6.21.2023 (well it's still the 20th in PST time, but it technically counts)
The SUMMER OF CHANGE has begun!! Three new songs from the CYCLES OF CHANGE era out now + three new music videos that will accompany these songs every Friday!! Can't wait to unveil everything in its own time!!
Stream "SUMMER OF CHANGE": https://ffm.to/summerofchange
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How Did I Get Here?
The right now, just this moment answer? I was led to being here in my morning meditation this morning, which, by the way, I kind of suck at. I suck at meditating. My monkey mind never, I mean, NEVER lets go! The right now, just this moment answer is I was led to being here during my quiet time of contemplation. I have given up on trying to stop my mind from wandering (thank you Lennon and McCartney for my new ear worm ....”I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in .......”) and have begun embracing the paths my mind wanders in. And funny thing is, once I let go of control and started exploring the paths, I have found some pretty cool places and that brings me to the here and right now answering the question of “how did I get here?” Today, I was told I need to blog in my meditation/quiet time of contemplation.
But there is so much more to the full and entire answer to that question! So, blog I will, as I believe it is part of my healing and becoming the me I am supposed to be ... if you wanna join me, I’d enjoy the company! Do, please keep in mind, I have never done this before in this format......so patience may be requested! Yes, even required.
And so, I have answered the question initially but there is more. I can start with the fact that I am almost certainly officially an empty nester. One young man has moved out and started his life in a city a few hours away and the other young man, while still in college is planning a life of travel in his career so even if he does come home, it won’t be for long. He has already admitted he doesn’t feel like he belongs here anymore. Growing pains!
So the empty nest is freeing my world to explore....to explore, well.....me.
Have you ever felt so stuck like a guinea pig running on the wheel in the cage? He’s probably perfectly happy to keep running on that wheel so I am not judging just saying .....the wheel just goes round and round and round ......(National Lampoon’s European Vacation comes to mind “Look Kids, Big Ben, Parliament”). Well, that’s where I started in 2018......and funny back story there also ......remind me to tell you about Hawaii someday!
So, I walked into 2018 inspired because you know, THE NEW YEAR! And then I wasn’t. Pure and simple, not inspired. Dedicated, yes. Loyal, yes. Committed, yes. Inspired? No.
I started reading a daily Tarot card. I started small.....just a card a day but I found it extremely insightful and helpful. I resonated strongly with The Wild Unknown deck and it’s the deck I still use although after a while I started working with the Haindl deck and the Crowley-Thoth deck and the Rider-Waite-Smith deck .......and there are two more that I have found and want. The Wild Unknown, thus far, is still my deck of choice!
In April, I purchased a Tarot reading and learned that INDEED .....I was STUCK. Mother of Swords said I know what to do. Father of Swords said I do have the tools to change my path. And the Hanged Man said ......unless something drastic changes, “you gonna just keep on keepin’on”. Which, by the way, I will pretty much always do.
So, stuckness confirmed. What next? I walked into my favorite goddess shop and saw there was a reader available. She pretty much yelled at me the whole time. Yup, I do mean yelled. I was almost on the right path but I needed more schooling. I needed to do some more work before I was gonna be in the groove. It was mostly a dark read and I begged for light .....she laughed and said something like “it’s dark because it has to be dark! Your light will come when you put the work in.” I paraphrased but you get the gist.
WTF.......WTF. Okay. What positive can I take from that investment? She did teach me a meditation technique to “feed the monkey”. See above regarding my type of meditation. I don’t shut the mind. I quiet the mind with an old migraine headache breathing technique I have always used. The idea is to distract the monkey, give the monkey a banana........and holy shit ....it worked!
Strangely quiet day the next day at work ....checked out courses at local college .......and HOLY SHIT! I am going back to school. This time for human services. Psychology, mental health, adding to the work I already do with people as a personal trainer. My body vibrated with the rightness of this decision. I cried. And I still vibrate inside with the deep rightness of this change of course.
Fast forward to alone time bike rides on the rail trail, listening to podcasts. I discovered Hippie Witch! A joyful 30 to 59 minute listening experience of advice, antedotes, lessons and growth. Fun stuff. I really do recommend it. And anyone who “knows me knows me” (yes, I meant a double knows me) will be surprised that not only have I gotten past her bouncy voice, I truly enjoy it. It’s bouncy.
Okay, so let’s check in....covered meditation, covered Tarot, and now introduced you to Hippie Witch. Check, check, check!
I have found ME! I am right now exploring what all this means because at level 49 years young as of tomorrow, I have come to understand that I am more than the Virgo Sun sign that I have always felt somewhat burdened with .......no disrespect to my fellow Virgos. I embrace all the powerful awesomeness of Virgo but the heavy of Virgo always seemed to weigh me down. And now I understand that that weight was my own “baggage” to work through and I finally have the tools.
Learned bunches in her podcasts......but the answer to “how did I get here?” comes in one of lessons regarding Astrology ...Sun Signs, Ascending or Rising Signs and Moon Signs! Holy Fuck! This was life altering. And I do mean life altering.
I am a Virgo Sun! Sagittarius Rising! Pisces Moon!
Blogs to come:
Hawaii experiences.
Healings and Discussions Your Personalities.
Growth
Plus more as life evolves
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Swipe left for more selects from the #Azure story. Photo @elizabethwirija Model @ajong.y Styling @melreneestyles Makeup @raisaflowers Casting @niaws.t Wearing #chrishabana #sterlingsilver Shown here are the Hunt Earrings, @officialcam_4 collaboration Spear Nipple Pasties, Pearl Hoop Septum/Nostril Cuff and Tribal Thorn Choker —————————— Tap on the photos or click the #linkinbio to shop select collectibles at 20% off with 20% of all sales donated to @naacp_ldf #summerofchange #blackjustice #transrights #defundthepolice (at CHRISHABANA) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCqu8lbna1a/?igshid=90xjg5cyakam
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From James Baldwin interview by Richard Goldstein in 1984 : Goldstein: “Are you as apocalyptic about the prospects for sexual reconciliation as you are about racial reconciliation?” Baldwin: “Well they join. The sexual question and the racial question has always been intertwined, you know, if Americans can mature in the level of racism, then they have to mature on the level of sexuality.” Goldstein: “Why do you feel that homophobia fall so often on the right of the political spectrum?” Baldwin: “It’s a way of controlling people. Nobody really cares who goes to bed with whom, finally. I mean the State doesn’t care, the Church doesn’t really care. They. Are that you should be frightened of what you do. As long as you feel guilty about it, the State can tule you. It’s a way of exerting control over the universe, by terrifying people.” #blacktranslivesmatter #pridemonth #summerofchange #blacklivesmatter #transrights #jamesbaldwin #richardgoldstein (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CB04eQMHlBA/?igshid=105vds1fkcm81
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