#sorry if this is kind of a mess i just finished the issue rn and my thoughts arent entirely in order | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ray-ray-writings · 3 years

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drabble idea: after Wilbur is killed by Phil, Fundy finds a smol arctic fox hybrid reader and cuz they're both foxes and the hybrid child looks abandoned, he adopts them. Then Ghostbur shows up and Fundy doesn't want him to have anything to do with his child. maybe some other relationships for fluff??? i'm just craving this rn -💍

So imagines won right? I sit down and go to write the imagine, and I just end up staring at a blank screen for what felt like forever. I know I said I would give you the option but I honestly couldn’t put anything in my brain for it. And because I spent so long staring at it, I lost a lot of time and so this is the only post for tonight…. I feel so bad. I’m sorry guys, I should have more stuff tomorrow. <3

TW: Parental abandonment.

This idea is so cute though.

So we all know that Wilbur wasn’t the best father. He really messed Fundy up and gave him some of those good good daddy issues to where he has a hard time trusting people. But I think that he would be out on a walk, clearing his mind, trying to think of anything but his father. He’d be in a snowy biome when he hears footsteps. At first he thinks it’s a mob of some kind, so he draws his weapon and creeps toward the sound. He catches sight of something white and at first he thinks it’s a skeleton, but then the thing moves again and he can very clearly see it’s an ear, a white fluffy ear… That’s odd. “Hello?” he finally decides to call out. There is a small squeak and a lot of rustling. When he wasn’t attacked, he figured it safe to move forward. He carefully approached and as he pushed some of the bushes out of the way to reveal a small child. In one quick glance he could tell this was no ordinary child. It was an arctic fox hybrid, the fluffy white ears and tail a dead give away. In his glance, he could also tell this child was in rough shape. Their clothes were tattered and torn allowing him to see just how skinny they were. His heart ached for the poor child, “Hello little one,” he greets softly, “What are you doing out here?”

You’d been on your own for a really really long time now. Your parents had brought you out here, told you to stay put, and left. You listened and so you waited for them to come back. But as the days went on, you began to understand what had happened. But nevertheless, you sat there and waited. Munching on the berries of the bushes, but it never quite fills your stomach. One day as you’re moving from bush to bush, a voice calls out. It startles you and you can’t help but let out a squeak as you fall to the ground in surprise. The bushes shuffle a bit and from over the top you find an orange headed man peering at you curiously. His eyes scan you quickly before he speaks, “Hello little one,” his voice soft and comforting as he speaks, “What are you doing out here?” You give him a little shrug and allow yourself to look him up and down. You’re heart thuds a little faster as you notice that he is also a fox hybrid with orange and black ears, an orange and white tail, and sharp canines poking out from his lips. “Where are you parents?” he tries again. Again, you give a little shrug and figuring you can trust this man, you speak, “Gone… Let me here.” His heart breaks at your sad and defeated tone. “They left you here? All by yourself? When did they leave?” Another shrug, “Two… three….. Weeks.” you mumble, looking down to the berry bushes, your fingers grazing them carefully. Fundy’s heart burns in anger as he thinks about how horrible your parents were for leaving their obviously amazing child to die in the woods. He’s about to speak when your stomach grumbles loudly causing you to flush in embarrassment. “Hungry?” Fundy asks, then mentally smacks himself. Of course you’re hungry your stomach just rumbled. But you nod sheepishly, still plucking at the leaves. “How would you like to come home with me. I can fix you up some fish. I have lots of fish at my house. You could eat as much as you’d like and you could stay as long as you want.” Not even caring if this guy was lying to you, you accept his offer, simply desperate to get out of the woods. Your head slowly rises from the bushes as you stare at Fundy who is smiling at you ever so softly with an outstretched hand. Carefully you raise your own arm and gently rest your hand in his, shivering at the warmth that spreads throughout your palm. “Let’s get going then kiddo.”

Fundy leads you out of the forest and towards his house. As you two walk, you two talk… Well he does a lot of the talking and you give small answers here and there. You tell him your name and he tells you his. He talks about where you’re going and how it’s extremely safe there and how he thinks you’ll like it. He leads you inside his house, sits you at the table, before making up some fish for you and him. He places the plate down in front of you and before he can sit to eat his own meal, yours is finished. To say he’s shocked is an understatement, but he quickly remembers you were out in the forest all alone for two to three weeks, maybe longer with nothing but berries. You’re looking at him super embarrassed, like you want to ask for more but are too scared too. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, walking back over to you, setting his own plate down in front of you, picking up the empty one, “You don’t have to feel bad. Like I said, I have plenty of fish, eat as much as you like.” And so you do. You eat until you’re so full you can barely move. Your eyes are sleepily closing and then jerking back open as you try to force yourself to stay awake. Fundy notices this and laughs quietly to himself. Your eyes close for a little while, giving Fundy enough time to put his plan into action. He quickly stands up, moves to you, picks you up, and carries you to his bed. He carefully lays you down, tucks you in, and presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Sleep well darling,” he mumbles, not thinking much of it. “Thanks dad” you mumble back, clearly out of it. But the simple word stops Fundy’s heart before a huge smile grows on his face. He decides that he wants you to be his child, if you want. He can feel a connection and a strong desire to care and love for you and he wants to be that strong father figure that he himself did not have. The next morning when you wake up, you don’t remember what you said obviously. You also plan to leave and go back to the forest. You would thank Fundy for feeding you but you already feel you've overstayed your welcome. You make your way down to the kitchen, ready to tell the man who saved you, who you don’t want to leave, goodbye. Fundy is standing over the stove and at the sound of your footsteps his head turns and he grins brightly at you, “Hey kiddo! Have a seat! Eggs are almost done! I hope you like them scrambled!” Not wanting him to feel bad, you do as you’re told and decide to tell him after breakfast. True to his word, the eggs don’t take that much longer and soon he’s served you some eggs. You two eat together, talking a bit about how you both slept and stuff. And after you’re done, you’re just about to tell him but then he begins to tell you about his plans for the day and asks if you want to tag along and you do. You really do. It is then you decide that you’ll stay until Fundy asks you to leave, and if that means you’re staying forever… So be it.

Okay on to some more general headcanons and less plot type stuff haha

You two help each other in grooming your ears and tails all the time. I feel like they can be hard to get perfectly clean by yourself so you two do it together as a bonding activity. You would do Fundy’s first because it takes less time. Fundy does a lot of it and you just get the hard to reach spots and stuff, and makes sure there is no spot left unclean. However, when it’s your turn, Fundy takes complete control. He will make you just sit there and let him groom and take care of you. He is so careful as he does it. He cleans your ears and your tail carefully, making sure no dirt is left. And then he takes the time to carefully brush out the hair and make it very soft and very fluffy. It feels so nice. I would imagine you didn’t have the nicest parents, they literally left you in a forest to die, so you never got this special treatment or attention for your ears or tail. So the first time you two did this, you would be so confused. You didn’t understand what was happening or why you were being treated so kindly, which broke Fundy’s heart. I feel that’s also partly why he doesn’t let you help because he wants to make sure that you know that you will be loved and cared for as long as he’s in your life.

So that being said, you two are so affectionate with each other. Like you curl up together and cuddle on the couch all the time. It has a lot to do with the fox side of both of you. It feels really nice to be pressed against family of your own ‘breed’ so to speak. A lot of the time it’s a lot of you sitting on his lap or laying on top him while he holds you tightly. Again, he wants to make sure that you feel loved and wanted.

I feel like it wouldn’t take you long to call him dad. Like you accidentally did the first night, but you weren’t really awake for it. But I do feel like it would be a slip of the tongue on your part again. Just he does something for you and you give a quick “thanks dad” before you dead stop and stare at him. His eyes are also wide and filling with tears. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to call you that. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It just that you have taken care of me from the moment I got here and I--” Fundy would cut you off by pulling you into a tight hug. “It’s okay Y/N. It really is. It would be an honor if you called me your father” he tells you. Your heart soars in your chest as you hug him back. “Okay… Thank you dad.” You two go to sleep that night with the biggest smiles on your faces that you’ve ever had.

…….. Speaking of dads….. Ghostbur comes back. One day there is a knock on the door. You’re both confused because no one should be coming over to your knowledge. But Fundy gets up and he opens the door and his confusion turns into anger. “What are you doing here?” He spits out. You slowly make your way to the front room, hiding behind a wall but peeking your head around the corner to see what was happening. There in front of your father stood an extremely pale man in a yellow sweater and a red beanie. “Hello Fundy!” the man greets, oblivious to Fundy’s harsh tone, “I came to visit you! I wanted to see my son!” A gasp catches in your throat, this was your dad’s dad. He hadn’t told you much about him, he just told you that he used to be close with his father but as he grew more obsessed with politics, that bond broke bit by bit until it was completely severed by his death. “Well that sucks because I don’t want to see you. Go away now” Fundy snaps back, waving him off. Ghostbur catches his harsh tone now and a frown settles on his face, “Fundy please. I want to talk. I want to mend what was broken. You’re my son and-” “And nothing. You should have thought about that before you went and blew up our nation and then got stabbed by grandpa… So goodbye now.” Fundy moves out of the doorway and goes to close the door. When he moved out of the doorway though, he accidentally gives Ghostbur a direct line of sight of you peeking around the corner. He lets out a gasp and points, “Fundy who’s that.” Fundy looks over his shoulder and pales a little but because oh fuck. This is the last thing he wanted to happen. He clears his throat and looks back to the ghost of his father. “That’s Y/N… My kid” “I have a grandchild?” “No you don’t because you are no father of mine. Now if you’ll excuse me” and before Ghostbur can respond, Fundy has slammed the door closed. You’re a little worried as to what he’s going to say to you so you speak first after you walk all the way in, “I’m sorry” you whisper. “No, no, no baby. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.” The rest of the day, Fundy is a little off. He tries to act normal but you can tell something is off. You don’t call him out on it though, you just let him do him.

But yeah. Fundy does everything in his power to keep you away from Ghostbur. He does not care a single bit if Ghostbur isn’t Wilbur, they were both still his father that practically abandoned him and so therefore he will not be around his child. His child will only be surrounded by those who love them unconditionally and will always love them. If you and him are out and public and Ghostbur appears, Fundy will take you back home. He doesn’t care if what he is doing is super important, he will leave and take you home. He also will not let Ghostbur in his home. Ghostbur does show up occasionally, hoping to catch another glance of you, but Fundy barely opens the door to the point where Ghostbur can hardly see him. Fundy will let Phil, Techno, and Tommy see you occasionally which hurts Ghostbur a lot, but there is nothing he can do about it. Fundy does not want his ghost father to be anywhere near his child.

But Fundy would be an amazing father. He knows what it’s like to be/feel abandoned by a parent and to feel ignored in a world full of family. So he makes sure you never feel like that. He loves you so much and makes sure you know that. Fundy would do anything for you, give anything for you. He loves you so much. His precious baby child.

Okay that ending sucked lololol. Again, I’m very sorry that this is the only post tonight. I got a much later start than I planned and it fucked everything. I’ll see you guys with more content tomorrow though (hopefully).

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt drabble #fundy #fundy imagine #fundy x reader #fundy drabble #ghostbur #ghostbur x reader #wilbur soot #tw: abandonment #💍 anon #anon #ray responds

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selinakidreams · 3 years

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Hello my love can i please request that you follow up on this lovely work of art you deposited in my ask box? Ty ty

oh oh oh what is this? the lovely carter (and val- in spirit) dropping in my inbox and requesting for me (???????) to write,,,,,,,,,,, I’m honored and will happily accept.

I am so so so so so sorry this took me so long to write,, it’s been sitting in my drafts for weeks,,,, I hope this makes up for it 🥺 I tweaked it a bit and I think it works,,, better now ? hopefully !!

warnings: this is smutty, SLIGHT voyerism, dubcon turned to con, p♥︎rn with like.. a dash of plot ? maybe ?, fem! reader, thigh riding, uh riding dick right after, LIGHT MENTIONS of fwb! Osamu,, ah ha haa — NO INCEST.

Dinners with the Miyas: a weekly tradition since... before you could remember. Once a week, you and your family would gather at the Miya’s house for a homemade feast.

In hindsight, it was a really nice way for two life-long best friends, both of your guys’ moms, and their loved ones to get together and catch up after a busy week- but as a girl dealing with a pair of twins a year older than herself, it was absolute hell.

At first, you used to despise having to get properly dressed just to eat dinner with your family friends. All that effort and for what? You see them all the time at school already, what’s so special about coming together for dinner once a week? And honestly, you were just going to get dirtied up anyways. Their beautiful blooming garden was calling your name and who were you to deny it?

You’d often find yourself frolicking among the tall blades of grass and colorful flowers, the wind swaying the plants to and fro. It was so calming to sit and watch the bees buzz around and pollinate. Needless to say, this is the boys’ cue to come into the picture; they always ruined your fun. The twins started growing into... boys, meaning they were an absolute nuisance.

It all started on a gloomy day; it had rained a few hours prior to the meetup and the Miya’s garden was- of course- muddy, but you just couldn’t resist. You tried to be as careful as you could, especially after the continuous complaints from your mother about how dirty you were when you showed up to the dinner table, but somebody decided to sabotage that.

A cold, wet slab of goop slapped you square in the face. With eyes growing wide, you turned to the culprit. An obnoxious laugh left Atsumu Miya’s mouth and in the same breath managed to call you ugly. You didn’t know what to do besides look down; you felt tears prick your lash line and you didn’t want that bully of a boy to see you cry. When you lifted your gaze to find the back door to run to, you paused upon seeing more mud flying through the air- only it wasn’t at you this time. It’s target was Atsumu- the launcher, Osamu. Finishing the embarrassing blow, the twin pointedly said the same phrase that was spat at you, before turning to you and apologizing for his idiot brother’s actions. Needless to say, after that Osamu Miya became your knight in shining armor.

As the years pass, they started to come over to your house more. When the boys were in your room, they (mainly the more wide-eyed, now blonde-haired, insatiably curious one) poked and prodded where their gazes didn’t belong. Osamu always tried his hardest to reil his brother in, attempting to put things back and apologizing every once in a while.it was painfully easy to realize that your perspective about him about him shifted; The politeness. The calm. The sensibility. He was kind and considerate. Your view on Osamu began to change into something of want, and oddly enough, it wasn’t pure.

You and osamu grew closer in ways you weren’t expecting; he was your first sexual everything. First kiss, first touch, first fuck- and with every intimate moment you both shared, the level of respect and maturity was extremely high. There was only one issue, whatever one miya wanted, the other wanted it just as bad.

Atsumu’s gaze on you lasted longer and longer, his tricks were getting more and more perverse- anything he could do to cause a little mischief and ripen the sexual tension he began to build between the two of you. But even the kiddie wrestling matches, flipping up your skirt, and lingering touches became boring; none of his little teases seemed to satisfy him anymore.

He was jealous. He had to be. Osamu never boasted, much less muttered a single word about what you two did when you were alone but Atsumu wasn’t dumb. He knew one of the Miya’s were getting their dick wet and it certainly wasn’t him. He was becoming impatient, but to you, he seemed really on edge- so much so, that one night you found yourself in one of the most compromising positions with the honey-haired idiot.

The three of you were chatting about the twins’ most recent volleyball match in your room, waiting for your moms’ wine induced giggles to subside and finnish the food already.

With lit up eyes, Atsumu was boasting about how they’d achieved their first quick when Osamu pardoned himself so he could use the restroom.

“AWHH ‘SAMU, YOURE GONNA MISS THE BEST PART.” Tsumu loudly whined.

“i was there, idiot. just keep telling her the story, i’ll be back.” he rolled his eyes before leaving the room.

He sucked his teeth before turning to you to continue the story only to find your eyes glued to find Osamu’s fleeting figure. You looked almost dazed out and Atsumu couldn’t believe it. Right in front of his eyes, you were eye-fucking his twin brother instead of listening to him.

Absolutely not.

Part of you should not be surprised. You looked away for just a few seconds- just enough for Atsumu to be annoyed that the attention wasn’t on him. Now you found yourself pinned to the floor, both wrists in one of his big hands, the other holding your hips down. You let out a squeal as you tried squirming out of his grasp.... that was until his knee firmly placed itself against your crotch in just the right place. You swear up and down that you didn’t mean to but there was a surprised gasp that shouldn’t have left your mouth. It almost sounded like... the thought stilled your body.

atsumu took note of this.

In a low murmur, he leaned incredibly close and whispered, “how’s that pretty pussy of yers feelin right now?”

It sent a violent pink tinge to your cheeks and a bolt of arousal down your spine, your slick spreading against your underwear and the top of his jeanclad knee. A clench of your thighs meant this was going exactly where he wanted it to- his wait was over.

“ ‘m waiting for an answer, princess.” he tutted, his face only getting closer to yours while he applied more pressure against your throbbing vulva.

It was never like this with ‘samu. This... was almost exciting for you. Something teetering the lines of flavorful and troublesome. The little voice in your head was screaming at you but the aching desire in your pussy was louder.

“Ah!- atsumu! what are you doing?” you whimper, trying to hide your face. There were so many thoughts racing through your mind, the logical part of you wanted to hear them all out but in the moment you were so overwhelmed. There needed to be control in such a situation; You tried to shift around to loosen his grip, accidentally applying pressure that was welcoming it the most, causing a breathy moan to escape your lips and your eyes to clamp shut.

“mmm well, you’re so focused on my brother, i thought i’d show you what you were missin if you started payin more attention to me.” You could hear the smirk in his voice and you whine. This position was so compromising.

He trailed the hand that weighed down your waist up the curves of your side and took your jaw in his hand. He turned your face and when you peeked open your eyes, your gaze was met with his.

“I want you to cum on my thigh.”

Eyes wide, you tried shaking your head to no avail. His grip was so strong. “Atsumu no!! Osamu’s gonna get back and dinner is gonna be done soon and just- no!” You squeal.

“Y’still have time,” he said calmly, “ ‘samu’s probably checkin on dinner... so yeh better start... or else. Y’know what? I could just continue this though dinner. Slide my hand up ye’thigh under the table...” he started, letting go of your face and ghosting his hand down your body. The thought of his big hands palming over your clit while a finger is dipped into your warm pool flashed in your mind. You clenched, and boy, he felt it.

“Mmm, did my pretty girl think about my fingers- fingers that could reach places yours can’t?” He grinned as he watched you follow his hand with your eyes. “maybe you’d like it if i play with your clit under the table, hm? right next to my brother-”

“no no! here. right now.” is all you could manage to get out. your head was swimming with all that could happen, it only got hazier when you felt the pressure on your cunt lessen- you wanted it back. “Ts-sumu.. i..”

“i know, i know... but first i want you to cum on my thigh if you want my fingers that badly. I want you whiny and desperate, rubbing that pretty cunt all over me. Moaning my name.”

That’s how you found yourself stuffed in your small closet, you desk chair pulled away from its rightful place,

With his throbbing cock fighting against the cage of his pants and heavy pants leaving his lips, his hands could only find relief on your waist- assisting you in your delishious movements.

His noises weren’t the only ones to be heard, you were trying so hard to contain them but nothing is coming of it. Short little high pitched whines rung in Atsumu s ears- but what really got him were the whimpers of “fuck tsumi,” when the angle hit your clit just right and the squeeze of his biceps as you threw your head back. As soon as he experienced that, he needed you to cum right then and there. And not on his thigh.

“Nope- fuck, we’re switching it up,” he mumbled as he stopped your hips from grinding down. Your mind was a mess but all you could think about in your extremely aroused state was that you needed to cum.

“Atsumu wh-“ before you could even finish your question, he unzipped his pants and uncovered himself from his boxers, his angry cockhead slapping his torso and smearing pre-cum on his skin.

“On- now, Princess.”

There was no need for protests; he was expecting one to come out but instead he felt your soft hands lightly grip his bulging head and give a few strokes before all he heard in that cramped, dark closet was, “you’re so .. big.”

Eyes wide, a garbled moan left his mouth and next thing he knew, you were repositioning till his tip lined with your sopping entrance. He couldn’t take it, he thrusted upward as you sunk down. A shocked moan ripped out of both of you and in the moment of silence that followed afterwards, you could hear the floorboard creek.

Apparently Atsumu did too because his actions stopped and one of his hands left your hips to presumably cover your mouth. You presumed wrong.

Your closet door slid open to reveal a wide eyed Osamu palming himself.

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sakasakiii · 3 years

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rin... bestie... i'm just saying if you'd ever do a silmarillion tarot deck (even if its just a major arcana one) i would be the first one on the kickstarter 👉🏻👈🏻 or if you do commissions like that though i have no idea how to even print tarot cards otl

nonnie.... bestie....! first off i am so SO stoked to receive such a kind message 😭😭 gosh seriously!! im really grateful for all the support and feedback i've gotten on the tarot series since Feanorian Week, and your words absolutely knocked the wind outta me 💓

now all jokes aside, back in March i honestly did fantasize about one day printing those tarot designs as cards one day! unfortunately, i too have like ZERO idea on how to print or contact companies or even if those pieces are good enough to print??, so for now that's yet another pipe dream of mine for the future heheh 👉🏻👈🏻 but ur kickstarter offer is DHDDJDK SO SWEET i am literally a melting pile of mess rn GAHHHH 😭💓

i did play around with Redbubble some time ago though, so I do offer them as tiny stickers here ! though, i have formatting issues with the postcards/greeting cards i still cant fix so the borders are very wonky. so stickers and magnets are the best I can do for now...!

and in terms of that tarot series, i actually did plan to finish the rest- for example, 'the Devil' (Melkor), 'the Lovers' (Beren/Luthien), 'Temperance' (Finrod), 'Tower' (Turgon), 'Chariot' (Glorfindel/Ecthelion), etc... but I have been SO busy and ig it just kinda slipped my mind til you brought it up 😂

so about commissions!! as of now, i don't think I can accept any for these two months (July-August) bc I still need to finish off the last of my TRSB pieces and some commissions I received in June, but I may be freer in the upcoming months!

still nonnie, I'm super flattered you asked- thank you so much!! 🥺🥺❤️ i'd hate to disappoint you so im really sorry i cant deliver atm, but if you're still interested in the future you know who to hit up ;) ;)

#rin replies #anon asks #i am emotionally constipated so my apologies for the excessive emoji spamming #but ur message rly made me smile nonnie thank UUUUU <3 <3 #if i like misinterpreted the question in any way #or didnt answer the original question #feel free to tell me!!!#i have a track record of misunderstanding things so bonk me if im taking an L here lmao

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trensu · 4 years

Text

Episode 48: The One where JGY and SS Host a Pity Party and Everyone Wishes They Hadn't

The show just dunks us right into yunmeng bro feelings again

jc's all should i get on my knees and thank you?

and wwx is like i never wanted your thanks

and now jc is just spilling his insecurities all over the place

Blah wwx was always better than him blah blah everyone liked wwx more blah blah DADDY ISSUES blah blah blah

and wwx just looks more and more hurt as all this bitterness is pouring out of his little brother 😞

i mean even jl was like hey uncle, maybe don't do that???

lwj is glaring at jc the whole time ofc

and jc gets so mad he tries to start a physical fight EVEN THO HE HAS A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST

which is actually quite hilarious if you ignore how utterly heartbreaking the yunmeng bros relationship is

thankfully jl and lxc hold him back (not that he could've gone very far bc again GAPING STAB WOUND)

and ofc lwj has to throw in his two cents

lwj: clan leader jiang. Discretion

oh lwj, a man of few words

Oh no, ohno, oh nooooo, jc’s starting on their oath oh god

“YOU SAID THAT I WOULD BE THE CLAN LEADER AND YOU WOULD BE MY SUBORDINATE. YOU WOULD ASSIST ME FOR LIFE”

“SO WHAT IF THE TWIN JADES OF GUSU ARE THERE. WE WERE THE TWIN HEROES OF YUNMENG”

*GROSS SOBBING*

CAN I TOO GET A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST BC I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WOULD HURT LESS

OH GOD WWX'S EYES ARE ALL RED

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. YOU TREAT ME LIKE A LITTLE FOOL."

OH THIS HURTS SO MUCH

that last bit, tho. i can't even hold that against him bc wwx DID lie to him. he DID neglect to trust him and his judgement.

he took jc's choice away and made it for him, and that's not cool.

and, like, i get it, I do bc i would probably want to do the same thing wwx did if i were in a similar situation with my own siblings

BUT STILL

jc: shouldn't i hate you? can't i hate you?

WHICH REALLY JUST TELLS ME THAT HE DOESN'T HATE WWX

HE WOULD NOT BE THIS TORN UP, THIS TEARFUL MESS, IF HE DIDN'T STILL LOVE HIS BROTHER AND WANT HIM BACK

this whole time jc is inching towards wwx, getting closer and closer until he's close enough to punch him if he wanted

Jc does make a sudden sharp movement towards wwx

Which obvs has lwj jolting forward to protect wwx

But wwx IMMEDIATELY puts a hand on lwj's knee

jin ling darts forward to hold his uncle and is like, hanguang jun, my uncle's hurt!!

BC JC IS THE ONLY NOT EVIL AND/OR DEAD FAMILY HE HAS LEFT

AND EVEN JL KNOWS THAT LWJ IS SO VERY WILLING TO HURT ANYONE WHO HURTS WWX

I AM HAVING TOO MANY EMOTIONS

jc's angry and hurting and is like i'm not afraid of lwj, come at me bro

lwj GLARES at him, brow furrowed and mouth pinched

jc: why? why wwx? why didn't you tell me?

oh god, he's not even yelling anymore, he's just fucking crying and i'm crying and there's just wet icky tears everywhere

wwx takes a shuddery breath and tells him it's bc he didn't want to see him like this

JC: you said i would be clan leader and you would be my subordinate. you would assist me for life. you'd never betray the jiang clan. you said it yourself

HE'S NOT YELLING. HE'S NOT EVEN ANGRY

his voice is weak, and shaky, and weepy and he's just so, so hurt

AND I'M A SOBBING MESS

and wwx swallows passed the lump in his throat but his voice still sounds a bit raw when he speaks

wwx: i'm sorry. i broke my promise.

FUCK

FUCKING HELL

MY YUNMENG BROS

jc: we've reached this point. i don't need your apology now. i'm not that delicate

STFU JC, YOU BALD-FACED LIAR, "NOT THAT DELICATE"

YOU'RE AS MUCH OF A SOBBING WRECK RN AS I AM

GET A THERAPIST JC

"NOT THAT DELICATE" I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. GOD. NOT THAT DELICATE

JC: i'm sorry

*sobsobsobsob* MY YUNMENG BROS

wwx: don't apologize to me. that's what i owed the jiang clan.

here wwx closes the distance between them to place a hand on his brother's arm

HUG HIM GOD DAMN IT, LET MY YUNMENG BROS HAVE A PROPER HUG

wwx: as for this matter, please don't keep it in your heart.

and he goes on to say smth like i know you probably won't let go, but it's water under the bridge, that was all stuff that happened in my past life

AND THEN HE REACHES UP AND GENTLY WIPES AWAY JC'S TEARS WITH HIS THUMB

AND GIVES HIM A SWEET LITTLE SMILE

AND I'M DYING. MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH I'M DYING

I SHOULD'VE KEPT A BOX OF TISSUES NEAR ME, MY SLEEVES ARE ALL SNOTTY AND DISGUSTING NOW, DAMN IT ALL

AND THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST 10 MIN OF THE EPISODE WTF

I’VE BEEN REDUCED TO A SNIFFLING WEEPING MESS IN 10MIN FLAT WTF

yunmeng bro moment ends (thank god) and we cut to the next scene where nhs is oh so conveniently regaining consciousness

now all the diggers are screaming to remind us that oh yeah, there's like Plot Stuff here, it's not just about the yunmeng bros

ss gives jgy some meds bc he's hurt or smth, who gives a damn

our boys follow jgy back to the dig site for Plot Reasons

and SURPRISE!! we have nmj's no-longer-headless dead body!!

lwj and wwx look at each other like WTF??

oooooh boy, nhs gave jgy the dirtiest look

wwx is being Clever again and pointing out Plot Relevant Things

ss gets all offended and holds wwx at sword point

but there's lwj with bichen in its scabbard, one step in front of him and ready to block anything ss sends their way bc lwj is not gonna let wwx get hurt if he can help it

ss is all like wwx you set him up! And wwx’s face is like, i aint even bovvered

wwx: i'm saying this with all modesty, but if i were the one who set him up, i'm afraid he wouldn't have just gotten one arm hurt

HOT DAMN

LOVE MY SUNSHINE BOY

and here my sunshine boy is being all Clever again and laying out all the facts and explaining how there's a 3rd party involved in all this

LOLOLOL HE'S REALLY PLAYING THIS UP FOR JGY TOO

he's like, there might be a predator behind you, the guy who's been spying on you this whole time...HE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HUMAN

oh wwx, so Dramatic™

but hey it's working bc jgy looks spooked as hell

LOLOLOL

HE SEES JGY START FREAKING OUT AND HE LOOKS OVER TO LWJ AND GRINS AT HIM LIKE, HEY LAN ZHAN, SEE WHAT I DID, LOL, I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS LOSER, DID YOU SEE?

oh, now wwx and jc are bound by the wrists but not lwj, for some reason?

Which, rude, why deny lwj the chance to be tied up? Let him try new experiences! What if he likes to be tied up?

NOW HE’LL NEVER KNOW BC YOU DIDN’T LET HIM TRY IT

jgy and ss have a moment that i don't care about but i have to mention it

bc RIGHT AFTER we see our precious beautiful sunshine boy lean WAY into lwj's space to talk shit about them

like, seriously, just a couple inches more, and wwx would be resting his cheek on lwj's shoulder

IT'S WONDERFUL AND I WISH HE'D GET EVEN CLOSER

shockingly, lwj is NOT as distracted as i would be having wwx that close

bc he's studying ss and SUDDENLY SEES HE'S GOT THE HUNDRED-HOLES CURSE ON HIM

which btw, EWW?? THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING EVER

I REALLY WISH THEY'D STOP SHOWING IT SO MUCH BC IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL

he tells ss to turn around to get a better look and wwx sees it too!! he's like, IT WAS YOU!!!

and for the audience's benefit, nhs goes to lxc and is all what's going on???

lxc and jc gives some exposition about blah blah blah stuff we know about already

amidst all this we keep getting shots of wwx looking stunned and hurt (but still oh-so-beautiful)

wwx: jgy, i didn't do anything against you back then. we were not even that familiar. you wanted to kill jzx. why did you push that on me?

HE LOOKS SO HURT AND ANGRY AND CONFUSED BC WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM? WHY DID JGY HAVE TO USE HIM??

and lwj is watching wwx while he shouts this and god how can he stand watching his soulmate be hurt over and over and over again?? HOW DOES HE COPE?

jgy does a mini Rant of Evil Explanation and ss does a rant about classism

which, if said by literally anybody else, i'd say hm, yes, you have a point

but bc it's said by ss, a spineless coward who never takes responsibility for his own actions, i'm like STFU SS

omg lolololol

ss: would i have been swept out of lan clan like a pile of leaves [if I were highborn]??

AND ICE PRINCE LWJ ANSWERS ALMOST BEFORE SS COULD FINISH ASKING

lwj: Yes.

AND THEN HE LOOKS SS DEAD IN THE EYE

lwj: betrayers won't be tolerated by the lan clan

HELL FUCKING YEAH

YOU WEREN'T KICKED OUT BC YOU WERE LOW-BORN, SS

YOU WERE KICKED OUT BC YOU'RE A TRAITOROUS COWARD

and like, i need to point out that lwj is sitting cross legged on the ground right now (along with wwx, ofc) and ss is standing over him while ranting

and YET, the way lwj holds himself and the way he speaks, does in no way indicate that he's at a disadvantage here

dude's unflappable. JADE OF LAN, INDEED

ss is like i am so sick of your condescending attitude

then he's like just bc i made that one little mistake you could never forgive me!!

FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

LITTLE? LITTLE MISTAKE???

HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED BC OF YOU SS?

HOW MANY DIED BC YOU BETRAYED THEM??

ss continues to rant and starts to go off his rocker

and then wwx starts to laugh but it's not a happy laugh

it is, in fact, a laugh very similar to the laugh we heard in The One where the Moonlit Rooftop Betrays Us

ss is like, what's so funny???

wwx: nothing. i just didn't expect...

AND HE'S GETTING TEARY HERE EVEN AS HE LAUGHS

WWX: i didn't expect you to get so many people killed just for...just for this

HE LOOKS SO DISILLUSIONED

MY POOR PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

THE WORLD KEEPS DISAPPOINTING HIM

omg i want to RING JGY'S NECK WITH ZIDIAN

HE'S GETTING ALL UP IN WWX'S FACE

TELLING HIM THAT NO MATTER HOW KIND OR CHIVALROUS HE IS, HE WILL ALWAYS BE BLAMED FOR ANY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER BELIEVE OR TRUST HIM

FUCK YOU JGY I HATE YOU SO MUCH

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY IS TREMBLING WITH RAGE

bc he knows it's true. ppl really ARE always going to suspect the yiling patriarch.

oooh, jc just defended his brother! sort of.

But it has the unfortunate side effect of drawing jgy’s attention

so now jgy is cutting into jc

god jgy talks a lot. stfu jgy.

wwx has been teary eyed on and off this entire episode so far but hasn't actually cried

but jgy is now belittling all of jc's work, all the effort he put in to rebuilding lotus pier, implying that he wouldn't have been able to do if not for wwx

and that's the breaking point, that's what makes wwx finally shed a tear.

lwj is watching wwx, as always, and sees wwx cry

he must feel utterly helpless

ooooh, MY CLEVER SUNSHINE BOY

EVEN AMIDST ALL THIS TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL PAIN, HE PICKED UP ON JGY'S TRIGGER WORD(S)

wwx: just a "son of a whore" made you talk so much

oooh jgy tries to leave but wwx stops him in his tracks by asking him how he killed nmj

and then he's like "aren't you afraid?"

CHILLS, MAN, I'M GETTING CHILLS AT HOW HE DELIVERS THIS

SO CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED YET TINGED WITH A THREAT

jgy: afraid of what? (lol he whirls around angrily like the Drama queen he is)

wwx leans forward and looks him dead in the eye

wwx: afraid of him coming back to you

AND THE SMIRK HE WEARS

THAT'S THE SMIRK OF THE YILING PATRIARCH

He smirks and leans back against the pillar, all easy and relaxed while jgy looks freaked the fuck out

and then

THEN

WWX STARTS TO WHISTLE

RESENTFUL ENERGY COMES IN TO STROKE AT JGY'S ARM ALL MENACINGLY

I'M GETTING CHILLS ALL OVER

THIS IS SUCH A BADASS MOVE ON WWX'S PART

and also, holy shit do i enjoy those close up shots of wwx's eyes and his beautiful beautiful lips

the sound team did a great job making those whistles sound super eerie, btw

i can't get over how cool and confident wwx looks here

he's not worried or bothered AT ALL, this is him doing what he does best

Wait, do i have a competency kink…?

LOL JGY JUST GOT BITCHSLAPPED BY RESENTFUL ENERGY, LOVE IT

wwx has stopped whistling now, which is unfortunate bc that means no more extreme close-ups on wwx's gorgeous features

jgy: yiling patriarch, you're worthy of your title, aren't you?

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT HE IS!

Okay yeah, i guess i have a competency kink now, THANKS A LOT WWX

FUCKING SU SHE JUST TRIED STABBING WWX

LWJ TO THE RESCUE, HELL YEAH

OUR MAN HANGUANG JUN LEAPS TO HIS FEET AND NOT ONLY BLOCKS THE STRIKE

HE FREAKING SLICES SU SHE'S WEAK ASS SWORD IN TWO

THEN FOLLOWS UP WITH A SLICE AT SU SHE'S WRIST

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG JUN

Lwj calmly goes over to wwx and slices off the ropes that were keeping his wrists tied and does the same to jc

wwx goes up to jgy (who's held at sword point by lxc) and calmly takes his weapons

wwx: jgy, hand it over. it's not of much use in your hands.

with a deceivingly dainty clink, Plot Device 3 rolls out of jgy's sleeve and into his hand

then he lets it fall to the ground bc he's a petty bitch that way

we get to see wwx being all Smart Detective and revealing just how long jgy has been planning all this

jgy’s all like even between me and xy we could only create Plot Device 3 half as powerful as Plot Device 2

LOLOL THAT'S BC THE TWO OF YOU ARE WORTHLESS HACKS.

WWX HAS MORE SKILL AND TALENT IN HIS PINKY FINGER THAN THE BOTH OF YOU COMBINED

man there's a lot of Plot Exposition happening and lxc is having Feelings about it.

DON'T FUCKING LOWER YOUR SWORD LXC WHAT ARE YOU DOING

look lxc, i don't mean to sound cruel or heartless or whatever, but omg i do NOT CARE about your complicated Emotions right now

NOT WHEN IT'S GIVING JGY THE OPENING TO MANIPULATE AN ESCAPE

jgy is now being like "oh, i was wrong" and acting all pitiful and TOTALLY PLAYING LXC FOR A FOOL (AGAIN)

wwx: hey, jgy, can't we stop talking? let's just fight? can we just start killing each other?

LOLOLOLOLOL

HE TOTALLY SAW THAT JGY WAS MANIPULATING THE SITUATION AGAIN AND IS LIKE, NOPE, NOT DOING THAT AGAIN

LESS WORDS MORE SWORDS PLZ

LIKE, MY BOY IS JUST DONE. HE IS DONE WITH THIS. LET'S GET TO THE FIGHT NOW THX.

jgy ignores this and keeps talking to lxc AND OMG WWX'S FAAAAACE IS CRACKING ME UP

GOD WORDS ARE NOT GONNA DO IT JUSTICE

HE JUST LOOKS AT JGY FOR A SECOND LIKE, SRSLY BRO? BEFORE ROLLING HIS EYES AND SCRUNCHING UP HIS EYEBROWS LIKE "CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS GUY, JFC"

IT'S SO FREAKING FUNNY OMG

meanwhile jgy continues to throw a pity party that no one likes and the episode ends

There really wasn’t much wangxian time in this episode, fucking jgy and ss decided to HOG ALL THE SCREEN TIME, THOSE PATHETIC WHINY ASSHOLES

but we got a lot of Yungmeng Bros which was painful but waaaay better than anything jgy or ss has to offer

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

81 notes · View notes

thotfuss · 4 years

Note

I kind of agree with the other Annonymous writer, I have both your ex and your feed. She apologizes for the things she did wrong and never says a bad word about you. She fully admits to things. It does feel wrong to keep calling her out as an abuser because she has been getting targeted and crucified because of your words. Is that not just as bad really? Friends and family, of course, will always take your side ALWAYS. You should listen to your heart. I am sure you loved her once.

I’ll be honest, I wrote a really angry stream of consciousness response to this, deleted it, considered not answering this at all, wrote out an actual response, told myself I didn’t owe it to anyone to explain, deleted that, and then wrote it again. Maybe this is my fault for talking about it or referencing it on here, but I never used her url or name, and I never went into detail. I saw it as me using my own blog to express my feelings, which, maybe I shouldn’t have. So I’m sorry if that’s the case. i was never “calling her out,” simply expressing my own feelings on my personal blog, i’m sorry if that was irresponsible. But I am not okay with the messages I’ve been getting lately. This is one of...5 similar ones sitting in my inbox rn? So I am NOT answering this to put my ex on blast or to target and crucify her, and I DON’T owe this explanation to anyone but for my own peace of mind I’m going to explain! (under a read more for abuse tw)

First of all, even if she DID admit to things she did wrong and apologizes for them, it doesn’t make it...not abuse? I seriously doubt she’s getting targeted and crucified, I haven’t posted her URL on here, haven’t even used her NAME, and her family and friends were extremely supportive of her and her actions when all this was happening.

It took me MONTHS to even be able to consider labeling what happened as abuse. Even after my therapist, my family, my friends, EVERYONE who knew about even a FRACTION of what was going on, had said that it was categorically emotional abuse I still felt like i was exaggerating or asking for attention. and to be honest, I still feel like that!

My ex was insecure. I wrote everything that happened off as her being insecure for SO long, because every time I brought up an issue she would say I “wasn’t supporting her,” and that I should “know how it felt” because of my own issues with mental illness. But when I look back at some of the things that happened-I went to visit my sister back in September, and when I told my ex, she threatened to break up with me if I went. She also threatened to break up with me after my sister gave me a string bracelet she’d made me before leaving for college, because my ex thought that if I put it on, I’d be “replacing her.” I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my family in any capacity unless she was there. I wasn’t allowed to have other friends, I wasn’t even allowed to spend time by myself. She got angry if I spent time on homework, if I went home to do laundry, even if I wanted to sleep. She would say I’d rather sleep than spend time with her, so I was averaging 5 hours of sleep on a GOOD night. she lived about 30 minutes away from me, and I work a lot of night shifts.

I would often go home before going to her place to change, feed my frog, etc, and she would get FURIOUS over this. She forced me to keep my location services on at all times, despite my telling her that it made me incredibly anxious and paranoid. If she saw me at my parents’ house, my apartment, the store, ANYWHERE without me having told her that I was going there, she would call me until I picked up and explained.

She forced me to put her fingerprint into my phone so that she could go through my phone whenever she wanted. When I expressed discomfort, I was told both by her and her mother (who genuinely thought everything I’m outlining was an okay way to treat someone, which made it really hard for ME to tell that it wasn’t because I was surrounded on all sides by people telling me the opposite) that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it shouldn’t be an issue. She read through old chats of mine, and got upset about things I’d said to people before I’d even MET her-telling my friends I loved them, etc. She would monitor my social media activity, and if I was active somewhere and hadn’t messaged her back in a few minutes, she would call me repeatedly until I picked up. If I didn’t pick up immediately-If I was in class, at work, asleep, etc, she would later cite that as a reason she couldn’t trust me. There was one morning where I woke up and she had turned my alarm off, and was on my phone scrolling through my phone calls and asking why I had called a certain number the day before but hadn't called her (I had called my dentist's office to reschedule an appointment.) While I was at work, she texted me calling me a fucking asshole and a cheater, based off of this situation alone.

I’m an art major, and I draw a lot! I like drawing portraits, I’ll sketch people in class, etc, and when she saw that she would accuse me of being in love with the nameless stranger I’d sketched in the coffee shop or something. She told me that the figure drawing class I was taking was “basically cheating,” to the point that I dropped out of it. She would go through my sketchbook constantly, which is something that’s very personal to me and I told her this. She once again cited that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it should be fine. She got angry at me for drawing fictional characters, even guys, which. I’m a lesbian! But she would get jealous and have a meltdown.

She CONSTANTLY accused me of looking at other girls in public, even though I truly never was. I was driving us home from somewhere once, and looked in my sideview mirror to merge lanes, and she thought I was checking out the girl who was walking by on the sidewalk and blew up at me. Multiple times, she would get upset at me while we were driving somewhere and try to jump out of my moving car over an issue such as the one I just mentioned.

She would get mad when I wore makeup to class or work, or even dresses or nice clothes. I would tell her that I just LIKED that dress, or that I just enjoyed doing makeup, and she would say I was only doing it to ‘impress other girls.’ On the other hand, she got upset several times when I DIDN’T wear makeup when we went out, because she said I wasn’t making an effort for her.

She got upset at me when I didn’t finish meals, which she said triggered her own issues. I explained several times that my own anxiety (not food-related, just general) messed with my appetite a LOT, and made it hard for me to eat sometimes.

She also gets mad when I don't finish my food, and stuff like that. I get that that's because of her eating disorder, obviously, but she still takes it out on me. All of this, when I react defensively or show that I'm hurt by her accusations, she says that i'm not giving her the "reassurance" she needs.

When I brought any of this up, she would have a melt down and cite her insecurities and mental health issues. I have major anxiety and depression issues, I've been hospitalized for it before and go to therapy once a week and am also on a lot of medication for it. When I had depressive episodes, bad days, or anxiety attacks, she would often get mad at me, and said I was sulking, or she said that it must mean I didn’t love her because she didn’t make me happy enough. I usually ended up comforting her over it.

On the anxiety note, I also tend to break out in a rash on my chest and neck when I'm anxious, and I will clarify that this looks NOTHING like hickeys. My neck gets red and blotchy, and I get itchy. when this happens, she LOST it every time without fail, melting down and telling me over and over "stop lying! just tell me who it was who did you do this with," etc, etc.

She told me that if we broke up, she would probably let her own mental health issues get worse, and would stop eating all together. She also flat out LIED about this when I brought it up later, saying that I was the one who had threatened to hurt myself if we broke up. She told me this, and other people this, and made up similar stories, so much that I started to believe it. I was apologizing for my own existence by the end of it, for every word out of my mouth, I was going crazy. I didn’t even REALIZE how bad it was, until I mentioned to my sister that I hadn’t driven the 30 mins over to her house one night due to the bad weather, and she had called me and called me until I picked up, forced me to send her pictures of the roads(?) and then said she’d “rather have someone who would drive on bad roads for her.” This wasn’t even near the worst thing that had happened, but the fact that my sister CRIED over that made me take a step or two back. And I left. Like...a few weeks after that. and it was HARD, it was the hardest thing I”ve EVER had to do, because i GENUINELY thought I was condemning someone to die. Like she fucked me up that bad! I still feel guilty. But I did it! She told me that nobody else would ever love me like her, that nobody would accept my mental health issues, etc, but guess what! I did it!

And she STILL tried to contact me, refused to leave me alone, showed up at my WORK with a letter and flowers wanting to work it out (and sure she says this was romantic, whatever, but she forced me to unblock her number and hug her and now cites that as me “still feeling the same”) and made like...several different accounts to message me on here after I kept blocking the new ones she made.

I have NO idea what she’s saying about me, and I don’t care. I want more than anything to move on. I hope she’s happy, I do! I get really, really, angry about it sometimes and I feel horrible for the way her isolating me made me cut off some very important people in my life. I’m still hurting, but i’m HAPPY. I want to move on, I don’t want this to be who I am, it doesn’t define me and I’d love to move on and meet other people and not have this fucking haunting me! And she keeps finding ways to bring it up. I wish her no ill will, and I”m not saying she’s a bad person. I’m not! But I am entitled to my feelings in the matter, I”m allowed to say that it sucked, I’m ALLOWED to say that it was abuse because there are things that happened that I haven’t even told my therapist, because it’s too hard to think about. I’m allowed to move on. Please, please allow me to move on.

I’m not going to answer anything else about this, maybe I shouldn’t have talked about it in any capacity on here, maybe that’s my fault. But please stop messaging me about it.

#abuse

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opheliasbrokenmind · 5 years

Text

a love that should have lasted for years - tommy shelby

word count: 2.7K+

a/n : omg i really can’t believe rn i’m finally sharing this one with you. confession: this was my first draft for peaky blinders and i just finished writing. i hope you’ll like that one. i’m always open and waiting for your requests <3

‘what happened had happened, you can’t fix me’ he said, without a sign of emotion on his beautiful face. ‘at least I can try’

Thomas Shelby. You repeated his name in your mind, over and over. You couldn’t help but remember the memories. The memories that once good ones, but now you were afraid of them. Tommy was your best friend. You grew up together, you were living with your father in Small Heath and that’s where you met him. He was three years older than you but the age difference never was an issue between you two. You first saw him at school and it didn’t take much time to you became close friends. He always treated you like you’re his sister, like you’re family.

Well, you can’t know just one Shelby, right? Soon you met with his brothers, Arthur and John. Then he introduced you to his aunt, Polly. She always treated you like you were her daughter, and of course, you already knew Ada. Tommy and you were always together, he often came to your house. Your father didn’t like him at first, he thought he was a silly boy who has bad intentions for his daughter. But after a few times, he realised that he was all wrong. The way Thomas treated you, his kind smiles and gentle gestures for you made your father like him. He saw Thomas as his own son, always made sure that he is alright.

Thomas was quite shocked when your father patted his shoulder proudly, he couldn’t help but the tears were already in his deep blue eyes. You noticed something was wrong. Instantly you held his hand and ran out. Once you arrived at your secret place, he tried to hide his watery eyes but he failed when you hugged him tightly. He was nearly sixteen when this happened, you were thirteen. You asked what was wrong and he told you everything, all the things his cruel father did to him and his siblings. Your breath got caught in your throat while you listened to him. That was the day you promised Tommy, you said that you’ll always be there for him.

You were kids, but life wasn’t that simple and things changed. You didn’t realise you had fallen for him until you were fifteen. It took almost five years to understand what you felt but when you accepted it, it was too late. Your father passed away and when your uncle came to the funeral, he said that you have to move their house in Liverpool. You refused him but he didn’t listen to you. His wife came to your room to pack up your things, you ran from home to find Tommy. When you found him in a pub, he was silent. Then he realised that you were crying and he furrowed. You left the pub and went to his place.

You told what your uncle said to you, said that you don’t want to go but you had to. He didn’t want to make things harder for you but he felt his heart broke. He couldn’t help but yell and you cried more. Once you were both silent, you spoke. ‘I... I don’t want to confess this now but I know that I won’t have a chance later. I love you, Tommy. I understand that you see me as a sister, as a friend but I couldn’t help but feel that way. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ You finally decided to look at him.

His eyes were wide open and you saw the shocked expression on his face. You blushed deeply, already regretting what have you done. Then he lifted up your chin and with his other hand, he wiped the tears away. He brushed your cheek with his thumb and leaned to you. ‘I love you too, y/n.’ was all he said before connecting his lips with yours. It was a soft kiss, a very smooth one. He gently touched your neck and you melted into the kiss. When you broke the kiss you gasped for air, your breaths unsteady. You were both blushed this time and he walked with you to your home. Before leaving, you hugged him tightly, whispered that you love him and promised him that you’ll come back for him. You shared a quick kiss and you didn’t mind your uncle.

You moved to Liverpool and wrote him letters, nearly every day. Tommy never wrote back. One year later you gave up but never spent a day without thinking about him. You still wore the bracelet he gave to you, you still remembered your memories. You studied psychology at college and even worked with some soldiers after the war. With your patients’ words, you couldn’t imagine what people had been through. You never wanted to think that Tommy was dead, a part of you always wanted to believe that he was alive. But you couldn’t go there because you were afraid. What if he forgot you? What if he died in the war?

Someday one of your professors from college called you and said that he had a job for you. You accepted his offer without thinking, but then you realised that you have to move Small Heath for the job. You didn’t want to make the professor disappointed so you packed up your things and took a train. Now you were walking in the streets, the air was thick and it was hard to breathe. It was just like how it was when you were a child. You left your suitcases in a hotel and went to a pub called Garrison.

When you came in there the men looked at you hungrily, you rolled your eyes and continued to walk. You ordered a glass of wine and sat one of the chairs near where the bartender stood. You realised that one of the men was preparing to make an attempt to you, but a voice stopped him. ‘Don’t you fucking dare to touch her.’ It was a woman and her voice was sharp. You turned to her and saw her face, her eyes were so familiar. You knew these eyes, darker than Tommy’s... Ada Shelby.

‘Ada?’ you whispered and her eyes widened, ‘y/n! You came back??’ She screamed and hugged you tightly. ‘Aw, I missed you, too.’ You said and smiled at her. She was looking at you now, ‘Woah, you look sexy as fuck. I can’t believe you came back.’ You smiled softly, a slight shade of pink covering your cheeks because of her compliment. ‘Well, you look stunning. How are you?’ You asked simply and something changed in her expression. She called the man who serves drinks, ‘Harry, can you bring us a bottle of whiskey and two glasses? Thanks.’

The man quickly brought the alcohol for you and Ada poured the drinks. ‘Trust me, love. We will need it.’ she said and after taking a sip from her drink, she told you everything. She explained what happened to her brothers after the war, the Peaky Blinders and what happened to Thomas. ‘After you left Birmingham, he dealt with a broken heart. He never forgot you but he started to make out with random girls and... She liked a girl, her name was Greta and she died. Then the boys went to war, they came back as men. Yeah, the war affected all of them but Tommy...’ She filled the glasses with whiskey again and took a long sip before continue.

‘Thomas was a completely different person, he never is the same since then. The last time I remember him chuckling was the last time I saw you two together. He changed y/n, and not in a good way. He’s just smoking and drinking all day. I don’t think he sleeps, he is a complete mess. He has problems, not simple ones and he is going worse. Believe me. Now his wife is dead and he is all alone in that big fucking house with Charlie. Poor kid doesn’t even know her mother is dead. I hope you won’t regret coming here, love. Maybe...’ She stopped talking and finished her drink, not looking at you. ‘Maybe what, Ada?’

She hesitated before talking, ‘Maybe you can save him, I don’t know. Maybe you’re his last chance? Please help him, please.’ You couldn't respond, just nodded. Ada gave you a little smile, ‘You can come to me whenever you want, now I have to go. I didn’t see Karl for hours.’ Then she left the pub, leaving you all alone. The things you heard were just too much for you. You felt awful about Thomas, not only as a friend. As a psychologist.

You already knew that his childhood was full of traumas. When you left him all alone, things got worse. After the girl’s death, he was probably shocked and then he went to war. The war... You couldn’t imagine what he’d been through, the pain he felt. Peaky Blinders only triggered the violence inside of him. Like these weren’t enough, his wife passed away and he was alone again with a son. There was no doubt that he had mental problems and also drinking and smoking addictions.

You had no idea about what to do, so you decided to pour yourself another drink. When you finished it, you left the pub. It was afternoon, you went back to the hotel and changed your clothes. You wore a simple dress and your dark coat. You didn’t wear makeup, you didn’t need to. Your hair was shining, you sighed and called a car. You said the address Ada gave you, you were going to Tommy’s house. What were you going to tell him? You felt extremely nervous. The thought of a suffering Thomas made you shiver. He didn’t deserve any of this, you remembered the young boy always made you smile. When the car stopped you paid the money and the man left.

In front of you, there was a big house with a really big garden. The house looked glorious, you slowly walked to the door. When you knocked on the door nobody answered it. ‘Hello?’ you shouted but there was no response. You pushed the door and it swung open, you called again. After closing the door you walked and found a closed door. It could be his office, you took a deep breath and opened the door.

As you entrance to the room a voice stopped you, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ Tommy growled, his voice was deeper than you remembered. You finally looked at him and your breath got caught in your throat. You thought that he recognised you because his face softened for a moment, then he suddenly frowned. ‘I’m seeing hallucinations now, right? Fuck! I didn’t even see her since she left, that’s my imagination. FUCK! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!’ He shouted and you stood there, frozen.

He closed his eyes and you walked slowly, ‘You’re not imagining this. It’s me, y/n.’ You said, not wanting to scare him. ‘What, you’re a new whore who’s offering me to act as my first love? They told me that they could be my dead wife but, that’s new. I’m not willing to fuck now, eh, you can fuck off.’ He spoke and looked at the door, showing you what he wanted. ‘Thomas, it’s me. I’m serious... I’m back, don’t you remember? I promised you that I’ll come back. I came back.’ He snorted, ‘Oh, you came back then? What does that fucking mean actually? You came back to who? To the boy you thought you loved when you were fifteen?’ His cold eyes stood on your small figure and he continued.

‘To the boy you never bothered to write a fucking letter? Was it that hard? You could send me a fucking sentence, but you didn’t. I thought you were dead. The fifteen-year-old girl I once knew is dead to me, just like that stupid boy. So, tell me, why are you here? What do you want?’ You listened to him as your lips parted, shock captured your face. ‘Y-you didn’t get my letters? I wrote to you, of course, I did. Nearly every day, for a year but you never wrote me back. That’s why I stopped writing to you, thought you didn’t want me in your life anymore.’

‘How could you think that I don’t want you in my life? I loved you y/n, I really did. But we are not kids anymore.’ His voice was sharp like it could cut you in half. ‘I didn’t come here to live our feelings again, I came for my job. I didn’t even know you were ...’ You waited for a moment and he interrupted with a question, ‘Didn’t think that I was alive, eh? Why’s that?’ You glanced away, ‘Cause I thought if you were alive, you would do something to find me.’ He lit himself a cigar and smiled, ‘I tried, love. I tried so many times before giving up. You can’t do anything. What happened had happened, you can’t fix me’ He said, without a sign of emotion on his beautiful face.

‘At least I can try.’ You insisted, ‘I’ll work in the psychology clinic here, come and see me. Maybe we can talk?’ You walked to his desk and left your card on it. ‘You think I’m insane now? Just go, please.’ You didn’t have an answer so you left the house. It was worse than you thought. He watched you leave and once you left the room, he took the card. ‘y/n y/l/n. Psychologist.’ He smiled when he saw your surname, so you didn’t marry anyone. He lit another cigar and let the thoughts confuse his mind.

***

It was nearly eight in the evening, he knew where you’d be. He knew because after you left, the place became his secret. Tommy often found himself there, thinking about you and the chances you two never had. When he arrived you were already there, sitting under the tree you used to sit when you were just kids. ‘I knew you’d come here.’ You said, pointing him your side by your shoulder and he sat next to you, taking his cap off. ‘This place became my escape after you left.’ Your smile faded, ‘I’ll tell you something but first promise me you won’t do anything.’

‘I don’t promise things I can’t keep, y/n. Just say it.’ You sighed, looking down at your hands as he watched you. ‘I went to a pub after leaving your house, ran into Polly there. We... spoke.’ He arched an eyebrow, ‘About what?’ You looked at everything but him, ‘You and... The letters. Looks like they arrived here, but she didn’t want you to know. She said she was sad and afraid for you, she didn’t want to make things harder for you.’ You finally looked at him, finding a cold expression on his face, ‘You’re telling me that she fucking lied to me all these years? She told me that you forgot me, didn’t even care.’

‘I waited for years, Tom. I swear. But after the war, just thought you were dead.’ He rolled his eyes, ‘I sometimes wish I was.’ Worry captured your face, ‘How could you say this? There are people that love you, Tommy. They care about you.’ Thomas looked at you, tried to understand if you were really serious. He cracked a smile, ‘Right, ey? They care about me and in return, I fucking ruin their lives.’ He lit a cigar and inhaled the smoke slowly. ‘You’re wrong. I heard you are making the business legal, working at your hardest.’ He cut you off with his eyes.

‘I don’t know if you know but my life’s hell. I don’t expect you to stay.’ You shake your head, ‘I’m not an angel, you know that. I’ll stay because I’m here for helping people. Because you were once my friend and I loved you, Tommy.’ His face lightened a little bit, ‘Do you really think we can be friends again?’ You smiled, ‘We’ll try and see what happens.’ Thomas looked at you, ‘If only the things were different... We could’ve been happy if we had the chance, y/n.’ You nodded, taking his right hand in your small ones. ‘A love that should have lasted for years.’

Thomas came close to you and pressed his lips to your cheek, his mouth felt warm on your skin. ‘Better stand up now. I hope you have some good drinks in that clinic of yours. There’s a lot to catch up and it won’t be easy.’

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

#rambles #i dont even feel like explainig any of this stuff more if it was unclear #bc trying to re-tell what ppl from bureaucracies told me and each nd every thing explained is so complex

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letitrainathousandflames-archive · 4 years

Text

Fandom: Star Wars (TCW)

Ship: Fives/Reader

Warnings: dom/sub elements, rough sex, kind of a hatefuck that develops into something softer, smut, p*rn with a bit of plot

Summary: A long long LONG time ago I got a request for a Fives/Reader fic where Reader and Fives kinda dislike each other at first. I started writing it like a year ago. I procrastinated a LOT and only finished it now. While procrastinating on a different fic. I might have adhd. the end

“I issue the orders, and you two are supposed to follow them to the letter!”

“No, I’m not, not when some self-absorbed nat-born from the military is trying to put my men in danger!”

“Your men were perfectly safe!”

“That was only because I followed Captain Rex’s orders!”

“Which were the same as mine! I demand your respect, trooper!”

“It’s ‘ARC Trooper’ to you, miss!”

“Well, it’s ‘Captain’ to you, sir! And as a captain, I outrank you!”

There is a deep sigh coming from behind you, and both of you turn to look at Echo, that is getting up from his bunk with his datapad in his hand, clearly too fed up with all the noise from your argument.

“Actually, the three of us have the same rank. Captains from the military branch are equivalent to ARC Troopers from the clone army.” he shrugs “It’s… all in the regulations. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You can see in his face that, yes, he did, and you try to lower your voice despite your anger.

“Well, who would you say is in charge, then, ARC trooper Echo? It’s my commander, and by extension, myself, right?”

Echo looks from you to Fives, tapping his finger on the back of his datapad with an anxious look on his face.

“Uh… actually it’s both captain Rex and your commander, sir. We are part of a joint task force until this mission is over. I mean it’s technically over, the threat has been eliminated, but until we leave the planet you two should try to get along. Why don’t you turn your coolers on, Fives, and maybe you two can work your differences? Now if you will excuse me, I’m gonna find another room to stay for the night, somewhere quieter.”

And without another word, Echo turned on his heels and left, letting the door slide shut behind him. You scrunch your face in confusion.

“Did he say ‘turn your coolers on’?”

Fives waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.

“It’s an expression. Our helmet cooling systems, to ‘cool my head’. That di’kut.”

Yeah, judging by his tone, you don’t need that one last word to be translated.

“Well.” You say, straightening yourself up “I have nothing to turn my coolers about. You, on the other hand, are an insubordinate deey-kut.”

Fives seems angry at first but his expression breaks into a smirk.

“Wait, I’m a what?”

You stutter, feeling your face hot. Maybe that wasn’t the best time to give your very first try at mando’a.

“I said what I said.” And you swallow down, voice dropping to a murmur “Deey-kut.”

And now fives is positively laughing, corners of his eyes wrinkling up a little under the wide smile spreading over his lips. You perk up, your face feeling even hotter.

“May I know what are you laughing at?!”

Fives clearly makes an effort to stop laughing, flashing his tongue over his lips to then press them into a line. Something inside you seem to bloom at the sight of his charming smile as he combs his fingers through his hair – oh no, he’s... actually quite attractive. How are you only noticing this now?

“Nothing, it’s... your accent, it’s kinda...”

He keeps laughing. You mentally scold yourself, wishing you could stop staring, but it seems to get worse by the minute. His sharp cheekbones. His golden-brown eyes. His facial hair. Hells, even the tattoo of a number five on his temple.

Time to pull the breaks on this.

“W-well” oh great, you couldn’t just not stutter, could you? “I’m going to my room! Can’t wait to get out of this rock and away form you, mr. ARC Trooper.”

Fives’ smile turns into an annoyed frown.

“Great.” he says sharply “The feeling is mutual!”

“Ugh!” you turn on your heels, marching to the door

“Ugh!” Fives echoes behind you, and you don’t know if he’s genuinely annoyed of if he’s just mocking you

Doesn’t matter, you think to yourself as you’re walking down the corridor and stopping by your dorm’s door. Now you would finally be able to shower and sit down for some rest.

At least that’s what you think when you open the door and see your commander by one side of the dorm - who had been designated as your roommate during your stay on the planet – sitting on her bed and looking at you with a puzzled look on her face, and on the opposite side… there is Echo - you recognize the his white-and-blue kama – lying on your bed with his datapad held loosely in his hand, and he seems to be sound asleep.

“What is he doing here, sir?” you hiss out to your commander and she shrugs

“I told him it was your bed.” she murmurs “But he said you and ARC Fives weren’t letting him read so he laid there and… fell asleep, it seems.”

You let an indignant noise through your nose.

“Well, sir, I’m waking him up and sending him away.”

Your commander shrugs.

“I don’t care. I’m just glad we’ll be leaving this planet soon. I can’t stand another day working with these lunatics. That tattooed one, Hardcase, almost drove me insane. I think he isn’t familiar with the concept of ‘stealth’.”

You nod in agreement, and when you walk up to Echo and you see his lips parted, notice how he’s snoring softly, you stop on your tracks. You know how hard it is for a soldier to catch a break and get some rest. The poor man must be exhausted. You sure can find somewhere else to crash.

“Fine.” you grumble as grab your backpack off the floor, tiptoeing on your way out “Just… let him stay, it’s okay. Excuse me, sir.”

Well, as it turns out, you can’t find another place to crash; all dorms are taken, and some of them are even too full, with some of the clones and your own colleagues lying in sleeping bags on the floor. You and the other higher-ranks, as well as the ARC Troopers and their captains, are the very few ones that got more private rooms with just one roommate instead of a bunch of soldiers snoring around you, and you didn’t quite want to let go of this small perk.

Well, the only comfortable room left would be…

No. No way.

Later, you put down your cup of coffee and sigh, leaving the mess hall. It turns out that you can only stall for so long, and even if you’re not sleepy, you actually need to shower and rest. No choice but to go to the cocky ARC’s room. Just your luck.

Don’t think about his smile. Don’t. Nope. Or how big and strong he seems to be. Definitely don’t think about the way he carries himself, like he’s some irresistible gift from the universe. Don’t think about how pretty he must look all flushed and hot. Not happening.

You give yourself two light slaps to your cheeks. Focus, dumbass.

“ARC Fives?” you call tentatively; no answer

You try to knock on the door but it slides open before you can do it. Oh. It’s unlocked. And by the look of it, the room seems to be empty. Good. Maybe Fives has gone out for some caff himself? Maybe you can even jump in the shower, put on some clean clothes and relax for a while? You pick the bed where Echo had been sitting before and drop your backpack there, shuffling through your belongings…

That’s when the bathroom door slides open, and you look over your shoulder to see ARC Fives walk in wearing nothing but a white towel with the republic’s crest printed on it wrapped around his waist. Your eyes go wide – you try not to stare at his muscular body, the strong biceps and broad chest, the tiny droplets of water trailing from there down to his chiseled abs; your eyes trail lower jutting hipbones and a darker patch of what seems to be neatly trimmed hair peeking out where the fabric met his tanned skin.

You let out a small squeaking noise, turning your face away. The two of you share a prolonged silence that only makes things worse with every passing second.

“I’m sorry.” You gasp out “I... Your friend, the other ARC, he fell asleep on my bed and I don’t have another place to stay for the night, and…”

Fives doesn’t seem to be half as uncomfortable as you are, marching up to his own bed and unzipping the duffle bag there.

“Oh, and you wanna stay here, do you?”

Even ashamed as you are, you roll your eyes and look over your shoulder:

“More like I have t-” but your voice die out in your throat because Fives still has his back turned to you and has removed the towel so that he could get dressed; stars above, what a gorgeous ass he has.

Your deeper, darkest instincts are screaming for you to squeeze it and you mentally slap them. - Your instincts, not his magnificent ass cheeks, that is, even though that would certainly be great. Focus, soldier! Where in the moons is your common sense?

While you still stare, unable to pry your eyes from him even as he pulls his greys over his lovely bubble butt, Fives turns his face to look at you over his shoulder with a smirk.

“Enjoying the view, captain?”

You look away, feeling your cheeks burning, and you scoop your clothes in your arms, stomping away to the bathroom.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I- I should go shower.”

When you lock the door and pull your pants down, it’s not a surprise when you see how soaked your panties are. Curse Fives and his perfect smile, and his gorgeous bubble butt that probably fucking jiggles if you smack it...

Hells, you want him.

But he’s an idiot.

But you want him so bad.

You let your hair downYou then get to the shower and you almost want to punch yourself when your fingers travel down between your thighs, pressing at your engorged nub. But yes, maybe if you rub one out and get off before leaving the shower, the ARC won’t have the same effect on you anymore. You’re just horny, that’s probably it. Yes. Gotta be it.

You go to your regular fantasy, some hot dude grabbing your ass and pulling you down on himself as you straddle him. Oh yeah, that’s nice. You imagine the feeling of stubble rubbing against your cheek. Strange. The hot dude usually doesn’t have facial hair. Or tattoos. Come to think of it, the generic hot dude started looking a lot like Fives. No, no, no, get out, you’re not supposed to be thinking of... and then he laughs, that beautiful laugh but it’s in a rougher version of his voice, stained with lust and need and-

When you finish your shower you’re hornier than you were before, since you weren’t able focus on coming with that man constantly interfering in your fantasies, and it makes you so angry you want to punch something. You dry yourself up and put on your fatigues – you ditch the bra because the moons know how badly you want to let your breasts breathe some after being confined in your sports bra since 5 a.m.

You take some time drying your hair to then tie it back up in a bun again. You dress in your fresh dark grey pants and jacket, leaving it open since you still have your black tank top underneath. Yeah, if Fives wants to strut his stuff in front of you, two can play this game – though you’re not feeling bold enough to go out wrapped in a towel, of course.

When you walk out, Fives is already dressed in his armor from the waist down, wearing only his black shirt from there up; his hair is still wet and it looks like it’s been combed back. He seems to be stuffing his pauldrons and upper armor in his bag, zipping it shut.

“You can have the bedroom if you want, captain. I’ll find somewhere else.”

You stutter, surprised by the offer.

“You don’t have to…” and you straighten your back, clearing your throat “I mean, there are no other rooms available. You and I will have to stay here either way, unless you want to share a mattress with one of the other troopers.”

Fives raises an eyebrow. You swallow down, unable to forget about the sight of his abs and that beautiful ass.

“So.” Fives says, taking a few steps towards you “You’re gonna stay for the night?”

Shit, the way he carries himself. So confident, and almost arrogant. No, definitely arrogant. Fuck, you want him so bad.

“Looks like it.” you say, taking the extra steps to stand right in front of him “Got a problem with that?”

Fives smirks.

“Oh, I don’t have a problem with anything, as long as you recognize that I outrank you.”

You let out an exasperated laugh.

“You do not.”

Fives invades your space, face leaning close to yours.

“Yeah? Why did you jump in that ridge then? Oh right, you were following my orders.”

You look up to him, shaking your head with a mocking grin.

“‘Jump in’? More like ‘got dragged there by an insubordinate soldier’.”

Fives is inches from you now, warm minty breath coming hot over your lips and nose.

“I know you could have just woken Echo up and sent him back here so that you could have the bed in your captain’s room back.” his voice is low, lacking the mocking tone now “There’s no actual reason for you to stay in this room. So what do you really want here, captain?”

His brown eyes flicker from your own eyes to your lips. The ball is in your court now. You have to say something. Fuck. Fuck.

“You.” you murmur, holding his gaze “I want you.”

His eyes are so beautiful, especially when he smiles, as he does now.

“Well,” Fives says with a tiny laugh “we’re agreeing for once, because I want you too.”

You raise your face up to press your lips to his once, a small and chaste kiss. You pull back, staring up at Fives, waiting for a reaction.

There’s a small second during which Fives stares back before smashing his lips to yours, pushing his tongue deep into your mouth as you open up for him. It’s hot, rough and sloppy – and exactly what you wanted. You moan into the kiss, pressing your tongue to his, tasting him. You’re pretty sure you’re messing up, opening too much, and Fives, moons, he’s all tongue and teeth, nibbling at your lower lip; it’s a mess, but soon you start to slow down, trying to understand each other’s pace to an extent.

You pull apart for breath for no longer than a two seconds to then just keep kissing, deep and passionate, Fives’ hands grabbing at the back of your neck and your hands holding his wrists.

You pull back just about enough to try and bite his lower lip, hard, and Fives growls, grinning before sucking your lip into his mouth in turn. His hands move down to your shoulders, pushing you back and you just let him guide you until your back is pressed against the wall.

He pins you in place pressing his chest to yours, cocking his head to the side to kiss and lick your neck, nipping at a tendon there. You mewl and bury your fingers in his hair, tugging at it and pulling him harder on yourself.

“Mmm…”

Fives bites you again, harder this time, with a deep noise rumbling in his throat, and you whimper at the pain-pleasure, your right leg moving to the side so fives can press his codpiece against your groin. Moons above, yes.

Fives pulls back with his hands on the collar of your jacket, tugging it down your shoulder. The eager look on his face is a damn sight to behold that makes you feel worth a billion credits. You can’t wait for him to rough you up good.

“You tell me to stop, we stop, ok?” he murmurs as helps you out of the jacket were it gets caught at your wrists “You know what a safeword is? You got one?”

Oh. He knows his stuff. Stars be blessed, this might be a dumb decision that you’ll regret in the morning, but it’s not that easy to find a respectful man that is also this handsome.

“‘Red’ is fine” you grin at him, letting your jacket drop to the floor “I call ‘red’, hands off me, and the same goes for you. Deal?

Fives nods before slamming you back against the wall. Shit, this is gonna be good.

“Copy that.” and he grabs at the neckline of your tank top “You got a change of clothes? Anything to replace this one?”

“Wha-?” you try to catch your breath “Y-yeah, sure, why…?”

That’s when Fives clenches his fists and tears your top with a sharp tug, ripping it apart halfway down your stomach, exposing your breasts. You’re still trying to recover from how fucking hot that was and Fives just smirks, ripping the rest of your top all the way down and dragging each torn half of it down your shoulders.

“No bra, hmm?” he licks his lips “Well, that makes things easier.”

He runs his palm over your stomach, making you shudder as he moves it upwards to press the curve of his hand under your right breast, feeling it some to then squeeze softly. You whine at that, grabbing Fives’ hips. Ugh, why did your uniforms need to have so many layers?

Your hands shift down to the hem of his shirt, pushing it up; you can feel his abs under your palms, then his broad chest - stars above, what a body - and Fives shudders, raising his arms to allow you to undress him, discarding his shirt on the floor.

He then leans down to suck avidly at your breasts, prying a loud moan out of you. Shit. Shit, he just tore you clothes off, and fuck, you’re so hot for him. Fives bites at your nipples, sucking at the skin of your breasts and making a patchwork of bruises there. You grab at his shoulders, enjoying the rough treatment and squirming in place, encouraging him with small moans and whimpers.

Fives kisses your sternum, licks it over and moves down to your stomach, leaving a trail of wet kisses and hickeys on his way down before he pulls your panties down, helping you step out of them.

Then, without warning, he cups your ass with both his hands and lifts you up against the wall, carelessly throwing both of your legs over his shoulders and straightening himself up.

Now you’re far high in the air with your back against the wall, sitting on Fives’ shoulders as he buries his face into your crotch. His facial hair feels warm and slightly rough against your sensitive skin, and the sensation is driving you crazy.

Hells, how can he be so strong? He’s not even wavering. He’s just holding you up effortlessly and oh, there’s his wet, hot tongue licking over your slit. You grab at his hair again, pressing him down on yourself.

“Oh- Oh, fuck, yes.”

Fives lets a small laugh rumble in his chest and begins sucking at your labia, nibbling at the sensitive skin to then press his lips to your pussy, sucking at your clit. Your legs twitch over his shoulder, and he keeps at it like he’s thirsty for you, tongue pushing inside your folds and lip teasing your clit. His hands keep you steady on his shoulders, and you close your eyes to enjoy the feeling. His goatee rubs against your pussy every time he moves his jaw and it feels so good. Damn, you’re close. If he keeps teasing that spot-

Your hand flies up to try and muffle your scream as you come hard at Fives’ mouth, spasms making your legs jump over his shoulder and you can damn feel him smiling against your skin as he licks and sucks you through it until you drop your shoulders, all muscles going limp, and you rely only on him to keep you in place and not let you fall.

He slowly eases you down, making sure your back is still supported against the wall until your feet can touch the floor. Your shaking legs somehow allow you to stand up, though not very firmly.

Fives licks his lips, his chin and the goatee over it glistening with what can only be your own slickness; he grabs you by your waist, kissing you deeply again. You can taste yourself on his tongue, smell your arousal on him. Fuck. Fuck, he made you come but you’re not even close to being satisfied, not yet.

Fives pulls back and you appreciate it, so you can try to even your breath and make your legs not feel so much like jelly. He unclips his belt and rips his codpiece off, letting it clatter to the floor and quickly undoing his pants, hooking his thumb on the waistband of his greys to push them down just about enough for him to be able to pull his cock out.

He’s hard, very much so, his cock pressed flush to his stomach, the slit already leaking precome, the head reddened and some veins drawn out under the skin of his shaft.

You lick your lips at that positively delicious-looking cock, and you can notice Fives looking at you, enjoying your reaction. Before you can even make a naughty remark about how bad you want to suck him off, Fives grabs your shoulders, pushing you down.

“On your knees.” he orders in a growled tone, and of course you put up a bit of a fight, what fun would it be in just obeying, and it makes him harden his tone, speaking between his teeth “I said on your kriffing knees!”

He grabs roughly at your jaw, forcing you to look up and guiding his cock down to your mouth, pressing the head against your lips until you part them and take him in. You open wide, sucking him in and glaring at Fives. The way he looks at you must be very similar to the way you’re looking at him – a raw, untamed desire that is tainted with something akin to anger but not quite it. A mad wish to undo one another and to become undone by them, in the roughest way possible.

Fives grabs a fistful of our hair by either side of your head and pulls you upwards by it, pushing his length deeper in your mouth. The head of his cock slides over your tongue to then scrape against the roof of your mouth and then push at your throat; your eyes go wide, welling up with tears from the effort of holding your jaw open so wide and take his cock so deep. The feeling of being trapped by the wall behind you adds to the cold excitement settling in your gut.

“You okay there?” Fives asks a little breathlessly, and you nod as much as the position allows you to “Good. Tap my thigh if you need to breathe. Tap once if you understand me.” you comply, tapping two fingers against his thigh “Good.”

With that he pulls back some, and you inhale as much as you can as his cock weighs over your tongue before he pushes back inside, going even deeper now, all the way until his balls are pressed flush against your chin. You gag some, throat narrowing around Fives’ length, and he throws his head back with a moan. You know how to give a man a nice deep throating, but Fives is on the large side of average, and far thicker than you’re used to. When he pulls back, you can feel the thick strands of spit dribbling down your chin and landing on your naked breasts while you suck in another breath.

Fives takes turns at fucking your face and allowing you small respites during which you lick the head of his cock and catch your breath, but most of the time you remain a tad dizzy for the lack of oxygen and going lax under his touch, letting him handle you the way he pleases. Your face is a mess of saliva and sweat and you can taste his precome as you suck him avidly, your hands reaching up to pry his rear armor off and squeeze his ass hard, which earns you a pleased groan.

“M’getting close…” he drawls out, but he doesn’t really have to; you can easily tell from the way he’s been twitching over your tongue

You nod a few times, looking eagerly up at him and hoping this is enough of a go sign. Fives rocks his hips into your mouth, cock pushing and spreading your throat open every time it hits home. You can barely breathe and it’s making your mind hazy and your entire body feels too hot. Fives holds your head in place and lets out a strangled moan as he pulls back just about enough not to choke you, and you feel his cock twitch just shy of your throat, pumping hot come over the back of your tongue. You swallow each spurt dutifully, and Fives grins at you, hazy brown eyes filled with lust.

You sit on your haunches and look up to him, trying to catch your breath and letting just a small bit of come trail down your chin by the corner of your mouth.

Fives chuckles running his thumb over your lips, his voice raw with pleasure.

“It’s a good look on you, Captain. Didn’t know you could take a face fuck so beautifully.”

You grin at him, shaking your head with mock-disdain while he helps you up to your feet.

“Fuck you, ARC Fives.”

Fives laughs again, and in a split second he is flipping you around by your shoulder and shoving you against the wall. He presses himself behind you, and reaches down to undo your belt and pants.

“I’d much rather fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist the banter. He undoes your pants and shoves them down your legs, letting you kick them away before he grabs your ass cheeks hard, fingers digging in your skin. You draw a sharp breath, raising your ass to him. There’s no way he’s hard again already, right?

His hand comes over your ass, slapping it hard. You yelp in surprise, and he squeezes your ass where it still stings a bit. Fuck, yes, he is so goddamn good at keeping you on edge.

“You good there?”

“Yeah…” you almost sing it, wiggling your ass some, and Fives laughs, landing another slap to your left cheek

“You like that, don’t you?” and he slaps your right cheek now, and you give him a pleased hum in response

The slaps are louder than they actually hurt, and you get off both from the noise and the stinging sensation. Hells, yes, not many partners can get the perfect amount of force for a good spanking but Fives just keeps surprising you. Your ass feels hot and sore and your love it. Fives stops to squeeze and caress your ass every once in a while to let you rest from the sharp pain, and it feels so delicious you’re soon shaking your hips to beg for more.

“It’s a nice view here.” he states almost flatly, and the way his voice barely rises at all when he swats his hand on your skin certainly does something for you; he’s making a show of pretending to be bored “all red and tender for me, captain. I like that.”

He then grabs you by your hips, pressing you against the wall with his body and whispering close to your ear.

“If you miss me tomorrow, just look in a mirror when you get home and you’ll see my handprints still there.”

Fuck, he has no right to sound so hot. You can feel his hard cock pressed between your ass cheeks and it makes you moan. You turn a fierce look at him over your shoulder.

“Are you just gonna talk or are you gonna fuck me?”

Fives grins, straightening himself up.

“So impatient.” And he gives a light push to the curve of your foot with his own in order to make you spread your legs further; moons above, you are both still wearing your combat boots “Hands on the wall.”

You press your palms flat to the wall and see him spit on his hand and lower it down to spread the slickness over his cock and yes, this is what you want, a rough fuck that borders on pain. Fives grabs your hip with one hand and guides his cock into you with the other. You feel the blunt head pushing against your slit and you bite your lip, letting your eyes roll back before letting them fall shut.

That’s when Fives shoves almost halfway in without warning. You press your face on your bicep, trying to muffle your scream there. Fives goes very still.

“You okay? Any close to red?”

“N-No…” you babble out “Just didn’t expect… I’ll let you know if I’m going red…”

“Ok. Good.”

Fives then grabs most of your hair in his fist, pulling you on himself by it as he rams all of him inside you. The noise you make is pitiful, a half moan, half sob. You’re positively drenched, but the sudden invasion still hurts to a degree, and it hurts so good.

“Fuck, you’re tight.” Fives hisses as he pulls halfway back to then go balls-deep inside you again “Squeezing me so good.”

“You feel so- ahn!” it’s hard to speak under the strength of Fives’ thrusts “So good…” and you grin, licking your lips

Fives lowers his knees and thrusts upwards each time, and you can feel the way his cock pushes at your engorged folds, rim of his head scraping your insides every time he pulls out, rubbing against a sensitive spot that makes you weak at the knees.

He squeezes your ass, nails digging in, and the whole thing is so rough and almost hateful, the way he touches you, speaks to you and fucks you, sharp staccato thrusts that seem to have no goal other than to make you painfully sensitive and pry out of you the screams that you try to hold back.

But the way he checks on you on occasion allow you to enjoy it all immensely, knowing that Fives won’t purposefully hurt you at any point, and that he will stop if you call red.

He may be an annoying cocky trooper, but he’s an excellent sexual partner, and you’re glad these traits were met in a man with a beautiful face, a sexy voice, a cock that is well on the larger side and a gorgeous ass.

Speaking of his ass, you reach one hand back to grab at it, and the way it clenches at each thrust of his with the effort of fucking you this roughly makes you grin involuntarily as you rake your nails over it.

“Yeah, fuck me…” your voice shakes under the strength of Fives’ thrusts “Fuck me harder…”

Fives lets out a breathless grunt, grabbing at your arm with a bruising grip, using it as much as your hair to pull you back, slamming himself inside you over and over. The sound of his hips smacking against your ass echoes at each sharp thrust, and when you manage to turn your head just about enough to look at him you see the hungry look in his eyes, his teeth bared and tendons tensed up on his neck.

Moons, what a sight.

Fives lets go of your hair to then press his palm flat over your back, pushing you down until your chest and the side of your face are pressed to the wall, never halting his sharp thrusts while he takes his other hand to his mouth and reaches down to your crotch, feeling his way down to tease your clit with his finger that is now slick with spit. He leans closer, tip of his tongue touching the curve of our ear while you mewl out. The way he’s rubbing circles over your sensitive clit will make you lose your mind.

“Oh I like that sound.” his voice is a low growl and you can see the proud smirk on his face, feel his warm breath on your skin while you roll your hips back to meet his thrusts

“Just don’t stop… please, don’t stop…” you groan out, reaching back to grab Fives by the back of his neck and so that you can give him a messy, wet kiss over your shoulder

Fives rubs circles on your clit while he still thrusts thrusts hard into you, and you slam both your palms on the wall, dragging your nails down. Fuck. Fuck, this feels so good.

“Oh, hells I’m-” you can’t quite finish the sentence because the orgasm that shatters you barely allows you to hold your legs in place, knees shaking at every sharp contraction and the pleasure making a wide grin spread over your lips and shudders rippling through your whole self.

Fives takes no mercy and fucks you hard through it, hissed curses coming from between his bared teeth every time you clench tightly around his shaft.

“Kriff… Can I…” and a moan cuts him off as he grabs your hips again, nails digging in your skin “Can I come inside?...”

His voice is raspy and breathless, the question a desperate plea. Fives’ pupils are blown wide with pleasure, his lip quivering some under the effort of holding back. You nod weakly still feeling the high of your orgasm.

“Come inside me. Fill me up.”

And that look on Fives face, the look on his eyes that say he’s claiming you as his own, the way he breathes hard through his mouth, moans escaping him at every thrust, stars be damned, it could be enough to make you come again.

You feel his cock twitching hard inside you when he buries himself to the hilt, pressing his face to your shoulder blade and biting down on your skin to muffle out his noises; and you can feel the hot slickness being pumped deep inside of you over and over again, extending your pleasure just for how hot the whole thing is, Fives pressed to your back, spending himself deep inside you, still wearing his kama.

Fives kisses and licks the patch of skin where he had bit down, soothing it, and he moves a hand to gently caress your hair.

“Kriff, that was good.” he breathes out, chest rising and falling against your back

“Yeah…” you wish you could be more articulate, but not only you are breathless, you’re also still riding the high of the slick feeling inside you; hells, you asked for a creampie and the trooper sure delivered “So good.”

Fives draws a few more breaths before slowly pulling out of you. You can feel the warmth dripping out of you down your inner thighs when he does, and damn, that wasn’t supposed to get you all hot again and yet…

You turn around very slowly, supporting yourself against the wall because your legs are still shaking. The look on Fives’ face is so rewarding, his eyes staring you up and down with a proud smirk. He had done that, he had turned you into the breathless come-filled mess in front of him. When you look down, you notice that Fives is still half-hard, and you bite a smile over your lip.

“You want some more?”

At this point, at least, Fives doesn’t act so cocky, sighing out with a couple of nods:

“Yeah, I do. You?”

You lick your lips, touching a hickey over your breast.

“…Yeah.”

Fives grins, walking up to you and pulling you into his arms as you wrap your legs around his waist, throwing your arms over his shoulders. He kisses you, deep and passionate, to then nibble at your collarbones.

“You’re so damn gorgeous… ah!” he gasps out when you rake your nails over his back “Kriff, yes, do that again.”

You claw at his back again as he carries you over to his bunk, and he lets out a pleased laugh, dropping you down on your back on the mattress and climbing on top of you.

“That the best you can do?” you scratch him again once, twice, much harder this time “Coming made you this weak?”

You click your tongue in annoyance.

“Why don’t you fuck me hard and give me a good reason to scratch you?”

Fives scoffs, kneeling up and reaching for the belt of his kama. You hold both of his wrists, grinning with your tongue between your teeth.

“Oh no, you keep that on.”

Fives pauses to then raise an eyebrow, letting go off his belt to then lean over you, whispering over your lips:

“Who knew the army captain was such pervert?”

You lock your legs over the small of Fives’ back and push him roughly on his side to then climb on top of him, supporting your hand on the mattress and reaching for Fives’ cock, giving him a couple of slow strokes.

“Who knew the ARC Trooper liked some spanking and coming inside?”

Fives let out a shaky breath, rolling his hips into your hand and letting his head down on the bed, eyes gleaming up to you, cock growing harder at each stroke.

“Oh, yes.” he hisses “Yeah, yeah, just like that...”

When you sit on his thighs and start using your free hand to touch yourself, Fives just moans at the sight, easy praise falling out of his lips.

“I guess you’re the pervert here, mr. ARC, sir.” you grin, getting your fingers easily coated with the come still dribbling out of you some “Getting hard again so soon… wanna fuck me this bad?”

Fives jerks his hips upwards, clearly not satisfied just by your slow, lazy thrusts. His face is twisted in the sweet agony of delayed pleasure, and he whimpers.

“Yeah, I do… Wanna fuck you… Please…”

Little gods above, what a perfect switch that man is, going from making you scream against that wall before to begging for your pussy on the bed now. There’s no way you’re not gonna give him what he wants. You make a show of licking his come off your fingers and gets up on your knees again.

When you line yourself up to sink down on his cock, it’s much easier than before – a good amount of his release from before is still inside you, making your insides slick and easy to enter. Still, you sit down on him very slowly, enjoying his expression of pure awe as he watches his length disappearing into you bit by bit until you are pressed flush against his pelvis, purring in absolute delight. The way his cock stretches you inside, just shy of hurting, feels so good.

“Oh, stars.” Fives hisses, grabbing at your hips and pulling you down on himself as he thrusts up into you, hard and sharp just like before

You gasp out, rolling your hips to meet his pace, leaning down and cupping Fives’ face, heel of your palm rubbing against his goatee some.

“Fuck, you’re good.” you say in a moan between your teeth, and it sounds almost like you’re complaining

“Want me to go easier on you?” Fives teases you with a grin and another sharp thrust, hands moving to grab at your ass cheeks “Or are you enjoying my insubordination, captain?”

You let out a brisk laugh, splaying your hands on Fives’ broad chest, feeling his warmth and dragging your nails over his skin, watching the angry red lines left on their wake. Fives throws his head back on the bed, eyes , and the moan he lets out is just beautiful.

“Yeah, just like that… moons, yes…”

You roll your hips faster since Fives seems to have lost a bit of his rhythm when you clawed his chest – moons, he really has a thing for you scratching him – and the way he reaches your deepest spots makes you whine loudly, aching for release. Fives reaches for your breasts, squeezes them hard, and you bite your lip at him, grabbing his wrists and taking a moment to suck at his fingers. Then, with one fluid movement you are leaning to pin his hands above his head. Fives growls at that, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

“Fuck yeah, baby.” he playfully fights your grip, hips snapping upwards to meet yours “Take what you need.”

You change your angle some while still pinning him down, moaning at the way the head of his cock presses up against the tight bundle of muscles behind your clit.

“Fuck, you’re so damn big, feels so good.” you whine out “Can’t get enough of you.”

Fives lifts his head just about enough to catch one of your nipples between his teeth; you lean down lower to allow him to suck on your breast, your entire body feeling so damn good you can barely tell if you’re only about to come or if you’re already doing it. Fives lets go off your breast with a suckling noise, laughing breathlessly.

“Getting close there, captain? You’re squeezing me like crazy.”

You let go off Fives’ wrists to cup his face, all of you wound tight and tensing up like a coiled spring.

“F-Fives…” you say his name in a raspy, desperate begging “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come…”

Fives slaps your ass hard with both of his hands, a criminally handsome smile on his face. His tone is almost like he’s challenging you.

“Come, gorgeous. Come all over my cock, let me see you come.” he moves his hands over your thighs, slapping them hard now “Come for me, come nice and hard for me.”

The next hard slap to your ass makes you squeeze your eyes shut, your vision whitening out as you desperately chase Fives’ lips and give him a searing kiss, pushing your tongue deep in his mouth and feeling him moan against it. You shiver on top of the ARC trooper, your toes curling as your hips roll on their own, chasing every last bit of pleasure.

Fives grabs your hips with a bruising grip, pushing you down on him as his hips snap up over and over in a messy pace; you whimper as the rim of his head scrapes against your inner walls, sending waves of pleasure rippling over your still-sensitive body. Fives bares his teeth in a hazy smile and you can tell he’s about to tip over the edge. He drawls out your name before flashing his tongue over his lips, and your think it’s the hottest thing you’ve ever heard in your life.

“Coming, babe, gonna come so hard…”

You grin back at him, setting a playful mock-scowl on your features as you grab his jaw hard, rolling your hips along with his pace.

“Come inside me, Fives, fill my pussy good. Come for me. Come.”

Fives lets out a breathy, brisk laugh that melts into a languid moan as his hips stutter, warm slickness spreading inside you in hard spurts. He stares intently at you through all of it, biting a grin over his lower lip, cheeks flushed and pupils blown wide. He’s still shuddering a bit when he reaches a hand over your back, pulling you down over him. You happily let him do so, allowing yourself to lie on his broad chest, nuzzling at his neck.

The two of you stay a few seconds like this, catching your breaths. Fives smells so good you could stay like this forever. His hands are big and warm over your lower back and shoulder blade, and now that you’re coming down from your high, it’s a welcome feeling as you’re starting to feel a little cold.

You wince when his softening cock slips out of you, warm release trickling out of your pussy as it does. Your cheeks are burning as you come to terms with what just happened. The annoying ARC trooper and you just had some absolutely amazing sex and now you’re lying on top of him, two loads of him slowly oozing out of you.

Fives turns his head to press a soft kiss to your cheek. Why does his goatee feel so good against your skin?

“Are you okay?” he asks in a gentle tone, so different from his cocky, bossy demeanor from before “Do you hurt anywhere?”

You smirk.

“Just my pride. Never had a fuck this good.” Fives laughs, and it makes you shake on top of him “Am I crushing you?”

Fives runs his fingers through your hair, petting it gently. It makes you feel so good you have to fight the urge to purr.

“Not at all. Feels good.” He lets out a long sigh “That… was amazing. You’re so good. So hot.”

You shift some to reach for the back of his neck and caress him with gentle strokes.

“You too, handsome. I should’ve picked a fight with you before.” and you frown for a moment, turning to look at Fives’ gorgeous brown eyes “You didn’t make a deal with your brother for him to steal my bed and force me to come here, did you?”

Fives lets out a quiet laugh, giving you a kiss on your forehead.

“No. But he did say something about how he wished the two of us would resolve ‘this ridiculous sexual tension’ so that we would stop dragging him into our arguments.” He shrugged “I told him to shut up and went to take a shower. When I walked out, you were here.”

You roll off of Fives to lie on your back, laughing. Of course.

“Your brother… is an evil mastermind.”

Fives turns to lie on his side, looking at you with a smirk.

“Don’t blame him for the way you were staring at me when I walked out, captain.” He shuffles closer, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips “I know I don’t blame him for the way I couldn’t get you off my mind in the shower.”

The thought of Fives touching himself while he thinks about you is enough to make you hide your blushing face, pressing it against his chest.

“Well, I’m… I’m glad we worked things out.”

Fives reaches for a tip of the blanket, throwing it over you and pulling you closer into his arms.

“That sure is one way to say it.”

You keep playfully bickering with one another until you can no longer keep your eyes open, and you sleep curled up against the ARC trooper.

#lemon #i'm so fucking sorry #my fics #please for the love of GOD remind me to add this to Ao3 later

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mikeshanlon · 5 years

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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)

#books #lgbt #pride #lgbt books #idk what else to tag lmao pls feel free to add ur own yall!!! or correct anything i got wrong lmao

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elevatorsnot-worthy · 5 years

Text

Just A Little Chaotic (Chapter 7)

CHAPTER 7 - STING OF REALITY

Description: Alison, a singer-songwriter and an actress, finds herself in a middle of a chaotic set up with two of her cast mates. One’s a new face and one’s an old friend.

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC x Sebastian Stan

Just A Little Chaotic (All Chapters)

Author’s Note: Sorry it took a little while for me to finish this chapter. I am really sick rn but I promise as soon as I get better I’ll put out more content.

Sebastian’s POV

My heart was pounding as I sat alone in my trailer. Today I was not wearing my black Winter Soldier outfit. I was wearing clothes that would make the Winter Soldier blend in since he was supposed to be in a museum. I meditated as I try to ease off the nervousness. My eyes are shut, and I only concentrated on my breathing. Alison’s eyes immediately popped in my head. He soft brown eyes, her long lashes, and that little beauty mark on the left inner corner of her eye. She makes me calm yet she is the reason why I’m a nervous wreck right now. A knock on the door broke me out of my trance. I went straight to set; my feet just lead me to one direction. Out of all the people, from the crew, the background actors, only one stood out. It was her.

“Sebastian, are you ready?” Joe Russo approached me, and I just nodded in response. Joe started to give me instructions by my attentions was fixated to Ali. She was talking with Anthony Russo, her eyes are wide as she listened to the instructions given to her. “It’s just going to be you and Ali,” Joe’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Are you okay?” he asked me.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I said. Joe and Anthony went back to their chairs. I watch as Alison walked towards me. She flashed a bright smile which was a contrast from her dark outfit, a dark gray jacket, black sweatpants and sneakers.

“Hi Seb, how are you?” She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. I was distancing myself from her ever since I heard from her brother that things were getting serious between her and Chris. I placed my hand on her head as I hugged her back. I miss you. “You were kinda AWOL, are you okay?”

“I’m good,” I answered softly. We unlocked from our embrace and Alison held my hands. “I’m sorry, I was busy. How are you?”

“I’m great, the tour was crazy and now I’m working on an album. Everything’s really crazy, I just want to have a lazy day – let’s have a lazy day, like the old days.” She said and smiled at me. My heart melted as I looked at her. “Y’know, beer, pizza, and Star Wars, or maybe the Godfather, or maybe some horrible ass movies.”

“We’ll do that soon, I promise.” I said. I squeezed her hand before letting go of her hand. I would love to have her hand in mine every day, but I can’t. The world seems to be against us being together the way I want to. Whenever I mustered up the guts to tell her how I feel, she’s unavailable.

It was easy for me to shoot the scene. I was supposed to act as if I was relieved to see her again but there was an underlying pain in our reunion. It was exactly how I was feeling. We only did a few takes and we didn’t mess up that much. Alison would just start to laugh uncontrollably at some takes. After we shot the scene, we were able to have a short break. Ali and I decided to go to her trailer to catch up. Brett and Joelle left to give us some privacy.

“What happened to you last time? I texted you when I came back to the hotel, you didn’t reply.” She asked. “I was worried,” Ali’s voice was sincere, and she pouted at me. Don’t do that, you know that’s my weakness.

“I forgot,” I wasn’t able to make up an excuse, I can’t just tell her that I have feelings for her. She didn’t ask me more about what happened which relieved me since I didn’t have to make up some stupid excuse.

“Well you owe me a drink, okay? And a lazy day.” She pointed a finger at me and smiled.

“And a lazy day?” I asked her.

“And a lazy day.” She answered.

“So, how’s you and Chris?” I asked and regretted it. I know that her answer will just hurt me. Alison’s mouth formed a huge grin and she rested her head on my shoulder. She immediately became giddy and her cheeks turned red.

“It’s good,” she said before she succumbed to a fit of giggles. Last time I saw her like this is when she told me about her engagement. “He’s a really great guy, my mom met him last week.” As Alison continued on talking about how Chris met her mom when they ran into her while they are having dinner at some restaurant in LA. Her facial expression changed when she said, “It just sucks that Brandon’s forcing me to keep it a secret.” I looked at Alison as she looks down at her hands.

“But you’re happy with him, right?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I’m happy with him,” she nodded her head. “I guess I’ll just bring him to the next event I’ll go to.”

“Well, just always remember that I’ll be ready to beat him up if he messes up,” I placed my arms around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. Alison rested her head on me and smiled. “As long as your happy, I’m happy for you.”

“I miss you, Seb.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around me. “I miss back then when we’re in New York.”

“If ever you wanted to come over, you can always crash at my place and we can have that lazy day.” I smiled at her. Alison looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes and it just made me melt. “I miss you too.” I said and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry if I was distant for a little while, I just had a lot of things in my mind.”

“It’s okay, Seb.” She said softly and hugged me tighter. I kissed her head as I let the moment sink in. Even though she has somebody else in her heart, she still has a special place in my life. We became really close since we both really understand each other. All of a sudden, the door of her trailer opened and revealed Chris.

Shit.

“Alison?” Chris calmly said. Alison quickly stood up and walked towards Chris. She reached up to him and game him a kiss on his lips as a greeting. I felt a deep sting in my chest. The kiss made it more real to me. I guess I really have to accept that Alison’s heart has someone else.

Chris’ POV

Seeing Alison in Sebastian’s arms made me a little bit of uncomfortable. I understand that they are close but seeing this for the first time threw me off a little bit. Alison kissed me, and I wrapped my hands around her waist. “I see you’re getting comfortable with Seb,” I muttered.

“Well we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” She explained.

“That’s a nice way of catching up.” I involuntarily bitterly whispered. “We’ll talk about this later.” We walked to the couch and sat with Sebastian. I looked at Alison as she sits between Sebastian and I. A wave of jealousy filled me, I just wanted to take Alison right now and make her remember who she belongs to.

“Hey man,” Sebastian said as he shifted on his seat. He reached over for a handshake, a low-five and a fist bump, I played along so there won’t be any issue.

“Are you guys hungry? ‘Cause I’m getting a little hungry.” Alison randomly asked us. I placed my hand on Alison’s lap and I saw Sebastian look at my hand.

“I’ll get some snacks, I have some of those Japanese snacks you like in my trailer.” Sebastian offered. Alison’s demeanor quickly lit up. He quickly stood up and walked to the door. Before going out, Sebastian turned and glanced back to Alison. “Do you want anything else?”

“A Special Strawberry smoothie?” Alison smirked. Is this some inside joke or something?

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Sebastian answered back sarcastically before leaving.

“Thanks, Seb!” Alison called out to Sebastian before he shuts the door. As soon as the door shuts, I pulled Alison to my lap and started kissing her neck. “Chris,” she cooed as I placed deep kisses in her neck. You’re mine.

“I see you’re really close with Sebastian, huh?” I whispered in her ear as I touched every curve of her body. “You’re so happy to see him that you forget who you really belong to.” I growled then left a soft bite on her earlobe.

“You got nothing to worry about, babe.” She said as she gently holds my face and kisses my lips. A soft giggle escapes Alison’s mouth. “Are you jealous?” she asked me. Am I jealous? No, but I just don’t like seeing her that close with Sebastian. I don’t know. Maybe. I was lost in a big riot of thought as I try to formulate my answer. I can feel Alison sensing my confusion. She gave me a tight hug and said, “It’s just Sebastian, babe. You have nothing to worry about. We were just really close. We go way back and he’s special to me.” Her explanation kind of eased me but it reminded me that Sebastian and Alison spent a lot of time together. They lived together. I can’t help but to overthink of what could have happened before. “What matters is that I love you, okay?” her voice was a song to me that calmed me. Those three words distracted me from my thoughts. She loves you, man. Get it together.

“I love you too, babe.” I said. Even though I took off the jealous thoughts in my head, I still want to remind her that she is only mine. “But this doesn’t mean you won’t get punished later.”

Tag list: @everything-is-awesomesauce @supernatural-girl97 @patzammit

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