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idontplaytrack · 28 days

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Heels and shove

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, coarse language, violence, injury

Janis’ girlfriend of a year transfers to North Shore, catching the attention of many.

I tried my best anon, hahah. Enjoy:) I also couldn't think of a title lol.

“What are you looking at?” Damian asks.

“Today’s y/n’s first day at the school and I’m hoping she isn’t running late.”

“Why didn’t you guys come here together?”

“She woke up late and told me to come to school first.”

“Oh, no. Did she get enough sleep last night?”

“Why do you think she woke up late, Damian?” Janis asked him in return.

“Sorry.” Damian bit back a laugh.

Before Janis could respond to that, she spots you walking into the school. The sound of your boots hitting the floor with every step you took had the students look up and around to see where it was coming from. And when they realised it was an unfamiliar face, the buzzing began instantly, all of them wondering who on earth you were. Dressed a black lace long sleeve top underneath your tank top, you had on a matching mini skirt to along with your thigh high boots.

You head straight to Janis and Damian. “Hey, you made it.” Janis smirked an arm finding its way around your waist.

“Hey.” You gave her a small smile, then said hi to Damian.

“You’re attracting quite a bit of attention.” He says quietly.

“So?” You and Janis answered in sync before she presses a kiss to your lips.

“Oh, who do we have here?”

Regina. Of course. Of course she’d show up at this very second.

“None of your business, Regina.” You snarked, going along with her tone.

“Oh, my God!” Regina gasps, “Is this your girlfriend, Janis?”

“And that concerns you, how?” Janis shot her a look of annoyance. That feigned niceness. She was being hella sarcastic. Or maybe just bitchy, as usual. Whatever it was, you weren’t having it.

“Maybe you should get on your way.” You said, hoping she’d somehow get the hint.

Janis’ grip around you tightens. “Now we know who’s the top and who’s the bottom.” Regina smirked. Oh you wanted to punch that right off her face.

“Oh, you don’t know shit, you Plastic.” You scoff.

“Baby, just ignore her. She’s not worth any of your time.”

“Please, you were obsessed with me.”

“That’s not the compliment you think it is.” Janis laughs in disbelief, ready to lead you away, to your homeroom. The first bell rings.

“Saved by the bell. Let’s go.” Damian shoves the two of you past Regina and her little posse that’d just caught up.

Well, you ended up being in the same homeroom as Janis, Damian and Cady— Cady was nice, but you knew she infiltrated The Plastics for awhile and what that caused. So you were a little wary of her. Later that day in third period, you sat at your desk in trig when you saw that blonde walk in. Well, fuck.

She smirked at you. You were paying no attention to her, but she still managed to irritate you. She kept interrupting the class, talking to her friend. And seated right behind you too, so you could hear everything that they were saying very clearly. “I’m not afraid of you. If you continue to say anything about me or Janis, you’ll be so sorry.“

“I’ll be waiting, baby.”

“Do not call me that.” You replied harshly, focusing back on the lesson before the teacher could fault you for it.

And when that class was over, she still kept following you. “Regina, what are you even doing?” Gretchen— that’s who that was. “Why are you so interested in bothering them? Just to get a reaction? For what? G, that is so immature. We’ve just been through that whole Burn Book thing and you want to do that again?”

“Relax, guys. I was just joking,”

“Not funny. Piss off.” You stated, then quickly escaped, making your way to American Literature class.

————

“You’re in the same trig class as Regina and Gretchen? Damn.” Damian’s eyes widen in shock for a moment.

“She’s really just doing so much for nothing. I don’t know what the fuck kind of ‘reaction’ she’s expecting but I’m just so pissed off at this point.” You huffed, getting out your notebook.

Okay, of course, this was your favourite class so far since you were with Damian and Janis. But then after that, you and Janis were separated again so you could go to AP History. But lunch, lunch was after that which was great because you were getting a little bit hungry. “Okay, class, I will see you all on Thursday. Class dism—” The bell interrupted Mr. Daniels, “Class dismissed.”

Gleefully, you exited the classroom while talking to the friend you’d just made, Elise. “No, I got transferred here because people at my old school decided it wasn’t right for me to retaliate after I got bullied.”

“That’s so rude of them.” Elise said back.

“I left voluntarily.” You added on.

“Go you.” Elise laughs, “What’s your next class?”

“I have lunch. I’m just about to go meet up with my girlfriend and our best friend. You?”

“Oh, I have gym.” She tells you, “I’ll see you again on Thursday though. Bye, y/n.”

“See you.” You waved then she departs, going in the direction opposite of yours.

And then the distinct sound of heels clacking against the school’s floors made you curse— almost aloud, she was coming up behind you. What did you do? Pretend you didn’t hear it, hear her. But you picked up your pace though.

“You.” She somehow caught up anyway. Those Louboutin heels appeared before your eyes.

“What?” You looked at her clearly displeased, feeling the anger within you bubbling up quickly thanks to the hunger.

“No wonder.” She chuckles, the sickening smirk forms again, “No wonder Janis rejected me.”

You scoffed.

“She likes the freaks.” She leaned in to whisper in your ear. You inhaled sharply, your fists balling up. You feel your phone buzzing in your pocket— that was definitely Damian or Janis trying to contact you. “And you’re one.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You snarled, “God forbid little rich girl, Regina George can’t get what she wants one time.”

The blonde stared daggers into your soul. She had the power to intimidate, she had the power over most of the student population to destroy them for life. Janis got a terrible reputation because of the girl before you, that only very recently died off. Not you though, the only thing you felt when you saw her face was anger. Anger for what she did to so many, but mainly anger for what she did to Janis. “Get the fuck out of my way or else I’d just—”

“Just what? Push me? Tell on me?”

The urge to punch her in the face was so incredibly strong, but you took a deep breath and sidestepped her and went on your way quickly.

“God, there you are.” Janis heaves a sigh of relief as you plopped your lunch tray down. “What happened? Is your stomach—”

“I’m fine. It’s not that.” You answered her fast.

“Then-”

Damian tilted his head towards some laughter, from Regina and her little posse. Janis’ brows were raised for a beat and she scoffs, “Lucky for her she didn’t get her jaw broken.”

“I don’t get why Gretchen keeps hanging out with her.” You said, “She was stopping Regina.”

“Gretchen is nice, so is Karen. But you know, they’re still scared of her because well, she’s who she is.” Damian shrugged.

“I mean they could just— stop hanging out with Regina?”

“No, honey, they think they need her. It’s too late. They’re too dependent.” Janis states, holding the Oatly bottle in her hand as she swirled it before taking a sip.

“Hi, freaks.” The blonde intentionally walked by.

“I have had it with you! Why is the school so afraid of you? So what if you’re rich? That doesn’t give you the right to control people for your own enjoyment.” You yelled, “Call me a freak. Whatever. I do not care about what you think. But keep their names out of your mouth or I'll make you regret everything you have ever uttered."

"You don't know her like we do." Damian agrees, "You'll be so damn sorry."

Regina smiled sarcastically, sitting down at her usual table. Karen immediately told her to apologise to you, but did she listen? Of course not. You stood up for yourself and those you care about when it was needed, she tormented everyone because she likes it. That was the difference, and a big one at that. "Okay, what the hell did she actually say to you?" Janis leaned closer to ask quietly.

"She started off by telling me how you rejected her. Like I didn't know that- we were already dating then." Janis snorted a laugh, "What, and then she called you a freak?"

"She's jealous, my loves." Damian laughs, "She's not used to this...not being able to get what she wants. And I am loving every second of it."

"Of course you are." Janis rolled her eyes.

"Okay, anyway— what's the deal with Cady?"

"That, is Regina's girl."

Your eyes nearly flew out of your head and thank God you weren't eating because you would've choked. "What? That sweet, nice girl is that bitch's girlfriend?"

"Eh, yeah. They're in love and she's the only one Regina even treats like a normal human. But y'know, even better. Because they're dating. So maybe this stupid shit she's saying is all for show, for the thrill. But still, girl I know you wanna kill her but please don't."

"I know, Damian. She's not worth it. I— am so angry right now." Someone threw something at your head. You reached behind the pulled a cheese fry out of your hair, immediately tossing it back before she could dodge. You hit her directly in the mouth. The students surrounding your tables laughed. Satisfied, you returned to eating then cleaned out your hair afterwards.

Regina didn't retaliate again. Until the last bell let out for the day. While you were waiting for Janis to be done with her gym class, someone just came up to you and slammed you against a locker. "Regina! What the hell?" Aaron yelled, "Are you okay?"

"I-"

"How dare you? No one messes with me." Regina continues, pushing Aaron away and lunging at you. She easily shoves you to the floor. You were caught by surprise, completely unable to defend yourself.

"Regina, it's you." Gretchen spoke up, "You have been messing with her all day and now you've really hurt her. I don't know why I'm so scared of you- she's right. You're the same age as me, as so many of us, why are we living like we need to bow down to you no matter what? What's the point?"

God, the pain. The pain in your wrist, it wasn't going away. Tears pricked at your eyes as you tried to help yourself back on your feet. "Regina George, you better stay where you are!" Janis came running, ready to tackle her to the ground. Again, Aaron stops it from happening. "Get off me! She hurt my girlfriend."

"And it's no use getting yourself in trouble over her." Aaron says. Karen and Gretchen helped you up, and you crying out in pain freaked them the hell out.

"Janis, let's go. Now." Damian glared at her, "She needs to go to the hospital."

Janis froze, stopping whatever she was planning on doing. "Fine."

#auli’i cravalho #janis 'imi'ke x fem reader #janis ‘imi’ike #mean girls 2024 #mgmm fics #sfw wlw #wlw fics #x reader #reader insert #female reader #lgbtqia #queer #regina george

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maybeimamuppet · 1 year

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and all the devils are here (2/2)

“Hey, Jan?” Veronica asks one evening, poking her head through Janis’ open door.

“Yeah?” Janis asks, looking up from her phone at her twin.

“I’m going home to visit dad for spring break, do you wanna come with me? Mom said we could take the car,” Veronica says. She steps in a little further and stands aimlessly a few feet into Janis’ room.

“Yeah, sure,” Janis says, trying to hide her rejoicing at a chance to see her father. She’s tried to hide it, but she’s very jealous that her twin has gotten so much time with both of their parents. She doesn’t blame them for it, but their parents made a really shitty choice for their custody arrangement. “Just us?”

“Yeah, Mom has work she can’t miss that week,” Veronica says with a shrug. “She said she trusts us.”

“Bad choice,” Janis snorts. “Yeah, I’ll go. Sounds fun.”

“Tits,” Veronica grins.

“Ha!” Janis calls as Veronica leaves her room with a groan. “I told you it’d catch on!”

“Shut up!” Veronica yells from next door.

“Girls, be nice!” Their mother yells at them from downstairs.

“Sorry, Mom!”

——

The six hour drive flies by for Janis. They’re going to one of the most boring states in the nation, which Veronica strongly protested with several ‘interesting’ factoids about her mother state. The world’s largest basket doesn’t sound intrigue Janis all that much, but she does have to admit that the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame sounds interesting. But a whole week with her dad and his side of the family is the real catch for Janis.

“Hey, ladies,” he calls with a wave when they pull into the driveway. “How was your drive?”

“Good,” Veronica says, giving their dad a quick hug before she goes to get their stuff from the trunk.

“Janis!” he greets, giving her a squeeze.

“Hi, dad,” Janis says, leaning in a little more when he tries to let her go. He wraps her up again and gently rubs her back.

“How ya doing, kiddo?”

“Good,” Janis says, taking a deep breath before she pulls back. Her dad smells like teakwood and old leather. His sweater is soft, just like the hand he massages over her back.

“Good,” he says with a grin and a ruffle of her hair. “You two go get settled in, I’m working on dinner.”

“I’ll show you around after,” Veronica says as she carries a bag past her. “Sherwood grand tour.”

“Cool,” Janis grins.

—-

Veronica gives a very detailed tour, along with Mac, who they’d picked up along the way. Janis gets to see their favorite restaurants, which make up a solid seventy percent of the attractions around, the local 7-11, a giant field of terrifying concrete corn, lots of real corn with some scattered soybeans for variety, and the outskirts of the closest city.

“You wanna see Westerburg?” Veronica asks. There’s something in her eyes Janis hasn’t seen before. Must be excitement.

“Really? You wanna go back?” Janis asks softly.

“Yeah, why not?” Veronica says with an uncharacteristic shrug. “I’ve been away for a while. I think it’ll be good for me.”

“It’s late, Blueberry, I think you should wait,” Mac says anxiously from the backseat. “And I have to go home.”

“I’ll be fine, Noodle,” Veronica sighs. “I’m not made of glass. Let’s get you home.”

“I’m not saying you are, I’m just saying you need to be careful with yourself,” Mac explains. “But if you have Janis there I guess it’ll be fine. Just call me if you need anything, okay?”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Janis teases. Veronica shoves her with a hand before focusing on driving again. “Hey!”

They can both almost hear Mac rolling her eyes in the backseat as they head through the gates into her neighborhood. Veronica sighs, “I’ll be fine, Mickey. You don’t need to worry.”

“If you say so,” Mac says. She leans forward for a goodbye kiss from her girlfriend when they pull into her long driveway. “Bye. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Veronica whispers against her lips. She gives her one more smooch before she pulls back. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye Janis,” Mac says, climbing out of the car and rushing into her house.

“Bye,” Janis says.

“You ready?” Veronica asks, turning to look at her for a second before she reverses out of the driveway.

“I doubt it,” Janis chuckles. “Are you?”

“I think so,” Veronica says quietly.

“Does Mac know?”

“Know what?”

“About the ghosts,” Janis clarifies.

“Oh. Yeah, she does,” Veronica says. “Well, she knows about Heather. They had some stuff to clear up. Sometimes Heather makes me call her just so they can talk. But the others don’t really have a reason to show themselves to her.”

“That makes sense,” Janis says. Veronica nods, and they continue the drive in silence.

—-

The school is dark when they pull into the massive, empty parking lot. It’s one of those places that feels like a completely different dimension. Schools after dark are always weird.

The doors are locked when Veronica tries to open them, and she’s too paranoid about cameras to try to pick one so Janis can have a tour of the inside.

“I have an idea, come on,” Veronica says. Janis follows her as fast as she can when Veronica breaks into a run.

“Vera, Jesus,” she pants. “I’m gay, don’t do this to me.” Veronica just laughs and goes faster. “Come on, man!” Eventually, they come to a stop. “The football field? Are you sure? Isn’t this where-”

“I have to go back,” Veronica insists. Janis watches as she kicks off her shoes and starts climbing the chain link fence. “You coming?”

“I-I guess,” Janis says. She follows suit and struggles through the whole fence climbing thing much more than her sister did. “Goddamn.”

“Nicely done,” Veronica says. “Come on.”

Janis follows her to the middle of the field, where a big W is painted in red. It’s almost spooky, with only the stars and moon to light their way and only their twin for company.

“What do you think?”

“It’s… nice, I guess,” Janis says in confusion. “It’s just a football field to me.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Veronica asks in a strange tone of voice. It startles Janis enough that she looks up from the W and at her sister.

“V-Vera, what is that?” Janis asks shakily. “What are you doing?”

Veronica doesn’t say anything. Janis looks frantically between the large knife in her hand and her blank, hollow eyes.

“Veronica,” Janis begs. “Listen to me. Whatever you’re thinking of doing with that, don’t. I-I know you’re not here right now, but you have to try to come back. Fight this off.”

“We’re what killed the dinosaurs,” Veronica mumbles to herself. Janis continues taking slow steps backwards, away from her sister.

“Janis,” Heather suddenly says, materializing next to Janis’ twin. “Something’s wrong with her.”

“Yeah, clearly!” Janis scoffs.

“No, I mean something’s wrong that hasn’t happened before! This isn’t just her having a flashback!” Heather says. “She can’t hear me!”

“What do you mean she can’t hear you?” Janis asks frantically.

“She can’t hear any of us,” Ram says as he and Kurt fade in next to Heather. JD follows, but seems to only be there to observe what’s going on. He lingers towards the back, unspeaking.

“Heather,” Veronica says suddenly.

“Veronica, that’s your sister,” Heather begs. “I’m right here, you can’t do this!”

“Yes you can,” another voice suddenly says. Janis startles and looks as… another Heather suddenly pops up. The Heather Janis is used to is in full color, red robe and red hair and her mouth stained a contradictory blue. This new one has the same form, but she’s entirely in greyscale. Like some kind of… shadow.

“What the fuck?!” Heather shrieks.

“You’re a killer, Veronica,” grey-Heather continues. “Aren’t you? Look at what you did to me. To us.”

Janis watches in horror as three more of the grey-ghosts appear. Ram, Kurt, and JD. Real-Heather looks frantically between her real ghostly counterparts and Janis. “Who the hell are you?”

“Why, Heather Chandler, of course,” grey-Heather says.

“No, you aren’t, I am,” Heather growls.

“Oh, but I am too,” grey-Heather grins. “I’m your worst nightmare. Everything she hated about you. Everything you hated about you. All the evil you had in you. All the darkness, all the rage. All the hate. But you didn’t even try to keep me down, did you? You broadcasted me for all the world to see. You know what a horrible person you were. You deserved to die.”

“Shut up!” Heather shrieks. Grey-Heather just laughs.

“You know it’s true,” she hums, looking casually at her fingernails. “Call it… karma.”

“Ram,” Veronica suddenly says. Her voice chills Janis to the core. It’s as if the words are being yanked through her vocal cords with absolutely no input from her brain. She sounds so empty. Her body is right in front of her, but Janis knows that right now, it’s a mere husk of her sister. And how the hell is she going to get her back?

“Why should she get to live, Veronica?” grey-Ram says in a chilling, echoey voice. “Why her and not me? I was only seventeen.”

“Veronica, bro, it’s chill,” Ram says frantically. “I was totally a douche, don’t murder your sister!”

“Look at her, Veronica,” grey-Kurt pipes up. “Look how tough she acts. And she’s quivering here at your feet. Doesn’t that fill you with such a rush? The thrill of the kill, aren’t you excited to watch the light leave her eyes?”

“‘Ronica, please,” Kurt begs. “That’s not me! Open your eyes, bro! Listen to us! The real us, man, please!”

“JD,” Veronica says.

“Our love is god, Veronica Sawyer!” grey-JD says, throwing a ghostly arm around Veronica’s shoulder. “She knows too much, doesn’t she? You opened your stupid mouth and told her everything you did. You told her about all the people you killed. How could you be such an idiot? I thought you wanted to move on?”

“Leave her alone!” Heather yells.

“You’re a killer, Veronica,” grey-JD whispers. “You already have the blood of four people on your hands. The killer instinct is in you, babe. What’s one more? We can’t have her blabbing to the cops. That pretty face wasn’t made for jail.”

Veronica takes a few large steps forwards. Janis scrambles backwards as quickly as she can manage on her shaking legs. This is it. She’s about to die on a football field, at some random high school in the middle-of-nowhere, Ohio. Murdered by her own twin.

“Vera, please, listen to me,” Janis begs around a sob. “I’d never tell anyone, you’re my sister! I-I just got you, I’m not ready to lose you! A-and I’m not ready to die, please! Think-think about Cady, about Damian! Think about Mac, what-what is she gonna say? Don’t do this!”

“Janis, she can hear you,” Heather says. “She can see you, she just can’t see or hear us! She’s listening!”

“We both have so much to live for,” Janis continues. “Vera, please, just open your eyes!”

She can see in Veronica’s eyes that a war is waging in her mind. She’s fighting. Fighting so hard to break free from whatever’s happening to her. Whatever these grey-ghosts are telling her, whatever they’re doing to her. Veronica’s fighting. But she’s been fighting for a very long time.

She’s weak.

She’s not strong enough.

Not on her own.

“Our love is god,” she mumbles.

“Janis, let me borrow your body!” Heather says frantically.

“What?!” Janis says, continuing to back away from her twin with her hands held up defensively. Like that’ll do anything.

“I need to talk to her somehow or you’re going to die here! And trust me, that’s not a nice place to go!” Heather insists. “Just let me possess you for a few minutes and I’ll try to talk her down. She has to hear from me, it’s… our… clones, or whatever, doing this to her!”

“Okay, whatever, just do it quick!” Janis yells. She shudders and feels a chill go down her spine as all the hair on her neck stands on end. She suddenly feels a very strong urge to kick someone in the balls, and a deep understanding of all the merits of the color red.

“Veronica,” Janis feels her mouth say. It’s not her voice. She shivers again as her mouth moves against her will to produce a voice unnatural to her. “Ronnie.”

“Heather,” Veronica says, pausing in her tracks.

“Yeah, Ronnie, it’s me,” Heather-Janis says. “You need to listen to me.”

“I am,” Veronica says in confusion.

“No, Veronica, the real me!” Heather says. “That’s not me!”

Heather, look at their feet, Janis thinks as hard as she can. She feels Heather puppet her eyes to the feet of the grey-ghosts. Unlike the ones in color that float as their own separate entities a few inches off the ground, these are tethered like balls and chains to Veronica.

They’re part of her.

The voices that have been tormenting her for so many days, weeks, months; personified and tied to her with heavy chains. Their voices so much louder, deafening, that she’s no longer able to tell the real voices from her own.

“You want revenge,” Veronica says. Janis forces her eyes to look at grey-Heather, so real-Heather can see her lips moving to silently form the same words. She’s turned Veronica into some sort of sick marionette, puppeting her every move, her every word, every thought.

“No, Veronica, I don’t,” Heather says. “I want you to let me go. I don’t belong on Earth anymore, Ronnie. I’m so tired. I get more tired every day, but I’ve stuck around for you. Please, listen to me.”

It’s working, Janis thinks again. Keep going.

“I can’t,” Heather whispers. “I’m not strong enough, I’m sorry.”

Janis gasps and stumbles as she’s suddenly flooded with warmth and in control of her body once more. Heather is back in front of her, a bit more translucent and hovering much closer to the ground.

“My spirit is weak,” Heather says hoarsely. “I can’t hold on long enough to keep going, Janis, I’m sorry.”

“Someone else try, quick,” Janis says as her sister starts advancing on her again. Ram hovers over to her. Ew, she thinks, but she willingly lets him take control.

“‘Ronica,” he says.

“Ram,” Veronica says.

“Yeah, fam, it’s me. How ya been?” Ram chortles.

Dude, seriously? Janis thinks.

“Ow, man, that actually hurts,” Ram says, puppeting Janis’ hand to rub the back of her neck. “‘Ronica, dude, you gotta snap out of this, bro. We never wanted this.”

“You never wanted to die,” Veronica echoes hollowly.

“I mean, yeah,” Ram agrees. “It kinda sucked, man. But you can’t kill your sister.”

“Why should she get to live and not you?” Veronica says. Janis watches grey-Ram’s lips move in tandem with her twin’s. “She’s just as innocent as you were.”

“No,” Ram says. Janis can hear the strain in his voice. He’s stronger than Heather, but he’s also struggling to hold on. “‘Ronica, I was a total jackass. Janis is a good person, she’s innoce-”

That’s all he wrote. Janis gasps again as Ram is ejected from her body. Kurt takes his place before she has a chance to recover.

“Veronica, think about it, bro,” he begins. Janis is horrified by the images and urges running through her mind. She doesn’t even have the equipment for half of them. “If we didn’t deserve to die, Janis, like, definitely doesn’t, man.”

“Your revenge,” Veronica says, sounding confused. Her eyes are a bit clearer than they were. Whatever they’re doing is giving her the strength to fight longer, fight harder. They’re giving her the upper hand.

“I don’t want revenge, dude!” Kurt insists. “Especially not by murdering your sister! She didn’t even have anything to do with this, you whackjob!”

“She knows too much,” grey-JD makes Veronica say. “She has to go.”

“No, man, you need to wake up,” Kurt says. “Shit, Janis, I can’t hold on. Keep talking to her.”

Janis sinks to her knees as Kurt leaves. Blood starts streaming from her nose. Being possessed in rapid succession by three different people is taking its toll on her body. She’s not sure how much more she can take.

Veronica’s still gone. The battle in her mind still rages. Janis and the ghosts have managed to push the front lines back, but it’s still a losing battle.

“Janis,” a quiet voice says. Janis looks up to see the ghost of JD swimming in front of her vision. “Listen, I know you’re weakened. If you can hold on long enough for me to talk to her, I think I can… I think I can get her back.”

“Go to hell,” Janis growls, spitting out some blood and wiping her face off on her sleeve. “You did this to her.”

“I know I fucking did!” JD yells. “But I really loved her, too, and she loved me back, or she’d never have done this! You’re fully within your right to hate me, but if you don’t let me in, she is going to kill you! And I cannot let that happen to her. She would never recover. She loves you, Janis, she’d never forgive herself. This isn’t her, and I’m not going to let it be.”

“Fine,” Janis sighs. She forces herself to stand and shuts her eyes as the now-familiar chill and loss of control overtakes her once more.

“Veronica,” JD says.

“Jason,” Veronica says with a twisted smile. “Look, I’m doing it!”

“I see that, babe,” JD says. Don’t make me call my sister babe, man, that’s just weird. “Sorry, Janis. Veronica, I see you are, but this isn’t what I want.”

“B-but… you told me to do this,” Veronica says in confusion. “She has to be taken out of commission. She knows too much, she’ll send me to prison.”

“Janis,” JD says softly. “Before I keep going, tell me honestly. Are you planning on reporting her to any authority, ever?”

No, Janis roars in her head. She’s-she’s my sister! I’d never do that to her. She needs help, not locked up. She needs to be here.

“Good,” JD whispers. “Veronica.”

“Jason,” Veronica says with tears in her eyes.

“Put the knife down,” JD coaches. “Talk to me for a while.”

“She’ll escape,” Veronica says.

“She can’t. I’ve got her under control,” JD says. Ain’t that the fucking truth. “Janis, do you mind?” Sorry. “She won’t escape. She’s going to sit here with us and we’re going to talk. Just put the knife down.”

Veronica doesn’t put the knife down so much as drop it so that it embeds into the astroturf of the new field.

“Good, good, that’s good,” JD says.

“I’ve talked to you every night,” Veronica says. “You-you told me to kill her. To get rid of her. So we can be together again.”

“Veronica, that wasn’t me,” JD says calmly.

“Yes it was! You told me I need to get revenge for you,” Veronica yells. “Kill her for you! Like I killed you! I have to kill her!”

“No, Veronica!” JD bellows. “Veronica. The only person that will get revenge on is you. Janis is your twin. You have a bond like nobody else can possibly even describe, let alone feel. If you kill her, you’ll kill yourself right with her. A piece of you will be missing from your life, forever. You’d never recover. You’ve already been through too much, Veronica. You need to let us go. You need to forgive yourself. Veronica, you have to move on!”

“No!” Veronica roars, grabbing the knife and advancing on them. Janis feels a whimper of her own squeak out as she suddenly has the knife pinned to her throat. “You’re a fake, aren’t you? The real Jason wants revenge. You’re just trying to talk me out of it.”

“The real Jason loves you,” JD responds calmly. Dude, how the fuck? “Janis, I blew up, once you’ve done that you can face pretty much anything! Veronica. Listen. You can believe what you want, but listen to me.”

Veronica eyes JD-Janis suspiciously, but she does allow a slight gap between Janis’ throat and the knife. Her grip on Janis’ collar loosens the slightest bit. “She has to die. So we can be together.”

“Veronica, I want nothing more than I want to be with you,” JD says calmly. “I love you more than I loved anything in my life. And my afterlife. But I’m not here anymore. My time came a long time ago. We can’t be together.”

“Yes we can,” grey-JD says, approaching again. “All you have to do is slit that pretty throat. She looks so much like you, doesn’t she, Ronnie? Like everything in you you can’t stand? All this darkness, this burden, this hatred? Don’t you just see it burning in front of you? It’d be so quick.”

“Veronica, that’s not me! Don’t listen!” JD yells frantically as Veronica presses the knife to Janis’ flesh again. “I never asked you to do this! I never asked you to try to get your revenge! Think, Veronica, come on! Who asked you that?!”

“You!” Veronica insists. “It-it… it was you.”

“No, Veronica, I never asked for this,” JD says. “Veronica, please, listen to me. Not him.”

“I died because of you!” grey-JD roars, made louder by the chorusing voices of the other three. “My blood stains your hands! You monster! Look at what you’ve done, you demon! You villain! Killing four innocent people! You killed me! You killed me! You killed me! You killed me!”

“I’m sorry!” Veronica wails. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“You’re a killer,” grey-JD says. “I will not… forgive… Veronica...”

“I did, Veronica, I did,” JD begs. “We all did! You can’t keep blaming yourself, it was me! I-I was sick, Veronica! I dragged you into it! You didn’t kill Heather, I did! I made you take the wrong cup, I’m the one who poisoned her! I lied and I told you the bullets were fake, I killed Ram! You aren’t even the one who shot Kurt, that was me! And you had nothing to do with my death, Veronica, except delaying it a little longer!”

“I killed you,” Veronica whispers with tears streaming down her face.

“No, Veronica,” JD says. Janis wants to protest about him tenderly cupping her twin’s cheek, but she knows this isn’t the time. “I promise you. All the blame rests on me. I was the worst thing that could’ve happened to you. And you were the best thing that could’ve happened to me.”

“But you-”

“Do you know how long I had a plan? How long before I even met you?” JD says softly. “Every new school I went to, I came up with a new one. Every moving day was going to be the time I finally fucking did it.”

“Jason,” Veronica says. Some clarity is starting to come to her eyes. It’s working. Slowly but surely, JD is getting through. Janis just hopes he manages it before he can’t hold onto her anymore.

“Veronica,” Heather says, some color returned to her now that she’s had some time to recover from her time inside Janis. Veronica whips around to look at her. “Can you hear me?”

“Heather,” Veronica says. Heather smiles, in spite of the situation.

“Yeah. You need to listen to us,” she says soothingly. “You need to come back. This isn’t you.”

“But-but you… you’ve been telling me,” Veronica says. “Telling me to kill again. For you. A life for yours.”

“That won’t bring me back, Veronica,” Heather says sadly. “Nothing will. Killing Janis won’t solve anything.”

“Why should she live?” grey-Heather says. “She’s not innocent, either.”

Veronica’s eyes snap back to Janis.

“She manipulated her little girlfriend for an entire year,” grey-Heather continues. “Isn’t she a bad person?”

“Veronica,” Heather says, remarkably calmly. “You are not the judge, jury, and executioner. This weight is not meant for your shoulders.”

“B-but-” Veronica stumbles. She looks back and forth between the real ghost and the greyscale version. “W-who-”

“Veronica,” JD says. “Those are you. All the things you’ve been tormenting yourself with. They’re taking our forms. You can’t listen to them. You can’t give in.”

“Kill her!” grey-JD roars. “Kill her like you killed us!”

“Veronica,” Heather says. “You have to let us go.”

“No,” grey-Heather says. “Kill her. Kill her, or you’ll be alone forever.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Veronica says, her voice trembling. JD, she’s coming back. That’s real emotion, that’s her.

“I know,” JD whispers. “Veronica. That isn’t Heather. That isn’t me. That’s you. Those are your thoughts. Fight them. Why do you think I fell for you?”

“Because… I’m… weak,” Veronica grits. She’s still clearly not back in herself yet, but she’s getting closer, and closer. Just not close enough.

“No, Veronica, I fell for you because you’re strong,” JD says. “In a way I never was. Never could be. You’re strong, and you’re good. They’re lying to you. Don’t listen. Use that strength. Fight, Veronica.”

“Veronica,” Heather continues. “Listen to us. Don’t listen to them. They’re not real.”

“Aren’t we?” grey-Heather retaliates. “You will never be free from your sins, Veronica Sawyer. You are, and always will be, a killer. A murderer. You killed us. You killed me.”

“I know,” Veronica sobs. “I know I did, I know! And I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m doing what you asked!”

“Veronica, we forgave you,” JD says. “We do forgive you.”

“You will never forget what you’ve done,” grey-Heather says. “You will never forget. This will always live inside you.”

“And you can always fight it, Veronica,” Heather says pleadingly. “You have so many people who love you, you fucking pillowcase! Think about them! You have so many people who want to help you heal, you just have to be open with them! Mac, Janis, your mom! Your dad, Duke, Cady, Damian, Regina! All of them know who you really are!”

“I’m a killer,” Veronica sobs shakily.

“No, you aren’t,” JD says. “You’re a victim. An unwitting accomplice. You’re traumatized. But you are not a killer.”

Janis forces her eyes to look at the grey-ghosts. Slowly, they’re taking on some of Veronica’s features. Grey-Heather’s hair is much frizzier, suddenly. Grey-Ram has her nose. Grey-Kurt her ears. Grey-JD has her stature. Slowly, they’re losing more and more of themselves. Becoming unrecognizable as anything but Veronica herself.

“Janis, she’s getting closer,” JD whispers. “But I can’t hold on too much longer. You have to help. Help me save you. Save her. As long as she’s fighting, she’s still in there. She can win this.”

Okay, Janis thinks as hard as she can.

“I died here, Veronica,” grey-JD says. “Don’t you remember? Don’t you remember the sound of my life being snuffed? The ash, the soot? The blood? The smell? I was in so much pain, Veronica. My pain will never disappear.”

“Yes,” Veronica whimpers. “Yes, JD, I’m sorry!”

“Veronica,” JD and Janis say at the same time. “I’m not suffering anymore. Revenge won’t solve anything. You know that. Revenge won’t bring me back. It won’t change anything. All it will do is hurt you and the people you care about.”

Janis and JD watch as the ghosts morph even further into Veronica.

“But if I hadn’t been there, none of this would’ve happened,” Veronica says. “None of you would ever have died! I’m sorry, I’m sorry Heather. I’m sorry Ram, Kurt. JD, I-I’m sorry!”

“We can’t change the past, Veronica,” Ram says comfortingly. And remarkably eloquently. “But you can change your future. Don’t do this.”

“But if I had never met you, none of you would have died!” Veronica insists with tears streaming down her face. “Heather, if I hadn’t gone to that party, if I hadn’t met you in the bathroom! Ram, Kurt, if I hadn’t gone to the graveyard that night!”

“Veronica, why are you doing this to yourself?” Heather asks. “You fucking pillowcase. I barely knew you, but those few months I did were some of my happiest. My only regret is that I didn’t get to know you more while I was still alive. I don’t hold this against you. I never have. As soon as I crossed over, I understood. Listen to us, Veronica. We’re glad we got to be with you.”

“Yeah, man,” Kurt agrees. “We didn’t know you super good. But you seem pretty baller. The only thing we’re pissed about is being such assholes, bro.”

“You have nothing to regret, Veronica,” JD and Janis say in tandem again.

“Look at me, Veronica,” grey-Heather says, her voice much quieter now, like she’s miles away and still trying to speak to them. Veronica does. Janis can see the confusion raging behind her eyes when she sees her own face looking back at her, speaking in Heather’s voice. “You deserve this. To suffer. Your punishment for what you’ve done. Won’t it be wonderful to get to keep us around all the time?”

“Veronica,” JD and Janis say. Veronica looks at them. Janis almost gasps at the clarity in her eyes. She’s almost back. “You can’t blame yourself anymore. I love you. I don’t want to see you suffering. The voices you hear are your own thoughts. You’ve been hurting yourself all this time. Stop blaming yourself for what’s happened to you. To us.”

“You asked me to do something for you,” Veronica murmurs. “Jason. You asked me to-”

“Think, Veronica, come on. What did I ask of you?” JD says, without Janis this time. Janis can feel him slipping, tries desperately dig her heels in to keep a hold on him as long as she can. For Veronica.

“You… you asked me to clean up after you,” Veronica says. “I’m trying to-”

“No, Veronica,” JD says. “I asked you to clean up my body. You did that. You helped the police gather as much of me as you could.”

“A-and you asked me to…” Veronica mumbles.

“Come on, Veronica, think! You’re so close, just keep fighting! Keep thinking!” JD and Janis yell.

“You asked me to stick around,” Veronica says boldly. “And… make things better.” Janis collapses to the ground as JD is ejected from her body. “Janis, oh my god!”

“Vera,” Janis croaks. Veronica bursts into tears and throws the knife as far away as she possibly can before she sinks down next to her and pulls Janis’ limp, exhausted body into her lap.

“I’m so sorry,” Veronica sobs. “I’m so sorry. God, I almost killed you, I’m so sorry.”

“That… wasn’t you,” Janis says hoarsely, choking the words out around painful gasps for breath. “This is. You fought it off, Vera. You did it.”

Janis forces herself to her knees and grunts as Veronica throws herself at her. Janis thinks she hears a few of her ribs crack as her twin hugs her tighter than she’s ever been hugged in her life. Janis squeezes her back just as hard as they both cry against each others’ shoulders.

The grey-ghosts, now perfect reflections of the both of them, melt into a revolting sort of goo and seep back into Veronica. They’ll always be with her, in a way. But Janis will be too. And they can face their demons together.

“I’m so sorry,” Veronica sobs again.

“I’m sorry too,” Janis responds.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Janis says. “Let’s fucking get out of here.”

“I… I have to do something first,” Veronica says. Janis watches in confusion as Veronica stands and walks away. Veronica grabs the knife and runs towards the nearest garbage can. She drops the knife in first. Janis is dragging herself over as best as she can when Veronica suddenly pulls out her diary and stares at the cover. She traces over the leather binding with her finger before she drops it in as well.

Heather, Ram, Kurt, and JD materialize next to her once again.

“I’ve needed to do this for a long time,” Veronica begins, voice thick with emotion. “It’s time I let you go. Release you all to where you belong.”

The ghosts are quiet for a moment, looking at Veronica with a strangely peaceful gaze. Heather is the first to speak. “Thank you.”

Veronica just nods. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“We’ll miss you too,” Ram says. “It’s been kind of baller hanging around Earth a while longer, but…”

“We’re fucking tired, man,” Kurt concludes.

Veronica pulls out a matchbook. Looks at it for a long moment. “Thank you all for everything. Everything you’ve given me. Everything you’ve done for me.”

“Thank you, Veronica,” JD says softly.

Veronica strikes the match. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” the ghosts all chorus at once.

“I love you,” JD says.

“So do I,” Heather says.

“I love you too,” Veronica says. “Both of you. I’ll see you again.”

“Enjoy being eighteen, Sawyer,” Heather says as Veronica drops the match into the bin.

“Enjoy staying seventeen, Chandler.”

“Live the hell out of this life, Veronica,” JD says.

“I’ll do my best, JD.”

And with that, all of the ghosts dissolve into puffs of mist, blown away by the wind along with the sands of time, to places and things unknown to the living.

Veronica stands and watches the fire grow and roar in the bin. Janis comes up and leans against her side as they watch the flames flicker and dance in front of them.

Veronica screams in anguish, releasing all the emotions she’s needed to for a year. Janis holds her through it, and they both sob into each other as the diary turns to ash.

They’ll always have demons.

But they can fight them.

Together.

—————

thank you for reading, especially if you’re coming from the heathers side of things!! i really enjoyed exploring these characters a bit more in depth than i have before so if you have any requests or anything from me you’d like to see i’ll do my best to make it happen :) in a timely manner this time lol

i’ll also almost definitely write this again from veronica’s pov at some point. just a long ways in the future bc i need time to emotionally recover from this one lol

also if you know what the ending scene is loosely based on no you don’t :)

have a fantastic day and thanks again for reading!!

lots of love,

ezzy

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punkscowardschampions · 8 months

Text

Janbi & Cobby Pt.5

Janis: Nan and granddad will leave you to it, mum too

Libi: Nan and granddad’s is one place

Janis: It’s one more than plenty have

Janis: I don’t think it’s unreasonable, you got me evicted

Libi: It’s unreasonable to hold it against me forever

Janis: And how long has it been, a week?

Janis: You don’t get off that easy, like

Libi: Alright, keep punishing me, even though I’ve said sorry and it was me who told you the pub flat was empty in the first place

Janis: I’m hardly punishing you

Libi: You don’t want me there

Janis: Not when I’m not, no, I don’t

Libi: You don’t at all

Janis: Nah, you’re having a strop about it but that’s not true

Libi: It’s how it feels

Janis: You’re having a shit time right now

Libi: And I can feel you 🙄 about it, what I say and what I do

Janis: No, it’s just that I can’t do anything about it, or tell you what to do about it even

Libi: No, you reckon I’m stupid too

Janis: You’re 14, you’re bound to be

Libi: What’s your excuse?

Libi: I’ve defended you for much worse than having an out of control party, and you’re not even on my side

Janis: I’m standing by my decisions

Libi: They’re YOUR decisions

Janis: yeah, and I don’t think they’re stupid, obviously

Libi: You never think you’re wrong

Janis: I have plenty of times

Libi: Okay

Janis: You know we’re over, whatever you think about Casey

Libi: You could’ve let it be over before you thought about Casey, but no, double down about how it was the right thing to do cos you’re happy with him now

Janis: Life doesn’t work like that, it wouldn’t change anything

Libi: Yours doesn’t, you’re going to do what you want, no matter what

Janis: He’s his brother today or in a year, it’s what it is, nothing changes that, it’s happened and there’s no point waiting to deal with it

Libi: How it happened was fucked up, and that part wasn’t inevitable, you had control there, not like loving him

Janis: You think there’s a non fucked up way to go about it, there isn’t, that’s my point

Libi: There had to be better timing than this

Janis: I don’t think so, maybe if we’d done it sooner but that would be as impossible, I reckon

Libi: You wouldn’t be having a baby though

Janis: I guess that’s true

Libi: You made it more impossible, messier than it already would’ve been, Jesus, own up to that much at least

Janis: I told you, I own every decision I’ve made, no one knows what a mess it is more than me

Libi: But you don’t, or you’d just say I’m sorry, I fucked up, it’s my fault

Libi: instead of focusing on everything you can’t change

Janis: I’m not sorry

Libi: How can you not be?

Janis: If it wasn’t what had to be done, I wouldn’t do it

Libi: And now what?

Janis: What do you mean?

Libi: We all have to live with what you selfishly had to do

Janis: I did it because he’d never

Libi: Don’t try and frame it as a selfless act

Libi: you did it because you love his brother more

Janis: He was miserable for years, I don’t want that to be his reality forever

Janis: I wasn’t enough, now he can find what is

Libi: That’s how life works then, is it?

Libi: things happen that people never recover from, things like this

Libi: and you’re not sorry

Janis: He’s being more proactive than he has been in a long time

Janis: you want a personal apology, it won’t do anything and it isn’t about you

Libi: You’re exactly like Bobby, that isn’t what I fucking want

Janis: You can’t control how he reacts to this, you have to let him

Libi: I know that!

Libi: I am letting him, I’ve let him treat me like shit since this happened

Janis: I didn’t cause this, it’s clearly about more than this, and a long time coming for him

Libi: Yeah you did, I was just a kid, why didn’t you stop me?

Janis: You can’t regret all the time that weren’t like this

Libi: He does

Janis: He thinks so right now, or says so

Libi: Exactly

Libi: all I can do is look forward to a future where he maybe doesn’t and that might not ever come

Janis: He will, it’s part of growing up

Libi: You don’t know, he could grow up to be a twat

Janis: He’s been raised better than that

Janis: and life is too short to hold onto stupid shit like that, only really miserable people like his dad hold onto those grudges

Libi: I thought so, but you don’t read how he speaks to me now

Janis: It’s an easy front to put up, I can still do it, too easily

Libi: Why can’t I?

Janis: Isn’t that what you’re doing, with this lad?

Libi: It’s not easy, that’s the last thing I’d call Jake

Libi: in this sense, anyway

Janis: I should’ve said, an easy front like it’ll work every time, not that it’s a piece of piss to do, necessarily

Libi: It’s too late, I’ve done it, so

Janis: You can end it whenever you want but yeah, you’ve fired that shot

Libi: Not a day in 😬

Janis: Would look like one of you was a total weirdo, that

Libi: *I was

Libi: it’s the rep I already have

Janis: As a child, no one seriously still thinks it

Libi: They absolutely do, I’m surprised he didn’t say no

Janis: You’re a pretty girl, you’ll be amazed at what people are now willing to overlook

Libi: 😏 thanks, I think?

Janis: Just the reality of the situation, you’ll see, like

Libi: I guess, it has worked for China and her personality flaws

Janis: Right, everyone’s superficial

Libi: You’d know

Janis: Tah, I’ll assume

Libi: It’d be a fair assumption when you’ve been paid a wage for your face and body

Janis: Million years ago now, according to you

Libi: Well yeah, but still

Janis: 😏

Janis: No worries, if anyone don’t need the confidence boost, yeah

Libi: I’m about to raid the full wardrobe you’ve left, Jake’s taking me to [somewhere he would and she does not wanna go lol] later, it’s me who needs one

Janis: I see why they went out, that pair

Janis: but help yourself

Libi: I didn’t realise he’s literally the boy version of her before today

Janis: They copy and paste, Gracie and her mates were all carbon copies until they were sick of it

Libi: [send her a picture of something you’ve stolen from her and is absolutely not age appropriate like can I borrow this haha]?

Janis: Hilarious

Libi: You said help yourself, why not that?

Janis: You’ll give him the wrong idea with that outfit

Libi: His wrong ideas are his own problem

Janis: Not how lads operate

Libi: If he acts on them, I can probably beat him up

Janis: A probably is hardly comforting, you keep pointing out

Libi: Okay, I can deffo beat him up

Janis: You’re going to [wherever this is] not Amsterdam

Libi: I’d rather go to Amsterdam but he’d get an even wronger idea if I suggested it instead of [wherever]

Janis: First date idea it ain’t, not at your age and not if he’s even remotely not a twat

Libi: [another ootn suggestion that is no better because she’s having fun]?

Janis: You’re taking the piss, girl

Libi: Taking the piss would be not asking, you aren’t here to stop me

Janis: Jimmy will be

Libi: You must really hate it, to bring out the big guns

Janis: You are in his house, under his roof now, however it goes

Libi: He hasn’t said or done anything about how often China’s under his roof

Janis: Does she dress like that?

Libi: No but

Janis: You can wear it but I’ve told you what I reckon

Libi: Help me then!

Janis: Let me just recall all the clothes I’ve ever owned, hold on 🙄

Janis: alright, what about [something more casual and cool girl about this]?

Libi: [try it on and send her a pic like do you mean this, really? Cos we skeptical haha]?

Janis: Yeah, that’s more in the direction

Janis: [send some other options of either accessories or bags or top or bottoms, whatever, ‘cos you can tell she’s not feeling it but we weren’t what you’d put on lol]

Libi: Alright, hang on, let me work my 🔮

Libi: [pull something together and send her the final result because you do dress well girl when you just trust your instincts and aren’t trying to dress extra to make everyone !!]

Janis: There you go

Libi: Tah

Libi: oh and 👋

Janis: Have fun, Libs

Libi: 🤞

Libi: night, love you

Janis: love you too

Bobby: Does Janis know about the boy on Libi’s socials yet?

Casey: More than she wants to, by now, probably

Casey: you know what Libi’s like

Bobby: Yeah, she won’t shut up about anything

Bobby: is she going to actually do something though? Jim was useless

Casey: lad’s harmless, looks of him, there’s nothing needs doing

Bobby: He’s not though, he’s got a big mouth, everyone knows about him and girls

Casey: maybe he’ll have her shutting hers then

Bobby: They’ll be saying all sorts about her, you think she’d want to avoid that

Casey: attention’s attention, good or bad she’s getting what she’s after and so’s he by the sounds of

Casey: let ‘em crack on, mate

Bobby: She’s not in her right head at the minute, she’ll regret it when she stops being so mental

Casey: even if she does, she’ll put a spin on it, so as going out with this lad who looks and acts like a massive lass weren’t a regret for x y and z

Casey: never in her right head

Bobby: For fuck’s sake

Bobby: Why are girls so stupid? He couldn’t lay it on thicker

Casey: see what they fancy seeing, how it suits them

Bobby: He’s going to think that we’ve shared both of them now, she don’t care that he’ll be saying that too, no doubt

Casey: nor should you, you’re doing alright out of it, only her who ain’t

Bobby: I’m not you, not who I am or anyone reckons me to be

Casey: it’s bollocks and the dickheads who are chatting about it today’ll be on about something else tomorrow

Bobby: No one can say shit to my face, they only know how to message it, spam my inbox

Casey: there you go then, block the twats

Bobby: Why should I, ‘cos she acts like a slut

Bobby: I want more friends, not a full blocklist

Casey: it’ll do your head in else, and you can’t be mates with people you wanna smack

Casey: hang about with the ones who ain’t being knobheads in your inbox, or who only chat about Libi, like, and are on your side about the shit she’s up to

Bobby: We’ll pretend it’s that easy, I guess

Bobby: I thought Janis would at least care but whatever

Casey: I dunno the ins and outs of what she’s said or not said, nevermind what she might do, I’ve not asked ‘cause I don’t care

Bobby: You never have

Casey: Libi parading her little boyfriend about is sod all to do with me, be weird if I were bothered

Bobby: It’s like you weren’t there though, before

Casey: I wasn’t there for her, I said, it’s nowt to do with me, she’s not

Bobby: She’s more to do with you now than she’s ever been, if you’re meant to be serious

Casey: I’m not her dad, nor her big brother

Casey: she don’t need us getting myself in bother hanging ‘round the school gates like some sort of nonce to menace this lad who’s about as dangerous as you pair was running about at 5

Bobby: There ain’t only one type of danger, you know

Bobby: no one but you would even think of that

Casey: there’s worse things than being called a slag, and I dunno why you’d be keen for it to be put a stop to when she’s acting like one

Bobby: That’s the point, it’s not just being said, she’ll be one, and she ain’t got no parents so Janis is meant to stop her

Casey: if it went that far, ‘course she would

Bobby: She better, it is heading that way, he don’t wait

Casey: she’s got a say in it too, and I reckon he’ll have to

Bobby: Maybe

Casey: the girl’s better off behind the camera, in front of it, she’s fooling nobody

Bobby: Easy enough to convince though

Casey: most are

Casey: but Janis’ll have an eye on it, always does

Bobby: They’ve nothing in common

Casey: at your age you don’t have to, it’s all just pissing about unless you want it to be more, and we’ve both said it, she don’t

Casey: not with him

Bobby: Why would you act like such a twat all over social media pretending then, there’s no need

Casey: come on, Bob

Casey: you’re not thick, you know what she’s doing it for

Bobby: Just ‘cos I don’t want to be her friend any more isn’t a good enough reason

Casey: I’ve never met a lass who waited for a good reason to do anything

Bobby: I can’t stick anyone, it isn’t even about her

Casey: have you told her that

Bobby: She knows, she had a dig at me and Jim rowing earlier

Casey: she might need it proper spelling out

Bobby: I can’t be bothered, that’s the point

Bobby: if she’s that thick it’s her own fault, for always thinking she’s special

Casey: be why she needs telling, every dickhead has kept on saying to her she is, as though she’s the only orphan in town

Bobby: She ain’t even the only one in her family, like

Casey: right, from the off, been a pisstake, but nobody’s ever listened to me about it

Bobby: Jim’d rather have her about than me now, I told him it’s weird

Casey: no shit he’d rather have a little girl about, he’s one

Casey: now you’re not acting like one yourself no more and under Libi’s thumb he dunno what to do with you

Bobby: 🙄

Bobby: I wouldn’t have to act like this if he’d just leave with us

Casey: her feet under the table he’s off nowhere, and her boyfriend can have your seat now, like

Bobby: She has a whole family, he’s all I’ve got and that’s the only place I have and she can’t leave it alone

Casey: do you want me to have a word with her

Casey: I could get her to leave it

Bobby: How do you mean

Casey: she’s scared of us, I’ll scare her away, piss easy

Bobby: She’d only tell on you

Bobby: dunno what Jimmy would do then, call police for her probably

Casey: be filming it, her

Bobby: Exactly, named and shamed before she’s had to pack a single bag

Bobby: don’t bother

Casey: just

Casey: long as you’ve worked out from us offering, he’s not all you’ve got, I get you don’t fancy our place or none of that, but still, I’m here

Bobby: I’d never betray him like that

Bobby: He never deserved what you two did

Casey: but you deserve having a roof over your head she hasn’t tucked herself under an’ all, remember that, yeah

Bobby: I’ll move into China’s, it’s fine

Casey: least her sister don’t still live there

Bobby: Yeah, he said she was a massive slag

Casey: don’t bother saying hey from me, she’s round for tea, I’m alright with how we left it

Casey: you pair would have more of a laugh double dating with Libi and him any road

Bobby: I doubt she remembers

Casey: struggles enough with her own name

Bobby: It’s not like you dated, you never did

Casey: a night’s long with that lass, in fairness

Bobby: Disgusting

Casey: 😏

Bobby: It’s not funny, like

Casey: 🤏

Casey: funny how small this bloody town is, nothing else

Bobby: That’s the least funny thing

Casey: you can have yourself a different missus whenever you like, there’s fuck all could be easier

Bobby: Says you, you couldn’t even get your own

Casey: I didn’t want to, that’s different, knobhead

Bobby: You wanna talk about a small town when you didn’t even leave the house

Bobby: I don’t want or need your ‘advice’ thanks very much

Casey: alright, don’t take none then

Casey: you who’s crying to me about how unfunny it is

Bobby: You’re not, nothing about your life is

Casey: my life, you said it

Casey: I’m not after your opinion, tah very much

Bobby: Everyone talks, everyone’s got one, that’s from your own mouth so

Casey: I know everyones and I don’t give a fuck, so

Bobby: Good for you

Casey: it is, yeah

Casey: you should have a go at caring less about what Libi’s doing and more what you are

Bobby: What for? I’ve told you I don’t want to be here, nothing I’m doing matters

Casey: it don’t matter what you want when he’s not listening, you’re here

Bobby: So?

Casey: being a miserable bastard won’t change anything

Bobby: Neither would faking like I was buzzing about it like Libi

Bobby: If I’m here, I’m not happy about it, that’s simple as

Casey: that’s me told

Bobby: I don’t need another pep talk, you’re both wasting your time there

Casey: I heard, I’ll not waste my breath as well as

Bobby: Sensible

Casey: massive compliment coming from you, our kid

Bobby: What’s that meant to mean?

Casey: it means you’re 13 and this here is the 1st thing you’ve had go wrong for you in all them years

Bobby: Is it

Casey: go on, isn’t it

Bobby: No, it ain’t

Casey: if all you’ve got to be mardy about is he won’t pack his bags and piss off with you somewhere you’ve put in your head as a place you’d be better off, you don’t need another pep talk, nah

Bobby: So you’re just delusional too, cool

Casey: that’s you, mate

Casey: it’ll fix nothing, leaving never does

Bobby: I figured the lie that I was protected from it all was something he had to tell himself to feel like he didn’t fail at it, whatever but nah, you believe that bullshit too

Casey: there’s no protected from it all, you was as protected as you could be, more protected than you should’ve been by him, but what’s new there

Bobby: I was still there, forget about me all you like but don’t chat like you have a clue

Casey: yeah, we all were, you ain’t special no more than Libi is

Bobby: And neither are you 2 for being a few years older

Bobby: no saving occurred

Casey: I don’t claim it, he had the martyr act covered

Bobby: Except you just did and you do it all the time

Bobby: My 13 years were the same ones you were in, you know, I weren’t off with an actual decent family, sadly

Casey: I said, stop crying to us about how shit everything is

Bobby: You said I’ve had nothing go wrong in my life, are you that fucking thick, Jesus

Casey: ‘cause you’re doing my head in with how thick you’re being

Bobby: You’re chatting shit, you haven’t got a single clue

Casey: getting onto all this is the 1st thing you’ve said that’s not total bollocks, but I’m chatting it

Casey: your ex best mate could go out with every lad in your year and the year above and I still wouldn’t give a single fuck, it don’t matter to me or to owt that’s going on with the bloody adults

Bobby: You’re meant to tell your bloody girlfriend because it’s her bloody job to give a fuck

Bobby: I’m so sorry your cheating hasn’t worked out the way you reckoned it would, anyone with a brain cell could have given you that heads up but you know

Casey: she’ll sort whatever needs sorting, we’ve been over that already

Casey: you wanna tell me how hard done by you are that Libi’s making a twat of herself and you, more like, instead of doing something about it yourself

Bobby: I don’t look like a twat, she does, again, been over that

Bobby: You’re all fucking useless, you deserve the teen pregnancy coming your way

Casey: she knows where babies come from and how to put a stop to ‘em, your school can’t be that useless

Bobby: Oh, and who does she hero worship, not her teen parents, no

Bobby: even you’re aware of that much

Casey: I’m aware following in their footsteps she’d be trying to trap you for a baby daddy not some lad she’s faked an interest in for a minute

Bobby: Can’t always get what you want, can you

Bobby: I’m not interested

Casey: nor’s she in playing happy families with him, it don’t work with what she’s got in her head, she probably won’t even go nowhere with him again after tonight, his job’s done

Bobby: She’ll put a spin on it, that’s what she does, remember

Bobby: her parents are dead morons, not star-crossed lovers, that shit doesn’t exist, no need for you to buy into her bullshit

Casey: I’ve heard enough of it to know what her bullshit is and that you can calm yourself down

Bobby: He’s in a band, he thinks he’s cool and he has stupid hair, that’s literally all girls care about, it works

Bobby: you’re all pretending it isn’t what’s happening so you don’t have to think about it

Casey: he’s your same hair, she’ll care about that, you’ve a point there

Bobby: He wishes

Bobby: She only acts like a child, she ain’t one

Casey: she’ll hear his shit band play and run a mile, I’ve seen it happen again and again when I’ve been working

Bobby: Couldn’t tell you

Casey: I’m telling you, I’d put money on her already fed up of the bellend

Bobby: Better hope

Casey: your eyes work alright, believe us when you see it in a bit

Bobby: Not my funeral

Bobby: at least she’ll have another reason to be crying

Casey: I’ll drink to that, dead cheery far as toasts go, tah mate

Bobby: Why should you be

Casey: I’m buzzing, it’s everybody’s top reason to be fuming or gutted

Bobby: The why was implying that you deserve to be the least of any of us

Casey: life don’t work like that, you reckon you know all about how it does

Bobby: I don’t care, as long as you know where I stand regarding your happiness

Bobby: it’s not going to last

Casey: when it does you’ll need to crack on coming up with a new pep talk or look a twat

Bobby: The least and last of my worries, it won’t

Casey: good, don’t worry about it

Casey: I won’t ask you to be my best man and do a speech

Bobby: Hilarious

Casey: His music is, I’m having a listen to it

Casey: gutted he won’t still be her boyfriend by the time we’re looking for a wedding band

Bobby: No one will come to your wedding, best keep it in your head

Casey: only need her to turn up, you’re alright

Bobby: 🙄

Casey: be long gone at any rate, you, what you reckon

Casey: I’d have no clue where to send the invite

Bobby: Save yourself the postage and embarrassment

Casey: will do, Bob

Bobby: Sure you can invite dad, she just needs to convince one family member of hers and you’ve got witnesses

Casey: Libi’d go, sorted

Bobby: Nah, she hates you

Casey: she loves Janis more

Bobby: unavoidably so, this point, like you do him

Bobby: not the strongest force in the world, like

Casey: you heard me, just need her

Bobby: Oh, we all know

Casey: you don’t, but you don’t have to

Bobby: It’s not even original, how selfish you are

Bobby: we’ve seen it before

Casey: this ain’t no film for you and your little mate to chat on and on about, like

Bobby: No one is writing that script

Casey: go on, might cheer you up a bit having control over the ending

Bobby: That’s Libi, I don’t care about that stuff

Casey: I’ll tell her then, least you’re easier to tell apart now you’re not joined at the hip, won’t make no mistake between you pair next time 🤞

Bobby: Yeah, you got your shit patter from him too, unluckily

Casey: never said I had no problems

Bobby: No, you want to hog them all, I remember

Casey: wrong brother, see what you did there

Bobby: yeah, right

Casey: right

Bobby: Your whole life’s an excuse

Casey: piss off, you’ve kept well out of it, what would you know about my life

Bobby: Only need her, yeah

Bobby: don’t bother pretending to give a fuck again, you’re just no good at it

Casey: don’t bother me with none of your crying, more like

Bobby: It were a message to pass on, don’t get excited

Casey: you’ve still not shut up, take your own ‘advice’, dickhead

Bobby: 👋

1 note · View note

the-witty-pen-name · 3 years

Text

Deadbeat Pt. 3

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut, cursing, abandonment, infatuation, cheating/divorce, angst, mild housewife kink, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol, corrupt official

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

This is unedited, and I missed anything I should include as a warning let me know! This chapter introduces some new plots and conflicts, so it jumps around a little more than the previous ones.

I hope you all enjoy!

I also am having some writer’s block with my Obi-Wan Kenobi miniseries I was working on, so expect Part 3 sometime Sunday hopefully! So sorry for the delay on the final chapter.

Tags and Requests are OPEN

Part One // Part Two

Henry Curtis was one of the most infuriating people Lee had ever met. Curtis was a writer for the Columbus newspaper and constantly pestering the Sheriff. Curtis seemed to have a sixth sense for whenever the Sheriff did anything. He was desperately trying to catch the Sheriff doing anything but so far had remained unsuccessful. Curtis was the biggest obstacle Lee faced in winning re-election. The man would show up out of nowhere, pen and pad in hand ready to find anything that would be enough to keep the Sheriff out of office.

Maybe Curtis was just doing his job, but Lee always felt like it was much more personal. It was probably just his own resentment of the man who was just doing his job. But the man didn’t have to be so goddamn invasive. When the Sheriff had devised his plan on offering to rent a room from you, he was so tied up in his own mess of divorce and his somewhat confusing feelings towards you he had completely forgotten about the press. They would have a field day with the divorce alone, but now on top of everything else, Lee knew he should be more careful.

Lee always had to be careful, especially if he was meeting Leroy Brown. Lee would make sure he drove way out of town, and always insisted they met at a different location every time. This would infuriate Brown but Lee was the only lawman he had working for him. Sometimes Lee would drive several hours out of the way, always at some deserted ghost town or some sad excuse for a diner or a bar. Always somewhere no one would recognize him.

Lee lied to you and told you he and a few of the deputies would need to drive out of town for a stakeout when he needed to meet with Brown. It was one of those nights, sitting in the cruiser with the headlights off, as he parked in an abandoned parking lot almost two hours out of town.

He had been able to put this off for a couple weeks, lying about other legitimate jobs getting in the way. Honestly, it was because he wanted to one, avoid anything that would cause suspicion from Henry Curtis hearing he was back in town and two, he was selfishly allowing himself to just spend his nights at his new home, spending all the time he could manage with you. It was like being in that little white house was a place where he could let himself be delusional, and time spent with you was what his life actually was, not this mess he was currently dealing with. He wanted out.

Lee knew he wasn’t a good man. He knew that his laundry list of offenses had tarnished his badge a long time ago. He knew what he was doing, and before he never cared. Now, he’s thinking about how his actions could affect you. You were innocent, unaware of everything he was stuck in. He knew you weren’t stupid, and he was sure the town knows some about his corruption. But now, he couldn’t rationalize away his actions for any reason when it came to you. Janie? She didn’t care and would encourage it. She’d be in on it too. She’d have no problem lying to ladies at Church or starting other rumors to keep the town talking about anyone but Lee. She was as power hungry as he was sometimes, which could be a testament as to how their loveless marriage held together for so long.

***

“Hi, I’m looking for a Ms. (Y/L/N)?” the man asked when he approached you, talking a seat at one of the barstools.

“Who’s asking for her?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“I’m Henry Curtis, I work for the Columbus Dispatch.”

“The newspaper?”

“That’s the one.”

“Why are you looking for her?”

“I’m doing a story on her mother’s marriage to Harvey Tucker.”

“She’s not here tonight. But I can let her know you were here. Do you got a card?”

The man pulled out a business card from his wallet and slide it across the bar. You picked it up and read all the information before putting it in the pocket of your apron.

“Seems weird for the Columbus paper to want to do a story on that a month and a half after it happened,” you said skeptically.

“We did cover the story when it happened,” Curtis informed you. “Doing a follow up since the story broke about his wife missing.”

“Missing?” you ask. “Do they know what happened?”

“Robbed the bastard blind and then ran apparently,” Curtis said casually looking past you at the chalkboard on the wall. “Scotch, neat.”

“Yes, sir,” you reply, grabbing the bottle from the shelf. “Has anything else been found out yet?”

“Not yet, that’s why I’m here. Checking in to see if she’d come back here because I heard Ms. (Y/L/N) still lives around these parts.” He then pulled a newspaper out of the inside pocket of his coat and started flipping through the pages.

“She has another kid too, right?” you asked, playing dumb. “A boy, I think. Do you know where he is?”

“Couldn’t say,” he sounded very indifferent, “Most likely went with her but who knows? I went to the Sheriff’s office to see if they knew anything but the Sheriff wasn’t there.”

“That’s too bad,” you say. “I’m sure Sheriff Bodecker would help you help if he can.”

Your statement made Mr. Curtis chuckle, but you didn’t follow up on it. You were just focusing on getting as much information about your mother and brother as you could.

“Speaking of Mr. Bodecker,” he began, “I recently saw his wife is getting remarried. Saw the announcement of the engagement in the paper.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” you respond, skeptically. You didn’t know why but you didn’t trust this man. It was something in the tone of his voice, or maybe it was just how he held himself. Very polished, a suit and a nice dress jacket. He looked very out of place in this town, and this little bar.

“You familiar with the Sheriff at all, miss?”

“Not too well,” you shrug, “Haven’t had any run-ins with the law myself.”

“Not even a speeding ticket?” He asks, only a little condescendingly.

“Can’t get a speeding ticket if you don’t have a car,” you point out.

“Touché,” he chuckles before taking a sip of his drink.

He doesn’t ask you anymore questions, and when he leaves, he gives you a five-dollar tip.

***

Lee receives his cut from Brown. There was nothing new to report on that front and his meeting went by smoothly. All Lee had to do was to turn a blind eye, and make sure the rest of the department stays unaware of the brothel’s existence. Brown always insisted on meeting with him, wanting to know what the Sheriff’s department was investigating and making sure his businesses stayed under the radar. He felt sick, and is preoccupied with the fact he has an envelope of dirty money in the cruiser’s glovebox.

It’s around midnight when he pulls up to the house. He expects that you’re already asleep, but he notices the lamp is on in the living room. He takes the money out of his glovebox and tucks it away into the inner pocket of his jacket. Coming inside, he finds you on the couch, knees pulled to your chest, staring at the business card Mr. Curtis had given you. You face is stained with dried up tears, and you still haven’t even changed out of your work clothes.

“What’s that?” he asks, the sight of you breaking his heart. He winces because he comes off a lot harsher than he meant.

“Some reporter came while I was at work wanting to talk to me,” you explain softly, you sound exhausted. “Wanted to talk to me cause he’s doing a story on my mother. Apparently, she’s on the run from the Columbus police.”

You extend your hand to give Lee the card. He feels his jaw clench when he reads the information. “What happened?” he asks, taking a deep breath and sitting down next to you.

“I pretended I wasn’t me,” you say, another tear rolling down your cheek. “He came in asking for me so I said I’d pass his card on. I didn’t want to tell him who I was because he didn’t explain why he was looking for me at first. I don’t know- just scared me. I’m more upset about the news itself than him.”

“You did the right thing,” Lee said softly, placing a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. He was angry, but he didn’t show it. It worried him, fucking Curtis snooping around this close to you. It made him feel protective, wanting to shield you from the whole ordeal. He had been on the receiving end of unsolicited attention from the press and he knew how ruthless they were. He knew this wouldn’t be the only time Curtis would try to get in touch with you. He’d find out where you lived, he’d continue to show up while you were working- the whole nine yards. He didn’t want you going through that.

Curtis talking to you also made him incredibly paranoid. It was his two worlds that he desperately wanted to keep apart were colliding. He knew it was impossible, but he so wanted to keep you separated from the other part of his life. It wasn’t who he wanted you to see. Hell, he hasn’t even been here for a month. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep you in the dark, at least that wasn’t entirely intentional. Actually, he wasn’t sure, maybe it was intentional. However, it wasn’t just you he wanted to hide aspects of his life from. He wanted his involvement with Brown and others hidden from every goddamn registered voter. You were no different, he tried to rationalize. But that wasn’t true. These feelings he harbored for you, were getting worse. He needed to unwrap himself from this situation, and for the sake of you finding out he was a shill, keep you away from that asshole. He didn’t want to let himself think about how the way you look at him would change.

And here he was, making the situation all about him. It was in his nature.

“He’s just going to show up again if I don’t call him,” you say, wiping your eyes. “Maybe I should just call him in the morning. Just be honest and say I don’t know anything. He can keep coming around but nothing is going to change.”

“I can take care of it,” he says. He couldn’t risk you talking to Curtis again. For all he knows, Curtis would tell you all about the story on the Sheriff he’d been trying to confirm for years. Lee knew he couldn’t let that happen. He fully intends on telling you, but how the hell do you bring that up? ‘Hey doll, I’m also on the payroll of every pimp and bootlegger in a ten-mile radius, just letting you know.’ It wasn’t going to come up, unless Curtis tells you about it. He’d be hoping to pull himself out if it, show you how you made him want to be better.

For now, he settles for comforting you, and just being there to take care of you. Make you feel better. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and lets you cry into his chest. He sighs, kissing the top of your head in a friendly way and you curl up against him. Under different circumstances, you probably wouldn’t have let yourself do this- show your vulnerability or allow anyone to comfort you like this. But it was all the events of the past month, your mother leaving, everything, just all hitting you at once, and you were happy you weren’t alone.

In the morning, you wake up on the couch with a blanket over you. You see Lee asleep in the chair, and you realize he stayed with you all night. It makes your heart flutter. You pull the blanket up over your chin and close your eyes again. You felt surprisingly well rested. The stress and worry were pushed to the back of your mind long enough to let you get some sleep. It still lingered in the back of your mind, but you reminded yourself that for now, there was nothing you could do. You had the day off, and you let yourself have a little longer time to sleep in.

You woke up to the smell of coffee brewing and the sound of sizzling on the stove. When you opened your eyes, Lee was no longer in the chair. You sat up and looked toward the kitchen, where you saw Lee with his back to you while he worked with the pans on top of the stove. The portable radio was positioned on the counter, and it was playing at a low volume, so it wouldn’t wake you up.

“Hey,” you say softly, still waking up as you walk into the kitchen.

“Morning, doll,” he says, glancing back at you for a moment. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little better,” you admit, grabbing a mug for yourself out of the cabinet. You pour yourself a cup of coffee, savoring the smell before making it how you usually take it. “Thank you for sitting with me,” you say honestly, “you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he says with a small grin. “I just wanted to help.”

“I really appreciate it, Lee,” you reiterate your thanks, hopping up to take a seat on the counter, watching him cook breakfast. “Didn’t know you knew how to cook,” you joke, making him chuckle.

“I’m full of surprises, sweetheart,” he smirks, making you feel flushed. You take another drawn out sip of your coffee to try to distract yourself. You watch his arms, and his hands as they maneuver and flex when he cooks. You imagine how they must feel, your eyes focused on the veins. You bit your lip and it reminds you of the dream you had a little while back when he first moved in. You imagine him stepping in between your legs as your propped up on the counter, his hands gently gripping your thighs and-

“I’ll get it,” you announce hurriedly as you hear someone knock on the front door. You hop off the counter careful to not spill your coffee, and head to answer the door. Lee watches you bounce out of the room, fixing your hair as you go and you don’t catch his smile.

“Arvin,” you say surprised, stepping out onto the porch. “What are you doing here?” you ask, with a small grin. You’re confused but nonetheless happy to see him.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” he observes, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say dismissively, “Just last night I was thinking about my ma and everything. Just had trouble sleeping is all.”

“The Sheriff didn’t do anything?” Arvin asked in a hushed tone, looking over your shoulder to see if Lee could hear you two.

“No, nothing, he’s been perfectly fine,” you say coming to the Sheriff’s defense. “I know you and Ms. Russell are worried, I know how it must look- but Arvin I swear he’s just my tenant. He’s been nothing but a gentleman.”

“Just making sure,” he says, letting it go for now. “Lenora asked me to bring these by for you.” He hands you the glass baking dish that you can see is filled with homemade cinnamon rolls. “She’s been practicing making all kinds of baked goods for when the Church does that bake sale and has me running all over town giving it away cause me and Uncle Earskell can’t keep up with it all.”

“Tell her thank you for me,” you say with a smile, “And I’ll bring the dish with me to Church tomorrow- give it back to her.”

“She misses you I think,” Arvin says sheepishly, pushing his hands into his front pockets. “I mean- I do- I think my whole family does- we all do. I’m sorry my grandmother hasn’t asked you over in a while…”

“I understand,” you nod. “Reputation is an important thing.”

“I just didn’t want you to think it was because of us,” he says looking down at the porch, his eyes fixed on a loose board. “You know how she is- everything no matter the context is somehow a sin. Scared to death of her own shadow…”

“I know you’re not that resentful, Arvin Russell,” you chuckle and he relaxes. “And I don’t hold any hard feelings towards anyone in your family- you all have always been good to me.”

“Well, um,” he says awkwardly, looking like he was holding back from saying more. “I got to hit a couple more houses before I head to work, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Church?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Oh- I wanted to let you know,” he says, turning around as he’s already heading down the front steps, “The principal down at the high school is looking for secretaries- Lenora heard and thought you might be interested. It pays like $35 a week, I think. You should call Linda Carson; I think Lenora said- that’s the woman who’s in charge of hiring people, I think.”

“I’ll call the school first thing Monday morning,” you say, grin stretching from ear to ear. Arvin nods and says goodbye again. You walk back into the house like you’re on top of the world. You couldn’t contain your excitement. That job if you could get it would be a dream. You’d be making so much more than you’re already making. You were so excited.

“You’re in a much better mood than when I last saw you,” Lee jokes. He’s sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper while he eats his breakfast. You notice that he made you a table setting- brought your coffee over and everything. You place the baking dish in the middle of the table and sit down.

“That was Arvin,” you say happily, and Lee feels his heart sink into his stomach.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, trying to not let on how his heart feels like it’s crushed. He knew it was only a matter of time before a boy would come around- whether it be Arvin or someone else your own age.

“Well, first he was just dropping off baked goods Lenora made,” you say gesturing to the dish on the table. “He’s going around to everybody, I guess. He mentioned the high school is looking for office secretaries- Lenora wanted me to know. Thirty-five dollars a week! I’m going to talk to Linda Carson about it Monday morning. Can you imagine? I could get a secretary job.”

Lee feels just a crash of relief wash over him. He’s so happy that you are looking at a new job. You deserve better than that bar. He knew you deserved the job just as much as any of the other candidates. You work harder than anyone he knows.

“That’s fantastic, sugar,” he replies. “You deserve it.”

“Do you think I have a chance?” you ask, feeling a little self-conscious- you knew you weren’t as experienced as other candidates would be for sure.

“Of course, I do,” he says, putting down the paper to give you his full attention. “I feel like you getting this job is a definite. There’s no doubt about it.”

“You’re just buttering me up,” you scoff, finishing up your food, making him chuckle. You may have also seen his cheeks redden, but you couldn’t say for sure. You finish off your coffee, and then bring you dishes back to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink. Lee turns his attention back to his newspaper and you head upstairs to get ready for your day.

When you head upstairs, Lee notices that you took the radio with you- and he could hear you were listening to music from upstairs. He decides before it’s too late to ring Mark Cunningham. The line rings a couple of times before Mark answers.

“Cunningham.”

“Morning, Mark. It’s Sheriff Bodecker,” he smirks.

“What can I do for you Sheriff?” he asks, the sound of shuffling paper comes through as well. Most likely flipping through the paper.

“I wanna call in that favor you owe me,” he says, casually pacing the living room, holding the receiver up to his ear and the base of the rotary phone in the other.

“Of course, Sheriff,” he says. A while back, Bodecker busted the principal making moonshine in his old barn that was at the end of his property. Lee looked the other way and was waiting for the right thing to call in a favor for.

“I want you to hire (Y/N) (Y/L/N) for the secretary job,” he says, looking to the stairs, making sure you aren’t coming. The music is still playing loudly from upstairs so he determines he’s still got time.

“That’s all?” Mark asked surprised.

“That’s all I want from you,” Lee replies. “I expect you can make that happen?”

“Without a doubt. When can she start?”

“Still have her come in for an interview. I don’t anyone else knowing I called you about this- including her.”

“Done.”

With that, Lee hangs up the phone, feeling really good about this decision. He knew how much that job meant to you- he could see it in your eyes and how excitedly you talked about it. He can’t wait to see you when you find out you get the position. He knows it’s going to make you so happy. He knows you’d be a fantastic candidate, but this just eliminates any doubt. He reasons that there isn’t much difference, since you were very likely to get it anyways. He just had to make sure.

He can picture you know, coming home from the interview- excited to tell him that you got the job. You’d be so excited you’d jump up and hug him tightly, just so overjoyed that you let your feelings take over. You’d wrap your legs and around his waist and he’d hold you up by holding the back of your thighs. You’d wrap your arms tightly around him and bury your head in the crook of his neck. You’d lift your head up to look at him, embarrassed at your actions and then he’d press his lips to yours. You’d gasp softly, but your lips would melt against his own and your arms would wrap tightly around his neck. He’d walk forward, pressing you up against the wall and he’d kiss your neck mumbling praises of congratulations against your skin as his name falls from your lips at how good he’d make you feel. It’s almost unbearable how bad he wants you.

He heads to him room to get ready for his day, but his mind is still clouded with thoughts of you. He thinks about how much he wants nothing more that to just pin you on his mattress. He wonders if you know how crazy you make him. Sometimes there’s something in your eye that makes him think you want him too, but he’s not sure. His better judgement holds him back from everything he wants to do. He thinks about how it must feel to have his head right in-between your thighs. Back in the kitchen together, he wanted to just get on his knees and worship you. The feeling of them pressing against him as he sucks on your clit and runs his tongue across your folds.

Serval hours later, he can’t shake the thoughts, even sitting in his office at the sheriff’s station- working on a Saturday yet again. He’s cooped up in his office, unable to get through any of the paperwork that has piled up on his desk. He’s thinking about you, again, but in this daydream, you’re bent over his desk- because you came by to see him on your break from work at the school. His office door locked and his blinds pulled so he can bend you over and take you right there- rough and fast, sending you back to work with a feeling of him still there between your legs well after you’re back at your own desk, still sore from the encounter.

“You got a visitor, Lee,” the intercom on his desk lights up.

“Send ‘em in,” he responds back, shaking his head to snap out of it. He needed to get a grip.

“Sorry I didn’t call,” you say, walking into his office. His eyes widen and he wonders if he’s still day dreaming. He discreetly pinches himself. You’re actually here, standing in his office, while he looks at you dumbfounded. Part of him would think he manifested it if he was a man of any faith. “You forgot this,” you say, putting his wallet on the desk. “You must have taken it out of your back pocket before falling asleep in the chair last night. It was laying on the coffee table. I figured I’d stop by with it while I was coming up this way anyways.”

“You’re a doll,” he grins, putting his wallet in his back pocket. “What are you doing?”

“I took the bus to the library to return some books, and now I’m going shopping for something to wear when I go in for an interview since I have the day off to go,” you explain. “I’m also probably going to get lunch after that before heading back home. I just didn’t want to be home in case that reporter stopped by. I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”

“I can take care of it,” he says, “He’ll make his way over here soon enough. I can talk to him.”

“You would do that for me?” you ask, the relief evident across your whole face.

“Yeah, I can talk to him, let him know you gave a statement here,” he says. You nod. “You know as much as he does, so it doesn’t matter if I tell him you don’t know shit or if you tell him.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sigh, so relieved thinking that you won’t have to hear from Henry Curtis again. “If he tells you anything about them… will you let me know?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” you say, hurriedly walking over behind him and quickly hugging his shoulders. You then are back by the door again before he can register the gesture. “Are you going to be home tonight?” you ask, your hand on the doorknob.

“Not until late,” he says reluctantly, and he can see the disappointment on your face- unless his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Okay,” you say finally, “Um, I’ll see you later then.”

“Bye, doll,” he says when you walk out of his office.

Are you going to be home tonight? Your voice lingers in his head. It was such a harmless phrase that could’ve just been one of curiosity. Maybe you were just asking because you were thinking about what you were doing for dinner. It most likely just meant nothing. But, the look on your face when he said no makes him think otherwise. Did it mean you cared? That you wanted to spend time with him? You wanted to see him and be with him as desperately as he needed you perhaps? Just the phrasing itself makes his brain feel like putty. It’s like you’re waiting up for him. It’s like you share the house in a way that’s much more than just him renting a room from you. It’s like you’re his and he’s yours. It’s like saying our house… our home. The question was so intimate and implied so much more about how you saw him and what he was to you. He knew seeing him as how he saw you was next to impossible, but you saw him as more than the Sheriff and more than just the jerk living in your house.

Part Four

Taglist:

@scar-is-bi @jiminlife2k18 @asylummaniac01 @rosalynshields @charmed-asylum @jamesbuchananbuckybarnes1917 @alexandrathegreat3

#lee bodecker #lee bodecker imagine #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker fic #lee bodecker x you #lee bodecker smut #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan characters #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan #smut #the devil all the time #angst #lee bodecker x y/n #arvin russel x you #arvin russel x reader

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kieranfm · 3 years

Text

𝟏𝟏𝐏𝐌 , 𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 , 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍 ; 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 ›› 𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍 + 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍

it was one of their bigger shows of the tour ; 1,200 people , 19,589 off of selling out madison square garden . so why didn’t it feel like it ? usually there was a high crackling in his veins , alighting him from the inside out , as he left behind the screaming of a crowd that wanted more . but kieran had felt more when they’d stepped off stage after playing to 520 , or even 200 , than he did coming off stage of the royale tonight . he couldn’t put his finger on it . the reason WHY it felt like he hadn’t just done what he did every other night before . the reason WHY the high wasn’t quite so bright . the reason WHY he’d caught the same look from mikey ; as he’d wished him good luck , & conan ; as they’d caught eyes during the opening notes of cheer up baby . the same look he knew all too well ; as if they were waiting for him to tip over an edge he hadn’t walked the line of in MONTHS . . . everything was good . wasn’t it ? a smile pushed its way onto his lips as his feet hit solid ground & one crowd turned into another smaller one , full of congratulations for surviving ANOTHER show . but just like the congratulations was like clockwork , kieran still found himself looking for the one person that had been missing from the start . the one person that only came in the form of words lit up on his screen . words that seemed to come few & far between — or at all more recently . maybe that was why everything felt OFF ; there had been no ‘ knock ‘em dead , baby ’ to send him out on stage with & he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone on without it . hell , he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d gone this long without a WORD from her . but with ruairi’s hands falling heavily upon his shoulders , & an airy voice that put him on edge filled the air , he let himself be pulled along in the tide . clinging onto the quiet embers that popped & crackled away in his veins as the high fought its way through the haze of worry . she was busy . that’s all it was .

so why did it feel like something was wrong ?

it was enviable though . the way in which kieran ALWAYS found his way back to evan , because even when a whole ocean separated them he always found her way back to her . the only thing was , it seemed as if evan wasn’t finding her way back to him . because as the noise of the dressing room died away , people going their seperate ways to either begin the pack up for a day on the road tomorrow or to take their celebrations elsewhere , he’d slipped his phone from the pocket of his jacket . the cool surface settling in his palm as the glow of his screen reflected back the same thing it had done earlier when he’d given up waiting & tucked it away for safe keeping ; NOTHING . there was absolutely nothing . his top teeth gnawed at his bottom lip as he pulled up the bottom of his screen in hopes that it would reveal anything other than his own texts :

21/07/21 8:43pm 📲 i can only assume you didn’t pick up my call earlier bc you were too busy making saint valentine fall in love with you 📲 but it’s nearly 2am for you and i , personally , think it’s rude i haven’t heard ANYTHING about how it went yet

22/07/21 4:02am 📲 alright you 📲 it’s 9am there and i woke up to nothing 📲 i’m calling you the minute i finish this morning radio shit

22/07/21 9:05am 📲 i’m the one that’s mean to be the gd enigma , evan

22/07/21 10:00am 📲 well , call me whenever you’re free bc i would like to know if saint valentine swiped our best photographer from us

23/07/21 3:02pm 📲 we just wrapped soundcheck for the day and we go on at 9:15 tonight 📲 so i can talk if you’re free

23/07/21 3:43pm 📲 the lads said they haven’t heard anything from you either 📲 is everything okay ? 📲 has something happened ?

what the HELL was going on ? surely if something had happened to her eloise , or isla , would have called him . . . no — no , she was busy ; caught up in editing photos for saint valentine . he’d seen how focused she could get on her work sometimes & with him not there to pull away physically the time could EASILY get away from her . but that did nothing to settle the cloud that dampened the glowing embers that were a sad excuse from his post-show high . the bottom of his phone tapped against his palm as his eyes lifted to focus upon the wall above the wooden clothes rack his jacket hung on . it didn’t make sense though . . . she’d been shooting for saint valentine . she would have called after that . she SHOULD have called after that . where the hell was she ? “ you okay ? ” conan’s voice forced his eyes to refocus , bringing him back down to reality , & turn his attention towards him . silence passed between them for a split second as kieran tried to place the look hidden within conan’s features . they’d been friends all their lives . he wasn’t imagining the smothered worry hidden within his eyes , “ what do you know ? ” “ what ? ” he lifted his phone towards conan , “ evan — ” & there it was , the flicker of worry break through the cracks . it was all he needed . “ i asked you earlier if you’d heard from her . ” “ i haven’t . ” “ but you know why she’s not answering me , don’t you ? ” “ guys — yo , what t’e fuck’s going on — ” but kieran ignored ruairi as he watched conan’s jaw work from side to side , “ what the fuck aren’t you telling me , conan ? ” but it was mikey’s voice that answered him & kieran’s eyes snapped instantly towards him , “ it’s not his fault , kid . i told him not to say anything until after the show . ” kieran’s gaze flickered towards conan for a moment , noting the apologetic look in his eye , before he looked back at mikey . “ i , we , needed you out there with a clear mind . ” “ why wouldn’t my mind be clear ? ” mikey’s hand lifted to rub at his jaw before he pointed towards the couch in the middle of the room , “ come sit down . i have something to show you . ”

the nausea had set in the minute he’d taken a step towards the couch . but the minute mikey had handed him the article brought up on his ipad & begun to explain , kieran felt SICK . his fingers curled around the edges of the ipad tight enough to press harshly into his flesh . no — NO . this wasn’t happening . it made NO fucking sense . Bex & The Found’s Kieran Walsh Confirm Rumors are True . . . speculated to be growing intimately closer . . . make it known outside of their inner circle . he couldn’t stop reading it . he couldn’t stop starring at the photos . hoping that any moment one of them would yell gotcha or the article would simply vanished . but no matter how hard he tried or how long he waited , nothing changed . the words were still there , plain as day & painting him as a liar . the photos were still there , plain as day & painting him as an ASSHOLE . this couldn’t be happening . “ why didn’t you tell me . ” his voice was low , dangerously so . “ we needed you to have a — ” “ a clear fucking head , i know . but T’IS — ” he tossed the ipad onto the table between them as dark eyed focused on mikey , “ you should have fucking told me as soon as you found out . ” “ jani only called me this morning .” “ it’s been out for T’REE fucking days , mikey . ” his hands jutted out towards the discarded ipad , “ what t’e FUCK has she been doing for t’ree days t’en ? she’s our fucking pr manager isn’t she ? isn’t it her job to look out for shit like t’is ? ” “ kieran — ” conan’s voice broke through the haze & his fingers curled into a fist as he turned towards him , “ what ? ” “ take a breath . ” kieran’s gaze darted frantically over conan’s features . but as conan held his gaze , the anger within him teetered & his breath hitched in his chest . evan had to know this was all bullshit . she HAD to . . . but the timing of it all was too much to gloss over . the photo had come out on the 21st & he hadn’t heard a SINGLE thing from her since . she wasn’t just busy . she believed it . his voice cracked as he spoke , “ this is evan . ” “ we know . ” it was then he took a look around at the four that sat along side him . features sharpened by anger softening as he dragged in a deep , shaky breath , “ t’is is all bullshit . ” but as ruairi’s features broke from a second kieran’s brow arched , “ is it ? ” “ i’m sorry ? ” “ well — i just mean , DID somet’ing happen between you two ? ” he froze for a moment . processing ruairi’s words & trying to figure out if he’d heard them right . but before he could even form a reply , a pillow was thrown directly into ruairi’s face with a heavy thump from conan’s direction . “ what kind of fucking question is t’a , mate ? ” “ okay , okay — stupid question . ” ruairi fumbled with the pillow down as he brought it down his lap , kieran rolling his eyes as he let out a breath & bring a hand to rub at his forehead . if it was ANYONE else , it would have be the last straw . but as ruairi’s gaze darting between four faces that looked at him expectantly , kieran couldn’t be mad as he explained “ but look . i told you i t’ought she seemed t’ be weaselling in a lot of places that are usually made for evan & she seemed to cling onto you so — i t’ought since no one seemed to WANT to ask it , i'd ask it . just t’ be sure . ”kieran’s hand dropped to his lap as he shook his head , exhaling a breath , “ i’m not cheating on evan wit’ bex . ” he paused for a moment as his fingers linked together , eyes darting towards the screen of mikey’s ipad , “ you all were t’ere . we were taking her back t’ t’e bloody hotel because she was DRUNK . ” his gaze were frantic once more as they darted between conan , ruairi & , adam , before settling on mikey , “ we know , kid . but we’re not the ones you need to be telling that to right now . ” he was right . it had been THREE days since this had dropped & all he’d said to evan was things about her god damn saint valentine job . he’d kept the whole walking out of the interview from her to stop her from freaking out over rumours of him being with bex . but now here it was plastered across a website for all to see . he didn’t want to think what was going on in her head . “ yeah , yeah , you’re right . ” his hands were shaky as he reached for his phone jean pockets , so much so that it took a few attempts to be able to press her name on his list of recent calls before he brought it to her ear . one ring , two rings , three rings , four rings . . . voice message . he pulled the phone from his ear & hung up . “ fuck . ” “ it’s early in the morning t’ere , right ? she’s probably asleep . ” adam , always the voice of reason . “ fuck t’at . she can wake up . ” ruairi , an idiot but the most inline with the thoughts in his own mind . she did make him promise to call no matter the time . “ try again . ”& he did as took in a breath as he pressed her contact again , lighting his phone up before he brought it to his ear . & he tried again & again & again . he tried until finally , the line on the other end broke . he sat up straighter , forcing everyone around him to tense . nothing . no voice message . he took the phone away from his ear for a moment to see the time ticking over . “ what’s going — ” but kieran waved ruairi away as he brought the phone back to his ear . hesitating for one more second before he finally spoke , “ evan ? ” another pause , “ don’t hang up . please . ” he shifted to the edge of the couch , “ i can explain everyt’ing . ”

#𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 / kieran + evan .

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the-fiction-witch · 3 years

Text

Together p4

REAL LIFE FALLOUT

COUPLE TBS X READER

RATING FLIRTY+ SAD AF

It had been months or so the calendar has told me, the days bluured together with little to distinguish one from another. The bombs fell above us sometimes near, sometimes far. Meal times came and went whenever we got hungry, and at times we would sleep or try to atleast. Other sounds could be heard above us, moving, crashing as the world above us fell apart. In this life I cared now only that I was alive, I was breathing, I was eating, I was washing. And that Jane was safe and sound here perfectly safe.

Thomas began to grow rather attached to us both but he rarely showed it, he would sit for hours apon hours listening to the radio for the hits marking them on his map if needed, and as much as I hated to admit it we had grown closer.

Of all the times to do so I suppose.

We would share a kiss or two over the course of the day heads and cheeks mostly as we went about business in the shelter, we would almost always be talking mostly thought Janie as she rarely spoke for herself but a few words here and there. We had got you could call it very comfortable with each other, being unable to hide much as we shared and bed and a bathroom. And when he asked it off me, I would please him in our bed. It was never much just my hand and maybe some more intense kisses, but I'd let his hands wonder wherever he wanted to put them and he very much liked this arrangement. I never felt pressured or anything like that to do so and he always offered something for me too but I had little interest in such things.

I finished up the prep for dinner and picked Janie up from the floor where she was playing sitting in the bed moving my dress to feed her, I looked up as she began to feed and saw Thomas sat at the table looking at me

"Yes?"

"Nothing, nothing"

"What is it?"

"When is it my turn?" He smirked

"Never, you don't need them she does"

"... I need them"

"No Thomas you want them there's a difference"

"I see no difference"

"You wouldn't" I giggled as she finished up so I fixed my dress and set her back down to play while I returned to the kitchen to finish odd with dinner as I did standing over the pot cooking up left overs if left overs from a few nights past into a stew I felt hands wrapping around me and kisses up my neck

"I need them, just as bad as she does." He smirked moving his hands to grab my breasts I didn't stop him I saw no reason too honestly "ummm... The feel so good" he groans

"Thomas… Janie will hear you!"

"She won't she's playing with her toys, come on let me play with mine" he growled

"Dinners almost ready" I said absent mindedly

"Dinner can wait. I'm not all that hungry" he smirked "ummm, fuck you feel so good" he groans rubbing across all of my skin with his hands and arms, pressing himself against my back completely "you are such a beautiful woman, aren't I Lucky to have you down here with me" he smirked trying to move a hand under my dress but I kept stopping him "doesn't my sexy lady wanna feel good too? I just wanna make you feel as good as you make me feel"

"Not today Thomas"

"You keep saying that, don't you want me y/n?"

"It's not that Thomas, it's just… complicated" I answered "well talk about it later okay?"

"Okay," he smirked as he continued anyway "ummmm…" he groaned rubbing his hard erection against my dress "I'm gonna fuck you so hard tonight babydoll" he whispered in my ear

"What?" I asked quietly in a mild shock at those words

"Umm Humm… I am gonna fuck you so fucking hard babydoll, till you scream for me" he smirked kissing down my neck "as soon as Janie goes to bed" he smirked kissing my cheek I went to speak but jane began to cry "I've got it" he smiled going over and picking her up, I severed up dinner still a little shaken by it all but I smiled as I watched him moving around the little shelter floor, being careful not to step on her toys, holding her tightly, safely and sweetly in his arms, her head on his shoulder and chest, her rattle in her hand, the radio turned off from the news, he was gently singing to her and dancing with her, she didn't cry a single tear in his arms, infact she giggled with joy till he put her down and came to dinner.

"Your good with children Thomas"

"Yeah" he shrugs focusing on his food

"Why?"

"..... It's a long story"

"We have forever"

"I know we do" he says

"Thomas, what are you worried about?" I asked "it's not like we can go anywhere" I smiled holding his hand as we finished up dinner

"I don't know, it's complicated y/n. Very complicated" he says taking the dishes and going to wash them "it's time she went to bed" he says I nodded and took jane to bed wrapping her up and giving her, her favourite teddy and she happily fell asleep, Thomas made a cup of tea for each of us I took the cup and we sat in bed against the headboard in our PJs our little lamp the only light on down here. "You really wanna know?" He asks and I nodded "okay" he sighed sipping his tea "when we first met… what did you think about me?'

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"I thought you where handsome" I smiled and he blushed a little "handsome, but an asshole"

"That's a fair assessment" he laughs

"What did you think about me?"

"Honestly not much, I didn't know much about you, just that you where single and you had a little girl. Nothing else really, you seemed sweet enough, beautiful, a little… lonely" he says

"Why are you good with kids Thomas? It's unusual someone like you"

"Someone like me?"

"The fancy clothes, the flash car, the… mild attitude problem."

"I did say it was completed."

"Then explain it to me" I said "please Thomas."

"I wasn't always like this. On my own I mean. I had a wife, a house, kids, a crappy little car for all the kids shit" he laughs stroking his mug with his thumb

"What happened?'

"It all went to fucking shit" he sighed "her name was Mary, she was beautiful, a little intense sometimes but … I liked that back then. We where fresh out of college and I just, I thought I was so in love with her, I'd do anything for her, so I married her. Got a dead end job, bought a shitty car, bought a house… all the stuff your meant to do"

"What about children?"

"We had three, a boy and two girls. Arthur, penny, and eliza. I spoilt them, I adored them, anything they asked for I'd do my best to make it work,"

"How old?"

"Now, arthurs nine, Penny's six and little eliza should be three now"

"What happened?"

"The usual" he shrugs "I came home from work one day and, there she was. Fucking my best friend. I broke down and she wanted a separation, I thought for months to get to stay begged her to let us try and make it work but she didn't want anything to do with me anymore, he made more money then me, had a bigger dick then me, all that stuff so, she wanted a divorce. I let her have it, so I moved away came here and started life again, in my own."

"What about the kids?"

"I haven't seen them in over a year now, eliza was only two months old when I found out about, marys affair. She won't let me see them, she says there not even mine…."

"Would you want to see them?'

"Of course I would, even if there not mine, I raised them, there my kids and… I can't even see them. Now. I don't think I'll ever see them again"

"Thomas… I'm so sorry"

"It's okay, I'll get over it" he sighed "I know it's a little weird but, I don't feel that bad about it anymore…. Guess I have you and Janie to deal with now." He laughs "not like I'm replacing- you know what I mean"

"Yeah, I know what you mean" I smiled giving him a kiss and a cuddle he cuddles me back as we sipped our tea till he spoke up

"Y/n?"

"Yes?"

"... You don't have to answer but." He began "where's janie's father?"

"That Thomas… is a very complicated story" I said sipping my tea nervously

"Will you tell me?"

"It's a long story"

"We have forever babydoll" he smiled taking my hand "I'm just curious."

"I told everyone he was dead, workplace accident."

"Is that true?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Then who was he?"

"I don't know"

"... You, you don't know who her father is?"

"No, some random man who sold his stuff" I giggled

"Sold his- you mean… she wasn't conceived-"

"Naturally? No." I smiled "I uhh I can't have kids Thomas. Accident a few years back, they saved a few eggs but only a few. I knew I couldn't afford to keep them saved so, I used them all trying with various samples but Jane was the only one who took. She's my little angel. She's all I have and all… I'll ever have"

"So, how was she born?"

"I gave birth but I was in the hospital for so long with it all going on, I wanted to hide it from people they didn't need to know."

"Ohh y/n, come here babydoll" he says giving me a cuddle "if you want" he spoke up "were going to be here for… atleast the next few years. Those are formative years for her, I might not ever see my kids again, and it's very likely you'll never know when her father is. I wouldn't mind… us becoming a family?"

"Us?"

"The three of us, she'll grow up with a mummy who adores her, and a daddy who loves her more than anything, she'll be loved and cared for so she's happy. And… neither of us have to be so alone anymore"

"I'd like that Thomas" I smiled

"I'd love that y/n" he smiled.

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the-friendly-struggling-writer · 4 years

Text

Please listen to me

Sanders Sides (Web Series)

Relationship:

Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders

Characters:

Deceit | Janus Sanders

Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Morality | Patton Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders

Additional Tags:

Spoilers for Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides

Panic Attacks

Cuddling & Snuggling

Fluff and Angst

Hurt/Comfort

Angst with a Happy Ending

Disney References

Confused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders

Getting to Know Each Other

this is for my muilshipper heart

I need some roceit in my life

I Will Go Down With This Ship

How Do I Tag

Pre-Relationship

Not Beta Read

Read on ao3

Written using the prompt "would you just listen to me for two seconds". the aftermath of putting others first. Janus goes to apologize for what he said.

“Would you just listen to me for two seconds Roman, please”, Janus begged. After he snapped back at Roman he hasn’t stopped feeling guilty about it. He had never meant to cause any harm to anyone, least of all Roman.

Roman paused walking away from Janus, waiting t hear what he was going to say next. “Roman, I’m so sorry for what I did,” Janis said while holding back tears that were collecting in his eyes, “I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt Patton. It all just spiraled out of control. And I had to get my point across.” Janus stopped his speaking to try and slow down his breathing to a somewhat steady pace. As this was happening Roman had turned around to look directly at Janus. It didn’t take Roman at all to notice that Janus was crying. Not even Janus could fake being that upset. Especially with the red puffy eyes or with that expression that he was wearing. Roman could only describe it as a broken window with a 100 different shards of glass. The image was reinforced in Roman’s head by the way that the tears have made the scales on Janus’ face stand out more.

Janus was about to continue his explanation of his actions, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t speak. His throat had suddenly run day and scratchy as he tried to swallow. Which, considering what happened next wasn’t very much like self-preservation.

“Oh, oh dear”, was the last normal thought that had run its way thought Janus’ head. His breathing sped up, his eyes flicked about the corridor to find something. Janus’ eyes locked onto Roman’s.

Roman could tell that something was wrong. He had spent to much time with the anxious side to know when something was not right. slowly Roman walked back to the way that he came and towards Janus giving him time to react to Roman’s approach.

Roman locked eyes with Janus’, and a small broken, strangled cry managed to brake its way free from the confines of Janus’ throat. That was all it took for Roman to put together the puzzle pieces of what was wrong with Janus. Roman had spent too many evenings helping Patton calm down Virgil from a panic attack. And Janus was deftly having one of them at the moment.

“It’s ok Janus,” Roman said trying to comfort him. There was a reason that it was mainly Patton that helped Virgil with these. Roman could barely stop himself from getting stressed never mind someone else.

At this time Janus was struggling to stay standing upright, his vision was blurred by the wet tears that still clung to his face. His hearing wasn’t much better but somehow a faint sound broke its way though so that Janus here it. “Let’s sit down. It will be ok.” Who was Janus to try and argue with the sound, he would just lose anyway. Slowly with his back agents the wall, Janus managed to get down without falling over. Sitting back agent the wall as to steady himself. Janus’ eyes just stared forward not focusing on anything that was happening. Roman quietly joined him on the floor, thinking about what he needs to do next. There was no way that he could leave him. Not even a minute to find someone who could help. It didn’t feel right if he did. They only way that someone could help way if they stumbled upon them in the hall. Unfortunately this way not going to happen. ‘Think, Roman, think. There’s got to be something that you can remember. There has to be. Oh that’s right Patton does that breathing exercise to help Virgil.’

Roman didn’t if it would be ok to tap out the counts on Janus’ arm or not, so it would better safe and not sorry by making him worse. “De-um, Janus try and focus on the sound of my voice. We are going to slow down your breathing. Try and take in a breath for 4.”

Janus could just about heard what Roman had said but didn’t know where the sound had come from, what could he lose if he did listen to it. It might even mean that Remus had found him and was helping him once again though one of them. Remus always found Janus whenever he had one of these. Sucking in a deep breath to the sound of Roman counting. “That’s great, now try and hold for 8, ok.” This time Janus only got to the count of 4 before he violently started coaching. “It’s ok. It’s ok. Let’s keep trying.”

Taking in another breath to the count of 4, Janus’ thoughts and panic was barley started to slow down but slow down nonetheless. “Hold for 8 if you can,” Roman said trying to help. ‘I hope this is working’ thought Roman.

“That’s it Janus, you’re doing great. Keep going.” Janus slowly took in another breath to the count of 4 and repeated the sequence. After a few minutes of this Jauns managed to realize that he was in fact not in his room, never mind being by himself. Looking up he stared directly into the chocolate brown eyes that belonged to a certain red creative side. ‘Why do his eyes look so pretty’, thought Janus as he diverted his gaze to the cream coloured floor. Both in an effort to hide his embarrassment and the blush that was rapidly spreading across his face. ‘How could I be so dumb. Now he will never let me forget about this from happening.’

“Are you ok Janus?”,Roman asked sitting on the floor next to Janus, staring at the wall on the other side of the hallway. ‘I forgot how soft the carpet was’ thought Roman as he waited for Janus’ response.

Janus bared his face into his yellow gloved hands. “I will take that as a no then,” Roman responded. Not knowing what to say next.

Taking a few breaths to steady his voice, Janus replied “Yes Roman. I’m perfectly fine.” before trying to stand up to leave but unfortunately for Janus, well unfortunately was what he thought. In the long run it was going to help their relationship that he didn’t have the strength or the energy to stand up by himself.

“You do know that this time I can tell that you are lying Janus. I’ve just seen you have a panic attack, and don’t you dare try to deny it. I’ve hung around with Virgil for long enough to tell what a panic attack is and what overly anxious is.” Roman snapped at Janus. Instantly regretting the words that he just spoke. ‘Janus just had a panic attack, and then you just had to go and snap at him. Great job there Roman, you messed it all up again.’ Roman let out a sigh as he finished that thought.

Janus looked at the floor not wanting to meet Roman’s eyes as he spoke. “Well at least I don’t issue about becoming like Remus,” Roman looked directly at Janus, his eyes widening in surprise. “I’m sorry I..I shouldn’t have said those things I said that about you. I shouldn’t have said those things I said before to you. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Roman.” At this point Janus was starting to tear buck up again. He stopped speaking as not to sound more pathetic as he thought he looked.

“Hey Janus, It’s ok. It’s going to be.” Roman tried to reassure him as he placed a hand into Janus’ shoulder.

“But it’s not,” Janus said as a tear fell down his face as he pulled away from Roman. “It’s not ok. How can it be? Not after I said all those awful things to you. Or when I was going a bit overboard with the flirting at the trial. I’m s-” before going cut off by Roman.

“If you say one more word and I’m quoting Patton ‘I will physically fight you’.” Janus froze unsure of what to do. “I,” Roman sighed as he collected his thought of what to say to the crying side. “Janus, no matter what I say you are not going to fight me on this or argue about it, ok.”

Janus was very confused by the direction that Roman was going in but agreed to it anyway. “Janus I forgive you.” Hearing this Janus was just about to argue back but Roman stopped him first. “Remember what you agreed to Janus. No arguing.”

“Ok fine but why? Why would you do that? I’ve not given you a reason to trust me never mind forgive me.” Janus questioned.

“Janus the thing is that I still don’t trust you or that you have given me a reason too but that doesn’t mean that I can’t forgive you,” as Roman explained he stared at the wall across from where they are sitting in the corridor but Janus was looking directly at the roman in curiosity at what he was going to say next. “I know that you are wanting a full explanation but I just can’t explain it. It just feels right to forgive you. Sorry that I can’t explain it better than that. I’m also sorry that I laughed at you and you’re name. I was wrong and I still did it. I hope that you can also forgive me for all that I did.” Roman finished speaking all looked directly into Janus’ brown eyes that were swimming with different kinds of emotions. “Of course I forgive you, Ro I wish we didn’t need to have all of this to happen for us to get to this point,” Janus replied.

“Yeah, you are right there,” Roman laughed.

This caused Janus to let out a sigh of relief from part of the worry that he was feeling. Which in turn caused him to suddenly realize the tiredness that was feeling and that he needed to yawn. “Someone must be tried then,” Roman joked.

“Haha very funny Roman. You would be too if you just had a panic attack, wouldn’t you?” Janus rebutted at Roman. After thinking for a minute, a small sound escaped from Janus’ lips.

“What is it?” asked Roman wondering what was on Janus’ mind.

“For some reason my body doesn’t want to move from this position on the floor,” Janus answered.

“Do you want me to help you get back to your room?” Roman said unsure of what Janus’ answer would be because on one hand it was to stay sat in the corridor or on the other was Janus having to expert help from another side that wasn’t Remus. From the light coating of pink that was scattered across Janus’ face Roman could tell that it was going to have to be option two.

“Please,” Janus replied looking away in the opposite direction from Roman trying to hide his face.

Standing up slowing as not to lose his balance, Roman walked in front of Janus and held out a hand for Janus to grab on to. Which he gladly expected. Unfortunately Roman pulled Janus up a bit too fast which sent Janus flying straight into Roman’s chest. Roman managed to grab him before they could both fall over. This ended which Roman’s arms wrapped around Janus’ back and waist. If someone was to stumble upon them in this current pose they would think that they were randomly dancing in the middle of the corridor. Which caused a light blush to cross there faces for a few seconds.

“We should, em,” Roman said awkwardly, parting but with Roman still helping to hold Janus up.

“Yeah,” replied Janus to Roman while staring to the side of Roman’s head.

Slowly but surely, Roman and Janus made there way back down the corridor that Janus had chased Roman down an hour or two ago. As they continued, Janus realized that they were going to have to go past the living room. He just had to hope that there was no one in there. It was embarrassing enough for Roman to have to help him. Never mind someone else seeing him. Seeing him like that. The only one that could see him and have him not be as embarrassed would be Remus. They have helped each other more times than Janus could count of all of his hands. especially after Virgil stopped talking to them for a while.

Entering through the doorway that was the living room, Janus saw, unfortunately, it wasn’t empty. Virgil and Patton were cuddled up on the couch watching one for Patton’s many cartoons. This time it was avatar: the last air bender. From looking at the TV Roman could tell that they were about three fourths through book one.

Janus had his head down as they walked across the room to avoid looking at the pair on the couch.

Roman looked over to Patton and Virgil to see what their reactions would be to him scaly getting along with Janus.

If the situation wasn’t as serious as it was Roman would have laughed at Virgil's reaction. With wide eyes and a slacked jaw, Virgil looked back and forth from Roman and Janus to Patton next to him to confirm what he was seeing was real. Patton the other hand looked over to Roman as if to say ‘are you guys ok’ and that ‘do you need any help. Roman gently shook his head to say that they were fine, or that they were going to be anyway.

As the red and yellow pair left the living room all that could be heard from there was “What was all that about” in the sound of Virgil’s voice.

Lucky there wasn’t far left to get to Janus’ room. As they approached, for the first time Roman actually had a close look at what was Janus’ door. A black down with yellow snakes going up and down the door, with a name tag that said “Deceit” on it. “I haven’t had a chance to change it yet,” Janus as he saw where Roman was looking at the door. “Umm, thanks for helping me get back here Roman.”

“Oh, you’re welcome Janus,” Roman replied as he opened the door to help Janus on but upon seeing what was inside Roman froze in surprise. ‘This is definitely not what I had expected’ though Roman. The walls of the room had been painted a light grey. The floor, a bright yellow carpet with a black rug on top as not to overwhelm the room with too much colour. Janus’ bed was pushed back against the top left corner of the room and was piled high with blankets and a few plushes of different animals. The ones that stood out the most to Roman was the red loin and the yellow snake that were right up at the top of the bed next to the pillows. On the other side of the room are several bookshelves filled with books and other things that Janus had collected over the years that he felt important enough to have on display. Next to the door was at first what Roman though to be a fish tank, but there was no water in it. Poking out from a rock was the face of a small corn snake that was staring up at Roman with curiosity written on its face. There was also a TV across from the bed with a collection of different films ranging from documentaries to Disney classics that Roman loved. “Well this is different than what I had thought It would be,” Roman said to no one in particular.

“What did you expect it to be like. One of the evil layers that super villains have?” Janus snapped.

“Kinda, yeah but a bit warmer than what they seem to look like,” Roman replied with fondness escaping into his voice.

“Janus just rolled his eyes at Roman’s idea as if to say ‘of course that’s what you thought’, “I’m sorry I snapped at you, you didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s ok. You thought I was going to be horrible about your room. I actually like your room a lot. It definitely suits you now that I know you a little bit better now,” Roman reassured.

“Thanks,” Janus said simply as Roman helped him to his bed. The last of Janus’ energy wasn’t going to last long.

“Are you going to be ok for the night?” Roman asked standing awkwardly unsure of what to now do with his hands now that he has set Janus down on his bed.

“I, um,” Janus paused to think of a way to put it into words of what he was feeling. Looking down Janus mumbled something under his breath, too embarrassed to meet Roman’s eyes as he spoke.

“What was that Janus? I couldn’t hear you when you talk like that,” Roman said trying to pull the word out from Janus.

It was only slightly louder voice that Janus next spoke in, “could you please stay?”

This was just loud enough for Roman to understand what he was saying. “Janus don’t worry about it. Do you want to know something?” Roman questioned.

“What is it?” Janus answered trying to suppress a yawn. It didn’t work. This to Roman was very cute.

“I kinda don’t want to be as well,” Roman said. As he waited for Janus’ reaction Roman also yawned. ‘I guess the right thing that says that yawns are contagious from people that you like are true’.

“Thanks. I’m sorry. I get clingy after having one of those.” Janus said supposed that Roman would feel the same way.

“It’s fine Janus. More than fine really. If it’s ok, can I go put on a film?” Roman asked looking back at Janus.

“Sure. You can pick which one you want to. I like all of the ones that are there,” Ater Janus finished speaking he shuffled over to the other side of the bed to make room for Roman to get in. Janus was secretly hoping that Roman would be ok if he tried to cuddle him.

With a smile on Roman’s lip, he walked over to the TV and DVD player to pick which one that he was going to choose. Scanning his eyes across the boxes of the films, one almost immediately stood out to him. “I didn’t know that you liked frozen?” Roman asked smiling back at the half-snake side who had in the time that Roman had been picking, had wrapped himself in many of the blankets that had been on the bed.

“There is a lot of things that you don’t know about me,” Janus answered trying to act all ominous but Roman just let out a small giggle at Janus’ behavior.

After putting on the film and pressing play, Roman walked back over to the bed and climbed in. this caused Janus to wrap his arms around Roman and placed his head on the creative side’s chest. “Umm, is this ok,” Janus asked unsure if it was alright to do so.

“This is perfect, Janus. It’s so much better than perfect.” Roman to said to reassure him. With that the pair of sides settled down to watch the film.

Janus was the first to fall asleep. Roman could tell by Janus’ breathing evening out. “I hope that we don’t have to fight for us to end up cuddling. I wish that we could do this anytime we wanted to.” Roman said as he ran his fingers through Janus’ soft hair. And soon Roman was lulled to sleep by the gentle snores that came from the snake side.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #ts janus #ts roman #ts virgil #ts patton #tw panic attack #franthehorsegirl's fanfics #fanfic #roceit

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marvinswriting · 4 years

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trapped

ANOTHER BORROWER JANIS FIC? A N D IT'S LONG (ish)? wow.

Trusting Damian was probably the best decision of my life. Not that I've had to make many life-changing decisions.

It didn't take long for Gretchen and Kevin to find out that I've been caught. It took them even less time to want to meet Damian for themselves.

Even though they all knew each other now, I was still the only one visiting Damian often. Gretchen was still slightly scared and Kevin just couldn't be bothered. I mean, fair.

We (It was really just me) had made a new path through the house right to Damian's room but I was the only one to use it often. It leads behind an outlet abnormally high in the wall where Damian's desk was. He used to use it to plug in lights (as you would and outlet) but now it sits there without screws.

But that's not where I was right now. I was sitting in the combined living space next to Gretchen. "I saw it, I swear."

She was whining about a mouse which, to be fair- was scary, but it wasn't near us right now so why carry on like this.

"Ariel will get it, I'm sure."

"Janis," I don't think I've ever seen Gretchen this stressed. "It was so close to our house! We live in a pocket of room between beams of wood! It could be on the other side right now."

"But at least it's not on this side."

"Maybe not now but it clearly was." Kevin says walking into the room holding what used to be a bag full of granola.

I curse under my breath, taking the bag from him. "All of it?"

"And the rest of our food."

"Kevin, that was our stash for the week!"

"Do I look like a mouse? Why are you yelling at me?!"

Sometimes our dysfunctional family arguments got so loud I'm surprised we didn't get caught.

I run my hand down my face. It's still early, maybe six pm. We don't even think of borrowing until past midnight.

"What are we gonna do?" Gretchen asks. She sounds like she might cry.

"I'll go get Damian." I say. We don't ask for his help often. Ever since that night, he just leaves out granola chunks once a week and I visit just to talk and hang out with somebody other than my roommates. But he did say whenever he needed help to get him, so-

"You can't go that way!" Gretchen hissed as I went to shift the block of wood we use as a makeshift door.

"And why not?"

"Janis, are you stupid?" Kevin deadpans. "Gretchen saw the fucking mouse over there."

Oh right. Maybe I am stupid.

Huh.

"Well, I can't just walk through the house."

"We can go borrowing on our own," Gretchen says. "You've gone soft and dependent, Janis. Damian won't always be there. What happens when we have to move, or he moves out? You're losing your skills. Look-" Gretchen throws a thimble at me- and hard.

"Ow!" I whine as it bounces off my shoulder.

"Janis four months ago would have caught that." Gretchen shakes her head, earning a murmur of agreement from Kevin.

"Okay, I'm shitty. Sure. Whats you're point?"

"We don't need Damian to borrow. We're borrowers. It's in our name."

"Fine," I say, shoving borrowing tools into my bag. I get Gretchen's point. I also know she and Kevin don't trust Damian. But I don't see an issue with asking for help- at least not anymore. Maybe Gretchen was right, now I'm soft and dependent, but at least I've got a friend. Other then roommates that bully each other.

"Are we going now? It's still early." I ask.

"I'll do a quick lookout," Kevin says before disappearing.

Gretchen and I stand in silence for a bit.

"I'm sorry for yelling." She says quietly. We never apologize. I guess I'm not the only one soft. "After that night with the cat, when you met Damian- I thought you were dead. And yeah, none of us are friends but you're still my roommates. You're the closest thing to family a borrower is gonna get. And I just want to see you safe. The bond you've formed with that human- it's not it."

I scowl. "Sweet sentiment, Gretchen, but you don't know what you're talking about. You want to see me safe, well Damian is the only reason I am here and I am safe. You don't trust him but you also never put in the effort to try."

"All I'm saying is from an outside perspective, this is a sure way to get yourself killed."

"Anything we do we can get killed!" And we're yelling again. "Fall off a table, run into the cat, get caught by a human-"

"Yeah! Get caught by a human! You said it yourself, Janis!"

I cross my arms. "That's different."

"How so?"

"He isn't gonna kill me!"

"Intentionally."

I freeze, meeting Gretchen's eyes. She shrugs, seemingly happy her point got across.

I never thought of it. Damian and I had both been so careful around each other. It's never a thought that even entered my mind.

And I won't let it now.

I shake my head, regaining my composure and glaring at Gretchen.

"You're wrong."

"Am I?"

"Yes." I'm determined to stand my ground and not let Gretchen in my head again. "Damian is careful, he isn't reckless. He sees me and another living creature, nothing less than."

Gretchen shrugs as Kevin walks back into the room. "You're funeral. I won't attend."

"Woah." Kevin holds his hands up. "What did I just witness?"

"I'm officially dead to Gretchen, I guess."

"Cmon guys." Kevin seems genuinely saddened by this normal occurrence. I'm cut out of Gretchen's life every other week.

"No! I won't 'come on guys'! When Damian decides he bored with keeping Janis around and exposes all of us we all have to pay for her reckless behavior!"

"Damian wouldn't do that." I put my hands on my hips.

"Would he not? You're not even four inches tall. You think you have some big impact on his life? Your friendship isn't mutual! Unlike you, Damian probably has a life outside these walls! He doesn't care about you!" Gretchen's voice gets softer as her anger dies. "And I'm sorry the only way I could get that through to you was by yelling. I know its hard for you. But-"

"No."

"What?" Gretchen takes a step back at my cold attitude. Tears are burning in the corners of my eyes, but I refuse to let them spill. Kevin seems mildly annoyed at most. He looks like he could use some popcorn.

"You don't know what you are talking about. You never put in the time to meet him and-"

"Janis do you hear yourself?! You've got the same two arguments. You don't know him, he isn't like that. How can you not see this only ends up with you hurt?! Emotionally or physically!"

Call me immature, but I don't want to hear anymore. So I walk away. I duck into my room, Gretchen calling after me.

We still have a couple more hours until we need to borrow anyway.

"Janis."

"Go away, Kevin."

"Gretchen is just looking out for you."

"She's doing a shit job at it." I look in my mirror past me to see Kevin hovering in my doorway. He didn't seem to have more to say, so instead, he changed the topic.

"The Hubbards aren't home. We're thinking of doing a quick trip before they get back."

"Do we know when they get back?"

"No."

"Then that's too risky."

"You don't get to talk about risky, Janis."

I shrug. "All I'm saying is we can go four hours without food."

"Janis."

"Fine!" I throw my hands up in defeat. "I don't know what you two gain from a death mission or what point you're trying to prove, but let's just go get fucking food."

Kevin smiles, but it's forced. He isn't happy, he's just relieved he got his way without too much of a fight.

We don't take our normal route this time. We have to go the long way to avoid the mouse that attacked Gretchen. This route requires us to climb up and it leads out to the counter and its probably my least favorite course.

I curse as I lose my footing on a nail and almost fall.

"Jesus, Janis." Gretchen says from above me, but she seems more concerned than annoyed.

"Yeah yeah." I mumble, regaining my composure and continuing to climb.

We all make it to the entrance (without falling). Kevin goes out first to do a quick lookout and Gretchen and I stay back in silence.

This entrance is also a broken outlet, but unlike Damian's, there was still power going through it, so pushing it open was always a dangerous task.

"All clear." Kevin waves us out. "Ariel is on the sofa."

From the kitchen table, you can see the front door which leads into the living room. And sure enough, Ariel is asleep contently.

There's a lot of things on the kitchen counter, none of it is food. A napkin holder is blocking my view of the front door, and there are a couple of cups scattered around as well as papers or any random object put down.

There's a gap in between two counter tiles, maybe the size of my foot. It's an easy step across, but we have to be careful not to drop any of our tools down there. We'd never get them back.

"There's no food." Gretchen deadpans.

"Really." I roll my eyes. After what my roommates said, I was feeling less and less sure that I should ask Damian for help. It made me feel guilty because deep down, I knew they were wrong. But- what if they weren't?

Unlike you, Damian probably has a life outside these walls!

It'd be shitty luck, but pretty par to how my life generally goes. My pity party is interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

Shit.

We all collectively freeze as the sounds of voices fill the building.

"Guys!" Kevin the first to snap out of it as he pulls back the outlet, holding it for us. I nod and begin speed walking over when I hear a cry from behind me.

I whirl around to see-

Gretchen's got her foot stuck in the crack.

Of course.

The voices are closer, and I'm right in the middle of the outlet or Gretchen. My mind momentarily flashes back to when Gretchen left me with the cat but we meet eyes and all bad morals disappear.

She's crying and I can tell it's from both pain and fear.

I rush towards her, ignoring the cries of protest from Kevin.

My mind is in overdrive, picking up every noise while simultaneously blocking it all out.

I can hear Damian and his dad, their voices clearly heading towards the kitchen, but my mind has tunnel vision, focusing on Gretchen.

Gretchen reaches out to me like a lost child. I grab her forearms and she does the same, and I lean backwards with all my weight. Gretchen cries out in pain but her foot doesn't move.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I look up momentarily and freeze upon seeing Damian enter the kitchen with his dad behind him.

We're too late.

We're done for.

Fuck.

"Janis." Gretchen whimpers.

"I'm trying."

I bend down and grab Grechen's ankle, trying to lift her foot out from the source. I can tell she's trying to stay still and quiet, maybe they won't notice-

A shadow falls over us, and I freeze.

Fuck.

I don't even want to look up.

Fuck.

If its Damian, then that's embarrassing.

If it's his dad, then we're dead.

I glance up-

Damian is standing with his back to us, leaning against the counter talking to his dad.

He's blocking us from the view.

I could break down and cry in relief, but we've still got a problem. Upon seeing it’s sort of safe, Kevin rushes over to help. He lifts Gretchen up while I pull out her foot. Gretchen lets out a muffled cry but she’s free. She leans heavily on both Kevin and I as we make out way to the outlet again. I don't bother looking back, I'm busy carrying half of Gretchen's body weight.

That's gonna be sprained for a while.

And we still need food.

Fuck.

"Janis, I know it's you."

I sigh and step out from where I was hidden in the shadows. "What are you doing out here."

Damian is standing with his arms crossed the center of the kitchen, strongly resembling a disappointed mother.

"You guys were almost caught."

"Blame Gretchen." I shrug, avoiding Damian's gaze.

"Is she okay?"

"We're no doctors but she's probably not gonna be borrowing for a while."

Damian tsks. "You need food?"

"No, you don't have to worry, I can do it myself. I don't wanna be a bother you probably have other things to do-"

"Janis."

"Yes," I mumble, glancing up. Damian looks like he can't decide whether to laugh or be concerned. "What?"

"I offered. You aren't a bother."

"Okay," I said softly.

I guess I let Gretchen's words get to me more then I realized.

Damian grabs granola before turning back to me. "What would you have done if I didn't see you?"

I shrug. "Died, probably."

Damian obviously did not like this answer. "Janis."

"What do you want me to say?! We're small and inconvenient and it's a big dangerous fucking world!"

"You can ask for help next time."

I hug myself slightly. "You'd get annoyed fast if I asked for help every time. I'm a borrower, I should be able to do this on my own."

Damian doesn't try to fight my point. "Can I pick you up?"

"Why?" I question but nod anyway.

Damian reaches out and gently scoops me up, letting me fall into the palm of his hand before holding me to his chest.

"Because I want to talk with my friend and not risk her getting caught. We're gonna go to my room"

Friend.

Take that, Gretchen.

"Okay." I laugh softly as Damian makes his way through the house.

tldr, gretchen is a bitch but its from the heart @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @sourishlemons @smallsoysauce

#g/t mean girls #mg borrower au #tiny janis #borrower janis #borrower gretchen #tiny gretchen #tiny kevin #borrower kevin #giant damian #g/t writing #g/t #Giant/tiny #sfw g/t

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sicklovesongff · 4 years

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Chapter 5

Nikki Sixx

He’s being walking around the hotel, searching for someone to talk. Tried to talk to Mick , but he was locked inside his bedroom, since he started to date that stupid Emi, being with her was the only thing he was doing.

Went to try to find Vince, but of course he wasn’t anywhere near. Maybe inside his or anyone’s bedroom, fucking a groupie or any girl he put his eyes on.

Tommy was his last hope. But, talking to Tommy is never something easy to do. Tommy is like a puppy on cocaine, always super happy, always super electric. He wouldn’t understand. Damm it! Nikki doesn’t understand either.

Tommy. Tommy is his last chance.

But, of course he wasn’t there. The barman said he took a bottle of Jack and split, maybe to the terrace to smoke some dope or something like that.

That little shit….

The moment Nikki finally finished going up a thousand steps from those stupid stairs, he saw it. For a moment he didn’t recognize the person, but a minute later he figured out who it was.

-Hey man! – he said trying to sound less as a jerk.

Jani Lane turned his neck to check Nikki out, a very confused look in his eyes.

-Ah, hey man. – he answered.

Nikki smiled, he knew why Jani Lane was acting like that. He was Nikki fucking Sixx, the worst bad boy of the metal world. He was from the band with the worst reputation on the scene, the infamous Motley Crue and as far as he knew, he was the worst of the four of them.

-Did you see Tommy? – he asked and Jani made a little gesture with his neck, indicating two people talking next to the edge of the building.

-Your twin is there. – Jani said.

-Is there the Bon Jovi girl?

-She’s not the Bon Jovi girl. Her name is Lizzy.

-I didn’t ask and I don’t care. – Nikki said immediately. – anyways, good night man.

-I thought you wanted to talk to Tommy Lee.

-I did, but he’s clearly having more fun with her, maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow after she leaves his room.

Jon

When Jon entered his friend's room, Lizzy was still asleep, but what was that? Wasn't she crazy about all this being late thing? Didn't she freak out every time he was late? What the hell...?

-Liz! - He said loudly opening the curtains to let the sun in, while doing so Lizzy turned to the other side grumbling. - Lizzy, stand up!

She sat on the bed with some difficulty, grumbling still with her eyes closed and then Jon noticed, was it a hangover?

-Lizzy, did you drink yesterday?

She made a “a little” gesture with one hand as she struggled to get on her feet.

-After dinner? - a positive nod with the head while getting out of bed.

Lizzy wobbled toward the bathroom and then Jon realized it had been more than a little.

-What did you drink?

-Daniel’s.

-How many shots?

-A bottle.

Fuck.

-Alone? What the fuck Lizzy.

She shook her head.

-At least that, who drank with you?

She dragged herself towards the bathroom.

-No one, I drank mine and he drank his.

-He? - oh no, the only name that flashed in Jon's mind was Sebastian. - who is he?

-Do you really want to talk about it now? She asked, accelerating her step towards the bathroom and then Jon noticed that her friend was going to be sick.

- But shit, Lizzy.

-I'm leaving in a minute. -Was all she said before she slammed the door.

Jon remained in her room, sitting on the bed waiting for his friend to leave the bathroom, the image of Sebastian floating in his mind.

When she left the bathroom, Lizzy was wearing only one towel wrapped around her hair and another around her body.

-Want to tell me who you drank with yesterday?

-Can you leave so I can change? - she said simply. - as far as I know we're already late.

He didn't argue, he simply decided to obey, after all the meeting was more important than the fact that Lizzy had probably spent the night with Sebastian.

When she left the room Jon saw that she was really beautiful, she was wearing a black hat, her hair was in disarray and she also wore a pair of sunglasses, that is, hangover.

-Let's go?

The two went side by side to the hotel auditorium, Jon was surprised to see that when they got there the meeting had not yet started, after all there were still some bands to appear.

When the two finally sat down, Jon turned towards the door to see who was missing, when he saw Sebastian coming in, his long hair was wet, but he didn't seem to have slept through the night and even worse to have drunk an entire bottle of whiskey. . Had his resistance increased?

Jon couldn't look away from the singer as he entered and then, behind him, a scene caught his eye.

Jani Lane, he was walking slowly, wearing sunglasses and a tired face, as he walked into the auditorium, Jon saw him yawning at least four times, but what ...?

He looked at Lizzy, the girl was looking at nowhere, when she realized that Jon was looking at her, she looked away from him and as she did so she saw Sebastian and Jani enter.

Jon focused on her reaction and what he saw made him breathe a sigh of relief, Lizzy didn't move, smile or even frown, she just didn't seem to see anyone and stared at nothing.

Jani simply leaned on the counter and stared straight ahead, if the two of them had spent the night drinking together, they seemed to want to be discreet about that on the next day.

After the meeting and deciding which bands would be the opening ones and which ones would be the main ones, Lizzy got up and went on her way, Jon had to almost run to catch up with her.

-Hey why are you running?

-I'm not running, I'm just hungry.

-Jani? - he said simply. - Did you spend the night drinking with Jani Lane or am I mistaken?

She stared at him, one hand on her hips as she was used to doing when she was angry.

-What?- she said simply removing her sunglasses and staring at him steadily. - I spent the night drinking but wasn’t with Jani, I was with someone else, we talked, we laughed and got drunk, anything else?

What would he answer? He didn't have the right to get involved in her life, did he? No of course not.

-You spent the night doing what?

Okay, now it was starting to get ugly.

Sebastian was behind her, Lizzy turned quickly, tossing her long hair in a carefree way and staring at her ex, Sebastian was looking at her steadily.

-Is it your business? -She asked looking at him.

-You spent the night with Jani Lane, is that it?

-I said it wasn’t with Jani, are you deaf?

-So if it wasn’t with him, who was it with?

-Me. Do you have a problem with it? - the voice did not come out of Jon's mouth or Lizzy's, Tommy Lee approached walking slowly in the direction where the three were, Jon rolled his eyes, that was going to be ugly

-Lee I'm not talking to you. - Sebastian said simply. - I think you better go.

-No I think you better go, Sebastian. - Lizzy said quickly. - if there is someone who needs to turn around and get the fuck out, it is you.

Sebastian didn't seem to believe it while Lizzy spoke.

-You have no space in this conversation and even worse in my life, so please, disappear.

Jon thought he was going to react and he was ready for the fight when he saw something that just took the action out of him and seemed to take Sebastian's out too. Tommy Lee approached Lizzy, turning her back on Sebastian as if he didn't exist and after lowering his sunglasses, he looked at her closely.

- Do you have time for coffee? -He asked simply.

-Of course. - Lizzy said with a smile.

-So let's go?

Jon couldn't hide his smile when he saw Tommy reach out to her and Lizzy intertwine her arm around his as they left laughing out loud, it was a great way to make Sebastian angry. Ok he didn’t like the idea of her out and about with anyone of the Motley Crue guys, but, it was nice to see Sebastian dying inside.

Tommy

He was nervous, he didn't know if he had done the right thing, as he walked beside Lizzy in the direction of the hotel's restaurant, he felt a little strange.

-Look, thanks. - she said when the two sat at a table in a hidden corner. - but, you don't really need to have coffee with me.

- Am I that bad of a company?-Tommy asked and Lizzy smiled, seemed to have reminded what she said in the night before.

-Of course it isn't, I just thought you came with me to get rid of Sebastian.

-He doesn't give up, does he?

-No. - she said simply removing her sunglasses and placing them on the table. - I think by far, Sebastian Bach was the worst mistake of my life.

-I can not understand. - Tommy said without bothering to be thick or nosy. - sorry for the intrusion, but what did you see in it?

She smiled, tossing her hair aside, and in that instant Tommy noticed something, there was something different about that girl, something he couldn't quite identify and that was intriguing him.

-I met him through Bon Jovi, Skid Row was starting, opening Bon Jovi shows and well, he was the Bad Boy everybody said no to, so I said yes ... Yeah, I'm a fucking cliché.

-Then this make two of us. - he said smiling. - the girl that everyone wanted, I entered the dispute and ended up taking it, I shouldn't have done it, in fact I don't even know why I did it, I paid the price later.

-Are you talking about Pamela?

-Yeah.

-How long were you together?

-Almost two years. You and Sebastian?

-Almost that too, it didn't last anymore because I think if it lasted at least another day we would both be in prison cells.

- Was it that bad?

She just nodded.

-Wow.

-Yeah, yeah, wow. But if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about Sebastian and even worse about Pamela Anderson.

-And what do you want to talk about?

-Anything, from you, me, the weather, the bands, the tour, or the bread they just served us.

Tommy laughed out loud feeling a strange lightness as she did, seeing him smile Lizzy smiled in his direction which made him feel even better, Pamela used to scold him when he laughed out loud saying he was dragging too much attention and looking like an idiot.

-Sorry. – he said suddenly feeling embarrassed, Lizzy still stared at him with a smile on her lips. - I exaggerate sometimes.

She didn't move, she still looked at him with a smile.

-What's it? - Tommy asked feeling suddenly bad, he was embarrassed for sure.

-Your smile, there's something about it that just makes me want to smile too. - she said surprising him in every possible way. - you smile with ease, lightness, I've never seen anyone smile like that before.

-I am exaggerated I know.

-No, it's spontaneous, in fact it's charming.

Tommy didn't know what to say, in fact he knew that next to her, he wouldn't know what to say for a long time.

-Do you go out with me tonight? - she asked taking him by surprise, Tommy even choked on the coffee he was drinking.

-Go out with you? - he asked as if he wanted to assimilate the situation.

-Yes, a bar, anything, I'm not in the mood to stay in the hotel today, you know? And then? What do you say?

What would he say? That it was clear. He was dying to make the invitation, since he had seen Lizzy with Sebastian on the first day.

-Of course. – he said simply with a smile. -it will be great.

Of course he didn’t know that THAT night out would be the start of something ugly and really dangerous.

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spookyrobbins · 5 years

Text

mint chip

fandom: mean girls

ship: regina/janis

rating: very light m

read on ao3

I just wanted a taste.

In Janis’ defense, it was really hot out. Like balls fucking hot outside. Like she had ditched the tights and was just in shorts. But that didn’t entirely excuse the way she practically fainted when Regina pressed her lips against Janis’s.

Wait, maybe she should back up a bit.

It was all Cady’s fault, because of course it was.

If it weren’t for Cady, she wouldn’t have been at Gretchen’s house in the middle of July, sitting on the side of the oversized pool with Regina. If it weren’t for Cady, Janis wouldn’t even have been talking to Regina (but that was a whole ‘nother story). And most importantly, if it weren’t for Cady, who forgot to pick up more ice cream because she was too busy making out with her boyfriend, they wouldn’t have run out of mint chip.

It was also sort of Gretchen’s fault, although not as much as it was Cady’s fault. Gretchen was the one who wanted them all to have ice cream cones for her instagram.

(“Well, Janis, I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a certain aesthetic to be maintained on Instagram.”

“Thank you, Gretchen, I had heard of that thing you’ve called aesthetic.”)

And so, thanks to Gretchen, Janis had found herself, watching behind overly large sunglasses thank god, as Regina licked around a chocolate ice cream cone, her pink tongue peeking out from even pinker lips.

It was enough to make a girl swoon, regardless of the heat.

Not that Janis would ever admit that to anyone, ever.

(She didn’t have to. They all knew anyway.)

“Oh fuck!” Janis cursed as some of her mint chip dripped onto her hand, shirt and leg. “Jesus.” She stood up abruptly while Regina looked at her with amusement over her Prada sunglasses. “I’m just gonna go, ya know, clean up.”

“Make sure to dab, not scrub, dearest!” Damian called out from his spot lounging in the sun.

“Good plan,” rasped Regina, her tone light and amused.

Janis cast a glance towards the rest of her friends who were busy with a game of chicken, Karen and Cady perched on Gretchen and Aaron’s shoulders respectively.

She slipped into Gretchen’s ridiculously large kitchen, all fancy marble and copper pots hanging from the ceiling. Wetting a paper towel with one hand, Janis licked up the last of her ice cream before it could drip onto her hand.

“Is there any more of that?”

Janis spun around, almost dropping the ice cream.

“Geez, you need like a bell or something.” Regina nodded towards her ice cream with a set of raised eyebrows. “Uh, no, uh, Cady and Aaron didn’t pick up any more, so it’s just whatever’s left from last week.”

That seemed to satisfy Regina who shuffled off to the freezer and rummaged around.

Janis focused back on the sink and trying to scrub the sticky green stuff off her leg. She and Regina had spent minimal, if any time, together since the Spring Fling. Regina had been nice? Sort of, kind of, Janis wasn’t really sure.

“Ugh, gross, she’s out of mint chip.”

“Oh, yeah, I think I got the last of it.” Janis glanced over at Regina, who had the same pout on that she had when they were 10 and couldn’t win the big bunny at the state fair. “Go complain to Cady, she’s the one who didn’t get any more ice cream.”

Regina let out a long exhale and returned to the freezer.

Janis stifled a smile and went back to scrubbing at her leg.

And then there was a wall of pink in front of her. Janis glanced up to find Regina standing in front of her, an odd look in her eyes with an emotion Janis couldn’t quite place. Janis slowly straightened up until her eyes were level with Regina’s nose.

Before Janis could say anything, Regina moved forward and pressed her lips to Janis’s.

Unlike the last time they had kissed at a sleepover in 8th grade when Regina had been nervous about her first slow dance and the fact she had never kissed a boy, this was more than just a quick press of the lips.

Regina cupped the back of Janis’s head, gently tugging on her hair. She slowly sucked on Janis’s bottom lip, drawing out a low moan. As Regina’s tongue slipped into her mouth, Janis was vaguely aware of the sound of the ice cream hitting the floor.

Stars popped behind Janis’s eyes and then Regina moved away.

Janis blinked her eyes open, finding Regina only a few inches away.

“What the fuck, ‘Gina?” She choked out, stumbling backwards.

“What? I just wanted a taste,” said Regina with a smirk. She left with a kiss on the corner of Janis’s mouth and then sauntered back out to the pool.

“Holy fuck,” Janis let out a choked laugh, leaning against the counter. “What the fuck just happened?”

RG [11:09 PM]: Is your room the same one it’s always been?

JS [11:09 PM]: ????

RG [11:10 PM]: Janis, answer the question

JS [11:11 PM]: yes … but ur being weird

RG [11:12 PM]: Check your window.

RG [11:12 PM]: The other one

Janis twisted around to her other window, the one that looked out onto the big oak tree and the tree house her dad had never finished. And sure as fuck, there was Regina fucking George in all of her pink sweat suited glory.

And she was throwing fucking pebbles at Janis’s window.

Janis wrenched the window open and called out, “What in the everloving fuck are you doing, Regina?”

“I’m being romantic. Do you think that branch will still hold my weight?”

She motioned towards the branch that practically hit the side of the house. She and Regina had figured out at about age nine that they could come and go as they pleased by crawling out on the branch to the half finished tree house. Until, that is, they both fell out and broke their right wrists.

“Are you stupid?” Janis hissed out, her voice carrying on the summer air. “You haven’t done that in ages. Come through the front door like a normal person.”

“Aren’t your parents home?”

“Nah, my step-dad’s on a business trip and my mom’s got the night shift at the hospital. C’mon, I’ll let you in.” She stared out at Regina for a moment before turning away, a fondness seeping through her. She hesitated in front of a mirror and tucked her hair behind her ear before shaking her head. “Grow up, Sarkisian.”

She bounded down the stairs, the lightness she had been feeling since May carrying her.

And there, sure enough, on her front porch was Regina, looking unusually unsure of herself.

“Hey,” breathed out Janis.

“Hey.”

“Wanna come in?” Janis stepped aside to let Regina in. Regina stopped as soon as she got into the hallway, staring around the room. “So… should we talk about what happened earli-” Janis was cut off by Regina kissing her fiercely. After what felt like a wonderful eternity, Regina pulled back, letting Janis finish, “-er. Or, we can just do that.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to keep jumping you, but once I started, I-”

“Couldn’t stop.” Janis smiled at Regina, tugging Regina back to her. As they kissed, Janis pushed Regina back until her back hit the wall. Regina let out a yelp and stiffened against Janis. “Oh fuck, ‘Gina, I’m sorry, shit, fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“You talk too much, Jan.” Regina flipped their position so Janis was the one pressed against the wall. Regina kissed her again as Janis let out a moan. Janis nipped at Regina’s lip as one of Regina’s hands slid until her sleep shirt. Janis moved down to Regina’s neck, pressing open mouthed kisses to Regina’s neck until she found a sensitive spot near her ear.

“Don’t suppose you wanna take this upstairs?” Janis ended the sentence on a high note as Regina’s other hand pinched her ass. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

Janis led Regina back up to her bedroom, glancing over her shoulder every few times as if to check that Regina was still there. She was still there with bruised lips and dark eyes fixed on Janis, or more specifically, Janis’s ass.

Once they reached Janis’s room, she was seized by nerves and doubt until Regina grabbed her hand.

“We don’t have to do this, Jan. Not if you aren’t sure.”

“You know, ‘Gina, I think I want a taste at the very least.”

#rejanis #regina x janis #janis x regina #rejanis fanfic #**

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melanieoberle-blog · 5 years

Text

Music and drugs

(Okay, I know that my post is long, sorry!)

What does Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain, Louis Armstrong, The Beatles, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Hilel Slovak, Eminem and Jimi Hendrix have in common ? Well, they all took drugs at one point and some died of this. That will be my subject for this week: drugs and especially the relationship between drugs and creativity. I focused only on three aspects (otherwise there’s too much to say about it) which appears as questions below. In the past four decades there have been almost 300 drug-related celebrity’s deaths of whom 125 were musicians (about 38.6%). I thought it was interesting to focus a little on that, the questions it raised and how people have answered it.

I read many articles and I tried to sum it up but I put all the links so you can check for yourself if you like.

https://www.bhpalmbeach.com/the-myth-of-drugs-and-creativity-mental-illness-role-in-the-using-artist/

https://www.psypost.org/2018/01/drugs-make-people-creative-50524

https://addictionresource.com/guides/substance-abuse-among-artists/

https://www.newbeginningsdrugrehab.org/resources/opiates-and-musicians-a-cruel-trend-of-drug-abuse-and-musicians/

http://theconversation.com/the-link-between-drugs-and-music-explained-by-science-89132

First of all, Why does musicians take drugs?

The answer seems pretty obvious (and it is), there are many reasons some of which are:

-The environnement (you are most likely to take drugs if you are surrounded by people taking drugs. It is the idea that the moment, the place and the people you are with determines if you are going to take drugs or not. It reported that musicians are more exposed to drug abuse.)

-Wealth, Fame and image (drugs are expensive and famous musicians are rich so the more money you have, the more you will consume = more chances to become an addict.)

-Youth

-Peer Pressure

-Because drugs becomes an addiction

-Diminish the stress

-Helps coping with performances and concerts

-For some, it helped composing songs, many artists composed and wrote songs under drugs

There is a myth about it, drugs are supposed to help creativity, but is it true?

There is controversy about this myth. Some says that drugs cannot help creativity and other disagree, I guess we will never have a fixed answer. In an interview, Stephen King said that he thinks it is more a way for addicts to justify their use of drugs rather than a real tool for creativity (he has nothing to do with music but his point is interesting.) Some scientists said that it does not really help creativity even tough it seems to help some to master their art. For the neuroscientist David Linden « there is a link between addiction and factors that promote creativity. » however Eminem tends to disagree because to him it wasn’t the case, he preferred « watching TV rather than making tracks » while he was high. However, « There was some evidence that those with higher creativity are more likely to use drugs. And there was some evidence that drugs could significantly alter a person’s stylistic approach, without necessarily increasing creative production. ». In fact, it’s creativity that leads some people to take drugs but not really the lack of creativity. Drugs are supposed to make the quality of music better, it might change the experience of listening to music: « that the drug enhances music-evoked emotion, with volunteers more likely to report feelings of wonder, transcendence, power and tenderness. Brain imaging studies also suggest that taking LSD while listening to music, affects a part of the brain leading to an increase in musically inspired complex visual imagery. »

But actually, would some musical « genre » exist without drugs?

The answer is no, and some songs would not too. For instance, psychedelic rock (popular in the 60s, famous among the hippie movement) was inspired by hallucinogens or expanding drugs such as marijuana and LSD. It was characterized by the use of feedback, long solos (and longer songs), an intense volume and the use of electronics (the use of phasers -to give an electronic sound effect- and flangers - also an effect created by a superposition of 2 audio signals one of which is a little delayed so the volume of some frequencies are reduced whereas others are increased.) For instance, The Doors and The Jefferson Airplane are psychedelic rock bands.

https://www.addictions.com/explore/drugs-in-music-analyzing-drug-references-in-musical-genres/ Have a look at the statistics in this article, you might be surprised (or not)…

…And actually, the « genre » mentioning the most drugs is Country, no surprise. I mean, just look at those titles….:

« alcohol and pills » Fred Eaglesmith (1997)

« Whiskey, Weed and Women » Hank Williams III (2002)

« In the arms of cocaine » (1983) Hank Williams Jr.

« cocaine Carolina » Johnny cash (1975)

To conclude, there is no ‘real’ answer for this link between creativity and drugs because it depends on many things, starting with the person that takes it. Taking too much drugs is not an important tool for creativity and yet many artist have fallen for it. However, drugs participates a little in the creation process in the way that it alters the perception of music and was proven efficient for some musicians who were well-inspired, wrote many songs thanks to it and created new « subgenres » of music.

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justrednow · 4 years

Text

A little Winter Fever

warnings: Severe illness, financial insecurity, hospitals, death, minimal editing, swearing, extreme cold, my crappy OCs

word count: 2393

Characters: Smalls. (OC’s->) literally everyone else except Roger I guess

Description: The Bronx newsies are hit hard by winter. Not only can they barely make enough to eat, they find temperatures are rising but not outside. (Sorry for anyone who needs to scroll, I don’t know how to make read more) _____________________________________________________________

Smalls stared at her bag still filled with 20 papers. She looked up to the street, snow danced in the lights from the lamps. It felt like her cheeks were being cut from the blizzard winds. She dropped the 21st paper back into the bag and shoved her ungloved hands into her pockets. The wind grabbed her skin through the thin shirt she had on. It was too early in the day to call it quits on selling, but her feet were numb. Her boots were wrecked, they were new too. she could feel the water seeping into them. She moved into the stoop of a store, to get out of the wind.

She jumped as a man pushed on the door behind her. Smalls quickly moved out of the way as he walked past her. “Care to buy a paper, sir?” She asked desperately. To her delight, the man turned to look at her, almost studied her bright red cheeks. To her dismay, he huffed and scurried out into the winter winds. “Maybe next time,” she whispered to herself.

The day dragged on like that. Hiding and begging for people to buy from her. She didn’t break even on the day like she had hoped. Not even close. She pressed 3 coins in her pocket and trudged back home. She was shivering, her lips were blue and chapped.

Finally arriving at The Bronx lodge, she shook the snow from her hair, tossing the sack of papers to the side. The slightly warmer air welcomed her with the hushed chatter coming from the other room. Smalls glanced at the attendant, lowered her head and kept walking. She owed money for her stay, 14 cents that she didn’t have. She spent it on food for the younger ones. Probably the only reason they hadn’t kicked her onto the streets yet. She traveled into the rec room as it was called. Young newsies ran, oblivious to the winter cold.

Spaniel looked up from her reading, a newspaper that hadn’t been sold. “Someone’s home late.” Her low voice chirped, alerting BlueJay.

Smalls shrugged it off, “it was a rough day.” Spaniel returned her dark eyes to the page. “As you already know, I’m sure.”

“Sure,” the girl murmured. “Didn’t see you at circulation this morning, how much did you take?”

“Only 25,” Smalls plopped herself down next to BlueJay who was sewing away at a loose button. “You?” She nudged him, having expected him to make more of a fuss about her.

“15, I’m not foolish,” he didn’t even look up from his work. “Spaniel didn’t leave today.”

“I did too!” Smalls heard the sound of a paper crinkling as she focused on the frost on the window glass. “But,” the girl stood up as a little newsie tripped over her outstretched leg, “I knew I wouldn’t sell nothing.” the little one, Frog, started coughing. “Carajo! Cover, child!” She stepped away, pulling her shawl closer to her. Frog shrugged and continued playing with the others. “What kept you really? Damn Brooklyn kid’s not dumb enough to walk up here, is he?”

“Someone’s nosy,” Jay chuckled, “it's not like she’s the last one back.”

“She might well be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Smalls sat up a bit more than she had been. “Everyone else is still out there, they’re coming back.”

“No one told you what the paper was?” Spaniel frowned. Smalls hadn’t thought to ask, the week had been so quiet and slow. “Scarlet Fever, all over Manhattan. They go down there, they’re good as gone.”

“No one is dumb enough to go to Manhattan in this weather,” Smalls assured her friend. “If they are...”

Jay nervously pulled at his sleeves. He had made it to Queens, to see his grandmother. Crazy old lady. “Only Manhattan?” He asked. He prayed it wouldn’t reach here. They’d all be dead.

“Right now, yeah. Hospitals are packed, you can’t see a doctor.”

“Speaking of,” Smalls interrupted, “Doc isn’t back. He’s typically here before you.” She shifted uneasily. She never liked talking about illness, it reminded her of...

Spaniel shook her head, curly black hair bouncing unaffected by the winter. “He’s upstairs, resting.”

“Tom?” Smalls frowned.

“He was here, now he’s not.”

Smalls opened her mouth to list off another name but Jay cut her off. “They’re fine, don’t let hyperbole get you upset.” He had already convinced himself not to be worried about this. “Besides someone having a little fever isn’t going to prevent them from coming back to the lodge.” he rested a hand on her shoulder for comfort. “Hypothermia will.”

“Why.” Smalls turned slowly, “why would you say that?”

“He’s an ass,” Roger walked into the room, stomping snow off of his boots and throwing himself down into a chair. “He’s right though, heard they found a kid from Harlem stuck in the snow. Said his skin was ice.” Roger took a breath as he brushed the water drops from his hair. “Wasn’t dead though. Don’t know how long before he did kick it.”

“Again,” Spaniel sighed and closed the door of the room, “ain’t no one dumb enough to stand out in that cold for that long.”

There was a moment of silence around the group. They were dumb enough, if not dumb they were desperate enough. Each thought about how many times they had refused to go back no matter how damn cold they were. The inside of their mouth could have been covered in ice from yelling and nothing would have changed.

More importantly, Roger’s mind wandered to Knot. The kid was 14 and refused to follow him back to the lodge. Roger had given up and left him alone in the cold. That was the wrong call. It took a week to find him, froze to death in an alley next to an apartment building. Roger took the blame, every time it came up. Not that it came up often. But it was hard for him not to when he thought about everything he could have done differently. It was hard not to think about it when the little ones set out on their own and Roger imagined finding their little bodies curled up around a coat they stole.

“Roger,” Smalls repeated for the third time. This time he came too. “Jay’s going to run and get food, want anything?”

Roger wiped under his eyes. They burned but no tears had fallen. “Yeah, whatever they have. I’ll pay you back,” he promised.

“Don’t worry about it.” Jay was already heading out before Roger could protest the idea. Roger glanced at the clock, he became aware of its ticking. “it’s already 6?”

Spaniel looked up at the clock and shrugged. “Guess so.” She began to pick up clutter around the room, shooing the little newsies off to wash up. She tossed the paper into the fireplace, taking a moment to watch it smoke and crumple. After the few books in the whole building had been put back into their basket Spaniel found her way back to her chair.

“I’m gonna go find Tom,” Roger excused himself as the conversation was over.

Smalls chuffed in amusement, “looking for a fight?”

“You know it,” he sighed before ducking out of the room. Smalls watched him go before she began to pull off her boots. Her socks were still wet. She made a noise. She pulled them off and laid them over the fire. Her bare feet were still cold but the carpet felt good, almost soft.

“What are we going to do with him,” Spaniel sighed with a smile as she traced her nail across the frosted window.

“Tom?” Smalls raised an eyebrow as she glanced out into the entrance of the building, “or Roger?”

“Both will get themselves killed,” Spaniel chuckled.

_____________________________

Within the next 2 weeks, seven were sick. Five were little ones: Frog, Jani, Louis, Hop, and Slingshot. The other two were Spaniel and Roger. They were all kept in the sick room. The healthy children started calling it the death room, Smalls almost hit them. Yet they weren’t wrong. They had nothing to reduce fevers, all used up. The only medicine for the illness was in hospitals. No adult was rushing to pay that bill. No newsie had the money.

Instead, they went about their lives. It was never of their minds, though. Who was next to become ill, who would die first? What could be done?

Smalls got back earlier and earlier, she couldn’t stand to be away. She sat in a little wooden chair by the door, listening to the coughing and children crying. She wanted it to be her, just to save one of them.

Jay returned for her when he could. But his own problems arose in Queens. He brought her a chunk of bread from his Grandmothers. “What did she say?” Smalls disregarded the offering.

“She doesn’t like Orphans, Smalls,” Jay let out a long sigh. “Especially street kids.”

Smalls stood up, she was ready to snap. “You’re a street orphan! But we all know that if it was you in that room you’d have a doctor living in the same room as you!” she shouted. “It isn’t fair! She can help them, you know she can!”

“I know...” Jay didn’t need a reminder of anything. “What do you expect me to do that I haven’t already done.” His grandmother was as stubborn as she was rich. “We’d have better luck begging at the doors of a hospital.” Smalls turned to him. “Which we are not going to do because it’s probably a crime in some way.”

“What other option do we have, watch them die?” Smalls spoke again. He turned away. “They are dying, Jay! You can’t ignore that, it’s not going to go away.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to be saying to you right now,” Jay shook his head and pushed the door with his foot, looking into the dark room. Spaniel caught his eye right away. Her usually rosy brown skin was now all rose. She was sweating and shivering. but she managed a smile and a wave to them before throwing herself into a fit of coughing. “Alright, let’s go.”

Smalls pulled the door shut and they headed out. She felt the tear in her boot become soaked with water, but it didn’t matter. She followed close behind Jay as the wind whistled in her ears. Around halfway there she began to think about what would happen if this didn’t work. What were they asking of these doctors? These doctors with other patients who are paying and more important that grungy street orphans. Smalls hugged herself tight as she thought about the five in the room, she coughed instead of crying. Jay spun around.

“I’m fine, we’re almost there, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and slowed down so that they would be walking side by side.

Before long they were there, walking in and moving around the rush. Smalls stared, she didn’t realize how many people there could be. She averted her eyes when she saw a mother holding a newborn with an awful rash. She then turned to an older man and his wife, both nervous looking. Jay pulled her by the arm to the front administration desk.

“We need to talk to a doctor!” Jay demanded.

The lady at the front desk nodded, “yes, I could have assumed that. Are you visiting a patient or admitting?”

Smalls looked to Jay desperately. The answer was neither. They didn’t have a plan, they didn’t bother to make one. “Visiting our younger sister, we are very worried about her.” The lady looked between the two of them, they didn’t look alike. “Last name?”

Jay paled a bit but continued to speak. “Smith.”

She pulled out a book and shuffled some papers. “First name?”

“Mine?” Jay stammered, “or hers?”

“The name of the patient, and if needed the disease they have.” Smalls flinched as she listened, around her people were chattering and coughing and sneezing. It was loud and she was scared.

“Elizabeth, scarlet fever,” Jay answered. 1 out of 100 lies is true. Smalls nodded along. “May we see her doctor please?”

“‘Fraid that’s the only person you can talk to...” The lady tapped on the desk. “She died this morning.” Smalls chocked and Jay bit down on his lip. he imagined the newsies, dead. “Wait down the hall, the doctor will be with you.”

Smalls, in her turn, grabbed Jay by his coat sleeve and lead him down the hall. “Dead.” She echoed.

__________________________

“Alright, I‘m confused...” Dr. Ellsen stared at the two. “You lied to come and talk to a doctor about curing a disease?”

“We just need the medicine, we can take it from there,” Smalls explained. The doctor rubbed his face laughing in dark ironic humor. Smalls looked at Jay who had leaned forward to see what the laughter was about.

The doctor stood up and looked at the pair. “You don’t get it, do you?” He sighed, “there is no cure for Scarlet Fever. If there was do you think half of our wards would be full of crying toddlers right now?” The two said nothing. “You’re brave to come here, but there is nothing to be done.” Jay opened his mouth to say something. “Free advice, you best take it. Keep that door shut and locked. They’ll be dead soon enough. Especially considering how weak you two look, can’t imagine it’ll take long.”

“Your pessimism is much appreciated,” Jay retaliated.

“Try being an optimist after telling a new mother her baby died,” he ushered them to the door. “I’m sorry. No need to waste the money you have here.”

____________________________

By the time they got back to the lodge, they found out that two more had been brought into the sick room. Spaniel somehow looked worse. Smalls entered the room, despite her better judgment.

She sat down on the edge of the bed that Hop was laying in. The child had curled around the thin knit blanket he had been given. Smalls brushed a hand over his sweating forehead. She realized how still he was and gave his cold body a nudge.

Panic swelled inside her as she jumped to her feet, shaking him harder. She looked for any sign of life. “Hop!” she shouted at him, alerting the others in the room. “Hop?” Her voice grew more and more desperate for the six-year-old to wake up. But he stayed in his endless sleep. Within the week half of those in the room would join him.

There is no cure.

#Newsies #angst #Smalls #Scarlet Fever #newsies angst #fanfic

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Grace & Janis

Grace: OMG you and the new boy! 💘🙌 Grace: love that for you babes Janis: lol thanks Grace: 😂😂 k yeah you're busy Grace: I will need that goss tho Janis: dumb and dumber will make up their own to fill in the blanks, I know Grace: LOL Grace: obvs but like Janis: you want the actual truth to spread, yeah Janis: you're alright, soz you won't get that cred Grace: UM rude I want the truth to know Grace: You're MY sister, hello Janis: 👌👌 Janis: hey Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: ugh just say he's boring whatever Grace: I know the feeling Janis: leave the games to your mates, and the jumping to the wrong conclusions, yeah, we ain't playing that shit Janis: why would I bother if he was, like every other cunt here Grace: Duh I'm only here cos of Leon Grace: so unbothered too Janis: 'course you are Grace: I unbae-d him hun, obvs am Janis: yeah, so you're here just for the fun Janis: cool Grace: I'm here to show him what he's missing so yeah Janis: 'cos you 'unbae-d' him Janis: defs the actions of someone very unbothered and not a girl who got dumped and is seeing how fast he gets a new bitch, and who Janis: count me as not it, yeah 👍 Grace: not even! I know he's seeing Kaya and like I said, idc Janis: well then, not showing him nothing then, he don't miss you Grace: OMG this is so yesterday Grace: here for your 😍 not my 🙄 Janis: are we? Janis: I'm here to pass PE Grace: not what the new boy's here for tho Janis: yeah, not in my class Grace: I know Grace: he takes art Janis: lol why do you know that Janis: you don't Grace: why DON'T you know that? Grace: 🔎👀 Janis: not out here doing a survey Grace: I hope not Grace: keep it sexy honey Janis: sexy Janis: you sound like a nan Janis: a weird one, at that Grace: 🤞 you don't look like one Grace: what ARE you even wearing rn OMG Janis: yeah, 'cos I'm the one that thinks a cardigan is stylish Janis: my pjs? Grace: 😱😱😱😱 Grace: YOU'RE JOKING Janis: it's not particularly funny but Janis: knee slap away Grace: I literally can't help you Grace: 🙏 bitch Janis: everyone's ready for bed, what are you chatting Janis: I wasn't getting dressed again Grace: not everyone's ready to bed a hot boy tho Grace: I can't even with you Janis: if we were gonna fuck he'd see even less so Janis: don't think he's any more bothered than I am Grace: That's SO not the point Janis: are you gonna tell me Janis: cba to guess, like Grace: we do not have time for a masterclass! Grace: 🙏 you're right babes Janis: considering I'm here, I clearly am Grace: unless he's literally inside you rn in which case EW don't chat to me Grace: you don't know that for sure Janis: why would you even say that Janis: you're twisted Grace: Oh please Grace: I'm a nan, UM okay Janis: yeah, and I'm not interested in the incest you're peddling, thanks Grace: why would YOU even say that Grace: so gross Janis: you brought it up Janis: you think you'd be better at gaslighting by now Janis: tell your boyfriends to up their game Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: tell your boyfriend you don't always do 0 effort, he might be new enough to fall for it Janis: you get one that stays longer than the 3 minutes it takes him to pump and dump, I'll listen to your 'advice' Grace: you get one EVER & maybe I'll take it Janis: yeah, egg on my face for not letting every lad that wants to inside Janis: lmao 🥴🥴🥴 queen of romance as if you've ever had that either Grace: I've turned down so many lads THANK YOU Janis: 😂😂😂 Grace: 👌👌👌 👋 Janis: k yeah you're busy Janis: turning away all those elligible bacherlors will take all of two minutes of you staring at yourself delusional in the mirror, like Janis: nighttime routine! Grace: You're such a bitch Janis: Yeah, you too Grace: Literally where?? Janis: we do not have time to go through all those receipts! Janis: honey Grace: You don't Janis: 💔 Grace: sure Janis: Go talk to Holly and Jessica, they'll make you feel better Grace: I'm doing my night time routine, babes Grace: duh Janis: besties who cry together, no Janis: that's your whole schtick, they'll be inconsolable by now Grace: I'm not crying off a £35 mask Grace: you'll all have to get over it Janis: how effective it is on you, you may as well use it on them instead Janis: revenge acne, very cute Grace: I'm so sorry that my skin needs like a £100 one, okay? OMG Janis: yeah well, I appreciate you realise how tough it is on me Janis: tah babes Grace: leave me alone Janis: I have Janis: 💔 remember Grace: fine, go away Janis: find a spare room and make that feasible Grace: don't even bring him here Grace: I s2g Janis: it's alright, he don't fancy you Janis: the mask won't shatter the illusion, like Grace: Exactly, so just don't, okay? Janis: I'm not going to, Christ Grace: 👌 Janis: Really, Grace, what the fuck Grace: ???!! Janis: like I'm gonna fuck anyone when you're in the room Grace: like that's what I said or meant Janis: yeah, so as per, you can have your friends in whenever Janis: gotcha Grace: that's different Grace: my friends aren't boys Janis: wouldn't make a difference to you Grace: OMG I'm literally saying it does Janis: and it's bullshit Grace: sure Janis: you know it is Grace: no I don't Janis: you want an example of how much of a bitch you are, case in point Janis: my friends were never good enough, male or female Janis: yet we all have to put up with yours every weekend Grace: You don't have friends for me to judge Grace: if I was even bothered which I'm obvs not Janis: Convincing as it was first time 'round Grace: UGH Grace: I'm happy for you but I don't need to extend that to a welcome party in our room like Janis: Whatever Janis: later then Grace: Bye Grace: Are you back in for good? Janis: Probably Grace: I'll get the light then Janis: 👍 Janis: I would've found my way alright, like Grace: sure but I'm not breaking my neck thanks Janis: from the bottom bunk? Janis: impressive Grace: the amount I overpacked is Grace: cannot move Janis: note the 'over' there is negative, not positive Grace: oh great 💘😘 hasn't put you in a better mood Janis: you're the one here copping an attitude 'cos I won't enable your problem, but go off Grace: if you wanna invent problems for me to have, you go off hun Janis: the 'you've got enough' comes too easy Janis: make me work for it Grace: & you're never too busy, yeah? Grace: poor boy 💔 Janis: you see him here Janis: specifically not, on your orders 'cos you out here looking like shrek Grace: he just left you, give him at least one sec of thought like Grace: so rude Janis: capable of having more than one at a time, sweetheart Janis: god bless Grace: LOL Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: no use, won't be able to spot your brain like that Grace: Thanks for the advice Grace: I was gonna say it for actually doing what I asked but you're right back to being a bitch again so 🤷 Janis: 'cos the definition is famously 'do everything I say or you're a cunt' Janis: you'll never be Mia, babes Janis: not got that kinda clout over them, let alone me Grace: OMG stop Janis: 'cos you know it's true Janis: no bigger bitch than your bestie Grace: You can take the title if you want it babes Janis: your bestie? Janis: no tah Grace: the biggest bitch Janis: same difference Janis: keep up Grace: You don't even know her Janis: we ALL know her 🙄 Grace: She can be a lot, UM HELLO, so can I Janis: 😱 NO Janis: fucking hell Janis: what a revelation, call the press Grace: The rumor mill is focused elsewhere rn Grace: 💔 obvs Janis: I know Janis: get a nude 'leaked' like your fat friend Janis: worked for all of ten seconds Grace: if you want me to kms sure Janis: 🤷 Grace: won't call the press on that revelation hun Janis: I wouldn't Janis: bit embarrassing Janis: not all publicity is good publicity Grace: you'd know I guess Janis: 😂 you're actually jealous Janis: that's funny Grace: of what? Grace: you losing your virginity finally Janis: there's nothing sadder than sounding like a rode hard put away wet slag full of regret at 15, for starters Janis: we get it, you've never had an orgasm or a 'man' that weren't a piece of shit, get a vibrator and put down the cigs, Shirley Janis: and secondly, not got time for the list when you know perfectly well what Grace: & there's nothing more tragically desperate than getting with that boy cos he doesn't know anything about you Grace: he'll find out Janis: and everyone knows everything about you Janis: rather, they could, if they were interested to ever look Janis: it's gotta be hard being 10th most interesting, even Junior had some closeted appeal Janis: 💔 Grace: okay Jan, you're so mysterious Grace: good luck working that angle for another 15 years babes Janis: good luck being a bleeding heart for that long Janis: interest in the sob story ran dry long before your eyes have ever Janis: how infuriating, I don't want it, actively try to get rid of it, and I still get more than you Janis: gutted for you, truly Grace: sure Janis: I know, sympathy ain't what you want Janis: but it's all that's on offer for you so chow down, babe Grace: 😂😂 you think you know me like that Janis: everyone does, remember Janis: you think you get it both ways Janis: take that whilst you can 'cos it's coming up for 5 years and truly, the dead sister bit is dead Janis: Kiera O' Malley's dad died so it's #overparty sweetie Grace: You're twisted Janis: no shit Janis: get them to get you a therapist, all the 👂👀 you can buy Grace: Why would I go when I can send you in with all the issues you've invented for me Grace: hmu with the highlights hun Janis: Christ, don't pretend you don't know Janis: you want that angle Janis: to be this pathetic AND unaware of it Janis: self-awareness is your only shot at some dignity at this point Grace: I know all my angles thanks Janis: it's super funny when you pretend to be a full-time bimbo Janis: not tired at all Grace: IKR 🙌 Janis: kinda sad Janis: do you ACTUALLY think they'd rather be friend with the OTT 'happy' bitch, genuinely? Like you HAVE to know all your 'friends' are waiting for is the inevitable meltdown when you fall apart so they can see what earrings they can scavenge from your carcass Janis: livetweeting how #problematic you are and finally saying how little they fucked with you, anyways, but all the best in life, nothing but love, girl 😘 Grace: Oh honey, I'm 100% not that bitch EVER Grace: can't you spy the dynamic from your moral high ground? awks Janis: oh honey, just 'cos they're keeping the runt around to fatten up, does not mean you're not next on the spit Janis: sadder than I thought Janis: you'll actually be sad when it happens, fuck me Grace: flattered to be called out as that thin tbh Janis: ha, eating disorder gang got jokes Janis: burns calories Janis: not AS much as crying though so crack on Grace: Mhm so does hooking up, so you'll have a way into the squad now hooray Janis: not the way y'all do it, pillow princess Grace: you've never seen the way I do it Grace: my tapes are yet to be leaked Janis: as if they're filming Janis: darling if you were any good, you'd get callbacks, not pied off before a camping trip Janis: but god bless with that #metoo spirit Grace: everyone's ALWAYS filming, check your socials Grace: & I dumped him so 👏 for bringing that fake news back Janis: nah, you didn't Janis: you should get dumpee tatted right under your doormat forehead tat Janis: let 'em know just how much they can get away with Janis: so hot Grace: were you there lurking or are you finally over that now? Janis: lol i'm the one with the obsessive personality Janis: now you're just being silly Janis: check your socials Janis: you've not copped that totally 'anon' post with all the tea only a REAL bestie SHOULD know? 🤔 Grace: I came here so obvs I am ridiculous yeah Janis: no shit Janis: you should be home, smacking her in the face Janis: but you've chased after a lad who was 3 fingers deep in another silly bitch at brekkie Janis: that's fun for you, yeah? Grace: 🥊 is more of a look you like to wear Grace: but sure Janis: sort it out Janis: it's not bad enough you let anyone with a dick in this town make a mug of you, you have to let her as well Grace: I didn't come here for Leon Grace: he wishes Janis: This is why I can't do this with you Janis: he doesn't and you did Janis: crying otherwise helps your case none Janis: actually do something about it if you don't like the narrative Grace: That is literally what I'm doing Grace: if I stayed home it would look like I was crying over him Janis: well right now you just look like you're stalking him Janis: maybe if you tried with the activities, like Grace: ugh that's easy for you to say Grace: it'd look really good when I tried & still can't do it Grace: Get a clue OMG Janis: I ain't saying become Bear Grylls Janis: just have a laugh, with the other girls on this trip that ain't too scared to look anything less than their knock-off idea of 'perfect' Grace: as if Grace: the other girls on this trip don't wanna be my besties Grace: 🔪 are out Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah and that helps the lads fuck all of you over Janis: just build a fucking raft together, don't need to braid each other's pubes and make friendship bracelets on the last day Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: no bitch fucks with me, I ain't getting pushed into the lake Grace: I'm not you Grace: 💔 obvs Janis: yeah, use some of that scathing attitude on the people who need to hear it Janis: why can you be a total bitch to me but you'll 😢 and hold back on every other cunt who actually wants to see you fail Grace: you're my sister Janis: don't remind us, yeah Grace: never Grace: it's bad enough we're sharing a room rn what am I 9? Janis: not my fault your bestie can't fart without breaking a bone Janis: if I could share with anyone else, obvs 💔 Grace: it's not my fault either Grace: anything she does Janis: wasn't about to say you were the instigator of the starvation army Grace: Duh Grace: not looking like this I'm not Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: her dedication to ending up in the ground with all her #thinspiration goals is not aspirational Grace: & neither is this Janis: soz, you wanna truffle shuffle louder, I didn't catch the scope of your GINORMOUS wobbling jelly rolls from here Janis: shut up Grace: you've literally said worse to me Janis: and? Grace: don't tell me to shut up Grace: so rude Janis: you know I ain't here to listen to you chat utter shite Grace: I just said, it isn't & so have you before Janis: That's your problem Janis: getting your esteem from people who hate you Janis: yourself included, naturally Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: if that were true Leon wouldn't be my ex Grace: go tell him to shut up if you're so concerned Janis: if it weren't true, you wouldn't have fucked with him in the first place Janis: or include him on the list, he's a prime twat Grace: We get new boys literally never & you 💍 him when we did Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: you go for the wrong ones to begin with Janis: correction, they go for you and you don't tell 'em to fuck off Grace: Oh okay yeah I'll date the 🤓 Janis: Probably better than getting piped n pied by the fuckboys Janis: seriously, how many have you lot got in common, it's grim Grace: not if I don't understand half the words they say Grace: I've got you to make me feel stupid Grace: & the others, 10th most interesting, right? 🏆 Janis: you want to be stupid Janis: or at least be seen as, pretend you are like that makes all this shit okay somehow Janis: who am I to deny you that, bimbo? Grace: 😂😂 you don't know what I want Janis: neither do you, chuckles Janis: it's a shit show Grace: Exactly Grace: but I know what I don't want & it's 🤓 thanks Janis: like there's two choices Janis: you don't live in an american teen drama, much as you make-believe it Grace: like I'm spoilt for any Janis: stop being so judgemental Janis: not gonna do you any favours Janis: if I need to tell you that, when I go out of my way to do it, you've got a problem Grace: neither is running some kind of virgin training school Grace: but sure Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 alright Grace Janis: continue to cry about how shit your friends are, how shit the boys who fuck you are, whilst only letting the worst people into your life Grace: OMG I'm just saying everyone already thinks I'm gonna take my clothes off every time I upload Grace: I don't need predatory status against 🤓 Janis: because I'm saying fuck every nerd in school without prejudice Janis: I'm saying there's plenty of alright lads who would like you that you won't give the time of day right now Grace: bitch where?? Grace: an alright lad likes YOU not me Janis: so all boys are shit Janis: like all friends bitch behind each other's backs Janis: YOU'RE settling because you don't reckon you could do any better, that no one decent would fuck with you, admit that 'cos blaming the world ain't gonna change the world you're surrounding yourself with Grace: SO DRAMATIC Grace: I know I can't, I've been sat down here saying it literally the length of this convo Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I've said it, you have, Leon has, the boy before him has Janis: Nah, you won't try Janis: you're scared everyone's right Janis: get some fucking ambition and get out of this town or you're gonna end up like the rest of them Janis: knocked up by some prick from 'round here and that's all you've got Grace: cos this town is the problem Grace: as if Janis: death tolls high for a reason, baby Janis: Carly, Eds, they were trying to escape too fucking late and they only way they could Janis: at least they got out, everyone sensible has Janis: Ma, Rio, they're fucking stuck for life Grace: they were trying to escape people, things, whatever Grace: she was no happier anywhere else we lived Janis: we were babies, you don't remember that Janis: that's the bullshit they've fed you 'cos it's all that keeps them from doing themselves in with the guilt Grace: okay Janis: anyway, semantics, if you want it that way, girl Janis: it's this family we all want out of Grace: but we can't Janis: yeah, we can Janis: where's Billie, where's Junior, Nancy Janis: like I said, anyone with sense jumped ship there and then Grace: that's away not out, nobody gets to be out Janis: they're not coming back Janis: they're as out as she is Grace: no they're not Janis: get a clue and check out 'til we can actually go too Grace: check their socials then check hers Grace: she's the only one who died Janis: worse than dead Janis: least you can all pretend she didn't wanna go, yeah Janis: she was coming back Janis: they're actively choosing to stay the fuck away, every day, and they're right Grace: She was, Janis Grace: cope with that Janis: she's dead anyway, cope with that Janis: all the family love in the world ain't saved none of us, her included Grace: It's not me hiding behind her Janis: it's not hiding when you don't want to be found Janis: and you can babble on about what an open book you are but you're the biggest fake of them all Janis: at least da flaked all those times he couldn't hack it, at least ma's a cheat who's fucked over everyone she 'loves', at least Rio is a whore who's fucking her own family to boot Janis: they talk a big game on the happy family, but their actions say otherwise Janis: you're just, here Janis: hoping we all get it back, like it was ever good Grace: #fakeittilyoumakeit babes Grace: I'm 15 where do you want me to go? In Billie's footsteps cos LOL that modelling career is a no Janis: you miss the part where I said check out 'til it's over Janis: let it go, Grace, let everyone go, because they're gone Grace: I'm still waiting for you to tell me how Janis: It ain't hard Janis: they might not be as forthcoming giving you reasons to hate them as I am Janis: but it's not taxing to find 'em Janis: bubbling under the surface, barely Grace: I hate you but we're still having this chat Janis: it's all perfunctory Grace: like I know what that means Janis: Truer words Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 okay Janis: Night Grace: 👋 Janis: [Assault death drop] Janis: 💀 yet? Grace: about to kms Janis: 🙌 Janis: you really took our little talk to heart Grace: literally nothing to do with you but 👌 Janis: sure it is Janis: you think you're getting solo interest rn? Janis: I'll tell 'em it's gone from a sickbed to a deathbed, see if they go for it Grace: UM I don't want it thanks Grace: I can die of shame away from the 👀🍿 Janis: Bollocks 😂 Janis: it's the most fun you've had all trip Grace: You said do activities! This is so your fault Janis: See, you took multiple chats to heart, awh Janis: you're not even hurt, just your ego Grace: OMG I am not in the mood Grace: go away Janis: damn, lanky and large not fluff your pillow just right Janis: can't get the staff, babe Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: you know what's wrong you were LITERALLY there Janis: yeah, you eat shit, the boy laughed Janis: an amusing scene but not one you need to hide in the sickbay for Grace: STOP Janis: you're so self-involved, take a look around, baby, plenty people making mugs of themselves, it's half the point Janis: Kerri-Ann gave herself the biggest wedgie on the aerial course Janis: probably picking that out still today Grace: okay that was funny Grace: but just Janis: I get it, it's not funny when it's you, yeah Janis: better to laugh it off though than be a primadonna or that'll be your camp moniker by the end of this and your ladies in waiting will have to kms too Grace: I can't now Janis: well, I'll tell you when it's safe to come out Janis: when the fat lad takes a tumble or whatever else is the laugh of the minute Grace: I picked him to be my partner so this wouldn't happen! 😠😠😠 Grace: boys are so unreliable like Janis: they're not famed for their use of words, give you that Janis: it was an accident, like Janis: no wink wink nudge nudge let's let the bitch fall was happening Janis: the teachers aren't that useless, quite Grace: thank god Grace: I'd have to kill him before myself & my wrist hurts so like no Janis: you started slicing already Janis: hit up the samaritans this ain't my scene Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: come on, that was funny too Grace: no Janis: spoilsport Grace: You still won, get over it Janis: Obviously Janis: who else would Grace: not Leon that's for sure Grace: that girl makes me look athletic Janis: 😂 Grace: she's not even the one he's telling people he dumped me for Grace: but I'm a slag, okay Janis: ladies, ladies Janis: you're BOTH slags Grace: LOL Grace: I'm gonna get dad to pick me up Grace: give it my best 💜 por favor, venha me resgatar, pai 💜 Janis: don't be dumb Janis: you'll look like more of a baby than you already do Grace: &? Janis: you're supposed dying of shame in there Janis: it's counterproductive Janis: get up and get over it, minimal damage Grace: like you care Janis: Obviously not Janis: but you apparently do, so much Janis: so think on Grace: to what? I shouldn't even be here anyway Janis: you want the lasting impression to be the girl that showed up, threw a paddy and then ran away Grace: focus on the fact you'll have your own room babes Janis: exactly Janis: why you tryna do me any favours Grace: not about you hun Grace: embrace the concept Grace: & new boy's 😍😍💘😘 Janis: yet I win again Janis: alright Grace: it's not me v you Grace: it was me v Leon & there was a glimmer of hope in one quite fit lad but 💔 obvs Grace: not gonna get with him if he can't handle a blindfold, am I Janis: that was your master plan Janis: jesus Grace: Duh Janis: Ooh Leon, lemme prove what a slag I ain't and a total catch and fling myself at a random boy Janis: showed him Janis: lucky it didn't work if that was your idea of a point to you Grace: No, let me show you how much I don't care that you think I'm a slag & neither does anyone else Grace: that boy included Janis: he definitely cares Janis: banking on it Janis: honestly, get a clue Grace: whatever it's not about to happen Janis: good Janis: 'cos that's the stupidest thing you've said all holiday and that's saying something Grace: such a bitch Janis: such a stupid slag Janis: we've all got our cross to bear Grace: Yeah Janis: 🙄 fucking hell Janis: anyway, they've stopped talking about you and da has a job so don't be a dick Grace: like that'd stop him or you're concerned about anything he does Janis: like you are Janis: least I don't pretend to care so he'll drive me places Grace: 🙄 let it go, he's not answering Janis: probably on the phone to his actual favourite Janis: 💔 bummer Grace: Mhmm Janis: wouldn't say you're 10th on that one but definitely not 🥇 Grace: you're 10th, I'm 9th Janis: Nah, idiot Janis: the white kid was 10th, it's pretty obvious Janis: Junior's 9th 'cos he literally hated him so much from birth he had to bounce Janis: Billie is 2nd 'cos came back for her, Pablo's 3rd, Iggy's 4th, rest you lot can duke it out for 5,6,7 and I'll take 8th Grace: not now she's dead, she isn't 🙏✞💕 Grace: & Junior has to be higher up now so he can repent honey Janis: kid yourself he weren't relieved Janis: ain't no one but black grandma believe in that shit Janis: and that's just as a handy-dandy rule book for him #sparetherodspoilthechild #obviously Grace: he's kidding himself, doesn't matter what I think Janis: nah Janis: he's happy being cucked, clearly Janis: plus competition got lower once Carly pegged it Grace: 🤷 Janis: n'awh Grace: worry about yourself and getting Ollie out of the way now I'm stuck here Janis: why would I Grace: cos you're 😍💍💘 Janis: so? Janis: you can do one, idc where you are Grace: UM NO Grace: you can Janis: nah Janis: you've got no use for a bed rn Janis: piss off to your friend's room Grace: being a bitch isn't gonna help you here babes Janis: then stay Janis: see how much that helps you Grace: so twisted Janis: you're the one refusing to leave, apparently Janis: been warned Janis: 🤷 Grace: EW Janis: don't worry, maybe your fwightened lil virgin theory will finally pay off for you and you can feel better about your own sexual history at my expense Janis: 🤞 for you babes Grace: OMG stop being gross Grace: I don't wanna see what's all over my feed thank you Grace: I definitely don't need IRL access Janis: 😂 Janis: OK nan 👌👌 Janis: you've always been the definition of can dish it out but not take it Janis: poor boy(s) 💔 Grace: I've never fucked a boy in front of you Janis: there's a lot you ain't done but I've heard plenty about Janis: difference between us is I ain't all talk Janis: you'll have to fuck off then, won't you Grace: cos everything you've heard is the truth Grace: oh please Janis: I mean from YOUR mouth Janis: it's empowerment and ownership when you do it, and Rio can get it all out for everyone at the right price Janis: but nah, not me Janis: you wish I was half the virgin you reckon, then you'd have ONE thing over me, yeah? get a grip Grace: I repeat, I'm not doing it in front of your face, bitch Janis: I repeat, you try to tell EVERYONE how good you are in the sack 'cos you know there are 3 hotter sisters to choose from Grace: No I don't! Janis: it's pathetic, stop it Grace: You're being extra & if you need ME to tell you, stop it Janis: What's your edge then? Janis: go on Grace: why is everything a competition with you OMG Janis: because it is, always has been Janis: come on, this is your thing, what's your target demo, babe, who are YOU catering to? Janis: you wanna be a 2nd rate Ri forever, yeah, cool Grace: SHUT UP Janis: Exactly Grace: You want me to hate you, I do Grace: Let it go Janis: not how hate works Janis: you really got to thinking Edie might care 'cos she let up, gave it some time and space Janis: no chance Janis: you ain't gonna forget Grace: I'm not doing this with you rn Janis: nah, you ain't Janis: put your face on Grace: it's always on hun Janis: You look a state Janis: and he's coming over Janis: get over it Grace: He's not coming to see me Janis: Who is Janis: Never stopped you before Grace: freak out about him all you want Grace: directing it at me tho Grace: really Janis: why would I Janis: I know who I am, who I'm catering to Janis: I'm the effortless one Grace: sure Jan Janis: maybe you'll think of a better selling point one day Grace: maybe you'll stop being so closed off one day Janis: don't count on it, babe Janis: especially not tonight, yeah Grace: 🤞 he isn't Grace: easy to fake being a person for a few days, yeah? Janis: said as if you'd know Janis: doormat's easier to maintain, right Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: Yep Janis: thought so Grace: You think about me too much babes Grace: it's getting lowkey weird Janis: these convos might set your world alight but remember that big word I taught you Janis: yeah, that Grace: 👌 Janis: 👋 Grace: 🙌 Janis: forgetting you got no place to be? Grace: you've got somewhere, go Janis: I've told you, I'm not leaving Janis: very injured, like Grace: 💔 Grace: tragic tbh Janis: his thoughts exactly Grace: awks if they are Janis: only for you Grace: you too that he's figured you out that quick sweetie Janis: and you're sat there wasting your whole life? Janis: we knew you weren't the brightest but bless Grace: you're really seizing the day babes, how could I compete Janis: you couldn't Janis: maybe you'll win the genetic lottery in your next life Janis: be the best dungbeetle ever Grace: how #motivational Grace: love that Janis: it's too late to be optimistic about this life Janis: but I got faith in you there Grace: ILYSM obvs Janis: ew don't even pretend Janis: put me off, obvs Grace: obvs not Janis: 😂 you're precious Janis: if I knew all it'd take to get you to shut up was telling you about my exploits, I'd have started ages ago Grace: If you had any ages ago, sure Janis: oh babe Janis: really still going with that bit Janis: can't let it go, can you Grace: can't tell the truth, can you Janis: what would you know about that Janis: #fakeittilyoumakeit right babes? Grace: I mean, obvs don't tell him unless he's into that #duh Grace: some boys get lowkey weirder than you're being about it so Janis: again, what would you know Janis: no one's buying that for you Janis: can't have it both ways 💔 Janis: or either, if you're you 💔💔 Grace: I was once thank you Grace: that's how it works Janis: NO! 😱😱 Janis: you mean you didn't come out the womb so sexually empowered, colour me #shook Janis: it's so natural, you wear it so well Grace: IKR Janis: Oh God 😂 Grace: Ew don't give me a preview of your sex chat Janis: yeah, you would imitate bad porn Janis: you know boys mute that shit, yeah? Janis: as per, too fucking loud, Gracie Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: no one fucks with that fake shit Grace: thanks so much for your expert advice Janis: welcome, welcome Grace: obvs not Janis: all very obvs with you, obvs Grace: LOL Grace: fun chat babes Janis: as always Grace: g2g relearn all my bedroom techniques so like Janis: bit gross to do that with your pals Janis: can't say I'm surprised Janis: another porn-like trope Grace: literally so gross Janis: I said it first, darling Grace: 👏👏 Janis: have fun, ladies Grace: duh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: soz, they ain't my type, like Janis: shouldn't come as a surprise Grace: It doesn't Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌

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neon-vocalist · 2 years

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day 24: christmas eve: damiaaron

TW for talk of hospitals and illnesses. Again- it's not bad! I swear I'm not being evil this time!

Originally written November 18, 2021

At first, Aaron doesn't understand why Damian insists on dragging him out of the house on Christmas eve of all days. And in a Santa suit? It would be one thing if they were going to Cady and Janis' house for a party like they did last year, but they don't have any plans. Cady and Janis are off on a skiing trip and the Plastics are visiting Gretchen's family in Chicago. All he'd like to do is lay around at home, eat cinnamon rolls, watch movies, cuddle, and mentally prepare for seeing his family tomorrow. But Damian shatters that dream as soon as he bursts into their bedroom.

"Aaron! Aaron! Aaron! Come on, get up, I need an elf!"

"An elf?" Aaron rolls over to face his boyfriend. "Damie. What are you doing?"

"Well, I need both an elf and someone to zip me up. C'mon." He turns around and wiggles his half-zipped butt at Aaron. "We gotta go in like ten minutes!"

"Go? Where? Why? Damie! I wanted to stay in with you," Aaron whines, not getting out of bed. Damian heaves a dramatic sigh.

"So it's come to this."

Without warning, he yanks the blankets off Aaron and drags him out by the ankles. He's just tall enough to hold him so he doesn't fall to the floor. Aaron stares at him cross-eyed from his upside-down position.

"It's too early for this," he complains with a sigh. "Put me down?"

"For your information, it's almost 10. And I don't wanna hear it. I made you a waffle, go grab it and get into presentable clothes, and sit in the front seat of the car." Finished with his commands, Damian sets Aaron upright and starts to walk out of the room. "Oh. Zipper."

Still slightly confused, Aaron leans over and zips up Damian's Santa suit. "What should I wear?"

Damian gives another impressive sigh. "Whatever's Christmassy. Green if you have it. As I said, elf."

It's clear Aaron doesn't have a choice, so he fluffs his hair around for a few seconds in the mirror before going to sift through his closet for something green or elfish. He doesn't have much on either of those fronts- green was one of the rare things that he and Regina agreed he didn't look good in, and what do elves even look like? He eventually goes with black pants and a red plaid shirt. It looks Christmassy enough.

It passes the test when he goes to get his waffle. Damian grunts in approval and tosses him his nice shoes. "Really? Where are we going, anyway?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." Shoes on, Damian gets up and kisses Aaron on the cheek. "Thanks for getting up so quickly and dressed."

"You didn't really give me the option not to," Aaron points out, which earns him a glare from his boyfriend. "Sorry. But let's be real, babe, you didn't."

Damian laughs and rolls his eyes. "C'mon. Stop making out with the waffle and let's go, we're gonna get there perfectly on time as long as we leave now."

When Aaron gets into the car, he's met with toys. A lot of toys. Damian's gone out and picked up dolls, trucks, Hot Wheels, stuffed animals, squishies, Barbies, animal figures, puzzles, blankets, mystery bags, Nerf guns, and Legos. Suddenly the massive Walmart charge from a couple days ago makes sense. "Damie," he says, starting to put the pieces together, "are we going to some sort of toy drive? Orphanage, foster home? Elementary school?"

"You could say that," Damian replies, focused on driving. He's a freak about driving stuff after they crashed the Jazzy and he broke his arm. His eyes will never come off the road. Ever.

They ride the rest of the way in silence, and Aaron finally looks out the window as Damian pulls into the parking lot.

Providence Children's Hospital.

"I was born here," he explains while they get out of the car and he starts loading the toys into a wagon. "So was Janis. And this is the hospital Janis stayed at in 5th grade when she got that bronchitis pneumonia whatever, and then three years later in eighth grade. I visited her every time, even in 11th grade when she was in for almost a month, I barely left the place. Only for food and showers. This is the place Regina went to after Cady got her hit by a bus. And I've seen the kids that end up here. Some of them are so sad, Aaron. Three and four year olds who don't understand basic addition, let alone why their bodies are destroying them from the inside out. Nine, ten, twelve year olds who hurt like Janis do. Kids with missing limbs, kids who've been hit by their parents one too many times, kids who're in such bad shape it's a miracle they're still alive and kicking, but they fight, Aaron. Every morning they wake up, and they hook up to machines, and they take a deep breath and face a day full of pain and poking and prodding, and it only takes one short sleepless night before they do it all again. They're so brave. They deserve the world. All these kids and their families who have to spend their Christmas in the hospital for one reason or another, they deserve at least a little happiness. And I intend to be the bringer of that."

With all the toys in the wagon, Damian starts the walk into the hospital. Aaron follows wordlessly behind. "Hey there, Santa," greets one of the nurses. "Right on time. And you brought a helper!"

Damian shoots Aaron a glance, and they both can't help but smile. "Yeah," Damian says, signing into a ledger for both of them. "Where should I start?"

"Children's cancer ward?" the nurse suggests, coming around to look at the toys in the wagon. "Whoa. That's a lot. Thank you, so much. These kids need every ounce of Christmas cheer we can get. And who are you?" she asks, turning her gaze on Aaron.

"Uh, Aaron Samuels. Santa's boyfriend." Damian rolls his eyes at him over his shoulder and he tries to hide his smile. "I'm here to help. Moral support and all that jazz." The nurse nods at him

"Alright. Thank you both for doing this. Up the stairs, to the left."

"Stairs?" Damian echoes.

"Elevator's around the corner."

"Thank you!"

The next few hours are, for lack of better terminology, absolutely, heartbreakingly adorable.

In Room 202, they come across a young leukemia patient, 8 years old. Her name is Ellie and she's overjoyed when Damian hands over the Barbie doll- one in a wheelchair, just like Ellie herself.

"She's like me," she breathes, stroking the wheels of the doll's chair.

Aaron shares a tiny smile with Damian before Ellie looks back up at them.

"I've never seen one like me."

Room 406 holds a little boy named Zeke who has no one. No mom, no dad, no siblings. He's a foster kid and it's a miracle anyone even noticed he went missing when he did. The blue Hot Wheel is the first toy he's ever gotten. He's the first one that makes Aaron cry. He's not the last.

318 has two patients, Tara and Charlotte, who have each made cards for Santa. "Oh no!" Charlotte cries when she sees two people walk into the room instead of just one. "I only have one card!"

Aaron and Damian assure her it's okay and give them each a stuffed animal. "Merry Christmas," they say upon leaving. "Don't give up."

They get lots of cards throughout the day, and little gifts like crayons or flowers or candy. "I love you," say some of the little kids. "Thank you," say the older ones. "You're doing God's work," comes from the parents and staff.

By the end of the day, the wagon is emptied of toys and all their possible pockets are filled with gifts from the kids. "How did you like that?" Damian asks as they drive home. Aaron has his forehead rested against the window, watching the trees fly by.

"The kids that made jokes were funny. The kids that said they loved us were adorable. And they were all so strong. So beautiful."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you for dragging me out of bed today, Damie."

"To help those little buggers? You were getting out of bed whether I had to yank you out by your ears or you came willingly. Thank you for not making me yank your ears."

Aaron smiles at the darkening sky. "Anytime."

#damiaaron #damian hubbard #aaron samuels #mean girls #mean girls the musical #fanfic #fanfiction #xmas #christmas #illness tw #hospital tw #seven.content #system scribbles

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