#sorry. I get really upset about this topic but like im living it. my friends are living it. i know multiple people with degrees-- of GOOD

[theood]

Video I'm watching just made such a low blow comment of comparison. I hate to sound snobby but like, it's really rich coming from a YouTuber that "and Gen Z and Millennials aren't exempt from criticism because none of them want to work!" Like, I know that you know you chose the WORST possible choice. You know as well as I do it's not ugh these new kids aging into the workforce are SO entitled and #lazy

[broomsick]

Will the gods be upset with me if I do nothing for an entire year or more? Ive not tried to communicate, or left offerings or anything as im really not able to all the time.. and my mental health has not been all too kind. My nan also has dementia now so just been stressed and drained. Now and again each morning I will look toward my altar and say good morning to them. They are in my thoughts.

Why hello there, friend.

I’m so, so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. There’s always mystery surrounding the thoughts of the Gods, the way they feel about our human lives and emotions. While it’s true that we can only grasp at what they think, there is also a great aspect of spiritual practice which we can all rely on to some extent: that is our faith, our instinct— in general, what our gut tells us.

And I personally believe that the Gods care for us, no matter how often we can afford to make offerings, or how often we pray. I believe they care about us in spite of our flaws. I have actually shared more on my thoughts on the topic in this previous post, if you’re interested in hearing the reasons behind this belief. I’ve always thought faith was at the very core of polytheism, after all, none of us practice in exactly the same way, but all of us share one thing in common: belief in the Gods. And what you have been doing, just keeping them in your thoughts, even making the effort of saying hello every morning, is plenty enough already. I feel like the Gods sometimes act towards us like they act towards a friend: a friend wouldn’t blame you, knowing all that you’re going through, right?

Now, I must also specify two things about this particular topic. The first is that I’ve never given credit to the idea that the Gods will get angry at every little “mistake”. Experience taught me that when somebody is trying to convince you that this or that deity is somehow “mad” at you, they’re very probably using a guilt tactic to manipulate you to some extent. And even if they’re not, then they’re still trying to make you adhere to their beliefs, thus placing them in a position of spiritual authority.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m no better than anybody when it comes to guessing at the Gods’ feelings. However, I’ve never heard of, or experienced a deity being somehow angry at one of their worshippers. Sure, this sort of occurrence appears in myth! But I’m always the first to point out that mythology and reality are fully distinct, and it’s important to draw that line when it comes to neo-pagan practice.

I hope you find in your heart that your deities do care for you very much. Sometimes it’s this faith that gets us through such difficult times of disconnect from spirituality. Every one us experiences these moments when we’re so busy we can barely spare a thought for our practice. But it’s nothing at all to feel guilty for. The amount of time we can dedicate to all aspects of our lives is variable. The Gods know this, and I believe they also know of our struggles as humans.

I hope you know that you’re so very resilient and strong, and that I admire you greatly for dealing with all of this, all the while keeping a thought for your spirituality. I hope you’re given all the care and support you deserve, and I believe your deities are right at your side, providing you with guidance and encouragement.

[melancholysway]

Hello! Could I request headcanons with the 2007 turtles reacting to their s/o thanking them (and by extension them, Splinter, April and Casey as a whole) for actually making them feel like they belong/are loved and that it could be okay to be themselves even though it’s still hard to, as they have always had trouble having any form of friendships/relationships before where they didn’t have to mask, as well as to actually treat like they aren’t forgotten?

Sorry, dunno if this is an old request or not– Just always in need for 2007 boys comfort lol. If it’s weird then you can just delete it ^^’’’

Also, just wanted to say that I really enjoy your content (especially for 2007 and 2012) and it always hooks me when I read it! Sending good vibes your way and hope to see more of your writing soon! *\(^o^)/* (Also hope you have a good day/night).

Ofc! I’m so  so so so so so SO SO SO (so) sorry this took so long!

Whoever sent me this request pls pls PM me so I can apologize more LMAO I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD BRO

and im so glad you enjoy my content! I hope I wrote this the way you wanted!

TMNT 2007 Headcanons: Their Reaction to you thanking them

Leonardo

family means everything to him, and in a way, you’re a part of that family too

He remembered how upset you were after he came back from South America a whole year after he was supposed to, 

how he tried his best to ease back into things with you,

And how you acknowledged his efforts

You felt forgotten at one point. There was a period where Leonardo just stopped sending letters to everyone, even you. 

It felt horrible, you overthought to the point where a scenario popped up- your own boyfriend forgot about you

He sits you down one day, when everything’s finished: Winter’s portal is closed, and everything is back to normal. While he did apologize when he came back from South America the same night, it wasn’t to the multitude that he was apologizing right now

“I’m…so sorry. I know you may have thought I forgot about you, but, how can I? How can I forget a beautiful face like yours?”

He can’t. He could never forget you. He couldn’t forget the platonic friendship he shared with you for the first 2 years of knowing each other, to then be in a relationship right before his training. 

He lets you know that. That you mean everything to him. Truthfully. 

The talk he has with you makes you love him even more, and it ends with a long, drawn-out hug. 

And when you finally get to the moment everyone in the family has been waiting for, you’re ecstatic. Where you, the turtles, Splinter, April, and Casey all get to hang out in the Lair like old times. 

Where you have a whole night to just converse with everyone, no matter what the topic is about.

 How happy you are to openly talk about Raph’s fame, Mikey’s daily beatdowns, Donnie’s shitty job, how big Leo’s bug bites would get, anything! It didn’t matter. 

As April and Casey leave to the surface, everyone except Leo retreats to their respective rooms. Now, it’s just you and Leo in the middle of the living room. 

He’s already yawning and offering his strength to carry you up to his own room when you stop him. You stop him to thank him. 

“Of course, love. I know you’re tired and I usually carry you upsta-hmm?” Leo’s brown eyes look into your own, trying to figure out what you’re thanking him for. 

“Just…for being there. All of you guys.” 

It was a lot more than that, and he knew it. As he lifts up your chin with his thumb and meets your eyes, he just kisses you. 

The thank you’s come out like vomit, and soon you’re thanking him for his understanding family, his entertaining siblings, and their two human friends that also walked into your life. How they really made you feel like one of them. From the moment you met Leo’s family to now, they truly love you like you’re family. 

He loves it. He loves that he not only gave you the love that you deserve, but he also gave you people- and mutants- that deeply care about you. 

Raphael

Raph isn’t as good as the rest of his brothers when it comes to dealing with someone else’s emotions. 

He isn’t sure what to say, or if he’s saying the wrong or right thing

But lately he’s been taking you out for nightly bike rides after things were settling back to normal. Sure, he dumped the Nightwatcher gag, but his motorcycle? No. He couldn’t. That’s his baby. Err, second baby after you. 

You loved the adrenaline rush it gave you, and on this particular night, Raphael knew there would be a full moon out (yes, I HC that Raph loves a good stargaze.) and wanted to take you to get the best view. 

“Ya like it?” He asks as he helps you take off your helmet, only to see your eyes puffy, and tear-stained cheeks.

“…did I do sumthin? Did tha ride give ya whiplash?” He isn’t sure. 

He’s trying to think of anything that may have upset you but he doesn’t find one.

“No,” you wipe your eyes, “No, it’s not you, or the ride, I just…” 

“Just, thank you. For being there for me. Always.” Not even just your boyfriend, but his family. His best bud Casey always looking out for you, too. 

You thank him for the bike rides, for being truthful about being the Nightwatcher, and because you were truly able to feel at ease around him. 

Raphael is already a pretty observant turtle, but the fact that you were able to be yourself around him comfortably is what this whole thing is about. 

Raph’s golden eyes stare at your form, and when your arms (attempt to) wrap around his whole body in an embrace, he smiles down at you.

 He’s not good at words, he never was. He was good at showing. So, he showed you how much he loved you. He showed you that he always wanted you around, and he showed you comfort when you didn’t have any. He was more of a soother. 

So, he doesn’t say anything. He just embraces you. 

“Anytime, babe. Anytime.” He pats your head like he always did, only for his hands to rest at your waist soon after. Pulling you close and in for a kiss, he can’t remember when and where he got so lucky. 

Because-- if he’s being honest- he didn’t like you like that in the beginning. When you first met him as the Nightwatcher one night, it was simply a damsel in distress sort of meeting. He saved you, did his job, and was ready to leave. 

But, he couldn’t. Not with you trying to get to know him better. He still doesn’t know what possessed him that night to get involved with a stranger, and he’ll never know. He probably just couldn’t resist someone as cute as you. 

Regardless of how you two met or how long it took for you to go from friends to lovers, Raph was also grateful to have you. Though, he probably wouldn’t tell you verbally.

Donatello

Honestly, out of all the four turtles Donnie is gonna be so happy if you thank him for anything.

I’m talking smiley face the rest of the day- even if you thank him for holding a door open for you

He loves it, he loves the praise (SFW & NSFW aside, Donnie likes being appreciated in general)

Since you’re also his first relationship (don’t bring up his April era) he really, REALLY appreciates you.

It happens one day in his lab. For starters, you were Donnie’s lab assistant often. He doesn’t have much to do in the daytime after he quit his I.T job, so he spends it doing experiments

And you can’t believe that 1) you’re Donnie’s permanent assistant, and 2) that you got so lucky to be a part of his life. 

Master Splinter told you that, though he said fate played a role as well. You may never have known that he and his sons existed if it weren’t for Donnie crashing into your window after a failed jump on the rooftops. Once you came running into your room and let out a scream, it was history. 

Donnie was a cutie, and his brothers were pretty easygoing (Leonardo being suspicious of you in the beginning, Raph not fazed, and Mikey excited that he gets to talk to yet another human being. He’s going 3 for 3 now.)

“Thanks, Donnie.” As the purple-banded turtle turns around, he looks at you confusedly with those magnifying goggles that make his brown eyes 1000x bigger. 

It’s sort of comical despite the serious moment you want to have with him.

“Not that I don’t enjoy when you thank me, dove,” He says,  “but for what exactly?”

“Just, you know, being you.” Having an amazing family, and two amazing human friends. You told him all of that. 

That if it weren’t for his clumsiness almost 3 years ago, you would still be with those “friends” who you had to put on a front for. With Donnie, no, you never had to. Even with his brothers and sensei, they knew the real you, and they loved it. 

“Oh, of course!...I…thank you, dove.” Donnie takes off his goggles and plants a kiss on your forehead,  “That means a lot to me, that you feel comfortable. That’s what I care about.” 

God he’s so cute. How he just smiles widely, blushing and fumbling with the test tube in his hands

Donatello felt accomplished that he made you feel that way around him, and that his family did the same. How you built bonds with all three of his brothers, and had a sort of guiding parent relationship with his rat sensei. 

He loved it all, because he never thought he would ever be able to experience being loved or someone appreciating him as much as you do.

Michelangelo

Ooh boy

Boy oh boy oh boy

He’s a people pleaser, don’t deny it guys

He really likes to make you happy, and he was the first one you befriended when meeting the turtles

You’ve come accustomed to being around your boyfriend and his family, especially because you were always invited to the Lair whenever you wanted to come down. Their home was your home

He becomes your boyfriend during Leo’s absence, and it means everything to him. Mikey constantly looked forward to getting a massage from you after a long day of getting beat up by little kids for a check.

Mikey becoming your safe space. He’s a good listener, and a damn good advice giver. Despite his brothers thinking he’s a doofus at times, Mikey really wants what’s best for you

He and his brothers becoming your main friend group. You hang out with them more, and although you already had a friend group up at the surface in your normal life, they didn’t compare to the joy that the turtles brought you

You never actually thanked him verbally, yet you showed and told him all the time how much you appreciated him and his family’s presence in your life. Not only that, but you were even able to meet two humans as well- and April and Casey were truly amazing. 

This thank you just comes out one day while you’re down in the Lair. 

You’re on the couch watching your boyfriend Mikey dictate someone else’s life in Sims while you both converse back and forth. Despite Mikey loving fast-paced action games, Sims was just something he loved to play with you. 

You take your head off his lap and lean in to give him a peck on the cheek, and he (almost) faints. He loved getting kisses from you, always. 

“In public?” Mikey whispers, peering over his shoulder to see the eldest brother walking by. After scoffing and lightly hitting him on the arm, you smile.

“No, silly, just a ‘thank you’ kiss.” You say, yet the orange clad turtle is a little clueless. What did he do?

“Not that I’m complaining,” He trails, “but what did I do for that one?” 

“You gave me a second family.” Not only that, but he gave you him. Befriending and dating Mikey entailed that you’d have access to his family and two human friends all the time, and there was always opportunity to talk to them. 

Thanking him for just being Mikey, and making you comfortable to be yourself around him, as he was with you. Mikey didn’t hide anything, and that’s what you loved about him.

He’s unapologetically himself. 

“Ohhh, anything for you, sweetcheeks!” Mikey exclaims, leaning in and soon getting a kiss from you. The air around you both is almost calming, as you never have to be on edge when around your boyfriend.

“And, for being my comfort person. Well, mutant.” You found comfort in your significant other, and that was the beauty of dating Mikey. You were able to be as chaotic, crazy, loud, and everything in between with him as much as you wanted. Mikey could always match your energy. 

“You’re mine, too.” You’re his comfort person, and it sets your heart ablaze when he says that. It’s a mutual thing, between you both. 

You’re each other’s comfort. 

//

Taglist:

@bee-1n-space @ducky-died-inside @xnorthstar3x

Masterlist Discord

[a-random-weeb]

Hello! I saw your post about the match ups and ran here. ^^

Name: Yuyan

Physical description: I'm a 5"7 girl with dead straight black hair, dark brown eyes, and tan skin. If it helps with physical description, I'm Chinese.

Personality: I'm shy at first but if you get me on a topic I really like, I'll rant a lot but I still need the other person to keep the conversation going. With friends and family I can be quite loud and bubbly or quiet and calm depending on my mood. I have a low social battery and are quite introverted. I can be a bit apathetic. I don't understand why people are upset sometimes.

Likes/hobbies: Math, language learning, crocheting, reading, writing, sewing, drawing, and ice skating

I'd like general headcanons with chuuya <3 I love him so much. Hehe Have a wonderful day!

absolutely! I suck at getting things out, I'm so sorry this took so long 😭

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

•Imagine you two go skating together though

•He definitely has no idea how to skate, it's very funny watching him slide all over the place

•He also yells at children who are better than him

•He lives for the things you crochet him

•He buys you a lot of materials because they're so expensive

•He loves your rants

•He thinks it's so cute how you'll rant about your day, or how cute a dog you passed by was, or about things you like

•he's so jealous of your height

•He demands you give him some of your height, rambling about how it isn't fair you're 5'7"

•Im the same height as Chuuya, (160 cm/5'3"), so I can confirm y'all are greedy for not giving us some of your height

•IM STILL GROWING OK?! IM 19, JUST BECAUSE IVE ALMOST FINISHED GROWING DOESN'T MEAN THIS IS MY FINAL HEIGHT

•He asks you to draw him

•He gets your art framed in very nice and fancy picture frames, and buys you fancy art supplies

•He loves braiding your hair, especially since it's straighter than I am, he loves how it gets wavy when he takes the braid out

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[daisydood]

I'll ask!! [[Also Thrùd is super cool idk why people dont talk about her more!!]]

HCs for being best friends with Thrùd?? All she's really had to hang out with is her nasty brothers oh GODS.

Ramblings about God of War: Thrùd addition!

A/N: HEY ANON!! you're the first person in my asks ever, so ty!!! Sorry this isn't really what you wanted, but I'll to add some hcs if I come up with anything ❤️❤️

I'm pretty bad at writing HCs/fics and stuff, but I'll definitely do a character analysis and rant abt her!!

(Coming from Someone with a bias cuz my favorite character is Thrúd💀)

In my humble opinon, Thrud got done SO dirty in Ragnorak. She lost both of her siblings, then her father, then lost someone who she thought was good; Odin, THEN she lost the entire realm she's lived in her entire life (Asgard). Which like, fair enough, all of those deaths made sense because it was Ragnorak, and, it would mean that we get some character develpment from her, with all the grief...right? RIGHT-

Nope. Not even a little. After her two brothers died (AS ANON SAID, THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE COULD TALK TO HER AGE IM SCREAMING) all we got was an introduction scene to her character briefly mentioning Modi, then she said we are better off without him. Which, fair enough, if that's what she thinks.

BUT. All we got for Thrúd after her dad dies was a secret scene of her inheriting Thors sword. Which, IS SO COOL, but it wasn't even an obvious part of the game😭 She lost her dad, her dads dad, her entire home, and we got almost nothing from her about it. Same goes with Sif. She was literally just there. Her and Thor had this entire romantic dialogue about like "this isn't you 🥺" then he dies and and Sif- I think Sif had like 2 lines after that? Nothing even mentioning it, too.

Freya's loss of Freyr was treated much better then this. It wasn't really talked about, except for the final dialogue post Ragnorak, when you go up the mountain looking for Kratos. She said stuff like ohhh I'm gonna move on it's fine blah blah blah. That is so much better than anything that happened with Thrúd and Sifs loss.

How did I start ranting about Sif. What.

ANYWAYS (completely different topic on how she wants to be validated 💕)

I think that Thrúd just wants to be validated. She tries so hard to be a Valkyrie, and it's like people don't care. Her dad doesn't care, and her mom thinks it's too dangerous. Odin just sucks, and he probably doesn't care, same with Heimdall.

I think her and Atreus freeing Garm really broke her down. As soon as she realized what she and him had done, she panics. She gets really upset/angry and immediately tries to get out of Jotunheim. THEN HEIMDALL HARRASSED HER. She was completely in her head before Heimdall came and bullied the two, so the things he said obviously made her mad, man. She tried punching him. Knowing Heimdall, it failed pretty bad. She had to feel so belittled and stupid, everything she's work for being thrown away because of the one bad decision that was made.

anywayssssszs

Thrúd is so cool. She is sooo underrated man. She has so much potential for when/if another Ragnorak game comes out. Shes THE ONLY THORDSITTER CHILD LEFTT

note: hahfhfbdhdh once again anon I'm literally so sorry this isn't what you wanted😭 and oh my god my last post got twenty notes what☝🏻😧 okay okay okay what else do I need to say

OH YEAH sorry this take so long for me to post writing these takes foreverrrrrrrvrrvrv

OH YEAH hit up my asks if u want sum written & I'll probably talk about Freya next😱

[7ndipity]

Hiiii! Happy new year love! 💞 I hope your shipping game isn't over. So let me introduce myself. 🫶🏻

Sun - taurus

Moon - Pisces

Rising - Sagittarius

I tend to be very introverted, however if I meet someone who's also very introverted, I kind of take the lead and become very extroverted, especially in situations where someone has to take action about a certain thing.

I like to think I'm open-minded, trying to understand everyone's perspective no matter what. I only respect and appreciate people who respect me too!

I overthink a lot and I get pretty self-conscious about myself. Im also very stubborn. I wouldn't say I'm very ambitious considering that I get demoralized easily and I need someone to support me especially emotionally. As much as I try to keep calm, I lose my temper very easily, but I'll quickly get over it if I get a few minutes to spend alone and really process the situation. I get overwhelmed a lot and I'm in constant stress. I have severe trust and abandonment issues.

English is not my first language and I'm a polyglot. I speak my mother language (I don't want to say what language it is), English, French, German, mandarin, Italian, basic Latin (I had to learn it in school 😔) and I'm currently learning Korean. My major at uni is history and I'm living in the balkans. (Maybe the last part wasn't necessary 💀)

I love history and foreign languages and cultures, I also love writing, drawing, fashion and reading!

Since I was 14, I do many fashion sketches.

My love languages (that I like to give to my s/o) is drawing them, physical affection and words of affirmation.

I also would love to receive praise and physical affection but if my s/o isn't okay with that then it's alright. I can live without it as I've been doing until now.

I like to read non-fiction, history, thriller and fiction literature and you can ask me anything about history and I will tell everything you like I'm some voice narrator on a documentary 😭

I watch mostly just documentaries and thriller dramas.

So as I've said at first, I'm introverted, but if I'm comfortable I quickly am very loud and social, however my social battery dies fast so I will at some point become suddenly silent. I also have adhd and anxiety. I used to suffer from depression since I was a little kid. I've got plenty trauma 😊 and I'm very scared of the dark and insects, like spiders for example.

I don't like dancing and singing, mainly because I'm bad at those 💀 and I also don't like painting.

Usually I'm the therapist friend and I never share anything about my personal life to my friends, I keep my problems to myself.

I love cats and skincare and I listen to music constantly ever since I was a baby.

I'm not very fond of petnames that couples use. However if someone calls me "love" or "darling" I will simply die

I can get quite possessive and jealous, but I don't usually show that to my partner or do anything about it at all. Mostly because I know it's a toxic trait so I keep it to myself as I don't want to potentially hurt or make my s/o feel bad.

I'm very loyal and loving. When people yell, don't let me speak or interrupt me while I'm speaking I get either very pissed or i simply just cry 🫠 I can get very triggered when someone yells at me

When I'm hurt, affected or upset about something that someone did to me, I will isolate myself and not tell them what's wrong until it's too late.

I dont like people telling me what to do.

I'm sorry if this was very chaotic written and not organized at all, I just wrote whatever came to my mind about myself (watch me forget to mention some important details about myself 🤦🏻‍♀️) but yeah, basically this is me. 🫶🏻

I would ship you with Yoongi and Hobi!

You and Yoongi have super similar personalities imo, so I feel like you would understand each other really well! Like even the way you described sounding like a docu narrator reminded me of how Army joke that Yoongi’s a walking encyclopedia on so many topics!😭(also Pisces are really great matches for earth signs like Taurus)

Yoongi and Hobi both have very supportive, reassuring energies, and tend to be the therapist friends as well, so I think they would be good at helping you open up and making you feel safe. I also feel like they would lowkey be a bit protective over you.🥺

I also kinda feel that you and Hobi would be a pretty good match! You have several similarities, and he also has this ability of bringing out the best in people and making them feel really comfortable, so I feel like he would be your ultimate hype man!😊

Hope this was okay💜

[yuttikkele]

Also! C!george being able to see the multiverse through a lil window dreamXD made to show him

What does he see?

CC!george, sapnap and dream watching a football game (cc!george isnt really watching anyhow) (XD explains how everything is pacific and domestic here without wars or dumb monarchies and betrayals they all just live together and chill)

A swapped places AU where c!dream isnt a weirs puppet thing and is actually c!george who is that weird monster (that c!dream stares back and just stares confused until some weird god comes by and XD changes the universe quickly) ("who was that?" '...did i tell you im divorced?' "...loser." '...LOSER???!!')

....flowers from 1970... But its just a room with poems in the walls and the palms marked in them with that specific song playing ("...what happened here?" 'Some dimensions are good and have nice endings and some dont! Thats just how it is' "oh...not my problem anyway") (i alao dont know if you know abt the fanfic its pretty good but also quite old) (no good ending tho)

Manhunt

Mcc

Squid craft 2 (the part where george finds dream just dead as hell) (i dont even know if you even watched the event)

And well if you thought the cc!au was upsetting!

The window opens to the inside of the castle that is decorated with blue and white and c!george sitting in the throne and c!dream is just by the side of the throne with a knight kind of look just talking to him about his day

C!george gets upset and closes the window "this sucks youre an idiot and this is dumb" '...making that window is hard you know?' "I dont care leave me alone i have things to do" 'mean.' "I dont care"

....ALSO

Yess! Draculaura just starts assigning superheroes to her friends (most dont make sense thanks to her lack of knowledge in the topic) then she finds a comic where they did make batman a vampire and she just refuses to think that it isnt the principal story

Clawdeen hates Twilight

She wakes up and posts abt how much she hates it everyday for like 4 months until she finds a good book of werewolves to read

oh my gosh i forgot to answer this i’m so sorry 😭😭 i looked at it and was like “ok i’ll answer that later” and then forgot about it

WINDOW BEDTIME STORIES!!! George gets an au bedtime story POG

weirdthingC!george and actuallynormalC!dream is a cool little swap :000!! AND XD BEING DIVORCED BAHAHAHAHA

i think i remember flowers from 1970? probably? it’s a dnf fanfic right? i think my dreamteam friend told me she was reading it at one point

OK SO. I feel like the external videos, previous smps, and contests are still a part of the dsmp. At least most of them. Like, the characters are an extension of the CC and their YouTube/Twitch journey. The characters join the dsmp, and they come from different places, and those places are the series the CC is currently working on. Like they have a built in backstory.

For instance: Tommy, SMPEarth and Skyblock are canon for him. Philza, hardcore world and SMPEarth. Techno, Hypixel, MCM, SMPEarth, so on and so forth. BadBoyHalo, MunchyMC, videos with Skeppy, and MCM. And Dream, MunchyMC and Manhunts. MCC for all of these too. I gave a lot of examples just to show a lot of the different places they come from. There can ofc be more!

And I KNOW they said it wasn’t canon, but I think the Fundy marriage was canon too. Just to put into perspective how many of these things are considered canon for anyone who might be in doubt, everyone thought the Fundy proposal videos were canon until they said it wasn’t. Which obviously I didn’t listen to.

I will say, I do continue the “characters are an extension of their CC” thing with the QSMP (like the dsmp part of the character is canon in the qsmp), but with the QSMP, they knew they were making characters, so not all things really flow over the same, at least we don’t know if the dsmp is canon yet (some other old smps seem to be though), but I still headcanon that the island tried to wipe the characters memories and make them forget about important things they left behind so they wouldn’t want to leave the island. Thus, the character is still carried on, they probably just don’t know it.

Anyways, carrying on. I actually haven’t watched Squid Craft 2. I did not know that existed :0

And dw I was not saddened by the window. But like I did just sorta explain, George looking at the manhunt would be like George looking at his happy past. The knight thing’s totally an au tho.

“Why’d I get stuck with the janky old broke hobo Dream?” —c!George

Draculaura says that Ghoulia is the Flash, and Ghoulia is upset that Draculaura assigned her as the “off brand Dead Fast.”

and clawdeen WOULD hate twilight. I actually just started reading it, and it was going pretty well until the whole “dude makes girl uncomfortable but it’s ok because she actually secretly likes it!! Haha!!” thing. I feel like clawdeen would hate twilight mostly though because she sees herself in the main character, but the story reacts in such ways that are just unsatisfactory and not at all what actually happen to a girl like Bella, which Clawdeen experiences because she feels she is actually a girl like Bella and she HATES IT. She’s like, “That’s not how it works! Vampires might have all these super awesome powers, but that’s not what makes them likable!!” (as I haven’t read enough of twilight yet, I just have a hunch about this hc, so I will say my main basis for clawdeen relating to Bella is because she also has a crush on a vampire.)

And instead of a werewolf book, she actually finds the dog version of warriors.

[hoonvrs]

We fr like this babes🤞

I CANNOT live a day with the worry of an argument it stresses me out so much

Alr not to vent but ive seen most ppl have this friend that they just cant say no to. Like its IMPOSSIBLE.

I have a friend like that, shes legit my closest friend. I have this trauma from like 3 years ago, she randomly just some day went "i dont wanna be friends with you anymore, r***a gives you too much attention." The girl i just metioned, my closest friend and i are a trio (theyre literally my closest friends). Back on topic HOW TF IS IT MY FAULT SHE GIVES ME TOO MUCH ATTENTION. But i was too distracted by the fact she didnt wanna be friends anymore that I didnt even realize how logicless it was. We had been friends for about 4 years back then (7 now) and i was DEVASTATED. No thats an understatement.

I was so sad that I went to my mum and cried to her for an hour straight.

After that she lowkey became controlling. Whenever i did something she didnt like, shed block me unannounced and wouldnt even tell me what pissed her off. Her anger issues are off the boundaries till today. She gets mad at the littlest of things. When i dont do something she wants she goes on to persuade me by telling me shed tell a certain someone my secrets or block me everywhere etc.

But till this day i cant unfriend her because first of all, im too scared to. Shed get all annoyed and talk behind my back shit. Secondly, forget the first one I just CANT. Whenever i wanna think of unfriending her i just get reminded of all the fun times we had all these years and end up with tears.

Besides all that, youd be surprised to believe she has been one of my best friends ever. Nobody would believe me. But in reality i love her too much to let go if

(IM SO SORRY FOR THE RANT I WAS FEELIN A LIL EMOSH TODAY 😭😭😭)

-🌜

DW ABOUT THE RANT BAE IDM

i can’t relate in the sense that my bsfs and me are a trio too but honestly ur friend sounds so toxic

i get you guys have had good times that makes u hesitate but if she’s able to get prissy and block you over her own problems and insecurities it’s really not worth it bae. no one who loves you would put you in a position where you question theyre friendship and contemplate unfriending them

and if she chats shit let her😭 people are gonna talk behind ur back regardless and i don’t wanna be the instigator here but do u really think she’s quiet whenever she gets upset or jealous and blocks you? i just think the cons outfight the pros cause no amount of good times can cover the fact that she’s genuinely stressed you out over ur friendship js cause she doesn’t wanna grow up

PEOPLE WHO CAN TAKE NO ARE THE WORRSSTTT the amount of arguments and growth i’ve had to go through with my friends rn over the last 8 years i’ve known them is crazy🫠 but sometime people need to be confronted and if ANYBODYY can’t take criticism from their best friend trust me they’ll nvr change🫥

BUT you never know, idk how old you are but friend groups and bsfs either grown into each other or out of it, it’s just life and part of it. js trust that you will grow and learn from it just try and protect ur peace

anyways i hope i don’t come off aggressive or sumn😭 im an argumentative bitch who will start an argument with anyone so ik not everyone is like me but hopefully it all ends well for u bae🫂 u deserve better

[woofdrm]

Asega I have Thoughts and you're the only one who I feel safe to express them to.

There's a post talking about George's sexuality again and I love it I agree with 99% of the points made and I understand the thought behind it but idk I'm just conflicted I guess because a part of me screams inside "yes he doesn't owe us anything" but there's another part of me scarred with real people shipping like "I can't invade his privacy I can't assume therefore im gonna go with what he he said before".

I feel like it's again another situation that's isn't just black or white. It's complicated. in my mind, both of those extreme mindsets are bad in their own ways. I want to support George's decision if he is queercoding himself, but I don't want to be cancelled over the fact that I said George is straight when my mum asked about it. I'm all for abolishing heteronormativity and the struggles of coming out but I also slaping a different label when he's clearly said he's straight (even with all the reasons why those instances would make the answer illegitimate) feels wrong.

all of this is stupid and doesn't ultimately matter. George can do whatever he wants and i'll love him regardless. This convo being brought up again is just making me upset, sorry for the vent.

Here’s the thing that I’ve always thought with the whole “George’s sexuality” shit show that I unwittingly became a voice in. I don’t care what sort of things you’re saying about his sexuality, what sort of assumptions and stereotypes and “clues” you’re picking up on, as long as you keep that stuff off… twitter, mostly, but basically anywhere that is easily accessible. I don’t think these kids who grew up on tik tok understand that being outwardly queer is still fucking dangerous, and George is an immigrant living in fucking Florida.

Now that my blog probably isn’t being stalked by the 404ers who want to string me up by my toes I can say this: I do, in fact, think George is queer. But the fact of the matter is, he has only publicly stated that he is straight, and so until he does something of actual substance to counter that (and no, laughing at being called a twink and not vehemently denying that he’s gay in a disstrack made about him by a friend doesn’t count) no one should be running around on twitter dot com getting thousands of likes on a tweet about how he’s totally gay and people are homophobic for thinking otherwise (this was ironically the tweet that I responded to that got me in such trouble in the first place).

And as you said, it’s still a complicated topic, because the line between using homophobic stereotypes to assume someone’s sexuality and just… being For Fucking Real can be blurry. Additionally, I will argue against the idea of a real person being “queer coded”, as that feels rather dehumanizing considering queer coding is generally for characters within media, not real people. Also, we as people looking in cannot begin to guess what sort of “queer coded” actions are intentional, and which are not. And it is not our job to do so. Doing that is fucking weird.

And unfortunately, that is the thing that is so common in this fandom, especially towards George. Which yeah, I do think is based on homophobic stereotypes and fetishization, I won’t lie. And it pisses me off quite a bit, to the point where 404twt now knows me as “the girl who is super passionate about George being straight” because of how I was dragging them over the coals about it. Despite the fact that, as I said… I don’t think George is straight lmao.

Anyway, the whole thing is a bit of a mess, so I think people just… shouldn’t really talk about George’s sexuality? If it’s relevant, a simple “he’s only ever said that he’s straight” is fine. I think gay truthing him on main is weird. I think a lot of what people do looks like they’re trying to drag someone out of the closet, when doing so could put their safety in jeopardy.

Anyway, if you want to link the actual post then I can respond a bit more specifically, but that’s my overall thoughts about the whole topic. Sorry to ramble right back at you hahaha.

[wangshu]

YOU KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT MAN. you know what i want... i um um methinks . all of them if you woulf be so kind 😁

CRIES AND GOES INSANE!!! i should not have expected anything else cyno beloved. IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

Height  -  five five or five six!

Virgin?  -  no i am the bang master

Shoe size  -  i have no idea

Do you smoke?  -  no and i honestly think people who do are cringe

Do you drink?  -  have drank but im not a fan of it, so no and i don't plan to. not a grand experience.

Do you take drugs?  -  aside from prescription medication, no.

Age you get mistaken for  -  early 20's

Have tattoos?  -  no!

Want any tattoos?  -  yes i definitely plan to get some. i want a genshin themed tat as cringe as it is.

Got any piercings?  -  no!

Want any piercings?  -  yes! i almost got my ears pieced but i chickened out. one day maybe.

Best friend?  -  tumblr user onemillionvolts aka CYNO!!

Relationship status  -  taken by my lovely lovely girlfriend starlynx!

Biggest turn ons  -  oh god uh. definitely. my girlfriend. my girlfriend. and my girlfriend.

Biggest turn offs  -  ducklips iykyk but also over confidence. people who believe they are higher beings (queen, angel, god, etc) when they are just some guy make me and everyone they know uncomfortable. especially religious terms or pronouns on yourself is something i find extremely disrespectful. i could write an essay on that topic.

Favorite movie  -  zombieland

I’ll love you if  -  you're funny and look exactly like a certain general mahamatra and and and

Someone you miss  -  my girlfriend

Most traumatic experience  -  almost had cancer. almost drowned to death. lost my best friend because he chose weed over me. got my trust betrayed by someone i thought had changed and now they're impersonating someone close to me and someone important to my best friend.

A fact about your personality  -  i have multiple. but uh, im very emotional and also deadpan there is no in-between it is horrible.

What I hate most about myself - oh god, im a suck up and a people pleaser.

What I love most about myself ‐ i can write okay and im good at listening to problems and giving advice if they want or need it. i'm also pretty okay at problem solving.

What I want to be when I get older ‐ a musician honestly, but my fingers lock up and it's hard to play what im passionate about.

My relationship with my sibling(s) ‐ neutral, i don't talk to them.

My relationship with my parent(s) - i like my mom but she's a little overbearing, my dad is.. something else. /neg

My idea of a perfect date - anything at night and not too high energy, unless it's like roller skating then im so down. i love calm environments and just getting to talk and get to know each other, im a sucker for psychological conversations too.

My biggest pet peeves - liars and cheaters and people who say they'll change and never do. waste of everyone's time.

A description of the girl/boy I like - my girlfriend

A description of the person I dislike the most - tumblr user s *gets shot* no but actually, probably my ex, man looks like shane dawson now and he's got the personality to match.

A reason I’ve lied to a friend - ive lied to someone so they stopped asking me out. they still won't stop. don't know what i gotta do to make them stop but oh well.

What I hate the most about work/school - bad education system + im autistic and i can't handle those environments. school was very, very neglectful.

What your last text message says - not copypasting but i asked my girlfriend if she wanted to play mario kart when she got home. ps im great at mario kart.

What words upset me the most - i don't really like being called fam. is that something? oh well.

What words make me feel the best about myself - any positive words of affirmation.

What I find attractive in women - being my girlfriend

What I find attractive in men - being my girlfriend

Where I would like to live ‐ somewhere cold and away from people, i love the country.

One of my insecurities - i have a lazy eye but im getting surgery for it very soon, so i guess.. my chest? and my permanent baby face.

My childhood career choice - taxidermist

My favorite ice cream flavor - black raspberry!!! tastes the absolute best.

Who wish I could be - something better.

Where I want to be right now - somewhere cold and comfy, or at my girlfriends

The last thing I ate - burger king original chicken sandwich yum

Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately ‐ my girlfriend

A random fact about anything - boreal forests have six seasons instead of four.

[3dayweeknd]

u know what time it is (sorry)

no major tw except one mention of body image

hhbkfkjfgd so like. my mom drove my cousin to campus cuz she has a friend who was having a party. and shes a senior in high school and has a lot of friends and parties and u know the deal. and my mom already compares me to her like cuz she’s on a premed/PA track so we have similar goals and stuff and she gets good grades and does well in school even with her busy social life. and then my mom also knows that like she’s more fit than me and skinnier than me cuz i wear larger sizes than her and i don't exercise. and today after she dropped my cousin off she started going all why don't u be more like her and make friends and go to parties and join social groups blah blah blah and i told her how hard it is and she knows its hard for me i even told her i had discussed it with my therapist and then she started lecturing me about if i had discussed it with my therapist then why haven't i made friends why haven't i joined clubs. and being questioned really upsets me because im always gonna feel like she thinks im not trying. and she always goes like do u even want to make friends or are u just avoiding people? and i hate that i hate that she doesn't see how sensitive of a topic it is for me and i always end up being upset because i think i already pressure myself enough on these kinds of things i already feel bad enough about it i don't want reminders i don’t want lectures and my mom knows this and still she brings it up when my cousin is around so it’ll always feel like a comparison. and then i got quiet bc i didn't wanna talk about it and she said did i upset you did i make u sad? like what the fuck do you think mom do u think i got quiet because i was happy that u compared my life to someone else? and i didn't want to talk about it and then she said if u don't speak up and verbalize im going to stop paying for therapy. why do we always have to bring my therapy and mental health treatment into this? she thinks that because i didn't want to or because i struggle to verbalize my feelings and thoughts that therapy doesn't help. so yeah mom that makes sense lets take away the one thing that DOES get me to practice communicating my thoughts and feelings and lets take away the one thing that does let me have human interaction without feelings unsafe and lets take away the one person who i can tell things to that doesn't upset me that's a great idea. lets threaten to take away part of my health care because i didn't do something you wanted. like do you fucking hear yourself you sound insane rn and u are being incredibly manipulative. she just doesn’t want to let things go and let me work on it without telling her every single detail about personal things i have trouble talking about. like maybe if you listened to me and what i needed instead of being defensive and making things all about you then we might get somewhere. she knows how i feel about being compared to people especially my cousin like we talk about it again and again. she even asked me again later tonight about my cousin and acknowledged that she knows i dont like comparisons. but she never apologizes she just says i cant help it. like i dont give a fuck if you cant help it because u never show that you feel bad about it or that you see how much it upsets me. im literally telling you that comparisons are unhealthy for me and that i am extremely hard on myself because i do it too and instead of understanding or saying sorry you then ask me the details of wHo aRe yOu cOmpaRinG yOurSeLf tO and yOuRe bEinG rUde bY sAyiNg iTs nOnE oF mY bUsiNess i literally dont give a fuck. i dont fucking care if you think its rude i am taking care of myself and i am not telling you othings i am not comfortable telling you. because u are no help ever. i can never be what you want and i will not surpass my cousins and you will just have to live with that. god like i just want her to get that im killing myself putting myself down thinking about how im never going to be what she wants and im never going to be like other people kids im killing myself over it 

[toadkisses]

alistairs years in review part three

alistair is continuing his public journaling; the gist is i am writing down a summary of the life events that have gone on in the past two years or so, since i used to lifepost a lot more on here. its been nice reflecting especially since i can see a bend up ahead where my life will change again somehow.

this entry will be about the medical adventures ive been on including misdiagnosed diabetes and hrt stories.

part one about dog grooming school / part two about meeting my wife

this will contain discussion of eating disorders, suicide, and medical stuff! be warned :K oh and me coming out to my family

i dont have a clear "where we left off" point like i did last time! the beginning of this saga is in july or august of 2021. rose and i had been dating for a few months but already called each other our wife. i begin working in a corporate dog grooming salon, and i like it well enough; my manager can be taxing at times but i get along well with my coworkers.

i came out to my parents as trans right before starting the job, and it didnt go as badly as it does for some people but didnt go as well as i dreamed?

it was impulsive. i told my mom i was trans, and i thought things were maybe okay? rose was there, my mom and i cried a lot, and my mom told me i had to be in charge of my dad.

i felt sick to my stomach because coming out was the first thing i could remember doing entirely for myself and my comfort without prioritizing other people. rose and i went and got food so i could collect myself some.

after getting home, i was asked to come talk to both my parents. it felt more standoffish? like i was in trouble? i told my dad and said i would answer any questions they had. and my mom was kind of weird like "thats a big thing to just toss out here" and i was like "well i feel really really really bad making problems like this" and she said that i wasnt making problems but i also didnt get like "you have trusted us with this information we love you"

i actually had an appointment with my shrink the next day and my mom came with, where doctor confirmed gender stuff is something ive been talking about for years and its not just out of nowhere. and i cried a lot about how bad i felt for having to come out and how i was worried about disappointing my parents etc etc

and i think for a little bit it helped, like i was able to be in the same room as my parents without wanting to run but we had a meeting all three of us that i dont remember a lot of besides my dad accidentally saying im not a boy and my therapist exclusively using she and birthname for me. i didnt feel like i had anyone on my side and i remember thinking about trying to find somewhere to crash until i could get an apartment because i was so upset. which i didnt do because it wasnt economically feasible haha. but yeah it went really poorly and i refused to tell them my preferred name because i was so hurt. i actually never told them! they know it from like mail i got but we have not had the conversation.

i actually went back to my shrink a while later and she lead with the amazing blunder of "yeah, when we finished up last time i was worried 'i wonder if shes never coming back'. oh, oops, ali im so sorry" like GIRL you REALLY fumbled this one right out the gate

anyway i did tell my mom i was going to look into getting hrt but besides that we have had very few conversations about Alistair Gender. things are normal, im able to be around them which is good because i live here, they try not to call me overtly feminine things? we still do activities like we did before. it was sweet that apparently they had a conversation about shutting down any possible trans jokes their friends might make when we went to visit them (to clarify NOT jokes at my expense, they dont know and would be very abashed if they did happen to make one at my expense, they were preparing in case the topic came up in abstract and someone cracked a joke, that they would make clear they dont approve of being a jackass about it. end clarification)

a year later uhhhhh coming out is still defined by regret but different than it used to be? like instead of my previous "why did i do this i feel so bad for making a fuss about myself", now i wish i hadnt come out because i was and am happy with the family dynamics we have, and realized that like its not disingenuous for me to be different people for different people? like of course my mom interacts with and experiences and perceives me differently than my brother or my girlfriend does, but the person they all know is still me? and i feel bad because i put my mom in a difficult position because she didnt want to out me by talking to her friends about this big emotional event, so she was left to deal with it on her own. and maybe ill feel differently someday but its how i feel now which i guess is why its good to journal it. in summation i feel like suffering for everyone could have been avoided if i had realized coming out isnt mandatory.

i need to tell them all this still and who knows when that will happen haha. especially since, after taking testosterone for 9 months, i feel like WAY more comfortable in my skin and have no desire to tell any other family members or coworkers about gender stuff, because it doesnt make me uncomfortable to be seen as a woman. ive actually been wondering if 14 year old alistair was right all along and im just a transmasc lesbian? food for thought. not what this post is about.

anyway. BACKGROUND INFORMATION DONE GOD THIS IS GONNA BE SO LONG.

i went to an informed consent clinic and the doctor is super cool, like him a lot. they took bloods from me. my blood glucose was high but i had eaten like right before.

next appointment. i get the prescription for testosterone but they took another non fasting glucose and it was still higher than normal, so they draw blood to check my A1C. i also didnt really uh get taught how to do my injections? because my doctor told a nurse "he needs his flu shot and instructions on how to do his injections", and she uh. just assumed that i could not be the aforementioned "he". so i was checking out and said like "nobody told me how to do injections", the receptionist calls my doctor over like "nobody told her how to do her injections", he tracks down a different nurse who spends 60 seconds with me and tells me to watch a youtube video. it is worth noting that this IS specifically a pride clinic that advertises itself as such? spoiler alert i did wind up filing a formal complaint like "i understand why im getting misgendered, but im worried about how it might impact the wrong patient and it DID impact my quality of care" after i had a prescription issue and they were like "she needs her testosterone filled"

i got my A1C results back and it was a 7, which put me past prediabetes and in the diabetic range. i was leaving on a trip to visit friends in texas in like two days, and the only medical person who could see me to tell me what everything meant was a nurse practitioner.

it was a really dreadful experience ;_; she told me to cut out soda and desserts, watch what i eat, and theyd retest my A1C in three months to see if i was still elevated. and i told her i dont do soda or desserts, and that i was worried about really closely monitoring my food, (specifically checking nutritional labels and calorie counting), because of my history with restrictive eating and purging. and i asked if she had any advice on how to avoid a relapse like that and she honest to god told me "dont look at that part of the label"

i also asked if i should get my thyroid checked because i was already following all the diet rules they recommended, was active at my job, and had no family history of diabetes. BUT I DO HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF THYROID DISORDERS. and she was like "yeah sometimes it just happens. probably dont need to check those"

to add insult to injury the trip to texas was stupendously awful and i am not friends with them anymore!

i had my first testosterone shot on september 20th 2021. it was really cool.

when i got home from our trip, i stopped eating bread, pasta, rice, milk, and anything sweet, since i was told "carbs bad" but not given any guidance beyond that? so i stuck to a diet of like. salad with olive. chicken and beef. cheese sometimes. beans. maybe an apple BUT NOT TOO MUCH FRUIT THATS SUGAR.

i saw an endocrinologist in january, and my A1C had dropped into prediabetic range. she referred me to a dietician since i told her unfortunately she also said i should write down "i hate ice cream" whenever i craved it, which. wasnt great for my eating disorder brain. she also took me off my antidepressants because some of them can cause insulin resistance. this was really unfortunate because come to find out, mine is not one of those.

after three weeks of awful antidepressant withdrawal symptoms, i saw the dietician. and like i feel bad being like "these people didnt help me" because they were all really pleasant but God it was not helpful to be given a mass produced booklet about how to lose weight and fix your bloods, when i was already following a more restrictive diet than they recommended and at a bmi they liked. and i told her going in like "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER, IM WORRIED THIS WILL MAKE ME RELAPSE" and she still gave me the calorie counts. ;_;

the next day at work i think i honestly had a mental breakdown? i still groomed all my dogs but i was openly crying while i was doing it, my coworkers were really worried. i was the most suicidal ive been in years. i didnt see why i should continue to live if i had to work at a very stressful job, get yelled at by customers every day (you know how retail is), not get paid enough to live independently, and track what i ate every day while fighting a relapse. i wasnt even ABLE to take a lunch most days because my manager had the habit of overbooking us.

i narrowly avoided being taken to the ER. my Big Manager was actually really cool about me taking a few days off until i could see my shrink for Emergency Appointment Alistair Is In Crisis. i was at home for a couple days.

then a very close friend attempted suicide and eventually passed. i dont feel comfortable giving more detail than that because he was a fairly private person.

i resigned from my job. i lost 20 pounds because i stopped eating. i stopped seeing my shrink. longtime alistair fans may remember that puberty really fucked up my mental health, so out of desperation, i stopped taking my testosterone in hopes that i might get ANY amount of relief. and it did take me from "lying in bed trying to figure out how to kill myself without destroying my girlfriend and family" to "hoping i get killed in a freak accident". i was also able to start eating a bit more regularly, and i wasnt restricting any specific foods.

three months post-breakdown i was finally able to see a nurse practitioner to see what antidepressant i could take without messing up my sugars. turns out the antidepressant i could take was the one i HAD BEEN ON. so started that back up. nurse was really great, she was interested in having my thyroid checked as well as my A1C. and it turned out my A1C was back in normal range, but my thyroid stuff was abnormal and likely causing the blood sugar issues! fuck me running! and i did confirm with hrt doc that testosterone wouldnt make those abnormal, if anything it would just make t less effective.

still figuring out what to do about thyroid stuff but cool to know we could have maybe avoided a lot of this food suffering if theyd agreed to test my thyroid when i asked.

i dont seriously consider killing myself anymore! which is great! and while i still monitor what im eating and my weight, i DO eat three meals a day again and have stopped losing weight.

ive regressed in a lot of ways though. like im a good driver, i drove 3000 miles to texas and back without incident, ive navigated chicago traffic, i know what im doing. but even driving to the store is paralyzing, i have anxiety attacks trying to drive through town. talking on the phone is hard again. i have a lot of difficulty being around strangers, and being in public drains me very quickly. im always expecting someone to yell at me. the nurse who prescribed me my stuff referred me to a therapist for ptsd, but he kind of told me to go see my old shrink since ive been seeing her since i was like 14 haha.

i did go see her last month and was able to reorient some goals, what i think has been working for me vs not, etc. and i actually feel optimistic that working with her will go well? she wants me to add an anti anxiety med which i am PRAYING will help

onto more positive things. testosterone was really cool. bottom growth happened like within the first few days, which i was pumped about. my voice dropped, its not super deep but its a noticeable change. i really liked the new body hair but a lot of it went away when i had to stop :-(

like its weird the only lasting changes have been voice and bottom growth, but i feel so much more confident and happy body wise (editors note that my eating disorder stuff has always been more linked to control than physical appearance, this isnt a contradiction)

ummmmmmmmm i feel like we're caught up on my major life events. going forward...

get anxiety drug

contact job counseling

biggest stressor these days is needing a job but still being fucked up brain. im looking for help there. lets see if i find it! life goes on forever and ever and ever though. eventually something will happen. hopefully it will be good! it could be bad. but bad things keep happening and i keep living through them to new things. so i guess it has to be okay because it will be given enough time. ta-da!

[queenshelby]

The Last Semester – Part 19

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,192

Warning: Pregnancy Mentioned

Prior Parts: https://queenshelby.tumblr.com/post/659848352665600000/pairing-cillian-murphy-x-reader-words

After you received the somewhat strange message from Cillian and nothing else, you decided to drive over to his house not knowing that his boys were staying with him for the weekend.

You were sad, upset and angry about the way he behaved and, of course, you didn’t know that it wasn’t him who sent the message to you.

After you pulled into his driveway and rang the doorbell, he opened the door and stepped outside.

‘I can’t talk now Y/N, the boys are inside’ Cillian said almost surprised that you came to his place unannounced.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ you asked, upset and angry.

‘Come on, not here’ Cillian said, grabbing the key from the sideboard inside the hallway and closing the door behind him before walking around the back of the house with you into his studio.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you? Sending me this message after you haven’t bothered to make contact with me for two weeks. Are you delusional?’ you shouted with anger as he closed the door behind you.

‘I am sorry Y/N. I don’t know what had gotten into me’ Cillian said, not wanting to tell you the truth about his son getting hold of his phone.

‘I just needed to think about this, about us’ he then said, somewhat confused and unsure whether he should be saying anything at all.

‘I am not doing this anymore Cillian. I am through with this, with you. I honestly am. You are 45 years old and are acting like a child’ you huffed out.

‘Exactly, I am 45. I am fucking 20 years older than you Y/N. How do you think this is going to work out, eh? I can guarantee you that, in about five years, you will be sick of this. I can’t risk that regardless of the feelings that I have for you’ Cillian responded somewhat frustrated.

‘Do you really trust me that little, thinking that I can’t commit to our relationship?’ you then asked somewhat saddened.

‘Y/N, I just think you need to be with someone your own age. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you to start off with. It was a mistake’ Cillian then said, thinking back at your father’s words and even what his mother had told him after reading the article.

‘I was a mistake. Yeah, thanks’ you said before turning around, tears running down your face.

‘That’s not what I meant’ Cillian said, taking hold of your arms, realising what he had just said to you.

‘Don’t touch me. Fuck’ you growled, hormonal and full of anger.

‘Y/N, I love you. It just isn’t going to work’ Cillian then said and you were quick to shut him off once again, knowing that this wasn’t going anywhere until Cillian became to realise that the social perceptions about your relationship and the obstacles you were facing didn’t matter if your bond was strong.

‘I need to go’ you then quickly huffed out and Cillian gave you a quick nod, his eyes teary and his mind struggling with the thought of letting go of you once and for all, thinking that it was the right thing to do.

***

When you arrived back home, you were in tears and your father was quick to ask you what had happened.

‘Well, you got what you wanted all along. Cillian realised that getting involved with me was a mistake’ you huffed out, at which point your stepmother looked at you rather concerned.

‘Y/N, he is right though. It was never going to work out. You are at two different stages of your lives’ your father said almost relieved in a way. Yet, you could tell that his mind was elsewhere.

‘Yeah, perhaps one of your other friends is more suitable’ you said sarcastically, knowing that your father’s argument with Cillian had something to do with Cillian’s change of mind. But of course, you didn’t know all of the reasons behind it. You didn’t know about Cillian’s agent having been in his ear for months nor did you know about Cillian’s ex wife’s numerous stunts since she found out about you.

Instead of responding to your somewhat inappropriate comment, your father bit his tongue. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he spoke neither to you nor to your stepmother Lorraine for the remainder of the evening.

***

The following day, at around 8 o’clock, when you spent the first night in your new apartment in Dublin, you got a call from your stepmother asking whether you knew where your father was.

‘A few weeks ago, before everything turned to shit, Cillian mentioned that his friend Enda was visiting Dublin for a few days this month. Maybe he is having a drink with him at the pub?’ you said, unsure where else he could be.

‘Well, usually he tells me if he goes out and doesn’t come home for dinner’ she said somewhat worried, but you didn’t know what to tell her.

***

Around the same time when your stepmother called you to enquire about your father’s whereabouts, Cillian heard a loud knock on the door.

‘Hey’ your father said, slightly drunk as Cillian opened the door and their friend Enda, who was staying at Cillian’s house for a few days, walked through the hallway.

‘Hold on, I will get my camera before you start beating each other up. I am going to cash in at the Courier Mail if I get a good picture’ Enda chuckled as Cillian was lost for words, surprised to see your father at the door.

‘I am not here to pick a fight. I am here because I want to have some drinks with my friends’ your father said and, just as he did, Cillian asked him to come inside and handed him a beer.

‘Are you alright? You don’t look so good man’ Cillian said as the three of them sat down in the living room.

‘I am fine. You?’ your father asked politely, but already knowing the answer to his question.

‘Fine’ Cillian said following which there was an awkward silence between the three of them.

‘How are the boys?’ your father then asked.

‘Fine. I can see them again, at least’ Cillian said.

‘Of course, your ex withheld contact again when you and Y/N were seeing each other’ your father said, knowing that it wasn’t the first time that this has happened.

‘Let’s not talk about Y/N please. I have a media engagement tomorrow and need my face intact’ Cillian chuckled.

‘Sorry about that man. I was angry’ your father said, causing Cillian to nod.

‘I deserved it’ Cillian said briefly before Enda quickly changed the topic.

‘So, how is Lorraine? How are your boys?’ Enda then asked.

‘Lorraine, my fucking wife, I think she is cheating’ your father huffed out causing Enda and Cillian to look at him with surprise.

‘What makes you think that?’ Cillian then asked.

‘I fucking found this in the trash. She is fucking pregnant’ your father then said as he pulled the pregnancy test out of his jacket and put it onto the living room table.

‘You lost me there, man. Couldn’t the baby be yours?’ Enda asked somewhat flustered.

‘I had a vasectomy four years ago man’ your father said.  

Tag List:

@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-my-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney @missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @chocolatehalo @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15  @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r  @tellingyouastory  @captivatedbycillianmurphy​  @namelesslosers​  @littlewhiterose​  @ttzamara​  @ttzamara @cilleveryone  ​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  

Cannot Tag (please check your settings):

@l0tsofpennies @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee @daydreamingnymph @fookingshelby  @thenattitude  

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

|

Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

|

Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

|

@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[sugrbugz]

their reaction to you coming out as trans!! : BOKUTO, KENMA, AKAASHI, OIKAWA, TSUKKI, & ASAHI ♥︎

CW: this covers topics such as gender dysphoria, transphobia, and ignorant parents. please be safe my loves!!

transphobes get the fuck outta here right now

also i’m ftm myself so i’m writing from my own experience! if you want a non binary one or even mtf let me know! ♥︎

BOKUTO

would be so very excited to go clothing shopping with you but also giving you all of his hoodies in the mean time-

would love to show you off as his official boyfriend, would fight transphobic people for you

“hey bo, can we talk?” you asked softly, only causing him to open his arms wide from where he was sitting on your bed. you crawled into his lap like you always did, your hands shaking a bit when your wrapped your arms around his neck. “what’s up little owl!” he smiled wide, flashing you that beautiful smile of his. “it’s sorta serious love..” you mumbled making his smile fall only a bit, it falling completely when you started crying. “lovebug? what’s wrong..you can talk to me baby” he soothed making you nod. “i know we’ve talked about your preferences before and i don’t know where i fall but-“ you hiccuped, trying to figure out how to say it. “i’m transgender..i want to be a boy” you sobbed out, ultimately terrified he’d leave even though you knew he wouldn’t. “no..” he started making you cry only harder, not even three seconds later were calloused fingers there to wipe them, “you are a boy..not want, right baby?” he smiled softly, kissing your nose.

KENMA

his emotions would hurt him first only because he wouldn’t fully understand why you’re so upset

best hair stylist in the game!! he’d do your hair so you don’t have to deal with judgemental old ladies and weird barbers.

would 100000000/10 drop anything hes doing to snuggle you since he knows how much of a bitch dysphoria can be

it actually happened by accident. currently you were in the bathroom, shaky hands on a pair of scissors you’d found in the kitchen. it was one of those moments. you weren’t officially out to anybody, not even your boyfriend just simply out of fear of being disliked. however when kenma came to use the bathroom after doing a five hour livestream her heart almost shattered right then and there. you were too into your head to even notice his presence, snapping back to reality when he took the scissors from you. that’s when the tears started. he was quickly to pull you close, kissing your head. “i think i understand..but if i don’t, please explain..” he whispered softly into your ear. “i-i..” you stuttered, you didn’t even know how to say it. “i’ve been dealing with my gender for awhile and came to the conclusion that im a boy..” you sniff, snuggling into his chest since the comfort felt good. “okay baby, you’re still mine okay?” he spoke so soft it was reassuring. “but come to me instead of butchering your hair, you know damn well i could cut it better. dork.” he winked sitting you down to actually cut your hair properly.

AKAASHI

wasn’t totally surprised even though he is oblivious to most things

he would be so sweet about it??????? he wouldn’t even question you???? just accepting right away

after you were ready to come out? god he would be so overbearing with how supportive he was. “hey have you seen my BOYFRIEND?” or “are you doing okay, pretty boy?” he would do it all the time

he already knew. you’d asked him to pack your laptop in your book bag since you guys were going to study at the library. he usually didn’t snoop and honestly minded his business, but when he saw what he thought was a dildo his curiosity was peaked. you had millions of tabs open, all pertaining to the concept of gender identity. his heart softened sadly, upset by the fact you did this all alone. you came up to check what was taking him so long, face dropping when you saw what was open, “i-i promise i can explain-!” you rush forward but he quickly wraps two arms around you, kissing you softly. “shush. you don’t need to explain.” he smiled, “your preferred name and pronouns my darling?” he hummed in addition, grinning from the blush on your cheeks. “uhm..y/n..and he/him..please..” you whisper making him nod, “i’ve got the cutest boyfriend every yanno that?”

OIKAWA

would make fun of you for a bit until he realized this was actually serious

he would also apologize profusely for doing so.

would go out and buy you 67963334 slacks just to see you in them i know it

“tooru i’m serious!” you’d whimper, genuine tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. that’s when he knew he took it too far. “hey..i was just joking around…does me calling you girlie actually make you uncomfortable? why?” he was confused but then again you couldn’t blame them. you’d told iwa you were trans, hoping to get someway to tell oikawa but there wasn’t much acknowledgment of him at all. “yes..it does” you nodded wiping your eyes. “is it because you’re trans?” all the air in your lungs was knocked out of you at this. “how did you..” you’d ask softly, “i dunno! i’m just really good at this!” he giggled before kissing your head and getting off the couch you two were on. “one minute!” he ran upstairs and about five minutes later came back with all his old clothes he outgrew. “here! ‘ma saved them for donating to relatives but your more important” he hummed making you blush, “tooru you don’t-“ “and what’s your pants size?” “uh-i-“ “it’s okay doesn’t matter we’ll get all of them.” “ALL OF WHAT.” and that’s honestly how the rest of your night went.

TSUKKI

he wasn’t totally surprised but then again he knew how your parents were and would understand your hesitation for coming out

it didn’t really phase him at all. have you seen his gender nonconforming best friend? tsukki wouldn’t care unless you were authentically yourself.

would always give you reassurance, no matter how much you needed.

you’d come to your boyfriends house for the third night this week, his mom more than happy to let you stay. “he’s upstairs!” she’d smile from where she was making dinner. you already knew where to find his room, so coming inside and throwing your bags down casually wasn’t an issue at all. “y/n how many times do i have to tell your messy ass that you don’t put bags in the middle of the-“ he spun in his desk chair to look at you, his face falling the second he saw your face go red and tears streaming down your face. tsukki fucking SUCKED with emotions but he wouldn’t be pathetic and not try. “cmere moonie, what’s wrong” he frowned getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling you down with him. “i told them” you stated simply, his own anxiety kicked in. “and?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “they kicked me out.” you nodded towards the fourish bags you had dropped. “well..fuck them. here you’ll be loved and respected. they don’t deserve you. no one does. now, ill ask mom if we can move in the old dresser from akiterus room..you make yourself comfy. change, take of makeup, whatever it is. here? you’re allowed to be who you are.” and with that he was gone. tsukki may look like an asshole but he tries his best not to be for you.

ASAHI

wouldn’t initially get it, but it would take some explaining and he’d be absolutely on board

would probably smoother you in love and affection for being brave enough to tell him how you’ve been feeling

similar to akaashi he’d be quick to correct those who use incorrect pronouns (unless you tell him not too) while expressing love for his boyfriend

dating asahi had plenty of benefits, most importantly his ability to scare those off who were rude to you. you had come out to him a week ago, he needed some help understanding the process but soon he was very on board and understanding. now you two were eating lunch with noya and tanaka, watching a group of girls who ever now and then looked back at you to laugh and point. you’d just gotten your gender affirming hair cut the night before. you began to feel very self conscious about everything, just slowly tucking yourself into asahi who immediately realized something was wrong. “what’s up babe?” he asked watching you nod towards the group. with that he gently passed you over to noya who was very excited for the hugs he was allowed to give his close friend. needless to say asahi scared the living hell out of those girls. when all was said and done, he took you to the boys bathroom and locked the door. he simply hugged you, rubbing your back while you almost immediately cried. “it’s okay bunny..i’m sorry people can’t mind their own business-not that it’s my fault-i dunno why i apologized-sorry-i-“ he took a deep breath but his nervous rambling had made you giggle. “thank you, you giant teddy bear” you smiled leaning up to give him a nice soft kiss.

[compassionatereminders]

hi kat, i have a best friend with who i’ve been inseparable with for about four years straight, but unfortunately she moved away in early 2020. ive seen her a handful of times since then and we always make sure to keep in touch because we are the closest thing in each other’s lives. we’ve been through so much together and have even talked about living with each other in the future. lately, we haven’t been speaking to each other though and it’s making me really sad because i miss her. we haven’t truly spoke since christmas. whenever i text her she either doesn’t text back or will take a long time to reply and responds with something totally off-topic, not replying to the stuff i send her. or she will just read my message. i don’t blow her phone up either so it’s kinda frustrating. i have even tried calling and facetiming every once in a while, but i don’t get an answer. i let some time pass to see if she’d ever get back to me, and nothing. it’s strange because we don’t fight or argue; this is all just sort of random. i ended up texting her saying something along the lines of “i miss you, you haven’t really been texting me lately are you okay” ; she replied saying she misses me too and we should facetime. obviously i said yes, told her to call me whenever even double texted. she’s never gotten back to me since that day. it’s been about two weeks from then and i still haven’t heard anything from her. she posts on her instagram all the time, so i know she’s on her phone. it makes me upset i don’t understand why she’s not talking to me. i feel like i shouldn’t have to bring this up to her again because at the end of the day, she does what she wants, but eventually i’ll have to because i don’t know when the next time she’ll ever decide to reach out is. we haven’t gone this long without talking im not sure how to go about this or even what to say if and when i decide to bring this all up to her.

I'm sorry that your "friend" isn't putting the same amount of effort into maintaining the relationship as you are. But instead of endlessly wondering why this is happening, I encourage you to focus on building and/or maintaining other relationships. Text other people. Hang out with other people. Call other people. I'm not saying you should fully let go of this friendship and that you shouldn't try to fix things, but I think the best thing you can do right now is making sure that your whole social life doesn't hinge on a person who isn't willing to return your efforts.