#system dynamics

[system-of-a-feather]

An important thing that I feel (at least in my experience) is often reinforced growing up in an abusive environment is that anger is only expressed and shown in one very loud and aggressive manner and that the only way it can exist and be expressed is in that very loud and aggressive manner when it is very much not the truth

Anger is not inherently an emotion that is unteathered, aggressive, or loud

Anger is not inherently anything beyond a feeling that stands to tell you that something is seen as unfair, unjust, or hurtful to you in some way or form. It can be hard to control, it can be very loud, it can be all consuming and it can be aggressive; but it can also be very very powerful and that in itself can be a good or bad thing depending on how well you can control and hone it

Growing up, either if you have been gaslit / emotionally abused / neglected to where only loud, uncontrollable anger was the only form / expression of anger that was acknowledge or if you were only exposed to forms of aggressive and loud anger and never exposed to any other versions, it can be easy to draw a false dichotomy between "hiding and silencing your anger" and "letting it free to go wild"

But both ends, more often than not, result in unhealthy and harmful results. Your anger is valid and still exists regardless of how or when it is expressed. It does not have to be loud, aggressive, and uncontrolled to be acknowledged and to be True Anger.

Learning to understand, listen, and communicate and compromise with your anger to get it to work WITH you rather than FOR you is a really important and fruitfull skill to develop as not only will it keep you from unintentionally hurting yourself and others in blinded fury, but you can also properly direct that powerful and intense anger into things that actually matter to you and build you and those around you up.

Anger doesn't have to be destructive to be anger. Anger can build the foundation for necessary change and be a mechanism of creation, but only when you are able to work with it rather than let it work you / work for you.

Make anger your friend and establish healthy communication with it, and it will take you far.

For the systems out there reading this, take it as an IFS approach or a literal system dynamics talk, it applies both ways.

[cheshire-qilin]

(CW: CSA and grooming topics mentioned; should be content warned and all)

(also this is a personal side blog to @/system-of-a-feather)

Why is starting a post always the hardest thing to do?

Anyhow, I was talking to @reimeichan and I thought it would be nice to revisit the topic again and might be neat to share it with those that might want some perspective that I don't see brought up much, but the longer that I am out of the 6 year trauma loop that I was stuck in, the longer I realize that my experience was a very unique dissociative experience that even among "trauma holders" is not really the most common standard, but I also know it isn't abnormal either for people with DID.

When I say "6 year trauma loop" I mean that for six years straight following The Trauma I was stuck in, anytime I was near the front it was almost always 24/7 all consuming flashbacks and when it wasn't it was emotional flashbacks and trauma rumination that overloaded my ability to process things. As a result, the only real moments I had any peace back then was when I was as far from the front, as dormant as I could be as any moment where I had any sense of consciousness or sentience was immediately filled with nothing but pain, fear, and hurt.

I think in that sense, it was an understatement to call myself a "trauma holder" more so that my life as a part was just trauma. In regards to that, you couldn't really talk to me about anything, or talk me out of it, or really even properly comfort me because even if I could "hear" internally, even if I could "hear" externally, very little of what could or would be said really would not be processed beyond a superficial level - not because I didn't want to listen, but because I functionably could not process anything at the point of overload that the chronic state of flashback put me in.

I say that because I think it might be important for those that can't really communicate or get a productive conversation out of a trauma holding part that is in a similar position to the place I was. It's not a personal support issue on your end, nor is it a personal refusal on their end. They're not there to be receptive to much. Please be gentle on both yourself and them regarding how communication might be.

Additionally, trying to deal with anything more than surviving and not-being-in-pain can be very stressful and overloading for a part in that position. We had tried brainspotting with our therapist and Riku (I think) at the time ended up connecting with me when I was otherwise dormant and I admittedly got really pissed and aggressive and mentally slammed a door in their face for so much as contacting me because it deeply upset and hurt me to be conscious even slightly. It was important and I think - even with how short that interaction was - it was a really important step to helping me out, but do walk carefully when interacting with parts that are in a similar state. Anger and aggression are often a response to hurt, pain, and an act of self defense and/or a response to overload. It's important to understand that even the most gentle and scared and "fawn" response parts in these situations can be momentarily internally hostile and/or perceive you as the threat.

With all that considered, in my experience and opinion, more than anything, it is absolutely important to respect and honor a part's desire to avoid being near the front, interacting and talking. If they want to be dormant, it is best to let them stay dormant (not to force them, but also to not intentionally try to engage them). It might not seem that painful or hard or it might seem as a "greater good" to bring them out and make them talk, but it's retraumatizing. They will likely end up out on and off whether they like it or not regardless of your actions by the nature of trauma and triggers being hard to control. Take their natural fronting frequency and meet them there. Help them when they are already here and I would really ask people to be considerate of parts that simply don't want to exist due to being in a similar position.

Your "greater good" and the systems sense of "needing to process it to heal" is not considerate to parts that are not ready or not comfortable dealing with life. Your desire to "heal properly" does not give you the right to treat trauma holders like obstacles to overcome and tasks on a list to recover. If anything, if I had to say which parts needed to be treated the most human, it would be those parts as they likely got the most inhumane treatment already. Take yourself out of the picture if you intend to help these parts, it will likely get in the way of actually being there for them and trust me, we can tell when you are talking about "helping us" for yourself and "helping us" because you actually care and are concerned about us. It is very off putting and very uncomfortable.

That being said, those are key points from my experience as a part that was in that hell that I wanted to iron out as they were things hosts, protectors, and non-loop-stuck trauma holders took a while to learn.

What @/reimeichan had asked that made me want to revisit this topic was about how I got out of it, which I answered like... half a year back or so here. I actually have not read my original reply to preserve the current and present look back on it as that response was written by Rin/Lin 1.0 and I am Lin 2.0 aka Qilin so while I am still that part, they were not me.

As for getting out of it, I don't think there is advice I could give a part in the same situation. I don't think there is any point to me giving any advice to a part in the same situation, they likely don't have much bandwidth to change what they are doing themselves. At least, I know I sure didn't. So I am not gonna write anything for "the part in the loop", I don't have anything to say other than that I'm sorry you are suffering, you deserved better, you deserve better and do what you need to survive. There is an end to it.

My main advice goes out to those that are wanting to help a part in that situation, which is advice that I got from talking about the situation with Riku - who I largely credit for helping me out in the beginning.

If the part is as chronically overwhelmed and stuck as I was, it can be extremely helpful to have a part simply exist around them with no direct pressure or interest in the topic of the trauma or the flashbacks they are obviously experiencing and to just be there as a stabilizing force near them. It can be awkward, it can be a bit of a rough interaction, you might be seen as somewhat annoying, you might honestly get a lot of bleed through from the part and that will suck, but sitting there with them can help a lot with slowly regaining some more sense of awareness internally.

It can be particularly more helpful if you can give them something even a bit distracting or interesting in the present to ground them to away from the hell loop in their mind. For me, Riku found some good old classic Vocaloid music covers and would sit there and find something that would help sooth me and after a few times of this I actually grew a strong comfort to a specific song. It helped a part of my brain in the loop wake up and go "I really need that song" which while small, was a huge step in the sense that I was - even mildly - looking for something to soothe and calm myself despite being swamped in flashbacks.

Finding that one comfort, that one distraction, is a foot in the door that can be a starting point to build a bridge out of there. Once that song actually did good to slowly calming me down, it opened me up to have a SLIGHT interest in seeing if there is anything else like that which made me feel or think of anything other than my trauma. That opened me up to looking at OTHER songs on my own volition. I wanted to seek an internal experience that wasn't trauma or dormancy. It motivated me to exist despite everything to try to get anything slightly positive.

Riku was honestly great at fostering this and honestly, I think they're really stupid OP with this sort of thing because they were unintentionally and just instinctually really good, but its really helpful to enthusiastically engage in their small piece of, well peace and helping them grow that base into something more.

They often sat and would try to remember old songs from my era of existence to try to find again or catch up on and it was fun - even if I still felt like shit - to have those low energy, low effort explorations. That eventually lead to them noticing that I really liked a lot of Wooma MV videos and asked about it, to which I kind of got a little excited and they were like "hey you know, we draw now, I could help you out if you want to learn Wooma's art style"

And that was honestly huge for me. It was an actual hobby, an actual thing to study, an actual thing to THINK about that engaged my brain and my frontal lobe which made me ground a bit so I could engage and enjoy in the hobby. A lot of the time I still needed Riku for emotional support and a sense of stability, but this became a strong foundation of our relationship with one another and they authentically became the first part that actually treated me like a person and a friend in the system through this shared hobby.

As I stabilized a little more and the routine hobby of doing art together became more of a casual thing we learned to do, we talked ab it more about things, often real things where trauma topics came up and we were able to just listen and hear each other out.

(below this part is likely hyper specific to myself and my trauma, I am sharing it for myself and for a case example)

They sat there with me through so many bad episodes, they didn't need to ask, but they knew - one of the things that my brain went to a lot in my flashback and trauma loop was just the sheer betrayal and cruelty the world had on me back then.

(CW: Somewhat raw grooming and csa talk)

I had immense hurt and grief. We were a kid, a traumatized, lonely, isolated kid that was very desperate, very in need of someone who cared about us, who was kind to us, who liked us, that saw us as a person with issues and not only would stay there with us, but actively loved us unconditionally. We were desperately in need of anyone to be nice to us, anyone to be gentle with us, anyone to care for us and love us. We had already been through so much and we really needed someone - anyone, just one person. We thought - I had thought - we had that. I thought we had a person that was like that. I trusted them entirely. I thought I loved them entirely. I thought I found the person I'd have in my life forever. I had the person who would save me, who would protect me, who would be there to build my new life away from trauma and hurt with. Before I had the chance to admit that to them, they admitted it to me. I was over joyed and in less than a week, I had somehow been turned into a sex object and over the next year, I'd be nothing but a sex object. Not only did I loose that person that was nice and kind and caring, not only did I loose a friend and someone I loved, but I had become nothing but a sex toy and object of someone else's desire. All of it ruined in less than a week after what felt like the best day of my life and a change that I waited to change but only got worse.

The world had saw a broken and injured kid begging for help, and fed me to hell hounds that then consumed my corpse for years. My brain never let that go, my brain kept that on repeat. I was a lonely kid. I trusted. I was happy and over joyed. I was stabbed. I was used. I never stopped being lonely. I never stopped being sad. I never stopped being hurt. I was a lonely kid. I trusted. loop loop loop for six years.

(CW cleared)

I was a lonely kid- but during one conversation, I had casually brought up that and Riku had sat there and went, "That's really awful, in a different way I can relate.... but... you know, at the very least, at least we have each other right? You had no one before, no one cared about you, no one loved you, no one gave you attention, no one had genuine interest in you but.... I'm here now and now we have each other."

And that didn't have any huge immediate changes, but it really stuck because it did break that loop a bit, as for the first time, it did make me realize that I wasn't a lonely scared kid desperate for some help. I had at least one person I had a genuine connection with, a person that both existed internally and that I could tell - by the nature of sharing a brain - had no ulterior motive other than genuinely being my friend.

And at that point, I was a lonely kid that did get a friend who was authentically interested in me, authentically cared about me, that was authentically gentle and kind and authentically loved me unconditionally. I had what I had needed that got me into the situation I was abused in. Why would I have to go back over as to why that abuser used me and hurt me? Why did that person matter anymore?

The starting point of the trauma loop had been addressed and answered. The narrative of lonely -> manipulated -> betrayed -> hurt -> lonely was changed to lonely -> got the care they needed -> life???

And to that narrative point, I think its important to sit there and find what is that starting point and fulfilling what that starting point of the loop needed to have it go in a different direction.

But with that being said, I still don't recommend directly trying to figure it out as the part that is not going through it. It can come off as very invasive and that cerebral approach to being there with the part you are trying to help will make you feel distant, cold, and will likely feel like an ulterior motive.

To that point, I cycle back. Just sit with the part, speaking or not. Sit with them and meet them at their interest and rate of being around.

Honestly, there are a number of other parts in this system that were in the same situation at me, and there was a space and periods here and there when we were both stuck in only emotional flashbacks that I had grown to really like, and I honestly miss them sometimes. I very much want to help them out of there which is why I've been actively discussing this topic with Riku and Ray, but these sorts of things take time. I will be overjoyed when they are ready to be helped, but until then, I'll be waiting for them.

Anyways, enough rambling, I've held the front during Riku's personal time for an hour to write this and I ought to give it back to them. Hope this long post was insightful or helpful to anyone reading it.

[minimallycreative]

the body: *gets a cold*

Cassian, the world's biggest drama queen: oh no! I fear I have caught the plague and I shall perish soon! don't forget me when I pass; I won't forget you! oh, it is the end indeed!

[fenmere]

Some of us don't like the word "system" very much, because it just sounds too clinical and too much like singlets applied it to us, and take great joy in calling ourselves things like "a plurality" instead.

And some of us are "meh" about it and just use "system" if that's the word that comes out of our mouth or fingers.

And the rest like the word and have no trouble with it.

And this is how we know we're an entire plural community.

[pensarecool2]

i was thinking about how we don't have a lot of caregivers, and its weird that im one of the only ones, but it is me anyways, so i guess here i am

[scarsmood]

System energy tonight (tw: death, abuse, negligence, and a few others im sure)

One alter impersonates a trigger to try and trigger someone else

Second alter knows its an impersonation and takes it as an invitation to incite violence on first alter

“Better luck next time. Game over”

Says second alter and they start artfully deconstructing alter number one

Alter number 3 and 4 are watching at a dining room table looking out the window as they have tea.

“You owe me 20$ I told you 2’d out smart 1”

And with a deep sigh “well a deals a deal”

Alter number 5 watches from a birds eye perspective and comments to 3 and 4 that betting on who wins a fight isn’t very “healthy” or “cooperative”

Alter 3 and 4 take the piss and flip off alter 5

Alter 5 goes back to watching silently

Alter 3 and 4 sip their tea as they watch the oil and blood inter mingle in the grass

Between the crunching of screeching metal. twisting and snapping of tendons and bones reverberates against the window pane.

Alter 6 kicks alter 2 in the head

“I’m trying to sleep. Can you knock it off? You already got the point across so come to bed with us”

Alter 2 huffs and steps off the mangled body of a has been infectious fungus repossessing a body. Not before staring at their new found body hiding at the forests edge.

“Fine” they quip

Alter 3 and 4 stare at each other “yeah thats close enough to cooperation id say”

Agreeing. They get cookies.

I get frustrated often times. Trying to convey a disorganized system with a histroy of insystem abuse. So instead. Im just going to write down an interaction. It is supposed to be a little funny. Thats typically how we handle most things is by using humor appropriate or not.

[newloreunlocked]

"system dynamics: travel edition"

Traveling is hard on us. Especially now since our physical health suddenly took a nose dive within the past few months. But the holidays are also especially hard for us. This holiday we had to go "home" to see our family across the country. That meant flying and long days of travel. Usually a different team of alters handles it, but we've grown since the last time we traveled so it's a different group this time; me, Genesis, and Cyno (pictured right to left).

Our system functions in groups. We're like a buddy system. We all need another alter around to balance each other out. This time I was the one balancing. I kept us calm and on schedule, and got to be in charge of music. Cyno allowed us to have a little fun and enjoy some parts of the ride. And, as much as he didn't want to be there, Genesis was there to feel everything about going home. It's an important role. Not burying emotions, especially when we're so conditioned to in times of stress like this is crucial to our personal health.

[syscyber]

The Limits to Growth

The classic system dynamics world growth simulation that shook —and keeps on shaking— the world.

The Limits to Growth is a 1972 report that discussed the possibility of exponential economic and population growth with finite supply of resources, studied by computer simulation. The study used the World3 computer model to simulate the consequence of interactions between the earth and human systems. The model was based on the work of Jay Forrester of MIT, as described in his book World Dynamics. Commissioned by the Club of Rome, the findings of the study were first presented at international gatherings in Moscow and Rio de Janeiro in the summer of 1971. The report's authors are Donella H. Meadows, Dennis L. Meadows, Jørgen Randers, and William W. Behrens III, representing a team of 17 researchers. The report concludes that, without substantial changes in resource consumption, "the most probable result will be a rather sudden and uncontrollable decline in both population and industrial capacity".

— Wikipedia

Read/Download Limits — DonellaMeadows.org

The Limits to Growth+50 — Club of Rome

The Limits to Growth after 50 — Resilience.org

World3 model standard run adapted from Limits printout Fig. 35, p. 124. By YaguraStation, CC 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

» Site map

[censemaking]

Systems Thinking and Systemic Action Aren't The Same Thing

It's time to shift from systems thinking models and theories to real systemic action. #systemsthinking

We need systemic action informed by systems thinking to address the global challenges facing humanity. Alas, too many are focused on the thinking (and talk), not action. My aim for writing this is because I believe strongly in the potential of systems thinking for action. I don’t see much hope for humans if we can’t muster systemic action at a local, regional and global scale. But for systems…

[letialia]

Biourbanism is the concept that cities are like urban organisms, a system with internal + external dynamics made of citizens, economy, energy, infrastructure, mobility, technology, water, waste, landscape and food. The interaction of these systems can determine a city's health and prosperity.

[unipacas]

miguel having beef with a teenager: a case study

[system-of-a-feather]

"The guys in my brain who make me feel like I have extreme pathological empathy (I don't)"

Riku's description of XIV and I that is hilarious but so true. Our system has really really really low empathy - arguably none - but Riku and like two other parts have a compensatory strong cognitive empathy and then theres XIV, Ray, Aderis (spare kids), and I that can do cognitive empathy but even that barely impacts us (probably due to generally limited affect in general)

[vebokki]

go go demon gang

[minimallycreative]

Please call a hotline or see if you can find some low-cost counselling or therapy services. I strongly believe you're dealing with some mental health issues but are mistakenly attributing it to DID. Either that, or you are faking or pretending you have some other (fake) "kind" of plurality, because you feel like you need attention, which might also be due to personal problems. Please get help.

Anon-

Either you are an adult of varying age, who, perhaps thinks they are being kind to a stranger (a child no less!). or perhaps you are a fellow teenager who is younger than I, thinking they are fighting the good fight. I am inclined to think that you are the former because, 1) that amuses me greatly and, 2) the idea that there are 13 years olds on Tumblr at this very moment makes me feel a variety of uncertain emotions.

Nevertheless your age, I thank you for your concern about my health and sanity. These times we live in are not very good for keeping up sanity and we must all look out for each other. I am further grateful that you have sent this to me for it is not I who is in need of help, it is you, I fear. You see, I am a known attention whore, but unlike you, I make it clear to those around me that I need affection. You seem to be thriving off of feeling morally superior on the internet, where you don't need to show your face or even your name. I suggest you take your own advice and find psychiatric assistance so that you may no longer make posts such as this in a desperate call to attention in what is maybe the worst way to do it.

oh and also, if you had read literally any of our other posts, you would know that we have been in 1 on 1 therapy for more than half a decade. and not that i owe you anything, but my lovely therapist (who is a mental health professional) has diagnosed us with DID. so you know, maybe fuck off, and fix your own issues before projecting them onto the internet. Jealousy isn't a good look on anyone darling <3

-- the nebula system, with love (spencer is fronting)

[nibbelraz]

A writer and His number one fan hater

[sustainableyadayadayada]

bouncing between layers of limits

bouncing between layers of limits

This Asia Times article is dramatically titled The Renewable Energy Transition is Failing. This seems overly dramatic to me, but the point to me is that if we overcome one limit, in this case the atmospheric sink for carbon dioxide, we will encounter other limits. In this article, the author focuses on availability of raw materials like metals. If we overcome that limit, we may have an issue of…