#source: George Lopez

[ficsficsficsallfics]

He Cheng: *At He Tian’s school to watch his play* Hey I have a question.

Teacher: Yes?

He Cheng: That sign outside, “No smoking”, was that just for the kids or for everybody?

Teacher: That’s for everyone

He Cheng: How long is the play?

Teacher: Just under 20 minutes

He Cheng: *Gets up to leave* I’ll catch it on Broadway.

Brother Qiu: Sit down

He Cheng: Record it and tell Little Tian good job from me

Brother Qiu: You don’t pay me enough for this

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Tav: Let’s clear the air. Are there any more lies we should know about?

Astarion: Yes.

Tav: Well?

Astarion: Well, there’s a bunch of things. But I’m gonna space them out so I won’t look like such a bad person.

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Derek: I'm going to kill Eli! Stiles: I am so tired of you not including me when it comes to parenting! WE are going to kill Eli.

[the-black-bulls]

Finral: Luck, what happened?

Luck, walking into the hideout after his first mission: Hm? Oh, I got into a fight on my way.

Finral, checking him: You have blood on you! This was supposed to be a non-violent mission!

Luck: It's not mine.

Vanessa, proudly: Damn, my little brother's a scrapper!

Finral: Vanessa!

Vanessa: C'mon let me have this, he drew blood!

Finral: [glares]

Vanessa: [whistles]

Gauche, across the room: What's this noise about?

Finral: Luck got into a fight.

Gauche, checking Luck: Oh, you got blood on you.

Luck: It's the other guy's.

Gauche proudly: Finally, another scrapper in the squad.

Finral, cleaning Luck up: [glares]

Vanessa: Gauche we don't encourage violence in this house!

Vanessa and Gauche: [high five each other under the table]

Luck: [thumb up with both hands at their direction]

[angelofthenight]

Young!Robert, to Young!Stannis: At least I leave the house. All you’ve done for the last three days is read.

Young!Robert, under his breath: Stupid reader.

[silvershewolf247]

Jake: So…  what do you do to keep people from messing with you?

Andy: Get the fuck away from me! 

Jake, backs up in fear: Sorry! 

Andy: No. That’s what I do. 

[terry-perry]

Y/N: Daisy, you don’t know how good you have it here. Your uncles are in jail because they dare to express their opinions.

Steve: That’s not why they’re in jail.

Y/N: I’m making a point!

[theotherbackgrounder]

Raven: I know I've said this a million times before, but this time I mean it, Apple. I am going to KILL MY MOTHER.

Apple: I am so tired of you not including me when it comes to these things.

Apple: WE are going to kill your mother.

[saveme-storybrooke-potc]

Emma Swan: *after Killian and Alice see Philip Jr kissing some guy* He's a jock. He's probably afraid to come out, so he's using Hope as a cover. I can't begin to imagine what Philip Jr must be feeling. Alice: I don't need to imagine, I saw what he was feeling. It was 17 and muscular... Killian Jones: Mom!

[incorrect-sabriel-quotes]

Sam, handing a cup to Gabriel: Here's your coffee, just the way you like it. Black, with a splash of cream and twenty four sugars.

Gabriel: *Takes a sip*

Gabriel: *Spits it out in disgust*

Gabriel: One of these is a splenda!!

[virtuouswhitehatorganization]

Miss Heed Tries To Slut Shame But Green Rod Rebutts

[Miss Heed is hovering over Green Rod taunting her with the open secret she's sleeping with Coyote, a well-known villain and arch nemesis of her mentor.]

Miss Heed: Did you think of that last night when you were getting split opened by Coyote?

[Green Rod face turns to anger, but then slowly gets an idea and mischievously snickers]

Green Rod: Look, that is private! But at least I can keep a man in my bed willingly! Yeah! When Coyote gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he comes back without being drugged!

[Miss Heed eye then twitches as she gets all huffy and storms off.]

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Anomen: I know I've said this a million times before, but this time I mean it, Charname. I am going to KILL MY FATHER.

Charname: I am so tired of you not including me when it comes to these things.

Charname: WE are going to kill your father.

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Stiles: I'm doing the right thing! I'm being noble! Derek: I didn't marry a noble man, I married You-

[enthusiastofshit]

[angelofthenight]

Finney: Were you ever picked on in school?

Vance: Please! Nobody screwed with me. Either year.

Finney: Well, I had to leave my old school cause I was getting picked on by some guys

Vance: I could see that, you got that innocent look you just wanna… *smiles evilly* mess with

[silvershewolf247]

Caroline: Andy?

Andy: Yes?

Caroline: You say you love me, and you say you love your deer mount. If one of those things were to break the other, would you still love them? You can think about it. No rush.