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Ritual Abuse

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Ritual Abuse

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Ritual abuse exists all over the world. There have been reports, journal articles[1][2][3], web pages[4][5][6][7][8] and criminal convictions of crimes against children and adults [9][10][11].

Contents

1 Definition

2 Origins of the term

3 Evidence

4 References

5 Bibliography

6 Related Pages

7 External Links

Definition

Ritual abuse has been defined as:

a brutal form of abuse of children, adolescents, and adults, consisting of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse, and involving the use of rituals. Ritual does not necessarily mean satanic. However, most survivors state that they were ritually abused as part of satanic worship for the purpose of indoctrinating them into satanic beliefs and practices. Ritual abuse rarely consists of a single episode. It usually involves repeated abuse over an extended period of time. The physical abuse is severe, sometimes including torture and killing. The sexual abuse is usually painful, sadistic, and humiliating, intended as means of gaining dominance over the victim. The psychological abuse is devastating and involves the use of ritual/indoctrination, which includes mind control techniques and mind altering drugs, and ritual/intimidation which conveys to the victim a profound terror of the cult members and of the evil spirits they believe cult members can command. Both during and after the abuse, most victims are in a state of terror, mind control, and dissociation in which disclosure is exceedingly difficult.[12]

and as

WHAT IS RITUAL ABUSE? (BROAD DEFINITION) Ritual abuse is the abuse of a child, weaker adult, or animal in a ritual setting or manner. In a broad sense, many of our overtly or covertly socially sanctioned actions can be seen as ritual abuse, such as military basic training, hazing, racism, spanking children, and partner-battering. Some abuse is private...some public. Public ritual abuse may be either open or secret. WHAT IS RITUAL ABUSE? (NARROW DEFINITION) The term ritual abuse is generally used to mean prolonged, extreme, sadistic abuse, especially of children, within a group setting. The group's ideology is used to justify the abuse, and abuse is used to teach the group's ideology. The activities are kept secret from society at large, as they violate norms and laws.[13]

Origins of the term

Pazder introduced the term "ritualized abuse" in 1980, describing the experiences of an adult survivor that was disclosing satanic abuse memories. He defined the phenomenon as "repeated physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual assaults combined with a systematic use of symbols, ceremonies, and machinations designed and orchestrated to attain malevolent effects." Later definitions came mostly from professionals addressing ritual abuse in child care settings. Finkelhor, Williams, Burns, and Kalinowski elaborated on Pazder's definition, defining ritual abuse as "abuse that occurs in a context linked to some symbols or group activity that have a religious, magical or supernatural connotation, and where the invocation of these symbols or activities are repeated over time and used to frighten and intimidate the children." Kelley referred to ritual abuse as the "repetitive and systematic sexual, physical, and psychological abuse of children by adults as part of cult or satanic worship"[14].

Evidence

There is a great deal of evidence supporting the existence of ritual abuse crimes as a worldwide phenomenon. Bottoms, Shaver and Goodman found in their 1993 study evaluating ritual abuse claims that in 2,292 alleged ritual abuse cases, 15% of the perpetrators in adult cases and 30% of the perpetrators in child cases confessed to the abuse[15]. "In a survey of 2,709 members of the American Psychological Association, it was found that 30 percent of these professionals had seen cases of ritual or religion-related abuse (Bottoms, Shaver & Goodman, 1991). Of those psychologists who have seen cases of ritual abuse, 93 percent believed that the reported harm took place and 93 percent believed that the alleged ritualism occurred....The similar research of Nancy Perry (1992) which further supports (the previous findings)…Perry also conducted a national survey of therapists who work with clients with dissociative disorders and she found that 88 percent of the 1,185 respondents indicated ”belief in ritual abuse, involving mind control and programming.”[16]

Recently an online survey[17] of over one thousand people answered questions about ritual abuse and extreme abuse crimes. In a summary of the survey [18], it was found that ritual abuse/mind control is a global phenomenon. Fifty-five percent stated they were abuse in a Satanic cult. Seventy-seven percent of the adult survivors that responded "had been threatened with death if they ever talked about the abuse." Also, "257 respondents reported that secret mind control experiments were used on them as children." Eighty-two percent reported being sexually abused by multiple perpetrators.

Anne Johnson Davis in her book Hell Minus One reported that her parents confessed to her abuse in writing and verbally to clergymen, and to the detectives from the Utah Attorney General’s Office. Her suppressed memories started when she was in her mid-30s, which were fully substantiated by her mother and stepfather[19][20].

Many scientific journals articles have discussed the reality of ritual abuse and its effect on its victims. Some of these articles have discussed the extreme nature of these crimes[21], proof of the reality of the ritual abuse phenomenon and victims' symptoms[22], the connection between ritual abuse, multiple personality disorder and mind control[23] and the connections between ritual abuse reports and the higher levels of symptoms of childhood sexual and physical abuse[24]. Several additional studies and organizations have compiled research on the reality of ritual abuse crimes[25][26][27].

Ritual abuse and mind control crimes have also been confirmed in other books[28][29][30][31]

A study which identified 270 cases of sexual abuse in day care settings found that allegations of ritual abuse occurred in thirteen percent of the cases[32]. Additional evidence of ritual abuse in day care and child abuse cases has been found in news reports, journal articles and legal transcripts[33][34][35][36][37].

Ritual abuse occurrences have also been found in the Netherlands [38]and the United Kingdom[39][40] [41] [42][43]. A ritual abuse case in the United States in 2006 had a confession and convictions. The case included up to 25 children.[44]

Kent believes that intergenerational satanic accounts are possible and that rituals related to them may come from a deviant interpretation of religious texts[45][46]. Others have stated that the theories and research around recovered memory "strongly confirm the reality of...cult abuse" of SRA survivors[47].

References

Satanic Ritual Abuse evidence

2008 Publications on Ritual Abuse and Mind Control

Lacter, E (2008-02-11). “Brief Synopsis of the Literature on the Existence of Ritualistic Abuse”.

https://ritualabuse.us

http://nonstatetorture.org/

http://www.ra-info.org

https://www.survivorship.org

http://www.endritualabuse.org/

Believe the children (1997). “Conviction List: Ritual Child Abuse”.

The Satanism and Ritual Abuse Archive

Noblitt, PhD, J. R. - An Empirical Look at the Ritual Abuse Controversy (2007)

Report of the Ritual Abuse Task Force - Los Angeles County Commission for Women "Mind control is the cornerstone of ritual abuse, the key element in the subjugation and silencing of its victims. Victims of ritual abuse are subjected to a rigorously applied system of mind control designed to rob them of their sense of free will and to impose upon them the will of the cult and its leaders. Most often these ritually abusive cults are motivated by a satanic belief system [only on the surface.] The mind control is achieved through an elaborate system of brainwashing, programming, indoctrination, hypnosis, and the use of various mind-altering drugs. The purpose of the mind control is to compel ritual abuse victims to keep the secret of their abuse, to conform to the beliefs and behaviors of the cult, and to become functioning members who serve the cult by carrying out the directives of its leaders without being detected within society at large."[1]

Survivorship - Frequently Asked Questions

Van Benschoten, Susan C. (1990). Multiple Personality Disorder and Satanic Ritual Abuse: the Issue Of Credibility https://scholarsbank.uoregon.edu/xmlui/handle/1794/1492 Dissociation Vol. III, No. 1 "A large number of adult MPD patients in psychotherapy are reporting memories of explicitly satanic ritual abuse beginning in childhood. The authors of two limited surveys, conducted with a select group of MPD therapists, suggest the percentage of reported satanic ritual abuse in the MPD population to be 20% (Braun & Gray, 1986) and 28% (Braun & Gray, 1987). A survey by Kaye and Klein (1987) reveals that 20 of the 42 MPD patients in treatment with seven Ohio therapists describe a history of satanic ritual abuse. Ilopponen (1987) states that 38 of the more than 70 MPD patients she has treated report memories of "satanic-type ritualized abuse " (p. 11). Two inpatient facilities specializing in the treatment of MPD report that approximately 50% of their patients disclose memories of satanic ritual abuse (Braun, 1989a; Ganaway, 1989). Similar accounts of satanic ritual abuse are being reported by personally unrelated MPD patients from across the United States (Braun, 1989b; Braun & Sachs, 1988; Kahaner, 1988; Sachs & Braun, 1987). In addition, according to Braun (1989b), the reports of patients in this country are similar to data collected from adult survivors in England, Holland, Germany, France, Canada, and Mexico...Brown (1986), noting many similar allegations in child and adult satanic ritual abuse accounts, suggests that reports are not only comparable across geographical and personal boundaries, but across generations as well."

Data from Brown, Scheflin and Hammond (1998). Memory, Trauma Treatment, And the Law (W. W. Norton) ISBN 0-393-70254-5 (p.62) Bottoms, B. Shaver, P. & Goodman, G. (1993) Profile of ritual abuse and religion related abuse allegations in the United States. Updated findings provided via personal communication from B. Bottoms. Cited in K.C. Faller (1994), Ritual Abuse; A Review of the research. The American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children Advisor , 7, 1, 19-27

Noblitt, J.R.; Perskin, P. (2000). Cult and Ritual Abuse: Its History, Anthropology, and Recent Discovery in Contemporary America p. 269, Greenwood Publishing Group.

Extreme Abuse Survey

Understanding ritual trauma: A comparison of findings from three online surveys

Johnson Davis, Anne Hell Minus One: My Story of Deliverance From Satanic Ritual Abuse and My Journey to Freedom Transcript Bulletin Publishing - ISBN 978-0-9788348-0-7 - 2008

Hell Minus One - signed verified confessions of satanic ritual abuse

Cozolino, L.J. (1990). “Ritual child abuse, psychopathology, and evil”. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 18(3):218-227 "Ritualistic abuse is an extreme form of psychological, physical, and sexual maltreatment of children in the context of "religious" ceremony. The clinical presentation of the victims of such abuse is complex and raises many issues related in the diagnosis and treatment of psychopathology as well as the importance of spiritual counseling"

Cozolino, L.J.; Shaffer, R.E (Fall 1992) "Adults who report childhood ritualistic abuse." Special Issue: Satanic ritual abuse: The current state of knowledge. Journal of Psychology and Theology 20(3) "Skeptics question the legitimacy of these reports, but many factors point to the reality of the phenomenon of ritualistic abuse. First of all, the degree of consistency between reports of individuals from different parts of the country is very high. The fact that children as young as 2 and 3 report ritualistic abuse experiences that mirror those reported by adult victims is especially striking in light of the fact that young children do not have access to the kind of printed information that might conceivably allow an older person to fabricate such experiences (Gould, 1987). Second, experiences of ritualistic abuse reported by victims of all ages are virtually identical to written historical accounts of Satan worship and the like (Hill & Goodwin, 1989; Russell, 1972), findings that substantiate our present-day understanding of Satanism and ritualistic abuse as intragenerational phenomenon. Third, the symptoms from which individuals reporting histories of ritualistic abuse tend to suffer are consistent with our current understanding of post-traumatic stress disorder and the dissociative disorders. The progression in which ritualistic abuse survivors respond to psychotherapy places these victims squarely within the category of individual who have suffered real-not imagined-trauma."

Gould, C., & Cozolino, L. (1992) “Ritual abuse, multiplicity, and mind-control.” Special Issue: Satanic ritual abuse: The current state of knowledge. Journal of Psychology and Theology 20(3):194-6 "As a result of the psychologically intolerable nature of their early childhood experiences, victims of ritual abuse frequently develop multiple personality disorder (MPD)....Ritual abuse is conducted on behalf of a cult whose purpose is to establish mind control over the victims. Thus, these perpetrators have a conscious motive for the abuse beyond compulsively repeating their own childhood abuse in an effort to gain mastery over the original trauma. Most victims state that they were ritually abused as part of satanic worship, for the purpose of indoctrinating them into satanic beliefs (Los Angeles County Commission for Women, 1989). Mind control is originally established when the victim is a child under 6 years old."

Lawrence, K.J.; Cozolino, L.; Foy, D.W. (1995). Psychological sequelae in adult females reporting childhood ritualistic abuse. Child Abuse & Neglect 19 (8): 975-984. doi:10.1016/0145-2134(95)00059-H. "Women reporting ritualistic features scored significantly higher on measures of childhood sexual and physical abuse. Neither PTSD diagnostic status nor severity for PTSD nor dissociative experiences were significantly different between the groups."

Gould, C. (1995). Denying ritual abuse of children. Journal of Psychohistory, 22(3), 329-339. "The evidence is rapidly accumulating that the problem of ritual abuse is considerable in scope and extremely grave in its consequences Among 2,709 members of the American Psychological Association who responded to a poll, 2,292 cases of ritual abuse were reported (Bottoms, Shaver, & Goodman, 1993). In 1992 alone, Childhelp USA logged 1,741 calls pertaining to ritual abuse, Monarch Resources of Los Angeles logged approximately 5,000, Real Active Survivors tallied nearly 3,600, Justus Unlimited of Colorado received almost 7,000, and Looking Up of Maine handled around 6,000. Even allowing for some of these calls to have been made by people who assist survivors but arc not themselves survivors, and for some survivors to have called more that one helpline or made multiple calls to the same helpline, these numbers suggest that at a minimum there must be tens of thousands of survivors of ritual abuse in the United States. Evidence also continues to accumulate that the ritual abuse of children constitutes a child abuse problem of significant scope. In 1988, Finkelhor, Williams and Burns published the results of a nationwide study of substantiated reports of sexual abuse in day care involving 1,639 young child victims. Thirteen percent of these cases were found to involve ritual abuse. Other studies of ritually abused children have been relatively small. Kelly (1988; 1989; 1992a; 1992b; 1993) reported on 35 day care victims of ritual abuse, Waterman et al. (1993) reported on 82 children complaining of ritual abuse in preschool, Faller (1988; 1990) studied 18 children who had disclosed ritual abuse in their preschool, and Bybee and Mowbray (1993) from the Michigan State Department of Mental Health identified 62 children alleging ritual abuse in their preschool and 53 children who reported seeing others be ritually abused. Snow and Sorenson (1990) studied 39 children reporting ritual abuse in five neighborhoods in Utah, and Jonker and Jonker-Bakker (1991) reported on a total group of 98 children, at least 48 of whom were believed to be victims of ritual abuse. The latter case is the only one cited here which was conducted outside of the United States."[2]

Paley, K. (June 1992). Dream wars: a case study of a woman with multiple personality disorder Dissociation 5 (2): 111-116. "Apologists believe that reports of satanic cult abuse either must or could be true. There is some evidence to support the apologists. In 1986, the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts in Commonwealth v. Drew (397 Mass. 65) upheld the conviction of Carl H. Drew for the murder of Karen Marsden. There was evidence that Drew conducted satanic ritual meetings and that he had killed Marsden "because she wanted to leave the cult " (Commonworth v. Drew, 1986, p. 66). Marsden had gone to the police and reported a human sacrifice. Scott Waterhouse was convicted of the murder of a twelve year-old girl, and the conviction was upheld in the State of Maine v. Scott Waterhouse (513 A. 2d 862, Me. 1986). It was ruled that the trial court's introduction of the defendant's satanic beliefs was relevant in establishing motive and intent. In a study of hundreds of day care centers, Finkelhor and Williams found that "... [c]lear-cut corroboration of ritualistic practices was available in a few cases, such as Country Walk [in Miami], where ritual objects were found by police and where the female perpetrators did admit to some of the sadistic practices alleged in the children's stories" (1988, pp. 59-60). Greaves (1992) describes a video made by the Chicago Police Department of two sites allegedly used for satanic ceremonies. He was struck by the similarity of the material to descriptions he had heard from many of his clients.

Report of Utah State Task Force on Ritual Abuse Utah Governor’s Commission for Women and Families (1992)

Secret Weapons - Two Sisters’ Terrifying True Story of Sex, Spies and Sabotage by Cheryl and Lynn Hersha with Dale Griffis, Ph D. and Ted Schwartz. New Horizon Press, P O Box 669 Far Hills, NJ 07931 - ISBN0-88282-196-2 "“By the time Cheryl Hersha came to the facility, knowledge of multiple personality was so complete that doctors understood how the mind separated into distinct ego states,each unaware of the other. First, the person traumatized had to be both extremely intelligent and under the age of seven, two conditions not yet understood though remaining consistent as factors. The trauma was almost always of a sexual nature…” p. 52 “The government researchers,aware of the information in the professional journals, decided to reverse the process (of healing from hysteric dissociation). They decided to use selective trauma on healthy children to create personalities capable of committing acts desired for national security and defense.” p. 53 - 54

Rutz, Carol (2001). A Nation Betrayed. Grass Lake, MI: Fidelity Publishing. ISBN 0-9710102-0-X.

Byington, Judy MSW, LCSW, ret. (2012) Twenty-Two Faces - Inside the Extraordinary Life of Jenny Hill and Her Twenty-Two Multiple Personalities Tate Publishing May, 2012 ISBN-13: 978-1620240328 "Twenty-Two Faces documents how the only known survivor-intended-victim of a modern-day human sacrifice ceremony six year-old Jenny Hill, overcomes multiplicity resulting from brainwashing, her perpetrators having subjected the child to insidious mind-control techniques culled from Nazi Germany."

Allred, Cathy 7/28/12 Surviving Satan worship: Author helps victims heal Daily Herald "Ritual abuse was taken seriously and investigated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to which Jenny belongs,"...."Hundreds of survivors have been found," Ross said...'Twenty-Two Faces' encourages the reader to focus on the pain, conflict and healing in Jenny's life in order to better understand the anguish of people who suffer these same types of devastating ordeals. Her biography gives realistic hope to those thousands so plagued and fragmented by this same gruesome, profound emotional shock." While others are healing, Byington claims others remain at the mercy of the dark priests of hell. Satan worshippers live in Happy Valley and elsewhere in Utah, according to the author. They have secret combinations. They live in duplicity. They torture and sacrifice the innocent. They give birth in secret so the babies they sacrifice have no birth certificate record. They take the time to learn speaking Latin backwards from what is called the Black Bible."

Sexual Abuse in Day Care: A National Study - Executive Summary - March 1988 Finklehor, Williams, Burns, Kalinowski "“The study identified 270 “cases” of sexual abuse in day care meaning 270 facilities where substantiated abuse had occurred involving a total of 1639 victimized children….This yielded an estimate of 500 to 550 reported and substantiated cases and 2500 victims for the three-year period. Although this is a large number, it must be put in the context of 229,000 day care facilities nationwide service seven million children…allegations of ritual abuse (”the invocation of religious, magical or supernatural symbols of activities”) occurred in 13% of the cases.”

Day Care and Child Abuse Cases Information on the McMartin Preschool Case, Michelle Remembers, the Fells Acres - Amirault Case, the Wenatchee, Washington Case, the Dale Akiki Case, the Glendale Montessori - Toward case, the Little Rascals Day Care Center case, Fran’s Day Care case, the Baran case and the Halsey case

McMartin Preschool Case - What Really Happened and the Coverup

deMause, Lloyd, Why Cults Terrorize and Kill Children The Journal of Psychohistory 21 (4) 1994 "Cult abuse is increasing, only that-as with the increase in all child abuse reports-we have become more open to hearing them. But it seemed unlikely that the surge of cult memories could all be made up by patients or implanted by therapists. Therapists are a timid group at best, and the notion that they suddenly begin implanting false memories in tens of thousands of their clients for no apparent reason strained credulity. Certainly no one has presented a shred of evidence for massive "false memory" implantations." [3]

Summit, R.C. (1994). The Dark Tunnels of McMartin Journal of Psychohistory 21 (4): 397-416."The opportunity came in April, 1990 with permission from the new owner of the preschool to search for the tunnels before he demolished the building and redeveloped the property. These soiled but solid citizens managed to find what the district attorney had disclaimed: solid, scientific evidence that someone had not only dug tunnels under the preschool, but also had taken the trouble to try to undo them. The results of this definitive excavation are described in meticulous detail in the 185 page Report of the Archaeological Excavation of the McMartin Preschool Site by E. Gary Stickel, Ph.D., the UCLA archaeologist commissioned to do the study....Dr. Stickel's report (p.95) concludes: There is no other scenario that fits all of the facts except that the feature was indeed a tunnel. The date of the construction and use of the tunnel was not absolutely established, but an assessment of seven factors of data all indicate that it was probably constructed, used and completely filled back in after 1966 (the construction date of the preschool). This age assessment has also been corroborated by the consulting Geologist for the project, Dr. Don Michael." [4]

Tamarkin, C. (1994a). Investigative Issues in Ritual Abuse Cases, Part I. Treating Abuse Today, 4 (4): 14-23. Tamarkin, C. (1994b). Investigative Issues in Ritual Abuse Cases, Part II. Treating Abuse Today, 4 (5): 5-9.

Jonker, F.; Jonker-bakker, P. (1991). “Experiences with ritualistic child sexual abuse: a case study from the Netherlands”. Child Abuse and Neglect 15: 191-196. doi:10.1016/0145-2134(91)90064-K. PMID 2043971 "The case of apparent ritual sexual abuse of children in a community in the Netherlands is described in terms of the children's stories, behaviors, and physical symptoms and the community's reaction to reactions of police and other professionals."

Sinason, V (1994). Treating Survivors of Satanist Abuse. New York: Routledge. ISBN 0-415-10543-9. Major publications by Valerie Sinason

Cornish 'white witches' guilty of ritual sex abuse on girls Police say children as young as three may have been involved in coven's ceremonies Steven Morris 12/14/12 "Two members of a Cornish white witch coven have been convicted of carrying out ritualistic sex abuse on young girls. Peter Petrauske, 72, who claimed to be a high priest, and Jack Kemp, 69, donned robes and carried pagan artefacts when they attended ceremonies during which children were forced to strip and then abused. Police believe children as young as three may have been involved."

Pair jailed over witches' coven 'ritualistic' sex abuse Ryan Hooper 12/14/12 "Two men accused of being part of a paedophile ring involving murdered “witch” Peter Solheim have been given lengthy jail sentences for their part in “ritualistic, sickening” sex abuse of young girls. Jack Kemp and Peter Petrauske spent years tormenting their female victims, one said to be as young as three. Both men had denied any involvement in the abuse, claiming they were victims of a witch hunt or conspiracy. But a jury at Truro Crown Court dismissed their protestations, convicting the pair of a string of offences dating back to the 1970s, as well as finding Kemp guilty of several more recent sexual assaults unconnected to Petrauske. Jailing Kemp for 14 years and Petrauske for 18, Judge Graham Cottle told them: "The offences range from the extremely serious to the truly horrifying. "You are two of the surviving members of a paedophile ring, together with others whose names have repeated frequently in this trial who were members of a ring that operated in Falmouth (Cornwall) in the 1970s and 1980s...."It (the trial) has featured ritualistic, sickening abuse of young, young children."

'White witch coven' took part ritualistic sex abuse of young girls, court told Two men deny string of attacks in Cornwall on children as young as three from late 1970s to 2009 Steven Morris and agency 11/28/12 "Members of a "white witch coven" in Cornwall donned ceremonial robes and used daggers in ritualistic sex abuse of young girls, a court has heard. Peter Petrauske, 72, who allegedly told police he was high priest of the coven, and Jack Kemp, 69, were said to have been involved in criminal "pagan ceremonies" over a 30-year period."

Paedophile cult leader convicted for 'satanic' rape campaign Colin Batley was self-styled high priest of group that handed children around for sex in Kidwelly, West Wales 3/9/11 "A man has been found guilty of leading a "satanic" sex cult from his home in a small Welsh town. Colin Batley, 48, of Kidwelly, west Wales, presided over a group that preyed on young children and held occult rites. He was found guilty at Swansea crown court of rape and carrying out perverted sexual acts on children and adults. Batley was the self-styled high priest of the group, which operated from a series of homes in a cul-de-sac in the seaside town."

Satanist paedophile ring 'ritually raped up to 25 children' Tom Leonard in Ponchatoula 6/3/05 "In a case that has horrified Americans way beyond the Bible Belt, Louis Lamonica Jnr and eight members the Hosanna Church are accused of being members of a Satanic paedophile ring who ritually raped up to 25 children, as well as performing animal sacrifices. Police say some of those charged - who include Lamonica's wife and a deputy sheriff - have already admitted devil worship inside the now defunct church on the outskirts of Ponchatoula, the parish's main town. The discovery of badly rubbed-out pentagrams on the floor and eight boxes of hooded black costumes - allegedly used both in the abuse and in "morality tales" performed to prepare the young victims - bear out some of the claims....Lamonica himself astonished police by walking into a neighbouring sheriff's office a few weeks ago and confessing out of the blue that over five years he and other church members had sexually abused boys and girls aged between one and 16 and taught them to have sex with each other, as well as with a dog. Lamonica, 45, said he had drunk cat's blood and poured it over the bodies of his young victims, some of whom were the abusers' children. Local police say his claims have been confirmed by some of the victims, of whom half a dozen have so far been interviewed, and by some of the fellow abusers, whose names Lamonica freely gave to police."

Kent, Stephen. (1993). “Deviant Scripturalism and Ritual Satanic Abuse Part One: Possible Judeo-Christian Influences”. Religion 23(23):229-241.

Kent, Stephen. (1993). “Deviant Scripturalism and Ritual Satanic Abuse. II: Possible Masonic, Mormon, Magick, and Pagan influences”. Religion 23(4):355-367

McCulley, D. Satanic ritual abuse: A question of memory. Journal of Psychology and Theology Fall 1994 22(3) p.167-172 "leading memory researchers such as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk of Harvard Medical School maintain that traumatic memories, which typically are engraved in the sensorimotor processes, are not subject to the same kinds of contamination that can affect normal memory. Traumatic amnesia, described in the DSM-III-R as psychogenic amnesia, is a phenomenon which has been known to mental health professionals for more than 100 years. The clinically observed characteristics of traumatic memory formation and retrieval match precisely the patterns of memory recovery exhibited by SRA survivors, and strongly confirm the reality of their cult abuse....If satanic ritual abuse is a question of memory, the data redound to the credibility of those thousands of individuals who identify themselves as SRA survivors. All the scientific studies of memory under trauma indicate that the bimodal response described by van der Kolk (1994), whether hyperpotentiated or dissociative, heightens the reliability of recall. The phenomenon of recovered memory is not a new therapeutic fad created by irresponsible clinical experimentation, but a well established aspect of trauma. The connection between trauma and memory disturbance is made clear by the definition of psychogenic amnesia in the DSM-III-R (1987)...Further, there often is corroboration for these retrieved memories. Judith Herman and Emily Schatzow (1992) found that in a sample of 53 women who disclosed memories of abuse for which they had been amnesic, 74% of the subjects were able to find independent confirmation from family members, pornographic photos, or diaries. Ivor Browne (1990a) found the "internal consistency of the traumatic account" persuasive, and also discovered that in the sizeable minority of cases where there was an available witness that "in every instance, the traumatic events . turn out to be true" (p. 30). There is no longer room for denial and disbelief - for evading the grim reality of SRA - by recourse to memory research which simply does not apply. Solid scientific inquiry does not allow us that luxury; neither should Christian conscience."

Bibliography

Byington, Judy MSW, LCSW, ret. (2012) Twenty-Two Faces - Inside the Extraordinary Life of Jenny Hill and Her Twenty-Two Multiple Personalities Tate Publishing May, 2012 ISBN-13: 978-1620240328

Brown, Scheflin and Hammond (1998). Memory, Trauma Treatment, And the Law (W. W. Norton) ISBN 0-393-70254-5

Cook, C. (1991). Understanding ritual abuse: A study of thirty-three ritual abuse survivors. Treating Abuse Today, 1(4), 14-19.

Cozolino, L.J. (1989). “The ritual abuse of children: Implications for clinical practice and research.” Journal of Sex Research 26(1), 131-138.

Craighead, W. E.; Corsini, R.J.; Nemeroff, C. B. (2002) The Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science Published by John Wiley and Sons ISBN 0471270830 - Sadistic Ritual Abuse (p. 1435 - 1438)

Epstein, O., Schwartz, J., Schwartz, R. (2011) Ritual Abuse and Mind Control: The Manipulation of Attachment Needs Karnac Books. London ISBN 1-85575-839-3 Google Books Version

Gould, C. (1992) “Ritual abuse, multiplicity, and mind-control.” Special Issue: Satanic ritual abuse: The current state of knowledge. Journal of Psychology and Theology 20(3):194-6

Hersha, C.; Hersha, L.; Griffis, D.; Schwarz, T (2001). Secret Weapons. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press. ISBN 0-88282-196-2.

Hill, J. Believing Rachel The Journal of Psychohistory 24 (2) Fall 1996 "Rachel's story is one of suffering, courage and hope. As a young child she was the victim of unspeakable crimes, but because she received therapy and the support of a loving family, she has emerged intact."

Johnston, Jerry (1989). The Edge of Evil - The Rise of Satanism in North America. Dallas: Word Publishing. ISBN 0-8499-0668-7.

Jonker, F and Jonker-Bakker, I. (1997). “Effects of Ritual Abuse: The results of three surveys in the Netherlands.” Child Abuse & Neglect 21(6):541-556

Kent, S. (1994). “Diabolic Debates: A Reply to David Frankfurter and J. S. La Fontaine,” Religion 24: 135-188.

Kent, S. (1993). “Deviant Scripturalism and Ritual Satanic Abuse Part One: Possible Judeo-Christian Influences”. Religion 23(23):229-241.

Kent, S. (1993). “Deviant Scripturalism and Ritual Satanic Abuse. II: Possible Masonic, Mormon, Magick, and Pagan influences”. Religion 23(4):355-367

Leavitt, F. Measuring the impact of media exposure and hospital treatment on patients alleging satanic ritual abuse. Treating Abuse Today 8(4) 1998 pp. 7-13 "This study provides evidence that clients who report SRA exhibit a set of associations to SRA-related words that cannot be explained by exposure to the popular media or from inpatient treatment."

Miller, Alison (2011) Healing the Unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control ISBN 978 1 85575 882 7 October 2011 Publisher: Karnac Books

Neswald, D., Gould, C., & Graham-Costain, V. (1991). Common programs observed in survivors of Satanic ritual abuse. The California Therapist, 3 (5), 47 50. "Increasingly, cases of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and Satanic Ritualistic Abuse (SRA) are being reported in the psychotherapeutic community. Though controversy concerning authenticity remains, such cases are slowly gaining in acceptability as a genuine social and psychopathological phenomenon. Concurrently, the etiological underpinnings and treatment demands of these special patients are being unraveled and understood as never before. As a result, it is becoming increasingly clear that perhaps the most demanding treatment aspects of such cases concern the problems posed by what is known as "cult programming." [5]

Noblitt, J.R.; Perskin, P. (2000). Cult and Ritual Abuse: Its History, Anthropology, and Recent Discovery in Contemporary America p. 269, Greenwood Publishing Group.

Noblitt, R.; Perskin, P. (2008). Ritual abuse in the 21st century p. 552, Bandon, OR: Reed Publishers.

Pike, P.L.; Mohline, R.J.(Eds.). Ritual abuse and recovery: Survivors' personal accounts. Journal of Psychology and Theology Spring 1995 23 (1) p.45-55

Sachs, A. & Galton, G. (Eds) (2008). Forensic Aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder London: Karnac. Chapters include discussions on ritual abuse, dissociative identity disorder, mind control, extreme abuse, survivor accounts and criminal convictions [6]

Scott, S. (2001). The politics and experience of ritual abuse: beyond disbelief. Open University Press. ISBN 0335204198.

Smith, Margaret. (1993). Ritual Abuse: What it is, why it happens, and how to help - HarperCollins

Waterman, Jill; Kelly, Robert J.;Oliveri, M. K.;and McCord, Jane (1993). Behind the Playground Walls - Sexual Abuse in Preschools. New York, London: The Guilford Press ISBN 0-89862-523-8.

Young, Walter C., Sachs, Roberta G., Braun, Bennett G., and Watkins, R. T. (1993) “Patients reporting ritual abuse in childhood: A clinical syndrome. Report of 37 cases.” Child Abuse and Neglect 15(3):181-9

Breaking the Circle of Satanic Ritual Abuse

Cult and Ritual Abuse

Extreme Abuse Surveys

Hell Minus One

Ritual Abuse in the Twenty-First Century

Ritual Abuse Torture

Satanic Ritual Abuse Evidence and Journal Articles

Treating Survivors of Satanist Abuse

External Links

An Empirical Look at the Ritual Abuse Controversy

Ritual Abuse articles

Ritual Abuse Cases

Extreme Abuse Survey

http://nonstatetorture.org/

http://www.ra-info.org

http://www.survivorship.org

Ritual Abuse Statistics & Research

#ritual abuse #satanic ritual abuse #hell minus one #cult and ritual abuse #extreme abuse surveys #satanist abuse #child abuse #posttraumatic symptomatology #dissociative identity disorder #severe abuse

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echoland · 3 months

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Sorry but tell me you are blind to a postlinguistic and inexpressible deep alienation from the world which you can observe in others in your commonality of alienation without telling me that. If their theory is adorned (literary) that is because of a rejection/repression (-- reduction) of the infinite complexity of the "common" man (bloom) and his ruin

#this is also bloom btw - bloom insists upon his unique alienation - unique in its being plain #&&#you have to be against operationalizations && nominalizations && descriptiveness/symptomatology in order 4 this to hold #hence lose all your analytic power

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livingwellnessblog · 1 year

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Exploring the Nexus of Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, and Emotion Regulation in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Treatment

Mindfulness interventions encompass a diverse array of techniques that cultivate present-moment awareness, emotional regulation, and self-compassion.

Emotion Regulation, Mindfulness, and Self-Compassion in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) How do emotion regulation difficulties manifest within the spectrum of BPD symptoms? To what extent does the deficit in mindful awareness contribute to emotional dysregulation in BPD? How does self-compassion mitigate the impact of self-criticism and negative affect in BPD? What are the potential…

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jannwrites · 2 months

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Alternative readings for The Body Keeps the Score

hi, i'm a practicing mental health therapist and a writer here on tumblr dot com. the body keeps the score by dr. bessel van der kolk has a couple issues with it, primarily in the author's very much cishet male eurocentric approach to trauma and the graphic nature of the book. here's a list of some books about trauma that i've found preferable to the body keeps the score in addressing trauma and how the body holds onto trauma. i've included pdf links for ones i could find:

HEALING TRAUMA by peter a. levine. this one is a far less denser read than the body keeps the score while still providing solid education on trauma symptomatology. it even comes with mp3 access to exercises to address somatic symptoms.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S HANDS by resmaa menakem. this one discusses how racism in america is ingrained in our society and how intergenerational racial trauma is ingrained in our bodies.

INFLAMED by rupa marya & raj patel. this was written in response to the COVID-19 pandemic and the structural injustices in medicine that caused so many racial disparities in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, and how trauma caused by our political systems affect the different systems of the body.

THE POLITICS OF TRAUMA: SOMATICS, HEALING, & SOCIAL JUSTICE by staci haines. a great read on how trauma is not just an individual problem but a societal problem, and how to integrate trauma work into society at large.

TRAUMA & RECOVERY by judith l. herman. this is a classic in the therapy field and really set the tone for our modern approaches to trauma treatment. the pdf linked is the first edition of the book but it has since been updated as we learn more about complex trauma.

THE BODY NEVER LIES: THE LINGERING EFFECTS OF CRUEL PARENTING by alice miller. what it says on the tin: this book covers the effects of trauma inflicted by parents on the body and the brain.

cheers, and happy reading!

#mental health guide #reading guide #mental health resources #reading resources #writing resources #rp resources #rpc resources #guide: mental health.#* mine.#clawing my way back onto this blog because i have been reading stuff again

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drunkwhenimadethis · 3 months

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Thankful for writers. Thankful for lucid, linear thinkers. Nothing straightens my head faster than the feline-black eye of that glamorous Brazilian hermetic and the Jungian psychoanalyst whose books I read. She writes, “the girl was subterranean and never really flowered.” He writes, “Her symptomatology is proportionate to the pain she suffers. The depression is evidence of the dynamic character of the psyche which wishes life.” I understand but I don’t know what I understand. They confirm something for me that I don’t know how to repeat in my own language. I move back and forth between fiction and analysis wanting more of my condition reflected (I want empathy? I want a guru? I want a physically affectionate God?).

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primrosepollen · 6 months

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i'm reading "dostoevskij and parricide" by freud because unfortunately it's in my brothers karamazov edition and i must say, if based on what i studied in high school about him i thought he was just a person who was trying to find some logic about the topic of the human psyche but unfortunately arrived to some deeply unpleasant conclusions that were subsequently disproven (kind of a la greek philosophy), now i have the unwavering opinion that he was a callous man, and not even a very intelligent one.

one of the themes of brothers karamazov is that people are complex, they contain both the abyss of abjection and the highs of virtue at the same time. that doesn't make you either a virtuous person or a evil one. and yet freud opens this essay (essay written for an edition of brothers karamazov) by stating that since dostoevskij wrote about "people with violent tendencies" then he himself must have been a evil individual, and therefore all the (documented) love he had for other people must be fake and simulated, and of course, "symptom of neurosis".

another theme of the book is how doctors don't really know what they're doing at best, or at worst make everything worse by ignoring facts that disprove their preconceived diagnosis. and what does freud do? he talks about dostoevskij's epilepsy (which to me is extremely absurd because how are you even trying to diagnose a person you don't know 50 years after he died), which is promptly described as another symptom of neurosis because it doesn't follow the "official symptomatology", so it's not physiological but hysterical, and it must derive from some sort of altered sexual flux (because OF COURSE it does). it doesn't matter to freud that biographical data disproves his theory of "dostoevskij's illness only relapsed during periods of emotional stress", and it doesn't even occur to him that maybe dostoevskij had an atypical epilepsy, or that freud's "symptomatology" was incorrect or lacking, or that maybe he had a totally different illness but there still wasn't a name for it so he went for the closest one. no, all this doesn't even cross this guy's mind, because he's right and the patient is always wrong. he actively dismisses everything that contradicts his premade theory with a "the patient is neurotic and can't be trusted with anything he says. also people with mental disorders are always idiots and dostoevskij wasn't an idiot so he must be hysterical".

what's really laughable (read: tragic) about this is that dostoevskij wrote a WHOLE chapter about how you can't trust psychiatrists because they will diagnose you with kookoocrazy disorder just because you looked the wrong way in their opinion, not to mention all the other ways doctors outright don't care about patients, not to mention the absolutely respectful and loving way he talked about mentally ill people, and freud wrote a whole ass essay about taking pride in acting in that same reprehensible way. an essay that was meant to be published with the book. unbelievable. tone deaf, arrogant, callous and extremely stupid too.

#sigmund freud #fëdor dostoevskij #brothers karamazov #i won't talk about my own experience of being a psych/neuro patient #i won't talk about the countless ways psychiatry was and is just a tool to victimize the weak and undesirable #people smarter than me have said it #i'm not reading another word of what that poor excuse of a person wrote about one of the most beautiful and loving books ever written

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astroyongie · 5 months

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Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers

Note: One more <3 hope it helps guys

“How Am I” Section

“Why is it always me? Why does it always happen to me?”

What happens in the unconscious brain:

thi is a question that we have all asked ourselves at least once in our life, but for some people with more pessimist self image and personality, this becomes recurrent and a defense whenever an event happens in their life

In psychology, this is a type of negative thought that comes from depressive symptomatology. it starts with “Bad things are always happening”, to “This happens only to me and never the others'' and finished with “it's probably my fault”

the person tends to have a very low self esteem and these thoughts quickly go from “It’s not that the world is a bad place, is that i am useless and cannot do things right”

this typeof thought really comes from the inner guilt, shame and depression

whereas the act of always blaming others and the world comes from underlying unconscious anger and injustice.

in these moments, feelings become so hard to process and often, we forget that we are people who can rationalize things

but of course everyone needs to go at their own pace

Damasio, showed that our brain is influenced strongly by emotions compared to rationality. we always process the emotions before (unless there’s an underlying condition in the prefrontal lobe that disturbs the emotional processing of the brain).

Thankfully, the pessimistic person is wrong. There's nothing wrong with them. it's simply your brain processing emotions first. now you have to simply embarrass those before rationalizing the event and engage in positive thinking

if you are interested in more of this topics you can check the works of Martin Seligman, Antonio Damasio and Emmy Van Deurzen

So what can we do?

It seems totally stupid but trying to become more positive by shifting the way we think and slowly using that in our daily life.

So okay, something bad happened. instead of thinking “fuck, its my fault, i a useless, it halways happens to me”, try with “Okay this is a bad thing that happened, it makes me sad, but it also provides experience so i know what to do next time it happens”

By changing thought patterns into something more positive, you will be able to see your perception of the world change without the necessity of needing to be reborn again

Embrace life as it is

implies daring to welcome inevitable suffering, anxiety and guilt as an intrinsic part of existence

anxiety and guilt is something that will always accompany us in our life, but it motivate us to look deep inside of us in order to understand the authentic self and change into something more healthy

Now, you know where to work to become a better version of yourself

#psychology #psychology appointment #psychology notes #psychology facts #mental health #psychotherapy

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oaresearchpaper · 9 months

Link

#Phytophtora pod rot #Pathogenicity #Symptomatology #Inoculation #Pathogen #Blighting #Necrotic symptoms #Sporangia #Mummified

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talonabraxas · 4 months

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Etheric Vision Etheric Vision In the inner work of developing your consciousness, there is a stage of development called “etheric vision”. This concept is found in many forms in the work of Rudolf Steiner. To form an idea of this, it is useful to look at the work of Goethe known as phenomenology, or the perception of phenomena.

This essay attempts to answer the following questions:

Is phenomenology etheric vision?

What is the symptomatology of being conscious in the ether body?

What does it mean to find oneself in the world?

If I find myself in the world, to what does the phrase “inner life” refer?

What does it mean to be outside of the body, or think “off of” the brain?

What is living picture imagination?

The etheric or life realm has a foundation in the shifting form patterns of organic development. Leaf follows leaf, mountain leads to valley, cloud follows cloud in organized sequences. Goethe recognized these patterns and their relationships and built a whole science of observation on them. The work of establishing a phenomenological science led Goethe to the foundations of nature. It does not however automatically lead to the discovery of self in the world or what we could call etheric vision. For this to happen some sort of meditative focus is necessary along with the work with the phenomena of nature.

Fundamentally there are two stages of this work. The first stage involves controlling your attention when you are having a sensory experience. There are several levels of this. A simple exercise that contains all of the levels is called, “entering into the spirit of the place”.

In a natural setting find a place that is unknown to you and sit down in a comfortable position. Direct your attention to a circle around you that is only three feet across. At first, there will be very little recognition going on because you are still “arriving” there. When your mind settles down pay attention to the first detail of your surroundings that attracts your attention. Make a mental note of the detail and then try to clear your mind of any thoughts related to the detail or the exercise. Sooner or later another detail of your immediate surroundings will arouse your interest. Note this detail and then once again clear your mind. A third time a feature of your immediate surroundings will rise into your consciousness. This time pay attention to what is interesting to you. This third feature will be treated as seed for the rest of the work, or in alchemical language, a kind of “earth”.

To an alchemist, the emergence of a particular detail out of a ground of details is the characteristic of the stage of consciousness known as “earth”. Earth consciousness is the foundation that can serve to support higher vision. In it, you practice controlling your attention until you can realize just when a new sensation breaks into your field of consciousness. This is an “earthing” or settling of the normal flow of uncognized images in the memory. By making a conscious effort to recognize when a new sensation arises in the consciousness you help your attention to become focalized by your will. This is the first step in transforming your imagination into a creative tool.

The next step is to train your attention to flow along what could be called the lines of emergence of the phenomenon. To do this you need to take the earth stage of consciousness a stage higher. To do this return to the same spot as the first exercise. This time expand your attention to a circle about ten feet in diameter. Like the first exercise, clear your mind and watch for something in the field of vision to impress itself on your attentive consciousness. Notice the first detail and then clear your mind. Notice the second detail that draws your attention and then clear your mind. Notice the third detail that arises in your attention. Hold that image in your mind’s eye. Then dissolve that image and recall the third image of the previous session. Then dissolve that detail and sit in silence. In a journal, record what both the first and second detail were.

To an alchemist, this stage of returning to the same spot at a different time involves the dimension of time in a dynamic way. The inclusion of time into the process moves the attention away from the details themselves and starts to link the consciousness in the perception of what an alchemist would call “water”. We might call it the flow of the consciousness between events and sensations. To include the first and second times as part of the process you push your consciousness into what esotericists call the “etheric or life consciousness”. Life changes details by expanding individual events into a flowing set of developing relationships. Rocks crumble, plants grow, clouds change, and organs function in ever-developing sets of relationships and functions. When you return to the same site and perform the same observational modality the repetition expands your consciousness into the living dimension of the space that you are in. That is why it if lawful to expand your circle of attention to ten feet instead of the original three feet. You can still see details of things at ten feet but there is a border that is established where details no longer can apply and you must shift your consciousness to a more fluid mode.

This meditative work is necessary to develop a kind of thinking that is not dependent upon memories of sense experiences. This type of thinking is called sense-free thinking. It is not possible to develop sense-free thinking by looking at plants or clouds. It is possible to develop sense-free thinking by first strengthening the inner picture forming capacity by controlling the production of inner picture forming processes. This is done by paying attention to which sense enters consciously into the realm of the archetypes that stand behind the forms in nature. Goethe moved in this direction when he found the technique of exact sense perception. In this technique, the conscious holding of inner images of plant metamorphosis is practiced. This puts the soul in the domain of etheric vision but not in the place where we are working on the vision process itself. To consciously work the vision processes of the etheric it is necessary to establish a consciousness that can track etheric motion phenomena in the place where images are no longer present. In this silent place, the noun-like nature of the phenomenon is perceived as verb-like. The inner image is no longer a thing but a becoming. Goethe was enthused about the realm of the becomings in nature and could enter into it in an imaginative way, but his rigor as a scientist did not allow him to step out of the flow of the imaginations and perceive the motions of the becoming directly as differing qualities of movement.

The symptomatology of being conscious in the etheric body is the perception of flowing images, each one morphing into the next. This symptomatology is characteristic of being within etheric vision but not having the capacity of etheric vision. That is, we can participate in etheric vision but not understand it or are not able to direct it. It is similar to asking, does the fish know it is in the water? Do we know we are in the spirit?

When we are in etheric vision, we do not have the capacity to separate out from it. To separate out from the flow of the phenomena while simultaneously being “with” it is the ability to use our inner life to dampen down the inner images into a state of inner silence in which all memories and associations of sensory experience are left behind. In this totally silent realm, we begin to develop the inner fortitude to be able to stand the impact of seeing the etheric without inflation overwhelming the balance of the soul. Inflation is the feeling that we are “special” because we can see the etheric. This causes our sense of self to become “bigger”, hence inflation. Inflation of the soul results in distortion of our sense of reality. Great care must be taken with the results of etheric vision lest you invite unknown repercussions from the natural world.

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sysmedsaresexist · 3 months

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News Flash ⚡️

Unraveling the Layers: Dissociative Identity Disorder as a Response to Trauma

Bistas K, Grewal R (May 20, 2024)

Abstract

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously recognized as multiple personality disorder, impacts approximately 1.5% of the population. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), outlines various dissociative disorders (DDs), including depersonalization/derealization disorder, dissociative amnesia, DID, unspecified DD, and other specified DDs. Among these, DID stands out as the most severe, characterized by persistent depersonalization/derealization and dissociative amnesia. This case report explores the symptomatology of DID, available treatments, and the role of trauma.

This is SUCH A GOOD ARTICLE, and brand new

#CDDs first #did #osdd #osddid #actually dissociative #actually traumagenic #not syscourse #news flash #system safe #pro endo #reading is syspunk #research #plurality #syspunk

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subsystems · 2 years

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Let's talk about longitudinal studies on dissociation!

First off, what is a longitudinal study? This is a type of academic experiment where researchers study the same group of volunteers over a long period of time, usually several years. It's very effective for seeing how the same things change over time, such as how people might develop dissociative disorders.

The longitudinal study I want to share is "Development and the fragmented self: longitudinal study of dissociative symptomatology in a nonclinical sample" by researchers Ogawa, Sroufe, Weinfield, Carlson, and Egeland. This was a longitudinal study over the span of 19 years, looking to investigate the emergence of pathological dissociation in a person.

Experiencing dissociation is normal to some extent! But pathological dissociation is described as severe & abnormal dissociation such as amnesia, identity confusion, identity fragmentation, and depersonalization & derealization.

Okay, now let's talk about the study. The study followed 168 children from birth to 19 years old. They were in "at-risk" families which experienced things like poverty or a teenage parent. Here's what the study discovered after 19 years:

Trauma is necessary but not sufficient for pathological dissociation. Not every child who experienced trauma ended up dissociative. Every child who did develop pathological dissociation, however, experienced trauma.

Pathological dissociation is predicted by trauma occurring at 0-24 months of age. The older the children got, the less likely pathological dissociation was to develop.

Pathological dissociation is also predicted by trauma that is severe and chronic.

Pathological dissociation is predicted by attachment style. Children with disorganized attachment to their mothers had the highest dissociation scores. Children who had anxious/avoidant attachment with their mothers had higher dissociation scores than children with secure or anxious/ambivalent attachment.

The more integrated a child's sense of self is, the less likely they will develop pathological dissociation.

The environments that produced the most severe trauma also produced the most chronic trauma, while environments that produced the least severe trauma also produced the least chronic trauma. Likewise, the children who experienced the most severe & chronic traumas also experienced them at the earliest ages. "If children are living in chaotic, traumatic environments when they are infants, then it is likely that they will continue to live in such environments as they grow older. All three of these aspects of trauma may be highly related in our society, and are probably not separable in either an analytic sense or a theoretical sense."

Their findings support that pathological dissociation is not a more severe version of normal dissociation. Pathological dissociation actually "represents an extreme deviation from normal development."

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #long post #academic #actuallydid #actuallydissociative #actuallytraumagenic #syscourse #research #trauma tw #sunflower posts

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master-sass-blast · 5 months

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Resurgence.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five: Chapter One, Part Five: Chapter Two, Part Five: Chapter Three, Part Six: Chapter One, Part Six: Chapter Two, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen, Part Sixteen

Summary: You grin when you step off the elevator and see Lin waiting down the hall, in the doorway of her apartment.

She smirks when she sees you, then smiles faintly when you jog down the hall to greet her. “Someone’s eager.”

“What, you didn’t miss me?”

She hums into your kiss, one strong arm banding around your waist. “Well,” she murmurs against your lips, “maybe just a little.”

You giggle, then let her usher you inside as she kicks the door shut behind you both.

AKA you and Lin meet up for an evening to blow off steam. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned.

Pairing(s): Lin Beifong x Reader.

Rating: M for sexual content, panic attacks, PTSD symptomatology, vomiting, and arguing.

Word count: 5.9k.

Author's Note: Me? Posting more than once a year? Surely not.

In other news, my CFS/other body and brain shit is still overwhelming. It basically took dragging myself through editing to be able to post this latest round of fics (for those of you who don't check out my other works, no worries, but I like to post in little caches so that everything is updated mostly together). I'm not trying to vie for pity; I'm really fucking proud of myself for pushing through and being able to post. I had an unofficial goal of wanting to post more fics before April was over (because April is my birth month), and I did it! I am that bitch!

Thank you all for your patience -and all the comments! They really kept me going when the grind of editing was starting to wear me down.

Happy Reading!

P.S. Shout out to the commenter who pointed out how guilty Lin must feel for not saying anything about the locks. I hadn't even thought of that.

Wake up. Stretch. Get ready for work. Catch the 8:30 morning tram.

Get to work. Clock in. Review client roster for the day. Confer with reception Start off with your first patient for the day.

Clock out for lunch. Eat lunch. Talk to coworkers. Take a short walk during break.

Clock back in for the afternoon. Work with more patients. Confer with an assistant on upcoming scheduled appointments. Take your afternoon break. Drink some tea.

Wrap up your last scheduled appointment. Update client progress charts. Tidy work space. Clock out.

Catch 5:45 evening tram. Stop by the market to pick up food for dinner. Go back home. Make dinner. Do chores and general “life maintenance.” Try to relax. Get ready for bed. Go to sleep.

And on, and on, and on, and on…

You like your job. You love the field of work you’ve picked. Carrying on your grandmother’s legacy –the tradition of the Northern Water Tribe’s healing work–gives you reason to hold your head high each morning.

You have purpose. Passion. You help people.

Maybe you’re a workaholic in denial. Or maybe it’s the fault of your mad idea to also work at Yue General as a trauma recovery specialist and on-call surgical assistant. Whatever the case, at least once a year, you hit a point where the daily grind of your life starts drilling through your head and draining your will to live.

In years past, you’d usually take a few days off, after about the fifth week of dragging yourself through the motions. You’d promise to “refresh” your life –clean up your apartment, take care of responsibilities left to the side in the wake of your waning motivation–then spend your time off eating your weight in take out and napping on your couch.

Well. It works. Each year, you’re able to return to work after a few days living as a shut-in hedonist with renewed joy and drive.

This year, however…

You grin when you step off the elevator and see Lin waiting down the hall, in the doorway of her apartment.

She smirks when she sees you, then smiles faintly when you jog down the hall to greet her. “Someone’s eager.”

“What,” you say, somewhat winded, as you slow to a stop in front of her. You wind your arms around her neck and curl your fingers into her curly, short hair. “You didn’t miss me?”

She hums into your kiss, one strong arm banding around your waist. “Well,” she murmurs against your lips, “maybe just a little.”

You giggle, then let her usher you inside as she kicks the door shut behind you both.

…

The second the deadbolt slides into place, the weight of your daily grind melts away.

Technically, the second you got a phone call from your darling girlfriend, and thus received the invitation to come over for an evening, a lot of the drudgery bearing down on you had abated. But you’d still waited, balancing electric anticipation, looming over your head as you counted down the days, then the hours, then the minutes…

You moan into Lin’s mouth as she grabs your ass with both hands.

Bliss.

You’ve always hated waiting for what you want –for anything, really.

Lin shoves you against the nearest wall. She growls when you squeeze her ass harder than necessary, then grabs your hands. “Behave.”

“No.” You take the opportunity to nip at her lower lip –which makes her gasp gloriously–then utilize her shock to fight her grip. “I–”

Lin all but slams your hands against the wall, over your head. She brushes her lips along your jawline –which makes you tremble–then murmurs huskily in your ear. “Enough. Be patient.”

“Patient?” you sputter. “I’ve been patient the whole damn week–”

“I called you only three days ago.”

“It felt like a week!” You whimper when Lin nips at the side of your neck. Feigning submission, you tip your head back and melt against her –until she loosens her grip on your wrists.

“You little–” Lin catches your hand halfway on its journey up her shirt with one hand, then grabs your face with the other. She forces you to look her in the eye and glowers down at you. “What did I just tell you?”

“You called me three days ago.” A cheeky, self-satisfied grin stretches across your face when she growls at you. You smile up at her, the picture of innocence, then use her moment of distraction to jam your thigh between her legs.

Lin lets out a choked gasp of your name and stumbles against you.

“Aw, baby, did you miss me?” you purr. “You could’ve called me so –FUCK!”

In one fluid motion, Lin tosses you over her shoulder and marches down the hall, towards her bedroom.

A short grunt escapes you when she tosses you on her bed, and then you squeal when she yanks you over her lap. In short order, your pants are yanked down around your knees. You mock-glare at her over your shoulder when she pulls roughly on your underwear. “Don’t rip these! I like them!”

Lin grabs a fistful of your hair and pushes your head back down against the bed. “Shut up.”

Blissful pain shoots across your scalp. Your eyelids flutter shut, and you moan into her bedspread.

(Regardless, she heeds your demand and doesn’t ruin your underwear.)

Your underwear follow the trajectory of your pants in short order. Anticipation and arousal pulse through your cunt, prompting you to squirm atop Lin’s lap.

She pins you down by barring one strong, unyielding arm across the small of your back. Her free hand gently smooths over the swell of your bare ass –almost worshipful, in contrast to her ire with your bratting. “Last chance. Behave.”

You can’t resist. “Or what?”

Her hand cracks down against your skin.

You yelp –then whimper when she kneads your asscheek, drawing out the underlying ache. “Lin–”

“Be. Good.” She leans over your back to growl in your ear. “Or I won’t let you cum tonight.”

…Come on. She practically set that up on a silver platter for you.

“What makes you think you can make me cum to begin with?”

SMACK!

A delighted sob rips out of your throat. You writhe –well, as much as you can, anyway, since Lin’s always bound to win any contest of strength between the two of you–then moan when she spanks you one, two, three more times. Stars burst behind your eyelids, dazzling and transcendent as all coherent thought leaks out your brain through your dripping cunt. “Fucking spirits–” You groan, low and ragged, when Lin’s hand cracks down against your ass for a fourth time. “Oh shit!”

She keeps spanking you in irregular intervals, until your ass feels hot and you’re a whimpering, slick mess. Lin brushes her fingers against your labia, then pulls away when your hips push against her fingertips. “What? Nothing smart to say now?”

And you don’t. The ability to speak has since left your brain, drowned out by arousal, and endorphins, and the feeling of your girlfriend’s hand against your throbbing skin. So, in lieu of saying what’s on your mind, you opt for a physical demonstration.

“You little fucking brat–”

Or, well, you try to.

You manage to twist your arm and get half a hand on Lin’s chest –her beautiful, soft chest that you would never take your hands off, if you had things your way–before the bottom drawer of her nightstand flies open and a familiar glint of silver whizzes past your head.

Your stomach lurches, akin to airsickness, when the first metal cuff closes around your wrist.

“You never listen, never learn–”

It’s like you’ve toppled into the Northern Ocean in the midst of winter. Every muscle in your body seizes, practically frozen solid. You’re sinking, slipping beneath the surface as La drags you into their depths, theirs forevermore.

“–okay? Talk to me–”

You can’t breathe right. There’s a burlap bag over your head. You’re tied to a chair in a dank basement, there’s a bag over your head, and you’re going to die–

“Breathe.” Lin undoes the cuffs with her metalbending, then tosses them aside. She lifts you into her arms, turning you so that you’re sitting in her lap. “What’s wrong? Did I–”

“Don’t leave me again!” A broken sob tears from your throat. You throw your arms around her, clutching her close as you bury your face into her neck. Shudders wrack your body as you cry louder. “Don’t –don’t leave me–”

“Okay! Okay.” Lin cups the back of your head with one hand. “I won’t leave you. Just breathe for me, alright?”

You’re trying. But it’s like you’ve been punched in the gut. You can’t catch your breath, can’t get your diaphragm to open up properly.

“What does she taste like?”

The back of your throat burns. Your mouth tastes like acrid metal.

“I want you to tell me. What does she taste like when you use your tongue on her?”

Clammy sweat beads along your forehead.

“I guess I’ll have to find out for myself.”

You shove yourself to your feet, then clap one hand over your mouth when you retch.

Lin’s reflexes succeed where yours fail. When you double over, she grabs you by the shoulders and rushes you to the bathroom.

The first heave makes your eyes water and burn. You cough, stomach roiling as your whole body rolls. Putrid bile spews into the toilet basin on the second heave, burning your throat on the way out. You sob when you can breathe again, falling to your knees on the hard, cold tiles of Lin’s bathroom floor.

Lin’s hand is strong, yet gentle on your hair. She quickly tucks a few stray strands away from your face. “Easy. Just let it happen.”

Like I have any control here. Panting, you clutch the rim of the toilet bowl. “I–” You retch, then curl over the toilet again.

…

Things go fuzzy. Once your stomach is empty, you collapse against the side of Lin’s bathtub. You’re gasping, clammy and trembling as you try to suck down enough air to stop the feeling of drowning.

A cool glass of water is pressed into your hands. You take a small sip, rinse your mouth, then spit into the toilet bowl before slumping down again.

At some point, you wind up in Lin’s bed, tucked carefully under the covers. Your knees and hips ache from the harsh, unforgiving tile floor. Still shaking, you wince as you curl up on your side. Short, shallow breaths puff past your lips. I’m okay. It’s okay. Everything is okay. You’re safe, Lin’s here–

Except she’s not.

You bolt upright, terror coursing through your veins. The bathroom’s empty, there’s no light peeking out beneath the door to her home office, and the kitchen is silent. Your stomach drops into your feet, and you lunge out of bed. “Lin?”

“What’s wrong?” Her feet hit the floor in her living room, and then she appears at the end of the hallway, expression pinched from concern. “Are you–” She stumbles back a few steps when you careen into her. “What the –hey!”

You lock your arms around her waist and bury your face in her neck. Your pulse pounds in your ears, racing and erratic. “You left me again!”

“I–” Lin’s hands grip your shoulders tightly. “I stayed with you while–”

“Not then! Earlier! You left me!”

Lin tightens her hold on your shoulders, then forces you back so she can see your face. “I don’t know what we’re talking about!”

You lock your jaw to keep yourself from rambling and gibbering like an unhinged loon. Throat tight with fear and anguish, you force yourself to breathe as deeply as you can. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Bile roils in your empty stomach; you swallow hard, then pull away from her. “You left me. After the warehouse. After Kim.”

Lin goes perfectly still. Her wide, green eyes lock onto your face, then quickly focus on the floor instead, before finally drifting to the empty kitchen. Her scarred cheek twitches minutely. “I don’t understand what that has to do with right now.”

“I’m trying,” you spit out between clenched teeth. Frustrated –with her, with the situation, with yourself–you close your eyes and scrub at your face with your hands. “I’m not –you aren’t –I don’t want to–”

“Breathe.”

You do as Lin says, relaxing minutely when her hand brushes against your upper arm. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Use the diaphragm and abdominal muscles to control things. Deep inhale, even slower exhale.

Once you’re visibly calmer, Lin speaks again. “Why did you panic when I cuffed you?”

“I…” You swallow hard, then shrug small and sad. “I flashed back to –to the warehouse fight.” A pang of anxiety makes your voice crack. “When Kim had me tied to a chair in the basement.”

“Shit.” Lin rakes one hand through her short, wavy gray hair. “I’m sorry, I should have thought–”

“Of nothing,” you cut her off, suddenly weary.

“I should have checked in before restraining you–”

“And I would have said ‘go for it.’” You level her with a firm stare. “I didn’t know it was going to happen, either. It just… came out of nowhere.” The anxiousness crests higher, and you compensate by stepping into Lin’s space and wrapping your arms around her waist. You bury your face into the crook of her neck. “Thanks for helping me when I freaked out.”

“Of course,” Lin says as she wraps both arms around your shoulders. “What, like I was going to leave you like that?”

“I know, I know,” you reply automatically.

She left you after the warehouse.

It’s a poisonous, traitorous thought. Cold, nauseating ire roils in your gut. It turns hot as it swirls up your spine, until it breaks over your head in a tidal wave of rage and indignance.

It’s not fair. You and Lin have talked about the whole Kim aftermath fiasco. It’s been put to bed.

Has it? You chew on your lower lip as your mind turns the issue over. If you’re still upset about it, has it really been laid to rest?

How many times have you lectured your patients, after all? Some small injuries or aches, if left unattended, can morph into much bigger problems.

The tell-tale sensation snaps back –almost like vertigo, your head spins as the room suddenly feels miniscule around you. You can feel the walls of Lin’s apartment closing in around you, feel your scalp pressing against the plastered ceiling, even though your girlfriend is still holding you and your head is still comfortably pillowed against her chest. The urge to curl in on yourself, to find somewhere dark and small to hide claws up your legs and back, snarling and demanding your immediate submission. Breathe. Your eyes slip shut, and you press your forehead against your girlfriend’s shoulder. I deserve to exist. My feelings deserve to exist. Teeth clenched against a fresh wave of nausea, you breathe through anger and frustration and pain. Ask, don’t accuse. You swallow around the lump in your throat. “Why –why did you leave me after I got kidnapped?”

Unsurprisingly, Lin freezes again.

You can hear her swallow nervously. When she doesn’t speak, you decide to keep talking. “I needed you. I–I was so fucking scared, and hurt–” Your voice cracks as hot, stinging tears well up behind your closed eyelids. You press the heels of your hands against your eyes, trembling all over as you try to compose yourself. “Sorry. Just –give me a second.”

Lin says nothing, simply waiting in patient silence.

Outside, down in the street below, a Satomobile door thumps shut. The engine revs, then settles into a steady purr before fading away. The familiar rattle of the city tram breaks through the autumnal winds that rip off the harbor. The sound of the tram’s bell soars higher, sailing into the night air like asclepias puffs in the wind.

You flex your feet against the hardwood floors of Lin’s apartment. Pretty grain pattern, part of your brain notes inanely. Must’ve been expensive to refine and install. “Why did you leave me?” you whisper hoarsely, once you finally manage to scrape yourself together. You swipe at your face with the cuff of your sleeve; you hadn’t even managed to get undressed before everything went to shit. You clear your throat. “I… I don’t understand.”

For several long, tense moments, you think she might not answer at all. Then, Lin sighs. “I… I panicked.”

You watch Lin sharply, trying to read her often inscrutable expression and posture.

She walks away from you, over to the window in the living area that overlooks Republic City. She stares out at the night skyline –despite the sun having already set, the city glows from all the electric lights. She braces her hands against the white windowsill; she almost looks like a pensive, noir-style detective from the murder mystery radio shows you like so much.

You tuck your tongue in your cheek to keep from giggling hysterically.

“It was my fault.” She doesn’t look at you. “The nature of my job creates enemies.” She steps back from the windowsill; her hands curl into fists at her sides. “I should’ve known better. I do know better. And despite that, I didn’t keep you safe.”

“It’s not–” With a long, heavy sigh, you shake your head. “You can’t possibly predict every–”

“I did.” When you sputter disbelievingly, she faces you –but her gaze doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “The security on your building is shit. And you’d be a lot better off with platinum locks.”

After a moment of your best river carp impression, you manage to close your mouth and shake your head. “Lin…” You hold up one finger when she opens her mouth to argue. “That’s not the same thing as knowing that Kim was going to kidnap me.” When Lin’s unconvinced, pinched expression doesn’t lift, you sputter, flabbergasted. “Okay, look –Lin. Baby. If I don’t expect you to make sure every aspect of my life is safe, what good does it do to hold yourself to that kind of standard?”

“I still–”

“‘Still’ nothing, Lin! You’re not a fucking god! Okay, so you thought about my locks; that –that doesn’t obligate you to do anything,” you insist. Sweat beads along your back, soaking into your shirt. You sigh, then sweep your hair off the back of your neck to try and cool off. “As it so happens, I’m an adult; I’m ultimately responsible for myself, and that includes my own safety. Besides, it’s a nice enough neighborhood!”

Lin stares at you, flat and unimpressed. “Bad things happen anywhere.” Her jaw tightens. “You would know.”

You sputter, caught flat-footed by her audacity to use your own assault against you. “I –how fucking dare you!” You clench your hands into fists at your side, fingernails biting into the meat of your palm. “I am not –I cannot believe–” Sense takes hold before you cavalier too far down the road of rage and indignance; as angry as you are, you don’t want to spew vitriol all over Lin. Even if she’s kind of earned it. You glare at her, jaw locked tight. “Even if you have a logical point,” you spit out through clenched teeth, “the woman who skipped out on me after I was assaulted does not get to use that trauma against me in an argument!”

Lin’s lips press into a thin line. She looks at the floor, expression somewhat chastened. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

“Yes, yes it was. And thank you.” In a testament to your self-control –which, normally, you’d pass off as lacking at best–you inhale deeply and try to yank your temper back into some semblance of calm. Your head is starting to throb dully. So much for a relaxing night off. You rub your temples as you struggle to process and respond to Lin’s adamant self-blame. “I don’t –I don’t walk around with this notion that being your girlfriend comes with some sort of pass to perfect protection! I don’t expect you to package me up all nice and safe so nothing bad ever happens to me!”

“I know–”

“Then what, in Yue’s name, is the fucking problem!” You fling your arms wide, voice rising as your frustration mounts again. “There are associated risks with living in the real fucking world, and I have never asked, or intoned, or suggested that you safeguard me from every bad thing that could ever happen! Why…” When your mind finally runs blank, anger petering out, you throw up your arms before letting them fall back to your sides. Your palms hit your thighs with a light slap. “What’s the point? What’s the point of putting yourself through all that, Lin?”

Lin scowls. She turns partly away and rakes one hand through her thick, curly hair. “It’s still my job.” She sighs harshly. “I know you don’t expect me to protect you.” She looks back over you, expression solemn. “I know. But it’s still my job. I don’t–” She presses her lips into a thin line, frustrated, then crosses her arms over her chest. “I believe in police work. I believe that doing my job keeps people safe. Even when I’m ‘off the clock,’ my duties to the people I care about don’t stop, and that includes keeping them safe.”

“Okay.” You nod along, choking back retort after retort through sheer force of will. It matters to her. It matters to her. It matters to her. “Okay.”

Lin fully turns away from you –but even without seeing her face, you can still tell she’s on edge. The line of her body is rigid as she stares out the window of her living room. She takes a deep, audible breath, shoulders rising and falling as she does. She clasps her hands behind her back and bows her head; for a moment, she looks exactly like the countless press release pictures of the indomitable Chief Beifong (which you may or may not have clipped out of the newspaper and tucked away for your own edification, you’ll claim the fifth if asked to testify, presumed innocent until proven guilty). “I didn’t know if we were going to be serious or not. It was more comfortable, for me, to keep you at arm’s length. And that included not making an issue of your building’s security problems.”

It stings, you can’t lie. Her confessed, deliberate indifference to your safety –when it’s apparently a big deal to her–hurts. You swallow hard, then tuck the inside of your cheek between your teeth to keep from firing back before she’s done talking.

“It was my fault,” Lin states, voice flat and final. “After Kim… I couldn’t deal with it.” Finally, she turns and looks you in the eye. Her expression flickers for a moment, nearly giving way to anguish, before locking down to something more neutral with what you know to be an insurmountable, bone-deep reserve of will. “I’m sorry.” She stiffens, then frowns slowly when you start shaking your head. “What? What is it?”

“I–” Hot, stinging tears trace down your cheeks. Your palms are clammy, and your back is drenched in sweat. “That –thank you. Thank you for being honest. But–” You draw in a shaky breath as you try to school your thoughts into something more coherent. “I don’t –the locks wouldn’t have changed anything, Lin. They –no.” You hold up one finger and glare harshly at her when she opens her mouth to argue. “No. We both know that Kim had a very particular goal in mind. Better locks wouldn’t have stopped him. He would’ve had his goons just, I don’t know, kick in my door, or some shit.” You shrug, defeated, then rub your hands over your face. “I –I don’t care about the stupid locks. I get that it’s important to you, and that’s fine, but the locks don’t make a difference to me.”

The locks wouldn’t have held your hand in the hospital, after all. The locks wouldn’t have talked to you on the phone after you woke up from yet another nightmare. The locks wouldn’t have rubbed salve into the rope burn on your wrists from where you’d chafed your skin trying to wriggle free. The locks–

Your face crumples, but you manage to keep going as you start crying. “I needed you.” Your whole body shudders as you draw in a shaky, broken breath. “I was so fucking scared, and hurt, and I didn’t know what was going to happen to me–”

Lin presses her lips together in a tight line, then holds her arms out to you.

You choke on a sob, then rush into her embrace. “I was so fucking scared!” You bury your face into her shirt, trembling as you weep. “I felt so lost, and small, and you just left me–”

Lin tucks your head beneath her chin. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“It was cruel,” you insist, voice pitiful to your own ears. “And selfish.”

Lin draws in a shaky breath. “It was,” she agrees, her own voice wavering. She hugs you close, as though she can squeeze the pain and suffering right out of you. “I was wrong –and cruel, and selfish. I’m so, so sorry.”

Something inside you releases, like a locked muscle finally relaxing after a good, thorough healing session. You melt against her, hurt yielding to assurance and peace. A shaky exhale floats past your lips. “Thank you.”

…

Once you stop crying and settle into the post-panic attack-argument-meltdown, Lin disentangles from you and sequesters herself in the bathroom.

You can hear the sink tap running; if you felt up to it, you could probably extend your bending and feel the water swirling down the drain.

Exhaustion has you feeling hollowed out. You peel your shirt away from your skin with a grimace. The stress of the evening made you sweat. You try to adjust your underwear under your skirt. All of your clothes, frankly, feel uncomfortably, grossly stuck to your skin. This is not how I wanted to get wet tonight.

You drop down onto Lin’s couch gracelessly. You slump into the dark green cushions and close your eyes.

Your whole body feels raw. Your skin almost feels like you’ve been scraped along the pavement outside. Throbbing and tender, you shift restlessly, trying to find some position that will agree with you.

Outside, a Satomobile honks loudly, which is quickly followed by the sound of tires screeching.

Flinching, you curl forward and comb your fingers through your hair. Fuck me. Quickly, you flip on Lin’s radio, then let out a sigh when instrumental music starts droning through the speakers. You turn up the volume dial, just until the crushing feeling of overstimulation starts to abate. That’s better.

Eventually, Lin emerges from the bathroom. (It’s probably not very long, but your poor, fatigued brain has settled into the muddy state where time starts moving like molasses.) She heads straight for the kitchen and starts quietly puttering about; a few cabinet doors open and close, the tap for the sink runs briefly, and the range hisses as Lin lights it with match.

You borderline drowse as you half-watch her work, half-melt away into the syrupy ooze of reality.

Hours, maybe minutes later, Lin joins you at the couch. She sets down a tray with a fresh pot of tea and two cups onto the coffee table, then reaches over and turns the radio down. “Here.”

You force yourself into a more upright position and accept the cup of steaming, fragrant tea she holds out to you. “Thanks.”

Lin sets down next to you, and makes no protest when you immediately invade her space and curl up against her. She wraps one arm around your shoulders, then picks up her cup of tea with her free hand.

The tea is nice –no doubt some very expensive, well grown blend. You wish you could do more than sip tiredly at it, but your head feels heavy (probably from the swelling in your sinuses, on account of all the crying).

Distantly, the healer part of your brain starts noting all the facets of recovery after crying. Parasympathetic nervous system takes over. Brain releases endorphins. Muscles release tension from build up of stress. Autonomic nervous system reins in heart rate, respiration rate, and blood pressure.

“You alright?” Lin murmurs when you let out a shaky breath..

Nodding, you hum, then tip your head back and kiss her softly. Even though you’re tired, your head feels clearer. The consuming static of terror and rage have finally been swept out, leaving subdued peace and clarity.

Speaking of…

“Hey.” You crane your head back so you can see her face better. “If… if something happens to me again–” You pause when Lin grimaces and looks away. After waiting a moment, you press your fingers against her jaw and gently guide her head until she’s looking at you again. “If something happens to me again,” you repeat, “don’t… don’t push me away.” A lump rises in your throat, but you push past it. “I won’t ever be angry at you if something bad happens to me, okay? And it’s –it’s so much worse–” Your voice breaks; you have to take a moment to pull yourself together before you try speaking again. “It’s so much worse with you not around.”

Blinking rapidly, Lin nods. “Alright.” She looks away for a bit, gaze distant. She swallows hard, jaw rolling as she lets out a sigh, then asks, “Would you consider getting platinum locks?”

“They’re expensive.”

“Victim’s Assistance fund should pay for them, considering your apartment was broken into during the course of an abduction,” Lin fires back, almost like she’s reading the fine print straight from the page. “All you’d have to do is submit a request form and a copy of the police report to their office. And if they don’t pay for platinum locks, I will.”

Part of you wants to protest the notion of her paying for any of it. It’s your apartment and your responsibility. Feasibly, you could scope out some options, compare prices, and then allot the necessary savings into your monthly budget.

A quiet, wiser voice in your head whispers, ‘It’s okay to let her help you.’ “Would you feel better if I had platinum locks?”

Lin’s reply comes without hesitation. “Yes.”

You sweep your tongue along the back of your teeth; part of you chafes at the thought of acquiescing. You can take care of yourself, after all. You moved here on your own, put yourself through university and therapeutic certifications, built yourself up as a reputable and capable physical therapist and surgical assistant. While Lin’s compensated you for ruined clothes and the odd day when she’s worked you over enough that you needed to take a day or two off work, you’ve never needed –or expected–her to bankroll your life.

If the Victim’s Assistance Fund comes through, she won’t have to pay, you remind yourself. And it’s just one set of locks, and she’ll feel better knowing you’re safer.

That’s the clincher, in the end. Stubborn pride isn’t worth your girlfriend’s peace of mind –especially over something as non-invasive as a good set of locks.

You nestle back against the warmth and comfort of Lin’s embrace. “Alright. I’ll start figuring out the Victim’s Assistance fund stuff tomorrow.”

“I can give you the number for one of the department heads.”

“Okay,” you murmur, cheek squished against her shoulder. Part of you thinks it’s a little ridiculous –there’s no reason you can’t go through the same process as everyone else–but you’re too tired to argue (and, honestly, bypassing some of the formalities and traditional run-around will be nice). You sigh, then nuzzle against her and close your eyes. “I’m sorry for freaking out at you earlier. I know –I know you were just taking a moment to breathe, and you weren’t actually leaving me; I just –I was still so out of my head from the cuffs, and the panic attack, and I–”

“It’s okay.” Lin wraps one strong arm around your shoulders. “You were scared; it’s okay.” She kisses the top of your head, then squeezes you a little closer. “Stay here tonight. I’d rather you go home once you’ve had a chance to rest.”

You sniff, then nod. “Okay.” Melting into her embrace, you tuck your head into the crook of her neck. “That sounds nice. Thanks.”

“Of course.”

The radio croons on; the singer –a woman with a smooth, low voice–drawls on about the ocean and the land meeting as lovers. Down the hall, the gentle, intermittent rumble of the elevator interjects between the radio and the sounds of the city at no particular rhythm. Outside, the distant, waning sounds of Republic City’s nightlife echo into the air.

The two of you lapse back into comforting silence.

…

Once the two of you finish your tea, Lin tidies up before shepherding you to bed.

You rinse off in the shower first. You worry about washing your hair, or anything too involved, but getting the sweat off your skin is essential if you don’t want to wake up irritable and itchy.

Your stomach still feels shaky –no doubt from all the mucus and drainage from crying. You turn down the water to a comfortably cool temperature (helps with the inflammation), then mechanically work through the steps of washing up as quickly as you can.

You borrow Lin’s toothbrush (and, fine, it’s really not the grossest thing, especially since you’ve made a point of burying your face between her legs whenever she lets you), and she lends you another baggy, Republic City Police Academy shirt to sleep in.

The gray shirt feels exquisitely soft between your fingertips, against your skin. You tuck away the notion of “borrowing” it for future you to ponder.

It’s nice, slipping beneath the covers on Lin’s bed. Her sheets are luxuriously soft –no doubt a vastly higher thread count than what you can afford.

You stretch your legs like a polar bear pup. Something pops in your lower back, and you groan. “Ugh, finally.”

“You okay?”

“Cracked my back.” You wait for her to turn off the lamp, then cross the space between you and curl up against her side.

Lin obliges you by slipping her arm beneath your neck and winding it around your shoulders. Her fingertips slip beneath the collar of your shirt and stroke along the base of your neck.

The familiar sounds of the city dwindle as the night drags on. The surrounding apartments are equally still. Here, in Lin’s bed, in her arms, you’re enveloped by safety. By warmth. Every breath you take is filled with the familiar scent of Lin –traces of the cologne she favors, the fresh mint of her toothpaste, even the fragrant tea you both had earlier. The blankets are cozy, exquisitely soft, and the perfect weight to help lull your frazzled mind and body into slumber.

Just for a moment, right before you drop off into sleep, your body relaxes into a state of perfect contentment. It’s almost like you’re floating, perfectly supported and enveloped, much like floating in a pool for a moment of rest before swimming again. Tranquility seeps through your veins, washing away any remaining tension and panic from earlier in the evening.

You fall asleep to the gentle thumping of Lin’s heart and her steady, deep breathing.

#sass writes #lin beifong x reader #legend of korra #hands that heal #hurt/comfort #tw: panic attack #tw: ptsd #tw: vomit #heavy on the emotional hurt in this one

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