#still havent worked on a study routine

[leyskrad]

My meds are workingggg

[agaypanic]

hi omg i got so excited when i saw you were doing egon spengler x reader aaaa! could you do egon and an personality opposite reader? he's all serious and deadpan while she's happy and upbeat (it'd be cool if she was the new girl in the team and had a crush on him). sort of like a "she fell first, he fell harder" situation?

The Sunlight On My Spores (Egon Spengler X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: The new addition to the ghostbuster’s team is a ray of sunshine, and she has her sights on a scientist with an interest in fungi and the supernatural.

A/N: AHHHHH ive been waiting for an egon/ghostbuster request!!! since i havent written for egon before, i hope i get his character right lol also idk shit about science/paranormal jargon. and idk if eegs is spelled the way it should but it’s pronounced ee-gs, like egon but s instead of on

***

Joining the Ghostbusters definitely brought amusement and hecticness to your daily life. Although you handled more of the office work, you had seen your fair share of the paranormal action. Namely Slimer, who would get ahold of your lunch every now and then.

Ray was the first on the team that you had met, being the one to interview you. You liked to call him ‘Sun-Ray’ for his bright and positive personality.

You were pretty much hired on the spot, mainly because Janine had been complaining about the lack of extra help. But as long as you had a steady paycheck, you didn’t mind. Ray had immediately showed you around the firehouse. You met Peter and Winston on the main floor, the former being flirtatious and the latter being more polite in his welcoming. 

Then Ray took you up to the second floor, where the dining area, sleeping quarters, and lab were.

That’s where you met Egon Spengler. His tall frame was hunched over one of the lab’s many workbenches, doing some soldering work on a proton pack.

“Spengs!” Ray said with a wide grin, bringing you over to the scientist. The man in question set down the soldering iron and straightened up, adjusting his glasses as he turned around.

“What is it, Ray?” He asked in a somewhat monotone voice. He glanced at you, furrowing his brows slightly before looking back at his friend. “Who’s this?”

“This is Y/n, our new recruit!” Ray replied enthusiastically, patting you on the shoulder. 

“Ah, so you’ve filled the new receptionist position.” He said, giving you a once-over. “Janine will be happy to hear that.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Spengler.” You greeted with a smile. He outreached his hand, which you grasped firmly and gave a few shakes. His hand was slightly calloused, probably from his work, but still felt nice.

“Egon’s fine.”

“I’ve read a few of your papers on paranormal studies; I think the whole thing’s fascinating.” 

Some of his research papers weren’t the only thing of Egon’s you’ve seen. Ever since the Ghostbusters had gained some popularity, you couldn’t help but find him quite cute, spending an extra few seconds looking at him whenever a picture of the group was in your newspaper or on your television screen. 

And he was definitely even more handsome in person.

“Well then, you’ve definitely come to the right place.” Ray grinned, but your focus was still on the spectacled man before you.

“Thank you, that’s very flattering.” Although his voice was a bit monotonous, the response was genuine. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check on my spore samples.”

“Spore samples?” You asked with curiosity.

“Yes. I collect spores, molds, and fungus.” 

“That sounds like fun!” Egon was a bit taken aback by your response. That wasn’t a reply he was used to hearing. And the fact that you sounded genuine and peppy was even more confusing to him. 

Ray, wanting to show you the rest of the firehouse, started to pull you away. You gave a quick goodbye to Egon before bounding down the stairs after Ray. Meanwhile, Egon needed to take a second to get his befuddled thoughts straight before he could tend to his samples.

***

You fell into a routine pretty quickly. The job was mainly making appointments and ensuring the boys were ready for a call, scheduled or unexpected. Occasionally, you filed paperwork or got coffee for everyone at odd hours in the day. But because the job was shared between you and Janine, you often had at least a little bit of free time.

“Got another one!” Peter announced as he stepped out of the Ecto-1 that had just rolled into the firehouse, holding up a slightly smoking trap. As Winston and Ray emerged from the car, you wondered if Peter had been wearing a poncho because he was the only one not covered at least halfway in goo. “He was a real slimy one, too.”

“I can tell.” You laughed as Ray and Winston peeled out of their uniforms with a grimace. 

“You’re back.” Egon’s voice almost made you jump; you hadn’t realized he had come down from the lab. He walked until he was standing next to you, holding his hand out towards the ghost trap. “I’ll take that, Peter. Ray, come with me, I want to discuss the containment facility with you.”

“What about it?” Ray asked as he closed his locker. Egon brushed past you to walk down to the basement, Ray close behind.

Not wanting to be caught staring at Egon’s leaving form, you whipped back around to the car. It seemed that Winston and Ray weren’t the only ones who got slimed. Poor Ecto.

“I think I’m gonna clean the car.” You thought aloud. “You guys don’t have any more calls until tomorrow.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Y/n,” Winston said. 

“Well, someone’s gotta do it,” Peter interjected. “We gotta ride in style, after all.”

“Really, Winston, I don’t mind.” You insisted. “I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Suit yourself.” He said with a shrug.

Patting you on the shoulder, Winston went upstairs to take a shower. While Peter hung up his jumpsuit, you looked around in a storage closet for car washing supplies.

“Y/n?” You looked towards the sound of the voice, seeing Egon peeking out of the basement entrance.

“Yeah, Eegs?”

“You, uh-” He cleared his throat, cheeks going slightly pink, and you wondered why. “You can wear my jumpsuit, if you want. So your clothes don’t get dirty.”

You grinned, straightening up from your slightly bent position. Peter raised a brow at Egon, although you couldn’t see that because you were also looking at the tall man.

“Thanks, Egon!”

He nodded once before going back downstairs, Peter hot on his tail. 

“You sweet on her or something, Spengs?” He asked quietly, not wanting to gain your attention.

“Shut up, Venkman.”

***

Music blasted as you washed the soap suds of the Ecto-1. You were pretty sure everyone was out of the building, either getting lunch or just not wanting to be in the firehouse. You had taken Egon up on his offer, his jumpsuit fitting very baggy on you. You had to roll up the sleeves and pantlegs, but you didn’t mind. Especially when seeing the patch with his last name on your chest.

Over the music and your own voice singing along to Whitney Houston, you didn’t hear Egon walking down the stairs. When he reached the bottom step, he watched as you jumped around to the beat. 

“I need a man who’ll take the chance, on a love that burns hot enough to last.” You sprayed the last of the soap off the front of the car before turning the hose off. “So when the night falls, my lonely heart calls. Ohh- Oh!” You yelped in surprise as you turned around, seeing Egon, who was still looking at you. His eyes trailed up and down your form, but it was so quick that you didn’t notice. “Hey, Eegs! I thought you’d gone out with the others.” Even after turning down the radio to hear his response, you still danced a bit. Although, your movements were a bit more subdued.

“I was up in the lab, checking on my fungi.” 

“Oh! Was the music distracting you?” You asked, already sounding apologetic. “I can keep it down if you-”

“No!” Egon answered quickly, taking the both of you by surprise. He cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses. “No, the music’s fine. I wanted a snack and found that we were out of Twinkies, so I was going to get some.” 

You nodded in understanding, moving to put away the car cleaning supplies that you were no longer using. And then you noticed that Egon hadn’t made any move to leave. You looked over your shoulder, seeing that he was standing in the same spot with eyes darting around the room, and turned back around to face him. You tilted your head with a questioning look.

“Would you, ahem, would you like to come with me?” He seemed a bit shy to ask, and it made you smile brightly. “Wouldn’t want to leave you here all alone and all.”

“Sure!” You answered enthusiastically. “Lemme just put all this away.” 

Without asking, Egon helped you gather everything and put it in the storage closet. You unrolled the limbs of Egon’s uniform, and he couldn’t help but admire you in his attire, despite how much the fabric consumed you. It was hung back up in his locker with care before you grabbed your purse from your desk and skipped over to him.

“Ready?” You nodded, and the two of you walked out of the firehouse. Without thinking, you looped your arm through his. But before you could pull away and apologize for not asking, he was already pulling you along the sidewalk, the tiniest hint of a smile on his serious face.

[ancientloztrio]

In their modern itterations, who would be the first to truly pull Link into their posse and how easy would it be for Ganon to convince Zelda to fully move in (in the strange happenstance that something happens to her building that makes her apartment inaccessible, just randomly curious 👀)??

Id say it would actually be Links sister that forms the bridge first in the Modern Au. ( i feel bad i havent drawn her still ahhhhh) Since she hangs around to study and help out sometimes. and she can see whats going on...😉

So when Zelda and Ganon come by and Links to busy with orders they can sit at the nearby tables there to relax and eat. Link probably introduces them and from then on she interacts with them. ( shes selectively mute so mostly uses writing or sign language if they know any.) maybe they even help her with her studies on occasion.

Besides her though Ganon would definitly be the front runner of getting things started on that front. He thinks its cute and funny and wants zelda to get more world experience. And Ganon is genuinely curious about him too. Zelda has a hard time getting her thoughts out and gets frustrated (with herself) so probably for the best haha.

Now, in the case of getting Zelda to move to Ganons.....probably not too hard at all! She loves being with her friends/lovers and getting out of her routine and parents/Impas watch. She would feel guilty if she has some work to get done but is also easily distracted. But it wouldnt be unusual for her to be there, so moving in would be a simple next step! If anything Ganon would have had to ask her to not visit cause he has work and she would pout but respect it!

Thank you for the ask! 👀

[whitesandbrowns]

Day 1

1/100 | 17.07.23

Woke up around 6 today. Worked out. Though almost killed myself doing basic beginniner level day 1 workout. My arms are still paining. And i didn't even finish a whole pushup. Ugh.

Had some toast for the breakfast. I watched ruby's video while having breakfast. She is that one person who always makes me wanna do anything in my life with more passion and love towards it.

Then started working. Had good time at work mostly. Had weekly team meeting today as its monday. I am happy to see some progression over packaging design thing. I think we will be able to close it this week, at least from my side.

A tremendously funny thing happened to me today. I dont even know what to call it. So i was working at home till late noon, so after that i thought let's go to my fav cafe to have some mint tea and just work there. So i packed literally everything, went there and then i realized i didnt have my phone there. I left it at home as it was on charging.

But i was like, its okay, the cafe Still has the wifi. I dont need to worry much. I hardly use my phone anyway. But my dearest luck, had different plans. Even the wifi was not working there that time. The owner knew me so she was kind enough to offer her own hotspot but it also didn't get connected. The amazing bad luck i had. And meanwhile all of this, i already had ordered tea so i could not do anything but just wait for the tea to get its flavour and cool down a little bit so i can drink it. But i tried to stay calm and sketched out the cafe, did not turn out like i wanted to but i still did pretty good. Will share it tomorrow

I got home and studied for a while on tangible interaction design and as part of the example there ws this marble answering machine and i absolutely loved the idea. I havent even started the course yet but i can tell for sure how amazing it is going to be. I think i ak gonna finish these courses only as of july. And from august i will start preparing according bhanu's calender.

In my break time i saw this kid on youtube short and immediately fell in love with the parenting. I know for a fact she i gonna grow up to be an amazing person. Kudos to the parents who understands it is an individual they afe raising and not just some part of their own which they need to protect and pamper. Kudos to the kimonomom

and then i mostly slept and skipped dinner as i was not hungry. Thought went out to have ice cream with my dad before going to meet my grandma. She is not so well right now but i hope she gets well soon and gets stronger than ever.

Came home and had a call with my boyfriend while i did a little work and then focused on him, and had a great time talking to him.

Then i did some face massage with gua sha and jade roller. I didnt take a shower today because didnt feel like it. I hope i wake up early tomorrow. Root for me, will ya?

I think this day was overall not as productive. I felt sleepy for most of the part, i need to come up with better sleep routine but other than that, all good. I am happy. Confident. Hopeful.

See you guys tomorrow.

Love,

K

[corvidshipping]

*rings bell* s/i intro s/i intro

their name is Bry "Rosie" Eriksen, any pronouns w/ a leaning towards neutral pronouns! i went for a vintage comic book sort of theme for the art style, given their interests lol

(this ship is entirely platonic, pls dont tag it w/ anything romantic lol. yes i havent seen all of s.tranger t.hings s4, yes i still made an s/i for this friendship. not to be dramatic but i would die for e.ddie m.unson.)

(transcript of images under the cut!)

Bry Eriksen's life is mostly quiet....

Growing up the youngest child of a carnie father, plagued by persistent, recurring nightmares and anxiety, life never seemed to hold much in store for them.

Their routine life was turned upside down when their father sold his shares of the family carnival to buy a storefront in sleepy Hawkins, Indiana, hoping to turn it into a record store. Moving around every three months at the least, never setting down roots anywhere, Bry "Rosie" quickly settled into the change and began working at their father's record store. Life seemed simple again for a while, and they poured their energy into creating the horror comic books and zines that they based on their nightmares, but it would all change when they met a boy from their distant childhood, proving that...

Nightmares can become reality!

Before moving back to Hawkins, Eddie and Rosie had actually met once before: when Rosie's father's carnival had come to town. Rosie had wanted to go in the haunted house, but was afraid of going in alone. Other children had made fun of them for being afraid of props, so they sat outside instead. When Eddie happened across them, he had agreed to go into the house with them, and the two became fast friends for the day. However, he would only see them one more time after that day, in the supermarket getting ready to leave town, until their father moved back to Hawkins.

Upon meeting and hearing his name, Rosie had actually recognized Eddie right away; they pretended not to recall him, though, since they were self-conscious and worried that he would find it creepy of them to remember someone they met so briefly so long ago.

Rosie works at their father's store on Main Street, Eriksen Records, usually found behind the counter reading horror novels or comic books, but sometimes hiding in the back storeroom sorting the boxes of albums. Rosie has an odd habit of becoming extremely fascinated with that which frightens or disgusts them, likely from living with severe anxiety and recurring nightmares since early childhood. Their reaction to any frightening stimuli is usually to immediately attempt to study it, attempting to understand it. They cope with their anxiety and nightmares by writing their own horror comic books which are usually based on their own night terrors; they are trying to get these published, but are usually rejected on the basis that the content is too gruesome. Their favorite band is Oingo Boingo, who they heard of living in SoCal, and usually play in the shop when their father isn't around.

[clanoffelidae]

personal, but overall positive! just under a read more bc i have chronic 'cant shut up disease' lol, just about how learning that i have adhd has explained so much and where i am right now on my path to healing from it all

a big part of my life recently has been learning to accept that i dont have much to show for my time

that so many of my friends are doing things and have all these wonderful crafts and skills to show for it

and i have nothing

i have my voice, i have my love for them and encouragement, but i dont have much to hold up next to their work and say 'see, i can make things too!'

because i havent made much

and thats perfectly fine! no one HAS to make things. so long as youre content, thats all that matters

but it can be upsetting because i WANT to make things

i WANT to be able to hold up what ive done next to my friends stuff and say ive made my own things, just like them

ive always wanted to make things, and i still do

but lately ive been having to come to terms with the fact that i havent, and that thats okay

because im still healing

because i went my whole life being praised for being clever and smart and advanced, for getting good grades and earning outstanding scholarships based solely on my academic abilities

and then crying because i couldnt focus on the material for the exam i had in half an hour and that no matter how much i physically forced myself to pay attention to it and tried to read it out loud to myself my brain was refusing to process the information and it was slipping through my fingers like sand

and dealing with this for years, never understanding how everyone else could just hang out and study regularly and i always had to beat my brain black and blue to get it to focus long enough to learn a single thing, thinking it was all my fault because clearly the problem was an inherent flaw in my personality and i was just a lazy and no good person who was immature and would never grow up and that i guess i didnt care because everyone was saying that if i cared id be working on it and i thought i cared an awful lot but they cant all be wrong so i guess i dont actually care about anything because nothing else makes sense...

that i was constantly running on pure adrenaline because that was the only way i was able to accomplish ANYTHING

there was no 'work on it slowly over time'

i'd be spaced out daydreaming, or listening to music while pacing the halls up and down and up and down and up and down for literal hours, from the moment i got off classes to a short break for dinner to right back to it until i forced myself to go to bed

just walking and walking and pacing and pacing and listening to music and daydreaming bc that was the only thing my brain was happy with

and looking back now, my god, i was acting like a tiger whose entire enclosure is a small concrete box three times its body length and so all it can do is pace back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

and by the time i graduated college i was so broken the mere thought of more schooling filled me with sheer dread, where i was so tired and worn down i barely even understood what i was doing anymore, i didnt want anyone to explain the 'why' or the 'how' of what it was they wanted me to do, i just wanted them to tell me what to do and leave me alone because even that was so close to more than i could handle

i couldnt take care of myself and had to be hassled at every turn to accomplish things i NEEDED to do, because they were hard and i couldnt do them until i was practically yelled at

and the thing is that im still doing that

not to the same extent, god no. i actually manage to keep relatively on top of my chores now, ive gotten into the routine of brushing my teeth every day properly, making sure i take a shower and moisturize (to be fair thats mostly because my hands are dry as shit bc i work in a lab lol, so they need lotioning after my shower), taking my meds, forcing myself to always eat SOMETHING at every meal time even if i cant manage what i 'should' eat, and ive started cooking again

not much, and its rare that i even extend my reach from 'grilled cheese' to 'boxed foods that require like 20-30 minutes instead of 5', but im starting to make food again and feed myself properly instead of either buying premade meals or just hoping i dont drop dead from whatever im hastily scarfing down with no thought to the nutritional value of it

im working on getting medicated and slowly learning how to be a person again after crashing myself so hard i think the only reason i didnt contemplate something more extreme is because i nearly died in 2019 and will never take one moment for granted

but my primary free time activity is still pacing and listening to music, lost in my own head and wearing a path into my apartment's floor

(hey im getting my steps in lol)

but i understand why now, and i understand why it can be so hard for me to pull myself away from that and make myself do other things

(if i were an ancient being i think i would be the one who walks endlessly without rest while softly singing a neverending song)

and that its not my fault, its not something wrong with me as a person in terms of my own personality or maturity or how hard im trying, its not something i can really control

and that part of learning how to heal from the damage its caused me is learning how to forgive myself for it

and so no i dont have much to show for my time, no i dont have many hobbies or little crafts to show for how productive i am and all my thoughts and all the wonderful little things i can and want to make

im too busy healing and remembering what its like to be alive

if i get one or two little things done here and there over the course of a few months that i can hold up and say 'look!!! i made something!!!' then thats wonderful, if not, if i come out those months with nothing to show for it and all i can say is 'i fed myself and brushed my teeth and went to bed on time and did my chores' then by god that is so much more than i wouldve been able to say a year and a half ago

no im not much of a 'content creator', even if i have so many ideas and want to make so many things that i want to share with so many people

and thats okay

because ive got something else that needs my time and energy right now

me

edit: want to clarify that by 'not something i can control' i mean that while i can find tricks and ways to make things easier to work WITH my adhd rather than against it i cant help having it and i cant help the fact that my brain is now wired differently because of it and that i cant do things in the same way as everyone else as a result

[inahallucination]

what do u mean u dont think todd gives neil shoulder rubs when he’s stressed

like during exam weeks, with his dad breathing down his neck, neil is pulling all nighter after all nighter and todd takes a break from his studying to give him shoulder rubs, scalp massages, or just to pepper him with kisses until he relaxes. 

he drags him to breakfast, lunch and dinner, and keeps study snacks for him

and tricks him into having a semi-decent sleeping routine 

(”neil... are you still working?”

“yeah, why?”

“oh it’s nothing....”

“todd, seriously, just tell me. u know u can tell me anything”

“well,,, with exams and stuff we havent spent much time together so i was kinda hoping we could cuddle,, but if ur busy...” *sad sad sad face*

“..oh! no no im almost done”)

and yeah

[1990jeevas]

gimmie those headcanons -Batz 🖤💜

hiiiii gamers <3 here's ur headcanons (sorry for lateness waaa):

-because of his dad working in fashion he's a wee bit too into fashion himself. he will dress lazy asf on the regular, but it still works, nothing ever clashes. on top of that, he will be the first to tell someone when something their wearing doesnt match, even tho he wont tell them to change bc, at the end of the day, if they wanna look a mess, that's their business. watches a lot of fashion shows, but nobody really knows why. he's gotten the whole bakusquad more or less invested in fashion tho, even if they dont actually understand shit about it.

-has more or less perfect skin thanks to his quirk, kaminari is perpetually mad about this

-kpop girl group stannie. is big on charts and streaming, will reply to text messages with nothing but a fancam if he's in a silly goofy mood

-sweets make him feel physically nauseous a lot of the time but he will never pass down a homemade oatmeal raisin cookie <3

-has trouble swallowing medication so he has to take his pillies with unsweetened (or watered down) apple juice

-demiromantic gay transman, uses he/him exclusively

-go autistic adhder go

-has a very specific routine he has to follow every day and he gets super pissed when the routine is interrupted. will refuse to hangout with people if they dont ask him at least a handful of hours ahead of time.

-has a lot of vocal stims, including (but not limited to): fuck, die, just straight up screaming, owa owa (kaminari's fault), boobas (mina's fault), humming songs, wawawa (can be just a few times or alotta times), shit and basically any colorful variation of a cuss

-more stims babeyyy: hitting things (himself, the floor, etc), shaking his head back and forth, shoulder shrugging, cracking knuckles, small kicks in the air, jumping up and down, chewing on basically anything, teeth clacking (?), clicking anything that's make a click sound, pacing, circling rooms (ig thats also pacing but also Not), etc

-likes cooking bc most people leave him alone and he get's to just relax while moving around, doing his own lil thing

-hoh because explosions, has hearing aids but he's 99% sure most people havent noticed

-professional procrastinator but he gets good grades and meets all his deadlines so nobody knows (plus he has a system to do things as soon as he gets them now which is way more effective)

-sucker for a good romance but wont admit it (all his friends know)

-also a sucker for a good drama, will get way too invested and sit in the common room shouting at pretty little liars on the regular

-likes collecting little things from days out, has little containers for stuff like rocks, things he buys on those days, etc. and a bulletin board over his desk for pictures (it used to be pretty empty, only a picture of the class and a few scenery pictures he took while hiking, but it started to fill up after kamino ward. lots of pictures of bakusquad, a few of him and ochako training, a couple pictures of his classmates napping in the common room and more pictures of kirishima than he'd like to admit)

-cries a lot, sometimes without noticing, a lot of the time when he's pissed off

-touch starved, but also has sensory issues related to touch and gets easily overwhelmed by it

-love language is being an asshole to his friend and then doing everything he can to help them. love language is cooking for the whole dorm and then complaining about it. love language is spending more time studying with his "so called squad" than actually getting his own work done (but dont worry, he has planned for this exact issue). love language is letting his friends come to him with their problems and listening even though it makes him feel super uncomfortable because he has no clue how to comfort someone. love language is giving mina hugs because her love language is touch and accepting kirishima's praises even though he doesn't know how to respond without being an ass and taking random gifts from sero even though he doesnt like people buying stuff for him and spending hours with kaminari on the weekends no matter how drained he gets from the social interaction. anyways. he loves his homies.

[ahlis-xiv]

journal entry 50.3

Ahlis held the orange stone between her index finger and her thumb above her head as she lay within her room. Her thoughts wandered across all manner of things, all in passing; the familiarity of the stone’s shape, the gulf within her heart where she knew her emotions ought to be, the carving upon the stone’s surface a calm assurance. Even in the soft ambient light she could see the crystal was translucent with smooth facets along its edges. It reminded her of colored glass, and at such a realization she felt a pang of loneliness.

She had decided to remain at the Rising Stones for the time being in the aftermath of their return home. All was well, and Ahlis couldn’t quite believe it. Yet by all accounts the Scions, her friends...her family, was whole again and back as they should be.  The reminder took the edge away from the sudden ache as she continued to look upon the crystal for a few moments more until a sudden knock rapped against the door. Ahlis pushed herself up quickly and slid the stone beneath her pillow.

“Come in.”

It was G’raha that had come to visit, her weapon within his gasp.

“Do you have a moment?” He asked and Ahlis nodded before shifting in her seat upon the bed, patting the space next to her. G’raha took the opportunity to rest himself and placed the staff against his lap, giving the both of them equal advantage in looking it over.

“What do you think?”

“I’ve tested the focus and found no faults or weaknesses in it, nor any metal fatigue in its construction. Not that I would expect it, given the alloy that was used.”

“Naturally,” Ahlis grinned, her expression teasing. “You would know most of all.”

G’raha’s ears twitched a little before he cleared his throat.

“What I do not know is what brought this about? The weapon is at peak performance, and well cared for.”

“Perhaps I’m a bit bored with it.”

“Bored? Well why not say so from the beginning! We could fashion you another, as was done with mine.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just...take this one apart, maybe? Replace a thing or two? I’ve grown used to its design.”

At that G’raha finally balked, groaning.

“You would take apart an Allagan relic, wouldn’t you? Out of boredom, no less!”

“We let Tataru do the same, havent’ we?” Ahlis laughed at him, and when he looked at her face could not help it to smile.

“Don’t worry...I haven’t forgotten how I came to possess this in the first place,” Ahlis patted G’raha’s shoulder lightly. “Were it not for your glowing recommendation--”

“Oh please, you knew I wanted to study it for myself. I allowed it, as it was you who found it first.”

“You wound me, G’raha,” Ahlis spoke and pouted gently. “And here I thought we were scholarly comrades...”

“Hah, things change my friend,” he spoke while his grasp on the Allag weapon was relinquished, handing over to her entirely.

“Aye...that they do.” Ahlis smiled again, briefly, before she turned back to looking at the ancient weapon between her hands.

For better days ahead, I hope. For the both of us.

~

I have been having a time of it lately in finding a moment to write anything down. And now that I am able I find myself lacking all over again. Much is happening! With the others returned and falling back into the old routine as Scions in a realm where they ought to be and remain the Rising Stone is, undoubtedly, a-flutter with activity.

It makes Tataru and Krile quite happy. I’ve seen their relief first hand, and they are more than willing to  do something else than waiting around, fretting and worrying.

I have left the others to their own devices for the moment, as I feel it is easier to let them be than question them on how they feel, and what they are thinking now that things are back as they were before. I cannot imagine wanting to dwell on it: just recalling the fact that years had already before I finally crossed the expanse--

It must be so strange, so odd. To have such lengths of time suddenly snapped back to that of only a few weeks. It’s as if it never happened, and I am the only one out of them all having escaped it. I fear had I been like the others and taken far sooner I’d still be righteously pissed off no matter what G’r

Now that I think about it, I should probably keep a closer eye on that. I do not doubt that he would eager to learn more of the ropes in being a Scion entails (what ever those ropes may be at this rate), which means...I feel I may have him on my hands more days than not going forward. Not that I mind, really! But I...am unsure what the others expect to do with him. It may be too soon, and at the end of it he’ll tag himself along wherever and whatever way is best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t think some of our current roster may find him a little problematic a handful to work with do not leave him with Alisaie she might just toss him off a cliff or a balcony or that would be kind of funny tho In any event—I may be in need of a new focus for one of my weapons. G’raha’s opinion on the matter was quite helpful and his testing informative, even if it was a little bit of a pain to be without it. Those Allagans made their craft to last, indeed. Yet removing the crystal from the head of the rod might just ruin the entire relic should’ve seen his face when I recommended we do just that, hilarity! I might just have to look for something new. Something more to my caliber, hah! That old Allag staff served me well, and I am attached to it in a silly sort of sentimental way. It was from a simpler time

That is all for now. Some letters need replying (ugh) and I want to see if anything from Ishgard has arrived. The next time I return to this journal I plan to be within the warm confines of a warm, cozy gown and besides a roaring fire with my tea at the manor. So help me.

The entry continues some ways down the page, added later on…

The north still remains in shambles. Dealing with the new Garlean weapon program has been proceeding apace, but besides that I cannot say. Riol remains mum on the matter, likely occupied on figuring out things on his own end.

I wish to dedicate as little as I can of these personal pages to that bastard Gaius, but I cannot help my skepticism. I wonder if he will be able to do what needs to be done, and if he can accept the fates of those old charges of his. He doesn’t have a choice, not with me sending them into death.

Nothing new from Ala Mhigo either, and Lyse has not sent any letters for some time. She is incredibly busy no doubt, like myself, so I am understanding. Yet it feels unlike her, and cannot help but wonder.

This won’t do, as it gives me more time for for me to dwell on the First and what has happened up to when I came back. Need distractions. But I still dream of things, only to barely recall any of it. Only the stone has brought some comfort, as strange as it is to me. Familiar.

I foresee more late nights in the future, just like this one.

[comradekatara]

if you havent already, may i ask for some azula headcanons for the modern au? looking at your blog makes me grow new brain cells

of course!! congratulations on the birth of your brain cells :)

for a large chunk of her childhood, azula did nothing but school. no after-school activities, no playing outside, nothing. just school and then releasing her pent-up anger and aggression bullying zuko, as one does

teachers who were sympathetic to her dysfunctional situation routinely urged ozai to enroll her in a physical activity, but they were ignored. but by the time she got to middle school, one teacher was able to make a case that after-school activities would be advantageous on a college application. finally azula was permitted to choose a sport from a list of options that ozai found acceptable. she shot down horseback riding and tennis and argued for field hockey instead. 

when the full extent of her aggression became known, her coach had to invest in some reinforced mouthguards so azula wouldn’t be knocking out her own teammates’ teeth left and right. 

naturally, katara played ice hockey, but when their local rink was closed down due to asbestos (*rebecca bunch voice* “you guys are good! bye-bye :(”), she ended up on azula’s field hockey team. they began beating the shit out of each other every day. 

most of the kids on the team were very scared of both azula and katara, as they both had hair-trigger tempers and completely opposite idiosyncrasies that would lead to a meltdown. also, as mentioned, they regularly beat the shit out of each other.

one time they got roomed together in a hotel for an away game. it was weird and quiet and neither of them slept. they lost the game the next morning.

basically from the very first time katara gave her attitude, azula was doomed to forever nurse a crush on katara that she would never express to anyone, least of all herself. so that was fun. 

as for her life at school, things were boring in their predictability. azula spent all night every night studying and writing essays and doing supplemental research on her various class units that no one asked for. even when classes were easy, she made them hard for herself by taking her homework to the strongest possible extreme. she got As on every single thing and anytime she didn’t earn an A it was common knowledge among the faculty that rounding up was a reasonable price to pay to prevent the possibility of violence. 

she didn’t really have any friends. every once in a while she loaned a hair tie to ty lee and felt tingly in her fingers all the rest of the day. she worked on one group project with mai one time for a dramatic lit class and mai called her a lunatic to her face. (azula turned up her nose and pretended to take it as a compliment but she pummeled her pillow to shreds that night and didn’t even understand why.) 

she joined mock trial but quit out of rage when sokka was chosen to be the lead counselor on one of their cases instead of her. she lied and said it conflicted with her field hockey schedule, which sokka knew to be a lie. 

so as for sokka. she was violently obsessed with his perfect grades and good-natured casual attitude. how could he be both brilliant/an academic inspiration/her idol and role model and also socially gifted? moreover, how dare he be related to katara??? these questions kept azula up at night, even when she ran out of five-hour energy shots and her body was desperate for sleep. 

sokka, in return, was generally oblivious to azula, despite knowing the names of most people in the student body. (he’s just a nice guy like that.) for a while he knew her as the freak who twisted katara’s arm. once he became friends with zuko, he knew her as the freak who crushed a soda can using only her thumb and index finger when she spotted sokka in her house. he had the general sense that azula either hated him or was in love with him but didn’t particularly care which one it was. 

azula harbored an elaborate theory that sokka was conspiring to ruin her life and ensure that she could never get to any of her top choice colleges. she believed that if he succeeded in his plot, she would probably have to go somewhere completely unacceptable, like georgetown. or northwestern. 

zuko could never get her to explain why she thought sokka cared enough to sabotage her. sokka was two years older, after all; it wasn’t like they were competing for status or a valedictorian spot. but any time he asked azula why she was so hung up on sokka, she growled like a wolf and zuko took several meaningful steps away.

azula had had a crush on suki since the second they met; she believed that sokka was dating suki to torment her, even though azula had never spoken to suki and suki had no clue she existed. 

in all of high school, azula never attended a party or any sports games other than her own. one time she walked through the gym when the cheerleaders were practicing because she had left her shoes behind, and she stood stock-still for fifteen minutes watching ty lee lift two people over her head. the coach blew her whistle three times before azula jolted to attention and left. 

azula spent an hour doing her hair and preparing her makeup every morning until she saw suki come to school with wet hair once. this was a revelation too powerful to ever put into words. she threw out her makeup after that. (zuko nicked it out of the trash and would eventually use it for drag many years later, which felt right.) 

in her senior year, after she got into harvard and could relax approximately 20% of the tension she’d been harboring for the last 18 years of her life, azula began volunteering at a dog shelter on the weekends. she would never tell anyone about this. she found walking massive dogs to be incredibly soothing. 

she relaxed another 20% of her tension in college after she kissed a girl for the first time. and another 5% a few weeks after that when she stopped filing her nails into weapons all the time. 

as an adult, the best thing that ever happened for her was the weekend of her father’s funeral. she attended it on friday and had a surprisingly civil lunch with zuko afterwards. on saturday she purchased a ferocious, purebred german shepard. on sunday she wore sweatpants. it was a good weekend.

[purpli-writes]

Makoto Naegi's Normal School Life

Summary:

Makoto Naegi had always wanted to go to Hope's Peak Academy but when he was informed he'd be one of a kind in his class?

He wasn't so sure.

Day One of My Naeishi Week: Monster AU

You can read it on AO3 here

“Are you paying attention, Naegi-kun?” Nanami asked, staring at Makoto a little worried. “This is important information, I think.”

“Y-yes, I am Nanami-senpai,” Makoto replied quickly. “It’s… a lot to take in, though.”

“That’s normal, probably,” Nanami responded, pulling out her Gamegirl. “It was with me, anyway…”

“But, I think the golden rule is just to treat them as you would anyone else,” Nanami added. “They’re after all still your classmates, Naegi-kun.”

Makoto nodded. If Nanami could handle her class he would probably be fine.

Assuming his luck didn’t go against him, of course.

Entering his class for the first time was going to be the hardest, that Nanami had promised.

Makoto had always thought of himself as a somewhat sociable person but now all he wished is that he could go hide away in his dorm.

They might buy that I’m sick, right? Makoto thought desperately as he stared at the classroom door.

Still, despite his nerves, Makoto reached for the handle.

He was sure he had never been more nervous in his life.

That was sad, wasn’t it?

Makoto slowly opened the door, ignoring the beating of his heart.

“Ah, Naegi-kun,” a mature voice greeted, startling Makoto. “I see you’ve made it here in one piece.”

Makoto dumbly nodded, staring at his teacher.

“Would you like to introduce yourself?” the teacher prodded, smiling softly.

Slowly but surely, Makoto made his way to the front of the classroom, ignoring the stares he felt on his back.

“My name is Makoto Naegi,” Makoto began, staring straight ahead. “I’m the Ultimate Lucky Student and I’m pleased to make your acquaintances.”

“If you could find your seat, Naegi-kun,” the teacher said. “We could start a more formal meeting.”

So far, Makoto thought as he made his way to the one empty desk, school seems pretty normal…

Maybe it won’t be so bad after all!

Makoto found that his classes for the most part passed smoothly, however it was a bit awkward not knowing anyone at first.

Luckily, Maizono, Ikusaba, and Hagakure were quick to talk to Makoto, claiming that he had seemed interesting.

“Naegi-chi,” Hagakure had said, beginning a question he had already asked several times before. “Do you have any magic?”

“No,” Makoto answered, getting a bit annoyed. “Up until a few weeks ago, I had no clue that magic was even real.”

“Huh…?” Maizono had said. “Humansssssss really have no clue?”

“It would make sense,” Ikusaba said. “They have explanations for everything, why would magical instances be any different?”

“I mean little kids believe in magic,” Makoto said. “But as we get older we just stop believing…”

“That’sssssssss horrible!” Maizono gasped, tail shaking slightly.

“Perhaps it’s just part of their lives,” Ikusaba said calmly.

Makoto nodded at that, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, Naegi-chi,” Hagakure began. “If you ever want to learn magic, learn it from me!”

Glancing at Maizono and Ikusaba told him that he might not want to take Hagakure up on his offer, yet Hagakure had looked so excited. Saying no outright would be like kicking a puppy...

“Thanks, Hagakure-kun,” Makoto said. “I’ll… think about it?”

Hagakure smiled brightly, and slowly the conversation turned to more normal things.

chiaki nanami:

nanami: naegi, how was your first day?

naegi: it was… interesting but not bad.

nanami: see? i told you it wouldnt be that bad

nanami: probably

naegi: i mean i havent really talked to most of them yet

nanami: you might do it eventually, naegi! i believe in you

nanami: maybe…

naegi: ...thanks?

nanami: no problem!

Makoto slowly tried to introduce himself to the rest of his class, some more successful than others.

But there was someone who kept gaining Makoto’s interest despite Makoto not talking to him.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka.

It seemed his small friend group had noticed his interest although Maizono and Ikusaba didn’t seem exactly eager to mention it.

Makoto didn’t know whether to be thankful or worried.

“Naegi-chi,” Hagakure said as they walked to lunch. “Are you ever going to talk to Ishimaru-chi?”

“Huh…?” Makoto said, scratching at his cheek. “I do talk to him, Hagakure-kun.”

“That’s not what I mean, man,” Hagakure whined out. “Since it’s obvious you have a crush on him why don’t you talk to him?”

“What…?” Makoto asked. “I don’t-”

“It’s obvious, man,” Hagakure said. “I could predict your future with him for a measly 100,000 yen!”

“...I’ll pass, Hagakure-kun,” Makoto said.

As Hagakure and Makoto made their way to the lunch table Makoto couldn’t help but ponder Hagakure’s words.

I can’t have a crush on Ishimaru, I haven’t even really spoken to him…! Makoto thought. ...Right?

Makoto went through the rest of his day, trying not to think of Ishimaru.

If anything, it’s a bit creepy, right? Makoto thought to himself. I mean, we don’t even know each other!

“Naegi-kun,” Maizono began, slithering up to Makoto at the end of their final class. “Did ssssssssomething happen?”

“Huh?” Makoto asked, looking at Maizono. “I don’t think so, why?”

“You ssssssssssseemed a bit out of it,” Maizono explained. “Thissssssssss doesn’t have anything to do with Ishimaru-kun, doessssssssss it?”

“W-wha…?” Makoto said. “How did you-”

“I’m pssssssssssychic, ssssssssssssillly!” Maizono smiled. “Jusssssssssst kidding, I jussssssssssst have good intuition!”

Makoto stared at Maizono in a bit of a shock.

“Maizono-san,” Makoto began. “I think I might have a bit of a problem…”

“And you have a crush on him?” Ikusaba asked plainly. “Despite not interacting with him other than superficial moments?”

“When you say it like that…” Makoto said, scratching at his cheek.

“Hey! Humans have short life spans!” Hagakure said. “So of course he’d fall in love quickly!”

I didn’t think my lifespan was that short… Makoto thought.

“I think it’sssssssssssss ssssssssssssweet,” Maizono added. “Love at firsssssssssssst ssssssssssssight, right?”

“It isn’t love!” Makoto protested. “I… just… I don’t know.”

“Well you won’t find out if you don’t talk to him,” Hagakure said.

“Hagakure-kun is right, for once,” Ikusaba said. “You’re going to have to talk to Ishimaru-kun to confirm your feelings.”

“It won’t be sssssssssssso bad, Naegi-kun,” Maizono said. “Ishimaru-kun can’t be that bad to talk to.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Makoto said. “Well, wish me luck.”

“Hopefully we don’t have to man,” Hagakure said. “You are the Ultimate Lucky Student aren’t you?”

Finding Ishimaru wasn’t hard. From the little interaction Makoto had with him he knew the guy liked to study.

Religiously.

Makoto went to the library and unsurprisingly Ishimaru was there. At least his intuition wasn’t wrong.

“Ishimaru-kun?” Makoto said, walking up to Ishimaru. “Could we talk?”

“Of course, Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru said in his usual loud voice. “Students communicating is fundamental for a working school environment!”

“It’s more of a personal matter,” Makoto said, looking away.

“Oh? Please do share, Naegi-kun!”

“I realized I don’t really know a lot of my classmates that well,” Makoto said. “So I wanted to get to know you better, Ishimaru-kun.”

What a copout… Makoto thought sullenly to himself.

“I would also be interested in furthering our relationship, Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru responded, smiling with his arms out.

chiaki nanami:

naegi: ...i need your help, nanami

nanami: huh…? what do you need naegi?

naegi: i dont know how to flirt with one of my classmates

nanami: oh? youre already flirting with one of your classmates?

nanami: um… thats… a problem

naegi: i know

nanami: just flirt with them like you would a normal person, probably

naegi: i dont know how to flirt with people

nanami: im not good at dating sims, naegi…

Slowly but surely Makoto was sure he was making progress with befriending Ishimaru. His friends offered him tips on what they had learned about Ishimaru but he wasn’t exactly sure he could accept all of their help.

“I could have one of my minions follow him, man,” Hagakure offered during lunch.

“There’s probably a love spell I could cast on him,” Ikusaba said during the middle of their third period. “Although I would have to go to the dragon realm…”

“You could alwayssssssss trap him, Naegi-kun!” Maizono had said cheerfully at the end of the day.

Yeah, his friends were probably not the best people to consult on this matter.

“Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru yelled after Maizono had left him for the day. “I think it would be pertinent for us to study!”

“Huh…?” Makoto said. “Study…?”

“Yes!” Ishimaru said. “It would help us better understand each other while still keeping on top of our school work!”

“We could… just hang out?” Makoto offered. “That would also help us better our friendship…”

“But what about our studies?!”

“Studying isn’t everything in a friendship…” Makoto said. “I mean it’s also important for friends to relax with each other.”

“Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-what?!” Ishimaru cried out, looking shocked.

Did Makoto… break him?

Did I really say something that weird…? Makoto thought.

“I understand, Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru said, starting to cry. “Thank you for teaching me, Naegi-kun!”

“You’re… welcome?” Makoto said, scratching at his cheek.

“Naegi-kun! You can decide the place we relax!”

As Makoto led Ishimaru to a park he had discovered nearby he noticed Ishimaru’s tail wagging.

Huh, I didn’t know that he could do that… Makoto thought. It’s kind of cute…

The routine of hanging out with Ishimaru continued for a few weeks and Makoto found himself happy with how things were going thus far.

Too scared to make a move, Makoto had accepted that he was resigned to only being friends with Ishimaru.

Not that that was a bad thing, despite how his friends had teased him.

Yet today, Ishimaru had been acting a bit weird to Makoto. More red-faced and loud, almost as if he was annoyed.

Did Makoto do something?

“Are you really that dense, Naegi-kun?” Ikusaba asked, blinking at Makoto. “I wonder how you’ve made it this far.”

“Huh…? What do you mean?” Makoto asked, tilting his head.

“I think it’s pretty obvious, man,” Hagakure answered unhelpfully. “Are you going to eat that, Naegi-chi?”

Makoto pushed his tray towards Hagakure who accepted it wordlessly.

“I think Ishimaru-kun might be reciprocating your feelingssssssssss, Naegi-kun,” Maizono explained. “It would explain his recent behavior.”

“H-huh…? You think?” Makoto asked.

“It’s obvious,” Ikusaba said. “Even Hagakure gets it.”

“Mhm!” Hagakure agreed, muffled by food.

“Don’t worry too much, Naegi-kun,” Maizono said. “It’sssssssssss going to work out perfectly!”

chiaki nanami:

nanami: heard from one of my classmates that you have some good news incoming

nanami: ….probably

nanami: it’s probably pointless to wish you good luck, naegi, but i told you it’d be fine.

nanami: ...maybe

“Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru yelled at the end of the school day, startling Makoto.

“Ishimaru-kun…?” Makoto asked, trying to ignore what his friends had told him during lunch. “What’s up?”

“I have something to tell you, Naegi-kun!” Ishimaru said, continuing to yell.

“I don’t think you have to be so loud, Ishimaru-kun…” Makoto said. “Unless you want to tell everyone in the school…”

“I know these feelings are not exactly wholesome but I can no longer deny my attraction to you, Naegi Makoto-kun!”

“Huh…?!” Makoto said, feeling his face redden rapidly.

“I understand that you may not reciprocate these feelings….!” Ishimaru said, trailing off as Makoto stared blankly at Ishimaru.

Before Ishimaru could say anymore Makoto closed the gap between the two of them connecting their lips.

“Ishimaru-san, I think I might like you too.”

naegi phan klub:

Soldier Girl: Looks like they finally got together.

Snake Songstress: Finally! I’m happy for them!

speak to the dead: ...maybe we should add him to the group chat now?

Snake Songstress: No…! Think about how embarrassed he’ll be.

Soldier Girl: Adding him now.

Naegi Makoto was added to the group chat

[take-me-up--cast-me-away]

Totally skipped on sleeping last night. And instead of studying for next weeks midterm (which I still havent even BEGUN to review for yikes) I just sorta...zoned out and stared into the ether. Couldnt bargain, force, or sweet talk my animal brain into focusing.

At least I have until Friday before I have to see Bird at work. Which will be less than stellar but hopefully not as awkward as I'm worried it will be. Trying and failing not to obsess about it. Still so weird how someone who is part of your every day routine can just drop out into the void. I had to stop myself from calling her on the way home yesterday because it's so ingrained in me. I miss her terribly and constantly.

I wish that we had been able to stay friends, but I also need to accept that it isnt in the cards and get my life back in order. I couldnt make two relationships and school work. No amount of sulking will fix it.

Bear continues to surprise me. He brought up yesterday that despite how this relationship put us to the test, he still feels that we can make poly work if that it what I want. He asked that we wait until maybe school is done and that he and I spend some time addressing weaknesses in our relationship that popped up while I was starry eyed with NRE for Bird. I agreed, and said I needed to sort myself out as well.

I feel awful for crying myself to sleep every night this week, it inevitably wakes him up. Bear rubs my back and holds me until I tire myself out. I feel like I am grieving, but dont really have a right to? I have a wonderful, amazing boyfriend and an interesting job. I am struggling to close up this hole left in my chest by her. I think it will just take time and patience.

[wormssss]

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok a more specific prompt, coffee shop au with Malec and claia 😌

this is nowhere near specific and you damn well know it, anon. i appreciate u trying to find an excuse to throw coffee shop aus everywhere, tho. keep doing the lord's work even if i will inevitably twist the prompt

Magnus works at a small, local coffee shop as a barista. It's not exactly his #1 job choice, but it pays better than big chain coffee shops and he needs that to pay rent now that he officially left his abusive father's home for good. Also, he is kind of a coffee enthusiast and the owner, Ragnor, lets him go wild with making up new drinks and ingredients, as long as he still does his job.

All in all it's a good job and he considers the old fart and the other barista, maia, to be like family. Ragnor frequently gives them coffee and Maia constantly teases him about being a "coffee scientist" whenever she catches him thoughtfully drinking from a cup and scribbling notes on his notepad, like some ancient being

His recipes are good, though, and he knows exactly where to get the best coffee beans for the best price. So their drinks are good, affordable, and can please everyone from the traditional "black coffee no sugar" exec to the teenager who wants more of a milkshake than actual coffee

As a result, the shop thrives, gets more popular, and gets more clients. So Ragnor decides to hire a new barista to help. Because he's secretly a sweetheart, he ends up hiring this broke college kid who just moved into town to get away from his kinda toxic family and has nowhere to go - and also doesnt have a single ounce of experience as a barista

It's not surprising; both Magnus and Maia share similar stories, with some abusive exes to spice up the mix, not to mention racism, biphobia, and, in Magnus case, male behavior standarts keeping most opportunities closed for them. So they're cool with that. Even if it means Magnus will have to be the one to teach him, because 1- Ragnor is a dick and assigned him to be Alec's special "tutor" as retribution for Magnus calling him "an old, heart of butter bastard"; 2- he's the one who's best qualified to teach him since he knows a lot about coffee and coffee making anyway; 3- Maia has no patience

Quick detour just to say that i love the maia/magnus brotp opportunities this gives. While Magnus is more of a coffee scientist as she puts it, Maia has an almost instictive understanding of drink making. Where Magnus is soft, she's fierce, and they make one hell of a team and are good at balancing one another. They bond over their experiences with abuse; while Magnus' has made him afraid to put his foot down and say what he wants and prioritize himself, Maia's has made her particularly wary of people and even less willing to take anyone's bullshit, and both of these coping mechanisms have their own effects on their psyche, and they're able to talk openly to each other about it. Maia is kind of protective of Magnus and vice-versa, though the way they protect each other is very different. They have an easy companionship and bantering dynamic that's easygoing and cute, theyre both passionate about their interests (Maia loves marine biology and even if Magnus doesnt know much about it he loves listening to her talk about it) and just generally have that kind of relationship where just smiling at each other makes a tough day seem lighter. Also Magnus loves making Maia laugh. Maia blatantly refuses to laugh at any of his self-deprecating jokes, tho, which has considerably diminished the amount of times he makes them

Anyway Alec comes in for his first day and Magnus is like [REDACTED] because shit this man is cute. Maia notices immediately and from then on the teasing doesn't stop

He's quick to recover, tho, and suddenly he's all smooth again (Maia says he's perfected his customer service persona to horror movie levels), quick to introduce himself and Maia to Alec and explain that he'll be training Alec for the next few weeks or so. He gives him a tour of the shop, explains the basics, and immediately launches into his slightly extra More Serious Than Strictly Necessary course on the makings and workings of coffee, from bean selection to ideal temperature and the chemistry behind the cooking.

This absolute dork even had a small table with some coffee made from different kinds of beans so Alec could taste them and learn the difference and Engage with the profession or some shit

Maia just rolls her eyes, thankful that she had prior experience before getting this job and didnt have to go through this

The first thing he learns about Alec: Alec doesn't like coffee. This is not a setback. Many people dont like coffee, but that's because they're used to regular powdered coffee instead of making it from the bean. Because the beans in powdered coffee arent previously selected, they are roasted harder than they should, so any beans that might have gone bad wont spoil the taste or make you sick. As a result, the coffee is way too bitter and doesn't have a discernible taste. He explains all of this enthusiastically to a slightly overwhelmed Alec, and gets on to making him try the samples so he can feel the difference.

Here's the second thing he learns about Alec: Alec doesn't feel the difference

Despair. Horror. Offense.

Alec even kind of chuckles and goes "sorry" at the face he makes, and a not-pouting Magnus goes on with the planned explanation on bean selection

Third thing he learns about Alec: he's a quick study. Everything he lacks in sensibility to the amazing world of bean juice, he makes up for in his careful attentiveness to the instructions. He is also a strict recipe-follower and makes sure he always uses the exact amounts required. He's an absolute perfectionist. He listens to Magnus' explanations on how to know if the taste is right, to look for color and texture of the mix. Magnus tries his simple coffees and only needs a few corrections to send him on the right path

The first time Alec makes him something more complicated to try (per his request) Magnus wants to die

It's so good

Scratch that, it's perfect

This soulless motherfucker doesn't even like coffee and this is the single best version of whatever crazy frapuccino shit they're making magnus has ever tried

He kind of bursts from the kitchen (?) all like MAIA YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS just in time to interrupt her chatting with this redhead new customer with shiny eyes. Maia is leaning all the way across the counter. What is this

Maia agrees that it's very good but again he's not as passionate about coffee and Magnus just interrupted what would have been a really smooth number-giving move so she's not feeling all that generous

Alec just laughs at that. His eyes are shining with amusement and he's very, very pleased that Magnus likes his stuff

It's not a big secret, really; mixing drinks is kind of like patisserie in the sense that the measures need to be exact to achieve the best taste and texture. He follows the recipe to a fault, it turns out good. That's why he's better at the more complicated, instagram-y drinks than the simple coffee types

Alec "graduates" his training pretty soon after that and Ragnor is very pleased

He gets along well with both Magnus and Maia, even if he's more quiet and sometimes catches himself just laughing at the two of them interact; their friendship is something else. But he also gets to hear a "shut up" from Maia after not saying absolutely anything when the redhead walks in again the very next day

The redhead always comes in a little late in the morning, so its always slow. As a result, they get to pretend to be minding their own business as they hear the two of them chat and oof is the romantic tension between them something. Maia glares at them once the girl - Clary - leaves every time, but it doesn't stop them

Soon Maia is calling them "no-good gossiping grandmas" because of the way Magnus and Alec will go to the back and pretend to be making something while they keep a whispered running commentary on what the girls are talking about. This quickly turns into some sort of race to see who can make the other break and laugh out loud. Neither of them ever do (they are trying to be discreet and Maia would kill them) but oftentimes they need to cover their mouths with their hands and playfully slap each other for the teasing

Clary doesn't even realize she's the reason; she kind of just thinks they are constantly flirting on the back and briefly wonders how they havent been fired when all they do is whisper and make eyes at each other

Not that she has any room to talk when she's late to work everyday because she keeps cracking jokes with the cute curly haired barista with the most beautiful lopsided smile who always makes her laugh and tells her about her day while she drinks her coffee. She's lucky her work starts at 10 so she can go in a little later and doesnt have to be there during rush hours, but still

She doesnt even like coffee, she walked in one day cuz she was really tired and then just kept coming in the hopes that the barista would make a move on her (shes not gonna do it herself, at least not in her workplace. She doesn't want to make her uncomfortable and it's still unclear whether the girl is flirting or if shes just really nice)

At some point she and Maia even start sharing knowing looks to Alec and Magnus and laughing at them. They don't even notice, because their designated Making Fun Of Maia time turned into just cracking jokes at each other way too quickly. They don't even remember there are other people there

Maia does finally ask clary out eventually. She wasn't exactly nervous about doing it, it's more that she enjoyed their little routine. But enough is enough, and when their routine starts involving Clary giving her a quick kiss before placing her order, well, it just makes it better

Magnus and Alec coo every time

Eventually Maia snaps all like "why are you guys the one poking fun at me when im the one who made a move instead of being a coward"

Magnus is all like "Whatever could she possibly mean??"

It dawns on him when hes closing up the next day and Alec has already left. He has a crush on Alec. Oh god. Oh fuck

Maia helpfully says "idiot" and leaves

Some Magnus being very nervous and overthinking his relationship with Alec who's all like ???????? about this

Alec goes to his sister about his new crush who suddenly started acting weird and izzy is all like "stop trying to guess what he's thinking because you're terrible at this. Just tell them how you feel" and Alec is like okay

He asks Magnus out

Everyone is happy and gay idk the end

✨ feel free to use this and any other one of my posts as a prompt ✨