#sorry i got depressing on the dash LMAO

[sugucidal]

i cant tell if im losing my self identity or if im just depressed

[hailsatanacab]

me deciding whether or not to go to hospital for chest pains

[sacredpit]

kak did not celebrate his first halloween until after he was out of the hospital and was invited to a party with his newfound popularity at school. jotaro was also invited but i imagine he like never goes to anything he’s invited to but kak forces manages to convince him to come along and even though they keep to themselves the whole night, they have a lot of fun. despite kak having to explain his kitsune costume about a million times.

in his adulthood, he comes to love all the spooky festivities but his favorite part is giving candy to the kiddos for sure. and once he has kids of his own, he loves to take them out trick-or-treating while they’re still young — they make a lot of sweet (pun intended lol) memories and wear matching costumes, especially as they enter their power rangers phase. and once they get older and are too cool for that, he still enjoys helping them put together their costumes and lingering by with a smile as they sort through their candy with their friends.

[envy-of-the-apple]

That what if when ms. moon already has a family but has to leave because of him is so HEARTBREAKING. Imagine moving on from a tramatic situation, meeting the love of your life, having a wonderful kid for all that to just get squashed in a instant. That literally had me about to tear up but imagine her kid was a bit older lets say like 10 (i know the math doesnt add up well with the timeline but its a what if)and then she just has to leave, that alone would greatly negatively impact the kid, just leaving a lasting mark. Maybe the kid would remember gojo’s face and resent him for the rest of their life.

The husband thing is equally as sad because I imagine ms.moon as shes about to leave crying and whispering how much she loves him and that shes so sorry. (Bonus heartbreak points they all breakdown as shes about to leave and she cant even hug or kiss them goodbye because shes being watched). After this incident ms.moon’s pervious family completes spiral down the drain and moon’s mental state goes down the drain with it

In conclusion amazing story but that shit was sad as fuck but I still eat it up with silverware and all

(merging multiple SEM asks cuz i feel so guilty for clogging up ppls dashes lmao)

ughhhh anytime kids are involved it just gets way more depressing, right? It think age 8-10 is like the worst time for this to this to happen because the kid can understand little, but not enough to get the whole picture.

The kid knows that their mom is leaving, but they aren't seeing the wavering tears in Ms.moon's eyes, the shaky hands, as you hug them for the last time. All that they can see is the fancy new car your new lover sits in. The grand ring that sits on your finger. Yeah, your kid will hate gojo for ripping apart your family.

But they'll hate you more, considering you're running off with a man who has more money than their father.

I think the only upside is that gojo might not bat an eye if you send money back to your family, keeping them comfortable. With enough pleading, he might pull a few string to get your kid into a good school. With your indirect help, your kid will have the best education and prosperity. Them resenting you is a pretty small price to pay, right?

in the fic, the case took about three weeks, so it took three weeks for gojo to just snap.

He would definetly try to toy with ms.moon for as long as he can. Despite claiming that he forgave ms.moon, he does carry a tiny bit of resentment. It's kind of a punishment, in that sense.

And honestly the moment he figures out you who are, I doubt you'd have a chance to run anymore. The reason why Ms.moon was able to 'get away' the first time was because gojo was still a teenager, hier of the gojo conglomerate, but still not powerful yet. Now, he has tons of resources available for him. You're not getting away lmao, I think that's why he's so much at ease this time around.

I never really considered the family's response. their reactions is something I'm not really interested in exploring. i don't think they got any characterization other than 'housewife mom' and 'dad who works'. I don't really think ms.moon would even mention gojo's torment to them. It'd be embarrassing, knowing that some kid the same age as you is just lording over your life, right? I did mention that Gojo confronts your family in EKM, but I don't like that addition now, so I'm retconning it. I feel like they'd find out just like everyone else did: From the media. Everyone in your little town knew who the Gojo was, but the fact that their kid is getting married to one of them has so be surprising.

But then again, not something im interested in exploring

If Gojo had managed to find Ms. Moon before, things would certainly have been much different. The gojo now has 'cooled down' and is far less volatile. If they had met again, if they were in their early twenties....things would not be much different from his high school counterpart.

[babiebom]

When You Fall (VIII)

A/N: i got the sweetest message from someone(idk if they’d want me to call them out) and somehow it made me want to start on this chapter so I guess it literally just takes someone being nice for me to actually do something lmao. Also happy new year!! Also also whenever I’m writing one of these chapters and the tumblr notif shows up it jumpscares me. Like how do y’all know?

Tw: depression, reader decides to force themself to be happy, cursing. The usual

Wc:3.0k

Previous Next Masterlist

Sweat dripped from your forehead as you attempted to clear some of the farm from debris. It was taking long to clear everything, and though you knew that most of the land would be unused until you actually got enough money to plant more things and get a coop or barn.

Shadow ran around wildly, barking happily as she snapped her teeth at the air. It’s funny, watching her as she runs. Getting pets didn’t make being in a depressive pit completely go away, but they did make that pit less dark, less daunting and lonely. Mango lazed around on the porch, his tail slowly waving side to side as he watched you.

Sticking your rake into the ground and wiping the sweat again, you grin at your animals, letting out a labored breath. “Okay, so, I love you both very very much. And I’m sorry that I can’t take you but they’re hosting an Egg Festival in the town and I’m going.”

You move to sit on the porch, Shadow dashing to crash onto your lap. You open your arms and let her move her big body onto you with a roll. “And I swear I’m not going to enjoy being away from you both, but I have to go as part of my healing. I’ll be back soon.” Neither one of them did anything other than stare at you and then go about their own business as you get up and head inside to shower. Shadow trails behind you after a moment, her tail wagging so hard her butt wiggles along with it. You take one last glance at her as you finally get in the shower, hoping the day goes by quickly.

Walking into the town’s square, it’s like a decorating bomb went off. There are banners and decorative flags and other things littered around in a way that made you think whoever decorated spent way too long out here only for them to be messed up by the wind. There’s so many layers of tape that you feel irritated for whoever had to fix it.

“Farmer!” Pierre calls out from behind his booth. You want to ignore him, not really ready for social interaction but go over to him anyways. Forcing a smile onto your lips you lean on the booth counter, looking at the things he has stocked.

Some strawberry seeds, lawn flamingos, plants, a painting, a bright pink banner, a plush bunny, and a….decorative pitchfork? What kind of stock is this? What does this have to do with the egg festival? You blink a couple times and attempt to control the look on your face, maybe you could buy a couple of strawberry seeds. Even if you don’t plant them this season you can always wait. “Hey Pierre! Selling some good stuff?”

He smiles and moves his hand around, gesturing to his stock. “Yeah, looking to buy anything?”

“Sure…a couple strawberry seed packets…and that plush bunny.”

“It’s pretty cute huh? Okay that’ll be 2,500g.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. 2,500g? The man has to be insane! What the fuck costed so much that you were being charged this much? “Yeah, prices are a little steep. But I have to make a living somehow,” he chuckles when he sees your expression. You try hard to keep your face in check, not wanting to snap on the man in front of everyone. You were here to make progress, not to make enemies.

After giving him the money you take your new things and stuff them into your backpack. The letter said the festival ended at two, and looking at your watch it was only 9:30. That meant 4 and a half more hours of agony trying to force yourself out of a depressive pit that you aren’t really all too sure you’re ready to leave just yet for the sake of getting better.

Well, at least there’s food…

Hurrying along, the sight of the buffet table makes your mouth water. Not eating breakfast and working all morning in a large field without totally knowing what to do is a bad idea, but now that you’re looking at all the different types of food you can’t help but praise yourself for how lucky starving yourself got you. Now you can eat, then when you get home you can pass out and sleep until tomorrow. Like another rest day that feels like a reward after running around in the dirt.

As you fill your plate with food, you can see Gus and what’s his name…’Clive?’ You think to yourself, nose scrunching in confusion, ‘No, that's a stupid name. Carl? It has to be Carl…what other C names are there?’ In your thoughts you almost drop your plate and gain the attention of the two men, Gus smiles brightly and waves you over while the other man averts his eyes. Weird…

“Hey Gus!” You smile warmly at the older man. There was a twinge of stress in his eye, but it seemed rude to point that out to him. His eyes moved over the rows and rows of food and it occurs to you that he must have cooked almost everything himself being the Towns Saloon owner and all.

“Hey farmer! I was just telling Clint here…you’ve met Clint right?”

You shake your head at his question. You had only seen him around maybe once and heard his name in passing from the blue haired girl who was talking to him when you passed by and from Maru when you were in the clinic. Thank Yoba Gus said his name or you would’ve been stood awkwardly just like you are but more so because you wouldn’t have known his name. “Oh well, he’s the towns blacksmith…anyways I was just telling him how I hope everyone’s enjoying the food. I’ve been cooking for days to get the food ready.”

“Days? Wow thats a lot of work…”

“Yeah I made fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, deviled eggs, scrambled eggs, chocolate eggs, you name it!”

“I mean it is the Egg Festival…”

“Yeah, not to mention the other foods. I’d be upset if it turned out horribly.”

You take a bite of whatever was on your plate in front of him, trying to make a show of how good it is, but not really needing to act because WOW can this man cook. How’d he even make this? His eyes light up at your expressions and mannerisms, his shoulders relaxing at the sight of you enjoying the food. “No Gus, I swear this is amazing! You don’t need to worry about anyone not enjoying the food at all!”

“Thank you for the kind words, Farmer, it means a lot to me.”

You nod vigorously, not wanting to ignore him but now overcome with the urge to stuff down as much of the food as you can. What the fuck was in this? Drugs? You can’t even remember the last time you were this hungry.

With your plate you walk around, smiling at anyone who talks to you, and try to carry on conversations that you didn’t really care much about. It had been weeks since you moved here, and you were just now meeting everyone personally. There were so many people living here in Pelican Town that you wonder how you had managed to avoid 60 percent of them whenever you ventured out.

As you make your rounds to the buffet table for the second time, the sight of a bright red cape catches your eye and the man with the eyepatch flashes in your mind. You hadn’t seen him since that day, but you had to find out what those stupid jelly things are.

“Marlon!” You call out, rushing to the man in the corner. He looked surprised that you were speaking to him, but made no moves to walk away or ignore you. Instead he looked slightly pleased. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

His eyebrows quirk up in amusement, “I could say the same about you, don’t hear anything about you going around.”

You shrug and realize that just as much as you stick to your farm, he must stick to the caves and mountains. Neither bad, but awfully lonely when you think about it. You wonder if there’s anyone he lives with up there. “I just thought that you would prefer to be adventuring or something…like in the caves?”

“Yeah, but even with my bad leg I never miss a festival.”

“Oh…say you know down in the caves how there are…things right?”

“Yeah the monsters?”

“Yeah um, have you ever seen the little Jello creatures? They’re really tiny and all but are like really strong for some reason, and jump at you like they’re legless spiders?”

“The slimes? Yeah you have to be careful with them. They might be easy to defeat but can quickly overwhelm you if you’re not careful.”

He frowns at you and you swallow. That’s exactly what had happened. The stupid things were just too much the more you ventured down. But you’d be ready for them next time, and whatever else is down there. “Yeah, they kinda kicked my ass last time I went into the caves.”

He nods solemnly, as if he could relate. Maybe he could relate, having a bad leg and an injured eye and living up there. There had probably been times that he’s gotten overwhelmed and hurt. The thought sends a shiver down your spine. If he could get hurt down there, and you have already been hurt, who’s to say that you won’t just die the next time you go down? It’s weird to think just how lucky you truly were when you were saved.

Thinking of being saved…your eyes flit around quickly trying to spot the man that had saved your life. Maru and Sam had said that Sebastian had gone down into the caves himself to save you, and even though you hadn’t seen him personally since meeting in the Saloon, the need to thank him was always in the back of your mind. And now you have the chance, Yoba you wished you were home.

You bid goodbye to Marlon and shuffled your way to the trio standing off at the bottom of the town’s square. Rehearsing what you’re going to say in your head, you hope that it would be a quick conversation, that you wouldn’t stutter over your words and that you wouldn’t act so awkward that they think you’re weirder than you are. But as you clear your throat as you walk up to them, regret settles in your belly at the looks on their faces. It was like being in school all over again and the kids that you thought were cool were too tight knit as a group and hated outsiders.

Before you could say anything Abigail speaks first, staring straight at you. “Do you think I’m too old to do the Egg Hunt?”

You frown at her in confusion before shaking your head. “No?”

She punches Sebastian’s arm as soon as the word leaves your mouth. “Ha! I told you I wasn’t too old. It’s like, why stop if I’m having fun?”

“How are you having fun searching for eggs with actual children?”

“Hey! Searching for eggs is like going on a treasure hunt! Besides, your sister does it too!”

Sebastian rolls his eyes at her, looking towards the river without saying anything more, choosing to sip on the punch in his cup. Sam looks like he’s suffering and you tilt your head, silently questioning him. “Ugh…it’s my doze…allergies.” His nose is so stuffed up that his words seem heavy. You wince at him and nod in understanding, Springtime wasn’t the best for people with allergies.

Sebastian clears his throat after a minute. “You know what I miss? The rotten egg toss.”

Both Sam and Abigail agree quickly, words coming out both of their mouths too quickly for you to really understand anything they’re saying. They’re very enthusiastic about it, recounting things that happened in previous years. In your confusion you look over at Sebastian, and he swallows his drink quickly. “We used to do a rotten egg toss, a couple years ago. It was only for like two years, Mayor Lewis put an end to it pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, too many people complained that it stunk.” Abigail laughed. It sounded pretty fun, tossing rotten eggs at a target or something, but the smell…ugh.

Before you could say anything else, Sam says he’s going to get more food before the egg hunt starts and they put everything away. Abigail looks between you and Sebastian and smiles. “I’ll go with him, either of you want anything?”

You shake your head, plate still full from the second round. “Maybe some punch? If it’s not too much trouble?” She shrugs and looks at Sebastian who just hands her his cup. She leaves without another word and without turning back. Ha…now it’s awkward…

“I didn’t think you were one for socializing.”

You’re surprised at his words, but think that in a small town there are rarely secrets. Everyone must know that you’re suffering. “Yeah um, just had a bad couple of weeks. I’m better now, though, ready to mingle and become part of the town…being alone is no good.”

He snorts, glancing at you and your heart stutters in your chest. Did he think you were joking? Were you that obvious in your dislike of talking to others? “Yeah sure…been there once.”

You don’t ask him what he means, understanding that he’s seeing right through your fake chipper exterior. For a minute the silence stretches on, but it’s not as tense and awkward as it was before. Maybe it was a good thing he could tell you were faking, there was no need now that it was only you two. “Y’know I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

“For?” He sounds disinterested, but when you look at his face he seems more…uncomfortable.

“You saving me? Your friends told me you went down into the caves to get me.”

“Fucking…yeah. It was no problem. You should be more careful, though, I was only able to help because I noticed that you didn’t come up.”

“Yeah…I really should…anyways. Thanks for saving me, hopefully you won’t have to do it again.”

He shrugs and says nothing.

“I owe you one.”

“Sure.”

The mayor claps his hands loudly, speaking into a megaphone that he’s holding. “If anyone is participating in the egg hunt, gather round. It’s almost time to begin!”

“You participating?” He asks, and for a second you almost say no before remembering that the whole point of coming was to become part of the community and bettering yourself.

“Yeah…you?”

“Nah…”

You nod and cough into your fist, unsure of how to separate yourself from him. “Well, I guess I’ll see you…later?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m either at home, or at Sam’s or the Saloon during the weekends…”

“Okay, cool.”

You walk away quickly, confused as to how you had somewhat made a friend of him? There was that saying that misery loves company…maybe he was the perfect person to be miserable with. He seemed like he had problems himself. Mayor Lewis claps a hand onto your shoulder a little harder than necessary, causing you to wince. “Enjoying yourself, Farmer?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s good! It’s about time you introduced yourself to the townspeople. Everyone was so excited to meet the new farmer in town and you just…disappeared. They thought you were a recluse or something!” He lets out a laugh that makes you frown. You had forgotten how much this guy could talk.

“Yeah well, family deaths will do that to you.” You keep your face straight as you stare at him. He coughs and sputters out some words before the conversation is effectively ended.

After another minute and a half the egg hunt begins and your heart starts thumping in your chest. The kids are already running off, and Abigail is darting around so quickly that you think that she’s going to knock one of them over. Looking at the other participants, the urge to beat them overcomes you. Winning at this means that you’re officially part of the community right? You’re putting yourself out there?

Your feet move without another thought from you and soon enough your basket is full with eggs. Looking at the others it seems theirs are too. You can hear Lewis counting down from ten and your heart races even more. How were you supposed to win this? You run across the square, hoping to get one last egg.

Five…

Where are the rest of the eggs? What the fuck is there no more?

Four…

In the corner of your eye something yellow gleams under the sun. An egg! Near the river!

Three…

You dash towards the egg, hand stretched out towards it.

Two…

A couple more steps to go, you’re unsure if you’ll get there in time.

One…

Your hand closes around the egg and into your basket it goes. Your heart thumps and your breaths come out uneven. But you made it! The last egg.

Lewis calls everyone back towards the center of town, eyes gleaming as he looks at everyone’s baskets. He seems happy to see more people participating in a dying tradition. There were only two kids in town so an egg hunt is bound to get boring as everyone gets older.

It takes five whole minutes for Lewis to count everyone’s eggs, yours being the last basketbhe gets his hands on. “Nine…ten…” Abigail groans in annoyance next to you. “Eleven! The winner is the Farmer! Come up and get your prize!”

Prize? If you knew there was going to be a prize you wouldn’t have tried so hard. Now someone was going to be mad at you for winning instead of them. You walk slowly to Lewis confused as to what he could be offering.

“Enjoy!”

He hands you a straw hat…well at least it’s helpful?

[whitecreekvalley-if]

Hi Toast! I hope you are doing well. I noticed that you've not posted in awhile and just wanted to check that you are doing okay! I hope today is wonderful and that you get to do something that you love! ❤

Hey love! I'm doing... Okay, to say the very least. Fallen into a deep chasm of ✨ depression ✨ and it's kinda un-yee'd my haw's, as one would say.

But we keep hanging on! It's been a rough scene for writing (I swear my laptop dustier than an abandoned barn, my virtual villagers are def ded) but my heart years back to the times I was here every day, interacting with you beautiful people. Actively going to therapy now, and even got unpaid leave with an open invitation to come back whenever I feel better, which is hella rare for my branch of work. My bosses are the best 🥹 (Or then I work too hard and they fear losing me lmao)

But I'm still rocking to country music and going 'hehe that's Mace/Alice/Judge/Sadie' on a weekly basis.

I'm sorry I left y'all hanging, it wasn't my intention! My brains just not been my friend for some time. I understand if people look at me as if I'm not serious about this game because of it, but I swear I'm doing my very bestest to get 'er done ♥️ I'm feeling better in the membrane now, so there's a chance I'll flood y'all dashes with stuff and things, that's for sure.

And for any of the *squints* three anons who sent hate to my asks while I was off, I'm sorry for the delay and for not banging out a demo while it's still very much unfinished, for not updating you on my shortcomings and very personal life that is too complicated to air live on dash, and, quote, being a fucking liar and a lazy shit, I am sorry. Not the last one though, that was super rude and you should feel bad :)

Thank you for your sweet message, love, it's really eased my anxiety about coming back <3 You're the best!

[imtooscaredforthis]

Antagonist

Chapter Twenty Seven: Fixed

Mentions of: Drug use, Themes of Depression, Canon Typical Violence, etc.

A/N: Spoiling you guys because I’ve been dead the past few months (and probably will continue to be dead) LMAO

Tags: @prettycutebunny @dead-bxxxxtch-walking @vandeaad @mama-miya

You sighed softly as you lit the blunt between your lips. Things between you and Leon haven’t gotten any better. In fact, they just seem like they’ve become worse, with both of you avoiding each other. Lately, you haven’t really felt like talking to anyone. Even though the other survivors are going through the same thing as you, it felt like they didn’t understand. No one did.

When you weren’t in a trial, you were here, smoking and trying to numb the emptiness you felt inside. As time dragged on, you felt more alone, the hole inside only getting bigger and bigger.

So you were surprised when you heard a knock at your door. You debated answering it, wanting to be left alone, but you were also curious about who it could be.

It was Frank. Right as you were about to slam your door in his face, he moved his foot in the way he pushed the door aside, stepping inside.

“Get the fuck out!” You snapped, angry that he was forcing his way inside.

He ignored you, shutting the door behind him. He plucked the blunt from your lips, taking a deep drag and settling on the bean bag chair. He took a deep inhale, and then he spoke.

“Listen, I’m tired of this being mad and ignoring each other shit, okay? I just want to talk. I’m sorry for what I said before, and how I acted.” He took another hit, letting out a deep sigh before speaking again. “I was a real asshole, and everything you said was right. I think I was just acting that way because..because I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you. But I know getting out of here is the best thing for you, so I want to help.”

Your expression softened, your anger melting away. You reached over and took the blunt from him.

“Thanks, but you were right too. I don’t think I’ll ever be leaving this shit hole. It was stupid of me to hope I had a chance. I was being crazy.” You laid back on your bed, taking a hit and watching as the smoke curled above your lips.

“So, that’s it? You’re giving up?” He frowned. You shrugged.

Frank had seen this time and time again in survivors. Despair. Nothing left to keep them going. When they got like that, it wouldn’t be long until they were never seen again. Some said that they would die for real in trials, others said that they would be sent away to the void, serving no more purpose to The Entity.

He couldn’t lose you. Not like this. So, he got to his feet and took the joint from you again. He threw it onto the floor, putting it out with his boot.

“Hey-”

“Enough of this mopey pity party bullshit. We’re going back to the Blight’s realm, we’re going to get that serum and we’re going to get your locket back. Now come on.” He offered you his hand. You took it, letting him help you to your feet.

–

Once the coast was clear, you followed Frank into the Blight’s hideout. This time, you were able to locate the syringe easily. But you couldn’t find your locket. What did he want from it? Why did he take it? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that you found it, hopefully in one piece. It was one of the few things that helped you feel close to your sister, and without it, you felt empty.

Frank called out your name in a hushed shout and you didn’t even have to look to know. He was here. You could hear his groans as he charged back to his home, dashing quickly. You took cover, hiding underneath one of the lab tables, while Frank hid in the corner, standing next to the doorway.

With an inhuman growl, he wandered around his home. He threw down his bottles on a nearby table, causing you to flinch. You nudged the table above you slightly, and you prayed he wouldn’t notice. You held your breath as he got close, feeling your heart racing so fast you could hear the blood rushing in your ears.

Droplets of iridescent drool stained the floor in front of you, making you wince in disgust and a bony hand reached underneath the table. Right before his finger could even nudge your nose, there was a crash in the distance. Frank had taken one of his bottles and thrown it into the woods, distracting him. He had saved you.

“Hurry.” He whispered, once The Blight had left. You searched frantically, before seeing a glint in the corner of your eye. There it was, in good condition. Relieved, you grabbed it and put it on. But the relief only lasted so long, since the next thing you knew, The Blight was rushing back and Frank was screaming at you to run.

You vaulted a broken window, Frank following quickly behind. Before he could get all the way through, The Blight grabbed his leg, tugging him back. You grabbed Frank’s arm, pulling him forward.

“Let him go, you fucking freak!” You screamed at the hissing creature. Frank tried to elbow him, but he hardly reacted. So you had no other choice but to grab the serum you were keeping in your pocket, jamming it into the monster’s arm, causing him to squeal and release him.

You hauled him through the window, sprinting through the woods, not stopping or letting him go until the coast was clear. Once it was, you let him go and sat on the ground. You were exhausted, your lungs burned, and your legs hurt. You lied back. He lied beside you.

“Are you okay?” You asked between pants, gazing over at him.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah. That asshole made me lose the serum, though.”

“About that. I actually was able to snag some. I knew with how things went last time, we were going to need a backup.” He pulled out an extra vial from his coat pocket.

You stared at him in shock, before throwing your arms around him. “Holy shit. We did it!”

He laughed softly, hugging you back. It took you a second to realize what you were doing, and who you were with, but once you did, you pulled away quickly, like you’d been burned.

You cleared your throat, unable to keep eye contact with him. “This is great, Frank. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Yeah. It’s good to be friends again.” He admitted.

“It is.”

You smiled at each other for a beat, before Frank broke the silence and the eye contact. “So, uh, what are we going to do now?”

“We test it out and see what we can do.”

[james-p-sullivan]

You really seem to be doing so much better these days (mind u, obviously we don’t see a whole life on tumblr) but it’s a pleasure to see you back on my dash and that things are going for the better for you.

Also don’t stop writing, if it brings you joy then fuck the rest xx

what a sweet ask, thank you for sending this!

honestly, ive been doing really well, all things considered. i owe so much of my new outlook on life to the hysterectomy i had a couple months ago. its talked about, how much pain can affect you, but i dont think i truly realized how badly it fucked me up until suddenly i had all of that pain taken away. im genuinely still in shock every single day over how much easier my life has become now that im not a slave to my body

ive been trapped inside a cloud of depression since i was 11 years old and to be finally free of that is absolutely mind blowing. the problem is, i feel like a baby being born into the body of a 27 year old lmao i missed out on so much in my early 20's due to life circumstances, but for the first time in my life, im really excited for the future and im excited to be alive

sorry this got a bit introspective, but yeah! im doing great! and i totally just wrote 2.5k more words on the next chapter of my fic and you are absolutely right, fuck the rest! haha!

[twili--link]

Info dump

Wahoo this is about my OC Evara / Evelynn (Fantasy world name vs modern world name). They/Her pronouns.

I won't go into any TW info, so it is safe to view! Just throwing it under a line to not clog up anyone's dash. Sorry if its rambley and not coherent, I'm a bit loopy from medicine lmao.

Evara

(Art above by krim-spyke)

General themes: Loss and hope, light in the dark, hopeful optimistic

Class: Bard/Ranger, with magic thrown in that ties into their barding (Based off of light magic but star-light instead of regular light magic that one might see a cleric use)

Familiar: Dog named Basil

Tropes: Hero's journey/epic journey, high stakes, save the world, tragic past, side-quests galore, ancient civilization, evil cult, and reincarnation.

Evara is the accumulation of multiple OCs I've had since 2009 + a bit of a fandom character I used to RP as. Placed into a world I am making (Look at my map I am proud of it) that has a loooot of stories going into it. Evara's story is actually multiple Hero's story...ies? But I need to commission their designs (I've got some pic crews of 'em but not mch else).

Prior to being the elf bard they are now, Evara was "Luna" and was a Naruto oc if you can believe it hehehe, who had like so many ships with anyone attractive. They went through some trials of redesigning and being left alone for a bit before I finally got to the above design.

Now they are a Bard on a mission to stop the pain they've felt at a young age from ever being felt by others. Having gone through some tragic circumstances that took their immediate family away, Evara swore that they'd never let anyone fall victim to the Cult that is the bad guy for the story. Taken in by their uncle and his husband, Evara did get help from what they went through, but their desire to stop the cult stayed strong until they were able to leave and set off on the journey they take.

Evara's music is what helps heal them, along with healing others as they are utilized not as a classic in-the-fray hero, but the one on the side who helps as thats what their whole character is about. A helping hand in the worst of times. The light of the north star in the darkest night, pulling you forward to home. They aren't meant to be the hero who takes charge but rather the one who lends a shoulder or hand. Evara does see/feel music, which can be a bit overwhelming at times, bu

They have another who joins the team who is their...not foil, but other half in a word? Evara represents Hope, the other will represent Kindness, but their design isn't complete yet.

Evara has a twin brother of which the design isn't complete yet and is alive but unaware Evara escaped as they did. It's apart of the story, so I'll keep it mostly secret but :3c

Despite having a perky and positive outward attitude, Evara struggles with depression and anxiety, along with an overwhelming desire to keep those around them safe which can cause points of contention as it can become overbearing. They fear losing more loved ones in the manner that they lost their family and can lose sleep overthinking things. Evara is also more likely to put themselves in danger in order to save someone, even if it costs them greatly to do so.

Their hatred towards the Cult does cause some problems along the way as well, as they have a secret side-mission of killing everyone of them mfers with deeeeeep hatred. It does create a crossroads for them at one point, but spoilers for story hehe.

If you'd like to know more or ask questions of this version, I'd love to answer them if you got this far <3

Evelynn

(art above done by ew041)

This version is named "Evelynn" for modern-sake.

Unlike the fantasy version, their family is actually still alive and they are in the same city as their twin brother.

The general themes and tropes depend on the Visual Novel she's being placed into, but other than visual novels they do have their own modern story that has them as a dhampir (I love vampires okay). In the visual novels they are placed into I do remove the elf ears (when i remember to ask the artist to draw human ears at least lmao)

The story away from VN's is as followed:

Created between the union of a witch and a vampire, the twins were born in the world's version of the late 1800's. (Based off my fantasy world but given modern stuffs). They grew up slower than most other children until they hit the age of twenty-three where they went through a rapid growth/change.

Because of their dhampir status they can walk in the sun but do burn easier than most (even tho they be white) others, and needs to wear sunglasses if they are going to be in the sun for long periods. They do not need to eat as frequently as their father, but do need to eat at least once every two to three weeks. They tend to find willing people very easily as vampires are not necessarily 'secret' to some underground types of people, but they do keep their status as a dhampir secret as best they can.

They do have some powers which includes shape-shifting, vampiric charm, heightened speed and strength (but not super as their father would have, but way above mortal status at least), and the ability to 'turn invisible' although it isn't easy and needs them to be well fed to use.

Evelynn has a double life in this version, during the day they are an online fashion-creator (has their own website) / works at an old diner and during the night they hunt down criminals of the 'supernatural' type, helping keep order in the large city they call home. (They will also help take care of mortal criminals but only if they are like the worst of the worst, they wont care if someones stealing stuff or the like.)

My brain is fizzling out thanks if you read this far I love my oc I hope you at least enjoy'd the info. If you have questions I'd love to answer them feel free to send them <3

[aroace-poly-show]

*sigh*

This is my second time typing this bc tumblr is a bitch. Therefore, no pretty bullet points or fonts, I'm just gonna use dashes, then copy paste from my notes app.

Anyway, YOU ASKED FOR SONG RECS, HERE ARE SOME!

I tried to not go too mainstream so you'd get plenty of new stuff. Many of these artists have plenty of other good songs too so if you particularly like one, check their other stuff!

Be aware some of these are violent and/or sexual as well as containing other potentially upsetting material, lmk if you need individual content warnings

- Belladonna Melodrama by Charming Disaster

- Constellation by Powderpaint

- Sex With A Ghost by Teddy Hyde

- The Woods by Sam Fermin

- The Fine Print by The Stupendium

- Sometimes by Nick Lutsko

- Farewell Wanderlust by The Amazing Devil

- Hell's Coming With Me by Poor Man's Poison

- The Haunted Phonograph by ThouShaltNot

- I/Me/Myself by Will Wood

- Love You Like An Alcoholic by The Taxpayers

- Scavenger by Shonalika (one of the members of Powderpaint from the second rec but i love them ok)

- Animal by Olivia Olson

- Falling Apart by Kim Boekbinder

- The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid

- Rule #4 - Fish In A Birdcage by Fish In A Birdcage (from the album Fish In A Birdcage lmao)

- Fire Drills by Dessa

- Achilles Come Down by Gang Of Youths

- Six Feet by Mike's Dead

- Beautiful by Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble Of Shadows

- Baby by Bishop Briggs

- Who I Am by Dope Saint Jude

- Fire With Fire by AlicebanD

- broken by lovelytheband

- Hello My Old Heart by Oh The Hellos

- Take All The Time You Need by Oh Honey

- Battle Cry by Shayfer James

- Dear Fellow Traveller by Sea Wolf

- Ship In A Bottle by Steffan Argus (I think)

- Dirty Night Clowns by Chris Garneau

- iT by Christine And The Queens

- This Is Love by Air Traffic Controller

and finally, and I think this is the most mainstream one but I feel like they're not as well known anymore as they used to be

- Brass Goggles by Steam Powered Giraffe (i prefer the 2009 version)

Bonus (if you speak German and/or don't mind music you don't understand): Antifascista by ZSK

I swear my music taste is usually more varied (and upbeat lmao) but I've been having The Depression

Hope you like a few of them!

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS IN MY DRAFTS OOPS FDKJHGHG

i didn’t end up listening to all of them, i fell out of the wanting to listen to new music mood, maybe some other time i’ll finish them all but here’s what i listened to so far:

gonna categorize these songs cause its a lot kjfshjg, i will add my comments if i have any about songs in particular 👍

already in my library:

sex with a ghost, i/me/myself, achilles come down

i haven’t listened to sex with a ghost in FOREVERRR, i/me/myself and achilles come down are in a previous main playlist but i got kinda tired of them and i’m on a new main playlist at the moment. i did relisten to them just for the sake of it. i might add them back to my main playlist :)

couldn’t listen all the way through:

animal

sorry i wanted to finish the whole thing but it really just isn’t my thing… its not bad just not for me

not my thing:

i love you like an alcoholic, animal

i have kind of mixed feelings about love you like an alcoholic tbh.

it’s okay:

broken, the woods, beautiful

the woods feels like that one vflower song to me, boccalla de verita? whatever its called, where it took me a while to get used to and now i actually really like it. i feel like i’ll probably like it eventually

beautiful is nice but its so long and i can tell i’ll get bored of it really quickly. its a bit boring for me tbh. its nice though i might listen to it occasionally :)

kinda catchy:

falling apart, belladonna melodrama, fire drills, constellations, the fine print, baby

ok i really like this:

dear fellow traveler, dirty night clowns, take all the time you need, haunted phonograph, battle cry, iT, rule 4 - fish in a birdcage,

downloading immediately:

antifascista, hello my old heart, hell’s coming with me

i never mind songs in other languages even if i don’t understand them!! as you can probably guess i have a ton of japanese (usually vocaloid) songs, and i had some other german song in my playlist at one point but i think i removed it from there and i can’t remember the name 💔

anyway antifascista FUCKS i like this a lot going into my main playlist immediately it’s loud and they yell and its a good pace i fucking love it

[itsdelicate]

sorry this is late but hiiii!!

YES exactly omg like when i wanted to get into f+tm it took me forever to choose smth to listen to first so i just asked a friend what to listen to. yea ur absolutely right. she did she did and then acted like it isnt one of the most addictive songs on her discography??? when i first heard the bridge i thought she said he looks so pretty like a devil and that did me in but the actual lyric is everything too lmao YES hey taylor just make the longest album all a bunch of 10 mins song thanks babe lol

omg thatd be so fun!! they came to my country and we totally missed it and my mom was so sad ab it like she was all "why didnt you tell me they were coming" lmaodsjk and i wouldve loved to go as well. aww its ur "i thought they were boo-ing me" sorta moment (thats the first thing that came to me lmao). YES which is why im trying to get into other artists cause soon im going to have listened the hell out of all the discographies of my fav artists djskmdlm

HAHAH yea good thing taylor is a master of putting depressing lyrics together w dancey beats akmddsnm i love slow sad songs cause of my mom i think cause she played those slow whitney houston and celine dion songs on repeat when i was younger lol

yea dont fall for the peer pressure to watch them its a lot and not so amazing anyways lol. i mean yea but some of the plot is bit iffy for me like the cultural roots of the whole avatar people and that dash of white saviour stuff in the first movie so its like eh.

OHH okok glad u had fun!! well i went to my grandmas in the weekend and went out w my cousins yesterday which was loads of fun!! def wanna do that again soon. wbu? did anything kinda fun or even pretty lame or really just anything lol

omg im actually a bit in the middle for me! lol like i do like it but its not smth i listen to as much as most of her other songs. it is!! im def never doing a whole ranking lmaokdwk OOH yesyes i love lwymmd since the mv like i thought it was the most iconic thing ever when i watched it and i wasnt even a fan at the time. ooh def closure!! i could not listen to it at first then after a long while i went back to it and tried to listen to it like the first time and LOVED IT!!! now shes everything to me and i will defend her w my life <3

how's ur day been? any little things in it that made u happy?

xxx ur secret santa

ahhh my reply’s late too that’s alright!! i’ve been working on assignments, very upsetting that it’s back to reality now 🥲

oooh that’s a great way to get into music! honestly only one of my friend’s is a big music lover so i never get recs from anyone except her ahsjd omg same i thought that was the lyric as well! no literally like give me a 10 min version of the great war,,,,

oh nooo it would’ve been so fun!! are you a big concert person? shdkf it was Exactly like that i thought they were laughing cause i was bad at singing or something 💀 i always end up switching from whichever album i’ve been playing non-stop! i just saw & juliet the musical last week so for now it’s the soundtrack instead of midnights hehe

sad bops are so good 😌 oooh very fair! what was your very first album you got on your own?

noted 😭 oh oof tbh idk what the avatar movies are about at all except that they’re blue msjfkf

aw that’s lovely!! i saw the life of pi play and & juliet last week and then also went to the zoo which was for my assignment (i study animal welfare) but also a nice day out 🥰

i want to like it more it’s such a fun song but idk why i just shdjf lover is my lowest ranked album although some of its individual songs are my fav! it’ll take the whole of 2023 to do an entire ranking tbh 😭 i think taylor can make a whole album faster than i’d be able to rank all her songs lmao omg yess and the mv whew, ooh yeah!! a lot of people didn’t like the “clanging pots and pans” LOL but it’s great!!

my day’s been good! i tried out a new recipe today and it was really successful so i’m pleased 😌 wbu!!

[blogfullofemos]

Lonely is a Man Without Love

(Thank you sssooo much guys for the many receptive love I've been given. Truly appreciate the time you guys took out of your day. Here's the next part. @later-gators12 enjoy my friend 😌.)

Warnings: We got some blood but other than that, nothing bad. A little action ain't hurt nobody.

Pairings: Steven Grant x fem!reader, original character x fem!character.

Word Count: 2.2K

Summary: Steven just loves to pull on your heart strings huh? How can you keep your cool... Also Steven fighting... Please help Marc.

Writer Notes: I know I squish the words together when Marisol talks, but being hispanic myself, you know exactly what I mean lmao.

    The thin white drapes of your small motel casted a dreary hue within it’s British-inspired walls. London’s thunderous storm adding more to its depressive pull. You sit at one of the corner-ends to the twin-size bed as a small antique radio quietly plays news static. Next to it rested Athena standing with pride as her sword pierced the stone beneath her, a torn piece of paper covering her face. Steven’s big shaky handwriting of his phone number written sloppily against the lines. You stare as a small smile crept up, reminiscing the many reintroductions of Steven Grant as the days passed. The way his face gotten redder and redder as you both shared a passionate discourse of Greek Gods & Goddesses, the many big smiles he gave as you explained your side to its history. “I’m sorry madam, but the shop is now closing.” the female cashier informs you with a courteous smile. Piercing Steven with a highly annoyed side eye as she walked off, pissed about cleaning up the shop’s mess, especially Steven’s. Steven giving her a sympathetic crooked smile, he brings his attention back to you, “I’m sorry (Y/N), I’m going to go help Frances clean up shop. It was really amazing meeting you. Goodbye for now.” he says as he quickly follows behind the seething Frances.

     Your heart couldn’t help but flip at his courteous moments, rather rare to see in such a man. But the further he went, the more your mind screamed “GET HIS NUMBER YOU CLOWN!!”.

“Wait!!” you yelled unexpectedly, causing them both to turn to you. Steven with bewilderment and Frances with “Now what’s wrong with her?” look. You didn’t have to yell, well you didn’t mean to honestly, your face burned up with embarrassment. “Um, can I get your number?” you ask lowly, your head instinctively going down to hide your vulnerability.

“What was that beautiful?” he asks walking back towards you, his ears not picking up the words at all. Your face smoldering more by his compliment, you hated this. You hated this so much. You force yourself to look up at him, exposing a beet red face to Steven making his blush look rather fake “I said can I have your number?” you repeat with clenched fist. God why did this hurt so much? Steven bites his bottom lip as he tries to contain a foolish smile, digging his hands in his pants pockets. He pulls out a crumpled piece of loose-leaf paper and quickly ripped the top corner of it. Thanking the heavens that he’s a tour guide to nothing but toddlers. 

     “Hey Frances, you got a pen?.. Marker?.. Anything to write with?” he asks as he realizes he’s missing the most important part of this ordeal.

M: Now how are you a teacher without a pen? We gotta do better Steven…

Steven ignores Marc’s sly comment as Frances intentionally slams a marker in his hand, rolling her eyes as she walks away. Steven places the small, ripped piece of paper on the window and quickly writes numbers with dashes on its crumpled surface. Once he finishes, he hands it to you, a smile never leaving him. “Don’t lose it now.” he says shyly.

     You bite your bottom lip as your mouth instinctually pulls upward. He probably thinks you lost it by now, but today you’ll find your way back to him. Suddenly your phone lights up as it vibrates harshly next to Athena, the screen showing: Marisol. You get off the bed and take your phone of the dresser’s wooden surface, swiping to pick up the call from your best friend. “Hello, you’ve reached the voicemail box of 100% that bit-.” you say in monotone, trying to steady your breathing from laughing.

“Shut the fuck up bitch.” Marisol’s spanish accent laugh out making you laugh “You almost got me.” she finishes. You sit back down and twirl your fingers around the thin blanket, your eyes wandering back to Steven’s number. “So when were you going to tell me?” Marisol asks with fake hurt.

“Mari, you know this is part of my job description.” you sigh, “You think I want to keep leaving you behind.” you say as you plop your back down on the uncomfortably firm bed, affirming the most hated part of your job. Resting the back of your hand on your forehead, you stare at the speckled ceiling weighing the pros and cons of being with Steven. “I know, BUT PARIS!!” she elates.

“It’s not Paris, speci-.” you try to retort but Marisol’s excitement cuts you off.

“You better send me pictures or something more, you know, I wouldn’t mind a little piece of Paris in my mundane life.” she theatrically emphasizes mundane, making you chuckle at her guilt trapping words. 

“I’ll see what I can do. But for the time being, I must prepare. Luckily I’ve gotten a break since I’ve landed, but I know I’m going to be assigned for something soon. Anywayyy how’s everything back home?”.

“Girl…” you can feel Marisol’s classic eye roll from your small talk.

“What?” you laugh already knowing the answer.

     “You know you’re the only eventful person I have in my life. When I’m bored, I run to you, so how do you think everything is going?” she says sarcastically.

“Pretty relaxing.”

“BITCH ITS BEEN DEAD!! Jariel has been cooped up in our home office because of work, and between you&me I haven’t gotten any for a minute. OH!! Your mama is doing well and toldmetotellyou to call her when you can. Also Gobbles is giving me a headache.” she growls as you hear Gobbles the pug do his screech, never learning how to bark like a normal dog. You hear his nails scatter about through the receiver. You giggle as you roll around the bed and kick your feet up, Steven’s bashful face floating around your mind. If your cellphone had a cord, you’ll definitely be twirling it around your fingers right about now. You cuss at yourself mentally as you see the start of a love dopamine rush. Snapping yourself out of its addictive pull. “Marisol… It happened again.” you hint, losing the fight with yourself.

“What.” she quietly exclaims, her excitement muted.

“Sooo there’s this guyyy.” you drawl, dropping your hopeless romantic face into the bed.

“OMG, TELL ME EVERYTHING AMIGA!!” she screeches like when you guys saw your favorite boy band appear on stage. You gave her the rundown of Steven, exaggerating some details and getting giddy with others. You finally finish with rushed breathing as you laid on your back again, exhausted from rolling around the bed as you gush. Yeah, Steven’s made an impression that was hard to scratch away. “(Y/N) put that number on your phone and stop being a baby. You know I don’t get you someti-.” Marisol says but your focus gets ripped away by a loud beeping sound inside the top dresser drawer. 

     “Mari, I’ll call you back.” you end the conversation, as your body’s temperature drops in seconds. Hanging up, you get off the bed and toss your phone on it. You open the empty drawer and retrieve the beeping burner phone, flipping it open “Hello.” You say cautiously.

“They still have you on their radar, keep moving. We’ve created you a new identity card and we’ll drone it to your location. It might take months before they’ll cool off, be careful with your side endeavors. God bless, be safe Niner.” The call drops, vanishing into its technological ether. Your heart races as you cuss silently, slight paranoia creeping into your mindscape as your eyes frantically assess your surroundings. You toss the burner phone on the dresser’s hard surface as you take a deep breath in, gripping the side of it with white knuckles. You look at Athena once more as cold sweat quickly builds up within you. 

Meanwhile…

     Steven slams the human-like cougar into London’s-soaked asphalt alley, simultaneously the cougar demon grabs his tie causing Steven to fall by the force of his. Landing on top of the cougar-man.

M: And this is why we don’t wear ties in a gunfight Steven.

Steven rolls around with the cougar demon, throwing punches, some connecting, most hitting back the pelting raindrops. As Steven ends up on top of the demon again, he wails at the cougar’s face, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to affect the demon as it did past ones. “Marc this is-.” but Steven is interrupted by the demon gripping his head. Headbutting Steven with the force of a jet. “GuS, is ThAt YoU?” he says dazed, as the demon hits him with another one; knocking Steven back on the ground. The demon stalks its body back up as it purrs seeing Steven’s unconscious masked face seeping slowly with blood coming out his nose. Suddenly white fabric snakes around the demon from behind, before the demon has time to react the tough fabric tightens. In seconds the demon collapses as its head pops off from its body, turning into rain-soaked soot. Khonshu’s God-like silhouette looking down at the irradicated demon’s dust, thunder lighting up the cloudy day above. Khonshu kneels and swipes his gloved hand in the soot, investigating it as he circles it around his fingers. “He’s back.” he summarizes. 

     Khonshu stands back up and walks toward the still unconscious Steven, watching as Steven’s costume dissipates as his feet stops by his shoulders. Steven grunts as Khonshu taps the end of his moon staff on his cheek. “Steven.” Khonshu says displeased continuing his incessant staff taps.

“No Gus… It’s not for you to eat.” Steven mumbles with a snore, still lost in his sleep as he slaps the staff.

“STEVEN!!” Khonshu booms causing Steven to sit up quickly as he wakes up shouting Marc’s name. Steven frantically searches around him, calming as he sees Khonshu’s bird-skull face looking down at him. “Is it gone?” Steven smiles with a bloody mouth, one of his front teeth chipped ever so slightly. A slanted gash on his nose, as his left eye swells and darkens ever so slightly. Khonshu walks away from him and disappear, but not until he smacked Steven on the back of his head. “OWA!!” Steven exclaims as he tries to rub the pain away.

“Let Marc handle the hands next time.” Khonshu’s voice echoes throughout the thunderous rain.

M: I try to tell him Khonshu, but nooo Steven’s name is with a V.

“Piss off.” Steven retorts as he slumps his body, trying to regain strength in his sore muscles. He lets the rain pelt his bruised body, as he tries to get a grasp of the demon he fought minutes ago. Usually the demon’s weren’t hard to kill, even though Steven panic-quit mid fight most of them. Marc always having to take the brunt of it. But once in a blue, they would be blindsided by how they killed their opponents. But this demon, this demon wasn’t easy to even shake. A sound of wind chimes breaks his thinking, as his phone vibrates in his shirt pocket. 

     He hisses in pain as his head aches from the sound, pulling the phone out and swiping the screen. An unknown number texting him.

You: Hey Steven it’s me (Y/N). I’m free today if you want to continue our fast chat. 

You: Last* 😅

Steven forgets everything that happened prior as a huge smile dance across his beaten face. His fingers quickly tapping against the wet screen, like his heart.

Steven: I would love to (Y/N). Give me 2 hours tops, and I’ll be ready.

M: Steven let me front. 

Steven finally gets off the ground with a grunt as he feels his muscles stretch out the pain. “No Marc, she doesn’t even know us yet. Plus this is-.” he’s cut off by another notification sound. 

You: Okay… Where do you want to go since I’m new to these parts of town. 🤠

Steven chuckles at your corny text, limping as he walks blindly to his flat.

Steven: Wow you’re putting my tour guiding skills to good use already. But how about a café. I know one that serves great tea with the best bakery goods any man would die for.

Steven: Okay I might’ve over done that last one, but like

Steven: I would die for it

Steven: Not really though

Steven: Okay that might’ve been a lie… 😅

M: You’re doing too much with the texting Steven. 5 messages in 25 seconds… Not a good look.

“I’m sorry Marc, that I’m excited about this. I haven’t had a proper date since….” he drawls as his face falls a little remembering Layla, “You know.” he finishes. He looks around London’s streets as he checks the address signs, seeing that his flat is not too far from here. 

       His phone chimes again and he physically gasps in disgust at your text.

You: So Starbucks it is.

Steven: 😐🤢🤮😥 How could you….

You: What? I could go for a cold brew right about now.

Steven: 🤧 Please no more…

You: And those cheese danishes…. Warmed up…. A gift from the Heavens.. 🙏

Steven lets out an ashamed wail, making passerby’s even more uncomfortable near him. “Marc she’s been corrupted.” he exaggerates his shame to a random stranger.

“My names not Marc.” the Irish man says defensively, ramming his shoulder into Steven’s as he walks off. Causing Steven to mumble “Sorry mate.”, as the force of the shoulder bump made him spin around and walk backwards.

M: Steven let’s get to the flat before you start any more unnecessary issues. We have a date at 5 sharp and looking at you…. We need to hurry.

[simmonsized]

Hehe it’s okay, I expected that to happen since it just came out.

Anyway, wanna give us a Bro Strider relationship status update with people he has interacted with so far in this fic?

(WARNING FROM FUTURE ME: this post is VERY long. I'm SO sorry.)

LFKSFJ:IJF:OWIJW:O THE WAY YOU HAVE WORDED THIS IS SO FUNNY

i honesty don't know where to start with this guy LOL ummmm i will be honest we could be here literally all day. it's kind of hard to get into the idea of explaining this without stating exactly how far we've come but it really has come from "my god if only i could be alone for five fucking years wow what a world" to "my god if only i could be alone for five fucking seconds jesus christ" SO. not that much of an improvement but. an improvement!

i'm going to do this in bullet points slap-dashed real quick and dirty like bc there are SO many of them (<- second note from future me this was my hubris talking) (ps i got bro meta all mixed up in there i'm so sorry)

PREFACE: i think a lot of what comes across as "gentle" early bro strider stems from like, well u know all the fucked up shit with his soul, kind of slowly reanimating from Machine to Human Again, Dirk Strider (Bro Strider) with a Purpose, a single-minded idea of how things Have to Be, to a place where "i shouldn't be here i was supposed to be done and now i'm not sure how to proceed"

not to quote my own fic but this is a lot of our starting point:

"Your technique was a major shit show.” “Yeah, I’m starting to realize that now.” “Kinda surprising you didn’t realize it sooner.” It’s not, really. “Yeah, I--” He cuts himself off and you tense up, watch the lines of his shoulders for movement. “I don’t know.”

The point here was never, "Bro Strider is an Irredeemable Monster", but it was also never going to be "Bro Strider feels bad about what he did" because to start, he most definitely fucking doesn't. LOL. I think he saw the way he raised Dave as a necessity, and that it was the most logical path to follow, and that it never mattered if either of them liked it (i don't think bro liked much of anything back then, except for puppets lmao) because it was the path of least resistance with the highest likelihood for success. (I will not get into the way homestuck sets us up like it's a master-apprentice anime joke only to shit on people about it later, because i already made that whole post abt bro and dave and shit u know.) I see him very much the way we see early Dirk Strider, before his disaster with Jake, back when he really thought that pushing his friends to be their "Best Selves" was doing them a favor. Take that as you will.

From here we see Bro change from Before (purpose) to After (lack of purpose, no sense of self) and this influenced a lot of the way i ended up writing him. Which! basically he starts defaulting to how he raised Dave before training because he has. Absolutely no fucking clue how to handle Dave now that they're not strifing anymore, now that there's no game to train for. (Bro would rather he was not anything, anymore but. we won't get into that.)

ANYWAY

Dave(no-longer-a-sprite): a lot of their relationships started as ultra guilt-based on both ends. not from the past, but really just centering the part both of them played in Bro's death. i know we don't have canon proof of bro dying for davesprite but it's my world and i say he did bc it rly does make a weird amount of sense and follows my Guardian's Obligation to Keep Their Player Alive at All Costs. yes even doomed offshoots of their kid. ANYWAY. the two of them have benefited (yikes) from Dave's struggle with depression and his desperation not to let Bro's death be his fault (even though obviously it wasn't) and just their mutually weird "i was supposed to die but now i'm here. what do i do?" Dave didn't have the same revelation as Dave about all his shit with Bro, and he never had an outlet. He just internalized. But this also leads to our first apology! wow so early on and yet there are 50+ chapters that trail after it. It's almost like I believe that saying sorry is the first step or something! Basically their relationship went from revolving around death and a lack of purpose to the first kind of tentative, actual attempt at something of a familial relationship. I can't call Dave a trial run, because that's not fair, nor is it accurate, but Dave(sprite) is a more forgiving figure due to his isolation, and is more likely (not good) to forgive Bro his slip-ups than the other Dave. Also Dave says some alarming ass shit to him and I think that was probably something of a wake-up call for him, like a call to arms or somethin'. Basically, they are trying their best. Or I think they are! :)

Dave (not a sprite and never has been, this is why we call them apple and orange fellas): His relationship takes more effort and more time. Dave has a relationship with Dirk now, that is more positive than whatever he had with Bro (obviously) and it's not like he doesn't NEED Bro, because fuckssake they're still kids (you left a good ask about this but i forgot to answer because i'm a mess) and they need guardians but they're like. These two are the EPITOME of the concept of "you can love someone and want a relationship with them even if they hurt you so bad you can never forgive them." That is their baseline. It permeates every interaction. Dave is almost never not thinking about who Bro used to be, versus the way he's changed. He's jealous of Dave(sprite, for simplicity), he's jealous of Dirk, he's jealous of Old Dave, but he doesn't know how to ask for... whatever it is he wants! Not to mention Dave now has his own personal experience with Bro dying right in front of him, or preventing his death (sort of twice, i s'pose) and having a direct hand in that gave him a weird kind of catharsis, some kind of choice he never got to make as a thirteen-year old (and wouldn't have, anyway, as he confesses at some point). They are genuinely working some shit out. I just think it'll take more time.

Mom: Wow! His best friend from a past life where he was cruel and awful but also at one point may have had feelings and emotions and could have been a person but never so much as he wanted to be, and he's definitely jealous of her, and he also knows that she is imperfect, the same way all guardians tend towards a lack of perfection, but they balance each other out. They are both what I would call "opposite sides of the extreme" if u know what I mean. He is the most comfortable with her because he does not have to pretend, and does not have to be gentle, and she will take his shit because she wants to, and he doesn't want her to, but he can sort of.... She is the first person Bro Strider trusts again, I think. Or he wants to. I think he's just now starting to realize that maybe it's not all bullshit, when people believe in him.

Nanna Egbert (and Hass I spose): Resentment for a life that he was always supposed to leave vs the first adult who ever showed him kindness vs growing up mean and crooked vs the way that she forgives, so so easily, too easily. But he wants her to be proud of him but no he doesn't but yes he does. He would probably bend over backwards for Nanna to make her smile. He would also let Hass put him in a chokehold but only as long as it would take to fucking suplex him into a table. He would never admit to these residual attachments because they are all mixed up in who he used to be, and he doesn't know yet how to separate them from who he is trying to be now.

Dirk: I am not getting into my dirk vs bro vs dirk meta but it went from: This is just me and he is not a real person because he's me so who cares what i say to him -> He is me but now i see that he is also a person who reflects who i used to be and i don't like that -> i'm embarrassed -> I understand him and he understands me to a point and i REALLY don't like that -> beginning to see Dirk as his own person mixed up with "sometimes he's Dirk, sometimes he's you". Dirk meta. we could go all day.

Rose: I already made a whole post about Bro and Rose LOL. Rose wants something from Bro. Bro feels obligated because she's related to Roxy, but it's also maybe the first outside relationship where someone knows who he is from the start and still... appears to want to know him?

Roxy: Mom Lalonde Jr. Feels weirdly comfortable with her. Or at least less likely to snap at her. Thinks she's funny. Doesn't really know how to deal with kids sometimes but he tries, with her. She's kind of the only one (outside of u know).

Alpha Rose: Absolutely Not.

The other Guardians: Amused but tolerant. Annoyed but intrigued. Willing to put up with their bullshit from a sense of obligation he cannot explain and that frustrates him (it's just because they remind him of Nanna and Hass, he swears)

Alpha Dave (flavor: Pacific Cooler): Wow. We could be here for LITERALLY all day. No one has asked for my Bro vs Alpha Dave meta. I'd rather not get into it but alpha Dave was built as a reflection of Dave's worst traits but also as more of a direct parallel to Bro. They understand each other. They don't want to understand each other. Bro has basically gone from "wow who the FUCK is this douchebag it has been so long since i have met another adult who would probably kill someone without blinking" to "i guess he's okay." That is where we are, and doesn't that speak a thousand words.

Hal: It is not Hal's fault that their first interaction went so poorly. I know we don't talk about Cal as a juju but man fucked up ARquiussprite was all mixed up in there right. What the fuck. ANYWAY i think he has reached exasperation on a Dirkesian level with Hal, but also perhaps the beginnings of "oh he's a kid" and thus we have. Gestures to all of the black text in the new chapter. Bro thinks of himself as so far removed from the identity of "Dirk Strider" that he sometimes makes decisions other people would find "bad" and "not very good". Still, Hal is a kid. He knows Hal is a kid. He can kind of tell he's a lonely kid, even if he won't admit it (because Bro was a lonely kid, once upon a time.) I think he thinks Hal is annoying. Has no qualms about blocking him without a second thought. But he won't stop him from pestering him, either! :)

THIS IS UM. TOO LONG?????????????????? This is all i can think of i am sure i am missing someone but fuck me what a cast am i right.

[ashafox]

seeing you spam my dash after not really being in the hetalia fandom anymore is a fucking trip lmao

-C

I never left I just got depressed I'm sorry

[beardrabbles]

composed together. [ ♡ ]

characters: venti, reader

warnings: alcohol mention

word count: 3,029

notes: been trying out venti as a muse on a roleplay blog i have, but I wanted to have a crack at writing a reader with him. i'm not a poet in any sense of the word, so i'm sorry if isn't up to venti's standards lmao. if you tolerated all the rhyming, you deserve a gold star and a high-five.

You had tried so hard to make it back in time, but were disappointed when you returned to find Mondstadt barren of the usual Windblume decorations. There were no wreaths or elaborately decorated banners, no potted plants sporting twirling pinwheels. The scent of fresh flowers and baking goods persisted, but it didn’t carry with it the festive spirit. People were, once again, content to ask for help rather than tend to their own needs.

‘ And that’s why I missed out.  .  . ’ You brooded. It was because you offered yourself as a member of the Adventurer's Guild that you had found yourself pulled away from your home. You had been promised that the job in question wouldn’t take you longer than three days, give or take a day depending on how well you did. But, as it turned out, you had been gone for an entire week. And in that week, the festival had come and gone.

Windblume had never been about the romance for you. Every year, you looked forward to the food and atmosphere, letting the spirit carry you away. This year, however, you had held onto the fleeting hope that someone might show interest. Or that you might gather the courage to approach the one you so adored. You knew it was a lame excuse to depend on one holiday to steel your nerves, but the time and your chance had dashed past in the blink of an eye.

“Shouldn’t have taken the damn commission.” You slumped at an outdoor table near The Angel’s Share, a half-empty tankard of cider resting in your hands. You drummed your fingers along the side of the tankard, willing yourself not to be bummed. The holiday would come around again next year, you reminded yourself as you downed another gulp. “But I’ll probably get sent out then too.”

You stooped forward even further, cheek nearly pressed flat to the table when the familiar sound of plucked  lyre strings thrummed in your ear. You sat straight so abruptly that you made yourself dizzy, your need to look around rapidly for the source not helping the fuzzy feeling in your head.

“Venti?” You called his name with such unbridled hope that he couldn’t keep himself hidden for long. A giggle sounded above you, and you felt your diminishing mood soar when you spotted the colorful bard sitting along the eaves of the tavern, beloved lyre in hand.

“The one and only!” He cooed, soaking in your glee. “Looks like you started without me.”

You frowned and peered down at your table, noting the two other empty tankards. Cheeks flushed from embarrassment, you pushed them aside, as if that would make them ( and your shame ) disappear. “Look, I just got back and I find out I missed out on Windbl——!”

Eyes up, you realized too late that Venti had vanished from the roof. You blinked once, then twice, your cider-addled mind slow to catch up. Where did he go?

“I was wondering where you’d gone off too.” His voice bobbed along the air, light and playful, and it tugged your attention like a hook pulling along a caught fish. He sat across from you, his chin resting in his palm and bright eyes twinkling with eternal mischief. “Missed Windblume, huh?”

“Mhmm.” You grunted and polished off the rest of your drink, mood dropping again. “I was looking forward to it too. Did I miss anything important?”

Venti hummed and leaned back in his seat. Absentmindedly, he toyed with the strings of his lyre. “Let me think. Margaret thought of a new, non-alcoholic drink and it went over pretty well with the kids and those looking to keep themselves a little more dignified during the festivities. Our own Honorary Knight was named this years Windblume Star! Oh! That’s right, I taught a class on the art of expressing ones love though poetry.”

You snorted.

“You taught people to write poems?” Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “At what cost?”

“Come noq, Y/N, do you really think I could put a price on the ability to write out what a person’s heart yearns for most?” He paused, saw your deadpan stare, then let out a nervous chuckle. “A few bottles of holiday-exclusive wine is all I asked for.”

“Begged is more like it.” You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “How many bottles exactly?”

“Enough to tide me over.” Answered the bard vaguely.

“Is there any left?”

His silence was all the answer you needed. You groaned, let your head hit the table, then left it there as your forehead throbbed. Venti, sporting the rare flicker of guilt across a normally jovial face, leaned forward to pat at the back of your head.

“Hey, don’t be down. I have an idea!”

You lifted your head, but your eyes were downcast and dulled. “Is it a bad idea? I don’t think I want to mess with anyone right now, Venti.”

“I thought of the idea, so of course it’s a good one! And we’re not going to mess with anyone.” Venti grinned from ear-to-ear and stood, offering you a single, delicate hand. You gave it a hard stare, wondering what sort of troublesome plans he had brewing in his head. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to come up with a believable excuse as to why you couldn’t indulge him.

Leaving your empty tankards behind, you stood and took Venti’s hand. You stumbled the slightest bit before finding your footing. “What’s your idea, O Great and Fantastical Bard?”

“Since you’re being so kind as to lavish me in well-deserved compliments, I’ll tell you.” He winked at your withering glare. “You’re going to help me compose a song!”

“How is that going to cheer me up? I’m not poetic.” You grumbled. Venti clicked his tongue as he guided you away from the tavern and towards the cathedral.

“That is wildly untrue, Y/N! Everyone is capable of expressing themselves through poetry.” He argued.

“But I’m not good at rhyming or thinking of pretty words.” You countered. Venti sighed and gave your fingers an encouraging squeeze.

“That’s not what it’s about. No one said that poetry was meant to impress people. If it does, that’s a bonus, but the point is to shape your feelings. You write how you feel, not how you want to sound. If you don’t rhyme, that’s fine. If you want to use big words, then by all means! Short words are still words, and they can still carry your thoughts with them. There are no rules with it comes to poetry, no matter what some stuffy scholar might say.” He tugged your hand and pulled your arm up high, leading you into an impromptu twirl. Unable to help yourself, you fell into a fit of laughter that instantly lifted your mood.

“I guess you’re right, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me.” You followed along, a new spring in your step. Venti shrugged.

“Practice means progress!” He clearly wouldn’t allow you to wallow in your negativity, and you were quietly grateful for it. If there was anyone that could lift you out of a funk, no matter how deep and depressing it may be, it would be him. 

Venti lead you past the statue of Barbados and around the side of the cathedral, where he perched on the side of a stone railing. Beyond you sat the lake, it’s surface a constantly shifting sheet of vivid oranges, cheerful yellows, warm reds and sleepy blues. The sun was setting, and soon night would fall, but Venti didn’t seem concerned. If it didn’t worry him, then it didn’t worry you, so you found a seat beside him and made yourself comfortable.

“The breeze is nice.  .  .” You let your eyes fall closed, skin kissed by a gentle twirl of the air against your heated cheeks. You couldn’t see then how Venti’s lips quirked up subtly, an adoration in his eyes that not many earned. He watched you for all of one, still moment before your eyes opened and he was forced to look elsewhere.

“Yeah, it is. So!” Quick to discard the hammering in his chest, Venti pulled forward his lyre and cleared his throat. “About that song——”

“What is it about?”

“Unspoken love, the kind that lives in your chest and makes every moment spent with the person you adore both exciting and painful.” His fingers strummed one string, then another. You frowned, the first few notes squeezing at your heart.

“Why is it unspoken?” You wondered, keeping your voice low.

“Because, sometimes, confessing is more selfish and cruel than never saying anything at all. Because opening up one’s heart may lead to more pain than you first expect.” The melancholy notes only proved to add more hurt to your chest, but still the bard smiled.

“Do you really want to write a song that sad?” You weren’t sure that your flimsy mood could handle thinking about such a morose subject.

“Oh, don’t misunderstand, dear friend~ The reason for love’s silence is upsetting, but the love itself is anything but!” Venti began to swing his legs, and you felt the breeze pick up. Green eyes turned up towards the sky, while a subtle tinge of pink touched his cheeks. “I’ll think of the first few lines, then you chime in with whatever your lovely little mind and heart think of first. Alright?”

“If you say so.”

“Great!” Skilled fingers began to play, the heart of the music beating in time with your own. “I want it to start like this: I want always to treasure your warm soul and kind eyes.  .  .”

You waited for more, but were met with a calm quiet. A single glance from the bard, and you suddenly felt as is everyone in town could hear and see you. Face burning hot with embarrassment, you looked out towards water rather than at your companion.

“I want always to treasure your warm soul and kind eyes. Hmm.” You breathed in deep and muttered the first thing that came into your head. “Every smile and glance like a hard-earned prize.”

“Good! And you said you weren’t skilled at this.” Venti beamed, the sheer glee behind his praise lifting your mood higher still. “Let’s keep going. Next line: Your voice it rings like the sweetest prayer.  .  .”

You thought hard again, arms crossed tight and lips pursed. This was as difficult as you thought it might be, but Venti’s enthusiasm was infectious. So, again you offered the only words that rose to the top of your mind. “.  .  . a blessing from lips so fair.”

Venti hummed, the sound soft and low in his chest. “Indeed they are.”

“What?”

“Nothing! Moving on!” He slipped from the stone railing and came to stand in front of you, posture loose and playful even as he came dangerously close. “I adore you, I do. My heart is yours, it’s true. Little skips and steady pounding, my dear, you are astounding.”

Feeling him so near, his eyes mirthful and intent on you, you couldn’t help but to shrink into yourself a little. You grasped the railing you sat on and hunched your shoulders, eyes glued to your feet. If only those words were meant for you. Oh, but then what would you do?

“Is this meant to inspire other people to think of their love, or are you thinking of someone in particular?” You couldn’t and wouldn’t dare to hope, but you had to ask.

The strumming stopped, but you didn’t turn your gaze up.

“Perhaps I am,” Venti purred coyly, “why? Is there someone you’re thinking about?”

“Don’t be such an imp.” You kicked a foot out, but he was quick to step aside. Your aggression, though harmless, pulled a laugh from the bard. “I might be thinking of someone.”

“Who is it?” Venti pestered. “Do I know them?”

“Maybe.” You sported a cheeky smile of your own. Venti moved in an inch or two more to your side, leaving only a breadth of space between the two of you.

“Do they inspire you?” He asked. You sighed, completely unable to contain the need.

“He does.”

“Oh, so they’re a he, are they? That narrows it down.” He tittered and let himself play a soft, ambient tune. “Does he know how you feel?”

“No way!” You let out a bark of laughter. “Been trying to keep it a secret.”

“Why?” Venti blinked, appearing thoroughly baffled. “He should know!”

“What was it you said? Confessing is selfish sometimes.  .  .”

“Using my words against me. Cruel.” Venti sighed. “You really won’t tell him?”

“Not until it’s right, and not until I’m strong enough to accept the possibility that he might not feel the same.” Your smile was feeble and didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Chances come and go, away with the wind they blow, so I hold these lovelorn words inside my chest, never to be confessed.”

Venti frowned, watching as your fingers pressed and rubbed at the sudden ache right where your heart sat. His own reacted in kind, the horribly familiar grasp of doubt squeezing at his chest. He knew those thoughts and feelings all to well.

“In your heart the feelings run deep, but darling, don’t put them to sleep.” He reached out again when you dismissed his lyrics with a scoff, only this time you didn’t hesitate to place your hand in his. He didn’t drag you away from where you sat, but let his fingers slip between yours. Your heart stuttered a moment, the gentleness of the gesture filling you with gratitude and trace amounts of confusion.

The breeze picked up again, and you thought you could still hear the gentle song of the lyre despite him being preoccupied.

“Look at me.” He voice dropped to a whisper, so soft and airy that you almost didn’t catch it. But when you did, you bashfully locked your gaze with his. The sweetest smile pulled at his lips, the glimmer in his eyes so sincere that it made your own eyes prickle at the very corners.

Why did you have to fall for someone like him? Why couldn’t you have fallen for someone forgettable, or someone that wasn’t almost always within reach?

“Listen to my words, find them true, only a moron would reject you. You are wanted, loved and adored, you are more precious than any treasure hoard.” Venti arched himself forward, his forehead meeting with yours. Music continued to play in your ears, making the air around his words sweet. Could you believe them when they came from someone as flighty as him? You wanted desperately to, but you had to argue, to contest his open fondness for you.

“By the time the day is done, you’ll have said that to everyone.” You countered. Venti couldn’t hold back a laugh, his head moving away from yours. Already, you regretted sassing him. Come back, stay close.

“You’re getting better at that. While it’s true that I love to sing peoples praises, what I give you aren’t throwaway phrases. You’ve caught me, dear heart, and I want to surrender, allow me to bask in your unending splendor.”

You snorted and gave him a harmless shove. Venti grinned and gave in to your push, but he was near again in an instant.

“It can’t be that hard to believe that someone would love you. Don’t you believe me?” His question hung heavy in the air, leaving you momentarily speechless. Your mouth opened and closed, and each time your words failed you. Only after a long moment of listening to you stammer did Venti cautiously lean in. “Should I be selfish?”

“What does it mean for a bard to be selfish?” After a moment of mental screaming, you felt a smirk tease at your lips, but it was short lived. “Aside from drink all his wine before sharing it with someone?”

“Selfish bards do many, many things.” He spoke slowly, making sure each word dragged and lured you in. “I’ll admit it was silly to drink all the wine without you, but I can make up for it.”

You hummed contemplatively, each passing second tugging you closer and closer.

“How?”

“More wine?” He offered. You pulled a face.

“Mmmn, maybe. And?” Your mind was numb at this point, the idea that you two were so close making every inch of your body squirm. You had only daydreamed of sappy little scenarios like this, so living one out felt too good to be true. You were waiting to wake up, in fact, because this couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be tempting the idea of confessing to you when the entire world of Teyvat could offer him better.

“Songs written just for you?” Venti’s grin broadened, but there was a hitch in his breath when you nudged the tip of your nose against his.

“Anything else?” You egged him on, catching a flare of darker green in his eyes. He said nothing, but the way he moved his hand to touch your cheek spoke volumes. “How about a share of the apples you pick every day, or some mora, or——?”

“You’re talking too much.” He muttered, lips only a fraction away from yours.

“That’s rich coming from you.  .  .”

His breath was warm and welcome and mingled with yours for all of one second before you felt the notion of a kiss. It was then that the bell above the cathedral chimed, it’s proximity and the intensity of the clap jarring you and the bard from your shared trance. You jerked away, flushed and wide-eyed, while Venti clicked his tongue. Vexed, he glared up towards the cathedral.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I need to go.” You scrambled from your spot, heart hammering so hard in your ears that it almost drowned out the sounds of the bell. “I forgot to see Katheryne about the commission!”

Venti arched a brow. “Oh, really?”

“Yes, really.” You vaulted over the railing and contemplated running off without another word, but it didn’t feel right. Rather than succumb to cowardice and embarrassment, you turned to face the bard. “Tomorrow. We’ll do this again, I promise, and.  .  .”

“And?”

“We’ll finish where we left off.”

“I was hoping you’d say that!”

[tiriansjewel]

2021 Thank Yous

hey folks! We’re already seven days into January but I wanted to welcome in the new year by thanking some friends and mutuals and creators that made the previous year brighter and better even amongst the depressing reality of covid and the outside world. You have all been so supportive of me and my work and I love seeing all your work as well, and here’s to 2022!

@daintyduck99- as soon as we started talking in march I knew this was going to be a lasting friendship. You are so kind and thoughtful, and I love your sense of humor. Every time you share a piece of writing with me it warms my soul, you are so talented and create such beautiful imagery with your words. I can’t wait to send you more unsettling Facebook posts for us to both laugh at ❤️

@psyduckappears- I cannot express how much fun I have had talking to you. We always seem to have something to discuss in our ten minute long video rants and you are so intelligent and good at everything you do, it amazes me. Thank you for breaking my heart with all your angst 💛

@nuandia- my goodness, where to begin with you? When we started talking I didn’t realize how many of your fics i had read and loved but I just have to say you are the queen of polyphantoms and writing shit that squeezes my heart. I loved all our absurdly long video calls over the summer and relating over all our anxieties. I really miss you and miss brainstorming with you and I hope we can talk more this year 💜

@phantomsjulie- my dear, you are my oldest friend in fandom and I’m so grateful for you. I love that we just keep hopping fandoms together and I’ve had such fun yelling about all our favorite female characters. You make such beautiful edits and gifsets and that susan/lilliandil fic is still one of my favorite things on AO3. You’re amazing 💗

@theanarik- sometimes I still laugh about the conversation that started our friendship— an asexual lesbian telling a bisexual how to write good mlm spice— there’s definitely some irony there haha. for real though, I love how we can go off about anything and how much great advice you’ve given me, you’re truly like an older sister and I’m so thankful for you. You keep me connected to the batshit craziness that is supernatural and I hope to beta many more destiel fics for you in the future 🧡

@sunsetcurveofficial- I never thought I’d be a person to organize a fandom event but it’s because of you that I got into peterpatter in the first place. I love all your work so much and I know we don’t talk often, but you’ve been so supportive of me and there is no one else (+ the bugs) that I would have rather done peterpatter fest with. You rock! 🖤

@favoriteliar- I am so happy about the fact that we connected through our mutual friend and started smashing our brains together and seeing what happened! You are hands down my favorite creator in the jatp fandom- you do it all and you do it all well, gifs, art, fic, headcanons, and just being a supportive friend. You’ve stuck around even when others have lost interest and been such an original voice. Here’s to actually finishing the dark AU in 2022 since I have actually been working on it lately lmao (famous last words) 💚

@hyperfixated-bastard- still can’t believe we met in a saf discord. Seriously though, you’re a bop. You always make me laugh because your sense of humor is top tier, I love that we get to be a disaster bi and lesbian duo, so cool for us. Embrace the horse girl cringe! You’re one of my best friends and here’s to more unhinged facetimes and hopefully meeting in person soon 💙

here are some additional mentions of mutuals or people I’ve had fun conversations with or creatives I really enjoy seeing on my dash! I appreciate all of you so much and sorry if I didn’t get around to mentioning everybody :)

@catoptrific @lucbian @athoughtfox @invisibleraven @julies-butterflies @toorational @sunnysbright @astorytotellyourfriends @calormen @luffys @glasswaters @madnessiseverything