#sorry ugly crying over this have i mentioned i love this song

[beautifulstorms]

Deanna Stellato-Dudek / Maxime Deschamps, All I Ask • Worlds 2024

[gojotojis]

Butterfly pt. 1

part two

This story will contain sexual assault, I beg you not to read if it will trigger you.

summary: you’re spiraling after a traumatic sexual experience and the only person that sees it is your neighbor.

pairing: gojo satoru x fem reader

content MDNI: mentions of sexual assault, sexual assault, alcohol abuse, depression, anxiety, drugs, ptsd, trauma, age gap, mentions of death/murder via movies

Note: this is actually so personal to me so pls be kind. this is a genuine depiction of my assault, this is me coping. I am in no way glorifying or romanticizing sexual assault, again this is my story. Writing is when I feel most safe and we are all strangers so I’m okay sharing this. Any hate, blame or criticism will be immediately blocked. Also virginity is a social construct.

April

You had been so eager to give away your virginity, and he seemed so nice. He knew all the right things to say, how to make you feel like he really liked you.

He said he was a virgin which made you feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep with him. It started out as kissing which led to more.

You couldn’t help how nervous you were, frozen until he was flipping you onto your stomach. You became terrified when you felt him nudging at your back entrance.

“No,” you breathe, your heart hammered in your chest. You swatted at him but he forced your hands down.

“Please stop” you beg as you tried to squirm away, crying as you felt him pushing into you, tearing you open. You screamed, it was painful and he pulled away.

Your fingers swiped where he hurt you and blood coated them. You crawled away from him until you were grabbing your clothes and running away.

You’re traumatized, but it only worsens when you ignore him for days and he blows your phone up calling you a slut, ugly, fat and a whore.

He spams your phone with videos of him having sex with other girls, him telling you how you don’t compare and that he lied about being a virgin.

You feel like shit, and he pushes it further when he spams your Instagram and messages your friends, flirting with them and saying awful things about you.

You finally block him but the damage is done.

You loved reading more than anything but when a sex scene comes, you’re taken back to that night and the book is ruined.

You can still feel him forcing himself inside of you, it’s like it won’t stop. You cry in the shower, scrubbing your skin till it’s red and raw, hating yourself, blaming yourself for letting this happen.

For being so desperate that you gave something so intimate away to someone so awful.

You tell no one, too ashamed and disgusted with yourself .

Beginning of August

You climb up the stairs, AirPods on full volume with a Mitski song playing. Your fingers tap against your thigh as you hum to yourself.

You’re not paying attention, letting out a small ‘hmph’ when you collide with soemthing hard and fall to the floor on your butt. You’re embarrassed as you look up at the tall man looking down at you.

His hands outstretch to you as his mouth moves but you can’t hear anything over your AirPods. You spot his phone beside you, and grab it. You don’t take his hand as you stand up on your own but you do hand him his phone.

He’s peculiar to say the least, he’s always either wearing a black flindfold or sunglasses, today he’s wearing the blindfold. You have the urge to ask him why he wears it but that’s invasive and rude.

He moved in two months ago right across from you. He’s usually gone for days on end but when he is home, he’s always asking to borrow something from you whether it’s sugar, milk or eggs.

It’s slightly annoying but you’re too scared to tell him, you wonder if he’s ever heard of a grocery store.

His lips are still moving so you pull your AirPods out. “Huh?” You ask, furrowing your brows and lips parting

“Are you okay?” He asks and you nod staring up at him. You think he must be blind, literally and feel actually awful.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve been paying attention,” you say and then it dawns on you, what if he doesn’t go to a grocery store because he can’t see. You start overthinking and guilt racks through you.

“It’s my fault really, what are you listening to?” he asks, you’re confused how he knows you’re listening to music but then again it was blasted. You hold your phone up to him and then internally slap yourself. “Mitski, it’s called I bet on losing dogs,” you explain and he nods.

“I love that song,” he says and your eyes widen, he doesn’t look like he listens to her.

“What’s your favorite song?” You ask, genuinely curious. “What’s yours?” He asks and you don’t know why that makes you laugh for the first time in months. “I bet on losing dogs,” you say.

“That’s my favorite too,” he says, and you wonder if he’s flirting with you. Part of you blushes but the other part of you panics. Does he just want to sleep with you and hurt you? You try to shove the thought down, he asked a simple question.

“I should get going” you say staring at your shoelaces.

“See you around y/n” he says before he’s walking off and you wonder how he knows your name, you never once shared it with him and he’s never shared his.

Mid August

Your head tips back, eyes rolling. The sound of music drowns out as you feel yourself nearly seizing from the red and purple strobe lights. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve blacked out, your mouth tastes disgusting and your throat burns. The cause of it, lying in a puddle on the floor.

You lift your head up, to try and comprehend your surroundings. The girl beside you leans down, holding a rolled up dollar and snorts the thin white line off the table.

She sniffs and turns to you, offering you the dollar, you vowed to never touch that shit but part of you wonders if it’ll make you feel good, the way the alcohol does.

Your brains screaming no, begging you to leave but your fingers grasp it and she dumps more onto the table. She lines it up with a credit card and you hesitantly lean down, you choke a little as you snort it and sniff.

You slump against the sofa and slowly feel it take its effect. Your body feels so fucking heavy, it’s like you’re wearing a meat suit. You lift your fingers up and watch as they multiply when you wiggle them around, the girl pulls you up and drags you to the dance floor.

You’re like a rag doll in her arms as she makes you dance. Your head tilts back staring at the ceiling and you laugh, it’s dark and intoxicated. The music suddenly feels amplified and you’re clutching your ears, so fucking overstimulated and you panic, feeling the bodies grinding against you.

Your eyes water when you feel hands grip your waist from behind and they press against you. You’re pulling away from them and stumbling through the crowd, fighting your way to the exit.

Fresh air hits your lungs the moment you step outside and you inhale, closing your eyes.

Home, you have to go home.

You ignore the several people that ask if you’re okay as you stumble down the sidewalk, heels clicking against the pavement.

Relief fills you at the sight of your apartment building, once you reach it, you’re climbing the stairs until you miss a step and fall down. Your head smacks against the floor and little black spots cloud your vision.

“Fuck!” you hear, almost certain it’s your mind playing tricks on you until you feel large and warm hands gripping your face. Their touch is like electricity against your skin.

“Please let me die,” you mutter as a familiar blind folded face comes into view. He’s waving a finger infront of you and you go cross eyed.

“What did you take?” He tries to ask you but your hearing is muffled. His face is blurred but you can make out his lips moving.

You lift your arms up and reach for his face, your fingers graze over his lips and he stills. They’re soft and pink.

His hand gently grabs your wrist and moves your arm back down to your sides. His head tilts like he’s studying you as your vision slowly recovers along with your hearing.

“Can you hear me?” He asks and you nod weakly. He sighs before you feel his arm hook under your knees and the other around your back. He lifts you up and you shake against him.

“Please don’t hurt me,” you beg, his brows furrow but he doesn’t say anything. You’re trembling as he walks you to his apartment. He’s gonna hurt you, he’s gonna trap you and hurt you.

You squirm in his hold until you’re out of his arms and sliding down the wall. You cover your face and pull your knees to your chest. His hand touches your knee and you scoot away. He immediately retracts it.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise” he says as you peek between your fingers. His expression is so genuine, and concerned but he’s a man and you don’t trust them. Your brain feels like it’s working overtime trying to think as he lifts his pinky up.

“Please let me help you,” he says, his voice is soft as he kneels infront of you. Your shaky hand reaches toward his and your pinky wraps around his.

He smiles gently, and helps you up. He unlocks the door and guides you inside. You’re too fucked up to take in his apartment.

He pours a glass of water and hands it to you, before he’s handing you two pills of advil. Your pupils are dilated and you look so out of it, your breath reeks of vomit and vodka.

He’s not use to this, any of it. He’s never been in this situation and it’s frustrating because he wants to help you, he knows there’s an underlying reason why you shake and flinch from his touch. The way your eyes survey all exits and keep distance between you two.

Everytime he’s seen you in the halls, you’re listening to music in your own little world with your head down. You’re always shy, and timid.

“You can take my bed and I’ll take the floor,” he says not wanting to leave you alone incase you have a concussion.

Your throat tightens at the idea of sleeping in his bed, at falling unconscious where he can so easily hurt you but you’re tired, so fucking tired.

You hug yourself as you attempt to walk into the only bedroom in the apartment. You slowly climb into the bed, curling into a ball. He watches you from the doorframe, trying to make sense of what his eyes can’t tell him.

When morning comes, you’re gone.

September

You sigh, sifting through your purse for your keys. You push through several empty travel bottles of vodka and tampons, coming up empty. You hear two things behind you, keys jingling and a meow.

You turn around, one hand is holding your keys while the other has a black kitten pressed against his chest. You only care about the kitten at this point, you look up at him and he’s smiling at you.

“You dropped your keys,” he says but you’re itching to touch the fur ball in his arms.

“What’s it’s name?” You whisper not wanting to scare it.

“Dunno, just found him outside,”he says and you slowly reach out, petting the baby. It’s little mouth let’s out the most broken meow but it’s fierce and you smile.

“Are you gonna keep it?” You ask and he shakes his head making you frown. He walks toward his door and starts unlocking it.

“I can’t, I work too much” he says, opening his door. He walks inside, leaving the door open. You awkwardly stand there before peeking inside. You feel embarrassed about the events from two weeks ago, you’ve avoided him since. You can’t imagine what he must think of you.

You slowly walk inside, fingers clutching the ends of your oversized sweater anxiously. He sets the little guy on the floor and you immediately shut the door not wanting him to runaway.

“He’s gonna need formula,” you say, carefully dropping to your knees. You pull your hair from its ponytail and fling the tie across the floor. You giggle watching the cat dart after it.

You feel his eyes on you as absurd as it may sound considering the blind fold but you do. His lips twitch as he watches you play with the kitten.

“What’s your name?” you ask, something that’s been on your mind lately.

“Satoru, Satoru Gojo,” he says and you hum. It’s pretty.

“Thank you, for the other night. I’m sorry I kind of lost it on you,” you say, watching the cat run at you as your hand drags across the floor like a spider before it tickles him. His little feet kick at your wrist but it’s like a feather hitting you.

“That happen often?” He asks.

“No” you lie, admittedly you usually stop before you get super fucked up and you hadn’t touched coke till then. He doesn’t push and you’re grateful for it.

“So what’s the song of the day?” He asks and your brows furrow, arms chasing after the cat who starts running sideways.

“You must have another song you like,” he says shrugging.

“K. by Cigarettes After Sex, let me guess. That’s your favorite song of theirs too,” you say and he smiles.

“It’s like you’re stalking me,” he says and you laugh, it’s the cutest thing he’s ever heard, more so than the little creature that’s clawing his way up your thighs. His claws hooking into your jeans, determined to get you.

“Favorite album?”He asks and you indulge him.

“That’s hard, there’s so many,” you say, pulling the cat off before he can claw up your sweater.

“Top five,” he says making it slightly easier for you.

“Brand new eyes by paramore, all lana del rey albums, Trilogy by The Weeknd, anything FKA twigs and Wiped out by the neighborhood. You?” You ask and he shrugs, leaning against the doorframe to his bedroom.

“I don’t listen to music,” he says and your face scrunches, musics your love language and your safety net. It speaks and conveys what you can’t.

“Not one song?” And he shakes his head. His life must be so lonely and boring, you frown.

“I did listen to that Mistki song though, depressing much?” He asks and you roll your eyes.

“Well, yes but that’s what makes it so good,” you say and he doesn’t argue. You wish you could see his eyes, eyes speak a thousand words.

“Favorite movie?” He asks, this is sadly the most anyone’s ever asked about you, you feel guilty that part of you is living for this attention.

“Bones and All, Suspiria, Django Unchained, Dune and Pearl,” you say.

“I’m seeing a pattern here,” he says and you raise a brow. “You don’t listen to music but you watch movies? And what may that be?” You ask. The little voice in the back of your head is begging you to go home, he’s only doing this to get in your pants, why else.

“Nah but one of my students seen some of them, I’ve heard all about Pearl and her axe,” he says, watching the kitten swat your hair tie around.

“She’s just a girl,”you shrug, and his lips tug into a smirk. You don’t like the feeling that takes over, the butterflies that swarm your stomach. Handsome doesn’t do him justice, he’s beautiful even when you can’t see his eyes. From his undercut to his jaw, and his tall lanky stature, he carries himself like he’s the highest predator up the food chain. It’s not threatening, it’s…sexy.

“I forgot American Psycho” you add and his eyebrows raise nearly to his hairline before he’s bursting into laughter.

“What? It’s hilarious satire and Christian Bale is…hot,” you say. He wants to ask you a question but thinks better of it, this is the most you’ve ever spoke and he doesn’t want it to end.

“Are you a teacher?” you ask, lingering on what he said moments ago.

“Yeah, you?” he asks. You dropped out of college, feeling too stupid and incompetent, in all honesty you’ve never seen a future for yourself and it feels embarrassing.

“Bookstore,” you say.

“So you like books?” he asks and you give him a look that screams ‘duh’.

“I do, I’d tell you my favorite book but you probably already know it since it’s yours too,” you say as the kitten comes running at you. You gently slide him across the floor and he runs back, loving it.

“Guilty, but you should probably tell me just incase we aren’t on the same page,” he says, you hate the smiles he keeps making appear on your face.

“Normal People”you say, you wonder why he wants to know all these things and what they matter to him.

“It’s like we’re the same person,” he says, you wonder if this works on the girls. You don’t want it to work on you.

“He looks like a Salem,” you say looking at the black cat that’s just obsessed with you.

“I think he’s found his mom,” Gojo says and you want to argue against it but you don’t because he’s right, you’re keeping him.

End of September

You sit on the couch with Salem curled in your lap and a bowl of popcorn beside you, you’re ready to start the movie until someone’s knocking on your door. You feel your anxiety fester but push it down.

You carry the kitten as you walk to the door and look through the peep hole. Your breathing hitches at the sight of Gojo in sunglasses, you swear he hasn’t been home in two weeks but like he said he’s always working.

Now that you think of it, that’s so odd. He’s a teacher who’s never home and works odd hours. You try not to overthink it as you open the door.

Gojo beams at you and the little guy in your arms. He reaches out and starts scratching underneath Salems little chin which sends him into a purring fit.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hey,” you answer, unsure of what else to say.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“I was gonna watch a movie,” you say looking back at the lit tv screen, but you remember he can’t see.

“Pearl?” He asks and you’re slightly eager to put it on for him. Your life is lonely, you’ve stopped talking to everyone. Your bestfriend pushed you away months ago and nobodies really cared to see that you’re okay. Your mom and grandma constantly call but you can only take so much criticism.

You try to contemplate the pros and cons. Gojos been nothing but nice, he’s slightly funny and because of him you have Salem. Cons: he’s flirty and a man. Your stomach stirs, and your body tenses as you open your mouth.

“Would you like to watch it with me?” you ask, trying not to let your mind wander off to that dark place in your head.

“Okay,” he says and you step back, letting him enter your dim apartment. He takes his shoes off and looks around, taking in the hues of greens, browns and white along with the various plants that take up space.

There’s a picture of you as a little girl with two other kids that look just like you, a boy and girl on the wall, some family photos, graduation picture and baby pictures. You were so adorable, still are.

Your place is a contrast to his. His is fairly empty with a few hints of grey, white and navy.

He sits on the opposite end of the couch as you put on Pearl, Salem leaves you to cuddle in Gojos lap. Traitor.

“Song of the day?” he asks before you start the movie.

“Good to love by FKA twigs” you say and hit play.

You usually hate when someone talks during a movie but you’re desperately wanting to know his thoughts during every scene. He laughs through most of it,

“Did she really just set her mom on fire and then leave to go have sex?” He asks, you bite your lip. “She’s just a girl,” you say and he shakes his head. You reach into the bowl for popcorn and feel his fingers graze yours, his touch is like static and you get goosebumps. You pull away as subtly as possible, you hope you don’t give off the wrong message by all of this.

“She’s deranged,” he says as she stabs the projectionist with a pitchfork repeatedly.

“Christ, who gave this girl an alligator,”he says when Pearl pushes the man’s car into a pond and an alligator eats at his remains.

By the time the movies over, he’s leaving. He says he has to work in the morning but he types away at his phone before handing it to you, your names written on a contact, waiting for your number.

You try to hide your surprise and hesitantly type your number in.

October

Gojo: song?

you: Haunted by Beyonce

Gojo: starting to think you’re working for the government

you: how so

Gojo: only a fed would know all my favorite songs

you: you sound crazier than pearl

Gojo: utterly insane

You enjoy Gojo’s company, still hesitant but he hasn’t given you a reason not to trust him.

Mid October

You hum to The Party and the After Party by The Weeknd, sending a link to Gojo as you walk.

You: song of the century

Read at 8:08pm

You’ve been crafting a playlist for him, you’re embarrassed by it though, what if he thinks it’s lame. You title it ‘Peals Greatest Hits’ and make the cover a picture of pearl with a pitchfork, you think he’ll laugh at that.

It’s nice having a friend again.

You wait for Gojo to respond but he doesn’t, he’s probably busy. This time he’s been gone for three days and you don’t question it. You’ve managed to learn little things about him, he’s told you about his students Megumi, Yuji, and Nobara.

He even raves about his students from last year, Toge, Yuta, Maki and a student he simply calls P, you tried to ask what the P stands for and he said Pedro which you laughed, kind of an uncommon name here but you don’t push it.

He’s mentioned his family and the pressure they’ve put on him, how he’s like the golden child of his family.

He actually laughed when you asked if he was blind, your cheeks heated up as he told you he has really bad sensitivity with his eyes which still made you feel bad for him.

You reach your building and start your walk upstairs, eager to see your cat but stop when you reach the top. You’re not sure why it bothers you when you see Gojo with a woman going inside his apartment. She’s pretty, sharp features and glossy eyes. A mole under her right eye. You wait for them to go inside before you make your way to your apartment.

Maybe you’re a creep but you stare through the peephole for what feels like hours, waiting for her to leave but she never does. You wonder if Gojo has a girlfriend, wouldn’t he have mentioned it? But then again he’s a man, when do they ever.

End of October: Halloween

You try not to feel insecure in your pink tights and red bodysuit, this is the most revealing you’ve looked since before that night.

You watch as a row of lemon drop shots line up infront of you, the girls you’ve made friends with since you came in, all cheer and clap as you knock back shot after shot. You order six more courtesy of your blonde friends tab, the bar tenders hesitant but you bat your lashes and just like that you’re getting your way.

The liquor helps to take away from the insecurities, you stop worrying if your stomachs too big or your arms too bulky and relax. Several hands pull you to the dance floor and you dance with them, one of the girls hands you a blunt and you smoke it. You spend the night smoking and drinking till you’re absolutely fucking cross faded.

Once you’re at your apartment building, you’re literally crawling up the stairs. You stop when two sets of shoes come into your view, you slowly look up to Gojo and the woman from two weeks ago looking down at you.

“Should we call someone?” The woman asks.

“Nah, she’s mine,” Gojo says pulling you up off the floor. You stumble backwards but he catches you before you fall, pulling you toward him.

“I’ll see you later” the woman says, walking off and he nods. He’s scooping you up into his arms.

“What are you suppose to be?” He asks.

“Scarwit bitch” you slur and he laughs.

“Scarlett Witch?” He asks and you nod.

You’re disappointed when he takes your keys and opens your apartment door. He carries you to your bedroom.

“What did you do, rob Barbie?” he asks looking around your pink room, you’re too tired to comment as he sets you down on your bed.

He brushes your hair out of your face.

“Thanks Toru,” you whisper.

November

Gojo: you hungry?

You: yes…

Gojo: what do you want to eat?

You: pizza, meat lovers and Hawaiian.

Gojo: pineapple on pizza? we have to find a dealbreaker eventually

Gojo: in or out?

You: in

Half an hour passes and there’s a knock on your door. You open it to Gojo with two boxes of pizza, he sets them down while you grab plates.

“song?” He asks, he hasn’t missed a day and you don’t know that he’s made a playlist with each one you give him.

“Kimdracula by deftones,” he subtly adds the song to his playlist as you open up the box. Your belly rumbles as you take a slice of each.

He wastes no time, eating while you take little nibbles. You don’t like eating infront of people, not after being so degraded on your body by the only person that’s seen it naked. Your appetite sours and you set your pizza down.

“Do want to watch X? It’s the technical sequel to Pearl,” you say, he couldn’t give a shit about that deranged girl but you like her so he likes her.

He nods and you wash the pizza grease from your hands, he does the same and you both are moving to the couch. Salem jumps up, of course he picks Gojo as you shuffle through your movie selection before clicking on X.

You feel your face redden forgetting they’re literal fucking pornstars filming porn.

“She looks exactly like Pearl, what the fuck,” he says and you laugh.

You subtly look away, during the sex scenes. They aren’t unbearable but it’s just uncomfortable for you.

“Like sixty years later and she’s still creepy as shit” he says when it gets to the scene of Pearl staring over Maxine while she sleeps.

Gojo actually leans forward pushing his sunglasses up, utterly engrossed in the movie as everyone starts getting killed off one by one. He cringes at Lorraine’s death which you do too. And he cheers when Maxine runs over Pearls head.

“You can have Pearl, Maxine’s mine” he says making you roll your eyes.

“Guess you’ll be happy to know Maxine has her own movie coming out next year” you say.

“Oh we’re so seeing that,” he says and you internally smile but that little voice in the back of your head reminds you, he’s just a man.

You try to ignore it but you feel inclined to ask, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” He asks with his brows raised.

You actually feel silly asking the question, because how are you supposed to casually mention the girl you’ve seen him with without sounding like a stalker.

“Just asking,” you say innocently.

“Nah, I never have the time for that stuff. Ive been on dates but that’s about it,” he says and you can’t help that words that blurt out.

“So you’re a virgin?” you internally slap yourself once the words leave your lips.

“No” he says laughing at how hard you’re blushing.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be invasive” you say and he shakes his head.

“It’s fine,” he’s hesitant to ask but he does.

“Are you a virgin?” he asks and tears roll down your cheeks.

[back2bluesidex]

Rainy Days - KTH

Pairing: Ex-Taehyung X Fem!reader

Summary: All Taehyung could remember is you, on a rainy day like this.

Wordcount: 872

Theme: Exes au, Angst, a follow-up drabble for Baggage.

Warnings: mentions of infidelity, Tae suffers from guilt, he writes a reply to reader's letter. SFW.

Minors and Karens are not allowed in this blog.

A/N: This idea has been sitting on my head ever since I heard the song. So, it's here as a follow-up drabble for Baggage. and I am really sorry for this poor quality banner.

Taehyung’s phone goes off with a few rapid notifications again. 

He pauses his task of shoving a spoonful of that honey flavored cereal that you love so much and hurriedly clutches his phone. 

Again, it’s not what he expected. Again, it’s not you. 

Placing his phone upside down, he goes back to what he is doing. 

As he munches on the cereal, which he finds delicious now, he recalls how he lashed out on you once for buying this same thing over and over again. 

“Why do I have to eat what you prefer? Can’t you buy something else for me? Don’t you know I can’t bear the same shit for a long time.” Taehyung semi-screams. 

“I called you for like four times in a row while I was grocery shopping. But you, being you, never answered once. So I chose this, since you initially liked this cereal.” You reply calmly, “and I know you can’t bear the same shit for a long time, like me.”  You whispered, but he heard it loud and clear.

Taehyung doesn’t reply anything. He obviously ignored your calls intentionally and you seem to know it. 

He sighs at the memory. 

How stupid he had been back then. How cruel he must have been to let you down so easily, to let you go as if that’s no big deal. How delusional he must have been to seek warmth in unfamiliar embraces when you were there to give your everything to him. 

Now that he reflects on his wrong doings, he realizes what he has lost. He lost a part of himself, the part that was genuinely happy. 

A lone tear escapes his eye and rolls down his cheek, he sniffles. Looking up at the glass window he finds the sky crying along with him. 

Whenever it rains, he only thinks of you. He thinks of that rainy day and your first date. You two shared an umbrella since two broke college students couldn’t afford more than one 7/11 umbrella. Both of you got soaked and your pretty white trench coat got a big ugly yellow patch. You mentioned it in your letter. That letter, damn. 

Taehyung clutches his phone again, he dials your number and watches as it goes into voicemail. Nothing new. The same thing has been happening ever since he started calling you, ever since your letter arrived. 

He opens the messaging app and types and deletes, types and deletes. He thinks about what to say, how to explain he has been so lost without you, how to apologize for being so cruel. He finds no words, no justification, no expression. Nothing. 

Then finally he decides upon something… 

Running back to his office, he grabs his notepad and a pen. He sits down by the window, in his notoriously butt-shaped chair and starts writing. 

Dear Y/N, Lately I have been thinking about you. Well, to be honest, I have been thinking about you ever since your letter arrived. I won’t say your letter woke me up and made me realize how wrong I was. Because deep down I always knew I was wrong, I was cruel but was too adamant and egoistic to come clean.  But, your letter, your words have definitely punched me hard on my gut, knocked every little bit of air I have been breathing. And I have been breathless ever since. I will not apologize over this letter. If I ever see you again, I will make sure to let you know the amount of guilt and regret that has been burdening me, through my actions. I will. I promise.  I have been calling you a lot lately, even when I don’t know what I should say. It’s good that you don't pick it up. I don’t know if you will be reading my texts or not, so I decided against it too.  Rather I decided to write this letter, so that I can at least be sure about this piece of paper reaching your address. If you still live there you will get it right away and if you don’t, you will be coming to pick up your mail and find it. You will at least see me replying to you even if you choose not to read it. I will be satisfied with that much.  Or will I?  I don’t know, really.  Because what I really want is to go back to the time I shared with you. Time with you was so amazing and I was genuinely at my happiest. That part of me hasn't changed, it’s still the same. I know it’s too late but somehow.. Can we go back to that moment again? I know, I have no right to say this, but let me make up for all the time we lost. We can start again, I will open all the doors I had closed. I promise I will treat you right this time.  I am a mess here. I can feel your touch. I remember your kiss and those hurtful words. And I miss you. I miss you like crazy, Y/N.  I want to go back to you, right into your arms, on rainy days like this.  Always yours, Taehyung.

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel

[yangbbokari]

Maknae Line!Skz stood you up on a date

Pairing: Maknae Line!skz x gn!reader Genre: Angst, fluff/comfort, idk Warnings: Nothing much but maybe a little cursing and mentions of insecurities Song rec: Fine - Taeyeon A.N: Requested by 🧈anon, sry this took so long😭 on top of being a student, I just procasinate a lot. Will this have a part 2? idk but we'll c

HAN JISUNG Jisung said that he reserved an expensive restaurant for the two of you to enjoy. But maybe you misheard it and he said for only you to enjoy. Sure you could say it's being too dramatic since he's only late for about thirty minutes. You would like to say that too. If he didn't leave you sitting at a restaurant ordering random plates to await his arrival for two hours. You were getting impatient. You couldn't sit here for much longer or you'd be kicked out. Five minutes, you said. If he didn't show up in the next five minutes, you'd leave.

Spoiler alert, much to your dissappointment, he didn't show up. So you had to pay for the dinner and leave a tip as a "sorry for wasting your time." It ticked you off. For the first time since he got back from tour, this was the date. But he couldn't even show up. It absolutely pissed you off. As you were leaving the restaurant, you got a text. Looking at your phonescreen, it read, Hanji💞

"Sorry I couldn't make it, Bubs."

ping

"I'll make it up to you."

ping

"LOVE YOU😘"

You felt the tears well up in your eyes. This was suppose to be a makeup date. So why were you now walking home in the rain? The soft pitter patter of the rain was doing a good job of covering the sounds of your shattering heart and ugly sobs. All the efforts you put into this date for it not to work out. You even went shopping for a dress just for this occassion. Now it's drenched from the rain.

When you finally got home, it was dark. "Guess he's not home yet." You thought out loud. Suddenly the lights came on and Jisung came from behind the couch.

"Surprise!" He shouted with a cake in his hands. His jolly behavior instantly switched to worry when he saw you in your condition. "B-baby, what's wrong."

Bursting into tears, you crouched down and covered your face with your hands. He also crouched down and held your face, making you look up at him. 

"I'm sorry, Bubs. Don't cry."

"I thought- I thought that you didn't care about me anymore. Like you forgot me. O-or you possibly didn't love me anymore." 

He looked at you guiltily, knowing he's the reason you felt this way. He felt so bad. So he gently place an arm below your knees and the other around your shoulders. Slowly lifting you up and carrying you over to the restroom. 

"Ji! What are you doing!?"

He just shot you a fond yet cheeky smile. Gently removing your articles of clothing. "Jisung... w-wait."

"I gotta make it up to my baby girl somehow." Then he lifted you into the tub. "What were you thinking, Love? What did you think I was gonna do to you?"

Your cheeks flushed a bright pink. "N-nothing!" He chuckled and kissed your temple. "If I was gonna do that, I would've taken you to the bedroom. Don't you think?" No doubt, your ears were most definitely red now. "Whatever..." You mumbled as Jisung filled the tub with warm water. "What was that? I didn't hear you." He teased.

You just crossed your arms and ignored him. Even though, secretly inside, you were more than content with this new memory you'd be holding dear for the rest of your life. ~~~ LEE FELIX Today, you and Felix were supposed to have a home date. A little baking session for the two of you. You went out and bought all the ingredients that were missing. Even though you usually had all of them because of how much the both of you loved to bake. 

Except on this date, Felix was running a little late. If he couldn't make it then he would've found some kind of way to inform you. But you haven't got a single text or call from him in the past hour and a half.

You stayed up for a couple of hours waiting for him. It was already half past midnight and sleep was beginning to take over. With a heavy sigh, you headed to bed. But when you got there, you couldn't fall asleep.

All through the night, you twisted and turned and even counted sheep. You couldn't fall asleep though. 

When you lost all hope, you heard Felix tiptoe to the bedroom door and silently slip into bed. You pretended to be sleeping, not wanting to worry him. It wasn't long before he fell asleep and that's when you arose. You could smell the foul odor of alcohol on your boyfriend and it made you- Well not exactly upset but disappointed.

After grabbing your phone off the nightstand, you made your way to the guest bedroom. The time read, 3:48 a.m. You cried to your heart's content. He'd leave you second-guessing yourself just to turn up drunk. It wasn't until the sun rose that you finally fell asleep.

Felix woke up with his head banging from all sides. He knew he shouldn't have drank that much last night. But that was the least of his concerns. You weren't lying beside him. Where'd you go? His mind changed when he saw the time though. It was nearly afternoon. 

He got up to get himself coffee when he saw the baking ingredients and utensils scattered everywhere. Fuck, he cursed himself. That's why you weren't there.

"Y/n?" Felix called out. If you were mad at him you'd sleep anywhere but your shared bedroom. So he figured that you'd be in the guestroom.

When he made it there, you were still out like a light. He gently laid down beside you and wrapped his arms around you. This motion woke you up and you almost leaned into his touch. But remembering why you slept here in the first place, made you scoot away. Felix didn't let you get away though. He only pulled you closer and held you tighter.

"Why weren't you by my side this morning? Why are you sleeping in the guestroom?"

Silence.

"I woke up in a cold bed."

Silence.

"Are you just going to ignore me?"

Silence.

Felix nuzzled his nose into your neck. This would usually make you laugh but in these circumstances, you were too disappointed to. Your boyfriend softly sighed.

"I'm sorry, Love. I know, I know I was supposed to have a date with you last night. But I was dumb and I forgot. I went out drinking instead. Then I left you at home, worried that I got into some kind of trouble. I'm sorry that I upset you. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

You turned around to face him. "I'm not upset. Just disappointed." You placed your face on his chest. Your boyfriend could feel the tears dampen his shirt.

"I know, Love. I'm sorry." Felix gently rocked you until you both eventually fell back asleep. 

When the two of you awoke, he definitely made it up to you. You finally had the date you'd been waiting for.

"You're not allowed to stand me up on a date again."

"Yes m'lady." He said as he bowed.

You softly chuckled. One step backwards and two steps forward. That's the positive version of the phrase and you'd like to keep it that way. ~~~ KIM SEUNGMIN According to your Bumble date, he wanted to meet at 11:00 a.m. sharp at the small cafe by the amusement park. So where was he when it's already 2:00 p.m.? You thought you were running late when you showed up at 12 instead of 11. But he's not even here yet. For context, he's Kim Seungmin, age 23, and a hotshot. Were you being impatient? No. You've been waiting for two hours.

But then you began to overthink. What if he already left because you arrived late and he probably thought you stood him up. No way... right? Time was ticking away and before you knew it, it was almost already 4. You decided to leave before one of the workers got fed up with you ordering coffee after coffee.

Well considering that you were already here, might as well go to the amusement park. 

As you turned down the road you felt a hand gently grasp your wrist. You turned around in shock. There Seungmin stood with a guilty smile. You were a bit confused. He just so happened to appear as soon as you were ready to leave.

"Umm... hey." He said nervously. "Oh, sorry!" Seungmin dropped your hand and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I was supposed to come sooner but I completely forgot. Actually, no! That makes me sound stupid. I was just really nervous."

You just stood there, not sure of what to say. "Okay..." You held out the last syllable.

"Shit. Fuck. Sorry. I'm leaving a really bad impression on you, aren't I." He awkwardly chuckled before continuing. "What I meant to say was, I was too shy to meet you. Umm... I worked really hard on my look. I even got a haircut. The outfit! I spent a lot of time choosing it. I wasn't sure what you liked. When I was done, I saw that I was running late but I still had to drive for an hour. When I got here, I was so sure that you left because what kind of asshole leaves their date alone for 3 hours. But when I saw you still waiting for me I got nervous again because you look stunning. Then I felt like I didn't look good enough and all the time and effort I put into my look couldn't compare to yours. So I was stuck in my car contemplating why I thought I could come. But then I saw you leaving and you were too good to lose. So I chased after you and here we are. I must be talking too much, especially about myself. And you must think I'm a klutz or something."

Seungmin slowly looked up at you. "Sorry, I've been rambling. Do I... seem like a klutz to you?"

And here you were thinking that it was you. You began to chuckle, nodding your head. His face dropped. 

"Oh God... am I really that bad?"

You shook your head. "No. In fact, you're everything I've been searching for. Who would ever think a good-looking guy like yourself would get this nervous meeting a girl for the first time?"

"Oh." He said stunned, making you laugh more.

"Well would you like to make it up to me instead of standing here looking so clueless?"

Seungmin immediately nodded his head. He was quite the guy considering his looks.

"Then take me to the amusement park up the road and I'll forgive you."

Safe to say, he was an amazing guy and an amazing date. The two of you were only able to enjoy for about three hours but it was enough for you to know, 

"I'll love him for the rest of my life." ~~~ YANG JEONGIN After putting on your finishing touches of makeup, you were ready to head out the door. You had already calculated. Taking the bus there would take about thirty minutes so you need to get going before 12:30 because Jeongin wanted to meet by 1 o'clock. 

When you arrived, you were only waiting for about five minutes when you got a text from him.

"Sorry"

"Can't come."

"I'll make it up to you later."

"Promise🤞🏻"

You sighed and texted back,

"Ok👌🏻"

 It wasn't like Jeongin to cancel on a date. But you already put all this effort into showing up, maybe you should just roam around a bit. Just as you were about to leave, you got another text.

"Okay, now I feel bad especially since we haven't been on a date in forever😞"

The text made you chuckle a bit.

"It's fine Innie😭"

"No it's not😡"

You couldn't stop laughing to yourself as you read the messages. Your boyfriend only continued to send more texts, feeling the need to explain himself.

"Now, I didn't want to cancel the date."

ping

"But I have a bit of a problem.🤏🏻"

ping

"Well maybe not a bit."

ping

"More like 7 problems.🙄"

ping

*attachment sent*

It was a photo of the boys following Jeongin around. Trying to get intel on this date of his. Of course they'd want to know who their maknae was dating. They were all wearing funny disguises and trying to hide themselves every time Jeongin took a photo. Bang Chan would try to hide behind a lamppost or a wall. Hyunjin pretending to read a newspaper. Changbin, for some reason, pretended to work out in the middle of the street. Minho pretended to walk one of his cats as if he wasn't holding Soonie in his arms the whole time. The rest of them dressed as ahjummas and turned to talk in a group like they aren't following Jeongin. Jeongin had a little pout on his face.

ping

"These dodo birds won't stop following me🤢🤬 and I don't want to get you involved.😞"

The people around you probably thought you were crazy. You were full on losing your shit as you viewed the photos.

"I think they just love you, Innie😘🥰😍"

ping

"Because I'm just that good🤧"

"Whatever you say🥱"

ping

"Do you not agree😢"

Then you left him on read.

ping

"HEY!😡"

ping

"I CAN LITERALLY SEE YOU READING THIS😤"

ping

"ANSWER ME!🤬"

Welp. You'll respond when he makes up for the date.

[fandomtrashhh]

Updated for Episode 12

So I did a thing. I went back to every episode of The Winchesters and I wrote down everything that Dean has said so far, and I realized moreso than before how EVERYTHING he says not only is the lesson/theme of the episode, but it all also applies to himself. Also, I'm not sure if other people realize this because not everyone is into classic rock as I am, (many of the songs are rock songs) but all the songs also match what the episodes are about. Let's start with episode 1.

Sorry if I overlooked something or for any mistakes, I did not rewatch every episode to make this.

I also apologize for how long this is. If I knew how to add the "read more" on this post I totally would.

Major spoilers for all episodes of the Winchesters ahead!!!

Episode 1, "Pilot": March 3rd, 1972. The day Dad came home from the war, and the day he met Mom. Now I know this story might sound familiar, but I'm gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you. And in order to do that, I have to start all the way at the beginning.

Obviously, Dean is just starting the story. He tells us this is when John and Mary are going to meet, and he's also foreshadowing what's to come. This is why I have high hopes for this show, because Dean says so in the beginning that even though you think you might know everything, there's really more to the story.

Dean also narrated at the very end of the episode:

What they didn't know is that the Akrida weren't just a threat to Earth, but to all of existence. Now, like I told you, there's gonna be some surprises. Hell, I'm still trying to find all the puzzle pieces myself. But I'll explain everything. And until then, I'll keep picking the music.

Also something to note is that this is the only episode that has a non music related title. I'm 100% sure that if it did have a song related title, it would be "I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After. The beginning, when Dean is first narrating and while John is holding the letter that Dean gave him and pretty much up to the point where John and Mary run into each other, that song is playing. Then at the very end of the episode, when we see Dean in the flesh, it's playing again. I find this VERY interesting, especially since the music applies to everything in this show. This leads me to believe that Dean really is trying to change something because the song literally says "I'd love to change the world, but I don't know what to do, so I'll leave it up to you." (The song also mentions bees, which I thought was interesting. That could be nothing, though.)

Episode 2 "Teach Your Children Well": The ties that bind a family together can be complicated. Parents raise you, teach you what's right and wrong, and in some instances, how to kill monsters. But no matter who you are, there comes a time when you have to break from them and make your own way. And if you're not careful, things can get pretty ugly.

“Teach Your Children Well” by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. Let me show you some of the lyrics:

“You, who are on the road

Must have a code that you can live by

And so, become yourself

Because the past is just a goodbye

Teach your children well

Their father's hell did slowly go by

And feed them on your dreams

The one they pick's the one you'll know by

Don't you ever ask them, "Why?"

If they told you, you would cry

So just look at them and sigh

And know they love you”

A big theme in this episode is parents, the guy who goes missing at the beginning for one, but mostly about John’s parents. John and Millie argue over John hunting and all around the episode is about kids forging their own paths and how it can cause issues which I feel like can definitely apply to Dean and how he discovers his identity away from his father and how the things his father put them through were wrong and how that caused issues.

Episode 3 "You’re Lost Little Girl": There's no map to being a hunter. No playbook. You gotta follow your gut. But that can only take you so far. Truth is, you can't do it all on your own. You need other people to help guide the way-- your friends, your family. Otherwise you just end up lost.

“You’re Lost Little Girl” is by The Doors. Some lyrics:

“You're lost little girl

You're lost little girl

You're lost, tell me who

Are you?

Think that you know what to do

Impossible? Yes, but it's true

I think that you know what to do

Yeah

Sure that you know what to do”

In this episode, Mary gets taken by a monster and everyone is trying to find her. Mary thinks that she doesn’t need anyone to help her because she’s a good hunter, but she ends up needing them to save her. It’s the same with Dean, Dean is an amazing hunter, but he still needs his friends and his family.

Episode 4, "Masters of War": Fighting the battle between good and evil isn't easy, especially when the first monster you have to face is the one inside yourself.

“Masters of War” is by Bob Dylan.

The lyrics for this song are very meaningful and well done. To put it simply, it’s about war and criticism of war.

“You fasten all the triggers

For the others to fire

Then you sit back and watch

When the death count gets higher

You hide in your mansion

While the young people's blood

Flows out of their bodies

And is buried in the mud”

In this episode, John and Carlos talk about their trauma from the Vietnam War and we really get an insight to how much anger John has in him. John is Dean’s parallel in this episode because Dean has a lot of unresolved trauma and deep rooted anger that is mentioned in Supernatural and it also fits because Dean was used as a weapon in a war against the supernatural from a young age.

Episode 5, "Legacy of a Mind": Spending a lifetime of hunting monsters takes its toll. There comes a time when you gotta let out that pain inside you. If you don't, it'll eat you alive.

The song “Legacy of a Mind” is by The Moody Blues

“He'll fly his astral plane

Takes you trips around the bay

Brings you back the same day”

This can be applied to what happens in this episode where Mary is stuck in her own head and has to face her trauma, and this song pretty much talks about trippy things like the lyrics above.

This applies so well to the episode because this episode deals with the complicated relationship that Mary has with her parents and her dealing with the trauma she has with being trained to be a hunter from a very young age and how it was wrong of them to do that to her, but she still loves her parents. This also applies to Dean, since John taught him about hunting from a young age, the same way Samuel and Deanna did to Mary. Mary is once again the Dean parallel, like she often is in this show.

Episode 6 "Art of Dying": Hunting has a way of changing a person. After a while, right, wrong, good, evil, they all start to look the same. And then it makes you start to wonder, "Who's really the monster here -- them or me?"

This is the only other episode where Dean narrated at the end:

Hunting's not for everyone. You have to be strong, stay sharp, make tough decisions, and it's not easy, but then again, the righteous things never are.

The Art of Dying is by George Harrison:

"There'll come a time when all of us must leave here

Then nothing sister Mary can do

Will keep me here with you

As nothing in this life that I've been trying

Could equal or surpass the art of dying

Do you believe me?"

and then the end of the song goes:

"There'll come a time when most of us return here

Brought back by our desire to be

A perfect entity

Living through a million years of crying

Until you've realized the art of dying

Do you believe me?"

This episode the core four finds a case involving an older hunter buddy of Mary's and it turns out that the monster is the ghost of the hunter's friend who the hunter friend and her group killed because he went too dark in magic. That's how the episode applies to Dean's monologue, along with Lata's fear of turning into someone horrible and letting her anger control her. John also (kinda) confronts his anger in this episode. The monologue also talks about how being a hunter is hard, but doing the right thing never is, which also applies to the characters of this episode, especially Lata. This applies to Dean because he really dealt with feelings like that during SPN, and being angry all the time and feeling like he was a monster, and how he always chooses to do the right thing when it comes down to saving the world, even when it's near impossible to.

Episode 7 "Reflections": There comes a time in every hunt when the fightin' starts. And the difference between winning and losing isn't whether you have the holy water, the wooden stake, or the silver bullet. It's whether you've got the grit to get the job done.

Reflections is by the Supremes:

"Through the mirror of my mind

Through all these tears that I'm crying

Reflects a hurt I can't control

Although you're gone

I keep holding on

To those happy times

Oh, girl when you were mine

As I peer through the windows

Of lost time

Keeping looking over my yesterdays

And all the love I gave all in vain

(All the love) All the love

That I've wasted

(All the tears) All the tears

That I've tasted

All in vain

Through the hollow of my tears

I see a dream that's lost

From the hurt baby

That you have caused"

I think this one represents loss, especially the loss of Henry. Dean's monologue ties into this because in this episode there are multiple instances where the characters show real strength and bravery in order to come out the other side with a win. And this can obviously be applied to Dean and everything he has done and hunted and how brave he had to be to be able to actually get the job done.

Episode 8, "Hang on to Your Life”: Being a hunter, it means living a life of sacrifice-- not a lot of room for dreams. But if you open your heart and get a little lucky, you'll find you gain more than you lose.

Hang On To Your Life is by Guess Who:

“Thinking 'bout it's here and it's real

Wondering how I really should feel

Well you can sell your soul

But don't you sell it too cheap

Hang on to your life, oh life, oh life, oh life, oh life

Hang on to your life

Thinking 'bout betraying a friend

Thinking 'bout delaying the end

Well you can ride the wind

But don't you ride it too high”

This episode is about Carlos’ dream of being a musician and how he had to give that up when he became a hunter. The parts about selling his soul and betraying a friend applies to the band member that Carlos used to play with and how he accidentally made a deal and because he “betrayed” Carlos by selling him out to Loki.

Dean’s monologue applies to the theme of found family in this episode. Even though they’re all a part of this life and had to give up their dreams, there is good that came from it in the form of family and friends, the same way that Dean found himself a family in the midst of it all. This is also the episode where John and Mary decided to get together, again proving that they can find something worthwhile, right before they found the picture of Dean. (Insert Miranda Cosgrove meme)

Episode 9 "Cast Your Fate to the Wind": This isn't how I saw things going when I pushed over that first domino. Thing is, I've had more than a few dances with free will and fate, but as my dad used to say, "Fate is what you make it."

The song here is actually a song that I didn’t know. It’s a jazz song by Vince Guaraldi. Honestly, reading the lyrics to this song make me think SO MUCH of John and who he becomes, and I’m actually going to put in the entire lyrics because I can’t chose one section that I feel is most important:

“A month of nights, a year of days

Octobers drifting into Mays

I set my sail when the tide comes in

And I just cast my fate to the wind

I shift my course along the breeze

Won't sail up wind on memories

The empty sky is my best friend

And I just cast my fate to the wind

That time has a way of changing a man throughout the years

And now I’m rearranging my life through all my tears

Alone, alone, alone

There never was, there couldn't be

A place in time for men like me

Who'd drink the dark and laugh at day

And let their wildest dreams blow away

That time has a way of changing a man throughout the years

And now I’m rearranging my life through all my tears

Alone, alone, alone

So now I’m old, I’m wise, I’m smart

I’m just a man with half a heart

I wonder how it might have been

Had I not cast my fate to the wind

To the wind, to the wind”

Like, come on. This is so John coded in who he becomes and what happens to him. In terms of how this song applies to the episode though, it applies to the theme of fate throughout the episode, which ties in with what Dean says at the beginning. “Fate is what you make it.” This speaks true to John in this episode because he uses the knowledge of his death to his advantage and makes his own fate, which Millie uses the “fate is what you make it” line. I find this episode very interesting because they use the theme of fate in an episode that deals with vampires, and has a whole scene that parallels 15x18 AND Carlos gets to kiss his male love interest. Dean’s monologue at the beginning applies to himself because he’s dealt with fate and free will plenty of times in Supernatural.

I also find it interesting that Dean said that this isn't how he saw things going when he pushed over that first domino, which begs the question of what did he expect? What was his goal in doing all of this? It's also worth noting that immediately after he says that he says "fate is what you make it," saying the two apply to each other, go hand in hand. I don't think it's a stretch to say that whatever his intentions were, whatever he did, had to do with controlling his own fate.

So, just to recap: in an episode where the two main characters are dealing with being in a new relationship and whether or not they want to tell people, one of those main characters dies from a vampire in a direct parallel to the 15x18 confession, and two men have an on screen kiss for the first time, and the entire theme of the episode is fate. That's VERY interesting to me.

Episode 10 "Suspicious Minds": Hunting and happy endings don't usually mix, so when you get your chance, you got to ask yourself, "How far will I go to get it?"

This can be read as a direct tie in to his monologue in the last episode! It's along the same lines!!

Something I've noticed is that each episode I feel like the monologues get deeper and more meaningful, the farther we go the more is revealed.

This Dean monologue ends right as John and Mary get interrupted while they're kissing and Mary says "normal will have to wait another day" while there's a close up of Mary's college application as a mirror to SPN 15x20 with Dean's job application. Something I thought was interesting.

Suspicious Minds is an Elvis Presley song, which I know that the trend here is to include 60's and 70's songs, but knowing the intense meaning of Elvis in the Destiel fandom makes me feel a little unwell knowing Elvis actually gets incorporated into the text.

"Oh, let our love survive

I'll dry the tears from your eyes

Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know I've never lied to you

Mmm, yeah, yeah

We're caught in a trap

I can't walk out

Because I love you too much, baby

Why can't you see

What you're doing to me

When you don't believe a word I say?"

So this is very much talking about one of the big plot points of this episode, a man who tries to bring his dead wife back to life in such desperation that he's willing to kill innocents to do it. Now the parallels drawn in this episode are very intentional to both John and Mary, even including the dialogue they speak after they kill said man and how John thinks that's love and Mary thinks it's horrible and she essentially makes him promise that that will never be them (clear foreshadowing) when in reality, even though it's showing that John already had the mindset of "doing it out of love" as he does in the future, they're both guilty of that. Mary brings John back to life when Azazel kills him, and as we all know, after Mary's death John goes on a revenge mission, wasting his life and putting his children through hell in the process. It's also just a running theme throughout SPN of toxic codependency and how almost every major character is also guilty of going to great lengths to bring the ones they love back. The song lyrics also apply to John and Mary as a romantic relationship as well and can show how their relationship is now and foreshadow what will happen in the future.

The thing that is different about this episode though, is that even though the parallels in this episode can apply to Dean, the actual Dean monologue doesn't, and this is what I find really weird and what I think is honestly one of the biggest indications that Jensen really is writing a fix it fanfiction:

This is the only episode where his monologue doesn't directly apply to himself. Every other episode ties in to his own experiences, except for this one. Dean doesn't go to great lengths to get himself a happy ending. Happy endings for other characters? Absolutely. But not for himself. Why would this be the only episode that doesn't directly relate to him? Well me and a lot of other people think because it really does apply to himself. But not as something he experienced in the past or has knowledge on, but as something he is doing right now. He is actively changing his future, possibly even a future with Cas (I do really think that there's a solid possibility that Destiel will become 100% canon in this show because of how everything is being set up, all of the parallels, and the fact that some of the cast, the social media team, and an executive producer has acknowledged some of these said parallels.) So in the end, how far will Dean go to get his happy ending?

Episode 11 "You've Got a Friend": Being a hunter means always being on the move. But no matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work, at a certain point, we all run out of road. It's what we do with those crossroads that define us.

"You've Got a Friend" is a song by Carole King from 1971:

"When you're down and troubled

And you need some lovin' care

And nothin', nothin' is goin' right

Close your eyes and think of me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name

And you know, wherever I am

I'll come runnin'

To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there

You've got a friend"

This represents Betty, and how in this episode she goes from being a potential source of trouble for the gang to becoming an ally, or a "friend" and an inside woman for them. This also can be applied to Carlos and Lata because Carlos was there for Lata and helped support her while Lata told Carlos about her childhood trauma.

In this episode, Dean's monologue is about the choices you make before you die. This can be seen in the choices made throughout this episode by multiple characters (Betty, Mary, John, etc) and this ties in with the song because no matter what choices you make, you'll have your friends by your side, which is true to Dean and just Supernatural as whole with their message of family and found family. Admittedly, I feel like the connection to Dean's voiceover and to the title of this episode aren't as strong as a lot of the previous episodes, but they're still there. (Betty, the "friend," makes a choice to work with the rest of the gang.) At the same time, I believe this can also be another instance of foreshadowing because Dean is dead, he's at that metaphorical cross road, and he's making a choice to go into the past.

As I said above, Lata faced her trauma. This is the 4th or 5th instance of someone on this show confronting their past. At this point, it's become a theme. Why would the show reiterate this point over and over? I think this will tie into Dean's reasons for why he's in the 70's. Not to mention this was yet ANOTHER episode where 2 characters are trapped in a room, and this time because of a shadow monster, and the only way to get out is if one confesses a deep secret. What the fuck.

Something to keep in mind is how much this episode emphasized secrets. This seems to foreshadow the fact that Dean is harboring some huge secrets that will soon be discovered. I think the real question now is how will these secrets be revealed to the audience and to our characters?

Episode 12 "The Tears of a Clown": Hunting is a dishonest business. You lie about who you are, and what you do. But the hardest lies aren't what you tell other people, but what you tell yourself."

The song "The Tears of a Clown" was released in 1967 by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles:

"Now if there's a smile on my face

It's only there trying to fool the public

But when it comes down to fooling you

Now honey that's quite a different subject

But don't let my glad expression

Give you the wrong impression

Really I'm sad, oh I'm sadder than sad

You're gone and I'm hurting so bad

Like a clown I appear to be glad (sad, sad, sad, sad)"

Okay, so this episode gave me a lot of brainrot. What the song is expressing is that even if you seem happy, that doesn't mean you are, and that was the big theme of this episode. Just because you seem okay or even think you're okay, that doesn't mean you are. With John, that applies to his anger issues and his unresolved issues with being charged for a murder he didn't commit. For Mary, it's the issues she already has, plus being unhappy in her relationship with John because she thinks he's using their relationship as an escape, and this also applies to her because even though she got accepted into college, she hadn't really taken any steps towards a normal life since then. In general, this episode was about a clown who lures emotionally vulnerable people into his circus tent so he can force them to be "happy" even though they aren't, like we saw with Roger.

This can very much apply to Dean's voice over, because the characters in this episode, including the clown, are actively lying to themselves.

The thing is, like a lot of Dean's voice overs, it's intentionally vague. He could be referring to literally anything. In the context of this episode, it makes the most sense that this is referring to Dean's anger issues and the fact that throughout the entirety of Supernatural, Dean oftentimes told himself and the people around him that he was okay, even though he wasn't. But at the same time, these voice overs and one like this in particular can be interpreted in different ways. What Dean says about facing the lies you tell yourself can apply to sexuality. Dean could be talking about not only his mental and emotional issues, but he could also be referencing being in love with Cas. At this point, Destiel happening feels like genuine build up. Now all we have to do is wait a couple more days to see if it all pays off.

[onyourhyuck]

Sorry Heart, | 이 해찬 (M)

prologue- “I’m sorry.” + “I ruined us over I know, but now i’ll do the fixing.”

tw- ANGST ANGST ANGST, fluff (ish) romance. exes to strangers to lovers? haechan’s very heart broken 🥲. Jealous hyuck. Yeojun mention. Kiss scene <3

Notes- If y’all never listened to sorry heart by nct dream then you’re missing out. This song makes me ugly cry.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

haechan never felt so haunted by a memory until you finally combusted at his selfish behaviour, everything you did reminds him of things he sees everyday. the same old love songs don’t feel the same way. he can’t sleep at night, because out of nowhere his nostrils would’ve been smelling your sweet chocolate scent and perfume. the same hobbies he had, vanished just like you did, the moment you walked out on him his heart shredded into miniature pieces.

He reminds the way you screamed on top of your lungs making him so flustered, the way your frustration and built up emotions made him realise how much of a fool he was. Your tears were enough to make him notice that you’ve been hurting. He was hurting you all along, without noticing too.

“I can’t take this anymore Donghyuck. If this is how we will end up, i don’t think I can survive. You’re— killing me.”

Hyuck reminds exactly how those words came out. You were holding all the power in your voice to speak them out, to not hesitate. But what you were most struggling to say was five words. He knew the moment your swollen crying eyes look into doe-eyes.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

You suppose the philosophical quote you heard all the time, became true in your life; to love something truly you need to lose it. Haechan never understood it. Until you walked out of his life on your own.

You looked so happy without him. You smile, something you lost when you were with him at the end of your relationship. Haechan remembers that he would be the one making you smile all the time, but how did it all go wrong? When did it all go sour? Where did the sweetness romance and cherries leave to? He just couldn’t believe that he mistreated you. He got angry at everything you’ve done. Haechan swears he didn’t mean to hurt you. To neglect you.

However he isn’t hurting because of himself. He’s more likely to be angry with himself over the fact that he’s lost the love of his life, not due to someone else, but because of him. He was his own enemy. What really is hurting him from inside and out, breaking every will of him to live on— was you.

Losing you was like he lost a part of himself. As if you were the biggest spiritual awakening within him to realise how much of an asshole he was to you. He hates that he was late, late to realising that you were right all along.

You clearly don’t want him in your life anymore. He knows it with the way he would see you enjoying your life. On your social media, posting fun night outs with friends. Meeting new people, enjoying life to the fullest. He hates how he’s the only one drowning in sadness and regret, while he could still have you in his arms.

So why did he late night around 3.00 am stand in front of your apartment, in a simple white shirt and black shorts that he wears to bed with slippers on, knocking at your door as he was soaking wet from the unbelievable storm outside. Despite you most likely to shut the door on him, he ran to your apartment building…

The moment the door swung open, he felt his eyes lift themselves wanting to see your face. Disappointment hit him, but what made him quiver with menacing emotions was jealousy.

“Who are you?” The guy asks watching haechan from head to toe as he was putting on the last shoe. Haechan looking the guy straight in the eyes, at one point the stranger felt like he was interrupting a staring contest.

Hyuck responded with a dead blunt tone, the one that would make anyone shiver as if he was disliking this guy just from laying eyes on him. “I’m looking for Y/n.”

“But it seems like she has company. I’ll go.” Haechan tells turning around to leave, maybe this was a mistake he thought. But then your voice reaches as you made your way to the front door.

“Yeojun who is it?” You conceal with a happy smile. The tall boy moved out of the way revealing haechan. The moment their eyes met something sparks, all the negative emotions coming back to life. You felt your throat thicken, finding it hard to swallow to speak.

Haechan stands silent like a grave. The way you were looking at him, which he can’t blame you, he just knew the minute you stare at him your smile withers away, like the seasons changing. He was frozen in the spot, wanting to move and run away, but the way his legs immediately harden like he was glued on cement curses his life.

“Haechan…” You whisper under your short breath. Yeojun’s mouth widens as he heard you say the boy’s identity, he quickly moves out of the apartment. “Ahh- I suddenly have to leave! Y/n— our Michael Jackson karaoke has to wait for next time.”

You watch Yeojun leave without letting you speak, which left you and Haechan all alone. You’re standing in front of the wide open door as he was shivering, standing like a cold soggy burrito with his white see through shirt wrapping on him tight.

Your eyes went to his wet honey brown skin and hair going flat. You gulp, the way you still find him attractive curses your mind over your heart. Your heartbroken heart.

“I- sorry. This was a mistake. I was…” he pauses finding the right words, though he doesn’t want to openly tell you he misses you when he just saw a guy leaving your apartment. As much as he was jealous and upset that you seemingly found someone so quickly, he still has to respect your decision..

“Was..?” You repeat softly watching the boy who was struggling. Struggling to breathe in your presence even.

I was missing you. He repeats in his head, afraid to speak these four simple words that weren’t so simple to communicate.

There would be emptiness surrounding you with a quiet boy, the boy you once loved, perhaps, still love. But you weren’t even sure what you want, what you feel, what you think of the man in front of you. Haechan didn’t realise it, that all this pressure pushing him was his final downfall, until you point it out.

“Haechan you’re crying.” Y/n softly whispers as you wrap the boy in your arms, pulling your bodies together in a tight embrace that felt home. you felt like home. His one and only safe place still even though you broke up with him for a very good reason. The boy gurgles on his cries, heavily sobbing. Nose scrunching, eyes raining tears as his lips quiver apart with each strain in the voice.

He was rambling on and on about how sorry he was, the amount of sorry’s you heard coming out of him left you stunned. The way he hand his freezing cold hands wrapping on the back of your soft white and beige sweater, gripping it as if his life depends on it. As if he knew you would leave him again after this, so he savours the last time he will ever enjoy your hug.

Not a minute in you pull the boy in the apartment that he was always so welcome into, but somehow this time it was different. It felt like a stranger’s home now. You wrap a warm dry towel on the boy who stays quiet for a few minutes.

He didn’t say much, in fact he wasn’t sure what to say in this situation. Neither did you honestly, you didn’t know what to say.

You glance at the boy’s face noticing that his hair was still wet. You bring the smaller towel in your hands, slowly moving closer to haechan on the couch you’re both sitting at.

“Here let me dry your hair. You’ll get sick if you don’t dry it quickly.” you mumble as he didn’t say anything but let you, reach over his hair and ruffle it around for a few moments. He sniffles, with his red nose and swollen eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly said properly, without anything interrupting within him. “I am sorry we ended up this way.”

You bite your bottom lip hearing his words. You weren’t sure why it hurts to hear these now, but if it was last week when you broke up with him you would’ve been happy to hear that. That he was sorry. But now you felt the opposite. You didn’t want him to feel guilty or blame himself. As much as it was his fault it wasn’t worth making him feel that way, especially when you’re still not over him.

“It’s okay.” You softly reply and he turns to you as he holds your wrists that were so busy drying his wet hair. He brings them down and holds it tight like a warm hold. You were stuck in his eyes, softly gulping. “Don’t tell me it’s okay. This is far from okay, because I lost you.”

He would spit.

“This isn’t okay y/n, not for me. This feels like hell. I hate seeing you smile without me. I wish for you to be happy with me. I know how much you suffered because of me and I don’t blame you for leaving for yourself. But please, I came here not to make you tell me this situation is okay when it is not.”

You stand quiet where you are sitting as he was holding your hands in his palms, your eyes couldn’t shift away and your lips forgot how to move. He faces you with so much emotion that it was impossible to count how many he was feeling and portraying.

“I ruined us over I know, but now i’ll do the fixing. Please, Y/n. Let me fix us. I don’t even care if you have a boyfriend anymore because I’m not giving up on you.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend..” you trail half confused as you’d watch him suddenly break out of the seriousness. His lips part in the same confusion, turning around the apartment as he points at the entrance door. “Then…who was..”

“Oh…Yeojun— Hyuck that’s a friend from work.” You deadpan and watch the boy shy away from his overall imagination that simply fucked him over by making him thing thinks that were quite the opposite.

“O..oh” he lets out. Somehow he felt relieved and glad but at what cost?

You watch the boy as you softly smile pulling him closer which causes the boy to look flustered for a minute. You lean pulling him into a warm embrace once again. Your face buried itself in his shoulders that smelled exactly like polluted rain and his husk strong honey smell that made you melt.

He was breathing heavily as he hugs you back pulling you tight. The boy felt so welcomed in your body as if it was one with his own human proportions. You just fit right in his arms.

“I don’t want to give you up.” You mutter to him, pulling away to face him. The boy’s eyebrows raise as his eyelashes flutter in happiness. “Really..?” He quietly babbles.

The way haechan felt stimulated with the way he hears you say that you don’t want to give up as much as he does, brings ultimate joy to him. He couldn’t ever give you up. The boy felt like the happiest person in this world. You were his happiness.

“Yeah.” You reply back smiling shyly. “So please Hyuck, fix us. I want us to be happy together.”

The way he leans in to peck your lips at first to make clarification that you weren’t just saying it. The boy pulls away to slowly ask with his eyes if this was okay, in your ideal response you flash your lips straight into his, kissing him deeply. The way your affection and longest longing for each other travels in the kiss made you and haechan bloom like a dead flower back into life.

All those feelings were reborn in the most wonderful way. Haechan finally made a way with your sorry heart, by admitting to his prideful ways and selfish doings when you left. You were the ultimate catalyst for the good change to come. With negative always comes a positive.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu<3 Reblog this fic and follow me for more to stay updated it helps a girl out <3

[rileyslibrary]

Im in my sad bitch hours, Melanie Martinez starts playing and all I can think is "Ghost with a crybaby reader?" Ok so like... imagine. Every time he gets hurt, readers just BAWLING while helping him. Any time he's even slightly miffed with them, readers going misty eyed. Shit goes South on a mission while they're separated? Readers choking back sobs over comms. Kinda funny to me, kinda endearing. I HC that every time Ghost hears them get so emotional over him, his nose is tingling, and his eyes are burning, and he's just so appreciative of their feelings for him.

Please excuse my basic ass googling Melanie Martinez. Nevertheless, I was pleasantly surprised; you seem to have great taste in music, anon. I would love to be your friend.

I agree with you on Ghost being grateful to have such a caring teammate but hear me out. I want to focus on the Lieutenant here because I imagined him dealing with this at the beginning when he didn’t know the reader that well.

Take Ghost getting hurt, for example: Like the sheer terror in the guy’s eyes—a guy who has seen so much blood coming out of his body and from others, mind you—when he would first experience such a reaction. He would probably think he died and doesn’t even know it yet. I picture him looking at the wound, then at the reader, who’s sobbing, frantically trying to wrap a bandage around him while reciting some form of eulogy.

And then, he would get used to it and try to comfort the reader while maintaining his patience. Yes, he would get pissed off (there’s work to be done, after all), sigh and throw his head up, or maybe rub his forehead while keeping his eyes closed and trying to focus on having at least one sensible person—albeit injured—out of the two.

“Please don’t die.”

“It’s my bloody thigh.”

“It’s too bloody.”

“Just wrap the fucking bandage.”

But under the tough facade, he would be super worried, not for him, but for the reader. He would be careful not to get hurt cause then the reader would bawl their eyes out. He wouldn’t show that he’s annoyed because then he would have to reverse the damage (and his heart breaks when the reader is like that). They get separated? He made a plan for cases like these since he knows how the reader gets and doesn’t want them distressed (the plan is they agreed on a song, and the reader has to sing it repeatedly until Ghost gets to them.)

There’s something else that I just thought about, and it made me laugh. So, you know that ugly crying where you sob and “inhale” your bottom lip? I don’t know why, but that’s how I pictured the reader.

I’m sorry it’s not a story, but you mentioned that you’re in your sad bitch hours, and I wanted to reply quickly in case time runs out and I don’t get to cheer you up.

But hey! Thank you for the ask, and thank you for teaching me something new today. I’ve added some Melanie Martinez songs to my Spotify playlist.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Current Top Ten 2NE1 Songs

Okay, I mentioned "Gotta Be You" a little while ago, and I've been streaming 2NE1's discography nonstop since then. So now I have to impulse-write this one, because I forgot how much I love their music and I absolutely must screech about it!! I think EXID is my favorite second-gen group, actually, but 2NE1 is a very close second--they have the kind of star power that I'm completely in awe of. I got into 2NE1 in 2020, via Angelina from ktube, so I've never experienced a comeback from them (though let's just say Park Bom's "Do Re Mi Fa Sol" took over my life for a good while when it came out), but I've still made so many memories with their music over the past four years & have plenty to say about it!

1. Gotta Be You

One of those perfect pop songs--it's almost four minutes long (cue the cheering from fifth-gen stans!!), and each moment feels perfectly engineered to be a dopamine rush all on its own. It's bright and full of life, and even after four years of being a mainstay on my playlists, I still find myself obsessing over this one.

2. Fire

This could easily be my favorite debut ever, though I'd hate to overlook Lucy's "Flowering" like that! The 2NE1 ladies are SO commanding in this song, and it's crammed full of hooks that have stood the test of time. Even with its quilted-together approach to song structure, "Fire" is pretty much infinitely danceable & never feels jarring. It's a similar style of campy dance-pop to 4Minute's debut with "Hot Issue" (which I also love), but "Fire" is constructed so much more carefully--it has an incessant energy that "Hot Issue" doesn't, and it shows off 2NE1's capabilities so impressively!

3. Lonely

This is definitely the most obvious pick here--of course "Lonely" is in the top three. For newbies: before Blackpink's "Stay", there was 2NE1's "Lonely". This one is such an easy listen, a comforting ballad that never tests your patience. Its hook isn't a big final chorus that you have to wait for, it's the steady presence of the chorus throughout the song that's so simple, yet so satisfying. Though this may not be what you expect from a hit 2NE1 song, it's iconic in its own way.

4. Come Back Home - Unplugged Ver.

If you've ever heard me talk about Blackpink's "Whistle - Acoustic Ver", this should come as no surprise! These two songs occupy similar spaces in my mind. I love that we got this unplugged version, without the beat drop, because it really gives the sadness and longing of "Come Back Home" room to breathe. And the 2NE1 ladies really take advantage of that, too--their line deliveries are crammed with interesting details that really make this track special. Also, CL's rap over acoustic guitar is such a highlight.

5. It Hurts (I usually listen to the Japanese version!)

Yes, this is the third ballad in a row, sorry! This one took me a while to get, but now I'm wailing "YOU'RE NOT MINE ANYMORE !!!!!" right along with them. This whole song is one really slow build, so it took me a while to find the patience for it--but the payoff, with those big emotive high notes, is so worth it.

6. Scream

You really have to look past the second-gen cringe for this one, but I'm more than willing, because "Scream" has quite a bit of depth to it behind that grating post-chorus. This is the best use of Park Bom's vocals like, ever, I think--she sets the chorus on fire. And that bridge is heavenly; after CL's first "I fell in love", my heart melts.

7. Don't Cry (Park Bom solo)

This song saved a friendship for me once, funny enough. I know not everyone loves Park Bom's voice as much as I do--she doesn't have the range of abilities that a lot of other vocalists do, so I get it--but I find her performance here, paired with that fuzzy early-2010's production, just so wonderfully soothing.

8. Ugly

A once-in-a-generation kind of chorus, and 2NE1 have the vocals to back it up.

9. Falling in Love

Yeah, sue me, "Falling in Love" is in the top ten. This is trash, sure, but it's exactly my kind of trash. For being as annoying as it is, this song has some legitimately gorgeous vocal sections, too (what is this, an NCT song?). Like, Minzy's voice in the verses? Oh my god. And CL's first-verse rap may well be 2NE1's best--it's fast-paced but sooo catchy, it flows easily but has quite a bit of kick to it. In conclusion, I can see how people think this is an absolute abomination, but I've never had a bad time listening to it--and I listen to it a lot, believe it or not!

10. Please Don't Go (CL & Minzy)

After I heard the chorus once, I knew I'd never be able to stay away from this song. Be warned: the second-gen cringe is strong here, so this won't be for everyone, but CL & Minzy really perform the hell out of it--they bring "Please Don't Go" some clarity, and it ends up a really addictive pop anthem! And that final chorus, when the vocals (the HARMONIES!!!) get to take center stage?? This song is a gem, truly.

Honorable Mentions: You & I (Park Bom solo), Hate You, Missing You, I am the best (obligatory), I Love You, Hello Bitches (CL solo), Spring (Park Bom & Dara), Lovely (Minzy solo) (there's also a Tagalog version of this one, which is so cool!)

[warmaidensrevenge]

Loss

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Today I feel like I need to cry really bad. But I don't like to. It's just a big mess and I look ugly. So I wanted to write something a bit sad. So here goes nothing. I was inspired by Slipknots song Snuff and Jimmy Eat World song Hear You Me. Thanks for reading. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya bye.

Warnings: +18 Mentions of death, arguing, drug dealing/use, alcohol use, language, slight body insecurities, oral, smut, hurt, angst, and not proof read and no word count.

One shot

Summary: Tragedy makes you do shit you shouldn't. But your best friend doesn't give up on you. Eddie Munson will do whatever it takes to get you through it.

😔💔

When you first met Eddie he was 14 years old. He had just moved in with his uncle after his mom passed. At first you didn't like him. He was so loud and jittery. Constantly talking. But what made you actually not like him is when he kissed you on a dare. His buddies in the 8th grade dared him to kiss the 7th grade chubby nerdy girl. You were outside your next class reading Where the Red Fern Grows. You had started to cry when the little boy died.

Out of nowhere this kid with a shaved head came and sat next to you.

" Hey what's the matter?" He asked, sounding a little sad.

" Oh. Umm. It's just the book." You mumbled, wiping away your tears.

He plucked the book from your hands and looked over the cover.

" This is about dogs right?"

" Yeah. Kinda."

He looked at you and handed back the book. " You know a pretty girl like you shouldn't be crying. People will think you're a crybaby."

You looked at him to say something but he quickly kissed you.

When he pulled away you were so pissed. You balled up your fist and decked him.

He immediately grabbed his jaw and his eyes filled with tears.

" I-I.. I'm sorry." His voice broke.

You could tell he really was trying not to cry. You felt just a little bad. Maybe he didn't deserve to be nearly knocked out. But then again. This weirdo just kissed you.

You stood up and pointed your finger in his face.

" DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! YOU CANT JUST GO AROUND KISSING PEOPLE!"

" I-I know s-sorry." He stuttered.

" Next time you do something that stupid. Ask permission!"

You stormed off to the girls bathroom and cried.

Ever since then you could not get rid of Eddie Munson. To him you were his best friend. To you he was merely an acquaintance. The rest of the 7th grade Eddie Munson was around. When he went to highschool he would get dropped off in front of your house just to walk you to and from school.

After school he would stay at yours until his uncle could pick him up. Which annoyed you like crazy. Sure Eddie was funny. But you could not stand him worth a damn.

But your parents did. You didn't know of they actually liked the dork. Or if they felt sorry for him being underprivileged. Either way they always liked having him around. Especially your dad.

You loved your dad more than anything in the world. It was because of him you gave Eddie a chance to be an actual friend. Your dad always gave you so much shit for being rude to Eddie. He would even make fun of you two. Saying one day you guys would get married and have tons of babies. Which you absolutely hated the thought of.

Once you got to highschool you and Eddie bonded more than you cared for. With the same types of problems you guys grew close. When he got older he calmed down. Not by much, but enough for you to actually be able to be in his presence longer than five minutes.

He put all that energy into his campaigns, and he started playing the guitar. Which was nice sometimes. He would go on tangents about how epic his storyline was for every campaign. He would get so theatrical that it was quite funny.

By the time you were a junior, Eddie was a senior. The bullying brought you guys even closer than before. He was bullied for being a "Freak". Long hair and rock music was not your peers norm. But for Eddie and you. It was. He was cool, and very nice. But others refused to see that.

They also refused to see you that way too. They saw nothing more than an ugly fat geek. Yes you were larger than your classmates and you didn't put on pounds of makeup. You liked to read and got straight A's. But you were not ugly. At least that's what Eddie would say.

Did you believe him? Well no.

But he did a lot to keep your mind from putting you down. He really did become a great friend. He was always there. Flirting away. Calling you beautiful all the time. Always play fighting with you, or teased you for being so darn cute. He did things that, from the outside looking in were suspicious. But to you and him you were just really good friends.

You never saw him like that. And to be honest you didn't want to. Sure he was devilishly handsome, and one of the nicest guys. But you just didn't see him that way.

He really was just a friend. Well until he wanted more.

...

He had been a forest firefighter for a majority of his life. And you could not have been prouder. He was the best dad in the whole world.

You were 18 when the unthinkable happened. You were a senior now and Eddie was doing his senior year over again. One afternoon your dad had gotten an emergency call and had to go.

See you knew your dad's job was dangerous. He literally fought fires with fire. He was well liked and a hero to everyone in Hawkins. But to you he was better than Superman.

Every time he went to work you made his crew promise to bring him back. And they did. Every time. Well until they didn't.

The fire was burning through the forest way too fast and with the winds blowing at 50 mph, it just got worse.

Your mom and you were escorted to the highschool gymnasium. All the thirteenth families of your dad's crew were there. People were freaking out and you weren't stupid. You knew something awful happened.

The captain of the fire department came and gave you the worst news you've ever heard.

Your father and his entire crew's bodies were found. They had gotten trapped and couldn't make it out. Your mother fell to the ground and wept.

You didn't believe it. It wasn't true. The guys promised to bring him back. You stood there staring at the door. Waiting for your dad to run in and say it was just a terrible joke. But he never came.

You were angry, and hurt. That you didn't know what to do. You knew your mom needed you then. But you needed something else or someone else. You needed your best friend. This shit you had planned on the drive to his trailer was stupid to say the least. But you need just a moment to get out of your current reality.

...

Eddie had been in love with you from the moment his lips touched yours. Sure it ended with a sock in the jaw. But he was yours then, and still yours now. Did you know that? Hell no. Did Eddie want to tell you? Absolutely not. You were his most trusted and bestest friend. He swore he would never do anything to jeopardize the friendship he tried so hard to build. He worked hard to get your parents to love him and he helped you even when you didn't ask for it. Which was hardly ever. You were very stubborn. But incredibly sweet. Though at first you resist Eddie's friendship. He eventually got you to see him for who he really was. That he wasn't a freak or scary or any of those awful things anyone said about him. However, he liked you and he had to keep you in his life. Even if it was just as a friend.

So he shoved his fondness for you into the deepest part of his heart. But then when you got to highschool you really proportioned out. Yes you were still thicker than most and he would have loved you either way. But you were growing up to be the most beautiful girl he had the pleasure of viewing.

Eddie's affection for you only grew. He always had to compliment you and touch you. Of course only if you would let him. He flirted a lot. He couldn't help it. The girl of his dreams was right in front of him all the time. But as a man of his word. He wouldn't ruin this beautiful friendship with you.

That was until all hell broke loose.

He was home that night. His uncle was at the plant as usual pulling a double. Eddie had just finished writing a new campaign when you came.

Eddie let you in, surprised that you came without calling. Normal when you came over you would call before. Giving him a warning to be decent. But he took it as 'Shit the love of my life is coming and I need to clean'.

When you came in you were off. He could always tell. But this time was different. This time you said stuff he wasn't expecting.

" Eddie. I need you to do me a favor."

" Uhhh okay?" He said taking a seat on the couch.

His eyes followed you back and forth as you paced his living room.

" ok but look. This is going to be...a lot...but I need you."

" What's going on princess?"

You stopped and looked at him letting out a long sigh. " Umm maybe I should just show you."

"Y/n?"

Eddie watched as you went towards his room. He was so confused. Normally you could talk to him. But you were being super cryptic and he was kinda scared.

He got up after a few seconds and followed you. He saw your shoes and socks in the hallway. As he got closer he kept finding more of what you were wearing. Picking them up along the way. When he turned the corner to his room he saw you in his bed.

The way you held his blanket up to your chest he just knew you were completely naked. Seeing your underwear and bra thrown on his dress also confirmed it.

He didn't know what to say. He would be lying if he said this wasn't a dream come true. But seriously what the hell?

" ummm princess. Are you naked?"

" Okay yes...I know this is a lot to ask but I really need you to have sex with me."

He was at a loss for words. Did you really just say that? Were you really in his bed? Naked?!

"I-I"

" Eddie. Please."

" Y/n? What's going on? We...we can't."

" Why?"

"I..."

" You're gonna tell me with all the flirting and all times you said that if I were your girl that you would take care of me. You're gonna say that and not want to take me when I offer?"

" Princess this is...this-"

" A lot to ask. I know. But I need you right now. I need you this way."

He always promised to be there for you. Whatever you need he would always be ready to help. Though he knew something was wrong, he had wanted this for so long.

Eddie closed his door and started to undress. He slid in next to you. Questions eating at him.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes Munson. I want this."

" But it's your first time."

You pulled at his shoulders to face you.

" yeah and I want it to be with you. I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

You looked at him with such adoration. You were right. He would never hurt you. You were his everything.

His best friend part of him kept telling him not to. To talk about what was going on in your head. But his teenage hormones were yelling at him otherwise. See he was a virgin too. He had never seen a boob in real life. Sure he had naughty well used magazines under his bed, along with a couple of porn films he swiped a long time ago. So he knew where things went and how to be safe about it. But he wasn't about to admit it was his first time too.

He hesitated for a second before leaning in and kissing your cheek.

" Is this okay?" He asked

" You can do more. I want you to do more."

Your words made his body shiver. He kissed down your neck as you laid down. His hands were firmly pressed against either side of you. Your hands were clutching the blanket.

As he kissed across your chest a small whimper rang in his ears. He looked up at you worried.

" Touch me Eddie. I want you to touch me."

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when you pushed the blanket down. Revealing your ample breast. They looked so soft and were so big his mouth watered at the sight. One of his hands started to massage your breast.

He just kept looking at you in utter amazement. Your chest covered in stretch marks. Your breasts were spilling out of his hands. God you were more beautiful than he originally thought.

" Can I ... suck on them?"

"umm... y-yeah...s-sure."

He licked his lips before kissing one of your nipples gently. He then opened his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Suckling with such tenderness. He lightly tugged at the raised nub with his teeth before sucking again. You moaned ever so softly that it gave him goosebumps.

Eddie knew even with his lack of experience, that it takes girls a little bit to get ready. So he was gonna make sure that your body was ready for him. Because his most definitely was. He had waited a long time for this. It's not like he didn't get offers. Because even though people saw him as a freak. Something about him being in a band had girls waiting for him after sets. But he never did anything with anyone. That was because he was saving himself for you. And though he knew you weren't in that state for him, he still wanted you to be his first and last everything.

He was still massaging and kissing and sucking on you when you lifted his head.

" Eddie. Now. I'm ready now."

Shit this was really going to happen. He was so nervous his hands started to shake when he was putting on the condom.

Finally it was on and he was now between your legs. He had to ask one more time.

" Y/n. Are you-"

" Eddie if you ask me again I swear I will leave."

Not wanting that he nodded.

" It might hurt."

After all this time you pulled him down for a deep kiss. He honestly hadn't believed that he didn't even kiss you. But God how badly he needed it. How badly he needed you.

Then it happened. You helped guide him to where you wanted and he went slow. He shut his eyes at this feeling he really couldn't describe. You were so warm and wet. And fuck so damn tight. He could feel himself already there. But he wasn't even in all the way. So he had to stop just to regain control.

Your body shook as his tip went in. It did hurt. But not in a bad way. His stretch was incredible. And when he stopped you wanted more.

" Eddie. God. More...please."

Eddie said a soft fuck as he continued to pushing through. There was a spot where he had to push a little hard making you gasp.

He was scared as hell. He looked up to see you covering your mouth. He stopped again to let you give him the okay.

Once he felt your body relax you nodded. He kept going until he felt a soft spot that made you moan so loud he knew he was hitting that spot.

The beautiful pain that caused made tears fall from the corners of your eyes. This wasn't at all what you expected. Eddie was huge. You hadn't seen or felt a penis before. But you knew that he was big. You weren't sure how it was gonna work but he was doing an excellent job keeping your thoughts at bay.

You need this. This comfort. Sure it was a dumb idea to sleep with your best friend. But at this moment, nothing mattered. It was just you and Eddie.

This felt like it was supposed to happen.

You felt this fire grow deep within you. With every slow thrust of his hips made something happen. And when you kissed him it felt... different.

You were clenching him so tight he couldn't hold back anymore. He felt your body tense again and he knew you were cumming. Your back arched and his hunched as he finally let go.

He slowly pulled out and watched you. He laid down trying to catch his breath. You pulled the blanket back over you to hide yourself and he felt bad.

After what you guys did you were still hiding from him. It was awkward for a few minutes. He got up to grab a towel for you. He took off the condom and discarded it.

When he went back to the room you were getting dressed. He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and sat next to you.

You sat there thinking about everything. You just had sex with your best friend. You could swear you would feel different. You thought you would feel bad for basically forcing him to do it. But you didn't. It didn't feel wrong. It actually felt right. It felt...good.

Then your thoughts went dark.

" Princess? Are you okay?"

You could feel Eddie watching you. You wanted to look at him, but now you were ashamed. Not about what just happened, but why it happened.

" N-no."

Now Eddie could think clearly. Did he do something wrong? It sure felt right to him. Should he have just said no? Was this a mistake? No. It felt too good to be.

He looked at you and tears were rolling down your face. He wrapped an arm around your waist and you just turned and buried your face in his chest.

You cried so hard that all he could do was hold you. You had never cried like this before. Your whole body trembled. Your crying made him cry too.

"W-what happened y/n?"

...

Eddie stood next to you two weeks later holding your hand while they buried your father. You were gone. You weren't you anymore. The smile Eddie had loved so much was gone. You were quiet and you cried all the time.

You had stayed with him every night since. He held you as you cried yourself to sleep. You moved like a ghost. He tried to distract you with whatever he could. But nothing was working.

You were a shell of who you used to be. Burying your father was the worst day of your life. You should have been with your mom those two weeks. But for some reason you blamed her for it.

Instead you stayed with Eddie and his uncle. You finally went back to school after the funeral. You roamed the halls like a zombie. Constantly running off to the bathroom to cry. Eddie would have to be the one to find you and calm you down enough to get back to class. He really was your saving grace.

Three months after the funeral you and Eddie started hooking up on the reg. You constantly found yourself either in the back of his van riding him or out in the woods where he sold drugs.

This day in particular you were laying down with your ass on the edge of the table. Eddie was on his knees between your legs going to town.

He'd been at this for the better part of the hour. You guys totally missed lunch and part of class. But it didn't matter. He was a god with his tongue. His touch made you forget about everything. He was working on your fourth orgasm when you sat up on your elbows.

" Munson we're gonna get detention if we don't go back."

He hummed into you, licking and sucking on your clit.

" Haven't even put my fingers in yet." He mumbled

You laid back down and moaned when he slid his long thick fingers into you.

Eddie couldn't get enough of your pussy. The damn thing was intoxicating. To be fair everything about you was. He just loved when you came on his tongue. He could live off your sweet nectar.

When you came for the final time he licked and swallowed every last drop. You sat up and pulled his hand to suck off your juice. Making his cock ache. He wanted to feel your walls hugged him. He wanted to bury his throbbing cock deep into your perfect pussy but you were right. You guys had to go back.

Once you put on your panties you hopped off the table and pulled down your dress. Both of you smirk and walk back.

" Coming tonight?" Eddie asked, shoulder bumping you.

" uh huh."

" Cool."

Eddie didn't know what was going on with you two. But he loved you so he was happy with whatever you gave him. He wanted you to be his girl. But this secret hooking up was making it clear that it was what you wanted for now. He wasn't complaining. He liked being with you like this and other ways too.

All he wished was that he knew what was going on in your head. You didn't talk about your father. Shit you barely talked at all. Which he missed like crazy. He missed the conversations and the laughs. He was determined to get you back by giving you whatever you needed.

It was almost unbelievable when you asked him to get high that night. You had never once wanted to smoke with him. Or drink for that matter. But when you came over you had asked.

When he came back you were naked. He has seen you naked countless times by now. But holy fuck were you so beautiful. Every curve, every stretch mark, all your perfect imperfections. He loved them all.

Of course he wasn't going to say no. He'd been wanting to see what you were like inebriated.

You sat on his couch while he went to his room to get his metal lunch box. He pulled out a perfectly rolled joint and smirked.

You were laying down with a small throw just covering your mid section.

" God princess."

You lifted your arms for him to come to you. He stripped down to his boxers and laid on top of you. His hands were on either side of your face with the joint and lighter in one hand.

" I thought you wanted to smoke."

" I do....But I want you inside me while we do."

" hmm never done this before." He grinned.

You pushed his hair back behind his ears and lifted a bit to kiss his neck. He threw his head back and groaned. You nipped at his neck and lifted your hips to his.

"Fuu.." he moaned when you sucked a small bruise on his shoulder.

He got to his knees and lit the joint taking a long puff. You went for his boxers freeing his cock. He leaned back down and blew the smoke into your mouth.

" Hold it." He whispered

He kissed your cheek down to your neck. You slowly let out the smoke and coughed slightly. He removed his mouth from your chest and took another hit. His lips met yours and he kissed you while blowing the smoke.

He guided himself into you. Sucking a large dark hickey on your chest. Doing this without protection was the new normal for him. The day after you got on birth control you threw away all his condoms.

He moved the blanket barrier because he wasn't close enough.

He did so. Taking one last puff of the joint before putting it out. He blew into your mouth then started to hit that sweet spot just how you liked it. He had you cumming in just a few minutes. He came too. Filling you up with his love. Cumming in you was the best thing in the world to him he secretly wished you would get pregnant so you would always be with him.

" Harder." You moaned.

Once he was done he sat back trying to catch his breath. The weed finally kicked in and you started to giggle. His heart was full at hearing that. It had been so long since you laughed.

" Fuck Munson." You said breathlessly.

" Y-yeah."

He got up and went to get a wash cloth and cleaned you up. You pulled on your panties and shirt. After you laid him his arms enjoying the high. You guys talked and laughed. Reliving all the fond memories you two had together.

"Do you remember when you and your uncle came over for Christmas for the first time?"

Eddie smiled. " Yeah."

He remembered everything about that day. He was almost 16 and it was his very first white Christmas. You and him were in your room. He was showing you his new Megadeth album while you finished knitting his beanie.

He was so happy that day. You had finally started warming up to him and hung out with him. You guys listened to the music and just talked about what to expect for your freshman year.

You had got up to open a window because all the cooking was making the house super hot. When you did you squealed.

" It's snowing."

Eddie jumped up and went to look too. He had honestly never seen snow. He grabbed your hand and you guys ran to the front door and put on your jackets.

It was really cold that night but Eddie didn't care. He wanted to build a snowman man. Out of nowhere you started throwing snow balls at him. He didn't want to hurt you so he just dodged them. His hands were freezing and you noticed. You went inside and grabbed his presents and two mugs of hot cocoa.

He put on his beanie and mittens and sat with you on the porch watching the snow fall. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he smiled. He had considered this to be your guy's first date.

" Remember we got so sick the next day."

Eddie laughed. " God yeah. That was so bad. I remember your dad made us his firehouse chili. It was so spicy I swear my mouth was on fire. But it did make me feel better. The snot just flowed out of me."

" Y-Yeah." Your voice broke.

Shit he didn't mean to bring up your dad.

" I'm sorry princess. I-"

" It's okay. Don't worry about it. It...it was a really great day."

He held you tighter. He wanted so badly to ask you to be his girl. But he didn't know if you were ready yet. All this time he was falling deeper in love with you. Sex was so damn good, he couldn't imagine it getting any better. You were an absolute goddess to him. He worshipped your body every chance he got. He thought that maybe you loved him too. You had to right? You wouldn't be doing this just to get your rocks off. But then again you were distant when it wasn't just you two.

Many weeks went by and you were changing even more. You had started drinking and skipping school like crazy. You stop staying with him, finally going back home. But you would eventually show up every other day. Wanting him to fuck you. Of course he did. He always wanted to give you what you needed. But you didn't seem to realize what you were doing to him. You were hurting him.

It was like you only wanted him when you were sad. And though Eddie hated you being sad he just wanted to help.

...

You were growing distant from everyone. It's not like you wanted to. But you did. Being with Eddie made you feel ok for a little while. But you wanted to stop sleeping with him. Because you were getting way too attached. It felt like every time you had sex you were getting used to the idea of him always being around.

You knew that wasn't the case. Everyone dies. Your dad made that clear to you. Sure you knew it was going to eventually happen but the reality of it was too much. You didn't want to lose Eddie too. He became too important too fast. And your feelings for him grew to the point where you loved him. Sure you "loved" him before. But not like this. He was quickly taking over your heart. And that was something you did not want.

Eddie has been an important person in your life. He was your best friend. But things went too far and you noticed that Eddie was getting attached too. And you needed it to stop.

So one night you confessed how you felt. You were always honest with him. And though you didn't want to hurt him. You actually wanted to be with him. But the thought of losing him was too much to bear.

Eddie was sitting on his bed listening to you say that you couldn't do this anymore. He was right. You weren't ready for a serious thing. It broke his heart but he could understand that. Not wanting to lose you too he agreed to stop with the sexual stuff.

However, he hadn't expected for you to pull away from him entirely. The only time he had seen you was at school. You withdrew from Hellfire and all the extra curricular activities. For weeks you were just not around.

He missed you like crazy. He tried to talk to you but you constantly scurried away when he got close. Why were you doing this to him? Weren't you guys still friends?

All his thoughts went back to sleeping with you. He knew it shouldn't have happened. Well it should have but not like that. He knew something was there. You had feelings for him too. How could you not? One night when you had fallen asleep in his arms you moaned an I love you.

He loved you so very much. And that's all he wanted to do. But you kept up the distance and it hurt.

One Saturday Eddie went to a party to deal some drugs. He had planned on going to your house after to try and talk but you were at this party. You had clearly been drinking. You didn't see him but he saw you. Some guy was kissing on your neck while you were drinking a beer.

Words couldn't describe the pain Eddie felt in his heart. Is this what you were doing these past few weeks? Had you moved on? He thought you said you weren't ready. Why the fuck would you be letting some guy be on you like that, when you wanted him?

He was so angry that he was ready to beat the shit out of the guy. But that's when he saw who it was. Billy Hargrove. His dad was one of the crew members with your dad.

Eddie put two and two together. You attached yourself to the only person who knew how you felt. He took off cursing the world for not being the one you needed.

He went home balling his eyes out for you. For all the pain you felt that he couldn't help you with. He cried for himself. How much it hurt him to see you with someone else.

...

It was stupid. Letting Billy touch you. You were already four beers, three shots of tequila in when he started to hit on you.

You really weren't paying too much attention to him, until he started getting closer. Soon you were leaning up against a wall with him kissing on your neck. Then he started touching you everywhere.

" Let's go find a room" he mumbled into your neck.

" Umm y-yeah. Why don't...don't you find an empty one. And-and I'll get us more drinks."

He nodded and left. You stumbled to the kitchen looking for the phone. The numbers were blurry and the room started to spin a little. It took you two times to punch in the right number.

"Hello?"

" M-munson"

" Y/n?"

" H-hey. I'm at erm... a party. And I don't...feel good."

" I'll be right there."

You didn't even bother to hang up the receiver. You made it outside and sat down. The spinning got worse causing you to throw up. After you just laid on the ground and fell asleep.

Eddie sped over to find you passed out on the grass.

" Fuck!"

He ran to you holding you in his lap. You reeked of booze and vomit.

" Princess? C'mon. Wake up."

You groaned slightly. " Ed-Eddie?"

" Yeah baby. I'm here. C'mon. Let's go home."

Once he got to his trailer, he helped you into the showered. He got in too washing you up. He had pulled out a pair of pajamas you left there and helped you get dressed. He brushed your hair and braided it before you guys laid down.

He watched you all night. Making sure you were okay. You had started talking in your sleep. Which normally you just moaned a little.

" Eddie please don't go."

He hugged you tighter. " I'm not going anywhere."

"I...love you."

He knew it was just sleep talking but he waited so long to hear those words come from you again. He kissed your forehead.

" I love you y/n."

...

Sometime in the very early morning he fell asleep. But when he woke up you were gone. He tried calling you. He even went to your house. But no one was there.

It wasn't until Monday when he saw you at school. He tried to talk to you all morning but for some reason you kept avoiding him. Even in the classes you had together you didn't even look at him. You were breaking his heart.

During lunch he couldn't take it anymore. He needed this conversation to happen.

He looked everywhere for you to no avail. That was until he found you in the parking lot. You were in Billy's car doing something. As he got closer he saw exactly what you were doing.

You had a rolled up dollar bill to your nose and were sniffing some white powder. Eddie freaked the fuck out. He pulled open the door.

"Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

"Mun-"

He pulled you out by your arm, dragging you towards his van.

" YOU'RE HURTING ME!" You cried out.

Out of the blue he felt a pair of hands on him.

Billy pulled you away and got in his face.

" What the hell's your problem man?! Don't you see she doesn't want to go with you?!"

"FUCK YOU HARGROVE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING HER THAT SHIT?!" Eddie shoved him and went back to grab your hand.

Before he could Billy tackled him. They were rolling around throwing blow after blow.

You were yelling for them to stop. A few kids came and surrounded you guys. You tried to grab Billy off but he pushed you away.

When Eddie saw you fall he got the upper hand and was now on top of Billy. Punch after punch. Eddie was going off.

Finally teachers came and ripped the two apart.

Everyone was suspended. Billy was a bloody mess and Eddie had a busted lip and a bloody nose. When you were all sent home you had a choice to make. Go with Eddie or go with Billy.

You made the stupidest choice. You could see the hurt in Eddie's eyes when you got into Billy's car.

...

Eddie was beyond pissed. How could you choose Billy over him? You said you loved him. What the fuck was wrong with you?!

When he got home his uncle was getting ready to leave. They had gotten into an argument about his suspension.

Eddie didn't say why he got into a fight. Just that Billy threw the first punch. When his uncle left Eddie went to the restroom to see the damage.

His knuckles were all bruised and sore. His nose had some dried blood. But other than that he was fine. Physically that is. Emotionally he was a wreck.

He cleaned himself up and changed his clothes. He lit a cigarette and went outside.

A familiar car approached. But he couldn't look at you. When you got off you stood a few feet in front of him.

" Eddie? Are you okay?" Your soft voice only served to hurt him more.

" What the hell are you doing here?" He said taking a drag of his cigarette.

" I came to see if you were okay."

"Why?"

" What do you mean why?"

" Y/n don't act like you care about me."

" What?! I do care about you."

"No you don't! You only care about yourself."

"Eddie-"

" No y/n. You have to stop this. Whatever you're doing."

" I'm not doing anything-"

" YES YOU ARE! Don't you see how you're acting and what you're doing is affecting me?'

Of course you did. That's why you were keeping your distance. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt your best friend.

" Eddie I'm sorry. I-"

" Don't be. Just fucking go."

You didn't know what to say. You loved him. But all you kept doing was hurting him.

"Do you really want me to go? Because I don't want to...We need to talk about this."

He took another puff. Now he had a choice to make. Hurt more or let you go. Letting go though wasn't an option for him.

He sighed. "Y/n look. Maybe the way things happened for us was not okay. But I'm glad it did. I know that what we were doing wasn't wrong...I've wanted you for so long that everything we did felt like it was supposed to happen. Looking back when we first met it's crazy to think about. I never thought that every day since we would be building a bond that was so strong. A bond that makes me want you forever. Y/n you are my best friend. And - and I know you're going through a lot right now. But I can be here for you. You don't need to get wasted or do drugs to get past this. What you need is to talk to me. Be with me. Be my best friend again. I can help you. You know I lost my mom too. You don't need Billy or anyone else. I love you y/n. And I need you to see that I'm not going anywhere."

This was exactly what you didn't want to happen. This is the reason you wanted to stay away from him. You needed him. But you didn't want to need anyone. You wanted to just disappear.

There was shit going on that no one knew. And with Billy knowing how it felt to lose a parent that way, he got it. Eddie lost his mom too. But that was years ago and she died from an illness. You thought he wouldn't understand.

But he did. He knew what it was like to hurt that way. He knew what it was like trying to drown out your sorrows with alcohol and drugs. Shit you were the one to get him to stop doing it so much. But things were changing now.

" Eddie as much as I would like to say that I love you too. I can't. Everything is so messed up that we can't go back. We can't just start over."

" I don't want to start over. I want to fix whatever is wrong."

" Eddie... we're moving."

The cigarette butt burned his fingers and he tossed it. He looked at you and was confused.

" W-what?"

You wiped away a tear. " My mom can't afford the house now. So we are moving to Arizona with my grandparents."

"W-what?!"

His world started falling apart. No this can't be happening.

" That's why I tried to stay away. That's why I needed too. That and I don't want to hurt you anymore...we can't do this... I'm still grieving for my dad. I keep making the wrong choices. And I need to get myself back. I can't love you. I don't want to."

Eddie's eyes started to swell with tears. He stood up getting closer to you.

" You love me though... You love me? That's why you keep pushing me away?"

" Eddie. I can't. I'm leaving."

He got closer. " No. Just admit it. You love me. That's why you chose to be with me. Have me be your first? Did you know that you were mine too?"

" Eddie I-"

" No princess. Don't deny it now." He was so close now. His body was pressed up against yours.

" You love me. You want to be with-"

You took a step back. "I don't want to lose you too."

" What?" He said taking a step back as well.

He could hear your shuddered breathing. " Eddie everyone leaves or dies. It's just best if I leave. And you move on."

" Nope."

Eddie pulled you into his arms. " I'm not leaving. I'm not dying anytime soon. And you are not leaving me without telling me the truth."

You hung your head shaking it.

He cupped your face with one hand making you look at him.

" Tell me you don't love me." He kissed your cheek. "Tell me the thought of being without me doesn't keep you up at night...Tell me that you don't always want to be in my bed. That you don't dream about me like how I dream about you... Tell me that when you look at me you don't see a future with us having kids and married. Because I do. I see all that with you...Tell me you don't love it when I make love to you...tell me you don't and I'll let you go."

Fuck why did he have to say that. Of course you felt all that and more. But you couldn't. You shouldn't.

" Kiss me...Kiss m-"

Eddie pulled you closer and kissed you with everything he had. Another stupid decision. But God it felt so good when you're with him. He was your everything. Your love. Your best friend.

You guys ended up in his room. You were on top of him slowly rocking your hips back and forth. Your mouths attached to one another's. Eddie was right about everything. You loved him with every fiber of your being.

After you laid in his arms. You wanted to confess your feelings. But this was the end. It had to be.

...

You spent every night with Eddie until you were about to leave Hawkins. Eddie tried to get you to stay. He even had his uncle agree to have you live with them. But you refused.

Eddie was standing outside of your house. You guys had just finished packing up the moving van. You said your goodbyes last night. But he couldn't let you leave without hearing you say it.

" Y/n. Please. Just tell me."

" What good would it do if I said it?"

" Then I'll know that you do. And I can go on and think none of this was a mistake."

You sighed. " No words can describe all the feelings I have for you. You have shown me what love really is. That it goes beyond sex. It's the way you talk to me, the way you hold me, the way you touch me. It's how you always show up when I need you... I didn't fall in love with you because I wanted to. I fell in love with you because everything felt right. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone. I fell in love with you for all the reasons you showed me every single day... Eddie...until the stars stop twinkling, until the sun no longer burns, until the world stops turning. I will always love you. I swear I will... forever."

Eddie's heart broke all over again. He knew it. And now you were leaving him.

He gave you one last kiss before he watched you leave.

Maybe in another life or at another time. You guys could have been together. He stood there with eyes full of tears knowing you took a piece of him with you.

He knew you would never come back. And though he told himself that one day he would be okay. You would always have his heart.

...

@salenorona23

[kimseokjinn]

hi. genuinely how do you deal with this fandom? i am reaching burnt out levels of exhaustion dealing with its whining, witch hunting underdog complex. i get things have been rough but some of them really act out like children. worse, like headless chicken who can't be trusted in society. the level of pettiness infantilization and almost cult like behavior that some parts of it are exhibiting is honestly worrying. and that's without mentioning the feeling of entitlement to the members private moments. i just. so goddamn tired of it all. i have tired but i dont think i can keep interact with it as closely as I've been doing

and i cant speak for them, but I fear the members are also getting sick of it

I simply curate my fandom experience that benefits my level of well-being.

In the beginning, I will admit that I engaged in ridiculous fandom arguments over the idea that Jungkook was essentially carrying BTS on his back. This was back when people loved to make comments about wanting to see Jin enlisting and not being a part of the band because he was a "terrible singer and dancer". Or, that Joon was ugly. After a few months, I decided to step back and realize that these fandom wars were doing nothing but ruining my enjoyment of being an Army.

I decided to limit my time on Twitter because that was a continuous cesspool of nasty armchairs that had no problem putting a lil 7 in their display names while bashing any member that wasn't their bias. Twitter was also being overrun by the deluded shippers who thought that taekook or jikook were in this ill-fated secret relationship. I had to step back and stop before I ended up leaving the fandom altogether

(I will admit that when taemins album was dropping, I went and argued with people who were losing their shit over a song name and album cover💀😅. )

I decided that Tumblr was going to be the only platform where I interacted with the fandom, and while I have been out of the loop, I've still maintained the same love and enjoyment I had when I first joined the fandom.

I don't know what it's been like on other platforms in terms of the things you listed, but I can only imagine it's escalated in the 7 years I've been in this fandom. So many new and ignorant people enter the fandom to incite problems, so it's better to block and move on.

Frankly, it wouldn't be that much of an assumption to assume that they are annoyed with. I mean, it's been 10 years of nonsense. How many times has Jungkook had to change his phone number? How many times has Taehyung straight up said that he doesn't like the "fans" screaming in their faces at the airport? How many lives have we seen people asking Jungkook invasive questions? This man avoided the internet for a long time, and when he decides to give us multiple lives, some people act like self entitled brats and think they deserve an all-access pass into his life. The infantilization of jungkook alone probably upset him more than we know. I mean, one of their last fan signs had JK receiving baby-related things. He was in his early 20s for crying out loud. Talk about insulting.

Sorry for my novel, but I simply recommend cutting out the stressful things and focusing on maintaining your love for BTS and the fandom in a capacity that is healthy for you even if that means removing certain aspects.

[mimikyuno]

What was irama like at school? Since he's entering Sanremo again I want the tea ☕

omg i forgot mentioning this on tumblr like 2 years ago so at first when i read this ask i was like HOW DO YOU KNOW alsgslsghj

THIS GOT LONG so i’ll put it under a read more cut sorry alahslsh i love talking about good old filippo maria

but anyway he was kinda chill. we were classmates only for a year and a half but he and i were friends actually! basically he had to repeat the first year of high school so he switched to my school, was there for a year and a half and then switched to one of those school that do “two years in one”. last i heard from him he told me he failed the two in one and started a three years in one but then we drifted apart and that was gosh. over 10 years ago? being a little lesbian helped me get close to him bc everyone had a massive crush on him or anyway was intimidated by him so i think he liked that i was a bit weird (autism) and uninterested in him, especially since we went to a school with mostly girls; in my class the first year we were 27 girls vs 2 boys (him being one of the 2).

im pissed at him bc before he switched schools he lent me his one piece mangas (first 5 volumes) and i lent him my woodstock dvd and he just switched schools without warning any of us and he never gave me the dvd back 😤 and i had Just returned him the first volume of one piece which is very hard to find lmao

the best story i have from high school with him is that as i said we were kinda good friends (again why i was also upset he just. switched schools without saying anything to me or anyone else? i mean we still talked after he left but only via text and only sporadically for a year or so) and during one lesson he passed me a paper where he had written a song and he was like “you’re good at writing what do you think of my lyrics?” and i told him they were quite tacky and he got super offended 😭 in retrospect now that he’s a famous singer it’s hilarious to me

as for how he was like as i said, he was chill. honestly because he mostly slept, especially during the first 2-3 periods alsgslsg once our teacher called his parents to discuss this bc she was like “i think your son is doing drugs” and honestly she was right he was smoking soo much weed he was high 24/7 and he was the one who gave 4 of my classmates their first weed. i was there every time bc i hung out with him after school a few times and GOD CHRIST the last one was ugly but also one of my party stories even before he was famous.

WE WERE GONNA STUDY ENGLISH okay! he needed help in correcting the spelling and finishing a presentation for english class so after school we decided to go find a bench and study. as i mentioned above? 90% of the student body was girls, and they all crushed on him. so as we exited school we ran into a former classmate who was repeating the first year (were in the second at the time) and she decided to tag along. filippo just had to smoke before we studied, and he rolled a joint for our friend too. he had this bad habit of always rolling way too much weed (especially for first timers! got another classmate to throw up in class) and this girl straight up FAINTED on us. it was terrifying guys 😭 here we were, 15 and 16 and freaking out about her actually getting seriously sick and having to tell the police we had weed on us alsgslsgsl luckily it all resolved nicely and withou adults involved. he called his girlfriend of the time who ran there on her scooter and helped us take care of Fainted Girl. the most hilarious part of this story to me is that Girlfriend told filippo off and he was just like a little puppy literally this -> 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

BUT THE BEST PART was when Girlfriend ordered him to go to the store to get Fainted Girl food because she was starving and he ran and came back with ham 😭😭 like. prosciutto cotto in busta. his girlfriend and i laughed sm we started almost crying alshalag OF ALL THE SNACKS HE COULD HAVE BOUGHT! but fainted girl slurped that up like crazy and he was acting all smug. his gf and i kept laughing. then WHILE HIGH he drove me on his white vespa (yeah, he was That kind of guy) to where my mom was gonna pick me up and yeah. that was the last time we actually hung out before he switched schools. memorable. the ham part still makes me laugh when i think of his high face holding it alshsks his girlfriend and i were CRYING

sorry this got long but honestly i have even more stories he was chill but also a bit insane. the main reason i dislike him is that he was always quite arrogant. he came from a rich family and everyone crushed on him which gave him such an annoying ego. and the fact that he switched schools without saying anything was a tad rude, especially bc at first he didnt even answer my texts for a couple of weeks. we thought he died LMAO but no he just didn’t value us in the class enough to grace us with information or a goodbye. the fact that he came from a rich family was honestly probably the reason he got into sanremo giovani in the first place anyway. i wont say who his daddy works for bc idk if it’s public information and i dont wanna spread any rumours but. trust me im quite sure he got in bc of connections. all my former classmates and i agree on this lol. he was just a spoiled, arrogant kid who was also quite fun and chill. it just pisses me off how he gets fame and money probably thanks to his family! also how he never gave me my dvd back, im autistic i remember these things alshslsgsj oh and again, im autistic and rly care about these things but we were talking about ww2 in class once and i mentioned that my family at the time was part of the antifascist partisans and after class he was like “your family killed people how are u proud of it?” and i was like EXCUSE ME?! first of all they killed fascists who were like. trying to get people deported and were killing civilians. but he was adamant that being part of the resistance was as bad as being a fascist and that never sat right with me. but he was also 15/16 so i hope his mindset changed. ANYWAY YEAH. good old filippo

[baekhvuns]

HELLOOOOOO BAEKSY 👋🏻

It's been over a month wince Bin's passing and it feels both fresh (because it is) and like a lifetime ago 😭 I saw Seungkwan's recent photos and 💔

And I still can't believe Kai has been done so dirty, I feel so bad for him, Exo and Exols cause wtffff. I'm glad he has an option to be a social worker considering all his injuries, btw I always knew about his health issues, but forgot how severe some of them are/were 😭😭😭😭 the fact he's such a phenomenal dancer despite everything, damn he's build different. I hope he comes back soon or at least gives some updates. I still remember Taemin crying on live announcing his enlistment... I'm glad Kai managed to have a successful solo comeback, but Exo 💀 can't have shit in Exoland :///

Anyways I came back from Thailand and I'm sooooo sad I wanted to stay. Now I have to do some work before I see Shinee💀💀💀💀

Now this is a hate crime against me, I had to sit through Paradgim live (sorry besties, that song is bad, I can't defend it) and Limitless (it's just Flavourless lol) just for them to perform my two fave JP songs Dreamers and Still Here a few days later?! Idk who to blame for this, but 🔪🔪🔪🔪 https://twitter.com/NotBonkyP/status/1656626038061891590?t=WFgUCMDftnUun6ctl2B-Eg&s=19

Omg do you know this webtoon?! I'm not up to date with it, but Gikwang? And Park Min Young 👀 https://mydramalist.com/article/highlight-s-lee-gi-kwang-to-return-as-an-actor-in-marry-my-husband

God that model Hwa account is doing the most in the best way possible, admin ily! Like they're so right! Okay, listen to me, Ten is a YSL boy and he came to Bangkok for a YSL pop up event and I saw him 😳 (Mark Tuan was there too) felt really ugly in his presence, lmao. At least I was taller than him 😭 but imagine Seonghwa at that event as well 🤧 I bought a new bottle of Black Opium thinking about him

This Hwa https://twitter.com/modelhwapics/status/1657398403024691201?t=DFCCMRAJX5SWXbAZzjn0Xw&s=19 and this Ten https://twitter.com/goKPOP/status/1634540503495753730?t=KZxlBqqJUqjAlPaKKLNCUg&s=19 😭😭😭😭 in conclusion Seonghwa should come to the YSL event with Ten 😭

Sorry, gotta be a hater, but this https://twitter.com/ATEEZofficial/status/1657581504896049152?t=uRu2NNSZki2gOjjeUkOf5A&s=19 is lowkey ugly not to mention unreadable, definitely giving graphic design is my passion. And we'll never get a summer cb again, huh.... :( the title track title jajssjsajaajaja giving NCT?! And the poster is giving Xikers, lol

And yeah the concept pics and trailers, Hwa looks great, because he's photogenic as hell, he's a model! but I need them to retire the racing jackets and gloves, ENOUGH. And only HJ and MG are in a cowboy attire (retire cowboys too tbh, but if you're gonna do it, do it properly, commit!) https://twitter.com/no8signal/status/1654016472501587968?t=Q13ISE3940i0qZDTQKO8_Q&s=19 NOT AYO GRATATATA PLS YOU'RE NOT 127 USE YOUR WORDS I'M BEGGING 😭 it didn't register to me at the concert, because I was on my phone calling a friend, but I just remembered the snippet and hmmmm... idk. Sounds like this album will be similar to their previous one and it's not my fave, so I'm sad 😭

Me at biker Hwa: Baby boy you can't drive, but you sure look hot

And if TOLO is like Ghost then (it won't be, but...😳) There's a possibility I'll dislike it, but one thing about TY is he's gonna serve. Cannot fucking stand 2 Baddies or Sticker, but he did the most in the MV! And the teaser is cool, literally told us nothing about the concept and he's right he can be anything!

Aespa and Idle served 00s teen dramas, not really into the songs, but I like the vibes! Speaking of, I unfortunately do not like Unforgiven which is a shame, BUT FIRE IN THE BELLY IS A WORLD CUP SONG THE OLE OLE?!

PLS I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN'T HANDLE HIS LIQUOR HE'S SO CUTE Hwa 🤝 Taeyong https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1658796599492108289?t=df0kN-SetboKgRwATb51Nw&s=19 Leave him and his lightweight head alone https://twitter.com/nobodylikehwa/status/1658794890300465153?t=hDNoDdiDWtUjGvy-rEIR4w&s=19

Okay Taennie comeback in Paris?! Lowkey forgot about them, but I guess they're going strong? They're like modern Romeo and Juliet skjsjsjajasjjsa their fandoms couldn't hate each other more, they're both members of the most popular groups, very hot individuals and they thought "you know what? Let's date" and I respect it! But not Armchairs saying they're cosplayers I'm wheezing 😭😭😭😭 and V x Lisa together at an event again huhuhu

KQ and yet another fucking NFT and useless collab I'M SO TIRED OF THIS COMPANY https://twitter.com/ACRZ_Official/status/1659469042284118019?t=7w3bahQXN0IFos911xJWvw&s=19

He wants us to off ourselves wtffff https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1659569236312981506?t=6FOWWvpUQkon6tFK5plJcQ&s=19

If SM has 2 haters left it won't be you and I Baek, it will be Xiaodery, lmao. The amount of times they talked shit ajsjajbsbahahaha I imagine their manager in the front being like: 😶😶😶😶 WayV freedom when https://twitter.com/smoldejuns/status/1659872687727206401?t=BuCGuDJFKpW33HHLAy2-WA&s=19

My godddddd Hyunjin x Dua reunion and same Donatella ajsajhsbsjshajwn https://twitter.com/cornhingle/status/1661100011210276865?t=nOnphOuNrzUyCctak9CAbg&s=19

Troye?!?! Stand up, damn https://twitter.com/skzwrld0325/status/1661071948573466627?t=r5ITNthZf2Hs19G9623x_w&s=19

Alright that's enough from me jsjajsjahahsshaha, how are things? - DV 💖

hello!!!!

HELLOOOOOO BAEKSY 👋🏻 It's been over a month wince Bin's passing and it feels both fresh (because it is) and like a lifetime ago 😭 I saw Seungkwan's recent photos and 💔

HELLOOOOO AND YES ONE MONTH ALREADY WHAT THE FUCK 😭😭😭😭 the moon pictures i saw posted by his friends just break me 😭😭

And I still can't believe Kai has been done so dirty, I feel so bad for him, Exo and Exols cause wtffff. I'm glad he has an option to be a social worker considering all his injuries, btw I always knew about his health issues, but forgot how severe some of them are/were 😭😭😭😭 the fact he's such a phenomenal dancer despite everything, damn he's build different. I hope he comes back soon or at least gives some updates. I still remember Taemin crying on live announcing his enlistment... I'm glad Kai managed to have a successful solo comeback, but Exo 💀 can't have shit in Exoland :///

no bc he was SO excited,,, this was supposed to be their year everything was supposed to be perfect, world tour, full album, solo’s, concerts and actual promo from sm,, but it lasted 4 FUCKING WEEKS WHY CANT THEY EVER DROP A NORMAL ALBUM ITS BEEN 11 YEARS WHY DOES SOMETHING ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN BEFORE UR FUCKING COMEBACK 😭😭 IT COULDVE BEEN MY FIRST EXO CONCERT EXPERIENCE RHWKFJWK THIS IS BULLSHIT OH IM PISSED ALL OVER AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHAT THE FUCK COME BACK but the memes are the only thing getting me through this

despite it being longer im also glad he got to be a social worker,, right!! so many people were surprised this guy’s has his spine broken??? and the way he still hasn’t received surgery for his ankle that’s been messed for YEARS??? he really is so phenomenal when it comes to performing and it shows how much he enjoys it

i honestly wished all big bg’s went to the military during covid era,,, would’ve been so much easier 😭😭 I REMEMBER STOPPP WHEN HE CRIED IN HIS IG I GOTTA DEJA VU W KAI’S 😭😭😭 and the way people are using his crying picture for saying he’s crying bc he can’t evade military has me 🔫🔫🔫

he got the whole world rovering till now,,, hoping they recorded everything and got his photos for the albums bc id actually leave kpop if they fucking didn’t, my last straw is on thin ice w sm ent right now

BUT SHINEEE ALBUM !!!!!!! IM HOPING THEY FOLLOW IT UP WITH A WORLD TOUR 😭😭 need a body rhythm pt2 desperately

Anyways I came back from Thailand and I'm sooooo sad I wanted to stay. Now I have to do some work before I see Shinee💀💀💀💀

AHHHHH ARE U BACK IN ENGLAND??? miss ma’am u better get the best seats with all that hard work ur gonna out towards ur job 🔫

Now this is a hate crime against me, I had to sit through Paradgim live (sorry besties, that song is bad, I can't defend it) and Limitless (it's just Flavourless lol) just for them to perform my two fave JP songs Dreamers and Still Here a few days later?! Idk who to blame for this, but 🔪🔪🔪🔪 https://twitter.com/NotBonkyP/status/1656626038061891590?t=WFgUCMDftnUun6ctl2B-Eg&s=19 /// Omg do you know this webtoon?! I'm not up to date with it, but Gikwang? And Park Min Young 👀 https://mydramalist.com/article/highlight-s-lee-gi-kwang-to-return-as-an-actor-in-marry-my-husband

no bc you’re right 😭😭 with all of it 😭😭 im hoping they have a good cb musically, like as in, forget the fucking lore, get a good producer and not make music that follows ur lore for once 😭😭 (im sorry bc it’s making me mad bc i keep seeing the lore being inserted into everything vvv aggressively, i just want good music 😭😭)

need ateez to do songs like promise again, bring back promise !!!!!! utopia !!!!! type of songs,,, baby you are (like just lesser noise 😭) or i can’t stand the rain superm??? like make mingi’s deep voice sing!!!! tinnitus or shadow svt,,, or big bang’s fxxk it???

WAIT THAT WEBTOON????? FUCKIGNWJDKQJODA THAT LOOKS SO GOOD STOP but that webtoon yikes tho lots of cheating,,, kind of makes me mad this webtoon even exists FHWJDHWK it’s quite similar to perfect revenge marriage,,, i prefer that one than the other one bc the other one’s annoying as hell,,, BUT YOONA AND LEE JUNHO’S NEW DRAMAAAA

and miss krystal jung making her cannes debut tomorrow iM SO EXCITED SHE BETTER WEAR THE BEST DRESS W THAT RALPH LAUREN AMBASSADORSHIP !!!!!!! this would actually kill me

God that model Hwa account is doing the most in the best way possible, admin ily! Like they're so right! Okay, listen to me, Ten is a YSL boy and he came to Bangkok for a YSL pop up event and I saw him 😳 (Mark Tuan was there too) felt really ugly in his presence, lmao. At least I was taller than him 😭 but imagine Seonghwa at that event as well 🤧 I bought a new bottle of Black Opium thinking about him

THEY REALLY ARE DOING THE MOST IF KQ ISNT THEY ARE! if he gets an ambassadorship ship at ysl’s i predicted it FIRST I NEED HIS AU TO COME IN LIFE FBSNDHSN,,, YOU SAW TEN AND MARK FUCKING TUAN???? AND UR TALLER??? manhandle him

omg ok does the black opium actually have a good smell 😭😭 is it strong? rbwnfkd

This Hwa https://twitter.com/modelhwapics/status/1657398403024691201?t=DFCCMRAJX5SWXbAZzjn0Xw&s=19 and this Ten https://twitter.com/goKPOP/status/1634540503495753730?t=KZxlBqqJUqjAlPaKKLNCUg&s=19 😭😭😭😭 in conclusion Seonghwa should come to the YSL event with Ten 😭

NO LITERALLY SEONGHWA IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF YSL FBWMDHS WE NEED HIM THERE!!! SOMEWHERE!!! and if we get a rosé x hwa photoshoot,, would actually cry <3

Sorry, gotta be a hater, but this https://twitter.com/ATEEZofficial/status/1657581504896049152?t=uRu2NNSZki2gOjjeUkOf5A&s=19 is lowkey ugly not to mention unreadable, definitely giving graphic design is my passion. And we'll never get a summer cb again, huh.... :( the title track title jajssjsajaajaja giving NCT?! And the poster is giving Xikers, lol

everything here is so true 😭😭

NEED NEW MUSIC PLS the xikers song w shanty shanty is a whole bollywood song im iNTO IT

And yeah the concept pics and trailers, Hwa looks great, because he's photogenic as hell, he's a model! but I need them to retire the racing jackets and gloves, ENOUGH. And only HJ and MG are in a cowboy attire (retire cowboys too tbh, but if you're gonna do it, do it properly, commit!) https://twitter.com/no8signal/status/1654016472501587968?t=Q13ISE3940i0qZDTQKO8_Q&s=19 NOT AYO GRATATATA PLS YOU'RE NOT 127 USE YOUR WORDS I'M BEGGING 😭 it didn't register to me at the concert, because I was on my phone calling a friend, but I just remembered the snippet and hmmmm... idk. Sounds like this album will be similar to their previous one and it's not my fave, so I'm sad 😭 Me at biker Hwa: Baby boy you can't drive, but you sure look hot

the filming and all of it is great! the cinematography and storyline is very heist like,,, i like the rap sounding of dune so far!! UR RIGHT RETIRE THE JACKETS PLS HRKWJDKW GRA TA TA TA GFWKDHWK WE’RE EITHER GONNA GET SOMETHING SO GOOD OR A STRAIGHT STICKER 😭😭😭 yeah it def sounds like a continuation of the last album,,, he really be doing the most w that bike,,, smirking and all too hUH THE AUDACITY AND HES WEARING GRILLS????? WHAT THE FUCKCJCK

And if TOLO is like Ghost then (it won't be, but...😳) There's a possibility I'll dislike it, but one thing about TY is he's gonna serve. Cannot fucking stand 2 Baddies or Sticker, but he did the most in the MV! And the teaser is cool, literally told us nothing about the concept and he's right he can be anything!

IF IT IS THEN 👁👁 there is a big possibility ur right 😭😭 he will forever serve,, he’s born to serve, the teaser photos are so??? FOAMING AT MOUTH and… 😭😭😭 LMFAOOO they described it so well tho

Aespa and Idle served 00s teen dramas, not really into the songs, but I like the vibes! Speaking of, I unfortunately do not like Unforgiven which is a shame, BUT FIRE IN THE BELLY IS A WORLD CUP SONG THE OLE OLE?!

THEY REALLY DIDDDD!!!! the queen card having the chicks movie references but the lyrics have me tbwnfbdjkck unforgiven is not it for me too and 😭😭😭😭 it sounds extremely odd,,, FIRE IN BELLY IS LIKE SHAKIRA SINGING I DARE U WITH A JENNIFER LOPEZ SINGING THE 2014 WC ONE

PLS I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN'T HANDLE HIS LIQUOR HE'S SO CUTE Hwa 🤝 Taeyong https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1658796599492108289?t=df0kN-SetboKgRwATb51Nw&s=19 Leave him and his lightweight head alone https://twitter.com/nobodylikehwa/status/1658794890300465153?t=hDNoDdiDWtUjGvy-rEIR4w&s=19

DO U THINK HE GETS THAT BLUSH ON HIS CHEEKS WHEN HE GETS TOO DRUNK FBWNDHSJ 😭😭😭

Okay Taennie comeback in Paris?! Lowkey forgot about them, but I guess they're going strong? They're like modern Romeo and Juliet skjsjsjajasjjsa their fandoms couldn't hate each other more, they're both members of the most popular groups, very hot individuals and they thought "you know what? Let's date" and I respect it! But not Armchairs saying they're cosplayers I'm wheezing 😭😭😭😭 and V x Lisa together at an event again huhuhu

taennie at paris and at cannes 😭😭😭 ngl me too,, good for them but it’s kinda dry fbwndhsk but the fans are so hilarious 😭😭 cosplaying FBWKDHWK ABSOLUTELY MAD 😭😭 but so funny some of these memes are gold fbsndbn,, i saw ppl say they were calling v a musty white old man w a flat ass before the hd pictures dropped 😭😭 APOLOGIZE TO HIM FNMWBDKSHSK

a whole wattpad charade

KQ and yet another fucking NFT and useless collab I'M SO TIRED OF THIS COMPANY https://twitter.com/ACRZ_Official/status/1659469042284118019?t=7w3bahQXN0IFos911xJWvw&s=19

He wants us to off ourselves wtffff https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1659569236312981506?t=6FOWWvpUQkon6tFK5plJcQ&s=19

i keep seeing them promote it as if nothing happened like what happened to capitalism,,, to the world 😭😭😭 offing as we speak,,, I THOUGHT FANSITES WERE SIGN AND ALL??? THEY OUT HERE LETTING THEM SMELL FROM THEIR WRIST??? me when

If SM has 2 haters left it won't be you and I Baek, it will be Xiaodery, lmao. The amount of times they talked shit ajsjajbsbahahaha I imagine their manager in the front being like: 😶😶😶😶 WayV freedom when https://twitter.com/smoldejuns/status/1659872687727206401?t=BuCGuDJFKpW33HHLAy2-WA&s=19 /// My godddddd Hyunjin x Dua reunion and same Donatella ajsajhsbsjshajwn https://twitter.com/cornhingle/status/1661100011210276865?t=nOnphOuNrzUyCctak9CAbg&s=19

LMFAOOOO I SAW THIS FBWNDHS THEY REALLY HATE SM, AS THEY SHOULD and now esp bc they kicked shotaro and sungchan out for a new group 😭😭😭 sm on everyone’s last straw, even by their own employees dbsndbsj YESSS MAAAM THE HYUNJIN X DUAAA >>>>> i wish he put something from the collection like some track suit from it bc the collection is actually the movie barbie,, dua’s mind > & aespa’s cannes??? ig accounts??? in their slay era ,, lisa tae w naomi & chanel fucking w their dressing choices + the idol 😳😳😳 this look on jennie >> she’s so stunning + can’t wait for krystal!!! need a replica of this actually

Troye?!?! Stand up, damn https://twitter.com/skzwrld0325/status/1661071948573466627?t=r5ITNthZf2Hs19G9623x_w&s=19 //// Alright that's enough from me jsjajsjahahsshaha, how are things? - DV 💖

LMFAOOOO TROYE PICK YOURSELF UP!!! have been going thru it w the weather 😅😅 a massive heat wave was here last week and then two days later it’s freezing cold, raining 😭😭😭 and then it’s cold inside w freezing wind and then u go outside it’s BURNING HOT W GREY CLOUDS????

NOW WHY

👁

BEYONCÉ UNNIE 😭😭😭

and how is london? blue im assuming ☺️ or is it 4-0? ☺️ also the vini jr thing w the valencia fans + njr to man utd??? 😭😭 LMFAOOO GOOD LUCK FHWKFHWK also here’s charles leclerc falling

[spacesurfing]

Congrats on the 200!! I hope you get many more because you're an amazing writer I wish I could eat your fics like some fancy man at a bourgeois dinner

And I hope I'm doing this right, for the follower count special how about a song I listen to a lot when I write some of the 'edgier' characters Paper Love - Allie X With Crosshair or Hunter? (take your pick because I can't /sob)

MY LOVE, MISTY ❤️❤️ I missed you and thank you so much, I wish I could give you 10,000 hugs! (Edit: I finally have anon asks on, didn't realize they weren't on)

And you are doing it right --

200 Follower Special!

•--•

Just Love Me

Crosshair x Reader Smut

Summary: It's depressing, how dedicated you are to a man you believe doesn't love you. But does he believe the same thing?

Warnings: reader insecure about themselves, crying, sex for comfort, mentions of reader having longer hair (apologies), oral (f!receiving), SUGGESTIVE CONTENT, fluffy

A/n: I'm very sorry for this, I really got into my feels for this one.

GIF NOT MINE!!

•--•

You smoothed your black dress over your curves. It was a cold night, and you weren't aiming to look entirely nice in the blaring lights of 79's. You slipped on a maroon turtleneck, avoiding the clean cloth touching your face that was stained with black mascara. Crying had really took it out of you, but what did you find the outcome to be?

You let your hair down, running your hands through the locks. You tapped a tear that ran down your cheek, avoiding smearing any more of your mascara.

Maker, you looked terrible. What would Crosshair say? Well, whatever your guess would be, you would find out soon. He'd never seen you this disheveled, but you weren't gonna waste precious time cleaning up your face when mascara would be running later that night anyways.

You ran back to him everyday, looking for the same exact thing, the only thing that convinced you that you were good enough for somebody. He praised you cause he thought you were into it sexually, and yes you were, but it filled your heart when he made the comments he was convinced were harmless. Those are what kept you coming back to him. He unknowingly kept your person tied to his belt with a leash.

He would never love you, you knew it every time he left you cold in your bed, retreating to meet up with his crew before they started to question his disappearance. Why would someone so skilled, so handsome, so special love someone that was rough, ugly, so useless.

You were his, undeclared, but there was nothing you could do to forget that. To tear yourself away from someone who so absentmindedly kept your head slightly higher than it used to be. You had grown to love him. You couldn't help loving him, as much as he walked away, when he called you pretty, when he called you his in the heat of the moment, you couldn't help but belong to him.

Your apartment wasn't far, maybe 2 blocks from where 79's was as you walked quickly. Combat boots you had slipped on clapped against the concrete of Coruscant's underworld.

Crosshair wouldn't care to see your mascara smeared, would he? If you tried to take him home like you tried every night he was on shore leave, would he push you away? Maybe he'd be too drunk to notice.

Walking through the doors, you spotted him immediately, by his lonesome. And his eyes met your in a hot second, the thought of him waiting for you to walk through the door wrung your heart out like a washcloth. It fed into that hope that maybe he loved you just as much.

You walked toward him, and he just stood there and waited, eyes trained on you with a permanent scowl. His mood seemed to shift as you came into the colored lights that flashed here and there. You face came into clear view and his fingers tightened against the curves of the glass.

"You've been crying," he spoke first, voice silky and spread like butter through the air.

You clenched your jaw and looked away for a moment. You felt embarrassed under his watchful eye, this always made you feel embarrassed, feeling like you needed him to breath was humiliting.

You looked at his neck, half exposed, the lower half covered by his blacks. Eye contact was the last thing you wanted to make right now. He knew you were avoiding it. He always knew.

"Can I- Can I please just take you home?" you asked, voice sharply cracking. You hadn't spoken since you started crying, the only noises were broken sobs. If he didn't have all the clues before, he certainly did now.

Crosshair placed his half-full drink on an empty booth table, taking your face into both of his hands. You were forced to look at him in this position, and you wished he'd just let you keep your head down. He looked disappointed, you knew this was a horrible idea. Coming here and seeing him when you looked a wreck.

"What happened, tell me why you're crying."

"That's not important-"

Crosshair's index and middle fingers pressed down slightly on your jaw involuntarily, expressing his increasingly tense attitude, "It is very important."

Your eyes began to sting with tears, making you bite your lip while he glared down at you with fierce eyes. You could tell him, but what if he thought you were using him? What if he thought that you only came to him because he made you feel good? What if he didn't understand that you were so in love with him it hurt?

"I just.. I wasn't feeling good tonight. I- I missed you Crosshair, can we just go home?" you asked, trying to avoid his pursing lips and the way he looked like he was about to snap at you. Home. Would he respond to that? Would he understand where you wanted to go? Your home was his home, you'd said that one night, drunk off your mind. He never responded, not a word. Maybe in his anger he would understand, maybe he would yell at you and express that he wasn't going home. Maybe he'd call it home then.

But he never did snap, he never yelled, he just slipped his hands down to grab both of yours and pulled you with him. He lead the way to your apartment, pushing through drunken citizens of Coruscant and arguments. He moved to having you caged in his arms, his chest pressed to your back as you walked through the Underworld.

The streets were colder than they had been moments before, but you didn't even care, you and Crosshair walked with long strides as you both made your way to the same place you had every night.

You began unlocking the door, and against what usually happened, his hands stayed to himself. He only hovered behind you, the shadow of his lean figure darkening your sight. Maybe he wanted what you wanted tonight, but he didn't express it. Why did this all feel so different. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.

The moment your door opened, he neared your back and encouraged you inside. You quickly shuffled, him shutting the door behind you two before snatching at your wrist and pulling your turtleneck over your head. It was thrown to the hardwood floor with a smack before hid hands were on you.

Turning you around, his other hand came to your face in a gesture that melted your heart. It was always clinking teeth together and sloppy kissing in your hallway, never him holding your face like you'd leave. His hands usually gripped and kneaded at your waist, never touched you like you'd break in half.

His lips pressed to yours in a fervent kiss, your blood running cold. This was different, this was so much different. Had you picked up the wrong man at 79's? Nobody else looked like him, but Crosshair didn't touch you like this. He didn't kiss you like this. Crosshair kissed you like he was one push away from eating you alive. The man holding you kissed you like you were a glass statue of his deceased lover.

You pulled away, no saliva covering your lips like it usually did and your stomach boiled for a different reason.

"Crosshair, what's wrong?"

He grunted, hands releasing you as they moved to wrap around your waist and pull you flush to his chest, "Why don't you answer that first, Doll?"

His lips glided against your neck, pressing soft kisses along the hollow of it.

"I.." he stopped when you begun to speak, waiting for the explanation he deserved. Were you really ready to admit it? Yes, you were. Even if it meant losing him forever, you were ready to admit it.

"I want you to want me."

He was silent for a moment before laughing quietly. Laughing was something he didn't do a whole lot with you. But his genuine laugh broke out, and it made you wanna melt into a puddle on the floor.

His right hand rubbed up and down the dip in your back where your spine trailed, "I do want you, Doll. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want you."

"No.. no, I don't mean that, I mean.."

He breathed in the scent of your skin, pressing a fluffy kiss to your shoulder. You reached up to hold his shoulders, grasping at him equally as tight as he was holding you.

"I want you to love me."

It seemed like the hallways had started pushing at you, growing tighter and tighter till it felt like you'd suffocate in the arms of the soldier. He was still, the only thing keeping you from believing he wasn't dead was his breath beating against your bare skin.

Then his chest vibrated, his stomach started twitching and you felt his breath start fanning in patterns. He was laughing. That asshole was laughing at you once again. You felt a tear start to fall down your cheek, leaving a trail of faded gray in it's wake.

You felt humiliated, absolutely stupid. Of course he would laugh, what else did you think he would do? You were stupid for thinking he could ever love you.

The hold you had on his shoulders started loosening as your heart broke more and more. This was stupid.

Crosshair pulled away from you, still holding your waist with a loose grip. He had a light smile on his face, he thought this was genuinely funny.

"Maker above all, you are too cute," he whispered, swiping your tear away, "Let me show you something."

He didn't allow you to grant him permission as he dragged you by your arm, whisking you away towards your bedroom. Your heart still felt swollen and you would've been out of the mood if it was anyone else treating you like he was. But it was Crosshair, and you would've done anything for him.

He laid you down on the bed with a practiced softness to his touch. He was never like this. This wasn't Crosshair. Had you truly messed up who you took home? No, because nobody in the universe sounded like him, nobody would ever.

He rolled up the lower half of your dress, letting it bunch up across your stomach. You never bothered with panties when your knew he was taking you home, so he was met with your wetness immediately, legs opened for him just how he liked. Your hole glistened with slick, encouraging him to eat you up. And he wanted to.

As he sunk down onto his stomach, moving your thighs to rest against his shoulder with ease, he stared up at you.

"My pretty Doll, you don't know a lot, do you?" he asked, nipping at your thighs, licking the spots where his teeth grazed.

You pet your hands through his grey hair, soft under your fingers, so soft. He was so precious today, so sweet and gentle. What happened?

"Other women, they've been trying what you do lately. Coming up to me, making a bold statement," he bragged.

It made you jealous, hurt. Your stomach clenched, a whine escaping you as his tongue flicked at your bud teasingly. You looked down at to see his watchful eyes still on yours. He was pretty between your legs. Other nights, he was handsome or sexy. Tonight he was just so pretty.

"I've never taken any of them home," he added, licking up your wet slit, lips coming to wrap around your clit and a suck a moan out of you. He hummed in happiness to the noise, continuing to lick at you with a skillful tongue.

You tilted your head back, upset you couldn't see him. But how slow your brain processed his works forced you to take a break from looking at him. Crosshair hasn't been with anyone since you..

You whine, rolling your hips against his face, connecting eyes again, his shining with delight, "Wh- What does that mean.. why?"

He drank you like you were his favorite glass of alcohol. Like you were that cup he left behind to be picked up and dumped by a server droid. Like every glass he'd ever left behind to take you home.

"It means that I do love you," he muttered into your folds.

•--•

Masterlist

[heartspiked]

that’s not how you pray | eddie munson

summary: eddie wants you to know he’s not guilty

content warning: cursing, crying obvi, mentions of blood, angst

songs that inspired this: hey lover by the daughter of eve + do you want to die together by stars

you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in weeks and it was tearing you apart for more than one reason. you so desperately needed to talk to him and you know he needed you too. it was hard dating a high schooler who flunked more than once and attend college a couple hours away from the sleepy little town of hawkins. arriving in hawkins made your stomach churn in all the wrong ways. there wasn’t kids riding their bikes around town and even a curfew had been implemented. you didn’t even attempt to visit his trailer in fear the police would question you and slow you down in your search for your “murderer satanic” boyfriend. you really needed to talk to him. to sort things out.

you knew he was chicken hearted and wouldn’t hurt a fly. literally, he asked you to step on spiders and those furry worms that stung you if you touched them. he learned his lesson and visited the hospital convinced he was dying. from then on you became designated bug killer. gripping your steering wheel and clenching your jaw you made your way from house to house of eddie’s known friends and associates. they were all dead ends completely fucking useless. his so called band members had no idea where he was and you just wanted to hear his voice to make you feel better. you hoped he wasn’t alone somewhere by himself. when three days went by you decided to risk going to visit his trailer.

it was late and you were speeding but the police, if you could even call them that, were far too understaffed and useless. you sped into the trailer park past the police tape and swerved into an bad parking job not even bothering to turn the engine off. the lights were on! they were on! you threw the door of his trailer open to see one of the little lost lambs dirty and scared. he turned to you in pure shock and you never felt more relieved.

“it’s eddie! he… hee stayed! we need to get him!” it was then you noticed the unmissable massive fucking hole in the ceiling. you didn’t even know what to say you couldn’t stop smiling that you were so close to seeing eddie. you were massively freaked as you watched dustin dash and jump up a chair and onto the roof and you followed him. you didn’t know why his friends were so weird dressed in a homemade medieval knight outfit but you’d make sure to question him. “we don’t have time hurry up, (y/n)!”

you grunted and pulled yourself halfway up the hole before dustin lifted you up and you both were sprinting out the trailer door. unfortunately for you dustin was limping behind and you couldn’t even begin to process what you were seeing. it looked like pure hell and it scared you oh god did it scare you. you didn’t think the crazy conspiracy theorists were right when they said there was hell in hawkins. you laughed it off but holy shit you’d never seen more red in your lifetime. hawkins looked like a deserted town filled with ugly thick vines and dead trees and the hoard of crazy killer bats?

oh my god. it’s eddie. it’s eddie! “eddie! dustin i see him!” your screamed was terribly loud. he’s hurt. you hurried over to him as fast as your legs could take you. they felt crazy numb as your knees skidded on the ground and hurt terribly. “eddie baby my love! you’re okay you’re okay.” you cooed and ran your hand through his tangled hair. eddie gave a gigantic smile,”you’re here… i’m so glad i can see you.” he said weekly and with his cute little laugh he did when he was nervous. you put your hands on his wound. you knew that in all the movies it was best to keep pressure on wounds you knew that. “i wanted you to know i’m sorry for running away i didn’t kill chrissy… i didn’t.” you shook your head tears in your eyes. “eddie shut up i believe you! i never doubted you for a second babe.” you cried out as he placed his hand in yours.

he weakly slipped one of his rings on your finger and you shook your head,”keep it you’ll thinking you lost it babe..” you dug your face into his neck and sobbed as you tried to pull him or pick him up with dustin’s help. eddie started slipping off as he spoke to dustin and you couldn’t let him, no you couldn’t. you two had a life ahead of you. he’d finally graduate. he would you knew it. you slapped his face gently, “baby! seriously baby! you can’t slip off right now you’re gonna be fine!” eddie looked at the curly haired boy sitting on his other side and they both had sympathetic looks. you hated it. he said i love you to his underling and supposed acolyte.

his eyes began to be swallowed by darkness and you couldn’t take it any longer. “please baby! eddie.. edward baby i’m pregnant.. i’m pregnant! it’s our baby..” eddie’s tears began to flow as he grabbed your stomach weakly. “you need to be here for the baby!” you sobbed hitting his chest. he smiled this big fucking shit eating grin that you loved so much. being raised in a religious house you felt like this was punishment how dare the lord how dare god take the love of your life. how dare he. you did all your hail marys and all your confessions on sundays every week since you were young. “stay alive… if not for me for the baby!” you pleaded your sobs deafening.

your throat was raw and burning painfully,“i love you and our unborn baby. i know you’ll be the best mom i love you. find steve okay?” you shook your head as you watched the love of your life take his last few breaths. you kissed his face erratically. “i don’t want steve i want you baby..” you sobbed uncontrollably as dustin tried to pull you away from the munson boy. you wanted to die there and then you wanted to go with him so bad, so fucking bad. you cried into your cold lovers chest for what seemed like hours. you left the body of the man you loved behind. your unconditional love in a place you didn’t understand could exist. you knew he’d never want to be alone ever.

you knew him better than anybody and you had planned a joking little argument for when you’d find him but you’d never play fight with him again and it killed you to see him bloody and surrounded by fucking hideous demon bats. you knew no one would ever know his innocence or his personality and how he was heaven on earth. how your baby would never know how good their daddy was at guitar or hear his band preform live or teach them how to play dungeons and dragons. you knew he wanted a baby girl. you talked about it when you’d get high in his van when you’d meet each other half way from your college on nights he didn’t have his club. you knew he’d want to take care of his baby.

you felt like the earth swallowed him silently the day he died.

[writingjjfics]

You're it for me

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Warnings: mentions of abuse, some angst but mostly an overdose of fluff

Request: Okaay hiiii, so I have an idea for the song based fics, crash by clara mae screams JJ for me like it's just so fitting! Like I think the song it's pretty fluffy on its own and maybe some angst but I would love it to be just fluff JJ x reader moments in their relationship uh uh maybe reader's a kook

Summary: Basically some fluff moments in the relationship between JJ and y/n (not in chronological order)

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: this is my first fic based of a song, so I'm sorry if it's not good but I loved to make it, even tho my motivation was goneee and the ending feels rushed

A/N2: excuse me for the ugly lyrics. The sizes kept changing and I couldn't fix it since Tumblr is being annoying.

I knew everything about you, things you're keeping to yourself Every inch of your body has something to tell I know you don't trust your dad 'cause he never tried to understand Apologizing for his problems, then did it again

It was late at night and you were in bed with JJ. You laid with your head on his chest and your fingers were slowly trailing down his abs. Now and then you came across a bruise, stopped your fingers, placed a kiss on the spot, and then continued tracing.

JJ doesn't have the best home situation. His mother left when he was very young and his father is an alcoholic and a drug addict who physically and mentally abuses him.

When you and JJ were just friends, he once came to you in the middle of the night, after a fight with his father, covered in bruises and cuts. That's when you learned about the physical abuse, but you always had your suspicions. After that night, JJ opened up more to you and you slowly fell in love. You became his home.

"When will you stop going home J? I don't want to see you hurt anymore" you spoke softly.

"And then what? It's not like I can live anywhere else" JJ replied slightly raising his voice. His home life was still a difficult topic for him to talk about.

"That's bullshit, and you know it. You can come live with me. My parents wouldn't mind. Or you could live with John B. He is-"

"y/n, I love you and I appreciate you wanting to help but this is my problem to deal with. I know what is best for me so let me handle it myself"

"Ok, suit yourself" you rolled your eyes and moved to the other side of the bed, with your back facing JJ. You could hear him sigh. It hurt you that JJ wouldn't accept your help, but he was right. He'll have to deal with it himself. It was quiet for a couple of minutes before JJ spoke up.

"I can't just leave him y/n. As much as I want to, when I leave, he will be alone and I just can't bear with that. He is still my father."

"Well, that's kind of his fault then" you answered still slightly annoyed.

You heard silent sobs behind you. When you looked over your shoulder you saw that JJ was crying. JJ didn't cry often. You've probably only seen him cry once or twice before. He really didn't like to talk about his feelings so every time something serious came up, he always tried to laugh it off with some sort of joke.

You turned around and moved closer to JJ.

"I- I hate him y/n, I hate him so much. I wish he knew how fucked up he really is" JJ spoke between sobs.

"Baby" You brought him closer to you and he buried his face in your neck. "You have every right to leave him. Maybe if you leave him for good, he'll finally realize what he's doing" JJ started to cry louder and you pulled him even closer. "You deserve all the love in this world J"

"I just feel so weak when it comes to him, if I can't even handle him then how am I going to handle anything else in life"

You gently pulled JJ away from you and gripped his chin lightly so that he would look at you. "Remember when you told me you loved me for the first time and how scared you were of being in a relationship?" JJ nodded. "Well, it's been three years now and we're still in a loving relationship, so I think you're handling that pretty well" JJ gave you a weak smile but you knew he wasn't fully convinced yet. "And remember when you always said you would never graduate high school?" JJ smiled when he knew what you were trying to tell him. He was so proud of himself when he received his diploma last year. "So it's bullshit that you are not able to handle life. You're just not able to handle Luke but I mean who would?" you wiped his tears away and placed a soft kiss on his right cheek.

"Thank you for always being there for me y/n, I wouldn't know what to do without you"

"I'm not going to let you figure that out, I'll always be by your side" you reassured him. "Well, except when we are old I will obviously have to die before you because it's definitely not gonna happen that I will have to live without you so yeah sorry in advance" you rambled on which made the both of you laugh.

"Want to take a shower?" you asked.

"Only if you are joining me" JJ wiggled his eyebrows and you knew exactly what he meant.

"Fine"

I know you're afraid you'll become just like him But you treat me better than I ever did You make me nervous in the best kind of way It's nothing about you that I wanna change

Spaghetti, candles, and slow music on the background. You were having a date night with JJ at the Chateau. JJ kicked John B out earlier today so he could have this night with you alone. It was a perfect night so far but you noticed that JJ wasn't quite there.

"Is something wrong J?" you asked confused.

He shook his head and continued moving the spaghetti around his plate instead of eating it.

"Okay, there is definitely something wrong"

JJ usually eats his food within a minute, like some kind of eating machine, so when he doesn't want to eat, something is clearly going on.

"Do you think we have a future together?" he spoke sadly.

"Yes, why not?" you chuckled slightly confused.

"What if one day you meet someone better and you figure out that I'm nothing more than a stupid kid you can't have a future with?"

It was at that moment you remembered that JJ went home earlier today.

"Does this have anything to do with your dad? Did he say something about us?" you asked concerned

JJ only shrugged his shoulders and avoided eye contact with you.

You looked at him sadly. All you could wish for at this moment was that JJ could see himself from your point of view. You moved to his side of the table and sat beside him taking his hands in yours.

"Can you please look at me?" you asked in the softest way possible.

When he finally looked at you, with his beautiful ocean blue eyes, you'd swear you could cry at how sad he looked. Like he could break at any moment.

"Listen to me J, and don't interrupt me, okay. Can you do that for me please?" you rubbed your thumbs over his hands to comfort him.

He nodded.

"I love you so much J and it still keeps growing every day. You were the first guy who made me feel safe, feel loved, and made me feel special. I love how you take care of me, how you make me your number one priority. I miss you when you're not close to me, even if you just go to the bathroom for a few minutes. You are the first person on my mind when I wake up, and the last person when I go to sleep. Not to forget how annoyingly sexy you are, you don't even have to try. Even after 15 years of knowing you I still get nervous when I see you, when you touch me, when you look at me. Or how excited I get when you text me or ask me on a date. It's not even fair what you do to me, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I just can't see myself with anyone else. Imagine I have to share the bed with some other boy or kiss someone else" you scrunched up your face with disgust which made JJ chuckle.

"You're it for me J. You're the guy I dreamed about when I was a little girl. I would be the dumbest person in this world to leave you. I can't wait to start my future with you. Buy our own house, marry you and make cute babies, a mini JJ would be so fucking cute." you giggled. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me okay. Fuck everyone else. It's you and me, baby. Forever. I love you"

JJ had tears in his eyes. He didn't know how to respond to this. How to respond to so much love, the love he never received before he met you.

"I love you too baby" he spoke before he leaned in to kiss you. "So much"

Your place, late nights, Cigarettes and cheap red wine Heartbreaks, real life, Feels a little scary 'cause it's Good, it's actually good, Bad, It's never that bad You would still be, The best I ever had if we crash The best I ever had if we crash

It's not common for you to be at JJ's house. That's because of his father. JJ doesn't want anyone near Luke. Too afraid he will hurt the ones he loves. The last time you were at his place was probably almost a year ago. So tonight was an exception. Luke went away for a few days, the Pogues were chilling at the chateau and your parents were having dinner with friends at your house so JJ invited you to his place for a movie date. He had cleaned the whole house before you came, and by cleaning he meant hiding all the junk in a place where you wouldn't see it, and bought you wine because you don't really like beer. It's the little things like this that make you love him so much.

You were currently cuddled up on the couch with JJ, empty pizza boxes next to you, and in the midst of watching bohemian rhapsody. You've seen this movie two times now but it doesn't stop you from enjoying it and singing along every time. The songs just make you very happy. You could feel JJ stare at you, and when you looked at him confused he had the biggest grin on his face.

"Something on my face?" you laughed.

"No, just enjoying my view" he said while smirking.

"Well, your view is right there, not here" you pointed to the television.

"I know, but I rather watch you" he kissed your temple and you rolled your eyes.

"You are so pretty, you know that right?" he whispered in your ear.

"I mean, you tell me every day, so I guess it has to be true" you tried to be sarcastic but his comment made you nervous. You loved how he still has that effect on you.

JJ chuckled and pulled you closer. His eyes wander down to your lips. "Prettiest girl in the world" he whispered again before leaning in and kissing you passionately. You ran your hands through his hair to deepen the kiss. With one swift movement, JJ flipped the both of you over so that he was now on top of you. His lips made their way down to your neck, giving it sweet kisses and lightly sucking it. You could feel his erection against your thigh.

"J" you moaned softly. He looked up at you again and smiled. "So fucking perfect" he mumbled while leaving kisses on your chest, slowly moving to your breast and belly.

"J, stop teasing. I need you" you moaned again.

JJ smirked and moved his hands to the button of your jeans. "You are lucky I need you too baby"

I know you don't always believe me, it shouldn't be that hard to tell The next day you will find it easy to just be myself Driving in your car, speeding in the dark, we don't have to say much Telling me how bad you want me, but scared you'll mess up

It was late at night. JJ just picked you up from your work and he drove back to the Chateau. You have always felt very comfortable around JJ because you've known him for a long time now, but ever since the two of you started dating a few months ago, you couldn't help but feel more nervous around him. You knew JJ was never a relationship type before, so somehow you're still worried that he'll suddenly want to break up with you one day.

You looked out the window enjoying the beautiful view, large trees passing by quickly, and the pretty sunset when you noticed Harry's new song on the radio. You turned up the volume and sang along loudly. JJ looked at you and admired how happy you seem. It made his heart beat faster. He knew he loved you for a while now but he was scared to tell you. He really wanted to make sure you knew but every time he tried to tell you he chickened out. He hated being so bad with his feelings. At that moment, an idea popped into his head. He took a turn toward the beach.

"Uh, the Chateau is the other way remember?" you said confused.

"I know, but I changed my mind" JJ tried not to give much away but he couldn't help the grin.

"Oh, so you're kidnapping me now Maybank?"

"Hmm, maybe. Just wait pretty" he moved his right hand from the steer to your thigh slowly moving his hand up and down.

Not long after, you arrived at the beach. JJ parked the car and you both got out. JJ held his hand out for you to take and with intertwined hands, you walked to the water. You walked along the water for a while talking about the day until you found a pretty spot surrounded by rocks and grass. You both lay down in the sand, you with your head on JJ's chest. You looked at the sky for a while in comfortable silence before speaking.

"I love how the sky looks at night, it's so pretty"

JJ spoke a soft "I know". The 'I love' made him realize why he was at the beach again. He had to tell you now. No. He wanted to tell you now.

"Uh, y/n" he started nervously. He wanted to be able to look at you as he said it so he put his hands in the sand to sit up slowly. You noticed his uncomfortable change of position and his nervous tone of voice. You thought this was it. The moment you feared for so long. The moment he would break up with you. Telling you how these last few months made him realize he wasn't capable of being in a relationship and he wanted to go back to just being friends. You were ready to cry. You looked at JJ and noticed he was trying to avoid your gaze.

"So uh, I've been meaning to tell you something and uh- I don't know, I- uh- I thought this was the right moment"

Fuck, here we go. Your heart sank. How the hell does he think this is the right moment to break up.

"I love you y/n. I love you so much." he blurted out before he could change his mind again. "I never felt so in love with someone before. I know I'm not the easiest with showing my emotions and I'm so fucking scared to mess up and for you to realize that you deserve someone better than me but you need to know that I love you. I'm ready to go all in with this relationship."

You chuckled nervously. "And here I thought you were gonna break up with me". JJ raised his eyebrows and looked at you confused. Before he could say anything, you shook your head and mumbled a soft "never mind". You moved closer to JJ. "I love you too J, and while you are afraid to express your feelings, for me this is also my first relationship where I really love someone. It's all new for me too and I'm scared as well but we can do this together. As long as we trust each other, we can make this work." JJ released a breath that he didn't know he was holding in and leaned in to kiss you. He didn't think he could love you even more at that moment, but he was wrong. He did. When you pull apart after the kiss, you just looked at each other in silence. You didn't have to say anything else. You knew each other's thoughts.

"Now, can we go back to looking at that beautiful sky" you said smiling.

[hesperantha]

in-flight entertainment

Pairing: Yoongi x reader (f implied)

Genre: fluffy fluff

Warnings: reader gets drunk in an airplane. mentions of vomit.

Wordcount: <1k

Summary: Maybe the fourth mini-bottle of tequila was a little bit too much. Good thing this stranger's got a very enticing and comfortable shoulder to sleep on for the rest of the flight.

AN: infinite thanks to @miscelunaaa . Written for the talented, kind, hilarious, and always extraordinary @augustbutwinter on our possumversary. Here’s to many more screeches from the dumpster!

The goddamn seatbelt light is on again.

Not that it matters. Even if you wanted to get up, it would involve waking up the snoring grandpa on your right, watching him clack his dentures around and shuffle to his feet, groaning as he makes his way out to the aisle for you to get by.

You’d have to be pretty desperate, anyway. Thirty-eight minutes into a five-hour flight is not the time to break the seal. Pretty desperate, indeed.

The light dings back off and you hit the button to call a flight attendant.

It had been different when you said yes to your best friend and agreed to be her maid of honor. It had been a time of joy, of excitement. You hadn’t spoken it outloud, but you’d had a secret hope that you’d be the one to catch the bouquet, that your boyfriend would propose on the spot, and that you’d get to show off a shiny new rock on your wedding-manicured hand.

Ex-boyfriend, you remind yourself bitterly. He’d broken it off well before the wedding, packing up his bags and going to stay with a friend. Sidepiece. Whatever. Whisky helps. So does rum. Tequila helps most of all, so that’s what you order when the flight attendant comes over. Tequila and orange juice. Two bottles. The first is gone by the time she makes it down the aisle for a trash sweep, so you order a third and fourth. No orange juice.

One hour and sixteen minutes down, and the wedding is still an ocean away.

The man on your left, between you and the window, pulls his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie and changes the song. You can hear it through his AirPods, over the roar of the engine. You can’t tell what song it is but it seems awfully hype for the expression on his face, slack and relaxed.

You ruefully think that you’d be relaxed too if you didn’t have this horror-show of a wedding to deal with. You’d be like Mr Hype Guy, all chill in his comfy hoodie, listening to his tunes without a care in the world. He probably doesn’t need a shot of tequila to get through the flight without crying.

He’s probably not thinking about how much it’s going to suck—having to put on a happy face and dance in your ugly lavender dress with some stranger in a tux and watch your best friend marry the man of her dreams.

You crack open mini-bottle number four and down its contents.

Mr Hot Guy glances over at you, then back out the window.

Lucky fuck. He’s probably one of those nice guys—like the future Mr BFF—one of those guys who meets his perfect woman and hangs on for dear life, knowing how fucking goddamn lucky he is. Knowing how precious a thing like true love is. How fleeting. How—

His hoodie is soft against your cheek. It smells nice. Like fabric softener and cedar.

Against—

You sit up with a start and wipe the drool off your cheek. There’s a wet patch on his shoulder and it’s from your mouth, which doesn’t make any sense because your mouth is dry as cotton now.

He shifts in his seat.

“Feeling better?” He asks.

“Oh god,” you groan. “I am so sorry. Here—” You try to blot at the wet patch on his shoulder with the tiny napkins that came with your first drink.

He takes them from you. “It’ll dry. Trust me, this thing’s seen worse. Let me tell you about the time I thought I lost it. Which, sad. And then I went back to the same pub and it was still stuffed in the booth a week later. So now I know my favorite pub doesn’t clean anything worth a damn and I can never eat there again.”

The contents of your stomach give a nasty churn.

“And this other time,” he continues, “this one time my best friend used it to clean up when he was watching his girlfriend’s dog. That dog got into a full-sized ham. Ate the whole thing. Barf everywhere. And this dumbass — what does he do? Well, he doesn’t want to use his girl’s nice towels to clean it up. So he grabs my sweatshirt out of his car and uses that. She never knew a thing.”

Another churn has you vaulting over the sleeping grandpa and into the aisle, dashing to the bathroom to empty the contents of your stomach into the miniature toilet just as the fasten seatbelt light comes on again and the pilot announces the beginning of your descent.

You see him again at the rehearsal. He winks at you, pats his shoulder teasingly. Stands opposite you, hands over the ring. He holds out your chair for you at the rehearsal dinner and whispers in your ear.

Staying at the same hotel, it’s easy to make excuses to follow him back to his room, to watch him strip off that cozy hoodie. To let him take you in his arms and into his bed.

The next day, decked out in your lavender abomination dress, dancing with him doesn’t seem like a chore at all. He looks damn good in a tux, after all. Even better than he did in a dubious hoodie, which should have been impossible.

At the end of the night, he kisses you before he raises his glass to toast the happy couple. “Let me tell you how I knew she was the one for him: As you probably know, they have a dog...”