#technoblade writing

[ele0nline]

The Sonnet of the Farmer

In a distant land stands a man with a broken back and withered hands under a frozen sun  hung high above a field of corn. Built on stilts of severed bone and ashen snow, armed with an officer’s wit and a soldier's worn hoe, a sense of bliss now warms the calloused word of his command. A man. He is just a man a man with a farmer’s tan and back swathed in tattered cloth to hide scars of betrayal with pride. A simple man slaving beneath an icy sky. A farmer, keeping a traitorous heart in line.

I wrote this poem in, like, 2021 but never had a chance to post it anywhere. To the unknowing person, it's just a silly little poem about a retired soldier still haunted by war, but to the knowing person, it is more. :)

I wrote it about Technoblade when he was living in the arctic. This is an almost-sonnet about a Minecraft youtuber I'm such a fucking nerd

[gooptroupe]

As long as I need.

a continuation of this sketch

[synister09]

"what made you decide to take art and writing seriously? what helped you improve?"

i hyperfixated on a minecraft pig a bit too close to the sun

[ks1971]

Minecraft server au where Phil has like this gorgeously built house and every morning, without a fail, he likes to sit on the front porch with a nice cup of tea. He gets 500 ticks or so of pure relaxation, aided by the beautiful sight of the flower fields, and the mountain biome peeking from the horizon. That is, until the day that He appeared. His neighbor. Or the bane of his life, depending on who you ask.

He heard that a piglin player has bought a plot of land close to him.

Nobody told him it was the flower fields.

The flower fields that were inevitably desecrated by a six by six cobblestone hut right in the middle of the landscape.

The trend continues, until Phil decides that enough is enough when he sees techno putting dirt on the roof. He ends up asking the piglin if he can remodel the place, and surely Techno can see how beautiful his traditionally japanese styled house looks- Techno said no. Phil nods, his hands curled in fists. Technically he could, y'know... This isn't hardcore after all- no. Bad Phil. The guy can do what he wants. Maybe he had a bad day, he'll just come by to ask again.

[royalarchivist]

Technoblade: Before I get any comments from people saying, "Uh Technoblade– ☝️🤓 Actually I live in the San Francisco Bay area, and the weather here isn't as perfect as you say! I think you might be blinded by nostalgia–"

Technoblade: I'd just like to say that I am a perfectly objective source of information, how DARE you question me, get banned.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Technoblade: You know, when I first got to college, I had a conversation with a local student where I mentioned I was from California, and they heard that and said, "Oh, you're from California? Have you ever been here during the winter?" and I said "Oh, no no, I haven't" and they just kinda like, stared at me in silence for a few seconds, and then just said: "Good luck!" And then moved on with the conversation like that wasn't the most ominous thing I'd ever heard in my life. What? What do you mean "good luck"?!

Technoblade: One time I went to Texas, sometimes I visited North Carolina during the summer, and I was like, "Why is it so hot here?" but I just figured, "You know what, it can't be this hot everywhere during summer, that'd be ridiculous! Why would anyone subject themselves to these conditions?"

Technoblade: I didn't realize that California was unusual. So you know, I'd listen to like– Sir Alliser Thorne in Game of Thrones rant about, "Oh, you don't know cold!" tellin' us about how, he had like, been in some blizzard– blizzard, and during like, sub-zero temperatures, and I'm sitting here like, "No, no, I- I'm pretty sure I understand what cold is, one time it dropped to 60 degrees Fahrenheit and I had to turn on my car's seat warmers. I'm pretty sure I understand man's epic struggle against nature."

Technoblade: Before I get any comments from people saying, "Uh Technoblade– actually I live in the San Francisco Bay area, and the weather here isn't as perfect as you say! I think you might be blinded by nostalgia–" I'd just like to say that I am a perfectly objective source of information, how DARE you question me, get banned.

[ Video: why is the midwest so cold help ]

[lennjamin-o7]

[viktorscane]

while most ppl think that techno is the more chaotic part of emduo, i think it’s worth mentioning that both in the antarctic empire and in the dsmp phil pushed and advocated for violence at the drop of a dime.

ae!phil messaging ae!techno that they should just kill everyone at the saint-malo trials rather than come to a peaceful conclusion.

c!phil pushing for the destruction of l’manburg at all costs and encouraging c!techno to destroy more & more & more even when the country lay in ruins.

when c!techno and the voices are satisfied, and the fire has dulled to nothing but sparks and ash; c!phil will always be the first one to add fuel to the fire.

[moltengoldveins]

Something something “the only universal language is violence” but people put the emphasis on the word ‘violence’ instead of where it belongs, on the word ‘universal.’ (It’s an effort at communication, not control.) Something something ‘a child who is not loved by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.’ Something something ‘peaceful protest is only effective if your adversary has a conscience.’ Something something about the progression, from the terror of realizing that you will have to do horrible things to be heard, to the anger of being backed into a corner like a rabid dog, to the moment after the first attack where your opponent freezes in shock, holding their bloody nose, and you beg them again to ‘just listen to me,’ to the grief when they lunge again and you have to put them down, to the acceptance. The acceptance. The acceptance. There is no other way. I am what I am and that will not change. They will not listen. They will only listen if they suffer. I will have to make them listen. I will have to be ok with that. I am ok with that.

I will make them suffer, and I am ok with that.

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

Welcome to the Syndicate, come and take a seat

Would you like to see the books or the notorious wither fleet?

There's no need to panic, this isn't a test!

Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest

Welcome to the Syndicate, put your cares aside

Here's a tip for raising subcounts, here's a sixteen-year-old who died

We got meetings, and a baker, and a guy from hardcore

And a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the members of the Eggpire fucking each other, who drew this, CONNOR-

Here's a healthy baking option, you should kill your son

Here's why McPuffy's never serves you, here's how goats can build a bomb

Which figure from myths are you? Take this quirky quiz

Eggpire sent the egghead gang to indoctrinate your kids

Could I interest you in anarchy all of the time?

A little bit of anarchy all of the time?

Democracy's a tragedy and monarchy's a crime

Sic Semper Tyrannis all of the time

[lordofshibas]

happy birthday to technoblade

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Tommy tries not to stay too long because Mareep gets sad when she's lonely.

She can't tell him this - she's a sheep and all. But she shows it in the way she nuzzles her gentle head into Tommy's chest when he returns, as if she's trying to push out all those sharp and bunched up feelings that get stuck there. They're not bad feelings though. Not good feelings either.

Just feelings. A lot of fucking feelings.

But Tommy likes visiting the cabin. Even back when, it always felt so far removed from everything else. So quiet, not always in the positive sense. He loved it and he hated it. That seems to sum up about everything he remembers from that time.

(He went in once, the first time he visited. Not anymore. Everything was covered in dust, hollow and empty, and Tommy couldn't breathe for reasons beyond the stifled air.)

Being there doesn't hurt the same.

Tommy still marvels at that. Yes, it still hurts and yes, it always will. But there's more than the hurt now. He remembers the laughter and the stupid jokes and the bench and Henry and man, does it feel as if he's aged a decade. He hasn't. He's young. And there's so much ahead of him.

Then the snow shifts behind him with the soft crunching of footsteps. He turns around, and a person Tommy has thought about pretty much every other day for the last eight months is standing against the treeline.

"Hullo," Technoblade says, as if they have seen each other yesterday. He looks a little less exhausted, and a little less jumpy than Tommy has ever seen him before. Tommy's hand curls around the handle of his sword and then relaxes.

"Hey," he says. Then he swallows. "I didn't know you still came around here."

"I don't," Techno says. "Just came to pick up some stuff I left behind."

"Yeah?"

Techno walks around him in a little arch, and in a way that keeps him facing Tommy at least from the side, never the back. Tommy hates that this is who they are now.

And then Techno scoffs lightly, kicking at some rocks Tommy had been piling into a tower once when he was deep in thought. "Bruh, you're not ruining my property value again, are you?"

Automatically, Tommy laughs. Bright and sudden, and sincere. "Wha- Fuck you, you just said you don't live here anymore."

"I could be on my landlord arc," Techno says dryly.

Tommy should leave it at that. The part deep inside him that still feels raw and scared - as if he's sixteen again and the ocean is endless before him - recoils at all of this. But Tommy knows that part of him can be wrong, sometimes, in how it reacts to things. In how it refuses to embrace change.

"What have you been doing?" he asks. Techno watches him for a moment, a little guarded. He shrugs.

"Farmin'," Techno answers after that small second of hesitation. "Hibernating. Just doing my own thing, away from everybody. I'm done being hounded by people." He brushes some hair from his face, longer now than when he was living on this server. Tommy doesn't think he has never seen Techno without fresh scars or bandaged knuckles. It suits him.

"Sounds nice," Tommy says. He thinks about his little cottage, and Tubbo's honey, and how he's been starting to grow his own flowers.

"It is," Techno agrees.

Tommy leaves quickly after that. But when he returns two days later, there is a glint of round netherite hanging from one of the fence post. A compass with an emerald inlaid in the back, that points to a place very far away.

Tommy doesn't think he's quite ready to follow it. But someday he will be.

[cavolini-green-tea]

I got this idea after reading chapter 3 of a really cool fanfic "out for blood" by @cleanlenins, i adore how interesting you wrote superhero/villian plot holy moly-, really enjoyed it

Techno after chapter 3: Technilcy still nobody died from mr. Crafts actions, right?

Philza: yep, whatever you say mate

[airyal245]

The Dread Pirate Technoblade from @charswithbatsmybeloved 's Princess Bride inspired AU The Dread Pirate Ranboo on Ao3

I loved this fic a lot and I couldn't get the thought of pirate Techno out of my mind. I've been calling him Robin because his real name is Robert and he looks like a Robin to me.

[drystem]

Techno helping Dream get the mats out of his hair after Pandora

It’s grown out down his back, left to mat and collect dirt by his keepers. It’s sensory hell and they knew it.

His hair is the remaining bit of Self he has left, it’s much too important to cut off entirely, even though it would be easier and probably less painful.

Dream doesn’t have much feeling in his hands right now (after Pandora, anything less than being submerged in lava would be too cold for him). He can’t even hold the brush right, much less fix his hair on his own.

So Techno spends the hours and days that it takes to carefully comb out his hair. He fills the silence with updates about the server from when Dream was imprisoned, not minding the lack of response.

(Gentle touch is another shock to Dream’s system, along with everything else. He doesn’t have the energy to process it yet.)

He’s lost a lot of hair, which finally gets brushed out of where it was trapped in the knots. It’s freeing, a literal weight off his neck and shoulders. It’ll take a while for his hair to recover, but it’s clean and brushed and Dream himself is already going to take a while to recover, what’s one more thing?

[nomsfaultau]

Mandatory Family Reunion as social media posts

fic is here lol

[its-coffeetime]

@comfy-vember Day 4: Bed Rest

“Phil expected to find a lot of things in this new house that he had to try to sell... it was said to be haunted and anyone who entered it would soon die a horrible way

Phil didn't think so, it was just a house....

But when he accidentally found a small hidden wing, he found the real reason behind the murders happening in the house... a vampire, or rather a fledgling.

And where there was a fledgling, there was a sire.”