#spent over 6 hours at the vet (and then a second out of hours vet) with my sweet baby boy

[lu-polls]

very sorry everyone but i have no polls queued up atm as ive been a bit stressed as one of my little kitty cats isn’t doing so hot :(

[emhasthoughts]

Gertrude and the cat-avatars, pt 3

Summary: A cat with a strange pattern show up that Gertrude can never even think about getting back out. Agnes decides to bring a friend. Mike makes a friend.

A/N: Thanks @dcartcorner and the chatter in the stream that helped me decide on what type of cat Jude would be.

Not beta read, just me, my document and thoughts

Pt 1, Simon, Peter, Elias and Mike / Pt 2, Michael and Helen Distortion, Agnes / Pt 3, You're here! / Pt 4, John, Jane, Maxwell, Manuela / Pt 5, Jon, Martin, Sasha, Tim / Pt 6, Melanie, Daisy, Basira, Georgie / Pt 7, Jared, Gerry, Nikola / Bonus, a visit to the vet / Halloween bonus!

Gertrude rarely thought of getting rid of Annabelle. She was rather sure the cat had something to do with it. Annabelle had wandered into her home and fallen asleep on the armchair. At first glance she would seem like any ordinary cat, dark brown with grey stripes on the stomach and up to the back, though most of the left side was left stripeless. However, as Gertrude looked closer, she realised it was not just an ordinary pattern. In fact, some were way too straight and it all connected in a way that was not natural, as if someone had decided to take some paint and make a bleach-blonde pattern. As Gertrude looked closer she realised what it looked like. A spiderweb. 

Gertrude had named her Annabelle without too much of a second thought. Let her sleep on the sofa that night. Though as she laid awake at night she could not fully tell why she had done any of it. She had no interest in another cat and usually it had taken more than a few hours to decide on a name. Annabelle seemed very happy to just be inside. Though the times she did go outside she would always bring in living spiders that she got protective over. Gertrude was not sure why she let Annabelle live there.

Agnes came by at least once a day for an entire week alone. Getting more and more confident as time went on. Until one day she showed up with a cat next to her. A sphynx cat nearly ginger looking with some form of black mark on one of the legs. Though something told Gertrude that the cat was not actually a sphynx cat, could a cat just lose all the fur? Had it been burnt off in a fire? She was not entirely sure.

Agnes kept coming back and more often than not she had the other cat with her. Gertrude eventually named her Jude, as both seemed to stay for longer. The main problem with it was that Gertrude did not really like Jude and Jude did not seem to like her either. Often hissing if Gertrude spent too much time with Agnes, even if she had simply fallen asleep on her lap. Agnes, however, seemed perfectly happy being around and getting attention from them both. Seemingly ignoring whatever hatred was going on between a human and a cat.

There was one cat that came by once in a while. The first time she saw him he had been laying by her mailbox, ‘saw’ was a rather strong word in that case. His black and fluffy fur melted into the darkness of late November night. He had looked up as Gertrude passed him. All she had been then was bright yellow eyes, blinked, then put his head down to sleep. Or she assumed he went to sleep. 

After that she would mostly see him, well, his eyes. He did not stare at her, just looked up from whatever shadow he melted into and looked very tired to be a cat. Seriously, he did not seem to have a home and even if he did he could sleep all day. No need to look like he went to work all day. Gertrude had been rather happy to just let him be. After all, he seemed quiet and calm, just happy to lay around in the shadows, rather similar to Maxwell when she thought more about it.

In the end Mike had been the one to get the cat inside. It had been a month of living there and Gertrude had tried to let Mike go back out now that he seemed more healthy. But just like her first attempt he came back. This time not alone or with Simon. Gertrude had opened the door and Mike, though smaller than the other, had managed to push the other in. An hour later the cat had made himself comfortable in a corner of the sofa, Mike tucked into his side. Both asleep. Gertrude had a sinking feeling that the other would be staying more inside. 

She had been right as the cat was still in the house a week later. This time curled up on a table, watching Gertrude with the sleepy yellow eyes. She looked between the still unnamed cat and the food she was making and decided to name the cat Oliver. She was not very fond of ‘Olive’ just because he looked similar at the moment.

[localicecreambiter]

Chapter 2 is finally ouuutt and it only took like... a montth

ignore that :P

heres the Ao3 link, but I'll post the chapter text below this time too

Legend was not having a great day… then again, when did he ever?

New quest from the Goddess was going just great. Absolutely fantastic. Because apparently 6 adventures wasn’t enough as it stood. No, the goddesses seemingly were not satisfied with that, so a 7th was sent his way. Perks of being the favorite I guess, he thought with a tired bitterness. He stopped tracking the time they’d spent on the road after the first two weeks. It wasn’t worth the upkeep with everything going on, so why bother? Clearly Hylia’s business (it was easiest to blame her) wouldn’t be resolved any time soon, so there was no point in torturing himself by timing how long it took to get back home.

They’d gone through dozens of worlds, multiple Hyrules: some places unknown to any of them, some they call home. To say Legend had anticipated another world hopping adventure so soon would be lying, but who would know? Hylia knows not anyone else in the Chain. He could lie his ass off about virtually anything, and they’d believe it without a second thought. The few graces of being the group veteran. …not that he intended to do that. No, he liked the group too much to be that much of an ass to them.

Ah yes, the group. The Chain. His brothers in arms. His annoying compatriots that enjoyed loud mornings and exaggerated stories around the fire at night (also very loud). They were a rowdy group, sure, but Legend found he didn’t mind it all that much as the days went on. Wild may set things on fire more often than not; Twilight smelled of wet dog and talked too much about goats; Wind couldn’t keep his mouth shut, bombarding the group with questions about the most mundane things (seriously! He knew the kid was from the middle of the ocean but Legend refused to believe their resident sailor didn’t know what a pinecone was). Warriors had an ego the size of Death Mountain (great battle strategist all things considered); he admittedly knew little about Four, seemingly the most level headed of their group, but they got along together just fine. Hyrule was… well, Legend quite liked the traveler (though he’d hardly ever admit it). Time liked to keep to himself, only fueling the chaos on a few occasions, looking out for each and every one of them no matter the situation. Despite his qualms and complaints, the past however long they had spent traveling together weaved a tight knit trust and deep seeded care within the group. Not even Legend could escape from that, not that he really wanted to anyway. It was nice having someone to watch your back from time to time.

Now, back to his griping, “Ugghh! We’ve been on this stupid trail for hours! How have we not found a town yet?” The ground squelched beneath bootfalls, still puddled with rainfall from the night before and the muggy air did little to raise his spirits. It left his hair frizzed and hands sticky with moisture no matter how many times he wiped his palms on his tunic. Over the years, a lot of things had made their way onto the Things That Really Annoy the Hell Out of Legend list: humid weather made the top 20. They might as well be swimming at that point, really.

“Oh, chill out Legend. A little humidity never killed anyone,” The captain was quick to quip back, but there was no mistaking the underlying agitation in the ways Warriors fidgeted with his cape and gloves. “Your hair will be fine.” Legend snapped his hand away from his head, leaving tousled locks tangled in order to prove a point.

The vet smirked, arms crossed across his chest, “Projecting your worries onto me won’t make ‘em go away Miss Prissy Pants.” He had the pleasure of witnessing the older hero whirl around indignantly, mouth open in preparation to fire another shot.

“Enough from both of you.” Great, so it wasn’t just him growing more irritated with the humidity. Time shot the pair a warning glance, signaling there was to be no fun or joy had on their trek. Whatever, he still claimed the victory in stride, a smug grin blooming once the eldest turned away. With everyone being so tense — frankly more agitated than Legend was on a mediocre day — their impromptu hike lapsed into an awkward silence. The low rumble of storms rolling on the horizon and the abundance of cricket chatter was the best he was going to get as a distraction. So yeah. The quest was going great.

“Whose Hyrule do you think we’re in?” Legend’s ears pricked to attention, mumbled conversations behind him (usually gone ignored) peeking his interest. The two shortest — and if he had to guess, youngest — of the Chain trailed in the back, Epona clopping at their side. Wind’s hair puffed out more than usual, lower pant legs caked in mud and what Legend hoped was very pigmented clay. The kid seemed perfectly content in the weather, the son of a dodongo. Four kept running a hand through tangled locks, cringing at the way his fingers harshly caught on the knots.

“Traveler’s. Too barren to be anywhere else,” yet despite the gross weather, the smithy always held that level headedness to him. If Legend were to admit it — and he himself knew he wouldn’t — he was a bit jealous. The hero could probably watch someone keel over dead and it wouldn’t outwardly affect him. Or maybe Four was just better at compartmentalizing things for later. Either way, the kid knew how to hold himself together.

“Didn’t he say the air was toxic or something?” Legend didn’t even need to look to know the expression Wind was wearing. Left brow raised, eyes squinted slightly, pouty frown tugging his lips downward, and skeptical glint in his eye. A kid far too expressive and open for the uncaring world he was thrown into, a sinking familiarity always followed that thought. He’d been like that too when he first started, after all. Just some bright eyed kid who got thrown in the midst of something bigger than himself, paying the price for an evil he had not committed.

“No, Sailor. That was the water.” It was around then that the veteran slowed his pace slightly to walk next to Wind, expression light and curious. He had no input yet, but the message was clear: I want to be included in the conversation. It wasn’t often that Legend sought out a connection like that, letting it come to him rather. No matter how strange it felt to initiate, the others clearly didn’t mind it. He may be prickly, but he could be good company in his humble opinion.

“What?!” The two other heroes grimaced at Wind’s sudden volume, Legend skillfully suppressing a grin when a hand slapped over the kid’s mouth. “Oops. I mean… What?! Poison water??”

“No, toxic water. If it was just poison, it wouldn’t hurt you unless you drank it.”

Legend cocked a brow, deciding, “Same difference,” was a good contribution to the conversation.

Four scowled, lower lip sticking out just a tad too far. If he looked any more upset, the veteran would think he’s pouting. “No, it’s not. The difference in meaning is crucial when relaying dangerous informa-”

“How are you supposed to go sailing on that? At least back at home it’s just poison water.” Wind stared up at the pair innocently, eyes wide with questions crackling in his ocean hued gaze. Neither decided to question what the second half was supposed to mean, already having contemplated the logistics of a “great flood” before. Poison water wasn’t that far fetched when it came to the sailor’s Hyrule.

Legend snorted, “You aren’t, dimwit.”

“With a raft?” The new voice startled the trio, all three heads whipping to gawk at Hyrule. If he thought the sailor was sneaky, leave it to their traveler to catch them with their pants down (another reason he never wore pants. Never have them on, and you never get caught with them down). “…What?”

“You’ve actually sailed??”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it sailing. More just floating around on the lake until I can get to where I need to go.” Legend narrowed his eyes, gauging how Hyrule was affected by the weather while the other three chatted. He, like the sailor, seemed to have no qualms with how astoundingly horrendous it was. It irked him more than it probably should have. In the veteran’s time, it never got this nasty unless he was close to a swamp. The fact things got so fucked after he passed… It wasn’t his fault, that was for damn sure. Not very much you can do about darkness overtaking the land when you’re dead.

“It’s gonna storm soon,” the subject change ripped him from his thoughts, eyes landing on Wind. The kid was looking off at the darkening horizon, watching the clouds churn into a tempest that hopefully they would never have to brave. “I’d say in ‘round 5 flips of a sandglass.”

The group blinked owlishly, Four being the first one to put things together.

“…So 2 and a half hours?”

“Yup, sounds just about right.”

“You know, you can talk like a normal person, right?”

Wind cracked a grin, “Where I come from, that is how normal people talk.”

Legend let the conversation fade into the background, eyeing the stormy horizon just as the sailor had. With how their journey was going so far, a storm was the last thing they needed. Sure, it’d probably clear away the sticky air, but running around in the rain wasn’t something he really wanted to do at the moment. His boots were muddy enough as it was. Just as he thought to mention Wind’s storm theory, there was a buzz in the air. Magic. It was familiar — a far away familiar, but familiar nonetheless.

He stopped walking for a moment, violet eyes narrowing at the muggy surroundings. The treeline was silent, the rolling fields of dying yellow crops whipped violently in the breeze, the sky rumbled, but there was no sign of a source. The veteran’s brows furrowed further, face screwing up in suspicion that something was amiss. He knew that feeling, and he knew that he did. Something that reminded him of home in the most warped way possible, feeling almost wrong yet right all at the same time. It was confusing, eluding his conscious efforts to pinpoint just where he had felt that before.

Footsteps died out, Legend having yet to notice the rest of the Chain slowing to a stop. The burning gazes of 8 other pairs of eyes falling on one person should have alerted him, but being so caught up in that feeling… Where had he felt it before? Goddesses it was on the tip of his damn tongue. Think Legend…

A firm hand grasped his shoulder, sending a jolt through the veteran hero who instinctively reached for his sword. “Hey! Hey, easy there partner!” Legend blinked, eyes shooting up to stare down an admittedly alarmed Twilight. “You alright there? Hear a monster?” Looking past the furry blockade, everyone else was on high alert. It wasn’t like the vet to freeze up like that, not without warning.

“No. No monster from what I can tell. I’m fine I just…” His eyes landed on Wild, with his bow pulled taught and poised at the ready for an ambush, “remembered something, is all.” Technically, it was a half truth. He recognized something, yet struggled to remember where he recognized it from and what exactly it even was. It was an adequate enough answer, as the rancher backed off with a nod. Silence returned to their group, but Legend could hardly care less about that now. His mind was elsewhere. It was going to bother him for the rest of the day if he couldn’t figure out where-

A blood curdling yowl — seriously, a yowl — nearly blew out his eardrums as a particularly ugly moblin burst from the treeline with 3 more in tow.

“Why’s it making that face at me?!” Metal screeched as it clashed against steel, but there was no mistaking Four’s perturbed cry through the fray.

“Sorry about that,” came the sailor’s response, “It’s one of mine! They make some really stupid faces!” Legend had to duck and roll out of the way of an oversized shield nearly wacking into him. Two were focused on one, three on another, Time facing one alone, leaving the last to Sky, Wild, and himself.

“This one’s mine,” the Skyloftian announced to the group. “I’ll distract it so you two can get in a few backstrikes.” He hopped away, slashing for the brute’s shield while Legend crept up from the side. Drawing his tempered sword, dark blood soon seeped from the moblin’s back with no more than a few swipes and a couple arrow shots. The monster tried to turn, only to get sliced by Sky’s blade, regaining its attention. Lucky for them these things were stupider than dirt, not even able to take the defensive right. With a group of nine seasoned heroes, now more used to fighting together, it took less than 10 minutes to clear out the lot of them. With no further signs of another attack, they were free to check for injuries.

Hyrule got nicked in the side, nothing he couldn’t fix himself, Legend was sure. Twilight seemed to have taken an impromptu trip to the tailors with the new scratch marks in his undertunic. Warriors’ nose was bleeding, but other than that and a few scrapes he was fine. Everyone else got off with nothing more than a scratch or a bruise here or there. Good. That meant the veteran wouldn’t need to be dishing out any potions any time soon.

“Are we all accounted for?” Everyone turned their attention to Time, standing with a hand on his hip and the other on the hilt of his sword. He continued once he got confirmation, “If they attacked now, it probably means there’s more at a camp nearby. We’ll split up and look for it: Wind in one group and Wild in another. If one of us finds it we’ll alert the other via your.. Rock things.” The sailor beamed, ushering everyone to line up because it “was his turn to be team captain,” whatever that meant.

Ultimately, he was placed in Wind’s group with Warriors, and Time. They had more than enough manpower with the two war veterans, the sailor, and the actual vet. Wild had a map, and Wind was their best navigator, so getting back up would be easy as pie… if that pie was on fire with raw crust and half cooked filling. Yeah, splitting up in unfamiliar woods is never a good idea.

Especially when you’re trying to fight off an archer ambush and your navigator is being shot at.

“I’m gonna need a second- FUCK!!” An arrow shaft stuck haphazardly in the sailor’s arm, jostling with every move he made. “Shit! Oh, that’s gonna hurt-”

“Focus! Make sure Wild can find us. We’ll cover you!” Warriors, on cue, blocked another volley with Wind’s dropped mirror shield. If it weren’t such a high stress situation, Legend could’ve sworn the captain would say something stupid like “return to sender” or “eat shaft.” The thought made him smirk, distracting him long enough that their attackers managed to graze his leg.

“Oh, for the love of Zephos!” The vet didn’t have time to turn around and check on their youngest, reflecting back another volley himself in hopes to hit something. A flash of grey caught his eye, loud snarling following a blur of fur and monster parts. Back up had finally arrived.

“Took long enough!”

“Hey, blame Wind! Would’ve been here faster if he held onto his rock!” Long, unruly hair streamed behind a dirt covered, scared face. With a few THUNKS a handful of their assailants went down, yellow energy crackling out of the disintegrating bodies.

“You try and hold a stupid rock while being shot at!” The sailor grabbed Legend’s arm and yanked him to the side just in time for an arrow to narrowly miss piercing his nose, much to the veteran’s dismay. “I had that-”

“Sure you did!” Wind ducked out of the way of a sword slash, coming face to face with more moblins. “Think we found that monster camp yet?”

Legend really didn’t know how the kid could keep up the quips while avoiding getting smacked in the head, pulling his blade back out for round 2. Digging in his bag, he fished out a hookshot for some spontaneous strategizing. Latching it into a tree somewhere off in the fray, he took the opportunity to zip around and stun anything and everything. Battle was serious, sure, but having a little fun with it when you’re winning couldn’t hurt.

When the dust settled, all that was left was a single black lizalfos.

The black lizalfos.

Who made a break for it the second it realized it was outnumbered, like the damn coward it was.

Chasing did little for the group, as their path ended in a clearing with a large portal swirling before them. He caught Time making a mental check of everyone before pairing them up to go through: Twilight and Wild, Sky and Four, Hyrule and himself with Wind tagging along, leaving Time and Warriors to follow up at the back.

“Stick close together. So far these portals have spat us out in the same place, but we never know when that will change.”

“I just hope the weather is nicer wherever we end up,” Legend heard Warriors mutter, most likely jinxing the group with his stupid wishing. If the weather was anything but pleasant he was going to throttle the captain.

“Best get goin’. The storm be upon us soon,” Wind ever so gently (read: not at all gently) pushed Wild toward the swirling vortex. Everytime Legend saw one of the portals, he was reminded how little the light mattered as it was eaten away by the vast darkness before them. In some strange, twisted way, he found solace in that. If there were to be one constant, he’d rather it be the comfort of darkness than a blinding light… but maybe he was biased. After all, few of the best people came from the Darkness. A flash of purple rabbit ears and sharp red eyes pulled at his lips, threatening to spill his happy memories for all to see. But no, he grabbed at those images, shoving them back into their respective places and neatly filing them away in the crevices of his mind. Those were his and his alone to keep, for none to see and not to be shared. Not yet, at least. Not after what had been said. Not until apologies were made. Until then, the fleeting feeling of fond annoyance and steely, yet soft gazes hurt too much to remember.

“Hey, earth to Ledge! We’re about to go through!” Right, the portal. They were on a completely different quest. Now was not the time to be taking a trip down memory lane. With a deep breath, hands firmly held by the traveler and the sailor, he stepped into the void churning before him.

[dragons-and-misc]

a lot has happened over the past few months.

tw: animal death, depression

TL;DR:

Was real depressed, failed a course

Got a chance to make up for failed course, passed

Got real depressed again, failed another course

Fought it, passed the course

My cat died

Started a co-op placement

Feelin' weird today

-----

I failed a course in my bachelor's program because I was going through a depressive episode. It was right around the time I started most of my blogs on here. I just... couldn't keep up with anything. I was gone to the world, and being here was a beautiful respite. My spouse was (and still is) beautifully supportive, and I'm so thankful I have them.

But I got the chance to make up for it. I got an extra assignment (on top of the course load for the next semester), and I managed to pass. The extreme high of passing and knowing I was still in my program was met with another crash. Another episode. I was gone to the world again, but I was too embarrassed and sad to post anywhere. I don't remember much from my winter 2023 semester, just that I wasn't... here, you know? I wasn't in my body. I was somewhere else.

I failed another course, but this time, I fought it. It was law (why they made us take a law course in a design program, I'll never know), and I failed by 2%. I fought. I was so fucking angry and distressed, but the prof relented. I can't go into the details of it. I'll just get mad. Suffice to say, I'm glad I passed.

I got a co-op placement. I was overjoyed. Things were looking up. I had a week between the end of my winter semester and my 8-month placement starting.

My semester ended on April 21st. I saw a friend on the 22nd. On the 23rd, my cat didn't get up for breakfast. He just laid on the couch, raised his head, and set it back down. I should've taken that as a sign something was very wrong, but I brushed it off. My spouse fretted over him (an understatement, I assure you).

He hadn't really eaten anything by the 24th. We took him to the emergency vet.

The 24th, 25th, and 26th were a mess. The poor thing was in and out of three clinics - two emergency and our regular vet's office. I slept on the floor with my kitten. I barely ate. I tried to be nonchalant. Of course my baby was fine - he just wanted to freak us out. He'd done it before, and we'd all come out of it alright. My spouse was anxious, and I couldn't blame them.

On the night of the 26th, I finally let myself descend into worry. I asked my spouse, "You think he's gonna be okay... right?" 

They reassured me. He was going to be okay. He was being monitored, and his condition was taking a turn for the better. He was going to come home tomorrow. I was so confident that everything would be okay that I saw a friend on the 27th.

It was mid-to-late afternoon when my spouse called me. I thought maybe it was time to pick up my cat.

I remember saying, "Hey honey, what's up?" They were quiet for just a second, and then I heard a choking sob. I knew. I knew. I knew. They didn't have to say it. I knew. I couldn't move. The friend I was with called my name once. Twice. I was frozen. I knew. I knew. I knew.

Kidney failure. He wasn't going to make it, and we weren't going to let him suffer. We rushed to the vet's office. Our friend stayed with us the whole time. When he was brought into the room, we all knew it was time.

I'm grateful that I got to hold him as he passed. I held him in my arms, repeating, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

It's been 4 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days since my kitten died. A family member warned me not to ritualize his death - that it would only make it harder to find peace. They're right. I don't care. I want to know how long I've been without him. One day, I won't need to know. But right now, I do.

I started my co-op placement on Monday, May 1st. I spent 4 hours commuting (2 hours to work and 2 hours to home) for the first 3ish months. I was exhausted all the time. I would get up at 5:30 am, leave the house at 6:00 am, come home at 6:00 pm - 6:30 pm, and be asleep by 7:30 pm - 8:00 pm.

I started to work from home in late July (thank fucking gods). I get up a half hour before I'm supposed to start most days. I'm still tired, but not as much.

I like my placement. I like the work, I like my coworkers. I like what I do. If I hadn't had this structure, I would have toppled harder into the abyss. I only cried at my desk a few times, and I think only one person picked up on it (and only once). I don't think I would have done anything rash, but the summer months would have been lost.

I miss my kitten. I dream about him from time to time. I won't dig deep into my spiritual beliefs in this post, but I know he's visited. I know it's him in the dreams where he presses his forehead to mine. I know that when I tell him, "I know, buddy, I missed you too," it's not just a subconscious form of coping.

I can't remember him very well when I'm awake. Sometimes, it feels like we never had two cats, just one. I have difficulty remembering where he would curl up or the sound of his meow. When he first passed, I thought I saw him everywhere. Now, it's all fuzzy around the edges.

But when I dream, I see him healthy and happy. He's firm. He's here.

Sorry. This is the part that's been sticking with me the most. Maybe it's because losing him was so recent. Maybe because I just... can't remember much between October 2022 and April 2023.

Good things have been happening, too.

I've been learning Blender (though I don't think I've drawn anything for the past month and a half). My spouse and I have had beautiful days together. I've seen friends. Thanks to my co-op being paid, we've gotten some things we've needed for a long time.

I read a lot of r/NoSleep on Reddit. It makes me want to write again. I got Tears of the Kingdom and decided to go for 100% on this run. I got Portal 1 and 2 on my switch - I beat Portal 2 for the first time a couple of weeks ago (god, it's a good game). I was playing DnD with an old friend, but work got in the way. I think I'll be able to pick up again soon, though.

I dream of my kitten.

I'm feeling empty today. Well, not exactly empty. My head is a jar with a hornet inside. I can't focus on anything, and I feel like I'm vibrating, but I can't bring myself to move. I don't feel sad, but I don't feel happy. I guess I'm anxious.

This is a lot. And it's really just a stream of consciousness at this point. I dunno. I'm still going to post this and repost it to my other blogs (DiscoBrainRot and MightBeArt), but it might all get deleted at some point. I dunno.

Anyways. I hope I come back to posting more. Hopefully soon. I hope to get back to drawing and share some of the stuff I'm doing in Blender. I can't make any promises, but I can try.

A lot has happened over the past few months. I'm tired. But I'm okay. Or I will be.

And that's enough.

[huuxy]

So... I need to vent.

Our dog, 11 years old, passed a few months ago due to sickness (and also old age) and we didn't want a dog for a while.

First, because we have 6 cats, which is already a huge burden financially and other ways. We do love them ofc, but I admit it's a lot and it's very draining.

Second, because of the tiny human who was born last year November.

But this summer an acquaintance called us saying he found an abandoned dog next to the highway, and if we could adopt her. The dog needed help. We're people who can't turn our backs on anyone needing help. We were like, alright. Well give this dog a home. We'll try not to get too attached though. We'll give her the best food, toys, a giant backyard and a warm place to sleep. But we can't spend too much time with her, due to the above mentioned reasons. But still, it will be better for her than the other options she had.

It went well. For a while. Then she started throwing up. Vet said she was sensitive to her food. We donated the huge bulk of food we bought and got new food. She was fine for a while. Then she got worse again. Vet said, she must have eaten something weird in the backyard. Possible, I said. She's a very stupid dog honestly. We tried to put her on a diet. Got better, then worse. Nothing stayed in her anymore. Vet again. X-ray showed she has megaoesophagus.

The diagnosis wad bad in itself, but we had to find out if food can even reach her stomach at all, or if it's fully closed. There was only one doctor who did endoscopy in the country. 2 and an half hours drive from here, in the capital. Ok, we got an appointment, even though we're already in negative money-wise.

So, she was tested and the vet did the endoscopy. Her stomach was cleaned and she was sent home. Now she has to be fed 4-5 times a day tiny amounts and has to be held vertically for at least 20 minutes after that.

Yep.

The dog we didn't have time to get attached to, because we were busy, now has to be fed in a special way. And what's worse, she's issued to be an indoor dog from now on. She, who's a very much outdoorsy dog. This is horrible in every way. I can't afford staying still with the dog 20 minutes 5 times a day while tiny human is nyooming around the house hurting himself or who knows what else. The dog will go crazy indoors. The cats will go crazy if the dog is there. Vet bills already made sure we don't have a Christmas anymore, but we still have to keep bringing her to regular check ups.

So honestly I just want to scream.

We wanted to do something good. Take in the dog even though we were still mourning over the loss of our old dog and while trying to adjust being a 3 member family. But now I feel suffocated. I'm already depressed over not having time to draw and forgetting how to draw in general. Now as it seems, if I even have any free time in the future, it will be spent on keeping the dog alive. I love the dog, but I can't help feeling dreaded by this. She's 8 months old. So as it seems, we'll have about 10 years of special treatment for a dog we barely had time for in the first place.

And above all this, I'm sick for 2 weeks. The sickness is kinda over, but the infection went to my ears and I cannot hear almost anything for more than a week now. All this while tiny human is also being sick. I can barely even hear when he's crying and needing me...

I'm drained. I'm soooooo drained.

[whatologys]

prompt list

i found a bunch if lists and here they are: (i might add new ones sometime but now its just this)

dialogue prompts:

"Wait, you’re telling me it’s supposed to taste like this??"

"It’s not wise to live a life where you make decisions based on compassion and love in a world that won’t show you any."

"Let's save us both some time and just be honest with each other from the start. If you're not, I'll find out eventually anyway, so let's just cut the crap right from the get-go."

"Isn't this enough?"

"Are you afraid?" "Of you? Never."

"Don't ever make me do that again."

"What are you doing?" "I told you, you have to trust me. I figure I should prove to you that you can."

"How stupid do you think I am?!"

"You owe me." "I don't owe you anything."

"I can't believe you carried me off like that, you made me look like a weakling in front of everyone!" "You were dying-" 

(list by @skriveting)

angst prompts:

“You left me for them. How could you?”

“ I’ll love you from afar,even if it hurts me.”

“I thought you loved me?was it all just an act?”

“Friends?Friends.Right.That’s all we are.”

“I want you to be happy,even if it’s not with me.”

“You didn’t have to go so far to say that,how could you?”

“Is this some kind of game to you? Is my love just a game?”

“I can never see you the same anymore.”

“I don’t even know you anymore.”

“You don’t know me?hell! I don’t even know myself.”

“Thanks a lot! I regret talking to you!”

“You made my life living hell!”

“You’re nothing special in my life anymore,leave.”

“Beg all you want! I’m not changing my fucking mind.”

“Please leave. Leave for fuck sake!”

“ stop using the word love,you don’t even know what it is.”

“You never loved me the same,did you?”

“I spent all of my time and money on you! I never got the same.”

“You walked out of my life,and now you want to come in? No thank you.”

“You chose them over me,I was never even an option. Was I?”

“I’m fucking done with you. What you did was messed up all the way!”

“Pack your things and go. I never want to see your shameless face again.”

“I sacrificed every fucking thing I had! Just for you to leave.”

“All the memories we had together,and you let them go inside a drain.”

“You promised me you wouldn’t leave. So why did you?”

“Why am I always the problem! You’re just as shitty as I am”

“You’ll never have my respect again, I definitely won’t make the same mistakes twice. Trust me.”

“You lied to me! After all these years,you lied!”

“Sorry? You’re sorry? Why the fuck are you telling me this now!”

“I’ve seen enough,I’m leaving you for good this time.”

(list by @justlydiasworld)

prompts for exes:

1 ⌜Tried not to be awkward after seeing you again, but I accidentally bowed when you tried shaking my hand and you poked me in the eye⌟

⋆ 2 ⌜It’s late and we both still use the same laundromat and aren’t those the Danny Phantom pajamas I gave you for Christmas?⌟

⋆ 3 ⌜We’re supposed to be on a break but you won’t stop being cute so it’s getting really difficult to remember why I asked us to take it in the first place⌟

⋆ 4 ⌜Found that stupid little box I kept all the cute notes you passed me secretly in class after a clean out. So now I’m standing in front of your door sobbing over when you asked me what my favourite anime was⌟

⋆ 5  ⌜I think my dog is badly hurt and I don’t know what to do and I have no other option but to call you at this hour because you’re the only vet I know⌟

⋆ 6 ⌜My mum was so upset we broke up and is bugging me about it, so can you put me out of my misery and just say we’re back together for her sake⌟

⋆ 7 ⌜We’ve only been broken up for ten seconds and you just asked me if we’re still up for dinner tomorrow night⌟

⋆ 8 ⌜I was scrolling back through your old Instagram and accidentally liked a post from 2 years ago. To makes things worse, I have to see you tomorrow⌟

⋆ 9 ⌜Why did you have to call me when you’re drunk to talk about gibberish at 3 am?⌟

⋆ 10  ⌜You invite me over to babysit your baby brother/sister because I was the only one who managed to calm her down⌟

⋆ 11 ⌜you caught me at an all-time low, but you still manage to make me laugh as I cry hysterically⌟

⋆ 12 ⌜I go in for a regular blood donation but I forget you worked there and now you could see my pressure was a little too high around you, still⌟

⋆ 13 ⌜You remembered I wanted a pet for my birthday and you still got it for me besides our break up. Isn’t that strange for exes?⌟

⋆ 14 ⌜We find each other on the train and you wonder what I’m listening to, so I give you my second earbud. Weird how it still feels the same listening to that song⌟

⋆ 15 ⌜I prank call you with my friends to cuss you out but you end up being a sweetheart⌟

(list by @jjkstit altough it was reblogged by someone and i can't find their name lol)

[agrimmlovecauseallchildrengrowup]

You asked me today why I don't have a boyfriend and I was trying to explain it... but you kept having to hang up to make other calls. I was trying to open up and I felt like I was getting shut down.

My first bf, I thought that would be forever. 5.5 years down the drain after he did drugs and cheated and then broke up with me. Man we had an engagement ring and he met my Australian family, that is how serious is was.

My second boyfriend, well it last 6-8 months. I try to block it out really because I gave him things I had never considered with my first ex so that he would stay with me. After a threesome he still chose the other girl and told me he didn't wanna be with a pig one day. (Not because I'm fat lol but because I wanted to be a cop and he was a coke head.)

After that I gave up on men and relationships. No one, and I do mean no one, was able to sway me towards dating. I had a couple of guys try really hard too, like fancy dinner dates to fogo and massages and paying for my nails... a guy who always bought me a single flower every time we hung out. There was one guy who stayed on the phone with me all night while my dog was in the emergency vet, and then spent the next night with me (without sex) to hold me while I cried myself to sleep after driving five hours to be with me. These are men that I will never forget but never wanted anything more with...

Then I had to go get attached to you, a married man who is separating. Can't even make the time to come hang out with me haha even though you're the one who always says it's just a two hour drive. Sure the phone calls are great but at the end of the day it is always just words.

Words kill my mind and yet I want a future with you. I don't know why. You're physically my type, and I like your personality most of the time... but really what do I know about you?

It's funny because I had given up on all of that. I had a pact with a fwb that no matter how long we went without seeing each other we would always be there for sex. I've thrown him away for you... this distant idea that I might have a future with you. He was good for me too. 3 years ago we met and started fucking. He is way older and had some very good advice about life for me. It was never anything serious but we had each other and even at that point I would never consider anything more serious with him; there were no feelings. And now with you, I'm over here celibate and frustrated and trying to be open to new things, all because I want a future with you. Why!? We aren't even dating, we are nothing and you only have pretty words for me. Why why why?

Why?

Why?

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

[funkymbtifiction]

9-fixed 6 behaviors

It always surprises me when people aren’t aware of being 6s, because I relate so much to the stressful “over-thinking” and “planning” element of the 6. I’ll give you an example from stuff going on in my life right now. My cat is having ongoing skin issues, and for a while, the medication one vet gave me was working fine to deal with the occasional flare-ups, but now whenever I quit giving him the oral medication, within three days his skin condition comes back.

Because 9 is my second fix, inertia and “wait and see” is my typical method; but this has not been working in this instance, which lead me to the angst of “what should I do about this?” I thought about it, and thought about it, and then reminded myself not to be “doing-repressed,” so I booked an appointment with a second vet for a fresh opinion. It’s two days away. Which isn’t good, because now I have two days to do the “over-thinking/preparing 6 thing.”

What does that look like, you might ask?

Anticipating what might get said, and what to do about it. As if I am living it out in advance, mentally preparing for whatever the answer might be, and then planning in advance of how to handle it, instead of just waiting, finding out what they have to say, and responding to it.

For example:

If this is chronic and due to a food allergy, what might they say?

1) Since the oral meds are not working, steroid shots are the answer. Since I can’t be hauling this cat to the vet every four weeks for a shot (we live over an hour away and it’s deeply stressful for him to be in the car), that means I have to learn how to give steroid shots. And get a prescription for them, so I can order them straight from Chewy, as opposed to picking them up at the vet’s every month. And then establish a schedule so he doesn’t miss his shot… (and dread giving him his shot, but at least the hatred he will give me once a month is less than the hatred he gives me every day for forcing foul-tasting medicine down his throat…)

2) The vet might want to do an elimination diet, which means he can only eat a special, expensive brand food for the four-to-six months it takes to see if that cures up his dermatitis. That starts me thinking about, “But I just spent $$ on cat food (what do I do with it? well, I could donate it to the shelter/a friend/my hairdresser for her outside cats, and then I need to order the special food…),” and “what if he hates this new food and won’t eat it” (since he is notoriously picky), and how do I keep the other cat from eating it? And in the meantime, will he still need a shot and/or oral medication (and how much is this all going to cost, and how long will it be before I see an improvement, and what if this doesn’t work either, then what??)? …

3) It’s not an allergy, but feline HIV. I don’t know much about that, what do they do about that? Is it more medicine or shots? What might that involve? (I should do research, so I can plan better…)

4) If it’s something else and can be cured, what might that involve? Will he need a blood test? How long will that take? Did I cause this? If so, how? Could he be allergic to my other cat? Is that possible? If so, what do I do about it? I don’t want to give up one cat for another… (who could take my second cat? I don’t trust other people to take good care of my pets :P)

A 9 would just make an appointment, and then go there and see, in their usual state of calm. As a 6, I am busy trying to do the vet’s job for them, and think ahead, and come up with logical solutions to any possible thing they might say – the sort of chronic “over-thinking” that becomes unnecessary if and when I get to the vet and they both have a solution and tell me what to do, exactly. This is 6-ness. Think, think, think, plan. Plan my day. Plan what I want to get done. Plan how this is going to happen. Plan how to respond to it. Think about this problem (do nothing, think some more). Get stuck in thinking and mired in “what if?” (What if nothing can be done? what if I can’t do it? What if there is no solution? What if they don’t know what they are talking about?) It goes around and around and around unless I intentionally try to stop it, and that is much, much harder than it sounds.

And then the good ole 9 fix says, “You seem anxious, and I don’t like being anxious, it makes me tired; so the response is to go numb, to distract yourself by ‘busy work’ that accomplishes nothing, to watch 18 hours of this series, or just to do nothing and hope the situation somehow magically resolves itself.” (Gee, thanks, 9 fix. So helpful.)

(I won't mention the over-thinking angst centered around choosing which vet to call, since what if they don't know what they are talking about, or if that other vet would have been the better choice..?)

[btsydtrash]

Promise [2]

Deaf hitman Park Jimin x vet YN; amnesia AU

YN has only ever dreamed of a world where she gets to care for her animals and sit by the beach, doing nothing but the things she wants.

Jimin has never allowed himself to dream of anything. He is owned. He is someone else’s property. He can’t dream of freedom because to dream is to yearn and to yearn is to be disappointed.

Still, what happens when a woman full of dreams and a man terrified of his own come together?

Masterlist  /  i don’t have a tag list  /  find me on twitter  /  word count: 1.7k

(AU: While I enjoy writing realistic stories, this one has many ‘common sense’ holes that I would like you to ignore for the sake of the fantasy world creation. Future smut and gore. Jimin is a badass. He’s also deaf. This story will only be about 10 chapters long. Shorter than my other ones. I’ve already written up 6 so far. I’ll update once a month. Hope you like it!)

(yandere / angst / gore / fluff / smut / violence)

Chapter 2: ‘Recovery’

Getting the hundred and sixty something man into the clinic was a much easier plan in creation than in practice. He wouldn’t wake up when you parked the car, even after you tap him on the face and shake his shoulders a touch rougher than you would have done with anyone else.

His head lols to the side and when you peel his eyelids back, you can see that there was no conscious engagement but his pupils react so you knew he was at least alive.

You carry him on your back, unable to keep steady but holding most of his weight carefully. He groans into your ear, pain-laced and your heart clenches at the sound, when you have to balance him on your shoulders by bending you knees slightly, trying to get your key out of your pocket.

“Sorry, big guy,” you mumble, nudging the door open and getting him in. Blood drips down his arms, splatting against the floor in frightening droplets, and you nudge him onto the sterilized metal slab in the animal surgery.

Leaning against the empty tool tray, you wipe the beading sweat off with the back of your hand and observe him, hesitant to touch him but knowing you have to do something to at least stop the bleeding.

Hastily, you grab tools; gauze, forceps, sutures and solution for wound irrigation. You hadn’t had any experience doing this completely alone but you were determined to do it successfully.

Flicking down the surgical loupes, you reach for the overhead light and use a pair of surgical scissors to cut the shirt off his body. The sheen of sweat and blood wasn’t enough to distract you from the sheer expanse of his tattoo art that covered both arms and his pectorals and from your spot at the crown of his head, you could see them trail explore the entirety of his broad back.

Hours pass and miles of gauze later, you lean back, exhausted but thoroughly satisfied with the clean up of his wounds. A through-and-through gun shot wound to the shoulder that would need several months to heal up correctly. There was a knife wound to his calf, a long slice down that would have to have come from a pretty dangerous blade, that left you with a bitch of a lower back ache as you spent some hours stitching up the wound, carefully. The stranger had some bruising on his face and upper body, as if he had been in a terrible fight, but that would heal in some days with proper rest.

You toss away the second pair of gloves you had used and use a new pair to sterilize the tools you had used, after tossing a clean disposable blanket over his body. You had had to put him under to get through the surgery, so he would be asleep for the next couple of hours. Once everything was clean, and the sun was rising above the line of beautiful mountains you could see through the front window of the clinic, you feel like you can finally breathe right.

Quietly, you make a cup of coffee, the sounds of the animals rising in their comfy cages in the back of the clinic jolts you into action. You knew you wouldn’t be able to open the store for the day, not with the comatose, wounded body on your surgery table, so you put a sign up out the front, you close the blinds, bathing the room in darkness, and you tend to the animals.

“Hi, Cleo,” you murmur at the pretty American Curl whose owner had brought her in with a broken front paw. She bumps her nose against your fingers as you scratch at the crown of her head and she purrs, happily, at the contact.

“Morning, Moss,” you say, shoveling a handful of insects and earthworms into the cage of the pretty green and yellow ringneck snake whose owner had to go into the hospital for a nasty fall in the rice patty fields. The snake sidles out of his hole and as you’re adjusting his overhead light, he chows down on his breakfast. “You’re eating so much better than when you first came here.”

His owner was a little old but had a real affinity for his snake. They had a wonderful bond, and the snake was suffering a little bit of separation anxiety. Moss wouldn’t eat a full bowl the first two nights since he arrived, but now, he’s happily eating like the rest of your inmates.

Once you finish your rounds of all the animals, greeting and petting them as you go, you move into the surgery room to observe the still-sleeping man. Having wiped off the blood and grit that had coated his face, neck and hands, you are able to properly see his features and boy, was he stunning.

Dark brown hair parted nicely at the left of his head despite being matted with blood and greasy from dried sweat, shorter on one side than the other and cut close to the nape of his neck. Heavy, dark brows above his nicely shaped eyes. You don’t remember the color of his eyes, but you presume they were dark like the rest of him.

Both sides of his strong neck are tattooed, the most notable being a large stylized ‘J’ under his jaw, black twisting lines trailing down his spine, across the expanse of his whole back and both arms, shoulder to wrist, stopping abruptly at the bottom of his hand. The art on his body was detailed, very beautiful and delicate-looking despite making him infinitely more intimidating despite his unconscious state.

His nose is strong, sloping a little, and his lips are plump and shapely, although dry and sore-looking from the beat-down he received. His knuckles are shredded so you assume he gave just as good as he got.

You couldn’t help but notice the differences between you hands and his own: your fingers are thinner but well-worked. You didn’t have time to get your nails done (the chemical smell would bother the animals, and having any length was just asking for glove tears so you tossed glamorous nails on top of the pile of things you had to go without to pursue your loved profession), and some hand-creams smelled too strong for the animals so you did your best with vaseline. His hands, though, are covered in callouses, both the palm and his knuckles scarred over with bumps of stitched up skin. The blood that had dried under his nails, you spent some time carefully cleaning out, twisting his limp hands in between your palms.

You spent a couple hours watching him, observing his condition and changing out his I.V drip so he could rehydrate while he slept. You even went through his jacket pockets. It was soaked in mostly-dried blood, some patches still wet and sticky against your fingers and it turns your stomach to even consider the seriousness of your situation, and heavy, and it smelled strongly of cigarettes.

Some time later, as you were reading one of the dog-eared novels you kept in your desk for the many hours you and your manager would spend doing nothing (because the town was small and you didn’t have animals to care for every second of the day), you see him twitch over the head of the book.

His forehead crumples up, as if he’s having a nightmare, and he twitches again, sharper this time.

Quickly, you roll over in your office chair, putting the book aside, and reach for his wrist. You look down at your small watch and time his pulse - steady.

His eyes blink open, slowly at first, before chocolate-brown orbs flash open and he shoots up, almost knocking you over.

“Hey, hey,” you tell him, reaching for his shoulders to push his down, moderate but firm. “You’re okay. You’re safe here. It’s okay.”

The man looks around, like a disorientated, frightened animal, before his eyes land on your face and he frowns, confused. His fingers start moving, wildly at first, the more he panics.

“You’re… deaf?”

His confused look turns into an almost childlike glower before he gives you a look that signifies, ‘Well, obviously.’

You exhale and recline in the chair. “I don’t understand sign too well.”

He looks around the room, eyes landing on something behind you and he begins pointing at it, insistently. You look back and roll over to the desk to retrieve the item. You roll back over toward him and hand him the notepad and the biro pen.

He scribbles his thoughts down quickly, messy scrawl across the page.

I don’t remember anything. Who are you?

“My name’s YN. I found you last night,” you tell him, speaking a little slower.

I can read lips.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem like you couldn’t,” you apologize, sheepishly. He stares at you for a long moment before he nods, accepting your words. “You say you don’t remember anything?”

He shakes his head, expression before strangely vulnerable. He writes. It’s all black. I don’t even know my own name.

You frown, eyes scanning over his body. He looks haggard, dark circles under his bruised eyes and his busted lip being worked between his front teeth. “I think we should go to the police.”

The man flinches at the suggestion, face crumpling in what you would liken closest to horror. Something in me feels… bad about that.

He takes a moment to think before he goes back to writing, intently. I’ll just get out of your way. I’ll figure it out.

“You spent the last 12 hours recovering from a gunshot wound and a terrible beating to your body,” you tell him, concerned. He looks over at himself, as if only now noticing the injuries on his body. “You wouldn’t be able to take care of yourself even if you tried.”

He bites his lip, harder, and you can imagine that the aches and pains are hitting him now that he’s conscious of the wounds. I don’t want to go to the police. I’m scared.

“I know,” you retort, gently. The man reaches for your hand, his own trembling slightly. The sight of someone so big seeming so pathetic and weak twists at your gut, the guilt and a strange sense of responsibility to this lost-looking man forcing the next words from your lips, despite you logically knowing it to be a stupid decision. “I’ll try to help you, okay?”

He glances up at you. Thank you, YN. He lays down then, his entire body relaxing as he exhales, never letting go of your hand, not even as he falls asleep.

- end - 

(1) (2)

[cowboyjen68]

my girlfriend and i are saving up right now to buy land and eventually run a farm full time! do you have any advice on things to look out for, how to start and what it's like to have a farm? im very excited and looking forward to this new life in the next few years and i was just wondering if you had any tips!

It kind of depends on if you want to run a full for profit farm or a hobby farm or just line on an acreage with a garden and some pet live stock. Some things I have learned that will apply to any of these.

 1. If the house is a fixer upper (ie old farm house) consider financing enough to have a professional contractor do the bigger jobs.. roofing, siding, flooring, plumbing etc. The things that will make the house (bathroom, kitchen, bedroom) livable and comfortable. It sucks to work outside all day and have to come in to construction and debris

 2. Consider hiring people to also to the small stuff, paint, trim, seal etc. If you move in with the intention of redoing all that stuff I can guarantee in 10 years you still don't have trim in the bathroom or paint on that blue peeling wall. 

 3.GOOD WELL 

4.Good Septic

 5. Good electrical 

 6. First priority is to make sure you have power and water that won't freeze in the winter to anywhere animals will live. Hauling buckets in 5 feet drifts of snow in the winter is NOT fun. Working in the dark (at 5 pm) is not either. 

7. DO NOT go get live stock until you have AT least shelter/some fence or enclosure and the basics in place. If you go to just "LOOK" you will buy something had have to scramble to find hay, feed, shelter and a fence for that new baby goat and one eyed alpaca.

 8. Good fencing that is appropriate for any animal you MIGHT get. Goats require more than horses. You can start small and work out. Sturdy is better than more area

 9. If you get dogs or a dog make sure they have low prey instinct and introduce them to live stock. Or you will have a bunch of dead chickens and a dog that is quite pleased with herself. 

 10. Cats are pets and also, working animals on a farm. Feed them, vet them, love them, have them in your home as part of the family. Keep at least two.

11. Tools, tractors, boards, equipment etc can often be purchased for much less at auctions. dds on FB market place for things you need are often free or cheap. Don’t be afraid to put a list out there. Lots of people need to clean the 8 shovels out of their shed or garage.  (Don’t over spend.. know the cost of new before you buy what looks like a good deal only to find out you can get that same shovel for half brand new at Menards)

12. Keep WD-40 in all cars, out buildings, garages and house. Spray all metal tools after each use before putting them away>  Just takes a second and will prevent rust. 

13. Decide how many coffee cans and jars of random screws and bolts you ACTUALLY need of they will take over you work place and your children will inherit them> 14. Keep a cheap hammer in every building. And a pair of scissors

15. Get a good pocket knife. I prefer the roper style. Does not need to be metal or heavy or expensive. One with is sharp and locks. Get used to putting it in your pocket every morning. 

16. There is, of course, much more, tools lists, tips and tricks etc. But one last piece of advice. IT is worth taking days from the outside fun stuff or needed yard up keep to clean and organize work spaces. Clean and organize work benches and tools, pick a place for things like electric tools, hand tools, trailer hitches and supplies, bungee cords and ratchets, and gas cans. What ever. Hang old cabinets or recycle wood for shelves. All that work will be so helpful. NOTHING is worse than spending an hour trying to find something for a project or having to stop and run to town to buy a new hitch before you can haul the wood or hay. It will get messy through the year so it has to be done at least yearly (Especially if you live with others). SO worth the time spent.

Good luck and I hope you find your dream homestead soon!!

[fleetingpieces]

My One in a Million CH 6

Here we go! Thanks for the patience and support everyone❤️

Thank you to my amazing betas @knittingdreams and @inloveoknutzy I love you both so much❤️

And thank you so much lovely @heyitssmiller for your amazing vet knowledge and kind help, I hope what I wrote makes sense!😅

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added! <3 )

@justdyingontheinside @donttouchmycarrots @heyoitslysso @whataboutmyfries @sunflowerfox87 @hereforwolfstarr @potterlocked24-7 @cheekeebabe

CW: dog getting sick

Here’s the Masterlist, and the story in Ao3 if you prefer to read there :)

Chapter 6 - Water tides

Remus let the water wrap around him lazily as he swam down the middle of Gryffindor Tower’s indoor pool at a serene pace. He was glad to have the place all to himself that late afternoon, as he was exhausted after a pretty intense workout.

His day had been fully booked; he’d been out since morning, only stopping home long enough to grab his gym bag and head to the building’s top floor. He was trying to clear his head and organize his thoughts, but just like in the past three days, his mind drifted to the gift that was still sitting face-down in his guestroom, waiting for him to figure out what the hell to do with it.

As he reached the other end of the pool, he stood there with his hands caressing the surface of the water, feeling the slight resistance it made against his palms.

Sirius had seemed so genuinely sorry and like he was really putting in the effort, and Remus didn’t know what to make of it. It was still hard to believe how fast things had changed; this was the man that had been driving him crazy for weeks... but he was also the one that was making Remus open up about his past, even if it was just a little bit. Even Cocoa liked him. It’d been really hard for Remus not to turn into a fucking pile of goo when he saw them together, and fuck if Sirius’ starstruck face didn’t do things to him. People were usually afraid of Cocoa, but Sirius had opened his arms to him straight away.

What an adorable bastard.

Remus groaned and dived underwater. He stayed in place, floating with his eyes closed. Doing this always gave him a sense of peace that very few other things could. With the exception of yoga, maybe.

It was terribly ironic how sometimes he felt like he couldn’t bring air into his lungs when he remembered that time, but being underwater felt so soothing, even if he was obviously not breathing. There was something about the stillness of it and how weightless it made him feel, as if nothing could bring him down; and having his eyes closed, he could imagine having infinite space all around him, like maybe he’d blink and he’d be floating with the stars.

A splash of bubbles that could only mean another person had jumped into the pool reached his ears.

Remus held on for a few seconds more before he stood up, breaking the surface as he passed a hand through his face and hair to get the water out of his eyes.

“Merde.”

The whispered word echoed in the big room, though Remus was probably not supposed to hear it. He froze with a hand still in his curls and turned towards the voice.

“Sorry, I thought it was empty,” Sirius said from a few feet away. He lifted a muscular arm to rub at the back of his head and frowned with a small smile. “Just how long can you hold your breath?”

Remus just stared at him. At the way the droplets of water dripped from his dark locks and ran down his chest and the planes of his stomach. He swallowed, lifting his gaze before it could travel down further and focused on the piercing grey eyes that were already staring back at him. It felt as though Sirius could see into his soul, and it shocked Remus to realise that the thought wasn’t as scary as it should be.

Remus wasn’t sure how long they stood there, it could have been a second or maybe hours, but the smile slowly faded from Sirius’ face.

“I can go?” he asked unsurely.

“No!” Remus said hastily, before clearing his throat. “No, it’s fine.”

“Ok...” Sirius seemed surprised. They stared at each other a few moments more, Remus wracking his brain for something to say but coming up short. Sirius shifted on his feet. “Well, I don’t want to get in your way, so…”

He started turning around to go to the other side of the pool. Remus took a deep breath.

“Wait.”

Stopping mid-movement, Sirius turned around, arching a perfect eyebrow.

“I…” Remus started, but closed his mouth. Sirius’ eyes softened, and Remus started again, more firmly. “I never thanked you.”

That made Sirius frown. “Why would you need to thank me?”

“For the painting,” Remus said simply, though he figured it should be obvious. He couldn’t help but add with a small crooked smile, “and for the cookies too. Even though they were awful.”

Sirius barked a laugh, covering his face with a hand, and Remus found himself wishing he didn’t. He wanted to see the way his eyes crinkled. “Yeah, well. I should have asked first before I did anything, sorry I assumed-”

“No,” Remus interrupted, shaking his head. “No, you had no way of knowing.” He stopped to take another deep breath. “I'm sorry, I overreacted.”

Sirius raised both eyebrows at that, he clearly hadn't expected an apology. He regarded Remus steadily before he shrugged. “It's important to you. I think it's perfectly reasonable to react the way you did.”

Such a simple phrase, and yet something tugged fiercely in Remus’ chest. He tried to ignore it and sank until the water covered up to his shoulders. There was something about this man that made raw emotions come to the surface, and he tried his best to control them.

“Still, you were only trying to do something nice. So thank you.”

Sirius nodded as he stared at him, a small smile on his face again.

“Maybe we can start over?” He swam closer and Remus resisted the urge to sink lower. Instead, he got up when the other man extended a hand towards him. "Hi. I'm Sirius Black, and I live in apartment 12. Nice to meet you," he grinned.

The resolution on Sirius' face made Remus smile too, before he glanced down at the outstretched hand and reached to shake it. Despite the coldness of the water, Sirius’ palm was so warm that Remus felt it in his core, and he looked back up quickly to find Sirius giving him an odd look.

“Remus Lupin. I’m in apartment 10, right next to yours. Funny that we didn’t bump into each other sooner,” he said playfully, earning himself another wholehearted laugh from the other man, his chest rising and falling with it.

“Ouais, funny that,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. He let go of Remus’ hand and promptly plunged underwater, emerging only one second later while shaking his hair like a dog and sending a wall of droplets in Remus’ face. 

“You mutt,” said Remus as he raised an arm to cover himself, making Sirius smile widely. 

God, does he ever stop grinning? 

“So, what brought you to Gryffindor?”

The casual way he asked it made Remus relax some more. He sagged back down and moved from the shallow part of the pool, treading water as he thought of everything that had led him here.

“It’s kind of a long story, but the main reason is that I wanted to expand my brand, and I thought living in a bigger city would be better for that purpose.”

Sirius nodded as though he knew exactly what Remus was talking about. “Yeah, that makes sense. Where did you live before?”

A wistful smile tugged at Remus’ mouth, and he noticed Sirius tilting his head in curiosity. “In the countryside, just outside of Gryffindor. I was born there and lived in that town my whole life until I decided to move here.”

“Do you miss it?” Sirius asked softly.

The water lapping around them was the only sound in the air as Remus looked down at his hands, weaving them just beneath the surface.

“Yeah...I miss my mum and Leo mostly. I know it’s not too far, but it’s not easy to see them either. I guess it’s hard for me not seeing them everyday.” Remus didn’t add that it made him feel lonely, or like he was back in room 308, but Sirius seemed to sense that it was making him feel sad, cause he didn’t ask more about that and moved to another question.

“What’s your hometown like?”

Remus smiled thankfully at him. “It’s really small, nothing compared to this,” he made a sweeping gesture with his arm. “But it’s beautiful. There’s this beach that Leo and I used to go to all the time when we were kids, and later on we would always find the time to go there on small camping trips, just the two of us in bedrolls, sleeping under the stars. It became a tradition. And then, there’s a forest on the other side, with these huge trees that go on for miles, and there’s a-” Remus stopped himself when he realised he’d been going on and on without a pause, blushing a bit. He looked at Sirius sheepishly. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away.”

But Sirius was just looking at him with a dopey smile. “That’s ok. I like listening to you speak.”

Remus didn’t know what to do with that, so he cleared his throat. “What about you?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked distractedly.

“Did you always live here?”

That seemed to snap him out of whatever he’d been lost in. He ran a hand through his hair, which stayed pushed back, sleeked by the water. Remus liked it. He could see more of his face like this.

“Uh, no. I grew up in Slytherin, actually. But I went to boarding school when I got older, so I spent a lot of my teenage years there. It’s where I met James and most of the guys.”

There it was again, that fond smile, and Remus found himself asking, wanting to know more, “what was it like, going to a boarding school?”

Sirius laughed at that, and walked to lean his back against the side of the pool, his forearms resting over the edge. He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling with a faraway look. “Oh, it was great. Not so much at the beginning though. I lived a pretty sheltered life up to that point, so you can imagine I was a bit of a snobbish dick.”

“A bit?” Remus raised a teasing eyebrow, making Sirius laugh again and focus his gaze on him.

“Trust me, whatever you think of me now, I was ten times worse.”

“I don’t really think you’re like that,” Remus replied, and was surprised to realise he meant it. Sirius’ smile faltered, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Remus beat him to it quickly, “so what made you change?”

There were a few seconds in which Sirius just stared at him with an unreadable expression. “James,” he said plainly in the end.

“James?”

“James,” Sirius agreed. “Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we hadn’t met. He made me see I was behaving like an idiot, and everything I was missing out on.” He turned his head and gave Remus a sad smile before he continued, “I didn’t have any real friends before James.”

There was a deep pain rooted there that Remus couldn’t completely grasp, but he felt that it wasn’t his place to ask. “So you guys were friends from the start?”

“Pretty much,” he said, and then a laugh escaped him. “I tried to shove him aside at first, but he clung to me like a koala. I don’t even know why he wanted to be friends with me then.”

Remus thought about the way Sirius’ face lit up when he was close to James or when he talked about him. It was obvious to anyone that they were close, and how much it meant to Sirius.

“Well, I’m glad you found him.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said softly, “me too.”

“So how did you end up in Gryffindor?”

Sirius chuckled, “that would be James’ fault again. He grew up here, and I used to spend months at his house during the summer hols. It’s where I went when I finally ran from home; his parents took me in.”

He’d spoken casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world, but still Remus felt his heart stutter. “You...you ran away?”

Sirius’ eyes widened a bit, clearly he hadn’t realised how much he’d said. He glanced at Remus a bit wearily, who hastened to add, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.”

Some of the tightness seemed to leave Sirius’ shoulders as he exhaled sharply. “No, it’s ok. I...fuck. My family and I had different views about...things. They own this big company and run in some upper circles of society that I never had any interest in.”

It was Remus’ turn to have his eyes widen like ping pong balls as the realisation hit him like a bag of wet sand. “Wait...you’re that Black? From Black Enterprises?”

The tension in Sirius’ jaw was so sudden and intense, Remus regretted his words instantly.

“No. I mean, yes. I should be. But I left that behind years ago.”

There was a crease between his brows, and Remus’ hand started stretching towards it to smooth it, but he caught himself in time and pretended to scratch at his cheek instead.

“Ah, sorry, my bad. I thought for a second that you were. But you must be the Sirius Black from Gryffindor, huh? I’ve heard great things about him,” Remus said in a light tone. At first, Sirius frowned at him as if he’d gone crazy and Remus shifted awkwardly. But slowly, it started melting away until he started laughing at Remus’ antics, one hand clutching his stomach.

“God, you’re so weird.” There was that sweet smile again, directed fully at him, and Remus’ heart stuttered for an entirely different reason.

After that, Remus lost track of time as they talked and splashed about. He felt surprisingly light. Laughter was not in short amounts, an easy banter settling between them, and sometimes he’d catch Black staring at him with an indecipherable smile on his face. It felt like they’d been friends for years and not just a few hours, which was something Remus’ brain couldn’t completely wrap around.

Their topics went from the most trivial things to some that bordered in way-too-intimate for how long they’d known each other, but it didn’t feel weird or forced.

Remus mentioned how much he enjoyed a cup of tea in the afternoon. Sirius told him that he’d started smoking at 16, and had quit three times so far but started again when he felt overwhelmed. Remus talked a bit about his mum and how hard she worked to bring money in, and how Remus had to practically beg her to let him help once his business had taken off. Sirius confessed to being afraid of spiders to which Remus couldn’t keep in a laugh.

“Really? Spiders?”

“Oh, shut up, you,” Sirius had said with no real venom as he splashed him with water, making Remus laugh harder. Remus didn’t miss how Sirius' eyes hadn’t left his face when he’d looked back up at him.

They had started drifting closer to each other, and right then Sirius was swimming backwards around Remus as he told a story about a school prank. Remus was turning around slowly on his feet to keep him in sight, entirely too conscious of the way that the movement with each backstroke made Sirius’ back look even bigger. And how the waves Sirius was making kept lapping at Remus’ lower belly.

What the fuck am I thinking?

He shook his head just in time to catch Sirius’ next question.

“Did you always know you wanted to teach yoga?”

“Oh. Well, not really. I always thought I wanted to be a writer,” Remus chuckled. “But then after...Um, a couple years ago I decided to start a healthier lifestyle, and discovered I really liked it.” He gave a small shrug. “I decided to focus on that, and I don’t regret my decision.”

Sirius hummed as he kept swimming with his eyes closed. Feeling a bit weird just staring at him, Remus pushed his legs up and started floating on his back, focusing on the ceiling instead.

“So, what do you do for a living?” he asked.

He heard more than saw Sirius stop and stand up at once.

“I um...I work as a freelancer from home.”

“That’s nice. What kind of jobs do you do?”

“Oh, all sorts of things. Y’know, I never learned to float like that,” he said in a rush, which struck Remus as a bit weird. He let his feet angle down and touch the floor, and he pulled himself upright to eye Sirius curiously. He was fidgeting, but smiled at Remus hopefully, so Remus smiled too.

“Would you like me to teach you?”

Sirius’ face lit up. “Would you?”

“If you want,” Remus shrugged.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically and took a couple steps closer.

“Ok, try to align yourself with the water, and I’ll help by holding you until you can adjust your body on your own. It’s easier to float if you take a deep breath and hold it, so let’s start with that.”

“Ok, I can do that.”

“You need to be perfectly relaxed, ok? Save that puppy energy for something else.”

“D’accord, d’accord,” Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus tried to ignore how nicely the words rolled out of his tongue.

He watched as Sirius breathed in and pulled himself into a horizontal position. He held it for barely one second before he started sinking, so Remus took a deep breath too and moved over to place one hand in the middle of his back, and the other under his head.

Soft.

It was all Remus could think as the dark strands of hair fell between his fingers.

“Tip your head back and lift your chin. There should be no tension on your neck.” Remus’ voice was mellow, automatically slipping into the tone he used for his classes. “Put your arms just like this.” He removed his hand from Sirius’ head and used it to bring the arm closest to him slightly up, Sirius’ fingers brushing against Remus’ thigh, and then placed it back in the inky hair.

“My hips keep going down,” Sirius chuckled, making the water ripple in small waves. His eyes were closed, his chin tilted up just like Remus had told him to, exposing the long lines of his neck. Remus looked away, trying to keep a blush at bay.

“Ok, I’m going to move my hand to support you better, is that ok?”

A breathy “oui” was all he got for an answer.

Remus’ hand trailed down, his fingers brushing against Sirius’ spine until he could place it more firmly against the small of his back. He could’ve sworn he felt Sirius shiver, but that could be because of the water.

Looking down at Sirius’ toes, he told him to try and relax more. His eyes went up his legs as he gave small advices on how he should place his body, passing by the blue swim trunks that clung to his thighs, then kept going up his hip bones, toned stomach and chest, telling him to try and push up. He glanced up at that long, elegant neck, until he finally stopped when he found silver eyes staring intently at him.

In that moment, with those eyes locked with his and feeling overly conscious of the skin he was touching, Remus felt a bolt go through his fingers and removed his hands instantly as if he’d been burned, and Sirius flailed his arms and sank.

He stood up spluttering, water dripping everywhere.

“Remus what the fuck-” he started complaining, but stopped short when he realised just how close they were standing.

Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat as he was engulfed in the grey once more. Wet hair fell over his eyes, and this close, he could make out all the shades, every spot in those irises. He felt like he was staring at a tempest sea, the calmness around them making him feel like he was in the eye of the hurricane, and he was about to be swept up in the storm.

Sirius’ breath fanned against Remus’ face, slipping between his parted lips. His eyes darted down to stare at Sirius’ mouth, those pink lips that looked so incredibly soft that Remus wanted to reach up and touch them with his fingers. The tip of his tongue moved to wet his lips, and when he glanced up again he caught Sirius following the movement. The other man inched his face closer, torturously slow, until Remus tilted his head up slightly.

Everything around them seemed to be suspended in time, waiting, waiting… And then that same memory was flashing through his mind and Remus pulled away.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, confused, and Remus’ heart gave another painful tug.

“I...I...” Remus backed against the wall so much he wished he could just become one with it. Sirius took a step back and watched him with worried eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...Are you ok?”

“I just- I...I gotta go.”

Not waiting for any answer, Remus turned around and lifted himself out of the water, and basically bolted back to the changing rooms.

He didn’t even stop to take a shower, just changed his clothes as fast as he could, grateful that Sirius didn’t come looking for him.

Once inside his flat, he unceremoniously dropped his bag and keys on the floor, and let his head fall back against the door.

What the fuck was that?

It was so not like him to do something like this. He knew better than to get tangled in... in whatever happened at the pool was. Focus on your career, that was the goal. No time to meet anyone just to get into a relationship, get attached, and then be left broken.

But Sirius just...it felt so natural to be around him. Remus was still surprised at how comfortable he felt around the other man, given the way they’d started things off. If the image he’d had of Sirius was so far off the mark, then maybe Sirius was not like-

No.

He was done with relationships and that was that.

“Ugh, fuck,” Remus groaned, then finally glanced around his flat. “Cocoa?” he called, surprised that he hadn’t been tackled in a bear hug yet. “Cocoa, c’mon boy. Let’s go for a walk. Fuck knows I certainly need some fresh air.”

It was dark outside already, but Remus’ heart was still beating wildly, and he didn’t think he could stand to just stay inside. He needed to calm down and get his mind off dark hair, stormy eyes and wet lips.

When he still got no response, Remus frowned. It was very unlike Cocoa not to rush to greet him or come to him when called. Even if he’d been sleeping, he’d always wake up to the sound of Remus coming back home.

Remus stepped into the living room, walking around the couch to where Cocoa usually laid in his dog bed. And there he was, with his head between his paws, looking up at Remus with big, yellow eyes. He whined when Remus got close.

“Hey boy, there you ar-” Remus stopped himself with the immediate knowledge that something was wrong. Cocoa was trying to get up, but his legs were trembling and he fell over. Remus rushed forward and knelt at his side, noting how fast Cocoa’s heart was beating, and the spasms still going through his body. “What’s going on? Cocoa, what’s wrong?”

Remus was frantically trying to figure out what was happening when his eyes landed on a crumpled piece of paper. He snatched it up and his heart stopped. It was the wrapper for one of his favourite dark chocolates, and there were only a couple of bitten pieces left in it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, how did you get this? When did you-? Oh my God, when did you eat it?” Remus wracked his brain, trying to remember if the wrapper was there when he’d stop by his flat a few hours earlier, but he had no idea. He remembered thinking Cocoa seemed a bit more energetic than usual, but he hadn’t thought too much of it.

Shaking out of the whirlpool that were his thoughts, Remus carefully picked Cocoa up and rushed to the door.

“Please hang on, boy. Please, please, please hang on.”

[hazard-and-friends]

Month 11

What the fuck. Holy hell buddy.

The focus here will be catching us up with the missed months and then next month I’ll do a 1 year retrospective.

The last time I posted one of these was January 9th. In late February, we moved from FL to WA; at the end of the month we moved into a new, one bedroom apartment. In mid-March I started a part time job which I adore (running puppy camp at a R+ facility! in the next few weeks I’ll start teaching swims and puppy play groups!). So first we did a massive amount of prep for the move, and then we did even more prep for post-move things like “meeting my family” and “oh shit there’s hills now” and in between the two we’ve made huge strides on the cat thing.

The details!

Night time: We have completely stopped putting him in the crate at night. There were two reasons for crating to begin with: 1) We didn’t know where Penny wanted to sleep and didn’t trust them when we were asleep and 2) to create good sleepy associations prior to the plane flight. #2 is no longer relevant and a) Penny wants to sleep Up or in the bed and b) Hazard laaaaargely doesn’t care about her once the lights go off. So he sleeps on the floor, after a VERY exciting 4 nights at the airbnb where he got to sleep in the people bed with the people (Penny slept on top of the catinets cabinets).

Crate in general: I spent 2 months working on the plastic crate not being the actual devil, and he did end up being happy in it. But he’s regressed to thinking that crates in general are prison spaces due to the plane flight, so it’s all to the good that he doesn’t have to go in at all anymore. Regular crate training (for trials) is on the task list.

Medications: He was on trazodone through late March. For the flight itself, I started him on gabapentin (100 mg 3x daily) 24 hours before the flight, and gave him a double dose when we left the apartment. All of this was cleared with his vet first, consult with your own etc. No side effects and the gabapentin definitely helped--but he was still upset at takeoff and landing. One of the reasons I wanted him to see a vet in March was to switch off trazodone and onto something actually validated in separation anxiety. He’s now on Reconcile, 24 mg once a day. At 2 weeks in: No lasting side effects (the first 48 hours were a little weird), and overall anxiety is decreasing.

Anxiety in general: IT’S BEEN A FUN TIME Y’ALL. Because trazodone and prozac (Reconcile) both affect serotonin, he had to come off trazodone for 4-5 days before starting Reconcile. Which confirmed a bunch of things:

Trazodone wasn’t doing very much at all. 90% of the time he was unchanged.

He is WAY more anxious on car rides than anyone realized. Once off trazodone, he started whining continuously on the way out--the way back is fine, either because he’s exhausted, he knows we’re going home, or we’ve already been to the superfunexcitingplace.

Trazodone wasn’t doing SHIT for his separation anxiety, which was unchanged.

He was only slightly more reactive to the cat and no more reactive to strangers. Cool.

Now that we’re 2 weeks into Reconcile: Starting to see big improvements in separation anxiety (more on that later) and cat tolerance is back to baseline (ditto). Car rides are still chatty but rapidly improving. No side effects, still playful and happy and silly.

Separation anxiety: Over a month, we achingly worked our way up to 90 seconds of me gone, or 30 seconds of me gone if I had done one preparing-to-leave thing. And even that was unreliable. That’s not right, guys. That’s the big reason we switched medications. Because keep in mind that all of this is while Jo was in the room with him. Yesterday I left to run errands with no prep and he just watched. I love Reconcile. It took about 5 minutes for him to settle down, but still. Plan is to bust ass and get to 15 minutes with no pre-departure cues and then add them back in.

Cat: Two steps forward one step sideways. While he chases her every other day or so, there are no gates in the new apartment. Sometimes we close the door to the bedroom so Penny can be unmolested, but often she’s the one who wants out, and she’s finding more and more places to chill. Moooost nights Hazard gets tied (harness to longline to my desk) but that’s more so that we don’t have to be constantly watching. At night there’s sometimes scuffles, but those end with Penny wherever she wanted to be and Hazard under the bed.

Weight: Vet had him at 44 lbs but he hadn’t pooped that day. He’s now on diet Hills SD, 1.5 cups, but he also gets around 100 pieces of treats a day so that’s surely impacting things. He’s looking better and better though--nice thigh muscles.

Formal training: I have completely jumped the shark and started teaching rally cues. As soon as the budget balances I want to get back to doing rally with Sydney’s trainer, and he’s picking up the basics really fast. Also, recall?? Is coming along fabulously?? Amazing. Love it when I don’t have to do anything.

I jest, I did a lot. We did a bowl game where I put him in a wait, put food in his bowl, then went to the other side of the room and called him. He had to come to me before going to the food, and that really helped recall click in a way that other games hadn’t.

Handling: After 11 months I admitted defeat and took him to the vet for nails. The vet tech’s verdict is that he sang at her but she got them done in 5 minutes so hey. We’re going back to the very basics and doing it to enthusiasm, not compliance, this time. Sigh.

Good note: I did teach him a chin rest and he now LOVES offering it. Amazing. Love him so much.

Stranger danger: the BIGGEST progress. In the last month he’s met both my parents, my grandparents, one of my siblings, and a friend. 6 people, 3 genders, aged 19-77, and a whole array of builds and heights. They’re all white but you can’t have everything. A growing theme is he’s much better in novel environments than in his home base, so probably we’ll be meeting people outside and then walking them in. But still, seeing huge improvements in his willingness to associate with strange humans and let them touch him.

Walks: 40 min morning/20 min evening, except for once a week when it’s a 50-60 min hike or sometimes we rent the field at my work... It’s hard to be a dog ;) Fitness is less his problem on walks than focus for that long, so the hike is actually easier for him than 40 min along a 35mph road. Still, we’re getting lots of nice perky behavior out and about.

[treeni]

Necessary quiet

Fanart of the absolutely lovely story as the birds love the sky by peachsneakers / @candied-peach​. 

Summary:  Janus is just feeling down. His boyfriend comforts him.

Honestly if you’re feeling down and you need to be cheered up, I suggest checking it out. If you’ve seen any of my posts recently, you probably know I can’t praise peach enough, but their work is honestly amazing if you’re looking for suggestions.

Story time:

I had just tried to go to sleep at 6:30 am on Saturday. The sort of existential dread has been setting in recently and it was the first day I had sort of been able to fight it off and feel like myself in a while. In fact, I felt so good that I was overridden with ideas and spent the whole night jotting them down and organizing them all so I could maneuver them later. I had just laid down and at 6:45 I get a text asking for my help. Our dog Natalie needs to go to the vet. Without hesitation I got back up, threw on some clothes and my partner readily joined me. I was ready faster because I had clothes ready for the early morning walks I take the dogs on everyday. I rushed from our basement apartment to the main house as my partner finished getting ready to find that my aunt’s worry had gone from moderate to extreme. 

Natalie, who looked like hell, but had been still walking around that morning, suddenly went toward her favorite room to rest. When she found the door closed, she just...collapsed against it and made no move to get up. Something was very very wrong.

We knew in the past few days she seemed a little sick with something that seemed like no more than a stomach bug. We also knew she was in decline, but was diagnosed with kidney failure, but it wasn’t complete failure yet. The vet predicted we would have a while yet because of the nature of the diagnosis. She was dying yes, but just Tuesday she had raced up the hill on our walk and scarfed not only seconds, but thirds at dinner time. 

I know that every pet is important to their family, every pet is important, but Natalie was uniquely important to me in a way no other pet had been. You see just a few months after my aunt adopted her, she offered me a place in her home, a sanctuary away from the toxic situation I was in within my parent’s home. Natalie was there to welcome the hollow, broken teenager who had been barely stopped from committing suicide just months prior by a stranger. When my aunt had gotten me a special welcome dinner at my favorite bbq restaurant, me and Natalie went halvsies because she had the biggest, sweetest puppy eyes that were impossible to resist and she spent the entire day by my side, acting as the anchor as I was absolutely turbulent and lost. I was in a state where I was afraid of myself, of being in the way, afraid my existence itself was somehow a bother. Yet, Natalie sensed my hesitation was a constant source of comfort, leading me at every turn, every struggle and heart break, and admission of my past trauma, she was always there. Whenever I was upset, and I truly mean whenever, she would simply walk up to me, hovering close and patiently. She understood my touch aversion when I was distressed and so she would always wait, with big soulful brown eyes and a sweet smile. When I was ready and reached out to pet her, she would inevitably lean into the touch, then stretch her neck out in a way that was an invitation for a hug. She was absolutely brilliant and deeply empathetic.She absolutely considered herself to be as good as a human and honestly I have to agree. 

She started showing GI symptoms, late Tuesday night, but we didn’t think much of it. She had been at the vet the day before and it honestly wasn’t that uncommon for one of the dogs to pick up something during their visits. Our other dog stopped eating too on Wednesday, which just confirmed the diagnosis in our minds. Thursday my aunt called the vet and couldn’t get an appointment. They said if she got worse to take her to the emergency vets. 

She seemed to be doing better on Friday. She spent the day smiling and hanging around everyone. She ate a little bit and generally seemed to be back in her usual spirits. Then Friday night somehow she started getting sick again. The tropical storm was passing over us at the same time too, making rushing off that night dangerous. She was vomiting again and my aunt asked me if I’d go with her to the vet the next day, either the regular or the emergency depending on if she could get an appointment. The text asking for my help came long before the regular vet even opened.

My partner came up only two minutes after me and carried the collapsed dog into the car. To make it as easy as possible for the vets to get to her, the front passenger seat was pushed all the way forward while me and my partner drove behind. When we left, I wasn’t certain we would be coming home with her that day. I feared the vet would give us the terrible news that they would recommend putting her down. The drive was less than 20 minutes. She was dead before we arrived. They think she had undiagnosed cancer.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

Returning back, most of the day was spent comforting our other dog, Juno, who seemed absolutely convinced we were getting rid of her next. It didn’t give a lot of time to process.

My partner forced me to eat dinner that night and we returned to our apartment after. Having been up for the greater part of 36 hours, I finally sort of collapsed into my bed. Still absolutely shell-shocked and not completely in my own head, I messaged @candied-peach​ with a request for a story. The request was... generic at best with no real details beyond hurt/comfort and something I can’t imagine I would have done in a different frame of mind. I am absolutely awful at asking for things even with all of the progress I’ve made. I knew they were working on several WIPs and had several requests to plow through. I thought at best mine would be pushed to the back of the list and handled... eventually, maybe after they got through with the others? Then I closed my tablet and sobbed until I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to it already in my inbox.

It was just lovely. I read it and left a comment, that I’m sure didn’t mean much because I was trying to type through crying (I’m still trying to type through crying). A few hours later I went back to it again and then again that night. Mind you, they had also released the first chapter of a large fic we had been discussing for ages, so they absolutely must have dropped everything to write it for me and that realization just... knocked the air out of me.

It was one of the sweetest gestures anyone has ever done for me.

The picture above is the result of my overwhelming need to do something in return and pay tribute to the little story that is now my absolute favorite story.

I honestly don’t know how to say thank you enough peach. Your kindness just blows me away.

[lvlyhao]

「PART THREE: FAMILIARITY」

HUMANITY SERIES; Q.K

A/N: guess who forgot to update lol they’re whipped i just— also two surprise appearances hehfjfhsjh

important: i can’t think of anything??? the general warnings are in the masterlist if you wanna be sure none of them is a trigger for you!

word count: 2.8K

pairing: qian kun x reader

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

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Cussing like a sailor, you trudge towards the man, who's catching his breath by the sidewalk. His glance instantly darts to your face, about to say something. You cut him short, though, too disturbed by the fear that still clouds your every action.

“We have to leave while we can. Like right now.”

“H-how do you know I’m not infected?”, he asks, abruptly realizing something even more critical. "How do I know you are not infected?"

He backs away, then, gorgeous features closing off in hesitance. While he stares at you, you think his voice is much, much more angelic than you thought. It drips with uncertainty but is beautiful enough to make you forget how to speak for a minute.

"Uhm”, you clear your throat, now looking for your weapons. It's a good attempt at escaping his piercing eyes, but it dawns on you. He has quite literally no reasons to agree with what you were planning.

"I'm immune, actually. My DNA has some mutation that I honestly cannot explain that well. You", you pause, scanning his defensive form before going back to putting away your knives. "You are definitely clean. It's been over 15 minutes since I arrived: no walker bit you or you would have, at least, screamed. If by some chance it happened and I was not aware of it, I would have seen it in your eyes by now. It's the first part of the process", you grimace.

The guy stays silent while you speak, taking everything you say into consideration. You find it makes sense to him if his relaxed posture is anything to go by.

Finishing up with your arrows, you promptly head back to where you came from, assuming your companion is close behind.

“Wait!”, he trots, halting in front of you. “I… I don’t think I can go with you.”

You could say it's the dumbest thing you have ever heard, but your yell from earlier begs to differ.

“I can see you don't trust me, and you have no reasons to, but this is how rescue missions go. I see someone in danger, I do my best to get them away, and we go to my settlement, where we can hopefully be stronger by numbers. We can get there if we run." Your voice is borderline dull, almost like you have made that same speech 500 times in the past few days. It would have made him laugh, under different circumstances. Yet, he plainly breathes, running a grimy hand through his hair. 

“It’s not that”, he peers around, lost. “I came to the pharmacy for medical supplies for one boy in my own settlement. He needs them as soon as possible, or I’m not sure I’ll be able to help him at all. Besides”, he tentatively lifts your dominant arm by the sleeve of your jacket, careful not to touch you. “We should clean that and put some bandages around it, even if I don’t have the time to stitch it up.”

You are not sure what part of his speech you should pay attention to first.

“You have a settlement?” The question bursts its way out of your mouth before you can think better, but he doesn't seem to mind. Lips curling into a proud smile, he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Yeah, I’m currently the father of 6 children from the college I used to attend”, he snorts.

“That’s amazing! I’ve been mapping this area for some weeks now, and I never found anyone”, you smile. “I’m currently the parent of”, stopping, you count the names in your not-chewed fingers. “16 children? Around that. I swear there's a new name every time we make the roll call."

Studying his kind expression, warm under the red sunlight, you feel as if you could talk to him for hours. I'd never get bored. Your situation seems small, squeezed all the way in the back of your mind. It's clearly much less important than your attractive stranger.

Gasping quietly in realization, he sobers up. He pulls you by your jacket once more, just as delicately, and keeps you close.

“Listen, I understand you have people to take care of, but you said you could get there in time if you run. My boys are not too far from here. I think it would be safer for you to come with me for now, at least wait until morning. Otherwise", he gulps, "we will both be in more danger."

You reflect his words guardedly. You are painfully aware that the clock is ticking and each second spent here makes it a bit worse. When the sun goes down is when things get seriously nasty. The night would swallow you whole before you could get to the campus, and then your eyes would be useless. You wouldn't be able to see any walkers or even traps you came across. You'd be a sitting duck. 

Sighing, you know your decision has been made.

I can only hope Taeyong forgives me for this.

With a curt nod, your free hand gestures for him to lead the way. He seems awed by how fast you agreed but decides against mentioning it. Instead, he gives you a gracious smile and goes on. He stands just past the crushed glass, where you can now see a coffee-coloured messenger bag on the once-white floor. Something seems to be fidgeting inside of it, and you stiffen.

Before you can ask about it, he drops your wrist. Picking up the bag gently, he cradles it to his chest and looks at the inside softly. He coos, speaking in a language you know to be Mandarin. That’s when it pushes out—the little, furry snout of a puppy, licking his hand and whimpering. 

It's like your systems just crashed.

“You have a dog in your bag?”

Laughing briefly, he turns to you again. Cosy inside of the leather is a tiny Beagle, looking at you with bright eyes. You can't help but think it's ridiculously adorable.

“Well, not at all times. I found her wandering around here, but one of her ears was bleeding and she’s limping”, his voice lowers to a whisper, watching her with concern. “One of my boys is a vet student. I thought maybe we could help her.”

Choosing not to question it, you simply nod. The bleeding ear would explain why she stayed here even with the noise. Her hearing must be quite damaged.

“And I’m assuming the medicine or whatever you needed is also in there?”

He's serious once again, reminded of the primary reason for his trip.

“Yes, I placed it in separate pockets and smaller bags. We are good to go.”

A breeze swiftly races inside the barely lit building. It’s a warning of how fast the twilight is coming, and he takes it. His quick steps sound first, light on the ground, and he checks to see if you are coming. Understanding of his rush, you jog along.

“I didn’t forget about your hand, by the way. I know a safe spot close to here where we can stop for me to treat it.”

Staring at his broad shoulders, your breathing hitches as the throbbing in your fingers come back. Treatment would be useful before you have to amputate it, but...

“Do you know how to do that? Not to doubt your capacities or anything, but I can just clean it with some water later.”

Running to come up to his side, he playfully eyes you. He is moving so naturally along the streets you imagine he must know this route well.

“I am a med student. Uh, was, I guess.”

His striking traits are highlighted by the blue hour, hues of periwinkle ghosting over his nose, forehead, cheekbones and lips. He chuckles airily, and you are conscious of how surprised you must look.

“A med student. That’s pretty helpful, huh? I’m sure you care very well for your friends."

From the corner of your eye, you see pink spread over his face. He glances up to the sky, lost in his own head.

“I try to. Our youngest has just turned 20. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through this at that age.”

You hum.

“I know how you feel. I’m watching over an 18-year-old”, sighing, you think back to the freshman dance student at the settlement. You pray he doesn't feel your absence so strongly, familiar to his tendency to cry.

Comfort sparks in the way your companion bumps his shoulders into yours, drawing you out of foggy thoughts. When your heart suddenly tries to break free from your ribcage, you swallow dry. Could I not find a worse moment to develop a crush?

Beating yourself over your feelings, you travel silently, sometimes admiring the starry skies. It feels nice to be like this, almost… at peace. Funny how you can feel that way around someone you barely know while touring a town full of bloodthirsty beasts.

“Ah”, he breaks the silence awkwardly. “I still don’t know your name.”

You wince at that, realizing you were forgetting about it. It's like I've known him for ages.

“Sorry. I’m Y/N”, your voice is soft, rivalling the autumn winds.

“Y/N... That’s a beautiful name”, he compliments, eyes finding yours. “You can call me Kun.”

You say his name out loud, testing it, and giggle. It feels nice in your lips.

---

The trip to the first hiding spot was fast, just a matter of minutes cruising under the starlight. The place is a dainty, small wooden cabin, right at the foot of the mountains that surround the city. All around you are bushes and fireflies, that blink over stray pieces of cars. How they got to here, in the forest, is a mystery to you, but then again, a lot of things do not make sense anymore. It's simpler to overlook it and get inside, plopping down on a rusty chair as Kun grabs a flashlight from a corner.

His hands work quickly, and with confidence, like medicine is in his blood. It's impressive, but, most of all, painless. His touch is even gentler than Tyong’s and feels warm against your cool skin. A tiny smile plays on your lips the entire time, watching him and the sleeping puppy discreetly.

After that, your wounded hand is snug against the white bandages and the sting lessened. You feel like you could go on for miles, but Kun only laughs and tells you to calm down. No way you two are running uphill to his house.

“Wait, you mean you guys live… up there?”, you point, and he follows your finger, contemplating the towering trees of the forest nonchalantly.

Seeing your dubious expression makes his heart crack a little. He understands how intimidating it is: the dark, unknown forest. Who could guess what lurks between the twigs, spying on the few, brave souls that dare cross their territory?

“I know hiding from zombies in the woods sounds a bit weird, but I promise it’s safe. They have a hard time traversing the trees because they’re so closely set. Also”, he studies the grass beneath his feet, feeling a mix of shame and hesitance himself. “We might have planted a few landmines around the perimeter.”

The sound you make then is something between a wheeze and a gasp.

“How did you…?”

“I preferred to not question when Yukhei showed up with them”, he breathes, sounding like a tired father. “There’s a protected path we’ll follow, though!” He makes a face at how he saved the most important detail for last. I have no idea what is wrong with me today.

But, Kun thinks, secretly relishing on the way you shine under the moon, if you’re scared, I’ll hold your hand.

---

The journey to his house is more serene than you guessed. There are no walkers you perceive. It's almost like this place is completely cut off from the world, far away from real danger. Although maybe that is just Kun's effect on you. You have not failed to notice how tranquillity seems to flow out of him in waves, wordlessly comforting your wild heart. It's nothing like you have ever felt.

I met him two hours ago.

Once again shaking off your feelings, you try to focus on the other things that surround you. The crickets, the faint crunch of the grass and fallen leaves, an owl, how smooth his skin could feel under your fingertips...

Oh my god, you cringe.

As you steady yourself against the trunk of an oak, your shoulders finally loosen. Not too far ahead, you can see something that resembles a ski cabin, surrounded by barbed wire, and with orange light pouring from the windows. The path you walk on is surrounded by sharp wooden stakes from both sides, but the place still feels homier than the campus. 

You don't notice your grin until he smiles back, taking your hand in his and continuing the walk. You remain quiet until the ground changes from grass, pebbles and mud to beaten earth, and you stand right outside the fence. It's far taller than you, with the metal glittering intimidatingly. If the landmines had not made you feel safe, this definitely has. 

Kun, still grasping your hand delicately, surrounds the house with an attentive look. He searches for something and stops a few meters from where you were. It’s always simple to find—the crossing point—and he spins to face you.

“If you don’t mind holding the bag, I can cross over first and then help you. Is that okay?”, he asks, looking for approval in your eyes.

Warmth takes over your heart at his caring nature, knowing he could have just gotten in and expected you to not hurt yourself.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” 

With no other words, you reach for the bag, and hug it against your chest, observing the sleeping dog in your arms. While you are distracted, Kun steps on the lower row of wire and carefully places his hands on the upper one, creating a space he can shimmy through. 

He pays close attention to where the barbs were, but does it calmly, and gets to the other side with a small sigh. He then gestures to the bag, stepping on the wire once again, and passing it over with even more care than he had for himself. 

The moment he takes the bag from you, you feel your fingers brushing. While you both pretend not to notice, the heat rushing to your cheeks speaks for itself. Neither one of you mention it.

Then, it's time for you to get in. You can admit you are a bit apprehensive. Kun’s frame is sturdier than yours, in general, and he was just fine, but the idea of sneaking through sharp thorns is not exactly exciting.

Kun seems to know what you feel, and gives you a sweet smile, hoping to calm your nerves. He places the bag on the ground gently, trying to keep the puppy asleep. The process, then, starts over. 

One foot over the first wire, a hand on the upper one and the other stretched out for you to grab. The wind picks up abruptly, and you can't tell if you shiver from it or from the grip of his fingers on yours.

“No need to hurry”, Kun whispers, eyes trained on where your body is concerning the barbs. He, time or another, tells you to bend a little lower or higher, and pulls more at the cable. To your relief, though, all is well. After a minute of wiggling, you touch the other side of the fence and allow yourself to rest. 

“You did good”, he praises, patting your hair kindly. You sort of feel like a kid, but maybe not in an unpleasant way. 

Tardily letting the tiredness from the day catch up to you, your brain slows down, and your limbs ache. You had not noticed Kun was already up on his feet with the bag until a hand shows up before your eyes, a silent offer. You take it without a second thought, letting him pull you up. 

From then on, your mind gave up on processing a lot of what you did. You were nearly sure you went up a row of stairs to a wooden deck, the floor squeaking under your boots. Your new friend still holds your hand securely, which you are thankful for when you trip on a loose board. His eyes examine you for a second, making sure you're alright before he turns to the door.

It is also made of wood but painted red and unyielding. Letting go of your fingers, he knocks 3 times, waits a couple seconds, and then 4 others. The house, so far still, erupts into hushed cheers and shouts. Kun can only shake his head, holding in a smile, and look up when the door flies open, candlelight spilling out. The slim figure that appears nearly throws himself in Kun’s arms, but freezes when he sees you and the bag.

“Y/N?!”

“Hendery?!”

“...You two know each other?”

---

final notes: don’t question the way the virus works. just don’t, ok

[incarnateirony]

I've seen this happen a couple of times this week and I'm confused, are there people who actually believe these "sources"? Setting aside the fact that not everyone working on the show knows about storylines, would anyone working for SPN spoil the show willy-nilly? Don't they sign NDAs or something? It's getting ridiculous how many "fans" have "friends" who work on set and are ready to blab about the finale, like it's funny at this point

Now, once in a while actual leaks do happen, but there’s a sense of ... well. First, someone who’s actually leaking something authentic will never attach their name or face, because that’s a risk. Second, they’re not going to go around implying they have all the secrets unless they’re in a phase of production that has a final cut. Third, beware leaks that are almost too perfect, pick them apart and try to break them apart before anything else. 

For example, the March 15.18 leak was so damn perfect I spent a few days trying to destroy it and, while I couldn’t prove it was real, I couldn’t disprove it. And it settled too well with things actually going on in the show, ergo, I vaguely accepted it as truth, then along came the Trouble promo. Honestly that scene has had more than one leak around it, but you notice you don’t see people talking about it? That I didn’t even say anything in public about the March leak until 15.18 promo aired? That’s because actual leaks from actual sources are kept on private grapevines.

Similarly make sure you understand the scope, lens and importance of the leaker (IE, something someone witnesses or glances may not be entire context.)  For example again, the March 15.18 leak was actually getting passed around in an extremely negative light, and all we know is “some person on set” passed it along. But there was no context, just some basics, and initial fan reaction turned into a furious tirade of panic. Then people went, woah wait, scale this into the actual show structure this year, and it’s clown car time and this is great, then suddenly everybody loved the leak.

Did that one pan out, yes. But again: scale, placement, context and frankly vigorous vetting of it at least against context and surrounding knowledge if you can’t vet the source itself. And finding the source of a valid leak is actually hard as fuck because they’re not going to wreck their careers over throwing a temper tantrum on twitter. I’m sure some people will claim that’s why the person deleted cuz they realized that, but you know, all you’d need to do is hide replies and delete the offending tweets. Instead, people pointed things out like her credentials didn’t match, nor did her claims, she couldn’t even spell jarpad’s name, and a random coffee runner from season 11 really shouldn’t be pretending to understand what’s happening in season 15, much less implying they KNOW THINGS like we didn’t all get the goddamn March 15.18 leak. Or at least enough of us that we’ve already talked it to death at this point once Trouble aired.

Is there a leak on the crew? Absolutely. 15.13 posted like 6 hours early on a torrent site this year. But I promise it’s not random post girl from years ago.

[blouisparadise]

Here is a list of amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of January. Between the second month of the Bottom Louis Fic Fest and all the other fics that authors posted throughout the month, it’s clear that this was a great way to start off the year of bottom Louis fics!  Happy reading!

1) You Can Be The Boss Daddy | Explicit | 1641 words

This is just Louis being used and humiliated by his strong Daddy

2) Don't Pretend That I Don't Entice You | Explicit | 2086 words

“Speaking of which, he couldn't wait to get home to see him. They both worked long days and most of the time their days off didn't line up. But they made up for things like that when they could, spending hours cuddling in bed and talking about the randomest of things or ya know, having mind-blowing sex that left them sated and panting, heated limbs tangled together and breaths and scents mingling. Harry enjoyed those moments quite a bit, if he was going to be at all honest.”

3) The Sound Of Music | Explicit | 2602 words

Harry quietly makes his way down the stairs and into the large foyer, the marble floors are cold against his bare feet and he regrets not taking his slippers.

The tinkling of piano keys flirts its way to his ears and he turns his head in the direction of their living room. His mouth quirks sideways with a smile and he makes his way towards the music.

4) Letters From Boston | Explicit | 3316 words

Louis’s standing in the kitchen when he opens the first letter.

5) Starlight In Your Eyes Of Blue | Mature | 4434 words

Harry is in New York while Louis is back home at London waiting for Harry’s return. Unfortunately, Harry may be unable to come back home in time for Christmas and most importantly—Louis’ birthday. Louis can’t wait any longer to be in a bed that’s no longer empty but in the end it changes.

6) I Couldn’t Get Away From You | Mature | 5185 words

Suddenly in the heat of the moment, Harry’s eyes turned darker as he pushed Louis’ back more and more towards the wall. “Fine.” He plants his lips on Louis’ and begins to roughly kiss him, soon enough turning it into a make-out session.

“Fuck you, Styles,” Louis moans and grips onto Harry’s shoulders, hands trailing up to the taller’s hair and gripping that as well.

“We’ll see about that.”

7) My Kingdom for Your Graces | Explicit | 5257 words

Louis gets a last minute day off and Harry decides to surprise him with a visit. They proceed to do what lovers do.

8) I Think I'm In Love | Mature | 6019 words

Louis' a young man looking for love. Harry's a sugar daddy looking for a new sub. They meet through a dating app and decide to try out a relationship.

9) Daddy's Little Kitty | Mature | 7224 words

Harry Styles is a gentle master. But what happens when Louis pushes him to his limits?

10) There's More Than One Place To Call Home | Explicit | 8416 words

Harry never asked for much from his neighbors - he didn't care about barking animals during the day or loud talking during the night.

The only thing he needed was silence when he was writing. And that was the only thing his new neighbor wouldn't give him.

Deciding to confront the loud guy who lived next door, Harry found himself ringing his doorbell one night. And that decision just may be the best thing that's ever happened to Harry.

11) Cooking With Styles | Explicit | 9119 words

Anyone can cook— or so they say.

12) Watching The World Fall | Explicit | 11777 words

This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.

“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”

It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.

“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool.

“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”

13) We'll Be the Fine Line | Not Rated | 13443 words

Louis listens to Fine Line, and, drunk, he leaves a voicemail for Harry after months of not speaking. This reminds Harry of a time before everything fell apart, slowly, painfully, a time when the two of them were still in love. And he desperately wants to go back.

14) (You're Gonna See Me In A) New Light | Mature | 13631 words

A fake relationship au where everyone knows it's real but Louis.

15) Don't Know If I Could Ever Go Without | Explicit | 14140 words

“We’ve come up with a solid solution. You’re not going to like it.”

“What is it?” Louis narrows his eyes suspiciously, glancing at a visibly enthusiastic Liam.

“What if you pretended to be an Alpha?” Zayn suggests.

16) Something Wicked This Way Comes | Explicit | 16526 words

A regency murder mystery au where Louis is married to an earl and Harry is a detective. Hatchets are buried but not everyone is as they seem.

17) Keep It Sweet In Your Memory | Explicit | 17039 words

'How'd it go?' Harry pushes them into Niall's room and shuts the door behind him, so Georgia doesn't overhear.

'It was good. We just caught up, mostly... I may have done something a little stupid, though.'

And Niall's eyebrows are in his hairline at that.

'I mean. Okay, so I invited Louis out on Saturday.'

'Saturday? Your--'

'Yes, my bachelor party...' and then Harry has to explain himself, 'I just felt guilty. I think. He was like. Telling me he wanted to hook up.'

'He WHAT!?'

'No. I mean, not with me. Like. He wants to go out and meet people.'

'He'll hate that. He's too much of a romantic.'

'Yeah, well. Whatever his name was messed him up a little, it would seem.'

18) UN(RE)SOLVED | Explicit | 20873 words

The ghoul boys are back, but this time around there are some unresolved feelings involved. Harry is a skeptic, Louis is not. Watch them go on their ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?

Or, BuzzFeed Unsolved AU.

19) The Way The Storms Blow | Explicit | 21649 words

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

20) Hold Onto This Heaven (Of Yours) | Explicit | 25213 words

an ode to being too young, too sad, and too in love.

(aka: a college au, harry is a frat boy, and louis wants to know all of his secrets.)

21) Weightless | Explicit | 25330 words

He hopes that Harry still thinks of him. God knows Louis thinks of him every day.

Or: Harry is the best dragon racer the world has ever seen and Louis is an almost-vet who feels like he is carrying the weight of the world.

22) Creep | Explicit | 26092 words

Harry is a wallflower, louis is a sophomore brat with a heart of gold no one seems to notice, harry, a senior, is a musician in disguise. louis finds him in the music room, Harry performing his self written song Creep on a talent show. he steals Louis' heart and begins to stalk Harry on social media, finding out the boy is gorgeous inside and out, tattoos popping against his milky skin, unashamed of his amazing body.

a story of a boy with dark thoughts finding his way through the dark with his light guiding him.

23) Blue Lotus | Explicit | 29815 words

Note: This fic is Louis/OMC.

After the Second Rebellion and the dismantling of President Cowell’s regime, Louis struggles to make sense of life.

A post-Hunger Games AU.

24) You Contain In Your Eyes The Sunset And The Dawn | Mature | 38152 

Harry Styles was to spend six months at AT&T Inc. of all telecommunications companies in the world, also known as the largest one in its field. This was the biggest deal of his life; it will both improve his expertise in the domain and maybe secure the job of his dreams. There was only one problem standing in the way, and it came in the form of a stunning, irresistible and intimidating cat hybrid of the name Louis Tomlinson. In other words, his boss.words

25) We Can Go On Forever (When Everything’s Gone Forever) | Mature | 39421

Harry spent most of his adult life focused on either his studies or his books - 5 of which he has already had published before he was 30. Immediately after completing his dissertation, he was offered a lectureship at Cambridge University where he’s been for 2 years now.

This wasn’t the first time in his life that he had felt the incessant itch to know more about a subject by any means. However, this was the first time the subject had been an Omega.

26) Canyon Moon | Explicit | 40895 words

For as long as Louis has remembered, he has been promised to be mated to Harry, his best friend and the future pack alpha. But Louis’s heart belonged to the forest and to the hunt more than he could ever imagine it belonging to Harry.

Then Harry’s father dies in a violent accident, and Louis’s future alpha disappears on the wind.

An A/B/O Lion King AU

27) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

28) If You're Out There (I'll Find You Somehow) | Explicit | 55916 words

Harry looks so intensely into Louis’ eyes it’s as though he’s reaching in and touching his very soul. “I never thought… I never… I’ve been searching for so long, Louis, but I never gave up. I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying,” Harry says, bottom lip trembling as he strokes the backs of Louis’ knuckles. “I just knew that if you were out there, I’d find you somehow.”

OR the story of how one man’s love changed the world.

29) “If I Cut Out a Heart...” | Explicit | 66225 words

Stripper au! louis is a stripper who’s known for his huge ass. he works at a club owned by harry and everyone wants to fuck him. eventually louis has sex with each of the boys, separately and perhaps eventually all together in a big gang bang. lots of focus on louis’s big bum (even twerking, jiggling, etc.)

30) You Smell Like | Explicit | 185369 words

The one where Louis is the Alpha’s mate and everyone is aware of it except for Louis and Harry. Go figure!

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

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