#sorry that my comeback post is for a man in a completely different universe

[ch0wen]

༝ ˚ ༝ My Lady is the Sea ｡ ˚ ༝ - Prince Eric x Fem!Reader | NSFW

𖠳 ᐝ warnings: brief smut, 18+ (minors dni), unprotected sex & cursing

Sea salt tickles your nostrils as you step out onto the wooden dock. Nose twitching like a bunny to rid the salty air from your sensitive nerves. You glide forward only a few feet, and your left shin knocks into a wooden pole. A barricade lined the perimeter of the landing. Fencing that stops you from falling into the unknown below. An oil lantern illuminates a portion of the dock and the gradually darkening surface of the deep. The expansive waters lurk just beyond the fading arc of light. Your body gently sways with the sounds of the waves stirring.

Instinctively, you flex your hold on a roped handle. A heavy, disgusting mixture of beer and spit sloshes in the bucket that you have been entrusted to dump out. Polluting the ocean, you think. An unfortunately common attribute of living in a coastal town. It's second nature to dump and forget. Water appears to be along every horizon you look to. It surrounds you, yet it's ever-moving. Continuous. Traveling away.

How you wish you could be out there now. Just like your father had moons ago. Oh, the precious things he gifted you with when he returned to the marina! The carefully selected treasures. He always seemed to know which new object would earn an excited squeal from you because of its sparkles or funky shape. Whispers at bedtime of now fictitious-sounding tales on how he acquired them. To you, his trips were like storybooks. Too embarrassing to admit, you used to go to sleep late into your teens with visions of exploration dancing in your head. Dreaming of the uncharted waters and cloudy faces of the friends you'd make. He'd promise to you, that you would soon be old enough to explore the world with him.

But you couldn't truly treasure the last retelling of his adventures because no one foresaw he would leave it on a cliffhanger. He never came back. Your mother forbade you from speaking of his expeditions as time passed. "Don't go towards the beyond." "This is your home." "You're safe here." she chided. Here, on land. The hope soon ended with the stories. You grew accustomed to the familiar. You were raised here. It's all you have known. Is it worth it to leave at this point?

However, there are instances when you fall back into childlike wonder. In the quiet lulls, similar to the brink of falling asleep, you can't help but contemplate what else the waters hold past their horizons.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

A faint, muffled tune begins inside and wafts out into the silence. The merry-sounding song envelops you. You blink out of the reverie to adjust your vision in the darkness.

You can hear the pub's piano, in desperate need of a tuning, as you push open the door. A gaggle of men are singing a sea shanty in the dining space. They look disheveled but have dancing smiles. You can't help grinning as you watch these men celebrate life.

“Just docked," Gwen, your co-worker, calls from over her shoulder. She fills up two cups and then slides them over the bar top towards one of the waiting men. He slaps a few coins down and moves back to the crowd, like rejoining a school of fish.

Gwen wipes up the liquid he left, “I heard one of them holler that they came in from the Carribean.”

“I feel like that's only the third ship from around there this season."

"How do you manage to even keep track? There have to have been hundreds of vessels that have passed through here."

You blushingly shrug at her knowing smirk. Teasingly, her fingers reach out to flick at your slightly tarnished necklace. A chain made from Spanish silver with a locket bearing some type of ruby gem.

Leonardo was the one who had graced you with this last year. He was a buccaneer. He and his crew docked in town for a fortnight. He was charming and proud. In the tavern, he was always drunkenly boasting about the treasures he had found. The people he'd fought. The Lords he'd impressed. The people he'd fucked. He was so fun.

When your birthday happened around the time he was in town, he came stumbling into the bar with this necklace. He said it was nothing and that he had dozens of more valuable findings in a chest on board his ship. But he never showed you to prove that to be true. However, you did thank him ever so graciously that night.

He sailed out a day later. No harbor was his home. You're used to this life working as a bartender in a popular trading port. You see hundreds of thousands of faces. All of these handsome men ranged from sailors to buccaneers. They all share with you the amazing stories of their lives. They fascinated you. Inspired you. Seduced you. - You can't help but be attracted to the rugged, good-looking, and ambitious type.

A man unexpectedly calls out from the crowd towards the pair of you. His voice grabs your attention like a Siren's song. There were too many bodies to place where it was coming from in the mass of people, but you swear you briefly saw a hand in the air on the left side of the room.

“My lovely bar maidens, a round of your finest ale, please, yeah?"

“Right away, sir,” you nod curtly while pivoting obediently to fill the dregs.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

The rosy-cheeked, rowdy men cheer even louder as you approach with their fifth round of booze. Their attention has been won, not by the promise of refreshments, but by the beer sloshing over the rims and onto the pair of bouncing breasts carrying it all.

Low whistles scatter around the table at your cleavage while you lean over to set down the ale. Mucky hands grabbing for the foaming tankards. You catch a handsome man staring through the limbs. He gives you a dimpled smirk. His eyes betray him as they glimpse down to what you can assume is your chest. Well, he's no better than any man.

Your retreating form hears the same voice from before exclaim, “Here is to another voyage through uncharted waters! I am grateful for all your hard work, boys. And thanks to Grimsby for laying off the scolding because we're three days past schedule."

You're back at the bar. A crewmate, with a red kerchief pushing back his straw-yellow hair, heaves an overfilled mug in the air toward the handsome man,

"And a special thanks to our Captain, whose mother would keel over from learning the adventures her dear boy has taken us on. Prince Eric!"

"Prince Eric," they unanimously cheer!

Together, as they collide their drinks, fat drops of the golden liquid splash onto Prince Eric's tunic and wet his chest. The strings of his shirt are untied. Making the neck loosely hang open with his chest hair on full display. Your eyes are drawn to it. Tracing the outline of his defined pecs through the thin fabric. You're no better than a man. Worst yet, he notices you staring. His stare seems to darken, and he motions his mug towards you as a 'cheers' gesture before returning focus to his companions.

Clearing your throat and dirty mind, you turn back to tend to one of your regulars, a local fisherman slumped over on a stool at the end of the bar.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

Eric strides over as you scrub up the beer rings on the bar, left by the patrons who previously occupied the empty stools. He fluidly pulls one out to sit and drums his fingers along the wood. Blue eyes staring you down for a third time tonight,

"Can I get you anything?”

“I think I should take a breather. My crew is too enthusiastic to get me drunk.”

“Sounds like you're having a bad night." He threw back his head and let out a loud laugh. Admittedly, it was too big of a reaction to that poor joke attempt. You wring out your rag into a nearby bucket to hide your smile.

You wait for a beat before sparing him another glimpse. He’s staring at your chest again. You feel the exposed skin warm under his look. You’re tempted to peek down to see how much this corset is causing you to spill out.

“Did you get it locally?

“Sorry?”

"The necklace," he half-gestures towards you.

You clasp at the pendant, "Oh, this."

He nods with his eyes fixed on your chest a moment longer before moving up to your face. His cheeks are flushed and eyes hooded, assumedly, from the pints he and his crew have slung back. You're moving toward him, holding out the chain to let him get a closer look.

“I think it’s from the Spanish Islands. A pirate passing through last season gave it to me.”

His large hand reaches out to replace yours. “It’s beautiful. I have an eye for treasures like this.”

He's so close like this. You watch his eyes flick around the locket, his fingers tracing over the gems, and the way his dark curls fall as he tilts his head to examine.

“Silly me to think anything else. Here I thought you were just checking out my chest.”

“Well, you do have wonderful tits," he absentmindedly states. He leaves you gaping as he pulls back.

"Thank you for letting me have a look. I'd be rather fond of that if I were you. That's a special gift."

"Y-yeah, but given to me by a not-so-special guy," you shrug.

You sense an awkward pause, but he watches you with a soft, dimpled smile. You motion towards the window out to the harbor, “Which one is yours?”

“The biggest one. Naturally.”

You stifle your giggle and notice a boat at the end of the port. Beautiful and massive.

“Wow, you weren't kidding. What's it like up there?"

"On the boat? You work in a marina. Have you ever been on one?”

“Oddly, no.”

He didn't hide his shock.

“I'm sorry. Are you telling me that summer lover could give you a necklace but decided not to show you his deck?”

“Something like that," you lean onto the bar, "How unfortunate for me, right?"

His hand strikes the top of the bar as he rises from the stool, causing you to flinch.

“Well, that simply just won't do! Do you want to come see mine?"

The lamplight and mischievousness dance in his eyes, "I can give you the grand tour.”

“Will you let me spin the wheel?”

"Only the most skilled helmsmen are allowed to touch," he pouts, then that damned smile graces his lips again, "but I think I may be able to bend the rules for you."

“I’m going on break,” you call to Gwen before following the handsome voyager outside.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

"And, this would be the Captain's quarters."

"Oh, Captain Eric?"

He sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck, "I don't particularly like going by titles. Makes me feel like I'm trying to say I'm more important than others. I swear by my men. We venture out for fun, but I'd be stuck at port without them."

"That is a very noble thing to say, Prince Eric."

"Come off it," he laughs while moving over to a table against one of the walls. Eric picks up what appears to be a rock. He turns the object in his hands before showing you.

"Fossilized sea stone. Found it off the coast of my home island."

He places the textured stone in your open palms. The unexpected weight of it doubles you over, but Eric catches you. His hand lingers on your hip.

He proceeds to tell you about the rest of his findings laid out on the surface. You love the way his face lit up. Making himself exhilarated with his own stories. You listen intently and let yourself live vicariously through his retellings.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

Eric locks an ornate chest up as you watch. Sitting on the table now cleared of his glories. “So, are you considered a sailor, explorer, or just a guy with a boat and a lot of time on his hands?”

Eric laughs, "The last one, for sure. Once I turned nineteen, my mother allowed me to venture out and sail with the crew. I've always loved the idea of discovering something new on my voyages. Whether it be places, possessions, or people."

He's moving into your space, "I am happy to have met you, Y/N."

"And I, you, Prince Eric."

"No titles here." He leans in with a hint of a grin in his whisper, "I forbid it."

"Oh, that sounds like a command, and I shall obey, Your Majesty."

He chuffs as you see his eyes drop to your necklace again. His fingers dance along the silver chain before exploring further and grazing over the top of your chest. He makes sure to peek up at you for some sort of permission. Silently, you put your hand over his own to guide him to grab a handful of your breast. Eric takes the cue and squeezes while closing the gap between you with a kiss that immediately heats up. Hands knead your breasts over your camisole-corset top.

"And here I thought you've been admiring my necklace all night. I feel scandalized," you tease while he kisses your neck.

"No, no, it is beautiful! But, these," His calloused hands give a reassuring squeeze, "are really lovely."

Hands quickly work to pull down your blouse to expose your tits. Eric rolls a nipple between his forefinger and thumb. Gasping, you arch up into his touch. Legs instinctively spread wider to allow him in. You feel his dick twitch the moment he presses closer.

A moan growls in the back of his throat as he rolls his hips. Grinding his hard-on into your wetting core while you kiss. Your skin grows hot, his breaths come heavy, and the heat is building between your legs. 

Eric put his mouth to your breast, sucking at your skin in obscene, open-mouthed kisses. Eliciting a low keening sound from you. He withdrew just enough to lave at your nipple, back and forth, over and over, until your pussy thrummed to the same beat.

"Is it very unprincely of me to tell you that I would very much like to fuck you right here, now, in my chambers?"

"You are but a man, my Prince."

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

Your body was thrown across the desk. You don’t know where to put your hands, so they grip and scrape at the wooden surface while Eric fucks into you.

He has a firm hold on your naked waist. Keeping your long skirt hiked up to your stomach so he could watch himself penetrate you. He has a brutally harsh pace going. The delicious feel of the drag and pull of his cock.

Eric braces himself on the desk. A toned arm flexes next to your head. His face is now closer to yours as he changes the angle of his hips. With the newfound support, you feel him speed up his thrusting. He groans into your chest. Playfully biting a nipple before kissing up to your neck. His movements were enough to bring you dangerously close to reaching your high in only a few minutes.

"Oh, Prince Eric," you whine.

"Fuck." His hips stutter. "What's my name?"

"Captain Eric. Eric. Eric. "

A wave of bliss hits you and you screw your eyes shut. It doesn’t take long before both of you reach your orgasms. You hold onto Eric's biceps with all your might, as you scream his name. No doubt loud enough for everyone in the tavern to hear.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

At dawn, you're re-dressed and carefully creeping over the creaky floorboards. Trying not to wake any of the still-drunk crewmates who had found their way back onto the ship.

Catching your eye, the silver locket, sat on the once-empty desk, glints in the daybreak. Eric's back rises and falls. The rest of his bare body is covered by the messy bedsheets. Blissfully oblivious of your exit.

You let that sleeping form be your final image of the handsome Prince and disembark the Royal ship.

[creativia10]

First Wip: Dukeceit Vs

Summary: Vigilante Janus has to deal with the chaos that is the newest villain wreaking havoc. Yet they both find themselves drawn to one another.

Notes: I decided to go ahead and try posting some of these unfinished wips. This was actually one of the first fics I attempted to write after deciding I wanted to try and participate in Dukeceit week. I actually really liked this one. I think my original intention was for this to be for the Free day (although I ended up getting a lot of Dukeceit ideas that didn't fit into the prompts). I can see myself getting back to it eventually. Sorry for the abrupt cutoff it ends with at the moment.

Pairing: Janus x Remus

Word count: 2014

Warnings: implied background violence? , innuendos (implied kink), sexual tension

Janus nearly had to swerve as he felt his weight shifted into the wall of the building he was next to.

Well this was new.

Once he got his bearings, he carefully righted himself, testing that the ground was no longer shifting underneath him, and carefully made his way out of the alley he had changed in, still using the wall as a railing in case some other natural shift occurred. He peered out of the alley carefully, working into the natural suaveness his vigilante costume normally gave him.

The city…looked like a mess. He almost couldn’t begin to describe it. Roadways were shifted about, all sorts of objects were around in a disarray as though blown there. There were simultaneous evidence of flooding and fires. Janus had never before seen such a catastrophic mess left around. He wouldn’t have believed such a thing was there if he weren’t seeing it with his own eyes.

He sighed, and carefully stepped about to find the source of all this chaos. It didn’t take long for him to hear a maniacal cackle.

“Oh what fun!”

A man dressed in all black with accents in various outlandish neon colors was floating in the middle of the city, over what looked like swirling ground debris?

He was looking about, seeming to laugh at people’s reactions to the mess he had made. Attention at things such as people trying to fix wind ruined hair, and turning around as though dizzy in disbelief. He didn’t even seem to notice Janus at first.

Janus stepped up to him and cleared his throat.

“I’m not sure why I expected anything else, “ Janus said dryly. Of all things to say first to the new chaos.

The source of chaos turned to face Janus, and tilted his head, an unhinged twinkle to his eye before suddenly his earth twister collapsed and he landed right on the ground. There was an unpleasant sound as he landed, but the man didn’t seem phased as he looked over Janus. He had strange vibrant eyes, that gave Janus a radioactive feel.

“Hmm, you the goodie here to kill my buzz?”

Janus scoffed. “Gosh no. Do I look like a bright colored government ken doll? I clearly have way more class than them. I’m just someone who wants to make sure my life doesn’t get swept up in whatever craziness this is, and have the means to do so. I’d liked to see the end of the day, and I surely expected the road being twisted into a column is not going to be helpful to getting me to work tomorrow.”

The other just stared at him for a moment before he snorted.

“Ah, that’s a good one. See…I’m not done so,” He shrugged and went back to pointing around and zapping strange bouts of nature around the city.

“Are you even putting thought into what you’re doing?” Janus asked as he slyly brought himself closer.

“Or are you just doing your best to be an annoying menace to me?”

“Hmm,” he tapped his fingers to his lips, weird bits floating around.

“I mean, I didn’t have a particular plan, but I guess annoying you is a bonus.”

Just before Janus could pull out one of his weapons, a water tentacle slunk up from out of nowhere, and pulled him towards the black clad menace, wrapping him up and restraining him. The other laughed.

“Ah, now let’s have a looksy here.”

He walked around and seemed to be taking in Janus. Janus struggled and tried to get out of the hold, surprised there was such a firm pressure and that it was hard to break hold off. He wrinkled his nose when he got a whiff that suggested this water was not the cleanest.

“Hmm,” the villain was much closer now. Janus continued to struggle, glaring at the other, who simply smiled at him.

“Ok, “

Janus rolled his eyes. He concentrated, and Remus jumped at the unexpected slithering sensation around his ankle, which helped release Janus from the water hold.

Remus looked down to see the yellow and green snake there.

“Ah, you can summon snakes. Neato.” He then reached backward and got hold of Janus’ wrists before he could use the other snake like fanged object and surprisingly brought Janus up against his back, but he held the strength.

“Oh, snakey, if you wanted to wrap me up to bind me so badly, you only needed to ask.”

Janus grimaced and tried to break out of Menace’s hold, who in turn spun him around and pressed Janus back to his front this time. Menace made a sound somewhere between a growl and a purr.

“I say, I rather like you against me.”

Janus’ eyes widened, suddenly very aware of just how warm Menace’s body was against his. He tried to get ahold of his breath, struggling for a comeback.

“What, no quip back?” Menace asked, sounding far too pleased with himself.

Janus huffed out a breath and tried his other trick again.

“Oh, that’s not going to work on me, dear.” Menace said, even when snakes wrapped around his ankles.

“You’re not concerned about them being venomous?”

“You would kill me?”

“I’m a vigilante, I play by my own rules.”

“That wasn’t an answer~,” Menace sang. “And I’m sure this would be less fun if I died.”

“Who said anything about fun? That’s your thing.”

“Mhmm~. Sure.”

He leaned in some to whisper into Janus’ ear,

“Isn’t there a thrill to being close to a rival whose intentions you don’t know?”

For some reason, the way he said that gave Janus shivers. He quickly tried to think of something else he could summon to get him out of this position before he completely lost his composure.

“Aha!” A familiar voice cried.

“Release the snakey villain, you new fiend.”

However, the obnoxious ‘hero’s’ entrance gave Janus the distraction he needed. Janus stamped on Menace’s foot and elbowed him enough to be able to get out of his grasp. He turned to face him, eyes flashing.

Menace simply laughed.

“Oh.”

“Your villainous deeds have now come to an end now that I-“

Janus shot a gag at him.

Menace cackled.

“Didn’t expect you to do that.”

“He’s annoying.”

The hero wrestled the gag out and stamped his foot.

“Hey! I am trying to save the day!”

“Mhm, and I’m trying to cut down a pest, so out of my way.”

“As if I would let the sly likes of you determine your own moral law on how we retain the bads of this city!”

“Oh blah blah blah, gosh, does he always blather on like this?”

“Indeed.”

The hero gasped in offense.

“Anyways, I really did not come here to fight two people today. So if you’re determined, I’m gonna head out. “

“Aww, but you’re probably more fun to fight!”

Janus just stated at Menace for a moment.

“What?”

Menace laughed, and then zoomed away on another earth twister.

“Aren’t you gonna go after him?” Janus asked the hero.

“But first-“ the hero started.

Janus rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He threw a smoke bomb and left before the hero could turn that into another needless battle, like he tended to do.

-

Janus wasn’t sure what he expected to come of that, but it wasn’t what ended up happening. For one, apparently Menace, as Janus had mentally dubbed him, was better at getting away than he thought. Janus wouldn’t put it past the hero’s incompetence either though, but it really wasn’t his business as long as the pest was done. Recurring villains, unless they were really powerful, were actually not a common thing where they were. Usually the villain would end up in jail. The hero, despite being annoying and over the top, was powerful, like a more dramatic superman. It was annoying often, say when Janus clearly had it against a villain, or the hero suddenly decided to fight him since his deeds were not always the most legal. Nevertheless, a villain being a child about who they wanted to fight was not common. For one thing, usually it was just the hero who fought the bad guys. Janus didn’t always go out of his way since he didn’t consider himself to be a universal do-gooder or anything like that.

Yet, this ‘Menace’ would show up at different parts of the city, bringing about his usual chaos, and almost actively ignored the hero. It was strange. Janus, begrudgingly, felt he needed to step in. The hero didn’t work well with others, or maybe he was just a nightmare to ‘work’ with.

Janus had barely gotten his costume on in the alleyway when he felt a strong wind pulling him out.

Gosh. That was too close.

Menace was standing in front of him, on the ground this time, with his earthy twister behind him.

“Heyy there, snakey. I’ve been waiting~.”

Janus raised an eyebrow at him, despite it likely being covered by his mask.

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm!” The villain leaned forward on his toes, unnaturally keeping his balance, probably from wind powers or something. Janus couldn’t help but lean back some.

“I was getting bored~.”

“That seems to be your whole ordeal, hm? You get bored. I get tired, yet I’m still here.”

Menace snorted.

“See, this is what I mean. You’re fun to talk to.”

“Yes, because snarky rival banter totally counts as talking.”

“Well, it is for me. “

Remus then spun around in his twister that seemed to stretch away.

“Come and catch me!” His voice rang off.

Janus groaned and started to trudge in that direction, trying to decide what he could summon to assist himself. He hadn’t summoned many large objects of transportation, but maybe he could find something to up his speed.

“You! He-“

“Yeah, I know, sir super hero. He seems to want to play with me, I will have to deal with it.”

The hero paused for a moment. “Is there anything I can do?” He asked hesitantly.

Janus smirked at him. “Not that I can think of. You seem the type to care about protecting the people so” Janus waved his hand, and went back to his task. He didn’t get very far before he was thrust into his next obstacle, a sink hole suddenly sucking him into the ground. Janus quickly summoned a grappling hook and hooked it onto the surface so he was dangling, but no longer falling. There was an echo of Menace’s cackle. Janus sighed as he swung himself up and landed smoothly. He looked around and saw he was in a different part of the city.

“Oo.”

Janus heard little clapping.

“That was a neat trick. I got to see you in many different angles. Very fun for me.”

Janus gave him an unimpressed look, before carefully looking around.

“Where is everybody?”

“Oh, probably deserted. I’m not very quiet.”

He slid up to Janus, on some sort of sliding ground formation.

“I think I’d rather have you all to myself anyways~” He said with a whole body wiggle.

Janus made a face.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

“Hmm?”

Menace suddenly got closer.

Janus took a step back, hand curling for something, but he struggled to wrack his mind of something that he could actually use against the walking natural disasters.

“Th-the comments, to me.”

Janus cursed to himself at the stutter.

‘“Hmmm” Menace tilted his head until there was an unpleasant creak.

“Cause. It’s fun, and I like you.”

Janus paused and stared at him in bewilderment.

“What?”

Menace giggled at that and then suddenly they were against a wall. Janus let out an oof, as his back hit a bit roughly. It didn’t help that the other man was against him.

“Ya know, I gotta say, I’m not the type who’s into pain,” Janus croaked before he could stop himself.

Menace frowned and took a small step back.

“Er, sorry…I got ahead of myself. I didn’t actually hurt you did I?”

Janus narrowed his eyes at the other, a bit

[mytastessuck]

Gorillaz: Humanz

SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.

See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.

1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off

Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.

10/10

2. Ascension

Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.

9/10

3. Strobelite

That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.

100/10

4. Saturn Barz

Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.

25/10

5. Momentz

WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...

9/10

6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath

Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...

10/10

7. Submission

This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.

90/10

8. Charger

She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.

9/10

9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up

On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.

8/10

10. Andromeda

Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.

50/10

11. Busted And Blue

Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

10/10

12. Interlude: Talk Radio

You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.

8/10

13. Carnival

Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.

80/10

14. Let Me Out

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.

9/10

15. Interlude: Penthouse

Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.

Thanks for everything,

mytastessuck

8/10

16. Sex Murder Party

Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.

11/10

17. She's My Collar

Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.

9/10

18. Interlude: The Elephant

I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!

8/10

19. Hallelujah Money

Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.

75/10

20. We Got The Power

A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.

10/10

21. Interlude: New World

Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?

8/10

22. The Apprentice

A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...

9/10

23. Halfway To The Halfway House

A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.

8/10

24. Out of Body

This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!

60/10

25. Ticker Tape

Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.

9/10

26. Circle of Friendz

Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...

To...

...

...Maybe I should listen to the album again.

11/10

Album score: 25/10

Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Through His Eyes - Part 4

Summary: Losing your sight after your accident was traumatic, and Jaebum’s guilt of knowing it should have been him instead creates an intricate bond between you both, as you overcome adversity and try to find your way in life again.

Genre: angst / romance

Characters: Im Jaebum x female reader

A/N: This story is emotional and raw compared to some of the content on my blog. It is in no way an attempt to glamourise or undervalue the lives of those who suffer from something similar. This story is purely fictional.

Through His Eyes will be posted every Tuesday at 10am NZST.

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 [M] | 13 - FINAL

“I’m not sure I want to agree to this.”

“Mum, honestly I’ll be fine. You’re letting me attend university again next week, so this will be like a test run!” You grabbed onto her hand as if it would help her agree.

“How is going to JYP Entertainment for the day going to help you with your studies? You can’t even play a recorder, let alone sing.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” You pouted and felt your Mum pat your hand a moment later. You grinned and bounced a little in your chair. “JYP himself suggested it. That means they’ll take really good care of me. Just like Jaebum did when-”

“I’m still very unhappy he took you out without my permission that day. Lord knows what could have happened to you!”

“And we both said sorry for not letting you know, it was irresponsible of us. But this is official and planned and you know where I’ll be and-”

“Breathe Y/N, you sound like you’re going to hyperventilate. Is it really that important for you to go there?” You nodded your head up and down so fast that you felt a little faint when you stopped. The older woman sighed in defeat. “You’ll be home by eight tonight.”

“Eight?!”

“Eight,” she repeated firmly and you inwardly groaned, feeling twelve again. But knowing that still meant you would spend several hours out and with Jaebum brightened you back up again.

“Okay, I’ll promise I’ll be home before it turns seven fifty-nine!”

“Child, you still can twist me around your finger so well.”

“Thanks Mum!” You hugged her tightly and then pulled her up with you. Pressing a button on your watch and hearing the time was already getting closer to ten in the morning, you gasped and dragged her into your room.

“What is all this?!” She pulled away from you when you stopped and you turned to face her, hoping your expression would show your desperation. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to hang out with idols today!” You almost squealed, but refrained from setting off your disapproving Mother to your celebrity worshipping ways again. “I can’t just wear anything. I want to look pretty. Please help me.”

“Pretty for who?” she asked with a hint of amusement and you blushed, swatting at the air in embarrassment. “Let me find the ugliest dress you own then. Not one of them will need to eye my daughter in delight!”

“MUM!”

It was nerve-wracking riding in the car to JYP Entertainment, wishing Jaebum had been the one to pick you up. Mum was the same, and almost changed her mind, until Yong informed her of being the personal manager of GOT7. You knew him from several fan meetings and this eased some of your concerns, though he seemed awkward in your company. You should have been used to it by now; most people you came into contact with didn’t know how to treat someone so different as yourself. Even your friends had started to act as if your blindness changed you into something foreign and not relatable. You held onto the hope of being in Jaebum’s company quickly, knowing he was the only other one who treated you the same each time you were with him.

Yong signalled it was time to get out of the car once the vehicle stopped and he opened the door as you fumbled to get out, feeling instantly anxious as you couldn’t decipher where you were. You started to dread coming out today, and almost dove back into the vehicle. Instead, you flinched at the sudden touch of the manager, who apologised and then led you quietly into the building. The air changed and the greyscale world you lived in dulled once you were out of the sun. You could hear multiple voices, bustling around doing their duties within the company. Your hands broke out into a sweat as you entered an elevator.

“Where are we heading?” you asked quietly and Yong cleared his throat.

“Park Jinyoung CEO-nim wants to welcome your visit today. The members of GOT7 will be in their practice room, and our CEO-nim will take you to them himself.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Is that fine? Are you feeling alright?”

“It’s just a little confusing because I don’t know where I am. I’m fine though, thank you.”

“Not much further to go.”

Yong didn’t speak to you again until he knocked on a door and led you into what you presumed to be the office of the head of JYP Entertainment.

“Ah, you’re here. Hello Y/N!”

You bowed in greeting and hoped you were facing the right way. “Thank you for this opportunity.”

“It is my pleasure. We have spoken to your Mother in the past, but I have yet to meet you in person, which is rude of me. Knowing that you now play an influential part in Jaebummie’s life, it’s important that I get to know you too. Shall I take you to their practice room now?”

You nodded lightly and held out your arm to signal needing assistance. The older man chuckled and then placed your hand on his lower arm, leading you to the next destination. Unlike Yong’s awkward behaviour, Park Jinyoung made a point to tell you of each place as you passed it on the journey and explained a little about what was happening around you. You relaxed in his care, feeling warm from the man’s active approach in chaperoning you.

You entered through another door, the music you had heard nearby now playing loudly around the room. It suddenly stopped and you tried turning your head in hopes it would point you in the right direction to Jaebum. You soon smelt one of his colognes and shifted, his arm extended out for you to grab onto. It was as if you both had your own little routine that you executed with ease and you relaxed completely once you had a hold of him.

“Wow hyung, that was crazy! How did you know to grab onto him Y/N, he hadn’t even said anything?!” Jackson uttered in amazement and you blushed lightly, not realising it might seem weird to others.

You heard the elder Jinyoung chuckle behind you and then felt him move closer. “They say people gain extra senses when another weakens off, Jackson. Y/N, I will leave you in the care of these boys. They are to work though, so I hope to hear of some progress on your upcoming comeback, understood?”

A chorus of voices replied positively and you bowed lightly in agreement. You heard the door close and then stood there awkwardly. After realising you were gripping onto Jaebum’s sleeve of his hoodie, you jumped off it, trying to ease yourself back to being calm.

“They won’t bite, come on let’s go sit down with them.” Jaebum led you over to a sofa and you sat down slowly, sensing the other members were all in front of you as well. Jaebum confirmed it as he kicked out a moment later. “Don’t crowd Y/N, it will unsettle her. She’s not an exhibition in a zoo!”

“Like we’d think that. Besides, we all know Y/N from being a fan for so long.”

You nodded at Mark’s statement and smiled shyly. This was harder than you had anticipated. You smoothed down your dress absent-mindedly and prayed Mum had been only joking when she helped you change earlier on.

“You look really pretty in blue, Y/N,” BamBam complimented from watching your actions, and you let out a breath in relief, knowing you only had one blue dress and it was one of your favourites. You were aware of Jaebum pressing against your side a little more than he had been, and you took up his invitation, leaning into him a little and trying to not sit so stiffly.

“So today we’re working on practising our new title track for our comeback. Jaebum actually wrote it,” Youngjae mentioned to break the silence again.

You giggled. “When doesn’t he write the title, he proudly told me about all his efforts on this album the other day on the phone. I personally like it when you all have a part in the song-making process too!”

“Y/N, I feel like we are meant to be friends.” You felt someone sit down beside you and tried to decipher if it was Jinyoung who had just spoken or not. Although they all had distinctive talking voices, you were overwhelmed and it was getting difficult not to feel insecure.

“Okay, this is going to sound really stupid but I’m a little overwhelmed right now,” you admitted, reaching deep inside yourself for confidence to assist your current situation. You took a shaky breath. “I need to feel your hands, is that okay?”

Suddenly the arm to the left of you was in your grasp and you jumped a little at the forwardness. “I’m first, but why our hands?”

“Because the one thing we use the most with our fans is our hands in fan meetings,” Jaebum explained and you nodded, gently feeling the hand within your grip.

You smiled lightly. “Yugyeom.”

“You knew that was him though, it was obvious,” Jinyoung mentioned and you smiled as another hand was given to you. “That’s not me.”

“I know, it’s Mark-oppa.”

“Ha, I’m oppa!” The man proudly declared. You blushed as you reached out for the next hand.

Jaebum sighed. “Y/N is a year younger than Jinyoung, Jackson and I.”

“Not going to lie, but this is really cool,” Jackson mentioned after you correctly guessed the other member’s hands. “I don’t want to be insensitive. Let’s address the elephant in the room though. We’re all aware you’re blind. But we didn’t quite know what to expect or how to treat you.”

“I’m still nervously excited around you all, I’m still a big fan of your music, and I’m still normal. I just need a little help.”

“Well you’ve got it for the rest of the day, how does that sound?” Jinyoung gripped your hand a little and you nodded, feeling another blush rise to the surface. The group became a little animated and you used your free hand to find Jaebum. It wasn’t long until his hand was in yours again and you silently thanked him for not even saying anything to your random need to keep checking he was there when you knew he was.

“I have a question before we go sing though,” BamBam mentioned above the noise and you angled your head towards where his voice came from. “We never have asked you this, even when we were last together.”

“We don’t need to go there,” Jaebum warned, gripping your hand more than he had been.

“What? All I wanted to know was who Y/N’s bias is out of us all.”

“Why ask her something like that?!” Jackson chided the boy and you heard a playful slap happen. “It’s obvious we don’t need to establish that, I’m her favourite!”

“Hang on, where on earth did you come to that conclusion?”

“Easily Mark, Y/N held my hand longer.”

Yugyeom snorted. “Maybe Y/N couldn’t decipher who’s chubby digits she was holding!”

“Hey!”

You laughed along with the others as the two playful members started to whiz around the room and realised that your love for GOT7 truly extended passed their music. They were welcoming and still seemed to be their dorky selves in front of you too. You appreciated it more than they probably realised.

The fan within you rejoiced to be in such great company again.

_________________

[Part 5]

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[starryeyed-char]

Secrets

This is a (decently long, sorry for the lack of writing these past few days) one-shot for the below prompt! It... didn’t turn out exactly like the ask, but I hope you like it anyway! I’ve been wanting to try writing trans!lance for a while because I absolutely love that hc, and I really enjoyed writing this, so let me know if you guys like it, because I could definitely see myself doing another fic with it.

Trans! Lance where an asshole alien keeps miss gendering Lance and being transphobic and he starts to get upset and then the team overhears this happening and are about to kick the aliens ass.

I tried to make it gen... but it ended up being very klance, especially at the end... so uh... I hope you like it anyway! Sorry this always happens when I try to write gen fics.

Only half the team knew.

Contrary to their belief, Lance was actually an expert secret keeper. With a large family like his, he had to know when to keep his mouth shut. So, despite the loud, obnoxious, open persona he displayed for the others, he could also be sneaky.

He'd the had practice of years sneaking out of the Garrison, or even his house when he was little to go see the beach at night with his siblings.

So, keeping a secret on an unbelievably large castle ship with only six other people on it was easy.

Or at least, it should've been.

Admittedly, Lance managed to hide lots of stuff from his fellow team members. Little injuries he didn't want to worry them with, the thoughts piled up in his head that would just upset them if they knew, things like that.

This secret, however, was a bit more difficult to hide. Still, he managed for a while.

Lance had told Hunk, of course, back at the Garrison. They'd been roommates, after all, and he knew the other would find out pretty quickly. In order to avoid all the questions that would be asked the first time Hunk inevitably walked in while Lance wasn't wearing a binder, he told him the very first day.

Hunk was incredibly supportive, promising he didn't care. Lance was also extremely grateful that he agreed to keep it a secret from the teachers, despite that hiding even something small stressed the boy out.

Because Lance's mother had lied on his application forms. As far as the Garrison knew, he was just a regular, cis, heterosexual boy. Lance was extremely relieved by this, since the Garrison didn't really have the best reputation for being LGBTQ+ friendly, and Iverson tormented him enough with the material he had.

On their second day in space, Hunk had told Lance that he should probably tell everyone else, but Lance couldn't bring himself to. Hunk respected his choice, and told Lance that he'd never tell them, but they both knew the rest of the team would figure it out eventually.

Still, it was nice, not having them look at him differently.

Lance didn't particularly want to tell Pidge, but he ended up having to anyway, through no fault of his own.

It wasn't as if Lance had planned to be stuck in space for who knows how long. He hadn't exactly packed a bag. Hell, he only had one Earth outfit with him. He considered himself lucky he'd been wearing his binder.

When the telltale cramps arrived, Lance knew he was screwed. He'd searched the infirmary before, but came up empty. No pads or tampons anywhere in sight.

So, he knocked on Pidge's door, a bundle of nerves. Allura was the alternative choice, though, and he wasn't sure if being transgender was a thing for Alteans. Or if they even had periods.

Pidge opened the door, glaring at him. “What do you want?”

“What do you do when you get your period?” The words came out in a rush, and Lance clapped his hands over his mouth afterward.

Pidge stared at him for a moment, before going to slam the door in his face.

“No! No, Pidge wait!” He wedged his foot in the door, and she scowled. “It's... uh, it's really important.”

“Lance, it's kind of rude to be asking me this,” she informed him. “And why the fuck do you even want to know?”

He took a deep breath. “Because... oh man. I'm... trans. And I need pads. Like, right now. Please, just help me out here?”

Her expression changed in a second. “You're...? Woah. Um.” She was completely at a loss for words. “This better not be one of your jokes—”

“If you want me to prove it, I will, but I'd really like to avoid that and just get some pads, thank you.”

She held up her hands, and retreated into the room. “Nope. No proving necessary, Lance, I trust you. Just come to me whenever you need more,” She returned, handing him a box of pads. “Allura gives them to me. No idea where she gets them.”

“You're... not going to ask anything else about it? Like why I kept it a secret?”

Pidge snorted. “Lance, you thought I was a boy for the first year I knew you. I'm sure you had your reasons for keeping it from the team, but it doesn't matter to me. You're still the idiot I know and love.”

Lance could barely contain his sigh of relief. “Thanks, Pidge.”

She nodded, eyes still surveying him. Calculating. “Anytime. Hunk knows, doesn't he?”

Lance nodded sheepishly. “Ever since the Garrison.”

“Figures,” Pidge scoffed.

Coran knew before Pidge, technically speaking, but it wasn't until Lance was returning from Pidge's room, several months later, with a box of pads that Lance learned this.

He stammered for a few seconds, hiding the box behind his back and managing to say, “I can explain!”

Coran smiled at him softly, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “I've known for some time,” he told Lance. “Found out in the scans from the pod, when Sendak bombed the castle. I was confused at first, but I've known Alteans who are the same. I'm not sure what they call it in your language.”

“Oh! Uh, transgender.” Lance was failing to keep a small smile off his own face.

“Transgender,” Coran echoed, as if testing the word. He smiled again. “Well, my boy, your secret's always safe with me. But I'm sure if and when you decide to tell the others, they'll support you, too.”

“Thanks, Coran,” Lance started back towards his room, but the older man called out to him again.

“Oh, one more thing. I decided I'd ask you when you decided to tell me, but now's as good a time as any. I believe we have some sort of shot in the infirmary that transitioning Alteans would use over time? I'd have to test it to see if it's compatible with human DNA, but if you'd like me to search for it in the infirmary for you, I can.”

Lance hugged him.

He knew keeping the others in the dark couldn't possibly last, but Lance was working up the courage. Slowly, but surely. He figured he'd tell Allura next, as they'd gotten much closer following the lion switch.

But, as it turned out, the universe hated Lance, so of course something like this had to happen.

It was a diplomatic meeting, nothing stressful. They were attending a feast on a planet of aliens they'd just saved, Netilia. The Netilians were very short, stout, and almost entirely covered in fur. Pidge had decided to refer to them as 'less cute Ewoks', which had Hunk and Lance stifling laughter.

A Netilian servant and their King came to the castle, bringing the traditional garments that they were instructed to wear to the feast, as was custom for visitors on their planet.

They brought four that looked like a strange kind of suit. And three dresses.

“Excuse me, but why did you bring three dresses?” Allura asked, looking at the clothes in confusion. “We only require two.”

“It is customary for all females to wear dresses to ceremonies in our culture. I'd hoped the three of you wouldn't mind,” the leader explained. Allura just looked at the rest of the team, bewildered.

“We only have two girls on this team,” Pidge said slowly.

Hunk had placed a hand on Lance's shoulder, but he shrugged it off, forcing a laugh. “Guess you really should get a haircut, Keith. Your hair is so long, they think you're a girl!”

Keith scowled, probably all set with some witty comeback. But he never got to say it.

“The third female in the group is... you, is it not?” the alien asked, looking directly at Lance. The blue paladin fidgeted nervously, taking several steps backward. “Forgive me, but there is a subtle different in how genders naturally smell, detectable by my people's enhanced senses. We brought this dress for you, miss.”

Lance took another step back. He shook his head. “No, I'm... I'm not a girl. My name is Lance, I pilot the red lion.”

“Leave him alone,” Pidge's voice was like venom, and it stopped Keith in his tracks, about to ask what the hell was going on. “Just give him a damn suit already.”

“What... what the green paladin means to say is, this little misunderstanding can be easily cleared up if you'll replace the extra dress with the male attire,” Coran suggested, looking back at Lance nervously.

Hunk had an arm around Lance's shoulders now, and he was glaring at the aliens, but didn't speak.

“This is... odd,” Allura began, unsure of what to say. “But I can assure you, there must be some mistake. Lance is a boy.”

“Yeah, no doubt about that,” Keith seconded. “Have you ever seen the guy when around girls?”

Shiro nodded in agreement, looking slightly amused by the whole thing. “This must be a joke right? To break the diplomatic ice, so to speak?”

The alien shook his head, now glaring up at Lance. “Why would you lie to your team?” he asked, with a frown. “Voltron is the protector of the universe. To think that a paladin, a defender of the innocent, would lie about such a thing shows how untrustworthy you clearly are! Even now, when proven, you claim innocence.”

“I'm not lying!” Lance insisted. He was starting to tremble. “I'm not a girl! You've... you've got it wrong. Please, just... leave me alone!”

“Someone shut this alien up,” Pidge growled. "Or I am going to attack him. Diplomatic relations be damned."

“I'm not sure I'm comfortable having an alliance with someone who would lie about her identity on the team,” the Netilian leader declared. “She should probably be removed from her post as paladin as soon as possible, or Netilia will not join the confederation.”

Lance looked like he was going to be sick. “I.... I have to go,” he managed to get out, before dashing off in the direction of his room.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

“What the hell just happened?” Keith demanded, looking around at all of them. The second his eyes landed on Hunk, the yellow paladin jumped.

“Hunk, if you know something you have to tell us,” Shiro ordered. “This is supposed to be a team. What's going on?”

Hunk shifted from foot to foot, clearly very uncomfortable. “I'm sorry Shiro, but before I was a paladin, I was Lance's friend. And I made him a promise, and I'm going to keep it. You'll have to ask him yourself.” With that said, he ran after Lance.

“Your friend is not a 'him',” the alien said, impatiently. “I don't see why you choose to ignore what I'm telling you about her.”

“Get him off of the castle,” Pidge said through gritted teeth. “Before I beat the shit out of him for what he just did to Lance.”

“Now, now, Pidge,” Coran held up his hands in a peace-making gesture. Though he, too, kept casting worried glances toward the blue paladin's room. “He obviously didn't know what he was doing.”

“I don't know what's going on, but you have clearly deeply upset one of my paladins, and I cannot stand for that,” Allura fixed the two Netilians with a cold glare. “Please leave my ship. Immediately.”

The second they were gone, Keith whirled on Coran and Pidge. “Would one of you explain what the fuck is going on?”

“Lance is trans.” It came from Shiro, surprisingly, and Pidge's eyes snapped up to him.

“You knew?”

“No, but I had a friend who was at school, back in my Garrison days,” Shiro told them. “Would never have guessed otherwise. I never would've thought... Lance hid it from us all so well.”

“Yeah,” Pidge mumbled under her breath, glaring at the flood. “Lance hides a lot of things.”

“Wait,” Keith interrupted. “So... Lance is...?”

“Keith, because it's you I might cut you some slack. But you better be careful about your lack of social etiquette anyway, because this is Lance we're talking about,” Pidge deadpanned. “And yes. Lance is trans.”

Keith's eyes widened with realization, followed by fury. “Allura, lower the particle barrier. I'm going to go talk with that alien.”

Allura was half way to the control panel before Coran stopped her. “This will only cause more conflict. I think it's most important to worry about poor Lance right now, don't you? I'm sure he didn't want the three of you to find out this way.”

“Three of us?” Shiro asked. “Coran, you knew too?”

“Cryropod scans.”

“I didn't know until after Coran, technically,” Pidge piped up. “Hunk found out at the Garrison, but Lance needed... me, and he told me. Here. In space.”

“What'd he need you for?” Keith asked, completely oblivious.

Pidge stared at him blankly, clearly surprised that one person could be so clueless. “Pads, Keith. He needed pads.”

Keith's face instantly went bright red. “Right. Um... yeah. Of course. Sorry I asked.”

Hunk walked back into the room just then, took one look at all of their expressions, and sighed. “Nice going, Pidge.”

“It's not my fault! Shiro guessed!”

“Is... is he okay?” Keith wondered.

Hunk hesitated. “He's still pretty upset. It's been a while since someone he didn't want to know found out, and so it's been a while since he's been misgendered but... he'll be okay. Lance is tough,” Hunk assured them all, and then looked back at Keith. “He wanted to talk to you. First, at least.”

Keith blanched. “Me?! Why would he want to talk to me? I'm terrible at this stuff!”

“He doesn't want to hear it from me, because he knows I accept him already,” Hunk tells him. “Keith, it's really important to him that you accept him, too.”

“But... why?! When has Lance ever cared what I thought?” Even as Keith said this, a certain conversation came to mind.

Must really be bothering you if you came to talk to me.

Well... you're the team leader now, right?

Hunk smiled sadly. “You'll have to ask him yourself.”

Keith only hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. He didn't expect Lance to open it almost immediately, as he had never actually been inside the paladin's room before. Still, Lance had practically no boundaries when it came to privacy. Or... at least, he'd thought so, anyway.

Lance stepped aside to let Keith pass, and then immediately took a seat on the bed, leaving Keith to stand awkwardly and observe him. The taller boy had pulled his hood up over his head, and his blue eyes were red rimmed. So Lance had been crying.

That thought alone was enough to make Keith want to storm outside the castle and wring that alien's neck. Lance was supposed to be the cheerful one, always boosting the team's mood with his grins and terrible jokes. The idea of him crying was just... wrong.

“Well?” Lance asked, and Keith jumped.

“Well... what?”

Lance rolled his eyes, but Keith didn't miss him bringing a hand up to rub at them. “Well, where's the long, inspirational leader speech? 'Lance you're still a part of the team, owning up to this will make you a better paladin,' all that sappy bullshit.”

Keith offered him a small smile. “I've never been that good at speeches.”

Lance snorted. “That's an understatement.”

“If you want a speech, Shiro's the person to ask” Keith told him, averting his eyes. “He's the real leader, anyway.”

“I didn't want to talk to Shiro,” Lance said bluntly. “I wanted to talk to you. I don't know why you haven't realized it yet, Keith, but you're a great leader. When you're not making stupid decisions without consulting anyone else, that is. But I think we've grown past that.” And then Lance smiled, and Keith couldn't help but feel a crushing relief.

“Still don't get why you'd want to talk about this with me of all people,” Keith muttered. “We all know I'm the worst at this stuff. Since when have you cared what anyone thought?”

Lance sighed, still smiling, but there was something sad about it. “If you really think that, then you don't know me at all.”

Keith wasn't sure what to say to that.

Lance sighed again, gesturing at the bed beside him. “Are you going to sit, or just stand there? Because you look more uncomfortable than I feel, and it's disconcerting.”

Keith sat next to Lance on the bed, leaving a decent amount of space between them.

“If you think this will change anyone's opinion of you, at all, you're wrong,” Keith said, finally breaking the silence. “And I know you're expecting me to say that, but it's true. Pidge told us all she was a boy! I'm literally part alien Lance. We've been a team for over a year now. This doesn't change who you are to us. You're Lance. Our sharpshooter.” Keith couldn't help the fond smile that came over his face. “Our goofball.”

Lance started, looking back at him. The word didn't feel like an insult.

“Still don't know why you'd want to hear my opinion on the subject, but if someone you hate thinks so highly of you, you can't possibly think the others would disagree, right?” Keith asked, with a small laugh.

“I've never hated you.” The words were out of Lance's mouth before he thought about them. “Honestly, your opinion probably matters... the most, to me.”

Keith was completely at a loss. “What...?”

Lance wouldn't look at him. “Because your name is what I've been measured against ever since the Garrison. Because you're the one person I've been trying to catch up to.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Because... because if I can be on the same level as someone so talented, and smart, and strong, and brave... then I can't be that bad, right?”

“Lance—”

“And I know it's stupid,” Lance waved him off. “I know I should've told you guys, that we aren't supposed to keep secrets. And I feel terrible about it! And I knew that none of you would ever be against it, but... I was still scared, you know, and I just didn't want you to see me differently!"

Keith drew in a slow, steady breath. “I'm gay?” He didn't mean for it to come out as a question.

Lance fell off the bed.

Keith couldn't help it— he burst into laughter as the other stared up at him in shock.

“Jesus christ Keith, you can't just spring that on me out of the blue! What the hell?!” Lance had a hand pressed to his chest, as if the news had nearly made him have a heart attack.

Keith composed himself long enough to reply. “Shiro's the only other person who knows. So no, don't feel bad about keeping it a secret. We keep secrets from each other all the time. You weren't ready to tell us. And it sucks that the alien kind of ruined it, but now we know, and you know there was no reason to be scared.”

Lance smirked, and Keith felt his heart warm. This is the Lance he knew. “You better not be trying to one up my secret.”

“Wha— no, Lance, I was just trying to show you that—”

“Because I'm bi!” Lance declared at the top of his lungs, standing up and planting his hands on his hips. “So, ha! Beat that!”

“I'm literally an alien.”

Lance dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Wasn't today, doesn't count. I appreciate you confiding in me, but if you think you can steal my secret thunder, then you've got another thing coming.”

“Your secret thunder?”

Lance nodded, still grinning. At least Keith had managed to cheer him up, but this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.

“Admit it. I'm the king of keeping secrets.”

Keith wanted to mention that he couldn't be the king of keeping secrets by one-upping everything he told him, but he figured that the Cuban boy wouldn't care. So, instead, Keith wracked his brain for a secret. With anyone else, he would've dropped the subject, but this was Lance.

“I think I might be in love with you?” Keith offered, holding his breath.

He regretted saying it the second it came out of his mouth. Lance's smile instantly disappeared.

“You...?” He trailed off, and Keith stood, starting for the door with an apology on his lips.

But he never reached it.

Because Lance grabbed his arm, yanked him back towards him, and then... they were kissing.

Lance was kissing him.

Keith knew that he and the others had made fun of Lance's flirting numerous times, saying he'd probably never even kissed anyone before. But it was clear that he knew exactly what he was doing.

When they broke apart, Keith was gasping for breath. Lance was smirking at him, a faint blush across his cheeks.

“I still win,” he declared, in a barely audible whisper.

Keith immediately shoved Lance away. “Oh my god, I hate you.”

Lance just kept on grinning. “Oh, really? Cause earlier I could've sworn you said—”

“Just... just... shut up and kiss me!” Keith's voice was practically a shout. He didn't care.

Lance laughed, but he wasn't slow to oblige.

[michin--yeoja]

Hi again ^^ Sorry I'm still anon and haven't been responding. I got hit with a huge wave of work and have barely slept the last few days. But it's all over now and I'll get your gift to you soon!! Biotech is essentially trying to make a biological product! It's a huge field so there's a lot of things from like pharmaceuticals, cell therapy, to things like bio-remediation and environmental stuff. Your genetics teacher might be thinking about bioinformatics which is biotech and a lot of coding XD

But good luck with applying to med school! If that’s your dream there are always ways to make it work! I believe in you ^^ Oh I’m from around the New England area. I did my undergrad in New Jersey and now I’m doing my master’s in Rhode Island. Yes I studied in Stockholm! I traveled to the more touristy areas of Europe because I’ve never been to Europe, but I really wanna just take a backpacking trip around one day. There’s so many different places to go TT And so much foooooood      

I have been to Taiwan a few times! It’s been a while though. Most of my mom’s side of the family is back there, but my dad’s side of the family is in the US. I have a younger sister! Haha I know what you mean about being asked where you’re from though. When I was abroad I’d get asked where I’m from and I’d say the US, but then one person was like “but where are you REALLY from”. Honestly I also feel pretty out of touch with Taiwanese culture even though I have some habits. I really feel American       

I saw True Love but I haven’t had time to hear the whole thing! That’s my weekend goal. But I believe City of Angels (lol laser) was the one he sang at the fanmeet so I’m already in love with that one. So good TT And he wrote that one himself

It was only Myung in the Winter Olympics one! It’s understandable though, there were so many groups in the summer competition one and Infinite was a little neglected imo. But they still managed to get me with hamster gyu and like 5 seconds of Destiny lol. Actually MBLAQ was in this ep too! Lee Joon and Kwangsoo make the most amazing combo ever omg. I def miss the name tag eliminations though. They hardly do them anymore. I really liked the time period when they did creative versions of the game.   

Ohhhh I think I’ve heard of MBLAQ Goes to School. I should look into it haha. I’m always up for a laugh. Sesame player was amazing. Lol and those pranks XD I remember (I think it was Dongwoo) was like “when did this become a prank house” after that salt prank and I’m like lol only infinite. Can’t even safely eat food in their own home. These dorks.       

Ahhh tell me was so good. I like Infinie’s old style of music but I like this kind of softer edm music too. It’s like the stuff I usually like to listen to lol. Idk if that was a good description of the song but that’s kinda how I see it lol. And Sunggyu and Dongwoo were so good that comeback. Like that second verse was a Donggyu attack. I don’t know if I have a favorite concept from them really? They kind of have everything for every mood. But I have a running play list of their upbeat music.     

The stuff like Julia, Amazing, Lately, etc. I keep that playlist around when I’m having a hard time studying and stuff. It brightens my mood. As for english songs I kinda just….turn on the radio and find something I like haha. I don’t really have a preference with those. Ahhh I feel like I did a really bad job of getting to know you, I always just talk about myself haha. Tell me 5 random things that make you like or make you happy that you haven’t talked about!

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for taking forever and an age to reply back to you!!! I’m so sorry, and I don’t even have a good excuse like being busy with work, it’s just honest to goodness pure laziness on my part and not going on my laptop for forever. I hope you haven’t forgotten me and that you’ll reveal yourself!!

I hope you haven’t gotten busy again (you’re graduating this year right?). What are you focusing on in biotech? And I think you may be right about my professor meaning bioinformatics… I vaguely remember that term ^^;

You’ve certainly hopped around during your university years ^^ What countries did you visit in Europe? My parents surprised me by sending me to the UK for 2 weeks after my exams to join my sister there… It was amazing and I’ve always wanted to go there, but we ran out of time to hit everything we wanted to do. We couldn’t go to Ireland, which was my biggest disappointment. What is your most favourite memory from exchange? And what place did you like best?

I actually feel like a complete stranger… I don’t feel Canadian, Singaporean or Indian. I don’t really fit in any place completely, I’m a bit too traditional in Canada, too modern in India and Singapore… Well, I’m not exposed to the culture at all really. Funny thing… Singapore used to be not as well known when I was younger and I remember a kid trying to convince me it was part of the US. Even now, some people think it’s in India. The funniest is actually when I met Chinese international students, so many think that Singapore has only people of Chinese descent. When I explained that my dad’s family is from there and my mother from India, they thought my dad was Chinese.

What’s this whole City of Angels/Laser thing? I’ve seen mention of it, but I don’t get it… Did Sunggyu think the song was called Laser? (This shows up much I keep up with them, except for their music ^^;). You must have heard the album by now… So what’s your favourite? (Also, I didn’t know Sunggyu wrote that… Good to know and it makes me love it even more!)

Um… I think I started giffing around 2013 ish? Then I stopped while in uni, in fact my blog was basically inactive, and only just recently started fooling around on Photoshop again. I was quite atrocious in the beginning and am much fonder of my new stuff. But… I’m also quite lazy so I tend to not gif as much as I want to.

I 100% recommend MBLAQ goes to school. Joon and Mir are such jokesters. Sesame Player is still my favourite variety show to watch, all that screaming and backstabbing… And Sungyeol? He’s just too awesome. I would never have thought of injecting vinegar into bananas the way he did, that was a true genius move. Myungsoo’s, that was predictable, but that banana prank was just first class.

Do you prefer their upbeat songs more or is that just better to run to? My favourite upbeat song is Cover Girl… Have you heard the concert version where Sungyeol raps? I wish he would get a chance to do that in their songs, I think he raps pretty well.

I think we got to know each other pretty well? In fact, I too often think I wrote too much about myself.

5 things I like/make me happy… Hmm…

1. Being with my family - yes, we fight a lot, but we’re also really close and really stupid… My mother is crazy, my father is bullied… They’re what I missed most in uni.

2. I love airports/airplanes! As a child, I used to wish I could live in one ^^

3. Good books and movies… I love reading, but it’s so rare for me to find writing and plot that suits my taste. When I do, I devour the author’s entire works.

4. This is dorky… But I love learning ^^ Maybe it has to do with feeling smart? I love watching Jeopardy, especially if I get the answers right, but also to learn new facts.

5. I love puns… I quite literally cry with laughing over some of them.

Also, last post, but I saw your rant and I hope you’re feeling better :( I get the being introverted thing too. I’m pretty reserved and I like my alone time–there’s nothing wrong with it! I’m sorry you had to listen to all of it TT Please be happy!

Thank you for this! Ahh… Tumblr is my place to rant, but I tend to get over my anger quickly.                 

[vskpop]

October 2017 ⋅ Who the hell are you?

W, Here – NU’EST W

If there’s something that I have to thank Produce 101 for, is that it finally opened my eyes to Nu’est. I regret not paying any attention to them earlier, and even looking back I realise that I liked all their songs, but never really had any interest in the group itself.

Since their debut, Nu’est have been doing stuff that was basically avantgarde in terms of k-pop; now that electronic/EDM inspired pop has reached Korea, they can keep doing what they’ve always done and still sound better than everyone else.

Their title track Where You At is completely faithful to what their style has been so far; it’s EDM, but it somehow feels more refined than a lot of stuff that’s been put out recently. There’s a very trendy drop, but it’s announced by Dongho’s explosive vocals. There is a rap break, but it isn’t completely disjointed from the song.

While I wasn’t expecting that most of the album tracks would be solo songs, I do think that this is the best time for them to experiment: they were on the brink of disbanding, so anything that happens between now and contract renewal (and Minhyun’s return, hopefully) is a chance to test themselves and prepare for what they will do when they are back as 5. It’s also true that each of them can absolutely hold his own as a solo singer, which is not true of every group.

7 for 7 – GOT7

I’m going to quote my March 2017 self:

I never felt like GOT7 had a clear identity, but listening to their singles up to Fly, there is a faint thread that was completely cut with Hard Carry (the wooooorst) and hasn’t been picked up with Never Ever.

As of October 2017, I think GOT7 are back on track: with 7 for 7 and lead single You Are, I feel like they’ve finally gone back to their “romantic universe” concept, which is what has suited them best right from the beginning.

I was hoping this would happen ever since JYP’s new boy group, temporarily called Stray Kids, was announced. They seem to have been assigned the iKON/BTS image, leaving GOT7 free to shed their Never Ever grimy concept and go back to what they do best.

While previous songs relied heavily on GOT7’s not-so-amazing rappers, You Are features their super talented singers – not a complete surprise, after JJ Project had done so well this summer. The EDM elements of their previous releases are still there, but the vocalists really make the song special; I never stop being surprised by how lovely Youngjae’s part in the chorus is.

Of course I’m happy that the singers get to shine because that’s my personal taste, but it’s worth noting that this completes the shift of Jackson and Bambam from the most prominent members of the group to background figures. The difference between their presence in the Fly and the You Are performances is stark.

This bizarre dynamic – the members who caused trouble shoved in the back and the popular members thrown at the front – in the context of an album that is literally called 7 for 7, and the rhetoric of them being a 7-member group being very much reinforced.

I’m quite wary of this language being used at a time where the group is quite fragmented – there was a point a few months ago in which the members were spread over four countries when they were supposedly preparing two comebacks. Instead of feeling reassuring, it suggests that the situation is not quite as stable as it should be.

As far as I’m concerned, GOT7 have found their sound (again) and I would be more than happy for them to continue on this path. I’m curious to see if they will manage to stick to it for two comebacks in a row, and if it’s really true that #OT7 is forever.

Move – Taemin

If I had more time and more of a willingness to be disappointed by SM Entertainment, I would look into what was cut from the subpar video for Move, the title track of an otherwise perfect comeback. There isn’t a single bad song in this album. The aesthetics and styling are wonderful. The choreography for Move is the sexiest thing to have been performed by a man on a k-pop show this year.

K-pop either does big bangers or big ballads, but Taemin needs neither. The 80’s synth works perfectly with his breathy, sexy vocals. Move doesn’t exist in a completely different universe to last year’s Press Your Number, which had different 80’s elements, but it’s still something new and unique in the k-pop panorama.

While every single song on this album would be worth mentioning, I’m always struck by how much emotion he manages to put in his ballads. He could be talking about socks, and Rise would still make me cry for three hours.

I will be endlessly impressed with Taemin, who could have had nothing at this point if it was for SM (not the greatest at growing talents, sorry not sorry), and instead has managed to find an image for himself and to grow as a true artist. I hope he keeps it up for a long time.

Twicetagram – TWICE

It turns out that I’d rather hate Twice’s songs: at least I can pretend they don’t exist. When I find them catchy, which is the case for Likey, I am destined to suffer because of the absolutely revolting lyrics.

“In that small screen / I want to look the prettiest”

“Getting all dolled up / Is so annoying / But I can’t just be careless”

“I’m holding in my breath so I can zip up / Pulling it over my waist once more” “There are so many / Pretty clothes in this world”

I know that pop songs aren't that deep, and that this is not their first song with terrible lyrics, but it's shameful that a group as loved by young girls as Twice would push the idea that it's women's duty to look attractive to others (men, that is). This is one of the cases in which I’m kind of happy that my Korean is not that good, because I can just pretend that they’re not being absolutely idiotic and enjoy the song on my commute.

This is one of their better comebacks as far as I’m concerned: they all get to properly dance after Momo’s break, they aren’t dressed like schoolchildren, there is some actual singing from members that never made a sound before.

On the upside, while they still have zero production credits, many of the members got to write lyrics for the album tracks, which is more than many other girl groups ever get to do. Even the Wonder Girls members only had a handful of lyrics credits until the group was on the verge of disbandment and had to write their own songs. I love 24/7, Rollin’ and Don’t Give Up.

RAPID FIRE ROUND

Max & Match – LOONA Odd Eye Circle

I don’t know why it’s been so exhausting to follow Odd Eye Circle. I found Girl Front a bit too cute for what I was expecting, but on the other hand the choreography for repackage single Sweet Crazy Love is a bit too sexy for Choerry (who is only 16). While I love the song this time around, and I do think they look incredible in the video, I’m just looking forward to moving onto the next batch of girls and not have to question the concept of OEC anymore.

Fantasy – JBJ

With JBJ, basically all my Produce 101 favourites who didn’t make it into Wanna One have debuted in one form or the other. The song and the costuming have a very old school k-pop flavour, which is an interesting choice in a context where the trendiest post-Produce group wins (hi and bye, Rainz). I’m especially glad to see model-turned-idol Hyunbin onstage, because now YG will be forced to put him in the next boy group (muhahahahhah). I also live for Taehyun’s dancing and Sanggyun’s face rapping, so following them has been an absolute delight.

Knights of the Sun – SF9

I low key wanted to hate SF9’s O Sole Mio because Italy has nothing to do with the Latin sounds and “te quiero”, but my brain has been mushed by Despacito and anything by CNCO, so I was totally endeared by SF9 using their shirts as muletas and those random guitar interludes. I’m also not sure if someone thought that “Latin sounds” referred to actual Latin, because the phrase “ego dormio” is repeated several times in the song and friends, that’s the dead language, not the Enrique Iglesias genre.

It has to be said that all their albums have been excellent so far (I was obsessed with Breaking Sensation earlier in the year) and Knights of the Sun, despite not really sticking to the Latin theme, has some really good songs in it, like falsetto extravaganza Just On My Way.  

Hallelujah – Jimin (AOA)

I don’t even know how to justify this. Jimin’s voice is as grating as ever, and I love it as much as I always do. There is nothing that should bring together her squeaking, the pseudo-reggaeton, the signature “HEY HEY HEY HEY”, and the Christian hook that has nothing to do with the rest of the lyrics. This song makes no sense, but I’ve been listening to it constantly. What the hell are you, babe, hallelujah.

MORE SONGS OF NOTE

The whole of Epik High’s We’ve Done Something Wonderful Red Lie – BTOB Callin’ – ACE Pinwheel – Seventeen (more on this next month) Good Night – DIA I Wander – HA:TFELT When You Love Someone – DAY6

STRAYS

Monsta X Shownu and Jooheon dancing to Ariana Grande’s Side to Side, because why not.

I love, love, love, Twice’s Japanese single One More Time.

[lubdubsworld]

Under my Skin. ( Namjoon/Oc) (Yoongi/OC)

Author’s note : i would like to apologize for the completely unoriginal titles. i clearly suck at naming my fics, smh. 

Chapter 3 

“this is weird.” I say softly, propped up against the headboard of the bed, the thin white sheets covering me up, shoulders bare and stinging a bit from the cold air. Yoongi is lying on the opposite end of the bed, leaning back on huge pillows, my camera grasped firmly between long ivory white fingers as he snaps away a few pictures. He’s shirtless, chest bare and starkly white against the sheets, bed cover hanging lazily off his sharp hip bones. He’s all smooth skin and lean muscle, skin faintly flushed and sweaty. 

After a nice dinner, we had spent the night walking across the skywalk, while i snapped off some truly spectacular photos of the Seoul skyline. I realized during the course that Yoongi was a lot like me, laidback, casual and an easy going guy. 

“You have some amazing post-coital glow thing going on, seems a shame not to record it.” He says, going back to check the pictures. I’m pretty certain at least a few of those pics have nipple-slips. I make a mental note to delete them before my roommate accidentally saw them. 

“For posterity?” I grin. 

“For posterity.” His gummy smile is blinding, displaying sparkling white teeth and the whole thing is just unfairly adorable. 

  i shake my head and fumble for the bra that’s hanging off the lamp shade and his hand shoots out, gripping my wrist. 

“Don’t. You’re pretty this way.” He protests and I tug my hand away. 

“I’m cold.” I mutter in protest and he sits up, the camera placed to the side, forgotten already. I smile as he crawls over, drawing me in till I was cradled against him. 

“I’ll warm you up.” His lips pressed briwfly against my ears and I sigh. 

“What am i even doing here? “

“Having bomb sex and playful banter? Why’re you complaining?”

“Because, you’re an idol  . This is stupid. whatever this is, it’s reckless and dangerous. ” I shake my head. 

“It’s too soon to think that far , come on. It’s just... you’re really pretty and you’re intelligent. And I love Photography and honeslty it’s like all my favorite things in a girl and I feel like letting you get away would be like, the worst mistake of my life.”

“That’s oddly creepy but very sweet.” I laugh, burrowing closer to the warmth of his body. 

“Tell me more about you. Where’s home?” He says curiously and i hesitate. 

“Busan...” I say softly. 

“When did you come to Seoul?” he asks. 

“When I was fifteen. I got a scholarship to the School of Performing Arts. And then after High School, another Scholarship to the Seoul university. i got into the photography department three years ago. I’m in my final year. Working on my thesis and hopefully I’ll land a nice job by the time i get out...”

“Parents?” He lightly stroked back my hair. 

“Dead.” I say shortly. 

He doesn’t reply, just hums. 

“SO how did this happen? How does a photographer suddenly start taking fancams.” 

“Beats having to work in a supermarket. “ I say drily. “ Mostly because it pays and i get some experience too. i mean, i know I can’t actively build a portfolio on what I do, it’s all copyrighted stuff after all but, I’ve learned a lot. Lightings, angles how to make the subject look good. It’s a learning process.I don’t see it as anything different from one of the classes I take in college and i work just as hard. ” 

“Am I too?” He says curiously. 

“Are you what?”

“A course you’re taking and working hard at? ” He grins. 

“Something like that....You’re just... an interesting elective that i’ve taken up for fun.” 

He laughs at that. i hesitate a bit before turning over. 

“What about you?” 

“I came here when I was eighteen. No scholarship though. Came on my own bucks. Ended up sleeping on the pavement some nights but.. yeah, was worth it at the end I guess.” 

I swallow. 

“you should be pretty fucking proud of what you got done.” i say firmly. 

He shrugs

“It’s just luck, most of it. The right people at the right time. Mostly it’s about grabbing on to opportunities when they come around. “

“And the right people.” He adds. “ I’m nothing without my bandmates. I’d die for them. Especially Joon ah and Hoseok... ”  

I swallow. 

 Didn’t yoongi hyung pay you yet? You know you aren’t special right? 

“ Do you do this with a lot of girls?” i hate myself the moment the words were out. 

“Take them to bed? Sometimes. Take them to an expensive  hotel ? I’ve done it once or twice before.... Tell them about my life story and take naked pictures of... no. You’re the first. ” 

I feel worse. 

“Then why-”

“You’re honest. True to yourself. You know there’s a distinct lack of genuine people in the world. I like people who act the same with everyone. And i feel like you’re one of those people. “ 

I didn’t reply and he pulls me closer. 

“Besides, I think you’re good at what you do. I spoke to my PDnim ... you can give me your portfolio and maybe the next photoshoot you can sit in. If they like your work they’ll hire you as an assistant. At least it’ll be experience you can put on your resume. Don’t waste your time chasing idols. That’s not something a girl with your talent should be doing... ” He says seriously and i go still.

“what?” i stiffen , pulling away.

“ It’s just an opprtunity. i’m giving you an opprtunity. Don’t overthink it. “ His voice is awkward and a little annoyed and i try to still my pounding heart. 

In the end, it’s not really an option. i’m not an idiot. An opportunity like that is invaluable.  I promise to send him my portfolio and he agrees to call me once he talks to his boss. 

“I’m busy the next few months. Our Comeback is next month. October 12... I’ll get you free passes for the stage, if you promise to come without your camera.” 

I laugh. 

“i get passes anyway. and sorry , i don’t go  anywhere  without my camera” 

~~~~~~~~

“ I need just 100 dollars! What fucking use is a scholarship if you can’t give your old man , 100 dollars?” My father is gripping the edge of the couch with blue veined fingers, the inside of his wrist and elbows littered with needle marks and he has that feverish look in his face that i’ve come to associate with hurled abuses, broken glasses and bruises that couldn’t be hidden with make-up. 

“i didn’t get paid yet. I still don’t have a job, you know that.” I grit out impatiently. My landlord hates me. She’s in her early thirties and she once tried to make me sneak her into the backstage of a BTS concert because she ‘ wanted to find Jung kook. Aside from the fact that Jung kook is a baby( barely legal) my neighbour was beyond creepy. I’d yelled at her to stop being a pervert and to find someone her own age. 

In return, anytime my father came around to visit, the stupid woman let him into my apartment. 

“You’re shitting me. Gimme that stupid camera then, if you’re not making money off it. I’ll at least sell that piece of crap and buy myself some stash.” 

I clench my fists. This was tiring. I had classes in an hour. i grab my purse and get the money i got for my last assignment. i count it out carefully, keeping just twenty dollars for the food this week. There was a GOT7 comeback and an ASTRO stage as well. They would pay less but maybe if i took on a couple more (  but you have two papers to turn it, fuck..) I’d be able to make rent this month. 

 “ i have forty dollars. That’s all i have. Take it and leave.” I snap, grabbing the cash and thrusting it in his face. 

My father stares at me with a seedy look in his eyes. 

“I’ll be back for the rest , later this week.” He says, snatching the money out of my hands and stalking out. 

I watch him leave and sigh, dropping my head into my hands. 

There went six hours of shivering in the cold and making Min Yoongi look good. 

~~~~~~~~~

The next three weeks were a frantic mess of shows and concerts, lots of bruises from being jostled in crowds , finishing two papers and finally finding a muse from the fashion department to pose for my piece on Extravagance. Now all i had was my final paper to turn in and i would be done for this semester. The last semester would be my finalk thesis presentation and ?I would be done with college. 

And honestly, it was the thought of getting it over with, that kept me going. i was busy all day and Min Yoongi almost completely slipped out of my mind ( except when i occasionally felt too stressed out and took that snow globe out of the closet and stared at it . i couldn’t help it, because that trip to Florence had been one of the best times in my life. ) 

As October came around with  rainfall and winds, my boss told me that i would have to go for the BTS comeback stage at M! Countdown. He’d managed to get a special press pass for me and I was beyond flattered that he’d actually given me and actual journalitsic work. This wasn’t just recording. i could get pictures backstage for the offical article. This was actually something i could put on my resume. 

I quickly, nod, grinning ear to ear when he drops the bombshell. 

“ You’ll be focusing on Namjoon, this time.” 

i freeze in place. 

“what?”

“Kim Namjoon. He’s the leader. He’s the one our journalist will be interviewing backstage. JJ will ask the questions and you’ll just have to take a few snaps. it’s easy work. “ 

“The fancam..”

“That too. Because you’ll be busy backstage, i’ve asked other kids to cover the fancams. You can just watch the concert. No need to film. “ 

I nod wordlessly. 

I was screwed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim Namjoon still hates me. 

That much is obvious, as i stand to a corner of the stage, clutching my camera while JJ took notes next to me. The screaming is unbelievable and as the rest of them do their soundcheck, I try to ignore the way Namjoon keeps tossing glances at me. Yoongi gives me one subtle wink and a small pouty kiss that send the fans into a frenzy and ignores me completely afterwards. Or So I assume. i’m too busy trying not to spontaneously combust from the heat of Namjoon’s gaze. 

In the seductive lighting , with his perfect make up and insanely well fit clothes he looks like something straight out of a Grimm’s brother’s fairytale. A wayward prince . I can’t believe how utterly sinful their attire is, expensive jackets and in Namjoon’s case, a poet shirt with a firm black waist band and ruffled lace in the front. His hair is off his forehead and his legs look like they’re a few miles long at least. His pants are skin tight and tailored to perfectly fit his thighs and his calf muscles and honestly, there’s nothing more disconcerting than the way his dimples keep peeking out at sudden intervals. 

I’ve never been happier about not filming. My brain is turning to mush. 

But as the first strains of the music start, i can’t help turning my camera on, simply because i felt naked without it. It’s easier, safer to look at him from behind the lens of my trusty friend. I grip it harder and it’s better , through the lens he’s just another subject. Someone to record. 

focus. Lighting. Angles. Posture. Learning Process.

Except the only thing i could learn was that his legs were too long, his waist so mouth-wateringly lean and everytime his palm moved over his waist and caressed his crotch, I felt like dying. 

But really, why were they grabbing their crotch?!

 the worst part was, Namjoon kept glancing at me, and each time he did , i felt my throat constrict. He moved sharply and i realized that he wasn’t even a bad dancer. He was just too tall and too.. manly . Namjoon would look so much better in a suit in a board room , gripping a glass of scotch and playing God. 

The choreo was brutal , and by the time they were done with all three songs, the boys ( men really ) wwere sweaty and tired. Me on the other hand, I was completely zoned out. My breath came in stark pants and it felt like there was cotton wool in my lungs and I felt disgusted, my shirt sticking to my skin and the hair at my nape dripping with sweat. 

i feel saturated with feelings of inadequacy, like i’m doing something wrong and it feels a bit like I’m going to overflow, like all these miserable feelings are going to spill out of me and make a mess on the dirty floor . I choke on air as I grip JJ’s sleeve, letting her lead me to the backstage door. 

“Hello. Nice to meet you, Rapmon ssi..” JJ shakes hands and bows and I just stand there, too stunned to react. 

But he does it for me. 

“Hello, Ae Rin.” He says, voice low and polite and so respectful, not at all the rough angry tone I’d heard the last time. He sounds amazing. Whisky smooth and attractive. 

 My name. How did he know my name?

“ So about this comeback..”Jj began her questions and I pulled the camera up, trying to get the right angle. The first two clicks are easy. And then he glances at me and my mind comes undone like a ball of wool in the hands of a kitten. I stare stupidly , wondering how his stare was all it took to unravel me. What the hell’s happening? 

i drop my gaze to the camera and review the pictures, frowning when I notice the smudged lipstick in the pics. I look back up and it’s there , on the corner of his lips.

“You’ve got...” I stop, picking at my own lips to try and tell him that his gloss was smudged, except all the gesture did was draw his gaze to my lips and the way he stares at my mouth... it’s not good. 

“Fix it..!! Come Here!” Jj hisses and pushes me in his direction and I stumble forward, stunned. Did I really have to ..

I slowly get down on my knees in front of him and my throat is parched. 

He stretches out, offering his face to my touch and I feel cross eyed, staring at him as my thumb presses against the plush softness of his lips. I swallow, audibly, loudly and his gaze slips to my throat, and I wipe at the smudge, once and then twice. When I do it again, in a trance, his tongue sneaks out, without any warning, tip brushing against my finger and I yank my hand back in shock. It’s enough to almost send me sprawling and his hand shoots out , fast, gripping my wrist firmly. He pulls me back up and I topple over, my palm landing on his thigh and my fingers curling on the lean muscle of his leg without conscious thought. 

“I’m sorry about the last time. i was out of line.” His words catch me off guard and i feel like I’m sinking and the sensation is so foreign and unexpected. His thigh feels firm beneath my fingers and his grip on my wrist is hot and firm and oddly grounding.  I wonder what it would be like to have those long , firm fingers on other parts of me and a whimper bubbles out before i can smother it. 

Namjoon looks even better upclose and there’s something unreadable in the way he looks at me. His gaze is heavy and fond, affectionate and curious and almost sad. I feel like i’m drowning and I have to tamp down the urge to press my palms against his face and slot my lips over his. To climb on his lap and just kiss him senseless. 

But he’s sitting with JJ and I’m kneeling on the floor in front of him, the camera forgotten, my hands on his thighs and this is not how this is supposed to go at all.

“I.. it’s.. fine. I’ll just go.” I stumble back and stand up. 

My legs feel weak, my heart feels battered and my mind is still on stand by. I go through the rest of the interview like a zombie, my brain complete mush. When he finally leaves, JJ gives me a look that is part disbelief, part annoyance. 

“God, why didn’t you tell him you had a crush on him?! i mean could you be more obvious...” 

I shut her out, my mind running in circles. 

I didn’t have a crush on him. I was sleeping 9 or had slept 0 with his best friend. 

I didn’t. 

I  couldn’t. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE : Oh wow, this just took me back to college when i had this super huge crush on an older guy.i would literally start tapdancing when i saw him, hahaha... Thank fully he never knew...  kekekeke... 

What do you guys think? 

[v-le]

Kmusic: My Decade-Long Journey with Kpop

Foreword: I had been working on this post for a few weeks now, in between university and everything else. In the middle of its composition, Kim Jonghyun of SHINee passed away and shocked the world. I, too, was appalled, and I don’t think I will ever properly recover from his death. I want to dedicate this post to him. This story is about how kpop has grown with me in life. This story defines everything I have ever thought or felt about kpop and that now, very much includes Jonghyun’s passing. 수고했어, 종현아.

Book 1

I can’t really recall it, but the very first kpop song I’ve ever listened to was either “Nobody” by Wonder Girls, “Genie” by SNSD, or “Gee” by SNSD. I was about seven years old around then. My cousin had shown my sister these songs and she, too, quickly got swept into the music. For the first years of this exposure, I had heard a myriad of songs ranging from Super Junior’s “Sorry Sorry”, SHINee’s “Replay” & “Ring Ding Dong” & “Lucifer”, Taeyang’s “Wedding Dress”, Big Bang’s “Gara Gara Go”, Infinite’s “BTD” & “She’s Back”, 2NE1’s “Fire” and many many manyyyy more. These songs would waft out of my sister’s speakers whenever I was using my computer next to her’s in the computer room. And during those first years, I flat out hated these songs. I didn’t understand anything they were saying. They sounded obnoxious. And these boys that my sister was obsessed with weren’t even that good looking. I can recall that she was specifically infatuated with Donghae of SJ during that time. I can also recall going as far as to mock some of these songs, especially “She’s Back” by repeating “cheese pack” in an annoying tone back to her. Despite my detest for kpop during these several years, I unknowingly picked up a lot of knowledge on it. I could name many groups and recognize many of their songs, all from the fact that my sister played so much of it and I had seen her computer screen many times. Nonetheless, I complained to my mom, that I didn’t understand why she listened to that stuff when she couldn’t even understand it. My mom had told me that it was totally fine, it’s simply about the beat of the music, and that you didn’t have to understand it to like it. I remember feeling a little upset because she defended my sister. All in all, during these years of premature kpop exposure, I was petty, unrelenting, and simply immature. I didn’t like kpop.

Book 2

I remember for some reason, reasons unknown, one day when I was at my friend’s house in 5th grade, I decided to show my friends “Ring Ding Dong” for fun. I remember a few days before that, I had watched the “Wedding Dress” MV for the first time on my own and I cried, too. During these next months, my pettiness towards kpop began to dampen and I started to get pretty good at recognizing groups and songs, and maybe even some faces. The only issue was that I tried immensely hard, as if my life depended on it, to not let my sister see what I was up to. I knew that I would receive massive backlash from her, for being such a hypocrite. So throughout 5th grade and a little bit of 6th, I started to dip my toes in a little, into the infinitely large pool that is kpop. I slowly and secretly, grew minuscule fondness for some songs, but not enough to want to add them to my music library. I kinda liked kpop.

Book 3

In the early days of middle school, a really good friend of mine loved Super Junior to death. Another friend of mine listened to some kpop, but only a little bit here and there. One day they showed me a song from LEDApple and I can officially say that they were the first group I completely fell for. LEDApple had such a different, dynamic and unique vibe to them, that I almost felt like I had triumphed over my sister. I had found and enjoyed a group that she probably did not know at all, and their music was actually really really really good. Personal favorites include “Time’s Up” and “Someone Met By Chance”. Much later, they released “Sadness” and I was even happier with that song. I quickly learned the names of all the members and I considered them my favorite group of all time. LEDApple was my introduction into this “fangirling” gig that kpoppers lowkey highkey have to keep up with. With LEDApple, I learned:

How to memorize members

That MV meant “music video”

How to watch every single video of them that existed on youtube (although for them, it was minimal because they were so unknown)

That subbers were a thing, and for specific groups, too

How to watch variety shows of them

How to memorize birthdays

That Koreans have a different age system than internationally

That they wear excessive makeup

And much, much, much more

I would consider LEDApple to be my “first” for everything. I really did cherish them as a group, along with their music, and I slowly learned the do’s and dont’s of kpop during this phase. More than LEDApple though, I quickly became even more aware of more groups and songs, and I started to favor some more than others too. I liked kpop.

Book 4

My love for LEDApple started to dwindle as I discovered and started to really like more groups like MBLAQ, Big Bang, SHINee, SNSD, B.A.P, B1A4 and especially Infinite. I completely fell for Infinite as I listened to songs like “Paradise”, “Be Mine”, and “Can U Smile”. And yes, as I listened to more of their discography, I recognized some songs as the ones my sister had played in the past as well. Then, they released the Chaser and it was game set from there. I remember searching up Infinite’s profiles, comparing the images with their MVs and matching their names with their faces. I remember when I first saw Woohyun in Be Mine, I thought that he looked like Harry Shum Jr. AHAH how wrong I was….  I also remember struggling a little bit because the profile pictures I used were from their debut, with their slicked back hair and white button shirts and suspenders :’). Soon enough, I became very familiar with everything Infinite-related and I eventually claimed them to be my favorite group of all time (and to this day, they have remained as so). I really liked kpop.

Book 5

This book becomes a little hard to explain, simply because I feel like my emotions seemed to be mundane externally, but inside, I know that they were deep with a sort of affection that words can never fully explain. My love for Infinite was immense, driven, and completely pure. I did not have a favorite member, because no really, I just couldn’t choose one. All their songs were absolutely amazing; Infinite taught me how to fall in love with even the non-title track songs. Their entire discography is the only discography of any artists that I know like the back of my hand. Their choreography was always on point; they prided in being 99.9% synchronized with knife-like moves. I really, truly thought that they were all handsome in their own, unique way. Their personalities were genuine and interactions were always hilarious and the brotherhood between the boys ran as deep as blood. Their early days were the brightest ones that I can recall, and I am so grateful to have watched them develop since. They were extremely relevant within the industry, and “The Chaser” lifted them to even newer heights. I clearly remember their 2nd anniversary as well. I remember thinking to myself, that they were “SO YOUNG!!”, with Sungjong being just 18 years old at that time (which is exactly how old I am now, YIKES). Awaiting a comeback after The Chaser era was definitely an eventful one because I was so expectant and excited and it was the first (of many) that I experienced as a full-fledged fan. It took them nearly a year, but they eventually returned with “Man in Love”, and then “Destiny” immediately afterwards, and then on November 11th, 2013, I had the miraculous blessing to see them live in concert. It was my first concert ever and it was during their first world tour, as mere 3-year idols. 2013 was a year of big feats for Infinite and it all really was just a blessing. A mere five months later, I would again, see them, at the LA Kpop Festival on April 12th, 2014. Boy, was it a time to be alive as an Inspirit.  During these few years, everything I did, in my life, really did revolve around them. My school projects, artwork, everything, had to relate to Infinite somehow. I made poems about them, I had collected a total of 24 posters of them on my wall, and I had also racked up physical copies of their albums, my first one being Infinitize on July 29th of 2012. When they posted fan events like the Infinite Love Letter Contest, and when the members used Google+ and when every little thing happened, I was there, and I was supporting them endlessly. As I transitioned into high school, Infinite released more and more things, and my love for them never dwindled, even for a second. When I went through rough times, in all the ways imaginable, Infinite was always there. In the beginning, I had made folders for photos of each member, otps, and the complete group on my computer. I even named the OT7 pictures folder “What I Live For ~”. My passwords all had to do with Infinite. I named all my devices like my computer and such “IFNT7”. The phrase “My love is Infinite” was my favorite of all time. Just the sight of some colors translated into Infinite to me. Every. Little. Thing. My heart belonged to Infinite more than ever. I loved and cherished them, and still do (but maybe not as blatantly), with a burning passion. And not just them, but I really did like other groups like ZE:A and T-ARA to name a few, during these times, but Infinite truly meant the world to me. I loved kpop, especially Infinite.

Book 6

During those fangirl days, I was not completely blinded by love to a point where I was oblivious to the future; rather, I was apprehensive in a way in which I knew that when I got “older”, I “wouldn’t love them as much”. I didn’t doubt that I wouldn’t stop listening to kpop, but I knew that i couldn’t be a diehard fangirl forever. And so, around 2015 ish is when school started to kick my butt, and i really did completely disconnect. Disclaimer though: I was still endlessly thankful for and in love with Infinite. I was so proud of them no matter what, and I supported them from the sidelines with a burning heart. In fact, despite the fact that the amount of attention I dedicated to them decreased, my love for them grew nonetheless. I was so so so thankful that they were just alive, whole, and still doing music. Together. However, I was physically and mentally incapable of keeping up to date with everything, not only Infinite-related, but kpop-related, during that time. I had realized that this was probably time to prioritize things in my life, and not feel so obliged to the whole kpop thing anymore. And so, with Infinite, I tried my best, but of course I did not try hard enough. I did enough to keep up with kpop releases and such, but that was about it. I had no time for shows and small activities and interviews, and all the things that I was an expert on in the past. I no longer had time to check thru all the infinite tumblr blogs I had bookmarked. Instead, I began to turn to the simpler things, as in the music. I realized that if there was one thing that was worthy of putting effort into, it was the music. I began to only care about the music that the kpop industry was churning out. And let me just say, that during this time was probably the beginning of the death of 2nd generation kpop as well. I started to dislike the style of music that Kpop was turning towards, and I noticed how saturated it was with random groups that couldn’t even leave a mark. I also noticed its immense rise in overall popularity: Kpop was becoming more and more mainstream at a rapid rate, and I was having none of it. Instead, I began to venture into k-indie, acoustic, soul, and simply put, healing songs. I turned to artists like Eddy Kim, Davichi, Baek Jiyoung, Kim Feel, Echae En Route, Roy Kim (one my truest loves), Ggotjam Project, Clazziquai Project, Urban Zakapa, Kassy, Fromm, and many, many, many more. I have had the blessing to watch these almost-nobody artists grow, release more music, gain a tad bit more recognition, and simply become even more amazing than they already were back when I discovered them at their early stages. (Sam Kim would debut later, in 2016, and blow me away as well. In fact, all the Antenna Angels). The music from these artists, kept me alive in a similar, yet different way, than Infinite had in years past. I didn’t need to know their faces or ages or personalities or honestly, anything, about them, to feel instantaneously better. These artists and their songs were healing, in a way where the only thing that truly mattered, was their voice.

A quick story about Kim Feel, who has come to be my all time favorite artist whom I would die for: I came across a song from Younha called 없어, and it blew me away. It was gorgeous. A hip hop duo, named Elupant featured in this song and I simply became aware of their name through this track. A few months later, Elupant would release the single Crater featuring. Kim Feel. I gave the song a chance because I vaguely knew of them, and I was once again, blown away. I did not know who this vocalist, Kim Feel, was, but I knew that he was indescribably amazing at singing, and something about his voice was just so different. For months, I wouldn’t even know what Kim Feel looked like. I barely knew that he was a singer because I had only seen his name from that one song, and his WIkipedia page didn’t even exist at that time. Then, in mid-June of 2015, I saw somewhere on Facebook that Kim Feel was releasing his first mini album, and that’s when I finally got some decent exposure to him. I finally saw what he looked like, how he placed second on SSK5, and how he had released several singles here and there in the past. His mini album, Feel Free, was everything I didn’t know I wanted, and I loved it to death. Later, he would go on to perform on Immortal Songs 2 and literally make me cry ugly tears from just one performance. Kim Feel is an artist that I got to know and fall in love solely through his voice and music and nothing else. That is the true beauty about singer-songwriters. He is an absolutely amazing artist and has come to be my most cherished one. Unfortunately, he is currently serving in the army right now, but my soul will always belong to Kim Feel and his music.

I didn’t really like kpop anymore.

Book 7

I want this part of my story to simply be about my current thoughts on kpop, in this moment in time, over a decade after first being exposed to this entire culture. In this book, I will pick apart the sort of darker sides in the Korean pop music industry, which are easily overlooked amidst the fervor of fans and idols and flashing lights. This is a perspective that I have come to hone throughout years of observance and trials and growth, and simply maturing into an adult alongside the ever-changing industry itself. My view of kpop has come to change in a way in which I no longer support several aspects of it. There are simply things that go on within the industry that I want nothing to deal with. Things that I have may have enjoyed in the past are now things that I do not need in my life any longer. Please remember that kpop goes beyond music and idols. It is a lifestyle. For many people, it is a way of living about their daily lives: listening to their favorite group’s music, watching countless videos and shows of them, keeping up with their daily whereabouts and activities, knowing their birthdays and family members and personal details, and simply associating themselves with their favorite group in any way possible, as much as possible. For many kpop fans, it goes beyond liking a group’s music: it is liking their looks, personalities, habits, style, affiliations, it is liking everything. It is true that this isn’t the case for nearly every fan in kpop, but I think it is safe to say that it is a common practice amongst many kpop fans. People come to live for these groups, but of course, there is nothing wrong with that. No one knows how to breathe and wake up every day and live for a kpop group better than I do. But I want to make one very important point clear: Kpop is a market and everything is a concept. Now, let me elaborate a little bit more.

1) It is a factory.

I do not recall it being this bad in the past, but nowadays, I can say for sure that groups are debuting left and right, nonstop, almost every week, or even every day. It’s just too much. Too saturated. Talent is exploited.

2) Most of these kids lack talent.

I know that every single new rookie isn’t completely talent-less, but in such a relentless industry, and especially nowadays with the sheer amount of people trying to break through, all these girls and boys look the exact same to me. Long ago, I gave up on getting into and keeping track of rookies. I decided that they I preferred my golden groups, the ones that defined that my own kpop era, and that they were the only ones I really had time for anyway. I am not saying this applies to all of them, because of course there are always exceptions. Take the latest show, The UNIT, for example. These people are supposed to be already debuted idols, looking for another shot at fame. Yet, the most jarring thing I noticed, especially with the females, is that they can’t even sing. Is that not a basic? These girls were out there on stage belting flat notes left and right and it was atrocious. It blew my mind, because even on P101, trainees who haven’t even had “experience” like those idols had, could sing significantly better. I don’t remember when the standard to become an idol dropped so low, but it is outright disappointing to me. For me personally, a nice face or some cool dance moves or a wholesome personality is not going to make you worthy of being an idol. You have to be a performer. And if you can’t even accomplish the basics, as in pull off the right notes, then why even try?

3) There is a lack of self-expression.

This is something that could be argued from several angles, and I am glad to agree that the stereotype has been changing more and more these days, towards a better direction. But if we are to speak straight from the debut days of Boyfriend or Infinite, or even SNSD for example, then the story is a little bit less complicated. It is simple: many of these groups are forced to do things that they do not necessarily want to or choose to do. Although it varies, almost every aspect of these people’s lives is controlled by their companies. The songs they sing, the dances that they dance to, the clothes they wear, the places they go to, the food they eat, the people they have to meet, and sometimes, even the things they say. These are very frequently not 100% under the artists’ complete control. And that is simply… pretty hard to grasp, but certainly true in most situations. Hence the “everything is a concept”. Because it really is. Many of the things that these artists do are a part of a concept that they must pull off, an image that they must present to the public, whether that is their true self or not, little do we ever know. Hoya’s talk about his departure from Infinite and Woollim does a really good job of exposing this sort of culture that goes on behind the scenes. Of course, nowadays at least, many artists are receiving more musical freedom and even the opportunity to partake in the very creation and composition of their own music.

4) Kpop idols are HUMAN.

This is one that I want to emphasize as if my life depends on it. Time and time again, I think the fact that kpop idols are human is something that people seem to completely disregard. I have never seen a fanbase as cruel and scrutinizing as the kpop fanbase. It almost downright scares me. Sasaeng fans are a reality that I wish did not exist, because they are just so rude, inconsiderate, and intense. Those manic, excessive fans really make me fear for idols’ wellbeing. Furthermore, there are so, so, soooo many incidents in which a Korean artist would do this or do that or say this or that and the situation is completely, totally, blown out of proportion. I have read articles about complaints that made absolutely no sense. I want to make this clear: Nobody's perfect, and neither are kpop stars. They will make mistakes, more than once if anything. But how, in the world, in any universe, does that give people permission to write hate comments at them? To bash on every little thing about them? To write petitions for them to leave their respective groups completely? Why do people think that is okay? Why do people not understand that, just like you and me, and anyone else, kpop stars have feelings. Is that so hard to believe? That no matter how small of a word or phrase you use to hurt them, you are instilling hate regardless. And that is not okay. It is never okay. Because they are human. The world, fans, no one, will never really know what is going on in an idol’s life. I do not want to make this part solely about Kim Jonghyun, but I think it is only right to mention him here. It was stated time and time again that Jonghyun was suffering from severe depression, to an extent where he took his own life. And the entire kpop world fell into complete shambles since then. Does this make it more transparent for everyone? That hate comments, that inner feelings and emotions, that all of these things are very real aspects of idols’ lives. It is so extremely hard, for me personally, to watch these idols become decreased to shoddy titles and names over the smallest of incidents. The hate needs to stop. Kpop idols are humans. Please.

5) The exhaustive work schedules.

This basically stems from the whole humanizing kpop idols thing. But I absolutely despise of the fact that is it common for idols to faint on stage, become hospitalized for over-exhaustion, or take breaks to recover. I have one simple question: Why do we have to work them until they reach that point? Are their bodies and capabilities expendable objects or something? Why is it okay? Why is it common for crying out loud? These people are literally worked to their limit, for several weeks on end. Once again, I’d like to point out that they are not invincible gods with undying strength. They are humans. There just has to be something done about the ridiculous work schedules that these people have to deal with. It just is not okay.

6) Companies are milking fans for their money.

This one is a big statement. It is not necessarily completely true for every single company, but it is definitely not wrong in any way at all. Think about why a company would start up a group in the first place. To give these hard working people a chance in the limelight out of generosity because they totally deserve it? No, of course not lol. There is a win-win situation within a lot of these groups, or at least the more successful ones. They earn lots and lots of money, a large portion of which goes straight to company, while also becoming famous and etc etc everything else they’ve always wanted. But companies are playing a game at the same time, marketing these groups to any extent possible. Ever wonder why groups frequently venture into the Japanese market? Ever wonder why groups have to release 4952548 different versions of one simple album (which is totally a newer-generation-of-kpop trend. groups in the past never did this)? Ever wonder why Lee Soo Man purposely created a multicultural group when it probably would’ve been much easier to just make a purely Korean one? Everything in the kpop industry, and I mean everything comes down to money. That is the reality of it. It is a market.

6) The music no longer sounds like kpop to me.

With the massive rise to global stardom that a lot of current day groups have acquired has come the musical shift into which, in my opinion, the overall sound of kpop is very much more westernized. Many groups are following the trend of releasing music that is edm, trap, tropical house, dupstep, etc -oriented. And for me, I’m not digging it. I fell in love with kpop because of sounds like Big Bang’s and Infinite’s older music. But now, the music is so completely different. A lot of these songs honestly just sound like something I would hear playing on the American radio. Which may just be the goal anyway. But for me, if kpop just sounds like everything else now, why would I listen to it? I originally liked it because it was different, and didn’t sound like everything else I was already hearing. But now it just does. Sigh.

7) There has been a complete generation shift.

This is something that I talk about extensively to my friends and peers. I’d like to say that it is something that I am very passionate about. There isn’t a day in which a part of me isn’t internally mourning about the death of my kpop generation. I think the generational shift becomes more and more apparent as time goes by: look at the groups that were active 5 years ago, and compare them to now. Are any of them even the same? Probably not. And that sort of reality pains me a lot. I understand that it’s simply about growth, getting over it, and moving on. But I’ll always reminisce from time to time. Here are the groups that defined my generation of kpop, and what happened to them:

Big Bang: indefinite hiatus (TOP is in the army, w/ the others well on their way)

SHINee: active (this one breaks my heart even more because not only did I constantly commend SHINee for staying whole and active, despite their apparent downfall in popularity and relevance, I was just always thankful for their undying perseverance as an older generation group. The loss of Jonghyun completely broke my heart because it was a reality I never wanted to believe in. I’m still in shock and it really does hurt to think how SHINee’s name will now forever go down in tragedy rather than legendary)

SNSD: indefinite hiatus (this one is a little hazy. It has been stated that the name of SNSD lives on, despite the members being in different companies. A sliver of hope remains for them)

2NE1: disbanded (first they lost Minzy, and then they completely fell apart)

LEDApple: disbanded (or at least i think so?? The members moved around all over the place and I’m pretty sure no one is left)

2PM: indefinite hiatus (Taec is in the army, while the others are doing their own thang for now. I have faith that they’ll return as 6 one day, though. Fight on, 2PM <3)

B1A4: active (i got to see them in feb, too, bless up)

ZE:A: indefinite hiatus (all the members are in separate companies. Minwoo & Taeheon returned from the army already while Kwanghee, Heechul, and Siwan are currently serving. The rest have been doing their own things as well. In fact, Kevin resides in Australia now. They have stated several times that despite being in different places and companies, the group has not officially disbanded yet. It warms my heart to think that there is still hope for them.)

U-KISS: active (they lost Kevin and AJ and Dongho in the year past and I know they’re still managing to stay alive with the addition of Jun as well)

Teen Top: hiatus (L.Joe was caught up in some messy legal stuff with his company and seemed to have left the industry as a whole in a rather ugly way… it definitely hurt to watch this pan out in the way that it did… nonetheless, Teen Top is basically still irrelevant anyway, despite the multiple comebacks they’ve had in years past.)

4Minute: disbanded (;__;)

Super Junior: active (this is such a blessing, honestly, to have Super Junior alive and active, despite alllllll the shit they’ve been through these past years. I know they’re definitely on the older side, but these guys are absolute legends and it makes me so happy to see them still together, even if just partially)

f(x): indefinite hiatus (their last release was in 2015 which means it’s almost been 3 freaking years since we last saw them active as 4, after Sulli’s departure. Wow… I really do hope to see them soon)

Apink: active (but barely relevant…They were also once 7, until Yookyung left in 2012, I believe.)

Girls Day: active (but not as relevant as they were before, either. Their recent, occasional releases have been decent, but not good enough to be big. They also technically lost a member before, too.)

BEAST: active as Highlight (They lost Hyunseung, and then they all left Cube. Miraculously, these boys kept themselves afloat and even established their own label together, as five. I am honestly so happy for what they have accomplished and even though it sucks that we’ll never hear the name BEAST in same way or affiliation anymore, these five guys are still going strong. I think they proved to me that they really do enjoy being idols, which is kinda rare considering how long they’ve been active in the industry)

VIXX: active (and probably one of the most relevant idols out of this list)

Miss A: disbanded (it was unclear for a while, but also pretty obvious because each member went their separate way. But JYP recently declared their disbandment official)

Sistar: disbanded (they were active for exactly 7 years, debuting and disbanding on the same exact day. This one definitely hurt)

BAP: active (they took a long hiatus somewhere in between, but it was well-deserved considering how ridiculously active they were back then. They still come back quite often nowadays, but it is unfortunately safe to say that they no longer leave the same impact as they did years before)

KARA: disbanded (despite adding Youngji after Nicole and Jiyoung left, they couldn’t last long enough. this one also hurt because of how spot-on their music always was for me.)

MBLAQ: indefinite hiatus (the name itself still lives on, and they never officially declared disbandment. but MBLAQ is probably one of the only groups that will go down in pure tragedy in my heart because I really did, truly, love them to death at one point. The departure of Lee Joon and Thunder threw this group into shambles and they barely managed to come back once as a trio, until their company disintegrated before our eyes and screwed them over even more. These boys used to be top of the top, dominating the industry in every way possible, musically and in variety shows, too. But lately, in fact, not even that recently, G.O. had taken to his personal social media to reveal the mistreatment and basically the complete shit they had to go through as idols. He was utterly traumatized by his experiences in the industry, to a point where he never wanted to sing again. But he talked about how the other 2 members gave him strength, as well as the few fans that were left to support him. MBLAQ literally dissolved into ashes right before my eyes, yet no one, and I mean no one, has been talking about this. They honestly just went through so much and have lost a lot as well. It hurt so bad to watch such an amazing group fall apart so fast, without even making a sound. Fuck the industry.)

Wonder Girls: disbanded (these legendary girls first faced the departure of Sun, and then Sohee. Sunmi was added into the mix after a very long hiatus, but they lasted for about 2 years until they officially disbanded)

T-Ara: indefinite hiatus (this group has faced a ferocious path of ups and downs. First with Hwayoung, and her departure, then with Areum and her departure as well, and then the very sudden departure of Soyeon and Boram. The four remaining members have decided to not renew their contracts with their current agency, but it is unclear if T-Ara still really exists at all at this point.)

Block B: active (and thankfully pretty relevant, I think)

Boyfriend: hiatus (Donghyun is on the Unit right now. I know they haven’t been super active in the past years, but when they tried, it was lackluster. They’ve definitely lost a lot of the momentum they once had years ago :( )

After School: indefinite hiatus (so many members have “graduated” in the past years, that only five are left now. I honestly can’t recall the last time they released music, but I can tell it’s been a very long time…)

CN Blue: active (but unfortunately very irrelevant anyway. They celebrated their 8th anniversary recently though! Congrats (: )

Rainbow: disbanded (so so so sad…)

Infinite: active (bless the heavens. Hoya’s departure shattered my world and I was admittedly a sobbing mess for several days on end. But their impending comeback is going to warm my heart and ears, I just know it. It’s been a good one whole year and a third since I last saw them come back. I have definitely missed their once steadfast presence. Welcome back, my loves <3 )

Welp, that was quite refreshing, to take a quick peek at the histories of these groups that once defined my middle school years. It definitely hurts to count how many times I had to write “disbanded” or “indefinite hiatus” because of how unclear and shaky a lot of these groups’ futures look. It has been pretty obvious for a while, that with the progressive crumbling of this once sturdy, strong, and seemingly invincible gang of groups, a new era of groups has been ushered in to take center stage and render the rest of the once-legends weak and irrelevant. Groups that used to make headlines on the daily basis and smash charts consistently are now barely hanging onto existence in the industry. It is quite painful to watch. There are many times where I just want to go back to those days where the names and faces and songs that were “mainstream” were the ones that I could actually recognize and enjoy. Now, it is quite the opposite. Adieu, my generation of kpop.

I just really don’t like kpop anymore. (but I still like Korean music! :) )