#sorry for dumping stuff like this here but yeah I feel so conflicted in every aspect of my life

[maenimalist]

thoughts

[emblemxeno]

Show vs. Tell in 3H and Why I Think It’s Important

(This rant is a mess, sorry lmao)

And here’s the thing, y’all. I harp on about “Show, don’t Tell” a lot, but truly? The best works utilize both as best they can. It’s called “Show and Tell” after all.

It’s just... video games as a story telling medium have evolved so much, that you can use so many aspects to help build your story that isn’t just text. It’s the same with movies and TV shows and other media with visuals and sounds. The best actors can convey how their character is feeling with facial expressions. Good visuals and set design, with background characters and things happening around the central focus helps things feel more alive. Music choice and ambient sound design helps the audience feel what the writers/directors/producers want them to feel.

I love 3H’s lore (for the most part), it’s history and special dates/events. I love character backstories. I love how each of Fodlan’s countries are described. They have the “Tell” part done amazingly!

But the show is just that lackluster in comparison.

Why is the monastery visually the same every month despite going through all the seasons? Why are things as important as the Church of Seiros doctrine and other historical facts so disconnected that they had to be reduced to library books? Why do characters that are apparently important (like Count Bergliez and Holst) never appear to us? Why are concerning events caused by the war like economic troubles, mass food shortages and religious persecution reduced to NPC one-off quotes (and one quote from Ashe)? Why is stuff like Bernadetta’s tragic backstory accompanied with ‘Haha, funny music’?

It stings even more because the most recent mainline game before 3H was Echoes, a game that did “Show and Tell” beautifully. Sure, the nature of the game itself helped (not every game has deep explorable towns and dungeons after all) but hell, there’s not even any damn villages to save in 3H. Battles in 3H are only fought in important locations, like forts and capital cities, to justify not having any towns or common folk to comment on it all. There are hardly any CGs to signify important events or show off the general public-except in Blue Lions which has like, at least 5 CGs alone iirc? Why couldn’t the rest of the game have more of those too?

It’s all just unfortunate to me, because I hear what the game is telling me and I love it, I just think it can be even better expressed if some of that were shown well too. 

And if I had to choose between Show vs Tell, it would be Show, because showing what the world is like and how characters interacting with it is, in my opinion, a better way to tell the story than a 2 minute narration describing it all. Like, an example. One of the early cutscenes of Xenoblade Chronicles, when Fiora and Shulk are eating in the park, the debris alarm sounds and Colony 9 shoots the falling debris with a defense laser. Fiora and Shulk treat it like no big deal. 

Just in that scene alone, you get a sense of the world. Shulk tinkered with old parts before yeah, but now we know that stuff falls from above, showing that Colony 9 is on a lower part of Bionis and that mechon parts are still falling from up at Sword Valley. The characters’ reactions show that it happens regularly too. If I saw that and didn’t know what the hell the world was about, I’d be fucking weirded out and confused. But the characters treat it as normal for them, so there’s no confusion on my end too. And the fact that Colony 9 even has a defense laser in the first place tells you “Oh, that must be used for something like anti air threats too, not just the garbage”.

In an FE example, Chrom and his gang in the very beginning deal with the possibility of Robin being a Plegian spy; Freddy Bear is very insistent on treating it seriously. That’s the “Tell” portion for why the Shepherds and Ylisseans as a whole are wary, but the “Show”? Prologue has Plegian bandits burn a town. Chapter 3 and 4 reveals that Plegia wants to cause tension between Ylisse and Ferox. Chapter 5, Maribelle was dragged out of her home in order to incite war by making it look like it was her doing. These things show why the relationship between Ylisse and Plegia is bad! The lore dump from Chrom is strictly for past events and backstory, and gives Robin (and the player, by extension) more context of the conflict as a whole while giving them time to process it. You can Tell first then Show later, and vice versa as well!

3H just... doesn’t do that very well in my eyes.

I will admit, it’s also a bit of bias on my part. That’s just the kind of storytelling I like the most. If I had it my way I would do both “Show and Tell”. If I had to choose between the two, it would be “Show”. So naturally, 3H appeals to me the least in its storytelling method because it doesn’t do both, and it chose “Tell” over “Show”.

Man, ‘show and tell’ don’t even sound like words anymore, I need a break lol.

[sweetfierceimagines]

PART1/ It was supposed to be simple.  Ricky x Reader (HSMTM)

Hello everyone, I’ve been trying really hard to write lately, and it has been very complicated. I think you all understand, when everything is not ok in someone’s life, that someone kind of loses it.

But I decided to fight that, I least trying !

I discovered the series High School Musical the Musical and even though I’m 24 and supposed to be over this kind of drama, I’M CLEARLY NOT.

Synopsis : Reader is a student, she’s not technically involved in the Musical like everyone else, but she helps with costumes making and set management. Ricky gets to know her and even though he really wants to get Nini back and has a whole plan for it, life decides to mess with him, and he gets involved in a new sentimental obsession.

Warnings : none. Probably not my best writing, please be kind to me.. Just a lot of fluff and teenage drama ! Enjoy <3

Tell me if you want this to carry on ! I’ll be glad to write a part 2 if you like it :)

RICKY POV/

Here he was, playing Troy Bolton in this Musical. He would never have done it if it wasn’t for Nini.

He understood her, understood her pain, understood why she chose that stupid E.J. But he was not going to abandon. It was not because he didn’t reply that he didn’t mean it. 

So he enroled (quite amazingly by the way) in this musical. He was dancing, singing, acting.. He never thought it could actually be this fun and exhausting. He seemed to be reaching Nini’s heart more and more each day, as she was also realising that EJ was not as perfect as he pretended to be.

But something was about to mess up all his plans.

READER POV/

The school was all about that Musical. It seemed as if every other activity and class was less important and didn’t deserve that much attention. Y/N was not a singer, not a dancer. She didn’t play any instrument, she didn’t like to be under the spotlights.

She was all about reading, writing and creating. So when the art class shut down for “fund purposes” (basically meaning this musical was costing the school too much), she had to find another way to create. 

So she went for it. Asked Miss Jenn if she needed someone for her costumes and decor management, and simply started to work on the set. She wasn’t the only one working on costumes and on stage management, but she clearly was the best of the team.

And it was appreciated.

After just a few weeks, she was named “stage and costume director”, whatever that means. Even though she was pretending she didn’t care, it sort of made her feel validated, and allowed her to create as much as she wanted to, which was pretty amazing. 

RICKY POV/

It was one of these days.

Everything seemed to fall apart. His parents were ending their relationship, his mom would probably leave for a long time, Nini still supported EJ even though he was making mistakes for which she would have dumped him..

He felt like everything he was doing was not good enough and it was hard to deal with. He was not usually shy with his feelings, but this time he didn’t feel like sharing. So he stayed late, very late, at school, and waited for everyone to leave stage to show up.

He was sure no one was there, so he let his emotions speak and just let it out. He started by talking to himself, making moves and being loud. He was talking about his family, his fear of being abandonned, his fear of never being loved again, the pain of knowing he lost Nini because he didn’t deserve her back there, the impression that EJ was a better man than he was.. he could go for hours.

And then he started singing.

A couple sentences from numerous songs. Songs about love, songs about pain, songs about courage. He closed his eyes and sang his heart out. It was beautiful, strong, sincere. It would have tear anyone’s heart.

And it did.

READER POV/

Y/N was staying late, as usual. She had a special authorisation from Miss Jenn and the Dean to stay extra hours backstage, working of costumes or just on personnal projects.

At school at least, she didn’t have to deal with noise, with family issues of with anything that could poison her creativity.

She was painting when she heard a noise.

Startled, she sort of went in panic mode, imagining a hundred scenarios in which she would get in troubles. She walked smoothly to the stage entrance and remained out of sight while looking at the boy who played Troy basically loosing his mind on stage.

She could have told him that he was not alone, she was actually about to signal her presence out of respect for what he was revealing, when he started singing.

It made Y/N go numb, as if she left her body and could feel her soul burning of compassion. His voice was everything, his face was everything.

She didn’t realise, but she was crying silently.

After a couple minutes, she realised she was actually holding her breath. She breathed heavily and stumbled, making Ricky realise he was not alone at all.

The boy jumped and fell down, hurting himself quite badly.

Y/N came rushing at him, feeling terribly sorry for what happened.

RICKY POV/

- Man ! Couldn’t you say you were here?!

Ricky was flaming red, embarrassed that someone heard everything. He looked at this girl’s face and it honestly took him a few seconds to remember who she was. Yes, she was on stage pretty much each day, but at some point he got so obsessed with the Musical and Nini that he completly forgot about the environment he was evolving in.

She was pretty, her Y/E/C eyes looking terrified and guilty, and it seemed as she cried recently, her eyes a bit red.

He stood up and winced, lifting his shirt a bit to realise he was going to get bruses all over his chest and stomach.

- I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to interrupt or even listen. Seriously, I was going to tell you, i’m not a creep. Well, not that kind at least..

- Yeah? You were going to? Seems like you had plenty of time.

He sighed and headed backstage to inspect his clothes and body in the miror, assessing at bad it was.

Y/N followed, staying a few meters away to give him some space. She didn’t say anything, feeling guilty enough.

Ricky took his shirt out completly, looking at his body. Y/N could tell he was contracting a bit his abs and arms and let out a silent laugh. She observed for a couple minutes and finally talked.

- You riped your shirt a bit.

Ricky turned, facing her, looking anoyed, and lifted his arms.

- No joke ! Who’s falt is it?

- You’re the one who fell dude.

He opened his mouth to answer right back but her cheekiness cheered him a bit, and he simply nodded his head.

- Yeah, I’ll blame gravity next time I see her. A real troublemaker that one.

He looked at his shirt and sighed. He didn’t know anything about sewing and his mom would probably have other things to do. Too bad, it was his favorite old school shirt.

Y/N stretched her hand toward him and he gave her his shirt. Still shirtless, he looked as she sat down where it seemed like she was staying most of the time, in a corner with painting all over, needles and fabric. She grabed one needle, easily got the thread in and started sewing, with a hand technique that showed how used to it she was.

He looked around, noticing one painting that seemed to still be in progress. He got closer, reaching his hand to it.

- Don’t ! It’s wet, I was on it when I heard you.

He turned around, looking at her in another way. She was pretty impressive, painting stuff, sewing shirts and managing a stage so well people didn’t even realised she was here.

- That’s sick.

He said with a smile.

She looked back at him and nodded, smiling at him too.

- Thanks. I usually plan what I’m going to do but this one.. it just came to me.

He looked closer, noticing a female silouette, somehow looking cut in some parts. Not cut as stabbed, but cut as split in different sections.

- What do you think it is?

Y/N said while carrying on her sewing. She acted as she was not looking at him, but each time he got his attention back at the painting, she would look at him, trying to anticipate his reactions.

- Hum.. It’s a.. it’s a woman? Right?

He would turn to her, as if he was looking for her validation for each word he said. She simply nodded, encouraging him to carry on.

- It’s a woman, and this woman is split. She.. Maybe because she went through a lot, maybe the different sections represent different emotions? Different moments of her life?

He remained silent for a second and looked with intensity at the painting. His eyebrows frown and he suddently looked sad.

- Maybe because she can’t be whole again. She has to be split. She has to try to deal with these conflicting emotions, these ups and downs. Maybe people tell her she should be grateful, and happy, and she should move on. But she can’t, because life cut her in several pieces.

And a tear rolled down his cheek.

Y/N stood up, mooving carefully toward him, and put a gentle hand on his (still naked) shoulder. She could feel him shaking a bit, deeply moved by what he felt from the painting. 

- Ricky.. it’s ok.

He turned, facing her, his eyes still filled with tears. He didn’t quite knew why, but he didn’t feel like looking anything but himself with her. After all, she knew how he was feeling, she heard what he said, and she felt what he felt.

The way she was looking at him.. Conforting, warm, yet terrifying. She understood.

He put his hand on hers, squeezing it as if it would make him feel better. He was here, facing her, hand on hand, eyes to eyes.

Suddenly, the speaker went on, the voice of a security guy telling “Miss Y/N, time to close the school. Sorry”

This sort of broke the moment. They broke the physical contact and she gave him his shirt back. They both gathered their stuff and silently headed to the front door, thanking the security guard for his patience.

They smiled at each other and Ricky waved goodbye, whatching as she was quitely leaving of her bike.

[ssa-dg]

Walls are Built to be Knocked Down

Overview: this takes place in season 7 episode 2. You joined the BAU after the death of Emily and JJ’s departure. However when they both come back, everyone is shook up.

TW: mentions of drugs, murder, rape (it takes place in the episode). Adult themes

Relationship: Spencer Reid x (female) reader

Word count: 3352

Author’s note: so I have been wanting to write another short story about Spencer but couldn’t get myself to do it. Glad I got inspired by episode 2 of season 7. This is when Spencer is still mad at JJ about Emily. The unsub is the one who is neuro-divergent and is obsessed with his brother’s wife. If you have any suggestions on how to write a better Spencer Reid, I would love that. I struggle with writing an accurate Reid because he is supposed to be so smart and I’m the type of person who has been told she’s “dumb” so it’s an insecurity of mine. Give me advice if you have any just be nice. P.S. the formatting on this is so weird. I don’t have my laptop rn because it’s getting fixed and the mobile version of this app sucks lol

You and Spencer were never really good friends. You two were good coworkers and you always got along well, but it took Spencer a lot to let people behind his wall. So when you joined the team from the whit collar unit, after Emily’s death. You could tell everyone on your new team was grieving, and because you didn’t know them all that well you didn’t pry. Though slowly each member let things slide to you about their grieving. You didn’t expect that to happen but you weren’t surprised. You were always a reliable person, old friends would come out of nowhere just to talk to you about their problems, or random people in cabs, on the subway, etc. You just had that air about you, one that was dependable, nonjudgmental, and understanding. Your family called it your superpower.

So when Emily turned out to be alive and JJ and Hotch knew the whole time, the team was stunned. You didn’t fully comprehend the travesty of what they went through but you understood the pain and relief that accompanied them. Knowing they probably had 100 million different conflicting emotions swirling in them you suspected they’d be going through “it” the next months.

As JJ walked into the BAU with Prentiss talking about how she had passed all the qualifications to finally become a profiler, JJ saw Spencer come out of the elevator. “Hey, where have you been?” JJ asked him, “I wanted to do brunch this weekend”

“I had to deal with some stuff with my mom,” he flipped through the pages in a file to avoid eye contact with his friend, “have you seen Y/N?” he finished.

“Uh, she’s at her desk I think,” Spencer sped off to your desk. “He hates me,” JJ finished.

You sat at your desk looking over case files when Spencer came rushing up to you. “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted you and looked around.

“What’s up?” You asked expecting there to be a reason he came to your desk.

“Nothing just wanted to say hi,” he saw JJ and Prentiss go into the round table room.

“Well, hi,” you laughed and followed his gaze to your two co-workers. “Ahh, I see,” you said out loud.

His head looked down at you,” what do you mean ‘ahh, I see,’?” He was obviously annoyed by your statement.

You raised your hands up in surrender, “nothing, nothing. Shall we go?” You stood up and tilted your head towards the conference room. He nodded his head.

When you guys walked in and you went to sit in an open seat next to Morgan, Spencer lightly grabbed your elbow and pulled you the opposite way and had you sit between him Emily and JJ. You just looked at him knowing what he was doing. Although you gave him a glare to indicate you didn’t like being manhandled by him, you secretly enjoyed it. You were unsure why it did it but it created a feeling in you that you were not ready to associate with your coworker. He just gave you a bit of a ‘don’t-say-anything’ glare and looked back down at the file. You rolled your eyes and felt Prentiss looking at you. You shrugged your shoulders as if to say ‘I don’t know why he just did that’.

In walked Rossi and Garcia, “look master of all things Italian, I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend and I must serve the beautiful food of his country.” Garcia insisted.

“Maybe you should show a Disney movie and stick with burgers,” Rossi responded, still a bit offended by the pig substitute.

“You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson,” Derek suggested.

“I could help,” you spoke up from across the table. Everyone looked at you confused, “You all act like I’m not Italian. I used to go back there every summer to visit my extended family,” you rolled your eyes and defended yourself.

“Oh my gosh that would be amazing. That would be like- that would be like the iron chef meets the BAU,” Garcia looked back and forth between you and Rossi. You felt Spencer’s eyes on you and looked at him. His scrunched up eyebrows and set jaw told you that he didn’t know that about you or maybe he forgot. You just smiled at him, and tilted your head like it was nothing.

“And we could do it at your house,” Garcia looked over at Rossi.

“I don’t have a house. I have a mansion,” he laughed.

“All right let’s get started,” Hotch instructed.

Everytime JJ talked at the round table, Reid couldn’t even look at her. He kept his gaze down and you saw the muscle in his jaw bone tighten as he clenched his it. The victims were girls who all looked the same, helping a bit to narrow down the victimology. The dump sights also helped narrow down the geographical, although nothing was ever set in stone right off the bat. Everytime Spencer spoke you could tell there was hidden meaning beneath it all directed towards JJ.

On the jet you dug in deeper into the case. You started to notice Spencer stuck close to you, as if you were an extra layer of shielding from JJ. He sat next to you and when JJ spoke he’d either look down at the files in his hands or at your files in your hand. “Dave you and I will talk to the parents.Y/LN head over with us to the police station, and get us set up. Go over what they have and talk to the detectives. Morgan and Prentiss go to the disposal sites. JJ, you and Reid to the abduction sites,” Hotch ordered. JJ gave a soft smile to Spencer and you felt him tighten up next to you, and look away from her. Her smile faded into concern and annoyance and looked at you for help. You just shrugged unsure how to help.

Once you collected all the information on the crime board at the station you helped out Hotch and Rossi at the coroner's office. Then you got the call that there was a third victim. There he burned the woman’s tongue with sulfuric acid. As you, Rossi, JJ, and Reid looked over the body. The quips JJ and Reid were throwing at each other was escalating quickly.

“— instead of dealing with it. He’s acting out,” JJ looked up at Reid as she spoke about the unsub but also meant it for Reid. If looks could inflict pain, the look Reid responded to JJ with would have seriously injured her. Spencer walked off in anger. JJ looked around for help, or maybe back up. You looked at her giving her ‘I’ll take care of it’ look and went after Spencer.

Once you caught up to him and tried to talk to him he wasn’t having it. He quickly dived into perfecting the profile and ignored all conversation about anything else. He was reinforcing the walls he built around himself.

Now back at the station, you all delivered the profile to the police force. Spencer was still not looking at JJ.

Once the profile was delivered Spencer went into the room where the BAU was working out of, JJ following him.

“Spence. Look we gotta talk about this,” JJ insisted.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he responded.

“I get it, okay? You’re disappointed with the way we handled Emily,”

“Listen I have a lot going on alright,”

“You know what I think it is, you’re mad that Hotch and I were able to hold our micro-expressions at the hospital. And you weren’t able to detect our deception,” JJ finally getting angry and defending herself.

“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend,” the tears beginning to well in both of their eyes, “and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“I couldn’t,”

“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t,”

“I couldn’t,” she shouted and defended herself.

“What if I started taking dilaudid again. Would you have let me?” he asked.

“You didn’t,” she answered, confused why he was asking.

“Yeah, but I thought about it,” he confessed, and hurt even more that she didn’t realize how low he actually was during that time.

“Spence,” she called out as he tried to walk away, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late, all right?” He walked away from her.

“Reid,” Emily called for him and looked back at JJ.

You followed Spencer out the door. You knew it was risky to seek him out right now but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to try and help him. You couldn’t explain the pull he had on you right now but you usually followed your instincts and they hadn’t let you down yet.

“Spencer, wait up,” you tried to catch up to his long strides.

“Are you here to tell me off, or ask me to apologize to JJ? Because if so, don’t waste your breath. I’m not going to,” he angrily twirled around to you, which made you stop yourself before running into him.

“I wasn’t — I wasn’t going to say that. I know why you’re mad. And I think the way your acting is justified, maybe a bit immature but it’s justified,” you answered.

Spencer looked confused at your response then angrily he said “why am I acting this way then? Why am I so justified?” He was testing you in some way. If you said the wrong thing he’d yell at you too, and he would build that wall around himself so high no one would ever be allowed in again. He was hurting and right now he felt like hurting others was the only way to feel like he was in control.

“You feel betrayed. You understand why Emily had to fake her death. You understand why no one on the team was allowed to know but you don’t understand why JJ was in on it and how she kept her cool. You don’t understand how she could watch your heart break over the loss of a loved one and stand there with the knowledge to save you from all your grieving. JJ is your best friend, you trust her and love her. And best friends are supposed to help take away the pain, and you feel betrayed and taken advantage of because of that,” you finished. You could tell by the look he gave you that the wall he was building was not prepared for you to hit it so hard it cracked. His face went from openness and feeling seen, to defensive and angry at you not giving him a reason to yell at you. “You want her to understand and feel the pain she caused you. which might be why you are acting out? But when the time comes you’ll forgive her because you know deep down what you need JJ and her friendship and eventually you’ll remember all she did for you. Right now you’re hurting, but the way you get rid of that pain isn’t about being mean or hurting her, you’ll need to remember your love for your friend. And find it in yourself if you can forgive her. Am I right?” You asked him, but you already knew the answer. He let out a sigh and looked down at you. He looked at you for the first time in all his time of knowing you. You understood what he was going through more so than his closest friend, and even more so than some of his teammates who had known him for years. How could he have overlooked you for so long. He quickly looked down at your lips and the tension between you two changed. The breathing between you two became heavy and noticeable. He turned quickly and stormed off.

Eventually you all caught the unsub and saved the young girl. This time on the plane though Spencer sat in the back. He spread his stuff across the table indicating he didn’t want anyone to sit there. You took the hint, and even though you had never been close to Spencer other than him using you today for an emotional defense, you felt a coldness being away from him. A coldness, you didn’t even want to know where it would lead you.

Emily walked back to him after a short time on the plane. You could tell what she was doing and thought it was a good idea. You looked at them and analysed their behaviors. You saw the shift in them as Emily laughed for a second and from the back of Spencer you saw him move in his seat to avoid the subject. Emily leaned in as she began to explain her side of what had happened. Spencer was still mad, but by the way his shoulders sloped he was more tired than angry.

You got dressed up in one of your favorite black dresses with knee high black boots and a fancy long coat. As you pulled into the parking lot, you were a bit self conscious about what you were about to do.

You walked up the steps, found the door you were looking for, and knocked lightly. You heard some shuffling around and then heard the door unlock.

“Hey,” you spoke softly as you took in Spencer standing before you. He quickly looked you up and down and smiled, “what are you doing here? I thought you were helping Rossi teach the others how to cook?” He asked.

“Well I was, but I thought my friend might need me more tonight,” you softly smiled at him. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat,” you shyly asked, “or if you have plans, we can do something another time,” You looked at his attire and enjoyed the blue sport coat he was wearing, along with the colorful shirt under it. His hair was brushed with a light amount of product in it. It was like he was ready to go out.

“No, I was actually going to go to Rossi’s,” he admitted and you knew what that meant for him. It was more than going to Rossi’s, it was actually forgiving JJ and Emily.

“Well, I can take us, if you want,” you offered as you jingled your keys in front of him.

He gave a soft laugh, and nodded his head as he grabbed his stuff from his apartment.

“I just need to stop somewhere real quick to pick something up,” you added.

When you showed up to Rossi’s you were obviously late. But the smile on everyone’s face as Spencer walked in the room was worth it. You walked behind them with your arms wrapped around Derek and let everyone take in Spencer. You quickly handed Rossi, the cannoli’s you made and brought for desert.

After everyone said hello and got to cheers their wine glasses, it was time to cook. Instead of you cooking, Rossi decided you needed to help supervise. As you reminded everyone what the texture of the pasta had to be, and how the pancetta should look like cooked, you felt yourself always catching Spencer’s eyes and smiling.

“What’s that about?” Emily asked from behind you.

You turned startled by her, “what do you mean?”

“You and Reid, you guys came together and now you won’t keep your eyes off of each other. So what’s going on?” She asked.

You shook your head, “nothing is going on. I just gave Spencer a ride,” you responded.

“Uh-huh,” Emily skeptically looked at you. You rolled your eyes at her. Once you knew Emily wasn’t looking you slipped a glance at Spencer again and saw him smiling and laughing at something Garcia said. You couldn’t help but smile at them.

“I should say thank you,” you heard JJ say behind you.

You turned and looked at him, “why?” You asked a bit confused.

“You brought Spencer here, and he’s talking to me again. I can’t help but think you had something to do with that,” she answered.

“I didn’t do anything. He came to that conclusion on his own,” you responded.

“Well, either way, thank you for being there for him. I know he has a hard time opening up and trusting people,” she whispered. You nodded your head unsure how to respond. Out of everyone on the team you knew JJ and Emily the least as they weren’t on the team when you joined and had just returned.

As the finishing touches were put on everyone’s pasta you took a seat at Rossi’s big dinner table. You were used to sitting next to Garcia and Rossi. You expected the same people to sit near you but Spencer was quick to steal the seat where Garcia usually sat. You looked up at the young doctor standing over you as he placed a bowl of pasta in front of you. His smile told you everything. The weight of his anger had lifted and he felt rejuvenated. You gave him an odd look as he placed his glass of wine in the spot next to you. He just gave you a goofy face back. You ignored it, but you couldn’t help the feeling bubbling in your chest as you over thought him picking the seat next to you instead of next to the others like JJ, Emily or Derek.

You felt bloated after your meal but it didn’t really matter to you because you felt loved. With your Italian heritage, eating and sharing moments like this is where you felt most loved. This was no exception. You loved this BAU family that you were a part of. As the night went on and moved from the dining table to outside in Rossi’s backyard. You crawled into a loveseat couch and Spencer followed and sat next to you. You pulled a blanket off the back of the seat and draped it across you both. Spencer smiled in gratefulness.

“Say Grazie to the wonderful Y/N, for making and bringing the cannoli,” he announced and brought out the delish Italian treat.

“Oh my gosh I love cannoli,” squealed Garcia. Each person grabbed one and a silence fell over the group as they ate their cannoli. You couldn’t help but snuggle into Spencer a bit as the night moved forward and the talking kept going.

Slowly people left. Hotch was one of the first to go as he had to get back to Jack, then Derek and Garcia, next was JJ and Emily, and you and Reid.

The drive back to Spencer’s was filled with music theory facts, as the two of you got on the subject because you played your favorite songs playlist. One by one you each played songs that mean something to you. You enjoyed hearing the songs that made Spencer Reid, Spencer. They were all over the spectrum of music from classical to pop to indie to folk. You two sat in the parking lot for about an hour before you felt yourself yawning often.

“I should go so you can get home,” Spencer noted sadly.

“Unfortunately, I think you’re right,” you agreed.

“Unfortunately?” His right eyebrow was raised flirtatiously.

You blushed, “yeah, I had a fun night with you.” You looked down in embarrassment.

Spencer moved to place his hand on yours. He hesitated for a second then covered your hand. “I had a fun night too,” he admitted. You looked up at him and smiled.

“Good, because I still owe you a dinner,” you added playfully.

Spencer pulled his lips in and bit them, then let them slide out into a soft smile. “I look forward to it,” he responded.

He waited at the apartment complex entrance for you to pull away.

The memory of tonight would be one you cherished for a long time.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Day of the Animals

While perhaps not my favorite episode this season, Day of the Animals is easily the best written story of season three. Even so, it still has problems due to the third season’s poor approach to characterization. 

Summary: Rapunzel, Varian, Angry and Red are returning stolen loot that the two girls had stolen years ago. They are accompanied by Max, Pascal, Ruddiger and Hamuel who all cannot stop quarreling with each other (or in Hamuel's case, just being useless). While messing with a sea shell pendant, it magically transports the humans into it, leaving the animals to fight over it. A minor thug named Dwayne, steals the pendant forcing the animals to work together to retrieve it. 

So Why is a Polynesian Inspired Kingdom Within Riding Distance of a Northern European Country? 

If you’ll remember my review of Beginnings, Neserdina’s princesses were wearing Polynesian garb and dancing the Hula when prepping for the competition. Now I’ve already went into length as to why that’s not good representation, but in addition to that it’s also just plain dumb. You can’t just transport one ethic group and dump them into another part of the world because it’s convenient for you. You don’t earn any brownie points for doing that. Especially when your fantasy world is still based off of our own historical earth. 

To make things even more confusing, we actually saw Neserdina way back in season one in Way of the Willow. It’s where Willow bought the gremlin knock-off. 

That is an island. How the heck do you get to a volcanic island riding in a horse and cart? And don't tell me they’re riding to a port, because Corona is a port city already. They could have gotten there by boat. It’s also can’t be too far away from Corona’s borders if Angry and Red were able to get there on foot during their year long travels. 

The only explanation is that the entirety of the Tangled crew doesn’t understand geography, and this won’t be the last example in the show to back up that statement. 

So Why Is Rapunzel Here?

We get explanations for why everyone is on this road trip, except for the main character herself. Red and Angry are trying to return some stolen loot. Varian is wanting to pick up rare alchemy supplies at the market and was invited along because Raps hopes it’ll be a chance for Ruddiger and Max to get know one another better. 

But why on earth does Rapunzel feel the need to come on this trip herself? Doesn’t she have a kingdom to run? While I’m sure Eugene is more than capable of handling things, this doesn’t reflect well upon the writers supposed plan of making Rapunzel appear more responsible. 

Literally any other adult could have come along on this trip. This wasn’t something Rapunzel needed to waste time on. Lance especially would have been more appropriate here as he’s the one who’s suppose to eventually adopt Angry and Red.  And the sad thing is, all they had to do was give Rapunzel a line about needing to attend some sort of diplomatic business in Neserdina. That’s it. 

In a show that’s supposed to be all about Rapunzel; Rapunzel sure doesn’t have a whole lot of reasons to exist in the majority of the episodes. 

Lack of Worldbuilding Strikes Again

At this point I’m kind of numb to the whole “magical thing just exists for no adequately explained reason” and so I’m not as upset as some people are about the shell necklace. But it’s still not good writing. 

Why does this thing exist? How did come to be cursed? How did it get mixed in with their stuff? What activated the magic and why did it only effect the human’s even though the animals were closer to it? 

Just something show. Anything. You bothered to give use rules for how this thing works and even stuck to them this time, but you can’t just make the last leg of the trip and give us some exposition? 

Yeah, okay. 

So Where Exactly Are We in Relation to Corona?

We can see Pittsford and Ivangarr on the road sign and we have to be in riding distance to Neserdina from Corona, but like are we in Corona still? Are we in Koto, which is Corona’s nearest neighbor to the east according to season three. Are we in some no-man’s-land where none of the kingdoms have control, or are we already in Neserdina itself? 

The series gives us no sense of direction nor any firm placement for Corona within it’s world. I only know it is a Northern European country because Corona itself is a peninsula with a north sea, uses French, English, and German fashion/customs, and Rapunzel is a Germanic fairy tale. But like those clues are thrown into a blender and contradicted several times over, on top of never being told where it’s closest kingdoms actually lie. 

All of this matters when traveling and exploring the wider world are big themes of your show. You need more solid and consistent world building than this. It also impacts how much authority and control your main character has within the episode itself if she range of political power is limited to one area. So like we need to know where the heroes stand here. 

(FYI I personally headcannon Corona as former Prussia which was once part of Germany and it’s alliance of smaller kingdoms. It’s also a peninsula next to the Curonian Spit) 

This Is Not Progress

Okay so the idea here, is that the show is implying that Rapunzel is trying to improve Corona’s justice system over Frederic’s previously inhumane crack down on crime. However, this is terribly executed. 

For starters the show has never called Frederic nor Rapunzel out for their previous misbehavior. You can not change any system for the better without acknowledging the flaws within said system first. Therefore this comes right out of nowhere and doesn’t stick around long enough to stay within the viewers minds for later. 

Secondly, Rapunzel is incredibly fickle about who she does and doesn’t set free. The Saporians were still in the dungeons last time we saw them, Caine was shipped off to the prison island and left to die there as far as we know, and the Stabbingtons are shown shackled together in the wedding short even though they supposedly changed their ways and befriended Eugene again. 

Meanwhile Dwayne and Stalyan are free to go their marry way and continue their life of crime, Varian is only released from his overly harsh punishment because he kissed Rapunzel’s ass not because it was wrong to imprison him in the first place, and later Cassandra gets away scot free because she’s Rapunzel’s bestie even though she committed the worst crimes out of everyone in the show and for very little reason. 

That’s not justice. That’s not compassion. That’s not progressive reform. It’s just nepotism, and it’s every bit as corrupt as Frederic’s classism and totalitarianism. 

Just because Rapunzel is “nice” it doesn’t mean that she is kind. Real reform has to treat everyone with equality and have a set of base standards that are beyond one person’s personal judgment. She is still a dictator and an abuser even if she lets the occasional person go free on a whim. 

Finally, Rapunzel’s methods are just downright ineffective. Dwyane may not be a threat to our heroes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat to other people. He’s not actually sorry about trying to rob people at knife point and he fully plans on continuing being a thief after feeding Rapunzel the lines she wants to hear. 

Furthermore, we don’t know if this course of action is born out of malice or desperate need. He half heartily comments about finding ‘an honest job” but can he even do that? Is it even a realistic option for him? The series has been weaving this class inequality theme through out it’s past three seasons and directly connecting that to Corona’s crime rate. 

Eugene had a hard time finding a job during season one directly due to his past record, remember? A life of crime he was forced to lead in order to survive, and he’s the Prince Consort! What chance does Dwayne have? Did Rapunzel even try to help him find work or did she just wag her finger at him and told him “Now, now, stealing’s not nice.” 

The show wants to act like Rapunzel is this progressive reformer but then they turn her into a Republican instead. That’s not me being sarcastic either, this approach to criminal justice is the foundation of conservative belief and has been for centuries. The right are not interested in why people commit crime. They don’t care about addressing the fundamental problems in society that lead people to break the law. Let alone bother to analyze why those laws exist in the first place. Instead they resort to doublethink and survivor bias to either write off those that fall through the cracks or make excuses for why their policies repeatedly fail, often ignoring the fact that things aren’t actually working for whole swathes of people who aren’t themselves.  

Tangled the Series is far too simplistic and childish in it’s approach to deeper subjects like this to enforce the messages it supposedly wants to enforce. Rapunzel herself relies on magical thinking, double standards, and personal bias to see her through every and any problem and the show just rewards her for it rather than challenging her to grow and in doing so winds up supporting people like her in their authoritarian ideas, whether that was the writers’ intentions or not. 

In short, Rapunzel shows no interest in putting in the real work it would take to implement genuine restorative justice. She doesn't honestly care about Dwyane or his victims. She’s just posturing here for the sake of her self image.  

You’re Not In Any Position to Talk Rapunzel 

Speaking of Rapunzel being a hypocrite.... The entirety of season three’s main conflict is her having a petty bitch fight with her supposed best friend and needlessly dragging everyone else into it.

In fact that’s the whole show. Rapunzel repeatedly failing to get along with other people because she’s deep down a shitty person despite the veneer of ‘friendliness’ she slaps on to hide it. Having her just say she knows better does nothing to convince me that she’s actually learned anything. You have to show that she’s learned it first, and that requires acknowledging her own wrong doings.  

Varian’s face here just tells it all. Rapunzel is full of shit and no one in the show knows it better than him. Why are they even friends again? Why should we trust her with the three kids she neglected more than once? Why should any of these people take what she says seriously? 

Well This is Contradictory

Also, since we brought up double standards, here’s Varian undermining that whole “jail is bad” thing Rapunzel is trying to push with Dwayne and later with Cass. Not only is the show under cutting it’s themes for a joke, but it just reinforces the abuse Varian received. He’s now bought into Frederic’s stupid beliefs and winds up reinforcing to the audience that that his ‘reform’ was due to his past imprisonment.   

As an adult watching this series, Varian’s supposed redemption continues to increasingly look like a victim complying with their past abuser out of fear of further harm rather than anyone genuinely learning to be better.

Can We Please Stop Infantilizing the 16 Year Old

As if to deflect from Varian’s past mistreatment and continuing parentification, the show then goes on to showcase the opposite extreme whenever possible. I know it’s hard to tell just from these few screen shots alone, but over the course of season three Varian is spoken down too and treated condescendingly by the rest of the cast, and by Rapunzel in particular, even as he enters his later teens/early adulthood.  

Some of this is just to due to Rapunzel being her usual holier than thou self, but there’s also times, like here, where Varian is lumped together with the actual children of the show, even though he’s 6 to 8 years their senior. 

In fact out of everyone Rapunzel interacts with, Varian’s actually the closest to her in both age and development. Queen for a Day forced the two of them into a power imbalance due to a mixture of classism and society’s ongoing unhealthy (and often artificial) divide between younger and older teens, but as we get further and further away from that point in time and as Varian nears the same age Rapunzel started out as, that imbalance becomes less and less relevant. 

Look at how this scene is framed, He’s standing between Angry and Red and is placed lower than them to make it look like he’s one of them. He’s not. 

Varian may still look 12 with his big old eyes and short stature, but seeing as how we’re past Hearts Day, he’s actually close to being 17, if he isn’t already. The timeline gets even wonkier after The King and Queen of Hearts, but trust me, we’re close to being two years past Queen for a Day, if not more so. 

Varian, for all counts, should be Rapunzel’s equal by now in terms of story. Not only is he closest in age to her, but he’s also the only other person going through a coming of age arc. And of the two, Varian’s the one who has actually learned and grown as a person. He has more real world experience than Rapunzel ever will and knows how to implement that experience. (He’s also the more mature, but that’s more of a failure to write Rapunzel competently than a reflection of his capabilities.) 

No matter how you slice it, Varian shouldn’t be taking orders or advice from Rapunzel; no one should be, really; and he most certainly shouldn’t put up with her condescension. Rapunzel is not his nor anybody else’s mother. She’s not even a big sister like figure, and at no point should be treated as the leader of anything or anyone. 

Rapunzel is a Poor Man’s Rose Quartz 

I typically try not to draw too many comparisons between Tangled and other shows outside of the occasional parallel, as a show should be able to stand on it’s own for good or for bad, but it’s hard not to discuss the series without also discussing Steven Universe in some way. 

Steven Universe is this generation’s Batman the Animated Series or Scooby Doo. It’s the game changer that everybody else is trying to copy in some manner. Chris desperately wants Tangled the Series to be the next Steven Universe, right down to how the show is structured, paced, and what themes are presented. But unfortunately Chris has no idea why Steven Universe works the way it does. 

For starters SU adjusted it’s pacing as it went along, smoothing out its rougher edges while Tangled doubled down on its filler. SU had a planned arc from the get go and stuck to it, so that by the time the twists came they made sense. SU kept it’s focus on Steven purposefully so that the story unfolded from his view point while making to sure to acknowledge the importance of other characters around him and their conflicts. It didn’t make him infallible nor shove aside everyone else’s arcs.  

But most importantly, Steven Universe was written by a bisexual nonbinary person who set out to make a show for people in the queer community like themselves. Meanwhile, as a middle aged white man, Chis hasn’t a damn clue about his primary audience and has shown no interest in connecting with them. 

This isn’t to say that Steven Universe is a perfect show. No show is beyond criticism. Nor is this to say that straight white cis men can’t write; many of them do and can portray characters unlike themselves competently enough. But if you’re completely disinterested in other points of view than you can’t be a good writer of fictional stories, that’s just a fact. Because in order to understand proper characterization you need to acknowledge that not every character ever will be like you and that even you’re main heroes will hold beliefs and experiences different from yourself. Otherwise there is no genuine conflict to build off of. Either no one will disagree with each other or the conflict will come across as flat and forced, complete with lopsided bias. 

Therefore, in the end, Rapunzel winds up being less of a Steven and more of a Rose Quartz/Pink Dimond. Both are spoiled princesses/co-rulers of a kingdom that mistreats it’s people and anyone outside of it, who rebelled against their guardians, supposedly out of a sense of justice, but really for themselves and their own freedom, only to make things even worse for everyone. On top of that they both accidently harmed their friends, freindzone their best friend while also bossing them around, are condescending to their love interests, is controlling of people who trust them, and throws temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want, oh and neglected someone for an inhumane amount of time. 

Even then, Rapunzel winds up being the worst of the two. 

The whole point behind Rose was that she is someone whom the main characters place upon a pedestal and as the series went along slowly had the scales fall from their eyes and learned to view her for who she really was flaws and all. By the end, in Future, she is even metaphorically removed from her pedestal when Steven removes her picture from the wall.  

Rose also grows as a character, unlike Rapunzel. Her story is deliberately being told to us backwards. The awful person she was in the past was no longer who she was by the time of her death. True she was still flawed, and the consequences of her actions continued on even after her demise, but she actually tried to be a better person. She got called out for her behavior, she wasn’t excused for actions even when the show explained why she did what she did, and she stopped doing harmful actions whenever she realized that they hurt someone. 

Greg was allowed to stand up to her and show how she was wrong, and she respected him for it and later fell in love with him because of it. She tried to better control her temper when she wound up hurting her friend. Her failed revolution and her mistreatment of Spinel was actually born from a misguided desire to help, rather than outright selfishness. 

Rose Quratz/Pink Dimond is a brilliant fucking character. You may not like her, but you can’t deny that she is one of the most complex figures in children’s media to ever be created. She is real, nuanced, and multifaceted. He role within the story is complicated, messy, and intricate. She is the most well rounded female character I’ve ever seen and she is what I had hoped Rapunzel would be when I first watched season one, only even more so as the actual focus. 

I want women in cartoons to be people! 

But Rapunzel fails at every turn to follow through with this promise. She is not a deep complex character. She’s not a flawed and complicated heroine. She’s a blank canvas in which the creator can shove his creepy ass views upon. She is never taken off her pedestal, she’s never allowed to be wrong, and she is forced to spout the the creator’s personal bias against other characters. 

Rapunzel isn’t a person. She had the chance to be one, but then was reduced to .. to this. As a woman, the treatment of Rapunzel and Cassandra in this show is just flat out insulting. 

So What Is the Difference Between Angry and Red Now?

I’m all for character growth, but at this point Angry and Red are just interchangeable. Anything that made them uniquely them has been lost, and they’re now just fulfilling the generic rambunctious little kid trope. Red becoming more assertive shouldn’t mean she stops being an introvert altogether; that’s not how that works. While Angry shouldn’t lose her temper completely just because she’s wiling to open up more. 

So Why Dwayne?

I like Dwayne as a character and in truth I don’t mind his existence here, and unlike that werewolf hunter last time he at least was established in a pervious season. But this is still time that could have went to a more important antagonist. 

Also notice that Dwyane gets a villain song, but not Lady Caine or Zhan Tiri. Just saying. 

Rapunzel Has Not Earned the Role of the Wise Sage and Mentor 

Rapunzel has never learned to listen to others. Ever.

On it’s own this might have been a good speech, but when taken in context of the wider story it just makes Rapunzel look like an ass. 

A year traveling does not make Rapunzel suddenly all knowing. She is not wiser nor more experienced than anyone else in this scene. She’s also a crappy leader and big fat hypocrite.  

Even when she’s technically right, as seen here, she’s still in the wrong because she never follows through and acts upon her own advice; making this whole story pointless in the grand scheme of things. 

And that’s the core problem with season three. Rapunzel is shoved into a role she is not designed for and the whole premise of the series runs right off the rails. You’re main heroine in a coming of age story can not inhabit the mentor role. She can not simultaneously learn and grow and be always right while instructing everyone else. 

All through out season three Rapunzel is either rendered completely useless in her own damn series, or she utterly fails to fulfill any sort of narrative promise laid out for her while she infuriatingly hijacks the story from more interesting and dynamic characters. 

Behold The Only Reason Why Varian was Included in the Episode 

Speaking of hijacking things, Rapunzel of course has to get the idea to save everybody, even though what she thinks of isn’t anything special. It’s not derived from her character as an individual nor from all that experience she supposedly has. It’s literally an idea anyone could have come up  with and the show just hands it to her in order to justify her exitance. 

Meanwhile the character who actually is useful to the plot is sidelined and reduced to just a plot device. And not just here, Varian is rendered practically pointless in all but two episodes in season three, even in episodes that he actually should have more impact in, like the season opener and series finale. 

Good writing treats characters as equally contributing to the plot in ways that complements who these characters are.  

Ok I’ll Admit That This Line Is Funny

Look, I know this whole review series is about pointing out the negative, and I stand by my opinion that Tangled the Series is one of the worst written shows I’ve ever seen, but I want to make one thing clear.... I do not hate the show. If I hated the show I would not waste my time reviewing it. 

Yes the over all writing is shit, but there are a lot of good things to be found in the series beyond just the crap story arc. The humor is usually solid, the animation is gorgeous, the music is a delight, and the majority of the characters are likable even though they don’t develop in the ways that they should. There’s a lot of talent that went into this show and there’s a lot of potential to be had in it’s set up and lore. 

Being critical or negative about the aspects of something doesn’t mean you dislike it, or that you’re not a real fan, or that you’re just a ‘hater’, and I actually find TTS to be fascinating because it’s such a mess. I write reviews because they’re fun and because I genuinely think there is something to be learned from Tangled’s mistakes. 

So Why Do We Cut Back to Rapunzel Here and Not Varian? 

This is such an odd framing choice. Varian is the one who is talking and reacting to what’s happening. It’s his pet that’s in trouble and therefore he carries the emotional weight of the scene, and yet it’s Rapunzel’s shocked face we focus on? Why? What’s the point of that? She has no business being the center focus here. The action does not involve her. 

If you wanted to include her for a later set up then why not have both her and Varian present in this shot? Usually I can at least count on the story boarders to frame things better than this, but they really missed the mark here. Unless Chris is just that stupid and petty that he over ruled them and forced Varian out of the scene, but that seems like a pointless fight to pick, even for him. 

See This is How you Fulfill a Narrative Promise 

The conflict between Ruddiger and Max was set up in season one with What the Hair, then it was reiterated a few episodes ago during The Lost Treasure of Herz Der Sonne, and then it was reintroduced in this episode along with a stated lesson about working together that they needed to learn. By they end of the episode, guess what, they’ve learned to work together. That is how you properly set up and resolve a conflict. 

It’s clear from this that the writers of Tangled the Series know the basic tenants of writing and how to fulfill narrative promises. So the fact that they don’t follow through with this in the majority of the show’s episodes and ongoing story arcs just baffles me. 

Is it negligence? Is it hubris? Is it incompetent management and editorial mandates? Is it just one asshole ruining everything or is this a failure in the writers room as a whole? 

I just don’t understand what the fuck went wrong here. There’s no reason for why the show got as bad as it did. How does the most acclaimed animation company in the world put out such amateurish tripe? 

Just... wow. 

Now you know why I’m mesmerized by this show. It is a mystery to be solved, like trying to figure out how the crew on the Titanic fucked up so badly or why Hindenburg blew up. You just can’t look away. 

Conclusion 

Like I said at the start, structurally speaking this is the strongest episode of the season. I personally enjoy Lost Treasure a little more, just because Rapunzel annoys me less in that, but it’s not a bad story. However when you’re best episode in your final season is filler, then you know you’re in trouble. 

If you like my reviews and want to support my writing endeavors you can drop a tip in my kofi https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[thiswasinevitableid]

57 sternclay nsfw? i can see stern complaining to a stranger that his ex complained about how weird his kinks were while dumping him

Here you go! 57: “we’re fighting over the last box of half-off valentine’s day chocolate and end up in a “who has it worse” battle.

For being in a mountain town in the slow season, the seasonal candy shelves of the Kepler Walgreens are bare. Were it 10 am on Valentines Day, Joseph would be in a panic. At 10 p.m, it feels like yet more proof this trip is utterly doomed.

But he didn’t become one of the top agents in the Department of Unexplained Phenomena by being unobservant. On the top shelf, pushed towards the back, is a bag of Reese's hearts and a bag of M&Ms. Thank you, years of training.

Being six feet tall helps too.

He’s so locked onto his target that he doesn’t notice the other person in the store until their hands smack into each other en route to the bags.

“Sorry, uh, lemme just get these and I’ll get out of your way.” A voice as deep and sweet as summer honey reaches his ears.

“I’m sorry, but I was going to buy these.” He starts pulling the bags towards him, only for the other guy to grab them. Joseph glares; the man trying to relieve him of his last solace looks like the kind of lumberjack you see in recordings titled things, “Log Pounders IV” or “Bear Hunting.”

“Look, buddy, I really need these so can you, like, find some other bags?”

“These are the last two. And I guarantee I need them more.” As long as he keeps a pleasant voice and gives no ground, this should go smoothly.

“Unless you got dumped this month, I don’t think you do.”

“I got dumped seven hours ago.” He says through an increasingly tight-lipped smile.

“At least your ex isn’t tagging you in a bunch of photos bragging about his new boyfriend.”

“He can’t, because he probably only just got back to his apartment in the rental car. The one I’m now stranded here without.”

“Pfft, just call an Uber or something.”

“It’ll cost several hundred dollars to get home!”

“You look like you can afford it.” Brown eyes flick from his hair down to his shoes, “some of us have to use half-price candy to soothe our wounds. You’re probably staying at the kind of fancy B&B where they have complimentary booze.”

“I would be, except their was a fuck-up with the reservation. Which my ex took as proof this was time to end things, and is the reason I’m dragging this all over town.” He kicks his ergonomically designed, rolling suitcase hard enough that it bumps into his adversary.

“Better he gave you some bullshit reason than the truth, which mine was all too happy to tell me. You can have these when someone you tried to make happy tells you he thinks you’re ‘too soft’ and that if only you’d manned up he woulda stayed, whatever the fuck that even means.”

Goddamnit, Joseph is not about to lose this argument--and his candy--on top of everything else.

“I’ll trade you that for being told you’re: too exacting, far more uncool than your job implies, too anxious, too invested in your work, that your whole personality is flawed and, just for extra fun, that your kinks are too weird and no one in their right mind would ever want to sleep with you if they knew them ahead of time.”

The other man’s hold on the bags loosens. Then it returns, stronger than before, as he grumbles, “Please, no one’s kinks are that weird.”

“You have no idea what mine are.”

“Then how about you give me a demonstration, huh?” Lumberjack snaps.

Joseph's common sense finally catches up with his thirst for comfort and, apparently, conflict.

“I, I’m sorry, did you just offer to fuck me in the middle of a fight over discount candy?”

“I....” the man lets go of the bags, chuckles, “yeah, I did. Fuck, I’m sorry, it’s been such a shitty day that my mouth decided it was gonna do whatever it took to stay in that fight.”

Joseph laughs a little, slumping against the shelf, “I guess it’s nice to know I’m not the only person in town whose Valentine’s Day didn’t go to plan.”

“No kidding. Though, uh, I didn’t get dumped this month. It was three months ago. He did tag me in all those photos today though.”

“That’s so rude.”

“Not as rude as leaving your boyfriend stranded in the mountains.”

B-grade pop hits fill the awkward silence between them.

“I, uh, this might be way outta line, but I got an idea; if you buy the candy, I can take us back to my place and bake something with it. That way we can both enjoy it, and you won’t be stuck wandering around in the cold.”

He runs a quick is-this-a-serial-killer scan of the man in front of him.

“Sure. But just so you know, I’m opening the Reeses in the car.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Feeling better?” Barclay, his host, wipes stray cupcake crumbs from his lips.

“Much.” He polishes off his second coffee-cocoa cupcake with M&Ms in the batter, lifts his coffee cup, “this place is lucky to have you.”

Barclay blushes the same way he has every time Joseph compliments his cooking, home, or taste in books. They’ve spent the last ninety minutes in the kitchen of Barclay’s small, A-Frame cabin, one of eight laid out in a half circle behind Amnesty Lodge. The cook explained that the cabins were for staff or long term residents, and that while the Lodge sometimes had vacancies, this week had seen them swamped.

The rain alternates between pleasant pitter-pats and drops that could kill a small bird, so Joseph is incredibly grateful to Barclay for giving him a place to shelter. When he thanks him, the cook shrugs with a little smile, “you shouldn’t leave nice things out in the rain.”

As they’re cleaning up the dishes, Barclay passes him a plate and says, “You can stay here tonight. If, uh, if you want. The couch isn’t much, but it’s dry and I’ve got a bunch of spare blankets.”

“That’d be great, thank you. And, um, thank you for being so nice to me, given how we met.”

“Eh, no one who’s in a Walgreens after ten is in a good mood. And, uh, it’s nice to have someone to talk with. I’m kinda the quiet one of my friends, and work is mostly calling orders and stuff.” He pulls the coffee pot from the heat, “can I top you off?”

“Yes, please.” His caffeine tolerance is so high a few cups late at night doesn’t mess with his sleep. Barclay is sticking with tea, something scented like cardamon and comfort.

They move to the couch that’s clearly been re-covered a dozen times, Barclay only getting up to turn on some music; delta blues, if Joseph’s ear is right. It’s not until the clock strikes one thirty that Joseph notices they’re sitting so close that their knees bump whenever one of them turns to talk.

“Okay, I gotta ask” Barclay’s brown eyes shine sweet and playful, “what exactly was so weird about your kinks that your dickhead ex went out of his way to mention them?”

He thinks a moment, scanning his body and noticing he’s more relaxed than he’s been in weeks, including all the times he spent with his ex. Something about the faint scent of dish-soap on Barclays hands, the gentle smile that makes Joseph certain that--for all his bulk--if Joseph told him to roll over and show his belly, he’d do it in an instant, the way he doesn’t rolls his eyes or shy away when Joseph talks, all of that makes him calm. Which makes him bold.

“Wait right here.” He hops up, grabs his bag from the door and pulls it over to the rug by the couch. All he has to do to reveal his secret is lift his pajamas.

“Holy fuck.” Barclay leans forward, “you really came prepared.”

“It was supposed to be a romantic getaway. I...we’d never used any of this together, but I hoped we might this time. It’s, it’s not his fault, I know my tastes aren’t for everyone, and we had plenty in common in bed. But he went through this whole thing where he said we should share our deepest fantasies. Apparently wanting to be choked is fine, but wanting to fuck Mothman is not.”

“That’s what this one is.” Barclay picks up one of the two dildos, black with lots of swirling ridges.

“That’s actually my dragon one. Um.” he holds up the ovipositor toy, “this one is supposed to be mothman.”

Barclay squishes one of the silicone eggs, “that feels kinda nice. What else did you bring?”

His genuine interest is not helping Joseph keep his hopes under control.

“The other toy is the ‘bigfoot’ model. And this is, um, this is my newest one, I was so excited I pre-ordered it. It acts like a cock-sleeve, but this part here is supposed to mimic a, um, a knot.”

“Like the idea of getting knotted, babe?” The cook’s voice is a little deeper than when he last spoke, and rather than pulling away he’s inching into Joseph’s space.

“Yes. I, um, I’m getting the sense” he shifts so his hands are on Barclay’s knees, “that we might have something in common besides our taste in leftover candy.”

“I packed all this so carefully” he brushes their lips together, “it’d be a shame to let it sit unused.”

Barclay scoops him into a kiss, growling happily when Joseph instantly parts his lips. His beard is soft and tickly under Joseph’s palms, and his mind takes the thought of getting beard-burn on his thighs and runs so far with it that he almost misses what Barclay says next.

“In that case, you better decide if you want me to open your ass up so I can fuck you with a knot, or if you wanna do it yourself.”

“I prefer to do it myself.”

A second kiss, a bit gentler this time, “bedroom’s at the end of the hall. Get naked and wait for me there?”

“Roger that, big guy.”

When Barclay growls this time it’s rougher, jumping out of his chest and seeming to surprise him.

Joseph undresses as Barclay stops off in the bathroom, rifling through the medicine cabinet while Joseph folds his clothes. He’s down to his boxers when he remembers there is a conversation he needed to have before it hit this point.

“You trying to get me to rip those off with my teeth?” Barclay grins as he sets some condoms and lube on the bed and starts taking off his pants.

“I, um, there’s something you should be aware of. We don’t have the same, um, set-up.”

Barclay furrows his brow, gets his meaning, then nods, “no problem. If you’re okay with that part of you being involved I, uh, I just got a really, really good idea for what to do.”

“It’s not always the case, but tonight I definitely want it involved. I want you inside me as many ways as possible.”

“Fuck yeah.” Barclay tosses his shirt into the laundry, “get your ass open enough to take that knot.”

He slips the condom on, douses it with lube, and presses the first finger in, discovering that he's unable to stop complimenting Barclay for even five seconds while he finishes disrobing. The flush under his dark chest hair is unendingly charming, as is the little whine he makes at Joseph telling him he likes how big he is.

“I, I’m serious, ahhn, it’s rare to find someone taller than me and I really like it.”

“Feeds into the monster thing?” Barclay crawls beside him, laying down so he can kiss him as he works the second finger in.

“In a way.”

A deep, rumbly chuckle that has Joseph fucking himself hurriedly, “Don’t be coy, babe. You like the thought of something big and hairy getting a hold of you and not letting you go until you’re dripping cum.”

“Holy shit, yes” he gets the third finger in, sighing as Barclay nuzzles his neck.

“Well, I’m not bigfoot, but I’m betting I’ll do just fine.”

“More than fine.” Joseph kisses him, feels him smile in a way that melts his heart like cheap chocolate.

“Got some other theories about you, babe, but you gotta wait until you’re on my dick to hear ‘em.” Barclay sits up, stroking his cock in time with Joseph’s hand, “fucking-A, can’t believe your ex didn’t wanna stick around for this. You look like a fucking porn star; we oughta record you getting fucked in your suit and sell if for big bucks.”

He moans, pulling his fingers free, “Fuck me now. Please.”

“Fuck that’s hot.” Barclay works the sleeve down over his cock, sits up against the wall, “come sit in my lap, facing away.”

Joseph straddles him, gasps when the head of his cock presses in. He prepped well, but all the same he has to take his time wiggling his way down. Barclay caresses him, grunting and whimpering whenever he moves, breath prickling the hairs at the base of his neck. It’s heavenly.

When he hits the knot, Barclay rubs more lube on it, but it stays outside of him as he grinds on it. Between moans, the cook manages to say, “want me to start the next part?”

“Yes, please.”

Barclay loads the ovipositor with the three eggs, praises Joseph for being a good boy when he spreads his legs to accommodate the head of the toy.

“I, I thought you had more you were going to tell me?” He tilts his head awkwardly to kiss Barclay’s shoulder.

“Uh huh.” Barclay slowly works the toy in and out, doing his best to sync it to the rolls of his hips, “I think you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t just want one monster; you want ‘em all.”

“Variety is, ohgod, part of a healthy sex life.”

“I don’t mean one monster on one day and a different one on another. I think you want them all at once.”

“Oh yes, oh! Ohohoh” he kicks his legs as the first egg pushes in, “fuck, Barclay, please keep going.”

“Whatever you want, babe.” He nuzzles Joseph’s hair, “that’s how I came up with this plan; seeing all those different dicks made me think you’d, fuck, you’d like me to pretend there was more than just me fucking you.”

Joseph nods, clinging to Barclays arm and bearing down on the knot.

“Can just see it now; you got yourself lost in the woods out here, go looking for help only to find a whole bunch of monsters waiting for you. Spend the rest of the night pressed into the dirt and leaves while every cryptid from, fuck” he bucks his hips, “from here to Canada had their turn.”

“Shit, shit” the knot starts pushing in, “y-you’ve got my number, big guy.”

“Yeah?” Barclay squeezes the base of the toy as he talks, causing the remaining two eggs to push their way in, Joseph’s body clenching around them, “you want a night where all your good for is being fucked, where if you beg for a break you get a bigfoot fucking your throat and werewolves cumming on your chest instead of them all mobbing you at once?”

“Shit, yes, YESohfuck” the knot enters him as Barclay shoves his hips down, “ohmygod that’s good, fuck, I feel so full, you’re so smart, this was genius, fuck you know how to treat meAHannnfuck, shit.” He holds on to Barclays arm’s as the other man fucks him with abandon.

“Oh I know, babe. Know I was fucking right. You wanna be claimed, wanna be owned, wanna be bred by a whole fuckin pack-”

“Jesuschrist” it’s hard to breathe at the pace Barclay sets, his body aching to cum but not quite able to get there. He squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing frantically at his dick as Barclay loses himself in the fantasy.

“You’d be so cute, leaves in your hair and cum on your chin, taking it all and begging for more. Good thing you’re so needy, you could tear a pack apart with folks fighting over who gets to fuck you, fuck, Joseph, baby, you’re so fucking good, gonna be so fucking good to you, fuck, fuck” he shoves as deep as he can while he cums, and in the haze of pleasure Joseph swears claws prick the skin of his chest. Just the thought of that sends his own orgasm coursing through him, his body tensing and twisting on Barclay’s cock, making them both moan from sudden overstimulation.

“S-sorry” Barclay pants.

“Nothing to apologize for, just physiology, here, let me ow, ow, okay maybe I should have relaxed more first.” He’s free of both toys, but that was right on the edge of too painful. He waits for Barclay to take off the sleeve, then rolls the bigger man so his head is on his chest.

“Your ex didn’t know how good they had it.”

“Thanks, babe.”

He smiles, “I like that. No one ever calls me something that informal.”

“Call you it whenever you want. Babe.” Barclay kisses his arm, “you can, uh, stay in bed if you want. We don’t have a ton of time together so I’d, uh, well, I’d like to spend as much of it with you as I can.”

For the first time, Joseph wishes his vacation would last longer.

“Agreed, big guy.”

--------------------------------------------------

“You said you had my new assignment, sir?”

“Yes. Agent Stern, you will be going to the town of Kepler to investigate the events described in this file.” Agent Hayes passses him the folder.

“Understood, sir.”

Joseph manages to keep his smile to himself all the way to his desk.

[dahniwitchoflight]

man, a lot been happening on the internet lately, talking about content creators and parasocial relationships being a big topic recently

I almost don’t wanna post anything about it, cuz I’m not sure how to avoid any sort of stirring of the pot, but there’s an angle to this situation that I think a lot of people are confused about, and that’s “where does the fault lie when a person gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?”

And people I guess are thinking this is some sort of case of power dynamic’s, but I think thinking of it in these terms is incorrect to be perfectly honest

does a content creator seem to have a lot of sway over someone who’s fallen into a parasocial relationship with them? sure it can seem that way

but is that the content creator’s fault? No, as bad as that sounds to the tumblr crowd

this is NOT the power dynamic between an abusive father and their child, or a skeezy boss and their secretary, or any other real abusive power dynamic where the victim faces some sort of real consequence for not being compliant with the abuser’s wishes

this is the dynamic between a casino and someone with a gambling addiction.

can you argue that the gambling addiction/parasocial relationship wouldn’t exist without the casino/creator existing? sure you can

can you argue that it’s within the interests of the casino/content creator to get customers and fans? absolutely

but can you also say that the problem in the situation here is inherent to the person with the actual addiction problem here? someone who gets too invested in the scenario through their own desires and or addiction problems? That many people can go to a casino or be a fan of a person in a perfectly reasonable healthy amount and never get hurt or encounter any issues? Yeah

Even if you dislike the casino/creator and have hard feelings for putting you into a situation where you believed you were gonna win it all, even though the odds of that happening were never in your favor, and rightfully feel you’ve been victimized by them, the casino/creator existing and doing there thing I really don’t believe is the thing at fault here

I think there’s something to the idea that people who are vulnerable to addictions like gambling and thinking that theyll win the jackpot of millions against impossible odds is not too dissimilar from a singular fan of some content creator thinking, this is it, I’m the one theyll fall in love with over everyone else, against all the odds itll be me

and also whatever prevents them from realizing that the consequences of losing would apply to them as well, other people in the casino might lose all their savings, but it wont happen to me. Other people might get lost in the fantasy and then end up being dumped, but it wont be me

I think the brain juice would see these as very similar situations, and this addiction angle I think explains a lot for how people get into parasocial relationships in the first place and why they feel like it’s so hard to get out 

but people are still free to believe that casino’s/content creators are morally corrupt institutions, just from their nature of the fact that their livelihood depends on people and fans crowding to their type of entertainment

At the end of the day, they cannot control what their fans are going to do, they can’t read the minds of anyone who chooses to come to their establishment, they can’t know at a glance or through conversation who’s going to get addicted and who isn’t, they can only see warnings signs after the fact and then damage control, it’s just a messy reality of life that it happens

There are best practices to prevent these types of things sure but those don’t catch every case and inevitably there are going to be people who fall through the cracks anyway

the correct approach here is to mitigate the addiction problem. that’s the real thing at fault here, not any one person

so to answer the question, where does the fault lie when someone gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?

you might be a victim yes, but not a victim of the casino, as much as it can feel like that, your a victim of an unfortunate affliction

people can be dismissive and yell all they want about alcoholics being drunks, or gamblers having no spine and should just be able to not go to a casino, or people who are overinvested fans should just be able to stop back and not care about a creator so much, but I understand that it’s not that easy

but it still doesn’t make it the fault of whatever you got addicted to, It doesn’t make it anyone’s fault, and the casino/creator has less power over an addicted individual than you think, short of banning them entirely, there isn’t much they can do from their end to mitigate an individual’s behavior, I think that is something some people need to hear, I hope people don’t think I’m callous or believe that people weren’t genuinely hurt by the events that happened to them or something

but the fix to this problem doesn’t lie on the casino’s/creator’s end, it lies in mitigating the addictive disorder in the individual’s in particular’s end

this is purely speaking from someone who runs a blog and has thoughts for a fandom that once upon a time a lot of people seem really invested in, (not so much nowadays lol) 

I cannot control anyone of you, I don’t know any one of you, no matter how much I might try or get close or how close any person out there gets to me, I still can’t predict when I might encounter someone who seems overly starstruck, and in no way do I have the ability to navigate those kinds of relationships properly. I simply do not have that sort of therapeutic training and I think it’s a little bit unreasonable for people to expect that from me, despite how charismatic or not I seem like

I just have indeed had instances where another person got really overinvested in “Dahni Witch of Light”  and wanted to be in my inner circle of socialness and friends and might have been hurt when I declined that, but at the same time, I can’t do anything about that  (thankfully I’m not any sort of real popular LOL and it’s only really happened like once or twice, that I know of, since they made their feelings clear to me in private, but that’s still one or two people that might have gotten hurt)

So what does this all have to do with stuff?

I’ve read all the anecdotes about both Dan Avidan and Vinny Vinesauce, read all the docs, see all these people’s point of view, and yeah it sucks that they got hurt by the circumstances, but all that stuff meant to paint these people in a bad light? did more to me to paint them in a really good light

I saw nothing but people making sure they had the comfort and consent of everything they were involved in, doing best practices when it comes to relationships, talking about their feelings, about their expectations and also doing what they can to protect themselves and their privacy

again the worst things I saw about either of them, is danny building up the fantasy of being with a rockstar a bit too much, egging on any potential parasocial relationship issues that might have already existed, and vinny giving someone HPV (which, is debunked in of itself because that’s not how HPV works in men, even outside of vinny that’s just not how it works.)

the rest of all the stuff I saw esp in the vinny doc, was people not even accusing vinny of saying or doing anything wrong either, but miles and miles of “I assumed he was thinking x” or ”I assumed he was feeling y” and no attempts to communicate with him about any issues they had with him, because they felt awkward doing so, and instead let it fester inside them until they got hurt by it

this is not sexual assault, their mild discomfort about stuff never even happened over sexual topics, just bland things like him over-venting to them sometimes or having lowkey mental issues like being paranoid a little, this is not even being intentionally hurt by someone,  this is being bad at communicating with your partner and letting yourself endure a relationship you weren’t actually happy with, because you didn’t want to get dumped by the person you were invested in

and if you feel like you can’t honestly communicate with your partner, not because of anything they did to you, but because of your own internal conflict over how famous he is, and feeling like you’re forced to endure things you aren’t vibing with in a personal relationship

(mind you, I mean the things they said they endured in the doc which was, they didn’t like when vinny would get ranty about his friends or previous sexual encounters he had that went bad or they got weirded out because they thought he was too paranoid about stuff when they were together....which... okay so like tell him you don’t want to hear about that stuff? communicate your problems to your partner? end of story? you never even attempted that, you never even gave examples of things you thought he would do to you other than dump you if you spoke up...... which, I’m sorry, but that’s not some sort of consequence a victim faces from their abuser.... so you can’t even say he would have had a bad reaction, especially when you give examples of him doing exactly the opposite, apologizing for things that made other people uncomfortable WHEN theyve actually communicated to him that they were uncomfortable with it)

 -Those are signs that you are too overinvested and too parasocially invested with a person to have an honest relationship with them

like, heck these things aren’t even unique to partnerships, you should be able to communicate when anyone around you is making you uncomfortable, even friends, but if you can’t and the only reason you can’t is because of a parasocial investment in that person, that’s not healthy on your end

Danny sure seems to have been a little bit at fault for building up the fantasy of catching feelings for a famous dude when he intended one night stands, is that the best way to have navigated the situation? No probably not, but to a person who doesn’t have a parasocial relationship with him, this behavior would just be disappointing when the fantasy fizzled out, it’s not inherently harmful

after that point, if after the fact a person who had any sort of interaction with them felt hurt by the experience, there honestly is not much more a content creator could have done to mitigate that, in fact Vinesauce I think seems at least more aware of the parasocial thing and tried more strongly to vet the people he was with to not be those kind of people, but again people aren’t mind readers and nothing will ever be foolproof like that, and I guess some people even took him trying to vet that kind of behavior as hurtful in and of itself, (they took him venting about previous parasocial relationships he had and how paranoid and upsetting they were to him, and took it as some sort of threat against them personally, like they were trying to mindgame what exactly he was telling them, assuming he was saying something else that he wasn’t, which, is assumptions that live entirely in their own minds) but I’m just sitting here like, what else could they have done?

I get that people who had sexual relationships with these people could come away feeling really awful about it, feeling manipulated or duped in some way, but what else could have been done to prevent that from happening other than the people in question just, never interacting with anyone? Which is not a realistic solution, and doesn’t fix the problem of the victim in question moving on and getting starstruck by someone else and having it happen it all over again

If these people want to make friends, want to make relationships with anyone, want to have casual sex, want to have any sort of human connection, there unfortunately gonna have to sort the people they encounter into two different groups, people who have parasocial relationships with them and people who don’t, (and this is NOT people are fans of them and people who are not, you can be a fan and not get caught into the parasocial thing) and it is impossible to get this correct in every single individual social experience that theyre gonna have with every single individual human being, regardless if it’s a sexual relationship or not

in conclusion, I really do hope the people who were hurt by all this can truly heal and move on eventually from this, in no way am I trying to lessen their experiences, but I really don’t think other people deserved to be hung from the gallows over this, it’s no one person’s fault, neither the fan’s or the content creator’s, it’s just a messy interpersonal situation

I believe the correct thing to do is spread awareness about the warnings signs that you might be falling into a parasocial relationship, more effort needs to be put into what this looks like, what it feels like, how to avoid it, how to mitigate it, and how to regulate the very real feelings of love and affection someone might have for a person they see all the time in media but don’t have a real connection with, with the understanding of yeah, if you really can’t enter a casino without losing your life savings, a very real conversation needs to be had if you should even be entering these casino’s/watching their content at all

[abused-sides]

Way to Please

Read part one first, read on Ao3 

Trigger warnings: Emotional abuse, gaslighting, being called selfish, ableism, familial abuse, panic attacks, touch-starved Logan, food mention 

A/N: This is a commission! Another thanks to @darkle-elkrad​!! :D More info at the end 

Disclaimer: J. is NOT Janus, he’s an unsympathetic OC.

Read on Ao3

Logan pushed the knob on his fidget cube in slow circles. It was a simple toy, all black, and usually hidden in his pocket. He currently had it pressed between his thigh and the car door. His stomach was knotted and he stared out the window almost obsessively, counting every mile they got closer to his new school. 

“You messing with that toy again?” 

Logan looked at J. He shoved it in his pocket. “Sorry.” 

“‘S fine. People are gonna make fun of you for being a baby, though.” 

Logan’s face heated up. “I told you I won’t use it in front of other people.” 

They pulled into the college’s parking lot. Logan’s small life was packed up neatly in the backseat. J. turned the car off and sighed. 

“You sure you don’t need help moving in?” J. gave him a look. “You know how you can get.” 

Logan nodded once. “I know. But I can control that. I can move in myself, don’t worry.” 

hesitated, then sighed again. “Alright. Get out, then. Call me tonight.” 

“Yeah. Love you.” 

“Mhm.” 

Logan stacked up his three boxes and started towards his dorm. Luckily, J. had taken a few weeks off his own education and brought Logan down for a tour last week, so he knew exactly where he was going. He managed all the way to his room and fumbled for the key card in his wallet. 

He nearly dropped his boxes, and his heart leapt into his throat. He caught them just fine, but the panic remained, fizzling slowly like water down a stopped drain. His fingers itched for his cube. He ignored it, and got the door open just before the anxiety peaked. 

One half of the room was already claimed, half unpacked suitcases sprawled over the bed and wardrobe, so Logan dumped his stuff on the second bed. He immediately righted the boxes and tossed some fallen items back inside. He glanced over his shoulder. 

He was alone. 

He shoved his hand in his pocket and found the side with the buttons, mashing them down before flipping it to switch. He click-click-clacked it a few times as the tension slipped from his chest. 

He took a second to look around the room. His roommate’s life was coated in black and purple. Band tees stuck out of the half clothes drawer, notebook upon notebook littering his bed. He had a purple and black plaid quilt tossed over a gray weighted blanket. An expensive laptop sat freely on the desk. 

“...oh, come on, you are such an asshole.” The door opened and closed, and a boy with purple hair came inside, holding a phone to his ear with his arms full of sodas and candy. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, too. Sure. Later. Love you.” 

Logan blinked. 

The boy dumped his food on his bed and shoved his phone in his pocket. He raised an eyebrow. “Uh, hi.” 

Logan nodded. “Was that a… girlfriend?” 

“Nah, my brother.” He turned back to line his drinks on the shared desk. “I’m Virgil.” 

“Logan.” He hesitated, then turned to his own bed, pulling out neatly rolled up clothes. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I already picked my side.” Virgil grabbed another armful of clothes and went over to the wardrobe, punching down the fabric until he could layer more inside. 

Logan couldn’t help but say, “You could fit more if you folded them.” 

Virgil snorted. “There’s three other drawers. I’ll be fine.” 

“Right.” His face flushed. “Sorry.” 

Logan hung his clothes in the closet. They unpacked silently. Logan occasionally tapped his pocket, just to make sure his cube was still there. 

Virgil sat at the edge of his bed and held out his hand. “Let me see your class schedule?” 

Logan startled, then fumbled for his backpack. “Right— Uh, sorry, one second.” 

He found it while Virgil watched with raised eyebrows. He handed it over. Virgil hummed, gray eyes trailing over the paper. He really was striking. He was loud in a way Logan never wanted to be, but Virgil didn’t seem upset by it. It was all clearly a choice, from the way he dressed to how he styled his hair. He lounged on his bed, taking up all the space without taking his combat boots off first, chewing on his nails— likely while the nail polish was chipped. 

Nail polish. His middle fingers were painted black, the rest a strong purple. How did he have the confidence to wear nail polish? If Logan tried that, J. would make fun of him until he cried. 

“We have some Gen-Eds together,” Virgil mused. “And an art class. How long have you been drawing?” 

Logan swallowed and sat on his bed. It was clear Virgil wasn’t handing the schedule back any time soon. “Not long. I just picked it up last year, actually. It sounded, I don’t know, relaxing.” 

Virgil grinned and glanced at him. “It’s frustrating, isn’t it?” 

“It’s… hard. Harder than I expected.” 

“Can I see?” 

Logan hesitated. He reached for the box with his sketchbook, but Virgil held his hand up. 

“It’s okay. No need to look so panicked.” He chuckled. “I’ll just look later. I was going to go look around campus, make sure I know where all my classes are. Wanna come with? We can check the Gen-Eds.” 

Logan really didn’t want to— he knew where his classes were, and he planned on finding good spots for his stuff —but he nodded and stood. He glanced at Virgil’s bed, where he laid on top of all of his stuff. A few things crumpled and crunched as he rolled onto his feet. 

“Cool.” He grabbed a Monster off the desk and popped it open. “Let’s go.” 

Virgil wasn’t actually as loud as he looked. He had the confidence down, and he teased Logan quite a bit, but he was very… calm. Logan would never admit it out loud, but he was jealous. He could never be that sure of himself. 

After finding their Gen-Eds, they agreed to stick together to find their other classes as well. Logan admitted to having already visited his— Virgil laughed —so they set off to find Virgil’s. 

Once they got to the last class on the list, Virgil stopped. “Shit,” he whispered. “Oh, shit.” 

Logan frowned. “What is it?” 

The wind blew through Virgil’s bangs, revealing wide, anxiety-filled eyes. The courtyard was mostly empty, the occasional student passing by a couple dozen feet away. 

“They put me in the wrong class.” Virgil pushed his hair back and drew in a shaky breath. “We agreed I’d be in the morning class, I— I can’t make this one, I don’t know— fuck.” 

“Hey.” Logan took a small step closer. “Hey, it’s okay. We can just go talk to someone, right?” 

Virgil shook his head quickly. His breathing was speeding up. “No, are you kidding? They’re probably so busy, this is stupid. I just— fuck, I’ll have to make it work.” 

“Virgil, no.” Logan laughed weakly. “No, come on, we can fix this. Breathe, right?” 

“‘Breathe—’ Right, fuck, I’m not… I’m not breathing.” 

Logan held his hands out, and Virgil scrambled to take them. Logan held them tight. “Uh, just follow my breathing.” 

Logan helped him right himself, a few tears slipping out from Virgil’s eyes, but he mostly got himself back together pretty fast. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Virgil gave Logan their schedules and pushed his sweaty palms down his pants. He wiped his face. “Sorry, that was… stupid.” He fiddled with the zipper on his hoodie. 

“No, it wasn’t. I… uh, here.” Logan hesitated, then found his fidget cube and pressed it into Virgil’s hand. 

Virgil looked at it in surprise. His fingers naturally found the side with the buttons, click-click-clicking. “Oh. Thanks. I had one of these last year but I lost it.” 

Logan blinked. “Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ll give it back though, don’t worry.” 

“Let’s go talk to the registrar. We can tell them your schedule is conflicting.” 

Virgil stared at the cube. He flicked the dial a few times, listening to the light crank as it snapped back. “Are you sure?” He mumbled. 

Logan forced a smile against his nerves. “Of course. Better to do it now then wait until it’s worse.” 

“That’s true. Okay.” He laughed weakly and straightened his shirt out. “Right, you’re right. Sorry about this.” 

“It’s fine,” Logan promised. 

Logan walked with him down to the registrar's office and it ended up being an easy fix. Virgil walked out while rolling his eyes. 

“I can’t believe that gave me a panic attack. Shit, I’ve had panic attacks over some dumb things, but… wow.” 

Logan laughed. “It’s a… big day. Don’t worry about it. I, uh… I had a couple today, too.” 

“Well, panic attacks make me hungry. Do you want to go grab something to eat?” 

Logan nodded. “Sure.” 

They stopped outside their dorm building. Virgil texted for a moment, then said, “I have a car we can borrow. Come on.” 

They found a silver truck in the Junior’s parking lot. Virgil pulled the keys out of his pocket. “It’s my brother’s,” he said. “I’ve got a spare key.” 

“Your brother sounds cool.” Logan climbed into the passenger side. 

It was a very tall truck. His face heated up as he struggled a little to get inside. 

“He’s an asshole,” Virgil laughed. “What do you want to eat?” 

“Uh—” Logan’s mind blanked. “Um… I don’t— I don’t know, what do you want?” 

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Um… Okay, well, I know a Chinese place close by that’s good. We can grab one to bring back?” 

Logan nodded and relaxed into his seat. “Yeah. That’s good.” 

Virgil pulled out of the parking lot. They took their food to go, Logan managing to find a kosher option fairly easily, and ate while flipping through Netflix. They found a show they’d both been wanting to watch and got stuck on it easily. They ended up watching the entire first season, only stopping to break open Virgil’s collection of snacks.  

Logan went to bed that night, later than he ever had, feeling better than he ever had. 

xxx 

“Hey, I’m going to see my brother. Want to come?” 

Logan looked up from his homework in surprise. “Um… sure?” 

Virgil had been acting weird lately. He invited him to go somewhere or do something every day. If Logan showed the slightest bit of hesitation, he backed off, but there he was again the next day. If Logan did hesitate, Virgil wouldn’t let him go back on it. Logan didn’t understand it. 

He’d also started acting more nervous around Logan. Less sure of himself. Logan worried he did something. But if he did, there’s no way Virgil would want him to meet his brother, would he? 

He settled his homework neatly back inside his binder and checked a few things off his planner before grabbing his phone and wallet. He followed Virgil outside, where the streetlights glowed warmly against the dark sky, and across the courtyard. The Junior dorm buildings looked identical to the Freshmen’s, only a bit bigger. Inside, their lobby was much more taken care of, and looked more like a gameroom than anything. Groups of students sat with decks of cards, at vending machines, at pool tables. Instead of heading up to the dorms, Virgil led Logan to a small group of kids settled in bean bag chairs. 

A boy with striking similarities to Virgil— all angles and bones, the same gray eyes —sat with another boy, covered in freckles, settled in his lap. 

“Hey, Jan. Hey, Patton.” Virgil placed a light hand on Logan’s shoulder. The touch burned through his shirt, and Logan nearly sucked in a breath. “This is Logan, he’s my roommate.” 

“Wow, you’re getting along with your roommate?” Janus asked in surprise. “I guess I owe Patton ten bucks.” 

“You do not!” Patton rolled his eyes with a smile. “We did not make a bet, Virgil. He’s doing his thing.” 

“I know,” Virgil laughed. 

He pulled the last free bean bag chair towards them and yanked Logan down with him. Their sides pressed together, the bag molding them against each other, Logan couldn’t breathe. He managed to settle himself on the edge of the chair. His side was cold as ice, his heart racing. Virgil gave him a weird look before shoving it off and looking back to Janus. 

Logan thought briefly when the last time he had a hug was. Surely not that long ago, right? Parents hugged their children all the time. But he couldn’t quite recall. If he’d been hugged recently, would he still have the strong urge to reach out and feel Virgil’s hair? To take his hand and trace Virgil’s fingers? To feel Virgil’s palm against his face? 

Logan’s face flushed. Stop acting creepy. 

“What are we playing?” Virgil asked. 

Virgil helped him through the card game. It became obvious towards the third round that Janus was cheating, mostly because Patton scolded him loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Wait, he’s been cheating?” Virgil threw his cards down dramatically. “You bitch!” 

Janus laughed as Virgil kicked the cards at him. Logan tensed. 

“Stop fighting!” Patton sighed, but he was smiling. Why was he smiling? He batted his eyelashes at Janus. “Baby, buy me a snack?” 

Janus picked Patton up, stood, then tossed Patton into the bean bag chair. He squealed. 

“Don’t use that voice on me.” Janus leaned down and kissed him softly. “Totally unfair.” 

“Oh, is it?” 

They mumbled together for a moment between kisses. Logan was certain his face had never been so red. Virgil picked up a card and flung it at them. 

“Gross! I don’t want to see my brother make out with anyone!” 

Janus snorted as he pulled away and found his wallet. “That’s just because you’ve never made out with anyone.” 

Virgil’s ears turned red. “That’s not true! Gah!” 

Janus left to the vending machine, and Patton relaxed into the chair with a wide grin. “So Logan, what are you studying?” 

“Physics,” he mumbled. “Are you two okay?” 

Virgil looked at him in surprise. “Me and Janus?” 

Logan nodded. 

“Uh, yeah? Why?” 

“You guys were fighting?” 

Patton giggled while Virgil raised an eyebrow. “We weren’t fighting, we were joking. You don’t have brothers?” 

“No, I have one. He’s two years older than me.” 

“Alright… what’s his name? Maybe Janus knows him.” 

“He doesn’t go to this school.” Logan found his fidget cube in his pocket and rolled his thumb around the metal ball. “He’s at a college in our hometown.” 

“You moved away for college?” Patton asked in surprise. 

“What’s going on?” Janus dropped into Patton’s lap and pressed several packets of gummies into his palm with a kiss to his cheek. 

“Logan went to college out of state to get away from his brother,” Virgil said. 

Logan’s eyes widened. “That’s not true!” 

Virgil bumped their shoulders together. 

“If Virgil tried going to college out of state without a good reason, I’d kill him.” Janus pulled Patton closer. “Seriously. I’d be worried out of my mind.” 

“You don’t…” Logan hated to confirm Virgil’s suspicion, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “you don’t need, like, a break?” 

Everyone stared at him. 

“No,” Janus said flatly. “No, I actually love my brother.” 

“Gross,” Virgil mumbled, but his ears were red again. 

“I love my brother,” Logan insisted. 

“Oh, we don’t doubt that.” 

“I just— I don’t know. You guys were fighting yesterday morning, too.” 

Virgil stared at him in confusion, until it clicked. He laughed. “You mean when I was on the phone? Lo, he called me a coffee gremlin so I told him to fuck off. It wasn’t a fight. We were just messing with each other.” 

Heat steadily climbed up Logan’s neck. He closed his hand around his cube until it hurt. He wanted to curl in on himself, escape the conversation, and never see any of them again. 

“What the hell does your brother call you?” Janus asked. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Logan said weakly. “We’re just— we’re not as close as you, I guess.” 

“Logan, it’s okay,” Patton said softly, face pinched with worry. “You can talk about it. No one’s here to judge you, we’re not trying to force you to be grateful for your family or anything.” 

Janus squeezed Patton’s shoulder. “Yeah, we know about shitty families, if that’s what this is.”

“And that’s the vibe I’m getting,” Virgil added. “The shit Janus calls me doesn’t bother me. I tell him if he says something fucked up. What does your brother do?” 

“I— I don’t know, I don’t know.” Logan pushed his sweaty palms against his jeans. “He just… gets mad sometimes. You know?”

“No,” Virgil said flatly. “What does he do when he’s mad?” 

“He just… gets mad.” Logan’s voice trembled. He didn’t know how to get out of this. He made a big deal out of it, something that so clearly wasn’t a big deal, and now he was just stuck. “I guess he, I don’t know, he calls me selfish sometimes.” 

“Like when?” Patton asked. He’d leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees, brows knitted. 

Logan stuttered through a few stories off the top of his head. He’d tried to tell them in a casual way, insist that it wasn’t a big deal and he was fine, but everyone was so… concerned. Virgil’s fists clenched around his hoodie, Janus’ eyes narrowed. Logan ducked his head. He was shaking. 

He scrambled to his feet. “I’m sorry, I think I— I think I need to go.” 

“Logan,” Virgil sighed. “We can stop talking about it, but come on. You can’t like the way he treats you.” 

“Does it matter?” 

Everyone paused. Logan pressed a hand to his forehead. 

“No,” Janus’ voice dripped with sarcasm, “of course not. People can just do whatever they want to you with no consequences.” He waved his hand. “Who cares, right?” 

Logan froze up. His muscles were pulled taut, eyes squeezed shut, his body wilting like a dead flower. 

“Janus,” Patton scolded. 

He sighed. “Sorry. Look, of course it matters. Come on, sit down. Everything is fine.” 

Logan didn’t believe that. But he sat anyway. He answered their questions. He explained everything as honestly as he could. 

Part of him wanted to defend J., to insist that it really wasn’t that bad and J. loved him. But Logan wasn’t sure if J. did love him. He’d heard how Virgil talked about Janus, and there wasn’t a doubt in Logan’s mind that J. would never talk about him that way. He’d seen how Janus looked at Virgil, sometimes angry but usually in a protective way. It wasn’t like anything Logan had seen from J. 

Hearing them throw around the words ‘abusive,’ ‘manipulative,’ and even ‘gaslighting,’ was hard. Logan jammed the joystick on his fidget cube around so much he almost broke it, bouncing his leg up and down, eventually having to get up and pace. He kept waiting for the snapping, for everyone to tell him how annoying he was being and that he needed to sit and be quiet. They didn’t. 

It was almost uncomfortable. 

The conversation eventually moved— Logan was simultaneously relieved and disappointed —but everyone looked at him different after that. Before Virgil and Logan went back to their room, Patton offered a hug. Logan hesitated, and was about to step into Patton’s arms, when Virgil grabbed his shoulder— just long enough to make him pause. 

“You don’t have to say yes,” he said flatly. 

Patton’s eyes widened. “Oh, gosh! Right! Of course not. Sorry, Logan.”

Logan cleared his throat. “It’s okay.” 

On the walk back, Virgil said, “We’re going to have to work on that.” 

Logan shoved his hands in his pockets. With Fall kicking in full force, it was freezing outside at night, their breath coming out as fog. 

“Work on what?” He mumbled. His body was heavy, eyes lidded. 

“Your whole people pleaser bullshit. You don’t have to say yes to everything. It’s okay to not want to do something.” 

Logan swallowed. He shrugged. 

Virgil stepped in front of Logan and crossed his arms. “We need to set some boundaries, or else I can’t be friends with you. I’m not going to hurt you because you won’t communicate. I won’t be like J.” Virgil stared for a moment, eyes swiping over Logan’s face. His eyes softened. “I won’t be mad. You’re just going to have to trust me on that.” 

“I don’t…” Logan’s heart thumped in his ears. He pressed his thumb against the buttons of his cube. “I don’t really… I don’t know how to handle being touched.” 

Virgil’s eyebrows raised. “Oh? I mean, okay. So don’t touch you, then?” 

“Maybe, just… I don’t know, not that often?” Logan bounced on the balls of his feet. The cold had wormed its way into his bones, and he felt like if he didn’t move he’d either go crazy or freeze to death. 

“Come on, let’s get inside.” Virgil nodded towards the door. 

They didn’t talk until they were settled into their beds and the lights were off. 

“Thanks for telling me,” Virgil said. “I’ll talk to the others, too. You can always reach out if you want.” 

Logan’s eyes watered. He was grateful for the dark. “Yeah,” he whispered. 

“Goodnight, Lo.” 

“Goodnight, Virgil.” 

xxx 

Virgil and Logan laid on their stomachs, on the floor. Notebooks and textbooks were spread out in front of them, covered in highlighter and pen. 

It was a few months after Logan had confessed about J., and a few things were becoming apparent. 1) Virgil was not giving up on him. Neither were Janus or Patton. 

2) J. probably, almost definitely, did not love Logan. 

Every day it was becoming more and more clear. 

Logan had never been treated the way Virgil and his friends treated him. Sometimes they argued, sometimes Logan was so frustrated and confused he wanted to cry, but they never made him feel like he wasn’t important. Every fight was important. And for the first time, he was able to move on from them. Even when things weren’t quite resolved, even when there was still more to talk about— that didn’t stop Virgil from inviting him out to dinner, from joining him to study, for putting on a bad horror movie. 

“Alright,” Virgil sighed, pushing the textbook away and burying his face in his arms. His voice came out muffled, “if I look at American History anymore I’m going to die. What next?”

“Uh…” Logan cleared his throat and looked at their stack of remaining textbooks. 

Semester finals were coming up in the next month and Logan was severely behind in Calculus. 

“I don’t— I don’t know, what do you want to do next?” 

Virgil picked his head up sluggishly. He blinked at Logan for a second, hair mussed, wrinkles under his eyes. He grabbed their stack of textbooks and dragged it closer. 

He hummed as he looked through it, then pulled the Calculus and Economics textbooks. He shoved the others away. “Which one?” 

“Um…”

“Come on, I’m good with either. Which one?” 

Logan hesitated, then pushed away the Economics book. 

“Cool.” Virgil flipped the textbook open. “Come on, I want to get this done.” 

Logan flushed. He scrambled to find his notebook and flashcards, struggling to focus. A sturdy feeling of control settled over Logan’s bones, something he didn’t think he’d ever felt before. 

xxx 

“Almost ready to go?”

“Uh, yeah, just let me—” 

Logan yanked the blanket down his bed, then pushed aside his pillow. He relaxed and snatched his fidget cube, shoving it in his pocket. 

“Okay.” He straightened up. “I’m ready. Let’s go.” 

They left their dorm and headed downstairs. They’d planned to meet Janus and Patton in the parking lot so they could all go to this arcade nearby. Janus had jokingly (jokingly?) called it a double date. 

“Yeah, there’s this zombie game you’d really like,” Virgil rambled as they stepped outside. He immediately tensed against the cold and stepped closer to Logan. Logan shuffled against him, their shared body heat negligible. 

The parking lot appeared ahead and Logan stopped. 

“Lo?” Virgil frowned. “What’s up?” 

got out of his car and grinned as his eyes landed on Logan. He waved. 

“Um…” Shit. “I— I don’t know, uh—” 

“Logan!” 

Virgil looked over his shoulder as J. headed towards them. His face darkened. “Is that J.?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Hey!” J. stopped in front of them and grinned. “Surprise. Come on, let’s go grab dinner. Who’s this?” 

“Virgil.” Logan stepped closer. “My roommate, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah. Well anyway, let’s go.”

“Actually,” Virgil said in annoyance, “we had plans. Maybe you can call ahead next time.” 

quirked an eyebrow. Logan’s blood ran cold as J.’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll have to reschedule. He’s my little brother, I’m sure you can find someone else to drag along.” 

Virgil scoffed and glanced back at Logan, then stopped. “You’re not really considering this, are you?” 

Logan looked between them, helpless. He was terrified of upsetting either of them, but there was no way to please both of them. 

“I— I don’t know. J., we had plans,” he said quietly. 

“You can reschedule.” J. grabbed Logan’s arm and pulled him closer. “I haven’t seen you in forever, don’t be selfish.” 

“You don’t have to do what he wants,” Virgil insisted. His eyes were on J., face scrunched in a glower. 

“What’s up with you?” J. asked in frustration. “You’re acting like it’s a crime to take my little brother to dinner. Just lay off, will you?” 

He stormed away, dragging Logan behind him. Virgil huffed. His footsteps echoed away. 

Please don’t be mad. 

Logan forced himself through dinner. The entire night crawled by, full of passive aggressive comments and insults Logan had forgotten how much he hated. He didn’t understand why J. came all the way down here just to ridicule him. Couldn’t he do that over text like he usually did? Didn’t he catch on to why Logan stopped answering? 

After J. drove him back to campus, way after nightfall, he grabbed Logan’s arm before he could escape. “We need to talk.” 

Logan shoved his hand in his pocket. He flicked the switch, over and over, click-click-click— 

“Will you stop playing with that fuckin’ toy? I’m being serious.”

“It calms me down,” Logan mumbled, pulling his hand out. “Sorry.” 

“I don’t like Virgil,” he said flatly. “I don’t like how he treats you and honestly he’s fucking rude. You’ve been pulling away. Mom and Dad haven’t heard from you in months. I haven’t heard from you in longer. That’s not fair to us just because you have this new friend.” 

Logan stared. What the hell was he supposed to say? I like how Virgil treats me a whole fuckton more than you do. He couldn’t say that. Even if he wanted to, which he wasn’t sure he did. 

“I’ll talk to him about it,” he lied. 

“Talk to—” J. barked a laugh, “no, ask for a new roommate. I don’t want you talking to him at all anymore, okay?” 

Logan swallowed. “He’s my best friend.” 

“That’s a problem. He’s not good for you.” 

He pulled on the door handle a few times. “Can I go? I get it, I’m sorry.” 

“You clearly don’t get it. If you did—”

Logan pulled on the handle a few more times as J. droned on. His body was lighter, his head foggy. He could see himself tugging, tugging, could watch J. getting angrier and barely made out his mouth forming the words ‘stop with the fucking door.’ 

Then he was outside. 

peeled out of the parking lot, tired squeaking over the pavement, and Logan hurried to his dorm. 

Virgil paused the T.V. as Logan got inside. He panted, chest heaving. Did he run? He didn’t remember. 

“Logan?” Virgil stood. “Hey, what’s going on? What’d he do? Did he say something?” He hurried over. 

Logan stumbled through the story. Virgil’s glare deepened with each word, and every time Logan tried to make it better, Virgil just got angrier. 

“Stop apologizing,” he snapped. “Come here, you need to sit down.” 

He held out his hand, and Logan hesitated, before taking it. As Virgil led him to the bed, Logan focused on the texture— soft and cold. The pad of Virgil’s thumb was pressed against Logan’s palm. He craved more and he wanted to rip his hand away. 

Virgil sat Logan down, then took his back back and knelt down. “Where’s your cube?”

Logan shook his head. 

Virgil glared. “Did he take it?” 

“No! I just— I don’t need it.” 

“You clearly do. Come on, have I ever made fun of you for that?” 

Logan hesitated, then fumbled to get it out. Click-click-click. Click-clack-click-click. 

“Come on, follow my breathing. It’s okay. We’re going to figure this out. You don’t need him. It’s alright.”

Virgil slowly got Logan back in his body. His breathing became his again, and he was reminded of where he was. He gripped the covers, rubbing his fingers over the plush. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed. He still panted a little, his head light. 

“Sit here. I’m gonna grab some water.” 

Virgil came back and sat next to him. He handed Logan the water, who gulped it down. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was. Virgil took the glass back, their fingers brushing, and set it on the desk. 

“I don’t think you should talk to him anymore.” 

Logan flinched. 

“I know. I know it’s confusing. It’s your decision. If you want to stay in contact with him for a little longer, I’m not going to hold that against you.”

Logan looked up in surprise. “What? But you want—”

“It’s not my life. I think he’s an asshole and I don’t think he deserves you, but I’m not going to make choices for you. Not these.” 

Logan’s eyes watered. He looked away. 

Virgil sighed. “You don’t have to do that. I won’t make fun of you.” 

He buried his face in his hands as his body shook. 

Virgil cleared his throat. “Usually when Patton cries, he wants hugs, I don’t… um… what do you need?” 

“What?” Logan’s voice cracked, and Virgil repeated himself. “A blanket?” 

Virgil reached around and pulled the blanket around Logan’s shoulders. He whispered “One second,” and rushed over to his bed. He dragged his weighted blanket over and settled that around Logan’s shoulders, too. 

Logan got his tears out while Virgil refilled his water. He took it with clammy hands, wiping his nose. “Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“You should get some sleep.” 

Logan nodded. He started to take off the weighted blanket, but Virgil held his hand up. “It’s alright. Keep it tonight.” 

Logan hesitated. “Are you sure?” 

“Wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.” 

He swallowed. “Thank you. I— thank you.” 

Virgil smiled awkwardly. “Get some sleep.” 

Logan settled into bed as Virgil turned the lights off. He brought the weighted blanket up to his nose, eyelids fluttering closed. It smelled like Virgil. It was warm. 

Logan was safe. 

xxx 

Over the rest of the school year, Logan slowly worked at cutting off his parents and J. Virgil helped him, even through the hiccups. There was a moment Logan thought he could fix things, that he and J. could reconcile— then J. gaslit him and Logan almost switched colleges. Virgil made it clear what J. was doing, and Logan hadn’t spoken to J. since. 

The two eventually agreed to get an apartment together after college. Logan got a part time job to keep his mind busy, and he barely had any free time between that and the studying, but he spent most of it with Virgil. 

“And how satisfied were you with your roommate this year?” The registrar asked as Logan sat in the oversized armchair. 

“Um, he was good. I liked my roommate.” 

“Would you like to continue rooming with him next year?” 

She barely finished speaking before Logan blurted out a ‘yes.’ She laughed and noted it down. Logan met Virgil outside afterwards, and they headed towards the Junior parking lot. 

“You said yes to rooming next year, right?” Virgil asked. 

Logan nodded. “Yeah. You?” 

“Nah, didn’t feel like it.” He smiled. “‘Course I did. You can’t get rid of me.” 

Logan laughed. “What do you want to eat?” 

“I think I’m gonna force Janus to buy me a pizza.” 

He wrinkled his nose. 

Virgil snorted. “What, you don’t want pizza?” 

“That pizzeria you like is disgusting.” 

“You’re disgusting.” 

“Come on, we eat there too much. Can’t we get something else?” 

Virgil pretended to think about it for a moment, before rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. You can pick this time. I’ll tell Janus and Patton to deal with it.” 

Logan grinned. They made it to the parking lot and piled into Janus’ truck. Logan told them what they were eating for dinner, and as Janus headed that way, Virgil nudged Logan with his elbow. 

“I’m proud of you,” he murmured. 

Patton had turned the radio on. Pop music blared through the speakers, but Logan could hear perfectly with Virgil’s mouth close to his ear. Not enough to touch. Just close. 

Logan flushed. “For what?” 

“You’ve come a long way this year.” 

“But I still—”

“Shh. Not focusing on that right now. I’m proud of you.”

Logan’s stomach filled with butterflies. Virgil pulled away with a grin, then yelled something at Janus, who flicked him off. 

Logan settled back with a smile. 

reblogs > likes 

Here’s my commission info! You can do a whole fic like this if you’d like but there’s also super cheap ficlets and drabbles, so if you like this, maybe consider throwing me a few bucks :D 

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|14

chapter 14: the side-stories

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: harry, tim, the oh shit moments and the ice cream. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing, alcohol mention, smut mention, angsty (?) 

word count: 8k

here’s a playlist

and here’s another one

and here’s another one inspired by 1D

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) :

before boarding: Haz wants free breakfast, Tim reaches out, and James gets protective

On flight : Tom joins a club, y/n tweets from the sky and Emma reaches out 

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

So, the chapter came earlier because I had time and inspo and because I really wanted to get to this chapter already. Anyway, huge thanks to @hxpeysuenxs​ for helping me out to get my ideas straight and also... PLEASE! 

Go read ‘the moment’ by @jambrosemc​ it’s a spinoff which I consider canon for Tim and y/n’s relationship. 

In movies they always manage a “meet-cute” moment, you know the guy who's walking his dog and the dog runs off to the girl of his dreams, or the clumsy— why is she always clumsy?—The clumsy girl who accidentally spills coffee on the guy and then he immediately falls in love with her. Stupid and cliché but they never fail. The repetitive script that we all know and adore. 

The guy who ends up with the girl, the girl who’s always so different from the rest. The girl who gives up her dream for a guy. You know, those incredible moments at airports when she runs to him and he declares his love, or he stops traffic or… any kind of cute crap we all know and adore. Those breathtaking moments. 

The movies, however, never show the “oh shit” moments, the moments when you realize that you’re way deep in love with them. The moment when you know that there’s no going back. The moment when you feel like you’re screwed.

Harry knew of those. Especially of the ‘oh shit’ moment, he’d had it with Y/N, when she’d turned 16. He remembered it, she had only started dating that idiot, Louis. Complete idiot, but y/n didn’t realize it until he dumped her hours before prom, but we already know that story. 

But when she turned 16, Louis had thrown her a party, under the … stars and the sea? It didn’t make any sense, not for y/n’s style. But Harry had taken her out after the party, to this café. And after hours and hours of talking and laughing. He remembered seeing y/n look outside, at the cars, and then chuckle to herself. And Harry thought she was the most beautiful girl he would ever see, with the most melodic laugh the most perfect smile. 

And that’s when Harry thought: “Oh, shit.” 

Harry also knew of the typical “meet-cute”, he’d heard of one and he’d lived one. Which wasn’t exactly how they’d met but… how one of them had realized of the existence of the other. 

Timmy and y/n had had one, long before they officially met. Harry had heard from Tim how he’d “met her” long before they’d met, the meet cute turned into the ‘oh shit’. 

Tim had already seen her, they had a class together, and the way Timmy described it, Harry knew it. Tim was perfect for y/n. 

“She’d walked in, 16 minutes late to the lecture, she didn’t even have to explain what had happened. Her head was soaking from the rain, she was carrying like twenty bags and she was holding her car keys, to the convertible, now I know exactly what happened….and she’d bit her lip and tried to quietly make her way to the back, and she failed because she dropped everything, and I remember seeing her, stare at her stuff, scoff and then she cursed under her breath, pulled out her soaking notebook and glared at me because I laughed. And I thought she hated me, but I just—I saw a main character, you know? She literally just—God, she looked so pretty. And I thought oh, shit, I don’t even know her and I’m already in love with her.” 

They were probably each other’s endgame, and Harry knew that.  How difficult it had been for him to finally accept it when they had initially started dating. 

But Harry wasn’t bitter about it, because Harry had seen y/n’s light turn off before Timmy. And slowly Timmy had brought y/n back from the death, if that made any sense at all. Y/N smiled again with Timmy, and she would laugh again and she would be herself, and that’s all Harry cared about. 

Harry knew that y/n’s sudden downfall had all to do with Tom, even though his brother never addressed that matter. Harry was completely sure that Tom and Y/N would always have unresolved issues because even if Harry didn’t like to admit it to himself, Tom and Y/N made sense, in the most stupid way they could. Even if they didn’t. Such a complicated relationship that Harry knew was only a redundant way to cover up for the fact that they probably both loved each other. Yes, Harry was not dumb and he knew Tom probably had always reciprocated y/n’s feelings. In his own particular way. 

It’s easy, when you’re in love with someone you see who else is, because you’re observant, because you know how it feels. Harry wasn’t observant but he knew his brother too well not to notice that Tom practically drooled every time y/n would walk into the room. 

No, Harry wasn’t stupid. But Harry had probably been the only one who knew. Or he thought so. 

He was very conflicted about Tom, because sometimes it genuinely seemed like y/n was his biggest enemy and that Tom was actually trying to destroy her. But there were other times when Tom wasn’t as good to hide up the fact that y/n made him blush. 

Our bodies never help us to hide up our feelings, no matter how good we think we are at hiding it and no matter how good of an actor he was. We all get weak. Specially when we are in love, it seems to be the best way to tumble down our walls. 

The eyes, Chico, they never lie.  And Tom’s eyes didn’t lie. Whether he said he hated y/n or not, Tom’s gaze was only for y/n. 

“Y/N only likes me because I’m a movie star,” Tom said once. 

But Harry didn’t stomach why Tom had never understood how y/n had loved him way long before he even considered being an actor. She’d said to Harry after Tom had gone to prom with her, how she also quite could figure it out. 

Harry remembered how Tom had broken her heart back then, he’d just been cast as Spiderman. 

“Congratulations, you now get to say Spiderman took you to prom.” 

Harry knew Tom and Y/N had kissed back then. 

“I think it’s funny how Tom always forgets I loved him before he turned into whatever he is today.” 

Tom often did forget that. Tom often forgot that y/n had loved him for a long while now. And he couldn’t really understand why his brother would continuously rip y/n’s heart apart. And why did she choose Tom over the course of the years? Harry had been right beside her, always. But he never said anything. 

Harry had almost told her how he felt before she left for Rome. He hadn’t, but he thought that she knew it. 

And it had almost happened. 

Y/N was almost finished packing, she was roaming around the room. 

“I mean it’s the whole summer,” she explained. 

“But you’re gonna wash your clothes, y/n,” Harry laughed. “Hey, what if we—take a break? You know, let’s order a pizza or something and then we will come back and finish with all this mess.” 

Y/N didn’t hesitate twice. 

Harry barely remembered how it happened, they’d ended up on the couch. Like any other night, it wasn’t special, it was just another rainy night in London. The lights went out after a lightning stroke, and y/n only jumped to his arms. 

Harry held her close, and she only hugged him back. This wasn’t weird, y/n was affectionate but of course, Harry somehow felt it was his last chance. 

He only stared deep into her eyes, and she sensed it. His eyes travelled down to her lips, and they stayed quiet, for a bit. Harry hesitated on whether he should make a move or not. He only leaned in slightly, and her gaze was scared, but she was leaning over, too. But maybe they had been tired, or maybe it had been the moment. But both of them knew it was wrong, and both of them pulled away before they could even get closer. She stood up quickly, out of his grasp. 

“Uh, I’ll… I’ll continue packing, sorry, I uh…” She didn’t say anything. “No…” 

“I’m sorry… I yeah, let’s get to packing--” 

And they had, so vigorously ignoring what just had happened. 

“Y/N about what happened-” Harry had said before he left her apartment. 

“We will talk when I come back.” 

But they hadn’t. 

Harry had noticed about three years ago just after she’d come back from Rome, how y/n’s eyes would brighten up even more each time Tom smiled, and how Tom would stop to listen whenever y/n spoke. Harry didn’t mind if they were dating. 

Not really. 

Though it was a burden to bear, the reminiscent smiles were only a hint for it. 

Of course he’d be heartbroken, we can’t control our emotions and feelings. But he’d be happy because if anything, Harry cared too much for his brother. And he genuinely loved y/n too much to impede her from being happy. 

And Harry himself had always been skeptical about his own feelings towards y/n. Had it been only a whim caused by a stupid childhood crush? No, it was love. 

It was love. There is nothing more painful than to love and know you’ll never be loved back. 

But he had accepted y/n and Tom were secretly dating back then, or whatever they were doing. Big was his surprise when they’d seen each other at the club. 

Which brings us to our meet-cute, going back to y/n and Timothee. 

Harry perfectly remembered how that night had gone, and he knew y/n, and he knew Tom. And Harry wanted an answer, if there was anything that Harry hated was the fact that Tom never admitted it. Why didn’t he? 

Or was Harry too dumb and too jealous and blaming the fact that y/n didn’t love him back that he had made himself think that Tom loved her too? 

Maybe Tom had never loved her. 

But he’d seen y/n fade away that night, he had seen how happiness had left her body. Harry could swear he had heard y/n’s heart shatter on that nightclub when Tom was kissing that pink shirt. 

And it wasn’t like this was the first time Tom broke her heart. He’d seen it again, and again, and again. And he’d seen how y/n would only take a deep breath, look away, and ignore the usual cold tear shedding. Harry would always silently offer his shoulder. 

But that night, he hadn’t. And he wondered what could’ve happened if he had. Timmy had made her smile even at that precise moment when y/n’s heart had broken into pieces. That’s how incredible Timmy was. Even in the darkest time, Timmy had made y/n smile. 

And Harry remembered wanting to fight Tom the very next day, without addressing what was really going on. He only wanted to kick his brother's ass and tell him off for breaking y/n’s heart again, but he hadn’t. Because Harry himself didn’t understand it, if they had been dating why had Tom so deliberately crushed her heart? 

That’s what Harry never understood, why would anyone do that? Make them fall in love with you only so you could hurt them? And Harry had seen Tom do it again, and again. Gaining y/n’s trust only so he could break her, betray her in any possible way. 

However, nobody had seen what had happened. Tom hadn’t gone home with that pink skirt, after y/n had left with Sam, Tom had drifted away from her, and then had left with Haz and Tuwaine. 

Tom had only pulled an act to mess with y/n. 

Harry had stayed with the other group, the one with Timmy and Emma. Emma… that was another story. 

And the very next day, Harry had seen Tom with tears in his eyes in the kitchen, looking up and asking questions to the ceiling. Swearing to himself. 

Harry didn’t talk to him initially, until he saw him coming back with yellow flowers. He seemed nervous. 

“Tom, were you and y/n on a date?” Harry had asked him. 

Tom watched him. “No.” 

“Did she know that?” Asked Harry with venom. 

“Yes.” 

“Are you fucking sure?” Harry snapped. “You are very aware that she’s got feelings for you.” 

Tom looked away. “Well she’s dumb,” Tom said. “She should clearly be in love with you instead.” 

“That’s not what we are talking about,” Harry sassed. “Did she or did she not know that it wasn’t a date?” 

“No.” 

“What was it, then?” Harry asked. “And why did you buy her flowers?” 

“How did—“

“Yellow flowers? She loves them.” 

“I will go and apologize for making her believe that I could—I dunno.” 

“Why do you insist on breaking her heart?” Harry wondered, “she’s—She’s the most amazing girl and you’re so fucking lucky that she loves you. Why would you insist on hurting her? She’s done nothing wrong to you, and her fucking biggest sin is that she loves you, and you did that? You think I didn’t see you? Strolling around giving her hope and making her fall in love with you? Go and tell her you don’t love her, because deep down she thinks you do, and she’s so stupid for believing that. But I swear Tom if you dare to keep that door open for her it’ll only get worse, let her be, and stop playing with her heart. Close that door forever.” 

And he saw him leave and then come back, with a bag full of dirt. He saw him, kicking the couch, he heard him yelling and then he saw him, downing beer after beer. 

Tom hadn’t spoken to anyone for a few days. 

And then y/n hadn’t spoken to any of them for months, she barely answered his texts. She would cancel on their lunch, and she would blame it on school. He’d seen her on campus, without her smile and the usual sunshine that followed her. He’d try to reach out to her but she would back away.

But Harry saw someone there… Tim. Little by little he saw the green eyed fella walking with y/n more and more. And little by little, y/n’s sunshine was coming back. 

He had seen her in the halls, walking with him. How Timmy would always make her smile, and blush. And Harry loved seeing that again. 

Harry knew that they were probably made for each other. Initially, when Timothee had appeared he wasn’t as fond. You can never be too fond of someone who is also in love with the girl you’re in love with. But for Harry it was different. 

For each and every rom-com he’d watched, for research purposes, he claimed, he had seen the perfect meet cute and the guy whom the girl is supposed to end with. And when Harry had once again heard y/n’s melodic laugh back, he knew Tim was her endgame. 

And he decided that it was time to move on. And he had, exactly with his “meet cute”, Emma. 

Emma had accidentally spilled her drink on Harry. And Harry would be lying if he ever said there wasn’t a strike of electricity when he’d looked into her eyes, like in movies, when the guy meets the girl. 

Emma. 

Who initially wasn’t fond of y/n, because of course, the girl didn’t even look at her best friend, and there was Timmy, all smitten with her. But Emma had become the perfect friend y/n could ask for. 

And the perfect girl Harry could never imagine. 

Emma had told him a lot about Timothee. 

“It's amazing we bumped into you guys that night, Timmy here had always had a crush on the girl with the cute jeans and dirty sneakers.” 

And he fell in love with Emma as an accident. He hadn’t planned it, and neither did Emma. Because it all started as two people hanging out because their respective best friends were in a relationship. Not because they had to, because they had wanted to. And they started to hang out, and Harry knew it, it had been one night under the stars, when Harry knew he was finally over y/n. 

And it was great. Until… y/n broke up with Timmy. Old feelings resurfaced. But when it occurred, Harry remembered how she had walked in, around New Years. 

He remembered how conflicted he’d been, trying to hold her hand, and how he had briefly opened his heart to her, but it hadn’t felt right. He knew it, he was over her. And though it hurt seeing her like this, he didn’t… feel the same. All he could think about when y/n was crying on her shoulder was Emma. And y/n had become a bittersweet song, an undermining memory. 

Emma was an accident, and she’d changed all of Harry’s plans. Initially, she had become a distraction, from whatever Harry was doing at the time, but slowly she dug her way into his heart. Emma was someone Harry would’ve never thought he’d fall in love with, but she was someone who now he never wanted to lose. That’s why he had proposed. 

But he had been… conflicted. When Emma told him she’d ask y/n to be her maid of honor...it felt weird. 

Why did he feel weird? It was normal, right?

Maybe it was weird because he had a feeling that Y/N probably was again falling into Tom’s spell. 

Of course, he had asked Haz and Sam. And they’d denied it. He had asked James, though. He hadn’t denied it, he didn’t confirm it..

“I don’t know.”

Simple answer. 

And Harry didn’t, either. 

Because maybe it hurt him. But it didn’t hurt him in the way one would think, it would hurt. It hurt in the way that he knew where Tom would go. Again breaking her heart. 

So he wondered why y/n was so stupid. How was she going there again? And was she? 

Did he have to reach out for her? And why did she keep ignoring him? 

He knew he couldn’t be for her this time. Or did he have to? 

Why did she keep ignoring him? Why did it bother him so much? 

Harry knew. Because y/n was his own first love. And it hurt to think of it that way, but he looked back at it. Like an old memory. An old song. 

And he found it funny, how y/n was someone who planned ahead and stuck to real thoughts, and yet she was always finding herself at the crazy curveballs. Which made her stay out of her lane. Out of Harry’s path. 

But maybe they were meant to stay that way, with their paths never touching, and their words never colliding. Only for a friendship. 

Maybe Harry had to let go off the plan, because he had a new one. With Emma. 

That didn’t stop Harry from reaching out to her. 

“Hello? Harry! Hello!” Y/N answered facetime. She was in the lobby, and she seemed tired, but her smile brightened up as soon as she saw her best friend. 

 “Hey!  How is it going?” Harry grinned as soon as he had seen her. 

“Good, good, uh, Tom and I just checked in on the hotel,” she explained, her voice was muffled then. “Wanna say hi to your brother?” She moved the phone and Tom gulped but waved. 

“Hey!” Was all he said. 

“Uh—y/n, I actually had to talk to you, I’ll talk to Tom later so maybe—“

Y/N stayed quiet. “I’ll—give me a sec.” She had turned off the camera. 

Harry was sweating, he didn’t understand why he’d taken up the courage to call her. It was late for him, but he couldn’t sleep unless he reached out to her. Because he knew all of this would go wrong and he couldn’t be right beside her. 

A muffled Tom could be heard, barely, but he was there. “Yeah, yeah, see you in a bit.” 

Which had Harry wondering, were they in separate rooms at the hotel? And why the fuck did it matter? 

“Harry!” A cheerful y/n said after she’d turned it back on, she still seemed to be somwehere in the lobby which only made Harry’s suspicion higher.  “Hola.” 

“Y/N,” Harry grinned. “Salut.” 

It was a very stupid tradition they had. They had taken Spanish and French lessons together, yes y/n had learned french even before Timmy and it had stuck, they would randomly say words in either language. 

“How’s New York?” Harry asked. “Finally you get to go to your dream place.” 

“Well, the airport was nice,” she laughed as she plugged in her earphones. “And so far I’m… in love with the city, Tom said he’ll give me a tour because he…” She laughed. “Knows it so well because he’s Spider-Man,” she mocked 

“Oh, don’t trust him, he’ll get you lost in five minutes,” Harry chuckled. 

“Wait, it’s like 1 am over there isn’t it?” Y/N chuckled. “Why are you awake? Long day filming?” 

“Yeah, a bit,” Harry admitted. “Gosh, it’s been crazy.” 

“I bet, but you’re having fun aren’t you?” She wondered.

“A lot,” Harry admitted. “But uh-- I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Y/N cleared her throat. “Uhm… Is it about Emma’s… request?” 

Harry didn’t answer. Had she not accepted it yet? 

She smiled. “Because I haven’t had the time to answer her, but I’m going to say yes, don’t worry! I just wanted to sit down and write down a whole ass--” 

“No, no, it’s not about that--But great!” Harry gulped. “No, no, it’s…” 

“Yup?” 

“It’s about Tom.” 

The end of the line stayed dangerously quiet. She licked her lips and looked away. She didn’t move. 

“Y/N?” 

“Yeah, I’m here,” she sighed. “I… What about Tom?” 

Harry licked his lips. “I know you, y/n, I just… Don’t let him fool you again.” 

“He’s not fooling me, I--where are you even coming from?” She coughed, she’d turned stiff. “I.. We’ve become friends and that’s it. We’re getting along.” 

“I don’t have to be there to know you’re crushing on him again,” Harry explained. The tweets, the pictures, Tom and y/n constantly bickering on the group chat. James’ answer,  the way Harrison had denied it so intensely and...The way that Tom had been ignoring Harry. Harry knew something was going on. 

“I’m not,” she answered, but she had bit her inner cheek. 

“Look, y/n,” he clicked his tongue. “I’m only worried because I don’t know if I’ll be able to be there with you, and--Tom sooner or later will hurt you.” 

“Then you should call him up and tell him not to, don’t call me, I’m not… doing anything,” she snapped then squeezed her eyes shut. “Look, Harry, I can take care of myself, I’ve done it before and…” 

“And how did that work out for you?” Harry frowned. “I’m just saying this because I’m your best friend.” 

“But are you really saying it because of that, Harry?” 

“What?” Harry frowned. 

“No… Nothing, I’m just… I know where you’re coming from, but this time I won’t let him hurt me, and I.. I am not crushing on him.” 

“Fine, I’m just… worried, okay? And I know it’s hard already...Having Timmy there and-” 

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I--Harry, I’m tired from my flight, okay? I need to go and take a shower and just…You know? I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” 

“Y/N I didn’t mean to-” 

“Love you, bye!” 

He shouldn’t have mentioned Timmy. 

And Timmy truly  didn’t know where he was standing. Timothee didn’t want to be too intrusive, but he couldn’t help it. He was jealous, that was unequivocally an understatement, Tom drove him insane. And Tim was getting prepared exactly just for that. Could anyone be prepared to see the love of their life happy with someone else?

Timmy had learned where they were staying. He had debated to himself whether or not he should bring her flowers, but over the course of the years he’d learned that y/n loved flowers, so it might give him a little… advantage. 

There was possibly no way that he’d be able to bump into them. He didn’t even know when she’d arrive, and was it creepy? He probably was being creepy. He was standing in front of a hotel with little to no information of whether y/n would be there. He held the peonies as he headed to the entrance, he had to leave this was… no. He was being crazy right? 

But he walked in, and he saw her, sitting down, bummed. Her hair resting against her hand, her hair falling down. She looked tired, but radiant at the same time, she looked like a summer song. And he wondered if this was the perfect movie moment, when the guy cheers up the girl and they fall back in love. He could easily run up to her and ask her to love him, and somehow, she’d do it. 

But he couldn’t. He just watched her from afar, and if he knew her well enough, he knew she was about to shed a tear. She took a deep breath and tapped her foot anxiously. 

What was troubling her? Maybe it had only taken a flight for Tom to break her heart. But… that wasn’t her ‘Tom screwed me over’ face. She seemed angry. 

Tim was frozen, he wanted to approach her and be there to comfort whatever Tom had pulled this time but just as Timmy had finally managed to move, he saw Tom getting out of the elevator. Strutting with arrogance. 

He stopped to watch the scene, he expected yelling. He thought y/n would turn around to Tom like she always did and yell at him. And Tim wanted to see the bickering, the usual fighting. But there… wasn’t any. Instead, Tom had come to wrap his arms around her from behind and placed a sweet kiss to her cheek. A smile came back to her face as she turned to face him, and they didn’t kiss this time, but the smile she dedicated him was all it took to break Tim. The glance y/n directed at Tom was the gaze Tim had fought so hard to get. 

And it only took Tom a stupid kiss on her cheek. 

Tim felt it again, the knife all across his chest as he watched them leave for the elevator, her hand clinging to his arm as he would lean over and whisper to her. And time stopped. And Timmy wished he hadn’t walked in to see that, he wished he hadn’t had the incredible idea to give her flowers. He wouldn’t have seen that, he shouldn’t have bought the stupid peonies. 

Honestly, he would never get used to seeing that. He felt like someone had cut off a piece of his heart and crushed it right in front of him. Timmy never really understood why she loved Tom. However, he knew y/n didn’t know it either. She’d deny it, she’d avoid the subject. She’d never speak of Tom, unless it was to assure him she despised him. And yet, as the elevator door closed, he saw her, slowly placing a kiss on his lips. 

That image had kept Timmy awake all night long, he’d blame it on the jet lag but it was unbearable. Because he wondered where had it all gone wrong? When had he stopped reading y/n? 

But had he really? 

The next day on set it got even worse, he saw them arrive, fingers locked and that smile Tim had gotten familiar with. The usual tender chuckle. But… was she happy? 

She seemed to be, but… Maybe Timmy hadn’t completely forgotten how to read her. She seemed confused, was she? 

Tim had brought the flowers again, though he probably shouldn’t have. He should’ve thrown away the peonies. But he couldn’t, y/n loved peonies.

Of course, he couldn’t… give them to her, so he just arranged someone to leave one at Tom’s trailer. Even when he knew that y/n could think they could come from Tom. 

But maybe y/n hadn’t forgotten that Tim’s signature flowers were peonies. Hopefully she really hadn’t. But Tom did take the credit for, he’d seen y/n kiss Tom’s cheek. 

And it hurt Timmy, but then she saw him… when she saw him, it felt like she knew. She just gave him a sad smile. 

Filming for the next few days had been…painful. Y/N and him hadn’t talked, not really. Tom didn’t let her be around, not that he had forbidden it but anytime Tim would get close, Tom would rush in, and pull her close to him. 

However, Timmy hadn’t stopped with the flowers, not big arrangement every day, a single peony every now and then, and he’d seen y/n with one, outside the trailer, confused...but she was too busy with Tom. And Tim had gotten to the idea, even if they hadn’t really talked about it. It was obvious. But Timmy faked blindness, even when it was too much to handle.  

Like that day when Tom and Mad had slipped while dancing, and y/n let out a loud laugh as she rushed to see him...to see Tom. 

“Did you just laugh?” Tom asked, chuckling. 

“No,” but y/n couldn’t stop laughing. “Well—I—I… its cause you—“She let out a loud cackle that could even be confused with a snore.

Tim smiled to himself, he missed that laugh. The messy one, the one that told Tim she didn’t care anymore. 

“You are still laughing,” Tom now started to laugh with her, as they threw their head back. 

Timmy saw it, and he felt it. The way Tom has probably felt throughout their whole relationship. Because what hurt Timmy the most wasn’t that he couldn’t kiss her, what hurt Timmy the most was he wasn’t the reason for her smile anymore. 

“Stop laughing!” Tom said. 

And then y/n kissed Tom, repeatedly. Her hands cupping his face as she only smiled against his lips. 

Well, maybe it did bother Tim. 

Because there was just so… much kissing. It seemed like Tom never missed an opportunity to get his lips on y/n. It was so annoying, especially when Tim was around, he seemed to have a magnet to her lips, and his hands always on her waist. 

They were disgusting. Other people called them adorable, but Tim called them disgusting. 

Because it bothered him, and because he had been right. About all of this. That troubled Timmy enough, let alone the fact that they didn’t care if he was seeing, it was the fact that he had been right all along. 

Never would have Timmy thought he’d end up with a cigarette on his mouth as he listened to a pianist on a New York bar. He had a scotch in his hands, and he could only wonder where y/n was. Probably with Tom, Tom probably was taking off her clothes and kissing that sweet spot on her neck that drove her crazy. Her clothes probably were on some fancy hotel floor, and her lipstick would be tattooing Tom’s body. And she probably was smiling, and Tom would get to hear her laugh, and she’d probably be moaning Tom’s name. 

And Timmy couldn’t believe it. Where had he gone wrong? What in this world did Tom do to have y/n making a fool of herself for him? 

And Timmy cried, even though he wasn’t really a crier, he couldn’t help it. Really, he couldn’t help it. But he soon forgot it, he started drinking with some random girl he’d met at that bar, with pretty eyes and a southern accent, she told him she was there looking for her dreams. And they had gone dancing instead because the piano had bored him, for the first time he was bored of a conversation, and he told her: I just want to dance, and the blue lights had barely helped him to forget y/n, as the girl kept grinding against him, and wrapping his arms around Timmy, but he could only think of y/n and how they were always dancing. But he kept drinking and smoking, and dancing. But y/n stayed on his mind, in his imagination. No matter how loud the music was going, and no matter how good looking the girl was, he couldn’t see anyone but the image of y/n. Because she was everywhere, in the music he was dancing to, in the shirt he was wearing, everywhere.

And Timmy wasn’t the guy to have a one night stand, and yet... He found himself walking out of a random wannabe New Yorker small studio to go back to his hotel. He wasn’t pleased with himself. That wasn’t him. But he had felt lonely, and he wasn’t over her, so he really only wanted to get his mind off of it. It hadn’t helped. 

If anything, this was y/n’s fault, because he couldn’t help but think about it. He’d slept with a stranger, but that wasn’t what was bothering him… It was the fact he had danced with a stranger. And dancing, dancing was their thing. 

Timothée was crying on the subway. 

“I fucked up,” he texted Emma. “I miss her so much and I can’t stand this.” 

Emma had called him immediately. 

“Talk to me, Tim.” 

“Did I wake you up?” 

“No, I was… already awake, tell me,” Emma said. 

“It’s just hard, Em,” he explained. “I don’t even know what to tell you, now, I feel like I’ve lost her and now, I just I know I fucked up by proposing but I--” 

“Timmy, don’t say that.” 

“But that was it, she faded away when I proposed, and that’s on me,” Tim sighed. “I should’ve known she wasn’t ready and that we--fuck, I don’t even know, I just want to win her back and be how we used to be, I miss her and her smile and her laugh and-” 

“Aren’t you guys talking? I thought you told me you were on talking terms,” Emma answered. 

“Not here, not in New York, and fuck, it makes it harder, New York makes it harder,” he explained. “Just before the proposal, we were planning on coming, you know? We had our whole trip planned, and in my head, I would have been walking down this city already engaged, and here I am, walking down to my fucking hotel after hooking up with some-”

“You hooked up with someone?” Emma questioned. “You?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh, then it must be bad.” 

“I… just, I can’t stand seeing her with Tom,” Tim said. “I just… out of everyone.” 

“Hold on-Tom?” Emma asked. 

Tim bit his lip, did they not know about this? 

“Yes, Tom… I thought you would know,” Timmy frowned. “Didn’t Harry tell you?” 

“I don’t think Harry knows this,” Emma explained. “Which… is technically better for me, I guess.” 

Timmy didn’t answer. 

“I asked her… to be my maid of honour,” Emma explained. “Which I know, I’m sorry I would’ve asked you but…” 

Timothée kept quiet. 

“We both know she’s got history with the Hollands,” Emma sighed with sadness. “And although these are bad news for you, it…” 

“I know.” 

“Is it wrong?” Emma asked. “I know you love her Tim but… Is it wrong I still fear how she’ll act around Harry?” 

“It’s not her who you’re worried about,” Tim sounded convinced.

“You’re right, but… You know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” she explained. “And though she is not my enemy per se, I just can’t help but be anxious around her, after all she was Harry’s first love, and you’ve heard her say it.” 

“True love might only be the first one,” Tim answered. “I know, but… I really think you shouldn’t worry.” 

“And I really think you shouldn’t worry about Tom,” Emma insisted. “After all, he’s her enemy, and she might just be doing the same thing I’m doing, keeping her enemies close, and we both know Tom will eventually fuck up.” 

“You’re right.” 

Tim had texted y/n afterwards begging to go out for dinner, and y/n had eventually agreed, but it wasn’t really dinner she’d agreed on. Still, Tim was thinking about it. How  he’d been right all along. 

Tom did have feelings for y/n, and even if y/n had never admitted it. She had feelings for Tom. 

And Timmy knew this, but it’s easier said than done. He couldn’t stomach and map out any emotions, how could he? He had been right, this whole time. But he also knew y/n, and he knew that y/n was someone who always had her mind busy. Thoughts, creativity, lists… many lists. And guilt, y/n would often have to settle down her mind at night if something was bothering her. Even with simple stuff, like if she hadn’t tried an ice cream flavor even when Tim would assure her she wouldn’t  like it , she’d have to go the next day to try it. Or whenever a new movie came out and y/n would read the reviews and know she’d hate it, but went and watched it anyway just to be disappointed by it. 

So maybe that was what was going on. Tom was the coconut-pistachio cheesecake ice cream y/n so wanted to try, but wouldn’t like in the end. Y/N was dating the terrible reviewed movie right now. 

However, the ice cream bumped into Tim, anyway the same day he’d go out for dinner with y/n, holding a peony that Tim had given her that day.

“What are you doing?” Tom frowned. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tim said, looking down at the schedule he had to follow, he spoke then through the radio and walked past Tom. 

“You really think I don’t know these are yours?” Tom frowned. 

“Well, I’m helping you out, man, take the credit, for all I know you already are taking it,” Timmy rolled his eyes. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

Tim watched him. “I just gave her flowers man.” And really that’s all he’d done. He hadn’t even tried to talk to y/n. He didn’t want to intrude. One flower a day didn’t hurt anyone. 

“No, no, no, why are you trying to-” 

“I’m not trying anything,” Timmy answered calmly. 

Tom clenched his jaw. “You lost your chance.” 

“It’s funny you out of everyone say that,” Tim snaked. “Seems like chances are given for free.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Why are you angry?” Timmy shrugged. “She is your girlfriend, you don’t have to worry about me--” 

Tom didn’t answer. 

“Ah, she’s not your girlfriend, yet.” 

“Well but she might be.” 

“Then why are you worrying?” Tim cackled dryly. “If she is in love with you then she won’t even look at my flowers. And as I said, take the credit man.” 

“Exes don’t give out flowers,” Tom frowned.  

“Well, I do, I love giving her flowers, and at least I know for a fact she doesn’t cry whenever I give her flowers,” Tim shrugged. “Now, if you’ll excuse me-”

“You don’t have the right to mention that,” Tom frowned. 

“Seems like I already did,” Timmy rolled his eyes. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you, you go be happy with her.” 

Tom watched him. “You don’t even know what we’ve gone through, and we are very happy.” 

Timmy stared at Tom. He truly didn’t understand why Tom was being so bitchy about this, yes, probably it wasn’t fair play giving her flowers. But honestly, Tom had been worse while y/n and Tim were dating, always big gestures, that of course would be erased by any kind of mean words Tom directed as y/n. Always hurting y/n. Yes, Tom had never been a fan of Tom, because he always managed to turn y/n’s light off, only with a glance and y/n would be on the verge of tears. Tom was a monster to y/n. Why the hell was y/n now sprinting with him? Why the hell did y/n kiss Tom the way she was kissing him? 

“I don’t have to know much to understand you’ve broken her so many times,” Tim argued back. 

“I’ve changed.”

“Have you really, Tom? And does she know that?” Tim had started to walk away.

Tom stayed quiet for a bit, “She does.” 

Tim turned around. “I think you’re scared because even if you know her from your whole life, you don’t actually know her.” 

Tom frowned. “I know her perfectly.” 

“But for your own conveniences, you know how to make her cry, you know how to break her, but that’s it,” Tim raised his arms, shrugging. 

Tom clenched his jaw. “You’re just angry that she’s screaming my name now,” Tom snapped. 

Timothée had to look away. “That’s the issue with you, Tom. You don’t know the magic of y/n,” he told him, shaking his head as he stared down at the floor. “Maybe you managed to get her in bed, but you won’t get to have her completely and you know that, because it’s the little moments that count for y/n, and you don’t get that, you always have to put up a show for her.” 

Tom rolled his eyes. “You dated her for only two years, what makes you think you know her more than I do? I’ve known her my whole life.” 

Tim chuckled. “I didn’t buy a Polaroid, for instance, I don’t have to fake around her,” Tim explained. “I made her smile with a single peony, because I know she doesn’t need whatever big flower arrangement I know you’re already planning to give her. I know her.” 

Tom scoffed. “I don’t need to give you any explanation, and I don’t even know why I’m bothering to argue with you, y/n doesn’t even love you, if she did she would’ve accepted your proposal,” Tom snapped with venom. “Now please stop sending her flowers, and don’t dare to bring her flowers tonight.” 

With that, the bad-reviewed movie had walked away. Tim looked away, he was hurt. But not because he’d said that. But because y/n had told him. It just… Didn’t make any sense. 

They’d meet at her hotel’s bar. A less formal thing, and Timmy understood.

He had seen her walk out of the elevator, and… Tom had, too. They seemed to be tense, but Tom kissed her cheek anyway before leaving for the entrance.

Timmy really didn’t like elevators anymore.

Y/N walked over to Tim, she didn’t seem… excited. 

“Hi,” he greeted her. He hadn't brought her flowers this time. Not because Tom had asked him to, but because he knew it wasn’t the place for it. 

“Hey,” she gulped as she watched him. “Let’s… go for a drink, shall we?” 

And it was awkward at first. They’d never been awkward but she had been this time, quiet, and she looked sad. They were sitting on the tallest stools in the bar, where y/n was swinging her legs, trying to get a hold of the film canister she’d pulled out at the beginning of their conversation. She had Toyed with it, long enough for Timmy to wonder which of the many film canisters was it. He’d given her thousands of them, with notes, with films… and one with a ring. The canister seemed more interesting than Tim himself. But she looked beautiful, and Tim only wished and longed to go back in time, and have her smile at him like she used to. 

Instead they were barely even looking at each other.

“So, have you been exploring the city?” Tim asked her. 

Y/N shrugged and smiled. “Not...really,” she admitted. “We—“she cleared her throat. “I’ve barely had the time, you know? Always filming and then I am tired but—Tomorrow I might,” she told him. “Tom has a free day so—“

“Yeah,” Tim watched her. “Anywhere special you want to go? New York has always been your dream.” 

“Dunno yet, Tom probably has something planned, something big,” she smiled to herself. “He only keeps surprising me…” 

“So uh, you and Tom huh?” Tim had asked as smoothly as he could’ve. 

“I… well,” she shifted on her sit. “I guess.” 

“It’s okay, I knew it was coming,” he smiled. “I’m happy-“

“Timmy I’m sorry I—“ she looked at him, finally looked at him. 

“No, no, I’m happy, as long as he makes you happy,” Tim lied with the most convincing smile he could pull. 

“I’m very sorry Tim,” she sighed. 

He reached over for her arm, “Y/N, no, I don’t want you to be, really,” he squeezed her arm and then pulled back his hand. 

“Are you okay?” She looked at him. 

“I feel like I am, but I mean, you can’t really—I mean, I’m as fine as I can be,” he chuckled to himself. 

“Tim,” she gave him a sad smile. 

“I’m being honest, y/n, one can only be as cheerful as they can while they see the love of their life taken away,” he had said and he’d felt his heart become smaller as he said it. 

Y/N watched him. “You really think I’m the love of your life?” 

Tim looked at her, she timidly smiled. “I know it.” 

Y/N bit her lip. “How do you know that? Who the love of your life is?” 

Timmy watched her. Somehow that question felt like an old conversation, of the ones they used to have. He didn’t know why she’d asked it. But maybe his answer would get her back to her senses.

“Well, you feel it. You know?” Tim chuckled. “It’s that breathtaking moment y/n,” he explained as he looked at her. “I guess it’s the person that makes you feel like you’re watching your favorite movie, the one you know you’d never get tired of,”he looked at her lips and then at her sight, she seemed conflicted but she was listening. “The person you feel calm with, the one you only need a smile from and everything turns better,” he grinned. “It’s walking under the rain and feeling warm. It’s… you.” 

She looked at him, and then stared at the film canister again. 

“What’ve you got there?” He looked at it. 

“Ah, nothing,” she gulped. “It’s—Nothing,” she smiled at him. “But uhm, have you had time to explore New York?” 

“A little bit, yeah,” he chuckled. More than he wanted to, if he was honest. “I actually got lost in the subway, you know how distracted I am—“

“You’re kidding,” she smiled again. 

“No, no, but—“And he started telling her stories, like he used to do. And she listened, and she laughed and she smiled. 

And eventually, she put the film canister back in her purse, making Tim wonder what the hell was in it. But it didn’t matter, because she was finally smiling again, and with every single story and with every single sentence, he felt like he was falling back in love all over again. And hours went by, and they didn’t even notice how time had passed. And it felt like old times. Older...times. 

But eventually she kissed his cheek goodbye, because she of course had to go back to Tom. Who had walked back into the hotel. But maybe had imagined it, the whole conversation maybe hadn’t gone as espectacular. And this wasn’t a movie, the girl and the guy probably wouldn’t fall back in love just after a conversation at the bar, and maybe it wasn’t breathtaking.  And he saw her walking back up to Tom, and kissed his lips. Not his cheek, his lips. 

But Tim did have an oh shit moment, it was different from that moment when y/n had walked into the lecture, 16 minutes late. It was the oh shit moment when Tim realized it, the repetitive script we’ve all learned and adored from movies wouldn’t replicate in Tim’s life. Not for now, at least. Because y/n, for once, had liked the ice cream.

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[gayspock]

okay last tng thoughts before the final ep

- last time i did a proper dump i was abt to watch the pegasus and i literally dont remember wtf my thoughts on that were its just a big gaping hole help. all i remember was omg locke's actor locke from lost 😁hiya baldie. nowt else on the brain. i feel like i liked it though?? ehrm

-theres a few eps i jsut plain dont remember actually jesus christ. which is silly bc it was obly a few weeks ago like ew get it together bestie. i was actually shocked to realise tht ep was even in s7.... huh.

- i think ijust burnt out so badly in this season and the hit and miss episodes didnt help with the problem i already had with bingeing tng. its like- again, i can tell the show is at the end of its rope and i dont even mean tht in a bad way... i think it worked in its favour with some of the things it started trying to do in some eps (like Lower Decks, finally giving Crusher&Picard closure in Attached). but in a lot its like... kinda jsut stupid ideas (Genesis) or stuff that kinda could work out but they really fucked it (Eye of the Beholder - like that execution was sloppy babe).

- sub rosa is so much though i dont think i can elt it go i think helop im sSFV-F help tihelp jEUSS

- however Journey's End is the episode i have the most grief with for sure. now- i cant... rlly speak too much on the depictions here bc im very uninformed. what i will say is: it certainly felt hokey as hell with some of the portrayals and the resolution to the conflict was jsut... like sorry but what did picard do, exactly? and now that... absolves- okay uh... its literally- its literally just such a weird fucking set up with that whole thing.

- but also wesley. ggggfuckg. FUCKS sake. okay heres my thing! i have complex feelings with wes<3 i think ppl who loathe him are fucking weirdos with it like MOST of the time but i dont rlly like a lot of his earlier depictions, but that was in part due to the shoddy writing of s1&s2 of tng so i'm LENIENT and i actually really liked wes in his later reappearances as his character became more grounded. when he was actually facing consequences for sth at the academy? YEAH, i dug that! and i sjtu

- they were heading in a better direction. or at least one i wanted and preferred and i just hated the way they ended it with him insisting he was special and fated. it didnt help that the episode kinda elluded to his place on that planet being his destiny- i got very scared we were about to get into some messy white savior mess which woulsd make me throwup and gag so bad. lllike pwease dont pwease donnnttt. in the end thwey just let it be i guess but still like.

- the thing is i dont hate him going with the traveller and i really like the idea of him leaving starfleet and deciding to do that. thats honestly what i want! but i just- again this weird insistence that hes special and different form everyone else- it jsut... it doesnt fit right with me at all and its exacerbated by all the problems with his earlier characterisation and im like :( bc AGAIN i like wes after the rough start so its just kinda sad for this to be his send off . feels like it unravels a lot of nuance and just makes it. irritating again but im not going to unpack . all my wesley feelings bc i think it would be #controversial and i dont have the energy to deal with it im just gonna live in a world where the little guy got sth i wanted for him

- OH. and i was so so so happy to see ro lahren back and im happy she fucking went off at the end. literally so so so fucking good for her. fuck starfleet.

- im glad they are actually are easing us more into the problems with starfleet even if tng isnt strictly about that. again more of wht i like with how theyre being pulled in different directions more in s7.

- i dontthink i have much else to say rn before the finally. i did watch the cold open though and i must say. worf and deanna still fucking baffle me to no end. every time they did anything together i jsut thought i was in a fever dream bc it made no god damn sense. im sssorry. but they dont rlly have chemistry whatsoever and im not trying to be mean but its just the case. love and kisses.

- oh and im gonna miss tng all said and done. idk how soon i'll be rewatching it since i am going to go onto ds9 p quickly but yeah. i still deffo prefer tos- sorry. its just more to my tastes.

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [7]

Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 7.5 OR Chapter 8

➜ Words: 2.7k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

You thought about it over Winter break.   While baking and laying around your dorm room, you’ve come to a self-revelation. You spent only a week in Jungkook’s hometown before coming back for the other two, not wanting to intrude on his family too much, and during that time, you’ve re-discovered a strengthened will. You’ve decided to abandon your unproductive heartache in favour of nurturing a new ambition, a new eagerness to flourish and thrive, and make the most out of your time here.   And Jungkook is surprised to see this fresh enthusiasm.   “You’re here early.” He steps into the kitchen to see you crouched over the counter with notebooks and textbooks sprawled out, already studying at the beginning of the semester.   “I know.” You lift your head to grin at him. “Just thought I’d get a head start. Don’t slack just cause we’re in the same class, Jeon. I won’t always give you notes when you skip.”   He approaches with a small smile. “I’m guessing the rest of your Winter break was good.”   “It was alright. It’s nice to sleep in. How was yours?”   “Lia and Eunbi kept crying when you left. I swear my family likes you more than they like me.”   “Naturally,” you taunt while batting your lashes. “I’m just so likable.”   “Uh-huh.” But that still doesn’t explain why you’re humming and smiling to yourself. It’s only eight in the morning and he wonders where the usual Little Miss Cranky went. “Did something good happen?”   “What do you mean?”   “You’re giggling to yourself.”   “I’m not giggling.” You feign a glare. “I’ve just...found new motivation to work harder. I thought about it a lot and….”   “And?”   “I’m going to get back with Seokjin,” you declare. Jungkook’s eyes are wide and you smile. “I’m going to catch up and become someone worthy of him. Someone he won’t be able to let go. I’m going to work my hardest, so he can be proud of me.”   “Huh.” The boy nods. “Well, good for you.”   “Psh, what’s with the bland response. Listen, you better look out, Jeon. I’m going to make the best portfolio ever to submit at the end of the semester.”   He grins. “Okay.”   You return to your work, finishing up reading the section while humming to yourself.    Jungkook glad you found a new vigour to strive and do your best — but he can’t help feeling unsure of your reasoning. He’s pretty sure that this isn’t it.   //   The lectures and hands-on workshops at the very start of the semester are always the blandest. Introductions are done, course outlines are looked at, and the professor drones on and on about the course’s expectations and what the assignments and examinations will look like. Jungkook isn’t exactly enthused to hear what he’ll have to get done in the coming weeks.   And it’s in this very boredom that he knows he doesn’t need to say anything about your new-found determination. Eventually class will wear you down like it does for everyone, and you’ll become indifferent again. You’ll come to your senses one way or another.   But to his surprise, you’re still very much jolly after classes.   “It hasn’t been one day and classes are already fucking me in the ass,” Taehyung groans.   “Hey, guys!” You plop down with Jungkook beside you. “I missed you. How was Christmas break?”   “It was good.” Hoseok looks up, appearing utterly exhausted with dark circles lining the area beneath his eyes.    Yoongi actively glares at you. “You’re chirpy.”   Much to his dismay, you laugh. If Yoongi was a dog, he’d probably bite you.   Jimin smiles. “Did something good happen, Y/N?”   “Actually, yeah. I just realized some things over the break and I just have more motivation to work hard, you know?”   “Can you give me some of that motivation?” Taehyung groans. “What does it take?”   “A fear of flunking and getting kicked out should be more than enough motivation,” Yoongi deadpans.   “What’s your motivation, Y/N?” Hoseok asks, the corner of his mouth curling.   “I…” You glance at Jungkook, not sure if you should tell them the truth. But after a moment of hesitation, you go for it. There’s nothing to hide. “I’m going to try to get back together with Jin.”   At once, you receive mixed reaction — Jimin goes blank, Taehyung lifts his head off to the table and Hoseok’s brows are raised, lips tight. He’s the one who breaks the silence. “Wow, that’s great, Y/N.”   You grin. “I know, right?”   “How are you going to do that?” Taehyung looks at you. “If I can ask…”   “I’m going to improve myself and become someone he wants, someone worth him.”   “But is it really up for you to decide?” Yoongi asks out of the blue, piping up as he chews some chicken in his cheek. The black-haired man looks at you lazily. “It takes two.”   “Yeah, but I can try, right?” You shrug your shoulders, wearing a small smile.   But Yoongi doesn’t accept what he hears, not in the way you want him to. “He dumped you, didn’t he? What makes you think he’ll want you back?”   “I—”   Taehyung steps in before the situation can escalate. “Yoongi.”   But the tired man ignores him, his eyes piercing, even if he gazes at you languidly. “You think you can change him or change what happened?”   “I love him.” Your eyes are glossy and there’s an overwhelming urge to block out your ears.   Yet Yoongi scoffs. “Okay. So what? Who says you won’t be dumped again?”   “Yoongi, chill it, dude,” Taehyung intervenes and Hoseok is also alert, trying to change the topic to no avail. In the meanwhile, Jimin is caught in the conflict and rendered speechless, but what hurts most is that Jungkook doesn’t defend you. He doesn’t utter a single word of support.   “Is it so bad to want him back?”   “Yeah. If he doesn’t want you back.” He shrugs. “It would be more productive if you get on with your life, got better and showed him what he missed out on. Trying to get back together with him makes you look desperate.”   “I never asked for your opinion, Yoongi.”   “Fair, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hear what I have to say. Plus, I’m just asking you questions and as of yet, I haven’t heard any answers, Y/N,” Yoongi bites back. It’s not like the friendly banter that you have with Jungkook. What Yoongi says is painful to hear, heavy on your heart. It’s argumentative with intentions to prove himself right, confrontational in a way you’ve always avoided. “Why are you setting yourself up to be hurt again? Don’t you think you deserve better than that?”   The group falls into strained silence. The tension wraps itself around your throat, robbing your breath from your lungs. Nothing is spoken, no one utters a word. They stare at you as if they’re waiting for a response, for your justifications. But they don’t need to hear it — it’ll sound like a broken record.   They’ll never don’t get it — how much you love Seokjin. How much you miss him. How much you want him back in your life. Someone who used to be your best friend, who was your entire world, your person, and how he’s turned into a complete stranger.   “Alright, guys. Let’s just agree to disagree, okay?” Taehyung laughs stiffly, trying to dial it back. But you abruptly stand, grabbing your tray of food.   “Y/N.” Jungkook grabs your arm before you can walk away.   You don’t face him. “I have some stuff to do. Catch you guys later.” After dumping the tray, you walk out of the building before they can see the tears in your eyes. And they watch your backside until you’ve disappeared from the dining center.   “You’ve really done it now,” Hoseok chides Yoongi.   The male shrugs. “Was I wrong? She needed to hear it from someone and apparently I’m the only one willing to be the bad guy.”   //   You continue to march across campus with no destination in mind, merely attempting to find some peace and quiet. You tear open the door to the west wing, sniffling as your breath heaves, and at your hasty pace, you fail to notice another person walking in the opposite direction until your shoulders collide with one another.   “S-Sorry.”   The rounded, short girl regards you with bright eyes, wearing a white apron and jeans. “It’s okay—oh, Y/N, right?”    “Do I….know you?”   “I’m Yoo Aeri. We met each other on orientation day, remember?”   “Oh my god.” It was four months ago, but you can vaguely recall the first person you befriended. You were so happy that you met someone friendly that you told Seokjin right away, even if you forgot to exchange contact information. “I remember now. I’m so sorry I forgot, my mind lately is just…”   She laughs. “Don’t worry about it. I actually switched into the culinary program recently.”   “Oh, really? That’s super cool. I heard it was hard.”   “It is a little, but the Baking and Pastry Arts program is a lot more competitive. I just found it wasn’t for me.”   “I know what you mean. I can get pretty tough.”   Aeri smiles and you realize she’s holding a plastic wrapped plate when she thrusts it towards you. “I’m actually walking around right now to see if someone wants to eat this — It’s seared salmon I made in class, but I made too much. As usual. Do you want to have lunch with me?”   You’ve never had such a proposition before. “I’d love to.”   //   8:12 pm. Jungkook: is the plan still on?   Every so often when Jungkook’s sick of you complaining about the vile food at the dining hall, the both of you go out to grab a bite to eat off-campus. His wallet cries but he has to admit that it’s fun.   Tonight though, you haven’t knocked on his dorm room yet and he hasn’t been in contact with you since lunch. Jungkook wonders passingly if you’ve permanently ghosted him — if so, he doesn’t know why he’s being punished for Yoongi’s actions.   8:14 pm. Y/N: oh yeah sorry 8:14 pm. Y/N: not tonight   The moment he gets the message, his brows shoot to his hairline. Jungkook audibly groans.    You should’ve told him sooner. He can’t get a good meal in the dining center when it closes in just fifteen minutes. But Jungkook wonders if you’re underneath your covers crying, if you’re really that weak willed to be broken down so easily by a few words from Yoongi, but then—   8:16 pm. Y/N: made a new friend   Wow. So you ditched his ass for someone else — now Jungkook has zero sympathy for you.   With the annoyance of a lifetime, he grabs his coat and decides to go out anyways. He doesn’t need you. He can enjoy a perfectly good meal off-campus by himself.   It takes Jungkook fifteen minutes by bus to get to the bustling street. He enters the cozy pizza restaurant down the block that you’ve both gone to a few times and orders takeout. He waits at the front playing a game on his phone to pass the time, hoping he can get home soon and enjoy the food in the comfort of his own bed.   But Jungkook’s ears perk when it catches loud voices that draw his attention. He naturally lifts his head. It’s a mistake.   He can’t even act that he doesn’t know them, that he didn’t see them, not when his eyes connect directly with Jin’s and they look at each other.   Yet, to Jungkook’s surprise, the older man stops with a smile. “Hey!”   The best way to describe his relationship with Seokjin was that they are acquaintances — similar to how he would’ve called you, excluding the recent months. Jungkook knows Jin from high school, saw him in the halls but they seldom spoke to each other. They hear things about one another but that’s the furthest extent of their interactions.   Until now.   “Are you here alone?”   “Yeah I’m just grabbing some takeout.” Jungkook awkwardly hitches a thumb over his shoulder.   Seokjin nods, plump lips naturally pouted. “Were you in the area?”   “Not really. I came from school.”   “Oh, that’s actually pretty far. I’m surprised you didn’t just do delivery.”   Jungkook’s doe eyes double. He feels like an idiot. “Oh shit, actually?! I didn’t know they had delivery!” He could’ve saved himself half an hour.   Seokjin grins. “Yeah, but it costs an extra two dollars.”   “Guess I’m saving money then.” He feels bitter. Sincerely, you are the curse of his life. Jungkook would’ve never been in this situation if he didn’t feel a need to imaginarily prove you wrong in his mind.   “Jin!” One of his male friends calls out, signaling him over as the waitress shows the rest of his friends to a table.   “I’ll be there in a minute.”   Jungkook can kind of understand the sad state you were in after the breakup. Aside from Seokjin’s handsomeness that even renders Jungkook speechless at some angles, it’s evident that Jin has a good personality. He’s friendly and warm, despite being an acquaintance. And Jin never once treated him poorly even back when he had his feud with you.   “Want to step outside for a minute?” Jungkook asks. “It’s kind of loud in here.”   “Sure.”   The two of them exit the restaurant and become enveloped in the chilly air. It is quiet out here, almost too quiet. They can finally hear each other properly but Jungkook finds his thoughts are deafeningly loud.    “So, what did you end up ordering?”   “Three sausage and two pepperoni.” Jungkook’s fond of the way you always call him a meathead as he stuffs his face with it. “It’s my favourite.”   “Oh really? I’m more of a pineapple man, myself.”   “I’ll admit, I hated pineapple myself until Y/N changed my mind.”   Seokjin grins. “She did for me too. How is she, by the way?”   “She’s...fine. Enough to drive me crazy.” Jungkook sighs with the force of his entire being and Jin nods with the corner of his mouth quirked.    “I'll admit, I was pretty surprised when I heard through the grapevine that you guys became friends. But I’m glad she has someone with her.”   “We’re not like that.”   Jin hums. “Doesn’t change the fact that she has someone to support her.”   There’s a pause. “Can I ask you something?”   It’s the reason Jungkook went out of his way to ask him to come outside. He’s curious and maybe it’s not his place to be, but he’s always felt more involved than he should be. Jungkook wants to understand, to clear his confusion, to hear the other side of the story.   “Depends on what it is.” Seokjin smiles.   “Why did you break up with Y/N?”   You had never really told him the reasoning, and he’ll admit it was bizarre when the two of you split. Jungkook always thought you were one of those irritating high-school sweetheart couples that would eventually get married and settle down with one another. The kind of couple that would get their love story posted in the newspaper after their seventy year anniversary.    A picture-perfect happily ever after.   Seokjin sighs, a cloud of condensation emitted through his parted lips. He leans against the brick wall and looks up at the night sky. “Sometimes...there doesn’t need to be a bad reason or a red flag or some kind of deal breaker.”   “Then why?”   Seokjin shrugs. “I always felt like Y/N loved me a lot more than I loved her. Always.”   “Sometimes, it felt like she put me on a pedestal. Other times, I think I made her feel inadequate. But she was always willing to give up everything for me.” Their eyes connect, Jin’s sheepish and soft. “And for me, I constantly felt like I had to play the part of a good boyfriend, rather than be one because it came naturally. It made me feel guilty. She didn’t do anything wrong. I think I just realized sooner that we weren’t the ones for each other.”   A disconnect. Jin liked you — he adored you — but you loved him wholeheartedly with your entire soul. Even now you still earnestly love Jin.   Jungkook isn’t sure what to do with the new information. But he suddenly feels bad for you. More than he ever has.

[kaypeace21]

Coincidences? (Or foreshadowing of  romantic endings?)

color me delusion over “ pointing out meaningless coincidences” but I still can’t get over the tv references most likely hinting about certain couples not being endgame. 

Sorry, i just don’t think it’s a coincidence that El in s2 watches ‘all my children’ where she mimics  Erica Kane who (in the ep she is watching) rushes into a relationship/elopement with a writer named Mike Roy, after a traumatic experience ( and the 2 end up  not being endgame ). And the relationship gets messy and involves stalking .

 Then in s3, Joyce watches Cheers (”rescue me”),  and Jopper is  compared to Dianne and fraiser. Diane says as joyce is listening to the tv “He had a couple of sips of Chianti tonight and asked me to marry him.” . At dinner Hopper orders a chianti while being stood up by Joyce. And Dianne and Frasier don’t marry and are also not endgame, cause Dianne stands him up at the alter. The other ep of cheers she watches in s3 (was in the Bob/joyce flashback) , and was called “ the rebound part 2″ in reference to Fraiser (aka Hopper) being the rebound. He’s just a rebound to Bob-why she’s thinking of Bob after Hopper asked her out.

Then Hopper in s3 also watches a magnum pi rerun from 1980-  the 2 ep pilot is called “don’t eat the snow in Hawaii”. Magnum ( solving crime with his colorful Hawaiian shirts, similar to Hopper) kisses Alice who he has a history with. Alice promises to come back so they can be together (like Joyce with Enzo’s)-but it’s a lie and she never shows up again in the series and they aren’t endgame either . Also, when Joyce in ep 8 accepts the date- Hopper says he can’t do so at a certain time because he and El watch Miami Vice. The main cop in that also has a will-they wont they relationship (for several seasons with a female detective who was also a main character (like Joyce- aka ‘detective Byers’).  AND THEY ALSO WERE NOT ENDGAME. ”Gina had an on-again, off-again relationship with Crockett, who was on the rebound after divorcing his wife, Caroline. The relationship faded out as Gina realized they mainly got together when one or both needed someone. Crockett was very protective of Gina, and had some jealousy when Gina was involved in relationships with other people …but was the first one to be there for her when things went wrong.”

-Also, In s2 Hopper angrily turns off cheers (Ep : ‘Sam turns the other cheek’). Causing  jopper to (maybe?) also be compared to Sam and Diane from cheers too. Who have a long ‘will they won’t they’ relationship for more than 5 seasons (and used to date). And are also not endgame.The ep that plays in s3 that Joyce watches - has Diane say that Sam abuses her and  mentions how they constantly argue (just like s3) but she says she can’t stay away because she loves him. A guy hearing this says “if you ever get tired of him and want a normal quiet life, think of me.” And this is also at the same time she’s reminiscing about being with such a guy- Bob (while watching the show). It pretty much reflects what Murray said about jopper. Hopper reminds her of a “bad relationship”(Lonnie)- but she can’t help wanting to hook up with Hopper.  Despite “wanting to settle down with a nice guy (like bob).” Sam even was an alcoholic ex baseball player (Like Lonnie forcing Will to play/having beer cans everywhere) and Dianne having mental health issues (like Joyce).

Glen and Les Charles (just like the Duffers were brothers who created a show -cheers) . Their explanation about why Dianne and Sam didn’t end up together despite all the seasons of ‘will they won’t they ‘ echos jopper’s dynamic to a T . And I believe the Duffers are emulating Sam/Dianne and these fellow bro-writers.“Sam & Diane were so different. Their relationship (for comic and dramatic purposes) was fraught with conflict. Most of our time was spent devising new, funny, and fresh complications for them. Projecting forward, I believe they would driven each other insane had they gone off hand-in-hand – each with the best intentions, but ending with restraining orders. “

Pretty much. the moral of sam & diane’s story according to the Charles brothers was ‘there may be someone in your life you long for but deep down in your heart of hearts you know they’re wrong for you.’ And i think the duffers are using this inspiration from a fellow brother writing team (from the 80s) in regards to Jopper.

 Then in regards to Lumax. Max and Lucas wear shirts referencing the couple from that 70s show. Max -is donna the feminist, tomboy, red-head, who doesn’t take sh*t. What’s interesting is lucas wears one of eric’s shirts from when they’re broken up and he’s fliritng with other girls- and earlier in the season Max called Lucas ‘Don juan’ (a name for a player- so it’s probably foreshadowing for s4.)

Max is also paralleled to 2 film characters Lucas doesn’t like- Michael meyers & Winston. Lucas: “ I specifically didn’t agree to Winston…nobody wants to be Winston, man.” Mike: “what’s wrong with Winston?”Lucas: He joined the team super late.Mike: yeah , but he’s still cool.Max being cool and joining the party late probably means she’s supposed to be Winston, right? it’s like how Lucas and dustin in s1 dissed el and said she was like Michael Myers. Cue max in her Michael Myers mask

- Also, the tv parallel of El (in s2) mimicking Erica Kane and pretending to be with a fictional Mike Roy. Also parallels Karen/ Billy. In s2, before she meets him she’s reading a romance book that has a guy that resembles Billy on the cover. The Duffers even mentioned they changed the cover to show the resemblance between Billy and the fictional book character. And we see Karen reading the sequel in s3 before Billy appears. Both El and Karen don’t/didn’t love Mike or Billy- they just projected onto them fictional characters they were infatuated with.Max also is said to do something similar- as the costume designers have Lucas dress up like “Max’s crush”- the karate kid (to impress her) and “be like him”.

I mean maybe I am “crazy” but this seems more like overt foreshadowing about these pairings not being endgame.  I could be wrong but I really do believe the Duffers throw in details to foreshadow and allude to things occurring in the story. In a video (7:41) the Duffers mention how they had El in s2 watch Frankenstein on tv to indicate her emotionally state in the cabin feeling “cut off from the world” and “like a monster”. So I don’t think it’s a stretch-when they’ve already admitted what their character watches on tv pertains to something regarding that specific character . ( So why can’t what a character watches on tv (or read) also foreshadow them not ending up with a particular person?)

Then you have the Stalking elements...

Lumax is paralleled to mileven and jancy which have stalking elements, specifically stalking their future partner (lucas being called a ‘stalker’ for stalking Max, el spying on mike and saying “I make my own rules “ -ignoring his discomfort , Jonathan taking pics of nancy unbeknownst to her- although he apologized ) . And although, not as direct of a parallel as the first 3- Hopper spies on mileven kissing  and eavesdrops on Joyce’s move. At the snowball, Lumax and mileven danced to ‘every breath you take’- a song about a bad break up and a stalker ex . The writer of the song also has said many times “it’s NOT a love song.” The duffers obviously knew that. Lumax also danced to it and Lucas was called a ‘stalker’ before they go to the dance floor- to emphasize this point. El also stalked Mike in s2 (all that stuff milevens found romantic- El watching him without him knowing. Mike says he was not ok with it in s3). And in s3 when he said not to do that  she just says ‘i make my own rules’.

* lumax also danced to ‘time after time’ which is also a song about a breakup. And, Max in s2 when  arguing with Lucas’ says “ you guys act like you want me to be your friend but then you just treat me like garbage” (paralleling mileven when El said mike treated her “like garbage” in s3 , before she dumps Mike.)

You can read about more of these “coincidences” or what I’d like to think are purposeful parallels HERE. Warning there’s a lot of parallels.

[creepy-carrion]

Virus | Tim Wright x Reader

hope this is ok idkkkk

You doubted that when Tim said you could come by today, he meant 11 PM. But it had taken every fiber of your being to muster up the strength to come over to that damn house, and if he didn’t open the door on you now, you swore you’d just break a window.

Shifting your weight back and forth nervously, you knocked on the front door again, this time louder than the previous. You didn’t want to be here. God, you’d rather be anywhere than here. But you needed your belongings that were still scattered throughout Tim’s home more than that.

But the speed at which this little situation had escalated still gnawed away in the back of your mind. Tim had always had... issues. That wasn’t a secret, not to you at least. How could he hide it from his significant other anyways? It’s not exactly secretive to people who care about you when you disappear for weeks on end. But he was doing so much better lately, he held a stable job for a while. The medication was working.

But that didn’t change the fact you were standing on his porch to collect your stuff after he dumped you without another word three days ago.

Was it something you’d done? He didn’t sound mad, hell, but why else would he call you, finish it in two minutes before hanging up and blocking your number? Maybe he spiraled again. Usually he wasn’t too hesitant about asking for your help, but he really didn’t sound okay on the phone. Maybe he-

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the lock rattle, before the door swung open, revealing your now ex-boyfriend. Though you had to admit, for a moment you had to double-take if that really was him. The circles under his eyes were a deep, purple color, his hair was oily and tangled... Your suspicions were proven to be right. He really did crash.

“I didn’t think you were going to come by anymore.” Tim speaking up was the only reason you realized you’d both just been silently staring at each other. Your nervous habits started taking over as you started fiddling with your thumbs, suddenly awfully aware what you were here for. You hated it. You hated that Tim knew it. You hated that Tim could read you like a book.

You tried to ignore the sensation of his exhausted yet piercing gaze flickering back and forth between your hands and your face, biting the inside of your cheek before stepping forwards. “You never told me when to be here.” was your only reply, before you wormed your way past him into his home.

The smell. You hated that smell. Your mind was conflicted, emotions were swirling around in your gut and for a moment, you contemplated leaving. Then you wouldn't have to yell at that feeling. That feeling that you were safe, secure, loved. The feeling that scent gave you.

But you weren’t about to run like a prey animal with its tail between its legs.

As you stepped into the living room, you almost got a heart attack when you noticed someone standing in the hallway, before recognizing who it was. “You brought him?” You didn't mean to lace your words with that much venom, but you couldn’t help it. And poor Jay, who was originally going for a bathroom visit, decided it was best for that to wait and scurried off down the hallway into the guest bedroom. 

“I didn’t bring him. He’s staying here.” Although you weren’t exactly being scolded (no way, he did not have the balls to do that), the disapproval was practically dripping off those words.

The thoughts in your mind started racing as you considered the many ways you could snap at him right now. Yeah, you were pissed. But you didn’t want things to escalate.

In fact, you said nothing at all, just trudging over to one of the coffee tables and picking up a dumb souvenir you’d gotten on your trip to the Florida Keys. He didn't even gather your belongings for you. Of course he didn't.

You were awfully well-aware of his presence as he just stood behind you, his eyes avoiding your frame whenever you cast a glance in his direction. Though when your gazes did meet, the emotions that swirled in his eyes were complex and unreadable. Part of you wanted to ask him. But that angry, betrayed whisper in your head was louder than any other thought that crossed your mind.

You didn’t bother.

After throwing whatever stuff you could find into your backpack, you realized you’d have to head over there. Postponing it only worked as long as it wasn’t the last option at the last minute. Bag clutched in one hand and the other pushing against the door, you entered the bedroom.

Your bedroom.

The comforting yet anxiety-inducing scent was stronger here than anywhere else. You despised it. You didn't want to be here. 

And again, Tim just shuffled right behind you, not offering to help you pack. His hand just kept moving feverishly to his pockets, trembling fingers attempting to grab the pack of Marlboro, but he never did. In the end, he just ended up biting at what was left of his nails.

You decided to just hurry up the process. Shoving whatever you could find into your bag, you finally zipped it shut so hastily you could swear it almost came off, and crawled back up on your feet. You were ready to head out, back home. But Tim was ahead of you. As you walked towards the front door, you found Tim had unlocked it for you again, and was holding it open for you.

You froze.

This... This piece of shit had done nothing to help you. Nothing. Did not even offer an explanation for anything. 

But he was holding the door open for you.

That got to you.

Your knuckles popped as your grip on your backpack tightened, fingers turning white. Before you even knew it, your mouth had opened and with a hiss the words came out.

“Fuck you, Tim.”

The both of you were caught off guard. Hell, you didn't even know you had it in you to insult him. But now the flood gates were opened, and you couldn’t close them that easily. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You break up with me on the phone, block my number, have Jay come over to tell me you want my shit out of your house, and you’re holding the door open?! Fuck you!”

Tim sounded caught off guard. “What else did you want me to do, just watch you open the door yourself?!” 

“The door isn’t the fucking issue, Tim!”

It was quiet for a moment, save for your shivery, heavy breathing as you fought back your tears. Tim just stared at his feet, avoiding your gaze at all costs.

“You were doing fine! At least- I thought so- and you just- what the fuck am I supposed to make of this?! Was it me? Did I bore you? Did you- Did you fucking date me until you got better and didn't need your precious little crutch anymore?!” “It’s not that, you don’t under-”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, TIM! I’M FUCKING ASKING YOU!”

You’d never raised your voice at him like that. Your yells echoed throughout the house, choking sobs following suit. Your teary eyes locked with his. If you weren’t so upset, you might’ve seen the hurt flash in them. But all you wanted right now was a goddamn explanation. 

An explanation that never came.

You wiped your eyes on the sleeve of your jacket, your bottom lip trembling. You should’ve known that was why he kept you around. You should’ve known. Your shoulder collided with his roughly as you stormed out of the house, not giving him an opportunity to call after you as you stepped into your car and left.

Tim just stood there, watching the red taillights until they were no longer visible.

“I’m sorry.” Tim turned to Jay, who was shifting his weight from one foot to another uncomfortably. Clearly he felt guilty about this.

“Pack your damn bags, Jay.” Jay nodded and left to the guest bedroom again, his packed bags placed neatly on top of the bed already. He knew what Tim actually meant.

Once he heard the door close, the one string keeping his composure tied together snapped. He pressed his back against the door, rubbing his eyes with so much force he thought they might cave in, high-pitched, scratchy sobs racking his body.

He wanted to scream, cry, anything.

It hurt so bad. It hurt so bad that he couldn't tell you about the hooded figure that had been sneaking into his house. He couldn’t tell you what was going on, hell, knowing you, you’d just put yourself in more danger. But he couldn’t hide what was going on much longer. He couldn't hide the fact he and Jay were leaving tomorrow. He felt like he had no other options.

Tim was the disease. His selfishness had overtaken him. He’d ignored the damage it could do, but he couldn't be any longer, not after what happened to Alex. Not now that he was the cause of Jay’s fucked up life. No, he couldn’t let it spread even further. He couldn't let that happen to you.

He loved you too much for that.

[sneezedarling]

For the sickfic prompts: 38 & 70 for Patrick/David? 💕 Dealer’s choice for the sick one.

Thanks for the request. There’s not that much sneezing in this and I was going to continue but then I realised it was over 1.6k. I will probably continue but let me know if you like it! Remember to send in any requests for David/Patrick, Stucky, Sterek or Schmico using the prompt list!

Patrick is grabbing coffee on a frosty Saturday morning. He smiles at Twyla behind the counter as she hands him his order, but his mind will not stop churning. It keeps replaying yesterday over and over again. David had walked in about 5 minutes late, which wasn’t that bad but that’s not what threw Patrick off. It was the way David avoided eye contact, and the distinct lack of the beautiful smile that usually adorned his face when he arrived, a smile that Patrick had very quickly come to love.

His eyebrow quirked but he let it go, everyone has off days and bad morning. But his expression twisted into one of confusion when David ducked his head to avoid Patrick’s attempt for a kiss, awkwardly brushing a hand over his shoulder instead. He disappears into the back room, presumably to dump his stuff and emerges a few minutes later. He decides to stand a few feet away from Patrick and fiddle absentmindedly, still avoiding eye contact.

“You okay?” Patrick tried to step towards him, but David practically jumped back.

“What? Oh yeah, fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He sounds slightly nervous.

In that moment, Patrick decided to let it go, he figured he would get to the bottom of it eventually, but that bumbling string of words was as close as the got to a conversation all day. As many times as Patrick would try to initiate one, David would respond with curt nods, small sounds of affirmation or occasionally one-word answers. Every time Patrick attempted to get close, he would somehow end up on the opposite side of the store. He seems to be interacting with customers normally, which encourages the heavy weight of insecurity to settle on his chest. It was clearly him.

Patrick took a deep breath and made his way into the back room, to collect his thoughts and come up with a strategy. He has always been someone who enjoyed plans and set methods. When he emerges, however, his perfectly crafted sentence disintegrates and his heart drops, stopping him in his tracks.

David’s head is in his hands, elbows leaning on the counter as be pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes. He sniffles a few times and Patrick is still completely frozen. He’s never seen David cry before, like honest to God tears of sadness, and now that he has, he is damn sure the he never wants to see it again, especially if he’s the one causing it.

Finally, he finds his voice. “David? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He reaches out to touch David’s shoulder.

David bolts upright, eyes screwing shut for a few seconds before they focus on the ground. “I’m fine, I- I’m just g-gonna ta-ahh take my break now.” He practically sprints towards the door.

“David, wait,” Patrick calls but he’s already gone, disappearing down the street.

Patrick spends the rest of the afternoon racking his brain for things he could’ve done to upset David and he just can’t think of any. As soon as David returned, they had been swarmed with customers, which really delayed Patrick’s plans for getting to the bottom of this. David kept working and elected to ignore the worried puppy dog eyes Patrick was casting his way. It’s only when all the customers have gone and David is heading out the door, leaving him to pack up that they have a moment alone.

“David,” Patrick reaches out and gently touches his arm. “Are you upset? Have I done something to upset you?”

David coughed slightly, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. “I’m not upset everything’s fine.”

Patrick felt light crying or yelling, maybe both. “Please, David. I know you’re upset but I don’t know what I’ve done so, please just tell me so we can sort this out.”

“I am not upset. I am fine. Everything is fine.” David’s tone is irritated now and before Patrick can stop him, he turns and leaves, no kiss, no goodbye, no nothing, he just leaves.

Patrick huffs a frustrated sigh and locks up. Why can’t they just deal with thing like adults? This is not a good way to deal with conflict, he didn’t even know what he had done! That night, he tossed and turned relentlessly, combing his mind for reasons David would be so distant and irritated. He couldn’t remember anything. He’d even texted David to ask if he wanted to do something today, because maybe he was fine and Patrick’s insecurities were blowing everything out of proportion, but all he got was some dodgy excuse about being busy that only increased his anxiety. That’s why, when he sees Alexis walking by the café, he nearly drops his coffee to make it into the street in time. The cold winter air bites his cheeks as he jogs to catch up with her.

“Hey!” She smiles.

“Hey.” Patrick’s smile is nowhere near as bright.

“Wow, thanks, I’m glad you’re so excited to see me.” She twists a piece of hair between her fingers.

“Sorry, I just- do you…” He isn’t really sure how to phrase it. “Do you know why David’s mad at me?”

Her expression shifts. “Mad at you? I don’t think he’s- Oh my God, please tell me he is not ignoring you and being weirdly defensive when you ask about it. I hate it when he does this, and he does it every single time.”

“Does what? What’s up with him?” The worry seeping into his voice surprises even him.

“Oh, he’s fine, he’s just sick.” Alexis says nonchalantly.

“Sick? What do you mean sick?” Patrick fidgets with the lid of his coffee cup.

“He’s got a cold. Honestly, the amount of medicines he took to try and look healthy at work with you yesterday probably did more damage than whatever he’s got will.”

Patrick’s mind keeps running this scenario but doesn’t seem to quite comprehend it. “Why did he…what?”

Alexis rolls her eyes. “He’s worried he’ll make you sick or that you’ll think he’s gross, which, to be honest he kind of is. Also, he’s really killing my good vibes, with all his…miserableness.”

Patrick purses his lips. “Where is he? The motel?”

“Yeah, I think so. Also, I didn’t tell you he’s sick and fair warning, he gets kind of mean. Which is totally unfair, because he’s the one spreading his germs everywhere, if anyone gets to be mean, it should be me, right?”

Patrick decides not to answer her and just waves instead, changing his course to head towards the motel. Most of his anxiety has now lifted and has been replaced with confusion. How could he ever think David was gross? He knocks gently on the door of the motel and hears shuffling inside.

“Alexis if you habe lost your keys, again, I am leabing you outside.” David’s voice is hoarse and ragged, much different than yesterday.

When the door swings open, Patrick can’t help but smile at the sight before him. David is still in his rumpled pajamas, blanket hanging heavy on his shoulders and his hair is sticking up in odd directions. His nose, eyes and cheeks are tinted with a red hue and he looks like he hasn’t slept. His eyes widen when he registers that its his boyfriend at the door, not his sister.

“Hey,” Patrick steps inside before David can even open his mouth.

David clears his throat but still winces as his voice grates out like sandpaper. “Umm, hey. What are you doing here?”

“Coming to check on my sick boyfriend.” Patrick smiles but David just frowns.

“I’mb not sick. I’m fide.” He sniffles softly.

Patrick looks him up and down before reaching out to feel his forehead. David steps back and huffs as well as he can through his congestion.

“I’m fine, will you stop stressing! I am fide!” He scoffs lightly, which quickly becomes a barrage of crackly, aggressive coughs that leave him catching his breath.

“Oh, baby,” Patrick can’t stop the sympathy in his voice as he reached out to rub David’s arms.

“Stop, I’mb fine.” He looks annoyed but he’s barely pulling away.

“David, why won’t you let me take care of you? Why do you have to be so stubborn?” He wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

A few seconds later, David’s breath flutters and he’s pushing David away with some actual force, eyes fluttering closed.

“Hah! Hrrsh’uh! Huh’tchoo!” He snaps forward into his cupped hands groaning slightly as a blush rises to his cheeks.

“Bless you,” Patrick murmured, leaning forward to place a kiss on David’s warm forehead. “What was that you were saying about being fine?”

David narrows his eyes but there’s no real fire. “So I have a small cold, I’m not dying. You don’t need to take care of me.”

“I know I don’t need to, I want to.” He gently rubs David’s shoulder as a shiver passes through him.

David sighs. “Patrick, you really don’t have to. I know I’mb gross and debinitely very unsexy right now.”

Patrick scoffs. “Never. You look amazing.”

David raises an eyebrow. “I really am fi-ihh! IptSHH! Hih’CHOO…snf! I’mb okay.”

“Bless you. I know you are, but why don’t we go to my place anyway, hmm? We can just lay around and watch movies.”

Patrick’s waiting for an answer but David’s eyes are already fluttering shut again, face switching to a very cute pre-sneeze expression that Patrick forces himself not to giggle at.

“Ehh…Etsh’tshoo! Heh’etchoo!” He sneezes into his hands then scrubs at his reddening nose.

“Bless you…bless you!” Patrick is already draping a jacket around David’s shoulders and pushing him out the door.

“I love you.” David’s voice takes in an uncharacteristically shy tone.

Patrick smiles and presses a kiss to his temple. “I love you too.”

[panharmonium]

stranger things 3, a visual summary:

more coherent thoughts under the cut, because wow.

......okay.  that was a Trainwreck.  an absolute mess.

i remember when my coworkers were watching S3 (and still urging me to start season 1) and they were saying how amazing the latest season was, and honestly i think there must just be a difference in people who watch tv just to be entertained and people who watch tv and automatically evaluate the story (aka fandom veterans and English majors, lol - cue Me twice), because WHO could watch this critically and praise it that way?

it's honestly hard to know where to even begin; i've been sending frustrated notes to @brambleberrycottage ever since episode three and now that i'm done with episode 8 there's just......so much more to say

first, good things:

erica is a great character.  she's what max should have been (aka, uh.......interesting!)  i liked the realization moment where dustin was like "you're a NERD!"

that entire sequence where will is so upset with lucas and mike for not being engaged with the dnd game was very well done, especially the conversation he has with mike out in the rain.  i loved that moment where mike asked him "did you think we were just going to hang out in my basement playing games forever?" and will said, "yeah.  yeah, i guess i did."  i really felt that.  [edit, now that i've finished: this was never resolved.  will giving away his dnd books at the end was not an actual resolution to this conflict.]

steve is still a good dude, and robin was pretty cool.  i'm down for them being super friends.  but i'm still mourning the steve+nancy+jonathan trio that was a thing for like 5 seconds and then never returned.

i loved how genuinely excited steve was to see dustin when dustin came back from camp.  that was adorable.  "HENDERSON!!!!"  "how many children are you friends with?"

and uh. yeah.  i had more problems with this season than praise-bestowing moments, so.  here goes that bit.

OVERARCHING PROBLEMS:

1. keep it simple, stupid

remember in the office when dwight quoted the above advice to ryan as michael's rule for making a sale?  the same advice applies to storytelling.

season 1 of stranger things is so simple.  there is One Monster.  that is the danger.  and somehow, that single monster manages to be a thousand times more terrifying than all of these new "bigger, scarier, more epic" threats crammed into the second two seasons.

how goofy is the stranger things season 3 plot, seriously?  russians are blackmailing a small-town mayor so they can buy up land to steal power from the town while operating a secret lab under the mall to open a gate to the Upside Down (WHY?), while simultaneously a remnant of the malevolent force that was "defeated" last season has reanimated itself and is making people scarf chemicals (WHY?), and then it possesses one of them and uses that person to possess a bunch of other people in order to build itself a body made out of melted people, in order to kill el, whose only story this season is breaking up with her boyfriend, and we have to infiltrate this russian base in order to close the gate (same endgame as last season - BIG NO-NO) to kill the goo monster, except last time the "mindflayer” survived the gate being closed, so why would this even WORK, and -

the fact that there are so many "round-up/info dump" scenes where characters summarize what's going on and make implausibly accurate connections/guesses about what it all must mean is a red flag.  the characters shouldn’t have to tell your story to the audience.  if it's too complicated for us to keep straight on our own, it's too complicated.  

the amount of energy that goes into trying to lash together a Chaos Plot with too many shaky legs leaves nothing left over for nuanced character development or mood establishment.  you're constantly running to catch up to your own flimsy story before it collapses on top of itself.

2. the horror!

S1 of stranger things was the scariest thing i'd ever seen.

granted, i don't watch a lot of horror, because i don't like it.  i get scared too easily and then i legitimately can't sleep.  i watched a horror movie five years ago that i still think about every time the lights are off in my house.  but still, ST1 was something i had never experienced before.

it wasn't creature horror, and it wasn't just suspense.  it was the UNSETTLINGNESS of it all.  it wasn't really about the monster.  it was about the Upside Down.

the reason ST1 is so successful is because of how much we don’t know.  it's the horror of not understanding what is happening, and the terror of knowing that nobody thinks it’s real.  feeling like you're going crazy and being cut off from all assistance.  the conspiracy and the cover-up.  and the sheer unsettlingness of the whole parallel worlds things just tipped me over the edge - the idea that you can take one wrong step and then be suddenly and without warning completely off the map, simultaneously right next to the people you want to get to and also utterly beyond their reach.  that was fucking scary!!!!  

and they do it all with so little.  i have literally never been more scared in my life than when i would see those christmas lights start flickering.  and they're just LIGHTS!  yes, we see the monster later, but it's the uncertainty that's most frightening.  we don't understand how it arrives in our world, and we don’t know where it will show up next.  it could be right next to you - on the other side.  you could be standing on top of it.  you just don't know.  it’s like what jonathan says to nancy in her bedroom - “it can’t get us in here.”  and she says, “we don’t know that.”

the later seasons of stranger things, by comparison, did not scare me at all.  season two was like a zombie movie - hordes of weak enemies that you can just shoot with a gun.  and season 3 was even less frightening - upping the ante and making things gorier, more explosive, and bigger just isn't the vibe they set in S1.  i'm not scared of that giant goop monster.  it's like godzilla.  it's not horror; it's just a lot of noise.

the unsettling, "creep" factor that made season 1 so effective was gone.  it just turned into a regular old monster movie, and i didn't find that particularly interesting.

3. illogical, captain

a while ago there was a wave of pushback against people complaining about plot holes, but you know what?  there is, in fact, an appropriate place for us to talk about plausibility, as well as the point at which our suspension of disbelief collapses.

ST3 is a bona fide plausibility disaster.  i did not believe half of the story, because it was not unfolding in a believable way.

half of the plot points in this season would not have happened if the characters had been behaving with any kind of sense.  it is absolutely impossible for me to believe that none of these children IMMEDIATELY went to joyce or hopper the minute they knew something weird was going on.  it makes no sense.  after the shit they've seen? ��it makes sense in season 1, because the kids are still so young that they have that kind of magical thinking that makes all of this seem kind of like an adventure.  but they're teenagers now, and developmentally, they’re past that stage.  they know the evil creature is back and they're pretty sure it's possessing billy?  for some unfathomable reason, they don't go to an adult, but try to trap billy in the sauna and just see what happens.  the other group has actual proof that russian soldiers are up to something shady in the mall?  they don't tell an adult; they send a TEN YEAR-OLD in through the AIR DUCTS to investigate the secret room guarded by MEN WITH GUNS.

this is ridiculous.  none of this should have happened.  none of this WOULD have happened.  it breaks the boundaries of disbelief.  it completely sabotages the audience’s engagement with the story - joyce and hopper's whole detour with alexei and murray is so dull, because its entire purpose is to bring hop and joyce up to speed on something that we, the audience, already know.  the other characters already found out this stuff, but did not communicate it - the gate is being opened again in a russian lab underground.  there's no suspense for us.  nothing new is revealed.  we're just waiting for them to hurry up and finish finding out so we can move on to the next thing.

moreover: there are so many other problems besides just "these characters would have talked to each other."  why on earth would murray, whose sole characteristic is extreme paranoia, take alexei wandering around the festival for hot dogs and carnival games.  why would hopper be so virulently against the possibility that weird shit might be happening again?  does he remember the past year or what?  how on earth would the kids be able to fight off that massive monster with an ax and a hunting rifle?  it's made out of dead guts and bones; why does it care if they shoot it?!  how in the WORLD is this russian facility so penetrable?  i'm sorry, it's just - beyond believable.  it doesn't have cameras?  the russians guards really can't tell that murray isn't a native speaker?  they don't check his id when they don't recognize him?  joyce and hopper really just got that lucky, to be asked a question and have “smile and nod” be the right answer?  nobody ever got shot?  it's silly.  it's just silly.  so many things - erica uses the "Open" button to open the elevator door in order to let steve and robin and dustin inside, but once the elevator is at the bottom of the shaft, robin explains the door's inexplicable non-opening because......you apparently need a keycard to use the buttons????  THAT MAKES NO SENSE; ERICA JUST USED THE BUTTONS A SECOND AGO.

even the entire endgame of this season is a contradiction!  if the mind-flayer survived el closing the gate last time, it doesn't make sense that closing the gate this time would kill it.  literally the entire plot of last season was "we need to get this thing out of will, because the creature will die once the gate is closed, and we want to make sure will doesn't die with it."  but apparently the creature didn't die upon closing the gate; it just got trapped in our dimension.  but now apparently it WILL die upon closing the gate.  for whatever fucking reason.

i'm sorry, but that’s a mess.  that’s a bona fide mess.

4. watch your tone

i honestly think the tonal change is the thing that made me the most frustrated about this season.  it's possible to have a terrible plot and still stay relatively true to your characters - you'll still have a bad season, but at least you didn't bastardize your characters in the process.

i had issues with S2 and i definitely was not as impressed with it as i was with S1, but at least in S2 joyce and hopper were recognizable.  in S3, i felt like i was watching strangers.  the tonal shift was bizarre and off-putting, more so with hopper than joyce, but it affected both of them.  

even as early as the very beginning of this season, i was feeling weird about how often hopper was being used for comedy.  and as the season progressed, this trend only became more pronounced.  almost every scene we had of him felt silly - and not like there was just something funny in the scene for me to laugh at, but like the audience was almost being asked to laugh AT him.  like he was constantly the butt of the joke.  

this really bothered me.  from that incredibly sincere and heart-wrenching portrayal of him in season 1, when they kept him rooted in the trauma of losing his daughter and the breakdown of his marriage, and then how that same trauma made him so driven to save will and protect the kids - what a change.  even in season 2 i was frustrated how the throughline of his daughter wasn’t touched again until the very last episode, and now in season 3 we’ve left that part of him so far behind that he's just there for us to laugh at.  we're supposed to laugh at scenes of him being drunk and a mess.  every scene he's in is either him arguing with joyce for comedic relief or being way over the top with alexei or the mayor.  he was like a caricature of himself, and i didn't recognize him.  

joyce suffered from the same thing, just by virtue of proximity.  she spent almost all of her time in this season with hopper, and virtually all of that time was taken up with silly shenanigans or comically overblown arguing.  what a departure from the desperate mother of season 1, who was maligned by everyone in town and only taken seriously by the audience.  now it’s the audience who are supposed to be chuckling at her.  

i dunno.  the tone shift was very dramatic, very obvious, and it impacted the entire season.  are we supposed to be taking this seriously or is it supposed to be a joke?  a little bit of humor to break tension can be a good thing, but when it's constant, it confuses the mood.  

and i personally don't think it was appropriate or respectful to either of these characters, in this case.

SMALLER THINGS THAT BOTHERED ME:

this show has 100% hit maximum character saturation.  by the end of this season there were 13 core characters onscreen at the same time, in the same scene!  it’s too many people!  they cannot reasonably develop that many people in the space allotted.

i still am not interested in max.  i don't feel anything for her.  she doesn't feel real.  i don't hate her, but she's just an empty vessel, and i really do think she's superfluous to this show.  i think you could remove her with very little reworking and the show would be stronger for it.  (they TRIED to do something interesting with billy, and i might have cared if we had been given literally any reason to care about him previously, but there was no investment earned there.  they didn't do the front-end work to make him somebody we were interested in.)

weird relationship sunderings from previous seasons.  i felt very strange about jonathan barely even seeing will this entire season.  i felt very strange about steve having almost zero contact with nancy.  i felt very strange about joyce hardly ever interacting with her kids.  all of these were core relationships - the characters were BUILT on those relationships, and they don't feel real outside of them.  not seeing these characters devote time to these relationships makes it feel like i'm watching a slightly different show.

the VIOLENCE.  apparently this is a beat-em-up now???  i really felt like every other scene somebody was getting beaten to a bloody pulp.  there was SO much smashing and bashing and throwing people into walls and fistfights and head trauma like - first of all, i find that stuff pretty boring, and second of all, all of these people should be in the hospital.  

the GORE.  other people’s mileage may vary, obviously; i just didn't like that.  i looked away at the scene with the rat, and all this...goopy dissolving human shit, and the stabbings, and just...general grossness level - season 1 managed to be bloodcurdlingly terrifying without any of this stuff.

i know this borders on nitpicky, but yet more medical malfeasance - another example of someone receiving an injection via the mysterious 90 degree angle neck route, plus - was anyone else losing it at the fact that steve and robin “puked up” a drug they received……..via injection??????  IT’S NOT IN THEIR STOMACHS, FOLKS!  THEY CAN’T PUKE IT UP!  IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!

the complete lack of follow-up to last season.  the whole S3 plotline (such as it is) feels like a weird side quest.  last season seemed to be furthering the mythos and setting us up for "there are other children like el/brenner is alive" - but this season, that fact appears to have been forgotten by everyone (even el!!!) and has nothing to do with the story that we're given, which is a goofy and redundant story about russians opening a secret lab under the mall which requires us to solve the exact same problem as last season (closing the gate).

this show's inability to keep certain throughlines in its headlights/keep things visible on the periphery instead of dropping them completely and then bringing them back whenever they feel like they need it again.   i already talked about hopper’s daughter as an example of this (done well in S1 and poorly in S2 and S3).  another example is that scene with nancy and her mom - it’s such a good scene, and yet it misses out on so much resonance, because they completely dropped the plotline of karen feeling locked out of her kids’ lives and desperately wanting to connect with them.  if they had continued to reference that throughout season 2, then this scene would have been so much more powerful.   as a third example, season 3 starts with a clear context/premise, and it’s INTERESTING - the town landscape changing because of the mall, business slow to non-existent, small town discontent over big corporations moving in, hopper pressured to break up the protest against mayor kline when he should have let it proceed - and then the show just drops that entire context.  you expect season 3 to stay rooted in the "our small town is being strangled by this mall" and then to eventually deal with the revitalization of hawkins, but nah.  it's never mentioned again.

LASTLY:

i'm not really gonna get into hopper "dying," because he's, like...clearly not dead.  but the whole situation was stupid and contrived (i was so sick of that arnold schwarzenegger lookalike by the last episode, god that whole thing was so dumb) and it's even cheaper knowing that he'll obviously be back.

what i AM gonna say is that i was livid that they brought back that peter gabriel cover of "heroes" to end this season.  their use of that song in S1 blew my mind - it had me stunned with how GORGEOUS it was and just, the way it worked in that particular scene - absolutely incredible.  floored me.  gave me chills.  to recycle it at the end of such a poorly constructed season made me so mad.  yOU CAN'T MAKE ME FEEL THINGS JUST BY REUSING THIS SONG.  I REFUSE TO HAVE EMOTIONS JUST BECAUSE YOU PULL OUT THIS BEAUTIFUL TRACK THAT YOU ONCE USED TO GREAT EFFECT; YOUR STORY WAS STILL TERRIBLE THIS TIME AROUND; DO NOT TRY TO TRICK FEELINGS OUT OF US THAT HAVEN’T BEEN EARNED.  

and that's it.  i’m sure later i’ll think of other things i neglected to mention here, but...yeah.  i was not impressed.  

[wolfcrunch]

75, Izuku and Kaminari, angst? It might be a weird combo idk.

this was a really fun combo to write!! i haven’t written much kaminari before, so i hope i did him justice!

Prompt #75 - Can I be alone right now?

read on AO3 - request a prompt and character(s) for me to write!

Izuku would like to think that he had a pretty good grasp on the characters that made up his class, thank you very much. Not even a year had passed since they had started here, at U.A, and Izuku would be proud to call the nineteen other members of his class his friends.

Aside from the boy being very knowledgeable in all of their quirks (although this was not something he liked admitting out loud), but he figured he knew a great deal about the individual hobbies his classmates took on, or other little quirky things about them others might not notice.

He knew that Iida always set aside an hour for reading every day, except Sunday’s where he did two. He knew Uraraka, despite her money issues, often liked to partake in homemade craft, often using disposable items that people were about to recycle. He knew that Asui (no, Tsu, he reminded himself) had a collection of pebbles and small rocks in her room, some she had been holding onto since she was a small child with a variety of colors, sizes and shapes.

Kirishima often liked to make his own little wooden figurines that he painted as gifts, thanks to his quirks. Ashido was amazingly good at cooking spicy foods, sometimes even managing to rival Kacchan. Tokoyami would take any sweaters or jumpers that somehow got left in the common room, ’borrowing’ them in his room for the time being and Jirou seemed to, surprisingly, be a big fan of classical and orchestral music. Yaoyorozu and Kouda seemed to both be fans of writing and drawing, respectively.

Last he knew, the latter two were trying to work together and make a short story about their classmates, which he honestly couldn’t wait to see.

But yes, Izuku would say that he knew all of his classmates fairly well - even Kacchan, as hostile as ever, seemed to have a fascination in reptiles of all creatures, and was currently set on getting permission from Mr. Aizawa to bring one to the dorms.

The boy didn’t know if this was normal or not…after all, before coming to U.A, he hadn’t had many, if any friends at all, reluctant to even consider that Kacchan so close…so can you really blame him, wanting to know everything he could about his classmates?

 But if he was being honest…there was one classmate who despite all of this, and despite his own outwardly demeanor…Izuku had to admit that he knew the least about this particular student. 

And it wasn’t that he wasn’t observing the other - it was quite the opposite, really. It just appeared that the student, Kaminari, knew how to hide his interests extremely well. It wasn’t something one would call the electricity-quirked user - secretive.

But…Izuku didn’t know what else to put to the other boy. Maybe he was just really shy with whatever it was that he liked doing? But surely he knew none of the class would laugh or make fun of him…

Not to mention that he wasn’t exactly the closest with the blond - who was usually a member of Kacchan’s small group, and the thought of asking the explosive blond leader was out of the question. Kacchan would tell him…but in his own loud, profanity-filled Kacchan-esque way.

No, if Izuku wanted to get closer to another classmate, this was the perfect opportunity. This was his chance.

 And Izuku might not be the best when it came to socializing and getting together with others…but surely it couldn’t be that hard, right?

 —–

 "Ah, Kaminari!!“

Izuku had waited until the following Monday, carefully keeping an eye on the blond as the group finished their classes for the day, waiting until they all got back to the dorms before he decided to approach the other with a raised hand and a light call. The boy startled out of whatever conversation he’d been having with Mineta, and Izuku only felt a little bad.

Judging by the blush and slight nosebleed on Mineta’s face, he should give himself a bigger pat on the back for stopping wherever that talk had been heading.

"Midoriya?”

The other hero-in-training looked confused, and Izuku couldn’t really blame him - neither went out of their way that much to talk about one another. Izuku could only smile sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Ah, it’s about the English assignment we got today…I know you’re pretty good with English, and Todoroki’s not available to help out today…mind if we maybe work out the assignment together?”

Kaminari looked shocked, as if he’d literally shocked himself with his own quirk. “You want me…to help you?”

 In retrospect, maybe it wasn’t the best excuse…but Izuku wasn’t exactly lying either. His English could be downright awful at times. Even with his admiration of All Might…it left him with something less than desired.

 "I…I don’t think I could really be that helpful, eh? I’d just be distraction…“

Izuku refused to back down, "Think about it, Kaminari– you say you always have trouble writing it all down, right? We can help each other…I could even give you some notes on our Maths and Art classes-”

Kaminari moved in the blink of an eye, snatching Izuku’s arms. “Why didn’t you say anything before?! Man, not that I appreciate help from Kacchan, but he can be a reaaaal bummer!”

Izuku smiled at the use of his childhood friend’s nickname, letting the other teen start to drag him along towards the elevators. “So I take that as a yes?”

“Totally!! Oh, dude, we’re gonna have soo much fun!” It seemed as if Kaminari forgot the whole reason they were doing this already, “We’ll go to my room…no offence, but studying and doing homework, All Might watching me from every corner? A real creepy vibe, dude.”

 "Haha, yeah…….wait, what?“

 —–

 "Just throw your stuff wherever ya need to, bro!”

Izuku had seen the blond’s room once - when they had first moved in. He’d been…surprised, sure, by the others taste. But this…

“What an…interesting set up…”

Izuku had no clue where to look first. Kaminari just grinned, trotting right in and all but dumping his schoolbag onto the small table in the middle of the room, books spilling out as he searched through to find his English book.

 And that’s when Izuku saw it.

 A small notebook slid out, falling off the edge and landing on the floor with a quiet thump. Kaminari, too engrossed in finding the correct schoolwork, didn’t notice as Izuku walked over, picking up the notebook carefully in both hands.

It seemed to be about the same size as most of his quirk analysis notebooks…and it seemed extremely worn out, like it had been used a lot. On the front, in big kanji, was just one word that make the unruly-haired teen’s eyes lighten up in excitement.

‘QUIRKS’

Ehhh?! Kaminari keeps a book on quirks?! I mean, I guess it could be anything really…maybe he just thinks of quirks that would be cool to have? Or maybe…

“Hey, Kaminari? I never knew you were one for liking to know things about quirks!” Izuku proclaimed, waving the book around shyly with a hand as the blond’s head whipped up to look at him with wide eyes. Izuku just grinned, turning the notebook over in his hands, almost admiring it. “We should compare notes sometime! It’d be interesting to see how different or alike our notes could be…do you keep updated on heroes or just the class?”

As Izuku spoke excitedly, his scarred fingers began to open the cover of the book. He had no time to react to what came next. As fast as a snake striking, Kaminari’s hand grabbed onto Izuku’s wrist, squeezing tightly as the other hand grasped the book, snatching it out of Izuku’s own.

All Izuku could do was give some sort of yelp of surprise, yanking his hand back hard enough to almost stumble the other teen with his eyes wide.

A throbbing pain started in Izuku’s wrist, and he hissed, covering it with his free hand. “What was that for?”

The One for All user hadn’t seen how Kaminari’s face darkened, snapping back. “You shouldn’t open up other people’s stuff, Midoriya.”

 Izuku had never heard as much malice in the others tone, and even Kaminari seemed caught off guard, taking a step back. “Holy crap dude, I didn’t mean to snap!” he murmured apologetically, keeping his distance as he set the notebook aside on his shelf. “Really, I was way out of line…my notes aren’t any good though, sorry to grab you like that. Is your wrist alright?”

“Ah…yeah, it’s ok…” Izuku mumbled , stretching his fingers before looking at the boy who’d lashed out. “It should be fine.”

“Let me go get you an ice pack from downstairs!” Kaminari insisted, hurrying towards his door. “We can compare notes when I get back, if you’re still up for it?”

“…sure.”

 Izuku didn’t like the unease crawling in his gut, listening halfheartedly as the other told him to sit down and wait before dashing out. Izuku’s free hand tentatively rubbed at his sore wrist, frowning slightly at the force his classmate had decided to use.

Man, I mean, he’s right…but I’ve never seen Kaminari react like that before, and I know he tends to let other people get way closer than that…

An uneasy thought nagged at him, suggesting that perhaps the other had been hiding something within the notebooks contents - but Izuku decided to push that away with a shake of his head. This was Kaminari, after all, one of the nicest people in the class! Surely he, of all people, wasn’t hiding anything to warrant that kind of reaction…

But…

Izuku found himself carefully, quietly heading to the very same shelf Kaminari had put the notebook in the middle of the conflict, only hesitating for a few moments before he reached out, taking the item and sighing softly.

This feels really bad but…I feel like something’s…

Izuku couldn’t really put his finger on the unnatural, bad feeling about it all.

He opened the book–

only for the first page to be empty.

 Frowning, Izuku flipped through the next five, that were equally as blank, and stopped for a moment, eyes raking down the page critically. 

Is it invisible ink maybe? Or maybe he hasn’t even written anything…

But the hero student flipped to the next page, and his throat ran dry. For this page was full…very full. He nearly dropped it, green eyes frantically scanning the pages.

 His stomach crawled as he read the information on the page.

 Name: Aoyama Yuuga (Hero Name: Can’t Stop Twinkling)

D.O.B: 30/5/2XXX

Quirk: Naval Laser

Strengths: Able to shoot out laser in various spots with hero costume. Hyper-aware of surroundings. Able to bend his own light in various shapes. His quirk is exceptionally powerful on its own, and he has deadly accurate aim.

Weaknesses: Stomach hurts after using quirk at full-blast for 10-20 seconds. Has a bit of an ego. Body isn’t very adaptable to his quirk without his belt. Seems to be the odd one out in the class, and acts strangely around them - stands out.

Aoyama seems to think extremely highly of himself, and it would be quite easy to go under the guise of a fan of his, or even a civilian asking about what he calls his “fashion sense”. He loves anything related to France, as well as cheese. Not terribly too smart, but not one you would want to mess with, either. Has not yet trained himself in much when it comes to hand-to-hand or quirkless battling, and being hit with his quirk isn’t an option. Close range battling is best for taking him out.

Rating: 1/5. Body is too unstable to use for different quirks -  however his quirk, with the right base, would be acceptable for H.E.N Project #021

 and that wasn’t all - in any clear space were pictures of the boy himself in all his glory, for once unaware a photo had been taken. There was also a picture taken of the boys hero costume, little bits of writing detailing every part, and even where he would be most vulnerable to strike.

On the next page stated more information about the other blond in their class - his birthplace, current address, and even the basic information about his immediate family - and their quirks, too!

What the hell is all of this…? And this H.E.N Project…

 Izuku wanted to put the book down and leave, feeling a chill go down his spine…but the boy kept going, flicking through the pages and feeling his stomach sink even lower with every filled page he came across.

Ashido Mina

Asui Tsuyu

Iida Tenya

Uraraka Ochako

Mashirao Ojirou

Kirishima Eijirou

Kouda Koji

Satou Rikido

Shouji Mezou

Jirou Kyouka

Sero Hanta

Tokoyami Fumikage

Todoroki Shouto

Hagakure Tooru

Bakugou Katsuki…

 and finally,

 Midoriya Izuku

 Izuku didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, staring at the bottom of Kacchan’s final page before turning it to his own, not sure what he was suppose to be expecting. Well, what he had been expecting, at the least, was writing about as detailed as all his other classmates.

But how wrong he was.

Kaminari’s assessment on him didn’t only have pictures on the hero student himself - no. There were pictures of several others - heroes.

All Might and Gran Torino.

Izuku’s heart sped up, all air leaving his lungs when he also noticed older photos - not of him, but of an younger Gran Torino, of a younger All Might.

Of Shimura Nana. All Might’s mentor.

Izuku’s hands shook as he finally read the information listed, although his green eyes only stuck to one very specific part, one that just about sent the boy into pure terror at the thought of being found out.

 Quirk: One for All.

Counterpart to All for One. One for All allows Midoriya to have access to immense speed and strength. He is currently the ninth holder, inheriting the quirk from All Might, and is likely being trained to be the next Symbol of Peace. One for All grows as the holder grows and mends with the quirk themselves, meaning that Midoriya’s output will eventually be much stronger than that of All Might in his prime. It also appears that One for All can influence the user whenever stuck under any quirks that capture their mind, or force them to go against their will. One for All is not able to be stolen, and can only be passed with the holder’s permission. This quirk can cause dreams forced by those previous, some of which can cause the quirk to lash out violently whilst the current user is sleeping.

 No…no way…Kaminari…

He know’s about One for All!

 Izuku slammed the book shut, putting the book back where he found it as he stumbled back, eyes wide and body almost trembling. His hands found their way to the straps of his backpack, clutching tightly.

He knows about One for All…I know I’ve almost spilled it a couple of times, but there can’t be any way he could’ve heard one of my talks with All Might, or even Kacchan…No one else would’ve told him. No one else knew the secret and Kaminari well enough to talk about it, especially not to his face! What the heck am I suppose to tell All Might?!

…..

Unless…

 All for One.

It felt as if cold water had been thrown over Izuku at the suggestion conquered up…logically, there was no other way the electric quirked boy knew but…

Kaminari…working with All for One? The League of Villains…?

 …it all made too much sense. The attacks. The camp. Kacchan’s kidnapping and Kamino…everything.

He felt sick. Emotions coiled and squeezed at his insides, as if stones were weighing him down under water, and Izuku wasn’t aware of how hard he had been biting his lip, the coppery iron taste of blood filling his mouth. His face paled at what exactly he was accusing the other boy of.

Of being a traitor…

 I have to go…I can’t be here, it’s too dangerous–

He couldn’t take the book with him. It would arouse too much suspicion. Izuku turned his back on the notebook, hurrying to the door, which Kaminari hadn’t closed behind him. But just before he got out to the hallway–

“Midoriya? Dude, you alright? You’re looking kinda pale there.”

Izuku jumped almost several feet in the air, whipping around in fright as Kaminari appeared at the other end of the hallway, coming to meet him with an ice pack in one hand. The One for All user couldn’t help but step back, earning a puzzled look from the blond.

“Midoriya…?”

“A-Ah, sorry Kaminari…something came up,” Izuku couldn’t stop the stutter in his voice, pulling on his bag straps and forcing a wane smile across his face in an attempt to convince the other. “My, uh, my mum called me. Something happened at home and I– I just really gotta go and sort this out, you know? I need to…can I be alone right now?”

Izuku’s gaze averted to the carpet hallway flooring, toeing at the material before he made to go around Kaminari, giving him another uncertain smile. “Thanks for the ice pack, but my wrist barely hurts–”

 "Midoriya.“

 Izuku blinked, and Kaminari went on the offensive. With his quirk crackling around his fingers, the blond had struck out, slamming a hand on Izuku’s chest and letting loose. All in time that was not enough for the target to react as the taller boys quirk reacted immediately, striking out.

The electricity ran its course through Izuku’s veins, setting them alight in fiery pain as he let out a shriek - one that Kaminari quickly covered up with his other hand, dropping the ice pack. Izuku’s legs gave way as the shocks zapped and crackled across his entire body, limbs locking up with Izuku’s mouth gaping open. His throat closed over, stopping any oxygen.

With a vision swimming of black and white, Izuku tried to give out a weak cry, doing his best to fight off the unconsciousness that threatened to submerge him. The sting of copper filled the back of his mouth, and Kaminari crouched besides the fallen boy, golden eyes watching him like a predator.

Kaminari, hair standing up due to the voltage of his quirk, only gave a sickly sweet smile at his classmates predicament, going to pat the cheek of the freckled boy. His voice was muffled, but Izuku could still hear him. Hear the calmness cold that took over the others tone.

"If only you had kept your hands to yourself, Deku…what a naive little hero wannabe.”

No…I can’t…All Might!! Someone…!

But the downed boy couldn’t move his mouth, his tongue as heavy as led, and the student above him sighed.

“I kinda liked your work ethic, ya know? But, well…all good things gotta come to an end, right?”

 And that was the last thing Izuku heard, his body finally going into shutdown and static filling his eardrums, the unconsciousness gripping him and dragging him into the void with its deathly claws, claiming its prize.

  Kaminari scowled at the now knocked-out boy, scoffing as he got up and nudged the smaller boy’s face with his foot. What an idiot.

He quickly looked, making sure no one was entering the floor nor leaving their rooms before he grabbed hold of one of Izuku’s arms, dragging him into his room and shutting the door behind him.

“That was easier than I thought…”

Dragging him across the floor, Kaminari quickly found some rope he had stored away to tie and bound the others arms and legs, shoving him all too roughly into his closet before fishing his phone out of his pocket.

The number he dialed he practically knew off by heart, and he was sure to send a password via text so that the receiver knew it was in fact him.

The phone rung three times before being picked up.

“You better have a good reason for calling, kid.”

  Kaminari couldn’t help the grin that spread across his features. The giddiness that filled his being, almost wanting to make the boy prance around his room in delight.

“Dr. Tsubasa, I got him. Midoriya Izuku is ready for transport to your facility.”