#speaking of which ive been at this for like. 10 hours? *i* need to sleep. my eyes are going square. goodnight

[medusapelagia]

Running From The Daylight - Part 15

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8,  Part 9,  Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

This is the last chapter! Thank you so much for staying with me during this journey!

Written for @whumpuary Rating: Mature  Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson  Prompt: You are safe WT: surgery, medical procedures Words:  1102

Despite the dose of caffeine, Eddie must have fallen asleep, because Wayne is shaking his shoulder gently, calling his name.

“Five more minutes…” He murmurs, before remembering where he is and that he is still waiting to have news about Steve.

“Eddie you have to wake up, they are taking Steve to his room.” Wayne insists and Eddie immediately opens his eyes, almost falling from the chair where he was resting.

“Where is he? How… what…” He has a million questions but the words are too difficult to articulate and he can’t put one after the other to make a single sentence that makes sense.

Wayne shrugs “I don’t know. The doctor will speak with us soon and the nurse just informed us that we can go see him if we want. But I want to warn you, he is still under the effect of the anesthesia.”

Eddie nods, stands up quickly, and follows the nurse to Steve’s room. 

His boyfriend is still pale and asleep, but the heart monitor at his side shows a stable rhythm and even if his leg has some long screws in it, it’s still attached to Steve’s body which seems like very good news.

“When will he wake up?” Eddie asks the nurse who shakes her head.

“We don’t know how long it will take, he was pretty weak when he got here so it’s probable that even if the anesthesia wears off he will keep sleeping. His body needs to regain his strength.” Eddie looks at her with such desperation that the nurse immediately adds “But it’s a good thing, resting will help him heal faster.” She tells him with an encouraging smile while checking the IV in Steve’s arm.

Robin, at Eddie’s side, puts an arm around his shoulder, murmuring that everything will be alright, that Steve will wake up in no time and that they should start searching for a black marker to draw a mustache on his sleeping face. 

Eddie chuckles between the tears while the nurse takes Steve's vitals and then leaves the four waiting for the doctor who arrives a few minutes later. He informs them that surgery went well and that they expect a complete recovery in a few months “He will have to rest in bed for at least a couple of weeks, but once the wound is properly healed he could start moving around with some crutches. He will have to do some physiotherapy to regain strength in the leg after we will remove the screws, but luckily nothing was permanently damaged.”

At that news Eddie starts to cry again, murmuring “Thank you, thank you…” While hugging Robin and feeling Wayne’s arm on his back.

Hopper tries to insist that Eddie and Wayne should get a room in a hotel to rest a little, but Eddie refuses and sits on the chair next to Steve’s bed, determined to stay with him at least until his boyfriend wakes up.

“We don’t know how long it will take. Try to be reasonable.” Hopper insists but Eddie it’s adamant and Wayne decides to keep an eye on both his boys while Robin and Hopper go to rest a little: it was a very stressful couple of days for everyone and now that it’s over Robin seems ready to fall asleep at any given moment.

“We will be back in the morning.” Hopper assures them while dragging Robin toward the door and the two men nod. 

***

Eddie has been holding Steve’s hand for hours when he feels something move. He stills and turns toward his boyfriend, trying to detect any possible movements.

"Steve? Stevie?" He calls, trying to get a reaction from him, and after a few moments, Steve's thumb flex a little.

Eddie gets closer, studying Steve's face “Sweetheart? Are you awake?” He tries again, “Steve, love, can you hear me?” he murmurs and this time the chocolate brown eyes of his boyfriend look back at him, confused “Hi love.” Eddie tells him,  kissing his hand, but Steve startles and tries to move and Eddie stops him “You are safe, Steve!” He says, trying to calm him down “You are ok! You are in a hospital! You broke your leg pretty badly but the doctor fixed it and you’ll be fine in no time.” He tries to explain to his confused boy “You are safe.” He repeats, brushing away some hair from Steve’s forehead.

“Ed?” Steve calls, staring at him with his blurry eyes.

“I’m here, baby. Help came and the rescuers brought you to the hospital, but don't worry, you are going to be ok in no time, do you hear me? In no time. Wayne and I will drive you home as soon as they discharge you and Robin and Hopper are here too, you’ll see them in the morning. Oh, and Robin told me that you are not allowed to go on vacation for at least a year.” Eddie keeps talking, knowing that his familiar voice helps soothe Steve who falls asleep again in a few minutes.

“Did he wake up?” Wayne asks, getting in the room with two cups of coffee.

“He did!” Eddie replies with a big smile, “He woke up. Just for a few moments, but he woke up.”

“The nurse said that it might take a bit for him to wake up completely…” Wayne reminds him, offering Eddie one of the two cups.

“I don’t care. I’m in no rush.” Eddie whispers on the skin of his boyfriend, then he turns toward Wayne “I want to ask him to marry me.”

The man coughs, “Eddie… I think you should think about it. I don’t want you to make an important decision like this after what happened.”

“That’s exactly why I have to ask him to marry me!" Eddie insists "I could have lost him, Wayne.” He tries to explain while his mind is still full of fear “And the only thing I could think of it’s that I cannot live without him. That’s why people get married, right? Because they love each other very much, and I love him so much I can’t even explain it in words.”

Wayne hugs him “I know you do, kid, and if you want to marry him just ask him, but maybe wait for him to be a little bit more conscious, uh?”

Eddie nods, still holding Steve’s hand and thinking that if there is a silver lining in the horrible experience that they had is that he has realized that he can’t wait to put a ring on that perfect golden skin.

[crguang]

ok honestly im kinda done w genshin atp, like the story is okay, the whitewashing tho is pissing me off tho, um idk, i like the game play, and also i gotta get to sneznaya or wtv when that comes out. and did u just not like the sumeru characters bc more of them are men.../j i still dont have yelan or arle very sad...they're like top 10 genshin characters for me, i was too broke to pull for them when they were running

ALSO that's not what i meant abt natasha, like as a character shes good and i like her, and her story is good, i dont dislike her, what i meant is that i cant be attracted to her, like idk...bc all the stuff u listed i should like her, so like idk. i dont skip story, i did her sq, so maybe it is just the fact that shes a doctor, like that was how she was presented at first and i just cant look past it ok... my mom was a doctor so i just cant...my mommy issues strike again, and i just dont rlly like doctors in general havent had good experiences w them before, so i cant be attracted to one...idk, like ik shes like way more than that. and i did get a few adds for her so its prob that as well that kind messed with my perception of her at the beginning, the only hsr adds i every got continously was kafkas trailer.

tbh i shouldve realized i liked women when i saw kafka dragging her fingers across a wall wish i was that wall with like her voice in the background and that was what made me decide to play the game. they know what they're doing...

speaking of which i got her other two messages, shes ridiculous, like i cant believe she can just go to a movie theater like that, and her checking up on you...i did scream. shes pathetic... honestly her being into phycological thrillers makes sm sense, so she was def seeing one of those. and i think shes exposing herself bc of both of the reasons you listed (also like it being on a burner acc incase she gets rejected...i obviously wasnt mean to her tho).

honestly im just shy sat okay...thats why im an anon, but it is funny, since we're all reading ur smut, and thirsting over everyone together.

i did sleep i promise, i dont really like taking medicine, again doctor stuff, but i'll been taking some melatonin bc last night it took be 3 and a half hours to sleep and ive been drinking tea and stuff, but ill be going to sleep after this. wish me luck.

-🌠

i also wanted to last until snezhnaya like i remember a few years ago when the first fatui trailer dropped after inazuma and my entire timeline went crazyyyy, people who didn’t play the game anymore got back into it just for the fatui like they really united everyone… but since the characters and stories dont do anything for me now i personally never feel like playing. and yes i actually was so bored with sumeru because im not interested in men at all dhfjgkgk but also the whitewashing there pissed me off and how they nerfed dehya and made her a horrible standard character was so annoying like i didnt pull for a single sumeru character 😭 arle/yelan is an insane duo, my yelan is great cause shes been my main for years so she doesn’t need anyone but adding arle is just cheating fr. look at my favs beefing (clorinde was there for the friendship points😪)

i thought you disliked nat because you said your friend thought you disliked her bc she was a doctor, but it makes sense if you’ve had bad experiences with healthcare professionals and are reminded of them when you see doctors. personally i love when people who work in healthcare actually care about the patients they have because it’s quite literally life saving and sooo many of them dont give a fuck, that’s why i adore natasha a lot. it’s totally fine if you’re not attracted to her, you don’t have to be!

kafka’s trailer changed my brain chemistry and i can recite it by heart from how often ive watched it. they definitely knew what they were doing especially with these shots like can i please be that guy… i’ll take the bullet too idgaf. AND YES THE MOVIE THEATER SHES SUCH A LOSERRR, THE “my life is an action movie btw lol haha” when the tb says they like action films is so ridiculous. i need to look up her other answers but when she said the action movies lacked immersion i pat myself on the back for writing that she likes psychological thrillers over horror or any other genre like i know her for real… im literally inside her head.

im glad youre sleeping even if it takes a little while!! hopefully your internal clock stops messing woth you and allows you to get some good rest

[goremet-chef]

just found someone who makes monster hunter lego builds do NOT speak to me im. this. GRGRGRG

anyways heres some gifs i have of monsters cuz im in love with this series forever and always (super long ramble SFJKS ive been writing this for hours)

odogaron + ebony odo is like.... you dont understand. thats me i kin so many monsters from MH its insane like.. thats literally me nothing reflects me better LOOK AT THEM. rathalos, odogaron, nargacuga like any red scary thing i resonate with deep in my soul its insane

this one is one of my headmates favorites. shrieking legi really came thru when he was having a bad time and i love this for him. ITS JUST LIKE... so many of the monsters resonate with us on such personal levels, that its hard to even explain. i am selfish, and i do view monster hunter as my game (got that autism special) like these are my creatures they were made for me

REAL TALK THO, these two were genuinely actually made for me look at this shit

unknown (black flying wyvern) and valstrax my beloveds. fucking god tier

the fact that i already resonate with the rathalos so hard, and it turns out theres a black and red edgier cool version of it/????like are you insane when i discovered this thing i was. SO UNWELL IN MY CHANNEL ON DISCORD i literally rambled about it for AN HOUR STRAIGHT. then when i found out about valstrax i rambled about that one for an hour too SKFJS like wow they are so cool. autism is real

also have this one, xeno'jiiva is so. MHW was my first MH game (say what you will) and god damn. im gonna be real idk if id be so into it if it wasnt for MHW, cuz like.... the main appeal of the entire game series to me is the monsters themselves. like im. when i first started i was TOO SCARED TO FIGHT THE GREAT JAGRAS (yknow. the first large monster you fight 😭😭 like the 3rd quest. insane) because ive never been into fighting games and having something large PURSUE ME didnt sound pleasant

crazy that i went from being too scared to play it again to LITERALLY playing for 72 hours almost STRAIGHT with minimal pee and sleep breaks, and giving myself carpal fucking tunnel cuz i was just. obsessed. AUTISM IS REAL

went from couldnt stand 10 minutes of it to 400 hours in game SKFJSD

and i would do it again bitch!!!

so what im SAYING. alright. is that im not a fighter in games (well NOW i am, but before i super wasnt) but what drew me in was how i could just.. watch. how i could see all the big scary monsters sleep and eat and walk around and fight eachother. how i could get their tracks, listen to their sounds, ETC. like it was so. IT WAS THRILLING and ive never been more in love

like for context my first special interest is fnaf and i wouldnt be anything like myself if i never got into fnaf like life changing shit. but i gotta say, i mean. ive played the fnaf games and i love the story and EVERYTHING this is not a diss on my first home!!!! but i played MHW to the point of exhaustion, to where i needed to have an arm brace and even then despite the HORRIBLE PAIN in my wrist, i still kept playing

i played so much i literally managed to rub the s and w letters of my siblings keyboard KSJFSF like it was for real. i miss that, like a lot. i dont play as much anymore because i mean. i have it on my laptop. my laptop is a gaming laptop and it can run!! but its better for my

yknow i dont think i have an actual reason and im literally about to cry thinking about it SKFSFJ the good computer with the good graphics and running is my siblings and id need permission, yknow how it is. PLUS im a bit stuck? i need an urugaan ruby for my barioth mission lmao but ill get there

monster hunter world is so beautiful. the environments are fucking stunning, the visual upgrade for the monsters was INSANE and just watching them be animals? it brings me so much joy KSJSJSJ

one of my favorites is the rotten vale, which is funny cuz i remember the first time i ever went there i was so. PARANOID. i use sound with pretty much everything i play since my eyes might not track everything thats happening, so hearing the ambience for the vale freaked me out so much, i stayedat the camp for SO LONG and good thing too cuz the radobaan makes its way down that path and i was shook SKFJSF

also the big fucking dalamadur skeleton in the vale is so. UGHHHH

i love horror and rot and decay!!! its frightening its unsettling but even still the vale is such a necessary part of the ecosystem!!! like wow monsters come there to DIE? are youINSANE

(dalamadur is like one of the biggest monsters for reference. the whole upper part of the vale is made of its skeleton cuz its a big snake its so UGHHH)

also the???? STOMACH ACID POOL?

they were cooking bro,,,,, such a gorgeous and unsettling environment goddd

like GOD i cant think of anything better, the story for MHW is so good man. the tracker said "its an ecological marvel" and i took that personally (i repeat that so much about random shit its not even funny how long ive been doing that for)

or how like... any of the docile monsters (tobi kadachi, banbaro, kulu ya ku, ETC) i genuinely if i go on expedition, and i see theres a docile monster in one of the locales, ill go there and just follow them around the ENTIRE TIME SFKSFS

heres SEVERAL pics of me with banbaros at different times KSJFS

that isnt even all of them with JUST banbaro 💀💀💀 its my favorite activity

and sometimes i get hit with the banbaro / nightshade paolumu / coral pukei combo!!!! thats a triple docile whammy!!!!! thriving

also heres a cute viper tobi shot :] love viper tobi

also also i cant believe i never said anything yet but VAAL HAZAK??? my actual liege look at this mf

MY LORD!!! vaal is so fucking cool man. and the KICKER??? DOCILE

whenever i do this quest i do just follow it around for a while (which. ive had to do this quest A LOT cuz i thought i get vitality crystals from it (yknow cuz i got some from it) so i have probably 100% killed more vaal hazak than any of the other elder dragons SKFJSF

vaal hazak is so cool cuz its covered in rotten meat and uses the effluvium (corpse gas) as its like. life source. it pulls excess effluvium from the vale into itself and expels it when theres not enough, so its keeping the ecosystem tame its so cool UGHH

also one of its moves it plays dead its so fucked up itll fall over like you've knocked it over and then just lay there but you hear its inhale and it looks up and BLASTS YOU with its effluvia gas beam (WHICH. THAT THING HURTS!!!!!! for real the effluvium attack is so. plus it also halves yr health? like if vaal hits you with that shit itll give you miasma or whatever and it HALFS YR HEALTH BAR and you gotta eat a nulberry to negate it

im not one for switching shit around in my like item bar tho (MAINLY cuz most the time ive played MHW was with my siblings mouse and its scroll bare was broken so swapping items was hard) so i just put on like 3 effluvia resistance gems and it cant give me miasma. problem solved SKFSJF

i did get so tired of fighting it cuz yknw its a hard fight its an elder dragon, but i will say like the MUSIC? thats one of the things like. when we fought megan in the forest, they gave us battle music and THAT is why i kicked ass and abandoned all my fear, monster hunter instincts kicked in and i tanked alright like it was NOTHING, battle music just hits different

vaal hazak theme is so fucking good!!!! "keeper of hades" ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND????? i cant believe this shit!!!!!!!!

monster hunter stop being the coolest franchise ever challenge KSFJSF

i did do vaal hazak fight with no music before cuz i was trying to see and. THE MUSIC DOES SO MUCH? literally there was like no adrenaline without the music it was just. :| oh. im in the vale. thats the dragon. hes gonna breath attack. okay LIKE IT WAS SO LACK LUSTER IT WAS INSANE

i never realized how much the music did for fights but its so.. vital bro like it gets you in the fighting mood it compliments the monster and the area its !!!GRAAAAHHHH

monster hunter soundtrack is literally so fucking good. BANGERS back to back literally every song is so fucking cracked its epic

dont even get me STARTED on "proof of a hero" that song makes me stim so fucking hard man it makes me feel so fucking good. my sibling made his ringtone for me that song and AUGHHH crying sobbing

like yeah this is proof that im a hero!!! literally makes me feel so proud and FOR WHATTTT

idk im such a firm believer in the importance of sound design, sound design is EVERYTHINGGG and MH does such a good job with that shit, the monster roars and environmental ambience, audio cues to what attack is gonna happen, the music its all. perfect 10/10 godtier shit

anyways this is my monster hunter ramble, it most likely will happen again. love this game with all my heart

[spookfished]

kades big media roundup (august)

hiii! like i said in my last post i spent a big portion of august being sick :| which involved spending like a Lot of the time sitting around playing pikmin 4, going "oh i think im thinking so hard about pikmin that its making me more tired?" and then playing more pikmin anyways. i 100%d this game guys it was so serious

books/comics/written media: paladins strength by ursula vernon: this is part of the saints of iron series, but i dont think context from the other books is really needed! romantasy/murder mystery about a nun and a paladin travelling together to the city by chance… they both have their own agendas but something draws them together 0///0 i found this really fun!! may have too much blood and guts for a pure romance fan but its very sort of pragmatic and down to earth in that ursula vernon way. nice dynamic between the leads, had a delightfully creepy (and sad!) antagonist and wrapped up threads from the previous book very nicely. would recommend 👍

in other words by jhumpa lahiri: semi autobiographical literary fiction about a (pulitzer winning) author who decides to move to italy and start writing exclusively in italian. (its translated!) hmmm as someone who also really loves languages but also doesnt really have the resources or desire to do something like. move to a different country (i mean maybe!) and only speak and write in that language from now on (probably not), it was a really interesting perspective. i was sort of put off by her attitude towards bengali but the whole "triangle of languages" theory makes sense… the writer is very straightforward and honest feeling in a way thats almost irritating sometimes but i think thats how a lot of artists are. and the concept alone is still very interesting.. lol anyways its a very short read so id still recommend 👍

the twisted ones by ursula vernon: horror. a woman is tasked with cleaning out her late hoarder grandmothers' house, located in rural north carolina. this was ursula vernons first horror book, i think! i was a little disappointed bc this wasnt very scary, exactly--but i feel like ive also been learning that even if i startle easily, my horror threshhold is actually very high……? i ended up liking what moves the dead more (it was scarier!) but this still had a fun cast of characters. still worth a read though :3 i enjoyed it

dungeon meshi by ryoko kui(catchup): manga about a group of adventurers looking for their lost friend. stuck in the dungeon for months on end, they resort to eating monsters! ohhhhh my god drags down myface dungeon meshi is literally one of the best manga out there and im glad everyone recognizes this. its about desire and need and the way unfulfilled desires is what propels our lives forward and gives them meaning and also how its SUPER IMPORTANT TO GET 3 NUTRITIOUS MEALS AND SLEEP 8 HOURS and all that. lol. phenomenal art i cant help but think that ryoko kui draws women as only a lesbian can..? highly recommend 👍

witch hat atelier by kamome shirahama(catchup): coming of age/fantasy manga--a girl discovers the secret behind the magic that powers her world. she's determined to use it to save her mother, but it may bring a heavy price--or maybe not at all…? like vita nostra (which i read last month!), this is also a book about learning magic that focuses heavily on pedagogy itself (which in this case is also a direct parallel to learning about art/drawing!). however, unlike vita nostra the characters are more like 10-11, and so it also takes a much more gentle and compassionate approach to how we should learn. but it also tackles some really interesting themes about restriction of information, and if said info should be restricted and why! and sort of digging deeper into the idea of "a secret hidden from the normal world". the art is soooo gorgeous i think its all done by hand? looks like a picture book can honestly get a bit overwhelming. highly recommend 👍

bloom into you: f/f manga about a girl who has never fallen in love, and a girl who never wants to be loved. bloom into you is one of those Yuri Classics that i enjoyed a lot as someone who has complicated feelings about romance :3 theres that really interesting quote thats like "love isnt about wanting someone to change or stay the same. when i say 'i love you,' its an expression of faith that even as you change, youll always be the person i adore"….. very interesting! also the sort of idea that you cant 'no true scotsman' love--you can just decide that you love someone, and then you do? kind of? anyways i thought it was pretty interesting :3

beastars: coming of age manga, set in a world kinda like zootopia but if someone thought about it way more. legosi, a large grey wolf struggles with distinguishing between his carnal desires and his, uh, carnivorous desires. ok EYE really liked it but also i think it handles a lot of themes really weirdly… maybe this is because legosi is just really fucking weird (this is definitely part of it) but in many ways beastars portrays the split between men and women as being even more uncrossable than the split between herbivores and carnivores.. which to me was surprising since the manga itself is written by a woman? definitely look up a TW list if youre planning on reading lol. it definitely has some of the best "what if animals lol" worldbuilding out there. i had louis/legosi/haru ot3 in my heart the whole way through LOL but i, uh, dont really think legosi and haru work as a couple just by themselves .. also the gaybait in here is crazy. i think past the midway or maybe 3/4 point it kinda starts to lose focus, but it still had a lot of compelling drama. yayyy louis beastars i think more theater kids should go through unbelievable self-inflicted pain

beast complex: anthology about the surrounding stories of the ppl of beastars. SO fun many people agree that the best part of beastars was the worldbuilding and this was basically all that. very fun :3

surviving romance: horror/adventure? chaerin wants nothing more than to live her fated fairy-tale life--so much so that people other than her love interest appear as nothing more than extras. one day ZOMBIES ATTACK!!!!11! very fun :33 maybe this is just me but is meta stuff getting more popular because of orv…? its not doing it as well ngl but still entertaining. chaerin trying to gain the trust of ppl that she originally didnt gaf about is fun

video games: pikmin 4: pikmin 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its a game about being 1 inch tall and controlling your hordes of small creatures (pikmin) to gather things like fruits. i think i bought this when i was sick because i saw a post that was like "pikmin cured my executive function" lol everyone who plays pikmin doesnt fucking shut up about what an indie gem it is but theyre kinda right………pikmin is really good…. its all about finding beauty and joy in the small intricacies of this wide world……i know some people were annoyed by the story parts but i thought it was cute idk :] and oatchi was there . recommend if you like games like starcraft or if you like watching ants carry around a giant caterpillar

movies: farewell my concubine: coming of age/literary/tragedy/historical/??? its a wong kar wai movie. dieyi has nothing in his life but the stage, where he plays as the faithful concubine to a doomed king. his life offstage is much more fraught. i would dearly love to read any articles or things about this movie so if you got anything come find me? ALSO if you have the forbidden cancelled broadway adaption script please let me know. im so curious. ok so its a wong kar wai movie so everyone knows its crazy good already. did watch it when i was sick so not super coherent ideas about it but its like omggggg dieyiii hes so doomed. the way it integrated with history was also interesting (i kinda cant believe someone made a rakugo-based adaptaiton of this. bro it doesnt WORK like that) its really interesting that like dieyis single point of friction between himself and consort yu is his gender.. but that constant emasculation is also what allows him to be so unique in theater and have a special bond w xiaolou.. man well it really was a movie. i want to see it again in a couple months maybe..? its about performance and gender and Performance of Gender and sexuality and cyclical violence and art during a time of strife and art as apolitical and also art as very political. and also a lot of other stuff. very awesome

we are the tigers: thriller musical about a terrible group of cheerleaders coming together for the first meeting of the year. and bad shit happens!!! omg i love girls who kill. and girls who kill each other i dont think this was particularly deep or anything but i enjoyed it :3

nope: horror movie about oj and em, two siblings struggling to keep their stunt horse business running after their father dies. ok well like above its a jordan peele movie so of course its very good. scary as well! i loved the themes… i went back to when ppl were talkingabout the movie to see what people said! ngl i kinda thought jupe was going to have a bigger part in the movie but he was cool as he was. idk it was just very enjoyable and had a lot of things to think about. the idea of spectacle and like.. tragedy-voyeurism are something thats really important to examine closely in times like these i think?

when harry met sally: ROMCOM YAYY about a man and a woman meeting each other across multiple periods of their life. literally one of the only romcoms i can remember my dad openly admit to liking it really deserves the hype. its so heartfelt and sweet and genuinely funny and the character development is so good. its like gay people for straight people

how to lose a man in 10 days: romcom about a guy who thinks he can make any girl fall in love vs a girl who is trying to give the worst dating experience possible. um well it was ok? i only really felt the chemistry between the main leads in a couple of scenes (like when she visits his home) it wasnt really funny or romantic enough..? especially given that most of the humor was predicated on LOL LOOK HOW SHITTY AND CONTROLLING GFS CAN BE which is like ok fine. whatever. idk it was ok

annihilation: horror about a group of scientists who go into a unsettling area to see whats wrong with it.. um well i read the book first and i had heard that this was a pretty good adaptation ? a la howls moving castle book vs movie. i thought it was pretty good? but WAY more focused on the horror stuff than the book, and also (bc its a movie) not really able to focus on the characters interiorities as much..? and also like the way the characters slowly lose it in weird ways and their dynamic frays was one of the cooler parts of annihilation (book) to me. i think at the time having queer characters and characters of color and a cast comprised almost entirely of women was a pretty big deal though i think i heard a lot about it on tumblr lol. its hard not to nitpick on lots of details but i thought it was pretty good overall! a lot of the differences that i didnt like that much made sense as a migration from book->movie--like for example if theyd made the mc as cold and unfeeling it would have been harder to have her be a sympathetic movie protagonist. i thought the infidelity plot w the professor was kind of a timewaster though . anyways still recommend 👍

blue beetle: action movie about a guy whos blue and a beetle. i liked this a surprising amount but i also saw it with friends. the first half of the movie is kinda better than the first also being a tokusatsu fan makes me go "wow this would be so much better if it was with suit actors" lol but the first half of the movie was sooo fun i think also had a really good depiction of a genttrifying city which i enjoyed

oppenheimer: historical drama about that one guy. copy pasting my thoughts from discord: even my dad who liked the movie more was like wow… this movie was kinda too long idk i think it was like technically cool in terms of like imagery and sound and actgin and stuff. but i like wasnt really moved LOL. christopher nolan is playing a little game where i have to recognize as many white men in sequence as possible and im going to be real i can manage maybe like 3? also the whole outer shell plot with strauss and misha collins (EDIT: it was not misha collins) who literally unironically said "youre the god of shadows now" (????) was like. um well this is really intricate but also i dont really care…? like am i supposed to have a stake in this…..? and sort of the intertwining of that story combined w the creation of the atomic bomb was like kinda so-so (my inability to tell faces didnt help w this) it was fine but not really my kind of movie. omg i did like the part with like all the thundering applause and stuff but it blows up there was this part where they kept on being like omg the X incident. all this stuff happened with X and i was like wow what is it….. turns out it was literally referring to a recurring character that i neither remembered nor could recognize. sad

us: horror movie about doubles. YESSS SO FUCKING SCARY i watched this on the airplane to school and the old lady sitting next to me had to watch me hyperventilating and clutching my chest and the whole nine yards. definitely the scariest jordan peele movie. man and the twist at the end was so freaking good. i think its the scariest because the danger is so there, and so immediate, but the beginning part of the movie actually succeeded (for me?) in getting you to be invested in the characters as well. i was wondering if maybe the doubles were also supposed to be connected to like ideas of caricature about black people..? it leaves just enough unanswered that youre still scared. and the questions that do get answered leave you with………THE HORRIFYING TRUTH!! god what a good movie

moonlight: coming of age about a boy who struggles with being black and gay during the crack epidemic of the 80s/90s. < sorry if this isnt a good summary i remember this was a pretty important film when it came out.. i watched part of it a couple years ago and then just remembered to finish this month. its a good movie… you kinda just sit with it yk. hm i (obviously?) dont have a lot of experience with black masculinity but i thought it was interesting how vulnerability can be like taken away from you or you can withhold it from yourself..and that can feel or even be really powerful! but its also like never too late to do that until youre dead. waves my hands around

thanks if you got to the end of this :3 stg ive had like 5 books on loan that ive had on loan for several months by now? idk if ill be able to get to them now (its the beginning of the school year..) but hopefully. i will do that soon. me n neil are sort of planning to get into "film bro movies" were watching the shining soon im very excited. see you later!

[4emfox]

"Have a nice break!"

There was a light knock on the door. My senses were in Mom Mode since the birth of my daughter less than 12 hours earlier so I immediately opened my eyes and let out a groggy, “come in” — my daughter still sleeping peacefully beside me.

The night shift nurse stepped into my room and asked if I’d prefer to have my catheter removed at midnight (in a few minutes) or 4am.

“Let’s wait until 4am. I’m not quite ready to sit up,” I said as I felt the heaviness in my abdomen from just having multiple layers sliced open to welcome my precious daughter into the world.

Knowing my daughter was waking up every 1.5–2 hours to eat, the nurse came in a little later around 4:30am to give me a pinch of extra time to sleep after her last feeding.

“Ok, this is going to hurt a little but it’s quick. Take a deep breath in…” I obeyed as she pulled the catheter tube out of my body — the sensation made it feel as though I had a urinary tract infection.

“Ok, now I need you to sit up and we’ll try to walk to the bathroom.” The bathroom was almost within arm’s length of where I was laying but I was dreading the journey to get there. First, sitting up…then standing…then walking…

The nurse bore down and gave me her arm to help me sit up. I gripped her hard as I tried to lift my broken body. My husband, who had been sleeping soundly in a chair next to me, began to sit up protectively as he saw me struggle. “Can I help?”

“Maybe. But let me try first,” I said as I clung to the nurse with my right arm and used my left arm to push off the bed behind me in an attempt to use as little abdominal strength as possible.

It felt like 10 minutes, but I was finally sitting up on the edge of my hospital bed with my feet on the floor — grateful that I hadn’t ripped open during my journey to get this far.

“You ready to walk?”

Still holding onto the nurse, I began to stand and said, “I think so.”

I slowly moved one foot in front of the other, and in what felt like another 10 minutes, I had shuffled to the bathroom, hunched over from the pulling in my internal and external sutures.

The nurse then instructed me to try to use the bathroom to make sure everything was working correctly. She gave me a water bottle to squirt myself off to ensure I was staying clean and mitigating the risk of infection. The toilet filled with blood. Glamorous — and this was normal.

With my IV still in, I finished what seemed like an impossible task then gripped the bar next to the toilet to help me stand. Slowly but surely, I was on my feet and shuffling back to bed, still hunched.

The whole ordeal felt like 30 minutes — but I had done it. And I was proud that I had moved much sooner after this c-section than after my first c-section with my son.

My husband had watched in horror the whole time. The extra help from the nurse, the struggle to rise, the struggle to walk, the blood-filled toilet, then the walk back to my bed…and then finally, the struggle to lay down without using too much abdominal strength. Was it really that bad?? Was all that extra help really necessary?? Yes — and then some.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Have a nice break.” The phrase left a sting in my ear as my head finally hit the pillow. I was exhausted, out of breath, nauseous, and felt completely broken and helpless. But, to some, I was on a “break”. A “nice” one, even.

I know they mean well. I know they are trying to tell me to enjoy the time with my daughter, uninterrupted by work. But words are powerful. Words also reveal the perceptions and belief narratives of the people speaking them. Calling this a break is akin to calling a car accident with multiple injuries a party. Apples and oranges — er, mai tais and sutures. So starkly different, they can’t be compared. Referring to maternity leave as a break minimizes what is actually happening during this time (which further undermines what women go through and how they are treated in this country and in the workforce…a conversation for another day — but think unequal pay, less women in management, and the overturning of Roe V. Wade). Calling this a break fills me with resentment. And that’s an understatement. I mean, when in any other circumstance is someone who has just undergone major medical trauma told to “enjoy” their “break”??

For fuck’s sake…I’m paying more than $5k for out of pocket medical expenses right now. On top of paying for my insurance premiums because I’ve chosen to take all 12 weeks of FMLA when my company only provides 6 weeks of paid leave — so they’re no longer paying my premiums until I get back to work. AND THAT’S CONSIDERED PROGRESSIVE (ahem, in the United States). All while trying daily for several weeks since my daughter has been born to put her to sleep when she has acid in her esophagus from reflux. No one is sleeping — while I’m healing from medical trauma…on my “break”. My experience isn’t uncommon; in fact, it’s very much the norm.

I’d love to be drinking umbrella drinks on the beach, doing yoga daily, reading all the books — fuck, I’d love to be able to take my daughter on daily walks but she hates the car seat/stroller. But here we are — scarred, engorged, stressed, and exhausted.

The framing of words is important and helps us understand — at a subconscious level — the world around us. Call maternity leave what it is — not a break — but one of the most significant life-altering adjustments that anyone will go through during their lifetime. With or without medical trauma.

According to the government, women should be ready to roll after 12 weeks of job protection and no pay (and believe fathers don’t need to go through this adjustment… Perpetuating old ideas about mothers being the caregivers and fathers being the providers. Traditional families — think Leave it to Beaver — are a thing of the past. Most of us don’t live like that anymore and fathers are going through the same adjustment — sans any acceptable time away from the office. And what happens when TWO fathers are involved?? But I digress…)

And employers* can be worse.

*For example, given what I did to take 12 weeks with my daughter, I have no available time to take a break or get sick for the next 6 months when my vacation and sick time will renew — because I had a baby.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

We were released from the hospital two days later, though I would have liked the help of the nurses at least one more day. Ahem, but healthcare in our country is too expensive for that (another conversation for another time).

The panic for the first two weeks after we got home was intense for two reasons.

Firstly, my daughter would wake to eat…and I would struggle to quickly sit up due to the urgency of her cries while trying to manage the pain and lack of strength in my abdomen. Often, my husband would wake up and try to help me up or hand her to me. One night in particular, I really struggled to rise (with his help). I felt the sense of failure bubble up from a dark place. I felt unable to care for my daughter in the way I had wanted to — expected to. Falling back on the pillow, I had to take a deep breath to keep from crying. I was embarrassed. A failure. A bad mom. (Of course that wasn’t true…but you try telling that to a new mom at 2 in the morning one week postpartum).

The second reason, postpartum hormones are a bitch. With my son, I felt the baby blues for about a week and a half — feeling sad, depressed, and inadequate as a mom with a colicky baby. This time around, my anxiety was off the charts. I couldn’t relax. Everything was a threat to her and my thoughts about her safety made me think of very ugly worst case scenarios. These thoughts were intrusive and graphic, bordering on obsessive.

My “break” consisted of organizing my daughter’s room, getting the older kids ready for the new school year, breastfeeding around the clock, waking up for feeds in the middle of the night (still happens but I gotta go back to work), panicking when we couldn’t figure out why she was crying when all of her needs had been met (still happens), healing from a c-section (still happening), finding out she had reflux (she still has reflux), and all of us (myself, husband, son, and stepdaughter) adjusting to new schedules, routines, and shifts in relationships — that we’re supposed to magically adjust to in a mere 6–12 weeks — and for some folks, even less time is available. Pffft.

Lemme say it again — maternity leave is not a break. But one of the most significant life-altering adjustments that anyone will go through. We. Need. More. (PAID, WORK-PROTECTED) Time.

What does this look like??

This looks like giving new PARENTS at least 14 weeks of PAID leave with the guarantee that their job will be waiting for them when they return. Wanna be even more progressive? Provide at least 6 months. Not only does this make temp hiring easier (due to more longevity in the role), it gives parents more time to heal (when applicable) and adjust/reset before returning to work. This benefits parents, the baby(ies), AND the company. Do you want your employees to be more refreshed? More engaged? More grateful for you and therefore, more loyal?? Take care of ‘em.

This looks like providing flexible schedules to those who are breastfeeding. Maybe that means a slower return to work (working part time at first, for example) or time blocks on calendars (completely uninterrupted) to sustain the life of a child, or a better place to pump (a REAL Nursing Room — not a closet) while at work. And let’s not expect them to travel for more than 1–2 days so they can continue to breastfeed their child and not have to pump and dump on the road. AND…be understanding when they have to leave a long meeting or training to pump.

This looks like NOT requiring parents to use up extra sick leave and vacation time during their leave. (Providing ample time for leave will mitigate this problem).

This looks like HR ensuring that the company continues to pay for insurance premiums even if the parent’s paid time is up (ahem…but if the company is providing ample time, this shouldn’t be a problem).

This looks like planning in advance for temp work, if needed. (Our UK and European counterparts have figured this out… Why can’t we??)

This looks like being understanding and supportive of new parents when their kids are home due to vacation or illness.

This looks like ensuring that the employee’s promotability and potential salary are not impacted by a short leave of absence. If their work output stays the same, why should a small gap in their work determine their promotability or salary??

This looks like providing ALL NEW PARENTS with EQUAL family leave time. Maternity/Paternity Leave are officially outdated. It’s time to provide a blanket FAMILY LEAVE to be inclusive of all types of families. This ensures that old ideals aren’t perpetuated and is inclusive of non-traditional families. Do you know what would have really helped me during my leave? If my husband had leave so we could both focus on and bond with the baby. Instead, he has assumed the role of “employee” and I have assumed the role of “caregiver”. This naturally puts the pressure on me as the caregiver EVEN WHEN I AM BACK AT WORK. Even though I make twice his salary. That’s a lot of pressure and I am currently trying to groom him into being a Stay At Home Dad.

We were all children once. We all have parents (guardians). A lot of us ARE parents. It’s time to give parents the respect they deserve — because this is a position in society that ALL of us understand and have substantial experience with. Hilarious that we all started jobs then were like, “Fuck parents!” despite our experience.

Ready for me to say it again? Family Leave is not a break. It’s a significant life-altering adjustment. Let’s treat it like it is and provide new parents with actual, tangible support.

And for those of you who are saying, “then don’t have children” — this is capitalism, bro. We’re creating more people for the workforce [shrugs shoulders]…

[lonelyusersuggetions]

Im sick. Physically there is something wrong with me. This isn't a mental issue, for Once.

Something is wrong with an organ, I don't know which one but things are fucked.

I'm super weak all over, I wasn't in good shape but I could still endure standing for long periods of time just fine. I can't now. I'm a dehydration risk, I sweat a lot and I'm not retaining water well. I'm sleeping but not really getting any sleep when I do. Average 4-5 hours of actual unconsciousness. (Fitbit helping me track for some time). And I'm dropping weight really suddenly really quickly. I've lost 10 pounds very suddenly without a lifestyle change. I'm below a weight I haven't been below since I put it on during COVID 2020. I've been around the same weight consistently since 2021 with not going below a certain weight, that I've already passed by 7 pounds in a very short time period.

I think one of the fucked up things is that I hope I'm too far now to live. My parents told me I'm faking it, that it's my diet. I've not changed how I eat, and yet I'm shedding the pounds rapidly!

My mom literally took me to the ER because I was literally dying of dehydration and knew I was not right, and that whole car ride she berated me and told me I'm not that bad and full of shit. And mind you, she dropped me off. She left me alone at the ER when I could barely stand, walk, or speak coherently due to dehydration. The intake nurse heard me say to the receptionist that I'm a bit unsteady and as soon as he saw me he got up to get me a wheelchair. I stayed sat in that chair for 2 hours until I was halfway through the IV fluid drip and I suddenly was feeling like a person again. The hospital staff and the doctor said it was very visibly apparently something was wrong with me.

My mom called the hospital on hour 3,when I wasn't answering her texts or single call to ask what was going on with me. She literally was trying to get information on her adult child in the hospital who she LEFT THERE ALONE and TOLD THAT THEY WEREN'T SERIOUS. And insisted on the phone to me that she 100 was in the right to call the hospital and demand my information.

I have no friends. If I was amab I would be an incel probably. I'm too pathetic to be hateful of anyone except myself. I haven't been able to ever follow through with attempts due to fear of pain and suffering, despite having no fear of death.

I really hope that this is killing me. That it's too late. That it's cancer, like I suspect it is, and we let it go to many months and now I have a low chance of survival even with treatment, which I would definitely not survive chemo, since you need a loving and supportive system at home to get you through it. Nobody around me can stand me and I can't stand myself. God I hope I'm finally dying. I hope I leave a horrific emotional scar in my mother, the abusive cow.

[soracities]

i read very irregularly, ive been reading siddhartha for a while (i know its such a short book but im almost done lol) and i’m really disappointed that i cant really seem to make myself pick up my book and actually read it. there are so many books i want to read, and i dont want to keep procrastinating, and to keep scrolling mindlessly on instagram or something. do you have any tips for how to make reading into a habit??

i’ve liked so much of your book recommendation posts for the sake of reading them ;(

very sorry for the delay in getting to this. i think the first thing to grapple with here and probably the hardest part about making reading a habit especially if you’re trying to come off from social media is the reality that spending less time scrolling on instagram will be very, very hard at first and you need to be prepared for that; you’re going to feel yourself drawn to it constantly because that is the habit your brain has built for itself and the hardest part may be resisting that urge in the first place. identifying when you do most of your scrolling, and rerouting that time instead towards 20 or 15 minutes or reading and, crucially, sticking with it might be the best thing especially if you can put up additional obstacles to divert the urge towards something else; i tend to scroll a lot in the evening but i downloaded the forest app after @engulfes mentioned it and it makes a huge difference for me personally. you don’t have to quit outright (what worked best for me was setting aside days when i wouldn’t use social media but i’m the kind of person who responds best to cold turkey approaches and i know that’s not for everyone)--you can work and read in gradually increasing increments if it makes you more likely to stick to the routine so even just leaving your phone in another room or far away from you and dedicating half an hour or so to reading before bed can help as long as, once again, you stick to it. (it might even help, if you are reading before bed to make an entire ritual before bed that doesn’t feature your phone at all--make a cup of tea, change your clothes, shower or whatever your routine normally looks like, take out your book before you sleep, etc -- however you can fit your reading in as naturally as possible within a larger routine, or even just constantly bring a book with you when you’re on or waiting for transport, or even just in the kitchen waiting for something to cook)

once you set aside time for your reading there are different ways to structure it depending on what suits you best: @pearblossomtree described a really good method whereby you set a number for yourself, such as 20 or 30 for example, and give yourself the option of reading 20 or 30 pages or reading for 20 or 30 minutes (or whatever number is most doable for you) which is incredibly helpful. you can also try the 5-Minute Method where you sit and read for 5 minutes straight without distractions. once your 5 minutes are up, you set yourself another 5 minutes, and when those are up you go for another 5 until you’ve done four or five cycles. you can even split those cycles up throughout the day: two or three cycles in the morning, for example, and then the same mount in the afternoon, or another round in the evening--most of the time, i think, you often find that you go over the time without realising, especially if you stick with it long enough to allow your attention span to grow and focus for longer.

while i know there are always so many amazing-sounding books to read and discover i do think it is also very important for you to really limit your choices; if you spend too much time worrying about or looking at everything you feel you have to read then you will very easily overwhelm yourself to the point of not reading at all. our brains are physically incapable of handling anything beyond 10 options at most so focus instead on a small handful of books that genuinely speak to you and that you know you will enjoy or look forward to. if there are six books you’re really drawn to, break them into three groups of two: once you finish one group, move on to the next one, and so on, and when you’re done choose your next six. don’t worry about reading lists or yearly reading goals or achieving a certain number of finished books--just focus on your group and your group only and keep going with it.

also worth noting i think, is that some books, even when they're short, require a kind of sustained attention or concentration either because of the language or the content, that is at odds with their length so they will, inevitably, take longer than you expect to finish; this is simply to say that, if you find yourself spending a lot of time with a short book, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing (and i think some of hesse's novels would probably come into that category which is why, if you’re just starting to read more or trying to read more while coming off of social media, i would recommend to not always go straight into (most) of the classics if you’re not already familiar with them or don’t already know you enjoy them, simply because adjusting to the language after having your attention fragmented by places like instagram makes sticking with the reading immensely difficult and you’re more likely to abandon it). to me, the most important thing in coming back to reading or delving into reading more is to put your pleasure and enjoyment first. you are far more likely to stick with a book that you’ve chosen yourself and that speaks to you than you are with something that’s been shortlisted for a dozen awards or that everyone is talking about and that you feel you need to have an opinion on in order to be seen as a Real Reader.

at the end of the day i think it's also important that, however you go about reading more, you do so in a way that is best suited to and accommodating of your own circumstances and pace. i'm a very irregular reader also, and have always tended to veer towards that more so than any set reading pattern; sometimes it may be a case of finding your time eaten up by empty scrolling or something similar, and other times it could be that there are other things that demand your energy and attention and that you have to attend to, which won't leave a lot of time for reading as you want. there are a lot of time constraints for me, as well as a number of other things that influence a lot of what i read and if i read and while i wish that wasn't the case, i have to accept the time i do have available and choose my books accordingly because i will burn myself out otherwise and not enjoy it anywhere near as much as i could. i hope some of this helps a little, and i wish you so much happy reading, whatever shape it takes for you x

[sailorhyunjinz]

Can I request a fluffy HC? SKZ comforting you while you’re rlly drunk when you get home and taking care of you. (Like you stumble and have to throw up and stuff)

i just realised that i kept on calling my headcanons for reactions?? I MEAN i dont even know at this point lmao imma call it... headcanons/reactions

ALSO new territory for me,,, im usually not much for fluff unless its really captivating or like drabbles (ahhh bf!skz is my weakness) AND SO YEAH UNDERSTAND IF ITS A BIT... lackluster. 

jesus christ ive been listening to touch you for like an hour now ASHAHS save me,,, its too good

HEADCANON sKKRrrT

Warnings; skz x gn!reader; fluff (wow amazing?? cherry writes fluff?) established relationship, drinking, use of alcohol, vomiting, minor injuries, mentions of bruises. 

Bangchan

worry mode; on

lets say you were out drinking

dont even think that you could make it one step outside the pub/club

babyboy would already be waiting in his car outside

the entire car ride home he would tell you to stop drinking so much

“y/n,,, why do you always do this,,, you know how bad it is for your health and im scared that you’ll hurt yourself on the way home”

meanwhile you dont understand anything, rolling in the backseat of the car.

when the two of you arrive home he immediately places you in a warm bath, rubbing your back as you almost fall asleep with your back against his chest. 

worries a lot even though you’re fine

makes you breakfast in bed the day after :(((

Minho

complaining about everything ASHASH

he’s like mumbling underneath his breath, wondering why you’re so stupid and do this every time you go out drinking

much much MUCH rather prefers drinking with you alone 

not only because he can control how much you’re drinking

but also because he likes seeing you tipsy?!?”!?

my brain is working rn u guys

its because he likes seeing this kinda,,, hidden flirty side of you that comes out when someone is tipsy 

yk... the whole.. coming too close or laughing lazily at his jokes YK YK?

god im having such a difficult time to keep this fluffy AHSAHSH I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I WANT TO SAY

he gets really soft with you because he knows that you probably wont remember anything SO HE CAN SHOW HIS SOFT SIDE

without you teasing him for it lol

he’d stroke your cheek with the back of his hand while your leaning against him on the couch, falling asleep in his arms. 

he wraps a blanket around you and mumbles softly

“i love you y/n”

Changbin

he’d be just as drunk as you HASHHASHAH

the two of you would have to call chan because none of you can walk properly 

ok but if it was only you being the drunk one then he’d know what to do

him speaking from experience that is 👀 👀 👀 

removes your clothes (NOT LIKE THAT YOU FILTHY FUCK) and tucks you snuggly in bed, giving you a kiss on the forehead

might even remove your makeup if you’re wearing any

he notices a bunch of bruises on your legs, shaking his head at your clumsiness

makes a promise with himself to go with you next time

even though you would want to be with only your friends ahsahsh he doesnt give a shit about that

everything to keep you safe

doesnt want to see his precious baby hurt :((

Hyunjin

sweetheart that holds your hair/clothes back when puking :((

he pats your back gently as his face has a disgusted facial expression, loving you too much to leave you alone in the bathroom but feeling squeamish

“siri, how do you care for a drunk person?”

reads somewhere that you need to replenish water levels after puking and so he just starts bringing a whole pack of waterbottles in the bedroom

“if you need water during the night, it’s over here” 

he’d try to leave the room, thinking that you’d maybe want some space when having the nausea from hell but you quietly whine which caught him off guard

“d-do you want me to stay?”

you nod and he smiles shyly, laying next to you and just looking at you sleeping??

he thinks you’re adorable :((

even if you’re a lot to handle when drunk

Jisung

ngl this mf laughing his ass off when you’re just blabbering random incoherent sentences

“who was your boyfriend now again?” “m-my squirrlll...” you reply, rubbing your face on his shoulder. “your squirrel? am i a squirrel?” you nod which makes his heart beat faster. 

if you were to drink together bet your ass that he would be wrecked 

probably even more drunk than you so... good luck

everytime you wanted to go out drinking with your friends he would try to persuade you to stay with him instead

“look y/n, staying and cuddling with me brings you both a cute boyfriend, take out and movies”

you shrug “doesnt bring my friends” you say putting on your shoes

“HEY! im your friend,,, your boyfriend!” he says back hugging you, dragging you to the couch, just laying down on top of you

“Jisung!! I’m gonna be late, move!”

“nope... we are cuddling tonight, remember what happened last time you went out drinking?”

you were reminded of you lying passed out infront of the apartment which scared the everliving shit out of jisung, thinking you were dead.

“noo....” you lie, smiling mischievously.

Felix

poor boy would let you sleep ahahshs

he’d tip toe around your apartment, trying to be as quieeeet as possible....

only knock down a whole fucking shelf of pans and pots

but a complete sweetheart that makes you food, knowing you’d be too tired to do it with a hangover. 

do you know those jellies that can prevent hangovers??

yeah, you would find those in your bag

he wouldnt let you wear high heels because he’s scared of you falling over in them :(((

also if you go out he has to know at least one of your friends and have their phone number because NUH UH HE ISNT JUST LETTING YOU GO WITHOUT HIM KNOWING EVERYTHING

he cares,,, a lot and doesnt want to see you come home with scraped knees

because that happened,,,once?? or like maybe 10 times??

Seungmin

teasing youuuu

“weak, you barely finished a bottle”

take a bunch of pictures of you leaning against a telephone pole and then tease you for it the day after

NAH BUT WHEN YOUR REALLY DRUNK HE GETS SERIOUS

he carries you on his back, lowkey scared you’d puke on him BUT CARING NONETHELESS

you pass out on the bed, still dressed in your fancy clothes and he simply looks at you, admiring your features

if there’s anything you want, he will get it

“w-water” you groan and soon enough he returns with a glass of water

slowly sitting you up and stroking your hair, getting it out of your face. 

“be more careful next time ok?” 

you nod, not really understanding what he’s saying before pulling him down in bed with you, falling asleep with him in your arms.

Jeongin

he dont know what the fuck he’s doing

panic,,, sheer panic

he himself doesnt drink too much

maybe enough to feel tipsy but not DRUNK DRUNK

so when you stumble in through the door, your shoes in your hand and hair looking like a mess he gets scared HASASHAS

you fall down, scraping your knee in the hallway and he runs towards you and lifts you up, placing you down on the bed

then he’s like “....now what”

in panic calls chan that tells him to make you drink water and place a bucket nearby

he does just as he’s told but kinda scared to leave you alone in a room for too long, pulling down everything in the house to find a bucket

he removes your jacket and wraps you up in a blanket, snuggling real close to you as he slowly strokes your forehead, feeling you sweat a bit

DOESNT LEAVE YOU FOR A SECOND

[dontaskmetodivide]

migraine days

summary: Y/N experiences a migraine and Harry does his best to comfort her. 

tw: total fluff

1,598 words !!

a/n: migraines really aren’t pretty, so this isn’t a very pretty one shot, but as someone who get them i really wanted to write something about what h would do to comfort his girl during them.

You knew the second that your vision went blurry and your face got tingly that you were having a migraine. The piercing headache that you could only describe as the feeling of going mad. You were used to them, they sucked but you were used to them. You got them every month or so, and usually when they happened you would shut off your phone, lie in bed crying and just try to focus on your breathing. But once you started dating Harry, they got slightly more manageable. Harry always knew exactly what to do and how you comfort you, which made the whole experience a little more bearable.

You called Harry over to your flat around 8 pm, you both deciding to watch a movie and eat ice cream until you fell asleep, but around 10 pm you felt the strain on your head. 

You get up from the couch and go to the kitchen calmly, excusing yourself for a moment so that you can take your meds, hopefully in time to break the migraine before it gets too bad. Along with the small dissolvable tablet you take, you also chug a bunch of water, refilling the bottle twice before Harry enters the room.

“Y/N? What’re you doing?” He asks with a groggy voice, clearly tired from the late hour and all the work in the studio earlier in the day. His hands remain in the pocket of his sweatshirt. 

You set the bottle down on the counter and squint your eyes, trying to see Harry’s face clearly as you speak. “I feel a migraine coming, is all.” You brush it off but he takes it more seriously, walking around the island to get closer to you. 

“Oh, muppet.” His hands come up and cup your cheeks as he looks into your eyes. “Has the aura started yet?” He asks with concern laced in his voice, referring to the weird visual changes you encounter when it comes to your migraines. 

You nod and close your eyes, the light beginning to cause a light pounding behind your eyes. He kisses your forehead and you grab onto the sides of his sweatshirt for balance. 

“Want to head to the hospital?” He asks, and that was one thing you didn’t appreciate from Harry as much when your migraines would occur. He always wanted to take you to the hospital immediately, have you protected and cared for by trained professionals, and while it was very caring, you were stronger than that and could usually last a while before absolutely needing to go seek help. You always wanted to wait until you felt like you couldn’t anymore before going to the doctor. 

“No, I’m okay H.” You tell him, shaking your head with your eyes glued shut. 

“Let’s lay down, yeah?” He asks and you open your eyes, only to see spots, and agree with him as he urges you out of the kitchen. He leads you down the hall and to the bedroom, careful not to move too fast. 

As you get into the bedroom he turns off the lights, only leaving on the soft glow from the bedside lamp as you crawl into bed and shuffle under the puffy comforter. The pain in your head has now grown tremendously, and the small throbbing behind your eyes has now turned to vigorous pulsating on the front hemisphere of your brain. 

You don’t register that he’s left the room until you hear the door close softly, signaling that he’s returned. The bed dips next to your hip, so you open your eyes and pull the covers from your face slightly. 

Harry is holding a cup of water and some aspirin, as if it would do anything to help, but you appreciate the gesture none the less. You sit up slightly and he places his hand on your hip as you grab the water and pills from him, throwing them into your mouth and chugging more water. 

“Are you hot? Want me to turn up the AC?” He asks as you snuggle back under the covers. 

“Yes please.” You squabble out as you squint your eyes shut and try to get comfortable. Harry has learned all the things he can possibly do to make you more comfortable when these things happen. 

He knows that you like to bury yourself in blankets to try and block out the world, so the air conditioner temp needs be lowered so that you don’t overheat.

He swiftly gets up and goes into the hall, returning after a long second, and after another second you hear the blast of the vents being turned up. Harry comes around the bed and lays down beside you, placing a hand on your back over the sheets and rubbling softly. 

You started having migraines at a pretty young age so you learned pretty early that going to sleep is the best way to endure the pain. Most times you can fall asleep and once you wake the migraine has turned to a small headache, but you aren’t always so lucky.

You manage to sleep for an hour and a half before you’re sitting up and hunching over the side of the bed, about ready to vomit all over the floor. Harry is already handing you the small trash bin from your bathroom, that he must’ve picked up whilst you were asleep, and holding your hair back, tying it in a loose low bun with a band from around his wrist. 

You gag a couple times before you’re throwing up all the water you had previously consumed. “It’s okay, baby. Let it out.” Harry hums behind you as he traces his bitten fingernails over your back, scratching lightly. “You’re okay, I’m right here.”

After filling up the bucket way more than you’re proud of, your body begins to rest so you place it back on the ground, heaving from exhaustion. A silent cry begins to fill your chest from frustration and pain. Tears fall from your face onto your lap as your boyfriend cradles you into his chest and you grip onto his sweatshirt for dear life. 

Crying always made the headaches worse, but you couldn’t help it. It just hurts so fucking bad. 

You take a deep breath and attempt to get up to go to the bathroom. Harry stands up with you and you’re grateful because as soon as you take a step you feel woozy and your knees start to buckle. He grabs your waist with one hand and the back of your head with the other, helping you stand.

“Woah woah woah, love. Baby?” Harry says with a panicked tone as he helps you sit back down on the edge of the bed. 

“I’m- I’m okay. Just exhausted.” You tell him, holding onto his forearms still holding your body

“I think it’s time to go to the hospital, love.” He says as he scratches your scalp, hoping to relieve the pain in any way possible, and you nod, succumbing to the inevitable destination of this deceitful journey. 

He slowly releases your body and stands straight, grabbing your shoes and sliding them on your feet as you remain hunched over the side of the bed. He helps you stand and walk out of the house to the car. The car ride is silent, Harry kindly turning off the radio aware that sound worsens the effects. He keeps his hand on yours the whole ride, circling his thumb on the back of your hand. 

You get to the hospital and Harry parks close to the front of the ER doors, helping you out of the car and to the waiting room. Harry pulls your head onto his lap as soon as you’re seated, and you cradle your temples in your hands, silently begging your mind to give you a break. 

You aren’t sure how long it is until they call you back and get your situated in a hospital bed, Harry helping you change into the gown and turning out the lights for you to rest. He sits on the chair next to your bed, not releasing his tight grip on your hand as you close your eyes and rest your head against the propped up cushion. 

The doctor comes in shortly after that, letting you know how they will treat you. She had been your doctor before and knows just how bad this pain is for you. She examines you briefly, which is more painful than helpful to you. As she shines the bright light into your eyes you see Harry visibly wince and clench his jaw, knowing just how bad it must hurt for you. 

Once she’s done she sets up the IV catheter, the needle piercing your hand not even fazing you compared to the mind blistering pain in your brain. 

The doctor speaks softly as she consults you and sets up the IV drip. “You know the drill. We’ll do a fluid drip since you’re more than likely dehydrated, while simultaneously doing the pain reliever, which as I’m sure you know, will make you slightly loopy.” 

You let out a breathy laugh and look at Harry who just smiles and shakes his head at you, knowing what you’re thinking. “You’re responsible for anything I say or do.” You tell him, your voice sounding strained. 

The doctor smiles at the two of you before putting a “FALL RISK” band on your wrist and exiting, telling you to get some rest. 

Before the door is even closed Harry is hopping on the bed to lay with you, facing you and making sure to not mess up the tubes going into your hand. He rests his hand on your cheek and you close your eyes, focusing on the feeling of his hand rather than the pulsating in your head. 

“I’m sorry I ruined our movie night.” You tell him with your eyes closed, and you don’t hear anything after a second but feel his lips come into contact with yours. 

“Don’t apologize, pet.” He says, watching you carefully with compassion. “I’m sorry you ever have to go through this. If I could take it all away from you I would.” 

“I know.” You try to smile up at him. “Thank you.” You tell him, resting your forehead against his. 

i kinda wanna do a part two to this with loopy Y/N, so let me know if you’d like that lol thank you for reading, love you guys <3

[thehopeofitalll]

"How am I attracted to you?"

read it on ao3.

I.

“I’m studying!” Percy announced.

Annabeth looked up from her book. “That’s good!” she said. “I’m proud of you.”

“But you know what that means,” Percy continued.

“What does it mean?”

“You-” he pointed to her for extra emphasis. “-have to stay away from me.”

Annabeth scoffed. “That’s a stupid rule.”

“What can I say?” he said. “You’re very distracting.”

“Is that a compliment?” she asked, smirking.

He shrugged, leaning forwards and kissing her forehead. “If you want it to be.” Annabeth watched as her boyfriend stood up and disappeared into their room. She sighed, standing up to get her laptop and opening it up to start on an essay she had to write for her Architectural Design History class

She had been working on it for a while when she noticed that she hadn’t seen Percy around for a long time. Annabeth stood up, curious, and walked into their room to find Percy asleep on their desk.

She stifled a smile, and shook Percy’s shoulder. “Perce, wake up,” she said softly. “Percy!”

“I’m awake!” Percy yelled, jolting up. “I’m awake,” he repeated, rubbing his eyes.

“Studying, huh?”

“I was studying,” Percy said. “It’s just that this desk began to look like a really good place to sleep.” He yawned.

“I could help you if you want,” she offered.

“Nope,” he said, firmly. “You’re distracting.”

She rolled her eyes at him, smiling. Her eyes scanned the desk, and she furrowed her eyebrows at one object. “Why is there a stuffed animal on your desk?”

“He's not a stuffed animal, he's Bob and he keeps me from losing my mind,” Percy replied, in a matter-of-factly tone.

Annabeth let out a soft sigh. “You know what, I’m not even gonna question it. Now, come, let’s go grab something to eat then maybe I can help you study, okay?”

II.

Annabeth’s eyes flew open, and she lay near Percy, staring at the ceiling and wondering why she woke up. Then, she heard her stomach grumble.

She groaned, getting out of bed to scrummage their kitchen for something to eat. She wasn’t exactly the best cook, but she knew enough to make something that looked edible. Well, most of the time anyways.

Pulling out a box of mac and cheese, she set some water to boil.

“Wise Girl?” came Percy’s voice, as he entered their kitchen. He ran his hand through his messy hair. “What are you doing up at what time is it?” He glanced at the clock. “Uh...3:30 in the morning making...mac and cheese?”

“I’m hungry,” Annabeth replied. “Duh.”

“And you decided to come and cook with what confidence?” Percy asked, trying hard not to smile.

“Look, I don't ask for much in life, but just this once, could you not question my madness for like 10 minutes,” She said, rolling her eyes at him.

“Wise Girl, I love you from the bottom of my heart but I don't trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen.” Percy said sternly. “You remember the last time you ‘cooked’ right?”

“Uh…” Annabeth recalled the time she tried to bake blue chocolate chip cookies to surprise Percy, after getting the recipe from Sally. To put it simply, it had not gone well. “Yeah, I do.”

Percy walked towards her. “So, maybe it’s best if I take care of this, okay?” He said, softly.

“Ugh okay,” she said, smiling at him. “Thanks, by the way.”

“Anything for you, Wise Girl.”

III.

Annabeth flipped through the pages of her book, her eyes scanning the words. She felt a tug on her hair, and glanced over her shoulder to see Percy freeze, caught in the act of playing with her hair.

She raised her eyebrow. “Percy, what are you doing?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Go back to reading.”

She stared at him, then turned her head back to her book. She felt another tug, and glared at Percy. “Percy, don’t touch my hair.”

“Ssh! Stop fussing. I’m braiding your hair.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “I don’t need my hair to be braided.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t even feel me braiding it,” he said. “Just turn around.”

She groaned, then continued reading, while Percy continued to braid her hair. A lock of her hair fell over her shoulder and she suppressed her annoyance. “Percy….”

“Yes?”

“You interrupt my reading once more, and this book will become a lethal weapon,” she warned him.

Percy scoffed. “At times, I think you love your books more than me.”

“Well, it isn’t a lie,” she said.

IV.

Annabeth played with a few strands of Percy’s hair, glancing down at his concentrated face—which consisted of him sticking his tongue out—as they watched a mystery movie.

“Quit staring at me, Chase,” he said, teasingly. “Eyes on the TV.”

“I wasn’t staring at you,” she said, even though it was extremely obvious that she had.

“Sure,” he said.

Annabeth smiled at her boyfriend. Percy’s phone chimed nearby, and when she glanced to see what it was, her heart nearly melted. She laughs softly, causing Percy to look up at her.

“What happened?” He asked her.

She held up his phone. “Am I your lock screen?” she asked.

Percy froze. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he replied, trying to reach for his phone.

“Aw, Seaweed Brain, it’s fine!” Annabeth said, smiling. “It’s cute that I’m your lock screen, ‘cause guess what?” “What?”

Annabeth searched for her phone, then held it up for him to see: they had the same picture of each other as their lock screens.

Percy grinned. “Maybe we are made for each other.”

“You’ve been spending way too much time with Piper.” Annabeth turned her attention back to their TV. “I bet you, Jim killed them.”

“No,” Percy said, shaking his head. “It’s definitely Vanessa.”

V.

Annabeth groaned, walking into their apartment. “I could die.”

“Well, I certainly hope you don’t,” Percy said, glancing at her from their couch. “What happened?”

“Long exam,” Annabeth mumbled. “I can’t speak.”

He raised an eyebrow, then patted at the seat beside him. “How long?”

“Three hours,” she said, taking off her socks before collapsing next to her boyfriend. “So exhausted. Can I snuggle up to you?”

“Sure,” he said, putting his arm around her.

“What if we’re all just living in a simulation?” Annabeth asked.

“Oh no,” Percy pulled away from her. “We’re getting to Existential Crisis Annabeth.”

“It makes sense though!” she exclaimed. “Like, it makes sense, what if our life is an experiment?”

“I highly doubt that,” he said. “Alright, maybe let’s get you to sleep before we reach Giggly Annabeth.”

“Hm,” Annabeth glared at him, pulling her feet up, resting her head against his chest.

“Wise Girl, quit touching me, your feet are cold!” He whined.

“I. Sleepy.”

“Uh...how long have you been awake for?”

“32 hours, 20 minutes and 45 seconds.”

VI.

Percy groaned, shuffling through his clothes. “Annabeth?” he yelled, finally giving up his search.

“Yeah?” came her voice from the other room.

“Have you seen my hoodie?”

“...Nooo.”

Percy sighed. “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

“What makes you think that, Perce?”

He rolled his eyes, and walked towards her. “Give me the hoodie.”

“It’s mine now!”

“Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!” He said, reaching out for her.

“Nope,” Annabeth said, smirking. “You should’ve hidden all your hoodies before you decided to let me in your life.”

VII.

“Perce?”

“Yeah?” he asked, craning his neck to see her.

“This is serious, okay?” Annabeth said, focusing her eyes on him. “Am I...too competitive at Monopoly?”

“...No,” he said.

She rolled his eyes. “I can tell you’re lying, you know. Be honest, am I too competitive?”

“Maybe...maybe just a little bit,” he said. “And-ouch! Wise Girl!”

She looked at him innocently, like she hadn’t just smacked him with a pillow. “What?” Then she smacked him again.

“YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!” He yelled.

VIII.

Percy walked across their apartment nervously. He called Annabeth when he was a few feet away.

“Percy?”

“Hey, so, um...totally random question here, but what would you do if I dyed my hair?” Percy asked.

“...Did you dye your hair?” Annabeth asked in turn.

Percy gave a fake laugh. “No! What makes you think that?”

“Percy…” The door to their bedroom opened up, and Annabeth peeked out to find a blue-haired Percy Jackson. She groaned. “Percy!”

“Surprise?” He said, giving her jazz hands.

“I think we need to have a talk, mister.” She folded her arms. “You dyed your hair blue?”

“I mean, you should’ve known it was coming,” he protested weakly. “I waste time trying to find blue maple syrup, how did you think I wouldn’t dye my hair?”

“You never find blue maple syrup! I thought you were gonna give up on your obsession one day or another.”

“How am I attracted to you?"

[theparanormalperiodical]

Top 10 Controversial Horror Films That Are Famous For All The Wrong Reasons *gags* *cries*

At the beating heart of horror is offence.

From that undeniable sense of something not being quite right, to the CGI-blood-spurtin’-adrenaline-fuelled scenes that leave us shaking in our boots, horror pivots on the knife edge of controversy.

It’s used to drive plots. It’s used to drive hype. And at the end of the month, it drives studio executives to the bank.

Horror films can be traumatic enough. But there are some films that bear the cross of controversy more than others. There are some films that have been branded as so damaging to their potential viewers that merely circulating copies of the film is illegal.

And yet their infamy has forged cult viewership. What was once shielded from us has now become ‘must see’.

Today we are going to be counting down horror’s most controversial films and what made them quite so topical.

*I’m going to star the ones that you can actually watch without getting traumatised. Some are controversial not because of their content but because some religious or political groups disagreed with them*

#10 - The Blair Witch Project (1999)*

Let’s ease in with a classic - a classic you can watch without sleeping with the light on.

In this found-footage flick we see a team of film students as they explore a local urban legend. But what they find leads them to unknown and ungodly territory.

The problem with this film is that it was marketed as a true story. No, not based on a true story, a true story. Yep, they claimed what we were seeing was real, found footage of some teens going mad as they forage deeper into mysterious woods.

IMBd went so far as to report that the actors were dead. Then, the movie studio super-charged their efforts to confirm to the public that not only was this film 100% real, the three main actors were still missing. The parents of the actors then started receiving sympathy cards.

There’s even a mocked up website that perpetuates these claims. 

#9 - Night Of The Living Dead (1968)*

Time for another not-too-disturbing film.

This is the original zombie apocalypse film saw a group of Americans attempt to survive an incoming attack of the undead while trapped in a rural farmhouse.

But the Motion Picture Association of America wasn’t too happy about it. The film rating system was yet to be in place, allowing children to also show up for an afternoon screening and be greeted by a 97 minute montage of extreme violence.

“The kids in the audience were stunned. There was almost complete silence. The movie had stopped being delightfully scary about halfway through, and had become unexpectedly terrifying. There was a little girl across the aisle from me, maybe nine years old, who was sitting very still in her seat and crying”

#8 - Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

In this psychological film, we watch a random crime spree take place at the hands of a couple serial killers. Loosely based on real murderers Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole, its controversial reputation was founded on the gore ‘n’ guts screened in the movie.

Whilst it didn’t receive much attention from the public, various classification boards across the world ensured new versions edited with certain scenes - often involving sexual assault and necrophilia - removed for viewers.

In 2003, the BBFC (the UK classification board) finally allowed the uncut version to be released and Australia followed suit in 2005.

#7 - I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

It’s the original rape-revenge flick. And it managed to piss everyone off.

Originally titled Day of the Woman, it tells the story of a fiction writer who exacts revenge on a group of four men who gang rape her.

Despite its pro-women claim-to-fame, the 30 minute rape scene begs to differ. Furious debate surrounds its feminist label as a film that forces the audience to endure rape from a female perspective and long-winded violence against men (something which is often reserved for women in horror). Regardless, the graphic violence earned it a steady ban in Ireland, Norway, Iceland, and West Germany.

#6 - Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)*

You don’t get many controversial Christmas films. They typically stick to a cookie-cutter plot ‘n’ purpose every holiday season. But there are no strong women who need to rediscover the meaning of Christmas here.

Instead, we see a child traumatised by seeing his parents murdered on Christmas Eve go on a seasonal rampage as an adult.

A week after its release in the early 80s, it was pulled from theatres due to backlash. Marketing was focused on a Santa Claus killer with adverts often airing during family-friendly TV programmes and meant numerous children developed a phobia of Father Christmas. Large crowds protested cinemas with one notable protest involving angry families singing carols at the Interboro Quad Theater in The Bronx.

It was only in 2009 - 25 years after its original release - that a DVD of the film was first made available for purchase in the UK.

#5 - Psycho (1960)*

This legendary film follows the disappearance of a young woman after her encounter with a strange man called Norman Bates, one of horror’s most iconic figures. The controversy that would engulf this fim lay not in the violent attack on an innocent woman or even the disturbing content of the film.

Oh, no. It was because of what the leading lady was wearing.

In the opening scene of the film, we see Janet Leigh wearing nothing but a bra.

*gasp*

This racy attire was emblazoned across promotional material, meeting Hitchcock’s high standards of creating controversy around the movie. There was a no late admission policy for movie theaters, and the posters told viewers “Do not reveal the surprises!” to maintain a mysterious aura around the plot twist.

#4 - The Human Centipede (2009) (all of ‘em)

I’ve watched a lot of horror films, in case you couldn’t tell.

I’m used to watching a scary movie, shaking off the anxiety, and moving on with my life. But there are some that stayed with me. I only watched the trailer for the first movie, and it legitimately traumatised me. It gave me quite a severe, sudden bout of a depression for a solid month when I was 13.

Throughout horror’s goriest franchise, we see an evil doctor and amateur mad scientist attempt to sow several people together into a centipede-like chain from mouth to anus.

*retches*

At the heart of promoting the franchise was controversy. Tom Six, the director, forced a narrative that claimed from the first film that this was "100% medically accurate". He even alleged a Dutch doctor helped inspire the film, confirming that with an IV drip, this was entirely possible.

Although it didn’t receive furore that amounted to serious censorship or long-term banning, it was infamous for having its viewers vomiting in the cinema aisles.

The second film, however, was subject to much more severe controversy and could not legally be supplied in the UK until 2011 due to its heavy focus on sexual abuse, more graphic violence than the original film, and it’s pretty vile depiction of a murderer that was intellectually disabled.

Audiences were used to the graphic nature of the franchise by the third and final release. As the least-controversial and least-enjoyable film according to critics, it barely made a dent in the horror community.

Good riddance, I guess?

#3 - Faces Of Death (1978)

I’m not sure I’d recommend this one per se - but I will give it credit for being an interesting project.

This documentary-style film is a montage of footage of people dying in different ways. As a result of its very graphic and very real content, it was banned and censored in many countries. Only in 2003 was it released on DVD in the UK after a scene was cut featuring dogs fighting and a monkey being beaten to death.

Germany, Australia, and New Zealand followed suit, reversing their bans and releasing edited versions.

However, 7 years after its release, the media revamped its interest in the film after a maths teacher showed it to his class at a Californian high school. Two of his students claimed they were so traumatised they received a costly settlement to reimburse their emotional distress. Things took a darker turn a year later, when a 14 year old bludgeoned a classmate to death with a baseball bat; he claimed he wanted to see what it would be like to actually kill someone after watching Faces of Death.

#2 - Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

This Italian film’s title alone hints towards two frightening things: flesh-eating humans and genocide. In this found-footage movie we see an anthropologist lead a rescue team into the Amazon rainforest to find a group of filmmakers that went missing.

The rampant graphic content including sexual assault and animal cruelty showcased in the film (7 animals were killed during filming in some pretty horrific ways) led to it being banned in 50 countries.

Some also alleged that a handful of deaths seen in the film were real, as were the missing film crew. In fact, the actors portraying the documentarians signed contracts that stopped them appearing in motion pictures for an entire year to maintain the illusion of reality.

And only 10 days after its premiere, the director was charged with obscenity and the film confiscated. All copies were to be turned over to the authorities. There are currently a range of versions that have been edited to varying degrees and are allowed for circulation.

#1 - A Serbian Film (2010)

No.

Nope.

Don’t do it. Don’t watch this film.

A Serbian Film follows a retired porn star who agrees to feature in an “art film” for some cash. Little does he know this film will include rape, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia…

Just don’t watch it.

It is still banned in South Korea, New Zealand, Australia. It is supposedly a parody of politically correct films made in Serbia that are funded by foreign groups and allegedly speaks openly about post-war society and the struggle for survival.

*shakes head*

Off to have a 3 hour shower, brb.

If you, uhhh, liked this post please like and reblog.

And if you want to hear more about horror and the supernatural every week hit follow!

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Tagged by @alienfuckeronmain (❤️!) to post 10 songs on my on repeat playlist, which is a fucking fit because i'm constantly in discovery mode and barely listen to any song twice, but anyway, It's hot fucked up cowboy hours!!

I. Sivert Høyem - prisoner of the road. I mean, every breath sivert takes is in the right tune. This song is so fucking raw, i feel like holding a mic up to americans like "good evening sir how does it feel to know that a Norwegian from the ass-end of north hemisphere understands the dry burn of desert-delirious feelings better than most of you do." And honestly? It's just Sivert. the track coming up after this is a BladeRunner-esque noir romance ("safe return" if you're curious) and he just. I think Sivert Høyem is actually a god.

II. Just Feels - jihae, dave stewart. I have no excuse, Jihae straight up puts me in overdrive. Like, it shouldn't be physically possible to be this gay for a woman–

III. woman in love - wildes. yep. fucked up cowboy hours.

IV. i'll go running - squirrel flower. so i have been mostly popping up this playlist on 6am while running on too little sleep and reading books under too little light and i think it shows–

like, the mininal embellishments. I have the capacity to listen to exactly 4 notes in a sound at any given time and they better make it count.

V. Silver fir - Bess Atwell. Bess 👏🏻 atwell 👏🏻 does 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 fuck 👏🏻 about 👏🏻 with 👏🏻 lyrics👏🏻

i just absolutely adore how unpretentious and offbeat her musical storytelling is. Her lyrics either actively try to choke me out of my miserable life or make me look at the lyrics twice like "???" and i think she's so sexy for it.

VI. The Swimmer ‐ rose causins. catch me in mcdonalds at 3am ordering three buckets of mcfucking tears and a diet coke!!!!

VII. speak loud - trills. Did someone say rebellion?

VIII. deep waters ‐ jack savoretti. This is the song to tame a man to. Like, this is the song in which your local dirty cowboy finds himself being roped by another dirtier, even more conflicted and conflicting cowboy.

IX. the man who isn't here - frøkedal. HELLO WHAT'S UP WITH THESE NORWEGIAN MUSICIANS ABSOLUTELY MURDERING IT IN THE WESTERN GENRE!!!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY AND I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!

X. all of the love in the world - Lily Kershaw. Lily just kills me in ways that i didn't even know i needed to be killed. Not a moment of relief with this woman.

tagging @silveryladystar @brightmouth @krispyscreams @isitandwonder @wizardpink and whoever reads this and would like to give it a go 💕

[selfilluminatingkyu]

Dancing with the Devil(s): Chapter IV

Previous|Current|Next

F!Reader x Adult Trio; this takes place during the same timeline as Season 3 of HxH but the events with Kuropika and the crew are just shifted a little. Things will align back up within the next couple of chapters.

Warnings: Subtle Mentions of Torture and Abuse.

Word Count: 3.1K (She a lil short) 

As the name rattles off of Hisoka’s lips, you furrow your eyebrows. Is he someone you know? Is he someone you should know? A thousand thoughts run through you head in the span of a second and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there is a reason behind why Hisoka would ask you whether or not you knew someone. 

You also weren’t completely insufferable in your lack of underworld knowledge. You knew who the Zoldycks were. Had heard many of the wealthy families mention the name before. Wealthy families got to where they were not because they didn’t deal in shady things…they just happened to have enough money to pay someone else to do it for them…and keep it from ever tracing back to them. 

You remember being at a gala not to terribly long ago. The patriarch on the family hosting the event had left midway through to speak to an older man with grey/white hair. You’d gone to the bathroom when he’d walked out of the office with the other man—who’d looked extremely pale and weathered as compared to when they’d left. You’d smiled and apologized, telling them you’d gotten turned around on your way back to the party, and the man with the grey/white hair, Zeno Zoldyck you’d come to learn, had simply smiled at you before nodding to the host. The other man had disappeared out of view and the two of you were left alone.  

“My, my you have grown into a beautiful young woman since the last time I saw you y/n.” He’d said and you could only blink, registering quickly the sheer power rolling off this man. There was no malice behind it, nor intimidation effect, it was simply him. 

“I’m sorry sir, and forgive me for being rude, but do we know each other? I don’t recall ever having met you before.” You said, smiling softly but anxiously, wracking your brain for anything to give you a clue as to not incur your mother’s wrath for forgetting a powerful man’s name and presence. 

He chuckled, walking closer to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “No need to worry dear, we’ve never met before per se, but I do know who you are. I’m well aware of your parents’…pursuits. Your name has come up in conversation before and the last time I saw you or a photo of you, you were quite small. Maybe no older than 10 or 11. I was merely making an observation.” 

You smiled again and nodded you head, understanding and yet feeling embarrassed and ashamed that you probably looked no better than a filly up for auction, because truthfully…you weren’t. 

“Oh! Well it’s nice to meet you—” 

“Zeno, Zeno Zoldyck. And it’s nice to finally meet you as well y/n y/l/n. And I’m sure this won’t be the last time we see each other.” 

Thinking back on that situation now, back on the first time you ever met Zeno, you wondered how exactly it was your name had ever befallen the ears of the Zoldyck patriarch. Regardless, to be asked about a Zoldyck was odd, even coming from Hisoka. 

“I know of the Zoldycks, I’ve met Zeno a couple of times. But I’m not well versed in the members of the family. Is there any particular reason why you ask Hisoka?” You ask, thinking it over more as you answered, wondering where the missing link was in your knowledge. But when you looked up, in that moment, when the words had only just left you mouth, the look in Hisoka’s eyes made you think that not knowing may have been a small grace than a hinderance. And in that moment, you were somewhat grateful the water was already growing cold, because the shock of chill that ran through the air wasn’t nearly as potent. 

The small seep of bloodlust in the air made you take in a breath and try to sink into the furthest side of the tub away from him. The hairs on your body stood up and gooseflesh peppered across your skin. You bit back the whimper that wanted to escape and instead looked at the imposing man before you with wide eyes. The shift in demeanor, you realized, was not direct at you but something else entirely. 

“Did you ever see the man you were initially going to be engaged to?” Hisoka asked and this made you pause because you had told Chrollo of your past but not the rest of the Troupe and you were certain that it was not information passed along to them as they’d been dismissed when the discussion had happened. 

Was this slip up intentional, to make you put the pieces together or had Hisoka’s apparently bloodlust caused his tongue to run away from him? If you were a wagering girl, and you really weren’t, you would’ve bet on the former instead of the latter. Hisoka was calculating and manipulative. You knew his interest in you had made you into a new toy to play with and this seemed like a twist in his play with you. Keeping this in mind, you responded accordingly. 

“Yes, once, late one night when I snuck into my father’s office. I wanted to see what he looked like. This elusive person who was supposedly going to be my husband. He was attractive, but I never was told his name because, for whatever reason, my parents ended up forgoing the engagement. I was never told why exactly, and it never dawned on me to ask honestly.” You chose your words carefully, watching him the entire time to gage the way he reacted. 

That wasn’t entirely a lie, it wasn’t also entirely the truth. You knew why you parents had never gone through with the engagement; the family, while incredibly powerful and wealthy, was part of the seedy underground and that didn’t bode well with their agenda. A family like the Zoldycks fit perfectly within that description you realized. Although, it was an inclining you’d had after the second time you’d met the Zoldyck patriarch and his son, Silva, the current head of the family and business. They’d been nice, familiar even, and they’d been assessing you. At the time, you hadn’t exactly been sure as to why, but you’d wondered if they’d been the family who’d been very adamant about marrying you to their eldest son. 

However, they thought had derailed when Zeno had made an offhanded comment about wondering if you’d be into younger men and you’d been utterly confused. Were they not them? Were you mistaken and they too were now interested after meeting you? You’d never truly gotten your answer though because the next time you saw them, it had been a strained meeting as you’d been their target. Why Zeno had come and told your parents that information instead of just doing his job, and risking his reputation in the process, had puzzled you even more. 

“HISOKA! Enough!” The roar from Phinks had startled you as had the slamming of your bedroom door. Curling in on yourself, you’d just managed to cover yourself before Phinks and Shalnark had busted through.  “Keep your bloodlust in check, it’s giving me a headache. And what are you even doing in here you pervy bastard? Leave the poor girl alone. You’re needed downstairs anyway, something’s come up.” 

Both blonde men gave you a quick once over, probably making sure that you weren’t harmed by the magician but nodding their heads towards the door. Shalnark gave you a smile and a wave before trailing behind Phinks. “Come on Hisoka, don’t want to keep the boss waiting.” 

Hisoka turned, beginning to move towards the door again before stopping. “Don’t think too hard on it little dove. We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” 

And with that he’d walked out, slamming the bedroom door behind him, leaving you utterly confused and feeling chilled to the bone. 

Was this Illumi Zoldyck guy your previous potential fiancé? 

Was there another member of the Zoldyck’s who had almost taken that roll instead? 

Or was Hisoka just trying to find out some sort of other information that you just weren’t able to see yet? 

You didn’t know the answer to those questions right now…but you were certain you were going to get them, whether you wanted to know or not. 

That night, you’d gone to bed shortly after you’d forced yourself to climb out of the bathtub. The water had grown cold, and your skin was pruning uncomfortably. The peace in which you had hope to find, even a sliver of, had never come to you, so you hoped maybe sleep would just be a void. 

And while you hadn’t been completely wrong, you also hadn’t been completely right. 

At first, you’d fallen asleep easily, not even the noises of what was taking place downstairs had deterred you from finding solace in the black abyss. However, that had apparently been short lived as a few hours later, you’d slipped into a nightmare.  

You were surrounded by people you didn’t know, and they were talking about you, looking down on you. It was then you realized that you were strapped to a table and that you had wires running from your body to machines. They didn’t appear to be normal medical equipment though, but you couldn’t say for certain that they were made out of nen either. Regardless, seeing the wiring connecting to your body and then to unknown machines left your blood running cold and your mind running a mile a minute as to how to get yourself out of this situation. 

“She’s extraordinary. Just extraordinary! With powers like hers…you could rule the world…could rule worlds. There is an unlimited number of things you could do and accomplish with this kind of power. Who knows where it stops!” The excited voice from beside you startled you. 

The small man in a lab coat and mask was standing closest too you, scribbling things on a clipboard as he looked at you in awe. You tried to ask what was going on, how you had gotten here, what he was talking about, but nothing came out. Not even a whimper and whisper of breath. You frantically looked around, trying to find a face, a friend, anyone you recognized and kept coming up empty. The faces were blurred, and your eyes began to strain. The sound of voices chattering and a machine clicking barely registered to you…

…but the pain certainly did.

Excruciating was putting it mildly and you quickly understood why you were bound, outside of not allowing you to flee your captors. The pain seared through even molecule in your body and those that it hadn’t even created yet. Your back arched off the table and your mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Your throat felt raw, like you’d done it before…possibly even several times before. The only thing that actually seemed to escape you were the tears from the corner of your eyes as the pain stopped and deftly you registered that the machines had stopped but the voices had picked up. 

What they were saying, you couldn’t tell. But as the noise kicked up tenfold, the pain did as well, and this time when you screamed…a noise came with it. 

“Y/n wake up! It’s just a dream! You’re fine. Wake up!” You bolted up right, screaming yourself hoarse as the pain creeped its way from fantasy into reality. It jarred you to the bone and without thinking you struck out at the closest thing, sending it hurling away from you in an effort to end whatever was causing you pain. 

What you hadn’t realized was that that “thing” in which you had sent flying had been Chrollo. Didn’t realize it was him till he was nearly striking the wall on the other side of the room, caught off guard by your sudden attack and the power behind it. It was also then that you realized there was an aura radiating around you and there was immense power coming from it. 

You looked to Chrollo wondering if he had always been this strong and had somehow been masking it. But looking at him, seeing the wild, almost gleeful look in his eyes, made you realize that the power was not coming from him…but yourself. 

“I need you to breathe for me y/n and focus on controlling the aura that’s around you. If you don’t get a control over it, it’ll continue to seep out of you, and you’ll pass out from the loss.” He spoke softly, walking up to you slowly like you would a terrified animal, afraid that in its fear, will lash out at you and go for your jugular. 

However, his tactics were a bit sabotaged when Franklin and Feitan came flying into the room, nen activated and ready to take on anyone who posed a threat. The hostile energy pouring out of them had your fear peaking again, the faces from your dream flashing before your eyes and the power in which you’d thrown at Chrollo was surging again, zeroing in on the new threats and detonating without so much as a blink from you. 

Both of their boys went flying as well, Chrollo, seemingly reading your nanosecond of a shift in body language, braced in anticipation, activating his own aura, and deflecting easily. As he seemed to watch two of his strongest members go soaring across the room as if it was no big deal, the look in his eyes seemed to increase tenfold and suddenly he was behind you, wrapping himself around you and smothering you face into his chest. 

“Shhh, you’re okay. They aren’t going to hurt you. No one here is going to hurt you little one. I promise.” He stroked your hair and while you realize the sentiment that he was going for, the affection left you feeling even more displaced. 

You could feel your body seemingly gearing up for another act and, despite still being unsure as to where these people lie on the spectrum between friend and foe, you did not want to hurt them anymore than you already had. With that in mind, you tried to even your breathing out; tried to think of a dam stopping the free flow of water, and all thing similar to keep yourself from exploding with aura again. And that, coupled with Chrollo’s continued words of assurance, seemed to do the trick, and stop up the free flow of energy. 

As the bubble around you seemed to smooth and flow but not run, you realized you’d started to sob at some point, the tears streaming down your face and a near continual stream of whimpers and apologies pouring from your mouth. Apologies to Chrollo for the initial attack, apologies to Franklin and Feitan who’d only come to make sure everything was okay. You didn’t know what was going on or how things had escalated so quickly but you were sorry and you hadn’t meant to hurt them. 

You weren’t entirely certain the message hadn’t gotten out clearly, if the pissed off look on Feitan’s face was anything to go by, but you weren’t entirely certain that hadn’t been there prior as the man seemed to wear a scowl frequently. 

“What…happened…?” Feitain asked and you could feel Chrollo shift, looking at them while maintaining the comforting stroking on your hair. 

“I’m not sure. I came up here to check on her when I felt a spike in aura and heard her crying out. I couldn’t sense another presence outside of her own, but we’ve met nen users capable of cloaking themselves before. However, when I came in, she was thrashing about, when I woke up her…the same thing that happened to you happened to me.” 

“Clearly not as hard though. You seem fine. I feel like I’m going to be sore for days after that power she just threw at us.” Franklin muttered rubbing at his arm and stomach. 

“Such…a…. baby…” Feitan muttered, earning a side-eyed glare from Franklin. 

“I wouldn’t say it was any less powerful, it was more like she registered who was in the room with her right as she threw the power out. I’m almost certain she did the same with you, and my presence so close by also muted her attack, afraid she’d hurt me in an effort to harm you two.” 

Franklin and Feitan looked from Chrollo to you and then back to Chrollo before looking at each other in disbelief. “You’re saying that wasn’t her full power?” Franklin asked, the shock and awe clearly evident in his voice. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. I can’t even begin to feel the depths of her power, let alone where it ends.” 

The words seemed to hang in the air, all three men seemingly having a silent conversation that you were not perve to, nor did you think you ever would be. You had known from the start, regardless of what degree of comradery you obtained with these people you would always be an outsider, never allowed to fully know the scope of everything. You’d never be told all of the details, never know the full extent of all of their abilities, never know the ins and outs of it all. And you did not mind that, not at the moment at least, because for what you did not know, you had come to understand that these were dangerous people, people that were probably on several hit lists and wanted by many…and you did not know if you ever wanted to truly be associated with them. 

While sitting in the tub, you’d come to the conclusion that you would use them to obtain the skills necessary to save your younger siblings…and that would be the extent of it. You were not a killer, did not fancy yourself someone who killed for sport or out of the desire to prove you were stronger or better than others. No, you did not believe your wants in life to align at all with those of the people in this group nor did you think they ever would. So you’d do what was necessary to be able to get your siblings back, to be able to protect them and keep them safe till they were capable of doing as such on their own. But once you’d achieved that goal…you were as good as gone. 

[chronicals-of-top-surgery]

25 days post OP 6/20/22

Jeez, five days have passed already?? Time is FLYING by.

Well, a day or two ago I took a nice hot shower and because I wasn't super concerned about water getting into places it shouldn't (which was a concern when my nipples weren't fully attached yet) I was able to get everything cleaned. Sadly, I need to exfoliate because just rubbing my shoulders made a ton of gross, dead skin fall off.

Speaking of gross dead stuff falling off, the hot steam got the scabs really loose. My right nipple has almost no scabbing now and my left lost a TON. It's seemingly very healthy and pink and perfect under there. The top is weirdly not super smoothed down to the skin or flush, it's raised around the top edge but I think it'll smooth itself out and be fine.

Though, while I was gently lifting away the scab bits that were flaking and falling off anyways, one bit of scab gave a weird amount of resistance. Turns out, there's a fuckin SUTURE hiding under the scab!! Like a whole stitch, hiding, totally missed by the doctor 2 weeks later. I sent him a text and showed some pics and he said I'm healing up perfectly, I look amazing, and that the suture will dissolve and fall away on its own so just don't bother it and it'll be fine.

I only have 6 more days of wearing my chest wrap too. Ive been taking breaks for a few hours at a time. Just letting everything breathe and relax a little, especially when the wrap is just not cooperating and is rolling up and sitting on my scars weird which hurts. My sides do hurt but I think it's from the wrap and laying on my sides. I've been able to sleep on my sides a little but I keep just rolling back over to sleep on my back again.

Everything is super sensitive. Especially in the center of my chest between the two scars and like in between where my breasts used to be, it's just really tender to touch. Like touching a super raw sunburn, or (and maybe only my fellow autistic folks will really get this one) when someone pets or rubs you in the same spot over and over for too long it starts to hurt? Yeah that sensation. Really uncomfortable. It feels better with the wrap on it and nothing brushing up against it but my whole chest is just sensitive in a bad way

For some reason, right below my nipple and a little to the outside, it's hard as rock. Idk what that's about bc the rest of my chest is more squishy. I'm guessing it's muscle?? Or part of the suturing? Idk, it doesn't hurt, just a little strange note. It's on both sides, mostly the left, so I'm assuming it's normal.

I still am trying to not really stretch, I still haven't done any heavy lifting, pushing, or pulling. I plan to keep it that way for another month, hell, until I'm moving out for college (3 months total healing). I want to be CERTAIN I don't cause any damage and I want my scars to heal as pristinely as possible, and right now I have the luxury to do so. Besides, as of right now, if I stretch a bit too far or push a bit too hard, it does hurt. I haven't had anything besides a twinge of achey pain or a quick pinch but id rather listen to those little hints of pain telling me to stop while I'm ahead and not push it further.

Ive got my online college orientation tomorrow so I have that to look forward to. I also need to start talking to my boss about when I'll be returning. But I can worry about that tomorrow. I still have 10 days before my leave ends, I'm not on the very last second of planning. It's still flexible and calm and I'm not gonna freak myself out over a minimum wage job. The only reason I haven't quit is because I want to transfer to a store in the college town and take advantage of tuition reimbursement.

So yeah! It's going good, I'm taking it easy still, healing is nice, I'm no longer stressed about my nipple because it turns out it's scab was just a LOT thicker than my right one, and everything is healing good! Im outside of the scary zone now, no more fear that a nipple will fall off or that something will get infected. Now it's just a gentle waiting game for the sutures inside to heal and dissolve away and for my scars to settle and start permanently healing. It won't be completely healed for like 3 years (the deep scar on my hand took about that long to go from reddish pink to my skin tone) but I just need to make it to the period where I'm safe to work out again which I think is like 3 ish months? I'm fine with that honestly. I'm not going to start working out again until I have the campus gym accessible to me.

I'll keep updating this periodically! Im really fond of this blog and all like 3 people who follow it, and it's a great archive for myself and my memories. Somehow being in Miami simultaneously feels like yesterday and a year ago. I miss my companion, I miss how much he doted on me and cared for me. Of course my mom dotes on me too but that's a good mom for ya, I love and appreciate it but I still yearn for him too. Little bit of gay yearning never hurt anyone yeah? Yeah. I'll keep updating here as I go along and heal! Until the next post!

[eretzyisrael]

Lama Al-Manar, 36, doesn't remember what she put into the small bag she was carrying when she stepped into a Red Crescent ambulance, other than medical documents. She doesn't remember the last words her husband, who was riding with her, said to her before they separated at the Erez crossing. She doesn't know whether he followed them with his gaze when she walked toward the crossing and passed from the Gaza Strip to Israel, where a Magen David Adom ambulance was waiting for her.

From the moment she left Shifa Hospital that afternoon, until she arrived at Sheba Medical Center at Tel Hashomer some five hours later, Lima's eyes never left the incubator that was holding her son, Abdullah, 2.5 months old, whose tiny body was receiving oxygen.

She also wouldn't have remembered what day it was if they hadn't explained how lucky she had been. It was Monday, May 10, 2021, the day on which Operation Guardian of the Walls against Hamas infrastructure in Gaza began. The ambulance that brought her and her son to Israel was the last allowed through Erez crossing before it was closed for 13 days.

Three children are waiting for her at home. Two years ago, she gave birth to a stillborn child, and when she became pregnant for the fifth time, she was eager for the new baby to bring joy back to the home. But Abdullah was born two months prematurely with a complicated heart defect and Lamaand her husband realized they would need to fight for his life.

"I was afraid. His condition wasn't good," Lama says. "He lost weight, and his breathing and other parameters slowed. I prayed to God to heal him. To fight for his little life. A doctor at Shifa Hospital recommended that we send him to Israel for treatment. My husband reached out to the Shevet Achim organization to help us get him there."

Thursday afternoon, the 11th day of the Gaza campaign. The radio reports a rocket alert in Ashkelon, and then a direct hit on a residential building. We arrive at the parking structure attached to the labor ward at Sheba Medical Center, which is next to the Edmond and Lily Safra Children's Hospital. The children's ICU was transferred here on the fifth day of the fighting for fear of rocket hits.

We go down one floor. After walking through the gray halls lined with oxygen tanks at the ready, we encounter a colorful sign decorated with a drawing of a sun and a kite: "Protected Children's ICU." Reality stays outside. In the parking structure, which was filled with cars the previous week, there are 40 small beds. Each one takes up two parking places, and holds a small baby who is hooked up to medical equipment. Nearby is a treatment station, a computer, and a lounge chair for adults.

The beds are separated by flowered curtains that were hung on the metal pipes that line the parking garage's ceiling. No one closes the curtains. There are also hanging screens that are attached to monitors that fill the space with dim beeping.

In the center of the improvised unit are a dialysis cart and another cart that holds equipment for chest drainage. Sometimes, a baby's cry can be heard. It is weak, and starts and stops quickly.

Over bed No. 26 a sign reads: "Abdullah Al-Manar. Date of birth: Feb. 26, 2021. Weight: 1.6 kg (3.52 pounds)." Lamasits on the chair and watches Shani, the nurse, take off Abdullah's cloth diaper, exposing a large incision that runs from his chest to his belly. Shani changes the dressing, rubs cream on it, puts his medicine into the IV bag attached to his small arm, and covers him gently.

In the next bed lies three-month-old Rana, who is recovering from her third open heart surgery, which she underwent two days earlier. On the left is Yazen, a month old, who had a catheterization.

Dr. Evyatar Hubara, 43, a senior doctor on the unit, moves from bed to bed. He slept three hours the night before due to the number of cases.

"The three children from Gaza suffer from complicated heart defects," Hubara explains. "They came to us in serious condition, among other reasons because it took time from when the problem was diagnosed in Gaza until their transfer to us could be coordinated, all the permits received, and that's without changing ambulances at Erez and the bumpy journey. Right now, all three are in an acute stage. We still haven't gotten to the rehabilitation state, which will begin here and continue in Gaza," he says.

Hubara stops by Abdullah's bed and looks at him warmly. "Abdullah was born prematurely and was incorrectly diagnosed in Gaza. The doctors … performed the wrong operation on him when he was two months old. A week after the operation, he began to decline, and a week after that he reached us. In the first few hours we needed to stabilize him and keep his blood pressure steady with medication.

"We started to look into the problem. We did an MRI and other tests. Before every stage, we explained to his mother what we were going to do. She trusted us from the beginning. After we stabilized him, we found that the true defect he was suffering from was an aortic valve stenosis. It turned out that in Gaza they had tried to close the ductus, but closed one of the main arteries by mistake.

"In the insane Israeli reality, we had to protect ourselves against rockets from Gaza along with the babies who come from here," he says.

"I remember one siren that caught me on the unit, before we moved to the parking structure. All the mothers, Jewish and Arab, just grabbed their babies – the ones that weren't hooked up to machines – and ran to a safe space. I shouted, 'We have time, 90 seconds, go slowly so you won't fall with the kids.' Everyone gathered around in the safe space. Staff members and patients, Jews and Arabs together. The shocking sight of the mothers who ran there with their babies doesn't leave me," Hubara recalls. Not all the mothers were able to take their babies to a safe space. Abdullah, Rana, and Yazen, as well as another 12 Israeli babies, are on respiratory equipment, and they were unprotected during the first rocket alerts. This is why the hospital administration decided to move the entire department from the sixth floor to the underground parking garage. Here, the sirens can't even be heard.

We go with Lama, Raida, and Samira into the staff room, located at the exit. The room has a big refrigerator full of popsicles donated to the children and the staff who care for them. Every few minutes, a parent or a staff member comes in and takes one.

About a year ago, when the COVID pandemic was still raging in Israel, a COVID unit opened in this same parking structure to ease the mass of patients that was overwhelming the hospitals. That event seems like ancient history, and the only thing that remains of it are the letters of thanks stuck to the door. It seems as if this is the last place in the country where people are careful to wear masks, and wear them properly.

The three Gaza women are embarrassed. They aren't used to being interviewed. All three are wearing abayas, long dresses that include head coverings, as well as hijabs and surgical masks. Since they arrived in Israel, they have been sleeping here, on the unit, in the recliner chairs next to their children's beds. They are also given meals. Once every few days, they allow themselves to go upstairs and shower. None of them speaks any language other than Arabic, with the exception of a few words of Hebrew or English. Moshe Ravid, 26, a nursing student from Jaffa and a volunteer with the Shevet Achim organization, translates.

Raida (Umm Ahmad), 48, is from Khan Younis. She is Rana's grandmother, a housewife and mother of six.

"My daughter-in-law, Rana's mother, came to Israel with her in February, two weeks after she was born," she says. "After two weeks, she was tired and not feeling well. Because she has a four-year-old at home, she called me and asked me to switch with her. She went back to Gaza, and since then, I've been here. Three months already. This is my first time in Israel."

Q: Were you afraid?

"No, why should I be afraid? My husband worked in Bat Yam for 20 years. Every day, he went from Gaza to Bat Yam, until the disengagement in 2005. After that, he found work in Gaza. He told me that there are good people in Israel, that everyone here is all right."

Abdullah's mother Lama, 36, is wearing a brown abaya accessorized with a shining silver star. Her smartphone has a pink cover. She works in a laboratory, and her husband is a producer for Palestinian television in Gaza. She has two other sons, 11 and six, at home, as well as a three-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

"My mother had cancer. She went to Israel to be treated, and recovered," Lama says. "She told me that everything is good here. When Abdullah's condition got worse, the doctor recommended that we come to Israel. My husband reached out to Shevet Achim. Now he and my mother are watching the three other kids at home."

Q: What do you tell your families about what is happening here?

Lama: "They're afraid for us, and we're afraid for them. When they call to hear how we are, I answer, 'Al Hamdullah,' so they won't be scared and worry, and when I call to ask how they are, they say the same thing. We talk about the boy, how he ate, how much he ate, how much he slept. "I tell them that the doctors here are good, that they treat us well, answer all our questions. I tell them that the food is excellent, that the women have nice clothes, about their hairstyles. I like the fashion in Israel, and the grilled chicken breast and salad they serve at the hospital."

Raida: "The medical staff thinks only about the children – whether their condition has improved, what they ate, how they slept. We sit next to their beds, don't know how they'll be from one moment to the next, whether they'll get better at all."

Q: Do they send you pictures of the strikes on Gaza?

"They send me pictures of the special Ramadan sweets," Raida answers, with a smile.

Samira, 62, is the grandmother of Yazen, who is only a month old. "I have nine grown children, and my son has four children other than Yazen. Their mother needs to take care of them, so they asked me to accompany the child. At home, when we talk about Israel, we only talk about the medical treatment we want to get here."

Moshe, the translator, tells them in Arabic not to be frightened, that they can speak freely. They all answer at once: "We aren't afraid, we're speaking honestly. Everyone wants peace. We want it to be all right."

Samira: "Inshallah, things will calm down. We aren't dealing with politics."

Q: What did you do when people in Gaza fired rockets toward this area?

Raida: "What everyone else did. The nurses took us to a safe place. The babies stayed on the unit, hooked up to respirators. I was worried about them, that they were alone, but everyone calmed us down, said that it would all be fine."

Lama: "We tried to talk to the other people in the safe area, without understanding one another. Everyone wants to know how the other's child is doing. He's sorry about my son, and I'm sorry about his."

Q: Did your families leave their homes because of the airstrikes?

Raida: "No. Everyone is in his own home."

Q: Are any of your family members involved in the fighting?

All three shake their heads, no. "Not everyone in Gaza enlists in the army," Raida says. "My husband worked in Israel. Half of Gaza used to work in Israel. You must have seen the workers who would come from Gaza."

Samira: "My father and my husband used to work in Israel."

Q: When are you going home?

Raida's eyes fill with tears. "Rana's chest is still open from the last surgery. I'm sitting with you and laughing, but my heart is crying. So I'm telling you that my every thought is for the baby. That's our situation."

Lama: "Today, Dr. Evytar said that Abdullah has an infection in his right lung, which was good. Until now he had one in his left lung. I hope it works out. I'll go back to Gaza when he gets better, but I don't know when."

Hospital Director Dr. Itai Pessach says that every year, the center treats about 500 children from Gaza and another 2,700 children from the Palestinian Authority. "They range in age from a week to 18. Some of the children arrive through the Shevet Achim organization, and others through our own coordinator."

"During the last military operation, our doctor colleagues in Gaza reached out to us about children in serious condition, and we fought to bring them to Israel during the operation. Unfortunately, we didn't succeed, and that's very sad. I'm happy we're getting back to normal," Pessach says.

According to Pessach, "we don't see any difference between a child who comes from Gaza, Nablus, or Tiberias. Our treatment looks at all the child's needs, including emotional needs and school work at the school that operates on the hospital grounds. A year ago, a nine-year-old boy with cancer arrived from Gaza who didn't know how to read and write. He returned to Gaza last month, after a year-long hospitalization, healthy and knowing how to read and write in Hebrew, Arabic, and even English."

Q: How did the patients respond to this during the Gaza fighting?

"A family from Gaza arrived two days before the operation started, and we diagnosed their son with a rare disease, one that only seven children in Israel have. By chance, two rooms away there was a Haredi family with a child who had been diagnosed with the same disease two months ago. While the rockets were falling, the Haredi mother insisted on meeting the mother from Gaza and teaching her everything she knew about the disease and how to treat it."

"There is a truly shared fate here. They feel that they're fighting against something bigger than rockets. To get better, a patient needs to feel secure, and that's what we're doing. A hospital is a home for all the patients.

"I'm happy to say that the external tensions didn't creep into the work. There was no tension between the staff and the patients. The good of the patient always comes before everything else. Even at administration meetings – everyone put aside their own political views and we managed to provide a quality medical response and protect the safety of the staff and patients," Pessach says.

The funding for the Gaza children's treatment comes mainly from donors – mostly American Christians, and some Israelis.

"Saving the life of the child is an entire world," says Jonathan Miles, founder of Shevet Achim. Miles arrive in Israel from the US in the 1990s, as a journalist, and started to volunteer with the group Christian Friends of Israel.

"We welcomed Russian immigrants to Israel. We wanted them to understand that the Jewish people have friends in the world. One day a mother from Ukraine whose child's life was in danger came to me. She had no money for medical treatment, and she begged me to help. I started raising money to help him. Wizo helped a lot, as did other people, both Jews and Christians.

"After that, I heard about sick babies in Gaza, and in 1994 I founded the organization. We bring children from Muslim states to Israel for treatment."

Amar Shami, 32, who coordinates the transfer of children from Gaza to Israel for Shevet Achim, lives in Jerusalem.

"The families who go back to Gaza tell each other about the treatment in Israel," he says. "One mother tells another. When the child has a problem, they reach out to me. Sometimes the doctors reach out directly." Q: What goes through your mind while you're busy providing treatment and rockets are flying outside?

"Inside the hospital, we detach. We only want to help them. When you go out you realize that reality is different. We hope that when the families from Gaza go home, they will sort of be our emissaries, say good things about Israel."

The night that the ceasefire between Israel and Hamas took effect, Rana's heart stopped beating, despite the doctors' best efforts. Her grandmother, Raida, left the hospital weeping. She was driven to a Shevet Achim apartment in Jaffa. When Erez crossing opened, she returned to Gaza with Rana's coffin.

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.