#stinky little trash man

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

He’s so funny I hate him

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

i don't think i did that cape right

or his shades now that i look at them

[planetvries]

i made them Creatures

[jeonginsleftcheek]

My favorite person

pairing: han jisung x afab!reader

genre: fluff, smut, neighbors/(fake) enemies to lovers au

word count: 6.7k

warnings: alcohol, swearing, smoking weed, cheesy flirting, handjob, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up pls), squirting, cumshots, spanking, they're both desperate for each other and completely in love

a/n: had so much fun writing this omg! i love playful hannie sm and i hope y'all enjoy this too, consider a reblog if you did🩷

~check out my: Masterlist

It's almost midnight when Jisung's tired and aching legs slowly carry him towards his house. He has music in his ears and he's whistling lowly in the empty street.

It's still warm, the summer sun is unforgiving during the day, burning every surface up, stealing the freshness of the night.

Jisung can't wait to take all his greasy clothes off (courtesy of working in a fast food restaurant) and hop in the shower to wash the day off.

As he nears his house, he sees you sitting on your porch, wearing an oversized shirt, your hair in a messy bun, your sandals thrown aside and a can of beer in your hand.

He waves and you roll your eyes as you take another sip of your beverage.

"Came to bother me?"- you ask as he lowers his headphones to rest them around his neck.

"Ofcourse, you know that's my favorite hobby."- he smirks, leaning on the railing in front of you.

"You're blocking my view."- you lean to the left, trying to look behind him.

"Of what?"- he turns to look.

"The street."

"There's nothing on the street."- Jisung pouts.

"Still more interesting than you."- you quip.

"Wow, hostile much?"

"You know me."- you shrug with a smirk and he chuckles.

"You got another one of those?"- Jisung points at the beer in your hand.

"For you? No."- you continue smirking.

"Liar."- he smirks back at you. "I know for a fact your fridge is full of that crap."

"You know, it was nice and quiet before you came around."- you sigh.

"Well, I'm here to disrupt your peace."- he says and you groan with a smile as he sits next to you.

"You stink for real."- your face scrunches up as you scoot away from him.

"Mm, the smell of a working man."- Jisung leans towards you, draping his arm on your shoulders and you shake him off with a look of disgust.

"Ew, go shower."- you shove him away and he laughs.

"Alright I was going to anyways. I'll be done in 10."- he gets up before you can answer and you watch his silly little legs walking away from you.

Most of the time you want to smack Jisung, but sometimes he's a nice distraction from the thoughts swirling in your mind and the shitty world around you.

You don't wait for him though, throwing the empty beer can in the trash and padding back to your house. You close the door with a thud and sit in your living room, your fan is placed right in front of your face as you exhale.

"Fuck this heat."- you mutter to yourself, the sound of that annoying commercial voice from the TV blending into the background, behind the droning noise of the fan.

You almost fall asleep sitting like that but your door swings open suddenly and it jolts you awake. You don't have to look to know whose footsteps are echoing in your house.

"Finally refreshed."- it's Jisung and he grabs a beer from your fridge and then sits on your couch like it's his house.

His hair is still wet and messy, droplets of water sliding down his neck towards the white Sonic Youth shirt he's wearing.

You don't mean to stare but you do for a moment until the sound of him opening the can of beer snaps you out of your thoughts.

"That's my shirt, you thief!"- you point your finger at him and he laughs annoyingly.

"Doesn't have your name written anywhere on it."- he shrugs and you roll your eyes, smacking his arm.

"Obnoxious."- you mutter but he ignores your little quips as always.

"I'm not stinky anymore."- he smirks at you, his arm around your shoulders again and you whine, moving his arm away.

"All boys are stinky. And why are you drinking beer? I'm not gonna hold back your hair when you start puking, you lightweight."- you shove him playfully and he almost chokes on the sip he's taking.

"I'm not gonna puke, okay? I will be completely fine and sober after this."- he says matter-of-factly as he brings the can up.

"You would've been better off drinking some milk, baby."- you tease him and he chuckles.

"Baby, huh?"- he smirks, his face closer to yours.

"Yes baby, like an infant. A child. Now get out of my personal space."- you press your fingertips into his forehead and push him away.

"Damn, keep being mean to me and you won't get any of this."- Jisung waves a baggy in front of your face.

"Oh, now you're talking."- you smirk and he laughs at you.

"I'm not so stinky anymore, am I?"- he wiggles his eyebrows.

"You're still stinky."- you say, reaching for the baggy but he snatches it away.

"Give it here!"- you yell out and he giggles as he keeps moving the baggy away from you while you try to catch it.

You kneel on the couch, trying to grab it with your flailing hands but he moves his arm away again, making you lose your balance as you basically fall into his lap.

"Hello there."- Jisung smirks, his arm wrapping around your waist.

"Ew."- you scramble to get off him, crossing your arms over your chest and looking away from him.

"Okay, okay, you can roll."- he reaches the baggy towards you and you grab it but he keeps holding onto it.

"Jisung."- you warn.

"Give me a kiss and I'll give you the baggy."

"Quit blackmailing me with kisses. Never gonna happen."- you say as he chuckles, the little bastard.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, here. For real now."- he gives you the baggy and you get to work.

Jisung watches you as you concentrate, your brows slightly furrowed and your tongue poking out between your lips.

He licks his lips unconsciously, thoughts of tasting you have been on his mind ever since he first saw you when he moved next door.

You were a mess back then and sometimes you still are but Jisung loves the mess you are, he loves that you don't try to pretend to be okay when you're not, he loves that you don't take anyone's shit and always fight for yourself, he loves the fact that you're just so unapologetically yourself that you don't mind crying in front of him.

"Earth to stinky. Give me your lighter."- your voice breaks his daydreaming and he rolls his eyes playfully at the nickname before handing you the lighter.

The first two inhales already make you a little floaty, waves of relaxation slowly traveling through your body. Just what you needed after the day you had.

Your music plays in the background, the shared playlist Jisung and you have on spotify. The two of you are sprawled on the couch in front of your fan, the smoke from the blunt swirling in different patterns as Jisung drapes his leg over your lap.

"You wanna do shotgun?"- he asks, looking at you with his eyelids droopy and eyes red and you mirror his expression.

"It's gonna have to be a no."- you say with a snicker.

"Whyyyy?"- he whines, bringing his other leg up to rest it on your lap too.

"Because I know it's another one of your ways to try and kiss me."- you say with a dopey smile, your mind floaty and cloudy as you stare at Jisung's face, a goofy smile on his lips, his puffy cheeks looking extra squishy. You want to bite him.

"You're not getting in my pants."- you add and he laughs at you.

"We'll see about that."- he wiggles his eyebrows and the expression on his face just makes you laugh.

It's dumb but both of you have a fit of laughter and you forget all your worries, and Jisung scoots closer to you, he leans his head on your shoulder and plays with your fingers.

You want to protest and tell him to get his stinky self away from you but the weight of his legs on you and the way he gently touches your hand coupled with the effects of the weed bring you closer to the sleep you so badly crave.

-

"Ouch."- is the first thing that comes out of your mouth the next morning, the sunlight blinding you as soon as you open your eyes.

You feel dehydrated, sweaty and disoriented as you blink slowly, squinting your eyes as you look around. Somehow you ended up in your room, and judging by the snoring and the warm body attached to you, it was probably Jisung's doing.

You groan and try to escape his grasp but he wrapped both his arms and legs around you, clinging onto you like he never wants to let go.

You pinch his arm slightly and he stirs awake.

"What'd you do that for?"- his voice is deep and laced with sleep.

"Don't you have your own house?"- you ask.

"I like yours better."- he mutters, nuzzling into your neck. Goosebumps rise on your skin as he tightens his hold around you, his breath constantly tickling your skin.

"You're a pest."- you chuckle, wiggling away from him but you can't move at all.

"A pest who washes your dishes and brings you food. Hm, maybe you should consider being nice to me."- he lifts his upper body suddenly, staring down at you and you turn in his arms and look up at him.

You hate that your heart skips a beat when you see him first thing in the morning, his hair a mess of curls, eyes laced with sleep, his cute puffy cheeks and pouty lips, the shirt he stole from you messed up from sleeping, sliding down and revealing his skin.

"Get out of my bed."- you groan, wanting to run away far from him so you don't keep having these thoughts.

"That's not what you were saying last night."- he smirks.

"W-what do you mean?"- you stutter.

"Well, last night you were literally falling asleep on the couch and I asked if you want me to carry you to bed. You said yes so I did."- he keeps smirking. "And I was actually about to leave to sleep on your couch but you pulled me down and told me to stay here."

"Ugh. What did you put in that weed?"- your face is scrunched up as you finally free yourself from his hold.

"A love potion."- he narrows his eyes at you.

"I'm gonna go throw up."- you get up and Jisung's laughter echoes behind you as you make your way to the bathroom.

-

Working at the convenience store had you run into all sorts of people but it seemed that today every single annoying and rude person decided to shop.

You were this close to biting someone's head off, fuming as you stomped your feet to the bus station, some angry metal songs screaming into your ears.

The bus was also especially disgusting today, the smell of it making your stomach rise contantly coupled with a creepy old man staring at you the whole time made for a horrible ride home.

You practically ran from the station to your house, barging in as you opened the door. Forgot to lock up again, you think and shrug.

You almost trip over someone's legs and you're about to scream but the owner of the legs beats you to it.

"Jisung!"- you yell out, grabbing at your chest as he looks up at you, blinking innocently as he lays next to your couch on his stomach.

"You scared me so bad!"- he says and you shove his leg with your foot. The audacity.

"I scared you? You're in my house."- you put your hands on your hips, your eyebrows raising.

"You left it unlocked like always."- he says, his hands roaming under your couch.

"What the hell are you even doing?"- you ask confusedly.

"I'm looking for my lighter from last night! It's my favorite and I couldn't find it anywhere this morning so it has to be here somewhere."- he explains as he continues looking.

"We'll find it, no need to cry."- you chuckle, teasing him.

"I'm not crying. Yet."- he jokes and you laugh as he stands up, brushing off his pants.

"Oh, you look like shit."- he says as he finally looks at you closely.

"Wow, thanks."- you smack his arm and he squeals dramatically, grabbing at it.

"Sorry, I meant you look like you've had a bad day."- he says.

"I'm still having it."

"Not even my cute face makes it better?"- he pouts at you, batting his eyelashes.

"That makes it even worse."- you say, making a disgusted face. "Go to work Jisung and stop bothering me, I need to have the afternoon to myself."- you add, whining.

"So that means I'll come back after my shift."- he smirks.

"Only if you shower first."- you joke and he chuckles.

"Ofcourse. Now come here and let me give you a hug, you need one."- Jisung opens his arms.

"I really don't."- you shake your head at him.

"Yes, you really do."

"If you hug me I'll smack you!"

"Is that a promise?"- he smirks and you give in with a groan and let him wrap his arms around you.

You can truly never win, you always end up giving into his hugs and cuddles, knowing somewhere in the back of your mind that you crave to be close to him.

-

You had the whole afternoon planned out, cleaning up, doing some self care, taking a nap and then cooking dinner.

You ended up feeling sad and deflated, so you just stood under the shower, hoping that the water will somehow wash out the shitty day you had.

Fatigue got the better of you and you ended up falling asleep on your couch.

You stir awake, hearing the rustling of plastic bags and then a thud followed by Jisung cursing under his breath.

You lift your head up, squinting at him as he slowly walks towards you.

"Oh hey, did I wake you up?"- he asks gently.

"Yeah, kinda."- you say, feeling dizzy from the heat as you slowly sit up, wondering what day it is.

"I'm sorry."- he says as he puts the bags down.

"I hope this makes up for it. I brought you your favorite from work and I put extra love in it."- he smiles cutely and you really want to smack him in that moment, but in a good way.

"I'll think about forgiving you."- you tease and he chuckles.

"I'm gonna go shower and then I'll come hang with you."- he says.

"You mean annoy me?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."- he smirks.

You open up the bags and dig in immediately, your stomach growling at the sight of food.

Jisung comes back some 15 minutes later, practically skipping to you and throwing himself on the couch next to you, making you bounce a little.

"I left you some fries."- you say as you sip on your Coke.

"No, no, eat it all. I already ate at work."- he quickly shakes his head.

"Okay, don't need to tell me twice."- you start eating again and Jisung smiles at you adoringly.

"You won't believe the day I had."- he says when he snaps out of his trance.

"Tell me about it, I was this close to murdering someone."- you grumble.

"This woman came in and she returned her order 3 times, telling us it's not what she ordered when we clearly heard her say the order. Like we're some kind of five star restaurant not a freaking burger joint."

"Did she ask to talk to the manager?"- you snicker as you finish eating and lean back.

"Ofcourse she did, fucking Karen."- Jisung rolls his eyes and you laugh.

"The amount of those I had in the shop today. Not people making a fuss over yoghurt and milk, like I can't deal with them anymore. They wanna make petty drama where there is none. I wish I could just take a vacation away from everything."- you sigh and Jisung scoots closer to you, turning his body towards yours.

"Me too. I need a break."- he says and you turn to look at him, your heart skipping a beat when you realize how close his face is to yours.

"Let's run away."- he says suddenly and you laugh.

"We don't have any money to do that."- you say as you both lean on the headrest of your couch.

"We'll find a way. We can... juggle! Or sing on the street! Or you can read tarot cards!"- he flails his arms and you laugh, your giggles making Jisung's stomach swarm with butterflies.

"Keep pulling suggestions out of your ass."- you shake your head and he chuckles. "It's entertaining."

"But I'm for real. I would run away with you any time you asked. Like I'd pack my bags right now if you just said the word."- he says, his hand somehow finding yours.

"Where would we go?"- you ask, your fingers slotting between his.

"Anywhere we want. We would never stay in one place, we'd always look for new adventures. It would be me and you against the world."- he smiles, his boba eyes shiny as he looks at you.

"That sounds so nice."- your eyes fall to his lips. He's so close and it's so tempting but something inside you never lets you close that gap, mentally or physically.

Jisung's cheeks heat up as he catches you staring at his lips.

"But, it's just a fantasy."- you move away suddenly. "Real life is not like that. Real life is rude customers, exploitative bosses, barely making ends meet and this stupid heat that's making me feel even more disgusting."

"Way to bring the mood down."- Jisung snickers, squeezing your hand.

"You know me, y/n the party pooper."- you chuckle and he laughs.

"Oh but the party didn't even start yet!"- Jisung smirks and grabs the remote, turning the channels until he finds the commercial one, you always watch it together after midnight if you can't sleep, laughing at stupid stuff people sell.

"Oh my god!"- you chuckle. "This requires beer."

You go to get up but Jisung stops you.

"Let me."

"Damn, is Han Jisung actually a gentleman?"- you tease, wiggling your eyebrows.

"I'll have you know that I'm a perfect gentleman."

"Mhm, right. I'll see about that."- you say as he brings two cans of beer.

"Yes you will."- he smirks, sitting down next to you.

Someone is selling a gilded statue of a peacock, complete with different colored jewels all over it.

"So kitschy. Like who'd want that staring at them at their house? My eyes would hurt."- you say with disgust on your face.

"It would be funny to get it though."- Jisung says and you laugh.

"They still didn't reveal the price. How much do you think it costs?"- you ask as the woman on the tv describes the kitschy statue and the materials it's made of.

"Why don't you take a guess? If you guess right, I'll do anything you ask of me and if you're way off you have to kiss me."- Jisung smirks and you smack his thigh.

"Again with the kissing! Fine! Let's do it. I guess 200 dollars."- you say annoyed and he laughs at you as he rubs his thigh.

"Alright, I guess 300 dollars."- he says.

You wait for the reveal in anticipation, and when the woman says 350 dollars, you freeze.

"Guess I owe you a kiss."- you sigh and turn towards Jisung.

He lookes completely and utterly bamboozled, his lips falling open as he stares at you, not blinking.

"Jisung?"- you wave a hand in front of his face.

"Right."- Jisung laughs, thinking you're joking around so he puckers his lips towards you, exaggerating for the effect, his eyes closed.

"Ji, please be normal about this."- you warn him, your hand on his and his eyes snap open.

"W-we're actually gonna kiss?! You're actually gonna kiss me?!"- he freaks out suddenly, his eyes widdened.

"A bet is a bet."- you shrug with a smirk, but on the inside you're freaking out the same way Jisung is.

"I'll take it."- he nods quickly.

"Why don't you start breathing first?"- you laugh, scooting closer to him so your knees are touching.

"Right, breathing, that's like important."- he says and takes a deep breath in as you giggle at him.

It's almost 2am and you decide to throw everything out the window as you lean in closer to Jisung's face. You can hear his breath hitch as you gently brush your lips on his.

Without any more stalling, you finally close the gap and press your lips into his. Your mind feels dizzy instantly, his lips are so soft and pliant against yours as he kisses you back eagerly.

You can feel the relief in his movements, like he was waiting for this for so long, and frankly so were you.

His hand ends up on your waist and you cup his face, some kind of hunger brewing inside you as you deepen the kiss, your tongue prying his lips open, making him moan.

His arms wrap around you as your tongues fight for dominance, making the kiss needy and messy, your teeth clashing and spit dribbling down your chin.

When you part for air both of you look dazed and Jisung squirms uncomfortably as he looks down. Your eyes follow his gaze and you chuckle at the prominent bulge in his sweatpants.

"Really, Ji? One kiss is all it takes to have you this turned on?"- you grab his thigh and he jolts, gasping as he looks up at you.

"Don't make fun of me! It's your fault anyways."

"Oh it is, hm?"- you smirk, massaging his inner thigh, making his hips lift up for some kind of friction.

"Yeah, so help me get rid of it?"- he blinks at you with those puppy eyes of his, a cute pout on his lips for added effect.

The little manipulator.

"You're a horny little boy, Ji."- you chuckle, hooking your fingers in his pants and he gasps.

"Woah, you're going straight for it?!"- he panicks.

"What, do you want me to introduce myself to it first? State my name and business?"- you snicker and he laughs, smacking your arm.

"You make me feel so self-conscious just so you know."- Jisung groans as his head falls back and he covers his eyes with his arm.

"Aw, baby is shy."- you coo and pull his pants down in one swift move.

Jisung whines as his cock smacks against his stomach and your mouth waters at the sight.

"Damn, didn't know you were packing this much."- you say, your hand instantly wrapping around his throbbing member, the pre-cum already lubing your hand up as it dribbles down.

"Ahh, don't say shit like that. I'm gonna cum."- he whimpers and you laugh as you squeeze his cock, making his hips jolt upwards into your hand.

"Already? I didn't even do anything."- you smirk, running your thumb through his slit, playing with the pre-cum oozing out of it.

"Yes you did. You're... you."- he says.

"What does that mean?"- you chuckle, playing with the sensitive underside of his head, making his cock twitch in your hold.

"Means anything you do gets me hot."- he whines.

"Oh yeah? Is that why you can't look at me, Ji?"- you tease, grabbing his arm and trying to pry it off of his face.

He just whines and doesn't budge.

"Look at me, Jisung."- you say sternly, squeezing his cock again.

"Ah, fuck!"- he whines and finally looks at you.

His face is red in arousal and embarassment and you chuckle at the state of him.

"Keep your eyes on me."- you order, moving your hand up and down.

"Oh my god, y/n."- he whimpers, instantly looking down at your hand pleasuring him.

"Eyes on me, baby."- you warn again and he looks at you quickly.

You manage to slide your tank top down and Jisung's eyes are as wide as saucers.

"I see you always staring at my breasts."- you smirk, your free hand coming up to play with your nipple. "Would you like to touch them?"

"Y-yes, yes I would!"- he whimpers as you speed up your movement on his painfully hard cock, the squelching sounds going straight to your core.

"Say please."- you smirk, leaning closer to him.

"Please! Please!"- he looks desperate as you tease him, your breasts almost on his face.

"Okay, you can touch."- you say and his hands are instantly squeezing your flesh, thumbs running over your nipples.

He looks fixated so you change up the rhythm of your hand, cupping his balls with your other hand.

"S-shit!"- Jisung moans loudly as his cock twitches hard in your hand, and he cums, ropes of white cum painting your hand and his thighs.

Both of you gasp and he whines, his hands coming up to cover his face.

"Well, that was quick."- you chuckle.

"Oh my god, that's so embarassing. Please don't laugh at me."- he mumbles behind his hands as you wipe yours clean.

"Hey, don't be embarassed."- you quickly grab his hands, moving them away from his face. "I think that was so fucking hot."

"R-really?"- he pouts.

"Well, yeah. Shows me how much you want me."- you say, your eyes full of lust.

"I do, I want you so bad. I-I can go for more rounds if you're down."- he says almost timidly and you really want to eat him up.

"Ofcourse. I hate unfinished business."- you waste no time as you take off your pants and Jisung is quick to take his shirt off.

"Stay like that. I wanna ride your pretty cock."- you narrow your eyes at him and he whimpers.

"God, please do!"- he says, his voice strained as you grab his sensitive cock.

You throw your leg over him and hover above him as you start jerking him off again.

"Touch me."- you grab his wrist and pull his hand towards your pussy, dripping with arousal and begging to be filled up.

He runs his fingers on your wet folds, rubbing your pussy and you let out a needy moan as you grind against his fingers.

"Look who else is desperate."- Jisung smirks, feeling his chest swell with pride that he's the one making you feel like this.

"Shut up and put them in."- you groan, landing a light slap on his cock and he moans loudly, pushing his fingers inside your wetness as he squirms under your touch.

"D-don't make me cum yet."- he whimpers as you keep a steady pace on his cock while he starts fucking his fingers in and out of you, matching the speed of your hand.

"Ah, Jisung!"- you whine when he hits the spot inside you, making your legs shake.

The way you moaned his name got him twitching in your hand again. He speeds up and you grab his hand suddenly, stopping him.

"I don't want to fuck around anymore. I'm gonna fuck you now."- you smirk and he gulps, pulling his fingers out of your pussy and you aim his dick towards your entrance, sliding the wet head against your warmness.

Jisung plops his fingers in his mouth sucking on them and tasting your juices and you whine at the sight, sinking on his cock at the same time.

Jisung's head falls back as he pulls his fingers out with a pop, letting out a strained moan at the feeling of your velvety walls sliding down on his hard cock.

He grips your hips as you wrap your arms around his neck and start bouncing on him fast immediately, your thighs smacking down on his, your titties bouncing in his face.

Jisung starts whining desperately, he can't wrap his head around the fact that you're fucking on him so desperately, your nails digging into his back.

"Fuck me harder!"- he whines, pushing his hips up and you whimper as you fuck on him as fast and hard as you can. He follows your pace and meets your movements with his thrusts, pushing his cock so deep inside you that the tip presses into your cervix, making you see stars.

"Ah, Ji, you feel so good!"- you moan as you grip his shoulders, the couch creaking under the two of you fucking like some kind of feral animals.

"Mm you feel so good too. So tight around me."

Jisung digs his heels into your carpet and fucks you even harder, his hand landing a smack on your ass.

"Ow!"- you whimper and Jisung apologizes immediately, caressing your ass but he felt the way your pussy clenched around him when he spanked you.

"No, it's okay. Do it again."- you groan, barely catching a breath, your thighs are burning from all the exertion but the way his cock feels inside you beats the need to give your legs a rest.

Jisung's eyes are glazed over as he smacks you hard again, your hand tangles in his hair as you moan his name loudly. He leans in and captures your nipple in his mouth, sucking on it as he grips your ass, plummeting into your clenching hole.

You feel crazy as your orgasm hits you harder than ever before and you lift off of his dick just to squirt all over him.

"Jisung!"- you whimper and then look down realizing he's cumming too, just from the sight of you squirting and you grab his cock and help him get to his high.

"Ahh, y/n..."- he keeps moaning your name as you milk him dry, sweat covering both of your bodies, the fan behind you helping you cool down as goosebumps rise on your skin.

"Fuck that was so hot."- Jisung groans as the two of you cling to each other, not caring about the stickiness.

"Mhm."- you try to breathe as you lean your forehead on his shoulder.

"Can't believe I made you squirt."- he smirks and you lift up to look at him.

"Are you hard again?"- you chuckle in disbelief as you feel him grow beneath you.

"I told you I could go for more rounds."- he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Fine, let's go upstairs."- you stand up, wobbling on your feet a little and he helps you get steady.

"Really?"- he looks up at you cutely.

"Well, I'm not sleeping tonight."- you chuckle and he giggles as he lets you pull him up.

As soon as you get to your room, both of you fall into your bed and between the mess of sheets Jisung and you spend the night indulging in each other.

"I feel disgusting."- you whine 3 more rounds later as the two of you lay on your back and try to catch some breaths.

"Hey!"- he whines, smacking your thigh lightly and you laugh.

"Not like that. I mean the heat is disgusting. This really didn't help with that."- you look at him and he chuckles.

"I'd say it was worth it."- he smiles, his eyes hopeful and sparkly.

"I agree."- you nod and Jisung lifts up to give you a gentle kiss, contrast to the hungry and passionate kisses the two of you spent the night sharing.

It's almost 6am when the two of you are done cleaning up and changing the sheets.

"Are you gonna throw me out now?"- Jisung jokes as you lay down and he sits on your bed.

"Like that would work on you."- you chuckle and he laughs as he lays down.

"You know, my shift starts in two hours."- he says as he holds your hand.

"What?!"- you gasp and flick his forehead as he whines. "Why didn't you tell me you had the morning shift, you fool?"

"Well, I didn't want to lose what might've been my only chance."- he says quietly and you lean in and bite into his bicep making him yelp.

"What's that for?"- Jisung whimpers, grabbing at his arm.

"Nothing, you're just dumb and adorable. Now go to sleep."

-

You wake up around 11, the spot beside you empty and everything floods back into your mind, you can't believe you did all that sober.

A part of you feels embarassed but you know it was bound to happen sooner or later. Deep inside, you know you cared about Jisung a lot and you hoped he felt the same.

Losing him is unimaginable and even though he annoys you, you know you enjoy him 'bothering' you every day more than you would like to admit.

You're off work today so you finally gather the strength to clean up your whole house, and when you move your couch to vacuum, you see a little shiny lighter behind it.

You chuckle as you pick it up, it's Jisung's favorite lighter, one you covered with shiny stickers and heart doodles when both of you were high. You sigh and put it aside, wondering how Jisung will act today with you after everything that happened between the two of you last night.

You take a shower and a nap, and before long it's 5pm and your door swings open.

You're in the kitchen, finishing up on dinner as Jisung strolls in with a big smile on his face.

"Hey."- you say and he laughs as he pulls you into his arms.

"I missed you all day."- he says into your hair as he holds you tight and you wrap your arms around his dainty waist.

"Oh yeah?"- you smirk.

"Mhm."- he nuzzles into you. "I know you missed me too, admit it."- he adds and you chuckle as you both lean back to look at each other.

"Yeah, sure."- you tease him.

"I was gonna text you but um... my phone fell into the hot oil in our fryer."

"Oh my god Jisung! Stuff like that only happens to you."- you laugh and he shakes his head.

"Don't mock my troubles. I have to buy a new phone now."- he pouts.

"Why were you even looking at your phone near the hot oil?"- you chuckle, turning off the stove.

"I was... looking at your pics."- he says, his puffy cheeks rosy as he looks away.

"Ofcourse you were, you stalker."- you smack his arm. "Don't act all shy now, we're way pass that."- you add and he groans.

"You ruin every cute moment on purpose."- he pouts.

"And you bother me 24/7 but you don't hear me complain."- you tease.

"You complain all the time."- he snickers and you laugh.

"You don't mind, do you?"- you ask, hating that you feel vunerable in that moment but it's Jisung, your Jisung.

"Ofcourse I don't."- he says gently, sensing the shift in the tone and he leans closer to you, cupping your face.

"Can I kiss you?"

"I think we're way pass that too."- both of you chuckle as your lips collide in a sweet, gentle kiss.

It doesn't take much time for the kiss to get heated, and for Jisung to push you against the kitchen elements.

"Woah, calm down big boy. Dinner first."- you smirk and he laughs.

"Alright, but just because you cooked. You even cleaned up, what gives? I made you so happy last night that you were on cloud 9 today?"- he teases you and you narrow your eyes at him.

"What if I was?"- you tease back, pinching his cheek and he whines, grabbing at it dramatically.

"I was too. That's why I put my phone into the fryer instead of the fries."- he confesses and you laugh loudly, grabbing at your stomach.

"Go ahead, laugh at my misery."- Jisung says, but he's smiling too.

"Sorry, that's just such a Jisung thing to do. Like somehow your lighter ending up behind the couch."- you add, pulling the lighter out of your pocket and showing it to him.

"Oh, you found it! I knew it was somewhere around here."- he smiles as he takes it from your open palm and you can't help but wonder why he loves it so much.

"Why is it your favorite?"- you ask and he looks up at you, his eyes wide before they soften.

"Remember when I got it? Both of us had a bad day and it was raining like hell. I came to you with a baggy and you rolled a perfect joint like you always do. But, we couldn't find a lighter that was working so we had to run to the gas station in the rain like two idiots. And when we came back you let me shower here and you gave me your Sonic Youth shirt, which I know is your favorite so that was a great honor to me. To get to wear your favorite shirt that smells like you. And then you decorated the lighter when we finished smoking and you gave it to me and threatened that if I ever lost it you would kick me."- he laughs and you chuckle, your face burning and heart beating fast at the way he talked about you and that evening.

Ofcourse you remember, you remember every night with him.

"That was such a y/n thing to do."- he adds and you laugh as he grabs your hand.

"I guess it was."- you squeeze his hand lightly as you stare at each other.

"I told you I'd get in your pants."- he smirks suddenly and you roll your eyes, groaning at him.

"Ruining the moment. And it wasn't me this time."- you point at him and he laughs.

"Okay, how about this for the moment?"- he swallows and leans in closer.

"I love you, y/n. And I'm in love with you. Like so desperately. I can't stop thinking about you 24/7 and my favorite parts of the day are the parts I share with you. I know I bother you a lot and cling to you but I don't know how to stop. You're my favorite person ever. You're my person."- Jisung says and you almost melt down into a puddle.

"Don't stop bothering me ever, Ji. Because I... I love you too. And you're my favorite person in the whole world too."- you confess finally, feeling like a burden was lifted off of your heart.

"Good, because you can't get rid of me that easily."- he smirks, his lips on yours.

"Mhm."- you mutter against him, wanting to throw a witty comment back at him but he kisses you with so much emotion that any word lingering on your lips dies and you kiss back, grabbing at his shirt and pulling him closer to you.

"Hope you know I'll be spending even more time at your house now."- he smirks when you pull away.

"Ugh, I might start locking my door finally."- you joke and Jisung snorts.

"You'd forget to do it after one time."

"But you'll be there to remind me?"

"Ofcourse."

And he stays with you as he promised, selling his house a few months later and moving in with you even though it seemed like he was living there already.

More than half of his stuff was already in your house so the move in was easy. He remembered the night you talked about needing a break from everything and as soon as fall brought colder weather and less customers, the two of you planned a little trip.

You always heard that it can't get more better than having that one in a million chance to love and be loved by your favorite person in the whole world.

And you have that, you think as you smile at Jisung's silly cute face, and he looks at you mirroring your smile, making you feel like you're home with him, no matter where you are.

✨Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @laylasbunbunny

[souliebird]

[[and then I met you || ch. 14]]

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

Words: 3.8k

ao3 link

banner thanks to the wonderful @theradioactivespidergwen

A loud, angry voice wakes Minnie from her sleep.

It takes her a few moments to process the change, but once she does, she focuses on finding the source of the bad noise. It's coming from below her, a few floors down. She can't understand the words - Mommy says people speak lots of different languages so this must be one of them - but she knows it is Mister Chavez. He's a nice man who helps Mommy with the trash, sometimes. Minnie likes him.

She lets her ears open up more and quickly finds out why he is so grumpy - he is watching television. She recognizes the sounds as some sort of sport. Mommy says sometimes people yell at their television when watching sports because they love their team and get excited - but they aren't really angry. That makes her feel better - she doesn't like it when people are angry. It's scary.

But he is still being loud, and even though she knows he's not really mad, she doesn't want to hear him. Minnie wants to listen to good noises when she sleeps.

Her favorite noise to sleep to is her Mommy's heart and it can make all the bad noises go away and right now, she wants to be extra close so it's really loud.

So, Minnie reaches up and pulls her sleep headband down so it's around her neck and rolls out of bed.

Mommy went to sleep the same time she did, which is weird because Mommy also took a nap with her after they came back from the park. Mommy doesn't take naps - she's an Adult, but all day she's been sleepy. She doesn't understand why - they didn't do anything Big, like go somewhere special or do lots of things.

Minnie crosses the short distance between her bed and her Mommy's and quickly climbs up the bigger one. Mommy is on her back and under her covers, still asleep. The loud noises don't bother her because she can't hear them like Minnie and Daddy can. That makes Minnie happy - Mommy needs lots of sleep.

But she's hogging all the blankets and Minnie wants to get under them, too, so she shakes her shoulder, “Mommy, share the blankie.”

Nothing happens.

Minnie pouts and shakes her again, just a little harder, “Mommy, I'm cold, too.”

Mommy makes an upset noise in her throat, but she doesn't wake up or give up any of the blanket. Minnie frowns and looks back to her bed - she could get her blanket if Mommy doesn't want to share, but she likes Mommy’s blanket more. It smells like her.

Maybe she can crawl in from the bottom, near Mommy's feet.

As she considers this option, something new catches her attention.

Something smells stinky.

It doesn't smell stinky like the train or the monster her Daddy chased away a few nights ago - she doesn't know this smell, but she quickly decides she doesn't like it. It smells like wet and dirty and it's really close. It is inside the bedroom. She turns to start looking around, trying to find where it is coming from. Nothing in the room looks different and she knows things don't just get stinky. Something has to happen to make it stinky. She closes her eyes and opens her mouth a little like Daddy taught her, and breaths in through her nose. The smell is stronger behind her, so she tries to follow it, crawling closer.

She runs right into Mommy.

The bad smell is coming from her.

Minnie doesn't understand. Mommy never smells bad, ever, and she didn't smell bad before they went to sleep. Why does Mommy smell bad now?

She tries to wake her up again, shaking her shoulder hard, but Mommy just scrunches up her face. She doesn't wake up.

Minnie is starting to get scared.

“Mommy, wake up!” She tries tugging the blanket next, but it is wrapped tight. Her next idea is to start patting her face and that is when Minnie gets her next clue.

Mommy's skin is really warm, like she's been in the sun, and she's sweaty. Did Mommy go outside when Minnie was sleeping?

But that doesn't make sense, the sun isn't up. It's night time and Mommy wouldn't leave her alone during the night. Mommy never leaves her alone - she always has a babysitter.

Why would Mommy be hot and sweaty and stinky and not wake up?

She sticks her fingers in her mouth and starts to suck on them as she thinks hard - like she's trying to figure out a puzzle.

Minnie gasps when she realizes it - Mommy is sick!

Mommy has never been sick before, not that Minnie can remember, and if she's sick, she needs a doctor. Minnie knows how to be a doctor!

No longer as scared now that she knows what is wrong, Minnie slides off the bed and hurries to her toy chest. She has a whole doctor kit full of all sorts of things - it even has a doctor's coat and glasses. She takes the big bag out and sets it on the ground so she can pull out the costume and put it on. She has to push up the sleeves because they are too long, but it doesn't matter.

Now she's Doctor Minnie and can help her Mommy.

She hikes the bag up on her shoulder and brings it back to the bed. It takes her a few tries to get it up beside her Mommy - the bed is high up and the bag is heavy - but once it is, she climbs up too and starts looking through her supplies.

She pulls out the step-scope first and puts the plugs into her ears. She doesn't need it to listen to Mommy's heart, but doctor's do, so she's going to use it. She puts the end-circle on Mommy's chest and listens Hard. Her heart doesn't sound any different than normal. It is a little faster, like she's been walking around a lot, but that isn't weird. Minnie is used to that sound - so it's not why Mommy is sick. She puts her step-scope back into her bag and takes out the next tool.

She knows the little hammer is supposed to be used to hit her Mommy's knees, but they are under the covers, so she isn't sure if it will work. She tries anyway. She bonks where she thinks her knees are and absolutely nothing happens. She isn't surprised - Mommy's head smells stinky, not her legs. That is not why she is sick.

Her next toy is the therm-o-meter. She puts it against her Mommy's forehead and presses the button. The toy lights up, the screen flashing red a few times before becoming solid. She brings it closer to her face to examine. She doesn't know what the numbers mean, but she guesses it says her Mommy is sick.

She turns off that toy then starts digging in the bag again, looking at what she has to help. She finds the band-aids first, which won't help at all. That is for boo-boos and Mommy doesn't have one of those. She finds what she needs at the bottom of the bag and removes it carefully. She doesn't know what it is called but it gives shots - and shots help people not be sick. Mommy told her that - that's why she has to go get them from the doctor.

Shots go in the arm, so Minnie needs to move the blanket out of the way. Mommy wrapped herself up tight, so it is hard, but she manages to pull it enough so her shoulder is out. That is part of the arm, so it counts. She doesn't want to mess up, so Minnie takes her time picking up the shot-giver and pulling back the pusher. She places it in the middle of Mommy's arm, as low as she can get it, then pushes the pusher back down slowly. Once it's all the way down, she sets the toy aside. She remembers that shots do get a band aid, so she takes one out of the box and opens it. It's pink, to match the rest of the set, and it goes over where Minnie gave her Mommy the shot.

To make sure it works extra well, Minnie adds a kiss, then sits back to wait.

She starts sucking on her fingers again, not to help her think, but because it helps her not be scared - and she's scared her Mommy isn't going to wake up. She doesn't know how long she is supposed to wait for medicine to work - when she plays Doctor with her toys it is always right away. But Mommy isn't a toy. She sits and waits for what feels like at least thirty-two minutes before she tries shaking her Mommy again, “Wake up. Mommy, wake up, please. You gotta wake up.”

She doesn't wake up. She doesn't stop being stinky. She stays asleep and sick.

Minnie doesn't like this. She wants her Mommy to wake up and hug her and tell her it is okay. She doesn't understand why she won't wake up.

Minnie gave her a shot - that should have made her better, right?

Does she need to go to the real doctor? She can't go to the real doctor if she is asleep and Minnie doesn't know how to call the doctor to tell him to come.

Minnie sniffles, trying to hold back from crying. She has to be a big girl, she can't be a baby - being a baby won't help Mommy. She wipes at her eyes with the sleeve of her doctor's coat and tries her bestest to think.

What did Mommy say in their last Big Girl Talk?

They talked about what it means to have a Daddy now. Mommy had told her that meant he was like Mommy, but a boy, and anything that Minnie went to her for, she could also talk to Daddy about.

Maybe Daddy can help Mommy, like he helped with the Monster.

But Daddy isn't here. He doesn't live with them.

But maybe he can hear her? He has really good hearing like Minnie does.

With a new plan in mind, Minnie climbs off the bed and leaves the bedroom. The fan and a/c make lots of noise and he might not hear her over them. The living room is quiet, though, and she gets up onto the couch before looking straight up at the ceiling. Daddy was up there last time.

“Daddy?” She asks, “Daddy, are you there?”

She waits, but there is no answer. Maybe she needs to be louder? So, she tries again, speaking in her Outside Voice.

“Daddy, it's Minnie. Daddy? Can you hear me? I need you, please, thank you.”

The only response she gets is the city. It's not as loud as normal, there's not as many cars or people because it's night - people sleep at night. Maybe he is asleep and can't hear her? Or he is too far away and his hearing can't reach her.

If he is too far away to hear with his ears, she has to find another way for him to hear her. Mommy talks to him on her phone when he is far away, so she has to try that next.

Mommy keeps her phone next to her bed, so Minnie goes back into the bedroom. She's not supposed to play with the phone, but this isn't playing - this is an Emergency. She's allowed to use it for emergencies - even though she never has before. She knows how to unlock it - the numbers are her birthday - and the screen lights up. She looks from the bright phone back to her Mommy sleeping on the bed. It's rude to talk on the phone when someone is sleeping, so back out to the living room and the couch she goes.

She settles into the cushions then stares at the phone. She knows how to bring up YouTube but not how to call someone, but she can talk to the phone and tell it what to do. She's done that before and Mommy does it all the time. She just has to say the magic words.

“Hey, Siri, call Daddy, please, thank you.”

The phone lights up as it thinks, then the robot-lady in the phone says, “Uh-oh, I do not have a phone number for Daddy.”

Minnie pouts at the phone - she knows that isn't true. Mommy calls Daddy all the time. Then it occurs to her Mommy doesn't call him Daddy. She has to use his grown up name. She tries again, “Siri, please call Mister Matt, please, thank you.”

“Calling Matt Murdock,” the robot-lady says and a moment later, ringing starts coming through the phone. Minnie quickly holds it up to her ear and waits for him to answer.

He doesn't answer. It just rings and rings until another robot-lady starts talking instead, but Minnie doesn't want to talk to her, so she presses the big red button to end the call.

She doesn't know why he didn't answer. His hearing is extra good, so if he was sleeping, he should have heard it - like Minnie heard Mister Chavez. She tries to think of why he wouldn't answer and decides he must not have his phone - Mommy does that sometimes. She forgets her phone places, like she'll leave it in the bathroom.

Maybe he left his phone in the bathroom.

She makes another attempt, telling the phone again to call her Daddy but nothing changes. Only the robot-lady talks to her.

Minnie glares at the phone as she tries to figure out what to do. Mommy needs a doctor and Daddy isn't answering.

Her conclusion is she needs another Adult. She doesn't know many Adults. She knows Miss Apple, who runs Daycare, and Miss Linda, but Minnie doesn't think she is supposed to call them. Mommy never talks to them on the phone, even if they are Adults.

Daddy's friends are Adults, though, and she heard Miss Karen and Froggy tell Mommy to call if she ever needs anything, so maybe it is okay to call them? Minnie hopes so.

Froggy is Daddy’s bestest friend, so that is who she decides to call. If he doesn't answer, she will call Miss Karen. She wipes at her face again, clearing away any tears, then asks the robot-lady, “Hey Siri, call Froggy, please, thank you.”

The phone starts to ring and, to her great delight and relief, is answered after only a few moments. It sounds like he almost drops it before she can hear him breathing directly into her ear.

“‘lo?” A very tired sounding Froggy asks.

“Froggy!” She tries her best to not yell, but she is so happy he answered the phone and now she can help Mommy. Part of her wants to cry because she is happy, but she still needs to be a Big Girl.

She can hear lots of movement on the other end of the call before he answers her, “Minnie, is that you?” He sounds very Worried.

“Yes,” is her response, because it is her. She knows she is supposed to wait for more questions, but she can't help herself. She does her best to not rush out her words.“I need help, please, thank you. Mommy is sick and she won't wake up and she needs to go to the doctor.”

Froggy says a Bad Word, then, “where are you, Minnie?”

“I'm on the couch. It's rude to talk on the phone when someone is sleeping,” she explains, then adds, “Mommy is in bed.”

“Okay. Okay. Did you try to call your Daddy?” He asks. She can hear him moving around a lot more now and that makes her happy. He's going to come help her and she doesn't need to be scared. Froggy is an Adult and can take Mommy to the doctor and she can get better.

“He didn't answer. I tried two times and he's not outside. I can't hears him outside,” she tells him. Froggy knows she and Daddy can hear everything, so that is important to let him know that.

“Of course, he didn't answer,” Froggy says, then he says another Bad Word in a grumpy voice, before his voice gets Nice again, “Okay, sweetie, can you listen to me?”

“I'm listening!” She can listen really good and follow directions. She's a Big Girl.

“I'm going to call your Daddy. He has a…different phone he uses at night. I'm going to call that phone and tell him he needs to come over, okay? And I'm going to come over, too,” he explains.

“A different phone…?” She doesn't understand why he would have more than one but maybe it is an Adult thing.

“Yeah, sweetie, a different phone. But to call it, I need to not be on the phone with you. Is that okay?” Froggy asks.

“You're both gonna come?”

“We're both gonna come,” he promises, “I'll keep calling him until he answers, and we're gonna come over and take care of you and your Mommy. Okay?”

Minnie starts to suck on her finger as she thinks over what he said. She wants to stay on the phone with Froggy - she’s scared and she doesn't want to be alone while her Mommy is sick, but he needs to call her Daddy. Mommy needs Daddy more than Minnie needs Froggy. Part of being a Big Girl is being brave when things are scary and she needs to be brave for her Mommy. She drops her hand to her lap and mumbles, “Okay.”

“Okay, Minnie,” Froggy says, then he gets a nice voice again and she can tell he is smiling, “You did a really good job calling me. I'm proud of you.”

The words make her smile, too, and she tells him, “I'm being a Big Girl.”

“Yes, you are,” he agrees, “You are being such a big girl right now. Your Mommy and Daddy are going to be proud, too. Now, I'm going to hang up and call your Daddy. He might get there before me, but I'm on my way, too. If anything happens, you can call me back, and I'll answer. Understand?”

“I understand,” she says, because she does. Froggy will answer his phone if Minnie calls him. Even if it is night time and everyone else is sleeping.

“Okay, good girl. I'm hanging up now, okay?”

“Okay. Bye-bye,” she says because that is how Mommy says to end a call. She lowers the phone from her face and hits the big red button.

She decides to keep the phone with her and slides off the couch, putting it into her doctor's coat pocket.

Now that she has called an Adult to help, Minnie doesn't know what she's supposed to do, but she does know she wants something to hug to make her feel better. She goes back to the bedroom and grabs Pig and Scooby off her bed before squeezing them tightly to her. They are soft and smell like Mommy and Daddy and make things less scary. Everything will be okay if she has them.

She looks over to where Mommy is sleeping and frowns. She hasn't moved at all since Minnie went to try to call Daddy. Minnie sucks on her lip since her hands are busy holding her toys and tries to figure out what to do next, but all she can think about is how sad Mommy looks in bed.

Does Mommy know she's sick and that's why she won't wake up? Is she scared like Minnie is?

Minnie doesn't want her to be scared.

She rocks side to side for a moment as she thinks over how to make her Mommy not be scared, then slowly makes her way to the bed. She sets Pig down in the ground then, with Scooby Doo in her arms, crawls up to be next to her Mommy. With great care, she places him next to the pillow, then leans in to whisper, “Scooby, you need to watch over, Mommy, okay? I gotta go wait for Daddy and Froggy.”

She pats Scooby on his big head before slowly bending over to give her Mommy a kiss on the cheek, “Don't be scared, Mommy, Scooby knows a lot about being brave when you're scared…and he'll keep you safe, okay?”

Mommy doesn't respond.

Her doctor glasses fall off as she slides back to the floor and she knows she should pick them up, but she doesn't. Instead, she picks up Pig and goes back out to the living room. She opens up her ears again as she does - Mister Chavez is still watching his sports but the rest of the building is quiet. Everyone else is sleeping, even the doggies and kitties.

She tries to listen for Daddy and Froggy as she sits down in front of the television. She closes her eyes and remembers what Daddy said about looking for things. She has to Turn Off the sounds she doesn't want, like turning off the television. She squeezes Pig tight to her and tries really really hard.

Daddy isn't an animal, so she can turn off the doggies barking and the rats getting their dinners. There are no birdies or alleycats around to send away.

“Bye-bye,” she mumbles and closes her ears to them. Her little section of the world slowly gets quieter until she's pretty sure there are no more animals left to distract her.

Next is city noises.

There aren't many cars out on her block - just a taxi man listening to music. He's not Daddy, so she says goodbye to him, too, before he goes away. His car disappears around with him, since there is no one else in there with the taxi man.

Her head is really starting to hurt from all the loud noises she hasn't turned off yet. It's making her dizzy because it's coming from all over and it's hard to understand what it all is. Everything is starting to just become one big scream and she can't tell what is what.

“MINNIE!”

She hears her Daddy’s voice through all the other noises loud and clear and she can't be a Big Girl anymore.

She bursts into tears and begins crying loudly.

She doesn't want to be brave anymore. She's scared. She wants her Mommy to wake up and not be sick. She wants to get into bed and cuddle and watch cartoons on the StarkPad.

She wants her Mommy.

She wants her Daddy.

She turns off her ears and sobs and sobs until two strong arms wrap around her and she is crushed into her Daddy's chest. She clings to him, burying her face into his neck and lets him overwhelm her senses until she can't cry anymore.

Little Doctor Minnie passes out from sheer exhaustion, cradled in the arms of the Devil of Hell's Kitchen.

-----

a/n: everyone tell Doctor Minnie how proud of her you are

---

tags:

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[mr2swap]

The great shift: Swap Sindrome 1

In a dimly lit room, I was masturbating with my fingertips in front of a pale white monitor. As I watched the images of boys around the age of high school students lined up on the screen, I fantasized about taking off their clothes and touching their naked bodies.

-ahh, ahh… ahh-

I closed my eyes as I fantasized about the scenes that were still etched in my memory, the memories of my body and my Gymbros in the locker room flooded my mind, At this moment there was nothing erotic about looking at my best friends or touching their oily and muscles to feel The Progress we had made in the gym, but now it was different, I was different.

I continued looking at the photographs that were shown on the Instagram profiles of my former friends, while the desperation and excitement with which I moved My small cock increased more and more.

I kept changing the photos until a photograph of my old body was displayed on the entire screen. I enlarged the photograph just so I could rotate the most erotic parts of my old body. I focused my gaze on the armpits that still had a couple of drops of stinky and sticky sweat running down towards my abdomen.

-FUUUCK! What I wouldn't give to smell those musky holes again-

The shameful and perverted words that came out of my mouth really embarrassed me, but right now I had no control over myself the only thing I wanted was to fantasize about my old hairy armpits, lick his hard biceps and play with his grazed nipples, The memory of the last time I could smell a sweaty t-shirt from my original body made me ejaculate violently, the semen spread across the keyboard of the old computer that was in front of me.

At that moment my head cleared, from one moment to the next the animal instincts that dominated me a few seconds ago immediately disappeared... and then only remorse.

I took a piece of paper that was within my reach and began to clean up the mess that I had caused myself. When I finished cleaning my little cock, I threw the ball of paper into the trash can that was saturated with balls identical to that one in a yellowish color. And they left a disgusting smell in my room.

I stood up, pulled up my pants and slowly walked towards the kitchen, avoiding looking at my fat old face on the relevant surfaces that were in my messy apartment. After doing this, I feel disgusting, but no matter how hard I try to stop thinking about my old life and in my old body.

-The swap syndrome…-

I said quietly trying to justify my depraved obsession with my old life, I had all the symptoms I had read on the internet:

“ Swap syndrome is a disorder characterized by a persistent and overwhelming obsession with a person's past life after experiencing a body swap with another. This syndrome manifests itself when two individuals involuntarily exchange their bodies thanks to the event known as “The great shift.”

People affected by SS experience intense longing and nostalgia for their previous life. They feel a deep disconnection from their new body and struggle to adapt to their new physical identity. Meanwhile, they constantly long to return to their old lives, including their relationships, daily routines, and everyday activities.

Symptoms of SS may include episodes of obsessional love, masturbation, anxiety, depression, and dissociation, as well as a decrease in social and occupational functioning. Affected people may manifest compulsive behaviors related to the search for ways to reverse the body exchange and recover their previous life.“

I've been trapped in the body of this overweight middle-aged man named Hiroshi for two years, and one day I just woke up in a room full of trash and on the other side of the world. It had been a few hours since all this had started So it was easy I searched what was happening on the internet I tried to contact my parents, but none of them responded to me even now I haven't seen my parents after so long, maybe they have They've gotten better bodies and now they're having fun. Or maybe they're in one of the many prisons trapped in the body of some convict, I don't know...

At least they can put me in contact with the Old Hiroshi who was now on the beach in Miami enjoying that new teenage body. At first, we wrote to each other every day, trying to go unnoticed among all the chaos of the world. I had to eat. So I decided. Not to tell anyone that he was actually a 16-year-old American teenager instead of a Japanese man my father's age.

The real Hiroshi helped me adjust to my new life, while I naively believed that this was something that would be resolved in a couple of days. But over time I got used to my new job in a restaurant as a dishwasher, I didn't understand the language very well. , but he didn't need it, the real Hiroshi was a quiet and submissive guy, Very different from what the real Hiroshi is like in his new life, as a popular teenager. That he spends his afternoons tanning on the beach and flirting with beautiful girls.

I used to talk to the real Hiroshi every day, but over time he took longer to respond to the messages, then to look at them and just not respond and over time he started ignoring my calls, now the only thing I know is because of the photographs I uploads to Instagram and social networks of my former friends, I didn't dare tell them the truth, that their former friend was now trapped in the body of a 45 year old obese loser…

I've been saving everything I can to be able to travel back to America and reunite with my old life. Although the salary as a dishwasher is shit, it's better than nothing, but once I'm in front of my old body I don't know if I can control myself... look down and a tiny bulge formed again in my pants from just being in front of my old body.

-Shit….-

Hello, if you liked this story, and you want more, you can take a look at my new Ko-Fi page to see my most recent stories, see my new stories and support me to continue creating this hot content.

[martuzzio]

HERMITCRAFT CATCHPHRASES

Hi, here's a (hopefully comprehensive) reference list of hermit catchphrases! The main goal here is to help writers and artists who (like me) might struggle with getting the characterization of some hermits right. Check out more info at the end of the post!

Note: this list updates a lot whenever I get new suggestions, which means reblogs aren't always fully accurate. I've linked this post to the top of my blog so it's easy to access the most recent version :)

Bdubs Shreep / uh-oh, gotta shreep! Crastle I love ya to death It’s gorgee Beyootiful Uh oh! Hell’s blazes! Hawsies YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! Shuddup! Judas priest! Bdubs' PERFECT REDSTONE!! What in the world! Holy cow! Nuh-uh! Hoimycraaaaaf Whimsy Trying my heart out

Beef EEskall That was my nickname in college! Nailed it! Dangit! Beefy Tunes Smelly Etho Opulent Etho? Oh, yeah, I own him Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Beef taught Etho about redstone Oh my goodness! Oh boy! What the heck Oh, baby! Quote unquote A ton of __

Cleo Class dismissed! I don’t need your stinky torches I will break your legs Trash is fish The answer to everything is leather pants Not because it’s the sand castle you deserve, but it’s the sand castle I need! What did you do, Joe…. It's FINE, everything's FINE Lovely Silly I mean... Not gonna lie... To be fair...

Cub DA CREAMADA CROP Alright guys Nice, nice Ladies and gentlemen / ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘em Eeeeasy money Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Mmmmmhmmmmmm Holy smokes Let's goooo! Sweet Oh, baby! Man, oh man Without further ado Peace out Cheers / cheers, man There's some heat coming off that thing

Doc Are you kidding me now? Alright guys Can’t touch this The G.O.A.T. Etho, get to the damn land man! It all started when Grian touched my redstone… Epic

Etho Uh-huh Like-a so Oh snap Get your snacks! Holy smokes! Take care, have a good day, bye bye Aww snappers! Aww yeah Von Sway I barely know ‘er! Speaking of llamas Bright blue bamboo E. to the T. to the your mum Beefaroni / Beefers Speaking of llamas… That’s what she said! Free glass Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Suckerrrr! Check it out

False Blimey Awh dude Frick False Supremacy Oh my goodness I don't know about you guys, but... Props to __ I'm not gonna lie...

Gem Gem is great Her [name] is [adjective]! Gem will __ ("Gem will watch Impulse") Perfect! Epic It's true, I swear! Not gonna lie... Oh gosh! Trust the process Nailed it!

Grian Hello! My name is Grian Good… byeeeee! Pesky bird My heart! My little heart! Mumbo Mumbo you are AFK Can we just agree that Mumbo loses? What in Queen Elizabeth’s shiny crown was that? It wasn't me, it was the man in the chicken costume! SaAaaaAaAnd Chobblesome SCAR NO— / NO SCAR— In theory… Electric boogalooo What does this button do? What on earth? This is in shambles Get outta here! Hear me out... We don't have __. What we DO have is __ Just straight up Without further ado Crack on Bingo bango Yes. 100%

Hypno Right, right Mmhmm You guys Dang guy

Impulse What’s goin on everyone? Shovel Shuffle BEHIND YOU GEM! Peeps Geez Let's goooo! Are you kidding me? Oh, man Now we're talkin'! Holy smokes Oh my gosh How cool is that? Jeez! Dang it! Buddy Presi (for present) You bet!

Iskall Hallo -skall ("richskall") That’s mega / that’s looking absolutely mega Omega “Excuse me? Sir?” __ of doom Okay, lol And I will see you dudes in the next episode I’ve had a realization Oh for goodness sake! It’s not fat, it’s big-boned Not gonna lie SaAaaaAaAnd Very fine Great success! Bird poop Bumbo Cactoni Do you even bust? / Do you even bust bro E Pag

Jevin Hypno smells! Oh my god Sucker What the heck Dude Man I swear

Joe Howdy y’all! That’s the Joe Hills difference! I will now say a poem of my own devising Core concept Keep adventurin’! Time skip! Who’s the guy who conquers death? That’s Joe Hills No not rage quitting I have to pick up my daughter from school or my wife will rage quit me! Grow Hills / Expand Joe Joepacity / Jhost

Keralis Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes Wanna buy a book? Spank you very much Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Like this, like that I can see my house from here! Bubbles, Shashwammy, Sweetface, Princess Lookie lookie at my cookie / lookie lookie at my cookie… no, please don’t Like-a so I love your face I’m a real boy! I don’t k-nove (know) Not like this! Booshes Clever girl But first… lemme take a selfie I’m sinking… mayday mayday we’re sinking! Hallo yes dis is de German coast guard what are you sinking about? Scary harry larry I’m alayve! Breathtaking — no you’re breathtaking Mm-kay Oh behave I’m a simple man MeOOOow Welcome to my humble abod-ee Not too shabby My face! My palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti Tag 2 Booga Booga Stiffy nipples Batman! First I was afraid, I was petrified...

Mumbo I worry about myself sometimes I'm not really quite sure if I like that or not Yeah… yeah that's looking good… I guess… Dude! Chuffed to bits It’s a bit pants I’m such a spoon Oh my word It’s quite simple, really / it’s actually quite simple Bonkers I’ll catch you in the next one. See ya Off you pop Oh goodness me! Hermit challenges — initiation! All done and dusted To be frankly honest Seriously seriously cool Absolutely nuts I don’t even know what to say Iskall I feel sick Peace, love, and plants Moon’s big Mumbo for Mayor Quite simple

Pearl Lovely Bonkers At this point... Cheeky / you cheeky What's this? Mate

Ren Now we’re cooking with gas / we be cooking with gas today Ladies, get in line! / ladies, gentlemen, everybody get in line! You picking up what I’m putting down My dudes Y’know what I’m sayin’ Coming atcha frommmmmm Dude Coming from left, right, and center Greetings cyberdogs and citizens of the Interwebs, this is Ren-diggity-dog comin at ya in another episode from the Hermitcraft server (ey!) Automagically Jazztastic Janktastic Oh baby Like nobody’s business Looking absolutely magnificent Anyhoozle Twaddle Renstone The Octagon is a well-oiled machine! [word]-age [word]-ation [word]-i (to make things plural You love / hate to see it I'm just sayin' / if you know what I'm sayin' Professional __ Jazz Anyhoozle Exqueeze me? Freakin' Some serious __ What's happenin', baby? Chesticles

Scar Scarred for life Woah, what in the world! It’s gonna be am-ay-zing LOOK at the siiiiize of that Well, hello there my fellow miners and crafters, GoodTimesWithScar here. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Hermits and crafting Don’t forget to subscribe or you might just become scarrrred for life! Looking super fancy Let’s hit super fast build mode! Look at the size of that Appreciate ya Hotguy! Operation: Aquathunder! That’s what she said! Rapscallion You silly goose Oh, sweet baby Jellie! Bayum! / Bam! The bee's knees Easy peasy, orangey squeezy

Stress Are you havin’ a giggle? / are you takin the mic? Mate Oh my god / oh my gosh / oh my good gordons Gorgeous Plonker Geezer Ohhhhh nooooo! Yeeeesshhh I legged it Such a pro / I'm such a pro Proper __ Cheeky Bloke Thingamajig Ain't [word]-age [word]-ies

Tango Happy fun sauce -ificator, -inator, -ness, -tastic Skadoodle Fearsome bunny slippers Noob juice So here’s the deal Holding shift Shwoop Flim flam Poop came out Extra dumb with dumb sauce / __ of extra dumb Flee with extra flee! / fleeing with terror! Boom booms Gah! The dungeon is ready for its next victim Behold! Results may vary! I think my math is correct, but it’s been known to be wrong This is the worst timeline. I hate everything Big no! You— you freak of nature! Jerkface Jerkbutt Excellent How embarassing This is true Zombert Bits This I gotta see! Right in the face! [word] is happening Yeah baby! Stupid jerks Boop This is the best / worst thing ever! Niner niner niner [general unintelligible noises]

TFC What in tarnation! Crap-tacular Humongous Butt-ugly Ugly as sin Oh, goody Ender-twits Bugger Oh, fart For crying out loud

Wels Words are hard If you will Super __

xB Aww yeah Mmkay Son of a biscuit Pretty frickin' __ Man Get frickin' wrecked! Chestacle Dang it Staaph it Oy vey Crap on a cracker Dang it, Bobby! Dang guy

Xisuma Oh goodness me Oh dangit Geez Peeps I’m such a derp Oh my days Chooturial Issooma Allo Woa’ah Brought (instead of bought) My dude Achacha

Zed Hello hello hello A-good a-bye Muckin' about I lied TaaaAAnnGoOOooooOOOo Hu-jah! Pretty darn __ Certainly Rubbish I'm [word]-ing [word] me [word]-iness What happens is... Get kersplatted! Epic Oh my goodness!

More Info

So I'm currently writing a HC fic and realized how little I know about some of the hermits (I unfortunately don't have time to watch all of them), which made it really difficult to depict them properly in my writing. I'm assuming at least some of you might also struggle with this, so, here we are!

If you know of a catchphrase from any hermit from any season, comment, reblog, send me a an ask or dm, dm me on discord, whatever works the best :D

Note: when I say "catchphrase," I mean anything a hermit repeats over an extended period of time. It can be something said during a single season (like "You'll speak when spoken to!" or "Hermit Challenges!"), or something that spans their entire careers (like "Aww snappers!" or "Plonker"). I'm not looking for one-off quotes that are never bought up again — there's some great sources (like @hermitcraft-correct-quotes) for that already :)

Sources (which will hopefully expand with time): This reddit post from four years ago This other reddit post also from four years ago Reddit from three years ago This cute diagram A more up to date source Another Xisuma's dictionary on his website HC character tv tropes page This incredible google doc

[diminuel]

Still watching One Piece and I'm amused because I watched this before, just at the beginning of my One Piece flash in April, when I had not yet been Dragodile/ Crocodad obsessed. X'3

*points*

No eyebrows man is here. With tattoo and with stubble.

(Showing naked forearms again, just like in Logue Town. Risqué.)

And he said he was actually born in "this land" (so I assume Goa kingdom) too. Which then makes it more likely that he is Garp's biological child. I mean, he could still have picked him out of the trash somewhere.

(Luffy was born in Windmill Village, relevant for Crocodad headcanons.)

And Dragon really should get a less conspicuous ship. How have you stayed under the radar for that long? >w<;;

P.S. Stinky children.

P.P.S Garp really is a piece of work. Dadan did a good job beating him up. He did choose his work (or sense of justice) over his family. And he couldn't be bothered to raise either Ace or Luffy, only showing up to beat them up and tell Dadan (a mountain bandit) to raise them into good little marine soldiers. Just what's wrong with you, man? Into the garbage with him! >:C

[ohnohargrove]

Billy Lenz headcanons

Here's just a few hcs I have about everyone's favorite attic rat.

He's terrified of loud noises. Screaming or loud parties going on downstairs will have him huddled in the corner covering his ears.

Claude is his best friend. Whenever he raids food from the kitchen when no one's home, he'll always steal a little bit of lunch meat or whipped cream to share. He's always really gentle with him and Claude calms him down enough to sit still.

He's a nervous nail biter. Not just fingernails though, he'll chew on the skin beside his nails until they're raw. He's also a skin picker.

He blacks out during tantrums. He'll get angry or overwhelmed with something and the next thing he sees is the room being completely trashed. He always feels bad about this afterward because he doesn't mean to do it.

He's not a stinky attic man. He actually likes to keep himself well groomed and has to fight the urge to stay in the nice, warm shower whenever the sorority girls leave the house. I feel like he doesn't like messy, gross things and would freak out if he had to touch slime.

If he really likes you, I feel like he wouldn't call you "piggy." Pig is 70's slang for a loose woman and if he really liked you I feel like he would call you a kitty or something. "You're nice like kitty. Billy likes kitty and Billy likes you."

He's a biter. You could be sitting on the couch talking and the next thing you know he's taking a chomp out of your shoulder. It's an affection thing, I promise.

Stims by patting his legs, making little noises and echoing back words or phrases.

Is a huge fan of cartoons. He's Bluey's number 1 fan and thinks Juno is a cunt.

Is hypersexual but also terrified of sex at the same time. If he had to be intimate with someone he'd definitely have the freeze response for the first few encounters.

He sleeps completely curled around you like you're going to turn into dust and blow away if he lets go. He's also like a mini heater so you're either going to have to suffer or deal with sad whining/crying if you push him away. This is probably due to a lot of abandonment issues.

[rxttenbxnes]

Hello! Do you have any fun headcanons to share about Idia? Honestly, I just find it painful to see how badly this guy gets butchered in headcanons sometimes. People always forget that he is in fact a complete ass with a massive superiority-inferiority complex and not just a sad boi, or they overplay the weeb part and ignore how he has other interests like science and art, or they make him too pathetic by assuming he would still be a blushing incoherent mess like a year into marriage, etc. Anyway, it’d just be nice to hear the headcanons of an actual Idia fan since that’s the only way to get anything sane.

Omg totally, first I'mma do a little rant, I'll make sure to label where the HCS begin so y'all don't have to read my rants 😭

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

❱❱﹒⟡﹒𝑅𝑎𝑛𝑡﹢﹒🎮

Okay we gotta acknowledge the fact idia is indeed, an asshole you guys. 💀Well not completely obviously but he's not just gonna be nice to you for no reason. He's not just some depressed dude needing sympathy.

The way Idia is so Infantilzed by the fandom it's actually gets me tweakin, You guys this actually makes me mad, he's not some sensitive bottom uwu boy that stutters 50 times every sentence In fact I honestly cannot see him being submissive half of the time, this man is actually a asshole on the low. Most people get the fact that idia would be submissive from his shy and closed off personality which is just SO wrong to me.

Idia is extremely pessimistic and if we're being real Idia is actually not a good narrator for his own experiences, the constant self deprecation mixed in with his his thoughts about being superior to others is so fascinating to me, one moment he sees himself as nothing but a piece of trash while in the next moment he's boasting about how he's the only one component enough to be ignihyde's dorm leader. He's such a complex character I can Yap about him constantly

I get making jokes and stuff but some people genuinely think idia is some stinky incel creep that hates women and just purposely chooses to not go outside and be chronically online. Like yeah, he has nerdy and loser like hobbies but this man literally has trauma and chronic depression, along with an anxiety disorder, it's not something he can just make disappear. He likes science, engineering, art, anime, games etc which is all just cool, it's not like he's some creep that's afraid to talk to people, nor is he some super submissive guy that'll fold for you in a tiny interaction.

Had to get ts off my chest 💀

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

܀⊹ ིྀ𝐼𝑑𝑖𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

🎧 Caramelldansen. Idia adores this song unironically. At first he had just saw the meme and quickly ended up falling into the whole thing, laying on the floor completely dazed out of his mind as the colorful lights flash in the background from the music video playing on repeat lol

🎮 I said this in my earlier post but Idia definitely draws his crushes all the time. Luckily he has a little self control and draws anime/manga characters in most of the pages, he's really protective over his sketch book due to 1.) His social anxiety and 2.) The fact that he doesn't want anyone to know that he likes drawing and observing people, especially his crushes.

🎧 Idia constantly has his headphones on, I know of a fact that Idia listens to Nightcore, anime OSTs, Vocaloid, animation meme music, Vkei, video game sound tracks and breakcore religiously. I think idia would honestly listen to everything he can get his hands on

🎮 I feel like he had a 2020 alt kid phase lol. I feel like quarantine would've been his time to thrive, his peak enjoyment of life would be set during this time lol. Being able to express himself like he wanted without others seeing??? Sign him up

🎧 Ironically, he's not super weak. I feel like he just sucks at physical activity, especially running since he doesn't leave his room much. His hands/fist are definitely strong, I feel like he has a strong hit.

🎮 That being said, I think Idia’s hands are large, thin and boney. They definitely have a few scars and calluses from all the machinery he works with, you can't tell me that his hands aren't pretty rough.

🎧 Idia is a fashion icon, in games. Not irl, he would never due to the attention it would grab him, though he definitely is into all of the alternative and Gothic fashion stuff. He'll give his characters the most perfect and pretty outfits and make sure everything is customized perfectly, not mind at all if it takes him hours to do so.

🎮 This man definitely collects figures. I feel like they're all anime and video game figures; he's even commission artist and such to make custom work of his favorite interest and brag online about it.

🎧 Has an habit of repeating words and phrases he likes over and over again. It doesn't matter if it's from an obscure meme that literally only 5 people including him know or if it's in a different language, he'll constantly reference and repeat it like no tomorrow.

🎮 He's a biter. He bites a lot of things randomly, he'd bite someone out of love if he got the chance. I'm telling you he'll just naw on random stuff, not caring if it's edible or not. It could literally be a plushy and he'll randomly bite it while he's hugging it.

🎧 Idia definitely finds confort in the rain and gloom weather. Really, he just enjoys typically gloomy things. It's extremely comforting and relaxing to him to just be able to sit on his bed with his headphones on while it rains harshly outside, making the world around him dark and gloomy.

🎮 Curses, like a lot. Gamer rage is real you guys and he definitely has it. If he loses a game too many times or gets too frustrated with his teammates, he'll curse like a sailor. His anger isn't directly to his teammates or anything, it's of him being frustrated with everything in general.

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'Bad Territory'

As a few people have quickly surmised, the Bad Batch episode in which they go to Space Swampy Badtimes and punch gators was going to send Doug over the edge with joy. Y'all right!

So, turn up the CCR to 'Born on the Bayou', and prepare for some of the more unhinged things Doug's texted me.

CW: Little more mild, just excitement. When Doug starts rambling about Cajun food, just click here. He says it's one of the best places for boudin and bbq and they'll even process a deer you found on the highway.

------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 8: “::happy Cajun noises::”

Well we back in Space Daytona, outside the HMS Search Warrant because Daddy Rambo can’t afford a trailer now. Does that thing have air conditioning? 

Man, Toaster Strudel’s always gone, is he a space trucker now or what.

Oh, man, it’s Church Lady! She don’t seem too upset by Ryan-from-Accounting being somewhere else, fighting the Space Balrog. But we know why she’s not sad. 

(Does this involve Mayday?

"Who?"

Sassy Park Ranger?

"Hell yeah it does! He’s her beau."

What about Ryan-from-Accounting?

"I done told you once I tell you again RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING DIDN’T DESERVE THAT SMART INDEPENDENT WOMAN NONE!")

Maybe Daddy Warcrimes will hang out with Church Lady and she can double dip with him and Sassy Park Ranger. It’s Thanksgiving, dark meat and white meat are on the plate.

(WTF?!)

Well you know why Church Lady’s the Church Lady? She’s been talking to other church folks and if there’s one person who knows how to get info on people it’s the church ladies. Seriously, how do you think they organize EVERYTHING and know EVERYONE. You think they go to church for Jesus that’s a bald lie up in here. 

So Julio fires up the stolen work truck and he and Daddy Rambo are off. 

Wait, if that’s their home, where Little Orphan Blondie and Daddy Warcrimes sleeping? The beach? Come on now. 

Aw, shit, man, is that THOTH STATION?! Meat Muffin, these show people reading your white trash love story book and made it into reality! They owe you MONEY GIRL! Think they’ll meet Fred Johnson or Anderson Dawes?!

And look it’s CAMINA DRUMMER! 

Oh wait no that’s that Chick-that’s-in-Everything! Looks like she’s doing business with the guy Han Solo shot in the club. Think she’s selling him Columbian nose candy? 

Well she’s drinking a whole thing of pinot, don’t blame her, I’d be drinking if Daddy Rambo was up in my club whining for names. Go on the Facebook, Daddy Rambo, it’d be easier.

They’re off somewhere else to help the Chick-that’s-in-Everything. OH MY SWEET TITS OF CHRIST THEY IN LOUISIANA AGAIN! IT’S AN OIL REFINERY! No one can breath! They got a PONTOON! Everything’s orange and sticky!

Oh look at them out in them stinky bayous of Terrebonne Parish! Man did they film this entire season in my home state like it’s the first season of True Detective now I wonder. Man that was a good show. 

Aw man, mines in the water! It IS TERREBONNE PARISH! “He won’t expect us,” damn right he won’t. The Chick-Thats-In-Everything sure knows her shit. She’s a redneck hunter and the lady’s got grit. I wonder if she’s caught Steven Segal. 

There better be OH MAN IT IS! 

SPACE GATORS!!!!!

YEAH! PUNCH EM JULIO! SHOOT EM CHICK-THAT’S-IN-EVERYTHING! OH DADDY RAMBO GOT CAUGHT BUT JULIO PUNCHED IT TOO! PUNCHING GATORS AND THROWING KNIVES AND SHOOTING GUNS IN THE BAYOU, MEAT MUFFIN I LOVE THIS DAMN SHOW!!!!!

The only bad thing about this is now I need to go back to Thibodaux to Bourgeois and get some crawfish boudin, maybe some cracklings, some hogshead cheese too. 

Daddy Warcrimes is doing that thing where you sit around and breathe. Jenny tells me to do that. I’m like woman I do that every damn day at work what’s the difference now. 

They’re at the place–it’s a shack in the woods surrounded by home made bombs and the owner’s armed to the teeth?! MEAT MUFFIN THEY GONE DONE AND FILMED IT AT MY COUSIN CLAYTON'S HOUSE IN TERREBONNE PARISH NOW!!!!

Oh man it ain’t my cousin Clayton whose been weird since he got out of Angola,  now they’re hunting Jeff Goldblum from The Fly! Except now he’s a mantis! Hate those things. Jenny set one on fire after she caught it snapping at one of her hummingbirds. That woman, man, you don’t mess with her garden, she’ll take out the hairspray and a lighter and make a torch out of it. Love her. Married two dozen years now.*

Oh! Jeff Goldblum is trying to escape–but the Chick-That’s-In-Everything knows her shit and cuts her own wire to the pontoon! Maybe she IS Camina Drummer after all. 

Oh, man, they done got that mantis son of a bitch. Now, back to Thoth Station, and of course, the Chick-That’s-in-Everything ain’t coughing up a dime. Just flings Daddy Rambo right off her ship. 

Oh, man, who is she calling? 

I hope it’s not Gun-Safety-Muppet, I hate that blue bastard. 

*= Jenny is a delight and really does flip from ‘Sweetie, you need to meditate’ to ‘I will set bugs on fire for threatening my birds’. She’s the one who taught Jimmers to corner and kill everything in their yard.

@skellymom @cdblake1565 @sued134 @amalthiaph @yeehawgeek @merkitty49 @eyecandyeoz @isthereanechoinhere96 who else loves Redneck Doug?

If you want to be added, please let me know!

PS- I have his ramblings from the last two episodes, but they were not nearly as deranged as this.

[crusty-chronicles]

hii! i really love your airhead s/o series!! especially that ging one, perhaps can you make a part 2 of airhead s/o x ging? i really love it😭😭

You know what, why the hell not. There simply isn't enough of this stinky man out there and I truly do love him. He's cute in the feral rat kinda way 🥺

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Ging part 2

Like a thorn in his side, you simply won't leave

He doesn't recall how exactly he met you, but he does remember what he said that started all this.

"Keep up with me if you can."

And keep up you did. A little too well. And now he was stuck with you.

Buys plastic plates and Styrofoam cups because you can't break them.

Seriously, every good dish he had is shattered in the trash somewhere.

No plastic spoons or forks though

He tried that once and you had broken them, unawares that the extra crunch to your cereal was plastic

Is amazed and a little curious to find out you set the sink on fire.

Like honsetly, what the fuck???? Should he be impressed or scared.

Ging is a lazy stinky man

He has you in one of those backpacks with leashes when you go out in crowded places.

Cannot be bothered to go looking for you, so the next best thing is to leash you so you don't wander far.

You'll see something you think is cool and rush off, only to be stopped by a small tug pulling you back.

"Can you focus for one second?"

And for the first time he actually looks the part of a parent as he tugs you back towards him.

"Quit running around, pup."

God forbid the leash is detachable and you find out how to get free

"Yes, I need some help. My idiot got loose and I can't find them."

"Sir this is a Mcdonalds."

The one thing he made sure to tell Gon atop the Great tree, was to make sure he found somebody who always kept him on his toes.

"Why?"

"Life is better when the person you're with makes it interesting." Completely unaware you were only a few branches down listening.

Panics when you leave for hunter business because of that one time.

"Pick up your phone, idiot!!!! Damnit! How many times have I told you not to go by yourself!"

Waits for you like an upset parent that just caught their kid sneaking back in

Arms crossed, sitting on your sofa style

Waiting impatiently as you bump into the vase by the door after breaking the lock to get in.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

And you stare up at him with puppy eyes holding out a small box.

"I got you a souvenir." 🥺

And it's most likely broken but he appreciates it anyways.

All great hunters are liked by animals.

You get adopted by nearly all the apex predators you come across

And Ging is distressed because 'That is a fucking lion, Y/n. You can't just cuddle it.'

He tries to take you away from it, only for whatever creature had you hostage to growl at him.

Then it continues licking you and eventually whines when you get up to follow a very perplexed Ging.

(He secretly thinks it's cool)

Ging knows you're stupid, but that you're not an idiot

He knows you get lost on missions frequently and for the life of you can't not break something for five seconds.

But he also knows that you can tell when people are lying and being disingenuous

You hate Pariston for a reason

That and he lied to you once about something which resulted in you refusing to talk to him for weeks

He totally didn't care

Totally didn't try to send you a message only to see you'd blocked his number (how you accomplished that, he'd never know)

Totally didn't ask Kite to check up on you and make sure you hadn't died or something

What him? Never

And he also totally didn't swing by your apartment to leave a box of your favorite snacks on your doorstep

Couldn't be him 🙄🙄🙄

Yeah, he never tried to lie to you after that.

He refuses to baby you, but if someone makes fun of you for not being able to do something, he's kicking their ass

Makes you teach Gon some of your nen tricks

Just because he knows you're capable enough to do so

You're not a two star hunter for nothing.

Plus it means you two get to bond. Which is something he'd deny to his grave

Him, wanting his partner and son to be close???

You're delusional, he doesn't care 🙄🙄🙄

Yes he does and what he lied to you about was having a kid in the first place.

He just knew you'd spill the secret on his whereabouts is all

Gon thinks you are the coolest person he's met so far.

Alluka, who can grant wishes? She's cool

You, who took him fishing and caught an alligator by wrestling it????

You're his idol 🤩🤩🤩

And Ging is so damn proud because the next day his son brought home this huge sea monster he caught with your help.

"Why wouldn't I settle for a capable partner," is the biggest compliment he'll give.

He is a man child who fights for your attention with anybody. Not even poor little Gon is safe 😞

The barista's hand brushed against yours while handing you a drink?

Ging is dragging you out by your hand, glaring behind at the confused worker.

You're catching up with an old friend?

Okay, but they're clearly not that interesting if you ditched them for him. So quit wasting time and follow him to this cool thing he just found.

Gon wants you to teach him and his friend a new ability?

It's a family event now

Physically cannot say he loves you

He's just not used to it

And he can't even hint to it through romantic gestures because you don't understand subtlety

But, he's more physical with you than with most people

You get to jostle him around in your excitement and pull him everywhere you go

Doesn't mean he won't complain about it

He just won't push you off

"That's enough, pup. You'll make me dizzy."

"But I haven't seen you in a while, don't be all mean."

And he regrettably lets you keep your arms tight around him

You can't read maps and he's so surprised you accomplish anything that requires travel

Showers

He showers with you or he doesn't at all

He just wants to make sure you don't fall in there okay. 🙄You already trip on dry land, so imagine the wet tile.

It's because he likes the way you're so gentle when you wash his scalp. And because you always have the best scented soaps.

Kissed you one time and collapsed from embarrassment

Like a real kiss, not the little forehead ones he gives when you've been good.

Red in the face and unable to look at you properly

All because he said he stole your favorite sweet and taunted you for it.

You'd tackled him down and kissed him, swiping your tongue on his lips.

And he was 😳😳😳

And when you pulled away with a triumphant smile on your face, he actually did faint.

You were so confused because he didn't taste like your candy??? Did he lie to you again???

Gets flustered if Gon asks him when he's gonna marry you.

Like c'mon kid, don't say things like that!!! They're literally right there!

(Doesn't want to marry you because he couldn't take it if you decided you couldn't stand him after all. But he also really does because you keep his life interesting)

"I want what I can't have."

Didn't know he wanted an idiot until trying and failing so many times to get you to see he actually does care

MASTERLIST

[redux-iterum]

A Canine Eulogy

We put down my dog, Geno, today.

Textwall of sentiment under the cut.

Shortly, he was ill, and steadily growing worse every day at a rapid decline of a week before his death. He'd have brief moments of cheeriness, then go back to being listless, sluggish and unhappy. The vet made it clear a few days ago that there was very little chance of saving him and that his quality of life (the most dreaded phrase in a pet owner's dictionary) was poor, and only getting poorer. We made the decision to end his suffering before it got so severe he couldn't climb up the stairs into my house, or have accidents indoors, or starve himself to death (as he was starting to). It didn't feel good, not remotely, but it had to be done.

I haven't talked about Geno on this blog, so I figure the best way to pay my respects is to tell you all how great of a dog he was. Probably a bit late to introduce him, but whatever.

Geno (nicknames including Bean, Stinky Bean/Gene, Eyebrows Boy, Old Man and Geno Bon Benostein) was a dog that we never figured out the breed of. Many people, charmed by his pleasant, permanent puppyface that was always so happy to see them, would ask me his breed, and my answer was "He's got big eyebrows, that's all I know". That generally got a laugh, which was nice.

We attained Geno when he was about half a year old in a move. My pops runs a moving company, and we get all sorts of things from moves that people don't want to take with them to the new house across the state. I don't think a single piece of furniture in my house isn't secondhand, that's how much we get.

Geno in particular was our first longterm pet from a move. The lowdown is that the customers were divorcing and were viciously arguing over every single item and animal in the house. The wife threatened to take Geno to the pound, and immediately Pops offered to adopt him. I found this out when he picked me up from a sleepover in middle school and had a second dog with him, along with our first. It was quite a delightful surprise.

Our first dog was less than obedient and more than indifferent to humans, loving to destroy stuff and escape constantly. Geno, on the other hand, was only concerned about staying within eyesight of his owners, to the point of sitting on a windowsill as well as he could and staring at us through the glass until we let him in (at the time Pops was not eager to have dogs in the house). We never needed to chain him up or fence him in - he was entirely devoted to us from jump and got as close as he could at all times.

The first dog eventually died, and Geno was the sole pup of the house. He thrived in that, and he made a point to prove himself to be an excellent dog. He never had an accident in the house for many years (until age got to him), preferring to potty in the bushes or brush so that we didn't have to worry about stepping in it or even cleaning it up. He never barked or ran away or growled at visitors, nor did he knock over trash cans or even so much as get fleas during the summer. The only things we struggled with were his great hatred of other dogs and aggressive fear of wheels. The wheel thing was a little more embarrassing, because he'd bark at some poor bastard in a wheelchair who was just trying to mind his own business. Like, great, thanks, Geno. Now we look like assholes.

Geno went on many, many trips across the country with us, especially to Yellowstone, which is a yearly voyage pops and I go on. He was a treat to travel with - he just wanted to rest his head between the front seats and look at us adoringly. He went to beaches, where he didn't enjoy the coast and instead stuck with us by inches, and on moves, where customers and their new neighbors would fawn over him and he got to be the Super Special Puppy Dog, which he loved. He went more places than most people I know, and certainly ate more pizza than any other dog in the United States while we were in hotels. Maybe not healthy for him, but man did he love his 'za, and he'd stare at us with his big ol' cow eyes. How could we say no?

This dog was a major part of my life - he was around for half of it, from middle school to adulthood. I don't think I can ever get another dog that would be nearly as wonderful as him, and I don't know that I want to. I think he raised the standard too high and made every dog I take care of (I housesit for a living) somehow not as good as him, no matter how well-mannered they are. I expect that to be that way for a very long time.

His collar, I decided, will stay in my car, hooked around the rearview mirror. That way, he gets to travel with me no matter where I go. He always did thoroughly enjoy a car ride.

Moonshine will miss him greatly. She was infatuated with him no matter how much he tried to make her go away. He gave up towards the end and started being nice to her, at least. I'm just glad I've got pictures of them interacting and her demanding his affections. Those are precious memories above precious memories.

The vet techs mourned with us as we said goodbye, calling him "one of the good ones". I think that's a pretty high compliment.

I hope he's happy, wherever he is.

You were a good boy, Geno.

[hiramaris]

Dusk Fragments #1

Summary: A night of drinking, a group of friends, and two people returning to town. What could go wrong? Pairings: Jessy x Gender Neutral MC

Note: Had this on my mind for quite a while. This one-shot follows Dusk til Dawn. The timeline isn't clear here.

“I don’t think drinking and partying is such a good idea right now.” Cleo mused against her drink, the condensation on her glass forming tiny beads. She eyed the swirling liquid thoughtfully, her expression pensive. Despite her verbal disagreement, she downed her margarita in one go, barely wincing at the tangy taste.

Dan scoffed at that, knowing fully well where this conversation was going. “It’s been months. No one died. What better way to celebrate than being wasted?”

Lilly, seated next to Cleo, leaned forward, her gaze serious. “Hannah and Richy are still under court-ordered psychiatric evaluation and treatment,” Lilly emphasizes as if everyone has forgotten that fact. “Y/n and Jake are nowhere to be seen. So, I don't think these counts for a celebration.”

Jessy froze at the mention of your name, her hand pausing in mid-air as she played with her Mimosa.

For months, she had tried not to let your name linger in her mind for longer than necessary. It still hurts to think about you. Despite the fact that Agent Hartmann– Charlotte, Jessy corrected herself, already explained everything, it did nothing to quell the pain she was feeling.

Because why couldn’t you just tell them all those things yourself? Why couldn’t you just come back?

“But did they die?”

“Dan!” Cleo admonishes him.

“What?” He shrugged as he plucked a chilled martini glass from the shelf. “I’m just saying,” he continued as he went back to face them and to prepare Lilly’s drink. “Out of all the possible worst-case scenarios, we managed to get the best one. I’m not saying y’all need to trash out and get wasted, but I don’t think Y/n did all this for us to just sulk in our homes forever. We deserve this after all the hell each of us went through.”

“That’s true,” Phil popped out beside him, placing another Mimosa in front of Jessy despite the redhead's protest. “I never thought I’d get out of that stinky place they called prison after a certain someone” he eyed Dan accusingly, a smug smirk on his face “testified against me. So, drink up! Celebrations are in order!”

“For the love of— I already said sorry!” Dan yells at Phil’s retreating form, his voice drowning from the music reverberating around the Aurora bar.

“Sorry won’t cut it, Pal! You still have 6 months left of voluntary work before you get your wage!” Phil shouted back in a sing-song voice before disappearing into the stockroom.

“He won’t ever live it down, y’know?” Jessy allows herself to smirk at Dan’s guilty face. The man got an earful from her when she learned about what he did. If she were the same person as before, she would have never forgiven him but she’s a changed person now. At least that’s what she likes to think. Dan means well despite his impulsivity.

“I know,” Dan grumbled as he placed Lilly’s cosmopolitan in front of her.

The blonde eagerly sips her drink, humming in satisfaction, her body slightly swaying to the music. “Fuck it, I guess we do deserve to lose out a little.” Lilly perks up when ‘Streets’ begins blasting from the bar's speakers. The lights turned a deep hue of red as if to accentuate the mood of the song. “Oh my god! I love Doja Cat! Come, Cleo. Let’s dance!”

Cleo had no choice but to finish off her drinks before allowing the youngest Donfort to drag her to the nearest dance floor.

“She’s getting drunk,” Thomas commented quietly as he observed them.

“Oh, Lilly? Let her.” Dan leans a bit on the counter. “What about you, Tommy? What can I get for you? You’ve been awfully quiet since you came here.”

“I don’t think it’s such a great idea. Someone needs to be sober around here.”

Dan chuckles at that. “Still a wimp,” he teased. “Don’t worry. I don’t plan to drink tonight. Not until Y/n comes back to keep their promise and buy me a drink. I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Fine.” Thomas sighed. “After what happened I guess I need a hard drink. Give me some Negroni.”

“Right away, sir.”

Jessy waited for Dan to get away from earshot to get some vermouth from the stock room before addressing Thomas. “Have she talked to you, yet?”

Thomas pursed his lips, his gaze shifting to the swirling liquid in Jessy’s glass. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before responding, his voice tinged with a sense of longing.

“Not since… that day.” He went quiet for a moment before speaking again. “I miss her, a lot.” He admitted. “But I’m trying to understand her. What happened was shitty. I don’t think 6 months of treatment would suffice to get over a trauma.”

“Any news about their development?”

Thomas sighed, his gaze distant as he delved into the subject. “Well… she’s starting to at least connect with her family. Lilly says it’s just about trivial matter and Hannah seems to be avoiding the topic being discussed just yet. About Richy…” he trailed off. “he’s doing okay, I guess. I talked to him a little while ago and he said he was truly sorry about what happened.”

“Do you… forgive him?” Jessy questions tentatively, her gaze fixed on Thomas, searching for his thoughts on the matter.

Thomas swallowed, fists curling into a fist. “I do. He’s my friend.” He met her eyes, his own ones going mist. “It’s just quite difficult to forget what he had done.”

“I know…” Jessy murmured, her tone reflective, finally downing her first mimosa. The contrasting flavors of bitterness, sweetness, and tanginess played against her tongue, much like the conflicting emotions she was feeling. “Richy doesn’t want to talk to us. I tried to… y’know but he pushed me away.”

“He was afraid. He doesn’t trust himself around you girls.”

“Oh,” was all that Jessy could say.

Maybe you and Richy have a lot more in common than she expected.

Like making decisions for everyone instead of asking them directly. She doesn’t get why both of you chose to keep everything to yourselves.

“Y/n,” Thomas suddenly says. “Do you still think of them?”

“Every day,” she found herself whispering. “I don’t think I had ever stopped.”

“Wow, I just went away for a minute or two and everything suddenly got sentimental.” Dan’s voice joined the conversation. He raised an eyebrow at the two as he began to mix Thomas’ drinks.

“It’s nothing!” Jessy tried to laugh, shoving her empty glass towards Dan. “I want another Mimosa. I’ll be back. I just need to go to the bathroom for a sec.”

“Hey! You still have a full glass of Mimosa here!” Dan calls back to her, but Jessy continues to her destination, brushing through sweaty bodies. She really needs to pee.

More importantly…

She also needs to cry.

Damn it. This is what she’s talking about. Just give her a couple of seconds to think of you and then no more than later her eyes turn into a waterwork.

“Jessy?” Well, that’s a voice that sounds familiar.

She whirls on the spot, and she has little time to even out her voice to mask her surprise. “Alica?”

Luckily, she managed to do it.

Because never in those three years, she has expected to see Alica Roth in the arms of her ex-boyfriend, Norman White.

It took all self-control for Jessy not to give any sort of reaction. What she told you was true. She never made an effort to know whom her ex had cheated her with due to fear of actually knowing who that person might be.

And just her luck, it seemed Alica was the person Norman fucked while being in a relationship with her.

“Oh, hi!” She put on a tight-lipped smile at the two. “I didn’t know that you two…” she tried to laugh. “How long?” She just wanted to know if her theory was true.

Norman has the audacity to look so smug about it, pulling the girl closer to him by the hip as if to rub salt in her wounds. Not that there’s any wound to begin with.

“Two years,” he answers with his typical boyish grin that Jessy used to swoon at. Well, not anymore.

And two years? He was still dating Jessy at that time!

This piece of crap really did cheat on her with Alica, and they even have the decency to flaunt it right on her face. Alica is no better; she knew Jessy was in a relationship with him and yet she allowed Norman to pursue her.

“I heard about what happened. I’m really sorry about Hannah and Richy.” Alica mentions, and Jessy doesn’t know if the girl is even genuine about it. “It must have been stressful for you guys.”

“It was.”

Norman straightened out, his arms falling from his side. “Well, you certainly didn’t look stressed at all,” he eyes her up and down unabashedly. “I mean don’t get me wrong. I know you are but what I was trying to say was you look as dashing as ever.” He finished his babbling with a grin.

Alica raised an eyebrow at his comment before turning her attention back to Jessy with the most faux smile she had ever seen in her life.

“He’s such a sweet guy, right? Always thoughtful with girls even if he already has a girlfriend.”

If she wasn’t sure before, Jessy is sure as hell that’s definitely sarcastic now.

“Oh, I know.” Jessy’s smile was just as fake.

“Of course,” as oblivious as ever, Norman beamed. “I even chatted that Y/n when Lilly posted about that video. Because y’know, I don’t like it when women get hurt.”

Jessy furrows her brows at that. What’s that even supposed to mean?

And wait, what?! He had chat Y/n which means he was one of the locals who harassed Y/n!

“Hey, y’all. I heard my name so would you mind if join in?”

****

“Do you think this is a good idea, Y/n?”

You turned to Jake, a smug smirk dancing across your lips. “Well, considering the last mission you need to do in order to grant your defection to the Agency has gone very well, I don’t see the problem in going back here. Plus,” your grin widens. “You have to be here. I don’t want Lilly to kill me so you have to protect me against her wrath.”

Jake chuckles at that. “You just took down twelve men just a couple of hours ago, and you mean to tell me you are afraid of Lilly?”

“It’s different,” you retorted, parking the car in the designated place Phil had made for you. You closed the door shut. Jake follows you after. From here you can already hear the music blasting inside. And judging from the disco lights you’re seeing peeking from the gates; you knew this is going to be one hell of a night.

“How do I look?” you turned to Jake as you tried to brush off imaginary specks of dust from your shirt. Not that it would make any difference. The glaring bruise on your cheek and a cut to the lip wouldn’t go unnoticed anyway.

“Like you just went on a mission.”

“I’m going to tell Aerith to dump your ass.” You narrowed your eyes at him. You couldn’t see his whole face because of his mask but you didn’t miss the way he rolled his eyes at you. “Hey, I saw that!”

Jake just shook his head and pushed you inside– forcefully.

“Just go inside and go restore your love life.”

The stench of alcohol and sweat greeted your nostrils and you didn’t bother to hide the look of pure disgust on your face, The lights were off inside but the illumination coming from the disco lights created a swirling pattern of abstract forms that gracefully blended with– is that ‘streets’?!

And is that Lilly dancing with Cleo?! If you can even call that dancing.

You snorted at the sight. The blonde’s probably drunk but Cleo looks sober enough which made this whole thing funnier. The poor girl was so embarrassed with her friend.

“I didn’t know Lilly was a fan of Doja Cat.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the idea.

You could have sworn you saw Jake’s eye twitch at the sight of his sister dancing in the middle of the dance floor with men trying to dance with her only to be pushed away by Cleo.

Not long after, Jake pushed his way through the crowd and towards his sister. You can only wish the men around Lilly good luck because a pissed Jake is someone you wouldn’t want on your plate– ever.

Shaking your head, you made your way towards the bar without any announcement when your eyes spotted those familiar beards from miles away and Thomas’ signature beanie.

“What’s cooking, good looking?”

“Y/n?!” Thomas almost spat his drink on a very unsuspecting Dan.

You thought that was the funniest thing you have ever seen but looking at Dan, it was your turn to choke on your own spit. The man looked like he saw a ghost with the way his eyes widened.

“Thanks for accepting my invitation, Y/n.” Phil wraps his arm around you. Taking you away from the bar, much to Dan’s dismay.

“Hey! I was talking to Y/n!”

Phil only gave him the finger, laughing. “Sorry, pal but we got customers.”

Dan could only grumble in annoyance as a group of rowdy teenagers came stumbling on the bar, leaving his hands full at the moment.

“You looked like you just came from a fight,” he commented as he guided you towards a corner. The music in this spot had mellowed, allowing both of you to talk in a normal voice. “I assume you won as always.”

“Won’t you know it?” You grinned. “I suppose free drinks are in order tonight?”

“Maybe,” he smirked. “Is that any way to talk to your brother-in-law?”

Your smile falters a bit. It’s been 6 months of radio silence. The last time you talked to her was when you left. You barely said goodbye. You barely gave any reassurance.

How could you though? How can you look at someone you love so much and tell yourself it’s time to go?

Would she still want you after all this time? Would she even want to talk to you?

“Is she mad at me?” You questioned quietly. The million-dollar question.

Phil noticed your apprehension, quirking an eyebrow at you. “Do you think I’ll invite you here if she hates you?”

“I mean if the invitation is out of spite, it is possible.”

He laughed. “You might want to get your head checked out, L/n. Unless you have a major concussion then you’re probably crazy to even be convinced that the kindest person in Duskwood hates your guts. Of course, she loves you shitless.” He took both of your shoulders, shaking you as if to take away those thoughts. “Listen, I didn’t just invited you here just to show gratitude for bailing me out. This is also me paying my sister back for all the shitty things I’ve done to her.”

His gaze suddenly flickered behind you, his grin coming back.

“Make my little sister happy, okay?” Without warning he pushed you forward. But not without whispering. “That’s her ex, Norman. Punch him in the face for me. Tata!”

You felt the world seemed to freeze before you when you finally saw her.

Ever since you came here you pretend to look around. You wanted to convince yourself that you’re just familiarizing yourself with your surroundings but the truth is…

I’m actually looking for you.

You can feel your chest starting to ache again. A frequent occurrence whenever you think of her. But seeing her again after all this time gives you a different kind of pain.

You find yourself walking towards her. Somehow, you’re thankful she has her back on you because it gave you a bit of time to prep yourself to face the redhead.

“He’s such a sweet guy, right? Always thoughtful with girls even if he already has a girlfriend.”

Your eyebrows raised when you finally got an earshot to the conversation Jessy was having with these people.

“Oh, I know.” Even with her back on you, you can notice Jessy was visibly tense. You frowned. Clearly, she’s uncomfortable. Just who the hell are these people?

“Of course,” the guy with a face you didn’t like boasted. So, this is the ex, huh? “I even chatted that Y/n when Lilly posted about that video. Because y’know, I don’t like it when women get hurt.”

“Hey, y’all. I heard my name so would you mind if join in?” That was the time you decided to swoop in.

You casually grab Jessy by the waist, far away from her so-called ex who doesn't seem to know how to read the room.

Telling by the lack of flinch, you know Jessy already knows it was you. If she was surprised at your sudden appearance after months of radio silence, she didn’t show it.

You put yourself between them. All the while, Norman looks a bit startled at your sudden presence. He was taken aback. He slowly backed away when he noticed your piercing gaze focused on him.

“It would be kind of rude to talk behind my back, right?” You went on. Flashing them a charming smile. You turn to Jessy, kissing her cheek. “Anyway, Dan sent me to tell you your Mimosa is good to go, babe.”

She kissed your cheek back, right across your bruise as if to tell you it didn’t go unnoticed by her. “Of course, love. Thank you!”

You fight a flush beginning to emerge on your cheeks at the endearment. But you find yourself not even trying to as the next words uttered by the woman in front of you were enough for you to grimace.

“Oh, my. I wasn’t informed you have such a hot company there, Jessy.” You could have sworn the woman batted her eyelashes at you unabashedly, making the ‘ex’ bristle next to her.

Jessy feigns a smile as she rests her head against your chest, “this is Norman and this is his girlfriend, Alica. Guys, this is my partner, Y/n.”

Norman held out his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Normy.” You smiled, ignoring the wince on his face as you might have gripped his hand a little too hard.

“It’s a-actually Norman, not Normy.” He corrected with a strained smile.

“You’re the same Normy who harassed me on the phone right?” You raised an eyebrow, your gaze challenging.

“N-no. I…” he stuttered pathetically, making you grin wider.

“Call me Ali, dear.” Alica made a move to kiss your cheek and was about to do another one, but Jessy pulled you back to her, eyes openly glaring now. The blonde didn’t seem to care as she commented, “you smell good, and that bruise looks hot.”

You were quick to wipe off the kiss from your cheeks, not even bothering to hide it from Alica. You’re not entirely sure what was Jessy’s history with her aside from Normy here. But what you’re sure of is your girlfriend has a massive jealous streak.

You have come to know that for the first week you have known her. And if blonde here has known Jessy far more than you have, then she better know that the redhead is ready to bury her alive right now.

“What the fuck is that, Ali?” Norman was the first to react, glaring at you and his girlfriend.

“Chill out, hon. I was just–“

“We’re leaving.” Jessy cuts off curtly, pulling you away from the scene. She stopped in what you assumed to be a hallway to the comfort room. Pulling out a handkerchief and a bottle of alcohol, she began to dab the piece of cloth to your cheeks. “I’m going to kill her.”

You laughed quietly, “I bet you do.”

She furrowed her eyebrow but remained quiet as she finished the job. She even sprayed her perfume on your shirt as if to wipe any trace of the blonde in you. Or she’s probably marking you. Or both. In any case, you didn’t mind.

Your heart pounded as you raised your hands to cup her cheeks. Your thumb begins to stroke her cheek in a delicate manner, and your eyes wander around her face. You are now faced with the woman you have badly missed to the point it physically gives you pain just by thinking about it. You took your time to admire her face, now up close for the first time in how many months of not seeing it.

She looked a bit thinner. Up close, you can see the effects of the situation that fell upon her— the bags under her eyes due to spending sleepless nights and the worry lines starting to form on her forehead. But in your eyes, you have never seen such beauty. She still looked beautiful, nonetheless. She was still your Jessy.

“Sorry,” you murmured. You didn’t emphasize what for. Do you even need to?

Sorry for leaving. Sorry for keeping you in the dark. Sorry for hurting you.

But none of those came close to what left your lips.

“Sorry, I let her kiss me. I shouldn’t have–”

The laugh that escaped her lips was soft and rich. Her breath tingled against your cheeks as she leaned her forehead against yours, her arms secured around your neck. You knew then that she knows what you were apologizing for and it’s sure as hell not about letting Alica kiss you.

“Apparently, that woman just really likes stealing people I love. I suppose you’re not an exemption.”

“Hmm, so she was the girl.” It wasn’t a question, but rather a realization.

“Uhuh.” Jessy is a lot closer now, lips barely an inch that if you leaned a little closer you would be kissing her. Her fingers played with the baby hairs at the back of your neck making your breath hitched. And judging by the little smirk on her lips, you knew damn well she knows her effect on you. “I’m still mad at you.” She whispers and you note the faint smell of alcohol on her breath.

“I know.” You whispered just as quietly. “Let me make it up to you.”

“How so?” A dashing smirk spreads across her features, and for a moment, your eyes drift mindlessly toward her unsuspecting lips, loving the way they curl up in a low grin. At this point, the resistance to kiss her lips would probably be a battle already lost.

So you did.

You pecked her cheeks first, another one on the corner of her mouth, and then the other one for good measure. Peppering her kisses nonstop if you could. She can only laugh softly at your antics, loving the attention you give her.

And because your always motto is "to save the best for last" you took your precious time laying a long, slow kiss full on her lips. Her hands were eager to mess with your hair, deepening the kiss. You can feel the heat rising on your skin, her touches leaving trails of fire.

Not satisfied with the proximity, you pulled her closer. You even made your way to flip your positions, now pinning the redhead against the wall and a solid chest.

Her grip on your shirt tightens in such a way that she wants to pull it off you. At the back of your mind, you were aware that someone could walk in on you two almost eating each other's faces but you're usually clumsy brain was now foggier than you could remember as you were so busy latching your mouth against her neck and feeling Jessy tilting them to the side to give you better access. Her scent, warmth, and kisses consume you ent—

“Y/n?” You and Jessy froze. That was Phil’s voice!

The urgency in his voice was enough to cleanse your hazy mind, and without the overwhelming thoughts about your girlfriend which you may not guarantee wouldn't go past what is deemed to be inexplicit, you can now hear his voice clearer against the blasting music.

You only got a few seconds to detach yourself from a disappointed and irritated Jessy and fix your hair which she seems to love to mess with.

Despite the initial annoyance, the redhead still managed to have the audacity to flash you an amusing grin as she couldn't take her eyes off your already swollen lips, seemingly satisfied with her creation. And it's not like she's any better.

Sure, her hair's fine, but her lips are a bit bruised, too and there are patches of redness forming on the side of her neck courtesy of your mouth.

When Phil finally arrived inside the room, you managed to act like you were fixing your hair whilst Jessy was trying to fix her lipstick. From his point of view, it looks like you two were having the usual conversation and not shoving each other’s tongues down your throats five seconds ago.

"Did I interrupt something?" He questioned smugly, wanting to tease you but you weren't having any of it. You were too flustered to even function properly now.

"No," was Jessy’s quick reply, not trusting you to answer. She barely managed to hide her smile behind her own mirror.

Phil looks like he doesn’t believe that obvious lie and was excited to turn to you. "Man, you should have seen the pussy-ass bitch Normy and his girlfriend arguing at the parking lot. He was like ‘why the fuck did you kissed a random stranger?’ and Alica was like ‘Is it my fault Y/n is hot?’ and then he was like–" He wasn't able to continue his story as Jessy’s glare was so sharp, that it can dissect a living creature.

Her eyebrows were raised to the fullest and her gaze was unwavering, challenging her own brother to continue his story to the extent that she wouldn’t like where it would head.

If your blood earlier had rushed towards your cheeks, it now had drained the color on your face and you're practically choking on your own spit for the second time this night.

"– and I just want to say your drinks are ready. That's all." He finishes lamely.

You knew that's not what he was trying to say, but to save his life and maybe yours from the redhead’s wrath, he knew better than to continue his story.

"Oh, and Y/n?" You perked up from your sudden faux interest to the flickering sign of the comfort room down the hallway. Phil’s smirk returned full blast. "You got a little something here,” he motioned his fingers to his lips. “See you!"

Your hand flew faster than when Phil bolted out to grab Jessy’s mirror.

And to your horror, a thin line of smeared lipstick was visible at your bottom lip. It wasn’t noticeable enough to catch someone’s attention, but it is sure as hell noticeable enough for the likes of Phil. And he wouldn’t need to put two and two together to even know what you were doing earlier with his sister.

Jessy’s laughter came rumbling across your chest as she pulled you closer again.

And boy, you were right.

Tonight’s going to be a long night.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[fanaticsnail]

Snail! Another banger! You know what that means:

○“C’mon, now. What have I gotta do to get your layers off? Talk dirty to you?” He used the steel edge of his knife to attempt to pry the brown outer layer away.

●Not my home cook ass just using my hands 💀. In my defense, I'm only cooking for family lol.

○Cheeky Nami kisses, soft Robin kisses, and nibbled toothy kisses from Chopper were his favorites.

●The way I need these so bad??? Blink twice if you wanna hear my takes on these.

○ from Luffy which was used to depict the state of his appetite

●Kissing Luffy and him getting hungry halfway through. Him deciding you taste good enough and just continuing to kiss you. Don't worry, you two raid the pantry later (don't tell Sanji).

○the skeleton man had no lips

●A moment of silence to think about how terrifying Brook would be irl

○he was happy that the stinky moss-head kept his lips to himself.

●Me when I lie

○ you leaning on the side of the door

●OH this absolute nuisance (affectionate). She knows what she's doing. Going full seductive door lean? Are you trying to kill the poor boy? Something, something, Megara from Hercules.

○What's cooking, good looking?” you smiled at him softly, gesturing with your chin to the pot on the stove. He froze up, his ears tinting darker with the shade of pink.

●His ass could not go back to baraié, because he'd come back with twice the skill and a third of the rizz he left with.

○Taking the extinguished cigarette out of his lips, he placed the butt in the bin beneath the sink.

●Three trash bins in the strawhat kitchen. Wet Waste, Dry Waste, and Sanji's Cigarettes.

○“I actually love it. Even though it started as a joke, it has actually made a big difference the way I’ve been feeling lately.”

●#kissSanji2024

○throwing his head back and drawing up his forearm to his face to catch the damp blood from exiting his nose. His head was dizzy, his lips parting and whining as he felt your tongue swirl around the soft bite to his collar.

●MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN

○You squeaked in response, immediately placing your hands on Sanji’s hips as he pinned you against the sink with his hips

● Yes bitch! Grab that slutty little waist!

○"I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, honest-" “-Sanji,” you laugh at him, looking up through half-hooded lashes and brushing your nose with his, “Your mirepoix is going to burn.”

● Them: https://images.app.goo.gl/r4ciH8S635FznucZ9

○“This stupid apron has been nothing but a complete distraction.”

●Snail, this is your sign to buy chef-husband a "kiss the cook" apron.

○Come find me when you want to put on that stupid apron again, hm?” you utter, releasing his hips and making your way over to the kitchen doorway

●She's such an icon! Came to the kitchen and kissed the prettiest boy on the ship! Made him literal putty in her hands! Made him burn his food! Kissed him again, and then left! Left while still flirting with him, hips swaying to Shakira Shakira! I want her! I NEED her!

Oof, this one was long. But what else to say after 1.5k+ of absolute art?

-♡♡ lots of love

Oh my gosh, I love your reviews and commentary!!

As a home cook married to a chef, peeling onions is my job. And I hate it. I do the good ol' halve it and pry it, but sometimes the skins are just a nuisance.

I am blinking twice. Give me your hot take on the kisses 😏.

Luffy kisses are just him gnawing in between waiting for dinner.

Brook has my heart and I love him. I'd still kiss. I wanna jam with him so bad.

"Me when I lie," I'm dying. I can't even. I love me a bit of zosan (see my strawhat Christmas fic 👀).

Yes, we are trying to kill him. With kisses.

The three trash bins, I can't even. I refuse to believe he'd taint the flavour of the sealife with littering the ocean. He knows better.

Kiss Sanji '24 ✊

I should absolutely but a 'kiss the cook' apron for chef-husband. If I get him for Krap Kringle this year, that's the first thing I'm gonna get.

This reader is Loca, and I loved writing the kisses like this. Kisses are my favourite.

Thank you for dropping lil' treats in my ask box. I love doing your requests, Anon! 😘🖤

[iepurasdepraf]

I... don't have the editing skill or knowhow to make something pretty to put here so you just get me talking, isn't that fun?

Arkhamverse Jervis Tetch x reader

Warnings: Female reader, bondage, fingering, ah... hm... that's all I think for this.

I just felt like it was getting a little long, but it's tasty as it is also, a whole thing on it's own really. If you want a part 2 let me know and maybe I'll finish what comes next, yeah?

@callsigncrash - You asked to be tagged.

A half sunken portion of a major city left to mold and crumble would normally make for an interesting if morbid opening for a fairytale or maybe an overeager young adult post-apocalypse novel the author didn’t have the technical skill to pull off. As would taking shelter in the attic of an abandoned townhouse. Turning that damp den into a passable hidey-hole for two lost dreamers to overwinter in, safe from the frigid water that was always seeping in and whoever else was creeping around what remained of Arkham City. Which was more than you’d think, really.

The man who called himself both mad and a hatter was in the midst of all that folly. Calling out to his friend with glee “Oh look! Mary Ann! Mary Ann, come look!”

An expert in making trash into treasure, the finding of Christmas lights sent him reeling into a giddy state. He had woken up bright eyed and bushy tailed and hadn’t lost that spirit for an instant even in the rising water and inclement weather though she’d woke finding herself far less hopeful. She’d barely slept at all in fact. 

However, said Ann of Mary didn’t look away from the ladder she’d been staring down at for the past hour or so even though normally she would have come with a skip at his beck and call putting a damper on the Hatter’s excitement somewhat. “Mary Ann?” Once more did not answer his call, it was as if she didn’t hear him at all. This was a vice versa of their usual and Jervis wasn’t sure what to think of it. It was his schtick to be lost in his own head after all. She was out of character!

He took offense at first, how dare she not give him her full and undivided attention! Then after a moment and impulsive thought wrangling he pouted. It wasn’t like she was one of his pawns. She had her own thoughts and feelings and- what was she looking at anyway? 

With lights in tow and shuffling in oversized boots, he makes his way over to peek over her shoulder. Mmm… water? Just water and soggy furniture. How boring. Not even anything swimming in it. Stinky, smelly thigh deep, to him, Gotham Bay water. 

More important than all that though was that she was frowning he noticed. Poor sweet Mary Ann, was she scared of the water? Worried? It wouldn’t come up this far. That’s why they were up so high.Though maybe she didn’t know that he considered. She’d not experienced Arkham City as he had after all. 

“Mary Ann” He said one last time, a little tersely this time, and when she didn’t respond he tossed the lights over her. Tangling her up like a tuna in a net to drag her deeper into the attic away from the distracting portal to a dreary reality. “Jervis!” “There she is!” “Get this off me!” She laughed over it luckily, amused as ever with his wiley antics. He couldn’t recall her ever getting mad at him for being himself. Maybe that’s why he felt so secure in being himself with her even if that meant doing something silly like tangling her up in Christmas lights. “What is this?” “Why, I’m so glad you asked! They’re lights. Fairy lights, Mary!” “I’m very happy for-” He pulled the wires tight playfully and she came to attention in a way he’d never seen before. So quiet, so red in the face. Ah. Jervis was mad, but not a fool. He knew that look. Seems they both just learned something about dear sweet Mary Ann. 

What fun! 

Something to pass the time then? Something to… distract her. That was a passible excuse. “Sit up for me, won’t you?” Oh, she was so obedient! Quick to do exactly as she was told now, just needed a little incentive. The wad of lights were easy enough to untangle. He had more than enough practice after so many years of decorating hideouts and set ups to get them undone in a jiffy though all that talent was then turned on it’s head to truss Mary Ann right back up nice and neat. Easy enough to make a harness, easier still to bind someone’s arms behind their back. He’d done that oodles of times. That delicious thigh meat dressed nicely, so thick it muffined around the strings. It would normally bring him to distraction, but right now he had just as lovely things to savor so he had to force himself to peel his eyes from the sight. 

He’ll be back later, thighs, just give him a moment. He has to bind shin and ankle so they can be bound to you, you see? 

Making dear Mary Ann kneel so sweetly on the floor that he just can’t resist showing her that being bound so specifically had it’s own benefits. A pull of the wire wrapped around his gloved fist and those loving binds squeezed coyly in all those tender places she could have ever wanted them to. She made the sweet mewls to prove it even after he let go.

Perfect, it was all so nearly perfect, but wasn’t quite. No, he had one thing left to do. “Don’t move.” She looked back in her partially bent forward position, but didn’t otherwise move which was fine and good. He beamed at her scrambling to get the dangling overhead light which he had to hop for to plunge them both into total darkness. “Jervis?” “Trust is essential, Mary Ann,” His disembodied voice said while seeming to float across the attic “You trust me, don’t you?” Without so much the pause for a breath she answered “Yes.” leaving her breathless when the generator roared to life on the other side of the room and the multicolored Christmas lights jumped to life around her revealing a grinning Jervis still crouched down from plugging the lights into the power strip. Oh yes, he was very willing to burn gas for this, for her. 

He looked utterly mad in the flittering light with that smile. Wide hazel eyes taking her in like he could physically consume her with them. Anyone else would be terrified of him, but not her, no. No! Not Mary Ann. Silly girl was arched and eager for him to come closer. They’d never done anything like this before. Such a shame! Such an interesting first time! More than made up for it by his math. 

“You’ve never looked more like Alice.” Her eyes went wide at that. There was too little time between the comment and Jervis dropping to his knees in front of her to respond. Even less between that and him pressing his lips to the corner of hers after lightly holding her chin to tilt her head just the way he wanted. He kissed her bottom lip, the top lip, the other corner. Teasing her until she whined about it before pressing his lips to hers and she learned his kisses were like him. Completely overwhelming. He didn’t kiss once in a long slow maneuver, no. He kissed her once, twice, a hundred times then finally slowing down to let her only gasp between them. 

He loved how she trembled, how she gave in. Pressing her chest to his while he let her desperately kiss him back while he enjoyed every sweet exchange. 

He had to indulge himself a little, didn’t he? Couldn’t let her have all the fun.

“Good. So good for me.” Jervis cooed treacly as a dove letting his hands wander as they pleased. Dressed in blue with the cutest pinafore and sweet as can be. Not Alice, but someone close enough for comfort. Someone you could confuse for Alice, but not her, no. He’d forgotten his logic for it at the moment. Was it that she cleaned up better? Mn, it wasn’t important. Mary Ann, dear darling Mary Ann in his arms was. Just a few more kisses he told himself. Just a few more. His tongue slipping in her mouth made them both swoon. Hers was soft and shy. His bold and brash, tasting her like Eve tasting the forbidden fruit and with the same fervor. If you're going to damn yourself it might as well be with gusto. Or in this case turn a friend into a lover. No going back in any case. 

“Jervis…” Down, down the rabbit hole or what felt eerily similar while he kissed his way down her throat to the very top of her chest. He couldn’t go lower and find flesh. He’d not thought ahead and undressed her before tying her up. More's the pity, but there was always later for that sort of fun. Instead he turned her gently, careful of her knees on the eeky creaky old wood of the attic floor while making sure to give the lights slack so as to not pull the plug out of the loose socket.

Hello, Thighs. Did you two miss him? He missed you. Oh, yes he did. He’d never had this much fun adjusting the clothing under someone’s binds before. At some point he’d not taken much notice to, he’d peeled his gloves off and tossed them a little too hard across the room to be found another time. Entirely to eager to finally feel the flesh of those absolutely maddening thighs against his palms. He didn’t have much feeling in his fingertips anymore. Too many scars, too many callouses. How long had it been since he’d felt someone’s thighs shaking like this against his own? How long had it been since someone made such thrilling noises that made every atom of his being vibrate with wanton desire just from his touch? He couldn’t recall. 

The Hatter managed to focus himself, moving pinafore and skirt around to the front and out of his way eventually between giving into the baser instincts his brain sent painful throbbing impulses to his groin demanding. Touch her here, feel her there. Cup right where you know she wants you to and call her yours just to make her whine and pant. A little pause just holding her close to make sure she was still with him before exposing those bloomers he’d spent so much wretched time getting the lace just right on.

“Next time I get it in my head to tie you up,” He whispered resting his chin on her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her hips so he could tangle his fingers in the light cotton fabric of the offending underpants “Be a dear, won’t you, and remind me to undress you first.” “I-” She didn’t get the time for a proper response. She didn’t really need it, did she? He ripped the seam open with a grimace and she let out the most pleasant squeal. “I can fix them later.” He assured as if it mattered. 

“That’s better isn’t it?” It was for him. Lord, was it. “Hm?” “Mhm.” “Now now,” Jervis tutted “I am a man of words. Use them.” She liked it when he was bossy. When he got that growl in his lilting squeaky voice and it dipped low low low to a rumble. It made her shiver and flush normally and though right now her poor face couldn’t get anymore red she managed to peep out a “Yes! Much better!” that told him he was doing everything right. “Good girl.”

Heavens to Betsy, if she wasn’t wiggly before she certainly was now and much to his delight he found out exactly why when he let his fingers go where they were naturally inclined. “Oh my…” Jervis breathed, ghosting just the bare tips of his fingers along her slit. It was hard to tell who was more worked up at this point. The way he clung to her while his fingers slipped into her to feel exactly how much she wanted him of all people was something poets would drool over. That rarely felt realization of what was generally revolting being wanted and oh how wanted he was. “Jervis- Oh my god!” He grinned, nuzzling his face into her hair. She didn’t know he knew how to do this and it was a little funny. People always mistook madness for innocence. He’d lived through the 70’s darling, this was vanilla cream in a lavender darjeeling. He’d bitched this pot before. “Hm, Jervis be nimble, Jervis be quick.” He squeezed her tighter and let his thumb find her clit to rub while his fingers fucked her hard and fast making her arch her back in her binds and shake while calling out his name over and over like a mantra. She didn’t last long at all, no, not after everything and came with all the flash and splendor he dreamed she might. Soaking his fingers in a way that made him nearly regret not skipping straight to the point earlier. “Jesus Christ-” “Not too bad for a lunatic?”

Poor girl could only huff out a few laughs at the silly rhyme after she’d come down a little then moaned low and long in relief in pleasure while sagging against him. “Don’t get too comfortable, darling,” He cooed, wrapping the leashlike cord of lights he’d left for the express purpose of a moment like this around his fingers after he’d pulled them from his lover to give her a little breather, only pulling hard enough to bring her back to attention with a meep. 

“That was just the foreplay.”