#source: i experiance this frequently

[last-flight-of-fancy]

for those wondering why Xehanort wouldn’t comfort his friend, I’d like to introduce you to this super (not) fun thing called Empathic Distress

[kazoologist]

i feel like i should make like a fun fact post about my lore for my birthday bc for some reason i have like. weird encounters with individuals but they are a bit limited...well. if anyone wants funny lore about me feel free to ask.

[lovelettersfromluna]

Not Strong Enough

Summary: Rule number 1 of being best friends with a vampire. Never let them drink your blood.

an: I HEAR YOU ALL YELLING AT ME IM SORRY!! This took entirely too long to get to you guys, but it’s here now! Better late than never right?? Is this heavily inspired by twilight? Yes. Did I use a BoyGenius song as the title? It’s lesbian smut, obviously. Is Ellie going to be a brooding depressed vampire? Oh hell yeah. I hope you all like this! I’m a slut for anything supernatural so this was obvi very fun for me to write. As always, love you all so so much! Thanks for reading 🤍

Warnings: SMUT!!, MDNI!!, scissoring (if ur mad I’m doing another scissoring fic….idk what to tell you it’s hot), messy kissing, Ellie bites reader (outside of blood sucking), mentions of marking, mentions of bruises, mentions of blood, Ellie is kind of insufferable for a small bit but I promise it gets better, please lmk if I missed anything!

Read part 1 here!!

Ellie knew it was a bad idea from the very beginning.

She knew that she was too weak for you, even outside of sucking your blood. You were too fucking good for her, too much of a dream for Ellie to go and fuck up like she did.

Truth be told, Ellie expected all of it. She expected to get utterly addicted to you, she expected the blurred lines of your relationship to become even more blurred when she began sucking you dry of your life source, she even expected herself to lose control when she was in the act, humping and grinding your soft body like a wild fucking animal as if she had no control over herself.

She expected all of it, every single aspect that came with the territory, she knew was coming.

But the hardest part of it all? Was leaving you completely.

Because she knew the moment she felt herself lose control while she was on top of you that night in your apartment, she knew she needed to leave you. She needed to abandon you and your friendship for the greater good, for your sake.

Ellie knew that she wasn’t good for you, and you weren’t good for her. But that didn’t make the pain of not seeing you any less.

She thought she’d be able to do it at first, but the texts from you only reminded her of how much she loved your company, how obsessed she was with simply being around you.

She wound frown every time her phone went off, a low groan leaving her lips when she lifted it up to look at her screen, only to see it was from you.

Ellieeeeee

Where are you?

Haven’t seen u in the longest :((

Ellie can practically hear your pout in the way you text her. She knows you too well, and she knows that you aren’t handling her sudden disappearance well.

At this point, it’s been about two months since Ellie has seen you last? Maybe three? She stopped keeping count because it was driving her insane. It wasn’t even the blood supply that she missed, Ellie would go hungry ten times over, dying from starvation if it meant she could be around you without feeling she was robbing you of your life, ruining things that you were meant to experience because she was too fucking selfish.

Ellie misses you, and it pains her that she hasn’t been able to have you in so long.

Well…not entirely at least. She knew she’d lose her mind entirely if she couldn’t at least be around you for a few moments, so her usual nighttime visits become a bit more frequent when she decides she can’t be around you anymore. She’s a lot more careful when she does it though, knowing how sensitive you were to her presence. It was almost unbelievable how easily you’d woken up to her in your room in the past. She doesn’t know how she’d explain things if you woke up now, not having seen her in so long. So she’s extra aware of how much noise she makes.

Seeing you sleep is almost enough to keep Ellie’s demons at bay, the ones that screamed for you, yearned for you to be by her side, to have your warm skin pressed against her much colder one.

As per usual, she’s scaling up the brick wall of your apartment building, making her way up to your bedroom like thief in the night. You continue to leave your window open every night, and it breaks Ellie’s heart because she knows you’re doing it for her, most likely hoping she slips into your window as she usually does.

It means Ellie needs to be even more careful than she anticipated.

She doesn’t even dare to sit on your bed, standing in the corner of your room as she watches your chest rise and fall. She doesn’t even breathe, scared that the sound of it will wake you.

And she desperately wants to reach out and let her fingers run along your soft skin, desperate for the feeling that you always brought her when you’re near. It makes her fists balk at her sides as she practically itches to feel you, fighting back any and every thought that she had to touch you, if even for a moment.

But she doesn’t. Instead, he stays with you just before the sun rises. She knows it’s risky, and she knows she shouldn’t do it in the event that you wake up and see her. Even if she’s fast enough to dart out of your room before you can even call her name or turn the lights on, you’re too smart for that. You’d know what was happening before she can even begin to gaslight you into thinking it was simply a dream.

She can’t help herself, not when it comes to you. Seeing you sleep satisfies the burning feeling in her chest, the one that yearns so desperately for you, it’s enough to make her knees weak. It’s almost like you’re capable of evoking the same feelings she had when she was a human, when she was weak and stupid and felt nervous around women. Until you showed up, Ellie hadn’t experienced those feelings in a long time, she’d almost forgotten about them.

You always remind her though.

Like when she’s about to leave you, knowing she’s cutting it too close to the time you’re going to wake up and start your day. Her footsteps are practically silence, even against the old, creaky floorboards of your apartment.

She’s almost out of your window, one leg outside as she plants her foot against the fire escape when she hears it. You began mumbling in your sleep, tossing a bit, clearly bothered by whatever dream you were having. While this should’ve been the clearest sign for Ellie to leave as quickly as possible before your eyes opened a bit to see her, she doesn’t. Instead, she stays sat on your window sill, simply watching as you turn to face her, eyes still closed as you pout in your sleep.

If Ellie had a heart that was still beating, she’s sure it would’ve stopped. Because suddenly your mumbling is just clear enough for her to hear.

“Ellie….” You sigh out softly, barely loud enough for the undead girl to hear, but she does. Regardless of the city waking up below her, or the sound of your ceiling fan creaking about, she hears it. It makes her frown deeply, swallowing back the intense whimper that threatens to escape and echo throughout your room.

She isn’t sure if she’s ever left your room so quickly, the girls eyes going wide as she made the familiar path down the side of your building to your side walk.

Even when she got home that night, the vampire practically breaking the front door down of her apartment to get in, she couldn’t get the sound of your voice uttering her name so sweetly, calling out for her even in the depths of sleep that you were in, tugged so deeply by your dreams, you were still calling out for her.

Ellie knew that night, that she had to stay away from her. For both your sake, and her own.

And she’s right, because you were suffering just as much as Ellie was.

Ellie’s presence was always scarce, and while it bothered you a bit before you learned what she was, it made sense. She was a creature of the night, something that seemingly only existed in storybooks, coming to life and living the strange lifestyle that she did.

But you knew immediately that this was different.

The morning after you saw Ellie last left a bitter taste in your mouth. As you woke up that morning, your neck sore with the bruises of Ellie’s lips on your skin, body far too drained and tired even after a night of a sleep that was just a bit too deep. It was similar to almost all the times Ellie had drank from you the night prior.

So, why did you feel so bad that morning?

You knew that you didn’t owe Ellie anything, that you were the one to suggest this in the first place, so there truly wasn’t any room for you to be upset for reasons unknown. What were you even supposed to say to her? That you had a weird feeling? One that you desperately wanted her to relieve by telling you it was all okay?

As much as you wanted to, you knew things between you and Ellie weren’t like that.

You were her friend. You were just her friend, and as much as you wanted more, you knew deep down that if Ellie truly wanted you that way, she would’ve made you she’s a long time ago.

And maybe that’s what bothers you the most when this little dry spell occurs, because the sudden lack of her presence leaves you entirely too much time to dwell on things, wondering what it was that you did wrong, what you could have possibly said to create this sudden rift between the two of you.

Ellie had always been flirtatious, flashing that pretty smile in your direction that made you weak in the knees, calling you sweet names that made your heart beat faster. She was practically dangling it all right in front of your face, the frequent touches, the late night visits at the foot of your bed, all this time when you have her the benefit of the doubt, chalking it all up to her simply wanting to see you and nothing more than that, suddenly made no sense to you.

With time came confusion, and with confusion came anger, desperate to understand why she left you, what you had done to possibly make her so scarce so suddenly. And once the third month had hit without seeing Ellie, you were furious, feeling as though you had one choice and one choice only.

To find Ellie, and get the answers from her yourself.

You don’t go to Ellie’s apartment, not usually at least.

Ellie always told you she liked hanging out at your place, going on and on about how warm and cozy it was being there. She’d never admit it to you because she didn’t want you to think she was a freak, but being in a place that smelled so heavily like you made her brain go absolutely insane.

You’ve been there maybe a handful of times, sometimes heading to her place after a night out, or even stopping by whenever you were in the neighborhood. Bottom line was, your apartment was the designated hang out spot for you and Ellie.

Regardless though, you remember how to get there like it’s written on the back of your hand. You thought about Ellie’s apartment a lot, loving how much the space reflected her. You always wished you had the chance to stay there more often.

You can’t think about that though, not now. Not when you’re storming down the expensive halls of her complex down to her door, and landing a heavy fist on the door. All you can truly care about now, is seeing Ellie and demanding an explanation for her sudden disappearance.

And it’s all so unlike you, so out of your character. If it was anyone else, you’d let it go, giving yourself a few days to sulk before forgetting about it all together and simply moving on. Maybe it’s because it’s Ellie, and maybe it’s because you feel a tad bit used after being her personal buffet for the last few times you’d been around her, just for her to up and leave.

It’s most definitely that. You just don’t want to admit it in fears of sounding selfish.

You land another firm knock on her door when she doesn’t answer in time, feeling yourself grow angrier as the moments pass.

Soon, she’s finally opening the door. The image of her nearly takes your breath away.

Because Ellie always looks beautiful, perhaps it’s the fact that you haven’t seen her in some time, but she looks fucking ethereal standing before you. So tall, so confident, her eyes so fucking dark, piercing through your very soul as she stares down at you. Her lips look like rubies compared to her cold, pale skin, so plump and kissable.

All you can think about is the way they felt pressed against your throat, and it makes you lift your hand to press against the two small circular scars on your neck.

Ellie frowns deeply as she eyes you, eyebrows furrowed and expression virtually unreadable.

“What are you doing here” she mumbles out, shifting on her feet awkwardly. Her question alone sets the fire off in your chest again, making you seethe as you take a deep inhale before responding.

“Are you kidding me Ellie?” You practically spit out, staring up at the girl in disbelief.

She lets out a soft sigh, her tattooed hand coming up to rub her face roughly before it moves up to rub through her hair.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she manages before she tries shutting her door in your face. “You can’t be here” she mumbles out softly, the girl fully expecting to be able to shut the door.

You however, have other plans.

You’re quick to press your hand against the door, stopping her from closing it before you practically force yourself between it. Ellie’s eyes widen a bit at this, not used to seeing you so forward.

Soon, you’re pushing yourself into her apartment, your palm pressing against your forehead as you began pacing back and forth Ellie’s lavish apartment.

“I don’t…I don’t understand you Ellie. Is it something I said? Did I do something? If so please enlighten me I beg you” you blurt out, all of the words fumbling out of your mouth in one breath.

Ellie frowns deeply as she watches you pace back and forth her apartment, her eyebrows furrowed. She can truly see the damaged shes caused when she sees you like this, because it was much easier to watch you when you slept, so peaceful and unaware of the troubles that came with her absence. She knew you were going to blame yourself, and as much as she knew she couldn’t allow you to do that to yourself, she knew staying away was even more important.

Seeing you like this was possibly the hardest thing Ellie had to ever endure.

You don’t stop there, taking advantage of the lack of a response from Ellie to continue ranting.

“Is it because of the blood thing? If so I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry for simply caring enough to make sure you didn’t die from starvation or whatever it is that happens to you when you don’t eat. I’m sorry for making sure that you were okay, if that was so wrong please tell me…” your words trail off as you let out an exasperated sigh, your feelings and emotions becoming far too much as you practically sob out to her.

But then you’re pausing, your chest rising and falling quickly as you struggle to catch your breath. Ellie isn’t entirely sure why you’ve suddenly stopped, your back towards her as you stand there, doing god knows what.

When you finally turn around, your eyes are red and your cheeks are wet with tears.

“Were you just….using me? As your personal fucking blood bag?” Your words are shaky as you hold back another sob, your fists balled down at your sides.

Ellie freezes when you say this, because this is exactly what she was fucking afraid of.

It was a common theme throughout…her people. Vampires were notoriously alluring, seducing countless innocent and clueless victims into being their personal meal. The humans were almost always oblivious to what was being done to them, vampires often times using this to their advantage to keep them under their spell for as long as possible. It would most commonly been done in a way that made the humans believe the vampires loved them, dangling them by a thread as they promised them a life of eternity together, to live in immortality, side by side until the end of times. It almost never ended that way though, the vampires would suck and suck and suck until one day they went a bit too far, and their obedient human keeled over and died.

Ellie never wanted things to be that way with you.

She never even wanted you to think it was that way. She wanted you to understand that this was entirely up to you, and it could stop whenever you wanted it to. It’s why she constantly voiced to you that this was still a factor right before she fed off of you. Ellie would rather die than use you for a source of food, because truthfully you were far too good for that, too fucking pure to be used as something as low as a food source.

So when the words leave your lips, Ellie sees red.

Shes in front of you in less than a second, towering over you and staring down into your tear soaked eyes. Her nostrils are flared as she tries to hold back from tearing down her entire apartment complex around the both of you.

“You can’t possibly be stupid enough to think I’d ever use you for something so low..” her voice is low, and there’s a gravel in it that makes your core tighten and your chest bloom with something you can’t quite place, a feeling that can only be shelved in your mind right next to where Ellie takes place.

You don’t hack one, hot tears continuing to spill from your eyes as you stare at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“It makes sense….get your fix and then leave me like I’m nothing…this was probably your plan all along” you grit out.

Ellie licks her lips, knowing that you’re hurting just as much as she is, and your words are simply coming from a place of confusion, desperate to understand why she did what she did to you, why she left without a trace.

She leans in, her face a mere inches from yours. You can smell her minty breath wafting onto your face, and it’s bizarre because even that has a slight chill to it. It makes your cheeks cold, and it makes you want to reach out and warm her up.

“I would rather die a million deaths before using you for that…you and I both know this” she seethes out.

And it makes you whimper, because Ellie’s always been so fucking intense, so poetic. It makes your insides flip upside down, and your eyebrows knit together as you struggle to hold back a whimper.

Your features soften as you continue to cry in front of her. “Then why did you leave me…” you whisper out to the girl.

It breaks her heart how desperate you are for this. Not even for her, but simply for answers. All you want is to understand why she left, what you did to make her abruptly disappear without a single word.

Ellie’s eyes flutter shut for a moment, her pink tongue darting out to lick her plush lips before she finally speaks.

“I’ve never…been so weak for someone…in my entire life” she breaths out.

It surely isn’t what you’re expecting her to say. You think she’s going to say she’s gotten enough of you, or she just couldn’t handle having someone like you around. Hell, you were even beginning to think she was trying to cover up all her roots here and start somewhere else.

“I always have been…from the moment I fucking laid eyes on you, I knew you weren’t good for me…you’re too good for me” she continues, her eyes fluttering open as she finally stares down into yours. You can finally look into yours as you blink away the tears that are pooling in your eyes and blurring your vision, and it allows you to see the pain in her eyes, just how much she’d been struggling with all of this.

“It isn’t even your blood…it made it worse, yes…but just being around you is like…it’s like a fucking drug to me. You give me this feeling that I can’t…I can’t even begin to describe how fucking euphoric you make me feel” each of her words sounds like a plea, a plea for you to let her go, to unhand her from the death grip you have on her.

“And suddenly I’m always in your apartment, and you’re offering yourself to me and it’s like a dream come true and I feel like a fucking monster when I’m on top of you, sucking you dry of your fucking blood” it’s her turn to start pacing, running her hands through her hair as she settles one of her hands on her hip, she moves slower than you were, simply voicing the struggles she’s seemed to have with you from the moment you met.

She finally turns towards you, and she’s slowing make her way to where you’ve been standing this entire time. When she’s right back where she was, stood right in front of you, she takes your hand into hers ever so gently. It’s enough to make you flinch, how cold she is in contrast to your hot skin. She sighs, bringing your hand up to cradle her cheek, and her eyes flutter shut, nearly rolling back as she presses a soft kiss to your palm.

“I’m not strong enough for you…I don’t think I ever will be” she finally admits, and it’s like she’s not only admitting it to you, but to herself as well.

You hold back a whine as she kisses your palm, her lips so soft, so gentle with you.

“Then…then don’t be…why can’t you just let things happen” you sigh out as you stare up at her, in awe as the girl leaned into your touch as if it were her life line.

You aren’t even entirely sure what you’re asking her for, what this so called ‘thing’ is that she won’t let happen. Is it the feeding you’re alluding to? An act of true platonic kindness? Or are you asking for more, are you begging for something that Ellie has deprived you both of for the sake of the greater good?

Both you and Ellie have these same questions running through your minds.

She chuckles dryly against your skin, shaking her head as her hand gives your wrists a gentle squeeze.

“You aren’t even sure what it is you’re asking for…not from someone like me” she admits, eyes opening as she finally looks down at you again.

“I can’t…give you the things you deserve. I’m not capable of being the perfect person for you, not when I am what I am” her words are like venom on her tongue, the girl utterly disgusted with the monster that she became against her own will, the hell that she was forced to live over and over again with no foreseeable end.

“The only thing I can do, is take from you…I take and take and take….” Her words trail off, a soft frown on her lips before she finally looks at you once again.

“Until I’ve taken everything that you have…and there is no more of you to offer” she whispers out, as if the mere thought of a world without you pains her so much to say, she barely wants to say it.

You lick your lips, your eyes searching hers before you quickly shake your head.

“Do you want me? The same way that I want you?” You question carefully, fearful of what it is that she might say, worried that you’d been reading things entirely wrong, even after Ellie basically confessed how utterly obsessed she is with you.

She smirks softly, humming lowly as she gently brings your hand down to her lips, pressing another gentle kiss to it.

“It’s like I’ve waited my entire life for you, baby….saying that I want you would be an understatement” she chuckles out softly.

And you aren’t entirely sure how it even gets to this point, because you marched over to Ellie’s apartment with a purpose, that purpose being to yell at her and get the answers you deserved. But suddenly you’re standing in front of her, and your heart is exploding with so many different emotions and feelings, all of them for Ellie, and she’s just confessed to you that she wants you like you want her.

And you have no choice, but to kiss her.

It catches Ellie off guard, a soft whine leaving her lips as accepts your lips with gratitude, her arms moving down to drape along your waist as she pulls you closer.

It’s everything she’s ever dreamt it would be. Your lips soft and sweet against her own, your skin so warm and inviting, making her drink you up, fueling her with the warmth she’s lacked since the day she died. But despite how good it feels, she knows this is wrong, and it goes against everything she said she’d do for your sake.

Ellie breaks way first, watching as you struggle to catch your breath from the intense kiss. She’s quick to stop you from leaning in again, her hand cupping your face as she stares into your eyes.

“Angel…we can’t…I told you, I’m no good for you” she sighs out, the words paining her to even say.

You give her a soft pout, your arms wrapping around her shoulders loosely as you press your warm body against hers.

“I trust you Ellie….I know that you’d never hurt me” you sigh out softly as you stare into her eyes, your hand coming up to tuck a strand of her soft hair behind her ear.

“We don’t have to do the blood thing…but I just…can’t we just give us a try?” Your eyes are wide as you speak, eager to feel Ellie’s lips against yours again, even if for a moment. You don’t even take into consideration that she could say no, that she could turn you around and throw you out of her apartment without another word, doubling down on what she said she’d do with you.

But as Ellie said before, she’s just too fucking weak for you.

And hearing you ask for it, ask for her, it has her stomach in knots, and she feels like no matter what it is you ask her, she couldn’t possibly say no to you.

“What are you doing to me…” she sighs softly before she leans in to kiss you again, reciprocating the passion and heat that you gave her mere moments ago. You whine against her, your hands sliding back to tug at her hair, keeping her close as your lips moves against hers, your warm tongue sliding against hers.

“Missed you so much…” you sigh against her, and it makes Ellie groan softly as she nods, hands sliding down to grip your waist as she walks you back towards her bedroom, lips never leaving yours.

“Missed you more than anything, angel” she mumbles against your lips as she presses her palm against her bedroom door behind you, pushing it open and leading you further inside.

Ellie’s bedroom smells like her. It’s dark, and cold but oh so comforting. You practically sigh against her lips when you feel her laying your body down against her black silk sheets, the expensive material like butter on your skin. It makes your senses go in overdrive, Ellie’s hands caressing your skin, roaming around your body as her tongue rubs against yours in a dirty, passionate kiss.

“Don’t know how long I’ve waited to have you like this…” she sighs softly, her lips breaking away from yours to kiss along your jaw, down to your throat. You don’t miss the way Ellie kisses the now faded marks of her teeth on your neck, licking the skin softly before she sucks into it, sure to leave dark marks in the morning.

“Missed marking you up baby….” She hums against you, drinking in the sweet moans that leave your mouth, the sound alone like music to her ears.

Your mind is fuzzy, almost blank besides the thoughts of Ellie that stood in the forefront of your brain. It was like she was filling you up entirely, making you almost overwhelmed with her. Her scent, her cold skin, her soft hands, all of it was almost too much, a combination of sensory overload that kissed your skin so deliciously.

Soon she’s kissing down your body, practically worshiping her as her lips work on your soft skin. Her hands are pushing up your t-shirt, kissing your stomach and your ribcage until she’s tugging you up a bit to skillfully slip your shirt over your head. You’re bare before her, her lips matching onto your pebbled nipples as her tattooed hands work on your soft shorts, tugging them down your legs.

You don’t miss the way her tongue swirls around your nipple before letting go with a pop, lips moving up to nip at your collar bone with her flat teeth. Hard enough to leave a mark, but gentle enough to not break skin.

You giggle softly, bending your legs back to help as she tugs your shorts and panties off. She’s slotting herself between your legs, humming softly as she gives you a smirk.

“Something funny baby?” She questions before leaning in to press another kiss to the corner of your lips. You nod, a dreamy smile on your lips as you bring your hand down to tug at the hem of Ellie’s t-shirt.

“Seems like old habits never die, that’s all….need this off” you huff out softly, fingers fumbling between the hem of her t shirt and the waistband of her sweats.

Ellie chuckles at how eager you are before she nods, pulling back to tug her shirt off before she rolls over a bit to pull off her sweats and underwear as well before she makes her way back between your legs, towering over you as she crawls into you like a predator would its prey.

And it leaves your pussy soaking wet, because it’s better than you could’ve ever imagined. Ellie’s tits are pebbled similarly to yours, tattoos littering her pretty skin, muscles so beautiful they could make your mouth fucking water.

You’d always seen Ellie for the beauty she possessed…but this? This was so much more different.

It made your head fucking spin.

You whined softly as you practically tug her into her by her shoulders, moaning softly at the feeling of her boobs squishing against yours as your mouth attacks her in a needy kiss.

“Want you…” you sigh softly against her as your hand slides down between the both of you, cupping her pussy. You feel Ellie suck in a sharp breath at the feeling of your warm fingers against her sopping wet core, and she gives you an eager nod before rolling over, her strong hands gripping your thighs and taking you with her as she forces you to straddle her.

Being on top of Ellie is just as good as being under her, almost better in all honesty. The lighting in her bedroom is dim, but you can just make out her features with the moonlight that spills in through her big windows, and the moody lights she has set up along her walls. You don’t even realize it because you’re too busy gawking at her, but she lifts her leg up a bit and easily slots you down so that your pussy is right against hers, the feeling making you moan softly.

“You’re so pretty Ellie…” you practically sigh out. It makes Ellie moan softly, and she swears the sound of you calling her pretty is enough to bring her back to life, reversing the effects of her undead state.

“Fuck…can’t say those things to me baby…you’re gonna…Jesus..ruin me” she struggles to get out as she grips your hips, forcing you to roll your hips so that your clit and her clit bumps against each other.

Your eyes flutter shut when you feel it. It’s so fucking wet, and soft, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Sure you’d done it with other girls before, but this just feels…it almost feels like….

“Like you were fucking made for me princess” Ellie grits out, her teeth caging her words in as she fucks you down onto her pussy, practically using you for both hers and your pleasure.

You’re too far gone to pick up on it, too indulged in the feeling of Ellie’s strong hands gripping your thighs so deliciously, sure to leave marks in their shape when you both wake up in the morning.

Your back is arching almost painfully, your hand gripping her thigh as you find the rhythm Ellie has set for you, finding the perfect spot and keeping it there as you drive both you and her to your orgasms.

“I’m…Ellie you feel so good…you’re gonna make me cum” you squeak out, eyebrows furrowed as you finally look down at the girl beneath you, only to find that she’s just as much of a mess as you are. Her hair is messy and her lips look so pouty and kissable. It’s hard to make out, but her fanged teeth are pressing into her lips, and you’re sure it’s the sexiest thing you’ve seen in your entire life.

She gives you an encouraging nod, one of her hands coming to your ass and kneading it harshly before giving it a firm spank, the sinful noise echoing off the walls of her pristine bedroom.

“I know baby…I know…come on, want you to cum with me…that’s it…that’s my good girl” her praises make your chest burn, and it leaves knots in your stomach. It only drives you further, your hips moving faster as they roll against Ellie’s, desperately chasing both hers and your orgasm.

“Ellie…Ellie I’m…I’m gonna-“ you cry out, back arching as you grip her thighs quickly, feeling your own shake as your orgasm begins washing over you.

Ellie catches it right before it happens, the girl quickly sitting up and wrapping her arms around your body, pressing your chest against hers as she pulls you down to kiss her passionately, her own orgasm washing over her like a fucking train.

Your bodies are so in tune, so in sync that your moans almost mix to create a symphony that can only be described as love, total and unconditional love as her arms keep you close, as if stopping you from running away from her, from the feeling she gives you. Her lips are working against yours as you breath hard, struggling to catch your breath in the sloppy kiss.

You’re a whining mess, your poor pussy far too sensitive to deal with the amount of pleasure that Ellie brought to you, all of it washing over you like an intense sea of euphoria, nearly drowning you as you held onto the girl with weak hands.

She knows you’re weak, because she’s pulling you down to rest your warm body against her cool sheets, all while keeping her cool body pressed against yours to bring you back down to earth with her.

“That’s it baby…I know….did so good for me…” she sighs softly as she leaves gentle kisses against your cheeks and eyes, watching as the aftermath of your orgasm slowly pulls you to the depths of sleep, all of it too much on your body.

“My beautiful girl…my girl…my girl…” she hums out, almost like a song as she watches you cling to her in your sleep, soft hums and huffs leaving your lips, all of which makes Ellie smile adoringly at you as she holds you while you sleep.

And even while you’re settling into one of the deepest sleeps you’ve ever experienced, you don’t miss the soft kisses against your lips and cheeks, all paired with the constant, non stop praises from Ellie.

You especially don’t miss the way she leans in settles against the pillow next to you, mumbling the softest, sweetest words to you as her hands caressing your naked body.

“I love you, pretty girl..”

[kunaigirl]

Happy Disability Pride and awareness month! Let's talk about Epilepsy!

Hi there! I got tired of seeing my condition (that impacts my literal every day life) being left out or forgotten about during discussions about disabilities, so I made my own post about it! Let's go!

First Off! What the heck is epilepsy? Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the world, and it's a chronic medical condition. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurring, frequent, triggered, and unprovoked seizures to occur.

The official Epilepsy Foundation describes seizures as follows: "Seizures are sudden surges of abnormal and excessive electrical activity in your brain, and can affect how you appear or act. Where and how the seizure presents itself can have profound effects...Seizures involve sudden, temporary, bursts of electrical activity in the brain that change or disrupt the way messages are sent between brain cells. These electrical bursts can cause involuntary changes in body movement or function, sensation, behavior or awareness." (Source link)

Sounds like a lot of fun right? This is our life. Even with medication, we can be VERY limited to what can be safe for us. Seizure medications are NOT a cure, they only exist (at least as of now) as a tool to help have your seizures less often, or be triggered less intensely. Even on medication, seizures can still happen.

If you have epilepsy as a child like I did, it impacts your entire growing and developing experience. I spent MANY times as a child in and out of hospitals, neurologist and specialist offices, an getting so many EEG tests done. The pain of scrubbing the glue out of your hair for DAYS is horrible.

At a young age my seizures were so frequent and serious, it impacted my brain's ability to retain information. I had to re-learn the names of things at age 8 and 9. I had to re-learn HOW TO READ at age 10. I had to be home schooled because the public school system of my state at the time refused to work with me. I have VERY distinct and vivid memories of crying over my little baby ABC's book that I needed as a 4th and 5th grader. I knew I should've known this by this age. I knew that at one point I already did, and it was TAKEN FROM ME.

As an adult, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE A CAR. And I can NEVER go to see a movie in theaters or go to see concerts or live music. There are entire TV shows I don't get to see. I can't go to clubs, arcades, dances, or raves. I miss out on A LOT of fun things. I always do, and I'm WELL AWARE of the fun I'm missing out on. The social, casual, and fun life experiences I'll never get to have. That WE'LL never get to have. And oh yeah! Seizures can KILL SOME OF US. Yep.

And the list goes on, and every person with epilepsy experiences it differently. There are multiple different types of seizures you can have, they're NOT always convulsing on the floor. For example, I have complex-partial-myoclonic-seizures. Meaning my muscles DO twitch when I have seizures, but I'm not always completely unconscious and sometimes I'm even able to stay sitting up. However, I'm still very "off" and can't focus or remember much for a good while after the fact. I can't talk or communicate during one, even with my slight bit of consciousness.

My experiences are not universal, I just wanted to talk about it and bring it up. It helps to talk about it even a little bit. Here's more about different kinds of seizures. Here's more about common seizure triggers. Here's more about CORRECT seizure first aid. And here's more general information/resources.

Please stop leaving us out of disability awareness. Please stop ignoring us or saying we're "not really disabled" or anything else like that. Please. Why does it always feel like the only people who care about epilepsy, are people WITH epilepsy? We're so tired of being ignored by others who don't have our condition.

If you're an epileptic person reading this, I see you. I love you. You're so strong, we all are. I believe in you, I believe in us. We're so much stronger than we get credit for, and it's going to be ok. Your anger and frustration are valid. Your emotions and struggles are real. You're valid, and I see you. Hang in there, we got this.

[marzipanandminutiae]

climate change is real and terrifying, and materially altering winter, but also a 60-degree (F) day in December in Boston is not "apocalyptic"

guys

there was not a single December in Boston from 1893-1903 without at least one day in the upper 50s, acording to NOAA data. usually several days. multiple years had December days reaching 60 or above- not always just one, either. December 1895 had more days in the 60s than December 2022 (it also had more days in the 20s, so that's not to say the pattern isn't changing, to be clear!)

(source- there's a dropdown menu at the top for different years)

I recently read a description of the Autumn Grand Prix in Paris c. 1909 that mentioned it being so weirdly warm that the trees started blooming again, and thought I was losing my mind. that NEVER happened in the past, right? but this was an eyewitness account written by a journalist who was there. I think we're all afraid of being labeled anti-science if we acknowledge what any climate scientist would likely tell you: that it's far more complicated than just Winter Is Dead And Every Diversion We Experience From Seasonal Averages Is Completely New Territory

I am not denying climate change. I am gently taking the hand of everyone who's just as (rightly!) scared as I am, just as stressed out by warmer-than-average winter days, and reminding you that climatological history does not begin with your childhood, and that climate change does not mean "every place is going to get hotter at a steady pace forever and there will be no more intense winters." they will change and become less frequent, but they will still be there! we can still act to preserve as many snowy days as possible, now!

we need hope to get through this. and sometimes part of hope can be contextualizing things for ourselves

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Fuck your boyfriend, he’s a bitch.

Barbie dolls: Mattheo riddle x you

Word count: 3k-ish

Summary: your boyfriend Cormac is a piece of shit and Mattheo is tired of him totally most definitely not inspired by this sound

Warnings: Theo is called a spaghetti whore?, Cormac sucks, reader gets called a bitch, you’re friends with Pansy and she knows a lot of girls, Mattheo mentions sex, Cheating on Cormac’s side and then kinda cheating with reader bc theyre like flirtyish with Mattheo but its fineeeeeee, honestly Cormac’s kinda abusive, it gets kinda extra fanficy at the end but just consider it camp, reader punches Cormac :0, i think that’s it tbh

Your relationship with Cormac McLaggen had started as any relationship in Hogwarts did, a trip to Hogsmeade. You thought he was cute and he seemed sweet enough. So you continued to date him, much to your friends dismay. Draco complained about McLaggen's house. Blaise pointed out his habit of making obscene sexual comments to just about every girl who would breathe near him. Theo explained the time that he ran into McLaggen and Cormac called him a "spaghetti whore." Theo had a few choice words about Cormac, getting so heated he slipped entirely into Italian. You only picked up on a few words you remembered him teaching you in third year, none of which you would translate out loud. Pansy mentioned how he "sucked ass" at Quidditch. Lorenzo told you the filthiest rumors you've ever heard and truly wondered where he heard them. You were a little upset that all your friends disapproved of your new boyfriend. Mattheo had stayed silent the second Cormac's name slipped off your tongue. You turned to him, staring at him. Mattheo clicked his tongue. You didn't need him to say anything, rolling your eyes. You stood up, leaving the Slytherin common room all together.

After that your relationship was a touchy subject in your friend group. Often you'd all just ignore it entirely. When Cormac would interrupt, which was more frequent than you liked, everyone would fall silent and glare at him as he tugged you out of your seat. Though sometimes they would bring it up with you, every one of them always had some bad words to say about your boyfriend. Everyone, except Mattheo. He never spoke about it. Though that didn't mean Mattheo's point wasn't known. Often if Cormac's face was shown or even mentioned, all of a sudden Mattheo went silent. He was clenching his jaw, rolling his eyes, and clicking his tongue every two minutes. If he wasn't showing his hatred physically, Lorenzo or Theo would be reporting back to you. Theo always told you all the distasteful names Mattheo called Cormac. Lorenzo always told you the different ways Mattheo planned on torturing your boyfriend. No matter what he told the boys, Mattheo never said anything to you.

Until now.

You had planned on spending the weekend with your friends, whether that meant a sleepover, almost sacrificing Draco, or teaching Theo how to play charades. You thought it would be fine by Cormac because he never asked you out or made plans with you. You had a spectacular time with them. Just one hour with your friends and you were already feeling the stresses of your school week wash away. All of you laying in the courtyard grass as Draco ranted about his god awful experiences this week. Theo popping in his opinion every few minutes but the group was still filled with laughs and giggles. You were sat at the bottom of the tree you were all scattered around. It was peaceful and happy until you heard someone stopping towards you, the shuffling of a bulky Quidditch uniform. You peered around the tree to see Cormac storming towards you. Your friends noticed your sudden stiffness, looking to the source of the noise. You heard most of them groan.

"Not this bitch again." Blaise muttered.

"Stronzo" Theo whispered under his breath.

"I have got to get my father to hire an assassin." You rolled your eyes at Draco. You heard the muttering of Cormac approaching closer to you. He finally reached you, tapping you roughly on your shoulder. You looked up at him and smiled.

"Why hello, lovely boyfriend. Whatever can I do for you?" You wished your friends had chuckled or laughed but they all winced.

"Save it." Cormac grunted, pulling you up by your forearm. You quickly grabbed the strap to your bag, hauling it over your shoulder. Cormac noticed his glaring crowd of Slytherins. He leaned into your ear before angrily whispering to you.

"What happened to watching your Lovely boyfriend at Quidditch practice? Hm? 'Stead of watching me you're over here dicking around with your freak friends."

"Don't call them freaks."

"Shut up, do not interrupt me when I'm talking. You know my family has a saying? If a bitch doesn't know their place, beat them into it-" Cormac's grip on your arm tightened. You glanced down at his knuckles whitening.

"That's enough out of you Cormac." You looked up at Mattheo. This was truly the first time he said something disapproving of Cormac in front of you. Cormac rolled his eyes, tugging on your arm for you to follow him.

"Release their arm, you incomplete little dickhead." Pansy said, standing up next to Mattheo. You glanced around as all of your friends began to stand up. You suddenly felt like you were watching a children's movie and they were all going to break into song and dance. You wrenched your arm out of Cormac's grasp, stomping off to the Quidditch pitch. Cormac chasing after you and chiding you. You watched Cormac's practice, you cheered, and you ignored your friends for two days straight.

When you did return to them they didn't mention your boyfriend but they kept reminding you of how they supported you. Draco told you he'd hire a very good assassin for you if you gave him the word. No one mentioned Cormac's name but all of a sudden your friends were mentioning their deadliness. You told them you could handle yourself. You didn't need your friends to fight your battles. Sure Cormac said some odd things but it had been a particularly bad day for him. He treated you greatly but he just had a rough time and mishandled it that day. Pansy told you on your next birthday she was gifting you with Cormac's skull. Through all of their planned homicides, Mattheo stayed quiet.

At first you appreciated his silence because at least he wasn't telling you how he'd brutally murder your boyfriend. Now you were annoyed. You used to talk to him all the time, spending all your free time with him. Now Mattheo couldn't even look you in your eye when Cormac was mentioned. With more of Cormac’s appearances, the less Mattheo talked to you. Not only was he neglecting your friendship now he was neglecting to speak to you. You were starting to wish he'd tell you all the ways he'd decapatate Cormac just so he'd talk to you. So you hung out with your friends less. Their constant gorey talk and Mattheo's silence just made it difficult for you to sit through a conversation with them.

It'd been weeks since you last talked to them. You missed them but you had a feeling if you returned they'd make a stink about it. You saw them in the halls while Comarc walked you to wherever he wanted. Mattheo always grimaced at Cormac's hand on the back of your neck, dodging your eyes. Cormac seemed to trip suddenly when Pansy reached into her pocket. So you avoided them like the plague.

Weeks later, You placed your books back where you found them, humming to yourself. You had spent the whole day in the library. You sat in the window nook. Your stacks of read books growing taller around you. You didn't fully finish most of them but you skimmed them and that was enough for you. It felt nice to be alone and peaceful. No Cormac. No Mattheo. No drama. No Quidditch practice. No "oh come watch me arm wrestle Fred Weasley I'm going to beat him." And then lose nonsense. Just you, a peaceful room, and a good couple hundred of books.

"Hey baby, come here often?" And in comes Mattheo. You glanced behind yourself. He was leaning against a bookshelf, looking through the titles of your books.

"Oooh sorry handsome, I have a boyfriend. Awe." He smiled at you, happy to have you joking back with him. Mattheo rolled his eyes at you, remembering that you mentioned Cormac.

"Fuck your boyfriend. He's a bitch. You can do better." You sighed picking up more off your floating stack of books. You did not respond. Mattheo followed after you, taking a few books off the top himself.

"You know how at store if you buy something you can return it and swap it out for a new one? You can do that with your funk ass boyfriend too."

"Mm hm yeah, whatever you say Matty." You flicked your wand. Your books flying off the stack back towards their home. Mattheo held his stack out towards you. You snatched the books out of his hands, sending them back to their original spot.

"Come on, baby. We miss you. Not your skank ass boyfriend but that's besides the point. Come on are you really going to cut your friends out because your boyfriend is all "be my slave, suck my dick, make me dinner my tummy's rumbling"?" Mattheo stuck his arms out and wobbled like a zombie as he mocked Cormac. You deadpanned at him.

"Yes. That is exactly how my partner treats me." You said laced with severe sarcasm. Mattheo pointed at you.

"See. I'm glad you've realized that. But seriously, there's no way he treats you well. His middle name is Cornelius." You glared at Mattheo as you finished putting back your last book. You stifled your laugh and schooled your features. Mattheo caught it though, his grin growing.

"I mean does he even listen to the Smiths thinking of you?"

"Which one? Girlfriend in a Coma?" Mattheo’s face fell as he glared at you. Not the same one he sent to Cormac, this one was softer around the edges.

"Ha. Ha. Baby, come on. Does he even fantasize about your future together? Does he even get sick to his stomach thinking of how much he cares for you? Does he ever just look at you? To watch how pretty you are? Or does he just look at you when you can give him something?" You thought for a moment. You started to realize how little Cormac actually did for you. You covered up your concerns with a bright smile.

"Don't you have friends? Or do you only bother poor defenseless people in the library?" Mattheo rolled his eyes. He leaned against the table behind him.

"Mm hm. Listen baby, you can call me if you need anything. To beat up your-"

"Just say boyfriend"

"Punk ass boyfriend, if you feel lonely, if you need to get rid of a body, if McLaggen can't figure out how to make you cum and you need a very enthusiastic dildo, if you want arsenic to kill McLaggen, whatever I'm here for you." Mattheo gently grabbed your wrist and tugged you closer to him. He rubbed your back as he stared up at you with puppy eyes.

“If he hears you talking like that I think he’ll have your head.” You whispered to him. Mattheo shrugged. You intertwined your fingers behind Mattheo’s head. His fingers gently tracing shapes on your back. Cormac was never gentle. He always tapped you a little too hard, pulled you roughly, yanked on your clothes until you heard stitches pop. Mattheo would take his time with you while Cormac would always try to get something out of you the fastest. He always felt like he was racing against his own personal best to see how fast he could ruin your day. Mattheo tilted his head gaining your attention again.

“Could not care less about that little-“ you pressed your finger to his lips. Mattheo closed his mouth.

“I have to go.”

“To him?” You rolled your eyes at Mattheo.

“Yes I have to go, I have a date with my boyfriend.” Mattheo nodded. Just as you were about to pass him entirely, he reached out and caught your wrist.

“If he says anything to you, I mean anything. Friendly reminder; I keep my wand with me and I’m fully ready to Avada McLaggen.” It felt strange with him saying such terrible things while staring at you with such warm eyes.

“I love it when you talk dirty.” You whispered. Mattheo groaned and released your hand. He stood up from his seat on the table and disappeared behind the bookshelves. You smiled as you left to Library off to your date.

You truly tried to ignore Mattheo’s words. It’s like when you walk into someone’s home and all you smell is dog but they can’t smell anything. You become so accustomed to the smell you don’t even recognize it. Well Cormac’s shameful behavior was the dog smell and Mattheo was pointing it out. All of a sudden you started noticing things. You saw how anytime you decided to do something on your own he’d get upset. Asking if you were going to go see your “freaky Slytherin friends”. He never looked at you unless he was thinking about undressing you. You always felt cold under his eyes like you were vulnerable. Mattheo was right, McLaggen sucked. So you decided that was it. Only problem was figuring out how to end it.

You sent Pansy a long winded letter, apologizing to her and the boys, begging, crying, and plotting your breakup. You watched her as she stared at the letter on her plate from Cormac’s side. Cormac was squeezing your shoulder, always a little too hard. As Pansy started reading while pushing the nosey boys away, a smile grew. When she finished the letter she glanced over at you. Pansy grinned at you as hid your smile with McLaggen’s cloak. Pansy denied showing the boys her private letter, stuffing it into her pocket. She met you where you told her to in your letter and you both spent the night plotting. Pansy knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, and that girl knew McLaggen. According to Pansy’s informants McLaggen has a crush on some Ravenclaw. Luckily Pansy also knew this girl. Pansy seemed to know a lot of girls. Pansy talked to this Ravenclaw and this Ravenclaw happened to be what Pansy would call a “girls girl.”

Here’s the plan: Ravenclaw Girl will wear her best dress. You will convince Cormac to go to this party. You’ll ask him to go get you a drink. At the drink station, Ravenclaw Girl will flirt with Cormac. He’s utter garbage so of course he’ll reciprocate. Ravenclaw Girl will ask him to follow her up to her room. You’ll wait a couple minutes and all of a sudden oh no where ever has your boyfriend gone best go look for him and now you’ve walked in on your unfaithful lover. Stage a scene in front of everyone, he probably calls you a couple bad names, you breakup and you’re back in business. You’ll be back with your freaky slytherin friends, flirting with Mattheo as friends of course, and calling Cormac every atrocious name in the book.

So the night of the party you dress in the best outfit you knew Cormac wouldn’t fuss about. It was going to be a great terrible night. You hadn’t felt this much excitement since before your god awful relationship started. Cormac complained about the stairs as you both made your way to the party. The music was too loud, the lights were too bright, the people stank too much, but nothing could bring you down. You were beaming even though you spent the first hour sitting on a blue velvet couch tucked under Cormac’s arm. Finally, you pointed out to Cormac you were a little thirsty. He groaned and stood up, moving to the drinks. You watched him from across the room. A beautiful girl with braids that turned blue at the ends approached him.

You understood Cormac’s attraction, she was stunning. Her hair reached just past the small of her back. She had dramatic, sweeping, bright blue winged eyeliner and a blue dress that swayed with her movements. It stopped at her mid thigh, trimmed with black lace. You would cheat on Cormac with her any day. You smothered your grin as you saw her gently tug him up the stairs of the girls dormitroys.

You waited a few minutes. You caught Pansy’s eyes across the room. She gave you a sinful grin and mimicked it. You looked around you. “Searching” for your faithful boyfriend.

“Oh boyfriend, where have you gone? Boyfriend where ever did you go? Oh no I can’t seem to find my lovely boyfriend, Cormac. Best go check the dorms.” You whispered to yourself. You stood and slowly made your way upstairs. You wanted to give Cormac plenty of time to get comfortable with Ravenclaw Girl. You flung open the door Ravenclaw Girl had marked with her necklace around the handle. Cormac had his tongue down her throat his hands squeezing her thighs. You gasped loudly.

“Oh. My. God.” The girl pulled back and gasped just as you did. She covered her mouth with her hands. Cormac spun around and his face fell when he looked at you. He tried to explain this away but all his excuses sounded like an extravagant way to say I tripped and fell I didn’t mean to. You let him have it. You screamed at him. You pulled out the waterworks. You stormed away from him. He followed you still trying to explain this whole situation away. The girl followed after him wanting to see this up close and personal. You spun around when you reached the middle of the stairs, visible to everyone. You called him every name in the book.

“You lying, cheating, filthy, disgusting, revolting, bastard.” You raised an octave with each insult. You saw the people around you turn to look out of the corner of your eye. Cormac tried to get a word in but you cut him off . You spilled everything how he had you working, spending all your time taking care of him and he couldn’t even have the decency to be faithful. Pansy joined you at your side, rubbing your back and glaring at Cormac. You kept yelling and scolding halfway through you noticed most of the crowd had gathered around. You kept shouting and when you finally let everything out you stared at Cormac as you caught your breath. He opened his mouth the second you closed yours. Cormac called you every degrading name he could think of. It didn’t bother you, he said them all before. Then he said it, he crossed the line.

“You hate yourself so much instead of being with a high value male like myself you’d rather fuck the disgusting freak that is Voldemort’s child” You felt your blood boil. You were going to kill Cormac McLaggen. Just not today, maybe tomorrow. You swung and hit him in the nose. Cormac’s head shot back as he quickly gripped his nose. The crowd oooed. Pansy gasped and let out an excited squeal. You heard your friends cheering.

“That’s my fucking girl.” You rolled your eyes at Mattheo’s yells and turned towards Pansy.

“Ready to go?” She nodded. As you turned to walk away Cormac spoke up from his place leaning on the stairs banister.

“I’ll gut you like a fish, and keep your-“ Mattheo’s drink flew at McLaggen’s face, drenching him.

“God just shut your mouth already.” Mattheo added, joining you at your side. The rest of the boys followed after you each stopping by McLaggen to toss in an insult. Blaise had to drag Theo away. Apparently that spaghetti whore comment still made his blood boil. Even the Ravenclaw Girl tossed in one, following after your group.

“You’re really hot when you punched your boyfriend in the face.” Mattheo whispered next to your ear as you all pushed through the crowd.

“Ex-boyfriend. And trust me I know.” You patted Mathheo’s cheek.

[the-habitat-sysblog]

HOW AUTISM CAN INTERACT WITH A COMPLEX DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER

higher rates of introjection - this is something commonly spoken about in the online CDD community, meaning it is a shared experience even if there is little proper medical research on the topic. however, it has been observed that some autistic pwCDDs have more introject alters (specifically fictional introjects - sometimes called 'fictives') than their allistic counterparts. this may be due to hyperfixation on fictional media, or splitting alters sourced from special interests.

splitting due to overwhelm - meltdowns, shutdowns and other reactions to overstimulation in autistic people can lead to splitting new parts, as these situations can be highly stressful.

autistic traits differing per alter - since autism is a neurodevelopmental disability that affects the entire brain, every alter will have some variation of ASD. however, different alters may struggle with/experience different autistic traits! where one alter may struggle more with, say, language and communication skills, another alter may be more proficient in that area. however, the second alter may then struggle instead with a compulsive need for strict, unbroken routines. this is how the spectrum can present differently in different alters.

unpredictable social situations and the stress of social interaction can cause more switching - as social situations can be more stressful for autistics than our allistic counterparts, it should be noted that these can be triggers for rapid switching! we may rapid switch in order to find a part that is best suited to handle the situation, which can end in switching multiple times as a lot of autistic people struggle to cope in uncomfortable social situations, such as at school/work, during conflicts, or at events. (written with input from @kityenok; thank you!)

semi-verbality, verbal shutdown and abilities to communicate varying per alter - in autistics with variable ability to communicate, the proficiency at communication can vary between alters! in semi-verbal/semi-speaking pwCDDs, some alters may have a few more words than others, while others struggle more than the rest of the system. in autistics with frequent verbal shutdowns, there may be alters who rarely if ever experience speech loss, while there are others who are permanently in a state of verbal shutdown. the ability to communicate non-verbally (using body language, signing, or even using assistive technology and speech-to-text) can fluctuate, with certain alters being less effective at using these methods than others. (note: from what i have heard from non-verbal/non-speaking pwCDDs, all alters tend to lack mouth words. if this is inaccurate to your experience, feel free to share!)

of course, there are more ways that autism can influence and interact with alters in CDDs! if you would like to add to this list, feel free to do so. ^^

[catnippackets]

disclaimer: as a sex-repulsed aroace person myself--

on one hand, there is definitely a bit of a double standard when it comes to handling canonically queer characters like, from what I've seen in the circles that I frequent (if you've had different experiences then great but I'm just telling it how I see it). for example, you're morally reprehensible if you ship a canon lesbian with a man or refer to a canon bi character as a lesbian. people will be so angry with you. and it's understandable, since there's so little queer rep in comparison to cishet rep that when there IS a rare actual queer character, the unofficial rule is "don't take that away from them when you add more headcanons to them". like, respect that this one is REAL and NOT just a headcanon. I think it makes perfect sense to feel upset when people take that away, even if it is just fiction and not even canon to the original source. and yet, whenever there exists a canon asexual character suddenly it's all "oh well asexual people can still have sex so it's fine if we headcanon THIS canon sexuality as something different". it makes me feel so genuinely heartache-y and depressed to see ppl ignoring that aspect of a character.

and by "canon" I'm also including characters that were never specifically referred to with a label but are very obviously coded as something, because those characters will still get the "even if it's not stated it's pretty obvious!!" treatment when it comes to showing attraction to the same gender, but not when they DON'T show attraction to any gender. like aro and/or ace coding just doesn't count. I understand that it's kind of hard to represent an absence of something, especially when you're only implying it and not even directly showing it, but it's not impossible. there's a lot of characters that you could argue are aroace coded the same way you could argue a character is gay coded. obviously to a degree every queer identity gets disrespected in fandom and it's something you just kinda have to deal with, but it's easier to notice when it's something you personally relate to. I don't think it would bother me as much if we didn't have that unofficial "respect the canon" rule and everyone just went wild with whatever, but the double standard does genuinely hurt me, especially when I see people I thought were cool about this stuff participating in it. so whenever I see someone fiercely defending an asexual character it really makes me feel good, like I'M being defended, not a random fictional character that I might not even recognize the name of. I feel safe, like that person will respect ME.

THAT BEING SAID,

AS a sex-repulsed aroace person who enjoys thinking about the entire spectrum of intimacy and where a character may fall exactly on that spectrum, ALSO as a person who is aware that "asexual" simply means "does not experience sexual attraction" and not necessarily "is violently repulsed by anything sexual", sometimes I DO want to play out scenarios for my own enjoyment. sometimes I DO want to think hm I wonder where this ace character's line is, compared to a different ace character. I wonder if there is anyone who would be an exception for them, and how they could go about dealing with that exception. I wonder if they're favourable, neutral, or repulsed. if those aspects of their character aren't explicitly stated then what's to stop me from playing around with them and working through my own issues in a controlled and non-canon environment? if they have the same identity as me, I am way more likely to want to play around with them like a doll and perhaps play out scenarios that I might have thought about before but don't actually want to do for real. I'm not taking away their identity, after all; I'm just, in this scenario, imagining this ace character as an ace that might have sex on at least one occasion for whatever reason. either just to try it, or because they do have someone they'd make an exception for, or if they got bored enough, whatever the reason. it isn't quite disrespecting their truth unless it's explicitly stated either in canon or by word of god that it's something they're uncomfortable with. and to be honest, if I see another asexual creator headcanoning a character as somewhere on the asexual spectrum and depicting them in sexual situations, it makes me almost happy, to know that they're still acknowledging that character's canon identity and accepting and exploring the nuance that could come with it, even if I personally believe that this specific character would be repulsed instead of neutral or favourable. there's this understanding of "I'm doing a character study exploration thing", and not "I don't care I just wanna sexualize this character"

but I literally feel GUILTY when I want to write what is essentially a thinkpiece disguised as a fanfiction or original story on asexuality and take an asexual character (canon or coded) and involve them in sexual situations to explore different avenues of the spectrum. I feel like I'm betraying everyone who's like me and is frustrated with how aroace characters are treated within fandom. I'm like "am I being just as bad as those other people who will disrespect a character's canon sexuality just because they think that character is hot and want to ship them with someone? do they do the same thing with other types of queer characters? how does this reflect that person's view of people, if they're explicitly told someone feels a certain way and decides to ignore it for their own amusement? or is it just because they're fictional and not real people and I'm being really sensitive and thinking way too much into it? am I not doing the exact same thing? do I have more credence to explore scenarios like this because I am aroace and sex-repulsed myself and therefore have a pass to do whatever I want and it won't come off as a little weird the way it might if someone who's allosexual did it?"

and these two opinions are at war in my mind constantly. like both of them can and do co-exist but I still struggle to accept that lol

[modernelites-if]

Modern Elites is a 18+ raunchy slice-of-life IF that follows you, a young royal, navigating the world of the obscenely rich and immensely famous while trying to keep your elite, royal family together in the midst of drama and tabloids.

Setting: modern times, fictional tiny country of Selusa, New York, Paris and more.

Genre: slice-of-life, drama, romance

Celebrity. Pop Culture Icon. Heir.

Royal.

As the heir to the Selusan throne, you're known by many names. Growing under the spotlight hasn't been easy, especially since it seems the vultures all want a piece of your elusive family. Country clubs, yachts, parties, private jets, elite schools, you've had it all.

But is there something missing?

Customize your heir from appearance to gender identity to personality. Dictate what kind of person they are: rebellious, dutiful. Do they care about the royal line or are parties more on their mind? Will you keep a squeaky clean rep or ruin the family name?

Customize Salusa and cater the country to your taste.

Dictate what kind of leader you want to be, and how others percieve you.

Experience the life of the hidden .01% and the drama of the ultra wealthy.

Engage in fiery, dramatic romances that could either uplift or ruin you and your family.

and more to come.

THE ADVISOR

Imogen/Ian Lancaster [f/m]- your family's advisor and publicist. I has cleaned up every mess, every leak, every scandal and at this point, there are no secrets between your family and them. Coming from a well-off family themselves, they know exactly how this world works...and they navigate it with a steel will and a cold, detached demeanor. I has you handled like an adult with a child, trying (and probably failing) to keep you in line. Anything you do will go through them, so it's better to think twice.

THE BETROTHED

Everett/Eva St. Clare [m/f] - the eldest of one of the most influential businessmen on your side of the world, black sheep, and a source of gossip in polite society, there have been talks of a betrothal between you two since the partnership started. Because of that, you two are forced into a fake romance for the cameras. E is an arrogant and brash casanova, sex-obsessed, and is proudly noncommital with string of rumors that follow them like their own entourage. Unfortunately for you, E's exploits can damage the carefully constructed facade you two have built. Of course, E doesn't give a damn.

THE REBEL

Vince/Vivian De Grasso [m/f] - (secretly) fresh out of jail and newly reformed (not) V's politician of a mother has asked in a favor from your family: to reform them and stifle their rebellious ways by adding them to your security detail. Your father having a soft spot for the kid, brings them in as one of your guards. Hopefully V keeps in line...or not.

THE COMMONER

Cordelia/Corden Bowen [f/m]- an employee at the country club you frequent, someone less polite would call them a 'nobody.' C has a bit of an attitude, but that's expected from someone who is used to getting berated by rich people all day. There's not much else to say about them...or maybe there is?

THE JOURNALIST

Romi Marshall [m/f]- a famed journalist with contempt for royalty and elitism. Their newsletters frequently slam you and your family's every move, and they don't like you one bit. You can confidently say they're your biggest hater.

THE ROYAL BEST FRIEND

Oliver/Olivia Ames-Astor [m/f]- a fellow prince/princess from another country and your best friend, who is still hung up on their ex. Forced to betroth someone else, O has so many problems you can hardly sort through them. Still, they're kind and as polite as you'd expect from a person who has had etiquette lessons drilled into them since childhood. They're also your best friend, so there's that.

[needle-thread-thimble-spear]

RGU and the Transfeminine, Part 1

OR

Why Miki Kaoru is an Egg

Fig. 1: The Sunlit Garden

When I’d first watched through Revolutionary Girl Utena, Miki Kaoru was initially one of the characters I had the hardest time figuring out. Unlike the other poisoned sibling relationships in the show, Miki and Kozue’s didn’t really make much sense to me. I couldn’t decide how I felt about the character, whether he was “better” somehow than Touga, Saionji, or Akio, or if he was “just as bad”. And of course. What the hell is with that damn stopwatch dude??* Looking at fan writings afterward just deepened the confusion. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on what’s going on with Miki. It’s only after much re-watching, and introspection, that I think I’ve figured out why I’m so conflicted about the character. I’d like to share why- and hopefully along the way I can at least show that Miki is more interesting than many give him credit for. Click the readmore if you please!

(And, to be clear, what is written below is a reading, a blend of evidence from the text, from the subtext, and my own personal experience. I do not claim to be the first to interpret the character this way nor do I claim that this is the definitive read of the character. Nonetheless, I hope I can make my case to you!)

and, a big thank you to @empty-movement for collating all the high quality screengrabs and scans in this post!

Fig 2: Rookie Princes

While I’m not the first to notice, I think it’s frequently overlooked just how similar Utena and Miki are in the first arc. It’s definitely something that flies over the heads of many first-time viewers. But Miki and Utena, are extremely alike! Of course, they are both motivated by an unattainable image of the past, and Miki’s early episodes codify the “sunlit garden” into the RGU symbolic environment. But it’s more than just this. Utena and Miki both treat Anthy in basically the same way. Utena has an easy time convincing Miki that the dueling game is objectifying nonsense. That the principled thing is to leave the whole exercise behind and treat Anthy like a person. It isn’t very hard for Miki to convince Utena to duel him for her hand either. They both view themselves as her personal protector, and (while maybe at different times), both project their imagination of what she must be thinking onto her. Utena does a bit more than Miki to try and figure Anthy out, but it doesn’t take much for her to get swept up in her own image of prince. In both their minds, Anthy needs them to save her. And, when Anthy looks them in the eyes, and tells them. I’m not yours. It destroys them. Freezes them in their tracks, breaks their hearts. Screaming, its a lie, you can’t mean that! Of course they get along so well! They see themselves in one another, plain as day. Little rival princelings, seeking the affections of the same princess, but always with chivalry and good intention.

Fig 3: Heartbreak

But I think there is more to it than that! Miki and Utena (and later Nanami) are some of the youngest duelists (at least, without a black rose anyway). And, they have fairly similar relationships to the other members of the student council. Juri acts as an older friend, mentor, and source of advice for both of them. Its not unlikely that she sees her younger self in the two of them, and while she does very directly take this out on Utena, its her sword that Utena takes to her second duel with Touga. Indeed, Touga manipulates Miki and Utena in unsubtle and sexually aggressive ways, as compared to how he might treat Saionji or Juri. And for both, its their relationship to gender that he directly attacks. He attempts to break Utena’s spirit by turning her “back into a normal girl”, and for Miki he seems to challenge his masculinity. And while this may seem as though the two of them are being shoved in opposite directions, in both cases, Touga hits them in the same place. “You’re a prince then? I don’t think so. Unless you prove it”. Touga isn’t the only one to question Miki’s ability or status. Utena and Juri both tell Miki. You are much more suited to playing piano than dueling. The main difference here is that they tell him this with genuine compassion, but the implication is the same. You aren’t suited to this prince thing. Give it up.

I don’t think it’s just the audience who is conflicted slotting in Miki with the other “men”.

Fig 4: Strange Friends

Much ink has been spilled on Miki and Kozue’s relationship, but I do think there is one thing consistent across readings. There is a power struggle going on between them, and they’ve both got something to hold over the others head. Personally, I don’t believe there is any attraction between them. Rather, What’s Going On With Those Two is their mismatch in understanding their sexuality and the RGU concept of “Reality”, and the friction that creates in their image of themselves and one another. That reading may go as follows. Miki sees Kozue as acting dangerously and immorally. In his mind, she is his responsibility, to keep out of trouble at the very least. Perhaps he sees himself as needing to step in for their absent parents. So he sees himself as the mature and grounded one, a father figure needing to keep the both of them on the straight and narrow. Kozue on the other hand, sees Miki as being essentially blind to Reality (with a capital R). She believes he doesn’t have a good grasp of what sex is, or what adult relationships look like. She may believe that she understands what happened with their parents much better than Miki, and clearly sees that her brother is in danger with his creepy music teacher. So she sees herself as the mature and grounded one, needing to protect her brother both by warding off people who would take advantage of him and by getting him to grow up and see things as they Really are. Without their parents, they feel the need to take care of one another and control how the other approaches their sexuality. But in the end, it does seem that Kozue is the one who is better able to manipulate Miki’s behavior, helping Akio convince him to duel a second time. That Miki needs to grow up and accept what he wants. He sees a vision of Anthy, and he’s driving the akiomobile. And, with fearful realization, he discovers the identity of End of the World.

Fig 5: Fear

So then. Why should Miki be so hung up about his sexuality? It clearly makes him very uncomfortable. And why does he compare the sister he had in the past onto the one he has in the present? What’s so special about that sunlit garden, anyway? What is Miki Kaoru’s shining thing?

Let me spin a yarn, if you'll indulge me-

As far as Miki remembers it, when he was little things were perfect. His parents were still there, and he and his twin sister were thick as thieves. They would play piano together, and drink milkshakes. Things were simple and happy as far as he’s concerned, and while his childhood was not nearly as rosy as he remembers, it was certainly better than whatever he has to deal with now. Now his parents are gone for reasons he doesn’t quite understand, and his sister has drifted away from him and acts promiscuously. His body is starting to change, and it fills him with disgust. Worse still, he finds himself envying his sister for some reason. It all floods him with shame. He needs to fight those feeling with everything he has. Being very clever for his age, he finds himself the youngest member of the student council. He becomes involved with the dueling game as it is revealed to him, and goes along with it, not wanting to act out of place. He gets a crush on Anthy, and is unable to figure out what the hell he should do about it. Later, he meets Utena, and the two become fast friends. And how lucky, his new friend is roommates with his crush! She’s just so perfect. She’s kind, and quiet, and chaste, not at all like his sister. He feels a kinship with her. And in an act of cosmic fate- she plays for him his favorite childhood arrangement. It’s just as Touga says. He can’t let the world get to her, the way its getting to his sister. The way its getting to him. He needs to make sure that Anthy, and his memories, are safe. But alas- it seems she doesn’t feel the same way. She’d rather be with Utena. Hopefully, Utena can protect her where he cannot. Miki and Utena go back to being friends, and he nurses his hurt feelings privately. It wouldn't do to make a scene about it, and besides, it wasn’t appropriate for him to think of her like that anyway. Thinking about anyone like that. He can’t help but feel disgusted with himself for allowing it. Later, his relationship with his sister continues to deteriorate, and his father is remarrying. But he can stick by his principles, and stay out of it all, the dueling especially. Kozue, Touga, and Akio have other plans. He is confronted with Reality, and it terrifies him. He sees himself in the drivers seat, Anthy his. This is what he is now, no point in trying to hide from it. He challenges Utena again, taking an early advantage utilizing his new resolve and Utena’s confusion. But that resolves breaks quickly. What is Kozue doing with Anthy?

Pay attention, or you’ll lose.

Fig 6: Crash!!

Miki is disgusted with himself, his role, because he does not want it. He hates what’s happening to himself and his family. He admires Utena and Juri, for embodying his ideal self. He listens to Touga, puts up with his music teacher, even if they make him feel gross and uncomfortable, because he feels he has to and that he doesn’t have a choice. He idolizes Anthy, so much. He is attracted to her, but maybe there is something more. Maybe, Miki wishes he could be her. Miki, in my mind, is a closeted trans lesbian going through puberty as a boy. I think that part of this might be projection, perhaps. But I hope that I might have made my case using the text of the show. But even if you disagree, I hope that you might have a better appreciation for his character. I think he’s fairly consistently people’s least favorite council member as a character, but honestly he’s my favorite and I think there’s a lot more too him than a lot of people give him credit for.

Fig 7: Three Lesbians Hanging Out

… this all being said. I think it’s interesting that Miki thinks Anthy is the picture of femininity right? That this is what he wants.

In the end, all girls are like the rose bride.

Please wait patiently while I make the case, that while Miki is an egg. Anthy has long since hatched...

(And I do mean be patient! This subject, and the concept that Ohtori represents a transmisogynystic institution at its very core, is WAY more personal than this headcanon, and also is much more of a difficult thing to write for dozens of reasons. I'm still not 100% sure it would even be right of me to post my thoughts on that publicly. But if enough people are interested, maybe that would motivate me to write it!)

*What’s a good Miki essay without some sort of Stopwatch Theory tm? Well (and I freely admit much of this is probably projection, but it’s not just me projecting! It’s also my girlfriend!!), Miki seems to get very wrapped up in his own thoughts. He is very self conscious, takes the criticisms of others very seriously, and also seems to get ideas about How Things Are Going To Happen in his head. He desperately tries to make sense of his surroundings, and finds himself consistently failing to do that. So my guess is the stopwatch is a way for him to regulate and calibrate his thoughts and hypotheses and self image. He picked it up in his duty as council secretary, but its something he feels is significant outside of that. Aha moment? Click. Unexpected end to a council meeting? Click. Something go completely as expected? Click. It helps him process I think. That is my formal Stopwatch Hypothesis tm.

Supplement Fig 1: Stopwatch

[cosmicdream222]

The Phase Basics

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I’ve heard so much varying information on The Phase going around here lately, I wanted to understand the concept from the source. I spent hours reading the extremely long textbook from the original creator, and would like to summarize some basic information that will help clarify what The Phase is.

As always, it’s important to remember this is just one way of explaining and exploring these out-of-body phenomena and should not be taken as a holy grail. I always encourage everyone to listen to their intuition and choose methods that align with their natural strengths.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

✩ What is The Phase? ✩

The Phase is a state of consciousness between wakefulness and REM sleep where individuals can experience lucid dreaming, out-of-body experiences, and other paranormal phenomena.

Diagram from The Phase textbook by Michael Raduga.

Phase states includes lucid dreaming, astral projection, sleep paralysis, and other OOBE. If you become lucid in a dream, or are able to induce sleep paralysis - congrats you’re already in a phase state, and don’t need to use The Phase Method.

This specific concept of The Phase was introduced by Michael Raduga. He has worked with groups of people for years helping them get into phase states with his Phase Method, and proven his techniques to be very effective.

✩ What is the Phase Method? ✩

The Phase Method is a series of techniques used to get into a phase state. It uses the natural awakenings we have in the early morning hours - where sleep is lighter and REM is more frequent - to try to induce a phase state.

✩ What are the steps to the Phase Method? ✩

Step 1: Sleep 6 hours and wake up with (or without) an alarm clock. Waking up around this time will cause lighter and more frequent REM sleep, which will make it easier to induce phase states.

Note: it’s not necessary to use an alarm clock if you already wake up frequently during the night. You can honestly just skip this step and go right to step 2, make your intention before bed, and using every natural awakening to induce a phase state. There are many successful astral projectors who use a simplified version of the phase method based on this idea, without disrupting their sleep cycles, which I will link in the resources below.

Step 2: Go back to sleep with intention. What do you want to do? Lucid dream? Astral travel? Enter the void? Decide what you want and what you will do to induce it.

Examples:

“When I wake up, I will remain still and focus on the blackness behind my eyes, which will take me to the void, where I will affirm for my desires.”

“When I fall asleep, I will enter a lucid dream. I will create a portal in my dream that will take me to my DR”.

Step 3: Perform a “separation technique” - a way for your mind to move your awareness away from your body. This can be done in various ways such as: peering into the darkness behind your eyes, listening to noises in your head, affirming your desires, making an imagined movement like sitting up, rolling over, or pulling a rope to disconnect your astral body from your physical.

Step 4+5: Repeat techniques until something happens. If nothing happens after a few minutes, go back to sleep and try again at the next natural awakening.

✩ Where can I learn more? ✩

The original Phase textbook by Michael Raduga

The Ultimate Astral Projection Guide, a simplified version of the Phase used by many successful travelers.

“Xanth’s Phasing Method” from an older website

The Phase Method for entering the void by @voidprincessblog

Variation on the phase method that incorporates the recliner method by @pinksssecret

The Phase Method for Shifting Reddit post

A subliminal for mastering The Phase on YouTube

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Of All Things, I Became an Oceanid

You always imagined that if you woke up in the world of Genshin, the possibilities of being a Visionless wielder of elements and a slew of romantic shenanigans would lie in your wake. But when you instead find yourself in the body of an Oceanid with romance likely out of the question, your only conclusion is that the gods of reincarnation isekai hate your guts.

cw. you're an oceanid

pairing. navia x reader, kaeya x reader, childe x reader (separate)

notes. don't feel like being an oceanid today? well go ahead and go to the series masterlist and see what your life could be if you were something else in genshin.

So you're an Oceanid now.

You suppose there are worse things you could have turned into. God, imagine if you turned into a hilichurl or something like that. Yeah, you'll take being a graceful water being over a hilichurl any day.

You can talk, you can wield Hydro and you can go literally anywhere you want as long as water is present. It's honestly not that bad of a deal, you can be Mx. Worldwide if you so desire it.

As for finding company with your fellow lochfolk? That's not really much an option, all things considered. As it stands now, Oceanids follow one simple rule.

You stay in your lake, they stay in theirs and you call it a day.

Kaeya

Considering Springvale's small pond is already taken, you decide to call dibs on Starfell Lake since after Rhodeia made even the waters of the Dawn Winery bitter, you figured it would be better to try a source lake not connected to her spot in Liyue

To be honest when it came to being an Oceanid, you figured you didn't really need to become the companion of any of the characters

You're more than content to stay in your lake and mind your business. But truthfully, it does get boring, so when you saw Kaeya's reflection peering into your waters, you popped your head up to say hi almost instinctively

Apart from a brief look of surprise, that's the extent of your attempt to seem regal and mysterious in front of the Calvary Captain

"A water faerie so far from Fontaine? I can't believe my eye; this is the certainly the last thing I was expecting to see while out on a stroll."

It's not everyday you meet something so exciting and considering what happened after encountering the Traveler and Paimon, Kaeya decides to listen to his instincts that there'll be a lot to come from interacting with you

Because of this, Kaeya is a frequent visitor to your lake besides the people who occasionally stop by to clean the statue of the Seven

You ask him about the daily gossip of Mondstadt and he asks you about the life of being a water faerie, a fair trade even if most of your information is based on your memory of the Genshin wiki page and the limited personal experience you have

Kaeya's made a joke about how your meeting is something one might read in a romance novel, much to your embarrassment

Is he serious or no?

It's not like there haven't been any Human/Oceanid relationships in this game so it isn't completely out of the ordinary when you think about it...

At the same time though, you don't want to look super eager

One particular night, a long silence fell over you both when you asked him about his family. He tells you a bit about his past, about being adopted into the Ragnvindr family and his present less than savory relationship with Diluc

You ask if he's lonely to which he asks in return "do I seem lonely?" yet there is no bite in his tone nor is there any sarcasm either. his gaze is thoughtful but miles away from your lake

"Yes" are the words on your non-existent tongue yet you can't bring yourself to say it, all while a warm hand brushes against your watery cheek much too quickly

Navia

Being an Oceanid in Fontaine pre-Neuvillette's judgement was pretty much impossible, thankfully you airdropped into Teyvat after that deciding to call an area near Poisson your home

As to how you met Navia, you heard her crying by the sea as she does sometimes after getting new flowers for the grave of her father and much like the Spring Faerie of Springvale, you answered the call and swam to the surface

She thought maybe you were Melus or Silver, or maybe some other lost soul of Poisson. You quickly let her know that wasn't actually the case, much to Navia's initial disappointment

But Navia is an optimist, first and foremost. So she won't let the reality of the situation get her down and would ask you a bunch of questions. Afterall, Oceanids are thought to be practically extinct in Fontaine after Egeria's death so she doesn't want to waste the opportunity to learn more about you

And boy do her questions range from genuinely thought provoking to so silly it leaves you both in a fit of laughter

It's a first meeting that does Navia good, there she was so sad and then you came and turned the entire situation inside out. She promises to make you macarons as thanks, if lochfolk can even eat

Truthfully, you don't know if you can either. It's not like it's necessary to eat as you are now but fuck it you want to find out for yourself

Navia is also quick to invite you live in the waters of Poisson in general, or at least settle in if you ever want to visit and see the town for yourself

You take her up on the offer to have, if anything, a change of scenery and to see more people out and about than you normally would

You truthfully enjoy a nice yap session with Navia, it's never boring when she's around even if the most you're doing is watching her dish out orders from your comfortable pond in Poisson

But the best hangout sessions you have are when you are a good distance from the place and she can chat with you freely. She'll bring a basket of snacks, a blanket to sit on and you'll chat the day away

Sometimes she'll even bring a sketchbook and attempt to draw your portrait. Navia isn't the best artist but you enjoy looking at her artwork nonetheless

A small secret of her heart though is that Navia is quite sure that as a young girl she dreamed of something like this. Meeting an Oceanid by lakeside and falling in love before willingly being taken into the depths of Fontaine to eternally perform a watery dance of love

Maybe she can't do some of those things as the boss of Spina di Rosula, but maybe the former... maybe she's just been reading too many romance novels

Childe

When it comes to Childe, you truly lucked out in becoming an Oceanid when you lost the isekai 50/50. Because if you were something couldn't talk like a Thunder Manifestation or a Geovishap... you'd be assed out

For he, Tartaglia, is constantly finding ways to become stronger and that includes fighting mythical beings he comes across

But hey, Childe is no barbarian. Anything that can talk and beg for its life, for the most part, isn't a viable option for honing his skills

So congratulations, you narrowly avoided becoming a hashtag in someone's twitter bio twice in a row

Childe quickly laughs off your near brush with death and he dodges the spout of water you send his way. Sadly, he's somewhat charming when he says "come on, in my defense I didn't think you had any real intelligence! Now that I know we can easily become buddies, I'm sure!"

Maybe it's guilt (you doubt it), maybe it's a bit of youthful wonder permeating his soul (you're sure it's this), but he makes it a point to visit you while he is in Fontaine

Yeah, you lost another 50/50 by being airdropped into Fontaine during its Archon Quest but miraculously the water isn't painful. Maybe it's because you're technically not from this world and it grants you some sort of immunity? You're not sure

You are sure of, however, the fact that Childe comes to visit you like he gets paid for it

Apparently he wants to chat it up with you so he has plenty of interesting stories for his younger siblings when he visits them next time he is in his homeland

You sadly have a soft spot for it seems for war criminals that also happen to be family-oriented so you indulge him begrudgingly despite the rocky start to your friendship

When he gets arrested, you don't see him for a while and you admittedly grow worried when he doesn't show up even beyond the crisis of the prophecy coming to fruition but isn't like you can just discreetly find a fatuus in a city, let alone a Harbinger

Childe comes to see you soon enough though when he's recovered a substantial amount (barely any at all)

He laughs at you worriedly berate him for being so careless. "I just had to make sure my favorite Oceanid didn't miss me too much, that's all"

[frankingsteinery]

for some reason people seem to think that mary somehow stumbled into writing a commentary on marriage/incest accidentally, and that the themes of frankenstein are all about her trauma due to her experiences as a victim of the patriarchy, as a woman and a mother surrounded by men - as if she wasnt the child of radical liberals who publicly renounced marriage, as if she herself as well as percy shelley had similar politics on marriage, as if she would not go on to write a novel where the central theme is explicitly that of father/daughter incest years later…

the most obvious and frequent critique of victor i see is of his attempt to create life - the creature - without female presence. it’s taught in schools, wrote about by academics, talked about in fandom spaces - mary shelley was a feminist who wrote about feminism by making victor a misogynist. he’s misogynistic because he invented a method of procreation without involving women purely out of male entitlement and masculine arrogance and superiority, and shelley demonstrates the consequences of subverting women in the creation process/and by extension the patriarchy because this method fails terribly - his son in a monster, and victor is punished for his arrogance via the murder of his entire family; thus there is no place for procreation without the presence of women, right?

while this interpretation – though far from my favorite – is not without merit, i see it thrown around as The interpretation, which i feel does a great disservice to the other themes surrounding victor, the creature, the relationship between mother and child, parenthood, marriage, etc.

this argument also, ironically, tends to undermine the agency and power of frankenstein’s female characters, because it often relies on interpreting them as being solely passive, demure archetypes to establish their distinction from the 3 male narrators, who in contrast are performing violent and/or reprehensible actions while all the woman stay home (i.e., shelley paradoxically critiques the patriarchy by making all her female characters the reductive stereotypes that were enforced during her time period, so the flaws of our male narrators arise due to this social inequality).

in doing so it completely strips elizabeth (and caroline and justine to a lesser extent) of the power of the actions that she DID take — standing up in front of a corrupt court, speaking against the injustice of the system and attempting to fight against its verdict, lamenting the state of female social status that prevented her from visiting victor at ingolstadt, subverting traditional gender roles by offering victor an out to their arranged marriage as opposed to the other way around, taking part in determining ernest’s career and education in direct opposition to alphonse, etc. it also comes off as a very “i could fix him,” vibe, that is, it suggests if women were given equal social standing to men then elizabeth would have been able to rein victor in so to speak and prevent the events of the book from happening. which is a demeaning expectation/obligation in of itself and only reinforces the reductive passive, motherly archetypes that these same people are speaking against

it is also not very well supported: most of the argument rests on ignoring female character’s actual characterization and focusing one specific quote, often taken out of context (“a new species would bless me as its creator and source…no father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as i should deserve theirs”) which “proves” victor’s sense of male superiority, and on victors treatment/perception of elizabeth, primarily from a line of thinking he had at five years old, where he objectified her by thinking of her (or rather — being told so by caroline) as a gift to him. again, the morality of victor’s character is being determined by thoughts he had at five years old.

obviously this is not at all to say i think their relationship was a healthy one - i dont think victor and elizabeth’s marriage was ever intended to be perceived as good, but more importantly, writing their relationship this way was a deliberate critique of marriage culture.

[animeyanderelover]

Can I ask  NSFW headcanon for Muzan? Thank You 😊

What would the reaction be like if Yoriichi, Muzan, Carla and Reiji with a s/o who had an extremely complicated pregnancy, they almost lost their s/o and the baby, pls pls 🤧

I am no doctor so I would appreciate any corrections of errors I might have made. This might also be somewhat more extreme but I went with what I found on the internet.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, toxic relationship, abduction, manipulation, gaslighting, clinginess, controlling behavior, pregnancy, forced pregnancy, labor, high-risk pregnancy, premature labor, birth, cannibalism, illness, cardiac arrest, C-section

Tags: @leveyani @kanaosprotector

Extremely complicated pregnancy

Reiji Sakamaki

☕️A life with Reiji is thoroughly scheduled as he always needs to have control over every little thing in your life. The already tight leash you had on you only becomes tighter the moment you manage to get pregnant with his child. He oversees everything strictly in your life from that day on from the food you consume to the drinks you choose. He’s very adamant that you stay healthy and deliver him a healthy child. A child that he has been planning to have with you for a longer time now. He has read every available source, he has created a diet schedule for you and he feels validated in his speculation and research when you actually find yourself craving occasionally blood which he immediately provides you with since you carry a vampire baby. You normally refuse the consumption of blood from humans because you’re still human yourself which leads always to him forcing it past your lips and down your throat. Consider the health of your baby before being such an unreasonable and neglectful mother-to-be. His own mother always ignored him so Reiji is extremely dedicated to ensure that you are a good mother to his own child.

☕️The first few months of the pregnancy go rather well. Besides the common morning sickness, some headaches and mood swings the baby develops healthily inside your womb. Reiji monitors everything extremely closely and you have him checking on your condition and the condition of the little one almost daily. Whenever you lash out on him due to his restricting schedules, he always quickly puts you back in your place by sharply scolding you for your immature behavior. He's designing the nursery room for the baby, accompanies you whenever he deems that it's time for you to take a walk outside and get some fresh air. The baby starts visibly moving around and kicking your insides when you are 19 weeks along and from that day on Reiji even starts observing the movements of the baby because any lack of it or very frequent movements can also indicate whether the baby is feeling fine or not. He has even already chosen a handful of names although he decides to wait until the baby is born and he can see them for the first time.

☕​It's within your fifth month that you start experiencing complications. There is an increase in your headache, you suffer from shortness of breath, your vision is blurry or you see dark spots dancing in front of your eyes and you also experience abdominal pain. You would like to think that this is normal but you can't deny that some of those symptoms scare you and the way Reiji's eyes narrow when you are forced to tell him about it only adds to your growing anxiety. When he runs some tests on you and realizes that your blood pressure is elevated, he starts getting worried. This shouldn't happen. He has always hated it when something didn't go according to his plan but your current pregnancy only heightens the stress he is feeling because right now he can't afford that anything goes wrong. The slight panic he initially feels manifests itself into accusations against you as he questions if you have done something that has caused your high blood pressure. His preparations should have been perfect. It is not his fault.

☕​Soon he is too busy closely monitoring your increasingly worsening condition to put the blame on you though as your symptoms have worsened. Your vision randomly blurs or darkens, your headache has led to increased nausea and has made it difficult for you to stomach food, your hands and face have swollen and Reiji has even started suspecting that the blood supply to your placenta doesn't work as it should. The baby doesn't grow and develop as it should due to the lack of blood supply and with each passing week he starts worrying more and more about it. He tries everything he can think of to cease your dizziness and your nausea, the abdominal pain and the lacking blood supply to your placenta but nothing seems to really work. There is no medicine or cure to your symptoms and when Reiji realizes that he can't do anything, the only choice he is left with is trying to prolong the pregnancy long enough to guarantee the survival of his darling and his baby. He starts mentally preparing himself to perform a C-section on you if worst should come to worst.

☕​The worst case scenario happens in your 33rd week when premature labor starts together with intense abdominal pain. You are weakened from weeks of dizziness, nausea and stress and the sheer exhaustion from labor proves too much for you as you faint after a few hours. This leaves Reiji with pretty much no choice but a Caesarean section, especially since the fetus is in breech position. Normally he would be pretty confident in his skills but there is too much on the line for him and this stops him from staying as level-headed as he would like. The little girl he pulls out from your womb during the surgery is worringly small even if she is a prematurely born baby. The most difficult step should have been overcome but instead dread fills him when he notices that she isn't breathing. Suddenly he feels like he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as he spends minutes trying to keep the baby alive until his daughter finally manages to breathe independently and starts weakly crying and even then he can't allow himself to relax. Neither you nor the baby are out of health risks after all.

☕​You are quite weakened after the difficult pregnancy and the surgery and it takes you a few weeks until you feel somewhat healthy enough again to walk longer distances without any help and do certain tasks without experiencing any pain. Just because you can theoretically do it though doesn't mean by a long shot that Reiji will let you. He has become overly cautious after the birth. He's extremely skittish whenever he monitors the health of the baby due to her breathing issues upon birth and worried for any lasting damage she might have suffered due to her restricted development in your womb. You find yourself spending the first few weeks after the surgery mostly spending time with your daughter whilst Reiji is doing everything else. He monitors the health of his darling and their daughter, he cooks for his s/o and he assists whenever and however he can. He feels stressed out even after the condition of you and the baby stabilize because in his mind he can't stop agonizing over the fact that he could do little to nothing to help you in any way.

Carla Tsukinami

🔮​If you wind up being Carla's darling and can biologically bear children, prepare yourself for giving him a child. Carla expects his darling to give him a healthy and strong heir and there will be no room for discussion. You will bear him his child and you will be a good and attentive mother to his baby. All of this happens only after Carla has already broken your mind down enough for you to be completely putty in his hold. Pregnancy is the final step, the final claim he can lay on you to mark you for all eternity as his and at that point you will happily accept his wish of wanting a baby with you. You love him after all and you're sure that you'll love a child with the same golden eyes as his just as much. It is extremely pleasing to see your quick embrace of the idea and he wastes very little time after he has told you about his plans to see it through that you are pregnant as soon as possible. It doesn't take long for him until he senses the new life deep within your womb. He couldn't be more pleased in that moment.

🔮​Similar to Reiji, Carla will be very controlling as soon as he has confirmed that you are expecting his heir. You are always kept within his vicinity and you aren't allowed to go anywhere without informing him. He wouldn't want anything to happen to you, especially with his brother around. That rarely happens though as you are pretty obedient and listen to him which means that you allow him to lead you outside and go for a walk. You feel pretty sick quite often and spend a lot of time on the toilet whenever nausea grabs a hold of you. Shin has made fun of you once when he saw you hanging over the toilet which struck the wrong cord in you in that moment and actually led you to shed tears of shame. You only know that Carla wasn't too pleased when you started crying because of Shin and told you that he'd talk with his brother. Ever since Shin has been trying his best to not say anything within your presence although he looks like he has a lot of snarky stuff he could say. You spend a large amount of time only with Carla though, basking in his affection and joy due to your pregnancy.

🔮​As soon as your bump really starts showing is when other symptoms start to appear. Your hunger increases significantly as soon as the baby bump shows and this makes it difficult for you since Carla has put you on a diet to keep you and the baby healthy. You have troubles keeping your temper under control when he initially always denies you your cravings but you try your best to stay quiet. Until the intense craving for blood starts one day and you start feeling sluggish and weak. That is when Carla starts paying more attention to your cravings. You’re only human, you would under normal conditions never want to consume blood. Is it the baby that makes you crave blood? He has obviously speculated how a pregnancy with a vampire baby would go for your mortal body but speculations don’t necessarily have to line up with the reality. He decides to give in to your new cravings this time as he notices how your energy gets drained. The blood seems to replenish your energy for a while.

🔮The bigger the baby swells though, the more it seems to drain your energy. You grow more tired and exhausted with each month that passes by no matter how much blood Carla lets you consume or how much you eat. Very little of the food you digest is actually used for your own energy as the baby seems to take all the nutrients it needs and leaves very little for you. You lose weight and feel dizzy and exhausted whilst the baby is thriving. Soon it starts getting so bad that you can’t even walk properly on your own anymore without the danger of collapsing. Carla has to assist you even when you go to the toilet and despite your weak protest and tears of shame, he doesn’t allow you anything anymore without his help. The baby sucks everything out of you, he can see your clear struggle everyday as your energy drops and your pain increases due to the heavy weight of the baby inside of you and its strong kicks that feel like it’ll burst out of you any moment. The closer you get to your due date, the weaker and thinner you become. This isn’t good.

🔮Miraculously you make it to your due date until your water breaks but it comes with a heavy price. You’re exhausted, you’re tired and you barely have any energy left to even push properly. All of this is made even worse by the fact that the baby has grown a lot whilst it was protected inside of you. They are big which makes the entire process even more arduous as your body tries its hardest to squeeze the infant out of your body and down your birth channel. When the shoulders of the baby get stuck though and prevent you from giving birth to the baby, everything takes quickly a turn for the worse. Nothing seems to help. That’s when Carla takes action, fully aware that being stuck could end up harming the baby. You can vaguely recall the burning feeling when he abruptly reaches his hand out into your vagina in an attempt to turn the baby around. It’s a painful and uncomfortable feeling that is the final push you need before you finally succumb to unconsciousness which leaves Carla alone to guide the baby out of your body.

🔮You suffer from a fourth-degree tear and malnutrition for weeks after birth which leaves you completely bedridden under Carla’s guidance. His son on the other hand suffered from fractures to his upper arm bone. All of this is rather upsetting and frustrating to Carla who didn’t expect a shoulder dystocia to occur during the birth of his own heir. He spends nearly all of his time in his chambers where he nurses you and the baby back to health. Shin rarely runs into his older brother for that reason. Every time he does spot Carla, he’s always tempted to ask him mockingly how you and his nephew are doing, considering that you went through all of this hell only because of Carla’s wish for an heir. The piercing glare Carla gives him whenever he opens his mouth to ask that question keeps him from doing so though. The younger Tsukinami brother isn’t allowed to visit you and the little boy either, especially not when neither of you has fully recovered. Until that day comes, no one will see you two.

Kibutsuji Muzan

🩸​There have never been any records of demons and humans procreating. If there would have been, Muzan as the King of Demons would have known about it. Technically speaking he has no real need nor any interest in any children of his own. He doesn't need any heir for he is immortal and doesn't plan to ever give up his position to anyone else for he plans to become the perfect existence. Perhaps there is a spark of curiosity though as soon as he has you in his life as it is a thought that often crosses his mind when he dumps his cum inside of you. He has a fondness for science after all but none of it has ever led him to actively try for a baby with you. Then one day he senses the little heartbeat inside of you, senses the new life that has been spawned in your womb. Whilst he isn't actively thrilled about the pregnancy and might even consider an abortion, ultimately it is his scientific interest that manages to stop him from removing the thing from you. A part of him hopes that this child will be able to develop an immunity against the sun due to being only a half demon.

🩸​Since Muzan has always gotten his way with you, you are left with little to no choice but accept his decision to keep the child for now. Your feelings about the little baby currently developing inside of you are confusing as you despise him for forcing you to keep it. Yet you bow down in fear whenever you are faced with his displeasure when he sees you expressing those feelings and thoughts in front of him. This little life inside of you has been directly created by him and perhaps this plays a large fact in why he won't tolerate you thinking about it in such a way. Because the baby will have more from him than any of the demons he has created throughout his entire life. Muzan views himself in the highest light, as a near god, so something that will have his genetics must be strong too. You don't seem to realize that your unwillingness to embrace the thought of having his child will only make him more determined to keep it since he won't allow you to reject something that has been directly created by him.

🩸​Too prideful to show any lingering questions he has in regards of the unique biology his baby will have due to being created by a demon and a human, Muzan just monitors your pregnancy very closely. Partially because of his fascination to finally know that such a pregnancy will be like and partially because he doesn't know what might happen. It is this selfish mindset that soon leads you down a path of misery. Your body is unable to handle the creature inside your womb that seems to suck out all the energy and proteins meant for you whenever you force something down your throat despite your growing nausea. The growth spurt the baby has is abnormal for the first few months but all of this comes with the cost of your own decline of health. Everything is painful and everything is tiring and the little baby is incredibly strong starting from their first kicks. At this rate it is already far too late for Muzan to do anything. Through your pain and your exhaustion you sometimes bitterly blame him for what he puts you through but you never get any apology from him and you know exactly why. He would never admit it after all.

🩸​Then everything suddenly stops though. The growth of your bump and the kicks and hits of the baby inside. There is suddenly no movement anymore at all and despite your not so positive feelings, you slowly start to worry about it. Your own condition isn't improving too greatly though as your food either gets thrown up by you or still seems to be received by the fetus instead. Muzan has already noticed it too. He can still sense the heartbeat within but to his own growing dread it seems to get weaker by the days. His mind is racing as to why and the steadily weakening condition of you and the baby only seem to be a reminder that the time he has to find a solution is limited. Eventually he starts considering that the baby you bear is technically still a demon too. He starts considering that the baby might have reached a phase within their development where the current food you consume isn't sufficient enough anymore. Maybe they need some human flesh. Even though you refuse when he first brings up his theory, Muzan doesn't care as he shoves it from that day on down your throat and to his satisfaction his idea was right.

🩸​Yet he can't enjoy the fact that his theory was right for too long. Your body, unable to handle the large amount of energy and nutrition the baby steals from it, goes into premature and sudden labor in the seventh month. Neither of you two two are prepared for it and even the baby seems to be unhappy about your body giving up on them as they start making a ruckus inside your womb, only adding to the pain you are already feeling. Muzan is unable to calm the irritated baby down. Everything happens too fast for him to even prepare anything. Your body is in a rush to expel the baby from inside you and their frequent and wild movement only cause them to slide down your birth channel faster. The frequent activity of your baby soon comes to a hold though. Their umbilical cord got flattened and Muzan is met with deafening silence when the bloody infant lays in his arms. It is this silence that makes him suddenly lose his composure as the motionless child reminds him vividly of his own birth. Not his own child too. He spends minutes frantically reanimating the infant before she finally lets out her first weak cries.

🩸If your own condition should have worsened any more, Muzan probably would have turned you into a demon. Somehow your fragile body pulled through though and in a way he’s relieved about that. Because for now it would be more beneficial to let you stay human and care for the little girl you gave birth to. With her black hair and her red and bleary eyes she looks a lot like Muzan and perhaps it’s her visible similarity to him that fills his heart with pride. She recovers quicker than you from her troublesome birth, probably because she is half demon. Her appetite is as insatiable as it was during her time in your womb though and to your slight horror she still has her preferences to the taste of human blood and flesh together with your breastmilk. Muzan gives her what you don’t want to give her as he has realized that she probably needs the different nutrients to develop properly just like she needed whilst being in your belly. Now that the baby is born, he forbids you from expressing any hesitation and confusion when you’re taking care of her. This girl is his own flesh and blood and he won’t tolerate you not loving her who is so much like him.

Tsugikuni Yoriichi

☀️Pregnancy should be a joyful occasion for parents yet despite the expected happiness and joy Yoriichi feels when it becomes known that you are expecting his child, there is also a gnawing fear that haunts him. He can't help but recall the heart-wrenching fate that befell Uta and the unborn baby. Even if he has you now in his life, this is a memory he is unable to forget as he often still blames himself for their deaths through the hand of a demon. The slow growth of your bump triggers those haunting memories and sometimes he dreams of the same scene he saw when he returned home to Uta, only that it is now your body torn apart with the precious child murdered before it even had the chance to live. Yoriichi becomes very protective and paranoid over you as he doesn't think that he could bear a repeat of what has already once happened to him. There is always this underlying fear and paranoia that make him much more aware of his surroundings even as he rejoices when he witnesses the first kicks of his baby. His katana is always kept close, especially when night comes where he finds himself often lying awake.

☀️​As winter is already awaiting, Yoriichi makes an effort to keep you warm and protected and your home as cozy as possible. He never leaves you as soon as the sun goes down as he now knows better. All tasks are usually finished within the day so that he can stay by your side and protect you as soon as it gets dark. Despite his efforts to always keep you warm and healthy though, you seem to catch a cold. It is nothing to be worried over though. You have a light headache, your throat hurts whenever you swallow and you cough. You are not really worried though and even assure Yoriichi that it'll pass by soon. Despite feeling already a bit more fatigued due to your pregnancy and now your illness, you still feel fine. You decide to stay inside nevertheless as he fetches you a doctor to monitor your condition. After all you know of his loss of his first pregnant wife so you try to make him feel better and calmer by letting a doctor tell him that you are fine and that you will be fit in a few days again. When Yoriichi returns with the doctor, you feel slightly febrile.

☀️​What should have been only a mild cold soon turns into a serious condition though. Maybe it is because you are pregnant and are just more prone to bacteria yet such explanations do nothing to help Yoriichi's terrified heart. Despite your weak protests to leave the room so he doesn't catch what you have, he stays faithfully with you as your fever soon feels like it is burning your skin and sweat coats your skin. Every swallow is a small challenge as it brings you uncomfortable pain and you are often thrown into coughing fits, your throat coated with phlegm and constantly itching in a dry way. With your worse condition, Yoriichi has asked the doctor to come by every day. He does whatever he can do to help you. He cooks for you and feeds you even if you should have no hunger or simply feel too tired and he heads the advices of the doctor when giving you the medicine that should help your condition. His chest is tight with fear and worry as he feels anxious whenever he sees your bump and wonders how your sick body may also negatively impact the baby.

☀️​Perhaps it is just his fate to watch helplessly as he loses everyone he loves in his life. First his brother, then Uta and his unborn child and now you and the baby you are carrying. Yoriichi can only watch helplessly how you grow weaker and weaker as the days pass by. Your lips are chappy and dry and your skin coated in ill sweat as your whole body is uncomfortably hot due to your fever. Yet even in this condition you try to soothe Yoriichi in his silent despair and promise him that it'll soon get better even as he has to support your weak body when you want to walk around. Your sick appearance always tears his heart apart, his sorrow growing by the day yet he tries to stay strong for you. But this thin threat snaps when your contractions start at only 30 weeks. His whole body is shaking and silent tears cascade down his face as a the doctor and a midwife he brought with him try their best to help you to deliver the baby. He feels small, insignificant and terrifyingly helpless as he stays by your side and with every scream and cry you let out he thinks he is more desrving of death for not being able to save anyone in his life.

☀️​Even after you have made it through birth and have delivered a little boy does his torment continue. Your health plummets down after labor as your body is left severely weakened after the physical exertion that leaves you in a nearly unconscious state as you are too exhausted and sick to even leave. Your sickness soon spreads out to his newborn son and even if his heart is already tattered and torn enough, Yoriichi only continues to suffer. Wherever he goes, he is only reminded of his cursed fate. He spends his time either catering to your needs, his heart screaming whenever you ask in your weak condition for your son or he silently watches over the baby whose little body is desperately battling against the deadly cold. He is too terrified to fall asleep anymore at night, too afraid to wake up one morning to your cold body or to the motionless body of his baby. Instead he lays awake at night, his heart beating anxiously as he listens to your troubled breaths and the breaths of the little baby. Sometimes it becomes too much for him and he is left muffling his sobs with his hand at night.

☀️​Many days pass before you finally start feeling better. You're still feeling slightly feverish but you are able to move by yourself anymore. Yoriichi, who is feeling an overwhelming urge to hug you, kiss you and show you how grateful he is that you are still alive, has to hold himself back as you aren't fully cured yet and still need recovery. You're finally able to interact with your son and the sight of you holding the child that both of you created is a small remedy for his bruised and broken heart, even if the baby is also still sick. He slowly starts recovering though together with you as he receives all the love and care he could possibly get from you, Yoriichi and the doctor. It still takes weeks until his son as well as you are fully recovered and well again and for the first time in a while he feels like he can see the light again. Despite his own exhaustion and tiredness from all his fear he is especially attentive and loving with you and his little son. He just wants the both of you to know how much it really means to him that both of you are still alive and with him.

[bonebrokebuddy]

@kodedgeekthings eyo you mentioned wanting a dpxdc prompt for Howard, Batman’s mechanic!

Harold misses fixing toys for kids and in his off hours has taken up the habit of answering questions on forums about machining, electrical, engineering, mechanics, and mechanical design that are often frequented by students.

One day, he comes across a request by a college student who is trying to assemble his own car out of scrap he bought from a local wrecking yard.

Ghostly_Boy states that he has previous experience in machining and can make replacements for broken or too-damaged parts if need be, but he doesn’t know where to start and what specific requirements he needs to reach to ensure it’s street legal.

Harold willing to help, he answers a few of Ghostly Boy’s clarifying questions:

- Great questions!

It’s good to note that if you’re not careful, fixing or making your own car from parts can be a moneysink and can cost you more than a brand new vehicle. - That being said, your first major step to ensuring you can drive the car is to get the title of the body/frame of the car you plan to build. It’ll have the VIN on a plate welded to the frame usually near the lower edge of the windshield wipers on the drivers side. It’s how the DMV identifies vehicles for licensing.

- Generally, you’ll at first get a “wreck out” title that shows the vehicle is listed as a total loss, but if you can assemble the parts for the car with that frame, the DMV can check if it’s properly running and road worthy & license for you to use it on public roads if you’ve done the proper paperwork.

- Once that is done, it’s largely a case of getting the right parts and assembling them. Depending on how much you have to repair, you could be taking on a task that could give a challenge to even a seasoned mechanic. There may be additional paperwork depending on what exactly you need to repair, like the breaks, lights, steering, etc.

- If you want to build the car entirely from scratch, chassis and all, that’s an entirely different story with a much more complicated list of requirements to make it street legal, so getting a frame from a junkyard is a great first step!

- Make sure to keep all bills of sale, junkyard receipts, invoices and manufacturers’ certificates on any major parts you used in building the vehicle to prove its road worthy to the DMV when it’s complete!

Harold doesn’t always answer first but over time he’s found the adventures of this kid amusing and keeps up with it.

Ghostly_Boy keeps the forum updated with his progress:

The kid spontaneously deciding to scrap the wiring system and make his own in a span of 3 days, leaving experienced mechanics on the forum practically screaming at the kid for his updates showing him using random wires he salvaged and pigtailing them together to get the length of wire he needed.

Mixing not only multiple types of wires but ones that didn’t have the protection needed for auto use. DIY-ing his own relay and fuses he didn’t have and connecting the wrong grounds and switches. And planning on leaving the wires unwrapped and loose.

Leaving Ghost to promptly redo the wiring, correctly this time, within 78 hours.

Making a repair of a massive rusted hole on the passenger side by the bumper and the front tire via cutting 1/2in past the rust, grinding it pretty and clean, tac & seam welding the vintage aluminum housing material of a toaster to cover the hole to the response of Harold and many others in the forum just going “… I guess that would work?”

Harold and many others telling the kid that this “ectoplasm” material wasn’t cleared through the EPA’s Clear Air Act and could be illegal to drive with it as it’s fuel source unless he got the emissions tested & the center of gravity of the car adjusted to have the center of gravity a gas car has, it wouldn’t pass Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards. Nor would the previously untested on material make it easy or quick to get an Emissions testing certificate. Best to just stick with gas.

Removing what he thought was a “skid plate” that turned out to be another rusted out section on the frame on the bottom of his car and repairing it with steel he salvaged from an old medical table he had laying around. (To the multiple slightly confused commenters asking how Ghost had a spare medical table, he replied, “eh, my folks visit every so often and they’ve been giving me things they’re clearing out of the house so they can move closer to my older sister. I just so happened to get the ye olde medical table. They’re an odd couple of folks but that’s why I love them.”)

People just crying at the kid to go to rockauto.com and just buy the damn parts he needs for his car. (A good resource btw)

The kid kept cutting corners to save cash but through the badgering of Harold and many others that he actually would have to spend money to make this car be safe to drive in, he finally got it completed.

Ghost’s post of him leaving DMV waving the updated title to the car in its envelope in the air, titled, “THE DMV FINALLY SAID IT WASN’T A FIRE HAZARD! ONLY TOOK 2 YEARS! THANKS EVERYONE!” Got the most amount of responses he’d ever had with congratulations from lurkers and previous commenters.

Over the course of those two years, Danny learned how to draw his own wiring diagrams, properly solder and weld, and learning to actually plan out his projects so he got it right at least the fifth time instead of the 20th. Not bad for a kid that went straight from graduating high school with a 1.5GPA to construction jobs.

But after finally getting the car approved, Ghostly_Boy returns to the forum with a new problem. Lamenting that his parents keep coming over and “modifying” his car to no longer make it street legal.

At this point, about half of the answers to the submission think it’s either a joke project taken very, very seriously with a good chunk of money behind it, or a kid with parents that have narrowly avoided falling completely down the mad scientist rogue rabbit hole.

After all, what sort of parent would think that the DMV would approve to “anti-ghost missiles” being attached to the outer body of the car? Either way, the submissions always had video attached showing a demonstration, proving that Ghost wasn’t just completely yanking their chain. And a good amount of money would have to be sunken in to not only pay for the fines Ghostly continued to get from the additions to his car, but to actually manufacture and make a unique working product for each plea for help request.

Harold is not only taking notes on some of these defense measures but also decides to bring up the boy to Alfred. Intrigued, they together keep an eye on Ghostly_Boy. Bruce may be their employer, but they can handle a case or two on their own.

- I wanted Danny to try to make smth for himself now that he doesn’t have access to his parent’s lab anymore but he also doesn’t have access to ectoplasm so he’s fairly unfamiliar how to wire things Not for ectoplasmic standards.

Also I wanted to make a prompt where Danny had a good relationship with his parents & went into a fairly realistic job after high school with his fairly bad GPA so he’s saving up for a technical school via construction jobs as he doesn’t like the idea of working fast food for understandable reasons.

[doubleca5t]

re: young women experiencing abuse getting converted to terf ideology: that happens. frequently. young women who have been abused or assaulted feel validated by terf rhetoric because it absolves them in a way. obviously abuse is never the victim's fault, but something about hearing 'not only is this not your fault, but it was inevitable, because being a woman Is being abused and being a man is inherently being an abuser' resonates very well with victims, especially victims who are hearing from other sources that their abuse *was* their fault, that they should have done more to prevent it/not led him on/left sooner, which are things nearly everyone i know (including myself) who has been abused has heard. terfs very clearly target young girls who are hurting and in a prime position to lash out, and redirect that anger towards the *people* they dislike (men and trans people) instead of the institutions that perpetuate abuse.

Yeah that totally checks out. I've talked to a few terfs and visited their blogs and almost all of them are driven by a history of extremely traumatic experiences with men, to the point where radfem ideology almost feels like one giant collective trauma response. I just wish that trans inclusive spaces talked about this shit more nowadays cause it's not like you can't address abuse and assault of women from an institutional, intersectional perspective. "Cis women are oppressed and abused on a societal scale" is not mutually exclusive with "trans people are oppressed and abused on a societal scale".