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a special thank you to my moots.
(TW: suicidal thoughts, ig?)
ahem- so as I have mentioned, today is my 1 year old this platform! I honestly cant believe it’s been this..long? A lot has happened, too. And honestly for the longest time, it wasn’t going well. Like- at all.
(rant continues under the cut:)
I’m don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Im doing much better than before, so it’s really not a big deal anymore. I’m just giving some brief context for my 2023- early 2024 school year.
so, I made this blog a couple days before the whole situation went down. Which I think I briefly mentioned on here.
so for a bit, I had felt very uh- isolated in my friend group. I had kinda always been the odd one out. We had different interests. Their sort of fun was hangin’ out, gossiping and what not. And I was into cartoons, and art. I never really told them, though. There were sorta judgy, and I was very insecure. Because they make fun of people. And I didn’t wanna end up by myself.
But anyways- usually, they’d all leave. And tell me to watch their stuff. And since I’m sort of a pushover irl, I didn’t really argue about it. But when I say all of them leave-? I meant all of them. All 4 of em. And it often did upset me.
also they’d talk to people I didn’t even know- which, okay yeah- but I couldn’t talk to them. I didn’t wanna get dirty looks. I’m not a very outgoing person. I like to think I keep to myself often.
So, Halloween comes around. And this stuff doesn’t end. And for a bit more context, one of my friends was getting super annoying by me. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, like- at all. She easily got annoyed at me. And only me.
so she went to the Halloween dance- last block of the day
blah blah skip to after school and I text the group- “where are u guys?” None of them respond. So I search a lil bit, then head outside. Where- guess what? All of them were.
I asked “Why didn’t you answer the text?”
and my friends that gets annoyed at my easily said a snarky “my phone was off.” And was generally just being fucking bitch. And I use to be a big crybaby and stuff- and eventually grew out of it. But this- this sentence really upset me. I stormed off, avoiding all of them.
eventually I got on my bus and- well. Uh. Let my feelings out, if you will. I remember it very cleary, too. It was one of the most tears I had shed in a long time.
I get home, and the girl texts the gc, clamming I stormed off for “no reason” and I had enough. Saying smth “I obviously didnt storm off for no fucking reason”
a bit more of arguing keeps going, and a lot more sobs. It was one of the worst days I had ever had.
a few more days go by, and the situation gets worse. I avoid all of them, and hung out w/ a diff friend. I ranted/vent to her, telling her my friend was a Hippocrate for complaining about our other friends leaving, even tho she did the EXACT same fucking thing.
Which, was talking shit. So that wasn’t great and rlly bad of me. And I guess karma hit hard bc she texted me after school, saying I was talking shit abt her. Bc my friend was friends with her friends. So..awkward..
and really- the next day, it was over. I was free. But at what cost, really? I lost all my friends. Became an outcast, really. It was pathetic, now that I think about it.
for the rest of the year, I rarely spoke to them. And never talked to the other girl.
I spent most my time in the library, reading. And skipping out on eating. I was so unhappy. I don’t wanna say depressed but- very close.
it really made me hate who I was. It made me feel like a terrible person.
And that’s when I really did start using Tumblr more. It was sort of an escape, of mine. And god, I’m so glad I set up and account. I Met do many amazing and unique people one here.
This is sort of corny but, I really think this has helped me through a lot. Since a few months early I lost my privileges to tik tok, and discord. Which, yeah. Sucked.
but so many things had happened-! Joined a rp group, met a new online friend (which we are now very very close<3), found out about a LOT of facts, found other people who shared my interests!
so here we are, one year later.
it was really something. I’ve met so many wonderful people on here, man. Especially my moots. You guys know who you are. I’m not gonna tag you guys, but I’ll do a quick smth smth ig
FIRST OF- my first closest moots-!! Ghosty, cookie, Sleepy, Ally, And my Pooks, Ari. So many awesome things happened with these guys. A lot of funny moments, too. Lmao.
AND ALL MY RAMSHACKLE PEEPS- dew, anomaly, Schnozz, reboot, Bailey, lilac,- you guys are literally AWESOME UGH- I seriously enjoy every interaction I have with you guys. It genuinely makes me so happy
sorry this is super corny and stuff, I really wanted to make something meaningful for this. Thank you guys for being so amazing.<3
— jj
#<3#1 year tumblrversary#jj Lore drop#TW: rant#tw: suicidal thoughts mentioned igg uh uh yeahhh#importantish#rant
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im someone who’s slightly on the fence about malia, i don’t have any super strong opinions on her, to be honest.
im not a fan like a lot of ppl are bc.. what is there to be s fan of? she doesnt make content of her own rlly & we know next to nothing ab who she is in terms on interests and personality.
i dislike the lying she did in terms of that whole onlyfans thing, but i understand why she did lie.
idk i feel like ppl who are obsessed with her are moreso a fan because they wanna appease colby & get on his good side. they dont actually like HER they want his approval.
i definitely think there are fans that are purposefully pretending to love malia just to get in colby's good graces/get noticed by him. that's for sure happening. but i don't think that's all the fans that act like they love her.
(went on a bit of rant, so my bad lol)
i think the reason why malia has certain fans acting like they love her is the same reason why someone like charlie d'amelio blew up when all she did was do popular dances: she's pretty. pretty privilege gets you super far online. i also think malia has a nice aesthetic and that too is why ppl like her. and then on top of that, she's an extension of colby bc she's his gf - so now she's even """"better"""" than she was before. plus i think in some ppl's heads if colby is dating her, she must be a good person bc they doubt he would date someone terrible.
my thing with her is that if you don't have any feelings towards her/are indifferent, that's totally fine and understandable. we don't know her that well. but to hate her is dumb. she just posts her little tiktoks and makes an insta post once a while. what is there to hate about her? you know literally nothing, so why hate?? if she's truly that boring, what is there to hate on?
interestingly, the onlyfans situation pisses me off in a weird way. bc i have to ask, what does the fandom gain from her answering it truthfully?? or really, why was the question asked in the first place?? bc clearly it wasn't being asked in good faith or bc fans were genuinely curious. no, it was being used as a gotcha question. bc a good chunk of us all saw she had a onlyfans link in her bio before colby started dating her. i remember seeing it. but reality is… what does her admitting to having one at one point prove?
it was a double edge sword for her either way. if she tells the truth and admits to having one, a - the fans that hate her will call her a slut, a whore, a sex worker and say she's weird for selling her body online and that's why colby shouldn't date her. or b, "omg she's promoting her onlyfans to colby's underage fans, she's a freak". i foresaw both of those outcomes happening instantly. her saying "no i don't have one" is the best case bc it ends the conversation. so what if she "lied"? who cares? it was a dumb question being asked at her frequently just so her haters could use it as a point against her.
also clearly colby doesn't give a flying fuck and a half that she had one, whether she posted on it or not, bc he was following onlyfans models for YEARS. so… highly doubt he was upset that she had one at one point lol
sorry if i sounded a bit angry at you - i'm not. i just think the onlyfans situation is an annoying thing her haters bring up as if it's proof she's a terrible person or something. like "omg see she's a liar" as if we haven't all lied before. dear god lol
also - and i might as well get this off my chest bc it's about this situation too - is that a group of fans that were hell bent on her bc of that question tried to see if her onlyfans existed still so that they could sub to her bc they 1, wanted to make fun of her for her body and 2, wanted to shame her. and on top of that they were all MINORS. so not only would that have been illegal, it's also double fucked bc body shaming her does literally NOTHING except make her feel like shit. and all of this bc she's dating colby. it has nothing to do with her personality, and has everything to do with shaming her and making her "understand" she doesn't deserve him. when in true reality, this fandom doesn't deserve snc at this point bc of this type of behavior.
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I wasn’t the one who originally talked to this, but guess which Formula one team is now up to twenty-three photos and videos for Carlos and four for Charles?!
Ferrari!
I get they’re happy they won, but they’re milking the win and it makes it less special to me. It’s Tuesday. The win is over and done with. They need to give it a fucking rest. Listen, I hate to be that person because I’m not toxic, but if this is how Ferrari acts, every time they get a win, I hope they don’t win again until Lewis joins.
I’m only saying until he joins because then people won’t say things like cancel his contract or you’re gonna regret giving him up and stuff like that.
We all know it’s not gonna happen again anyway because once Max loses, he makes sure never to lose again. If it wasn’t for the crappy, Mercedes car, Max’s only opponent would be Lewis, but right now, Max’s only opponent is his car.
I don’t know if you remember what happened last year when Checo beat Max. He said it would never happen again and then he went on to win the rest of the year. Other than that one time Carlos won. That’s how I feel like it’s going to be this year. If someone else does win, I hope it’s from any other team, except for Ferrari.
I hate feeling like this, but Ferrari and Red Bull fans think they are on top of the world, and that they are the best teams on the grid and they are unbeatable. Well, Red Bull is, but Ferrari is not.
I sincerely hope that Lando, Oscar, Yuki, and Logan gets their first wins, or even podium in Yuki and Logan’s case!
I’m sorry if I seem toxic, but Ferrari admin just shared yet another compilation of videos and photos of the same exact goddamn thing as they had the other 22 times, but from different angles.
I now know what that other anon meant but it’s getting annoying.
Sorry for ranting. You’re probably sick and tired of people coming to complain about other teams
But a quick question. How the fuck did the Mercedes car get worse than last year’s?
still posting on tuesday is a bit much, like the hype already passed 😭
i just rlly hope lewis wins w ferrariiiii, merc has been doing him dirty asf and he deserves that 104th😫
yeah for sure if lewis had an equal car to red bull then there’d be more competition esp between him and max, it’s a shame merc keeps getting worse n worse 😭😭
i don’t mind carlos winning tbh it’s just the fans who make me annoyed asf with their ‘ferrari made a big mistake’ ‘ferrari is gonna regret it’ comments 💀 like PLEASE lewis is a 7x wdc of course he’s gonna be picked over a 3x race winner
i just rlly want logan points 😞😞 and yuki podium would be so💗💗
i thought last year was the end of mercedes shit show IDEK HOW KTS WORSE NOW
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so i'm a detrans radfem (detrans'd back in august) and the past few weeks i've been really examining my attraction to others for the first time since i came out as bisexual years ago. and im starting to think that maybe i'm heterosexual and i just. don't know how to cope with that. being part of the 'queer' community was such a big part of my identity for years, and then even after i detransitioned i still was proud to be a bisexual woman and part of the LGB community. but really i can barely remember any specific times i was sexually attracted to women except when i forced the feeling while very briefly dating a girl back in high school. i just had assumed i was bisexual bc i like hanging out with women a lot and theyre objectively rlly pretty and i would love to find a female life partner but. theres just this strong sexual desire i get with men and not women and i'm finally realizing that but i hate the idea of being a straight woman, especially as someone who has made the choice to not date men for political and safety reasons. on top of that, all of my friends are bisexual and with how many jokes we've made about heterosexuals in the past, i'm worried i wouldn't fit in as much. sorry for the rant i just felt upset and needed to get it off my chest
Sweety, I am glad you found a way to get it off your chest, and if you want a bigger conversation, my dms are open.
Anyway, it is normal to feel confused as a teenager and if you are surrounded by a certain group you want to fit in. I think all the women are pretty, so of course you should be attracted to them muddied the water of the conversations around attraction. Aesthetically pleasing and attraction/desire are different things, and people need to accept that yeah, sometimes you happen to be straight. My test whenever I doubt my attraction is, can I envision myself having sex with a woman and enjoying it. My answer is always yes, but it has helped me make my feelings clearer. I think you have had a similar train of thought and came to the conclusion of being straight. It is difficult to accept parts of yourself that you put away, but if they are truly your friends, they will support you. Especially if they hung arpund after detransitioning. That is not easy to accept, maybe in q**** spaces, but they stood by you as you found more of yourself. Sexuality is a part of you, but it isn't you nor your identity or personality. You are more than the sum of your attributes, and the defining characteristic shouldn't be your sexuality, but your compassion or kindness or passion. I wish you lots of luck on this journey of self-acceptance, and my dms are open. Hopefully, you got something useful out of my response. I want to wish you the best of luck anon❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
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ok so disclaimer: i literally started writing this almost immediately after i woke up so there will be a bunch of typos which i dont bother fixing cuz im still very tired
had a dream where tpot 3 came out and i think it was 2 hours long and it was this HUGE bfdi finale video that had ALL the bfb characters (except…the tpot guys???? excluding 2 they were here at some point i think) i remember not watching the whole thing cuz it was fucking late at night so i skipped to near the end but right before i did there was this ?? intro to the episode where its just cary in front of a greenscreen thianking everyone who watched battle for dream island and when he said this an image was shown on screen that looked like the "I HATE CHOCOLATE" lady from asoingbob. anyways before ihe could continue i skipped REALLY far in the video where 4 and x have everyone gathered by a stage
(drew this on my phone sorry it looks like dogshit i didnt feel like redrawing it SKDJHFSDJF)
he was gonna reveal…something?? but before that he started doing this REALLY sarcastic and 4th wall breaking speech that basically made fun of the osc and people that didn't like post split??? it was so fuckunf weird it felt like cary/michael/whoever wrote this was having a breakdown while writing yhat. but thankfully it was just a joke thing and all the contestants hated him for that because i think at some point during the speech 4 started making fun of them too??? i swear they described everyone as "marketable disney stereotypes" and went off abt each one like. ok
while listing off each contestants flaws on stage, loser suddenly TRIES TO interrupt 4 multiple times but it doesn't rlly work out (plus her voice is different?? kinda… i described it as "more manly and…hunk-y sounding" so take that wgat you will)
anyways loser was fed up w this and stands up to 4 and getd all of the other contestants to GET THEIR FUVKING ASS so all the contestants get up onto the stage and start destroying the thing that was under that tarp (it was some kind of bad machine thing?) and the whole time this was happening 4 was just going "ohhhh oh nooo" in the most deadpan monotone voice possible. and ooohh this descrution scene ends with loser flinging himself AND CAKE up into the air like this was some anime shit and she slammed into the machine with one fist while holding cake in the other arm. this made me fucking get out of my bed and start punching shit (very positive) oh my god i was freaking the fuck out here
i remember i coudlnt stop replaying that scene NOT ONLY CUZ IT WAS THE FIRST LOSER & CAKE INTERACTION IN . A FUCKING WHILE but i also wanted to take a screenshot of cake's face cuz he had the funniest expression (too lazy to draw it but he was blushing SO MUCH and also screaming cuz he was falling w loser) BUT I COULDNT TAKE A GOOD FUCKING SCREENSHOT SO. MOST OF THE REST OF THIS DREAM WAS ME ANXIOUSLY TRYING TO GET A SCREENSHOT OF THIS FUCKING THIGN. oh yeah also cake's design was slightly different, he just had a white (or light yellow) center rather than a darker brown one.
then after i THINK i managed to grab a screenshot i went on a rant w lan abot how forced??? loser's little arc felt cuz there was no buildup ig and i just ended up complaining abt post splt and how bad jnjs writing was
THE END thats all i remember, i woke up drenched in fcking sweat at 2 am cuz of this (/hj itsalso just really hot in my room)
#i might draw some stuff based on this dream but no promises i feel very dented#also its currently 3 am i havent been able to fall bac asleep after this HELP#nate dreamposting
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hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.
also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D
anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.
my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/
i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333
That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs
the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.
If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.
I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸
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going insane! !! ! ! ! I literally HATE HATE HATTTEEE when people give credit to shows for adding Queer characters and queer storylines when they do not EXIST AT ALL. People dont know how to recognize when they are not receiving the representation they SHOULD be receiving because they are SOOO detached from what is deserved. A character being confirmed as lgbt in later interviews is not representation. A character being lgbt through Sci-Fi allegory is not always good or proper representation. NO a character's entire "personality" does not have to revolve around being LGBT for them to be considered good rep, but when you make their sexuality or gender identity something easily missed, or hidden away, or LITERALLY ACKNOWLEDGE IN INTERVIEWS THAT YOUD RATHER NOT BE EXPLICIT WITH IT... that's not good. What would hurt your story if your character said out loud they like women or were bi? How would that damage anything? And I KNOW you don't need to be EXPLICIT when it comes to these things, but when you SAY it DAMAGES a character, you obviously do not have LGBT people in your best interest when creating this type of representation. Once again you are catering to straight people who would prefer you to just not say anything. Sure she can give glances, or maybe suggest something, but outright saying it... NO thats not good! and its Damaging!! Literally shut up and die idec anymore.
#I hate it here#i dont wanna see shit about how taika waititi is making a difference regarding LGBT representation in the MCU because hes done NOTHING.#captain's log#sorry for the RANT i just... rlly hate when this happens. i remember this happened during the final season of voltron... and i got very#pissed off about that . didnt even watch it. bc people dont know how to recognize something as not good.#people will accept CRUMBS . annoying as hell#anyway feel free to comment on this i wanna know what u guys think 0_0
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actually y’all i need to rant and i’m going to sound like a pathetic loser but i’ll wait until shame comes in so i can delete this later but rn it’s night time and it’s the right time
so like, idk abt yall, but during the late hours of the night, my emotions are heightened unlike during the day. Like if I’m happy, i’m all smiley and giggly and i’m never like that during the day. I’m a night person yeah. But i get sad easier at night. And tonight i am sad boohoo
what am i sad about? IM LONELY AS FUCK 😭
the thing is, i’ve been single my whole life. i’ve been told and convinced that i wasn’t beautiful or worthy of love, and no one has ever shown interest in me. Boys would bully me the most over my looks. And i’m not going to lie and say “but i was beautiful all along” bcs i wasnt. I was a lol scrawny nerd who wore glasses and the same hoodie everyday. I didn’t care abt my looks at all, but it’s a bit diff bcs i’ve grown up in places where there weren’t ppl like me. So in either predominantly white or asian schools. I was never beautiful to them.
but it’s not just that. I’m convinced there is something wrong with me, bcs when I see my sister, I see everything that i want to be. She’s feminine, pretty, confident, strong etc etc. Ever since she was little, she’s had everyone all over her and people would always compliment her and overlook me.
i remember when my grandpa straight up called me ugly and then said that my sisters were like “pretty princess” to my face. I’ve always hated him. This might sound morbid, but i’m glad he’s dead. He was never a good person anyways.
my sister used to make fun of me for my looks as well bcs i was never as pretty as her. Everyday, I nitpick at every little thing because of her. My shoulders are too wide, i’m not feminine enough, my skin is too dark, i look like a child etc etc etc like WHYYYYY can’t i stop????? ARGHHH
and WHY does it seem like everyone has had love in their lives but me???? no one has ever been interested in me, and i feel like i’m going to be alone forever. I keep trying to convince myself that someone would come along one day, but i continue to lose hope. I’m so scared to get close to people, and im not good at making conversation, i can’t even make friends, how do i expect to one day get married?
i have a skin condition that makes my skin rough and bumpy, and people have always commented about it, and i don’t even want people to get physically close to me bcs of it. i hate when people touch me, and im always so hyper aware of someone’s proximity.
like what happened to the little girl that loved hugs and holding hands? i hate that i’ve changed. i used to be so extroverted and happy and social, but i’ve gotten shut down and hurt so many times and now im a fkn recluse like ew i hate myself
sometimes i get the urge to drink myself drunk so i would stop thinking and so that i’d be free from shame and embarrassment and anxiety, but i don’t do that bcs 1. alcohol tastes disgusting and 2. i feel like if i give in, i’d develop an addiction.
i feel so sorry for all of the friends that i do have and for the future boyfriend that i may or may not have. i’m so insecure that it ruins everything. I think that no one rlly likes me and they’ll all leave me one day just like my friends have done in the past, just bcs i wasn’t pretty enough or cool enough.
#what i would give to just be a normal girl#with a normal life#i always thought that i’d be like the girls in the movies as a teen#but instead i’m like this lol#that fucking sucks
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i’m obsessed w giselle rn like i love how all berdly enjoyers have wildly different family hcs but we all collectively agreed that his relationship w them is Not Great (also on a more personal note i enjoy the strong motherly force bc my own family hcs involve berdlys mom being way more important and influential to her son than the dad BUT ANYWAY). but also OGH you capture the queen vibes so fuckjng well she is so good. love giselle. girlboss. but also now i’m thinking abt her forgetfulness and how that ties into how berdly fixates and values such inconsequential things. like the spelling bee!!! he was probably like ten or something when that happened, but it’s one of those things giselle Remembers so she always brings it back up. like “oh you’re doing good in english? of course you are! you won that spelling bee didn’t you?” and berdly is like “yes now i will make that my entire personality”. i also resonate w the hardworking single mom vibe SO MUCH and the awkward fucking drive home when you have Nothing to say to each other. god. berdly needs support but he knows he can’t rlly get it from his mom bc she’s So Busy so he just closes in. and by the time giselle realizes her son doesn’t tell her anything anymore it’s already too late and berdly is entirely self-sufficient and bottled up and OHHHHHHHHHH i love him so much. little guy. anyways great content hcndbvmfnfjc sorry for the rant
NO NO DON'T APOLOGIZE we love ranting in this house. this was a delight to read !! you really got what i was going for with giselle's character and that makes me happy. it's nice knowing that my full intent came through even though i didn't necessarily explain everything. like you're right on the nose with the spelling bee thing, wow??
he really does need support, and giselle recognizes this and she is trying to reach out, but the issue is she was so busy for so long that she didn't notice how much he needed her until he had already learned to close himself off. she can't figure out how to connect with him right now. results in many painfully awkward car rides (because at home he expertly avoids staying in the same room as her for more than 2 seconds)
when he was a baby she doted on him. he needed her. all the time. so of course she gave him that undivided attention, while distantly stressing about workmoneythebills-how-am-i-supposed-to-juggle-this-and-be-a-mother. and as he started to get older and could y'know like, fend for himself a bit more, she was relieved and started to withdraw, to give work more attention, so she could provide for anything he may need or just want
obviously this isn't how you do it. and berdly's never going to remember the days when giselle would kiss his cheeks and cradle him and read him bedtime stories every night. and even if he could, what good is it if that's not being expressed to him anymore? what he remembers, what matters to him, is the "in a minute, dear", the "not now i need to finish this", the "i won't be home tonight. there's leftovers in the fridge."
but i hate to leave things in such a miserable state... i didn't do this on purpose but i realized their current relationship reminded me of the relationship i had with my own mom when i was in high school so on this note.. why not let giselle and berdly reconcile the way we did . it's not perfect. a lot of the damage is irreparable, and they might not ever be particularly close, but they can come to a mutual understanding and rebuild. berdly can choose to forgive her
'course, sometimes it takes the worst case scenario for this kind of progress to be made (excerpt from the script of the comic i'm drafting [prettied up and made easier to read])
#equivalent exchange: you give me a rant and i rant right back at you ^^#IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY GIRL i like her too <3#ALSO OBVIOUSLY!!!!she and berdly can reconcile in the pacifist route too. im just focusing on the neutral route for this because.#idk what the 'worst case scenario' that gets them to Talk would be in the pacifist route. also i already wrote this script in a dream#so i didn't even have to like. think about it#and as far as the snowgrave route goes ummmmmmmmm im not acknowledging it 😊#mailbox#giselle
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hey sorry for asking but im very new to the fandom and i just never caught what tf happened with foster, could i get a quick rundown? like ultimately idrc but i rlly liked talks & im just curious tbh
quick disclaimer: i don't claim to know everything about this situation in general but here is a very basic rundown of what i observed
shortly after it was announced that campaign 2 was ending soon, brian quote tweeted someone who said "i will pay brian $100 to not be condescending over fans being rightfully distressed over this whole situation" and said "Haven't at all done that. But you can pay me $100 just cuz." the person he quote tweeted did not @ him in any way and didn't even say his full name in the tweet
from there on, it spiraled into a whole "conversation" about how brian feels he has the right to qrt people who say certain things in order to "set an example"
i believe the next day he tweeted some kind of fake apology - like literally a fake apology that was a joke, although i don't remember exactly what it said and i don't have a screenshot of it
within the next day or so he wiped his entire twitter of all previous tweets and was gone for a little while (i've heard other people say that this is not the only time this kind of thing had happened, although i personally have no proof of that)
after this, the campaign 2 wrap up was hosted essentially by the cast and brian was not present (as he had been for the c1 wrap up which was essentially an episode of talks with the entire cast)
after some time, the cr twitter account announced that brian was leaving the company to pursue other things
since then, brian has made several very vague comments about what went down, but i believe he had never outright stated until yesterday that he was in fact fired, although this could be wrong since i don't watch his streams. i know he had a stream a couple of months ago where he talked very abstractly about cr but i honestly don't remember what he was saying because it was mostly a bunch of vague nonsense to me at the time
also after the c3 intro song/video was released and some people in the community were talking about the issues they had with it, brian quote tweeted one of them and went on a whole rant about how the hate towards it was "fucking bonkers" and how people were just trying to find ways to get offended. he later apologized basically by saying "sorry, i just get really defensive when it comes to my friends"
and i guess that's about it? basically, it seems cr (whether that be the cast or others involved in the company) had issues with the way he interacted with the community at times, and he likely didn't want to compromise on this, thus him being let go
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MANDATORY I HATE TUMBLR 😡😡😡
now... heeyn and reihoon date <333 also don't kill me but i was never a hsm fan 😨 i barely remember the 1st one but i rlly liked the 2nd one idk it was funnier ig??? anyways that's my dark secret i'm sorry 😔😔
NOW ONTO MY MAMA KIM RANT: WTH??? LIKE IT'S SO OBVIOUS THAT SHE'S THE ANTAGONIST LIKE SHE'S LITERALLY A VILLAINESS. SHE LIVES TO RUIN BABY KIM'S (AND THE OTHER KIM SIBLINGS BUT ESPECIALLY BABY KIM'S) LIFE I'M GONNA COMMIT MURDER. OVERWORKING HER DAUGHTER WHILE ALSO NOT LETTING HER STUDY BUT SAYING HER GRADES CAN'T DROP GRRRRR 😡😡😡😡😡😡
...alright i'm better. anyways we love asahi for spilling the beans. you can always count on him to fuck up in the best way possible <33
We hate Tumblr but it's our hellsite ya know. Now that I know it's a Tumblr problem, just expect messages from me telling you that a new chapter is up 😂😂.
Heeyn and Reihoon will be getting up to more double date shenanigans, I love them.
My love for HSM comes from the fact that I was part of the demographic the film was aiming for when it came out and Disney Channel was the only thing I watched as a preteen and teenager. So for me there's a lot of nostalgia surrounding the first movie but yeah I can admit it was kinda dumb. I definitely in hindsight think Troy is a bit of an idiot and Gabriella just yeah she's something else 😂.
Mama Kim is a villain I'm loving. I've got a whole back story for her in my head that probably won't be part of the story. But this woman was never fit to be a mother and we'll find out more of the messed up things she's done and will do moving forward in the story 😂.
Asahi being the one to spill was very last minute. I was planning on having the Kim Siblings walk in on them making out but then I was writing and Asahi spilling just happened and I was pretty happy with it so that's how that happened. Asahi is the lovable idiot in this story and that will never change.
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(I was about to ask you if you can do Nagito with an S/O who’s like Leviathan from obey me but since you don’t know the game, I will just describe his personality for you.)
So basically S/O is an otaku who usually spends most of their time on the internet and doesn’t usually talk to people unless if they really have to. They usually rant about whatever anime or game they’re interested in to their closest friends and they tend to use internet slang even if they’re speaking to someone (ex: “Someone go grab the popcorn lolol”) Despite them revolving their reputation around being an otaku, they don’t think very highly of themselves and is very insecure. Since Leviathan represents Envy in the game, S/O is also easily jealous and often talks about how “unfair” or “lucky” others are. They also like to invite their closest friends to events in video games. They are also a mix of shy and energetic since they have a lack of social skills but they also gets angry when they get jealous or ecstatic when they see something rlly cool happening.
I feel like that sums it all up, I hope the request isn’t too hard.
Thank you for describing the personality in such good detail! I can definitely work with this!
Nagito with a S/O like Leviathan.
You were known as the ultimate otaku! You spent most of your time on the internet. Had very pricey anime merch and manga. Your room look liked an anime paradise. You also played video games.
When you got accepted into hopes peak you weren’t the most excited. You were homeschooled mostly, you hated going out in public and being ‘social’. You were pretty awkward in public.
You knew you didn’t have to go to the school. It wasn’t necessary to attend. But your parents practically forced you to go. They threatened to take away your privilege to buy anime merch and manga for 4 months if you didn’t go. You couldn’t live that long without being able to buy the things you like. So you reluctantly went to hopes peak.
You arrived the first day and you felt extreme social anxiety. You sat in a chair and noticed a girl with a game in her hand. You saw she was playing (insert random game.) you actually really like that game.
“You play (game name)?”
“Yes. I do, I like the story and design of this game.”
“I must agree the story and design are pretty great. I personally like to play games with a story like Kingdom of hearts it’s one of my personal favorites, the first one was good and I like the second one. I can’t wait for the third.”
“I really like that game too. It’s such a fun story and the mystery behind it is so much fun. What’s your name? I’m chiaki nanami the ultimate gamer.”
“Oh I’m f/n l/n the ultimate otaku.”
“So you like anime and manga I’m guessing.”
“Yeah I do. I also don’t do to well with social interactions, unless I’m online. I honestly didn’t want to come but my parents would cutoff my ability to buy merch and manga. So I really didn’t have a choice.”
“You don’t seem to be too bad at interactions. I mean your talking to me just fine.”
“Well that’s because we’re talking about something I’m really into. Normally I have nothing to say that isn’t consider to most people as nerdy or geeky. Sorry for uh wasting your time, I going back to my desk.”
You sat back in your desk and pulled out your phone talking to your internet friends. When somebody walked next to you. You noticed but that’s all.
“Hello.”
You looked to see a boy with very white hair and a smile on his face.
“Uh hello…”
“I’m Nagito Komeada the ultimate lucky student! If I may can I know your name and ultimate?”
“Um I’m f/n l/n the ultimate otaku…”
“Oh wow! That’s mean you probably have a lot of anime merch and manga right?”
“Yes I do…Um…not to be rude…but is there something you need?”
“Oh no. I just wanted to know introduce myself even though you will probably forget trash like me.”
“Hehehehe well there’s something we have in common. I doubt you’ll remember a loser like me lol, Ugh it’s so unfair, I can’t believe I’m an ultimate for something so lame. There so many people with such better Ultimates.”
“What! If anybodies ultimate is lame it’s mine!”
“Yeah…totally… being super lucky is so much worse than a loser who just watches ‘cartoons’ and collects figures that super expensive all day.”
Before he can respond you pull out your headphones put them on and started listening to your favorite anime openings. You just wanted to go back home and play video games.
Throughout the day you overhead everyone’s amazing Ultimates, you couldn’t help but think you didn’t belong there. These people had all these amazing skills and what are you an otaku. After a while you walked out of the class and went to a hallway and looked out a window.
“Hey.”
You looked over to see Nagito.
“Oh hey.”
“What aren’t you in class with everyone else?”
“Cause I don’t belong in that class.”
“But your an ultimate!”
“So what. My ultimate is so boring compared to the others. I just want to go home and play video games.”
“What kind of games do you play?”
“Oh I play games with a story and good graphics. But I also like games that don’t have a plot like, Minecraft. It extends my creativity. I’ll also watch a random anime while playing. Normally if I’m playing the anime I put on is death note. It’s one my favorites no cap.”
“No cap?”
“Sorry I tend to use internet slang even in real life conversation.”
For the next hour or two, you mentioned the type of games you play, anime you watch, and some merch/figures you have. Nagito was mentioning a game you played very often, you told him that a event of the game was coming up. You invited him to join you and he agreed.
When joined in one the event, you sounded so much more happy and very enthusiastic. He got to see a new side of you, the both you had a quite a bit of fun. He even learned a bunch of new internet slang. (Even thought he probably not going to use it.)
You guys were now really good friends. You two just got along very well. You two would play video games, watch anime, read manga together.
When you two played games with each other online. Sometimes he glad he can’t see your face. Cause you get jealous and angry when somebody beats you. In public if your jealous which makes you mad. You silent rant on the inside of your head. But online, it’s like a explosion of yells. Nagito tries his best to calm you down when you get like that, he’s learned not to say ‘it’s just a game.’ Cause that just makes it worse.
You kinda developed on a crush overtime. You realized you liked him when he gifted you a manga, that you couldn’t get cause you got in trouble with your parents.
You didn’t know how to tell him. There was no way you could do it in person.
You thought how something cute and something he might like. He really enjoyed the game Minecraft. So on Valentine’s Day you texted him to join you in a game. You spent about maybe a week making the little Valentine’s Day confession.
youtube
“I know it’s not the most romantic thing in the world. I was also to scared to tell you in person…I really like you Nagito.”
“Aww s/o…this is so thoughtful of you. I really love it! It so you! I would be delighted to be your valentine.”
“Really! Wow! I’m just so…!! How about we meet up at our favorite cafe?!”
“Yeah that’s sounds great!”
You two went on Valentine’s date. It was great. You guys went on more dates after that, and soon became each other’s significant other.
A few relationship headcanons
He is the only one allowed to touch any of your expensive manga’s or merchandise.
You get so easily jealous of other people when they flirt with Nagito.
You and Nagito have anime marathons. Like a movie night but anime.
He loves to see your excited face when new merch for you favorite animes or a new/sequel to one your games comes out.
You and Nagito get matching anime outfits
Nagito also helps with your insecurities by showering you with compliments while also degrading himself. For example while you were saying how uninteresting you were. You told he could probably do better. he responded with ‘don’t say that, it’s amazes me that someone as worthless as me. Is given the privilege of calling someone as amazing as you my significant other!’
You also give him compliments and shower him with affection. You also do anime classics like a kabedon.
When you did do a kabedon he almost passed out by how flustered he got.
I really hope I got the character right! So komeada-simp37 if I got it wrong or wasn’t really what you were looking! Sorry! Anyway hope you have a nice day!
#anime#drv2#danganronpa x y/n#danganronpa goodbye despair#s/o x danganronpa characters#nagito komeada x reader#nagito komeada#nagito x reader#sdr2 nagito#leviathan#obey me
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10 ☾ he said that’s how he still remembers me
warnings: explicit language (cursing), mentions of miscarriage, mentions of infidelity (not rlly but on thin ice)
notes: you guys... this is a long one and it’s kind of fast paced, but we are finally getting some answers and the drama really begins! next chapter will be emotional, that’s all I know. I’m sorry for putting you through all this angst!! also, I wanted to bring some attention to the crisis in the Philippines right now with all of the dangerous typhoons. A lot of people need donations and rescuing, so HERE is a link to a twitter thread of donation drives! Please make sure to check it out, share and help spread awareness!
as always, come talk to me in my ask box! and if you want to be added to the taglist, please send an ask, or reply to this post or the masterlist!
not edited!! sorry if there are any mistakes lmfao i usually am sleep deprived when i write so yeah, there are probably some errors.
word count: 5,614
☾
The days following Jungkook’s visit were dull, if anything. You’ve received texts from Yoongi saying that he couldn’t come visit until that weekend because he had to finish wrapping things up in advance at the company so that he could spend some time with you. You had argued over the phone like teenagers when you insisted that he didn’t need to do that and you could take care of yourself until Jin came back. Of course, that led to him ranting about what the doctor said about monitoring you and your symptoms for concussion and to get him to just shut up about the medical stuff (it made your brain hurt more than it did usually), you reluctantly agreed to his ‘visits’, as you’d rather call them.
[nov. 20, 2020]
It was Friday now and you still haven’t gotten any glimpse of actual memories back, although you have been having these strange dreams that you couldn’t really remember when you woke up. You could only describe the feeling it gave you as ‘sinking’, like you were drowning and you couldn’t escape. As much as possible, you tried not to think about these feelings, and focused more on trying to get to know the version of you who lived in this amazing apartment.
The past couple of days that you spent at this apartment put you in awe. It really was the apartment of your dreams, from the color of the furniture down to the little plants stuck in the corner of that tiny shelf in the kitchen. It was beautiful and so you. The only problem was that you couldn’t find anything to help with your current situation. You scoured every nook and cranny and couldn’t find anything dated after your wedding reception. No pictures, no post-its, notes or anything past that date. What you had found in your apartment, you already knew of (aside from the wedding photos). Past photoshoots, high school photos, a notebook full of movie ticket stubs. There was absolutely nothing in this apartment that gave you a clue to the life you lived during the four year gap in your memory.
You even tried to get into your twitter and instagram from when you were nineteen but you couldn’t log in. Wrong password every single time. When you tried to change your password for social media, the email you used had a different password too. You couldn’t figure out what you could have changed your password to. Every password combination you could think of, you tried, but none worked, so you decided to just skip that and maybe go over it later on. Or make a new one. That could work, too.
You couldn’t even look at your twitter account because for some reason, it was private and that seemed strange for someone with almost 130,000 followers. You could see your instagram account from your browser, but it wouldn’t let you see the pictures and posts in full size with the captions and comments, so you were really stuck.
A quick internet search of your name yielded things you already knew. Former model, current writer (that fact was still surprising to you). Old news articles of dating scandals that weren’t true, except for the one with Yoongi. More news articles about your divorce with no further information than what Yoongi had told you already.
It’s as if any clue about your life during your memory loss is unaccounted for. It seemed like at this point, you could only rely on other people telling you about your life and pray to whatever higher power there was to give you your memories back.
This futile search was beginning to make your stomach churn. You almost couldn’t suppress the bile rising up in your throat. Hopefully Jin would return soon. Maybe he could put all of the pieces back together for you.
☾
Jungkook sat in on the uncomfortable leather couch in Yoongi’s office as he waited for the man to finish up whatever he was typing. He looked through his instagram feed and saw one of your posts from July. For a while, he was confused as to why this picture from July would end up on his feed, but he remembered the new instagram algorithm. Curious, he clicked on your profile and looked through it slowly. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to your posts.
“I forgot to ask but what did you and Yn do at her apartment? She said you stayed over for a couple of hours.” Yoongi asked though his eyes never strayed from his paperwork.
Jungkook looked up at him and pondered on what to say.
“Hm, yeah. I got roped into staying. She asked a bunch of questions and we looked through her apartment and her photo albums. Her apartment’s cute, by the way. Way different from what your house looked like.” He comments.
“Really?”
“Yeah. It was bright. Lots of green. Nothing I’ve ever seen in the house you guys shared.”
“How was she when you picked her up? She told me a couple of things but I haven’t seen her yet so I can’t know if what she’s telling is the truth or not.”
It was quiet for a moment, with only the sound of turning pages filling the room, as Jungkook wondered what to say to this. He didn’t really know when to start with you, especially with how different you were acting.
“Well, she’s fine. The personality is definitely different. She seems a lot more outgoing, and she had a lot of questions but she didn’t push. I think she wants to try and figure things out on her own.” Jungkook replies as he continued to slowly look through your previous instagram posts.
“She’s been like that. She hates being a burden and gets really defensive about it sometimes.” Yoongi comments.
Jungkook pauses at your most recent post. He checks the date. September 22.
“When did you guys divorce again?” He asked.
At this, Yoongi looked up.
“The divorce was finalized on September 29, I think.” He answered, but looked questioningly at Jungkook as if to ask why.
“Did you know she was going to therapy?” Jungkook asked again.
Hearing this, Yoongi stood up abruptly and hurried over to where Jungkook was sitting.
“What? Where did you see that?” Yoongi asked as he looked over Jungkook’s shoulder.
Jungkook showed him the post. Yoongi took the phone from him and examined the post carefully.
It was a picture of clouds with text on it. Is this the life we really want? The caption read “as per the advice of my therapist, i’m just here to pop in and say that I’ll be going on a hiatus for a little bit”.
“What the fuck? I didn’t know this!” Yoongi yelled, evidently angry.
Jungkook looked at him confused. They were together for four years, how could he not know that you were at least going to therapy?
The same question was running through Yoongi’s head. He took a seat next to Jungkook to process this new information.
“Hyung, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Jungkook requested.
Yoongi could only nod.
“What was Yn like when you were together? Why did you marry her?” Those were the first questions that came out of Jungkook’s mouth.
He was truly, genuinely curious. Though he’s heard some things that Yoongi had said about you, he never knew the full story.
“We married each other because we loved each other. Wasn’t that obvious?” Yoongi retorted.
Jungkook pursed his lips at this. “Well that's what you tell everybody and yeah we get it, but considering the fact that I’ve barely seen you two together more than two handful of times in the past two years, I had to ask.”
“That’s because we were both busy, but that didn’t mean we didn’t spend time together. Of course you never saw it because you weren’t there and I’m not one to actively talk about my love life. Yn and I both liked our privacy.”
“Okay, then what was she like when you were together?”
Yoongi was quiet for a while. There were a lot of things he could say about you when you were together. He just didn’t know how to articulate it to Jungkook.
“When we were together… she was charismatic, beautiful and intelligent. Something about the way she communicated made you feel like you could forget about all of your worries and live life to its extent with her. She constantly dragged me out to picnics and made me forget about the business and my career. She made me feel young again. And she had so much love and care for people around her. For a long time, I felt like I would never be deserving of her. She was kind of like a sunflower. Or sunshine, you know what I mean?” Yoongi poured out.
Jungkook nodded. He realized that this was the time to try to figure out what happened to you in your marriage. From his conversation with you at your apartment, to the description of you that Yoongi had just given, he surmised that the version of you that he knew was someone different and he could only wonder if Yoongi saw it too.
“Did you ever feel like she changed? In the time you guys were together?” He probed.
Yoongi thought about it for a while.
“Yeah, I think so. I always found it strange that she decided to quit modelling. When I met her, she said it was all she ever wanted. I never asked because it seemed like a sensitive topic to her, but I supported her regardless. Writing seemed so out of nowhere for her. I don’t know where it came from. Then she stopped wanting to go to business dinners and events with me and after that we just drifted. And in between that, you introduced me to Yura.”
When Yoongi mentioned Yura, Jungkook winced. He had thought about it some nights ago, but he realized that he might have had a hand in your divorce by introducing Yura to Yoongi. Though he knows Yoongi would have never physically cheated on you, he could see how Yoongi and Yura gravitated towards each other. Jungkook had to admit that Yura was a sweet girl. She was beautiful, and when she smiled it was like sunshine.
Yoongi interrupted his train of thought. “Yura is kind of a complicated subject to our marriage. I would never, ever cheat on someone I loved. And I loved Yn, so much. When you introduced Yura to me, I was happy to meet a new friend and that’s all I saw, but the more you made me hang out with you guys, the more I started to see something in her that I stopped seeing in Yn. I never meant to have any sort of romantic feelings for Yura, but it happened and I feel so fucking shitty for doing that to Yn when I’m the one who promised her a lifetime together.”
Jungkook straightened his posture as Yoongi’s confession.
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” He asked.
“By what?” Yoongi looked at him confused.
“What happened to Yn that pushed you to Yura?”
At this, Yoongi scratched his head.
“I wouldn’t say that it pushed me to Yura, but remember when I said Yn and I started getting distant? As time went on, I felt like she changed and I didn’t know who she was. She used to be so bubbly and happy and always wanting to go look at flowers, but towards the end of our marriage, she stayed holed up in our room no matter how much I asked her to spend time with me. Yura, she was happy to spend time with me. She made me feel like I could forget about everything just by talking to me.”
“Yura made you feel like how Yn used to make you feel?” Jungkook cut him off.
“Well… I guess so.”
Jungkook thought about this for a while but narrowed his eyes at his hyung.
“Hyung, answer this truthfully; do you love Yura?”
The tips of Yoongi’s ears turned red after hearing this.
“Love? I don’t know. I like her? I like the way she makes me feel. She’s beautiful and smart and she makes me happy.”
“Hyung, I don’t know if you realize this, but the way you described Yura is exactly the same way you described Yn.”
“What do you mean?”
“It sounds like you started liking Yura because she reminded you of Yn when you met her. So, do you really, truly like Yura? Or do you just like her because she reminds you of what you don’t have anymore?”
Yoongi lowered his head.
“I-I don’t know. I never thought of it like that.”
Jungkook put his hand on Yoongi’s back to comfort him. Obviously, the man was confused.
“I don’t know if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that whenever I saw Yn, during those dinners or events, she never gave off the vibe that you described her to be. To me, she was quiet, reserved and never bothered trying to get to know us, your friends, or your business. That’s what she came off as. When you told us that you loved each other and that you eloped, I thought you were joking. When I saw her, she just seemed like the typical trophy wife. Just for show. I never liked her and wondered what you saw in her all the fucking time, but now after hearing this, and after being with her for a couple of hours, it’s obvious that something happened that fucked her up and then fucked your marriage up.” Jungkook ranted.
“I think you might need to reevaluate the relationship you had with Yn so we could help her recover from this whole amnesia thing and hopefully figure out what happened. Something definitely happened, but since I don’t know your marriage like you do, I don't know what it is. I feel guilty now after realizing that I might have had a hand in whatever the fuck she was going through. And maybe figure out what you’re going to do about Yura. Can you keep dating her when your feelings for her are based off of your feelings for your ex-wife, who is currently pregnant with your wife and doesn’t know about it?” He continued.
Yoongi took a deep breath, taking all of this conversation in.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m almost done with the shit here at the company. When I go home, I’ll sort everything out and talk to Yn and Yura tomorrow. I don’t think I can keep seeing Yura with the current situation. I have to tell Yn about the pregnancy as soon as possible, but I’m scared because the doctor told me to monitor for residual symptoms for her concussion. I don’t even know where to begin with the situation.”
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m here for you. You have to tell her about the pregnancy before she finds out herself. In the meantime, I’ll help you out when you can’t take care of her. I already feel shitty enough for how I acted with her when you two were married. I feel like I had the wrong impression this whole time.” Jungkook offered.
Yoongi remembered the moment earlier when Jungkook confessed that he never liked you and that baffled him because he thought that you two, of all people, would get along well together. More often than not, he would feel jealous of Jungkook, who had your admiration when you first started dating. He remembered you always asking him to introduce you to Jungkook and it took a year for him to budge and actually make it happen.
“I’m sure you’ll get along now. I always thought you did get along. Did you know she liked you before?” Yoongi asked.
Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t know until the other day when you had me take her home. It probably would have helped if you told me she knew who I was before you introduced us after you got together. She never acted like she was a fan of my music and admittedly, I was a dick to her.”
Yoongi glared at him. It was a first for him to hear about how Jungkook treated his ex-wife.
“Well, you should feel shitty because she really liked you and your music. For a while, I thought she liked you more than me. If I had known you were an asshole to her, I probably would have ripped you a new one. Hearing you admit you treated her like shit makes me feel like shit because I never knew and just assumed you guys were good with each other. You didn’t do or say anything bad to her, right? You’re not that type of person.”
Jungkook could only pretend to smile at Yoongi as he asked this.
He shook his head and lied. “No, never.”
Lying through his teeth to his best friend about how he treated you made his heart fall to his stomach. Well, Yoongi didn’t have to know because it was in the past. You couldn’t remember any of the mean things he’d said to you, so now was the perfect time to make a new, much better impression of himself to you. He decided days ago that he would be better, because deep down, he knew that you didn’t deserve to be treated like how he treated you.
[nov. 21, 2020]
Yoongi had taken the day off after his somewhat enlightening conversation with Jungkook last night. He decided that he needed to go see you and spend some time with you today, but before that, he needed to settle things with Yura.
They decided to meet up at his apartment for maximum privacy, just in case anything happened. He wanted to account for the worst case scenario of Yura probably getting angry and throwing things around, but he doesn’t think she’s the type of person to do dramatic things like that.
Turns out, she’s not. When he reluctantly tells her that he can’t continue on with what they had because of residual feelings for you, in addition to the fact that there were complications in that relationship that he can’t speak about carelessly, she had reacted calmly and amicably. Though Yoongi hadn’t expected her to throw a tantrum, he was expecting some kind of anger, but all he got was a sad look passing on her face followed by comforting words.
He apologized profusely for having dragged her around when he still had apparent feelings for his ex-wife and not figuring out his feelings for her, or lack thereof, sooner. She reassured him that it was okay and she’ll be fine.
“I’ll be fine Yoongi. I liked you, but it’s pretty obvious that you used me as some kind of rebound or replacement for your ex-wife, and I was okay with it. Truthfully, I was waiting for you to just come clean and break it off with me. I hope you and Yn figure things out this time, and I hope you can talk to her. Communication is important.” She reminds him before she leaves, but not before letting him know that she would always be there for him as a friend.
He had texted her after she left, and after a couple of minutes to himself, that he was thankful for her being so nice about the situation and all in all, he didn’t regret whatever short-lived affection they had for each other.
Yoongi still couldn’t believe how smoothly everything with Yura went. He hoped that the rest of the day would be the same.
☾
You woke up to a message from Jungkook asking if you were free, so you had to tidy up the apartment and yourself because you didn’t want to look messy in front of someone you had idolized for a long time.
Luckily enough, you didn’t have to cook since Jungkook offered to bring food. You thank your lucky stars for that because for some reason, you’ve been feeling incredibly sluggish and nauseous. It was probably some symptoms of the concussion you suffered. You remembered your doctor saying something about that the last time you were at the hospital.
About 20 minutes later, you heard your doorbell ring so practically skip to the door, excited to see Jungkook and steal the food that he brought.
You opened the door to see Jungkook standing there with a big back of food in his hands. He was wearing all black, with a leather jacket that looked a tad too big on him.
“You look warm.” You comment.
He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna invite me in or not? I even brought you food.”
You laugh a little and move to the side to give him room to step inside the apartment.
“So, what have you been doing?” He asks as he makes his way to your dining room to put the food down.
You make your way to the kitchen to get some plates for the both of you.
“Nothing. I’ve been trying to look for some stuff but I don’t know where to start so I just gave up until you or Yoongi could come help.” You reply as you move to the dining room to set the plates down.
Jungkook takes the food out and puts some on the plates. Kimbap, like you asked, and some seaweed soup.
“How have you been feeling? Okay?” He questioned.
You nodded, though hesitantly.
“Eh, I’ve been feeling kind of tired. I think I might be sick because I keep wanting to vomit. Is that my wintermelon tea, by the way?” You pointed to the drink in his hand.
Jungkook poked the straw through the lid and handed it to you.
“Sick? Did you take any medicine? Are you feeling better now?”
You took a sip of your tea and sighed, missing the sweet taste of the drink. It felt nostalgic.
“Mhm, took some earlier and I'm feeling much better thanks to the food you brought!” You smiled.
Jungkook rolled his eyes jokingly once again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”
He didn’t think about your illness any further. It was probably a cold and nothing else.
For about 20 minutes, the two of you ate and spoke about little things, mostly about Jungkook and his career. It helped you get to know him a little bit better since he’s the only person besides Yoongi who could help you in your situation until Jin comes back.
After you finished eating, you told him that you needed his help going through your room in case there was anything that could jog your memory.
“I would ask Yoongi but he’s been busy lately.”
“So I’m just your last resort?”
“You’re literally the only other person in my contact list besides Yoongi and Jin.”
“Right, anyways, lead the way!” He exclaimed.
You laughed as you led him to the room at the end of the hallway.
“Sorry if it’s a little messy, I didn’t have that much time to clean up before you got here!” You explained.
Jungkook shook his head, telling you it didn’t really matter since it was gonna be a mess anyways while you two went through your things.
☾
When Jungkook walked into your room, he was once again hit with the feeling that he had no fucking clue who you were in the past years he’d known you. If he could describe your room in one word, it would be enchanting. White walls, white sheets adorn with a baby blue blanket, wooden floors, giant plants and a mirror much bigger than himself. Your desk was filled with different kinds of pens, different notebooks that look to have been trifled through, and an unnatural amount of books and crystals.
From the looks of the rest of your house, he probably shouldn’t be surprised at your bedroom, but it’s still a bit difficult for him to wrap his mind around the fact that you were this type of person. Bright, intelligent, and incredibly neat.
He walked up to your desk and picked up the different notebooks laid out messily on the table. When he opened each of them, he noticed that they were mostly blank, with the exception of a few doodles. There were some things he’d recognized as lyrics from songs he knew, but nothing truly relevant to the memories you lost.
You stood next to Jungkook and looked at the notebooks in his hands.
“I went through those already. Nothing but a few sad lyrics here and there. None of them triggered any memories.” You mentioned.
Jungkook put them down and started walking around the room with you as you talked about what you did find during the days that you were left alone. What he got from that conversation was that you had no luck with anything and that’s why you waited until either he or Yoongi could come over and help you. Jungkook knew that Yoongi was coming over later, so if he couldn’t help you find anything or answer any of your questions today, then maybe Yoongi could.
“Oh! I forgot to mention that I can’t even access any of my social media, so do you think I can look through my instagram through your phone? I mean, if that’s okay with you. I know some people feel uncomfortable giving their phone to someone else to play around with.” You asked.
Jungkook shook his head and stuck his hand in his pant pocket, reaching for his phone.
“It’s fine, you can look at your profile, I think I follow you. The password is 061313.” He stated as he handed his phone over to you.
You grabbed it excitedly, finally getting the chance to see what your life was like during the four years that were missing from your memory. You fell back onto your bed as you unlocked Jungkook’s phone and clicked on his instagram app quickly.
You took a look at his profile first, staring in awe at the pictures he’s posted. Most of his pictures are very dark and he had quite a few selfies. You smiled a little bit as you admitted in your head that he was indeed handsome.
Okay, Yn, onto the more important things! You thought to yourself as you quickly searched your username ‘faeyn’ on the search bar. At first you were excited, but it deflated when you saw just how many posts you had. 13 posts. And almost all of them were just landscapes. Some had pictures of you by yourself, or with Jin, but that was it. How the fuck were you supposed to try to figure out your life through 13 pictures?
Scrolling through each picture and their captions from the oldest to newest, you quickly realized that you must have decided that privacy was something that should be valued. There was nothing of substance to your situation in the captions you’d written. Just casual mentions of how your day was, or what you did that day. The only thing that caught your eye was the latest post you had, dated September 22. It was a picture of clouds and the caption said something about your therapist advising you to take a break, so you were going to be on a social media cleanse for a while.
Well, at least you learned one thing. Apparently, you started going to therapy again. For what? You don’t know. You only remembered going to therapy a couple of times after the whole incident with your bastard ex-boyfriend.
You filed this little detail into your brain and hoped that maybe it would make more sense later on. Swiping up on Jungkook’s phone took you to his home screen, but you paused for a little. Maybe you could snoop through some more apps and see if there was anything else you can find.
No, that would be an invasion of Jungkook’s privacy, you thought. Another part of you argued that he wasn’t going to know and he’s here to help you. If there was anything worth hiding, he wouldn’t have given you his phone and his password so easily. And if there was anything, it wouldn’t be incriminating since he mentioned that you two didn’t really know each other that well, so you shrugged and clicked on his messages.
I’ll just see if there are any messages to me. I won’t look at anything else, you justified, as if it made it any better.
After scrolling for a little while, you finally saw something worthwhile. A text convo between you and Jungkook and from the preview of the message, it looks like it was from the middle of September. You opened it, excited to see the contents, but what you saw made you furrow your brows.
What is this?
☾
After Jungkook gave you his phone, he continued walking around your room until he got to the side of your bed that was next to the window. He looked around for a bit and saw something in the corner of his eyes. Crouching down lower, he saw something on the floor behind your headboard. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but as soon as he moved closer, he realized it was a thick notebook. Jungkook surmises that you probably hadn’t seen it despite telling him that you looked ‘everywhere’. He took the notebook and sat down on the floor, completely hiding his figure, but not before he could look at you. He wanted to see what was in the notebook before he showed it to you, and luckily enough, you had been facing away from him.
So he sat down and opened the notebook. From just the first page, he could tell it was some kind of diary or journal. There were lots of drawings and stickers and a picture of you in a field of flowers right in the middle of the first page. He flipped through the whole notebook really quickly and found that half of it was already filled.
A part of him wanted to read through the whole thing and see what kind of things you wrote, but another part told him that it wasn’t appropriate. Despite that, he convinced himself that he should read maybe just one entry, just to see if this notebook was something substantial to your current situation.
Jungkook took a peek at you again and noticed you still had your back turned to him so he took that as a sign that he could probably get away with reading an entry. He flipped to a page randomly and focused his eyes on the writing.
The entry was dated August 4, 2020. Fairly recent. He noticed that there were some dark blotches on the paper that made the ink bleed.
He began to read the entry, not knowing what he was going to find out.
It still seems weird to be writing about my problems in a journal. I’m still not used to it, but it’s been helpful since I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
That made him frown.
I went to my OBGYN today because I’ve been having severe cramps and bleeding, but I already had my period so I was worried. And the cramps were starting to really hurt, so I had to go get it checked out just in case. Well, apparently I was pregnant and lost the baby.
Jungkook’s eyes widened and he gasped audibly. Luckily enough, it wasn’t loud enough for you to notice. He clasped his hand over his mouth at the disbelief in reading this information. A miscarriage? And so recent, too. He didn’t know how to feel. Yoongi had never said anything about this.
Jin actually just left my house a couple of hours ago. I don’t think the news hit me until now. I texted Yoongi earlier to tell him but he was busy so I think that was a sign that I should probably not tell him. It’s not like it matters right? Since the baby was gone anyways.
I know my therapist told me to stop with the negative self-talk, but it’s moments like this that really push me to just keep thinking I’ll never be good enough for the men that I love. Thanks to my bastard ex for fucking my mind up like this. No matter how hard I try, I always just circle back to the fact that I wasn’t good enough for him, and that I’m not good enough for Yoongi. Even fate is telling me that I’m not good enough to carry a child with the man I love. How fucked up is that?
Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. There were so many things going through his head right now. He felt like he was violating something that was so private. Yoongi didn’t even know that you went through this. You didn’t even know you went through this. He shut the journal quickly, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes.
At that exact moment, he heard your heavy breathing and quickly got up to check on you. He walked around to your side of the bed and found you trembling with his phone in your hands. He noticed that his messages were open and he began to panic.
“What the fuck is this?” was the last thing he heard you say before your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you fell limp into your bed.
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S4e10 is the first time i want to actually rewatch an entire episode of handmaids tale.... ok wait second time - was it the new “ofglen” who blew up that important building with all the commanders inside and the handmaids outside - that ending was great
But omg
First off elizabeths moss’s acting!!! Ive gotten too used to that same dreadful look shes been making for the past couple seasons that... the wide range of facial expressions really surprised me and it just!! Wow
the suspence the whole episode. Nothing EVER goes right in this show. I knew what i wanted to see but i fully expected fred and serena to go free and happy. That back and forth feeling was super engaging
I loved that even though there was that tension between june and moira before, moira jumped right back to trying to fight and doing all the screaming and ranting for june - someones gotta do it and june was too mentally exausted
K like im still confused why everyone can go in and out of the waterford prison so easily and was like.... dooooo they want june to kill him?!?!? Why are you leaving her alone???
And i was so excited like yesssss shes gonna kill himmm - well first i thought she was gonna go to serena and kill her baby
But when she was walking around that room... like a cat pretending not to notice the mouse in the room - we just know june too well to think she wasnt at least planningggg something
Also fred is fucking DISGUSTINGGGGG as usual. Lying during his ... conference like WHY are you just gonna beleive this psycho at face value?!
Oh and serena thinking shes got all the power back.
Omg the two of them. I cant
And fred really being such a fucking disgusting person to think ANY part of june enjoyed his torture. She is so strong dude - i could never sit there not knowing if my plan will work and playing nice. I thought she was gonna break that glass and stab him
And like. Ok. Lukes not the worst but also - his whole - just get over it!!! Attitude.... even if she cant get him on the wall why are you reprimanding her and trying to pretend she can just get over that trauma with some food. Absolutr lack of empathy.
But june saying hes gonna be on the wall... i was so giddy!!
And i rewatched that smile she made when larence told her she hanst lost her touch- well she could barely contain her smile throughout that entire negotiation. And i loved watching larence put on a show like ‘ah we rlly miss waterford! My brother!!’
Gah and just. Also... i kinda thought june was gonna kill mark when she was outside his building. Men in this show. She went through 7 years of hell and you told her youd help and fucked her over and then throw an entire dramatic tempertantrum when she calmly sits on a bench near your house.... lol wow..i mean uncomfortable but have some prespective
And i wanna say the like demand straight to - oh im sorry. Didnt mean to he a cunt - i meant please? Act june did, its not overacting but knowing june it is so it was funny af
The suspence watching fred get ready to go.., i was literally chanting for the plane to be to gilead but it was so much better! Watchint him get arrested all shocked. “Im a man! I have rights” all the fucking ew... open the door back up and slap him
I just thought he was gonna get sent back and wed watch the commanders all hang him. But it to be lawrence - again with his ‘oh? Is there anything i can do to stop this? No? Ok bye fred!’
And i mean i knew we were in for a treat with nick taking him but i was NOT EXPECTING JUNE to just POP OUT of the trees!!! Fucking perfect. A literal horror movie just for fred
Also why did he keep calling nick son.... like... no one likes you???? Do you really think you can regain power just saying words like this???
And this is e first time i fucking LOVED seeing june in a red coattt and her faceeee like last episode when she turned from calm to screaming - it wad so good and so intense and such good acting and that heartbeat music got me
But hereeeee i cant even desribe the combination or rage and calmness pouring out. Not to be a weeb but thats the first time i think ive ever seen a live action representation of how i imagine anime cool characters to act
That power play of nick and june making out in front of fred loool - i dont care about the ships but that was perfect
“This is sick” - whats sick is how you never run out of things to do and say that make me feel sick...
I loved how june told him to choose - i feel like jt was a call back to his lawyer saying that she CHOSE to be a handmaid. Like theres not good option here
Does anyone think she actually would have shot him dead IF he did choose the gun - part of me wants an alterantive ending where he chose that just so i could watch june either tell him ‘no thats too easy’ or like shoot him in the foot so he cant even run right before being like
Oops i missed and chasing him down anyway
I hate horror movies but watching them all chase him down UGHHH IVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH GLEEE - k not never but ya know
OMG ALMOST FORGOT that sceneee with june and emily talking at the table about how june wants him to be scared to death. And fucking luke - with his judgements turning and looking. I feelll like.... emily helped june decide to do this. Because after getting to the end of the episode it seemed more like they were planning in plain sight in thay scene
I havent rewarched the show. So maybe im remembering incorrectly but it does feel like this fits because - wasnt emily kind of what inspired june to actively start rebelling when she drove the car around and ran one of the guards over
Anddddd the songggg from the 1st? Or 2nd??? Season. The ending right? I just remember that the last time we heard that song was when june first started a quiet resistance against gilead and all the handmaids were together in it. So it brought back those feelings of like ‘FINALLY its happening!!’ And it fit soooo perfectlyyy
When the girls first ran up to fred i thought they were gonna surround him and reinact that “shame” thing they used to be forced to do. I mean i guess they did without actually saying it cause they definitely killed him the way gilead forced the handmaids to kill people in the first season
And it was wonderful to watch! Thank you handmaids tale for making me feel like a psychotic sadist for enjoying that ENTIRE scene. I was giggling like i was watching a disney movie
Gonna ignore that part where june picks up the baby covered in blood - ew
I wanted to seeeeee serena get the finger - more so - i wanted to watch tha family come in and get her and be like - hey guess what your coming back to gilead!!! And see it end with serena as a fucking handmaid - GIVING BIRTH TO THE BABY BETWEEN (i forget the one who visited hers name) LEGS!
But fuck seeing fred on a wall with the “dont let the bastards grind you down” from the the very beginningggg - it felt sooo goodddd
And i just needed to squeal over this episode some more! I watched it hours ago. But i kinda wanna rewatch it rnn
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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER
omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):
the reason(s) i was gone for so long
what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)
the status of those um . halloween requests
the future of this account
i. so . Hiatus .
i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.
a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)
tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr
ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall
when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)
at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼
media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa
tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now
iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right
i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:
there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...
i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.
regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).
tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.
iv. so what now?
well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list
and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)
as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.
ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......
and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.
tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)
the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:
im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.
there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.
regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝
love, ari 💌
#did i have an announcement tag#announcement#also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted#my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well#some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is#its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd#im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence#consider this my comeback stage
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hi so I actually made this post months ago when I was fist reading Tokyo revengers (thank you Mandy), but I just finished this post today :3 most of this post isn’t rlly insightful--I'm either just screaming or rehashing takes that most people here have already made
warnings ofc for major manga spoilers although I also haven’t caught up on the last five-ten chapters:
look ik current!mikey could easily kill me, but he’s so cute:
rlly makes you wonder what happened when you look back after reading more recent chapters ahaha :’D but anyways, give him his flag!!!
(again I wrote this in June--I contradict myself later in this word dump LOL)
this moment was just so funny to me I'm sorry LMAO (’love & peace’)
hngjksnfgs I love this panel so much :((( sometimes with all of the action going on and how they act or are drawn, I forget that they’re just middle schoolers trying to navigate through life. and here’s mikey who has the weight of the entire gang--literal lives--on his shoulders, and is constantly depended on by the members as this ray of shining light. people literally are filled with relief when they see him during fights bc THE mikey is here to take over and he HAS to win the match, right? which is kind of interesting now that I think about it, because there’s also takemichi, who’s mentally 27 and still struggling to carry the weight of his loved ones’ lives on his shoulders. if a 27-year-old can’t be responsible for the lives of others--if I, a 19-year-old, can’t cope with the weight of my own--then how could we expect mikey to be strong with everything that happened around him added onto the weight of the gang? looking back now, I think what happened to mikey in the future makes sense, as odd/cheesy/out-of-the-blue as it originally seemed in my head.
nothing new but I fucking hate kisaki overall and I'm so glad he never got a redemption arc because there was nothing about him that could be saved
(this was an extremely harsh take but again I'm never forgetting what he did to everyone just bc he was pining over a girl from elementary school)
this panel ALSO messed me up, esp after reading some more recent chapters :( I think takemichi said once that he liked talking to mikey the most because he always feels at peace with him and described his eyes to be this calm sea (which almost reminds me of giyuu and his 11th form: dead calm) (I also might be remembering wrong bc I can’t find the chapter I saw it on). but it feels so double-sided if that makes sense? like with that peace comes a never-ending emptiness because he’s constantly consumed by whatever darkness he has in him (sorry for another kny comparison but it feels similar to muichirou before his whole arc), and so he looks so detached and empty. it’s actually kind of jarring at times when the panel zooms into his eyes because you really feel like you’re going to drown in them, but the way it’s cross-hatched is unsettling--like it’s more chaotic and fuzzy inside his mind. + if you compare the dullness in his eyes with the clarity of the other characters, especially takemichi, it’s as if he knows that there’s no future for him, or at least no future with the others. I ended up crying when he was grabbing onto takemichi and asking to be saved, because that’s the first time that we see any sort of light/reflection in his eyes (of hope, honestly), as well as the first time that he reaches out to have someone shoulder his own burdens + truly be vulnerable + depend on someone else rather than letting others depend on him.
(this rant is the result of me hate-reading the comments after every chapter on *******):
sometimes idk what some ppl want from takemichi LOL. actually, no, I do know exactly what they want: a strong mc who they can experience the story through and who solves the problem with the physical manifestation of their strength (the typical shounen protag). but that’s not the point of tokyo revengers imo, and if you’re expecting that, I think you’re missing the whole story ????? like the power comes from the fact that he’s an average person who continues to fight despite the knowledge that he has, the weaknesses that he’s constantly forced to reckon with, and the general helplessness + hopelessness that he feels. he just wants to protect the ppl who he cares for, and that desire trumps physical power or charisma. THAT’S what makes him strong and that’s ultimately what changes the course of things in the story (because we already have powers like mikey who still fall into darkness despite his physical strength). obviously it wouldn’t hurt to make takemichi more assertive in different ways and not see him get absolutely pummeled LOL, but that’s also how wakui chose to enforce his themes
also I'd like to make some more literal points:
1. the manga itself is really long, but when you think about the time frame, there’s not actually much time for takemichi to achieve everything he wants and grow stronger, esp with all of the plot twists that are thrown at him.
2. his main goal was never to physically grow stronger, but just to prevent hina’s death (and later Mikey’s). it was always to talk someone out of doing something or preventing a major event from occurring, which doesn’t ACTUALLY need power to be achieved
(ofc he rarely, if ever, achieves to make it happen, but the effort counts n is there)
3. the dude is constantly carrying the weight of his friends’ deaths on his shoulders SDHFSLD LEAVE HIM ALONE ;; i’d just shut down if I were in his shoes and try to forget that toman was ever a thing
4. mentally speaking, the guy’s 27 LMAO the last time he really fought was back in middle school, which means he has absolutely little to none of those skills left
once again, I have nothing insightful to offer; I simply like the way this panel was drawn
spouting nonsense out of my butt with this one: ngl it took me a while to get used to this art style? like I thought it was UGLY LMAOOO. but when I did, I really came to appreciate how the mangaka colors things in and uses lines to create movement on each page. for instance, here, you can FEEL the energy of toman not just from the speech and the action, but with the lines that wakui chooses to leave uncolored on the members’ uniforms and hair + how the trees are shaded (which is vertical and for me personally it adds a lot more pressure/force, like they’re bursting with energy). everyone and everything feels so alive !!! but at the same time, their art is so clean... SO FREAKING CLEAN. I just love it o<--<
stop it....... STOP IT......... if I don’t get my 100% happy ending I will bawl. (yes I'm aware that this will probably/definitely not happy and yes I have tissues ready for the final arc)
also timeskip!kazutora, inupi, and chifuyu all in one place........ goodbye!
on a side note: I think I'm just gonna be a manga only at this rate bc I tried watching the first episode and got impatient waiting for all of the big action skjdfskjdh but maybe it was bc I wasn’t in the best mood / head-space at the time LOL
(I've let this sit in my head a bit longer and yeah, manga only <3)
I needed to end this photo dump with this exact panel because I had to put my phone down and mentally take a walk after seeing inupi in heels.
honorable mention goes to ponytail!baji and toman founder!baji bc they’re both engrained in my mind forever. likewise with high school!chifuyu ;; he looks like he jumped out of a shoujo manga or some kind of slice-of-life
#moon babbles#moon reads tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers spoilers#if you actually managed to read that all then I'll love you till the end of time (to kingdom come as red velvet beautifully sings)#I swear I'll catch up soon ;; I'm just burnt out after cramming ti all in and distracted with the other series that I wanna start/catch up o#rlly freaking pysched tho esp after seeing the reactions in the Tokyo rev discord LOL#I probably should let this sit for a bit longer before posting#but I don't want this sitting in my drafts for any longer and my head is swimming from this messy format
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