#sorry this gets kinda preachy i have a lot of feelings about this

[douwatahima]

idk i'm feeling kinda riled up today and i want to talk about why the fight for ofmd is so important to me.

so listen. i've been in fandoms for a loooooong time. i remember when the sheer idea of a show (that wasn't something like, say, queer as folk) having any sort of lgbt representation was a major rarity. the idea of a random character suddenly coming out in your favourite sci fi/fantasy/action show? no way in hell. and those of us in fandom kinda came to accept that. we were queering the hell out of everything we came across, don't get me wrong, but it was because the idea of a series suddenly having a character textually be queer was just…not a thing that happened most of the time.

then came the age of queerbaiting. as someone who was in the supernatural fandom from very early on, i remember how those first few seasons of the ~great destiel saga~ felt to watch. they actively hinted at and joked about their relationship! they acknowledged the elephant in the room! surely they wouldn't do that unless it meant something!!! but then of course came the years and years of the cast and crew sneering at the people who had the audacity to…listen to the words that came out of the character's mouths and have thoughts about them. and yeah, eventually (like a decade later) cas told dean he loved him, but even now the people who worked on the show seem reluctant to say that that was a romantic moment. and that's just one example that i'm more intimately familiar with! there are so many others! just straight up gaslighting queer fans so they can keep making money off of us with no intention of actually giving us what we want; all while acting like they were doing us a favour by doing anything at all.

and it sucked! it clearly sucked! but the more time went on the less surprising it became. because at the end of the day it came down to what it always comes down to; money. there's this idea (not just in media) that there are certain people who are the "default". people whose experiences are universal and easy to understand. white people. straight people. cis people. when it comes to media, stories about these people are seen as something anyone can watch and understand. but when you try to tell stories about people who fall outside of these categories? well, now you're making niche content that only people who fall into that niche will be able to identify with.

and look, i know i'm preaching to the choir here. this is tumblr. we all know there's a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia in the world. my point is that the narrative around queerbaiting from an industry standpoint seemed to be "yeah, we want the ad revenue from all of these lgbt people watching our shows, but if we commit to actually making any of our characters queer we're going to isolate our straight audience and lose most of our viewers". and there was never any concrete way to disprove that. so yeah. we would occasionally be blessed by a ~very special show~ that actually depicted queerness (usually about younger people coming out, or about the tragedies that can and have faced people in our community), but the idea of branching out beyond that seemed like a no go.

and then along came our flag means death. a show about pirates that also talked about toxic masculinity and had characters who were casually queer in every different variety and also featured people with different body types who came from different cultures and who were all treated with kindness and grace. a show that didn't necessarily market itself specifically as ~a queer show~ (which, was probably in part due to trying to bury the lead which sucks, but the point still stands) but rather a fun show anyone could watch. that wasn't specifically about coming out or tragedy but was more so about joy, and community, and love. and here's the thing. here's the wild as fuck thing that happened. this show? it didn't lose all of its viewers when those last two episodes of season 1 aired and it confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that ed and stede were in love. the opposite happened. this show fucking soared into the stratosphere.

i remember the first time i saw those parrot analytics charts showing that ofmd was the most in demand new series; out performing marvel even. i was so overcome i legit broke down in tears. because it turns out all of those times i had been told to sit back and accept the scraps i was given because that was all my community was profitable enough to get, those people were wrong. we could've had this the whole time! WE COULD'VE HAD THIS THE WHOLE TIME!!! and as the weeks progressed and ofmd remained at the top of every chart, as the show continued to succeed, i felt such an immense amount of joy! those people were wrong! we can just have this and it'll do well!!!

and yeah, apparently that wasn't enough to convince the powers that be. they spent forever deciding whether to renew it and when they finally did the budget was cut nearly in half and the people at max decided they needed to oversee the show a lot more. all of this sucks. but the thing is they made season 2 and they fucking did it again! the show got even better critics scores than last time! the show was doing numbers better than season 3 of succession! the merch, only released in october, became some of the best selling merch of 2023 on the max shop! by max's own admission season 2 was one of the biggest hits of the year for them!!! like, what more is there? the show is a success!!!

so yeah. i'm not going to accept the fucking stupid excuses max gives as to why they cancelled it. saying that it didn't have the numbers (it did), or that they didn't know how to market violence (they do), or that it didn't have awards buzz (it has literally been nominated for awards and there's still active fyc ads the company itself made) just doesn't cut it. there was no reason to cancel it other than the idea that diverse media "doesn't sell". and max, by airing this show you have shown me that that fucking isn't true. it's never been true. so i'm going to keep fighting for this one until someone picks it up or until i'm old and grey because it isn't just about ofmd. it's about the belief that our stories, the stories of people who aren't "the default" are worth telling. by every metric they are worth telling. and that is something that i know is worth fighting for.

[imaginespazzi]

no one knows what goes on off of social media, paige and azzi have been extremely close for years and they like to keep their relationship on the dl. kk and paige are obvi close as well but they just post a lot on social media together so that’s prob why ppl are assuming that. but anyways it’s not like a competition of how close they are they all have a close bond at the end of the day!

All of this!

I mean this in the nicest way but I feel like the constant doomsdaying about them these days is getting a little bit out of hand, whether it was during Q's live or the whole not tagging Azzi things today (my inbox was something). We all know why Paige and Azzi don't post each other and that's their choice. Like it's fun to joke about the death of their tiktoks together but at the end of the day, it really isn't anyone's business who's posting what with who. It's mean to be fun for them and entertainment for us.

And people can have multiple relationships in their life. In fact it's very healthy to have that. As anon said, it isn't a competition. We all have different relationships in our lives and they all play a big role in making our life what it is. I know they seem like these out-of-reach stars, but they're just human beings with different relationships like the rest of us.

Anyways, that got kinda long and I'm sorry if it came of kinda preachy but like idk I just think it's better to keep things fun and light-hearted. Enjoy the crumbs, make entertaining theories and at the end of the day just be aware we don't actually know these girls.

[madaraservingcunt]

Hi.

I'm sorry if my rant is annoying and you don't have to reply if you don't want to.

I just don't seem to dare to draw. I just can't get started I'm too scared of failing even if when I sometimes do, the things don't turn out thaaaat bad but still 😞😓

I'm gonna write something for you under the readmore, it's pretty long so I don't expect a solid response.

My biggest struggle was comparing myself to other artists. It took some soul searching to overcome this. I have some questions for you:

When you think about making art, do you want to make it for other people?

Is this why you worry about failing?

As in, your art is so bad you don't get any recognition, or even worse, possibly mocked for it?

I can relate to all of those questions I just asked you because I worried about them constantly. I mean, a huge part of me getting my iPad was specifically to draw Madara xD

This was the first pic I was happy with.

It took me a while to adapt from traditional art to digital. I spent an entire night just practicing lines. When I got it down, I was SO happy. I drew Madara!!!

Everyone being so excited to have their asks answered encouraged me a lot.

Then I got nervous cause what if I drew something and it sucked and they didn't like it? What if it got zero notes?

It stopped me for a while. I also had some trouble with being reported by anonymous users for silly stuff, and my posts kept getting flagged, so my pictures and memes wouldn't even post. It really bummed me out, so I like the queue take over and stopped paying attention to this blog...

Then, during my artistic slump, I watched Chommang again:

I know it's annoying to be recommended videos to watch, especially if you have a short attention span like I do. But this really changed my perspective. I'll clip the specific parts that resonate with me below:

His basic message is to change the attitude you have about creation. If you see it as a contest, it will be hard to enjoy, especially as a beginner.

The people who post their art here have fine-tuned it for hours. I mean HOURS. Some of the colored digital art on here probably took 6+hrs and a lot of frustration on the artist's end, I'm sure. There are some colored pieces that took me 6hrs. Example:

When I posted stuff like this I got embarrassed cause I have some artists I really admire who follow me and I was like damn...it took me so long to make this and it's NOTHING compared to what they have drawn. But it's not fair to myself or to them to do that...they didn't challenge me. If anything, they encouraged me to get better.

I talked to a couple of artists I admire and every single one of them was so supportive and cool.

ALSO WHY IS IT SO SCARY TO TALK TO THEM.

It feels like talking to a celebrity.

But they're people just like you and me. The only difference is that they are at a different level of experience than you and I are. But I mean, they had to start somewhere, too. Why do you make yourself feel shame for that? It's something you have to overcome if you want to share your art. Is that why you are afraid of trying?

You don't have to post it. I have so many scrapped pics and WIP on ProCreate, yall don't even know lmao.

Try to do one dynamic pose a day. Try to watch ONE Chommang video a week and follow along, if you have a busy schedule. Or if you're depressed and slumped like I was, my best advice is LIMIT YOUR SCREEN TIME. Being online with all your free time is not ideal for someone depressed.

Idk what is going on in your life but if you're too scared to start something cause you're worried you'll fail, that is a journey I cannot walk you through. Sorry this got really long and kinda preachy at the end...

Anyways, I hope this anon reads this and feels a little bit of encouragement!

[jemmo]

it's not an ask but some idea or observation that i want to see if you noticed too. it's about the wife/husband scene in the hospital with pran and pat talking about the terms. when i was first watching i really felt like it was long coming and when pat said he was confused and it was not serious for him i believed that too no question. it was that scene at episode 3,,my beloved,, at the bus stop that really shows you both of their sides but on a more lighter level. at the time it was airing lots of viewers were questioning why would p'aof use these terms and others were pointing to the way pat switched the terms over and even said we're two boyfriends. at the time and with the two few other times it'd come up i felt like this all was building up towards something and that the series still didn't deliver its point. it was so beautiful to see not only the discussion but that it already had foot in the story and you did see both of their povs from the very beginning. how pran didn't like this really and how also you totally believe pat didn't see past the fun or playing around of it. just appreciating the craft behind writing pat and pran.

thank you so much dear anon for pointing this out to me bc thinking about it now, i too also really appreciate how this specific point was built up to through the whole series. also sorry it took me a while to respond but i have some tuff i do wanna say about this bc it brought to light some things i hadn't thought about before. bc the thing is, while yes this was poking a bit of fun at the kinda tired out husband and wife trope in bl and also raising it as a topic for discussion, it didn't at all feel preachy to me.

(editing jess (yes im editing this) just to say this became something else, i discuss some stuff about society and media and go on many tangents hence the read more bc i feel like some ppl dont care about this stuff. and this is all just me ranting, my thoughts, im no professional, and dont know shit so take from it what you want)

i dont want to get too deep with this bc i am in no way the kind of person to have the final say on these things, but i watch way too many video essayist on youtube while knitting for hours talking about the kinda 'state of play' of this whole internet culture we're in, and i find it interesting to look at. bc i think there's this thing with what i'll lovingly term 'wokeism' that it provides a sense of superiority. ppl online or even when talking person to person in these kinds of spaces can often make themselves feel better than others, wiser, more aware and understanding bc they were able to pint out 'well actually that thing is problematic' or 'actually you cant say something like that' or 'that isnt socially acceptable anymore'. and that can be fine, bc at the end of the day you are making other people more aware, but you can't lie that it sometimes makes you feel good to know i'm better than all these other people who haven't fixed their problematic views. and this is one of the things that contribute to leftist spaces being demonised bc they jump on everything every word every term, they all have to be politically correct. you know the classic 'you cant say anything these days bc some randomer on twitter might come from nowhere and attack you for saying the wrong thing'. and thats the thing i wanna focus on. it comes from nowhere. and applying that to media, thats why some of these shows that claim progressive ideals can feel performative bc a statement that basically boils down to 'feminism is cool' or 'trans ppl are ok' just seems to come from left field. bc then ppl that are more closed minded watching that media are less likely to be receptive to those ideas, bc they're just being chucked at them.

what bad buddy does with this whole husband and wife thing, and on a larger scale with the whole feud being a perfect metaphor for queer experience, is they integrate their messages so so so well into the story so that its much more invisible when they're being made, and yet they're so much easier to take in, so much more digestible for the audience bc they aren't outright, one time only messages. they're part of the story, they're woven throughout, they're in the theming. and when the show makes you care about its characters and plot then weaves in these ideas, you kinda take to them without a second thought. like when i watched that hospital scene of pran saying he doesn't care for the label, i was just like 'lol yeah that is kinda dumb why should they have to use those words'. what i did not think was 'wtf where has this come from why is there suddenly this psa on the husband and wide labels in my fluffy hospital scene???'. you see??? and thats bc little nuggets of this message had been placed throughout the story. think ep 3 our beloved. the scene is playful and yet we still get a clear message pran doesn't want he's not comfortable with feminine labels. and its not some big song and dance, the word 'PROGRESSIVE' isnt written in lights behind them. its just a dude making his preference known, and thats totally cool. also in this scene we get one of countless displays of green flag pat being comfortable 'playing a woman'. and again, we dont need the words 'fuck toxic masculinity' to be tattooed across pat's forehead. bc its not purely about pat being that way to combat that issue. yes there's an element of pat being that way to go against toxic masculinity, but again its not performative. its just pat. its the way he is, its part of his character, its developed naturally from his personality. it fits. it isn't a psa being stuffed where it doesn't fit. this isnt trying to fit the triangle into the round hole. its a triangle already being in the triangle hole.

and i could go on and on, about this thing and that thing that is handled in a similar way. i could be like yeah the mention the wife thing at the start of ep5 and in ep9 in pran's room. but we all know that. what i do wanna still say is that i love that its such a non issue. its a non issue as in pran has dismissed this before but not felt the need to raise it any further bc its not like he despises it and more so he knows pat doesn't have any real ill intention behind it. as we hear later, he's saying it just bc he thought it was the thing to say. he thinks i wanna be closer to pran and i already call him my boyfriend, so what else can i say to show we're closer than that. but when pat's said it a couple of times, pran takes the opportunity to just be like btw im not really cool with that its not my vibe so yeah. and he doesn't bring it up with any heat, he's not attacking pat. he's not even outright saying the words 'i dont like this label. pls stop'. and still you can read all that even when he starts the conversation with a jokey vibe and uses their established dynamic of teasing each other to make pat understand why he doesn't like it. and then they both laugh, bc at the end of the day it was just dumb. they were trying to do this thing that society told them was the thing to do in relationships but it wasn't working so they don't need it. they don't need dumb, kinda outdated and gendered words just to prove to the world they're close. they know how close they are, and thats enough for them. and at the end of the day, isn't that what queer people have always been doing?? saying fuck what society wants me to do, i'm gonna live my life according to my own terms. i don't need your meaningless milestones routed in heterosexual relationships to validate my relationships. as long as me and my partner are on the same page and happy with that, i dont need anything else.

and let me end with saying that if ppl like these terms or ppl like seeing couples in bl use these terms, that doesn't make them dumb, or behind the times or problematic. some ppl just like stuff. and let me also state that the husband and wife labels do not have to be any comment on tops or bottoms. first of all, those terms are similarly tired out but also fine to use if you vibe with them. but a wife does not equal a bottom. and a wife does not equal the feminine one, or the one that does traditionally feminine things. and i would so love to see bl tackle this. bc a top can be a big strong man but also want to be called a wife, just as a bottom can do the cooking but also want to be called a husband. and switching does exist. and i so get switch vibes from like everyone in bad buddy bc thats what ppl are like. they can change what they like to do, dont put them in a box. and i love this kinda meeting place between these two kinds of labels. bc a rejection of husband and wife demands you to acknowledge that this is two men in this relationship (and it also kinda goes against this whole self-insertion thing that bl started out with as a female written and focused thing where you had a defined wife/bottom character that you could replace yourself with), and a lack of any outright top and bottom coding takes you away from this fascination ppl have with sexual positions. bc at the end of the day, why does it fucking matter?? if you like it one way or the other thats cool, but thats not something we should have to broadcast to the world. and nor should it be what you fixate on for characters. if theyre gonna be intimate, care more about the emotions and connection, nots what being put where. intimacy isn't a matter of someone giving and someone recieving, its coming together. and thats not to say it has to always be so emo, sometimes you just wanna do stuff. but even then, what goes where, it aint all that important.

basically tl;dr labels can be cool or not, its all up to personal preference and thats every individuals right. bad buddy knows how to share its messages without slapping you across your face with their 'wokeness' and then patting themselves on the back for ticking off something on their representation list. awesome writing. awesome messages. they're actually fostering nuanced discussion of these things. p'aof i love you.

[erotomania-if]

I am so sorry this is going to sound so inarticulate and preachy and rant-y because English is not my first language and I am currently writing this in a fit of passion after reading that last ask, as well stalking your blog for the past day or so (which I am very sorry for, by the way) and just coming across all the people who seem to not understand how stories work when all you have been doing is just... Telling us about a story you wish to write with an interesting conflict?? And doing your best to create a complex character with complex inner thoughts and feelings??

Judging people based on the stories they write or enjoy that contain conflict that is normally considered wrong in real life makes me laugh so hard because that just makes me wonder, do you genuinely think that way for every person who has ever made up a story ever?? Because that would mean that, in real life, a whole lot of writers are actually cheaters and criminals and bigots and whatnot 💀

What makes most stories, well, stories, is the issues that arise throughout the plot that may or may not have been caused by the characters' actions, mindsets, and circumstances—and most of all, how they work around those things. What I mean to say is, the stories a person tells or enjoys do not wholly, fairly, and accurately define their experiences, morals, and beliefs—but even in real life, morality isn't simply black and white.

And for some rando to come to your inbox, accusing you of things and speculating about your life, when all you are doing is creating something for you and for other people to enjoy, and when they know close to nothing about you? I apologize but I cannot stand by and not say anything 😊

Also, I have to say—I don't believe I have ever seen you get triggered on any of your posts. You've handled every ask you've answered so far with a nearly incomprehensible amount of grace and patience and I truly, utterly respect you for that. That is all, and I hope you have a wonderful day/evening! <3

So yesterday was a whole thing, huh? lol

Ok so sometimes it's kinda hard to know what to post and what to ignore when it comes to criticism/praise and counter-criticism/praise cos this shit is a minefield lol but I responded to the negative ones so I just wanted to acknowledge the less than negative ones as well because y'all took the time to write them and just ignoring them feels wrong so I just wanted to put them all in one post and just say I appreciate everyone who's taken the time to send me a well-meaning thought out, even if critical, response to anything I've said or done!

[incorrectspnforfun]

Is it just me or has this fandom gotten kinda serious??

Like I still love spn and the fandom as a whole, it’s nice to be supported by people who share the same interests as you but everything’s been blown up almost.

For instance I know the ‘walker’ premiere’s soon, something that a lot of people have worked really hard on including Jared, and some people are being so horrible about it without even watching it. Basically a lot of people are trying to make it fail because of spn and the controversy surrounding the ending, which I think is so childish and selfish. I mean if you watch it and don’t like it fair enough but if it’s just because of Jared being in it or because you didn’t like the spn finale what’s the point?

Everyone has their own opinion on the ending, which is fine, but to come for the actors and their career is so wrong and messed up.

Not only that but as a result of this the spn fandom is getting a bad reputation as toxic and immature (a lot of people assume were bitchy teenagers like???) I have several problems with that stereotype in itself but that’s not the point.

I just feel like it’s not about enjoying the show any more, but maybe that’s just me. I would love to hear your thoughts on this because you seem like a genuinely nice and friendly spn blog. Thank you, sorry it was long.

Hi! 

Don’t apologize at all! I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this, but I’m happy to answer it and talk about this now. <3 

I’ve talked about this whole thing with a lot of different people, and the whole issue still doesn’t sit right with me, but I’ll give you my thoughts and opinions and everything based on the talks I’ve had with friends/family who are also in the fandom. 

And before I get into my whole big long shpiel, I’m gonna say it now: 

I don’t want to argue with anyone in the comments. 

I don’t want a bunch of hate. 

If you don’t like what I say here, then scroll past it and ignore it. If you wanna unfollow the blog, that’s fine. 

But this person is asking me for my thoughts, maybe because they’re feeling hurt and confused by this fandom right now, like I am, and I don’t blame them, so I’m gonna tell them what I think, which means telling all of you. And if you don’t like it, then ignore it. But I’m not gonna fight with people. I will delete rude comments, because I don’t want the toxicity. 

I do try to keep this blog as positive, happy, and uplifting as possible, and I’m going to try to keep this post as positive as possible as well, but I, admittedly, have been very angered by some of the behavior of the people in this fandom, so if I come off as short and upset, I apologize in advance. 

All of that said, here we go: 

Yes. I agree with you 100%. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know what it is, but the controversy over the finale created such a toxicity in the fandom that is killing me. 

I have always been proud to be in the fandom because we are a family. The SPN Family has always been a force for good: donating to charities, fighting for people’s rights, and just in general promoting love, kindness, and happiness. 

So to see all of that falling apart because of an ending?? Of a TV show?? It breaks me. It hurt my heart. When the controversy first started, I was in tears over everything happening, because I was heartbroken. 

Hearing that SPN fans were scaring actors and other fans off of social media because of their hate over the ending was one of the worst things I’d ever heard. And the fact that it only continued to escalate honestly made me wish I wasn’t in this fandom, if only to avoid the association. I even started avoiding a lot of my favorite SPN creators because they were being so toxic about the ending. 

Look. I loved the ending, and if you hate me for that, it’s fine. But I did. I thought it was perfect. I know there are a lot of people that didn’t. And that’s fine. We can agree to disagree. If you hate the ending, you have a right to your opinion. 

What nobody has the right to do, though, is hate on other people for their opinions, in any sense of the word. 

Jared Padalecki should not be getting hate because he loved and was proud of the finale. 

Jim Beaver should not have gotten hate because he was in the finale and was happy to be a part of something so beautiful. 

Misha Collins should not have gotten hate because he expressed his opinion about Cas’s ending and everything that came with the finale. 

Yes, they’re celebrities. Yes, they play these characters. But they are also people. They are human. 

This entire family has been built on the fact that these actors put us on their level. They respect us and treat us like we’re all equals. Don’t we owe them the same courtesy? 

This is getting a little preachy, but my point is that yes, this fandom has gotten toxic and serious and frustrating in a lot of ways, and it really hurts me on a personal level, because I love this family. I bragged for years about how positive the energy in this fandom was, and how open-minded and warm and welcoming everybody in it was. 

So to see it getting to the point where these toxic people are making a bad name for a fandom that I’ve praised ever since I joined it hurts. It hurts a lot. Even writing this is making me really emotional. 

Now. All of that said, I want to do my best to give you a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I truly believe that the true SPN Family is still out there. Whether people liked the finale or not, the fans who are screaming at actors and hating on fans who did like the finale and running stars off of social media because of their opinions are not SPN Family members. They may be Supernatural fans, but they are not family. Because I still believe that the SPN Family is filled with kindness and goodness and love, and I know that there are those of us out there who are positive. But, unfortunately, toxicity is louder--the squeaky wheel gets the grease. 

My hope, though, is that, down the line, it’s the positive legacy of this family that lives on. Because yeah, this all started because of a TV show, but it created something even bigger. And the people who are going to be surface level and hate on the show and the actors and the fans and everything because of the plot of the last few episodes don’t see the bigger picture, and, hopefully, by default, they won’t want to be a part of it. 

But those of us who still appreciate everything this show created and everything it stood for--whether we liked the finale or not--know that just because the show ended the way it did doesn’t mean the legacy of the actors, characters, fandom, or anything in between has to change or go away. 

The SPN Family has created something wonderful and beautiful. And yeah, our legacy looks a little tainted right now. But years from now, those of us who are truly members of the SPN Family--and not just the SPN fandom, because that’s an important distinction--will be able to keep that positive legacy going for years to come. 

At least, that’s what I’m hoping. 

I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’ve talked about it a lot, with a lot of people. 

And while I know everyone acting up over Walker was recent, I do feel like, all things considered, the toxicity is calming down, to a degree, and I like to think that it’ll slowly just fade out--or, at least quiet down. 

My hope is that, as the toxicity dies, the positivity will reign again, and everyone will slowly remember what this fandom should really be about--family and love.

Maybe this was too preachy, and maybe this isn’t even the type of thing you wanted to hear, but I hope that what I said gives you some comfort for a better future for this fandom--no, this family. It can be hard, with everything going on, but know that there are still positive people left. I’ve found several myself that I’ve latched onto to help me get through the negativity. And, in the end, love always wins. And family--true family--always has your back. 

And, hey, in the wise words of Dean Winchester: 

“A wise man once told me, 'family don't end in blood. ' But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That’s family.” 

And that family is the one that’ll come out on top. 

I know it. <3 

Lots of love to my entire SPN Family. Hang in there. <3 

[angeloncewas]

This might come out of left field of normal asks you get so I’m going to go ahead and blame this on the fact that it is very late where I am. As an older fan of the current minecraft content creators, (I don’t consider myself myself an old fan but I did watch Tommy say “Just killed a women, feeling good” live so judge me as you will) I kinda get sad to see what the fandom has become. I’ve been tuning in and out of this fandom for over a year and despite the good parts of it, the toxicity has been increasing exponentially.

The more I read about stuff that happens here the more I realize that people really need to go outside and touch grass. I know a large part of the negativity comes from twitter (Ive also seen an alarming increase of bad takes on tumblr) but it honestly makes me sad to see so many people my age debate and argue over stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter. I’m not saying that some of the stuff in debate isn’t important and that I want people the shut up over the topic, but rather people need to learn to pick their battles.

I’m going to go ahead and stop before I really start to ramble or become preachy over this all. I’m really sorry if this is really venty and whatnot, I really didn’t mean for this to happen. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are!

Not out of left field at all ! At this point I don't think the contents of an ask could surprise me. (/lh)

I can imagine how hard it must be to have watched the fandom get to this point. I've been around for quite a bit, but I didn't really engage with the community side of things until we were already quite deep into this whole mess, so I don't really have that perspective. (And I came here from a much worse place so honestly most days it still feels like a breath of fresh air lmao.)

I honestly disagree with you in terms of debate. To me, what plagues this fandom isn't extreme argumentativeness; rather, just the contrary, an unwillingness to hear out others. Everybody thinks that they're right and that's not necessarily a bad thing - why stake your claim if you're not confident in it - but instead of talking about that conviction, this community often goes to the place of personal attacks against the other side, or even just the online equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and going "lalala." It'd be one thing to discuss the actions of a cc and understand where both the hurt and lack thereof are coming from; it's a whole nother to immediately shit on them and condemn anyone who still supports them.

I do agree, however, that a lot of focus is placed on inconsequential topics and while I'm not really a fan of this whole "touch grass" thing (on twt people use it to be shitty and condescending a lot lol) I do think they need to step outside of this fandom or even fandom spaces in general in order to gain some perspective.

Don't mind the vents or rambles ! I enjoy reading them a lot. Hope you have had/are having a good day as well :)

[eitiledaaa]

hi! about what you added on that post about veganism. tbh you're so right. i think my distain towards vegan fundamentalism is caused by the vegans in my life, who have always been healthy and had enough money to spend on different substitutes, but also how i've been treated because of my chronic illness. tbh i could easily give up meat, i barely eat chicken and fish, but i don't know if i can live on a plant only based diet since i have severe acid issues(although i actually really want to). i have only a few followers since this is a new account and i usually post stuff so i remember it, but that's no excuse for the language most people used on that post.

also, i don't know if you can relate, but living in a smaller country and getting my animal produce from people living in the countryside definitely affected how i see the whole argument on the morality of eating meat. just thinking about how messed up the /actual/ industry is makes me wanna puke and also question what am i going to do if i move in another country and can't buy locally.

hope this message isn't weird(and sorry about my english) and that u have a great dayy

omg your tags on that post are so sweet, thank you!! 🥺 also - I felt kinda bad going on that rant after rbing the post from you because i love your blog!! i also have very few followers so don't worry :)

also, if you have chronic illness (which sucks, i'm sorry 😖) then i would never, ever even suggest you go vegan simply bc telling people what to eat is preachy and even more so if you have health issues! unlike other vegans I'm a firm believer in that your health (also mental health) comes first. don't beat yourself up over this!!

in regards to the discussion on those posts, i just think that non vegans (such as most of my friends) should be able to respect our point of view, but i by no means want to make you feel bad about eating animal products or anything! we all do what we can given our circumstances, and 80% plant-based is a lot better than beating yourself up for not getting to that 100% while still eating meat every day imo. in absolute terms, 80% is a lot better than nothing! as we say in Spanish, es una cuestión de grados (it's a matter of degrees?haha).

(also, my disdain for woke culture probably comes into play: with no other issue would somebody get away with saying "you can't dictate my morals")

i can 100% relate to that bit abt vegan activists being privileged and annoying, and to your concern as to whether you'll be able to sustain the diet you're on if you move. idk what else to say other than that your message is really sweet and shows you're much more open minded than most people on here. lots of people have "debunked" the most common arguments against veganism much better than i can so if you want i can rec you some videos/articles. again, sorry and thank you for your kind message. I hope you have a great day! 💫💕

[distant-rose]

So this isn’t an ask, but I would’ve felt weird sending it as a DM, so I’m doing this instead. I’ve been scrolling through your Little Pirates tag a lot recently (because I’m a creep) and I keep seeing posts about how amazed you are every time someone says that they love your series and that you always feel like there’s only like 2 people that are invested in it, which amazes me because it’s so good. (1)

(2) I guess this is kinda like my way of reassuring you (not that you need it!) but also expressing my love for the series. I have absolutely loved the series since the beginning and followed it RELIGIOUSLY for a time. I wanted to know everything about the world and I asked a lot of question anonymously because I felt weird about how many I was asking. I was that invested, and still am, but I was never very loud about it. 

(3) The way I think of it, is that there is always a quiet majority behind the loud minority. So whenever I see posts saying that there are only 2 people out there who like LP, I am sure that there are people out there who love it as much as I do that are just kinda reserved about it and that you have a much larger following a support than you realize. 

(4) With that being said, I super respect your decision to take a step back from it for a while, because trust me, I know what it’s like to be super busy all the time and just needed a break from things. But if you do decide to continue writing, there are plenty of people who will be backing you, including me. Sorry if this came off as kind of a ramble, it’s like 1am and I’m feeling sentimental. I’m sure I’ll wake up in the morning feeling like an idiot, but I make my boldest choices at night

(5) Also, sorry if this comes off as rude or aggressive, I swear that’s not my intention! I just figured that now is the time to share my love for the series even though I’ve loved it for a long time. Also sorry that you read through 5 ask messages if you made it this far. I’m retrospect, I probably should’ve made this a DM, but I didn’t realized how long it was going to be when I started, so sorry! 

Hi there,

This is incredibly nice and I totally wasn’t expecting it. I was kind of alarmed when I logged in and saw five new messages in my inbox. Anyway, I was incredibly touched by your words. Thank you for taking the time to write this.

I’m gonna put this under the cut because this is gonna be obnoxiously long because you touched on something that myself and other writers have been kinda discussing privately for a long time.

Honestly, I’m so glad that you like Little Pirates and you should never feel like you should be ashamed of asking me questions about the series. You’re welcome to and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash if you sent multiple. I enjoy sharing things about the series, especially what is shared online is really the tip of a very massive iceberg. Most of the stuff I’ve shared is the childhood portion, mainly because that’s where we see the most involvement of Emma and Killian, and really that’s the selling factor. No one wants to read about someone’s random OCs. They want to see their OTP happy and in love. So, it’s a happy medium for me sharing my characters and people getting domestic hijinks from their OTP. The truth is that I’ve plotted them more as adults than I have as children. They have very rich and detailed lives and I feel a little guilty for not sharing those lives.

As for the audience, the rational part of my brain agrees with what you’re saying while the more emotional part of my brain is like “I’m screaming into the void and the void is judging me.” It’s a difficult thing sometimes to produce work and get a very minimal response. Writing, especially fanfiction writing, has a tendency to be undervalued and consumed without regard to how much goes into the actual labor of creating such work. This isn’t a cut or a rebuke, but I sometimes wonder if fanfiction readers realize the amount of work that goes into the actual creation of work and why it can be a little dismaying to get such little response. This isn’t just me. This is a general feeling of the fanfiction writers I’ve communicated with. To quote a good friend of mine: “No one is requiring interaction or vocal support, but…fandom is exactly that. If a fan community is going to survive, then there needs to be communication.” Which is half of the reason why comments and messages like this are so important. It’s honestly lovely to feel appreciated and to get messages like this and I’m very grateful for it but sometimes its dismaying if only 10-50% of those who consume your work give feedback. 

I did not intend to make this a preachy post, but honestly, authors really love and are starved for feedback and nothing would make us happier to get a response. Leaving messages to authors like this is good and I wish more readers like you would come out of the woodwork not to me, but to all writers who often feel like they’re shrieking into the void.

So don’t feel like you’re being annoying or aggressive. Writers like nothing more than to see people appreciate our work…it might actually lead to more work. I can’t promise that I’ll write for Little Pirates anytime soon because my plate is completely full with my final term of law school, the MPRE and the Bar Exam but honestly seeing stuff like this does make me itch a little bit to write again. 

Because it’s really nice to know people like your stuff. So thank you very much for coming out of the woodwork. You have no idea what it means.

[norgestan]

i finished skamfr s2. lord help me

this is a season. that Exists

watching this made me remember all the things that i didn't like about og, so i'll be coming back to that a lot, but i won't give skamfr a lot of credit for these offenses since og did them first

final comment before diving in the story and characters... the cinematography here is such a mess. why do they have to ruin their shots with oversaturated colors and weird lighting? like, just look at these

THEY LOOK SO WEIRD AND UGLY. as a gifmaker, if i'd been coloring something like this, this would've been the point where i say "alright that's WAY too much, let's backtrack a little". pre s3 skamfr gifmakers i'm so sorry for y'all

okay. what does skamfr accomplish better than the original... i found emma slightly less annoying than eva during s2. it was cute that she didn't treat her breakup w yann as a really good fuck, but a genuinely nice moment that she treasures in her heart. manon was never as mean to daphné as noora was to vilde in og, which is always appreciated. didn't feel like she had a personal vendetta against her and her morality, but that she played the part in not taking daphné seriously - and also stopped when she realized that the girls felt uncomfortable w that. the little changes in manon felt... better this time around? she's not the preachy tumblr feminist that noora was at the beginning of s2, so when she tried to use the syrian crisis stuff to say that charles was Bad, it didn't felt as if she was clinging to non existent morals to keep herself from falling for him, it just felt like an excuse she'd say to not get together w him.

but again it IS my problem w og that we never got a season of what it means to have those tumblr ideals in the real world and while skamfr didn't do anything to go down that route, at least they didn't do it as bad. from manon's part, that is.

the fight scene and the party w charles' brother were great scenes, i liked how they synced the shots and the music.

manon's actress is really good! most of her emotions were believable, though the "convos happen way too fast" problem often dragged her abilities down lol. she's a far better crier than emma's actress.

as for charles... eh. i'm glad his portrayal was more believable from the actor's part. didn't take me out of the story anymore, so props to him i guess

i feel like i've run out of good things to say so let's dive in on the remains of this fuckery.

mika is ANNOYING AS FUCK. was eskild ever so fucking annoying during s2........like during his first scenes i kept wondering if i found him to be more funny than annoying, but annoying won by far. i wish they didn't spend so much time on his very unfunny very loud scenes where he's annoying to manon. that said... mika and manon feel way more like a sibling duo than noora and eskild felt to me, so that's a win i guess. immensely dragged down by how much i dislike mika

same goes to the lynn character whose name i already forgot. she doesn't hold the same relatability that lynn held, and the annoying comedic relief spot is already taken, thank you so much. she often destroyed the emotional impact of some scenes and it just made me feel bad for manon's actress :/

the girl squad is fine i guess not a lot happens w them in s2 that makes their bond stronger or whatever. they're just... side characters w annoying side plots that have nothing to do w manon and just serve as a distraction to the mess that it's the central plot. but that was an og problem, so don't worry france. the bar was... low, though

like why are they so emotionally deaf towards their friends.... that scene where emma was reading manon's article to the girls and manon starts crying and emma says "am i reading it wrongly?"...... what the fuck is wrong w you????? your friend is crying???? go comfort her???????

some of those moments are clearly played for laughs and it's sad that they sacrifice relationship development for the sake of jokes that don't even work.

final comment on manon's friendship... how is it. that manon is telling everyone "i will go on one date w charles so he stops playing w my friend's feelings" and everyone is like haha that's great you're gonna fall in love this is so Funny and Okay. can manon get better friends to tell her that a guy blackmailing you into a date via hurting one of your friends is.... not cute or normal in any way?????? jfc. again, this is an og issue first. and again, fuck the bar was so low.

yes i've avoided talking about charles and the relationship because... sigh. it's the part that i dislike the most and it's all over the season and i'm bored!

there's such missed potential in a charles & manon friendship, that ties into skam not knowing how to deliver an enemies to lovers plotline in an organic way. the fastest way to make that happen is to have william blackmail noora into a date... which immediately ruins everything because that's just an incredibly nasty thing to do. and charles (william?) never truly does anything to redeem himself. they have a nice dynamic during the sleepover scene but charles is too occupied being the Mysterious Bad Guy™ and also super creepy in general and it just doesn't work!

i swear that in every moment where the show kinda did its job and made me empathize and understand charles, he just said something so emotionally abusive and manipulative that it'd took me out instantly. and i can't remember if william did the same in most of those scenes.

it's sad because noora's season is never about noora, but her relationship w william. there's nothing to be said about her family, her morality, her ideals, her friendships, her conflicts. everything stays the same except for her relationship w william. and here is pretty much the same... at the end, if you're not a noorhelm fan, you'll get bored. and after manon and charles got together everything was boring to me.

idk what i can say to express my dislike for the relationship, because it kinda has already been said. charles just doesn't evolve for the good, it's manon who changes for him because she's the one who has to be the bigger person and give him the benefit of the doubt and try to understand him and get to his intimate side. and i'm so bored of that trope. women are not rehabilitation centers and they shouldn't be forced to deal w someone's toxicity because they may Be Good Inside. anyways watch skam españa season 3

the show doesn't really do anything to acknowledge manon's flaws and while they do address charles' they never do anything to change his toxic ways, so what we're left with is a boring het couple where you have to squint really, really hard to see charles as a highschooler. og's fault too, and france didn't do anything to better it.

what else is there to say... eh. i'm glad i'm done w this because i'm pretty sure it can only get better after this season

[staticscreenwriting]

To the stars beyond the blue - one

Summary: Kathleen Sawyer has a problem with authority and people telling her what to do, especially if “people” is her Stepdad Dave. Having had enough of her attitude, Dave and her mom decide it’s time for her to leave behind the temptations of New York City and learn some responsibility while staying with her aunt Susan in small, sleepy Hawkins, Indiana. Though what neither of them know, is that the biggest temptation is waiting for her right there and it comes with a mullet and a killer smile.

This is gonna be an 18+ series. I’m planning to add quite a bit of smut, swearing and topics that could potentially be triggering to some people (domestic abuse - physical and emotional). The abuse will not be romanticized, I promise you that. Just be aware that these themes will be mentioned and explored. 

next chapter >>

Chapter one - meet Kathleen

Ron’s Deli smells like old grease and cigarette smoke and the fluorescent lights send a loud buzzing noise through the entire place. There’s an assortment of sandwiches displayed, though I know better than to order any of them. Coffee, that’s what I’m here for. Coffee and warmth.

My boots, still wet from the snow covering the streets outside, make a squeaking sound against the linoleum floor that alerts Ruby who’s slumped over the counter, flicking through some kind of fashion magazine. 

“ Haven’t seen you in a while “ she murmures, eyes focusing back on the magazine, making no attempt to actually take my order. 

“ Some of us actually work, you know “ I reply. That’s not even close to the truth and Ruby knows this just as well as I do. But neither of us acknowledges it because that’s not the relationship we have. I don’t want to talk about it and she doesn’t care. So we settle for superficial quips. 

“ Bite me, Kathleen. “ 

“ Nah thanks, you know my rules. No food at Ron’s. Just coffee “ 

“ Just coffee “ she repeats then turns around and grabs the pot and pours me a big mug of steaming hot coffee.

“ Thanks. Put it on my tab. “ 

She always nods but never actually does. I don’t think I’ve paid for my coffee in years.

I drag myself towards my booth in the furthest corner of the place. I call it my booth but if we’re being overly correct I have to mention that I do, in fact, not have ownership of this particular booth. It’s just the one I always find myself in. Have done so for years.

The tv mounted up in the corner is playing some black and white christmas movie. The volume is too low to hear anything being said but I can tell the movie after a few seconds. Miracle on 34th street. I remember watching it with my dad when I was a kid. He was always big about old black and white movies. 

I never told him but I don’t really like it. There’s a thing about Christmas movies where even though most of them have happy endings, a lot of them always make you feel miserable for a huge amount of the runtime. It’s like “look at this sad person ON CHRISTMAS. Then remember how lucky you are. Because you too could be sad. ON CHRISTMAS “.

It’s very preachy and if I’m being honest, I don’t see the appeal of movies that purposely make me sad. 

Back then I wasn’t really aware of what it feels like to be sad on Christmas. I do now. It’s like they describe it in the movies only 10 times worse. Because there’s no happy ending waiting for you after 120 minutes. It just goes on and leads to a sad new years and a sad spring and a sad summer.

“ Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind...  “ oh fuck right of, Kris you absolute bullshitter.

The bell above the door pulls me from my Christmas blues and I watch a couple stumble into the shop. They’re smiling, holding hands. The dude can’t seem to keep his lips of her neck. She walks up to the counter. I can only imagine Ruby’s annoyed sigh and the roll of her eyes.

“ Hi, two turkey delis please “ the girl says between giggles. I feel kinda bad for her. She must be a tourist. Locals know not to eat at Ron’s. Only coffee. Iced tea in the summer. That’s it.

Ruby grumbles something to them before they settle down in the booth across from me. Well there goes me sulking in silence. I try to ignore their loved up giggles as the warm coffee makes its way down my throat. I really try not to pay them any attention. But once I notice his hand squeezing her boobs, that’s enough to make even me uncomfortable.

I take one last sip then scoot out of the boot hand walk towards Ruby. She’s resorted from flipping through the magazine to using the magazine as a underlay while she paints her nails right there on the counter. Another reason not to eat here. 

“ So what do you say, do I suit this color ? “ She asks and holds a hand out for me to see. She always paints them red, every single time. Apparently they’re all different shades though so far I’ve been unable to see even the slightest difference.

“ Sure. “ 

“ Thanks for the enthusiasm.” 

“ You’re welcome. Anyway, I’m going to head out. Thanks for the coffee. “

Ruby looks up again then throws a disapproving look at the couple that is pretty much dry humping each other at this point “ did the lovebirds scare you off ? Disgusting. “ 

“ Let them be, they’re in love. “ 

She scoffs at that then goes back to her nails “ of course you’d think that. You’re just as bad. “ 

“ What does that mean ? “ 

“ Means I’ve seen you at parties. With guys. It’s uh — quite something really. “ 

“ Ah shut up, Ruby. “ I say and roll my eyes. It’s none of her business really. Though I know it doesn’t come from a place of malice, her words still rub me the wrong way. I have to remind myself that she’s just bitter. She should be married right now, living with her husband in some cute little house in Jersey, popping a few kids and living the suburban dream. Instead he fucked her sister at the rehearsal dinner and she’s left alone, bitter, sad and working at a really shitty deli.

“ Just sayin’ “ 

“ Mmh. Anyway tell your dad I said hi and to call me if he ever feels lonely. “ 

“ You’re vile. “ 

I only smile at that, pull my jacket closer around my body and step into the cold december air.

New York City is always busy. Always. People crowd the streets like ants on a popsicle forgotten on the lawn in a hot summer’s day. Though around christmas time, it feels like twice as many people flock to the city to catch a glimpse of what the perceived to be the ultimate manifestation of christmas magic.

The truth is, it’s cold and loud and crowded and if anything, it’s a perfect reminder just how materialistic we humans really are. If there’s anything to advertise, you’ll get it advertised here. They try to appeal to your innermost romantic. That girl that believes diamonds and flowers are a sign of true love. That kid that still holds faith in santa and miracles.

It makes me a little sick as I pass store after store, bustling with holiday shoppers. 

The further I walk the colder it gets. I tug my beanie further down my head, trying to keep my ears warm as I hop down the steps of the subway station. There’s an older man playing the violin while wearing a santa hat. I toss him a quarter and he gives me a smile and I feel like I’ve just earned a few karma points. Shiny gates, I’m coming for you.

It’s early december and New York is fucking freezing. It’s an all consuming kind of cold. The one you feel seeping through your body all the way to your bones. I wish I could say it goes away once I’m home and snuggled up in my bed. It doesn’t. It’s the kind of cold that stays with you. 

There’s a man eying me as I step on the train, he’s got bushy unkempt eyebrows and a mean mustache. His tongue licks at his bottom lip every few seconds. Like a deranged snake or something, only way creepier. I try to avoid eye contact. Eye contact it seems only works as a silent invitation to guys like him. 

From the corner of my eye I take notice of all his moves though. One has to be prepared always. I grab a hold of my keyes, let them stick out between my knuckles. I don’t know if he notices. I hope he does.

When the train pulls up at my stop, my heart speeds up a little. A silent mantra echoes through my head “please don’t get up. Please don’t get up.” It’s one thing being tough and brave when you’re in a train with many other people. It’s a whole different story when you’re passing through dark, deserted alleyways on your way home.

The trains stops and I wipe my sweaty hand on my jeans. He eyes me again as I step up to the doors. I’m still avoiding eye contact but at this point I can tell that he can tell. I can just about make out as his lips pull into a smirk. There’s nothing amusing about this situation, not to me at least. To think that he finds joy in this makes me physically sick.

The doors open and I step outside, a gust of cold wind hitting my face. I turn around and the doors close behind me and, to my delight, I can see him sitting in the same spot, looking at me through the dirty window of the train. He winks as the train pulls away and I can feel my lunch making its way up my throat again.

I can hear them yelling as I unlock the door. Dave’s voice thunders through the place, spewing expletives and hatred. 

“ Jesus Christ, Joan. What is wrong with you? Spending money on shit we don’t need but the one thing, the one thing I asked you to buy, you forget ? Are you really that fucking dumb ? “

My blood starts boiling though I know better than to step in. It only makes it worse.

Mom says sorry. So many times. Too many times. Her voice is timid and small and I hate that this is what he turns her into. When I was little mom was strong and brave and happy. She was creative and fun and adventurous. Now she’s but a shell of herself. An obedient little housewife who settles for a man that treats her like absolute dirt.

They look up at me as I enter the kitchen room and I can see fear in my mom’s eyes. I think that’s the worst thing. To see your mom scared. No kid should have to see their mom this scared. I wish I didn’t. 

“ Hi. “ 

“ Look who’s finally decided to show up. Where’ve you been ? “ Dave scoffs. He thinks just because my mom spreads her legs for him, he gets any say in what I do. Truth is, he doesn’t give a fuck what I do, he’s just a sucker for control. It’s like his ultimate wet dream, to have us do exactly how he says and behave just the way he asks us to. 

“ Out. “ 

“ Out where ? “

“ None of your business. “ 

“ Kathleen “ mom scolds me. I know she has this fantasy of us three living like a perfect family, all happy and joyful. Smiling at each other as we sit around the dinner table talking about our days before we settle on the couch to watch Happy Days.

That’s not reality though. Reality looks pretty bleak right now. Reality is absolute bullshit.

“ I was at the library, okay ? “ 

“ With a boy ? “ 

“ No, what the fuck are you on about. “ 

“ I know the kind of girl you are, Kat. I know girls like you. “ 

Girls like me. 

Dude doesn’t know shit.

“ Sluts “ he spits out. I know he does it to rile me up. He’s just waiting for me to make a mistake so he can put me in my place and assert his dominance. God, he’s such an asshole.

“ Dave ! Don’t call her th— “ mom doesn’t get to finish the sentence before he smacks her across the face, a loud slapping noise echoing through the room. It never gets easier. Watching him hit her. Watching her excuse his actions. Watching them continue as normal.

“ I told you, to shut up, Joan. You know what happened with the boy. The man.“ 

I lock eyes with her, begging her to say something. Do something. End this misery. She has the power to do so. This is our apartment. Out food. Our money. She has all the power in the world and yet, when she averts her eyes, I know it means nothing. 

Dave looks at me again then flops down on the couch, resting his feet on the couch table and clutching a beer in his meaty slob of a hand.

“ Ma, “ I approach her, wanting to comfort her. This is my mother and despite her flaws and issues, I love her. Sometimes I wonder if she returns the sentiment. 

“ I’m okay. “ 

“ But you’re not!” 

“ I said, I am okay. “ the look in her eyes gives me no room to argue. This conversation is over. This topic is over. For now. 

Because those things are never really over, are they ? 

I take a can of coke from the fridge then sit down on the bench by the window. The snow is softly falling outside and if I didn’t despise the cold so much, I’d even call it pretty. It’s a huge contrast to how things are inside right now. Snow falls slowly, piecefully. My mind is chaos, loud and crowded like Times Square on New Years. 

I try to focus on my book and not on Dave who belches after every gulp of beer or my mom who’s perched on the corner of the couch, close enough for him to feel validated and yet far enough for her own comfort. I hate that this place doesn’t feel like a home anymore. It feels like a prison. Like a cage.

That annoying coke commercial comes on tv and I remember a christmas, many years ago. Dad sits in the recliner, we’re in our old apartment and it’s warm inside. The snow falls softly and the place smells like nutmeg and cinnamon. Mom is happily singing along to the commercial and dad’s placing a kiss on her head and it’s not a very important memory but it means so much to me. Because those christmases were good. 

My eyes wander towards the shelf by the door, the one that holds a lot of things. Those kind of things you don’t know where else to put. There’s a bowl you’re supposed to put keys in, none of us ever do, and a sculpture I made in 4th grade art class. There’s random books and records and a cassette deck that doesn’t work anymore. 

I look the shelf up and down, searching for the one thing in there that means something. The one thing I deliberately placed there because I wanted to see it every time I leave the house.

But it’s gone and my heart shatters.

“ Where’s the picture of dad ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ mom looks up at me. I can see it in her eyes. She heard me just right and she knows where it is.

“ The picture of dad on the shelf. Where is it ? “ 

“ It’s time to move on “ Dave chimed in with his throaty, dark voice. He sounds like he constantly has a meatball stuck in his gullet. It’s fucking disgusting. “ He’s been dead for years now. No use in grieving no more. “ 

Use in greiving ? Does he think we chose to be sad ? Does he really think I can just go and decide not to miss my dad anymore ? Not to be sad anymore ? Not to feel like my heart is bursting into a million little pieces whenever something reminds me of my dad ?

“ What did you do ? “ 

“ Put it where it belongs ?  “ 

I can feel the hot red rage burning inside, behind my eyes, in the tips of my fingers. 

“ What does that mean ? “ 

“ He’s gone, Kat. Get over it. I live here now and I don’t wanna be reminded of that fact that your ma had another man before me. It don’t matter no more, you’re my family now !” he bellows, getting off his ass and towering over me like a giant sequoia tree.

This man doesn’t know the first thing about being a family. I don’t know a lot about it either but I know this isn’t it.

“ Fuck you, Dave. Dad belongs here ! We’re his family, mom is his wife. You’re just some asshole she keeps around for god knows what reasons. Just a boyfriend, those come and go “.

He’s awfully silent at that. It’s scarier than the yelling and the mean words. Like he’s taking it all in, waiting, building. It’s gonna come crashing down on me in a minute, I just know it.

The snarl disappears and makes room for a smirk so unsettling, it freezes my blood right there in my veins.

“ Is that so ? Tell her Joan. “ 

“ Tell me what ? “ Oh god. Oh god, no.

“ Dave, this is not the ti— “ 

“ Tell her ! “ he yells and mom flinches then turns to me, eyes never once leaving the carpet.

“ Baby, Dave and I we — we decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level.” 

No. 

No.

No.

“ We’re getting married. “

“ No. “ I say, as if my opinion matters to anyone here. “ Mom, you can’t. You can’t do this. Mom “ 

I beg and I plead and I can feel the tears rising, hardly able to keep them at bay. I feel so small, so helpless.

“ We can and we will ! We’ve also talked about you … “ Dave starts and by the satisfied smirk on his face I can tell whatever he’s about to say, I won’t like it.

“ We had a long discussion about you and your behavior. The skipping school, the parties, the boys. It needs to stop. You need to learn some responsibility. Some respect. “ 

“ Mom. “ I try to meet her eyes, try to get her attention. This can’t be happening. 

“ It’s for the best, baby. “ 

“ What is ? “ 

Dave takes over the conversation again. God I wish he would just disappear. Vanish into nothingness. Where he belongs. “ We think the city is no good place for a young woman to grow up. Too many distractions. Too many temptations. How could you ever become a proper wife growing up in this place. “

“ Are you saying you want to send me away ? “ 

Mom looks up at me finally, and I can see the pain in eyes. And for the first time, I am glad. I hope she’s hurting. I hope it rips her heart out. I hope she feels the same pain she did when dad died. Because this, this is on her. This is a conscious choice she makes. For herself. For me. For our family.

I hope it hurts her because it kills me.

“ I uh — I talked to Susan. You remember her, right ? My half-sister. She uh — she lives in this cute little town in Indiana. Lots of nature. It’s very picturesque she says. They have a house there, she and her husband and the kids. Her step son is your age. I think — I think It’d do you some good. Susan says he’s calmed down his temper since they moved. Maybe it will work for you. “ 

I want to say so much. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum but the pain I feel numbs me to my bones. It’s like all energy is sucked right out of me. I’m too exhausted to react. Too exhausted to fight back.

So I do what I do best. I run. Take my keys, my jacket, my bag. And I run out into the night. The snow. The cold.

Whatever is out there isn’t half as harsh as what’s waiting for me in this place.

I know I have to go back eventually but for now I need to get out and save myself from drowning in my own despair. In the picture of a family that is no family at all and the memories of what used to be.

As I walk down the street I pass a park. There’s a concert going on. A choir sings “ Have yourself a merry little christmas”.

I want to throw up. I do throw up, in the bin by the park bench. 

Merry fucking christmas, Kathleen. I’m sure it’ll be a great one.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light From now on your troubles will be out of sight”

Absolute bullshit, my dudes. Absolute bullshit.

[whumpster-dumpster]

Love your prompts! They give me a lot of ideas- you're absolutely my favorite whump blog. Though, the era of cringe culture still clings to me. I can't really write whump yet without feeling kind of... stupid? Has this happened to you at all?

Yeah, sometimes I get self conscious wondering if people will get tired or bored of me writing a ton of whump, but it does kinda reassure me that there are lots of other writers doing the exact same thing! The fact that there’s a community doing this makes it better because I know they’ll appreciate it. 

And it’s like, if I have a whump idea that I’m super excited about, it makes me feel worse to keep it bottled up instead of writing it. Because that’s a story somebody could miss out on, that they really could’ve enjoyed if I’d put it out. But you choose to write for yourself before anybody else. If you write those ideas and don’t post them because you want to keep them private, that’s cool too! You do it for you and what you’re comfortable with first. 

Sorry I got preachy 😂 But cringe culture is cringe itself. Making people feel stupid for what they like creating is mean and unjustified. No creativity is stupid.

[nextgensquad]

Which kids from the next gen don't get along that well (if there are any)?

Thank you so much for this question, anon! Sorry it took us so long to answer. This got a little bit long since four of us had answers, so we’re putting it under a cut to save everybody’s dashboards. This was really fun to think about, so thank you! 

Ellie:

I tend to write my kids as being a fairly disparate bunch these days, so while a few pockets here and there do count each other as actual friends (Dominique and Molly, for example) most of them have the majority of their friends outside the family. Not to say they dislike each other, they just aren’t especially close. That being said, there are a couple who just don’t get along at all:

Lily and Victoire tend to butt heads a lot. Lily thinks Victoire is patronising and judgey, and Victoire thinks Lily is attention-seeking and fake.

Rose and Lily also do not get on so well. Lily thinks Rose is weird and finds her quietness creepy. Rose thinks Lily is deliberately flakey and also attention-seeking and it pisses her off too.

None of them really have a clue what’s up with Hugo, and he tends to avoid them all when he can.

Albus hates Fred because he thinks Fred is preachy, a suck-up and boring. Fred loves Albus all the same.

Becca:

I always have trouble answering these questions because I have more than one version of my next gen, and the one that I’ve written most isn’t necessarily the most interesting on paper (I love them very much all the same, but I invented them a long time ago). However, they’re a lot more fleshed out than the other version, so I’m going to answer for them.

In my primary universe, the Weasley-Potter clan is a close-knit family, who nevertheless bicker and argue constantly. They grew up in each other’s pockets so they know each other extremely well, especially the ones close in age, which is sometimes an advantage and sometimes distinctly not.

James and Rose argue all the time, to the point that the rest of the family get sick of it. In some ways they’re too similar; in others, very different. They’re both much too competitive, like to be in charge, and enjoy scoring points off other people, and they know exactly how to wind each other up. 

In fact James is probably the one who argues most with other people in his family, mostly because he’s just kind of a dick. 

Molly and Lucy don’t get on too well a lot of the time, not because they don’t love each other (they do) but because they each find the other very frustrating. Molly can’t understand Lucy’s weird obsessions and enthusiasms, and Lucy just wishes Molly would get passionate about something for once. 

Are we including the non-Weasley next gen here? Because if so, James and Scorpius have a deep-seated dislike of each other. Nobody can quite understand where it comes from or how it started (beyond the obvious family divide, and the fact that, again, James is kind of a dick), but it seems to have been an instant, automatic and mutual thing. It lasts the whole way through their school years, and although it improves a bit later,  they’re never going to like each other. 

Pearl:

I love this question, thank you so much, anon! I do tend to have most of my kids getting along decently because that’s one value I think all of the Weasleys would have imprinted on their kids no matter what, but of course, there’s no fun without drama.

After Teddy and Victoire break up, there’s a bit of a divide between who will speak to Teddy and who won’t. Dominique and Louis take their sister’s side and Louis never liked Teddy that much anyway. James and Lily lean towards Teddy’s side and Al is kinda caught in the middle entirely.

James and Fred and Louis were close when they were kids and shoved together because of being the same age but they drifted apart once they were sorted into different Houses and Fred and James in particular have never been able to recover their friendship–Fred thinks James is feckless and destructive to those around him and James thinks Fred is overly-sensitive and nerdy.

The Potter kids love each other a lot but James and Lily have never fully accepted Scorpius as Al’s best friend and likely won’t for a long while because they think he’s bad for Al.

Al and Rose’s relationship gets damaged around their early teens due entirely to both of them having feelings for Scorpius and not confiding in each other and they both think the other is a coward for the way they handle things.

Hugo and Lily never really get along; Lily thinks he’s a stuck-up dick and Hugo thinks she’s an annoying attention-seeker. Dominique tries to help but never succeeds.

Jane:

Oh, this is fun! As the others tease me for, I have about four established verses and then a handful of dynamics which exist for one-offs and oneshots, but I’ve decided to go with my third universe because it’s the one I was using to do the nextgenmeme with. It’s not the most interesting for this question, unfortunately (e-2 has a lot more in-fighting and inter-family feuds, and e-4 has more creative conflicts because of all the spies, crime, lies and running away to live in a forest), but it’s the one with the dynamics I’ve explored the most.

There’s a big blow-up between all the school aged lot (James, Molly, Al, Rose, Scor, Lucy, Roxanne, Lorcan, Lysander, Lily, Hugo + their own overly opinionated friends) when Al’s in Sixth Year and James is in Seventh. The Weasleys themselves are actually pretty well-behaved—a lot of the conflict comes from the opinions of their friends who get involved—but Al catches feelings for James’ girlfriend/Rose’s best friend, and it’s a fiasco. Albus has no intention of doing anything about it (his best friend is Team Homewreck, though, despite being in love with Albus himself, because he thinks Albus deserves what makes him happy—Lucy almost breaks his nose when he expresses this opinion, because she is firmly Anti Homewreck), but James ends up breaking up with his girlfriend because he doesn’t want to hurt his brother (and Albus never had any intention of telling him, because he didn’t want to hurt his brother), and the Hogwarts lot all have their opinions on what the right course of action was.

Rose and Albus never stopped being friends, but they had their own distinct friend groups, and the incident sort of brought them back closer together than ever, although there was some initial sharpness on Rose’s part towards both Potter boys because her best friend ended up getting her heart broken from the whole mess. Lucy, on the other hand, thought they were all being absolute dicks about the issue and basically argued with literally every cousin who’d had any part to play, either as a main player or just adding opinions which contributed to the mess, until they apologised to said ex-girlfriend.

Hugo and Lucy are both extremely opinionated and fight all the time. Lucy’s always stuck to her guns about doing the right thing, even to the point of going up against her entire family, whereas Hugo’s Slytherin to his core and whilst he inherited his mother’s values, he also inherited her ruthlessness and is very much an ‘ends justify the means’ type. They love each other, but family dinners tend to feature equal parts them arguing and Lucy mocking his monogrammed cufflinks being pretentious, which all only get worse as they get older and he decides to run for Minister with the aid of Alexandria Greengrass’ campaign team. It’ll get better around about when they’re in their mid-to-late twenties, but there’s a lot of arguing to sit through.

James and Lucy used to argue in Hogwarts, but that was pretty minor stuff. Mostly James knows Lucy has excellent reflexes and thinks she’d be an astounding Quidditch player, and she always point-blank refused to have anything to do with the sport. Gryffindor common room saw a lot of him cajoling her.

Hugo and Roxanne don’t understand each other at all, which leads to some tense moments at times (like when Roxanne wants to be a muggle mechanic and he just can’t fathom why), but generally they just take half an hour and calm down again.

Louis and Scorpius fall out for a bit in their twenties, but generally get along pretty well. Hugo and Lorcan don’t get on at all, though. Hugo, Lucy, Lysander and Albus are probably the more difficult personalities of my lot, although Rose has her moments when she gets irritated.

[vecna]

Oohh for the fandom meme! Dragon Age?

Send me a fandom!

Oh boy, this is going to be spicy.

It’s also very Anders-negative, so apologies up front.

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

I’m actually not sure which was the FIRST, but it’s a tie between Morrigan and Alistair. I saw fanart of them going around at the time Origins first released, and that’s what got me to try the game! 

Alistair was a breath of fresh air, because at the time, I was used to warrior men in games being all Edgy and Rough, and he was the total opposite and a sweetheart.

And Morrigan was just instantly my goth wife, and had Claudia Black as a VA, so I was sold immediately.

Both still hold a special place for me!

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Loghain is the main one. He does a lot of truly reprehensible shit in the first game. But once I sat down and read the prequel novels about young Loghain, plus saw what he’s like if you recruit him, he grew on me A LOT and now he’s a top fave.

Nathaniel I expected to hate as soon as I saw his name + who his father was, but then the expansion came out and I ended up loving that dude almost immediately. I really wish he was around more after Awakening, and also really wish he’d been a romance option, especially for a Cousland haha.

Merrill is a weird one because she was totally uninteresting to me in DA:O, so when they announced her as a companion in DA2 I was like, “Ehhhh.” Then they punked me by making her adorable and sweet and now I love her.

Plus a bunch of side-characters like The Architect? I liked him a bunch in the novel + Awakening – although I found his Plan in the novel much more appealing. But as the years have gone by, I keep surprising myself at just HOW disappointed I am he’s never appeared again haha.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

There’s a few, and all of them will get me yelled at, but here we go.

First: Isabela. This one’s a bit complicated, but it really just boils down to her attitude towards how you play your character. I actively dislike characters who are super sexual – regardless of gender. But Isabela in particular bothers me because she’s constantly pushing her lewdness and sexual humor on you, and when you try to discourage it, she admonishes you with, “Well, you’re no fun.” Her whole character is just… like that for me. Super pushy, overly lewd, gets uppity when you don’t have the same ~liberated~ opinions she does, and this is all played up in the writing like she’s this Empowered Woman the player absolutely must love, especially if they’re playing a male character lol. I hate her for the same reasons a lot of people hate Liara in Mass Effect, but with the addition of pushy lewd jokey characters always rubbing me the wrong way.

Second: Iron Bull. I’ve written a lot about why he makes me more uncomfortable than any fictional character I’ve ever encountered, and I just outright hate him, he makes my skin crawl. If you want details, feel free to DM me, I don’t really want to rant about it again publicly.

Third: Anders. Again, I’ve written a lot about him before, but. I hated him in Awakening, for a lot of the same reasons I hate Isabela in DA2. But the changes they made to him in DA2 are just kinda :/. While I absolutely agree with him about Mage Rights, the level of preachiness they added to him drove me nuts, and the fact that you’re painted as a Bad Guy if you don’t like him blowing up the chantry. And from a purely OOC standpoint: He’s become a figurehead for all the aggressive Discourse people in the fandom, and if I see someone list Anders in their sidebar bio, I know pre-emptively that their blog is going to be full of 6 page long essays of meta about how everything is Problematic, and no thanks.

To a lesser extent, I’m also not fond of Zevran. But in his case, it’s not anything major like the others, I’m just tired of Bioware’s habit of making the bisexual characters overly lewd sex-focused rogues/deviants.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Loghain, lol.

But also Sebastian Vael? There’s so much about him that I find genuinely fascinating, especially regarding his backstory, and his struggles between his feelings of responsibility to his family vs his dedication to the Chantry and bettering himself. He’s such a dear character to me, and such a pivotal part of any playthrough, I’m always blown away when I remember he’s a DLC character and many people don’t have him.

HOWEVER Anders being the fandom darling means that people tend to unfairly shit on Sebastian for reacting poorly to the Chantry explosion. People also like to label him as a poster child of a White Straight Church Boy, while refusing to acknowledge he’s… not straight, and not exactly a church boy either lol.

Also Vivienne, but I think that one’s really self-explanatory. I love her, and she gives a really needed perspective on the Circle, since most of the mage companions previously were apostates. But of course, she gets written off as a Chantry apologist, and an uppity bitch, when people would def love her for the same traits if she was not black lol.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Justice. And by extension, Anders. A lot of people like to rant about how Justice ruined Anders, but I always saw it the other way around.Justice was my favorite character in Awakening. The whole concept around him, that he was a Fade spirit who took human form and was experiencing life for the first time was SO fascinating. I felt like there was so much to explore there with his character.

Buuuut then they had him merge with Anders. With the narrative being that he WAS a spirit of Justice, but the moment he connected with Anders, it corrupted his entire spirit into something he wasn’t anymore. So essentially, the character I used to love no longer exists, thanks to Anders. And it reminds me of that phrase recently, about how the destination is so terrible you can no longer enjoy the journey? I can’t even appreciate Justice in Awakening anymore, knowing what happens to him.

To a lesser extent, Corypheus. He was SO COOL and the premise of him was AMAZING when he first appeared in the DA2 DLC, but then Inquisition had to go and turn him into a weird shallow mustache twirl villain.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None? Idk I don’t really have the Smooch Fictional Character gene.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

MAEVARIS TILANI. May I one day finally have the confidence in my identity that she does, and also marry a sweet bear man who adores me.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Too many to list, really. Probably Anders.

The pairing(s) that I love:

THERE’S SO MANY. And most of them are with the PC, because I generally don’t ship NPCs together. But my top 3 are:

M!Hawke / Fenris is my ultimate OTP in the Dragon Age series, by a long-shot. Not even sure where to start on how much I love it, but two damaged guys leaning on each other to work through their respective loneliness and trauma is MY JAM. And lmao I love silver-sideburned Hawke chillin in retirement somewhere but being a supportive husband while Fenris goes off hunting the Bad Guys, it’s great.

Solas / Lavellan is a close second, with the caveat that I increasingly prefer it with a male Lavellan. Having the Inquisitor in love with Solas just changes the entire tone of the game for me, for the better, and him actually being the villain trying to end the world while in love with this normie elf is just (chef kiss). Too bad I’m burned out by how overly spammed it is.

Dorian / Inquisitor is in third, I will just always be fond of how it’s a story of the Inquisitor helping Dorian be happy with who he is, escape an abusive family, and realize that he’s allowed to be loved. Good shit good shit.

Some others:

Warden / Morrigan is probably my favorite Origins ship, and that only intensified with the way she talks about the Warden in Inquisition, esp if they’re Kieran’s other parent. What a cute goth family, regardless of the Warden’s gender, cause you can pry Bi Morrigan from my cold dead fingers.

Cassandra / Inquisitor might have a lot of Romance Cliches, but I adore it – although, similar others, I increasingly prefer it with a female Inquisitor. I actively dislike the weird no-homo rejection with her, and come on, a lady Inquisitor being her Knight In Shining Armor is just good storytelling.

Cullen / Inquisitor, for a lot of the same reasons as Cassandra. I love me a cliche romance, but I’m also fond of the narrative w/ him of someone he loves helping him heal through the lyrium withdrawals and take time to rest.

Josephine / F!Inquisitor is just adorable all around, and wholesome, and great.

Varric / Hawke COME ON HOW WAS THIS NOT AN OPTION.

On the rarepair end:

Sebastian / Hawke doesn’t seem like it would be a rarepair – you’d think everyone who loves Cullen/Inquisitor would love this one too. I do! But alas. That said, I’m also pretty aggro about this one with a male Hawke because SEBASTIAN IS CANON BI. WHY WAS HIS ROMANCE STRAIGHT.

Maric / Loghain is a rarepair I will take with me to my grave LOL. Never forget the scene where Maric thought Loghain was leaving, and bolted across the camp with almost no clothes on to beg Loghain to stay. Come on.

Nathaniel / Cousland is dear to me, and I love it so much more than Alistair / Cousland haha.

Greagoir / Wynne, I can’t believe this got validated in canon ahhhh.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

Again: THERE’S SO MANY.

Iron Bull / Dorian is my least fave by a longshot. Again, I have written about why I hate this pairing a great many times, but it’s awful and toxic and makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I could happily go the rest of my life without seeing anything about it ever again. Please keep poor Dorian away from that man. He deserves someone that doesn’t sexually harass him until he’s finally worn down into dubious consent (while drunk) and then outted to everyone about it.

Isabela / Fenris. Sorry, but it’s just bad writing that Fenris bails on Hawke because the physical intimacy triggered his PTSD and he needs space to process, but then will turn around and have a casual sex relationship with Isabela instead. Yikes.

Anders / Fenris. Aveline / Isabela. Alistair / Morrigan. All of the DA2 Hawke/companion rivalmances. I don’t enjoy “these two people hate and antagonize and want to kill each other… but they fuck” in any form.

Cullen / Amell. Yikes.

And basically ALL of the canon wlw pairings in this series suffer from the fact they have men writing them, and as a result they’re almost always some kind of abusive or racist, and skeeve me out. See: Celene / Briala, Leliana / Marjolaine, Branka / Hespith, etc. Please Bioware, I’m begging you to consult some actual queer women. It’s insane how badly they’re treated compared to how the canon mlm couples are written.

FINALLY, I recognize this will be the most unpopular of all, but. As much as I love M!Hawke/Fenris, I just honestly cannot stand seeing F!Hawke/Fenris. There are some pairings where I’m so attached to the m/m or f/f version, I cannot deal with the m/f version anymore, and that’s one of them. (The others are mainly non-Bioware.)

[drewinator23]

FE3H MBTI [Dimitri — ISFJ]

lol so. it looks like a lot of people are subscribing to the idea that dimitri is an ENFJ, in contrast to edelgard, who is supposedly an ENTJ. i believe that misses the point of these characters — and their dynamic — almost entirely, especially in dimitri’s case. while i will say i think edelgard is an INTJ, at least that isn’t too far off from ENTJ. the cognitive difference between ISFJ and ENFJ though...oh boy, where do i start.

the whole dimitri/edelgard conflict isn’t so much a clash between Fe and Te as it is a clash between Si and Ni — with dimitri, of course, representing the former. Fe vs Te does come into play a little (ISFJ’s auxiliary Fe vs INTJ’s auxiliary Te), but i honestly think the main focus of their clash is the past vs future dynamic typical of Si/Ni conflict.

ISFP seems to be a popular choice for dimitri too, but tbh i think a lot of people are mistaking his Si for Fi. i just want to say, right now, that this man...does not have Fi. lol. not in his main functions anyway (yes i will be getting into shadow functions, and cognitive loops, and all that good stuff, so if that’s not your cup of tea then here’s your warning!) ...but yeah let’s get into it.

Dominant Si 

“I must never forget that day. I must never allow their deaths to be forgotten.”

dimitri has a very strong connection to the past. and this doesn’t just apply to his past, but to the concept of the past in general. in stark contrast to edelgard, dimitri vehemently believes in “preserving what deserves to be preserved,” which is an important factor in why his methods are far less radical than hers. he believes it’s possible to improve the system currently in place without tearing it from the ground up the way edelgard does. he places a lot more focus on honoring the fallen, on reminiscing about days gone by, and on respecting tradition in general. and this isn’t to say he’s a dense fuck. dimitri is very much capable of criticizing tradition where it’s due, and we see him do this on multiple occasions. it’s just that he has a lot more appreciation for the positive aspects of tradition/“the past” which edelgard seems to ignore completely. where edelgard wishes her “worthless dreams of the past” would go away, dimitri legit admits to relying on his headaches/nightmares of the past as reminders because he is genuinely afraid to forget the faces of those he “let die,” along with those he killed. he believes forgetting their faces would be an insult to their memory. he talks about his history with edelgard far more than she talks about her history with him. he becomes furious when edelgard’s forces attack the holy tomb and “desecrate the dead.” i think you guys get where i’m going with this. while it’s true that a substantial amount of dimitri’s connection to the past is unhealthy, that’s largely due to the trauma he suffers, along with the cognitive imbalance stemming from his Si-Ti loop. obsessing over the past the way dimitri does is far more indicative of an unhealthy Si user than it is of shadow Si, which is more likely to just abandon the past altogether...or uh, “trample the past underfoot” (looking at you, hegemon edelgard). 

“I owe you, just as I owe the spirits of those I let die.”

second point — duty. (i’m guessing this is the point a lot of people confuse for Fi. dimtiri’s pretty preachy, yeah, but not all talk about justice is inherently rooted in Fi. more on that later though.) this guy literally constructs his entire life around the idea of fulfilling his duty, be it his duty to his father, his duty to dedue’s people, his duty to his kingdom, etc. he constantly talks about his need to fulfill these duties, and pretty much all the effort he puts into anything is driven by this. even his earlier, more light-hearted supports tend to carry a running theme of him making promises (which he takes almost comedically seriously), encouraging his classmates to be responsible, creating debts to be repaid, and so on. the only reason he even goes to the academy in the first place is, by his own admission, to fulfill what he perceives as his duty as the Sole Survivor of the Tragedy of Duscur™. obsessive revenge is a fucked up conception of duty, sure, but it transforms into something healthier by the end of the story while remaining very distinctly Si. his duty to ghosts becomes his duty to the living — to the people in his kingdom who need him now. essentially, he develops a more constructive attitude toward duty that helps both him and the people he constantly feels he “owes.” my boi snaps out of his Si-Ti loop and becomes a bro again once dat aux Fe and inf Ne come back to balance shit out, y’know what i’m saying? anyway speaking of aux Fe,

Auxiliary Fe

“This victory is the result of everyone’s hard work. Thank you, my friends.”

academy phase dimitri (and i guess uh...post-post-timeskip dimitri) is just about the nicest guy ever. he can be stiff and awkward to the point of being comically serious at times, sure (thanks dominant Si), but he’s generally very polite and agreeable. he’s conscious of the atmosphere in his conversations and always makes an effort to keep things comfortable for everyone involved. tbh he could make do with less of the whole constantly-falling-over-himself-apologizing thing, and it would be kinda cool if “sorry” didn’t make up over 90% of his dialogue, but i digress. regret is dimitri’s middle name so it kinda makes sense for it to permeate even his most mundane interactions. ANYWAY my point is — dimitri’s always trying to make sure everyone gets along and he generally prioritizes harmony over being fully honest about his own feelings, which strikes me as a lot more Fe than Fi. a simple but hopefully effective example of this is his support with flayn where he eats her awful fucking food and tells her it’s delicious even though he can’t taste it. he later admits to her that he was only saying what he thought she’d want to hear, which is like...peak Fe my dudes. a good chunk of his support and even main story dialogue involves him trying to smooth things over, prevent conflict, let people know they did a good job, and so on. and this isn’t just with respect to the other blue lions, but to the other house leaders as well. a lot of the praise he dishes out commends hard work and effort (thanks dominant Si), but his focus is also largely on teamwork and cooperation. 

“I saved someone—saved you. That and that alone has always been my crutch.”  

now on to the darker side of...not-so-healthy Fe users. dimitri openly admits to dedue that saving him gave him a reason to live, that it makes him think it was worthwhile that someone “like [him]” survived. and this savior complex doesn’t just apply to his relationship with dedue, but to his behavior and decisions in general. it’s exacerbated by the sense of genuine responsibility and duty he attaches to everything (thanks dominant Si), and it sparks up in many different ways. he admits that he feels like it’s his responsibility to help the orphans at the monastery, since he lost his family like they did. he tells byleth he wants to become like rodrigue, whom he describes as “someone who can reach out and save a lost soul.” he apologizes to byleth for not being able to save jeralt (?? BRUH.) he begs byleth to tell him how he can “save” the ghosts of his loved ones, even though they’re...you know. dead. i think this prob comes from his endless regret that he couldn’t actually stop anyone from dying in the tragedy, so he’s just obsessed with saving everyone he can now. in any case, dimitri feels the pain of loss in war very, very acutely, which is why he freaks the fuck out in remire. he later admits the flames in remire reminded him of the flames in duscur, which flung him into the same rage he associates with what happened in duscur, even though he had no particular connection to the villagers in remire. he absorbs the suffering of people around him like a sponge and surprise surprise it breaks his mind. eventually his Fe gets overloaded af and shuts down (hello Si-Ti loop), but even unhinged dimitri shows an occasional connection to others’ feelings — endearingly so when he pats a random orphan’s head, and eerily so when he sympathizes with fleche’s bloodlust and allows her to join the party because of it.

Tertiary Ti

“He’s dead. There goes our chance to gain more information.”

dimitri’s introverted realm is one of Si and Ti. he wants to reconcile his understanding of what happened in the past with a logical, substantial explanation, and he works tirelessly to find this explanation. this becomes increasingly apparent when he actually spends time alone — when he isn’t in the company of others, dimitri is far more research-oriented than he is overtly sentimental. he is interested in learning the facts of his circumstances, and he spends hours in the library looking for answers, trying to find out for himself what really happened. he is skeptical of the generally accepted “truth” that duscur itself is to blame, and instead believes that the blame foisted on it is meant to cover up something far more underhanded. of course, he is right about this, and he conducts as much research as he can to get to the bottom of the event. he spends hours in the library, late into the night. he reads about his uncle, lord arundel, and immediately suspects his involvement because the church’s records of his donations abruptly stop right before the tragedy. dimitri questions the man himself about this during their brief encounter pre-timeskip, though it (predictably) doesn’t really lead anywhere. he tries this again post-timeskip, but arundel dies before dimitri can pry too much out of him, which the latter bitterly laments. 

“That is merely the logic of the living. It’s meaningless.”

much like dimitri’s Si, his Ti becomes warped once he enters his Si-Ti loop — feeding into a harsh, twisted, self-deprecating sort of logic that only reinforces itself and ignores other viewpoints (thanks to Fe and Ne shutting down). he becomes uncharacteristically blunt and critical, and the colder, more cynical view of the world we see glimpses of pre-timeskip becomes far more pronounced. in his mind, it doesn’t make sense for the living to move on in hopes of appeasing the dead. turning a blind eye to the dead is blasphemous, and anyone who believes that the dead would want the living to do so is merely adopting “the logic of the living” — a delusion to make themselves feel better. this belief likely helps him rationalize his own desire for revenge, and inability to let go of his past, and so the Si-Ti loop reinforces itself. to reiterate though, dimitri’s Ti is incredibly helpful and constructive when he isn’t loopy (ahahah. get it.) but anyway yeah, in short, his analytical process is typically far more introverted than the sensitive, emotion-focused approach he maintains externally. also, his attention to detail and refusal to accept things at face value are more subtle, covert elements of his personality, but they are definitely there. it’s not as pronounced as claude’s auxiliary Ti, sure, but tertiary Ti ain’t a force to be reckoned with either.

Inferior Ne

“Lineage, race, faith, ideologies... If we could just accept each other and make mutual concessions, one step at a time... Perhaps... Who knows if that’s even possible.”

again, this is one of claude’s functions but more baby. take upside down man’s dominant Ne and make it a bit smoller, more scared, and quicker to shut down. inferior Ne is brilliant, but unfortunately the fourth function tends to be one of insecurity. dimitri aspires to be open-minded and accepting (there’s a reason the inferior function is sometimes called the aspirational function), but it’s something he admittedly struggles with at times. he believes in compromise and understanding, and not just in an Fe way — dimitri advocates for reaching out to other perspectives in war, in politics, and in various other contexts throughout the story. it isn’t the first thing on his mind, but it’s an ideal he genuinely admires. and later in the game, once he snaps out of his loop (which is inherently tunnel-visioned due to its introverted nature), he opens up to the idea again and seeks to understand edelgard’s point of view. he asks to speak with her, to get a better idea of where she’s coming from, to negotiate and hopefully reach a mutual understanding. this echoes his dialogue in chapter 3, where he laments the incident with lord lonato and expresses his belief that they shouldn’t have cut him down, but talked to him instead. dimitri’s Si-Ti loop effectively shuts this desire down, for a very long time, but it finally wakes up again once byleth reminds him “there must be another way.”

“I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway.”

again, as long as byleth is there to steer him back on track, we all know the answer dimitri gets to this in the end. there is always an air of uncertainty about it all — and he definitely needs someone to help kick that inferior into “aspirational mode” — but he is ultimately capable of it. it begins as more of a question than anything, but with guidance it becomes an ideal he can properly believe in and seek for himself. it’s what allows him to finally reach for edelgard’s hand in the end. once he accepts the parts of himself he previously couldn’t, he finds himself able to accept edelgard as well — to extend that same mercy to her. once he’s out of his loop, he doesn’t just regain awareness of his loved ones’ needs with Fe, but becomes invested in understanding their perspectives and motivations again with Ne. he listens to people again, lets them help him, asks them questions, and shows genuine curiosity in their answers. claude would be proud eh?

Shadow Functions

okay here we go. i’m going to make this part shorter since it’s the main functions that matter most, and i know not everyone subscribes to the idea of shadow functions. but anyway here’s the dirt.

Opposing Se

“It’s not that I have grown weary...more that I find it difficult to be around everyone at the moment.”

this man literally cannot taste food. do i even need to elaborate? okay for real though, dimitri often finds it hard to remain present. he’s often caught up in his duties with Si, or worrying about the atmosphere with Fe, or stuck in his research with Ti, and so on. he is very much capable of making pleasant conversation, but actually feeling present is very difficult for him, and he even goes so far as to describe joy as “fleeting.” he struggles to enjoy festivities, claiming they “don’t suit [him],” and prefers instead to chat with byleth about his childhood. he can’t truly enjoy the meals he eats with others, but he remarks about the dishes he “used to love as a child.” trauma aside, dimitri finds genuine comfort in reminiscing about the past, and he often brings it up in his conversations with others. this is a classic dynamic between dominant Si and the opposing Se that comes along with it.

Critic Fi

“Whatever my feelings, it is all the act of a monster.”

dimitri’s personal feelings are...very, very low on his priority list. and despite all his preaching, he ultimately believes that whatever his personal moral compass may be, it doesn’t justify his actions. and he extends this belief to everyone else as well. simply put, dimitri doesn’t think any set of ideals or morals can justify the actions committed in war. as Aleczandxr words it, “the only reality of war is tragedy for him. there is no such thing as a ‘glorious’ or ‘romantic’ death, and sacrifice is blasphemy.” this is evident in his disgust at people trying to glorify glenn’s death (which dimitri ironically shares with felix — who of course has demon Fi — but that’s a topic for another time.) no subjective concept of morality could possibly justify murder, in any context, and this belief is a burden dimitri admits he believes he will carry forever. dimitri’s introverted realm is a reconciliation between Si and Ti, not Si and Fi. although he believes this should apply to everyone in theory, he often struggles to voice it outright, leading to the hypocritical dynamic that often comes with auxiliary Fe and critic Fi. an example of this is when he tells ashe not to beat himself up for what happened with lord lonato, in an attempt to comfort him, but then proceeds to beat himself up for the exact same thing as soon as ashe leaves. furthermore, the advice he gives marianne in his support with her is to understand that she doesn’t have to “force [her]self to smile as [her] soul bleeds,” though that is exactly what he does for the majority of the academy phase. in any case, the fact that he chooses to give her this specific advice, of all things, is telling.

Trickster Te

“I do not want you to die a death like that. Not even for the sake of loyalty or duty.”

dimitri struggles with efficiency. his intense loathing of sacrifice, regardless of context, makes it very difficult for him to strategize as a commander the way that edelgard does. his rational side is, for the most part, internal; he uses it for his research, his theorizing, his personal endeavors to obtain more information and better understand his circumstances. but he struggles to apply that same level of cold, hard logic while commanding his troops, especially in battle. this comes up in his support with ingrid, who remarks that any good king innately understands some of his soldiers’ lives must be sacrificed for the greater good. she then proceeds to call dimitri’s ideals soft-hearted, which is as good an encapsulation as any of how his Te compares to edelgard’s. war and battlefields aside, dimitri struggles with being harsh in general, preferring to speak to others in softer, more personal terms rather than being blunt. he translates his Ti findings into “acceptable” Fe terms, except for when he enters a loop and said Fe shuts down. during these phases, dimitri is harsh in a manner far more characteristic of “unfiltered” Ti than it is of unrestrained Te, as he snaps at others to leave him alone more than he is inclined to order them around.

Demon Ni

“Do I have the right to live for myself?”

as soon as dimitri snaps out of his Si-Ti revenge craze, his first instinct is to ask who or what he should live for now. and even after byleth tells him to live for what he believes in, it’s very clear in dimitri’s subsequent supports that “what he believes in” is still fulfilling his duty to his kingdom. the difference is that he now has a healthier conception of said duty, and is finally open to accepting his loved ones’ support. that said, he has never been naturally inclined to follow his more personal desires, plainly admitting that he has rarely — if ever — given his own dreams any thought. furthermore, he struggles considerably with looking toward the future, and is unable to do so without byleth, who needs to physically stop him from looking back and guide him onward in the final cutscene. even at his healthiest, dimitri is a defender of the past. he criticizes edelgard by asking her if she would really force people to “throw their lives away for the future,” and warns her that regardless of how strongly she believes in her vision, the future she creates will be “built on a foundation of tears.” this is because he understands, better than most, just how critical the past can be in any individual’s life.

Conclusion

the internet needs to stop hating Si and just let characters be well-written “and Si” at the same time lol. especially in such obvious, practically textbook cases of high Si. one of the most common arguments against Si dimitri is that his devotion to the past is only caused by his trauma, and “isn’t the real him.” the fact of the matter is, dimitri’s Si manifests in so much more than just his duty to avenge the fallen. it plays a huge role in so many other elements of his personality, as do the other functions that come with being an ISFJ. i’m tired of these implications that Ni is some inherently higher, “healthier” form of being lying under literally any indication of Si, which automatically gets discarded as trauma or something lmao. c’mon guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[theincediblesulk]

Hey! So i noticed that you want to help chaotic and protector but theyre kinda lying to you? We haven't bullied them or sent them any hate at all and the stuff they did bring up had happened months ago. We didnt want to start anything and infact, we didnt even start this. The "hate" they've been getting is just people trying to understand what they posted and when we would try, they would accuse us for things we didnt do and harrass us. Im sorry if youre getting dragged into this and toeveryone

Hey there anonnie! Before I start, I just want to say I’m not getting dragged into whatever’s going on for them.

I sent the ask more as a “l read that you’re getting hate and here’s what you should do” thing.

Regardless of what’s said or what’s true, because I only know what I’ve read, I would have sent that ask to anyone. No matter a situation, no one deserves hate messages. And sometimes something that doesn’t seem like hate to one person might seem like hate to another person. Which can make things hard online since there are a lot of things left up to personal interpretation.

I would have sent an ask just like that one to you, if I knew who you were and saw you make a post about a similar thing. Because doing whatever you can to cater and make your online experience a good one is important. If that means you block someone because you feel like what they send you is hateful and makes you feel bad, even if the person sending it might not mean it in that way, then so be it.

I told Alex the same things I’ve been told and the same thing I would have told anyone else. My only aim was to help them make their experience online better for them.

Sorry if this seems preachy or over explained, I’m hoping it makes sense cause I haven’t slept much and wanted to do the best I can to explain. There be a lot of repeat but sometimes that’s need to get a point across.