#still very much care about it. when i lose interest in something i actually forgot to even post about it because i uh don't think about it

[jetii]

Awkward

Pairing: Hunter x fem!Reader

Words: 9,063

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! fluff, squadmates to lovers, some general miscommunication awkwardness, mutual pining, inexperienced!Hunter, first time, smut, nipple play, oral (f and m receiving), face fucking, fingering, so much kissing

Summary: You messed up. After months of hiding your feelings for Hunter, you kiss him to avoid a bad situation, but he doesn't react the way you expect. And he doesn't seem interested in talking about it.

A/N: Thank you @wiltedwillowsvioletsky for the prompt! I can't lie this is one of my favorite tropes. I have another Hunter fic that I'll be posting in a couple weeks, and it's much more serious/angsty so I wanted to make this one fun.

“Physical displays of affection make people uncomfortable,” you say in a rush as if it's a single word, before you lose your nerve.

Hunter stops moving. He’s not even breathing, as far as you can tell. You feel your heart in your throat.

He looks at you, head slightly tilted to the side, like he does when he hears something strange. His eyes search yours for a long moment, his brow furrowed. 

You have no idea what he's thinking, but you plow ahead anyway. There’s no time for anything else. The guards will be on you soon.

You reach out, grab his shoulders and step closer to him. Your body presses against his chest, and his arms come up automatically to encircle your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck.

You close your eyes and lean in, until your lips are almost touching his ear. You whisper, in a tone you hope he recognizes as the warning it is, “Just act natural.”

And then you press your mouth to his.

It’s awkward. 

Painfully, agonizingly awkward.

Your noses are squished together, and he doesn't react. Doesn't even breathe, so far as you can tell. Your heart is in your throat, and you’re trying desperately not to think about what you're doing.

You’re aware that Hunter is warm and firm under your hands. His fingers twitch at your waist and the back of your neck tingles. He’s not moving. He’s not responding. You feel the familiar sensation of dread building in your stomach.

You know better than this.

You are such an idiot.

Finally, you start to pull away, heart in your throat. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. Maybe you should just let the guards shoot you and save you from the humiliation.

As you begin to move, you feel Hunter take a breath. He surges forward and kisses you again, pulling you closer to him. His hands are gripping you firmly, one sliding up to tangle in your hair, the other dropping lower, almost to your ass.

He tilts his head and deepens the kiss.

He still doesn't seem to be breathing, and the kiss is more a series of short, desperate presses of lips and tongue, but it's good. It's great, actually. You’re suddenly very aware of the fact that Hunter has never kissed anyone before, but you’re too dazed by his enthusiasm to care.

His mouth is warm and insistent against yours, and he tastes like the caf you drank at breakfast. His stubble scrapes your chin and his teeth knock against yours, and he seems to be holding his breath the whole time. You can't tell if it's because he's nervous, or because he simply forgot how.

Either way, his grip is firm, and he kisses you as if his life depends on it. In this moment, it very well might.

You realize you're standing on the tips of your toes. You tighten your arms around his neck and lean into him, trying to relieve some of the strain. The hand on your neck slips up, cradling your cheek and the feeling of his gloved fingertips is so good, you have to stifle a whimper.

The kiss goes on forever.

It goes on long enough that you should have heard the guards coming, but you didn't.

Suddenly, Hunter pulls away from you, leaving you dizzy and off-balance. Your arms are still wrapped around his neck. You blink rapidly, trying to get your brain to re-engage.

"You didn't need to do that,” he whispers, his voice hoarse, and a little unsteady.

You look up, and meet his eyes, and you realize how close you are to him. The kiss felt like a lifetime. You were pressed up against him so tightly, his hands on you so possessively, that the absence of him is jarring. You shiver, and he rubs his thumb against the back of your neck.

"It was a good plan," you say, because you have no idea what else to say.

You are suddenly painfully aware of the fact that you're standing in the middle of the hallway with Hunter's arms around you. Your legs feel a little bit like jelly.

You want to lean forward and press your face into the hollow of his throat. You want him to pull you closer, to hold you tighter. You want him to kiss you again. You want him to push you up against the wall and—

Your stomach clenches. Your pulse races. You're pretty sure you've never been so turned on in your life, and that's not a useful thing to think about when you're in the middle of a mission.

“They're not coming," Hunter says, and you know, intellectually, that he is referring to the guards, but your mind is in another place entirely.

You don’t trust yourself to speak, so you just nod.

Hunter stares down at you, his eyes roving over you like he's never seen you before. His cheeks are pink, his hair is mussed, and his lips are swollen and slick. You're having a hard time looking away from his mouth.

The hand on your waist shifts, his thumb starts tracing a soft, slow circle across the exposed skin of your hip. It's barely any pressure at all, but it sends a wave of heat through you. Your heart is pounding, and you know he can hear it.

You can feel the blood rushing through your veins, and all you can think is he can't possibly not know, he's got enhanced senses, he can't possibly not know that I'm crazy about him.

Hunter's face is flushed and he looks as wrecked as you feel.

You wonder if he will ever kiss you again.

You are so close that the thought crosses your mind that you could lean forward and kiss him again, and it would be fine. That's what people do, when they've kissed each other. They kiss again.

You're not sure you can bring yourself to do it. You're not sure he’ll let you. He’s still looking at you like he can't quite believe what just happened, or maybe he can't quite believe what he did.

You wonder if there is a way to ask him, without actually asking him.

You wonder if there's a way to make him want you the way you want him.

You wonder, with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, if you've managed to ruin everything.

"So you think they're gone?" you ask. Your voice sounds normal, somehow, even though you can barely hear over the sound of your heart.

He pauses, like he's forgotten what you're talking about, then says, "They, uh, they turned the corner a minute ago."

"Good," you say, and the two of you stand there in silence.

It would be so easy to reach up and run your fingers through his hair, to pull him down and press your lips to his again. You can't stop thinking about it. Your whole body feels like it's on fire.

Hunter stares down at you, his eyes dark and wide, and you're standing so close together that you can see the flecks of gold in his irises. His face is still flushed, his mouth still slightly open.

If he doesn't kiss you again, you are going to die.

The hand on your waist is warm and heavy, his thumb rubbing slow circles on your skin.

“We should head back to the ship,” he says, but neither of you move.

He leans in a little, and his nose brushes against yours. Your heart is pounding. You feel hot all over.

He hesitates, and you're sure that he's going to kiss you again.

He doesn't.

"I'm going to check the hall," he says, and pulls away from you.

Your body is burning with unspent desire, and your hands are shaking.

He's going to pretend it didn't happen. That's fine. You can do that too. You can absolutely ignore the fact that he just kissed you like he meant it, and you can't stop thinking about it. It's not a problem. You're not going to be awkward around him. It's going to be fine.

Hunter turns the corner. He's gone.

Your hands are still shaking.

"Shit," you whisper.

You lean back against the wall, close your eyes, and try to catch your breath.

It's going to be a long trip home.

It's not going to be weird.

You won't let it be weird.

You keep telling yourself that, over and over, and you hope it will make it true. You’re not going to make it weird. You have to ignore the way Hunter looked at you when you pulled away. You have to forget the way he kissed you, the way his hands felt on your waist, the way he tasted. You have to forget the way he hesitated, and for a moment, you were sure he was going to kiss you again.

This isn’t something you can change. This isn't a mistake you can fix. You've made the best decision you could, and now, you have to live with it. 

You try your best to be normal. You sit next to him in the cockpit. You joke with him and laugh at his stories. You make eye contact, and don't stare at his lips.

You have a hard time keeping your distance. The ship is small, and he's everywhere. When he comes into the room, your whole body responds. It's not a conscious reaction. It's involuntary. So you try your best to limit your time alone with him.

It's fine. You're fine. You're being normal.

Except that Hunter is acting...different.

He watches you constantly, like he's waiting for you to say something. He's jumpy and quiet. He's clearly on edge, and you have no idea why. You've replayed the moment outside the vault a thousand times, and you can't figure out where you went wrong.

You're not sure how to talk about it, so you decide to pretend it didn't happen. That should help, right? If the two of you can ignore the kiss, maybe things will go back to normal.

But Hunter doesn't play along.

He keeps touching you.

The first time it happens, it catches you by surprise. You're on a supply run, and the two of you have stopped at a kiosk in the market. He's talking to the merchant about the supplies you need, and his hand brushes the small of your back, right above the base of your spine.

The gesture is so casual, so familiar, and so unexpected, that you jump. You look at him, and he's still focused on the merchant. You must have imagined it.

It happens again, on the ship, when he reaches over and pats your shoulder, his fingers lingering a little longer than necessary. You stare at him, but he doesn't notice. He's looking at Tech.

"Are you all right?" you ask.

"Fine," he says, and he goes back to his work.

It keeps happening.

Everywhere. On the ship. In the hangar. At the bar. Everywhere.

He touches your hand when he gives you your share of the credits. He puts his hand on your hip to guide you around a group of people. He squeezes your shoulder when he passes behind you. He leans over you in the cockpit, and rests his hand on the back of your seat. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear yesterday, and he nudged your knee with his while the two of you were sitting around the fire pit.

Everywhere. All the time.

The worst part is that it's not even sexual. He touches you the way a partner would. A lover. Like the two of you are comfortable together, and it's driving you insane. You don't understand why he's doing it.

Every touch is like fire on your skin. Every time, you jump, and every time, you look at him, and every time, he's not looking at you. It's infuriating.

Finally, when he grabs your elbow at Cid's, and you whirl around and glare at him, you realize that it is, in fact, intentional.

You grab him by the front of his armor and drag him into the nearest storage closet. You are absolutely done with this.

Hunter follows without protest, and as soon as the door closes behind him, you turn and demand, "What are you doing?"

He looks at you with amusement. He's smiling a little. It makes him look younger, and even more handsome than usual. "Touching you," he says, as if this is obvious.

You stare at him.

"Why?"

"You don't like it?"

"That's not the point!" You can feel the blush creep into your cheeks. "Why are you doing it?"

He leans down, so that his face is very close to yours. "Because I want to."

His voice is low, and a little rough. He's so close, and he's looking at you in that way that makes you weak in the knees. He reaches out, and cups your face with his hands. His thumb traces your lower lip, and it takes all of your self control not to bite it.

"Because," he murmurs, "you're not stopping me."

You can't breathe.

"Hunter," you say, and you don't recognize your own voice.

"Yes?"

"If you're going to kiss me again, I suggest you do it now."

He looks a little surprised, but then he smiles, and ducks his head and does exactly as you ask.

And, stars, the kiss is so good.

He's much more confident now. Hunter's hand is warm and steady on your jaw, and his lips are firm. He kisses you gently, as if he has all the time in the world. His tongue is soft and wet and teasing, and his other hand has settled on the small of your back, his thumb tracing lazy circles over the thin material of your shirt.

Your hands are pressed against the cold, flat plastoid of his armor, but you need to touch him. You slide your palms up his chest, over his shoulders, until you can cup his neck and tangle your fingers in his hair.

You can't tell who moans. Maybe both of you.

His hands slip under your shirt, and his gloves are soft against your bare skin. He pulls you closer, and the kiss deepens, his tongue pressing deeper, his mouth opening wider. You can't stop the whimper that escapes you.

Your back hits the wall, and the kiss changes, becomes hungrier. He's kissing you like he means it, and you're overwhelmed by the smell of him, the feel of him, the taste of him. He's surrounding you. You're drowning in him, and it's not enough. You're not sure it will ever be enough.

You pull away, gasping, and he looks at you, his eyes dark and unfocused.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice hoarse, and his fingers tighten on your skin. "I was going to talk to you about this, but I've never been very good at talking."

You stare at him. You feel a little bit like someone has hit you over the head.

"What?" you manage.

He clears his throat. "I thought I'd give it some time. Wait and see if you brought it up, or if you were going to...do that."

You're having a hard time focusing on what he's saying. He's so close to you, and you can feel his chest rising and falling against yours. His hands are on you. He's got one thigh between your legs.

"Do what?"

Hunter gestures, a little helplessly, towards the storage room door. "That."

You take a deep breath and close your eyes. You have no idea what is going on, but you can't think straight when he's so close.

"What are you talking about?" you ask, and your voice is a lot calmer than you feel.

He pauses, and his fingers are tapping out a nervous rhythm against your hip.

"Are you saying we haven't been flirting?" he asks, and the look on his face is almost comical. He looks so confused, so baffled, and so, so handsome. You've never wanted anyone more.

You have no idea what is going on.

"Flirting?" you echo.

"Or...something," he says, a little more cautiously.

You feel a rush of heat rise in your cheeks. You're suddenly aware that the two of you are still pressed together. His hands are on your skin, his thigh is still between your legs. You let go of him, and press your palms flat against the wall. You need some distance from him.

"You've been flirting with me?"

He frowns.

"I thought I was being pretty obvious," he says, and the confusion on his face is adorable.

"So," you say slowly, "you've been touching me, and following me around, and being..." you trail off, not sure how to describe it.

"Attentive?" he offers.

"No."

"Interested?"

"You haven't been subtle," you say instead.

"And I thought you were responding," he says, and he's looking at you like he can't figure you out, "I could hear your heartbeat. It was always a little fast when I touched you."

You're not sure whether to be annoyed or impressed by his powers of observation.

"Yeah," you say, because it seems like the easiest answer, "I was."

He's looking at you expectantly, and the realization hits you like a ton of bricks.

He has no idea what he's doing.

You're so used to being around the guys and seeing them as men, that you forget sometimes, how little experience they actually have. Hunter is a grown man, with enhanced senses, a lethal skill set, and a very high level of intelligence.

But he is also a clone, who spent his entire life training and fighting. Who spent nearly every shore leave on Kamino, surrounded by brothers. Who, as far as you can tell, has never kissed anyone, and certainly has never had sex.

He has no idea what he's doing.

You sigh, and lean your forehead against his chest.

"You're really bad at this," you say, and your voice is muffled by his armor. “I didn’t think you were bad at anything. Especially this kind of thing."

"I've never had a relationship before," he says. "I've never done anything like this before."

"Well, you're doing a good job of pretending you have," you mutter.

"You think I'm good at it?"

You look up at him, and there's an unmistakable look of satisfaction on his face.

"You're terrible," you tell him. He doesn't seem offended by this, so you add, "But you're lucky you're hot, or I would have left."

His expression turns thoughtful.

"So," he starts. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer. His gaze drops from your eyes, down to your lips, and then lower. He pulls you flush against him, his body warm and solid against yours. Your hands are pressed against his chest, and he leans down, until his mouth is close to your ear.

“Are you going to stop me?"

"No," you say. His answering smile is brilliant, and for a moment, you're afraid you might drown.

"Good," he says, and kisses you again.

The second kiss is even better than the first.

He's not hesitant anymore. He's not careful. He's kissing you like he can't get enough, like he's afraid he'll never kiss you again.

His hands are everywhere, sliding up under your shirt, across the flat of your stomach, over the curve of your waist. His thumbs trace the undersides of your breasts, and his teeth tug at your bottom lip. You gasp, and arch into him.

He presses his lips to your neck, and the sound you make is obscene.

You can't think.

You're not sure why he wants you. You're not sure why he's chosen you. But, stars, you want him.

"Hunter," you say. Your voice sounds ragged and desperate, and he groans and presses his mouth to the hollow of your throat.

"This," he says, and his voice is low, and rough, and it sends a shiver down your spine, "is why I've been touching you."

You laugh, a little unsteadily, and run your fingers through his hair, scratching gently at the base of his skull. His reaction is immediate, his breath catching, his mouth opening wider, his hips rocking against yours.

He kisses you again, his tongue slipping into your mouth, and your thoughts scatter. You can't think, can't breathe.

The third kiss is a long, slow, lazy exploration. You kiss him until your legs are weak, and your head is spinning. You kiss him until your lips are swollen and you're breathless. And then you kiss him some more, because you’re still not ready to stop.

"We should," he says, and then doesn't finish the sentence. It doesn't matter, because you know what he's going to say.

"We should," you agree, and you lean into him and rest your forehead on his chest.

He runs his hand through your hair, and the sensation is pleasant. It's warm and soft and comfortable.

The fourth kiss is gentle, and soft, and you can't help but feel like it's more of a promise than anything else.

The fifth kiss is the one that makes you realize, with absolute certainty, that you're doomed.

Hunter kisses you whenever he can.

You don't even have time to be nervous about it, because he doesn't wait for privacy.

In the hangar, before a mission, he leans over you, and tilts your chin up with his fingers, and presses a kiss to your mouth. It's a soft, quick, brush of his lips, and it's so brief, you're not sure it happened.

At Cid's, in the bar, where everyone can see, he reaches over and touches the back of your hand. His thumb strokes the sensitive skin on the inside of your wrist. He leans in and kisses the corner of your mouth. The gesture is casual, and easy, and no one seems to notice. Or no one seems to care.

He does it in front of the others, and you wonder if this is his way of telling them that he wants you and that he doesn't care if they know. You wonder if he's trying to tell you that he's serious, or if he's simply testing the boundaries of his own attraction. You wish he would just tell you what he's thinking.

But you're not going to complain.

When the two of you are alone on the ship, and there's no chance of being interrupted, he does something a little less casual. He grabs your waist and pushes you against the nearest wall, and kisses you until your toes curl.

Every time, you're not sure it's going to happen. Every time, you're waiting for him to get bored, or annoyed, or change his mind.

Every time, he kisses you like he means it.

Sometimes, when he pulls away, his hands are shaking.

You know how he feels.

Every time he kisses you, it takes you by surprise. You're always caught off guard by the way he looks at you. The way his gaze roves over your face, his eyes dark and intense, his brow furrowed. 

You're always surprised by the way he smiles when he sees you. It's a small, shy smile, but it's full of affection. You're always shocked by the way he touches you. You're not used to being touched, not like this, not casually, and not with the same gentleness that he uses.

You're not used to it.

But you think you could get used to it.

You want to.

This evening the rest of the squad is out, scattering to enjoy the night before the next job. Hunter has asked you to stay behind.

He's told the others that you're both busy.

He's told them that the two of you are planning the next mission.

He hasn't told them that the two of you are spending a rare night alone together, and have every intention of enjoying it.

As soon as the others are gone, the ramp closing behind them, Hunter turns to you.

"We're not planning the mission, are we?" you ask, even though you know the answer.

"No," he says, and steps towards you. "We're not."

His hand comes up, and his fingers are soft as they cup your cheek.

"Good," you reply. "That was a terrible lie."

He laughs, and the sound warms your heart. You're not sure you've ever seen him so relaxed, so happy. He looks younger, less worried, less tense. You're not sure what's changed.

You don't ask.

He doesn't tell.

He’s far too busy pulling you into his lap, and kissing you until your knees are weak.

His hands are everywhere. On your face. Your neck. Your back. Your waist. They're warm, and strong, and possessive, and his lips are firm, and insistent, and soft, and kriff, he's a really, really good kisser. How he went from being bad at this to being so good, so quickly, you have no idea.

This kiss is a little rough, and a little needy. His hands are on your thighs, holding you in place, and his body is pressed against yours. He's not shy about letting you know that he wants you. He's forgone half of his armor today, and you can feel the insistent press of his cock, hard and straining against his pants.

You want nothing more than to wrap your hand around it, and stroke it, and feel him pulse and spill his seed over your fingers. He'd make the most incredible noises, and his face would flush, and he'd look at you with that dazed, overwhelmed expression he gets, and you want him so badly, it almost hurts.

His hips jerk forward, and you moan into his mouth. He breaks away from you, and presses his face into the curve of your neck. He's breathing hard, and his breath is warm on your skin.

"You're really good at this," he says, and you can't help the laughter that bubbles out of you.

"You're terrible," you tease. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because it's true," he murmurs.

You run your hands up his back and scratch lightly at the base of his neck. He shivers, and his fingers tighten on your thighs.

"Good at flirting." He leans in and kisses the hollow of your throat. "Very, very good."

"Stop," you say, laughing, and your face is burning. You're embarrassed by the praise, and the fact that he can feel how warm you are. He can hear your heartbeat. He can probably smell how wet you are.

He chuckles against your skin.

"Why would I do that?" he murmurs. His mouth moves up, and his lips are warm on the underside of your jaw. "I can tell how much you like it."

"Hunter," you hiss. Your voice sounds strained, you almost don't recognize it. He kisses the soft skin just below your ear, his tongue darting out to taste you, and your brain short-circuits.

“I can hear it." There's a note of wonder in his voice, like he's amazed at the way you react to him. "Every time I touch you, your heartbeat gets a little faster."

"You've noticed that?"

"Yeah," he rasps, and the feeling of his voice vibrating through your skin makes you shiver, "I can't concentrate when I hear it. Every time I hear it, all I can think about is kissing you."

"Every time?"

"All the time," he murmurs. He kisses the spot behind your ear, and your toes curl. "You have no idea how distracting it is."

You can't think. All you can do is tilt your head to give him better access. His mouth is hot and wet and he's sucking lightly at the sensitive skin there. You moan softly. His grip on your thighs tightens.

"So," you say, and your voice is unsteady, "what are you going to do about it?"

He pulls away, and his hands slip up, his palms settling on your hips, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass. He looks at you, his gaze traveling over your face, and then dropping lower. You're acutely aware that he's staring at your mouth, and your whole body is buzzing with anticipation.

"Well," he says slowly, and the expression on his face is absolutely sinful, "I was hoping that I could touch you."

You swallow hard. You have to take a few seconds to get your voice working. "Where?" you ask.

He grins, and his eyes sparkle.

"Everywhere."

You nod.

You can feel his body tense, and then he's kissing you again, and you lose track of how many kisses the two of you have shared.

It doesn't matter.

This is the one that's going to ruin you.

This kiss is hard and fast and messy, and his hands are gripping your thighs, his hips are rocking up against yours, and you're grinding on his cock, and it's so good.

His hands slide under your shirt, and his fingertips brush the underside of your breasts. He groans into your mouth, and the sound goes straight to your clit. You grind down on him again, and his hands move up, palming your breasts, and he pinches your nipples between his fingers. The feeling is so sharp and sweet, that you have to pull away from the kiss, gasping for breath.

His mouth is immediately on your neck, his lips warm and wet on your skin. He kisses his way down, across the curve of your shoulder, and bites down on the tender skin of your collarbone. You can feel the sharp edge of his teeth, and it sends a shiver down your spine.

"Fuck," you whisper.

His mouth is still on your skin, but he laughs.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. He runs his tongue over the bite mark. "Did that hurt?"

"Yeah," you say. Your voice is unsteady. "I liked it."

He growls, and his mouth is on yours again. His tongue slips past your lips, and you suck on it, and the sound he makes is so desperate, and so needy, that you have to grind down on his cock again. You can feel him straining against his pants, hard and thick, and you can't wait to get your hands on him.

"Hunter," you manage, and his name comes out like a whine.

"Yes," he says, his mouth pressed against the base of your throat, "anything, just tell me."

"I want to suck your cock."

He freezes.

His entire body goes tense, and he pulls away and stares at you. His eyes go wide, and his lips part. It’s the same look he gave you when you kissed him for the first time, and you can't get over the fact that this, somehow, is more surprising than the kiss.

"Do you want that?" you ask, because maybe he doesn't. Maybe you've read the situation wrong. Maybe you've misjudged his reaction, and now you've made a fool of yourself. You’ve never had anyone turn you down before, but this isn't just anyone. This is Hunter.

He doesn't say anything, but he nods, and the expression on his face is a little dazed, and a lot hungry. His pupils are blown, and his breathing is shallow. He looks wrecked. You've barely touched him, and already, he's a mess.

You've never had anyone look at you like this. It makes you feel powerful and a little bit smug.

"Yes," he says.

"Can I?"

"Yes," he repeats.

He doesn't seem inclined to move, so you slide off his lap, and get to your knees in front of him. When he sees you on the floor, looking up at him, his mouth drops open a little more, and his cock twitches. You can see it straining against his pants.

You want your mouth on him so badly, you're afraid you might pass out. You lick your lips, shifting slightly to ease the ache between your legs. His eyes follow the motion, and he takes a deep breath before reaching for his belt.

He unbuckles it, and pops the button on his pants, and you lean forward, and help him pull them down. His cock springs free, hard and thick and curved, and the tip is already slick and shiny with precome. It’s just as beautiful as the rest of him.

He shifts a little, and you put your hands on his thighs and run the tip of your tongue over the head. The taste is salty and bitter and familiar, and the sound he makes is so needy, you can't help but moan.

"Oh," he says.

He sounds shocked.

"Does that feel good?"

"Yes."

He's looking down at you, his mouth still open, his face flushed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You wrap your hand around his cock, and he inhales sharply.

"Is this okay?" you ask.

"Yeah."

You lean forward, and kiss the head, and he exhales.

"It's good," he says, and the words are strained.

"I'm glad," you say with a smile.

"You're very...considerate," he says. Your smile widens. You have to hide your grin by pressing a kiss to the side of his cock. His hips jerk forward, and the moan he makes is delicious.

"I'm a nice person."

"You are," he agrees. His voice is rough. "You're a very nice person."

His head falls back, his words dissolving into a groan as you take him into your mouth. The noise he makes is so beautiful, you can't help but moan. 

The vibrations must feel good, because his hips jerk, and he makes a choked sound in the back of his throat. The motion forces him deeper, and you have to concentrate to relax, and take him without gagging.

He's thick, and long, and hot, and the way he's trembling and moaning above you makes you feel powerful. It's a little heady, knowing that you're the one who has reduced him to this. You can feel him struggling not to move, and the effort it takes is evident in the way his body is taut, and the tension in his muscles. He's fighting the urge to thrust. 

You're not sure how much longer he'll be able to resist, and you can't wait. 

You want him to let go. You want him to fuck your mouth. You want him to come on your face. You want him to grab your hair, and use your mouth, and fuck you until you're a mess, and he can't hold himself back any longer.

Your hand is still wrapped around the base of his cock, and you take him as deep as you can. The sounds of his pleasure are intoxicating. You can't get enough of them. 

He's breathing heavily, his hands are clenched into fists, and when you pull back, and slide your tongue up the length of his shaft, his hips jerk. You moan again, and he curses and grabs your shoulders. You think he's going to pull you off of him, but instead, he's trying to drag you closer. He's trying to pull you towards him. He's trying to force his cock further into your mouth.

You look up at him, and the expression on his face is desperate, and lost. He's so close. He's barely hanging on. You want him to come. You want him to use you. You want him to give himself to you, and take everything you have to offer.

The hand you have braced on his thigh squeezes as you relax your jaw, and Hunter's eyes shoot open. The expression on his face is somewhere between awe and fear, and his body is tense, like a bowstring, drawn tight and ready to snap.

You squeeze your hand again, and he lets out a harsh breath. One of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head before his hips start to move, and then he's fucking your mouth.

It's rough. It's sloppy. It's perfect. His movements are frantic and uneven, and it's clear that he's not going to last. His grip on your hair tightens, and he fucks your mouth in quick, hard, strokes. It's so good, the feeling of him filling you, his cock sliding in and out, hitting the back of your throat. He's making the most beautiful noises, and you can't believe that you're the one making him sound like this. It's almost too much.

You look up at him through your lashes, and the sight is so overwhelming, that you can't stop the whine that escapes you. A flood of arousal pools between your legs.

His nostrils flare as his eyes flicker down to meet yours. He groans and fucks your mouth harder. You moan and arch into him. You're dripping with need. You can feel your underwear sticking to your cunt, and it's distracting.

"Fuck," he says, his voice hoarse, "are you getting off on this?"

You moan again. You can't help it. It's a reflex.

"Fuck," he hisses again. "Do you like it?"

You moan louder, and his breath catches. His movements stutter, and his grip on your hair tightens.

"You do," he says, and the look on his face is dazed, and disbelieving.

You squeeze his thigh, and he curses. His hand leaves your hair, moving down to wrap around the back of your neck. He pulls you closer, his hips bucking, and he's not pulling away now. He's holding you in place, forcing his cock deeper, and you relax your throat and take him.

"Good girl," he murmurs. The praise hits you like a blow, and you can't help but whine. "Fuck. That's good."

You whimper, and Hunter's hips stutter, and then he's coming. His grip on the back of your neck tightens, and his eyes slam shut. His whole body is tense, his thighs trembling, his cock pulsing as he spills down your throat. It's a lot, you can't swallow fast enough, and it drips out of the corners of your mouth. He's still making these helpless little sounds, and you can't tear your eyes away from him. You want to burn the memory into your brain.

He's beautiful. He's perfect. And you're pretty sure you're going to be ruined for anyone else.

You pull off of him slowly, and his hand drops from the back of your neck. His eyes flutter open to watch you catch the last bit of come on your tongue, and he inhales sharply. The sound is rough and broken, and when you lick your lips, he curses.

You smile at him, and he shakes his head.

"Shit," he breathes.

"How was that?"

"I...you...uh," he trails off, and gestures vaguely. "I can't. Words."

You laugh, and stand up, and press a kiss to the side of his jaw. Hunter turns his head, and kisses you. It's a soft, slow kiss, and you melt into it.

His hands are gentle on your waist, and when the kiss ends, he pulls you close, and holds you tight. He buries his face in the curve of your neck, and sighs.

"You okay?" you ask.

Hunter hums a response, and kisses your neck, and then your jaw, and finally, your mouth. He cups your cheek, and brushes his thumb across your lips, and then kisses you again, and the gentleness of it makes you dizzy. He kisses you until you're breathless, and then pulls away, and rests his forehead against yours.

"What do you need?" he asks. His voice is soft and low, and the concern in his voice makes you flush.

"What do I need?" you repeat. You're not sure what he's asking. You're not sure if he's asking.

"Yeah," he says. "It's only fair."

"You don't have to do anything," you say, a little awkwardly. "I was having a good time."

"I know," he replies, and the smugness in his tone makes you roll your eyes, "but I want to."

"Hunter…" you start, but you're not sure how to finish.

He doesn't seem concerned by this.

"You like being praised," he says. He's looking at you with an expression that's far too serious. You want him to stop. "And you like being held down. Is there anything else?"

"You figured all that out just now?" you ask. Your cheeks are burning. He can't tell what you like. You've barely started. This can't be happening. It has to be a coincidence. You can't be that easy to read. "We've barely done anything."

"I've been paying attention."

"That's..." you trail off. You're not sure what the word is. Embarrassing? Flattering? Surprising?

You keep forgetting how observant he is. It's unnerving, and thrilling, and a little overwhelming. 

"Why?"

He's quiet for a moment.

"Because I care about you," he says finally.

"You do?"

"Yeah," he says. There's no hesitation. No doubt. "I care about you."

"I care about you, too," you say.

"So," he continues, "can I touch you?"

You nod, and Hunter grins, and kisses you again.

"Come here," he says. He stands, tucking himself back into his pants before he takes your hand and leads you over to his bunk. He sits down on the edge and pulls you into his lap, and then his mouth is back on yours. 

The kiss is messy and uncoordinated, his lips soft and insistent, and he tastes like sweat and sex. You're a little dizzy, and the way he's kissing you isn't helping. It's distracting, and overwhelming, and when his fingers brush over the top of your breast, the sensation is so intense that you can't help but grind down on his thigh.

He makes a small, surprised sound, and his hands find your hips. The world blurs for a moment as he turns and presses you into the mattress. He's above you, his body a warm, solid weight, pinning you to the bed. You wrap your legs around his waist, and arch up, and he groans, and bites down on your shoulder.

"Shit," you gasp.

"Sorry," he says. He doesn't sound sorry.

"It's fine," you breathe. His mouth is still on your shoulder, and he sucks on the spot he just bit. You moan, and your head falls back. "Oh."

"Good?"

"Yes," you pant, and his hands slide up under your shirt. His thumbs trace the curves of your breasts, and he pushes the fabric up until he can expose your chest. His gaze drops, and his eyes widen.

"Kriff, you're gorgeous," he murmurs. Hunter braces himself on one hand and traces the swell of your breast with the other. He runs his fingers over the curve of your waist, and then drags his thumb over the underside of your breast. His eyes are fixed on the way your flesh dimples beneath his touch. "How are you so soft?"

He leans down and kisses the top of your breast, and then nuzzles his face between them.

"I want to touch every inch of you," he whispers, and the sensation of his breath on your skin is maddening. His hair tickles your chest as he moves his mouth to the valley between your breasts. "I want to kiss every part of you."

He presses a line of kisses up the slope of your breast, and then his lips close around your nipple, and you gasp. Your back arches, and your hands scrabble for purchase on the blankets. He sucks and scrapes his teeth across the sensitive bud, and then lets go, and moves his mouth to the other side. His fingers toy with the nipple he just abandoned, and you whine. He's being gentle, and slow, and thorough, and you're not sure how much longer you can take it.

"You're sensitive," he says, and he sounds delighted.

"You're taking too long," you manage.

He laughs, and the vibration from his voice, and the warmth of his breath on your skin, makes your toes curl.

"Patience," he says, and then his mouth is on your nipple again, and the sound that escapes you is half laugh, half moan.

He switches back and forth, sucking, licking, and biting. The movements are teasing and deliberate, and by the time he finally pulls away, your skin is red, and sore, and slick.

"Hunter," you whimper. You want more, you need more, and you're not sure how much longer you can last. "Hunter, please."

He doesn't answer, but he sits up and pulls your shirt over your head, and then reaches for the button of your pants. His fingers are steady, and sure, and his expression is intense. He's focused on the task at hand, and the look of concentration on his face is adorable. You want to laugh, but it's cut off by a gasp as he slips his hand beneath your underwear, and runs his fingers along the seam of your cunt.

"Shit," he breathes, and his voice is strained. His eyes are wide and bright, and his face is flushed. His pupils are blown, and his nostrils are flared.

You're not sure why, but the way he's looking at you makes your cheeks burn.

"Sorry," you mutter.

He gives you a startled look, and shakes his head.

"What?" he asks.

"It's embarrassing," you admit. "I'm...it's a lot."

"Embarrassing?"

You shrug, and look away, and then he's cupping your face in his hand, and tilting your head back. His touch is gentle, and the kiss he gives you is tender. It's soft and sweet and slow, and when he breaks the kiss, he leans his forehead against yours.

"Nothing about you is embarrassing," he murmurs.

"You don't have to say that."

"I mean it."

He looks you in the eye, and his expression is so sincere, so earnest, that your heart clenches.

"It's not embarrassing," he says, and there's a finality in his tone, like he's daring you to disagree with him.

"Okay," you reply, a little weakly.

"Okay." He kisses you again, and it's quick, and chaste, and sweet. He presses a line of kisses up your jaw, and then his mouth is on your ear. "Do you know how many times I've thought about this?" he asks.

You shake your head, and he chuckles. His breath is warm against the side of your face, and his lips are soft on your skin. You can't help but squirm.

"A lot," he whispers, and you feel his mouth curve into a smile. "So much."

His fingers are still stroking you, and when they press against your entrance, you whimper. He teases you, his fingers circling your opening, spreading the wetness that's already leaking out of you. It's driving you crazy, and he's not helping.

"Every time you're near me, I want to touch you," he continues. His mouth moves back down your neck, and he presses a kiss to your collarbone. "Every time you get wet, it drives me crazy."

"You can't be serious," you gasp. His fingers are still teasing you, and you want them inside you. "You can't smell that."

He pauses. His mouth is on the swell of your breast, and his tongue is tracing lazy patterns across your skin. He leans back and looks you in the eye.

"Of course I can," he says.

"How is that possible?"

"The same way I can smell everything else," he says, a little absently, and then leans down and runs his tongue across your nipple. You let out a shaky breath, and he glances up at you. "I've had to go jerk off in the 'fresher, just so I can focus."

"You're joking," you say, because there's no way. It can't be true. There's no way he's attracted to you that much. No one has ever been that attracted to you.

"Not joking," he murmurs. He bites down on the underside of your breast, and then his mouth moves down your stomach. His fingers hook into the waistband of your pants, and he tugs them down and throws them to the side along with your soaked underwear. His eyes are on your cunt, and the look on his face is a little awed, a little hungry, and a lot smug.

"Fuck," he breathes, and the tone of his voice makes your pulse jump. He leans forward and runs the tip of his nose over your pubic bone. You can't help but shiver. His breath is warm against your cunt, and his lips brush over your clit as he speaks. "You're so beautiful. So, so beautiful."

He presses a kiss to the top of your mound, and then his tongue is on you. His hands grip the inside of your thighs, pushing them up and apart, and the first lick is firm and confident, and it sends a jolt through your whole body.

"You taste amazing," he whispers.

You laugh, because what the fuck are you supposed to say to that?

He takes it as an invitation.

"So fucking good," he murmurs, and then he's licking you in earnest. He licks up the length of your slit, his tongue dipping inside, and then he drags it across your clit. You let out a strangled cry as he flicks the tip of his tongue against the sensitive bud, and your hands fly up to grab the back of his head.

"Hunter," you say, and it's supposed to come out as a warning, but it's too breathy, and too needy. He hums in response, and the vibrations from the noise make you clench around nothing.

"You're so wet," he murmurs. His breath is hot against your skin, and his voice is hoarse. "So wet, and so soft."

He licks his way back down, and pushes his tongue inside you. You cry out, and the noise is loud and obscene. It echoes in the small room, and you've never been so grateful for Hunter's enhanced senses. He's always seemed to know what to do, and he's not letting you down now. 

He fucks you with his tongue, and it's fast and sloppy, and he's making these needy little noises that send shivers down your spine. His nose grinds into your clit, and his tongue is pressing into the front wall of your cunt, and kriff, the feeling is incredible. It's overwhelming. You can feel the orgasm building, the pressure rising, and it's too much. You can't handle it.

You try to pull away, but his hands tighten on the back of your thighs, and he doesn't let you go. Instead, he doubles down. His tongue speeds up, and the motions are rougher, and more frantic. His teeth graze over your clit, and his lips wrap around the bud, and he sucks, hard. 

Your vision whites out, and you can't hear anything but the rush of blood in your ears. Every muscle in your body locks up, and then your release hits you, and you're lost.

Your back arches off the bed, your fingers tightening in Hunter's hair as you grind down on his mouth. The sound you make is raw, and broken, and you don't recognize your own voice. The pleasure is so intense, it almost hurts. 

A flood of wetness spills out of you, and Hunter moans. The sound is muffled by your cunt, and his mouth is still on you, and you can't stop yourself from moving against him. You keep riding his face, even though the sensation is overwhelming, and your hips stutter as you push against his mouth. 

You're not sure how long it lasts, and when the haze finally lifts, your body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Hunter's lips are still on you. He's still licking and sucking and kissing you, and it's too much.

"Stop," you say, and push his face away.

"Did you...?"

"Yes," you say. Your voice is unsteady. You're a little breathless.

"Are you sure?"

"Very," you reply.

"Oh," he says. He sounds dazed. "That was fast."

"Hunter."

"You were really turned on," he says. His eyes are bright, and he's looking at you like he can't quite believe what just happened. His mouth and chin are soaked with your slick, and the sight of him, flushed and disheveled, sends a rush of heat through your veins. "Was it that good?"

You laugh. You can't help it.

"Yes," you say. "I told you, I was already worked up."

"You really like me that much?"

You roll your eyes.

"Yeah, I do," you say. "Now you're just fishing for compliments."

"Maybe," he replies. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, and when it lowers, he's smiling. His eyes are sparkling, and the expression on his face makes you ache. "It's nice to be wanted."

"Get up here and kiss me," you say, and reach for him. The kiss is deep and slow, and it's a little sloppy. The taste of him mixed with the taste of yourself makes your toes curl. 

"But I also want to know what I did right for next time," he says as you break apart.

"Next time?"

"Yeah," he murmurs. He rolls over and pulls you on top of him. "Next time."

"You're very confident," you tease. You prop yourself up on his chest and smile down at him. His eyes are closed, and the look on his face is serene. He's happy. You did that.

"I am," he says. He cracks open an eye. "Was I wrong?"

"No."

"Good," he says. He reaches up and brushes a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "I meant what I said before. I like you."

"You're such a sap," you say. Your cheeks are burning, and your chest feels tight.

"Don't tell the others," he says. His voice is solemn. "I have a reputation to uphold."

"What do I get in return?"

"Hmmm," he murmurs. The sound is a little thoughtful, a little smug. He slides his hands down and palms your ass. "I can think of a few things."

"You have a deal," you say. You lean down and kiss him again. You're not sure how much longer you'll get to spend like this. You'll take every second you can get.

He rolls over and pins you to the bed, and when he kisses you, you lose track of how many times his mouth touches yours.

It doesn't matter.

This one is just the beginning.

Taglist: @covert1ntrovert @bruh-myguy-what @baddest-batchers @spicy-clones @qvnthesia

@arctrooper69 @heidnspeak @kindalonleystars @totallyunidentified @cw80831

@lovelytech9902 @etod @lordofthenerds97 @umekohiganbana @chocolatewastelandtriumph

[sethdomain]

the narrative that c!tommy used c!techno is kind of diabolical tbh, people often forgot that c!tommy is fresh out of exile and doesn't consider the place that he's in.

He's running on pure instinct, fresh from suicide attempt and running from his abuser and the only one he can confide in is c!techno the criminal that destroyed his home country. Despite their history c!techno still took him in, but why? He could of just kick c!tommy from his house and let him run lose in the tundra of snow and let him survive on his own while c!drm sniff over his trails of footstep. But he took him in and protect him from the looming threat of his abuser.

And its sad, its very sad that even if c!Techno took c!Tommy in he used it as an opportunity. An opportunity to use c!Tommy as a pawn in his quest for anarchy. Now, you might be thinking, but c!techno took him in, take care of him and even defended c!tommy ,why are you painting him as this heartless villain that used an abused child for his own gains? Frankly, I try not to and maybe its also in the way i'am awful with articulating my words into something that make sense. I truly do not think c!Techno is heartless and his relationship with c!tommy does have a sincerity in it.

But I think my main point is that, there was a power imbalance between c!tommy and c!techno that people often overlooked. Like I said c!Tommy is fresh out of exile n traumatized n stuff and he's in a weaker position and his only hope in escaping his abuser is c!Techno since he is the only character thats is deadass near logstedshire and also one of the most powerful people in the esempi.

And also I just do not think painting an abuse survivor trying to find help as an act of... That, is a nice message you know 😁 haha- not to get real and get to the implication of stuff- but ahahaha, yk haha. ANYWAY.

I don't think c!techno is a heartless monster, like I said i think his relationship with c!tommy has sincerity within it. I think as time goes on, i think techno grew actual care toward tommy evidence by his interaction with tommy as time goes on growing more closer and affectionate and his strong reaction when tommy left him for tubbo.

But still, c!Techno treats tommy more of a pawn in his quest for anarchy, you also have to remember that he will send off c!tommy to his abuser again without a second though if c!drm used his favor. Of course, if you were in c!tommy place, why would you stay with a guy like that? He goes againts everything you stand for and you don't even know if you're safe with him. Maybe because he saved your life? Do you really owe him that much that you are willing to destroy your home and even fight your own best friend for him? Was it all transitional? Do I worth anything? Do I not matter as a living breathing human being? Am I not worth of safety?

I just wanna talk about my feeling about c!tommy and c!techno relationship in post-exile arc, because i think i find the narrative a bit icky if you are maybe a survivor of abusive relationship. I also wanna talk about the interesting bit of sincerity their relationship actually kind of have, that despite c!techno using c!tommy as pawn he does actually cares in the very end. Which is sad to think about

[wolfiesmoon]

Dark chocolate

Reo x fem!reader

He could have anything he ever wanted, but the one thing he can't buy with money is your heart (can you tell this is yet another nerd girl x popular boy nuisances to mutual crush fic)

HAhah my blue lock debut🥳🥳🥳i'm making back to back fandom debuts

@noomon since you asked to be tagged (* ´ ▽ ` *)

It almost feels like he gets a new confession every day. It's safe to say he is very popular with the girls at this school. Even if it is for mostly shallow reasons.

Day after day, he receives a letter in his locker, asking him to meet behind the gym or something like that.

But the thing is, he isn't interested in any of these people. So he doesn't even give them the time of day.

The only one he's interested in is you, a girl in his class. But what is he to do when you never give him the time of day?

To you, Reo is a massive nuisance. You have no idea what made him like you and you don't care. Because the last thing you want is a stuck up rich boy as your boyfriend.

You came to this school to study and nothing more. You're not here to date or whatever else school isn't meant for.

(One exception is your singular friend.)

But no matter what, he never seems to give up on chasing after you. Even though there are far more beautiful and willing girls for him to date.

"Girl, just give him a chance. He's only got eyes for you." your friend nudged you as the two of you were eating lunch.

"And give in to him? Are you crazy?" you said with a straight face, continuing to eat.

"Oh, sorry. I only forgot that I'm friends with the most petty stubborn person in the world." your friend rolled her eyes, not understanding why you keep on rejecting Reo. He's rich, he's popular, so what's the hold up?

"Seriously, you're not 'giving in' to anything if you accept his confession."

"But I am losing my pride and my dignity. By the way, your food's getting cold." you replied simply, already getting a bit annoyed that your friend won't shut up about him.

"Girl, I lose hope in your romantic future every day."

"Good."

.

"Hi." he greets you at the school gate, as he does every day. And you ignore him, as you do every day.

"It's rude to ignore someone, you know that?" he joined you by your side and you just subtly rolled your eyes. You don't have time for this today, you have an early library study session to be getting to.

"My answer is no." you crossed your arms.

"I didn't even say anything, though." he gave you that stupid wide smile that you hate looking at so much. It's annoying how... uhh, above average his looks are.

"Would it kill you to stop bothering me?" you finally asked what you've been wanting to for the past few months. You have no idea how it took you so long to be harsh and honest about your feelings.

"What? I'm not bothering you." you had no idea if he was actually this dense or just pretending to be. You don't know him all too well, after all. But considering the fact that he's a student at this prestigious prep school, you think it's the second one. Unless his parents bribed the school to let him in.

"Seriously? Just leave me alone. I am not interested." it kind of felt good to admit that out loud. Directly, with no sweetened phrases to lessen the blow.

He looked away for a second. "Sorry, it's not that easy."

You looked puzzled. His tone didn't suggest arrogance or smugness. It was a quieter and thoughtful tone, something that doesn't seem fit for a stuck up rich boy.

How... strange. No, wait, what do you care?!

"You're... different. Unlike any other girl in this school." the strange tone still remained.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." you sped up your steps, leaving him behind. You missed the worried look that crossed his face for a moment. To you, those words must have seemed like empty flirty comments.

But he meant it. You're a challenge to win over. To win over. Not take. You're the one girl in this school who won't just throw herself at him and somehow, that made him fall for you beyond belief.

Seeing as all you do is study and occasionally share a few words with your friend, he had a feeling boys weren't a priority for you from the very beginning.

But he'll make one boy a priority for you. Himself, of course. And he'll go through any means to achieve that goal.

.

"Girl, valentine's day is almost here!" your friend shook your shoulders, taking your attention from the notebook you were dutifully reading.

"So?"

"So, I am TOTALLY making chocolates for my crush and you should join me." she shook you again, making you furrow your brows in annoyance.

"Why? I have no one to give chocolate to."

Your friend smirked.

"No. No, absolutely not." you immediately shot her down, already knowing who she was talking about.

"Oh come on, you can still spend ungodly amounts of time studying while having a boyfriend. A hot rich boyfriend, at that." you weren't sure if she was doing this out of free will or if Reo was bribing her with copious amounts of money to get her to say this.

You sighed. You had a feeling your friend was going to be extra stubborn about this for the entire week leading up to valentine's day if you said no right now.

Your best choice was to resign to her and make chocolate for Reo.

And besides, you can just leave the chocolate on his desk anonymously if you come to school early. They don't mean anything to you, anyways.

"...Fine. But don't get any ideas, I'm only doing this because you would annoy me if I didn't." you raised the notebook back up, indicating the end of the conversation. You watched your friend jump with glee out of the corner of your eye.

.

"You should totally make dark chocolate for him." your friend suggested out of the blue as you were collecting the stuff you need to make chocolate.

"What does it matter?" you sighed, wondering what stupid reason your friend had this time.

"Dark chocolate seems more luxurious, don't you think? And besides, I heard that Reo isn't big into sweets. I'm sure he'd enjoy something healthier." she reasoned, seeming proud.

You pulled out your phone. "Hey, what are you looking at your phone for?!" your friend asked, offended that you aren't looking for the perfect meltable chocolate with her.

"Oh, nothing, just looking up the most sugary kind of chocolate." you shrugged.

"Damn, you're evil. Mikage-san's fallen for a baaaad one." your friend hit you lightly, feeling a little bad for Reo.

You looked at the meltable white chocolate on the store shelf, then at the meltable dark chocolate right next to it. You have no idea what possesed you in that moment, but your hand instantly reached for the dark chocolate.

You had to ignore your friend's smirking throughout the rest of the shopping trip.

.

"There! Ahh, these look so cute! All those tutorials helped out A LOT! My crush will totally fall for me after eating these!" your friend kept on gushing at the chocolates the two of you made.

"Mine are very sloppy." it was just a simple observation on your end, but to your friend it must have sounded like a discouraged comment.

"It's okay, girl! I'm sure he'll love them regardless of how they look!" she hugged you, patting your back encouragingly. Sadly, you don't have the heart to tell her that you'll just drop them off anonymously without a care in the world.

But, somehow... that seems wrong to you. Should you do that?

Dammit, this is all messing with your head. Who cares about Reo?! You're just doing this to appease your friend, nothing more.

.

"So, the day is finally here, huh?" your friend surprised you from behind just as you were about to leave the chocolate on Reo's desk.

"W-What are you doing here so early?" you quickly hid away the little box of chocolates, trying your best to act normally.

"Oooh, are we nervous?" your friend smirked.

"Speak for yourself. And answer my question while you're at it." you retorted, clearing your throat. That was far too close. But, how are you going to get rid of this chocolate without giving it to Reo directly and convincing your friend you did all at the same time?

Maybe you should just give up and do it. But your pride just won't let it happen. Not like this...

Later that day, you walked past Reo as he was receiving chocolates from two other girls. However, his eyes were on you the entire time. He seemed to be looking at you with expectation and you grit your teeth at the fact that he is, in fact, correct in expecting a valentine's gift from you.

As you turned the corner, your friend was waiting for you behind it. "What are you waiting for, girl? He's all alone now."

The girls that gave him the gifts seem to have already left. Oh no, this isn't good at all.

"Listen, I-"

"Oh hell no, you are not running away this time. Now go out there and make things happen!" your friend pushed you out from behind the corner, with you almost bumping into Reo.

"Hi!" he greeted you, a little more cheerfully than usual.

"Hello." you forced a smile. You silently took out the chocolate and handed it to him. You watched his eyes travel down to the chocolate and then widen.

"Wait... for me? Seriously?" He took the chocolate out of your hands, smiling happily. His cheeks seemed to be turning a pretty shade of pink, too.

His face isn't half bad when it looks like that, you must admit. Though, that doesn't mean anything. Reo's just handsome in general, that face is meaningless to you.

"Don't get any ideas. I'm only doing this out of obligation." you ignored the daggers being shot at you from behind. You can already imagine the earful you'll get from your friend.

"That just means I'll have to try harder, though." he gave you a big, wide smile. The kind that you've never seen on a guy in real life before. But to be fair, you don't look at guys all that much.

Still... Why is your heart beating so fast right now?

oh my god this turned into a whole essay LMAOOO

[theamityelf]

Who all has who in the mini thh au

Great question!

Hajime- Kyoko

Both forgot their talents, both kind of on the abrasive side. Kyoko will be frequently sneaking out to investigate stuff on her own, which stresses Hajime out because he gets in trouble if he loses her. Built-in conflict.

Nagito- Makoto

Lucky students, and I love imagining the drama of Makoto necessarily being present for everything Nagito gets up to and trying to stop him and maybe succeeding in talking him down from some stuff. And just the idea of Nagito talking while they're in the cabin together each night, saying his usual weird stuff about talent and hope to Makoto while Makoto is all the way in his terrarium and so he can't reply loudly enough for Nagito to hear. So maybe instead he breaks something, just to make enough noise to interrupt. Honestly, there would just be so much going on with them.

Chiaki- Celeste

The gamers, lol. Chiaki would do her best to indulge Celeste's vibe, and I think that could be very fun, because she really does not know how. They reach a point of common ground when Chiaki starts making bets with Celeste about the outcome of her video games, and getting the other senpais and kouhais in on it.

Teruteru- Yasuhiro

This matchup was by default, but Hiro not liking smoke does add some tension.

Imposter- Junko

Imposter and fashionista are super compatible talents, and imposter and analyst are super compatible talents. Both of them read people and put on personas. They would see right through each other.

Mahiru- Hifumi

Both have visual art talents, and Mahiru would whip him into shape.

Peko- Mukuro

The loyal warriors. Very similar vibe. They would be very polite and impersonal to each other. Protecting Mukuro is secondary to protecting Fuyuhiko, of course, but having to care someone so similar to herself, but tiny and powerless, might be a very moving experience for Peko.

Hiyoko- Sakura

Both masters of a particular physical art form. Sakura's steady presence, both respectful and demanding of respect, would be a good influence on Hiyoko. Oh, she would still be super rude, but her interactions would shape up differently and she'd eat a more balanced diet, lol.

Ibuki- Sayaka

Musicians. Sayaka, being more on the calculated side, would be interesting to have as the person whispering in Ibuki's ear. She might try to convince Ibuki to do something she wouldn't normally do. It most likely wouldn't work; Ibuki is very independent. But Sayaka is pretty resourceful, and as a side note, one might think about the despair disease...

Mikan- Kiyotaka

This one was also kind of by default, once the more obvious ones were sorted away. Personality-wise, his bold presence contrasts with her more meek disposition, and she would be really proud of that. Taka argues with bullies! He cares about making sure everyone behaves. She loves him. She loves that someone so principled depends on her. Also, important note: When murders happen on the island, usually the kouhais are left alive. (Though murdering specifically the kouhai so that the senpai gets killed as punishment for losing them is also potentially a thing. Most people would consider it too low a blow to murder someone who's four inches tall, but still. Worth considering. The kouhais' role in this adds a new dimension to the kinds of murders that can happen.) When a murderer is executed, their kouhai is also left alive. Mikan always volunteers to take in the unattended kouhai, because she just really likes this dynamic. (If the Undead AU is Nagito's best timeline, this genuinely might be Mikan's, lol.)

Nekomaru- Leon

Because sports. I could have had Akane and Nekomaru trade, but this was the alignment I chose. (Anyway, if one of them dies, the other will take care of their kouhai, so there's a good chance Akane will have Leon later on.) Nekomaru is a good enough coach to make Leon actually enjoy practicing baseball. Just, you know, tiny baseball. Or, he's a good enough coach to identify what Leon likes and dislikes about baseball and direct him to excel in a way that emphasizes the aspects he likes.

Gundham- Toko

Another "by default" one, where breeding animals and writing romance novels are kind of close if you squint. The idea of Toko being in the care of someone like Gundham is actually super heartwarming; he would make sure she has everything she needs, he would tolerate any lashing out on her part in the same way he does the bites of his Four Dark Devas of Destruction. Toko would be very unused to being so cared for and accommodated that way. If Gundham dies, Sonia will take Toko. Which...would be interesting in a lot of ways, starting with Sonia's enthusiastic interest in serial killers and Toko's romantic obsession with Sonia's assigned kouhai.

Fuyuhiko- Mondo

Both gangsters with a need to present as strong. Fuyuhiko takes it farther than Mondo does (to the point where Mondo is often protesting the things Fuyuhiko says), and they butt heads a lot, but they also have each other's backs.

Kazuichi- Chihiro

Both STEM. I feel like Chihiro would be constantly blushing about everything Kazuichi says and does, and they would also be fascinated by his work. I think it would change his whole deal for the better, if he had the constant company of someone like Chihiro. I think he would be less comfortable openly bugging Sonia if there was an underclassman sitting in the fold of his beanie.

Akane- Aoi

Athletes. Their personalities would go really well together, and Akane would be so serious about making sure Hina is okay, getting enough exercise, eating enough food, etc. It's like she has a new little sibling. Like I've mentioned, she would get a fishbowl from the market so Hina can swim when they're in the cabin. (When Hina has trouble scaling the side of the fishbowl to get in, she would teach her a few parkour tricks.) She would take her to Mikan every time she hurts herself exercising.

Sonia- Byakuya

Heirs. And it's really funny to imagine Byakuya being his cold-blooded self while he's sitting on the shoulder of someone really nice. I also like imagining Sonia trying to make a luxurious enough living space for him. Using her own jewelry to decorate, a silk scarf for bedsheets, etc. She's very proud of her handiwork.

[mimimui]

hii !!! love your works <3 can you do jing yuan and buko pie ? (i actually had that for dessert today hehe) THANKS !!!

headaches (and heartaches, but he won't admit it) (honkai star rail)

student council president!(character/s) & troublemaker!reader

includes: jing yuan

tags: mi's 1k, modern au, secret pining, endearments (used by reader), not proofread

a/n: i'm writing again aaa it's been one heck of a month... so much has happened and now i'm opening up tumblr again! i am still going to be writing for my 1k because i owe u guys one .. enjoy !

jing yuan was always level-headed, that's why he's such a good student council president. but he loses his cool whenever he's around a certain student.

"pres! good morning," you greet, running up to jing yuan who was also walking to school. he nodded his head in acknowledgement before looking you up and down.

"you're not wearing our uniform correctly." of course, as the president, he has to make sure all the students follow the rules. the dresscode is a very simple one, yet it's always your problem.

your polo was always untucked in some way, your shoes barely make it into the accepted type, you never wore your school id, and your hair wasn't as neat as it was supposed to be.

other students seeing you stand next to jing yuan was... something. there was a very clear difference in your uniform and overall attitude. "(y/n) can never stay still," he says about you.

"so... nothing new," you hum, your smile never leaving your face as you continue walking beside him. you chat his ear off with mundane topics like the weather, but he isn't paying attention.

he would—could—never admit that he's slightly interested in you. no matter how many times he scolds you, you will never change the way you act.

though he'd much rather have all the students follow the rules, there will really be people that don't. he can't help it, he thinks, since there are a lot that don't care for the rules.

"you're not wearing your blazer today," he says politely, but it elicits a big reaction from you. you curse yourself internally, mumbling a few words under your breath.

"that's what i forgot this morning..."

"you could wear our entire uniform wrong, but berate yourself for forgetting the blazer?" jing yuan chuckles, which you take as an insult.

"i'll have you know-" you got cut off when he drapes his own blazer around your shoulder, making sure it's resting snuggly on your shoulders. he continues on like nothing happened.

"...that it's cold in my classroom. what are you doing?" you ask, confused. that doesn't mean you give him back his blazer, no, you welcome it with open arms. but it's not bad to be curious.

"i'll see you later, (y/n)." he smiles sweetly, giving you a small wave before going inside the school. you stood at the gates, left to think about his actions.

"you're weird, jing yuan..." you mumble, adjusting the blazer with his name neatly embroidered on the heart.

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[nocturnalghoul]

I need words, use your words

I had this thought about Mountain dealing with Aether leaving while driving to work yesterday and quickly wrote the entire outline out before I forgot then wrote it on break :)

Summary: Mountain also has his own emotions about Aether leaving and the fact that he didn't tell him ahead of time. Sure Aether considered Dew's feelings but not his and Mountain looses his cool for a bit. AKA, I once again am on my "yeah Dew and Aether are close cause of their extended past, but Mountain was there too y'all." bullshit

Words: 1553

Hurt/comfort, no warnings

Read below the cut or on AO3 here if you prefer that

Mountain sits calmly as Aether stands giving the announcement that he will no longer be touring to the entire pack. From his position leaned against the back of the couch he can see that nobody looks completely surprised, suspicions and rumors already having traveled through the grapevine. 

Still, everyone expresses sentiments of how much they will miss his presence on tour, and promises to find time to spend alone with the quintessence ghoul before everyone else heads out. 

Mountain plays his part in the moment, but deep down he is pissed. That particular sentiment can wait for a less public occasion he decides, and slinks off back to the greenhouse.

He spends the remainder of the day trapped in his own mind, planning to talk to the quintessence ghoul later that night when the two of them can speak privately in Aether’s room. 

Dinner seems to last forever. Mountain casts occasional glances towards Aether in between talking to Cirrus and Cumulus about something the two ghoulettes seem very excited about, but he doesn’t quite understand. Either way it’s a nice distraction, and the joy on their faces when he indulges their interests is always rewarding on its own. 

Each time he looks over at Aether he can’t help but notice the deafening silence coming from Dew next to him. Aether does his best to engage him in conversation or at the very least entwine their tails but to no avail. At least he knows Dew is currently pissed enough that he will have the quintessence ghoul to himself tonight. 

Eventually all the other ghouls settle into their various plans for the night and Mountain is free to make his way to Aether’s room. 

He takes one final deep breath before knocking firmly on the door with the special knock the two had developed. He hears a cheerful “Come on in Mount” from Aether and opens the door with more force than necessary, stepping through the entryway before closing it again with a loud click and making sure to engage the lock. 

Aether’s face is open and joyful at first, however Mountain watches the way it falls once the other ghoul takes in the aggravated handling of the door and the earth ghoul’s sour expression. Worry begins to knit on Aether’s brow as Mountain lets the previously masked smell of his irritation, like rotten wood and sulfur, permeate into the air within the small room.

“We need to talk, Aether” Mountain states plainly, moving to sit on the end of Aether’s bed not waiting for any further invitation. 

He vaguely is aware of the way the bottoms of his pants flake mud onto the bedspread but can’t be bothered to care. 

“Listen, I know Dew has to be upset but I told him in advance so he would have extra time to process it all.” Aether starts defensively, guiltily avoiding eye contact with the angry ghoul. There is genuine remorse on his face, however it only serves to make Mountain even more irritated. 

“This isn’t about him, Aeth.” he retorts, voice steely.

Aether glances up at him in shock and the two simply stare at each other for a long moment. Mountain sees the violet shade of the quintessence ghoul’s eyes darken slightly as he fully realizes why Mountain is actually here. 

“I- Oh… Mountain I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that-”

“That’s exactly the problem, you never fucking do!” Mountain interrupts, momentarily losing his hard fought composure. He sees the soft buds of butterfly weed fall from where they have manifested throughout his hair. 

He forces himself to take a deep breath as he takes in the way Aether is sat across from him in stunned silence, allowing him the space to speak his mind. 

“I get it, you and Dew are close. You are both there together at the front of the stage on tour while I’m stuck in the back. You were there to directly heal him and pump him full of quintessence after his transition, meanwhile I could only support him emotionally and keep sentinel.” 

Mountain can see the way that Aether wants to interrupt and tell him he is important to the both of them too but holds up a finger to stop him. 

“You two have been through so much together, but both seem to forget that I was there for all of it as well. Dew will still have Rain up front with him, he will have Cirrus to bitch with on the bus, me to climb into bed with whenever the nightmares feel too real and only somebody who was there will calm him down. Dew will be more than fine.” 

Mountain holds that same finger up again and forces himself to breathe as he scrunches his eyes closed so tight momentarily it takes a second for everything to come back into focus when he opens them again. The tears beginning to well up in his eyes likely do not help that fact, but Mountain is set to ignore them as long as he can. 

“The issue is with us, Aether. In fact, fuck here I said it wasn’t about Dew and yet I still am here fretting about him. Once again I shove my own feelings aside for you two’s various bullshit. He is so much stronger than either of us give him credit for, meanwhile I feel like I’m crumbling to dust.” Mountain half shouts before leaning forward to bury his head in his hands. 

He feels Aether reach out to grab his leg, squeezing comfortingly and letting out a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ahead of time.” Aether finally mutters out, voice lightly laced with shame and the barest hint of embarrassment that nobody but Mountain or Dew would likely pick up on. 

“You didn’t tell me at all really. I found out from Rain. I’ve been waiting for the entire last week to see if you would tell me yourself and only finding out when you told everyone as if we all didn’t know already felt disrespectful.” Mountain spits out, not quite done being angry yet. 

Aether shoots him a mournful look. “I don’t know what you want from me, Evergreen” 

Mountain fully breaks down at the use of the pet name only him and Dew use, tears falling rapidly as his body is wracked with sobs. 

“I don’t want anything from you, I’m just fucking hurt. I am sick and tired of feeling like an afterthought.” he manages to choke out before shifting to collapse fully into Aether’s already open arms. 

The quintessence ghoul pulls him into a crushing hug, leaving him feeling so small and delicate in his strong grip. The two sit there like that for a while, the only sound sneaking through past Mountain’s wailing the occasional tick from the clock across the room. 

After several minutes Mountain’s breathing finally levels out and Aether slightly loosens his grip for the first time in order to unhook his chin from the earth ghoul’s shoulder and look him in the eye. “I love you so much, Evergreen, just as much as I love Dew. Please know this.” he whispers, trying not to break the first moment of calm since Mountain walked in. 

Mountain shrugs off Aether’s arms and retreats back to his original spot across from him, brushing the small flecks of dirt he left behind earlier off the bed. 

“It doesn’t feel like it sometimes. I realistically know that you, as well as Dew and the rest of the pack love me, but I feel like you never say it first Aether. It’s like you only ever say it back to me.” Mountain admits, picking out the small purple hyacinths spread throughout his hair now. 

He catches a glimpse of Aether’s face and it's clear he recognizes the sudden interest in the flowers for the avoidance tactic it is but lets it slide. 

Once all the flowers are gone he looks back up at the quintessence ghoul and finds him staring, waiting patiently for Mountain to be ready to continue. There is a spark in his eye that Mountain knows means he has thought up an idea he is proud of.

Aether invites Mountain to stay the remainder of the night with him, giving the two of them a chance to simply exist in one another's close company, but also hints that he will make plans for tomorrow. 

The two of them agree that after chores tomorrow, Aether would meet Mountain at the main greenhouse and whisk him away to plan out a night for just the two of them. 

Mountain feels a small amount of the negativity he had been carrying around all week chip and crumble away at the suggestion. 

“I’m still hurt, however I’ll gladly take the olive branch you are extending, Starlight” he concedes. 

Mountain watches as Aether’s posture straightens momentarily with excitement as he picks the small crop of olives that manifested at the base of Mountain’s horns out and places them on the nightstand with a light chuckle. 

The two spend the remainder of the evening curled up chatting, not a singular care about anything outside of those four walls. The issue at hand could never be resolved so simply, but both would agree that it is an enjoyable start. 

[cursedvibes]

So now it's confirmed that kenjaku/takaba is canon-ish, right.....

Weeeell, we do know that they care about each other at least. Takaba found in Kenjaku the only real partner he ever had and they gave him the show of his lifetime and affirmed him in his passion (telling him he's funny). And despite earlier protest Kenjaku has come around to openly saying Takaba has provided them one of the best times in their long life and they are glad they got to meet him before they died. So there is some affection there. Unfortunately, we will never know what it could've developed into. But Takaba sure rocked Kenjaku's world.

I'm really curious how Takaba will react when he wakes up and finds out about what happened. He has spend over 20 years trying to find a partner to do comedy with and right when he found one, he loses them forever. But maybe his thirst for comedy was satiated by that one show with Kenjaku (even though he wanted it to never end) and now he will move on to something else. Honestly, I can't really see that though. Even if an artist makes a masterpiece, they usually don't just hang up their job afterwards. It seems like he wasn't aware of what Angel, Yuuta and the others were planning to do or there would've been no need for him to try and change Kenjaku's mind about the merger. This new development must come as a bit of a shock, even if he had some suspicions this is what their mission could lead to.

Either way, doesn't seem like any of this affected Kenjaku's opinion on him, they don't seem to see this as a betrayal, which I find very interesting. They accepted pretty quickly what happened and then resign themselves to death after ensuring Tengen is taken care of. No hate for anyone or throwing a tantrum at being defeated. I really like that. Kenjaku realized that getting lost in the comedy show with Takaba opened them up for an attack, but instead of blaming Takaba or jumping back to denial of their feelings, they actually become more open about them. I wish we could've seen the long-term affects of this character development. I hope we at least get more insight into how this encounter has affected Takaba and how he will move on. I want to hear more about his feelings on the matter as well. I would hate if he just forgot about it. Maybe there could even arise a little bit of conflict from it and we get a closure on their relationship from both sides.

Anyway, I really like the depth this little fight has brought to both of their characters. Kenjaku becomes a more fleshed out and multi-dimensional villain by showing that they are able to care for others (even if that was already clear with Tengen and Yuuji) while still committing horrible acts, and Takaba has become much more than a comedic sidekick whose technique conveniently helps the protagonists.

[redjaybathood]

привіт!!

were you the one that mentioned the solar machine? i know i saw it mentioned on my dash a few days ago and meant to ask this but completely forgot until now. i wanted to ask if you could share what the book is about because it seemed really interesting based on the title! i was trying to find some info on it on my own but had trouble since my ukrainian is still pretty basic and there wasn't much available in english. eventually i would like to try reading it along with more ukrainian literature :)

i hope you have a good day, and слава україні!

Haha I sincerely don't recommend starting with it when you start with Ukrainian literature. Stylistically it's a very heavy-worded book, Vynnychecnko himself wrote that he kinda shoulda worked on editing it for a few years before publishing. But, him being in exile, and I guess there are not a lot of job opportunities for a former head of the Ukrainian government.

I would describe it as a book that would be perfect for an anime adaptation. It also has a Chinese web novel about the revenge of a rich girl turned destitute vibe (not entirely, because there's a whole lot more to it, and Elisa doesn't really take that much screen time! but if I were to adapt it, she would be in the core cast)

Plot in short: Germany lost the WWI, now aristocracy is irrelevant and capitalists - bankers, factory owners etc - are taking over becoming essentially the new aristocracy. Which, people still being people and power being attractive, that doesn't make Germany any better off.

An old aristocrat loses everything on the stock market. Out of honor, he just kills himself and his elder son, masking it as a tragic accident, because god forbid someone finds out he treated the stock market as a casino, and now the only thing that is staying before the public finds out that he's broke, all his property taken away etc etc - is an arranged marriage of the head banker with his daughter. So yeah, at least he didn't sell off his kid and just went away and died.

So now princess Elisa has to take revenge.

That's the Chinese web novel vibe. It also comes through the romance subplot, the love interest of the "perceived as useless and ugly by the people in power but actually really handsome and capable. And also of how the novel consent between MC and ML. The dubcon vibes (as the inciting incident of them getting together).

And the anime vibe starts with the, you know, actual Solar Machine subplot. The sci-fi part of it - except for the social fantasy - doesn't really start up until, I think it was halfway through the text? I didn't care about it as much as the whole Inarak subplot. I don't think he really thought it through enough. Thus the debate, is it utopia or anti-utopia? I would argue the former, or rather, it progresses from anti-utopia to utopia.

(also, you need to be aware that it is written in the early XX century; for example, he rightfully calls out racism via the duke's description of people and MC's reaction to it, all the while not breaking the character of the MC, bc she's coming from the same background. At the same time, in narration, he's constantly giving men "women traits": ass, lips etc. And I'm a shipper of Simon Petlura/Volodymyr Vynnychenko, so I would love to believe it's something other than a bit of period-typical background misogyny; like, he writes women so differently and with much empathy, but he still cannot escape the notion that a man having a woman's trait in his appearance is a symbol of weakness.

At the very same time, he gets it: God is with those who have money. There is no God, and all the misfortune of a woman is that she has no money... )

(in response to the older duke's daughter telling her younger sibling about what amounts to her husband stopping short of pimping her out and then forcing her to have sex with him, with financial abuse on top)

All in all, Vynnychenko is great with characters. You can like or dislike them - and he doesn't make an effort to make you one way or another, except maybe with the main antagonist and people who serve him. But they are engaging and, yes, would be great to see on screen, imo.

And I would expect tumblr leftists to love Solar Machine, actually, for its critique of capitalism, for Inarak (they so would stan Max! and possibly Trudy but for other reasons) - and for the end message. I've seen exactly the same message spread around on tumblr so I would have said I'm shocked he's not popular among them, but then again, he's a Ukrainian.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

HAVE U READ THE NEW JJK LEAKS

"(ง'̀-'́)ง

MY SWEET FIGHTING ANON, HOW ARE YOU??

I’ve seen a few lil snippets but I’d stopped really keeping up with the leaks. I will say I LOVE that some of you immediately messaged me upon seeing the leaks 🥹😂 it made my morning to see messages in my inbox 💕 (this is my not subtle nudge to everyone that I love hearing from you guys, even if it’s just life updates or random shit. Pls, I get lonely 🥺)

Side note for the other sweet anon who messaged, I can’t answer that ask rn bc of obvious reasons, but I SEE YOU AND THINK OF THIS AS MY RESPONSE TO YOU AS WELL!!! IT MADE ME SO HAPPY INSIDE THAT YOU CALLED ME 'LOVE,' BTW. MY HEART DID A LIL JUMPY. 🥹💕

As for the leaks?

Me @ everyone losing their shit:

Spoilers for JJK 260 and a huge fucking Kiko rant below the cut.

I’ll believe it when it’s really confirmed. From what I saw, it was the last panel and there’s speculation on whether it’s really him or if Sukuna is seeing shit as he dies or any of the crazy possibilities.

That being said, if Gojo really is back, WELCOME BACK, YOU WONDERFUL, TRAUMATIZED BLUE-EYED BEAN OF A MAN. WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

And now my rant begins…

I’m on the fence. In all honesty, I think I’d finally accepted his death tbh. Because I remembered something that’s actually really interesting: some of the very best stories have stakes. They have death because it’s unfortunately a part of life. Gojo isn’t the MC of JJK, even though he’s an incredible character and I adore him and I still hate how he went out.

But while I still hate how that played out, I was actually thinking recently about how much credit we really don’t give Akutami. Writing is hard. World-building is hard. And he’s created a universe that’s truly incredible. The countless number of cursed techniques he’s written into the story, the number of characters he’s given depth possible without even meaning to? Genuinely incredible. He’s done something amazing. I had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment of realization that he’s actually an incredible story-teller. The story he’s built in his mind is amazing and I’m so glad he’s decided to share it with us. We’ve questioned him because we didn’t have all the pieces he has, but he’s said time and time again that he has things planned and he’s had things planned since the beginning. The medium he’s using to tell the story necessitates it being a bit choppy because he can’t explain every little thing every single time. There will be holes and gaps and things he reveals over time for the sake of the story he’s planned, and I know I forgot that fact when I was angry and grieving. (I’ve also been just losing my shit lately at how stupid some people are saying Akutami hates anime fans just because he killed Choso off. The number of comments I’ve seen about ‘hot characters aren’t allowed to die’ is just… these characters are more than eye candy. They have a purpose and emotional value in the story, specifically Choso as a big brother figure for Yuuji.) okay, fun lil side rant over lol

I think we forget that this is a shonen manga. Shonen are notorious for killing characters. I think of Hunter x Hunter, which Akutami has said is a big inspiration for him, the Chimera Ant Arc seemingly killed over half the cast. I’ve also seen a lot of anger at Akutami for him saying that he doesn’t care how many characters die as long as it’s a good story, and I think people missed the point because they were angry their favorite character died. But the thing is, he has a point. If the character deaths push the story forward, then it works. Yuuji has clearly had a power up that wouldn’t have happened if Gojo hadn’t died. On top of that, we criticized the month-long time skip, but these big reveals couldn’t have happened without it. So while it felt jarring, and it still doesn’t sit quite right with me, I understand why Akutami’s logic now. Again, I think of Hunter x Hunter’s chimera arc and how Gon had to watch Kite die and then fight his puppet corpse. Talk about traumatizing a fucking twelve year old. And adding to that, Akutami has literally said that this is meant for adults. He’s writing with an adult, predominantly male, audience in mind because that’s been the primary demographic for shonen for decades. So no, he isn’t writing with the female audience, or the young female audience, in mind because that’s not the genre he’s targeting. It just so happens that there’s been a huge surge in American teenagers obsessively consuming Asian media in the past few years and now it’s wildly popular among that demographic.

Basically what I’m saying is that gen z has developed the female counterpart for the fedora-wearing weirdos with waifu pillows in the obsession with hot guys in manga/anime. The difference is that they’re raging about a story following its chosen genre. But this is me generalizing things a lot and it obviously doesn’t apply to the majority of fans. I’m pretty sure a large part of our lil corner here is on the older end of gen z or younger millennial, but I could be wrong. Actually, I’d love to know what that split is 🤔 maybe I’ll do a poll.

ANYWAY, SORRY FOR THE RANT. IT WAS ME WORD-VOMITING TO START THE DAY. I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY OR AFTERNOON OR NIGHT!

[ga-yuu]

-----Part 1----

Morinaga: "Actually, you're right."

Morinaga: "How about we do push-ups with Yoshino on our backs? That way we'll have more space and it will be entertaining too. It's like killing two birds with one stone."

(Excuse me!?)

Sueharu: "Hey."

Benkei: "........"

(As expected, Benkei-san looks reluctant. He's an enemy general so it's natural that he'd not-----)

Benkei: "Doing that will put strain your muscles, right? Isn't that a provocative suggestion?"

Yoshino: "T-That's how you see this.....?"

Morinaga: "I'll go first. Come Yoshino."

Yoshino: "W-Wait.."

Sueharu-san suddenly placed a hand on my shoulder as I panicked.

Sueharu: *sigh* "You sit down first."

Yoshino: "Sueharu-san....?"

Sueharu-san then stood in front of the two men.

Sueharu: "I'll sit on top of you."

(Sueharu-san!?)

Benkei: "I see. A man's weight..."

Morinaga: "Sueharu is slim but has a good height."

Fiery passion burns in both of their eyes.

Yoshino: "Wooww! They both so motivated..."

Sueharu: "Okay, you two----"

Sueharu: "Since I will be the one sitting on top if you, if either of you run out fuel too early, I'll charge you a hefty fine. Be prepared for that!"

(Even Sueharu-san looks serious...!)

Morinaga: "----Good. The riskier the bet is, the more interesting the game becomes."

Benkei: "I will do everything in my power. I'll take them head on."

Yoshino: "Ummm....I guess, I'll just sit back and watch."

The following day, after a heated and tense battle------

We all forgot the purpose of our trip.

Then the sun had completely set.

Sueharu: "It was a long day. Why is it that just riding in an oxcart is so tiring?"

Benkei: "You need to exercise more."

Sueharu: "I talking about my mood."

Morinaga: "It was a blast!"

Yoshino: "Everyone...good job!"

For the night, we decided to stay at a house of a merchant, who is an acquaintance of Sueharu-san.

(I wondered what was going to happen, but maybe it was a good thing that the atmosphere was not too tense)

Morinaga: "I also got a gift alcohol from this family. Let's drink."

-----Part 2-----

Morinaga: "I also got a gift alcohol from this family. Let's drink."

Sueharu: "Don't bring people you know into the fold."

Morinaga: "Now now."

Morinaga-san pours sake into everyone's cups.

Morinaga: "Here, Yoshino."

Yoshino: "Thank you!"

Benkei: "Normally, I would firmly refuse to drink with the people from the Shogunate..."

Benkei: "But since we had a good match, I'll hang out with you guys for a little while..."

I wonder if Sueharu-san has become tired of resisting.

Although he does look annoyed, he still sips his sake.

Yoshino: "Anyways....you two are amazing! I've never seen anyone doing that many push-ups."

Benkei: "But for me, it ended in a disappointing result. I need to train harder."

Sueharu: "The oxcart was shaking so hard on the way and you lost your balance."

(He almost caught up with Morinaga-san's record. He lost by one push-up. That was really disappointing)

Sueharu: "I don't like saying it, but...Morinaga is always lucky."

Morinaga: "It's terrible when you say that loud but I won't entirely deny it."

Benkei: "A match is still a match. If by any chance we get to spar again, I won't lose next time."

Morinaga: "Me too."

The gulped down their sake at the same time.

Sueharu: ".....And now you two became friends? I don't get it."

Yoshino: "Come to think of it, the match started to decide who is more suitable to be Sueharu-san's friend, right?"

Sueharu: "Please don't make me remember something stupid."

Sueharu: "Here, drink more and let your guard down for me."

(Hey, I'm only used to pouring drinks...!)

Yoshino: "Please, I want to be careful not to get too drunk...!"

Sueharu: "I don't mind how you become once you're drunk."

Sueharu: "The pain of having to listen to these bastards saying 'ooh' and 'aahh' up so close..."

Sueharu: "I think I'll forget if you sing cutely to me."

Yoshino: "Also, thank you very much for taking my place."

Sueharu: "Mm. How about giving me a kiss?"

-----Part 3-----

Yoshino: "Also, thank you very much for taking my place."

Sueharu: "Mm. How about giving me a kiss?"

(....Nn)

His hand stroked my hand and my heart beat sped up.

------Options------

I refuse.

A kiss is too light.

Your words and actions...

-------

Yoshino: "Are you treating my kisses lightly...!?"

Sueharu: "No. That's why I'm begging you."

Benkei: "Hey! Stop hitting on a woman from the enemy camp, Sueharu."

Sueharu: "Wow, you're suddenly starting to sound serious..."

Sueharu-san emptied his glass and stood up.

Sueharu: "I'm going to talk to the owner for a moment."

Sueharu: "Yoshino. In case another stupid fight starts between these two, make sure to run to the other room, okay?"

(Eh)

Sueharu: "Drinking contest, arm wrestling etc..something like that."

Sueharu: "Benkei is a fiery guy when he's triggered. So if you get involved, you won't be sleeping anytime soon."

Yoshino: "...Certainly considering what happened in the oxcart, it seems possible!"

Morinaga: "Sueharu really understands us!"

Benkei: "I can feel the friendship."

Sueharu: "Morinaga, stop messing around and Benkei, don't agree with him with a straight face."

(When you're with these two, it's as if you're not the usual Sueharu-san)

Sueharu: "....? What's wrong, Yoshino? You've been staring at me for a while."

Yoshino: "No...It's just I thought Sueharu-san sounds a bit different when talking to these two."

Sueharu: "Eh?"

Yoshino: "Maybe that's who you really are?"

Sueharu: "......"

Morinaga and Benkei: "......"

(Umm...?)

Sueharu: "Of course not?"

With a dark smile on his face, Sueharu-san denies it.

Sueharu: "But a good merchant has hundred faces. Maybe you saw one of them."

Yoshino: "Oh.."

I couldn't argue any further.

Sueharu: "By the way, if you want to see what I look like as a man, you can come to my room tonight?"

(Ah...)

His fingers caressed my cheek and his face had his usual relaxed smile.

Yoshino: "No thanks..."

Sueharu: "You're always welcomed if you change your mind."

(You managed to evade my question)

Sueharu-san waved his hand and leaves the room.

Morinaga: "Yoshino. Are you concerned about Sueharu?"

-----Part 4-----

Morinaga: "Yoshino. Are you concerned about Sueharu?"

Yoshino: "....! I mean, I'm curious."

Benkei: "...."

Benkei was also silently staring at me.

Yoshino: "As someone who was once decieved by Sueharu-san..."

Yoshino: "I wanted to make an effort to get to know Sueharu-san so that I could win next time."

Yoshino: "If you don't know who you're fighting, you can't plan countermeasures, right?"

Benkei: "........You can't beat Sueharu with mediocre effort."

Yoshino: "I know. But I won't give up."

Benkei: "Oh."

Benkei-san drinks his sake and leans forward slightly.

Benkei: "----You're a woman with a surprisingly good bone in your body. I'm taking a fresh look at you."

Yoshino: "T-Thank you, Benkei-san."

Benkei: "Just call me Benkei. I don't use honorfics for you so, you should do the same."

(Umm)

Yoshino: "Well.."

When I hesitated and looked at Morinaga-san, he gave me a radiant smile.

Morinaga: "It's fine, Yoshino. Benkei doesn't have any other intentions."

Yoshino: "....Okay."

Yoshino: "Thank you, Benkei."

Benkei: "Mm."

Benkei fills my sake cup with his big palms.

Morinaga: "Strange, isn't it? When Yoshino is around, the atmosphere softens."

Yoshino: "Hm? I don't think so."

Benkei: "I agree with him. If it was just me, Sueharu and Morinaga inside that oxcart..."

Benkei: "No matter what, the atmosphere would have been tense."

(Really? Then I'm happy that I could be of help)

Morinaga: "----But still."

Morinaga-san suddenly muttered to himself.

Morinaga: "I don't think it will be me or Benkei who will open Sueharu's heart in the true sense of word, but..."

Morinaga: "Maybe, it's a girl like Yoshino."

Benkei: ".............."

Yoshino: "Me? What are you saying...?"

...I felt Morinaga-san's words, which sounded like a prophecy, were circulating in my body with a slight intoxication.

Benkei: "He draws a line between him and us, even after we've known each other for quiet some time."

Benkei: "Every time he does that, I get angry..."

In the dark room, Benkei's eyes sparkles.

Benkei: "Half of what's inside a person is determined by his upbringing.."

Benkei: "He doesn't want to tell people about the pain he's been through---"

Benkei: "I kinda understand that."

-----Part 5-----

Benkei: "He doesn't want to tell people about the pain he's been through---"

Benkei: "I kinda understand that."

I didn't know what to say.

(Maybe the road Benkei took was not smooth either)

Morinaga: "............"

Yoshino: "For Morinaga-san..."

Before I could say anything more...

Yoshino: "What kind of kid was Sueharu-san when he was young?"

Morinaga: "...Hmm."

Morinaga: "He was stronger and smarter than anyone I'd ever met and from the moment, I saw him----I wanted to be friends with him."

Morinaga: "But."

Morinaga: "....One day, I betrayed the pride of that young Sueharu."

(Eh....)

Morinaga-san's voice had an unmistakable hint of regret.

Morinaga: "That's why Sueharu will never forgive me."

Morinaga: "That's all I can say for now."

(It seems like there's something deeper....)

Yoshino: "Thank you so much for telling me."

Benkei who had been listening, poured sake into Morinaga-san's cup without saying another word.

(It seems difficult to open the minds of black merchants...)

(If only I could get a glimpse into his mind while working as Sueharu-san's 'partner')

The unspoken wish was gently poured down my throat along with the alcohol.

After dinner, I was on my way to the room assigned to me...

Owner: "Oh, Going to sleep are we?"

Yoshino: "Yes! Thank you for lending us your rooms."

I met the owner of the house on the way and bowed to him.

Owner: "No, no. If Sueharu-san makes a request, how can I turn a blind eye?"

Owner: "That's right. On your way to your room, could you please take this scroll to Sueharu-san?"

(Eh?)

I accepted the scroll that the owner handed to me.

Owner: "Sueharu-san showed interest in it when we were talking about business earlier."

Owner: "Sueharu-san's bedroom is three doors down from Yoshino-san's so, I hope you'll give him."

Yoshino: "Sure!"

(I just have to hand it over at the entrance, right?)

I said goodnight to the owner and started walking away.

I arrived in front of Sueharu-san's room....

(Hm? The door is slightly opened. Maybe he's not inside?)

Yoshino: "Sueharu-san? Are you there?"

When I peeked into the room, I saw the back of Sueharu-san, who was sitting on the porch looking outside.

Sueharu: "Yoshino?"

Chapter 9

[bestbonnist]

YAS! My not-so-subtle hint was a SUCCESS!

For Character Ask Game: -

Fushi (duh): Q2, 3, 5, 6 (I know you answered this in Discord before, but! Maybe others will like to hear about it?), 7, 8, 11 (HAHAHA I KID, I KID), 19, 23 (I ask because I lowkey think yall have a whole treasure trove of manga panels in your local storage, and you're our manga provider and a temporary translator. You've gotta had a fav!), 24

Lefthand Nokker: Q1, 9, 12, 14, 18, 19, 24

The Beholder: Q1, 2, 3, 10, 18, 19

I hope it ain't too much. Nah who am I kidding, this is a lot. But hey, it's

the Non-Human-in Origin Trio!

Fushi

Favorite canon thing about this character?

That they lie all the goddamn time. The expectation for a protagonist like Fushi, who has this sympathetic, innocent quality, is that they're an honest person. But Fushi loves lying to themselves and everyone around them. Fushi doesn't necessarily need to be truthful to be a good person, although they do need to be truthful to have good relationships. I think that's very interesting.

Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Maybe the fact that their usual body is considered good looking. How is that relevant + who cares.

What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA. I don't know why! It just reminds me so much of Fushi in the present era and their relationship with March.

What's something you have in common with this character?

I can relate to their feeling of isolation from everyone else, particularly how they don't think of things in the same way as other people. Seeing Fushi have the same experience as me is reassuring.

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

When people give them bubble tea. It's nice! They deserve a little treat.

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Ship them with Kahaku. I'm well aware that I'm throwing stones from a glass house considering I also ship them with Kahaku (kind of), but. It's like people are incapable of liking the ship without turning Fushi into an entirely different person. That is not the same guy.

How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

That's really tough. Maybe their relationship with Bon? Because of the role Bon played in the Renryrr arc, his relationship with Fushi is a lot colder/more professional than their relationships with their other friends. Even in the present era, they're still more comfortable going to Bon for advice than going to anyone else. I actually really like that, I just wish the change was acknowledged by either of them. Because it connects so well to the theme of the present era about letting go of the past, and making a move towards peace: Fushi and Bon's relationship is a remnant of high stakes of the Renryrr arc. Should they change it, or does it work fine the way it is?

Favorite picture of this character?

I do have a treasure trove of Fushi panels. My computer is lousy with screenshots I've taken and forgot about. I think my favorite is from volume 14's inside cover.

Look at their expression! Look at the color contrast between Fushi and the Beholder enveloping them! I love it when we get Fushi's whole body, because then we can see their posture. They slouch a lot :)

What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Yato from Noragami. You've read Noragami, right? He was created to fulfill the wishes of his father figure, he's an immortal god, and he's tasked with destroying creatures that prey on humanity's weaknesses. In Noragami, there's also the possibility that Yato's living friends could have their memories of him severed, or they could lose those memories of him after they die. It's the reverse of Fushi's situation, but there's still stuff going on with memories so I say it counts.

Left Hand

Why do you like or dislike this character?

I like it, because it serves as such an excellent foil for Fushi. When Fushi's trying to reach a peaceful solution with the knockers in the present era, the left hand is there to try and drag it back down. It hates Fushi so much, it cares more about Fushi suffering than the knockers' entire reason for existence. To most of the knockers, these two things are indistinguishable, but the left hand wants Fushi to destroy the knockers instead of cooperate with them because that means Fushi will lose.

Could you be roommates with this character?

No... well, I could. The left hand would probably be a great roommate until it killed me in my sleep and replaced me with a knocker.

What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Not really sure if this counts as a headcanon, it's more like a theory. I think the left hand will get an actual name by the end of the manga.

Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Not sure what it's called but I like the idea of the left hand wearing a lot of jewelry and mismatched layers of clothing. Because the two characters it's closest to, Fushi and Mizuha, are both collectors of very different types of things. Mizuha collects medals and trophies and trinkets that are bright and shiny. Fushi collects things that most people wouldn't find any value in, like mud balls. So I think the left hand would be a type of collector too. And I would like seeing that reflected in their outfits somehow. I mean, Mizuha has a home to display her stuff in, but the only place the left hand has is whatever body its in. So wearing a bunch of its stuff might be a way of making that body feel like home. But that's all just speculation.

How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

With Yuuki. That's the only relationship the left hand has with anyone in canon that's even remotely good.

How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

With Mizuha. It's not dislike, per say, it's more like they were together for so long but we have no idea how they interacted with each other. What they thought of each other. To Mizuha, maybe the left hand was only a tool, but what about what she was to the left hand? I find it hard to believe that the left hand didn't care about her at all when it's got the same Kahaku issues as Fushi. And we saw how that turned out.

What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

The only one I can think of is Orokappi from After God. They both take on a human form in order to infiltrate human society, and then start to resemble a human on the inside as well. He even makes the same pose as the left hand when it traps Fushi underneath it (which it does twice during their fight) when he's trying to kill his friend. Orokappi is a little less... sophisticated than the left hand, but he's no less of a complex and interesting character.

The Beholder

Why do you like or dislike this character?

I'm kinda neutral towards him honestly. I've defended him to people who don't like him very much, but he didn't get enough development for a character of his importance.

Favorite canon thing about this character?

I like how he just disappears when he loses an argument. It's really petty. In the time when he just seemed like an omniscient, uncaring god, it made him feel more human.

Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I guess I expected him to play a bigger role in the present era, so it was disappointing when he didn't. He was still there quite a bit though, despite his insistence that he didn't want to be involved. I think I would have liked to see how and why he decided to save Tonari and everyone else at school, instead of just "well, I've been human for a while now, so I guess it's having an affect on me," which is what we got. That's a big turning point for Satoru. It's the first time he's actually intervened in anything instead of acting as an observer. But it feels like he went from point A to point B with nothing in between.

Could you be best friends with this character?

I tend to stick to people I find entertaining for whatever reason, and he's definitely entertaining. Maybe that would eventually become a close friendship. But probably not.

How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

... Sumika? It's sweet how Satoru can just be a normal kid with her, even before he loses his memories.

How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

I think the closest to "don't like" would be his relationship with Fushi. I have sympathy for him but he's a terrible father figure.

[gust-jar-simulator]

Okay I'm stuck on this. Will I ever finish it? Maybe. Honestly it was just me being self-indulgent with a Wild headcanon. Possibly very hamfisted with it too, actually.

Also I was experimenting with a different writing style, so behold. An extremely unedited thing from my documents.

Characters: Wild, Twilight, Four

⚔️🍳🏔️🍳⚔️

Wild didn't have much say in things when Twilight, their brother, their friend, their faithful companion, frog marched them out of camp one day with a growling mutter.

They were fine. They were completely fine. Wild might be a little forgetful sometimes, or verbally process (Purah's phrasing) on watch, or occasionally lose all ability to talk, but all of that was positively tame in this group. Time spent watch on full moons viciously sharpening his weapons like a one man army, and was excellent company for Wild's agitated perimeter checks. Hells, Warriors' version of fidgeting was calling and dismissing his limited magic at random, raising everyone's hair for a handful of seconds.

"I'm fine," they emphasized to their uncompromising shield-brother as they were dragged away to decent We Need To Talk distance. "I didn't even burn dinner."

"You literally forgot your name," Twilight corrected, "both of them. You have really weird mood swings, you forget what day it is, your body language is all over the place-"

"We're on a time traveling quest-"

"-and I don't know how to help," the rancher continued firmly, "but I know someone who might, so just. Hear me out. You can poison my dinner later or something, okay?"

Further struggles were interrupted by a break in the trees, where Four had happened to find the most picturesque sunbeam slanting over a mossy stump and was sitting on it like a strange forest spirit with riddles to ask. He frowned at both of them and sent Twilight a very significant, confused glare with a lot of expressive eyebrow wiggling.

Twilight jerked his head slightly at Wild and did some facial gymnastics of his own. Was this a normal thing for people who were properly socialized in a village, or just hero insanity at work? A mystery for the ages. Wild ignored them both and successfully yanked himself out of Twilight's grip.

Four spoke slowly, like a careful footstep onto a possibly rotten tree branch. "I'm always happy to help, Twilight, but... what is this?"

"None of his fucking business," and that really had to be emphasized, "I didn't ask for his help and I'm not asking for it now, with whatever he thinks is wrong. I'm fine. I can fight. I can cook. I even tell jokes sometimes. What more do you want?"

Four leveled a look of significant judgement at Twilight that was very gratifying. At last, someone reasonable.

Twilight, busy being unreasonable, steamrolled past that. "His body language is all weird."

The judgemental eyebrow dropped, as something about that registered with Four, and he looked Wild over with interest.

He was truly and deeply betrayed, but not irreversibly. Wild scuffed the ground with his heel, arms crossed, angling a little to keep a suspicious eye on both of them. He didn't like it much when there were secret conversations happening under the blatant one. Nothing good ever came of it. Sometimes it was pranks. Sometimes, terrifyingly, it was interventions.

Wild responded to interventions by crawling out of the nearest window usually.

"I know you're several thousand years in my past," they began, "and Four is older than several literal hills and possibly a few constellations, but have you considered actually talking to me or are we still at the talking about me stage? Because I can speak Hylian. In several dialects, even. You should try me."

[nihil-nan]

hello \[^.^]> Nihil here

Welcome to this random blog where all my interests-will, or already did- converge into weird soup... hopefully tasty soup still.

Skip to the end if you just want updates about this blog.

Anyway, introductions and info due:

I'm:

20

Egyptian

they/he/it. Gender is.. like.. like I have like one foot in the binary, and one foot and the rest of my body out in another dimension. I just refer to myself as a transmasc enby.

I'm asexual, alloromantic though, don't be fooled by the aro posting i just really like aro and aroace tumblr.

Am I nonhuman? not 100% sure. Do I believe in God? Does God even believe in me. Am I neurodivergent? I'm undiagnosed and have no idea what even starts to classify as divergent rather than typical.

Creating an interest list is overwhelming rn so I'll get to that point when I feel like it.

DNI IF

-You discriminate against a group of people in any way shape or form, I won't bother listing the discrimination types.

-You actively either encourage or cause any forms of harm on purpose. Bonus threat-to-society points if you think you're righteous.

-You're strictly and only NSFW porn related. I don't care.

-And if you're going to pester me about me needing to believe in your religion. I extra don't care.

-You think you'll dislike being around me or my blog... In that case why are you even here.

Blog Properties:

I'm inconsistent and my activity could vary from permenantly online to weekly check and silly reblog. I'm very much a lurker mainly so please @ or ask me it's totally chill and helps me stop lurking and start interacting with you more.

I cuss oftentimes without censorship, mostly as my favourite form of exclaimation or show of anger at something. You have been warned

I post about my current interests + relating to my identity and reblog cool stuff I find. I'll always tag any one interest in particular consistently, so just use the tag and you'll get all my specific stuff.

I've only posted about worldless so far. "worldless" is the tag, "worldless game" does NOT show all my posts.

Language: default English, I can still write and translate Arabic if needed.

Current Projects Status:

If you were wondering "wuh? Nihil weren't you really into Worldless and you wanted to do projects and stuff?" Currently I've struggled with 2 Worldless projects because I ran into both personal and technical issues at the same time, idk when I'll have any proper progress. I went a bit quiet on Worldless Tumblr because everytime I remember Worldless I rush to the projects I'm dealing with instead of the community.

-Basically I did a 100% run of both Edda and Aven only (excluding perfect trial and LUCA- LUCA for obvious reasons but perfect trial is totally possible) but the recording is way too long and chunky and I need to process it first (the processing part is so much more difficult than even doing the damned perfect trial with one of the duo at a time what the hell).

-And yes I announced long ago that I would create a set of save files to help kickstart the game from any point as a sort of live reference material or for whichever other need. I called it the sum total of all projects because what it meant for me is that I could review any situation, detail, animation, in game more conveniently and base future projects off of it. HOWEVER, creating multiple saves is a super buggy process in which I accidentally started a new world in which I had all the skill points and character progression despite all the enemies still being there (how). So with my laptop storage cussing me out and my cloud storage in absolute disarray I'm literally the "this is fine" meme rn and am scared to death I'll lose like my actual save files.

-With all that gibberish I forgot some of the memes and artworks I wanted to make for the game but another IMPORTANT thing I have in mind is my contribution to the fanzine. I have not started this but fingers crossed I create at least one thing for the fanzine by the end of August.

[cosmic-latt3]

Copia headcanons

Some of these are common fanon I agree with I think. Also some of these are me projecting onto him lol (though some are opposite of me). If any of this contradicts canon it's probably because I forgot what's canon

He's AuDHD but the presentation where autism is more prominent. He's self-diagnosed because the ministry doesn't tend to do therapists or anything like that

He's bisexual. It was never a big deal for him because he was raised in the ministry and although they have some very bad/toxic aspects they're pretty good with queer stuff most of the time

He knows who his mom is. She told him as a young adult. They never talked about it again. He doesn't know who his dad is but kind of subconsciously knows

His main special interests are rats and retro video games. He has 3 pet rats. They're all female rats. He likes Pokemon games a lot. He names his rats after different rodent pokemon like rattata, patrat, etc. The absolute newest system he'll touch are DS and Wii era. Usually much older than that. He has quite a few different consoles. The 3d on the 3ds gave him a headache and he never noticed the slider to turn it off so he gave it to Terzo (very ADHD) who shoved it in a pile of crap and forgot about it. That was the last brand new one he bought. He also has a secondary special interest in movies

He's not super great at using newer technology and doesn't really care for it. He doesn't like changes with that kind of thing so he still uses older stuff he's had for a long time like his record player and 8 track (he uses the record player mostly hence forgetting how to use the 8 track). He resents essentially needing to to have a smartphone to participate in modern society and probably forgets it all the time, or breaks it. He gets some shitty cheap or old one that doesn't last long.

He's had the same work laptop for like, a decade. He's paid way more to computer repair shops getting it fixed or parts upgraded various times (he takes care of it unlike his phone but of course batteries only last a few years, etc) then it would have been to get a new one. He doesn't have to use it that much though the ministry as a whole tends to be lower tech then the rest of society because they skew older (although there are plenty of younger people there as well)

Disordered eating mention: he has some arfid-like sensory and executive function issues around food that flare up when he's stressed and during those times he tends to mostly drink things with calories instead of eating very much

He likes vestibular stims like riding his trike which he's done since he was young, swingset, and he wishes they would make an adult size sit and spin

He has a LOT of different comfort objects like rat plushies, the things you see in his room (all his decorations he's had for a zillion years. his kitten poster he's had since he was an actual child), stim toys like wacky tracks, etc. He likes ones that make clicky noises and sometimes doesn't realize it's not a good time for that in public

The full Papa facepaint and robes are kind of a sensory issue but not to the point where it's unbearable or anything.

He has like 10 of the red tracksuit but he wears different shirts under it that we just haven't seen. He does have like 3 of the vvulgari shirt. it's a particularly good fabric. He also has some band shirts

He mostly likes music that came out in the 80s and 90s, but listens to some newer music too. Pretty diverse genres. He likes metal from the 80s but also pop and whatever random music he happens to like

Some people teased him growing up so he's insecure about his looks/has some body dysmorphia issues (hence getting plastic surgery)

He LOVES being on stage and preforming but it's overstimulating and wipes him out. he can sometimes have meltdowns and shutdowns on tour because of it

He likes cats and bunnies but not a special interest like rats

NSFW mention: He didn't lose his virginity until he was like 30 or something, but he made up for lost time after that and has had quite a few casual partners in his life. He hasn't had a lot of serious/long term relationships because he struggles with communication in relationships, and excessive masking to the detriment of the relationship. He also is pretty introverted and his need for independence and time alone could clash with partners. He's a switch but leans toward sub

[cy-cyborg]

hi! thank you for writing your posts about writing/drawing disabled characters and amputees. my ask might be kinda niche so if you don’t feel comfy answering i understand!!

in the story im writing (its contemporary fantasy, like magic exists in a modern setting) one of my characters gets severely injured in a battle/monster attack and loses his leg above the knee. he’s not the protagonist but the close friend/love interest btw. a lot of the story takes place during after his injury heals and he starts using a prosthetic (there’s a time skip so we don’t see all of his healing journey but some of it will definitely be there).

his character arc isn’t really tied to his disability at all, its just there. he copes with it and moves on pretty easily. my protagonist, however, feels a lot of guilt over it because he got in the battle/attack because of her. a lot of her arc has to do with overcoming trauma because she got her sibling killed in a monster attack and feels a lot of guilt over it. a lot of that same guilt comes up because my protagonist and her li got in a fight about her keeping secrets from him and it resulted in the battle/attack that caused his amputation.

i want to emphasize in my writing that the protagonist isn’t guilty because he lost his leg — but that he got hurt at all. she was raised to protect people from monsters etc and she failed, and not only that but she failed her best friend. she doesn’t think of him as weaker for it once the initial wound heals, just guilty that he had to go through any pain at all. and i want to make sure that my writing doesn’t portray him as weaker because of this either. disability doesn’t make you weaker, it just means you have to adapt to situations a bit differently than another person might. my story includes a lot of fighting both physically and magically (though he isn’t a magic user) and he’s one of the most talented characters when it comes to fighting so i want to make sure that’s emphasized

im actually disabled myself, though my disability is very much invisible. so im still unsure of how to approach this because i want to be as respectful and realistic as possible. im sorry if my rambling didn’t make any sense, but if you’re able to give me any guidance at all (not just my specific ask, but anything else generally you haven’t covered in other posts yet) id greatly appreciate it :)

I am so sorry, I could have sworn I answered your question already but I think I just typed something out and forgot to post it lmao.

So what you described sounds fine to me, the only thing you need to be careful of is not going too far in the other direction and making the LI's amputation have no impact/too little impact. Disabilities like amputation are still disabling, they will have an impact and make some things harder, just not to the extent/not in the ways most people expect. It's about finding a balance!

On top of that, you also have to be mindful of how non-disabled people will read those interaction too. This goes against a lot of standard writing advice, but I've found, if you're going against a trope about disability specifically, becuase most people are so uneducated about the topic and yet have very strongly-held opinions anyway, you really have to spell things out lol. You might intend for it to be read as "she feels bad he was hurt at all/that she failed her job" but a lot of non-disabled readers do tend to add the "becuase he's disabled now and that means his life will be shit" onto it even if that's not at all what you were saying. It's very frustrating, and something that took me a really long time to learn how to avoid when I used to post my writing online lol. Beta readers and sensitivity readers are a good way to measure if you were clear enough there though.

and to be clear, not saying either of these things are something you're doing, just things to be cautious of.

[crowtrobotx]

OMG YOU REMINDED ME i’ve been meaning to cry into your asks about how good chrysalis is. it’s been bouncing around my brain for weeks now. like you perfectly capture the side of karl that i’m most infatuated with— which is just how he cares for people even if he’s stubborn and ruthless and yk. just karl heisenberg. ITS SO SWEET. but you also never lose the grit of his character.

AND THEN KRIS AND LOTTIE TEAR ME APART they’re sooooo fucking well written they’re so fleshed out they’re so. real. you balance your beautiful descriptions with clever and heartfelt dialogue so perfectly. like i can’t wait for every next word i read i get so excited about it.

i got too caught up in how obsessed i am with your writing i forgot i had like. an actual question— what was your inspiration for writing the fic? bc your overall theme of how science can create both terrible and beautiful things is really interesting and i love it. and i really enjoy how your characters embody this.

me personally, my inspiration for my fic came from seeing how different ethan and heis were and how their deal would’ve never worked out. bc karl simply doesn’t understand what it’s like to love someone— he’s never had someone to care about (as far as we see in the game). so ethan’s bleeding heart goes completely over his head. so i was wondering what would happen if heis DID understand ethan. what if he DID have someone to care about.

and i was wondering if you thought the same? (don’t spoil anything if you don’t want to) but will that motivate his actions in a different way when it comes to the events of the game?

anyway ily and your stuff mwah ❤️

🥺

PLEASE oh my goodness thank you so much for the kind words. You have no idea how much they mean to me! I am trying to be better about being dismissive of any compliments because I still genuinely feel baffled that people who are not me are enjoying this so much but I am so so so so glad for it all the same.

I’m honestly very happy to hear you say that you think I don’t “lose the grit” of his character because that’s something I’ve honestly struggled with trying to balance! I mean, that’s kinda crazy to say, because this is a dude who was on screen for like ten minutes lol but I feel pretty strongly with the way he swings wildly between homicidal rage and moments of stark vulnerability, there’s something resembling a person capable of love and care under there. We never got a backstory for him and I think most of us are on the “he was taken as a child, not an adult” train, so I’m always trying to depict a battle between a kid who was robbed of any opportunity for a “normal” life, the adult who came from that and has been warped into both a weapon against his will and a person hellbent on survival at all costs, and a guy who, under kinder circumstances, might have been a decent if quite a bit eccentric dude. And that’s really hard! I often worry I’ve gone and made him too soft and that I need to focus more on him behaving like a violent toddler but I always soothe myself by remembering that Capcom didn’t exactly flesh him out which is both deeply frustrating but also leaves room for almost endless possibilities.

And hngggg loving on my original characters is like, so incredibly validating for me thank you <3 I have spent a long time thinking about those two before I even wrote a single word and I’m touched that you and others can tell and seem to enjoy it. I think I’ve mentioned it before but I’ve spent the last decade plus exclusively writing poetry, not prose, so I think sometimes that comes out with my descriptions and general style. It’s kind of a harder transition than I imagined but I’d like to think I’m getting better chapter by chapter lol.

Anyway, that’s enough about me. I love your stated inspiration for Heisenberg Principle – it totally comes through in your work and I absolutely agree. It’s actually quite similar to Chrysalis, at least in part. I, too, don’t think Ethan would have ever accepted the proposal. I say this with zero hate in my heart for the folks who were gunning for a team up DLC but I actually would have been furious if they’d done that and it hadn’t ended with Karl betraying him and a black screen with “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING” on it popping up lmao. Yes, Heisenberg is meant to play at your heartstrings because it’s clear he doesn’t want to be there and anyone can sympathize with that – but I thought it was pretty clear that the player was meant to notice the hypocrisy in his massive rant about how he’s not like his siblings or his “Mother” while he proceeds to commit unspeakable horrors. (I’ve seen some folks argue that it’s ‘not that bad’ because they’re corpses or whatever but like…. Come on, man.) I tend to view his interactions with Ethan as hugely manipulative. Karl’s a living weapon. He sees Ethan as another living weapon, one he can use to dispatch with his siblings, and Rose as THE living weapon to kill Miranda. Miranda has used Heisenberg as a tool his whole (?) life so why should he think any other human relationships are different.

Which I guess leads to Chrysalis. I was also hugely interested in exploring what that confrontation would have looked like if they both had someone to protect/love and more specifically if they were both fathers. My longtime Heisenmoots can tell you I’ve been singularly obsessed with this idea since like…. Day one lol. I am hoping that it will flesh out some of his canon interactions or at least make them more interesting while also perhaps maybe change the way he ultimately interacts with Mr. Ethan “Loses a Hand Biweekly” Winters. There’s a bit of personal inspiration in there, of course. Lottie is, for example, the daughter I would want if I had one: kinda feral, smart, authentic, a little weird. Kris is in part an exploration of my own chronic illness/disability struggles – many Heisenberg fics involve the reader/OC becoming a lord (which is COOL and AWESOME and I love all these characters, to be very clear) but I wanted to look at a story where that person doesn’t mesh well with the Cadou, where through no fault of their own they succumb to it like so many other nameless folks before. Not saying I was trying to be ~edgy~ but I also thought it would be fun to subvert the traditional “Karl and OC make a vessel” story which, again, I do not blame anyone for writing because it’s right there. And, yes, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I just love this queer old man and I wanted him to have something, anything good in his life.

I feel like I’ve been rambling like a lunatic lol I could say so much more but I’m afraid I sound totally unhinged. Before I shut my trap, I’ll say that like many I felt there was a lot to be desired with how little backstory and motivation we were presented in this otherwise compelling game. There is something they’re trying to say about parenthood and something they’re trying to say about fairy tales and it all just… leads nowhere. No, RE has never been about satisfactory/deep character development but sheesh there really is the skeleton of something crazy good here. The whole of Chrysalis is leading up to that confrontation (I believe @vodkafolie called it a Dad Battle which I love lol) and I don’t want to spoil too much but it’s going to be both about that whole idea of ‘what if he actually did pick up what Ethan was trying to throw down’ but also the whole idea of love as madness and is there a point where in trying to preserve that love you can cause too much destruction and squeeze to hard and crush it like a bug in your palm.

Again thank you thank you thank you for your kindness, mwah right back ily2 <3