s so embarrassing, if that were me I would kill myself no doubt! Being so stupid like that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself!” You casually said while looking at a post on your phone.

“O-oh… umm…” Kou is at a loss for words sometimes and tries to brush it off by moving onto something happier to distract you from thoughts like those

When you make a joke that’s one day too far he genuinely seems so much more concerned and ask if you’re okay. He gets so worried about you that it’s best not to make jokes like that near him.

If you don’t show up the next day, he gets worried and is immediately trying to leave school early even though he knows Teru will berate him later for it, he needs to see you’re okay and when he arrives to your house and sees you are, he’s very serious about not making jokes like those again and is invites you to his house more often to distract yourself and is willing to help you get help

Teru Minamoto

Gives you a nervous smile when you joke about suicide and even when you you’re dating he still gives you an obvious fake smile to not hurt your feelings. He knows that outright saying that if you need someone talk to talk to can be annoying sometimes so he’ll try to subtly let you know he’s there

Whether it’s from talking about a topic of a documentary of a tragic life of some celebrity and all they needed help to having Kou telk you that you’re part of the family and that you can tell them anything when you’re over at their house

“I can’t stop messing this up! God I really should’ve taken those pills when I had the chance, what the hell!” You said angrily at the fact you couldn’t get the string through the small hole in the needle.

Teru could only smile at you, he never says anything to your ‘jokes’, but then he stops and just goes to frowning hoping that you’re not being serious

When you don’t show up the next day, he’s not super worried and just assumes you’re late but sends you messages. But after a few hours the messages become more frequent and by the end of the school day he’s running to your house scared. When he sees you’re alright, he’s pissed and says enough is enough and he’s not taking anymore jokes and is instead going to help you

Hanako

He might laugh at your jokes, but it’s only so he doesn’t worry you. He’s not an unfamiliar when it comes to stuff like this and he knows you might now want to talk about it right away so he’s fine with trying to take it slow

On the inside though, his ghostly heart is scared that you’re it joking and you’re actually being serious. He can’t bear the thought of you dying—and especially dying this way so he keeps a close eye on you and has Kou and Yashiro even make sure that you’re doing okay

“God, I’m so stupid and useless” you say with a laugh as you look at your test result and shove the paper back in your bag

Hanako stares at you, and lets out a laugh that’s believe enough. He’s conflicted on what he should do, should he ask how you’re doing? What if you lie to him? Would you even want to talk to him?

It seems as if his worries have come true when you didn’t show up to school the next day and asks if Yashiro or Kou have seen you at all and to message you on those weird electronic things. Yashiro only agrees to go to your house when Hanako asked because she too was worried about you. Hanako waits impatiently the next day and sees you and you tell him you were just feeling sick. If he could, then Hanako would definitely cry and basically forces you to promise to tell him if anything is wrong with a scared and worried expression on his face

Akane Aoi

You’re the most precious person in his life so he takes everything very serious when it comes to you. A paper cut? He’s getting ready to call an ambulance for you and is frantically asking you if you’re okay.

So joking about such topics near him immediately alarms him and hea on full protective mode with asking if you’re joking or not. He takes everything you say seriously, he cares about you a lot so to see you laugh about it, hurts him a little

“What if I jump out this window right now? I really do want to do this test!” You whined and looked over at the window that was right next to where you were sitting.

Akane had a prominent frown on his face, he knew you weren’t exactly mentally okay and you’re jokes were becoming more and more frequent

He’s on full panic mode when you don’t show up to school the next day and the worst possible outcomes are immediately coming to mind. He hopes he’s wrong and is blowing up your phone and is willing to mess up his perfect attendance streak for you, he’ll fix it later. But when he sees you overslept and your phone died because wig wasn’t charged, he’s disappointed. He knew it was getting worse if you dying was what came to mind when you didn’t show up so he pledges to help you

[softxsuki]

Hello, may I make an URGENT request, please?

Nxx boys with an s/o who isolate themselves when going through a depressive and anxiety induced episode. To the extent that they actively go out of their way to avoid people (including them), they texted them one message about it before leaving them on read) . When they check on the reader, they are super skittish and super anxious about burdening others. S/o insists that they are okay even though they are trembling to the point where they struggle to stand. S/o is anxiously fixating on being "clean" (showering and exfoliating excessively to the point their skin is kinda red, wearing a white oversized shirt ) and being "cold enough" (their place is dark, max ac, fans on max) (they are also just wearing a loose shirt and shorts trying to feel something). In addition, there are red dots on the shirt along the center of their body, indicating fresh self-harm.

(Thank you in advance, and my apologies if It's really specific and it makes you uncomfy)

Tears of Themis Boys Comfort S/O Who Tries To Isolate Themself

TW: Do not read it mentions of blood and self harm, along with poor mental state will make you feel worse, rather than comfort you!

Pairings: Luke x Gn!Reader, Marius x Gn!Reader, Artem x Gn!Reader, Vyn x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, fresh cuts, blood, depression, anxiety, poor mental state in general, isolation, feeling like a burden

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: headcanons

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: In which you find yourself going through episodes of depression and anxiety so you try to isolate yourself from the boys

[A/N: Hello! Firstly, I'm sorry that this was as soon as I could write and post this urgent request for you, but I thank you for being patient and understanding! I tried my best to include as many details as you mentioned, but I did end up leaving some out. As we can see I went a little overboard, but I hope this helps you out <3. Hope you enjoy! Depression and anxiety are so horrible to deal with, trust me I have a few episodes as well, they come so suddenly and they definitely hit hard. Reach out if you ever need to, I'm here if you need anything! <3]

Luke:

As your childhood friend, Luke notices that something is wrong the minute you begin to isolate yourself from him

You guys always hangout together, whether it be him walking you home from work, or grabbing a quick lunch together between your busy schedules, both of you always made time for each other

So when you began messaging him that you couldn’t get lunch or see him, red alerts went off in his head immediately

He just wants to make sure it’s nothing serious and wants you to know that he’s there for you if you need him, so he sends you a quick text

You do respond, but your message is short and cryptic; however, after that, all his other messages get left on read

He acknowledges that you clearly need space, so he gives it to you, sending a check-in message to you every few hours as he continues his work for the day

By the end of the day with still no response from you, he decides enough is enough, so he races over to your place

He doesn’t want to be a nuisance and seem overbearing, but he was very worried now, this had never happened before since the two of you began dating

Arriving at your home, your door is surprisingly unlocked so he lets himself in, making a mental note to remind you to not leave your door unlocked when you are home alone…

But he’s met with pure darkness in your home along with a freezing breeze

He enters your room to find you on your bed in only a t-shirt and shorts to cover you from how cold is was in there

He does internally freak out for a moment and thinks the worst–probably stares at you for a while, holding his breath, until he sees your chest rise, indicating you were indeed alive, and only then is he able to breathe again

“MC,” he calls out in a whisper, not wanting to alarm you from his sudden presence as you lie on your bed with your eyes closed in the darkness

It does spook you a bit, but you could recognize his voice anywhere as you open your eyes and question why he was there, in which he quickly scolds you for keeping your door unlocked but sighs as he sits beside you on the bed

“What’s going on?” He asks.

“Nothing, I’m fine” you say quickly

Did you really think he’d believe that? He’s a detective for crying out loud, he could spot a lie a mile away, especially when it came from you, someone he knew for so long now

As his eyes get accustomed to the dark, he notices a dark stain on your shirt and leans forward to turn your bedside lamp on–and then it becomes very clear what was going on…that was blood

“Spill, I’m all ears”

You know he means business, and you can’t exactly hide the blood from your self-harm on your shirt either, so you let it all out; how low you’ve been feeling lately, and how you got a wave of depression and anxiety out of nowhere, hence your distance from him

“I just didn’t want to burden you with all these complicated feelings that not even I can handle. You’re busy with your own work and I don’t want to distract you from that…but I’m sorry for ignoring your messages. I did read them all and I appreciate your support and allowing me some space,” you sigh, feeling bad that he ended up in this mess anyway

“You’re not a burden to me, MC. You’re my lover and my childhood friend, we have a bond unlike any other. You don’t have to pretend to be okay around me. You’ve always been there for me on my rough days, so it would be an honor to do the same for you…I love you…a lot. I hope you know that I’ll always be here for you. The second you need me, I’d drop everything to hear you out and help you through it,” Luke expresses and he reaches out to hold your hand, pulling you into his arms

And just like that you felt a little less lonely through your feelings, you could get through this

After giving you some privacy to clean up your fresh cuts, Luke spends the night with you as he feels a bit nervous leaving you alone. He’d make you some hot chocolate or any kind of drink that you’d like to warm you up as he turns the fans off and lowers the ac, throwing a blanket on you

You wanted to feel something? Well enjoy the warmth this man provides you with as he joins you under the blanket and gets lost in conversation with you for the rest of the night until you both fall asleep

Marius:

Ahh yes Marius–this man is clingy and obsessive (in a good way) so the second you leave him on read along with only telling him through text that you ‘need some space’ he’s already at your front door, knocking on it

“MC! Honey, it’s me, please let me in,” He pleads loudly. (rip to the neighbors because he’d stand there all night until you decide to let him in)

Knowing how persistent he was, you force yourself up to unlock the door before plopping back down on your sofa, allowing him to let himself in

Thankfully Marius hears your lock click and opens the door himself, but he’s a little taken aback by the darkness in your home along with how freezing it was in there

He flicks on the light by the front door, which makes you flinch from the sudden brightness, and you find him running over to your side to embrace you as soon as he sees you’re only in a t-shirt and shorts in this freezing home

Your skin is as cold as ice as he tries his best to warm you up

“What’s going on? Why is it so cold in here and why did you leave me on read?” He pouts, not letting go of you

You do push him away slightly though despite how comforting and warm it was in his arms

“Nothing, I’m fine. I like the cold”

He squints his eyes at you, knowing you were lying because you weren’t looking into his eyes

Marius inspects your condition one for time, and that’s when he notices the faint dark stains on your shirt–blood, it had to be, unless you were painting with red paint somewhere in your home, but that seemed highly unlikely

“Please let me in,” he says in a softer tone, going a little more serious

This pulls at your heart strings, Marius never got serious unless it came to his father’s company or when danger was around, but you clearly weren’t okay and that made him worry, so you decide to just open up to him

You tell him about your feelings, how you’ve been feeling really anxious and sad lately, and you also explain how you blocked him out because you didn’t want to be a burden to him

“If anyone’s a burden, it’s probably me, beautiful,” he sighs in relief, happy that he finally knows what’s been going on. “Of course filling my fathers place as CEO is a little stressful, but darling, time spent with you is my only time to be myself and to truly relax, even if that means hearing your worries and feelings. It’s my job as your boyfriend to protect you and keep you safe, but I’m failing at my job if you don’t let me in…”

He pulls you into his embrace as tears start to fall from your eyes

“Please let me be your shoulder to cry on, let me be the one who helps you feel alive, who helps you feel something. I’m your person, the one you’ll never feel alone with, just say the word and I’ll take all those burdens off your shoulders”

Slight relief fills you at his words…you really weren’t alone. These feelings didn’t have to feel as overwhelming as they did

After more hugs and a few kisses, Marius makes it his responsibility to clean your cuts up and press kisses to each of them

Afterwards, he’d order some takeout that you like as he offers you professional help if you thought you needed it (he wouldn’t force you, but he wants you to know that there are options and that was one of them) as someone big in the industry, he had many connections and he could find you the best psychiatrist in Stellis with the snap of a finger

But whatever choice you decide to make, just know that he’d support you through it all no matter what

Artem: 

Intellectual Artem has a more direct approach to helping you out

He doesn’t pick up on you isolating yourself from him that quickly, because he’s always swamped with work, and you usually give him his space anyway when he’s busy

But one weekend when he had the day off and you didn’t reach out to him first, he was a little…sad? Disappointed? Something like that

He becomes worried and messages you but you only tell him you’re fine

Every message he sends after that gets left on read, so he then catches on that you are very clearly not fine

“You can be honest with me, MC. We’re lovers…I just want to be there for you. Please message me when you get the chance,” he messages you

Artem wanted to give you your space, but he was worried. Did he do something to you without even realizing that he upset you? Were you really okay? So his plan of giving you the weekend to yourself goes down the drain as he finds himself at your front door with some homemade food he cooked at his own home and packed for the two of you to enjoy

He knocks softly at your door and clears his throat, “It’s me, Artem” he announces himself, feeling a little awkward…what if he was just overreacting? He was still pretty new to the whole dating scene after all

However, as your disheveled self peeks through the slightly open door, he knows his fears weren’t for nothing

You don’t even get a chance to speak before he’s already opening the door fully and stepping into your home

The darkness of your home along with the freezing temperature hits him like a truck as he turns back to look at you, with furrowed brows…what exactly was going on?

The light from outside illuminates just bright enough where he can see what you’re wearing, a t-shirt and some shorts. You must’ve been freezing

Needing to change the environment around you both, he places the food down and helps you close the front door, opening up the blinds to let in some natural light along the way

Seeing one of your candles nearby, he lights one up and guides you to the couch where he places a blanket over you

He’s quietly studying you, trying to piece everything together, but this is a case he can’t entirely solve on his own

“MC…” he says, not really knowing where to start. “Is everything okay?”

Clearly everything was in fact not okay, and he did notice the blood stains on your shirt, but he decides to keep his observations to himself, you’d tell him if you wanted to

“I’m great. How are you? What brings you here?” You feign interest, you weren’t in the right headspace to have casual conversation

“I know you’re probably holding back and pretending to be okay because you think you’d be a burden to me. Trust me MC, I know how to read you well, you’re my partner after all. I’d be foolish to believe those lies. It’s okay though, I won’t push you to tell me, but just know that you aren’t a burden. You’re the only one I’ve let into my life and I just want to make sure you’re happy. As your man, it’s my job to make sure you’re doing well, and it seems like I dropped the ball, so for that I am truly sorry.”

Not wanting Artem to blame himself anymore, you decide to just tell him everything that’s been going on, from everything you’ve been feeling, and why you’ve been avoiding him, as well as informing him that you self-harmed

It wasn’t like you didn’t trust him, you did, you were just scared to lose him or have him not want to deal with the baggage you carried

Your body began to shake as you explained everything and Artem quietly listened to each word, scooting closer to you as you spoke, so he could hold you, in an attempt to calm your nerves and ease your shakes

“I see…I’m sorry for not noticing sooner. Though work takes up a lot of my time, you’ll always be my number one priority. I’ll do better. I promise,” he sighs, holding you tighter to him as if you’d disappear from his grasp

Even if you reassure him that it isn’t his fault, Artem takes this very seriously and would work more on checking in on you throughout his day, no matter how busy he is

“I know you’re going through a tough time right now. I’m not sure how I can be truly helpful other than just giving you my support, but we can look for a professional's help as well if that's something you’d like to do…” He brings one of your hands up to his lips and leaves a lingering kiss to your skin, “You’re not alone, never. It’s okay to reach out for help when you need it. You can reach out to me anytime, even if you just need to hear my voice. I’ll always make time for you MC, I love you. I promise we’ll get through this together”

After everything, and once you’re a lot calmer, he’d put on a movie for you both to watch as you eat the food he brought, making a mental note to check out your wounds later on, but for now he’d try to keep things bright and hopefully distract you, even if it was just momentarily

He does take a few days off of work so he can stay by your side and give you the support you need as you decide what step you want to take next

Vyn:

Nothing slides by Vyn, this is his specialty after all

You and Vyn frequently got together to drink tea and just talk about life or go on walks at a nearby park, Vyn always made time for you at the end of his day after seeing patients all day

So when you text him to cancel your plans one evening, he already knows something is up

“Something came up, I can’t go out this week. I’ll text you when I can,” you message him

“I am coming over,” he responds immediately, pulling his things together as he heads to you

Though he does have a spare key to your place, he doesn’t use it, knowing that suddenly invading your space, especially when something was obviously going on with you, wouldn’t be a great idea

“Darling, mind letting me in? I would like to speak with you if that is alright,” he speaks calmly through the door, knowing you were probably expecting him and listening on the other side somewhere

It takes a while. It’s silent, which worries Vyn as he debates whether he should just let himself in, but his worries vanish as soon as he hears your lock click open and the door slowly creaks as you open it

“My love,” Vyn whispers, eyeing the darkness behind you as a chill hits his face from the open door, but he keeps a smile on his face, needing to remain calm and not act shocked or alarmed which could potentially scare you off or have you close your heart to him, “Can I come in?”

You nod softly and open your door wider so he can come in, you were expecting him anyway since he said he’d be over soon

Vyn is still in his doctor coat which he slings over your shoulders, noticing you’re only wearing shorts and a t-shirt when you had the ac on blast. It was freezing in your home

He turns on a small lamp, not wanting to blind you with the bright light of the room, but needing to change the feel of your home subtly

Taking a seat on your couch, he pats the spot beside him, eyeing your bloody shirt until you’re seated

“May I?” he asks, gesturing to your shirt and whether he could see the damage you made. You knew there was no hiding things from Vyn. He was used to this and probably already knew what was going on, so you hesitantly nod, sighing in defeat as you begin to shake

You were scared of what he’d say or think about you after seeing your fresh cuts…

Vyn gently lifts your shirt and takes in the sight of your cuts with a neutral expression, then walks away to get some supplies to bandage you up so they don’t get infected

When he returns with a first aid kit, he quietly and softly cleans you up before speaking again

“I am all ears if you would like to say what led you to do this? And before you say it, no you are not a burden, no I am not upset, and no I do not hate you, darling. I am still very much in love with you despite how much it pains me to see you hurt yourself like this. I would just like to understand from your perspective if you would let me in,” he smiles softly, ready to hear you out

And as if he had some kind of magic pull on you, you find yourself revealing everything to him, from the complicated emotions and episodes you’ve gone through for the past few days, to how it all led to you eventually harming yourself, so you could feel something for once…something other than your depression and anxiety

He understood now, from your isolation, to the state of your home, and your desire to feel something, hence why it was so cold in your home and why you were wearing shorts despite how cold it was. All the pieces started to come together in his head

Vyn takes your hand in his now that he finished treating your cuts, he laces your fingers together as he speaks, “I first want you to know that what you are feeling is normal. It happens to a lot of people who are not aware of how to properly cope with these intense feelings. Depression and anxiety are more common than you think, but perhaps taking matters into your own hands caused you to feel worse?”

“Perhaps,” you nod, agreeing with his words. This was something you always tried to deal with on your own, which is why you tried to isolate yourself in the first place, you didn’t want to drag anyone else into your problems, you felt this was your own burden to carry

“Now…speaking not as a psychiatrist, but as your boyfriend, I want to say I care about you more than anything in this world. You are the light of my life, the one and only person I look forward to seeing everyday, so please do not lock me out of your heart, darling. It is my actual job and my duty as your lover to ensure you are okay. But you can count on me to help you through this if you would allow it”

Whether you take his help or not, he’d still show you his love and support for whatever decision you make

After a few hugs and more chatting, Vyn would make you some tea to calm you down

He’d squeeze you into his business day if you choose to seek counseling with him…after all he’s the only person he’d trust to truly help you through this

Through the good and the bad, Vyn will always remain by your side and hear you out, even with your smallest issues

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 7/18/2023

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Hira's parents and his self-defeating tendencies

I was talking to @sorry-bonebag and @wen-kexing-apologist about what role Hira's parents might have played in creating the weirdness he displays throughout both seasons of Utsukushii Kare & Eternal. I started writing a response and it got too long and, well, now it's a post.

Before I talk about Hira's parents and the tendencies in him that they helped to create, I want to note that family of origin is just one of the influences that form us as people. Parents and caregivers have a huge influence, as do other family members. But so do peers. The bullying about his disability that Hira experiences nearly constantly is one of the biggest influences on his personality.

Hira's parents appear extremely briefly at the very beginning of the series. His mom fusses a bit about him being on his own and his dad is very "he has to take care of himself sometime" about it. We know they took him to specialists for his dysphemia, bought him his camera, etc.

Their departure is a show thing, by the way, and isn't present in the novel. In the novel they continue to live with him through high school and, if I remember correctly, part of college. But they don't play a big role in his life. The main things that happen involving them are either instances of Hira hiding things from them (or attempting to) or instances of his mother briefly, sporadically, having a big burst of worry about him. It would make sense if the show version of his parents were the same way aside from the leaving-him-to-live-alone part of things, though that’s not shown.

The rest of my thoughts are largely headcanon since I’m working backwards from his personality to guess about his formative years, but they match up with the little bit that’s shown in the series and how his parents are in the novel. I see Hira as having a self-defeating personality in a lot of ways. The typical etiology of this kind of personality (the set of conditions that lead up to it) is supposed to be a rather deprived childhood that is punctuated by occasional bursts of parental attention when the child is seen as in crisis somehow (or when they attract attention in other self-defeating ways, like intentionally getting in trouble).

This reminds me of something Nancy McWilliams writes about in Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, attributing the idea to someone named Emmanuel Hammer: “a masochistic person is a depressive who still has hope.” [I should note here that “masochistic personality” is an older term for self-defeating personality that is not meaningfully correlated with masochism in a sexual sense. I think that, despite how he might appear at first glance, Hira actually isn’t sexually masochistic or submissive. I have a whole mostly-written post about this that I hope will see the light of day eventually.] In other words, whereas the background that creates a depressive personality involves deprivation that's intense enough that the person gives up on the possibility of receiving the love they need, the self-defeating personality has had enough success with occasionally getting their needs met that they keep trying. If that’s what happened with Hira, it would be consistent with what we see of his parents in the series. We know they pulled out the stops at certain points when it comes to his dysphemia. Anyone who’s a parent can tell you how hard it is to get a good specialist to see your kid, even when they have some kind of glaring issue and you have decent healthcare access overall. The fact that they managed to get him in with a specialist is notable all on it own. (I actually have some stressful phone calls I need to make today in a similar vein, seeking specialist help for one of my kids.) They also spent a lot of money on a DSLR for a young kid. And yet they’re OK with letting him live alone and after that point remain very hands-off. It also seems like despite the attention they paid to his dysphemia during that one period, by the time of the series they’ve totally stopped trying to support him about it.

Basically, I think his parents are largely neglectful (emotionally rather than materially) but that every so often, they freak out and pay a bunch of attention to him because they perceive him to be in need of rescuing. When he was young, he probably appreciated the attention when it happened, but at the time of the series he gets those needs met in other ways and/or displaces that need for attention onto Kiyoi. The idea of seeking attention in this way maps especially well onto his relationship with Kiyoi, because he seeks Kiyoi’s attention and approval through exactly the sort of strategies typically used by people with self-defeating personalities. Here’s McWilliams again:

Reik (1941) explored several dimensions of masochistic acting out, including (1) provocation [she refers to a previous anecdote about a woman who feared angry outbursts by her partner because of experiences with her father; she would act out in ways that antagonized him in order to “get it over with”], (2) appeasement (“I’m already suffering, so please withhold any further punishment”), (3) exhibitionism (“Pay attention: I’m in pain”), and (4) deflection of guilt (“See what you made me do!”).

I can think of plenty of instances of provocation (the first type). Hira often does things he knows will make Kiyoi angry, and sometimes visibly relishes the negative attention.

One good example is the scene in Eternal where he creates a totally avoidable misunderstanding by vaguely talking about how “a divorce is going to happen” because of an affair, which Kiyoi takes to be referring to their relationship and specifically, to Hira cheating. When Kiyoi rears back to punch him, Hira protests for a moment but then says being killed by Kiyoi is actually a longstanding wish of his. It turns out it’s Naho-chan who is getting divorced because her husband cheated. Hira could easily have spoken more clearly when he brought this up by using subjects in his sentences. When he first brings up divorce, Kiyoi says, “Who are you to decide on your own without me agreeing? What dissatisfaction do you have with me?”, which makes it clear he thinks Hira is referring to something involving him. Yet Hira continues to speak without subjects when he elaborates and says the reason for the divorce is an affair. He only clears up the misunderstanding after Kiyoi has lost all patience and is (legitimately!) freaking out. There's no way this isn't, on some level, intentional.

One version of appeasement (the second type of self-defeating acting out) that McWilliams talks about is criticizing oneself before others can do so. It’s no exaggeration to say that Hira talking himself down to Kiyoi is a defining characteristic of their relationship. There are lots of examples of this but a particularly classic case is his constant refrain about being a “pebble.” His invitation for Kiyoi to “Please hit me as much as you want” after their fight in season 2 is another example of appeasement. 

It’s hard to pin down specific examples of Hira employing the third type of acting out, exhibitionism. It makes sense that it wouldn’t be, though. This is a very covert type of exhibitionism that doesn’t announce itself. I think you can observe it in subtle ways, though. For example, when Shirota dumps tomato juice on Kiyoi, a bunch of it gets on Hira as well. Afterwards, Kiyoi cleans the juice off of himself as best he can, seemingly as quickly as possible, and changes his clothes. But when he talks to Hira afterward, dried drops of juice are clearly visible on Hira’s face. Acidic juice on one’s face would probably feel uncomfortable, but he intentionally doesn’t wash it off. It’s like he’s wearing these stains as a badge of honor and proof of his mistreatment.

I think deflection of guilt, the fourth type, is less characteristic of Hira than the others. He tends to absorb guilt rather than deflecting it, blaming himself in a way that often takes the form of the self-critical form of appeasement.

I think it's worth noting that he also employs appeasement as a strategy in the hostile environment of high school. His biggest rule in school is to avoid attention as much as possible, so exhibitionism and provocation aren't acceptable options. (He does disobey Shirota in a way that could be considered provocation when the rift between Kiyoi and Shirota first starts to form, but I think that's more a case of overt rebellion.) We don't see him employ deflection of guilt, though his teacher does seem a bit more forgiving of his attack on Shirota given what he knows about Hira's experiences with bullying. But appeasement? When he can't avoid attention entirely, that is his go-to strategy. It doesn't draw much, if any, additional attention this way. He can demonstrate to people who pose a danger to him that he's not a threat and is ready to comply with their orders if it will allow him to avoid mistreatment. It's only when he finds a kind of vicarious strength in Kiyoi (see my post here for more on that aspect of Hira) that he starts to deal with the bullying in other ways.

So, yeah. Hira's parents initially formed these patterns in Hira, peers deepened them, and they came out in his relationship with Kiyoi. A big part of the shift that needs to happen in order for their relationship to last is for Hira to stop using self-defeating strategies to sneakily get his needs met by Kiyoi and start seeking what he needs openly and assertively.

Maybe now would be a good time to brush off those other in-progress Utsukare posts and try to finish them off while I have a bit of momentum, huh?

By the way, if you’re interested in my previous Utsukare posts, I have a master post here with links to everything.

[prettygirlstothefloor]

a messy review of TTPD

okay i need to preface this that i have the credentials to be able to speak my mind on her. i've been a fan since 2006. i've been a fan since i was 11 so don't get your panties in a bunch.

i think this album is messy. the production is the only thing i can really praise about it. the lead up to it and now the full release has just been so unbelievably messy. i'm going to make a continue reading for the people who still have yet to listen where i won't spoil it for you. PS. i do get mean in this. so if you're not wanting to hear critiques and criticism and taking that in, please scroll.

EDIT: this was pre-anthology release. so this is just based on the original 16 song release.

SPOILERS AHEAD

i am fully aware she is allowed to go through the grieving process of her breakup with joe. i respect that whole heartedly. i completely understand having someone in your life for such a big chunk and for them to be gone and feeling lost and alone and angry. what i don't like at all is essentially telling us in this album that she couldn't handle joe having severe depression. obviously i don't know everything that went down but it seems as though he didn't want to get married until he felt mentally better. and as someone who is also in the same boat as him, i also wouldn't want to fully commit to marriage until i felt like i could give them 100%. and if that's his biggest crime, being too depressed, then that's a her problem. being depressed is not all "haha relatable".

now onto... that man... i did not expect 90% of this album to be about him. i've only hated two people in my life. one being a family member of mine. the other, him (i will not be saying his name because he does not deserve it). the way she spent so much of this album talking about how she will defend him with her life. girl i am begging you to get up off the ground. it felt like a backstab from her in "but daddy, i love him" where she's basically saying fuck everyone for ruining a relationship i wanted. the reason no one wanted her with him is because he's a racist, misogynistic, homophobic asshole. i am aware he supports queer rights but it seems like he only cares about queer rights and the safety of queer people when it involves white queer people (ie. what happened in dubai and malaysia). i'm almost confident she cheated on joe with him while her and joe were still together. i'm sorry to taylor that i care about BIPOC and queer people's rights than making a racist white man happy.

joe truly got the short end of the stick here. he has been treated so horribly this past year by swifties who made up rumors about him just to make taylor seem like the good guy and the only thing this album told me was she was the villain in all of this. i hope joe has a good support system around him and i hope he's able to get any mental health help he needs. i do also think that taylor desperately needs a therapist as well. she is very adament about not having one and just using her mom and her friends but she needs an outside source to really listen and give her advice that isn't "yes man"-ing her all day long.

anyways, like i said at the beginning of this post, i enjoyed the production. my favorite songs were fortnight and who's afraid of little old me. it's gonna take time for me to enjoy this album outside of its messiness. i did enjoy midnights btw. so it's definitely not the sound i don't like it's just everything surrounding it.

70/100

[softshrimpy]

How To Woo A Hot Principal

Chapter 3: Step 3: The not-date

Summary: Working at the weathervane was exactly what you needed. The routine, the people, your co-worked. It certainly helped that a certain tall, blonde, fucking gorgeous woman happened to frequent the cafe. Now some may call hopelessly flirting with your customers inappropriate behavior.

But truly, when it came it Larissa Weems, who could blame you?

I let them shenan once, now they've shenaned again- also this fic will sort of follow canon, but fuck it where I decide I want to. They joys of being a writer. Also so sorry this update took forever, I was depressed as fuck. Love ya 🦐

Chapter 2

Cross Posted on AO3 Here

HTWAHP Masterlist

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you’re telling me, the woman of your dreams, the one you’ve been in love with for months-“

“It’s-it’s just a crush let’s not-“

“The very woman you have literally not shut up about since meeting,” James continues, ignoring you, “invites you to accompany her to the harvest festival coming up and you don’t see it as a date?”

“We don’t even know if she likes women let alone me.” You argue.

“Babe you need to open those brilliant little eyes of yours. Of course she’s gay.”

“You don’t know that for sure-“

“No, but I do know no straight woman would experience your sorry ass flirting with them and invite you to the fucking harvest festival.”

You groan, dropping your head against the coffee machine. James had been arguing with you for at least half an hour on whether or not Larissa Weems had invited you on a date when she had asked you to join her at the harvest festival. Now, having only just moved to Jericho you honestly had no idea what the harvest festival even was. Did that stop you from immediately saying yes when she asked though? Absolutely not. You figured any time spent with Larissa, no matter what it was you ended up doing, was time well spent.

However, you did ask James what it was (your first mistake). Which was how you had ended up in this little argument.

“Even if she is gay, she’s so far out of my league.”

“While that may be true-“

“Ouch, thanks for the vote of confidence.” You interrupt, earning you a slap on the arm.

“She seems to want to spend time with you. So you must be doing something right. Anyway, my shift is over but we will talk more about this tomorrow.”

“Oh no, however will I survive without your constant teasing and invasive questions.” You comment.

“I know, you’ll truly suffer. Maybe I’ll ask Galpin to join in on the teasing that way-“

“Don’t involve that poor kid in your devious plans, he need not be corrupted by you.”

He leaves at that with a snort, waving as he goes. Tyler arrives a little while later, giving you a shy wave before getting behind the counter. You decide to take your break, things being a bit quiet at this time of day and let Tyler know before heading into the back.

So all in all, a very normal day so far.

So imagine your surprise when you came back in to find Tyler standing next to Wednesday surrounded by three sad looking pilgrim boys who were laying on the floor groaning in pain. Truly it was almost comical, almost.

“What in the name of fuck happened in here? I was gone for like 10 minutes!” You asked.

“Well-“ Tyler started, only to be interrupted by someone coming through the front door.

And that someone was none other than Sheriff Galpin. You really had nothing against him personally but any and all law enforcement just put you on edge.

“What happened in here?” He asked, eyeing the boys on the ground and then Wednesday.

“They were harassing a customer, she just defended herself,” Tyler replied.

“You mean to tell me this tiny girl beat up these three?”

“I’m sure this was her showing restraint,” you mumble, coming to stand behind the two teens. “Anyway now that that’s all cleared up-“

You’re interrupted by a very troubled and frustrated Larissa stepping through the door. She glances at the boys on the floor, pursing her lips before levelling Wednesday with a look that could make anyone burst into tears.

“Sheriff, apologies. This one…slipped away from me,” she apologizes, “Come on Miss Addams, time to go.” She grits.

“Addams? Is Gomez Addams your father?” The sheriff asks, eyeing Wednesday with what you can only call malice. At Wednesday’s nod, he continues.

“That man should be behind bars. I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'll have my eye on you.” He warns before storming out.

The four of you look at each other, Larissa’s glare burning holes into Wednesday’s head, while Tyler looks embarrassed and confused.

“Tyler, no offense really, but your dad is a prick.” You say.

“Sorry.” He sighs.

“You two are all right though? None of these prissy pilgrims hurt either of you?” You ask, giving each of them a cursory check.

“Yeah Wednesday handled it, you should’ve seen her-“ Tyler starts but stops himself when he notices the intense glaring match between Larissa and Wednesday.

“Right well, Wednesday,” you start, hoping to ease the tension a bit. “I’m sorry these boys caused trouble for you. But you two probably have to get back to nevermore?”

“Yes. We do. Miss Addams, please go wait in the car. And don’t run off this time or else,” Larissa threatens, earning a huff from the girl as she exits the shop.

“It seems you’ve got an escape artist with you.” You joke.

“I do apologize. Wednesday is- she-“ she sighs rubbing her face.

“Hey it’s okay,” you start grabbing her forearm and squeezing it reassuringly. “Are you alright? Need anything?”

She shakes her head, and you must be imagining things because it almost looks like she’s blushing.

“No, I should get her back before she tries to escape again.”

“She’s probably already hatching plans. But remember I’m always here. Or just a phone call away. However, I don’t have the arm strength for digging graves so...”

She snorts at that, shaking her head and grabbing your hand, giving it a squeeze before leaving. You watch her go, smiling before turning around to see Tyler grinning at you.

“What?”

“So you and Principal Weems huh?” He snorts.

———————————————————————

You had to admit, for a small town, Jericho did know how to hold a pretty cool festival.

You were standing at the entrance to the harvest festival taking in the sight. There were stalls with games set up (no doubt rigged to hell and gone) and various carnival rides set up. You were a little impressed with how well put together the event seemed.

But the time to lose your money at carnival games and eat overpriced food was later. You had to find Larissa.

Honestly, it wasn’t hard, for one she was a walking goddess and tall as fuck so she was easy to spot. And second, the minute you saw Wednesday Addams, you found Larissa close by.

You stopped when you spotted her, standing in her greenish(the lighting wasn’t helping your color analysis) jacket with gloves on. She almost looked out of place; someone who dressed so prim and proper at a little festival with sticky food and children screaming. But she really did always look immaculate.

You decided to stop staring at her like a creep and hurried over to her. She was currently standing at one of the booths, feigning interest in the prizes but actually watching Wednesday. She was so focused on the girl that she didn’t even notice you standing next to her. You stood there for a solid minute before whispering.

“Worried she’ll pull another escape attempt?”

You had expected to scare her, yes, but what you hadn’t anticipated was Larissa letting out the most adorable shriek. She turns to face you, sporting a slight blush and clearing her throat.

“Ahem, sorry about that you uh- you startled me.” She stammers

You giggle, actually giggle, and immediately slap a hand over your mouth, slightly mortified. The two of you stand side by side, embarrassed and blushing like two teenagers. Speaking of teens, not ten seconds later a smirking Wednesday and beaming Enid appear in front of you both.

“Miss Sinclair, Miss Addams,” Larissa starts, regaining her composure, “I hope you two are enjoying yourselves.”

“Oh immensely. Bright lights and laughter are where I feel most at home.” Wednesday deadpans, earning a snort from you.

“I’m super excited. Wednesday said she’d try win me a prize!” Enid squeals.

“Oh? She did?” You ask, grinning. “That’s so nice of you Wednesday.”

You swear you see her cheeks turn pink before she huffs and walks away, mumbling to herself. Enid apologizes before running off, leaving you and Larissa alone again.

“They’re totally in love.” You comment.

“Indeed, I wonder which of them will figure it out first.” Larissa chuckles.

“I’m putting my money on Enid. She seems more in tune with her emotions.”

“I wouldn’t underestimate Miss Addams, she can be quite intuitive when she wants to be.”

“I don’t know, she seems the type to avoid her feelings as long as she can.”

She snorts at that before linking her arm with yours and heading further into the festival. She started telling you about the previous years’ harvest festivals and how she often spent them. You noticed she liked to talk with her hands, well hand in this case.

She soon dragged you over to a table and told you to wait while she went to get what she called “the best by far” hamburgers from a stall nearby. You sat at the table, quickly checking your messages when Wednesday appeared in front of you carrying a rather large stuffed panda.

“Did you win that for Enid?” You asked.

“It’s for Weems. You give it to her.” You said shoving the big guy in your direction.

“Wait what? Why did you- and she’s gone.” You remarked watching her black pigtails disappear in the crowd.

A few moments later Larissa returned with the food. She sat next to you, handing you a burger before speaking.

“You must try these, I look forward to them each year.” She smiled, before noticing the panda. “Where did you get that?”

“Oh uh- well actually it’s for you?” You started, picking up the bear and holding it toward her, “you’d never guess who-“

You had squeezed the lil guy when all of a sudden a voice played from it.

“I love you!”

You froze, staring at the bear and feeling your cheeks heat up. Of all prizes Wednesday could’ve given you, she gave you the one that said that? You wanted to believe she had no idea but a part of you wondered if this wasn’t revenge for your teasing earlier.

“I-I didn’t- I had no idea it would-“ you stammered.

She chuckled, pulling the bear out of your hands and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“That’s very sweet, thank you darling.”

You’d have to thank Wednesday later (assuming she hadn’t tried to run away again). Larissa put the bear down on the bench before sitting down next to you bumping your shoulder with hers before instructing you to start eating.

The two of you sat and ate, and goddamn she was right the burgers really were delicious. Not that you doubted her. Although the entire experience would’ve been a lot less magical had it not been for Larissa sitting next to you, so close your shoulders were touching as she happily ate her burger and spoke to you between bites.

The two of you then headed back into the festivities. You insisted on trying to win Larissa another stuffed animal (you wanted it to be from you, not from Wednesday, even if the one you ended up winning was a considerably smaller stuffed duck.)

You had to admit, it did feel like a date. You kept trying to stop yourself from thinking like that, Larissa was just being friendly and you hadn’t really had a close friend who was a woman for years so you had no idea if this was just regular friendship or she was actually flirting with you.

But you pushed all those thoughts aside and just enjoyed the time you were spending with her. Well, you were enjoying your time together before a young girl came running up to Larissa, she honestly looked like she’d seen a ghost.

“Principal Weems I- I’m sorry to interrupt but Wednesday said Rowan’s been attacked and-and killed in the woods. I don’t- she said it was some kind of monster? I-“ she stammers, obviously troubled.

“Alright, deep breaths. Okay, there we go. Right. Go find Miss Thornhill and tell her to get her to gather the rest of the students and head back to Nevermore. I’ll call the sheriff and be with you shortly. It’ll be alright Miss Barclay, thank you for coming to me.” She says, ushering the girl away.

Bianca nods before turning on her heel and running off to find the teacher Larissa mentioned. Larissa turns to you, smiling apologetically.

“I’m sorry darling. This is not how I envisioned this evening ending. I need to go but promise me you’ll head straight home? If-if there is any merit to Wednesday’s story I would be beside myself if something were to happen to you.” She murmurs squeezing your hand.

You nod, assuring her you understand and you’ll head home. You urge her to be careful and you’re about to let her leave before you stop her.

“Give me your phone.” You ask, holding out your hand.

“Darling I- what?”

“I’m putting my number in your phone so you can message me when you get back to Nevermore, safe and sound.” You insist.

She looks shocked for a moment, then confused before finally settling on a rather flustered expression before handing you her phone. You hand it back to her after adding yourself as a contact(you saved yourself as ‘Favorite Barista’ which makes her chuckle.) you reiterate that she has to message you when she returns to Nevermore and give her a kiss on the cheek before ushering her away. As soon as her blushing form is out of sight you head back to your car and drive home.

It’s only after you’ve entered your small apartment that your actions register. You are absolutely mortified that you behaved the way you did and can’t help but overthink every action for the next hour or so. You’re wallowing in self-loathing and misery when your phone pings with a new message.

You quickly check who it’s from, noticing the unknown number and hastily open the message.

Hello darling, it’s Larissa. I’m back at Nevermore, safe and sound. There was no sign of Rowan, despite Wednesday’s adamance about what she saw. All this to say, everything is fine.

You sigh, relieved she and the kids are safe. You’re about to send a reply when another message comes through.

And thank you for looking out for me tonight. It’s been a while since anybody has worried for my safety. I appreciate your care.❤️

[lastwave]

aghj fuck everything ok. i say this as someone who enjoys analyzing jean! hes an interesting little guy. but so so many people refuuuuse to acknowledge just how much privilege jean has over harry as an ablebodied, never-addict, (comparatively) ableminded, and arguably straight dude.

SO LIKE. Harry's very chronically ill like. canonically. post polio syndrome, all the shit that comes with hep c (joint pain, organ damage, etc etc), and his use of speed implies chronic fatigue. AND when jean gets to him after the tribunal he has at LEAST one gunshot wound (in some playthroughs he gets shot twice), and we don't even know if Kim GOT the bullet(s) out. jean is ablebodied. he has facial scarring from when he had smallpox(?) but other than that he seems to have made a full recovery while harry never did- harry still has partial paralysis. and even IF jean was in some form chronically ill, still jean feels entitled to make some smarmy comment about disability pension even tho harry has more than earned that shit.

its very easy to see the subtext that jean thinks harry deserves this. he basically outright says it in the "you know what he told me?" line. he took that not as a sign that something was deeply fucking wrong and that harry needed help (which, btw, "i want to get worse" is almost always a cry for help and an indication that someone has completely given up), but jean took it as someone accepting whats coming to them and that harry needed to learn a lesson. which, depending on the playthrough, harry was a major ass, but during the midst of a mental breakdown is NOT the time to address that. and that isn't teaching a lesson.

its exacting revenge jean felt entitled to for "putting up" with him. he thinks hes some martyr- and not even for harry's assholery. to be clear. in the fascist and some moralist playthroughs jean expresses frustration at having to go to sensitivity training. not what harry actually said. which, while speaking volumes abt harry's character, also says a fuck ton about jean's. ALSO, there are several instances where he complains about conservative talking points- "falling marriage rates", "the liberals" (in context of the f slur, not economic liberalism). which leaves one thing for jean to be upset over- harry's addiction, mental illness and disability.

its very very simple! jean thinks that harry deserves bad things because he's an addict, and thinks that harry's a burden because he's both mentally and physically disabled. and its not frustration that comes from a place of love, because otherwise he would have fucking been there. he would have reintroduced himself when he realized harry did for real have total retrograde amnesia. the fact anyone even let harry continue the investigation after finding out abt that is pretty damn heinous.

he doesn't HAVE sympathy for harry and he doesn't care about his well being- jean cares about what harry's presence in his life makes him feel like. Jean likes to pity himself and Harry's existence lets him position himself as some long suffering angel that "so graciously keeps giving harry chances". this is especially apparent in the "sorry i didn't feel like buttering you up, i have clinical depression" line. (sorry WHAT about a man that tries to drown himself in his car by driving it over a roof implies not depressed?).

like. even ignoring all of harry's other shit he had before the bender, retrograde amnesia and functional clinical depression are not comparable. that AND harry probably has a dissociative disorder AND some form of mania its just ??????

jeans very very privileged over harry and exerts it often. hes an asshole. a very interesting asshole! but an asshole nonetheless

[coupleoffanfics]

Gotham Isekaied Reader

I have an idea. It's nothing new. I wrote nearly 5 pages of this idea, but I'm too scared to post it since it's filler and I even drew a cover. So I will ramble about this idea through headcanon. Some Jerome x Reader, I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. CW: One mention of suicide.

y/n wakes up to find that her life has gotten a major upgrade. Any flaws that her family has is erased. Did mom drink away stress? Now she doesn’t even touch alcohol. Dad isn’t smoking away his life. Her older brother is a law-abiding citizen who is studying to become a lawyer. Her younger brother is more positive about life and growing up in a home that they wished they had.

Not to mention that they’re rich. She no longer lives in a bad neighborhood and sleeps in a snazzy mansion.

Life is looking up until y/n turns on the TV with a news story about a man killing corrupt people with weather balloons.

She sits there thinking, ‘This was nice, but I should be getting back home.’

Maybe y/n’s close friends with Bruce beforehand. That’s when she realizes that she has to learn about the other y/n’s life. She can’t risk telling anyone about “we’re in a shitty TV show” without everyone considering throwing her into a mental institution. Tough luck because she ends up in Arkham regardless.

She writes down plotlines that she remembers. Making files on the character that she has met. Her files are hidden away in her room and aren't brought up later down the line when a certain person finds them.

How y/n ends up in Arkham is complicated. I want y/n to be completely sane through our POV, so she’s not going to be “I’m so insane and quirky”. Maybe she’s framed or killed someone in self-defense. Well, okay, I have thought out what gets her thrown into Arkham, but I don’t think anyone would find it interesting.

During her trial, the prosecutor will use her history of depression and suicide attempts to paint her as a homicidal. The whole trial is fishy, yet ends with her being locked up.

Bruce believes y/n when she says she hasn't done anything and promises to get her out of there. Legally of course.

Alfred probably tries to keep Bruce from visiting because Arkham has a reputation and doesn’t want him to be anywhere near there. The poor boy is going through too much in a short amount of time. 

So Bruce will send Selina to deliver anything. Or they both run away to visit y/n. When they come back to the manor and Alfred is questioning them, they both lie by saying that they’re somewhere else.

Bruce just wants to make sure his bestie is alright. Selina is just along for the ride but might visit y/n even when she doesn’t need to.

While in Arkham y/n is vibing in her little corner when Jerome starts bugging her. Might tell him about some plotlines just to see if anyone would believe her.

Jerome just laughs it off and starts orbiting y/n because she’s interesting. She tends to ramble and mumble to herself, for some reason he finds it so cute.

“You’re kind of funny, but I wouldn’t call you a joker.” She says before thinking, ‘Because legally you aren’t him. Thanks a lot, higher-ups.’

He writes about her in his diary and uses any stickers that she gives him. ‘Yeah, she's weird. Calling people characters and saying that we aren’t real, but she’s my little weirdo. I also got another pack of Hello Kitty stickers from her.’ Then he proceeds to doodle her with crayons.

When Theo Galavan surprise adopts them, Jerome starts taking y/n’s words more seriously. Still doesn’t believe her when she says he and everyone aren’t real. Like how is that possible? He feels real, oh whatever he has no time for that.

At the manor, Bruce is freaking out and dialing Jim begging him to save his bestie from that homicidal ginner. Theo has to make it seem like y/n is a hostage since she refuses to do any killing and Jerome has scary dog privilege.

‘They aren’t real. They aren’t people.’ She’d try to tell herself, but she just can’t bring herself to try to hurt someone. y/n is one of those freaks who try to drive safely in GTA without running over anyone or anything.

She doesn’t think that her words mean anything and that everything will follow the script. Until she tells Jerome to take an extra lighter with him. She’s chilling by herself when the news shows footage of a burnt bus and the news anchor talking about the cheerleaders who lost their lives.

That’s when y/n starts thinking over everything she’s said. She debates whether or not she should tell Jerome about Theo’s betrayal.

‘The show does start declining in ratings when he’s killed off. I could be doing the writers a favor, but what about the people? No, characters. They’re just characters! They aren’t real!’

In the end, Jerome is killed off and she’s put back into Arkham. Everyone is surprised by how calm she is after Jerome’s death. Not upset or anything. Like weren’t they close? Maybe their relationship was more one-sided.

Jim will question y/n and she might let a few things slip. Most brush her words off as they believe that she has some sort of Stockholm syndrome and is angry at Theo for killing her captor.

Back at Arkham, y/n yells, “FUCK!” When seeing Hugo Strange.

When Theo is dealt with, Jim will visit her or send her a thank you card for pointing him in the right direction regarding the investigation.

I’m getting tired and I might continue writing about this.

But I was going to have y/n be free from Arkham when some evidence regarding her case comes out. y/n will be outwardly passive throughout the story.

In the end, I was going to have y/n be the one who becomes Joker. Maybe she falls into a tub of chemicals. Don’t worry darling you aren’t going to be deformed like Jeremiah at the end. You’ll look different, but still smoking hot. 😘

Anyway seeing the physical change, her dwindling hope of getting back home, and her mental state being worn out. She decides to step up and take the name of Joker.

Bruce angst all the way. Maybe angst for other characters, but I could see this tearing him apart. He’s forced to watch his closest friend be replaced by a cackling monster. To then eventually start fighting against her.

She doesn’t react to being called y/n anymore, but she’ll give Batman/Bruce a melancholy look if he calls her by that. He doesn’t call her y/n often because that wasn’t y/n. y/n l/n was dead and there was no way she was coming back.

The theory of Joker being sane will ring true to y/n. She knows this isn’t real. It’s just fiction and any good piece of fiction needs a good villain. Since she’s not making it back home, she’ll make things fun.

Or multiple endings because those are always fun.

“Jerome? Jeremiah? Never heard of them.”