#sorry for the many gender rambles these past weeks

[cube-cumb3r]

while im at it neopronoun opposition is weird to me as a swedish person.. the whole debate is so anglocentric that they assume every language landed on the same solution they did, to reuse a plural pronoun as a gender neutral one and then they think any other solution is absurd or unheard of. what do you mean you just made another pronoun up you cant do that!! etc

coz its like here in the 2014 the swedish academy accepted 3rd person pronoun "hen" (as opposed to hon/han) like officially into our word list after it gained some popularity in the 2010s. like that is a NEOPRONOUN that someone just Came Up With in like the 60s and then people just started using it and now its just a recognized part of our language. sure we could've also reused our plural pronoun "de/dem" as a gender neutral one but we just made up a new one instead. and to like imply that mainstream use of a neopronoun is just UNHEARD OF and that neopronouns is something the mainstream could NEVER GET USED TO EVER!!! is... your perspective is very limited to the english speaking world is all i can say

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

OMG I’m in love with your blog and I’m always checking to see if you posted something. I absolutely loved your scenario “Routine in Gold”. It was *chef’s kiss*. Can I request a part 3? Maybe with comfort in it? :)

well well WELL my angst did its job now did it? i can understand wanting a happier ending, so let's make it happen!!! >:)

~ * ~ Cracks and Gold

Foul Legacy Childe x Reader Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Allusions to injuries, crying, initial dislike of Childe and the Fatui

You hate the Harbinger, right? So why does your heart betray you, day after day?

Part Three- Read Part One here and Part Two here

~ * ~

It’s the Traveler who approaches you, days later, weaving through the crowds to lunge forward and snatch your wrist on one cloudy gray afternoon. They’ve seen better days; their golden hair is frazzled and messy and their amber eyes are tired, bags heavy and bruise-colored. They pull you by the arm, forcefully tugging you down an alley and behind a building with considerable strength. It’s what they’re known for- strength and fortitude. But now they don’t look strong, twisting the ends of their hair and looking left and right almost fearfully, before taking a deep breath and looking you dead in the eyes. “Listen- I know you don’t exactly like- well, no, you hate him, but… Childe’s not doing well.” They trail off into ramblings about how he’s been in pain and distressed ever since the day you ran from the Golden House, sobbing and crying out your name, hiding in corners out of fear of everything around him. Childe. The Harbinger. Sobbing and in pain. You toss your head and roll your eyes in utter disbelief. “And why, exactly, should I care?” is your retort, as you steadily ignore the odd ache in your heart. The Traveler blinks, then shrugs sheepishly. “You shouldn’t, I guess. I know you feel pretty betrayed about it,” they flinch at your flat, unmoved gaze, “But I also know that you can help, and that you… like helping.” “That’s… true enough.” “So, can you come over, just this once? For Zhongli, if anything? Childe’s staying with him.” They flash you their most winning smile, trying to look past your exasperated expression and the downward twist of your mouth. Finally, you sigh and hoist your groceries over your shoulder. “Fine. Just once.” The walk to Zhongli’s home is quick and filled with too much chatter, the Traveler darting past people and pulling urgently on your hand, restless and impatient. You hadn’t even time to drop off your shopping at your own home, with the Traveler insisting that they’ll take care of everything. You suppose if they can deal with and defeat an ancient ocean god, they can handle taking your groceries to your house. You just wish your own task was as easy as theirs. They keep talking on and on about the past week or so- has it already been a week since you learned the truth?- how they just barely got Childe to Zhongli’s house before the Millelith reported to the scene; how the old god’s mouth fell open when they showed up at his door; how the Qixing have been trying to force the Fatui out of the Harbor, the lack of a present Harbinger weakening their ranks. Good. Let them leave. You hope they leave for good. Finally you’re yanked up onto a step, the door undecorated but heavily burnished. Zhongli’s home. You’ve been here many times for a cup of tea or a chat; you like to think that the Funeral Parlor Attendant thinks of you as a friend, although straight answers are hard to come by from someone like Zhongli. The Traveler pushes you towards the door, and you lift your hand and knock thrice. It swings open almost immediately, revealing Zhongli standing behind it. As usual, he’s impeccably dressed, but there’s an unfamiliar worry line between his brows. It diminishes slightly when he sees you and smiles, disappearing further when the Traveler shoos you inside and closes the door behind them as they run off to deliver your groceries. “I’m sorry,” You blink in surprise and look up at Zhongli, who has a worried look in his eyes, “I know this is difficult for you, but I thank you for offering your assistance anyways.” He guides you through his elegant abode, strides long and purposeful, and you simply shrug in response and look away, your own face stormy and distracted. Zhongli glances at you and chuckles quietly. Such curious beings, mortals are. You both stop in front of a room, tucked away in the furthest corners of the house. The door is plain and unassuming, much like the front door, but you notice with horror that the hardwood floor is littered with gashes and scratch marks. Zhongli hesitates, then puts a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“He’s not dangerous,” You have to bite your tongue to keep from scoffing, “But he’s… I’m not entirely sure how he’ll respond to you. I believe he wants you here, but…” He inhales, “Just try your best, alright?” You gulp. Sure, you’ll try your best if you can get over the sickening fear that still fills your head whenever you think of the Fatui. You feel Zhongli’s hand linger, flat on your back, then slide away as he turns and wanders down the hall, leaving you to your own devices and whatever lay beyond that door. Clenching your fist to keep it from shaking, you square your shoulders and turn the knob, easing open the door and slipping inside. There’s a quiet growl the moment you shut the door, and a shiver runs down your back as you slowly turn around. The room is dim, but not dark, and you can see an enormous figure in the corner, curled and hunched awkwardly so it can both see and be as far away from you as possible. You recognize the shape. The height. The horns. The glittery, star-dotted wings. The eye, staring at you, gleaming in the dim light. You just didn’t expect to see him like this today. Some of your fear falls away. Then it returns when you remember just who is under the creature you used to adore so dearly, and you back up until you hit the door and stumble. Neither of you move for a good five minutes, the air stagnant and heavy, almost hanging over your heads. It’s you who breaks the silence, clicking your tongue. “I didn’t think you were going to be… like this.” You remark, but to be honest, you should’ve seen it coming. The Traveler’s secrecy, Zhongli’s concern, the claw marks on the floor- you should’ve been able to connect the dots, and you curse yourself for being so blind. The creature- Childe- hunches over, the growl in his throat long gone. Instead, he lets out a soft whine, shying away from your pointed gaze. It’s a sound full of pain and sadness and a message, a message so prevalent that you’re certain it’s there, even if he can’t speak. “I’m sorry.” You don’t move, back still pressed up against the door, and Childe whimpers, hiding his face in his claws. There are wounds on his arms, relatively fresh and in the shape of talons, and he yelps when they stretch and sting. You stare, conflicting emotions swirling in your head as your nails dig into the wood of the door, so tense is your grip. And your silly, emotional, treacherous heart aches, just the same way it’s been doing for a week and beyond. The tension in your body fades, your posture relaxing and straightening as you listen to Childe’s muffled hiccups and sobs. A quiet sigh escapes you, one of weariness instead of exasperation, and you take a step closer towards him. A second and third step, and you’re halfway across the room. By your fifth, you’re standing directly next to Childe, close enough so you can reach out and gently touch his shoulder. He starts violently, then glances at you, eye wide and shining with tears. He turns away again, hugging himself tightly and attempting to silence his cries, before you fully settle your hand on his shoulder. You smile, crooked and ironic, when he shifts to look at you again. “You know, I thought I would be alright when I left. That I would just go back to my normal routine of work and sleep and not think about anything else. But for some reason, seeing you like this… hurts.” You laugh- it’s bitter yet sweet, and you laugh, “I don’t know why, but it makes me sad. I don’t want you to hurt like this.” Your smile grows a bit softer, along with your voice, “No matter how hard I try, I don’t think I dislike you as much.” Your voice catches on the end, and you absentmindedly wipe your eyes. “Why can’t I hate you anymore?” Childe stares, shocked at your words and tears and your biting, bittersweet smile. You’re not even trying to clear away your tears now, simply letting them roll down your cheeks and drip onto the floor. Your hand is hanging by your side, and slowly, cautiously, Childe reaches out to take it, carefully wrapping his claws around your delicate fingers. He feels you flinch in surprise, then relax when you realize it’s just him, turning so you can brush your hand beneath his eye and swipe away the tears. You stumble back when Childe suddenly pushes your arms out of the way and presses himself against your chest, talons hooked and clinging to your shirt. After a moment’s hesitation you slowly return his embrace, wrapping your arms around him and digging the tips of your fingers into his fluff while listening to a familiar purr fill the room, rusty but strong enough to almost lull you to sleep, if not for the knowledge that Zhongli would be waiting for you on the other side of the door. You pet Childe’s fluff, relishing the thick, soft fur as it passes through your fingers and runs across your hands. Childe rumbles louder, snuggling his head against your stomach and feeling his tears dry on his face. His heart beats again, stronger and more vibrant than ever, filling in and mending the broken cracks and crevices with rich, beautiful, glittering gold.

[bronanlynch]

this week's media roundup has even more incoherent rambling about gundam than last week. that's where my brain's at I guess

listening (podcast): once again still listening to the Wing episodes of Great Gundam Project but I listened to their ep on the finale today so I just need to listen to their Endless Waltz ep and then I will be finished with that and move on to uhhh probably their 0079 episodes sorry I am So gundampilled right now. anyway. this makes me feel so much better for being confused & frustrated by the politics at the end of Wing but also kind of excited to rewatch it with my roommate (who's never seen it) at some point in our Gundam marathon because I really do think that watching 0079 first at least helps you understand what they're calling back to. like the answer to 'why is Zechs like that' is 'because he's based on Char' and I, watching Wing for the first time before any other Gundam, did not know who Char was yet

listening (music): I am perpetually just a little bit late to listen to new music but at least I did listen to new music this week. my fave thing about Mitski's I'm Your Man is how jarringly nice & pleasant the guitar accompaniment is for the first half, contrasted with the kinda eerie echo-y quality of the vocals and also like, what the lyrics are saying

reading: same things still. Rule of Wolves remains kind of mid and does not do anything particularly anything with any of the ideas it raises. Water Outlaws continues to be extremely cool and Imo does an extremely good job of expressing what would be very cool action sequences in a wuxia drama in a different medium. but also sometimes I wish I could see the cool fights because I like good fight choreography

watching: my parents visited this past weekend and one of the things we watch together is Ted Lasso, so I've seen a few more episodes of season 3 and honestly I'm kind of underwhelmed I guess? I have extremely mixed feelings about the handling of both of the queer plotlines (Keely getting a girlfriend & Colin's whole arc) that I'm not sure I care enough to type out. I like that Trent is around more though, I do like to see him

we've been watching the current season of Bakeoff (me & my roommate, not me & my parents), but it's not far enough for me to have strong favorites so I don't have much to say here other than that I do like the new host, she's fun

and now the most important part of this post, we've been watching Zeta Gundam. man. we're 17 episodes in and I'm having so much fun. I love Kamille, I love it when the main characters are doing armed resistance against the military hegemony even though I wish I had a better understanding of the scale of any of these factions, I love Quattro's stupid obnoxiously shiny gold mobile suit, I love the concept of Cyber Newtypes because it emphasizes the stuff about exploitation and dehumanization that I wanted more of in the discussion of Newtypes. I have many complex thoughts about gender (wish it wasn't always the women who are the most outspoken about peace and/or want to settle down to raise their children, or that women got a few more options besides that and dying in battle immediately after kissing the nearest man, but also I think there's something interesting in how many of the Cyber Newtypes and honestly also Newtypes are women like so far it's mostly women and protagonists and also Char). I miss Sayla. I hate that 26 year old Mirai dresses & styles her hair like a generic 45 year old housewife, please let her keep her style & personality even though she's a mother now I am begging you. I love Quattro's extremely 80s outfit. my head is very full of thoughts about how the child soldiers from 0079 are now a little older but still stuck in the same patterns because they're stuck as the people they were forced to become during the war and now they're perpetuating that on the next generation of kids forced into the conflict. thinking about Quattro trying to mentor Kamille and turning him into a soldier, and how Char & Amuro are both so shaped by the violence they've done that neither of them can conceive of themselves as anything else, with Amuro resenting/fearing his role as a soldier but not seeing any options for what he can be instead and Char leaning into it, again because he doesn't think he has any other options. tasty narrative foil situation. they should kiss about it. also I'm obsessed with how much the Beltorchika-Amuro-Char situation feels like a love triangle. Tomino didn't have to make Amuro's love interest a blonde in a pink normal suit with a comet-related callsign but as someone who is constantly thinking about Eve Kosofsky Sedgewick's writings on triangulated desire I'm very glad he did. this section is a mess, I'm so sorry, shout out to Zeta Gundam, I love watching teenagers bully Char and I hope Kamille gets to punch more cops

playing: still working on Ace Attorney 5, still on 5-4. just met Aura Blackquill and I love her already <3 unethical science lesbian <3

making: continuing the autumn theme that I've had pretty much every week, we made an apple pie, except we ran out of flour while making it so we couldn't sprinkle the crust with enough flour to make the filling thicken so it had the soggiest bottom imaginable. still tasted good though

more importantly, we are in our gunpla era and made the Michaelis from Witch from Mercury, a suit that everyone else on the internet seems to hate but I adore. I like it when robots are purple and look like they're wearing high heels, and also Shaddiq was one of my favorite GWitch characters which I realize is also a uhhhhh fairly unpopular opinion but anyway here it is

also because I think it's funny, here's what it currently looks like on display, leaning against the wall because it doesn't stand super well on its own but we don't have a base for it yet, and it looks So short next to the Pharact & Darilbalde

drinking: Thirsty Robot Brewing's key lime cheesecake sour, a beer that tasted so good I had to restrain myself from saying "wow this fucks" in front of my parents. it had lactose in it so it was a really nice amount of smooth & creamy, and the key lime flavor was really strong

also had a cocktail that had the most tailored to me list of ingredients imaginable: lemon vodka, creme de violette, elderflower liqueur, butterfly pea flower simple syrup, lemon juice, & lavender bitters. it truly is a shame that I cannot be bothered to acquire most of those ingredients on my own because wow that was tasty. I love it when drinks are citrus-y & floral, is the thing

writing: once again thwarted by not being able to write while watching Gundam (not a complaint). I swear I'm going to finish a fic again at some point

[agirldying]

Hi, I saw your response to an ask a week or two back and in your response you included an excerpt from an exposé you were writing if I remember correctly? about how trauma impacted your gender. I thought that was interesting because I've had a very similar but almost opposite experience, so I thought I'd share. This isn't necessarily a vent since I'm at peace with myself and my journey thus far, just kinda wanted to tell you & your followers because it seems like an appropriate place to do so :) I started identifying as FtM (I don't really like to use that word for myself but I'm using it here for simplicity's sake) around when I was 12 or so, and came out publicly at 14, started HRT when I was 16. When I was 15, I started dating an 18 year old on-and-off. He was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive, and I kept going back to him because he was my first romantic relationship and I was desperate for someone to love me, as my home life was toxic and I was bullied at school/didn't have many friends. It was also not my first encounter with any of the above abuse, so I kinda thought it was normal. When I was 16, I started making more friends on tumblr and started feeling safer in social circles. I did some soul searching and eventually came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian. I told my boyfriend and broke up with him, and later started dating one of the girls I met on tumblr. A little after I turned 17, I was sent to a long-term youth mental health treatment center/rehab program for substance abuse and other issues. I was in treatment for 16 months, and I identified as a lesbian throughout all those. I was coerced off of T while I was there though I didn't really want to, as I like presenting masculinely (even pre-trauma, I was never into being feminine). My girlfriend from before I was sent away moved on, I did too. After I left rehab and went back home, I was almost 19 and I decided to go back on T. I got really close to one of my friends that I knew pre-rehab, who was a nonbinary transmasc. I was very strong in my identity until one night me and that friend spontaneously (and consensually) had sex. I stopped identifying as a lesbian and decided I was bi and gender-ambiguous. My relationship with that friend didn't last very long because neither of us were in a good place for it, but I look back on most of it fondly. It's been a year and a half since that person and I broke up, and I am turning 21 in a couple months. I now identify as FtM again and am very comfortable in my attraction to men. I'm even questioning if I'm attracted to women at all right now! Though that doesn't matter much to me at the moment. I'm a metalhead (I laughed when I read the bit about you blasting Slipknot because haha I do that when I'm driving somewhere trying to be tuff) and go to concerts quite often, and the last couple I've went to have been completely different because I'm now getting read more often as a man than not, despite being 5'1" and not binding (I'm unable to find a binder that works properly, being short and built like a barrel, and it's also just uncomfortable. wouldn't really wanna bind in a mosh pit anyways), and it is a very surreal experience to me because it's never happened before. It feels good though. Overall, it is very nice to allow myself to be myself after trauma and to see more of Me whenever I look at myself in the mirror. I'm happy that others are seeing more of Me too. And I also am at peace with my two years of being a lesbian, because even if my identity changed in direct response to sexual trauma, it was still a version of me, and it is important to me that I am able to validate and care for all versions of myself. I think my past identities were very necessary for my healing, and despite my continuous struggles with STPD, substance abuse, and other shit, I am healing every day and am feeling better about myself than ever. Sorry this got so long and almost ramble-y. Just wanted to share and say there's a light at the end of the tunnel folks. Hang in there <3

Hey anon,

Thank you for sharing your experience in how things have affected your gender identity and sexual orientation. I think we as complex human beings often change and evolve as years go by, and on top of things we experience that effect our self-perception, gender and sexual orientation can certainly change. Self-discovery is a chronic process. But I'm so glad to hear you've been healing and feeling better about yourself, that's amazing!

[canarymemories]

the long awaited nui izlo rambling is finally here!! leaving it all below the read more bc. i don't know how to shut up

(i'm copy pasting this w little to no edits from a twt thread so. sorry if the formatting is icky kasdgh)

this fic was brought to u by 1. my own darling nuis and my izumi nui does have a tear by his eye and 2. leo merch collector is such a fun concept to me

the concept of izumi being in italy while leo is away was something that lived in my head for a while ngl and there was a point where this was going to be a meowzart fic, like izumi moping around the apartment and meowzart being her cute little self. i think at one point i did have a sort of companion piece if you want to call it that, like leo would be the one at the apartment w izumi out of the country (also a meowzart fic) and the only part i actually wrote for that is what I lovingly call ace izlo

also. back to my izunui for a minute, I did try to do surgery on him but the eye embroidery is too thick to do w just a normal little sewing needle 😔😔 but he's my darling little guy and he's perfect the way he is, I just have to be careful with him 🥺

anyway! let's start w the title. this song I think is the reason I started writing mushy lines towards the end lmao, it's izlo coded to me, like pls consider (it's also in my bb playlist ✌ idk it's so izumi -> leo to me)

I make it my life's goal that izumi never knows one second of peace lmao (also somewhat unrelated, i do have this wip idea of their dormmates having to deal w them bc i think it's funny and. i miss that idea (is fully capable of still writing it))

i feel like this point comes up in . so many of my wips (I think it's honestly just me feeling like it does but. still) and I just,,, man post checkmate, the way you live in my head

izumi is so. easily swayed when it comes to leo (thank u rhythm tourism for confirming that for me <33) (I like to think that leo is somewhat aware of this fact) but yeah that comes up so much in this fic and I think it's so fun bc. sorry to say but izumi is such a loser

izumi cardboard cutout is such a funny one to me, leo would so have one. anyway, reloaded reference 🎉 also. the izumi calendar being a canon thing might be one of the best things happyele has done, unfortunate I'm p sure they'll be skipping it in engstars 😔

I feel like I'll end up forgetting to mention it, but like recital, the way izumi refers to leo nui changes over the course of the fic (aka after day five, izumi starts referring to leo nui w gendered pronouns fkdksl) they had a bonding moment <33

this is probably my favorite part of the fic ngl like honestly. I don't even think I can make fun of izumi here bc I think something that grossly domestic would fix me too (but it's still so funny to be like. izumi wakes up in a bad mood and his first thought of how to fix it is to imagine a whole scenario w leo that is soft but. maybe he really is onto something)

the day three naruritsu call is bc i started writing nui izlo last august which was a month before nrrt week and they were in my head so bad (they haven't left). and then I was like haha what if I write the date for nrrt week before the fic is finished. and now this year it's like,, haha what if i (hopefully will actually write the date this time but also. as a small aside, the concept of arashi having to be straight up told it's a Real Date and not a friend date is so good in this essay i)

this is supposed to be bc they're not speaking a language izumi personally knows how to speak, so only certain words make sense think of it when you hear someone speaking another language and there's loan words or cognates that you recognize even if u don't know what's being said

I said it in the a/n but this part and all of day five is that even though they're past the events of checkmate and everything that came from it, things aren't magically like. Perfect, yk? like they found their way back to each other and knights didn't fall apart but that doesn't mean that everything that happened then doesn't bother them to some extent. like just look at next door and mr they can't know i care taking the earliest flight to japan w limited knowledge of what's going on + leo leaving in the first place bc of an argument like I can go on for a while (so much of ! was izlo figuring shit out bc of what happened between them so i mean,, it's definitely still prominent in their lives even if it's in the past).

he's funny for being like wait can someone hear me rn, their conversation is happening in japanese lmao

happy brief trans leo mention, this part also makes me so like. giggles kicks feet and idk why exactly. anyway leo is trans, it just never really comes up in my writing so fkxksl (is anyone in knights really cis? the answer is no)

day five aka the radio silence day is so,,, I wanted to have a day like this in here but I felt like I was being a little dramatic abt it but i was like well. izumi knows that leo is probably busy and they're in a better space now, but all things considered, I do think he'd worry. I mean izumi is worrier #1 but fkdks that's not the point. by this point, he has mostly stopped blaming himself for checkmate but u do have to realize that next door did happen and he did make leo leave that time, that one was all him so,, but even outside of that, I don't think izumi is like. Concerned about it every time that leo stops talking to him or is out of the country, but in this situation, he already misses leo and they'd talked for a while the day before then to wake up to hear absolutely nothing is not fun. (i probably have more but idk where i'm going w this rip) I just think there's something there, yk? like idk they're a little (very much) attached to each other

requiem reference (izumi will never live it down sorry). was going to talk abt their relationship and the use of partner rather than boyfriend but. idk.

niki's kitchen is such a funny circle to me bc they really just. have a signed framed picture of izumi there for the meetings so gkdksm obligatory mention (plus I do think izumi is Aware that niki knows what he's doing in the kitchen so he'll actually take his advice)

when I was planning this fic out, this part was going to be a little different; izumi wasn't going to realize he had leo nui until he was in the store and he looks down into the bag and there's a little guy in there but mckslsl

I think this is so cute and I'm specifically pointing it out so you all agree w me. like idk izumi would think leo's dumb alien shirts r so fucking ugly but that's the first thing he's putting on when leo is out of the country for any extended period of time

reference to something in recital I haven't written yet (the concept of a person being your home rather than a place and what it means when you destroy that person and you're left without anyone to return to :) )

this part has been in my head for Months, like nearly since I started it. like,,, man I wish I could draw without having a meltdown bc I hate it bc,,,, the soft leo in my head in this part makes me want to eat glass (also haha izumi sena grossly in love)

I think that's everything,,, (is probably most definitely forgetting about something)

[jisungsmochi]

request from @tyongf-sunflower99 ; Hiii how are u? <3 I'd like to request a mafia or racer thing for haechan or jeno? Like fluffy and lightly suggestive (if it's okay!) Idk much about the plot but I trust you 💗thank you un advance!!

thankyou for the request! i’ve chosen racer jeno hehe, i hope you enjoy it!!

racer!jeno + female reader (intended but can be read as gender neutral if ‘princess’ is omitted!)

word count: 1.4k

warnings: overuse of ‘princess’ — lots and lots of fluff, gets suggestive towards the end tho

//

“i can’t believe your parents let you come out tonight” jaemin teased as he walked closely behind you.

“you really think i asked for their permission?” you snickered in response, halting your movements once you reached the start line.

“that jeno kid really rubbed off on you” you gulped are the mention of his name. it was no secret that you and jeno had been ‘hanging out’ the past few weeks. it all started when you accompanied jaemin to one of these street races. personally, you had no interest in it, but when you caught the eye of the striking lee jeno, everything changed. he approached you first, charming you with his smooth words. it didn’t take long for him to capture your attention. the only issue was, you weren’t sure if it was just a friendship, or leading to something more.

“oh be quiet, he does NOT have an impact on me” you rolled your eyes, moving to scam the crowd, waiting for jeno to come in sight.

“keep telling yourself that” jaemin smirked, nudging your arm, causing you to turn back to him. before you could say anything, the person you were looking for, happened to be right next to your friend. you jaw was slightly ajar, you hoped he hadn’t eavesdropped on the prior conversation.

“evening, princess” jeno’s deep voice make your ears perk up. okay, maybe he did have an impact on you.

“h-hey” jaemin took it as his cue to leave, patting your shoulder softly, mumbling about going to grab a snack (to be honest, you honestly weren’t even listening)

“here to watch me again?” jeno stepped closer to you, making your breath hitch.

“i-well yes? i mean isn’t everyone else here for the same reason?” you try to play it off, making jeno chuckle softly at your rambling. he found you completely and utterly irresistible.

“that hurts me, princess. i really hoped you had come for me” he slightly pouted. you quickly moved to touch his arm gently,

“i did!” you blurted out, shutting your eyes in embarrassment. jeno moves his hand to hover over yours, that was on his arm.

“that’s what i wanted to hear” he muttered, rubbing his thumb over the surface of your hand. you finally looked up at him, your eyes meeting his glistening ones. he always liked looking into your eyes, there was something so comforting and innocent about them.

“i have to get ready soon, but meet me here when i’m finished?” he continued to hold your hand in his. it felt so natural.

“yeah of course” you nodded, feeling his hand slip out of yours, which made your heart sink. he sent you a quick smirk before he made his way to his car. jaemin snuck up behind you with a packet of chips in his hand.

“oh you’re whipped” you elbow his side, snatching the chips from him as he groaned in pain.

maybe you were whipped for jeno.

//

once jeno’s car passed the finish line, everyone started cheering. despite his cocky attitude when it comes to racing, he always performs. that was something else you liked about him. from the few times you hung out alone, he seemed to be off in his own world. he was always zoning out or mumbling about something random. you loved hearing whatever he had to say, which made him immediately comfortable with you.

his eyes were searching the crowd once he exited his car. despite being met with multiple people congratulating him, his main focus was you.

you timidly made your way towards him, struggling to pass the crowd. suddenly, you felt someone grip your wrist, pulling you towards them. you felt yourself slam into the figure in question.

“thought i was going to lose you, princess” jeno couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, you actually waited.

“i don’t break my promises” you gleamed, feeling instantly shy.

“wanna get out of here?” you nodded, rushing to the passenger side of his car. you also decided to sent jaemin a quick text, you knew he was going to tease you the following day, so you muted him before he could respond.

“sorry it was a bit crazy out there” he apologised, starting the engine of the car.

“it’s alright, i mean, i guess you’re famous”

he scoffed,

“highly doubt it. they’re just happy they’re getting money from betting on me” he shrugged, looking over at you to make sure you were all buckled up. this wasn’t the first time you had been in his car, but he could get used to this sight.

“where to, princess?”

“anywhere...as long as it’s with you” that caught him off guard. jeno didn’t get flustered easily, but you always hit a weak spot in him.

“the things you do to me” he muttered loud enough for you to hear. you chose not to respond, feeling heat rise to your ears. jeno slowly made his way out of the track, now travelling along the highway.

“do you actually like racing?” you weren’t sure what conjured you to ask him that, but you were curious nonetheless. he always played down his interest for racing.

“where’s this coming from? well if i’m being honest, it’s fun. i enjoy the adrenaline and sometimes the attention. the money isn’t too bad either. but it’s not a lifelong thing, you know? just something to do while i’m young” he goes off on this whole tangent about living your life the way you want to. you wish you could relate, but you were forced to study and take as many extracurriculars you could fit into one day. you rarely had any free time to be alone.

“i wish i enjoyed something as much as you enjoy racing” you sighed, fiddling with the keychain on your purse. jeno wasn’t sure how to respond. he turned to park at a random field, a singular street lamp hovering over the car, allowing you to see him a bit better.

“you’ll figure it out soon. i’m sure if it. you’re amazing like that, princess” jeno smiled softly, moving his fingers to brush against yours. you sensed he was slightly nervous, linking your fingers with his in response.

“i really like hanging out with you, jeno” you whisper slightly, pulling your face closer to his.

“i really like hanging out with you too. it honestly feels like you’re keeping me sane” he chuckled, moving so that there was a tiny gap between your lips.

“if i kissed you right now, would you kiss me back?”

“only one way to find out” and with that, jeno presses his lips to yours. at first it was quite gentle, his lips were definitely softer than you had imagined. his hand moved to graze over the side of your neck, resting it there as he continued kissing you. you placed your hands on the sides of his face, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth with ease. part of you wanted him to drive you home and continue this in your bed, but the thought of your parents catching you with a boy in your room had you shaking.

jeno pulled away first, his lips still close enough to brush against yours.

“you don’t understand what you do to me. being with you, it’s like a breath of fresh air. i cant really explain it” he wanted you to know how much he truly cared for you, before you went any further.

you pressed another kiss to his lips before trailing down his neck. jeno felt his breath hitch, his hands now balled into fists. this was only something he dreamed about, he didn’t think it would ever happen.

“you’re too good to me” he sighed, softly stroking your hair as you continued kissing his neck. you weren’t sure what came over you, but hearing him praise you, made you feel good.

“wanna take this to the back seat? only if you’re comfortable of course” he offered. you quickly made your way to the back, pulling him to hover on top of you. without another word, you continued making out. you let his hand rest on your waist, gently rubbing your sides as he kissed your neck. you softly whimpered every time he brushed over a sensitive spot. it made him more eager to make you feel good.

“jeno, be my boyfriend” you said in between kisses, making him smile against your lips. it’s as if he had been waiting for those words to leave your mouth, the moment you met him.

“i haven’t wanted anything more”

the rest of the night consisted of more kissing, more groping and a lot of compliments being exchanged. at the end of the day, you were able to score yourself a street racing boyfriend...now let’s hope your parents won’t be too mad.

[imagineddworld]

FBI training (Part 1)

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Summary: The reader is the child of the two most skilled FBI agents of the States. At the FBI training she is paired up with a very determent young man who always finds a way to trouble her. 

Author’s note: I tried to make it as genderneutral as possible. But at some point there is a small implication that the reader could be female and their roommate could be male. But further than that, there is no specifications of gender. 

This is going to be a multiple part fic. The first part already took me way too long to write. So I apologize in advance if the next parts will take long to write too. I will try to finish them as quickly as I can.

Words: 3k (3084) 

On the most important day of your life, running late was not one of the things you had planned for. But seen how impulsive your roommate could be, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to mess up your schedule. They had stolen all your alarm clocks at night for some stupid experiment. Yes, you owned multiple. Normally you used your phone as an alarm. But after a couple mishaps caused by your roommate, you couldn’t put all your trust entirely on electronic devises. So you had bought an old-fashioned alarm clock that still ran on batteries, just in case something were to happen to your phone. But even that clock had been ruined many times. So from that moment on you always had some spare clocks hidden in your room, just in case. 

That they had found all your spare clocks wasn’t too surprising, seen that they weren’t hidden very well. What did shock you was that they hadn’t woken you up by their wild scavenger hunt. You were a light sleeper, even the smallest of noises could shake you out of your deep rest. That’s why you wore earbuds to bed, including that particular night. They often didn’t muffle the sounds enough, surely not during an experiment. Your roommate tend to forget about their surroundings as they start one, getting lost in their passion. You had awoken countless of times to the sound of falling objects, happy laughter, mumbles of rambling thoughts, excited jumping, soft sobbing and frequently a loud whine or groan. By now it was a normal occurrence. But of course, on that night the earbuds had done their job, cancelling out all the noise from the nightly events. 

The evening before, everything had gone smoothly. Too smoothly. You were supposed to suspect something, but your intuition had failed you due to the overwhelming amounts of emotions that threw you out of balance. There always had to be a bump in the road. Nothing ever went entirely good.  You had excitedly packed your backpack, leaving out a book to read before you went to bed. Next you picked out your outfit for the morning, neatly placing it on top of your wooden desk. Making that decision the day before took away a part of the unwanted stress to your already overflowing anxiety-filled body. Not that picking an outfit for the FBI Academy would be hard. They had a strict dress code. Everyone had to wear a white button up, tie being an optional choice. What you wore as bottoms also was a free choice, but they had to be formal and needed to show off professionalism.

Before you had changed into a big T-shirt and some sleeping shorts, you checked over your backpack and outfit; making sure you hadn’t forgotten anything. After double checking 3 times, you continued your night ‘routine’. (Your days never looked the same, so you couldn’t really call it a routine.) You washed your face and brushed your teeth, bidding your roommate goodnight as you passed by their room. Once in your room again, you placed your phone on the nightstand, making sure it’s charging for the night. Next you grabbed your earbuds, securing them in your ears before climbing into bed. While you sank into the pile of soft pillows, a mixture of emotions overwhelmed you. Excitement and anxiety had boiled up in your body throughout the whole week. But only now did they leave a tight, crushing feeling in your chest. None the less, sleep soon overtook your senses, greeting you with a peaceful night full of dreams.

As soon as your eyes closed, your luck decided to no longer be on your side. A default in your roommate’s experiment had caused a huge black-out in your building. The electricity had been out all night, resulting in your phone being dead as you awoke the next morning. Usually you could have trusted on your spare alarms, but those were also destroyed in the process of the experiment. That left you with no alarms to wake up to , therefore ending up being late.

What actually had woken you up was the harsh light shining through your thin drapes. It immediately triggered a huge wave of panic to drown, stealing all the air from your longes. Your eyes shot to the analogue clock that hung on your wall, cursing loudly as you read the time. You quickly jumped out of bed, stumbling through your room in a hurried state. At a rapid speed you pulled your clothes on, washed your face, brushed your teeth, tamed your wild bed-hair and desperately tried to make yourself look presentable in the little time you had. You ran back to your room to grab your backpack and the book you were supposed to read last night. Next you made your way over to the small kitchen, taking an apple from the fruit bowl. As you stuffed it into your backpack, you placed your book onto the table. While doing so, your eyes caught sight of your roommate sleeping with their head onto the cold surface. They were surrounded by your broken alarm clocks, pieces scattered everywhere. You couldn’t resist the urge to hit them against the head with your book. Not too hard of course, but hard enough to make any impact. They jumped awake, nearly falling off their chair. ‘Next time wake me up’, you said referring to their failed experiment, ‘Surely when you steal all my alarm clocks.’ You continued rushing to the front door, shoving your book in your backpack as well. They mumbled a small apology. ‘Usually you wake up way before your alarm’, their voice was groggy and quiet. While putting on your shoes you shouted your reply: ‘Not when I haven’t slept less than 6 hours in the past 5 days.’ Another apology followed, but you payed no mind to it. You shut the door behind you with a rather loud thud. You deeply breathed in and out before starting your run towards campus. The interaction hadn’t been in a mean manner or a sign of anyone being upset at the other. It was just your panicked, anxiety filled state being in need to rush, while they had their brain still filled with the morning fog. 

The reason why you barely had closed your eyes in the past 5 days, was because you were helping your parents who had stumbled upon a cruel twist in their rather difficult case. You couldn’t stand to just watch them suffer, so you pulled a few all-nighters with them until you solved most of the hard parts. The feeling of being able to solve such a thing, made it all worth it. None the less, it still had left you exhausted and drained. 

---

To your surprise you had made it in time. You had ran your way to campus, underestimating how far the distance actually was. You tried to catch your breath as you quickly checked your watch. You had 8 minutes till your class started. It was a little late for your liking, knowing how important punctuality is to them, but it would do. You lightly jogged through the halls as you looked at the map of the building that was supposed to guide you through the maze like structure. Even if you had been there plenty of times before in your life, it still was a confusing structure that didn’t want to stick in your head. 

Your mind was too occupied with other things, completely forgetting about your surroundings. So, it was only logical for you to run into a person. The impact of bumping into their harsh chest made you stumble back the slightest bit, but you were able to quickly steady yourself like nothing had happened. Before you could look at the damage you had done, a high pitched voice cracked out a long ‘noo’. In front of you stood a tall, raven-haired man with warm brown eyes. He was looking at the huge coffee stain on his white button while holding his empty coffee cup in his other hand. In the mean while you had gotten distracted by his beauty. You noticed small birthmarks littering his pale skin, resembling little constellations being spread out in the night sky. 

The string of curse words leaving his lips pulled you out of your fazed out state. You had accidentally been checking out this exceptionally beautiful man, who hopefully hadn’t noticed anything of it. It would be highly inappropriate and quite uncomfortable. Luckily for you his eyes were still on the huge coffee stain. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry’, you stammered out, immediately moving into action. You swung you backpack to the front, rumbling through your stuff in order to find the spare shirt you had stolen from your roommate. They didn’t mind. You were clumsy by nature and had to lend their clothes on plenty occasions. Neither was it your first time to ever ruin someone’s clothes, so you always tried to be prepared for moments like this. 

The man continued to angrily mumble to himself, clearly stressing out. He failed to notice the shirt you had offered to him, until you spoke up. ‘Here’, you offered him a polite smile as his head shot up at a fast pace. You were met with a confused look being plastered over his face. Assuming what his next statement would be, you answered before he could open his mouth. ‘It’s a men’s medium.’ As his facial expression didn’t change, you huffed out an annoyed sigh. He seemed to have trouble connecting the dots. He just had to accept the shirt, that’s all. You couldn’t lose any more time, surely not by a stupid encounter. ‘Take it or go in with a huge stain, it’s your choice’, you stated with annoyance clearly noticeable in your voice, while trying to continue your kind demeanor. You dropped the shirt into his hands. ‘If I were you I would change quickly’, you said over your shoulder before turning the corner that lead you to your final destination. 

You had made it just in time. The classroom already filled with students. You quickly sat down at one of the tables that still had an empty spot.  On your left sat a nice looking girl with her hair tied up in a tight ponytail. She offered you a kind smile that faded into a mean scowl only seconds later. Would she have recognized you? Did she knew who you were?

You were the child of two of the most skilled FBI agents of the States. They were top of their field and greatly respected by most people. Seen you family (who all worked in similar fields) were so well known, it was only logical that you also would gain the attention from outsiders. But that also caused them to make wrong assumptions about you. They were often too stubborn to see the truth or didn’t even want to take the chance to get to know you. They just thought you were an arrogant, ego-centric, selfish child who was spoiled to dead and never had to work a day in their life. They thought you were in dire need to constantly get all the attention. They expected you to think highly about yourself while looking down on others, therefore also expecting you to be condescending towards them.  Your parents had tried to prepare you for this. Not everyone is going to like you or take their time to get to know you before voicing their opinions about you. In this field, and similar fields, professional jealousy was very common. It made people act in vile ways. You feared this was going to happen in your training. 

 You sat in your chair with a scared heart while anxiously tapping your pencil against the desk. The supervisor was reading names of a list, but your mind drowned his voice out due to your excessive worrying. It all went smoothly, until he tumbled over a particular hard name. ‘Mie-Mic...’, the poor man looked questionably at his paper, desperate to pronounce the name correctly. As on cue the boy from earlier came to stand into the doorframe. His stained shirt was replaced by yours, fitting him just a tad bit too tightly. It showed off his muscular body even more. ‘Miecsyslaw Stilinski, sir... But most people call me Stiles.’ His voice was lower this time, but still clearly with with raging anxiety. Hearing his name roll of his tongue so smoothly made an alarm go off in your head. It sounded oddly familiar. Surely the nickname ‘Stiles’ had triggered a vague memory to resurface in your head. You just couldn’t figure out any of the details. It was like an itch you couldn’t scratch. 

The supervisor looked sternly at the new boy with an unimpressed look on his face. His eyes examined him, clearly judging his appearance. ‘Ah, I see. Well, next time be on time .. and dress appropriately. You don’t need to try showing off your pretentious muscles, it doesn’t suit you.’ That comment made you feel even more guilty. It was your fault he was late and had to dress in a too tight shirt. He apologized with his eyes faintly focusing on something behind the supervisor, before they quickly went to you in order to shoot you a nasty glare. You returned an apologetic smile that didn’t help much with the current situation. He continued to hold eye contact with you until the man’s voice filled the room again. ‘Now take a seat will you’, the annoyance was clear as day. His eyes left yours for a split second as he came to action, stumbling his way towards the empty chair that just happened to be to your right. As he passed by, still holding intense eye contact with you, his faint but sweet cologne filled your nose. A scent that later on would distractingly infiltrate your nose, no matter how much you tried to focus on something else. 

You were pulled out of your trance again when an excited voice filled your ears. ‘(Y/N)(Y/L/N), what a surprise to see you here. What could we possibly teach you? You already know everything and are following your parents footsteps flawlessly.’ Your cheeks reddened at his praising comment. The other students immediately glared at you, envying how sweet he acted towards you. Towards the others he had been cold and distant, whereas now he was talking highly about you. A big difference that everyone easily noticed. The room immediately was filled with a strong uncomfortable tension that reeked of jealousy.

The main reason for his kind demeanor towards you was because you already knew each other. Your parents often visited the Academy, helping with the development of new tasks or other improvements. Other times he visited you at home. He had seen you grow into the person you are today. His bond with you could be considered as a familiar one, or at least close to. So that explained. his fondness of you. The other reason for his praising was the status of your parents. It would be a shame on him and the Academy to talk down on or disrespect your family or you in any way. Besides the great help they provided for the Academy, they also were one of their sponsors.  You just hoped that they wouldn’t use this to your advantage by treating you differently and more highly. You wanted to be given a fair chance. If they were going to train you without fairly criticizing you out of fear of disrespecting your family’s name, then this whole thing would be a waste of time. 

‘Well, everyone is equal to the law. It’s one of the requirements we all need to go through to become an FBI agent. No matter how experienced or inexperienced we are, we all deserve to be treated equally’, you said timidly, trying not to sound overly confident or condescending towards others. You gave the supervisor a timid but kind smile while trying to avoid the burning glares. You didn’t want to go any deeper into the subject. 

Seen that you were a child of the two top FBI agents of the states, meant that you had been trained to follow their footsteps from a very young age. As a baby you were given a lot of puzzles and stimulants to train your senses. At the age of 3 the tasks started to be more difficult and challenging. At your 5 the training started to become serious. When you were 12 you already were allowed to help with smaller cases. At 16 you were actively helping them with all types of cases. Both your parents had gone through the same training, seen that their fathers also had been top FBI agents. At this point the training had become some sort of tradition in your family. Most of the people in your family had underwent similar trainings, as they all worked in similar fields. They varied from FBI agents, cops, sherifs, detectives to medical helpers such as nurses, doctors, firemen,...

The supervisor laughed at your comment. ‘I’m sure you’ll graduate without any trouble. It’ll be an easy game for you. Even in your sleep you’ll still be top of the class.’ Again, you shoot him an awkward but polite smile, being uncomfortable by the amount of praising he has done. It was overwhelming and placing you in a hard position. ‘That depends on how hard you make the tasks’, your timid voice became even more quiet as the mean glares had intensified. ‘Always so humble. Just like your parents.’ With that statement he ended his long praising session.

As he continued his speech of the importance of this training, you let out a deep sigh. You had turned impossibly bright, your face burning from embarrassment. Without intending to, he had put you as a target for everyone to hate on. He made you seem like the enemy that everyone had to fear. He had thrown tons of gasoline on the burning fire of jealousy. Your future colleagues saw you as the one thing that would stand in their way of becoming a FBI agent, something that would withhold them from their dream. If there wasn’t going to be rough play already, there sure would be now. This was going to be a rougher year than you had anticipated. You were already dreading the next day to come. 

-To be continued-

[bumbleklee]

Honey (Kaeya x M!Reader)

CONTENT WARNING: Internalized homophobia, cursing, alcohol/drunkenness, fist fight scene and mentions of blood

Before Reading: this one-shot uses the f-slur a few times but please keep in mind that I am a lesbian who has been called this word many times in the past so I am reclaiming it through writing. like in the content warning, this story is basically all internalized homophobia so if this subject makes you wary - please don’t read! story is under the cut for sensitive topics

You remember your first love dearly. It was Jean and you were thirteen. She was your best friend and you loved her beauty more than anything in the world. She was kind to you even when you were cruel to her to impress your male friends. It was hard not to fall in love with how she loved you.

When you were sixteen, you dated Jean. Your first kiss was with her, you found comfort in her. You even imagined spending the rest of your life in Mondstadt married to her. Unknowing to you at the time, Jean became your shield. You paraded her around to shut down rumors and broke her heart to save yours. You aren’t expecting her sigh of relief when you begin to question if she was the one for you.

You break up with Jean when you’re eighteen. She was tired and you knew she deserves someone better. You never stopped loving Jean.

When the rumors swirl again, you try to play them off. People wondered why you and Jean had broken up - were you hurting her? Was she cheating on you? Were you cheating on her?

Of course not.

Were you gay?

You didn’t understand what it meant to be gay, so you couldn’t be gay. 

Kaeya is open about love. He says he loves anyone - boys and girls and every other gender. He was proud yet you still didn’t understand. How could someone love so many different people when there were rules? You want to help Kaeya realize this - help him realize he’s only supposed to love girls.

For the next year, you examine Kaeya closely. You accompany him to bars after work and watch him leave with a plethora of different people. One night, he finds solace at the table with a male knight whose name you couldn’t remember. You can only watch their lips press against each other for a moment before retreating to the bar.

“How insensitive,” You mumble, catching the eye of Diluc. He finishes drying a glass and fills it with wine, pressing it towards you gently.

“Are you jealous?”

Your eyes snap up and you let out a breath of shaky laughter. “Jealous? Your brother is sick in the head - he needs to convert before it’s too late.”

Diluc is tight-lipped. To him, you look sick in the head. His relationship with his brother may not have been the best but never would Diluc resort to such hateful thoughts. Kaeya was, well, Kaeya. You stare at him, waiting for him to say something - say anything.

“I can’t believe you’re defending that faggot.”

With a quick movement, Diluc pulls your drink away and it’s hastily thrown in your face. The alcohol drips into your eyes and you seethe.

“Leave. And don’t come back.”

“Gladly.”

He just didn’t understand.

You expect Kaeya to avoid you like the plague after your outburst at the tavern yet the next morning he’s glued to your side at work. His demeanor is off but when you look at him, he smiles.

Anytime you try to bring up your concerns about Kaeya’s sexuality to him, he simply laughs and tells you how funny you are. You get angrier each day and start to spend free time in the church praying to Lord Barbatos to please help Kaeya.

You speak to your parents about your actions and they’re proud of you. Especially your old man. He’s withering away by the day but is still conscious enough to tell you your hair is getting too long - too femine - and you need to cut it. You appreciate him.

Jean is still your rock. She knows more about you than you do.

When you realize how pretty Kaeya looks during the Windblume Festival, Jean is the first person you tell. You’re panicking, scared you’ve come down with a fever and are having hallucinations. Jean just rubs your back and tells you you’re fine.

“You like him,” She says.

“No, I don’t. I can’t.”

Her smile falters and she makes you look at her in the eyes, “It’s okay to like him.”

You pull away from Jean, angry you might say something you don’t mean. You stay far away from Kaeya and Jean for the rest of the festival, denying the frazzled thoughts that are swarming your mind. When Amber confesses to you at the end of the festival, you pull her into a storage closet and kiss her until you can see clearly again.

“We’re in love,” You tell Jean days later. She looks up from the paperwork on her desk.

“It’s been a week.”

She thinks you’re joking. “We’re soulmates,” You continue and Jean’s soft laughter stops. You wait for her to deny it, to protest against your newfound relationship, but she never does. She just sighs and waves you back to Amber.

On a particularly bad day at work, Jean surprises the knights with food and drinks from The Cat’s Tail. You drink so much that you forget you’re there with Amber and by the time you remember, she’s stormed off to find someone else. Instead, you stay near Kaeya as the taller man tells you a story about an adventure.

It’s fine until his arm loops around your waist and your senses overwhelm you again. You shove Kaeya away and his back hits the bar counter. The tavern grows quiet and Kaeya quickly makes a loud joke about how horrible you were at dancing. You pretend you don’t see the hurt in his eye.

All you can hear is the blood pounding in your ears.

You retreat to the table Jean is sitting at and Kaeya pulls Albedo towards him. The chief alchemist, for once, looks excited. Your chest tightens and you stare at the pair with a heavy gaze.

“Albedo is a fag, too,” You start causing Jean to sigh sadly, “He’s a fag and he’s all over my -”

You stop abruptly. What were you going to say? The word that lingers in your mind makes you feel sick to your stomach. As soon as you got home, you were going to repent for even thinking of it. Jean touches your arm lightly, “Y/N…”

You pull your arm away, “Nothing. Nevermind.”

Three months later, Kaeya kisses you.

It’s short and sweet and you’re rambling about how you think him and Jean would make a cute couple. His lips are soft and taste like honey and you feel like you’re flying.

Soaring through the wind until suddenly you’re not.

You hit the ground.

It hurts.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You scream, trying to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. This was horrible - it was all wrong.

“Please,” Kaeya begs, “Shut up.”

You run from him. Your feet take you far into the Whispering Woods and your hands press on your temple with so much force you think you’re going to break. Everything you knew, everything you believed in, was flying out the door and you couldn’t grab onto it. You’re sick - you have to be. There’s no other reason why the only want in your head is Kaeya’s lips on yours again.

You scratch at your skin, curl into yourself and scream.

Kaeya avoids you and you avoid him. You thought this would solve everything - if Kaeya wasn’t around you, he wouldn’t be able to taint you. Yet anytime you looked into his office and saw emptiness, your tongue ached for that sweet taste of honey.

You miss him so much and one day, your emotions get the better of you. You wait for him to stumble out of the tavern and when he does, you grab him. Your mouth gaps like a fish out of water, trying to formulate the right words to say to him.

“What?” His voice is cold, venomous, “Going to call me a faggot again and run away?”

Your heart breaks, “We can get through this together -”

Kaeya snaps his arms away, “You still don’t fucking get it! There’s nothing to get through, Y/N! I’m who I am and I am so fucking tired of waiting around for you to realize who you are!”

“I hate you.”

The words tumble from your lips and Kaeya’s fist collides with your cheek. You try to fight back but Kaeya is stronger. He shoves you down, straddling your hips and clenching your shirt in his hair. His eye is filled with bitter tears and he lands another punch to your face.

“I’m sorry that you were taught to hate love,” Kaeya continues, “I’m sorry you can’t accept that I love myself and you hate yourself!”

Your hands claw at Kaeya’s face, managing to tear off his eyepatch and reveal his blinded eye. Kaeya lifts you by the hold on your shirt only to slam you back down into the concrete. By now, there’s a small crowd of drunken knights surrounding you both.

“You’re mental!” You cry out, “You need serious help or you’re going to go to Hell! I don’t want you to go to Hell, Kaeya!”

Kaeya gives you one last punch, this one to your nose, and gets off your. You feel warm blood trickle past your lips and your head is pounding. He looks at you with an expression that makes you start crying yourself.

“I’ll go to Hell if it’ll save me from you.”

It takes you twenty minutes to get up and finally tread home. Your parents are already asleep and when you look in the mirror, you see the dried blood covering your lips and chin. Your nose hurt to the touch.

You fall into a deeper hole than you ever thought you would. You stay in bed for three days straight, blaming it on a cold, until Jean shows up at your door to drag you back into the sunlight.

You don’t feel worthy to be seen by the sun.

She takes you on a walk through Spingvale and you sit in front of the lake. You feel embarrassed, your hands folding on top of each other.

“We have to talk about what happened.”

You don’t look at Jean. Your shoulders tremble and you lean in closer to your knees. “I’ve been trying to push...it...away for so long,” You start. Your voice is a hushed whisper and you hardly recognize it. “But it’s like there’s this flashing light that keeps reminding me.”

“It’s because it’s who you are.”

“That’s the problem.”

Jean is quiet for a moment before reaching over and placing her hand over yours.

“My parents told me growing up that love was between a man and a woman and that Lord Barbatos would punish the souls who didn’t obey that. I don’t...don’t want to get punished, Jean.”

Your hands are shaking. Jean rubs your thumb, “Lord Barbatos would never punish anyone for being in love.” You feel shameful again. “But you don’t love Amber.”

You didn’t. You truly didn’t. In fact, you had forgotten about her during your depressive episode. You felt horrible - you had hurt so many people just to hide from the truth. Tears well in your eyes again and you don’t know what to do.

“Listen,” Jean says comfortingly. You finally look up to meet her tired eyes - the same eyes from back when you were eighteen. “I’ll talk to Amber for you. I think you owe someone else a visit.”

Without another word, you took off. You hoped Kaeya was around and not on a commission because if you didn’t say what you needed to say now, you never would. Thankfully, you find him sitting at his desk at the Headquarters. You stand in the doorway and clutch at your sleeves, your heart pounding.

In that moment you realized you couldn’t do it alone - you couldn’t be yourself alone.

Without someone guiding you through this, you would fall into old habits and never progress. If you continued to shove your truth far, far away then you would lose Kaeya forever.

“Are you just going to stare at me?” Kaeya finally asks. His voice is much kinder than days prior.

“I love you.”

Time freezes and you stare at each other. The words linger in the air but you know there’s no taking them back. Kaeya was expecting another half-assed biblical chant about how you could change him. He was never expecting a love confession.

You realize you’ve been moving closer to Kaeya when his hand reaches out to touch your cheek. He rises from his desk and leans in, pressing his lips to yours ever so slightly. As soon as you taste honey, you feel sparks fly.

You lived in a world of hatred and darkness, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to arise. And Kaeya was that light.

[literaila]

a bridge of chance

spencer x reader 

request: hi verity! i really reeaaaalllyyy love your writing, especially the more angsty ones but i wanted to request something with more fluff. i haven’t been feeling that well recently and i was wondering if you could write about the start about reader and spence’s relationship. where the reader has a hard time opening up and when they do, they’re afraid spencer is going to leave them. but then spence reassures them that he’s going to stay with them. (female or gender neutral reader is fine with me). thank you so much :)

warnings: fear, anxiety, some hints of depression, mentions of pain, fluff, crying, thats it, its very very long 

a/n: i’m sorry if its not what you expected! or if its too confusing (i wrote it so fast i cant even remember whats happening) * 

It was like walking across a bridge. 

It didn't seem hard, theoretically. All you had to do was walk forward, until you made it to the other side. A destination you’d been waiting to reach, hoping to find. It was only a couple of steps, meters away, a second of distance. 

But the fall was so far down. 

The chance of slipping, losing your footing, your balance, and falling off onto the edge of the earth, far away, where you would worry no one could ever find you again. It was a long way down. 

It was like walking across a bridge. 

And it didn't seem hard, but there was always that chance, a scary little ‘what if’ that stuck itself to the back of your mind until the task seemed impossible. Until falling, into loneliness and despair and all the bitter things of the world, seemed inevitable. 

She’d never told anyone that. She’d never uttered a word about how scared she was, how prone she was to falling into the darkness, into a world she’d climbed out far too many times. 

And she didn't plan to. She’d given up the hope of walking across a long time ago. She’d heard too many stories, too many failures, to trust herself to not fall off again. 

Because of that, she wouldn't. If she could just keep herself from needing to walk across, she’d never fall. 

And maybe that would turn out into a poor life, one where she never took risks, never had anything more than herself. 

But, she could live with that. She would make it through that. She wasn't sure she could make it through falling off again. 

***

She tried to ignore it. 

She tried to keep herself far away from the feeling. 

Remind herself of the bridge. 

Every night recently, she’d been having dreams. Strange dreams. Ones where she was walking, walking aimless and mindlessly, going nowhere, but finally stumbling across the bridge. It always got cold as soon as she saw it, and she could always feel the impending doom developing in her stomach, building itself into something new, but familiar. She begged herself not to walk across it, to turn around and continue walking nowhere, but she was being told what to do, and walking away wasn't it. 

She knew she was going to fall. She knew what this was, what it meant, and she didn't know why she wasn't allowed to turn around, and why she wasn't able to scream. 

She’d been having that dream for weeks. 

It’d been interrupting everything. She barely managed to get any sleep, always jumping herself awake before she could walk on it, before she could even attempt to let herself fall off. She spent all night chugging caffeine in any form, watching hours of tv until it was time to get ready for work. She took power naps during the day, excusing herself for lunch so that she could get at least fifteen minutes of sleep. 

It was pathetic and miserable. And she was glad that everyone else had pretended not to notice. 

And some nights she tried to go to sleep, taking pills enough to knock her out for a couple of days, hoping that they would be enough to help her sleep like the dead, with no dreams. 

But it didn't work. And she always ended up back by the bridge. The same one that she’d been seeing for weeks. 

The worst part was, she couldn't even pretend to be confused. There was no questioning from herself, no worries about what this strange dream meant, why she still hadn't crossed this bridge. She knew what it meant. 

She felt it every day. 

She felt it when she got her first cup of coffee in the morning, accidentally bumping hands with Spencer when they both reached for their mug. 

She felt it when they were away on a case, Hotch assigning the two of them to go talk to a witness, or check out a crime scene, or even stay behind and look over files both of them had already memorized. 

She felt it when he smiled at her. When they were both getting on the elevator to go home, he was smiling at her just because, and then giving her a small wave as they both made their way to their cars. 

She felt it when he looked at her, or said her name, or acknowledged her in any way. 

It was terrifying. But not confusing, no it had never been confusing for her. 

Because when she felt it, her heart sped up, her mind went blank, her eyes wavering on him for a moment too long, her hands picking nervously at her shirt, or her smile which never seemed to want to go away when he was around. 

It wasn't confusing. 

Her attention to detail, and knowledge of everything, made sure of that. 

And her dreams stayed the same, the feeling when she saw the bridge the same as when she saw him. 

She’d been there before. Too many times not to realize. 

She was in love with him. 

She was so desperately in love with him. 

And it was so threatening and so elating to be with him, far too exhilarating. 

Every time he smiled at her, she could feel herself walking forward, she could practically see the bridge in front of her, and she was ready to walk across it with him. She was ready to take that chance if he would just keep smiling at her like that. She was so free, and so nervous, and she could hear her heart begging her to go, to feel just as she did when he smiled at her forever. It was a desperate calling to be near him. 

But her dreams were vivid, and every night, when she saw that bridge, the one with all the memories, and all the burdens, and every terrible feeling she had ever gotten the chance to feel, she told herself not to go. She had made a promise to herself not to take the chance, not even for someone like Spencer. 

She saw herself slipping and falling, leaving him behind. And her feeling, the exhilarating one, she could see it being crushed in the fist of her own hand. 

And so when he smiled at her, she smiled back, just long enough to satisfy her heart, and turned around. Backing away from the bridge. Ignoring the feeling calling for Spencer to be next to her. 

She tried to ignore it. 

But it was so hard. So hard to keep herself away from him. 

Especially when he seemed to want to be near her just as much as she wanted to be near him. It was hard when he took the seat next to hers, bumping his knee against hers, sparking her leg with warmth for a second before moving it, and smiling at her. It was hard when he asked her if she wanted to get lunch with him, telling her about someplace he probably knew she would love, and she had to abandon the thoughts of her nap just to get the chance to go with him. It was hard when Garcia teased her about it, practically seeing through Y/N, and was relentless with her matchmaking. 

It was hard on days where she hadn't slept enough, hard to remind herself not to jump out of her desk and kiss him until they were both breathless. 

And it was hard because Spencer had started to get more daring with his advances. He’d been nervous to even be around her at first, she could tell just by the way his eyes danced around before looking back at her, but now, after months of spending more and more time together, he was no longer nervous, he looked right at her now, keeping eye contact with her as long as she would allow. 

It was crazy and nerve-racking, but Spencer had only been more and more willing to get closer and closer to her. 

And she would always say yes, to whatever he had asked her to do with him, whether it be going over to his apartment to watch a movie with him, playing chess in his hotel room when the cases were too much to sleep, going to dinner late at night when neither of them could sleep. She would always say yes, far too selfish to deny herself the pleasure. Far too tired to remember not to go. 

And besides, how could she say no to his eyes, which were wonderful and alive, and so very kind? 

Tonight, it was a movie. 

She hadn't gotten more than four hours of sleep in the past two days, but when Spencer asked her to come over, giving her one of his hopeful smiles, telling her that he promised he would get her favorite candy and that she could choose the movie, she almost begged herself to say no. 

She’d said yes. 

And the feeling, it was still there of course. All of her emotions, bunching together like she couldn't feel one thing at a time. 

Tonight was one of the nights where she almost couldn't breathe. She was used to watching movies with him now, after weeks of doing it she’d come to learn that he didn't like to stay quiet during movies, that Spencer preferred to make her laugh by commenting on something, or spilling some random fact about the movie itself. She’d always thought that people who couldn't stay quiet during movies were annoying, she’d always much preferred to enjoy the movie in silence, but now, she’d come to love Spencer's rambling. She’d always find herself waiting for it, even when he wasn't there, she was always waiting for him to say something. 

It was endearing. And terrifying. 

But that wasn't why she couldn't breathe. 

She wouldn't be able to breathe tonight because she and Spencer had gotten in the habit of moving closer and closer during these movie nights, neither of them saying anything about it, until one night she’d accidentally moved her head onto his chest, and instead of politely asking her to move like she’d expected him to, Spencer had only wrapped his arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to him. 

It had almost stopped her heart completely. She didn't dare move even an inch that night. 

But after that, they always managed to find themselves tangled together, molded into each other's bodies like they were sand. And it seemed as both of them thoroughly enjoyed it, neither of them moving away. 

But it always made it far too difficult for Y/N to breathe through the movie, and most nights she couldn't pay attention to anything except the way Spencer's hands felt on her waist, how warm he was. 

She knew she was in far too deep. She could feel the warnings in her head, telling her to go home, to go to bed, and remind herself of the thing she was trying so hard to avoid. 

But, something was pulling her towards him, and she was too weak, too small, to pull back. 

So she was laying on the couch with him, a blanket wrapped over the two of them, Spencer having eventually noticed how cold she was and bringing it from his room. 

She felt very strange, very confused. 

This felt different than every other night. Kind of like they were both playing by the script. 

She could feel him breathing next to her, sometimes she snuck a glance at his face to see him still watching the movie, and she wondered what was going on. Why this felt so different. 

She was apprehensive about speaking up. She didn't want to ruin the night for him, and she didn't want him to move further away from her. 

But, the warning signs in her head kept going off. She kept seeing the bridge, over and over, reminding her just how scared she was to be so close to him, to feel like she did. If not being able to breathe didn't kill her, the fear certainly would. 

She tried to watch the movie, but she couldn't stop bringing up memories in her mind. 

Memories of people walking out the door, leaving her behind to fend for herself. She couldn't stop feeling and seeing the people she loved the most disappearing, fading into dust that she could never seem to find again. She imagined herself on the bridge, and she could see all the people she had trusted the most on the other side of it, she could see them laughing and taunting her. 

And she kept slipping, trying to get to them, trying to make it over, but she couldn't keep her balance, couldn't stay on her feet. 

And she remembered the feeling. The feeling of falling so far down that she couldn't breathe anymore, so far that she couldn't think, couldn't move, but could only look up, and wish that she knew how to dig herself out. She could only remember being nothing in a hole of darkness where no one could hear her. She could only remember the pain it took to dig herself out, the burning she felt when her fingernails were torn off from climbing her way out, the sting she felt when there was no one on the bridge anymore. And she was alone. 

She was sitting next to Spencer, enveloped in his warmth, in his care which he had proven to her over and over, time and time again, but she couldn't think about him, or the movie she had chosen herself. She could only see the memories become torn apart by the feeling she knew was so close to her. 

She couldn't try and walk, she couldn't fall again. 

She couldn't breathe when Spencer was so close. 

“I have to go,” she whispered, moving away from him, pulling herself from his arms, trying to keep herself from falling on the floor. 

She knew this was rude, and she knew that she really just needed to talk to him, and not leave him confused and alone in his apartment, but she couldn't think about it anymore and she really had to go. 

“Y/N?” 

“Sorry,” she whispered again, grabbing her bag and starting to put on her shoes. “I haven't been sleeping well, and I need to go home before I pass out, and thank you for the food and the movie, and I hope that-” she’d finally gotten both of her shoes on when she looked up at Spencer, saw him standing in front of her confused. 

She almost wanted to stay. 

She shook her head, getting herself out of those thoughts, she had to go. 

“You’re really being very nice, and I know this is incredibly rude, but I really do have to go and-” she paused, out of breath, realizing Spencer hadn't said anything. 

She walked over to the door, turning the handle, but not opening it yet. She turned back around, gave Spencer her best awkward smile. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll see you at work on Monday.” She turned to go, ready to save herself from the embarrassment.  

“Y/N?” 

She almost hit her head on the door, turning around so quick, she could feel her heart speed up at the way her name sounded coming out of his mouth. 

“Yes?” 

“Are you alright?” 

He took a step closer to her, the two of them reflecting body heat off of each other in such a smile hallway. Y/N felt her grip on the doorknob loosen.  

She was distracted by his eyes, which were still so bright and understanding, not reserved like she imagined hers were. He didn't look annoyed or confused or angry, just patient. Waiting for her to answer. 

She’d barely been listening. 

“What?” she whispered, just noticing how close he was. 

But Spencer still took a step forward, moving closer, and she could feel his breath on her forehead, and all she could see was him, him him, and she couldn't breathe. He was close, and she was so distracted, and she tried to take a step back, stumbling on her feet. 

“I asked if you were alright?” he said again, whispering just as she was, his eyes locked with hers. 

She couldn't look away, and he wasn't going to. 

She took a breath in, the air coming in handy when her lungs were so close to collapsing. 

He was closer, and she wasn't sure how that was possible when he seemed so close before. 

“I-” she breathed, watching him, her eyes drifting down to his lips, a place she had forbidden them from going. She was breaking all the rules, falling in too deep, but she didn't see how she could move now, how she would ever be able to survive when Spencer was so close to her. 

“Y/N,” he whispered again, his fingertips coming up to her face, grazing the place under her eyes, where the bags had gotten so much darker the past few weeks. “You’ve been so tired.” he followed, cupping her cheek with his hand. 

And she wasn't sure what was happening, but he was touching her, different from how they’d touched before. 

“I-” she couldn't think, didn't have anything to say. He was a nightmare, she’d been trying so hard to move away from him, but she couldn't anymore, she just couldn't right now. 

“Y/N?” he asked for the last time, his eyes moving away from the rest of her face, falling on her eyes again, looking at her. 

She hummed, no words, but acknowledgment being the only thing she could respond for the moment. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his words flowing with the beat of her heart, and she didn't know what to do, how to think, how to breathe anymore, and she wanted him to. God, she wanted nothing more in the world than to be so close to him, than to remove the distance she could still feel between them. She wanted him to kiss her, to be there, and she didn't breathe a single word. 

She couldn't even nod her head anymore. 

She was so scared, so terrified, and there was nothing she could do to stop the burning in her chest, the fear in her eyes. She couldn't do this again, she’d been trying so hard to deny the truth, to deny the desperation to be with Spencer, to fall into his arms, to kiss him. She’d tried so hard, and she couldn't help but think that she had made a mistake coming tonight, that she shouldn't have come, that she shouldn't be there. 

She had made a promise. She’d promised she wouldn't do this again. 

And just like she had said the words out loud, Spencer moved back. Read the words on her face before she could breathe again. And she wanted him to come back, to kiss her, but she hadn't realized the tears falling from her eyes. Tears of hope, and fear and desperation, tears that she was embarrassed by. 

She still couldn't breathe thinking about what she had just done. 

But Spencer was there, and he was smart enough to speak for her. 

“Y/N? What's wrong?” He asked, he was meters away from her, allowing her the space to leave if she wanted to, the space to finally think for herself, the space so that he wouldn't do anything that she didn't want him to. 

Y/N gasped a breath in. It was strange to breathe after holding your breath for so long. It was strange to be so far apart from someone you wanted to be close to. 

“Can I sit down?” she mumbled, finally finding the words to say, finally thinking again. 

Spencer nodded, as quick as he could, going over to her to lead her to his couch, just trying to comfort her when she was obviously upset. 

He went to the kitchen, giving her a moment of space, and brought her back some water, noticing the signs of exhaustion and dehydration clearly. 

Y/N stayed silent, drinking the water, breathing in and out. She felt embarrassed for crying, ashamed for being so hesitant, nervous because she was still with Spencer and he was clearly worried about her. She was feeling so many things, and none of them seemed to be good. 

Spencer and she sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. Spencer understood needing some time, and he wasn't going to let her leave until she seemed better, but he would respect her space, try to offer any help that he could. Even if that meant just sitting and breathing with her. 

But finally, after about six minutes went by, and Y/N was breathing normally, her heart rate obviously slowed down, Spencer couldn't keep himself from asking. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Y/N looked at him, saw his eyes, heard his voice, and she could feel her heart pick up, beat with her thoughts. She loved him. Even when she was scared, she loved him. 

And before she could think about an answer, the words came tumbling out of her mouth. 

“I’m scared,” she whispered, looking away from him. 

Spencer watched her, confused, waited for her to continue. 

The words poured out of her mouth, flowing like a river as she told Spencer about her dreams, about the fear she felt in her chest, about the nights she’d spent up all night, hoping to bring her thoughts some relief. She told him about the sleeping pills, the naps she took in her car, the nights where she only lived off of caffeine. 

Spencer empathized with her, nodding along, listening to every word that she said, giving her the space to let out everything that she’d been building up. 

He never once interrupted, never said anything that wasn't invited. 

And then finally, she admitted the truth, the words she’d kept tucked in the back of her mind for weeks, feeling her nerves overflow inside of her. 

“I’m in love with you, and that's terrifying.” She whispered, avoiding his eyes. 

But when she finally looked back up, Spencer made no visible reaction to her words, only giving her a soft smile and nodding for her to continue again. 

“So many people have left,” she whispered, tears now flowing down her face at the words. “I’m so scared to be myself around everyone because it never seems to be enough. I always seem to drive everyone away.” 

She felt worse admitting the words out loud, felt scared admitting them to Spencer, someone she was sure that could push her off the bridge at any point, the one person she had fallen too deep with. 

“There are so many things in my life that have caused so much damage, so many things that are too much for people to deal with. Even my family and friends. I always drive them away, my trust issues getting in the way of everything.” She took a deep breath in, the words giving a big impact on her chest. “I don't trust anyone, not even myself, to keep me safe. And I’m so scared of letting people in, letting them get to know me because I know that they won't like it, I know that it's going to be too much. I can't trust anyone and so I’m terrified every time anyone is too nice or smiles at me the way you smile at me.” 

She didn't look over to see Spencer frowning, looking down at his hands, clearly still listening but now surrounded by his own reaction to the words. 

“So when we started getting closer, I started having those dreams, I started imagining myself falling into that place again. And I knew that if it happened one more time, I wouldn't be able to survive. I cant survive getting hurt like that anymore.” She whispered the last part like it was a secret she wanted to keep to herself like it was something she was only able just now to admit. 

And Spencer was about to say something when she continued. 

“But…” she paused to look at him, smiling through her tears. “You’re so tempting. You’re impossible to stay away from. And every time we’re together I forget everything I’m scared of, I just live in that moment with you. And I love it.” 

Spencer smiled at her back, his face still a bit reserved, his thoughts still not perfect, but he liked the smile on her face, the way the words she was saying seemed to cheer her up all on their own. 

“I don't want to lose this feeling. The one I have with you. But I can't help thinking that I will, and that's so scary to me. It's too much.” 

All of these words were relieving, but Y/N didn't want to see Spencer's reaction. She hadn't even given him the moment to tell her if he felt the same, and it was only for a second she realized that she had put herself up with no defenses, that Spencer could crush her right there with only a few words and she couldn't do anything about it. 

She almost started to get up, to leave, to start screaming and crying like she wanted to when he spoke again. 

“Hey,” he whispered, seeing the panic on her face, moving closer to her so that he could put his hand on her knee, keep her from running away when he still had so much to say. “Being this close to you, it makes my hands sweaty, and my brain runs blank, and my heartbeat out of my chest.” he laughed, trying to bring a smile to her face. “I can't remember a time when I felt like this, so undeniably happy, except for every moment with you.” 

“Spencer…” she whispered the words coming out of his mouth feeling foreign, the beating her chest insistent. 

“I would never let you fall. You’re so many things Y/N, but you’re not a person that drives people away. You’re someone who makes them want to stay.” 

Spencer moved closer to her, bringing his hand from her knee up to her face, cupping her cheek as he had earlier, but more gentle this time, just a little bit more cautious. 

“It's okay to be scared, I don't blame you. But, I don't want to let you fall, I want to walk that bridge with you. I want to hold onto you.” He paused for a moment, smiling at her, his eyes looking at her the same way they always did. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for months, I still do actually.” He said, his fingertips brushing against her bottom lip, his eyes away from hers. 

And her heart sped up again, and this was familiar. It was all familiar. They’d done this earlier, but she’d been terrified earlier. She’d had all of these fears locked up inside her head, all of these memories trapped behind bars that she had put up. 

“I love you,” Spencer whispered, the words hitting Y/N right in her head, in her heart, in the places that she didn't think were possible to feel emotion in. She could feel everything and nothing, and it was just Spencer, and he loved her. 

He was in love with her. 

She was terrified, and nervous, and so in love, when she leaned in closer to him, not letting herself move away again. 

And her lips were on his, and for the first time, she felt the desperation spread past her body, she felt that feeling moves to Spencer, both of them stuck together, their emotions exactly the same. 

And she was right, she was so right to be terrified, but she was so close to him, and she was so happy and felt so much happier than she ever had before. 

She could almost see the bridge, she could almost see them walking across it. 

Spencer pulled away, his eyes alight with the kiss they had shared, his face full of fondness and love for her. Only for her. 

He kept his hands on her face. Kept her as close as possible. 

“You need sleep,” he whispered, looking her in the eyes as he had so many times. “Stay with me tonight. It's too late for you to go home.” 

He smiled at her. 

“Okay,” she whispered back. 

* 

Spencer gave her a toothbrush, they brushed their teeth together, trying to hide their smiles from each other. 

They failed. 

Spencer handed Y/N some sweatpants and a shirt she could wear for the night, he gave her some privacy going into his kitchen to get some water for both of them. Even alone, Y/N couldn't stop herself from smiling, she could hear Spencer's voice in her head, telling her he loved her over and over. It was an exhilarating feeling to know the truth, even more exhilarating than the feeling she’d felt before. 

When he came back, she smiled at him, allowed him to wrap an arm around her, enveloping her in a warm hug. One that was comforting, and appreciated by both of them. 

By the time they got in bed, Y/N could feel her eyes starting to close. The exhaustion suddenly hit her all at once, the day had been tiring, with working all day, then staying up to watch a movie with Spencer, then pouring her heart out for him, only for it to be far too worth it. 

And she couldn't keep the smile off her face, but she knew that her body would much appreciate a night's sleep, and she would love to wake up in Spencer's arms. 

She rested her head on his chest, listening to his breath, breathing him in just the same. 

“Y/N?” he whispered for the last time that night, rubbing her back and playing with her hair. 

She was barely awake at that point, her eyes falling down, weighing a million pounds. 

“Hmm?” she whispered back, her eyes closed as she fell into his warmth. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” he whispered, his eyes wide, awaiting her response. 

But by then, she was asleep, breathing in and out, smiling in her sleep, her cheek resting against Spencer's chest. 

Spencer chuckled, happy that she was finally peaceful, finally getting some rest. He whispered ‘I love you’ staring at her for a moment. He kissed her head, held on to her a little bit tighter. 

*

That night, she had the same dream. 

But Spencer was there this time. He was holding onto her hand, whispering ‘I love you’ in her ear. 

And when she started to walk forward, he walked with her.

* 

my masterlist here. 

[napeoftheneck]

Rivers of Crimson (Ymir x Reader)

I absolutely can bestie!  I had a hard time trying to find out what I could do for some angst without being yk. One of those “I’m not Christa :(“ fics, so here’s some hurt/comfort w/ some extra angst mixed in !! Angst is my absolute favourite to write, I’m so elated that it’s is my first request. Especially with Ymir, too !! Thank u <3<3 

Title: Rivers of crimson  Genre: Angst w/happy ending, hurt/comfort  Warnings: Canon-typical violence, descriptions of injuries, angst, swearing, Ymir being kind of a meanie, fighting, implied comphet if you really REALLY squint  Word count: ~1.7k

IMPLIED SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 OF ATTACK ON TITAN !! 

(There was no specific request for a WLW reader, so I tried to keep it as gender-neutral as I can :>) 

-

Ymir had never really felt helpless since her youth. Even then, in those moments, she felt as though she had been ruling, that whatever she could do would bring praise and gratitude and triumph. It was only after she had been adjudged when she realised that the reason she sought after that feeling of authority for so long was because of just how dependent she had actually convinced herself she was. 

Becoming a god was the loneliest feeling in the world, but solitude brought a power not many had; it brought independence. She never had to worry about others. 

She often found herself watching her fellow cadets when they returned from battle. Ymir would often follow as they broke down, crumbling to their knees in wracked sobs upon hearing of the demise of their loved ones. She would listen to the hums of commiseration from other soldiers or watch as they would help the mourning fighter to their feet and lead them away from others' scrutinising eyes. She wouldn't pity them. The feeling of sympathy was foreign to her.

Ymir had been fighting for a grand portion of her life now. She had held herself to those same beliefs since her first day of training, so she was specifically surprised when she had taken such a liking to you.

She fought it for a while. Whenever you would sit with her at lunch, she would make an effort to seem uninterested when you spoke of your day. When you stumbled during training, she would correct you, but would mask whatever tenderness that found her voice with a sigh or a comment implying that you “need to suck it up”. 

Yet, despite how she pushed and strayed from you, you remained a constant in her life of inconsistencies. Eventually, you were the closest to what she could call a friend. 

Ymir ignored how, whenever you would patch her wounds or link to her on cold nights or how often you would sleep in the same bed, she was far too mercenary to label you as something other than a friend. Even that was stretching it. 

Though, in moments like these, Ymir wished that she was raw enough to let you know. Because, in moments like these, she would be terrified to misspeak. 

You wouldn’t fight often. Not like this. 

You had mentioned having to “get up early” off-handedly during dinner when excusing yourself from the table. Ymir asked about it and you mentioned a scout that had been injured, whom you volunteered yourself to replace for an outer-walls mission. You said it all so casually. Ymir couldn’t grasp any sarcasm in your voice or crack in your authored facade as you brushed through your hair in the mirror of her chambers. She didn’t see you make eye contact with her once. You spoke to her coolly about how happy you were to finally be able to sleep, about the dinner and how it was cold that day, about how Jean had snuck some of your apple at lunch that day.

Ymir just stood in silence, considering and rejecting things to say in response. 

“Were you gonna tell me about how you’re leaving tomorrow, or was I just supposed to wake up without you and put it together myself?” She spoke before thinking. You hesitated, hovering over your cupboard.  “Ymir, it’s not a big deal,” you finally sigh, running a hand through your hair the moment it’s freed. “I said it was just a capture mission. Hange said we won’t go far-“  “You can't go.”  You narrow your eyes. You had now frozen in your tracks completely; no longer pacing around the room to place things in their correct spaces.  “I’m not a child,” you speak gently, as if to a rabid dog. The blaze in her eyes was enough to pardon it. “I don’t have to ask your approval to work. I don’t need you next to me,” you deride lightly, insignificantly, as you turn your back to her. You didn’t plan to sound so dismissive.  “Are you seriously being this fucking petty right now? You could die out there,” Ymir, however, fully intended her venomous rhythm. She towers over you, if not just in her tone alone. “You’re being stupid. You know you're not strong enough to fight with that squad.” Your breath hitches in your throat. Ymir regrets her words immediately, but she doesn’t waver in her stance. “What the fuck is your problem?” you sneer. “You insist on how little you care about me, but as soon as I do anything without your permission you yell at me?”  “That’s not what this is about, (y/n)-”  “Then what is it about, Ymir? Why are you so scared?”  “I don't give a shit about what happens to you! I'm just-” Ymir catches herself before she can finish her sentence. “No, I-”  “Exactly,” before she can correct herself, though, you are biting y our lip the way you do when you're biting back tears and you are in front of her. “Move. I need to go to bed.” 

She is wordless as she steps to the side and allowing you to pass her. It isn't until she hears your footsteps down the hall when she speaks. 

“If you come back, I won’t be here.” She hears you stop. Ymir doesn't expect you to come running to her, arms open and folded clothing discarded into a pile on the hallway floor. She isn't entirely sure why she's digging such a hole for herself - she doesn't mean what she's saying - of course she doesn't, she adores you, so why is she so set on pushing you as far away as she possibly can? Why does she feel that she needs to?  “Good.” you reply. The footsteps continue, then you are gone.

You are gone for three days. 

Ymir, at first, didn’t count the hours.  She stewed in her angst alone for a grand portion of the morning without you; she dutifully avoided talking about whatever mission you had left for at the table that morning. 

Despite herself, Ymir had to eventually confront her weakness after the third consecutive “Are you okay?” Of that day that she wasn’t doing as good of a job of hiding her worry as she had thought. 

She thought she didn’t seem too bothered when your name was mentioned at the breakfast table. 

She thought she didn’t look too obviously intrigued when, 30 hours since you left (she swore she hadn’t counted), she heard Captain Levi murmur something about a retrieval squad. She thought she didn’t sound so desperate when she attempted to bring it casually up in conversation, yet she couldn’t fight the cracks in her voice and she couldn’t stop herself from wringing her hands over her wrists in worry when she thought nobody was looking. Helplessness went from being a stranger to a thorn at her side in a matter of hours.

It had been the dawn of the fourth day when Ymir was awoken by a creek by her door. She remained stiff as she listened to light footsteps approach her bed, but she softens when she hears you. When she sat up, unsure of whether you were actually there or if she had just been consumed by grief and began to hallucinate, you winced. 

She blinks. 

There are no words exchanged. Ymir debates speaking, though her body moves before she can and, in minutes, you are sat in the bathroom and she is kneeling in front of you.

Ymir isn’t certain (it seems like she hadn’t been certain about anything at all for the past week) why she wasn’t crying. She isn’t sure why she’s so terrified to touch you, or to speak, or to maintain eye contact for longer than a millisecond. 

You were in frightening shape. Had she not been petrified to talk, Ymir would be swearing under each breath.  Blood still seeped from your open wounds, cascading in small, splitting rivers of crimson down the side of your face. It had likely been far too long since you had fought any kind of titan, Ymir thought. Their blood would've been long since steamed. It was your blood. You must have noticed her hesitance as she wiped it, gently, dreading that she would uncover another wound, because you broke the abundant, pregnant stillness

“They lost two scouts.” “Oh.” Ymir responds. An unfamiliar feeling settles uncomfortably in her gut. “I’m sorry.” You nod, then you are silent again. 

Ymir takes a moment to resume her conscientious work. 

There is no obligation between either of you to say anything more. Your eyes are fixed downward, resting heavily on Ymir as she squints at the cap of some kind of disinfectant. She’s biting her tongue.  “I didn’t mean anything I said,” Ymir spoke to you suddenly and without looking you in the eyes. You’re thankful because it told you that you weren’t the only one too frightened to do so. “I do give a shit about what happens to you,” You laugh insignificantly, shaking your head. “I thought you died. I thought I lost you and the last things I said to you was that I wouldn’t be here, but I will. I’ll always be here.” She is desperate, rambling until she realises it and lulls herself. 

You would say something dismissively comforting had it not been for the silence Ymir’s hand brought as it raised to your cheek and gently brushed a stray tear away. It is so small and trifling, yet it is gracious and fragile and kind and it means the universe to you. 

“I know,” you respond.  You don’t need to hear a long-drawn, significant plea. You don’t need it because, truthfully, you knew you likely wouldn’t get it from Ymir in the first place.  However, as she guides you gently back into her bed, engulfing you in the white sheets, and places a small kiss on your forehead, something settles within you. 

It was a feeling one would associate with the moments after receiving an apology; it is warm, tender, relieving. 

You were home. You were safe. 

You were loved. 

Although she hadn’t said it, it wasn’t needed, because as Ymir’s arms tighten around you, you certainly felt it enough to maintain a sleepy smile as you drifted off alongside her.

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

[corruptedconfessions]

Dragon!Kirishima

Day 7!

Warnings: Oviposition

ngl im not to happy with this one but writing 1k+ fics everyday is wearing on mee

It’s a gender-neutral reader this time~ tomorrow will be gender-neutral as welll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dragon!Kirishima “Humans are such needy creatures. Why would you need to talk to anyone except me!”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Humans are such needy creatures. Why would you need to talk to anyone except me!”

You were sat ontop of the dragon, one leg on either side of his torso as his clawed hands dragged across your bare body, sliding up your sides before grabbing your chest, his thumbs rubbed across your nipples as he squeezed your breasts so hard it hurt.

“K-kiri-”

You were immediately cut off by the shifter, who squirmed irritability underneath you, wings flapping in frustration as he settled down again. It wasn’t often you saw your mate in half shifted form, not fully dragon, but not as humanoid as he could be. His horns sprouted from his head, his entire body covered with patches of hard scales, his finger and toenails had turned into claws. You had fucked up big time…

“I get you humans usually stay attached to your original nest mates but you don’t need them! I’m your mate! None of them should be laying their eyes on you…”

His voice cut off into a deep angry growl, his eyes briefly turning into slits before melting back into the circles that you were use to. You had no idea that leaving for less than an hour to see your mom would be such a big deal. You frowned softly down at him as his hands instead slid down to your hips, tracing shapes into the skin their as he scowled angrily at the wall.

“Kiri, im sorry…I just missed my family. I should’ve asked you first…I-”

You hesitated cutting off the ‘ill ask you next time’ you were about to add, eyes sliding over to the shredded remains of your clothes, the only ones you had. You had a feeling that there would be no ‘next time’. Your gaze turned back to the dragon, tensing up when you found a serious look on his face as he stared at you.

“K-kiri?”

“You missed your family…”

You blinked at him in confusion, squirming uncomfortably ontop of him, squeaking when his grip on you tightened.

“Humans…usually live in packs.”

“W-what- I mean- I guess so? Kiri what are you talking about?”

You frowned worriedly down at him, not liking the spark in his eye as he started to grin up at you. He had had that look when he first took you, he had that look when the two of you had mated, and it was that same look he made whenever he had an idea you knew you would be forced to go along with.

“You humans are so…needy. You need other humans, that’s why you left! Because you needed to see your old pack!”

You frowned down at him, more and more confused by the second. So he understood then? You wouldn’t call your family and village a pack, but you also took awhile to understand what mate meant…

“Yeah?”

“So if there is a pack here, you won’t need to leave!”

You blinked down at him, trying to understand what the hell he meant by that, but found yourself pulling up a blank. You frowned softly at him as he practically glowed in excitement up at you.

“It’ll take me a few days to get them all ready, and of course we’ll need to stock up on food and water for you…Oh! I bet you’ll want more blankets!”

You slid back slightly, settling yourself on his lap at the dragon sat up, chirping in excitement as he rambled away, arms wrapping around you as he pulled you close to his chest.

“Oh, Isn’t this just so exciting, pebble?”

“U-uh…yeah.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to dampen the excitement that was practically rolling off him in waves. Even if you could, you would much rather deal with an over excited dragon than go back to the angry one that would probably end with a village or two being burned to the ground. You convinced him to stop eating humans, but killing them was a harder task, especially when your normally cool tempered dragon got angry.

Still, you couldn’t help the nervous squeeze in your chest when he grinned and hugged you tight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

Several weeks had passed since then, and part of you had forgotten about the strange incident. You had settled into your new normal of your dragon mate coming back home with armfuls of quilts and blankets, silk embroidered pillows, and other strange things that you didn’t even bother asking where he had stolen them from. When you had first told him to take them back he had given you the most offended stare you’d ever seen, and then started hording and bringing home even softer and more expensive items. You hadn’t bothered to bug him about it again, and he seemed pleased, apparently thinking that the quality of the blankets was the issue and he had now passed your test.

And then there was the constant hovering. Sure, Kirishima had always been extremely worried about you, almost too aware of how fragile you were compared to him, but in the past few weeks that seemed to be put into overdrive. Most of the time you were trapped to the nest of blankets that he had made, being pushed down with soft coos of ‘needing your rest’ every time you tried to get up. Not that you could fight him too much, you were so comfortable you hardly wanted to get up anymore. Especially when when you did you had a dragon practically breathing down your neck, walking so close to you that you had tripped over him several times, leading to panicked chirps and whines as you were immediately taken back to the nest and coddled for the rest of the day and into the next morning.

Overall you had just accepted this new behavior as the new normal and rolled with it, nearly forgetting his comments about packs and his endless excitement, at least until you were jostled awake in the morning by your dragon practically jumping on top of you, back in his half shifted form as his tail wagged so hard it thumped against the side of the nest rapidly.

“Kiri…”

You grumbled up at him softly, still half asleep and very tempted to ignore the ball of sun sat ontop of you. More often than not he woke you up for stupid reasons and you were ready to smack him despite knowing hitting his stone hard muscles would hurt you more than it hurt him.

“They’re ready!”

“What’s ready…”

“Our eggs!”

You had been half falling asleep again, eyes slowly drifting closed, but that caught your attention. You snapped awake, staring at him in completely confusion. Eggs?

“Our…what?”

You didn’t think it was possible but his grin got wider, showing off his sharp teeth as he practically purred down at you, tail wagging even harder as his wings fluttered in excitement.

“Our eggs! The ones im going to put inside you!”

You sputtered up at the redhead as he hooked his arms around you, pulling you up to sit ontop of him as he fell onto his back, melting into the curved edge of the nest. Your hands fell to his chest, holding yourself up as you stared down at him, mouth open in shock.

“You said you missed your pack! So we’ll make our own pack.”

“I-I-”

You were lovingly shushed as he grinned up at you, clawed hands wrapping around your hips as he ground up against you, cock bumping against you gently.

“It’s okay~ I’ll take care of it all!”

You stumbled over some weak complaints, but you knew it was too late, there was nothing you could do but ride this out. Is that why he had been acting so weird? He had been making eggs to put inside of you?

You squirmed squeaking softly, grabbing onto his shoulders instead as he lifted you just enough to rub his cock against your entrance, the slick pouring from the tip slicking the way as you were slowly lowered down onto his cock, gasping at the burn of the stretch.

“S-slow down!”

You gasped weakly whimpering at him, thighs clamping down around his hips once you were fully lowered down, preventing him from moving at all as he snarled, grinding up into you.

“Can’t! Need to…Breed!”

Your breath stuttered, thighs clamping down harder around him when he kept swelling, stretching you further. You trembled and whimpered down at him, about to complain further when you felt it.

You could feel it, Kirishima’s cock pushed deeper, nudging hard inside you before being followed by something thick. It stretched you further than before, sliding past your walls, deeper and deeper before it finally popped inside of you, several gushes of cum following it as it settled inside you.

You were left groaning, shaking and gasping for air as that egg was followed by another and then another, each one grinding slowly past your sweet spot before falling into the place with the other. Every single one was cushioned, the gaps between them being filled with hot cum. You trembled, feeling fuzzy and weak, everything felt distant from you, when you looked down you saw Kirishima, lips curled back into a snarl, the claws on his toes shredding through the blankets of the nest as he rocked up hard into you, pushing the eggs through. You swore he was growling, snarling up at you, lips moving but you couldn’t hear anything past the ringing in your head. Pleasure filled you, muffling all your senses.

 All you could focus on was the grind of each egg against one another, the sweet drag of each egg across that little bundle of nerves inside of you. You weren’t sure how many there were, enough that your belly swelled slightly, a round bump forming and growing with every new addition.

You stayed like that, drunk of pleasure, hazy and pliant, stretched around his cock as you were stuffed completely full, stomach swollen and heavy, cum starting to drip out of your abused hole as your dragon snarled, gnashing his teeth as he pushed the last one into place.

“Pebble?”

You blinked blearily down at the dragon who was frowning up at you as your hand reached up to rub over your swollen belly. Red eyes stared up at you for a few moments before a bright grin crossed his face, his dragon features starting to melt away into his more human ones as he lifted you up, laying you on your back, tucked safely into the unstained part of the nest.

“You’re so cute, pebble~”

You shuttered weakly as he nuzzled you, nuzzling back slightly as you clamped down and squeezed your legs shut to prevent the eggs from coming out too as you nuzzled down into the nest, sleepily closing your eyes as you rested a hand on your stomach. You could still feel Kirishima’s eyes on you but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, eyes slipping shut as you drifted off to sleep.

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

[jaeminzie]

swimming pools | n.jm

↳ na jaemin x gender neutral!reader

synopsis: fwb!jaemin boldly confesses his true feelings for you, slightly drunk on alcohol and drunk on you.

genre: fluff fluff

word count: 2,078

warnings: small mentions of sex

another friday night of partying— a way to destress but the music bounced on the walls so powerfully that it made difficult to stay in the room, making your head ache. you gulped your drink and informed your friends who were currently dancing without a care in the world that you’ll be down at the basement where it was peaceful. the basement wasn’t far at all but the amount of sweaty bodies you had to squeeze through felt infinite. you made it though. sluggishly walking down the stairs and examining the room, and to your surprise— jaemin was seated at the kitchen island with no one but a beer in his hand with his head down. furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, jaemin wasn’t the type to be all alone during a party. he had way too many friends to be alone.

you moved towards the fridge placed in front of the island and grabbed yourself a cold beer, then taking a seat in front of jaemin. when he heard the stool chair squeak and your beer can open, he lifted his head and his eyes softened at the sight of you and your slightly glowing face from the alcohol you’ve consumed so far. nodding his head to you, “y/n, what’s up?”

“needed a break up there, i’m too exhausted.” you sighed and began drinking your beer, groaning at the bitter taste. “what’s up with you?”

“just...” he paused to take a sip and also sighed. “i heard there’s a swimming pool here.”

your eyes lit up in amusement with a smirk forming on your face. “that’s cool. but what are you implying, jaemin?”

“parties are getting so boring, let’s go do something else.” he chugged his beer and slid it away from him.

“jaem, i’m not really down to fuck tonight. i’m too exhaus-“

“y/nnn, i won’t pull anything on you tonight, i just wanna get out of here. don’t worry.” he gave you a reassuring smile and you felt your chest tighten. the alcohol has started taking an effect on you.

you weren’t sure if you trusted yourself to be with jaemin, your fuck buddy who you may or may not have feelings for, intoxicated. yet, you still said, “me too, let’s go.” chugging your beer to the last drop then shooting it into the trash and jumping off of the stool, jaemin doing the same with a big smile on his face that warmed your heart. but a sting of pain followed the comforting feeling when you remembered that your relationship with each other is only physical.

worsening the sting, jaemin took your hand and hurriedly dragged you up the stairs, past all the bodies, and out of the back door. he didn’t let go when you two were fully outside feeling the cold night breeze.

the awkward tension was unbearable, jaemin was kicking rocks and your hands were clamming up as you walked your way towards the isolated swimming pool all the way at the back of the backyard. the walk there felt like an eternity and the whole time, jaemin never let go of your hand but you tried your hardest not to think too much about it.

noticing the long period of silence, jaemin squeezed your hand and giggled. cute. “are you good?” he looked down on you with a smile. “you seem so off lately, even yesterday when i was blowing your back ou-“

“don’t! even finish that sentence.” he immediately shut his mouth and raised the hand that wasn’t gripping yours up in surrender while nodding. “school was tough this week, maybe that’s why.” technically, you weren’t lying. though, your behavior is also caused by the annoyingly unavoidable feelings you have for jaemin.

“hmm,” he nodded and absentmindedly rubbed your hand with his thumb which drove your heart to beat three times faster. “you sure that’s it?”

“yeah, what else would there be?” you tried your best to keep your voice in the same octave to avoid showing your nervousness.

“nah, just making sure.” he finally let go of your hand when your feet met the cobblestone that led to the edge of the pool. he stood right by the edge and signaled you to come stand next to him, and you did.

“you have extra clothes?” you questioned him, but your question was answered when you watched him undress himself until he was only in his boxers, then folding his clothes neatly and placed them on a beach chair. you’ve seen jaemin’s bare body multiple times and every time, you always had your breath taken away.

“nope,” he popped his ‘p’ and smiled at you before canon-balling into the pool making a loud noise and splashing water on you in the process. “come in, angel. it’s cold in here and i need you to warm me up.” jaemin does not know what he’s doing to your heart, or so you thought.

your hands began undressing yourself and followed the same actions jaemin did just moments ago. but instead of jumping into the water, you decided to just slowly dip your body into the cold water that instantly made you shiver. though, jaemin immediately swam towards you to wrap his toned arms around you in an attempt to warm your bodies up even just a little bit.

physical affection wasn’t a big deal for you both, but you always have to remind yourself that there isn’t any feelings involved to spare yourself some trouble. though, it was too late for that. “this is really nice,” jaemin spoke in a soft voice and his hands began caressing your back.

before you could reply, jaemin grabbed your hands and forced your body to swim along with him, still keeping the bright smile on his face. “you’re still tensed, y/n. it’s friday, you can relax now. please?” his eyes were pleading you to let yourself enjoy this moment. his puppy eyes worked effectively since your muscles began to loosen and a small smile appeared on your face which made jaemin’s big smile even wider.

you nodded and began to swim freely, straying away too far for jaemin’s liking which made him follow you around like a puppy. “stop!” you laughed at him and splashed water at his face. “let me be!” while in reality, you actually wanted him to continue what he was doing and possibly grab onto you like there’s no tomorrow. but of course, you couldn’t say that for the sake of your ‘partnership’ with one another.

“angel, you’re always so rude to me.” he teased back and did what you wanted, he eventually caught up to you and embraced you in a back hug while you two were letting out giggles sounding like little children.

your heart fluttered when he rested his dripping chin on your shoulder and placed delicate kisses on your neck. you were so close to giving in, but you could not take the strained feeling in your heart anymore. sternly, you told him “jaemin please.”

his kissing stopped but he kept his embrace just as tight as before. “i’m sorry. you just look so pretty tonight.” he mumbled against your shoulder blade, then turning you around to make you face him.

“it’s okay,” your voice was fragile and your eyes avoided his, but he desperately wanted you to look at him and notice that he wants you just as much as you want him. possibly even more. you thought of all the excuses in the world to get yourself out of this situation before the alcohol says something your sober self would regret, “i should be home early, i have somewhere to be tomorrow.”

you managed to get out of his hold and swim towards the edge of the pool, hearing the boy sigh behind you. “y/n, you’re really bad at lying. you never have plans on saturdays.” he begins to swim behind you and stopped when he was floating beside you closely. “i would know because we spend every saturday together.” he nudged your shoulder softly, giving you a reminder that both of you cleared majority of your saturdays so just you can do your sensual activities at his house.

you turned to him expecting to see his infamous smirk that you hated so much (but fell for). though, you were met with a frown and pleading eyes of the boy who was pulling you closer. this time with a tighter grip, not wanting to let you go.

“you’re really oblivious, aren’t you.” he laughed softly but his eyes weren’t bright like how they were a couple minutes ago.

you pulled him closer to you making your chest rest against each other because you were currently too exhausted to even try to talk your way out of this. in the end, jaemin will get you to stay and you both knew that. with a sigh, you replied with “just let me be.”

it has been such a long night for you, you just had to rest your head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat made you breathe more calmly. jaemin’s right hand went straight to the back of your head to stroke your hair while his left arm maneuvered your arms making them embrace his waist.

“i like you... too?” the first words sounded very confident but the last word was a completely different tone, making you smile tiredly. “i mean, you do like me right? or am i just assuming? fuck, sorry this is so awkward.” his heartbeat became unsteady and rapid against your ear, you began to shush him so he can stop rambling.

“i like you too, but-“

“but what? i don’t see anything wrong,” he cupped your face and made you make eye contact with his shimmering eyes. you melted at the sight of his desperate face, he was glowing due to the reflection of the pool, the moonlight, and the alcohol. you were too busy admiring his face to even respond, and jaemin seemed to notice. “please say something.”

you blink your eyes multiple times getting your focus back, “something could go wrong, jaem. i don’t want to ruin it, but i always do. that’s why i wanted a fuck buddy in the first place, i’m not suited for a relationship.” it pained you to tell that to him but you had to be truthful. you wanted to look away so badly but jaemin’s hands kept your face in place right in front of his own dangerously close.

shaking his head, “i’ll help you. i’m not gonna give up easily and you know that. i’ll be here to help you through everything, y/n. please?”

how could anyone say no to him? you wanted to turn him down so badly but you knew you’d regret it if you did. there was only a possibility of you hurting him in the end if you say ‘yes’, but saying ‘no’ without trying would hurt him no matter what. you pulled his hands away from your face and pulled him towards you so you can rest your forehead on his. “okay.”

he closed his eyes and sighed in relief, a smile shortly followed. “i promise you, you’ll do amazing. anything you’ll do, i’ll be happy. can i kiss you?”

you giggled at him, the strained feeling in your chest was finally released and was replaced with a sense of warmth, making you forget the cold water that was causing goosebumps to form on your skin. you nodded for barely a second before jaemin softly pressed his lips into yours.

the two of you have shared many kisses in the past, but this one was something that you both haven’t felt before. the fire was ignited and you were not trying to put it out like how you used to. this time, you can finally show how much you wanted him but not for his body, but for his love. you could feel jaemin’s excitement through the motions of his lips, yet he made sure to be gentle with you making sure you feel his genuine admiration towards you through his actions. finally, you could breathe around him and you could stop neglecting your strong feelings towards the boy. jaemin was relieved when he felt your body relax and melt into his arms, feeling accomplished that he’s finally made you feel confident enough to be with him.

the kissing stopped but you two remained in each other’s arms, not wanting to let go as you felt too safe in one another’s embrace after silently yearning to have the type of relationship you both truly wanted for so long.

[we-love-imagines]

Little Secret

Valentine’s Event: Happy Valentine’s Day!

Prompt: Kakyoin + Tattoos

Ao3 Link

Author’s Note: Hey guys! Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you’ve enjoyed my little fic collection over this past week, it was so much fun to write! I’d like to thank @magthemage for beta reading all these stories! Go read her stuff, she’s awesome!

This story in particular is an everyone lives! au, where you are a former Stardust Crusader, and you, Kakyoin, and Jotaro are all college students who enroll in an American University and share an apartment. Also, while the reader is gender-neutral, I did say they were smaller than the rest of the crusaders... sorry if you’re a beefcake! There’s also the tiniest bit of suggestiveness, but no actual nsfw. Everyone in this fic is aged up to be over 21, and please drink responsibly! Enjoy!

“Kakyoin!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arm around your sober friend’s shoulder, “C’mon, it’ll be so cool!”

“Yeah, we can all get ‘em in the same spot too! It’ll be so rad! C’mon, even Jotaro is down!” Polnareff slurred from the other side of the table, motioning to Jotaro who only gave a solemn thumbs up.

“We are not getting matching tattoos,” Kakyoin deadpanned, getting tired of all his companion’s drunk antics. It’s funny- after defeating Dio, he thought all his troubles were over. But, because the injuries he got in Egypt rendered him unable to drink, he was forever doomed to be the designated driver.

Unluckily for him, this was a rowdy group to handle.

“Kakyoin,” Mr.Joestar placed a hand on his shoulder, brushing you off of him, “We’ll even let you pick. It’s not as cool if we don’t all get one.”

“You’re all wasted,” he chuckled, looking at how all of his friends swayed, red in the face, letting the conversation wander aimlessly after way too many shots. After you all defeated Dio, you made it a tradition to meet up and celebrate the bastard’s death by getting as plastered as possible. While you still saw the others fairly regularly, seeing as you, Jotaro, and Kakyoin became roommates after high school, it was nice to have the others fly in to see everyone again.

Kakyoin watched as Jotaro and Avdol sat in silence, the former’s signature cap pulled over his eyes. They were subdued drunks, getting all quiet when under the influence. Kakyoin noticed how Avdol would turn a tad introspective after a few shots, abruptly bringing up thought-provoking questions like “Do Stands Dream?” or “Where do the clouds go after they roll by?” Jotaro, on the other hand, tended to mellow out. His short fuse stretched out a bit when he was drunk, and for once, he could take a joke.

Polnareff and Joseph, on the other hand, embodied pure chaos. Joseph would always try to instigate things: karaoke, bar fights, getting matching tattoos, and Polnareff would sing his praises and go along with all of his crazy schemes. Somehow, the Frenchman would get even louder, barking for the bartender to bring him more shots so he could out-drink everyone in the building.

Then, there was you. While you could certainly hold your booze better than others of your stature, you were no match for the hulking giants that were your fellow crusaders. So, while you kept pace with them while you were drinking, you would get shit-faced before they were feeling the slightest bit buzzed. While you were usually pretty fun and adventurous, the alcohol in your system turned that up to eleven, making you down for anything and everything.

“Wouldn’t it be so cool to get something together?” You grinned to Kakyoin, eyes wide with excitement, “To show how close we are after everything that happened, Jotaro?”

“You’re talking to Kakyoin, (Y/n),” he sighed, calling the bartender over for the bill. You had all had more than enough for the night.

“Then why are you wearing that funny hat, hm?” You said, flicking Kakyoin’s pronounced bang with a giggle. You were trashed. Kakyoin thought about your impending wrath tomorrow, and having to deal with a hangover for the ages.

“What would we get for a tattoo? Dio’s name?” Polnareff asked the group, sitting back in the booth seat. Jotaro, with surprisingly little bite in his voice, grumbled and shook his head.

“I’m not getting that asshole’s name anywhere on my body.”

“Y’know that picture we took? When we first got to Egypt?” Joseph spoke up, “We could all get that across our backs!”

“That’s way too complex!” Polnareff protested with a smile. You got everyone’s attention when you slapped your hands down on the table with a thundering ‘boom.’

“Guys,” you beamed, pure excitement in your voice, “Iggy. Tramp. Stamps.”

The table fell silent as everybody stared at you blankly. For a moment, Kakyoin thought everyone would laugh at your silly idea. That was the tackiest tattoo anyone has ever thought up!

Polnareff, with a look as serious as death, gave a resounding “Hell yeah!”

After that, all hell broke loose, as even the more subdued members of the group went along with the idea. It was agreed that Iggy, who Polnareff took in after everything went down, would get a collar with his own face on it in solidarity. Despite the risqué location, everyone seemed pumped to get matching tramp stamps of the world’s grumpiest Boston Terrier. Even Jotaro was nodding along as the more vocal members rambled on and on.

“Okay, it’s time to go,” Kakyoin shouted over the group, causing the uproar to die down for a moment, “I’m driving, let’s get in the car.”

“Oh my gosh, he’s doing it,” you cheered, wrapping Kakyoin in a tight, powerful hug, “Kakyoin’s gonna drive us to the tattoo parlor!”

The others broke out in celebration, high-fiving each other as they readied themselves to get all inked-up. The bartender gave Kakyoin a sorry look as he herded everyone into his car, having to walk you there the whole way as you stumbled through the parking lot.

It seemed that everyone felt dizzy as they stood up from their seats, and while Polnareff and Joseph were still a little talkative, the car’s atmosphere was a lot more relaxed than the bar’s. Kakyoin had done this drive a few times before, having to calm down his former travel companions after a hearty night of drinking, so he had it down to a science. Putting a CD labeled “Joseph had a Crazy Idea -Mix” into the player, Kakyoin drove around the block a few times, waiting patiently for the conversation to die down.

Soon enough, the car fell silent as everyone stooped into a drunken haze, bodies limp in their seats as they nearly dozed off to sleep. However, you were buckled into the passenger’s seat, lightly snoring as you drifted into dreamland. Just as expected.

As Kakyoin slowly dropped off the various men at their hotels, who had forgotten about their planned misadventure in their intoxicated stupor, he found himself smiling at your sleeping form as you wormed around in your seat. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have feelings for you- he knew he did all the way back when you two were teenagers, when you saved him from certain death at Dio’s hand- and seeing you like this always warmed his heart. You were a battle-hardened badass like the rest of them, having seen Dio’s horrors at an age that was simply too young for comfort; but here you were, sleeping peacefully with the giddiest look on your face imaginable.

Sometimes, being your roommate was hard. He knew you were so close, that he could just walk over to your room and confess his ever-growing feelings for you whenever he wanted, that one day he could share a bed with this sleeping angel right next to him. It was on days like this that he realized why he liked you so much: you were kind, cute, and a lot more fun then he was.

Pulling up to your apartment, Jotaro slowly made his way out of the backseat, not even giving Kakyoin a passing glance as he went into the apartment. Leaving Kakyoin to deal with your passed out form, the red-head sighed, unbuckling your seatbelt as he pulled your from the car. He carried you up a flight of stairs, careful not to let you stir, using Hierophant to open the apartment’s door.

Jotaro looked dead, passed out face-down on the couch. Kakyoin rolled his eyes as Hierophant pulled a blanket over his friend- he’d be a pleasure to deal with in the morning. 

“Jotaro,” you giggled out, taking Kakyoin by surprise as you lightly flicked his bang around, “Are we at the tattoo parlor yet?”

Kakyoin quickly tried to shush you, rushing into your room so as to not wake your more aggressive roommate, “No, (Y/n), I’m Kakyoin.”

“Jotaro,” you repeated, much to Kakyoin’s sober displeasure, “Do you think Kakyoin is gonna get the tattoo?”

“I don’t think so, you should try and get some rest,” he whispered to you, setting you down on your bed. He helped you take off your shoes, and despite being in full dress, you make yourself cozy under the covers.

“That’s too bad,” you sighed dramatically, looking up at him through blurry vision, “I was hoping I could see his ass while he got his tattoo. You know how much I like his butt!”

Taken back by your comment, Kakyoin couldn’t stop the hearty laugh that slipped through his lips. He knew he shouldn’t press this topic further, but he was so amused he couldn’t help himself.

“You like Kakyoin’s ass, huh?”

“Duh!” you laughed along with the man, despite not knowing what ‘Jotaro’ found so funny, “Have you seen him in that one pair of skinny jeans he owns? Hot Damn!”

Kakyoin started laughing even harder, wishing he could record this conversation and show it to you later. You’d probably kill him, but this was a nice treat after a long night of dealing with a hollering group of drunken idiots. However, he couldn’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy at your words- did you really find him attractive? It felt really nice to be thought of that way, especially by you.

“I think that ass is made of pure boyfriend material, if you ask me,” you snorted, taking Kakyoin completely by surprise, “Jojo, I know you tell me to just man-up and ask him out, but I don’t wanna scare him away. If he doesn’t like me anymore, he won’t take me to get tattoos!”

Kakyoin froze, trying to process everything he just heard. While cheesy, he never wanted to forget that ‘boyfriend material’ line, or the way your voice softened while you spoke about him. He was in awe of the fact that you had feelings for him- feelings so strong that they had to be confided in Jotaro- and how you feared that he wouldn’t be interested. The red-head was puzzled by your doubts. How could someone as wonderful as you ever not be enough? How could you ever think he didn’t return your feelings? Sometimes, he felt like his feelings were obvious- but, here he was, standing before you as you wearily blinked up at him, eyelids becoming heavy.

“Shhhhh, don’t tell him!” You yawned, weakly dragging your finger over his lips, “Wake me when we get to the tattoo parlor...”

Kakyoin watched your head clunk down onto the pillow, and you were out like a light. After tucking you in, he left the room feeling a little guilty; that was obviously a secret you didn’t want him to hear. However, at the same time, he was over the moon. The person he had admired for years was suddenly in his grasp, finally attainable after years and years of silent pining. 

Before he went to bed, Kakyoin made a point to pull his skinny jeans from his closet, laying them out on top of his dresser. He’d be needing them for tomorrow- he wanted his ass to look good while he asked you out, is all.

[hard-boiled-criminal]

Venus Ambassador - 1

Loki x gender neutral reader

Loki tv spoilers

Prologue

You could feel your frustration build as you read through a court hearing where the judge and the defendant just kept going in circles, repeating themselves over and over and you were sick of it.

With a groan, you tossed it back on to the desk and leaned back in your chair, massaging your temples to try and soothe your growing headache.

‘I wasn’t made for all this legal shit,’ you thought, frustrated and annoyed. ‘Couldn’t they have, I don’t know, spiced it up a bit for me at least? All I’m asking for is maybe some more information on these different worlds and species. It’d be good to know what the heck a Daijiq is, not about how “x did this and altered the timeline so we gotta dust ‘em” and all that boring bullshit. They’re just having me read the court transcripts and write documents about how my dimension works. Not to mention making me watch that Hanna-Barbera-esque cartoon and then quizzing me on it.’

With another groan of mental pain you slouched back forward.

“You know what? Maybe I just need a (tea/coffee) break. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

You stand up from your chair and stretch, groaning as your bones and muscles protest at moving after being idle for so long. Thankfully, you were able to easily convince the TVA to provide you with a (tea/coffee) maker, which now sat and a small table in the corner of the room. You purposely placed it in the corner furthest away from your desk so that you’d be forced to get up and stretch your legs every so often, lest your muscles waste away into nothingness.

As your beverage was brewing, two knocks rapped at your office door. Before you could respond, they let themselves in. They held up a manilla folder and gave you a nod.

“New variant case.”

“Thanks.”

They placed the folder on your desk and promptly left. It seems neither you nor the TVA were still quite used to each other’s presence, despite you being here for a month already. You couldn’t really blame them. Afterall, your dimension’s inner workings completely went against their own and their ideals.

With a sigh, ‘more paperwork. Great,’ you head back to your desk with your piping hot drink. Not wanting to pick up that dreadfully boring court transcript you were reading, you decided you might as well take a look at the new file.

You take a sip of your drink as you open the file and gasp, accidentally letting in too much of the almost-boiling drink. You immediately start coughing and sputtering, and your tongue is definitely burned. After your coughing fit subsides, you rub your eyes and look at the file again in disbelief. You had only learned that this was the TVA in the Marvel Cinematic Universe last week; you weren’t expecting one of the characters to be here as a variant so soon!

Loki.

Drink forgotten on the desk, you grab the file and rush out of the room. You couldn’t let your anxiety take over now, not when you had the chance to meet the Loki. If we were talking about problematic favorites, then they were number one on the list. ‘I mean, they’re a villain and they’re hot. What was I supposed to do? Not simp over them?’ You knew Loki would be here eventually, having seen the trailers for the tv show, but when you arrived here, you had no idea what point of the timeline you were at. The show hadn’t aired yet, so you have no idea what’s to come. That thought makes you both nervous and excited.

It doesn’t take you long to reach the circulation desk. You hand the file to the person sitting there, and a bit out of breath you ask, “that variant… where are they?”

They give you a strange look before looking through their own files. “It looks like they are currently with Agent Mobius in Time Theater A, floor 2WE.”

“Thank you,” you hurriedly grab the file and speed-walk to the elevator. You’re not about to risk running through halls filled with armed TVA that could vaporize you with a single tap from their zappy sticks, especially since it seemed many of them didn’t quite like you. Luckily, there’s an elevator close by and you get there quickly, waiting for it to come to your floor after hitting the button. As soon as you confirm the elevator is empty after the doors open, you rush in and hit the button labelled ‘2WE.’ Now stuck with nothing to do but wait, your mind finally has a chance to catch you up on all the anxiety you forgot about—all those doubts that started to build up, wondering if this was a good idea. You start to pace around the small space as nerves get the better of you, nearly jumping out of your skin when the elevator dings and the doors slide open. There’re people rushing about, like always, and you do your best to squeeze past them to Time Theater A.

You slip through the theater doors as quickly as possible, letting out a quick sigh of relief as soon as you’re out of the crowd. You look up, and there he is, sitting on the steps to your left, face in hands and tesseract beside him.

He looks so… lost.

“Um, are you okay?” You asked without thinking, immediately berating yourself in your head. ‘Stupid! Of course, he’s not okay! They just got kidnapped by the TVA and now look at them! He looks so… despaired? Unsure? Like everything he thought he knew was a lie? Again?!’

He glances up at you, slightly lifting his head out of his hands and raises an eyebrow.

You stand there awkwardly for a couple seconds, not quite sure what to do. ‘They seem like a tea person; I should’ve brought tea… wait, shit, I don’t have a thermos. There’s no way I could bring some tea all the way down here without spilling it all over myself and—okay, you know what. Fuck it,’ you leave all caution to the wind and walk over to him, sitting on the steps to his left.

“…that was a stupid question, wasn’t it?” you said, letting out a single self-deprecating huff of laughter. A moment of silence passed between the two of you. You take a deep breath. “It’s okay to feel things, you know. It’s also okay to let others see that you feel things. I know that it’s hard, but sometimes it’s easier with a stranger. So, if you want to, you can…vent? Fuck, sorry, I can’t think of the other word for it, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with—actually, you know what, forget it, just forget I said anything at all and now I’m rambling and making a fool of myself—okay, deep breaths.”

You felt absolutely mortified. He you were, tiny insignificant mortal you, trying to comfort a literal deity who you may or may not simp for and making a complete fool of yourself. This time, it’s your turn to bury your face in your hands. You want to scream in frustration at yourself, but there’s no way you’d do that in front of them. You peek at them between your fingers to see that he’s looking at you with confusion written on his face.

“Heheh… sorry about that. I tend to ramble a lot… especially when I don’t know what to do,” you take another deep breath and turn to look at them. “But where are my manners. I’m (y/n), nice to meet you—"

“Loki,” Agent Mobius cuts you off as he enters the room, wielding the phaser stick.

‘This… this is not a good situation right now, is it?’

Hey. I know some people (like myself) like to be added to the taglist so… if you wanna… lemme know and I’ll slap your name on it. Ok. So. I’m going to try to update this weekly as the episodes air. Maybe biweekly if I need to cut some chapters in half because they’re long and I wanna post what I’ve finished so far. But maybe, just maybe, as we get further into the series, I’ll drop some little omakes here and there, small fluffy interactions…