#source: meeeeeeeeee

[pawpunkao3]

Ted: Chin up, little dude. There's someone out there who thinks you're hot just the way you are.

Pete: Yeah, right. Someone thinks it's sexy that I can name every element of the periodic table. Sure.

~Across town~

Steph: Fuck it's so sexy that he can name every element of the periodic table

[huntershowl]

ah......... the cramps have hit........

[polycharismas]

so much iori fanart . heh .

[chuluoyi]

https://www.tumblr.com/chuluoyi/758239847743897600?source=share

chuuuuu, this fic reminds me of megumi... i mean, in au, megumi would SURE be acting like this!!!!! arghhh!!! if you happen to know any royal and kingdom based au of megumi, pls share it with meeeeeeeeee 🥹🥹🥹🥹🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

wrio and megumi do share similar traits🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ and when it’s alexis who writes him i’m a goner🙂‍↕️

i’ve been looking for royal au for megumi too but i don’t really find it :’) anyone who has recs feel free to drop it!

[vagueconfusion]

Vessel, beginning of The Night Does Not Belong To God, from the second Chicago ritual

Source: meeeeeeeeee!!!

[siren-serotonin]

HOW THE FUCK DID I MISS UNDERTALE'S 8TH BIRTHDAY???????

PAPYRUS, NAPSTABLOOK, CHARA, FLOWEY, SANS, PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEE IM SO SORRY

*sobs loudly*

WHYYYYYY

I THOUGHT IT WASNT FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER WEEK???

*sob sob more sobbing*

*eternities later, when siren stops crying*

happy 8th birthday to undertale, my biggest hyperfixation and main source of SEROTONIN

did that count as a pun????? i hope so

see y'all later, stay determined <3

[fictionkinfessions]

As someone who kins an amalgamation of Refields and is highly autistic about Dracula in general, my reading of The Dracula for the first time has just become very Rough with Renfield's introduction. On one hand, I'm spinning around happily pointing because that's meeeeeeeeee yay I'm here finally but on the other hand nonononononono the hints of how this will go makes me so apprehensive I almost threw the book hnnnnnnng help -Renfield (for ease of our benevolent and gracious and thorough mpc please tag dracula 1931 as the source you're the best :3)

x

[fates-theysband]

S/I Ask Meme: Stanley Parable Endings

Freedom: How does your S/I fit into the canon events? What changes as a result of their presence?

Countdown: How long has this S/I existed? Have they gone through many changes?

Museum: What's a fact about your S/I that you've wanted to talk about but haven't found the opportunity?

Mariella: Are there any non-canon characters (who aren't F/Os themselves) who play a role in your S/I's life?

Escape Pod: Do you think there's anyone else a hypothetical fandom would ship your S/I with besides your F/O?

Heaven: What was your thought process for coming up with your S/I?

Broom Closet: Post some memes or funny pictures that remind you of your S/I!

Confusion: Does your S/I have their own "arc" or "episode" in your version of the story? If so, what happens?

Powerful: Are there any (physical or personality) traits you gave your S/I because you wish you had them?

Apartment: What is your S/I's home/quarters/general living space like?

Zending: Post some aesthetic pictures that remind you of your S/I, or just describe their aesthetic if you don't feel like looking for pictures.

Games: If you use different S/Is for different series or just generally have multiple S/Is, do you think this S/I would get along with the other ones?

Art: What does your S/I look like? You can describe them, draw them, or make them in Picrew, whichever's easiest for you!

Reluctant: Is there anything you're having trouble figuring out about your S/I?

Window: If your S/I was canon, what do you think the fandom would think of them?

Serious: What is your S/I's main motivation in the story?

Whiteboard: What would you say is the biggest difference between your S/I and your actual self?

Real Person: Do you consider your S/I to be a direct fictionalization of you, an OC that you use to represent yourself, or something in between?

[incorrect-zexal-quotes]

Kotori: If you like someone, tell them!

Cathy: Or just stalk them on every social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It's whatevs

[n-chu4ever]

Rex, hitting a high note: Reginald!

Speed, hitting even higher: And Speedy!

Spritle, not bothering to sing: And Spritle!

Trixie: THE RACER BROTHERS!

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[ooops-i-arted]

I love the headcannons you are creating about the "101 Yoditos and How They Grew". Especially the insights into how OG Yod has some delays due to his life experience, and how Din deals with that. The results of abuse and neglect are so often not physical that we can be blindsided by them - and even reading about the situation in a fictional setting can increase our empathy. And then we can share that empathy with others. Thanks.

Thank you!  I’m glad you’re enjoying it, because I sure am.  A lot of it is sourced from my own experiences or knowledge, directly or indirectly (and so is stuff in From A Certain Child’s Point of View).

I currently work in a program that mainly serves low-income/at-risk children and there is a lot more trauma, delays, etc. and I’ve learned so much more about it in the past few years.  So as soon as I saw Baby Yoda - even though I knew it was constraints from the puppet and such because I don’t believe for a second actual child development was ever a consideration - I was like, yeah, this kid has delays and has trauma.  Babey.  Must protecc.  Must provide access to speech therapy.  DIN DO A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE WITH MEEEEEEEEEE

[chaos-in-the-making]

Towa was cannonically born first. Just thought I should let you know.

Please give me your source because I NEED IT FOR PURPOSES

There is already canon???? Show meeeeeeeeee cuz i somehow missed it 😭😭

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 37-40

Chapter 37

So this chapter is very rapey and if you’re not comfy reading it I can safely say that it’s not crucial to the “plot” of the rest of the book at all and you can skip it if you wish. 

We’re back with Klaren, who’s being strangled by General Cortas because he’s mad that he’s constantly horny for her. She mind-controls him into letting her go and we find out that she’s been here for two years, where they forced her to send videos to the King of Xen Ptera to get him to surrender but she’s a rebel so she told him to keep fighting. 

During that time, she’s also been brainwashing General Cortas into “loving” her. And now that his mind has been completely fucked, it’s time for Klaren to also get fucked. 

No, really. This was apparently the “sacrifice” she was supposed to make. 

She was born to do this. Born to sacrifice herself. Her heart, to the king of Xen Ptera. Her daughter, unplanned, had been sacrificed, too.

Now, she would willingly give up her body to the cause.

[...]

They spent the rest of the night together, tangled in the sheets. 

Tangled in her lies.

Now, let me explain how this squicks me out, beyond the obvious. 

Are we supposed to feel ... bad? Feel sad that she’s doing this? Feel bad for her? Because so far, General Cortas/Cyprian has been painted and portrayed as a crusty antagonist who’s out to get out dear Andi and Dex, while every Klaren chapter has been all about how she’s sad and she has to sacrifice herself and how it’s her destiny and how she regrets she can’t stay with her family and all that jazz. We even get an emphasis on how she’s in love with her king and loves her daughter as well.

Like, I know in the end Cyprian dies (spoilers, but I talked about this in my review so) and Klaren only exists in flashbacks, so it’s not like we’re getting redemption arcs for either of them. 

But like, if this is supposed to make me uncomfortable and to be very muddled then I’m honestly impressed. But I doubt it? And I’m very unsettled by the fact that we spend so many chapters moping around with Klaren to sympathize with her and her plight, and I don’t understand why they chose to spend so much time on the backstories of two characters that are either dead or will die in the main timeline in the first place. 

Nexus better answer these questions or else it will just prove Shinsay wrote this because ... No, I don’t think Nexus can justify this, actually. I don’t get why this subplot exists.

SHINSAY WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS

Chapter 38

We’re back with Andi post-argument and she’s in the med bay with Gilly and Lira, and we get an actually pretty nice, quiet moment where the girls try to both care for Andi and give her space. If y’all had focused on this instead of the mind-rape and the mind-control (oh boy I bet these two will have shit to do with each other huh) and the reality TV drama and space wars you defo can’t write it would’ve been a much better and more fun book. 

Anyway, the other girls leave to eat and Andi chooses to remain with Valen and watch over him. Lira drops this on us:

“There’s a fissure in you. I can sense it even from here.” Lira loosed a gentle sigh before explaining her words. But when she did, they sunk like a rock into Andi’s gut. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to choose between forgiveness or hate. And you and I both know which one is harder to live with.”

I know this is in reference to Dex, considering how Andi’s been all quiet and weird after their argument, but honestly? Andi’s looking at Valen’s fucked body and my headcanon is that Lira is actually referring to Andi herself. Think about it. Lira knows what happened. Lira knows Andi still feels like it’s her fault Kalee died. 

And instead of it being another tired “forgiving is better for ur soul than hatred uwu” sentiment, when applied to Andi’s self-hatred, this would be a hard-hitting and genuinely insightful statement from Lira. 

Because self-hatred is harder to live with than self-forgiveness.

But this is Shinsay and I’d be surprised if they thought that far.

Anyway, Andi has yet another flashback to the crash and Kalee’s death and it’s all blood and metal and bla bla bla, we’ve seen this a billion times already. Then it turns out that Valen’s tests come back positive for “abnormalities,” and then he wakes up and is all like “kill meeeeeeeeee” and the chapter ends. 

Riveting. 

Chapter 39

We skip to some time later, I guess? Dex is shirtless and getting his nails painted by Gilly, which is fun. They discuss whether Valen is or isn’t a mutant, and we get this:

“Valen is no different than us,” Andi said to Dex, “and he’s not a mutant. And put on a damned shirt. This is a spaceship, not a pleasure palace.” 

“It used to be both.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, then winced as Andi ripped off one of his boots and launched it at his face.

Y’all really gonna talk about how much sex you used to have when there’s a literal 13-year-old right there in the room with you who’s listening and is a part of this conversation? 

Interesting choice there, Shinsay. Not even a little uncomfortable at all. Just these two adults talking about how they used to fuck while one of them is shirtless.

Andi thinks about how the Marauder used to be a man cave, and yes, that’s what the text says, and how it’s actually beautiful and modern and well-furnished now because they have genuine Adhiran cowhide couches. Then there’s more descriptions of the interior of the ship and I’m extremely bored and wondering why we needed to know the layout of the kitchen or what Alfie was wearing while in said kitchen (it’s a Kiss the Cook apron, btw). 

There’s a little argument about whether Valen is or isn’t a mutant due to his weird blood. It’s completely pointless. 

“Ah-hah!” Alfie’ s head emerged from the cooling unit, frost covering the tip of his oval chin. “I have discovered the source of the smell.” He held up a dripping hunk of green meat, then proceeded to march over to the small ejection site and blast it out into space.

... Right. 

So why do you people have a dedicated trash compartment again? 

All this waffling about brings nothing, as Alfie just cryptically says that Valen’s DNA seems to have changed and that they’ll have to do further tests once Valen’s back home.

Andi thinks about how Gilly does have a soul after all, because Gilly seems excited about having a mutant on board. This book has too many characters considering whether they or someone else they know has a soul or not. I think it’s Shinsay’s way of trying to be deep. 

Andi thinks about how cool her team is and how they got out of Lunamere without issue and how it’s gonna be nice to take a break. Then the ship starts crashing, I guess? 

We gotta throw more forced plot into the narrative because clearly these characters don’t actually have any goals of their own. 

Chapter 40

We’re back with Nor, who’s moping about her backstory and Zahn and Darai again. We find out through math that she’s 26? 

Anyway, remember the prison guard they were gonna test Zenith on? Yeah, she’s dead. Which does indeed confirm that they hadn’t tested it before then. Alrighty. I also don’t get why they test it on their own loyal citizens instead of, you know, the prisoners they have in Lunamere. It just makes so much sense to try to brainwash someone who already loves you into loving you more and risk them dying from this foreign chemical instead of trying to brainwash someone who hates your guts and who wouldn’t be a loss if they died anyway. 

IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE YOU GUYS. 

This time, they are testing it on prisoners, so maybe their “head scientist” (more like two-head scientist amirite fellas) learned their fiking lesson. Ok but then Aclisia says these prisoners are the “first participants in the study” which ... Yeah it doesn’t make sense and I’m pretty sure they’re not participants nor is this a study. 

Then Aclisia says this will be the “final batch.” So ... the Lunamere guard is not classified as a test subject nor a “participant,” and these guys are “participants” but will hopefully be the “first” but also “final” test subjects? 

You’d think having two heads would make for a better scientist.

You’d think having two heads would make for a better writer ...

One of the prisoners calls Nor a “scnav,” which does sound nastier than all the other dumbass curse words they scrapped, and Nor says that they’ll begin testing on that one. 

Aclisia says that “the weapon” is effective on any body part, as long as it comes in contact with the skin and can enter the blood stream. So ... Which one of those? Cuz having both makes no sense. The former sort of makes the other irrelevant. Also, what if an alien creature doesn’t have skin or blood? I guess it’s just universal. Even though they’ve only tested it on one alien species before ... and she died from it.

Flawless worldbuilding, lads. 

We find out that Zenith has the ability to “to enthrall a person or terrify them, depending on how strong their will was” which is ... dumb as hell even before combined with the fact that 1) they haven’t tested it on live subjects until now and 2) it apparently transcends species. And now you’re telling me it will also work differently on different individuals based on their “will?” How is that even quantifiable? And if it is, how did they define it? How did they define something so nebulous so closely, without ANY test subjects, to the point of making this silver goop able to tell apart who has a strong will and who doesn’t?

Whatever. Zenith seems to work and the prisoner now obeys Nor’s every whim.

He lowered his head in an attempt to bow, even with his hands tied.

You don’t need your hands to bow but go off.

The other prisoners get Zenith’d as well.

[Nor] turned to Darai and Zahn with a grin as solid as steel. “My soldiers, it’s time to darken the stars.”

And we got Zenith’d too, my lads.

[howling--fantods]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!! THE MOST PURE, GOOD, AMAZING, SIN-AMON ROLL EVERRRRRRRZ

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh* WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT LAURA! I COULD HONESTLY GO ON FOREVER and anyone who knows me irl knows that when asked about laura or my tumblr buds i will EEEEEE!! and ramble some super sentimental nonsense that comes nowhere close to describing the way i actually feel about laura. but you guys on here all know laura too, and understand what i mean, bc they are honestly the most kind-hearted, truly good human being in the world AND IF ANYONE HURTS THEM I WOULD KILL OKAY!!! but anyways, heres a list of stuff:

laura ACTUALLY LISTENS to my ENDLESS rants about pretty much anything and is one of the few people who doesnt seem to find them tiresome but ACTUALLY CARES and this means the absolute world to me. i love talking to them so much they are the first person i want to tell everything meaningful or exciting or whatever

case in point: laura ACTUALLY LISTENS to me going on and on about graham’s tweets/internet presence to the point where they find them GENUINELY HILARIOUS and at times will post a tweet if i haven’t and is the one who will text me in the morning with a screenshot of his twitter if i have missed something truly essential (the “gramon: i’ve found him” tweet was one of them) AND ONCE WE SKYPED AND LAUGHED AT HIS TWEETS FOR LIKE 2 HOURS and this is not laura’s main fandom or anything this is all cause they love me and listen to me and honestly it means so much to me FEEEELS

laura is my favorite person to talk to about music because they feel just as strongly as i do about the importance of the whole album and how things that are perfect to us are things that are lovely and flawed and human and ZOOROPA MEANS JUST AS MUCH TO THEM AS IT DOES TO MEEEEEEEEEE and they dissect every little detail about what makes it perfect and i love that they love the passengers album and zooropa best bc for years (i’m not even exaggerating YEARS) i wanted to find someone who felt the same way about the mid-90s u2 stuff bc it is so interesting and different and lovely and full of contradictions that make all the best things in the world (including laura themself) and i tear up thinking about how perfect it is that their url is @beachsequence cause that song is literally them BUT ANYWAYS

laura is the one person who i can send really weird shit to and they’ll listen to it and like ACTUALLY LIKE IT!! (that black grape album, omg the fact that laura loves it is everything) and they will send me stuff like brian eno and kraftwerk and it is so cool bc it is so laura and the fact that we can share music with each other is like all i’ve ever wanted in life (OMG THIS POST IS GETTING SUPER EMOTIONAL AHH IM SORRY)

AND OKAY laura makes me laugh so hard and they will write tags and stuff that make me die of laughter and again they are the one person i always want to tell first whenever anything hilarious happens (omg laura listens to me going on about greg so much but like again they love me so they find it funny too)

AND WHEN WE SKYPE WE ALWAYS LISTEN TO MUSIC AND DANCE AND SING AND WE ARE SUCH NERDS BUT IT IS THE BEST

and laura is everything good and smol and adorable and precious and good MY SIGNIFICANT OTTER #LAUREX 4 LYFE

AND THEIR SELFIES I LIKE LITERALLY SHOW TO MY FRIENDS IRL AND AM LIKE LOOOOOOOK AT LAURA LOOOOOOOK HOW PERFECT AND AMZING AND SMOL AND FIERCE LOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!

omg....seriously this isn’t even everything, they are my favorite person in the world honestly, more than graham, they are such a source of light and comfort and joy in my life and it has been over two years now and they have made such a huge difference in my life, and having just graduated like seriously laura, i couldn’t have done it without you i love you so much 

HONEY NUT FEELIOS

[fursuitpursuits]

RT @TheDizziest: Finally the weekend >.< Come snuggle with meeeeeeeeee 😣 https://t.co/YSQhkbOsiA (Source)