#still gonna be here online for the next couple of months but thought id say smth now

[puppetlooselystrung]

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[strawberryspeachy]

I haven’t written much about this year.

The students are unmotivated and rude jerks. Whatever theyre teenagers and i tried to teach them. I wrote about some days that felt like wins but then theyd immediately revert back the next class

Here i am sitting here. Looking up why do my students hate me after i told them i have to leave and the vast majority are happy. The rest are apathetic with only a handful actually sad that I’m leaving

But at the past 8 schools ive worked my the vast majority of students love me

None of the reasons online fit me. And all ive thought all year is that they hate that i make them use their brains

So many kids in my classes as a student hated our teachers for the same reason. I knew it as a student and it annoyed me. Wed have a perfectly good and kind teacher but all the dicks in my classes would push and test them to see if they could break them. I always wanted them to just stop so I could pay attention. They wanted the teachers that sat back and let them goof off all class and no do anything. Then we take a test were not prepared for because we weren’t taught anything

I know im being the kind of teacher I LIKED as a student. And that its worked for me in the past. But it still feels pretty shitty

Of my first years who i thought all liked me. Most rlly didnt care that im leaving. I use the lessons that were already there. I make it lively. I add fun things. But i also make them use their brains… theyre doing phonics but i add critical thought questions because my older students cant do it and i want to start them early. They can do it. Ive gotten them thinking about what theyre reading and they can all answer well. But… seems most of them dont like me

I thought i finally won over my homeroom class. I never see them. I barely have any classes with them and i never got to do the homeroom duties i signed up to do. I stay around but most dont talk to me. And i gave them material to prep them to begin studying for college next school year. It was hard. All i wanted was tor them to try. And they seemed to finally understand that in the past month.

I really dont like the one girl. Shes new to the class this year and shes spend the entire year trying to distract the class when i talk or instigating bad behavior. I took her aside once in the beginning of the year and calmly told her to knock it off - and she listened better after that but she still does it. And honestly it ruins the class atmosphere. Shes always bad mouthing me under her breathe. Rolling her eyes. Smirking at the other students when i talk. Or just outright talkijt over me when im trying to explain things. And unfortunately shes popular in the class so its super disruptive. She has western family so her and another boy get mad that thry cant be effortlessly flawless in my class

Getting back to the they dont like me because i make them use their brains. The other students think those two are advanced and if they say something is too hard then it is. But they can do all of the work i give them. It doesnt take a long time for them to figure it out but it they DO need to use their brains.

Anyway bunch of them kept talking about how they were gonna improve next year and stuff so dumb me. I thought when i told them id be leaving theyd be a little disappointed but no. Apathy and immediately they started talking about the woman im subbing for who they barely know bc they only saw her for a couple months before she went on maternity leave and even then she called in sick all the time

All she did was have them do presentations while she sat around doing nothing because she didjt like them or teaching. Just like the other two bitch girls in the school. Then shes sit and zone out while they talked and say “good job”

I correct their work and give them feedback. I give them information and examples. I teach them new things. I sit down wnd help them figure it everything out and im happy to walk them through it

I just. It annoys me so much as both a teacher and a past student. I hated teachers who didnt help me improve. If i felt like i was doing busy work that they didn’t check i felt it was pointless and they were unnecessary in the classroom. I work so hard and i ensure im teaching my kids somethinggg

In the beginning of the year. My first class. I asked them to tell me what happened in Harry Potter. And they struggled. They couldnt explain much more than harry beat volemort and they couldn’t even tell me how. I had to hand hold them through the story even though they watched it and liked it and knew it.

I had them write a story as a class and they made a bizzare story about a character that did nothing and felt nothing.

Now they could walk me step by step through harry potter and tell me why everything happened and what the cause and effects of everything was as well as the characters motivations and relate it back to their personal lives and connect the story to the real world. They’ve written real stories about characters who feel and have goals and give them and entire story arch by themselves

They can write a simple thesis paper. They can create their own unique opinions and support them with strong and diverse examples

But yet

They’re excited at the prospect of someone who sits at their desk wkd does nothing all class coming back

I dont get mad at students

Im not strict

I do what i say ill do

I listen to their opinions

I talk them as young adults and take interest in their hobbies

I support their other school acitivies

I make fun activities for them and give them treats on special occasions

I know what the fuck im talking about and they have done all the work i ask them to do so im definitely teaching them how to do it

Im available but i also dont push myself in their conversations or activities like a weirdo - i let them come to me

And you know what its gotten me. They stole the expensive light i brought to make the dance party that i put together. They stole it. They lied about it. And they only gave it back when the male teachers threatened them about it.

If i didnt feel so dead. If everything else in my life wasnt already so heavy and mortifying. Id cry

The girl who hates teacher. Hates the kids. Doesnt do anything but take credit. Sits around like that other girl. Shes gonna be their teacher. Shell get all the credit for getting them into good schools. And theyll like her better because she doesn’t make them use their brain. And just plays basketball all class and flirts with the CHILD boys.

[blissedoutphil]

Tops Only Part 2

Dan’s favourite actor just opened a new bar right by the street near his apartment, and he couldn’t wait to check it out. One problem though, it was for Tops only, and Dan wasn’t one.

1389 words of Top!Phil, bottom!dan, AU where everyone’s born with a Type (top/bottom/switch)

There's a tiny part in here that was inspired by the Weenie Hut Jr episode of Spongebob. gotta love that classic

~Part 1~

or read on ao3!

“Thought you were gonna unstan him now.”

Dan rolled his eyes at Anthony’s remark, then went back to scrolling his tumblr. His post about how unfair Phil was with the bar had gained traction, and it was largely supported by his fellow Type. Though there were some Tops who grumbled about how people were taking things too seriously or tried to explain that it wasn’t unfair. Dan blocked those accounts. What do they know about unfair treatment?

Dan had asked Anthony to help with his plan B tonight: Perhaps they could let him in if he came with a Top. It would definitely irritate him if they allowed this, but at least he would be let in. Anthony easily agreed to try it out, so here they were waiting in line. He was a friend Dan didn’t deserve, always willing to indulge in Dan’s fanboying.

Dan had waited a couple of weeks, walking past the bar everyday but from across the road instead. He'd observed the different bouncers, trying to work out their schedules as he didn’t want to cross paths with the same one from his original attempt.

They stepped up to the new bouncer, who easily let Anthony through after they flashed their ID. But he held out a hand in front of Dan when Dan tried to quickly follow Anthony.

“Oh, I’m with him,” Dan reasoned.

“Still no can do buddy,” the bouncer stepped between him and Anthony.

“It’s okay I can take care of him,” Anthony spoke to the bouncer casually.

Inside, Dan hated the statement. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. But that’s just how the world worked and treated Types - Tops protect and care for their Bottoms. He understood where Anthony was playing at, so he played along and nodded with wide pleading eyes.

“Sorry,” the bouncer shook his head.

Dan frowned, but at least this bouncer was polite. Unfortunately though, he’d judged the guy too soon.

“I think you’d be better off in a Bottoms Only Bar,” the bouncer then suggested lightheartedly.

"Bottoms only?!" Dan repeated in surprise and seethed, “are you fucking kidding me?”

The bouncer shrugged unapologetically, swiftly moving on to the next person. Anthony shot Dan an apologetic look before he entered. Dan had prepared for this outcome, instructing Anthony to enter without him if he couldn’t so that he can bring back updates on what goes on inside that makes it so unacceptable for Dan to be let in.

Dan made his way back home begrudgingly, imagining himself opening a Bottoms Only Bar. See how Phil would like being excluded like this.

He sighed as he reached his door, shaking his head at his own thoughts. Why would Phil care about Dan’s made up Bottoms Only bar, he doesn’t even know who Dan is.

Dan entered his apartment and sprawled on his sofa, opting to scroll the internet while he waited for Anthony. The security at Phil’s bar was good, he read quite a number of fans’ posts on how they tried to sneak in not just through the bouncers but through any possible back doors. So far, nobody has had any luck still.

Anthony finally returned past 1am, startling Dan out of his accidental nap when he knocked on Dan’s door. Dan narrowed his eyes at Anthony when he opened the door.

“You didn’t need to be there that long,” Dan grumbled.

“Dude, it was...” Anthony was clearly very pumped up and tipsy after a good night out but he quietened, not wanting to make Dan feel bad about being unable to enter.

“Just tell me,” Dan groaned, slumping back on his sofa.

So Anthony related the events of his night. How there were Bottom waiters enticing the guests while serving their dessert and drinks. Giving them a show and dancing with the Tops, even getting sexual with those who gave extra tips.

“Did you like… get it on with a waiter or what?” Dan said judgmentally.

Anthony shrugged playfully, “The opportunity presented itself…”

Dan fake retched at Anthony’s confession, and got a playful punch on his shoulder in return.

It was clear from what Anthony told him that the bar really was catered for Tops only. That still didn’t satisfy Dan, though.

“He could’ve made an all-inclusive bar,” he pouted.

Anthony sighed empathically but he countered softly, “Well, it’s Phil’s way of finally expressing his Type I guess.”

“By capitalising on it and alienating a big part of his fanbase?” Dan spat.

“You really should unstan him if it bothers you, this is getting unhealthy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Dan stuck his tongue out at Anthony.

“I saw him there,” Anthony admitted in a small voice.

“What?” Dan perked up instantly, “What was he doing? Did you get any pictures?!”

“I didn’t, but I think he’s there most nights. He made a short appearance and thanked everyone for coming and supporting him. Played around with some of the Bottoms for a bit.”

Dan scoffed, but deep down he felt a bout of envy. He wondered how those Bottoms got the job.

“Trust me Dan, you wouldn’t enjoy it there anyway. You’re not missing out on anything,” Anthony tried to comfort him.

“I guess. Thanks for getting the inside scoop,” Dan joked half-heartedly, getting up from the couch.

“I’ve prepared the guest room,” he yawned as he headed towards his own room.

He’d heard enough. Maybe Anthony was right, there was no reason to let some celebrity affect him this much. He decided to sleep his negativity off, abruptly leaving Anthony in the lounge. His friend had stayed over enough times to know to make himself comfortable in Dan’s home anyway.

Of course, unstanning someone Dan had adored for years was easier said than done. A few days later, he was back on his bullshit. He’d tried searching for any information online on how to get a job in Phil’s bar, but there was nothing at all. He frowned, he of all people should’ve seen information about it. How the hell did he miss any job ads or casting calls or auditions or whatever?

Dan sighed as he walked past the bar from across the road after work again. He could’ve been working in there right now. Seeing Phil every night. Maybe dancing with him. Instead he was stuck in some boring office admin job.

The queue to enter never wavered despite it being almost a month since opening already. And despite knowing almost everything there was to know about the bar, Dan still longed to step inside and see it for himself.

He visited Anthony for lunch the next day. And to drop Plan C on his friend.

“Are you insane?!” Anthony said incredulously upon hearing Plan C.

“C’monnn, everyone says we look freakishly alike anyway!” Dan persuaded.

“And what happens if they find out you’re using my ID? Will you pay the fine for me? Bail me out of jail?” Anthony stared at him disbelievingly.

“Don’t be so dramatic!”

“Oh I’m the dramatic one here? It’s just a bar Dan, let it go.”

Dan fell silent. He knew Anthony was right, there was no point in arguing. He sagged against his chair in defeat.

Perhaps Anthony felt guilty for dismissing his idea like that because after their lunch, Anthony sat Dan down on his couch and turned on one of Dan’s favourite movies that Phil starred in. It was telling that Anthony was trying to cheer Dan up because he would never watch that movie on his own accord.

“How long are you gonna be all mopey like this?” Anthony sighed after the movie ended and Dan was still being quiet.

“How come... I didn’t at least know they were hiring waiters or something?" Dan spoke wistfully.

Anthony gave a long suffering sigh before saying, “Maybe that could be your Plan D if C doesn’t work out.”

Dan looked up at his friend in surprise, finding Anthony’s hand outstretched towards him with his ID in hand.

“Really?” Dan said in an unsure but hopeful tone.

“Take it before I change my mind,” Anthony huffed.

“Thank you!” Dan leapt up to land in Anthony’s lap and crush him in a tight hug, “I owe you one.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid to get yourself caught,” Anthony chuckled, returning the hug.

-------------------------------

~Part 1~

This chapter's kinda short but dw next one's gonna be longer! Sorry no sign of Phil (yet) but hope yall enjoyed some danthony this chapter :) I'm enjoying projecting fan behaviour onto Dan lol

There will be either 4 or 5 parts for this fic, idk we'll see! lmk what you think so far~

[acdeaky]

bad liar | III

warning: angst, little bit of fluff, strong language

note: there is a part at the beginning about star wars, but even if you’ve never seen it, please don’t skip it bc it’s important to the story! thanks and enjoy :))

word count: 1.4k

black lives matter

“so you’re telling me that you’ve never watched star wars?”

“no, i haven’t,” ben laughed, watching as you face turned from excitement to completely shock. “why’s it such a big deal?”

“why’s it such a big deal? star wars has given us, like, four cultural resets in the past 50 years, and is just an amazing film series.” you argued as you got up off of the sofa, heading towards ben’s kitchen to grab a bag of popcorn.

“four cultural resets? really? that many?” he teased, turning his body to the side to watch you over the back of the sofa.

“yes, ben, that many. there’s the original trilogy, the prequel trilogy, the sequel trilogy and the mandalorian.”

“the mandalorian?”

“the mandalorian,” you sighed, sitting back down next to ben while grabbing the remote. he took the bowl of popcorn from off your lap and into his as you found disney plus. “you know, the one with pedro pascal? that series?”

“oh, yeh,” came his muffled reply. “i think i remember hearing about it.”

“well, you won’t be able to watch it until after return of the jedi.” was all you said as you found the phantom menace and pressed play.

“and which trilogy is that in?”

“the original.”

“so i won’t have to wait too long to watch it.” only if he knew.

“yeh, you do,” you giggle, turning to face him completely as his face dropped. “it’s the original trilogy, but we’re watching them in chronological order of the story.”

“so how many films is there between the beginning and the mandalorian?”

“about eight.”

“eight?” ben asked in disbelief, watching your face for any tell-tale signs of you lying.

“yeh, eight. there’s the prequel and the original triology and then there’s solo and rogue one.”

“i cannot believe i agreed to this.” he huffed, completely leaning back into the cushions of the sofa.

“but you did, so let’s go.” just as you said that, the iconic orchestral piece of the star wars theme played through the speakers. you leaned back and moved slightly closer to ben, moving so you were comfortable before grabbing a handful of popcorn.

without you knowing, ben watched you as the credits rolled, seeing your eyes flick over the written synopsis of the movie like you haven’t seen it hundreds of times. he smiled subconsciously, his brain choosing that now would be the best time for his heart to thud against his chest and send a light blush up his neck and cheeks.

seeing you here and like this, in your element, was something ben loved. god, he would do anything, watch anything, listen to anything, if it meant that he would be with you and it would make you happy.

without realising, ben was falling in love with you, but he never knew that he would have a chance.

***

it wasn’t the pounding on the door that scared you, nor was it the coolness of the floor beneath you, but the reminder of last night. the tears, the sobs, more like. ben showing up unannounced. the emotion, the overwhelming nature of the situation. the half eaten tub of ice cream. the TV.

the TV.

surely enough, it was still playing in the near distance, but that wasn’t the biggest thought inside your mind as a second knock brought you back to the wooden floor beneath you.

you used the wall to help you up, looking at the mirror hanging on the wall to check how awful you looked; at least nothing was fresh, except for the pain.

just as the person on the other side rised their knuckle to rap against the door again, you clicked the lock, opening the door to be greeted by a hand in your face.

“oh, gosh, i’m sorry, miss. here’s your parcel.” right. the parcel you ordered yesterday as a ‘feeling sorry for yourself’ purchase. as you took the box out of the person’s hands and signed the tablet, shutting the door before they had even turned away, you felt shitter than you did when you woke up.

just the thought of what was in the box brought back last night and everything about it. but as you threw it onto your sofa with little care, it reminded you of one of the good nights. a good night with ben. the day you invited yourself over to his and forced him to watch every single star wars film, which was also the day you realised you were falling in love with him.

all that was in the box was a stupid figurine of ben’s favourite character (one you had (sub)consciously choosen to buy) and you couldn’t find it in yourself to open it. you couldn’t find it in yourself to open the box and be reminded of a time when things weren’t complicated. a time when your feelings were submerged by other things.

a time when you were certain with yourself and your feelings that you let your heart control everything.

but none of that mattered now. you ignored the glares you felt from the box, leaving it be where it landed. you switched off the TV, threw away the ice cream (tub and all) and decided the best thing to do to shower.

yes; a nice, warm shower would wash away the bad night. well, it would wash away the tears, the sweat and, hopefully, the backache from sleeping on the floor all night.

the first thing you noticed (after your shower) was your phone was dead. what you dreaded the most was the many missed calls and texts from ben, or anyone, which you would inevitably have to reply to. you found there was a few: a couple of texts saying sorry, a few voicemails which you debated listening to; you weren’t sure if you could handle another heartbreak.

so you didn’t. you left them unopened, as you did the texts, and got dressed, throwing on whatever felt the most comfy for another day of wallowing in self-pity.

you debated calling joe, or gwil, just to have someone to talk to about all this. but you decided against it, not wanting to pull other people into the breaking of two hearts. it didn’t matter to then. well, not personally anyway, but both joe and gwil would have been there for you, and for ben, if you had let them.

but you didn’t, and that’s how it stayed. you opened a new tub of ice cream (only after eating something that would be classed as a meal) and sat in the same position as the night before, the same crappy TV playing in front of you.

you were about three episodes in when the phone began to ring. you didn’t even bother looking at the caller-ID, knowing that you would just be ignoring them anyway. the phone completed it’s ring before the automated voicemail began to speak. when it beeped, you paused the TV.

“hi, Y/N, it’s me, ben. i’m guessing you didn’t answering because you saw it was me... or your phone’s dead... or you just aren’t answering any calls - which is understandable. i just wanted to apologise for last night; me coming over was stupid and greedy and selfish, but i had to see you. i had to see if you were hurting as much as i was when you ended this ‘relationship’.

“i’m sorry i put you under so much pressure, but i hoped that if you felt that way, that you’d talk to me... obviously i was wrong. and i want to apologise for everything: the relationship, the press, the unwanted feelings; i felt them, too. hell, i’ve felt a lot of things for you over the past few months, but i’ve been too afraid to say anything. and yet, here i am, pouring my heart out on voicemail.

“god, you’re probably not even gonna listen to this. your phone’s probably in your room on silent while you watch crappy TV and eat your weight in ice cream. which is fine, i’d do the same if i was with you. but i’m not with you, and that’s the hardest part. if, by some chance you’re hearing this, please pick up. i want to make things right, i want to tell you things i’ve been wanting to say for months, i want to-”

“hello? ben?” you picked up to silence. as soon as you answered, ben stood still, thinking this wasn’t going to happen, that you wouldn’t have answered.

but you did.

“ben? you okay?”

“i-”

<- previous | next ->

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[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love -Part 6

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N: Apologies my read more isnt working! WTF??

Chris had held my hand the entire the time we walked the red carpet, where as usually my arm would casually be linked with his when i attended events with him. When he stopped for photo's he pulled me close, his hand either resting on my hip or the small of my back. The press covering the Charity Event had been all over us as soon as it was apparent that i was now more than just a friend. This news had blown up on social media and gossip columns of course!

"Will you put that down and eat" Chris mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to find me on the ipad again.

"Its been days and their still going on about it! Your fans hate me now by the way!"

"Babe we knew they'd be some hate, just stop looking at it. Remember its not good for the baby if you stress yourself out" he said sitting next to me and pulling the ipad from my hands "no more of that"

"Fine" i rolled my eyes stabbing a piece of fruit and popping it in my mouth"

"It will calm down i promise"

"Yeah eventually, then we're gonna drop the baby bombshell and all hell will break loose again"

"It will be fine, im sure theres plenty of nice things being said. Its just your only looking at the bad"

"Your lucky i love you Evans" i shook my head as i stabbed another piece of fruit, when I looked up Chris was looking at me with a huge cheesy smile "why are you smiling at me like that?"

"You just said you love me" he said smugly, i instantly felt myself start to panic..... shit, was it too soon to admit that??

"Well of course i love you...." i shrugged casually even though my heart was racing "your my best friend...."

"I love you too" he said quickly stopping my nervous ramblings as he leant forward pressing a kiss to my lips. We were soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing "ignore it" he mumbled against my lips making me laugh.

"I cant its probably your mom"

"Way to kill the mood sweetheart"

"Im sorry baby" i reached for my phone and quickly answered before it cut off.

"Hi Lisa"

"Hey sweetie, the girls and me are going to take you out for lunch today"

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine i promise"

"Shanna said she had been texting you and you seemed down so we're taking you out to take your mind off it"

"I don't even have anything to wear, I'm still at Chris's...."

"Well, we'll pick you up at your place at say 13:00? That gives you plenty of time to get home and dressed for lunch"

"Yeah okay, i guess that works"

"Okay, well i'll let you go and i'll see you at 13:00"

"See you then" i ended the call and turned to Chris "i gotta go"

"What, why?"

"Your mom and sisters are taking me to lunch to cheer me up apparently"

"So why do you have to leave now?"

"Because i haven't got anything to wear here, everything i had is dirty and i cant go to lunch in your shirt" i rolled my eyes at him "id better get my stuff together and get home. Their picking me up at 13:00" i gave him a quick kiss and walked out heading to his bedroom to get my things.

After shoving my dirty clothes back into my bag and pulling on my shorts i headed back out to find Chris sitting at the dining table staring out the window.

"You okay?" I asked running my fingers through his hair and placing a kiss to the side of his head. Chris looked up at me nodding with a smile before pulling me into his lap.

"I don't want you to go" he pouted making me chuckle.

"I gotta go baby, you know how difficult it is to tell your mom and sisters no"

"Move in with me" he suddenly said, i thought he was joking but when i leant back to look at him he was obviously being dead serious.

"What??"

"It makes sense that you move in, i mean your here with me more than your at your place anyway. Plus i want you and the baby here with me"

"Your serious aren't you...."

"Of course i am, it feels right when your here"

"Okay...." i nodded with a smile "if your sure thats what you want?"

"Yes!!"

"I still gotta go now though" i laughed before kissing him quickly and jumping up "i love you!" I called as i neared the front door.

"I love you too!".

Lunch was at a little place called 'Lou's' it was a small family run Italian place Chris and I found years ago and absolutely loved. We were seated in back as soon as we arrived and the four of us were soon eating lunch and chatting away.

"I still cant believe you and Chris are finally together" Carly said taking a mouthful of her wine "and... pregnant" she whispered the last part.

"Yeah i know, it came as a bit of a shock to us too but I'm glad it happened. His honestly the best man i know" i said feeling myself blush.

"I think you make a cute couple" Shanna added smiling at me, we'd always gotten along well she was one of my closest friends.

"Thanks Shan, that means alot" i picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

The waitress approached our table offering to top up the wine glasses, as she got to mine i stopped her quickly and just asked for some more water. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, her name was Debra and she was so used to serving Chris and me and me usually drinking too much wine!

"Your not drinking?"

"Jesus Debra, you say that like Ive got a drinking problem" i joke with her "no, I'm just not feeling too great today so avoiding the alcohol"

"Your not pregnant are you!?" She laughed.

"Oh god no! Im fine really"

"Okay just checking" she winked and walked off.

"When are you guys gonna announce the news?" Shanna asked quietly from beside me.

"If i had my way? Never!"

"Sweetheart you'll be fine" Lisa added trying to be supportive, the truth was there was nothing anyone could say that would make me believe it would be okay.

"Im terrified, the things ive read online since that Charity Gala.... i can only imagine what will be said about this"

"We're all here for you both, you can always come to Boston and stay with us if you need a break"

"Thank you Lisa, when do you all head back to Boston?"

"End of the month, we'll come back nearer the time of.... you know" she nodded at my stomach.

"You don't have to do that...."

"I want to, your gonna need family around you"

"Im coming too!" Shanna added taking hold of my hand.

"You guys are the best, I've always thought of you as family.... you know i don't have anything to do with my own family...so I'm grateful for you all"

While we were eating desert i got a message from Chris.

Hey sweetheart, your coming back here tonight right? Xx

"Is that brother of mine texting you already?" Shanna nudged me playfully.

"Yeah" i smiled as i replied to the message.

Hey babe, yeah i'll be back tonight after I've picked up some clean clothes and things xx

You need me to pick you up? Xx

Sure, i'll text you when I'm home. We're just finishing up desert shouldn't be much longer xx

I'll be waiting for your message, i miss you! Xx

Your so needy! :p xx

Miss you too though xx

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" i told the girls before getting up and making my way out back.

Once i was done and was making my way back to our table i was suddenly approached by a guy holding a camera who was constantly snapping photo's of me.

"Excuse me sir you cant be in here doing that!" I heard Lou say loudly and start to lead the guy out, even then he didn't stop snapping photo's. Lisa, Shanna and Carly came rushing over hearing the commotion and got me back to our table hidden in the back.

"You okay hun?" Carly asked sitting me down in my chair.

"Yeah, just wasn't expecting that as soon as i stepped out of the bathroom"

"What an asshole" Shanna muttered making me laugh.

"Y/N I'm so sorry, i didn't see him come in" Lou said as he approached our table.

"Its fine Lou, you can't keep them away all the time" i smiled at him, once he could see we were okay he got back to work.

"Well so much for cheering you up" Lisa scoffed picking her wine glass up and drinking the rest in one gulp.

"You did cheer me up, I've had a lovely afternoon" i said truthfully even though i couldn't wait to get home to Chris.

We settled the bill and got back to the cars, 30 minutes later i was home and packing my bag ready to head to Chris's.

Hey, what the hell happened at lunch? You got papped?? Xx

Yeah, guy just started taking photo's as i came out of the bathroom. It was fine Lou got him out xx

Your sure your okay? Xx

Im fine, come get me? Im Just finishing up packing my things xx

Im leaving now, wont be long xx

While i sat waiting for Chris the notifications on my social media accounts started going crazy! I opened one and saw a photo of me sitting having lunch with Chris's family, the caption stating how things must be getting serious if I'm having lunch with his family. The comments were mostly people saying how i didn't deserve to be with Chris and how much better he could do than me, that i was only with him for the fame and money.... i couldn't stop the tears that ran freely down my face.

Baby love tags: @jennmurawski13 @mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl @vampgirl1997 @ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse @chmedic @esoltis280

@southerngracela @bethabear12 @letsdisneythings

@sellulii @patzammit @katiew1973

[astrozones]

Sanders Behavioral Health, Chapter 4: Mother Logan

three hours bouta be gone

discord for only the truest Lads. gender dont matter- Astro’s Zone

Three hours.

Fifteen minutes.

Another hour.

Another break.

And so on and so forth, until it was exactly 8:45 p.m. and Logan would get ready for bed, and when 9:00 came around he would ideally be sleeping, no electronic devices in sight.

It was the perfect schedule for a weekend of study. And Logan sure did need it, he was only a couple months ahead in the curriculum, which was a month less than where he should be right now.

But just as Logan sat down to start, his phone chimed. Logan was 100% prepared to ignore it, but the voice told him he had to pick it up. The metaphorical voice, of course. Now that he knew how to identify it, he knew it was either his OCD or anxiety, and oftentimes both.

Logan stared at the book in front of him, not moving in the slightest. He knew it was stupid, he didn’t have to check anything. But, he could still anxiety rushing through his body.

He picked up the phone and went through his texts, feeling relief almost instantaneously.

FamILY!

{ We should all hang out today!!! }

[ Wait whend the chat name change ]

| like last night roman where were you |

[ Sleeping??? ]

| sleep? who’s she never heard of her |

[ And going back to Patton i am free today ]

{ Yay!!!! }

| my parents are gonna force me to do homework if I don’t, so sure |

{ !!!! }

{ Logan? }

{ We can see you’re online!! }

( I’m afraid I am busy today. I’m studying. )

{ I thought you were ahead in the class?? }

( Yes, I am. But I am not where I want to be. )

{ Aw, Logan!! You should take time to not overwork yourself!!! }

( I do. And I was under the impression that you were busy this weekend. )

[ And i oop- ]

| i can’t believe roman’s a vsco girl |

[ sksksksk ]

| that wasn’t an invitation. |

{ I am for most of the day!! I was thinking we could have a sleepover!!!! ^-^ }

| wait so i do have to do my homework? |

| i’m willing to do it if it means i get to punch roman when he acts like a vsco girl again |

[ Id like to see you try ]

{ I would very much prefer there to be no punching, but it’s great to see you’re both in!!! }

{ And Logan? }

( ... )

( I suppose I can think about it. )

{ OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! }

{ We have the whole famILY :3!!! }

| huh I thought roman would’ve had something to say about that. |

{ I do have some bad news though ;-; }

{ My parents are repainting our living room and don’t wanna risk anyone messing it up :( }

{ So I was wondering if either of you were willing to host? Not Logan because he’s still considering it }

| ugh i should’ve been more picky about it and I wouldn't have to go through this |

| well my room’s too messy and it’d take more than the day to clean |

{ Well, Roman??? }

{ Roman?????????? }

[ Wait what ]

[ Sorry one of my posters fell down and i had to fix it ]

[ Lemme read through the chat ]

| lmao |

[ … ]

[ asdkfldsaihateyouvirgildksfl i suppose i can do it ]

| hey i see that |

[ My parents are out for the weekend so yea ]

{ !!!! YAY!!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! }

-- --

Logan’s anxiety was yelling at him once more, telling him he needed to put the phone down. Ever compliant to the voice, he put it in a drawer under the desk. A little unnecessary, sure, but it made him feel better.

Logan shook his head, the voice driving into him once more. He was off-schedule! That’s 10 minutes of studying, wasted . He was certainly going to fail, all it would take was one set off his system and he’d get addicted to the freedom it promised.

He took out his pencil, and arranged the books around him to be exactly how he wanted. If it wasn’t, it would be unbalanced, and that certainly wouldn’t do.

Because everyone knows you can’t study unless you have a perfect workspace.

Right?

--

Logan was outside his house, door in front of his face. He huffed.

His parents had kicked him out for a couple hours, telling him he had to go outside for once instead of staying holed up in his study room.

They didn’t get it.

They didn’t get why it was wrong .

According to them, Ramona Steers, a staff from Sanders, had told them all the ins and outs of what they needed to help Logan get better, and that making him go outside was one of them.

Originally, they said he’d have to be out for 5 hours, but once he told them about the sleepover situation, they had agreed to take an hour off.

So, he was going to a sleepover, he had 4 hours outside, $100 to spend as he wished, and nowhere to go.

--

Logan walked into the popular local café, The Lolapad, known for it’s fantastic drinks, welcoming aesthetic, and it’s kind owner, Lola Adams.

Lilo was at the counter today, alongside her coworker… Patton?! Logan narrowed his eyes, Patton had never talked about a job, and Logan was a frequent visitor to The Lolapad. Logan knew he had to question him about it.

Well, once he got through this excruciatingly long line, anyway.

The only downside to The Lolapad was its popularity. With it being this early in the morning, it was full of daytime workers preparing for the long day ahead of them. Logan sighed.

He admired the decorations. The floor was a deep blue, to mimic water. The tables were designed like lilypads, and the chairs had a flower pattern. The walls were purple, with painted vines crawling up in some corners of the room.

The ceiling decor was the most impressive, though. Soft, blue lights and glass hung on wires from the ceiling, almost like bubbles flying towards the sky. There was no competition that would ever pass The Lolapad, at least not anywhere nearby.

He recognized a few students lounging in chairs, mostly consisting of the upbeat, extroverted club members.

And, if he was right, one Vanessa Cordill, with her boyfriend, Jace Lendell.

God, he despised Vanessa. She had been a huge bully in the past, only stopping after he stopped reacting to it. Logan hardly had anything to do in class, having learned all of this in his own time, and his teachers would yell at him the moment he picked up a book to study ahead of the curriculum. So, seeing what his classmates were doing was the only interesting option.

And oh, Logan saw .

He was never one for gossip, but he remembered so many things.

And most of it had to do with Vanessa.

Like that time she had snuck a gun into the bag of the boy beside her- Victor Jackson. Victor was taller, and larger, and had a mean-looking face. For anyone who got to know him, though, he was very sweet, and hated hurting people.

Victor was expelled the next day.

Logan had, of course, defended Victor. But Vanessa was convincing, lying her way through her nice girl act until the principal was convinced.

So, Logan did what he did best. He collected evidence. And, once he felt as though he had enough, he would report her.

But until then, he was forced to stand by and watch as Vanessa got to do whatever she wanted.

She was like a villain out of a bad movie, or a crappy fanfiction.

“Oh, Logan!” Patton’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts. Logan was at the front of the line, apparently. “I didn’t expect to see you here!”

“Neither did I,” he responded. “When did you start working here?”

“Oh, no, I don’t usually work here! Jessalyn asked me to replace her today, well, she asked last week- so I’m working here for a couple hours! Lola was okay with it, she’s really nice y’know? And-”

“Are you getting paid?” Logan asked. It would be rather selfish of Jessalyn to keep all of the money, at least in his opinion.

Patton shook his head. “Nuh-uh. But I’m okay with it though! I like helping people. Now, what can I get ya?”

--

Logan found himself on a swing at an empty park. He had finished his drink, and was now letting himself go back, and forth, back, and forth. He wasn’t the biggest fan of attempting to do anything… potentially dangerous, but he found softly letting himself go back and forth was a good way to collect his thoughts.

The birds chirped in the background as the sun shone above him. Everything was as it should be, but he couldn’t stay too long at the risk of getting a sunburn.

He heard a text come in, and he pulled out his phone.

FamILY!

{ If your son gets burnt by the sun, is it a sonburn? }

-- --

Logan smiled slightly as the replies came in from his friends, all exclamations of distaste as Patton sent a plethora of emojis, that mostly being-

Oh.

Wait.

His friends .

…

Hm.

Not that he was against that, of course, but the immediate reaction of calling them his friends was, well, a little unnerving. He had always been the quiet one, and had a few friends in the past, though they had all moved away to other towns or cities or whatever . He didn’t care.

And if his new friends did the same, he would be okay with that. Yes, he would definitely be okay with that. If they cared, they would contact him, and if they didn’t, he was okay with that. There was no use fighting it, after all that would only give him more time to study.

As it should be.

He put his phone away, no use replying, as he had already agreed to go to their sleepover.

He heard giggling from behind him. He was brought back to the real world, only to find that he had slowed to a stop. Logan turned his head around.

There stood a small being, maybe 6-7 years old, and definitely a child. He had a light brown mop of hair on his head, and donned a red-black-green coat and tiara. He stood to face… it.

“Hi! I’m Adrian!” the kid said, stuttering over the ‘r’. “What’s- did you just get done from a- a-

‘businesses’ meeting or somethin?”

Logan looked down at himself. He wasn’t even wearing a tie today… he had a simple black button-up shirt, and jeans. What about this screamed ‘professional’?

“No,” was all he said in response.

“Are you- are you gonna go to a businesses meeting?”

“No. I’m still in high school.” At this, the miniature human named Adrian grinned, and he could practically see the metaphorical sparkles.

“That’s so cool! I’m only in firs’ grade, but Mommy says I’m gonna be 7 in-” Adrian started counting on his fingers. “15 months!”

“What… do you mean 15 days?” he asked, it was either that or 15 weeks. Adrian nodded excitedly. What he was excited for, Logan couldn’t tell.

“YEAH! I’m gonna be so smart!” Adrian boasted, causing Logan to smile slightly. “Do you wanna come play wif me?”

“I- er-” he was cut off as the 6-year-old grabbed his hand and tugged him along towards a large willow tree.

“I’m gonna show you my friend- her name is Joy! She has two dads, isn’t that so cool! Some people make funs of her for it- but I find it cool! She’s really funny, there she is!” He pointed towards a girl, presumably 6 as well, in a princess costume, and very red hair.

“JOY! I FOUNDS US A FRIEND FOR OUR TEA PARTY!” hold on, tea party ?!

“It’s Princess Joy now,” the girl stated, surprisingly strict for someone so small. “Who is he?”

“Dis is Logan!” Adrian said, adding in a whispered, “he’s a buisnesses man”

“Hold on-” Logan tried. He suddenly found the purple princess in front of him, eyebrow raised. Was he about to get judged by a child?

“Hmm,” Joy said, looking him up and down before nodding. “He may stay.”

She turned around and strutted back to where she was sitting before. She dusted off her skirt before plopping down on the ground, gesturing for them to sit near her.

“We don’t have an actual table, so we gotta pretend.” Adrian whispered to him before skipping over and sitting near Joy. Logan reluctantly joined them.

“Princess Adrian, may you please pour the tea?” Joy instructed. Adrian nodded, miming the actions of pouring.

“Princess?”

“Yes, Peasant Logan,” Logan jerked his head back, this kid - “Princess is longer than prince so’s it’s better than a prince. Princess Adrian and me are both princesses.”

“Prince and princess are equal titles.” Logan said. Joy actually looked offended .

“Impossible.”

“Yeah!” Adrian chimed in, sitting himself down in his spot. “Everyone knows that.”

“But-”

“Princess Adrian! That’s rude, Logan’s a peasant so he didn’t know.” Joy said, taking a ‘sip’ of imaginary tea.

“Oh! Sorrys Logan.” Adrian’s voice lowered, and if Logan was right he was on the verge of tears?

“Er… It’s okay Adri- Princess Adrian.”

Adrian brightened. “YAAAY!” he cheered, getting up and bouncing around him. Logan didn’t know what to do-

“That is not princess behavior, Princess Adrian.” Joy said, turning up her nose. Adrian looked confused.

“It isn’t?”

“Princesses are more quiet. I’m 7, so I know better.”

“I’m 17,” Logan cut in. Joy turned to him.

“And? You’re still a peasant, Logan. I don’t makes the rules,” Joy put her cup of tea down. “I only knows them.”

Logan was about to respond, when-

“Woah, hey what’s going on here?” another voice said. Turning around, Logan saw Roman enter their little… area behind the leaves. He sighed.

Adrian gasped from beside him, nearly tripping over his feet in order to get to Roman. He peered up at him.

“Are yous a prince?” He asked, practically vibrating where he stood. Roman scoffed.

“Of course I am, I’m Prince Roman! I just lost my crown.” Roman announced. Adrian glanced at Joy, who nodded, causing Adrian to smile.

“I’m Princess Adrian! That’s,” he turned back around to point at Joy and Logan. “Princess Joy and Peasant Logan.” Roman, the bastard, hid his giggles behind his hand. Logan glared.

“Peasant Logan didn’t knows that princesses are higher than princes cause princess is longer. That’s true, right?” He asked, dragging Roman along to sit with them. Roman looked at Logan, smug.

“Of course! It’s common knowledge! For shame, Logan!” Roman exclaimed as he sat.

“For shame!” Adrian repeated. Logan groaned, shoving his face into his hands. This is not how he thought his day would go.

He felt a small hand pat his knee, and he looked up to see Joy looking at him with a sympathetic frown.

“It’s okay, Logan. Not all of us can be royalty.” She said, before returning to her princess persona and commanding, “Princess Adrian, would you may please pour Prince Roman some tea?”

Adrian nodded, standing up and dashing around the ‘table’ to give Roman his… ‘tea’.

“Thank you, Princess Adrian, I am forever in your debt.” Roman mock bowed from his sitting position. Adrian giggled before returning to Joy.

“Once we are done with our tea, we shall help you find your crown, Prince Roman.” Joy said before taking another sip.

“Of course. Thank you, Your Highness,” Roman faked taking a sip of his tea. “I must say, this tea is quite delicious! I commend your skills, Princess Joy.”

Joy preened at the praise, resituating the tiara on her head. “Thank you, Prince Roman. It is greatly appra- appre- appreciated.”

Minutes of his free time went by as they all mimed sipping tea and making small talk. Well, all except Logan. That quickly changed once Joy prompted him to start drinking, with Adrian and Roman piping up in agreement. Begrudgingly, Logan followed through.

Eventually, Joy stood up and announced that they had all finished their tea, and had to search for Roman’s crown. Logan argued that Roman’s crown didn’t exist. Joy said he was just a peasant and didn’t know what he was talking about. That shut Logan up pretty quick.

So, he was dragged around on the search for a crown he was certain didn’t exist. Joy separated them into teams, Roman and Joy on one, Logan and Adrian on the other. She said her reasoning was ‘one to search and one to protect’, with both her and Adrian on the search side.

Logan silently followed Adrian around as he set out to find it, looking in the places it couldn’t even be at times.

“Logan!” Adrian whispered, tugging on his sleeve. “Logan look! Issa bunny.”

And it was. A cream colored rabbit was frozen staring at them, ready to move at any sudden movement. Hm, that reminded him of Virgil… or was that rude?

He watched as Adrian slowly crept up on the rabbit. Logan looked around to find Joy and Roman. He saw Joy’s bright purple dress… in a tree? Roman was right next to her, carefully following to catch her if she fell while she was searching the tree.

He turned once more to Adrian, only to find him cuddling the bunny. Odd… if it were wild, it would have bolted the moment he came too close, so this one must be socialized. He walked towards Adrian and the rabbit.

Adrian smiled at him as he approached.

“I named him Jerry!” Adrian whispered, extending the rabbit towards Logan. “Wanna pet ‘im?”

Logan reached out to Jerry, only to jump back when it tried to bite him.

“Bad Jerry! Don’t bite people!” Adrian reprimanded the animal, as if it were a dog and not a clearly aggressive rabbit.

Well, at least when they brought it over to the other two it attempted to bite them, so at least it wasn’t exclusively Logan. It seemed to only like Adrian, to Adrian’s delight and Joy’s distaste. They were quickly corralled into a game of House by Joy, the quest for Roman’s crown forgotten.

Joy claimed herself as the father, saying, “I have two dads so I have to be the dad!”. Both Roman and Adrian nodded in agreement at her claim. She pointed to Logan.

“You shall be the mom!”

“ What- ”

“You act like a mom so you are a mom.” She cut him off, turning to Adrian and Roman for confirmation. They both agreed, Roman looking amused at Logan’s sneer.

“I’ll be the kid!” Adrian announced. Joy nodded and pointed to Roman.

“You can be the dog! Because you remind me of the golden dogs.” She said. Logan would’ve laughed if he hadn’t been put in a worse situation. Roman nodded, looking determined.

“Woof,” was all he said. Joy nodded once more.

“Perfect.”

—

So Logan found himself playing a game of House, something he hadn’t done in years . He interacted as little as they would let him, dear god if another student came and saw him like this, he wouldn’t survive.

He ended up there for far longer than he had wanted, a total of 6 hours since he was kicked out. Yet he was reluctant to leave, he knew it would break the kids hearts if he did.

He was finally freed from his metaphorical prison when a voice called,

“Adrian! Come on, we gotta drop off Joy at her dads’ house!” A woman called. Logan glanced at Adrian.

“Is that your mom?” he asked. Adrian nodded, turning to the two older men. He gave them both hugs, first Logan, then Roman. He even gave Roman his tiara, saying he was sorry they couldn’t find his crown, and he had more tiaras at home. He turned as Joy stood up and they both sprinted towards Adrian’s mom, well, only after Adrian had picked up Jerry.

Both of the remaining boys watched, amused, as Adrian seemed to argue with his mother before she gave up and let Jerry in the car. Before Adrian got in the car, though, he turned to the boys.

“Bye-bye Logan! Bye-bye Prince Roman!” he shouted, before disappearing into the car.

“So,” Roman started, and Logan mentally prepared to be poked fun at.

“See you at my house in a couple hours?” Logan blinked, once, twice, before he realized that he wasn’t being made fun of for playing with children for several hours. Well, he supposed that made sense, as Roman had done the same.

“Uh… sure.” Was all he said before making his way back home.

—

Logan was stressed, to say the least, when he got home. His parents were happy that he stayed out for longer than they had offered, but all Logan’s mind would acknowledge was that he went off schedule. He was going to be so behind, this is why you don’t go off schedule, Logan! You get looped into it, and you’ll never get out of it.

He dedicated the rest of his free time to studying.

As it should be.

[artificialqueens]

Sweet like Sugar (Branjie) - Delia

AN: Hey lovelies! This is my first time writing fic, so please be gentle but also let me know what you think…a little Branjie sugar mommy for your nerves x ps: if you have any questions, comments or concerns feel free to hit me up on @thvnderfuckz pps: tw for some, very minor, implied daddy kink

BLH

25/F/New York City

I’m a 25 year old dancer from Toronto, working to start my career. I like fashion, nights out, and travelling. Seeking a partner who is fun, adventurous, and willing to support me in pursuit of my dream.

Brooke Lynn read over her bio for what must have been the seventh time in as many minutes and let out a sigh. Each draft that she’d written had sounded more robotic than the last. It’d been a long time since she had to write anything like this, having deleted Tinder, Bumble, and HER off her phone not long after she left Toronto. Since moving to New York, she’d discovered that she much preferred going out and finding women to hook up with in person. With her long blonde hair, dancer’s physique, and innate flirtiness, it was easy enough to find someone willing to take her home for the night. Easier, at least, than talking to a girl on an app for weeks, only to find out that she was interested in a long term commitment, and having to deal with their messy emotions after Brooke told them that she wasn’t interested. If there was one thing that she did not do, it was relationships.

And now, she was trying to get paid to be in one.

She’d be lying if she said that she never thought she’d be in a position like this. From the time Brooke had told her friends and family that she’d wanted to pursue dance as a full time career, she’d been given the “wouldn’t you rather something more secure” speech more times, and by more people than she could be bothered to count. Even her older sister Katya, who’d chosen to make abstract semi-sacrilegious art her vocation in life, had tried to suggest to her that she do something with a future that was less uncertain. But Brooke knew that she was born to dance, no matter what anyone tried to tell her to the contrary. If anything, their doubt fuelled her drive, and made it all the sweeter when she’d been offered a role in ensemble of the Broadway production of Moulin Rouge! upon her graduation from Ryerson. The moment that she’d stepped off the plane at JFK and stepped into the apartment that she would be sharing with another ensemble member from the show, Scarlet, she felt as though she was living her wildest dreams come true.

In all of her excitement at the time, Brooke forgot that the most wonderful dreams often lead to the harshest wake ups.

Four months into her run, the cast began to notice a dwindling number of fans at the stage door after each performance. Five months into her run, cast and crew alike began whispering about finding new jobs soon. Six months into her run, on a particularly humid Sunday in July, the cast and crew were gathered by the production team before everyone left the theatre and were told that the show would be closing at the beginning of September, after the Labour Day weekend. Brooke immediately started panicking at the prospect of being out of a job in one of the most expensive cities in the world. There was nothing she wanted less than to have to move back home to Toronto with her tail between her legs.

It had been two years since Moulin Rouge! closed, and although Brooke had managed to avoid making the move back home, she hadn’t been able to get a job performing since. She was always too tall, or too technical, or didn’t have enough personality. She’d been able to find a job in the meantime, teaching classes at a dance studio in Tribeca, but the money she made from that was barely enough to cover her necessities. It certainly didn’t cover luxuries such as brunch with your ex-roommate, as Brooke found out after her credit card was declined at her and Scarlet’s bi-weekly date. She barely had time to try and form an apology before she witnessed Scarlet reaching into her purse and placing a crisp one hundred dollar bill on the table, telling the waitress to keep the sixty dollars in change. Her embarrassed expression transformed into one of jaw-dropped shock as the redhead pulled her from the restaurant.

On the walk back to the subway, Scarlet revealed to Brooke that she’d been various “mutually beneficial relationships” with different men since she’d first moved to the city when she was 19, and that it had been her main source of income even while she was performing.

“It’s easy money, plus it’s kind of empowering,” explained Scarlet in her low voice, which still held a hint of the drawl indicative of her Southern upbringing. “It’s like, they have the money but I have all the emotional power. Without me generously donating my time to them, all these men have are their frigid marriages, or soul sucking jobs. A lot of the time the only thing standing between these powerful, rich men and a complete nervous break is me. And if that’s not power, I don’t know what is. So if I have to laugh at a few bad jokes and kiss a couple of CEOs to be able to live the kind of life I want, all while knowing that I could end any of these men at any given moment, then so be it.”

Oddly inspired by her friend’s speech, Brooke downloaded the sugar dating app onto her phone later that day.

And now here she was, sitting in front of her laptop at 11:00 pm on a Saturday night, drinking a bottle of wine and stress reading her three sentence bio for at least the tenth time. Fuck it, she thought, this is as good as it’s gonna get.

After clicking the “submit” button, Brooke was redirected to a page showing all of the potential sugar daddies in her area. As she scrolled through pages upon pages of photos of headless torsos, she became increasingly regretful of her decision to not filter out men immediately.

CEToEs

Disgusting.

KinkyExec

Nope.

DominantDaddy

Absolutely not.

Brooke was a lesbian, and had known that since she was 14. However, Scarlet told her that there were far more sugar daddies than sugar mommies in the New York area, and that a lot of the time the men didn’t necessarily even want sex. But as she clocked the usernames of several of the daddies on the app, it was clear that the redhead had either lied to her or was somehow the most blissfully oblivious girl in the city.

The blonde promptly returned to her settings page and deselected men as an interest. When she returned to the home page, she was delighted to see the profiles of fifty-or-so women pop up. She began scrolling again, hoping that someone would catch her eye.

WorldsMostPunkRockMoms

Meh. The two blonde women in the thumbnail picture were definitely beautiful, but Brooke didn’t know how she felt about getting involved with a couple who had a child.

Detoxicant

The woman in this picture looked like she’d had a lot of plastic surgery. Still, she was hot. Brooke tapped the little heart icon next to the photo and continued scrolling.

Toward the bottom of the page there was one profile that had a little green dot next to the thumbnail. Brooke took a little comfort in the fact that she wasn’t the only one on this app at this time on a weekend night. She clicked on the profile and two pictures filled her screen. The first was a headless torso shot of a woman wearing an oversized Versace t-shirt as a dress. Although her face was out of frame, Brooke could tell that the woman’s hair was a caramel brown, at least at the tips, and went to just below her collarbone. The second image was another faceless picture, but in this one the woman was wearing a spaghetti strapped red dress, showing off her deeply tanned skin and an, in Brooke’s opinion, weirdly specific chest tattoo of a hairless cat atop a red rose. The bio beneath the pictures read:

V 23/F/New York City

no face pics because i gotta stay lowkey. promise i’m not gonna kill you or anything like that, just lookin for a cute girl i can take out and trEat right.

Brooke rolled her eyes at the innuendo and let out a small huff of a laugh. The girl obviously had some sort of sense of humour, which she supposed was important. And it was pretty impressive that someone so young was in a position where they could support someone else financially.

The green dot was still displayed next to V’s username. She was still online. Brooke took a deep breath and clicked the chat icon at the bottom of the screen, typing out a quick, hopefully flirty-but-without-coming-on-too-strong, message.

BLH: I hate to break it to you, but saying ‘I’m not gonna kill you’ sounds exactly like what someone who would kill me would say ;)

Brooke quickly exited out of the app and opened up Instagram to check and see if Katya or her wife had added any new photos of their cats or dog. Before she could even begin typing her sister’s name into the search bar, her phone dinged, letting her know that V had responded.

V: hate to break it to you babe but saying youre looking for a partner sounds like youre tryna open up a lawyers office

Brooke swore under her breathe. She knew she sounded too robotic.

BLH: Oh god, I’m sorry. I’ve never done anything

V: lol relax mami, youre cute with all your worrying

She bit down on her lower lip, half in frustration and half trying to suppress a smile. V was already teasing her about her worrying, and they hadn’t even met yet.

BLH: Aren’t you more of the mommy in this situation though ;)

V: i mean i usually prefer daddy ;)

Brooke felt a quick rush of heat to her center at the word “daddy”. She closed her eyes trying to stave away memories of various nights in the alleyways behind various bars with various women.

BLH: I think I can make that work ;)

V: listen, not to be too upfront but youre gorgeous and id love to take you out sometime if youd want?

V: we could meet and figure out an allowance or something if thats what you want! ive done this once before and it was a really good experience for both of us…i gave her around $8000 a month for rent and stuff but we could figure out something specially for you if you need somethin different

Brooke could’ve sworn she felt her heart stop when she read the word “month”. She’d never been with one single person for more than three nights, much less on a month to month basis. But V seemed nice at least. And if not nice, she was at least experienced at this kind of arrangement, and was apparently quite generous to boot. Eight thousand dollars a month would cover her rent and utilities almost four times over. Eight thousand dollars a month would mean that she wouldn’t have to worry about getting her card declined at brunch. Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she wouldn’t have to pick up every possible shift at the studio, and could spend more time going to auditions.

Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she was definitely not turning V down right off the bat.

BLH: I’d love that. Name the time and place, I’m free when you are.

BLH: Daddy ;)

Brooke Lynn Hayhoe doesn’t do relationships — but for eight thousand dollars a month, she was willing to fake it.

[heyyyharry]

Happy Birthday

(from the Flatmate Series)

...in which Y/N throws Harry a surprise birthday party, but Harry ends up making her cry.

This story took place before Y/N and Harry discovered their feelings for each other. 

wattpad link

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Harry hated birthday parties.

He didn’t have a terrible childhood as everyone might assume, he just thought birthday parties were flashy. A bunch of people gathering around you to sing a stupid song while you stood there like an awkward fool, waiting for the song to end to make a wish that would never come true. If that wasn’t flashy, what was?

Harry’s last birthday party was in third grade. And he couldn’t remember what happened except for his parents inviting a bunch of kids from his class, most of whom didn’t even like him and only showed up for free food. That was the reason Harry had sworn to let nobody know his actual birthday.

This took place a couple of months ago, it was Y/N’s turn to do the laundry, and by accident, she found Harry’s ID card in his pants pocket and discovered his date of birth. He didn’t know that she knew and she wasn’t planning on telling him. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to throw him a surprise party which she had planned one month prior to the special day.

“Harry hates birthday parties. And he’s gonna hate you for this.” Niall stood with his arms crossed and his back against the fridge, watching Y/N struggle with flour and raw eggs to follow this birthday cake recipe she’d found online. She was practicing to make a real one for the party this weekend. Her last three trials had all failed miserably but she was never the kind of person who gave up so easily.

“If you think this is a bad idea then why are you helping me?” She grumbled. Her tongue stuck out from the corner of her mouth as she turned on the egg-beater to mix the ingredients in the big bowl, careful not to spill the mixture all over the counter like last time. Niall couldn’t help but snort at how funny she looked.

“I want to see his reaction,” he said.

“But you’re his best friend. You should be the one to throw him a birthday party, not me!”

“Yeah, I’m his best friend and that’s how I know he won’t like this. I’m only helping you because there’s free cake, and very likely, a pissed-off Harry.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. She believed no one could hate his own birthday this much. Birthdays were supposed to be the most important events of one’s life. She was always so excited about hers, just thinking of all the gifts and special treatments from her loved ones made her the happiest already. Maybe Harry had never properly experienced something like that, to realize how fun birthdays could be. Thus she determined to throw the best party ever for him, of course, with a little help from Niall.

Meanwhile, Harry was sitting in a coffee shop on campus, having no idea that his flatmate and best friend were secretly planning a surprise party for him. He had to study on a Sunday because there was an exam coming up, and he couldn’t concentrate with Y/N breathing down his neck. She would either tell him stories he found no interest in, or nag him about doing chores and complain when he forgot. Harry didn’t hate his flatmate, she could be fun occasionally. Sometimes when he’d had a bad day, listening to her dumb facts about whales during dinner actually boosted his mood. But that was just sometimes, most of the times, he found her annoying.

“Here’s your drink.”

The soft voice got Harry’s attention, and his green eyes shifted up to see a pretty waitress. He’d come to this place many times before, but he had never seen her. He doubted he‘d forgotten such an attractive human being.

“Are you new?” He spoke as the girl put his black coffee down right by his laptop.

“Yeah, this is my first day here.“ She gave him a flirty grin while he was sizing her up. She must love the attention, he assumed. Without waiting for her to go on, he introduced himself and asked for her name.

“Alyssa.”

“Alyssa,” he repeated, smiling as her fingers ‘accidentally’ brushed against his arm. She didn’t need to tell him how much she wanted him to take her on this table. Her body language already gave herself away. As he watched her leave, there was only one thing on his mind: he needed to have her, one way or another.

Harry came back in the afternoon, looking very happy, which was unusual to Y/N. The first thing he would always say when he entered their flat was either “I’m tired” or “is there anything to eat?” So when he was this elated, there must be something wrong with him, or with the world. And so she had to ask. His reaction, however, wasn't something she could've seen coming.

“Why do you suddenly care about me?” He grumbled instead of giving her a proper answer. His eyes were glued to the phone, not sparing her a single glimpse.

“Just curious, that’s all,” she replied, indifferent on the outside, disappointed on the inside. She wished he knew she’d spent most of her Sunday in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to make him a cake. The least he could do was try not to be so rude. Oh well, he would find out eventually, until then, she would just have to tolerate.

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“Who’s Y/N?”

Harry flinched when Alyssa mentioned the name, that was when he saw the text on his phone that said: We‘re out of eggs.

“I just bought some yesterday, did she really finish them all?” He muttered under his breath. For a second, he forgot that Alyssa had to ditch her shift to sit here with him. He should be talking to her, instead of writing a whole paragraph to tell Y/N that she should only consume three eggs a week. Even he couldn’t explain why he must worry. When it came to Y/N, he just did.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Alyssa asked as she noticed the change in his expression. It was then that Harry put the device down, shaking his head. “No, she’s my flatmate.”

“So you’re living with just her?”

“Yeah.”

Although the girl said nothing else, Harry could guess what was on her mind. “There’s nothing going on between us,” he quickly added. If Alyssa thought he had feelings for Y/N, she wouldn’t want to see him anymore, and he couldn’t let that happen.

But her next comment was what he would never expect. “It’s funny.” She laughed. “A guy, and a girl, living together. You‘ve never looked at her and wondered if it could be something more?”

Harry snorted as he shook his head no. Him and Y/N? Pssst. Only when pigs fly.

“I’d love to meet her,” Alyssa said, causing Harry’s eyes to grow wide. None of his past hookups had ever asked to meet his flatmate, so he wasn’t sure how to respond. But on second thought, Alyssa wasn‘t another hookup. They hadn’t had sex, and he was genuinely interested in her. He hated to admit, but he was expecting something more than just casual sex. Of course, he thought she was attractive and definitely still wanted to her naked in his bed. But she felt different from the others, and he’d like to see how far this would go.

“You can come to my flat sometimes, and I’ll introduce you two to each other,” he said after thinking twice, watching the smile grow on Alyssa’s face.

“How about this Friday night?” She asked, and he agreed.

“Friday night it is.”

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One week had passed in a blink of an eye, and Harry’s birthday finally arrived. 

Y/N placed the last candle on the cake she’d spent hours in the kitchen on making. She secretly prided herself on how it didn’t look like a pile of vomit, nor taste like one. Now she couldn’t wait to hear Harry’s comment on it.

She knew he would go to that coffee shop to study like he’d been doing this entire week. So as soon as he left their flat in the morning, she got the ingredients ready, and phoned Niall to make sure there wouldn’t be just the three of them at the party. When she finished preparing the food, she had to run out to buy the decorations. Of course, she didn’t get any help from his friends, so she had to decorate the flat all on her own. Her hard work did pay off though. Everything was now ready for Harry to come home.

She asked him when he would be back and he said at around 7 PM. Now it was 6:45, the guests were all here and Y/N was extremely nervous. She felt like she was going to war when it was just a party. She had thrown surprise birthday parties so many times before. What made his so different from the others? She would love to figure that out, but at a different time. Now she must make sure everything went as planned.

“Martin just texted me saying Harry is in the parking lot. He’ll be here any minute. Remember not to make a sound, everyone! When he opens the door, we’ll turn the lights on and shout happy birthday, okay?”

“Why are we here again?” A guy whispered to Niall, and Niall shushed him immediately. As soon as Y/N turned off all the lights, everyone got into their position and put on their party hats. Y/N stood right by the door with both hands on her heaving chest. She couldn’t wait to see the look on Harry’s face when he saw everything she’d set up for him.

The lift finally arrived and Harry stepped out, followed by Alyssa. He checked his phone but there was no message from his flatmate. He’d texted her about Alyssa coming over, and it wasn‘t like her to not reply in less than three seconds. Still, he didn’t think much of it and assumed she was just busy making dinner or taking a shower.

“So before I meet Y/N, tell me a bit about her,” Alyssa spoke up when Harry pulled out the keys.

“Well, I don’t know," he murmured. Nobody had ever asked him this question before, so he had never thought of how he would answer it. “She’s quite…annoying, I guess. She always speaks too much. Sometimes I only pretend to listen because I don’t want to be rude. And she’s very uptight, not someone I’d hang out with, you know what I mean?” He shrugged and turned the key. “I’m only living with her because she pays half the rent. If it weren’t for the money, I-“

That sentence was forever unfinished because the first thing Harry saw when he opened the door was the hurtful look on his flatmate’s face. The lights came on. Niall and many of his friends were standing in the living room with balloons in their hands. And there was a whole freaking cake on the table. This was a nightmare come true, but nothing could be worse than the look Y/N was giving him.

“Well, this is awkward...” Niall spoke but nobody paid attention to him. All the guests were waiting for Y/N’s reaction to what Harry had just said about her.

“Y/N, I-“ He stuttered, but she didn’t want to wait for his insincere apology. She pulled off her hat, tossed it in a corner, and stormed off without a word to him. It took him two seconds to realize what had happened and hurriedly follow her

“Okay, the party’s over! Get out everyone, get out!” Niall clapped loudly to get people’s attention. Then he forced everyone out of the flat, holding the door open for them. “Trix, stay away from those cupcakes! Okay, fine, you can have one! Just one! Hurry! Jake, why are you still standing there? Move it! And you too, the pretty lady I���ve never seen before!”

Alyssa was probably the most confused when Niall kicked her out with the rest of the guests. But since Harry was nowhere to be found, she had no choice but to leave with the others. Niall was the last to go, after that, the flat became too quiet. Not even the fun and colorful decorations could tone down the gloomy atmosphere within the place.

Harry hesitated at the kitchen door as Y/N stood with her back facing him. She was cleaning the mess she’d left on the counter after making the cake. At first, he was just surprised, but soon guilt began to sink in. He didn’t expect someone to even remember his birthday let alone spend time on doing all of this for him. What had he done for her in return? He’d talked shit about her to another person and embarrassed her in front of his friends. Now she didn’t even want to look at him. It didn’t just stop there though. It got much worse.

“Are-Are you crying?” Harry was terrified to see her shoulders tremble. “Y/N, I’m really sorry about what I said, I-I didn’t mean it.”

His flatmate finally turned around. And yes, she was crying. This was the first time he had seen a girl other than his sister or his mum cry, and no word was awful enough to describe this situation. He wanted to comfort her, to make her stop, yet he didn’t know what to do but stand there, feeling like a piece of shit.

“I’ll move out...so you can find a better flatmate if...that’s what you want,” Y/N sobbed into her palms. Her words made his chest tighten and freeze him to the spot.

“Of course that‘s not what I want. I said the stupidest things, but I meant none of-“

“I’m going to bed now,” she cut him off and ran back to her room without a single look at him. When she slammed the door, he was still standing in the kitchen. Blood had drained out of his face, and his heart was pounding so hard he forgot to breathe. What to do now? Should he knock on her door to beg for her forgiveness? Or should he wait outside for her to come out? Or should he do nothing and expect her to let this go? He didn‘t know the answer. All that he knew was that he’d fucked up.

Harry returned to the living room after what seemed like an eternity. In silence, he took a seat on the sofa, eyes on the birthday cake that Y/N had made for him. Sighing, he grabbed the lighter to light up one candle in the middle.

“Happy birthday, asshole,” he mumbled to himself, then blew it off.

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The next morning, Harry waited right outside Y/N’s bedroom door to greet her with a huge smile while wearing a birthday hat. He didn‘t expect much, but she gave him nothing at all, not even a twitch of her lips to show that she was amused. She stayed silent and pushed him aside to head to the kitchen. For the first time, he followed her like a lost puppy. 

Y/N stopped as she reached the door, startled to see the cake she’d made lying on the table. Harry, now standing next to her, spoke up fast, “I think it’s not too late to celebrate my birthday.”

She inhaled deeply, not looking at him. “I made that cake for you. Eat it alone.”

“I can’t. It’s a huge cake!”

“I’m not eating with you. That’s that.”

As she attempted to walk, Harry immediately blocked her path, spreading his arms and legs so she had no choice but to face him. Y/N didn‘t give in, and neither did he. She moved to her right, and he shifted to his left. They shuffled back and forth a couple of times until she lost it and finally yelled at him. “Oh my God! How old are you? Six?! Get out of my way!”

“Please forgive me!” He clutched her shoulders before she could turn away. “You know I didn’t mean what I said...”

“I don’t care if you meant it, you still embarrassed me in front of your friends.” Y/N pushed him off, crossing her arms as she furrowed her eyebrows at him. Harry hoped she wouldn’t burst into tears again, otherwise, he’d have to dig himself a hole.

“You have no idea what I went through to throw you that party, Harry,” she spoke at last. Her voice was small yet stern. “I spent the past week learning how to make a birthday cake, decorated the house on my own, I had to spend a lot of time with Niall.”

“I told you I never celebrated my birthday. You didn’t have to throw me a party...”

“I know.” She nodded. “But I wanted to, and I started planning one month ago. I just thought...if I could make you feel special on your birthday, then maybe you wouldn’t hate it so much.”

As a response to Y/N’s confession, a tiny oblivious smile spread across Harry’s face. In that instant, he forgot that he looked silly in this birthday hat, that he was supposed to hate everything she had set up for him, including that birthday cake on the table. None of that mattered now that he had heard those words from her lips.

“Why are you smiling? I haven’t forgiven you yet.” Y/N’s voice brought Harry back to reality. “I’m still extremely pissed at you!”

“How many times do I have to apologize?”

“Your apology won’t make me feel better.”

“Then what will?”

“This.”

Right before he could question, she smashed a fistful of cake directly in his face and cracked up when he wiped away the frosting on his eyelids. But the sound of her laugh made everything better. He licked the cream on his lips and exhaled a chuckle. “Okay, I deserve this…am I forgiven?”

“Not yet!” Y/N cackled as she grabbed her phone and snapped a quick shot of him wearing a birthday hat and covered in cake. Despite the discomfort, Harry still posed for the picture with his iconic peace sign that she always made fun of.

“Now you’re forgiven.” She checked the photo, grinning like a Cheshire Cat and told him this would go on her Instagram. To be honest, she could send that photo to her whole contact list and he couldn’t care less. The cheerful Y/N he knew had returned, and Harry hoped this time she wouldn’t leave away ever again.

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“I think there’s still a bit in my hair.”

“You can wash it off later.” Y/N giggled and wiped his chin one last time before tossing the paper towel into the bin at her feet. “Done. You’re good to go.”

“Thank you.”

His response made her snort. “Why? I was the one who caked you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Harry swallowed, scratching the back of his head. “Thank you for throwing me a surprise party. That was very nice of you.”

Those words sounded so simple, but as soon as he’d said them, his entire face turned scarlet. He looked away so she wouldn’t notice. Little did he know, she was also blushing. This was the nicest they’d ever been to each other, so in no doubt, a ‘thank you’ was a big deal to them.

“Why did you say the things you said about me last night?” She asked after a moment of awkward silence and avoiding eye contact. Harry heaved a sigh, now he had to tell her the truth or else she’d continue to think he hated her.

“Remember the girl I brought home last night?” Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I’ve known her for a couple of days now. The other day she found out I was sharing a flat with you, and she suspected there was something going on between us. She didn’t seem to believe me when I explained, so I had to convince her that I hated you. If I’d known you were behind the door, I wouldn’t have said it...I was such a dick...”

Y/N couldn’t decide which shocked her more, her flatmate admitting that he was a dick, or him possibly having feelings for a girl.

“Do you like this girl, Harry?”

“I don’t know...Maybe.”

“It’s okay if you do. That’s just human nature.”

Harry quickly rose from his chair and told her he was done with this conversation. When he turned away, however, she stopped him immediately.

“There’s one more thing. Stay put and I’ll be right back!” She said with excitement and ran out of the kitchen, leaving him dumbfounded. Only twenty seconds later, she returned, this time, holding a new pair of socks, and not just any pair of socks, they were Batman socks!

“Happy birthday! These are for you!”

Harry scoffed when he saw them, almost bursting out laughing but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Batman?” He grinned at her, making the poor girl flustered as her eyebrows knitted together. “You don’t like them? Niall told me you’re obsessed with Batman.”

“Do I look like I’m obsessed with Batman? How many times do I have to tell you not to trust Niall?” He said with a chuckle, his heart fluttered when he saw her pouting face. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint her again, so he threw on a smile, tapping her nose lightly. “Thank you anyway. Definitely not gonna wear these, but at least you got me something.”

“This is the last time I acknowledge your birthday, asshole.” She scoffed and playfully hit him on the arm.

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A couple of days later, Y/N walked past a coffee shop and found Harry sitting with another girl. She‘d only seen the girl once before, so she didn‘t remember her face. But even from the distance, she could tell that they were having fun. Were they on a date? The Harry she knew never went on dates. Y/N wasn‘t the kind to stick her nose in other people’s business, but she couldn‘t help it this time. She ended up standing outside looking in for longer than intended. Harry was too busy paying attention to the pretty blonde to notice her. It took Y/N a moment, but eventually she figured it out. That was the one he‘d brought back on his birthday.

They were laughing at something on his phone, and he looked so...happy. The same happy he’d been every time he came back from the coffee shop. And now Y/N knew why. She kept on staring at the two, trying to remember if he’d ever laughed that much when he was with her. No, he had never. And now she began to feel differently. Something inside her didn’t seem right. Her fingers gathered into fists and the lumps in her throats made it impossible to breathe. She didn’t know why, but she didn't like this at all.

Taking a deep breath, she quickly walked away, trying not to overthink, but her mind didn’t want to let her off so easily. Now she couldn’t stop comparing herself to that girl who was a thousand times prettier than she was. No wonder Harry liked that girl…

When Y/N got back to their flat, she couldn‘t rest as her insides were on fire. She was biting her nails and pacing back and forth in her room, trying to make sense of her own emotions, but she could not. She thought about what to say to him, or how she would act when he came back. But he didn’t come back that night. He spent the night with the pretty girl. And for the first time since she moved into this flat, Y/N could barely sleep.

When he returned in the morning, she was in the kitchen making breakfast. It was weird to face him after all the changes she'd gone through in just half a day. She told herself act normal, but while trying too hard, her effort backfired. She ended up rambling on about meaningless things, which probably confused him even more than how excited she'd been to see him walk in. 

“Are you high on coffee, Y/N?” He asked, making her blush.

“What are you talking about? I’m perfectly normal!”

Harry didn‘t believe it, yet he only flashed her a smile and changed the subject. “I’m having someone over tonight.”

“Who?” Y/N asked right away, eyes widening. “Is it the girl you told me about?” Please don’t be that girl. Please don’t be that girl.

“No, I won’t see her again.”

“Why? I thought you liked her.”

“I don’t know.” He gave her a shrug. “I thought I did, but after we slept together, I was instantly over it. I blame it on the coffee in that shop, it probably gave me hallucination. I’m never going there again.”

Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle. “It’s not the coffee, idiot. Maybe deep down you were so desperate to know what it’s like to like someone for real, your brain created hallucination on its own.”

Harry squinted his eyes at her, thinking for a second before shaking his head. “Definitely the coffee.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she actually felt relieved, and that was something else for her to worry about.

“Hey, need a ride to campus?” Harry’s question pulled her back to reality. She blinked at him, raising an eyebrow when she realized what he’d just asked.

“Why?”

“I’m taking you.”

“Just today or-“

“From now on,” he said with a straight face. “But when I’m skipping class, you still have to take the bus.”

“That means I’m still taking the bus almost every day then.”

“Hey, at least be grateful,” he said but couldn't hold back another smile. Y/N watched her flatmate walk out of the kitchen, and only then did she notice, the face of Batman on his socked feet.

[raywritesthings]

Dear Friend, 7/?

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen, John Diggle, Felicity Smoak Pairing: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: When Felicity decides to get serious about Ray, she knows it won’t be a good idea for Oliver to be hanging around. So she turns to the world of online dating to keep him distracted. Unknown to the both of them, over the summer Joanna had set Laurel up with an online dating account in the hopes that her friend could move on from past failed relationships. There’s only one way this can end. *Can also be read on my AO3*

She was elbow deep in a file with a couple of clerks when her phone started ringing late one morning. Knowing she’d lose whatever detail she was trying to find if she broke off now, Laurel nodded to her cell on the desk and met one of the clerk’s eyes.

“Can you get that?”

Abby nodded and picked it up. “ADA Lance’s phone, can I take a message.” There was a pause, then Abby covered the phone with one hand. “Um, there’s a man asking if you can meet him for lunch.”

Laurel looked up. “What?” She stepped around the desk and took the phone, glancing at the caller ID.

Oh.

“Seriously, Ollie?”

“You did say any time between 11:30 and 2:00.” The slight teasing tone left his voice as he asked, “Does today not work for you?”

She had half a mind to give him an irritated yes, but she paused. This was the first time Oliver had even tried to take her up on her offer. Had something happened?

“No, I can make it.” She looked over her shoulder at the clerks and the pile of work on her desk. “Just, maybe give me thirty minutes.”

“I’ll be there in an hour,” Oliver promised, and he hung up before she could reply.

Laurel shook her head and returned to her work, not even leaving room for her assistants to ask any questions.

True to his word, Oliver was rapping on her door frame just after noon. She grabbed her purse and walked with him out of City Hall.

“Your pick,” Oliver said. “You’d know better than me what’s good around here.”

So they really were just getting lunch. Laurel led them along to a sandwich and soup place, trying to gauge his mood. Oliver had been odd ever since his and John’s trip to Nanda Parbat, but nothing about this seeming good mood rang false.

She couldn’t resist asking as they sat down with their food, “So what brought this on?”

“Does something have to have brought this on?”

She gave him a look.

Oliver shook his head but was smiling just a little. “A lot’s been going on. With the League, the team. I guess I realized maybe I could use a little normal.”

“Okay.” She started to unwrap her sandwich, and he did the same.

“What were you working on when I called?”

“Building a case. You know, the usual.”

“Right. How’s your dad? I’ve been trying to stay out of his way.”

“Yeah.” She didn’t blame him. Even if she had told her father the Arrow wasn’t at fault, he was still likely to lash out if provoked. “He’s drinking again. Angry. Feels like old times.”

“I’m sorry.”

Laurel lifted her eyes from her plate. “There’s no point in saying it, Ollie. We’ve both made our positions on Malcolm clear.”

He nodded. “I wish there was some other way.”

“You do?” It was the first he’d said so.

“I miss seeing you happy.”

She had trouble finding her voice for a moment. “Well, I’m not — I’m better than I have been. Going out there with you guys helps.”

Oliver nodded.

“What about you?” Laurel risked glancing up at him while keeping her face tilted down. “Are you happy?”

“Trying to be.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“A lot. Me, mostly.” Oliver sighed. “Maybe it is possible to have a life along with the work that we do, but so far I have not been able to find that balance the way the rest of you have.”

“Well, hold the applause, because I’m not sure I’m the best example of someone who has it all,” she remarked. “What do you feel like is missing from your life? A job, a social sphere?”

“A little bit. Connection. A relationship, I guess,” was his final answer, causing her heart to sink despite herself. “The trouble is those never work out for me. And at this point, I’m not sure it’s what I deserve.”

Laurel sighed. Ever since he had first come home to Starling, it seemed Oliver was in constant conflict with himself over what he could or couldn’t have. That back-and-forth had burned her more than once. The least she could do was help spare the next woman. “As much as things have gone wrong at times, as mad as you can make me — you always have the best intentions. I don’t think that anyone who is genuinely trying to do good for others deserves anything less than happiness. Even if it’s not today.”

He looked at her, lips forming the slightest potential of a smile. “You really believe that?”

“I have to. You’re not the only person who’s made mistakes, you know.”

He shook his head. “I think if we get into comparisons, it’s gonna become obvious pretty fast which of us deserves that happiness.”

“Good thing it’s not a zero sum game, then,” she replied. Then she took up her food again, keeping her eyes on it as she spoke. “So stop stopping yourself, would be my advice. If you want to start a relationship, then you should go for it.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “The worst thing is to have to wonder what might have been. Trust me.” Laurel hoped her smile met muster, but it was an effort to keep up.

“Okay. Thanks, I needed to hear that.” Oliver settled back in his seat as he also returned to his food.

They talked about this and that for the rest of the meal, never straying into anything that serious. He even walked her back to her office. It was the nicest lunch she’d had in a while.

Oliver could be really sweet when he wanted to; he’d make someone else very happy.

If there was any consolation, it was that all this talk seemed to be purely in the theoretical. After all, Oliver wasn’t currently spending time around many single woman. She’d have some time to prepare herself for that inevitably.

—-

John was certain in his decision to marry Lyla. That didn’t mean he liked all the decisions that came with a marriage, or rather a wedding.

Things had been much simpler in Afghanistan. No questions of table centerpieces or who sat where, what their colors were going to be. He’d jokingly suggested camo and gotten a roll of the eyes out of Lyla for that. About the only worthwhile part of the planning was when they had decided what part little Sara was going to play in all of it. A part of him was glad she was here ahead of the wedding; it was their love for her and each other that had him going through with this.

But he was going to tear out the little hair he had if they didn’t get this guest list situation sorted out soon.

Felicity had flipped back and forth on whether she wanted to bring Palmer, knowing John didn’t completely approve of the situation. Then Thea had dropped her plus one. A couple of the guests on Lyla’s side had had to cancel last minute due to unexpected assignments. But he thought they had the whole thing settled now.

It was the last possible person he could have ever expected to throw a final monkey wrench into the whole thing.

That afternoon he made it down to the base ahead of everyone else. Everyone else, that was, except Oliver. His friend was going through his usual workout, but rather than at least finish the set he was on, Oliver stopped as soon as he noticed John enter the room.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Something up?”

Oliver nodded rather than answer. He took a long pull of the water bottle he’d set aside, and John couldn’t help noticing the fingers of his free hand twitching at his side. Nervous energy.

Oliver wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and said, “John, I need a favor. And it’s about the wedding.”

John shook his head. “Look man, there’s nothing you need to worry about. You’re good with speeches, and there just isn’t a better choice. You’re my brother.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that, really.” Some of Oliver’s tension had dissipated, but not entirely. “I was wondering if it’s too late to ask for a plus one.”

John stared. “You’re bringing a date?”

“Hopefully.” Oliver licked his lips. “I still have to ask her.”

“But you haven’t been dating anyone.” When would he have even had time?

“It’s sort of a long story.”

John crossed his arms. “Alright, when did you meet this girl?”

“This past fall.”

“But Felicity—”

“It wasn’t until after we tried — she should be okay with it. She’s got Ray.”

He had to raise an eyebrow at that. It was Ray now?

“And this woman knows you were in love with Felicity.”

“She knows I was trying to get over someone. But it was one failed date, John,” Oliver reminded him.

“And how many dates have you been on with this new woman?”

His friend looked like he only just held back from rolling his eyes. “Look, I know it’s sudden. And you have every right to say no. This is your wedding, and I don’t want to bring someone into it that’s going to complicate things for you or Lyla,” said Oliver. “But I have given a lot of thought to this, about whether this is a step I want to take with her, and I think I do. I think I want to introduce her to the other people in my life.”

He didn’t know what to think. Yes, Oliver had been rather quiet on the whole Felicity front for a while, but he’d thought that had been his friend’s typical coping mechanism of repression. How could he have missed this?

“You’re really moving on?”

“Yeah.” Oliver didn’t sound sad or wistful. In fact, there was the smallest smile on his face. “Yeah, I think I am.”

John sighed. “Alright. Yeah, we got room for one more.”

Oliver’s smile made it actually seem worth it. “Thank you, John.”

“Anything I should know about her?”

“Well, she’s funny, but sort of with an edge to it? Tough, but really just kind underneath it all. She is a really good listener. I mean, I know I only started talking to her about four months ago, but it feels like we’ve been friends for years.” His voice had grown softer and his smile, though still present, shy. He really liked this girl.

John pushed the misgivings he might have had to the side and reached out to squeeze his friend’s shoulder. “I’m happy for you, man.”

Could he really begrudge him for trying to move on when Felicity was doing likewise? Though that did make him wonder just what Felicity would have to say about all this.

Oliver left to grab a bite to eat — was he meeting this new woman? — and within half an hour Felicity arrived at the base.

It would only be fair to warn her, right? He didn’t really want some blow up at his wedding.

So he approached her station at the computers. “Did you know Oliver was dating?”

“What?” Felicity looked totally shocked for a moment, until suddenly her confused expression cleared up. “Oh! Yeah, I set him up with an online account. Didn’t really think he’d tell you about that.”

John frowned. “He didn’t.”

Felicity frowned in an almost perfect echo. “What do you mean?”

“I mean he didn’t mention the online bit. Just asked me for a plus one to the wedding.”

“Woah, something actually happened?”

“Guess so.” Now the misgivings were back in full force. Oliver thought he was serious about some online chick? Did he even know if she was real?

“Well, who is she? What’s she like?”

He thought of what Oliver had said and shook his head. Anybody could pretend to be witty and charming online. “I have no idea. He didn’t even tell me her name.”

“He must be really serious about her if he’s meeting her in-person and everything,” Felicity said, her eyes downcast.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.”

She blinked and looked up at him again. “Why would you be sorry? This is exactly what I wanted.”

“But you — I mean, why set him up with someone else?”

“Because I have watched other women try to get over Oliver Queen. And that is impossible to do when he is single. Helena went crazy, McKenna has never come back to the city. I mean, Laurel hasn’t dated for almost two years because of how things turned out with him and Tommy! I do not need that kind of emotional scarring.” She took a breath, and her tone grew more subdued. “And I guess I made the right call, if he really could get over me by talking to some online woman.”

“I’ll tell him not to invite her,” John decided.

“Well, you already gave him the plus one,” Felicity reminded him. “And if you take it back now he’s going to think I had some problem with it, which I don’t. I’m happy with where things are between me and Ray. The last thing I need is an Oliver swinging in at the eleventh hour.”

“If you’re sure.” A thought occurred to him. “You don’t think you could use his phone, trace this girl’s signal back to the source?”

Felicity was already shaking her head. “Oh no, I am not getting involved.”

“But it could be anybody on the other end. He could be setting himself up to get real hurt.”

“Well, that’s a risk he’s going to have to take if he wants to meet her. But I don’t even want to know how angry he’d get if he found out I hacked his phone. You couldn’t even pay me. Not that any of you ever have,” she added in an undertone as she swiveled her chair so her back faced him. A pretty good indicator that the conversation was over.

John sighed and backed off. He could only hope they weren’t all making a huge mistake, and that Oliver was right that he really did know this girl.

[captainwhogotthecanary]

Not Broken or Alone

Welcome to my Pride Month fics! I haven’t gotten many prompts (please send them if you’re interested! Some info here), but I’ve got some fics and pairings I’ve been wanting to work with for a while now, so there will be somewhere between 5 and 30 fics of varying length, depending how everything goes. Not everything I’m posting this month will be for Pride, since I did already have some stuff written and ready to post.

For this first one, @ice-magician prompted, “someone struggling with the reality that they’re Ace (and feeling like they’re broken). Friendship between Cap and Natasha(Ace)?”

Established romantic relationships or their lack left intentionally vague; imagine what you will, I ship almost everyone and brotp them just as hard. Civil War didn’t happen the way we saw it, the team is all still together, and there’s been no snap or anything that follows.

Read here or on AO3.

------------------------

Steve and Natasha have been holed up together plenty times. He usually works with Bucky, and she works with Clint more frequently than not. Steve and Natasha probably work together next most often, though. They trust each other, as much as anyone in their situations can, and Nat kicks so much ass.

Also, if Steve’s being honest, she’s sometimes a lot more comfortable to work with than even Bucky. Bucky is his partner; Natasha is his friend.

Steve likes to think Natasha’s usually pretty relaxed around him, too, when it’s just the two of them. Tonight, though, in this dingy hotel room with its twin beds that’ve seen better days, she isn’t relaxed at all. She’s pacing, and the fact that she’s agitated enough to let it show when it isn’t for some sort of advantage says quite a lot, despite her silence.

Steve lets it go for a few minutes. Finally, making sure none of his concern reaches his voice, he tries, “Everything okay, Nat?”

“Fine,” she mutters. She paces the length of the room a couple more times, Steve tracking her movement from where he sits on his bed, until she comes to a sudden stop and spins to face him. “What’s wrong with me?”

Steve blinks. “What?”

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks again.

His eyes sweep over her body, reflexively checking his teammate for signs of illness or injury. “I don’t… Are you hurt?”

She scowls like only Natasha can, the slightest tightening of her features that immediately conveys a desire to remove body parts from where they normally belong. “I’m fine.” She resumes pacing, and Steve stands, hands out in the universal “I’m not a threat” gesture.

“I’m happy to help,” he says, “or listen, or back off, whatever you need, but you’ve gotta give me a little more than that to work with, here.”

There’s little enough spare room that he has to cross his arms to keep her from having to dodge his hands on her next trip past him, but when she gets back to her bed, she sits. It’s still graceful—it’s Natasha, after all, and he’s not convinced there’s anything she does without grace—but the movement is a lot more rough and defeated than he’s used to seeing from her. He sits on his bed so he’s facing her, though with her elbows on her knees and her head hanging, he can’t actually see her face.

“Talk to me, Nat,” he prompts gently.

Then he waits.

Her words, when they come, are calm and quiet. “I’m not attracted to anyone. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Alright,” Steve says carefully. “And that makes you feel like something’s wrong with you?”

Natasha lifts her head enough to glare at him. “I can’t feel attraction like normal people. I want to, and I can pretend to, but I can’t do it. How is that not something being wrong with me?”

Steve sorts through possible responses. He’s always been against bullies, always, so naturally he put some effort into learning about bullied populations, after he got out of the ice, and he knows how important this conversation might be, how big it is that she’s even willing to have it with him. He'd done research online and even gone to a local LGBT community center to make sure he had the tools to stand up against the bullied in this particular fight.

“It’s normal to be upset,” he says, “if you want something you can’t have. That’s totally justified. But not feeling sexual attraction, if that’s what we’re talking about here, that’s normal, too. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you.”

“I’m broken, Steve.” Natasha’s trembling with the force of her emotion, and if Steve thought it would help at all, he’d have his arms around her in a second. “The Red Room broke me.”

“Maybe it did,” he allows. “They did some pretty messed up stuff. But maybe your sexuality isn’t something that’s broken. Maybe you would’ve felt like this no matter what. Nothing is wrong with you, Natasha.” He hesitates, then moves to sit next to her, not quite touching, but close. “You’re amazing, Nat, and one of the strongest people I know. Anyone who would think any less of you based on who you are or aren’t attracted to doesn’t deserve to be in your life.”

Natasha is looking down at the floor again. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

“I know.” It seems like the right thing to say. He considers what he's read and what he's heard. “Have you looked into asexuality?”

“For people? Not really.” She sniffs, clearly gathering herself. “Is that what you think I am?”

“Maybe.” Steve watches her for a reaction, but she’s thinking too hard to give one. “Look into it, once we’re not stuck here without internet. Only you can decide whether that’s the label that fits you and whether you want to claim it, but it sounds like it’s probably right. At the very least, it’s similar enough that maybe you won’t feel so much like you’re the only one who doesn’t get attraction.”

He leans over just far enough to bump her shoulder with his. “In the meantime, I know it can be hard, but try to be nice to yourself. It’s not something you can help, and it’s not something you need to fix. Would you treat someone else like they’re broken because of something like that?”

Steve waits for the slow shake of her head before he speaks again. “So try and cut yourself some slack. You’re not broken. Tell yourself that until you believe it, and I can tell you as often as you want me to, if it helps.”

She nods, and he can tell she’s still deep in thought. She doesn’t look distressed anymore so much as distracted.

“I’m gonna go see if the shower’s functional and give you a few minutes,” Steve says. “We can talk more after, if you want, or we can let it drop. I’ll follow your lead.” He stands.

Her hand snaps out and grabs the cuff of his sleeve, the movement too fast for him to follow. “Steve,” she says, looking up at him, her eyes full of emotion he can’t interpret. He thinks there’s less self-loathing now, at least. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Steve waits until she lets go before he heads to the bathroom, looking back once to make sure she seems alright.

Natasha’s hands are curled into fists in her lap, and her shoulders are hunched and tense, but the corners of her mouth are pulling up into the tiniest of smiles. She’s not okay yet, maybe, but she’ll get there.

And Steve will do anything he can to help.

------------------------------

This prompt hits pretty close to home for me, because I grew up feeling broken when it comes to my (lack of) objective attraction to guys, and I IDed as Demi/gray-A for a while, and still do when it comes to guys. This is neither apology nor brag; simply keep in mind that this is the lens through which I interpret character emotion and motivation. This doesn’t mean Nat’s experience matches mine, and it doesn’t mean it’ll match yours. It’s just one exploration of an Ace character.

Thank you to the lovely folks who read over this for me. I love you!

[ibraddersday-blog]

20 years so far.

Hi, my name is Bradley Day. Never received a middle name, guess my parents were too lazy. It is currently 12:53pm as I write this on Friday 16th August of 2019, and to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about to explain what I have experienced over the past 20 years frankly because, I know 2 people my age who are like me, the rest are so uptight about who they think they are on their online personas and social media reputations. so I want to find more like me.

in this post im giving you real, the embarrassing, humiliating, funny but stupid truth about my life. seems like thats the only thing that you can't really find anymore... honesty. 

I was born in basildon hospital in Essex on the 10th of November 1998, my mother is Heidi Day, my father being James Day (actual name is Jimmy but we stick to James) I have a older sister called Rebecca Day. apparently I was born with a skin condition were I didn't get enough vitamins which means I was born yellow, a little English asian baby as you will. had to be sat next to a window to get natural vitamins from the sun. but that was all cleared up as a baby and I dont remember it so not important. 

as far as I remember we were a happy family, I was a little shit for my parents but hey I didn't ask to be born. I've never said this but im very thankful for my parents, as a family we went through a few hardships and money never came easy, and no matter what my mum and dad always went out to work and make an honest living to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, people say thats a luxury and may berate us saying thats not hard, but the hard truth is, if you had to worry about where your next meal came from as a kid, your parents didn't work hard enough, and ill be dammed if I let my kids starve a day just because I go lazy for a day.

but out of this happy hardworking family it all changed when I was 4-5, my mum and dad divorced, my dad left and it was me, mum and becky in one house, my dad always tried his best to make it work for him and us. we got by it was just a couple who fell out of love, it's always bummed me out but thats life, move on. 

Thats when I met Lindsey who is now a second mother to me, I made her life hell for a lot of years and so did my sister, Linds if you ever read this im sorry, im sorry for never being the kid you wanted because you couldn't have children and wanted to take on me and becky so you could feel loved as a mother, im sorry I tested your patience every chance I got, im sorry you felt you had to buy me a brand to xbox when the disk tray on mine broke (but thank you cose it was an awesome thing to do) but for most of all, im sorry for never having the guts to admit to you in person how much you really mean to me or impacted my life, you gave me chance after chance at your work and im sorry for letting you down. now for what im thankful for. thank you for kicking me up the ass to do my homework, thank you for putting plasters all over me when I've hurt myself doing something else stupid, thank you for coming with me to the hospital when I got run over just down the road and following matt down countless alleys, thank you for letting my friends come over whenever they wanted as a place to hang out and chill and chat, thank you for not telling mum that there was a grinder in my room when I went back to living at mums, but for most of all, thank you being full of advice, thank you for the honesty you poses wether it hurt or not you were always honest with me, I hope one day I can repay you for all the things you have done for me over the 15\16 years of knowing you, I love you very much. 

school... ugh, primary okay, secondary Jesus Christ what a shit show, now im not stupid but im not smart, education is not my path Im a natural worker and always have been, don’t do suits and smiles I do hi viz clothing and “oh fuck you slag’ spent the better part of it arguing with teachers and trying to be someone im not just to fit in. I had my fair share of bullying but you take it like a man and thats it but back then I thought my world had been crushed, ridiculous I know, kids if you’re being bullied now it may not seem it but it really dont fucking matter, its school thats how it is if you dont like learn from home. now I got pretty bad at one point and made a video and put it online, about how im being bullied and how pissed and upset it Made me and so on, well the school found out and I was forced to remove it, should of just told them too fuck off but it was just hassle that I couldn't be arsed with. year 11 soon flies around and boom left with nothing... great, now college level 1 sport how fucking normal right. well sussed level 1 dropped level 2. 

now work. for the next 2 years I dosed about and went through 8 jobs... yes thats right fucking eight until one came by and that is TGIS at lakeside retail park, now it was a shit job but it taught me a lot, it taught me team work, pace, the importance of showing up for shifts, how vital I am as a cog in that machine,   it taught me how punctuality means everything, I mean I got employee of the month in my first month working there for god sake I pushed hard and getting a reward like that it really hit home, as I never really got anything like that before, I got home and cried in bed as I was so happy for that for once in my life someones recognised me for me and how hard I work, it still gets to me writing this, it means a lot to someone like me. I've since left there for a better job and found one at a container shipping company driving cranes, and I gotta say I think this Is the place I’ll make a career out of, its great pay, get great hours and there are some great guys there who I've grown to become friends with. after countless let downs in my life I’m happy to say I've found somewhere I belong and love. the people I wanna say thank you for are Lex A and Jack R, I love you boys you really pulled me through at TGIS, even though we argued a lot I still value you two a lot. 

now for my life outside of work. I have a few friends being Michael, jack, James and josh. these are the people who are like me, hard working and are making a name for themselves with the help of no-one else. we have all faced great hardships in life and really push to get what we want. but with my friends that want is wanting to get a shitty old RWD and drift it into walls for a laugh, it is pretty funny to be honest. honestly I can say these boys are like family to me they mean more to me than they know and id be there for them in a second if they need me. jack is my longest friend though, we've been friends for 15 years, we met in year 1 in primary school and never stopped since, I would go Into details but its now 1:30am and im tired. 

relationships... I can't do them. dont get me wrong I love the idea of them and would love to be in one but I simply can't do it, I can't deal with other peoples shit as well as my own as I've always dealt with mine on my own not needing someone else, and girls are weird about that shit, all emotional and shit, grow up and move on life is tough if you dont like it theres many ways out, I dont do sorrow or sympathy. but marriage scares me, it freaks me out im not even kidding, the idea of being forced by law to be in a relationship with someone and if the love dies they can take all your shit fucking scares me! who wouldn't be frightened by that! maybe one day ill get over it and take a leap of faith with someone I love but why knows ay. 

and for now right this very second. im happy with who I am, I have nice car, a good job, im single but happily, its easier and less stressful, the key to happiness is a stress free life after all. yeah I may be bit tubby and not in great shape, but im happy with myself and who I see in the mirror, because I know im going to be okay, ill work through my problems that happen in my life, and in the end ill know ill always be okay. 

to whoever is reading this. just know life is easy, the key to happiness is being okay with who you are. yeah theres always improvements that could be made, but if you got a roof over your head, working water and food on the table, you’re doing pretty good in life. just picture life as an English country lane, for the most part its gonna be rocky and bumpy with loads of big potholes but theres always the parts where the road is smooth and freshly done, just gotta keep hanging on to those moments before your turning is up on to the straight and narrow bud, keep pushing and working hard boys and girls, like I was always told “stop being a pussy and get what you want” 

probably be my only ever post here so yeah, maybe someone will read it, who knows!

[captainjellyart]

id like to know the 'full story' if its not a problem....! if u dont wanna post it here or whatever dont worry tho cause it's understandable!! i hope u feel better super soon, no matter what happened...!

wahh i tried re-uploading the livestream onto dailymotion but it exceeded the upload limit oops ;;

i’ll just try and write the explanation under the cut. its gonna be long af, but i dont wanna leave out any details because i dont want people to take this story the wrong way. (sorry mobile users lol)

TW: animal death.

about a month ago, me and my roommate went and got two baby bearded dragons from a pet store. i was planning on adopting/rescuing an adult one, but we were looking on all the adoption sites, and we calculated that just straight up getting one was cheaper at the time. the particular pet store we went to has a reputation of not taking care of their animals, but it was sort of an impulse trip. (the trip to go get them was impulse, but i have lots of experience with bearded dragons and have been planning on getting one of my own for a while now.)

my roommate got the male, “Spam”, and i got the female, “Vienna”.

we kept them in the same tank for a couple weeks, but we kept an eye on them in case they started showing aggression towards each other. they never did, but we eventually separated them anyway. Spam wasnt eating as well as Vienna, so we fed him separately-- but then Vienna was the one who wasnt eating well, so we tried to feed her separately. Spam got better, but... Vienna didnt.

after a couple days of feeding her through one of my un-used t-shot syringes, one day i burst out crying because i thought she was dying. i called multiple vets, and only one was available asap.

we took her to the emergency vet, and the doctor didnt say we were doing anything wrong in particular. she just said she was in critical condition, and she had less than 50% chance in surviving. she gave us the option of putting her down right then and there, or try to nurse her back to health (which could take weeks). me and katie desperately wanted to help her, so we decided to take her back home with the medical supplies provided by the vet.

this was around the time when i opened up the emergency commissions, because the vet bill was super high. i borrowed money from my brother, and he needed to be paid back asap. for the next couple days, we fed her the prescribed medicine every hour on the hour. we did daily treatments and gave her a ton of TLC.

but,,, when we thought she was finally getting better,,, one day, she slowly passed away in my hands.

i havent felt so much of a failure in a long ass time. i beat myself up for being so stupid as to buy a sickly animal from a pet store which i knew had a bad reputation for carelessly breeding their animals, and i hated the fact that i supported such a corporation. but after a day of sobbing, i came to a conclusion.

the more time i spend mourning over her, the less time i spend saving another family member.

the next day, we held a little funeral with my roommates in our yard. i decorated the box i put her in, and we all had a ceremony in her honor. as soon as we buried her; we all went immediately to get another one.

i didnt talk about any of this publically for a while, and i wasnt planning on doing so, because i know this story story so far can rub some people the wrong way. we absolutely loved and adored Vienna, and we did everything we could to keep her healthy and alive. i mourned and had closure on her behalf, and im still mourning. remember that everyone mourns differently, and i dont want anyone to think i didnt care about her or think im simply replacing her.

now with that out of the way: again-- i wanted to adopt/rescue, and i didnt mind getting an adult. but at this point, we already had a setup for a baby beardie and it was going to be a while before we were able to upgrade. but all the adoption sites didnt have any beardies that were under 1 years old, so i did my research and went to a place where they took wonderful care of their animals.

i asked if there were any older beardies, but the only stock they had were these fresh babies that they just got the day before. i was skeptical on getting one, since i didnt wanna fuck up because baby beardies are super super fragile. but i couldnt leave without one, so we picked one we fell on love with and checked out.

again; i dont want anyone to think that im simply replacing Vienna. but since Vienna lived such a short life, and she came from such a terrible birthplace-- in honor of her struggle, we named this baby after her. thus; this new baby is dubbed “Vienna the II”. i know people are going to think its stupid, but i was already attached to the name and i wanted to try really hard to keep her name and memory alive.

so- in case anyone was wondering why “Vienna” is so much smaller now, and why we call her “the second”-- this is why. keep in mind that every animal we take into our lives; we are 1000% dedicated to keeping for the duration of their lives. they arent just pets, they are family to us. please respect the memory of Vienna the I.

oof, sorry for the sad sob story. if youre wondering why im so inactive online nowadays, its because im having some relapses in depression and im giving as much TLC to my animals as i can at the moment. ill be a little more active soon.

[lordsicheng]

JBJ Enemies to Lovers Series: Accidentally, Purposely (3/7)

Kwon Hyunbin x OC

Type: Bulletpoint scenario

looks quite long lol sorry

Running on your way to your first day of work you were quite worried

Because you have to start over as a creative director at a new company again

And you were scared your workmates wouldn’t like you nor your ideas

But you got the job so you felt like you should suck it up and show your best

Your old company was fine

Until two of your officemates left

And they were the best in the company too

Let’s just say, almost every client you had wasn’t feeling all the ideas you had

You were always a team with the two of your officemates

But they kind of betrayed the company

And you actually

So you just shrugged it off and resigned

And here you are, already at a new company after just less than two months

You got to the office where the CEO gave you through email

And you were confused on how the company was able to have such a huge building

Plus it has only been a year since this company was made

So you just tried your best to smile and go inside to get to the elevator

But you realized you didn’t have an ID yet

So you just figured you’d probably get one when you go up

You were walking your way into the elevator until

“Excuse me, ma’am? Where are you off to?”

A security guard officer approached you as you were about to step in the elevator

“It’s my first day of work, and I don’t have an ID yet”

“But ma’am, you get your ID once you get hired”

“I haven’t even been to this place before”

“You mean you weren’t interviewed before you were hired?”

“No?”

“Just let her in.”

Someone suddenly said from behind as he was to go to the elevator as well

He was really tall, you thought

He had quite of a cold aura in him

But damn, he looked like one of those runway models you’d see on fashion TV shows

“Oh, Mr. Kwon. Do you know her?”

“Not personally, but I know she was hired through online applications.”

He smiled at the security guard

And the security guard just nodded and looked at you

“My mistake, ma’am. Have a good day on your first day”

You released a sigh of relief as you got into the elevator with “Mr. Kwon”

You couldn’t hide your smile because of what happened

You saw that he pressed level 5

And you were gonna go to the same level

“Wow, same level. And you saved my life today. Thanks!”

But he didn’t budge

And you were confused on why so you tried to tilt your head to look at him

“Next time, tell the security you were hired online.”

He suddenly said frigidly

You just gave a confused expression because earlier he was really nice

“Does this guy have a double personality or something”, you thought

Once the elevator got to level 5, he walked out first without even saying goodbye

You were just appalled by his sudden change of mood

But you just shrugged it off once you walked out as well

“He probably hates Monday mornings.”

Relatable

You walked your way to the CEO’s office and knocked twice before he opened the door himself

“Ah, Ms. y/n, come in!”

You walked in and closed the door behind you and saw a big office with such minimalist décor

You sat on the chair that was in front of his desk and gave your best smile

“So, it’s your first day. You were one of the three new employees chosen, but you landed the job as the new creative director.”

He sounded really excited that you were joining the company

“Thank you, sir. You must have seen my portfolio”

“Yes, I certainly have. Although I will be frank, you were not my first choice. One of our human resource managers handpicked you and thought you were going to be one of the best candidates. I followed his advice, and immediately approved.”

He gave a small smile while typing on his computer

And you just nodded

Sure, you thought you probably weren’t the best applicant as well

But you just shrugged and smiled because you won over the others

“Now, I want you to be with your team today. Go to the office two doors after mine and your new desk will be there. There’s a project coming up for a photoshoot in about a week, so I want you to think of any ideas for the image you think looks best for the shoot. Also, try to come up with a venue that fits well since from what I’ve heard, most venues are packed.”

You nodded as he handed over a small folder

Probably portfolios of the models that were chosen for the shoot

“Thank you, Mr. Lee. I’ll go ahead now.”

You smiled and bowed as you stood up

“Have a great first day.”

You were walking out of the office and you looked at the folder

It finally felt like you were in a new world

And you smiled widely as you continued looking at the folder as you walked to your way

Until you suddenly bumped into someone

And well, worst thing is

He spilled his coffee on his shirt

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”

He exclaimed out of anger

And you were jumbling and a nervous wreck as you tried to grab your hankie from your pocket

But heck you knew it wouldn’t work

Now he got stains all over his shirt

And you looked at him by surprise

It was “Mr. Kwon”

“Oh, it’s you again. Ms. Newbie.”

He said annoyingly

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kwon. I’ll… get you a new shirt…”

“Don’t bother.”

He said as he suddenly took off his shirt

And well you know what was exposed

You furrowed your brows as you were shocked that not only was he really tall

He had a physique of a brusque model

“Oh wow don’t you wear a shirt underneath?”

“Why bother? The weather’s humid these days.”

He was looking at the stain and then he looked at you

“So how much is that gonna cost me”

“Nothing much. About… 220 bucks”

“What?!”

“I choose my shirts carefully.”

He gave a fake smile and just walked his way to the nearest restroom

And you just looked at him with a baffled expression

“Wow. Materialistic”, you thought

But heck you were already starting to get annoyed by him

So you walked over to your office to see your new officemates already talking about the shoot

“Oh! You must be the new creative director! Please, come in. We were waiting for you.”

You smiled as you were surprised at how they were really nice to you

And you were hoping it wasn’t just because it was your first day

“Ms. y/n, we’ve been trying to get a bit of space in Common Ground for the shoot. But it’s always packed, ever since the place became public.”

“Well, we can try to ask permission at the nearest seaport?”

“Ma’am, the only seaport we can ask proper permission from is all the way at Ulsan.”

“So? For better results in the shoot, we’d have to sacrifice on going there and travel for long hours. Plus, we only got a week to prepare.”

You were sure enough that the seaport that had a lot of spaces for the shoot

Plus, you and your past workmates already did a couple of shoots there before too

Suddenly, someone barged into your office and didn’t bother to knock

Surprise, surprise

It’s Mr. Kwon again

And finally he has another shirt on

He saw you first and just sighed as he put a folder in front of you and your other officemates at the table

“Here’s the list of models I chose for the shoot. I’ll get back to you guys on that in a couple of hours.”

He sounded pretty annoyed after he said that and just went out again and closed the office door

“Gosh, he’s such a pushover.”

“I know, I wished someone had the guts to push his buttons just for fun.”

After one of your officemates said that you widened your eyes

Because you totally remembered what happened earlier before going inside the office

“I kind of… spilled coffee on his shirt… before I came here…”

You said in a small voice, and everyone looked at you and laughed

“He deserved it! He’s such a pushover”

“He may be handsome, but gosh he is just sometimes too strict. His looks are gobbled up away because of his personality.”

You just nodded and decided to agree

Your first impression of him was just too similar to how the others talked about him

And you just waved it off and went back to the shoot planning

“So, let’s take a look at who the models he chose were.”

You opened up the folder to see some portfolios of mostly men

And you furrowed your brows again because you were surprised these men looked like Mr. Kwon himself

“Ugh, not Sungbin again.”

“Why did he choose Kyungjin? We already had a shoot with him last week?”

“There are only two girls in here, does he think the theme is too masculine?”

You looked at your officemates complain over the models Mr. Kwon chose

“What’s with the models, though?”

You looked at all your officemates

And they just sighed because they were confused on how to explain everything to you

“Sungbin is Hyunbin’s best friend. He’s ALWAYS chosen in shoots because of him.”

“Yeah, and Kyungjin has already done a shoot with us three days ago. We can’t just call him again out of nowhere.”

“The two girls he chose were the same girls for our retro shoot a month ago. We need new faces, too…”

“Wait… who’s Hyunbin?”

“Mr. Kwon”

“Kwon Hyunbin….”

You just nodded in curiosity and in agreement with everyone

“Mr. Lee gave me a folder of all the models who would fit the shoot, so let’s take a look.”

You opened up the folder to see a lot of other models who you knew would fit the shoot even better than the ones Hyunbin chose

“I’m beginning to think Mr. Lee chose the best new creative director.”

“Shhhh let’s go back to choosing.”

You just smiled at how one of your officemates complimented you

Because not only did you really hate choosing through bias

But also because you wanted to get work done immediately

You didn’t notice it was already Friday since you were already becoming busy even though you were still only 5 days old in your job

You smiled as you scanned your ID and saw the same security guard who called you on the first day

“Someone’s in a good mood today. Have you adjusted well?”

“Definitely.”

You walked your way to the elevator

But as the door was about to close

A tall man suddenly ran and pushed the button again to open it

“Why didn’t you hold the door for me?”

He asked annoyingly, and you just sighed

“I didn’t even know you were nearby.”

Hyunbin just went inside and stood right next to you

The silence inside the elevator was so awkward that you wanted to just get out immediately

“So I heard you crossed off Sungbin from the list of models.”

You looked at him as he said this and just gave a smile full of sarcasm

“Well, we need to be open enough to accept other models too.”

“But he’s my best friend.”

“In the business world, friendships are always at stake. We have to get rid of bias if we want to keep this business running, no?”

You smiled as you looked at the elevator door open to your level

And you chuckled as you walked out

Hyunbin just looked at you

And he had this type of defeated look on his face

“One day.” he whispered

You went inside your office with a huge smile

Until you saw two of your officemates with a gloom look on their faces

“What’s up?”

“The shoot got moved to next month. And two of the models are not free by then.”

“What? Why?”

“The photographers have to go to Italy for a different and more urgent shoot.”

“Can’t we get another set of photographers then?”

“We already sent the notices to Mr. Lee and all the models, so we can’t change it. We can only change the dates of the shoot.”

You sighed as you sat on your desk chair

“So, any other projects we could work on?”

The managers of the company thought that you shouldn’t go with your other officemates to some projects for the first two weeks yet since you were new

And they wanted to see how well you could adjust and work through some loads yourself

Surprisingly, you were really good in handling lots of papers they gave you

They were impressed by your work ethic especially when you handled one of their hardest clients to deal with

“Ms. y/n, we don’t want too much color for our event”

“But if you look at your exhibitions, it’s too dull because you always use the same color and people have already given feedback that they want more. Also, the timing of your events are always on a bad timing since you want to compete with other artists. And you wonder why you always have the same people going to your exhibitions.”

The head of the human resource office was merely awed by how you handled people

The only reason you were able to do that was because you never showed any bias at all

And you wanted to make sure that projects given to you aren’t only a benefit to your clients but to their audience as well

“Keep up the good work, Ms. y/n.”

The CEO complimented your work ethic and definitely was happy that you were under his company

But of course, there’s always gonna be that one person who gets jealous

“Sometimes I wished we didn’t hire her”

“Hyunbin, you chose her in the first place out of all 21 applicants”

“I know, but I didn’t know she’d be this much of a show off”

“But she’s not showing off? She’s only doing her job?”

“Even so? I am starting to not like her”

“Are you crushing on her or something?”

“No way!”

“Then why are you so against her doing her job when you were the one who chose her in the first place? You’re confusing”

Hyunbin would often complain like that to his officemates in his own office

Because honestly he was still upset by how you made him spill coffee on one of his favorite shirts

And sometimes he’d give you an annoyed look whenever you got the chance to see him

This bothered you a bit, but because you wanted to be professional you just smiled

And maybe, you kind of wanted to hate him too

Your officemates would often talk to you about some rumors about him

Even though some were ridiculous and you don’t believe most of them

You just naturally wanted to dislike him as well

So it was a week left before this shoot you mostly handled

And basically, you had to meet up with one of the photographers on Friday night

One of your officemates already told you he was a bit of a flirt

And all of the people in the office and some others knew that as well

Even Hyunbin

You  just brushed it all off because as you say

“Business is business”

Once you were done with work that Friday night

You decided to go to the restaurant right after

So you scanned your ID and was about to head out the building

Until someone from behind ran their way to you

“Hey, y/n!”

And even before you could turn to see who it was

You already knew by the tone of his voice

“Mr. Kwon, I have to meet with the photographer so we could discuss the shoot.”

“I know, but I can’t let you go by yourself.”

“Why not?”

“He’s bad news.”

“Bad news?”

“He’s a good photographer, I admit. But you don’t know how he’s like with clients”

“Fine. But get a table away from us, if you will”

And you both went to the restaurant together

The whole taxi ride was awkward and you both just looked at opposite directions on the windows

The taxi driver even asked if you both were in a lovers’ quarrel or something

“Are you guys having relationship issues you both seem pissed”

“The only relationship we have is business”

You got annoyed and you just rolled your eyes

Because he was starting to get on your nerves and all

So once you both got to the restaurant

The photographer saw Hyunbin and waved for you both to come over

And you thought the photographer wasn’t even that bad looking

Plus you wanted to push Hyunbin’s buttons and try to flirt a bit right in front of him

The photographer wasn’t even surprised about you meeting him with Hyunbin

Because he was also aware by all the rumors going around him that he was a flirt

“So you decided to bring Hyunbin along, eh Ms. y/n?”

“He tagged along out of nowhere so it naturally became that way”

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite. Unless, Hyunbin has a bit of a crush on you?”

The photographer smirked as he looked at Hyunbin

Hyunbin just ignored this and continued on looking on his plate as he ate

But he did blush a bit and looked suddenly on the side

“A crush? On me?”

You said sarcastically

“In your dreams.”

The whole night of conversations were mostly about the shoot

And you were relieved because not once did the photographer even try to hit it off with you

Once the meeting was over you and Hyunbin both waved goodbyes to the photographer and left the restaurant

You were about to catch a cab but Hyunbin beat you to it and got inside himself

“Hey! Aren’t you gonna get me a cab?”

“You can get it yourself”

He just went inside the cab and left

And you were so aghast of his selfishness

“Wow, never in any way will I be able to like this guy”

But in the cab, Hyunbin was just chuckling to himself

Because he thought, maybe he did kind of have a bit of a crush on you

Again, he just rolled his eyes and waited to get to his house

It was finally Monday which meant

“TIME FOR THE BIG SHOOT!!!”

You exclaimed as you arrived an hour earlier than usual at the office

Because finally you were allowed to go to the venue of the shoot

And you were relieved by how punctual the other people who were going with you actually came the same time as you

“Are we all here?”

“Got room for one more?”

Everyone suddenly looked at the person who said this

And wow, it was Hyunbin

You looked really confused because you knew he wasn’t usually into Monday mornings

And you looked at your other officemate

“He wanted to go to the shoot with us, he asked me if he could.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you already knew since you were with him last Friday…”

So you just sighed as you helped out on bringing some boxes of costumes for the stylists to work on all the way to the elevator to go downstairs

And you were annoyed as well by how Hyunbin just stood there

Yawning and looking at everyone bring the boxes and some other things needed for the shoot

“Aren’t you gonna help us with this?”

“There are only two boxes left so it’s too late for me to help.”

You opened your mouth in shock at how he responded to you

But then again, were you even surprised

You decided to sit in front of the van because no way in hell did you want to sit next to Hyunbin

And before you all knew it you all left to go to Ulsan at 7am

You all wanted to arrive there by noon since the shoot was gonna start by 1pm

The whole van ride was just all of you falling asleep and talking about work and random stuff

You took a few peeks at Hyunbin on the mirror

And all he did was sleep

You noticed how he was a bit bloated and just laughed

“What’s up with him?”

You asked the driver who was also one of Hyunbin’s friends

“He drank with some others at a party last night and went home at like, 2am”

“Does he get bloated whenever he drinks?”

“He must’ve had instant ramen last night to try not to get hungover”

You just laughed as how typically opposite he was

Usually at work he was really formal and cold

But you didn’t know he was also someone who loved going to parties and drank often

Finally, after four and a half hours you all arrived Ulsan

Then after another thirty minutes you arrived the place of the shoot

Already prepared by some of the workers since they were already your friends

“Hey, Sunwoo! Thanks for letting us have a shoot here again”

“No problem, y/n. We gave way since today is a slow day for us.”

You just smiled as you helped your other officemates set up for the shoot

And in no time, the models arrived as well with their managers for the shoot

So did the photographer you met, who also came with two others

You hurriedly sent the models to the makeup artists and stylists to get ready

You looked over to your watch to see it was already 12 noon

You didn’t really feel hungry since you ate a lot of junk food in the van earlier

So you just shrugged everything off and decided to get on with the shoot

You tried to look around and find Hyunbin

But all he did was be on his phone and look at everyone becoming all busy

You walked over to him because he was starting to get on your nerves

“Why did you come with us all the way here if you weren’t gonna help us anyway?”

“Maybe because I don’t want to”

“You should at least help us even a bit and not show your lazy ass in front of us.”

You said this as you walked away

And the other officemates heard this and looked at Hyunbin disappointedly

But Hyunbin just sighed as he walked over to where the models were to check on them

In just a few minutes, the shoot already started and everything was going well

You did a headcount on how many models were there since you called up 4 of them

But you were shocked as why you only saw three of them

You told this to one of the photographers and they said it was fine

And that they were gonna try and make it work

You were still a bit worried, though

Because you really wanted to make the shoot go smooth

One of your officemates then went up to you and got a text from one of the models’ managers and said he couldn’t go because of a different shoot

And you gave the most horrified expression

You just decided to stay calm then, since the photographer assured it was fine

Hyunbin was looking at you from afar

And he was amazed by how hardworking and helpful you were to everyone

And whenever you smiled at something, he suddenly started to smile a bit at times too

Because regardless of how haggard and overworked you looked

He thought you were really pretty while doing your job

Especially when you tied your hair

My, my did his heart suddenly beat faster than usual

“What on earth is going on with you, Hyunbin?”

He questioned himself at times whenever he caught himself looking at you mindlessly

So he tried to look around elsewhere whenever you were near him to not get too obvious

Mid-shoot, he saw you yawn over three times while looking at all the models posing

He figured you were really sleepy so he went to make coffee inside one of the small tents for the models since there was a coffee machine inside

In just a while, he came out with two cups of coffee and walked his way next to you

You noticed him stand next to you, but you didn’t look at him and just gave the side eye as you were crossing your arms, looking at the shots on the computer screen

“Here, you need this. You might fall asleep anytime soon.”

“Thanks.”

You grabbed the cup without even looking at Hyunbin

And he kind of knew you wouldn’t look at him anyways since he knew he was a bit cold to you

“Y/n, bad news... one of the photographers want someone who has a built body to go shirtless and wear just this vest on top”

You widened your eyes as you looked at your officemate as she approached you

“Y/n! Have you contacted any other models yet?”

One of the photographers then looked at you in the middle of him taking shots of the models in front of everyone

“He’ll be here in a minute!”

You were feeling frantic as you just stood there and looked around in hopes of seeing someone in a second

Until you suddenly remembered something

You looked at Hyunbin, and he just gave you a confused look

You suddenly spilled your whole coffee cup on Hyunbin’s shirt

And he just looked at you in shock

“What the hell, y/n?!”

“Hey, here’s our new model!”

You yelled and everyone then looked at you pointing at Hyunbin

And Hyunbin again still had his shocked expression

“Take off your shirt”

You whispered to Hyunbin

“Excuse me?”

“Take off your shirt and thank me later.”

So Hyunbin just took off his shirt and exposed his upper body

And everyone else was shocked as to how Hyunbin covered his physique the whole time to actually have a nice and even toned body

“Hyunbin, come with me.”

You smiled as you grabbed Hyunbin to go to the tent with the makeup artists

And in just a few minutes, you and him got out and he was already made up for the shoot

“Now, do this or you’re gonna be sorry you ever came here in the first place”

And Hyunbin just nodded as he walked his way next to the photographer

“Hyunbin? How long have you been hiding this body?”

The photographer laughed as how he was shocked to see Hyunbin all made up

So the shoot went on and Hyunbin did some random poses with the other models

And you were surprised at how he looked comfortable doing random poses that fit well with the shoot and its concept

Whenever Hyunbin looked at you, you just smiled and gave him the thumbs up

And well, he just smiled back

You never knew he was actually really handsome whenever he smiled

Even when he just scowled he already looked quite hot

You mentally slapped yourself from ever thinking this over and over during the whole shoot

And reminded yourself how cold he really was so you just shrugged it all off again

Once the shoot came to a complete success, everyone went to dinner at a restaurant nearby

And the place was packed with all the models, your officemates, the photographers and some staff eating together

Out of all places, your officemates just had to make you sit in front of Hyunbin

Everyone had a great time during dinner just talking and finally happy with the outcome of the shoot

“To y/n, who discovered a new model in Hyunbin!”

One of the photographers raised a glass, and everyone laughed and did cheers

You looked at Hyunbin getting all flushed from this

And you just laughed

You realized you left your phone in your other bag in the van so you asked the driver to give you the keys so you could get it

Once he gave it to you, you ran out to open the van and get the phone

You grabbed your phone and immediately closed your bag and went out of the van

And you were startled to see a tall man stand in front of the door as you got out

“Hyunbin, please don’t scare me like this ever again”

“Sorry”

You closed the van door and almost went up back to the restaurant

Until

“Hey, y/n”

Hyunbin called you and you looked at him

“Yes?”

“Congrats on the shoot’s success”

He gave you a small smile

“Thanks. And congrats on your new hobby, I guess?”

And he just laughed as he scratched the back of his head

“You should thank me for choosing you out of all the applicants for this job, too.”

“Wait, you chose me? Why?”

“Hmm, your portfolio was good. You also had a lot of experiences compared to the other applicants.”

“Well, thanks, I suppose”

You shrugged and there was a bit of silence between both of you

“And I thought you were kind of cute, too.”

You widened your eyes, suddenly shocked by how soft he was becoming

“You’ve been cold and mean to me for the past month and now you call me cute?”

You shook your head as you laughed

And Hyunbin suddenly became shy and laughed as well

“You still owe me a shirt, you know.”

“I’m getting you one once I get paid.”

You laughed as you turned to go back inside

“Hey, our boss is giving us a day off tomorrow because of the shoot today.”

He suddenly said and you turned to him again

“Yeah? So?”

“I was wondering…”

Hyunbin scratched the back of his head and suddenly became nervous again

And you just looked at him and became all puzzled again

“Do you want to… I guess, go out tomorrow and… help me buy a new shirt?”

“Why me?”

“Because you seem to know a lot about fashion… I mean, we could also get coffee afterwards… if it’s fine with you?”

You chuckled as he was asking you this

Is Mr. Cold guy asking you out all of the sudden?

“Fine. I’d like that. As long as we can start over.”

He smiled and was relieved that you accepted his offer

“So, it’s a date then?”

You laughed again at his sudden burst, and he covered his mouth out of embarrassment

“Well, I guess it’s gonna be a date, then.”

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 4

***I’m SO SORRY that I abandoned this story for so long! Anyway, regular updates on this and PL will be happening since we’re all stuck at home and I’m not working much until August (yay summer). Please read, like, comment, and enjoy!***

-----

It had been two days with no response from Kellin. My anxious self was wondering if he had seen the message. What if something happened to him? What if he blocked me because he didn’t know about the pen pal thing?

Worse, what if he had seen the message, scrolled through my profile, and decided that I was some lame kid who wasn’t worth his time? That thought broke my spirit.

“Will you quit?” Mike asked in an annoyed tone.

“What?”

“You’re all mopey and for no reason. Seriously, it’s bringing me way down.”

“Sorry for having feelings,” I snapped. Mike just rolled his eyes as we continued walking to school.

Maybe my brother was right, maybe I should cheer up. Chances were that Kellin didn’t use Facebook as much as other people so maybe that’s why he didn’t reply. But then again, you get a notification on your phone when someone messages you. Unless he turned off his notifications. But why would he turn them off? Unless…

“Vic!” I jumped at the sound of my brother’s loud voice.

“What?” I asked, irritated.

“Snap out of it, bro. We’re here.” I looked up to see that Mike was right, we were at school already. I sighed and adjusted the weight of my backpack before I walked up the steps.

“You sure you’re okay?” I nodded. “You don’t seem like it.”

I shrugged. “I’m just overthinking. Nothing to worry about,” I assured him.

“If you say so.” I looked to see the worry on his face. I frowned. I didn’t mean to worry my brother with how silent I was being. I gave him a small smile before we parted ways, going to our lockers. After getting the books I’d need for my first couple classes I shut the metal door and slid to the floor. I took my phone out and scrolled aimlessly through Twitter.

All I wanted was to get my mind off of the fact that I wasn’t going to make a new friend. It sucked because we probably would’ve been great friends. I had looked through his profile and I saw that we liked some of the same bands. He had a couple pictures of himself on his page as well.

I wound up on his Facebook profile. I clicked on his profile picture and observed it. Kellin had black hair and didn’t smile much in pictures. I wondered why that was. He did have pretty blue eyes though. I wondered what they looked like in person.

I exited his picture and went down his page some more. There wasn’t much to see since we weren’t friends online, but I got a good idea of who he was.

I was about to put my phone back in my pocket when a notification dropped down the screen.

It was from Messenger.

It was from Kellin.

I was giddy with excitement, but I tried to hide it as best I could since I was in the hallway and other students were already looking at me, wondering why I was sitting on the cold ground.

I opened the app and read the new message:

Hey Vic. Sorry it took a while to answer

That’s it, I thought, no other explanation? I shook it off and typed a response.

It’s ok. Been busy?

He answered almost instantly.

Yeah you could say that

Busy with school rn

I chuckled. Yeah me too. Where do you go to school?

Michigan. You?

San Diego, I answered.

Oh cool. Cali! he responded. I’ve always wanted to go. Is it true that it’s always sunny?

I chuckled. Not always but most of the time. More often than not.

Cool

I scowled at his response. I didn’t want this conversation to die before it even started.

So are you in high school or college or…? I asked.

The three dots lingered on my screen for a while before his response came and took the air out of my lungs.

Elementary. I’m in 3rd grade

What?! WHAT??????!

Lol I’m sorry, I’m fucking with you! I’m in high school.

Sorry, but I couldn’t resist, he sent.

I rubbed my eyes in exhaustion. This kid already had jokes, meaning he was way more outgoing than I could ever hope to be.

I locked my phone before sliding it into my pocket. The school day was about to start, and I didn’t need to have my phone taken by a teacher. I stood and dusted the seat of my pants. I picked up my books and walked to my first class, all while having Kellin’s stupid reply playing in my head.

***

Lunch rolled around eventually, which meant some much-needed guy talk. I wasn’t the most open person, even with my friends, but sometimes I would let some details of my life out to them. I didn’t know what it was but being open and honest didn’t come naturally to me. I could do it with Curtis since we’d known each other all our lives. He knew when I was hiding something, and he’d ease me into telling him what I was keeping secret.

I put my books in my locker then checked my phone. Since it was Friday the gang was going to go off-campus for lunch. We did that about twice a month. We would do it more often, but we always end up fighting about where to go. In my opinion, the argument is never worth it.

I looked at the group chat we had. Tony had suggested street tacos, and since no one else had replied it looked like we were gong to get those for lunch. I smiled because there wasn’t any fighting, meaning the other guys agreed with him, or they hadn’t seen the message. Either way, I wasn’t going to let them argue about this one. I wanted tacos.

I walked to the front entrance of the school to wait for my friends. Soon after I got there, Jaime and Tony walked into my line of sight. I waved them over with a smile.

“So, tacos?” Tony asked when they got to me.

I nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

“I’m down, but only if the other two get their asses down here in the next thirty seconds.” I rolled my eyes at Jaime. It was obvious that he was hungry since he wasn’t normally an angry person.

I texted Curtis telling him to hurry.

We’re coming. Mike has some things to finish…

I rolled my eyes and relayed the message to Jaime and Tony. Jaime huffed. “Tell them where we’re going. Curtis has a car so he can drive Mike to meet us.”

I sent the message and left the building with Jaime and Tony. There was no stopping Hime when he was hungry, so I walked behind him without a word.

After showing out IDs to the security guard in the parking lot, we were on our way to one of our favorite food trucks. My stomach rumbled the closer we got to our destination.

We arrived in about five minutes and had our food in another three. Mike and Curtis joined us after the three of us had settled at a table in the middle of the park.

“Okay, you’ve gotta tell me,” Tony started, “what were you ‘finishing up,’ Mike?”

Mike gulped down his burrito and washed it down with his soda before he answered. “I was working my way into Alysha’s life.”

We all groaned.

“What?” he asked, seemingly offended.

“No offense bro, but you’ve been trying to get with this chick for almost two months. You’ve never talked to her and I doubt she even knows you’re alive. Give it up.”

“Look Hime, you may not agree with me, but that’s cool. You’re still my brother and I won’t take that to heart. Just know that I’ll remember this.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew Jaime said that to get through to my brother, but when Mike was determined there was nothing you could do to stop him. It was better to go along with him than to go against him. I wasn’t sure if what one of his best friends said would hurt him in any way, but I was glad to hear that it didn’t. I don’t think our group would’ve wanted to pick sides in this thing.

“What did you do?” I asked my brother. He smiled his winning smile before he spoke.

“Well I talked to Danielle again. Apparently she thinks Alysha is pretty cool and wants to get to know her better, but Alysha likes to keep to herself. That got me thinking about how I never really saw her talk to anyone in class or in the halls.”

We nodded along, curious to hear where this was going. Believe it or not, but we became invested in Mike’s quest for his girl.

“Well,” he continued, “I figured if she doesn’t wanna talk to anyone, I won’t talk to her.”

We stared at Mike with quizzical looks on our faces.

“Huh?” Curtis asked after some time of silence and pondering from the rest of us.

Mike’s grin grew. “I’m gonna leave her notes in her locker. That way she won’t have to talk to me if she doesn’t want to, and at least she’ll know who I am. At the very least she’ll know someone wants to her to know her.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Tony affirmed.

I nodded. “I think she’ll like that. And I can help you write some stuff if you want.”

“Thanks you guys. I just hope this works.”

***

After lunch we went about the rest of our day as usual. I had another soccer practice at the end of the day due to the game happening the next day. Once I had packed my gear up from the locker room I met up with Mike and we walked home.

“You don’t think my idea is stupid, do you?”

I looked at my brother. He had a sad, lost puppy dog expression on his face.

“Of course not,” I answered. “You’re showing her that you care about her by trying to make her feel comfortable. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it, and she’ll finally know you exist.”

“Ha ha, so funny,” he said in monotone.

I laughed. Messing with Mike was so easy.

The walk home led to me taking a well-earned shower before heating up leftovers for dinner and lying in bed waiting for sleep. Of course I scrolled through my phone as I waited.

I swiped through the pages of apps on my screen when I noticed I had a notification on the Messenger app.

Shit! Kellin messaged me and I ignored him. He probably thinks I hate him because of his joke. Fuck!

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before I opened the app and the message.

Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out earlier. I thought it would be funny. I hope I didn’t scare you off

I smiled at his message. I was worried about what he thought of me and he was worried about the impression he made. It was a bit comforting to know that he was as socially anxious as I was.

It’s cool. I guess it was kinda funny. Sorry, I just had a busy day and I just saw this

No worries dude. It’s all good, he replied. How was your day btw?

Busy. You messaged me at the start of school so I had to put my phone up. Then I had soccer practice

You play soccer? That’s so cool!

I chuckled. You really think so?

Yeah! I’m athletically challenged so I live vicariously through others lol

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Lol well it’s cool that you think that’s cool

Was that the right thing to say? No, that was stupid. I facepalmed and bit my lip in anticipation for the response to my lame comment. Why’d you say that, Vic? You couldn’t think of something better to say?

I decided to redeem myself. So what kinds of things are you into?

We messaged back and forth for hours. We talked about our interests, hobbies, families, and all of the other usual things people talk about when they first meet. It was almost one in the morning when I finally told him I needed to sleep. Since he was in Michigan that would’ve made it almost 4 AM; I didn’t want to keep him up all night. We said our goodnights and for the first time in a long time, I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[wxkryarb-blog]

Does your auto insurance cover any one who drives ..your car?

Does your auto insurance cover any one who drives ..your car?

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